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nc7dr3am · 4 years ago

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LILY INSTAGRAM STORY Q&A

“hello my loves!! let’s chat~~”

TAGLIST (lmk if u wanna join! it’s for all of my lily verse content, even the other oc blogs): @aqueenieme @moonbeamsung @atinygracie @jinsoulorbitzen12 @btshook

“how are you tonight? could we have a tmi?”

i am very sleepy. i’ll be going to bed soon, actually.. for the tmi... i’ve had three coffees today

“lily!! read any good books lately?”

YES!! i am reading ‘to live’ by yu hua and it’s very .. thought-provoking, i suppose. i’m reading it in chinese, as well, to practice. mila and evie help me occasionally if i need it. please read it!!

“nct siren!!! i’m so excited- can you tell us about hyeyoung and evie?”

i’m excited too~~!! hyeyoungie unnie is very talented at dance and singing. she is a kind and caring unnie, and she calls me her baby. she is one of my very best friends, and i rely on her a lot. evie is also extremely talented, and her voice is very unique. she is a really cool unnie and plays with me a lot. she is also one of my best friends. i love them so much🥺

i know you all will love them- support them, okay? they deserves the world.

“how is the dorm these days? honey and mr. darcy are PRECIOUS... but isn’t jeno allergic?”

yes, jeno is allergic, but you all know that won’t stop him from cuddling them .. dummie. but at least mr. darcy is hypoallergenic! honey sheds quite a bit, though .. also, i’ve actually recently moved out of the dream dorms

“GIRL WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW?? IS JIMIN NA FOR THE STREETS??”

LMAOO I NEEDED THIS BABE HAH jimin na is too much of a lil wimp for the streets. but! i live with my nct siren members now! i love it!! it was hard to say goodbye to my dreamies, but i literally see them constantly anyway

“have you been resting enough? i love your solo and your promotions but i hope you’re eating and sleeping well :((“

thank you for caring, babe!! don’t worry though, i’m okay. i appreciate your kindness more than you know.

“lily babe what smells do you associate with the dreamies? and siren?”

*answered on ten different instagram story posts, one for each member*

oh my god there’s so many of them .. mila is definitely oranges and green tea. she uses green tea lotion, but the smells just remind me of her as a person since this is what we’re basing it on

i know we’re not really doing LITERAL scents, but hyeyoung unnie uses this givenchy perfume, l’interdit. it smells floral, but with spice. she reminds me of clean laundry and roses.

evie unnie is like paint. she’s an artist, so when i smell paint, i think of her. and champagne!! floral scents remind me of her as well, but bright floral scents, not the soft ones like hyeyoung. and rain. mixed bag

jaemin oppa reminds me of clean but slightly floral smells. i think if i had to pick a smell for him, it’d be this one aloe and rose toning spray i have. lavender is also a good one for him. calming smells

jeno oppa is like a soap? yknow just the regular body soap with no added scent? it still smells good and it’s just nice and familiar. also, like when something is baking in the oven on an early morning.

fullsun is like if you’re walking somewhere nice and catch a scent of some nearby flowers and freshy cut grass. the way summer days smelled when i was a child. i also would choose honeysuckle for him

renjun oppa is like a forest? he also reminds me of the smell of books, or paper. i’d also pick a beach, but on a cloudy day and there aren’t many people around and the air. he’s like nature

jisung reminds me of the summer nights smell where you have a bonfire. do you all know what i mean? i dunno, it just fits him! and he’s like a nice fresh smell. maybe like when the air smells colder.

chenle reminds me of a pool and i don’t know how to explain that. on another note, mint. he always has a bit of a minty smell in person, too, so that’s probably why. also cologne because he has a lot of it

mark oppa really reminds me of just... that comfortable home smell? and candles? i think amber and cashmere too... those warm, comfy scents. laundry and clean hair. nice smells. he doesn’t wear cologne btw but he always smells nice

“if you can’t talk right now and are doing hot girl shit, what are you doing?”

deadass just rewatching the twilight saga

“should i get a sugar daddy”

i feel like i will get in trouble for answering this

“me love you long tim”

who’s long tim

“do you also still use l’interdit for your perfume?”

OKAY so i use it every now and then!! it’s hyeyoung’s signature smell, and i liked it so sometimes i switch it up and use that. my regular perfume is amazing grace bu philosophy. i’ve used it every day for years

“do you watch crack videos? ily”

ily too!! +yes and i ENJOY THEM it’s very much my sense of humor. johnny irritated me when he only laughed a little. i also watch edits you all make of me >:) i see a lot of czennies posts.

and yes that should scare you

“do the kitties get along with beetle? and are there any other pets in the siren dorms?”

our pets get along pretty well. honey was very hostile at first, but she got used to mr. darcy pretty quickly and they’re best friends. the cats are indifferent to beetle but sometimes they cuddle. and there’s not anymore pets yet!! well, mila has a goldfish too- she just got him and his name is bird.

“bestie i would drink your spit”

i KNOW you didn’t think i would see/respond but i’m built different

“jimin my love what should i do if my ex is trying to get back with me? he kinda broke my heart nd cheated but i still have feelings :(”

um babe he is a FLOP for breaking your heart nd a FLOP for cheating. please don’t get back with his bum ass. idc if it’s harsh- no excuse for cheating. if you trust someone with your heart and they cheat, you know they’re not to be trusted with them again. stay strong bub- i believe in you!

“lily babe your solo was beautiful shskdhs can we expect more solo/lily-written things soon?”

okay i. cannot maybe should not say anything but uh .. LOL

“jimin may i please have your hand in marriage”

okay so i definitely scrolled your account, i definitely think you are beautiful, and i am definitely in love now. also i accidentally liked an old photo gosh i seem creepy i am so sorry

but basically she said yes

“who have you texted most recently?”

*the photo for this story is the cats*

i feel like you wanted to hear a member or one of my friends but i was texting in a group chat with me and my parents. i sent them this picture of my cats, and i also told them i miss them

“ma’am what are your favorite shows”

favorite show of all time is euphoria! i also love the end of the fucking world, joe pera talks with you, the office, seinfeld, i’m now very into steven universe!!!”

“cat girl?”

maid costume is better

“what did u get johnny and jisung for their birthdays!!?”

OO yes!! he loves hats a lot so i got him a balenciaga cap. he really loved it. i also made a decorated corkboard with pictures of our members having fun. i put string lights around the frame and put pretty things on it with evie’s help

johhny is hard to get presents for because he buys whatever he wants. i ended up getting him a pair of vetements slides and a bottle of wine i know he likes.

also!! i got seulgi unnie and i matching bracelets <3

“why is no one talking about the fact that her favorite show is euphoria oh my GOD”

hhhhhh it’s literally art. the best show i have ever seen in my entire life. a few of the other members have watched it, as well, but evie is also really into it. it made hyeyoung cry the whole time.

“favorite food and song right now? i love you you’re so precious”

i love you more, darling!! food is gyoza, but i really love all dumplings right now. my favorite song at the moment is lovely day by bill withers

“STEVEN UNIVERSE OMG tag siren as the crystal gems”

OKAY hyeyoung is def pearl, shes our mom. mila is garnet, for obvious reasons. i’m steven :D

and evie is amethyst but my mind also is saying greg universe so do with that what you will

“answer 100% honestly there’s a gun to your head who is your favorite member”

NOT JOHNNY

“will you flirt with me queen”

no problem baby :) your recent is fine as hell i’ll be in your dm’s waiting

“are you in love”

how can i not be when i am living on the same planet as you

“girl don’t be shy send us hand pics”

GUYS-

“do you have any western artists you’d like to collab with?”

it’s britney, bitch

“i really hope the dating rumors with renjun didn’t but strain on your friendship :(”

okay i actually really wanna address this because a lot of y’all have been saying this stuff, but it didn’t mess up anything. we’re adults now, we’ve known each other for years, and none of us are stupid- including the other guys. we know there will be rumors about us, it’s fairly obvious, but nothing will ever change the fact that we are all best friends, and nothing more. i’m so, so grateful for all of you that were kind, and believed me us when we told the truth. renjun and i, once again, for the people in my dm’s and asks, are not, and never were, dating. our friendship is as strong as ever, babes.

it’s time for me to goooo, i’m sleepy! goodnight, petals! see you soon~~

#na jimin #na lily #asks for lily #nct addition #nct oc #kpop addition #kpop oc #nct dream addition #nct dream oc #nct 22nd member #nct dream 8th member

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honeymoonjin · 6 years ago

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enjoy your stay - chapter five

A/N - Just for now, I’m trialing not putting in chapter links on this post to see if it helps more people see it since the tumblr search function cuts out posts with links. If there’s not a big difference, I’ll put them in later, but to see the first chapter if you’re a new reader, please click on my blog and check out my masterlist.

ENJOY YOUR STAY ↳Boss!Namjoon, Chef!Jin, Receptionist!Hoseok, Bellboy!Jimin, Bartender!Jungkook, Accountant!Yoongi, Photography student!Taehyung ↳Some inappropriate language and cursing. Later chapters have sexual content.

SUMMARY ↳Working the graveyard shift at a hotel isn’t the most exciting job in the world, but your coworkers are certainly happy to have you here.

CHAPTER FIVE ↳Your work friends help encourage you to straighten out your problems with Jin, but is there really such an easy solution?

Over the week that had passed since you had breakfast with Hobi and Jimin, it became a daily occurrence for the three of you to wander along the main street, finding a dinky little overpriced café to hole up in and hang out for an hour or so.

It was nice hanging out with them outside of work hours, especially when all your past jobs had been filled with toxic competitiveness or people way older than you. You had never really made any work friends before, but if anyone asked you, you wouldn’t hesitate to call Hobi and Jimin your friends.

Today was the first time the three of you had managed to step into a coffeeshop that was actually any good. It had kind of become an inside joke that at one point you’d just end up going back to the hotel to use the staffroom amenities, that at least they were more reliable than the places you’d been going to, but for once the food was good and the hot chocolate with a raspberry shot you got was divine.

“Ugh, these people aren’t prepared for the sick tip I’m about to drop in the glass jar,” Hobi enthuses, “it’s honestly a blessing having a coffee that doesn’t taste burnt.” You wondered how Hoseok ever managed to get to sleep with the double shot black coffee he always chose, but the man did have a habit of constantly surprising you.

Jimin puffed out his cheeks and let out a stream of cooling air over the surface of his mocha. “Shouldn’t you be saving up your money for your share of the cake?” Jungkook’s birthday was in a few days, and as it turned out the hotel night staff had a habit of celebrating each staff member’s birthday. Jungkook had only been working there eight months, and it was his first birthday working for Namjoon, and his 21st no less. You had promised to a stressed-out Joon that you would organize it for him, and the three of you had decided to go thirds in a cake for him, while Jin was going to make kimchi stew for a shared dinner. “Man, if you flake on me again, I’m getting you coal for your birthday.”

“I said I would pay!” Hobi defends himself emphatically, holding his palms out. “Besides, let’s just say I have a…secondary source of income now,” he wiggles his eyebrows meaningfully.

Jimin frowns at him dubiously. “I already told you - you don’t have the ass to be a stripper.”

“What, and you do?” Jimin simply raises an eyebrow in silence. “Okay, that’s beside the point, what I’m trying to say is that I got a job helping out Yoongi during the day.”

Your mouth flops open. “Accountant Yoongi?”

“What other Yoongi is there? Yes, Accountant Yoongi.”

You frown at him in suspicion. “What could you possibly have to offer him?”

Hoseok lets out a strangled cough of indignance. “Excuse me, but I am a man of many talents! And for a busy man like him, sometimes it’s more convenient to buy talents than take the time to pursue them naturally, you know?”

Jimin’s eyes have narrowed into slits, and he would look menacing were it not for the foamed milk moustache sitting on his upper lip. “He pays you to fuck him?”

“Hey!” Hoseok glances around the room to make sure nobody heard, but he doesn’t deny it.

The bellboy pouts and throws his teaspoon on the table dramatically. “Why do you get all the good things in life?” He sighs. “That’s like…the dream.”

You shake your head, still processing. “How did you even- How you do get into that? Did he wander up one day with a business proposal? That’s so wild,” you exclaim in a hushed whisper.

Jimin smirks. “Why, wanting to make your own business arrangement, baby? I’m right here.”

You glare at him beseechingly. “Hobi’s getting paid and you think I’m going to let you fuck me for free? Get real.” Over the past few coffee dates the flirtations between you and Jimin had gotten way more explicit than they ever could at the hotel, and at this point you wondered if he would even take the chance if he was given it, since he seemed to get so much joy just out of teasing you.

“Oh no, baby, I think you’re the Yoongi in this situation. After all, you did try and pimp me out to Taehyung last week.”

“Okay, you know very well that that was blackmail, we’ve been over the Taetastrophe before, I was just playing matchmaker, it’s not at all indicative of… of how I usually am.”

Hobi scoffs into his coffee and shakes his head bemusedly. Jimin grins, catlike. “So you normally prefer somebody else to take control, then?”

You stare at him for a moment. “…Anyway, Hobi, you still haven’t told us how this whole sugar daddy thing works. Feel free to share with the group.”

He looks up from absentmindedly stirring his drink. “Well, there’s an app, and it sorts you out by location, and it just happens that the number of rich gays in the area is limited, so really it was kinda inevitable that we would be matched up.”

You frown. “Oh. I was expecting a little more romance, passion and intrigue, you know? That’s boring.”

Hoseok turns to you. “I never said there wasn’t passion and intrigue. Have you ever gone down on a guy while he’s having an important Skype meeting with Chinese investors? Cause I have.”

You break out into a scandalized blush, but Jimin just lets out a short laugh. “Damn, Hoseok, I cannot believe the receptionist is getting more action than the bellboy. I mean, have you seen how hot my thighs look in these pants? It’s sinful that Namjoon lets me wear them, but he knows I bring in the customers, so he won’t say anything.” Jimin shifts in his seat and stares you down. “Speaking of action, has your sad little slobberfest in the kitchen actually gone anywhere? I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you to dinner yet.”

You let out a defeated moan around your last mouthful of hot chocolate. “No, and for a while he’d leave cute little gifts and stuff around, but I feel like maybe he really did just want some reassurance in a tough time and that he’s not actually interested…” you trail off when Hoseok and Jimin share a meaningful look. “What? Has he talked to you guys about me?”

The receptionist scratches under his collar awkwardly, and Jimin looks a little guilty. After a few attempts to get the gossip out of them, Jimin finally lets out a deep sigh. “He does like you, honestly, but… Look, he’s heard some other staff, and guests, talk about you, and he doesn’t want it to be a competition, so he’s giving you some space. Poor guy probably thinks you’re already taken.”

Your frown deepens. “What do you mean? Who’s been talking about me?”

He glances up at the ceiling for a few moments, working his jaw, then looks down again. “All of us, Y/n. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t noticed. Hobi’s probably the only one who doesn’t, but now I realize that’s probably just because Yoongi wears him out.” You let out a shaky laugh when Hoseok nods sadly, but your face is still twisted up in confusion. “Jin’s not a competitive guy, babe. If you want to be with him, you have to let him know, otherwise he’ll just carry on acting like nothing’s happened. He’s not very confrontational. He just doesn’t want to create any tension between the guys, that’s all.”

Your mind races at a hundred miles an hour, trying to catch up. This is surely the weirdest conversation you’ve had in a mom-and-pop coffee shop, and you’re still trying to process everything. “Wait, you said guests, too?”

Hoseok hums in affirmation. “Taehyung’s been kinda bragging to Jungkook about the fact that he’s had you in his room multiple times. Technically it’s true, but he makes it seem like the two of you are a thing. Jungkook idolizes Jin, so the news got back to him pretty fast. I’m sorry, muppet, the whole situation is kind of a mess. We should’ve told you sooner, but we figured you must’ve already known.”

You shake your head slowly, brushing off his apology. Tae was acting like the two of you had sex? How were you going to face sweet Jungkook at his party knowing that he probably thought you had fucked his friend? Hoseok was right, the whole situation was fucked up.

You stare into the dregs of cocoa at the bottom of your mug. “What do I even do? I don’t want people to think any less of me, much less for something that never actually happened.”

Jimin shrugs. “I mean, the two of us are on the same page as you, so don’t worry about us. You just need to work out which of the other guys you want to explain things to first and go from there. Work out some priorities, girl, or this whole drama will end in tears.”

You nod, resigned to your fate, and get up from your seat. “I’ll see you two later tonight, then. I’ve got a call to make.”

You made in home in a little over twenty minutes, quickly changed out of your work clothes into some pajamas and sat on the couch staring at your phone for way too long, finger hovering over Jin’s name in your contacts list.

Should you call him now and wake him or just wait until work tonight? It was already quite late, or rather, early, and you wanted to get a decent sleep. No matter when you spoke with Jin, you still had Tae and Jungkook to sort out. It was going to be an intense shift.

Clenching your eyes shut, deciding to bite the bullet, you call him, and try to still your racing heart as the rings echoed in your empty apartment.

Five, then six, then seven, until you considered just hanging up. Finally, on the ninth ring, the call goes through and Jin’s delightfully deep voice calls out your name.

“I’m sorry for waking you, but I really needed to talk to you.” It’s only when you get this far that you realize you actually haven’t planned out what it was exactly that you wanted to say. “I… I miss you. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

A pregnant pause on the other end. “I, yeah, I have.”

Your heart drops. You have to focus all your energy into keeping your voice steady. “I hope I haven’t done anything to upset you. Jimin told me about some of the workplace banter that’s been going around about me. I wanted you to know it’s not true.”

Again, he takes a while to reply. You can’t work out if his sleep-addled brain is just taking longer to process, or if he’s really thinking about what he’s saying. “Well. I’m glad it’s not true. You shouldn’t be sleeping with guests, especially not ones that are directly related to the boss, and especially not on company time.”

“That’s the thing! I didn’t! I had to go into his room to talk to him about something, but nothing of that nature happened. I promise you.” It takes you a while to realize that the extended silence that follows isn’t him preparing a response, but that he really isn’t going to reply at all. You clear your throat. “I really like you, Jin. I know workplace romance isn’t really the best thing to get into, but… I don’t know, that kiss changed a lot of things for me. I can’t stop thinking about it. And I feel like such an idiot that I’ve gone and wasted my chance because of a rumor going around. I’m sorry.”

He breathes your name the moment you apologize, and the weight of the emotion it holds leaves you speechless. You lean back against the arm of your couch, both hands holding your phone snugly to your ear like it could get you any closer to the man on the other end.

“It’s not about the rumors,” he confesses quietly. “Look, I think the world of you, and I hope you know that. But you said that the kiss changed everything for you,” he breaks off to sigh heavily and you have to chew on the inside of your cheek to stop from taking back the words that upset him, “I’m sorry, but that’s just not me. Fuck, if my ex saw me like that she’d probably change her mind and take me back, but the reality is, that’s not what I’m like most of the time. Would you ever feel this hung up over the chef you met on your first day that was carting around lobsters in an ice bucket? Because that’s me. That’s me when I’m not miserable after a break-up, and that’s why my girlfriend couldn’t stay with me. I can’t… I can’t be with you if you see me as that heartbroken pile of mush on the kitchen floor. I’d just be setting you up for disappointment like I did with the last girl. You don’t deserve that.”

It’s not until you go to reply that you notice how much your eyes sting and how your throat is beginning to choke up with emotion. You take a breath before you speak but it’s too shaky to reassure you. “What can I do to prove to you I like the real you? How can I show you I’m serious when you never let me see you?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t. I’ve gotten over my ex, and when I’m in the kitchen I’m back to my normal self, I’m sure to Namjoon’s despair, but whenever I see you all that disappears, and I feel like a smitten teenager again. All I want is to hold your hand and take you somewhere nice and-” he breaks off to groan in annoyance. “Fuck, even now you have me confessing my deepest darkest thoughts like a lovesick fool. If I was on the phone to anyone else, I’d be joking around and teasing them, and they’d have hung up already. I just…” he sighs again, but softer than before. “Give me some time to sort myself out. You can…you can do whatever you want with your time, I won’t be mad. But it wouldn’t be fair of me to pursue you when you don’t know what you’re really in for. I’m sorry.” The line clicks dead, and the silence that fills up the apartment is deafening.

You let a few tears fall that had been building up, letting out a wobbly laugh. That was the most heartfelt and emotional rejection you’d ever had. You didn’t know how you were supposed to fall asleep after that, but you crawled down the hall to your bed and collapsed onto the duvet anyway, hoping that sheer exhaustion would take you under.

It was pitch black outside when you awoke, and you hummed in content at the full-body stretch that overtook you, relaxing your muscles and making your vision swim for a bit. As the spots in your peripheral cleared, so did the daze of just waking up. You roll over and check your phone only to see a stream of messages and missed calls, all subtitles under a headline of 1:47am.

“Fuck!” You jolt out of bed and run down the hallway, going to the bathroom as quickly as you could before brushing your hair and teeth, tugging your uniform on bit by bit as you go. You get ready in a record time of 8 minutes, arriving at the hotel a little after 2am.

Rather than spending the extra few seconds it took to go around back to the staff entrance, you pull up and dash into the lobby, ignoring the two men that call out your name, asking what happened, and sprinting down the hall to Namjoon’s office.

Rather than waiting to knock, you burst open the door, panting heavily, and a stream of apologies come out in stutters of breath.

It’s not until you’re met with silence that you actually look up and pay attention to what’s in front of you.

Namjoon and Taehyung are in the office; the elder sitting at his desk like usual, dangling his glasses frame from a single finger while the other hand is buried deep into his hair, tangling up strands. His younger brother is leaned up against a filing cabinet, arms crossed.

Only Tae looks up at you when you storm in, and you’re shocked to see the look of pleasant surprise that crosses his face when he sees you. “Y/n wouldn’t mind! I won’t be a nuisance, honestly, hyung.”

The manager simply groans. “And how would you know what she would or wouldn’t mind? Were you so struck by her presence when she met you for like two minutes?”

You raise your eyebrows at Taehyung in an expression that hopefully conveys ‘good going, genius’, then turn to Namjoon’s hunched form. “What’s happening?”

Finally, he sighs tiredly and sits up, slipping his black frames back on. “Taehyung here wants to earn some money for a new camera, and he’s proposed he can be your assistant.”

You blink, mouth dangling open a little too long. “I thought I was the assistant.”

Namjoon waves one hand in the air and nods. “I told you, Taehyung, you can’t just expect she needs the help. She’s a wonderful employee as is, without you tugging on her skirt for some pocket money. It’d be good for you to spend some time outside of this hotel.”

Even though Tae’s proposal involved you, you still felt like you were intruding on a private conversation. Neither man had even thought to ask you why you were almost two hours late to work. You come in to the office just enough to shut the door quietly behind you, and awkwardly stand in silence, fiddling with your fingers.

“I don’t need to spend time outside of this hotel! Just last Tuesday I went in to uni to hand in my rough draft for the portfolio, which, by the way, you haven’t once asked me about.”

“Oh, you took a trip in to school one time and now you think you deserve a job?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes and looks moments away from stamping his foot in frustration. “Fuck, seriously? I said you could just buy it for me as a birthday gift but no, that would be too much trouble for you, Mr. Small-business Owner,” he drawls sarcastically. “Isn’t it such a shame that mom and dad wasted all the perfect genes on you and used all the sloppy seconds for me? I bet they’re real disappointed that you’re a successful entrepreneur and I’m just some sad, starving artist, huh? I bet you’re real disappointed in me, too,” he mutters the last part, kicking his feet on the carpet, not looking his older brother in the eye.

You try desperately to avoid eye contact with either of them, certain you shouldn’t be here, hearing this, but it doesn’t matter anyway. Namjoon hasn’t given you a second glance this whole time. He’s staring straight at Tae, struck silent, with tears slowly gathering in his eyes.

There are a few moments of uncomfortable silence, broken only by Tae’s sniffing, and when he does finally speak, it’s so soft that you strain to hear it only a few feet away. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Well,” Taehyung scoffs, but there’s no bite to it, “now you do. If my own brother won’t hire me, I guess I better go find a job somewhere else in town. Excuse me.”

He bustles past you and you wince when the door slams, Namjoon looking up at the noise with red eyes. He seems to at last take note of your presence, and his gaze flickers once to the clock on his desk, then back to you. He doesn’t say anything, but simply tilts his head slightly as a gesture for you to explain yourself.

A little put off by the events you probably shouldn’t have witnessed, you have to clear your throat before getting any words out. “I had a rough day and forgot to set my alarm when I went to sleep. I’m so sorry. It won’t be happening again.”

Too drained to really put up a fight, he just nods. “I think we’ve all had a rough day. It’s fine.” He takes a stabilizing breath and sits up straight in his chair. “Hoseok’s run out of printer paper again, can you please drop some off to him asap?”

It’s clear that the conversation has ended, and he just wants you to leave so he can compose himself, but after grabbing a couple reams of paper from the stationery drawer in the office, you pause by Namjoon’s desk, bend down, and pull him into a quick hug.

He still doesn’t say anything, but his arm comes up to wrap tightly around your back, and you can feel the way his hands are shaking slightly. You give him one last squeeze and let go, sending him a soft smile before you leave.

Once you leave the tension of the office behind, you blow out your cheeks and sigh. Even though your shift was technically going to be a couple hours less than normal due to your tardiness, you had a feeling it was going to be the longest one yet.

#bts au #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts x reader #taehyung x reader #jeongguk x reader #jungkook x reader #jimin x reader #namjoon x reader #hoseok x reader #yoongi x reader #jin x reader #enjoy your stay

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hazysim · 5 years ago

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explanation for why i’ve changed up my blog & personal rant under the cut. feel free to ignore cus it’s kinda long (which is why i put it in a cut!)

hey, it me, back at it again with another sad story about myself. i feel like i complain too much on here and flip flop a lot, but in all honesty: i am not okay. and honestly? that’s okay. i’m not okay that i’m not okay (lol) but i’m admitting it and i’m trying to work on it. for some reason, part of me working on that meant changing absolutely everything about my goddamn tumblr blog. this blog doesn’t define me, but it’s the only thing i really have going right now that i can control. i feel like i have more control over my blog than anything else in my life right now, so to “de-stress” i guess is one way to put it, i decided to just clean up everything and try to re-establish myself with my blog. but enough about being deep and everything, onto.. everything else.

my new name is hazysim (previously lazy-cactus) and you honestly have no idea how long it took me to figure out a name. i went through so many names i liked and found out they were all taken, and eventually became set on this name. i’m the kinda person that doesn’t like having a random name that means nothing to me, even though my previous names literally meant nothing to me other than the fact i like cactuses and am kinda lazy. anyway, not to get “deep” again but i chose the word hazy because, well.. i went through looking at a bunch of words that related to my mess of a life and being rn. i’m incredibly indecisive, i’m impatient, i’m not happy with anything i make or create. when i am happy with something i’ve made or done, it’s honestly a really rare thing. which is why i deleted a bunch of my posts and just re-did everything. one word to round everything up in my life right now i guess is hazy. everything is undecided and unclear. i don’t know who i am or where i’m going, or where i am right now. but i’m trying to take things slow, be less harsh on myself and just.. think positive.

PERSONAL RANT OVER.

I want to thank everyone for baring with me and sticking around by following me and supporting me (even if they are simple likes and follows, it means a lot). i’ll still be letting my queue run out and then go on another break from my 100 baby challenge, but I am by no means finished with it because I still have some wonderful sims to play with that were so kindly submitted to me. i just want a fresh start. i’ll be doing more casual things, actually having fun with the game, and figuring out what i want to do with this blog in the process.

thank you all and ily all.

#nonsims #personal #becs text #tldr: i'm not ok but i'm trying to get better and not be so morbid #and changing up my blog helped me a little

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maevefiction · 6 years ago

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Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 38

Caught up in all things wedding related, both for my own and Simon’s, as well as enjoying a bit of free time with mister Super Sexy wandering around naked constantly in every hotel room, I’d completely forgotten about my six alarm blaze. And Trudy. There wasn’t much I could do about it while we were in the air because of the time difference, and when confronted with the choice of pulling out my laptop and trying to find out how I was going to manage to procure and set up the servers we needed on my own or snuggling with Tom and taking a nap, the snuggling won out easily.

I woke up when we were circling Heathrow, groaning as I realized that I was royally fucked as far as a normal human-like sleep schedule was concerned. We grabbed our luggage and took a cab back to our flat, and Tom had barely gotten the key in the door when Simon came bounding out onto the landing and nearly tackled me to the floor with a ridiculously powerful bear hug.

“MAUDE, MAUDE, MAUDE! You’re home, you’re home!”

A small squeak emanated from my mouth when I opened it, and I struggled to speak. “DUDE. I love you, but you are crushing the fucking life out of me.”

He loosened his grip, kissed me on both cheeks, then waved at Tom, who knew it was in his best interest to get into our flat as quickly as possible lest he be caught up in the insanity.

“No, no, you must LIVE, woman. LIVE! I need you! NEED. YOU.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes. I am aware. You need me. What time is it, like, six?”

He nodded. “Something like that. So, did you sleep on the plane? Can we chat? Hmm?”

“I did, in fact, sleep on the plane. But, I really, really need to talk to Trudy ASAP…so can we chat tomorrow instead?”

An eyeroll, followed by a heavy sigh. “Really? Trudy? What could be so…”

“SecureServe dropped the fucking ball, man.”

He gasped. “What do you mean they dropped the ball?”

It was my turn to sigh. “They can’t get the servers done by the first.”

I was released completely as his hands lifted up and came to rest upon his cheeks like the kid in Home Alone. “GET THE FUCK OUT! Did you kill the guy?”

“Not yet. I fired him, though.”

Simon’s head pulled back like a turtle’s. “Excuse me, WHAT?”

“I fired him.”

He wagged his finger at me. “Trudy does not know this.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded. “Nope.”

“Oh, honey…you’d best get your ass down those stairs and tell the girl.” He frowned. “So what are you going to, you know, DO? Delay the launch?”

“Fuck no. We’re going to set up the servers ourselves. Speaking of which…I need your office.”

One hand flew to his hip. “And where am I supposed to work?”

I snorted. “Well, first of all…you working? Reading Tumblr and gossip blogs with a two hour lunch break in between doesn’t really count as work. But, in spite of that, I am willing to turn over my own office to you. I can do my thing anywhere.”

“HA! That’s exactly what Tom tells us!”

“Yeah, well…truth. So. Trudy’s still here, then?”

He nodded. “She’s here until at least ten every night. Sometimes much later if she’s ‘in the zone’ as she calls it. Says her flatmate is distracting when she’s trying to work at home.”

“All righty then. You go back in your cage now, Bridezilla. I’ll see you tomorrow. We can chat over that two hour lunch break.”

“Actually, I’m taking the entire day off and so are YOU, so THERE. Note that I am not disputing the Bridezilla label.”

“Noted. Now you note that I am officially terrified to be your maid of honor.”

“Duly noted and recorded.” He kissed the top of my head. “See you tomorrow, love. Good to have you home.”

“Good to be here. Go have wine. Have some wine for me. Have a LOT of wine for me…”

He laughed. “I think something harder is in order…”

“I’m sure you do.”

The laugh turned into a cackle as he headed back to his flat, closing the door he’d left open in his rush to greet me behind him.

I poked my head into my own flat, calling out to Tom.

“Babe? Where you at?”

He came bounding down the steps.

“Hey. What would you like for dinner?”

My face scrunched up. “Well, actually…”

“I know. You need to go speak with Trudy. But you still require sustenance…may I bring you both something?”

I kissed him quickly. “You may, good sir. Thanks. You’re fucking awesome.”

He grinned. “But am I awesome at fucking?”

“Methinks you know the answer to THAT already.”

“I do, I do. What would you like me to order?”

“Surprise me? Wait. Chinese? Pizza? Shit. Surprise me. Yeah.”

“Will do, my love.”

We embraced, and I turned, walked out the door and down to the office to deliver the news.

****************************************

I found Trudy in the upstairs conference room, the table nearly covered with papers, her hair up in a tightly wound bun as she chewed on her pen while staring at her laptop screen. She looked up at the sound of my footsteps, grinning, then put the pen down before speaking.

“You fired Mark.”

My head tilted to the side. “Um, well…yes. Yes I did. And you knew that how?”

“I lost access to the server about twenty minutes after I called you.”

“Well, shit…I hadn’t considered that aspect. Sorry. I absolutely should have let you know…”

Eyes back on the screen, she waved a hand in my general direction, the other resting on her mouse as she scrolled quickly. “No worries. Don’t give it another thought. I’m delighted that you fired him…he was a humongous tit. So, we’re doing this on our own, yeah?”

“That was the plan.”

“Good to know that picking out everything I think we need wasn’t a waste of time, then. I based it all on their server specs, then…found better stuff.”

I walked around to look at her screen. “Okay, rack servers instead of towers…that will save a ton of space. Dual Intel Xeon E7 processors, Windows Server OS, 128GB RAM, 2.4TB SAS hard drive…holy shit does that say sixteen GRAND? I think I need to sit down.” I flopped in the chair next to her.

“Maude, we can probably still find someone who can get it done in time.…”

I shook my head. “You and I both know that we’ll never be happy with someone else’s work. And we both also KNOW we’ll get everything done in time. So we need, what? Eight to start?”

“Eight to start would give us enough room to host about four thousand accounts, based on our calculations. Not future proof by any means, but it should do.” She began chewing on her pen again.

I nodded. “And we’ll also need all the cables, UPS backups, rack cabinets…and we’ll have to install security devices on Simon’s office, a door keypad or keycard, as well as tamper alarms on the servers themselves in order to meet industry standards. Not too worried about that, nor outside intrusion from hackers, because if they can get in after I’ve locked it all down I’ll be calling them to see if they want a fucking job.”

The pen dropped to the table. “Simon’s office?”

“Yeah. We’re swapping. That’s really the best spot for them, climate-wise and everything. And there’s room for both of us. I don’t actually NEED an office, I can set up shop anywhere when I need to meet someone face-to-face. Oh, and the network will have to be completely, totally separate from the Prosper one, and I’ll want our own T1 lines as soon as we can get them…”

Trudy chuckled. “So I should place the order, then?”

I leaned forward to rest my elbows on the table and cover my eyes with my hands. “Actually, I’m going to have to use Tom’s Amex for this one because my cards actually have limits. Let me text him…oh, he’s bringing us food. Forgot to mention that.”

“Good. I could eat, you know? What’s on the menu?”

I sat up and pulled out my phone. “No clue. Told him to surprise me.”

“I’m willing to wager he brings pizza.”

“Sadly, Trudy, I’m afraid I am not in a financial position to wager due to our imminent expenditure.”

She reached out and poked my shoulder. “You know quite well you’ll make that back in a very short time.”

“HA! Do I? I do not. But I hope so, because we’re on the hook for almost twice the server cost for the wedding. I think I need a cocktail.”

“And Mark will be sending you back the fifty thousand, so that will help, won’t it?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not counting on that happening. Like, at all. EVER. No idea how it works over here, really, but in the US it can take forever to even get a lien against someone who doesn’t pay what they owe. But I’m still going to sue the fucker…”

Trudy laughed. “I wouldn’t have even considered thinking otherwise, Maude.”

I typed quickly, then slowed down because I kept screwing up so badly and backspacing took up even MORE time than going at my normal rate.

Hey babe…could you maybe saunter that gorgeous ass down here? I miss you. – M

And also…I kinda sorta maybe totally need to use your Amex card again. – M

Sorry. L I’ll do an EFT to your account from mine tonight. – M

Not even ten seconds later my phone dinged.

I’ll be right down. The pizza should be here soon anyway. And please don’t be sorry. – T

And also…do you happen to have any cash on you? :P – T

I snorted quietly.

Yes. Small amounts of legal tender…that I DO have. :P – M

I turned to Trudy as I got up in order to go meet him at the front of the office. “Glad I didn’t bet. It’s pizza.”

Her right arm shot up in the air, hand in a tightly balled fist. “YES! Pizza!” She rose from her seat. “I’ll go down and get some plates and drinks.”

“Cool. Thank you.”

I walked out of the conference room, reaching the main door just as Tom appeared. He peeked behind me, saw we were alone, then grabbed me by my ass cheeks, pressed me into his crotch and rammed his tongue into my mouth. An indeterminable amount of time passed as we dry humped furiously, the building door buzzer startling us out of our thoroughly inappropriate behavior. Both of us were panting, Tom’s words uneven, his voice deepened into fuck mode.

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to go pay the delivery person, would you?”

My gaze travelled to his groin, the outline of his cock clearly visible as it strained against his jeans.

I ran my finger along his fly. “Well, clearly you aren’t up for THAT at the moment, so sure, I’ll handle it. The pizza, I mean.” Licking my lips suggestively, I squeezed gently. “THIS I’ll handle LATER.”

His jaw shifted to one side. “Maaauuuuudddeeee…”

Shrugging, I began to saunter away from him. “Don’t you Maude me, mister. YOU started this.”

He groaned, and I shifted my jeans around once I was out of his line of sight, sighing with relief when the seam was no longer digging into my crotch. The pizza delivery person was a red-headed freckled fellow, to whom I handed the equivalent of sixty dollars or so, grabbed the two pies and closed the door with a hasty but pleasant ‘have a great night!’.

Tom was nowhere to be seen when I walked back in, so I traversed to the conference room with the delectable scent of pizza infiltrating my nostrils, and for one brief shining moment I considered locking myself in my office with both and seeing how much I could put away before anyone noticed. Then I remembered it was no longer my office, technically, and THEN I remembered that I had a server order to place and if I deprived Trudy of pizza she might turn against me and that would NOT help my cause at all.

He was seated at the table, while Trudy stood, attempting to organize the scattered paperwork into piles to make room for dinner. When Tom didn’t stand to help me, I knew he’d bolted in there and sat down before Trudy had come back upstairs, and that he was still raring to go. I tittered to myself, but apparently not quietly enough.

Trudy looked up from her most recently formed stack. “Something funny, Maude?”

I placed the pizzas on the table. “Everything’s funny when you’ve spent your day on a Transatlantic flight and are starving and about to spend an insane amount of money on things that will take up a shitload of time you don’t really have in spite of the fact that you already paid someone else to do it for you.” I opened one box, saw that it was plain cheese, ripped it from its companions and took a huge bite. My words were garbled as I spoke and chewed at the same time. “MMMMM, that’s better.”

I grabbed a Coke, a plate and some napkins before flopping into the chair next to Tom. He reached past me to retrieve his own slice, opting for the garbage pie, downing it in five bites, then got his own plate and soda, belching loudly after his first giant draught.

“Goodness, excuse me.”

“Dude, there’s no excuse FOR you.”

He stuck his tongue out at me and snagged another slice for himself and one for me as well. Trudy munched contentedly on her own garbage slice, and we continued in relative silence until both pies were consumed. After we cleaned and washed up, I walked Tom to the reception area. He handed me his Amex…the Centurion Card, also known as the Amex Black Card. Made from anodized titanium, which gave it its coloring, the card number, expiration date and account holder name were laser etched into the metal.

I sighed as I took it from him. “Thanks, babe. Again, sorry.”

He said nothing, and I tilted my head as Tom not replying to an apology was, to date, unheard of. I waited for ten seconds, then righted my head and cocked an eyebrow. He looked down at my hand, the one holding the card, then back up at me, his own brows raised. I shook my head.

“Thomas. I have no clue what you’re getting at here, and your silence is quite disturbing. So why…”

He pulled his wallet from his pocket again, opened it, and removed another AMEX card, holding it towards me so I could clearly see his name displayed on the front.

“Why do you have two cards? Have you always had two cards? Do you have two accounts or…”

He chortled. “Maude. Look at the one you’re holding.”

I gazed downward, and instead of seeing ‘Tom Hiddleston’, I saw ‘Maude Gallagher’. My eyes shot up to meet his, my voice rather toneless when I spoke. “This card has my name on it.”

Nodding as he put his wallet away, he smiled at me sheepishly. “I added you as an authorized cardholder. Hope that’s all right…I know we never really discussed it, but I figured you having your own would be helpful, especially if I’m off filming and you need something for the wedding or anything else that exceeds the limit on your other cards. That made me sound like a bit of a pompous asshole, didn’t it? Sorry.”

I shook my head. “No it doesn’t. My cards have limits. Fact. I just said that to Trudy before we ate, actually. Also fact, you are just so thoughtful and helpful and thank you for this, so much. I’ll keep track of what I spend and reimburse you each month, okay?”

His hand reached out and came to rest on my shoulder. “Actually, I think that’s something else we should talk about.”

“If you mean talking about me not paying you back then I’m going to have to pass, m’kay?” It was something I’d been avoiding, the ‘money talk’. So far I’d insisted on paying my own way, and I didn’t feel comfortable with that changing. He’d been accepting for the most part, but on the plane ride home when I mentioned paying for half of the wedding expenses he’d only managed to utter a terse ‘absolutely not’ and as I balked his jaw tensed, so I let it go.

“Maude. We’re getting married. Husbands and wives typically merge at least some of their finances, do they not? And even if…anyway, how other people handle it doesn’t matter to me. It’s what I’d like to happen, but you may feel differently. Which is precisely why we should have a conversation about it, during which I will persuade you to accept my proposition.”

I said nothing, and he stared at me pointedly until I gave in, sighing, and a smile turned the corners of his mouth upward as I spoke.

“Fine. But we need to have it like, now or I’m going to stick my head back in the sand and pretend this never happened.” He laughed, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “So. I’m going to go spend a shit load of money, then I’ll meet you upstairs and you can have your way with me. Verbally. Something. Okay. Yes.”

He embraced me briefly, then whispered in my ear as he released me. “And after? Physically?”

I rolled my eyes. “Shush. Go. Away with you.”

His normal strut was greatly exaggerated as he walked out the door, and I groaned, shaking my head as I went back to the conference room. Twenty minutes and one phone call later, the servers and all the other components we needed were ordered and set to arrive on Wednesday, early AM. Which happened to be the day before Christmas Eve, and I kept my freak out over losing two days that I should be spending getting everything ready to a holiday under control until I headed upstairs, repeating ‘it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s all fine’ to myself but not believing a single syllable.

Tom had left the door open, and when I stepped inside he was sitting at the dining table, his laptop open and a stack of folders behind it.

“Hey, you. Everything ordered?”

“Yep. Delivery Wednesday morning, and hopefully we’ll get them unpacked, in place and perhaps up and running then because I won’t have any time to work on them until we get back from your mom’s on Saturday. Hopefully I can attend to all Simon’s needs tomorrow and then…” Luke’s voice from behind me made me nearly jump out of my skin. I spun around to see him standing right behind me in the still-open doorway, a half-smile raising the right corner of his mouth.

“Oh, good. You’re here. I just wanted to tell you that there is no way I’m allowing you to give up your office. I’m going to rearrange mine so Simon can share it with me, and you can use his space for whatever you need, plus it can serve as Trudy’s office as well.”

I crossed my arms. “But what about clients? And how are you going to get any work done with him jabbering away?”

Simon yelled from down the hall. “I HEARD THAT.”

I yelled back without moving from my spot. “GOOD. IT’S THE TRUTH. AND I GUESS YOU DON’T ACTUALLY NEED AN OFFICE ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU DON’T DO ANY REAL, ACTUAL WORK.”

“AGAIN WITH THAT SHIT? FUCK YOU, WOMAN.”

Luke grinned. “So it’s settled, then.”

“Looks that way. Thanks, Luke. You’re the best.”

“I know. And please, do remember that tomorrow when you’re out with my better half…just when you think it’s time to bring him back, add on an hour or two, if you don’t mind.”

Simon’s voice again. “YOU SUCK ARSE, THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU!”

Luke winked at me, then off he went, and I closed the door behind him, walked over to where Tom was sitting, wrapped my arms around him from behind and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck. The resulting shiver made me chuckle, and I bit his earlobe prior to speaking.

“So, where would you like me, Mr. Hiddleston?”

He groaned. “I appreciate your diversionary tactics immensely, but…have a seat right here, please.” He patted the chair to his left. I sat, and he turned to meet my gaze.

“I’m just going to jump right in here…so, after the food poisoning incident I began thinking to myself, what would happen if something were to…happen…to me?”

“THOMAS. DO NOT EVEN GO THERE.”

He rested his hand on my thigh. “I have to go there. Not just…death…but what if I was badly injured? Fell terribly ill? What if you didn’t have access to the funds you needed to deal with any of it? And also, as of now, my family could do as they pleased…and I trust them, of course, but…you’re the one who should be making those sorts of decisions on my behalf. Once we’re married, it’s easy, but that’s six months away and…what if, you know? And then, we set an actual timeline for getting pregnant…”

I snorted. “Oh, are you getting pregnant too? WOW! I can’t wait to see THAT.” He took my hand in his, expression deeply concerned, which sobered me and I kept silent, feeling like a snarky shithead as I nodded for him to continue.

“It hit me, the level of responsibility required, and that a month or two from now you could be carrying our child and I…I…I just want to set everything right so no matter what, that child is taken care of properly. So I requested an Amex for you…they’ll send another once we’re married and your name is officially changed…and got the ball rolling so I’d have all the documents in place we need in order to add you to all my financials, the flat, the car…all of it. If you aren’t comfortable doing the same, that’s fine, but all you have to do is sign these and…”

I let go of his hand and leaned back in my chair, processing the enormity of it all. Insisting on paying my own way because NOT doing so made me feel like some sort of freeloader seemed so trivial when I examined the angle he’d been viewing things from, and I was unsure how to phrase things without sounding incredibly idiotic.

“Tom…okay…I was avoiding this whole…thing…because in my head it was just money, and I have money, though it’s not the kind of money you have, and that’s where my issue was, because I don’t want you to ever think that I’m in this for that. Which I’m sure you already know, but…yeah. I’m sorry about that, and I should have just fucking said it, right? Right. And here you are, thinking not of yourself, but of me, and our future family and…wow. I’m really, really sorry. And I have no problem with you being joint in all my holdings, no problem at all…” He cut me off.

“Even with the app coming out? That has the potential to turn you into a higher earner than me quite quickly.”

I stared downward briefly, then back up to stare blankly at him, blinking like an owl as I did math in my head, smiling as I came up with a total. “You’re wrong. Even if we have ten thousand subscribers, I’m still under for the year what you make per film. By a decent amount. So there.”

He laughed. “The maths elude me, Maude. You know this.”

“No lies detected. The way it’s structured is that all the funds go into the Manageall business account and are dispersed from there, so as long as you’re on my checking account you’ll have access, and we’ll need to add you to the business itself…”

Shaking his head, he leaned forward to kiss me softly. “Not necessary.”

I shrugged. “I think it is. I’ll have Barty get to work on adding you to the New Orleans and New York houses as well…that’s pretty much it for me. Just checking, savings, the two houses. Nothing else. Glad I pulled everything out of the market. This is pretty simple, as far as this sort of shit goes.” I grimaced. “I guess we need…wills. Which we’ll have to modify if a kiddo enters the picture…”

He smiled. “When.”

My eyes rolled without hesitation, and I pinched his cheek. “Fine. WHEN. Now, give me a pen and let me sign all the things and then you can fuck my brains out. If that’s acceptable to you, that is. Is it?”

He stood so quickly the chair toppled over behind him, grabbed my wrist and pulled me from mine, then dragged me to the couch, pinning me under him as he ground against me. “No. It isn’t. You can sign those anytime, but right now my cock needs to be in your pussy. RIGHT. NOW.”

“But…TOM…that’s so…irresponsible of you…we need to get everything in done…”

“I AM getting everything done. I’ve just decided to start with YOU.”

He tickled me until I was a helpless blob, yanked my jeans off, unbuttoned and unzipped his own, then sank into me with a moan so ridiculously erotic that I came before he even began to move. Which turned out to be a good thing, as after fifteen quick but punishing thrusts he came as well, grunting into my ear as I wrapped my legs around him in order to rub out my version of the second coming.

We rolled on our sides without separating, no easy task on the couch, his arms wrapped around me the only thing preventing me from falling backward and onto the floor. He smiled softly as I traced the lines of his face.

“You are…you’re…you are such a good man, you know? Always thinking of other people, their needs.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Not other people. Just you.”

“Liar. You’re the most considerate human being I’ve ever met. And I love that. Probably because I’m, you know, NOT.”

“Oh, stop. You’re incredibly considerate. Why, while we were on the plane back you only rolled your eyes at the mother of that screaming toddler instead of flipping her off…”

I let my mouth drop open in feigned surprise. “Geeze, you know, you may be on to something there…personally, I think you’ve just made me…SOFT.”

His cock twitched inside me, and he chuckled. “Sorry, but I can’t say the same for you, love. Sign and bed, perhaps?”

“Yada yada yada, screw. Sounds about right.”

We took care of that business, then the other business, and spooned as we dozed off, back in our own bed, in our own flat, and all of a sudden, I realized I was actually looking forward to Christmas, which hadn’t been the case in a very, very long time.

****************************************

Just after Tom and I finished breakfast on Tuesday, Bridezilla Ahlberg barged into our flat with his usual flourish, dressed in black skinny jeans, grey leather chukka boots, a grey tweed pea-coat with matching newsboy cap and a black and grey striped scarf wrapped around his neck. He took one look at me in my ratty, baggy men’s jeans and puffy black parka, pointing accusingly in my general direction.

“Tell me you just came back from a coffee run and that you’re changing, like, now.”

I looked down at myself, holding out one foot to show him the pair of Birkenstock boots I’d picked up before we left for Hawaii but didn’t have a chance to wear. “Um, no. But look, aren’t my new boots really, really beautiful? And cool? LOVE THEM, SIMON.”

His eyes rolled. “Okay, as far as Birkenstocks go they’re decent. But those jeans look like you haven’t washed them in a week and my GOD that JACKET. Wait…is that FAKE FUR ON THE HOOD? You expect me to tool around London with a woman with fake fur on her hood? No. No no no no no. Think of my reputation!”

He was right about the pants…almost. I’d worn them on the flight home and all day yesterday but the rest of my jeans were still packed away and I’d been entirely too lazy to dig them out. Under the parka I had on a black V-neck T-shirt, topped with one of Tom’s zip-up black cardigans, my hair bound up in a sloppy bun that would no doubt become a ponytail at some point in the day. No makeup, either. All of it the stuff of nightmares in Simonland. I snorted.

“Well, look at it this way…I’m so hideous that everyone will spend more time looking at YOU, and that’s the goal, am I right?”

Rubbing his hand with his chin, he considered my statement, then nodded. “That’ll do. Also, we’re already late so there’s simply not time for me to rectify the situation properly. Say your goodbyes to lover boy and let’s move it, please and thank you.”

Tom had snuck into his office without my noticing, and rose instantly from his chair when I entered the room, wiggling around the furniture to embrace me. “You’re off, then, I take it?”

I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his scent, which, let’s face it, was always a terrible idea. Pulling back, I sighed. “Yes. Off I go. Are you SURE you don’t want to…”

He laughed. “Positive. I’ll stay right here in my comfy sweats, thanks. I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too. Need anything while I’m out?”

“Something chocolatey?”

“Will do.” I pulled him down to me, kissing him, tongue running across his lips, then sliding inside his mouth halfway. He bit down gently, letting go as I groaned. “Well, for THAT you’re going to get random sexts all day long, Thomas.”

“Mmm, that sounds fun. And the sweats make for easy access…”

I shoved myself backwards, then turned to face the door as I walked through it, hand in the air and waving behind me. “Hasta la vista, baby.”

He replied using his best Arnold voice. “You’ll be back.”

“Uh huh. Yep. Sure thing.”

His laughter followed me as I grabbed my bag, dragged Simon out into the hall, then closed and locked the door behind me. We walked down the steps to the main entrance, and I was surprised to see a cab waiting.

“Don’t feel like driving today, Simon?”

He opened the cab door for me. “Fuck no. Christmas shopper traffic…we’re cabbing and walking. Though probably more cabbing because that wind is wicked.”

I put my hood up as he got in the other side, smirking. “You know, I hadn’t noticed. This parka is super-duper warm and stuff.”

Plopping down, he flipped me off. “Whatever. So, aren’t you wondering what we’re doing today?”

“Um…maybe? Mostly I’m just wondering how many tantrums you’re going to throw and if I’ll feel like I need a cocktail when all is said and done.”

“How rude. You’re supposed to alleviate some of my stress, not cause more of it.”

“Perhaps you chose unwisely when you asked me to be your maid of honor.”

He threw his arms around me and kissed my cheek. “No, I did not. And I’m going to try very hard to not be nasty, bitchy, petty or throw tantrums today because I love you and I missed you and I have something very important to tell you and something very important to ask you but…first, the tailor so we can do our final fittings and then to Sugared Saffron to check on the cake and then to the Searcys to make sure the menu is set and everything is in place and then I’m taking you to Bocca Di Lupo for lunch, even if you aren’t dressed for it, which is fine because I know the chef, and we’ll talk while we dine and I AM GETTING MARRIED IN NINE DAYS PLEASE HELP ME.”

Taking his jaw in my hand, I got close enough for us to touch noses. “It’s going to be fine, you’re going to be fine, and you know damn well that I’ll make sure that this wedding is going to be specfuckingtacular. Right? No one plans like me. No one organizes like me. No one gets shit done like me. And though I bust your balls endlessly about being a lazy piece of shit, you’re exactly the same way. Paired up? WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE. Now quit worrying and let’s get the work out of the way so we can go to lunch because you need to spill, son. SPILL.”

And so it went, first the tailor, who had to take my dress in another inch at the waist and discreetly averted his eyes as best he could when confronted with my nipples. Then Sugared Saffron, where we examined the sketches for the six-tiered beast Simon had decided upon and got to see the special order 3-D printed topper…replicas of Luke and Simon right down to their eye color, standing shoulder to shoulder and holding hands, Simon in a white suit and shirt, Luke in all black, both with silver cummerbunds and pocket squares. I couldn’t resist asking the manager for contact info for the company he’d gotten the topper from, and he generously accommodated my request, even fishing around in his desk drawer for a business card. In hindsight, I think he was just hoping to distract me and get us out the door before we made any additional changes to the plans he’d thought he was finished with.

The Gherkin blew my mind…Searcys was the top floor, and the views of the city were breathtakingly gorgeous in person. I tuned out and stared at the skyline while Simon talked food with the event manager, knowing his expertise and experience would guide him no matter how stressed he was. My phone dinged…a text from Tom.

Still waiting on those sexts. Or have you decided my biting your tongue doesn’t require retaliation? – T

Oh, it does. I was going to wait and swallow your cock whole when I got home as punishment, but if you’d prefer sexts instead, that’s fine with me. – M

It was at least a full minute before he replied.

Sorry. I dropped my phone and it flew under the desk and then I cracked my noggin on it as I tried to stand up. I believe I may require medical attention. – T

Also, stop texting me RIGHT NOW and I’ll see you later on, all right? K thanks bye. :P – T

As you wish. Lunch is next, then I’ll be home. Love you. – M

Love you too. :D – T

Simon and the event manager were bickering over which vegetarian dish to offer as an alternate main course, and when the manger asked my opinion I shrugged and said I was a carnivore who had little love for veggies, Simon snorted and blurted out ‘meat and only meat for the lady, please…she’s overly fond of sausages, or so I’m told’, which resulted in my excusing myself post haste so I could lose my shit privately in the bathroom, flushing the toilet repeatedly to mask my raucous laughter. By the time I was finished and walked back into the dining area, the waitstaff had arrived and Simon was standing alone, gazing out one of the windows. He turned to me, a sad smile on his face.

“I wish my parents weren’t so awful. This is a huge thing for me in my life, marrying the person I love more than anything, and they’re…just…I read their Facebook posts sometimes, you know? And they’re horrified that their son is getting ‘gay married’ and all their friends are telling them how sorry they are and…anyway. I thought they were progressing a little, but…I was wrong. I should have known better.”

I pulled him into an embrace, his head resting on my shoulder briefly. He cleared his throat and pulled away, but I took his hand, unwilling to let him go.

“So, are they coming to the wedding?”

He sighed. “They have yet to RSVP.”

My mouth dropped open. “You invited them and they didn’t even RESPOND?” He nodded. “Wow. That is incredibly fucked up. I’m sorry, honey. Want me to hack their Facebook accounts and post an endless stream of rainbow flags and gay pride parade videos? Because I totally will. As long as you know their email addresses…and the passwords I might even be able to guess. Hedied number 4, capital U, maybe? Or how about thorncrown33?”

First a gasp, then a giggle, followed by a chortle and a slap to my bicep. “You are HORRID, Maude, and I love you. So much. Thorncrown33. Good lord. HA, see what I did there? My god. HA! AGAIN!” The waitstaff was staring…not openly, but a glance and a smirk here and there. Simon tugged on my hand. “Time to go, BFF. Allow me to provide you with foodstuffs as a reward for your loyalty to the king, and your service as court jester.”

We held hands in the elevator, and continued to do so out on the street as we waited for our cab. He leaned in to kiss my cheek at some point, and I kissed his in return. Words seemed unnecessary, and I wondered if that was what he’d wanted to tell me, which would leave only the thing he wanted to ask me, and I couldn’t even being to imagine what that might be. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted the long lens of a camera poking out from behind a bush.

“Um…Simon? You might want to prepare yourself to be slightly more internet famous than you already are.”

He looked around, and I pointed. He waved at the camera. “Hi! Yes, this is Tom Hiddleston’s fiancée. Maude Gallagher. Yes, I am holding her hand. Yes, I just kissed her.” He let go of me and walked over to the bush, peering around it. “Oh good, there you are. My name is Simon Ahlberg. Lovely to meet you, and sorry to disappoint, but I’m gay. And engaged. Actually, I’m getting married on New Year’s Eve, at the stroke of midnight, to the most wonderful man in the world, Luke Windsor. Proprietor of Prosper PR. Genius, love of my life. Will you print that, maybe? I’d appreciate it if you would. Also, Maude is my maid of honor. It’s going to be the best wedding ever. And I mean EVER! Print that too, okay? I’m a petty bitch and want everyone to be jealous.” He turned on his heel and literally skipped back to my side as I saw the pap emerge and wander off, shaking his head.

My own head was shaking back and forth, and I began to applaud. “Dude, that was fabulous. SO FABULOUS.”

“I know. I hope he runs with it…because seeing an article in the Daily Fail or something about me getting gay married would really piss my parents off.”

During the cab ride he called Luke, whose response to the pap encounter was initially ‘you did WHAT?’ but dissolved into ‘I love you even more than I thought possible right now’ and I just sat quietly, torn between ranking on them and reveling in the magnitude of the love they’d found in each other.

Bocca Di Lupo looked tiny from the outside, the front coral-colored bricks and industrial style windows. The interior was actually spacious and bright, the length of the building allowing for a decent amount of patrons. To the right was a bar that took up a quarter of the entire space, the bottom crafted from medium, rich honey colored wood, seamless and curved at either end, the oval top comprised of stone, round stools with rust-brown leather seats and chrome legs. The dining tables were toward the rear, and we were seated just on the other side of the bar, tucked in a corner with a wall on two sides. The table tops were the same material as the bar counter, and the chair cushions, back and seat alike, had the same covering as the bar stool seats. The lighting was amazing, a huge O-shaped chandelier with metal accents, placed right in the center of the dining area.

I took one look at the menu and raised a brow. “Lamb sweetbreads? Pigeon? Suckling pig? Really?”

Simon rolled his eyes. “I am attempting to expand your food horizons by encouraging you to sample some authentic Italian dishes.”

“Thanks, but…no thanks. The buffalo mozzarella seems safe…it’s just buffalo milk, right? And I’ll have the meatballs braised with wine and lemon, and a side of roast potatoes and wild garlic.”

“Never say I didn’t try. I’m going for the octopus, roast tomato, celery and basil salad, wild boar as my main, and a blood orange and red onion salad.”

The waiter took our order, and as we sipped our drinks Simon fidgeted in his seat for a few minutes, finally breaking the silence by clearing his throat.

“Okay, Miss Maude. I’m not sure whether I should ask or tell first.”

“You didn’t already tell?”

His head titled to the side. “Um…no. Why…oh, right, the parents. No. That just…happened. I’ve decided I want to do the asking now. So here I go. You know our wedding song is Feeling Good by Nina Simone, yes?”

“Yes. Duh. I’ve told you at least a hundred times that I love it and it’s one of my favorites and it’s perfect. And Phaedra has a friend who’s going to sing…”

“Yeah. About that…her friend’s gone off to Ireland to care for a family member who’s become ill, so she won’t be singing after all. Which leaves us without someone to sing our wedding song and…”

“Are you going to ask me to sing a Nina Simone song? THAT Nina Simone song? With the bit of scatting towards the end that I could never, ever replicate? At your wedding?”

He nodded emphatically. “Yes times four. Not like you haven’t sung it before, or am I wrong?”

“Of course I’ve sung it before. Just not in front of a room full of people at A WEDDING when it was the WEDDING SONG.”

Leaning across the table, he placed his hand over mine. “So will you do it?”

My chin fell to my chest as I sighed, then lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Sure. Why not. Not like I’ll be wearing a see-through dress and pasties while I’m doing it…OH WAIT…I WILL BE!”

I could practically see the relief wash over him. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You’ll be fantastic, I know it, and it means so much, having you sing it…” He broke off as the waiter appeared with our appetizers, wiping a tear from his cheek. The buffalo milk mozzarella was delicious, and I focused on it intently so I wouldn’t notice the octopus bits on Simon’s plate and barf all over the table. The main course arrived shortly thereafter, and we ate quickly, casually exchanging stories regarding what we’d been up to while we were apart. We both ordered chocolate and marzipan balls with rum and raisins for desert, and I threw caution to the wind and chose a Bicern to go with it…a mix of hot chocolate, coffee and cream. Once that had been delivered, Simon closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them.

“Now comes the telling. This is a big one, and it’s not something we’re telling anyone other than Phaedra and you and Tom until the time is right. So.” Another deep breath. “Luke and I have decided that we’d like to have a family. Together. A child. Children. Kids. Us. Together. We’ve got our egg donor, and some eggs set aside already, actually, and just last week we found our surrogate. Now this is the crazy part, the totally, completely mental bit…are you ready?” I just stared, and he snorted and continued. “It’s my ex-wife, Lisa.”

Mouth agape, head tilted, I was momentarily at a loss for words. “Are you…are you…are you fucking kidding me?”

He roared with laughter. “No. No I am not. Luke and I discussed our plans with Roland, because it’s something we thought he should be aware of so he can get used to the idea, and apparently he went home and told Lisa that we wanted to have a family and that he wished he knew how to help because I’m such a great dad already and Luke’s a great dad too and that any kid would be really, really lucky to have us as parents and...” He paused, holding back a sob, then continued, tears streaming down his face. “So Lisa talked to Jim, her husband, and they all came over and…here we are. She loves being pregnant, apparently. And she actually said she’s very happy for me, that I finally found what I was looking for, and that raising a child with someone you love is an experience everyone deserves to have and…” He put his head in his hands, weeping, and I reached across and took hold of his wrists.

“Simon…that’s incredible, and beautiful and I’m so, so thrilled for you both.”

He pulled his hands from mine in order to blow his nose in his napkin. “The plan is to use two embryos on the first go round, one fertilized by my sperm, the other by Luke’s and see what happens. And…we’re going to start trying in April. And AND, if and when we’re successful, I’m likely going to be stepping away from Prosper to be the stay-at-home parent.”

Those words hit me hardest, because I hadn’t even thought about what I’d want to do when there was a real, actual baby in the picture. Would I continue to work full time? Go part time? Not work at all? Yay, more things for me to obsess over. And what would Tom want to do? Cut back on his own work? Try and stay close to home? Or would the baby and I travel with him? I was yanked from my wool gathering by Simon tapping on my forehead.

“Maude? You okay? What’s going on in there?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them. “Well, since it’s confession time and all…I’m going off the pill next month. So, are you all ready for Christmas or what?”

“MAUDE! OH MY GOD! CAN YOU IMAGINE IF WE HAVE BABIES AT THE SAME TIME?” He realized he was shouting about my personal business in the middle of a crowded restaurant, threw a wad of cash on the table, and escorted me outside, my jacket only halfway on. “Sorry about that. Damn. But I AM SO EXCITED! Are you excited?”

“Uh…sure. Yep. Excited. Also filled with trepidation with a little horror mixed in because I have no idea what I’m doing and will probably suck at being a mom. But also in awe of the fact that there might be a little combo of Hiddleston/Gallagher genetics running amok at some point, and I can’t wait to see Tom with a baby. He’s always wanted to be a father. Hopefully I’m not too old to make that happen. Christ. Can we be done talking about this? I…”

He gave me the biggest bear hug I’ve ever had, whispering in my ear as we waited for the cab. “Don’t be stressed. I’ve got experience, and trust me, it’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever do, and you’ll be an exceptionally excellent mother. And you aren’t too old, honey. Plus, if you need a little help, you have the funds. So no worries. It will happen.”

I wiggled free as the cab pulled up to the curb. “I hope so. Shit. I promised Tom chocolate. Can we swing by a bakery on the way home?”

His elbow rose in my direction. “Twist my arm, why don’t you?”

“You sure you want to put that out there, Simon?’

He tucked his arm back into his side. “I hereby rescind my offer. A sling would really clash with the wedding theme, and inhibit my dancing considerably. Good call.”

“Damn right.”

The ride back was uneventful, both of us busy munching on some of the chocolate chip cookies we’d purchased. After trekking up the stairs we hugged goodbye in the hallway, and as I turned my key in the lock I could hear Tom speaking loudly inside. I opened the door to find him pacing in the kitchen, one hand in his hair, pushing it back over and over, the other holding his phone to his ear.

“Yes, yes, I KNOW. Okay. I’m not sure how to handle this. I know. You don’t either. It’s just so sudden. We’ll figure it out. Maude’s home. I have to go.” He tapped his phone, then looked up at me, his face paler than usual, visibly upset and unduly stressed. “It’s my father.”

My first thought was that he’d passed away, but Tom’s tone during the call didn’t quite convey that. He’d seemed agitated, short tempered…and that was my shtick for a dead parent, not his. I walked toward him, stopping a foot away, uncertain if he wanted to be touched at this juncture, speaking firmly but softly.

“What happened?”

“He’s coming to Christmas. After almost twenty years of completely ignoring all of us during the holidays, the son of a bitch is coming to Christmas.”

#your light in the mist #chapter 38

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sanrosa · 4 years ago

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10:43pm

A month ago, exactly a month ago, I would not have imagined being in the position I am right now. Because a month ago, I still had uni assignments that were still due, I was still living with my one sister and mom, I had just applied for a learnership which I had hoped and prayed so much for - feeling optimistic because of the responses I gave for the interview, I still had a learner's licence that was about to expire and I was blatantly waiting for it to expire because there was no hope whatsoever anymore that I would get a test before it expires (my punctuality cost me a great amount), I still did not know how I'd really execute my vision of getting into the scenes and finally officially put myself out there as a rapper/artist, I still did not know either how I'd take advantage of the platforms I had initiated but did not carry on with (my blogs, youtube channels, twitter accounts, instagram, etc.) and I still had no full set idea of what I was going to do this year, like exactly what I'm working towards by the end of this unexpected gap year. This was all me, a month ago.

A month later... so much has changed, I'm quite amazed. So... I never quite really finished the assignments on time, and well, in summary: I failed. The hour I spent after reading that email, that hour- in pure shock, is one I will never quite forget. How I had emotions too many, yet none. A state of confusion, shock, heartbreak, deep sadness, then numbness, then acceptance, then happiness, then relief and joy. All in a matter of minutes. At the same time, I was trying not to feel either. I convinced myself that it is not that deep, I am strong and I will get through this. Because in a way, I had also expected it, the way things were going. I could not have expected that I pass with flying colours when the effort I was putting was minimal to none. Literally doing things last minute. So, while I was surprised at failing for the first time in my life academically, I honestly did not have anything or anyone else to blame but myself. The responsibility was completely my own and it is in my doing and way of handling my time that I succumbed to this position (of failure). So, yes, I do know that I am at fault. But fr, it just could not erase the fact that I was in shock hey. But I did move on from that rather quickly. And what I took from that moment were two things... A big lesson, and a big advice. The biggest lesson was (and will continue to be, until I truly learn and master it) - How to take control of my time and manage it efficiently! There will not a lesson as big as this one right here for me. Because it has become my biggest weakness and starting to become my most wounding one, unless I start acting right and learn it. I've been losing too much and too many precious things (opportunities, assets, beautiful moments) to my lack of time management skills. And it hurts! So I have no choice anymore other than to fully commit myself to respecting, cherishing and managing my time the way I'm supposed to, to get to exactly where I want to be. And well, I guess I'd say the advice is actually also in this lesson; Practice, practice, practice! Master the art of doing something when I need to and am able to. There's no better time than now. Anyways, next. Well, just a month ago I thought I'd be living with my sister for the year. But, my aunt and cousin came to visit for a weekend, and my cousin did not have a place to stay yet for his school year (res) so we found out he'll be staying with us. For a month. Jiki-jiki, a month later.. Both my sister and my cousin have left. Gone to their residences and off living their lives. As if I expected that?? I should've, right? No. Because my sister never actually said anything about leaving, and I genuinely thought my cousin was actually going to stay like a bit longer because who starts staying in a place in like the middle of the month, you know? So here I am now, lonely and sad they're both gone and I'm just left with my mother, who besides being a really cool and sweet human, likes to naaagg! about almost anything around the house. from the table not being wiped properly, to the windows, to the curtains, to the food and the way it was cooked, to the. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I understand as she is a black parent. I dislike it (extremely), but I do understand. I mean in any case, she probably has a lot of stress already so this is like her way of taking it out I guess (and lmao that is actually exactly what goes through my mind when she nags. I bounce her energy off, and not let it interfere with my energy, by keeping in mind that she's just trying to air out her 'boiling' thoughts, so i should not let it get to my emotions so that I have a bad vibe because the vibe that's been created. and it works like a charm). At the same time though, I'm not trying to paint a picture of her as an extremely 'complaintive' person lol, it's just i think that i'm not used to this energy anymore. I left the nest last year. Now that I've come back, I'm not sure how the hell I was able to handle such energy... cause it is lame as hell. But anyways, my point actually was how sad I am that my sis and cousin left. So abruptly even. Man. At least my cousin (who actually just left this morning) did leave me with something valuable. A truly valuable gift. He taught me how to make a beat. Just a day ago I didn't know practically anything about making beats. Not even the names of the types of instruments (snares, kicks, hi-hats, melodies). But now, I feel like I've unlocked a whole new world of understanding music. Cause now it feels like I even know exactly what went into the beats that these famous artists (Drake, Kanye, Nicki, PND, Cardi) use for the songs. Of course not exactly what they used, but more or less how they made it. And it looks easier now. My journey on being a rapper now looks more lit up cause bitch I'll even be producing my own hits now. Ah! Lol but okay, honestly, that was fire. And I'm truly and eternally grateful he helped with that. I hope he has a blessed year. Alright... next. (sigh) The learnership. Actually this one kinda still hurts deeply so I won't get too in detail about it, but... I did not get the learnership. Though I genuinely felt like I fit the criteria perfectly when I applied, as well as living very near to the workplace. Heaven only knows why I would be given such an opportunity and have the strength to actually take it, yet the outcome is a complete flop. Like I am honestly trying to understand why I even saw the ad in the first place... At such perfect timing (cause I was not going to be taking a gap year this year anyways)... All to just give me unnecessary hope? Why?? Why break my heart like that??? But ok yeah ... Life and shit. Anyways, the learner's licence. Haha, this one is quite interesting actually. Because to be truly honest, I had almost forgotten that I had a learner's licence. And I think it's because in my mind I had obtained the learner's, took driving lessons and had already planned to take the driver's test in PE, however I was in Gtown for most of last year, so it seemed like something that could not happen until I fully got back to PE, which was December. December came and went with all the fun I had and it completely slipped my mind that I could take lessons and a driver's test during the time. Came beginning of January, I'm preparing for school. Still no 'go book a test' in mind, until the middle/end of January (when it became final that I was not going to school this year) and I thought 'oh damn, this would be the perfect time to actually take lessons and book a test then'. Only to find out I am too darn late; the DLTC is all booked out. Oh, how I regretted wasting my time on idk what. 🙂💔 Fortunately, I was not too bummed out, considering I have another whole year to redo this then. Unfortunately, I stumbled upon a post by one of my favourite artists right now, Saweetie, and found out that she is doing a giveaway (brave of me to enter that world again, I know. I don't know what's my problem really) and well, I decided to enter it. Thing is though, it's a giveaway for a whole Tesla. Yes bitch, a whole entire mthrfking TESLA. And my ass is smart enough to think I would win it lol. Okay, God bless my heart. Anyways, so the catch is.... You need a driver's licence. OBVI! But I don't have one. YET! So, uhm, *cough cough* let me f**king book for learner's as soon as the day it expires!... Okay, done! Now let's go take the test 6 days later!... Okay, done! We passed... Done! Wooh. Now let's book for a driver's test as soon as you get home from writing the test cause we excited asf!... LMAO done! Now let's make sure it's a good date and good time astrologically too (cause that lowkey was the case with you writing the learner's test and boom you passed, even tho you didn't even check).... Done! Okay, we almost there, now go book for lessons at One Way (I'm sure they'll have spots for you cause it's a whole month and 3 days before you take your test lmao).... Done! Yay! I have a whole month to practice. Let's get it! Okay well, that's where I stand so far. Tuesday I'm then going to pay the booking fee and stuff. Then, take lessons from both the driving school and with my mother. Then take the test on Weed Day lmao. So after the test I smoke one up and celebrate victory. 😄 All in due time for the giveaway closing after two days. Wows. Whether I win the giveaway or not though, I'll just be glad that it seriously inspired me this much to finally get a driver's licence. Like, it genuinely pushed me hey. So boom I was able to get a licence this year 😁 Urrrniways... Next. My vision. Oh my dear vision. To be a well known female rapper. Beeeen hiding behind the scenes, you'd never know what I'm up to, whether I'm working, I'm playing, I'm being boring, I'm having a blast... or even having a child, chile (lmao). But one thing's for sure, I am still alive. Okay. And I'm just about to be more alive, and you'll even feel more alive... when my ass starts dropping things. Yasss honeyy, dropping my name, dropping that ass, dropping these beats, dropping this sass. Oh shit, here's the real her. Yes, hi. I been working, and I been playing, now let's get to showinnngg.😁 Lol, okay but on the real. A month ago, I really did not know how to execute my vision. In some parts I still don't really, like the cover for my debut EP (photography-wise), who to really contact for first edition EP-listening, and how much it would completely cost to distribute this whole idea/vision (which I'm actually going to have to start becoming my own professional accountant). But in some parts I now do, including important parts like GETTING THE MIC (😪😁 finally! and guess when it came? March 16th. always a special day for me this one), knowing how to produce my own beats here and there (finally 😁), and how exactly to market to a large number of people (😆more views and stuff), then perhaps less important stuff like the outfit I will wear for my very first performance lmao, and posting my stuff on instagram and tiktok (unexpectedly actually), and actually understanding and lowkey connecting with underrated rappers/singers. It's a pretty dope world to see tbh. Overrall... Babbyy, I see you the see the vision now. It's an exciting time to be in. (Side-note: Lmao I highkey lowkey think the moon being in Gemini just impacted me now. cause suddenly I'm on some other mood within writing this post. lmao shit changed quite drastically than when I began writing). Anyways, next. Last but not least... Taking advantage of these platforms, in conjunction with what exactly I will be doing this year. So, a month ago, I had almost forgotten about my astrology blog. Well, let me actually put it this way... I started to kinda cringe at the thought of my blog because it had been a while since I'd posted, so I wasn't too keen on going on to tumblr again. All the notifs, inboxes and deep cringe from noticing how it's been almost 5 months since I last posted something. Likkke... girl, is you serious or not? Lol, but then... an idea got blessed in my head on the 4th of March (a beautiful idea that will start commencing very soon)... How about I start a small business? :? Selling..... Merch. Based on astrology.😁 It is one heck of a win-win situation for me and the people getting interested in astrology now. But of course... I need an audience to sell to. So, (to the Heavens I thank for the day I randomly posted some astrology thing here on tumblr and it actually blew up and I did not even expect that), now I have some people to at least engage and connect with for this business. And I thank the Heavens even more that my idea somehow got transferred into my mom's head and she popped up a question of "Don't you wanna start selling stuff?" or something like that. And hell to yes, I grabbed that opportunity like no other! (but fr, I was shocked first. like what? you read my mind or sumn?) Lol, and so... Mi lady and I talked business and how she'd invested a K for me to check if I'd really be able to handle it. (Oh and perhaps I might add, my dad also did 'invest' a K for me in terms of my music... cause I was able to buy a mic with the money he gave me. Yes, yes, a whole K went into a mic). So I can only genuinely thank God for the people in my life, and how this path is going for me right now. Like, wow. But yeah. Technically, I haven't received the K from Mi lady yet, but that is good because I'd like to get in touch (and get bigger) with my tumblr astro fam again. Then in a couple of weeks, we officially commence. Just in time for me having a driver's licence. So, things can be easier for me pushing my business. :') Lord God, You are great. The greatest. Otherwise... yeah, then other stuff ke like really building my niche on instagram (posting pics and stuff), starting a music/astrology channel on YouTube (which I released my first video today 😁), and already officiated handles on twitter and insta. I'm not too sure if I care about facebook tbh. but yeah, then all that's left is the website itself and a professional email address. then, digitally, we up!

So yeah man... wooh, what a month passing by. never would've thought of all of these things happening. but I can only thank Lord God because it's none other than His doing that's helping me with all of this. Like I actually cannot explain how grateful I am for how kind and amazing He has been to me. and the fact that I'm able to see and understand why these things are happening. some making me really sad, but it's all just to introducing the next that will make me really happy. I am truly blessed man. wow.

God, I thank you. With all my heart and being. All my existence and soul. I thank you.

#strawberry mint series

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dartlekey · 7 years ago

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A Tale of Things Lost

Chapter 4: Sleep

Summary: Mistakes are made. So is breakfast. Inukawa's bed is surprisingly wide, but his siblings are a pain.

Notes: I wish I had a best friend like Takenaka. By the end of this chapter, so will you, I hope.

Previous chapter | First chapter

Takenaka hated Football games with a passion.

You'd think the destruction of half of Spices City would at least deter the organizers from scheduling another game, but no. According to the dude on TV, it was actually “in defiance of this tragedy” that the game was held. Takenaka wished they could save their defiance for another time - perhaps when he wasn't trying to sleep.

Sighing, he rolled over on his bed and grabbed his phone. Once he'd stopped squinting from the harsh glare of the screen, he opened his tumblr blog, hoping that looking through his aesthetic tag would make him drowsy enough to block the voices - only that he was almost immediately interrupted by the message icon popping up.

What's Inukawa doing up at 12:30 am, he thought tiredly, and checked the message.

You still awake? ʕ•ﻌ•ʔ, Inukawa had written. The cutesy emoji were normal for him; Takenaka often had fun imagining Inukawa's actual expression as he typed those - he suspected it was the same he wore when they were alone, which was somewhere between ‘ugh’ and ‘dead inside’.

Yeah, why? Takenaka texted back. The “...” symbol came up almost immediately, but stayed there for quite a while, occasionally disappearing only to come back up seconds later. Takenaka frowned at his screen. This did not bode well.

He was staring at the screen so hard it took him a few seconds to realize that Inukawa had finally sent his response.

…because I think I kinda had a panic attack just now (￣□￣;;) Thought you should know, since you’re my mental health rep or whatevs ﾍ(￣▽￣*)ﾉ

Takenaka dropped his phone on his face in shock. For a few seconds he just lay there, dazed - then he sat up and grabbed his jacket from his desk chair. Be there in ten. Stay put. He didn't wait for the response, instead hurrying out of his room and down the stairs, trusting in the fact that his mother was a heavy sleeper.

He arrived at Inukawa’s house seven minutes later huffing from exhaustion. One week of body improvement club hadn't exactly increased his endurance much; or actually at all, it felt like - at least he hadn't had that far to go.

Inukawa's head was already sticking out of his window, glaring at Takenaka in disbelief. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Providing emotional support,” Takenaka said, “Now let me in, it's freezing out here.”

“Wha- you can't just come in! My parents are watching TV in the living room, they'll see you walk down the hallway - and they won't be happy, seeing as it's one in the morning, and I'm still grounded for disappearing for two weeks.”

Takenaka frowned. “Why would they watch TV at quarter to one in the first place?”

“How should I kn- what are you doing.”

“Climbing through your window. Good thing you're on the ground floor, I don't think I'd be able to scale your house's drain.”

“Takenaka, I swear-”

“Shush. I'm concentrating.”

So he said, then slipped and fell through the window, faceplanting onto Inukawa's bedroom floor. “Ouch.”

“You sure you were concentrating?” Inukawa quipped, looking down at him with no move to help him up. Takenaka shot him a glare, carefully touching his nose to check for bleeding. “A little gratitude would be nice, you know.”

“Gratitude for what? I didn't ask you to come here.”

“Yes you did,” Takenaka snapped, harsher than he'd meant to. “I know you, Inukawa; you wouldn't have texted me unless you were desperate for help - so a few concerned words on the screen would hardly have sufficed as comfort. Your hands are still shaking, for fucks sake.”

Inukawa looked down in surprise, and quickly shoved his trembling hands into his pockets. “Oh. Ah.“

Takenaka sighed, and sat down on the bed, brushing off an empty bag of chips. “So. Wanna talk about it? “

Inukawa hesitated. “I don’t really - uh… Could we just look at the stars for now?” God, this is embarrassing. But it does help me calm down...

Takenaka nodded, a bit taken aback by Inukawa's odd request - but he had no reason not to comply. “The stars? Uh, sure.”

Inukawa sat down next to him on the bed, which was, conveniently, directly opposite the window. Takenaka looked out, and was surprised by the amount of stars they could see despite being in a city. I guess Inukawa lives in a place with little light pollution. Lucky him.

Takenaka glanced back at Inukawa and was suddenly struck by how young he looked, with his fearful eyes set on the stars outside, shaking hands crumpling the blanket beneath him. Inukawa was fourteen, he had to remind himself, just like himself; a second year in middle school. Going on age alone, his eyes shouldn't yet hold as much bitterness as they did, and the happy smiles that danced over his face so often shouldn't be fake. Neither should his own, for that matter; neither of them deserved the curses they'd been afflicted with, and Takenaka felt an irrational surge of anger at the world for being so uncaring.

But he kept his silence, and watched the stars, and soon enough his anger had dissipated. No wonder that people have been stargazing for millennia, he thought curiously; it makes you feel oddly peaceful.

Well, unless you really disliked space for some reason. “Is this okay for you? I mean, doesn't looking at the stars remind you of… uh…”

“Of Moetyl?”, Inukawa finished, his attempt at nonchalance lost to the tremble of his voice. “No. Actually, rather the opposite - since I never saw the stars from there…”

At seeing Takenaka's confused expression, he explained, ”You see, Moetyl has no day or night because of their planet's rotation. It's like earth and the moon - you know, like people all around the world only ever see one side of the moon because its rotation around itself correlates in a certain way to its rotation around earth? So, the N’Eivackh have the same thing going on, if you equate their sun to earth and their planet to the moon - so basically, half the planet is always dark, and the other half always light. And I was slap-bang in the middle of the central sunny continent. The only way I could keep track of time was my wristwatch... “

Takenaka nodded, wondering how Inukawa knew so much about the other planet's strange rotation patterns but knowing better than to ask. After all, he probably doesn’t know either, how he got that information. “Permanent sun, huh? Good thing they don't have vampires. Or do they?”

Inukawa laughed, his voice cracking in a way that sounded suspiciously like a sob. “No, at least not that. But it was shit as a human as well, you know - it was so draining. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get proper rest without nighttime; I was permanently exhausted... anyway, looking at the night sky here reminds me that I'm definitely back on earth.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, for once a tangled mess instead of the neat bob Takenaka had grown used to. “That's actually what set me off, more or less. I turned the main lights off to go to sleep but I’d forgotten that my desk lamp was on - and, well, the desk being right next to the window, I only processed myself turning off the lights but bright light coming from outside after midnight and I…”

He took a deep breath and exhaled shakily, revealing how high-strung he still was. “I just lost it completely. I thought I was back on Moetyl, and that I’d… that I’d die there alone, and never see another human soul again. That I’d either go mad or kill myself, and didn’t know which sounded worse. Or that I’d never die and be stuck there for eternity…”

He managed another sob-chuckle. “Now that I say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous, but it seemed so incredibly real at the time. I - God, I was so afraid…”

Takenaka didn’t know what to say to that - but he knew what to do. So he shifted closer to his best friend and shared something he usually hated to talk about simply from the shame of it… Strangely enough, in front of Inukawa, he didn’t feel ashamed at all.

“When I was younger, I used to cry every time there was a big game in Spices City. Didn’t matter what sport, I didn’t know the difference back then anyway, nor did I care. I hadn’t discovered earplugs yet, and the whole city converging in a mass of sound and emotion was an absolutely terrifying experience. My parents couldn’t even begin to understand what I was suffering through - to them, I was sobbing and screaming for no reason, and my dad gave up trying to help when I flinched away from his touch. But my mom was stubborn, and eventually found something that worked to calm me down... She’d have me lie on my stomach like so,” he pushed the other boy sideways, and Inukawa obediently flopped onto his stomach, eyes glinting curiously in the moonlight. “And then she’d draw circles on my back, like so…” He began the pattern, three little circles, then three big ones, then the little ones again - and repeat.

“The SOS pattern?” Inukawa realized, after a few rounds. “Yeah,” Takenaka said quietly. “I loved morse code as a kid, since it’s the one language with no ugly subtext - plus it has a kind of puzzle feeling to it. A mind game, you know? And Mom knew I loved it, so she built it into her pats for me to figure out... Oh, and she sang to me, those cheesy songs that always came on the American radio. Her English was terrible, but I still loved it…”

He paused, and made a face. “I’m not singing for you though, just so you know.”

Inukawa laughed, and it sounded a bit more real this time. “I should hope not. I heard you at last years’ school festival, you can’t hold a tune for shit.”

“Hey!”, Takenaka protested, but he did it with a smile; Inukawa having his nasty sense of humor back seemed like a good sign. And since he never told Takenaka to stop, he continued drawing circles on Inukawa's back, switching symbols after a while - stars, smiley faces, fishes; whatever came to mind.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he realized that Inukawa had fallen asleep. Sighing, Takenaka stretched, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. He should head home, really; there was no point in staying…

But the bed was super comfortable. And it really was cold outside…

Okay, five minutes, Takenaka told himself as he stretched out next to Inukawa. Close your eyes for five minutes, then head home.

Definitely more than five minutes later, Takenaka woke to a shrill ringing, his limbs entangled with someone else's.

“Ugh, Tetsu,” Inukawa grumbled even before his eyes were open, “I told you not to just climb into my bed uninvi-” He immediately fell silent as soon as his eyes opened. “You're… not my little brother.”

“Uh, no,” Takenaka said awkwardly, extricating himself from the tangle of legs and blankets. “Sorry, I really didn't mean to fall asleep here, it just kinda happened - Ohgodmymomisgonnakillme.”

In his haste, he fell out of the bed, slamming into Inukawa's floor for the second time that day. “What is it with me and floors,” he muttered as he searched for the alarm clock, which was still ringing loudly. “Ah there it - is…”

He looked up at Inukawa with surprise. “Why's your alarm set for so early?”

Inukawa chuckled. “Breakfast and bentos for everyone don't make themselves, you know.”

Takenaka opened his mouth only to close it again, feeling like a spoiled only child not for the last time. “Right. Then I'll leave you to that. Uh, see you at school?” Well, that would have been a good plan - but it seemed his stomach had awoken at the mention of breakfast, as it was now growling loudly. Takenaka flushed scarlet, wishing the floor would swallow him. This was not his morning.

Surprisingly, instead of a sharp-tongued witticism he received a sleepy smile from Inukawa. “Wanna have breakfast here?”

Takenaka frowned. “Uh, what about your parents?”

Inukawa waved a hand dismissively as he lazily swung his feet out of bed. “Don't worry. My dad's already left for work, and Mom doesn't roll out of bed until Tetsu needs to be taken to preschool.”

Takenaka hesitated, but breakfast did sound a lot more enticing than walking home in the early morning chill with an empty stomach. “...Alright then. Lead the way.”

The first thing Inukawa did after entering the kitchen was put on the water boiler.

“Coffee?”, he asked. Takenaka nodded enthusiastically. “God, yes. I don’t think I’ll survive today otherwise.” Inukawa chuckled, and nodded towards the big round table dominating the centre of the room. “Sit down, if you want. I’m starting on the food.”

Takenaka sat down, curiously watching Inukawa juggle ingredients, pots and pans with practised ease. Apart from the occasional night when his mom was out on a date trying to find another step-dad for him, Takenaka had never cooked for himself before; he was sure that if he’d attempted to prepare so many things simultaneously, he would’ve lost track and burned something…

“Milk? Sugar?”

Takenaka blinked, then shook his head at Inukawa, who’d just placed a steaming mug in front of him. “Ah, no thanks. I drink it black.”

Inukawa stared at him, disbelief mingling with disgust. “You barbarian.”

Takenaka grinned and took a long slurp. Inukawa squeezed his eyes shut and turned back around to the kitchen isle. “Are you serious? Right in front of my salad?”

Takenaka choked on the coffee, cough-laughing as Inukawa returned to his cooking. “Serves you right,” Inukawa said smugly, then yawned. “Ugh. I need some caffeine too.” He stepped over to the water boiler, then back to Takenaka, then quickly shuffled to the stove again, where something had started to bubble. Takenaka looked down at the item Inukawa had placed off to the side - a small mug with the hiragana for “Mameta” clumsily scrawled across its surface, probably by a young Inukawa. Steaming away inside cup was a teabag; the label told Takenaka it was white tea.

Takenaka grinned. His dad called white tea “sissy tea”, because it was delicate and sweet instead of strong and bitter like green or black tea - of course Inukawa, with his sweet tooth and intense dislike for bitter things, would drink that for breakfast. He was extra that way.

Takenaka took another deep gulp of coffee, then paused curiously as he began to hear music drifting from a small speaker system above the stove. “Is that… the Breath Of The Wild OST?”

Inukawa glanced over, continuing to whisk eggs in a small bowl. “You’ve played the game? Didn’t think you were the type.”

Takenaka shook his head, embarrassed. “Ah, no. I just like listening to gaming soundtracks when I’m out and around people. No vocals, so I still get a break from the voices, but not dry like classical stuff. It’s just… relaxing, I guess.”

“Hmm,” hummed Inukawa thoughtfully, tossing the eggs into a pan. “I see.”

They spent the next few minutes in silence, just listening to the soundtrack drifting across the kitchen, but as the coffee woke him up properly, Takenaka grew restless. “Hey, is there anything I can help you with?”

“Eh,” Inukawa deadpanned, not even turning this time, “I'd rather you don't, you'll get in my way.”

“Oh.”

Takenaka awkwardly took another sip of coffee. Well, that sucked, even though he knew Inukawa was right. Still didn't help him feel less dumb -

He looked up in surprise as Inukawa placed down an array of bowls in front of him, as well as five lunchboxes of varying sizes. “You can arrange the bentos - wash your hands first, though.”

Takenaka nodded, jogging over to the sink already as he tried to hide his smile. Now that was a part of cooking he could manage. I guess Inukawa can be thoughtful, if he wants to be.

“If I may ask,” he said as he started scooping the food into the boxes, “what was the food on Moetyl like?”

Even with his earplugs still in and Inukawa's back turned, Takenaka could feel the dislike radiating from the other boy.

“Let's just say some of it was still moving.”

“Ew!”, Takenaka responded incredulously. “Really?”

Inukawa laughed. “Really. Oh, they had this pink jelly stuff though, it tasted like marshmallows with cinnamon. Nina would have loved it.”

“Did you say my name, Mame-chan?”, a sleepy voice from the doorway said - then gasped, now clearly awake, “Holy shit. Haru-chan, come quick, you gotta see this."

A taller girl (maybe twelve?) appeared in the doorway next to the twin-tailed monster, looking curiously inside the kitchen - then her eyes caught on Takenaka, sitting as he was at the kitchen table in yesterday's crumpled clothes and his messy morning hair. “Wow. I… was not expecting that.”

“I told you he was Mametas boyfriend! You owe me 500 yen.”

Inukawa choked, then spluttered, “Wha- he's not my boyfriend! We're just-”

“Just friends?”, Nina quipped dubiously as her older sister gave Takenaka a disbelieving stare. “Really, Mame-chan? You’re telling me that as he sits at our table with his sex hair?”

Takenaka's jaw dropped. “My what?” How does she even know what that is at her age? She barely looks nine! ...No wonder Inukawa has trouble with his family.

“Now, don't jump to conclusions, Nina,” Haru said calmly as she walked to the table and sat down across from Takenaka. “Maybe they're just friends with benefits.” Nina frowned as Takenaka made a strangled wheezing noise. “What's that?”

Inukawa interrupted before Haru could respond. “Not something you should know until you're older. Actually, not something Haru should know either; I think I need to tell Mom to stop letting you buy those BL manga…” He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Let's just agree that this conversation never happened and have breakfast.”

Nina frowned. “What? No! I want compensation for my bet - give me my 500 yen, then we'll have breakfast.”

Inukawa raised an eyebrow. “You really think I'm going to spend money on your dumbass bets about my love life?”

She smirked. “Actually, yes. Because mom doesn't know about your boyfriend… ah, I mean, special friend staying over - and I bet you don't want her to know.” She paused, her eyes widening. “Wait, is that what benefits means?”

Takenaka stared at the unfolding fight, quite stunned at his first encounter of ‘love amongst siblings’. Inukawa on the other hand seemed quite used to it, as he just scowled, eyes narrowing at the little devil. “Fine. But stop calling him my boyfriend, that feels gross and I don't want to lose my appetite.”

While Takenaka probably should have felt insulted, he didn't; rather he felt the same way. He was well aware that usually people who were just friends didn't randomly visit each other at 1am, even if the other was in trouble... and they certainly didn't sleep in the same bed, cuddling. (Not that that bit had been on purpose.) But even so, with Inukawa it had felt so natural, so easy - no attraction, no butterflies or whatever was supposed to float around your stomach and turn your brain into mush; just a connection of two weary minds, enjoying each others company. Calling it dating somehow felt insulting to the understanding they had.

Not that Nina seemed to get it. “Maybe~”, she just intoned in a sing-song voice, sauntering over.

Takenaka frowned. Now this was unnecessary, although perhaps… Ah, bingo. “Actually,” he said, immediately gaining everyone's attention, ”Inukawa doesn't owe you anything. Well, not unless you want him to tell your mother that you only scored 23 points on that last maths test.”

Takenaka's gaze was met by three wide open pairs of eyes. He smiled innocently. “I finished the bentos, by the way. Can we eat now? I'm starving.”

Haruka was the first to respond, grinning widely for the first time that morning. “You know what? I don't care what he is to you, nii-san - but you definitely gotta keep him.”

Inukawa didn't even respond verbally this time, he just grabbed his tea and took a big gulp.

Ugh, I'm not old enough for this.

#atotl #chapter 4 #mob psycho 100 #inukawa mameta #takenaka momozou #inunaka #my fic

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demialwrites · 7 years ago

Text

False Start Ch 2

Link to AO3 Page

This makes some references to the first chapter, and it’s been a while, so here it is. This is basically Reader’s first time, and they have it with Genji. ^^

Props to those OW imagines blogs who can write shit similar to this and not fucking blush and almost die. I have respect for you.

Genji didn't push you after the first attempt to try again. Some time went by, and he did bring it up once. He asked if you wanted to make another attempt. You expressed concerns about whether or not he would fit, because he didn't last time. He wiggled his fingers at you and said, "Let me know if I can be of assistance with that."

Then he grinned at your embarrassment and wrapped his arms around your torso, gently pinning your arms to your body, rocking you back and forth. You automatically bent your elbows upward to wrap your arms around his.

Genji always showed a lot of affection, more than you could ever need. And it was always careful and gentle. It was as if he wasn't sure at what point any roughness from his cyborg body would hurt you, and he was constantly trying to avoid finding out. Perhaps he felt a little guilt from hurting you during the first attempt at sex months ago.

Nonetheless, the way Genji was with you came off as very tender. One could call it loving. It had the side effect, intentional or not, of quickly nurturing some strong romantic feelings. Before you knew it, you started to wonder if you had stronger feelings for him than he did for you. You'd never been so happy to see or touch someone in a long time. He always made time for you, so you guess he felt the same.

It didn't help that Genji looked at you with a strong, unidentifiable emotion in his eyes sometimes. He took his visor off more and more, the more often you both spent time together. It was overwhelming trying to hold his gaze when that happened. It seemed to make things worse when you looked away. When you did that, he just moved in to be close like he was doing now, which seemed to increase the feeling and making you a little flustered.

Something occurred to you, and you had to ask.

"I'm happy it turned out like this, but what made you think that what we did wasn't going to be a one night stand?"

Judging by the angle of his helm, he seemed to be staring into space before. He lifted his chin and observed you before answering.

"I made the assumption that you were not that kind of person. I'm glad I was right," he replied, the smile evident in his voice.

His answer made something click and slide into place inside you.

"Maybe we could...maybe you could help me now."

"Really?"

He sounded hopeful.

"Yeah," you replied, forcing some confidence into your voice. You were okay with this; you were just nervous.

Genji didn't move, however.

"Right now, right now?" he asked, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yes," you insisted, expanding your arms from your body and his fell away in turn, "Now, before I lose my nerve."

Genji took your hand and led you back to your room. You couldn't help but be reminded of the time he followed you back to your room after that particular mission.

Once while inspecting Genji's hands, you made an offhand comment that he should wear a condom over them while fingering you, in case he pinched your insides with the knuckle joints. You were sure that you were worrying over nothing, so you never brought it up again. But Genji had condoms and lube ready.

"Genji, I was kinda joking," you told him, while taking your clothes off and tossing them haphazardly on the floor, out of the way. Genji had no need to take anything off, the lucky man. He merely removed the plates covering his face and sat on the bed.

"No, I think it's a good idea. I have not touched someone like this since I got this body."

"But you have...had sex?"

For some reason, it embarrassed you to ask.

"Oh? Yes. At the time I was surprised they wanted to - have sex with a cyborg, I mean - but I have accepted it now."

You wanted to argue with him, but he would probably consider you biased. You loved his body, and maybe he didn't.

"Anyway, I am worried you will be reluctant to try anything more involved if I hurt you with my fingers."

You wanted to tell him it wasn't true, but he was being sweet. So you held your tongue and instead sat facing Genji on his lap. You were still a tiny bit nervous, you admit.

"Before we get started," he began, running his hands up and down your hips, "there was something important we didn't do the first time. No foreplay."

There was that intense look again, softened only slightly by a sly smile.

The warm up was sloppy. Genji intended to rub your clit, but you couldn't help pressing the entire area to his palm. The material it was made of felt fantastic to grind against. All he had to do was apply pressure. You hungrily pressed your open mouth to his, and he returned your desperate enthusiasm. Genji's free arm hugged your lower back, and you explored the interlocking parts of Genji's back with your fingertips.

It was embarrassing how soon your mind hazed over, pressing down harder on Genji's hand. He held it steady and firmly rubbed. Seems you had both been waiting for this moment. You moaned into his mouth in lieu of saying his name. Eventually, you broke the kiss and pinned him with a heated stare.

"Finger me," you demanded.

His smile was lazy and his eyes clouded with lust from the makeout session. The sight drew you closer. He slid his bottom lip, slick with saliva, through his teeth. You were so close to pressing your lips to his again, despite your demand for a change of pace.

Genji flopped back on the bed, and you fell forward on his chest with a surprised noise. Genji chuckled and grabbed a condom and the tiny bottle of lube from behind him. You both sat back up. You rested your cheek on his shoulder while he carefully applied the lube to you. He caressed the back of your neck with his free hand.

"That should be enough."

You couldn't help raising an eyebrow when Genji does slide a condom onto his pointer and index fingers.

"I am not taking a chance," Genji insists.

He's being so careful, that your cheeks get warm. You shifted on your knees, getting comfortable and giving Genji permission with a look.

"Hang on to me, if you like," he says, ending the sentence with a quick smooch to your lips and a happy smile. It does comfort you to rest your hands on his shoulders, pressing a few fingers on his round vents.

Your mouth drops open, ready to gasp in anticipation of the pain, but his fingers slid in to the first knuckles no problem.

"It feels really weird," you said. Not surprising, considering it was two artificial fingers shoved into a condom.

"But it does not hurt?"

"No."

He watches your face while pressing his fingers in to the second set of knuckles. There was a sudden burning pain, and you flinched, your eyebrows tightening together. He stopped and pulled back a bit.

"Too far?"

"Yeah, but we're here to do that, aren't we?"

He looked unconvinced. You were worried he would suggest you guys should stop, so you squeezed the part of his shoulder near his neck, for what it's worth. He's never told you to stop touching his body, so perhaps he can feel it in some way.

"What if I took over? You stay still," you suggested.

"If you say so. We could always-"

"No," you shooked your head, "I'm comfortable now."

You closed your eyes. You tried to remember to breathe from your stomach to relax your body. It's working. It burns still, but not too much that you can't work my way down. Then Genji's finger involuntarily twitches and brushes against something extra sensitive. The little bit of pleasure feels like a relief compared the uncomfortable stretch, and it makes your eyes fly open in surprise. He corrects the bend of his fingers, thinking he did something wrong.

"No, don't stop."

"Hm?"

Genji must have figured it out, because he curled his fingers further, gently petting the swollen node inside. This time you squeezed Genji's shoulders because of the burn from the movement of his fingers. You bit your lip, powering through the pain.

Genji inclined his head.

"It's fine," you assured him.

It was worth it, as you had fantasized numerous times about Genji's unique hands pleasuring you. That made this extra intense, and you had the greedy feeling of wanting more than you could have. Eventually, the good feeling deep inside outweighed the pain. And then the pain disappeared altogether.

You closed your eyes and leaned forward, resting your forehead between his chest pieces. Just enjoying the feeling of Genji's fingers inside you, and the fact that you were comfortable with it. That felt like a win. You let out a deep, relaxing breath.

"You know," Genji began, and you could feel a faint vibration in his chest while he spoke, "this is about my size. Maybe a little bigger."

You lifted your head in surprise to look at him.

"W-we don't have to," he quickly added, his fingers still making the gentle little movements inside.

He looked a little guilty for having even suggested you try the real thing today. You seriously considered it for a second before smiling and agreeing.

Genji quickly withdraws his fingers with a ridiculous wet sound and a suppressed smile.

"Come, come," he says, patting the middle of the bed.

"Missionary is just fine for your first time. I think you'd agree."

Your agreement is to lie back on the bed, resting your head on the pillow. Genji crawls on top, supporting his weight with his hands on either side of your shoulders. He gives you a reassuring kiss.

"Hey. You are doing well."

You nod.

Genji leans back to sit on the bed. You let him arrange your legs on the bed to his liking. He asks you if you're okay while removing the black cover on his crotch. His eyes close and there's quiet sigh of relief when his cock flops out, fully hard. He looks up at you, and you can tell with the wider eyes and barely noticeable downward curve of his mouth that he's worried about what you'll think of the state of the skin on his length.

"I'm fine," you laugh nervously, remembering to answer his question. Because he's been really sweet this whole time, you can't help but try to lighten his mood, "It...matches!"

When he realizes when you're referring to the scars on his face and his dick, he makes an "oh" face. Then he breaks into loud laughter that he can't seem to stop. There's a few tears. You're not sure if you should be offended or laugh with him. When his laughter dies down to giggles with quivering shoulders, you can't help grinning along.

"I love you...but that was awful."

You're shocked, and he looks horrified. It's his turn to have a rosy blush and look away this time. This is something you haven't seen on him before. If it wasn't awkward for him at this moment, you would have told him how cute he was.

"You love me?!"

You're ridiculously happy. You weren't sure Genji felt as strongly as you did. Now that you knew, you wanted to hear it again. The three words sounded beautiful in his voice, distortion and all.

You're up on your knees in front of him in a flash, grinning like an idiot. You take his chin in hand, grasping at the metal encasing it, and you turn his face firmly towards yours. Thankfully, he doesn't resist.

"Hey," you almost whisper, in case, for some silly reason, being too loud scares him off, "I love you, too."

He looks into your eyes for a few, long seconds. It's nerve-wracking; maybe you didn't say the right thing. Then his facial expression softens, and he leans forward to give you an equally soft kiss, maintaining his stare and dragging your bottom lip with his lips before letting go.

"Lie down," he requests.

He crawls back on top, intending to get started. Because he's not down there to see, he finds your entrance by with gentle pats of his fingertips. He goes nice and slow with the next part, the actual insertion. He holds the head of his cock at your slick hole, and it feels better than you thought it would. You can't help biting your bottom lip again and spreading your thighs for more. He pressed the forehead of his helmet to yours, so that you had no choice but look to look into his soft brown eyes. They sparkle with amusement, as if each of you exchanging declarations of love was a shared secret.

"Relax," he reminds you, "I'm here. We can stop at any time."

Genji closed his eyes and distracted you with kisses as slow as the speed at which his length slides in. He stops once to ask if the angle is okay. You nod again.

"There's a little bit of stretching, but I can handle it."

In fact, it's feeling very much like it's worth it. Your clit is starting to pulse and demand more attention. Arousal seems to make things easier, so you reach down between the two of you to touch yourself. Genji groans softly and stops kissing you to drop his forehead into the pillow next to your head.

"Let me enjoy how tight you are."

You wondered if it felt as good to him as it felt to have him inside you. Warm and with a kind of satisfying fullness you'd never experienced with your own fingers.

"Ready to start?"

You hummed your agreement, and he began to kiss down from your cheek to your neck.

"If it hurts, I'll distract you."

He continues to kiss your neck, and his hips start to move slowly. He slides in and out with shallow thrusts. He goes as slow as he can. You release a breath when the painful stretch begins again. It's minimal, and Genji starts to nip at my skin, little bursts of pleasure shooting down my spine, so it's easy to concentrate on the feeling of his mouth on your neck.

"Genji," you begged with a small voice.

He hummed and pulled on your ear gently with his teeth. He sped up his thrusts, and by now, the pain had passed. You could let go of the last bit of tension you didn't know you were feeling and let your legs drop open some more. You could really enjoy the feeling of Genji inside you. Being filled and the resulting feeling of being connected to Genji on a very intimate level. You wrapped your hand around the back of his neck to trace the metal links of his artificial spine.

You lifted your head to glance at the sight of Genji rolling his hips, pumping in and out of you.

"It feels so good," he said, pressing a kiss your mouth, "to be inside you."

It was at this point that all you could do was continue to touch your clit and lie back on into the pillow. Your thighs opened further on their own. Genji whispered encouragement into your ear, each sentence punctuated by kisses to your neck. Each supportive word helped build the sweet pressure inside your lower stomach.

"You are so tight. I don't think I can hold on any longer..."

You could guess that Genji was very close, because he stopped kissing your neck and buried his face in your neck. Despite that, he still paused all movement to ask if you were okay. At this moment, that was more frustrating than sweet.

"Genji, please don't stop," you begged again. You sounded pathetic, but you were lost in the moment and didn't care. You wrapped your legs around his waist to keep him close, even though he wasn't going anywhere.

Genji leaned up, shifted his weight to his elbows and wove his fingers through yours. Genji resumed thrusting, but you didn't know if he did anything else besides that. It was just you and the pleasurable tension building inside you, until Genji interrupted with strained words.

"Y/n, I love you. Cum with me."

By some miracle, that works. All the tension building in your lower body is released, and your hips lift really far off the bed. It forces a small moan out of your mouth. Genji is quiet when he cums. He whispers 'yes,' to himself a few times and then silence. His whole body shudders afterwards.

"I almost didn't..."

He didn't bother to finish the sentence and instead rolled over to lay next to you. You didn't realize how sweaty you had gotten until now. You wanted to get up and do something about that, but Genji was still holding one of your hands. You remained, melting into the bed and letting the good feelings make your heart sing.

#genji x reader #female reader #smut #fluff #my shit

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insane-hamilton-imagines-blog · 8 years ago

Text

I’m Helpless, She’s Satisfied (Alexander Hamilton x Angelica Schuyler)

Based off of THIS

Summary: We all know the story of Alex and Eliza, and how Angelica helped her sister to get her happily ever after. What would happen if Eliza noticed Angelica in love with Alex first?

Time-Period: Hamiltime

Warnings: A bit angsty, basically the feels you get during Satisfied

Words: 2323

A/N: Okay, I know this isn’t a character x character blog, but I was really inspired to write this. Like I LOVE Hamliza with all my heart, and it killed me to write this, but at the same time I really liked writing this. I hope you don’t mind me posting this, and if you do, oh well. (Haha) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this and look for more fics (reader inserts) this weekend. Have a fabulous day!! ♥

Tags: @ailee211 @alonelynoodle @fandomshaveconsumedme @harpytheharpseal (I hope you don’t mind I tagged you, after I looked at the comments it seemed like you were interested in a story for this, so I thought I’d share my work)

Afterthought: What do you guys think about Angelica’s reaction to the Reynold’s Pamphlet if Hamgelica was canon? Let me know!

When the Winter’s Ball was announced, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy Schuyler were all ecstatic over the idea. Due to the raging war, they had been confined to the rooms of their household most days, and the prospect of a ball lifted their spirts.

Once the night of the ball actually arrived, the Schuyler sisters walked into the room, arms linked. Almost immediately, soldiers came flocking to the trio begging for just one dance with three of the most eligible women in all of New York.

Angelica, being the oldest, was used to this kinda of treatment, but still accepted the dances being offered to her. She knew that as the oldest girl in a family with no sons, she would have to marry for money. With that in mind, Angelica was going to use every opportunity she could to have fun before she would be married off to a man who would try to oppress her the rest of her life.

Peggy, being the youngest, was still getting use to balls and having men wanting to dance with her left and right. Like Angelica, she enjoyed the attention and spent the night dancing from partner to partner, not able to wipe away the smile that graced her face.

Eliza, on the other hand, politely declined all the offers and stood off to the side. She knew there would be more opportunities to dance the night away and preferred to watch her sisters enjoy themselves. In all honesty, Eliza was tired of having dozens of men trip over themselves in her presence. She wanted to find a man that loved her for her, not her money. She wanted to find her happily ever after.

More and more dances passed and still Eliza passed up every offer to dance, much to disappointment of his sisters. Peggy was especially worried about Eliza and tried to stay by her sister’s side. However, Eliza wasn’t having any of it.

“Peggy, I’m fine.” she insisted. “Now please go enjoy yourselves, there are plenty of young men who wish to dance with you.” Eliza tried to reason.

“There same can be said for you, ‘Liza.” Peggy pouted and crossed her arms her chest.

Eliza shook her head and gave a small laugh. “Do not worry about me, Pegs. I promise I will find someone to dance with before the night ends.” she promised and sent Peggy back to the dance floor.

True to her word, Eliza did spot someone she wished to dance the night away. He walked in surrounded by three other soldiers. Eliza could tell, even from afar, that it was Alexander Hamilton, General Washington’s right hand man. She didn’t know much about him, but saw how handsome he was. It was clear Eliza needed to dance with this man.

Quickly, Eliza weaved through the crowd searching for Angelica. If there was anybody who could help her get rid of this feeling of helplessness and talk to Alexander, it would be Angelica. Perhaps she could introduce Alexander to Eliza.

Right as Eliza was about to call out for her sister, she stopped in her tracks. For once, Angelica was not being swept around the ballroom by a hopeful solider. Instead, she was on her own and staring off at something (or someone). She had this dazed look on her face with a small smile. She looked genuinely happy, which was something Eliza hadn’t seen on her older sister’s face in a long time. Eliza followed her sisters line of sight, when suddenly, she felt her heart stop.

Angelica was staring lovingly at Alexander Hamilton.

Eliza prayed that Angelica did not feel anything romantic towards Alex. Eliza prayed that it was just Angelica amused by the way he messed around with his friends. However, it was all in vain because even though Eliza was several feet away, she could still here Angelica whisper.

“Maybe with him I could be satisfied.”

At that statement, Eliza’s heart broke. It was such a simple statement, but it held so much meaning. All three of the Schuyler Sisters knew that since Angelica was the oldest, she would be married off to secure the Schuyler name. None of them liked the idea, so it was never brought up, but that didn’t stop Eliza from thinking about it.

She knew it wasn’t fair that Angelica wouldn’t marry for love, but for wealth. Every night, Eliza prayed that Angelica would find a man she truly loved and had wealth, so she could have the best of both worlds, but it was a long shot.

In that moment, Eliza made a decision. One that would change her life, change Alexander’s life, and most importantly, change Angelica’s life.

With that thought in mind, Eliza walked the final steps towards her sister. With a forced smile, Eliza rested her hand on Angelica’s shoulder and silently told her to wait right there. Eliza turned around and headed for the group of four rowdy soldiers.

Once they saw her coming, their antics ceased. Eliza smiled and curtsied to the group, but directing most of her efforts towards Alexander. He somehow understood this and in returned bowed slightly before kissing her hand. Quickly, he turned to his friends, gave them a look, and they left.

Alexander turned back to Eliza and gave her a smirk. “Good evening, Miss. I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you look like a woman who is quite helpless.”

Eliza’s joyful expression quickly turned to one of anger and offense. “I don’t know what you mean. You forget yourself!” she scoffed, clearly offended by his statement.

As soon as he said that, Alexander realized his mistake and quickly spoke again. “Forgive me, but I also can feel quite helpless sometimes. I hope I did not offend you.”

She smirked back at him. “Is that right?” She decided she would now introduce herself. “My name is Elizabeth Schuyler.”

“Alexander Hamilton.” he said back.

“Where’s your family from?” he may be General Washington’s right hand man, but she didn’t recognize the name Hamilton to be one of wealth.

For just a spilt second Alexander looked panicked, but quickly played it off. “Unimportant. There’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait.”

Eliza sighed as Alexander led her to the dance floor. Yes, she enjoyed her conversation with Alexander. It was different compared to the countless, dull conversations she had had with wealthy, potential suitors. However, Eliza had seen his spilt second hesitation when he was asked about his family.

He’s penniless and flying by the seat of his pants.

He twirled her around the room, and they moved in perfect sync. It was like they had been made for each other, but Eliza knew what she had to do. Once the dance had ended, Eliza started to pull Alexander off to the side of the ballroom where Angelica stood still waiting.

“Wait, where are you taking me?” Alexander asked as he halted movement.

Eliza rolled her eyes and simply responded, “Trust me, I am about to change your life.”

When Alex gave no more signs of struggle, Eliza sighed internally and finished the journey to Angelica. Eliza took notice of how she quickly worked to make herself look presentable; her sister really did have it bad. Finally, they reached their destination.

“Mr. Hamilton, this is Angelica Schuyler.” she introduced and took a step away form the man she had fallen in love with.

He looked taken aback and glanced back at Eliza. “Schuyler?”

“My sister.” she squeaked as she suppressed a sob. She had noticed how quickly he had taken to her, and rightfully too. Angelica was beautiful and she would be able to keep up with Alexander’s seemingly nonstop personality.

“Thank you for all your service.” Angelica curtsied and sent a sisterly look towards Eliza.

He bowed towards her just like he had done to Eliza and responded, “If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it.”

Normally, Angelica would scoff at remarks like this, but this time her knees almost went weak. Eliza noticed the look her sister gave her and quickly walked away, but not before she laid her hand on Alex’s shoulder and let it linger. One final touch.

As Eliza walked away she couldn’t help but look back at the two; she could feel the rest of her heart shatter into pieces. The two of them glowed in happiness as they talked and talked and talked.

“Maybe it was meant to be this way.” she thought, sadly.

The night went on and Eliza painfully watched Alexander and Angelica sweep across the dance floor dance after dance. Angelica was practically glowing as she finally enjoyed spending time with a potential suitor.

Soon, the night ended and Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy were gossiping about their nights as they prepared for bed. Eliza sat, mindlessly running her brush through her hair.

“It was so wonderful.” Angelica gushed. “He’s not like other men, he doesn’t mind that I speak my mind or have opinions. In fact, he respects them and we actually match wits.” she said and sighed dramatically before flopping down on her bed.

Peggy smiled at her eldest sister with a naïve look. “I’m so happy for you, Angie, it sounds like true love! Do you think he’ll ask Papa for your hand?” she half whispered, half shouted, excitedly.

Eliza’s heart clenched at the questioned, but she softened as Angelica’s face dropped before she spoke. “I don’t think so, Peggy. We just met, it’s the middle of a war, and I’m sure tonight was just mindless flirting. Even if he did want to marry me, Papa would never allow it. Alexander is penniless, and I need to marry well for us as the oldest.” she pointed out sadly.

“Angelica, don’t say things like that.” Eliza scolded gently. “I saw the way Mr. Hamilton looked at you, and he is definitely in love.” she said and with each word her heart broke more and more. “I’m sure if he was to ask for your hand, Papa would see how much in love you are and bless the marriage.” Eliza reassured and joined her sister on the bed to give her a hug.

Two weeks later, Eliza stared down at a letter from Alexander with tears in her eyes. Alexander had written to her asking for advice on Angelica. He had asked her if it would be pointless to ask for Angelica’s hand in marriage due to the fact that Alexander had little to offer.

Eliza made the journey to her father’s study and entered. Instantly, she began to explain Alexander’s intentions and tried to get her father to see how in love Angelica was. As expected, her father was stern on his mind and refused to bless the marriage.

“He has nothing to offer this family, Angelica simply cannot marry him.” he said with a tone that suggested it was not open for discussion.

Eliza was persistent. “Father, please let Angelica marry Alexander, it would bring her such joy. You can marry me off for the sake of our family. I am only a year younger than Angelica, so it won’t be too troublesome.” Eliza pleaded.

Her father look shocked at his daughter’s statement. “Eliza, dear, you don’t have to do this for your sister. She knows how the world works. Her relationship is just an infatuation.”

“Yes, I do.” Eliza stated and held back the tears. Throughout their childhood, Angelica was always there for Eliza. Anytime she was frightened from nightmares, or anything for that matter, Angelica would rush to her side and comfort her better than their mother. Whenever Eliza was bored as a child, Angelica was there to make things more exciting. She even took the blame for Eliza a handful of times. There wasn’t anything in the world Angelica wouldn’t do for Eliza.

Time after time, Angelica had been there for Eliza, and this was how Eliza would repay her dearest, older sister.

Eventually, her father agreed and went about contacting potential suitors for his middle daughter. Eliza quickly wrote a letter to Alexander and vaguely told him he would be free to marry Angelica, leaving out the details of how that came to be.

Less than a week after persuading her father, herself and Peggy comforted Angelica as she waited with battered breath for Alexander to return from the closed doors. She knew he was asking for her hand, but did not know that the marriage would be blessed. She did not know the sacrifice Eliza had made for her, nor would she ever.

After what felt like an eternity, Alexander stepped out from their father’s office and looked at Angelica with the biggest smile on his face. In return, she covered her mouth in shock and tears began to pour down her face as Alexander dropped to one knee, holding out a beautiful ring.

“Yes, yes, yes! I do!” Angelica shouted happily and brought Alexander into a passionate kiss, throwing away all proprietary.

Peggy watched the scene and sighed happily for her older sister, and turned to Eliza, but she was nowhere to be found. Once Alexander had proposed, Eliza quickly made her way out and went to the privacy of her bedroom.

There, she let her tears fall. Tears of joy for her older sister, and the happiness that she now had, but also tears of grief. Greif for a love that would only exist in Eliza’s dreams. A love that would only exist in the middle of night when Eliza secretly dreamed of Alexander, who loved her sister. A love that could have existed if Eliza had been selfish and claimed Alexander.

However, as Eliza heard Angelica’s shouts of delight, she knew she had made the right decision. Angelica was getting her happily ever after. She was satisfied, and Eliza could deal with her feeling of helplessness for the sake of her sister.

#alexander hamilton x angelica schuyler #alexander hamilton x eliza schuyler #hamliza #angsty #alexander hamilton imagine #hamilton imagine #eliza schuyler imagine #angelica schuyler imagines #hamilsquad x reader #hamilsquad imagine #alexander hamilton x reader #schuyler sisters #schuyler sisters x reader #schuyler sisters imagine #I love Hamliza but I had to write this #hamgelica

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rexsilentium · 8 years ago

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// slam dunks my url bc y e s

❚ : : — ♚ Send me any url │ Accepting!!

flops over from the crazy dunk yeS heLLOO!!

Do I Follow Them?: Hella-to-the-yea I do. And by them I mean you, because you sent your own url in XD But I mean I’m more than welcome to rate any url you send me too so bring them on in :P

Why Did I Follow Them?: Well I mean, You followed me first, so like… that’s how I found you. But I followed you because I love grunt OCs. and I love Team skull. But I mean I also followed because of the vibe I got from the blog. Its just really nice.

Do We RolePlay?: YeYe we do boiiii. I’m actually kinda liking that we have some thread going. Kinda excited for future interactions too tbh.

Do I Want To Role Play With Them:I mean look above for this answer. But I mean, I could tell you of possible future interaction if you want. I’m down to plot something. I mean I’m trying to gt better with plotting so yeye boiii XD hmu if you wanna ever do something unique.

An AU Idea For Our Muses:Hmmm.. Give me some time to think about this. Because I am totally always up for AUs. There is the high school AU that’s going on right now that’s more of a group verse. OH I got one. It’ll probably be more modern anyway. Like, honestly, IDK if I should bring this up, but Red doesn’t really CARE for grunts all that much. But lemme rephrase it. with the example of Team Rocket: he doesn’t really care that the grunts are doing illegal things. what he DOES care about is if pokemon are being harmed. So in relation to your grunt and his background, honestly Red would MIND having him around. Just so long as he isn’t being an ass about his muteness. But back to the AU. So anyway, your muse clearly comes from a troubled past and family (more or less). Well I mean just look at the tropes you see in movies. There is always that troubled “jock” hanging out with the rich kid – from the football team– and they’re pretty close and troubled kid can only look at scholarships in football because that’s his ticket out of his hell. Not saying that we would take the football and high school thing. But mayBE WE CAN DO A COFFEESHOP AUUU???? No like really, look at it. Your muse is the barista, the typical tattoo bearing somewhat hipster barista (okay he doesn’t need to be a hipster, but still, he’s that scrawny dude behind the counter – I genuinely hope you know what kind of guy I’m referring XD ) Red is clearly a daily customer who usually orders the same thing but takes forever looking at the menu – though he still tips well for taking your muse’s time. Its the same tip every single day, and ITS A LOT considering he only gets one cheap item. But anyway, he comes at the same time day after day, and he usually stays for a while. Oh but get this, he only comes in when your muse is on the clock. I mean, course your muse would have days off, but he’d still come in at the time that your muse would have been working. anyway, we can start it where your muse is just no used to Red’s routine of ordering, but this time, when he has his 15 minute break, he goes and sits over at the same table as him. BAM, a platonic relationship can be formed. XDOr maybe you muse just decided to go into the coffee shop on his day off to maybe collect a check he had forgotten, and he notices my muse in the same little ol’ corner like usual so he goes and sits down and talks to him.

A Song For Our Muses:Heathens - Twenty One PilotsI only say this because lets be real, Red kinda just gets attracted to misfits in a platonic way. Not that he purposely looks for them, but he just understands them more. And lets be real here, A Suicide Squad Au would also seem interesting B) [ though I do understand that Red isn’t necessarily a ‘bad’ guy, but like… comon, why would i pass THAT up? XD ]

Do I Ship Our Muses?:Um.. Romantically, probably not. But platonically, yea, I really do actually. like I really do see our muses kinda getting close. this is due to the fact that Red doesn’t really give a flying fuck about what you are. just so long as you don’t harm pokemon, and aren’t stupid, you’re fine in his book.

What I Think About The Mun:ahhhhh???? I still don’t know you well enough unfortunately I’m sorry T-T But you seem like a fun person. Actually really sweet too tbh. I like it cause I don’t really get nervous around you and I get nervous around A LOT OF people. So I mean, thanks for being bootiful. Also we should talk more often. I have two servers that I run, one for my smite friends and the other for my tumblr friends. But I can also give you my discord too if you want :3 Anyway stay bootiful.

Overall Opinion:I honestly would recommend anybody to just follow your blog. Not even to interact ic but just in general. you’re a great person, you have a lovely muse. and overall you’re just great. Wish we spoke more. also, plz dont be afraid to send in asks, send me ALL the asks. plehs. I’d love that… im lonely. And you seem like a good person to flop around with and ramble about random shenanigans and whatnot XD

Blog Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

#shvrker #long post //#❚::�� — ( m;answered )

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serenagaywaterford · 6 years ago

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Now back to the show, I am very much in agreement with you on Nick. He’s boring af, writers haven’t done him any favors, and Max so far has unable to rise above the material. He’s an important character, but I don’t care too much. Since I am predicting Fred’s death, I am thinking maybe Nick is spared? Killing off two big characters? Oh, the horror!!

As far as Serena kicking it, I think it’s unlikely, but if she gets a glorious death that she deserves, maybe fighting on the side of the good, I am okay with it. I kinda don’t want her fully redeemed. Conflicted bad guys are always far more interesting in my mind. Plus, I am a big Yvonne fan, so for selfish reasons, I’d like to see her expand her horizons and move on to other great projects. I don’t want the show to drag on, 5 seasons is enough for me. Anything longer, quality may suffer.

-----

Thank god. I mean, the amount of blind Nick/Max worship on this site is just exhausting af. And for some reason they all get posted in the tags/searches consistently and I am forced to see them on my dash EVERY FUCKING DAY (even when I’ve blacklisted the tags!!) but other blogs (like mine, for example lol) can only get like 1 of 10 posts to show up in the main THT tags. Anyway, that’s a personal tumblr gripe tbh.

I really wonder how much of my displeasure and boredom about Nick is because Max is subpar. There’s a certain level basically every other actor in this show is on, and then there’s him... way down below and it’s painfully obvious how out of his depth he is alongside them. I think, if it wasn’t for the talent of the main actors he works opposite (Elisabeth, Yvonne, and Joseph), it would be even more obvious. Also, I do not get the attractiveness thing. He’s not at all appealing to me personally and I can’t find him hot no matter how hard I squint. (Fuck, I think fucking Isaac was better looking! And we all know my terrible opinion about Fred, heh. There is an attractive man!) But then, how much of my inability to view him as hot is due to the fact his personality/character does fuck all for me?

Actor opinions aside, I understand the purpose of Nick. I truly do and I accept it. I can’t denigrate the role he plays in helping tell June’s story. But I still struggle to care anymore (I skip basically ALL Ni*k/June scenes tbh. YAWN.). I certainly got the point of him in S1. He was very important for multiple reasons. But I find him to be a character who seems to get away with being a shitheel and fans just drool no matter what. And god forbid anybody criticise him for anything he has ever done! They have a woobie excuse for every single thing and nothing is ever his fault and he’s “just following orders so he doesn’t die too”. (OH YEAH. Cos that isn’t a historically problematic defense at all...)

At least we admit Serena is a horrible person lol and don’t justify or write-off every single thing she does. Cos, well, Nick has freewill too and he makes many, many terrible choices for YEARS and is completely complicit in Gilead as well, but hey, he’s so hot therefore who cares as long as we get to see him with his shirt off. Him and June are so in loveeee uwu!!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

But again, that’s a fandom issue of mine, not even a character/show issue. I just feel on the show he’s sort of... past his prime in terms of usefulness. Like, sure, he’s gonna help June escape (AGAIN) and that’s all well and good but like... been there, done that. Even this concept that he’s important because he represents the “brightness and hope” in an otherwise bleak show because ~tru wuv~ just falls flat for me. I think there are plenty of opportunities for longterm slices of hope --- like, I dunno, #resistance, Mayday, the women breaking out of their bondage and getting revenge... like, the entire point of the show, lol. I want women’s happiness without the need for men to be involved in it as a necessity; I don’t want “Men are the reason for women’s true happiness” as a takeaway from THT. As an aside, sure. But not THE focus. Not to mention it leads to “dick is imperative for women to be truly happy” and I just don’t even wanna go there with how problematic that becomes when taken as a generality.

So, yeah. Nick. He’s fine. He’s not a morally good character. He’s grey. Just like almost everyone else in the main cast. But he lacks the complexity of actually morally obtuse characters. While Fred may be becoming more and more cartoonish and 1-dimensional, he still has more complexity than Nick. And, really, the more they flesh out the female characters--even the “evil” ones--the flatter and flatter both Nick and Fred look, especially in comparison.

Maybe this is intentional by the show? It is, after all, a show about women and living as a female in an ultra-male-dominated fascist society, not an in-depth character study of terrible men and their awful ideas/choices.

I am definitely thinking Nick is spared. Probably until the end of the series, tbh. He’s just too much of a fan favourite. Sigh. And this isn’t GoT when you can kill anybody no matter how popular lol. If any male in Gilead survives, it’ll be him. We know that after the Waterford’s house burns down, everybody is fine. (Rita, Nick, Serena, and Fred.) Whether Fred does ANYTHING to Nick afterwards is debatable cos they need him around to be all uwu with June, who clearly comes back into the Waterford’s circle somehow. I would wager not, even though that is absolutely ridic. The amount of plot armour Nick has is atrocious at this point. He actively insubordinate--leaning on downright criminal (in Gileadean terms), sinful, etc etc and Fred just goes, “Oopsie daisy! Oh well!” And it doesn’t even make sense. June, I get. He’s obsessed and possessive. Nick though? Fred really must be the dumbest fucking guy, unless he thinks Nick is an Eye and will squeal on all his (and Serena’s) terrible shit. I dunno. It’s so vague and blah. [And the fact he wouldn’t try to seriously/secretly disappear the dude who’s shtupping the Handmaid he wants so bad is lazy, inconsistent writing.]

(Question: Is Nick actually an Eye? Is that confirmed? From what I recall, he sort of implies he is but we never see him doing ANYTHING Eye-like, and Eyes have a shit tonne of power, do they not? He doesn’t seem to have any pull whatsoever with anybody. We see him working for Pryce, sorta. But again, that doesn’t scream “EYE!” to me. But that could just be because he’s such a weakling. And really other than his hints, the only other suggestion is Emily claiming there’s an Eye in the house--which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true.)

If Serena dies, it’d better be on the side of the good--or after she’s done good. I think it’s pretty impossible for her to fully atone or be redeemed, but hey redemption isn’t a line you cross, it’s a journey you take! I also think it’s 99.9999% certain she will not get a happy ending for the character. All that said, I doubt they’ll kill her off in S3 too. (Although it really does depend about her baby and her contract lol. Sometimes actors take time off to be there with their babies/toddlers. But also some don’t and considering her career is finally taking off, I feel it’d just be bad business to take a break.) I mean, I don’t want her to remain a bad guy, tbh. I’d rather her move from conflicted bad guy who does some good things here and there, to conflicted sorta-good guy who does some bad things here and there.

I think Serena’s the type of character that would be impossible to fully redeem. She’ll always be selfish, she’ll always be looking out for herself, she’ll always have some skewed, icky views on things, she’ll always have a lack of foresight, she’ll always need to be pushed to do difficult but good things (lazy? cowardly? I dunno), she’ll probably always waver when really pressured. She’ll probably always make some choices that are not good, or at least not nice. And things that makes us go “FUCK!” I’m just really tired of the flip-flopping and inconsistency of S2. (2x10... ahem.) Going back and forth on things is fine, but going up a cliff slowly, and slipping sometimes, but still incrementally moving forward---and then just jumping off the side of the damn cliff for no reason is just bad writing, imo. (And then somehow expecting the viewers to... just, accept that she’s back halfway up the hill where she was before she jumped in like a week... ugh). Just no more of that, please.

I’m with you on the 5 seasons max. I feel like 4 is possibly even pushing it. I guess my opinion may change (or not) depending on how well S3 is done.

#Anonymous

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sanguinesprout · 7 years ago

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Uhhhhh... *derp* (More stuff about indecision, some talk about doctors and some blog changes)

Lately has been well... kinda okay but mostly meh. I’ve been flip flopping between feeling somewhat content with myself and a little motivated and feeling absolutely empty inside and distraught. It’s been almost two weeks since my last post here (actually a reblog lol) and I’ve really been wanting to write a post but I’m still stuck in the habit of putting it off until I know for sure what I want to write or have the privacy to do so. Or maybe it’s just me being a big scaredy cat again :< I think from now on I’ll try to just write as if I’m writing in a diary, so more spontaneous and with less worrying about structure/keeping to just one topic or whether someone reads it or not, as I’m doing this for myself and my benefit most.

Although I was dawdling I did however sort out quite a lot of stuff to do with the blog and some good stuff irl (which I’ll get to later or in another post). One of the main things to mention is that I switched this blog from my primary one to a side one, which does make more sense and makes me feel a bit more at ease which should make it a bit easier to write and post without the restraint I was feeling before. Whether to keep them linked or not idk, I feel uneasy about it but I don’t think it should matter, I mean it is still me on both blogs and everything. I just wanted to separate the huge blocks of serious emotional text from the random cutesy and silly stuff I also wanted to post, but I think I might still post mental health related things to my main one, just in the form of images and not essays like these lol.

Also I changed the urls from the hyphenated and maybe overly fancy termed things they were previously to more simple and cute ones. I still feel a lil iffy about them (like this blog url feels a bit ‘cold’ but looks pretty and flows well while my main one sounds more ‘warm’ but the world cuddly doesn’t flow well or look as nice lol) but whatever I’ll grow to like them or just change them again whenever, I spent way too much time agonising over them, it’s time to move on! I fixed up the about pages on both of them too, the links and tags pages are still empty for now, but I’m content enough with the way they are now to actually begin posting properly soon I hope. Oh and the current avatar/sidebar image is a really crappy drawing I made 2-3 years ago with a mouse when I was feeling down and was going to make and name this blog ‘rainysnail’ lol. I still might use that name/url someday for something though ^^

I searched for ‘extreme indecisiveness’ in google the other day because I was that frustrated with myself about well, being indecisive (and it was over the same lame url/blog stuff as before, not surprise surprise). I know there’s a lot of stigma around consulting ‘Dr.Google’ and self diagnosis being looked down on as it could prove to be more harmful in some cases and I won’t lie, I do get kinda hypochondriac-ish sometimes, but sometimes it can be very educational and helpful too. I just wanted to know if I was feeling something... something valid(?) or if I was just being an idiot.

I came across ‘Aboulomania’ on my indecisiveness search and wow, it sounds pretty similar to AVPD and my current feelings but the way it’s written is kinda heavier? (and hella typo-ey/engrish-y lol I just chose that one because it seemed to have the most info from the few I clicked on). Idk... it doesn’t seem to be as much of a known/legit thing so there doesn’t seem to be that many sources on it or at least any reputable ones (though I didn't look particularly hard or for a long time though but once you’re past page 2 on google everything is bleh anyways lol). Also on its definition here lol it talks about ‘analysis paralysis’ and that’s something I kinda knew of and struggle with already. I feel some resonance with this finding and feel a little more assured and saddened at the same time, but I’m not about to run around screaming I have this thing or anything. Maybe I’ll look into it more another time but right now I kinda don’t have the energy to .__.

Indecision is something that appears and could be caused by all sorts of disorders, even just depression alone or a whole mix of other things and factors. Many disorders overlap (like the stuff in cluster c which I feel are most relevant to me) and trying to pinpoint exact reasons and causes for things to do with mental health is near impossible, so I don’t wanna dwell on it. I have therapy soon so having a professional help work out things is a much better idea (unless they also consult Dr.Google like some of the stories I’ve read online lol).

I did see some snippets of advice on indecision on another page and it was basically to let go of the feeling to try and always be perfect/choose the definitive ‘right’ decision and to just trust your gut feelings instead of leaving yourself to stress over it. Yeah, it’s nothing new really and I have been trying to do this but sometimes it’s just so difficult with all these automatic negative feelings weighing my rationality down and sometimes I forget because it’s so hard wired into me to get anxious and over analytical. *Sigh* ...but if I keep reminding myself I think it will stick more in the end. I have already adopted the ‘it doesn’t hurt to try’, ‘just do it, ‘yolo’, ‘no1curr’ etc. kind of mindset/mantra when I get hesitant before doing something that I usually avoid lol, sometimes it fails but the times when I have been brave and not overthought or avoided I’ve felt kinda proud of myself and there were some positive-ish outcomes too. So I just need to continue and allow myself to grow stronger in mind and spirit (and hopefully body too).

In relation to what I said before about the whole ‘Dr.Google’ thing, I thought maybe take the time now to write about my experiences with doctors in general. Many times in the past and even now when I would be explaining my problem (whether physical or mental) to a doctor, they would just shake their head and scoff to them self or even outright laugh smugly and then dismiss it straight away (especially if I mentioned I read something on the internet). The feeling of being fobbed off and even ridiculed by someone that’s supposed to be helping didn’t fare well on my confidence at all and I feel it is a reason I wasn’t proactive in sorting out a lot of the problems I’m still dealing with and obviously I am regretful, maddened and saddened as many of them could have been avoided or alleviated better if they were dealt with sooner.

I’m not saying all doctors are like this, I think it was those particular doctors that were the problem and thank goodness I don’t have to choose to see them anymore (I hope). My current doctor (who I actually came across due to those mean doctors being unavailable one time) is worlds apart in the way he handles things. He is so kind and accommodating to start with, listens well to any concerns, addresses them with great care and reassurance and is very adept at scheduling appointments for further investigations. I feel he really goes above and beyond and has both a friendly and personal but professional demeanour. I mean he isn’t 100% godly perfect as there were times I felt a bit iffy with some of the explanations and prescriptions and sometimes things were delayed, but he does try hard to help and is not against reading information from the internet and in fact encourages it and utilises it himself (eg. printing a informational page on a certain health thing from a reliable health website).

When I presented some info and concerns relating to a health problem I was having investigated already but felt was going in the wrong direction (ie. going down the typical ‘fob you off with the most common explanation so you go away’ route) he explained that it’s the typical process to go for the most common things first when investigating and agreed another route of investigation would be beneficial, more relevant and time efficient so he arranged that too. This doctor is such an awesome and good natured person and I’m so grateful, but he may only be temporary at the place I go to however and it makes me sad to think I might end up with the mean kind again someday. But the lesson is to not settle on doctors that are not helpful or any other type of awful and that there are good people out there. Something that was really very prominent and touching about going to this doctor is that my mother and sister who go with me sometimes were also stunned by how nice and helpful he’s been.

I distinctly remember one of the first times I went to see him with my mum and at that point I had been ill for so long already and she was obviously very worried about me. At the end of the appointment he announced what he would recommend me for investigation and assured that he’d help me get better soon with a smile and then he pointed to my mum next to me who I wasn’t facing at the time and I can’t remember exactly what he said but it was something about my mum crying. When I turned to look, she was indeed crying and I couldn’t stop my own eyes from watering either. I have never ever EVER seen my mum cry before, so it shocked me a lot and made me emotional too. I mean my sister told me she did cry one time recently, but that was when she was so stressed and upset over a family matter on her side of the family :c It’s not like this is something on my bucket list or anything, because I would rather her never be upset or cry for a bad reason, but this showed how much she cares and worries for me and in this case she was crying because she was happy, relieved that she would possibly not have to see me suffer as much and was moved to tears.

Unfortunately the problems have still not been resolved or fully recognised yet, and recently one of the doctors recommended to help investigate fobbed me off and it feels bleh lol... no not lol... very un-lol :< But at least the investigation is still going further in some way I guess and I’ll take his words with a grain of salt, I’ve yet to see my regular doctor to discuss what happens next. I think I’ve just backed down and passively taken whatever explanations too much in the past with negative results or progress and Idk I have a hard time accepting things some doctors say nowadays, a lot of it seems contradictory, sometimes illogical or outdated, robotic, insincere etc.

When I’m reading what I’ve just written it keeps making me worried I’m a ass or have trust issues or something... :< I know doctors are meant to be serious and professional, but I can’t shake the feeling that some of them are not nice/unwilling to help as much as they could. I have had so many past experiences to do with being treated differently and being prejudiced against and it still happens today and not just to me but all of my family members, it’s tough and really upsetting... :c

It is true though, that you really have to push and persist if you want something done about a problem, and many times people are let go and misdiagnosed with stuff that ends up being something different or a lot more serious. I’m not saying whatever I have is ultra serious and I wouldn’t know anyways. I am clearly not dying, and I hope I’m not, but when I was without medication at the beginning I felt so bad and I was so scared of dying (even though usually idgaf thanks to depression etc.) I’m scared of being in pain and having to suffer both physically and mentally forever. I want to get better, become a stronger person. do the things that matter and well, in a nutshell live my life to the fullest.

Anyways, about the app with the normal doctor... I avoided phoning on a day I could’ve gotten a sooner appointment (my sister encouraged me to, but she was away that day and my mum said it was an inconvenient day to go, but it actually wasn’t really... I should I have pushed myself to go forward even so...) the appointment I do have is 2 weeks away from what it could’ve been. But I guess maybe someone else might have taken that appointment that needed it more urgently, or there might not have been any available that day anyways w/e. Avoidance playing up again... be more brave silly self!

I was planning to write some more happier stuff that’s been going but this post is already quite long so a separate post it is~ and I won’t keep putting it off! Tbh I’m only comfortable pulling up my blog and writing my feels whenever I am alone, so when my family are all at work, but this only occurs on random days and for such a short span of time. Or at least when I know they are all busy downstairs, I can try but I feel like I have to be extra alert and switch it away when they do come. I... ugh idk :c I don’t want to be secretive or feel guilty but I can’t help it, it’s just so hard and frustrating. I can’t even write what illnesses I was talking about earlier on (though I do hope to dedicate whole posts to writing about them later). I will improve and forgo this paranoid feeling someday though! Believe it! *cringe*

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