#indecisiveness

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi can we request some advice and support for closeted systems at school trying to choose a career path?

please consider:

- practically no adults know about our plurality and for safety reasons it should stay this way. getting proper acommodations at school is impossible since we're selves-diagnosed and closeted.

- we are median, monoconscious and traumagenic (OSDD-1a) with parts that tend to come and go. that last part means making big life decisions without some form of regret hard

- the most common standpoints we have are "i don't want to work" (reasoning depends on the part), "space + the humanities somehow", "famous YouTuber or author".

- we have a factive who has an interest in his source's career, but feels like being a factive is cheating (this is linked to allegations that his source takes credit for others' work.) also the industry is highly toxic

- the whole "consider your interests/values/ikigai" feels very singlet-centric to us sadly

sorry if this sounds blunt; i am trying to get a lot of info across. i hope others in the same situation can find help and comfor here as we have

Hi! We went through a very similar problem when we were in school, and we’re sure there are lots of systems out there who are going through something similar! Choosing a career can be incredibly daunting, especially when you have multiple headmates who each want something different for your lives. We want to try and address each of your considerations specifically:

- You can express your worries about choosing the right career to an adult in your life without ever mentioning your plurality or your disorder! Even singlets can be indecisive, nervous, wishy washy, or uncertain when it comes to choosing a career, and you could absolutely come to a teacher, career planner, or guidance counselor with these concerns without ever mentioning your own multiplicity.

- We get this! But learning to live with the choices made by your system is an important lesson! We can’t change the past, so trying to take a deep breath, accept what you can’t change, and make adjustments for the things you can may help dealing with regret a bit easier.

- It’s really unfortunate that most people do in fact have to work for the majority of their lives in order to support themselves! If you’re interested in something that combines outer space and humanities, maybe look into scientific journalism, space journalism, or maybe even double majoring in physics/astronomy and literature/art in order to create some opportunities for your collective to combine these interests for a career down the line!

As far as YouTuber goes, it’s never too early to start drafting potential video essays and start planning out what life as a YouTuber may realistically look like for y’all. And as for being an author, you can start looking into what realistically goes into publishing a piece, working with editors, publishing companies, deadlines, and marketing teams, and what comes with being an author outside of just writing.

- It is not cheating at all for an introject to take inspiration or passion from their source in their system’s real life!! If the career choice this factive is interested in is something that seems appealing to the rest of your system, it is absolutely okay to seriously consider and look into it.

- We understand what you mean with “consider your interests” being singlet-centric, so we’d like to pitch you a different question to ask yourselves: Is there a job which your system members could each see themselves doing? What’s something that you don’t necessarily love, but that you certainly don’t hate? You don’t have to love your job - in fact, most people probably don’t. But finding a job that you A. Can each do comfortably, and B. Don’t hate, can make life easier for your whole collective!

Some other things we feel are worth mentioning:

- If you’re in high school, it is OKAY to take a few years of a break between high school and college while you all figure out a bit more about yourselves and what sort of education you’ll need to get a career you could really excel in. In the meantime, working an entry level job in food service or retail is fine! Our system was pressured into attending college right after high school, and that’s left us with a degree that we’ll never really use because we didn’t know what we wanted to do with our life at that point.

- Any job you can do that supports your system is good enough. It’s okay to not have any sort of big career aspirations! It’s okay to just work a job at the end of the day. Besides, chances are, you may not keep your very first job for the rest of your lives!

- Your career does NOT have to be your whole life/lives! It’s okay for your job to not mean all that much to you or make up a key part of your collective identity. You can fill your lives outside of work with things that really do mean a lot to you! You don’t have to live to work - it’s okay to work to live!

We hope this helps! For context, we are 28 years old and have been in the work force for 13 years now. Currently we are a line cook at a Jewish deli. Our dream career is being a librarian. We may never be able to realistically achieve that, so we’ve filled our lives with activities and interests outside of work to help take care of our own mental and emotional well-beings. And we work a job that we don’t hate, that we can physically accomplish, and that pays enough for us to live more or less comfortably.

Sorry this got so long, but this is a huge topic that we have a lot of thoughts on! Ultimately what’s helped us may not help y’all… but we hope that something here will at least be a little bit useful! We’re wishing you all the very best, no matter what your futures hold! 💕

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello ! I have a couple issues I wish to improve and want your advice:

Firstly I have this out of sync behaviour. Especially with my mom where I become immature like a teenage brat and say things which I dont necessarily feel are aligned with how I truely feel, like "that person did me wrong blabla they are this and that " although I dont feel the grudges . Its almost as if I am possesed. Could it be that its because I didnt get enough mirroring for her growing up and we were not talking when I was in my preteen? Is this a Fe issue?

Another issue I have is my indecessiveness in life, no matter how brave I try to be I get stuck in dilemmas and they suck my soul out. There would have been less consequences in choosing than all the rabit holes I have to go down to. I feel like all my ambitions have come to dust with my adhd and other issues that are a blockage and I am just feeling lost and say and do stupid things so I can ignore my failures.

Ps. Could you please tag this INFJblackpearl so I can come back and see your answer.Thank you :)

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(1) I have already written in detail about the complexities of parent-child relationships, so I suggest you search through the site index and relevant tags for previous articles.

(2) There are many possible factors that can contribute to indecisiveness. You must have some understanding of what's causing a problem before you can find the right solution, and it doesn't sound like you have much insight into it, so deeper reflection is required. This means all I can do is merely speculate about what the underlying factors might be based on what is generally common for the personality type.

For INFJs, one common factor is an irrational fear of failure that often goes along with unhealthy perfectionism. This might manifest as having unrealistic expectations (Ni) and/or holding oneself to unreasonable standards that stem from social pressures (Fe). Thus, the remedy would be to nurture a more realistic and/or a more compassionate and forgiving mindset.

Another common factor is being out of touch with one's own needs, preferences, and values. It's hard to make firm decisions when you don't know what you need, don't know what you want, don't know what you like, and/or don't know what you value most. Denigration or denial of oneself is a common sign of unhealthy Fe. The remedy would be to improve your self-esteem and self-worth and take steps to know and honor yourself better.

Another common factor is lack of critical thinking skills. Good critical thinking includes being able to explore, analyze, and evaluate your options in a more thorough, systematic, and objective manner. Feeling inundated with or being too easily swayed by too much information and not knowing how to draw sound conclusions is a symptom of having poorly developed judging functions. There are lots of online and book resources for improving critical thinking.

[monsteracademy]

sona

[itsbarbiebiiittchhhhh]

why is making a christmas list so impossible for me, I don’t want anything but I want something

[sag-dab-sar-follows]

Oh gods the choice between watching an may day episode or a violin-youtube video with dinner is a problem.... Decision-Anxiety™

(I play no instruments and have no desire to play an instrument i dont know why im binging violin-tube I just kind of accept my brain chose it for me)

[generalwildcat]

Trying to figure out if trying to write HSM again even in small quantities is something i should seriously do.

As far as the OGs go, i've primarily focused on writing Chaylor.

The current NextGen Wildcats i'd imagine writing come with absolutely no plot in mind. Just names, relations, and personality traits. In the case of both OG and NextGen, i wouldn't turn down any writing prompts.

I'm not including HSMTMTS in the poll primarily because that would be completely new territory for me and i don't feel confident doing any of the characters justice.

So in the spirit of indecisiveness, opinions, and most of all, writer's block:

[int3rst3ll3r]

I need you alls help….

-------------------------------------------------------

I have many WIPs that I need to finish and post. So, to get me going on at least one… I’m going to let you all choose one by the name of its title.

[somerandomg33k]

I hate my indecisiveness sometimes. Do I work long hours today? Do I leave to stream? Do I flip a coin or roll a dice to decide?

But I did decide to leave work early, make up those hours later in the week. And I will stream tonight. To honor my mother by Rimming the Skies. 😁

[seelestia]

should i. should i pull for lyney??

[patrickelvinart]

Orange skies - Arthur Lee and Love

4B pencil on paper

Calbalog City 2024

Sometimes, there is a moment when the drawing comes alive..

Like magic. Like life itself. Fragile magic.

Sometimes just one more line and the drawing dies.

[fresh-bed-old-sheets]

Hnnnnnnng what do you mean i have to CHOOSE between two AMAZING things? Why can't i just do everything all at once?

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: I am an ENFP, 27y old. I have difficulty making decisions, especially related to relationships. Whenever I have to make decisions regarding a relationship/ friendship I tend to seek external validation. I am afraid of making the wrong decision and I always tend to seek someone to affirm my decision, by asking a friend or posting in an online forum etc.

For eg, when I feel the need to cut off a long term friend whose values don't align with mine and tends to cause me distress, or a stranger who wants to have daily contact with me, while I am uncomfortable regarding it. Or when I am not sure whether I want to continue to pursue the man I like.

How do I learn to stop seeking validation this way? Is this type related in some way?

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It's not a crime to second-guess yourself. In fact, self-doubt is healthy when used appropriately as an antidote to arrogance. It's important to make well-informed judgments, especially when it comes to moral decisions that have the potential to cause hurt/harm. You have to look at the issue from every side and understand it objectively. You have to choose the best possible path that minimizes pain and suffering. Is it not good to proceed thoughtfully and wisely?

While deliberation is good, at some point, you have to make a choice and commit to it. Many people are indecisive because they have poor critical reasoning skills. Maybe it's something you need to learn. If you don't have a good system/process for analyzing information and drawing sound conclusions, it's easy to get lost thinking in circles.

If this issue is related to type, it's most likely due to Fi being too weak to help and support Ne. Experiencing troubles with respect to: accepting yourself, believing in yourself, advocating for your own needs and wants, standing up for what is right, standing strong in the face of opposition, etc, indicate a lack of confidence in your own judgment and ought to be remedied through Fi development. Consult the Type Dev Guide.

[iamterribleatusernames]

Do any other writers out there not know where to start when they have created full lives for their characters? I make a starting place, write a little, figure out my characters, and then second-guess where I’m supposed to start. Like do I want to give flashbacks for the needed information or do I start nearer to childhood. Do I start right before the one scene I’ve been dreaming about writing, or do I lead up to it? Do I start where they meet as kids, and then skip to where they’re older? Do I make a prologue. As an indecisive person writing is hard because of all the choices I have to make. (Who to traumatize, who to baby, ect.,).

it’s like I’m making a complicated movie for my characters. and I have to choose a good opening shot but the problem is that there are too many options.

[casandraspoems]

Uncertain (Poem)

I speak in uncertainties

Never wanting to offend, mislead, or be wrong

If my truth is not The Truth, is it a lie?

So a well placed “I think” “maybe” “I could be wrong”

Is vital to everyday speech

Questions are best answered with an inflection

Up a pitch and slightly drawn out

I may know an answered but I can’t be sure it’s The Answer

I live uncertainly

Even actions can be incorrect

So hesitancy is used amply

Repetition does not eradicate mistakes

It’s best to check tasks 3 times and once more just in case

[tempesttrade]

Have You Lost Your Way?

Something has taken you off your throne - what is it?

Has someone or something wronged you? Are you refusing to grow? Have you stopped nurturing and loving yourself?

The discomfort you're feeling is the end of the current chapter of your life; and life is asking you to evolve and be ready for the next chapter.

Are you ready?

If you are ready, seat yourself back on your throne. Shoulders back, head held high.

If you are not ready yet, you will find the discomfort unsettling as it lingers for a while. The discomfort is meant to propel you forward, if you can look at as an ally instead of a hindrance.

Cards: - The Empress (reversed): Neglect, indecisiveness, disconnection, resistance - Morgan Lefay (reversed): Growth, deceit, atonement

Songs: • "QUEER" - BROCKHAMPTON • "M" - Cold Kingdom • "Circles" - Pierce The Veil • "V" - FreQuency

Follow for more Healing & Intuitive Insights and Services! DM for Private Sessions or Book Sessions Here ♦ FB ♦ IG ♦ X ♦ TT ♦ YT ♦

[fracturedporcelaindoll]

Dear diary,

I'll overthinking a variety of stuff, sometimes it's more philosophical like purpose in life, humanity on a whole, concepts of world peace, death etc.

Other times it's more trivial and materialistic, like what outfit to wear. Regardless, it's like a washing machine on spin cycle cause just keep thinking over it without it getting a conclusive answer and stopping.

So yes random person, I could stop wasting my time and energy cause there are more important things in life, like threat of nuclear war/world wars, sun going supernova, solving global economic crisis, finding cures for incurable diseases etc.,~

But if it were that simple, I'd have done it already don't you get it? The overthinking aspect means I can't just shut my brain off like a switch, I wish at times I could be simple minded enough not to think of life or ponder over trival choices with all the potential possibilities arising from a choice but that isn't me ~

So you may think I am foolish, and what causes me stress from indecisiveness but it is what it is ~