#but anyway yeah I’ve seen too much of this sentiment to stay silent any longer

[bitchslapblastoids]

those of you romanticizing snoring have clearly never had the urge to literally commit homocide in the night against the one you love the most and it shows

[anjuschiffer]

Amira Wayne - Chapter 10

Two days late but here we are! Day 10 of @biodad-bruce-month event!

Chapter 10: Consolation + Salt

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P.Tag: @theatreandcomicfreak @damianette-is-life @toodaloo-kangaroo @elijahcrevan

Tag: @vixen-uchiha @we-want-mini-mini @ramos123 @bluesimani @redscarlet95 @greatcatblaze @promiswords @fantasiame @corabeth11 @anonymously-odd @alexandriamw

-

MASTERLIST | FIRST | PREV | AO3

“Meine lieblingsschwester!” Dick yelled, scooping Amira into a hug, causing her to panic.

Why did she agree to let him pick her up at the airport?

The flight towards the States wasn’t bad and if anything, was thankful that it was silent. It was something she needed after accidentally yelling at Tikki like that. She knew she should’ve run the decision by Tikki, but Amira knew the outcome if she did that. 

“I’m your only sister.” Amira said, smiling as she returned a hug.

“It’s just that it’s been so long! Look at you! You’ve grown bigger than the last time I’ve- when did you cut your hair? Why didn’t you tell me?! And please don’t tell me you did it yourself. There’s salons for that reason!”

Amira allowed herself to be examined, feeling herself relax. “Really gonna miss being able to braid your hair.” Amira smiled, quickly throwing herself at Dick.

“I’ve missed you, you blöde.” 

-

Dick dropped Amira’s suitcase with a thud, closing the door behind him as Amira slumped into a nearby sofa. 

“So this is your place.” Amira said, looking around the apartment, quickly getting up when she saw Dick had a balcony. 

She hurried over and gently pushed the door open, adoring the view.

“Looks just like Gotham, doesn’t it?” Dick looked out towards the streets, watching as cars drove by. 

“Yeah, just without the gargoyles.” Amira said with a sigh, looking at the dark streets and cloudy sky. 

Amira pulled her sweater to her body, getting chills from the evening breeze. 

“I know we talked about this as we were in the car, but...are you sure about staying here? If it’s about not having a costume for the party, I could always just stay behind and-”

“Like I told you earlier, I’ll be fine. Plus, there’s a few things I want to do before settling for the night. Sure, I’m not going to be for long, but that’s the whole reason I want to stay behind.” Amira cut off, leaning into the sounds that she so dearly missed. 

Paris could never beat the atmosphere that Bludhaven and Gotham had. “So go on ahead and tell the guys I said hi. I’ll be fine.”

As much as she wanted to join Dick and hangout with Wally, Vic and Garth, Amira needed to hold herself back. 

Dick’s mouth turned into a thin line, tapping his finger against his arm, looking at Amira for any doubt. He finally decided to let out a sigh and run a hand through his hair.

“I know you Amira. And I know that if I try and force you to come with me, I know you’re going to find a way to sneak out.” Dick pulled out a bracelet, a tiny ladybug hanging from it. 

Amira took it and slipped it on, hearing the faintest click go off. A tracker, huh. “It’s a tracker. And no, I’m not going to check on it unless you press it.”

“Press it?” 

“When you press on the ladybug’s head, it will send me a notification that you’re in trouble.” Dick pulled Amira into a hug, squeezing her. “Please. Be careful on your-”

“I will.” Amira swore, pulling away from her brother. “I will be alright, don’t worry.”

-

Tikki wanted to scream for Amira to slow down, but swallowed back her screams after remembering what happened last night. 

She didn’t feel like she was in the right to scold the girl, nonetheless tell her what to do when they were no longer in Paris. 

Not only that, but seeing Amira smiling at every step she walked also added to the pressure to hold back. 

She’s never seen Ma-Amira so content and that wasn’t something Tikki was going to take away from her. 

So Tikki remained silent when she watched Amira take a pair of keys and leave the apartment via the window. Tikki kept quiet as Amira stole a bike and started it, using it to head towards Gotham. 

There were a plethora of things that Amira was doing illegally -Amira’s speeding and driving with no license being two of them- but Tikki couldn’t bring herself to say anything, not even as they broke into a cemetery. 

Tikki watched as Amira took out a small bouquet of flowers she had bought and stuffed into her jacket before arriving at the graveyard. 

Some of the petals were squished or missing, but the sentiment was still there. 

Tikki watched as Amira placed the flowers down into an abandoned vase, wondering when was the last time someone brought this person flowers. 

Tikki settled into Amira’s shoulder as Amira carefully stooped down, dusting off the debris that was starting to accumulate on the tombstone. 

Tikki felt her heart stop upon reading the name on the tomb.

“Hey Jason. It’s me, Amira. Sorry it took so long to visit, but I’m finally back. I’m home.”

-

Tim wasn’t expecting anything when he went patrolling that night with Barbara. 

The two agreed to patrol without Bruce, Bruce having gone to a Halloween masquerade ball while Tim and Babs scouted for the night in his stead. 

If anything were to happen anyways, Bruce would know about it and be at the scene asap.

As the duo swung across Gotham’s streets, Tim noticed someone inside the cemetery, kneeling in front of an ever so familiar grave. 

“Hey Babs. Isn’t the cemetery always closed during Halloween?” Tim asked, recalling the amount of times some of his classmates would dare one another to enter it on Halloween night. Most didn’t end up entering as they used the ‘cemetery was close’ as an excuse.

“Should be.” Babs ended up saying, turning over towards Tim who was perched on the corner of the building behind her. “Why do you-“ Babs followed Tim’s line of sight, finally noticing the reason behind his question. “She shouldn’t be there. Come on. Let’s try to get her out of there.”

Tim stumbled as he got up, but managed to follow Babs to go and greet the girl and possibly take her home. 

As the two approached the girl, they couldn’t help but bring their guard up, feeling oddly familiar with her aura. 

“-believe that? Of course you would. You were the only one-“ the girl turned around, causing Tim and Babs to stop, watching as the girl’s eyes widened before narrowing dangerously. 

She shouldn’t have been able to sense them. Just who was she?

“Sorry! We didn’t mean to scare you. We just wanted to escort you out of the cemetery-“

“Well, if it isn’t Replacement Number 1 and Replacement Number 2.” The girl spoke out, Tim catching the venom that dropped at the end of her words. 

“I’m sorry, do-“

“To think Bruce willingly took the two of you in and then let you replace the previous Robin.” The girl spoke, glaring at Tim. “Just goes to show how little he thinks of those around him.”

“How-“

“-do I know you replaced the previous Robin? It’s quite easy. I was there.” The girl spoke, walking up to Tim. “I was there the night he was brought back home. I was there the night Jason Peter Todd came home, dead and covered in blood.” She grabbed hold of Tim and brought him up to her face. “You will never be what he was. You will never be able to bring the mantle justice...Replacement.” Tim watched as the girl ripped the mask off of him, watching as her eyes widened.

“Drake?”

-

He told her not to do anything stupid, to not get herself into trouble and yet that’s exactly what she did.

Only an hour into the party and he got a notification about Amira having got into a fight. 

Excusing himself from the party, Dick quickly got onto his bike, heading over to Gotham Cemetery, hoping Amira was alright.

When he got there, he didn’t expect to see Amira fighting both Robin and Batgirl, fighting the two of them without too much of a struggle. He watched as she expertly handled her rope dart, watching her elegantly spin and whip her rope out, striking Batgirl multiple times with knee shots, keeping her at bay. 

Robin tried to get close, but she wouldn’t allow him to by spinning her rope close to her and when he dared to approach, she would take a few steps back before jumping over him and slamming the end of the rope against his back, causing him to fall to the ground and get kicked in ribs and stomach until Amira decided to slam the other end of her rope against the small boys back. 

That’s how Dick found out that both ends of the rope had weights, allowing Amira to send out easier consecutive hits to her opponent.

However, her streak was broken thanks to Batgirl knocking the rope out of her hands, the vigilante smirking when she thought she disarmed the girl.

Focusing her attention on Batgirl, Amira charged at her, pretending to do a roundhouse kick when she whipped out an escrima stick and connected the tip to the side of her head, causing blood to seep from the contact and for Batgirl to stagger towards the floor.

Dick’s heart came to a halt. 

Was this really Amira?

Dick climbed over the fence, dashing over to the fallen Batgirl and heavily injured Robin, when the person he least wanted to see made himself known.

Gliding down, Batman appeared.

But that didn’t signal Amira to stop. Instead, it fueled her to continue to attack.

Taking out another escrima stick, she connected the two, now arming herself with a bo staff.

“What are you doing here?” Bruce asked, but only got an answer in the form of a hit to the side, Bruce quickly grabbing the bo staff and pulling Amira towards him, only for her to snap the bo staff in half and attempt to hit Bruce on the head.

But he was quicker.

Grabbing hold of the escrima stick, he pulled it diagonally down, allowing him to grab hold of Amira. 

She hissed as she squirmed under his hold, hating that the Kevlar he created was a bit hard to slip out of. 

“Let go of her Bruce.” Dick demanded, glaring at their supposed father. 

“Dick.” 

Batgirl finally got into her two feet stumbling a bit as she got up. She held her hand against her head as she watched and listened to Bruce and a Dick argue, noticing the odd resemblance between the assailant and Bruce. 

Wait...she recognized that face. How did she not recognize the little girl sooner? 

“Marinette?” Amira glared at Batgirl, wondering how she knew her other name. “You're Marinette, aren’t you? It’s me.” Amira felt her heart stop as she watched Batgirl become Babs. “It’s me, Barbara. Where have you-?”

Amira didn’t know how she slipped out of Bruce’s hold, nor how she left the cemetery. All she knew is that she managed to get back on the bike she stole and headed towards nowhere.

-

She still didn’t know how she ended up in her old room.

“Is...is this-”

“Yeah.” Amira answered Tikki, looking at a room she didn’t recognize anymore. It felt empty and void of familiarity. Despite the furniture still there, without the books and clothing that were in Paris, the room didn’t feel like hers anymore. It just felt like any other room in the manor. “To think I lived here for 13 years.” 

That’s when Amira heard the door cream open, Amira quickly ducking behind the bed, crouching to make sure no one saw her. 

She listened as the floorboards creaked, Amira slowing down her breathing as the person walked around her room, reaching the opposite side of the bed.

Just when she thought the person was going to leave the room, the figure appeared before her, grabbing her by her collar and lifting her up with ease.

“Miss Amira?” Alfred asked in disbelief, Amira seeing her vision blur as she was placed back down, her feet feeling the floor. “Is that really you?” He asked as he cupped her face in his hands. His hands were warm and smelled of quiche. 

“Grandpere… Grandpere Alf!” Amira wailed, throwing herself at her grandfather and proceeding to cry. Alfred held his granddaughter tight, letting her know that he was going to be there no matter what. “I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, mon poussin.”

-

“Do you think you’ll go back there later tonight?” Alfred asked Amira, Amira looking at the mug in her hands.

The chamomile tickled her nose, the aroma reminding her of the days she would sit with Alfred and Jason and talk about bread.

“I don’t think so. If it means running back into Replacement and Batgirl, I don’t want to go back, even if Jason would hate me for that.”

“Replacement?” Alfred asked, lifting a brow.

“Timothy Jackson Drake.” Amira seethed, gripping the mug tighter. “The one who replaced Jason’s spot by Bruce’s side.” At that, Alfred was taken aback.

“Bruce, as in your father?”

“What other ass-”

“Amira Martha Wayne.” Alfred sternly spoke, promptly shutting Amira. 

She forgot that Alfred hated it whenever any of them cursed, even scolded her father when he did. 

Amira pursed her lips, deciding to take a sip of her tea. It was cold.

“How could Father do that to Jason? He knew what Robin meant to Jason...and yet! He went ahead and replaced him with the neighbor! A kid who’s two years younger than me! And then Batgirl! Did he need to replace me too?” Amira yelled, watching as a tear slipped onto her hand. 

“Amira.” Alfred softly said. 

“Grandpere...I’m just tired of having to prove myself. I’m tired of having to scream and cry until he does something about it. I’m...I’m done...I’m...I’m just a burden to him, aren’t I?” Alfred’s heart clenched when Amira looked at him with shrouded eyes, noticing how worn out they were, how dull they’ve become since the last time he saw her smile. “I mean, it would explain the way he’s been treating me. 

First off, I look nothing like him. I have green eyes and an olive complexion. The only thing I have from him is his midnight hair. 

Then there’s the fact that I can’t even use my last name anywhere. My schools and classmates know me as Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the daughter of a pair of bakers. Dupain-Cheng is the name I use when it should be Wayne. Wayne! A name that was supposedly my birthright and yet was never truly given to me…” Amira trailed off, wiping away some tears.

“As if stripping me of my identity wasn’t enough to get rid of me, he decides to get rid of me by sending me across the Atlantic, towards Paris, where two months later I find out he’s taken Barbara under his wing.

Did you know I used to look up to her? Did you know she was my only friend after what happened with Jason? He even took that away from me…”

“Mon poussin,” Alfred coaxed, wiping away a stray tear that slid down her face. “You know that isn’t true. Master-no. Your father never saw you as a burden, ever. If anything, you were a blessing that anchored him. A ray of hope within this chaotic city.”

“Then why. Why-”

“Because he didn’t want you to go through what he went through when he was younger.”

“What are you talking about?” Amira asked, wondering what exactly her grandfather was talking about.

As far as she knew, nothing major really happened to her father, except for that one time she got so sick she ended up in the hospital. But that was about it. 

“I believe you were about five years old when it happened. Your father barely managed to get through a stab wound that almost cost him his life.

He feared he was about to leave behind you, his only child...just like he was left behind after your grandparents were killed when he was a young lad himself.”

-

She couldn’t sleep after hearing Alfred retell the incident from long ago, a memory Amira couldn’t remember despite being five at the time.

Since she couldn’t sleep, she decided to do another one of her lists of things to do while in Gotham: research.

Sitting at the large computer, Amira realized how much she missed the giddiness that would course through her by simply sitting at a place with endless information waiting to be used.

She ran her fingers over the cold keyboard, looking up at the screen that held its breath and awaited for her command. 

“Amira. Where exactly are we?” Tikki asked, watching as Amira logged into the computer and began pulling file after file, typing in different things into different bases of data.

“The Batcave. My father’s base of operation as Gotham’s vigilante: Batman.” Amira provided, skimming through different bases, clicking on different files before closing some and downloading others. “Currently, I’m looking for-”

The sound of someone walking into the Cave caused Amira to zip and for Tikki to hide. Even though her father knew of the miraculous, he had yet to know about Tikki. “What are you doing here, Replacement?” Amira asked when she turned to see who had entered.

Thankfully it wasn’t her father. 

There, by the stairs stood Tim, his head wrapped in bandages and his cheek sporting a bruise.

“I...I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“That wasn’t the answer to my question. What are you doing here?” 

“Came by to check a few files on-”

“Leave. I’m busy using it right now. Come back when I’m done.” Amira commanded, turning back to what she was doing, hearing Tim approach her instead of leaving. “I told you to leave.”

“Perhaps I can-”

“Leave.” Amira gritted, saying it louder this time. “I don’t need the help of a kid who thinks he can just force his way into this lifestyle and think he’s up to it. Sure, you might have the capacity to absorb everything thrown your way, but you lack the experience.”

“But I’m-” 

“You just started training with my father, but I’ve trained under him for years. If that doesn’t mean anything to you, our fight from earlier should’ve proven it. You’re unfit for the vigilante fight.”

“But Jason was able to-”

“Jason learned his skills from the street, skills he needed to survive. You, on the other hand, didn’t have to learn how to dismantle a car or use all means necessary to keep living. Under our father, Jason was able to sharpen the skills he already knew. But what about you?”

Tim frowned, looking at his curled fists. “Bet he had to start from square one, teaching you the basics, the stances and making you memorize-”

“I helped him solve cases that had him stumped, retrieve data-”

“Robin isn’t just support in the tech and detective department. He’s also support in the field, during fights. Robin has to be well rounded and excel in combat, something you just showed me to lack.” Tim watched as Amira unplugged a USB, glaring at Tim as she stood in front of him.

“You’ll never be worthy to be called Jason’s successor. No matter how hard you try, I’ll only ever see you as a replacement.”

Tim stood there, biting his tongue as he heard Amira leave the Cave.

As Amira walked out the Cave, she found Dick waiting there for her, watching him let out a sigh of relief. She watched as he pulled her into a hug. 

“Thank god you’re alright.”

“I’m sorry for causing you trouble.”

“Forget about that. We should’ve known better than to think he wouldn’t find you.”

“At least I’m still roaming free.” At those words, Dick let out a laugh, ruffling her hair. 

“Let’s go on ahead and go home. Halloween isn’t over yet and I’m pretty sure there’s still a marathon or two playing tonight.”

“I’ll only watch it if they have the Addams Family.”

NEXT

[laughableillusions]

Moving Back Home

AN: Oh boy it’s the first mini-fic of Lindir & Farkas that you all haven’t been asking for but I’m giving to you anyway! I pasted this from my notes (in all its raw unedited glory) so if it’s wonky dw about it...

I hope to write more of these 2 in the future if you all enjoy it!

(I encourage you to read this while listening to Lady of the Moon by 2002)

———————————

The night had already settled in, and both Lindir and Farkas had snuggled themselves into their bedrolls. Lindir decided to go without the tent that night, as it was a clear night and neither he nor Farkas could smell rain coming. The opportunity to gaze at the stars calmed the elf, his mind could jump between the small twinkling lights and his eyes slide across the Aurora borealis. He loved Skyrim, he really did. He loved the cold shivering weather, the crunch of snow under his boots, the large trees and delicate flowers. There was something so comforting about it, something he didn’t really see until now.

Back in Summerset it was hard to get such a view of stars as this, the cities were large and full of light. And the heat kept anyone from even thinking about making a campfire, cold weather was rare and treasured. But even then, his friends preferred the heat. Or at least they did...it was still hard to grasp that they were no longer alive. Lindir hadn’t been there, it was hard to really accept a death when you were never there to witness it.

He sighed, it was no good to dwell on the dead. Besides, it was years ago...he had almost forgotten about Summerset Isles. Something in him bloomed in Skyrim, maybe it was his mixed blood. He perhaps was more Nordic than he believed, but he found himself thriving in cold weather. The shivering cold mornings kept his mind alert. The warm blankets and furs he slept in meant something more to him than a decoration, it was to keep him alive. He remembered being a child and begging Aradnae to buy him a bear pelt from a merchant. She refused of course, he was still small and had no use of it at the time. But the interest of an outsider, he didn’t quite understand why they wore the pelts or what they were used for. Now, ruled under a thick layer of one...he very well could.

And Farkas, his beloved Farkas...just the thought of him put the grief out of his mind. He was warm, he was soft and he loved him perhaps more than Lindir could understand. He remembered reading something in a book long ago about love like this, how one could simply hide their face in a lovers chest and shun the world entirely away. If he could...if he could, Lindir would without hesitation. Every time they parted it felt like they weren’t together long enough, sometimes almost unbearably so. But he must...he had to, or else all of Tamriel would fall into ruin, the world would be consumed and there wouldn’t be anymore stars for them to gaze at.

Lindir turned to his side, there he could see the outline of his beloved’s face. There was something so powerful about this bond...it felt bigger than him, bigger than both of them. He had never felt love this strong before, never had such unrelenting feelings of utter devotion and adoration for anyone. It scared him sometimes, it scared him that he would away from the world if it meant to stay beside him.

“I would stand at his back, so that world would never overtake us...”

Never overtake us...

Even after a year and a half of marriage, he was still blushing at that. even though his face was stained with tears and mud, and Farkas practically limped the way back. Those words never left him, they were etched on the stone of his soul. Like the carvings of old Dovah, it was alive...it was pulsing. The memory of that cold night in the courtyard of Jorrvaskyr, it softened him.

“Darling?” Lindir asked softly, scooting himself closer to the Nord.

“Hm?” Farkas half-groaned. He was obviously dozing off.

“I love you...a lot...” Lindir whispered sheepishly.

Farkas now reanimated, and he turned his face to him. His features were still shrouded in the darkness, and he strained to try and look at them.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

Lindir shook his head and sighed.

“Nothing, I’m just feeling sentimental again.”

Farkas scooted closer, now rolling over to face him. Lindir blushed a little by his interest, and he smiled.

“I just...I don’t know, I really love it here.” He said. “It’s all so much better than Summerset, I feel more at home here than anywhere else...”

He then wriggled himself closer to Farkas, trying to get as close to him as possible whilst keeping snug in his little bedroll.

“I know what you mean...” Farkas answered. His voice was raggedy with drowsiness.

“Well I mean, of course you do. You’re a full blood Nord and Skyrim has been your home for generations-“

Lindir cut himself off and shook his head again.

“I-I didnt mean it like that...”

Farkas hummed a little in response.

“It’s just...I was always looked down upon for my Nordic blood. Nords were seen as barbaric and primitive, but coming here to their homeland I felt...I don’t know, safe?”

“Skyrim is in your blood, and not just the people, but the Land as well.” Farkas said.

Lindir felt tears collect in his eyes. He had always felt out of place in Summerset, he always felt like he had to hide himself unless he was performing. He was regarded as a freak, a “halfbreed” as he was sometimes called. In Skyrim however, the Nords would praise his Nordic blood. Said it made him strong and resilient, they lived life they way he wanted to live it. They were impatient and passionate about things. They lived like they would die the next day, and some of them did. But there was kindness, there was love and happiness. Even as harsh as life was it was still beautiful, Skyrim was more than just Land, more than just the people that lived there. It was home...it was belonging.

No wonder people fought so hard for it.

Lindir sniffled.

“Yeah it is...I-I do belong here don’t I?”

Farkas perked up his distress, his arms now wrapping around the elf.

“Yes, yes you do.”

Lindir nestled his head against Farkas’s chest. His voice beginning to shake.

“Thank you...” He almost whispered.

Farkas huffed.

“Now you have to tell me what’s wrong, I don’t want you messing up my only clean shirt.”

Lindir chuckled a bit and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Ok ok I will, you big oaf.”

Farkas squeezed him a bit in retort. Lindir squirming as he was shoved against him. He let go a bit, letting Lindir have space to talk.

“I just, I never had a proper home before...no place to go back to, no real place. Home was always people, family, but I’ve been through group after group and person after person and well...I never felt like I really belonged.”

Lindir then paused, his cheeks going pink.

“I mean, except with you of course...”

He could feel the blush on the nord when he said it.

“A-and because of that The Companions...I-I mean your family sort of became my family in a sense...”

Lindir felt vulnerable, silly and flustered. It was stupid and he knew it, latching onto someone else’s family because they’re married to them...it felt predatory. But he couldn’t help how much he loved all of them, even when Vilkas was being a smart -ass or Aela being rude. After he married Farkas the responsibility of Harbinger sat heavily on his shoulders, he was responsible for all of them and he did not take that lightly.

Farkas was silent for a moment, he was thinking of a response. Poor man wasn’t very good when it came to words, Lindir didn’t mind it, many times Farkas’s presence was enough to put him at ease. But when Lindir needed counsel, Farkas always tried, and that too was enough.

“They’re not just my family Lindir, you became a part of it when you joined, and you’re still a part of it now, they all love you too. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.”

“You really think so?” Lindir asked cautiously.

“Yeah...” Farkas was soft but confident in his answer.

Lindir smiled quietly, Farkas never lied. There was something so finalizing about his answer that quelled any suspicion in Lindir. He had done so many things, and was still doing them now. From the Thieves Guild to The Dark Brotherhood now. Not Farkas or the Companions ever wavered in their loyalty and support toward him. Even Kodlak, who he known only a short time accepted him as one of his own.

“Hey Farkas?” Lindir now asked.

“Hm?”

Lindir hesitated for a second.

“I-I want to move back to Jorrvaskyr...”

Farkas pet his hair.

“Mhm...”

The Nord was dozing off again, Lindir could tell. He was as well, all that thinking and talking finally exhausted him enough to sleep. That was alright though, they could talk more about it in the morning.

Lindir snuggled himself against his husband, his home and dozed off to his quiet breathing.

[rheawritessometimes]

A Terrible Deal

{ Childe x GN!Reader }

{ Summary } Babysitting Childe has its ups and downs. Series Masterlist

{ Warnings } Swearing, Mention of Injury, Medication, Mention of Violence, Physical Intimacy.

{ Notes } The second part of Let's Make a Deal with minor edits. Masterlist

{ Word Count } 3,076

{ Prev || Next }

It didn’t take very long for the sentiment of Childe’s recovery being a simple one to be thrown in the garbage. Long before the sun had even begun to peek over the horizon you were awakened by the sound of a break-in.

Rolling out of bed, your feet silently met the floor. Your sword materialized in your hand as you crept out of your room, briefly wishing you had a shorter blade. Something small would be nicer in the limited space of the apartment, but anything was better than nothing.

Any grogginess you had felt faded as you neared the source of the sound, whatever intruder was in the apartment was not stealthy as they searched cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. You didn’t even need to sneak around, the loud banging of things being thrown around the kitchen was cover enough. Adjusting your grip on the sword, you prepared to face the intruder.

Needless to say, you were more than annoyed to find that the ‘break in’ was actually a familiar Harbinger making breakfast, tearing apart the kitchen in the process. Your sword dematerialized as you brought a hand up to massage your temples to ward off a headache. Childe wore a cheery expression in the middle of a mess of ingredients and cookware, some of which you were certain had not been necessary to whatever it was he was making. There was no way that many bowls were necessary for any recipe.

The Snezhnayan flashed a bright grin when he saw you, but the gesture did nothing to ease the scowl that had settled onto your features. That didn’t seem to dampen his mood in the least, he merrily continued preparing what appeared to be enough food to feed a lot more people than were currently occupying his apartment. Was he expecting a lot of company this morning?

“I thought we made a deal that involved you resting and not cooking enough to feed a small army at ass in the morning,” you remarked, the sarcasm laid on thick enough to be dripping from each word. Much to your frustration, this only made him laugh as he turned the stove on.

“Well, I usually wake up early but this morning I had nothing to do since someone broke my bones. So, I decided to make a nice breakfast for my guest to enjoy on their first day staying with me,” he responded with faux innocence, though there was laughter in his voice that easily gave him away. His words were still effective in making you feel a little guilty, so you wordlessly brought the dishes you were fairly certain he was done with to the sink and began washing them.

The two of you fell into a comfortable quiet after that, you were busy cleaning a mountain of dishes and Childe’s focus was on frying a few eggs and cutting up a bowl of strawberries. You were mindful to stay out of the way as Childe cooked and he made an effort to set the cookware he was finished with beside the sink for you. The rhythm you two had quickly settled into felt startlingly domestic, something you reminded yourself not to like, and certainly not to get used to.

“Maybe I did make a little too much,” the Harbinger muses somewhat sheepishly as he looks at the table he had just finished setting. It was without a doubt too much food for only two people, the table at risk of collapsing under the weight of it all. You could only nod in agreement.

“Your guard might appreciate a plate,” you suggested, as though one more person would make much of a difference against the mountain of food. You had to admit, everything did look delicious. The table was laid out with fried eggs, some porridge, a few sandwiches with sausage on them, what appeared to you to be a form of crêpes, pancakes of some sort, the bowl of cut strawberries, and a kettle of tea. But you had to admit, everything looked delicious, it would be no trouble finding people willing to eat the excess food.

“I suppose my subordinates deserve a nice breakfast,” the redhead sighs dramatically, “They’re lucky they have such a nice boss.”

“Mhm, and if you ever fall out with the Fatui you could certainly find a job as a cook,” you reply after sampling a forkful of his work. You weren’t even sure if it was possible to leave the Fatui once you were a Harbinger. A simple retirement might be out of the question for Childe.

Living in Liyue had you more accustomed to chopsticks, but it was evident after going through Childe’s kitchen that he did not own a pair. As a witness to his attempts at using them, you weren’t very surprised by this finding. A fork was easy enough to figure out, anyway.

“I’m glad you like it,” the redhead responds with a grin, quickly busying himself with his own plate. As he eats, he begins to talk about having similar breakfasts with his family in Snezhnaya. This turns into him recounting learning how to make these dishes with his mother and you quietly listen along, making the occasional comment and smiling fondly at his memories and the way he became more animated as he spoke about his family.

The sun had emerged by the time each of you had eaten what you could, and you cleared the plates while Childe ordered his guard to distribute the remaining food to his subordinates stationed in Liyue. You were halfway through cleaning the dishes when the Snezhnayan waltzed into the kitchen, leaning against the counter. He contented himself with watching, not bothering to even offer his assistance.

“I was thinking we should do something. I’ve been cooped up for too long. Maybe a casual hike up Mt. Aozang?” he suggested, causing you to pause in your ministrations and glance back at him with a raised brow. No hike up Mt. Aozang would be a casual one considering the terrain and potential enemies of the area.

“It’s been less than a full day,” you pointed out, “And, hm, what was it? Oh yeah, and you have a few broken ribs.”

“What are a few broken ribs to a Fatui Harbinger?”

“It’s a no, Childe,” you firmly insisted, causing him to groan and mumble about you being a 'spoil sport’. It was easy enough to ignore him as you finished up with your small chore.

“I’m using your shower,” you informed him once you turned away from the sink. He only hummed in response, still pouting against the counter. It was all you could do to not roll your eyes at his childish behavior.

“What am I even supposed to do for six weeks if I can’t go out and fight things?” he whined, and this time you did roll your eyes.

“Well, maybe you can still improve your fighting,” you mused, “Have you ever tried working on your strategy? Because that could definitely use some improvement.”

The Harbinger huffed indignantly at your words, taking the mature route and sticking his tongue out at you as you left the kitchen to take a shower. He could pout to himself in the kitchen while you had a relaxing shower.

The apartment’s bathroom was on the smaller side, but it was still easily workable and didn’t feel cramped. You had brought with you your own toiletries, but that didn’t stop you from poking around Childe’s well-organized things out of curiosity. There wasn’t anything of particular interest so you decided to just get cleaned up and figure out what to do for the day.

Leaving the bathroom wrapped in a towel and feeling refreshed, you made your way to the guest room to pull out something to wear for the day. You decided on something comfortable, it didn’t seem like you’d be going out today anyways and if you did you could always change into something more suitable. After getting dressed and taking care of a few more things, you left the guest room in search of Childe.

It was a simple task finding the Harbinger, he was seated at the table flipping through the pages of a book. You were more than surprised to see it was a book on battle strategy, although you noted it was one focused on group tactics to be used in war organization. You supposed it shouldn’t have been any great shock to find he had such books, considering his position as a Fatui Harbinger who was known for his knack for combat. But to actually find him taking your advice was not something you had expected. If you had observed for a moment longer you might have noticed Childe was only pretending to read, the books around the apartment were mostly just decoration.

“Finally done with your shower?” Childe asked, looking up from his reading, “Good, you were stinky.”

His tone made it clear he was joking, and you gasped in mock offense. You both laughed at this, his cerulean eyes shining with amusement. You weren’t sure you’d ever seen eyes more beautiful than his.

“Anyways, I was thinking we should go for a walk around the harbor and have a late lunch a Wanmin. Then we can just wander looking for stuff to do, or we could go out to that one boat. Or maybe Zhongli will be at the market and invite us for tea,” Childe suggested, setting the book down on the table. You raised your brows at his 'plan’.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had any time off and I don’t know what to do,” he justified, crossing his arms over his chest. You only shook your head, smiling softly at his pout.

“Alright, I wouldn’t mind a walk around the harbor, at least. Lunch at Wanmin sounds good too. We’ll see what happens afterward,” you conceded, watching his expression immediately brighten. Just a walk shouldn’t be too strenuous, so you weren’t terribly worried about his bones. Plus, you wouldn’t be able to keep him in bed all day and this was a much better alternative to him going out and finding a fight.

“Let me just get changed into something more presentable.”

It wasn’t long before you were walking along the docks of the harbor with Childe, hand in hand. The redhead had grabbed your hand early on, intertwining your fingers with a cheeky grin. You didn’t resist when he did this, comfortable with showing a small amount of affection, even in public.

Looking out across the calm waters of the harbor, you couldn’t help but think it matched the blue of the Harbinger’s eyes. While he had an excellent poker face when necessary, Childe’s eyes were often very expressive, allowing an easy read of his mood at a glance. Smiling fondly at the thought, you squeezed his hand gently before moving on.

The rest of the day progressed just as pleasantly, both you and Childe enjoying the sights of Liyue before getting lunch at Wanmin as he’d planned. After eating, you browsed the various stalls of Liyue’s busy market, admiring the vast array of goods on display.

As the Snezhnayan had earlier predicted, you did meet Zhongli at the market and he did invite you two for tea. You wondered if he had planned it with Childe, but the polite man seemed entirely surprised to have encountered the both of you.

Tea with Zhongli turned out to be quite a lengthy endeavor, and you were rather exhausted by the end of it. He had recounted the history of Liyue well into the evening, in a way that reminded you of a professor during a lecture. It was Childe who was finally able to excuse the both of you, after several hours of education on the historic importance of Silk Flowers.

“Well, I did make a promise that I would rest, so I’m afraid we must be going.”

“Ah, yes. It is always good to keep your promises,” Zhongli agreed sagely, his words carrying a strange gravity. With polite goodbyes, you left with Childe to return to his apartment. The walk back was through darkness thanks to the hour, but the streets of Liyue were lit and there was still plenty of activity.

It was no surprise that both you and Childe were ready for bed by the time you made it through the door. He mumbled out a mostly unintelligible apology for how long tea with Zhongli had lasted before kissing the top of your forehead and disappearing into his room.

You stood in the hallways shocked by the affectionate gesture for a few seconds before deciding it would be best to just go to bed and forget about it. Surely the action was purely the result of exhaustion.

This time when you woke up the sun had already risen. Silently, you thanked Rex Lapis for not having to wake up to a break-in Childe’s noisy breakfast-making. Even if his cooking was really good, without sleep you’d eventually become rather cranky, to put it lightly.

Exiting the spare bedroom, you found the Harbinger sprawled out on the couch looking through a stack of papers. You assumed it was Fatui business, something which you wanted nothing to do with at the moment. Maybe at another time you would be interested in their secrets, but as of right now, they weren’t really your problem.

“How are you feeling? In any pain?” you asked casually, making your way to the kitchen to retrieve some ice. Regardless of his answer, it was still advised to ice his side regularly.

“Mm, I’m fine. Took some painkillers earlier,” he replied, most of his focus still on the documents in his hands. You briefly wondered how often it was that the Eleventh Harbinger did paperwork as opposed to fieldwork. You would have assumed he had a secretary or something for this kind of thing, though you supposed it made some sense for him to do it if he wasn’t out in the field.

Leaving the kitchen with another makeshift icepack, you noticed he had set the papers down on the coffee table and draped an arm over his eyes. You raised a brow at this, wondering how long he had been reviewing the documents, but didn’t say anything as you placed the icepack on his side and sat on the couch where there was space beside his legs.

“I don’t think I can last six weeks like this. I’m already dying of boredom,” he confessed, raising his arm to peek at your expression.

“I’m not sure I can last six weeks either,” you replied snarkily. It seemed lost on him as he nodded in agreement before furrowing his brows and scowling at you. Realization.

“Hey, wait! What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, sitting up quickly and wincing at the resulting pain. You picked up the icepack that had slid down and pressed it against his side until one of his hands came up to hold it in place.

“It means I think sometimes you’re a bit much,” you laughed in response, ruffling his hair and causing his scowl to deepen. In retaliation he used his free arm to wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him, resulting in you sitting on his lap. The movement must have hurt his ribs, but he didn’t show any outward signs of pain.

“I’ll have you know I’m a fucking delight and you adore me,” he asserted, staring you dead in the eyes with a challenging look. Now that he was closer, your eyes were drawn to the light smattering of freckles that crossed his nose and dusted both cheeks. From a distance, they weren’t really visible, but now you could clearly see them.

“Mhm,” you agreed absently, bringing a hand up to lightly cradle his jaw, swiping your thumb slowly across his cheek. It was only when he started leaning in that it dawned on you exactly what you were doing and how intimate it seemed. By the time his lips were pressed against yours, heat had risen to your cheeks and you were certain your face was a brilliant shade of scarlet. Luckily his eyes were closed so he couldn’t see you in such a state, but you had a nagging worry that he was able to feel the heat radiating off your cheeks.

Despite your flirtations having been unintentional, you didn’t push Childe away. Instead, you wrapped your arms loosely around his shoulders and fell into the slow rhythm he had set. You heard the soft thump of something being tossed onto the coffee table, but you were distracted from that when his hands found your sides and gripped firmly.

A soft breath left you when his lips moved down to your neck to place gentle kisses there. The featherlight touch had goosebumps raising across your skin and you were almost embarrassed by your body’s reactions.

“Alright, maybe six weeks won’t be too bad,” Childe murmured against your neck and you could feel his smile. It made your heart flutter, you weren’t sure you liked that.

“Oh, what made you change your mind?” you asked innocently, a hint of laughter in your voice.

“Mm, I wonder.” His lips began trailing back up your neck and over your jaw until he sealed them over yours again. The drag of his tongue across your bottom lip had you opening your mouth for him without a thought. In response, he pulled you closer to him, one hand reaching up to tangle in your hair.

When he finally pulled away, he smirked at your flushed appearance and the fact you were a bit breathless. The way he looked at you made butterflies flutter in your stomach and when his ocean eyes dropped to gaze at your lips you placed a hand on his chest.

“I need to go. I want to get you some proper icepacks from Baizhu and I should probably do some grocery shopping for you,” you told him, standing up. His arms fell easily away from you, but he looked up at you with a surprised and what you thought might be a slightly hurt expression.

“Maybe we can continue this conversation when I get back,” you said before retreating to the guest room to change into something more presentable. You smiled at his excited utterance of “oh!” as you left.

-

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[simmonsofshield]

The Last Thing

Pairings: Y/N Stacy & Peter Parker

Summary: Peter is not dealing with his friend’s death very well. Loosely based on true and personal events.

Words: ~2900

Warnings: Mentions of death. Yelling. Blaming.

A/N:  AU, Peter and Gwen are friends. Y/N is Gwen’s older sister. Gwen is an Avenger and has been in all the fights instead of Peter. This is for @jbbarnesnnoble​​‘s mental health awareness challenge. I chose “How do you even begin to move on?” It won’t be a quote, but it’ll be in bold. Takes place after Endgame.

Dear Peter,

I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’ve never been known to anyways. If you’re reading this, that means I’m either dead or in some sort of close-to-death coma, probably the former.

I’m writing this the day before I leave for Berlin. Sorry I didn’t tell you about it but Tony Stark came to me so I’m assuming it has to stay on the DL. Yeah, you read that right. Tony freaking Stark! He hasn’t told me much but I’m assuming some sort of drama with the Accords. Why he came to me and not you, I’m not sure. Maybe just because I go out more and there’s more youtube videos of me than you. Or maybe he didn’t want the “friendly neighborhood Spiderman.” He wanted someone tougher. Haha just kidding.

Anywho... back to the reason for this letter. I want you to take my place. Queens still needs someone to take care of it, and since I’m no longer around, it’s gotta be you. We were both in that lab and got bit by those radioactive spiders. Who thought making spiders radioactive was a good idea anyways? We went through all the weird hardships with these new powers together and managed without anyone finding out….except my sister. (and apparently Tony Stark.)

Speaking of Y/N, I’m putting her in your care. You are now responsible for her. I’m only kind of sorry. She’s the only one that knows about this letter.

Hopefully you don’t have to read this immediately following this impromptu trip to Berlin, or at all in 2016. Or, you know, ever. Hopefully I can grow old and retire SpiderGwen. Wait, those are two different things, let me rephrase that: hopefully I can stop saving the day around 25 and then retire when I’m old and wrinkly and burn this letter so you never have to even know it existed.

If you are reading this and made it this far, I want you to know that I believe in you. It is hard being a hero. Sometimes  you have to make tough decisions, but you’re a smart guy. I know you will be great. Better than me, probably.

You’re the best basically-brother I could ever ask for. Spiderman is destined for great things. I know it.

Gwen

Present day, May 2023

When it first happened - when half the universe was brought back - Y/N came looking for Peter immediately. After that first weird day back to school, she found him..and that was weird too. She used to only be one year older than him and Gwen, and now she was clearly 6 years older than him. She’d asked if he’d seen her in class, and he said no. She covered her mouth and started crying right there. It confused him at the time, but in hindsight, he realized she knew at that moment that Gwen was dead. Her family got the call from Nick Fury himself that night.

Besides the big bad, Thanos he thinks, there were only two casualties. “Only” two on the heroes side, when there’s usually zero. They were Gwen and Tony Stark. So not only did Peter lose his best friend, he lost his idol as well, and even though he never got to meet him, it still hurts. A little. He died bringing back the half of humanity that was blipped, a truly heroic act, but Gwen died so that that could happen. She’s hardly ever mentioned in news reports or anything.

It’s been almost two months. TWO.

Peter read the letter again. He did almost once a day. The fold creases were already very worn and the page had been stained with tears many times over. He still just couldn’t believe she was actually gone. Being brought back after getting blipped was enough to deal with but now his closest friend was dead. What was the most frustrating was that he didn’t know how. He wasn’t allowed to. SHIELD classified it and only the immediate family could know. You hadn’t told him everything, but you did say something about her getting caught in some crossfire. That’s all you were allowed to say.

He sat in the stairwell of his and Aunt May’s Queens apartment while he waited for you to arrive. He was zoned out thinking and didn’t even hear you come up the stairs.

“Peter?” he snapped back to reality and looked at you, eyes sad, “you ready?”

He nodded and stood up, shoving his hands in his shorts pockets. He trudged down the stairs and met you at the landing, then walking side by side down the rest to ground level. Exiting the complex, you put your arm around his shoulders walking the already too familiar route. What had happened was still fresh and you two had decided to visit Gwen’s grave once a week, tell her what had been going on, if anything.

The first few times were okay, but recently, Peter hadn’t been saying anything. He just kneels in front of her grave, head down, and cries. You really felt for the kid, you did. His parents died when he was 6, his uncle Ben 3 years ago (since he was blipped), and now his best friend-basically-sister. He’s only 16 and has dealt with more death than anyone at that age should. How do you even begin to move on? The gaps are big, but that doesn’t make any of them hurt less. Especially when they’re all family.

After a few minutes of silent sobs, you place your hand on his shoulder. He stands up and steps aside, so you can have your time. You look at him and give him a soft smile of thanks. He looks at you for a millisecond before looking back at the ground, wiping away stray tears.

You approach her gravestone, putting your hand on it, brushing your fingers along it and tracing the letters of her name. You speak softly, as if just to her. “Gwenny, I need help. Your help. This has been hard on Peter. You were his best friend and now he just seems like a lost puppy without you around. I know he has Ned and MJ, but a big chunk of him is missing without you here,” you cough out a sob, “I just want the old Petey back. I don’t expect it tomorrow, or next week, or even next month, but I need it. I want some sort of normalcy back in my life,” your next sob comes out with a little bit of a laugh, “look at me, talking to a grave like I’m talking to an actual human. You’d totally give me crap for this.” you sigh, “It’s just-- being six years older than him now instead of just one makes it hard. We’re in such different places in our lives. He just finished his freshman year of high school, and I’m in college now...” you trail off, forgetting where you were going with it. Standing up, you give one last tap to the gravestone. “Bring him back. Oh-” You dig in your purse and pull out a charm bracelet. You crouch back down and lay it right next to the base where the grass is a little bit taller. You wear an identical one. “Mom and dad are doing fine..well, as well as you could expect. There are some rough nights, but we’re managing.”

Emotions were still running high at home. You’d lost your sister, and your parents, their youngest child. There was a lot of fighting and blaming, despite heroism being Gwen’s choice. She’d told you once that she’d been given the powers for a reason. If bad things happened and she did nothing, it was basically her fault. You never really agreed with the sentiment, but she insisted and went on helping out the people of Queens, eventually roping Peter into it.

A lot of the time the blame fell on you, your father wondering why you weren’t with Gwen and Peter the day they got bit. You take it, as it’s his way of mourning and relieving his anger. He’s looking for answers that he’ll never get. Your mom is mostly silent, save for the fights. You two usually end up drinking a bottle or two of wine before tottling off to bed, drowning your sorrows.

The walk back is silent, as usual. You were both mourning and it was always emotionally draining after a visit and hard to make conversation. You’re about 2/3 of the way back before you decide to try. “I, uh, noticed you had the letter in the stairwell.” You feel a shift and see as his hand goes to his pocket. “Pete, why?” You sigh, not in disappointment, mostly in exhaustion but a little bit of curiosity too.

He looks down, an exhale coming from his nose, “It’s the last thing I have of her.”

You let out a soft gasp. That hadn’t even crossed your mind, it was the last physical thing Gwen had touched and given - by way of you - to him. “Oh, Petey.” You run your fingers through his hair a few times before letting your arm rest limply over his shoulders. He pushes it off, stopping in his tracks and looks at you with an expression you don’t recognize. He mumbles something and you stop waking as well, leaning forward a little. “Peter?”

“Tony did this.”

“To-”

“Tony Stark! He’s the one who recruited her. He’s the one that put her on this path.” he paces back and forth in anger. “If it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t be a part of the Avengers and she wouldn’t be dead.”

“Peter...” you know what he’s doing. In fact, you went through and did the same thing just a couple weeks ago. “You know he’s not to blame. She’s the one who wanted to help the community, just like you,” you reasoned, “it was only a matter of time before she caught the eye of the Avengers.”

He ignored you, turning on his heels. “I need to talk to him.”

“Y-you can’t. Peter..” you stand there, stunned for a moment, “Peter.” you call out. He doesn’t respond and you quickly move from your place on the sidewalk and jog a little to try to catch up. You forgot how quickly he could walk when he was on a mission. “Peter!”

“What?!” he turns around, fire in his eyes. You actually cower a little, never hearing this tone come out of his mouth before.

“Uhm..” your voice is meek at first as you try to figure out what to say and recover from the surprise his outburst gave you, “you can’t go talk to Tony.”

“And why not?”

“He,” you swallow the lump in your throat, speaking softly not out of fear now, but to bring down the information as delicately as you could, “he died that night too. Remember?”

He blinks and there seems to be a flicker of remembrance and realization. It quickly changes back to anger and he looks you dead in the eyes, pointing. “Then it’s your fault!”

“W-what?”

“Yeah. You’re the one that let her go to Berlin. She would’ve listened to you. If you had told her no, she wouldn’t have gone. It’s your fault!” he continues pointing his finger at you, his voice rising as he talked. You hadn’t even realized you were moving until you were suddenly backed into the wall of a corner store, or maybe a restaurant, you didn’t really take the time to figure out where you were on the street.

You could feel your breath beginning to shallow the more he talked. You had no idea what was going to happen, and with him being enhanced, he was unpredictable. “Peter...” was all you could muster up, hoping just saying his name would somehow take him out of this trance he was in. It didn’t work and if you hadn’t looked down to look away from his face, you wouldn’t have noticed his other hand beginning to ball into a fist. Your eyes widened and you looked back at him, tears threatening to fall. “Peter, please.”

It didn’t phase him. “It’s your fault!” he yells and you see his fist rise and you dodge out of the way in the nick of time, now in a crouched position.

You hear his fist connect with the wall, “Fuck!” Under different circumstances, you’d be surprised and sarcastically scold him because you’ve never heard him swear, ever. At the moment though, you’re now seated against the wall, breathing hard and tears falling silently.

“Y/N?” He crouches down and puts a hand on your shoulder, which you slink away from. At this point, as if it were a movie, mother nature decided it had to rain. All you hear is the soft pattering of the rain on the sidewalk for a moment before you hear some soft whimpering. You look around, and see a few feet from you, Peter sitting and hugging his knees, head down.  

You stand up, and walk over to him, not announcing your presence in any way, and sit next to him. Taking his hand in yours, you begin inspecting his knuckles. “You’re lucky you have super strength. Otherwise that wall would have done a number on your hand. More than just some scratches and it looks like probably some bruising.” The only reply you get is some breathy sobs. “Okay,” keeping his hand in yours, you stand up and urge him up too, “let’s get you home.”

He doesn’t argue and slowly begins to walk home, with your aid. Your arm is once again around his shoulders and he doesn’t push it away this time. The whole walk back is silent, as expected. The both of you now more tired than before, physically and emotionally.

When you arrive back at Peter’s apartment, you enter, May leaving it unlocked. She’s on the couch watching tv. She turns around with a smile to greet you guys, but it quickly turns to a frown when she sees the state the two of you are in. You see her mouth open about to ask a question and you shake your head. She closes it and stands, walking over to Peter’s bedroom door and opening it for the two of you. You nod a thank you and walk in.

Peter still seems to be in a daze when you sit him down at his desk. You scan his room looking for a towel, seeing clothes and books strewn about, assuming he ‘lost’ his backpack again. “Well, I see you have a project for tomorrow,” you try to joke, despite the fact that you began picking up his clothes and putting them in the hamper in his closet. You hear a soft hmm? and look over at him. He’s looking at you, eyes red but only a little puffy.

You finally find his bath towel, halfway under his bed. Picking it up, you shake it a couple times to get any dust bunnies off and walk over to him. You can feel his eyes on you as you dry the rain off his arms and legs, but you continue. You dab off his neck and rub his hair a few times, getting as much off as you can before moving to his face. He jerks away and wipes his forehead with his arm before looking at you, as if studying you. You sit back a little, unsure, wondering what he’s going to do.

He takes a deep breath like he’s trying to gather the courage to speak to you. It takes a couple more seconds before he does. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh Peter,” you coo softly, “it’s okay.”

He slaps his hand on his desk, “No it’s not!” seeing you jump, he realized what he did, “s-sorry.” he says barely above a whisper.

“It’s not,” you agree, “but you’re mourning. I’m going through the same thing at home. You know this. I can take a few angry words.”

“But I blamed you, tried to hurt you.”

You nod, “I will admit I was a little scared when you tried to hit me,” he looks down, scared to make eye contact, “but,” you use your finger to lift his chin, “I got out of the way and you didn’t. Guess I gotta thank Gwen for taking me to some of those self defense classes so I could help her train.” You say the last part with a smile.

For what you’re pretty sure is the first time that night, Peter smiles too. You use your hand and wipe away the remaining tears on his face. “There he is.”

You get up on your knees, about to stand up, when he pulls you into a hug. You let out at squeak of surprise but quickly melt into it. Then, you suddenly begin to cry.

“Y/N?” he doesn’t pull out of the hug but you can hear the concern in his voice.

You sniffle and wipe away your tears, letting out a kind of cry-laugh. “I’m just glad, that at least for tonight, you’re back to the Peter that I know. I’ve missed your smile.” You feel him hug you a little tighter.

For Avory

[slaxl-rose]

Heather (roger x reader)

summary: reader has developed sort of a love/hate sentiment towards Heather due to her being the apple of rogers eye. Reader wishes she actually "were Heather", as in more like her, so that roger would likewise be attracted to her. But in realizing that she can't be her, she also wishes something bad would transpire to remove Heather from the scene. So conclusively, we can say that reader is jealous of Heather since she possesses qualities which are causing roger to be "mesmerised" by her. 

words: 2.1k 

-

I woke to the sound of my phone ringing loudly next to my bed. I decide to just leave it there and let it ring until it stops but unfortunately my plans failed as the ringing somehow managed to get louder. Probably just too early in the morning. I groan loudly and pick it up "hello?" i answer, my voice full of sleep

"darling!" a loud echo shouts through the phone. It is too early for this. I recognised the voice right away and wiped my tired eyes with the heels of my hands "hi fred"

"aw my dear, did i wake you?" he asks with pity in his voice "yeah but i needed to get up soon anyway" i responded so that he doesn't at all feel bad. "any plans for the day, love?" he asks. I think about how i'll probably be sleeping or watching Netflix for about 90 percent of the day, so no. No plans.

"uh- no not really"

"perfect! you must come down to the studio my dear! we need more opinions on our newest song"

that honestly did sound like fun. I've loved all of the queen songs lately and i'd love to watch them play in the studio. I also remember that i haven't seen fred or the rest of the band in a couple weeks so this would be a nice catch up. "of course i'll be there!" i happily agree.

We bid our goodbyes and hang up the phone. With me promising to be there at 10:00

~~

Soon enough, 10 am rolled around and i was making my way to the studio to see the boys and to listen to their newest song. The sound of that excited me. But what excited me more was the fact that roger would be there. To be honest, I've taken quite a liking to the blonde haired drummer. In my eyes he was smart, funny, talented and not to mention, absolutely gorgeous. The thought of seeing him again made my heart race.

I pushed open the studio doors when i heard a faint 'y/n' from behind me. I turned around quickly to see Mary jogging up to me with a girl I've never seen before by her side. A bright smile on her face as well as mine. "you sure do walk fast" Mary says as she catches up to me. I smile at her and look over to the girl beside her.

"y/n, this is my friend Heather" she then turns to her friend and introduces me to her. I politely smile at her and shake her hand. "hi!" she says cheerfully. She really was beautiful. She had wavy blonde hair that came down just past her shoulders, dark green eyes and was about 5'9. She looked like somebody you'd find on the vogue magazine cover.

"hey!" i say back just as happily. Not realising that soon she'd be the source of my sadness. We all continue to walk through the double doors and through the hall to the studio where the boys were recording. Mary walks in first, then Heather, then me. All four boys sit up once they spot us walk through the door. Freddie stands up to hug mary, and roger stands behind him. I was about to lift my hand and wave but i saw that he wasn't looking at me, he was looking at heather. Next, freddie makes his way over to me and brings me in to a tight embrace. "darling I've missed you so much!"

freddie was the only person to know about my feelings for roger. I didn't plan on telling him but one day he asked me because apparently 'i was staring at roger for so long it was just obvious!' So yeah he kinda picked up on that. Thankfully i trust freddie enough to know that he won't tell anybody. Once i pull away from freddie, i look over to see roger talking to heather. She laughs loudly at something he just said. Probably wasn't even funny, i scoff to myself and made my way over to brian and deaky to mutter a quick 'hello' and a smile.

~~

2 hours later and the boy are still recording. Currently they are still in the booth. They promised by the end of the day we could listen to the full song. Every now and then they would take a quick break and roger would always sit on the couch next to heather. It made me extremely jealous.

only if you knew, how much i liked you, but i watch your eyes as she walks by

roger comes back out of the booth and sits on the empty seat next to heather, across from me and mary.

what a sight for sore eyes

i watch the way he wraps his arms around her shoulders

brighter than a blue sky

and the way she leans into his touch

shes got you mesmerised, while i die.

i sit up abruptly and excuse myself from the room. Not being able to watch them anymore. Roger hardly even acknowledged the fact that i was in the room. He only talked to me once to ask if i could 'pass his drumsticks, love'  

i scoff and took a seat on the bench outside. Tears threatening to spill from my eyes. So much for having a good time. I just wanted to leave and not tell anyone i was going home but i know freddie wouldn't appreciate that very much. Speaking of freddie, i jumped as the outside door opened. please don't be heather, please don't be heather i chanted in my head. I didn't turn around until the person spoke up "love?" freddie says gently. He must of seen how quickly i left the room

i turned back around to face the front of me, looking down sadly. "yeah fred?" i replied with no emotion present in my voice "darling why don't you come back inside? it's freezing out here" freddie asks while sitting on the bench beside me. Ha, that's the last thing i'd want to do.

"nah, think i'll stay here" i say as i don't look away from the ground. I wasn't about to cry anymore, i was just numb. I heard freddie sigh from beside me

"i see the way you look at him love"

you finally look up "yeah, and do you see the way he looks at her" freddie frowns as i say that and i do too. "i'm sorry darling, i can talk to him if you'd like-"

"and say what? hey roger, y/n is in love with you but you're in love with another girl" i reply sharply with my voice full of sarcasm. Freddie falls silent and i start to feel bad. "i'm sorry fred, you're an amazing friend i shouldn't take my problems out on you. It's okay really, i'll just get over it" i say trying to sound genuinely ok but my voice just sounds broken. It's sad really. Freddie wraps an arm around me and pulls me into a tight hug while i cry quietly on his shoulder. 'It's ok darling, you're ok" he coos softly. We both know i'm not ok but freddie was just being a great friend. Looking out for me. What would i do without him?

About 10 minutes later, i tell fred that he needs to get back to recording and that i'll be in shortly after i fix my makeup in the bathroom. He suggests coming into the women's bathroom with me to comfort me because he, and i quote 'doesn't want me to be alone'. I chuckle at that and reassure him that i'll be just fine. He places a soft kiss on my cold cheek and makes his way into the studio again. I make my way down the hall and into the female bathrooms where of course heather is looking at herself in the mirror. I hold my self from rolling my eyes. It's not her fault that hes in love with her and not me i suppose. She smiles once she sees me but a concerned look crosses her delicate features. I guess my mascaras run a bit. I almost turn away when i see her wearing a jacket that i could of sworn roger was wearing earlier. I look up to her

"that rogers?" i say nodding my head towards the jacket. She looks down and that bright smile returns to her face once again

"oh! yes it is, he gave it to me, said that it was getting quite cold" she chuckles softly. I force a smile

you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester

i turn to the sink and begin to wipe my makeup. Not wanting to look at her any longer.

but you like her better

she looks at me frowning, "are you alright y/n?" i almost roll my eyes, does it look like i'm alright?

"mhmm"

she catches on to my cold tone and realises there's no point in talking. She excuses herself from the bathroom and leaves. I stand up straight and sigh as i look at the door she just walked through

i wish i were heather

~~~

3 hours later and my depressed attitude hasn't changed. Every now and then i hear giggles from behind me on the couch coming from roger and heather. I decided to move away from them so now i was sitting by the mixing desk next to deaky and freddie. I see heather stand up from the couch as she tells roger shes just going to get a quick drink

how could i hate her? she's such an angel, but then again kinda wish she were dead as she walks by

i turn back to the front so i was watching brian record his part for the song. It's better to distract myself i think. Soon i'll be able to go home and i won't have to put up with them being so close to each other.

what a sight for sore eyes, brighter than a blue sky

Roger smiles brightly as she walks back into the room

shes got you mesmerised, while i die

~~

finally i'm able to collect my bags and leave as the boys were finished recording. I bend down to pick up my bag as i hear roger and heather announce that they were about to leave. Together. I sigh shakily as i pull my bag onto my shoulder. don't cry, don't cry. I look up to see freddie looking at me with a pitiful look, i send one back. There's nothing i can do about it, i just have to accept it and move on.

but you like her better

I watch as they walk out of the room together, hand in hand.

i wish i were heather...

a/n- i hope this one wasn't too sad! and i hope you enjoyed!!!! also i didn't have time to proof-read this so i hope it's not too bad.

----------

lyrics for 'Heather'

by Conan Gray

I still remember third of December Me in your sweater, you said it looked better On me, than it did you, only if you knew How much I liked you, but I watch your eyes

As she walks by What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than a blue sky She's got you mesmerised While I die

Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty You gave her your sweater It's just polyester But you like her better Wish I were Heather

Watch as she stands with her holding your hand Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder But how could I hate her? She's such an angel But then again, kinda wish she were dead

As she walks by

What a sight for sore eyes

Brighter than a blue sky She's got you mesmerised While I die

Why would you...

[teenwolfechoes]

Secluded Sentiment - Part Two

Part One

It’s time for Stiles to say goodbye. 

After we finish getting everything packed we both let out deep breaths. I can feel the tension in the room. While it’s not between Isaac and I, it’s still there. I cast a glance at Isaac, “hey man, I need a second. I’ll meet you by the Jeep in a few minutes.” I carefully mumble. 

His eyebrows come together and he licks his lips before nodding his head. He throws a hand to my shoulder where he grips it, “take your time, I’ll wait outside.” He responds. He takes one last look before heading out the front door. 

As I make my way to his bedroom I run my hands over the walls. Throughout these years this loft has become a second home to me. It has been my hard rock when my footing gets unsteady. Through the parties, pack meetings, and late nights it’s honestly a sight for sore eyes no matter what kind of day I’ve had. Now, granted I know I have a key. I know I’m welcome here anytime, but it won’t be the same. There won’t be a grumpy sour wolf here to make me feel safe, to judge my actions, or to listen to my rants. No matter what’s come up, Derek always listened to me. 

Rather it was about a new creature, a pretty girl that ignored me, or a vent from my mind winning a war with my heart. Oh all the times I ranted to him about Lydia. I was too oblivious to see what was right in front of me. As I look around I see what looks like a picture under his dresser. “What the fuck?” I mumble to myself. I reach under to grab it and pull it out. When I flip it over I see a picture of Derek and I. It’s a selfie I had taken a while back. 

I let out a laugh while holding my phone out in front of us “awww, come on sourwolf. One smile, that’s all I’m asking.” I jest at him. 

He gives me a solid frown before straightening himself and scooting closer to me. “One picture stiles then we eat our food.” He grumps back to me. We were currently sitting at a diner with the rest of the pack, celebrating another win against a creature threatening beacon. 

I beam in response before looking back to my phone. Once my attention is back on the screen, I find Derek smiling brighter than I had ever seen before. It brings a cheek splitting grin to my own face. “Hey there you go!” I gasp out before snapping the picture. As I move the phone closer to my face to see the picture I feel Derek move to look over my shoulder. 

I tilt my face to watch him from the corner of my eye. I find a content smile gracing his face before he turns the grin to me. He chuckles before firmly grabbing my shoulder and turning his attention back to the pack. I give a puzzled look before deciding to send the picture to him with a text saying “A salute to good times and amazing Alphas” before locking my phone. 

Throughout the dinner he wears this look of happiness. A small smile gracing his face as he interacts with the friends around the table, a playful mood I had never seen on the normally grumpy man. He discreetly, at least he thinks, casts grins and barely there touches as everyone eats. 

Once everyone stands to head to their cars I feel Derek staying close behind me, almost as if he’s protecting me from some creature I can’t sense. As I get to my Jeep I turn to look at him, finding that content smile highlighting his face. “Stiles, I um, I had a good time tonight. Not quite sure why I felt the need to tell you that, but thank you for the picture. Have a good night, yeah?” He quietly states while rubbing the back of his neck. 

I take in his flustered stance with a hint of confusion, why is he so nervous right now? “Yeah man, I had a good time too. Anytime you wanna have a photo shoot I’m totally up for it! I may or may not have a photo album for the entire pack. You should come see it some time.” I rush out in response. 

He lowly chuckles as his smile gets a bit larger, “I’d honestly love that.” He responded before opening and closing his mouth again. It’s almost as if he has something else to say, but thinks better of it. I hope everything is okay with him, he normally isn’t this nervous around me. “I’ll see you around, good night Stiles” he finishes before turning to walk to his own car. 

I tilt my head in confusion while smiling at his back. “Good night Derek” I mumble lowly before shaking my dazed state.

I let a content sigh escape me as I shake the distant memory. I wish I could just go back in time, and slap myself into recognizing what I had back then. Everyone was still breathing back then. I place the picture against my chest, willing to wake up from what has to be a nightmare. It feels like someone has carved a hole into my heart, like I’m incomplete. Which has to be a stupid thought right? If there’s one thing he deserves, it’s freedom. His entire life he’s been hurt, hunted, and stressed. 

Then there’s this recurring thought, he would never go for someone like me anyways. He’s Derek Hale; he’s strong, brilliant, and most importantly straight. Even if he hadn’t left, these feelings could never be reciprocated. If all of this is true though, why would he have this picture? Why would he keep it locked away for only him to see? Most importantly, why can’t I get him out of my head?

It’s almost as if there’s this pull to be near him, with him, or at least know where he’s at. I have this overwhelming feeling to protect him. I mean he’s a werewolf for god's sake, what could I possibly do that he can’t? I shake my head vigorously and massage my temples. I have to let him go, there’s nothing there for me. That thought caused me to push myself back into the standing position. I retrieve my wallet and place the picture there for safe keeping. I’m telling myself not to worry about it, knowing it’ll just throw me back into more memories that will push the guilt further in my heart. The logical part of me knows I will never find peace without knowing, but then I scold myself, it’s not about me. I can’t be selfish, Derek deserves happiness away from this god forsaken town. 

Patting the bed as a goodbye I stand and turn to look around the room. Of course in classic Derek fashion the room is mostly black. He has silk sheets with a black comforter adorning his bed along with his walls being a dark mahogany. The room even smells like Derek, and that's saying a lot with no wolf powers. Sandalwood and the sharpness of peppermint clings to everything in the loft. The smell of a rainstorm easily drifting through the air causing me to sigh. It smells like home. 

A tear betrays me as it falls from my eye, showing just a tiny part of the pain held within me at this moment. I place my hand over my heart “Goodbye Derek, I wish you were here. I wish I had grown the balls to tell you, hell, even show you just a glimpse of how I feel. I’m no good at goodbyes, they always cause so much pain.” I pause to take in a deep breath. It honestly feels as if my heart is cracking a bit more. “I just, fuck the what if’s. I-I think I love you Derek. Fuck!” I growl out before tugging at my hair. “Goodbye Der, you deserve the world.” I end before cleaning my face with my jacket sleeves. With a clear of my throat I leave the bedroom and head out to the Jeep. 

Isaac is stood outside the Jeep, watching me with a tilt of his head. I nod at him before walking around and hopping in with a slam of the door. As I start the engine I can feel him staring holes into the side of my head. “What is it man?” I grouch out to him, placing my face in the palms of my hands. 

He snaps his eyes to the house before clearing his throat, “Stiles, I, I just don’t understand. Derek wouldn’t just leave like this. What happened?” He asks with desperation coating his tone. 

I chuckle darkly while shaking my head. I throw the vehicle into drive before responding, “You wanna know what happened? Kate Fucking Argent.” I scream before slamming my fist on my steering wheel. I turn out of the driveway and allow the tears to fall freely this time. “She turned Scott into a berserker and held him and his girlfriend captive. When we went to save them Derek jumped out first. There was another berserker there. He beat Derek to a fucking pulp and then stabbed him.” The memory causes my face to cringe and my heart to tighten. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could’ve defended him in anyway, but I’m weak. “Derek, he-he survived. He evolved actually. He turned into this magnificent black wolf. We haven’t seen him since. He left, for his own good. This town was going to kill him.” By the end of my rant my voice is a low whisper. The memory is still so vivid and heart wrenching. 

Isaac is silent for a minute or two, taking everything in I suppose. I breathe in the road, that smell of rain still fresh in the air. It’s almost as if anything and everything triggers memories of Derek. “I should have never left.” Isaac mumbled in return, mostly to himself, I assume. 

My only response is silence this time. There’s no sarcastic or witty response quick off my tongue. Sometimes, the best answer is silence. I’m not better at reunions than I am at goodbyes I guess. I’m just tired and angry at this point. I want everything back to how it was, but I also don’t want to feel weak any longer. Most importantly, I want Derek back. 

“Goodbye is the hardest thing to say to someone who means the world to you, especially when goodbye isn’t what you want.” -

Taglist: @fussy-and-a-writer-sometimes​

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Wan High Weeping (Part 45)

Zuko handed his chip to Iroh, the old man smiled warmly. “One month, Zuko. You should be proud of yourself.” He handed the chip back. “Jasmine or ginger?”

“Whatever you think would taste the best.” Zuko replied, knowing very well that the man would brew up every type of tea if he had the chance. Especially since he was brewing it in celebration of him having been newly cleared for outpatient.  He watched Iroh bring down his special tea set and his higher end herbal mixes. “You don’t have to do that uncle. I’ve only been a month clean.”

“A month clean is more to celebrate than a year clean.”

Zuko furrowed his brows.

“It gets easier and easier over time. I’ve always thought that it was the first few months that counted the most. Those are the months where you have to truly fight and restrain yourself.” He set the cups out on the table. “So let’s celebrate the strength in that.”

Zuko picked up one of the cups. They had a red class make with a filigree trim of gold that resembled the powerful scales of a dragon. Genuine gold, according to his uncle. That genuine gold trim was inlaid with genuine ruby, table cut. He was almost afraid to pick it up, let he shatter it. He was almost certain that the glasses were the most expensive things his uncle owned, next to the matching teapot; a thing that depicted an dragon unfurling its shimmery wings and puffing out a breath of metallic fire.

It would be at least an hour before the tea would be served. Only Iroh could draw it out that meticulously. But that had to be the reason why his tea was particularly wonderful, with the ability to make him feel wholly cleansed by the last sip. Some months ago he would have been rushing the man, telling him to hurry it up as it was just tea and he had things to attend. Today he was glad for the length of preparation. “Uncle, I have something to talk to you about.”

“Anything.” Iroh replied.

“I love it here, you know I do.” He paused. “And I know I just got back…”

Iroh moved his tea kettle to the stove. “Yes?��

“But I ran into Azula and she said that she was living with mother.”

Iroh smiled. “And you want to go stay with her for a while.”

Zuko nodded. Though he was worried at the prospect of staying with Azula again. “How far away does she live?”

“Not very far at all.”Iroh replied. “You could walk there, if you really wanted to.” He turned away from the kettle. “Would you like to bring some tea to your mother and sister?”

It sounded like a plan to him.

.oOo.

“Teo, this is my mother.” Azula introduced.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Kasai!” He greeted.

“Ursa is fine, dear.” She smiled. “How did you meet my daughter?”

“Well, there was this one time--I think it was last year--when she threatened to push me out of my wheelchair. You know, typical love at first sight things.”

Azula resisted the urge to slap her hand against her forehead. “Keep sharing stories like that and I will push you out of your wheelchair.” She mumbled.

Ursa sighed. “Well I’m glad that the two of you have moved passed that.”  Azula supposed that she appreciated her mother’s efforts to not accuse her of being difficult to care for. “She has been treating you well lately?”

Teo curled his hand around hers. “Yeah, she’s been great.”

Ursa moved into the pantry and pulled out some homemade pastries. She offered them to Teo. “Thank you for being there for her when I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“If you want to give some to your father for raising such a gentlemen, I’d appreciate it.”

Azula couldn’t tell whose face was more flushed, her’s or Teo’s.

“I can do that.” He took the tin.

Ursa turned to Azula. “I have some for Katara and her family as well.”

“I’ll try to remember.” Azula replied. She ought to remember, it would likely do Katara well to have some kind of a treat the monday after her trial. Based upon the silent treatment she was given by both TyLee and Katara, she was willing to bet that it was in full swing.

“Alright, well I have a sequel to work on. If you two need anything, give me a call. And let me know if you plan on going anywhere.”

Azula fights back a frown, Ozai had never made her report where she was going. “I was just planning on going around the block.” Between practice and therapy sessions, she hadn’t exactly gotten to explore the neighborhood. That was her plan for the day, the venture would be more pleasant with some company.

As soon as she stepped outside, she regretted it. She didn’t realize that the forecast had called for snow. She drew her hood over her head. It was a light fluffy sort of snowfall, the kind that clung to her lashes and the wool of her gloves, but only for a second before they melted away. The ground already had a light dusting of the stuff; it glittered trees and set the windshields of cars shimmering.

“Your mom is a nice lady.”

“She’s trying.” Azula replied. Though trying was an understatement. The woman was doing everything in her power to make Azula feel at home. It was almost suffocating, especially when put up against the lack of affection Ozai had shown her. Yet it was as comforting as it was overbearing. She no longer outright dreaded breakfast. She wasn’t comfortable, by any means, but she wasn’t going to great lengths to avoid it either.

It also didn’t horrify her to bring back a lackluster report card. Ursa insisted that her collection of B’s was perfectly acceptable. Azula disagreed vehemently, agitated that she had let them slip that far. Granted Xi River was in the process of discussing accommodations in light of her transfer, her abuse, and her suicide attempt. Even so, she didn’t want a pity grade.

It was a hassle to do so, but she left those thoughts on the back burner for the time; she had promised Teo a real date. In her mind, she flipped subjects to something lighter--her teammates were as awful on the court as they had claimed, but they treated her well. She both hated and loved to admit that Yue had been right, they paid very little attention to her body. Shoko in particular seemed to put all of her attention on simply not getting a volleyball to the face.

“I have my first game next weekend.” The words were accented by small misty puffs that drifted skyward. “Are you going to come?”

“Of course I’ll come. What time does it start?”

“It starts at seven.” She replied. “I would be there by six.” Actually she would be there by five if someone had invited her to a game, but she couldn’t imagine Teo wanting to arrive that early.

“I’ll see if Katara and TyLee want to come.”  He came to a stop. “This is pretty nice.”

She wasn’t sure if he was talking about the pond and its snow-speckled cattails or the faded white gazebo overlooking it. She wheels him toward it, only to find that its only entrance had stairs. She hadn’t seen him look so disappointed in a while. With a deep sigh she attempted to lift him out of the chair. She supposed that she could handle carrying him for that short distance. She set him down on the bench built into the gazebo, facing the water. The effort left her terribly winded but his eyes had such a twinkle. She sat herself down to catch her breath. After a few moments, he pulled out his camera. At first only capturing the pond and the snowfall. Eventually he grew board of this and slung his arm around her.

Her cheeks are rosy with the cold. She cold no longer feel her nose. But she let him snap the picture anyhow.

He snatched up her phone and took a second. How wonderful, she would never have to worry about forgetting the time she almost froze her ass off in a gazebo. She shivered.  With her phone back in her hands, she took off her gloves to send Katara a quick text, asking her to let her know how the trial had gone. That alone, left her hands a shade of pink. She shivered with more force.

“You don’t do too well in the cold do you?”

“I have no idea why you’d say such a thing.” She muttered through chattering teeth.

“Do you want to head back to your place?”

She didn’t spare it a second thought. She scooped Teo back up and put him in his wheelchair. They hadn’t gotten very far at all, in their walk. She supposed that she would have to explore the place in the spring, or at the very least, on a warmer winter day.  

“Whose car is that?” Teo asked.

“I’m not sure, maybe one of mother’s friends.” Using a makeshift ramp, she helped Teo get onto the porch and pulled the door open. Hot air was pleasant on her skin. The smell of herbs was twice as potent as it was prior to her walk. She hung her coat and hat up and made her way into the kitchen, Teo in tow.

“Uncle?”

“Good evening, niece.” He greeted.  “If I would have known you’d have a guest, I would have brought a fifth teacup.” “It’s fine, uncle. Teo and I can share.” She was trembling and desperate for something to warm her. So much so that she almost didn’t ask him what he was doing there.

“I came to drop your brother off.” He filled her cup and handed it to her. “I hope that you will make things easy for him.”

“He wants to live here?” But of course he did, their mother meant the world to him. It was going to be strange to be in his company again. It had been so long. She brought the teacup to her lips, savoring the heat that rolled off of the liquid and onto her tongue.

Azula heard a drawn out beep and Ursa stood. “The two of you made it back just on time for dinner.”  Iroh followed her into the kitchen, no doubt to give she and Zuko some bonding time.

“Sweet.” Teo smiled.

Azula still didn’t share his sentiments. Two weeks into her new meal plan and it still left her feeling privately ashamed and without the comfort of being able to rid herself of it. For an uncountable amount of times, she reminded herself that the purging didn’t do anything anyways. She swept a curtain of hair out of her face and offered the teacup to Teo. She had taken care to leave it half full.

“Thanks.”

She nodded.

.oOo.

Zuko knew that he would be seeing Azula soon, his mother had told him that much. He hadn’t expected to see her enter, hand in hand with Teo. The last he recalled, she was mocking the boy for his condition. And yet, she had helped him get comfortable at the table’s end, she was sharing her drink with him. It would seem that he had missed a lot where Azula was concerned. Every time she spoke it became more apparent. Granted, she was still much quieter than usual--perhaps it was because he had showed up unannounced.

Physically she was different too. His brief and somewhat distant glance at her in the rehab facility hadn’t been enough time to process it. Since then she had put on a little more weight and it occurred to him that, that was why he hadn’t recognized her right away. He felt bad for thinking so, even if she’d never hear it.

And her hair, had it been dyed when he first re-encountered her? He could have sworn that it was fully black. But now her hair faded from its natural hue to a deep crimson to a vivid read. It had been trimmed nicely and framed her face well.

She was wearing makeup again, winging her eyeliner in the way he was use to seeing her wear it.

The clothing she wore was different as well; stylistically it was the same, but it was much baggier. He didn’t know if he should attribute this to insecurities or to the cold.

All in all, she was well put together, as usual. It wasn’t fair that her life could be in such disarray that she needed therapy, and that she could still look as sharp as ever. He wondered if he should vocalize his thoughts but decided against it, not knowing how she would take it. Instead he pulled his chip out of his pocket and set it on the table. “I got my red chip today. Picked it up really early this morning.”

“Your red chip?” Azula asked.

“I’ve been clean for a month.”

“I thought that you were admitted in October.”

“I had a relapse.” He replied reluctantly. As soon as he said it, his stomach heaved. He had just given her a huge opening. He was lucky his mother was still out of earshot, he didn’t want to give her another thing to get teary eyed over.

.oOo.

He relapsed.

Azula supposed that she wasn’t surprised, he hadn’t had many people to support him. She almost felt bad for having people to hold her hand when he had no one until now and most people considered her to be the more unapproachable and unlovable of the two.

She could see it on his face that he thought she was going to hold his confession over him for years to come. But she had nothing to say. She was a pound or two away from having a relapse of her own. “Did you have to go through it alone? The withdrawl, I mean?”

“No, I had Hahn.”

“Hahn?”

“He’s two years clean and he likes to drop by to help newcomers.”

She didn’t know where to carry the conversation from there and a hush fell over them. Zuko rested his arm on the table, it still bore signs of abuse. Pockmarks accented the length of his forearm and she was almost certain that those scars would remain.

Aside from that, he seemed to be in a much better state. His hair was clean, his face was well-shaved again. He no longer had the look of a man in times of famine. His eyes stood out the most. They were focused and had a spark to them.

His eyes had life.

It didn’t occur to her just how haunting and hollow his appearance had diminished until, the old Zuko resurfaced.  She picked up the chip. “One month.” She wondered if bulimics got special chips.

Zuko smiled, he seemed so proud. He had well and earned his right to be so. She flicked the coin back to him. He caught it and returned it to his pocket.

“Wow, you guys are tense.” Teo remarked. She had to ponder upon what his relationship with his brother might have been like.

“So, when did you and Azula become friends?”

“Friendship happened some time in September. Dating started...actually that’s kind of unclear, it just kind of happened.” Teo replied.

“He’s your…?”

“Yes, perhaps you should get one.”

“For your information, I already did.”

“You got back with Mai, already?” Azula asked. It brought a dull ache to her heart to think of Mai. The girl hadn’t spoken to her in ages and the thought of reaching out...that window had well and passed.

“No.” Zuko replied. “We were talking about boyfriends. I said that I got one of those.”

“It’s Hahn isn’t it?” His face flushed and Azula smirked. “It is Hahn.”

She tried not to think about where that was going to leave Mai.

.oOo.

Zuko smiled to himself, dinner had gone so much better than he thought it would. Speaking to Azula became surprisingly pleasant after some of the awkwardness cleared. She, him, uncle, and mother--aside from the absence of a father, it was like a real family dinner. If things with Ozai hadn’t been so rough and recent, he might have made a joke about Teo filling in for their father. But Ozai was one subject Zuko couldn’t seem to make light of. And Azula? She didn’t bring the man up at all. In fact, she still hadn’t reveal anything at all about what had led to her living with their mother.

Altho, hesitantly, she was eating again. A full and regular meal at that. She made no mention of this either and he felt like he’d be pushing boundaries to ask.

He would chalk it up to Ozai simply forcing her to fast. That would explain, at least a little, how she ended up at the table with he, mother, and uncle.  

After a while, she pushed a mostly empty plate to the side and announced that she was going to be taking Teo home. It was getting late and she had a two hour commute going both ways.

Now it was just he, uncle and mother.

“Do you want me to get your things from the car?” Iroh offered.

“Please.” Zuko replied.

“While he does that, I can show you to your room.” Ursa spoke. “I didn’t realize you were coming, otherwise I would have gotten you things to decorate with, like I did for Azula.”

“It’s okay.” He was just glad to be in her care again.

“Tomorrow we can go to the store and pick up a few things.”

That sounded good to him. She led him around the mansion. It was a lovely place with a much warmer and more inviting ambiance than Ozai could have ever hoped to create. With the conversation and his thoughts in a calmer, quieter place, it registered that Ursa had soft music playing in the background. The Chinese harp and a Chinese zither welcomed him to his new life.

The wallpaper was as floral as her garden. Winter plants, hung in pots by every window. She led him passed Azula’s room. It was as tidy and organized as ever. He noticed that she was displaying her medals and trophies again. Her favorite volleyball, was propped against her dresser.

He didn’t know how he was going to decorate his room yet. A few rock band posters couldn’t hurt. He’d probably place the tea set Iroh gifted to him on his dresser. Other than that, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. He’d probably just collect things to decorate with over time.

“Are you disappointed in me?” He asked.

Ursa came to an abrupt halt. “Why would you think that? I haven’t done anything to make you feel that way, did I?”

“No.” Zuko replied. “But I feel like having a heroin addict for a son, isn’t something to be proud of.”

“Oh, Zuko.” She took him into a hug. The kind he had longed for since the divorce. The kind that made him feel like he was worth the world. “I’m going to tell you what I told Azula.” She paused. “I’m not disappointed in you, I’m disappointed in your father for driving you to this. I’m furious actually. The court gave you to him, thinking that he’d give you a better life. I let him take you because I thought that he could provide for you better than I would.”

“Living on the streets with you, would have been safer than living with him.” Zuko agreed. “Maybe not for Azula, but…”

“Zuko.” She spoke firmly.  “There’s a reason I’m fighting for custody over her. I’ll leave it to her to tell you about that, but Ozai was no good for her either. I need the two of you to support each other. If the two of us can work things out with her, your father will have that much less in his favor.”

.oOo.

Teo beckoned her inside. It was already 10:33. She rolled her eyes, “I can’t go in before you, you need me to hold the door, remember.”

“Let me at least pretend to be a gentleman.”

She took hold of the outer glass door and allowed him to pass. The inner door stood open on its own. “Now you can be a gentleman.”

“Urge gone.” He replied, wheeling himself the rest of the way in.

“Incredible.”  She muttered under her breath. She hadn’t the time to come inside anyhow. “I have to get going.”

“How long is your drive?” Teo’s father asked.

“Two hours.”

“That is way too late to be driving!” The man declared. “You know, tired driving is as dangerous as drunk driving…”

“Dad!” Teo cut him off. “Do you want to spend the night, Azula?”

Azula sighed. Well, she was living with her mother now, she might as well give her something classically motherly to worry about. She sent the woman a text, telling her that she would be spending the night at Teo’s house.

“Our picture already got likes.” Teo remarked once they were in his bedroom.

“You posted that!?”

“You didn’t say not to.”

Fair point. She still didn’t like it.

“Who’s Nagako?”

“She sits with me at lunch.” Azula replied. She opened up her phone’s internet browser. She hadn’t logged into any of her social media pages since her attempt. She hadn’t anyone to talk to. It shouldn’t have been a shock to find new friend requests, it should have been something she was used to. Once upon a time, she had received them daily. She approved Katara, Nagako, and her volleyball team. “This guy seems like a creep, I should block him.”

Teo, still looking down at his phone, replied, “yeah.”

She hit the block button.

It took him a few moments. “Hey! Unblock me!”

Her smirk only faded when a message notification popped up. Really, it would do her well to leave it unread. But she was curious. Curious and unwilling to look like a coward.  She unblocked Teo before clicking it.

The message was much simpler than she would have thought. ‘Please don’t sue me.’ He was typing again. ‘My parents will kick my ass.’

All the more reason to go through with the lawsuit.

“Who is it?”

“Chan.”

“What does he want?”

Azula shrugged. “Mercy.”

Her fingers hovered over the phone’s keyboard. ‘I’ll kick your ass myself.’  Against her better judgement, she hit send.

‘So will I. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of kicking my own ass, actually.’

She had a response at the ready, but he started typing again.

‘Can we talk.’

‘We’re talking now.’ She replied before he could begin again.

‘In person?’

‘That sounds like a perfectly horrible idea.’

Another message popped up. Clicking on that one would have been a worse idea still. He was going to have her head for it, but she blocked her father anyhow. The action left her feeling exposed and uneasy.

‘Please.’ Chan persisted. ‘You can bring that Ryoko chick, she looks perfectly terrifying.’

Azula looked to Teo, “you up for a little...adventure tomorrow?”

“Are you asking me if I want to talk to Chan with you?”

“Come or don’t come, I’m rather curious.”

“Fine, I’ll go with.”

She turned her attention back to her phone. ‘12:00. If you aren’t there at exactly 12:00, you won’t be seeing me.’

.oOo.

Zuko stretched and yawned. The scent of pancakes tickled his nose. It took him a moment to recall that he was in a new bed. A more comfortable one with a foam mattress and a collection of push pillows. The sun streamed through his windows as brightly as winter would allow.

“Did Azula ever come home?” Zuko asked, upon finding only his mother at the table.

“She spent the night at Teo’s.” Ursa answered. “Syrup?”

Zuko took the syrup and poured a generous amount over his pancakes. The smell of coffee adds a friendly tang to the morning. He couldn’t fathom why he hadn’t thought of finding and living with his mother earlier.

It might have saved him from a trip to rehab.

But then, he had started using heroin before his eighteenth birthday. Even so, he can’t bring himself to wholly regret having started his use. He didn’t think that finding Ursa would have been possible without. Even if that was the case, he wouldn’t have met Hahn.

“These are really good!” Zuko commented. He couldn’t recall the last time he had eaten homemade pancakes. Tastes like the would surely keep him away from heroine. He liked to think so anyways.

“Thank you.” Ursa smiled. “I thought that it would be too late to ever cook for my children again.”

His phone flashed, he picked it up, eager for good morning wishes from uncle or Hahn. Instead Mai’s name glared from the screen. He considered letting it pile on top of all of the other messages from her, he had missed while in rehab.

.oOo.

Chan stuffed his hands into his pockets. He wasn’t looking forward to this one at all. The trial had good and ruined his Saturday, he might as well end the weekend on a sour note. The only good news was that Jet’s collection of outbursts had essentially sealed his fate. But he didn’t condemn himself without collateral damage. The man went on a good tangent about how Chan had, had a good hand in Ruon’s demise. How his parties were trashy and perfect for people like Jet. He had asked Chan if he considered how many other people had been assaulted at his parties, people who didn’t and would never come forward. It turned his stomach.

And turned it twice over when Jet stated that he had enjoyed hitting Ruon where it hurt. Thrice over when Jet stated that he had laid some unwanted moves on Ruon, just to see him squirm.

The boy was vile through and through, and not the kind that could be helped. Chan had to guess that the boy didn’t want to change.

It was his final words that followed him. “Punch me as much as you want, you killed him too.”

He had, hadn’t he? Ruon was dead because everything had been a joke or a party to Chan. It was easier that way, until it wasn’t.

He could have pulled Jet off of Katara and made something of himself. It could have been an eye-opener, but it was easier to remain blind.

Ruon killed himself because he had a friend who was def to his problems.

He killed Ruon just as much as Jet had.

He had almost done Azula the same.

Hell, he probably had Teo teetering close to the edge and Katara as well.

It was frigid and nippy as hell but he made his way down to the beach. She hadn’t told him where to meet her. She didn’t need to. He wandered to the volleyball court, the season had already formed sparkling crystals on the net.

12:00 turned into 12:01 and 12:01 turned into 12:02.

He should have asked for a location.

“You better make this worth my while.” He jumped at the sound of her voice. “You know that I hate this weather.” She was buried beneath so many layers, it was hard to forget. He did try to forget, however, the day he had taken her ice skating and she bundled herself up in much the same way.

“You said 12:00.” He commented lamely.

“Yes, you needed to be here by 12:00. I get to take my time.” Her voice dripped with venom and hate and he was beginning to regret extending the invitation. “Katara told me that you got out of your last trail without repercussion. Why shouldn’t I change that?” She folded her arms over her chest.

It was hard to gauge her expression beneath her layers of hoods. He didn’t need to see it to know that she was unshakably pissed. The biting cold wasn’t doing him any favors. “Do you want to go to a restaurant or something?”

Wrong move.

“What, so you can make more fat jokes?”

Completely wrong move.

“Do you think I’m as dull as you?”

He looked to Teo for help. He knew he wouldn’t get it based on that shit eating grin the boy was wearing.

“I just thought that you’d want to go somewhere warmer.”

“Not necessary, this conversation is going to be quick.” Azula replied. “I believe that it’s already almost over.

He groaned, he was going to have to swallow his pride. “Okay, look, I was an asshole.”

“You speak as though you aren’t still.”

The girl was merciless. He supposed that it was nice to see fire back on her tongue, he just wished it wasn’t lashing at him. Still, he knew that the lashes were well earned, he had been one of the people to kill the flame in the first place.

“I’m trying to fix that.”

“You’re trying to save yourself from another trial.”

“I don’t want to be like him.” Chan insisted. “Did Teo give you this big of a hassle when you apologized to him!?”

“Kiss my ass, Chan.”

Teo’s snickering didn’t do Chan’s temper any favors.

“I’m trying!” He sputtered. “And it is not working.”

“Clearly.” Teo snorted.

Azula looked horrifically unamused. She looked down at her phone. “I live two hours away, thank you for your hand in that, by the way. I have to get going. Have fun with Usha.”

“Wait!” Chan raked his hands through his hair. “I don’t even like Usha. I only got with her to bother you.”

“Congratulations, it worked for a while. Good to know that it bothered you too.”  She hit a button on her car keys and he heard the faint pop of the doors unlocking. She turned around. “While I’m here, I might as well ask why.”

“Why what?”

“Why did you want to bother me?”

“I wanted attention.” He confessed.

“You had it.” Azula scoffed. “I want a real reason.”

And he had none for her. They’d known each other for years. They had been in the same group of friends for years. Until her accident. He knew that Usha had been sitting there nice, pretty, and waiting for Azula to fall so that she could take her place at the top. She told him that much. But him? Where was the appeal for him?

He couldn’t say why, but it had simply been fun. It was one thing to pick on a nerd and a completely new and interesting experience to pick on someone who had toppled painfully down the social ladder. Was that it? Was that really the only reason he had done it?

“I don’t have one.” He admitted.

“I know.”

The snow crunched beneath her feet as she wheeled Teo back up the beach. Between the sand and the ice, it was a task she was struggling with. He reached out. “If anyone’s accidently dumping Teo into the snow, it’s going to be me. You’ve pushed him out of his chair enough.”

She wasn’t missing one chance. “It’s good to have you back.” He tried. It was one final attempt at ass kissing.

“You do not have me back.” She huffed as she fought to free Teo’s wheelchair from a mound of snowy sand. It would be comical if she wasn’t so frustrated and he wasn’t so stressed. “Not even.” Another huff. “Close.”  The chair was free.

“I mean that it’s good to hear some of that sass again.” If nothing else, at least he knew that he hadn’t left any permanent damage to her self-worth. “Can I please help you wheel nerdass...Teo back to your car?”

“Nerdass doesn’t want your help.” Teo grumbled.

“Neither do I.”

He watched her help Teo into her car and then she climbed into it for herself. It would seem that things were finally going to catch up to him. She turned her keys and the engine wheezes. She gave it a second go and a third. He wasn’t a lip reader, but he knew her well enough to know that she was silently cursing to herself and to Teo.

“I have a car and jumper cables.” Chan offered.

“Call the tow truck, Teo.”

“Really?” He sputtered. “Now you’re just being difficult.”

“Correct.”

Chan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look. I’m sorry. Do you want to slap me in the face or something? Would that help?”

He didn’t expect her to take him up on his offer. The sting her hand left reminded him exactly why she had been so good at volleyball. “It helped a little.”

“How many slaps will it take to get you to hear me out?” He asked.

“At least one.”

He sucked in a deep breath, “go on.”

She rolled her eyes. “Start jumping my car. We can talk while you do that.”

[quilser]

Perfect P3 ~ Choni:

(A/N) So what if I’ve posted three parts of a story in one day? Who careeeee? No but really I wanted to write smut. That’s why we’re here. Also I may or may not have worked a dirty talk kink into this so... Guess we add that to our beautiful massing of Choni kinks. Enjoy pals xx

Read on ao3

Pairings: Toni Topaz x Cheryl Blossom

Word Count: 4910

Rating: E

Warnings: Like I said, a dirty talk kink is in here. Also I guess you could say I wrote sub!Cheryl but. Like. That would imply I wrote a dom!Toni and I don’t really know if that’s the case. Ah well. Who knows anyway? You tell me

Summary: After two years, two past lovers are reunited. The end result is one neither of them wanted.

Parts: |1| |2| |3| |4| |5| |6| |7| |8| |9|

|~~|

“Cheryl.” Hearing her own name surprised her. For a moment she’d questioned if she imagined it, but with a quick turn of her head to face behind her, she saw the one she’d come to see.

It seemed surreal to Cheryl that she’d somehow been right about Toni being here, but then the question rose as to why the door hadn’t been answered. Cheryl decided to ignore this fact for now though in favor of venturing over to Toni.

Looking at her from closer up revealed that Toni must have gone out the night before. Her eyes sat heavy with makeup that she only wore on the nights she went partying and the tight pants and revealing top that clung to her revealed enough on their own.

Looking at her own outfit, Cheryl somehow felt underdressed despite only being in view of a desolate front yard and Toni.

“Hey.” That’s all that managed to escape Cheryl’s lips when she’d gotten closer to Toni. The expression on the girl in front of her said nothing of her emotions. It was completely neutral and Cheryl wasn’t sure whether to fear or appreciate that.

“What are you doing here?” Toni questioned, this time sounding more exhausted with the thought than questioning.

Cheryl didn’t answer. She couldn’t quite think of a reason as to why she’d shown up at all. All she knew was that she’d arrived here without much thought.

“You do know it’s a Saturday right? Why are you all the way out here?” Toni continued to ask seemingly unfazed by Cheryl’s lack of an answer.

“Maybe the better question is what one of us was up to last night.” Cheryl spat back somehow finding the will to sound angry. She knew it wasn’t her place to question what Toni did, but the thought of her going out made her uncomfortable to say the least.

“Why would what I did or didn’t do last night be of any concern to you?” Toni threw back after a look of disbelief settled onto her features as she crossed her arms.

Cheryl tried to think of something to say, but felt as though she was somehow having an argument on the playground with the stupidity held in each of their statements.

“I wasn’t even going to answer the door when I saw you. Don’t make me regret coming out here.” Cheryl had to hide the hurt she felt knowing that Toni had ignored her at the door, though part of her wanted to applaud Toni for having more self-control than herself.

“I’m sorry. I guess I just wanted to see you after the news I got today. I’m guessing you heard it too?” Cheryl attempted to calm herself enough to speak to Toni. It seemed to have worked.

“Oh you mean the great news that you and me get to be ambassadors for the school? Yeah, I definitely heard that one.” The sarcasm was evident in Toni’s voice, but Cheryl decided to let it be as Toni turned and wordlessly signaled Cheryl to follow her.

Once in Toni’s trailer, Cheryl couldn’t help but look around as Toni went to make some coffee. The place looked nice. It had Toni written all over it. Her serpent jacket was thrown over the back of a chair in what Cheryl presumed to be the dining room and a motorcycle helmet sat next to it on the table. The rest of the trailer had a certain level of disorder to it, but something told Cheryl that this was how Toni prefered it.

The thought that Toni was still able to live here without her grandpa made Cheryl smile knowing just how strong the other girl was. She quickly removed the expression from her face as Toni entered from the kitchen though.

“Here. I made it the way you used to like it. If you don’t want it I’ll make another.” Toni’s voice mixed a confusing blend of anger and anxiety into one statement, and Cheryl was careful to note both.

With a sip, Cheryl had to suppress a hum of pleasure with the delicious taste that emanated from the sip she’d taken. “It’s fine.” That’s all she allowed herself to answer. Toni accepted that with a nod and sat down in what used to be her grandpa’s chair to the side of the coffee table.

Nothing was said as the two sat drinking their coffee. Cheryl continued to glance around the room while Toni stared at nothing significant.

Finally when the coffee ran dry and nothing new was left to see, both girls were forced to look at each other. Nothing continued to be said and silence seeped into the cracks around them. It felt awkward in a way it never had between the two who’d once been so much closer than either thought imaginable now.

“Why’d you come here Cheryl?” There was that question again. This time Toni didn’t seem to be accepting silence as an answer. Cheryl thought about it for a minute. If she had to say an exact reason as to why she’d come, it would probably be nothing more than the want to be around Toni.

“I don’t know.” That seemed like the safer answer.

“Bullshit.” Toni was growing more and more frustrated with Cheryl. It seemed as though she was still only concerned with protecting herself from whatever was going on right now and the thought alone angered Toni. What right did she have to continue thinking only of herself?

Toni got up from her chair and grabbed Cheryl’s mug which had been placed down shortly before on her pursuit into the kitchen where she began washing both of the mugs.

Cheryl sighed as she heard the water turn on knowing that Toni was never much in the mood for cleaning unless it allowed her to avoid someone. With a bit of hesitation, Cheryl pushed herself off of the couch and went into the kitchen to be faced with the other girl's back.

Silence once again took over and Cheryl wasted no time in leaning against the counter in wait of Toni to run out of things to clean.

At one point or another, the water shut off and Toni went to steady herself using her hands as supports on the rim of the sink in front of her. A sigh escaped her lips as she mustered up the courage to turn around and try once again to speak to the girl who seemed unwilling to give the answers that Toni wanted.

“Why are you here Cheryl?” Once again, the question rung in Cheryl’s ears like a song she couldn’t get out of her head. This led her to thinking of the answer that she’d been trying to find since the first asking of the question.

“You went to the kitchen, so I followed you.” The immediate look of disapproval that rested on Toni’s face was indication enough to let Cheryl know that she’d given the wrong answer.

“Just leave. If you don’t want to tell me why you’re here, just get out.” With the conclusion of her statement, Toni walked out of the kitchen and began to venture down the hallway connected to the living room.

Cheryl continued to follow for reasons she couldn’t discern. Following Toni led to what Cheryl guessed to be Toni’s room. When she had been here last they’d stayed in the living room so she couldn’t be too sure. Toni saw her enter and with a groan of complete exhaustion turned to face Cheryl as she halted a few steps in front of the door.

“Are your ears broken along with your brain? Seriously! What kind of privileged nonsense did they feed you in the Blossom house for you to not understand when it’s time to go? When someone says leave, how hard is it to just go?” Toni was getting more and more irritated. Silence took over Cheryl again. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to think or simply trying to not upset Toni anymore, neither seemed to work.

“And now you’re silent. Once again. You know, I really don’t like talking to myself this much but it seems like whenever you’re around I always do it more than I prefer. Thanks for that Red.” Toni shook her head, partially because she didn’t know what else to do when faced with utter irritation and partially because she’d been upset at herself to let the familiar nickname slip.

“I don’t know what to say around you anymore.” The words escaped Cheryl without hesitation. They were the only things floating around in her mind for her to grab onto and formulate into a sentence. The statement itself led to Toni raising her head with a look of confusion. There was no anger to be found which seemed odd to Cheryl.

“Once upon a time, you never ran out of things to say to me.” Toni’s tone had been quelled and one could almost say she spoke with a hint of compassion. Cheryl failed to notice this, but did take note of the way the atmosphere around them seemed to calm.

“I guess part of me believes I’ve done enough. You’re the one who’s suffered, so why shouldn’t you be allowed to speak instead of me? I don’t think I deserve to talk anymore.” Cheryl bowed her head to avoid Toni’s eyes.

“Fine then. Don’t say anything.” Cheryl was about to look at Toni when she felt a hand being placed onto the side of her neck and her chin being lifted with the placement of a thumb.

Cheryl locked eyes with Toni. Something had changed within Toni's eyes. They no longer seemed to hold the hatred that had been staring into Cheryl since they’d met at the party. Now, a warmth that reminded her of the days when they’d been a pair seemed to etch its way back into the gaze that met her own.

Toni noticed the look in Cheryl’s eyes as she stared into her own and smiled seeing the surprise. It came to Toni’s realization that it was increasingly possible that Cheryl hadn’t seen one sincere glance from Toni in the past two years and the feeling each of them had by meeting each other’s eyes in a way that wasn’t hostile was something more sentimental than either cared to admit.

With that, Toni brought her lips closer to Cheryl’s. At first she only brushed them against the taller girl’s mouth, but slowly the brushing became short pecks which turned into drawn out interlocking of the two pairs of lips now dancing to a rhythm neither had heard in some time.

However, the more Toni kissed Cheryl, the more the anger inside of her built up. The once pleasant pressing of her lips towards the other girl’s became more forceful, she clasped onto Cheryl’s neck scratching harshly at the back where her fingers rested.

“I’m sorry.” Toni broke the kiss while resting her forehead against Cheryl’s. Cheryl was still in a state of shock and had yet to open her eyes while her lips remained parted.

“I’m too angry.” Toni barely choked out her statement. She wanted to ignore everything that had happened in the past two years and focus on the one thing she’d been wanting since it was taken from her, but something in her kept nagging.

It was like a thread of her was caught on the anger she held and as she tugged against it to try and free herself, the only thing that occurred was the further unraveling of herself.

“I want to forget. I want everything to be the same, but I’m so angry.” Toni let go of her tears as she shut her eyes and attempted to get away from Cheryl.

The sound of Toni’s words becoming mixed with tears pulled Cheryl from her place of shock. Just as Toni was beginning to pull away Cheryl grasped her face similarly to how Toni had to her only moments before.

“It’s alright.” Cheryl punctuated her statement with a simple kiss to Toni’s forehead. Using her thumb, Cheryl wiped the tears that had begun to fall and Toni closed her eyes and stopped trying to move away.

“I understand.” This time Cheryl kissed Toni’s nose and pulled her closer.

“Whatever you need.” Cheryl’s lips landed on Toni’s and left a lingering kiss before Toni retreated and placed her forehead on Cheryl’s while closing her eyes.

Both girls stood like that for some time. With their eyes closed, the air around them seemed to dissipate and all that was left was the two of them together.

“Thank you.” Toni placed her hands on Cheryl’s hips and pulled her even closer than before. She moved her forehead from the other girl’s and proceeded to place her lips onto the one’s in front of her.

The kiss itself started gentle. It was a futile attempt by Toni to convince herself that she could ignore her anger. She couldn’t.

The kiss began to get more heated. With Toni gripping onto Cheryl as though she was holding on for her life. Cheryl didn’t mind. Instead, she kept up a soft massage of her fingertips against the back of Toni’s neck acting as the slowed beat to contrast Toni’s quickened tempo.

Toni began to walk the pair back to the bed before twirling them to have Cheryl between her and the mattress. Toni straddled Cheryl’s waist but with the new found freedom of her hands, she found great pleasure in pushing Cheryl’s two wrists together above her head.

Cheryl had almost forgotten how strong Toni could be when she wanted to be. Cheryl could tell that it made Toni feel better though. In a way, Cheryl assumed that after losing every sense of control for the past two years, any opportunity to gain it back was something Toni took advantage of.

Toni didn’t bother questioning what Cheryl was thinking. As her free hand began trailing down Cheryl’s side, the only thing on her mind was how bothersome the top on Cheryl was.

“I want this off.” Toni’s voice was lower now and when Cheryl looked into her eyes, she saw nothing but lust. She understood though. This wasn’t about her. This was all she had left to give Toni.

“Do you want to take it off or should I?” Cheryl matched Toni’s tone. She didn’t fail to miss the glimmer of shock that just barely crossed Toni’s face. It wasn’t long before Toni returned to her previous self though.

“You worry about the shirt. I’ll take care of the skirt.” Toni ended her statement with a simple kiss planted onto Cheryl’s lips. Her tone wouldn’t show it, but that kiss was enough to tell Cheryl that everything was fine. This was still Toni. It was just the side of Toni that she had helped to cultivate.

Following Toni’s command, Cheryl used the release of her hands to pull her shirt up and over her head. It was then thrown somewhere into the room, but Cheryl didn’t care to clock where that was.

Given that she had some time, Cheryl propped herself up on her elbows to glance at Toni. The girl had managed to get Cheryl’s skirt hallway down her legs, but seemed distracted by the expanse of skin she’d just uncovered.

Cheryl smiled at the thought that she could still distract the other girl and decided that if there was ever a time to be cocky it was now.

“Like what you see?” Toni’s head jerked up from where she’d been admiring Cheryl’s legs. At this point she noticed that the upper half of the girl she’d been so shamelessly gawking at had now been revealed. After a brief moment of processing, Toni recognized what Cheryl had been getting at. The thought brought back her lust that had been momentarily lost.

“That depends.” Toni spoke as she finished removing Cheryl’s skirt. Toni began to crawl on top of Cheryl leaving Cheryl no choice but to inch back farther onto the bed from where she’d been hanging off the edge.

“Do you like what you feel?” Toni finally spoke again once the pair had gotten to the center of the bed. At first Cheryl was confused and was about to answer as such, but then she felt a hand being place on her right breast. Her words were caught in her throat completely as the hand began to squeeze at the breast it had just grasped onto.

Toni continued to massage Cheryl’s breast into her hand over the top of her bra as her mouth found its way to Cheryl’s neck. With little hesitation, Toni began kissing at the base of Cheryl’s neck before working her way up to her pulse point.

Every few kisses lead to a nip from Toni’s teeth that only made Cheryl expose her neck even more. With Toni pampering her in such a way, Cheryl couldn't help the reflex of her hands finding their way onto Toni’s back, but the action quickly proved to be a bad one.

Toni halted everything she was doing in favor of pinning Cheryl’s hands to the bed. Cheryl gasped at the sudden move and winced as Toni began digging her nails into the flesh around her wrists.

“You don’t get to touch me. I don’t want you too. If I do, I’ll tell you, but until then keep your hands away from me.” Toni sounded angry. Cheryl was almost afraid as she shook her head in agreeance, but the soft look in Toni’s eyes as she kissed her lips calmed Cheryl. She understood why Toni was being like this, and she knew there was nothing to fear.

With Cheryl agreeing to her wishes, Toni went back to doing what she had been, but this time her free hand found itself roaming down Cheryl’s back. With each stroke Toni allowed her nails to press harder and harder into Cheryl’s skin.

Cheryl arched her back allowing Toni more access. In an odd way, knowing that this was somehow helping Toni made it more pleasurable. It was by no means what Cheryl was used to, but she didn’t quite mind it either.

As the strokes on her back reached the extent of what Toni was willing to do, Cheryl noticed that Toni’s hand had started inching further up her back. Without her having time to process, Cheryl felt her bra strap being unclasped and the hand being removed from over top her breast that had been receiving attention up until this point.

“This was in my way.” Toni spoke this more so to herself than Cheryl, but Cheryl still found herself nodding in agreement. With the upper undergarment removed, Cheryl found that the hand once on her right breast returned, but with the clothing barrier now removed the pleasure she achieved from it extended far beyond what it had before.

Toni looked at Cheryl and saw that her eyes had closed. She was content with this amount of pleasure. Toni didn’t want that. She wanted Cheryl to be overwhelmed.

Cheryl was just starting to feel comfortable when a new sensation hit her. Opening her eyes with a jolt, she glanced down and saw that Toni had placed her mouth onto the top of her left breast.

Even when they’d messed around in the past, Toni was never one to get very close and personal. She’d always been the type to want mutual touching and caring and Cheryl was fine with that. If both of them could be happy at once, it didn’t matter to her. This though, this was new.

As Toni got settled onto her place on Cheryl’s breast, she maneuvered her hand to be at an angle allowing her thumb to press onto Cheryl’s nipple. While this occurred, Toni began to swirl her tongue around the nipple her mouth was currently surrounding.

Cheryl was taken by the sensations she was feeling. She’d been with others during their time apart, both male and female, but nothing any of them had done felt this good. Cheryl felt herself let out a low groan in praise of Toni’s actions as she gripped onto the covers in an attempt not to touch Toni.

Hearing Cheryl, Toni smiled and continued her assault on Cheryl’s breast. A new found confidence surrounded Toni and she felt as though Cheryl was finally comfortable with everything that was going on. Knowing this, Toni no longer tried to restrain herself.

Cheryl was enjoying the current feelings she was having when a sharp pain was introduced to her left nipple. She quickly recognized this as Toni biting at her nipple and just as she was about to ask for the pain to stop, she felt Toni’s tongue swipe over the entire area numbing the pain she’d felt prior.

This continued for a while as Toni continued to press and push at the nipple on Cheryl’s right breast. All Cheryl could feel was the ever increasing sensation on her left breast. With every bite, her nipple became more sensitive which increased the pleasure given from the next bite.

Cheryl didn’t fail to notice the way her inner thighs had long ago begun to heat up to an unbearable temperature due to the attention her breasts were receiving. Toni didn’t fail to notice either as she lowered herself onto the core of the girl beneath her.

With a simple role of her hips Toni watched as Cheryl shuttered at the contact. Seeing this, she understood that a much different part of Cheryl needed her attention.

Toni took her time in disconnecting her hand from Cheryl’s right breast, but let go of her left with an abrupt pop. Slowly, Toni made her way down to Cheryl’s core. Cheryl was able to prop herself up on her elbows to watch as Toni made her decent.

“Now, now Cher. It seems like you’re a bit eager for something.” Toni spoke with the same tone that Cheryl had grown accustomed to whenever they were in situations like these. What Cheryl wasn’t used to was the slow swipe of Toni’s finger up her clothed slit.

“Toni - “ Cheryl let out the word in a breath as her head fell back onto the pillow behind her.

“What is it Cheryl?” Another swipe of Toni’s finger, this time going down, passed into Cheryl’s senses. "Is there something wrong?” This time nothing occurred. Cheryl looked up only as Toni completely cupped her sex into her hand.

“Toni please!” Cheryl screamed out as her head fell back onto the pillow and her hands returned to gripping at the covers beneath her.

“Not yet.” Toni hissed at Cheryl as she tightened her grip on Cheryl’s lower region. This led Cheryl to gasp as she bit her bottom lip.

Before Cheryl could open her eyes, she felt the bed move as Toni seemingly got off of it. This caused Cheryl to open her eyes in concern, but as she did, Cheryl was greeted with the sight of Toni removing the clothes she’d been wearing up until now.

The sight made Cheryl’s mouth dry and Toni practically saw it happen. Seeing that she had an audience, Toni took extra time in removing her bra and underwear. Cheryl didn’t take her eyes off the other girl even once.

“Like what you see?” Toni asked mocking Cheryl’s tone from earlier. Cheryl could do nothing but nod slowly as she watched Toni approach her. Toni crawled slowly back towards the area she’d left and removed the underwear still covering what she was after.

Cheryl could feel how wet she was at this point, but despite this internal knowledge, Toni didn’t seem to want to let her forget it.

“God Cheryl. If you were so excited you should have said something.” The lustful tone once again consumed Toni’s voice. Cheryl was very much in awe of the abrupt changes the girl could make, but didn’t mind a bit.

“Now, I’ve always wondered something.” Cheryl grew confused as Toni tilted her head as if gearing up to ask a question.

“I’ve always wondered if I could get you to beg for me to fuck you.”

Cheryl gulped at Toni’s words. The flood of wetness that coated her thighs was proof that Toni had gotten to her and Toni knew it.

“Don’t tell me you like dirty talk.” Toni asked cynically with another tilt of her head. Cheryl averted her eyes from Toni's as she attempted to control herself.

“What would the school say if they found out their sharp-tongued Bombshell, the Cheryl Blossom, was just a dirty little bitch begging to be fucked by yours truly? I’d say they’d be pretty shocked, wouldn’t you?” Cheryl had been so captured by Toni’s gaze that she’d neglected to notice the slow movement of Toni’s hand towards her core.

As soon as Toni finished her statement she grabbed onto Cheryl’s clit and roughly pinched it without any warning. Cheryl let out of scream followed by a moan as Toni began rubbing her clit between her fingers.

“Do you like that Cheryl? What about this?” Toni ran her finger closer and closer to Cheryl’s entrance but didn’t enter. Instead she circled around the outside careful not to go too far in as to not give Cheryl exactly what she wanted.

A moan escaped Cheryl’s lips as she clutched onto the sheets even harder than she had been. Part of her was determined to not give Toni the pleasure of making her beg though. She had to keep some semblance of pride. She was a Blossom afterall.

“You can’t fool me bitch. Your pretty little cunt isn’t helping you on that front.” Toni’s mouth was getting fouler and Cheryl couldn’t help but get turned on by it. Something about hearing a completely different side of Toni was so intriguing to her and her body showed it.

“All you have to do is beg. Then all of this can feel even better than it does now. All the teasing will stop. I promise.” Toni almost sounded sweet for a moment but another pinch of Cheryl’s clit led her to believe otherwise.

“Toni, please. Just hurry up.” Cheryl did her best attempt at begging, but it wasn’t exactly something that came naturally for her.

“Cher, I told you. I want begging. Not a request.” Toni sighed but quickly found herself moaning as Toni inserted her finger just a bit farther down into her core.

“Come on Cheryl, you know what you have to say.”

“God dammit! Fuck me Toni. Please just fuck me already!” Cheryl hoped that was enough. She didn’t think she could relinquish much more of her pride.

“Are you sure you can’t do better than that Bombshell?” Toni once again pinched her clit but this time, her other hand went up to start pinching at her nipple. Cheryl couldn’t take it anymore. She knew that if she wanted any relief she would have to do just as Toni wanted. Giving up on the idea of holding onto her pride, Cheryl tried once more.

“I want you to fuck me Toni. However you want, just fuck me already. I seriously can’t take this anymore.” Cheryl knew that it wasn’t perfect and that Toni was probably looking for specifics, but if she was being honest she genuinely didn’t care anymore.

“Always so indecisive, but fine.” Toni reluctantly agreed to allow Cheryl the relief she’d been asking for.

Without warning, Toni inserted three fingers into Cheryl. Cheryl barely had time to adjust before Toni started pumping at full speed. Cheryl started to meet Toni’s hand and the bed hit against the wall with every movement.

Cheryl released a moan as Toni managed to hit a particularly sensitive part of her and as Toni continued to hit that point, Cheryl felt her legs start to shake.

A swelling pressure rose in her stomach and as she took a breath a sudden burst came from her. Cheryl screamed Toni’s name as she came and attempted to control her breathing in spite of her body’s wishes.

As the aftershock of her orgasm ran through her, Cheryl began taking heavy breaths while her eyes remained closed. She felt the bed shift and lost all of her air when she felt Toni straddle her thigh. By doing this, Toni’s thigh also collided with Cheryl’s already sensitive core.

“Wait Toni, just give me a second.” Cheryl begged but Toni seemed unfazed. She began rubbing down on Cheryl’s thigh without a word of warning and with every movement, her own thigh pressed into Cheryl.

“Toni this is too much. I just - “ Cheryl released a high pitched scream as Toni increased her pressure and speed. At that point, Cheryl realized that any attempt at stopping Toni was out of reach.

The room was silent except for the sounds coming from either girl. No words were spoken and both preferred it that way. In little time, both girls found themselves at an orgasm that shook both of them by its intensity.

With both girls exhausted, Toni collapsed onto Cheryl and both fell asleep without much care for the mess they’d made or the emotions they’d have to talk about later.

Neither of the two girls in the room would admit it, but they hadn’t fallen asleep so easily in years. Both would later blame it on being exhausted, but internally, they knew it was because they were sleeping next to one another.

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

Assessment

assessment (n.)

the act of judging or assessing a person or situation or event

Raven Reyes thinks about her decisions

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This fic takes place right after 5x07 and it is LONG. 

This is Murven the way I want them - a slow burn with snark & sentimentality, and lots of alone time so they can figure out they’re crazy about each other!

Rated explicit/adult. Don’t own anything and this plot is full of tropes and curse words, because FUN.

All mistakes are my own & I see that all the italic words I used in this fic aren’t converting over on tumblr, no idea how to fix this so it loses a little in translation, sorry. 

See end for more notes

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Raven Reyes was having a shit couple of days, and she was getting damn tired of it. It’s late, and she lays on an uncomfortable cot in an old church building in the Shallow Valley, along with a handful of others who the Eligius crew has deemed as not-yet-trustworthy. Between the metal shock collar that chafes her neck and the countless thoughts running through her head, there’s no way she can sleep even though she wishes she could.

She spent so much time up in space fantasizing about what things would be like when they got to the ground again, but she’d never imagined any scenarios like this. During the six years they were all together on the Ring, she’d actually managed to forget most of the drama and stress that they’d previously experienced on Earth, but it had come rushing right back to her these last few days and her brain was still trying to work out how to handle it all.

Right, Raven - take a deep breath and assess the problems as they currently exist, she told herself. Okay, yeah, she could do that, she was good at that. The current issue at the top of her list was the little chat she’d had with Echo before lights-out. She had felt incredibly betrayed and conflicted when Echo had not abided by her demand to give her more time with Shaw, and her indignation had not lessened when she saw Shaw get dumped into the building earlier, clearly having been beat up and now essentially a prisoner himself. She had felt a lot of guilt at ratting him out to Diyoza, and was content to place the blame for that on Echo’s shoulders. She had taken such offense at Echo’s actions that she had rebuffed her friend when Echo had clearly made an attempt to talk, but she should have known that Echo wouldn’t give up that easily. Later that night when Raven had made her way back to the building after using the facilities that had been set up as a bathroom outside, Echo had made her move and pounced on her.

“I know you’re pissed, but you’ve got to hear me out.” Echo had demanded. Raven shrugged off the hand Echo had grasped her arm with, and started to stalk back towards the steps that led up to their temporary prison, but Echo anticipated that and moved in to stop her.

“No, Echo, I’m not interested in anything you have to say right now, and if you’re smart, you won’t push me!” Raven spit out.

“I don’t care if you don’t want to hear it, Raven, but you’re going to listen anyway.” And while she spoke, Echo dragged Raven over to a small stand of trees at the side of the building that would give them some cover if anyone happened to look their way. “Look, I get it - I went against your wishes and not only did that make you furious with me, but my decision hurt someone that you view as a potential ally around here. You asked me to give you time, but even if had wanted to, I couldn’t do that, Raven, and you know it!”

Raven refused to meet Echo’s eyes. Logically, she knew Echo had a point, but she wasn’t used to people ignoring her opinion. “Echo - you could have let me talk to Shaw more! I know he’s on our side and he could have found a way to help us get into their computers!”

“You’re probably right. Maybe Shaw would have found a way, but that would have meant more time would have passed and I couldn’t bet on that. Raven, you know Bellamy and Monty were waiting for us to get them eyes over here, and the longer we took to do it, the more danger they could have been in and the greater the possibility that we’d get caught with that chip. I’m not going to take that chance, not even when it’s you who was asking me to. I hope you can understand that… and I have to be honest, I don’t get why you were willing to risk our friends for the sake of this guy, Shaw, who might not even prove to be useful to us.” Echo stared uncompromisingly at her, and Raven struggled to answer, because she wasn’t even sure how to explain it herself.

“I can’t explain it, other than to say that I just feel like if we give Shaw a chance, he could really come through for us. I watched him on that video when the Eligius was taken over and my instincts say he’s not like the rest of them.” Raven shrugged.

Echo was silent for a few moments, then sighed. “Raven, I hope you know what you’re doing. Shaw might not be as bad as the rest of some of these people, but you told me yourself that his actions were why you and Murphy got tortured. You and Murphy could have died! He looked like shit when we found him in the woods, and he was really worried about leaving you behind! And from the looks of both of you, I don’t think Shaw stopped that torture very quickly, you know… It seems to me that it’s pretty likely Shaw would be in the loop when it comes to the missiles that Diyoza has too - it’s hard to imagine that he’s going to go against everyone he knows and his place in this group just for someone he’s only just met. You might want to believe the best in people, but I’ve got to go with what I know - and what I know is that I’ll do what I need to do to protect who I care about, even if it means you won’t forgive me for it.” Echo smiles sadly, an eyebrow arched as if to dare Raven to deny it.

Raven inhaled sharply. When faced with Echo’s perspective, it did sound like she was being the unreasonable one, when Echo’s quick actions clearly were the best choice to protect their friends. She could admit that maybe she’d been too emotionally involved, so she reached for Echo’s hand and squeezed it tightly for a moment. “I’m sorry, Echo, I let some of my own personal stuff get in the way of the goal, and I’m glad you kept focused. We’re good - no hard feelings on my part, okay?” She grinned at Echo to show her sincerity and was pleased when Echo smiled back at her.  

Raven had then gone inside, and Echo had followed a little while later. Diyoza had a pretty strict lights-out policy in place for the defector’s group, so it wasn’t long until everyone made their way to their cots for the night. As Raven replayed the conversation in her head, she felt unsettled again at how her behavior looked through Echo’s eyes. By asking for more time in order to involve Shaw in the plans to get to a computer, she could see now that it would have added a day, maybe even two, to the process, and that was time that they all just didn’t have. Why had she done that? It wasn’t like her to rule out the most direct solution to a problem, and yet that was essentially what she had done. She rolled over on the cot, trying to get more comfortable as she considered her actions.

She’d told Echo the truth about her impression of Shaw, but it wasn’t just based on what she’d seen on the Eligius video during the hostile takeover of the past crew. She’d also seen it after Shaw had forced McCreary out of the cell at gunpoint after the torture session. She’d been so desperate to get to Murphy right away that she hadn’t noticed it at first, but when Shaw confessed that he had been the one behind locking out the missiles, she saw a spark of guilt in him and knew that she could talk him into helping them, if she could just have the time to convince him. And he’d gone through with it, he’d helped get Murphy out even though that damn shock collar was still on him, and Raven had felt such utter relief that Murphy was going to be out of the reach of McCreary and she knew she felt grateful to Shaw for that. Was she letting her gratitude unduly influence her opinion of Shaw? Maybe… She remembered telling Murphy & Shaw about her ‘better plan’, and Shaw didn’t disagree, although Murphy sure had. When she told them that her plan meant that Murphy would escape and she’d stay behind, she was recalling the glint of absolute madness that McCreary had in his eyes while holding that knife to Murphy’s neck. She would have done anything in that moment to keep him safe, and if she really had been behind the computer lock-out, she would have confessed to McCreary right then without a second thought. So when an idea started to formulate that would get Murphy away from McCreary and back to their friends, Raven definitely felt it was a win-win. Murphy, however, had absolutely refused to leave her behind and it was only when Raven wouldn’t back down and Shaw had sided with her that Murphy had started to at least consider it as an option. So yeah, there was gratitude, alright.

And as much as it made her feel a little embarrassed, there was also an appreciation for Shaw’s intelligence when it came to all the hacking maneuvers they’d gone back and forth on. No doubt, her friends were all clever, but often in their own specialties and it had been a long time since she’d had someone to challenge her in that particular way. It did give her a bit of a thrill to have to think on her feet and stay one step ahead of the then unknown operator on the other end of the computer. But did gratitude & a grudging respect for tech skills explain why she had been so quick to want to bring him into her circle? Partly, she guessed… but as she stretched out her legs on the cot, she knew it went even deeper still.

Okay, Raven, if we’re gonna do this whole self-reflection thing instead of sleep, better at least be honest about it, she thought to herself. Her urge to involve him in their plan could also be traced to the fact that she found him attractive. There, she’d confessed to it. She found Shaw appealing when she got around to actually noticing - at first she was pretty distracted by the torture he was present for, and come to think of it, what did that say about HER, that she could be attracted to someone that had been involved in that? Echo was right that Shaw hadn’t stopped it immediately - and she had obviously been suffering. Was it wrong of her to find him attractive after that? She wasn’t sure what it meant about the kind of person she was, but she was inclined to be a little easy on herself this time around. Being in space for six years had given her a lot of time to get to know Harper, Monty, Emori, Echo, Bellamy and Murphy, but it had also given her a lot of time to know herself too. Yeah, she could hold a grudge sometimes, but for the most part she was a pretty forgiving person - holding on to negativity wasn’t what she wanted and it made more sense to let things go and reach for happiness instead. She grinned to herself, thinking about Sinclair and how he had been such a big influence on her to help teach her that outlook. So she guessed it was pretty quick that she’d moved past Shaw’s role in her and Murphy’s torture, but she hadn’t honestly forgotten it either.

She realized that the reality of her situation was that she was a young woman who had been celibate for far too long and she couldn’t help who she was attracted to. And no, she didn’t deliberately choose it, but she is attracted to Shaw. Selfishly, maybe she was thinking less about her friends and more about the opportunity to spend time with Shaw trying to come up with a plan together. She wasn’t proud of her actions upon reflection, but she could concede that she had been thinking with her libido and not with her brain. And no matter how inviting she found Shaw, she wouldn’t let that happen again, not when there was so much at stake. She punched the sad excuse for a pillow on her cot and rolled to her side, determined to shut off her brain and get some sleep.

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The next day passed slowly. Raven made several attempts to talk to Shaw but made no real progress with him. He was understandably angry with her and once she had realized Echo’s actions were the right call, she was sorry he’d been hurt but couldn’t be sorry that they’d accomplished the goal of accessing the computer system. She was hopeful that Monty was using the information they now could access to create a plan to both rescue her and Echo, as well as to find a way to undermine Diyoza and her hold on Shallow Valley. From what Raven could see, Clarke had sure made a beautiful home here for herself and the young girl, Madi. Echo had told her briefly that Clarke had spent the years on Earth alongside Madi, and she couldn’t wait to meet her. Finding out that Clarke had been alive this whole time had amazed her, and she was so relieved that Clarke hadn’t been alone while her friends had been in space together and her mom had been underground. When she and Murphy had heard Clarke’s voice over the comms, she could scarcely believe it was real. She had carried such guilt about Clarke during the long duration they were in space - she honestly felt that if the group hadn’t had to come back to Becca’s lab to get her, maybe Clarke would have had enough time to climb the tower and make it back safely. She and Bellamy had both grieved for Clarke on the Ring, but Raven’s sadness was always tinged with guilt, especially when she saw how difficult it was for Bellamy.

But now, knowing Clarke was alive and they were finally all on Earth again together... Raven was looking forward to the future more than she had in a long time. If anyone could come up with a plan to save them all, it would be Clarke and Bellamy. And, she grinned to herself, she’d probably be able to add a few details to it once they retrieved her and Echo. Her fingers itched to get to work on building things and repairing what was broken.

Raven decided to see if she would be allowed to go over to the structure that Abby was using as a medical clinic. She had been thrilled to see both Kane & Abby in the camp, even though she knew they were prisoners just like she was. If she was lucky, maybe she could get a chance to talk to Abby and see if they had any idea what the next steps would be. She spoke to the guard at the top of the steps and was pleased to see him nod when she made her request. He pointed to Abby’s hut, which was at the edge of the woods, farther away from the main camp and outbuildings. Raven walked slowly over, happy to take in the scenery and how beautiful everything was. The scents of the grass and trees surrounded her, and she could see flowers and berry bushes growing all around. There were bushes with purple berries growing alongside the foundation of the clinic, and Raven hoped they’d turn out to be edible. Even if they ended up being sour, they had to beat algae! No doubt about it, the environment was certainly idyllic, and Raven couldn’t help but hope nothing would happen to it in the absurd fight for dominance that was currently underway between all the survivors.

Raven climbed up the steps and carefully opened the door. “Abby? Are you here?” She glanced around the small space, taking in the various medical equipment that was accumulating inside, probably brought over from the ship that had brought Raven and Murphy to the ground.

“Raven, is that you?” Abby called out as she came out from behind a screen that had been arranged in the back corner of the room. “What a nice surprise!” She moved towards Raven and embraced her, much as she had in the moments they first saw each other when Raven had been escorted through the camp.

“I was wondering if you might like some company?” Raven pulled back slightly and smiled shyly at Abby.

“From you? Always!” Abby laughed, and turned back towards a table along the side wall. “Will you help me disinfect the equipment over here and we can catch up?”

“Gladly! I’m going crazy without something for my hands to do!” joked Raven. “So tell me - were you able to actually speak real words when you saw Clarke or were you as stunned as I was to hear she was alive?”

Abby turned towards Raven, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. Raven reached over and clenched Abby’s hand tightly. “I never let myself think that she hadn’t survived, but still… to see her there in front of me after so long...it was like a dream.” Abby sniffed, a few tears trailing down her face.

Raven’s eyes were bright too. “I know, I couldn’t believe it at first either. I heard her voice come over the comms and I could barely say anything. Abby, for so long I’d grieved for her - I really thought she was gone -” Raven abruptly broke off and sobbed. Abby carefully folded Raven in her arms again, rubbing her back gently.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, Raven. We’ve got her back now and as soon as we can, we’ll all be together again. I’m not going to let anything prevent that from happening. We’ve all been through so much.” She handed Raven a tissue and Raven blotted her eyes and laughed.

“Listen to me, getting all mushy! I actually didn’t come here to have a good cry, if you can believe it! Let’s get these instruments cleaned up and you can tell me what’s happened to you and Kane these last few years. I hope you guys had better food options than space algae!” Raven jested and moved towards the table again and didn’t notice Abby’s shoulders stiffen.

Abby strode over to Raven’s left and picked up a pair of surgical scissors. “Besides not being a fan of the food, it must have been hard to be in the Ring again after having had time on Earth, wasn’t it?”

Raven looked thoughtful for a moment and opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by a scratching noise coming from somewhere near the floor. She looked briefly at Abby, eyebrows lifted in surprise. Abby gestured for Raven to keep talking as she passed her a scalpel and moved towards the sound. Raven babbled about what she missed on the ground while she tiptoed closer, and together the two women watched as a small section of the floor started to rise. They exchanged a quick glance of trepidation before preparing for attack.

“Raven? I know you’re in here, where are you?” a hushed voice murmured, and an agile body stretched through the small opening, stood up and turned around.

“Murphy!” Raven gasped, and launched herself across the room at him. He caught her and encircled her tightly in his arms, and Raven fiercely hugged him back, elated to see him. He smelled like grass and wood smoke and fresh air and Murphy and there was an undeniable relief within her that he was okay and had actually made it back to her.

Refusing to let him go, Raven erupted with questions. “What are you doing here? Are you okay? How did you find me? What’s the plan? Let me look at you!” She wriggled backwards slightly and tilted her chin up to gaze at him. He still had bruises everywhere, including a black eye and a split lip. “Oh, your poor face.” She grimaced in empathy.

“I don’t know, I think it makes me look kind of dangerous.” He quipped. And then there it was, that Murphy smirk that she had come to know so well, and it was only on seeing it now that she realized how close she’d come to losing him. Raven tugged him down towards her again and rested her cheek on his shoulder.

“I was worried about you.” She murmured. And she felt his arms clench more snugly around her and his voice was low in her ear as he spoke. “I was worried about you, too.” Raven sighed, content to stay where she was for the moment, but then she and Murphy both heard a throat clearing behind them and turned in tandem to address Abby, who had a bemused look on her face as she took them both in.

“John, I was so happy to hear you had made it up to space with Raven and Bellamy and the rest of your friends. It’s good to see you.” Abby gently pulled Murphy into a hug, and Raven was glad to see that Murphy returned it with genuine affection.

“Abby, it’s nice to see you, too. Clarke told me to give you her love.”

“You’ve seen Clarke?” Abby exclaimed. “When? Is she okay?”

“She was fine, last I saw her. Before I tell you both what’s going on, I don’t want to get caught in here. You two make yourselves busy over near that screen in the corner - I’ll go behind it and fill you in, just in case someone comes in the door.”

Raven and Abby scrambled to follow Murphy’s directions, both of them anxious to hear the latest news. Abby pulled a cart closer to the screen and she and Raven picked up some of the medical tools again to disinfect, and Murphy gave them his update.

“Raven, Echo probably told you that they found me in the woods, but the shock collar didn’t allow me outside a certain range of the forest. So I sent the rest of them on to warn Bellamy about the missiles but Emori stayed with me to help get the collar off. She figured out a way to do it but not until after we already had McCreary and a few others on our tail.”

A dismayed sound came from Raven’s throat, and Murphy met her eyes. “Don’t worry - we took a page from your book and used some of the remaining rocket fuel to make a bomb. We thought we might have killed them all, but McCreary was only unconscious, not dead.” Raven released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. McCreary was beyond treacherous and she wouldn’t regret him coming to any harm.

Murphy held her gaze. “I wanted to kill him, but Emori convinced me we could use him as a hostage.” Raven swallowed hard. She knew Murphy, too, was remembering that frightening and horrific torture session. She still felt it sometimes, buzzing painfully through her nervous system, and sometimes at night the image of the knife pressed to Murphy’s throat flashed among her dreams.

Her hand floated up towards the collar still around her neck, but before she touched it, it sank back down to the table. Murphy clenched his jaw and then looked towards Abby. “Emori and I managed to get McCreary back to Polis as a hostage, and that’s where I saw Clarke. Bellamy told me what had been going on there and that Echo had defected to Shallow Valley. Clarke drew me a map and told me about the trap door in the floor of this hut and when I saw that you were both inside, I snuck out of the woods to get in here. We made a plan and it starts now. I’m here to take you back to Polis, Raven.”

“What, wait, right now?” Raven was feeling somewhat dazed. “I still have this collar! Kane and Abby and Echo are still here. And Shaw, I can’t leave him here, Murphy, despite what he did.”

Murphy’s gaze was hard. “Emori showed me how to disable the collar, and this isn’t going to be negotiable. Clarke, Bellamy and I actually agreed on something for once - that you’re too valuable a hostage to stay here. At any hint of action by Wonkru, Diyoza won’t hesitate to use that brain of yours to outsmart everyone, Raven, and you know it! They need Abby to cooperate with them - they won’t harm her or Kane because of that. But Diyoza knows you and I were alone together on the Eligius, and she knows you’re involved somehow with Clarke and Bellamy too - they’ll use you against us and we won’t risk that.”

Abby pleaded with her. “He’s right, Raven - Diyoza needs me and she’s developed an… interest in Kane. She knows if something happens to him, I won’t help them. We’re relatively safe here because of that, but you’re not. You need to go with Murphy.”

“But we can’t leave Echo behind! She won’t even know what happened to me if I leave right now.” Raven bit her lip, attempting to think of yet another plan that wouldn’t involve leaving someone behind this time.

Murphy straightened his shoulders and faced her with an uncompromising set to his chin. “Reyes. We can have Abby inform Echo somehow if it’s really bothering you, but even if I have to gag you and throw you over my shoulder, I’m taking you out of here. Clarke warned me not to let you try any of this sacrificial bullshit of yours and I won’t ever be leaving you behind again. Put your emotions aside for a moment and think. You know this is the right call. So get over here and let me take that collar off you.”

Raven struggled to keep her face neutral. Of course, she knew Murphy could be just as stubborn as she was, but she could see that this time, there would be no prodding him to come around to her point of view, no matter how hard she tried. He was firmly and thoroughly convinced that his way was the best way, and she could either waste time arguing or accept that maybe he and Abby - and Clarke and Bellamy too, she supposed - were actually right.

“Fine.” She huffed, and strode over to where Murphy was concealed behind the screen. “Let’s get this collar off of me then.”

Murphy regarded her a bit distrustfully. “I thought it would be a lot harder than that to convince you. I must be more persuasive than I thought.” She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, but she couldn’t help the small smile that crept over her face at his words.

“Don’t expect it to be a regular occurance.” She sassed, and lifted the hair from the back of her neck so it was held away from the collar. “Do you know what you’re doing or should I brace myself for a few shocks?”

She almost laughed out loud at the wounded look on Murphy’s face. “Hey, I can do things! I just have to want to do them. Now get ready to owe me a huge apology.” And he pulled a few tools from a pocket in his pants and leaned closer to her. She could feel his warm breath on her neck as he carefully removed the cover, and his left hand came to rest firmly on her shoulder as he helped hold her still. She peeked up at Murphy from under her lashes and felt a fluttering in her stomach at the fierce gleam in his eyes. Raven concentrated on breathing in and out calmly, and slowly her own eyes drifted shut.

After what couldn’t have been more than ten minutes, Raven heard the collar click open and she took her first deep breaths in what felt like ages. She felt Murphy’s hand move briefly to the back of her neck where the chafing felt the worst and he softly smoothed his fingers over the redness there. She leaned in to his touch, enjoying the sensation until he seemed to remember himself and jerked his hand away, focusing instead on putting his tools back in his pocket.

“Thanks, Murphy. You were right - I shouldn’t have questioned your ability to get that off without killing me.” Raven teased.

Murphy’s eyebrow rose in her direction. “Damn. First you agree to follow my instructions instead of your own, and now you’re admitting that I was right about something - we’d better get out of here before you jinx everything.” He then got very serious, and turned to Abby. “If we’re lucky, we’ll have some time before anyone comes looking for her. I want you to tell them that she discovered this trap door, and despite your best attempts to stop her, she went through it to try and escape. They’ll be angry that you didn’t tell them right away but I don’t think they’ll come down too hard on you because they want you to keep cooperating with them. If you can manage to get word to Echo without being obvious, let her know that Raven’s with me and we have a plan. Echo knows how to take care of herself. I can’t say how soon we’ll be back, but keep watch for us.” Abby nodded and reached out to squeeze Raven’s hand.

Murphy then turned towards Raven and his tone is firm. “I don’t want them to know anyone’s with you, Raven, so when we crawl under the floor and get to the woods, I want you to step exactly where I do. I’ll change my stride to accommodate yours until we get farther away from the camp. When they notice you’re gone, Diyoza will send less people after you if she thinks you’re on your own. They’ll underestimate you anyway, but our odds will be even better if they don’t realize you’ve got a partner. Got it? Step in my footprints.”

Raven found herself taken aback by the confidence Murphy was displaying. It wasn’t that she didn’t have faith in him, because she knew he actually had hidden depths. But this was a far cry from the guy who had isolated himself on the Ring so recently and did his best to push them all away. She tilted her head up and replied. “Okay, got it.”

“Take these.” Murphy bent down and pushed up one leg of his pants, revealing a sharp knife with a strong handle strapped to his calf. He handed it to her and then reached for his waistband where he removed a small gun from a holder there, and passed that to her as well. “Don’t use the gun unless it’s a last resort. Let’s go.” He ambled over to the trap door and dropped to his stomach as he lifted it slightly and looked through the crack. Assured that nothing was disturbed, he stood and reached for Raven’s arm to help her step down.

Raven’s eyes swept to Abby’s, who had moved closer to say goodbye, and she gave her a quick one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Be careful, Abby. I’ll see you soon.” And then she awkwardly climbed under the floor, disappearing from view.

Murphy moved to follow her, but Abby’s hand on his forearm stopped him. Abby’s eyes were knowing as she implored him. “Keep her safe, John.”

Murphy didn’t flinch under her gaze. He nodded brusquely and in a low voice, replied “I will.”.

****************************

Raven didn’t know how long they’d been moving through the woods. They hadn’t stopped at all since they had made it to the edge of the forest behind Abby’s medical hut. Raven had painstakingly stepped in Murphy’s shallow footprints until he’d finally whispered that she could adjust her stride to her own. She was out of breath and her leg was aching - being stuck as a prisoner in a small camp hadn’t allowed for much exercise and she could feel that her body wasn’t as limber as it had been on the Ring, with daily workouts or sparring instruction from Echo.

“Here, behind this trunk, we can take a short break.” Murphy gestured to a large tree that would effectively cover their backs if they sat or stood against it, and Raven immediately slid down to the ground with a groan. She hadn’t noticed it before, but Murphy shrugged a small pack off his back and pulled out a canteen of water. Raven reached for it and eagerly took a deep gulp, so thirsty that she didn’t care how greedy she looked.

Murphy shook his head at her and drawled, “Guess that means you might be hungry too?” and passed her a small paper covered bundle. Raven’s fingers quickly unwrapped it and to her delight found a red apple. She immediately took a big bite, and mouth full, she practically hummed with pleasure. “Oh my god, this is fantastic! So much better than algae! Here, Murphy, take a bite!” and she held out the shiny apple towards him.

Murphy hesitated but then gingerly leaned forward and pressed his mouth over her own teeth marks, all the while never losing eye contact with her. Her hand trembled for a moment, and she had a sudden compulsion to use her thumb to wipe a droplet of the apple’s juice from his bottom lip. She squelched down the impulse and smiled at him instead, getting her bearings back. “If I knew you had this apple in your pack, I would have been willing to come with you right away.”

“I should’ve known you’d be motivated by food. I’ll remember that the next time I want something from you.” Was she reading into things or did that comment feel like Murphy might be toying with her? Raven felt off-kilter, so she looked down at the apple in her hand and quietly took another bite. She could feel Murphy watching her from the corner of her eye.

After a few moments passed in silence, Murphy announced “It won’t be much longer. There are a lot of caves around here. We’ll make it look like we’ve gone into one of them in case someone manages to track us, but I don’t want to get boxed in. When I was heading towards you, I found a large fallen tree that should make a decent shelter for us, with a little work. It’ll give us more options for escape if we need it.”

“Are we going to be here a while?” Raven was glad to be free of the collar, but there was something to be said for clean water, showers and plentiful food back in Diyoza’s camp. She handed the canteen back and watched Murphy swallow his own gulp before he pushed the container into the satchel.

“Naw, we just have to stick it out for a day or two until it’s the window Clarke gave me for the best estimate of when to start the journey through the sand. Apparently being down here the last few years has taught her how to ‘read’ the sandstorms so we can avoid them.” Murphy slid his arms through the pack and reached down to help Raven up. “It will be dark soon. We won’t be able to make a fire tonight but I don’t think that the Eligius crew will be that interested in exploring unknown areas with no daylight.”

Raven winced as she put her weight back onto both legs. Yeah, this wasn’t going to be easy. She needed to get back into a stretching routine, but for the next few days she could anticipate more pain than normal, both due to some nerve damage that she had probably sustained during the shock collar torture and from not keeping up with the strict yoga routine she’d created for herself in space. It didn’t help that she had forgotten how hard it was to balance on the uneven terrain of Earth - the Ring was full of smooth surfaces where she didn’t have to compensate as much for her damaged leg.

She sensed Murphy’s eyes on her as she steeled herself for the remaining journey to come. She offered him a small smile, and was relieved when he returned it.

“Okay?” he asked, and she felt the need to reassure him.

“Of course, because I’m awesome!” Raven winked at Murphy and she felt a little flip in her belly when he winked back.

**************************************

A few hours later, she was pretty sure that she had spoken too soon. She had gone from awesome to awful but was doing her best not to let it show. She was flooded with relief when she spotted a fallen tree and noticed Murphy slowed down his steps.

“Yeah, this is it. We’ll be here for a while now. When I crossed over the sands to get here, I left another pack partially buried nearby. I’ll grab it - it has more water, some blankets, other supplies. You sit and get off your leg - I know it’s bothering you more than you’re letting on.” Murphy dragged over a small log to where she had basically just collapsed, and he lifted her ankle to raise her foot up. “Better try to keep the swelling down as much as we can. I’ll get the camp situated.”

Raven wanted to protest, to say that she could pull her own weight… but the truth was, she was exhausted and sore. And if Murphy wanted to do this for her, why shouldn’t she let him? She knew that if the situation was reversed and he needed the rest, she’d willingly take care of him too. “Thanks, Murphy.” She smiled at him, and wondered what was happening back at Shallow Valley. Had Abby gotten in trouble over her disappearance? Did Echo know she was with Murphy? And Shaw - was he thinking about her and hoping she escaped, or was he still holding a grudge over what she and Echo had done? She leaned her head back on the trunk and let her thoughts carry her away.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but she must have fallen asleep, because Murphy was rubbing her arm and calling her name. He had two plates piled with berries, more apple slices, leaves and some kind of jerky and he placed one next to her. By now it was full dark, and the tree canopy concealed much of the night sky. She tore into the food voraciously, giggling a little at her lack of self-control.

“As much as I complained about Monty’s algae, I really did forget how enjoyable it is to actually eat. I can’t believe how amazing it is to taste all these flavors.” She was talking with her mouth full again, but she didn’t think Murphy minded.

“Yeah, well don’t think this is how it’ll be in Polis. They have more variety than we did on the Ring, but it’s definitely not on par with Shallow Valley or what we could forage for here in the woods. We’ll also have to ration a little bit to make sure we have enough food & water to get through the sands. So try to fill up now - there’s more berries around here and probably more edible leaves too - we can get more in the morning.”

They chewed in a companionable silence and it wasn’t long before they were both finished and passed the canteen between them. She was surprised to notice that the water had a delicious minty tang that wasn’t there before, one that reminded her of a time that seemed a lifetime ago. Murphy must have been watching for her reaction, because he explained. “Clarke remembered how much you liked mint leaves, so she packed some for you from her own supplies.”

At that, Raven didn’t know if it was a laugh or a sob that escaped her throat. “I can’t wait to see her.” She hums and squeezes her eyes shut. She didn’t want to cry, thinking of Clarke. She turned to Murphy. “Can you believe we’re really here? That we finally got down to Earth? I know it’s not exactly going like we dreamed, but there were times I really wondered if it was ever going to happen. I actually had a few moments where I was pretty convinced it was never going to happen, did you?”

“No, not really. I always knew you’d find some way to get us back, even when you were frustrated and spent most of your days scowling at everyone. I mean, look at all the evidence that points to Raven Reyes solving problem after problem on Earth and in space. We’d all be dead a few times over if you hadn’t come up with a bunch of plans to save our asses. I don’t know why you doubted yourself.”

Raven felt her cheeks heating up at Murphy’s words. It warmed her, to know that Murphy’s trust in her abilities hadn’t wavered. “Murphy, don’t tell me you’re getting soft in your old age! That almost sounded like a compliment.”

Murphy’s lips twisted into his familiar smirk. “C’mon, Reyes, everybody knows you’re the brain of our little delinquent group, and the rest of us are just here to serve.”

She shrugs and gathers his empty plate, wiping them off with a small rag. “Who am I to pass up such devotion? Besides, I can’t help that whatever genetics I’ve got resulted in this package of fantastic.” She let her hand slide down her side as if to say, see, I just can’t help it.

His eyes followed the movement of her hand before flicking back up to her face. She wasn’t sure, with the darkness around them, but there was a glimpse of something burning in his eyes as he watched her.  “And modesty too. If only we all could be so fortunate.” He abruptly rolled to his feet, gesturing off into the trees. “Head that way if you want the facilities before bed. I’m going to take watch for a while just to make sure no one’s close, but I set quite a few snares around that will make noise if they’re triggered, so we should both be able to get some rest tonight.” He wandered off into the trees without a look back.

Raven felt a little disconcerted. She and Murphy had built a solid friendship between them over the years, based on a shared love for insults, sarcasm and a willingness to be brutally honest with each other. He was dependable, unpretentious, and surprisingly funny. He made her laugh when she was taking things too seriously and she looked forward to spending time with him. They had a mutual habit of zoning out and rolling their eyes together whenever Bellamy would get up on his soapbox during the long years in space, but she knew she and Murphy both would have had some harsh words for anyone else who dared such insolence. Bellamy was like the sibling that they were allowed to mock, but no one else. Now that she thought about it, he’d really become her closest friend out of everyone on the Ring. They had come a long way since they had first met, but she wasn’t as surprised about their friendship as maybe others would have been. Even when she had had so much anger towards him for shooting her, she knew he had regretted that she had gotten caught up in his wrath, and he had tried, in his way, to make amends. She had long since forgiven him for that, and anyway, she knew her own actions towards Murphy hadn’t always been fair either.

But in hindsight, things had been more strained between she and Murphy since the last break-up between him and Emori. They had been on again and off again more times than she could count in the six years they spent in space together, and she had always played the arbitrator between the two. But then Emori had asked if she could move in to Raven’s room, and things had seemed more final than ever before. She wasn’t sure what had happened between them, but Murphy had isolated himself more and more, and while she had to laugh at his ability to ‘steal’ one whole half of the ship for himself, it had hurt that he had rebuffed her attempts to draw him out. When he had unexpectedly decided to stay behind with her while the others attempted to make it down to Earth, she had both wanted to strangle him and hug him fiercely for not leaving her alone.

Then despite the heavy responsibility on their shoulders, they had fallen back into their normal routine - having fun, hurling insults and enjoying each other’s company again. She had her friend back and she couldn’t regret that even though part of her wished he was safe on the ground with the others. And when he had told her that he’d take the burden of killing all the prisoners if it had to be done… well, she didn’t even know how to respond to that. It was an incredible gift he was giving her and she was so grateful that all the words she could think to say got stuck in her throat. Of course, everything went to shit soon after that and then sheer terror was her mindset for a while.

She shook her head, trying to shake the memories of their shared torture away. She gracelessly stood up and collected the remnants of their dinner, packing everything away into Murphy’s satchel in case they needed to make a quick getaway during the night. She limped closer to the fallen tree trunk and saw that close to the base, there was a rough hollow that had been dug out from the dirt that must have happened when the tree crashed down. It was a tight space but she could understand why Murphy had chosen it. It was impossible to see until you were practically on top of it, and even then it was camouflaged with debris. If the two of them crawled into the hole and laid down, they would disappear from sight, and it was deep enough to stay dark and conceal any movement. Raven sighed. It was definitely less appealing than the cot she had been on just the night before, but to his credit, Murphy had strewn a pile of leaves around at the bottom and then covered them with a blanket, in hopes of making it at least slightly more comfortable.

She walked off in the direction Murphy had pointed to for bathroom purposes, and when she returned, he still hadn’t made an appearance. She tossed the backpack into the hollow and lowered herself down after it. She found another folded blanket on top of the one that had been spread out, pulled it over herself in anticipation of a cold night and tried to find a cozy position. She could tell it was going to be kind of awkward once Murphy descended into the space but there was nothing to be done about it. Honestly, without the shared body heat they’d both probably suffer. She could totally be mature about it and not be on edge over having to sleep with someone else for the first time in six plus years of her life. Get a grip, Raven, she told herself. You fell asleep watching movies a few times on the Ring and you weren’t alone. Once you even woke up in the middle of the night to find that your head was on Murphy’s shoulder and you had drooled all over his shirt. But we weren’t alone then, she remembered. Emori had been on Murphy’s other side that night. Raven sighed and mentally chastised herself. It was fine and she was making a big deal about nothing. Best to just go to sleep and give her leg a rest. She pulled the blanket higher to her chin and closed her eyes.

It might have been about an hour later when Murphy cautiously crawled in next to her. Her eyes immediately shot open. She wasn’t sure if awkward even covered it - when the hell had he gotten so large? It was like he sucked up all the space available and she could swear that the temperature in the dirt-lined hideout ratcheted up sharply.

“Sorry it’s so close in here.” He whispered as he tried to settle in. “Best I could find on short notice.”

“It’s okay.” She squeaked, then licked her lips and tried again. “But I think if this is going to work, we’re both going to have to lay on our sides.” She heard Murphy hum in agreement and she rolled from her back to her right side. At least this position would also take a little weight off her left leg. She was aware of Murphy moving behind her and she felt him tug the blanket to adjust it over both of them. She realized with embarrassment that her heart was wildly hammering in her chest and she hoped he couldn’t hear it. Yeah, falling asleep like this was pretty unlikely. She felt tense all over and tried to remind herself it was only Murphy, for god’s sake.

Murphy slung his left arm around her waist and his voice rumbled low in her ear. “Alright, Reyes, let’s just both acknowledge this is a little weird. Close your eyes and pretend you’re dreaming about Roan or some shit.” And Raven literally snorted in response.

“Oh my god, Murphy, what the hell!” She half turned to look over her shoulder at him in disbelief.

“Hey, the guy was hot! Even I can admit that. Nothing wrong with a few fantasies. He liked to wear fur - lots of people like that kind of thing.” Raven burst out laughing at Murphy’s defensive justification for finding Roan sexy, but he wasn’t wrong. She moved her arm over his where it rested along her waist and pinched his wrist, her lips curled in a fond smile. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you like it.” And he shifted just a fraction closer, his chest pressed to her back, and she thinks to herself yes, I do like it, but she huffs indignantly instead of saying so. And as her eyes drift shut, she realizes she’s no longer tense.

*******************************

Raven wakes abruptly and is momentarily unsure of where she is. It comes back to her when she feels Murphy’s strong body stretched out behind her. She doesn’t know why she woke up so unexpectedly, considering she’s actually very comfortable and warm under the blanket and with Murphy’s arm along her waist still. But then she hears it, the sharp intake of air and the slight whine that rips from Murphy’s throat, and she realizes he must be having a nightmare. She tries to turn towards him to see if she can calm him, but his arm tenses at her hip and pins her firmly down. She uses her own arm to gently lift his, and rolls over in his embrace to face him and squeeze his shoulder. “Murphy, Murphy, it’s okay, wake up.”

His legs twitch against hers and as she repeats his name, she can feel his whole body stiffen as he suddenly wakes. She can’t see them, but Raven knows his eyes are frantic. “Hey, you must have been having a bad dream. Are you okay?” She wants to soothe him but knows her own nightmares are a sensitive subject for her, so she decides in advance not to take offense if he won’t open up.

“Sorry I woke you.” And there’s that unyielding tone in his gruff voice again, and she knows it means he doesn’t want to talk about it. “I’ll be fine.” Raven can just imagine the hard set to his jaw, his face all sharp lines and angles, so she rubs her hands along his arms, knowing it will make her feel better too.

“I have them too, you know...about lots of things.” Her voice feels thick and she squeezes her eyes shut. “About the Mountain Men taking my bone marrow… when Lexa thought I tried to poison her and then she cut me over and over...everything with A.L.I.E... what happened to Finn, to Sinclair, what I thought happened to Clarke… and I didn’t see it, but I know what happened to Luna and I miss her, I miss them all! And then I was so sc-scared of McCreary and I thought he was going to kill you...” She fists her hands to her eyes, spent, and feels Murphy gently tip her head against his shoulder, and then she can’t help it, she just sobs and the tears pour out. He rubs her back and lets her grieve, and after an inordinate amount of time, she feels like even though her eyes hurt and her throat is sore, she actually feels better somehow.

Raven sniffs self-consciously. “Well, that got out of hand. I was trying to make you feel better.”

Murphy breathes out a low sigh and the hand at her neck brushes gently through her hair. “You did make me feel better, even though I wish those things didn’t happen to you. The most important thing is that you made it through all of that, Raven, you’re alive, and you didn’t let any of those things break you. Instead of pulling you down, you took all that pain and forced it to make you stronger. It’s one of the things I admire most about you, you know, that you always get back up again.”

She wishes she could see his face, wishes he could see hers. She’s incredibly moved by his words, and just can’t help herself when she speaks softly into the darkness. “Said the cockroach to the raven.”

And Raven just knows he’s got that familiar smirk on his face when he chuckles in her ear and nudges her shoulder. “Roll over again, it’s better for your leg.” So she does what he says and turns to her right side and he follows behind her. He smoothes all the hair off her back so he won’t lay on it and his forehead dips to her shoulder as his arms enfold her once more. She impulsively presses her hand to his where it rests on her stomach and laces their fingers together. Raven squeezes once and Murphy squeezes back, and she falls asleep with a smile on her face.

****************************

When Raven wakes again, she knows it’s morning. The sun shines bright enough to filter down beneath the fallen tree, and she hears birds singing above her. Murphy’s no longer at her back, and while she feels chilly without him there, she has enough residual embarrassment from her much-needed breakdown that she’s glad she has a few moments to compose herself alone. With only one person in the hollow, there’s enough room to do some of her favorite stretches, so she gets to work. If Murphy was right and they had to stick around one more day in the woods before the window opened to cross the sands, then she could prop her leg up and hopefully take it easy, since she knew the sand crossing was going to be really tough for her physically.

She climbs out of the hideout and doesn’t spot Murphy, but after she returns from a bathroom break she does see a covered plate near the log she had her leg up on the evening before. She lifts the cloth and there’s more berries, some nuts and a root-like item that could be a plant or vegetable, she doesn’t know. It’s crunchy and a little salty and she likes it. She wonders if Murphy had packed it or found it in the forest. She needs to ask him to share some of his foraging skills so they can refill their pack.

Raven settles in with her back against a tree, puts her leg up and eats her breakfast while trying to finger comb the snarls out of her hair. She rifles through the satchel and finds the small stash of mint leaves Clarke sent for her and pops a few in her mouth once she’s finished. The taste conjures such strong memories of how she and Clarke would make a point of having a meal together as often as they could, to touch base and catch up on each of their projects and problems. She’d never had a female friend like Clarke before, and despite forging friendships with Harper, Emori and Echo on the Ring, she and Clarke had a bond that she couldn’t wait to continue. She looked up when a few leaves rustled and saw that Murphy was coming back towards their camp, a cloth sack in his hand.

“You look like you’re in a good mood this morning.” He reached into the bag and grabbed a handful of what was inside, and she could make out some purple berries instead of the remaining red berries left on her plate.

“Just thinking about how excited I am to see Clarke again. Has she changed? Does she look the same? Echo told me about Madi - did you see her in Polis?” Raven is taken aback when a grimace flits across Murphy’s face at this question.

“Oh, I met her alright, but it was in the woods soon after I left you behind. She made some crack about how she thought I’d be funnier and Octavia was her favorite. Apparently Clarke’s told her stories.” Murphy actually lifted his hands and put air quotes around “stories”, and Raven knew immediately that Murphy was offended that Madi didn’t choose him as her favorite. She laughed so hard that her eyes watered, and at his annoyed expression she figured she should appease him.

“Look at it this way - for Madi to assume you’d be ‘funnier’, that at least has to mean that Clarke told her you were funny to begin with. And you had just been tortured almost to the point of death, so it’s a given you weren’t at your best.” Raven meant the words somewhat tongue in cheek, but Murphy obviously was placated by them and brightened, which made Raven snort but she tried to cover it up into a cough instead.

Murphy sent a concerned look her way, but when she returned to calmly wiping off the plate from her breakfast, he pulled out a map from his shirt pocket. “From what Clarke told me, I figure we need to head out tomorrow around five or six in the morning. If we start that early we can probably rest during the hottest part of the day. That means we’ve got to top off our food and water supplies by tonight as well as make sure no one’s tracking us.”

Raven’s mouth pursed a little with frustration and she looked at him with worry in her eyes. “Murphy… I hate to admit it, but I’m concerned with how I’m going to function, trying to trudge through the sand with my leg. I think the shock collar might have damaged some of the nerves in my lower back and leg again, and I’ve been having trouble adjusting quickly to the uneven ground down here. For years I’ve been walking on smooth & level surfaces on the Ring, and it’s going to take me longer than a few days to get a feeling of balance back.” She was relieved when Murphy’s expression didn’t change to any kind of pity, but instead looked thoughtful.

“I could tell your leg was bothering you, but I thought it was all due to the shock collar. I didn’t make the connection to the rough surfaces down here… the sand is probably going to be an issue then, at least until you’re more used to this terrain. It wouldn’t really be a problem how fast we move, but for now we’re on a time limit because of the sandstorms Clarke’s told me about.” He stood and paced around the trees in front of her, clearly focused on a solution to her problem. He shrugged. “We don’t have to cross the whole desert area. I’ve already passed through it with Emori and on the way back here for you, and Clarke’s done it enough times to know how to do it right. It’s not a horrible trip, just hot and gritty. I could just carry you when you get too tired.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “No, you cannot ‘just carry me’. What if we’re being followed or something goes wrong? I’m not exactly a feather, nitwit. Besides, I have a better idea.”

“Yes, please inform the nitwit of your perfect plan, oh wise one!” Murphy drawled, voice thick with sarcasm.

“Okay, okay, I laid that one on a little thick. If you can find some branches of consistent size, I can make a stretcher of sorts with one of the blankets and some of the rope I saw in the pack. It would mean potentially pulling me over the sand when I can’t do it anymore, but it’ll be less strain than carrying all my weight.”

“Alright, I’ll get on that, but while I go look for branches and scout more berries or leaves, you can’t sit out here alone. I want you to go back under the tree until I return.”

“Ugh, Murphy, I don’t want to do that.” Raven whined, and yeah, she realized she was being ridiculous but she had the knife and the gun he had given her, and she knew how to use them.

“Do you think I care more about your safety or what you want? You’re not gonna win this one either, so you might as well just suck it up.” There was that obstinate Murphy tone again. He had the gall to look at her somewhat innocently, but he must have seen the frustration on her face. “Look, I made it appear like we went towards the caves, but I don’t know who Diyoza sent after you. There might be a few smarter ones who won’t fall for the fake trail, and you just admitted to me that your leg isn’t at its best. No way I’m gonna leave you here for some criminal to sneak up on you while I’m not on guard. We don’t have a saw and it might take me awhile to find fallen branches that are long enough and sturdy enough for a stretcher. Can you please just humor me here, Reyes?”

And at that ‘please’, she knows she’s giving in. But that doesn’t mean she has to make it easy, so she huffs at Murphy like he’s the most unreasonable man she’s ever met, and that might not be too far from the truth anyway, come to think of it. She makes a point to grumble under her breath as she collects the plate and makes sure she doesn’t leave anything else around where she was sitting, and shuffles over to the hideout yet again. Before she can climb under, Murphy’s hand glides along her shoulder in a firm stroke. Raven stills and his hand doesn’t move away as he demonstrates the bird call he’ll give when he comes back into range so she’ll know it’s him.

“I’m gonna add a few dead branches around this opening and use some leaves to sweep over any footprints we’ve left around here, then I’ll be off. You can’t fall asleep, Raven, promise me. If you hear anything without the bird call then you know it’s not me and you have to be prepared to kill whoever it is, okay?”

“Murphy, your overprotectiveness is bordering on preposterous right now, you know that, right? I’m totally capable of sitting in a hole, being quiet and waiting for you. And if it comes to it, of course I’m gonna kill whoever I have to. I am not without skills.” She reached up and patted the hand that still rested on her shoulder with her own to reassure him.

“Yeah, I know I’m being an idiot right now. I’m actually embarrassed for myself.” His grip tightened on her shoulder and he seemed to take a moment to compose himself. His eyes found hers and there was an awful, lost glint in them. “I could hear you screaming the whole time, and I couldn’t get to you even though I tried, I tried. I can’t let that happen again.”

Immediately, she knew he meant what McCreary had done to her. It must have been horrible for him to hear her - the agony she had felt had been brutal, and she’s sure he heard that from her screams. She desperately threw her arms around his waist, crushing herself to his chest and wishing she could just knock the memory right out of him. “It wasn’t your fault, Murphy, don’t think about that. You did help me - as soon as you came in the room I didn’t get shocked any more. Last night you said it, that I got through it and I’m still alive and so are you!  And with McCreary, this time we got through it together. We got through it, it’s done. Don’t give that nightmare more energy.” She felt him shudder against her and knew that if McCreary was still alive when they got to Polis, she might just kill him herself.

Murphy steadied himself and she could practically see the determination in his posture. Raven nudged his chest with her head and he grunted in response, telling her in his way that he’d be alright. But his arms were still too unyielding around her and she knew the moment needed some levity to help him relax, so she forced a smug tone into her voice. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say someone had been taking some detailed notes during a few of Bellamy’s more dramatic moments.”

Murphy let out a half irritated, half amused “Fuck you, Reyes!” And bullseye, she had hit her target.

She twisted out of his arms and back towards the hole where she’d be spending the next few hours alone, and cheerfully called out. “Yeah, I know, everybody wants to.”

And because she wasn’t watching, she missed the look of desire that flashed across Murphy’s face.

****************************

The rest of the day passed by without incident. Raven did her best with some yoga moves in the confined space, though she was bored, and Murphy eventually returned with the branches and more of the berries, leaves and odd plant root/vegetable that Raven had eaten that morning. Raven had quietly worked on tying the branches to each other to make the stretcher while Murphy catnapped beside her.

They ate a small dinner, and Raven had expressed her unease that they hadn’t seen any Eligius trackers after them. Murphy had explained that they wouldn’t have known that she knew which area of the forest was closest to the sands, and that by now, there were multiple trails in the trees created by him, Echo, Monty, Harper, Emori and even Madi and the Rover. Add to that Murphy’s false trails to the caves and maybe she didn’t need to worry about it after all. Then, after dinner, Murphy left their camp briefly and came back with some of the same purple berries from the morning, and a few large green leaves that she hadn’t seen before.

He used two of the sandwiched leaves to crush some of the berries, and he let the juice that was released run into his cupped hand. He pinched some dirt into the berry juice and stirred it with his finger until it turned into a sort of paste. “This is easier with a bowl, but do you remember how members of Trikru would paint their faces, especially around the eyes?”

“Of course. Lexa always looked pretty wicked when she did that.”

Murphy laughed. “Yeah, she did look intense. But it’s for more than just intimidation. It’s going to help our eyes adjust to the bright sunlight over the sand, and it’ll help cut down the glare, making it easier to see anyone or anything in the distance. I forgot about this on the hike here and my eyes watered the whole time. Plus, and this might not matter to your lovely coffee colored skin, but it’ll help my pale face not to burn.” His eyebrow raised in a mocking way and he gestured for her to add to the paste in his hand. “We don’t have a mirror, so use what’s here and paint some around my eyes, then I’ll do you. We won’t have time in the morning unless we get up even earlier. And don’t make mine girly.”

Raven squealed with naughty glee. “That’s true, we don’t have a mirror. So how will you know if yours ends up girly or not?”

“I’ll know.” Murphy growled, and though she was so tempted, she figured Bellamy would just tattle on her when they reached Polis. She mixed more of the crushed berries and dirt in Murphy’s palm, and set to work. As she painted a mask on Murphy’s face, she noticed he kept his eyes closed while her fingers drifted across his skin, and she felt a little more daring, knowing he probably wouldn’t look at her when she asked something she’d been wondering about for a while now.

“Murphy… can I ask you something?”

“You can ask.” His voice was brusque, but she bit her lip and pressed on.

“When we were on the Ring, after you and Emori broke up and you isolated yourself away from the rest of us, how come you kept ignoring me every time I tried to come talk to you?”

She watched him take a heavy breath but his eyes stayed shut. “I was too stuck in my head then. None of it was personal, but I was in a bad place mentally. I don’t do so well being closed in, without things to distract me from my mind taking over. I read everything at least 100 times over up there, just trying to stave it all off. And that’s exactly what space was for me - suffocating and didn’t keep me busy enough to stay outta my own head. Emori and I got together for the right reasons, but we stayed together for the wrong ones. We care about each other but I made her my distraction, my focus, and that wasn’t healthy for either of us. It’s why we worked better on the ground, why I work better on the ground. Because here there’s always something to do, to solve, to distract, to interest me. It’s not the same thing all the time like it was up there. I’m honestly surprised it took me that long to finally crack.” Her fingers continued to shade in the dark berry juice, and she thought about what he confessed.

“Could I have helped you?” She finally said out loud.

Murphy opened his eyes and she could see the truth in them. “I think you could have, but I wouldn’t have let you.” She nodded slowly, understanding that he had been more broken towards the end of their time on the Ring than she had thought.

“It’s a good thing we got out of there then.” She smoothed the last of the berry paste under his eye and over his nose. “You look like some kind of masked bandit, but it’s unknown whether you’re the hero or the villain of the piece.”

He smirked at her. “Perfect then, since I never know myself.” He wiped his hand on the grass and grabbed her palm. “Hold this out and I’ll make more for you.” After he mixed more of the crushed berries, he deliberately swiped it under her eyebrow and she closed her own eyes in response. He labored silently for a little while and she enjoyed the ticklish feel of the berry paste drying on her skin.

“When I left you behind with Shaw, it didn’t take me that long to find Echo and the rest in the woods. They were definitely watching for us. We all got in the Rover and headed towards Bellamy to warn him, but during the drive the shock collar kicked in. Monty, that adorable softy, wanted to try and take it off right then, but you know Echo’s the voice of reason who told him we didn’t have time.” Raven smiled at that, knowing the description of both their friends was correct.

Murphy continued. “I got out and told them to go on without me, but I was surprised that Emori chose to stay behind too. She had some tools with her, because you know you nagged her to do it until she listened. And lucky for me that you did, because she managed to get the collar off. But not without a few shocks first, FYI. It was okay though, because we talked a little while she was working on getting it off. Unfortunately, we got boxed in by McCreary and that’s when we put together that small bomb that killed ‘em all off except that fucker.” She knew her own jaw clenched when he mentioned that name, and she felt his thumb sweep over her chin to ease her. “When the bomb successfully went off, I think we were both excited that it worked. I don’t really know which one of us moved first but we kissed. It was only when Emori noticed McCreary moving that we stopped. And I surprised the hell out of myself because I realized I was relieved we stopped. I think that’s what happened too many times before - we both just fell back into habits with each other. This time we’re broken up for good and we both know it, and we’re both okay with that finally.”

Raven opened her eyes since Murphy had stopped painting. “You know Emori is my friend too. I want you both to be happy. If the two of you couldn’t get along, I’d be pretty sad about it, but I’d keep trying to at least get you to make up enough that you could be in the same room together. It’s better for all of us if you can do that on your own though.”

“Kinda like what you want to happen with Bellamy and Echo, isn’t it?” Raven’s eyes widen at Murphy’s sly question. Damned if that wasn’t something she’d been trying to avoid thinking about once the ramifications of hearing Clarke’s voiced had flickered through her brain.

“Murphy, you are far more in tune with things than people give you credit for, you sneaky little romantic!” Raven accused him.

“Hey now, don’t go blowing my rude jackass cover! I like pissing people off! But clearly… Bellamy and Clarke have been making heart eyes at each other since the Dropship all those years ago. No matter how much he protested, those two were never ‘just friends.’”

“Oh. My. God. I am never going to let you live this down. You said ‘heart eyes’ and you weren’t even being facetious! What is happening right now? Who are you and what have you done with the real John Murphy?” Raven thought it was hilarious that of all people, Murphy was actually rooting for Bellamy and Clarke. And he pretended to be so careless all the time! She knew he was just a big softy underneath all those thorns!

Murphy laughed along with her and used the last of the berry mixture to make two little whorls just under her eyes and curving in towards her cheeks. “There. Pretty wicked. Let’s clean up camp and get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow.” Raven found herself hoping that the berry juice would stain for a while. She wanted to see herself in a mirror, of course, but there was no denying Murphy looked good with eye makeup.

*************************

Murphy had put all their supplies in reach and had camouflaged the stretcher up in a nearby tree. Even she could barely spot it and she had known it was there. The air had turned cooler than the previous night and by the time she crawled into their tiny bunker, her skin was covered in goosebumps. She pulled the blanket tighter around herself and marvelled that tomorrow afternoon, she’d probably be sweating profusely in the bright sun.

Raven stretched out in the small space while she was alone. It was hard to believe that so much had happened in what had been only a few days. Although she and Murphy were technically ‘on the run’, the quieter time together had allowed her a much needed decompression period. She counted Murphy as a friend long before this, probably even her best friend, but there was no denying they had grown closer since he chose to stay on the Eligius with her. She laughed bleakly to herself. Guess joint fear and a shared torture session go a long way towards weaving a stronger bond. Yet it was more than that, she knew. Murphy was clearly on to something when he told her that he did better on the ground instead of being closed up in space. He seemed more open, more relaxed even, despite the danger they had been in since they landed on Earth. Maybe it was like when she got caught up in a project, where everything was flowing and she knew she was doing what she did best… maybe Murphy had finally gotten back to the environment where he felt right.

She thought in particular about how he seemed more agreeable to physical touch on the ground as well, but she supposed that probably applied to her too. Raven considered herself to be an affectionate person, but she had experienced more hugs and contact with Murphy and Abby in the last couple of days than the entire six years she had spent in space - well, outside of exercise or the sparring lessons with Echo, anyway. Why had she denied that part of herself when she was clearly enjoying it so much now? She deflated a bit when she realized that she hadn’t liked to acknowledge it, but she often felt like a lonely seventh wheel on the Ring. Yeah, Bellamy and Echo hadn’t gotten together until the first three years had passed, but everyone had seemed so coupled up. Despite having slept with Bellamy a million years ago, that had been a one-time thing that honestly was more an act of revenge on her part, not major interest. Sure, she wasn’t blind - Bellamy was definitely hot - but in her mind, he was Clarke’s, and even though she didn’t know Clarke was still alive, she just didn’t think about him like that. And okay, maybe there had been one or two interesting dreams about Monty, but for god’s sake there were only three men on the Ring for six years, after all, and a girl had needs. She loved him and Harper together and there was nothing real about her thoughts. The couple had always made her feel welcome in their company and they deserved so much happiness after everything they had gone through.

Raven didn’t know if Murphy had somehow examined her private thoughts or what, but he had actually hit the nail on the head when he teased her about dreaming of Roan. The King of Azgeda was almost always the star of her sexual fantasies when she had needed a release, and it was easy for her to understand why. Roan had been crazy attractive, and she didn’t actually know him very well, so she could imagine his personality any way she wanted to. And if Luna had turned up amongst some of those fantasies too? Well, that was nobody’s business except her own.

But never, not once, had she thought about Murphy that way. Realizing that felt strange, somehow. How could she not have had a sexual dream about him when they were stuck in space for so long together? Her forehead scrunched in concentration as she considered this new thought. It wasn’t that she didn’t find him attractive, because again, she wasn’t blind. He had those expressive, compelling blue eyes that got an evil little glint in them right before he opened his mouth and said something horrible and offensive but also probably true. And he had that face with all those hard lines and sharp edges that somehow came together in such an appealing way. She liked that she had to tilt her head to look up at him when they stood near each other, she liked that she could always be herself with him, she liked the way he nagged her to have a little fun when she got too deep into her work, she liked all their inside jokes, she liked that she could get mad at him and he could get mad at her but they never held a grudge, she liked that they both got annoyed by the same things and their eyes would meet and they could have a whole conversation about it without saying a word, she liked that sexy little smirk he had and the way it would send a coil of heat through her blood, and Oh My Fucking God! She was the stupidest fucking genius on the planet! Raven dropped her head to her hands as she realized she had never had a sex dream about Murphy because she had never let herself.

This… this was definitely confusing. She was friends with Emori. She was friends with Murphy. And they had been a couple on the Ring, even though a lot of it was on and off. And she didn’t ever think about Murphy like that because Raven was a friend, and a good one. She would never have done anything about her feelings, so she had compartmentalized them so much that she hadn’t even fully acknowledged how she felt inside her own head. But now they were practically exploding through her brain with the obviousness of them and damn, she guessed she was sort of blind for not seeing it sooner. How had she missed this when it now seemed so noticeable as she thought back over their interactions together? Had she been flirting with Murphy as much as her memories now seemed to suggest? “She doesn’t know you like I do” suddenly ran on a loop through her brain. And oh my god, worse - better? - had Murphy been flirting with her sometimes? Fuck, she wished she could talk to Clarke right now.

She looked up guiltily when she heard Murphy climb down, but it had gotten dark enough outside to mean that it was gloomy in the dirt covered walls of their hideout, and she was glad for that slight reprieve. He lay down again behind her, but on his back and without touching this time. “You okay?” She sensed the concern in his voice, and she flashed back to that moment right after she’d pleaded for his life.

“Yep.” She managed to lie without a crack in her voice, but she knew he wasn’t going to buy it. “Everything’s all...it’s just been a lot.” That part was certainly the truth.

He edged closer and in one fluid movement, he rolled to his right side and pulled her back into his chest, then gently nudged one of his legs between hers. Raven no longer felt cold but she didn’t know if this feverish heat now running through her veins was actually an improvement. His arm moved beneath the blanket and she could tell he was touching the brace on her leg.

“Would your leg feel better if we took the brace off tonight? Does massage help your nerve pain or increase it?”

“If I take the brace off, I won’t be able to get up without help, and I won’t have much mobility until I put it back on again. In space I used to take it off every night, but since we went to the Eligius and came down here, I haven’t done that because I’ve been afraid I’ll need to move without much warning. I’m not really sure whether the nerves can get better in any way. I mean, I rub my leg down myself but I’ve never noticed that it makes it ache less.”

“That’s something we should talk to Abby about, but I think we both want your leg to be in better shape for tomorrow, so let’s at least take the brace off so you get some relief. I’d do it for you but it’s hard to see in here and you’re more familiar with the latches.”

Raven leaned down and removed the brace and placed it alongside the pack. She shivered as the blanket slipped down and she lost the heat from Murphy’s body. She was torn - the realisation that she was attracted to Murphy in a sexual way both made her want to nuzzle closer to him as well as wish she had more privacy to sort out her feelings. The decision was made for her though, when Murphy reached up and encircled her wrist and pulled her back down against him. Her heart thudded in her chest and she hoped it wasn’t as loud as she feared it was. She bit her lip and tried to relax, but there was no ignoring his strong body pressed tightly behind her. Murphy’s leg had taken up its previous spot between hers, and the urge to shift her hip to get a little closer was so tempting. It was going to be a very long night, and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to end up making a fool of herself.

“Reyes. I can practically hear how hard you’re thinking. Turn your brain off and get some sleep.” Murphy’s deep murmur served to bring her to her senses, and as his muscular arm around her waist drew her closer, she couldn’t help the little hum of satisfaction that escaped from her throat.

“Goodnight, Murphy.”

Goodnight, Raven.”

***************************

Without warning, Raven awoke to a feeling of absolute panic. The darkness felt ominous around her and she was pinned down by a heavy body on top of hers and a tight hand was across her mouth. Her heart rate accelerated but as soon as she started to struggle, lips grazed her ear and a gravelly whisper that she felt more than heard rumbled through her. “Quiet. Don’t move.”

The knowledge that it was Murphy above her and not some faceless stranger had her body almost melting with relief, and she relaxed underneath him. Murphy’s body, however, was taut like a bowstring and was almost vibrating with tension. She strained her ears, trying to hear what had him on such high alert. She listened for what felt like ages but all she could hear was the rough sound of his breathing close to her ear, and the pounding of her heart at both the seriousness of the situation and the way that Murphy’s body covered hers. He was levered up over her on his forearms, and his forehead rested right near her temple. She closed her eyes and would not think about the way his hips tilted into hers. Absolutely would not. Damn it, now was not the time for her to become some kind of wanton damsel in distress, she told herself.

She knew Murphy wouldn’t be acting like this unless there was a very real threat present, and she refused to be the reason something went wrong. She felt Murphy’s chest flatten down into her as he stretched his arm over her head then brought it back towards her side. He pressed the sturdy knife into her palm, then reached up again and she felt the small gun he had given her when they first escaped from Abby’s clinic join the knife. His mouth returned to her ear and she couldn’t help but shiver when he breathed out harshly “Stay. Kill anything that comes in here unless you hear my bird call.”

Raven nodded frantically and struggled to find his hand in the darkness. She clenched it in a hard squeeze before letting him go. With a quick rush of movement, Murphy was up and out of their burrow and she was left alone in the pitch black. She tried to calm her agitated breathing and deliberately forced her body to relax. She silently slid her foot towards her leg brace and managed to drag it close enough for her hand to grab. It was a risk fumbling around to put it on, but she wouldn’t be able to get up without it, and Echo had taught her that in a fight, she needed to put her body weight behind her attack. Raven had to prepare for whatever might come down into the hole, and she couldn’t let her worry for Murphy distract her.

***********************

It seemed like hours, it must have been hours, that she’s been waiting for either a fight to the death or a sound from Murphy, and the mental strain has taken a toll. Raven’s fingers grip the knife handle so tightly that she can’t even unwrap them anymore unless she uses her other hand to pry them apart. Her whole body is stressed with the fight or flight sensation and she has no idea if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that it’s taking so long. It’s still full night out - she has no idea what time it could be, but she knows they went to bed early and maybe she hadn’t slept that long before being awoken with Murphy’s hand covering her mouth. Regardless, she’s full of adrenaline now no matter how late it is. She makes the effort to strain her ears again to try and hear something, anything - the crunch of leaves, the crack of a twig being stepped on, the sound of fighting... And that’s when it comes, but she can’t be sure she didn’t just imagine the sound out of a desire for it to be real. She cocks her head and hopes it will ring out again, and it does, that stupid whistling bird call, and she feels her legs tremble with relief. The call happens a few more times as he gets closer, and finally he drops down into their hideaway, taking up all the space again and landing just shy of where she’s pressed against the carved out side wall.

Raven wants to reach for him, she does, but her body won’t respond, it’s frozen and she just ends up letting out a pained whimper instead. She feels his hand slide down her arm and carefully disengage her fingers from the knife, and there’s a dull thud as it lands in the dirt. Murphy places both hands on her shoulders and firmly pushes her low enough where she can sink to the floor, then he sits beside her and draws her hands and legs into his lap as he rubs her fingers.

“You let yourself get too stiff. This is probably gonna hurt at first.” And oh, it does hurt, the pins and needles pricking under her skin, but that doesn’t matter right now so she licks her lips and tries to talk but her throat feels tight and there are cramps in her legs and the way Murphy’s rubbing her hands is making them sting so bad and she needs to know how he can be so calm and is he injured and what happened out there in the woods? She elbows him in the stomach with the arm that’s closest to him, letting him know she’s impatient.

He leans forward over her arms and thighs and stretches to reach his pack. He pulls out the canteen and takes a long swallow before putting it to her lips and tipping it up for her to drink, then he resumes the massage on her palms and out to each finger. “I don’t know how long we were asleep, but I think I woke because I heard one of the noise traps I put up on the outskirts of camp. I rolled on you and covered your mouth to make sure you didn’t speak when I climbed out, and once I was on the ground, I got lucky and heard leaf movement so I followed in that direction. That guy wasn’t good at covering his tracks so I found him pretty fast. I wasn’t sure if there was anyone else so I circled back to see if you were still hidden and you were. But a few of the landmarks around camp were disturbed so I thought there might be at least one more. That guy was better. It took awhile. Then I waited to make sure he was the last one. I didn’t want to come back here if it wasn’t safe. ”

Raven could move her fingers again thanks to his ministrations, and she could feel the other scratchy blanket was wadded up behind her. She unfurled it and this time she maneuvered Murphy down so he laid on his back as she smoothed the blanket on top of him. Her legs twinged in protest, but she needed to stretch out and they both needed comfort from the other. She slid under the cover and tucked her head under his chin, along his left side so she could listen to his heartbeat. His arms curled around her and her hand fisted in his shirt. They lay like that for a long time in the hushed darkness, but Raven knew neither of them slept.

Eventually Murphy spoke, but the words seemed dragged out of him. “I killed them both.”

She nodded and tilted her head up towards him, though she could barely see his face. “I know.” She moved her hand to rub circles on his forearm.

Moments later, he continued. “I stalked them through the woods and it was like I remembered how to do everything from before. I slit their throats without a second thought.”

Raven sat up with a hand on his chest and looked down at him fiercely. “I know. And I’m glad you did. I’m glad you killed them and I won’t be sorry for it. They wanted to take me back to Diyoza and I would have been just another pawn for her to use in these terrible war games, and they would have killed you if they could. I won’t let you feel guilty for protecting me, for protecting us. We’re fighters, Murphy, you and me both, and we’ll do whatever we have to because I can’t lose you.”

His hand snakes up and tangles in the hair at the nape of her neck, slowly tugging her towards him until she feels his warm breath on her cheek. “I’m not going anywhere without you.” Then finally, amazingly, his lips are on hers and she can’t think, she can’t breathe, it’s like all her nerve endings have suddenly sparked awake. Her blood thrums through her veins and she’s on fire and this is just a kiss and his hand moves to cradle her head and then he suddenly rolls her so she’s underneath him. And later, she’s going to think about that move and let it do things to her, but for now she just mewls in her throat as his mouth devours her and trails kisses along her jawline towards her neck and every sensation feels so new, it’s been so long, and he’s already got her craving more more more. There’s one hand knotted in her hair and the other has slithered down to her hip and he’s caressing the bare skin there underneath her shirt and damn it everywhere he touches is burning and making her want. She feels his teeth scrape her neck and she moans and her hips just buck up into his and she feels him smile wickedly against her hot skin. His mouth skims up to her earlobe and he bites down then sucks it between his lips and this kind of torment is what’s going to be the end of her, she knows it, but she can’t care when his breath ghosts over her ear and he practically purrs at her. “Tell me you want me to kiss you, Raven.”

And oh, of course, of course that devilish mouth of his has to get involved. She slides her hands under his shirt and scrapes her nails up his chest just hard enough to make him shudder and she doesn’t recognize her own voice when she tells him “You know I do.” Like a reward for her confession, Murphy nips and sucks his way back to her lips and the way he kisses her makes her forget her own name. His chest presses against hers and she wants more of his skin, she needs to feel more of him. She pushes his jacket off his shoulders as their tongues fight for dominance, and she wraps her leg around his hip as she tries to yank his shirt off. He rears up on his knees and pulls it over his head and she can see his pale skin gleam in the trace moonlight that has filtered into their shelter. She wishes it were brighter so she could see how their skin looked together but for now she leans forward and licks a stripe up Murphy’s chest and she swears he actually growls at her as he ensnares both her wrists in one hand and lays her back against the blanket covered dirt floor. He raises her hands above her head as he attacks her mouth again and the heat radiating from his body is like a fever he’s so hot and she had no idea how much she’d like having her hands pinned, how did he even know but she’s got to get these clothes off and get closer to him. So she writhes beneath him and lifts her breasts into his chest and his free hand brushes over her stomach where his thumb rubs a circle around her belly button then glides over to her hip and pulls her harder against him. And this is crazy that she’s so worked up and hasn’t even got any of her clothes off yet and hurry hurry please take them off, she bites down on his bottom lip just enough to make him tighten his grip around her wrists and the hand on her hip slowly slowly moves to the zipper on her jacket and tugs it down. Her hands stay pinned and now he’s almost fucking lazily sucking along her collarbone and she takes a gulp of air and whines at him. “Damn it, Murphy, hurry up.”

He leans up and over her and his nose nuzzles her ear. “It’s cute that you think you’re in charge right now.” The pulsing heat at her core is throbbing so hard she thinks she might come just from the bossy rasp of his voice at her ear and how did she never imagine that it could be like this but he makes it even better by finally, finally getting her jacket over her arms followed by her shirt and there’s just her tank top left. He leans back down to capture her lips again and her arms go around his waist and just when it starts to get deliciously sloppy he pulls back and runs his fingers down her arm making her shiver, and he hisses in her ear again just to drive her mad. “I know how much you like having a well-thought out plan. Maybe I should tell you what I’m planning to do to you so you know what to expect.” And fuck, her panties are just soaked, he’s never going to let her live this down but god yes she wants him to tell her every naughty thing he wants to do to her.

“If you ask me nicely, Raven, I’ll tell you.” She can feel that sinful smirk of his on her neck, and damn that rotten bastard, he wants her to beg him. His hands run along the hem of her tank top and without warning he whips it up and over her head and then his body is surrounding her and he is scorching her with his heat and she will give him whatever he wants just to keep his skin against hers.

She moves her lips up his neck and licks a path over to his chin, then lets herself get distracted for a moment at his ear. She runs her hands up his back and shoulders and pulls his head down towards hers. But she stops him just before their lips meet. When she speaks, her lips graze his and her voice is rough with desire. “Please tell me what you’re going to do to me, John.” She knows he likes when she breathes his name because his hands grip harder in her hair and on her neck and his mouth slants hard against hers. His hand on her neck glides down to her breast and his thumb rubs over her nipple. She almost screams at the sensation and how it sends an answering quiver straight to her sex. He bends his head and licks the other nipple and then all the way up her neck to her ear, all the while his hand in her hair tilts her head back and his other thumb rubs her breast. “First I’m going to make you come with my fingers. Then I’m going to taste you and feel you come on my tongue. And then I’m going to fuck the hell out of you and you’re going to come all over my cock.”

As he whispers out his carnal words, Raven gasps and goes taut then flies apart in his arms. Her heart is thudding so hard she knows he can hear it and she can hardly breathe that was so intense and holy fuck he is a filthy wicked man and she has hit the damn jackpot. He’s going to be so, so smug about this but she’ll let him because oh he had every right to be conceited.

Murphy lifts her thigh higher around his hip and rubs himself against her and she can feel the hot hard length of him through her clothes. “You didn’t follow my plan.” He accuses her, but she can hear the tease in his voice.

She squirms against him and she knows he can feel the wetness that has soaked through everything she’s still wearing and she hears his smothered groan. She uses her hands to unbutton his pants and lifts herself up to bite his shoulder, then pulls him by the hair down demandingly towards her neck. “Maybe you better punish me so I learn my lesson.”

“Oh, fuck yes, Raven.”

And then there’s no more talking for a while.

**************************************

It’s not long before dawn and Raven should feel tired, but she wakes early and actually feels rested for a change, not to mention completely and bonelessly relaxed. She blushed as she remembers how many times Murphy made her come and she wished they could ignore everything else and stay naked in their bunker all day, but she wriggles over in Murphy’s arms until she’s facing him so she can wake him up. In the thin light she can make out the berry juice mask, dark around his eyes, and she grinned as the sight of it sent a bolt of lust through her. She nibbles his chin and her hands play with the hair at the nape of his neck and he stretched alongside her as he grumbles. “It’s too damn early.”

“You know we have to start going through the sands today, much as I’d like to stay here.”

Murphy’s blue eyes opened and regarded her solemnly. “Raven, last night when we first started kissing, I wanted to pause and ask if you were sure you wanted to keep going. We weren’t exactly starting with clear heads after what went down, and I didn’t want you to regret anything. But I wanted you too much and I let myself be selfish instead and didn’t stop to ask you.”

She has to swallow past the lump in her throat when he looks at her like that. “Murphy… it’s sweet of you to feel that way but I was there with you, you know. I wasn’t exactly stopping you, either. I’m a big girl, and I knew what I was doing. I think it was obvious I wanted you too. I’m not the kind of person to go along with something if I don’t want to do it, am I? For the record, I don’t even remotely regret having amazing sex with you last night, got it?” She was relieved to see that her words seemed to convince him as he got an amused look on his face.

“Well if we’re going on record, I’d like it noted that I think we should do that again. And again. And then a million more times after that.”

Raven leaned up and murmured mischievously in his ear. “Just try and stop me.” But before he could grab her, she playfully yanked the blanket off him. “Now c’mon and get your gorgeous ass up! I can’t wait to see Clarke!”

*************************

It took them over two days to get across the blazing wasteland, much of it with Murphy pulling her on the stretcher almost like a sled. Trying to keep her balance on the shifting sands was impossible, and they realized that sand getting into the metal joints of her brace would be a nightmare, so she took it off and wrapped it in one of the blankets and resolved not to let herself get too frustrated about being helpless. Their food supply was actually pretty decent but they made a point of rationing the water, and when they took a break, Murphy would bury one end of the stretcher in the sand so it stood above them, then he’d lash a blanket to the supports to make something of a lean-to where there was a little shade. Other than the constant grit of the sand, the fiery sun and her inability to walk on her own, the journey could have been almost pleasant if not for Murphy’s constant worry about some kind of sandworm attack. He wouldn’t let them stay in one place for long and she didn’t know the details of what these sandworms could do, but if Murphy was concerned about it, they were probably pretty bad.

When they finally reached the compacted dirt that surrounded Polis, Raven strapped her brace back on and they made their way towards the toppled tower. Monty was the first to see them and he called out for the others. He and Harper enveloped her in a big hug and she was surprised to feel tears sting in her eyes. Emori grabbed her next. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Raven squeezed her firmly in return. “I knew you would get them down safely. I’m so proud of you.” Emori beamed at her and turned to tell Murphy that she was glad he didn’t die, and Raven could see Bellamy and Clarke coming towards them.

Bellamy reached her first and lifted her off the ground in a huge bear hug. “I knew he’d find a way to get you out. We missed you around here.”

“I missed you too. And yeah, he was kind of a badass, but don’t tell him or it’ll go to his head.” Bellamy laughed, especially because Murphy was close enough to hear her remark, but now Clarke was standing in front of her and all Raven could do was stare.

She didn’t know who moved first, but suddenly they lunged together and were holding on tight, and there was no stopping the tears and sobs from either of them.

Bellamy sidled up to Murphy and bumped his shoulder as they both watched the happy reunion. “So I guess the hero thing is working out, huh? Although I can’t wait to hear how you convinced her to leave Echo, Abby and Kane behind.”

Murphy scoffs fondly at him. “Fuck you, Bellamy. I am very charming and you know it.”

Clarke and Raven finally pull apart and Clarke grabs her hand. “Raven, I want you to come meet Madi.” They start to walk off together and Raven throws a glance and a radiant smile over her shoulder to make sure Murphy is coming along.

Bellamy and Murphy fall into step behind the two. Bellamy raises an eyebrow at Murphy. “That’s an interesting development.”

Murphy smirks but his eyes are happy. “Yeah, it is. Now fill me in - did you propose to Clarke yet?”

********************************

Whelp, I’m finally done. My goal was to get it posted by 5x08 and I’m cutting it close but I did it! These characters really have me in their orbit. I hope you enjoyed my version of my two favorites. I know I had fun writing it and it’s my first long story ever at 18k words. Considering it’s only my third story ever (and first sex scene), I’m excited about it and hope to stay inspired to write more. Hope to get an AO3 account soon. Just as a small aside, I’m going to assume that there’s birth control happening in this world and they had access to it. In real life, practice safe sex habits, everyone!

[paladinsheadcanons]

ash x tyra is my life fuel. i'm not kidding when i say i screamed after finding the ashra tag on ao3. my gay heart wants more, so would mod ash be willing to write some fluff?

i like you. i love your taste. also if you found my stuff, i hope you liked them ovo;;

as like before, my ashra stuff…. tends to get a little too long. slightly inspired by this (kinda) and this. sorry for any grammar errors and inconsistencies! 

- mod ash 

Tyra rarely gets invited to Ash’s office room. 

Of course, it’s not like they’ve made a habit out of it. Upon entering the relationship, Ash knew and made clear that they are still colleagues and in the Magistrate’s eyes, Ash is still Tyra’s superior, even if not directly. And while they worry a lot about any possible complications that this may ensue, most days are spent talking about work, and how they have spent their long shifts or missions, often ending in drinks, dinners, and passing out from laughing too much. 

And this may be a special occasion, Tyra thinks. She remembers it is an anniversary of sorts, but she does not remember for how long. She has already told Ash that she would be out for Sentinel-related issues for a few days, and would not be able to prepare or have anything ready. Ash, while sounding rather upset that they won’t be able to spend a day-off together, is still rather accepting, and just says to meet her after she’s finished with her duties.

And she is, after a trip to the infirmary and a long scolding. The wounds she had received during her duties were not the most easily-ignored, but she presses on. She has haphazardly compiled together a huge box of items she wanted to give Ash way before the mission, as well as a few trinkets she got during the mission. She had known Ash for a while, and knew she is surprisingly sentimental with items and associating memories, and so a care package may be something she would like. 

Carrying the box turns out to be a challenge. Not expecting herself to be injured during the mission, she thought carrying it would be a breeze, but her muscles complain with every move and all her body suddenly wants is to rest. She reaches the office door with great difficulty, and manages to knock once before barging in. 

Ash had situated herself by her desk, setting up… a meal? No, just some snacks on a tea snack rack and some coffee for both of them, and some other things…. she could hear the faint static-like noises accompanying a vinyl record playing, Ash herself was out of both her armor and army fatigues, instead has dressed herself in a plain dress shirt and darker pants, and having way more eye makeup than her standard eyeliner.

She looks amazing. It made Tyra feel bad that she came here without even preparing for it, and as she carefully lays down her huge box of gifts, she looks at herself – just dressed in her fatigues with a thick layer of bandages around her gut underneath her loose shirt.

Tyra looks up to a rather confused Ash. “Should I… go?”

“What– no!” Ash stands up from her seat and walks to the huntress. “Come here.”

Tyra does step closer, although a little hesitantly. She looks over the wonderful woman before her, and felt both wonder and guilt, suddenly unsure. “I didn’t expect you to have anything, to be honest.”

“It’s not much, really,” Ash starts, “it’s just slightly better coffee and some fancy snacks.”

“I should probably have headed back to change clothes at least,” Tyra says, somewhat mournfully. “You look… very gorgeous.”

“It’s fine! You’re here, that’s what’s important right?” Ash doesn’t even hesitate as she pulls her closer to embrace. “I missed you.”

“I know.” Laying her head over Ash’s shoulder turns out to be way more gratifying than it seems, hands around the woman and resting herself against her. Tyra could almost feel her heartbeat faintly through her bandages. “It’s been a while.”

For a few moments, the vinyl played soft, static-y music, filling the silence between them with recorded guitar strumming and the soft singing of a woman, familiar old tunes from home-bound tongues. It is not a tune that is strictly romantic, but it sounded like home, Tyra realises. Her embrace becomes tighter, and the tune suddenly becomes slightly faster, like one would hear in more livelier places.

“Can we… can we dance?” Ash breaks the silence. Tyra doesn’t see her, but she can tell from her tone she’s rather expectant. 

It takes her a few minutes before responding. “I… don’t know.”

Ash doesn’t let go for a second, and for a moment she doesn’t say anything, obviously rather confused. Her hands merely travel around Tyra’s back, until it stops and settles on the thick wrappings of bandage around the huntress’ abdomen. Realisation seems to hit the war machine, and she pulls away from the embrace slightly. 

Her eyes say a lot of things, peering towards Tyra looking for an answer. Worried, concern, a hint of anger. 

“Bullet wound,” Tyra elaborates, avoiding Ash’s rather concerned glare. “Jumped through enemy lines, I didn’t make out in time to get out unscathed. It’s not the deepest…”

“It’s okay, we can just do–”

“No.” Tyra insists, cutting Ash off. “I want to dance.”

If you don’t want to, it’s–”

“I insist.”

Ash pauses for a second, obviously at a loss on what to do, feeling the urgency of her insistence. She looks around, on the drinks she has made, and then on the vinyl player, still going at it with the pace. She pauses, and sighs, breaking off the embrace entirely. 

“Something slower, then,” Ash says. She unceremoniously yanks the disc off the player, hopefully not damaging it and stopping the music almost to a screeching halt, before picking out another vinyl off a nearby box and playing it instead, the tune slower and much like a sung poem. 

“You know,” Ash says, quickly walking back and resettling herself back in Tyra’s arms, and slowly coaxing her into a slow, swaying dance, “if you want something, I can make it happen.”

The singing from the record continues, still in the same old home language from earlier, accompanied by softer harps and a steadier harmony. Tyra follows the war machine’s lead, since these are familiar, easy steps. It’s not like the dance itself mattered, not really. It’s been a week, possibly longer, since the last time she’s held Ash. The Magistrate never sits idle, and as their campaign goes on, it takes the war machine away from what little personal time she has with her, and even just the feeling of her hands is making standing up for an extended period of time worth it if it meant catching up to lost time.

Anything to make it last longer.

“That’s very tempting,” Tyra says, softly leaning against Ash’s weight. “But this is good enough for now.”

Tyra doesn’t know if Ash didn’t have an answer for it or if she deemed it a good answer, but she stayed silent. Ash’s hands merely settled on her waist, right around the wrap of bandages, and the huntress can feel her hands find new places to settle on around her, as if unsure how close or how gentle is she being. 

In the end, she returns her hold by Tyra’s waist, brushing against the bandages, palms flat, as if she’s trying to guess where the wound exactly is as they swayed, and as Ash leaned her head against her. It is not too much of a wound, Tyra will admit, as she had far worse injuries in the past. But for it to hamper her physical strength and her personal time… it’s not the disadvantage she was hoping for. 

“I… wish I was there.” Ash breaks the silence. 

“Yeah, because you’d scold me for an hour longer.” 

Ash laughs, hearty and loud and raspy. “You don’t want me to be concerned?” 

Tyra has several answers to it, like not wanting her to get involved in duties she shouldn’t dip herself in, among other things. But she settles for a reply. “Well, it would make it a little easier for me to deal with if it’s you who’s scolding me.”

The war machine hums a rather dissatisfied noise, almost whiny. “If I’m there, you won’t be hurt in the first place.” 

Of course.

Ash has always liked protecting her. And it made sense, even though Tyra knows both of them are capable, strong warriors who can be independently amazing in combat. However, she knows that Ash didn’t earn her reputation out of thin air, and there are several things she regret in her years as a higher, decorated officer. Some people she couldn’t save, some things she’s seen best left to be forgotten.

Tyra dares not ask about them. But she knew what Ash would do if she were there.

“You’re going to be the one who’s hurt,” Tyra states, “then I will be the one scolding you.” A few moments pass with wordless dancing and Ash doesn’t answer, but she’s avoiding Tyra’s look rather guiltily, so the huntress concludes her guess was right. “I want to keep you safe too, you know.”

“I know.” The war machine closes her eyes, leans against the huntress. “I know.”

“Trust me,” Tyra says, “I will be okay. And you will be, too.”

“I trust you.” Ash smiles sheepishly. “But let me worry.”

The huntress merely smiles. “How many hours have you slept tonight, anyway? I doubt I’m the only one in this room with bad health choices.”

Ash avoids the huntress’ gaze. “I’ve been awake for fifty hours straight.”

Tyra doesn’t scold, nor laughs. Having such a reputation and being a high official is not easy work, and she knows Ash works hard to keep herself high up in the ranks. She remembers days where she would see her injured but still determined, shaking off any inconveniences that comes. Ash just… she is a very selfless woman. One Tyra is very glad to have met and loved.

But she hopes Ash would also take care of herself the same way she takes care of her.

“I can see where you’re going with this and the coffee,” the huntress comments. 

“I make time when I need to.” Ash murmurs softly, almost sleepily. “For you, especially.”

“Just promise me to sleep after this, okay?”

She doesn’t answer for a while, but Tyra later feels and hears her make an assenting noise. She doesn’t know if she should take that as a “yes”, but she does not want to ask further, letting the silence permeated by soft music take over.

The now-slow paced tune of the music taking over, their dancing has mostly reduced to an extended embrace disguised by the occasional sway or step. It didn’t really matter now, no one was really watching, and Tyra didn’t care if it was not close to a waltz. Ash is what matters, right?

Later on, the dancing had stopped, both of them choosing to put their attention on the now-cold coffee and the snacks Ash had brought along, slow music and harmonious singing still spinning by the vinyl. Tyra couldn’t count or sum up how long they have stayed there, as the night had dissolved into a blur of conversation, laughing and discussion, and while the coffee was a little cold, her company sure is not, later on putting her attention on the care package she has brought along, filled with charms, souvenirs, treats, and a few clothing and comfort items Tyra made way back.

They had seated themselves on the couch near Ash’s desk, hands touching while they talk about work, the mission, and life in general, not even noticing the recorded music stop and the mess of packaging and wrapper around them. Later on, they finish their drinks and snacks, and they spoke in hushed tones for hours, trading touches and kisses as they spoke.

None of them bothered to check what time it was. It’s not like it mattered. Both of them knew that once they part tonight, they might not see each other again for a long while, with the Magistrate pushing forward on it’s major campaign and it taking more and more of Ash’s time as a higher official and Tyra as a Sentinel. 

In the end, Ash never bothered to end the conversation, or tell Tyra to leave to prepare for the morning. And Tyra didn’t excuse herself, no matter how much her wound ached, or how much she knew she had work in the morning. It was in the middle of the night when both of them had decided to just fit each other on the couch to rest with each other, lying down and speaking softer and wearier. 

Tyra doesn’t remember falling asleep, but she wakes up a significant amount of time later, a little groggy and feeling several things ache. But upon seeing Ash close, her breathing steady and seeing her so rested, she knew she’s home. 

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[osakaso5]

Mechanical Lullaby Short Story - Momo & Yuki

It was spring, and the flowerbed around the clocktower was blooming with marigolds. A butterfly danced in the midst of their scent. As if chasing the mechanical tune drifting throughout the city, it rode the wind higher...  

Sleeping in his box, a robot doll with long silver hair let out a low hum as his gears began to move. 

"Wake up", Fabra called out to him. The robot continued to keep his eyes closed, though the turning of his gears could still be heard. Fabra stayed silent and observed the situation. 

"Aren't you going to wake me up?", the robot doll spoke, his eyes still closed.  

Fabra let out a small sigh. 

"Get up yourself."

"You're no fun", the robot said as he slowly rose out of his box. 

"So, who are you? ...And what's my name, again?"

"You took that long to get up and you still don't know?"

"Nope."

"I am Fabra. Your name is written on that box."

"Ah, I see. So my name is Dissen."

"That's right."

After checking his name, Dissen nodded, as if agreeing to something. 

"Well then, I wonder what my 'duty' is? Hopefully, it's something I can do together with a girl."

"You need to watch over plants and animals that are in danger of going extinct, by yourself."

"Huh?"

"I won't accept any complaints. You like plants, don't you?"

Only Fabra knew that Dissen was made based on a human who once lived. Someone who was friends with the human he himself was based on. Dissen had even inherited the human's love for women. 

"Well, it's true that I like plants and animals. But girls aside, won't it be too lonely for me to do that work all by myself? It sounds so unbearable that I think I'm going to cry."

"Get used to it."

"Whaaat?"

Dissen was extremely displeased, but because there were no other robots programmed to be botanists, he had no choice but to work alone. Fabra continued talking, explaining to him the basics of the city, his "duty", and where he'd live. 

"After you exit the clock tower, go straight down this road and you'll come across a botanical garden. That's where you'll live."

Fabra was turning a deaf ear to Dissen's refusal to become a botanist all by himself. 

"I suppose I have no choice but to seduce someone into becoming my helper later."

"Whatever, just hurry up and go."

The human's spirit remained firmly in Dissen. He should've been able to live a minimalist life, but Fabra felt uneasy at the thought of leaving him by himself. 

"...I guess I'll get him a helper later", Fabra said and began waking up the next robot doll. 

The robot lying in a box labeled "Novem" began to hum. Staring at the box, Fabra waited for him to wake up. 

"Mmm..."

"Are you awake?"

Rubbing his eyes, Novem lazily sat up, then froze in place. 

"...Are you awake?", Fabra nervously called out to him again. 

"Mmm.... hmm, yeah."

Judging from the reply, he didn't seem to be sleeping, but he was responding slowly. Fabra began to worry that he was malfunctioning. 

"Let me sleep for five more minutes... Goodnight...", he said and sank back into his box. It seemed this robot doll had also strongly inherited the personality of the human he was based on. Fabra went over to wake him up in a manner he knew would work. 

Skreeeeee!!

"Auugh! Nooo!!!"

Fabra scraped his nails across the glass beside Novem's ear. Novem sprang up vigorously and away from him. This method had been used to wake up the human Novem was based on, so it was guaranteed to open his eyes. Somehow, it even worked on a robot. 

"Are you awake?"

"Please forgive me. I'm awake."

"Then it's fine. Without further ado, do you know what your name is?"

"Um, no I don't..."

In contrast to his waking state, Novem was now acting much more humble. Fabra felt a small sense of relief. Outside his sleepiness, this robot doll would most likely be a reliable one. 

"Your name is written on the box there, it's Novem." 

"Novem."

"Also, your 'duty' is to be an engineer."

"An engineer?"

"Yes, the ability to create special robots should be programmed into you. Create robots that can help people in their daily life."

"Understood."

"And lastly, I have a request for you."

"What is it?"

"In the botanical garden, there should be a botanist named Dissen. I want you to look after him."

"Is there something wrong with his body?"

"Not exactly, but I don't like the idea of letting him live alone. He doesn't seem to have many skills, and if he's even inherited the original's unawareness of what he should do, he'll be in danger..."

With a bitter expression, Fabra listed his concerns over Dissen. 

"I'm not sure what I'll have to do, but all I need to do is go live with a botanist named Mr. Dissen, correct?"

"That's right."

"Understood!", Novem replied cheerfully. Keeping Fabra's directions in mind, he left the clock tower. 

"Ah, there's another robot doll over there!"

As he walked along the road to the botanical garden, Novem looked around restlessly. 

"I wonder what that robot's 'duty' is?"

Watching a robot hurrying somewhere, and another who seemed to simply be enjoying himself, Novem tried to picture what sort of lives they lived. After walking for a few minutes, he came across a robot doll crouching at the side of the road. 

"Are you alright?"

Thinking that the robot was feeling ill, Novem rushed over to him. 

"Huh? Ah, I'm fine", the crouching robot said and lifted his face. He was almost ethereally beautiful. 

"I was just looking at this plant over here."

At the spot he was pointing to, there was a small green plant peeking out from between the cobblestones. 

"It's rare for a plant to be growing like this, you see."

As the robot doll said that, he stood up. 

"And who are you? What is your name? What is your 'duty'?"

"I'm called Novem! My  'duty' is to be an engineer!"

"Hmm. And what is it that engineers do?"

"I was told to make robots that could help the people of this city."

The robot doll stared at Novem for a moment. Then, as if he'd come up with an idea, his face lit up. 

"Alright. Would you like to live with me? You could make me robots that will clean my home, wash my laundry, and wake me up in the morning."

Novem was overwhelmed by the unbelievably rude and self-centered requests coming from the beautiful robot's mouth. 

"Um, I already have a place I must go."

"Where?"

"The botanical garden. I was ordered to go there and live with a Mr. Dissen."

"I see! Then, let's go!"

With a delighted expression, the robot began pulling Novem by his arm. 

"W-wait! I told you, I need to go to the botanical garden!"

"You're going to live together with me, right?"

"Huh? What?"

Novem's head was full of questions. 

"Ah, I must've forgotten to introduce myself. I'm the botanist, Dissen. To tell you the truth, I would've preferred a girl, but since you seem like a really nice boy, I've taken a liking to you."

"T-thank you very much."

If he let himself be dragged along, he'd be able to fulfill Fabra's request. Though Novem already felt a tinge of worry at the idea of living with Dissen, he followed anyways. 

"Wow! It's so big!"

Having arrived at the garden, Novem was surprised by how spacious it was. There were all sorts of plants growing inside the giant greenhouse. 

"There's a laboratory further inside. It's fairly well-equipped, so you should be able to make robots there", Dissen said as he guided Novem deeper into the botanical garden. As they walked, Novem felt something slip past his feet. 

"Whoa, what was that?"

"Ah, that's a cat."

"Is it an animal?"

"Yes. I keep a few animals here. His name is Past."

"Huh."

Novem crouched down and looked at the cat. Past seemed to also be sneaking glances at him. Timidly, Novem extended a hand to stroke Past's fur. As he did, the cat leaned into his hand. 

"You're incredible. It took much longer for him to let me touch him."

"Really?"

Having let his guard down, Past kept rubbing his face against Novem. 

"Whoa, this is unbelievable..."

At the laboratory, Novem was treated to an intense sight. In a mixture of study materials and daily necessities, books, tools, and trash were scattered all around. There wasn't a single place to stand. It was finally clear why Fabra had been so concerned over Dissen. 

"Use the desk over there."

Dissen pointed at what appeared to just be a mountain of things, with no desk to be seen. As he moved a pile of documents out of the way, Novem could see a small spot of the desk's surface underneath it. 

"Mr. Dissen, we should clean up first."

"I don't want to."

"Don't be like that! This is unsanitary, and you can't even tell where anything is!"

"I can tell where most of the things are."

"I'm tidying up, whether you like it or not!"

Luckily, cleaning was one of Novem's strong suits. Paying no mind to Dissen's grumbling complaints, he kept throwing seemingly unnecessary things into a giant trash bag. 

Rustle, rustle. 

After three days of clearing out the chaotic laboratory, it was finally at a state where Novem could use it to fulfill his "duty".  He wasn't sure of what to make yet, so he decided to start with the fully-automated watering system that Dissen wanted. As he scraped for materials, Past trotted towards him. 

"Ah, you can't come here. You could get hurt."

Since then, Past had grown very attached to Novem. 

"I appreciate the sentiment, but the laboratory is too dangerous for you. Mr. Dissen, is he the only cat here?"

"That's right."

Finding a friend for the cat might mean that he wouldn't stick to Novem as much, so Dissen set out to find one, only to have his hopes dashed. While wondering what he should do, Novem gently rubbed under Past's chin. 

"I know!", Novem said and suddenly stood up. His yell startled Dissen and Past, and the cat ran out of the laboratory. 

"Mr. Dissen, I'm going to lock myself up in this laboratory for a while, so please look after Past."

After saying that, he cleared out a space for himself and began immersing in his work. 

"But who's going to look after me..?", Dissen mumbled to himself as he watched Novem. 

Days passed, and Novem remained secluded in the laboratory. 

"I wonder what he's so desperate to make?", Dissen asked Past. The cat, who was sitting in front of the door to the laboratory, swung his tail to the left as if answering the question. Novem ignored the growing mess in favor of focusing on his work, and Dissen made sure to check up on Past and stay out of the laboratory like Novem had told him to. 

"I-it's done!"

Around a week passed until Novem finally staggered out of the laboratory. His workspace was in ruins, which Novem ignored in spite of his usual cleanliness, instead making his way over to Dissen. 

"Take a look at this!", he said and slowly showed Dissen the thing he had bundled up in his arms. 

"Oh, how adorable."

"Isn't it!? I still need to make plenty of adjustments, but this should become a great playmate for Past!"

The cat, who had sat waiting for Novem to come out of the laboratory, came closer. Novem started up his newly finished robot. 

"This is your new friend, Futu."

The cat named Futu was slowly starting to move. Although Novem said that he still needed to make adjustments, the robot moved so smoothly that from a distance, it could be mistaken for a real cat. Dissen was surprised by Novem's skill. Even Past, who was initially cautious, seemed to relax after a while of watching Futu in Novem's arms, and soon the pair of cats were running around the botanical garden together. 

"You're incredibly talented!"

"Thank you very much! I was worried I might not be able to make a proper robot at first. But then I lost myself in my work and before I knew it, I was done!"

"I see."

"Ah, I'll make sure to build the fully-automated watering system you asked for soon!"

"That's alright, you can forget about the watering system for a while."

"Huh? Don't you need one?"

"It seems you're normally supposed to use something called 'insects' to help with growing plants."

"Insects?"

"Yes. I've never actually seen one either, only read about them in this book. So, even though the only reference material you'll have is a book, do you think you could make me some insects?"

Dissen, who was always joking around, was now asking Novem with a surprisingly serious look in his eyes. 

"Alright! I'll give it a try!"

He wasn't sure how far he'd get with only a single book, but Novem's heart fluttered at the thought of being able to help Dissen. 

Translator’s notes..? 

this is a little different from the stuff i usually do, but @krizariel was kind enough to send me scans of momo and yuki’s mechanical lullaby booklet, so i decided to translate the short origin story for their characters that came with it! 

i’ve also got scans for novem and dissen’s character reference sheets and momo’s photobook, so i’m probably going to post more extra stuff like this at a later point

[darlingpetao3]

For Asgard (Chapter 18/?)

Coulson arranges for you to be escorted to wherever they're keeping Loki captive. It's only one guard taking you there but he is a pretty burly fellow, perhaps the biggest guy aboard this helicarrier. You closely follow the guy until he stops outside what you believe to be your destination. When the door slides open you expect him to stay glued to you while in the presence Loki. While in actuality, the opposite happens.

“You have five minutes. Agent Romanoff is already in there interrogating the prisoner. She'll keep an eye on you.” You weren't certain whether that meant “she'll keep you safe from him” or “she'll make sure you don't try anything stupid.”

Slowly you enter the room where S.H.I.E.L.D. has imprisoned Loki. The cell he's in is much smaller and less luxurious than the one you shared on Asgard. Then again, no prison would be as nice as that one. Were you seriously grading prison cells on their interior decor? This one was circular with windows all around. What is it with people and their giant windows in prison cells, anyway?

You can hear Loki talking to someone. When you look up and to the right, there's the red-headed agent you remember piloting the plane. Romanoff. Apparently, they didn't hear you enter the room. Keeping this to your advantage, you move into the shadows and into earshot to hear her voice. It is level, yet demanding.

“I want to know what you've done to Agent Barton,” she says.

“I would say I have expanded his mind,” Loki responds like he's doing everyone a favour. That's an interesting way to put it, you think. Redhead approaches his cell, face expressionless. You can tell she cares about Birdman, but damn is she good at keeping her face neutral. Her arms cross.

“Once you've won, once you're king of the mountain, what happens to his mind?” She moves up close to the glass between them. For some reason you can't place, you don't like this small action very much.

“Is this love, Agent Romanoff?” Loki teases.

“Love is for children. I owe him a debt.”

Wow, hardcore. You wonder what she would think if she knew how much Loki and you love each other. You two might as well be the biggest children here, then. He laughs at her words and backs away.

“Tell me,” he insists, suddenly appearing interested in her supposed debts. A quick look of hesitation breaks through across her face but disappears just as quickly. She goes on to tell her life story of before she worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. From what you gather from Redhead's vague story, she implies she was an assassin. That and Birdman was sent to take her out, to kill her, but ended up not following through. When Loki asks what she'll do if he spares Birdman, she says she won't let Loki out, and you didn't expect her to anyway. But Loki has that look in his eye. You've seen it before. Like he's the cat who spots a mouse just sitting there, and it's playtime.

Redhead says she wants to turn over a new leaf. To wipe out the red in her proverbial ledger. Loki, of course, questions her ability to do so.

“Drakov's daughter... Sao Paolo. The hospital fire.”

That did it.

You don't know what any of this means, but his choice in words did the trick. She's tensed up and has wide eyes full of frozen fright.

“Barton told me everything,” he confesses. “Your ledger is dripping.” Loki approaches the window and his voice grows stronger, more powerful. “It is gushing red, and you think saving a man who is no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basis sentimentality, this is a child of prayer, pathetic,” he spits out. “You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, have your own code. Something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you. And they will never. Go. Away.” Loki slams his fist against the window and Redhead flinches, something you thought her body wasn't capable of doing. You watch all this in silent awe, mouth just a little agape.

“I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way, he knows you fear. And then he will wake just long enough to see his good work and when he screams I'll split his skull.” Redhead turns in fear and horror and walks a few steps. “This is my bargain, you mewling quim.”

You sit there, hand to your mouth. Is he serious? You hope and wish and pray that this is still just a part of the stupid godforsaken plan. That this is all still an act. Because, yeah sure, he has to look the part of a villain right? That was a part of it? The plan you know nothing about and yet are still told to trust him blindly in what he's doing. But he must know what he's doing, you're sure of it. Loki's evil villain act has been good. Far too good. You almost believed it there for a second.

“You're a monster,” Redhead says quietly, in a small voice. Loki laughs.

“Oh no, you brought the monster.”

She lifts her head and turns around to face him with a look of sudden realization. “So, Banner? That's your play?”

What play? Who's Banner, now?

“What?” Loki says, confused for once.

“Loki means to unleash the Hulk,” Redhead speaks into her wrist. “Thank you for your cooperation,” she says to him smugly and turns to leave. Did Loki just get played?

“No...” he says unbelievingly.

Redhead makes her way to the exit in your direction but you remain hidden in the shadows of an alcove near the door. When the coast is clear, you rush up the steps two at a time and place your hands against the glass prison. Loki turns to see you and is surprised, you think, to see you at a time like this. He moves closer to you, and in return presses his own hands to the window.

“My darling,” he says fervently. “Oh, how glad I am to see you.”

“And I'm glad to see you, too. Only it'd be nicer if you were out of this thing. With me.”

“I could not agree with you more.”

You hear a loud blast and feel the floor beneath you tilt somewhat. You have to grab hold of the railing to regain balance.

“What was that?” you ask looking around the room for clues.

“It would seem the vessel has been shot.” Alarms sound off in the distance outside the prison room. The floor remains at a slant and you feel as if you're inside a carnival funhouse. Except this is not at all fun. Not in the slightest.

And then, reverberating through the vents above, there's a noise that causes the hair on your arms to stand up and make your insides churn. A horribly angry roar.

That's when Loki's lips curl into that smile that only speaks of trouble to follow.

“Loki, god damn it, what is happening? What were you saying to the Redhead earlier about a monster? Who's Banner? And how do you know all that stuff about her? How- no, what do you know about these people?” It all comes pouring out now, you can't stop it. “I've been trying my hardest to stay in the dark here, to let you be the mastermind with all the secrets, but I can't take it anymore! Please, please, tell me something. I'm so confused about everything and I just need to know.”

Loki looks at you with empathy in his twinkling green eyes. “I know this has hurt you, my darling, and it pains me to see you in such a state. Ask me whatever you like and I shall provide your answers.”

“Truthfully?”

“To you? Always. But first, we are in great danger. Therefore, my sweet, before I tell you what you wish to hear, you must help me out of this cell.”

“Yes, of course.” You shake your head with understanding. If this massive flying base is going down, you'll need to free your beloved. Your burning questions can wait just a little longer. After all, you'd rather your questions be burning than yourself. “What do you need me to do?”

“Do you recall the route the guards brought us before we were split up?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“They are keeping my sceptre in the laboratory which we passed upon entering this aircraft. Do you remember the room of which I speak?”

You pull up the image of it in your head. When you had passed that lab, Loki had given the curly haired man inside a funny look.

“I do. I remember.”

“Good. You must retrieve the sceptre for me, my love. Without it, our defence and safety weakens greatly.”

“I'll be back. Hold on!” The ground shakes again, this time with more force. You work up a nice jog once you make it to the hallways of the helicarrier again. Men in uniforms run by you without a second glance. You assume they're probably too busy trying to figure out a way to keep this flying base up in the air and not in a billion pieces smashed on the ground. That makes you feel a little relief. They have their own mission right now and so do you. According to your calculations, the lab shouldn't be much farther-

There it is. You see the weapon in the window up ahead, the whole room turned faintly blue from the stone's growing brightness. It appears the door had been blasted open. An explosion, you deduce, from the shards of glass across the floor. You run to the sceptre and grasp it from the table it sits upon.

Your heart beats rapidly as you stare at it and move your fingers across its golden shaft. This is the first time you've actually held it. You think of all the things it has done, of all the things it could be capable of doing. And it's in your hands.

You need to snap yourself out of it. Leaving the lab, you make a mad dash back to the prison room, all the while avoiding falling flat on your face due to the helicarrier's extreme turbulence. But before you reach the last corner, before you're home free, a shout in a deep voice from the other end of the hallway startles you.

“(Y/N)!”

Your head whips around as you see a hugely built blond man, bewildered as to what you're doing with the sceptre in your possession. It's Thor. For a moment, you two merely stare at one another. Then, you break for it.

“Loki, I have it! I have it! Thor's coming!” you say frantically. A guard you hadn't noticed was in the room grabs you and tries to disarm you, but you aren't having any of that. You push him backwards and slam him against the wall. The man loses his bearings long enough so that you have time to tap the weapon to his chest without really weighing your options. His eyes fade to black but refocus to the colour of the stone's glow.

He is in your control.

“Open the cell door,” you command him. “And leave.” The guard has no choice but to heed your words. As the door slides open, a desperate “NO!” rings out. Thor makes a beeline to stop Loki from escaping and goes in for a tackle.

Only, he goes right through him!

An illusion...

Thor scrambles to his feet but the cell door has already closed on him. He's trapped. The real Loki appears next to you but remains facing his brother.

“Are you ever not going to fall for that?” Loki taunts. This clearly angers Thor as he smashes Mjolnir on the window, leaving a giant crack, but that, in turn, causes the latches on the cell to loosen. Please don't tell me this thing drops from the sky...

“The humans think us immortal,” Loki says with a humorous tone and walks over to the control panel. “Should we test that? Darling, come over here will you, please? Wouldn't want anything dreadful to happen to you would we, love?”

You scurry over to his side and take hold of his arm. You're beyond anxious. Is he really going to send his brother in a nose dive to the unforgiving cold hard ground? This is way beyond the prank he pulled in Asgard at Thor's coronation.

“Move away, please,” says a voice trying to sound authoritative. It's Agent Coulson. He snuck in and is holding the biggest freaking gun you have ever seen in your life. Awkwardly though, like he doesn't know exactly what he's doing with it.

Loki steps back a bit. The gun is aimed directly at him. Your heart is beating and it's out of control. Coulson, the man who was so kind to you earlier, a real genuine guy, is pointing a gun at the man you love.

“You like this?” Coulson says, inching closer. Loki looks worried. He grabs your waist and moves you out of the line of fire, which is too far away. “Even I don't know what it does.” Coulson shrugs. You figured as much. “Want to find out?” Not caring that Loki had moved you aside, you step back in front of him just as Coulson pushes a button on his weapon, lighting it up. He's about to shoot.

And then... You hear a grunt of anguish and a horrible scream. The scream was yours.

Your hands cover your mouth. Loki had suddenly appeared behind Coulson and had plunged his sceptre into his back. Only now, the sceptre is no longer in your hands. How-? His other self, his body double, his illusion was disintegrating behind you, still looking worrisome, while the real Loki let Coulson slide down the side of the wall, leaving a bloody streak as he went down.

You stand frozen with shock and refuse to accept this was happening. But it gets worse. When you finally gather a little courage to face Loki, you find him at the control panel again, with that smile. That one smile. Not the one you fell for all that time ago. No, this one gave you chills.

For the first time, you were scared. Positively terrified.

Loki's hand hovers over the daunting red button for a few moments as if he's contemplating. He and Thor exchange glares. Thor looks utterly and completely betrayed. Probably for the umpteenth time in his life. But you could feel that this was the worst of it.

Loki pushes the button and in a split second the ropes are cut, the latches give way, and Thor falls to his doom in his glass prison. You can't breathe.

“You're going to lose,” says Coulson's small, but sure voice.

“Am I?” Loki plays along.

“It's in your nature.” The agent's eyes are losing their light. His breathing shallows.

“Why do people seem to think they know my nature?” Loki says to himself, annoyed. “Your heroes are scattered. Your fleeting fortress falls from the sky. Where is my disadvantage?”

“You lack conviction... and the trust in your partner.”

“I do not think I-”

BOOM.

Loki gets blasted into the wall and slumps down unconscious.

“So that's what it does.”

You have tears pooling in your eyes and you try to stay strong, but looking at the man who was so kind to you, even when you were aiding a criminal, causes you to lose it.

“Agent Coulson, it's going to be alright. I- I can't believe he-” you can't even finish your sentence, kneeling beside him. “Just hang in there. You're going to be okay.”

“Don't you worry about me. Just do me a favour, please?”

“Anything. Anything. What is it?”

“Don't lose yourself, (Y/N).” Those were his last words. You start sobbing for a man you knew for the shortest amount of time and yet he made such an impact on you. Emotions and thoughts flood through you like rushing rapids. It feels like someone zapped you with a stun gun. It's like someone ran you over with a truck and left you flattened against the pavement. You feel like you're both on the verge of a hysterical fit or completely breaking down and crumbling into a ball on the ground. This was a dream, right? A nightmare?

Please for the love of every single god, let this not be real. Your heart. It hurts. You could almost swear that you feel the cracks in it. All you have to do is think of Loki's eyes. His touch, his voice, all of it, everything from before any of this shit happened to you both, for you to fall to your knees and break down in heavy sobs.

This poor, nice man. Coulson... He had offered you your old life back. How much simpler would everything have been if you had just accepted?

You had thought Loki was putting on an act, but did he really, honestly change in the end? How could Loki have done what he did if he hadn't changed? I am an accomplice to murder. I brought him the sceptre. I opened the door... How will I live with myself after all that I've done?

You feel a hand on your shoulder. You look up to see him. Coulson's killer. Loki. A man you thought you knew, had trusted with all your heart in so many ways. But you didn't recognize him anymore. This wasn't a game, to play with people's lives this way. You felt like a fool to figure this out only now. He's quiet with his words.

“I am-”

“Don't,” you say, hardened.

“Darling, please.”

“No.”

“This aircraft will crash any time now. We have to go.” His urging means nothing to you.

“Then let it. I'm not going anywhere with you.”

“You don't mean that.”

“Oh, I mean that.” You didn't care that your voice just cracked.

“Do you not trust me?” His voice has a tinge of frustration to it. You don't answer.

“You are a monster...” you murmur so quietly, you didn't think it possible for him to hear you.

He did.

“I was trying to save you!” Loki yells at you, anger increasing and all too apparent. Something clips in your heart. And your temper.

“I don't need saving!” You feel sick. Nothing makes sense anymore. “I'm not leaving with you.” Loki's eyes narrow and in truth looks beyond scary in this moment, something you never thought you'd feel about him.

“If that is the way you feel.” He sounds angry but trying not to let it resurface. Even more, there's a tinge of the sound of his own heart breaking. Well, join the fucking club. He gets up to leave, sceptre in hand, and walks a bit with a limp.

You can't bring yourself to look at him. Even if the last glimpse of his face turns out to be him smiling grotesquely and stabbing a spear into Coulson's back, so be it. When you finally hear his footsteps leave the room, that is when you start to weep.

Part 19

Tag List: @gerardwayisapotato , @theloneavenger1995, @magellan-88

[bazzaya]

a demon’s plight - part six

A multichapter series regarding Minerva’s redemption/healing Post-Tartaros.

A/N: Sorry for the delay! Was distracted with other projects. We’re close to reaching the end here. I’d give an estimate of part eight being the last. Enjoy lots of Minerva backstory here though.

Word Count: ~3.6k

[Ao3 Link/FFNet Link]

Part Five

Enjoy!

The shower was a welcome distraction from everything that was going on. The warm water against her skin, her real skin, was a pleasant change. Minerva hadn't seen her real skin in the longest time, and while she did wash the scales on her body before, there was always an itch, a pestering feeling of being filthy with that form. She no longer felt that way, now that her actual skin was visible to wash. Such a scenario started to make Minerva appreciate the body she was born with a lot more; she might have boasted about it before, but knowing she could have nearly lost it and had it ruined forever made her cherish it deeply.

As soon as she stepped outside of the shower once she was finished, Minerva again was reminded of something she cherished: her magic. Normally she could have simply used her magic to dry off in an instant and dress herself, but with those blockers on her wrists… Minerva realized how dependent on her magic she truly was. It frustrated her at first, but she soon came to remember just why she had them on her in the first place. It was tough, but she would manage somehow. She simply had to do everything the long way.

Minerva stepped out of the bathroom, her hair freshly combed and a towel wrapped around her body. She was holding where she tucked in the towel around herself just to be safe, and very shortly after Minerva stepped out, she noticed Erza's reaction.

Erza had glanced over when the door opened, but she almost immediately averted her gaze and cleared her throat, trying to give Minerva her privacy. Minerva only raised her eyebrow in response.

"What?" Minerva asked, confused, "Did I do something wrong?"

"N-No!" Erza hurried to amend, gaze occasionally flickering over towards Minerva but always flitting away afterwards, "I just didn't want to be rude and stare before you got dressed."

Minerva playfully rolled her eyes and shook her head, "After last night you should know that I don't mind the attention."

Erza huffed in response and crossed her arms, "I'm trying to show you some respect here!"

"And I'm saying that we're close enough now that you don't have to worry about such a trite little thing." Minerva tilted her head, a ghost of a smirk on her lips when she realized she could get Erza cornered, "Or are we actually not that close after all?"

Minerva had a point, Erza had to admit. She hated how Minerva was saying it and she hated the situation, but Minerva got her right where she wanted her. "...We're close. Excuse me for not worshipping your body with my eyes."

Minerva laughed at that. She could appreciate that sort of bite from Erza. It made things much more interesting when she fought back. "You're forgiven." She teased, though eventually her demeanor mellowed out and she let out a sigh, "I normally don't have to step out undressed like this, anyways. I can dress and dry myself within seconds because of my magic. You can see how this was a fairly unique situation since…" Minerva raised her wrist and torqued it a few times, drawing attention to the blocker around it.

Erza frowned as her brow creased, "Yeah, I get it now." She turned back to Minerva and stood up, walking closer, "You know… if you wanted to, I could take those off of you so you can use your magic again. You're controlling yourself a lot better now. I see no need for them to be on any longer."

Letting out a heavy sigh, Minerva closed her eyes and shook her head, "Erza… I appreciate it, but that's not the smart thing to do here. We've had one day where the markings haven't come back. I don't know how long it will stay like that. If you take them off of me, I… I don't know if I'd let you put them back on."

"Mm…" Erza hummed, nodding her head and letting her gaze fall to the ground, "Right. Even so, you're really changing, Minerva. For you to be that careful and to hold yourself accountable… it's momentous. You may not have your magic, but… you should still feel some pride in knowing that you're really turning yourself around."

Minerva's lips turned upwards briefly in response, "Heh, if you say so, Erza. Though, can we hold off on the sentimental conversation until after I'm dressed? I feel like that would do the both of us some favors."

"Eh?" Erza tilted her head until realization suddenly settled in and she spun around, face completely turning red, "Haha, yup! Don't mind me! Just uh… do whatever you have to do! I'll wait! Hah!"

Minerva couldn't help but roll her eyes, "Heh. Loser." She teased, turning around and heading into another room.

"Hey!" Erza countered with a puff of her cheeks. She soon shook her head with a sigh and calmed herself down, moving towards the bed in the room she was in. She sat down and crossed her legs, making herself situated in the meantime as she waited for Minerva. Within a few moments, Minerva stepped out in a short black nightgown, running a hand through her hair to push it out of her face.

When Erza looked over upon hearing the door open, her eyes widened slightly at the sight of seeing Minerva in that nightgown, and she bit on the inside of her cheek to try and keep herself together. She swallowed harshly, looking Minerva over. "Is the slit up the side really necessary?"

"Sometimes it is." Minerva's lips curled into a sly grin as she sat down next to Erza on the bed.

Erza only rolled her eyes and groaned from disgust. Minerva couldn't help but laugh in response. Soon Erza ended up smiling though, and she shook her head to take her mind off that subject, "You know, there was something I wanted to ask you."

"And here I thought it was my turn to ask the invasive questions…"

"It isn't invasive, shush." Erza scrunched her nose, "And you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Go on.." Minerva hummed, closing her eyes and stretching.

"I've never been able to understand how your magic works." Erza said, tilting her head, "Just what is your magic?"

Minerva opened an eye and raised an eyebrow at that question; truth be told, she was expecting something far more personal based on her comments earlier. Perking up, Minerva glanced down at her hands, flexing her fingers as if she were using her magic. "Territory Magic is… difficult to explain."

"I have time."

Minerva shrugged, "Then I can explain. Territory is what I call it, but a direct translation of the name is Absolute Dominion. It's a type of spatial magic that lets me have complete control over the space around me."

Erza leaned forward, resting her chin on her fists, "I've never seen a magic like it before."

"You… probably wouldn't have. Unlike every other sort of magic, this is one that cannot be taught. You have to be born with it." Minerva explained, "It's not like Slayer Magic or Maker Magic, where you can learn it from a teacher or a book. Not only do you have to be born with it, but you must be pure of blood too."

"Pure of blood?" Erza repeated with a tilt of her head.

Minerva nodded, turning her head further away, "Only those pure of blood from the Yakuma clan can wield the magic."

"But… I thought the clan went extinct?"

"Mostly it has, but there were a few survivors who kept the bloodline alive for generations around the country… Jiemma was born to one of these surviving villages, but the numbers have long since dwindled, and he left his clan in search of a female pureblood. That's when he found Kore, and forced her to marry him, and forced her to have a child." Having prodded her fingertips together for awhile, Minerva jolted from failing to restrain the bitter feelings as she spoke, causing her to scratch herself. Her jaw was wired shut tightly, and she refused to meet Erza's gaze.

Erza's expression only softened at the sight, frowning and reaching forward to place her hand over one of Minerva's. "You don't have to share the whole story."

Letting out a sigh to try and level herself, Minerva slowly glanced up at Erza, only able to hold her gaze for a second until breaking away. "Perhaps not, but… as infuriated as the memories make me feel… it is nice to get it off my chest."

Erza squeezed Minerva's hand slightly. "Don't push yourself."

"Well, that was mostly the end of the infuriating parts, anyways. I can't tell you how thrilled he was to have a child born with a magic thought to have been used by the clan's gods." Minerva ran a hand through her hair, trying to seem unbothered with a casual sigh, "He landed his perfect little soldier to bend to his every whim, and… well, you know what happens after that."

"Mm…" Erza hummed sadly, gaze flittering elsewhere. There was a moment of tense, heavy silence that was only broken when Erza spoke up again, asking, "Do you hate your magic?"

Minerva looked up at Erza, brow creased, "What a strange question…"

"Given the circumstances that had to happen in order for you to even have your magic, I mean... Did that lead to any resentment for it at all?" Erza clarified.

Silence fell over the two of them again, this time because Minerva took awhile to think over her answer. She opened her mouth a few times to speak but ultimately decided against it, until she looked back at Erza looking moderately resolute in the conclusion she came across. "No… I don't. I couldn't hate my magic. It's a blessing, and a source of pride…" She fell silent and let out a breath, clenching one of her fists, "I need you to answer something for me."

Erza raised an eyebrow, "What is it?"

"Is it possible to hate with every fiber of being who you were born to… yet take pride in your heritage?" Minerva asked, genuine confusion on her expression, "I'm proud of who the Yakuma were as a people and a culture, but I absolutely despise how it was Jiemma's blood that made this possible…"

Erza nodded and let her gaze fall to the bed between them. She wanted to word things carefully in response, yet not disappoint Minerva too much with it. "I… I can't answer that for you, Minerva. You have to decide for yourself how you view your heritage." She paused, "...Although, it is of my personal opinion that you should take everything into account here, and how you saying you're proud of your heritage may sound to others who have known Jiemma."

Minerva twisted her lips and nodded slowly, "...Right. I'll think on it more later."

"Ultimately, it's your decision to make how you view it. I can't decide it for you. I think you've come far enough to know what's best here." Erza said to try and clear things up. She didn't want to preach to Minerva when it wasn't her place to do so. She just had to guide Minerva to an answer, whichever answer she pleased.

Minerva eventually just let out a defeated sigh and laid down on the bed, resting her hands on her stomach. "I'm exhausted.."

"It hasn't been an easy couple days. I can't blame you." Erza drew her knees to her chest, turning her head to better look at Minerva where she lied down.

"How about you?" Minerva quirked an eyebrow, "How are you holding up?"

Erza's eyebrows raised from surprise at Minerva's concern, though her expression schooled itself soon enough, "I'm doing just fine."

"You sure?" Minerva asked, looking Erza over for a moment.

"Er, yeah…" Erza sounded confused, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you know… The whole thing with Fairy Tail." Minerva continued, words coming out slowly; concern for others was new to her after all, and she was carefully trying to figure out how to approach the subject. "It's been a few days. I want to make sure you're… you know, alright."

Erza frowned and averted her gaze, "I'm managing. It's still difficult to come to terms with. There's a lot I have to work through that I haven't dealt with yet. I'll handle it once I can resolve everything with you. I'm focusing on your situation first."

"I don't want to be your distraction."

Shaking her head, Erza found it in herself to gaze back at Minerva, "You're not a distraction. What I mean by saying that I'm focusing on you first is that I made a promise to my friend to see that she gets better. I'm nothing if not a woman of my word, Minerva. I made this promise. I won't let anything stop me from seeing it through to the end. I want to be here for you, and I made that decision before I got the news. I'm not just staying to keep my mind off things. I'm staying because I want to help you."

Minerva closed her eyes and turned her head away. She was silent for quite some time, as if she were lost within her own mind. Her response came out quiet, and she seemed hesitant in even speaking it, "...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to press you like that. You have to understand, that sort of concern and worry over my well-being… it's foreign to me. It's hard to wrap my head around how someone could do that so unconditionally."

Erza's expression softened out of sympathy, and she reached out to place her hand on Minerva's arm. After a second, Erza even tried to flash a smile, "I'm sorry to hear how new this whole concept of support is to you, but… you're going to have to learn how to live with it. I'm afraid you won't be shaking off my caring self anytime soon. You're stuck with me now."

Slowly but surely the corners of Minerva's mouth curved upwards into a smile, and Minerva rested her hand over Erza's, "There's worse people in the world to be stuck with."

Erza's own smile widened at that, but before she could say anything further, she was cut off by Minerva yanking her downwards. Erza fell face-first onto the bed, face obscured by the pillow she fell into.

"I said I was exhausted. No more sentimental talks or I'm kicking you out." Minerva teased, satisfied with herself for that.

When Erza rolled over so that she was no longer eating the pillow, there was still a smile on her face and she laughed under her breath. She laid on her side to face Minerva, an arm under her head to support it. "Got it. I'll shut up now."

"I never said you had to shut up." Minerva clarified, "I just said no more sentimental talks."

"Does that mean more gossip?" Erza asked, a twinkle in her eye.

"If you want, though we both know it's my turn to ask the questions. You've pried nearly everything out of me." There was a playful tone to Minerva's voice as she spoke the last part.

Erza scrunched her nose at that, "Hey… It's not my fault you're so interesting…"

"And you're certainly interested." Minerva said with a laugh.

Letting out a stubborn huff, Erza shook her head to compose herself and move on with the conversation, "What else could you possibly ask me? There's nothing very intriguing about my life."

Minerva rolled onto her side to face Erza, a devious look on her face, "I'll find something, I'm sure…"

"That's terrifying."

"Shush." Minerva rolled her eyes, "I know you've talked of the one guy who things will never work out with… but I want to know, that can't possibly be it in your life, right? There has to be someone else…"

Erza pursed her lips in thought, trying to think things over. She couldn't think of a face or a name to someone she liked in that way. Soon she only shook her head as her response, "I can't think of anyone, honestly."

"Really? Huh." Minerva sounded wholly surprised, "There has to be someone who you've thought about once or twice, right?"

Erza still shook her head, "Maybe I just surround myself with people not up to my romantic tastes."

"Forget about romance. This is hard to believe. Not even a friend you've just messed around with?"

"Nope. I told you, Minerva, I've done nothing interesting." Erza explained, "I've never even kissed someone."

Minerva let out a hum in response, gaze drifting down to Erza's for a moment before returning to Erza's eyes, "That's surprising. Unfortunate, even."

"Are you just going to rub it in?"

"I didn't mean to." Minerva shrugged, "Do you know what kind of person you'd be into?"

There was a moment of pause as Erza thought it over. "Well… anyone who can put up with my oddities is a plus. I don't think I have a type." She said plainly, unsure.

Minerva grinned to herself, "You weren't kidding before. You don't have much to share."

Erza let herself smile back, "Guess not."

Rolling onto her back, Minerva closed her eyes and rested a hand over her stomach. There was a hint of a smile still present on her lips, however, "I'm starting to wonder if you did anything fun at that guild. It sounds like all you fairies did there was fight."

"It's… not far off from the truth, actually. All in good spirit, though." Erza admitted with a sheepish laugh, "Us girls were prone to one thing, however."

"And that is?" Minerva asked, interest in her voice.

Erza shimmied closer to Minerva and made herself situated so that she was barely brushing up against Minerva's side, "Sleepovers." She grinned.

"And here I was, about to kick you out so I could get my beauty sleep."

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

Minerva rolled her eyes playfully, "You're lucky I'm just that tired that I can't muster the energy to manually throw you off this bed."

Erza puffed out her cheeks in annoyance, "Loosen up a bit.. It's what friends do! We're friends, right?"

"You're playing this card on purpose since you know I can't say no…"

"Perhaps..." Erza smiled guiltily.

"Fine. Suit yourself." Minerva tried to let out a bothered sigh, but the hint of a grin on her lips betrayed that attempt, "Just don't steal all the sheets. There will be hell to pay if you do."

That got a laugh out of Erza as she pulled the covers over herself and Minerva. "It's surprisingly easy to pull a soft side out of you, no matter how hard you try to bury it behind threats."

"I'm not soft." Minerva protested.

"Keep telling yourself that." As if to prove her point, Erza immediately cozied up to Minerva's side and snaked an arm around Minerva's waist, "You can't say no because deep down you don't want to say no."

Minerva let out a groan at that, almost in begrudging agreement. "Is this necessary?"

"Not particularly." Erza said, "It's kind of a habit, though. It helps me sleep better.."

"So… You get in bed with people and smother them to fall asleep?" Minerva sighed.

Wincing, Erza glanced away, "That's… not how I would have phrased it. Being close to someone when I sleep just makes me feel safer…"

Minerva mellowed out at that, glancing at Erza with a concerned look, "Are you afraid to sleep alone?"

"Most nights, no." Erza's voice dropped into something quiet, "But it does help with the nightmares."

"Nightmares, huh…" Minerva repeated. She closed her eyes and let out a heavy breath, deep and pointed. Erza thought that Minerva was annoyed and she went to pull away, but Minerva's arm wrapping around her back stopped her. "You should've led with that."

Gradually, Erza came to smile and she got herself resituated, resting her head on Minerva's collarbone. She closed her eyes and sighed contently. "You really are growing soft."

Minerva's response wasn't verbal. Instead, where her hand rested on Erza's hip, Minerva just slowly dug her nails into Erza's skin.

Erza tensed at the stabbing sensation in her side. "Ouch! Okay! You're not soft!"

Laughing to herself, Minerva retracted her nails and grinned, "Thought so."

Sleep came to Erza easily after that.

[alargebear]

A Coward and a “Leader”

Summary: Dia has a talk with Chika about why she is a leader worth following.

Pairing: ChikaDia

Links: AO3  FFnet

Note: A bit more ambiguous than I meant it to be, but I do think these two make such a great pairing. Also, I love the idea of Dia admiring Chika.

Dia clapped her hands together, signaling the end of another grueling day of practice.

"Good work today, everyone," she said, watching the group catch their breath and compose themselves. "I know our practices have been much harder these past few days, but the Love Live finals are only two weeks away now. We can't afford to slack off for even a single day if we really do want to win."

A chorus of moans and groans was her answer. She picked up her water bottle and took a long swig while wiping her forehead of the building sweat. Even as the sun began to set, the rigors of the day's workout left her limbs stiff and sore. As other members of the group broke off into groups to leave, Dia followed suit. Gathering up her things, she stuffed them into her bag.

"Hey, Dia."

"Yes, what is it You?" Dia answered, slinging her bag over her shoulder as she turned her attention to the girl approaching her.

"Can I ask you for a favor?" You's eyes trailed down to her feet.

"Of course, you can ask me anything." Dia smiled, one that You couldn't see as she kept her head low.

"You see." You rubbed her foot into the ground, eyes still fixated on her shoes. "It's about Chika."

Dia saw Kanan and Mari staring at her from across the roof. She waved them off, Kanan giving a solemn and almost knowing smile, Mari an oddly cheery wave goodbye. Something seemed off.

"Is everything alright? You two aren't fighting or anything like that, are you?." Dia stuck a finger out and pointed at You as she shifted her attention back. "We can't be having distractions like that so close to the finals."

"No. No. That's not it at all." You raised her head, waving her hands frantically in front of her face. Dia brought her hands back to her side. "It's just that… haven't you noticed she's been acting a little strange?"

"I'm not sure what you mean? Chika has been practicing just as hard as usual. In fact, she might be practicing harder than I've ever seen her, and her latest set of lyrics are some of her best." Dia tilted her head. "Am I missing something that I shouldn't be?"

"No. All that is right. It's just." You scratched her neck, eyes flicking to the side. "She's been a little different lately."

Dia followed You's quick and nervous glance. It lead to Chika, arms resting on the roof's wall and staring out at the setting sun above the ocean with no intention to leave. A rather picturesque sight if Dia had to say. Though she couldn't shake the glum feeling of it all. Chika's smile and stare didn't seem right. It lacked so much of what had drawn Dia in to begin with. Something about it almost seemed familiar, but she couldn't pin down what.

"Different how?" Dia asked, still staring.

"Like there's something bothering her." You looked back to Dia, trying to meet her eyes for the first time. "You see it, right? Her smiles all wrong. I can't explain it, but if you really look at her you can see it."

Dia nodded, looking back to You. "It looks wrong, but I'm not sure what you want me to do about it."

"Can you talk to her?"

"You want me to talk to her?" Dia went wide-eyed, one hand pointed back at her chest.

"Please?"

"Why would you want me to do it? I'm sure that you, Riko, or even Kanan would be better options for something like this. You're all much closer to her than I am."

As the words tumbled out, Dia found it hard to look back toward You. The idea of not being someone Chika could confide in stung, though she had no reason to believe otherwise. They were friends, but what more could Dia say? As highly as she held Chika, she knew well that it didn't mean the sentiment ran both ways. Her experiences driving her to push those intrusive thoughts aside before they could fester any longer.

"We've all tried." You sighed, smile dropping. "None of us can get her to talk about it, and I'm getting worried."

Dia jolted from her daze, a sweaty palm clenched at her side. "That still doesn't answer my question, though. Why do you think I'd be able to get her to open up if you guys can't?"

You's voice started shaky, almost unsure. "It was Kanan's idea, really. She thinks that you might know what to say to Chika to help her."

"She did?"

"Yeah." You looked away, one hand scratching the back of her head. "She also said something about it being good for you, too, but I don't know what she meant by that. I just want someone to help Chika smile again. It's starting to scare me a little."

Dia stole another quick look to Chika. "If you guys really do think I'd be the best for it. I can try and talk to her."

"Thank you so much, Dia."

"I'll do what I can to help her, but I can't promise that anything good will come of it," Dia answered You's nerves with a tempered smile of her own.

"I'm just happy that you'll try and talk to her." You smiled back before tugging her bag back over her shoulder. "I'd stay and see how things turn out, but I've got to go meet with the diving club today."

"That's fine. It would be for the best if was just the two of us anyway." Dia waved off You as she headed for the exit. "And please try and make sure not to overwork yourself. That would be the last thing we need now."

"Don't worry about it. I'll be fine." You gave a last wave back. "And good luck."

Dia rolled her eyes as You left, Riko and the first-years trailing not too far behind as the door to the roof closed with a thud. The rooftop now empty save for her and an unusually listless Chika still staring off into the horizon.

With slow and steady breaths, Dia took a second to recompose and focus herself. Her heartbeat still a few beats too fast, and a bout of nerves sank into the pit of her stomach. The weight of the situation latching onto her shoulders. What should have been a simple talk, senior to junior, became something Dia put too much focus on. It was her chance to be there in Chika's time of need. She needed to offer the same comfort she had been given before.

Squaring her shoulders and straightening her back, Dia took deliberate steps across the roof.

"Are you not going home yet?" she asked, taking a spot on the side of Chika. She stared out at the horizon, one hand gripped at the edge.

"Huh?" Chika shook her head.

"I asked if you were going home yet?" Dia gestured out at the empty rooftop. "Everyone else has already left for the day."

"Oh." Chika slowly licked her lips, before giving a smile. "I guess I got kinda distracted by how pretty the sky looked."

"It certainly is beautiful." Dia squeezed down on the barrier. You was right. When so close, everything about Chika was off. From the dimmed sparkle that Dia could have sworn usually surrounded the girl, to the odd tilt of her smile.

"But it's not like you to be the last to leave." Dia continued as Chika kept quiet. "I'd have assumed you'd be eager to head home with Riko or You."

"Well, Riko's working hard on the new song, and You's got her diving practice today." Chika snapped her eyes away from Dia. "I wouldn't want to get in the way of any of that, you know?"

"I can see your point." Dia's heart slowed down as the eye contact broke. "But that's still not like you at all."

Chika scratched her neck and gnawed on her lower lip. Dia took the silence as her answer and decided to press on.

"Is everything alright, Chika?"

Chika let out a long sigh, this time her loose smile fading into a straight line. "Everything's fine."

"Are you sure about that?" Dia watched as Chika's eyes focused down on her hands.

"Does it seem like something's wrong?" Chika's voice trailed off as she finished.

Something caught in Dia's throat as she tried to continue. The nerves were still heavy in her stomach, doing it's best to force down what she wanted to say.

"It's your smile." Dia blurted out with a bit more force than necessary. Her cheeks flushing as she squeezed her hand into a tight fist, digging her nails into the palm. Chika stayed silent, head cocked to the side. "Something about it seems off. I don't know how to explain it, but I can tell. We all can tell."

"I didn't mean for anyone else to notice." Chika chuckled. "That explains why Riko, You, and Kanan have been so nice to me lately."

"They're just worried about you." Dia swallowed down a growing lump, her dry throat making it hard. "I'm worried about you."

The silence gave Dia a moment to recompose. She dwelled on everything she had said. Was it the right thing to say? Was she being a good senior? Could she be the one to help Chika? It all festered in the minute of silence as Chika kept her eyes fixated on the almost fully set sun. Building itself into an uncomfortable sweat that Dia was forced to wipe away from her forehead. The hyperactive reassurance that Dia always took solace in was gone, replaced with bouts of nerves and uncertainties.

Dia wasn't sure those feelings were entirely her own, or because of Chika's sadness. Most likely a hearty combination of both.

"Do you think I'm the leader of Aqours, Dia?" Chika asked, her voice much lower.

Dia stared wide-eyed for a moment before answering. "Of course I do. I know we've never said it out loud, but all of us see you as our leader. All this was your idea, after all. It wouldn't be right for anyone else to take that position."

"I thought so."

"Do you not think so?"

"That's not it. I know that I have a responsibility to be some sort of leader since this was all my idea in the first place." Chika waited a second before speaking back up. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm the best person to lead everyone now that so many people have joined."

"And what makes you think you aren't fit to be our leader?" Dia asked with a subdued annoyance.

Something nearing anger welled up inside as she heard Chika's self-doubts. Hearing those kinds of things from someone you held in high regard brought ugly emotions up that Dia hadn't expected. Dia had always thought Chika was special, why couldn't she see it in herself? The question only continued to dampen her mood.

"Well, you know," Chika said. "I just think there might be someone better at it than I am."

"I'm not so sure about that. I believe that you've been a great leader for all us."

"Thanks, Dia." Chika tucked a stray hair back behind her ear, attention still on the setting sun. "But we have some amazing people in Aqours. I'm sure that one of them would be better at all this."

"Who do you think would be a better leader than you? Because I can't see anyone bringing this group together like you did. What you did was very special." The honesty in Dia's words even surprised herself. It was easy for her to talk up what she felt to be Chika's most alluring traits, no matter how difficult it often was for her.

"I don't know about that. I just really wanted to be a school idol and thought that if we had a lot of people it would be even more fun. So I tried hard to make that happen." Chika tore her eyes to meet Dia's. "But I'm sure if anyone else tired, they could have done it, too. Aqours has some amazing people in it, you know?"

"Yes it does, and you're one of them. I'm not sure why you can't see that."

"Because I don't think it's true." Chika's hands shot up, waving of Dia's stare as she continued. "I bet that You could make a great leader, she's cheerful and fun. Or Kanan, she's always been kinda like an older sister to me. Mari's also great at making people happy, so maybe even she could do it."

Dia tightened her fist at her side, nails digging in deeper. "You know as well as I do that You wouldn't want to take your spot. Despite how cheerful she is, she can be very emotional when it comes to certain members of the group. You know that I did hear about what happened between you and her recently."

"You're right about that." Chika's voice picked up its pace. "But that still leaves Kanan and Mari."

"Mari would be an automatic no from me. She may know how to keep everyone happy, but she's much to mischievous to be leading a group like this." Chika opened her mouth to argue back, but Dia was quick to continue, holding up a finger. "And I'm sure that Kanan would make a great leader if she actually wanted to, but I doubt it's something she'd be very willing to do given what's happened before. She prefers supporting us from the side like she does now. Plus, I know that she has full confidence in you and wouldn't want anyone else taking your spot."

Chika opened and closed her mouth, trying to find a rebuttal but failing. Deciding instead to wring her hands together and have her eyes wander from each corner of the roof, making sure not to meet Dia's.

"I don't understand why you think someone else wouldn't be able to do this," Chika said. Her voice almost too quiet for Dia to hear.

"Because you're special!" Dia's emotions came out in a single loud shout. "I'm not sure how many times I have to remind you of that fact, but it's true. I could never imagine someone else doing what you did. Nobody could ever take your place, and that's all there is to it. No matter how much you try and deny it"

"I'm only doing it because I need to do it." Chika flinched as Dia shot a furious glare. "Then what about you?"

"What about me?" Dia narrowed her eyes, meeting Chika's. Her emotions slipping out faster and faster.

"You could take my place. I mean, everybody already looks up to you. You keep everyone on track and even lead practices. It's like you're our leader already."

Instinctively, Dia reached out and took one of Chika's hands into her own. She surprised herself with the gestures straightforward nature, but Chika's words were frustrating.

"I am not our leader, and I will never be our leader." Dia squeezed hard onto Chika's hand. "Nobody could ever replace you. Especially someone like me."

Chika shook her head, eyes glancing between her held hand and Dia's eyes. "But why? I know that you'd be great. You already do a lot of the leadery stuff anyways."

"Being strict and following the rules is not what makes a good leader." DIa's palm began to sweat, her fingers trembled. "You draw people in and do whatever you can to make sure everyone feels like they belong. You always knew what to do when you needed to. I could never do that."

"But I screw up all the time." Chika gnawed on her lower lip. "I don't think you'd mess up as much as I do."

Dia felt a tight squeeze, this time Chika being the one to look for reassurance in the tight grip. It felt like a search for help, for guidance or maybe something more, Dia wasn't too sure. But she knew it was Chika reaching out to her for the first time. She was finally someone that Chika could turn to.

"I've had my fair share of screw ups, you know?" Dia hadn't expected to bring any of it up. Feelings long buried that felt easy to relive as long as they helped bring Chika solace Chika's gentle thumb on the back of her hand helped.

"You don't have to say it if you don't want to."

"But I do. You should understand that nobody is perfect. Even if you are amazing at seeing the best in everyone, they have flaws just like you." Dia grinned and Chika looked away, a light pink on her cheeks. "You know, when everything was happening with me, Kanan, and Mari in our first year, I never did anything."

"What do you mean?"

"I was being a coward, really." Dia never said it out loud, she never expected to, but Chika seemed to always make things easier. "All I had to do was tell Mari about what was going on with Kanan, and we could have all stayed together like nothing ever happened. Our friendship might have never been broken, and we could have gone on being idols and making memories."

"Why didn't you?" Chika turned to fully face Dia, inching her face closer.

"Like I said. I was a coward. I've never been as strong as you seem to think I am."

"Do you ever regret it?"

"I used to." Dia licked her dry lips, Chika's intense staring triggering her rapid heartbeat. "But you changed all that. Without you and Aqours I'd probably still be hiding behind my student council work. Instead, I'm in an idol group with eight friends that I've come to cherish, and none of it could have ever happened without you."

"Did I really do all that?" Chika's eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

"You did, and that's why you're the best leader that this group could have ever asked for." Dia struggled to continue as her next words came out strangled, and her cheeks flushed. "So I don't ever want to hear you talk about this ever again. You're our leader, and even if you might not feel like it, we all want you to continue being exactly like you are now. So don't you ever think about quitting."

Chika pulled her hand back, and Dia feared that she had said something wrong. Being too open or to candid about thoughts and feelings that she couldn't even keep straight. Afraid that she had let Chika down in the one time she wanted to be there.

The hug wasn't expected. Dia stood ramrod straight as arms snaked around her waist and pulled in. She held her arms out, not knowing whether to embrace back as Chika's head laid on her shoulder.

"Thanks." Chika's words were muffled into Dia's shirt between shakes of the head and quiet sniffles.

With stiff arms, Dia reciprocated the hug, wrapping her arms around Chika's shoulders. "Did I help?"

Chika kept her head on Dia's shoulder, nodding in response. "I'll keep trying my best."

"That's all you have to do."