#but anyway they are my kids and i'd protect them with my life ok

[ariel-cohen-art]

I just had a dream and I think it's about A.I art, and it gave me an interesting insight I thought I'd share. If you can stand to read a relatively long crazy dream.

I went to a picnic with my college friends (I go to art school. We are all artists then.) There I met, among many of my friends, a very white boy, almost albino looking, who doesn't really exist irl. He offered me chocolate from a foreign brand. Cool thing about that chocolate: Its whole branding was "Hey kids! *You're a changeling*. Here's what the kid you replaced is eating in the fae realm!" (Lowkey awesome branding. Also interesting. I'd always thought about changelings as a human baby being taken to the fae realm, but I never considered the fae kid who stays in their place. How long until they realize they don't belong? Do they ever go back to the fae realm? Btw, I promise all of this is relevant.)

So after the picnic all of us took a bus and went back to an abandoned-ish place. I listened to my "Ode to Loneliness" playlist on the bus (I actually have this playlist. It's the "I wanna be alone bc I don't belong in this world" playlist. I like it.)

Now cut to another scene. A robot actress, at a press conference, basically advertising herself as a product, talking about how her robot company had made her and how realistic and beautiful she was. She *was* beautiful, and actually worked as an actress. But then a guy came and tried to shoot her, to stop her from stealing real actresse's jobs. He missed the shot and the robot had to be removed from the conference.

Now back to me and my group of artist losers. We got to the abandoned place. The reason we were there was because the white boy had been giving a mission by the King of Dreams (Yep. Morpheus himself, Dream of the Endless, the Sandman, The Oneiromancer, ma' boy. ✨️). Now this boy was kinda proud, (... a proud.. boy.. that's why he was white, I love my brain fr) he had a bit of a superiority complex, so he hated the idea of there *being* a god or king of dreams, with power above him, telling him what to do, but he did what Morpheus asked anyway. He created a mummy. (He didn't bring it back to life. I think he used a mummy as a vessel, but the life he created was new, it just incarnated in the mummy. Like Frankenstein.).

So the mummy woke up and started asking who created him and who created his creator. He then got violent and started attacking people and I woke up.

*Ok but what is the point about A.I art in this dream?*

So what called my attention when I woke up was the contrast. The robot artist, a perfect and confident actress. Even when she was targeted by the shooter, she was protected and comforted like a human would. The crowd looked genuinely upset for her.

Meanwhile there's the real human artists. Our messy disaster boy with a questionable personality, feeling commissioned by outside forces beyond his control, yielding to them and creating a monster. Like all art, it was formed out of something that had already existed in the past. A terrifying creation just as messy as he was, full of confusion, anger issues and existential anguish.

That is what a real artist is like. This is how real art is made. Real artists listen to "loneliness playlists" while in a bus full of people they know. We eat our changeling themed chocolates to cope with the fact that we feel like changelings, stuck in the human realm, left behind and out of place. We have questionable personalities and beliefs, massive egos and a ton of existential anguish. Human art is made because we exist and live like that.

While A.I art is perfect, flawlessly beautiful and beloved by the masses, human art is a messy mirror created by even messier artists to reflect who we are. It suffers as we do, it mirrors our questionings, our violence, our deepest thoughts. It is our imperfect monster.

[yakumtsaki]

We're back for the last update before Barflina fucks off to college! This is one giant update I have to split in 2 parts them thanks to the liferuining new 30 pics limit, I will post part 2 right after this one. I don't mean to be dramatic but the universe cannot contain my hatred for the new post editor. At least I have Wendi looking all cute and regal.

-I will NEVER have kittens with Shinok, I hate him and his stupid, not coordinated grey leg coloring!

What?? WHO CARES

-I care, look at my beautiful cohesive coat! His genes would ruin it and our kids would be freaks!

-Jimbo, on the other hand, is a perfect specimen! Now that's a good addition to my gene pool!

Jimbo, the leopard print, custom slider freakshow DOG is a perfect specimen for you, Wendi the CAT. I'm starting to suspect you're a cross-species perv and Shinnok's legs aren't the problem here.

-Shut it! Leave that elderly deer bitch Veronica, Jim, and run away with me!

-Oh Wendi, I don't know, it seems wrong..

-I hear you, baby, but maybe it's so wrong.. it's right?

-KEEP YOUR SLUTTY PERVERTED WIFE AWAY FROM MY MAN, SHINNOK

-HOW AM I THE ONE GETTING BEAT UP I HATE THIS HOUSE I HATE MY LIFE

-I'M RUNNING AWAY AND NEVER COMING BACK, YOU CAN KISS THE CAT LEGACY GOODBYE!!!

10 seconds later:

-Ok I'm back, just in time for my birthday!

Happy birthday, Shinnok, your present is your dad dying at the exact same time. WTF @ game timing.

-Daddy no!

-I'm off to join your mother in cat heaven, Shinnok!

-But Mom hated you!

-Oh right she did, well she's probably in Hell anyway. Guard those mismatched grey legs you got from me, they are my legacy!

-I will Dad! I will!!

RIP Klaus, you were a sweetheart, I'm sorry you had to mate with Kitana💔

Xander and Sandy are each other's fav and Sandy is constantly late for work because she's fucking around playing with him. I'd like to remind you guys that I've been trying to get her to the top of the culinary career since SOPHITO AND SUGAR WERE CHILDREN

-B̷U̴T ̸I ̷L̷O̷V̴E̵ XA̴N̸D̵E̶R̵🧟‍♀️

Will you get your zombie ass to work, Xander will be here when you come back!

NEVER MIND. WHY CAN'T THIS GAME SPACE OUT THE PET DEATHS A LITTLE GOOD GOD.

RIP Xander, you were the best dog we've had so far, you were so good and loyal and kept running into fires with your dumbass owners. I'll miss you💔

-I ̴D̶I̵D̶ ̶I̷T, I F̷I̸N̷A̴L̷L̶Y̵ ̵D̴I̸D̵ ̶I̸T̶! W̴H̵E̷R̷E̵'̸S̶ M̵Y ̸D̵O̷G̷ ̴BA̷B̷Y🧟‍♀️

Sandy I'm so happy for you, and also I'd like to talk to you about the law of equivalent exchange.

Could it be that there are too many people in this house?? Could it??? I'm starting to feel it's possible.

OH FFS, VERONICA

AWWWW they have Jimbo's spots, so cute! God this lot is gonna explode.

SO CUTE. MY HEART

Time for Liz's cucky birthday party with no guests because I'm already tempting fate with this lot.

-Thank you, balloons, for protecting the viewing public from Failina's face. -This face has been making out with Meadow Thayer while you're getting rejected by the Tricou Don clones. -SHUT UP I'LL KILL YOU -Can I blow my candles now? -Not yet, Mom, I'm not done bringing up Barf's humiliating dating failures.

Please go ahead, Liz, and also where the hell is your husband.

-Playing catch with Sugar.

Of course he is.

-Happy birthday to me!

Do you feel any different, other than this awful outfit that I'm changing asap?

-Now that you mention it I do..

-..I feel the inexplicable need to fight with my 100yo mother-in-law despite the fact we're friends!

Liz wtf WHY

-There can only be one cunty matriarch around here and it is I! And also I'm a way better lawyer than you ever were! Now let me just get my makeover-

-So I can berate you some more!

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. Liz wtf is your problem??? It's literally like a switch flipped as soon as she aged up, what on earth.

-I EAT LITTLE 60YOS LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST, BITCH

She does, Liz, she really does. You come at the queen, you best not miss! But I still don't get why this feud erupted out of nowhere??

Oh my God.. IT'S BARFLINA. We have the quite possibly first case in history where it isn't the adults exposing the children to violence and setting abusive patterns, it's the other way around!!! YOU TWO ARE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART, EVEN SHAJAR AND HER 1 NICE POINT ARE HORRIFIED -GOOD, THIS FAMILY CAN GO TO HELL!!! FROM ITS ASHES MY NEW DYNASTY WILL RISE -SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR DYNASTY ALREADY -YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A DYNASTY BECAUSE NO ONE WILL EVEN DATE YOU -THEY SO WILL AND THEY'LL BE BETTER THAN YOUR BIMBO -TAKE HER NAME OUT OF YOUR GROSS MISSHAPEN MOUTH -WE HAVE THE SAME MOUTH, MORON -YA BUT MINE HAS BEEN KISSED, INCEL -I'LL KILL YOU -I'LL KILL YOU MORE

-Dad, someone will date me, right?? -Of course they will, son! You'll be a hoe, like your dad was before you! -But no one wants to date me! You had 50 first dates, I clearly get my genes from you but not the success! -Well, you'll have to relax and play it cool. You come across a little neurotic and/or psychotic. You get that from your mom. -You're right, Dad, I won't call the matchmaker until I'm as relaxed as one of those pimples chilling on Failina's gross oily forehead!

-Ah, nothing more relaxing than a nice, hot cup of tea..

-..with the view of Uncle Sugar setting Sandy's spine back in place. -I̸T FE̵L̸L ̴O̸F̷F🧟‍♀️ -Ok, I'm ready for my date!

See you in part 2, coming right up!

[a-libra-writes]

HIII!! can i ask, how do you write Mordecai Heller?? THANK YOUU!!

hmm Ill try to answer this best I can and try not to ramble too long but we'll see how that goes... Im not gonna act like im an expert or whatever, this is just my thought process ig? ALSO Im ace and so is he, and I add my own experiences into my writing. Anyway the long version here:

so first thing's first!! READ THE COMIC ALSO THE SIDE COMICS ALSO ALL THE EXTRAS bc esp the extras, you get to see a lot of his personality pre-Marigold. It's two very distinct points in his life - I'd venture to say that pre-Lackadaisy and early Lackadaisy Mordecai are also very different (and that makes sense - he was a kid, and he was with the Lackadaisy crew for 7 years). He has a very distinct character progression that in my opinion is very interesting and well-written!

actually, p much all lackadaisy characters are well-written, but mordecai is a fun case because he just has so much going on: his social skills are abysmal, and he doesn't seem to find it a problem. he has committed brutal murders and executions and considers them 'just business'. he doggedly pursues discrepancies. he fixates on things being neat and symmetrical if possible. He can deal with things not being that way, for a time (note when he's covered in bloody and filthy from a job, he doesn't freak out - because that's Business (tm) and he can just wash up anyway. But a driver getting a snot mess all over the car he has to drive in all the time? Unforgivable.) he grew up in squalor and has a serious phobia of spiders and rats. He's emotionally repressed in more ways than one. He's queer and is deeply uncomfortable with people (especially women) touching him or showing interest. He still thinks about his sisters fondly. he also thinks they're better off without him. He actually found a friend (or more) in Viktor and he'd never, ever, ever say it, and his way of keeping his friend out of crime and 'protecting' him was by shooting his kneecaps. his sense of humor is crap, and he doesn't understand why his mannerisms would be considered amusing. he got into crime at a young age, doing gangster's finances for them. as a kid.

im missing some other tidbits, but you get it. the dude is real interesting to think about and write, to say the least.

I think a lot of writing mordecai, esp if you're writing a more romantic fic or even if it's just platonic - he's so closed off! part of why the Savoys are so interested in him is they've worked with him a year and he just doesn't loosen up or talk much about himself. he and viktor knew each other seven whole-ass years and you think they ever talked about their families? how they came to know atlas? what they thought about the job? granted, Viktor is just as closed-off himself, but you get what im saying. he has a serious problem with letting people in, and part of writing him is getting a crowbar and figuring out which spot to put it in and bend it juuuust enough to open something up.

ok that metaphor went somewhere weird, but you get me. and, if im being honest, a LOT of what i channel is my own asexual experience. I used to be very touch averse, especially to the opposite gender - to the point where i'd panic if I felt a man was "too close" (i.e. less than 2 feet) and "lingering" (aka minding his business). I didnt mind my friends hugging me, but I didnt really like the cuddle sessions my female friends wanted to do, and after a point, I disliked hugs from my male friends. if a guy was crushing on me? Hell no, he wasnt going near me, even if I thought he was cute too (when I was younger I DEF had a thing for my female friends too, but i registered that as 'gaaaaal paaaals' for the LONGEST time until I accepted I was bi) There was like - an undercurrent of fear and anxiety. It took me a long time to identify why. while other people seemed delighted when people they liked held their hands and hugged and kissed, it sent me into a panic.

eventually i figured out my thought process: physical affection will inevitably lead to sex, and bc i thought i was straight, there was the terrifying thought of ... oh god if i date a guy he'll expect me to have sex. oh no oh no oh no-

(and no, no one taught me much about consent or taking things slow or talking to your partner. i had to figure it out, which sucked.)

all this to say ... when I write Mordecai, especially in a romantic sense, I kind of channel that anxiety I felt in my teens and early 20s. and like, this is the 1920's!!!!* Not to mention his upbringing, and of course his line of work - where he definiately cant have feelings getting in the way of murdering someone. I think this adds up to someone whose repressing themselves - their sexual thoughts (or lack thereof), memories of family, romantic thoughts, platonic thoughts, and so on.

I like to think - again, this is fanfiction, I seriously doubt it'll come up in the comics - in a romantic relationship (or even an intense platonic one), he gets intense about it. Because Mordecai is an intense guy - you can't hatchet up someone "because i was told to", or kneecap a friend you wanted to "protect", or switch sides to your father figure's rival and pretend like you betrayed everyone just to investigate that father figure and not be, uh. some kind of Intense. I often think that, in a relationship, his jealousy and confusion/apprehension around affection and sexuality would be just as intense. And eventually, the feelings of loyalty and devotion ... once he finally lets himself have it. Because I also think, to some degree, he doesn't think he should have it - just like he thinks his sisters and mother should just leave him behind.

when im writing him in the romantic sense - as I began to accept and understand my sexuality, and talk through my feelings with my partner (also generally have better mental health, my touch averseness got a lot better.** Again, Im also kind of projecting my feelings and experiences onto Mordecai regarding this. I like to think that, once he really trusts someone and allows them to touch him, other barriers begin to tumble down. its like raw nerves being touched sometimes, but he steadily gets used to it and eventually takes solace in it (now getting him to ADMIT that srfjsdfs--)

anyway! As always, fanfic is fanfic. You are free to characterize this murdercat however you wish. These are just the jumbled thoughts that run around in my brain.

* Asexuality, like homosexuality and many shades of queerness, was considered an illness. IF anyone even acknowledged asexuality at all - its definition and terminology hadn't really caught on until the 1970's, though the Kinsey scale attempted to address it (and Jennie June attempted to write and define this in the 1920s, but I seriously doubt her writings were widespread).

**A stranger can brush past me or put a hand on me and I only have a few seconds of anxiety. My friends and family can hug me for a while, or I can cuddle up to them. I don't mind my husband cuddling or kissing me at all anymore; he's actually the one person I can tolerate sustained affection from. A huge part of this change came from accepting and understand my asexuality as part of me. I wasnt "messed up" and "broken".

[pathologicalreid]

for the fear of falling apart - part five!!

first of all I want to say that I this series is one of the most well written pieces I‘ve read for spencer!

I‘m in love with jareau!reader, they will always have a very special place in my heart and how you‘ve written the concept, the difficulties, the relationship between reader and spencer and the relationship between jj and reader is sooo perfect and well thought about.

“Why are you going to stay here, JJ? Do you want to stay at the hospital for my sake or for Spencer’s?”

gagged her ngl.

…but you didn't have the gracefulness to coddle her anymore.

this part. I love how reader made it clear that yes they are sisters, that’s unchangeable, but them being friends? not gonna be like before.

the comparison with the broken vase was so good, it can be fixed but the cracks will stay.

“Oh, for years in his letters, he’d always talk about you. Even before you started dating – it was always about you in a way I’d never heard him talk about anyone,”

yeah spencer was head over heels for reader since day, love this little part so much, also diana remembering all the letters must mean that reader really was a highlight in those, making her trust reader so much is chef’s kiss!!

also!! reader pregnant and spencer already instantly being protective and asking if they checked if everything was ok and them asking him if he was happy because then they could feel happy about this ahhh

it‘s a girl. calling it right now it‘s a girl because!

“A little kid. A girl…“

“…maybe the little girl is a manifestation of hope.“

like hello? it has to be a girl!

Margot thank you sooo much for writing such a meaningful and beautiful series!

and if you ever decide to write a little something about how spencer and reader are adapting to being parents, or about how the pregnancy is going or whatever comes to your mind I‘d take it, I‘d read it, I‘d love it.

also in general I‘ll be excited to read whatever you come up with next, it‘s gonna be just as good! <33

omg opening tumblr to this i died dead im on the floor

i so badly wanted to make the relationships in ffofa feel real and i'm so happy to see that people have recognized that and YOU my beautiful anon have recognized that and i love you for it

but actually reader sitting at spencer's bedside and begging jj to be a better sister. phew.

the voices in my head were telling me to give jareau!reader and spencer a baby so bad like i absolutely had to do it. canonically spencer wants children so badly it feels like the best way to give him a happy ending.

i'd be sooooo down to write a "where are they now" kind of thing for jareau!reader and spencer but also part of me wants to build on their relationship. if they got together in between s7 and s8 that's a lot of lore that we missed before we first meet them in ffofa.

anyways anon i love you you're the light of my life this is such a beautiful message

[omentranslates]

Owari no Seraph chapter 131 english fan translation

Howdy tumbly vampire fans, please enjoy this text only fan translation of the new chapter. The official has already been out for a little over 12 hrs at here so this is just for fun pls make sure to read that one if you haven't ;)

Color page text: Determination set in eyes gazing straight towards the future

Owari no Seraph chapter 131: All Are Forgiven

Yuu: So heaven is up there, I guess that makes this Hell.

Mika: Ah, Yuuchan there's one there!!

Bear: *roaring*

Yuu: Sorry about this, I'm gonna eat you.

Mika: What number was that?

Yuu: Third one. Oh, sweet.

Mika: We've gotta get enough food stockpiled up, since Yuuchan's gas mileage sucks.

Yuu: You're the one eating all the power, we'll preserve this stuff so I'll have it while we're on the move.

Mika: Mmk, I'll start the fire. Yuuchan, you do the gutting and stuff.

Yuu: K.

Yuu: Gonna take this off so no blood gets on it, be a pain in the ass to wash off.

Yuu: Man, I really want curry or something.

Mika: We had curry the last day I was human, didn't you eat my share?

Yuu: WHAT, NO I DIDN'T I SAVED YOU SOME.

Mika: The last curry the kids had, did they enjoy it?

Yuu: They said they wished you were there too.

Mika: No shit? Guess the play's less fun when it's missing its lead.

Mika: Got me thinking how I wanna eat curry together with everyone when we bring them all back to life.

Yuu: You can eat curry???

Mika: Well since the Great Mikaela will doubtless be human again.

Yuu: Someone's looking ahead all of a sudden.

Mika: I mean that's what we decided, I can't help it. Would you rather I stop?

Yuu: Go ahead. Actually no, help me dress this meat.

Mika: Can't, too busy scheming.

Yuu: *screaming*

Mika: So to summarize, what we have to do is gather the sin keys and resurrect Mikaela. And...the people who've been gathering them all ready are Ferid and Guren. Whatever their thought process is.

Yuu: Pretty sure Guren's goal is to resurrect humanity. With no Mikaela.

Mika: Any ideas about Ferid?

Yuu: I don't think anyone has any idea about Ferid. Probably whatever the worst possible thing in the world is.

Mika: Oh, ok but if the past we saw is factual, then you ARE Mikaela.

Yuu: Oh?

Mika: Meaning, for Guren to get what he wants, everyone except you will be resurrected.

Yuu: Uhhh, this got complicated. Really?

Mika: Well isn't it? Mikaela's resurrection will require those sin keys, but so would humanity's.

Yuu: Yeah.

Mika: But the angel Mikaela was actually Yuuchan.

Yuu: Seems that way

Mika: So then, yeah.

Mika: And that turns our whole situation around, doesn't it? I actually don't care if anyone else gets resurrected, so this is great for my goal being to just protect you no matter what. Realized that somewhere along the way.

Yuu: Oh, so that's where the sudden burst of motivation came from. Like how you used to be.

Mika: Ta-da!!! All the Fool Yuuchan must do to succeed is come along with the Great Mikaela!

Mika: I will definitely save you!

Yuu: You sure are excited about that.

Mika: I can't have you dying on me now, Yuuchan. Not after we've come all this way.

Yuu: I mean sure.

Mika: Huh, I thought for sure you were gonna say something like 'well then I'll become the sacrifice and it'll turn out fine.' Yuu: Well it's not like we really know which is which. Seems like I was a lot smarter in the past.

Mika: True, true. None of that carried over, for you anyways.

Yuu: You mean to say that I'm even smarter now, right?

Mika: Why yes of course.

Yuu: We still can't choose a course of action 'til we know, though. If we don't resurrect the angel Mikaela, one of us could die and then we're in trouble.

Mika: Ok but is the angel Mikaela a separate person? And to resurrect THEM we need those 7 keys? We'd be seriously stuck if resurrecting them caused you to disappear.

Yuu: I dunno actually I'd be fine with that

Mika: I wouldn't.

Yuu: Well, I wouldn't be fine if it was you either.

Mika: Yeah.

Yuu: So, so far we have that the First's goal is to resurrect the angel Mikaela and then use their life to resurrect all the angels, right?

Mika: Most likely yeah

Yuu: And Guren's goal is to use those keys to resurrect all of humanity?

Mika: Right

Yuu: So then my....or the angel Mikaela's goal was to..?

Mika: They kept saying they wanted to save the First.

Yuu: Yeah

Mika: And there's no way to do that without first resurrecting all of the angels, right?

Yuu: Ok

Mika: But we have to remember that every time there's a resurrection, divine punishment is dispensed. Who's going to be the next sacrifice?

Yuu: Alright, then my goal will be to do this without bringing punishment down on anyone.

Mika: I hope I'm right in presuming that no one receiving heavenly punishment will include you?

Mika: For you to perform the resurrection as the angel Mikaela and accept punishment in place of the First, in order to resurrect the angels and the humans, and that be it....you understand why we can't do that, right?

Yuu: Aren't you supposed to be thinking of a way I don't have to?

Mika: Yeah, I am. But if the decision comes down like that anyways, promise me you won't sacrifice yourself.

Yuu: ...

Mika: I'm not lifting another finger to help until you promise me that you won't give up on yourself, even til the very end.

Yuu: If you wanna be like that, if we find out along the way that the angel Mikaela really was you, will you promise the same thing? That you won't sacrifice yourself?

Mika: Yeah, alright.

Mika: Y'know this whole story, as long as we keep just sacrificing ourselves over and over, it won't end. The despair and obsession will just repeat themselves.

Mika: But...I've already died once. If we're fixing everything on this meaningless life anyways

Mika: This lifetime, we're going to move forward sacrificing no one and winning it all. That's the promise I want to make, Yuuchan.

Yuu: It's really like....you're seriously starting to remind me of the way you used to be again.

Mika: Whatever, just promise me Yuuchan. That you won't give up on yourself.

Yuu: So do you have a plan, then? Our enemies are real smart. Guren, Mahiru, the First, Saitou and Ferid.

Mika: No way, we've got someone way smarter on our side.

Yuu: Oh wow you mean me?

Mika: But actually, we're the ones in first place right now. Since everyone else still thinks the angel Mikaela is me. If we can keep them from finding out about that...I've got a plan that'll knock every one of them off their feet, I've thought of the meanest scheme in the entire world.

Yuu: Whoaa!!! I expect nothing less from the most infamously mean-...

Mika: DON'T YOU EVEN

Yuu: Then let's get to it!!

Mika: Right!

Yuu: ...so what are we getting to again?

Official Lodging of the Japanese Imperial Demon Army

Saitou: Well hey there, what an unusual caller. What have you come for?

They've finally made a move towards accomplishing their goal.....!!

[cerealmonster15]

no wait talk 2 me abt rook&vil they're so silly (unless ur legitimately busy but I will listen if u ever want to talk abt sillies lol)

god i had to restrain myself from literally screenshotting every single convo vil and rook have ever had bc theres Simply Too Much, and even trying to contain myself i still went over the limit LOL god ok anyway love is real and i have to put in a readmore bc i love posting screenshots and talking FOREVER!!!!!

one of my earlier memories of them was back when i first got into twst in 2020 and reading random card stories. i remember the jade leech dorm story and i just got his card recently so i got to relive married couple vil and rook experiencing Jade Leech Behavior

"you're making me jealous~ is he as good as meeee~" and vils like well kinda LOL but also in the rook lab coat story

aka the one where rooks openly thirsting after leona and teases vil about being jealous about it. like hello. ?? ?!?!!?!?!?!

also TWO instances of vil casually dropping that leonas attractive

a pretty face. a good looking layabout. vil no one is making you say these things.

anyway i just love how openly loving rook is in general, but especially with vil 😭

^both from the jade dorm story.... vil shows up and hes like Oh My God Life Is Beautiful. ok well hes like that about everything but he does it More when vils around :')

god this whole second half of rooks lab story is soooooooo hshdhfhehheskefkjjdfjfgfdg yknow????? like the whole story is half rook being So Very Weird About Leona fkjefskljdf "if those sharp fangs of his pierced my windpipe, why, i'd be done for in an instant. the very notion makes my heart quiver" ROOK BE NORMAL CHALLENGE just kidding i love that hes a freak it's so fun. he says something kinda similar about vil??? i cant remember which instance it was - i wanna say maybe when vil got kidnapped in Halloween 2 or book 6 or something? where he said something like "oh no, i know vil doesnt need my protection. if i dared imply such a thing he'd kick me in the head with his six inch heels lol 🤗" like HELLO????

speaking of halloween 2, omg. i forgot to take screenshots but that whole bit makes me insane. he calls vil "my etolle/ my star" and is agonizing over his disappearance......... hes so overjoyed to see him again and rushes to his side when theyre reunited,, and omfg i also forgot the part in masquerade where hes getting ready to leave and hes like "here is a flower, im so sorry im leaving you alone vil, ill be back to you before this flower blooms ♥" like literally why was he so romantic about it. vils like dude you will be gone Three Days fjklsejklfjkls i cant get over it. it's so FUNNY and so,,, hfhdhhhghf. the way he and vil act like parents of pomefiore is so cute too. like when theyre leaving rooks like "dont worry vil ill be with epel to make sure things are going okay!!" and vils like "hmm. yea idk im still worried actually" bc he loves rook but he also knows rook better than anyone LOL

anyway i got distracted, back to the rook lab coat story

this part is so good. rook is going on and on about leona and vils like "ok so just join spelldrive club and bother him there" and rooks immediately like "no. im in science club so i can help you with special effects for your film work to support you " HE LITERALLY SAYS SUPPORT WITH HIS LOVE WAHHHH god they make me go bonkers actually. a lot of what rook does is out of love and support for vil and his pursuit of beauty wahhhh

he likes being close to vil

he knows vils exact measurements, he even says in vils lab story that the only person that looks at vil longer than vil is him lol

he was so enthusiastic about vil and his work that hed run up to him and just talk forever and ever until vil finally spoke back to him and they were just INSEPARABLE after. i think so often about that bit where they say they talked so much they GOT SICK IN THE SNOW!!!! HELLO HI CAN ANYONE HEAR ME- theyre so full of matched passion i love them so much no one understands them like they understand each other AUGHHHH

anyway back to rook mentioning he wants to be up close to vil and his pursuit of beauty,,, i ALSO cant stop thinking about how thats literally one of the reasons he TRANSFERRED DORMS TO POMEFIORE

it means everything to him to be at vils side as long as possible and the fact that he cant when theyre away on their internships in fourth year is devastating WAHHHH 😭😭😭

but also. beanfest.

LIKE. HSDFHDSLJ every time they interact in this entire event is So Charged. hey rook your body is bulked up, i know this because I Was Looking. vil i am so excited to brawl with you one on one ive been anticipating it for a month. back and forth banter with each other and then just

whatever this is. and epel standing there like 🧍‍♂️ I Will Avoid Them Actually. jfksdlfjdkslfjkj

hes So Fucking Excited when it's time to fight vil,,, he even brought evil face trey LOL

"btw you look hot-" thats nice rook

THEY ARE FLIRTING. and then rook literally Sent Trey Away because he was so excited for his 1v1 with his beloved husband skdjfdskl and trey was like "yea i dont wanna be involved Bye 🚶‍♂️" fjlkdsfj no one wants to get tangled up in their Strange Relationship

also this line vil says in the home screen

ive seen fanart about this too thats like "hmm. vil most of you is covered. you have no hard to reach parts. it's like, your hands and neck and face 🤨" and it's so tender, rook putting sunblock on vils hands.... but also WHY cant you do that YOURSELF, HMM?? 🤨🤨🤨

ok ok ok but then. book 5 finale. i remember some people were Rook Haters after that and i simply do not agree!! and apparently some people dont like book 5. cant relate!!!!!!! rook hunt dislikers do not interact book 5 is everything to me!!!!

i might have those out of order but sjdklfjelsjkfdjsklf DFHDLKSJFLDKF GODDDD I CANT TAKE ITTTT 😭 rook going on and on about how it doesnt matter what vil looks like but as long as hes confident like rook knows he is then he will always be beautiful!!! i didnt get screenshots of that part in book 6 where theyre flying back and vil Turned Old but i love how loving and supportive rook is while vils just having his breakdown 🥺

idk man i just really like their interaction about this whole think ;A; like yea vil practically fell over in BETRAYAL when he saw rook voted for their enemy LOL but then i like that hes like "please. i know you and i know you dont make biased decisions ever, you always tell what you truly believe in your heart," and and and god damn it tumblr wont let me post any more photos but vil SMILES and hands rook back his handkerchief to let him dry his own tears and it's just SWEET WAHHH listennnnNNNN. i think it's nice. vil couldve gone off and been super mad at rook but he wasn't 😭 like he wasnt happy lol, but he knows rook. he understands [as much as one can LOL] rook. and rook loves and supports vil with everything he has, but hes also true to his heart and i think thats something vil really values about rook and a big part of why he keeps him around. it can be a positive and a negative, sure- this isnt the only time rooks honest to a fault lol, but i love,, multifaceted characters with deep relationships....

point is i lay facedown on the floor and cry for hours when i think too hard about vil and rook bc theres just So Much Love..... i cant get really coherent points or analysis out i just love repeating parts that happen in the game and posting six million screenshots bc thats all thats happening in my brain constantly JKFLJDSKLDJS i love rookvil. one of the ships ever. theyre married your honor theyre MARRIED and also being in a toxic yaoi polycule with leona is very funny to me jfklejskljfe marriage + divorce love wins(?)

[rivka-kopelman]

Crepuscular Lemur: Log 0.3

<view full log>

[July Xth, 30XX]

Hi it's Delivery Lemur. Taking a little break right now.

I want a coffee, but I just ate a sweet_orange bar, and I've learned that coffee flavor right after orange is really gross so I'm gonna wait for a bit.

This is planet Thusp. It's uninhabited. I wonder if I could climb any of those hills?

I crack the airlock and let the breeze in. Great air quality on Thusp.

How hard it would be to build a house here? Would a house ruin the view?

Maybe. Not if you were in it, though.

Anyway.

I check my delivery in-tray. Transport a pillowcase from 16 main street to 19 main street in Robby-Tobby-Town on Wobzob-III ... pass! Maybe in my old age I'll do braindead missions like that.

Hmm.. here's an order for some toxic scorpions: "Please pick up some deadly-ass scorps from Grywel-8 and bring them to the Lake Pond University biochemistry department." Aah. Grywel-8 is infested with pirates and Road Lizards. A complete nightmare. There are deep deposits of hydrous clay which can't be penetrated by radar, so the caves under them are natural hideouts. Also lots of scorpions down there. But it's not like every possible thing will go wrong. You might even say there's no risk at all. Mission accepted.

So off I go, zooming along through Galaxy 5. It's a nice one, generally. I saw a supernova out here when I was a kid.

I turn on the coffee machine. Grywel-8 is a few hours away so I put on the latest episode of my favorite podcast, “It's Bullshit: Forever Countdown.”

“Hi every everyone and everybody else, welcome to It's Bullshit: Forever Countdown! Joining us today is today's guest ~ May Milton, mouse mayor of Mothyville, the smallest town on the smallest moon of Milinil-3. May, your number is 33,000,003,000,993! Good luck May!”

“Squeak! Squea-Squeak! Squea-Squea-Squeak! Squea-Squea-Squea-Squeak!”

This episode is gonna be great!

All too soon, I reach the planet. Now why did I come here?

Something to do with........... soap? No no

Cave diving for scorpions, that's it. I look around my ship for a bug catching net and realize I don't have any such thing.

Uhh hmmmm

I have some tupperware but none of the lids match the bottoms.

Would floss work? Spiders catch bugs basically with string, right?

I'd have to make some kind of web though hmm

How about the microwave? It's already dirty. It opens and closes.

That'll do.

The crust of this planet is full of sinkholes. Any of them should lead down to a suitable cave I think. I steer toward first one I see and plunge into the shadows.

I turn on my spotlight and reduce speed to a creeping 200 meters per second. I really don't want to get jammed in a crevice. I take a big swig of coffee, crack my knuckles, and pull my beanbag chair a little closer to the control board.

I almost hit a stalagmite. Yikes. I slow down even more. Was this a bad idea? It'd be awful if this tunnel narrows as it deepens and have to reverse out. I realize what a mess the coffee will make if I brake hard or roll over. I pour out my pot into a thermos and double-check the seal before I go any further, then I check it a third time to be super sure. I turn down my cabin lights so I can see the dim outside better.

Ah caves. They're half creepy, half cozy. I feel very sheltered and protected but also trapped, scarily.

Scanning for life signs.. oh yeah there's a scorpion nest right down there between those boulders.

ok

I open the hatch and lower my microwave by the power cord down into the nest. When it looks full I wiggle it until the door swings shut .

Perfect!

I haul it up laboriously and reseal the ship. Now it's time to head to Pond Lake University. But which of these tunnels did I come in from...

The left one, for sure. Going left. Ah no this one is full of pirates hahahaha. I'll just do a little u-turn ... ah, they've surrounded me. My ship shudders as they latch a gangway to my airlock.

A beeping alert on my monitor unnecessarily informs me that the hatch is being opened without the passcode. Five pirates barge in: a hamster, a turtle, a pelican, a hyena, and an armadillo. The pelican holds a gun in her beak and points it at my face. "Gluhdhshdhfjdjdjdbeb" she sputtered.

"What?"

The hamster scampers around my ankles and goes in and out of the cupboards.

"No one else on board!" he declares.

The hyena looks me up and down, hefting a wooden board studded with nails.

"Who are you supposed to be?" He demanded.

"Delivery Lemur (deliveremur)."

"Got any guns or treasure?"

"No I dont have anything i swear. Search my whole ship if you want, just don't open the microwave ... it's full of deadly scorpions."

"Heheh how stupid do you think I am?" Chuckled the hyena. He opened the microwave and the scorpions scurried out all over his body, murdering him by stinging him to death.

Screaming as loud as they could, the pirates fled, and I fled with them. We board their vessel and slam the door behind us. Swiftly I put a lampshade on my head and stand very still so they wont notice I'm there.

"That lemur's pretending to be a lamp!" shouted the armadillo.

The pelican started shooting but was blinded by an unshaded lightbulb, so every shot missed. I ducked and zigzagged into their cockpit and locked myself in.

"Get out here so we can kill ya!" wailed the turtle.

Bad situation!

I try to find the thruster controls so I can just fly away, but this is so different from my system. Experimenting with the buttons, I accidentally open the gangway and then I hear screaming because I let all the scorpions in. Gunshots followed.

There's incoming calls from the other pirate ships.

"Nigel, what's going on over there?"

“What loot did you get off the lemurship??”

“What the hell is happening?”

I better answer them.

“Nothing! Um! There was no lemur on board!” I say into the radio.

“Nigel? Why do you have a lemurish accent?”

“I'm practicing for a play!”

“What play?”

I don't know any plays. I have to create one.

“The Lemur and the Lemon,” I say. That better not already exist.

“Can I be in the play?”

Can he even act?

“Yes you can be Mr. Lemon.”

“Hot diggity! Let's start rehearsing! I'm coming aboard right now.”

Then all the other pirates phoned in.

“Let me be in it! I'll be a lime or something!”

“You son of a bitch I'll kill you, I wanna be the lime!"

“Wait, there's no lime, stay where you are!” I protest.

“Aw there's gonna be so many lines to remember! It's too much work!"

“We'll all stab you if you forget your lines!”

“How many pages is it?”

“3000!” That's enough right? How long is an average play? How big are the pages?

“Crikey! I'm nervous already! Can I have a non-speaking part?”

“I will crochet a beautiful Lemon costume tonight!”

“You can't crochet something so round, it'll never hold it's shape. You gotta quilt it onto some kind of frame!”

“I'm crocheting it, I'll add yellow stuffing, it will be perfect.”

“Needle-felt lemons would be so much easier!”

“I said quilt it you dumb bitch! You rotten fuck! Quilt it!”

They started firing torpedoes at each other. The detonations and crashing ships were vibrating the cavern. Huge chunks of stone were knocked loose, ricocheting like bouncy balls in the weak gravity. I should escape pretty soon.

As I try to think of a plan, I trip on my foot and lose balance. I catch myself on the steering wheel. The pirate ship banks sharply to the left and starts to spin so fast everything that's not tied down is hurled into the bulkhead by coriolis. Luckily – or by design – the cockpit is positioned in the rotational center of mass at the bow of the ship, so i'm dizzy but there's no pull on my body. I open the door and brace my legs for a huge jump. If I leap in a perfectly straight line, I can – and do – reach the airlock. The scorpions and the pirates are helpless against the clockwise inertia of the spinning ship, pressed flat against the walls. I make it through the tube back to my ship and flung shut the hatch.

I fire up my engine. The chassis of the pirate ship grappling mine has been so weakened by missiles and falling rocks that it cracks apart when I accelerate. The tethers fall away. I glide stealthily into the pitch-black tunnels.

Phew! What an ordeal. All in a day's work for a professional Delivery Lemur.

Man what did I come down here for for? Uhhhh Oh crap! There's coffee spilled everywhere. I thought the thermos latch was shut! I triple-checked that the straw thing was pushed down, but the stopper itself wasn't screwed on all the way. Damn it, what a mess. Now instead of drinking coffee I'm wiping it off the ceiling.

Darn End of log 0.3

[higgyisobsessed]

big fakemon post??

when I was in high school, I wanted to make a fakemon region based on Canada. I still kinda do, but not nearly to the extent of interest I did then. Anyway, I have drawn and designed some fakemon that I am pretty proud of and thought it would be neat to share some of em

Geodot, Ohkoden, Minerodon > this pseudo-legendary line is based on the idea of a dragon with a den and hoard of gold, except the dragon is both! It starts as a smol geode, similar in appearance to Roggenrola. > ohko stone (aka dragonstone) is a rock that has a unique texture from water erosion. Erosion and refinement plays a role in this Pokemon's evolution, as it reveals the treasure hiding within. > the wing talons (?) gave me some trouble. I knew I wanted rocky, cavernous wings, but they originally looked very disconnected. Then I figured that, instead of having the talons on some arms from the serpentine body, I'd put them on the ends of the wings, giving this dragon similar anatomy to that of a wyvern. That choice really made the wings look cohesive. > I was originally going to have it be different colours rather than just gold, one for each stat (based on what its nature boosts). The forms would be called Amethyst Form, Ruby Form, Gold Form, etc. The thing about this was that I thought gold was the most relevant, since it is a dragon and gold is the goal in alchemy and all that fun stuff.

Migopu > Ice/Flying bc it lives in cold climates. > ptarmigan + lagopus makes its name. This is a mix of ptarmigans and the snowshoe hare, with ideas of snowshoes and skiing. The genus name Lagopus comes from hare+feet, based on how fluffy ptarmigans' feet are. That inspired me to give it the feet of a snowshoe hare, which are big enough to spread the hare's weight so that it does not sink in snow. > the colours are meant to reference rock ptarmigans, which have a bright bit of red on their faces in winter plumage. These Pokemon are excellent at walking on and sliding across the surface of deep snow.

Arboreelis > an eel that flies in the night skies of the region! it is meant to look like the colours of an aurora. There are two theories to how these Pokemon work: either they are drawn to the electricity that creates auroras, or they use their electrical powers to form auroras. > name comes from aurora borealis and eel. Ice/Electric because auroras are electrical phenomena in polar locations

Glubmerge, Glubmarine > fish + compass + sun dial + toy boat + submarine. kinda a random mix, but I think it's really cute. Water navigation fish! > Water type. glub + submerge, glub + submarine

Inkuaill > ink + inkwell + quill + quail > quills come from birds. this bird evokes paper, ink drops, inkwells, and the inking pens > I know I know I KNOW I already have a game bird but. they're completely different concepts ok > Normal/Poison because ink?? and because while it can fly, game birds are more known for being on the ground and running.

Frigeret, Boreabbit, Harfrost > HOARFROST! I mean mr rime has rime in its name which is the same thing just formed differently but,,, IDC we need some hoarfrost rep > what is winter throughout life? As a wee baby, it's a threat. The ears are meant to be like muffs or mittens, working to protect the blue-nosed baby. Frigeret (Normal) does not yet have mastery over ice. Even when awake, this little guy looks like it is permanently asleep, as if frozen. Frigid + leveret. (Note: hares are born with their eyes open. Frigeret can open its eyes tho?? idk i wanted it to look more frozen and cold, so the closed eyes thing is closer to rabbits here) > as a child, winter is the season of fun! Snowmen, snowballs, snowforts, sledding, skiing! When I was a kid, winter was my favourite season. The fun in this form is also based on Jack Frost, a sprite-like figure meant to explain the snow and cold in winter. This is what makes Boreabbit an Ice/Fairy type. Boreas + boreal + rabbit > getting older (even just as an adult), winter becomes more of an inconvenience. From driving to the cold to the later sun, the fondness of winter fades even before the aching bones from changing weather. Grouchy, Harfrost is meant to be closer to the idea of Old Man Winter. Still Ice/Fairy. hoarfrost + hare (ALSO the 'hoar' in hoarfrost means showing signs of aging!)

Nimbark, Halestial, Cirruscruff > cloud dogs? CLOUD DOG EVOLUTION LINE > Nimbark (Normal) is a lil spaniel with the big ears! These ears are so fluffy, they evoke clouds! One must be very careful when grooming because the ears are delicate but tangle easily. > Halestial (Normal/Flying) is a papillon dog! The big rounding ears are colourful, based on sun halos, also called sun dogs! These are rainbow circles around the sun, indicating a very cold day. > Cirruscruff (Normal/Flying) is a Newfoundland dog! Super big fluffy boy. It's super reliable and loyal to its trainer. These clouds are darker bc every image I see of a Newfie has dark fur > these bred dogs also represent the two main colonizing forces in Canada! Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are British bred dogs, and Papillons are French bred dogs. Newfies are Canadian dog breeds. > the idea of a fluffy, loyal, guardian angel cloud dog is based on my own dog, Merlin. He is a Morkie Poo, which doesn't really relate to this, BUT he is whitish and fluffy and soft and makes me think of clouds and I love everything about him and if I have a guardian angel dog it's this boi

[wishchthumblr]

ive made a lot of self-inserty ocs in my time, and if you'd look at them all you'll see most of the time theyre the child/little sister of one of the characters. one of the characters who is kind. who cares. who loves. who wont leave her or hurt her or lie to her or hate her. who is stong and will protect her. im realizing all those inserts are just because the connections and relationships i give to her is what i desperately wish for.

i just want someone to see my pain and take me into their arms and let me crawl onto their lap and hide in the crook of their neck. i want someone to gently pet my hair and let me cry on their shoulders. i want someone to see me, all of me, all my flaws and cuts and marks and failures and faults and all my ugliness and mistakes and all the mean things ive done, and i want them to say that its ok. that they love me anyway and that im only human and that its ok to hurt sometimes. i want someone to see my cuts and my bruises and hold me gently anyway, i want someone who'll get a warm towel and clean my wounds and tell me im still beautiful. that im not ruined. that i still have worth.

i want to be able to put down the masks and the pretend in front of another person and still feel safe. i dont want to feel like i have to run away whenever the tears come because im scared they'll see me as weak and useless and pathetic and dumb and annoying and a waste.

i want someone i can trust to tell the truth tell me im pretty, and that despite how much ive been hurt i can still be kind, and that im still loved and that its not to late for me to be a better person, that im not already a horrible person. that im just a kid who made a lot of mistakes. i want someone to hold me and let me cry and tell me that it wasnt my fault, that i was just a child and that it shouldn't have been my responsibility in the first place.

i just want to able to be the small one, the young one, the one who is comforted instead of always having to comfort others. i just want a family where i can act like the youngest, because thats what i am, instead of being forced to be the adult.

i just want a father who cares about me, that i dont have to constantly fear is going to come back into my life and hurt me again, that didnt tell me how awful and ugly and pathetic i am over and over and over and over until i had no choice but to believe him, that didnt hate me. that didnt leave me. that didnt make it very clear that he would always put the needs and wants of himself and his girlfriend before the needs of his child. i wish i didnt know what being unwanted felt like at 7 years old.

i want a mother who that i can cry on without having to be aware of how she's feeling, that i can talk to without feeling like i have to constantly censor myself to not give away just how much she messed me up, that i can hug and be comforted by instead of feeling like my skin is burning every time she touches me. i dont want to be forced to be a therapist to my own mother, hearing all the things i have in common with my father and how all those qualities make a person terrible. i wish i didnt know how to stop crying on command, how to be numb and empty at 12 years old.

i want a big brother who will protect me instead of hurt me, i want to be able to look at my brother and know he'll chase all the monsters away instead of being the monster. i wish i wasnt forced to have this specific room because its the only room where the door opens in, so that he cant open it if he wants to hurt me. i dont want to have to think about what i'd do if he stops pulling his punches one day and kills my mother. or if he kills my dog. or if he kills me. I dont want to be forced to hide all the fragile things because he might break them. i dont want to live in a house where we have to hide the knives because you never know what he'll do. i wish i didnt know how to quickly hide the fragile and valuable things and how to take the hits and hide the pain and hide the fear at seeing my mother on the floor after being beaten by my big brother at 10 years old.

i wish i lived a life where im not scared that everyone i love will hurt me. i wish i had a family who are the reason i wake up in the morning instead of being the reason i want to go back to sleep.

i wish i had a family i could look at and honestly and truthfully say, "i know they would mourn me if i killed myself."

but i cant say that. because i genuinely dont know if they would.

and i think the most terrible thing of all, is that i dont know if i would mourn them either

and that thought is terrifying to me

[dragon-ball-meta]

1, 12, and... 15. Let's see your crackships. >:)

Well, I just answered 12, but I guess I can do the others. You're really trying to get me in trouble with those. 1. Which series is your favorite (Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Super, etc.)?

Well, that's a little hard for me to answer since, to me, it's all Dragon Ball. But if I have to split them... DB has a ton of charm and vital background for the cast, and Super has a lot of development I love for some of my faves, but I'd probably go with DBZ simply because it's where most of my favorite characters are, as well as my favorite overall arc and fight. 15. Do you have any favorite ships (canon or otherwise)?

You seem to want the non-canon more than not, but first thing's first: K18 is Life. GoChi Those are about the only two I'm truly 100% in love with. To be clear, I'm not an anti when it comes to any canon ships at all, I'm just not as into them comparatively. As for non-canon... I do still have a soft spot for Krillin/Bulma. I kinda have one for Krillin/Chi-Chi too, which is residual from when I was a kid. lol Idk I think they'd work together ok, I guess. I like Yamcha/Kale, being honest. I like the idea of Yamcha being a bit more vocal and protective on her behalf in her normal state, and her being protective and going berserk on anyone who hurts him in turn. I also think she’d find him rather charming. Could be cute. I've also had some people try to sell me on K/18/21 and idk about that just yet but it's kinda grown on me? A little? But again, not sold on it overall. And not a ship, but ship-adjacent, I do think Tien is aromantic/asexual. I don't think he feels things in that regard, based on canon material at least.

Anyways, that's that.

[birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo]

thousand autumns donghua, episode 11~

I READ THE TITLE Y'ALL!!! I ACTUALLY READ THE HANZI!! I AM WAY TOO PROUD OF MYSELF HAHAHA!!! ahem ANYWAY~ one of my fav things about donghua and cdrama is when there's lots of ppl in a scene and the background is full of them all going '走 走 走!' and '来 来 来!' like it's just….very comforting bg noise?? like ppl singing in the pub or ur parents chatting with each other when ur falling asleep as a kid. I MUST ROMANTICISE HUMANITY, IT IS MY FATE ;A; ooh gambling!! lmaooo everyone is betting on ruyuan kehui and yan wushi's fight!! that's hilarious omg 🤣 OH HI BAI RONG!! i was only teasing u before, i rly do like u girl!! just go easy on poor shen qiao ok??? he's been thru so much ;A; these dramatic motherfuckers i swear THERE'S EVEN A FUCKING HAWK SCREECHING BY, WTF IS HAPPENING annoying beard guy from before: FIGHT WITH ME, OLD MAN!!! >:( yan wushi: lol i don't fight with peasants OOOOHHHH they throw off their robes so dramatically!! do u undress that way for bed as well?? i pity whoever does their laundry tho 😔 WHOOOAAAA HOLY SHIT THIS FIGHT SCENE IS INCREDIBLE IT'S SO EPIC WHY ARE THEY EVEN TALKING??? JUST KEEP FIGHTING THIS IS AMAZING!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!! DAMN!!! HE STOPPED THE SWORD WITH HIS FINGIES!!! RUYUAN KEHUI DID SHADOW CLONE NO JUTSU??? AND THEN THE OLD MAN DID THE PHOENIX DESCENDING THING??? AND HE THREW THE SWORD BACK TO RUYUAN KEHUI AND THEY'RE LIKE ZIPPING AND AROUND AND WHOOOOOSH AND KRSHSH AND BAM AND RRRRRRR AND WHOAAA 🤩😵👀 bai rong: tee hee, i wanna seduce u~ shen qiao: no :( i won't hang with u if u continue this :( i tease, but good for him, setting boundaries for himself!! it's important and healthy!! never feel bad for setting boundaries with others! :D awwww shen qiaaaooo he's such a good guy ;A; WHOA WHAT YAN WUSHI WAS STANDING ON A……..VINE??? WTF?? THE OTHER DUDE WAS STANDING ON A SWORD??? oh crap the old man's heart is about to give out!! he's getting too decrepit and ancient for this!!! SOMEBODY HELP GRANDPA TO HIS CHAIR!! 😱 wait his…..his 'evil spirit' is broken??? forcibly use qi?? what does this mean??? wAIT DID HE DID HE TAKE A HIT FOR SHEN QIAO??? oh noooo ;A; lmao they've apparently been fighting for more than two hours, just enough time for a single lotr film 😂

WAIT RUYUAN KEHUI STOLE EVERYONE'S SWORDS lmao that's fucking hilarious!!! 🤣 oooooohhhhh yan wushi doing his phoenix descending ;A; he's SO fucking badass, like literally, he is SO FUCKING COOL. incredible!! i don't blame shen qiao, i'd sleep with him too! he's just awesome 😳😳😳 BEAK VS SWORD, WHO WILL WIN????? i'm glad they're fighting out here away from town, otherwise they would have destroyed all the buildings and killed everyone 👀 LMAO the guys in the audience all cheering and complimenting them, they're so cute ;A; bai rong: i can't believe it was a TIE, right, shen-langjun?? ……..shen-langjun??? shen qiao: *already left without saying anything* yan wushi has decided to put himself in cryostasis to avoid his problems!! 😔 (if only i could do the same….. 😒) duan wenyang: i will now kill u while u can't fight back, like a brave person would!! >:) shen qiao: GET SHILLELAGH'D!! 🍀 *irish folk music in the bg* awwww he's trying to help the old man with his poison ;A; he's so sweet ;A; bai rong: hey what if i kill ur friend for my own benefit?? >:3 shen qiao: ……no >:( OH NOES now THEY are fighting as well!! my mans bashing clones like my cats go after bugs lmao 😹 awww even tho he's hurt he's still trying to protect yan wushi with his life ;A; oh my godddd ;A; lol even bai rong can't believe he'd do this for the old man!! that's adorable ;A; yan wushi: trying to help me?? UNACCEPTABLE!! ILLEGAL!! I WILL THROW U OFF A CLIFF TO TEACH U A LESSON!!! aaaand shen qiao is being strangled for the……fourth time so far?? lol OH SHIT HE HE COUGHED BLOOD ON YAN WUSHI'S FACE!!! AND THAT WOKE HIM FROM HIS QI DEVIATION THING!! 😱😭 DFGHAJDSHGDS SHEN QIAO IS CARRYING HIM ON HIS BACK LMFAO like it's really sweet but IT'S ALSO HILARIOUS I'M SORRY 🤣🤣🤣 shen qiao: well i'll be heading out then :) try not to die :) yan wushi: yeah whatever bye 😒 yan wushi, thinking: i can't believe he's just going to leave me like that, after bleeding on my face i thought things would be different, he even carried me on his back??? 🥺 doesn't that mean anything to him?? 🥺 is it something i said??? 🥺 does a-qiao already have someone?? 🥺 i should kill them--- old man pls

[emmetrain]

AITA for trying to befriend the people I've done the most harm to? They may not have asked me to leave their lives, and if they did, I certainly would… but I get the feeling they're only being polite. That none of them truly want me around, or they feel pity for me because I feel guilty.

For context: I opened a hole in the fabric of reality, causing a number of people and Pokémon to get sent back in time where they ought not be. I then kept an eye on a pair of people who fell from this rift, one having fallen four years prior to the other. Both missing their memories. Part of me wanted to protect them, but a much larger, louder part of me knew that doing so was moot in the face of the overarching plan.

In the new world, their souls would never have to go through any of this, I'd thought. Now that there is no new world coming, I find myself lost in regret and left with shattered pieces that I can never make whole. Maybe I am the last person who ever could.

I thought bringing them home, to this era, would make things a little better, but it has only caused more heartache.

I don't know what to do.

SEND AITA + A SITUATION FOR MY MUSE TO JUDGE WHETHER YOUR MUSE IS THE ASSHOLE !

"NAH. OP. You might want to delete some details since it is waaaaaaay too specific. You might as well tell their full name, LMAO."

"Look, feeling guilt is part of the life. You did stupid things and won stupid prizes. And like, if you did not feel any guilt, you would be TA. But right now, you are only human."

"You cannot conduct a train by looking only to what you left behind. What's done is done. You have wrecked their lives, and that's what trains do sometimes. When stupid cars get on the tracks, you crash through them. Nothing happens to the heavy machine of death. The car gets torn into pieces. It happens. You were on a stupid route to your stupid destination, so even if it was not your intention, your tracks end up meeting this stupid car."

"Anyway, you have done your damage. You can never take it back. You can't. But, you can start conducting this train properly. Look forward. Safety and all that. LOL. Just focus on what you can do from now on. They would have killed you with their bare hands if they hated you or didn't want you around. You are not an evil pest to get rid off, much to their dismay. You are not the villain to vanquish. You are a stupid kid with too much knowledge in their hands. You are so stupid, in fact, that you could not even be a proper villain. Whatever. You can start being a hero of your story now."

"If they want you around, they love you and care about you, OP. Despite your flaws. Despite the pain you have caused them. You are valued. You are important. You should not run away. I have tried to do the same. It does not work, and a dear friend showed me that."

"They don't pity you because you are stupid. So stupid!! OK? They do want you around. Stop putting words into other's mouth, stop wallowing in misery. You only live once, and you better make it count, OP."

"The story is still being written. It is up to you to write the story you will be proud of now."

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello angel! it's not night this time!! hope you're maybe just a little bit proud of your modern!nonnie. 'your shaving off time from your sleep to respond to me' nah i'd never sleep this time anyway. i was doing math... 'CHEW YOUR HEAD OFF' how would i read 10 parts of the modern au then??? bite off my cheeks instead. 'IM NOT THAT CREATIVE WITH NAMING THINGS' it's ok!! i'm honored to have a name in general hjhajhs okok so i feel like now i've really irritated you and made you angry. i'm sorry. genuinely. not teasingly or emotional. i can be too much at times, and i'm sorry it annoys so much. oh no you made me cry again TT I love you SOSO much!! thank you so much for tolerating this shit. you're the real angel! loveloveloe you!! bite that shitty thought and insecurities off me instead TT ok it's a joke... probably. no it's my problem. you don't owe me anything. bite whatever you want. 'MINUTE MEANIE' hgkfhadjkhdaha it sounds SO hilarious and CUTE!! yeah you are. love you for this. but you're still too mean to my heart... 'i want to change the world with music' i believe you will. big brain does big things. i believe you're doing great and will improve yourself into a music meanie!! (srry it was s a compliment in my head) maybe i'm a little hurt you don't care about me reading pt3. ok maybe. bc it's an empty threat anyway bc i'll read all works you' will ever publish. but i'm hurt but i love your works. and you. kisskisskiss 'you think people without big brains could get hints i think not' i'm bad with hints sister... 'I WOULD DIE IF I WENT TO YOU' i did die when i was out TT i need to pass only about 150 metres and i've been like 'frozen'. and a girl who studies with me needs to pass 600 metres?? and she passed it ON FOOT. crazy. INSANE. and tomorrow (11.01) it's going to be -50° C. lovely isn't it <з 'part of having a sibling is annoying them endlessly' why do we have only this part TT 'i figured youre younger than me' big brain. i see i see. you're really big brained. 'i will protect your heart always but not from my works' it's cute but MEAN. cutie meanie... i'd gladly read all the '100000 DOCTOR WHO FANFICS'. i love matt smith. i love doctor who. i love you. it's a perfect match. i care about your mental stability!! TASTE YOUR OWN MEDICINE Because tears taste good. give them a try. andand!! i've been really obsessed with cats since the very childhood! but i'm terribly allergic to them TT so i loveloveLOVE your pictures and gifs with cats so much!! they make me smile soso bad according to my calculations, it must be 22:49 for you rn so ig i'm late. and what about the timeline of my asks?? just like in dw hehehe. mysterious time yk have a nice day/night/morning/life!!! love you!!

OMG HI MODERN!NONNIE! you caught me just before i went to bed (im writing a fic rn lol)

LOVE LETTER TIME

hello angel! it's not night this time!! hope you're maybe just a little bit proud of your modern!nonnie.

YAYYYYY SLAAAAYYYYYY BESTIE SLAYYYYY

'your shaving off time from your sleep to respond to me' nah i'd never sleep this time anyway. i was doing math...

T_T HSADFLAHFHASHAH GOOD LUCK MY LOVE im kinda good at math ig so im sending brain cells your way (ok nvm i thought of what would happen if you asked me to teach you and idk if i could actually help so nvm what i said lol)

'CHEW YOUR HEAD OFF' how would i read 10 parts of the modern au then??? bite off my cheeks instead.

😤😤 i do what i want kid

'IM NOT THAT CREATIVE WITH NAMING THINGS' it's ok!! i'm honored to have a name in general hjhajhs

lol

okok so i feel like now i've really irritated you and made you angry. i'm sorry. genuinely. not teasingly or emotional. i can be too much at times, and i'm sorry it annoys so much. oh no you made me cry again TT I love you SOSO much!! thank you so much for tolerating this shit. you're the real angel! loveloveloe you!! bite that shitty thought and insecurities off me instead TT ok it's a joke... probably. no it's my problem. you don't owe me anything. bite whatever you want.

I'LL BITE OFF YOUR INSECURITES!!!! i dont want you to look down on yourself! TAKE HEART! THE WORLD HAS BEEN OVERCOME! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY. you dont annoy me. i find it annoying that YOU think im annoyed by you ///: girl-- has anyone ever put effort into something they hated? perhaps out of spite, but not me. i love you so pls dont compensate by hating yourself.

'MINUTE MEANIE' hgkfhadjkhdaha it sounds SO hilarious and CUTE!! yeah you are. love you for this. but you're still too mean to my heart...

'i want to change the world with music' i believe you will. big brain does big things. i believe you're doing great and will improve yourself into a music meanie!! (srry it was s a compliment in my head)

thank you my love T_T

maybe i'm a little hurt you don't care about me reading pt3. ok maybe. bc it's an empty threat anyway bc i'll read all works you' will ever publish. but i'm hurt but i love your works. and you. kisskisskiss

HAHAHAAHHAH is it an empty threat? HAHAHHAHAHA im so honored that you'd want to read all my works my love T_T thank you so much that means a lot even if you dont actually do that AHHAAHAHHA

'you think people without big brains could get hints i think not' i'm bad with hints sister...

CRYING HAHAHHA maybe you're not as big brained as you think HAHAHHHHAHAHAHHAH im kidding i jest i jest

'I WOULD DIE IF I WENT TO YOU' i did die when i was out TT i need to pass only about 150 metres and i've been like 'frozen'. and a girl who studies with me needs to pass 600 metres?? and she passed it ON FOOT. crazy. INSANE. and tomorrow (11.01) it's going to be -50° C. lovely isn't it <з

me. dang i hope that girl is ok T_T i send you an extra warm hug so you can hug her for me. i cant believe you still have to study in the cold T_T they should just let you sleep under warm blankets. but oh wait that's right you barely sleep anyway ///:

'part of having a sibling is annoying them endlessly' why do we have only this part TT 'i figured youre younger than me' big brain. i see i see. you're really big brained.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ONLY HAVE THIS PART! i shower you with compliments more like my cat than my siblings (i compliment my kitty more readily than them) also yeah ur 100% younger than me therefore you MUST listen to me when i tell you to do smth (like sleep properly, straighten your back, eat your vegetables, drink water, exercise. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬)

'i will protect your heart always but not from my works' it's cute but MEAN. cutie meanie...

lol ok

i'd gladly read all the '100000 DOCTOR WHO FANFICS'. i love matt smith. i love doctor who. i love you. it's a perfect match. i care about your mental stability!! TASTE YOUR OWN MEDICINE Because tears taste good. give them a try.

HAHHHAHHAHAAHAHAA YOU SAID YOU CARE ABOUT MY MENTAL STABILITY BUT THEN URGE ME TO WATCH DOCTOR WHO HAHAHHAH WHAT A NUTCASE LOLOLOL asflahsfasf idk if i will, i really want to but hnnNNNNNNGGGGG IDK IDK IDK

andand!! i've been really obsessed with cats since the very childhood! but i'm terribly allergic to them TT so i loveloveLOVE your pictures and gifs with cats so much!! they make me smile soso bad

ITS SO FUNNY HOW I MENTION SOMETHING IN MY RESPONSE TO YOU and then by then end you talk about it. like the cats???? omg are we soulmates? i just use whatever meme i find that feels appropriate tbh. lol i reply to you on my pc, and i have less memes here than on my phone, so i sometimes have to download memes so i wont keep repeating them. its so sad ur allergic to cats. i have two! yushi and his son jinjin. i love them so much.

according to my calculations, it must be 22:49 for you rn so ig i'm late. and what about the timeline of my asks?? just like in dw hehehe. mysterious time yk have a nice day/night/morning/life!!! love you!!

I THINK YOU WERE RIGHT!!!! its currently 23:58 now and i only stayed up this late to reply to you. thats how much i love you.

i keep reading dw as dont worry before realizing you mean doctor who lol. ~~~mysterious time LOLOL

have an amazing day baby cakes

xxx

[sekidos-fuck-slut]

Who am I?

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A SHIP CHILD BETWEEN MY OC AND AIZETSU. BUT IN THIS ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE AIZETSU IS A GOD OF THE OCEAN AND EARTHQUAKES (yes like Poseidon.) THIS WILL MENTION BULLYING, BLOOD, AND ABUSE FROM AN EX OF ANYBELLA'S! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! PS, ITS TOLD IN FIRST PERSON! AT LEAST I TRIED MY BEST TO WRITE IT IN FIRST PERSON! AND THIS STORY HAS A SECOND PART! IM THINKING ABOUT SHOWING IT!

Today I was told it was going to be a good day. Or so I thought. Of course everything has to be difficult for me. Oh I should probably mention my name. Hello I'm Mizuko. Yes yes I know my name is kinda concerning if you actually see the meaning but my mom said it really does represent me somehow. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! Of course I'm still in school. And of course I'm an easy target for bullying since I don't have a father supposedly.

Today I was just trying to go to class when this stupid kid blocked my way. I don't even know him! He always just tells me "I bet when your father saw your face and your hair that he knew your mom cheated on him. And that's why you don't have a father!" Oh how much I'd want to hit that damn kid. But I didn't. I actually ignored him mostly. But today...oh today he went to far. He decided to push me around and get his friends involved. There were teachers there but they wouldn't do anything since the main boy's father is the principal.

Everything just got worse and worse. He decided to do something that I never thought he'd do. He actually punched me. After all that pushing and making me feel like I was starting to bruise, he hit me. His friends joined in too. So when I had enough, for some reason my water bottle exploded. It wasn't like soda... It was just water! It actually scared the boys and it also scared me. But whatever happened it wasn't easy to control the water since it was starting to hurt the boys. Not like whipping them or whatever. I mean... like drowning them.

The teachers finally tried to get involved and tried to help the kids. Yet no one even noticed how I was with a black eye and bleeding from my nose. Oh well... I just wanted to get to class. So I just grabbed my backpack and walked away. When I walked away the water finally stopped drowning those bullies. I guess they will learn not to hurt or mess with me. Also there was sometimes a feeling that someone was just watching me. I don't know, but I just ignored it . At least I can finally learn in peace, or so I thought... Since it started to storm outside. It was very bad... like lightning was everywhere while it was raining outside. I guess someone pissed off that one god or something. I think his name was sekido or something like that? Eh whatever happened it made him mad.

The storm seemed to get worse by the second that everyone was told that they had to go home now. And I actually did want to go home. Hell I'll walk through that damn storm. Since I'm not going to call my mom to pick me up just because of a storm. Once I got home I had realized, I wasn't even soaked. Well lucky me I guess. When I was about to go to my room my mom saw me and looked scared. Bless her heart since she is protective of me. She was asking me a lot of questions. Like "what happened to you? Are you ok? Oh you are bleeding! Who did this? I'll definitely have to talk to the principal about this!" I literally had to calm her down and explain what happened.

When my mom heard what happened she had sigh and decided to explain something to me. A bit about her life? Here I'll try to say it all.

"Mizuko, you know.. there was a diary made into a book. Well, I am that anybella in the diary. That is my name. But your father...let's just say I used to visit him a lot. I met him when my ex boyfriend was being very rude and abusive to me. My ex has always been so mean and just aggressive. He'd always hit me, throw glass bottles at me, and just a lot more that I'm uncomfortable explaining. The final straw was when he actually started to cheat on me. We were closed to a cliff, and I had decided to end things from him. He got violent again and he pushed me off the cliff... I knew I was going to die after that... Since I didn't know how to swim... But before I could finally drown, I was now in a big bubble. I didn't understand.. and that's when I saw him. Your father. Heh you look almost like him but younger and shorter. Id say he was about 17 feet tall. He actually asked me why I was trying to die... I told him I wasn't. But my ex probably tried to kill me. His face went from being said to being mad. I had to calm him down. Thanks goodness I was able to. Since I was there I decided to ask his name. He wondered why I wanted to know, and I told him that I wanted to thank him for saving me. Since I can't swim. When he realized that he decided to take me and put me on land and he'd say his name. He is aizetsu, I recognize that name and I was so embarrassed that a god had to save me. Ah I'm just talking too much! Well we talked for days that turned in to months that later turned into years. Oh you probably didn't know but you also have 4 uncles. One technically is supposed to be around your age but he is still tall. All the gods are tall... "

That made me so confused and shocked when she explained all that to me. I am technically a demigod or something? Why am I not like living with my father? Did he not want me? I'm so confused. And it was clear to my mom too. Since she decided to take me to a place where supposedly the gods will meet time to time??? I don't know. But she has told me that she couldn't stay with me there if I wanted my answers. So she had decided to go back to the car to wait.

This place is huge compared to me. There is a big chair. There is a bunch of trees that have pomegranates? I don't know... But as soon as I was about to grab a pomegranate I heard a deep voice that sent chills down my back. "You shouldn't try and eat that. The safer ones you can eat are from the store...Mizuko..." When I turned around, I saw a tall man, wait was he a man? His face looks more like a child but he is tall... Like 9 feet tall. I guess he was one of my uncles or something.

I was about to say something to him when I got interrupted by a laugh. "Oh he is so small! He'll definitely one day get his growspert one day. Am I right zohakuten? Maybe I can help him because like that one warrior or maybe karaku could make it so he gets all the bitches!" I saw another tall man, what I have noticed is their eyes. They were different. I guess zohakuten, since his eyes are orange and with skulls puples, is the god of hell and this other god who has like golden eyes is the god of war and wisdom?

What surprised me is that the man was just so tall... He was like 18 feet tall! I heard the first god I met literally scolding urogi? I think that's what he said. But I wasn't paying attention since I heard voices behind me that was very interesting. "Oh wow! You got pretty beaten up kid. But don't worry you'll heal quickly. Heh it's nice to finally put a face to your name Mizuko. I'm karaku. It's wonderful to meet you kiddo."

That man literally knew my name... Actually they all knew my name! It made me so confused... How do they know my name! But I assume that was karaku.. since of course urogi called him that name.

I'm so scared of these tall men. I feel like I'm also being judged! But I guess that was from the god I know. Sekido of course looks like he is such a judgemental person. But I swear he must have had something done that day. Since he wasn't as judgemental looking. He has looked at me and didn't really say anything.. but something tells me that he must have been told by his lover if he even has one that he shouldn't be mean.

"Just ignore sekido's kiddo. Come here to your uncle karaku buddy! I just want to hug you and all! But you are so small. At least 6 feet tall. I feel like id accidentally crush you! " Of course karaku was trying to distract me and being weird. Not in a bad way. More like he wants to know me but I don't know how to explain to him that it takes time.

But as soon as I was about to say something sekido would have finally said something. "Those damn bullies got what they deserve. It made me mad that no one was looking after my nephew. How dare those weak humans. At least your mom cares a lot about you. And your power had started to show. Although you might want to be careful if you are kinda like aizetsu." After he finishes that it made sense now. He must have asked his boyfriend or husband or whatever to watch me while he was trying to punish people by causing a very bad storm... But where is this aizetsu?

That question would be answered as the waves were starting to crash against the cliff and I soon saw him. My father. Jeez he is also tall... Hell my question is how did my mom bang him! Like he is like a lot more taller than her! But it doesn't matter now... He was here... Standing in front of me now.. I don't know if I should cry, yell, or be happy... All I could say was "what am I to you? Am I supposed to be nothing?" Which he did answer all the questions I had in my head too.

"Mizuko, you are my son... but me and your mom thought you'd be better off living like a normal human.. but I see, we made a somewhat wrong decision. I should have warned your mom that if you had powers to send you my way when there are signs. The last time I saw you was wen you were 5. It was your birthday... You were supper sweet and small. But I had to go back to do my job that hasn't finished yet... You look to be at least 15 now... Oh how much I missed... I'm sorry.."

My mom was right... He does look like me. It makes me feel like I'm looking in a mirror almost... I actually started to cry...I just wanted to hug my father. I missed him so much. But I guess there was another reason why all the gods are here. Sekido's voice has spoken up. I'm assuming he is kinda like the leader. "Mizuko. We need to know. Since we will all be trying to help you out with your life time to time... How do you feel about living with us? I'll find a way to let your mom know what you decide. And since if you agree you'll be able to at least live like a normal human but also you will have to keep it a secret that you are living with God's. So what do you say?"

Hearing this I decided to agree since it's clear that I'm not safe with my mom. But as long as I can visit her and talk to her I'll be good. I just don't want to hurt people who don't need to be hurt . And now that I know I have a power I need to learn how to control it for my own sake and to not accidentally hurt my mom with it. So I guess this is a new start on a different mission or tale . I don't know what to call it. At least not anymore.

[ritzcuit]

fell asleep last night crying and dying over the datz who Ok like ... like ... cus he's ex military right, and i have to think, wtf was he doing there LOL bc i have to answer questions tht no one asked. And i have no answer...ive never decided. i mean he was a kid..basically 5 yrs old..he was just a baby.

there's just a lot of little details. And a lot that i dont feel comfortable answering since my concept of a military is deeply american...so like blahhh. But it's like. was he going into it positively. or was it a listless undecided sort of thing? a "well i don't have anything else to do so i guess i'll go here"? my silly headcanon is he just thought paratrooping looked cool so he hit up the local air force to hang w them.. maybe that's what he tells the kids when they ask him.

there is also the "from a foreign land" detail that i really can't be fucked to deal with. is datz not khura'inese originally ??? or did his weird ass hop borders just to hang in the air force. he's crazy. or maybe there's Just Nepal next to khura'in...i kind of always thought as khura'in Replacing nepal so to speak but maybe he's just straight up nepalese. since kukris are distinctly The Weapon of nepal..but i don't know about nepal like that either. So i don't think abt it too hard really.

someone i talked to a while ago likes the more listless ambitionless datz who didn't have any guiding thing ... like a datz struggling with "nothing matters" sort of disposable mindset. Which i do like...it's cutie... esp for a kid! like. not even 23... but i can never envision a datz whos like. well ill just lay down and die ig (me) like he ditches the air force (no way he got out of there through legal means. not a chance in hell. i just know he deserted and he didnt even need to desert he Just Did) blah blah but anyway

the REAL POINT OF ALL THIS is i love to think of a datz whos all listless and restless and doesn't know what to do w himself, and that doesn't go away when he's helping dhurke escape the city but it's not on his mind immediately, but still it's lurking there, no purpose, no datz purpose! what's he doing it all for? and then it occurs to him so deeply one day that Oh This Is My Purpose. you know? oh my heart.

like listening to dhurke talk and starting to put together this plan to fight back, they don't know how yet but they HAVE to fight back, and just knowing deeply somewhere in his chest, ohhh. this is what i'm fighting for... this is what i'd put my life on the line for. So crazy. SOOO CRAZY. ARGH!!! PURPOSE!!! Or it extending to the kids obviously cus it's NOT just dhurke or the revolution. my daydream last night specifically was like. a raid on their safe house or something and ahh its terrible scary etc. but datz who drops into action instantly *bc* he's like Oh My God the kids. i gotta protect them. CUS HE DOES!!!!! :(

specifically thinking abt all of this bc of a line in finn attorneytrash's "such terrible twos" where datz snaps at blackquill bc he's like, ive been taking care of these kids their whole lives! and i was like SO TRUE!!!HE HAS BEEN!!! BC HE LOVES THEM!!!!!!!! IM BLEEDING OUT ON THE GROUND NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[photographertherapistblogger2]

So it's been a while since I wrote in any of my journals but I've been on a proper journey this past month or two. Anyway I feel its a time to write. Honestly don't know where to start. OK my nan passed away on 4th December from cancer and for anybody that has read my previous blogs you may not I lost a baby in January, anyway I felt like things were getting a tiny bit better but what I realised was I distracted myself from the pain so when my nan was asking where's the baby I put 2 and 2 together and knew my nan was close to death when she kept saying I can see a baby and calling out for my grandad. When my mom told me it just hit me like a tonne of bricks and I feel that emptiness and lost again. I've been there for the past 2 and a half years for my mom to offload too as well so it's been just as hard for me and knowing the sense of loss my mom feels is just absolutely heart breaking.

Amongst all that I have been dealing with my ex being an absolute tool around the kids, he's not diagnosed but I feel like he's a possible narcissist etc etc and I really hate with a passion that my kids have contact with there dad but I do it for them. Anyway he has totally disregarded any concerns I've had then I've had his misses/ex misses also having a go at me about raising this concern. Honestly sometimes I just don't know where to turn with any of this and its hard for me not to react. I see it as them both trying to manipulate me or think I would back down but no I'm going to protect my kids as much as I possible can till they can protect themselves. Anyway since my kids seeing him more often the school have picked up on my daughters behaviours changed which is unlike the one but yeah my youngest does struggle with change. My ex is also trying to use my triggers to upset me and so on for example I've always wanted the have quality time with my eldest but because my youngest can be challenging nobody will take her so I don't have quality time with her at all so because he can he does that, at first I was upset about it but I still clearly give her what she needs and I'm one person, I chose to thing of the positive side if things instead of feeling shit that I can't always give that but I try.

Any with all that in mind I still haven't heard any for the adhd/autism assessments for my youngest daughter so I've been trying to get updates on that plus I realised I still haven't received any information regarding my sons autopsy so been trying to chase that up too. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by life and its situations I can't think straight. Which leads me to the next bit. Anyway I was feeling lonely and overwhelmed so I thought sod it ill go on a dating site and I actually thought I'd found someone till yesterday. Anyway I know what people will say when I say this but I honestly don't know what to think anymore. So I'm chatting to this guy who says he's got autism so I carry on talking to him and then I find out he also smokes weed and your probably thinking well there's nothing wrong with that which is why I carried on chatting to him and explain that to me tye issues I've just spoke about were red flags to me, I spoke to him and explained why they were red flags and he understood. So anyway I was in an domestically abusive relationship for 8 years with someone who had a drug addicted and used his diagnosis to mistreat me etc. So anyway I carry on chatting to this guy thinking yeah maybe he's different and understands me when yesterday he asked if I also had autism to which I said no. I was stupid and asked him why and he explained that I came across as cold and had no empathy but wouldn't explain why he felt like that so I left him to it. He made no effort to talk to me about it so I've blocked him now.

Honestly after all that it hates me to say it but I feel like I'm still not over what my ex did and even though I don't love my ex there will always be the memories we once shared and thats what kills me. I hate the fact that I just started to trust someone who turned out to be just like my ex. I'm so upset with myself that I keep attracting these men that want to mistreat and it just goes to show me that I still need to work on trying to get out of the trauma of being a people pleaser. What I want to do for the new year is write some goals I want to achieve and things I want to let go of for new year and hopefully clear alot of negative energy and trauma that's still trapped in my body. All I want is to feel loved and to feel safe is that so hard. I'm feeling so upset with myself right now hence why I wanted to write. Anyway I'm gonna release this and go watch a Christmas film to try cheer myself up. Goodbye for now