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choiceskatie · 3 years ago

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The Blessed Unrest

Chapter 3 - Somebody That I Used To Know

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Summary: Anna thinks she's prepared herself to face the inevitable, but something no one could have predicted shakes her to her very core.

Warnings: This series will contain NSFW content. If you choose to read, you acknowledge that you are 18 or older.

A/N: This took far too long to finish. I’ve been super unwell on and off and when I finally started feeling a bit better, I got a severe bout of imposter syndrome. I just felt like every fic I was reading was a literal masterpiece, and every time I tried to write I thought to myself, why would anyone read this when I can’t even come close to replicating the skill of those writers? Which is stupid, bc I’m not on here to replicate anyone. I enjoy creating stories as I read and turning those thoughts into my own little word. I know I’m not the best writer, but that doesn’t matter. For whatever reason, you guys read my stuff and that’s enough for me. I’m writing bc it makes me happy and if anyone enjoys it, then that’s just the cherry on top.

Anyway, just wanted to explain my prolonged absence and why I haven’t been reading either. I had to stop to finally get this done without comparing myself to others, and what do ya know? I actually liked what I ended up with lol. Now this is finished I can finally catch up on all my reading, and I’ll be back annoying all of you tomorrow lol. And now I’m rambling, but I seriously love every single one of you 🤍 hope you enjoy!

A/N 2: Just as a pre-warning to Sam stans, hopefully it’s not too disappointing that this chapter is predominantly Ethan. I promise your man is the star of the show in chapter four.

Word count: 8k. I know, I know, ok. I don’t know what happened and I’m sorry.

Thanks to my angel girl @lsvdw-blog for prereading 500 versions of this and being my biggest cheerleader, you made this infinitely better and I adore you.

Pairings: Ethan x MC ~ Sam x MC

Catch up here

Before she could stop and make an attempt to comprehend what she was doing, Anna was running from the ballroom, trying to keep up with Ethan's long strides as he held her hand firmly in his. Her heels hit the ground rapidly as he escorted her wordlessly through hallways and outside to a rental car, Anna too disoriented in her current state to verbally judge the flashy number. He opened the passenger door for her, gesturing inside with a slight smile. "Get in." She silently did as she was told, still in a daze as he closed the door and got in the drivers' side.

"What will your dad do? Aren't you here with him?"

He turned on the ignition and began to drive before answering her question, pulling out of the venue and heading the opposite way from the route to the Russo villa. "I spoke to him briefly before coming to help you. He'll find a way back to the hotel, don't worry." She nodded slowly, meeting his gaze in the rear view mirror before turning away from him and looking out the window.

After a few minutes of painful silence, Anna heard Ethan sigh and turned to look at him. The look on his face told her he was battling internally on how to speak to her, if at all. "What is it, Ethan?"

"I-uh,” he cleared his throat nervously, “I know that it's none of my business, but why doesn't Sam know that you're a doctor?"

"You're right, that is none of your business," she snapped back, Ethan wincing at the exact answer he had expected and the following tension he had wanted to avoid. Anna rolled her eyes as she sighed defeatedly, knowing she’d be curious herself. “Because I’m not a doctor, Ethan. I was, and I’ll never be able to revisit that part of my life so I see no reason to keep hashing out my painful past. And please, I really do not want to speak about Sam with you."

Ethan’s grip on the steering wheel tightened as he clenched his jaw, shaking his head ever so visibly as he picked up on her subtle sign. “So, it’s true.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re having an affair with Sam.”

The atmosphere in the car was suddenly, intensely different as her head snapped round to look at him, fire blazing in her eyes as she bit down on her lip, a poor attempt at grounding herself. "And what has that got to do with you?"

“For Christ’s sake, Anna. I helped you out of there because I thought you had fallen victim to the infamous gossip surrounding the Daltons! I never took you for someone that would break up a marriage. I thought you had morals.”

“Oh my god, you with your fucking morals again. Do not act like you know me at all. You threw me away for scraps a year ago and that changes a person. I’m not the same Anna you left broken-hearted in Boston.”

“You’re right. You’re not. I don’t know this Anna, I thought there was something unique about the woman I knew and something unique about what we shared. I didn’t think she went for every boss she could get her hands on. Clearly I was mistaken.”

Anna’s nostrils flared as she sneered at him. “Pull over.”

Ethan scoffed at her dramatics as he kept his eyes on the road. “Stop it, Anna.”

“Pull over the fucking car.” Ethan turned to look at her and decided to follow her command as he saw her already moving to take her seatbelt off. He pulled in and she immediately jumped out the car, Ethan following suit as he prepared to chase her down the quiet road through Naples.

He didn’t expect her to see her walking around the front of the car, barrelling towards him with a look of disgust on her face. “Anna, get back in the damn-” smack.

Ethan’s words were cut off sharply as his head turned, cheek burning as he recovered from the crisp slap to his face. His hand raised to hold his face in shock, his narrowed eyes making their way back to Anna, tears in her eyes and teeth gritting as she shook out her tingling hand and scowled at him.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” She punctuated every word with a rough jab to the chest.

He gently grabbed her wrist, holding her back from him. “I thought I was someone special to you, but I’m glad to know the truth. You know, it’s all starting to make sense. My god, you really do get around.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“The rumour mill is still rife at Edenbrook, Anna. Some things never change.” He hissed, “don’t think that I haven’t heard about your little trysts with the paramedic and that damn scalpel jockey your entire intern year. Was I just another fuck to keep you going? Did you ever feel anything for me at all?”

“What have they got to do with anything? I spent time with them whilst I was pining for you. Sue me for attempting to enjoy my life whilst the man I truly wanted was pushing me away every damn chance he had! What did you expect?”

“It’s not just them though, is it? It’s Sam, too, and God knows who else. It’s unforgivable.”

“I don’t remember asking for your forgiveness and I sure as hell don’t fucking need it. You do not get to make me feel bad for trying to move on from you.”

“Who’s next, Anna? My uncle Mason? I mean, why stop at Sam when you could go for the top dog? You clearly love a man in power.”

“I’d choose your next words very fucking carefully, Ethan. You do not get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought that I had found my person. The person who challenged me, who I thought respected me, who made me feel things I had never felt in my entire life. I was done with everyone else, I was ready to be with you. I begged you to be with me. But you left me. You abandoned me and any shot of a future we had together. You tore my heart to fucking shreds, Ethan. I’m all glued back together now, and I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You do not get to call me a whore.”

As she spat out her last words, both of their chests were heaving, eyes blazing as they stared each other down. Seconds passed with neither moving, the air thick with tension. Anna shook her head, eyes shutting tightly as she jumped out of her daze. “No, you do not get to do this to me. You do not get to make me into this person again.”

“And what do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. I mean nothing. Can we go? Please.” She was walking back towards her side of the car before the words had left her mouth, leaving Ethan standing in a trance as he attempted to deal with the magnitude of their words. Her car door slamming shut brought him back to life, Ethan taking a deep breath to steel himself before getting back in the car.

The rest of the scenic drive was completely silent, Ethan’s remorse rising every second of the journey. He instantly regretted everything he’d said to Anna. It wasn’t that he couldn’t believe that such callous and vicious words had left his mouth; that part was easy. He was known for his harsh commentary and opinions, and his words tonight were far from the worst he’d ever uttered. What he couldn’t wrap his head around was that they were directed towards the only woman he had ever loved; a woman that he’d fight for if he ever heard the same words thrown at her from another.

A year had passed: a year in which Ethan had thought about Anna more than he was ready to admit to anyone, himself included. It hadn’t taken long for Ethan to recognise the monumental error he’d made in pushing Anna away, practically forcing her to leave Boston. But it was done, and after a few stumbles, he was ready to accept his fate. He’d managed to push his feelings down to the deepest pit of his soul, doing everything in his power to block out the memories of Anna and the joy she had brought to his stale life. It was easier that way. Easier to pretend his feelings didn’t exist as opposed to facing them head on like a man and accepting the blame for his own demise. For their demise.

Alas, tonight it had become apparent that his coping mechanism was a ticking time bomb, because as he saw the love of his life cascade back into his life, the weight of the emotions he’d been refusing to acknowledge swept through him like a hurricane.

He turned his head ever so slightly, attempting to catch a stolen glimpse of her as she stared ahead. Clearly intent on ignoring him for the entire journey, he resorted to gazing at her through the mirror, catching his lip turning upwards ever so slightly as he stared at her. The moonlight shone through the car, illuminating her sun kissed face as he marvelled at the familiar golden flecks sparkling in her rich chocolate orbs. Her large doe eyes were still as beautiful as the day they met.

Time had been kind to Anna Valentine.

His smile was short lived as he looked deeper into the very eyes he remembered being so rich and full of life, suddenly dull of their usual sparkle he searched for. He was reminded of the last time he had been in such close proximity to the golden glow of her curious eyes, only the last time he had a front seat to her beauty, they had been blinded by a river of tears poisoning their usual twinkle. Tears caused by him.

He hadn’t been.

The year that had passed had had an irrevocable effect on her. That much had been made clear in their heated exchange roadside, but it was the dejected look on her face that made it all the more evident.

It was difficult to believe the young and promising doctor he had fallen for was the same woman sitting beside him; she was a shell of her former self. Was that all down to him? Has he damaged his former love that badly? Or perhaps a year in her new life had thrown more tragedies at her, of that he couldn’t be sure. But there was one thing he was sure of: he wasn’t letting Anna Valentine leave again, at least not without a fight.

They reached his hotel finally, having pulled off the main road to drive towards the coastline. He quietly parked the car and turned off the engine, unable to even open his door before Anna was up and out of hers. He quickly strode over to her, closing her door as she walked into the hotel without a second glance back. She must have sensed his presence behind her as she turned abruptly as soon as she entered the large lobby, coming face to chest as she had to tilt her head backwards to catch his face in their close proximity.

“Don’t you have to get your luggage?”

He shook his head. “We checked in before the party.”

“I see. Well, thank you for bringing me. I think I’ll just get a room for the night and then I'll work out what I’m dealing with in the morning. It was… good to see you again.” He couldn’t help but notice the words seemed painful leaving her mouth. “Goodbye, Ethan.”

Before she could take a full step away, Ethan’s hand gently clasped her wrist as he pulled her to a stop.

“Anna… wait.” She glared at their interlocked arms, prompting him to quickly drop his hold. “It’s 2am, you’re not going to be able to get a room. You can take the bed in my suite, I’ll sleep on the sofa.” She took a look around the large lobby, wondering why such an extravagant hotel couldn’t afford a 24 hour receptionist when her nanny’s salary would struggle to cover a night’s stay here.

She mumbled to herself as the dejavu slapped her in the face. “I’ve heard that before.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing. Thanks, but no thanks. I think I’d rather sleep anywhere else.”

With one last look of disdain, Anna walked away from Ethan, making a beeline for the lobby couches on the other side of the extravagant space, content in sitting awake for the entire night rather than ever spending another second with Ethan Ramsey. She collapsed onto the soft sofa, absentmindedly kicking her heels off and throwing her head back against the large cushions, feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart, the overwhelming emotions of the night ready to consume her when she felt the couch move beside her. Her eyes snapped open as she heard a deep voice clearing their throat. There sitting next to her, looking much too comfortable and carefree for her liking, was the man she was trying to escape. His smouldering azure eyes gazing at her, the knowing smile gracing his face captivating her as much as his secret glances could a year ago. Her own eyes quickly narrowed as she broke free from his trance.

“Was I not clear?”

“Crystal.” He nodded, “but I’m not leaving you to sit yourself in a foreign country when you’re clearly vulnerable. So, if you insist on staying down here and refusing to take the bed in my suite, I’ve got no choice but to sit here with you.”

“Ethan, are you stupid? I’m sitting down here to get away from you. So, if you’ll please just leave me the hell alone, I’m staying here.”

She turned away from him again, closing her eyes and waiting, begging to hear his footsteps retreating. Instead, all she heard was a loud sigh and the feel of the couch dipping behind her as his arm curled around her, an intentional space between their bodies when he spoke. “I guess I’m not leaving either, then.”

She huffed as she slid across the sofa, trying to put space between them and praying he’d finally take the hint. It proved to be no use as he moved with her, their hips bumping and his suit caressing her bare skin as their legs brushed together. Her face scrunched up in annoyance as she glared at him. “Go to hell, Ethan.”

“Gladly. As soon as I know you’re safe and sound, Rookie.”

Her jaw clenched as she ever so slightly shook her head, the return of her old nickname bringing with it a cascade of pain and anger. She latched onto the rage: anything was better than the pain. “Don’t do that. I’m not your Rookie… not anymore.”

His eyes softened as a sad smile crossed his features. “You’ll always be my Rookie.”

Anna stared into his striking blue eyes, seeing nothing but honesty and sincerity before she had to physically shake herself from the daze, dangerously close to falling into their familiar trap. She turned her entire body away from him in an effort to calm down her racing heartbeat. Unlike the rage fuelling her earlier in the night, she knew the erratic thumping in her ears was now coming from the confirmation that one look from him was still enough to drive her crazy.

All she wanted to do was sit alone and mope. She had enough to cry about in her pathetic life without an old flame reappearing and turning her world upside down once again. She should have been worrying about the consequences of Sofia’s revelation at the party. She should have been searching for Sam’s name in the tabloids, wondering if the multiple affairs had made it to the press and ruined the company’s stellar reputation yet. She should have been trying to talk to Sam, to find her bearings before ending things once and for all, her resignation inevitable as she fled the country.

Instead, as she sat chastising herself for what she should have been worrying about, she felt her body betraying her, calming as she listened to the soothing sounds of Ethan’s easy breathing, a familiar lullaby she’d only been close enough to hear a handful of times before. Ugh, she so wanted to hate him. She did hate him, why was her body late to the party?

She closed her eyes, feeling the hot tears burning as she inwardly scolded herself. She had cried many a night over the very man sitting beside her, past the point that was remotely healthy. She had vowed not to shed any more tears over Ethan Ramsey, and yet here she was, willing to make an exception for this evening if he would just damn well leave her alone.

It had been a long time since she’d thought of Ethan. Or at least, since she had allowed herself to. After he left her in her apartment that fateful night and she had fled to upstate New York, she soon realised if she ever wanted to feel any semblance of happiness again, she’d need to forget him. Forget all about him and all that they shared together. She knew she should face her problems head on, but she couldn’t face another day spent heartbroken over the man. So she shut it all out, blocked off all of her emotions and attempted to get on with her life. She felt flat, but it was better than clinging onto their tragic love story. And then she met Sam. Sam. She still felt her heart flicker as he entered her mind. He had brought the light back into her life and passion back to her soul. Of all the men in the world, of all the men even in New York, she had to fucking fall for Ethan’s cousin.

Way to keep it in the family, Anna.

She found herself replaying all of the small moments she had shared with Ethan in their short time together as she allowed him back into her mind, the memories playing on a loop; memories that had been locked away for the better part of a year to preserve her heart.

Her mind drifted to that first night in the NICU as they both stayed to watch over baby Ethan, Anna consoling Ethan after he suffered a major loss and she took her first knock as a doctor. It was the first time she saw a break in his tough facade, a real human showing through in times of grief. She knew after that night that she was already falling in love with him, and dangerously, she even knew then she’d be the one to end up hurt. But she decided it was worth it. To her, any time with him was worth the inevitable heartbreak she’d suffer at the hands of Ethan Ramsey.

Had it been?

After all of this time, she still couldn’t decide whether she would take it all back if she could. As much as Ethan had hurt her irrevocably, he had shown her how to love. Perhaps that was why she sat him on such a tall pedestal; he would always be her first love.

After years of ambitious plans, always knowing she’d move in a heartbeat to further both her education and career, and therefore neglecting to look for a real romantic connection, she was ready to settle in Boston at Edenbrook. Was that why she had fallen for Ethan? Was she always going to fall for the first man that came bounding into her life on the first day of her intern year?

No. She may have little faith in fate with her current predicament, but she liked to think her and Ethan’s encounter was sealed long ago; written in the stars.

Even though he pushed her away for the majority of the year, he was always there for her in her darkest times. He was there for her through so much, but then, when she lost her license; when it finally mattered, he abandoned her.

He’s here now.

He came back. He’s fighting for me. I know him, much better than he likes to think anyone ever could, and I know that he’s hurting. Good, that makes two of us. That’s the only reason he could be so cold to me. If he didn’t care about me anymore, then he’d leave me to get on with my life without a care in the world, not holding on and refusing to let me go.

She told herself her decision was based on the stiff neck she dreaded waking up to in the morning, if she got any sleep at all, but she knew. She knew she wasn’t ready to let the man beside her leave her life for a second time.

Startling Ethan, Anna shot to her feet and began the walk to the elevator. She looked over her shoulder with an exasperated expression on her face, gesturing towards him. “Well? Are you coming or not?”

Ethan’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline as he was taken aback at her sudden reversal. He quickly jumped up and strode to the elevator, hoping to get Anna up to his room safely before she changed her mind or wanted a rematch of their earlier screaming contest. He was utterly dumbfounded that she’d had a change of heart, fully anticipating sitting in the hotel lobby all night long in pained silence. Whatever was going through her head in the last five minutes had done him a huge favour, possibly granting him the chance to apologise for his earlier words, however undeserved forgiveness may be.

They made their way to his suite in near silence, the only noise coming from her high heels knocking against each other in her hand as she carried them by her side. He suppressed a chuckle at the sight of her walking barefoot through the opulent halls of the swanky hotel, a warmth filling his chest as he realised that maybe some things would never change. He had no idea what she’d been through in their year apart, but he was glad to see she was still the down to earth and carefree firecracker he had come to know.

Ethan opened the door to his suite, letting Anna through before closing it softly behind them. She dropped her shoes to the ground unceremoniously, immediately making her way to the mini bar cart in the corner of the living area. She squatted down, ready to make her pick when she looked up and caught Ethan’s brow quirking at her.

“If I need to be in your company, I’m going to need a stiff drink… or ten.”

He flashed her a smirk as he gestured to the cart. “By all means. I’ll take my usual whilst you’re at it.”

Her stomach fluttered as she pulled her gaze away, Ethan’s returning the gesture as she immediately poured him a scotch. It’s just a fucking drink, calm yourself. He thanked her as he took the tumbler from her hand, their fingers brushing together slightly as he watched her fight the blush rising to her cheeks.

“I’m going to take this out on the balcony,” he motioned towards the sliding doors leading out onto his seafront view. “I don’t suppose you’d like to join me?”

“I don’t.” Ethan nodded, slightly flustered but fully expectant of the rejection. “But I’m pretty sure it’ll be less depressing than sitting in bed drinking myself, so lead the way.”

They settled on the balcony furniture, Ethan taking off his tux jacket and draping it across the table as the humid Italian summer air brought a sheen to both of them.

They sat in silence for a long while, both of their minds racing on how to calmly approach the other as they topped up their glasses intermittently until the bottle drew empty. Only then, in her slightly drunk state, did Anna decide to go for it.

“So…” she cleared her throat as she looked towards the dark sea, close enough to hear the gentle waves rippling. “How long are you here for?”

“My father and I are actually here for a few weeks. He’s always wanted to travel to Italy, so when Sa-”, Ethan silently berated himself for bringing up the elephant in the room, the atmosphere suddenly feeling even more tense. He coughed before attempting to power through. “Once the wedding was moved up and moved abroad, he and I decided to make a vacation out of it.”

“The Dr. Ramsey is trying to have fun? Did you suffer a traumatic brain injury in my year away?”

Ethan smirked as he shook his head. “I’d hardly call it fun. I do enjoy visiting Italy… however it’s not as though I’ve very well got much else to do with the hospital closing down.”

“What?” Anna’s drink came sputtering out, choking as the wine doused her dress. Ethan patted her back, handing her a handkerchief as she wiped the liquid dribbling down her chin. “Edenbrook’s closing down?”

“Closed. Declared bankruptcy. Yesterday was our final day open…” Ethan looked at her curiously, brows furrowed in confusion. “You didn’t know?”

“Uh… no. I didn’t, actually.” Anna played with the hem of her dress as she fiddled guiltily. “I don’t actually keep in touch with anyone from the hospital anymore.”

Ethan’s head snapped back as he looked at her in shock. “No one? But you and your friends lived together… I would have at least expected you to stay in touch with Dr Trinh.”

“Please don’t make me feel worse about it than I already do.” She sighed. “It was just… too difficult.”

Anna had tried to stay in touch with her friends, all of the roommates alongside Bryce and Rafael. She’d even taken Ines’ number, the older doctor wanting to keep in touch after forming a close bond during their year working together. She really did try, but she hadn’t only lost Ethan when she left Boston; the man she thought was the love of her life. She had lost her entire life. She felt as though she no longer had an identity, everything she had been working towards since she was a teenager had suddenly been snatched away from her, and she was left with nothing. If she couldn’t be a doctor, who was she?

Her friends called and texted for a few months, hoping to stay in her life even as she settled in a new city, but it got increasingly tougher to catch up and hear about their lives when every single one of theirs revolved around the hospital, each of them practically living there. Every phone call was a painful reminder of the life she’d never get to lead. Sooner or later, she fell away from the majority of them, only choosing to speak to Sienna, and even then it was only due to Sienna’s incessant texting and worries over Anna.

Eventually, that communication dwindled until it ultimately ended, and although Anna felt major remorse at the situation, she finally felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders as she could truly leave Boston behind.

Or so she thought.

She wondered what kind of karma she was due to be sentenced to the return of Ethan Ramsey.

Anyone else returning to her life from Boston would have been exponentially less excruciating.

“Anna?”

“Sorry,” she shook her head as if to attempt to literally shake the troubled thoughts from her mind. “No, I don’t speak to Sienna anymore. A few months after I left, I decided to change my number… I just didn’t give it to any of them.”

“I know.”

“You know what?”

“I know you changed your number. I, er-” Ethan cleared his throat as he shuffled in his seat, studiously looking anywhere bar Anna’s direction. “I may have tried to call you a time or two.”

The shock was evident on her face as she finally turned in his direction. “You did?”

“Yes. I… I actually went to the Amazon to work for a couple of months the day after I last saw you, I’m not sure if you were aware of that.”

“No,” her eyes were wide as she shook her head, “probably because my friends knew I wasn’t in a frame of mind to hear any news about you.”

“Ah. I see.” He swallowed down another bout of guilt as he was once again reminded of how much he had affected her. “Well, I was gone for two months, working with the WHO in Brazil. I signed on for the mission with wholly unrealistic ideals and completely inappropriate reasoning for taking the job.” Anna looked at him expectantly, clearly waiting on him to further explain but he made no effort to. “Anyway, when I got back to Boston, I tried to call you. And I, uh… I think I may have tried another time after that, too.” Shoot me. It would be less painful.

He cleared his throat as she looked at him in surprise, averting her gaze as he toyed with the rim of his drink.

There was pure silence for a moment before he heard a soft “but… why?”

This was it. The moment of truth; the words he’d longed to speak since that sorry night but thought he’d never get the chance to say. The words he’d truly meant earlier but were jailed by fear, instead projecting his own insecurities onto her.

He lifted his head, turning his body fully towards Anna as he reached across to take her hand in his own. Before he could graze the soft skin, a loud noise interrupted their moment, a moving blur of grey and white suddenly directly in front of them as his eyes bulged out of his head.

“Jesus Christ!”

“Ethan, calm down! It’s a seagull!” But as Anna tried to get him to stay still, she couldn’t hold back the boisterous laugh that came barrelling out. “Ethan!” She clutched her stomach as she struggled to contain herself and he thrashed, when suddenly the force of Ethan’s struggle sent his chair flying, his back connecting with the balcony floor forcefully. The bird flew away, clearly pleased with the terrorised looks on its prey’s face as she attempted to kneel down to help him.

His cheeks flushed red as he fought off the embarrassment over his unexplainable fear of birds, attempting to sit up and thoroughly avoiding eye contact with Anna until he realised she wasn’t making any noise. His head snapped towards her as she took a sudden inhale of breath, tears streaming down her face as she cried with laughter. His pursuit of a scowl died on his face quickly, the corners of his lips turning upwards subconsciously as he appreciated the first real smile he’d seen from Anna all night. He studied her intently as he watched her catch her breath, uttering apologies as she helped him to his feet.

And suddenly, it was as though a dam had broken within him. All of the little quirks Anna had, all of the memories they shared together; the sight of her smile lighting up her entire face brought it all rushing back to him.

It was as though Anna could read his mind, her breath now caught and a noticeable shift in her demeanour as she looked up at him. She wondered what was going on in that complex mind of his, albeit she was slightly frightened to find out. It had been a long time since she had fallen victim to the scrutiny of his intense gaze, and she found herself feeling shy and restless under it.

In an attempt to stop whatever was about to leave his mouth, a bright idea sparked in her tipsy brain.

“Let’s go swimming!”

Ethan’s eyebrows shot together as he stared at her in disbelief. “Swimming?” She nodded enthusiastically as he looked over the balcony edge to the sea. “It’s 3am, Anna.”

“And?”

And that was how Ethan ended up on the sand, at 3 o’clock in the morning, his shoes and socks forgotten at the steps up to the hotel as he watched Anna dip her toes in the water before moving in further.

“What are you doing all the way back there?” Anna shouted from her spot in the sea, the waves gently crashing against her knees as she turned back to look at him.

“Preserving a three-thousand dollar suit, Rookie. Are you really planning on going in wearing that dress?”

She ran back, giggling and lapping up the saltwater as it sprayed against her sun kissed skin.

She made it back to the sand, Ethan once again surmising how easy it was to smile when she was around, his jaw taking a workout after a year without her and her escapades. She was utterly contagious.

“Of course not.” She shot him a mischievous grin as she bent down slightly and crossed her arms over, reaching the hem of her dress as she pulled it up and over her head in one forceful tug, more than happy to discard any remnants of the wedding rehearsal. It was soon forgotten on the sandy beach, Anna’s hair swaying in the gentle breeze of the ocean as she shook her head and let out a giggle.

Ethan swallowed over the lump in his throat as his eyes trailed over the sinful underwear adorning her curves, green and black lace contrasting perfectly against her olive complexion. He longed to reach out and touch her creamy skin, yearning to discover if it still felt as soft and smooth as their only shared night many moons ago.

She cleared her throat as she noticed the trail his eyes were following, a shy yet scandalised expression crossing her face as she quirked her eyebrow at him. “Are you joining me?”

He grumbled under his breath as his fingers reached for his tie, loosening it before taking it off completely and moving to his shirt. Soon enough, he stood clad in nothing but his boxers, praising himself for keeping his gaze above Anna’s shoulders as he undressed and avoiding an embarrassing situation in his underwear.

“Don’t stop now.” She smirked, “I thought we were going skinny dipping.”

“You must be kidding. Not a chance in hell, Anna.”

“Relax, grandpa. Don’t get your knickers in a twist… or better yet,” she grinned, “take them off.”

Anna suddenly turned on her heel, biting her lip through a smile as she looked over her shoulder towards him. Her hands reached behind herself, deftly unclasping her bra and letting it fall to the sand. Ethan’s hands clenched into fists as he held himself back from reaching for her, silently pondering the turn of events that had led their night to end like this. She soon became restless under the intensity of his heated stare, and began to move into the water. With purposeful moves, her thumbs dipped into the scrap of lace she called underwear, dragging them down her legs before kicking them up with one foot and catching them midair. Once her lower half was fully immersed in the warm water, she turned back to face him, one hand covering what she could manage of her full breasts, her thong dangling from the tips of her fingers on the other.

With remarkable aim, she lobbed it into the air, the tiny piece of fabric landing at his feet as she called out to him. “Catch me if you can.”

She proceeded to float backwards in the water, the tops of her breasts rising through the rippling waves, leaving Ethan a shivering wreck as his fingers twitched against his waistband.

“Oh, to hell with it.”

Before he could change his mind, and before he could allow himself to further analyse the lack of control he struggled to exercise when it came to one Anna Valentine, his boxers were off and he was treading into the water towards her. She pulled her head out of the water, grinning wickedly as Ethan walked towards her. He took a few long strides before diving under the surface, completely submerging himself in the crystal clear water eclipsed by the dark night sky.

“Ethan?”

She called his name again and again, looking into the dark sea to no avail when suddenly she was forced from the water, Ethan emerging to full height with Anna in his arms, one looping behind her knees and the other’s hand pressed flat against her back. She giggled in glee as he spun her around, panting slightly as a small smile broke through.

“Caught you.”

Her gaze landed on his, both of their smiles only growing as they looked at one another like there was no one else in the world.

“Well, well, well, Dr. Ramsey. Looks like you do know how to have fun after all.”

He chuckled as he shook his head, eyes immediately returning to her grinning face, a warmth blooming in his chest as he recognised that same light in her eyes back again. Anna broke free from their connected trance first, whilst pulling her arms around Ethan’s neck to stay steady as she gazed out onto the wide expanse of the Mediterranean. His eyes threatened to travel the length of her exposed figure, a herculean effort to keep them anchored to her giddy face.

She reached her arms behind herself, her entire body stretching as her back arched and she yelled “I’m king of the world!”

Her only response was a raised eyebrow and a smirk gracing Ethan’s plump lips. “I’m pretty sure that’s my line, Rookie.”

Once again their eyes found each other, chocolate on sapphire as the adrenaline coursing through them began to wear off, finally allowing themselves to appreciate the touch of their bare skin on one another after a long year. Anna smiled shyly as she removed her arms from his neck, Ethan taking the hint as he lowered her back into the water and dipped down himself.

“You seem like a different person to earlier, much more like your old self.”

She bit back a glare and chuckled despite herself. “No, really?” She mocked. “What a shock: to think that it must help when you’re not getting called a slut.”

Ethan winced, his earlier outburst back at the forefront of his mind as the guilt burned his cheeks. “Anna, I’m so, so deeply sorry for that.”

“It’s fine, Ethan,” she waved him off.

“It’s not fine. It was utterly disgraceful.”

“I think the red patch on your cheek is enough payback.” She smirked as he couldn’t help but to grin back at her, shaking his head playfully.

“Either way,” he sighed as he regained seriousness. “I cannot apologise enough. I’m certainly not proud of myself for what I said. It’s just…” Anna watched his expression turn thoughtful as he spoke carefully. “I couldn’t have anticipated the onslaught of feelings that seeing you again would bring; feelings that I’ve neglected to face for over a year.”

Anna swallowed heavily, unsure of where the conversation was heading and whether or not he planned to share those feelings with her. “Oh?”

He nodded nervously, albeit feeling somewhat confident that she hadn’t immediately shut down the conversation. “About what you said earlier, that you wouldn’t have needed to look to other men if I had just given in to what we were both hoping for anyway… you were right. And I think it struck a cord because I already knew that, and I hate myself for the jealousy I feel over something I forced you into.”

Anna looked taken aback as she managed to stutter, “you felt jealous?”

“Obscenely.”

The heat in Ethan’s gaze was unmistakable, the usual bright blue nearly taken over by his lust blown pupils. Anna swallowed over a bout of fear and took a leap. She moved towards him slightly, and when she met no resistance or movement on his part, continued until she was reaching out to him, skating her fingers up his muscular arms as his breath hitched.

Her fingers danced across his shoulders before finally looping her arms around his neck loosely, all the while their eyes never leaving one another. They could hear the others breathing growing heavy, eyes heavy with longing as Ethan pulled her in closer, his arms finding their way home to her waist but tactically keeping their hips apart. The excruciating need to feel her body pressed against his lost in a battle to fear; fear that he’d ruined his chances once and for all; afraid of the bone crushing pain of her rejection.

“Did you miss me?” The words left Anna’s lips subconsciously, her eyes widening slightly as she realised she’d uttered her thoughts aloud. She was even more surprised at the immediate response and the confidence behind it.

“Yes. Every minute of the day.”

Anna’s heart leapt as she searched his eyes, looking for any trace of regret in his statement as he bared his soul to her, but all she found was pure honesty and vulnerability as his grip on her tightened.

She bit her lip as she weighed up her options. The man holding her had brought more pain to her life than anyone she’d ever known; he’d brought more pain to her life than she thought was possible. She should be pushing away from him, running a mile in the other direction and never looking back. But now, as she heard him confess that he’d thought of her in their time apart, all she wanted to do was pull him closer.

Slowly and carefully, she slightly rested her weight on Ethan’s shoulders as she brought her legs up, wrapping them around his taut waist as he suppressed a groan.

He watched as her mouth opened, waiting with bated breath as she finally whispered, “prove it.”

At last, he pulled her body tightly into his, watching as her eyes rolled back as he pressed his hips into her. She gasped as she felt him against her, his length hot and heavy as it nudged her centre, teasing her as he moved ever so slightly.

“Can you feel how much you affect me?”

She bit her lip as she nodded slowly as she took a sharp intake of breath. “I still think I could use further clarification, though.”

He recognised the invitation in her seductive tone, one of his hands leaving her waist to travel up her back and land in her thick hair. He tenderly pushed her wet hair off her face before taking hold of it, gently tugging it back to raise her face to him and compensate for their height difference as he slowly began to lean down, eyes flickering towards her plump lips when a sudden noise broke them out of their trance.

Was that…?

“Anna?”

Shit.

The pair broke apart, the water splashing around them vigorously as they both recognised the deep voice calling to them from the hotel steps a short distance away.

“Sam?” Anna weakly shouted, her voice lost in the dark void of night.

She looked towards the shore, noticing two figures walking down the pathway to the beach, wondering who was accompanying him.

“Sam?” She called out to him, louder this time, earning a look in her direction as he began to walk to her.

“Anna?” He narrowed his eyes as he struggled to make her out with lack of light. “What the hell are you doing in the sea at this time?”

His strides faltered slightly as he noticed his cousin emerging from the depths of the ocean with her. “Ethan,” he nodded towards him, confused by the scene unfolding before his eyes, but seeing enough to know he didn’t like it.

Ethan returned the sentiment, and groaned inwardly as the figure walking behind his cousin rose from the shadows, revealing himself to be his father.

“Son,” he smiled knowingly, much too happy to catch his son in such a predicament. “Anna, lovely to see you again.”

“Hi, Mr Ramsey.”

Sam stood expectantly, waiting for Anna to come out of the water so he could speak to her. She noticed the look on his face, shutting her eyes as she let out an embarrassed breath. “I…” her gaze flickered to Ethan’s father, before casting a sidelong glance at Ethan himself. She thought about whispering, but Sam himself probably wouldn’t manage to hear her over the gentle waves of the night combined with the necessary distance between them to keep her body underwater. She sighed as she faced the inevitable. “I’m not actually wearing anything.”

Sam’s jaw clenched as he questioned the nature of their midnight swim, but pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind and bit his tongue as he shrugged out of his suit jacket. He turned to face Alan and Ethan, raising his eyebrows as he said, “if you wouldn’t mind?”

They both turned swiftly, Sam walking right to the waters edge as Anna stood, immediately wrapping her in the jacket. Their vast size difference worked in her favour tonight, the jacket dwarfing her as he ushered her out of the sea.

Sam coughed to clear his throat, signalling it was safe for the other men to turn around. Ethan’s gaze hardened ever so slightly as his eyes fell upon Anna in Sam’s clothes, chastising himself for feeling jealousy at something so juvenile.

“Will you…” Sam wondered how to word his question, “do you need-”

Luckily Ethan correctly assumed the ending, waving him off as he shook his head. “I’ll wait here. You two,” Sam noticed his jaw muscles tense ever so slightly as he forced himself to spit out the rest of his sentiments. “You two go on yourselves.”

They both nodded and said goodnight, Anna stealing another peak at Ethan as Sam ushered her away, hand gently but firmly on her lower back as he held her clothes in his other hand.

He watched as they entered the hotel and let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes momentarily, only for them to snap wide open as he heard the rumbling chuckle of his father.

“I’m sorry, is this funny to you?”

“Son, I think this is the most I’ve ever felt like your father in 38 years.” His chuckle died down to a good natured giggle, his smile warm as he shook his head affectionately. “That Rookie must be someone special to get you to strip down to your birthday suit in public.”

She is.

Inside the hotel, Anna was now thankful for their staffing shortcomings, glad no one had to witness her traipsing through the halls soaking wet, completely naked under a man’s suit. Wordlessly, she followed Sam to the elevator, her thoughts racing as she wondered if he’d been able to see her wrapped in Ethan’s embrace as he walked out. Her thoughts allowed her to wonder the alternative; what would have happened if he hadn’t walked out?

She followed him inside, noticing he tapped the button for the top floor and breaking out of her daze as the doors closed over. “Where are we going?”

“I know the owner of this hotel, so when my Uncle Alan said Ethan had taken you from the party and this is where they were staying, I called for a suite.”

She nodded mutely, the air conditioning in the lift causing a shiver to run through her.

Sam reached out instinctively, pulling her into his arms as he rubbed her back soothingly. Resting his head atop hers, he sighed as his hands stopped their ministrations.

“Anna, I think you and I have a lot to talk about.”

**********

Taglist: @charlotteg234 @queenrileyrose @forallthatitsworth @ao719 @burnsoslow @mia143 @stateofgracious @mainstreetreader @emkay512 @jerzwriter @lsvdw-blog @starrystarrytrouble @ohchoices @schnitzelbutterfingers @choicesbutterfly @itzmequeenb @thefrenchiemama @txemrn @lady-calypso @kat-tia801 @shanzay44 @sfb123 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @thegreentwin @liamxs-world @jooous @caroldxnvxrs @greatthings-blog-blog

I think I tagged everyone that wanted to be tagged! It’s been that long since I posted this story that I might have missed someone, or if you’re no longer interested that’s totally understandable lmao just drop me a message.

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mcustorm · 4 years ago

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In Defense of a Black Cyclops

In case my username didn’t make it clear, the single most anticipated visual project for me is the MCU’s interpretation of the X-Men, which hasn’t even been announced yet [officially]. And ladies and gents, I have found your Cyclops:

Good ol’ Alfred Enoch, who we all know from Harry Potter and How to Get Away With Murder. If you’re not familiar with HTGAWM, know that his character goes from the de facto leader of the ragtag (murderers) and most cherished protege of Viola Davis’ Professor X to taking more of a grimdark turn after his girlfriend’s death. Sound at least somewhat familiar?

Enoch also embodies the physicality of the character well, seeing as to how he’s “slim”, 6′4(!!), black, and notoriously lanky. Wait, one of these isn’t like the others.

In general I hate fancasting. Everyone generally picks from the same pool of about 30 actors (Peeps, neither Taron nor Daniel is a good Wolverine choice. Argue with your mother!), and most all of it is based on physicality, except when it absolutely should be (like say, choosing a ~5′10 dark-skinned black woman for Storm).

And I think there’s some malarkey afoot. I think there needs to be some serious consideration on part of fancasters and actual casting agents alike to rethink race when it comes to the [white] X-Men, especially since they’re the X-Men of all teams. So I’ll make the case for a black Cyclops:

1. There is no quota on Black X-Men: There’s a bug in your ear that’s been whispering lies to you for years, it says something to the effect of “We need a black person on the team for diversity. How bout Storm?” And you’ve gotten complacent. Storm does not have to be the only black person on your X-Men roster.

2. The X-Men represent diversity: Iceman is gay, Cyclops and Prof. X are disabled (sorta), there are plenty of women, oh and everybody except Storm is white. Of the A-List X-Men, there is only *one* POC character. I’d argue that an MCU X-Men needs to champion diversity like never before.

3. The X-Men represent minority struggle while being mostly white: There’s a cognitive dissonance in the metaphor that has always been there, and for the most part, nobody cares. To appeal to the white readers of the 60′s, the X-Men were all initially white. That way, the message of the mutants could be related to the audience with a familiar face. We don’t need to approach the problem that way in 202?

4. Just because that’s the way it’s always been, doesn’t mean that’s the way it should be: The first line of defense. Sorry, that will never be a good justification for literally any idea. It’s time for some more critical thinking.

5. We don’t all want to be Bishop: So say you’re white and you have a kid who for his birthday having a costume party. You’ve bought some X-Men costumes and you want each kid to pick one. 9 white kids and one black kid show up to your house. As the kids deliberate who gets what costume, be it Cyke or Wolvie or whatever, you yell at everybody to “STOP!”, point to the one black kid and tell him “You’re gonna be Bishop. That’s it, end of story!”

We don’t all want to be Bishop. The black child could have the best Cyclops interpretation within him, but you’ll never know if you don’t let him try. And that’s no different from the Black actors of Hollywood. There’s no reason why all of the black talent should *have* to compete for the role of Bishop or Storm, which I’ve discussed, while Joe Schmo can walk up and audition for literally anybody he wants.

Jharrel Jerome is 23 and has an Emmy to his name. He needs to be in the MCU in some capacity, period. Stephan James is another. How bout Damson Idris. Ashton Sanders. But no, no, let’s fancast Dacre Montgomery or Ansel or Joe Keery again as [Human Torch, Wolverine, Iceman, Angel, I’ve literally seen it all.]

6. Nobody wants to see the B-team if it comes down to it. The next line of defense from your racebending naysayers after “That’s the way it’s always been!” is “Well, what about Psylocke, Bishop, Forge and Jubilee?” who are otherwise known as B-tier X-Men. The problem is, we’ve got limited time and limited spots.

So since the X-Men is all about wonky metaphors that make half sense, let me give you another: Let’s say somebody approaches you and says “Hey buddy, I got two free concert tickets for ya! You can either see Michael Jackson Sings the Blues, or you can go see Justin Timberlake. Free of charge!”

Now, are you used to MJ singing the blues? No! Do you have a problem with going to see Justin Timberlake? No, he’s fine on a Wednesday! He had that one little diddy we liked that one time. We’d love to see him eventually! But are you gonna say, “fuck that, I’m going to see MJ Sings the Blues” regardless? Hell yes, because that’s still Michael Jackson. He’s gonna give the same amazing performance he always does, it’s just gonna be the blues. And speaking of blues...

7. Black is not Blue, Brown is not Blue: Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard this one: “I don’t care if you’re black, white, purple, or green, I’m going to treat you all the same!” I will not say all have this intention, but some fancasters have noticed that the racial diversity is kinda low within the A-List X-Men, so they oh-so-generously give the following roles to a black or brown person: Iceman, Nightcrawler, Beast.

Notice the pattern? It’s a microaggression, and it’s bullshit. What these fancasters are implicitly telling you is that, yes the actors will be black or brown, but when the action starts we can ignore that. They’ll be blue by then. In other words, you in fact do care if they’re purple or green. Nobody will cry foul if Dev Patel gets to play Nightcrawler (because that’s a common one I see), but should Anna Diop be Starfire or Michael B. Jordan be Human Torch, I bet there’d be backlash. Oh wait. If that’s you, please stop acting like you actually value diversity. You don’t want to see black or brown skin, period. Unless of course, it’s Storm (refer to point #1).

But wait, there’s more! When brown characters get whitewashed in these movies, it’s crickets! So eventually it’s revealed implicitly that proclaimers of point #4 only care about it one way.

8. Professor X should not be black if you’re not willing to change anyone else: The next line of defense is that some people say the professor should be black, if anybody HAS to be racebent. Something something MLK Jr., Civil Rights or some shit. Number one, I’m not reducing Professor X to being a magical negro for 9 white people (and Storm!) who for all intents and purposes get to have all the action. Number 2, the Professor X/MLK/Magneto/Malcolm X comparison is an oversimplifying disservice to ALL FOUR of those people. I hate that line whenever I see it, please watch a documentary my friends.

9. The Candidates for Racebending: For me, the A-List X-Men are Cyclops, Jean Grey, Iceman, Angel, Beast, Wolverine, Storm, Gambit, Rogue, Colossus, Nightcrawler, and Kitty Pryde. Now, who should be exempt from the racebending? Storm, she’s our designated minority. Gambit, he’s Cajun and they’re white (generally speaking, that’s a fun bit of research). Wolverine, Colossus, and Nightcrawler, because their nationality/ethnicity was the whole point of the Giant-Size premise in the first place. Angel, because his character embodies a privileged white male. Beast and Iceman, I don’t care one way or another (Point #7).

That leaves Cyclops, Rogue, Jean Grey, and Kitty Pryde. Now Jean Grey is a redhead, and we all know that every time a redhead is racebent people sharpen their pitchforks (Mary Jane, Wally West, Iris West), so I will cede the ground on Jean if only so that my ginger friends can get their rep. Kitty Pryde is Jewish, but Jews of color exist. Rogue is from the South. And Cyclops is, well, just Cyclops. That makes those three characters good options for more diversity. But allow me to make the case for Cyclops, specifically.

10. It’s not just diversity for diversity’s sake: If you had to pick who the main character of the X-Men is supposed to be, most would say Cyclops. And so in a series that highlights racial discrimination in society, it makes sense that our main character be black. While changing Cyclops’ skin color should not change who he is as a character, it *should* recontextualize it. Now, as an eventual increasingly radical leader of the X-Men, Cyclops would evoke real life figures such as Colin Kaepernick or, shall I say, Martin Luther King, Jr.

Not that most X-Men fans and writers truly think about what it means to be black anyways. Storm’s minority status is almost always put through the lens of her being a mutant and not her being a black woman. In other words, you can’t argue that making a character black will fundamentally change his or her character when you haven’t even analyzed the racial context of the black character(s) you already have. Another concept that the MCU X-Men should tackle: intersectionality.

11. Representation matters: I have to say it: Chadwick Boseman’s Black Panther hit different. And now he is tragically gone. At the end of the day, the MCU moving forward is down its most prominent black male superhero. Which has implications beyond just the movies themselves.

The women are in good hands. Shuri, Okoye, and Nakia are badasses in Wakanda, Valkyrie is ruling Asgard, Storm is almost assuredly on the way, RiRi Williams has already been cast, and Monica Rambeau is here and she’s not even at her most glorious yet. That doesn’t even include variable Δ, or the number of characters who can and will be racebent. And I’ll note again that to me, Gamora doesn’t count, because she’s green (#7 really pisses me off because it’s so blatant. I hate it). Of course from a behind the camera perspective we love black women getting work.

The men are a completely different story. Imma just go out and say it, I can’t stand Falcon and War Machine [in the MCU] because they’re not characters, they’re just two of a slew of MCU minority sidekicks who have essentially been at the beck and call of Captain America and Iron Man, respectively. You cannot tell Falcon’s story without mentioning Cap. The reverse is not true. There’s a whole essay that could be and have been written on “Minorities in the MCU, pre-Black Panther”. Remember, there’s a reason BP made so much noise in the first place.

So excluding those two we have, let’s see, M’Baku, Blade, and Fury who aren’t exactly the most superheroic superheroes, Eli Bradley is proooobably coming, I doubt Miles Morales is coming (because he’s just Peter Parker in the MCU), Luke Cage(?) Bishop(??), Sunspot(???), Blue Marvel(????). Not only are they not A-List, I would not put money on any of them being in the MCU any time soon.

Cyclops is thee Captain America of the X-Men. He’s the frontman. He’s the poster boy. He’s the “boy scout”, which in other words means he’s the hero, if there has to be one. It would mean a lot right now, and specifically *right now*, if he were to be black. The MCU needs it. It NEEDS it.

12. The X-Men is the Summers Story: I’ll even make the case that if just one character needs to racebent, then it should be Cyclops, because that of course implies that other related characters need to be black because half of the X-Men universe is in fact a part of the Summers family.

So now Cable is black. Corsair is black. Havok is black. And one of the most central stories in the X-Men mythos, the Summers family drama, is now a black family drama set in space or the future or where the fuck ever. The concept is boundary pushing. When white families have drama in the media, it gets to be Game of Thrones or Star Wars, while when black families have drama in the media, it has to be black people arguing in a kitchen or living room about their various earthly traumas (I’m @’ing you, Mr. Perry). I mean, that’s all fine and good often times, but I want my black family drama in space, dammit.

And again, this is the X-Men, the series that’s all about *minorities* and their struggle, so again, why not?

Oh, and I’ll even throw out a Havok fancast for you: How bout Jharrel Jerome?

#cyclops #scott summers #the mutants #monica rambeau #X-men #xmen #marvel #MCU #fancast #jharrel would actually be a better sunspot #but you get the point #my man would have OPTIONS

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discotreque · 3 years ago

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LwD 2.03: We’ll Always Have Tom Paris

I’ve lived in the same apartment for eight years now, and yesterday was the fifth catastrophic mechanical failure of the same bathroom toilet—all unrelated issues, too; this time it was the fill valve. At this point I don’t know whether to call a plumber or an exorcist… but anyway, it’s been kind of hard to focus on Star Trek! Ugh.

This week’s episode is credited to M. Willis, who I last encountered on She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, a show about which I wrote literally 100,000 words of fanfic last year, in between Picard and Lower Decks when I had no Star Trek to obsess over. Willis’s She-Ra episodes tended to be slightly off-format in execution, with big action set pieces, lots of characters in unexpected combinations, and usually an emotional game-changer of a climax—and her last credit on this show was “Much Ado About Boimler,” which obviously had all those elements too. She writes to her strengths!

Spoilers within:

If you need me, I’m going to be ugly-laughing about “Voy” for the rest of the day. (Wow, that does actually save a ton of time!)

SHAXS IS BACKXS!!!! The lower-deckers never knowing how or why a senior officer came back from the dead is a perfect microcosm of this show. I love that he still calls Rutherford “Baby Bear,” and I love the weird cosmic horror that LwD keeps sprinkling into the Star Trek universe. (What does that koala know?) I hope this doesn’t mean we’ve seen the last of Kayshon! His appearance on the bridge gives me hope we’ll get to keep both characters around.

Star Trek has always had fairly fuzzy world-building for the world outside Starfleet—understandable, since 99% of Star Trek takes place within Starfleet—but it’s been such a thrill to see LwD (and Picard) finally establish some in-universe pop culture that isn’t conveniently familiar to 20th- or 21st-century audiences. Like the Zebulon Sisters last season—a band that apparently does USO-style tours of Starfleet ships? Delightful. Kestra Troi-Riker having a t-shirt from a Sex Pistols cover band in Klingon? Fucking brilliant. Tendi bonding with the guy at the storage place over the “Klingon acid punk” playing from his little Bluetooth speaker? PUT IT IN MY VEINS.

They really put the character development in gear this week! I liked how we locked in a couple of things already established in extra-canonical material: Mariner’s bisexuality, which Mike McMahan mentioned in an interview last year, and Tendi’s given name, D’vana (which I was sure we’d heard on the show before, but I guess not?).

Speaking of Mariner’s love life, is human–Bynar dating just… by definition a threesome situation?

We learned a lot of new things about Tendi, though, and every single one makes her 10 times more interesting to me. Remember last season, when she said “many” Orions hadn’t been pirates or slavers “for over five years”? Is the implication that something happened in Orion culture—around the end of the Dominion War?—that led to Tendi (and presumably others) rejecting a life of crime and joining Starfleet? How long was she “the Mistress of Winter Constellations” before that—or is it more of an inherited title? I want more Tendi lore!!!!

(Speaking of Tendi’s life, another quick and confounding piece of information for my red-yarn “what the hell is up with Tendiford” theory board: Mariner asks if they’re dating and Tendi’s response is “Not really!” Not really? That’s not no, D’vana!)

This show continues to be a surprisingly conventional workplace sitcom underneath all the excellent Star Trek (and that’s not a bad thing, just a genre overlap that keeps falling out of the front of my mind). Boimler’s inability to use the computer hit way too close to home for me this week: a couple years ago, I returned to a job after a long-term leave of absence, during which time I’d been assigned to a new manager—who’d never had an employee return from long-term leave before, so he didn’t know what to do beforehand—so I spent my first day back just chilling at my desk, fucking around on my phone, because there was literally nothing else I could do without logging into the system first. Too real!

Something we’ve seen in this show that I’m not sure we’ve seen before w/r/t the food replicators is somebody putting a tray of food into the replicator to add more food on top of it—in this case Shaxs getting spicy kiwi ketchup (?!) on a hot dog he seems to have already replicated. (He couldn’t have asked for “hot dog, with spicy kiwi ketchup” in the first place? This is haunting me worse than him coming back from the dead.)

As a certified cat lady, the T’Ana plotline—and its resolution—made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe (unless that was the toxoplasmosis). I should have seen it coming, but I was too distracted by the second-hand embarrassment of them breaking “Jeremy” (and the completely unprecedented Star Trek plot of a doctor getting off on her grandmother’s family heirloom…).

Miscellany:

Jet offering to carry Boimler across the threshold of the door like a bride… am I going to ship THIS now?

Mariner interpreting Tendi’s “talk like a pirate!” in the same way a modern millennial would—“Arr, how ya be doin’ today, me fellow Orion?”—might have been my favourite dumb joke in the entire episode. (“I’m allergic to, uh, pheromones?”)

Tawny Newsome read the line about “only one name, like Odo!” in the script and apparently literally called Mike McMahan out of the blue to remind him that Odo’s name is short for “Odo’ital” and she didn’t want nitpicking nerds on her case. He told her the line was so funny he would accept the nitpicking, so don’t blame Tawny—she tried to warn him!

“There’s like, only a couple people in the quadrant who can say they got beat up by Tom Paris.” Is that a burn? I think that’s a burn.

Another banger of an episode. This show is more confident this season, and I’m loving it—and based on what I’ve heard from people who’ve seen the next two episodes, it only gets better from here. HYYYYYYYPE!!!!!!

See you next week—I’ve got to go fashion a toilet plunger into a crucifix, apparently.

#star trek #star trek lower decks #lower decks #lower decks spoilers #lwd spoilers #amy's episode notes

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giuliano-fan-account · 3 years ago

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Theres way too many things I love abt the dark continent but for now I’ll just start w/ like writing down and rambling about this obscure funny little guy named Giuliano.

He’s such a funny character to me- like there are a bunch of random little traits and details that he has that togashi threw in that I go wild over for absolutely 0 reason

like first of all hes weirdly fixated on songs. I think Togashi just wanted to put a character in there that was his outlet for all the random songs he likes. I love the fact that Izunavi literally has to say “Don’t come at me with your song quotes.” and in general he just makes refrences to pop culture- like dragonball for some reason.

Its so funny but also sad that the only reason he reads the book of tyson- and inevitibly puts himself in danger and under the influence of her nen beast- is because she cleverly integrated quotes of songs in there

His hair... its either messy or neat, and this is a trait for NO reason. I absolutely love it. It just adds to him being silly.

neat vs messy

HE CAN ALSO PLAY GUITAR 😭😭

like during their ‘rock concert’ i can just imagine him freaking shredding the guitar- and I like to imagine that since Izunavi (before the concert) did not want to sing at all- tried to play the guitar but it sucked, and Giuliano did vice versa for singing and it sounded EVEN WORSE, but thats just a headcanon.

His name is italian. I love when Togashi gives his characters names with pronounciations from other languages or just full on words from other languages. HE NAMES A CHARACTER BILL AND BISCUIT 😭

He’s- in canon- conventionally attractive just because Tyson picks her bodyguards based off of looks- IT SAYS IN HIS WIKI PAGE (and also izunavisHSHA)- “Since Prince Tyson hires her bodyguards based on their looks, Giuliano is probably considered attractive.”

Some of my favorite quotes:

“Just the chapter titles in the table of contents are so gripping I can’t get past them!”

“Izu, you’re just in denial.”

“Want to know how to praise [a book] without reading it?” (he skipped all his literature classes)

He’s a Hunter? thats kind of a given just bc he has the H on his suit but still. Why did he become a hunter and what is his nen ability/affiliation!? I NEED TO KNOW??

If you read into his character a bit, he actually seems pretty emotionally intelligent aside from the bad alibis lol. He gets a lot more serious in his last appearance (WHIC HMAKES ME WANT TO CRY WITH THE “yes, your highness...” “yes, your highness...” HWHSD) and I appreciate it.

THE SAD THING IS HES PROBABLY GOING TO DIE OR GET FATALLY INJURED TOO

I’m willing to bet that he’s going to break the “taboo” set by the nen beast, which in my opinion would be going against Tyson’s teachings in any way, since he’s shown that he’s contemplated on doing just that by causing some sort of plan against the other princes. It might not be directly trying to kill them, exactly, but this would definitely break it.

Even if he doesnt break this “taboo”, things arent looking so great for him anyways since I recall something said about tysons nen beast that it exchanged aura for happiness, and the amount of aura-happiness exchanged is increased by how much you listen to Tysons teachings... which Giuliano has...

I could definitely see this happening too, just for exposition of each of the Nen beasts. Somebody has to break the taboo, so who else could it be? we already know Giuliano somewhat well, so it’d be more impactful if he was the one to die.

But you know Togashi, he might surprise us and do something different.

I just hope that IZUNAVI DOESNT READ THE FREAKING BOOK and so he can be prepared for what happens, and I don’t doubt he is.

Anyways Giuliano is my true gender, peace out.

#I ramble about silly man i love #Giuliano #Giulianohxh #Izunavi #dark continent #hxhdarkcontinent #he accidentally got indoctrinated into a cult #lol #gender #hunter x hunter #hunterxhunter #hxh

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dramaticnerdwithanxiety11 · 3 years ago

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, LITERALLY WHO LOOKS AT NICK FUCKING RUSSEL AND GOES “mm yes, take my autism”

THIS IS AN ISSUE

WHY AM I LIKE THIS

whatever its too late now! you get to hear me talk about it to avoid writing it!!

So, i’ll be explaining the show for you newbs who dont watch power rangers like a smart person (as in the not watching it is smart).

Power Rangers Mystic Force is, obviously, power rangers. It’s got the standard team of five with superpowers and weird biker-looking uniforms.

If im honest, PRMF is literally just power rangers but with like fantasy magic.

It follows Nick Russell, the new guy in town. He’s a biker and he’s got this tragic bs backstory about how his parents abandoned him (update: they work overseas, they adopted him and like do not vibe with him) and he travels, living with family members and how he never sticks around long enough to make friends. We know he’s staying with his sister, and about nothing else. ~ Nick Russell is actually really important, of course, he is the Red Ranger and if we didn’t have the leader be angsty what kind of Power Rangers would we be, am I right? (i dunno i havent watched other power rangers in like ten years) ~

But we’ll come back to that. ~

There’s also Charlie “Chip” Thorn, a hyperactive hyperimaginative redhead with a love for fantasy and superheroes. He’s eager to join the team and loves the idea of quests and fighting villains and shit. He’s the Yellow Ranger, with Lightning Powers. ~

Vida Rocca, the ‘bad girl’. She has this one strip of her short hair that she dyes and may I just say when I finished the show a third time I couldnt not think ‘yO HER HAIR CHANGES TO SHOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THE RANGERS’ but lets be honest thats probably bs lol. Anyways, she’s a DJ and she loves music, she’s the Pink Ranger (who hates pink for most of the show) with Wind Powers. ~

Madison Rocca, the ‘good girl’. She’s Vida’s sister, and she like following the rules and she enjoys recording her friends to make little videos for them to look back on when theyre older. She’s hesitant and cautious, but will do a lot to make sure her sister is safe. She’s the Blue Ranger, with the power of Water. ~

Xander Bly, he’s cocky and thinks hes all that, and flirts with women like every chance he gets. He thinks he’s super handsome and amazing and probably has a superiority complex for one reason or another. He’s the green ranger, with Nature Powers. ~

Not rangers include: ~

Koragg, one of the big bads who (SPOILERS) later turns out to be Nick’s father and Udonna’s long lost husband. Early on in the show he can telepathically communicate with Nick, which gives Nick these really really bad headaches, great for angst, it’s used as a bit of a plot device through a lot of the show and ngl I love it cause angst. ~

Uhh forgot her name but there’s the Vampire Queen who has bat wings on her hips and is in a full leather body suit. She’s kinda boring. ~

I forgot her name as well but the Vampire Queens daughter, who later goes on to save her mother because she realizes that the Rangers are the good guys and she’s on the wrong team. ~

Udonna, the kinda ex White Ranger and a very powerful sorceress, as well as the Ranger’s trainer and Claire’s aunt. ~

Claire, (SPOILERS) who turns out to be the Daughter of Udonna’s sister, who was more powerful than her and sacrificed her life to seal the gate to what is essentially hell. She’s comedically bad at magic early in the show, and acts a lot like a comedic relief. ~

The Master, aka The Big Bad that the evil guys are trying to let free. Koragg before he became Koragg was trying to kill him and succeeded in trapping him further than all the others. He’s some weird tentical creepy muscles-showing no skinned weird i dunno i think i repressed this cause i forgot what he looks like lol.

Alright, so those are the characters. Now let me explain the plot.

Nick rides into town on his bike and is usually found set up outside the record shop that the rest of the Rangers (yet to be) work at. Btw, theyre all teenagers, but I think this takes place in summer cause we never see them go to school.

Anyways, this old man calls for somebody to help him, and says that his brother and him were walking through the woods and somebody grabbed him, and he needed somebody to go looking for his brother. Nick, not being apart of the town to know they have rumours about dying in the forest, offers to help.

Xander tells him the woods are haunted, he ignores the man saying the man needs help so who gives a shit about some rumours, and then Vida is like “i’ll help too,” and Chip joins in cause he thinks its gonna be some awesome quest. They make it out to the forest, and Maddie and Xander join them, (”Xander I told you if you ever took my car I’d rearrange your limbs!” -Vida, episode one).

The man is like super ominous and her vanishes once they get into the forest, this creepy witch lady saves them from some bad guys attempting to attack them, and then throws brooms at them that they fly off on.

Time skip not actually in the show but im losing steam so we’re moving on. Eventually, they make it to RootCore, aka the base of operations, and meet Udonna and Claire. Udonna is this super powerful sorceress and the White Ranger, and she trains them. Claire is her apprentice who is comedically bad at magic.

She hands out wands to them, they go to leave, get into a fight, all of them but Nick believe in and use magic, Nick leaves the forest, Udonna fights Koragg and loses her staff aka her White Ranger magic, and the Rangers are left in charge of saving everybody. In the end, Nick goes to leave and ends up showing up anyways to save the rangers from Koragg and embraces the magic, becoming the Red Ranger.

That’s the gist of the first episode, and the rest is kinda just “fight the bad guys, discover random secrets that make a surprising amount of sense for a show like this, fail a couple times, do some weird shit then end on a happy note”

WHICH BTW THE ENDING? FUCKIN WEIRD

The fantasy creatures integrate with Humans, Vida dyes all her hair bright pink, Nick fucking leaves town and this is the weird part. Because for one, Nick wanted to stay with his friends it was obvious, but for two; the way he left was w e i r d . He, Udonna and not-evil-Koragg who I forgot the name of, leave together.

The end scene is Nick riding up to the edge of the rode on his Motorcycle, then it slowly pans out to show Udonna and Nek (im just calling him Nek as in not evil koragg now) on bikes as well?? one of them asks if hes ready to go and they ~ride off into the sunset~

For one: THESE ARE AGE OLD SORCERERS WHO HAVE VERY LITTLE IDEA ABOUT HUMAN TECH?? HOW DO THEY KNOW HOW TO RIDE??

For two: dID THEY JUST HAVE THESE BIKES RIDING AROUND?? AND THE HELMETS?? DID THEY SHELL OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR THIS?? LITERALLY WHAT???

anyways, great show! youve gotta watch it on some.. less than legal sites but shh its okay shhhh. It used to be on Netflix but like yaknow, its gone now. Either way, it’s a great show in my opinion! Like I mean it’s bad cause Power Rangers, so to most who are looking to critique there’s probably shit acting, and there’s a lot of not needed grunting in battle, the effects are shitty and the costumes are kinda depressing, but it’s still enjoyable!

Random Facts-- ~

Vida hates Pink, despite being the pink ranger. ~

Chip, Vida, and Maddie have been friends since either kindergarten or elementary school, i dunno about Xander. ~

They all work at a Record Shop/Music Shop together, and their boss is an idiot but kinda entertaining. ~

Vida turns into a vampire for about two episodes, and Chip is the one to figure it out. ~

Maddie gets turned to stone because Nick essentially calls her useless and shy, and so she went out to prove otherwise, and got caught up in an attack. ~

Chip opens a weird black bottle he found after a battle and some weird thing comes out and attacks him, he spends the B Plot of that episode quite literally dying with his soul being eaten and climbing a mountain to get the cure. ~

Koragg has a really dumb moral code about how he only fights with Honor and refuses to kill the rangers most of the time because its “not honorable” for some reason or another. ~

There’s an episode where Xander gets this really really ugly and big zit right on the tip of his nose, and he uses this perfection potion Claire made for plants. He proceeds to turn into a literal tree and be depressed. ~

There’s a Troblin, the child of a Troll and a Goblin, named Phineas who’s very entertaining and I like this. By the end of the show, he ends up dating the daughter of the Vampire Queen which when you think too hard about makes no sense. ~

Nick turns into Koragg at one point late in the series. I completely fucking forgot how, but he does lol.

#power rangers #mystic force #power rangers mystic force #tw swearing #swearing tw #probably #caps tw #tw caps #infodump #i love this show #can you tell?#infodumping #v fun to talk about #its a great show #anyways im gonna make another post now and talk about #my fic

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years ago

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animorphssss.....2!

ok one L abt reading the series on my ereader is that the flipbook illustrations arent there ;_; those were my favvvvv

anyways I love animorphs still

I feel like I'll end up repeating myself a lot during these little liveblogs lmao but mannnn it’s so good. its so hardcore. like I know that that’s the whole Thing but I still get shocked by some of the stuff that happens

like a big theme in the series centers around the morality of killing your enemies - and it’s so all over the place bc in book 6 you have jake boiling a bunch of yeerks alive, which is kinda gnarly if you think abt it, but the alternative would be to leave them there and let them infest people soo...? and that’s basically the point, that there are never any easy choices in war

also I went on the animorphs wiki to look at trivia bc I love doing that and I cant BELIEVE (some of) the books were reissued in 2011 and they changed/removed some of the references to be more ‘modern’ omfg....talk about erasing 90s culture smh

likeeee I was born in 97 so I didn't exactly grow up in the 90s and therefore some of the references go over my head but its so charming and fun to have them there! and it makes sense given that the books are SET in the 90s

I don't remember ever being confused by any of the references as a kid (tho for sure a lot of them went over my head), but then again I read the books in like 2008 sooo

also some of the stuff that they change - like changing ‘recorded w/a vcr’ to ‘recorded w/the TV’ or ‘floppy disc’ to ‘flash drive’ may make more sense to modern audiences, but doesn't make sense in the context of the story still being set in the 90s

tho it is funny that the books use the phrase ‘hook up’ to mean ‘meet up’ a lot bc that is a phrase that definitely has a different meaning nowadays

alsooooo as it turns out I'm p sure I only read a couple of the spinoffs - the hork-bajir chronicles and the ellimist chronicles (which was confusing lmao), bc my library didn’t have the others :( 2007/2008 woes....

but now I get to read the spinoffs woooooooo so I read the first megamorphs and the andalite chronicles

I'm reading them in the chronological order (I think?) which is good bc part of the problem was that I read the ellimist book at a completely weird time and it confused me more lmao

megamorphs 1 basically felt like a regular animorphs book except longer, but the plot didn't feel like it needed all that extra page space tbh? even so it was an entertaining adventure

and rachel having amnesia was great, amnesia is one of my fav tropes lmao. and it was a lot of fun here, though a bit underutilized

another favorite trope of mine is time travel, so I'm gonna have a really fun time here w/that

as for the andalite chronicles, I really enjoyed that one. I thought it was a well done story about the horrors of war (which is a theme animorphs does excellently), kind of similar to the overarching story of the whole series, but fit into one book without feeling rushed

the way the story starts out with elfangor wanting to be a hero, not understanding what that entails, to the end where he IS going to be a hero, and he knows now that this is a burden rather than a reward

the horror elements are also really strong, with the taxxon morph being horrifying of course

and mannnn I loved that we got to see more of the taxxons as a species, and see that not all taxxons submitted to the yeerks - which breaks the previous theme of ‘all the taxxons are evil just because’

this book also establishes that the taxxons gave themselves over to the yeerks due to their constant hunger being unbearable, so it isn’t just that they’re evil for fun

animorphs does such an excellent job showing that each ‘side’ of a war will have good and bad (or at least sympathetic and unsympathetic) people

also loren was awesome, what a cool character. though I didn't realize she was literally like 13 until the very end of the book, holy shit. that's crazy. i thought she was 16 at the youngest....geez. her throwing a rock at visser 3 is even more iconic knowing she's a middle schooler at the time

and chapman was here! I'm assuming this must be the same chapman as the assistant principal controller... I thought it was a little strange to put chapman in that role, bc in this book he was a huge asshole basically the entire time, but in the previous (’future’) book it was revealed that he became a controller willingly only to spare his daughter, which is pretty far from this book where he’s actively trying to sell humanity out to the yeerks...people change I guess? (also he got his memory erased so I guess there's that)

alloran was a really interesting character. horrors of war again - we hear from his old buddy that he used to be a fun, witty guy, but war changed him into somebody who would do horrible things

and him becoming a controller was horrifying, obviously, but I like that alloran wasn't portrayed as some perfect, holy guy in order to make it all the more tragic when he got infested. its already fucked up enough as it is, and making him flawed was a lot more meaningful

and him wanting to flush all the yeerks out into space....oooooof the (later) parallels hurt

plus the fact that elfangor refusing to commit genocide against the helpless yeerks (even though they’re the enemy) directly contributing to alloran becoming a controller.....oof. I love that it shows that even making the morally correct decisions during war can lead to awful things happening, but not in a way that endorses evil actions - the story isn’t saying that elfangor should have killed the yeerks, it’s saying that there are no good choices in war

arbron being trapped as a taxxon was fucked up. but also really intriguing, especially how he found purpose and led a free taxxon uprising. I don't remember if we hear from him/the free taxxons again but I hope so

also the plot twist of tobias being elfangors SON...bruh. I do remember that despite not having read this book so it must come up in the main story later but my memory of that is vauge so I’m excited to see how that plays out. it’s always gonna be hilarious to me that ax is technically tobias’s uncle

and then the ellimist drops in and wacks up the time stream even more. classic. I love the crazy time travel stuff in animorphs

omfg and the bits where elfangor is a human tech guy and talked about his friends bill and steve LMAOOOOO

also the scene where elfangor drives the yellow mustang while blasting '(I cant get no) satisfaction’ by the rolling stones was one of the most iconic things I've ever read

basically I loved all the angles of war fucking people up. from loren’s dad, to alloran, to elfangor himself learning about the true horrors of war...v well done imo

ok back to the main series - so my pick for the most fucked up scene SO FAR (in my own personal opinion) - the scene where they're in the jungle and rachel passes out in bear morph and a bunch of rainforest ants start EATING HER ALIVE and like crawling into her ears and mouth and HGGGGGG that was genuinely so fucking disturbing

its a good thing that the time travel made it so rachel couldn't remember that bc that was fuuuuucked

another contender is a scene we don't actually see - erek having his capacity for violence instated and then slaughtering a ton of human and hork-bajir controllers

like damn, you know its fucked up when its too fucked up for ANIMORPHS to even ‘show.’ this is a series that doesn't pull punches but evidentially that would've been Too Much to actually portray (understandably). also i feel like seeing the aftermath/everyone’s reactions had more of an impact than describing erek killing a bunch of people would have

also I forgot that marco Literally Fucking Dies during that scene and that's why he doesn't get to see the slaughter. wow

and then in the very next book JAKE dies too. jesus

oh it was also so sad and fucked up when marco’s dad told him that he and his wife used to fight sometimes, but then all of a sudden they stopped fighting, and their relationship was basically entirely peaceful and perfect - and this is how marco knows exactly when his mom was made into a controller, bc of course a yeerk wouldn't care enough to get into petty arguments like that....ooooof

Okay and book 15 really got me...that was fucking heavy man. Geeeez. Everything w/Marco and his mom is so fucked uppppp

Like he literally has to deal with so much awful traumatizing shit. The scene where he pretends to be a controller and is face to face w/visser one and THAT HIS MOM but he can’t even do anything, and he just sees the evil in her eyes and thinks about how there’s no way she had been controlled by a yeerk that long before bc he’s never seen her look like that...that was so fucking sad.

Plus Marcos mom now thinking that Marco is a controller...aughh...and then later Marco knows he can’t even think-speak to her bc he’ll just talk about everything he’s wanted to talk about to his mom this whole time... ;_;

And the parts where Marcos humor slips and the utter rage he feels towards the situation comes through...man

Plus everything about him being understandably afraid of sharks after being nearly torn in half by one back during their first dolphin adventure

Augh oh and jake telling Marco that everyone can tell something is up bc Marco isn’t joking around and talking about how insane their plan is like usual, so Marco fakes it sand does all that even tho he’s terrified and conflicted...aughhhh

Ok and the last scene where Marco is thinking about a future where he and his parents can talk plainly about how awful and traumatizing everything is, and then eventually they’ll feel okay enough to joke about it, bc Marcos mom is the one who taught him to look at the funny side of life...Oh The Pain

There were a lot of great fucked up individual lines in this book too. I’m just so sad about these poor middle schoolers jfc

Also I do distinctly remember the scene where they collapse the shark tank at Ocean World or w/e, it was weird af reading it bc I remembered none of the rest of the book but got weird deja vu reading that scene and remembering having read it like 13+ years ago

if it’s not clear by now I have a pretty terrible memory for media which is honestly good bc then I can reread things and it’s like new

Also jake...man...I said it previously but I was kinda eh about jake when I first read these bc he’s kinda the ‘basic’ character, but now I find his story much more interesting

His conflict over being leader is really good. KAA does a fantastic job capturing the pressure he’s under bc he was chosen by his friends to be the leader, so he REALLY can’t back out, and he doesn’t necessarily feel up to it, but feels he has no choice in the matter...

And constantly having to make really difficult decisions that could get his friends killed...geez. It’s so much pressure. And he talks about wanting to go back to being a normal kid when this is all over, and it kinda strikes me as him being in denial - like, there’s no way things can ever be ‘normal’ again, but that’s his way of coping.

Especially with Tom and all that. That conflict is so compelling...jake having to play all these different roles - as leader, as a son/student, as a regular brother to Tom - he’s constantly having to act a certain way and rarely gets to be Himself

It’s actually kinda relatable in a way - that feeling of being In Charge, but in a somewhat abstract and informal way, so you feel like regular old you, but you have to carefully regulate how you act bc the people around you expect a certain standard of behavior from you...

And all the morally grey situations they’re put in are fucked up, but especially for jake who has the final say on what they do, even when knowing it could lead to his friends being killed or made into controllers

Like in the book with the cannibal yeerk guy - there’s basically no good choices there. Jake lets the cannibal live, and (at first) implies that it’s for the best that he’s cannibalizing other yeerks and therefore helping get rid of some yeerks - except that he kills their hosts too

but the alternative would be to directly kill another human being who isn't actively fighting/resisting you, which is a fucked up thing for a middle schooler to have to do

And the conflict between jake and Cassie is really excellent bc jake has to make these awful decisions, and Cassie is the type of person who can’t stand that sort of thing, so it gets left up to jake a lot, but then she’s upset with jake for doing something awful, even while knowing that there were no better options

like, her asking jake to kill the cannibal guy for her was really fucked up, but also entirely understandable for cassie as a character to ask. it was an emotionally charged situation, and cassie is an emotional person. she’s also somebody who like to Act, to do concrete good, and getting rid of an Evil Bad Guy in front of her would be a definite action

But Cassie is a great source of morality to the group - most of them are pretty jaded, but Cassie is able to hope in a way none of the rest are. It creates a really compelling dynamic between jake and Cassie that I kinda dismissed when I was like 10 or w/e

Also the scene where jake as a fly gets crushed and starts dying? Seriously fucked. And then after when he’s nearly breaking down in the airport and Cassie comforts him...that was a really good scene. Cassie is so good

And the continuity is so excellent - I love how in book 17, Cassie (and jake to an extent) doesn’t really weigh in on the moral debate abt the oatmeal bc she’s still shaken up by asking jake to murder a guy for her, and then (presumably) going ahead and lighting his house on fire when jake doesn’t kill him

And augh jake and Marco have such a good and interesting dynamic - the entire group kinda pushes each other into their respective ‘roles’ in the group, but for a few books that’s really true for jake and marco

I don't remember what book it was but at some point marco (I think) mentions that jake understands what marco is dealing with w/his mom being a controller bc of tom, but that they don’t talk about it bc they ‘don't talk about stuff like that’ or something and I'm just like noooo talk to each other :(

but at this point jake feels like he can’t really express doubt and fear and stuff like that bc he’s the Leader and they look to him to be strong (which is ironically very similar to how rachel feels), and marco feels like he can’t be serious bc he’s the funny guy.

Basically I love all the different dynamics in the group. How Cassie and Rachel are such opposites but are best friends and get along well, while Marco and Cassie are more directly opposed - as jake says, Marco is ruthless, and Cassie definitely isn’t. Rachel and Marco are also pretty different which is interesting, bc they have a lot in common, and actually agree on a lot (even if they disagree out loud) but their commonalities combined with their circumstances make them react very differently to the same situations

I also love seeing the differences between characters from each other’s POV - like, p much all the characters think that Rachel is completely fearless, but when the book is from her POV, we get to see that that isn’t true at all - she feels plenty of fear, but she recognizes that her role in the group is to be the fearless one, so she pushes aside her fear to fit into that role (which inadvertently pushes her more and more into that ‘fearless warrior’ box - something that happens to all the characters more and more as the story goes on, like jake as ‘the leader’ and Marco as ‘the jokester’).

Also I loooove the grey morality of literally everything. Like the book where ax discovers an andalite traitor - not a controller, just an andalite who betrayed them to the yeerks. This leads to the deaths of like a hundred other andalites, and that whole scene you really just feel for ax, bc he feels so awful about everyone else dying while he escapes, yet he’s also so grateful to be alive, which he in turn feels bad about...

And ax’s conflict about being torn between his home w/his fellow andalites and his new home on earth w/his friends is great

And oh man I fucking love book 19. Any of the books where it goes more into the yeerks and their side of things are so good, just like the book where jake was made into a controller.

And book 19, where we meet a sympathetic yeerk, comes right after 18, where we meet an andalite traitor - again, I love how we clearly see that no one side is completely good or completely bad

So yeah book 19 fucking slapped. That shit was so compelling. I love how Cassie made a bunch of foolish decisions based on naïve hope, but it worked out!! Things aren’t always bleak and awful!

Except there were plenty bleak and awful parts of this book. It had a great balance of moods tbh, even though a lot of the situations were extremely contrived lmao. I love the stuff that aftran says, which is basically what I was thinking when I started my reread - being a yeerk fucking sucks, you’re literally a blind slug but also completely and fully sentient, on the same level as humans and andalites - and as afran pointed out this book, the yeerks are born as parasites, just as humans are born as predators - why is it okay for the humans to kill countless animals to eat, but not for the yeerks to enslave races to act as hosts? Well, the situation isn’t totally comparable, which Cassie and Marco both point out when aftran makes that comparison - the yeerks are enslaving sentient species, and cows and chickens are not the same as the humans and hork-bajir (though the story understandably doesn’t fall too deeply into the ‘who deserves what right/animal sentience’ rabbit hole).

And I like that aftran points out that the yeerks basically have 2 options currently - stay helpless and blind in a yeerk pool, or enslave a host. It’s interesting to hear that a lot of yeerks don’t like doing this but see it as the only options, as opposed to complete sensory deprivation. It makes me wonder if there are yeerks who are so staunchly against it that they elect to stay as pool-bound slugs forever

Also maybe it’s the shounen anime fan in me but I don’t even care that much that Cassie’s entire plan was completely off the rails and hinged on only the slightest chance of success - with failure being much more likely and completely catastrophic, with the animorphs and their loved ones all being wiped out, vs success being unlikely and also achieving...a moral victory? Peace between two enemy combatants in a huge war? nothing all that concrete...anyways it was a bunch of good-faith horrible decisions on Cassie’s part, but I don’t even care? I love stories where hope and love save the day against all odds, especially when they’re wielded like weapons by a character and make everything end nicely

This is especially true here bc animorphs is generally a series that leans very far away from that type of thing, so when it does happen, it feels like a victory. Plus the David trilogy is next so we kinda need a happy ending while we can

also bc I compared animorphs to hxh last time, I now have to compare it to the other series I've (partially) liveblogged, transformers mtmte.

this is gonna be more abstract and brief but basically. mtmte is all about after the war, and everyone has so much trauma and everything just sucks, so they all go on a space cruise and work on themselves. basically.

but the series does a lot of exploration of how war fucks people up - same as animorphs, tho animorphs spans the beginning of the war (for the main characters at least) until the end, whereas mtmte starts when the war ends.

but the point is. both series do an excellent job showcasing the wide range of reactions people have to being put in unthinkable situations during wartime. all the major characters in mtmte go through arcs where they heal/change from the war, some more subtle than others

basically the animorphs needs to go on a wacky space cruise adventure with a bunch of other fucked up people and figure their shit out, mtmte style

ok this is wicked long already so I’m gonna end it here. also I feel like I should start the next liveblog w/the david triology bc I’m for sure gonna have a lot to say abt that

#i wrote like half of this in my phone notes while on vacation in the wilderness lmao #animorphs #lj reads animorphs

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unironicduncanstan · 4 years ago

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[UNI’S LPS LORE DROP BITCH]

so ,,, i used to collect littlest pet shop (mostly the 1st and 2nd gen ones bc yall i am old) and theyre long gone now but. these are some of the lps i remember playing with and giving distinct personalities growing up. most of them didnt have names at all so im just referring to them with numbers and pictures. also warning it gets pretty Dark bc weird kid culture but here we go;;;

the first is #11 and #86. they were my absolute FAVORITES, a mother and daughter duo, a lot of their stories revolved around the kitten getting lost and the mom having to get to her, or the kitten dying and the mom having a mental breakdown. 11 mostly acted as a single mom but sometimes id cycle out different potential dads, usually the dog lps bc i did Not care abt the actual scientific lack of interspecial breeding possibilities

#25. a basic white picket fence ass dude, really common choice as the ‘dad’ in the above situation, he also was not immune to being ‘killed off’ for angst. was also cheated on a couple times by 11 (THOSE WERE AUS THO,,, DONT CANCEL HER ITS OK TO KEEP STANNING)

#200. she was #11s best friend, I think her name might have been hannah??? anyways if the mom and dad were killed off sometimes she’d “adopt” #86. but usually only after #86 fell into the custody of a terribly neglectful parent for a while and had to be rescued bc again, in my gay neurodivergent little brain peace was never an option

#487. another love interest for #11, usually competed with #25 in an almost edward vs jacob type battle of cool brooding boy and average mcfamily man. he was a big fav

#672. number #487s sister! usually either helped him get #11 like a wingman, or i’d flip the cards and make her manipulative and sabotage 11 bc she didnt think she was good enough for her brother. the personality switches id give characters were rly like. getting the bad ending in a video game,

#44. YET ANOTHER,, LOVE INTEREST FOR THAT ONE CAT,,,, but it was one sided and he always lost. poor friend zone ass simp im sorry man idk why you deserved that 😔 i think sometimes though id pair him with #200/hannah at the end. cant get the girl date her best friend idk i was 8 my morals were not always applicable to the adult situations i created

#14. SO I,,,, i ended up with three of these. and in the end i made them triplets that performed for the circus and were unhappy in their life of exploitation. i think sometimes they would. form a sui pact to escape their torment.

#137. HIS NAME WAS FUCKEN CHEESE

Groovy goat / unnumbered. I remember she was spanish to me but spoke mostly english, this decision was made bc i was an extremely white american child, and she was almost always involved somehow in a story bc she was my favorite design ever. anyways she usually was a model that would give a struggling lps a ‘makeover’ like that one scene in any dramatic disney live action film ever made

#464. another fav bc of her design omg. she was like a little sweetheart and would often play the role of ‘baby’ for any species i didnt already have designated ‘babies’ for. BUT, when i’d play with the other hamsters (we’ll get 2 them in a sec), i made them all the same age and theyd all crush on her at the same time lmao the DRAMA

#34, #35, #36. they were brothers and in order from left to right;;; biggest brother and a leader+positive role model, then the punkish middle brother that didnt like to listen and would often get them all in trouble, then the youngest nerdy brother that was naive and soft and did w/e he was told. they stuck together thru all their antics, except when #464 was involved, then theyd have a classic ‘fighting over a girl then realizing thats ridiculous’ arc. rly loved these guys cuz i always wanted a hamster so id pretend they were real animals sometimes too loL

#693. i got thsi in a mcdonalds happy meal but anyways she was a princess/queen/whatever and was very spoiled royalty. probably tried to behead some of the other lps idk. all she wanted was drama and money

#112. punk boy,,, usually paired with one of the ‘popular’ girls,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, oh my god did i government assign this dog duncan kin b4 td even existed yet

#48, #79 #42. !! HUGE FUCKEN BITCH ALERT !! (popular girls trio lol), i think a couple times i like, aged down #11 and got rid of the kitten for a ~highschool au~ where these girls bullied her but she ofc ended up stealing the middle ones man. and then other times i just paired the middle girl with #112 in a genuine ‘opposites attract’ ship . where were u guys when i was making duncney lps a thing tbh

#59. i love this guy but he was just an eccentric dork and mostly used for comedic effect

#43. love interest for #59 that he goofily fawned over till he eventually got the girl at the end of every story bc i loved cliches

#673. usually a mysterious adventurous girl from out of town that meets the mains in my story and befriends them/helps them out. also a close friend of the groovy goat character

“Paws off diary” Bull Terrier. ok this ones weird but he came in this lil electronic diary right (you can google how it looks to see what i mean) and there was this like, plastic bubble on top that he came in and you could stick him or any other lps in there and shut it securely cuz it was a diary so i. used it as like. a prison almost where id trap lps and the other characters had to ‘save’ them like they were rescuing a princess from a tower or smth. but it was usually just this lil guy. also he was given a name but i was kinda cheating skjdfsdf it was, “Max” bc that was always his name in the commercials for the diary--

#646 and #647, twin orphans separated at birth. did a lot of princess and the pauper esque ‘long lost siblings from different worlds’ reunion stories with these two

#94. so this one came with a head bandage and a little medical looking case to carry them in. i used the carry case as like an ‘ambulance’ or med helicopter to put ‘sick’ pets in and carry them to the hospital, and this pet had chronic illness so they were always the roommate patient at the lps hospital.

#10 and #142, the goldfish couldnt be taken out of the bowl if i remember correctly so. he felt sad and isolated but the seahorse was his best friend who was able to go anywhere so id stick him in the bowl with him a lot to hang out n make him feel better. solidarity

#463. i LOVED her design, so i used her a lot as just a friend to whoever i was playing with. she was also one of the bigger birds so shes the only one i remember really utilizing as a ‘this character can literally fly’ plot device. she also might have been magic i dont remember. ik whenever i did the circus story she was always in it

#37, #38 and #39. i lost the ‘girl’ one early on, like completely lost it and never found it again so idk what happened to it. so the story was the other two were brothers in a constant search for their long lost sister. sometimes id either have another lps be their sister or make a ‘found family’ trope out of somebody

#331. i had two of these and they come with little hats but i lost one of the hats so. evil twin story babey the regular one was a nice old pirate guy but the one with the hat was evil and nobody could ever tell the difference

#641, IM THE TRASH MAN! I START EATIN GARBAGE,

#long post #i had many more but these were my muses #original

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wolf-stark · 4 years ago

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You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

#Asks

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theastrophilearchitect · 4 years ago

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February 2021 wrap-up.

Every book, audiobook, tv show and movie I consumed in February.

The phrase ‘wrap-up’ is so boring. I want to talk about books, TV shows and movies, so I can’t even call it a ‘reading wrap-up’, however pleasingly alliterative that sounds despite the fact that ‘wrap’ actually begins with a W. One of my favourite YouTubers, polandbananasBOOKS (that capitalisation is loud) calls her wrap-ups ‘Stories I Ate This Month’ which I love, but using exactly that seems wrong. I genuinely debated calling this ‘My Media Diet’, but the word ‘diet’ has so many negative connotations to me, so I dropped that. Besides ‘wrap-up’ all in lowercase followed by a full stop is aesthetically pleasing.

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (audiobook) I’ve read this series countless times. I read the series first time through six years ago, and, after finishing it, I just kept rereading it during silent reading time at school, so God only knows how many times I’ve read it at this point. This is actually the second time I’ve listened to this audiobook, and I still, of course, love it. When I first read it, this book stuck with me. It was the first teen book I ever read and, most unfortunately, put me into a dystopian phase. However, we got over that. I’m good now. I promise.

You know what this is about, but here it is anyway: in a dystopian future (of literally just North America, it never mentions what’s happening anywhere else), a country called Panem (literally the whole of North America) is divided into the luxurious, utopian Capitol, and thirteen districts, all of which gather or produce something for the Capitol. Some of the districts live in poverty, while others are afforded some luxuries but nowhere near those of the Capitol. It never really explains how this system came to be, but then there was a rebellion against the Capitol in which District Thirteen was destroyed, and every year two teenagers from each district are chosen to compete in the Hunger Games, where twenty-four tributes are put in an arena together to fight to the death, and the last person standing emerges victorious. It feels so strange to talk about the basic premise of this book without going into the rest of the trilogy, but I’ll leave it here.

I hate how the media washes this book out and plays it off as just another love triangle, which it barely even is. It has such an important message about society, and the fact that the media does that just proves how accurate it is. I can’t believe when I first read it I was actually Team Gale, but in truth I think that was just because I liked Liam Hemsworth better than Josh Hutcherson, which I still do, but not the point. Anyway, the narrator is excellent.

I’m not giving these booksa rating, both because it’s a reread and I like to base ratings off my initial opinion, and because the first time I read this book I was literally a small child, and part of my love is the nostalgia.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab

This was the first book I read with my eyes this month, and I ended up getting the ebook because it was just so much cheaper than getting a physical copy - I may have invested if I loved the UK cover as much as the US, I’m ashamed to say (above is UK). It was not what I was expecting.

This book was much more contemplation-heavy than I was expecting and actually very light on plot. In 1714, Adeline LaRue runs away from her wedding and prays to Gods, wishing to be free, and is answered by the darkness, who makes her a deal: he grants her immortality, and she promises him her soul when she doesn’t want it anymore. He, wanting her soul, twistedly grants her freedom by cursing her to be forgotten by everyone she ever meets. Three hundred years later, she meets someone who remembers her.

It’s really about life, freedom and time - there’s no direct message or moral, at least not that I picked up on, but it really makes you think. I do enjoy that in a book, but not as much as one where i just love the story. I generally prefer books where I’m rooting for the characters, and it’s full of ships - the kind of stories you would write fanfiction about, but this is the kind of book that I think will stick with me. I take issue with how cliché the ending was, though.

Anyway, I’m not actually sure how I want to rate this. As a British teenager, I’m not actually that familiar with lettered ratings, and I don’t really want to use stars, but I think I’m going to suck it up. Maybe I’ll think of something else eventually.

Rating: 4.5 stars - books that get five stars from me are generally based on the enjoyment factor, but this book deserved more than four.

Arrow Season 1

I’ve been semi-interested in the Arrowverse/DC TV universe for a while, and finally took the opportunity to delve in. This show is so insanely CW - everyone has that look, it has that tone and it takes itself way too seriously. By the 23rd time you’re hearing it, the recap becomes painful to listen to.

This was the first show in DC’s saga - the show picks up as Oliver Queen returns home from being stranded on an island for five years after a cruise ship sank. When the ship went down, his billionaire father sacrificed himself to save Oliver, and left him with a list of ‘the people poisoning [his] city’. Upon returning home, Oliver becomes the vigilante who will eventually become known as ‘Arrow’ or ‘Green Arrow’ (currently unclear; I’m not a comic book person) but is currently dubbed just ‘the Hood’ or ‘the vigilante’, with the goal of taking down the people on the list. It’s very intense.

It took me about ten episodes to actually get invested - which is nearly seven hours watch time - but, ultimately, I’m glad that I did. Aside from the excessive CW-ness of this show, I love the characters and I want to see what happens.

Still, why is everyone so obsesses with Laurel? What’s so great about Laurel? I don’t get it. Felicity is 10000% the best character - she’s relatable, cute, and I high-key ship her with Oliver.

This little rant of mine was unintelligible.

Rating: 4 stars

Guardians of the Galaxy

I’m not explaining what this movie is about. Honestly. This was just a rewatch: I’m currently rewatching every MCU movie in chronological order (as in, starting with Captain America: The First Avenger instead of Iron Man). For every TV season I finish, I watch a a movie, and I alternate between movie series, one of which is, at the moment, MCU films. It’s hard for me to briefly explain my weird watching patterns.

I love this movie so much. It was the first really upbeat MCU movie, and I love the characters.

I don’t really have much to say about this, but if you haven’t watched MCU movies, please watch them. Even if you don’t want to, this movie is absolutely worth watching and you don’t need to watch any other MCU movies for context.

I Am Not Okay With This Season 1

I’m reeling from this show. I literally can’t tell whether or not this is getting a second season; it seems like it was meant to, but then got cancelled, and now I can’t tell.

This show follows a high school student named Sydney. She’s your typical outcast, and isn’t interested in getting ‘in’ - she’s best friends with a girl named Dina; they both came to their school around the same time and ended up friends, though Dina is your typical pretty girl. Then Syd discovers she has powers that operate based on her emotions, and I really don’t want to say anything else. But it does star Sophia Lillis and Wyatt Oleff, who you likely know as two of the kids in IT (the clown movie, not like computing).

Honestly, episodes 1-6 were very chill, more focused on teenage life than her powers, then episode 7 brought it. Up until the end of episode 7, I enjoyed the show and would be happy to watch a second season, but I wasn’t particularly invested or excited by it. Then episode 7. I would love a second season of this show. I have to at least know where the writers were going with it.

This show came out last year, and I only just got to it, but I can’t believe I haven’t heard anybody talking about it. It’s intense, it’s entertaining, and the first season will only take up about two and a half hours of your time (it’s seven 19-28 minute episodes).

Rating: 4 stars

Blue Lily, Lily Blue and The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

I listened to The Raven Cycle audiobooks in 2019, and I’m not sure why because I didn’t even enjoy them that much. I did, however, decide I wanted to read Call Down the Hawk, the first book in the spin-off series, and that meant I had to reread The Raven Cycle since I had paid so little attention to the audiobooks, which I started in January and I love this series. Not what I expected from a reread of a series I paid virtually no attention to, but here we are.

This is book 3 in The Raven Cycle series, book 1 being The Raven Boys, which is a paranormal book in which the protagonist Blue, is the only non-psychic in a family of psychics, and has been told her whole life that if she kisses her true love, she will kill him. Then, on St Somebody’s Eve (Mark’s? I want to say Mark’s but I’m not sure), when she goes with her aunt to see the spirits of the people who will die in the next year, she sees one of the spirits, a boy from Aglionby Academy, the local private school, meaning he is either her true love, or she is the one who kills him, which in her case, could very much be both. Then that boy schedules a reading with her psychic family to help him find an old Welsh king, and there is so much more than that to this glorious series, but I’ll stop here.

I think my main thing in books and general media is the characters. They have to follow some kind of sensible plot, but if I’m not invested in the characters, I can’t get invested in the story. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been so in love with a cast of characters, not even in Six of Crows - this story is so character-driven, and I can’t get enough. This was an excellent continuation, and so much happened, but it did feel like its purpose was just to set up the final book, so I didn’t enjoy this one quite as much as the previous two.

Rating: 4 stars

As for The Raven King - this was the last book I read this month, finishing it on the morning of the 27th because I knew I would have very little reading time from mid-afternoon until twenty-four hours later.

In complete honesty, I found the climax of this book to be a little rushed - we spend the whole series aware that Gansey’s looking for Glendower, but it never seems to be more prevalent than just their general investigations as to what the hell is happening. As a result, when it came to that in this book, it felt a little out of the blue (no pun intended).

Regardless, this series so well balances strong characters and strong plot where so many others fail, and I love it.

Rating: 5 stars

Fate: The Winx Saga Season 1

This show is a live-action rated-15 Netflix adaptation of one of my favourite childhood shows, Winx Club. And, honestly, you can tell.

I tried to watch this objectively, instead of complaining about how they cut some of my favourite characters and changed so many (Tecna, Riven, Beatrix, Stella, Brandon etc.). While I was upset about some of the cuts, I can agree that they were best for the story. Where in the original, every fairy had their own unique powers, this adaptation splits it into five elements: fire (Bloom), water (Aisha - on another note, screw Aisha, honestly), air (Beatrix), earth (Terra) and mind (Musa), though Stella still has light powers? Which is never explained?

Anyway, this follows teenage Bloom as she discovers she’s a fairy and goes through her first year at a fairy school called Alfea.

I’m not going to go too deep into this because I have so much to say about this show that i think I’m going to make a whole separate review rather than bore you with it now.

Quality-wise, this show was mediocre, but enjoyment and nostalgia raise its rating for me because I’m biased.

Rating: 4 stars

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

This is both Bardugo’s first adult novel and her first novel not set in the Grishaverse. I read the Grisha trilogy for the first time years ago and didn’t like it that much, but followed that right up with the Six of Crows duology which I loved. I read King of Scars in 2019 when it came out, and started listening to the King of Scars audiobook just before I started reading this in preparation for Rule of Wolves at the end of March.

I loved this. I don’t think I have anything to criticise quality-wise - the characters had depth, there were plot twists and strong subplots, the world was incredibly well built, and the only thing that got me to put this book down was taking a week to start working on my own writing project (post coming soon). Because I took that week completely off reading, this book took me about two weeks total from start to finish, but it was so worth it.

This novel follows Alex Stern, a twenty-year-old whose friends have all been murdered. She was found beside one of them who died of a overdose, with the same drug in her system. But Alex can see ghosts, and, soon after her friends’ deaths, is consequently offered a scholarship to Yale University, on the condition that she works for the ninth House of the Veil to monitor the activities of Yale’s secret societies.

In complete candour, I found this book somewhat convoluted, though most of that was probably mainly my own poor reading comprehension. Regardless, I loved the plot, and am very highly anticipating the eventual release of its as-of-yet unnamed sequel.

Rating: 4.5 stars

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

So I actually finished this audiobook briefly after finishing Blue Lily, Lily Blue, but I’m tacking it on here because I forgot to add it to the list and already explained my Grishaverse experience in my Ninth House comments.

So, yes, I love this duology, and it really opened a new compartment in my writing brain, even though I haven’t really taken advantage of that writing brain until now (again, post coming soon).

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

I am realising I’ve read eight books this month, and nearly half of them were by Leigh Bardugo. Which makes sense, considering how much I enjoy her books.

This book is slower-paced than most of hers, but it does follow two (one of which splits again) completely separate storylines, and is still excellent and entertaining.

I listened to this for a recap before Rule of Wolves is released on March 30th.

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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 4 years ago

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Hazbin Hotel OC

Hey guys!! I’m back and fully recovered for the most part but I made some new friends so I wanted to talk about my new character that I made. I love this show probably way more than I should and since Addict came out yesterday I decided to redesign my OC.

Appearance: Estelle is a white fox demon, she has bright blue eyes like she had in life. In life she was petite and usually had to stand on a ladder in order to get something from the top shelf. It was either that or Angel had to be the one that helped her get it down for her. He was a regular in her shop since they grew up together when he accidentally hit her upside the head with a soda can after she had been thrown into the trash. She has marks on her throat from when she was gripped there harshly by her deceased mafia husband. She wears a chefs hat over her ears and is usually found working hard in the kitchen if she’s not playing cards or comforting Angel.

Death Backstory: After Angel Dust overdosed and left her behind she quickly found herself slowly sinking. Her bakery was losing clientele because her sweets had gone downhill after a rival shop opened across the road. She had lost her purpose in life. Maybe that’s why she had agreed to marry the local mafia boss in Little Italy. She had agreed to the proposal to save her shop. Even though it was the 20’s she had always been as Angel had lovingly called her “different” she didn’t get engaged by the normal sexual things. In fact, she was openly repulsed by them. Every time Angel did a sex lecture she would only listen to him partially. At first, she thought that the marriage would be fine since he still had his mistresses and she didn’t think that he would ever want sex from her. She was naive and of course he eventually got interested in it with her. She remembered a lecture that Angel had given her about consent if she had ever been forced into sex. She grabbed the closest thing that she could to his head, a lamp and just went crazy on him. Accidentally, he was murdered by her and since it was the 20’s nobody believed her when she had said the truth that he would’ve raped her if she hadn’t done anything. She was hung and sent to hell for her crimes against humanity.

A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? Her best subjects were math, astronomy and home economics. She was always a master at figuring out puzzles so math came more easily to her than it did to most of her classmates. The stars had always fascinated her and Angel would take her to the tops of the rooftops of New York where you could see the stars for miles around. Home economics was her favorite because she could bake for a class. She had always been a lover of baking and even though not everything turned out perfectly she still found a lot of success with the artform.

B: Do they have any allergies? She isn’t allergic to anything that she knows of. She did make a lot of sweets that were allergy friendly was one of the first to be able to do so.

C: Can they swim well? She is an incredible swimmer; it used to be one of her favorite things when her and Angel were kids. (Of course he was a piece of shit whenever she was nervous and would give her a push forward that was his job).

D: How do they react to being flirted with? She’s actually used to it since Angel has been jokingly flirting with her despite women not being his cup of alcohol.

E: How are they with children? In life, Estelle had a lot of siblings she was the go to babysitter when Angel didn’t need her for anything which was rare. She loved her family even if often she wasn’t understood by them. It was a little bit trickery for a lot of people that weren’t her best friend to understand her.

F: What’s one thing they’re really bad at? If I were to label one thing that she’s really bad at it’s probably going to be directions. She gets lost really easily if she doesn’t have somebody walking around with her. Angel always had to be the more alert one of the two of them especially if it was late at night. He wouldn’t let anybody hurt his best girl not while he was around.

G: How do they flirt? If she were to flirt it would probably be very sheepish compliments. The only person that she could ever flirt genuinely with was Angel though that might be all the couple pet names talking.

H: What is their deadly sin? Her deadly sin would be gluttony. She has always had a really slim figure, something that her best friend has always been jealous of since her diet has a lot of sugary stuff involved.

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves? On a scale of one to ten Estelle probably loves herself at a three. She has a lot of self doubt that manifested itself into her being a shell of who she used to be. Being forced to have sex wasn’t something that she had ever been planning to do. It wasn’t until she saw Angel again and learned that he had to go through the same thing that it suddenly dawned on her. She’s not alone, she never really has been. She’s been immensely blessed to have the most amazing best friend in the entire world. He helps get her back on her feet and gain that confidence that he’s always seen in her.

J: What’s their sense of humour like? Her sense of humor is rather wordy. She loves puns and making jokes about the wacky antics around her. She is also super sarcastic which is a side of her that really only Angel knows well.

K: How do you know when you’ve upset them? She shuts down, it’s hard to get a reaction of anything out of her. She’s broken up inside about a lot of things that have happened to her in her life that once Angel hugs her tightly to him and tells her that everything will be okay she believes him. He’ll always have her back. It's something that she has grown to love him like a brother for.

L: What is their favourite board game? Her favorite board game is actually anything that she can play with cards. As kids one of the first things that her and Angel started to really get into was war and the stakes were salt water taffies in their favorite flavors (He would almost always win and split them with her anyways giving her tips on how to do better next time).

M: What is their favourite dessert? This is the hardest question in the world but if she were to have a desert island dessert it would probably be struffoli. It’s donut holes dunked in honey and powdered sugar. Her family growing up was of Italian descent and when she met Angel she fully accepted that part of her life.

N: What do they usually eat for breakfast? Usually it’s a freshly made something that she made that morning whether it be a bagel or a croissant and a cup of hot chocolate.

O: What would it take to break them, inside and out? For Angel to fully abandon her for the sake of Cherri. She has gotten used to having her around, in fact they are so different from each other that they are surprisingly close.

P: How do they handle money? She handles money extremely well because she had to kickstart her own business because her parents wouldn’t help her out.

Q: Are they patient? She has had to be the patient one between her and Angel for the entirety of their friendship. He is always the first to get irritated by what’s going on around him and she’s always had to be the one that pulled him back from doing something stupid. The one time she wasn’t there he overdosed and she hadn’t been able to see him in the hospital.

R: What are their hands like? Her hands are small and usually covered with flour because it’s really hard to get her to take a break.

S: How stealthy are they? She is not stealthy at all mostly because she’s almost always humming something under her breath. Cherri got her into 80’s music once she arrived in hell and everything changed for her after that.

T: Where are they ticklish? She is immensely ticklish which is her curse once she arrives in hell and finds that Angel has become a spider with arms to torment her with.

U: What’s their voice like? Her voice is usually quiet unless she gets really frustrated with something that isn’t turning out right in the oven.

V: What’s the easiest way to annoy them? The easiest way to annoy her is to pinch her cheeks. They’ve always been huge and her best friends have never let her forget it.

W: Can they dance? She can dance, she was amazing at the charleston but her dance skills are a little bit last century as Cherri loves to tease.

X: What’s their most petty little secret? Her most petty little secret was her initial jealousy of Cherri once she arrived in hell. Mostly because she was so much like Angel and thought that she wasn’t needed anymore.

Y: What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to? Why her husband wanted to be married to her when he could’ve had anybody that he wanted quite literally.

Z: How do they sleep? She sleeps very rarely because she doesn’t technically need it but Angel always makes her sleep when he’s with her. She feels protected around him and trust me when I say that he isn’t letting anything get to her ever again.

Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? She does sleep with stuffed animals once she arrives in hell and Angel saw that she didn’t have any here he got her some so that she could feel more comfortable.

Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child? Once she arrives in hell she gets a cat companion the same day that Angel finds Fat Nuggets.

Ask them to describe their love interest. Estelle doesn’t have a love interest. I decided to give her a found family love instead of having to force her into a romantic relationship because platonic love is just as important as romantic.

Do they look good in red? She looks good in just about everything but she does have a flowy red top that Angel bought her that she loves

Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! She would give a speech to Angel about how being broken in the same way doesn’t have to be a bad thing. They understand each other better than they ever could have when she was alive.

Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is? She will always confide in her best friends first they get first priority. She will never take advice from her ex-husband or Valentino (he gets his ass kicked once she meets him)

Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themselves in three words. I would describe her as immensely kind, snarky and a lover of everything that is her best friend’s. She would describe herself as a good listener, a bit broken but still beautiful and an amazing baker but that’s things that she starts to believe after reuniting with Angel.

Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)? She empathizes with a lot of her books that she keeps in her at home library.

What age do they most want to be right now? She mostly is happy with where she is, but she has her two best friends and who can complain about that legitimately?

They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save? Spend it on something for her friends there’s not even a second thought going through her head. Her second idea is to make improvements to her shop with what’s left over.

Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they’re in)? She does love romance just not the one that she got. She can be found crying every time she watches Painted Veil and Angel just hands her a box of tissues.

Name one thing their parents taught them. Her parents weren’t around for a good percentage of her life but they did teach her that hard work is extremely important a little bit too well considering that she rarely ever takes breaks.

Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? They would agree with that term because she does love things that wouldn’t be loved by other people, mostly crappy B movies that she watches with Angel just to laugh at something.

What would they consider a waste of time– other than school or work? To her lazy days are a waste of time but she grows to love them once she becomes friends with Angel. He shows her that taking time off from constantly trying to work herself to death. Taking days where you can do nothing but laugh and joke around it’s perfectly healthy.

If money wasn’t a limit, what would they wear? They would probably own more cute dresses that expressed her femininity more. At the moment it’s a skirt over leggings with a cute hoodie.

Do they like children? She does love children!! It’s just she doesn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment.

Kissing: tongue or no tongue? At the moment she’s pretty kiss adverse except for the platonic cheek kisses that her and Angel have.

Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews? She was a practicer before job interviews when she was alive and she did always study before tests too because she could never be too careful.

What do they like that nobody else does? Hmm there isn’t really anything that I could think of to answer this question. I think that between her, Angel and Cherri they have most everything in common.

What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw? It would take a lot to eventually break up with somebody but as soon as they tried to force her into sex that was a big no-no for her.

Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What’s their go-to? She does actually love pet names but mostly the platonic ones that her and Angie have. Sweetheart, hun, doll face, and eventually spider-babe and foxy.

Stability or novelty? Stability would be the way that would comfort her the most.

Safety or possibility? She loves feeling safe and Angel makes her feel safer than most anybody out there.

Talent or effort? Talent is the best way to go and she’s talented at a lot of things.

Forgiveness or vengeance (or…)? Forgiveness she would forgive just about anybody except for her bastard of an ex-husband

Would they date a fixer-upper? She would date a fixer-upper but she isn’t currently interested in seeing anybody.

#oc #Hazbin Hotel #Angel Dust

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

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@merlinobsessionist you understand me on a spiritual level

[putting the rest of this under a cut because it just ended up being me grumping at length about fandom trends - which, yes, i am well-aware is a silly endeavour in all cases, but sometimes you just gotta have your little grump regardless, you know, for health reasons. X) and in this particular case the grumping is probably relevant/entertaining only to myself, and you, and one or two other people here, so, tucking it away to spare everyone’s dash :) ]

the other day i was exploring the mostly abandoned wasteland that is the merlin fandom on livejournal (since that’s my original fandom home and obviously i missed out on being involved in that particular niche of lj when merlin was active, so i was feeling nostalgic and kinda curious as to it had looked like) - i stumbled over a merlin fic-finders comm and looked up my boy william just for kicks, and surprisingly, a couple of the old requests sounded like maybe i WAS involved in the merlin fandom on livejournal back then and i just don’t remember it

i think i wrote this in a past life

this is an eleven year-old comment in a mostly defunct fandom community but i felt it in my BONES

oh, my dear commenter from 8 years ago, i WISH XD

it made me laugh, and then it made me grumpy, because obviously there were very few suggestions offered in response to these asks - the fics just don’t exist, not in any numbers.

and like, the thing is, i don’t particularly care about the shipping side of things for the most part; i always lean towards gen and that’s mostly been it, for me; that’s always been my MO in every fandom i’ve ever participated in, but - look. if i have to witness (*checks ao3*) 23,830 (twenty four thousand. twenty four THOUSAND!!!!) instances of merlin getting together with arthur hecking pendragon, over and over and over again, in every AU configuration under the sun, then you had better believe i am ready and willing to plead the case of the only person in the merlin-verse who did not think arthur pendragon deserved merlin’s entire life.

and of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with arthur and merlin as an item, obviously (i mean, i can name a few things about it that don’t appeal to me personally, but that is not the same thing as a value judgment) and everybody should have fun with their own ships, always - but for me, personally, there is just...enough of that out there. i have seen Enough. it’s hard for me to even determine where the rest of the fandom is, under the ever-present spread of merlin/arthur content; a picture of merlin/arthur should literally be next to the dictionary entry for steamroller.

and of course, i knew it would be like this from the beginning, and i know complaining about the ubiquitousness of a particular ship in fandom is utterly silly, in the end, because it’s not like there’s anything wrong with something being ubiquitous - the whole point of fandom is to make what you love, and if that’s what everybody loves, well, hey, that’s just how it is! that’s what people should be making - the stuff they love! that’s what fandom is here for! i only mutter to myself in the bubble of my own blog because the ubiquitousness makes it almost impossible for me to find what *i* love, because i don’t want to read about arthur/merlin in the first place, no matter who else appears in the fic, and also because my fave minor character, while he gets a pretty good amount of fannish screentime for someone who showed up in one episode, also suffers from the curse known as “virtually everything he features in is actually about merlin and arthur getting it on”

like - by the numbers, when you exclude merlin/arthur from will’s character tag, will retains less than 20% of his fics, some of which are already like...you know, he’s dead, or just mentioned, et cetera.

and his poor ship tag...he and merlin have 136 fics in their tag, and at first you wanna look at that and be like - ‘hey, not bad, pal, that’s p. good for a rarepair!’ but in actuality, less than 20 of those fics are actually about him and merlin. like...12% of his own ship tag actually belongs to him, and the rest is him being used as a plot device to get arthur and merlin together.

and i am sure that a lot of other side characters probably suffer from this, too, given the general fic distribution in this fandom, though the only person i’ve looked at for comparison purposes is freya, who is a (mostly) one-ep character like will. she, despite that, doesn’t appear to get hit quite as hard - she seems to keep more of her fic for herself, which is nice (when i exclude merlin/arthur from the freya/merlin search, freya still retains about 65% of her fics, as opposed to will’s sad little 12%). i’m glad for her, though - she of all people does not need to be losing fic to arthur; she has suffered enough.

to put things in perspective, though - merlin and uther have more fics in their ship tag that earnestly focus on the tagged....hnhhmgnhn i can’t say it...relationship than merlin and will do - even filtering out every instance of dubcon/noncon.

(and yes, i did in fact want to die when i had to actually click the merlin/uther tag on ao3 in order to check that factoid, thanks for asking.)

so, that said - i don’t generally read canon-era fic anyway, when i’m actively writing for a fandom, but since the merlin fandom sometimes feels like it consists solely of modern AU’s anyway, all i am trying to say is that it would be nice if i could pick up an AU including a character i enjoy without seeing him constantly reduced to:

merlin’s loser ex

merlin’s abusive ex (w h at)

merlin’s ex who’s kinda sorta tolerable-ish, maybe, if you squint, but just ultimately Not Right for merlin - holding merlin back, or being too overbearing, or too pushy, or Just Not Enough - or being someone who merlin stays with only bc he’s familiar and merlin’s settling for something safe and unrisky and stagnantly unfulfilling

the dude who merlin cheats on to be with arthur

the dude who cheats on merlin, bc the fic needed a reason to break up merlin and will so that white-knight!arthur could swoop in (cue me shouting ‘IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO YOU THINK WILL WOULD EVER - ’)

the dude merlin “makes mistakes with” when things with arthur aren’t going well

the friend-with-benefits who’s apparently chill with a casual arrangement, thus keeping himself conveniently out of the way of the oncoming merlin/arthur train

the friend-with-benefits who’s secretly NOT chill with a casual arrangement and who’s pining for merlin, except we all know that ain’t ever going anywhere because arthur exists, and in the meantime merlin only ever gets together with will to try and forget his problems

the friend-with-no-benefits who’s still pining for merlin (which situation, i might add, would be read completely differently if it were arthur in will’s shoes, because if that were the case then the audience would 100% be rooting for him)

the “best friend” whose only purpose in fic is to provide space for conversations/debriefs about merlin’s relationship/pre-relationship with arthur (like - i’m sorry, but there desperately needs to be some type of bechdel-esque test for will; e.g. do will and merlin have a conversation about something other than arthur pendragon? if yes, u win, u may pass go, collect 20 dollars, congratulations)

the friend whose dislike of arthur always, ALWAYS ends up being framed as a mistake. as will’s stubborn unwillingness to give arthur a chance, until at last will sees the light and succumbs to the irresistible beauty of merlin and arthur’s eternal love. -_- there is vanishingly rare acknowledgement in fic of the fact that in the canon universe, all of the criticisms will makes about merlin and arthur’s relationship are not only accurate, but made in merlin’s best interests (and also, ultimately, proven right, by the end of the show - merlin tanks his whole damn life for a series of empty promises prophesying arthur pendragon’s future potential, and he gets NOTHING for his devotion. merlin is more alone at the end of the show than he was at the beginning, when his only dream was to be loved and accepted by more than the two people who’d comprised his entire life up until that point. and he spends at least half a decade in between the show’s hopeful beginning and its miserable end being told that he’s evil by the very person for whom he is expected to sacrifice his future.

so what, exactly, makes will so wrong to be wary? who among us wouldn’t be angry if we saw somebody we loved being forced to sacrifice themselves on an unforgiving altar like this?

i don’t know the answer. i’m not sure what it is that earns will his spot on the “destined to be shafted for arthur pendragon” list. i don’t know if it’s an unconscious backlash to will’s refusal to hop on the arthur/merlin train, or if it’s just a superficial understanding/lack of genuine interest in his character, which, in that case, sure, i’ll give people that one, in all fairness; not everyone has spent a year picking his character apart (though i still don’t think it justifies tossing him in there just because the fic needs a random insert who can be positioned as inferior to arthur’s gloriousness). either way, the end result is that we usually end up seeing a will who has very little in common with his source material, or who needs to ultimately step aside to make way for arthur - arthur, who never displays the same level of care toward merlin in canon that merlin shows toward him, and who actively oppresses merlin’s people for the entire duration of their relationship.

like...it’s all just fic, obviously, and we can make characters as OOC as we want; have fun; go wild. but at the same time, it’s impossible for me not to balk at how arthur in some of this fic is just - utterly unrecognizable. in comparison with fic!will, arthur is the most Solicitous, Gentle, Understanding, Deeply Concerned, Invested-In-Merlin’s-Welfare-and-Inner-Thoughts creature you ever did see, and I’m just over here like - it is not like that! it is NOT LIKE THAT! IT HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT. arthur pendragon in fic sometimes interacts with merlin like - he tilts his head and listens like a therapist and affirms absolutely everything merlin says and tells him ‘gosh, i understand. tell me more. how can i help you’ - he goes about his day thinking about merlin and putting merlin first and i just - i literally have never seen this person before in my life. who is this man? who is this unbelievably attentive paragon of caring? i’ve never met him before.

the entire running problem with merlin and arthur’s friendship in canon is that arthur, while he absolutely does care about merlin, tends to take merlin for granted. merlin is just another feature of arthur’s landscape, until something dramatic happens and arthur has a little scare and saves merlin’s life, and then things go back to the way they were. arthur doesn’t See merlin the way he should, not in the ordinary moments. merlin goes home and spends his evenings thinking about arthur’s life; he ties himself in knots trying to help arthur develop as a person and to keep arthur safe and happy, but arthur just goes home and eats supper with his wife. arthur does not go home and spend his nights agonizing over how he can improve merlin’s life. he never once thinks, ‘my purpose on this earth is to serve and support my friend merlin.’ he never feels like he’s supposed to be half of some two-sided coin. i know people like to give arthur this quality in their fic - and that’s totally fine, of course, it’s fic, have as much fun as you want - but in canon, that is just not something arthur pendragon does. it’s not who he is shown to be.

and yet almost every time when i go to explore fandom, i find that the person who does put merlin first in canon is perpetually elbowed aside for this extremely generous interpretation of everyone’s favorite prince.

and i just...i always try to find the good bits in everything, and i am sometimes willing to overlook a ship i don’t personally enjoy if there’s something else about the piece that i think is great, but there’s only so many times i can read the sentence “merlin had never felt like this with anyone, not even will” in fics where merlin and will are supposed to have been dating or even married/engaged, or “will was merlin’s best friend, but he just didn’t understand” (not like arthur, of course, who merlin literally just met a week ago), or “will was great, but there was only so much of him merlin could stand in one sitting/will was great, but he was best enjoyed in small doses.” there’s only so many times i can read a hundred different variations of that before i start to get real grumpy. and that’s not even touching the fics where will’s portrayed less favorably than that, even.

so, you know. i feel grumbly about it sometimes, how this particular character is trapped in a perpetual net of always being less-than, when one of the nicest parts of fandom for me is that every character/ship can have an infinitude of possibilities, even the ones i personally think are unbelievably bizarre (which category merlin and will do not even fall into, like - it’s not an incredible leap. merlin/mordred is a leap, okay; mordred is like seventeen years old! leon/morgana is a leap - how on earth did that become so popular??? - but will and merlin? that’s not a leap.)

what is it about will that makes him so tempting to trample over? will’s only sin in canon was to look at arthur pendragon and pronounce himself utterly unimpressed. his only crime was to tell merlin ‘this dude isn’t good for you,’ about which fact he was CORRECT, by the way - he is the first person who ever chooses to care about merlin, the first person merlin ever chooses to trust, the first friend who loves real!merlin without needing to be coaxed and convinced and taught that it’s okay. he is the only one who ever tells merlin ‘you deserve better than this mess,’ the only one for whom merlin has always been priority number one and in whose eyes arthur isn’t even on the map. merlin’s friendship with will (and lancelot, afterwards) is the healthiest one merlin ever gets to experience, and i wish more fannish material acknowledged it as such, as opposed to using will to set up merlin and arthur’s epic romance.

all of this, i suppose, is just a very long way of saying that now that i am no longer avoiding spoilers and have actually started testing the waters of the wider fandom, i have come to the obstinate, utterly inflexible conclusion that will deserves his own collection of happy endings, and i don’t care if i have to write them myself. i’ve already got the gen angle covered. and even though i’ve never written ship!fic in my life, the fact of the matter is that spite can be a hell of a motivator, and i will bite the bullet and learn how to do it if i have to. if people can really be out here tagging their merlin/uther fics as “schmoop” (YES. REALLY.) then by GOD, i swear, there are no excuses - this fandom can accommodate literally anything; there’s no reason it can’t accommodate stories where will wins. let this kid have his good ending. arthur pendragon can fall in love with merlin 23,830 times despite his and merlin’s ship flying in the face of canon, and that means will deserves his own tiny handful of stories to be actually about him, without his and merlin’s relationship being used solely as a stepping stone on the way to merlin and arthur’s 23,831st triumph.

i am just saying - if uther pendragon can fall in love with merlin and have it tagged as ‘fluff,’ then for the love of all that is good, we can give will his moment. let will enjoy the respect he should have earned from us when he died saving both merlin and arthur’s lives. let will be a person in his own right, instead of a plot device sacrificed to the (in)glorious altar of merthur. let will have an inner life of his own. let will have a best friend who doesn’t treat him like an accessory to The Greatest Love Story Ever Told. let will himself live out The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, for once. let will get his guy. i may tend to focus on friendship in my own work, but there are a lot of universes out there, and when it comes to someone who has always been so alone, and so singularly focused on merlin’s wellbeing, i’m not entirely sure if friendship even feels anything different to “in love” for will at all, in at least some of these places.

let will have his happy tags. he’s been on his own for so much of his life - let him have his simple ‘friendship’, his ‘platonic love,’ his ‘found family.’ let him have his lovestruck ‘pining,’ ‘friends-to-lovers,’ ‘angst with a happy ending,’ too, and let him keep those tags for himself. let characters who aren’t arthur pendragon have their love stories.

i may not care much for shipping, and i would rather read gen any day of the week, but let me tell you right now, i would rather write will and merlin settling down in a haze of domestic bliss 23,830 times before i would ever want to watch merlin ditch him yet again for a dude who never matched merlin’s level of caring and investment in the canon ‘verse.

#the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #fandom #thank you for coming to the extended version of my ted talk #ultimately i know it's silly to be so invested #in something this small #and i constantly struggle with feeling...bizarrely self-conscious about like - even writing things like this because #it's so inconsequential and then i feel silly for being so interested #and using so many words for such a little thing #you know like when you're young and you get embarrassed about being so passionate about some niche interest #i feel like someone is looking at me and being like 'BOY THAT GIRL IS STUPID'#(why you ask???)#(i don't know; it's ridiculous!)#but then there's like another voice in my head yelling 'THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT FANDOM IS FOR'#'fanatic domain'#you're SUPPOSED to be fanatically obsessed about something; that is literally the point #people devote whole blogs to their tiny niche interests and their favorite pairings and they post incessantly about one thing #and i never think that's weird #that's just fandom #so i just have to like - chill out about myself lol #i am allowed to make innumerable posts about something only i care about #and i am allowed to be as passionate about tiny niche things as i want #that is literally the purpose of fandom and i just have to keep reminding myself of that #i have no trouble remembering it when it comes to other people's interests #but i always get self-conscious about my own #ANYWAY I'M WORKING ON IT #but in the meantime i'm having fun #which is the entire point of being a fan so #all is well #:D

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mittensmorgul · 5 years ago

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It’s incredible to me how much of s14 is... s15 lite, like everything with Michael and his dreams of a monster apocalypse was just the more easily defeated version of Chuck and his dreams of a monster apocalypse.

I’m only up to 14.05 on the tnt loop (or how far I’ve jumped out ahead of the tnt loop...), but I honestly can’t get over how perfect s14 is, or just how much it’s paved the way for s15 and the final showdown against Chuck. We’re truly engaged in the final battle for free will.

But in s14, TFW was still figuring out the details, figuring out how to go from being controlled by Michael to taking control of Michael. Yes, Dean had to experience this for himself, going from “drowning” under Michael’s possession to taking control and containing Michael. It took the help of Sam and Cas to do it, though. He couldn’t have done it on his own. Oh, and while they were all dealing with Michael inside Dean’s mind, it also took Jack on the spot to kill the monsters invading the bunker, or TFW wouldn’t have survived the ordeal anyway. They would’ve been slaughtered while their bodies sat at the library table, not even putting up a fight against the physical threat in the room while they were wrapped up in an internal threat in Dean’s psyche.

Dean’s first struggle once Sam and Cas turned up at Rocky’s Bar? Accepting reality, separating out the illusion and discovering what was truly real. Kinda makes Cas’s assertion of “we are” in 15.02 incredibly poignant now. Because in s15, there is no illusion, no nightmare to snap out of with a clearly delineated border between real and unreal. Exactly as he’s been doing forever, Chuck has leveled up the stakes, taken everything at the core of the narrative and metaphorically brought it from subtext to text.

S15 is playing with the same themes, only there’s no more leveling up after this within Chuck’s story, because he’s dropped the pretense, and the only trick left is to understand what Chuck’s story is, and what THEIR OWN stories are.

Who would they be, and what would they choose for themselves if the cosmic interference really did come to an end. What would the world be like if they truly were free?

And Jack... is at the center of all of it. Chuck needed Jack gone from his story, because Jack is the “cosmic can opener.” On every level-- from character arcs and all of TFW (including Rowena here, because unlike Eileen, she actually has a mirror narrative with Jack, and fandom’s eagerness to just... shove Rowena aside and replace her with Eileen is a particular point of frustration for me here, in case anyone didn’t notice... Like Adam, Eileen’s return has too much “this is a plot device” around it and not enough of “this is true emotional connection with no overarching manipulation” for me to actually trust it yet... there’s no THERE there, and the show isn’t even seemingly attempting to create it... sorry... >.>) and what they’ve learned about themselves from guiding Jack through his entire journey of existence from nephilim to human to soullessness, to the metanarrative level of “controlling the story” the way Chuck can by changing reality itself, to opening portals between worlds.

And right now, as I’m watching 14.07 (and since I know how 14.08 will go as well), with Jack’s first confrontation with the Empty, and Cas’s bargain with the Empty, and everything TFW (yes, AGAIN including Rowena, because this episode will establish her connection to Jack directly) will do to defy death and Death to bring Jack back. They’ll all need to understand the cosmic mechanisms of life and death itself in order to gain the knowledge and understanding to see through Chuck’s final story and free themselves from it.

Heck, I didn’t intend to add this bit, but apparently I am a sucker for punishment, but I need to say this, because apparently it’s too easily forgotten. But SAM is never set up as Rowena’s “son replacement” figure. JACK is. This is her role in JACK’S story. Rowena is set up, throughout 14.07 and later in 14.14 and 14.18, as Sam’s PARTNER in all the ways that Dean and Cas are partnered in parenting Jack. I’ve been hitting myself over the head all season long trying to understand why people failed to see this parallel setup. Why people thought they’d tanked the entire destiel narrative. And I’m wondering if that’s because the people who stopped seeing it... aren’t parents... or perhaps aren’t middle-aged parents of adult children. Because this... is what being in a romantic partnership with a co-parent is like.

You sacrifice a LOT of yourselves and your partnership for your kids. Especially when your kid is... suffering the way Jack has. But if you survive it, if your relationship survives it, coming through the other side of it can bring you so much closer together. And because this is Supernatural, and we’re now in the final season of Supernatural, this sometimes means LITERALLY surviving Death and coming back, having rediscovered what’s truly important.

The direct line Dean has to Michael in 14.07, the connection activated when Rowena says “archangel” and when Sam says “shaman,” is like the Chuck-Lite version of Sam’s s15 connection to Chuck. Cas’s resulting trip to visit Sergei the shaman was entirely arranged by Michael... manipulation and all. Just like Sam’s nearly dying in 15.07 where Sergei again entered the picture and nearly killed Sam... it’s all just another manipulation (that Cas fortunately learned from the last time enough to have leverage this time around).

Rowena on parenthood in 14.07:

Sam: Somebody is sick, all right, but… Listen, I-I don't know how well you got to know our -- our -- our friend Jack with everything that was going on when you were here, but we've sort of been taking care of him, and, uh, he's, um… Lucifer's son. Rowena: Goodbye. Sam: No, no, no. Stop, stop. He's a great kid. His mother was a fantastic human being, a-a-and he wanted nothing to do with Lucifer, w-who is dead, as you know. Rowena: I hope he's rotting. Sam: Yes, but Lucifer stole Jack's grace, so he's powerless now, and -- and something's going on with him, and he might die. Rowena: Oh, splendid! The sooner the better! From what I know of the father, the world will be better off without the son. Jack: You might be right. We're all still figuring that out. I'm Jack. And I know people have a lot of strong feelings about my father, but I'm --I'm trying hard not to be like him. Sam and Dean, they -- they say such nice things about you. Rowena: They do? Jack: You saved all of us -- from Apocalypse World. Rowena: Well, that's true. Jack: So, before you go, I -- I just wanted to say...thank you.

And, boom. She and Sam are co-parenting now. She never again questions or doubts in Jack. That’s all it took to win her over.

and from the same episode, Cas on parenthood (because parallels are nice):

Castiel: If this "Sergei" has anything even remotely useful to offer, I'll call. Sam: Yo, Cas, wait. Are you sure you wanna handle this alone? Cas: I, uh… I feel the need to do something. And I think Dean's right. We can't afford to overlook any possibility. He seems to be taking this particularly hard. Sam: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he -- he, uh, was pretty rough on Jack at the beginning, and...I don't think he's forgotten. And I know he hasn't forgiven himself. You know, he's lost people, we've all lost people, but, um… Cas: This feels different. Losing, um...a son...feels different.

and in turn, it’s always been Jack teaching them what’s truly important, reevaluating what his own definition of “paradise” could be:

Dean: Well, bait and beer. You are a cheap date. This certainly isn't Tahiti. Jack: You once told me you and your father did the exact same thing. It was your happiest memory of him. Dean: I didn't say that. Jack: It was how you said it. I could tell. I guess my point is that… if I don't make it... The stuff I'd miss -- it wouldn't be things like Tahiti. Or the Taj Mahal. I'd miss more time with you. I'm getting that life isn't all these big, amazing moments. It's time together that matters. Like this. Dean: Well, who'd have thought hanging out with me would make you sentimental? Jack: I've had a good life, Dean.

THIS is what’s truly important. THIS is what TFW (yes, including Rowena) has always fought for. THIS is what they deserve at the end of the story.

This is what they’re fighting for in s15.

#spn 15.08 #spn 14.05 #spn 14.06 #spn 14.07 #spn 14.08 #spn 14.10 #spn 14.03 #spiders georg of the tnt loop #spn 14.04 #why not just throw in all of s14... >.>#s15 meta rewatch #chuck's process #the entire roadmap to s15 is already in the story...#samwitch #destiel #the scheherazade of supernatural #winchester family dynamics #and I'll say it again... if the show is attempting to set up happy saileen endgame they really need to put in some work to make it #not feel like an afterthought... all the cutesy tropes int the universe don't put her into this role in the narrative structure...#and so far everything between her and sam is so incredibly strained... they're NOT communicating #their agreement was basically 'leave me alone to do my thing and i'll tell you if i need you'#not 'we agree to communicate openly about everything'#and the fact sam seems bitter about it isn't helping either #how tf is that romantic at all?

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