#but am only just now posting them together

[silkentine]

Wha--?! Silk finally finished her fem Zoro design after (checks notes) literally 6 months since she made the canvas in procreate?

I'll break down design thoughts and share some fun bonus pics under the cut:

I LOVE long hair on Zoro, I think that was the first change I wanted to implement. Zoro in canon actually has a really interesting relationship with gender dynamics which (if for some reason you're reading this and you haven't watched One Piece) can seem out of left field for the "dumb brute" character. His rivalry with and reverence for Kuina suggests he doesn't adhere to the idea that women are weaker than men. Later on, however, during his confrontation with Monet and Tashigi during Punk Hazard, his hesitation to slash her down reveals that he's subconsciously over-protective of women because he thinks they're inherently weaker. I actually don't have any problem with this character trait, I think it makes him feel more real as a person and he obviously gets shit-talked enough about it in the story itself. But how did I want to reflect these beliefs if Zoro had been born a woman? Easy: internalized misogyny and applying value to herself via her appearance.

My version of Zoro grew up wanting to fight with swords but her only chance of entering the dojo was to work under the proprietress, Lady Shimotsuki to maintain the property, cook meals for the male students, and eventually be a good wife to the current heir, Kuina. She learns that, to get what she wants, she must be the ideal woman, even if she stays up all night training swordsmanship with Kuina when she isn't supposed to. He treats her love for swordplay seriously and treats her like an equal, which sparks a bond between them and eventually leads to Zoro's goal of becoming the world's greatest swordsman after his sudden, accidental death.

After years of intense training (now that Lady Shimotsuki admits that she'll need a new heir and Zoro is the closest thing she has) Zoro's finally old enough to leave and begin her journey. She starts letting go of the idea that she has to look pulled together to be taken seriously because she can just kill anyone who looks down on her. Her clothing falls into disrepair, she wears outfits that help her move in combat, and she starts tossing her hair up into messy, knotted buns under her bandana. Even so, she keeps her hair long like rolling hills of grass. (At least during pre-timeskip. She lops off her hair to prove to Mihawk that she's serious about being trained.)

I've put her in a thin sweater that she stitches (poorly) back together after her first interaction with Mihawk. (I kept one sleeve because I was inspired by the santoryuu Nami that Oda drew that one time.) I also wanted to girl-ify the ubiquitous haramaki so I picked leg warmers for her because I think they're sufficiently "dated" enough to be kinda analogous with his old man belly warmer. I also love gyaru fashion, sue me.

Here is a screenshot of her as a blonde:

And here is a sketch of her post-timeskip where she's fully embraced her butch nature:

Hubba hubba, am I right?

Check out my tag "girl piece original design" to see more of my genderbending art! Next post, I'll put all my East Blue Crew designs together! I can't believe it's taken this long but I AM SO HAPPPPPYYYYY

[mortalityplays]

5 years ago I was dirt broke and closeted and destroying my body working full-time in hospitality. 10 years ago I was unemployed and catatonically depressed, living out of a storage closet at my mum's place because I'd expected to leave home after graduating & my insane abusive stepmother didn't want me at my dad's. my sibling was homeless rather than live with either parent. the only thing that eventually stopped me drinking was the critical dose of psych medication I was put on to keep me from walking into traffic.

guess what, there are still times and places and feelings from those years that I miss so bad it hurts, that I mourn like someone died, because I was dead inside and out and couldn't focus on the things that kept me going. my sweet cat who used to wedge himself between my knee and my busted laptop and purr while I was job hunting. he passed away last year. the late night walks I used to take with my sibling just for a reason to be out of the house, when we would talk about art and tag up the walls on the half-constructed tram line at 3am. they have long covid now and can't walk more than a few minutes without getting exhausted, and we live in different cities, and we'll never be that angry together again. sometimes we're both online at the same time in the small hours of the morning and get on a phonecall together, and I know this is another temporary version of our relationship that I'll miss when circumstances change.

I'm sorry you don't have good memories of the bad times in your life, and I am really, truly, genuinely happy that you're in a better place now, but I resent the assumption that this post was written by and for someone who has never suffered. 10 years ago, at my absolute lowest, nothing made me want to blow my brains out more than the condecending You 👏 Are 👏 Valid 👏 tumblr culture of the time that told me everything would be okay and it gets better and I don't know who needs to hear this but you're lovable just as you are. Obviously a lot of people did need to hear that. Fine! But what I needed to hear was what I'm writing to myself from 2025: that the tiny moments of peace you find in the warzone matter, and you don't have to wait for life to get better to appreciate them. pet your cat and memorise the smell of his fur. take a walk, tag a wall. write your name on memory lane.

please can I talk to the people like me without being talked over, without eliding my words into 'the nightmare is 100% intolerable but it eventually ends if you wait it out, just trust me on this one' or 'buck up idiot, do some breathing exercises and be thankful'. believe it or not I have also lived a life, and I know what I'm saying because I said it on purpose.

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

[munsonsmixtapes]

I'm Not That Girl

Fiyero Tigelaar x shy!fem!reader

summary: you think Fiyero is only flirting you to be nice because you're not the kind of girl he usually goes for, but he's more than eager to set the record straight when confusion arises

This is based on a comment made on this post by @cultish-corner!

Nothing but anxiety courses through you the second you step foot on campus. You don’t know anyone and are nothing but nervous to be in a new place with new people. That’s your worst nightmare, you think, as you walk throughout the campus to the suite you were assigned, you can’t help but feel like everyone is staring at you, but absolutely no one is paying you any mind as you make your way down the hallway, repeatedly looking down at the sheet you’ve received to make sure you have the right room.

This is the first time you’ve ever been away from home for an extended period of time and you hate that you already miss it. But you’re excited for a new adventure. Even though you’re nervous, you’re still looking forward to what your time at Shiz will bring you. You’re looking forward to a change.

You’re so focused on looking at the sheet that you’re not even looking when you bump into something, or rather, someone. The collision causes your things to fall out of your hands and onto the floor, causing the stranger to drop to their knees, picking it all up rather quickly before holding your suitcase and papers out to you, a flirty smile on his pretty face that you only see out of the corner of your eyes because you’re afraid of making eye contact with him. 

“Here,” he says, handing the paper to you, still holding onto your suitcase which confuses you.

“Oh,” you reply. “Thank you.” 

He’s easily the prettiest man you’ve ever seen and you can’t help but be distracted by his striking blue eyes that definitely have a very flirty glint in them. You immediately recognize him as the prince you had seen in the newspaper not too long ago, seeing that he’d transferred here. You know all about his reputation, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to speak to him. In fact, it makes you want to do it even more.

“It’s my pleasure. I am so sorry for my clumsiness,” he apologizes even though it was very obviously you who ran into him. “I guess I was just so distracted by your beauty.” You don’t care if it’s a line, it works, causing your cheeks to heat as you tuck your chin to your chest, not wanting him to see you. 

“My apologies,” he sticks his hand out and takes free one, causing you to finally look up at him and you’re captivated by his pretty, blue eyes. “Fiyero Tiglaar, Winkie Country,” he says as his lips press a soft kiss to the top of your hand. 

“I-I’m y/n,” you introduce yourself, your voice still too soft for your liking. 

“Y/n,” he repeats your name slowly, a flirty tone to it and you just know that he does this with everyone he comes across, but you hope, you pray that this is different. You want him to be flirting with you because he thinks you’re pretty, not because he can. “I think that might be my favorite name of all.” 

“Now, shall we?” He asks, moving to stand beside you, offering you his arm and you loop your own arm through it before he reaches over and grabs hold of your luggage. 

“Where are we going?” You ask, your voice so low that Fiyero is almost unable to hear you. 

“I’m going to walk you to your room,” he says with a bright smile, leading you down the hallway, everyone who’s around whispering as the two of you walk together. It’s no secret that he’s popular, how could he not be with his looks and charm? And seeing him with you, the shy, new girl will definitely stir up some rumors. 

Your room is just down the hall and even though he’s only just met you, Fiyero doesn’t want to leave you. He wants you to invite him inside where the two of you sit on your bed and get to know each other. He wants to know everything about you. He wants to know where you grew up, what your hobbies are, whatever you want to tell him because he likes the sound of your voice.

“We’ll, here we are,” he says, hesitantly removing his arms from yours as you step away before taking your suitcase back from him. “It was a pleasure.” He bows then stands there, almost like he’s waiting for something. 

“Here we are,” you repeat, wondering what it is that he’s wanting. He should at least be halfway down the hall by now.

“Tomorrow, you should sit with me in the dining hall. I’d really enjoy your company,” he smiles and you nod in response. 

“I’d really like that,” you tell him, still nodding, feeling a warmth creep on your cheeks as you do so. You don’t know why you take him so seriously. Guys like him don’t ever give you so much as a second glance let alone a lunch invitation. By tomorrow, Fiyero will forget all about you.

The hallway is quiet and empty when you sneak out of your room. You can’t sleep because of how nervous you are for your first day of classes. Especially since it’s a few months into the year and you’re the only new person. Everyone else has gotten the chance to know each other and you’re new. 

It’s taking everything in you not to pack up your stuff and leave so you don’t have to face anyone tomorrow. You don’t care if it’s dramatic or that you’re overreacting, it’s not like anyone will miss you anyway. You always seem to fade into the background no matter what’s going on and that’s the way you like it. You hate being the center of attention and know that it will distract you from your first day if everyone is staring at you. 

You close the door gently and turn around slowly, letting out a yelp as you see Fiyero leaning against the wall across from you. He’s in his pajamas so you’re led to believe that he can’t sleep either. And he can’t, but not for the same reason as you. He’s just not tired and that’s not uncommon for him. He often has trouble sleeping. But tonight, he’s hoping you’ll keep him company so he doesn’t have to go back to bed alone. 

He pushes off of the wall and steps over to you, moving slowly because he can see that he’s startled you. You take a step forward and he can’t help but stare at you, wondering what you’re also doing up so late. 

“What are you doing up?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowing in both confusion and worry. He wants to reach for you, but he decides against it. If there’s going to be any touching, he wants you to be the one to initiate it. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you shake your head and he nods in understanding. His face softens and that infectious smile spreads across it. You can’t help but mimic him and that’s definitely something he could get used to seeing more often. 

“Me neither,” he replies then offers his hand out to you. “Would you like to go somewhere with me?” Go somewhere with him? You look this way and that to make sure there’s no one else he could possibly be talking to and he just laughs in response, a little too loudly for your liking. 

You step closer and press the palm of your hand to his lips to muffle his laughs and you both widen your eyes at your boldness. His eyes soften before yours do, more laughs spilling from his mouth as he pulls your hand away, holding it in his. 

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” you whisper to him and his laughs slowly turn into chuckles as he gives your hand a squeeze. 

“You need to relax,” he shakes his head. “And besides, trouble is my middle name.” You roll your eyes at his words and Fiyero really likes being able to more of your personality. “So,” he steps closer to you so that you’re toe to toe. “Are we going or what?” 

You’re not sure why, but you’ve found yourself to be at ease with him. He’s one of the only people who hasn’t had any problem with how shy and soft-spoken you are. He even seems to like it, not minding in the slightest having to get closer to hear what you have to say. In fact, he seems to prefer it.

“Yes,” you nod. “Let’s go.” 

“So you’re just going to blindly follow a man that you barely know to an unknown location where anything could happen to you?” He teases as he pulls you down the hallway and you never thought about it that way, and if it had been anyone else, maybe you would be worried, but not with Fiyero. “Well, y/n, I thought you knew better than that.” 

“And the same goes to you, Tigelaar,” you retort. “I could just as easily be as dangerous.”

“Somehow, I just don’t think that’s true. You’re far too sweet.” You hate that he’s right. It wouldn’t even cross your mind to hurt someone unless they made the first move. 

“You don’t even know me.” And he hates that he doesn’t. He hopes that in the coming weeks that you’ll be friends or maybe even more, but he knows the latter is probably just wishful thinking. 

“And that’s exactly why I invited you to join me tonight. I want to get to know you. It’s also the reason why I invited you to eat with me in the dining hall.” You’re confused now. You thought he was just trying to be nice. And now you feel terrible for even thinking that he wasn’t being genuine.

“You were serious about that?” Fiyero is quick to turn around to face you, hurt flashing across his face. And seeing the pain expression on yours is making him feel even worse. He thought that his intentions were pretty clear, but apparently he had been wrong. 

“O-of course I was serious. Why would I joke about that?” He’s leaning closer to you, taking your hands in his gently as he pulls you closer, wanting you to look him in the eyes when he speaks. “I invited you because I want to spend time with you, to get to know you. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any different,” he says as he pushes some hair away from your face. 

“I know it sounds silly since we’ve only just met, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since this morning.” The look in his eye is nothing but genuine and now you feel silly for thinking that he was anything but. 

“I thought it was just me,” you reply, your eyes lighting up. 

“No,” he shakes his head, leaning even closer to you as his hands move to rest in your hips, his eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort or hesitance. “Can I try something?” He asks in a whisper, his eyes shifting your lips and you think you know what he wants to try. 

“Yes,” you reply as your eyes flutter shut, feeling his breath fanning your face as he leans down and presses his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. Your arms wrap around his neck as he pulls you closer to him, responding to his kiss as your lips slot between his, moving with them as best as you can. 

Fiyero pulls away before you’re ready and pulls you a few feet before spinning you into him, pressing another kiss to your lips. He then takes you to the gardens where you spend the rest of the night, talking about everything and nothing between sweet kisses until the sun comes up. You think it’s needless to say that you’re really going to like it at Shiz.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Start Again (Honkai: Star Rail Short Fic)

Tingyun (Fugue) x Reader

It's 2am as of writing, I get up at 7 for work, but I refuse to sleep until this brainworm has left. Burn by FLOW and many Gundam Unicorn songs inspired this piece. Post edit note: IT'S 3:44 AM BUT THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT Content: Angst to Comfort(Considering the circumstances, anyway) Word Count: 1.6k Apologies if this is OOC, the brainrot was VICIOUS

Fugue's dreams have led her here again. Sitting at a familiar setting, with a familiar face by her side.

It takes her a moment or two to recall where exactly she is. The...Earl?

The exact name escapes her, but she knows the feelings it brings her. Comfort, yet sadness. She knows returning there on the Loufou will not be as it once was.

But the person next to her smiling? The one holding her hand, failing to contain a laughter that instantly makes her at ease? She could never forget your name.

And yet in this instance, your lips move, but no sound comes out. The only noise that she can hear is her own breathing, one that grows ragged with every second she looks at you.

Her hands squeeze yours back without her input, feeling her own lips move. But just like you, she says yet another line lost to time, and still your eyes glimmer with such excitement.

What promises had she made to you back then?

What promises will she not be able to keep?

Just as Fugue had gotten bearings of her surroundings, the dream seems to fragment yet again, as her vision fades into darkness.

...

Fugue's eyes rapidly blink, forcing her daze out and focusing back on the present. She can see the reflection of herself on the glass, half expecting to see her past appearance.

She was aboard the Astral Express, staring out into the stars again. Fugue continued only for a few seconds longer before realizing that she wasn't alone in the car, with the Trailblazer standing behind her.

(Fugue) "Oh, Benefactor! My apologies, I didn't know you were standing there."

Fugue smiled with a hand over her chest, though the pain from the memory had yet to fade. Something that was all too evident, apparently.

(Caelus) "Are you okay? You're crying."

Fugue's hand immediately reached for the corner of her eyes, finally feeling the trickle that was building up, and with a sigh she let her hand drop back down to her waist.

(Fugue) "...Would you mind indulging in a question of mine?"

The Trailblazer leaned against the glass next to her, crossing his arms as he gave a thoughtful nod.

(Caelus) "Ask away."

Fugue turned back around to face the stars, trying to compose herself and find the proper way to ask Caelus a nagging thought of hers. Before, she could have easily found away to articulate her thoughts, but alas that was yet another part of her taken.

Her eyes drifted along the rim of the windows, eventually staring out into space again.

(Fugue) "What would be the first thing you would say to someone who thought you were gone forever? Someone who loved you more than anything else?"

Fugue didn't hear a response from him, not for a little while. When it was clear that was her only question, Caelus eventually sighed and gave her an answer.

(Caelus) "I guess...Hey."

...Hey?

That was it?!

Fugue immediately turned her attention back to Caelus, who was now awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck at her sudden frown.

(Fugue) "That is wildly inappropriate! How can the first thing I say to them just be a simple greeting?!"

Caelus's lips curled into a smile, moments away from saying something either witty or irritating, only to stop at the last second as his expression became serious again.

(Caelus) "You remember (Y/N)?"

(Fugue) "...So you've met them too."

Caelus nodded, motioning towards the nearby couch for them to sit down. After they had gotten comfortable, he leaned forward with both his hands clasped together.

(Caelus) "Only a few times, when they were with...-"

Fugue suddenly felt it hard to breathe, imagining the pain you must have felt realizing the person you loved was actually a monster wearing their skin, thinking that you would never see them again.

Caelus's next response immediately snapped Fugue out of her reverie.

(Caelus) "-...They still love you, Fugue."

She said nothing, taking a moment for his words to settle in.

(Caelus) "If I saw someone again after a long time, anything they'd say would be of some comfort. At least, that's the way I see it."

Fugue looked again towards the stars, but this time her reflection in the glass seemed all the harder to ignore.

(Caelus) "That's why I think a greeting is a way to start again. The best way? Probably not but...It's better than nothing, or just leaving them alone."

Fugue's gaze eventually trailed down to her own hand, her tail slowly swishing to her side.

(Fugue) "...Even when the person they loved is no longer the same?"

Caelus leaned back into the seat, staring out into the stars with his friend.

(Caelus) "Even then."

...

You decided that it'd be a good time to take a small break, and relax on a nearby bench, hearing the distant hum of starskiffs from above.

This was a quieter part of the Loufou, though it could never become entirely silent. Regardless, it always helped calm you down, at least somewhat, when your mind began to race again.

Truth be told, you wish you could be busy to keep your mind off things. Even though almost an entire year had passed since the funeral, your mind still couldn't help but think about Tingyun.

Sighing, you began to move off the bench when a familiar voice called out to you.

(???) "H-Hello, (Y/N)..."

Your swore your heart stopped for a moment or two as your body quickly swiveled to the person you swore was-

(Y/N) "Tingyun...?"

The woman in front of you looked almost exactly like your now dead girlfriend. Though her hair was longer, the clothing darker-The details differed ever so slightly, but you were sure.

That's Tingyun in front of you right now.

You wanted to reach out and hug her, to start crying on the spot and begin shouting to the skies how much you missed her. And yet...

Her eyes. Her eyes that once held such warmth for you alone, no longer sparkled in that same way. As if...she were talking to a stranger.

What seemed like a small eternity had passed before she sighed, sitting at the bench beside you, though not quite close enough, leaving a noticeable space between you two.

(Y/N) "...Are you really?-"

(Fugue) "Yes and...No."

Calling herself 'Fugue', she began explaining what exactly had led to her return, and although she was the woman you loved, at the same time it wasn't.

Her memories were fragmented, and although the finer details were lost forever, certain people and things that held significance to her seemed to be the only things intact.

Meaning that you were one of the anchors allowing her to even survive.

(Fugue) "...And now, I have a second chance at life, perilous as it is still."

(Y/N) "...What exactly do you remember of me, if I can ask."

Fugue pursed her lower lip, brows furrowing as her expression alone told you how little actually came to mind. Every second that passed was like a dagger twisting further into your heart, only stopping momentarily when she collected her thoughts.

(Fugue) "Besides your name...your smile...How warm your hands are, and how nice they feel when I hold them..."

Fugue tried with all her might to recall that dream. Even though it was so damn vivid every night, why did she struggle to recall it the moment she needed it the most?

(Fugue) "I...I think we had tea in front of the...Earl...?-"

(Y/N) "The Sleepless Earl, hah..."

You closed your eyes as tears threatened to spill out. Hearing her speak again was agonizing, yet relieving all at the same time. It was her, yet not her...Despite that, you finally knew in some capacity, she was safe and breathing next to you again.

Though, you must have done a poor job of masking your emotions since you felt a familiar touch you've missed brush against your cheek, feeling a thumb wipe away a tear that fell out.

(Fugue) "I...I didn't mean to hurt you. I shouldn't have come to you. I'm so-"

(Y/N) "Don't!"

Your body moved faster than your mind, immediately grabbing her hand when it tried slipping away. Fugue was somewhat startled, yet she quickly relaxed, seemingly soothed by your touch as well.

(Y/N) "...Sorry."

Clasping her hand again, you struggled to let go before gently putting her hands on her lap and maintaining that respectful distance.

(Y/N) "Knowing that you're alive again is more than enough for me. E-Even if you are on a razor's edge right now."

Truthfully, you didn't know if that was actually any better. You weren't sure if your heart could handle seeing her die again, but the illogical part of your brain was just happy to see her, to hear her speak, to hear her call out your name-

(Fugue) "(Y/N)."

You turned back to Fugue, who now had tears prickling the corners of her eyes too, her hand sitting in the middle of the space between you two.

(Fugue) "Do you know what my name means?"

You nod. You weren't oblivious to the symbolism of her new name.

(Y/N) "A loss of self."

(Fugue) "...And someone who's starting again."

She shifts her hand, her palm now facing outward. Now, she's giving you the smile you adored for all these years, one that never failed to make your heart race and cheeks flush.

This time, her smile is making tears rush down your face freely.

(Fugue) "I think it will take some time, but...I'd like to start again with you. And...to fall in love with you once more."

The smile you give back seems to have the same effect, even if Fugue doesn't entirely know the reason why she feels connected to you.

Not that particular bit stopped you from wiping away her tears this time, and letting your foreheads rest against each other.

Starting again didn't sound too bad.

[rnnsdrms]

THE BOYS WHO ... !!

ᥫ᭡. ── DEAREST READER. renna’s writing nsfw’s debut? wowza. not really a debut since i wrote an nsfw alphabet for mycroft two years ago, lol. i’ve been wanting to write nsfw for a long time now and while there are some on my drafts, i am still not confident with my writing skills. afraid it sounded cringey. but i’ve finished watching blue lock and i need to let some things out. FEATURING: BLUE LOCK, FREE! & HAIKYUU!!

ᥫ᭡. ── CONTENT WARNING. adult content. minors do not interact. characters are aged up (when i wrote this in mind). nothing too explicit.

“—who press their cock between your folds, sliding it up and down but not wanting to slide it in just yet. looking down at you with an almost twisted smirk, they can feel your hips grind against their length, signaling them that you, his precious little doll, so desperate for his dick. with one hand holding their dick in place, the other reaches up to capture your neck in a firm hold—not too rough, just tight enough to loosen your jaw. “look at you, rubbing yourself against my cock. that desperate, huh? come on, use your words, baby, wanna hear you say it,” they tease with a condescending tone, their eyes darkening with every passing second, already consumed by a primal instinct you know all too well.”

BLUE LOCK: ITOSHI SAE, MICHAEL KAISER, KUNIGAMI RENSUKE, barou shouei, mikage reo, karasu tabito, shidou ryuusei, julian loki, aiku oliver, sendou shuuto

FREE!: MATSUOKA RIN, TACHIBANA MAKOTO, KINJOU KAEDE

HAIKYUU!!: SUGAWARA KOUSHI, MATSUKAWA ISSEI, KUROO TETSUROU,

“—tease your nipples until they’re sore, pinching the tender, sensitive buds with deliberate precision. their thumb glides across the taut skin, drawing lewd gasps from your lips as your body arches into their touch, trying to feel more of their large palms. you beg them to stop, looking up at them with eyes half-lidded, yet your pupils clouded with immense pleasure. ‘such a cute liar,’ they think, a smirk forming on their lips. leaning down, they capture your already bruised nipple with their mouth, swirling their tongue and sucking hungrily, each movement sending new wave of shocks through your trembling frame. “can’t believe you’re already this wet, just from my fingers playing with you like this …” they murmur while their face is between your chest, voice thick with satisfaction. the sight of you—a moaning, whimpering mess—fuels their pride, knowing they’re the only one who can unravel you so completely.

BLUE LOCK: CHIGIRI HYOMA, NAGI SEISHIROU, BACHIRA MEGURU, yukimiya kenyu

FREE!: MIKOSHIBA MOMOTAROU, RYUGAZAKI REI, SERIZAWA NAO, hazuki nagisa

HAIKYUU!!: KENMA KOZUME, SEMI EITA, AKAASHI KEIJI, bokuto koutarou

“—falter the moment their cock sinks into your wet hole, any semblance of composure slipping with every inch like the sweat streaming down the side of their head. their brows draw together, bliss carving itself across their face as your soft, warm walls envelop their size so perfectly—like you were shapes to fit only them. “ah, you feel so good, baby, fuck—” they groan, voice trembling as their head falls back. their hands grip your waist, fingers pressing into your skin as if to mark you. “you’re mine.” they mutter. then, they lean down to whisper in your ear. “mine, mine, mine, my pretty little thing—” their words breaking into a possessive rhythm as they begin to move, each thrust sealing the claim.

BLUE LOCK: ITOSHI RIN, ISAGI YOICHI, zantetsu tsurugi, nanase nijiro, noel noa

HAIKYUU!!: KAGEYAMA TOBIO, AZUMANE ASAHI, IWAIZUMI HAJIME, sawamura daichi, ushijima wakatoshi

FREE!: YAMAZAKI SOUSUKE, KIRISHIMA NATSUYA, SHIINA ASAHI, kirishima ikuya, nanase haruka

RNNSDRMS ©. SUPPORT WRITERS BY REBLOGGING THEIR WORK. DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, TRANSLATE, OR POST MY WORKS ON ANY SITE. I WILL POST MY POSTS ON OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA SITES MYSELF AND THAT’S ALL YOU GET.

[kindaasrikal]

ROGUE JAY DUMP

I swear i just posted this but i can’t find it on my page??? Whatever

Jay?? On my page??? Likelier than anyone thought. I was thinking i was gonna be drawing a bunch of Morro whilst travelling but here we are.

A few headcanons i added to this (as well as being too lazy to follow his actual design and making my own) aree:

Jay is BLIND. Kinda. In one eye. He has a lightening scar covering most of the top left side of his face, and due to it having come from his own magical lightening abilities, it ended up changing the colour of his eye itself. (I couldn’t decide between brown/hazel eyed Jay or the popular yellow and blue heterochromia hc so i just. Mashed them together.)

That same eye is slightly squinted.

Bald Jay is beautiful but i am obsessed with messy long haired Jay with very frizzy and weird hair. And then i gave him an undercut.

I actually completely and utterly forgot and hate myself for it but you can see on the Jay with a ponytail one that he has a hair tie and i was supposed to colour it with the same shades of blue Nya wears. Smacking you all with the headcanon that Jay always had a hair tie on his wrist for Nya just in case, sometimes even giving it to the others like Wu for his braid and beard, or Kai for when he gets hit in the face with water.

After he woke up from the merge, it was the only thing he COULD keep and never let go of it since it was pretty much his only actual belonging. And now he uses it often.

OO WAIT ONE MORE

The straw hat (not at all like the one in his minifig) was one he randomly found on the street. ‘Coincidentally’, it was also one of Wu’s. In reality, Wu the glowing orb missed his most energetic student and wanted him to at least have a piece of him with him when Wu can no longer be near. So, he may or may not have literally pushed it out of a bush when Jay was walking on the street.

Anyways, CLOSE UPS+

[nanamis-bigtie]

oxytocin

↬ higuruma hiromi x gn afab!reader ↬ jjk masterlist // ao3 version // kofi

cw: smut, chubby reader, established relationship, oral sex (r receiving), scent kink (hiromi likes to take a sniff) summary: hiromi apologizes to you for broken promise. with his lips. word count: 2,293 a/n: i promised myself I'm gonna write more self-indulgent stuff in 2025. and what's better indulgence than your fave being crazy about your body type, right? i like having my readers as neutral as i can make them but hell, i enjoyed writing this sooo much. I think this won't the last chubby reader I post. the idea for this fic came to me when I was listening to "oxytocin" by billie eilish on repeat - and thus the title. divider by saradika

"I could swear you promised you won't work on your days off."

You creak the door open just enough to slide in and lean against the frame, arms crossed on your chest. You try to look stern, but Hiromi barely flicks eyes over his laptop, so engrossed by his task even your grimace can't pull him away. Under other circumstances you would leave him to his matters, knowing better than interrupting him when he's in the flow, but today is different. Today is the first proper morning you spend together in your new house; no more unpacking, no more chaotic struggle between this place and your old apartment, no more exhausting IKEA trips, everything sneaked into your busy schedules by a thin margin.

He should be snoring softly by your side in your shared bed, sleeping off the housewarming party and a month-long plague of overtime. Not—bothering his body and mind with extra job he won't be even paid for.

"Hiromi..." You tiptoe closer and behind him, arms thrown over his shoulders and crossed over his chest.

He jumps a little but leans into your touch soon after. You press face into the crown of his head, inhaling fresh scent of his shampoo.

"I put the dishes away," he mutters and groans as you work through the tension in his sides and shoulders. "And cleaned up the living room."

"That's not what I meant." You pepper kisses down his temple, cheek and jaw. "You promised you won't do that. And especially not at 7a.m."

You reach over him and close the laptop, gently pushing it away before Hiromi catches on your move and tries to snatch it. He meets your hands instead, gathers them in his and pulls them close to his chest, trapping you in the role of a weighed blanket.

"It was just a single e-mail." Blatant lie, mollified with his nose rubbing against your neck, looking for the most delicious spots. "I would have finished before you wake up."

"Well, I am here, awake, and what do I see?"

You nip and suck at the tip of his ear, noting with satisfaction how his body trembles, the faintest of whines escaping his lips before he whisks away and returns the favor.

"I'm sorry, darling." Hiromi kisses his apologies along your neck, twists his torso to try and sneak a taste of your chest, delicious strap of bare skin revealed by loose pajama top. There's only one thing stronger than his persistent work obsession and he's chasing it like starved now, the fear of being punished for his broken oaths creeping behind hasty pecks and licks. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

He's ready to beg to get what he wants and avoid the repercussions, and as much you love the teary look he gives you when he's desperate, you're in mood for quite different Hiromi. You woke up with a goal on mind, disappointed you found his side of the bed empty and cold, unable to sate your needs without leaving the comfort of freshly bought sheets.

He pouts when you move away but hopeful gleam returns to his eyes when you sneak in between him and the desk. You wiggle yourself on top of it, legs spread just right to engulf him—and he doesn't make you wait, immediately shoving the chair forwards, until he's surrounded by your thick thighs.

"You're so warm..." He runs hands up them, trailing the lines of your stretch marks towards the hem of your skimpy shorts, kneading the soft rolls right under it.

"I would be warmer if you hadn't forced me out of the bed," you scoff but your voice is already melting. His hands are so smooth and gentle, so addictive with the way he touches you. He adores each inch of your skin, no crumb of your body able to escape his attention when he's in trance like this.

"I'm sorry." Hiromi darts his eyes up at you, drooping eyelids adding to his begging puppy look—but the fire in his gaze has nothing to do with submissiveness. He lets you hold the leash but it's not a firm hold.

He's going to yank it out of your hands soon.

You rest your feet on the armrests and lean a little to the back. Your shirt rolls up, revealing a roll of your tum over the doubled elastic band of shorts and panties.

Hiromi pounces on it like starved.

His kisses are soft at first, grazing the lines of stretch marks and adoring the delicate skin, but he can't restrain himself any longer. He licks and sucks, bites marks of possession in place only him is allowed to look, teases your bellybutton with the tip of his tongue to drag a sweet, ticklish giggle out of you. Greedy, he shoves the shirt more out of his way and buries his face whole into your tum, his moans swallowed by your body.

"Fucking hell, you're so hot..." he half-cries, blood rushing south already messing with his senses. His eyes are unfocused as he steals a sight of your face from his spot, almost rolling into the back of his head when he takes in the smell of your body, natural and soaked in lazy warmth of your shared bed. In no time, he's diving for more, pulling your bottoms with hands and teeth alike; when the line of your pubes and a glimpse of your soft mound welcomes him, he moans so obscenely you could swear he's finished in his pants just at the sight.

Your shorts are thrown aside and forgotten but he keeps your panties on, eyes transfixed on the wet stain right over your slit.

"For me?" He sucks air in, sharp, and traces it with a thumb, pressing gently at the outline of your clit.

For a moment he's overwhelmed by the gamut of options, but he doesn't let you grow impatient and dives straight for his favorite. Keeping you in place with surprisingly strong hold on your hips, Hiromi leans for it and sniffs your pussy through the fine fabric, loud whiff followed by even louder moan. Through seconds heavy like lead he only breathes you in and pushes his nose right at the center of the growing wetness—but he doesn't forget about you, he could never, your pleasure the most delicious treat for him.

He rubs his face whole into it, soaking himself in your scent, using his nose and lips to get you off through your panties. He sucks on your clit, his mouth full of the fabric, licks your juices, sneaks his tongue into all the delicious crevices, more and more soaked, the barrier between you two almost ceasing to exist.

"'romi..." you struggle to speak, to make any sound, really. The work of his mouth is divine and the fact he hasn't tasted you raw yet only adds to the fire. Anticipation is growing with each impatient lick and groan of his pleasure. He holds on to you as if you were bound to escape him if he lets go only for a second, his nails digging in your thighs, spreading you open and pinning you down for him.

But soon he can't be satisfied only with that. 

You chirp with disappointment when he pulls away, but you quickly catch on his plan and lift your hips as much as you can with your legs on the verge of folding. He yanks your soaked panties down to your ankles, frees them—and pushes his face into them, inner, wetter side right for his nose. A few deep and desperate breaths later, he folds them into his pocket for later, and focuses his eyes on your pussy, bare this time, moist and ready for him.

Hiromi mutters a curse as he loosens the collar of his shirt, futile attempt of protecting it from your juices. With how he eats you out—like a madman, like a feral animal—it stands no chance; its front ends up crumbled and stained in seconds as he leans his whole body into yours, sniffing you bare from the waist to crotch.

He's finally there, nose grazing your clit, tongue darting out to tease your lips and the edge of your entrance, ready to slip in as soon as you pull on his hair.

But the softest taps of fluffy feet stop him in his tracks. Both of you forgot about the door, still open for your curious cat, ready to investigate the source of noises so unusually early in the morning. Hiromi freezes, face inches over your mound, and follows her with the corner of his eye, can't help a chuckle when she assigns him as the most interesting object in the room and enthusiastically rubs her face against his calf.

"Oh kitty, not now." He still leans down to scratch her behind ear. "Good girl. Now let us be."

"You're nicer to her than to me," you joke but Hiromi takes it personally, look in his eyes so hurt you almost regret teasing him. Abandoning cat to its own shenanigans, he cradles your hand in his and pulls it to his lips, his kiss pressed to your wrist wet with your own arousal still lingering on them.

"I'm horrible today," he mutters against your skin, trails his love up your forearms, nuzzles his cheek into your wrist. "I hope you'll forgive me."

Intrusion has simmered the heat between you two down, but he quickly builds it back. You're no longer able to hold yourself on your elbows, with each kiss and hickey sucked into the softness of your thighs you lean more to the back, finally lying flat on the desk, with little to no care for possibly slipping down. Hiromi wouldn't let you, anchoring your hips as he finally returns to his breakfast. He laps, sips and sucks; dirty praises he mutters between slurps drown under wet sounds his busy tongue creates.

Self-indulgence is gone, Hiromi's only goal now is to bring you the most delicious orgasm. Even commotion between his legs doesn't distract him, not with your legs frantically closing on him, engulfing him with the plush of your thighs.

You're close, teetering on the edge of ecstasy.

Cat meows for attention, paws at Hiromi's pants, attempts to climb his lap but falls, unable to squeeze between the union of your bodies. Hiromi, head buried in his favorite spot, reaches blindly to untangle her paws from himself. One of them somehow slips into his pocket, dragging half of your panties out. Delicious, dangling treat for a curious creature, now interested more in fishing it out than begging for attention from her favorite human.

"Shoo, go away." Hiromi has to stop, much to your irritated whine. "That's not for you."

Panties are clumsily showed back, cat pushed further under desk with a foot. You start lifting yourself on elbows again, determined to pull Hiromi by hair where he belongs, but he's faster, lips wrapped around your clit, two fingers sliding inside you and curling, right at the delicious spot he knows will have your back arching in ecstasy.

You curse through clenched teeth, legs tensing and trembling, thighs squeezing him tight until he's moaning into your cunt. He sucks even harder, sharp draft through nose the last breath he takes before putting every ounce of his focus into bringing you pleasure.

"—mi!" You sob and tense, finally reaching the longed-for peak. He gently licks you through it, fingering you until you stop throbbing around him, and he can finally pull away, panting, his cheeks red from lack of air.

Hiromi nuzzles up to your thigh and welcomes you with a lazy, enamored smile when you find power to lift yourself again and look at him. His face is flushed and stained with your juices and his saliva, eyelids drooping even lower than usual. You thread fingers through his hair; he closes eyes in pleasure and leans into your touch.

"Am I forgiven?" He smiles, enamored with the views in front of him and drunk on your taste.

"You are. More than forgiven."

He helps you shimmy closer and chases your lips with the softest kiss. You can taste yourself on his tongue—a pleasant, nerve-tickling reminder of pleasure he's given you with it.

A shared moment of sweet distraction is enough for the cat to get the attention she wanted. A quick paw later, she steals your panties from Hiromi, and bolts with it in her teeth as if death itself chased her.

"Ah, you little—" Hiromi tries to grab her, only gets a tickle of her tail. "There she goes..."

"I'm gonna get her." You slip off the desk, ready to corner the little thief where you know she's hiding, under her favorite armchair in the living room. But Hiromi is even faster than the cat, one hand grabbing your hand, the other pushing you back towards the desk—and down, bending you with hips right at the perfect height for him.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" He ruts against your ass, groans as its softness swallows his erection, ready to be freed of his pants and sunk into your hot hole. "I thought I were forgiven?"

"But cat—" You fight against it just for the show, heat perking its head again, hungry for his cock.

Hiromi pins you down harder, until you mewl in discomfort, the hard edge of desk sinking into your tum. He steals a shallow thrust against you and presses close to your back, panting into your ear in need between words, his voice strained and guttural, "No, darling. Cat can wait. You can chase her after I've creampied you thoroughly."

[snowrubies]

Language Barrier

Fem!reader x Twice (mainly Sana)

Genre: Extremely fluffy and comedic

Warnings: none

Synopsis: You speak Korean perfectly, but Twice doesn't know that.

"Again? You need better staff," you say into the phone, exasperated. Your friend works in sound design for various concerts and often calls you when yet another member of the culinary or courtesy staff flakes out or quits without warning. It’s not a particularly difficult job, and the pay is decent. Plus, waiting on celebrities can be amusing—you get to see sides of them most people don’t.

"Well, you live so close, and we both know you’re not exactly swimming in plans, loser," she shoots back playfully.

"Fine, fine. Time, place, and dress code?" you reply, already rifling through your closet for the outfit she convinced you to buy "just in case."

"Same concert hall as last time. Be there at 10 AM for setup. White shirt, black pants. Bring them to change into, so you don’t ruin your good ones. Hair and makeup are your choice, but trust me—you’ll want to look good." There’s a sly undertone in her voice that sets off alarm bells. She’s hiding something.

"As if I ever try to look bad in front of celebrities," you grumble, glancing at your bedside clock. It’s 8:30—barely enough time to get ready, grab a quick lunch, and make it downtown. "Well, at least this time I have an hour. That’s better than last time’s 'get here now' panic."

"I’m learning," she says with faux innocence. Then, softer, "Thanks for doing this. See you soon."

You hang up and spring into action. First, leggings and a basic T-shirt for the commute. You pack your good clothes—crisp white shirt, black pants, and the shoes she always insists are "fancy enough." Hair comes next: rollers for quick curls while you keep your makeup simple. Neutral eyeshadow, a touch of blush, a dab of highlight—just enough to feel put together without going full glam. You're not the one under the spotlight, after all.

Time slips away faster than you expect. By the time your hair is pinned loosely at the crown of your head—not a bun, too stiff—you’ve got only ten minutes left. No time for anything fancy, so you toss hot dogs and mac and cheese in the microwave. The true lunch of champions. It’s not exactly a Michelin-star meal, but you figure you’ll sneak some of the event catering later.

You scarf down what you can grab your phone, keys, and bag, and head out the door.

You saw the signs as you were pulling into the back parking lot of the space. Your friend had conveniently forgotten to tell you just who you'd be waiting on, or even exactly what you'd be doing. She couldn't exactly hide the giant LED billboard with nine beautiful women you definitely more than recognized on it advertising tonight's concert. Even if she could, once inside the backdoor of the venue there was a staggering amount of Korean people and Hangul posted on doors and in hallways that'd give you a clue. You sent her a quick text saying where you were so she could give you today's assignment, and so you could jump down her throat for not telling you you'd be waiting on Twice. Just your favorite girl group ever.

She found you backstage by one of the many different locked rooms. "Hey best frieeend," she drew out in a singsongy way going in for a hug.

You weaved out of her hold, " Oh no. You've lost hug privileges. When exactly were you going to tell me it was Twice?"

"I said you'd want to look nice," she giggled. All part of her master plan.

"You are the worst," you muttered, trying to sound angry despite the giddy energy coursing through you. "What am I even doing? Don’t tell me I’m stuck running drinks or something."

"Relax," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "I may have mentioned you know Korean, so you’ll mostly be on standby in case they need anything. Food, water, minor stuff like that. You’re not serving tables or anything formal. Just be polite, stay professional, and don’t freak out."

"Freak out? Me?" you said with a nervous laugh. "Never. Definitely not having a full-blown internal meltdown right now."

"Good," she smirked, handing you a badge and a quick rundown of the evening. "You’ll do great. Oh, and try not to stare. They’re even prettier in person." With that, she spun on her heel and disappeared down the hallway, leaving you alone to process the fact that you were about to be in the same room as TWICE.

Taking a deep breath, you clipped the badge onto your shirt and adjusted your outfit one last time. Time to get it together. No fangirling. Just act cool, calm, and totally collected. Easy, right?

You refused to just sit and wait twiddling your thumbs until they arrived. You exchanged some pleasantries with the catering people and helped them set up snack trays and water bottles in the green room for Twice. They would be here soon for a sound check. Actual sound check, not the fake two to three-song warm-up open to the VIP fans. After that, they had some time to eat and in general hang around while getting their hair, makeup, and costumes done.

The green room looked cozy but professional, with plush chairs, a makeup station, and a neatly arranged buffet table laden with fruit, finger sandwiches, and those perfectly packaged snacks you always imagined celebrities lived on. The catering staff smiled appreciatively as you adjusted the placement of a tray.

You went to go change into your nicer clothes and tiny black kitten heels. You had just enough time to stash your bag somewhere out of sight before everyone started moving franticly.

The door to the green room creaked open, and in walked TWICE.

Nayeon led the group, her smile lighting up the room as she exchanged a few words with a staff member. Behind her, the rest of the group filed in, chatting amongst themselves in soft Korean. You froze for a moment, clutching a water bottle in your hand, trying to look casual as your heart raced.

“Wow, they really went all out for this,” Dahyun said in Korean, gesturing toward the snack table. “I don’t think we’ve ever had this much fruit before.”

Chaeyoung smirked. “Dahyun, you’d say that even if it was just an apple and a banana.”

Tzuyu leaned toward Mina, her voice soft and melodic looking at the monitor in the corner. “The stage lighting looks amazing, doesn’t it? It feels so warm.”

Mina nodded, her tone thoughtful. “It’s perfect. I think the fans will love it.”

They began to spread out, scanning the room and chatting in their small groups. You tried to stay focused, pretending to adjust the water bottles while listening intently.

“Excuse me,” a gentle voice interrupted your thoughts. You looked up to see Sana standing a few feet away, a curious smile on her face. “Uh… water?” she asked in English, her accent charmingly thick as she gestured toward the bottles.

You quickly picked one up and handed it to her, forcing a polite smile. “Yes, here you go,” you said, your voice steady despite the butterflies in your stomach.

“Thank you,” she said brightly, taking the bottle. “Nice...” She motioned toward the snack table and gave you a small thumbs-up before returning to the group.

Meanwhile, Jeongyeon had wandered toward a catering staff member, her English more deliberate but clear. “This… for us?” she asked, pointing at the trays.

“Yes,” the staff member replied. “It’s all for you. Please help yourselves.”

Jeongyeon nodded, looking impressed. “Very nice. Thank you.”

Nayeon, ever the social butterfly, spotted you lingering by the table. “Hello!” she greeted cheerfully in English, making you jump slightly. “You… work here?”

You nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m just helping with the setup today.”

“Ah, good job!” she said with a grin, her Korean accent giving the words a playful lilt. “This… all looks very good.”

“Thank you,” you managed, heat rushing to your cheeks.

As they settled in, their conversations switched fluidly between Korean and broken English, depending on who they were speaking to. Jihyo exchanged a few words with the event coordinator about the schedule, effortlessly mixing both languages.

“Soundcheck… now?” she asked, her English with large pauses but clear.

“Soon,” the coordinator replied. “You have a little time to eat first.”

“Good,” Jihyo said, nodding firmly before turning back to the group to relay the information in Korean.

The room buzzed with warmth and activity, their laughter mixing with the casual chatter of staff members. You couldn’t help but feel awestruck by how approachable they were, even as global superstars. Every interaction, whether in Korean or English, only made them feel more human—and somehow, even more dazzling.

As the group began to relax, you continued tidying up the snack table, doing your best to stay invisible. But you couldn’t help overhearing their conversations—especially the ones you weren’t supposed to understand.

“Did you see her?” Sana murmured to Nayeon in Korean, her voice low but full of curiosity.

“Who?” Nayeon replied, leaning slightly toward her.

“That staff member by the table,” Sana said, nodding subtly in your direction. “They’re really pretty, don’t you think?”

Nayeon glanced at you for a brief moment, her eyes sparkling with amusement before she turned back to Sana. “Oh, I noticed,” she said with a sly smile. “They’re very elegant. It’s rare to see someone like that working backstage.”

Dahyun, catching wind of the conversation, leaned in with a mischievous grin. “What are you two whispering about?”

Nayeon waved her off playfully. “Nothing. Just admiring the staff here. Very organized, very… visually pleasing.”

Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow, overhearing as well. “Wait, are you all talking about them?” she asked, her tone teasing as she subtly gestured toward you. “Yeah, they’re cute. I noticed earlier.”

You kept your head down, pretending to focus on rearranging the water bottles, but your cheeks were burning. Hearing them talk about you like that, assuming you didn’t understand a word, made your heart race.

Mina joined the conversation with a small, approving nod. “I agree. There’s something… calm about them. It’s nice.”

Jihyo laughed softly. “You all sound like you’re picking a favorite contestant on a reality show. Be professional.” But even she glanced your way with a subtle smile, clearly not immune to the group’s observations.

Tzuyu, ever the quiet observer, finally chimed in. “They do seem kind,” she said simply, her voice soft but sincere.

Sana giggled, leaning closer to Dahyun. “Should we talk to them more? Maybe invite them to hang out later?”

“Stop it,” Nayeon said, feigning exasperation. “They’re working! Don’t make it awkward.”

You busied yourself even more, carefully pretending you had no idea what was being said, but every word made your chest tighten with a mix of embarrassment and giddy disbelief. They thought you were pretty. TWICE thought you were pretty.

“Do you think they know Korean?” Chaeyoung asked suddenly, tilting her head.

“Doubt it,” Dahyun replied. “They haven’t reacted to anything we’ve said.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling. It took everything in you to keep your expression neutral, even as their words replayed in your head.

"Should we test it?" Chaeyoung asked. "Say something outrageous and see if she reacts?"

Jihyo came over and playfully slapped Chaeyoungs arm. "Don't be mean. She's probably just nervous. Leave her be."

She couldn't let it go. Chaeyoung wandered over to you. Your hands meticulously move bottles fractions of inches repeatedly. "You...very busy hun?" She managed in broken English.

You glanced at her, smiled politely, and nodded speaking slower than normal so she could catch more of it. "Yes, keeping things organized for you."

“Good,” she replied, her tone teasing as she switched back to Korean. “So professional. I think we’re making her nervous.”

“You’re making ME nervous,” Nayeon quipped, rolling her eyes. “Stop messing around. You’re going to scare her away.”

Sana, however, seemed utterly unfazed. “But seriously,” she said, her tone lowering as she addressed the group in Korean, “look at her hair and outfit. So well put together. Not to mention her face. It’s impressive.”

Dahyun smirked. “You’re really taken with her, huh?”

“Who wouldn’t be?” Sana shot back. “It’s not every day you meet someone who looks like they walked out of a drama while setting up a snack table.”

This time, you couldn’t help the faint smile that tugged at your lips. You turned your back to them, pretending to check on the fruit tray, hoping they didn’t catch the slight quirk of your expression.

“Did she just smile?” Momo whispered, narrowing her eyes slightly. “I think she might understand us.”

“No way,” Dahyun said, shaking her head. “She’s been quiet this whole time. Probably just coincidence.”

Still, the idea seemed to spark a new level of intrigue among the group. Jeongyeon, who had been sitting quietly, glanced at you and said in English, “You… like music?”

Caught off guard, you hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Me? Yes, I do. Your music is quite good.”

“Thanks,” she said simply, her smile warm but brief. Then she turned back to the group and said in Korean, “See? She’s nice and a fan. Let’s not overwhelm her.”

Tzuyu, who had been observing everything silently, finally spoke up. “Maybe we should invite her to the show later. Watch in the wings,” she said in Korean.

“Really?” Jihyo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Why not?” Tzuyu shrugged. “It’d be a nice gesture.”

You pretended not to hear, focusing on folding some napkins, but your heart felt like it was doing cartwheels. If they followed through with that idea, how were you supposed to stay composed?

Sana waved you over pulled up her translator app and typed out, 'Would you like to watch the show from backstage?' but when the electronic voice read it out in English it came out as 'Do you want to see the show behind the scenes?'

You understood it regardless. You stared at her phone then back at her then back down again and just nodded thanking her. "Really? Yes, yes, please. Thank you."

Momo smirked. "Ok, that was adorable."

Sana grabbed your hands and smiled wide genuinely happy that you seemed so interested. When she let go you scurried back to behind the table blushing like a mad woman with your fingers twirling around each other.

"I stand corrected. That's the cutest thing I've ever seen," Momo said. "Look Sana, you made her all flustered."

You refused to look up now having a convenient reason to be blushy and shy. As you busied yourself with unnecessary adjustments to the napkin display, you could feel the weight of their gazes. The warmth in your cheeks was practically radiating at this point, and no amount of deep breathing seemed to help.

“I think we broke her,” Chaeyoung teased in Korean, earning a chuckle from the group.

“Stop teasing,” Jihyo said, though her tone was more amused than scolding. “She agreed, didn’t she? That’s enough for now.”

Sana beamed, her excitement palpable. “I’ll make sure she gets a good spot,” she declared in Korean, clearly thrilled at the prospect of including you in their world, even if only for a little while.

From your side of the room, you peeked up just in time to see Sana still grinning in your direction. It wasn’t the kind of smile you’d expect from a superstar—it was warm, sincere, and oddly grounding. You managed a small wave, which only seemed to delight her further.

As the group settled into their pre-show routine, the flurry of activity grew. Makeup artists and hairstylists began their work, and the atmosphere shifted into one of focused preparation. You tried to keep out of the way, but the occasional glance or kind word from the members reminded you just how surreal this moment was.

Eventually, Nayeon wandered over, her casual confidence as radiant as ever. “You okay?” she asked in English, tilting her head slightly.

“Yes,” you replied quickly, your voice a touch higher than you intended. “Thank you for asking.”

She smiled, her eyes crinkling with genuine amusement. “Good. Don’t let Sana scare you. She… very friendly.”

You chuckled softly, nodding. “I noticed.”

As the minutes ticked by, the group prepared to head to the stage for their private sound check. Just before they left, Sana turned back to you with a quick wave and an encouraging smile. “See you later!” she said in English, her words simple but filled with warmth.

You nodded, managing a quiet, “See you,” in return. As they filed out of the room, you finally allowed yourself to exhale fully. You leaned against the edge of the snack table, your heart still pounding.

As the green room emptied, the flurry of energy faded, leaving you in a blissful yet surreal calm. Twice had just been standing there, talking to you—not at you, not above you, but like you were part of the team. It felt too good to be true, but the slight ache in your cheeks from smiling confirmed that it was very real.

Still, the thought of being invited backstage for the actual concert was almost too much to process. You replayed Sana’s gesture in your mind—the way she grabbed your hands, her bright smile, the genuine excitement in her voice. It was the kind of thing you’d only dreamed about.

After the soundcheck, your friend finally reappeared, looking as smug as ever. “So? How’s my favorite ‘just helping out for the day’ staff member?” she teased, a knowing glint in her eyes.

“You set me up,” you accused, though there wasn’t much heat behind it.

“I did you a favor,” she shot back, crossing her arms. “Come on, you’re freaking out, aren’t you? You met Twice. They love you.”

You hesitated, debating whether to admit how much you’d overheard. “They were… really nice,” you said carefully. “And, uh, they invited me to watch the show from backstage.”

Her eyes widened, and then she burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you’ve been here, like, two hours, and you’re already besties with Twice? That’s iconic.”

“Stop,” you groaned, but her laughter was infectious. “I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together. I mean, Sana literally held my hands, and Nayeon asked if I was okay, and—” You cut yourself off, realizing you were rambling. “I’m doomed.”

“You’re not doomed,” she said, grinning. “You’re lucky. Do you know how many people would kill to be in your position right now?”

You sighed, shaking your head. “I know, I know. It’s just… overwhelming.”

“Well, get used to it,” she said, clapping you on the back. “Because you’re about to have the best night of your life.”

The hours passed in a blur. You helped with final preparations, making sure everything in the green room stayed tidy and well-stocked. The buzz of the venue grew louder as fans began arriving, their excitement palpable even from backstage. The Twice members returned briefly to grab drinks and snacks, their energy shifting into show mode.

Each of them had a way of preparing—Jeongyeon hummed quietly to herself, Jihyo went over notes with a staff member, and Sana, as bubbly as ever, flitted around the room, checking on everyone, including you. Every interaction, no matter how small, leaves you feeling more grounded in the moment as if this surreal experience was meant to happen.

Finally, it was time for the concert. True to her word, Sana guided you to a spot near the wings where you could see the stage without getting in anyone’s way.

“You okay?” she asked again, her tone light but genuinely concerned.

“Yes,” you replied, giving her a small smile. “Thank you.”

Her face lit up, and she gave you a quick thumbs-up before joining the others. Moments later, the lights dimmed, and the roar of the crowd filled the air. You watched in awe as the members took the stage, their presence electrifying. It was one thing to see them perform on a screen, but witnessing their energy, precision, and charisma up close was something else entirely.

From your spot, you could see not only the performance but also the little interactions between the members—the quick glances, the shared smiles, the subtle nods of encouragement. It was a side of them the audience rarely got to see, and it made the experience all the more special.

As the show went on, you found yourself completely immersed, cheering quietly from the sidelines and feeling a sense of pride for a group you’d admired for so long. When Sana caught your eye mid-performance and winked, you nearly melted on the spot.

By the time the concert ended, you were on cloud nine. As the members came backstage, still buzzing with adrenaline, Sana made a beeline for you.

“So? How was it?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Incredible,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you for letting me watch.”

She grinned, leaning in slightly. “You’re welcome. It was fun.”

Before you could respond, the rest of the group began filing in, offering you nods, smiles, and even a few casual “thank yous” in passing. Nayeon gave you a quick pat on the shoulder as she walked by, and Jihyo offered a warm, “Good job today.”

As the chaos settled and the members started winding down, your friend appeared again, looking thoroughly pleased with herself.

“See?” she said, nudging you. “I told you this would be the best night of your life.”

The post-concert buzz was palpable, with staff bustling around to pack things up while the members of Twice cooled down, chatting amongst themselves. You stayed in your corner, observing quietly, savoring the memories of the night.

You were carefully arranging water bottles on a nearby table when chaos erupted. A loud crash sounded from the other side of the room, followed by the unmistakable sound of hurried footsteps. One of the backstage doors had been flung open, and a man—clearly not a staff member—was charging toward the group of idols.

Everything happened so fast, but instinct kicked in. You spotted him barreling toward Sana, whose back was turned. Without thinking, you shouted in Korean, "Be careful! Behind you!"

Sana turned just in time to see the man, her eyes wide with alarm. Fortunately, security was already on him, tackling him to the ground before he could get any closer. The room erupted in frantic murmurs, staff rushing in to ensure everyone was okay.

Breathing heavily, you looked around to see Twice staring—more specifically, at you. Jihyo was the first to speak, her eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. "Wait… you can speak Korean?"

You froze, realizing what had just happened. There was no hiding it now. With a sheepish smile, you nodded. "Yes… a little."

Nayeon let out a loud laugh, slapping her thigh. "A little? You just spoke perfectly!"

Dahyun looked equal parts impressed and amused. "So, you understood everything we said earlier?"

Your cheeks flushed, and you ducked your head slightly. "Yes, I heard it," you admitted, bracing for their reactions.

Momo clapped her hands together, looking delighted. "Why didn’t you say anything? Do you know how awkward we were being?"

Sana stepped closer, her expression a mix of embarrassment and curiosity. "Then… did you hear when I said you were pretty earlier?"

You nodded, your face growing hotter by the second. “Yes, I heard that too.”

The group exploded into laughter, their teasing and playful remarks blending together. Jihyo shook her head, a fond smile on her face. "You’re amazing. You stayed so quiet this whole time."

Chaeyoung grinned mischievously. "So you did understand when I said something weird, huh?"

Trying to lighten the mood, you shrugged. "I was just trying to focus on my work."

Tzuyu smiled softly, her voice calm amidst the laughter. "And you protected us. Thank you."

Her sincere words seemed to settle the room, and Sana reached out to gently squeeze your arm. "Really, thank you. Because of you, nothing bad happened."

Though the teasing didn’t stop entirely, it took on a more affectionate tone. They were clearly impressed—and grateful. As the night wound down, you couldn’t help but feel like the bond you’d formed with the group had deepened unexpectedly and unforgettably.

The room gradually settled as the adrenaline from the incident ebbed away, leaving only the warm hum of conversation and soft laughter. You busied yourself by tidying up the snack table, partly to distract yourself from the knowing glances and teasing smiles still coming your way. Your face was burning, and you couldn’t meet their eyes for too long without feeling like you might combust.

Sana was the first to approach you again, her usual playful smile tinted with genuine shyness this time. She tilted her head slightly, clasping her hands behind her back as she hesitated before speaking. "Um," she started in Korean before switching to English. “You… very brave. Thank you.”

You waved your hands in front of you, flustered. "It—it was nothing, really. I’m just glad everyone’s okay."

Sana giggled softly. "No, you were really cool." She glanced back at the group, who were all watching the interaction with varying degrees of amusement and encouragement. “Uh… do you… have phone?” she asked hesitantly, her accent adorably thick.

You blinked, caught off guard. “My phone?”

Nayeon, who couldn’t resist jumping into the moment, called out in Korean. "You might as well ask for her number!"

Sana whirled around, her cheeks pink. “Unnie!” she scolded before turning back to you, her bashfulness now painfully evident. “I mean… number? For… talking later?” She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, her confidence faltering.

Your heart was pounding as you fumbled for words. “Oh, um, yeah, sure. I can—yeah.” You pulled out your phone, your hands trembling slightly as you unlocked it and handed it to her. Hopefully, fast enough she didn't realize your wallpaper was her.

Sana quickly typed her number in, then smiled shyly as she handed it back to you. “Text me… sometime?”

Before you could respond, Dahyun chimed in with a sly grin. "Should we invite her to our group chat?"

Momo snickered. "Don’t overwhelm her."

“Maybe,” Sana said, glancing at you with a playful smile before joining the group again, leaving you standing there with her number saved in your phone and a heart racing faster than it probably ever had.

As the evening wound down and the group prepared to leave, several of them waved and offered warm goodbyes. Sana lingered just a moment longer, catching your eye as she gave you a small, almost nervous wave. "Good night," she said softly before disappearing with the others.

You stared at your phone again, the contact glowing on the screen like a dream made real. This was a night you’d never forget—and perhaps, the beginning of something even more extraordinary.

[5sospenguinqueen]

Am I The Problem? | Franco Colapinto x Williams! Reader

Summary: After finding out you were going to be teammates, you and Franco have very different reactions. Franco is prepared to worship the track you race on whilst you do everything to ignore him. Until it becomes impossible to

Warnings: angst, swearing, the loss of a family member, a suggestive comment

Requested: Yes by anon

F1 Masterlist

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williamsracing just posted

liked by jensonbutton, jackdoohan and others

francolapinto dream reality

18,200 comments

williamsracing welcome to the team. we’re so excited to have you become part of the williams family 

user1 so they’re replacing logan, an f2 driver promoted to f1 too soon, with an f2 driver promoted to f1 too soon?

officialmpmotorsport we’re very proud of what you’ve achieved this season, and good luck in f1

user2 this doesn’t feel fair. he’s getting a seat (amazing) but will be paired with a driver who doesn’t want him there

dennis_hauger 👏🏻👏🏻

user3 has anyone checked on yn? she was always so happy to be racing alongside her childhood friend, and now they don’t even get to finish the season together

yn_ln just posted

liked by oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc and others 

yn_ln i knew i was going to have to say goodbye at some point but i never expected it to be so soon. i couldn't have asked for a better teammate but at least you’ll always be my friend. i’ll miss you so much, lo lo, but i will be there supporting you wherever you go next 

23,096 comments

logansargeant 🤍

→ user4 signs of life! 

→ user5 the fact that she is the only person he has responded to

user6 even when she’s devasted, she stays respectful. literally the perfect role model for girls in karting

user7 chat, do we think yn will stay with williams next year?

→ user8 i don’t think she even wants to stay with williams for the rest of the season

→ user9 she looks so miserable any time she’s with them/james vowels

user10 poor franco. she didn’t even congratulate him on any of the posts

→ user11 because she doesn’t have to

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yn_ln posted a new story

logansargeant replied wow so i really am easy to replace → yn_ln lo, no…  → logansargeant how many more times are you going to fall for that? → yn_ln dickhead  → logansargeant the internet was right. you are the personification of satan → yn_ln 🖕🏻🖕🏻

oscarpiastri replied haha the heart eyes are winning you over → yn_ln you can’t say anything, lando lover → oscarpiastri 🙄

user12 replied girl, did you cover up James’ face? 😂

francolapinto replied is that me?? 

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Thumb scrolling down your feed, you couldn't stop the wounded look twisting your face. Numerous tweets glanced back at you, informing you that your teammate’s fans had a very low opinion of you. Was it really a shock that you wouldn’t like journalists hounding your teammate? Had you truly been that mean to him that signs of basic human decency came as a surprise?

The door to your driver’s room was cracked open slightly, allowing you to catch a glimpse of the disconsolate body that shuffled past. A cap covered his usual mop of curls and his head hung low. All he wanted was to hide away in his driver’s room. Away from the hustle and bustle of the garage. All alone. 

“Franco.”

A soft voice broke him from his sorrow. He’d never heard it say his name before, and he’d certainly never heard that gentle tone directed at him. His head snapped up in disbelief. Spinning around, he moved too fast and stumbled slightly. A pink flush decorated his cheeks, realising he’d just embarrassed himself in front of the woman finally talking to him. Your head poked out of the gap between your door and the wall. Almost hesitant to bridge the space between the two of you. You weren’t even fully aware of when you had moved, or decided to talk to him. But here you were, staring at his brown eyes, widened with scepticism.

Committing to your actions, you pushed yourself into the hallway. Unused to such close proximity to you, Franco took two shaky steps back. He could almost feel the wall behind him. 

“I heard about your grandfather. I just wanted to offer my condolences.” Your teeth pulled at your bottom lip. “The media were out of line this morning.” 

“Oh, thank you.” 

Uncomfortable silence stretched between the pair of you. A need to fill it swelled within you.

“Nobody would blame you if you needed the day off. It’s not like we’re going to win any points in the Sprint.”

“I bet you’d like that. A race without me,” his tone was sharp, edged with grief. 

It was a stark contrast to the light, playful timbre you’d become accustomed to hearing around the garage. Hurt briefly flickered across your face, causing him to almost regret his words. But he’d had enough. 

He was tired. He was hurt, and he was not in the mood to be treated like he wasn’t there. Every day he hoped that you would finally speak to him. That you would smile at him, or share the glowing personality you had around the rest of the Grid. When he was still in F2, he’d been lucky enough to spend a day or two with you, and you’d been so warm and inviting. But, the person he was introduced to when he replaced Logan Sargeant hadn’t shown any sign of the person from before. 

“Wait, what? No. Franco, I just… Look, I found out from Twitter and-”

“It’s not like you give me the chance to tell you things in person.” 

Rubbing your hand over your face, you pondered whether you were doing more damage than good. All you wanted was to make amends, and not treat him like shit on a shitty day. Realising you couldn't make things worse, you decided to own up to your less-than-stellar behaviour. 

“Franco, I just wanted to say… I don’t really know what to say. Other than that, I am so incredibly sorry for the way that I’ve acted these past couple of weeks. Believe me, I’m not proud of my actions, and it’s been made very clear to me that I could be ruining your dream.” 

Your feet very subtly shifted closer to him, and his body was acutely aware of the smaller window of space between the two of you. The hairs on the back of his neck raised when the scent of your perfume invaded his nose. He loved that smell. 

“I’ve been so terrible to you. The internet knows that I’ve been terrible to you. And what makes it all that much worse, is that it doesn’t really have anything to do with you.”

Franco watched you inhale deeply before barrelling forward with your heartfelt apology. Your nose had pinkened from the exertion of your speech. Franco decided it was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. 

“The truth is, I was angry. I was angry at the team, and the management, and the way they treated Logan was horrendous. But I didn’t realise that I was then doing the same thing to you, and I’m really sorry. I’m aware that none of this justifies my behaviour or makes it right but I just need you to know how much I regret what I’ve done. You’re so talented, Franco. If you had joined the team at any other time, I would’ve been flattered that you were so excited to be my teammate. I still am and-”

“Querida, breathe.” Franco’s lips curled in the corner. A small smile but the first time he had done so since yesterday. “I get it. You’re sorry. You were still mean though.” 

Your heart fluttered at the affectionate term he’d used. After years of working with Spanish drivers, you’d picked up a few words here and there. Unfortunately, his following words ruined any hope you’d felt. 

Scuffing your shoe against the floor, you avoided looking at him. “I know. I know. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you.”

Franco reached out, taking your hand into his. His palm was warm and heated against your cold, almost clammy one. He was endeared by how nervous you seemed to be. At his touch, your head finally lifted to look at him. You were taken aback when your eyes met his, realising he was already staring at you. 

“You could always give me your seat.” He let out a booming laugh at the look of shock on your face. 

“Oh, I get it, you’re winding me up.” You pushed him away from you but your combined hands just ended up pulling you into him.” 

“I wasn’t lying in those interviews. You really are one of my idols. It’s going to take a bit more than a tantrum for me to be mad at you. However, if you really feel you need to make it up to me, I’m not going to object.” 

A body turned the corner, causing you to leap away from the Argentinian. His eyes twinkled as he did his best to keep his face neutral. You scrambled to compose yourself when John, your physiotherapist, glanced between the two of you. He raised his brows before walking past you and into your driver’s room. 

“You have 30 seconds, Yn, to finish your conversation and get your ass in here.” He closed the door behind him, allowing you some privacy. 

Franco turned to walk away, knowing you liked to run on a tight schedule, and not wanting to infringe on that when you seemed to be making a shaky form of peace.

“Dinner!” You blurted out, voice bouncing off the white plastic walls. 

Staring at his muscular back, you watched his shoulders shake with silent laughter before he turned back to look at you. 

“What about it?” 

“Do you eat it?” How were you making this worse!?

“Yes, every day.” 

He wasn’t making this easy on you. 

“Maybe, if you’re not busy this evening, I could buy you dinner when we get out of here.”

“It would have to be early. I don’t know if you know this but I have a very busy day tomorrow.”

“I think I prefer not talking to you.” 

“I’d love to have dinner with you, Cariño,” Franco smiled, “so long as you don’t spend the entire meal sullenly glaring at me. It seems to be a habit with you.”

An irritated shout of your name sounded from inside your room, reminding you that you were well past your allotted thirty seconds. 

Not wanting Franco to have the last word, you looked at Franco before you entered your room. “I’m not sorry that I snuck an LS2 cap into your pile of hats to sign.”

His face turns from pure adoration to unadulterated offence. “That was you?!” 

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yn_ln just posted

liked by jv.f1, lewishamilton and others 

its_yn my boy 💕

23,431 comments 

williamsracing took team bonding to a new level

→ francolapinto i aim to please 

user13 i knew that episode of team torque was carrying a different kind of tension

→ user14 no because he was so giggly and she was giving him full on banter 

→ user15 let’s not ignore how she kept blushing when she caught him looking at her

user16 she fell victim to the heart eyes

→ yn_ln how could i not? have you seen how intense they are? 

user17 oh no because now how do we tell who the biggest simp is 

francolapinto my lips are still waiting for that kiss

→ yn_ln come here then

→ francolapinto 🏃🏽🏃🏽💋

→ user18 oh no. now we have to deal with this instead 

logansargeant excuse me but where is his shirt in that last picture 

→ oscarpiastri completely scandalous behaviour. reported 

→ yn_ln piss off the pair of you 

→ logansargeant @/oscarpiastri pay up. she did my thing first 

→ oscarpiastri technically she did my thing first 

→ francolapinto she did both in the same day 

→ yn_ln franco!

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requests open. they may just take a while

coming soon; max taste part 3 and toto thirst

tag list

@peachiicherries @rosecentury @c-losur3 @heavy-vettel @evie-119 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @lilorose25 @sillyfreakfanparty @iloveyou3000morgan @justaf1girl

[antiadvil]

hi i don't normally like to do giant appreciation posts because i'm always scared i'll accidentally leave someone out. but it's the end of the year and i appreciate a lot of people so i'll make an exception. this is all off the top of my head so there is probably a heavy recency bias and if you're not included it's not because i don't appreciate you but probably because i can't think of anything specific to thank you for :( i appreciate all of you this year has been so fun and you're all so funny and have been so kind to me and i hope we can have lots of fun together next year too. anyways. it's still december 31st here so i did NOT miss the new year's eve meetup thank you very much.

@manchestereyes thank you for seeing tit with me and returning to phanfic writing this year. the world is truly better for it

@bewareofthenewphannie for helping me with the photosensitivity document for tit even though i got a migraine anyway, that part was probably inevitable

@eveningsausage for encouraging me to recreate the october 19th selfie with my best friend (even though there was an event near the chicago apple store and there were ten million people in there so we got scared and did not do it) (the event was very loud and there were a lot of lights we were very brave about it) and also betaing the one fic i wrote this year that actually had a beta. also haircut advice which i have yet to apply in practice

@emojackolantern for liking all of my twitter posts

@jonsaremembers because i am eating a quesadilla recipe that she sent me right now (god please help me I need that cookbook nowhere near as badly as dan and phil but I do need it) (i am eating a quesadilla made with the recipe. i did not print out the actual recipe and eat the recipe)

@thighguys for leaving like ten comments on my fics in one night, which kept me fed for most of the year

@dnpbeats for writing a hoodie bow incident explainer that i linked to in a fic. i can tell when people read my fic when they like my reblog of that post and now i guess you can too

@danandfuckingjonlmao for all of the accessibility stuff!

@toomanystairs for the bracelet at tit and the offer of a bracelet at mcr next year! i'm really excited :)

@wdapteo for my header! and not my icon anymore because i changed that but they did also make me an icon!

@notsosaucystuff for being the first person i ever did matching icons with (and only person and also we are still matching) (i literally went to go check because i was like omg it would be so awkward if i said we were matching but they changed their pfp like yesterday)

@catboydan for hanging out with me look idk including this on an appreciation list kind of makes it sound like hanging out with me was just a favor and it wasn't but it was a lot of fun and i can't think of a different way to word it lmao

@shiwisins because i reread decaf coffee again today and also for a lot of their other fics but decaf coffee is the one i reread today so it's the one i am most appreciative of

@lessthanpog for also having migraines and commiserating about them, this has been a very bad year for my health (rip) and i needed all of the comisery i could get

honestly so many fic writers i have read so much good fic this year. and so many other people like even if my memory worked well it would be too many to feasibly list before midnight. if you commented on any of my fics i love you. if you left kudos i love you. if you reblogged my jokes and said they were funny i love you. if you did lots of other things i probably love you. etc.

[floralscented]

to, my loves !!

my first and foremost to this post is that i am honestly, truly, from the deepest depths of my heart, grateful for every single one of you. like literally every single person reading this. i recognize SO many of your names consistently in my notifs every time i post and it makes me JUST?? OVERJOYED? THAT PEOPLE LIKE MY STUFF ENOUGH TO KEEP COMING BACK FOR IT? like genuinely thank you???

i literally have been here ... for two to three months? idk. i have no track of time. but it's been barely any time at all, and has felt like it too, from how much fun i've been having and how welcomed i've felt !!! <3 there have been ... some downs LOL but mainly just ups! so many ups! and i cannot wait for 2025 to come so it can only get better!! <3

i'm gonna start off with the very first friend i ever made on here, @jasvtsc. kas, you are literally one of the sweetest people & silliest i've ever met in my LIFE. i was genuinely overjoyed to have had you follow me back in the first place, and then to click with you as easily as we did is something that is still so precious to me. every single interest i've had has somehow been something you like too, even if it felt so niche in my head, and that is so so lovely to me that someone exists out there that just??? gets it??? like i could just say "richard madden's little white streak" and you'd get it. that stuff doesn't just happen every day !!!

now ... my twin n my soul sister, @deansbeer & @titsout4jackles. actually two of the kindest people i've ever met and i am so lucky to be friends with them :( and to have met them :( it's gonna sound repetitive but to be followed by them, was honestly unreal to me. and again, it felt so natural talking to the both of you??? it's an honor to get to see your lovely little marriage, and to be able to call myself part of the unholy trinity. kari, i am convinced our brains are the same, from the ideas we make up together down to every little minute moment that we overthink. bree, you are literally like the big sister i've never had, and honestly never considered even wanting until i met you and couldn't imagine a time without you around.

my beloved @deansbite <3 sammy, i literally feel lucky every day to have gotten to meet you. you are one of the nicest people, and so funny, and so genuine, that it makes me want to be a better person every single day. you are so talented, and i love how your mind works, and it's an HONOR to get to be in your head for even a second. i love you so dearly & i'm so happy to get to have you around and to hold even an ounce of space in your mind. for real thank you for putting up with me and all of your kindness, it means more than you will ever ever know.

@divine-senses erica :( we have been friends since i was a baby! a little preteen i think! and that's so crazy that you have stuck around this long. you have seen many eras of me, a lot of them embarrassing, and i hope you stick around for next year too to see probably EVVEEENNN more embarrassing shit JDKFLSDJ BUT I SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU :( MY ALMOST BIRTHDAY TWIN :(

@deanswidow & @beausling my favorite lil married couple hehehe. I'M SO SORRY FOR ALL THE TIMES I ALMOST BREAK Y'ALL UP JUST BY EXISTING I SWEAR I'LL DO BETTER IN 2025 TRUST !!! jemmy, thank you for putting me in the spn sluts for real. like honestly so life changing to be invited and to meet everyone especially when i was TERRIFIED of it. it was such a welcoming experience and is still so, so lovely to be in there, and it's all because of the way you've cultivated the server. oct, you are literally just one of the funniest, loveliest people in the world. and every time i get a notif that you post something in there, it makes me genuinely so SO happy.

@aileenunfiltered <3 my little wine niece !!!! aileen, i love and adore you so much. you are SO CRAZY AND CHAOTIC and like every single impulsive thought i have in my head, and you DESPERATELY need to write more because you are SO SO GOOD.

@ultravi0lence14 & @ostaramoon. justyce and natasha !!! in my head you guys & me are like a lil trio idk why. literally so talented it's actually crazy. i love coming on and seeing you've posted something new because i know i'm going to eat it up every time. and you're both the sweetest people in the universe???? i desperately need to reach out more to you both because i love you SO much. i feel so lucky to get to call you guys my mooties and my friends !!!!

@jackleslvr ames <3 i'm so happy to have SO RECENTLY GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU??? IT ALREADY FEELS LIKE SO LONG. i also need to talk to you more in 2025, because you are literally the sweetest girl in the world, and getting to talk to you feels like SUCH an honor.

@figthoughts LITERALLLYYYY ONE OF MY TOP INSPIRATIONS ON HERE. and i think one of the first ppl i ever followed?? fig, every single thing you write makes me giddy & every time you have something to say about what i write i'm even more giddy. i am so excited to see what you cook up in the new year.

my honorable mentions <3 @depressionbarbie2023, literally comments on everything i write, which is so crazy bc there is a lot, and always has so much genuine kindness. you have been here since the beginning and i hold so much in my heart for it. @whyyouegg, my MISH :( you are so so so sweet. every time i see you comment on anything i write, it makes me smile because you are SO lovely. @angelblqde, emma you are so genuinely kind. thank you for 1) all the support and 2) just talking to me?? i've said it sm in this post but i mean it i never expected anyone to even WANT to when i started. some of my biggest inspirations, too, that for some reason deemed me worthy to follow @t3l3vangelism & @voidsuites & @eepwtf & @ohsc & @rubyvhs. like thank you??? omfg???? you guys are actually lovely, and so talented. IDK WHAT I DID TO EARN THE FOLLOW BUT REALLY THANK YOU FOR IT. @fallbhind, mae, you are such a sweetpea. thank you for having so much kindness to give, and i cannot wait to talk to you even more in 2025.

and also thanks to everyone for sticking with me throughout everything that happened in this last month LMAOOO. it was a lot !!!! and it means so much that every one of you still fucks w me PLEASEEE. i've been so sappy that now i can't take myself seriously BUT I MEAN EVERY WORD!!!! I'M SURE THERE'S PEOPLE I'M MISSING BUT I TRIED TO GET. EVERY PERSON I COULD. IF I FORGOT YOU I'M SO SORRY. PLEASE 4GIVE ME IN 2025.

i hope you all have the bestest new year in the world, and that i can play even the tiniest part in it in your lives. <3

happy new year !!!! <333

[genderqueerdykes]

I've probably spent too much time in online queer circles lately, but this has been bothering me for a while, and I wanted to get your take on it. The tma/tme dichotomy doesn't make any sense to me. I'm a perisex gender non-conforming post-transition trans man, but I actually like presenting feminine now, and if I were to be clean shaven and go outside in feminine clothing and/or makeup, I have no doubt people would think I'm a trans woman and treat me accordingly. I would be the subject of transmisogynistic treatment, which is the exact opposite of "transmisogyny exempt", the way people who use those terms seem to categorize me by virtue of being a trans man. It makes me hesitate to present how I want to, because I'd be ridiculed by both bigots and the trans community, both for being affected by transmisogyny and "not" being affected by it. I don't understand how those terms even came to exist and be taken seriously in the trans community, because it feels like terf talking points. I thought the community was better than this? What happened to solidarity, intersectionalism, and acceptance? I don't believe for a second that people who use tma/tme haven't considered feminine trans men, since that's one of the primary targets it's used to mock. Do you know what started all this and what we can do about it to bring the trans community back together again?

it just doesn't make sense because transmisogyny doesn't exist in a vacuum. it's weaponized against gay men, cis men, trans men, bi men, intersex people, nonbinary people, genderfluid people, genderqueer people, cis women, women in general... it affects a lot of people

as an intersex person who gets clocked as both a trans woman and trans man depending on the setting, transmisogyny really doesn't exist in a vacuum. as i increase the dose of my testosterone, more and more people assume i am a trans woman. it happens constantly no matter how i try to present. i am a trans woman. but that's not my only gender. this shit doesn't make any sense

the general public doesn't really know what a trans man is. shocker, i know. the online community is obsessed with trans men. meanwhile in real life, it's crickets. to the average queerphobe, trans women are what they picture in they head when they think of a trans person. they dont really know anything beyond that. some do, and they can be shittier than average. but in real life whenever someone does something transmisogynistic to you, they are almost always perceiving you as a trans woman no matter what your identity really is

also people are literally just using tme/tma to reinvent the afab/amab binary like. they're literally just asking you for what genitals you were born with. it's creepy and gross. that's all they care about it. "tme" to them means afab. "tma" to them means amab. don't fall for their trap. it's designed to figure out your agab and nothing more.

[leonakingschlar]

Lion's mane. ✂️

A short Fic of GN!Reader x Leona Kingscholar, doing his hair together. Originally posted on a TWST Community!

Leona groans as the sun filters through his curtains, the dust and such avaliable to see due to it. Hot and stuffy he sits up with blurry eyes and messy hair, practically rolling off his bed as he trudged to the windows, pushing them open lazily with a toothy yawn, his canines out for show as he did so. With that done he sits back down in bed, looking around for his phone he fell asleep with hours earlier. He finds in on the floor and lays back down with it, scratching his stomach with his free hand before turning on his phone.

Greeted by a litter of messages from Ruggie asking stupid questions, then correcting his spelling mistakes in a previous message- It's really just useless. With a huff he clicks out of Ruggies profile and scrolls through his contacts, finding the one saved as 'Herbivore.' and flicking through. It was an assortment of messages from you, saying good-morning or sending him his school scheldule for the day. After texting you back with a few lame stickers and short sentences like, AT 10:24 AM - FRIDAY "Thanks. Lunch at 1. Come to the gardens." AT 10:26 AM - FRIDAY "Icl, I'm so fuckin' tired." AT 10:30 AM - FRIDAY "Will do! Have a good day Leona, hope you wake up better. <3" He puts down his phone, letting out another loud and obnoxious yawn as he gets up and walks to his bathroom..- However. When he see's his hair in the mirror he get's a bit of a shock. braids undone and hair tangled with his hairties, a knot or three easily spotted. Leona took pride in his hair, and this..was not something he likes. With a groan he pulls out his phone again, calling you up immediatley. As he waited for you to arive he angrily, and a bit agressivley showered, attempting to brush his hair- only to hiss and growl in pain. At this point he's just accidentally ripping hair out and filling up his brush, tail fwipping back and forth in annoyance as he sits on his bed with a groan, wet hair dripping onto his blanket and shirt. His sulking is interrupted by a knock at the door. With a growl he opens it up, met with the obvious sight of you. His hair is a mess..tangled and dripping, the look on his face in unimpressed and upset, on the edge of angry.

"..Herbivore." He muttered with gritted teeth, clearly fed up with his own hair as he stepped aside for you to walk in. "Leona..What, happend?" You said softly, blinking in confusion at the man, stiffling a laugh because of his drenched-kitty appearance, his ears flat and pressed against his own head. "I slept..messily." He grunted in response, scratching his messy hair. You smile, eyes crinkling in amusement as you approach, observing his tangled hair and gently pulling little bits apart with your fingers. "Is that so? and I'm assuming you want help." You chuckle. He makes a face, huffing again. "Yes. I want help."

"Alright then..let's get to work.."

You gently tug on the tangles and twists in Leona's hair, causing him to shout, "OWH!" he snarls, sitting in a chair facing the mirror in his bathroom as you brush his hair. His tail was now swishing around in annoyance. You offer him a sympathetic look, cringing slightly everytime the brush got caught. Leona was making a low growling noise in his throat the whole time as you fixed up his hair. "Sorry.." You had to say softly, combing your fingers through his hair, causing the man to let out a happy growl. "It's untangled now.." You assured. To that he grunted and stood up, shaking his hair unruly and putting his own fingers through it- Shedding all over his own clothes, making you laugh quietly. "So..what hairstyle do you want to do?" You ask innocently, only to be swiftly answered. "Braids." You sigh boredly.

"Seriously..try something new." Leona turns his nose up, huffing at you. "Why should I." He mutters. "Well..isn't having braids in what made your hair all messy and tangled?" He stops for a moment, exhaling through his nostrils as he turned his head to face you, giving you an almost pouty look of acceptance as he pursed his lips. "..Fine." Leona muttered to your joy "Yay!". You two sat on Leona's bed, the beastman has his legs crossed, allowing you to gently tug and stroke his hair, styling it. "..What're you doing?" Leona said curiously, ears and tail twitching. "A braid, but just one." Leona stayed quiet, letting you work. It seemed he was drifting off, relaxed from the gentle touches and sun coming through the windows onto his face added to the subtle pleasure.

"Done." You eventually spoke softly, tying up the end of his now braided hair and pulling away. Leona stood up and trailed to the mirror, moving his newfound braid to the front of his chest, admiring it quietly. "Not bad, Herbivore..Maybe you can do my hair some other time, huh?" Leona said with a growing smirk, he attempted to feign nonchalant- Though his tail spoke otherwise as it wagged back and forth.

That week, Leona called you over asking you to do his hair more often.

[sysmedsaresexist]

what are your thoughts on the community theory that autism may cause more fictives?

I come to you, anon, a broken man. I am in shambles. My life has been ripped apart.

I just spent a straight hour writing a response. It was a beautiful response, with sources, and pretty colors, and oh, about 2k words.

And it's all gone.

BUT!!! I, Quill, am not one to be discouraged. I'm going to redo this. FROM THE TOP!!!! (and now saving draft every 5 seconds istg-)

TL;DR: I really genuinely love the theory and think it has a lot of merit. However, I also really disagree with how some parts of the community handle this theory, and the stereotypes of autistic systems that come from it.

Alright. Mod Quill here, yes, I am an autistic system, currently a bit itchy inside because I should've been almost done this post and nearly into my latest fixation (don't starve together), and instead I'm rewriting this all and delaying my gratification. I am being so strong and brave right now.

[EDIT, before I actually get started, now that I'm done my ramble: in the following essay, I discuss introjection as a whole, rather than just fictives. I personally only have fictional introjects, but we all absolutely despise the term fictive being used on our system, so we avoided the term.]

Let's start with the fact that introjection is incredibly normal. My GOAT, Piaget, discusses at length how schema develops, and that's based a lot in introjection. Introjection, as a concept, is the idea that we, as people, unconsciously take on the beliefs, personality traits, sometimes even emotions of those around us. This can be for a lot of reasons.

Introjection (Defense Mechanism) was an interesting article I found discussing this idea, especially as it discusses introjection VS internalization, identification, and incorporation. Basically, when y'all try to find good articles online about introjection, those other words are usually fair game as well. This article is largely setting out to define various types of introjection. It describes normal introjection (bringing up Piaget, love that guy, he's my main man as a teacher) and brings up how introjects (i.e. the emotions/traits/beliefs/etc) can be distorted via fantasy. When that happens, it's considered secondary identification, and (she cites Freud here but I am not going digging more for MORE research atm), "Such secondary identification aims to reduce feelings of separation and hostility, and increase feelings of closeness, between the self and the external object, and thus it is regarded as a defense mechanism." So, in basic terms, introjection as a coping mechanism is often meant to reduce separation and increase closeness between an individual and the object of their introjection.

This can be seen very readily in CDDs. For instance, a hypothetical child is seeking more secure attachment with an abusive parental figure; they then form a dissociative part that is literally that abusive parental figure, making that person a part of them. This is a highly pathological defense mechanism.

So where does autism come in? Well... It's a disorder featuring:

A constant feeling of loneliness or ostracization for many individuals (discussed here)

A feeling of requirement for masking or mimicry of others in order to fit in (discussed here)

Diagnostic criteria that clearly show an inability to connect with others, rigid thinking patterns (akin to a fixed-mindset, just musing here), and an inability to maintain healthy relationships.

So... autistic CDD systems would then be individuals with a dissociative disorder, who (due to their autism) often report feeling more disconnected with themselves than their peers, who already rely on imitation as a conscious form of survival in an attempt to achieve closeness...

So you mean to say, Autistic CDD Systems Introject More???? HUH.

It's spelled out right there. It's fairly blatantly obvious. And genuinely, I don't think anyone was really doubting this. I don't think anyone is really out here saying that autistic people don't experience significant dissociation/introjection.

However, there's a lot of people recently shouting to the hilltops that there's no proof that autistic systems experience higher amounts of introject alters. And...

Duh? Obviously? There's already a significant lack of research into introjects in CDD systems. Why on earth would they then skip forward to research into introjects in autistic CDD systems? The medical world isn't going to skip around like that -- particularly, well... because why would they even research this to begin with?

Genuinely, I think that's my frustration with the recent discourse about this topic. There really is no reason, in my eyes, why the medical world should focus on this topic. What benefit would it have for patients? Introjects are simply another form of alter, same as any other. I suppose, potentially, it could lead to more ideas on how to help autistic CDD systems with their introjects in particular, but... is it that much different than just treating autistic CDD systems as a whole?

There's really no reason to be so up in arms about this idea. You're not going to be getting proof that this theorized correlation is actually scientifically valid; that's just not going to be happening anytime soon, unless someone has a really invested interest in autistic CDD introjects.

However...

HOWEVER!!!!!

That also does not mean I necessarily agree that every autistic system is like this. Because, for instance, I am not like this.

If you don't know, hi, I'm Quill, a mixed-origin CDD system featuring 15 parts. The origins aren't really important to this conversation, but we like to use accurate labels. We have 4 introjects, all of whom are fictional in nature. One is very close to source, one is so separated we forget she's an introject, and the other two are somewhere in the middle. And, despite what most people would assume, as I am a level 2 autistic individual as well as a system...

Only one of those introjects is from a hyperfixation of ours -- one that was brief, lasting only about 2 days, and that has never caught me up again -- and she's the one who immediately source separated.

Now, I am someone who struggles with hyperfixations. I scream internally while I autistically click the next 5 hour FNAF marathon when I'm supposed to be grading. I know so much lore. But yet, despite the sheer number -- undertale, MLP, FNAF, Petscop, most recently DST -- I haven't split introjects from any of those fixations.

And, well, that makes sense. Because introjection isn't just about attachment to an object. It's about taking something you need from that object. And it's unconscious in most cases.

(Semantically, I suppose that means that introject isn't really the best term for created parts who are fictional in nature, but I do not care about semantics all that much when it comes to people's self-identified labels in a minority group).

So, in the cases of my introjects:

At a time when we felt incapable, angry, and confused, we split a confident, strong, and (healthily) angry part.

At a time when we felt we were at risk of losing everyone and everything because we couldn't keep them happy, we split a character who found her lost loved ones and kept everyone happy.

At a time when we felt we needed distance from our conflicting emotions, we split someone who canonically has never been conflicted.

At a time when we were in desperate need of love, we split someone we knew would seek that love out without fail.

It wasn't based on our hyperfixations; it was based on our needs.

I think that large swaths of the system community online forgets that CDDs are borne of childhood trauma. Splits in CDD systems are caused by trauma-responses* -- you're stressed out, so your brain puts what you need to handle that stress (such as the memory of the event, the feelings you need to handle it, the personality traits that would be helpful) into a new part. In the case of introjection, a CDD brain is still doing that -- it just relies on a blueprint provided by the world around them. In the cause of autistic systems, I think they find it especially easy to rely on those blueprints.

I mean, autism comes with its own difficulties with personhood, dissociation, and lack of feeling like oneself. There's evidence to indicate that, rather than an autobiographical sense of self based on seamless memories, autistic individuals lean toward a patchwork sense of self. Extend that to CDD systemhood, an inherently dissociative, traumatic experience that comes with memory problems that further prevent autobiographical self memory, and you've got a compelling reason why introjecting whole characters (with themes and narratives that fit the experiences trying to be integrated) might be more common in autistic systems.

And... all of that -- all of the nuance, all of the discussion of trauma and the inherent struggles of being autistic -- somehow has been boiled down repeatedly, on both sides of the argument, to "Autistic systems split more introjects because they hyperfixate."

This idea led to me feeling completely isolated in system communities. I found myself in groups with the following (incredibly limited) views on autism and systemhood:

Introjects are not more common with autism at all, and anyone saying so is spreading misinformation.

Introjects only split due to traumatic experiences, and autistic people experience more trauma than others, so they split more introjects.

Introjects split more frequently in autistic systems due to hyperfixations, so if you're really autistic, you have more introjects.

And... none of these are right. All of them lack nuance, and all of them patently ignore the facts about trauma and how it impacts the brain in CDDs.

Based on the community experiences I've seen, there is a blatant correlation between autism and introjects. To ignore that correlation is to be blind to the community entirely. However, to say the correlation is only due to hyperfixation is to ignore many, many other possible reasons why autistic systems split more introjects -- of which my post only addressed some potential reasons -- and, in doing so, isolates many systems. It also stereotypes autism to hyperfixation, which is only one of the thousands of potential sprinkles on someones autism sundae, and leaves some individuals (such as myself) feeling even further isolated.

(And to suggest that it is because autistic people experience "more trauma" than others is to begin the 2025 Trauma Olypmics, and I refuse to entertain a torch bearer for those particular games.)

I understand where many individuals are coming from when they express frustration over the theory; I've been in that exact position myself, demanding proof of the correlation due to my own isolation from the community. And, with a disorder that already, inherently, feels so isolating already, on top of another disorder with its own share of isolating feelings...

I just desperately hope that people can be open to others experiences. I think it's entirely possible that someone attaches so firmly to a hyperfixation that they split a new part from it. I also think the theory I presented here -- that autistic individuals introject more readily due to a propensity for introjection in part borne of trauma -- is also entirely possible. I think there's thousands of possible explanations, and I think there's thousands of "right answers."

And I also think that none of this matters beyond a simple intellectual curiosity, and coming to understand myself more. I wrote all of this up due to my passion for the subject. I am autistic, and I want to be seen, and heard, and I want people to understand it more. I want people to broaden their perspectives and maybe see someone else's shoes, even if they aren't comfortable wearing them yet.

If another system is like mine, yay! If another system is unlike mine, yay! Regardless, every system is unique -- just like how every representation of autism is unique. And I think we should find beauty in the theories that present themselves, and enjoy the ideas more than the outcomes.

Fun additional reading that came up in the process of my buzzing about this for multiple hours:

Experiencing Self and Others: Contributions From Studies of Autism to The Psychoanalytic Theory of Social Development -> According to a friend (paraphrasing a tiny bit), "the abstract, in my reading, is basically saying that comparing autistic and non-autistic kids can help us understand more about how theory of mind and mental modeling of others can develop, particularly in relevancy to concepts of internalization/introjection." They did read through the whole article (while also warning me to never use scihub) and indicated for me that this really doesn't discuss autism in correlation to introjection, and even seems to suggest that autistic people can't introject (in the non-pathological sense) due to their inability to connect to others. (I genuinely think this is in direct opposition to the first study I mentioned, about how introjection is a defense mechanism, especially as autistic people experience significant amounts of trauma due to their disorder anyways.)

Making the thought thinkable: On introjection and projection -> Can only access the first page, which discusses a bit about echlalia and inner worlds. However, the title makes me curious about what this could offer in terms of the Autistic System Introjects Debate(tm). I want to go digging a bit more to see if I can get around the paywalls on this. This is a complete wild card to me.

Whose memories are they and where do they go? Problems surrounding internalization in children on the autistic spectrum -> A very interesting article that came up while my friend was reading the Experiencing Self article. Again, I cannot access anything but the abstract myself (fucking pAYWALLS) but it's promising. Here's a quote: "The author suggests that, instead of internalizing shared experiences leading to growth, children with autism can feel that they add to themselves by taking over the qualities of others through the ‘annexation’ of physical properties that leads to a damaged object and can trigger a particular sort of negative therapeutic reaction." (Emphasis mine) Friend suggests full article is a goldmine. I'll leave that for you all to go digging for, if you'd like to know more.

(*Footnote: I mean splitting in the most basic, CDD medical understanding of the disorder way possible. Obviously, as a mixed-origin system, I understand there's more than one way to split a part than simply through traumatic/stressful experiences.)

[forbebeandjam]

New Year Love | Bada Lee x Fem Reader | fluff

Summary: the young and famous dancer decided to have a new life with you by her side.

Word count: 1.3k

Fluff and some angst (just a little bit)

A/N: sorry I didn’t post this sooner. I had been trying to get my life together before I have to go back to work. I usually have to make sure what I’m writing isn’t rushed but anyway! Hope you like this 🤍

~

"Get the fuck out of my house! All you do is cause trouble anyway," Your mom said as she threw your things out of the house.

The reason behind her actions began when you decided to join a dance studio to learn dance. That had always been your dream. However, you couldn't afford it. You were only eighteen years old and you had gotten fired from your job.

It's not like it was your fault. You were trying to balance your studies, two jobs, and taking care of your little sister. Your parents lived off you and you hated it, but you loved your sister so you put up with it.

Until you had enough. You told your mom how tired you were of having to choose between, work, school, and your sister. You told her you wanted to go to school and dance and she... she laughed.

You didn't expect more from her and then she threw you out of the house. With nowhere to go and teary eyes, you picked up your things, shoved them in your bag, and walked to your school.

You sat on a bench near the entrance and hugged your body tightly. December 31st never felt so lonely and cold as that night. Then you felt someone sit next to you.

You froze in terror thinking it was probably a creepy man or a guy from school that came to mess with you when a light turned on. Then you saw her face and you were too shocked to say anything.

"What brings you here?" She said as she sniffled and dusted the snow off her coat. You furrowed your brows in confusion. Bada. Lee Bada was talking to you. The same girl who was in your class for years but never acknowledged you. The girl who everyone praised for being on TV several times because of her amazing choreographies.

"Cat got your tongue? Come on Y/N. You're usually so talkative around Dami. Why not with me?" She said with a small chuckle. Then you caught a glimpse of her eyes. Red and puffy. She had been crying and she just needed someone to talk to.

"Well, I guess this isn't the perfect place to spend New Year's but, it's better than the place I used to call home," she shrugged and hugged yourself a bit more trying to hide your coldness from her.

"Did you feel out of place too?" You asked again. You could feel droplets of sweat dripping down your forehead.

"Yeah... people rarely see me for who I am nowadays. They all focus on my future and fame. I can't have one moment to myself and when I do, I hear the whispers of people talking about how they can take advantage of my name. It's very lonely," she said and her shoulders relaxed a bit.

"Wouldn't it be nice to run away to a place where no one can mess with your peace? That's my New Year's resolution. Move away from my parents," there was a small pause after she finished her words.

"What about you, Y/N?" She said and tired to you.

"Gosh... you're freezing," she said and placed her coat around your shoulders. She zipped it up carefully and her hand graced your face. She flinched and her eyes were filled with worry.

"You're burning up. I need to get you to a hospital," she said. You could barely open your eyes but you managed to tell her you couldn't afford it.

"Don't worry about that. We need to go now. Get on," she crouched down in front of you and you weakly got in her back. She picked up your things and began walking to the street to look for a cab.

Once you were in the hospital you seemed to have lost consciousness. When you woke up it was daytime. The light of the room was shining on your eyes and you groaned. Your throat felt itchy and you had a headache.

"Happy New Year, Y/N," Bada said as she entered the room.

"Bada, what are you doing here?" You asked.

"I tried to contact your family. They cursed at me and told me you were dead to them... I'm sorry," she said as she placed food in front of you.

"If you pity me because of the rumors running around school, drop the act. I hate when people pity me. I'll manage on my own," you told her and looked away as your eyes filled with tears.

But the tall girl didn't leave. She sat next to you. You didn't dare to look at her. It was the only time someone gave you attention without having to ask for it.

"You still don't get it.." she said.

"Get what?" You asked, feeling curious about her words.

"I've always wondered why you were so distant. How can your pretty eyes can carry so much love and so much pain at the same time? How can you always be awake despite all of the things you do in a day?" She said.

"How do you-"

"I've been watching you. Ever since you transferred to this school I thought you seemed pretty cool. I wanted to be your friend so bad but you never seemed to care about anything other than your school work. After hearing the rumors about you, I knew your life was pretty difficult and I didn't want to make things harder for you so I decided to stay away from you," she paused.

You couldn't believe it. All of the things Bada just said were spinning in your head. You tried to make sense of them but you couldn't. There was no way Bada, The Bada Lee, wanted to be your friend.

"You... Why? Why did someone like you even acknowledge someone like me? People try to stay away from me because of my parents. They think I am like them. You never once thought of me as someone like that?" you asked still in disbelief.

"Never. I knew that you had a hard life and that you didn't deserve it. And I knew what your eyes were hiding. I'm sorry I didn't try to approach you and sprinkle a bit of happiness when you needed it,"

"I don't know what to say. It's gonna take time for me to heal but... I'd really love for you to stick around," you responded not looking at her eyes.

You felt a warmth around your hand realizing that it was her hand.

"I'll never leave you. Never," she said and you finally looked at her. That smile. That sweet sweet smile of hers just made it 100 times clearer. You never wanted to be away from Bada.

(A year later)

And there you were. After she finished school, you two went to live in a different city. You were both thriving with success and you moved in together. Just the two of you in your shared apartment as roommates.

It was evident that the two of you had fallen for each other but neither dared to say a thing. How could you ruin something so perfect with such a vague feeling?

So you say at the dinner table looking out of the window to see all the pretty fireworks. You leaned your head on her shoulder and she hugged you tightly.

"Happy New Year, my love," she said. You lifted your head and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Did you..."

"Call you, my love? I did. I want everything with you. I want to kiss you and hug you and help you heal. I want to give you the world and care for you. I want to spend my New Year's with you like this. So, please say yes and be mine?" She said as tears filled her eyes.

You didn't say anything but launched yourself into her arms and kissed her. Softly, then passionately.

You couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. Something so painful as that night turned into something beautiful in the course of a year and you swore that was all you needed to be happy.

You couldn't wait for a lifetime of love and happiness next to Bada.

Thank you for reading 🩵

[loredrinker]

Tearing Down the Veil - Solas, Immortality, and the Chaos of Mortals

In further exploring Solas coming into form through lyrium before the Veil existed, something occurred to me that got me thinking about immortal time vs mortal time. (My Solas thoughts are always shifting.)

Solas's mission to tear down the Veil didn’t actually exist until we’re introduced to him in Inquisition. We are led to believe that while Solas purposefully created the Veil to banish the Evanuris and the Blight, he did not foresee the devastation it would create ("...a wound inflicted upon this world. It must be healed").

So, in reality, from Inquisition to Veilguard, Solas has only held this mission for a total of about 12–14 years - which, in comparison to his previous life of up to 8000 years and 1000 in deep sleep, is hardly any time at all (I am not ignoring how his previous regrets would affect him, just keeping this as simple as possible for this post). 

In this previous post, I explored what his time in Uthenera may have been like. I thought he might have been active in the Fade, but after just finishing Trespasser (again), thoughts have changed. 

Solas tells the Inquisitor in Trespasser, “The orb had built up magical energy while I lay unconscious for millennia.”  

So, questions/thoughts:  

"Unconscious" refers to a state in which a person is not awake and not aware of their surroundings or themselves. In Solas’s context, when he says he was "unconscious for millennia," wouldn't it suggest then that he spent 1000 years unaware of everything happening in the world?  

What was Solas’s unconscious state like? Was he completely unaware, or could he reflect within the Fade? His description of “dark and dreaming sleep” suggests he may have perceived ripples in the Fade, reflecting the chaos of the world. Perhaps he became gradually more aware as his awakening approached, though "unconscious" implies some level of disconnection.

I initially wondered if the killing of Felassan occurred while Solas was in Uthenera, but the timelines don’t align. The Masked Empire ends just before Inquisition, making it likely that Solas killed Felassan in the year before the Temple of Ashes explosion. This would have been a highly emotional moment, marking his first year in this new world.

If Solas spent 1,000 years unconscious (or semi-aware), then no shit his awakening in modern Thedas is an intense shock.

Which aligns with his description of waking in a world that felt “tranquil”. It also explains his decision to approach a Dalish clan to reveal himself - only to be met with threats of violence and rejection. It suggests that Solas wasn’t fully caught up on Thedas’s history or the Dalish’s disconnection from their roots and how history had reshaped them. These were supposed to be his people. Small wonder he carries bitterness toward them throughout Inquisition. 

Now, Solas is faced with the horrifying consequences of the Veil, burdened by a new and excruciating regret. If he was unconscious for millennia, he likely jumped back into the Fade upon awakening to uncover everything he’d missed. When he tells the Inquisitor about the battles of Ostagar, he’s recounting what he learned from the Fade, piecing together history during his first year awake.

It’s speculative, but plausible, that he studied the world’s changes extensively through the Fade - gathering insights on different factions, cultural shifts, and political landscapes. He may have also consulted spirits, seeking to understand how the Veil had twisted them over time. Quite the busy year - and with time functioning differently in the Fade, it’s possible he could have absorbed a good amount of knowledge in a relatively short span. And as I suggested earlier, it’s also possible that as he neared his awakening, he began to perceive more.

So, the world he once knew is gone, and the consequences of his actions are catastrophic. 

Tearing down the Veil becomes his new mission - not a goal forged over centuries, but one born of immediate and overwhelming regret. How could it not? Because of him, the elves and spirits lost everything. 

Add the fact that he is living in modern Thedas, navigating a timeline vastly different from his timeless, immortal existence.  Naturally, it begs exploration.

Immortal Time vs Mortal Time 

Solas now lives in a world of mortals - a world where time is compressed and perceived differently through a mortal lens. 

For a mortal: 

Ten years is a significant portion of life. For a 30-year-old, it represents one-third of their existence.  

The briefness of mortal life lends a constant urgency to decisions; ten years is a narrow window, carrying immense pressure to achieve goals, foster relationships, or experience growth.

Memories are shaped by a finite brain, which can create the sensation of time passing faster as life progresses.  

For an immortal: 

Ten years might feel like a brief moment in the vast expanse of their existence. To someone who has lived for millennia, a decade to an immortal could feel as a single season does to a mortal. 

Time for immortals would be more likely measured in milestones, not years and there would be an absence of a fixed endpoint. Without the pressure of a ticking clock, serious actions could be delayed for careful years of planning, viewing a decade as barely a delay at all.

Immortals, with an infinite capacity for memory, might not experience the passage of time as mortals do. Memories unmarked by significant emotions (intense regret or joy) could fade away becoming indistinguishable from a vast expanse of their existence.

Through fiction and media, we are told how immortals perceive time differently. Without the looming pressure of mortality, immortals can take the time to plan, reflect, and deliberate - luxuries that mortals can't afford. 

Solas – Forced into Compressed Timelines 

Solas previously lived in a world of endlessness. Even massive, horrible events, like the war against the Titans, the rebellion against the Evanuris, unfolded over long arcs of time.  He could carefully plan rebellions, build alliances, and execute long-term strategies without concern for immediate deadlines.  If a decision led to disaster, he could step back, reevaluate, and take a century to rebuild if necessary.  Imagine how long it would have taken him to plan the ritual to banish the Evanuris – and then execute it?  

Solas had centuries to adapt to change, to plan.

But in modern Thedas? Mortal time? Solas is thrust into a world where time moves quickly. The lifespan of these mortals means alliances and relationships are fast and fleeting, and any delay risks losing key opportunities or allies - as well as risks of unforeseen curveballs.

I imagine the pace of change in a mortal-dominated world compared to the cadence of an immortal existence would feel relentless.  For someone accustomed to thinking in terms of centuries rather than a year or two, this rapid tempo could be dizzying, even destabilizing. It sheds light on some of his mistakes and misjudgments - he simply doesn’t have the centuries he’s used to for recalibration. The constant need to react and adapt could prevent him from fully processing his doubts or mistakes, like seeing potential future consequences or that there might be another way forward. And it seems he wants to work fast to tear down the Veil, in the beginning he probably can't stand living in this new world.

Since tearing down the Veil isn’t a millennia-long goal but a relatively recent mission, and because he is now operating within a faster-paced, mortal timeframe, it becomes entirely plausible for Solas to be thrown off course - and for his mind to shift. And we see him being thrown off course repeatedly. He is forced to recalibrate and remain fluid in the face of unpredictability: 

"It wasn't supposed to happen this way"  "I could not foresee..."  "I had plans..."  "When he survived, my plans were thrown into chaos." 

This compressed timeline robs him of the luxury of infinite time and careful deliberation. The immediacy of interactions and its pace force Solas into a reactive state, disrupting his certainty and positioning him to being open to changing it. 

Other factors at play? 

He is physically vulnerable now, weakened and far from his full power. This vulnerability forces him to rely more heavily on strategy, manipulation, and alliances - skills he mastered but now must deploy with urgency and limited resources. 

For the first time in his existence, Solas must also conceal his identity. In the ancient world, he had no reason to hide who he was. In modern Thedas, however, his initial attempt to reveal himself to a Dalish clan ended badly. What would this have felt like for him? To see the stories about him so twisted, his people fragmented and hostile, and to realize that he must now hide who he is? 

Solas has to now operate from the shadows, finding agents and using the Fade to manipulate minds and make connections. He orchestrates getting the orb into Corypheus’s hands to unlock it. Corypheus’s survival and the Inquisitor gaining the Anchor throw everything into chaos - again - forcing Solas to react - again.  

He recalibrates, pivots. He investigates the explosion, offering his services, but now, after the Dalish incident, he knows he can’t reveal his true identity. Solas must understand the situation, study the Inquisitor who holds the Mark, and observe the world he now inhabits. This leads him to join the Inquisition. 

Life for this immortal continues to move at a fast speed. The chaos and unpredictability of modern Thedas - and the mortals who inhabit it – seem to continuously throw him off balance. It’s no wonder we meet a Solas who is guarded, observant, thoughtful, and careful. He even admits to the Inquisitor, “You throw me so easily,” - an acknowledgment of how unsettled he is. 

Solas in a Constant State of Flux 

From Inquisition to Veilguard, Solas seems to be in a constant state of flux, and this ongoing reaction and disruption can become fertile ground for change. It forces adaptability, disrupts entrenched beliefs, and opens pathways to new perspectives. Constant flux pushes someone to operate outside their habitual framework - else they succumb to despair. But Solas never crumbles. He is nothing if not resilient and persistent in his goal (pride is stubborn). 

A reactive state is also usually emotionally charged. Being reactive demands constant observation and quick decision-making, while a state of flux necessitates collaboration and communication with others. For Solas, this means engaging and working with mortals in crisis - and crisis forges bonds. 

You know what I find hilarious? Solas telling Rook it took him centuries to build bonds during his rebellion, but when Rook asks about the Inquisition, Solas is like, “Yeah, I made friends, created bonds and grew fond of a bunch of them despite myself (maybe even fell in love) - IN A GODDAMNED YEAR". Don’t tell me this constant flux didn’t affect him. 

Perhaps this is why he goes into isolation after Trespasser (addressing the shift from agents flocking to his cause to him suddenly being alone). He knows he can’t have anyone around who might create further disruptions or entanglements - because those connections threaten to throw him off course yet again. 

And this whole time in the 10 years after Trespasser, he knows he's being hunted – so he needs to stay one step ahead to get to his ritual.  But then Varric and Rook show up, bringing more disruptions and forcing Solas to react once again. Killing Varric, Rook throwing his plans into chaos - forced into a literal prison where he can't do anything (where all he can do is think and reflect). Rook's appearance pushes Solas further off balance. The improvisation of Rook is great because it continually derails Solas’s efforts to dig in, as external forces keep dragging him out of the certainty he’s trying to cling to. 

And then, at the very end, Rook delivers the final blows: reminding Solas that he doesn’t get to choose for the entire world, throwing the Inquisitor at him - a respected friend or love from his recent past (and to an immortal, 10 years might as well be a year) - and then Mythal (and we all know his reaction there – UGH). He’s thrown again, raw and exposed. 

His 12–14 years of certainty that the Veil must come down, lived amidst the constant flux and disruption of mortal lives, filled with heightened emotions and entangled relationships, gradually wore away at that conviction. We see this unravel throughout the games - his evolving thoughts and shifting perspectives.

And maybe those sobs at the end aren’t just about the culmination of everything or the release of being free. Maybe they’re also because he finally sees it - the truth he’s been blind to. A truth revealed through one chaotic moment and mortal relationship at a time. Blind, because the compressed timeline of mortals forced him to act so quickly, leaving little room for the reflection he once had in abundance: that another path could exist.

Always open to other thoughts and perspectives - my ideas are constantly evolving. I’m also not suggesting Solas isn’t deeply reflective; his immortality has honed that skill over millennia. I’m simply speculating that, compared to the endless time he once had, the modern world would give him less room to reflect.