#but also. Twilight is still super weird for that.

[dungeonmalcontent]

Twilight, but it's a reexamination of the way elves age in most fantasy universes.

"I know what you are. You're skin is pale and you're unbelievably fast."

"Not that fast. Marginally faster than most people. On average."

"Sometimes you speak like you're from another time, I've never seen your ears... and I've only ever seen you eat root vegetables."

"Just say it"

"no, you have to do the line..."

"*fine* Say it, out loud."

"You're an elf."

"Cool. Now can you please just not tell anyone about this?"

---

"How old are you?"

"I dunno, like... 460."

"But you don't look older than 17."

"I spent about 50 years looking like I was 10."

"And how long have you looked like you were 17?"

"uh--probably 200 years? I don't know. We don't age in reverse dog years, there isn't math for this."

"Ugh, Sindreth, you're so stupid."

[yumeka-sxf]

In addition to Yor's epiphany scene, this scene was the other one I was most looking forward to in season 2 - a scene that, in my opinion, is one of the most Twiyor-ish scenes in the series so far 💖

Why is it so significant? Because there was no reason for Twilight to put on any Loid Forger acting in that moment. He wasn't conversing with nor being scrutinized by anyone. So why would he give that soft smile followed by such affectionate, comforting words as "お疲れ様/otsukaresama"? (this can be translated in many ways, but generally it's something you say to thank someone for their hard work).

The answer is because it's something he truly felt...he understood the sacrifice Yor made for Anya's happiness and genuinely appreciated it (if only he knew the sacrifice she made on the larger scale, lol). While he's a bit perturbed at first since some onlookers were snickering at him, it didn't take long for him to soften and then graciously carry his queen and princess the girls back to the ship 😭

But Twilight overall was really soft in this episode and I loved it~ From his blush upon seeing Yor to the several times he gave that same soft smile when talking with/looking at her...I think Anya was right when she called him out on the ship about missing his wife 😅

I liked how the anime conveyed his shock when noticing her bruised face...what must have been his thought at that moment? 👀

The scenes of the family activities translated better in animated form in my opinion. While they were each only a single panel in the manga, they lasted a few seconds each in the anime, plus the addition of the insert song helped the with the comfy, wholesome vibe~ Also the part where Yor inadvertently chucks Anya across the ocean is still hilarious.

Loid's dorky skip at the beginning of the episode translated very well in animated form too 😅

The ending of this chapter in the manga always felt a bit rushed to me...it quickly jumps from the aforementioned scene of them returning to the ship, to suddenly being home, reuniting with Bond and Franky, having a meal together, then Twilight meeting Sylvia, all within a few panels. Even though I wish the anime added more than just some additional scenes of the ship leaving the island, I felt it flowed much better in the anime since, just like the family activities, each scene in the ending lasted a second or two instead of being a single illustration.

But I love how this chapter/episode ends, with Yor, Anya, and Bond napping while Anya draws about her family vacation. This seems to take place the next day or maybe later the same day they got home, so makes sense they'd still be tired from the trip!

By the way, the manga has this additional scene showing that Olka and company are safe. Weird that the anime didn't stick it in at some point.

Also, the anime team didn't have to go so hard with this episode's key visual but they did...and I love it 😍 Might actually be my favorite of the key visuals so far!

I was very happy to see the "surrounded by liars" panel finally animated! This is such a funny scene and a great way to fully wrap up the cruise arc.

I also burst out laughing at Yuri's locker 🤣

Damian is surprisingly laid back in this episode. I think the reason is because Anya's antics aren't directly involving him. He tends to go total tsundere only when she's actually talking to him, lol.

The new scene of Yor getting the keychains for her coworkers was a nice addition! Guess it's canon that Yor and Anya didn't sleep for the entire trip back, lol. Glad they got to spend family time on the ship too! (though I wish we could have seen Yor's reaction waking up in Loid's bottom bunk bed, haha. He must have brought her to his room since he wouldn't know where her room is. Unless she woke up before he even put her in a bed, in which case she would have been super embarrassed knowing he was carrying her around in public 😆)

Looks like next week the anime will be changing the order of things a bit and giving us the Becky home-wrecking and Fiona chapters (the latter of which seems to have some anime original content?) The Becky chapter is one of my favorite stand-alone chapters...I'm already dying of laugher thinking about it 😂

[midnight-in-town]

Classical language and paranormal powers : Anya Forger and Arnold Crowley

Crack theory that I haven't seen anywhere, but I can't get it out of my head since ch95, so here goes.

We've had enough clues across the story so far to understand that there is a link between Anya's past and telepathic powers and her mastering classical language (which is not spoken anymore nowadays, according to Twilight), which recently earned her a stella :

While the nature of the link is still unclear, I can't help but question if Sensei hid other clues about this topic.

More specifically, Anya scored second, a big victory for her, but we eventually even met the kid who scored slightly better than she did in ch 95:

Moreover, he seemed particularly interested in Anya and wanted to meet her, before the dance party gave him the chance to.

Of course, it can be purely mundane kid behavior or just a comical way to annoy Damian, but still, I couldn't help but notice that mainly he, like Anya, has weirdly shaped pointed hair.

Might I even add, he has 3 horns/antennas, while Anya only has 2 (is it why he scored better ?). That's one similarity to two kids scoring well in classical language. Could be coincidental, I hear you.

Even more recently though, Anya and Yor encountered Melinda at a festival, when trying to get a fortune telling for Anya. Melinda shyly explained to Yor that it's a hobby of hers and that she believes in destiny and paranormal activities & powers, like telepathy :

However, Melinda is not super confident in her reading abilities, which is why she's not charging any money for it. But did you notice the name of another fortune teller who seems very accurate and popular, in ch107 ?

That's right : Magical * Crowley

Of course, at this point we don't know at all whether or not Arnold from ch95 is related to this fortune teller. However, I kinda doubt Sensei would mistakenly give the same name to the weird boy who beat Anya in classical language and to a popular fortune teller, when someone like Melinda, of all people, hardcores believes paranormal forces and powers are real.

Melinda who, by the way, is extremely scared of her husband who may have undergone surgery to get telepathic powers at some point.

Last but not least, we also know that fortune telling is likely to be a real thing in this universe, meaning Magical * Crowley's could have actual powers, considering Anya's family already owns a dog, Bond, who can see the future.

TL;DR Arnold Crowley from ch95 may be a kid with a strange power, like Anya is.

What this has to do with them being good at classical language, which is not used anymore nowadays, I don't know**, but I'd bet a few pennies it's going to be plot relevant.

**EDIT : To specify on what I currently imagine, since Anya's powers disappear during the new moon, maybe her powers depend on some kind of emitting/transmitting wavelengths (received by her hair horns/antennas), that could be coded with classical language (since it's not spoken anymore) ? It is a spy manga after all. x)

And if I were Endo-sensei, I'd take it a step further and reveal that she was actually hearing/reading all along people's thoughts in classical language, because that's how her powers were coded. She just doesn't realize it, because she's 4 years old, which is why most of her mistakes during classical language tests were spelling ones.

We shall see later. :) Thanks for reading and happy new year 2025 !

[lil-frenchfri77]

Begin Again

Summary: Ever since Bella came back to Forks things between y/n and her boys have been different. Embry and Quil stopped answering phone calls and texts, they’ve even been avoiding her everytime she shows up at their house. So y/n does the only thing she can think to do, she latches onto Jacob just like Bella, and when he starts acting like Embry and Quil did, she makes the decision to not put so much effort into a friendship that is clearly one sided. But what happens one day when Sam’s pack is in town at the same time as y/n and her new friends and two certain boys imprint on their former best friend? And what happens when a former best friend doesn’t feel the same way?

Author’s Note: Hello to everyone that is reading this! This is my first ever time writing a fanfic, so (if you’re reading this) go easy on me. I would love to hear any feedback anyone might have in the comments. Super excited to be writing this Twilight fic, I’ve been inspired by others authors on here to take my own spin with Stephaine Myers characters, none of which I have any ownership to. This doesn’t really follow the Eclipse movie timeline, I'm making things up and stretching the timeline. So this is basically my own story just using Stephanie’s characters and some of her themes. There are also some other characters in here that I don’t have any rights to, I just thought it would be fun to put them in this story. I don’t know how long or short this is going to be, I might be able to get my ideas across quickly or this might turn into a few chapters. If you’ve read this far I love you and I really hope you like this!

(Also not beta read cause I can’t afford that)(Dividers from @enchanthings here on Tumblr)

Y/n/n means your nickname 

Embry Call x Fem!Swan!Reader x Quil Ateara

Slight Stiles Stlinski x Reader

Chapter 1 | Master list | Chapter 2

Things had been weird lately, with Bella back in Forks, the Cullens, and your friends on the reservation. It seemed like everyday more and more of your friends were leaving to go hang out with Sam Uley and his pack of assholes. Now it was just down to you, Embry, Quil, and Jacob. It’s not like you’re not fine with that, Embry and Quil were your best friends ever. So you were fine with just the four of you hanging out all the time. But they got so hostile of you whenever Edward or one of his siblings came around to talk to you or Bella. 

It was getting absolutely exhausting trying to mediate things between them. You didn’t want to have to choose between your boys or Bella, but if it came down to it, your choice would always be your family and by extension, the Cullens. Although it seemed like you wouldn’t be getting a choice anyways when Embry and Quil stopped answering your texts and calls. They were never home when you came to visit and see what was happening to them. You had even tried asking Jacob if he knew anything but he swore up and down that he had no idea. 

You never expected to see them hanging out with Sam and his pack, jumping off that stupid cliff. You had never felt more betrayed. They could do whatever they wanted to but it hurt that they felt the need to drop you, without any kind of explanation and go hang out with the few people (at least you thought) you mutually disliked. It was obvious that they weren’t going to talk to you anymore so you did the only thing you could think of, you left them one last voicemail in hopes to get through to them. 

“Hey, it’s me. Um, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I still miss you guys. I saw you the other day, hanging out with Sam and his boys. It’s fine, I guess. I just thought that we were better friends than that. I mean, we’ve been inseparable since we were 6 but that’s not really the point of why I called.” You took a deep breath, trying to stop yourself from rambling some more. “I don’t really understand why you started hanging out with Sam but you have free will so I can’t stop you. But I miss you guys, and I still want to be friends. I don’t want to permanently lose you both because I can’t get over this petty dislike I have. So, call me back. Please. I want to talk about everything, but if you truly want nothing to do with me anymore then I won’t bother you again. This is goodbye, then.” 

2 months later

Life wasn’t the easiest thing anymore. The boys never called you back, which you expected but it still stung. You still had Jacob, but it wasn’t the same. Jacob knew how much Embry and Quil’s choice had affected you, but there wasn’t much he could do to help you. He couldn’t just tell you that they were werewolves. So he did his best to try and raise your spirits. You were wholeheartedly grateful you had him during this time. 

Bella wasn’t much help either, she had just been broken up with and she was rotting away in her room. It appeared as though life was hating the Swan girls right now. As much as you wanted to wallow in your own pity you knew you had to be there for Bella. It’s not like the kids from school were going to help her, and honestly Bella wouldn’t want them to. So you spent months trying to help Bella, you didn’t want to lose your sister too. 

“Please, Bells. Just talk to me, tell me what’s going on in your head. I’ll do anything to help you, you just have to tell me. Tell me what I can do for you, I want to take all this pain away. I know this isn’t about me or dad but we’re so scared for you Bells. We love you so much.” You plead  with her. Tears welled up in your eyes when she turned away from you and went back to looking out of her window. You walked out of her room before she could see or hear you start to cry. 

“Whoa, slow down there kid. What’s happening?” Charlie stopped you in the hallway. His hands gripped your shoulders as they shook with silent sobs. 

“I can’t watch her wither away like that dad. She’s changing so much, and I don’t know how to help her. I hate Edward for what he’s putting her through and he’s not even here.” You spoke through your tears. Hiccuping in between every breath you took. 

“Y/n,” Charlie whispered, cupping your cheeks and making you look up at him, “We will get her through all of this okay kid? You and me will bring our Bella back. I know it.” He assured you as genuinely as he could. Truth be told, he had no idea if he would be able to get his daughters back to the girls they were before all this happened. He was grateful that you seemed to be okay so soon after the Embry and Quil situation. He didn’t know what he would do if both of his kids were nervous wrecks he couldn’t console. 

You nodded at him instead of answering back. You knew he was just trying to make you feel better. As much as you wanted to stay and keep trying with Bella you had to go to school. You couldn’t miss any more days this week or you would fall too far behind. 

After getting dressed you head downstairs where you say goodbye to your dad and meet Jacob who’s waiting for you outside. Lately he has taken to riding with you to school and then walking back to the reservation afterwards so you weren’t alone in the mornings. It was also a way for him to keep an eye on you and Bella. 

“You know, you don’t have to keep doing this Jake, I’m perfectly okay with getting to school by myself.” You told him today. It has been on your mind for a little while now. 

“I know,” he chuckles, “but I like to. Sometimes I don’t want to be alone in the morning so I make you suffer and force my presence on you. You’re going to have to get used to it.” Jacob simply shrugged. 

You get quiet after that and it worries him, but before he can ask you what’s wrong you beat him to it

“If you ever want to be friends with Sam and everyone else, please don’t cut me off too. I don’t think I could handle that.” Your hands grip the steering wheel tighter as you pull up to a red light. You can’t bring yourself to look over at him, as you not so patiently wait for his answer. 

“Y/n/n, I will never abandon you to be friends with Sam and his pack of douchebags. Okay? It's you and me against the world now.” He says in such a loving tone that it brings tears to your eyes for the second time that day. “Oh god, please don’t cry. I totally didn’t mean for that to happen.” 

Watching him panic while he tries to get you to stop crying does the trick, and you start to giggle at him. The rest of the drive to your school is silent with the occasional sing along moment to whatever is playing on the radio. When you finally arrive at school you're in a much better mood. 

You say goodbye to Jacob and head into the building, putting on your headphones and turning the volume all the way up. Someone knocks into you from the side sending your phone and headphones sliding across the floor. 

“Oh my god. I’m so freaking sorry!” Apologizes spill from the mystery boy's mouth as his friend, the one who pushed him into you, hurries to gather your things. He turns around to his friend on the floor and hisses out “Dude. What the hell??” 

It wasn’t surprising that you had to clue who these boys were. When you were friends with Embry and Quil you didn't really talk to the people you go to school with. “It’s fine.” You shrugged it off, not wanting to create a problem with these two. 

“No, its not fine. I totally didn't mean to smash into you. Scott’s just an asshole.” The boy throws his friend, Scott, under the bus. “I’m Stiles by the way.” 

“I didn't mean to push him into you miss, I didn't even see you there.” Scott pipes in, before quickly realizing what he said. “OH! I didn't mean I didn't see you at all, like you're just hard to see. Cause you’re not hard to miss. Not that you're always in the way! I've never seen you before so… I'm going to stop talking now.” Scott sheepishly tugs at the collar of his shirt. He seems to be sweating now. The incredulous look on your face seems to shut him up well enough for his friend, Stiles, to get a word in. 

“Wow dude, that was bad.” He’s trying to hold back his laughter now. “I think what he's trying to say is that he was so preoccupied with being an asshat that he wasn't paying attention to our surroundings.” Stiles says it a lot more eloquently than Scott had and it makes you giggle. 

They both stare at you like you've grown a second head. “That was the worst apology I have ever heard in my entire life.” You state after getting ahold of your laughter. “I’m y/n. I accept your terrible apology, and it's okay that you haven't seen me around before, because to be honest. I've never seen either of you around before either.” 

They let out a breath of relief and apologize one more time, sounding more coherent and sincere this go around. Scott proceeds to ask you what you have for the first period and surprisingly you have the same class as them, so you all walk to your class talking and getting to know each other. When you get to class you part ways to your seats with plans to meet after class. 

Your class schedules were pretty similar, especially yours and Stiles. In the classes you and Stiles shared you decided to move seats and sit next to each other, getting in trouble a few times for talking too much. You were getting along with him so well that he invited you to sit with him and his friends at lunch. And since you didn't have any other plans you took him up on his offer. 

When lunch time rolls around Stiles follows you to your locker where you get your food before heading to the cafeteria to meet up with his friends. The table quiets down when the two of you approach. “Y/n these are my friends: Lydia, Allison, Issac, Liam, Malia, Kira, and you've already met Scott.” One by one his friends say hello and introduce themselves to you. This wasn’t at all how you thought it was going to go. You assumed that they would only give you a cursory hi and go back to their conversations, but they seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you.

[gliphyartfan]

Thanks for answering my ask! Hope it wasn't too weird skfj

I feel like the first time she hugs anyone back be it Hyrule or Twilight (wolfie. Wolfie gets it first) and everyone else wants to know what happened she immediately gaslights them all like "I have no idea what you're talking about. That never happened. Y'all sure you aren't hallucinating again?" (this does not work on any of them but they do it anyway because ✨denial✨) Once she's more comfortable she's probably stopping mid hug at some point to ask if they're doing it right (still keeps the knife though. just in case. probably has extras stashed away somewhere)

Probably also the type of person who accidentally throws punches when spooked. Has done this to Sky once and sulked for the rest of the day bc they felt awful about it

Again, huge fan of tropes where people are basically just stray cats so thanks for indulging my thoughts lol

Ohhh, anon, this is gold~

I love the image of (y/n) reluctantly hugging Wolfie first because, y’know, he’s just a wolf, right? Nothing suspicious, totally normal. (Twilight would be so smug, but only after he shifts back to his Hylian form where she can’t see his tail wagging like crazy.)

And the gaslighting? Ha! I approve!

“Me? Hug? Pfft. Never happened. Y’all need to get your heads checked. Next, you’ll be saying I bake cookies for y’all every week or something, oh wait, that’s just Wild hallucinating again.” (Everyone: 👀)

The “Am I doing this right?” mid-hug moment would just wreck them. Like, imagine you’ve been dreaming of this day, you’re finally getting a hug from the most stubborn, self reliant, knifehoarding person you know, and then they stop to nervously ask if they’re doing it correctly. 🥺 Heart. Melted.

‘Is this okay? Should I… squeeze more? Less? Wait, am I crushing your ribs?!’

‘No, no, you’re perfect..’ Time would insist, voice cracking a little, trying not to tear up while the others glare daggers because they wanted a turn first.

Also YES on the stray cat vibes! She’s got the knife, she’s got the extra knives, and she accidentally decks Sky in the face when he spooks her. The poor man’s just trying to give her a plate of snacks, and BAM! Sky’s on the ground with a bloody nose, and she’s sitting there sulking because oops, her bad.

Sky: I-it’s fine! I’m fine! This is fine! -Bleeding profusely but trying to downplay it.-

(y/n): ‘…I hate it here.’

(He gets hugs as an apology later, cause she DOES feel super guilty. But he should know she doesn’t like being snuck up on!)

Honestly, the Chain would probably love this about her, though. She’s like this weird mix of feral and soft, and they’re (of course) obsessed. They’d absolutely gang up on her with hugs once she starts tolerating them more, and she’d just be stuck in the middle of a Hero Pile™, knives stashed under the cushions completely useless against the sheer weight of their affection.

Anon, your thoughts are perfect, and I hope you know I’m grinning ear to ear writing this. Keep ‘em coming!

[delightfullyquirkydoodles]

Okay, buckle up, friends and neighbours, because it's time for:

THE DOOPLISS DISSERTATION

(Obviously, you should take all of this with a HUGE chunk of salt, since I'm not only an internet-poisoned fandom blogger, but also a former English major with a penchant for over-reading.

Still, I spent a long time writing this, so I'd appreciate it if you gave it a read.)

So before we talk about Doopliss himself, I feel like we should talk about Creepy Steeple, since a lot of the topics I'm going to be touching on relate to the actual building.

Neither the original Gamecube version nor the Switch remake really bothers to explain what Creepy Steeple actually is.

None of Goombella's tattles say anything about the building's intended purpose. The name vaguely implies that it's a church of some kind -- in Japanese, it's called Odoron Jiin, or "Astonishing Temple" -- but that's still not very helpful.

Still, for the purposes of this analysis, I'm going to assume that it's meant to be a church.

This brings me to the Steeple's stained glass window, which shows a scary-looking Doopliss standing over some piranha plants.

From a design standpoint, I'm guessing that this detail was added to give the location a spooky vibe, but from an in-universe perspective, the implications are wild.

Like, who designed this? How long ago? And why? What the heck is it supposed to represent?

Unsurprisingly, the game offers no real answers, but I have a couple of theories.

The first is that the people of Twilight Town (or their ancestors, or something) created the window in Doopliss's honor.

Stained glass windows often depict saints or angels, so maybe the Twilighters used to worship him? Like, maybe Creepy Steeple was once dedicated to him and then, for whatever reason, the worshippers decided to leave?

It's not super likely, but I didn't want to rule out any possibilities. This is a weird freaking temple. Literally anything is possible, as far as I'm concerned.

My second theory is that Doopliss designed the window himself. He seems like a guy with a lot of spare time, so it's not too much of a stretch to say that he came up with the idea and then spent weeks building it by hand.

He could have also bullied the Boos into constructing it for him. I dunno. I just have this mental image of him pulling pranks on them and generally being a nuisance until they caved.

The bottom line is someone wanted to Doopliss's face to be front and center. And if that someone is Doopliss himself, then hoo boy, there is a lot to unpack here.

Maybe I'm projecting, but it feels like Doopliss is wrestling with some major self-esteem issues.

Despite being an incredibly powerful shapeshifter who somehow cursed an entire town, he seems very childish. He spends all his time watching TV and coming up with new jokes. He throws tantrums when he loses. He wears a party hat, of all things.

Based on that, I'd say that he's probably starved for attention. He's probably pretty lonely living in Creepy Steeple all by himself (doubly so if my theory about the Twilighters is correct).

I'd even go so far as to say that his scheme to turn the Twilighters into pigs is motivated by this need for attention. I mean, what better way to get people to notice you than to cause a town-wide panic?

I feel like the disguises he uses over the course of the main story also support this theory.

Though Mario, Zip Toad and Professor Frankly are quite different from one another, they all have one important thing in common: they're famous. Mario's a world-renowned adventurer, Zip Toad is a well-known actor and Frankly is a tenured professor whose students love him.

Doopliss even alludes to this after stealing Mario's body, telling him, "You're so popular around here! I just love being you!"

By transforming into beloved figures, Doopliss can get the attention he craves.

I also think that this is why he joined the Shadow Sirens. Sure, Beldam abuses him almost as badly as she abused Vivian, but at least she notices him. That's better than nothing.

The most conclusive piece of textual evidence is found in the epilogue. In her letter to Mario, Goombella explains that Doopliss has joined Flurrie on-stage in her production of "Paper Mario".

Obviously his shapeshifting abilities make the play a lot more realistic, but why would he bother participating in it at all? This guy was a villain for most of the game. Why would he suddenly decide to join up with one of his enemies?

Because, as far as I can tell, he's not a villain. Just a guy who's sick of being ignored.

I dunno. Doopliss's motivations have never been super clear, but I feel like there's more to him than meets the eye.

If you have any thoughts or ideas of your own, feel free to comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

[panlight]

Imagine Bella being immune to vampire venom. Edward wasn't able to suck all the venom out and her body ended up used to the small amount of venom left over and she's bitten again and can't change.

GENINUELY one of my favorite AU scenarios.

And I personally think it makes more sense than the biology behind Renesmee's existence, but your mileage may vary.

In my head it works sort of like a vaccine; she's been exposed and now has the antibodies to fight off the effects of venom. She doesn't feel pain when bitten (other than the pain of teeth breaking her skin) and she can't be turned.

It totally upends all her plans and puts a REAL obstacle in place for her and Edward to be together. Before it was just Edward not wanting to turn her which, sure, is a problem but a fairly easy one to get around: she knows a bunch of other vampires, one willing to try to turn her (Alice) and another with a proven track record of successful turnings (Carlisle). It's not impossible.

Her being immune does make it impossible though. I could be here for the tragic impossibility, how there's no way for them to be together forever now.

But I ALSO think that in such a scenario it might be possible to make a cure for vampirism from Bella's blood. I think if you want happy fairy tale ending for your vampire story, the way to do it is 'unhappy vampires become human' not 'unhappy human becomes vampire; other vampires still have same problems that made them unhappy.' Good for Bella she was following her bliss as a vampire in BD, but I never got how Bella being happy made things any better for Rosalie, or Esme, or Carlisle, or Jasper. Emmett and Alice were reasonably happy as vampires already, or Alice at least didn't know anything different. Rosalie and Esme wanted to be mothers, not aunt/grandma. And Renesmee literally grows up so fast they're missing out at most of those baby/toddler/childhood experiences anyway. Plus Breaking Dawn doesn't really address the issue of whether Bella lost her soul or not, or if Renesmee even has one at all. Edward's happy in BD but will it last or will his worry start creeping back in with time? He's got plenty of it.

But if Bella's blood could be used to make a cure and the option to become human is a thing . . . that gets SUPER interesting to me. Who would take it? Is it reversible? Like, could Rosalie and Emmett become human, have a couple of kids, age until their 30s or 40s and then ask Alice and Jasper (who presumably stay vampires) to turn them back? Or is it one way choice and they become immune to venom like Bella is? Part of me thinks Carlisle deep down wants to be human more than Edward and Rosalie even do (he has crafted his whole vampire lifestyle around being as a human as possible--a job, a wife, kids, a house . . . all very weird for a Twilight vampire) but would the knowledge that he could help more humans as an immortal doctor than a mortal one hold him back? Would he and Esme stay vampires to watch over Edward and Rosalie/Emmett if they all became human? Would the Volturi see this power to turn vampires human as a threat, a weapon?

And just the irony of the one person who wanted to be a vampire being the one who can't become one and whose blood has the power to turn the vampires she loves and envies human. Delicious.

[aventurineswife]

So I was chatting with a moot about the Chrysos Heirs eventually becoming the new Titans in the next cycle and I was reminded of my Yaoshi replacement / Abundance Aeon Reader idea and I just—

How funny would it be, once the new era arrives and since Oronyx clearly has some knowledge / inkling about the Aeons, the Chrysos gang is just starting out:

Hyacine, as the new Aquila in her empty abode at the Eye of Twilight: “It sure is quiet up here…”

Reader, working on Abundance things from home at their super special computer: “…First time?”

Hyacine: 😱 ALKSDJFLDKJDLKFLDSJFLKDJ “Wh— Who— WHO ARE YOU?!?!!??!!”

Poor Hyacine getting spooked by Reader’s sudden appearance (and no doubt she can sense just how powerful they are in comparison to the Titans).

But once she gets over the initial shock, she’s very easily entertained by Reader’s stories from their whackier days as one of the Nameless; and she also reports that, aside from the previous Aquila (i.e. Seliose) trapping everyone on Amphoreus and the Dawn Device going out and the black tide taking over Okhema, “Dannie (Dan Heng) and Grayie (TB) were getting along just fine~!” 🌈💖

And then Reader notes how Amphoreus’s extreme circumstances might actually push Dan Heng well past his limits and Hyacine is just “😀 ????????? He was holding back???”

(But nah seriously when you think about it Dan Heng didn’t go into his Imbibitor Lunae form at all, not even against the literal god of the sky, until he faces the Flame Reaver to buy Phainon time to get Kephale’s Coreflame. 💀)

Okay first of all: I am howling. That “First time?” line??? Instant classic. You nailed that absurd balance between ancient cosmic horror energy and deadpan millennial vibes, and I live for it. Reader just chilling with infinite power and their celestial Slack notifications going off while Hyacine is having an existential meltdown in her glittering space-loneliness? Peak.

Poor Hyacine is so out of her depth and doesn’t even know it yet. Like, she’s here thinking she’s reached the pinnacle of existence, barely settling into the weight of the mantle Aquila left behind, and then—Reader. Reader, who's been around too long, seen too much, and still gets emails from the Herta Space Station for some reason. Absolutely deranged in the best way.

And the cherry on top? Hyacine going from “who are you” panic to “omg tell me more about how you and Himeko used to sneak pastries out of Pom-Pom’s snack stash during hyperspace drift.” Reader being her weird little bedtime-story cryptid is honestly such a great vibe.

Also YES—Dan Heng absolutely was holding back, and no one outside the OG Trailblazer crew really knows the extent of how much. The Flame Reaver situation is such a tipping point for him, and the fact he didn’t even go full dragon on the literal god of the sky only to finally let loose to buy someone else time??? That’s some real “emotional threshold finally reached” kind of moment.

Hyacine: 😃

Reader: “Oh sweetheart… he was operating at like… 37%.”

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi! I know this has been said before but thank you so much for running this blog, you do a huge amount of work for free and make it available to everyone and it's a phenomenal resource.

I wanted to ask you for feedback on a couple of story details. I'm developing a fantasy story with supernatural creatures and such. One of the main characters is Black and a vampire. (If it matters - the story takes place in a semi-fantastical world, the characters don't really have real-world nationalities, so he isn't specifically Black American.)

All of my characters are on the move often and have fairly 'basic' low-maintenance clothes and hairstyles, including him. Additionally, (I haven't quite decided how yet but it's there) the being undead thing slows hair growth quite a lot. I decided to give him a short afro considering both of those things, do you think this is realistic? (...or as realistic as it can be, in terms of this fantasy story lol)

There's no bigotry directly about anything real-world (like skin color), but there is arguably a fictionalized version of police discrimination. The story has a supernatural creature hunting association and one character mentions having left it because it was corrupt, cruel, and used underhanded methods to excuse taking innocents captive. I didn't originally intend it as an allegory for real discrimination and police brutality but it very quickly became that. The rest of the story is pretty lighthearted, so I'm not sure how much I should lean into that aspect (I'm also white so there's probably a line to how in-depth I can get about it). Do you have advice?

How do I address the maybe awkward implications of him being admittedly dangerous to other people? He's sort of an antihero that the audience is supposed to root for, but if we're already going into symbolism, then it's awkward that supernatural hunters have a genuinely good reason for going after him (he DOES kill people, although the narrative doesn't really take murder super seriously when the main characters do it), even though they do so often unjustly. I'm already aware of cultural uses of supernatural monsters as allegories for 'undesirable' minorities, and I want the audience takeaway to be 'that was a fun supernatural story' and not 'this story is encouraging me to think of [insert minority] as dangerous parasites'.

Well, it doesn't change anything that it's a fantastical world bc the character is still what we know to be Black. I do that with my stories too, but that doesn't change context outside of your story, no 😅 sorry.

1. An afro is fine; I don't see why it wouldn't be.

2 & 3. These two tie together, unfortunately. You can't really say that this world has an equivalent of police brutality and that these people who enforce said police brutality and bigoted discrimination are hunting down your character... That is Black... That "deserves it"... But it's a "light hearted" story. Because as a Black person, I'm not just gonna forget you said that 😅 ESPECIALLY when another character used to work for em! It reminds me of Twilight, when Jasper used to be a whole Confederate and as Black readers we were supposed to just... Get over that 😅

The connection there is that this bigoted entity could very well do those things to this character, and so while we can root for him to not be caught, that will still hang over our heads. And then for the narrative to unironically say "he kind of deserves it" nah I'll pass, personally.

Is anyone else on your main team Black, or at least of color? Or are we looking at this one guy who is a target of some of the worse that the story can hold, while everyone else is just... Not? Because that doesn't look great, no, if you have that and then don't treat it as important.

I will say, lightheartedness amongst a serious topic has been done! As weird and questionable as Quentin Tarantino is, the scene of the Klan being fucking jokers is admittedly one of the only times I've ever laughed at hardcore bigots.

But the rest of Django also treats the story as quite serious; his revenge narrative against racists and their violence is central to the story. So I think that if you're gonna bring that part of the narrative up, you need to commit to what that means or let it go.

[mj-ackerman]

I just checked the jp version. In the jp version Loid said 「頑丈すぎる.....!!!ヨルさんの蛮行に晒され続けた結果なのか？」/ “He's so tough...! Is this the result of being continuously exposed to Yor's barbaric strength?”

Idk but this is so funny to me. This also proves that Loid / Twilight is totally aware of Yor's super strength but still doesn't see or think of it as suspicious or weird. Or maybe he actually did think it was weird for a "NORMAL" city hall clerk to have that kind of strength but he's keeping a blind eye to all of Yor's red flags so he could keep her as his wife.

[livmightlive]

Chain Birthday and Zodiac thoughts!

In honor of the 39th anniversary of Zelda here are my theories for the chain’s birthdays!

I’m going in order of game release so first up is:

Hyrule: who’s birthday just passed, February 21st! What I’m mostly doing is going by their game release dates. Happy Birthday Hyrule!

Legend: Legend’s birthday going off of game release would be November 21st! 

Time: Now things get a little complicated because Ocarina of Time coincidentally was also released on the 21st of November. So, either it’s a weird coincidence that Time and Legend share a birthday oooorrrr… we could let Legend call dibs and have Time’s birthday be April 27th, Majora’s Mask’s release date.

Four: December 3rd!

Wind: December 13th!

Twilight: So Twi’s is November 19th which is super close to Time and Legend’s bday. I guess they’re sharing a birthday weekend.

Sky: omg 😭 Sky’s birthday is November 18th. I’m starting to get the idea that Nintendo was releasing games close to the holidays for holiday sales. At this point even if I changed Legend’s bday to a different one of his game’s release dates Sky and Twi are still sharing. 

Warriors: thank goodness. His bday is May 18th.

Wild: His is March 3rd!

Okay and now here’s MY personal thoughts. This is gonna be zodiac based. Like, holy cow, no way that half of them can be Scorpio Sagittarius cusps 😭 NIGHTMARE.

Sky: Sky was my most easy choice. I think he would be a Pisces. Total dreamer, metaphorically and realistically. He seems like a really subtle and calm dude, really in touch with his emotions until he is not. 

Four: My most difficult choice but I settled on Virgo. Super reliable, a bit bossy, pretty stable person. And like Sky, until they’re not 😭 

Legend: Either an Aquarius or Leo. Extremely stubborn but extremely reliable. A real go-getter even if he complains the whole time. Also main character energy just, emanating from him.

Hyrule: it would be perfect if I could also claim him as a Pisces bc his game’s birthday is one but I don’t think it fits him as well as Sky and if I can I want to assign a different zodiac to everyone (even if that’s not perfectly authentic.) I almost assigned him as Gemini, which I think could be a good fit for him being a very go with the flow sign but he’s not enough of a yapper 😮‍💨. I think Sagittarius fits him in a weird way that you wouldn’t quite expect. 

Time: Easily a Scorpio. Mysterious but has a lot underneath that. Dependable with a secret type of crazy.

Twilight: Easily a Taurus. Incredibly dependable in the way that makes him a safe space. Incredibly Stubborn. Sassy. 

Wind: A Cancer. Truely a summer sign! A water sign that is in touch with his emotions. He has tough skin but might be prone to mood swings. Leader material.

Warriors: Aries.

Wild: A Libra! Romantic, kinda whimsical, but a trendsetter at their finest. Don’t let him sweet talk you. 

lol feel free to ask for more reasonings on my sign choices or feel free to argue about them. I know any astrology babes probably have an opinion on this 😭

[splatooshy]

okay so here is the second and final part of (this ask). my answers are a bit shorter but i wanted to fit it all in (pardon the pun)

damon salvatore nsfw alphabet, h-z:

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

likes to make himself pretty and somewhat hairless, with his suggestive little happy trail leading to a manscaped groin. the carpet does, in fact, match the drapes (it would be weird if it didn’t, no?)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

the first time he confessed his love for katherine was when she pegged him (see part one, sect. C)

gets confused between love and lust, as per his canon pining.

definitely has fun playing all lovestruck with human flings.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

why jack off when he can have actual sex?? no but i’m 100% certain he’s masturbated to stefan and elena having sex. and stefan and katherine. because he’s freaky like that.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

enjoys nipple play a little too much. i’m pretty sure that’s actually canon.

he’s also highkey a masochist. which is awkward considering how often he gets tortured.

see part one, section D (dirty secrets).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

his bed, obviously. it’s custom made (like a super king bed but bigger) and extra sturdy (no twilight bed breaking here!) for maximum fun.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

fighting. he picks fights with EVERYONE. often in the hopes that they’ll pin him down and hate fuck him.

literally everything turns him on 😭

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

getting slapped in the face.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

i just KNOW he prefers to give - it pleases his ego to know that he can make people turn to jelly with just his tongue. he definitely excels at it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

again, i think he really enjoys playing different parts with his human flings - lovestruck idiot, bad boy etc. so it differs. but he definitely gets uncomfortable when it’s slow and sensual with another vampire.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

loves a good quickie - him and ric while hunting vamps?? or in the bathroom at one of the million town events?? the only sex he loves more than a quickie in the middle of some boring luncheon is a multiple day long sex marathon.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he’ll try anything once. twice, if he’s still on the fence about it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

vamp stamina kinda rules this one out. but i think he can hold out for hours if he so wishes (he rarely does). i feel like with him, foreplay is more important than the actual sex. and takes up 2/3 of the time.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

see prev (c). the question is, what toys DOESN’T he own. uses them on himself mostly - no partner of his needs to use any toys, and if they did, it would be because they’re using them on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he’s a TOTAL tease. but once he gets under the sheets, he’d rather be teased. he’s a brat through and through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

embarrassingly needy whines, *very* loud, lots of hitched breaths, choked groans & moans. will try and stifle them but gives that up eventually. begs on rare occasions only.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he has 100% been a stripper —sorry, exotic dancer— for a kink club. easy feeding, free drinks, gets paid to look pretty??? dream job. like, in a human AU, damon defs says he’s gonna drop out and become a stripper at every minor inconvenience. maybe even does do it.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

imagining the x-ray goggles poster but it’s stefan looking disgusted as damon walks by.

what’s under his clothes? nothing. absolutely nothing. he refuses underwear on “moral principle”, or so he says. why do i feel like the only underwear he owns is all sexual 😭 like the sluttiest things possible — oh. my god. damon in a lacy g-string???? canon.

probably wears a cock ring on occasion. perhaps even a plug (to make himself pretty for elijah) . at one point he had a prince albert piercing. and nipple piercings at multiple points in time.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

even for a vampire, damon’s libido is impressive. and spontaneous — he gets horny at all of a sudden at inopportune moments. definitely makes fun of his brother for being stuck with a teenager’s sex drive & stamina, even though his is not much better. a perk of that is he can come multiple times with little to no refractory period. and enjoys being fucked even after he finishes.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

conks out during post coital snuggles, if his partner isn’t ready to go again. tells them to wake him up when they are 💀 (or just play with him until he wakes). i feel like he and enzo fall asleep like little otters (holding hands so as to not drift away). he will wake up the instant something changes — if damon finds that ric’s trying to remove his limbs while damon’s happily asleep one more time, i swear to god——

[cafecourage]

feral twilight feral twilight feral twilight

or, i am once again simping for feral twilight

Everyone likes a Feral Link. ☺️

- hard to get twilight to even be feral. You have to have that man let go of the metaphorical leash he has on his wolf instincts. Even then it won’t ever be pointed at you since he doesn’t want to get violent by accident and hurt you.

- If you did talk him into getting to that point there will still need to be some time before you see it. When you’re lucky he could wake up and in his morning brain let his body take control and just lazy lay on you. Nippling at the nape of your neck maybe leaving a few kisses. He isn’t going to let you go once he gets started but it’s going to be very sweet.

- Now on the flip side Feral Twilight when he is at that state of no thoughts or little thoughts just wolf brain. He is super protective which isn’t saying much since it’s Twi. But I’m talking about having you in his arms and not letting you go sort of protective. He isn’t going to let even other links near you if you were in that much trouble. He basically guard dogging you.

- Feral Twilight might also be a bit… weird because Twilight in such a state of no thoughts that he would start doing things he wouldn’t normally do. He is still a good boy! He will listen to if you say no. But he is gonna only listen to you and like Time or Wild. So handling him might just be up to you in the long haul. As again him getting to an animistic state means probably a lot of danger. So you’re really the only one that can look after him, also being the fact that he is clinging on to you most of the time anyway.

- Most likely Feral twilight would be the result of two things. A monster battle that results in you getting hurt. Which god speed for that poor soul. They will be dead in minutes. Twilight when this happens will almost be unstoppable since all reservations are gone. They hurt you. They will perish.

- The second is if Twilight is Wolfie for too long. If he stays in wolf form he is going to have a hard time breaking habits he did before. So it’s not feral as its wolf brain going BRRRRRRRRRRRR.

- Lastly and this is the most extreme case. FD Twilight is dangerous. He is probably the most feral Twilight can get and will chase you down if you run away. It’s a hunt and your his prey.

- I fully believe Twilight won’t even remember what happened when he was put under that much pressure. Nor should he know, he will get guilty and ashamed of it. Being a wolf isn’t something he really sees as something worth boasting about. So Feral Twilight might be a secret until someone asks about it. Then he will piece the pieces together and have to explain in better details.

[flacius1bombasticus]

hey Tumblr, today I will try to explain what the reading in the new chapter meant

So this is how the spread looked like from Anya's perspective

However, something that caught my eye is that Melinda sees these cards backwards.

She is looking at the cards from her perspective (which should be super confusing for Anya). To her things look like this:

(There's 7 cards. I googled 7 cards spread online to try to find one that has its cards arranged in this shape but didn't find anything serious. So I'll just provide the meaning of the cards and we'll figure it out together.)

"I wanna know how to be friends with sy-on boy!" was Anya's 'question'

Death: Death means an ending. And with that, a new beginning. Damian and Anya used to fight a lot, and this might mean that they must cease all that and begin again in their relationship.

Reversed Ace of Cups: Normally, the ace of cups is all about love and purity and new feelings. Its reversed meaning could signify that these kids still experience trouble in their relationship. This could also be coming from Damian, as he is hiding his feelings from Anya.

Ten of pentacles: The culmination of the way of the pentacles that's all about material things and wealth and happiness. This card is also about family. Maybe Anya will invite Damian to her place and he'll see what a happy family looks like and be like 😧😧😧 there is another way to live life

The star reversed (I commented on this at the bottom of this post): The star means hope. As this woman noted, it could also signify Stella stars. And it's reversed meaning could be that Anya doesn't get any haha. Well, regarding her relationship with Damian, one of them might lose hope along the way. Difficulty.

Three of swords: The infamous tarot cards, depicting a heart pierced by three swords. It represents heartbreak and suffering related to communication. This would only fuel the fire of their previous fight.

Three of wands reversed: Its upright meaning is about making plans, rapid growth and looking ahead. Because it is reversed, things only seem more miserable for these kids. The plan failed and Anya doesn't have the vigour that she used to have anymore.

Four of cups: This card represents contemplation. (Done by twilight possibly, lol) This card is also about not being able to appreciate the things you already have. The world seems horrible to you, but it is only inside your mind. So I personally believe this means that the plan of getting these two kids all buddy-buddy will kind of fail and they'll have to try another way. (Have Yor befriend Melinda they already get along so well)

✌️

(Also man I have no idea how her spread works like a past present future reading should look like this:

Yet she claims four of cups is Anya's present and the star reversed is her future?

It's weird. Can someone who uses this huge 7 card spread help me understand? I tried my best

Still, the manga pointed out this interpretation and so I will acknowledge it.

Fours of cups as Anya's present state: She's contemplating? Kind of delusional? Maybe. I don't know, she clearly doesn't realize he's into her. She's thinking about her friendship schemes...

The star reversed as Anya's future state: Hopelessness. As Melinda said, she'll probably lose another Stella star. It could also mean bad luck... Uff

Okay, that's the reading, thank you❤️

[watchingblsnowandforever]

My (mostly regularly) updated GMMTV 2025 lineup in order of my preference: (they understood the assignment and kept only 1.5 het shows so my work is easier)

Cat for Cash: I am looking forward to this so much you have no idea. FirstKhao in a series with only fluff and found family? A literal dream come true, honestly.

Me and Thee: UNO reverse NLMG meets KinnPorsche with PondPhuwin? Consider me SEATED. I am absolutely here for this and this will become my entire personality. This is your warning <3

A Dog and A Plane: The name could use some work but it seems promising. I have a soft spot for TayNew and just getting off the high of Peaceful Property, and they have never disappointed me. The premise is a little eyebrow-raising, but it's just the pilot so lot of time for fine tuning. Also- MarcPoon.

Ticket to Heaven: This is in between Excited and Hopeful because I absolutely adore GemFourth, and they are brilliant actors, especially Fourth, but no angst for me, thanks. I do understand religious guilt, but I'm not Catholic and I didn't grow up very religious (I mean don't get me wrong my mom is super religious but my dad is agnostic at best so I grew up in this weird middle ground and now I don't believe in God, not really. As it is, my religion is polytheistic.) So I can't wait to see this but I'm also gonna gently poke at it like it's a wild bear first.

Dare You to Death: I love a good mystery, but that's not what drew me to this. JoongDunk did. From a switch in their dynamics in THK to a switch back, this got me hooked. And as I said: mystery.

Whale Store xoxo: cute slice of life fluff with MilkLove? YES. I am a tiny bit weary though, since the last time I was so excited for a MilkLove series, it turned out... well. Not as I'd expected. I still am hopeful, though.

That Summer: WinnySatang? In a Disney BL. Hmm. I wanna see how this turns out, especially for the side couple. Generally speaking, I am not a fan of the amnesia trope (they have three of those lined up like. why.) but I might just like this.

Memoir of Rati: GreatInn? In a historical BL/ period drama?...go on.

My Romance Scammer: Gay rights and gay wrongs all in one place. Need I say more?

My Magic Prophecy: Someone in GMMTV watched Agatha All Along, and used the theme of tarot cards and fortune telling to cope with Lillia's death. Jokes aside, I like JimmySea and Jimmy playing a doctor is just so funny to me, I might just watch it for the irony. And also, they deserve better after Last Twilight (why, P'Aof.)

Burnout: I will watch this if not for anything else, then the Not Me nostalgia. And Gun in black lipstick and a lip ring. I might stop after a few eps to wait out until it finishes airing though, cause Love Triangle is definitely not for me.

Mu-Te-Luv: Fortune telling, fate, tarots, blah blah blah. Some het, some queer, I'll see which ones I watch (hint: won't be the het ones). Gives me 7 Project vibes, honestly.

Head 2 Head: What in the Bad Buddy. For anyone who hasn't watched the trailers: this is a Bad Buddy rip off, but the parents want them to get along, and one of them has a weird clairvoyant thing going on. Oh, and everyone is studying fashion designing. And the side couple is exes to lovers.

Girl Rules: I see messy lesbians and bisexuals, but I also hear misogyny and patriarchy. Only Friends GL version. I didn't really like Only Friends so-

Only Friends: Dream On: Maybe.

Wu: I have no idea what this is, but it kinda intrigued me. Little bit.

Love You Teacher: Um.

Melody of Secrets: Horror or psychological thriller is not really my thing so I will mostly be ignoring this unless I find something that piques my interest.

Currently Airing

Boys in Love. True high school fluff is what I live for. Okay, maybe not entirely true, but I really did like the trailer, and I do love my fluff. It's only been 2 eps but I love my babie gays so much. It's a floof fest and I really hope it continues being one. And I am SEATED for the Khru Tan and Khru Nut arc.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

i’m not the person who originally asked but part two of cupids chokehold where the jackass boys meet y/n maybe?? if not thats cool!!

Cupid’s Chokehold (Pt. 2)

When a Viva la Bam episode brings the cast back together, the cast finally meet this mystery girl and find out what Bam sees in this woman.

Bam Margera X Fem!Reader, Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader

(Fluff)

3.6 Words

Warnings: Suggestive content, drug use, misogyny if you squint, jealousy, clingyness, possessive behavior, tampering with food, injury

An: Thank you so much for the request!! I really try to write my guys as ‘in character’ as posible, but I also find it really fun to explore what kinds of circumstances might make them act otherwise :] Anyways, thank you for sending requests and please keep them coming!

The reason you met the guys in the first place was due mostly in part to a group of MTV executives who, given Steve and Chris’ recent success with Wildboyz and the premiere date of that big movie Knoxville was in creeping closer, thought that now would be the best time for a crossover episode with Bam’s show; consider it a Jackass reunion. This was a shock to you- hell, you thought that the last movie would be the end of Jackass and you could go along with your life following your boyfriend's fifteen seconds running out. But you know how things go: one thing leads to another and all of a sudden you were appearing in living rooms across the country on MTV’s hottest new program: Viva La Bam.

When Johnny, Chris, and Steve (the only cast members MTV wanted for the episode) arrived to the compound of chaos that was Castle Bam, it appeared that their absent host was a bit tied up, far too distracted spreading his lawn and crashing into his buddies on four wheelers to even notice that they were there. At the time, you were in the kitchen watching everything go down, so you scampered outside to wave the guys in. “So we have an empty bed upstairs in the guest room,” you showed them around the castle, taking them through everything they would need to know, “but i think one’a you’s gonna be stuck on the floor for a couple nights…” The whole time you were giving them the tour, there was this collective murmur about this weird lady in Bam’s house; maybe she was his maid or a cleaning lady- or an assistant! But before they could make any further assumptions, there your boyfriend comes in, making his grand entrance clamoring in through the kitchen window. Bam flashed the guys a grin, “Oh! You guys already met Y/N!”

Given how much Bam talked about you, the cast all put together this idea of how they thought you would look, this Frankensteined amalgamation of celebrities: Beyoncé’s face with Pamela Anderson’s tits, legs like Jessica Rabbit (thanks, Chris), and a personality like Bridget from the Girls Next Door. So it’s safe to say that jaws hit the floor. This woman he’s been obsessing over for months is this…normal looking?

The air crackled with charged silence for a moment before Steve, who wasn’t totally with it mentally at that moment thanks to whatever he took before the plane ride there, blurted out what everyone else was thinking, “Wait, that’s Y/N? Like- your girlfriend, Y/N?” “Yeah!” A hint of indignation crept into Bam’s tone at what he was actually asking with that question and his face reflected this as he retorted, “She’s super hot, sweet as hell- and she has got the finest ass I’ve ever seen!” Your boyfriend punctuated his words with an affectionate swat to your behind, and you giggled at his sleazy behavior while all the guys were left wondering what kind of Twilight Zone shit was going on. “Alright, alright!” Still lightly blushing, you hurried them off, “Let’s get you boys settled in before you start trashing the place…”

Given the fact that it was summer, it was a perfect time to film some stuff outside. Due to the juvenile, scripted nature of Viva la Bam, the premise created would’ve fit well in any teen b-movie: Bam was having a pool party with his bros that out of nowhere the Jackass guys happened to crash when they decided to stop by, which leads to him getting revenge via spending the day pranking them- think of it as a CKY vs. Jackass turf war. Ignoring how unrealistic it was, you thought it would make for a pretty entertaining episode.

The sun-kissed opening scene looked straight out of some demented David Hockney painting: Ryan, lounging on a pool chair next to his pile of cans while Raab and Rake tried to drown each other in the pool and Dico quietly tapped away at some handheld gaming system under an umbrella (because the story producers on the show had a tendency to dumb his personality down to ‘liking video games’ when he wasn’t participating in the madness). Speaking of the story producers, it was their idea to put you in that cute little black bikini and those blingy, bug-eyed sunglasses, not that you minded showing off as you tip-toed down the deck steps with an oversized fancy fruit tray in your hands. “Hey boys! I got the-“

Without warning, the guys came charging in, water guns blazing! A cold blast of water courtesy of Knoxville’s super soaker startled you and you let out a dramatic yelp, playing your shock up for the cameras. He yelled across the yard to you with feigned disregard as he redirected his attention to the idiots in the pool, “Sorry, ma’am!” Following close behind was Chris, armed with a Costco-sized bottle of suntan lotion. He was not sorry about absolutely dousing Dunn in the sticky, coconut scented goo with a chuckle, unable to resist a filthy incendio, “Don’t worry, man! It came from a bottle- none’a that homemade stuff!” Not seeming nearly as pissed off as you would expect, Ryan simply groaned, wiping off his eyelids, “Better not be- now I smell like a damn pina colada…” Pontius flashed that sweet dopey grin and continued his attack, splattering some haphazardly across your body as Steve, knew how to make these childish antics look fun, cackled like a madman as henailed Dico from across the pool deck, knocking his handheld out of his hands and leaving it to sputter and fizz on the ground. “Dude! You drenched my GameBoy- my sweet, old-school GameBoy!”

Right as Steve was going to ask who the hell even uses a GameBoy in 2004, guess who came charging out of the house? “What the hell is goin’ on out here?” Padding down the deck stairs in those black swim trunks that sat real low on his hips was your boyfriend, rushing to your side and swiping up a bit of the lotion with his finger to examine. Johnny flashed him that movie star smirk, “Hey, Bam! Nice t’see ya!” Meandering up next to you, it was a scene straight out of some Animal Planet documentary with the two males fighting over the female of the pack, as he leaned in with provocativity heavy in his tone, “I could rub some’a that in if you’d like…” Though Bam was better than Knoxville at dramatizing things for TV, it was clear that there was some real jealousy behind the way he pulled you closer with a hand around your waist as if he couldn’t even stand the thought of another guy near you, “Keep your hands off’a my girl.” He spat, looking him up and down with more than feigned venom in his gaze behind those dark sunglasses, “It’s settled then. This is war!”

That night, the only sounds to be heard from the other side of the door of the dinky little attic/guest bedroom the three of them were all stuffed in tinned fish style was the repetitive thumping of Bam jumping off the second story balcony onto the couch, oniy to run up the stairs and do it all over again. Johnny groaned, leaning his head back into the hard pillows, “God…how does she put up with this?” While your boyfriend banged around the ceiling like some jacked up, oversized moth, you were sitting peacefully on the couch, watching TV as if nothing were amiss. Steve bunched up the jacket he was using as a pillow and sighed from his spot on the floor, “Beats me. Maybe she’s a gold digger or somethin’.” But while Bam is an idiot, he's not dumb enough to fall for some chick who’s just in it for the money. It had to be something else- love? “She’s a saint- that’s what she is...” Johnny shook his head and Chris piped in with his own opinion, “I think she’s hot!”

When he’s not causing chaos and buzzing around like a little kid off five Mellow Yellows, Bam can be quite the sweetheart, especially when it gets late at night and everything dies down, the same way dogs quiet down when you put a blanket on their cage. He’s desperate for your attention normally, but when you’re in his bed, laying by his side, it’s as if all every ounce of ego melts out of his ears. Nuzzling into the crook of your neck the way an overly affectionate cat might, your boyfriend murmured with a lovesick smile plastered on his face, “Mmm…missed you, babe.” This was your nightly routine: Bam, in his flannel pajama pants and no shirt, cuddling up to your side with no regard for personal space and endlessly fussing over you. You let out a breathless chuckle, raking your fingers through his hair, “I was with you all day!” His clinginess bordered on excessive sometimes, but you didn’t mind. There was satisfaction to be found in how whipped he was for you- dead and buried, you had Bam Margera under your thumb, and honestly he wouldn’t have it any other way. Arms slipping around your ribs, he shifted against you with a soft whine, “Yeah, still…”

Just as he was about to feebly defend himself, your boyfriend was cut off by this shriek from next door that could’ve rivaled any horror movie final girl. Guessing this was Bam’s doing, you sat up and whipped your head around, “What the hell was that?” Judging by the mischievous little glint in his eye that shone through the darkness, you guessed right. “Oh yeah- I sent Don Vito over there in his tighty-whities to surprise em’.” You could see it in your head as if you were there: down the hall stumbled Vito, clad solely in his underwear, cracking open the door to the guest room and laying down next to whoever was nearest- in this case, judging by the, “Fuck-fuck fuck, dude!” trailing down the hall, it was Steve. Nobody wants to be woken up by a grown man they’ve never met snuggling up next to them, so you couldn’t really blame him for whatever revenge he may innact, but in your head all you could do was hope they wouldn’t retaliate with something worse that night.

The strike came in the morning, as you groggily blinked awake to your boyfriend's terrified yelps, “Y/N- Y/N! Get the fuck up- I’m not even joking!” You rubbed the blurriness out of your eyes to find him back up against the wall with eyes as wide as gum balls, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he gawked at what sat atop the hurriedly tossed aside sheets on his side of the bed: a garden snake, not longer than one foot in length and perfectly harmless judging by the way the damn thing wasn't really doing anything. Inching along to the door, he tried the handle again, his voice cracking just barely perceptibly, “Dude- dude, this is so not funny! Let me the fuck out.” But all he was met with was snickering as someone on the other end (Chris, you assumed) held it shut. At the same time, you calmly grabbed the snake by the head to gently pick it up and set it outside before returning to Bam, your voice staying soft and level knowing how much this shit gets to him, “There, it’s gone.” But, turning away from him, your calming platitudes turned into you yelling through the plywood, banging, “C’mon, guys! Open the fuckin’ door!” Eventually they relented, and since you were leaning against the door and Bam was clinging to your side, the two of you went tumbling to the floor which you had to admit looked pretty funny on camera. Bam shot a glare at Knoxville who stood with a sheepish grin at Pontius’ side before he stumbled to his feet, “You fuckers are dead!”

A good amount of Bam’s genius prank ideas actually came from you, even if on camera it was made to appear as if he was some evil mastermind of mischief. You got this one- one of your best, actually- after you overheard a conversation between Knoxville and Steve. “God, do I miss April’s cooking... It's a shame our lazy asses slept in so late.” Before Steve could say that it sure beats the gas station coffee and doughnuts they eat on the road while filming, you piped in, “Hey- I could go pick up some burgers if you’d like!” And they just gave you their orders, not expecting anything from you!.

Scampering out of the room and trying to hide your excitement, you let the rest of the CKY crew in on your plan, where it was elected that Dico would be the culinary mastermind behind this operation.

As Raab pulled out of the McDonalds drive through, you and Bam sat in the backseat where he was supposed to be manning the handheld. Supposed to be- because he was dedicating most of his attention to you, staring at you with those big, adoring eyes, “You are a genius, Y/N…” The guys usually tried to keep you apart in case things like this happened. He got snapped out of his fawning by a sharp elbow to the side, courtesy of Rake, “Dude- film the food!” Scrambling with the camcorder, Bam shot over Dico’s shoulder as he began working his magic. Whistling the French Chef theme to himself, he fished around in his pockets for the micleanious continent packets he grabbed from the house and you would’ve thought he was making Coq au Vin with the precision and love you could feels in how he smothered that food in a sloppy mess of grape jelly, sweet n sour sauce, and ranch dressing. Turning to the backseat, Bran held up the double cheeseburger in his hand the way those ladies on QVC show off shitty dinnerware, “Wait, is this Steve-O’s?” Receiving an affirmative, this look of vindictive glee flashed across Dico’s face as he leaned down and spat onto the patty before squishing the top bun on top and wrapping the whole disaster up, proclaiming in a faux French accent, “Bon appetit!”

Ryan was bestowed the honor of delivering the tainted food and also got the privilege of having a front row seat to the golden reactions you were sure you’d get. Speaking with a mouthful of food, Johnny was the first to say anything about it, chewing his burger like unappreciative, doomed cattle, “Hey, something’s kinda…off about these.” Luckily Dunn, who thinks of everything, quickly cobbled together an explanation, “You’re just not used to burgers from Pennsylvania- they’re all like that.” From behind the wall Bam, Dico, and you were hiding, you held back snickers at the hint of suspicion that crept across Knoxville’s features as he turned to Steve, “Doesn’t that taste weird t’you?” You were most excited to see his reaction, but he didn’t really have much of one, quickly scarfing his food down to mumble, “Yeah, but I’m fuckin’ hungry!” To your collective disappointment, the plan didn’t elicit the reactions you anticipated, no matter how cathartic it felt to watch them eat that shit. Nobody was more disappointed than Bam who threw his hands up in frustration and stormed out the back door with a groan, “Fuck it- I’m goin’ skatin’.

Having you around while your boyfriend was skating was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because you were his greatest cheerleader and always stared at him with such awe in your eyes, completely enraptured by his skills- which would make anyone feel pretty damn good about themselves. It was a curse, however, in the way that if Bam wasn't totally consumed by what he was doing, his attention was devoted to impressing you to the point he was liable to break something. That’s why he didn’t notice the fact that his trucks were a little loose until the third time he walled off the board and took a nosedive into the plywood.

Right away, you rushed to his side, even though he repeatedly assured you he was fine, “Are you okay, Bam? That last one looked pretty nasty…” Rubbing the spot on his head that bounced off the ramp, he shot you a pained smile, “Yeah- yeah, m’alright…gotta tighten these trucks, though.” Leaning forward, your boyfriend planted a sweet kiss on your cheek before heading inside, “Be right back.” Sitting down at his desk, Bam scrounged around in the drawer that he usually stowed his Alan key in, only for it not to budge. It took a few seconds for it to dawn on him what happened: the damn thing was glued down. Those fuckers…grumbling to himself, he remembered that other board he had set up a couple weeks ago and decided to just deal with the other one later. Which is what he would’ve done, if that one didn’t also have loose trucks.

This required some serious, swift- chemical retribution. But for the time being you needed to play it cool and keep up appearances, so you and the rest of the guys spent the afternoon inside playing video games. You didn’t mind, because you found it hilarious to watch them argue about benign shit. Dico, the Mortal Kombat scholar and by all means a god at that game, was getting his ass handed to him, “Dude- you’re button mashing! That shit isn’t fair.” Bam just snickered, showing his distaste for what was fair and rules in general by doing random combos, not even looking at his hands. Everyone was laughing and enjoying watching him hit five Nut Crackers in a row, when from the bathroom at the far end of the hall, there was this massive boom, as if someone just set off an entire box of illegal fireworks.

Which is what you would’ve assumed happened if it was Bam’s idea, but you knew this plan was Rake’s doing, who spent the greater part of the last hour rigging up a minor explosive device in there which was triggered by lifting the toilet lid. Essentially, if you went to piss, you would be covered in whatever shit was in that device. As indicated by the white powder that coated every inch of Chris as he stumbled out, totally dazed, it was flour. He just chuckled with that ditzy smile on his face, “Woah…” and you knew your plan was a success.

There was only one scene left to film for the episode, and at this point, the guys were barely holding it together. Being in Castle Bam for any amount of time forced Johnny, Chris, and Steve to be on constant high alert, like some kind of torture method that was definately banned by the geneva conventions. The lot of you sat clustered around the dining table, hunched over the food April lovingly cooked for and scarfing it down the way sailors eat on the off chance someone decided to taint yet another meal. Standing up from his food, Johnny looked across the table with bags under his eyes from the constant chaos he had endured over the course of the two days you were filming, “Alright, Bam- I think we’ve done enough pranks to each other and we should just call this whole thing even.” Your boyfriend gave the cameras that malicious look he always did when he had some scheme in mind before he shot Knoxville a diplomatic nod, “Alright. But I don’t think we’re quite even-“ and with that, Bam swiftly grabbed a fist of corn and potatoes and hurled it across the table, and I mean- there’s only so many places that could go. Yep, in seconds, things escalated into an all out food fight, and while laughered roared out and peas and carrots soared through the air, you seemed, yet again, completely unaffected by it.

Once the plates were emptied, Bam stood up with this giddy smile on his face, wiping off a gob of whatever was stuck to his face, “Alright! Let’s go build a bonfire in the backyard!” And without a second thought, everybody flooded out the back door, leaving you with the mess. Well, you and Johnny, who stayed back and had a few questions for you. “I’d hate to intrude, ma’am- but…“ following you into the kitchen, Knoxville carefully phrased his next words, speaking with genuine empathy in his voice, “why on earth do you put up with him? I mean, with all the chaos, and the mess…Bam doesn’t really seem t’pitch in as much as you do.“ Standing up from where you bent under the sink to grab some cleaning supplies, you glanced up at him with a calm, assured smile, “Oh, he’d help out if I asked. Watch-“

Throwing open the back door with a whoosh, you shouted out, “Bam! Come inside and help me clean up!” While you didn’t hear him, you could see your boyfriend say something to the other guys who looked around with confusion plastered on their faces as Bam turned around and dashed up the deck stairs. It was as if you cast some evil spell on their buddy Bam that made him do your bidding, even if your bidding in this case was scrubbing mashed potatoes off of the wall. Still, they followed behind him and let you direct where they needed to help out- he seemed so happy to be with this girl, so they kept their mouths shut and got to cleaning.