#but also will i truly be somewhere else like. emotionally

[merevide]

[loveemagicpeace]

9th house of marriage/ travel/ believe💍⛵️🎨

9th house is very beautiful house and have a lot of things that are so amazing. It represent luck, travel, faith, long journeys, adventure, philosophy, teaching, higher education, quest for meaning. It means exploring the unknown and having fun doing it. Wisdom & greater understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Here we seek answers to life’s bigger questions. Get to know the world around you. Learning and growth. And it is also the house of marriage (how do you see marriage , what kind do you want to have, what beliefs do you have about it).

This in signs through houses and I actually believe that 9th house is so much more connected to marriage and wedding live than it is 7th house. 7th house represents the person you love the relationship you want or need & what it is good for you and the marriage you want. And yes it is connected to wedding and which wedding do you want to have or where do you want to have but it’s more like thinking it’s not doing it. And yes 7th house is your first marriage you have and the 9th house is your second marriage (if you have the second marriage)but most likely 9th house is more connected to the spiritual bonding the spiritual marriage do you have with someone. And how marriage grows.

✨Aries in 9th house - you go on with your life inspired by a higher meaning. You feel independent in your own world and love to explore all parts of the world. Above all, this energy is more related to you. You like things that are bold and spontaneous. That's why your wedding can be spontaneous and not expected. It can also mean that you will have a bold wedding. And you want to always have good energy and action in your marriage. It can also be a quick wedding. Your spiritual curiosity keeps your faith at high levels and helps you move forward through the challenges of life.

🦊Taurus in 9th house- you love to travel and you are strongly connected with mother nature. Many of them decide to live far away from where they were born. You explore the world slowly and with pleasure. You like to enjoy life and like to experience the energy of other countries and cultures. Your wedding can be old school. It can have many flowers and it can also be in the garden. Maybe a wedding in a castle or something similar. But it's usually always simple. Your marriage is usually nice and pleasant. You can enjoy a lot with a person and share a lot with them.

🌵Gemini in 9th house-you can learn new things very quickly and you can quickly adapt to a foreign environment. But you also like to change things, which means you like to travel but you don't like to stay in one place for a long time. Even your beliefs can change. You like to discover new things. They like to talk and write on philosophical and religious topics. Marriage may not be a priority for you. But you are the person who will want to have a written promise and read it aloud at the wedding. Your wedding can be very interesting. But it can also mean that you get married more than once.

🏝️Cancer in 9th house- usually, people with this placement feel other places more than their own. Maybe you can feel that your home is somewhere else. And you can spend a long time looking for a place where you will truly feel at home. You have an emotional approach to things you believe in and are important to you. They can travel with their minds a lot, especially when not wanting to be far away from the places they’re used to. Your wedding will be where you will feel the most safe, beautiful and emotionally refined. And in a place where you will feel the energy. It can usually involve more family and people close to you. Your marriage will be emotional, comfortable and safe (maybe it can be with someone you've known for a long time).

🫧Leo in 9th house- you are very passionate when it comes to traveling and you like to experience new things. You like to party. This brings a dynamic and spirited energy to higher learning, spirituality, and exploration. They’re only going places in which they can learn new things and experience something from a spiritual point of view. Inspiration comes easily for them because they’re enthusiastic and ready to live their life in the most beautiful manner. The wedding will be big and there will be many people at it. Usually, the wedding is dramatic and contains a lot of people that you may not know very well. But you are usually with the person from your childhood.

🌙Virgo in 9th house- you tend to criticize a lot or always have something that could be better than it is. You are smart and focused, meaning that you can find solutions to problems easier than others. You are pragmatic when it comes to matters of philosophy and religion. You have your own principle about what you believe in and you stick to it. A wedding can often be practical and contain many details. At the same time, you can be a person who can analyze everything before getting married. Marriage is usually aimed at wanting it to be perfect and practical. Animals may also be present at the wedding.

💘Libra in 9th house-you can travel a lot with your partner and explore a lot with him. Relationships help you grow and become your own person. You believe in the beauty of the world and everywhere you go you find something that is really beautiful to you. You can dream a lot about places and want to experience as much as possible. You can fall in love with places and corners of the world. You see life as something worth living for. And you want to experience love through travel and exploration. You can do all activities with a partner or someone you have an emotional bond with. You can meet the love of your life while traveling. Or you have someone who is from another country. Even your wedding can be in a foreign country. Your marriage can be very beautiful and pleasant. You can travel a lot with this person and have fun and learn a lot from your partner as well. Can also be a dream wedding.

🩵Scorpio in 9th house- you deeply believe in things that are important to you. You have an intense view of the world and events. You like to travel to places that are mystical, mysterious and by the water. You like trips that bring you some inner healing. You experience a lot of transformation when you travel, and that's how you grow the most. Your wedding can be somewhere out in the open or even secret (so no one will even know you got married). Many things that will happen between you and your partner will remain hidden from others. Everything just between you two. You value privacy.

⭐️Sagittarius in 9th house- you live life to the fullest and with optimism. You live like every day is your last. You have a lot of passion for travel and this is where you find yourself the most. You can deal a lot with spirituality and things related to it. You can teach others a lot. And you can tell a lot about your travels. But you can have a strict opinion about what you think and about your view of the world. You accept all people and cope well with unknown things. You can gain a lot from your partner. U two can also travel a lot. Your wedding will most likely be in another country. Your marriage will be active, interesting, optimistic, fun and full of travel.

🎸Capricorn in 9th house-this has a significant impact on a person's views, academic pursuits, journey, and devotion. Capricorn signifies ambition, discipline, and realism. You may travel a lot on business or your job is active. You like to help others and look out for society. Usually these people do not have specific beliefs or have a hard time believing in anything. It may be more difficult to find trust and faith in something, but when they find it, they feel a sense of responsibility towards this. The marriage with the partner is more likely to be busy or perhaps even more distant. Or both have a more public role. Even your marriage can be publicly exposed.

🪴Aquarius in 9th house-you will probably resist anything that will be publicly exposed. You will never believe in the church or have any special contact with it (unless you have some aspects of the planet that are different). You will not be everything that others believe. You will have your faith. You will be too lazy to learn new things. You will travel to places that others will not, or to places that are a little different. You may want to travel to the same place many times. You can have a lot of friends from other countries and also a lot of people you can meet while traveling. Your wedding can be unusual and different from the others. Your marriage can be unpredictable and different. Maybe you can have many unexpected things with your partner. It can always be in flux.

🐚Pisces in 9th house-you have faith, which can also be infinite. You never stop believing because you have a lot of illusion inside you. And there is definitely a mission you should follow in this lifetime. These natives can’t be kept to only one place. Pisces are known for creating magic around them, but also for poisoning their environment when it comes to the aspects of life they haven’t explored. You always have to follow your passion & things that are good for you soul. You are very nice to everyone. And you believe that the world is full of magic, dreams and goodness. You deeply believe in soul connection of people,soulmates and everything that requires somehow higher meaning to this life. Places by the ocean are good for your soul and you actually love to be near Ocean. Your wedding can be dreamy, by the water or somewhere like a magical world. A marriage with a partner is spiritual and more deeply connected. But you have to make sure that the person doesn't cover things up or lie to you.

✨Ig-bekylibra✨

-Rebekah☁️🌊💍

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

your ghoul fics have me in a fuckin chokehold 😭😩 there's nothing i love more in life than a scary sexy man w questionable morals

not to be horny in anon but like... imagine the reader, after having been traveling together for a while, being an insufferable brat for a couple days, just tap dancing on coop's last nerve- but he's not gonna get rid of you, he's seen you in action, despite his lone-ranger status, you're too useful. too skilled. too good at surviving in the wasteland as a vaultie for this not to have been destined. at least that's what he tells himself to avoid facing the fact that, well, poor bastard caught feelings. basically this is a long winded way of me saying boot riding as punishment, cause the man deserves a free polish 😶

Grunt Work

Pairing: Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x Female Vault Dweller Reader

Word Count: 3,920

Warnings: smut (18+), BDSM-style dynamics, boot riding, masturbation (male), begging, mild hair pulling, mild cum play, Cooper is a softie (but a pissed off softie).

Notes: Anon, I wish you would've been here to see me read this request for the first time. I think a small part of my brain exploded. How did this become 4,000 words? It may have turned out softer than you envisioned (not the first time I've given that preface/apology and it certainly won't be the last; The Ghoul is soft deep inside and you cannot tell me otherwise!), and if so, I hope you still enjoy. Thank you for reading!

Every day with this girl was an exercise in self-restraint.

Granted, the type of self-restraint varied greatly from day to day, hour to hour. From the moment he had agreed to do business with the vaultie, she'd been testing his patience, his boundaries, his sense of what was normal.

Generally, he quite liked it. It was actually endlessly refreshing, he found, to spend time with someone who treated him like he was human, who he felt comfortable enough to actually relax a bit around. Someone who still had some sunshine left in them. Slowly, agonizingly so, they'd developed a bit of a rapport, then a genuine trust, which had eventually (and somewhat recently, given the scope of all the months they'd been traveling together) bloomed into more. What you'd call that "more", he wasn't really certain.

It had been the first time he'd allowed himself any sort of dalliance in that area since he'd divorced Barb all those years ago, and it had been both amazing and heartbreaking. Establishing that new attachment with his little vaultie had been the first time in lifetimes that he truly felt connected to his humanity, the way she'd kissed him and clung to him and sighed his name just like one would with any normal man.

He really had forgotten how wonderful it could be to be with someone, to let them get as close as they possibly could, even though he looked the way he did, acted the way he did, and refused to take off anything besides his duster, his gloves, and his hat.

He knew, deep down somewhere, that she wouldn't reject him simply for what his body looked like. Not at this point. Unfortunately, her feelings about his body didn't really change his feelings about his body. Still, getting to feel her and hold her close had been even better than he'd imagined.

But that new moment of connection, that next and first step, also meant he was fully closing the door on his time with Barb; he'd always been faithful to her, even after they'd split, since he'd really had no interest in dating again in the time after the paperwork was finalized. Then the world had ended and wasn't even a thought in his mind for ages. It had taken him months to even see the advances the girl had been making towards him, months more to reciprocate them.

As asinine as it would seem, becoming this close, actually giving himself to someone else physically and emotionally, made his two-centuries old divorce finally feel real. His ex-wife could still well be out there somewhere, as far as he knew, but they'd never be together again, even if by some wild chance they were reunited. Those special feelings he'd once held so deeply for her were no more.

When his companion had finally fallen asleep that night, tucked naked and warm against his side and wrapped in the tail of his duster, he had shed a few tears, something he genuinely didn't believe he was still capable of.

She didn't seem to be sleeping as deeply as she typically did that night, but if she'd overheard his incredibly vulnerable moment, she never let on or brought it up, and he was endlessly grateful for it.

Maybe he was just growing soft with old age.

She was also quite the burgeoning Wastelander, a shockingly good scavenger with a sharp eye for value and utility, small enough to fit in places that he couldn't, her little hands quick at hacking terminals and picking locks. But, despite her small size, she was quite strong, able to handle herself far better in most fights than he'd ever expected a vault-dweller to be capable of. He didn't necessarily need to watch over her every single second, but the urge persisted, nevertheless. Seeing her safe, seeing her happy, those things gave him a strange sense of inner peace that he hadn't felt in ages. It had become second nature to hover around her.

Besides, as of late, keeping an eye on her every second seemed to be his best bet to stay alive. He was genuinely unsure if his girl (Was that what she was?) had been dealing with an especially bad streak of luck over the last week, or what, but she was rapidly grating on his nerves much more usual.

First, she had managed to nose her way into a yao guai den and set the thing off chasing her, resulting in him taking a pretty nasty swipe to the side before they could put it down, several foot-long tears in his already worse-for-wear coat. However, she'd apologized profusely, spent a few hours that night mending and patching up his coat. He found it impossible to stay mad at her through either.

Then, she'd done the exact same thing a few days later, but with a pack of nightstalkers. He'd nearly lost a finger helping her fight them off, the shitty little things infinitely more tough than one might expect. After that, she was officially no longer in charge of picking where they slept, an arrangement he hadn't been fully aware he'd entered into until he'd had to put his foot down about it. Whatever, she'd pouted a bit and insisted it wasn't her fault. He didn't love how little she spoke to him when she was pouting, and her resolve for keeping at such things was irritatingly strong, but what bothered him more was how well it worked.

Eventually, he'd apologized for snapping at her. That night, she chose where they slept. He tried to not think too long on why he'd let her.

He didn't fully understand why he found himself acting this way around her, and only her. All he knew for sure was that he'd be devastated to lose her, as chagrined as the admission made him, and so he did his best to make things pleasant to keep her around.

What she'd pulled today, however, had managed to officially piss him off.

After a long week of iffy sleep and more scrapes with wildlife and fiends than usual, they had both been a tad testy by the time they'd reached the shabby little trading outpost at the edge of the Wastes, one of the last places you could reliably stop for clean water and supplies in this section of the desert going the way they'd come from. It was also a reliable place for him to obtain vials, and had come in handy to a life-saving degree more than once.

The girl had gotten slick-mouthed with the proprietor over the price of some fancy machine parts she'd scrounged up, insisting that they were worth far more than he was offering her. Granted, she was right; the man was attempting to swindle her, to some degree, but frankly, the damn things were cumbersome and heavy and he wouldn't even call the price she could theoretically get for them worth hauling them around in the heat. If it were him, he wouldn't have dragged them all this way, and would certainly ditch them now.

For reasons he couldn't fathom, though, her solution to the man offhandedly threatening to just keep the damn things had been to pull her pistol on him, which, of course, had set off an entire chain of unnecessary events. The owner's gun had come out, as well, then Cooper's, despite him actually trying to talk the situation down for once.

The man wouldn't relent, however, and he had been forced to shoot his hand off to end the conflict without her blood being spilled. Well, maybe not completely forced, but it certainly felt that way at the time. That particular trading outpost had been incredibly useful to him for well over a decade, and now he wouldn't be able to return.

If it had been anyone else, he probably would have shot them.

Not probably. He would have shot them.

But instead, here he was, tucked into a creaky old UV-eaten lawn chair, smoking and trying to disguise how unsettlingly happy he was to finally have some safe alone time with her beneath his annoyance at being inconvenienced. If there was one thing he hated, it was being inconvenienced. But, if there was one thing he greatly enjoyed, it was her company, so he was at a bit of an impasse.

It was moments like this where he wondered if he'd finally poisoned his brain with too much Jet or any other number of substances, the haze that consumed him every moment around her thick. Even now, when he was angrier with her than he'd ever been at any point in their travels, he couldn't focus on his legitimate grievance because he wanted her so badly. It was the single most irksome thing he'd ever experienced.

She was quickly sniffing out this weakness of his, perceptive little minx that she was. Increasingly, she was quick to soothe his bad moods with little touches and kisses, and it made him melt embarrassingly every single time. He'd been livid and silent as they'd trudged away from the building, both of them covered in rapidly-cooling blood spatter, when she'd brushed her hand along his back softly; a sort of apology, he supposed. Since then, his main source of anger had been himself and his lack of resolve when it came to this particular woman.

The old cowboy was determined to teach her a lesson today, though.

He'd spent the better part of an hour checking their perimeter once they'd come across this place, and the little sniper's nest where they were holed up had a great view of the area. It certainly wasn't much, little more than a rusty metal panel jammed between some rocks, a mattress, a chair, and a radio. But for the first time in a few weeks, things were safe, quiet, and calm. They had plenty of rations between the two of them, and water wasn't as much of a concern as it had been on their way in. She was so comfortable that she'd actually shed her boots and socks, her dainty little feet curled up underneath her as she nibbled away at something under the ramshackle "roof".

Now was the time. He just had to wait for the opportunity.

"You've been quiet since we left the traders." she said after a while of companionable, though mildly terse, silence. It wasn't a question, but at the same time very much was, and the casual, roundabout way she was addressing what was her own actions made him scowl slightly.

"You've been a pain in my ass these last few days, sugar." he said flatly, glaring at her as best as he could from under the brim of his hat. "Should be happy I've just been quiet now."

She actually rolled her eyes slightly, but clearly didn't think he'd seen it, keeping silent as she continued to eat. Increasingly bold for someone within grabbing distance. Cooper let a few seconds pass, studying her.

"Y'know, when I was in the marines, if you were a little shitheel, they'd make you do grunt work." he said eventually, voice matter-of-fact.

She pursed her lips at that, finishing up the can of beans she'd been steadily tucking into.

"I don't think I know what that is." she replied almost absentmindedly.

"It's the shit work no one ever wanted to do, so being assigned to it was intended as a punishment. Scrubbin' floors, toilets. Peelin' potatoes. Polishin' boots."

She chuckled at his anecdote as if it were meant to be entertaining, but the way he let her laugh hang in the silence, staring her down as she sat there curled up beside him, said otherwise. After a moment, she sort of narrowed her eyes at him, her tone low, almost conspiratory, when she asked:

"What're you playing at, cowboy?"

"I'm sayin' you're in trouble, cowgirl." he replied, reaching out to hold her chin solidly in his grip and watching her pout. "I'm sayin' that I think a little grunt work would do you and that attitude of yours some good, and I'm sayin' that I think you should polish my boots."

"Polish your boots?" she repeated, wrapping her tongue around each of the words like they were foreign to her.

"Pretty sure there ain't a functioning toilet within a hundred miles of where we're sitting, and I ain't got any potatoes. So…"

"You can't be serious." she said, her eyes full of curious suspicion as she looked him up and down.

Releasing her chin, the old ghoul set to removing his gloves, tugging his second hand free and using his naked pointer finger to draw a little 'x' over his heart.

"Serious as the grave, darlin'."

There were a few pregnant seconds of them staring one another down, waiting for the other to bend, to flinch. She even lifted her chin towards him, just enough for him to pick up on, an unspoken challenge. God, she was so like him.

"Now…be good and take your clothes off." he smirked, brows raising when she made to argue in response. Her lips worked their way between her teeth as she hesitated before slowly dropping all her armor from her arms and torso, then drawing the dirty shirt underneath over her head.

"Is that better, Coop?" she asked, letting her hair down out of the knot she'd tied it up into on top of her head, the strands framing her face as she worked him over again with those eyes of hers. Pulling herself up into a standing position, he did his best to ignore the way her bare breasts moved and dipped with gravity.

"Mmm. I think it would be more fittin' if you called me 'sir', frankly."

"You cannot be serious!" she insisted again, indignant as she slid the zipper on her trousers down, her tone making him chuckle despite himself. She just didn't know when to quit, and it was fucking adorable.

"Am I ever unserious?" he asked, ignoring the look she shot him back in favor of watching her slowly work the worn pants down over the curve of her ass, dropping them into a pile around her feet and leaving her standing there as naked as the day she was born. He felt his already-stiffening cock twitch slightly, resisting the urge to rub himself through the faded pinstripes of his pants. This was supposed to be a punishment for her, and doing that would give her too much opportunity to distract him.

"Aww, c'mon, boss." she sighed, pressing at a hidden button of his, cocking her head and sending that silky curtain around her face glinting in the light.

"I mean it, missy. You fucked up pretty bad today, and you need to be punished for it. And what did I just say?" he responded, fighting hard to keep his voice even and body still.

"Well…what else would you have in mind as a punishment, sir?" she purred as she stepped back towards him, batting those long, dark lashes his way. He managed to keep his eyes on hers and off of her body, a task that felt herculean as the ache in his gut grew more intense. For a split second, he wanted to give in to her, to pin her to the ground and fuck the attitude out of her like he'd wanted to for days. But there would be plenty of time for that later.

"I promise you that if you knew your other options, darlin', you'd choose this." he replied, finishing his smoke and tossing the butt away. Digging his inhaler out for a quick puff, he finally removed his hat and set it aside, reclining just enough to allow his feet to stick out a few inches in front of him.

She huffed at her little ploy failing to work, crossing her arms and cocking her hip slightly. Cooper's teeth dug into the inside of his cheek to keep back a grin.

"Well, are you gonna take them off?" she demanded.

He couldn't hold back his smirk at that, his head cocking as he continued to stare her down.

"Just how long are you gonna keep playin' dumb? You know it's gonna get cold when it gets dark."

Studying her face, he could see the faint lines of confusion there, and wondered if maybe she really didn't know what he meant.

"There's a reason I wanted you naked, honey, and it ain't just the view."

Though it certainly didn't hurt.

It took a few long, long seconds of her looking him up and down, wondering, but eventually the glow of realization lit up her face, followed by more brow furrowed confusion.

"How would that even work?" she asked, though her tone was more curious than argumentative.

"I suppose you'll figure it out, huh? Askin' an awful lot of questions for someone who's about to be freezin' their twat off in about half an hour." he said, watching with apparent glee as she fidgeted in place, pulling another cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it.

Still attempting to make a stand, she didn't move, chewing away at that bottom lip as she hesitated there. He could smell that she was already turned on.

"Go on. Get to work." he ordered softly, exhaling smoke through his nose, staring into her eyes.

After a heartbeat, she seemed to accept her fate and slowly lowered herself down onto her knees in front of him. That, too, made his cock jump. Her cheeks had a visible rosy hue as she clearly struggled to arch herself at the right angle to make proper contact; after a few long seconds of her huffy sighs, he took mercy on her and tilted the toe of his boot more skyward, allowing her to begin to rub herself back and forth across the dusty leather in earnest.

He watched as her face slowly morphed from mildly confused concentration to blossoming arousal, the tint in her cheeks growing until it consumed her entire face.

"How does it feel?" he asked quietly, taking another long drag off of his smoke.

"It feels good." she huffed, a light sheen of sweat glinting on her soft skin.

He reached out and grabbed a fistful of her hair at that, squeezing just enough to make her gasp, her eyes flying open to gaze up at him, wide and wet.

"Feels good what?" he demanded. "Given you an awful lot of chances on that, kid. Y'know, insubordination usually calls for more severe punishment."

"It feels good, sir." she replied, her hips stuttering slightly as she struggled to move them with her head fixed in place, her eyes falling shut again. He found it a little surprising that the mild pain hadn't stopped her or made her complain more. If anything, she'd seemed to like it. He took note of that for later.

"Tsk. Well, it's supposed to be a punishment, but I guess I can't help it if a little freak like you gets off on polishin' my boots. Guess I did know a guy in the service who really liked bein' made to scrub the floor, but, between you and me, I think he might've had a little thing for bein' pushed around and told what to do." Cooper's voice fell to a secretive murmur as he spoke to her, watching her eyes dart away as he teased her.

However, as he watched her slide herself back and forth across his foot, he found it more and more difficult to resist the urge to touch himself. When her eyes didn't open for several minutes, focused entirely on the sensation, it would seem, he took the opportunity to palm his cock, his hips eventually beginning to rock against his hand. That movement caught her attention, her gaze burning into him as she watched; this was a button of hers for whatever reason. Feeling emboldened and somewhat sure that she was too distracted to cause trouble, he quickly undid his belt and fly and tugged his erection free, a shiver running down his spine as he gave himself a few experimental pumps in the cooling air.

Unfortunately, he'd underestimated how coherent she still was, her head remaining low, but her right hand creeping up his leg towards his hand. He jerked his chin towards her, sending her jumping back a bit. However, she didn't look fearful, more chastened.

"Don't. You. Fuckin'. Dare." he growled, his hand not stilling for a moment. "If you touch me, I'm gonna put you over my knee and spank your little ass until you can't sit right for a week."

His threats only seemed to make her hotter, a throaty moan leaving her as she began to hump his boot with increased speed, all attempts at preserving any semblance of her dignity abandoned in the pursuit of her orgasm. The grip he was maintaining on himself tightened, and a growl ripped out of his chest in response as he fought to keep his eyes open and on her. If he could still sweat, he'd be pouring it just like her.

Cooper's leg jerked involuntarily as a particularly strong wave of pleasure shot up his spine, digging the toe of his boot harder into her weeping little slit, and she keened in response, her body beginning to twitch all over like it did when she was nearing her end.

"You close, honey? You wanna cum?" he asked feverishly, rapidly sprinting towards his own finish line.

She nodded rapidly, her breasts heaving with her strained breath as her nails dug into his thigh.

"Please, please, please..." she breathed over and over.

"Look at you, just cleaned the thing and you're about to make a mess all over it because you're such a needy little slut." he chastised, breaking down into a harsh whisper as he seized her by her hair once more, his cig hanging loosely from his lips. "Go on, baby. Cum all over my boot."

The labored whine she let out as she lost herself all over him, and the blissful way her face contorted as she cried out, was more than enough to finish him off, his release spurting all over his hand and stomach. They both growled and groaned their way through their shared release, her collapsing against the inside of his leg as she panted heavily. Working to control his own breathing, he let his head fall completely back with a blunted "thud" against the frame of the chair, releasing his grip on her head.

After a few quiet moments, they both rather sheepishly peeked at one another. He held his spend-covered hand up in front of her face, the mess catching the fading light as he reached out towards her.

"You're gonna have to clean that up, too." he said softly, rubbing some of the slickness across her lips, barely holding back a groan when the little pink tip of her tongue darted out to lap at his fingers as they passed by.

"Mmm. Yes, sir." she responded, gently laying her temple against the side of his knee, those big, round eyes slowly slipping shut. Cooper reached out and laid his palm against her head, petting her now-rumpled hair with more affection than he'd like to admit, admiring her in the golden-red hue of the evening sun.

"Don't get too comfy there, sweetheart." he said after a few quiet moments, his cock beginning to stir again. "Don't forget, I've got another boot."

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

same anon from the ace UM submission here HELLOOOO I JUST FELL TO MY KNEESSSSS imagine malleus in a fit lashes out because how could they understand the isolation he feels and it just forces ace to confront his own feelings. imagine the final confrontation he straightens malleus out in the usual way that he does considering ace also has a track record of setting people straight (like with riddle and in phantom bride) "just talk to them and let them know how you feel" "stop carrying all these feelings to yourself" his own words probably also came from somewhere deep inside of him that he refuses to face but it just comes up to the surface because he sees himself in malleus. pretty ironic that he'll be calling out malleus when hes doing the exact same. it would give ace the development that ppl say hes been lacking compared to the other charas who all had some kind of further development like the other first years for example

think of post ob where after the dust settled they just return back to their respective loved ones and finally having to come clean about their emotions once and for all.

i just want an emotionally vulnerable scene for ace, mister allergic to facing his emotions, trappola even if its just a side moment that gets overshadowed later HHHH

[Referencing this post!]

*nodnod* Malleus is arrogant and desperate enough to think that no one could possibly relate to these tumultuous emotions of his. It’d be so fitting for Ace to confront him (and, by extension, his own feelings)—because not only does Ace have a track record of speaking out against others, but he has spoken out against Malleus before in Endless Halloween Night. In fact, he was the ONLY character to continue harping on the guy after everyone else basically forgave him. Ironically, that event was also the one that foreshadowed Malleus’s ability to stop time (which is true of the space contained in his briar barrier). And it all comes full circle…

For Malleus, I feel like him verbalizing his feelings isn’t really the main struggle. He seems to lack the awareness of what he’s feeling in the first place, as he doesn’t realize he’s lonely until Yuu points it out to him in 7-18. Later in 7-29, Malleus speaks openly with Silver about how powerless he feels to stop his subjects from feeling sorrow. It’s true that he has a tendency to project his feelings onto others (hence forcing everyone into happy dreams to avoid reality), but unfortunately projecting is not necessarily the same as empathizing. Rarely does Malleus do the legwork to truly understand others on an intimate level. I think that projection is a function of how Malleus understands and interacts with the world since this is something he does even when he’s not being overly emotional. For example, in his own Dorm Uniform vignettes he thinks it would be easier to bring everyone to him (so as to not miss a dorm meeting) even though this act of magic is considered highly rude by other mages. He does communicate his feelings, albeit sometimes via talking in circles or vaguely—namely in how he speaks with Yuu, sharing stories about his past (in book 7) or sharing about gargoyles to impart advice on how to overcome adversity (in book 3). More blatantly, he declares his intentions to Lilia before sentencing everyone to sleep in 7-37: “Not losing you!”

I also think… to some extent, Lilia already understands how Malleus might feel if he leaves. I get the sense that Lilia was in such a rush to go in the same way that you’d want to rip off a band-aid quickly. The more you prolong it, the worse the pain will be, that kind of logic. And before he intended to depart, Lilia tried to set things up so that Malleus would still be in good hands—inviting him to the farewell party, making sure people from all the dorms were there (perhaps so that Malleus can make new friends).

Malleus could more clearly state his feelings, sure. But I think the true root of the problem isn’t him not communicating—because even if he did so more openly, what would that resolve exactly? Time still moves forward, change still happens, his loved ones still leave him. It might be emotionally cathartic for Malleus, but ultimately he’s still left feeling lonely. The challenge for him is less putting his thoughts into words and more him learning to accept these life-altering changes instead of fighting or resisting them.

I still think that Ace could relate to Malleus in this regard, especially if they call back to 7-17, in which Ace cheerily redirects the conversation. While Deuce, Grim, and even Yuu discuss changes to their lives come summer break (going to the next grade, changing classes, Grim staying at school on his own, not being able to study together anymore), Ace challenges them with lines like, "C'mon, why do you guys have to get all mopey?", "[...] no need to join the mope patrol", " I declare Mopefest officially over!", and, "Frankly, I'm still skeptical any of this is gonna help us figure out a way to send [Yuu] home." It registers as Ace being in denial about the events about to unfold and coping by reassuring others by distracting them (when that reassurance is also aimed at himself), Ace is dishonest with himself and instead redirects those efforts to calling out others, which makes him come off as too mean or pushy even with his own friends (particularly Deuce). It would be nice to get an arc about him learning to be more vulnerable with his own emotions and better understanding those of others.

I get the feeling that Ace will get most of his actual character development and tearful reunion with Deuce, Yuu, and Grim within his own dream rather than in the final battle (the timing of the latter would just be odd). Hopefully Ace's dream written well since he's the last first year to be woken up. Save the best for last, you know?

[fromthelakes]

Emily Prentiss Headcanons

Faith and Fear: Raised in a Catholic household, Emily still carries traces of guilt and fear tied to her religious upbringing. She’s stopped believing in a benevolent God, but in moments of desperation or fear, she finds herself instinctively praying or whispering old Latin prayers. It’s a paradox she can’t quite reconcile—a tether to a childhood belief system that also judged her harshly for who she is.

Over-Apologizing: Despite her confidence, Emily has a habit of apologizing unnecessarily, particularly when she’s made someone close to her uncomfortable or feels she’s overstepped. It’s a reflexive habit she can’t unlearn, born from years of trying to make herself smaller, less obtrusive, easier to love. The words “I’m sorry” always come out of her mouth before she can stop them.

Cloud of Smoke: Emily keeps trying to quit smoking, but she secretly doesn’t want to. It’s a habit she picked up as a teen, and even though she managed to quit at one point, the habit crept back into her life during a stressful time. The feel of a cigarette between her fingers reminds her of something steady, something controllable, even if it’s slowly killing her.

No Room for Happy Endings: Emily doesn’t actually believe in happy endings. Every time she sees her teammates finding love, building families, or chasing personal dreams, she feels a pang of something ugly—envy, despair, guilt. She tells herself that people like her were made to protect those who can still find joy, not to have it for themselves.

Keeping Her Distance: While Emily cares deeply for her team, she always keeps them at arm's length emotionally. Years of betrayal and loss have taught her that closeness only leads to heartbreak. Even her romantic relationships are short-lived or built on a foundation of secrets, because she’s convinced anyone who gets to know the real her will eventually walk away. So, her solution is to leave first.

What Could Have Been: Emily doesn’t think of herself as a person who could’ve been a mother, but sometimes, when she’s at a park or watching JJ with her boys, she has these fleeting, unbearable moments of wondering. A child with her dark hair and quick wit. A child she’d read stories to in every language she knows. A child who’d run to her for comfort. Then she remembers that she could never protect them, and it feels like something she never even had is ripped away.

Always Packed, Never Home: She never keeps her bags fully unpacked. Her childhood was a blur of houses, apartments, and embassies. Each room she was given to sleep in felt like a borrowed space, filled with someone else’s furniture and memories. Even now, she never truly decorates her home—just in case she has to leave. It’s not paranoia; it’s muscle memory. She’s never felt like she was staying somewhere permanently.

The Ghost of Paris: The apartment Emily stayed in while she was “dead” in Paris still exists, untouched, exactly as she left it. She keeps paying the rent on it because part of her believes she might have to go back. She doesn’t even know what she’d be running from, but the thought of losing her escape plan makes her feel naked, vulnerable, weak. Sometimes she wonders if she’ll die there one day, just as alone as she was the first time.

A/N: Heyy, here are some of my headcanons for Emily. I'm slowly trying to get back into writing, and thought that maybe starting out with some short (and not the happiest) headcanons would be a good start. I do have cuter/softer/happier headcanons for her, but I wanted to post these first. I also have an Emily x female reader oneshot in the making, but knowing me, I'll probably abandon it.

[kaeddehara]

― 𝜗𝜚 .˚ MORE TOJI HCS/THOUGHTS — SFW + NSFW

sorry this is messy and a bit all over the place. i’m currently writing a much longer oneshot toji fic right now so here’s some scraps i came up with while writing it <3.

i feel like he’s one of those guys who kind and sweet to only you. yeah sure, he has a bit of temper at times and can say things he doesn’t really mean, but overall, he’d treat you with such kindness that you never see him give to anyone else. it comes in many forms but the most prevalent one has to be simple, small physical gestures such as :

a hand on your back when he’s trying to lead you somewhere in public

brushing some hair out of your face if you’re working on something and are too focused to move it

rubbing your shoulders if you’re stressed out or tense from the day

feel like physical touch would be his top love language honestly maybe along with acts of service <3

the list continues on all the sort of small but endearing gestures he does for you. i also feel like this feeds into his possessive nature so by doing these things, he’s claiming you as his. i feel like he’d have one of those stares at everyone else that just lets them know to not fuck with him or you. you’re just his sweet thing, hands wrapped around his thick forearm as you walk along the street.

even though i did say physical touch would be one of his main love languages, he’d definitely have to go through some warming up. he’s not exactly cold-hearted as many see him as, but his demeanor towards your kind gestures and overall demeanor make him feel a little frozen in time. he’s just been so unused to receiving kindness or praise that’s not just for the work he does that it honestly causes him to become a little standoffish to the kindness he’s receiving. i wouldn’t take it as an insult—it’s just his first steps into truly loving and appreciating you.

for example, after a couple of weeks of knowing you and going out on occasion dates, he’d finally get comfortable enough to head back to his place with you. while sitting on his couch, watching whatever movie or tv show of choice, he’d find your head laying on his shoulder. and although he has absolutely no ill will towards you, he can’t help but to feel uncomfortable at the touch. feeling tensed up as you softly cradle yourself onto him. slowly, he’d wrap his much larger arm around your body, bringing you closer to him and gently graze your skin with his fingers.

“you’re feel to stay toji, i thought you might want to since it’s pretty late” , you said as you continued to put the now dried dishes up. he was standing at the kitchen counter, rubbing the back of his head in thought.

all this kindness you give him and what’s he to do?

“if you’re offering i don’t see why not” he says in response, his his tone firm yet validating. you close the cabinet and turn around to give him a soft smile along with a soft “mhm”.

“i don’t mind and you know that.”

“jus’ don’t wanna be a bother is all…”

you almost couldn’t believe what you were hearing for a moment. toji fushiguro caring about being a bother? you wanted to smile almost giggle at his words but instead chose to be polite and not cause him to go back on any progress you’d both made.

“you’re never a bother baby, take however long you need, doesn’t bother me a bit”

while toji didn’t want to admit it, the fact you called him baby did something to him emotionally that he couldn’t explain. it took all his strength not to just grab you and push you against your hall way wall to kiss you. you were just too kind, too pretty standing there in front of him. toji couldn’t help himself and so he took a chance while he could. moving in closer to you, he watched as you did the same to him, making him more confident this was a right choice.

all of a sudden, you felt his rather cold and large finger tips slip under your night top, his hand gently rubbing the soft skin of your stomach as it moved lower and lower, getting to the waistband of your panties. “didn’t mean to startle ya”, he apologized quickly upon hearing the gasp you let out. you grabbed onto his forearm as if to encourage him to continue whatever plan he had. “don’t apologize, it feels good” you whispered in a sultry tone that made to his eyes widen a bit. he’d never truly seen this side of you and just from the start, he can already tell he won’t be able to get enough of it. grunting in response, he took his fingers off your waistband and moved two fingers in between your thighs, letting your warmth envelop his hand. another quiet gasp escaped your lips as toji continued. gently rubbing those two fingers right where you wanted him most made your head light and chest full. moving your free hand up and grab at his shirt and other hand to grab at the counter. letting a pleasured sigh leave your mouth when you felt him press harder.

“you been thinking about this huh?”

he whispered in a deep, almost sleepy like voice that went straight to your pussy. that, and his scent, deep and musky it always made you feel drawn to him and safe in his presence. you nodded instinctively, not even thinking to give some sort of vocal response and instead getting lost in the pleasure. his eyes laid on your pretty facial features as he continued to rub harder and faster, not letting up in the slightest or for any reason <3.

[bitethedevil]

Raphael and his weaponized mortality

I think it’s pretty clear from that “I am no mortal!” quote that his mortal ancestry isn’t exactly a source of pride for him. However, I still think that he utilizes it to it’s fullest. As I have talked about in an earlier post about the whole problematic situation with Haarlep: Raphael knows how to turn shit into gold. I definitely feel like this “pretending to be mortal”-thing is a big part of his character, the more I think on it. Here’s some of my thoughts:

His smell: Weird to start off with, I know but it’s the thing that actually led me to think on this. I read somewhere that cambions are entirely carnivorous, which means they have a predatory stench to them. This is interesting because Yurgir describes him as a “perfumed trickster”. He covers up the thing that would biologically make a mortal think “danger”.

His questionable poetry: While I do think it’s something he genuinely enjoys; I also think it seems like a bit of an unorthodox interest for a devil (I could be wrong). What is interesting is if you bring Karlach to the entrance to the mausoleum, she comments on his poetry and he answers something along the lines of “I’ll admit, it’s not my main interest…not by any stretch”. Poetry is something that speaks to our feelings, so it’s not weird that a devil whose emotional life is a bit different from that of a mortal, would be ‘bad’ at it. Even though the poetry that Raphael recites usually leans towards the macabre, it still sort of humanizes him that he would have an interest in such things. It is also an attempt to speak directly to our feelings (fear often in his case). The way that he says it’s not his main interest also points to the fact that he literally uses it as a tool. I think it’s the same with his theatrical nature: it’s simply him playing a human. I really do wonder how he would interact with another devil if there was no one else in the room.

His ’angelic’ complexion: In Last Light Inn, if you reveal that he is a devil to Mol, he says something along the lines of “She’d never take your word for it…not with my angelic complexion”. I could be wrong, but I’ve also read a few places that when the Flymms (Gortash’s parents) signed over Gortash, it was to a warlock. Some places I’ve read that it was a warlock OF Raphael’s, others say that the warlock WAS Raphael. This makes me wonder: How often does he show his true nature to clients before they’ve already signed, like he did with us? Or at the very least, he waits to reveal his nature until the person can’t run or are out of options. It’s then interesting to think about how transparent he is about his nature to us in comparison right from the get-go. I believe this is because he truly believes that we need the hammer, and thus there’s not as much of a reason to pretend.

I just think it’s interesting and I think it is probably the most terrifying thing about him. It puts the “I am no mortal” quote into another perspective for me. It’s who he is beneath it all that peeks through for a moment. It must also be infuriating to him that the very source of his success is due to how good he is at playing into his mortal side. It also begs the question of how much of all of this pretending has bled into his life over the years, because we see that he still talks sort of poetically (and even almost emotionally) in his private diaries. His allegiance is to the devil side of himself, but I really do wonder how much he has to suppress small aspects of the mortal side.

[meanbossart]

Just thinking thoughts about Orin and Drow lore, and idk if this has been asked already, but

If Orin had just disappeared for like a year, not even Sceleritas could find her, with how obsessive pre-tadpole Drow was how would he handle that? Aside from being prideful and murdery, I don’t remember in the pre-tadpole Drow lore about any instance (after he made it to the temple) of him expressing anything else. Did the two ever have a wholesome moment?

Hmmmm not wholesome, no. I'm sorry to disappoint people who might wanted to see a more explicitly vulnerable side to both of them at that stage in their lives, but that's just not... How I envision things. I don't think anyone born into the temple would have had much room to express themselves in the way average people do.

What they did have was an undeniable connection and mutual understanding. This lasted for about 7 years, so between ages 18-25 for DU drow. (Canonically he's currently 28, give or take). I think that, sometimes, they also silently understood among themselves that things weren't always fair or good.

This might sound like a whole load of nothing to some people, but based on the culture within the cult, Orin's story, and the behavior of everyone involved in it, it seems huge to me that two people who were essentially groomed to be the embodiment of murder would harbor any kind of care for one another, even if it was subtle. The fact that they could share a bed, talk shit about Sarevok, and seamlessly work together and share in the glory of their deeds as equals is what intimacy looked like for them - before DU drow's ego (and the very need of a more explicitly intimate connection with someone, to be fair) got to his head.

They killed together, they rolled around in blood together, they bickered and fought and one time Orin stabbed him in the gut and DU drow punched her jaw out of it's socket. Then they flopped down on the ground and cackled about it while Sceleritas rushed in to stop the bleeding. Is that wholesome? I think for deified bhaalspawn who know nothing but that life it's the closest it gets.

There had to have been quiet moments I'm sure. Like Orin waiting around while DU drow got ready to go somewhere, him adjusting her headpiece, Orin slicing her brother's long hair off when he first arrived and looked like some sort of sinewy wood's creature. At night, they probably laid in bed in silence and sometimes stared at each other until either fell asleep.

I am very interested in not inventing an obscured, soft side to Orin that we didn't get to see, you know? While she wasn't always the level of manic we see in-game, she was completely unfit to function normally due to her upbringing, and this reflects in her relationships. DU drow is also undeniably emotionally stunted, just in a slightly different way.

I got off rambling to no one's surprise LOL but to answer the first part of your question - I don't think he would have been quite as dramatic about Orin just up and vanishing, as there's no explicit suggestion of death in that. He would have been insufferable to be around for a while, but in that scenario I could see his duties keeping him busy.

Not to mention that, while through death, she would be leaving him unwillingly - disappearing with no trace implies the uncomfortable possibility that she truly, honestly, just didn't want to be around him. That allows room for contempt and bitterness to fester until you wrongly convince yourself there was never any love there at all, even if just to soothe your own conscience.

He would have just become a much, much worse person that way in the sense that he would have nothing to focus on besides for his lord's will - as horrific as his attitude towards Orin was, it is very much a human feature to desperately cling to connection. With Orin around, he had a little bit of fucked up tenderness and love in him - it was a personal desire completely separate from his "job", a vestige of free-will. Without her, he just has Bhaal and whatever Bhaal wants.

Orin has always unwittingly anchored him, and then, later freed him. And he never ever deserved any of it.

🤷

[nico-esoterica]

How to Uproot Your Deepest Fears & Change Your Life Forever:

Shadow work, essentially. Whenever I feel apprehension or fear around anything, I investigate it down to its root and I'm completely emotionally honest with myself about it. I give myself all of the love, grace, and compassion in the world and I start asking myself very simple and direct questions that I feel I need to answer.

When you give yourself the space to be brutally honest about how you genuinely feel about things, you get to the root immediately. Imo, I think it's easier to do when you're somewhere safe and isolated with zero distractions and immediate responsibilities. Do not judge yourself. Just be honest. Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm venting to a trusted person I've made up.

Identify what your ongoing concerns are. Anything that makes your chest tight or puts your stomach in knots.

How does x make you feel? Why?

Where did you learn that from? Is this belief yours or someone else's?

Is there anything about this bothering you? Why do you permit it?

Do you think you can control this? Why/Why not?

What about this scares you? Why?

Is this a behavior you want to change? Why is it hard to let it go?

Are you making this harder on yourself? Why?

In the grand scope of things, will this truly hinder anything?

You'll just keep going with these. They'll pour out of you and you'll realize you've been carrying someone else's baggage or years of pent of resentment or anxiety around people or situations which aren't relevant anymore. You can let go of that whenever you please. But it's also important to feel the catharsis of acknowledging and processing them. Get as emotional and messy with yourself as you want. After, you can release the tension you've been holding around it and let it fall away. Even though they're harmful, the brain adopts them as programs to inform and protect us. When they're outdated, they can be replaced.

At the base of yourself, you can start planting new beliefs. But as any great caregiver, you need to consistently nurture them. If you're triggered, you remind yourself of your power and of that new belief you've planted. It may feel like learning to do anything new as a child. First, it feels scary and uncomfortable. But then it becomes second nature.

You've always had the power. Now you know :)

[island-in-the-shadows]

On Felix Catton & Disgust/Desire

I had been waiting for a long while now to write this post. I wanted to do another full re-watch before I got into it because the ideas for this have been sitting in my mind for a long time. This is going to be a long post and, hopefully, not super pretentious. Most of us fans of Saltburn know, to some degree or another, that the core themes of the film revolve around disgust, desire, and obsession. And the biggest entry point to discuss this is the actions of our protagonist, Oliver Quick re the object of his disgust/desire/obsession Felix Catton.

I've written before that I believe that Oliver did know Felix and that Felix was emotionally vulnerable and candid with Oliver. I further stated that we, the audience, are forbidden from knowing the details of this intimacy because Oliver does not want us to truly know Felix. This means that the bits we get of Felix are small and very subtle. It means that we can interpret Felix's core personality, true intent, true desires in a litany of ways. My opinion is, realistically, no more valid than anyone else's. But for today, I wanted to discuss what I view, from the bits that we get, is Felix's relation with the core themes of the film. And, because I saw a truly heinous takes about a different fandom I'm in and I don't want to think about it, my brain said: hey...let's talk about Felix Catton and his disgust and desire.

Pt. 1: "Only rich people can afford to be this filthy."

When Oliver says the above, he and Felix are in Felix's messy and disgusting dorm room at Oxford. When you take a closer look at the room (which I admit was difficult on my first few views because Felix is lit and positioned to take all of your focus), it is a total shit show. There's clothes everywhere, empty containers everywhere, other unidentifiable debris...honestly wouldn't shock me if there was some used condom somewhere. We know from Oliver that, not only does it look like chaos, it smells terrible. However, Felix is unbothered. He is concerned only with the heat which, in this case, is an external force that he cannot control no matter his good looks, his charms, his pedigree, or his money. By what we see, Felix is quite happy and content in the filth. It is only when Oliver points out the filth and points out that Felix won't take care of it, that Felix reacts negatively.

Felix, as we know, is very accustomed to his messes being cleaned up for him. Before we even get to Saltburn it's a safe assumption to make. Prior to college/uni, he would've gone to some posh boarding school or other. I doubt that they were made to clean everything in boarding school (though if any of you know please let me know). We also know that wealthy people tend to have hired staff who clean for them. This is a young man who has never had to clean up his spilled milk and it has never even occurred to him to do it.

However, the important bit to note is not that Felix is messy and that it doesn't occur to him to clean. What's important to note is that the mess simply does not bother him. Just because he is born to extreme wealth and privilege does not mean that he would have to be this way. There's been germaphobe rich people or people who prefer to have a minimalistic space or any number of things. Regardless of wealth, some people are fine with mess and some people require mess to be done away with immediately. Felix is in the former category. He certainly must notice the mess at some point (even if, clearly, he's nosebleed to it) but he is comfortable in his space.

This is also true of his room at Saltburn. We barely see it, I know, but let's take a look at that glossy af pic of it from the Architectural Digest Article...

There is crap EVERYWHERE. The more you look at it the more crap you find. You can't even say that it's perfectly clean either because there's dirty clothes in spots, there's multiple pillows on the ground, there's a random used water glass, there's either toilet paper or paper towels on the night stand, the bed isn't perfectly made, I could go on. Chaos and filth and mess is, technically, Felix's natural habitat. It's the kind of mess that is surrounded by opulence, certainly, but it's still a mess.

Only rich people can afford to be this messy because they can also dictate when and where their staff cleans. Presumably, there are things in Felix's bedroom (perhaps the toilet paper/paper towels which have a...purpose) which he has instructed Duncan to leave alone. Or Elspeth has put terms for how often the maids come in the rooms. It could be framed in a multitude of ways. The point stands that Felix can exist in these chaotic and, even, disgusting spaces because he chooses to be. What his privilege does, then, is afford him absence from judgment.

We see the staff at Saltburn clean up after the party. We see that they quietly replaced a broken mirror before anyone can question the cracks. We never see the staff judge. Do they? Certainly they must, we all have opinions. But do they express their judgement to the masters of the house? No. It's not their place to do so. They are considered staff and therefore their opinions do not come into play for the Cattons nor would they want to hear them. Even Duncan's genuine unease and grief after Felix dies is mostly kept under control. He's not paid to express his emotions or his thoughts, after all.

And why go into all of this? Because Felix is content to live in the mess, to revel in the gross and in some version of the abject. What Felix cannot handle is being confronted with his pleasure. To me, this (along with wanting to separate Oliver from staff when the younger boy starts actively cleaning) is the main reason why he snaps when Oliver points out the disgusting state of the dorm. He does not need or want to know how he fits outside a specific role that he was born to play and, likely, believes he has to play. Even if it didn't occur to him to clean, he could've used his wealth and influence to find someone to clean for him. But he didn't. Because it doesn't bother him. Oliver being bothered and pointing out that Felix is so wealthy that he can live in the filth is what bothers him, instead.

Pt. 2 "Was it? Was it awful?"

I am going to keep this section short, because there have been much better posts about this and I, personally, go back and forth on this all the time. Regardless, Felix having an interest in a made up fantasy of a shitty childhood and what he can, likely, envision as some Dickensian nightmare of a situation falls into his relation to disgust and desire. What Felix knows of true poverty and addiction likely comes from media or exaggerated stories from people who have been in contact with someone who was an addict or something to that extent. His imagination must be running wild with theories. And while I do think that he did have good intentions regarding Oliver when it comes to this, his demeanour also shows an attraction to the grotty aspects of it. Oliver only ever calls him out on this, to a degree, in the maze. Before this, Felix can be interested in what he imagines is the horror of Oliver's childhood but not be caught out as being a tragedy whore or someone with a saviour complex or anything else, because his interest is not being pointed out. Again, he has an interest or desire for mess and chaos as long as it is not pointed out.

Pt. 3 "You're supposed to be here with me."

Let's, briefly, talk about queerness. Let's talk about how Felix has an image to maintain. How he has expectations put upon him. Yes, he has privilege and wealth beyond understanding, but these things often have a tradeoff. Celebrities, for example, have to forfeit a lot of their privacy. Royalty and nobility (regardless of country) often forfeit chunks of their privacy and the possibility of living outside of a script (publicly, at any rate). Felix CANNOT go off script.

He is implied to be the heir to Saltburn and everything that comes with it: money, land, title, expectations. Like in the days of old, it's probably expected of him to produce an heir. It's also expected of him to marry a lady from his class in order to produce said heir. And, back in 2006/7, people were less acceptating of LGBTQ+ people that they are now, and Same-Sex marriage was not a thing in the UK and it wouldn't be for another 7 or so years. So Farleigh, who will inherit nothing and only ever be given scraps, can embrace his queerness; Felix cannot.

Personally, I believe that Felix did have some sort of interest in Oliver. It's not just in the fact that he is possessive of Oliver to the point of disregarding his family. It's in all the Bambi eyed looks that we see Felix give Oliver. You could argue that these are exaggerations from Oliver but then, how do you explain the POV shots we get of Felix looking at Oliver? How they are also romance coded, lustful, pinky and fluffy? There is something there. To what extent there was something is pure conjecture. But, I personally believe that he had some kind of feelings for Oliver but could not express those feelings and, to an extent, found his feelings for Oliver disgusting.

Even if his mother is, in her way, tolerant of queer people, this does not mean that she would be ok with Felix being with a man. I doubt his father, who is in his 60s at the time, would be any happier about it. Again, Felix needs to have an heir and take over Saltburn. So, at most, they would've tolerated that Felix had a "friend" tucked away somewhere that Felix could go to every so often. Queerness is not the desired outcome and so, at some point, Felix would've had to separate any feelings from the matter. And, hypothetically, in boarding school any hand jobs etc. from other boys would be viewed as part of a norm that exists within the realm of "no homo."

So, given he has been emotionally intimate with Oliver and, given that he has felt more for Oliver than he probably thinks he should, he feels disgust as much as he feels desire. He can, and personally I think does, want Oliver, but feels disgusted by his feelings and has a strong desire to keep them channeled in the "appropriate" way. Just the same, he gets jealous and he does not want to share. He cannot abide by Oliver being free to pursue another partner (guarantee he would be equally as incensed if he had found out about Farleigh and it probably would've slightly registered had Oliver actually slept with Indabel). It's specifically a slap in the face that it's Venetia who has done this kind of thing before and who is allowed to be physical with these friends of Felix's with whom Felix does not feel he could or should be physically intimate. Thus, the possession and the jealousy and the spurned wife behaviour of it all.

Pt. 4 "You make my fucking blood run cold."

Bref, I think Felix had good intentions but poor thinking skills when he wanted to take Oliver to his parents' house. Multiple posts have discussed this bit and I do think he wanted to further trauma bond with Oliver the way they further trauma bonded when Oliver's dad "died", afterwards, per the script, they were "closer than ever." And then they had that intimate moment on the bridge and spent some time there completely alone instead of being at a giant party. I think he thought that the experience would bring them closer and that he would be there to, in his way, protect Oliver. And I still think this plays in to all the little ways in which Felix desires disgust and is disgusted by his desires. But he does it anyway.

The betrayal of trust and intimacy that follows has to feel like a bomb has gone off in Felix's mind. But what's worse for him, again this is solely my opinion, is that he still desires Oliver regardless. It might not have fully formed in his head and he then dulled it with drugs and alcohol and with his shoddy attempt at fucking Indabel in the maze, but possibly the inkling of why Oliver lied the way he did had entered his brain. Oliver already tried to explain. Told Felix in the hallway when they got back that he wanted to be Felix's friend. And Felix likely relived his entire relationship with Oliver including what Oliver just told him. And, to me, Felix was not entirely opposed to it. He didn't immediately kick out Oliver or cause too much of a fuss. He wanted space. He wanted to not think about it for a while. But Oliver forced his hand.

Again, here we have a Felix who is disgusted by his desire. A Felix who, deep down, knows that he likes that Oliver lied. That he likes that Oliver desires him so much that he would do anything for him. Likes that, despite NEVER wanting anyone to know the most debauched parts of him, Oliver is close to knowing all of his darkest parts and loving him for them just the same. But a Felix who, nonetheless, does not allow himself to revel in the filth once it's pointed out.

And Oliver points it out. In a big way. "Everyone puts on a show for Felix! [...] doesn't this just prove how much of a good friend I actually am? How well I actually know you!" He does know him. Felix knows this. Felix CANNOT go off script. Felix cannot acknowledge his love for things that are disgusting or less than savoury. So too he cannot allow them or acknowledge them here. And then we have something in the script vs. how Jacob actually looked that's what inspired me to write this overly long post in the first fucking place.

This is not the exact beat. Because this is after Felix says his line about his blood running cold. The vibe is the same, though. Regardless...is THAT the fact of disgust? Because to me, that is not disgust. That is some form of desire that most mortals will never experience. But then...it also IS disgust. Because the two are intertwined for him. Because he desires because of the disgust at the situation and at the lengths of debasement Oliver will go to to please him. He is a boy who loves mess and chaos and who makes his home there. And, to whatever extent, his heart could've made a home in the mess and chaos and filth that Oliver brought to the table. Even if Felix has to be disgusted at his desires and prevent them. Even if Oliver took any option or opportunity away from Felix.

Oliver makes his blood run cold, but Felix never said that was a bad thing. And it isn't. Just as Oliver revels in the filth of bodies and their fluids and the inferred possession that comes with them, so too Felix revels in the filth of places and things he shouldn't want and things he can only truly savour in the shadows where no one points them out.

TL;DR Felix is as much of a freak as Oliver is, though in a different way. He is shown to be comfortable and even like messy and gross things but, he only does so when it's not pointed out. He can be, to a point, physically close and emotionally intimate with Oliver and, even partially overlook a betrayal of this intimacy, but only if it's never pointed out. Only if it doesn't break with the expectations and social script on which he has been raised and to which he has to stick. He serves to demonstrate the relationship with disgust and desire as much as Oliver does, but his relation is more subtle and harder to see. And maybe, just maybe, given time, he would've at least bent the script.

--------------------------------------0--------------------------------------

Super sorry for how long this is, I just needed to get it out! Thanks to @ollieapologist for being my biggest cheerleader about this post. Sorry if this is incoherent!

[mycosmicsage]

Lesson Two: Moon Signs for Beginners

Welcome back to your next lesson! Today we are going to take a walk through the moon signs.

For a recap there are twelve signs in astrology:

-♈Aries 

-♉Taurus

-♊Gemini

-♋Cancer 

-♌Leo

-♍Virgo

-♎Libra

-♏Scorpio

-♐Sagittarius 

-♑Capricorn

-♒Aquarius 

-♓Pisces

Each sign has its own special spot for personality when looking through the lens of different planets. Today we are going to be looking at what those planets look like through the lens of the moon.

Your moon sign is how you react emotionally to the world. When your ego (the sun) interacts with the world, it is then taken by the moon internally for how you are going to feel about it. 

To figure out your moon sign, you can look at which sign the moon was on the day you were born. The moon has a transit of 2.5 days through each sign, finally reaching the top (Aries) again on the 28th day.

If you don’t know your moon sign there are two ways to go about it. You can either make a lunar calendar, or look up a calculator online. I hope to one day have this tool available, but unfortunately today is not that day.

Now that you know your moon sign (or not I don’t judge), we’ll take a walk through what is going on, on the inner level of self with the moon.

The Zodiac through the Moon

♈Aries- The Ram

With Aries being in the moon, the best way to describe it is the feeling of needing to get somewhere incredibly important really quickly. However, it never seems like anyone else in the world got that memo, so you are stuck in impossibly slow Sunday drivers, day in and day out. Nothing happens fast enough. Aries in the moon is like the sign of instant gratification, needing something and needing it now. No matter what that means for anybody else. Aries is still an incredibly passionate sign, with tempers flaring fast in this planet. But as tempers rise quickly, they so do fall. Emotions aren’t a mainstay in this sign, and will continue on continuing on as though you didn’t say something to set them off. 

♉Taurus- The Bull

In the sun, Taurus enjoys kicking back and feeling all the luxuries that the world has to offer them. In the moon they’re a bit different, Taurus’ ruling planet is Venus, or the planet of love, and Taurus’ tend to love, love. They keep an eye out for where they can find peace in their day to day and tend to avoid things that might get a bit… messy… It doesn’t mean that they aren’t up for a bit of drama, but, they rather prefer the stability that they can create in a day to day life. However, as much as it may be peaceful, it can also be incredibly stagnating and Taurus will need to watch themselves to avoid a rut. 

♊Gemini- The Twins

Oh the Twins. Flighty as a personality, and flighty with emotions. One moment they can be happy and laughing right along with you, and the next their stewing because your tone seemed off. Unlike Aries, or Taurus- Gemini does try to keep it to themselves most of the time, not wanting to make their issues anyone else’s problem, but if asked they will share. A Gemini moon could be dealing with some of the worst hardships, but make it seem as though there is nothing even special going on in their life at the time. A quality shared by the other air signs as well (Libra and Aquarius), all of them seeming more aloof then the other zodiacs, and as though there couldn’t be anything beneath the surface. 

♋Cancer- The Crab

Just like with Leo in the Sun, a Cancer in the moon is in its spotlight. Cancer is at home in this sign, their emotions coming and going like the waves that the moon so pushes. They hold on deeply to the things that they care about, it's because of this that they can sometimes hold on to a past argument or diss for a little too long. Cancers can hold a grudge like no one else (save for Scorpio more on that later). They can bring up an argument again and again, and reiterate how much you hurt their feelings over and over. All that a Cancer in the moon truly seeks though is security, and comfort that comes with the shell. Reassurances that their feelings are not invalid and you’ll have a Cancer back up and feeling good in seconds. 

♌Leo- The Lion

Leo’s in the moon are a bit different from their sun counterpart in that while they enjoy attention, they aren’t necessarily wanting their emotions broadcast out to the world. Just those close to them. This can be a fairly dramatic placement with Leo sometimes having emotional outburst that seem to come from nowhere, and can be a bit bossy to boot. However, just like their sun counterpart they want to make people feel good, this can often be a class clown placement, wanting to make people laugh. Sometimes even taking on more of a parental role in their friend groups and just wanting to make sure everyone is doing ok. This sign like its fire brethren can be quite temperamental, but it is the easiest fire sign to reason with as they do have a good sense of fair headedness. 

♍Virgo- The Maiden

When it comes to the moon being in Virgo, this can be an incredibly unsettled position. The moon is a very mental position of the inner self, and Virgo is a sign that is ruled by the mental capacity. This position can be incredibly anxious and reserved, not really wanting to put themselves out there for the world to see. Instead choosing to sit back and watch the tide roll so to speak. Virgo in this position is also seen to try to control the little things at home, creating a safer environment for themselves to exist in. They will constantly be looking for little projects or things to do that will make their day-to-day life that much simpler, keeping a fairly tidy and organized space that they can lose themselves in. 

♎Libra- The Scales

Oh Libra, you hopeless romantic you. People with Libra moons, just like Taurus (they’re both ruled by Venus), love relationships- however, unlike Taurus, a Libra in this sign will feel empty without having a significant other and tend to latch themselves on to people quite quickly. Relationships move fast with people in this sign, often hearing wedding bells a few months into a new relationship. Because this sign is all about balance, they may end up letting their partner walk over them a fair few times. However, that’s not to say they don’t know when they need to “fix” something so to speak. Libra is a very aethstetic sign, and if they find something that's out of place in their head they will throw everything at the wall until it's “fixed” often leading to a lot of their relationships ending fairly early. 

♏Scorpio- The Scorpion

What a dramatic placement. Scorpios are already an intense sign and in this position they tend to get even deeper. Water signs and the moon are typically more in their element and a bit more intuitive. So with Scorpio being a sign that is all about rebirth and seeing through the curtains as it were, this sign in the moon can often see through other people's B.S. and often lift the veil. This sign can also hold a grudge like no one’s business when it comes to the inner self. Whereas Aries' temper is flashy and a bright explosion the heat quickly dying off, Scorpio’s can sit and fester in a cold, uncaring rage for those who upset them. 

♐Sagittarius- The Archer

Still as flighty as ever Sag., especially in this placement. Sagittarius is a fire sign that is all about self-expression and freedom. Finding their passions in the free world. In the moon this expresses as a desire to not be emotionally caged in, and wanting to escape. They’re all down for having a partner join them, don’t get me wrong, but the moment that things start to feel too cagey for their liking all they want to do is dip out faster. These signs do not enjoy confrontation, and will often avoid it to the best of their abilities. A Sagittarius in the moon is all about finding their own inner passion, and figuring out how to share it with the world surrounding them. 

♑Capricorn- The Goat

Unlike Cancer, this placement was not meant for you Capricorn. Capricorn in the moon is to its detriment, not a happy placement. Capricorn is strong and stable, and emotions and the inner self are not. So oftentimes when you find a Capricorn moon you can see that they have troubles connecting with their inner emotions and truly expressing themselves and their desires. They want their focus to be on the outer world, and the prestige that it can bring them, more than what they want from themselves. In order to feel more secure, and to reach that ability to “let go” of their tight reigns around themselves a Capricorn moon often just needs to feel valued and secured in order to truly feel at home. 

♒Aquarius- The Water Bearer

You kooky little aliens you, this is an interesting placement in the moon. As stated the moon is all about inner self and true desires, Aquarius as a sign is very detached as an outside observer looking in. This sign in this placement is very analytical. Often observing the why of why other people behave versus looking in at themselves. They can often alienate other people from seeming so detached from their emotions, however, this a humanitarian sign and they want to try to help others work through what they consider to be the messier states of being. On the other hand it is also a placement that does not take critique well, and can cause them to stand back and remain aloof if they feel as though they can’t be their true self with you. Almost like trying to catch the smell of winter in a glass jar, these ones, near impossible to capture.

♓Pisces- The Fish

Let's take a not set in reality sign, and then let's go into their headspace, what do you think you’ll find? Heavy intuition, and a dreamy personality. This placement can often look through doors and imagine scenarios to see the actual truth of a matter, often calling things before they happen. This is a very soft, and kind hearted placement (don’t get me wrong they still know how to play a manipulation angle at times), but really one of the main cornerstones of Pisces is that they believe in the better half of people. Oftentimes these signs are wearing their hearts on their sleeve and can get hurt a lot. It’s child-like innocence, and a dreamy quality that you don’t see in many people. 

That's all she wrote on the moon signs, stay tuned for more to come!

Stay groovy,

The Cosmic Sage

Check me out on my other internet spaces:

www.mycosmicsage.com

www.instagram.com/mycosmicsage

www.ko-fi.com/cosmicsage

[loveemagicpeace]

🧚🏼‍♀️⭐️Life Events🫧💭

🪐Saturn works like this-when you are ready to learn, the teacher appears and showed you ways how you can do something, what you can learn from it. But when you are truly ready, then the teacher disappears.

🌊8th house shows how we go through someone's death and how we experience it. How we feel about it. The 8th house shows how a part of us dies when a person who was close to our heart dies. Gemini in 8th house means that someone's death will always be personal for us. The person will always say goodbye with the last words. Because gemini rules over mercury. Scorpio in 8th house means that it will be very difficult for you to get over the person, but the person's death will completely transform you. Aquarius in 8th house can mean that a person dies suddenly and you find out about it only later( the next day or something). Also people with saturn in 8th house can mean that you are far away when someone dies. And that people's deaths can be public or shared with the public. Saturn in the 8th house can be a difficult position because you can blame yourself when someone dies. Or you feel that you could do more for the person or be with them more.

💜I really appreciate how private Scorpios are. They really understand the importance of privacy. Especially someone who has mars and scorpio will never share private things on social networks or with others. They like to process things themselves. They never make drama around the relationship. I often see that they don't like to share their relationship with others.

🪴The signs that are the most dramatic in my opinion are leo and gemini. Geminis love rumors and therefore they also like to talk about everything that happened to them. Leos like to be dramatic about themselves and then like to share the drama with others. I honestly think that these two signs don't know how to keep things to themselves when anything is going on.

🫧Men with libra placements have a taste for style. I really like this because they will really always want to be beautiful for you and they put a lot into beauty. Whatever other signs/ placements they may have, libra will always make them want to be beautiful. They will appreciate the beauty in you. Not just the body or sexual stuff. But the face and that real beauty that you have.

🦋Libra moon many times I see that these people are very friendly and always make people comfortable around them. They emit friendly energy, regardless of other signs, they will always look out for other people. And they put a lot on relationships, it is very important to them how they get along with people and how others feel emotionally. With them, you always know that they will put relationship first.

🌅Where Jupiter lies in your chart, you may experience some significant losses. Losses which, in retrospect, benefit you. For ex.: Someone with Jupiter in Sagittarius misses a flight to Spain and then this plane was diverted somewhere else due to problems. Jupiter in 1st house- You want to go get a tattoo, but then the tattoo artist cancels on you and in the end you find out that he is not that good at his job. Jupiter in 11th house- you lose a friend because he was not honest with you and betrayed you and later you meet someone who teaches you what true friendship is. Jupiter sextile Saturn- you lose the opportunity to enroll in a new college but later you find something that really makes you happy.

🌠Mars in Scorpio-I have noticed many times that these people are controlling. They want things to go their way. But they are very persistent when they really want something and will do anything for a person. I like that they don't give up on the relationship easily and that they take a serious approach to the relationship. Well, their focus will not be diverted elsewhere when they broke up with the person, but they will use their time to heal. I think they can have energy for just one person and that person can be present in their life for a long time. They take a long time to release something.

🎡Placements in 9th house can mean that you will meet a person on a trip or that you will be together with someone from another culture/country. Maybe even a famous person because this house also represents a part of fame (being known all over the world).

⛵️9th house is also good house for synastry because you can experience a lot with this person. You can, for example, go on a plane for the first time, go abroad or experience something you might not have done before (a kiss in the rain, a picnic on the beach...). It's a very open house and you can learn a lot from the person as well. And it is also a house of marriage.

🏞️People with a Gemini placements many times they are looking for someone who can teach them something. They really like people who are intelligent, smart and like to communicate. And they value many times the thinking of others and are attracted to the thinking of someone. You have to actually be interesting to them, to always surprise them with your actions and words. I also noticed that they like challenges or word games.

🎤11th house shows your contact with social networks and famous people. A lot of planets in this house can mean that celebrities notice you sooner. So for ex.: Venus in 11th house- can mean that you can attract someone who is famous or a popular artist. It can mean that you can also have a romantic relationship with him. Or they quickly notice you because of your beauty, charming energy. Pluto in 11th house- It can mean that you have a deeper connection with someone who is famous or that you can often attract people who are mysterious. This can also mean that you are attracted to artists who are no longer around. In society, you can often have a seductive and sexual energy.

⭐️ I will do part 2 -comment if you are interested⭐️

-Rebekah🦋💭🫧

[feralgodmothers]

I think I cracked it you guys. A part of why Elvis (2022) has such a hold on me (and why you should watch it too if you haven’t already).

The first time I watched it, I didn’t really have any expectations - I wasn’t a fan of Elvis, because my mother hated him, and I grew up without any real exposure to him or his music. I also wasn’t a fan of Baz Luhrmann, because I found his directing style to be too over-the-top, chaotic, and truthfully - obnoxious. So neither of those two big names attached to it were a draw-in for me. And on top of that, I didn’t know Tom Hanks was in it, and I didn’t know who Austin Butler was - not to mention there’s been an abundance of music biopics lately. The only thing that captured my attention was how accurately the trailer portrayed the fangirl spirit. I was like ‘Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s like. I can relate to that’, lol. So with that being the only thing that held my interest, I put it on and just shrugged and thought ‘Who knows, this might be fun’.

I was completely blown away.

I had seen a few clips of Elvis prior to this at some point in my life, so I had just enough reference in my memory to go on while I watched Austin do his thing, and he nailed it. It took no time at all for you to feel like you were actually watching Elvis Presley, not just some guy playing him. Austin Butler was flawless - he’s received a tremendous amount of praise for his performance, and quite frankly - I don’t think there could ever be enough praise for what he was able to accomplish here. It is one of the best performances of all time, and that is no exaggeration. It was so exciting - the amount of movie magic (that’s been sorely lacking from films lately) was on full display here, and it gave me new life. I felt a real connection to a completely different era in our history, a connection to a whole other generation of people/fans, and to a music legend that I knew almost nothing about, and who pop culture had twisted into some mythical caricature of himself. This film accomplishes so much, and I was caught up in a whirlwind of something truly eye-opening and magical. The main takeaway I had from my first time viewing was pure excitement and adrenaline, from just being transported somewhere else entirely, both emotionally and spiritually, and from unlearning some misconceptions I had about Elvis Presley. And, as a bonus, I now had a new celebrity crush in Austin Butler (and we all know - stumbling across someone new to thirst over will always be a profound part of the fangirl experience, lol).

The second time I watched it, I was going in still riding that high that I felt - and I was ready to immerse myself into full, thirsty fangirl mode. And obviously I did thirst - but by the end of the film, I was so incredibly emotional. I cried so much, and felt so sad. Of course, I felt sad by the end the first time I watched it too - Elvis died tragically early, and the way the movie highlighted his final performance was so effectively heartbreaking and moving. But I think the more positive feelings I had experienced before had prevented me from sinking too low into my feelings. But by that second viewing, man… the dam just broke, and I was legitimately mourning this man. I’m not kidding when I say this is probably the best biopic I’ve ever seen, and possibly one of the best movies period that I’ve ever seen. I cannot express strongly enough how much it truly resonates with me.

Anyway, my whole point in saying that I cracked it, I say as a fangirl through-and-through - I think the two biggest impacts that can ignite a fangirl’s spirit into a full, dazzling and glorious blaze is: thirst and heartbreak. And this movie provided both of those things in spades. It’s so beautiful to watch - Austin’s beautiful, the storytelling is beautiful, the cinematography is beautiful, the care, dedication, and craft is beautiful. To me, it is absolutely perfect, and it has completely taken over my mind, heart, and soul. I cannot recommend this film highly enough. It is everything to me right now, and the more people who are willing to give it a chance and enjoy it, the better.

[princesssarisa]

I once reblogged a post about Disney's Beauty and the Beast where the OP wrote that in a sequel, they'd like to see Prince Adam still struggling to control his temper at times. I think I agree: anger issues don't easily go away. But there's something else I'd like to see in a sequel even more:

I want Prince Adam to make peace with the Beast.

I also want him to know that Belle has made peace with the Beast.

I want Adam to accept the fact that he was once spoiled, selfish, and unkind, and not to excuse it in the least, but to understand that he was made that way by his royal upbringing, not born that way. I want him to see that he can choose to behave differently in the present without hating his past self.

I want him to accept his temper – to realize that just as long as he doesn't act on it in harmful ways, it's okay to feel overwhelming anger when he's attacked or threatened. I want him to know that despite the importance of controlling it, his anger doesn't make him a bad or unlovable person, and that it can be used for good too. Namely to fiercely protect the people he cares about, as when he fought off the wolves to save Belle.

I also want him to accept the fact that he lost interest in dignity and gave in to his feral, "beastly" instincts: wearing tattered clothes, eating like a messy animal, ripping and smashing everything in the West Wing in his rages, etc. I don't want him to remember it as a character flaw, but to know that it was partly the fault of the spell warping his mind and partly out of sheer despair.

I want him to remember that he was never all bad. Even at his most beastly, he was moved by Belle’s request to take her father’s place as his prisoner, which made him agree to the exchange even before he realized that she might break the spell. Then when he saw her crying, he felt compassion and remorse, and he gave her a comfortable room and free rein of the castle. While his ferocious rage when he caught her in the West Wing was inexcusable (his anger itself was justified, but not his reaction that made her afraid for her life), he was instantly racked with remorse, and when he realized she had run into the forest and was being threatened by wolves, he risked his life to save her, which inspired her to give him a second chance.

Then, after he comes to these conclusions, I want him to be assured that Belle has done the same. I want him to know that Belle truly loves him, not just a role he learned to play to please her.

There's a comment somewhere or other on TV Tropes (I think on the Fridge Brilliance page), which says that the Beast "had to learn to hate himself" to become a better person. That breaks my heart. I don't want him to go through life hating himself and pretending to be someone else, or, if he does, for it to be portrayed as a good thing. That's no way to live.

I've been thinking of more recent Disney/Pixar movies like Turning Red and Inside Out 2, which promote accepting the messy sides of yourself (without using that acceptance as an excuse to behave badly, though) and loving every part of yourself. Beauty and the Beast obviously isn't about that mindset, but arguably just the opposite – some of the creative team have said that the Beast's character arc is about the universal process of learning to control our "animal" instincts and become civilized human beings. But are these movies’ different messages mutually exclusive? I'd like to think the Beast/Prince Adam can choose to be a civilized human being, yet fully accept the "animal" part of himself too.

I know that part of the problem is that I see parallels between the Beast and a neurodivergent person. Lack of social skills, physical messiness, struggle to connect emotionally with others, overpowering anger under stress that he struggles to regulate, etc. I see my own AuDHD qualities in him – maybe I'm projecting them too much onto him – and I feel as if part of his character arc is about learning to "mask." I know this wasn't the creative team's intention, but it feels that way. I don't want Adam to spend his entirely life masking and hating what's under the mask, or to think Belle loves only the mask and not his true self.

Let him make peace with the Beast.

[rmorde]

To add another layer of tragedy to Geto's "Fall" is just how poorly SaShiSu communicated with each other post-Toji.

Before everything fell apart for them, SaShiSu are in harmony with one another:

Satoru is the impulsive loudmouth assuming anything and everything.

Suguru is the responsible caretaker silently analyzing everything.

Shoko is the unbiased, unflappable, and supportive observer.

They play each other off really well as seen in EP 1* Basketball Scene.

Satoru instigates trouble.

Suguru was ready to rein him in.

Shoko leaves them to hash it out themselves (and presumably heal their beaten asses later).

Their trio just works. They understand each other and react accordingly.

However, Suguru changed post-Toji. He went out of sync and neither Satoru nor Shoko noticed. Their dynamics here backfired.

Satoru is assumptious. As far as he was concerned, Suguru was okay because his image of him as his "equal" never shattered. Satoru assumed that Suguru is still keeping up with him - that they are still the Strongest together. He never noticed that Suguru is faltering because he was blind to it.

Shoko is reactive. She never really takes the initiative with Satoru and Suguru. She always leaves others to their own businesses and only comes in to help during the aftermath or when asked to without judgement. She may have noticed Suguru is struggling but waited for him do or say something about it first.

Suguru is a martyr. Being the "responsible one" meant he cannot be a bother to Satoru and Shoko. He would rather wrestle his own demons alone than show weakness to them because if he did, then what else is he? What would be his role in their relationship? So, he suffered in silence.

Suguru changed but he tried to maintain his old dynamic with his friends. Meanwhile, Satoru was too comfortable to notice the change and Shoko was too patient to adapt to it.

SaShiSu were rendered unable to communicate properly their needs and care for each other until they broke apart.

This is a problem which, frankly, I think still plagues Shoko and Satoru in the current time.

Shoko remains a steadfast and stalwart friend. She always has Satoru's back even if it was against the higher ups.

But she still waits for Satoru to reach out and ask for her first. She is still unable to take the initiative in their interactions. Hence, she felt like Satoru is not truly seeing her support.

Satoru is still an assumptious friend who respects and relies on Shoko's strength - as their resident doctor and his "rock". He likely never thought that Shoko needed his overt appreciation and reassurance of their relationship.

Shoko also trusts him. Satoru draws confidence from that. So he'd most assuredly wouldn't show any vulnerability to worry her even if he wants to. He didn't want to break her trust.

In short, SaShi are two emotionally constipated fools that are still communicating poorly with each other. What a pair of painfully mutually pining friends. They should be locked up somewhere together so they can hash things out between them.

I mean, look at these two. They walk so far apart from each other.

And yet, they are keeping up with each other's pace.

Just talk with each each other for real. Please 😭

[juniperhillpatient]

I’m about to watch the last episode of “a man on the inside” & im so very sad that it’s going to be over that my ass legit teared up 😭 & then I was like “girl LOL what 💀 how much wine have you had lmao” because I really don’t get emotional over shows this way. like sure I get worked up about fandoms I love but not emotional like tearing up. & like I looked & I swear I’ve only 2 glasses! that’s honestly the exact same as having no alcohol for a chronic wino like me. it’s literally just raw love for this show happening here.

I don’t even know the last time a show hit me like this. I love it so much. it’s just so real like. idk man. I just think this show is gonna hit you emotionally like a ton of bricks if you’ve ever spent any amount of time in an assisted living facility for any reason but like mm…… not even like a ton of bricks exactly. because it’s subtle. It’s funny. It’s cute. It’s light & easy to watch. It’s just also so very very real.

The way this show has handled the mundanity of death as well as the often comedic nature of a bunch of old people living together in a community space, the brutality but also comedy of memory issues, the complexity of family relationships as people age, just…. All of it is so incredibly real & well written. I still have this last episode to watch & I hope it wraps up beautifully but either way…. This show has read as a love letter to senior living communities & the folks living & working in them for 7 thirty minute episodes so far & however it goes in the end, it’s just brought me so much joy as someone who works in a place like that even though I could be making much more money somewhere else because I love it so much.

I even showed this show to my gram who worked as a nurse in nursing homes for thirty some years. She’s having some memory issues herself & going through some of that really fucking hard stuff right now. But she’s one of my best friends in the world & she watched this entire show in one sitting & she & I were able to relate over how very very real it is from both of us having spent a lot of time working in places like Pacific View ❤️ This show just truly feels like it was written with so much care & love for the setting & characters ❤️