#but also the second she says no. not this. only the real you. the you not caught up in the darkness

[standfortheangels]

@euphorbic

It doesn't really follow the same pattern as these, and I don't know if it'll help, but I myself was cured of a really bad spider phobia. As a grown adult I would be reduced to tears if I got stuck somewhere with a spider, and I genuinely used to think, 'If I got trapped in a burning building, and there's a spider- even a tiny one or a dead one- between me and the only exit.... I'm dead.'

I got fixed through gradual exposure therapy (which worked Amazingly btw, I Highly recommend it) and there were a couple of moments that I want to highlight, because I never in my wildest dreams expected them.

Being a step-by-step thing, I went from looking at pictures of spiders, to watching videos of them, to sitting with a real one in a jar in the room, and so on.

At the video stage, my therapist had me watch one video on a loop until I calmed down and could watch it without fear. It was of a spider falling into a full sink, flailing its way to the edge, and climbing back out using a flannel that was left there. And then it would show a real close-up as the spider brushed the water droplets off of its gross, buggy, hairy body and head. At least, that's how I felt the first few times. But one loop around, I suddenly realised that the way it cleaned its head.. it was doing the exact movement my dog does when she cleans her face with her paws. (She's a weird dog. I swear poodles are half feline) For a brief moment... I looked at that spider and saw my sweet little pup, and then had to tell my therapist "I just thought that spider looked CUTE." in, honestly a bit of a 'what have you done to me' tone, but we had a laugh about it

The next moment was a bit further on, and happened at home.

As someone who had this phobia since childhood, I don't know how many times someone told me this, and I'm sure you'll have heard it too;

"It's more afraid of you than you are of it."

I used to hate this phrase, because it didn't help at all. Also because, I think they were underestimating how afraid I actually was. But one day in my room, I noticed a little spider on a houseplant of mine. Normally, this would be a disaster. I don't kill spiders- it's not fair that it should die just because I'm afraid- but I was WAY too scared to be able to catch them and put them outside. So I would just sit there, terrified, but staring at it because I was also terrified of losing sight of it, because then it could be Anywhere. I would sit afraid, moving away if it got too close but never looking away, just waiting for someone to rescue me.

But this time, I was in therapy. This time, I'd learned that I could desensitise myself if I was patient. So I sat on my bed and watched it. And once I wasn't very scared anymore, I edged closer. The spider went around the stem/trunk of the plant, so I had to lean forward to look around and keep watching it. It froze for a second, then went to the side I couldn't see Again. I moved to see it again, and I saw it's legs moving a lot, and it turning to look in different directions. It was like it didn't know what to do or where to go.

And then I realised.. it was panicking. It wasn't just wandering around this plant being a mindless little bug thing- it was going where I couldn't see it, on purpose. It had noticed me, and was trying to Hide. This tiny creature saw a massive Human closing in on it, and now it was frantically trying to get out of sight.

I sat back immediately, and felt so bad for it. In that moment I realised, that old phrase wasn't Just there to dismiss or deny my fear- it was true. This spider was genuinely terrified. And all the times I'd felt completely trapped by my fear meant I knew exactly what this spider was going through. And I wanted it to find somewhere it could feel safe again. I wanted it to know I wasn't a threat to it, so I moved away and stopped staring. It was eye-opening, to say the least. I'd never stopped to actually consider whether spiders have emotions or not before, but watching that one proved to me that they definitely do. They really are just. Little animals, that don't want to be in our space, like any other wild animal. It took a while to process and sorta shifted my view of them entirely. And for the first time in my life, I felt okay losing sight of a spider in my room.

A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad

[lgbtpopcult]

Ranking the Top 10 GL Series of 2024

10. My marvelous Dream is You

A highly expected gl from Idol Factory that fell short of our expectations not for lack of chemistry from its love team (they in fact had some of the best chemistry in the industry) but because of the bad writing. The writing simply didn't allow the story to flourish. The couple spent most of the series apart, and we don't mean simply not in a relationship. They hardly spend any time together at all, and when they did, there were no romantic moments happening most of the time. What saved the series was its couple that sold the rare moments they had together really well. No surprise that they're dating in real life.

9. Apple My Love

Short and sweet, this story was a fun little romcom that fulfilled its purpose well. The couple needed to prove themselves as a love team, and they did. Happy to know they got a new series out of it.

8. Petrichor

For the people who had heard of Englot but had only seen them as a love team on Show Me Love, their popularity remained a mystery until this series. This police drama/romance has been good enough to prove they may not be the team with the best chemistry out there, but they're definitely not completely deprived of it like Show Me Love made us think. The series itself is interesting if you like your romance in small doses amidst the action.

7. Blank The Series

Here comes the controversy. One of the most successful and also controversial series of the year. We have to acknowledge that unlike what some fans would like us to believe the problem was not in the age difference per say but in the fact that one of them was 21 and initially very immature for her age. However, she was not underage, she was not unintelligent, and she had agency. She was the one who persistently pursued the relationship. The story was exciting and passionate. Also, mommy issues sell.

6. 23.5

A series that gave milklove, a much beloved love team, its chance to shine. It was a sweet high school romance that was enjoyable for most people and had some great highs. Its jealousy episode was one of the best around, and both of the admins here in lgbtpopcult are willing to die on that heel. It did, however, have the limitations of an innocent high school romance. A lot of time was dedicated to side characters and the couple could not be shown in a more mature relationship. Still, a good time!

5. Mate the Series

It is endlessly entertaining to watch Gen and Aoey interact. The perfect ice queen, rich girl that wanted to only be with the perfect man (somehow nobody was ever the perfect man) trying to resist her innocent, tempting friend. They are funny and sweet and passionate at the same time. The series does a good job of focusing on their relationship with little interest in anything else

4. The Loyal Pin

This production, supported by the Thai ministry of culture, definitely deserves its spot at number 4. At 16 episodes and with great production value, it is a journey through time that not only shows us the love story between two women but also the food, dance, and customs of the country of Thailand. The love story itself did a good job of remaining entertaining by inserting some jealousy and lots of obstacles in the course of the couple.

3. Affair the Series

A fierce debate broke out amongst us about whether this series would occupy the third or the second place in this list. You see half of it, the second half, was so incredibly good. The push and pull of a couple with exploding chemistry while they lived together. The obsession Wan had with Pleng. The amazing love scenes. But the first part of the series dragged it down. The chemistry was there from the beginning but they spend too much time in the past when the leads were young, and one of them was pushing the other to be with a guy just to avoid her feelings. That part wasn't bad, It had its moments, but it was at times frustrating and too long. A great series nonetheless.

2. Pluto

This series has it all. A love team with great chemistry, an interesting plot, good acting, and quality writing. It did not only show us an exciting romance but addressed issues of disability and even teased a throuple (through a side couple don't worry the mains are as crazy in love as gl couples should be). Insert some surprising twists and turns and it's a go!

1. The Secret of Us

The number 1 spot could go to no other series. It wasn't even a debate. Lingorm, the love team comprised of Ling and Orm, was tasked with proving a gl can go toe to toe with straight romance series on a major Thai network. They knocked it out the park! The Secret of Us was super successful. Throughout its run, it remained in the top 10 of Netflix in Thailand and the other Asian countries it was available in. It frequently occupied the number 1 spot, and its numbers on the network's own streaming app surpassed those of its straight counterparts. There was a reason for all of that. The story was a very popular romance trope (angry ex vs. regretful ex) done right, the chemistry of the love team was enticing and both main characters were infinitely charming. We all fell in love.

[merakijinx]

Jinx as Your Girlfriend (Part 1)

Author’s Note:

Hi! It’s merakijinx here, at first this was supposed to be a list of headcanons but then it kinda developed into a short story of how Jinx and reader’s relationship developed. I don’t want this fandom (especially the Jinx lovers part) to die haha so..

I also don’t know how to check for the word count I apologize, but this isn’t super long. This is the first time I’m writing something on here, and this also isn’t a serious AO3 story type shit, just a fun thought dump?

Hope you enjoy!

Before Dating ｡𖦹°‧

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ When Jinx first saw you, she didn’t think much of you. At most, she thought you were physically attractive— “easy on the eyes”.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Until you began being popping up in her life more, persistent to be around her. It was annoying & uncomfortable at first, because she wasn’t used to people wanting to be around her.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ It didn’t take long for her to warm up to you though. She tested you with pranks, pinned harmless glitter bombs on your back, set up booby traps just to see your reaction, to gauge if you can really keep up with her.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Your energy somewhat intimidated her. The way you wouldn’t look at her in fear when she came, or how you weren’t just counting the seconds until she finally left you alone. You liked being around her, and it was all new to her.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ She was even more confused when you started showing your true colors. Whether you become more kind and gentle, or more playful, or more quiet.. It intrigued her how full of life you were, and that also scared her.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ When she finally accepted that you would just stick with her no matter what, she let her guard down around you as well.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ You became her new best friend, the one person that would listen to her ramble on and on about her inventions.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ She would show off her weapons to you, and explain how she created them.

“And this here is my trusty Pow-Pow! She’s seen all sorts of things, real fighter, this one. It’s like she’s got a mind of her own..”

“I blew up the council with this, you know?” She says as she lifts up her rocket launcher.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Your presence certainly brightened up her life, but she couldn’t help feeling like she didn’t deserve you.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ You were just too precious for a cruel world such as this. You didn’t deserve to go through any struggle or pain, and that’s all she would bring you. She’s a Jinx after all, right?

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Even though her mind is telling her to push you away, a selfish desire inside her wants you by her side. She scolds herself for being so selfish, keeping such a good thing like you with a bad person like her.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ As time passed, you two only grew closer. When she brainstorms about her new inventions, she would also take into consideration your ideas. No matter how unrealistic they may be, she will find a way to incorporate them into her works.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ She found herself creating trinkets and weapons dedicated or inspired by you.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ At the corner of her desk laid a pile of papers with messy doodles of you two together on all sorts of adventures. Most of them were scratch papers to draw out her ideas for her weapons, but suddenly you were there on the paper holding the gun she was drawing.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ One or two Polaroid photos of you two would be pinned to the frame of her shattered mirror.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ It was one night that you decided to stay over at her place, that she realized she had feelings for you.

The world seemed to brighten up along with the sound of your laughter

How beautiful you looked when you were against the warm light.

You two were sitting together on the couch, talking and laughing, until you two stopped to catch your breaths and just soak in the moment. Jinx’s gaze flickered to your lips for a moment, observing the gentle outline of your bottom lip, and your cupid’s bow— then back up to your eyes.

‘What the hell are you doing, Jinx?’

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ You crashed on her couch while she slept on the other side of the hideout, in her own bed. She was watching you sleep peacefully on the other side, painfully unaware of how much pain Jinx has caused so many people. And there you were, sleeping safe and sound in the very home of one of the most wanted criminals

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ Jinx reflected on all her memories with you. That time when you would listen to her rants, when you would laugh at her jokes or nonsensical muttering, when you wouldn’t run when she had an episode. She wanted to keep you safe, and most of all, she wanted to keep this thing going. You are possibly the best thing that’s happened to her in… a long time, after Silco died, after everything went to shit. She didn’t want to ruin this. She’s got something to live for now.

That’s when she realized, on that very night, in that dimly lit, silent hideout, that maybe… she developed something for you.

｡𖦹°‧

I might make this into an actual story, maybe.

[livefromthedas]

Surviving Purely Out Of Spite

By ClickClickBoom

(Also here on AAO3)

Chapter 3: Rule 1: Don’t Startle The Assassin

Summary:

Valuable Life Lessons with Rook Aldwir.

Rule 1: Don’t Startle The Assassin.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Rook’s dreams were an entanglement of nerves again, frayed at the ends and vulnerable to the world like veins of raw lyrium.

Shadows swarmed as she stumbled through, the sound of her own footfalls detached. Distant. He was somewhere here. He had to be. But the labyrinth of paths before her seemed infinite, and her time running short, and there was something terribly dangerous nearby. It lurked in the shadows, hounding her by scent, biding its time as she only became more lost. More fatigued. More sluggish beneath the weight of her own fear.

The faintest shift of movement - the parsing of a breath and the rustle of fabric - made Rook freeze on the spot.

Close. Something was too close. Right behind her. A breath in her ear.

Hand at the hilt of her dragon bone blade, Rook spun to face it. Violet light seared her retinas - the snarl of a familiar voice ringing loudly—

“He keeps. Us. HERE!”

Rook snapped awake in panic to a very real danger.

Shit shit shit!

It happened remarkably fast. No sooner had she heard Spite sneering in the pits of her ears, the sudden sharp breath of the dozing body in her arms jerked to. With a lightning fast maneuver that sent Rook’s head spinning, she suddenly found their positions fully reversed.

Lucanis had her completely immobilized, back pinned to his front, legs trapped by his own, one arm pinning her to his chest, the other with a dagger she hadn’t even realized was in his boot with a razor’s edge to her throat.

Panic. Eyes wide. Couldn’t move. Didn’t dare breathe. The most Rook could manage in the split second that followed was pat desperately at the man’s side with the hand that wasn’t actively pinned behind her back. The blade at her neck teased a pinprick of blood.

“Rook?!”

The dagger clamored to the floor.

Rook scrambled to find purchase as she was suddenly shoved bodily to her feet, hunched over, coughing. Gasping for air.

“Mujer, ¿estás completamente loca?” The startled words bit angrily.

“I can… explain.” She wheezed.

“What are you thinking?” Lucanis spun her around, hand immediately coming to the knick in her neck. Rook caught sight of genuinely frightened brown eyes. It took all of a moment for him to assess the damage - certain that the wound on her neck was minimal and the dried blood on her shirt didn’t seem to be her own - before Rook was yanked back into sit with him, his arms wrapping around her tight. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Rook grew pale as she realized how ridiculously close she’d just come to bleeding out on the floor.

“Rook helps. Us.”

The flash of violet in his eyes was so brief Rook barely caught it. Lucanis quickly harangued the demon back again, temples twitching against an angry scowl.

“It’s fine,” Rook said quietly, “Everything is fine.”

“This is not fine.”

Yup, still mad.

Lucanis grimaced against whatever was knocking around in his mind, and Rook took notice. He attempted to sit back from the woman’s sudden fussing, but she would have none of that, a hand carefully double-checking the hairline scar that Spite had sought help for.

“Your demon is more clever than you give him credit for,” she said, managing to maintain her poker face despite his furrowed brow, “Though we perhaps need to explain to him that bleeding on someone while they sleep might not be the best way to wake them.”

Lucanis growled, frustrated. He stood straight into pacing, needing to burn off that feeling - that deep seated resentment over his inability to control his own body and mind - somehow, less he say something stupid.

“You should have woke me,” he managed, “Why did you not—“

“You weren’t there to find. And it scared the hell out of us both!” The response came out a bit angrier than intended - enough so that Lucanis’s pacing stopped. Rook took a deep breath, and had nearly opened her mouth to speak again when—

“You’re telling me, that at no time in,” he checked the golden watch fob he kept in his trouser pocket, “Over six hours you were able to…” his eyes shot up to meet hers, suddenly looking so baffled that Rook had to stifle a smile, “Six hours?”

“Told you you needed to sleep. And it turns out, if we give Spite a nice boob for a pillow, he’s a bit more amenable to sitting still.”

Rook knew her tone was slappably smug. She also didn’t care. That had happened, handn’t it?

And in a rare moment, she swore she caught a blush in the assassin’s features as he groaned irritably, “Rook. Not the time. I nearly killed you.”

“You nearly killed yourself, Lucanis,” she stood, squaring up, “If Spite hadn’t come here - if he had gone for the Vi’Revas instead - If he hadn’t trusted me enough to heal him, you’d be—“

Words were quickly gearing towards a fight. The moment Lucanis seemed to realize as much, he breezed past Rook, headed for the door.

“I need coffee.”

“And you’re welcome!” Rook fired angrily at his back, just as her chamber doors closed behind him.

Notes:

I hope shorter chapters are ok 😅 This one was fun though. These two are a mess.

[pinkskiessss]

LACY - chapter 2

Warnings: language, harsh self talk

Paige Bueckers x oc

A/N: I plan on posting a few chapters tonight! Stay tune <3

Paiges perspective

The gym is quiet, almost too quiet. The only sound is the rhythmic thud of a volleyball hitting the floor, echoing through the otherwise empty space. Layla is here, practicing alone, her movements sharp and controlled as if she’s trying to burn off the frustration from the game last night. I stand at the doorway for a moment, watching her, feeling a strange pull in my chest. She’s a sophomore, but she’s already so damn good. It’s almost intimidating how effortlessly she plays, like she’s been doing this her whole life.

But what catches my attention more than anything is the way her face is flushed, the redness lingering. I saw her after the match, how she tried to hide the tears, how vulnerable she looked. She’s so strong on the court, but right now, I can see that she’s not invincible. And that makes her even more… real. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so rude to the girl, she clearly has alot going on behind the scenes.

I step forward, trying to make a noise so I don’t startle her, but it’s clear she’s too wrapped up in her own world to notice me at first. Layla looks up when I’m closer, startled, and I can see her cheeks flush even deeper. She’s still breathing heavily from practice, but I can tell she’s embarrassed. I don’t want to make her feel worse, so I try to keep my voice casual.

“Layla?” I call out softly.

She blinks, her eyes wide for a second, before she glances away, quickly wiping at her face like she’s trying to hide something. “Paige? What are you doing here?”

I raise an eyebrow, stepping further into the gym. “Same thing you are, I guess. Practicing.”

Her shoulders tense up, and she glances at the clock on the wall, her voice almost defensive. “It’s late.”

“Yeah, I know. But I work better when no one’s around,” I say, offering a small shrug. I know it’s kind of a weird thing to admit, but it’s true. I’ve always been that way. The quiet helps me think.

Layla doesn’t answer right away. She just stares at me for a moment, her face still flushed. I can tell she’s trying to figure out why I’m here. She probably thinks I’m judging her, or maybe she feels embarrassed because I saw her so emotional after the game. I don’t want to make her feel worse, so I try to soften my voice.

“You okay?” I ask, stepping a little closer, but not too close. I don’t want to invade her space.

She shrugs, but it’s a half-hearted gesture, like she’s trying to brush me off. “Yeah. Just… trying to work through it. The game, I mean.”

I nod, understanding more than I let on. I saw the way she reacted after the match, how she tried to hold it together, but you could see the cracks in her armor. It’s not easy, being so young and having so much pressure on you. I get it. I’ve been there.

“You were really good out there last night,” I say, trying to offer some reassurance. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

She looks at me, but I can tell she’s not convinced. Her gaze flicks to the floor, and she shakes her head. “I just… I don’t want anyone to see me like that. I don’t want to seem weak.”

I can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy. I know what it’s like to feel like you have to be perfect all the time. But I also know it’s okay to show some vulnerability. So, I step a little closer, not wanting to crowd her but hoping my presence might be comforting.

“You’re not weak,” I say softly. “It’s okay to have moments where you don’t have it all together. We all have them.”

She looks up at me, her eyes searching mine. For a moment, I think she might say something else, but she just looks away again, her face turning an even deeper shade of red.

“Thanks,” she says, her voice quieter now.

There’s a silence between us, and I can feel the tension building. I can’t stop noticing how close we are now. How her breath is shallow, how her body moves when she serves the ball again. I try to focus on her words, but my mind keeps drifting. I can’t help but notice how she looks right now—her hair slightly messy, her cheeks flushed from exertion, her lips parted just slightly as she catches her breath.

It’s hard not to think about her like this. I’m trying to push the thoughts away, but they keep coming back, one after another. And it’s not just the way she looks, it’s the way she makes me feel. There’s something magnetic about her. I don’t know if she feels it too, but I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to get closer to her, how much I want to know what she’s really thinking.

“You’re… you’re really good at this,” I say, my voice a little shaky, and I hate that it is. I try to cover it up by sounding casual, but I’m not sure I’m fooling anyone. I’m not fooling myself, at least.

She looks at me, her brow furrowing slightly, and I can see the uncertainty in her eyes. “Thanks,” she says again, but this time, it’s not as sincere. It’s like she’s trying to push me away, like she’s trying to keep me at arm’s length.

I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I can feel the tension between us growing thicker. I want to reach out, to tell her it’s okay, but I don’t. I don’t want to make things worse. Instead, I just watch her, trying to figure out what’s going on inside her head.

“You don’t have to be perfect all the time, you know,” I say softly, almost as if I’m talking to myself.

She looks at me, her expression unreadable. “What do you mean?”

I hesitate, unsure of how to explain. “I just mean… it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to have moments where you’re not in control.”

She looks away again, and I can tell she’s uncomfortable with the conversation. “I guess… I guess I just didn’t want you to see me like that. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that.”

I feel a strange protective urge rise in me, but I push it down. I don’t want to make things worse for her. I just want her to know that it’s okay to be human, that it’s okay to have moments of weakness.

“You’re allowed to be human,” I say quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

She doesn’t answer, but I can see the conflict in her eyes. She’s still struggling with the idea of showing vulnerability, and I get it. I really do. But I can’t help but feel a strange connection to her, something that goes beyond just sports talk.

And then, just as I’m about to say something else, she mutters under her breath, almost too quietly for me to hear. “I don’t know why I was fooling myself.”

I freeze, my heart skipping a beat. “What do you mean?”

She doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she looks at me, her eyes searching mine, and I feel a jolt of electricity between us. For a moment, I think she might say something—something real, something raw—but then she just looks away, her shoulders slumping slightly.

“I don’t know why I was fooling myself,” she repeats, her voice softer now. “I don’t know why I thought I could handle it.”

I want to say something to make her feel better, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what’s going on with me, with us. But I do know one thing: I can’t stop thinking about her. And I don’t know if she feels the same way, but I can’t ignore it anymore.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm inside me. “Hey,” I say, my voice quieter than usual. “I’m sorry. The way I acted yesterday and before that… I didn’t mean to be a bitch.”

She looks up at me, surprised, and I can see the tension leave her shoulders, even if just for a moment.

“I was… jealous,” I admit, my eyes flicking away for a second before meeting hers again. “I didn’t handle the media event the right way. I was just mad about my own shit and taking it out on you for things you can’t control.”

Layla doesn’t say anything for a long moment, and I start to feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. But then she nods slowly, her expression softening.

“It’s okay,” she says quietly looking up to meet my eyes, and I can hear the sincerity in her voice. “I get it. I also could have been nicer too I’ve been really on edge lately, I’m sorry Paige.”

God she has the prettiest brown eyes I’ve ever seen. “Trust me, don’t worry about it” I say, stepping closer again, giving her face a once over. “We’re all just… figuring it out.”

She looks at me, and for the first time tonight, there’s a small smile on her face. It’s tentative, but it’s there. And I feel a little lighter, like maybe things between us aren’t so bad after all.

[taranida]

Alan Thomas "Scratch" Wake-Za(Sei)ne or 665-???-667 or the Alan headcount; part 2

The second part is finally here. It took most of my time: the Alans I’ve discussed in the first part are, aside from Awan, I guess, pretty straight forward, no big revelations, not much conflicting facts. Now we step into the territory of the Alans, who spark arguments and never-ending questions of their true nature.

This part, as was the first, will be split in sections for each Alan we have, list of the things we know that I deemed relevant (and didn’t forget to mention in this jumbled mess) for the theory; and a bit of dissecting of some of the points.

If you didn’t read the first part it is strongly advised, since once upon a time it was one theory and parts are heavily intertwined. There we took a look at Alan from the first game, Alans from the DLCs, Imaginary Barry, Alan from AWAN, and Noir-Casey. Now we will take a look at more controversial Alans. I know some of them will raise a lot of questions, but bear with me.

A fair warning, it is a lengthy read, maybe take some snacks and drinks and hop in for a ride. And before we begin, allow me to introduce alternative covers for this mess; to set the mood, yaknow:

I'm not sorry.

As promised, I will put the AW1 Alan here as well, as he’s our best baseline for the character. There are few new points, but for those who will read parts back to back, I put them at the very start of the list.

Alan Wake before and during 2010.

I’ll call him just Alan; so, what do we know about him:

Alan considers Alice to be his muse.

Alan has a Number One Fan—Rose Marigold.

Alan was born in 1977… or 1978-1979, the guide for AW states he was 31 in 2010, the memorial in AWII reads 1977-2010; go figure.

Alan was born in New York or moved there at a very young age, since he and Barry, who grew up in New York, were childhood friends.

Alan was born with a condition that made him sensitive to light to the point of being blinded by it and prone to migraines.

Alan never knew his father and was raised by his mother, Linda Wake, who had mental issues and spent a lot of time in various institutions while Alan was growing up. Alan was deeply affected by the absence of his father or a father-figure in his life.

Alan had crippling nightmares as a child before his mother gave him the Clicker.

Alan’s first published story was “Errand Boy,” which centred around a broken and twisted father-son relationship, horror, and a lighthouse occupied by the creatures that might’ve been an inspiration for the Taken.

Alan’s first serious writing gig was being a semi-regular writer on the Night Springs show. He hated it, by the way, felt that it was trash, and he was not a real writer. But he got over it; Night Springs ended up being a huge part of his personality.

Alan might’ve taken a job as a night watchman, carrying a gun and torch, in hopes of getting inspiration for his stories; as he states in one of the manuscripts, his first passion was crime. It was a boring gig, but at least he ran into Alice.

Alan is madly in love with Alice and cannot live without her.

Alan also knew that Alice actually can live without him and was always afraid that she will leave him, not allowing himself to truly believe that she loves him.

Alan’s first novel was about Alex Casey; the series grew and brought him success that he didn’t handle well. Parties, fights, substance abuse—all this rock-star lifestyle BS.

Alan considered only two people being close to him: Barry and Alice. And they didn’t get along well, although both care about him and genuinely love him, as he did in return. We have no information about what happened to his mother and what relationship he had with her.

Alan hit a writer’s block after the last Casey novel and his state started to deteriorate. He was moody, angry, and quick to lash out; the rock-star BS intensified. This drove his marriage to a breaking point.

Alan’s involvement in the vacation is unknown; he did say in one of the flashbacks that he wants a vacation for him and Alice, but Alice surely was the one to arrange everything and choose Bright Falls.

Alan forgot more dreams about the Dark Presence than Clay Steward remembers.

Alan had nightmares on a regular basis at the start of the first game; if it’s connected with giving the Clicker to Alice is unknown.

Alan had anger issues.

Alan was a sceptic.

Alan wrote everything that happened in 2010, taking inspiration from Tom Zane’s books, he found in the shoebox in the cabin, and advice from his non-human editor Barbara Jagger. His scepticism didn’t stop him from writing supernatural events and Lovecraftian beings.

Alan, even at the time of the first game, had very strict rules about how exactly he should write to make fiction come true. He presents it as some sort of hunches or a writer’s wisdom.

Alan can manipulate time.

Alan ate the Dark Presence and enslaved the Bright Presence.

Alright, maybe the last fact was a bit too exaggerated, but it’s not without truth. Alan did indeed enslave the Bright Presence (and, frankly, everyone who has been mentioned in the manuscripts, plus some others, whose manuscripts Alan didn’t find), but the deal with the Dark Presence is a bit more nuanced. His last words, before he sat down to write “the ending to the story,” effectively rewriting the whole loop we just witnessed in the game, were about balance. Knowing what we know now, Alan might’ve consumed the Dark Presence’s powers whilst banishing her, effectively becoming too large of a presence himself to leave the Dark Place, or he took her place because, as he said, the scales have to balance, everything has a price; the price of killing the Dark Presence and freeing Alice from the Dark Place is staying in the Dark Place (as he himself believes in AWII) with complimentary Scratch in your head. Both of those possibilities have supporting evidence, and it doesn’t really matter which one of them you choose to believe; they lead to the same outcome.

Being consistent af, I will address the third fact(-ish?): as far as I know, no extra material was deemed non-canon, therefore the guide for AW is still a source one can use. Yes, it has some conflicts with the games, but the games have some conflicts with the games, and given the loops, memory issues, and the nature of this story, that has no need for retcons (‘tis just another loop, mate!), I’d say Alan just doesn’t remember his own birthdate and changes it on a whim. Or there might be another reason, drawn from other sources, that have nothing to do with our story.

Honestly, I’m not sure other facts need any clarification; people who will read this surely know a thing or two about Alan Wake. Moving on.

Now to the part proper. As it goes in this blog, we will start with Thomas Zane (honestly, I never have thought that in my RCU theory blog I will spend so much time talking about—of all people—Tom Zane)—the real one, not a Finnish knock-off, and his Bright Presence version. I’ve written extensively about him, so I will try to be as brief as possible. So let’s make a step back into AW1.

Thomas Zane

What do we know from several in-universe sources about Tom and his, let’s say, legacy, Meaning the Bright Presence using Tom’s identity, of course. I don’t see a point in splitting the two, it will be explained later.

Tom was a very famous poet. If we are to believe Alan’s taste—a good one.

Tom wrote—at some point in his life—about Lovecraftian horrors lurking beneath Cauldron Lake.

Tom might or might not be a local of Bright Falls, nowhere it is stated if he moved there or was born there, we simply have no information about this.

Tom was a passionate diver.

Tom lived in the cabin on Diver’s Isle, which he owned; we have no idea for how long he was occupying the place, but he was an important part of the Bright Falls community, so much so, the Isle was called after his diving hobby. So, probably, he was occupying the isle for a long enough time.

Tom might or might not been in contact with the Old Gods of Asgard; it is never stated that they were acquaintances, but the boys knew about Tom’s existence at the very least, calling him “the other writer”. Also, in the diner the boys seem to be happy to see “Tom”.

Tom dated a local girl Barbara Jagger; they were not married, as I saw people believing this was the case, but it was not so. Tom considered Barbie a piece of the puzzle, that brought everything in his life together. He was never a very happy man before he met her, she changed that with ease, being young, vibrant and full of life. He fell for her fast and she became his muse.

Tom had a Number One Fan—Cynthia Weaver.

Tom was scared of how his writing had power beyond that of a regular art, even if a very good one, and if not for his assistant, he would’ve given up. This assistant was Emil Hartman.

Tom wrote Barbie back after she tragically drowned in July 1970. She came back with a complimentary Dark Presence inside.

Tom tried to kill the Dark Presence that took over Barbie by cutting its (filled with darkness) heart out first and then diving into Cauldron Lake with it.

Tom tried to shif+del the Dark Presence and all the horrors he unleashed by writing himself, Barbie, his works out of existence.

Tom left a shoebox with his books in Bird Leg Cabin, containing a poetry of his, probably published at some point.

Tom wrote the Last Poem, his masterpiece; after the Dark and Bright Presences claimed his and Barbie’s bodies, he recited it as he was diving deeper into Cauldron Lake, creating a baby universe, where he and Barbie could live happily ever after.

Tom was memorialised at Cauldron Lake Lodge by Emil Hartman.

Tom left a loophole—shoeboxes, knowing that there might come a time when they will be needed.

Tom, after the ordeal with the Dark Presence and diving into Cauldron Lake, saved Cynthia with his light, tasked her with guarding a shoebox of his, and consequentially ruined her life, making her the town’s crazy lady. He enforced all this by keeping contact with her: talking to her via television, from beyond, from below.

Tom might’ve written a manuscript, describing how Alan came into possession of the Clicker in his childhood and how he used it in 2010.

Tom entered Alan’s dream to teach him about the danger of the dark.

Tom saved Alan from the Dark Presence with his light, freeing Alan from the cabin.

Tom was the one to scatter the manuscript pages around. Or, how he said, “deliver them in the right place at the right time,” but as a person who did collect all the manuscripts, I would beg to differ.

Tom is elevated enough to have the knowledge of the Dark Place’s concept of geography, let’s say.

Tom is elevated enough to influence the Dark Place.

Tom is elevated enough to know and use means of communication within the Dark Place without meeting face to face.

Tom never explicitly stated that he wants to escape the Dark Place, but he did search for the way out.

Tom knows about means of communicating with the real world from the Dark Place.

Tom helped Alans from the DLC for the first game to reunite.

Tom’s number is 667.

This is the list of the things the first game, This House of Dreams, and The Alan Wakes Files (together with the guide for AW1) want us to believe. I’ve scrutinised most of them already (literally just look at my first theories), so I won’t go into details. Let’s just say, most of it doesn’t add up. Tom wrote himself, his works, and achievements out of existence, but couldn’t write out Cynthia’s articles? They surely weren’t in a shoebox, Barry was in the archives, I highly doubt that whomever works there keeps old newspapers in shoeboxes for forty years, or that Barry wouldn’t take an opportunity to throw a jab at the “yokels” if that was the case. Tom wanted to make people forget him as if he never existed, but people didn’t. An argument might be made, that Hartman, Cynthia and Andersons are an exception, due to their tight connection to the powers of Cauldron Lake, yet Hartman notes in his diaries in Control, that regular townsfolk had encountered Tom after the eruption that destroyed Diver’s Isle. And he was memorialised! Even forty years after his dive, the memorial (absolutely not in a shoebox) still clearly reads his name, occupation and connection to Hartman for anyone to see. So, Tom kinda-sorta wrote himself out of existence, but kinda-sorta didn’t.

It is alluded that Tom knew that the horrors, unleashed onto our world, were not as much of a result of him writing Barbie back, but a result of him just writing. He even wanted to stop, only for Hartman to convince him to continue. Tom only bothered to do something decisive because he wanted to save his lover. There is a connection here.

In This House of Dreams, we have the line “he’d tried everything he could think of to banish it from her, but everything had failed” about Tom’s efforts to bring the real Barbie back, yet his only known action was… cutting her heart out? I mean, okay, maybe at that point he was more concerned with not allowing the Dark Presence to taint Barbie’s body, accepting that his beloved muse is dead, then again, he willingly gave up that body in the Last Dive. We can write it off as actions of a desperate man, who couldn’t think clearly and consistency wasn’t on the table, but still, we know of no other attempts to free Barbie from the Dark Presence. It went from, as Cynthia pointed out, not understanding that something is wrong, to cutting the heart out and writing them both out of existence. Sounds awfully like a first messy attempt at saving the muse.

The usefulness of writing himself out of existence is a whole other can of worms. Why did Tom leave a shoebox with his books in the cabin? It’s a small detail, that can be glanced over; after all, he left many of his possessions in the cabin, not planning to ever return. Yet the books, unlike everything else, that, we know was preserved just fine (who the hell brought the damn rocking horsie in the cabin ffs?), were placed in a shoebox. If Tom didn’t have a habit of arranging things in shoeboxes, he did it deliberately. Why then we have another shoebox under Cynthia’s care? Let’s quickly deal with the habit of placing things in shoeboxes: there is not even one evidence he was wont to do so. Tom didn’t want the isle to go down then? He wanted, but he wanted to save the books on the bottom of the (bottomless) lake and it’s a pride thing? It doesn’t make any sense as is; but if we consider the cabin as a place of power, the picture starts to become clearer. Tom wanted those books to be found, he placed them in a shoebox for a reason. And I don’t believe he was the cause of the eruption; I would bet it was caused by the Dark and Bright Presences battling after the Last Dive, or just a disaster, that had nothing to do with anything supernatural. But a more plausible explanation: the cabin was never drowned before Alan got into DP!Barbara’s trap. And from the options of how exactly the isle went down, I would bet on the version with the Presences battling. It makes more sense, since in the mines Alan hears Alice’s voice and finds Cynthia’s sign, pointing that the way leads to Cauldron Lake; it’s probably an active threshold, that was opened in 1970 and caused the eruption. Dates add up as well, Barbara drowned on 10th of July, the eruption happened on 18th of July. This eruption, btw, left Bright Falls with no power for approximately 24 hours, which smoothly leads up to the next point.

Cynthia claimed that she was saved by Tom’s light, but it is highly questionable. I would suggest, that this event happened after the end of Thomas Zane in our world and his replacement by the Bright Presence, possessing the body of Tom. In those 24 hours, when the town had no power, the Dark Presence could do whatever it wanted during nights, and “Tom,” the Bright Presence, could be there to save people with light. Or a person; because Cynthia, as he said, was needed. The Bright Presence is also the most likely candidate to be seen by the townsfolk, who recognised him as Tom Zane.

Since Cynthia’s involvement was mentioned, I will briefly talk about her. The woman’s life was completely destroyed, and not by the Dark Presence’s touch; by Tom (or, more accurately, the Bright Presence, but I will refer to the entity, that screwed Cynthia’s life here as “Tom” as she believes it was him) and his scheming; she was reduced from a normal person with a good job and maybe a hopeless crush (which is not a big deal, really, many people experience it) to a loony, obsessed with light, lamp, and guarding the shoebox with a piece of paper: changing the lightbulbs in the Well-Lit Room on a very tight schedule. Tom couldn’t give two shits about her, even though she was his and Barbie’s friend. He even went as far as to keep her leash as short as possible by contacting her via some crazy things. Another connection emerges. (I really wish one day I could write about Cynthia and the tragedy of her life; her story is the saddest in the whole AW.) There is one more thing to point out about Cynthia: she did her job splendidly—changed the lightbulbs, kept the Well-Lit Room safe, kept the town safe from darkness (to the best of her abilities, being crazy lady and all), yet she never glanced into the page. How much easier it would be for her to just read the message and pass it on at the right time? Instead, she was breaking her back, tending to Well-Lit Room and guarding the page. Another parallel.

Let’s address the Buck-Toothed Charlie in the room. Tom, presumably, wrote a page about Alan and the Clicker. I will leave the full text below, so we are on the same manuscript here:

Alan, seven years old, would fight sleep to the bitter end. When he did sleep, he soon woke up, screaming, the nightmares fresh in his mind. One evening, his mother, sitting by his bed, offered him an old light switch. She called it the “Clicker” and flicking the switch would turn on a magical light that would drive the beast away. To imbue the talisman with all possible power, she added that it had been given to her by Alan’s father. Alan never knew him, and anything of his took on mythical proportions in his mind. With the Clicker firmly in his hand, Alan finally slept like a baby. Now, almost thirty years later, Alan thought of this, as he stood on the rim of Cauldron Lake, the Clicker in his hand. He took a deep breath and jumped.

In one of the manuscripts we learn that Tom knew, that despite all his efforts, the Dark Presence might return one day; therefore, he wrote shoeboxes as a loophole. So, did he know that the Dark Presence might return or did he make sure by writing the Dark Presence return? Which is it? Because if he wrote that page about Alan, he wrote (implied, but Alan taught us that it might be even more powerful than what’s written directly) the return of the Dark Presence as well, the last paragraph is the most damning in that sense; but if he wanted a safeguard, he couldn’t possibly write Alan and the Clicker on the rim of Cauldron Lake, since he wouldn’t have known about the circumstances of the Dark Presence’s return. Looking at both possibilities we have:

Tom knew, orchestrated and guided everything that transpired in 2010. That means he did it for a reason. What reason? I have no idea, but if I were to speculate, I think there are a couple of options. First one: to kill the Dark Presence once and for all and free Barbie’s body (Barbie is the only force that can make him do something), not caring how many people will die in the process and how many more lives he will ruin (this also implies, he, not the Bright Presence, was the one to screw Cynthia, by writing her fate beforehand). Solid reason, goes somewhat fine with the character. Still, we can’t forget that Tom actually wanted to stop writing before Barbie’s death, maybe not as strongly as he should’ve, but he had some consideration for the world outside of his love nest. Would he really doom so many just to kill an entity, which for all he knew, might’ve never had an opportunity to come back? Another point for it is more in line with the second game: Tom created a hero that will set him free. There are several issues with this one. For a start, why would he create a hero, that will take forty years to arrive and do the deed? Alan was trying throughout all thirteen years he spent in the Dark Place, pushing the hero role onto multiple people, connecting stories to craft the perfect narrative, and still was shocked that it took him so long. And guess what? If Tom did write Alan as a hero, as a saviour, shaped his life, giving him all those powers, well, with all the might of this writing, he forgot to write the most important part: the escape itself! Neither Alan, nor Tom were freed as a result of the events of 2010. An argument might be made, that Tom was playing a longer game there; but let’s even assume, he was, indeed, preparing Alan to free him in 2010. For Tom forty years after the Last Dive the world would’ve been alien, everyone he loved dead, everything he cherished forgotten, everything he knew changed, yet he willingly gave the hero forty years? Or, if we consider the longer game: even more? It’s some cryonics phantasy more than anything at this point. The most important piece of information we have, that ruins this theory: Tom needs no saviour; he’s living “happily ever after” with Barbie on the private isle in the Dark Place. He’s not in the miserable loop, trying to find a way out, he’s the artist who made it in the Dark Place, who learnt how to use its power to his advantage and even reunite with his dead love. He’s exactly like the boys of OGoA in the end of the Final Draft—just chilling, happy to be with the person he lost.

Tom didn’t know how and when, he had nothing to do with the events of 2010, he just left the one and only shoebox (we know for sure about the one in the cabin; the one in Ordinary is questionable, and I’ll explain why the Well-Lit Room one is excluded), so if something were to happen, the unfortunate artist who got trapped in the Dark Presence’s web could harness some knowledge from his writings and story. But then he never wrote the manuscript, he never tasked Cynthia with protecting the shoebox and he never shaped Alan’s life. Whodunit? Alan. He knew when and how he should get instructions from Deus ex Machina, he wrote the whole story about what happened in 2010, he was controlling the powers that had access to the Clicker (that probably ended up in Cauldron Lake together with the cabin), he learnt about the shoebox in the cabin, a loophole, as he labelled it, he knew that the quest of finding the Lady of the Light should be the last step to finish the story. He has clear motivation, means and nothing really goes against it. Even after he reads the manuscript, he says “my mind swirled. I had given the Clicker to Alice. Yet it was here. Zane had written it into existence... in a story I had written” which puts Zane as a character in Alan’s story. In The Writer DLC the Bright Presence, an echo of Tom, says “I’m not the author of your story” and then refuses to elaborate when Alan presses him. This is the most we get on the topic of who wrote whom and what, and it’s quite clear.

Here will be a good time to also mention, that no matter why, the Bright Presence going by the name of Tom Zane was nothing but helpful to Alan. It weakened itself to free him from the cabin, it took the manuscripts to deliver them in the right place at the right time and then gave instructions on how to proceed into the cabin to confront the Dark Presence. In the DLCs the help extended to almost companion-like, even making Imaginary Barry jealous. The Bright Presence was a father-figure, which Alan always yearned for, and at that time Alan had more pressing matters on his mind, than to write himself friends. What I’m trying to say, he would be content with an ally, any ally to help him on the journey, not necessarily the one who’s kind and softly spoken. It’s not clear if the Bright Presence behaved this way because this is his true self, dragged into the story, or Alan did let his daddy-issues get the better of him. There is a lot of evidence that the Bright Presence is not a “good guy” by human standards, yet, he did acted with kindness and care, even if just for show.

Tom’s number is 667, as is marked on his diving suit.

This is a “quick” summary of the “real” Tom Zane and the Bright Presence, who at some point was acting in his name. Moving on to not-so-real finish Tom Zane, who, for the sake of clarity, I will call Seine.

Thomas Seine

Again, a list of things we know about him from some in-universe sources:

Seine was born in Finland.

Seine is an auteur and managed to make a name for himself in Europe. His film “Nightless Night” won a number of European awards.

Seine moved to US and changed his (perfectly fine) name to more Americanised “Zane”. His partner Baba Jakala moved with him and changed her name to Americanised Barbara Jagger, too. The extent of their relationship (was she his muse or not) is unknown.

Seine purchased an old manor (or commissioned it to an unknown architect, meaning it was brand new) outside the Bright Falls, which will eventually become Valhalla Nursing Home.

Seine planned to build Oceanview Hotel and a film studio in Bright Falls.

Seine established an artist commune in Bright Falls; members, aside from him and Baba, unknown.

Seine was a cult leader apparently, since the unknown members of his commune were seeing him as a person worth revering, and a shepherd of sorts, who guides his flock.

Seine was into “magic” mushrooms to reach a state of higher artistic inspiration.

Seine was in the process of filming “Tom the Poet” in Bright Falls; did the production start there or not is unknown.

Seine did finish the film. The film was lost.

Seine played his dark double (the poet, the writer, the diver, Thomas the Rhymer) in his films.

Seine mysteriously disappeared in 1970.

Seine is trapped in the Dark Place. He doesn’t like it there and wants to escape.

Seine doesn’t have Baba with him, her fate is unknown to the point, we cannot be sure if she’s even dead or alive.

Seine is elevated enough to remember some of the loops.

Seine is elevated enough to have the knowledge of the Dark Place’s points of interest, let’s say.

Seine is elevated enough to shape the Dark Place.

Seine is elevated enough to know and use means of communication within the Dark Place without meeting face to face.

Seine is elevated enough to know that he cannot die in the Dark Place.

Seine occupies his own puddle in the ocean of the Dark Place, which can be accessed via a projector.

Seine owns a cinema in the Writer’s City.

Seine is in a peculiar position to be able to change places with Alan.

Seine is scared of the police and FBC.

Seine claimed he worked with Scratch.

Seine, apparently, is of a high opinion of Scratch, calling him a magnificent visionary.

Seine’s number is 665.

As is seen from the list, there is a lot to be desired as to specifics. We have not much information about Seine and his whole life is a jumbled mess, yet where Tom’s life lacks a lot of details as well, we have the most important piece of information—how he ended up in the Dark Place. With Seine we have nothing. I will stand by the belief that it was done for a reason, to show that he has a potent ability to change reality, but not as refined and precise as that of Alan. Now, to be honest, Alan fucks up royally as well, but his reality-altering writing is coherent; he can use the neat little trick of “you suggest, they fill the blanks”; Seine cannot. That’s why we don’t know who was Baba, who were the members of the cult-commune, how did Seine end up in the Dark Place, why are all of his films lost, and why the hell does this man have so many god damn dark doubles. Honestly, if everyone around is a dark double, it’s time to look in the mirror.

Seine is an enigma: we have no manuscripts (or do we?) about him, no songs by the boys, nothing. Even the films, he presumably made before and around 1970 are based on the novels by Alan—both in the Dark Place and in our world as well. The manor he purchased or built appears to be a new addition to Bright Falls’ area as we can learn that not everyone remembers it to be there. The plaque in the Valhalla Nursing Home claims, that the manor was built for Seine in 1965, the news article about him claims, he purchased it and it was already old, on the manor itself we can even find the date: 1887. Which is it? Seine managed to insert himself as a filmmaker in the minds of many, but not everyone. Some still remember him as a poet. Most notably: Jesse, who is under the protection of Polaris, and Cynthia, who might be under the protection of the power of love (but most likely the Bright Presence’s light), of course, let’s not exclude Alan himself, who forgets everything, but at least twice has had a conversation about poet-filmmaker with Seine.

We have a manor that’s old, but new; career in poetry, but filmmaking; films that were made, but lost; films that were made before 1970, but based on the works of a not-yet-born writer; and a bunch of other contradictions. What was the artist’s commune? Who were the members? Why is it described as a cult-like in an article, that favoured Seine? How did Seine end up in the Dark Place? Why did the boys never-ever address his existence? And where are the magic mushrooms in the flashback of artistic collaboration with Alan?

Also, there is a question of appearance. In Control’s AWE Alan remarks that Seine looks different (from Zane), in AW2’s Room 665, he asks why Seine looks like him. In both cases Seine does look like Alan, but in AWE he has the same hairstyle, beard and even wears the same outfit (The Layered One), making a mirror-perfect image, yet Alan doesn’t comment on this. In Room 665 Seine wears Alan’s suit jacket from AWAN, cleanshaven, rocking leather trousers and, weirdly enough, has Alan’s wedding band as a necklace. A clear departure from a carbon copy we saw in AWE. I will talk more about it in a bit, but we have yet another Buck-Toothed Charlie in the room: the FBI detective Anderson has an option to look at Seine: in Suomi Hall and in Valhalla Nursing Home; needless to say, she doesn’t react, although one might think she’s quite familiar with Alan’s features to recognise his face even through a genius disguise of beardlessness. Does that mean Seine is not seen as Alan to people outside of the Dark Place, or is it a problem of a beholder, who doesn’t connect the movie made before Alan’s birth, but based on his work? Just food for thought.

Returning to the outfit. It is a clear departure from a carbon copy, but still Seine seems to be pretty attached to some things. The suit jacket is a minor thing, really, it looks cool, what else do you want? The wedding band on the other hand is questionable. In the article about Seine Baba is mentioned as his partner, not his wife of fiancée. For all we know, he could be preparing to propose or she could be just his first lady in a cult with all the dark shit that comes with it. The band may or may not have a meaning for the character of Seine, as he tried to write his life into reality. Or it might be there just to spite Alan.

Throughout the second game Seine does everything to manipulate and backseat Alan in the direction, not really beneficial for the both of them. He obviously has his own goal, that is—getting out of the Dark Place—and uses Alan. He’s not at all a friend to Alan and it’s clear from the very first phone call, where Seine probing if Alan remembers and assures “I got you now,” which has a sinister undertone: from now on Seine, indeed, got Alan—as a tool for his design. The second call cranks this subtle hostility to eleven, Seine asks about the progress, expresses his content with it, then hits Alan with a question about Alice—a low blow by any means, then he brings up the Dark Presence and Scratch (who, he’s surely aware, are the same entity). If it’s not a classic attempt at convincing someone that the only person, who has their best interest in mind, is the speaker, I dunno what is it. And this will only escalate. In the moment when Alan had enough time (even to adapt Rose’s fanfiction into a script as an attempt to escape) and desperately needs a friend like Tom Zane from the first game, he gets Seine, who, by all means, is not interested in truly helping. The scene with changing places in room 665 is one of the moments where Seine shows his real face and intentions; he’s not fazed when it doesn’t work, not at all. He has the whole cinema to try again: making Alan question if he’s the author or a character and trying to trap him in an endless loop. Note, that this draft of Initiation is the only one where Scratch doesn’t make an appearance.

Yoton Yo, that is shown at the end, spells what Seine tried to achieve. The cult leader returns in all of his sinister glory. The film even succeeded to a degree: there are similarities in the endings of AW2 and the film. Yoton Yo is truly a companion piece for Return, but in another showcase of prowess in reality-changing abilities, it only manifests when given a room: Ahti’s song, Casey being sort of a sacrifice and the final dialog between Alan and Alice, all those little things. Seine was not written into Initiation or Return, he inserted himself into those stories. Might be with the help of the Alan-ex-machina on the phone, but not by the Alan(s) we play as.

With all this in mind: Thomas Zane and Thomas Seine are not the same characters (yet they are the same entity at their core). Where Zane’s story is coherent and corroborated by multiple beings, Seine’s is not—it lacks consistency, always gets stuck in the narrative conflicts and falls apart at every turn.

Scratch

Scratch is the Dark Presence of AWII. He is a Dark Presence with unique qualities: he can actually create and he doesn’t need an artist to achieve his goal (but he wants one). Let’s just jump to the list.

Scratch is a Dark Presence.

Scratch can create, more so, if we believe certain someone, he’s a magnificent visionary.

Scratch is knowledgeable enough, but somewhat restricted by Alan’s previous experiences.

Scratch killed Alan multiple times; if we believe Alan, he also stole from him and desires to become him.

Scratch might have the memory problems Alan has.

Scratch has a tremendous paranatural power inside and outside the Dark Place.

Scratch can use anyone as a host in our world.

Scratch can use Alan as a host in the Dark Place, if he can use someone else, is not clear.

Scratch is overprotective over Alan, he kills him, yes, but he also kills Noir-Casey when Alan is threatened. One might call this a toxic obsession.

Scratch is in love with Alice, knows she’s alive, and was actually created from Alan’s love for Alice.

Scratch was named after Mr. Scratch, yet he’s a huge downgrade from a clever, charming and sadistic dark being we saw in AWAN.

Scratch is D!Alan on steroids: they both are Dark Presences, both can create, both are Alan, both represent the part of Alan that is nasty and angry, yet there is a notable difference.

Scratch doesn’t want to destroy Alan even after he’s won, he wants to reunite with Alan. In many ways Scratch is R!Alan who refuses to give up.

Scratch is insecure and wants to be admired, wants to be a real artist, revered for his genius and literary skill.

Scratch is made of contradictions: he kinda cancelled the Deerfest, and made Bright Falls a little less bright according to Pat, to… make an eternal Deerfest with sunshine and rainbows! He is a mindless monster, as he presents himself during the boss battles, but he is a patient planner, as we know from his time inside Alan’s head and then possession of Casey at the right time. Scratch is a ruthless killer, but he doesn’t kill Rose, who actually has the audacity to hide on his property, more so, after he has his way, no townsfolk are killed.

Scratch makes few appearances in Initiation: in the metro and in the hotel, he does a lil’ jumpscare in the cinema, but doesn’t participate much in this draft.

Scratch tricked and betrayed Seine, if we believe this soapy story.

Scratch and Alan were never seen in one room as doubles; one might say Scratch looks like a black cloud with photos of Alan, attached to it with a stapler.

Scratch’s number might be 666.

To clarify some of the points. As stated, we never saw Scratch and Alan together in one room, Tim never saw Scratch, even Mr. Door never referred to Scratch directly, he talked about an evil double, but it doesn’t really mean he was talking about Scratch. As of now, we have to assume, that Scratch can operate only if he has a host: Alan that is; so his ability to write might manifest only when he possesses Alan. It would be quite hard to type as a destructive dark cloud with X-ray-like pictures of Alan attached to it. This point is also somewhat supported by BarbaraDP’s last words “I will find a new face to wear” as if she couldn’t do anything without a host. Taking all this, Scratch might be Alan unleashed: a magnificent visionary, because he couldn’t give a damn about the rules and hoops Alan created, or people he will hurt in the process, he just writes as he feels, and we know Alan himself have a pretty fucked up imagination. Scratch in his “magnificent visionary” mode is, probably, the greatest Master of the Dark Place on par or even stronger than D!Alan; and both of them are so powerful because of the same reasons.

Scratch, as Alan says, “got” him multiple times, and this is probably the times when Scratch was partying with Seine and writing the original Return. Or not partying, Scratch might’ve been hellbent on his task enough not to waste precious time before Alan will take control.

As a Dark Presence Scratch, obviously, has better awareness of the Dark Place and who’s in there, therefore his lines, when he chases Alan through the Wellness Centre about how everything will be theirs, including Alice, point to him knowing she’s alive and in the Dark Place; at this point Alan himself believes that she’s dead. And Scratch doesn’t need to use her as an incentive to harness Alan’s powers, he genuinely wants to just be, you know, happy: reunite with Alan and have it all, including their beloved wife. For him it is a happy ending, as Scratch puts it. Now here’s the question, that really bothers me: does Scratch know an easy way to free her from the Dark Place or does he refer to the entire world becoming the Dark Place therefore, the Wakes will be reunited? (Given his egotistic phantasies, obviously the latter, but it doesn’t mean he has no knowledge of an easy way out of the Dark Place.)

Scratch is a contradiction: with all the horror story elements he brought into Return, he also doesn’t have the Dark Presence’s tendencies we are used to. Yes, controlling people is bad, but he doesn’t want the world to be full of Taken, eternal darkness and whatever else BarbaraDP wanted; he wants it to be a happy place with a god-like Alan Scratch Wake (Seine’s cult-dreams are surely contagious). Which, to be fair, probably in a deeper way does align with what Barbara wanted, yet she lacked humanity, Scratch has plenty of it, no matter how twisted it is. Still, his quest for the world domination is not about what we saw before: for violence to have an oomph it lacks in the Dark Place, or feeding on suffering, or destruction for the sake of destruction; he just wants to be the most successful writer with the best wife (and fame, and worship, and everything revolving around him). Not the inhuman goals, let’s be honest.

Scratch might be a vessel into which Alan dumps everything he hates about himself, but he’s also the vessel for the determination and refusal to give up. In a way they are a twisted reflection of Alans from AW’s DLCs: Alan is the one who goes insane and wants to give up, let the waves carry him wherever, but doesn’t go on a mission to kill his other half; Scratch is the one capable of rational though and planning, but does try to kill Alan and is a Dark Presence. And “kill” here is pretty literal: Alan can die in the Dark Place, he just won’t stay dead, Scratch knows and abuses it. Even after Return was clicked to come true, if Scratch catches Alan, the death screen looks like possession and resembles the first time Alan got got in the talk-show studio.

Scratch’s number might or might not be 666, he does make an appearance in the room 666, and Alan says he can feel that Scratch was there, but there are many questions, surrounding this room.

Now there is a question why exactly Scratch never makes an appearance in the cinema. I’d say this draft of Initiation is so heavily influenced by Seine, Scratch just doesn’t have a place there. But, wait, wasn’t the whole summary of Initiation, that we hear from Mr. Door at the very beginning about a writer, tormented by his evil double?

Moving on.

Alan Wake

Firstly, we need to establish that there are always multiple Alan Wakes. I’m not talking about figments of his imagination or even the shadows, that haunt the Writer’s City. At every given moment there is at least Alan-the-writer and Alan-the-character, where the former is the one who has the luxury of the TV, radio and the plot-board, and the latter is the one who’s roaming the Writer’s City, killing enemies, chatting with Tim and cosplaying a PI. But they are not the only Alans out there—there is the same pair of Alans in every loop and twist of the Spiral, countless Alans going through the motions at all times. I will talk only about those we see on the screen. (Oh, and Alan on TVs? I have no clue what he is. :D He might be a subconsciousness of either Alans we see, of some Alans from any other time, or even a memory, stored in a form familiar from the first game. I will exclude him altogether, there is not enough info to determine who he is, yet I will use his words.)

I would love to make a split for Alan-the-writer and Alan-the-character, but it’s already quite confusing with the amount of Alans we have highlighted only in this theory. So I will combine them and call them Wake for clarity. Before the usual list of relevant facts, let me quickly explain the difference between the Writer and the Character, and remind about the concept of the driver’s seat.

Last thing first: the driver’s seat was first introduced in The Writer DLC, when Alan entered Stucky’s gas station, complained about the location and remarked, that he was not the one in the driver’s seat. Which means, there is always an Alan in the driver’s seat, who determines the rules, and is in control (at least, more than others). Counterintuitively I would say in AWII the Character is the one in the driver seat, not the Writer. Yes, the Writer can reshape the Dark Place under some circumstances, but I would challenge the idea that the Writer is creating what the Character is experiencing—I think it's all just remnants of the previous loops—the Writer is documenting what’s happening, he's more of a tool. The Character is going through a hero’s journey and the Writer is just there to help, he’s that voice that narrates what’s happening, transforming a nightmare into a story. We rarely see the Writer having an insight that the Character doesn't have, but we see the Character having it all the time—the echoes come through him, the very first time we play as Alan, it is the Character, thinking there was no Dark Place in his life at all. Like in the first game we have the Character make his way to the cabin, in AWAN, again, Alan steps into the shoes of the Character; in AWII the Character makes the story, sees the echoes, learns about Alice and even if he dies, the Writer dies too, yet if one really thinks about it, it should be vice-versa: if the Writer stops writing, the Character dies, but if the Character dies, the Writer can write anything from new protagonist to resurrection. The only times when they are merging or meeting is when the Character steps into the real Writer’s Room, accessing from the apartment in Parliament Tower.

There is another Writer, who, I believe is not a mere tool, as those two; but we will talk about him a bit later. For now, I just wanted to establish who is in the driver’s seat—Alan-the-character. With that out of the way, to the important points:

Wake gave up. Multiple times actually.

Wake is a shadow of his former self; no matter what other Alan we look at, Wake is the most confused, scared, lonely, uncertain and needs a hug (even completely insane D!Alan, albeit, with questionable desires, comes off stronger and with clearer goal). And it started even before Control’s AWE.

Wake’s memory is practically non-existent, it’s just a suggestion. Throughout the game we see some improvement, but we start with him thinking, that he never experienced 2010 and needs to come back home to Alice by dinner.

Wake is not of sound mind. He didn’t lose all his marbles, but surely has a shortage in that department.

Wake somehow managed to strike a friendship with Ahti.

Wake somehow managed to involve Mr. Door into his plans: at least two times. Mr. Door is playing the role of the host on In-Between and also a host for Night Springs. If there is any other things Mr. Door is forced to perform for Alan is unknown as of now. I would pile that up with the manuscripts about Door in 80’s and the one Tim transported into the Dark Place; Alan giveth, Alan taketh.

Wake shaped the Dark Place into the Writer’s City. The Return defines it not as “the Wake’s personal and shamelessly overgrown puddle,” but “the ocean that was the Dark Place itself.“

Wake also defined the Dark Place as Ahti’s bucket; but two things can be true at the same time.

Wake consciously controls time and aware of this ability of his.

Wake is bound by the rules and surroundings he himself created and imposed—in part to torment himself.

Wake leans into the darker themes, believing them being more effective for achieving goals.

Wake has to go through the Hero’s Journey of Initiation before he can attempt to escape.

Wake goes through three separate yet connected drafts of Initiation and there is a forth one, that exists on its own.

Wake can be seen in one room with: other entities, such as Ahti, Door, and Tim; other Alans, such as Wake, Noir-Casey, Seine, and the dark cloud of Scratch.

Wake’s spiritual animal is an owl; an owl represents him and his.

Wake can reach into our world, creating thresholds right and left; he doesn’t fully understand how it works and the consequences.

Wake is elevated and tremendously powerful, his problem is not lack of ability, it’s lack of understanding and knowledge.

Wake can die but won’t stay dead in either worlds as of now.

Wake in creative collaboration with Alice created Scratch with the help of the bullet of light.

Wake can carry Scratch from the Dark Place to our world and back—in his head.

Wake can feel Scratch’s activity, but doesn’t understand much about it.

Wake can make Scratch do his dirty work in the Dark Place and in our world, “losing” the driver’s seat when it’s needed.

Wake is ready to return to his worst nightmare, sacrificing himself for the good of others and makes yet another leap of faith, believing Alice to be dead.

Wake has a peculiar case of a writer’s block at the end of Return.

Wake went through countless loops of Initiation-Return to arrive at the Final Draft.

Wake is the Master of Many Worlds.

Wake’s number might be 3. Just 3, yes.

That’s a weird collection of points, much was skipped, obviously. Let’s clear some of them up and get to the point, since it’s our last Alan to discuss before I will start drowning (meaning conclusion?). Through the points it can be seen, that from the most pathetic of Alans Wake goes to the most powerful one. He is, probably, Alan-ex-Phone at the end of the Final Draft. The second game is his Hero’s Journey, that he completed and his ascension, that happened at last, therefore we have conflicting points at the start and at the end.

Now, looking at all of it with the knowledge of the Final Draft, we can safely assume, that Wake’s state is self-imposed. He must remember nothing, he must be confused, he must not understand what’s going on, or he won’t act on his free will, won’t grow as a hero. The downgrade is needed for the story, because Wake has to suffer. Even the shape of the Dark Place, as written in the manuscript, is that of Noir-York just to torment Wake. Now, this manuscript is very important, the Door manuscript, that is given by Tim. First of all, it establishes that Wake turned the entirety of the Dark Place into the Writer’s City; everyone else, who has a puddle there, is a tenant for the landlord-Wake (and most of them are hating him and trying to kill him; sounds legit). Secondly, it shows how fucked up this ball of yarn of a story must be to meet the conditions. Multiple parties are being involved just into delivering this exact page: first the Door “allows” Wake to spy on him, then the page leaves the Dark Place, then someone has to find it to give it to Tim, for Door to snatch Tim away for him not to give up the manuscript too early, all this. It’s so overcomplicated, because Wake, as a true Alan is complicated. He gives powers right and left, making his “characters” immune to the story in the right moments or capable to decide when he can or cannot spy on them, when the mere name of any of them written on the page by his hand is already meaning he’s in control. Even Ahti has a mental breakdown because of Return, and he has the whole Dark Place in his bucket; the very Dark Place, which makes fiction, that torments him, come true.

I put the writer’s block here, because we have a similar case of Alan having a writer’s block in the middle of the story in 2010: when he tries to write something to give a ransom for Alice. Why both Wake and Alan have the same problem in the most important of times, only to have a spark of inspiration shortly after? Because they are in the story at those moments, if they will write a word, they might change the course of what was written.

Wake’s number. He doesn’t really have one, but everyone on this list were connected to a number, so I’ve decided why not? Wake is strongly associated with three: three drafts, three loops, three stories, three owls, three main players for Initiation, (only!) three costumes in the extra-menu… pardon me.

The Drowning

Time to explain myself, I guess. Let’s start with Tom Zane; he’s the first in the list and has a long history of being a suspect in the creation of Alan Wake. So, why do some think he wrote Alan and his story, when the Bright Presence on his behalf explicitly stated that he’s not the author of Alan’s story? Two things: the manuscript in the Well-Lit Room and he simply was first. Both might not be true.

With the manuscript in the Well-Lit Room, I assume, everything is quite clear; I explored the possible scenarios where Tom was the author in the section about Zane, but I will quickly recap it. Tom couldn’t write this manuscript without Alan writing him write it because Tom didn’t want the Dark Presence to return and the manuscript would be exactly that: writing the Dark Presence’s return. Tom also is content on his private isle in the Dark Place, as This House of Dreams states through the Bright Presence, so he has no business writing Alan’s Amazing Adventures in Bright Falls. This House of Dreams is twice canonised in Control and AWII and still is a valid source of information; Tom’s happy-ever-after is also confirmed by the boys of OGoA in Herald of Darkness. With this said, the whole first game is written by Alan, everything and everyone there is acting as he wrote them to act; therefore, the Bright Presence, being “Tom” in Alan’s mind, could produce the page, but the content of the page is what Alan wanted it to be. In other words, Alan, being an author of this story is an author of everything written by the characters of his story.

With Zane being first things get a bit more complicated. Let’s dive into the dark ocean of connections,time manipulations and other boring, mundane stuff. In the Zane section I pointed out how there are many things that connect Tom’s story with Alan’s story, I will recap them as well. Tom and Alan both are successful writers, have a muse for whom they are able to do unimaginable things, lost the muse to the Dark Presence in Cauldron Lake, were touched by the Dark Presence, wrote stories to defeat said Dark Presence, left behind a Number One Fan with a mission (who possesses the manuscript with a name of the “hero” for whom the manuscript is intended, and never reads it), a friend with traumatic memories, and townsfolk with PTSD and sensitivity to light. Now, this is surface connections, but if we dig deeper, we have more. Tor and Odin, after Alan is touched by the Dark Presence, recognise him as Tom; when Alan jumps into the lake, the Dark Presence literally pretends to be his muse and at the end of trying to coax him to go back to bed, slips up and calls him “Tom” as well. With all that Cynthia doesn’t recognise Alan as Tom’s double, and she would be most familiar with his features; as would be Hartman, who, as well, doesn’t see any similarities between Tom and Alan, aside from their reality changing powers. On the way to the cabin in the Dark Place, Alan hears a dialogue between Tom and Barbara, spoken with his and Alice’s voices. The lady on the photos in the Ordinary shoebox is fair-haired, instead of the Dark Presence’s dark-haired image. In The Writer when Rational Alan is on the bridge to the cabin, Dark Alan says ”it was even taking the people Wake knew, turning his friends against him,” yet in the battle the people against Alan are Barry (friend, check), Tor and Odin (???) and Hartman (Tom’s friend), which is very curious choice of people. I understand why Tor and Odin could be considered friends, but why Hartman? Why not Sarah, whom Alan bonded with? Now, if you choose to believe that AWAN ended with Alan and Alice going to the private isle in the Dark Place and live their happy ever after as did Tom and Barbara, even more connections emerge. The drowning cabin in AWAN is yet another hint, that the story was repeated. The question is: which story was actually first?

I already noted that Zane’s solution with cutting the heart out and diving into the lake sounds awfully like a messy first attempt to have somewhat happy ending. We learn about it during the week, that plays out according to the story Alan wrote: everything there comes from him, even the TV’s that he sees, even the shoebox he finds, and certainly the manuscripts we read. The very manuscripts, that describe what happened in the 70s: the narrative takes us back in time and we look at what happened there through the eyes of Tom Zane. That can answer the who wrote whom question. Does it matter whose story happened first now, if we know for sure that Alan’s works can change past as easily as present or future? With all the connections I mentioned, and the very presence of Tom in the theory that counts Alans we have in games, I think it’s obvious what I’m going for. Tom Zane is Alan from the first loops of Departure: he failed to save Alice then, but as his wont, left some breadcrumbs for his future self to learn. Later his story evolved and he got a new name and different, yet very vague background, turning into a plot device just like Noir-Casey in the second game: a character, who helps and gives Alan a torch and a gun. The books in the cabin were placed into a shoebox deliberately, the memorial for Tom and Cynthia’s articles weren’t erased, because they had to be found. In the beginning of the Final Draft Alan says “a fictional poet once wrote” before reciting Tom’s poetry; Alan is pretty capable of writing poetry, we can see it in This House of Dreams, and the poet, written by him, would be a fictional poet. The filmmaker, obviously could not create the poet, since his movie is based on Alan’s novel.

Another thing I want to address here is AWAN’s ending. Again, I believe Alan and Alice from AWAN did end up in their own baby-universe in the Dark Place; as I stated in the first part, in the manuscript Alan calls the film his salvation, their salvation. It’s important that it’s “his” not “hers,” because it’s not the answer to the grave danger Mr. Scratch poses to Alice (the very reason Alan scrapped the very first Return to write this Return), it’s the answer to Alan being separated from Alice. Those words are also followed by “our chance to be together,” which, again, has nothing to do with saving Alice from the evil double. If Alice’s film did create a safe place for them to be together, considering that AWAN takes place somewhere around This House of Dreams’ events, the story of Tom Zane could’ve been rewritten again; Tom and Barbara could’ve gotten the happy ending after Alan learned how to achieve it. It’s not the escape ending he wanted, but it is better than being trapped in the nightmare part of the Dark Place or possessed by the Presences. And This House of Dreams might be an extra that was designed to help us figure out what happened in the end of AWAN and answer all the questions that were left unsolved at the time: with the pictures that show suspiciously Alice-like lady, who is said to be “the diver’s girlfriend;” the story of the Last Poem; the nature of the Presences and the Dark Place; sets of poems that show Alan’s capability in this craft; and what exactly was the shiny-floaty thingie from the first game.

Which leads me to the explanation I promised: why didn’t I split Tom and the Bright Presence. There might’ve been no Bright Presence in the first game or it’s DLCs. We learn about the story of the Bright Presence after—it was not written in Departure, in Departure the floaty-shiny thingie was Zane; it might’ve changed in the DLCs, where the story was not written, but dreamed, it might’ve been written by the Master of Many Worlds Alan, who finally decided on what the Bright Presence is. Depends on how you want to interpret the line “but… I am not…” in The Writer: is it about the Bright Presence not being Zane, is it about the Bright Presence not writing the manuscript on his own volition, or is it about something else. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, the Bright Presence doubles down on the identity of Tom Zane shortly after, when he levitates the tree; therefore, I would assume he didn’t do anything Tom wouldn’t do.

The last things left to address here are the line in Herald of Darkness, that separates Alan and Tom: “he could write a new story like Tom Zane before him,” and how the boys talk about Tom in the first game, calling him “the other writer.” The argument might be made that if the boys see them as different entities, then they should be; as there is nothing more trustworthy than the Old God’s songs. Yet, if we read into it as if Tom were the character of Alan’s story, who ultimately won the happy ending by writing a new story, it’s not unimaginable to use—in a song—those words: Tom Zane, being a character in a story, was put into the same struggle before Alan and managed to make his way out of it. “The other writer” is not in a song, and can be taken with a grain of salt, as the boys didn’t recognise Alan as Tom when Odin asked him to put Coconut, they only recognised him after the Dark Presence’s touch. They also call Alan “boy” and “sonny” even after they recognised him as Tom, which is a tad sus, since if they would see him as their long-lost friend from the 70s, they wouldn’t have a habit to address him as their junior, they would be more or less same age. The boys were in their thirties at the time Tom’s ordeal took place, for them to see him as “sonny” material, he should’ve been what, ten?

How it all comes together. I want to repeat the most important part in taking in the first game’s events: we do not see neither first nor last loops of the story; we do not know how it started nor ended; we are thrown into the middle to end and see at best the penultimate loop, as it is partially confirmed, that something akin to the first game indeed happen in the reality of the second game. At any time in previous loops Alan could rewrite everything including how exactly the Wakes ended up in Bright Falls, moving his previous attempts to save Alice to 70s as a set of dos and don’ts. It works exactly as it does in the second game, and we see the remnants of his tries that are left behind: the boys remember him as Tom Zane, but also see him as their junior, calling him “boy” or “sonny”, being the only ones with powers to pierce the story a little bit; the cabin is still there at the start of the story, but disappears shortly after with a very questionable explanation; the plane, which carried people attracted to study the 70s eruption is crashed in 2010 inexplicably, with Alan witnessing it; and all the other little things that slipped through the cracks of changing the past so drastically. Could Tom become his own person in this mess of a spiral? He could’ve, not like we don’t have other examples of this happening; Barry and Casey do act like separate entities, and we have even more examples to discuss. Speaking of.

So, Tom Zane is Alan from the first loops of Departure, who ended up being a supporting character, and whose story was rewritten multiple times; who’s Tom Seine then? This is the moment where we step into the territory of the holy trinity of owls, which, as you could’ve guessed by now, is represented by Wake, Seine (665) and Scratch. I’ve pushed the idea of 665 being yet another Alan even before the NS DLC came out, but with it pointing out how they are indeed the same entity as Scratch and Alan are the same entity, there are just all the more evidence.

What do we have aside from the DLC? Ahti makes no difference between Tom Seine or Alan, in his eyes they are the same person, who at the same time is a filmmaker and has a photographer wife; he addresses Alan as Tom, but not Tom-the-poet. The film, that was created to free 665 and Alan from the Dark Place is the same film that allegedly won multiple awards in what? 60s? 50s? Obviously something here is not right, but what’s even less right is the Tom the Poet film, that was based on Alan’s novel. 665 also cannot be Tom Zane from the first game, or even an extension of him, since he’s lacking everything that made Tom Zane Tom Zane: he didn’t live in the cabin, wasn’t a diver, didn’t have a muse-girlfriend who was important for him even after decades in the Dark Place, wasn’t a poet. More importantly, we have the Control’s cutscene, that shows how the encounter in room 665 was somewhere in the beginning of the loops; Seine is a mirror image of Alan from the first game, but he’s already started to differentiate himself from yet-another-Wake, he has different voice and different attitude. And it’s not like we don’t have examples of this: Barry even looks differently, as does Casey; R!Alan has a completely different experience from D!Alan and his attitude is almost opposite; even the two Alans that interact in the second game look a tad different and have a completely different attitude. It all depends on the experience and what shaped them. The more 665 remembers from the loops, the more he is distancing himself from Alan: first the voice, the place, then he’s getting a make-over and turns against Alan completely. His connection still allows him to try to take the driver seat, to take control, and switch places with Alan. In this he’s not unlike Scratch, for some reason they both need to take the driver seat from Alan.

Were 665 his own man, why would he need to do that? Why is he acting like the Dark Presence that has to find a face to wear? Can he be yet another dark presence? Maybe? Considering how Scratch was born from Alan’s love for Alice and D!Alan was a result of desperation arguably everything that’s made from Alan’s feelings or experiences could be considered a dark presence if it acts accordingly; 665 is somewhere in between. Aside from the possession (or more like place-switching, which is not how Scratch does it or how Barbara’s Dark Presence did it in the past) and maybe his own Taken, he lacks every other characteristic of a dark presence: no dark clouds, no mystic powers, no jumpscares. Yet, 665 needs Alan’s… I’m not sure here, body? Realness? Both can do, I guess, since 665 wants to take Alan’s place. Why in the world, were he his own entity, he would need Alan’s place, seized in the Dark Place? With his likeness he could get out and take over Alan’s life as Mr. Scratch, who was his own entity, tried to do. But for some reason 665 needs to switch places before he attempts to escape.

This can be written off as his malice; he’s acting in a way that suggests that he doesn’t only wants to escape, he wants to trap Alan as well. Throughout all three drafts of Initiation 665 is the one to pull strings, to backseat and guide Alan into traps: one after another, the biggest of them being scaring him into haunting Alice and then pumping him up to kill Scratch without hesitation. 665 never shows that anything was done in Alan’s best interest, on the contrary, in everything he does, he comes off as manipulative and antagonistic. But malice alone is not enough, since 665 fails to achieve the most important of his goals—to actually escape.

Time to queue Scratch in. Between 665 and Scratch, and it might sound mad at first, Scratch is a good guy. And hear me out, he actually is. Obviously the dead give away being Scratch’s lines in the very end of the game, where it is clear what his goals are: Alice and world domination. Alright, the latter is quite questionable for a good guy, but, hey, a dark presence can dream, right? Jokes aside, Scratch doesn’t want anything Alan doesn’t want, more so, he wants to share it: he wants to be a successful writer, to reunite with Alice and do all this with Alan—after merging and becoming whole. Scratch doesn’t really go nicely about it, but we can see how he’s in many ways not the sharpest axe in the shed: he’s animalistic and abrasive, he sees the target and goes for it. With some exceptions his answer to anything is murder. And that’s what makes his role in the second game so fascinating. Let’s look at it from different perspective, shall we?

Scratch’s straightforwardness allows us to take his word: he wants Alan to “come home,” to reunite and become whole. He’s not against him, he’s actually team-Alan through and through. He shares goals and desires, yet lacks nuance to understand them fully. Scratch is literally a love-child, that is he was created from Alan’s love for Alice. He is going for the right things in the most wrong ways possible. With that said, if we look at his actions through the lens of what he said in the Wellness Centre, they might be not so antagonistic after all. First encounter with him allows Alan to snap out of his state of delusion, when he thinks he’s still in the real world and just doing a show before going home to Alice; in the metro he appears to remind Alan about the Dark Presence (and curiously destroying the cult altar); in the hotel he actually politely waits until after Alan finished watching another episode of Alex Casey before chasing him away from room 666. Was murder a good way to go about all those things? Not really. Was it necessary? Most likely, violence is something he believes in. In the first encounter everything is easy enough, Alan had to snap out of delusions to try and get out. In The Writer the Bright Presence makes it very clear: one must abandon all delusions to survive in the Dark Place, let alone to escape. In the subway Alan has to remember; his memory is a very important point in his hero’s journey. In the hotel… well, we need to talk about room 666.

Room 666 is obviously connected to Cynthia and her story of becoming Taken, and leads to Tom Seine. In his part I mentioned how we kinda don’t have a manuscript about him, and it’s partially true, we cannot be sure who “Tom” from Cynthia’s manuscript is, it might be 665, might be her imagination. What we do know is that some Taken can have two stories: Nightingale is killed in the Dark Place by cultists before he’s killed in the real world by cultists again; same goes for Cynthia, she’s killed (taken) in the bath in the real world by a mysterious man before she’s killed in the bath in the hotel by the Devil. Curiously, she spends some time in a “hotel in New York with Tom,” before she goes to deal with Tor, by pressing herself into the dark water, which she recognises as “Tom.” Everything here hints that the mysterious man in the bathroom in Valhalla and “Tom” from the hotel are the same person; but also is the Devil from the play. There is only one character, who fits all three of them: 665. He’s taken the identity of Tom Zane, he lives in the hotel in “New York” and he’s a cult leader. He’s also conveniently neighbouring room 666, where the Devil is located. So, why does Scratch allow Alan to see the vision before chasing him away? Why does he even chase Alan away in the first place? What if room 666 is yet another trap, where Alan is in more danger than he realises?

There is also the third draft of Initiation, where the Grand Master of the Cult of the Word makes an appearance and the most interesting Initiation 0, summarised for us by Mr. Door. The Grand Master and the whole cinema story-line are an ending of sorts to the whole cult ordeal in all the previous drafts; we get the Yoton Yo and the character-creator question to explain what was the deal with the Cult of the Word and what was their plan. It goes to show that even if all the drafts are separate attempts, they are also tightly connected. Which makes the Initiation 0 even more important: who’s the evil double, that torments the writer? If we are to look at this question without the knowledge of the previous games or Alan’s mad ramblings about Scratch and Mr. Scratch, the answer is evident: there is only one other character, who appears as Alan’s double and can be classified as “evil”—665. Scratch not only arguably not evil or against Alan, he’s also not a double, he has no body, he’s a presence, literally; Alan in the point of the story where he shoots himself from the past is surely not evil. Can Initiation 0 be this cheeky little hint, that the tormenting of Alan is not done by Scratch?

Alans are plenty, but let’s not forget, that the whole story of the games is a love story after all. And there is a last piece of evidence, that shows—we might not even come close to see all the Alans there is.

Alice. Love is strange. Even apart, we are still together in our memories. We put each other through hell to set us free. Again and again. Different versions of us. Alice helped me get there. Where I needed to be. It has taken so long. The process to change reality is so delicate, to be true in just the right way, and still find a way past our flaws. So many drafts. So many photographs. So many lives lived outside time, an eternity apart on this journey to finally arrive here. 

[hollowed-theory-hall]

I'd love to know your thoughts on the Gaunts in Hogwarts Legacy. I loved Ominis as a character, and the story of his family was interesting, but I'd really love an in-universe explanation for how they get to the state they are at when Tom is born in less than what... 40ish years? At most? How exactly do they go from multiple family members functional enough to attend Hogwarts to barely able to speak English (or seemingly use magic) that quickly?

So, the reason I didn't put Ominis and the Gaunts in my big canon contradictions in the HL post, is becouse I can in fact headcanon my way into Ominis' existence making sense (kinda). We only need one big factor that would allow for a very fast decline and we have one — inbreeding.

I mentioned this already here, but Marvolo speaks like he remembers the influence his family once had. Not only that, but he's different from his kids. He acts more like a person who can be somewhat reasoned with than both his barely more than squib children who don't seem capable of much intellectually.

How this might've happened is, say, one Gaunt got obsessed with blood purity and around the 1780s married his cousin.

His children turn out okay since it's just one generation of cousin marriages, but then his son also marries a cousin in the 1810s.

Their children would still seem reasonably fine and marry cousins again. And they have children in the 1840s.

By this point, most of them would be losing prestige and money and many other purebloods would want nothing to do with the Gaunts. This pushes them to keep marrying just a bit too close and shrink down the family to only the main line and maybe another one.

So, these children born in the 1840s would have their own kids with their cousins around the 1870s.

Now, these kids are Marvolo and Ominis, another brother (since Ominis mentions having older brothers), and at least one sister (for the sake of this theory to work). By this point, inbreeding would start to be a problem after 4 generations of first/second-cousin marriages in a row, which would work with Ominis being born blind, for example (which is a possible result of inbreeding).

Now, while both Ominis in the game and Marvolo in the 1920s talk a big game about their family influence, by the 1890s, it's a lie. I think they started falling from grace earlier throughout the century (as I mentioned), losing money and prestige and holding onto their position in the wizarding world by the skin of their teeth. Ominis' posturing about his father knowing the headmaster in HL always came off to me as just that — posturing. His father may have met Phineas Nigellus Black, but they weren't close by any means. Ominis is just threatening you the way he knows and can — which is some of the connections still left for his family since the money ran dry years ago.

The fact we don't see other kids in Slytherin trying to win Ominis' good graces for the sake of his family's influence (blindness or not) again suggests a lot of said influence is posturing more than the real deal. I mean, he's only friends with Sebastian and Anne, two students who are definitely outsiders within Slytherin (even if there's no way they live in Feldcroft, since there's no way that hamlet doesn't exist in the books).

Also, Ominis mentions his brothers and father tortured muggles. There's a non-zero chance that in 1890 most of his family is in Azkaban and he really is just lying and he has nothing he can do against anyone with his connections. Basically, it's a bluff.

I think seeing them like this adds an interesting reason as to why Noctua (Ominis' aunt) would want to look for Slytherin's Scripturium (though I don't think the Scripturium exists in the books, so let's say she looked for the Chamber of Secrets and was eaten by the basilisk since she wasn't the heir it was meant to obey in the 1880s). Becouse she's trying to bring the family back to its place of influence as descendants of Salazar Slytherin in a different way from her brother.

By the 1890s, Noctua is dead, there are no Gaunt cousins, just the main line with Marvolo, Ominis, unnamed brother, and unnamed sister.

Ominis is likely disowned at some point, and it fits his character to decide not to have kids and not pass on Parseltongue, which he sees as dark. I can see his character making that decision. But for this theory to work, he has to die before Tom is born, so he doesn't live a long life unless he left Britain and is living happily in the US or Australia or something.

The unnamed brother might be in Azkaban for crucio-ing a muggle, getting him out of the picture in an in-character way and making sure he has no kids.

Marvolo is where it gets interesting becouse with the state we see with his kids, and the nosedive off a cliff the family took in his time, my theory is that he had his kids with the aforementioned named sister. It would explain why Morfin and Mereope are like that. It would explain why they were completely shunned from wizarding society. How they lost even the measly amount of influence they had so quickly. It would fit with Marvolo's view of blood purity and the Gaunts' blood in particular, being purer than the rest.

So, this is my answer as to how I can headcanon my way into the Gaunt family's fast decline making sense. That being said, do I think Ominis is canon for the books' universe? Probably not, but I can make up shit to make it work, as I illustrated here.

[iamnmbr3]

I saw someone on tik tok that made a video saying that book Harry would be disgusted by being shipped with Draco. And people in the comments were saying fr and saying that we are crazy for shipping drarry and someone even said that drarry was the most disgusting ship ever made in the Harry Potter fandom.

And what you think it would be Lucius and Narcissa reaction to find out that Draco and Harry are dating??? Love your blog

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like my blog!

First of all, making content like that with the intent of shaming/bullying other fans is silly, immature and just plain unkind. So what if people are shipping something you don't like? Or that a fictional character wouldn't like if they were real? Just let other people do their thing and have fun and curate your own content.

Second of all, drarry is the most disgusting ship ever made in Harry Potter fandom? Drarry? Really? Lol. Lmao even. *Insert the 'oh my sweet summer child' speech here*

Third of all, in the case of drarry there is actually a lot of canon evidence, so while that certainly doesn't mean people who don't want to have to ship or enjoy or be comfortable with it, based on canon it's rather unlikely that Harry would be disgusted by it... (Not that it mattes either way. But just saying...).

What Lucius and Narcissa's reaction would be is an interesting question. I think they probably wouldn't be that pleased, but would be kind of resigned. Post-war Lucius just wants to stay out of jail (or, failing that, he wants to get out as fast as possible and then avoid going back). The last thing he wants to do is be openly hostile to Harry Potter, hero of the hour, The Boy Who Lived Twice, Savior of the wizarding world etcetera, etcetera. He probably plays reasonably nice - though I doubt he and Harry will ever like each other.

Harry is certainly not who Narcissa would have chosen, but the fact that Draco does seem genuinely happy with him and that Harry truly cares about Draco and goes out of his way to help him and, just by being with him, rehabilitates his image, certainly makes her want to be cordial. Though again, while she probably pretends otherwise, I doubt she ever really changes her attitudes as much as she pretends. Though perhaps over time she does develop some grudging respect for Hermione (and this perhaps admits, if only to herself, that muggleborns aren't as inferior as she once believed). And well, she and Harry do have their love for Draco in common so that helps them get along even if the relationship is never an easy or entirely comfortable one.

I think there's a plausible argument that by book 7 Narcissa already suspected something was going on with Harry and Draco. In the end of book 7, not only does Voldemort think that Draco has run off to "befriend" Harry, but Narcissa immediately assumes Harry will know where Draco is and if he's ok. So she seems to also think that Draco has gone off to find Harry and she doesn't seem to think that he was looking for a fight. She asks Harry about Draco as though Harry not only will know what's become of him, but will care. Not as though she expects that any meeting between them would end in them fighting to the death like you'd expect given they are on opposite sides of the war. I think maybe she always planned to help Harry, and she just wanted to ascertain what her next steps should be once they got back to the caste - whether she needed to go in and find Draco or if he was already safely away or dead and beyond help. She thinks she and Harry are united in caring about the same person.

After all, she did see Draco lie for Harry at the Manor. And she saw Harry pull a wand from Draco's hand while Draco let him, and then not even stun Draco after. And later she found Wormtail's body in the cell that Draco went into alone and left entirely unharmed. Not to mention, after book 6 she would have read about how Harry named Snape but not Draco as being involved in Dumbledore's death (at first she probably dismissed it as Harry just not having seen everything, but later she puts it together with everything else and she starts to wonder...)

[hurtspideyparker]

Heeey! Idk if someone has already asked you this but, if you could recommend three Stony fanfics which ones would you recommend? And What made you ship them? :] Also love ur writing!

IT'S MY NEW STONY MUTUAL YIPPIE ✨ HI FRIEND. Sorry for the late reply, been busy in my own way. I'm so happy to hear from you! 😸

that is a tough question...

Principles of the Thing by Annie D (scaramouche)

In Tony’s opinion, the only thing worse than having a crush on Steve is: having a crush on Steve while Steve won’t shut up about how great Tony is.

Mainly recommending this because the author's Stony fics are all amazing. They're a fantastic writer and I'm sure there's something there for everyone; I'm still making my way through them and I'm never disappointed! This fic in particular is very sweet and adorable, plus it has my favourite Stony fanfiction device—it's told from a self-deprecating Tony's perspective <3 that's how you know it's gonna be a good one 😌 I need my man to hate himself a little thankyouverymuch. I also think it's cute to have Steve be virtuous in a very sweet gentleman way, instead of the hurting-Tony way (although I like that way a lot too)

Loverboys by theappleppielifestyle

“Here’s the deal,” Tony says. “I’ll give you ten thousand dollars to pretend to date me.”

Steve stares at him, but only for a second.

“No thanks,” he says, and looks back down at his algebra worksheet.

(Or, a High School Fake Dating AU.)

I have a soft spot for high school and college AUs okay, sue me! Why I particularly like it for Stony, and what this fic does beautifully, is it uses their class disparity as a point of contention for their characters and relationship. I like young!Tony fics because we see the trauma of his family life and circumstances affecting him in real time. I love to hate Howard Stark <3 plus Stony is all about the tension of their opposing personalities, and AUs like this help highlight Tony's distant family and extreme wealth, and Steve's poverty and loving support system. This fic is also fake dating, which means ✨tension✨. Plus Tiberius Stone is a total guilty pleasure character of mine. Tony has many evil ex's in the comics, and I love to see them used for some good whump. And jealous protective Steve is absolute gold!!! Even if you don't like high school AUs this one is worth a shot because it wasn't written by a high schooler like many are, so it's mature and paced very well.

the girl with the modern face by isozyme

“Nice to meet you. I’m Steve Rogers,” Steve said, sticking his hand out and trying to wrestle the interaction back into something normal.

“I know, sweetheart,” Tony said, ignoring his hand. “Rescue told me all about you.”

“Did you make her?” Steve asked. It had been implied that Tony was a tech-man, and she said he was her boss. It would fit together.

“Yes, the armor, that was me; she’s my bodyguard,” Tony said archly. “Impressed?”

The only good thing about the future is Tony Stark's bodyguard, Rescue. She's beautiful in her red and gold armor, and Steve will never know who she is.

This story changed my brain chemistry when I read it. It's just such a fantastic culmination of so many delicate and beautiful things. Internalized homophobia and identity porn are severely underrated tropes and two of my all time favourites. I find it's hard to get them right, but boy does this story get them right. Also—genderfucked Tony Stark? Yes Yes and Yes. Steve falls for a woman, who is actually a man, who is actually Tony Stark. This hurts both of their feelings immensely. I love the tight-wound Captain and seeing him come to terms with his struggles and bigotry. And the juxtaposition to a flamboyant and open Tony, yessirrrr. Also, comic Stony fics are on a whole other level. They have so much more material to work from, so their characterization and background is really well fleshed out. You don't need to read the comics to understand it, don't worry.

—

I just love talking about this stuff, I will never be short or chill about asks 😅

What made me ship Steve and Tony? Oh GAWSH. Mainly, their opposing natures. Nothing is more compelling than seeing people so close yet so different have this intense magnetism. It's like a puzzle piece, they fit so well because they complete something in each other.

Rivals/enemies creates a lot of tension, especially when they have such a respect and trust for one another even if they don't always like it, it's undeniable. The betrayal and disagreement between them is painful because only those inside your heart can wreck it so intensely. I really like angst, whump, miscommunication, the push and pull. It's so them. They aren't rivals TO friends, they are rivals AND friends. Tony is incredibly Much, Steve is rigid. Tony is controlled by his emotions, Steve is controlled by his morals. Tony is an over-thinker, Steve is all intuition.

Also, have you SEEN the way they look at eachother?!?!? The gazing omfggg. The way they lead together, have such an intense relationship, perfectly in-sync even in disagreement. Their movies? Never without insanely strong feelings for each other, arm touches and long looks, trust broken and rebuilt. TV shows? Eye rolling yet great respect, a deep admiration that will always trump any mistake or disagreement. Bickering boyfriends. Comics? They're so intense everyone just KNOWS something freaky is going on. Divorced /pos. It's always hate or love, these two can never be neutral. Their relationship is incredibly dynamic—they're so soft for each other! They hate each other's guts! They are gonna fuck about it! All three at the same time.

ty for the compliment 🫶 yes this is yap city but I am a very passionate person mk. I could talk about them for hours 💕💔

[midnightrain-and-cleandays]

Born wicked(my thoughts/ analysis on wicked)

Hello everyone! So a couple of days back I asked if yall would like my thoughts on Wicked and alot of you said yess sooo here we are. Now before we start i do wanna say i will also be doing an analysis in this post. Because as someone who has spent years in the hannibal fandom i have had multiple conversations with people about the analysis of the show so of course i have to bring that into this post so let’s begin and hopefully you guys enjoy!.

I first remember watching the movie, it had such a great first impression on me, i’ve seen alot of musical movies and this one was of my favorite movie musicals i’ve seen.

It has so much depth and deep meaning to it and after learning more about it im genuinely so impressed by how they did this movie, there are four scenes in the movie that kind show how much detail they put into this movie.

1. Is elphie and Glinda first meeting and glinda saying she doesn’t care what people think and elphie calling her out saying yes you do.

2. Which goes into scene two where we get the OZdust scene where when everyone is watching Elphie dance we see feiryo say “she doesn’t care what people think “ and glinda says “yes she does “

This is one of my all time favorite parallels because of multiple reasons, in several instances throughout the movie we see how much Glinda does definitely care what people think specially while at shiz everyone loves her, she has two people who follow her everywhere and specially because in the scene where Glinda is getting ready for the OZdust scene and the Hat is brought out and one of her friends point out how it’s “ugly “ she is suddenly trying to find an excuse as to why she has it.

Elphie reasons is so completely different, she always been over looked specially by her family, and the only way she really got attention was when she was supposed to look over NessaRoes. Then she gets to Shiz and suddenly all eyes are on her, but for the wrong reasons and along with the “wizard and i” scene, in the song we hear what Elphie truly dreams of and how desperately she wishes to be seen, how she wants to do good and how she wishes people could look past her green skin and genuinely see the good person she is.

Thats where we get back to the OZdust ball room scene and we get to the dance scene, and in that scene we start to see where Glinda and Elphie kinda don’t care what people think. Specially Glinda, this is one scene where she truly doesn’t care this one time even when her friends try and stop her and she still does the dance anyway.

Next is the defying gravity scene and the deleted scene where Elphie promises to not leave Glinda behind again.

In the defying gravity scenes we see them fighting and we saw them almost escaping together. Elphie kept her promise…till Glinda was the one we broke it, she couldn’t go with Elphaba and she had her reasons, we can speculate those and why she didn’t go. But in the end it was Glinda who broke that promise.

Those are just four scenes that add (and would add) so much depth to the movie, I genuinely love everything about it from the acting to the little details, specially the shoes that nessa gets at the beginning of the movie, in the original book the shoes weren’t red they were silver and I loved how they showed both pairs of shoes.

I also loved how even the second time you watch it you catch more than the first time you watched it. The movie has so much emotion and love put into it as well as thought, i also loved how they sung live, it makes the movie feel more real.

I genuinely felt it was a smart decision todo such a thing, and in all honesty I don’t think it would’ve done so well if they hadn’t of sung live. Of course they would’ve done amazing but not like they would have of they hadn’t of sung live.

So inclusion, this movie has a genuine 10/10 from me and one of my favorite 2024 movies, now that it’s out on streaming I would give it watch again (which i will be doing) and I would definitely recommend it to anyone interested in it.

[huntermoris]

the new thing to try

SylusxArgenxYou

˙⋆✮˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗✮⋆˙

synopsis: what if, maybe pretty woman and pretty man found you pretty?

character/s: Argen, Sylus and YOU🫵🏻.

wc: 1009

warnings: nothing really but like a pretend rejection and the prospect of not being able to talk to hot women.(this is a call out specifically for bi women)

other than that? this one is for the argen cult :))

˙⋆✮˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗✮⋆˙

It was bustling party; the new year tends to bring out the chaos in people after all. so maybe with this logic you could argue that it was reasonable to be quite a few drinks in this early in the night. what wasn’t reasonable was you sitting here at the bar alone. with no one to kiss when the time eventually came. so, with your third(?) drink of the night in hand you start looking for anyone to catch your eye. 

Just as you’re about to give up and sing the whole drink down. HE shows up, a fine man in a fine suit polished and truly sparkling. He really shone with something. Just alluring in all the right ways. not only that he’s also walking towards you, possibly looking your way as well. Eyes gleaming bright red as they catch yours. is he real?

Then just as you’re about to greet him and lay down your best seductive opening he passes you and leans over the bar. a sobering moment honestly. Just as quickly as he had passed you, he tries to get the bartender’s attention. You felt a bit cheated; he was clearly making eyes at you when he was walking over here. smirked knowingly as all the movie love interests do even.

now some drunken vengeance leads you to do the following: Leaning against the bar you tap his shoulder letting your hand slide down his chest a bit for extra flare. Shockingly he looks at you a bit annoyed, “yes? ah-Don’t touch me so easily darling it’s not for you”. 

No longer leaning over the bar you can truly feel just much he’s towering over you, and a slight fear settles in your bones, but a nice kind, the kind where you need to swallow down extra hard to keep your breath steady and your thighs squeeze together. Perhaps it’s the alcohol talking or maybe even some adrenaline, but this man is so fine you won’t let him reject you after all the eyeing up he was doing before. so instead of letting it go, a dumb drunk part of your body spurts out “I think I can make you like the way I touch you, if you checking me out on your way here has a say in it” a brow is lifted in… what was it? Annoyance? Interest? Arousal? Your drunk mind really enjoyed the last option, so you lean towards him slipping a hand over to “fix” his tie. He looks down at your hand and actually sighs, “miss. As I said it’s not for you, I’m a very married man, now please-” he gently peels your hands away from himself and puts them on your chest. 

“I didn’t come towards the bar for yo-” a presence behind you stops him mid-sentence “now now my darling, you won’t get anywhere with him” a sultry voice whispered beside your left ear. A shiver runs up your back as a delicate hand is tracing up your spine quickly, it then ends its delicate glide on your right shoulder resting right at the base of your neck, a second hand sliding around your waist. you audibly gulped. and you could feel her smile. 

The man before you seems locked on the woman behind, his transfixed eyes filled now with mirth. curious of this creature you turn around, and there she is. Draped in scarlet flowing silk and gems. Silvery white hair styled in such delicate curls running down her back, yet nothing she could ever wear would stand against that face of hers. perfect. Somehow this beauty was beyond your human eyes to comprehend because there is no way she actually just looks like this. 

She made the rest of the party look bleak and bland in comparison; she was otherworldly. You gulped once again as your eyes met hers, they seemed impossible green and were eyes always this shiny? She placed a delicate hand under your chin to force you to look at her again as you’d quickly cast your eyes down the second her eyes had been in view. as she did this you truly mourned the loss of her hand in your waist. 

“He is very drab my love, only has eyes for me” you nod and blurt out a quick “oh god I see why” she laughs and your knees buckle “now now, I think you’re quite the specimen yourself there darling-“ she leans into your ear again this time a shiver fully runs down your spine as her lips almost touches your ear “so maybe if you try those doe eyes at me you’ll get something” nervously you choke a little, as her limbs(and face) remove themselves from your proximity. had this encounter sobered you up less you fear you would whine at the loss of her. Her eyes twinkle with satisfaction as you couldn’t help but chase after her body with your own. wins some and you lose some. thrillingly she allows you closer again. “Oh, please you said it yourself puppy, she’s just our type” she takes a piece of your hair and twirls it between perfectly manicured fingers. “Enough play pretend, she wanted you so dearly baby” you know she speaks to the tall, beautiful man behind you, but her eyes never leave your face, and you never want them too either… what’s happening to you right now? you’d never thought someone could win you over this easily. “I was simply following orders doll, testing the waters”. he reached for her hand over your shoulder clearly intentionally brushing his hand over your neck while doing so. 

you look over your shoulder expecting a fuming man behind you, at the very least a little jealousy in his eyes. Instead, you see him fondly shaking his head, now smiling at you and with a raised brow now definitely in interest. still enclosed by him holding his wife’s hand you somehow relax a little, and just like that you could see yourself so clearly fitting so nicely in between them. 

˙⋆✮ ☆ ✮⋆˙

treat: last year’s birthday dress:))

[liquidorcard]

Lillian P. Orchard has said for so many fucking years "people call me a pedo bc trans girl bad wah wah wah."

Any queer person in a conservative environment is likely no stranger to being implied and/or explicitly called a pedo. It's one of the many ways right-wingers actively make it harder to address the social issues they claim to be so "concerned" about.

I know personally I grew up thinking I'd, in a round about way, deserve to be thrown out of my house, disowned by my family and die in the cold-- because I knew members of my family thought all queer people were pedophiles. I KNEW I wasn't, but, how can I blame them for reacting that way if THEY did? I wouldn't want them to protect or accept an actual pedophile. It was a means of making me complicit in my own fucking discrimination-- making me feel like the burden of proof was on ME (a child at the time, who was victimized sexually by an adult myself.) It was MY fault if the circumstances of my very existence made OTHERS uncomfortable.

I don't believe for a second Lily doesn't know this. I know she knows this-- she's used this excuse to actively disregard the very real evidence she is one of the few queer people who actually are pedophiles. Totally unrelated to her also being queer, but as those two things are also not related, they're also not mutually exclusive.

I'd hedge my bets Lily knows Crim works with children professionally too.

How fucking dare she.

How fucking dare she be so fucking bold to go this far.

It was reprehensible enough when she did it to Sai. I can't believe she felt comfortable to not only try this again, but somehow outdo herself.

Impressive Lily. How you seem to find new ways even now to fucking disgust me.

[hellobitchlet]

Some brief-ish notes on what happened in the 'collab' event, for hsr players who don't have hi3:

-I'm not going to go too deep into explaining the story, because a lot of it would involve me trying to explain why there is a 4th wall breaking chibi who is canonically an hi3 player transported into the game by a character who was never supposed to canonically exist. I don't want to do that, and it was complete bullshit anyways.

-here's the actual important part; Sparkle has decided that she really likes Vita, the gray haired girl you've probably seen in the 'collab' promotional stuff. It's generally implied that she's trying to convince her to become a masked fool. She set up a simulation/game for her and Vita to play, where you have to play a card game called a fool's hand (clearly based off of poker) with npc's to get to the next world. She then threatened to wreck havoc on Mars or something (I don't remember exactly what it was) (there's a civilization on Mars. Vita is protecting Mars. It's a long story) and framed Sampo by somehow dragging him into the game and making him be the 'mastermind'. It's never explained how she got Sampo there. She then erased her memories of creating the game, bc Vita is a psychic and would've clocked her instantly otherwise, and made herself one of the players.

-the chibi is also following them around, because it's not like you could just, oh idk... play as Sparkle or Vita? So long story short, chibi, Vita, and Sparkle go through a weird simulation/shallow video game to 'defeat a masked fool' because otherwise, they will 'attack Mars' or something. In the last part of the story, Sampo is framed as the mastermind, and Sparkle gets her memories back. But when they finally get to Sampo, he blames everything on Sparkle, pretty much acting the same way towards her that he does in Masquerade Duet. Vita and Sparkle fight Sampo and win, and it's revealed that Sparkle was the real mastermind. She puts on her new hi3 skin (for some reason?) and runs off.

-the 'worlds' in the game are basically hsr's worlds. You go through a largely boring Herta Space Station, a Belobog where everyone is a buff trashcan because Hoyo refuses to let go of that, a Luofu where everything seems normal until npc Welt casually reveals that he's the general and that he abandoned his job bc he doesn't like it(no, I'm not kidding), and a place that's sort of supposed to be Penacony but not really? it's a long story.

-oh yeah, and there was an npc Void Archives who replaced Luocha in Luofu's story pretty much. They tried to blow Sparkle and Vita up and then lost to them in the card game. That also happened.

-I'm doubtful that Hoyo thought anything in this event through, but I am kind of curious about one detail; Roza and Lili. These 2 don't currently have hsr expies, yet Sparkle made npc's for them in both Belobog and the Luofu. I mean, they're not the only ones- there's also Einstein, Tesla, and Rita. But Roza and Lili were the only ch's who appeared in multiple worlds (which chibi points out), and they appeared a lot more than other ch's who aren't playing as a hsr ch. I wouldn't expect this to mean anything, but it would be cool if this were foreshadowing Roza and Lili getting hsr expies whom Sparkle knows.

-(speaking of the game's content not meaning anything, how does Sparkle even know like.. half of the info in this game? Either she knows what a lot of hi3 ch's look like, about hi3 Seele's did AND Veliona's exact personality AND relationship to Seele, Luocha doing suspicious stuff on the Luofu, and Welt creating Arahato and being obsessed with mechs... or the devs just weren't thinking when they made this. It's probably the second option)

-Sparkle says some interesting things about Sampo-

-upon finally confronting each other and fighting about which one of them created the game, Sampo and Sparkle go straight to playing poker a fool's hand upon coming into conflict with each other. Which implies that either all of the masked fool's use this game to solve conflicts between them, or Sampo and Sparkle specifically use it to solve stuff between each other. The first option is more likely, but the second option is funnier.

-upon losing another hand against Vita, Sparkle steals one of Sampo's smoke bombs and escapes, with an admittedly cool looking cg of her in her new hi3 skin.

-Sparkle implies that she's going to come back and try to convince Vita again at some point.

-somehow, the story ends with Sampo talking to the chibi, saying that the other 4th wall breaking character told him to play hi3. He then whines about not knowing where to start because of how much content there is, and the chibi gets mad at him and tells him to just start with ch 1. I don't know why Hoyo thought that making fun of non-hi3 players who feel intimidated by how big (and unorganized, and confusing) hi3's story is was a good idea.

[true-blue-sonic]

Also, Knuckles outright calls Silver rude in Rivals 1:

Silver: He certainly knows how to run, I'll give him that... Hey, you there! Did you see that guy carrying something strange? Knuckles: Actually... He has this weird camera that changes things into cards... Wait a minute... Who are you? Silver: What'd you say!? How did he get a hold of it? Knuckles: You...! What are you mumbling about? Silver: Got no time to explain it to someone like you... See ya! Knuckles: "Someone like me?" Hey, I'm Knuckles! Haven't you heard of me? How rude! Asking questions without having the gall to introduce himself! Silver: Like I said before, I don't have time to deal with you right now. See ya! Knuckles: You little... Get back here!

And in Rivals 2, Silver tells Knuckles to shut up in Knuckles' storyline, to Rouge's displeasure:

Eggman Nega: Well, well. Looks like you acquired my Emerald Detector. Now, what else do you require? Knuckles: We still can't find the Master Emerald and I think you know where it is. Eggman Nega: Maybe I do and maybe I don't. Knuckles: Stop these games, Eggman! Silver: Shut up, Knuckles. I need to talk to him so just get out of here! Rouge: Hey, watch your mouth, kid! Don't take that tone with us! Eggman Nega: Silence! All of you! I'll give you all a REAL reason to be upset!

I stopped reading IDW after issue 64, in part because I was incredibly done by Silver's portrayal in the comics. On the one hand, there's just a problem of bad writing: things like the girls not picking up on Duo's "I couldn't save Silver and now he's dead :(" two seconds later "I was going to get help!!!!! D:", or the writers seemingly completely forgetting Whisper has a recorder in her mask that thus goes entirely unmentioned, which got kinda handwaved in a later issue. But an IC Silver would not have folded to Lanolin like he did: I would say Silver only cares for the authority of people who've proven to be on the same page as him, like Blaze or Espio. What has Lanolin done to prove that? She picks Duo's side immediately, and Silver just rolls with it without arguing with her about it and goes off to sulk instead of being proactive (I guess maybe as a callback to '06? Except in '06 Silver's entire worldview got rattled for a bit there by Amy, which issue 63 really did not achieve to that level). Silver's a proactive guy! He doesn't sit around waiting for troubles to come, he actively goes and does his best to solve them. And it's also just dumb things like issue 64 showing him all clumsily tripping or his quills poking out of the bush all obviously, or him (aka Meteor Smash guy) being unable to catch Duo in a one-meter fall. I agree with the fact that it's frustrating to see; it feels like Silver just does not get taken seriously.

And on that topic, a lot of Silver in the comics seems to be written to be very... cutesy, I think is a good way to describe it. Very uwu baby cinnamon roll, I've used as terms before too. Must protecc him, he's got no social skills because everyone in his future is dead and he was always alone and he's never been rude to anyone ever. Except the problem with Silver as a character is that he's not meant to be cutesy, I would argue, and the previous sentence is rife with misconceptions. He's got a deep-ass voice in Japanese and uses rude language and rude gestures up the wazoo, he's 100% down to murder someone to solve his problems and save the world, in the Rivals games he's got an insult or just general obstinateness ready for basically everyone, in the fourth and fifth line of his intro in '06 he mentions other people in Crisis City and both Rivals games show what a jerk he can be... That's really not uwu baby cinnamon roll material, in my opinion. What could arguably be cutesy is his naivety, but then indeed what Siggie describes: him not realising that not everybody shares the knowledge he has and sees things in the way he does. Not whatever IDW is pulling with him. But as for a solution, I don't know; if the writers think Silver is inherently meant to be a cutesy socially awkward li'l guy, I presume that's what they'll keep writing him as. To that end, I hope the Sonic Channel medias and the video games will keep providing a more in-character Silver!

What’s your thoughts on idw silver, I personally think he is ok but I feel like the idw comic didn’t really do very well with his character.

I can't say I like him... at all.

American Sonic media already has a history of needless and quite frankly terrible changes, whether made out of ignorance, xenophobia towards Sonic Team/SoJ, some vague, made-up sense of marketability, or all three. So, I'm already wary of media like that. They always change fundamental aspects of Sonic's appeal and are supremely unenjoyable to me as a result.

To stay on track here - why do I dislike IDW Silver? The main reason is that I think he's portrayed as way too polite and nice to people. He has no backbone. It's as if he was just based off of popular fanon or Archie comics, rather than the source material. I don't blame anyone for thinking Silver is some timid, polite sweetheart if fanon and IDW/Archie is all they have consumed, but I'm doing my best to dispel that notion for the sake of conquering misinformation. As a casual fan, it is understandable to have misconceptions, but I'm going to be much more harsh to official media.

I need to hammer home the fact that Silver is rude and often talks down to people. Sonic '06, Silver's debut game, showcases this very well. In an '06 cutscene, he talks down to Sonic after attacking him when his guard was down. The casual stride over to a wheezing, incapacitated Sonic kills me. The disrespect is fucking crazy.

In the level Flame Core, he acts haughty and superior about his abilities, even letting out a light chuckle at how pathetic the enemies are. And, a detail that is easy to miss, he doesn't even apologize for trying to kill Sonic.

That's not even mentioning the Rivals games being a wonderful source of Rude Silver™, where there are too many snide remarks to count.

IDW Silver is a telltale case of Silver's nuance being stripped so that he only represents one trait of his- that trait being "naivety." Silver's naivety is mentioned twice by Blaze in Sonic '06 because this is relevant to the story. Naivety is Silver's fatal flaw that leads to him being easily manipulated by Mephiles. However, his naivety isn't due to some innocent, childlike outlook on the world. Silver takes everyone at face value and always assumes people are telling the truth to him due to a lack of social skills. This is why, when Silver mentions something outlandish or unbelievable to people, he is confused why they don't believe him. This is shown in both Rivals 2 and the Sonic x Silver wallpaper cover story.

IDW seems to completely miss this nuance and conflates "naivety" with childlikeness and innocence. When you realize this, decisions put towards Silver's characterization in IDW makes a lot of sense - his hyperactive excitement and adulation over Whisper is a good example, but how he doesn't talk back to Sonic calling him "flatware" in Issue 8 particularly bothers me.

Realistically, Sonic would immediately get thrown into a wall if he said this to Silver.

Portrayals like IDW Silver are just so utterly confusing. How in the world does Silver get misconstrued this way, into something entirely opposite of what he is, in both fanon and official media? To be completely honest, it makes me frustrated. I want things to change and I feel like I have to speak up. I ended up writing an essay about Why Silver is Rude. I'm sorry anon.

[meltedmush]

how long does it take you to draw your sketches/doodles? also do you have any tips to draw faster? 🙇‍♀️

I generally take 30 - 60 minutes a sketch,,,, but honestly really depends on how detailed it is.

Like a Chibi will be done in 20 - 25 minutes (Counting in the extra time I spend on minute details like a perfectionist 😭)

I for some reason really like spending egregious amounts of time on random objects too??? Unless it’s the in the background, I’ll spend 40 minutes refining it.

Random characters that are fully colored and rendered with take like 80 minutes.

The comics take usually take an hour or two per page. (If I decide to cross hatch it, my entire day will be gone with 4 pages… so I’ve been trying to find shortcuts. But not without sacrificing the quality for time lol)

I don’t think there’s any trick or magic to drawing faster. It’s really about weaponizing your artistic knowledge, and finding what’s comfortable or convenient for you!

There was a period of time where I would spend 11 or 12 hours on an illustration, and it wASS UGLYYYYY. (Some of these artworks are still available on my tumblr,,, but it’s SO LONG AGO, AND IT WAS MY 1ST OR 2ND YEAR GETTING INTO DIGITAL ART)

Overtime I learned what worked best for me, and practiced till I felt more comfortable with what I was drawing. Eventually I managed to shorten the time to 4 hours or less! Ambition was my biggest enemy but at the same time my biggest motivator. (And it still is LMFAO) 😭

EDIT (bit more to my way too long tangent): ALSO??? BRO DON’T BE AFRAID TO USE YOUR MESSY SKETCH AS LINEART OR DRAW ON TOP OF IT. I’VE DONE IT FOR YEARS NOW AND IT ADDS SUCH A GOOD EXTRA BIT OF TEXTURE,, AT THIS POINT I DON’T EVEN USE LINE-ART ANY MORE UNLESS IT’S A COMMISSION,, (IT’LL ADD LIKE AN 2-4 HOURS TO MY WORK)

[hanzajesthanza]

geralt is also a most real depiction of good quality fatherhood and great girldad representation because EVEN THOUGH witchers don’t even experience aging at the same rate as non-GMO humans, EVEN THOUGH it would be “biologically impossible,”

geralt having had been raising a pre-teen girl for maybe a few months to a year already “gave the impression of having aged,” his “face slashed by wrinkles.” the emotional toll on this man from raising she-devil ciri

and this is only the very beginning of the saga. BEFORE everything goes to shit. the wrinkles have set in