#but also maybe not bc i dont want to rewatch
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why do i find this plot so fucking stupid
#☆ { acolyte }#its not hitting at. all. my friends#the only somewhat intruiging thing is qimir but we all knew that already havent we#i will put it into words eventually#but also maybe not bc i dont want to rewatch
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was worried parts of cr2 would not hold up on rewatch (especially seeing people hate the aeor arc so much) but ngl so far its either been good and fun as hell (travellercon, pirate arc) or just straight up banger after banger. like the xhorhas to angel of irons through to refjorged arc and then the cathedral.................. unrelenting slay
#so far the aeor arc is banging i love that its so freaky and i love that theyre committing to the bit and its cold as fuck and snowy#and everyones getting points of exhaustion from the cold#and lucien is scary . and it just feels like from the point they find molly's empty grave and then again when vess dies that theyre#spiralling as fast as an actual play dnd podcast can go towards a big scary climax with connecting threads and research its so fun#im excited for later when (almost) everyone starts getting the eyes on themselves. i love the raising stakes of it. its so spoooky#just abt to get to the ep when caleb and beau first do 😈#kiddo say#cr2 is just peak to me .#i did start at the beginning of the iron shepherds arc tho so i did hear/remember it starts slow. but idk i still like the characters enoug#but maybe i should go back to there too#(my rewatch started because i wanted to watch scenes with nila and then just kept going while i was working lmao)#nila and keg rule sm some of my fave guests. reani too#twiggy also is v good. but i should go back bc i actually dont remember calianna very well .
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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light critique of the new nsbu episode bc i just finished it and think its important to be critical of things i like sometimes rather than blindly loving it i think being critical can make you like it more but under the cut if you dont wanna see something like this
anyways hi i don't think ally should've done that wits check on g13. it felt meta gamey to me and like since theres not a ton of metagaming on d20 im fine with a slip up but then they brought usha back and i love usha but i just think its sad that we're gonna miss the conflict that could've come in the next episode or even the last episode when they realize g13 took over usha. likely not the last episode but i think it could've made some really interesting conflict later on and now we don't have that :( also no g13 interacting with anyone aside from kingskin man. imagine incel g13 with russell after what jessica told him
however i did scream and jump on my couch when alex hit that 12 to save usha and i am very grateful for that moment i am high on adrenaline rn
#crunchyposts#d20#nsbu#nsbu spoilers#never stop blowing up spoilers#maybe ill take this back when the season's over but just putting out my thoughts for rn#maybe its also bc i just finished rewatching trw and im thinling about character conflict happening in one of my games#and that shits delicious to me#i cant tell rn if this is a difference between what i want and whats best for the season but idk just my perspective#i like talking this is my blog yall cant stop me just practicing my critical thinking skills babyyyyyyy ive spent too long not doing that#also no shade if you dont wanna read this i block crit tags of things i like bc i just need to be in the right headspace for it we're vibin
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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wanted to do the hev suits like this started out to be but! well! gordo lineup
#art#half life#hlvrai#freeman's mind#gorgeous freeman#gordon freeman#gordon freemind#gordon feetman#hoping my writing isnt too bad LOL#kinda disjointed n not perfect but i wanted to solidify a few things#also the hla damage was bc of the advisors attack which is a litte further than i wanted this lineup to be#but how could i resistttttttt#i need to rewatch/play hl to figure out when best hed have a broken ankle. im thinking in hl1 but gman would. probably fix that?#but i it could work somewhere in hl2 orrrr ep1? sure. why not#morphine+the suit+Need To Survive you kinda learn to live w it#uh oh im rambling again. oh well#i wanted to give mind more damages like missing claws at LEAST but i need to think more#he def like . absolutely doesnt have hearing in that ear LMAO#scarring on hev suit from prime doesnt make much sense since its extra padded#but his model suggests otherwise??? idk i dont care. im giving him scars#im thinking mind n prime confide a lot together. i think theuy can be kinda friends maybe. listen... it could work#i have so so so so many thoughts you dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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o i wanted to make a post that im honestly not smart enough to actually sit down and think out but i like the way meryls trauma doesnt completely woobify her character but does still affect her, it just feels nice to see a female charcater not be completely reduced to a wet soggy mess bc of trauma but also not to (very unrealistically) just Get Over It i think trigun has a nice balance and its refreshing
#also not saying its a secret feminist masterpiece or anything (coz ive seen ppl say that and. come on) but i still think it does well-#enough to be given an appreciative nod#i mean its clear nightow didnt know what to do w milly n meryl after a certain point bc there was just. So much goin on w vash and knives#so he just has the girls do some nomad stuff offscreen until he was ready to bring them back in and yknow what i dont hate that#i think its important to note the women in trigun are fucking amazing tho like. rem meryl luida elendira even lina#and yeah millys underdeveloped but still shes so good#so im not gnna sit here and criticise nightow for being just as misogynistic as some other male mangaka bc i think he does very well#and thats not even to say the bar is on the floor like i truly believe that. i love meryl for a reason#but. ppl can we maybe stop w the 'trigun is so feminist' praise bc lets be real nightow probably just has a thing for strong women#98 anime is a little different tho i was pullin some faces while rewatching some clips.#im obvs talking abt the manga#and stampede is still not done so i wont comment too much on that besides the fact i like where its going (girlwise)#i dont usually like viewing manga thru this lense bc its not the same culture and feminism looks different in japan than it does over here#but i saw a chart. it made me twist up my face and go hrrrrnnnmmmmmnnnnmmnnm..... nnhhnnhhjnnn... mmmmmmmm#jesus i didnt mean to go off in these tags i just wanted to make another 'meryl good' post for the pile#ig im still thinkin abt that chart idk i guess it stuck w me (regretfully)#anyway point is i love meryl for a reason trigun women are great thanks nightow but im not gnna praise him for bein a feminist icon
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anyway do u think deadpool and wolverine is on streaming yet i need to find that on a totally legal website soon
as of saturday night IT IS NOT !!! which sucks and they lied
i know it is on the totally legal website soaper.tv or whatever its called ;)
ok coming back to here after writing all the tags thirty tag limit?? that is wild to me i didnt know that existed
#was like surely it is streaming they said beginning of october#so made plans to watch it w two friends#AND IT WASNT#but we still watched it bc we are not quitters 😤#i doubt it has changed in two days#but idk bc i dont have disney plus or prime#loved the rewatch bc i got to notice a bunch of little details#could not tell you what they were now#except wolverine’s brown and yellow suit#which didnt especially stand out to me before bc i had not read any of the comics yet#also just the. when wolverine is like ‘no actually the silence is worse i need to be able to remember’#BC THAT IS LOWKEY SUCH A PLOTPOINT IN ONE OF THE COMIC ARCS IM READING#krakoa and realiving cannot remember the word for that for the life of me#but then when you get RESSURECTED THATS WHAT IT IS i think maybe traumatic stuff becomes less traumatic#and domino is like. i can never die now bc i need this trauma to stay with me since it is such a part of who i am#but then she dies and wolverine is like ‘hey just making sure youre ok with how you are now’#bc he knew (firsthand) how important memory was#and that forgetting the past is often worse than dealing with the pain#and then the tva agent going ‘we cant fix his world bc thats how he became who he is today’ (her wording was perhaps not great but whatevs)#which was ALSO a thing in wtnv recently lmao??#landfill that you cant put tangible objects in#and only memories you want to forget#and then they had a winter… anti-spring cleaning… sale?#where you could take back one memory#and basically it went: person who got rid of every single bad memory now finds the tiniest things (like snow) horrible and scary#and life ruining. so they pick the worst memory to get back#anyway also something something immortality is a curse#ask#pen and ink#sunsetstarving
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i started reading this fucking out of character thick of it fanfic like a week ago bc even tho i could tell from first glance it was going to be ooc i was just curious and it sounded kind of funny slash tragic. (how are you tagging grief child death domestic violence attempted suicide on a ttoi fic hello?) and i dooo like complaining And for the most part if it weren't supposed to be about those guys it would just be pretty good so im not Regretting it? but i didn't realise how many stories were in the series and im probably 150k words in. and not much more than halfway through
#and it doesnt even have sex scenes. fml#me.txt#iam also so fed up with writing that seems to romanticise women prioritising men andtheir emotions over their own personal safety/ wellbeing#like im not saying you cant Depict that but maybe lets unpack that. and not treat it as if it's just that woman's inherent personality#rather than a something shes been Taught to do#though while we're on the subject actually i dont think the way nicola is written is in character either#like i focus on malcolm bc its more egregious but nicola is not.. shes not putting her kids before herself like that.#i know losing one of them might make a difference but its not even presented like it's bc of that. its just oh im writing a woman well her#priority must be her kids! well no she is a bad mum and doesnt really like her kids so#but that didnt stand out to me so much until i started rewatching s3.#i was more like ah yes. famously anti-racist feminist ally malcom tucker who easily goes not just hours but months at a time without saying#anything homophobic and uses the occasional ableist turn of phrase in his mind but usually keeps it to himself.#i mean i can definitely understand not wanting to comr up with and write realistic malcolm tucker dialogue. i wouldnt want to.#but well the whole thing is a bit he wouldnt fucking say or do any of that#but again. i could see that clearly from the description and walked in eyes open#its good tho its given me a lot to think about at work.
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aughh man its like. i want to watch something but nothing on youtube is good and everything being recommended to me feels like mindless slop but also i dont feel like there's any good shows out right now that i could watch and i also dont really want to rewatch anything and at its core i think im bored and a little bit creatively unfulfilled
#jaytalking#like gem put out a new hermitcraft and i normally would enjoy it (started watching her this season and its been nice) but i watched the fir#first eight or so minutes maybe less. and i just was like. eh.#i dont know why but its like. i just want to watch something good#really i should rewatch the bear or severance but really i should probably just go read a book. thats probably my issue#or play pokemon bc that will give me a dripfeed of dopamine or w/e. im no brain chemist#also this is gonna sound so lame but we didn't do anything mentally challenging in calc today which was nice. but also its nice for me to#have math that i can do bc genuinely im like. oh im bored? might as well go do some math because its just like doing a puzzle. that rewards#me (green check and points) for being right.#also ive been thinking about maybe getting a degree in math lately. but i dont even know what id do with it. fuckin not statistics#and i dont want to teach or go into academia. really i just want to have fun little puzzles to do because really that's all math has been#and also i want to watch dunmeshi or frieren but also i dont and man. its really just boredom that's the killer#also i had a coffee earlier and i don’t know if that’s also part of this lol. like i got so much stimulation and now it’s warm off im like.#well what now.
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should i take a break from watching drag race yes or yes jdnwdnd
#not entirely but lowkey im putting brasil and uk on hold (and maybe italy too...??)#bc all my faves from uk are gone </3... and i dont want to get burned out by the time s16 gets announced#atp i'll wait for canada 4 :p buuuut i also forgot abt wanting to rewatch thailand but who knows lool#k.txt
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cant stop thinking abt how fucking good puss and boots the last wish is. since its out on streaming in the states i can actually watch it using my bff soap2day so honestly babes i might rewatch it even though i just saw it 😭😭😭
#prob wait till tmrw bc its too alte to watch a whole movie but like. i needd to !!!#watching a podcast ep on it rn. having a ball in this bitch#also kind of MAD!!! (not rly j bein silly) bc even tho iirc it was released this year here its technically a 2022 movie#so now idk if this or matilda the musical is my fave movie of 2022 😭#i mean it doesnt matter bc i dont put much weight on my favourite film of each year anyway . like i bet if i had seen glass onion or eeaaw#id probably say its either of those but like !!! i had it in my mind that matilda the musical was my fave 2022 movie nd now im conflicted#(also tbh i have no idea if id like glass onion nd eeaaw more i just want ppl to respect me based on very dumb standards lol)#maybe ill rewatch them both. thatll b fun tbh. i also have two mock exams on tuesday i shld study for. but i wont 👍🏽#flappy rambles
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what do you think yaz stopped herself from saying in revolution when she goes "i never stopped to think-"?
bc i think yaz always knew that time with the doctor was like, finite. i think she went into it knowing. she goes into it with "i want more", she knows it will end, she just wants a little bit longer. same in revolution "im not ready to let you go yet". she knows she will have to one day, just not yet, not just yet. i think she felt the clock from the start as much as the doctor always must feel the clock with companions. you meet them and time starts ticking until you lose them. it's a doctor thing to feel, so i think yaz felt it too.
and she knew travelling was dangerous, and she knew people died, but i think maybe she hadnt anticipated that it might be the doctor that would be the one to die? theres something indestructible about them. i mean theyre bouncy. 13 throws herself between the fam and danger from the very first night as if she cant be injured. even when she sort of visibly is.
like theres a lot of things yaz might have been thinking and i dont know if this is the option that makes the most sense, like she might have thought they'd get to say goodbye at least, or she'd get the choice at least, a last trip, anything, that it wouldnt be so abrupt. but i feel like with how power of the doctor ended, with like 13 sort of having to submit to her mortality, and yaz first saving her from it and then having to watch as her body like shows the actual physical signs of what amounts to death in both of their eyes, AND maybe also the fact that 13 doesnt deny it most of all. like theres no pretending it's just you know what this means we both know what this means we stop pretending now, like. All Of That being how it ends. i feel like maybe yaz in revolution/timeless children just wasnt expecting it to be the doctor to die
#just One Guess i dont even think it's the right guess but whatever#im watching 1 scene in the middle of revolution i havent rewatched anything in forever im hardly gonna come up with smth insightful#im just making a video abt the suicidality parallels and how i think yaz wanted to save 13 in s12/revolution the same way that like#people sorta saved her#to come after her to prove that they were looking#bc im sure she sawherself in 13 during s12#theres also a maybe interesting survivors guilt kinda angle here#survivors guilt is obvs the thing 13 shares with graham#parent stuff with ryan#suicidality/policing with yaz#idk just thinking out loud#i dont think yaz felt survivors guilt as much as failed savers guilt (doctor core)#but maybe there was a little bit of /IM still alive rn?? ME??/#you know what i mean?#anyway. thinking out loud#revolutioni s making me remember all the thoughts ihave abt revolution so if im about to make a bunch of posts that#ive made before#whatever#tis my house
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grah
#i WILL be the best#the best the best the best#one of the kids in my class got a 1560 on the SAT#the official one#the harvard average is 1520ish#like im going to kill myself#no im not taking the sat bc im staying in canada but god god god#also im watching rebelde way and i made such a mistake of skipping for just the pablizza scenes#like theres so many other characters and dynamics that i missed so now im rewatching all of it#god i want to be loved like that#maybe the god was unecessary#but oh#oh fran#oh tomas#oh pablo#the bar is so high im going to be single forever#ragh#anyways i highly reccomend learning spanish like there's no other way#rebelde way doesnt have subtitles and even if it did i dont think there's words in the english language that like translate well#this makes me want to move back to latam like im just#oh the frustration#also im doing pretty good. life is actually good#except i have no clothes and wear the same 3 fits all the time i hate my life
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utena, man.
#crow talks#rgu#i think im gonna take a break before i watch the movie and revue starlight#just. maybe two days? idk.#i have no idea how i feel abt it.#ig i feel relieved that anthy's ok.#also chu chu#but. everything else idk.#i have no idea how i feel other than sadness abt the fact that i finished it.#my crying was so bad btw#i had snot all over my hands bc of me trying to wipe them away#i got a tissue later dw#should've got some ready but alas i did not think of that#i might rewatch it one day.#dont know when but i know i want to watch it again#now knowing everything rewatching it will probably be an Experience for sure#but for now im gonna take a break then watch the movie then FINALLY revue starlight#cant wait to find out what happens there!!!
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...
#sometimes. most times. if i cant articulate things properly i feel like my heads gonna explode. which is unfortunate bc i have the#language is hard brain problems. my neurology makes articulation difficult. but i try reguardless. which is sometimes. most times.#exhausting. that words gets thrown around a lot when i describe the patterns of my thoughts. exhausting. and it is i guess. tho id say its#more annoying and frustrating. but maybe its also exhausting. hard to tell when its how u think. but ive been reading a lot of papers this#weekend. enjoying the papers i read. papers about photosynthesis at the edge of habitability. about genetis and the structure and functions#of proteins. and the learning curve is steep but im learning bit by bit. and it just sorta makes me sad bc the way that my brain works has#so damaged the way that i interact with the world and i can see it at every step of my academic career. i dont even kno what to say abt the#past 2 years of my life. from where i stand now its just a black hole of self destruction. y did i do that? i dunno. at the time i was just#following the arbitrary rules and restrictions laid out for me within my head. did these rules have a rational basis? no. not usually. but#thats how it had to be. exhausting. but even then i coukd sometimes see thru to the wonder. and it was agony bc i wasnt allowed to think#abt it. its still agony now but i can feel it more often. maybe that's what happiness is to me. to be so full of wonder that i cant take it#i cant exist in that state or id b nonfunctional. its too big for my chest. it makes me want to scream and weep and pull at my hair. and#and its maddening bc i cant articulate it properly. except to call upon media short hands. there is wonder here. a nightmarish description#but not always. sometimes it was beautiful. theres a reason ive read annihilati0n 5 times despite hating the book. theres a reason i rewatch#the terror nearly once a month. to find beauty in a thing that causes you such terror and pain. theres something about it i can't find the#words for and its driving me nuts. exhausting. but so it goes#unrelated
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