#but also literally when it gets too bad i know i just need to call someone i love take a walk and drink water

[lovscb97]

bang chan recs (18+)

key: !!! = personal favourite, s = smut, f = fluff, a = angst

add. notes: hai :3 i know i said i would make a skz recs list but the minute i scrolled thru my likes n started saving from chan onwards, i realised i had Too many recommended fics for him (this list is like 40 fics/drabbles long....) so i decided to just make member separate posts instead!!! i tried not to have repeats of authors to give u guys a broader scope to choose from n also sorry in advance that i yapped so much abt them it's just like . these r my all time fav authors so it's expected. anyways i hope u guys love these works as much as i do bcs they r from some of my absolute fav creators n plz give them lots of love n always make sure to appreciate these ppl <3

. . .

hopelessly devoted to you — @changbunnies (!!!, s, a?)

this was literally a 11/10 fic like i am not even joking rn. i luv greaser chan n even tho he messed up, the way he makes it up to mc is so so soooo sweet. the fact that he's so gone n pussydrunk while eating her out, the sweetness in how he holds her n fucks her is all too mindnumbing n i hope u continue writing bcs u r amazing at it!! i will always come back 2 this when i need a pick me up fr

2. bad idea — @hyunsvngs (!!!, s)

JUNOOOOO my lovely baby.... i adore u n all ur work always but this fic. This Fic. it changed the trajectory of my life. like not even kidding but i was a different person when i started reading this n when i finished it i was Changed. life is worth living now, the grass is greener n the birds always sing 2 me which i firmly believe is bcs of u n this beautiful yummy fic. i fucking LOVE stepdad chan sm like there's smth so gross n nasty abt fucking ur mom's bf n even tho mc is a menace, i still loved it. never stop doing what u do!!!

3. 1095 days — @luvyeni (s)

EX INMATE CHAN RAHHHHH!! i have akshewally been following ur work for so long n i LOVE!! the way u write :3 thank u for always churning out ur work so fast n being so good at what u do. im obv a sucker for daddy kink considering i eat it up every time n it's so fucking good i love how chan cares for mc n the way he gives it to her once he's back. mark my words i will EAT this man up n this fic whenever i stumble across it

4. milk and honey — @straykeedz (s, f, a?)

user straykeedz u have to stop... ur work too addicting n perfect.. ur depiction of chan too real n crazy (/pos)... they're gonna get u... but seriously i love bffs2lovers so bad n the way u always characterise chan n make him call mc so many cute pet names melts my heart :( i've also been following U for a long time n even tho everything u write is so so soooo good, this has to be one of my faves alongside ur inexperienced chan fic. i hope u don't pressure urself too much to update n jus do what u have to do :D

5. my wife — @chrizzztopherbang (s, f)

ngl i Think this is my first fic from u cus i followed u bcs of it n that's a given honestly cus newly turned husband chan?? eating his wife out metres away from his friends n family on the other side of the door n fucking her within an inch of her life right after they're pronounced husband n wife?? i love it i loved their bickering over who's a pervert n i just love the idea of mc finally calling the love of her life hers forever. i hope they r always happy alongside u

6. sweet nothing — @frenchkisstheabyss (!!!, s, f, a)

this fic actually changed me as a person too not even kidding. i EAT UP exes to lovers n the portrayal of it was so good here bcs there's so much unspoken tension between the two n then chan begging mc to not leave again n her promising she won't bcs all she wants to do is be his at last?? AWOOGAAAAA i need him so bad it's jinja michin (i am so cringe sorry..) ANYWAYS!! i hope u know tattoo artist + ex bangchan is a crazy combo n that the makeup sex was HOT HOT HOT!!! plz keep writing i adore u <3

7. pick you up — @moonchild9350 (!!!, s)

see idk if this is tmi but sex where ure being picked up n fucked is downright nasty in the best possible way n i fear i need to get railed like that by chan so u writing abt is literally u making my fantasies come true. this fic was a delicious mix of cute w chan telling mc he only works out so he can pick her up (based off of his bbl texts obv) n hot w him Actually fucking her within an inch of her life. i love all ur work tee bee eich so keep doing what ur doing!!!

8. spring has sprung — @cbini (!!!, f, s)

miss ems where do i even begin with u.. (u probably Do Not Know me but i know u smirk emoji. soz that was weird erm but ya i am the binnie anon who said u deserve changbin LOLZ) this fic was the perfect mix of cuteness w raw passionate fucking i love the idea of chan getting hard bcs ur dressed so preciously in a pretty dress i think it's rooted somewhere in his slight corruption kink which comes out def when u r all dolled up for him. anyways u never miss n i hope u know that <3

9. walking in on rooomate!chan / pt. 2 — @kacciidubs (!!!, s, f)

going 2 be very honest here i do not even remember what happened in part 1 bcs part 2 of this roommate chan fic actually blew my mind away like Seriously user kacciidubs u r insane!!! all ur work never misses n i am always so eager whenever u post bcs i've been following u n loving everything u put out for so long. ofc ur chan work is my favourite as u can tell but this fic... this fic was crazy the switch between daddy n sir oh my god what if i cream my pants rn. plz never stop writing <3

10. last nerve / pt. 2 — @cb97percent (!!!, s)

user cb97percent let me just preface this by saying whatever u write is INSANE. like i already knew u were a great writer but this fic? changed me as a person not even joking rn. the way mc n chan banter n how chan's an asshole who is pissed off how he can't get it up anymore unless he fucks mc is so funny n how the raw passion between them results in the best sex Ever. n ofc the ending w minho took me out n Yea i just . i have no words plz never stop writing to u as well

11. hush — @petrichor-han (s)

sucker for exhibitionism n sucker for chan so what better way to comemorate this occasion than by reading abt it? this entire scenario was so hot like honestly i can totally imagine chan's bitchass doing this bcs he's so cheeky in nature he would lose himself from the thrill of almost getting caught. u r amazing as always thank u for churning out so much content for kinktober may god or whoever u believe in bless u with eternal inspiration

12. daddy!chan helping you shave — @hyunjins-orange-slice-too (!!!, s, f)

i sent u an ask already talking abt how much i love u n everything u write but THIS. this made me weak in the knees bcs i have imagined this very scenario so many times if im being brutally honest. there's smth so sweet n domestic abt the act of helping ur partner shave n with daddy chan in the mix? kill me now plz. the way he asks if he can play w mc once he's done n how he sternly instructs her to be safe like omgkjdfjhjdfgjhhjg need him in ways that give the pits of hell a run for its money w how hot n nasty im abt to be fr

13. one last time — @baby-yongbok (!!!, s, a?)

like i said, i am a sucker for the exes to lovers pipeline alongside husband chan so while this isn't Either of those things entirely it still scratches the itch in my brain very very well. the way mc n chan exchange snarky remarks n how chan only says he's satisfied once they're done fucking OHHHH MYYYYY GODDDD... need this man carnally like i would dump him just so he can fuck me the way he fucked mc in this fr (that is a lie we r locked in 4 life). u r brilliant as always i always look forward to ur work so next time u r questioning if this is worth it just know lovscb97 on tumblr has ur back fr

14. chan ask drabble #1 — @skzms (s)

maymay.. my eternal luvr... the genius behind smrsmf minsung... ofc u were bound to eat this up n end up on this list. idgaf if it's just an ask answer or drabble bcs the way u write is so . so Elegant. i love how u always use ur words to describe the emotion lingering between ppl in love n the way u do it here w chan n mc, the way he reassures her afterwards n how he promises her he'll give her everything later while fucking his fingers into her ohhhh mannnn.. i can just imagine him in his suit thank u for bringing the vision to life fr

15. you're right, baby — @chlorinecake (s, f)

soft dom chan who is ur fiancé fucking u n claiming u bcs he's a lil pouty that u forgot ur ring?? n then going so far to say he'll cum in u to make sure everyone knows who u belong to?? RAHHHHHH HE NEEDS ME!!! this was written so deliciously i loved the way mc n chan cared for each other n also the ending was so cute LOLZ hope they r happy in every universe n that their wedding goes great fr u r an awesome writer user chlorinecake

16. silence — @valkyriexo (s, a)

make up sex make up sex make up sex!!! i love it so good even tho it hurts so bad when mc realises chan forgot to show up :( but the fact that he makes it up to her by begging her to not leave him n making her cum as many times on his tongue as possible for her to forgive him?? INSANITY!! the longing in their eyes n words n actions from how much they've missed e/o when he finally touches mc n oh man.. u ate this up

17. corruption — @goquokka00 (s)

STEPBRO CHAN RAHHHHH i am a sucker for him (in more ways than one iygwim eheheh.. soz) i loved the sinister blackmail u added into the story n how he fucked mc bcs of her bad grades by making up some shit excuse abt learning how to please someone like y/n u can't be this dense girl!!! (i'd do it too if he asked me #Tbh) ANYWAYS. idk how this didn't have more notes bcs it was hot asfk i hope u keep writing more stuff to come :3

18. chef's kiss — @hyuniepies (s, f)

the tenderness of mc n chan's love mixed w the nasty dirty talk ohhhh hyuniepies u r a GENIUS!! this is exactly how i imagine domestic life w chan would be like; him coming back home to u cooking a dinner n then fucking u absolutely silly on the countertop bcs he just can't wait after getting a look at ur figure n bcs he's missed u so much. i too would be obsessed w bangchan if (read: when) he becomes my husband teehee

19. chan ask drabble #2 — @miupow (!!!, s)

USER MIUPOW UR FUCKING BRAIN!! HOW DO U CARRY SUCH A HUGE BRAIN IN UR HEAD!!! DOES UR BACK NOT HURT FROM HOLDING UP THE DELICIOUS IDEAS OF BCHAN SIZE KINK!!! like i told u yst i love ur writing n i love U so bad. u always eat w every request or idea u come up with n i absolutely adore that for u i hope u truly never stop writing bcs u have a serious gift n i hope ppl keep telling u that constantly bcs i sure as hell will <3

20. pretty mouth of yours — @jeongin-lvr (s, f)

need to give chan head like . Yesterday. but OHHHH MEINNNN GOTTTT fiancé channie w mc sucking him off so pretty u know exactly what im a sucker for u dont u user jeongin-lvr? ur writing is tooooooo good i swear i have read so much of ur work n granted this is one of my fave chan works from u icl i love the jeongin ones even more but i'll add those to my innie recs list later :3 ANYWAYS!! plz never stop writing u r awesomesauce (cringe.) n i love u hope u r having a great day today

21. daddy issues — @hwan-g (!!!, s, a)

HELLO THIS FUCKING FICCCCC... it is so good so delicious so fucking beautifully written that it brought tears to my eyes no joke. i still remember the first time i stumbled across it n like wow.. i think i dmed u on my side reading account too to express how much i liked it bcs i rly Did like it truly was a piece of art n sometimes i can't believe ppl like u just write stuff like this for free?? u should be getting paid good money bcs all ur work ALWAYS eats <3

22. closing the distance / pt. 2 — @thefantasyden (s, f)

ik long distance relationships r tough n it's awful when u can't spend time w each other physically or touch either but hear me out . it would Not suck w chan bcs he'd do everything for u the way he does everything for mc in this fic. from how he shows up n is too nervy to kiss her to them finally touching each other for the first time n then she moves back to him?? ohhhh man i love love n i love U for making this ur work always eats n trust that i'll always come back to this fic when i need to rmb how much i love chan

23. riding chan's thigh/knees — @faeryacha (!!!, s, f)

i love daddy chan so bad im sorry im not even gonna hide it anymore n i love the way he was written here too, from the way he asks if mc wants to play to the way he has her fuck herself on him to get herself off like i'm not even into little space like that but the minute he refers to himself as daddy n speaks to me all soft n protective im on my knees on the floor ready to suck him off like my life depends on it. u ate so bad w this plz continue doing more amazing work in the future!!!

24. steamy desires — @notsoangels (s)

shower sex w chan mngnghfhghgh.. need him so bad id let him fuck me anywhere as he pleases but in the shower?? w the hot water cascading over us w just us in our little world like omgomgomg NEED. i love the simplicity in ur writing too n how it paints a picture in my mind bcs i can vividly imagine all of this happening like him making u squirt on his cock n then rinsing u off so u can spend time wrapped up with each other on the bed like plz. One chance plz.

25. the fuckboy next door — @seospicybin (!!!, s, a)

miss seospicybin.. how do u always do it? how do u always come out w the most mindbreaking jawdropping amazing insane array of fics without even breaking a sweat like hello? this series is so fucking good from the smut to the angst that hurts so good. i love the development of the plot n that chan tries So hard to be true to mc so he can be w her n the way she tells him to do it for himself like :( they deserve each other sm i am very much looking forward to part 4!!!

26. pussydrunk chan — @aeliuss (s, f)

mngngngngjghgh i love pussydrunk chan so bad n i love the idea of him being so infatuated w mc that he just Had to drag her away n eat her out. i also love that he's there to support her in the end n how turned on he gets from her just being herself like that is a real man!!! n the way it's so reflective of how chan is irl too? i feel like this is how exactly how he'd behave— needy but so so soo in love with u too

27. kitty — @bandgie (!!!, s, f)

no joke this fic made my pussy throb. i need him 2 do this to him so bad bcs i need Him so bad. the way u wrote the subspace drop n how immersed mc was in her role n the way chan guides her thru everything n then the aftermath of it like hngnngnfgddjghjgh... i always have loved ur writing but this particular piece rly got to me along w ur kinktober series i hope u continue to do writing bcs u seriously so so SO good at it fr!!

28. angel eyes — @temptaetions (!!!, s, a)

this fic. this fucking FIC. bro this is actual evidence of the fact that literary geniuses exist bcs the way u wrote so beautifully not just the actual smut but the whole storyline?? u r a godsend fr like u should be getting paid to put out work of this degree. not only r u a PHENOMENAL writer but i hope u never stop writing bcs this was actually so so lovely n amazing to read i wish i could revisit the first time i read this T_T

29. just (fucking) friends? — @snowyquokka (s)

HELLOOOO i love possessive fwb chan almost as much as i love ur writing!! the way he's so annoyed at how she said they're just friends so he takes out his anger on her but then at the same time asks her what her color is to make sure she's still okay WOWZAAAA.. need him Bad. n in the end when they both agree they don't wanna be just friends like chan.. i don't want 2 be just friends either.. come 2 me plz... anyways very yummy work fr

30. american whiskey — @straywrds (!!!, s, a)

this fic... how do i even begin w this fic... the way u write is actually so . so otherwordly yk? u rly pour all ur passion into ur writing n the way u describe everything like every emotion every detail every feeling it's so raw n real that it touches my heart. i can Feel what each of the characters go thru n the SMUT... the smut is so so delicious ofc. i've read ur other work n u r such a good writer plz keep going with what u do i will always support u fr

31. free use w/ soft dom chris — @hwanghyunjinenthusiast (s, f)

the dirty talk in this.. hngnngkgjjdgjjh. i need free use w daddy!chan just as bad as i need to reread this fic ten times until it's ingrained in my brain n any telepath w the ability to read minds out there is disgusted by how many times i think abt it (idk what this analogy was i am sorry). the way he eats mc out n the way he fucks her omgfkjdgjhjhgjh NEED HIM RAHHHHH u did so well w this

32. play tight / pt. 4  — @roseykat (s, a)

squirting w chan squirting w chan SQUIRTING!! W CHAN!!! the way he makes mc do it once n then immediately goes "yea i need to feel that on my dick" n fucks her within an inch of her life like ohmygodjkdjhsfghj i did eat up the angst too but the way u wrote them fuckinig was so nasty n delicious I ENJOYED IT SM!! this entire series is such a good read even tho it's not chan centered idk if there r more parts to it but if there r plz link me to them!!

33. dream you — @charmercharm3r (s, f)

ok i know we r discussing smut n all n trust that i will get to that but THIS!! this was so cute n precious ohemgee the way he loves mc n takes care of her n banters w her at the start so lovingly is so so precious to me i want him so bad :( the smut was also very delicious w chan switching to hard dom mode n making mc suck him off before ravishing her like oh my god PLZZZZ FUCK ME PLZPLZPLZ u did so well on this plz continue writing more for me at the least <3

34. brat-taming w/ chan — @blurboki (s)

this damn drabble was so.. hngngjfjghjhdgjh. i want 2 be a brat to chan so bad n act out just so he'll snap n put me into my place which is exactly what u wrote n i LOVED IT!!! it's so short n simple (not a bad thing at all btw) yet it's so powerful too? i love the characterisation of chan cus i firmly believe this is how he'd act in bed w a fussy bratty s/o like wow. Just wow. i love u and ur delicious mind i hope u r having a great day just for this :3

35. tell me all about it.. — @chnsbm (s, f)

hngnfjhdfsjghgjh the idea of chan making u forget all about ur stress n playing with u to help u sleep is so gfjfjjjffjhgjhjh HOT!!! the way he lovingly reassures mc like u don't need to worry abt it now just let me take care of u n how he's such a fuckin TEASE!! w the way he's touching her is so so hot u ate w this idea n i will forever die on the hill that this is really smth chan would do— tease u n make u talk while he's doing ungodly things to u just to see u stutter over ur words

36. be that guy — @daizymax (!!!, s, a)

i have said it once i have said it twice n i will say it one more time bcs i don't care how many times i need to reiterate it needs to be said: EXES TO LOVERS W CHAN IS TOP TIER!!! the smut in this was so delicious but the LONGING chan had for mc.. the way he felt the twinge in his chest for letting her go oh man.. i'd take him back if he so even looked at me but maybe im just crazy. BUT ANYWAYS!! this is possibly one of the hottest chan smuts there ever is so thank U for this delicious gift fr

37. more than just friends — @kwanisms (!!!, s, f)

werewolf chan my luvr... my big strong baby who will knock me up w his knot n fuck me until the sun rises RAHHHHHHHH!!! this was so so SOOOOO good n yummy like from the way he pinned mc to the wall to the way he ordered her around n how his self restraint snapped the moment she called him daddy like why's that so Me behaviour HELPPPP anyways user kwanisms u fucking ATE w this i hope ur pillow is cold every night u go to sleep <3

38. connected — @j-0ne25 (s, f, a)

let me just start this by saying I FUCKING LOVE U USER J-0NE25!!! ur interactive stories esp megaverse r so fucking good how r u so bigbrained my dumbass could never like actually JSDHJFJHGJH. anyways i rmb reading this very vividly n oh boy.. "baby patience, or do you need me to teach you a lesson?" Brother my panties r drenched n off dont even start w me rn. anyways this was so so delicious plz never stop writing i beg u

39. chan ask drabble #3 — @hyungszn (!!!, s, f)

saved the best for last but CLOVER.. (u dk me but i am ur biggest fan hai :3) "your mouth is saying no but your body is telling me a different story, mrs. bang." GRRRHJDJSDFJHKJSFKJSFKJGJ... I NEED HIM SOO FUCKING BAD!!! the way they banter even while having nasty sex n just love each other so bad n hello my breeding kink went feral w this. when mc asked him to not eat his cum out of her pussy n he was like "and why is that?" cus he wanted to hear her say it GRAHHHHH I WILL EAT HIM!!! on a side note, u r so so soooo amazing i have been reading ur work for so long i think since american pie n i can safely say u r one of the best skzblr writers i have ever seen along w so many other ppl like plz keep up the good work bcs i will ALWAYS support u for it !!!

. . .

add notes: thank u very much to all these amazing writers fr. if ur work wasn't featured here now do not fret!! i probably (most definitely knowing my dumbass) just missed it cus i didn't scroll Very far down in my likes (there's like 2k+....) so trust that u will most likely end up on the next recs list!! i love u all very much regardless if u r here or not n as always a very big thank u once more for all ur amazing hard work, u r all doing so well n i hope u guys know that <3

[whimsiwitchy]

Controversially Young Girlfriend (part seven)

Hugh Jackman x popstar!reader 

series masterlist & main masterlist

summary: y/n is a globally beloved pop star. She is known for her talent and dedication towards her craft. Recently, she has also been known for her preference for older men. After a breakup with her former older boyfriend, she had a run in with the hottest dilf right now, Hugh Jackman. Y/n tried to warn him, but what can she say, she has an effect on hot, older men. 

warnings: age gap (23/55), cursing, y/n used, implied shorter reader, afab reader, she/her pronouns, sexual themes, pedro (srry he's a big part of this chapter)

warnings will change as the story progresses! all descriptions of real people in this story are FAKE. I do not know these people and this is purely fiction. Please let me know if I missed anything!! <3

authors note: hi everyone! I literally just posted saying idk when I would update again but I decided to look through what I had written for this part and give it to y'all. she's a short one but it's cute. somewhat proof read lol. enjoy <3

part seven: closing chapters

You’ve been back in Los Angeles for less than a day and you already missed the simplicity of being with Hugh. Los Angeles was reality and it was an ugly one. All of the responsibilities came tumbling down on you and you felt like you were stuck in an inescapable maze. As much as you wanted to stay hidden, tucked under Hugh’s protective arm forever, you had to be an adult about this. You needed to stop ignoring Ashley and talk things out with her. You also needed to talk to Pedro and close that chapter that had been left wide open. Your personal life couldn’t have picked a worse time to get interesting. Tour started in two weeks, leaving very little time to tie all loose ends before traveling the world.

When you landed this morning, you ate a quick breakfast from a small cafe and went straight to rehearsals. They ran longer today to make up for the few days you were gone but you didn’t mind. Being on stage and performing the music you worked so hard on always upped your mood, even if you were unbelievably tired at the end of the day. At the moment, you were laying in bed, trying your best to stay awake while you waited for Hugh to call. He texted you a few hours earlier saying he spent the day with his kids and talked to them about the relationship you two had built over the questionable short period of time. He didn’t go into any further detail but promised to call as soon as he got home and settled. It was a little past 10pm, making it 1am in New York. Just as you were beginning to lose hope in Hugh’s late night call, your phone lit up with Hugh’s contact. 

“Hi Hugh.” You say sweetly into the speaker, sleepiness evident in your voice. “Hi, baby. Were you sleeping?” The deep accent you adored so much rumbled through the phone. “No, I was just laying down. How are you? How was your day?” As you speak, you move to sit up, your back resting against the headboard. “My day was good. It was nice to spend some time with the kids and catch up. We did a puzzle and talked, it was a nice day. How was your day, baby?” 

“It was good, busy. Basically hopped off the plan straight into rehearsals.” You let out an airy laugh. “I’m sorry sweet girl, I should let you get some sleep.” His voice trails off at the end and you know he genuinely feels bad for calling so late. “No, no…it’s fine. I want to talk to you. I don’t start as early tomorrow so I have some time to sleep in.” You assure him. “Are you sure baby? We can always talk tomorrow.” “I’m sure.” You let out a small yawn and Hugh chuckles.  “Hm, if you say so.” 

“Whatever..” You say playfully. The line goes quiet for a moment, neither of you speaking. “So uh…you told your kids about us?” 

You wanted to ease into asking but you were dying to know. Thay had been the number one reason you’d been so hesitant to take on a relationship with Hugh and you know their opinion means something to him too. If they didn’t approve or had any distaste towards your pairing, you weren’t sure if you could be with Hugh without having a heavy layer of guilt strapped to your heart. 

“Oh yea, I told them.” 

His response makes your heart skip a beat. Hugh was never one to beat around the bush but he was dragging this out and it scared you. 

“And what did they say?” 

Hugh takes a sharp breath in and your heart falls into your stomach. They don’t approve, you can sense the words about to tumble out of his mouth. 

“They’re fine with it.” 

His short answers are beginning to irritate you a little bit. You needed to know every detail of their conversation, you wouldn’t be able to sleep without it. 

“Hugh, can you please just tell me everything? Your lack of words is driving me insane.” You draw out the end of the last word, showing him just how frustrated you are. 

“I’m sorry baby, there's not much to tell. My daughter is a fan and begged me to introduce you two and um…well my son…he uh..this is so fucking awkward…” He huffs. “What did he say? I’m sure it can’t be that bad if they’re fine with everything right? Just spit it out, I can take it.” He sighs. “My son has a crush on you.” 

“Oh!” You can feel your body heat up underneath your duvet. “That uh…that is kinda awkward. What did he say about us being together then?” 

“He said something about how he doesn't understand how I was able to ‘bag a baddie’ like you, whatever that means.” You laugh at that. “He’s not mad, just jealous I guess. I’m really gonna have to keep an eye out for him when you meet them. I trust him, he’s my son, but I’m not gonna stand for his eyes wandering on my girl.”

You laugh again, partially because of his words and partially because of how wild this entire conversation is. 

“Well I’d love to meet your daughter and she’s free to come to any show she wants, I'll get her in. Same goes for your son as well, if that’s okay with you. I don’t want you to get too jealous and cause a fight between you two.” You giggle through the last few words. 

“Yea yea, we’ll see.” 

The line goes quiet again, a comfortable silence. 

“Hugh, I have a question.” “Shoot baby.” You can hear the sleepiness starting to appear in his voice. “I was wondering if you’d be okay with me going to talk to Pedro soon?” You hear rustling on his end before he speaks again. “Why do you want to do that?” There’s a slight hint of anger in his tone but you know it’s not towards you but towards how Pedro treated you. “I really need to talk things out with him. As much as I'm over him, there’s still a little part of me that needs closure, that needs to ask questions. I want this part of my life to be done but I need to have it properly sealed off.” “Could you wait until I’m back in town? I trust you but I don’t trust him one bit.” You smile at his protectiveness. “I really want to fix everything before the tour starts. I need to talk to Ashley too and the sooner I can get over this, the sooner I can put all my focus on the tour and you. So unless you’re planning on being back in town in a week, I need to do this alone. Is that okay?” He sighs and takes a moment. “Of course that’s fine baby. Just keep me updated on everything that happens.” “I will.” The two of you talk for 20 more minutes before you both call it a night, ending the call with “I love you”. 

The next morning, you immediately texted Hugh before rolling out of bed and starting your day. You showered, brushed your teeth, got dressed, and made your way to the kitchen. You opted for a lazy breakfast, too tired to do anything else. You popped a bagel into the toaster and fried an egg, laying a slice of cheese on top to melt. You made your little bagel breakfast sandwich and washed a few berries to go with it. 

While you ate, you scrolled through your phone. Hugh hasn't texted you back yet but it didn't surprise you. He was up late and with his age, he needed his sleep. You smiled to yourself as you thought about how peaceful he looks while he’s deep in sleep. While scrolling through instagram, you get an ad for Gladiator II. Your ex’s stupid hot face was plastered on your phone. You sighed and pulled up his contact. You were grateful you deleted the text thread you once had, you weren’t sure if you could handle seeing all of the previous sweet words he used to send you. 

You: hey p, it’s y/n. I was wondering if we could meet up soon and talk? no pressure :) 

Once you hit send, you locked your phone and slid it across your kitchen table. Your phone buzzed a few seconds later and your heart started beating faster…there’s no way he could have already responded. You reached for your phone, having to lift out of your chair slightly. When your phone unlocks, your heart slows down, it’s just Hugh. 

You texted back and forth with Hugh all morning until you pulled up to the Kia Forum. Tour was officially a week away from starting which meant you got to rehearse in the venue that would be starting the tour off. You’d been in the Forum a few times for various concerts but being here for your own performance was a different animal. Knowing that this place was sold out for you was wild. You caught up with all of your dancers, them sharing the same excitement. The energy in the building was electric. The crew was excited to get their creations in full and everyone was just happy to finally be starting. 

With being in a new space, the start of rehearsal was a bit slow. Lights, sounds, and various other things had to be adjusted now that everything was in full. You didn’t mind though. It gives you a chance to slow down and appreciate how far you’ve come. It was lunchtime and you decided to hide away in your dressing room to eat. A few people offered you to come with them but you really needed a moment to yourself. You were overwhelmed but in a good way. You grabbed some food from the catering someone had ordered, you made a note to yourself to find out who it was and thank them. 

Once you got to your dressing room, you pulled your phone out of your purse and scrolled through your notification log. Hugh’s messages were the first thing you saw. You were responding to everything he had sent when another message popped up at the top of your phone. 

pedro: hey y/n. I’m free today if you wanna swing by sometime? 

You pulled up to the familiar gates and typed in the code that was still etched in your brain. Once you parked your car in the semi circle driveway, you texted Pedro that you were here before taking a deep breath and stepping out of your car. It always looked out of place next to the large home, even more now that you didn’t belong here the way you once had. One of the brown French style doors open just as you're walking up the three concrete steps that lead to the entrance. You look up from your shoes. Locking eyes with Pedro, you feel your heart tense up. The pain of losing the man you had felt so deeply for re-entered your body involuntarily. He was wearing his typical casual attire: a pair of black cotton shorts, his beloved yellow lakers tee, and a pair of long black socks. The slight gray in his hair had begun to spread, the sides of his beard almost losing all color. He looked as handsome as ever. He held the door open with one arm, leaning slightly. A small smile rested on his face and his brown puppy dog eyes gave you the same feeling they had when you had first met him. 

“Hi y/n.” His voice sounded almost hesitant. “Hi P…Thanks for having me.” He backs up to let you inside. You slip your shoes off, like you had many times before. “No problem. I’m kinda surprised you wanted to talk to me, thought you would’ve been done with me after…well you know.” You don’t answer, instead you walk towards his living room and plop yourself down in the spot you had claimed many months ago, Pedro taking his own claimed spot not too far from yours. “It’s weird seeing you there again…missed seeing you here.” You sigh. “Pedro…don’t say that.” “Why not?” “You don’t get to miss me when you’re the one that left me. You hurt me P. Not the other way around.” He scoffs. “Sure didn’t seem too hurt to me. You moved on just fine.” “Can you stop being an asshole for two fucking seconds?” 

You wanted to come into this with patience and maturity but Pedro was making that impossible. He was being completely insufferable and had been since the moment he broke up with you, like it was somehow your fault. You missed the kind Pedro, the one you had fallen for. 

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? It took a month before you fell into someone else's arms, no let me clarify, my friend’s arms.” You could tell he was trying to get under your skin and you didn’t know where he gained this hatred for you. His voice was sour, a scowl present on his face. 

“God Pedro…” You sigh in anger. “Yes I invited him to the album party but he was there for me when you sat there and yelled- no embarrassed me at my own event. You don’t get to play victim in this situation. We weren’t together and hadn’t been together for weeks by the time I met him.” You could tell you were beginning to lose control over your emotions. The anger and pain both battled reaching for your throat begging to take control over your next words. 

His eyes go soft as he starts to speak again. “Y/n…I’m sorry about that, I was drunk and I-” 

You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You know what? Fuck you Pedro. Truly. You are the most selfish person I’ve ever met. You broke up with me because the pressure was too hard on you. You come to my event and try to grab me, then you yell at me because Hugh came to check on me. Now you’re mad that I found someone that actually gives two shits about me, that isn’t afraid to deal with whatever comes with dating a younger girl? I’m over it.” You laugh again. “And now you want to apologize for that night when you’ve been nothing but rude since I sat on this couch? I came here for closure, nothing more. I liked you Pedro. I really really like you and you crushed my heart that night and every time I’ve seen you after. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this hatred that you’ve been throwing at me but it’s not fair.” 

Your anger had won the battle but your sadness would win the war. Your voice broke on your last words, hot tears pouring down your cheeks. 

“It’s not fucking fair P…” 

You tuck your face into your sweatshirt, allowing yourself to cry in peace. Pedro doesn’t speak and the silence lasts for what feels like forever. You could feel a slight movement on the couch, then two warm arms wrap around your shoulder, a chin resting atop your head. The two of you stay like that for a while. You let your tears flood your cheeks until there aren’t any left. 

“I’m so sorry babygirl. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.” 

You slowly pull your face out of the sweater. One of Pedro’s arms drops to rest on his leg, the other lay across your shoulders still. His water line was filled with his own tears, eyes red. 

“Then why did you?” He takes a moment to think and pulls you into his chest. Your head resting right above his heart, the beat a little faster than the one you had memorized. 

“Shit y/n…I know no matter how I say this, it’s gonna sound fucked up.” He squeezes his arms gently. “I was so scared, baby. When everyone started to form their opinions on us and kept pinning me to be some weirdo, I freaked out. I’m at the height of my career and I couldn’t imagine losing that…and you were right, I'm selfish. When I let you go, I immediately regretted it. I showed up to your party wanting to apologize. I had a few drinks, some liquid courage if you will, but damn baby, those fruity little drinks were a lot stronger than I thought they’d be.” You chuckle at the comment. “I was waisted by the time I saw you and when…Hu-...when he came to defend you, I lost my shit. I was so pissed off. Even in the state I was in, the look in his eyes was loud. He looked at you with so much adoration and I knew I’d already lost you.” 

He pauses. 

“I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, I just..I just want you to- no, I need you to know what happened. I’m sorry for being an ass today too. I guess I’m not over you and it hurts that you’re over me.” 

You look up at him. 

“I’m not trying to be mean when I say this P but it’s your fault. I could’ve loved you….I was falling in love with you. My time with you was special, so different than anything I’d ever felt before. I think we would’ve been good together. If you would have talked to me, maybe things would be different. You should have talked to me.” 

“We could’ve been the greatest?” He gives a lazy smile down to you and you look down in shame, wincing slightly. “You watched it?” You ask quietly. “Yea I did.” He pauses. “You sounded beautiful up there, you’re so talented y/n…even if it was so clearly targeted towards me.” The arm that's wrapped around your shoulder moves, his hand resting on your head now, moving in slow circles. 

“Would you ever give us another chance?” He asks, looking down at you. The hope in his eyes pains you. 

“I love him P…” You see the small glimmer of happiness drain from his face. You were feeling just as hurt, knowing that if Hugh hadn’t entered your life when he did or if you had talked to Pedro sooner, you’d give him another chance without a second thought. 

“Does he treat you good?” You almost scoff at the question, given who’s asking, but you don’t have the heart to be mean to him anymore. “Yea he does…” You smile at the thought of just how well Hugh does treat you. “Well, then I’m happy for you.” 

“Are you really or are you just trying to be nice?” You joke and he shrugs. “The latter but truthfully if you were going to be with anyone other than myself, I’m glad it’s him. He’s good.” He smiles down at you and it almost reaches his eyes. “Speaking of Hugh…you kinda owe him an apology, mister.” You poke at the side of his chest that you’re not leaning on. “For what? Stealing my girl?” His words make your tummy stir. “I wasn’t your girl anymore. You called him old and yelled at him. He’s your friend, so apologize.” 

“He is old.” You punch his arm and give him a look. “Ow..fuck. Fine, I’ll apologize but I’m not sure how buddy buddy I can be with him anymore.” “I don’t really care about that, as long as you’re nice to him.” 

He doesn’t respond. You spend a few minutes feeling the warmth of his embrace, it was something you were going to miss. As much as you loved Hugh, Pedro had been someone special to you and it hurt to let him go, even with what he put you through. 

“How much longer do my pictures have on your instagram before I’m replaced by Hugh?” He jokes and your eyes go wide. “Oh fuck me…” You had completely forgotten about the pictures that littered your page. “I will.” He smirks. “Shut the fuck up. I’m deleting them in front of your face just for saying that.” You whip out your phone. There are a few texts from Hugh on the homescreen asking how it’s going. “I’m surprised your guard dog let you come alone.” “Oh believe me, he didn’t want me to but he’s in New York and couldn’t stop me.” You open instagram. “And for that comment, I'm making you press delete on these. You can feel the finalization of us being over. Consider it punishment for being such a dick.”  He laughed and pressed delete on the first one. 

In the third picture, you started to regret this ‘punishment’. “We were a cute couple. You remember that one? That’s when you came over and we fucked like rabbits all week-” “Okay your done. Give me my phone.” You shove him away after and he lets out a deep belly laugh. The sound made you pause for a moment. This was the Pedro you had enjoyed being around. It was always so easy to joke around with him and be yourself. You would miss him. 

series taglist: @chronicallybubbly @spideybv28 @pear-1206 @robertthehoover @reidsworld @bloody-bunni666 @quillycrow @kythefangirl25 @bluetimeombre @cskidjgsjaoaknayan52782 @thewiselionessss @annagraceevanss @peterparkernotfound @rogueinmymind @samsamsantos @wolviesgirl @white-wolf-buckaroo @weskerussy @marvelgirlie-4 @honey-ros3ss @nonamevenus @nizem8 @chaimshelii @rockerchick05 @starryeddie @saylak @haytchee @godlypresley @mega-kittyglitter-1 @acescutejeans-1247 @bethexo07

*taglist closed*

[frogchiro]

Hybrid re AU again 😳

Leon is a lot less grizzled and harsh compared to Jack. He has something of a forbidden friendship with Luis— Jack would say that anyone who isn’t allowed in the house should never be let near kitty, but Leon has seen Luis fighting to keep other coyotes and foxes off the property— he knows the fox won’t hurt you. You watch them play fight sometimes.

Leon still won’t let Luis get his knot in you, but Luis tends to flirt his way around that. What I’m saying is that Luis definitely gives Leon instructions on how to fuck you while he watches. Leon is practically a puppy— lived his whole life on the farm, doesn’t always know what to do to make you mewl, and Luis is happy to help, giving you kisses while you’re stuck on Leon’s knot

Also— Alcina seeing you from a distance and taking a liking. Maybe she’s never seen a domestic cat before— she lives so far remote in the mountain. So to her you’re just like… a little baby. She’s a big cat after all, and you’re so little. And it’s so terrible how those stupid man-things mount and cow you all the time— you’re clearly a little regal thing, like her. She sees your frilly collar and how you’ll bat around a little mouse from time to time— her tiny little huntress. Maybe she thinks you need someone to teach you more— about how to be a big cat.

I'm so happy with the response to the revamped version of the farm au ;;

I actually imagine RE2 Leon for this particular au! Fiercely protective and determined to guard his farm, prove himself and protect but at the same time he is still the fresh faced, bushy tailed rookie! Still has the heart of a pup!

And yes you are right! Where Krauser is a retired military hybrid, huge and experienced, all grizzly bulk, a true wall of muscles, fat and scar tissue who doesn't take shit from anyone, Leon is...well, you don't want to say stupid but he has a boyish charm to him.

Him and Luis have a...complicated friendship. At first Leon chased after him the second he spotted the brown haired fox hybrid sniffing around you but after a while he realized that Luis isn't as bad as Jack made him out to be. He's not pest! In fact he saw him chase away other foxes and coyotes who tried to sneak onto the farm grounds!

And combined with that, Luis's natural foxy charm and his genuine friendly approach to the young hybrid really sold it to Leon. He even allowed Luis to get close to you and actually approach you. No mating or knotting! Just let you two get to know each other better >:( You even got to laze around in the warm sun and watch these two chase each other and play fight which never failed to bring a smile to your face <3

As for Luis's charm...Well, he likes and respects Leon very much and he doesn't want to overuse that trust and friendship so he puts off actually mating with you for later, however the sly fox knows some way to go around it...

I imagine that Leon, in all his labrador hybrid charm, has very little experience when it comes to mating. You were literally his first! And he would be yours too if Jack didn't call dibs on you first as the older and more experienced one :( In short, neither of you have a lot of experience and it shows, especially with Leon and how 'adorably eager' he is, as Luis says it.

Leon is still a young man, eager to please and extremely virile but he doesn't have the experience nor patience, he still thinks with his balls and the only thing on his mind is to stuff you full with his pulsing knot and pup you up and this just can't do, a pretty young lady like you deserves better <3

I imagine Luis slotting himself against Leon from the back, grabbing his hips and basically guiding them, moving his hips and purring into the dogboy's ear about all the best ways to pleasure you, how to cant his hips right to not cause you discomfort and instead bring you the most pleasure, all the best angles and spots to have you yowling and cumming your pretty head off <3

Later, when Leon made you cum at least three times and he himself had his knot stuffed deep inside you, the tip of his sensitive cock lodged firm against your cervix and he laid his soft body on top of you to keep you warm, Luis made sure to slink in next to you and kiss you until you were mewling and pawing at him, purring your head off with his name on you precious lips <3

And Cougar hybrid!Alcina!! She thinks you're just delightful, a precious young thing that should be cherished and prized! Ever since she noticed you, she's been quietly observing you from a distance; the precious kitty girl that's the princess of the...farm thing, or so Alcina thinks she heard someone say.

And it is in fact terrible to see how you're treated! These stupid knot-headed man-things who only think with their balls, thinking only about spreading their nasty seed are absolutely abhorrent in her eyes! Alcina saw how either those awful dog hybrids chase you and mount you, especially that ugly old blonde one, so roughly until you're mewling. Or her dumb brother who always bellows about how he almost caught himself a kitty for dinner, dragged her back into his den and pupped her good.

You're wearing adorable bows and delicate collars with precious stones in them, she knows beauty and actually can appreciate when she sees it, unlike those man-things who only know how to knot...You deserve to be treated like a regal young lady should, not some washed out tart on the corner of a street. She could treat you so so much better...

[impactrueno]

hello dear! I was wondering and i apologize if you’ve already been asked but I was curious…ik that that toonjuice cares about Lydia like a niece/daughter, and the musical cares about her too, how would both react at how keetenjuice treated movie Lydia in the first film when she was a kid?…like say they never knew he was a p#do, how would they react? (And I’m sorry if this sounds bad or weird I’m just curious if they’re protective and shit or?…😭😭)

ok sorry first off i gotta reiterate: movie beetlejuice is not....a pedo....he was just using lydia as a green card thing just like musical beetlejuice.........he says it himself

this misconception comes from people repeating it a lot, especially after they spread the knowledge about the first versions of the movie script (which they changed for good reason,) but when you watch the actual movie and pay attention to what he says and how the wedding goes, it's a lot more clear that his sole intent was to cross over as soon as the wedding was finalized and get the hell out. especially now that we can compare that scene to the sequel where he actually IS into lydia now as an adult (which is creepy as hell on its own but it's very much not pedophilia let's not water down the terms here) and THIS wedding is like a WHOLE thing, he relishes it, he's not frantically hurrying it up, he takes his sweet time trying to woo lydia and enjoys it. his attitude could not be more different this time around

ok now that that's out of the way

if you're asking about my comics specifically, i've been writing them like they're already caught up with what went down with their respective lydias. each of them knows that movie bj tried to marry his lydia twice and has been stalking her for 30 years (he himself mentions it and musical bj uses that against him to insult him,) that musical bj DID marry his lydia but she immediately killed him (cartoon bj called her the "little black widow" and movie bj mocks him for getting tricked into it, as if he himself didn't also get tricked into marriage and murdered by his first wife lol) and that cartoon bj is best friends with his lydia and hangs out with her all the time (babysitting her, as movie bj put it.) the rest, they've been finding out through their conversations.

cartoon bj as we already know is jealously protective of his lydia, but musical bj ehhh not that much. hell, i'd argue he needs to be protected from her, lol.

i think he just knows she can take care of herself, she IS tougher than she looks and he can personally vouch for that. he did step in to save her from his mother, but i think that might've just been because he literally owed her his (incredibly brief) life and he wasn't gonna let someone take that from her. that has more to do with how he himself feels about life and death than how he feels about his lydia, i think. i'm not saying he doesn't care about her because he clearly does. but it's not like the dynamic cartoon bj and lyds have.

cartoon bj's protectiveness of lydia stems solely from how much he cares about her. he's not noble, he's not a hero, he's not a good guy, he doesn't protect her because it's the right thing to do, but because that's HIS best friend and no one better touch a hair on her head or take her away from him. a little selfish but oddly sweet in his own beetlejuicey way. lydia thinks so, at least.

i went off on a tangent here but i think establishing how they feel will help ppl understand where i'm coming from with this argument.

your question is how they would react to learning how movie bj treated his lydia when she was 15:

i talked a bit about how cartoon bj wouldn't stand up to the other two because he knows he has no room to talk, and i think he would only take action if either of them tried to do anything to his lydia (which they won't, obviously, but HE doesn't know that and doesn't trust them) but he also can't help but have a fondness for the other two lydias even if he doesn't really know them. he probably thinks hey if they're lydia, they're probably great. cartoon lydia has similar feelings about the other two juices; she thinks they can't possibly be that bad. but she's not stupid, she's also a bit wary. i think she just wants to get to know them and understand them, maybe sees them as misunderstood, just like how she sees her own beej.

now musical bj.........lol he would be the KING OF HYPOCRITES if he gave movie bj any shit about what he did, because he did exactly the same and was WAY more aggressive about it. he's extremely volatile and that makes him the most dangerous of the three in my opinion. he and lydia became friends, she left him alone for a bit to find out if she could see her dead mom again, his mommy issues and abandonment issues made him take that extremely personally ("you wanna treat me like a demon? then i'll be a demon") and he immediately decided he was gonna backstab her and force her to marry him so he could become alive and not be alone anymore. he tricked her the exact same way jeremy tricked astrid and almost got barbara killed just to extort lydia into agreeing to the marriage and possibly to also get back at her for leaving him, at the maitlands for helping her and everyone else for getting in his way. full on rampage. then when he falls for her bait and switch, he goes "ok well my plan failed so now i'm gonna kill ALL OF YOU"

if anything i think movie bj would be the one questioning musical bj about this stuff, especially now that he seems to have genuine feelings for lydia and helped her save astrid and get rid of rory (the rory thing was a freebie too, but i guess he needed him out of the picture if he planned to marry lydia anyway.) how he dealt with rory and jeremy shows that he actually has some integrity, and from how he talks about dolores we know that "even he has his limits." he follows through with every single deal he's made and he's never lied to lydia once. you can't say the same thing for the other two juices (cartoon bj constantly disappointing his lydia with his lies and lack of integrity, and musical bj for lying to, tricking and backstabbing his lydia)

i think movie bj would come up to musical bj, drape an arm over his shoulder to pull him closer "hey c'mere. lawrence. may i call you lawrence? just wanted to know what the hell is yer damage. lydia can teach ya some breathing exercises to, yknow, control yer emotions so you can stop making a fool of yerself know what i mean?" pat him firmly and stare him down with a scary sleazy smile. musical bj does need therapy. like. asap lol

it's interesting because it's not how you would expect things to go. but when you look closely and compare each of them....it's what makes the most sense.

at least that's what i think, this is all my opinion of course

[narkissistikos]

What could the golden boy of the camp possibly want? Maybe something to love? Something that could be touched? Just something other than the empty hopes, Luke had been holding onto since his childhood.

In reality he just wanted one thing that would make life worth living. Something that wouldn’t make him dread the tomorrows. Just something he could look forward to every night.

He knew they were empty hopes, but when he fell for you, gods, suddenly, everything felt better in a sense. Suddenly Luke wasn’t dreading waking up every day, or going to sleep at night. No never mind, he still didn’t like that. Those nightmares? Nah, he could live without them. But you, no. Not you.

He knew that the chances that you felt the same as him were low. No matter how much anyone said how good he looked, or how talented he was. He knew that you deserved better.

But Luke finally had something he could hope for, and he wasn’t going to let that go. No matter how much he knew that it was never going to happen, you would still be his first hope.

But being realistic isn’t helping. He’s falling. Hard and fast. And the fact that you’re nice to him doesn’t help either. I mean if you were either, mean or scary, in a literal sense, it would have been easy for him to not fall for you. But you’re not. You’re nice. And sweet. And friendly. And you smell good.

Like seriously what is it with that? I’m willing to bet everything that he’s addicted to your scent. He’s convinced you don’t need perfume. He’s not letting that scent fade away from his life.

He knows he’s not that bad, like a little bit, but not too much. But in front of you? He’s like a tiny little flower and you’re the whole spring garden. Luke could never be worth you…right?

For so long he had been looking for something worth hoping for, and now he’s found it. (And honestly its something both me and Luke have in common, having a crush makes us really happy)

And loving you, for Luke, is walking through the camp at night. Knowing that the harpies could get him, but a moment of peace was worth that. That feeling was similar to looking for you around camp throughout the day. He knew nothing would make him happier in the whole day other than that. But he also knew that his siblings would tease him relentlessly for looking for you like a lost puppy.

After a whole lifetime of feeling like he wasn’t finding his place anywhere, that he should be alone, and yet, he felt like having someone to call his own. Someone who would just understand him. Who would listen. And he found that in you.

Granted, the way to two of you worked wasn’t exactly…usual, per se. Who would think the two of you are together, if they saw you trying to strangle Luke for eating your cookie? But they believed that the two of you really loved each other when they saw you rambling about something, while Luke intently listened. But whether he was listening or distracted by how animated you look is still a question I have.

Tell him you love him! Please. I’m begging. He always feels like you deserve better, but he’s still gonna be selfish and keep being yours until you leave, (or if you leave in this case).

Like he is so insanely in love with everything about you.

Your eyes.

Your hair

Your smile

Your hands

Your voice

Your laugh

Your silly little happy dances

The way you eat your favourite food

How you ramble about topics you love.

And how could he not. How could he not love you? It feels impossible when everything in his life feels lighter with you.

How he’s grateful for everything that happened in his life that lead up to meeting you, because without all of that he wouldn’t have you right now.

He’d be a fool not to love you.

But honestly, whether you loved him or not, he just hopes for one thing. That you don’t ever change.

That your smile never drops.

That you never stop being so kind.

That your scent always stays near him.

(And also secretly that you keep loving him like that, but you don’t need to know that just yet)

[minervadashwood]

i watched a movie tonight called i saw the tv glow, and it was a movie about trans identity.

I especially resonated with the theme of wanting to stay in your comfort place. But when you begin realizing you are different, you also realize that your comfort place cannot contain the new you. so, you have to decide whether to block out the new you and continue to live the life that comforts you. Or to acknowledge and become your new self, while potentially giving up your home and family (both literally and metaphorically.)

*

I didn't realize I was nonbinary until my 30s. That is when I discovered the concept existed. Of course, I always felt left out, "off", or forced to play a role.

In my adulthood, after going through therapy for childhood emotional and physical abuse, I maintain the semblance of a normal relationship with my family. I've come out to them all. My parents either did not understand or pretended not to. My brothers said they understood, but afterwards acted like it didn't happen.

I'm reminded of the concept of the "unsayable" in literature and in life. Sometimes language fails us--or we know the words to say but cannot speak them. Fortunately, this is rarely a problem for me.

However, it is a problem for most people I was close to before I came out. My family cannot talk about any LGBTQIA topic without my parents clamming up, or later saying "I just think something went bad in the way those people were raised."

Ironically enough, I could be evidence of that erroneous claim. My gender was policed frequently when I was growing up, even well into adulthood. I know now it's because they were afraid of me being a lesbian. Jokes on them, I don't have a gender and don't care all that much about sex with anyone.

Every time they plan a "girls" night, or mom buys gifts for her "daughters" (my sisters in law and me). Or I am excluded from activities my brothers plan because it's a guy thing." I get left out 2-fold, relegated to socializing with my SILs and not my siblings, and dismissing my gender completely. Probably one of the most hurtful conversations recently is how joyous my entire family was upon learning my SIL's upcoming baby is a boy. Finally someone else to carry on the family name. Guess my family is carrying on another tradition: making a lifetime's worth of assumption assumptions about a child based on what's between their legs.

*

I turn 40 this month. My parents will likely pass away before I turn 50. I will miss them. I cry thinking of it. But I also wonder if it won't be freeing, too. I have in many ways outgrown the person they think I am, the person the subtly try to make me with underhanded comments or--even worse--their silence.

"I love you," they will say. But can they? Can they love the person I have become? The person I am now? Perhaps they are limited to loving me conceptually. Daily, I try to make my peace with that.

I don't have a replacement or "found" family. At least not yet. I have friends and a partner who accept me. But there is not that sense of acceptance and belonging to a group, the surety of unconditional love among more than two people.

Many of us are familiar with stories of outright rejection. Of parents disowning their children, of banishing them from home. It's heartbreaking, and those stories need to be told. I'll listen raptly every time someone shares one with me.

But perhaps there are other stories we can pay attention to. The less overt rejections, the conditional acknowledgements, the subtle erasure of our identities in favor of conformity and feigned ignorance.

I'd like to hear those more. This one was mine.

[erogurox]

You're a bit hypocritical with the let people have their opinions thing. They dissagtand make calm responses so your opinions, and you act hostile back. I've been as polite as I can but you genuinely made my mood die when I saw a reblog from you.

So, here's a few points I do not agree with to try and get you to understand and maybe (futility, likely) help you get past your illiteracy.

The "he's just like me fr fr has trauma"

By relating to myself, I'm trying to understand a characters mindset. I relate to sunny many ways and am trying to get you to understand the irrational mindset of a child. Him having trauma never excused him, it simply just made him frantic actions more understandable. Relating to myself again, as any other analyst would, when I experienced a traumatic experience with losing someone, I also tried covering it up. It's not the same as Sunny's, obviously, I didn't commit manslaughter. But loss is experienced differently. Omori is about the different ways to cope with loss, most, if not all being unhealthy. Every character has their flaws, so you can't hate one character without hating the other. All have their flaws, and Sunny's is that he runs away. Aubrey's is that she retaliates with violence, basils is that he doesn't accept it happen, kel's in that he accepts it too early as the therapist friend, and believes everyone else is overreacting, Mari's a perfectionist and is hard on sunny, and hero goes into a depressive state for months. But the thing is, omori is also about healing. They all heal. Kel learns he needs to help his friends accept it, Aubrey learns to control her emotions and accept others differences, basil, in the good ending, has the weight off his back and is able to accept what really happen, sunny overcomes his fears and faces everything, he finally makes past his cowardess for his friends and his own well good, and while mari never had the time to heal, I'm sure she was the first to forgive sunny, knowing her character.

2. 12-year-old would not feel "at peace" upon seeing his relative's dead body

He feels at peace that he doesn't need to worry about the repercussions anymore, as he didn't see the possibility of needing to say anything about it in the future. Again, he's naive and doesn't see future possibilities.

3. he's stupid, he doesn't know what a fucking lemon is, Now that is a new one. Stupidity doesn't grant you an examption from criticism.

I was referring, literally, to him calling lemons oragnes. He is naive to the reality of situations, and often believes what he dreams about. He hasn't been in school or anything, he doesn't know how to react socially.

4. it was a complete accident, It wasn't.

Mari grabbed his arm supposedly to keep him from running away to his room. He pushes her back to get away, and mari's bad knee ("omori, slow down! I can't go that fast with my *bad knee.*) gives in, causing her to trip. He didn't mean for her to fall.

If I said every other little thing I disagreed with, I'd be writing as fast as Alexander Hamilton writing the other 50-something letters out of 70.

Alrighty, so since the user I reblogged earlier apparently doesn't want to engage in any conversation with the people they're lambasting, I'm making my reblog a separate post. I'm nothing if not willing to talk :)

learning to forgive yourself even after seeing the full weight of the consequences of your actions, and realizing that you can still be loved and relearn how to love despite everything

1) "forgive yourself" I am not Sunny, and Sunny is not me.

2) Why should I be inclined to forgive an unlikeable asshole who killed his own sister because he's too self-centered to consider her feelings, lied about it to his friends, did next to nothing to show he cares about them during the game's events (the only time he tries doing anything for anyone is when he stops Basil's suicide attempt, and even then he contemplated ditching him again as a legitimate option) and then left them after revealing he lied to them for the last 4 years while bitching about how hard it is for him to live with the guilt?

Why should I root for him? I'd love to hear a reason other than "He has trauma!" or "He's the protagonist!" or "His love for his friends is shown via the dream world he has in his head!" or an ad hominem attack.

overcoming grief and realizing the world still moves on, with or without you, whether or not you think it's fair or if you blame yourself

OMORI isn't a game about overcoming the grief of a loss. It is a game about a character who's grapping with the well-earned guilt for taking another person's life and then lying about it. Those are quite different things.

Such an argument would've been applicable had Mari actually turned out to have killed herself.

You still have responsibility over your actions, and everything you do still matters,

Which is why the gang's reactions to what Sunny's done didn't matter enough for the game to show them, I suppose.

You still can change people's lives for the better or worse even if you think you aren't worth a second thought.

Sunny changed his friends' lives for the worse. And then he left.

I really enjoy this game can you tell.

Good for you! Doesn't mean others can't point out the main character is a nasty piece of shit and the writing has more holes in it than Swiss cheese, though.

I do think some people need to retake basic literature classes or touch grass perhaps

How classy. Is it because "some people" are not reading the game the way you want them to? :)

Look. You're well within your right to shove your fingers into your ears and go "lalalala I'm not listening!" when someone tries to explain their point of view to you and you don't like it. But you can't criticize people for different opinions when you refuse to listen to any explanations.

[nicollekidman]

abby, sorry to get extremely real on a friday night but like how do you deal with feelings of environmental existentialism (for lack of a better term) that you may have. It feels like it's hit especially hard this week and I'm sure Tuesday is a factor in that but I do not enjoy the feeling, at 28, of time accelerating into an uncertain but generally unpleasant singularity, actually

i love this question because this is one of the biggest fears of my life because of my debilitating fear of death and yknow my general love for being alive and the people on this planet. the short term direct answer is that i often don't deal at all. i often feel sharp pain and edge into true panic until i distract myself, and looking at my weather app often makes me choke.

but the larger answer is that it's actually our responsibility not to (over)indulge in climate grief. we are not speeding headfirst, heedless and uncontrolled into a singularity. the trends are not good, the damage is making itself known, but things are never hopeless. there are thousands and thousands of human beings who have dedicated their lives to studying, remedying, and speaking out about the damage done to our climate. and there are solutions. there are breakthroughs every single day! succumbing to depressive existentialism is not only not helpful, but does actually ignore a lot of the progress that is being made! things are dire and have been dire but they are NOT hopeless.

i find that these feelings hit hardest when i have been the most isolated, and that they piggyback on feelings of despondency about other things i see going Wrong in the world (and there is a lot!). but everything is connected. finding ways to spend time with others, spend time outdoors, use your voice/money for Action (whether protesting, volunteering, working, even just having conversations with others), all these things ease the emotional burden. recognizing that everything feels #unprecedented because we are more connected to global information than any other time in history while simultaneously becoming increasingly isolated and individualized helps ground the feelings in context in a way i find helpful.

climate grief is inexorable from grief over genocide, capitalism, racism, misogyny.... everything is connected. and just as we have the privilege and responsibility of never giving into the urge to hide away from any of the other things, taking action and feeling connected to community around you makes fighting these things feel possible.

being alive is SUCH a gift and whatever the future holds is never a guarantee, even if the climate was exactly the same as it was when you were born. we are only given so much time, and the best way to experience literally anything other than terror and rage (i have found) is just to move outside my own self a little. to take a deep breath and sink my toes into the earth and try to remember there are so so so many people making both incremental and massive change every day, and that giving up on someone you love before they die is never the right choice. we can always do something, and/or amplify those who are.

and sometimes? it's a simple as calling it quits on the scrolling and just creating something, even just. cooking. or watering a houseplant. or closing your eyes and singing as loud as you can while crying. you know?

(if i remember tomorrow i will link some pieces about dealing with climate grief/hope, because it actually does help that everyone who works in the field is absolutely uniform in saying outlandish extenstial dread is not a useful space to live in)

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[solace-seekers]

screaming into the void <3

[demon-country]

Dammit, it's too early to be this close to tears. You're so right though, Moxxie more than anyone would Get It. And moreover, he'd get it from the perspective of having been the kid who was being protected. So many people criticize Stolas for not telling Octavia about his abuse in a bid to protect her (or just flat out call him a bad father for it, which is categorically untrue), and there is some merit to that now that she's inches away from legally being an adult, but Moxxie would never blame him for that, because he saw just how much pain his mom went through just to give him the love he deserved. He knows intimately the danger that comes from denying abusers what they want and trying to walk away, and he knows that not everyone can be as brave as Blitz often is in the face of someone who scares him. 

(Side note, but the fact that Moxxie, Stolas, and Fizz were all able to find the courage to stand up to their abusers once they met Blitz as adults is so important to me. Blitz's defiance and willingness to fight back against the people who try to scare and control him, starting even back when he was a little kid, is inspiring to the people around him. Millie, too, was emboldened and ready to follow in Blitz's footsteps when he encouraged her to push back against the cage society was trying to keep them in, like he was.)

This latest episode has sparked some discussion over how much Stolas might remind Blitz of his mom (which is precious and heartbreaking omg), but I think Stolas would remind Moxxie a lot his own mom if he ever knew how, despite everything Stella threw at him (both literally and figuratively), Stolas stayed kind and gentle and treated Octavia with all the care and love in the world. He fought to give her the childhood she deserved and to let her be herself without being forced to conform like Stella would have made her, just like we saw Moxxie's did. 

And also, Moxxie knows how hard it is to admit to being abused, even to someone he loves and who he knows could take hearing it. How much harder must it be for Stolas to admit to Octavia that he was abused (and nearly murdered) by her mother than it was for Moxxie to admit to Millie that he was abused by his crime boss dad, when Octavia is still so young and he's barely even begun to heal. So yeah, Moxxie would get it, and he'd be the empathetic support Stolas needs as he learns how to really live now that he's no longer being abused and isolated. I bet Millie's would be a big help here too, since she also helped Moxxie through something similar.

I'm so ready for this friendship to be a thing, you have no idea. It'd be so good for both of them and I desperately need for it to happen.

The more I think about it, the more I want Moxxie to be the one to comfort Stolas when they find out how bad things were with Stella.

We love Blitz’s ability to just speak whatever’s on his mind. But this situation is so delicate, and I can see him unintentionally driving the knife further in by just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. Stolas is aware that Stella is a cruel, unloving person and he did nothing to deserve her abuse. But he may still blame himself for other things: for not leaving sooner. For not refusing the marriage in the first place. For not fighting harder for full custody of Octavia. For not taking her threats of assassination seriously. For…

But you know who it would click with immediately?

Moxxie.

Moxxie, whose mother was murdered just to keep him in line. Moxxie, who has a powerful father that only sees him as a token to trade away. Moxxie, who was saved from his own arranged marriage by Blitz. Moxxie, who had nothing but the cold and the dark for most of his life.

Moxxie will know the stakes. Moxxie will know Stolas did his best in an impossible situation and is crumbling under the weight of expectations. Moxxie will know that Stolas had no good options, so he picked what he thought was the least bad one. Moxxie will see Stolas for what he is: a broken, burnt out man that is in no condition to fight for his life, anymore. He’s been fighting for his life with no one in his corner for nearly forty years, and it’s killing him.

(I have to imagine that, despite him loving Octavia, he does have to feel some kind of way knowing that he has a replacement ready and available in case he steps too far out of line. Maybe that’s why his comforting words to her were always ‘You’ll be okay when I’m gone.’ Because he knows there’s no reason to keep him around once she turns 18 and he’s tired of trying to find reasons to not just give up).

Moxxie would never criticize Stolas for not leaving earlier. Or for thinking that he could shield Octavia from Stella’s cruelty if he took all the ire. Or for getting so used to the death threats that he stopped listening.

And I think more than anything, Stolas needs someone in addition to Blitz whose approval he is not dependent on to tell him he did the best he could, and he can’t feel guilty about that.

[bunnihearted]

ཻ۪۪♡.

[dayurno]

[lilworms]

so

[starlooove]

I alluded to this in tags awhile ago but like. IK continuity doesn’t work this way and when things shifted from kooky and silly 40s stuff with psas scattered to like dark brooding whatever we’re supposed to take it as like either time passing with some hand waving to personalities or ‘it was always like this for them trust’ but thinking about dick specifically going from holy galloping grasshoppers Batman to dealing with Bruce in spyral and shit is so so so sad I can’t articulate it well rn but like everyone kinda agrees the shift happened after two face and jason but like no dick saw it all he saw it while it happened he saw Bruce taking tim to baseball games and then gaslighting him at 16 he saw the man who’d take care of a random baby on the fly threaten to send his youngest son back to the league he saw the man who helped usher in a new era of young heroes treat Steph like shit he saw the man who inspired hope for a future in civilians heroes and enemies alike take advantage of cass’ suicidal thoughts and separation from her own humanity he saw everything and he just has to. Deal. To everyone else this is just Bruce and ppl like Tim and cass justify it to an extent bc they love him and get exasperated and when Dick is angry but how couldn’t Dick be angry? That’s his dad and he’s being so fucking mean and idk I’m rambling

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw