#but also literally when it gets too bad i know i just need to call someone i love take a walk and drink water

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 9 part 2

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2])

I'm glad nicky came up with a cool new tune because according to period movies and shows greensleeves is the only song anyone ever knew

look at that meek little smile, ughhhh. nicky is like two days old and this asshole has already figured out he's the perfect prop for her murder sprees. and these poor women are calling her sister and are willing to help too.

the spell is te accipimus in circulum, we accept you in the circle, and yes that makes me cry a little. we accept you in our community. and the spell is yellow air magic, which sounds like the most empathic kind if Lilia is any indication.

that's interesting, you can't really tell that well from screencaps but go rewatch the scene, this witch is making mushrooms grow with yellow magic instead of green?? is it just a spell (she is holding a book) or have I been getting it all wrong and color has nothing to do with the type of magic one has?

or maybe??? the color depends on the coven you're in?? the salemites all had blue magic for example. and now that I think about it the stone circle is a protection spell but it's not red/orange.

the meaning of this scene is so glaring dear lord. agatha was never going to give these women a chance to prove that yes, there are people out there who could love and help and accept her. she has shut herself up to that possibility a long time ago.

and she stole the soup too. awful.

I've seen all the different theories about nicky needing to feed on witches too, or nicky needing soul sacrifices to survive because he's the son of death etc. we don't have enough evidence to prove anything yet, but personally I headcanon nicky as a totally normal kid, that makes this story even more tragic.

and aww that baby suckling on the little pudgy fist

nicky doesn't look that happy about what he's been asked to do, does he?

we establish that nicky was sickly (maybe he was born with some internal defect that rio temporarily patched up?) we also see him steal the bell agatha will use for her Road scam in the future.

and we meet yet another witch being kind and wanting to help.

agatha: I love this six year old so much I'm gonna make him accessory to murder

dO yOU ShaME YouR MOtHER

and the big fake gasp too. as usual this bitch has conned a whole community

like, she's convinced herself that other witches are bad and are after her WHILE relying on witches's good hearts to con and kill them. what sort of mental gymnastics???

color goes from yellow to purple. nicky waits outside while his mom commits murder, it's not a good look on agatha. completely fucked up, actually.

(I'm terrified that the goat will end up being an agent of mephisto or something idiotic like that, lemme tell you. I hope they're just keeping it for milk and company.)

and here's the million dollar question. nicky has seen his mom kill literally since he was born, and now he's old enough to start realizing what that means.

oooh I know that look, that's agatha when she's put on the spot. she avoids his gaze, she can't be sincere with him.

and of course she's teaching herself spells from a book. nerrrrrrd

nicky, bless his soul, appears to give it a good thought and then offers a practical suggestion. I guess he wouldn't mind to have a roof on his head and some friends too.

GREAT acting from kathryn here. the quick OH SHIT face followed by the super final NO, with her jaw so rigid. in typical agatha fashion, when she's upset she becomes avoidant.

this is evanora's legacy. despite agatha's immense love for nicky, she is passing all that pain down and inflicting it on him.

remember when she called billy a survivor? this is the greatest asset in her opinion, the one she wants to teach her son. the truth is, she is angry at witches because she is scared of them, she's scared of being targeted again. but look at that kid's dark circles, I can't believe she's making him sleep in the woods, sick as he is!

really really fantastic subtlety. agatha wants to sound wise and strong, but she looks scared, uncertain, guilty.

see how nicky looks at agatha while he sings? he's checking to see if she's noticing, because his mom likes music and likes his voice. he's afraid he has upset her and wants to make her smile. he tried to reason with her, and now he tries to soothe her. this is what happens when you have an immature parent, a child will want to help, they will try to fix things. they'll end up parenting their parent, and it should always be the other way round.

agatha takes the bait. she's relieved that the conversation has moved to a safer subject. but oh, this script is so good. this is a mostly innocent, mostly sweet remark, but with a possessive undertone. don't forget that you are mine, she says.

and still, the love is real. even in a fucked up situation like this, these moment of happiness are precious and genuine and will linger on. look at how adoringly nicky looks at his mom, she's literally the sun and center of his small world, and that's how agatha likes it: she created nicky because she needed someone who could be hers without any baggage or consequences. but it turns out that raising a child is not a cheat code for love, it's one of the most difficult, most significant and impactful decisions a human can make.

go to episode 9 part 3

[watarfallar]

They're gay your honour...

Grian: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born. Scar: Aw… that's not true. Scar: It'd be exactly the same. Scar: You're not important.

Scar: I couldn't do this without you, Grian. Grian: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

Grian to Scar: Turn that frown upside-down! a little while later Grian: What are you doing? Scar, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .

Grian: Hey Scar, can I get some icecream? Scar: Only a spoonful! Grian: Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.

Scar: Why are you looking at me through a fork? Grian: I'm pretending you're in jail. Scar: Why? Grian: It's spiritually healing.

Scar: Grian, I need some advice. Grian: You need advice from ME? Scar: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

Grian: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Grian: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Grian: I also want to softhack his circuits. Scar: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

Grian: makes Scar a cup of tea but puts salt in it Scar: sips tea Grian: Scar: finishes tea Grian: Didn't it taste bad? Scar: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all. Grian, tearing up: Oh, okay.

Grian: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Scar: Okay? Grian: … Grian: … Grian: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—

Scar: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here’s a throwback to when Grian ate an entire tube of lipstick. Grian, whining: But why would it be cherry-flavored if you can’t eat it?!

Grian: Scar, is that my mug you’re drinking out of? Scar: No, it’s mine. Grian: It… looks just like the one I have… Scar: You don’t have one like this anymore.

Scar: How does that even work? Grian, mocking them: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?! Scar: Your face doesnt make sense.

Kidnapper: I have your partner. Grian: What? I don't have a partner… Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Grian: Oh my god, you have Scar.

Scar: Wait you like me? For my personality? Grian: I know, I was surprised too.

Grian: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! Grian: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! Scar: Grian just threw a tantrum about a chair. Scar: I just won Grian Tantrum Bingo.

Scar: Grian, what if there are monsters? Grian: Don’t worry, we’re top of the food chain. Much later… Scar, lying awake at night: I am the monster.

Grian: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog". Scar: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?

Scar: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails. Grian: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

Grian: Tommorrow's garbage day. Scar: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

Grian: on the phone with Scar I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit. Scar: You’re pulling Oreos apart and saving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you. Grian: Maybe.

Grian: You’re so funny! Scar: Thanks; I’m desperate for people to like me.

[schrodingersauthorii]

My WIP is currently called 'Shiki Matoba' or 'Came Back Wrong AU,' but I should really call it 'the situation specifically designed in a in a lab to give every single character an ongoing ethics crisis.'

Oh, Hiragi becoming Natori's shiki makes you uncomfortable, Natsume? You hate it when yokai eat each other? Even if it's natural?

Well tough: in this AU, Natori fucked up and turned Matoba into an ayakashi, and he's Natori's shiki now. And he has to eat either human blood or other ayakashi to live. His old clan is also constantly trying to kidnap him, but he swears he's not upset with them OR Natori.

Natori - you had qualms about working with the Matoba clan? Too bad: Matoba nearly died because of YOUR attempted murder, and you're the only one who can maintain your flubbed healing spell to keep him alive. As an ayakashi, now bound to a family no sane yokai will make a contract with.

Speaking of the Matoba family: how are things with the new shiki? The one with internalized ayakashi-ism and undying loyalty?

For bonus points: the eye stealing yokai will accept an eye from the Matoba clan head's personal shiki as payment. So Matoba can have some guilt over choosing the clan and his father's wishes over his father's health and life. As a treat.

And potentially every clan head after can have the temptation of a way to save their own skin at the cost of the clan's power.

Aaaand now Matoba's father's dead, and Matoba's refusing to become the new clan head's (not Shinoubu) shiki for *totally irrational ayakashi reasons* he swears. He just had an oopsie 'accidentally psychically manipulate your only healer/ confessed hopeless crush/ rival clans member into making a contract with you in a blind panic' moment for no reason.

The entire Matoba clan gets a moral quagmire there: the new clan head is a little sus, but ayakashi ARE irrational and their special little ayakashi was really upset about Shinobou being passed over for clan head. Is it really okay to leave him unsupervised with his only healer/ confessed hopeless crush/ rival clans member?

But also, they need Natori to keep him alive. So they can't take the nuclear option, or even cut him off and risk any of their enemies killing him either. Surely gently kidnapping Matoba and "helping him come to his senses" is the best option here- they can burn the clan head bridge if they need to after he's home. (Opinions on the necessity, practicality, and greater good of the last part vary. Civil war is a distinct possibility.)

Meanwhile: Matoba wrestles with the guilt of forcing Natori to give him his blood to eat when there's a secret third option he's just being an *irrational ayakashi* about.

Hiragi, Urihime, and Sasago have background ick about the inappropriate master/ shiki behavior (Urihime and Sasago more than Hiragi, though even she finds the literal just sleeping together weird.)

Takuma has STRONG FEELINGS about letting the little shit turned ayakashi who *psychically manipulated his mentee into a giant clusterfuck* into his house. But he also doesn't have any better ideas, and isn't about to cut off his formal apprentice (mandated after the healing spell fiasco.)

Yorishima has NO INTEREST and NO RESPONSIBILITY in helping resolve any of this mess, thank you very much. Even if he has some unique insight into complicated human-ayakashi healing.

I'm softballing Tanuma- he gets to have his cute lil teenage friend worries about being curious when Natsume's very firmly steering him away from ever knowing WTF's going on with Natori and his really friendly shiki.

Nishimura, like. Feels really conflicted about his *dead certainty* that his favorite idol and the idol's chronically ill friend are a couple. They say they're just friends- is it an invasion of their privacy to insist otherwise? Is he minimizing the depths of male friendship by insisting there must be more?

(The universe is testing Kitamoto's patience, not his morality, with Nishimura's fandom nonsense.)

I go by manga timeline, so Sasada is Sir Not Appearing In This Book, the canon divergence blissfully parting around her.

Taki's deal is still percolating- I have to do *something* with her two degrees of separation from the Matoba clan, but I don't know what.

I don't think Nyanko-sensei's getting any extra *ethical* issues- he doesn't care that much about ethics in the first place. Just external pressure to become Natsume's formal shiki since the exorcist community isn't as blasé about powerful, self-taught kids after The Fuck Up.

I'm fighting the "why do the Fujiwara's let their 15 yo relative stay overnight with a 23 yo idol?" angle kicking and screaming, but its gravitational pull is starting to look inescapable. Matoba became undead an ayakashi at 18, if he's strong enough to have a human form (which. ofc he is) there are going to be QUESTIONS about why he's living with an idol who looks five years older than him.

(Yes, Matoba has a driver's license stating he is 22- no it doesn't help with the scrutiny. There is just some inevitable speculation and conclusions about the chronically ill NEET who never uses his last name due to "family issues" who lives with the idol who got PTSD from saving his life.)

I actually do have an ending in mind, though I'm going to let canon developments lead the way.

OC Matoba clan head eventually dies "naturally," as Matoba clan heads do, and Shinoubu takes over.

This leads to a shakeup regarding prejudice against "weak" exorcists. (You don't need spiritual powers to politic, or very much to dodge a giant blob and open an umbrella. She IS a little evil (pending contradiction by further developments in canon), but hardly the worst.) Someone points out the "eye of the Matoba clan head's shiki" loophole due to this lack of trust, and the Matoba clan approves the "loan" of a shiki to the now closely-associated Natori clan.

Yorishima's expertise does bear fruit, so Matoba is expected to eventually fully recover. (But remain an ayakashi.) In Matoba's POV, this is the happy ending- he gets to live with Natori for the rest of Natori's life, and he has a formal way to escape future conflict with the grab-bag of Matoba clan heads.

But he's getting stronger- able to maintain his human form for longer, and make more changes to it.

So Shuuichi suggests leaving the industry- taking his still active identity, and living as a human. To not be anyone's shiki.

(Natori CANNOT have a romantic relationship with a subordinate. Nope, nope, nope. Absolutely not. Especially after their specific experiences. But just being an ayakashi isn't a deal breaker.

However, his world view values freedom and independence, so he'd suggest the idea anyways.)

(Matoba might not be able to return to the clan after a disavowal of that magnitude. The clan will definitely never trust him again.)

There'd be an epilogue from Natsume's POV revealing Matoba's decision, directly echoing whatever the canon ending of Natsume's Book of Friends does.

[forgechildofheph]

Can we also add the fact that Percy was actually abused too? Literally there it is in book fucking one but people seem to forget that a loooooot or use it as justification for why it's not abuse because Percy doesn't see it that way

Dude. Just because Percy doesn't see it that way or doesn't phrase it as bad, it doesn't mean that it's not abuse or, at the very least, problematic. He could be desensitized for one, got used to it or worse yet, he doesn't see it as bad because a GIRL is doing it to a BOY.

Which btw, if we go down that route, is quite misogynistic in nature because it silently depicts men as these STRONK creatures that can handle anything a weak tiny girl does to them.

Sure, we can justify this as them being demigods. "Their lives aren't normal, they fight all the time." They fight MONSTERS all the time, everything else is training! The camp literally has rules for no maiming or fighting outside of sparring (iirc)? Was the judo flip done in an appropriate setting? Was the punch in the gut during a sparring session? We all know the answer to those questions.

Just because you can see yourself in Annabeth's shoes and that you empathize with her, it doesn't mean that you cannot see and acknowledge her flaws either. If you relate with Annabeth, that's fine, good for you to be able to have a character you can relate to. Any hate or criticism she gets is not directed towards you specifically, it is directed towards how she is written and portrayed and in turn skewing the perception of an actual healthy relationship since Percabeth keeps getting called as the ✨️golden standard✨️ in fictional couples.

Both of these kids have suffered, so why is it that one can perpetuate the cycle and have the excuse of "Oh, she was abused, it's understandable why she would do it".

No. You might not be able to control how people treat you or what might happen to you, but you can certainly control how you act/react. You can't always blame everything that happened to you in the past to justify everything that you have done wrong.

You can say she was just a kid, but she doesn't always remain a kid. She's 17 by the end of BoO but her character has barely changed at all—showcasing her hubris (that she never really resolves because of Rick's favoritism and plot armor), lack of maturity and just general self-centered outlook in life again and again.

Yes, Annabeth can be kind at times, but when it mattered the most in their relationship, she focused on herself, on what she felt, instead of the person she supposedly loved, who had been kidnapped and memory wiped. Heck, this could even be seen as love-bombing!

This is something I really want to talk about in the near future, and I hope to get to writing that paper/explanation as to why I dislike this pairing so much.

And before you say anything, I don't ship Perachel, Perpollo, Pernico, Permes, etc. so please don't see this as someone who just hates on your canon pairing because I have another that I prefer, I really don't. The only thing I ship is Percy x Therapy and Annabeth x Therapy because these two desperately need it.

Annabeth apologising to Percy for setting him up against the Ares cabin, anyone?

I was rereading the Lightning Thief, and I wanted to share something that's been on my mind for the past few weeks-

So in Percy's first game of Capture The Flag, Annabeth sets him up against 5 trained Ares warriors, one of which has a literal electric spear.

And Percy does get injured and even maimed. Clarisse's electric spear is painful to him. It numbs and stings him.

And then Luke gets the flag, they win, and Percy's mad at Annabeth, who shrugs and says, 'Hey, it was just for strategic distraction, you were handling it sO wEll!

(Rick and Annabeth really piss me off sometimes)

To digress, I like this scene because Percy is actually mad at Annabeth. I want more Percy mad at Annabeth.

And then with the ensuing chaos of there being a hellhound and Percy being claimed, both he and Annabeth forget about this.......seemingly forever.

And it's just frustrating, because I really want Annabeth to apologize for this. I want her to grovel about this, even. I want her to be really sorry and keep apologizing, because Percy was in literal danger. Clarisse and her cabin mates would have maimed Percy and possibly even killed him. In their POV, he was drowning in the creek and they were laughing.

And it doesn't MATTER if Percy and Annabeth weren't friends and lovers then. They were friends and lovers later, so Annabeth can apologise and grovel later.

Rick should have written a sincere apology scene where Annabeth apologises to Percy about this. In my opinion, in TLT she should've apologized and in HOO, she should've remembered this and apologised again.

We'll never get it since Percabeth is now a toxic couple......sigh..........oh my god, I feel so horrible for Percy, even if he's a fictional character. Percy you need a break from everything magical, just go fish with your dad or something. PERCY GO HEAL YOURSELF PLEASE

[nicollekidman]

abby, sorry to get extremely real on a friday night but like how do you deal with feelings of environmental existentialism (for lack of a better term) that you may have. It feels like it's hit especially hard this week and I'm sure Tuesday is a factor in that but I do not enjoy the feeling, at 28, of time accelerating into an uncertain but generally unpleasant singularity, actually

i love this question because this is one of the biggest fears of my life because of my debilitating fear of death and yknow my general love for being alive and the people on this planet. the short term direct answer is that i often don't deal at all. i often feel sharp pain and edge into true panic until i distract myself, and looking at my weather app often makes me choke.

but the larger answer is that it's actually our responsibility not to (over)indulge in climate grief. we are not speeding headfirst, heedless and uncontrolled into a singularity. the trends are not good, the damage is making itself known, but things are never hopeless. there are thousands and thousands of human beings who have dedicated their lives to studying, remedying, and speaking out about the damage done to our climate. and there are solutions. there are breakthroughs every single day! succumbing to depressive existentialism is not only not helpful, but does actually ignore a lot of the progress that is being made! things are dire and have been dire but they are NOT hopeless.

i find that these feelings hit hardest when i have been the most isolated, and that they piggyback on feelings of despondency about other things i see going Wrong in the world (and there is a lot!). but everything is connected. finding ways to spend time with others, spend time outdoors, use your voice/money for Action (whether protesting, volunteering, working, even just having conversations with others), all these things ease the emotional burden. recognizing that everything feels #unprecedented because we are more connected to global information than any other time in history while simultaneously becoming increasingly isolated and individualized helps ground the feelings in context in a way i find helpful.

climate grief is inexorable from grief over genocide, capitalism, racism, misogyny.... everything is connected. and just as we have the privilege and responsibility of never giving into the urge to hide away from any of the other things, taking action and feeling connected to community around you makes fighting these things feel possible.

being alive is SUCH a gift and whatever the future holds is never a guarantee, even if the climate was exactly the same as it was when you were born. we are only given so much time, and the best way to experience literally anything other than terror and rage (i have found) is just to move outside my own self a little. to take a deep breath and sink my toes into the earth and try to remember there are so so so many people making both incremental and massive change every day, and that giving up on someone you love before they die is never the right choice. we can always do something, and/or amplify those who are.

and sometimes? it's a simple as calling it quits on the scrolling and just creating something, even just. cooking. or watering a houseplant. or closing your eyes and singing as loud as you can while crying. you know?

(if i remember tomorrow i will link some pieces about dealing with climate grief/hope, because it actually does help that everyone who works in the field is absolutely uniform in saying outlandish extenstial dread is not a useful space to live in)

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[lilworms]

so

[solace-seekers]

screaming into the void <3

[dayurno]

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw

[sanchoyo]

haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

[moonlit-orchid]

good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons

[tiredtriedfailures]

i shouldnt be stuggling with misfit outcast feelings at fucking 22 but here we fcuking are

[arionaleilani]

how tf did me facetiming someone i matched with on tinder turn into them giving me unsolicited advice about giving people your full attention after i already let them know that i recently got diagnosed as adhd and it’s hard for me to focus on just one thing/person and then them telling me that “based on my behavior” they think i’m autistic like ?? didn’t ask, we literally started messaging each other like a day ago, even if i am autistic (which wouldn’t be a bad thing if i am) when has it ever been socially acceptable to tell someone you JUST MET that you think they’ve got some kind of mental disorder/illness/disability/etc.

my friends have mentioned that i might be autistic and that’s fine bc i’ve spent a lot of time with them and they actually know me and i take their perspective of me very seriously because they’re the people who see me 100% unfiltered and have known me whenever i’ve been completely unmedicated. i trust their word.

this person from tinder, however, i have sent like maybe 20-30 messages to where we talked about nanowrimo and i was like omg it’d be so cool to meet someone who also writes, whether it’s as friends or as more, i would love that—only for our facetime call to be less than 20 minutes long and for them to try and diagnose me as autistic just because i, after ALREADY TELLING THEM that i have adhd and after them asking about meds and me telling them that i haven’t taken my adhd meds today because i didn’t have work and also i’ve taken multiple naps today which has made my head even more foggy and made it even harder than usual to focus, found it difficult to focus.

like. i wasn’t unresponsive. i wasn’t ignoring them. i was listening and i was responding, i just also was looking between my phone and my laptop screen.

which okay i understand that maybe i’m just frustrated because of the “based on your behavior” comment because an 18 minute facetime call does not give someone enough interaction time to try and fucking diagnose me as anything, and maybe this is more of a we just didn’t vibe and that’s fine, i don’t think they’re like a bad person or anything and if nothing else i’m glad the mismatched vibes were felt before deciding to meet up or anything, but also.

eighteen minutes. literally eighteen minutes and they fucking “based on your behavior i think you’re autistic” and “here’s some advice, when meeting new people you should give them your full attention”

FUCK that.

[2nfernal3ternal]

.

[guinevereslancelot]

not my new co teacher being a literal high school meangirl tiktoker 😬