#but also just like...this is my space. I want to be able to vent about her here if I need to
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My sister is talking about maybe starting to use tumblr again if/when the tiktok ban happens next week, and like...I realllllly don't want her to. I was really enjoying having an online space that was mostly just mine
#i soft blocked her a while back so she's not technically following me anymore#but if she starts actively using tumblr again on the reg it's only a matter of time before she notices and re-follows#there were lots of reasons I stopped using tiktok but one of them was that she would send me LITERALLY 50-100 videos every SINGLE day#I'm not exaggerating for effect it was literally always at least 50 and sometimes it'd be 99+ (aka when the notifications stop counting)#I would be on tiktok for 2 or 3 hours every day and spend almost all of that time JUST getting through all the videos she sent me#but also just like...this is my space. I want to be able to vent about her here if I need to#I also just like...am more open with y'all/post more personal stuff here than I would if there was a chance of her seeing it#especially stuff about gender/sexuality like. as far as my family knows im 100% cishet & allo#ughhhh#beth posts
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a basic human right to privacy and solitude is just as important as being in community and being able to socialize
#I know that american individualism is a plague but My God I literally am so fucking deeply completely utterly goddamn burnt out#From being constantly unendingly forced into close proximity to other human beings every single goddamn moment of every single goddamn day#And holy fuck. God. Please. I fucking beg. Oh my fucking god like I'm legitimately so so desperate for any amount of peace and quiet.#God I beg. On my actual hands and knees. I want away from all these animals that aren't mine. I want away from all these people and noise.#Fuck me I want to be able to afford to live alone. God damn me. I don't need to live lavishly or even eat every day I do not care at all.#I want space. I need it. Prolonged lack of access to actual privacy and space is actively eroding me I can feel it more and more every day#Okay. Vent over. Time to deep clean my room with headphones for as long as my disabled already aching body can tolerate#Also um lmao I fuckin' hate the stupid rhetoric about how humans neeeeed to be social. America neeeeds to be forced out of individualism#Like yeah. But all goddamn offense I'm forced 24/7 to share space with humans and I can stand it but god fucking damn it cannot be constant#And it has been so rare in my experience that anybody I know is actually privileged enough to move away from home or be away from people#Like I'm fucking tired. I'm wore out. I'm over it all. I'm so autistic. I love people. Genuinely. That's the point of life.#But fuck I need time away. I just do. This isn't good and I can't stand it.
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hey I don’t like being a smart gifted kid anymore. can I please be normal I’d much prefer that
#vents#I felt a lot more strongly about this like an hour ago but I sat around and watched hockey and played sudoku with my dad for a bit now I’m#Better 👍 still need to write this down though#anyways. I do not want to go to special classes. it’s not like I’m not being challenged by my regular ones?? Like they see my grades#it’s not like I’m acing every test.#This would also mean choosing classes to go towards university. that means choosing what I want to do when I’m older now#Which I don’t want to do#I want to be normal like my friends please#I want to be able to live my teenage years and not have to worry about all this#cause this would mean meticulously planning everything around a future career#and if I end up not liking it I would definitely feel too guilty about wasting years of my life and my parents money that got me there#I would go through with that career I hate because 1. I would not let myself change 2. My parents would not let me change#I just wish I could live my life as a fucking kid please#I don’t want to go my whole life never having a sleepover cause I went straight from being super sheltered to too academically focused#Shit I’m crying now#I’m also super indecisive and I DONT KNOW what I want to do. Law seems cool but that’s mostly because of my ace attorney obsession#I would also never personally want to be a real life lawyer. Too much pressure and also paperwork#Why can’t I just be a teenage weirdgirl assistant best friend forever. I’d love that as a career#anyways to brainstorm stuff. Something science could be one but really the only field that fascinates me is space and idk what I’d do there#I’m never being a doctor I don’t care how hard my parents push I’m not doing it ever#anyways I do genuinely think my parents think this is what’s best for me. And they could be right#But right now I hate it I hate it so much#I’ve never even implied I WANT to do this. At least my friend is doing this of her own accord. for me this is all my parents#Augh I wish I could be a normal teenager!! Please!!#I literally went to watch a movie alone with my friend for the first time last week and that’s only cause we didnt tell my mom we were alon#(She wasn’t really mad which I’m super thankful for)#Augh#I guess I am no longer ok#Time to push this to the depths of my mind and not think about it ever again (impossible I will think about it like every day because the#The thought is unavoidable)
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i kind of just don’t want to do anything i feel like ive done too much i need a break i really want to talk to someone i have therapy tuesday thank god i just want a break im scared to sleep to take a break bc i keep having nightmares i just want to be free it feels like nothing can keep me feeling okay
#sorry 😿#things have been hard#two separate full breakdowns this week where i couldn’t function#idk why im venting on fucking tumblr i feel broken i just want something#i only have one person i can talk to about all of this i don’t want to overwhelm them#i kind of forgot my dream from last night until now but thinking about it again god i don’t want anything like that I’m scared to sleep#i had my first random intense panic attack in a while today#it feels completely different than my regular panic attacks they come out of nowhere i get this physical rush and my brain goes blank and i#start hyperventilating#normally they have a distinct cause this is out of nowhere i was having a good time texting my friends and it happened#it’s happened walking to get picked up from school and in bed with my partners it’s completely random#it physically effects me in a weird way my body feels tense but there’s also like this sense of space in my head and breathing afterwards#i feel like i might be getting sick also idk#i want to sleep man#i haven’t been able to function at all
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I need to get ready for bed but I remembered the dentist appointment that's coming up in less than 2 weeks and ended up dissociating for over 2 hours (I'm honestly not sure how long it's been) and I do not feel good in the slightest after that
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#it's not the treatment that's the issue. it's literally just that it requires sedation. I would be fine if not for that#and our brain keeps fixating on it to try and find some kind of solution or something that would help#but we can't think of anything. I don't know if there actually is any way to get around this#and it's not a fear of anything bad happening#it's that the concept of someone else being able to control whether I'm conscious and whether I remember anything#just inherently feels so incredibly violating no matter what actually happens during the appointment#logically I do not want to deal with the appointment. sedation is a great option. you don't have to experience any of the shit that happens#but the entire premise is so triggering I can't talk about it without getting shaky and hyperventilating and bursting into tears#also like... the recovery period afterwards where you're really out of it and say weird shit freaks me the fuck out#specifically the idea of being in that state around other people or just in a place that isn't at home in our room on our own#basically I can't handle a stranger giving me a drug that'll stop me remembering anything that happens for a while#and then make me really woozy and spaced out while I'm around other people#there's also another reason the concept of being made to just not experience a certain amount of time by another person is an issue for me#but I'm fully aware that it sounds deeply unhinged and stems from specific source stuff and I cannot explain that to most people#but it's a thing that there really isn't a workaround for and no matter how well we handle the rest of the issues around it#that will almost certainly fuck me up regardless. probably more than the other stuff would#but trying to talk about it would probably make me sound kind of insane because like... I probably kind of am#either that or I'll explain it to someone and they'll be like ''oh yeah no I totally get that''#but I'm more used to being treated like my issues are incomprehensible and I need to just stop being such a freak
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vent below so dont feel like you have to read this 👍i simply have no where else to put this bc i dont want to Bother My Friends
god i wish i could just kill myself but i like. cant. there's too much stopping me. but i dont want to do anything anymore. i dont want to deal with this constant misery of being trapped in a brain with a death wish hellbent on making me want to die horrifically. i wish people just hated me outright so i had a good excuse to just call it quits on life and die
#blaire.txt#vent#suicide tw#suicidal ideation tw#suicide cw#suicidal ideation cw#i like playing games but literally everything besides that just feels pointless. i want to draw but like. its miserable.#even creating stories is stressful now because nothing i can come up with is even the slightest bit original#its all just utter garbage. i want to give up. i dont want to deal with this shit#please god just hate me already. i wish everyone just wanted me to die#so i could. so i could just lay down and never get up. i hate working i hate having to take care of myself i hate doing anything#i hate living in this house i hate the way ive become! i wish i wasnt so demotivated and lazy! i miss being able to DO THINGS!#but at this point im 17 and still an absolute fucking failure who just lives to disappoint . i want to kill myself but i cant#i dont know why people even care about me. because im really a terrible friend#every time i read past conversations ive had with people i want to die because im just so unlikeable i DONT GET why people stick around#im not mad at anyone but myself here. i just wish i was better. and not a total waste of space.#i want to die! i want to die! i want to die!!!#ugh its like i feel these things but also i feel nothing. like im empty. this is all my genuine thoughts and im losing it but also i feel s#disconnected from all of this#i feel so much yet so little. lol im truly just fucked up huh#whatever#im really sorry to be a bother#i really am i just have nowhere to go#and i dont want to bother my friends ig#repetition cw#repetition#repetition tw
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I want to submit a perspective on "afab transfemininity" from. an afab multi gender person. I know my experience isn't representative of everyone who calls themselves this, but I wanted to at least share
I don't call myself a trans woman, I hesitate to call myself transfem. nonetheless, I feel connected to femininity in a distinctly transgender way. when I first came out, I hated being a girl. I was a transmedicalist and validated myself by invalidating others. I had to face a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia in order to really learn what it meant to be a man. after I started testosterone about 3 yrs ago, I realized I was a lesbian, and started feeling more comfortable being, at least in part, a woman. it was different this time because it was something I liked, something new and my own, not something ascribed to me. it's not cisgender in any way, it is transfemininity
this being said, I know my experience toward transfemininity is extremely different from the norm. I am not what most people are referring to when they refer to transfems, and there are many definitions of transfem that do not include me. despite that, I do have some experiences that overlap, things I can relate to. my femininity is at its core transgender in nature. my gender now is more complex... I feel like both a man and a woman, neither and both. but that doesn't mean my feelings about my gender are predatory or invalid. I don't want to talk over transfems, I am very aware of my place in these conversations. but I still have a place, and it frustrates me to see you share posts that minimize my experience into a stereotype
Why do you view transfemininity as being, at its core, the experience of being “both a man and a woman” lmao
Get back to me when you start viewing trans women as actual women and transfemininity as actual femininity, and not an aesthetic or a vibe or “some other third thing” apart from femininity.
You “feel femininity in a distinctly transgender way?” Congrats! You’re nonbinary! But that is NOT what being a trans woman is — Their womanhood and femininity is not essentially different from cis women’s.
What you are describing is a very generic experience of being a feminine nonbinary person, and I don't say that to insult you; but to compare that experience to those of trans women’s betrays the fact that you don't view them as the same gender as cis women. Which is transmisogyny. It’s textbook third-gendering.
Call yourself a nonbinary woman- Call yourself whatever you want, in fact. But trans women and TMA people are never going to feel safe around you so long as you continue insisting that transfemininity is essentially the same as the nonbinary femininity you experience, and essentially different from “real” cis women’s femininity.
Also, can I just say that it’s a little condescending that you would end your ask by saying “I’m aware of my place in these conversations, but…”
Like, if you were really “aware of your place” and were actually listening to transfems when we talk about transfeminism, you would be able to recognize the enormous amount of transmisogyny baked into your message. On top of the third-gendering, you also managed to:
Imply that TMA people don’t understand the complexities of gender and nonbinarity like you, a TME person, do
Imply that TMA people creating the language and spaces to discuss our experiences in a way that excludes you, a TME person, is invalidating and somehow tantamount to labeling you as “predatory” (what does that even mean?)
Sent an unprompted ask to a transfem’s blog venting your frustrations with the language of transfeminism, despite the fact that I’m not even the one who made those posts?
Showed a pretty absurd amount of entitlement by insinuating that it’s somehow my problem that you feel frustration over misunderstanding the basics of transfeminist theory
Subtly demanded that I do the emotional labor of managing your frustration, which, frankly, is just classic misogyny
Displayed a complete lack of understanding towards what transmisogyny even is, nor why we, as the direct targets of transmisogyny, need the the language and spaces to discuss it
I really don’t care what transfem “experiences” you think you relate to, the fact that you perpetuate and can benefit from transmisogyny will always separate you from us, and if you actually gave a shit about us and our struggles, you would recognize that and try to be a better ally to us rather than co-opting and redefining our language in a shallow attempt to define us out of existence.
As has been said countless times now:
“Transfeminine” does not mean “trans + feminine,” it is a term coined by TMA people to describe our specific experiences with being denied our femininity. That is something which you, as a person for whom (as you said) womanhood/femininity was ascribed by the system of patriarchy, cannot understand in the way we do.
#I don’t normally respond to asks (bc I don’t usually check my inbox) but this really pissed me off#read my pinned ffs#this blog does not exist for TME people’s benefit anymore#it exists for ME to curate posts that *I* find useful#I really do not give a shit how that makes TME people feel#literally just call yourself a fem nonbinary it’s not that hard!#I’m literally transfem and I still call myself a nonbinary femme when it’s more relevant bc guess what?#those are distinct experiences!!!
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posting a lot today but allowing myself to take up space and relax and vent soooooooo!
#it is Cathartic honestly.... also a tiny vent#but#Actually Begging my roommate to view me as an actual person with neurodivergence and not someone to project her own loneliness onto#Begging#Because she knows how fucking tired and nonexistent i am but then will send me three voice messages while i am at school all day about how#feels things are distant#even tho she is the person i see and interact with the most outside of students..... like we spend A Lot of time together#Like! Bestie!!!! I am not a human!!!! I cannot sit and watch tv every night!!!! I would like time alone!!!!!!!!!!!#fuck! or like!!! i have friends outside of her too like dont get weird when i spend time with other people!!! make friends!! idek#i am being too bitchy i just am tired and want to be able to feel like i can exist in my home.#diary#have learned i like having people in my life who understand and make space for me and my boundaries and my emotional energy#want to go home and cry but in a way that releases energy#also!!!! missing eylie a lot lately we text everyday but i miss herrrrr and em
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Do you think Overlord from transformers would be type of guy "I love kinda of woman who can beat the sh t out of me"
Ok ok soo i imagine cybertronian reader who was able to beat the sh t out of Overlord who's now in love with cybertronian reader.
What would her team aka the lost light would react to this 😂😂
This had me cackling. Also I apologize I know you said fem but I don't know how to make the gender important to the story (I'm gender blind I'm so sorry.)
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- you beating Overlord's aft was a miracle and a half. You utilized his pride and slowness against him, though struggling more than you'd like to admit, you managed to out pace him and put the large bot in his place.
- "I don't know what I did! I beat his aft and now he won't leave me alone! I even tell him off and that just seems to get him more interested!" Is what you cry to Rodimus about.
- "I'm gonna be real with you, I don't know how to help you with that. I mean, at least he's not going off the rails and starting fights?" It's all he's got. You know he's right, but it doesn't help you one bit, so yog end up groaning and slumping over in your seat. Roddy tries to pat your back and show you some cool earth thing he has, before Overlord finds you, and coos about how worried he was when you weren't in your habsuite, and glares at Rodimus.
- Overlord still tries to fight everyone, and by Primus Megatron gets it the worst, but he's happy all that's needed is for you to angrily yell Overlord's name and call him back like a dog. Megatron always breathes a sigh of relief when your enraged voice echoes through the room, calling for Overlord to "bring you aft over here right now, I swear to primus if I have to put down my report!-" and watch as the equally large bot instantly drops his fighting stance, rushing over to you, looking far too happy and pleased to be called by you (even if you aren't'.)
- You're tired, you just want to do you job and go about your day, not wake up from a statis to the large blue mech over you, holding a thing of energon for you and asking to spar.
- Ratchet and First Aid hear and see it the most, and believe Ratchet gives you high an audio processor full. You send Overlord to the med bay frequently, and he can't even scold the bot into being more careful cause he's not even listening! He has to deal with Overlord staring at you and not even hearing him.
- First Aid tries to help in that regard, explaining to you that this is getting out of servo, but Overlord nearly throws a medical berth at him for it, only stopping when you glare at him.
- "I fight him, he likes it, I ignore him, he likes that too! Nothing I do sends the massage home for him."
- Ultra Magnus wants to help, trust him he does! This is classified as harassment and he swore to always help his crew members....but....you are literally the only thing keeping Overlord docile, and First Aid and Rodimus have already reported that Overlord does try to swing at them for interfering.
It's safer for everyone to not, after all you seem to handle yourself just fine! You're a strong bot that can handle one of the strongest gladiators in history! He lets you vent as much as you need, but eventually has to tell you he can help once Overlord oversteps.
- Lucky you, you don't have to worry about that. Overlord is obsessed with beating you in battle, but also he loves fighting you, you carry yourself with such strength and confidence once against him, he's smitten. With your speed, to him, it makes your battles feel like a dance! Your movements and skill have him smitten, as does your attitude, your fire and sass have him weak in the knees.
- Prowl is somehow your only ride or die here, he's more worried about what Overlord could do but doesn't think before shouting at him to give you space or to frag off, the temperamental officer goes into protective mode when it comes to you.
- Overlord does not like Prowl because of this, but you cling to your friend in thanks.
- "It's every damn cycle, don't you have a hobby!? Frag I don'tknow, watch a movie, pick up blacksmithing, SOMETHING!" Prowl barely has time to dodge a swift punch, but he manages, and next thing you know there does the fourth table of the week, followed by more shouting, and you having to yell for Overlord to knock it off.
- Rung is definitely getting good use as a therapist, he's trying his best to give you coping skills to help ease your frustrations with your situation, and while they work, you just come back to tell him you came back to your habsuite to Overlord on your berth, and pulling you into his lap.
- "It's rude he didn't ask before doing so."
- "AND THEN HE ASKED TO SPARK BOND, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?"
- "Oh my, he asked to spark bond-"
- Even just trying to have a professional conversation with you turns into a chore, not because of you, but because of the angry look guard dog standing behind you, glaring down at anyone speaking to you.
#transformers overlord#transformers overlord x reader#transformers x reader#transformers x cybertronian reader#transformers mtmte x reader
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One Night - Paul Lahote x reader
She's backkkkk! I know this isn't what you want, however, this survived the great laptop crash of 2024 (unlike the half-finished prophecy pt2 doc). This however is cutie in my opinion and I would be open to writing a part 2 (if anyone wants it). Also, I'm almost to 200 followers which is so crazy? Thank you for all the love!
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“No, no, no, no”, you wailed as you looked at your hands. They were shaking as you clutched the plastic, the plus sign clear as day. Your body slumped down the wall of the bathroom, your body curling into itself as you hit the ground.
What are you going to do?
You were young, too young in your life to start thinking about starting a family. It's not even like you were seeing anyone. This whole situation came about after you had a bad day and just wanted to forget. To forget life and all your problems.
You let yourself have fun, with someone you only kind of knew. At the time that had seemed like the best plan. You knew of him and had met a few times through your friend Emily. It was better than prowling on some meaningless app that you would just delete the next morning. He was nice to look at, extremely cocky, kind of an asshole to everyone else, but always kind to you.
The few times you had met Paul Lahote before your night of fun he had never gone out of his way to talk to you but that was okay with you. All the other boys that hung around Emily’s house could be way too much. Just dropping her off after work would lead to you being pulled into a two-hour conversation because none of them knew when to shut up. Paul however would always hover on the porch or somewhere else in your eyeline. He never came up to join the conversation but never left his spot of isolation either.
So after a bad day at the clinic, Emily invited you back to her place for a drink and you accepted. Emily was your friend, one of the only actual friends you had made since moving to the Forks area six months prior. But you haven't spent much time together outside of work, except for riding to and from the clinic.
But this shift had been so rough on both of you that you needed to vent to each other and get something in your system to make you forget a little. Cut to hours later neither of you notice her fiance and his friends walking in the house to you and Emily losing it on the couch, clutching your sides from how hard you were laughing.
It wasn't even the alcohol necessarily, the two of you had split a bottle of wine but that wasn't enough to get you messed up to the point of uncontrollable laughter. No, it was finally being able to relax in good company, let loose and enjoy yourself.
The boys had just snickered at the two of you, Emily’s fiance ushering them back into the kitchen to give the two of you some space. However, at some point, hunger struck and the kitchen was calling your name.
Emily had declared nachos as the snack of choice and you couldn't agree more. She had charged through the sea of testosterone while you decided to timidly hug the doorframe, not knowing where to place yourself down. The kitchen was full of Sam’s friends and there wasn't a place to sit. You were thinking of slipping into the kitchen and leaning against the counter while Emily assembled plates of goodness.
That was until a particular tanned-skin boy stood up and very subtly gestured towards the chair. A sudden confidence had taken over you, and you certainly can blame that on the wine. Crossing the room in just a few paces you lower yourself onto the previously occupied seat and join the rowdy group at the table.
Looking up you gave him a silent look of thanks as he stood, leaning his back against the countertop. He reciprocated a small smirk before returning his attention to the intense game of spoons that the other boys were trying to rope you into.
After that, the night was a blur. You had played a few rounds of the card game, Emily eventually joining with heaping plates of nachos, placing herself in her fiance's lap. Paul had disappeared momentarily, reappearing with an old wooden stool, sitting directly to your left.
You tried to focus on everything happening, but it was no use. All you could think about was that simple gesture of kindness. The act of chivalry that no doubt was gonna earn him some teasing from his buddies, which is what made it and him so much more attractive.
Thoughts of the beautiful man plagued your mind the whole night and when he offered to drive you back home at the end of the night you accepted. He blamed it on the fact that he wouldn't feel right if he let you drive home after drinking, even if it was just a few glasses of wine and that had been hours ago.
Even though you felt completely sober at this point as it had been hours and you had eaten your fair share of nachos you obliged, how could you pass up the opportunity for one of the most attractive men you had laid eyes on in a long time to drive you home?
Attractive and chivalrous, two things he had going for him.
The ride home was nice, the windows rolled down, and your hair flowed in the breeze. He drove smoothly and slowly, taking the winding corners with ease. A song that occupied the radio 24/7 played, and you were in such a state of comfort that you allowed yourself to sing along softly.
It was weird, you barely knew this man, yet you felt so comfortable around him. Being in his presence was easy.
Once your headlights illuminated the front of your modest home you felt your heart sink. This was it, your night of bliss was going to end. He threw the truck in park, turning to face where you sat. He opened his mouth, to say what you have no idea because you cut him off before he got the chance to speak.
“Do you wanna come in?”.
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That night had been six weeks ago. And since then you hadn't seen or heard from him once. Not that you had reached out much. The last thing you needed was to make things awkward and complicated with a friend of a friend.
Only now things were gonna have to be awkward and complicated, it was sorta unavoidable.
Time paused as you sat there on the bathroom floor. Staring at the pinked-capped stick. Part of you wished you hadn't taken the test, even if that would have just avoided the inevitable for a few days, maybe a couple of weeks.
Your head was reeling as you attempted to comprehend the news. On one hand, you had always wanted to be a mom and had dreamed of it. However part of the dream was a perfect house, a perfect job, and a perfect husband. Someone that loved you and supported you. Having a baby daddy that you hardly knew wasn't exactly in the picture.
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At some point your body went on autopilot, you picked yourself off the ground and went through the motions of getting ready for the day. You didn't know what you were getting ready to do, you had already called out after you had woken up before the sun to empty your stomach of last night's dinner.
The brain fog seemed to slightly lift once you were closing your car door, clutching the steering wheel as your life preserver. The pregnancy test in your pocket feels as if it weighs a thousand pounds.
You felt insane.
Who were you to go to this man who you barely knew and just throw this information at him, even if he deserved to know? Because this was his burden too. This wasn't an instance of immaculate conception, it took both of you to get into this situation.
Recalling an earlier conversation with Emily where you had not so subtly asked what Paul did for work you remembered her mentioning the name of the garage.
Since today simply could not get more insane you decided to embrace the insanity and started the drive towards the reservation.
You practiced what you were gonna say over and over, but nothing sounded right.
“Hey, remember me? I'm the girl you slept with once and ghosted, well I'm pregnant”.
“Paul, remember me? Y/N, yeah so you kinda got me pregnant”.
“Hey so remember when I told you that you didn't need a condom, well I say dumb things I don't mean when I’m around pretty people”.
You were so screwed.
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The parking lot was practically empty because of course, it was. Of course, there wouldn't be enough cars for you to blend in and hide for a little bit to gather your confidence. No besides your car there were only three others, and since you knew that Paul's truck was one of them there was a decent chance that the other two were also employees. The large bay doors of the shop were opening, one of the bays occupied with an old Volvo on the lift.
Crossing the parking lot, the man of the hour caught your attention. Paul was alone in the garage. Grease and oil covered his hands and forearms as his attention was focused on the car above him. Patting your jacket pocket you made sure your proof was still there. You had only made it about halfway once he spotted you. He did a double take, a minor look of confusion showing. I mean why wouldn't he be confused, you weren't friends and here you were just randomly showing up at his place of business.
Deciding to pull whatever last shred of confidence you had buried deep down you didn't turn chicken and run back to your car. No, you carried on walking, right up to the edge of his behemoth of a toolbox, slightly leaning on it to gain some support. The nerves make your whole body feel unstable.
The wrench was abandoned, clattering inside said toolbox and he found a discarded towel that was so dirty it looked like it was only gonna make his hands worse. You couldn't help but study the way his body moved, how he looked in his work clothes, and how his muscles were contracting as he attempted to clean off the grime. Jesus Christ you need to get a hold of yourself, you thought.
What you didn't notice was he was doing the same to you, looking you up and down searching for a reason as to why you were here. It wasn't until a breeze blew through the garage, that he realized he didn't only smell the dense forest and the various scents of the garage. It carried a faint smell of vanilla and lavender. But it wasn't just that, it was mixed with pine and rosemary. He bristled at the realization, the unique combination meant one thing and one thing only. It had been weeks since he last saw you there’s no way his scent would hang out on you that long unless…
Suddenly nothing else mattered except what you had to say. He wanted to help, to try and make the situation better. So he started to speak, to try and break this ice. But just like you had done weeks prior you beat him to the punch.
“I’m pregnant”.
The visible look of relief caused him to calm down, the last thing he wanted in this situation was for you to be stressed out. And the thought of you being so scared to talk to him broke his heart a little bit if he was being honest.
“Is it mine?”.
Paul could have ended it all in that moment. Why was he like this?
He knew it was his, he had definitive proof, and he chose to play the idiot and make the woman who was carrying his child feel worse than she already did.
“What the hell are you suggesting Paul? Yes it's yours, I wouldn't be telling you if it wasn't”. You crossed your arms across your chest, suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable and exposed. The confidence meter has fully run out.
“Yeah no yeah. That um makes sense, I’m sorry. That was a real jackass thing to say. Of course you wouldn't tell me if it wasn't mine”. Paul rubbed the back of his neck as he rambled, avoiding eye contact with you. The magic inside of him was screaming at him, his instincts to protect almost taking over what little composure he held.
He hadn't planned on telling you about the bond you shared. At least not for a while.
You were still kinda new to town, and it wasn't fair to derail your life because you had decided to be a kind person and drop Emily off just a few weeks after you had moved. The bond had set in that day, as he was leaving Emily’s house and heading out to his truck. His eyes had darted up upon hearing Em’s voice and what he hadn't expected was to almost fall flat on his face.
Because for a split second, the two of you made eye contact, it was fleeting and you had returned your eyes to your friend immediately. It had meant nothing to you and everything to him.
Since that day he vowed to protect you but also to not act selfish and to allow you to make your own decisions. Which is why he couldn't help but feel horrible. He had ruined your life.
Paul thinks back to that night, running his mind over every minute, had you been drunk? He had only used that as an excuse to drive you home. But if you had been too intoxicated to make coherent decisions he would never forgive himself.
“Yeah that was a real jackass thing to say”, you sniffled proud of yourself for not bursting out into heavy sobs. Because in all honesty while it felt like a physical blow hearing him question your morals he was handling the situation better than you would have if you were in his position. It was a fair question, you had only slept together once.
The next few minutes seemed to pass slowly. After standing there basking in the awkward silence he told you to wait a second and walked into the attached office. You did as he said, too nervous to take the opportunity and leave. He returned a few moments later with much cleaner hands and a small smile graced his face. God, how you were growing to love that smile.
“Boss told me to head out for the day, don't worry I only told him that I need to take a certain pretty girl out to lunch”, he sent you a wink as he slammed the lid on the toolbox down. Your cheeks grew warm at the compliment, even with how pg it was. I mean this man got you pregnant but him calling you pretty had your chest hammering.
His hand found its way to the small of your back as he walked, ushering you out of the garage so he could lower the bay door. Once it was down he turned to face you with a smirk replacing the kind smile from earlier.
“Come on doll, looks like I gotta feed my baby mama”. He howled with laughter as the small tinge of red on your cheeks turned into your whole face going crimson. “Oh this is gonna be fun”, he said through his laughs.
His warmth on your skin brought you back to that state of peace that you remembered so fondly. You let him lead you towards his truck, thanking him as he shut your door.
As Paul jogged to the driver's side a smile fought against the smirk. This wasn't how he pictured everything going but he wasn't mad. It wasn't like he got some random girl pregnant, no he got you pregnant. And while you may believe that you were just a random girl to him that was not how he felt. But he wasn't going to tell you that, at least not right now. The last thing he wanted to do was stress you out even more than you already were.
So he was going to wait.
He could learn to be content with you being in his life as a girlfriend, or even just the mother of his child. And when the time was right he would tell you.
But for now, he could wait.
#paul lahote#paul lahote x reader#fanfic#imprint#twilight#x reader#fem reader#edward cullen#seth clearwater#sam uley#twilight fanfiction#the twilight saga#twilight saga#twihard#twilight wolfpack x reader#twilight wolfpack#twilight wolves#twilight masterlist#twilight wolf pack x reader#paul lahote x pregnant reader#jogetsobsessed
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Maybe some optimus, metroplex, or tfp ratchet pretty please🙏 I have no special reason bc you always make sure we're fed regularly I'm just addicted to them��� *looping around your legs like a cat and you're holding the treat bag*
Also I am floored over some(all tbh) of the other characters recent chapters and just how many different paths all these stories are on and how well they all flow like do you somehow have extra storage space in your brain??? Where can I get the update installed for myself😂how the hell are you sorting all these bc you may pump them out fast but thats still like a lot of things to track😅 plz tell me you have a comically large brick of sticky notes you're slowly going through bc otherwise real talk if youre just rawdogging this all by memory plz ignore the request and give your brain a rest🙏we ly but plz make sure to take breaks with lots of snacks and sleep💗
Nah, I just keep track of them in my head. I’m weird like that 😅 I’m doing better now. First day I’ve woken up without a headache in two weeks
I Can Feel You Pt 11
Metroplex x Reader
• Rasping softly, brows creasing in frustration that he can’t speak. Still. Keeps his head turned toward where you’re sitting on a table with Ratchet’s tools as the medic works to repair the drone’s damaged systems. To give him a voice again. Something pulls, hurts and there’s a burst of staticky noise. “Little one,” he says, not his voice, but his words. And you stand, little fingers fisted in the blanket Ratchet has given you. “I think everything should be back online now, but take it easy. This drone’s been inactive for centuries,” Ratchet says. But he’s not listening, focused on you as he mass shifts the drone to your size, the energy strain slamming through him in drowning pain. Crippling him and severing the connection to the drone. Hearing Ratchet’s frustrated, “What did I just say?”
• Visor dimming, the drone sags. “Metroplex?” Looking from him to Ratchet when the medic vents tiredly. “Is he gone again?” Nodding, the medic slams down a tool a bit rougher than necessary. “Can I sit with him until he comes back? Please,” you add as he frowns at you.
• “Probably not a good idea. Any involuntary movement could hurt you even at that size,” he mutters so you content yourself with sitting on the edge of the table, legs dangling. “We should at least get some answers,” he grumbles. “No matter how much damage we repair, he’s rerouting energy somewhere and staying critically low.” Hesitating as he begins cleaning his tools, he looks at you, expression critical. “Hound told me you’d said the Titan was speaking to you.”
• Face heating at the memory that speaking isn’t all you’d done, you shrug weakly. “He was lonely. I started talking to him first.” Because you’d been lonely, too. Overlooked a lot of the time by the Autobots just because you’re so small, an after thought most of the time. Easily forgotten. But Metroplex had heard you, seen you. Reached out in return. Echoing your loneliness and halving it.
• Again. Frustrated as he retreats deeper into himself, knows he needs to build energy again. Be patient. But the drone is there with you. It’s mass displaced. These are steps forward, not stumbles. He just has to remain on course. You’re waiting for him. You’ll be right there. He needs to believe it, desperate to hold you in his arms even if they’re borrowed. To recharge with your heartbeat against him, to hear your soft voice and to be able to answer. Wants to hear about your day, your dreams, everything. And he’s getting closer to that goal. Closer to you.
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Amusing myself all the way to Pier Park leaving notes
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I wanted to analyze all the bedrolls in mouthwashing. Why? Because something is bothering me so I'm reaching out for opinions. SPOILERS FOR THE GAME, btw.
Now I haven't searched through the whole game for every single instance of a bedroll, I'm just looking at the main ones we see. Any images are screenshots from a video so sorry if the quality is bad.
Swansea's
His is surrounded by bottles (can't tell if empty or not), and is outside Utility. Most likely so he can guard Utility better. Interestingly enough, this was the bed that Daisuke was placed on after the vent incident. I guess Swansea had no more reasons to guard Utility anymore, or even sleep for that matter. Plus I think it's closest to where they found Daisuke. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Anya's
Her's is next to the Polle statue. I read a theory that she put her bed there because it goes off automatically when someone goes near it. That way it alarms her and potentially wakes the others up if someone gets too close. I think that's very plausible, and makes Jimmy breaking it sad.
Another thing that caught my attention is that she's sleeping away from Jimmy. I don't know the term, but like, her head is furthest from Jimmy while her feet are closest. Once again, maybe so that she really hears Polle when someone gets too close.
Daisuke's and Jimmy's
(because they're so close together I might as well mention them together)
This one makes me feel the most anxious, given what we know about Jimmy... He's also close to Anya's too, but not one toss-and-turn away like he is with Daisuke. They are so close that when Jimmy wakes up because Curly's cries are echoing through the halls, you can hear Daisuke breathing without needing to get up. Not snoring, no, small shallow breathes through the mouth.
Which also means Daisuke is a mouth breather but let's not get side-tracked.
They sleep next to each other before AND after Swansea and Anya's talk. Which either means that A) Anya didn't tell Swansea about what Jimmy did to her and her current situation, maybe instead discussing how she thinks Jimmy was the one to actually crash the ship. B) She did tell him and Swansea didn't tell Daisuke because he thought Jimmy wouldn't do that to him. That's all sorts of messed up, especially when we know he's much younger and is easy to manipulate if you say the right words. As we learn how Swansea was able to keep Daisuke away from helping with the foam, he doesn't tend to question things if it's from someone he views highly (With Swansea > Jimmy in the hierarchy).
It makes me feel nervous about what could have been, or even possibly about what's already happened and we'll never learn about it.
Also Daisuke sleeps with his boots on. What. Why? Is it dev reasons? Wild.
All in all neither Anya or Daisuke should be close to Jimmy there's so much space there please move away.
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Back on my: Holotuber Jedi Youngling - OC Thoughts >.>
Prev <-
You think folks debate at first? Shtick or Real Thing? Like? No... no WAY could that be one of those Mysterious Mystic Space Cult Kids. No WAY. They would NEVER let their kid be unsupervised on the Net.
But like... (and since I'm a She, gonna use She, but realistically could be any pronouns here) she LOOKS like she's recording from a...? Is that a closet? This one looks like a vent. THIS video is definitely some sort of maintenance area. So she's definitely sneaking...
Ooooh! Thaaaat's a Jedi! REAL FUCKING JEDI. Just dropped down silently behind her. Arms crossed. Mouse droids be snitching. BUSTED.
:T
"Uuuuuuh, h-heeey, Master Uvalii. Fancy seeing YOU here!"
"Yes. Quite interesting isn't it? Since you should not be able to access this area at all, much less to achieve holonet access. Of which we are both aware you are expressly Forbidden To DO unsupervised."
".........I can explain?"
"Please. Do."
*feed ends, chat goes fucking NUTS*
Like? Oh SHIT. Baby Jedi in troooouble. But also? Oh no! What's gonna happen?! Are they gonna be okay?! S-should they TELL somebody? What do Jedi do to kids who disobey them? Does anyone actually KNOW? What DO any of us know about them!? Someone find their Com Code! MA! MA, I need you to yell at space monks! An adorable CHILD MIGHT BE AT STAKE!!! D:>
Even coming BACK on? For a supervised feed? Going "no, I'm just in trouble. Have to right paragraphs and meditate on 'why I felt the need to do this' (even though I KNOW why, not that they'll LISTEN. They just hope I'll meditate until I come to an answer they LIKE)" under the offscreen supervision of a teacher or Creche master?
Whole ass Net gonna be like "youngling! Blink Twice if they're holding you hostage! We can afford bounty hunters! We got a group pot thing going already!!! Aaaaaaaa-!"
Like? *waves at the camera and chat* she TOLD you. They don't believe you. This is part of WHY she wants to do what she's doing. Palpatine's and his Master's machinations have been building for a while. Eroding trust. The Jedi have become strange, dangerous, semi-mythical cryptids with magic powers we must HOPE are benevolent.
Not people.
Why would they expect some unfeeling, magical, sword-wielding space legend to be patient or kind to children? To even have the capacity? We are said to kidnap children and be unfeeling. Can not reach enough people to show otherwise. To reveal the mundanity of our lives. The traditions. The norms.
Food, children, laughter.
The Common Good.
And like? She obviously isn't gonna name Sith-ly NAMES. Not on CAMERA. But her lil "why I wanna play the tooka game and chat about lunch" speech? Convincing. Calms chat down. Still in trouble, mind you. But... provided it's SUPERVISED? And they work out some sort of effective moderation? Alright.
It's a matter of SAFETY, youngling. And no matter HOW much good you wish to do? They will NOT be sacrificing children to achieve it. That is NOT the Jedi way. There are plenty of old masters who would live nothing more then to ramble all day into cameras, if only to here themselves talk. (Oh? Good to know. Guest speakers pog?)
Like? Imagine making a game. Have a "mystical sage" character you TOTALLY BASED of Jedi in it. And your feed gets? Flooded with XD reactions in response to some smol bby streamer playing it? You go to check it out. Cause you're kinda a big deal on your planet. And?
Oh No™
That tiny streamer? Is a tiny JEDI streamer. Who is sitting there, in the stills, going O.o like "Wut." And the next still? Her lil friends are pulled in. The next? A teenager. The NEXT. An adult. The one after THAT. A few adults looking over her shoulder. Then a CROWD. All deeply, deeply confused looking.
The comments are DYING. Howling with laughter. The Jedi were so earnest. Trying to identify which Era you must be referencing. Which sect. But the head dress... cultural, maybe? It doesn't fit with the features though. Could be adopted. A hint at, I believe the term was, "lore"? No, no, those are DEFINITELY padawan beads! But so MANY? In THAT order?
They aren't even connected to a braid! And he's supposed to be a Master, right? But, wait. Perhaps it's meant to suggest he is a Padawan of the Force itself? A student of life? No, that wouldn't make sense! Stolen? It could suggest he has TAKEN the beads? Is regurgitating stolen texts without true understanding? Much like wearing bead he did not EARN?
They keep going and going. Ripping your character design to SHREDS. Picking it apart. Not even meanly! They are genuinely confused. AND IT ONLY MAKES THE CHAT LAUGH HARDER. Because it devolves into a MARATHON, after the game has been paused, of chat spamming different character names? For the Jedi to go "???" Over.
T...that's not? What? How does he even EAT in those robes? And those ones don't seem very non-humanoid friendly. Is he FLOATING HIS SWORD WITH THE FORCE? WHY!? Just keep it on your belt!!!
And? Now every game developer in the galaxy is PARANOID AF. Either make their mystics Very Obviously NOT Jedi rip offs... or shoot a "if I pay you $20 will you consult on something real quick" email. It's just... just easier man. Last guy got laughed into oblivion. Oof.
They can bill it as "Realism" or something. See guys? WE do or reasearch! Give us your credits!
Oh YEAH? Says the growing fan base of this Funky Lil Monk Child. Then put you game where your communication organs are. Send her the game, you cowards.
Do It.
Cut to "oh no, guys! The sorta-jedi died! What? Next objective? No. No we gotta give him a funeral! Oh good, we ca-BURY HIM?! What!? No!!! I could understand if he was from a race that held beliefs that bodies must be returned to the soil from whence they came, but this guy is a SORTA-JEDI! Absolutely NOT!"
"Let's cut down some trees. WE are building him a PYRE. Never ran one of these, but I can look it up. Gimme a moment. Okay. Draaaaag, him on to it. Where's his weapon. There! Thanks chat! On it goes too. Okay. Looking it up..... got it. Ahem...!"
*hold funeral for the sage character by burning his body*
*mods are IMMEDIATELY created to change the "burial" scene to a "Funeral pyre" with somber music*
Just? I can not let go? Of how the subtle shift would spread? Not in shining senatorial halls, but in class rooms and living rooms, dingy pubs and long hyperdrive flights? Anywhere boredom might be found and "hey check this out" might spread? Where someone else, might overhear and get curious?
Lik?? Imagine being the bounty hunter, who fuckin HATES Jedi, thinks they're sanctimonious BASTARDS, hearing someone snort laugh. Just... just fucking CHOKE on their cheep beer. Oh? Now everyone's interested. What's funny?
It's a teeny, tiny, lil jedi youngling. Playing that new Bounty 5 game. Unrealistic as hell. But they are going "I am a MASTER of stealth. A LEGEND of the hunt. You will not see me. I am sneaky. So, so, sneeeeakyyyyy!" As they concentrate on sneaking through back alleys.
Only for their character to fall RIGHT of a ledge, bounce against three buildings, smash into a parked Speeder, and roll right into a cut scene. Where they are call the "greatest bounty hunter of all time".
They look so incredulous.
"Are you SURE? Cause I'm fairly certain that phrase alone is banned for the trouble it causes, near most Bounty outposts. Could be the concussion talking though!"
They are? A sarcastic lil SHIT. Roast EVERYTHING. Know a surprising number of them. Given that they gave the Duros support character a modded in hat. Named him Definitely-Not-Cad. The fake look mustache REALLY sells it. Yeah, Bane. Clearly not you. YOU don't have a mustaches. *watches as she unleashes the Not Cad Bane like a highly tactical meat thresher on legs* brutal lil shit. They like her.
Granted, it's only BECAUSE it's not real she does so.
But I just? Have so many ideas? Spam the Galaxy with "this is who we are. We are people. Develop bonds with us. Care about us. KNOW us." Because the Sith can not possibly kill us all. Can not stop truth, so widely spread. Light dies, when you smother it in closed hands, hidden away in dark and long forgotten places. When you let fear dictate your actions.
It thrives in the open. With people. With the chance to SPREAD. Grow. Bloom.
It's about talking and caring. Being heard. What better place? Then on the screen in their pocket?
@babbling-babull @hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @spidori
#minji's writing#star wars#star wars prompt#holotuber au#want of a nail au#flap of a butterflies wings
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Sweet Tooth
Homelander x GN! Reader
Summary: Homelander is a regular customer at your little coffeeshop, visiting anytime he craves something sweet - you, in particular. Warnings: Canon-typical violence, cussing, HL is horny and also a douche Words: 1,575
"Seriously, Y/N? Who the fuck drinks a milkshake at 8am?"
Ah, there he is. You almost got worried because he ran late today.
"What are you, five? Grow the fuck up." That said, the gruff man in front of you pulled out a few loose dollar bills, cheekily slamming them on the counter. "One for me too, please."
You smirk, putting the cup down after slurping it in one go. Ouch, brainfreeze. "Good morning to you too, sunshine."
That's what he likes most about you: Finally someone that can take a fucking joke. People he usually surrounds himself with are either afraid of him, or got a damn stick up their asses.
Communication wasn't really his forte without someone dictating the lines he'd have to say. But with you it came refreshingly easy, that back and forth was so enjoyable that he almost felt human.
"Coming right away" you chant, already busying yourself with the ingredients. "With how often you're ordering this drink, I should name it after you."
Homelander snorts at the well-deserved mockery, unable to keep his mouth shut since you look so adorable when irritated. "As you should, considering I basically fund this place."
"Hey!" you put a warning finger in the air, lighthearted voice earnest now. "I can tolerate a lot, but that's no joking matter."
Okay, the location you were able to afford was neither central nor in a remotely good part of the town. It was so small that there was only space for two tables, and the interior honestly decaying.
But at least it was honest work, and you did the best you could.
"With the new Starbucks across the street I'm basically bancrupt." Oh godfuckingdamnit, he fucked up. Homelander here to unwind, and certainly not to listen to you whining about your insignificant little life.
Maybe Vought should send you a check, though - losing this spot would be annoying.
Initially Homelander came to your café out of sheer coincidence, wanting to calm his nerves after his first encounter with Sister Sage. He took a longer stroll through some shady alleyways, hoping to run into some lowlife to rip apart...
...instead, he found you. A pathetic excuse of business and surely not even remotely close to achieving the American Dream, but whatever.
John had found himself entranced with the cheesy decoration, a desperate attempt to make a place like this feel cozy. He secretly admired people with the ability to make anywhere feel like home.
Well, the menu looked good enough that he decided to treat himself with something sweet as matter of exception - and now it had become part of his daily routine.
Things had just settled like this, with you offering him your sincere company while he'd cryptically vent about anything on his mind.
"Here: For my favourite customer!" you cheered proudly as you presented him the shake. "Made with extra love."
"Secret ingredient, huh? You're just nice to get an extra tip" he tries to hide the insecurity behind a sassy remark, but you instantly parry his claim. "What, why, because you're so generous? Nonsense. You're just lucky you're so cute."
It was no lie, really. John had a rough shell and wore his heart on his tongue, but you appreciated his honesty and the good conversations you shared.
As you were rummaging in the kitchen counter, he couldn't help but notice how you turn down the radio despite continuing to hum the song it was playing. He once told you about having misophonia, and how much he hates modern pop music. You actually listen to him, consider his feelings unlike the imbeciles he's used to.
"Woah, maybe tune it down with the sugar, darling" he thought aloud as you poured yourself a coffe. Damn, he needs to save himself after this one - but the only thing he comes up with sounded more like a backhanded compliment at max. "You're already sweet enough, don't ya think?"
"Charming as always, I see." Your face contorts into a mixture of confusion and amusement at his words, and feeling bold you turn around, giving a provocating slap to your own ass. "As long as the fat goes into the right places."
John bites his bottom lip at the sight of your tight leggings framing your curves too well. Yeah, that'd be a great place to dig his fingers into. Some cushion wouldn't bruise or make you whine if he'd become a little rougher. Shit, his pants feel awfully tight right now.
"You're staring." Seeing him being the flustered one for a change sure was a great feeling, considering that he was very aware of his own good looks. So you decide to get him off the high horse, playfully poking his soft belly. "Also, you're one to talk."
Homelander shifts on the barstool, closing his legs so you wouldn't notice his cock twitching in anticipation at the sudden proximity. God knows how often he had daydreamed about slamming you onto the next best surface and fucking you stupid.
"You really shouldn't be mean to someone that could spit in your drink." He smirks, a predatory glint in his eyes as he leaned forwards until his unfairly handsome face was just inches from yours. "Joke's on you - I'd savour every last drop."
The audacity. You physically fight rolling your eyes at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of reacting. "Sometimes I think you're the most obnoxious person in the world, John."
Liar, he thinks to himself.
Nothing is hidden from his abilities, neither your raised bloodpressure nor the scent of the wet spot forming between your legs. He prided himself on that fact. And yet you stand there all taken aback, trying to play coy. Cute.
Well, it wasn't as if you had no interest in him. He's been coming here for weeks and you're still working up the courage to at least give him your number - but he was so incredibly out of your fucking league that you never considered actually going through with it.
Homelander on the other hand decided he had let the opportunity slip for way too long already. Except for both of you the shop was empty as always, and even if it wasn't he wouldn't care. Hell, he'd already imagined what it would be like pounding you naked against the display window to show every passenger who you'd belong to from now on.
"John, I-"
"Shh" he hushed you, his silencing finger lingering on your lips. You pulled away, just to be caught by a firm hand on the back of your neck. "Tell me if I should stop - but we both know what you want me to do to you."
Oh, he's insufferable.
Honestly, you should just slap him and tell him to go fuck himself - but a primal need had already shut down the rational part of your brain. "Damnit John, will you kiss me now or do I need to fuck that shiteating grin out of your face?"
Shit, what's not to love about you?
"Hands up in the air you two shitheads, this is a robbery!"
Un-fucking-believable.
While you immediately went into panic mode, seeing a weapon up close for the first time in your whole life, John nonchalantly leaned against the counter, an aggravated groan escaping his throat. "Dude, worst fucking timing."
"John, don't provoke him-" He threw a hand up in the air, signalizing you to be quiet. "Stay behind and let me handle this, sweetheart."
You nod quietly, John shielding you with his body as you shakily paced behind the counter. A shot was fired and you shrieked at the sound, apparently the criminal wasn't exactly patient or he just didn't like your customer's tone.
"John! God John, are you alri-" Your words got caught in your throat as you saw the shell fall to the ground. Must be the adrenaline clouding your view, but there seemed to be not a scratch on his body. He winks cockily at you before turning around, using the lasers in his eyes to make a quick end to this before you'd involuntarily get caught into the crossfire.
"So, is the drink on the house or what?" The hero jokes unfazed after just having spread literal brain matter on your tiles.
You were still trembling when he squatted in front of your cowering self, reassuringly patting your back. This shit is like second nature to him, and sadly the little empathy he possessed had dulled over time. "I told you to stay down, silly."
As soon as you've calmed down to a certain extend, you pulled your savior's baseball cap from his head, revealing disheveled blonde hair.
"Are you the fucking Homelander?!"
"Can't deny that after what you've just witnessed" he answers truthfully, offering you a hand to get up. "Took you long enough to figure out, though."
Your strained pants turned into hysterical laughter, probably due to the shock. "I-I honestly have no words."
That means he wins today's banter, he jubilates internally. You could've been a little more thrilled about the reveal of his identity, though - but hey, you can show him your gratitude later on.
"Thank you, I guess." You finally release the breath you were holding, tension leaving your body as you collapsed into his arms. Police sirens could already be heard fast approaching. "I- could you please bring me home after the investigation is over?"
"Sure" he tries to hide his excitement, cradling your exhausted self against his chest. "If you don't mind, I'll take you to go."
#the boys#homelander#homelander x reader#homelander / reader#john gillman#self insert#writing#fanfiction
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There's thousands of details in rdr2 that I really love, and I say it all the time, but if I had to pick one as my favourite? It would be the campfire interactions.
From chapter one to even the epilogues, there's always something going on around a campfire.
It's always touched me in an emotional way, but the vulnerability, honesty and silliness that comes out of gang members during late night/early hour campfire conversations? It's truly a beautifully written and well executed feature that I spend a lot of time paying attention to.
The campfire is almost like the gang's communal safe space. They're free to talk, vent, sing or play instruments, and the others around will simply sit and listen or sing along. They bond over sharing these funny stories and tall tales, you have the opportunity to learn so much from the gang members by just listening around the campfire.
Lenny will talk about his father and their hardships, Hosea will talk about how much he misses Bessie or how special Dutch is to him, Reverend Swanson will be open about his addiction and the relationship he has with religion, Abigail will voice her frustrations about John, Bill will talk about how he got discharged from the army, John will talk about his worries regarding Dutch's leadership, Micah will talk about damnation and being prepared for hell, and Javier will be open about Mexico or his mother passing away and not being able to bury her.
There's plenty more, there's hundreds of different campfire interactions, but on a rare occasion - Arthur will talk. He'll sit down and begin apologising for how things have turned out, he'll admit how he's struggling to find a way forward for everyone and that he doesn't want to die but is willing to, then he'll ask for their forgiveness and excuse himself shortly after.
I find it hard to describe how despite gang members having differing options of each other, there's an unspoken mutual closeness that they share whilst talking around the fire. They'll jest and laugh and quip, but they'll also simply listen when they need to.
It's so wonderful.
#one night hosea will be telling stories of accidentally robbing a house during a funeral#and the next uncle will be singing about ring dang do#oh I love it I really do#even in the epilogue abigail will sing along to jack playing the harmonica and they'll laugh about it together#its beautiful#what's your favourite campfire interaction?#<3#mick squeaks#mick rants#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#john marston#hosea matthews#dutch van der linde#lenny summers#reverend swanson#micah bell#javier escuella#abigail roberts#bill williamson#red dead redemption community#red dead redemption 2 spoilers#oh arthur#I know I yap and yap I'll post pics but ohh man My Brain is full of thoughts
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Cave Space
The mechanic’s shop was the loudest and dirtiest place I’d seen on this space station so far, and somehow that was comforting. All the ritzy retail stores and elaborate restaurants tried to look as fancy as possible, even the cheap ones. But this place felt honest and straightforward. It had bare concrete floors and the kind of shelf displays that didn’t bother with signs to actually explain what you were looking at. A real mechanic would know.
I had no idea, but I was just here to help haul things. Blip and Blop might have been a better choice if the things in question proved to be heavy, but they were off wrangling jumbo tubs of food and medical supplies with Eggskin, and anyways we had the big hoversled this time. It would probably be fine.
Mimi was talking fast with an employee about manifolds and vents and lots of other words, waving a couple green tentacles while he stood on the rest. The employee was the biggest Heatseeker I could remember seeing, which was still only mid-rib-height on me. He reminded me of the short gym guys from back home, able to build muscle in every direction but up.
A box thumped onto a counter near me. “You here to help lift and pull?”
I found an older human woman grinning at me, wearing a tank top covered in grease and long white hair held back in a ponytail. Also the kind of arm muscle that said she yanked engines out of spaceships for fun.
“Something like that,” I said with a smile. “Gotta make sure nothing falls off the sled.”
She waved a hand. “Ah, we’ll strap it down for you. There’s enough ramps around here to cause problems if we don’t.”
“I bet,” I said, thinking back to the last time I’d chased something important down a hill. “Don’t want to risk any explosions or chemical spills.”
“Or slamming a gear shaft into the side of a building,” she agreed. “There was a bit of a mess the last time someone was sure they didn’t need their stuff tied down.”
I winced. “Ouch.”
“Yeah, it’s standard procedure now,” she said, opening the box to pull out multiple smaller boxes, all labeled with arcane terminology and numbers. They rattled as she stocked them on the shelf under the counter. “If they’d asked me, it would have been standard from the start, but what do I know? I’ve only been doing this kind of work for decades, on more planets than I care to count.”
“Sounds exciting,” I said as she finished stocking. “I haven’t been out here all that long by comparison, but there’s always something new to see.” A glance around the shop took in rows of alien technology, a Heatseeker with scales painted silver, and one of those centipede-like people whose species name I didn’t remember. I was pretty sure they were looking at a jetpack display.
“Oh sure, plenty of weirdos out here,” the woman said easily, ripping tape off the box and flattening it. “Though it’s easy to tip over from marveling at the wonders to feeling the kind of intense homesickness that you get when you’re light years away from home.”
“I suppose so.” I’d been pretty lucky on that front, since my alien coworkers were friendly sorts who made me feel welcome. But there were times when the sheer amount of empty space between me and Earth was a little too much to think about.
“You’ve got to find ways to remind yourself of where you come from, and take pride in it,” the older woman said with a pointed finger, like a grandparent giving career advice. “Recreate bits of home while you’re far from it.”
I thought back to the potted plants and sun lamp in my quarters, kept high enough that the cat couldn’t chew on them. “I like to think I do that,” I said. “Do you have a preferred method? Classic Earth songs, googly eyes stuck in funny places?”
She barked a laugh. “Ha! Nothing I’d admit to. But I’ll show you my current favorite touchstone to humanity.” She dug in a pocket.
I stepped closer, curious, as she pulled out something palm-sized. She rested her elbows on the counter and held it up, framed by splayed fingers with appropriate drama.
It was a rock, smooth and shiny like it had been polished by a river and then by a thick layer of varnish, and it was covered in minuscule handprints. All in earthtones, like a cave painting reduced to pocket size: some in silhouettes like tiny hands had pressed mud or ash against the cave wall, and others shadowed by color like the prehistoric artist had chewed charcoal and spat it carefully around their fingers.
(I’d done that in school one day, with one of the cool teachers, who taught us the basics of humanity’s oldest style of airbrushing. It was incredibly messy and trickier than I’d expected. It gave me renewed respect for the artists from eons ago whose artwork had survived into modern times.)
And this was that same thing, made small enough to carry around the galaxy, a tiny reminder of home. “That’s fantastic,” I breathed.
“Isn’t it?” she asked, rubbing at the shine. “I got it from a traveling artist awhile back. If I was in a different line of work, I’d sell clothes with this pattern on them. It’s the kind of thing that makes other Earthlings smile.” She stood up and put it back in her pocket with a wink. “Not like googly eyes, but still good.”
“Yes, still good!” I agreed, smiling. I would have liked to talk more about it, maybe find out where that traveling artist had gone, but Mimi was wrapping up his conversation. A door opened to admit a trio of Heatseekers carrying a huge cylinder that was probably destined for somewhere in the guts of our ship.
“I’ll get the tie-down straps,” said the woman, rummaging under a different section of counter.
“Thanks,” I said, though I don’t think she heard me. The air was full of talk and the sound of clawed feet on concrete. I hurried to take up a position by the controls of the hoversled, making sure it stayed locked in place.
The team worked quickly, and in no time they had it strapped down well enough that it wouldn’t budge even if the gravity cut out completely. (Which had better not happen; I’d had more than enough of that kind of nonsense at the last station.)
Mimi processed the payment, tapping a screen with one tentacle tip and thanking the employees for having this whatsit in stock. I got the impression that it wasn’t the one he’d actually come to get, but it was better in some way or other.
“Thanks again!” I said as we tugged the sled toward the door. I waved at the other human and she waved back, two hands signaling kinship briefly across the room. Then she took her flattened box into the back and I stepped out into the artificial sunlight, looking for signs leading back to the spaceport.
The gravity behaved, and the ramps were no trouble. Blip and Blop were there to help unload the thing. I asked Mimi if he wanted three people to maneuver it into wherever it went, or if I should go put the hoversled away.
He was busy climbing inside of the cylinder with a flashlight, for whatever reason. “Nah, not enough space for everybody,” his gravelly voice echoed. “Let me just — really? Another one?” A faint squeak sounded like he was rubbing a tentacle against the side.
“What is it?” I asked, bending to look inside. Blip and Blop crowded behind me, a jumble of curious muscles and silks.
Mimi grumbled, “This is the third engine part that I’ve gotten with these annoying marks. All from different sources, too. If I ever find out which finger-having species is doing it, we are going to have words.”
Deep inside the cylinder, in a spot that likely would never have been seen by anyone but an agile mechanic, was a patch of handprints. Mimi had already smeared the ones made in grease, but the others looked like they might have been paint. All in earthtones. A cave painting in the depths of a spaceship.
Blip and Blop chorused, “Not it.”
I bit my lip to hide a smile. “It’s a mystery.”
~~~
Inspired by this excellent artwork by @letmeinimafairy! It deserved at least one story, if not several.
~~~
These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
#'is anybody gonna write about this?' I said -- not waiting for an answer#gotta love the freedom to make a story happen when inspiration arrives#thanks for the inspiration @letmeinimafairy#my writing#The Token Human#science fiction#humans are weird#haso#hfy#eiad#humans are space orcs#homesickness#in spaaace
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