#but also it’s important to know why
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domesticating your vampire: a memoir
(beautiful high res version on patre0n)
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#tavstarion#KARLACH#i nearly forgot her#when you just escaped vampire slavery but now you have to save for a down payment#i can't stress how important it is to me that astarion has a birthday#i don't know why#also sex is fine but have you ever had someone wash your hair for you. there is nothing more intimate#i'm devastated that i had to desaturate the polaroid because the lighting was so pretty
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Good tags ���️
really gets me pissed when men see my frustration as amusement. thinking abt how i would get genuinely angry about something w my ex (unrelated to him in these cases, like getting cut off in traffic, etc) and he would look at me w this little smile on his face and say something along the lines of “youre so cute when youre mad” shut the fuck up i will rip ur fucking face apart
#feminism#infantalization#objectification#save#I think this is a topic that needs to get talked about more because it’s been pointing out that men don’t women seriously#but also it’s important to know why#like I think it’s because a mix of how objectified and passive we are socialized#where derp down men know women aren’t for the most part physically dangerous#and that we’re supposed to put up with their shit because if we don’t we’re branded as hysterical#this is my theory but I think a lot of men act like this because of the roles mother are assigned under a patriarchal society#the father (man) is seen as an authority figure that you don’t mess with but the mother (woman) is one who actually does the child raising#and puts up with children’s shenanigans and pranks#there’s the whole trope of mothers scolding children and it’s supposed to funny and endearing#and just ‘what motherhood entails’ even though it’s very exhausting for mothers#mothers are never treated seriously because they’re supposed to love you unconditionally no matter what#so imo I feel like this son-mother relationship ( and it’s different from mom-daughter as girls are held to a more mature standard)#really sets the stage for any opposite sex relationship dynamic men have#like it makes do much sense to me with all the jokes about how men want a gf that’s like a mother they can fuck#they also want someone to mess with and get scolded by just like when they were young#and women don’t notice because of the expectation of them to be ‘mothers’ towards all men and are used to being toyed with#so there’s no actual sense that they’ve been wronged and attribute any emotional exhaustion with men as ‘just the way it is’#the solution to this is for women to not put up with men who want to mess with them and break up with them/divorce them#because men KNOW women ( whether their mothers#sisters or girlfriends) won’t leave or excommunicate them#emphasis on girlfriends/wives because there is literally no excuse to have this dynamic with a romantic interests like that is not a sibling
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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Party infighting
#dungeon meshi#aj art#chilchuck#tw sa implied#kind of#Also this is meant to be set before the griffin chapter so no one really gets why Senshi is having such a strong reaction lmao#That’s not important I just want people to know#Also it’s not really stated outright but the reason Chilchuck’s party feel so comfortable violating his privacy like that#While they think they’re being reasonable#Is bc Subconsciously they just don’t see him as an adult or even really a person#They didn’t intend to hurt him which is why they also felt so comfortable asking him to rejoin#From their perspective it was just an embarrassing situation#comic#Chilchuck backstory stuff
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hurt my heart why dontcha.
#adventure time#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#simon petrikov#BMO#this is seriously fucked up u cant do this to me im so sadSNSSN#IMAGINE BEING BMO#just one day finn and jake say they'll brb and they're going on a important mission...#and BMO after this and them being gone for awhile just see's the world go into peril#death everywhere. no sign of his friends expect remnant's of the past..#and the only survivor is them...#no other's expect the thing who released hell upon this once lively and colorful world in the first place.#and BMO just accept's this...tells themselves that they're still around...cosplay's as they're old friend's...this is fucked up#in the current timeline all his friend's are gone to natural circumstances.#but for this one? it was too early. too sudden. atleast in this one BMO will remember they're name's but...man.#this poor lil robo cant get a BREAK.#AND THEY FUCKING DIE IN SACRIFICE AT THE END TOO SHUTUPPPDPDPDPD#and the fact BMO also consider's “jerry” a friend...not knowing...that the same person caused all this.#this is...SO FUCKED UP#WHY MUST THE SHOW WRITERS DO THIS TO MY HEART.
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they’re like two kittens who were in the same litter but adopted by different people and have been separated since
#also you guys know how cats have bad memories and can only remember important things#that’s why adam haunts amanda#adam faulkner stanheight#amanda young#saw 2004#saw movies
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Okay but it's super interesting how
Din = Power = Ganondorf
Naryu = Wisdom = Zelda
Farore = Courage = Link.
Because Din, in the hylian creation myth, created the physical world. Naryu then created the laws - gravity, time, etc. And Farore finally created life - plants and people.
Din created the body, naryu the mind, Farore the soul.
And the triforce and its wielders so perfectly reflect that.
Ganon is physical power, he is big and intimidating and he breaks things. He is cunning and determined, but that's not what he focuses on. He is might makes right.
Zelda is wisdom and cleverness. She is stall tactics and information and team work. She is a powerful mage with a spine of steel, but that's not how she'll win. She is the pen being mightier than the sword.
Link is courage and persistence. He is the wild card sneaking behind enemy ranks, always moving, plunging into terrifying situations head first. He's a phenomenal fighter with a keen wit, but that's not what will get him through his challenges. He is bravery not being the absence of fear but the triumph over it.
They sit in perfect parallels to each other.
And ganon is reborn through his body - his resurrection is immortality. No matter how low he is cast, as long as he has a body he can claw his way back. He can cling to his power, build it ever higher.
Zelda is reborn through the magic of her bloodline. It's the accumulated knowledge handed down for generations, the unique power she must master, the skills she must develop to survive and get her kingdom out the other side intact. Even her name, the knowledge of herself, is handed down from all the way from the very first. Her ancestors knowledge of her future presence, her stability, is what gives her the edge.
Link is reborn in spirit. He is not bound by flesh or blood. Just like his wanderlust soul he can reappear in any time or place. His variation, his unpredictability, is exactly how he fights. It's what makes him so hard to pin down.
Ganons need to build strength means he can't chase after link. Links impulsiveness means zelda can outwit him. Zeldas stationary predictability means she's an easy target for ganon.
But the other direction?
Fire melts ice, ice redirects lightning, lightning burns fire.
And that's the very essence of the triforce.
#It's little details spread across the games like this that just makes it work so WELL it's SO COOL#They're all great at all parts of the triforce but they CHOOSE to focus on the path most meaningful to them#And that's literally reflected in their unique cycles of reincarnation isn't that just AMAZING#And that's why the team up is so important! If they were all working against each other they'd be locked spinning their wheels#If zelda and ganon teamed up link would immediately die and if link and ganon teamed up zelda would instantly perish#It's the link zelda team up that means ganon is the one who kicks it#Also the elemental thing was cool but they do jump around a bit. Like wind is there half the time#In botk the gerudo have lightning and the goron have fire. Farosh still has lightning tho and dinraal fire#In ss lanaryu was the lightning and faron had water like its all over the place thematically. And that's when it's only 3!#Don't even get me started on the 5/7 lots notankyu#But that's the most common group and it's also thematically accurate#Fire being the only one able to self perpetuate with fuel. Can be banked up again. Ice compresses with time but needs the right environment#Lightning go boom 👍 you can feel the static in the air but you don't know when/where it'll strike and then it's all over#Like fr it's hilarious zelda and ganon are playing the long game and link runs past eats all the pieces and while ganons yelling after him#Zelda checkmates his king. And nobody can prove she wasn't cheating because nobody was looking lmao#Ah the duality of metaphors#ANYWAY isn't that so neat???#Reason no.372 why rhoam was a terrible king he didn't just screw up he did it ✨thematically✨#If link had been allowed to run off and get dirty and if zelda was allowed to study her interest (like post kingdom fall FOR EXAMPLE)#They'd have won (like aoc) but nooooooo. I've already made a post (or 3) about it lmao I'll be quiet now#loz#legend of zelda#botw#triforce#loz link#the legend of zelda#zelda#loz botw#ganondorf#loz ganon
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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her top student!
sketch below!!
#i do not know why i put the sketch under the “keep reading” but i do#i think it doesn't take away from the finished art this way#but it's also a very important step of that i want to share it too#anywayssss#lil baby twilight#i love how i drew celestia's face in here!!!#art#digital art#mlp#mlp fim#mlp g4#my little pony#friendship is magic#mlp fanart#mlp art#my little pony fanart#my little pony friendship is magic#twilight sparkle#mlp twilight sparkle#princess celestia#celestia#mlp princess celestia#mlp celestia#i'm thinking about making a sideblog bc there's so many stuff i want to reblog but i have to keep my stuff organized ouuugh
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Pokémon Timeskip Series: Battle Legend Lyra 🍒🍂
One of the two Johto-Kanto champions, Lyra is best known for her bright and cheery down to earth attitude both on and off the battle field! She likes to travel ALOT you can find her in coffee shops in Kalos or surfing the waves in Alola or just about anywhere with her Fiancé, Silver by her side and never turns down a challenge to a good battle (even if she accidentally sweeps the other person’s team whoops) Her favorite drink is boba tea, her birthday is March 4th, she has a crippling gatcha AND otome addiction, and is 165 cm tall but that’s all for text no one is gonna read aaaaaa-
Drew out my timeskip Lyra due to me wanting to update a few things in regards to her design (can’t believe it’s been almost two years since my timeskip designs HELP) but I hope you enjoy!
Twitter Link
#pokemon#Trainer Lyra#Pokemon hgss#Lyra pokemon#Art#Her team is actually inspired by my SacredGold run btw! Hence why she has a Glaceon ha ha#(and she has a Farigiraf and Phanpy as well but I forgot to put them sorry)#pokemon timeskip#hgss#-points at her- they don’t know she’s my favorite (next to dawn)#I love her design so much she’s so hello Kitty ok she’s sooooo strawberry shortcake alright#Minnie mouse looking ass I love her so fucking much#she and silver are married cause I said so#it’s actually vague in my verse if she’s the npc role btw cause she DOES have the hgss mom and Ethan has the GSC mom! Also I’m super biased#Kris is the only one who’s truly a npc lol (lab assistant)#My ethan is a blend of npc Ethan and gold so my Lyra is a bit of Pokemas Lyra but also my own hcs if that makes sense#Also she and Kris are sisters!!! V important!!!! They are hello Kitty and Mimi to me if you compare the two I’ll explode you with my mind!!#gotta upload my art on tumblr but I’m lazy as hell lmfao#anyways uhhhhh#Hanamaru kunikida vibes for her btw…. please listen to Akogare Ranraran for full Lyracore vibes for this image thx#ALSO…. LISTEN TO LOVELY LOVELY STRAWBERRY BY KUBO YURIKA FOR MAXIMUM VIBES OF MY LYRA INTERPRETATION THX#Ok bye lol#Ally draws stuff
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Unpleasant Revelations - DPxDC Ficlet Idea for the Stillborn Au
"Have you met my youngest, Damian, Mr. Masters?"
Its only from twenty years of long, hard experience and practice that Vlad doesn't increase the room temperature from 'borderline uncomfortably cool' to 'unbearably hot' the moment Bruce Wayne pulls his youngest and "only" biological son out in front of him.
He puts only in quotations because twelve year old Damian Wayne looks scarily, uncannily like one Daniel Brown. Jack and Maddie's foster son, second victim of their foolishness, and only other halfa in existence. Second only to him.
It's nauseating how similar they look. From the scowl and terrible glare on the young boy's face, to his brown skin -- which was only a few shades lighter than Daniel's, the shape of his nose, and even the strange winged edge of his eyebrow. Something that Vlad has long since come to find endearing on the child he considered a son of his own. The only difference was that Damian had dark, sharp green eyes.
Daniel's eyes were blue. The same glacier shade as his father's, who stood behind Damian with a proud, oafish smile on his visage.
It was infuriating how similar they look. Vlad might not have rapidly swung the room temperature from one extreme to the other, but he can't stop himself from letting the fury burning within his core from slipping out and raising the temperature up a few degrees.
Because it really only meant one thing.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were related.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were brothers.
Standing in front of him, it was clear as day. He can already picture a phantom image of Daniel standing beside Damian, the same scowl written on his face, the same glare carved into his eyes. The only difference being the dark, exhausted circles beneath them that seemed to be permanently painted onto his skin. The only thing missing being the permanent loneliness and vigilance permeating his being like a scar.
This, if revealed, would be enough to ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation. Or, at the very least, darken it quite a bit. The great philanthropist Bruce Wayne with another secret blood child? One related to his youngest? One that had been put into foster care? Seemingly thrown away?
It would be a firestorm.
One that Vlad is not keen on starting.
It would ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation, yes. But it would hurt Daniel in the process -- the harassment he would face alone might just be enough to break that fragile child completely. That was just not something he could allow. Or, even worse, bring him into his biological father's care and custody -- something Vlad was even less willing to allow.
It's not out of kindness to Wayne that Vlad will keep mum about this.
His grip on his champagne flute tightens, just a bit. He's still aware enough of the world around him to not let it shatter in his hands. His plastered, pleasant smile tightens around the corners, and he forces his focus to slide from Damian to Wayne.
"The resemblance is uncanny, Mister Wayne." He says, slanting his smile to the side slyly. Although he's not talking about the resemblance between Wayne and his son. Rage simmers beneath his skin, burning coal and embers in the core of his chest, nestled between his lungs, as he meets the man's eyes.
Wayne swaggles his head proudly, his ditzy smile widening as he squeezes his son's shoulder affectionately. Bastard, Vlad wants to spit.
He breathes in through his nose, and exhales out through his mouth. The champagne in his hand cools, and stops its unusual bubbling.
The Damian boy scoffs under his breath, his mouth still coiled upward into a scowl. With the revelation of his blood relation to Daniel evident, Vlad's not sure if he should find it endearing or not.
He is not Daniel, so he decides that it's just simply irritating. He decides to ignore it.
"And you said he was your only biological son?" He asks, voice lilting and head tilting. He knows its a suspicious question at worst, insulting at best. But considering Wayne's past proclivities, he can hardly call it an unexpected question.
Damian puffs in great offense, face twisting angrily. It reminds him of Daniel when Vlad insisted that he was wrong about something or other, and for a moment his heart swells, fond.
But this is not his child, and so the feeling quickly crashes and burns, simmering back into rage. This was not Daniel -- this was his replacement. A replacement that Wayne was free to keep.
Wayne chuckles, idiotically, as if he'd said some funny joke. Vlad's other hand, the one gripping his cane -- something he's required ever since he was dispatched from the hospital all those lonely years ago -- tightens instead. He grinds his teeth -- him and Jack Fenton would get along like a house on fire, he hates it.
"I can understand why you'd ask that, Mister Masters," Wayne says, squeezing Damian's shoulder again, "but yes, Damian is my only biological son. Although that doesn't mean I don't love my other children any less."
Bastard.
For all his posturing and flouncing about caring for his city and his children, Vlad never would have thought the Prince of Gotham capable of abandoning one of them.
But, well.
They all have their dark secrets.
And what one man throws away, another man picks up. If Bruce Wayne didn't want the treasure child that was Daniel Brown, then Vlad Masters was more than happy to take him instead.
"I see."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc ficlet#dpxdc fanfic#i was hit with this idea two hours ago and was hit with the intrinsic need to write it down#parental vlad masters#protective vlad masters#vlad is currently going 'OH? OH YOU ABANDON AND REPLACE **MY** SON??? MURDER. DEATH. BEES UPON YOUR FAMILY'#but he's also still like. evil. much less of a creep! but evil. so he comes off a bit possessive. which was intentional.#vlad's reaction is kinda valid if it was accurate and bruce DID willingly and knowingly abandon danny. except he didn't. he has no idea#danny is even alive. vlad doesn't know that tho. we all love a good reasonable misunderstanding :]#hc that vlad needs a cane as a human because the ecto-acne that killed him fucked his nerves up a bit as a result and now he's got a bad le#and is also immunocompromised. which had a slight hand in his 20 year isolation thing.#stillborn? no still born au#stillborn danny au#stillborn danny#vlad masters#this may or may not be canon to the au im still thinking about it#vlad acknowledges that danny is formiddable but he's also not wrong that a media shitstorm like that would hurt him considerably.#diamonds are the toughest known material to man and yet it still shatters like glass when put under pressure. vlad's right he's fragile#ummm anyways yeah Vlad finds out first and promptly decides to go 'oh okay so fuck you personally actually. keep your replacement child'#he has No Plans on telling Danny what he learned mostly for the obvious selfish reasons and also bc yeah. this is gonna hurt danny#ITS NOT FUN IF IT ISNT A LITTLE TOXIIIIC#i absolutely know that vlad only swears in deserts which is why its important that i have him call bruce wayne a bastard directly.
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part 1 (on VA and being better than humans)
part 2 (on welt and being just a human)
#remember how in second eruption welt keeps getting covered in blood edgelord style whenever he fights??? yeah#wait first off#hi3#honkai impact 3rd#welt yang#void archives#voidwelt#my doodles#okay anyways. VA isnt human but they haven't been in a “human” body for very long so i reckon there's a lot of new experiences to make#and. i dont think he gets to be dignified enough NOT to be whiny about it. cmon. itd be so funny#second of all sure welt is human but that dude's real used to not giving a shit abt how he's doing and acting like a robot instead of a per#cuz he's got more “important” shit to do#(that's so fucking real of him man ME TOO BESTIE)#also as i told kai: that last panel is not a look of surprise or horror. i tagged this as voidwelt for a reason#i think we all know what kinda look this is#edit: and why tf would they be fighting sky people? why can they bleed? dont ask me im here to draw gay people covered in blood#edit 2: oh my god i didnt add the blood in the first panel. THATS WHAT THE JOKE REVOLVES AROUND???
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One piece fans are great cause no matter who you are, where you come from, what your age, gender, sexuality, socioeconomic status is, 1 of these 4 middle aged men will inevitably become your blorbo. Margaritaville uncle, big titty mob boss, morticia addams, or assigned clown from birth. They're all hot, homeless and obsessed with a teenage boy. The world's worst polycule. Choose wisely.
#one piece#sir crocodile#shanks#buggy the clown#dracule mihawk#one piece meme#they also show up do something important then fuck off for 300 chapters#its mihawk for me. shanks is close second. this is why i ship mishanks#doesnt mean you dont worship straw hats or supernovas just that one of these guys in particular will scratch your brain#editing the tags to clarify: you can have them all but I know one in particular is your ride or die feral obsession
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with Luo Qingyang and Lou Binghe having the same last name I got start thinking of an au: like what if lbh was her little brother
tho what's funnier lbh in the mdzs universe or that means tlj is lou qingyangs dad in that au
I wanted to give this a genuine answer but I kept getting distracted by Lou Binghe...so...yeah.
#poorly drawn svsss#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#modern au#homestuck#ask#More of a warning tag than an organization tag. Even though this is not my first homestuck crossover. Or my last.#Do *not* ask me to justify why modern au svsss translated into 'homestuck casual cosplayer LBH'. I don't know. I don't know!!!#It was 2am and my brain is completely cooked! It just kept happening bro!#I do think modern AU LBH would absolutely be a causal cosplayer by the way. Maybe not homestuck. Probably an anime.#I will take suggestions and the best one (very loose definition of best) I will draw. Or do another poll to then draw.#This is your call to action (the one reading this <3)#Shen (shawn) Yuan absolutely has 'I read homestuck since it's days on the mspa forums' energy. He would have been in deep.#Shang Quinghua can also have a little 'After finishing the series he became a clown gender e-boy'. As a treat.#Ok I got it out of my system. I can answer the ask properly now.#LBH would have been so much more normal if he had mianmian as a role model.#“if it sucks - hit the bricks. Do not succumb to the sunk cost fallacy” is a motto LBH really needed to hear.#Both of them do start from the bottom and seek a rise to the top - only to take a step back and realize it isn't the most important thing.#So it is a kind of neat parallel!
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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I resent you for being raised right I resent you for being tall I resent you for never getting any opposition at all I resent you for having each other I resent you for being so sure I resent you presenting your life like a fucking propaganda brochure
drew some scenes from my own fic because it turns out you can do whatever you want forever
#🐉#VALshrue#verses unwritten#<- i know i put my fic in the maintags but. no. jon ware avert thine eyes.#if youre wondering why these look so different btw its because they were originally drawn about a month apart#and ive had enough of looking at them#also VALs hair is down even though its impractical bc she has neurological damage from being hallowed#so her fine motor skills are shot to shit#this will be explored in the next fic in the series so it is actually important#jart#this is a fic about communication! and doing fight club on each other in an empty field#eiars
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