#but also don’t. I like this hole. help | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pluvio-floret · 5 months ago

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I enjoyed chilaios week a lot!! I wish I’d done more for it, but alas, artblock… I did manage to do this quick thing for them for day 7 however (and on time!! (rare for me!)), so yay :))

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the-woman-upstairs · 11 months ago

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In the universe of the film, there is ABSOLUTELY a contingent of fans that fervently ship Argylle/Wyatt and have the dominant ship on AO3 and trade elaborate fan theories about their hidden relationship and are convinced they’re meant to be endgame but the publishers won’t allow it. Of course, they go totally BALLISTIC when they learn they’re based on the author and her boyfriend.

#argylle #argylle spoilers #my only real complaint with argylle is that we were robbed of a henry cavill/john cena kiss #there’s so much fun to be had with the universe of this film especially in regards to the book fandom #i like to believe aidan stirs up ship drama on fandom forums and social media #the minute rachel’s spy past gets declassified it’s OVER for her in fandom lol #i can appreciate not everyone being into the film’s bait and switch #but i can’t help but love a spy film that lets the female lead be a whole women struggling to define herself #while also kicking ass and having a sweet goofy guy be head over heels for her #this really is the kind of movie that fandom could have soooo much fun with #don’t even get me started on elly/rachel projecting all of her badass spy escapades on a super manly fit dude #like if he’s done everything she’s done…girl memory-holed her own bisexuality lol

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finniestoncrane · 1 month ago

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I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I need but I’m glad I’ve got therapy tomorrow

#kinda… down #feeling sort of broken #and I appreciate all the help #but I feel ignored sometimes like my problems are boring #it’s be nice if someone wanted to help me fix them #it’s just my brain being fucked I know #because I sound so ungrateful and shitty and horrible #horrible enough that it’s like?? I don’t deserve nice things!!#but sometimes I say I’m sad and I get a pity like and told it’s ok #I say I feel lonely and unliked and people say ‘aw’#others might get a long discussion or an outpouring of ‘I like you!!’#and i think I’m just missing out on that because I can’t make connections deep enough #also I’m needy and confused and never really feel like I’m anything to anyone #and that people don’t actually like me #and that me constantly feeling like this makes them like me even less?#but I can’t help it :(#and I wish I knew how to not feel like that and be normal #I think I’m gonna take a little break because I’m in a really deep hole #i'm sorry im like this #and I’m a little bit afraid for myself #finnie shouts into the void

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yamsarts · 7 months ago

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no one asked but idc i think tma Gerry and Needles should kiss

#needles tmagp #tma gerry keay #tmagp fanart #tma fanart #needles tmp #this all started bc I thot Michael and Needles should kiss bc they’re both cunty and pointy #and then me n me bf were like what if Needles and Gerry kissed but also Gerry isn’t afraid of Needles ofc #bc he have a million tattoos and piercings #I think Gerry makes Needles poke holes in him for free new piercings #i want to draw him being bfs w tma gerry and michael #I think its what he deserves #he’s a bottom he needs to be bullied #I do like the idea of Needles dating Gerry first and Gerry holds off on introducing him to Michael bc he Know Michael is gonna act up™️#esp since it’s rly easy to wind Needles up #god Michael would be such a little shit #but then they would both annoy Gerry #my bf says it’s getting your eldritch horror bf another eldritch horror bf to keep them busy while ur away #like when you get a dog for your dog #anyways once again. I love all y’all’s needles designs 😤💖#I love this stupid pointy little twink sm #also don’t ask me how Gerry isn’t getting stabbed let’s just suspend our belief #smth smth Gerry and Needles both read Hellraiser when they were teens and it sure had an effect on them #I just think mister Gerry Keay is not only a monsterfucker but a monster tamer #i want to draw ink5oul next 😤#i also think they and Needles should kiss #I have a lot of thots abt them djfjjfjf #my art #gerry/needles #gerry x needles #yall should help me name this ship i used all my creative brain juice on drawing them

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yakultii · 2 months ago

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if anyone does anything that makes me feel even remotely out of control it changes my brain chemistry about them forever even if I know they mean well and want so badly for things to go back to the way they used to but they can never go back and I hate myself for that

#ill literally ruin every friendship ig #does anyone else experience this bc it’s actually so fucked up I hate it sm #and like im good at pretending it’s ok so even if the other person goes back to normal I never am #it’s like the grudge just stays forever no matter how much forgiveness I logical have #and the association w the person just feels sickening even if they r so full of love #and I think that talking about it will help but it just digs a further hole #like it always get resolved on their end but somehow I feel worse #I’ve lost some of the greatest ppl bc of this :(#like ppl make mistakes #and sometimes it’s not even a mistake or anything wrong im just insane #and then I feel I don’t treat them as well but not in ways they would notice ugh idk im actually fkd #hence I mostly cut them off bc I don’t wanna treat them badly they don’t deserve it #but im also sick of cutting ppl pff who r genuinely so nice and made one off comment #bc I’ve made plenty of off comments im sure bc im human and yet other ppl r ok w it like y can’t I be #anyways usually the whole reason they have even said anything that has put me off them is just their reaction to me being mentally ill #so it kinda all stems from me everytim LOL yay

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simgerale · 9 months ago

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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

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velvetjune · 9 months ago

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the chapter songs in Alan Wake 2,, flawless

#they deserve more love and discussion #saying this while also not knowing what to say other than they’re so fucking good #alan wake 2 #i think it’s partially because poets of the fall’s tracks are iconic so of course they’re in the spotlight (as deserved)#but also the CHAPTER SONGS. them being made for a given chatacter(s) with the help of Sam lakes poetry #the changes with ‘this road’ by Poe with every Alan chapter. becoming more distorted and revealing lyrics and the spiral #the scratch song being 1) hilarious and 2) similar to Zane’s poetry in the aw1 arg #the emotion in superhero when saga feels lost at the story making it so Logan was gone #the lines of her feeling like a ghost in this story forming around her.. how she feels guilty and absent for both what the story’s doing #and being away from Logan because of her job. ashdhhhhjhh my heart #AND. follow you into the dark HAS to be alice. which kills me because at for at I thought of Alan #but no. Alice jumped in the dark place after him. it’s so !!!!!!!!!!!#the rabbit hole line. Alice spiraling deeper and deeper into a dream—into wonderland #the Lost at Sea one is also good. intrigues me. the Bowie and Lynch references are blatantly aw2 Zane #but it’s so similar to diver Zane and the ‘originals’ death. being lost in the dark place with illusions of escape #and losing any sense of identity. whether he’s real at all or the monster of this sea or just a lost soul.#the soft and calm vocals / instrumental really makes the whole thing #NEED to stop typing more tags because this is a Lot. however.#‘no one left to love’ is also a phenomenal song and one of my favorites from the album. GORGEOUS vocals and how it all flows together.#such a powerful and beautiful way to end a chapter #anyway that’s all I had to say :)#god. I’ve started to watch a few playthroughs of the game and 90% of people have skipped the chapter songs and every time im #that’s fair but my brain and soul might implode if I don’t see anyone else talking about how good these songs are

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tana-draws · 4 months ago

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killed by death is mid but it’s placement in the show makes it mid-er. Like, you could have made us metaphorically curl up under our covers and bawl our eyes out like your predecessor and successor but no. Go girl give us nothing. Coughing baby vs hydrogen bombs

The name is funny though

#killed by death like no shit sherlock #Like there are so many plot holes as well #How the fuck did Buffy inject disease into herself #And how did it not like. Have worse consequences #If it even eorked #Idk I don’t remember much of that episode #I guess because she’s the slayer?#Also Cordelia and Giles’ interactions were funny #But what was she even doing there #Why did he need someone to help him research #buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs s2 #btvs

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itspileofgoodthings · 5 months ago

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#I once made a joke to my students that even though I never worked out I was always mentally lifting weights #in the gym of my own mind.#and it’s been such a helpful metaphor #not to make an outrageous statement here or to overestimate how smart I am (often not very smart at all!)#but just. my brain gets use. it gets exploration. it has been honed.#if it had an embodied form (other than my body) yeah! it would be lifting weights!#and/or doing gymnastics lol (for a zeitgeist-y metaphor)#(actually I am legit so good at mental gymnastics)#but ANYWAY the point is: the metaphor struck me because it highlighted how little my brain gets a break #and again—it’s not all worthwhile or deep or insightful or GOOD. a lot of it is useless or downright silly mental activity #but it IS activity. it is mental motion. day in day out. and it is so so so so so so so hard for me to give my brain a break #or even know how to do that #and I am absolutely tearing mental muscles and getting whatever it is athletes get when they work out too hard #or too strenuously #to extend the metaphor to the limit #and I need !!!!!!! a rest day #vacations are almost worse tbh. I feel like I hit this point a lot in the summer #because school forces me to think about things but actually much more helpfully it forces me to stop thinking about things #and do something else. it’s thinking on a schedule lol #and so the breaks are just built-in #but on my own I’ll just go go go go go and fall down every rabbit hole and chase my own tail #and it’s so tiring #anyway it hit me the other day that I could actually set limits for myself #like I was thinking about something in the shower (as you do) and it was stressful #and then I was like you have until the end of the shower to think about this and then you have to stop #and it was super helpful. I need to do that more. but yeah.#I don’t know how to give myself a rest day because who knows what will set the brain off #I also Know it wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’t all interwoven with anxiety. but anixey is very deeply interwoven with how my brain works #so stressfully going down a million thought paths #ANYWAY !!!!! it is 1;41 am and I can’t sleep!!!!!!!

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doriantomybasil · 10 months ago

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i don’t know what this says about me as a person but when i was like five my family and i went christmas tree shopping and i convinced my parents to buy the ugliest tree because i felt sorry for it and the thought of it not being chosen made me cry and then i also made my dad dig it out instead of cutting it down because i didn’t want it to die and then for years we went back to that same place for christmas trees and the hole was still there

#it also took him like an hour #the guy who owned the place helped him tho #i was five don’t judge #i’m also pretty sure that it died like three days after christmas #there was like a hole in it where a branch was missing and it was already going kinda brown #and it was short and didn’t have a lot of leaves and branches #but i felt so sorry for it it made me cry

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foreverppl · 2 years ago

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Moodboard for Amais Rena (he/they), lead singer of alt rock band Way Way Downers @infamous-if

Playlist

#catch them being like ‘what happened to the MUSIC???’ every time some reality tv show drama goes down lmfao #having them be a homewrecker by romancing mrs. valentine so we’ll see how that goes #but also after playing the demo i’ve fallen down the seven rabbit hole and i CANNOT get out omg #anyway personality facts ig:#they toe the line between confident and arrogant but ONLY when it comes the music #like he’d never call himself the best but they know that they’re a good singer and the band makes good music #so they don’t usually care to listen to criticisms that say otherwise #can be a little intense and takes things way too seriously somtimes #loves their bandmates to death so he was def put off a little by g in that one convo #is OBSESSED with doing the pop punk voice/accent much to the dismay of everyone around them. they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever #still feels really guilty abt what went down w seven so is just sorta… taking whatever they dish atp #okay at social interactions just veers more on the detatched polite side of things in interviews/w fans and other ppl they don’t know #which is veryy different from how they are on stage.#on stage they fully embody the music and let themselves do whatever feels right. no inhibitions. a complete release.#lover of tight pants and nice cuban heeled boots #is pretty responsible but has issues being told what to do prob stemming from the whole absent parent thing (srry orion)#can play piano but only the basics. only learned to help with the songwriting process.#if underground wastebasket has a million haters amais is one of them. if underground wastebasket has one hater they are that one.#if underground wastebasket has no haters that means amais is dead.#my mcs #if: infamous #mc: amais rena (infamous)#mb

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seilon · 5 months ago

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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!

#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account #it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen #she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least #even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of #dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore #because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to #contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help #my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing #anyway I’ve given myself a headache #I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious #not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did #if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate #my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly #I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance #and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late #as possible and it . doesn’t even matter #im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs #vent #like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount #through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore #not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground #I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it #I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating

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chiwhorei · 10 months ago

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Hey don’t say shitty things in the comments/reblogs of someone’s writing I’m so sick of u ppl is2g

#babble.dollie #the whole critiquing of people’s writing is always weird to me in a fanfic community #it just seems like a reason to be weird to someone you don’t know online #especially since it is content you’re not paying for and is just a hobby/outlet for fandom ppl #I also am very lucky to be from the old HQ/BNHA days where there was servers full of other writers willing to help/give feedback/beta #so now I have tons of friends who are willing to read something before it’s posted #rant aside— I guess I can’t be mad at genuine good faith feedback #but I don’t ever really see that it’s usually something bitchy or weird #anyway back into the hole I go

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pepprs · 1 year ago

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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i don’t have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment

#purrs #i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are #falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school #so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w #was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome 😍😍😍😍😍) and i was just so stressed and #overstimulated but also like… nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the #store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for… needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol #and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and #OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant… it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the #same time like i want that soooo bad and i can’t do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life #anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. don’t mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps 🫶🏻#the problem is really that i don’t have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving #practice bc it’s never a good time so. lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i #learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills #(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding 🤪#delete later

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dongpound · 1 year ago

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Would yall believe me if I said the Zaa’Vadal shit might be the most unpleasant chapter I’ve ever written just bc it’s taken me SO long and I’m just like 🧍 I’m tired of this

#it’s also so far the closest in plot to the OG episodes and I’m like #eh #we know what happens #except I can’t think of a way that they truly #genuinely #want to take time out of their mission to restore the aeons #and I don’t know. who tf. would even figure out the aeons and creatures are the same thing #this was such like 1) a mess of an episode #2) an episode to introduce a conflict for April in the future #ugh #I lied it’s not close but it is like #things happen. similar beats.#like I guess Karai would figure it out but NO ONES gonna help her #bc they have OTHER SHIT GOING ON #like I’d just scrap it if it weren’t the first piece of the black hole generator they find

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willowfey · 1 year ago

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sometimes life is boohoo sad and then ur mom brings u back a creamy mango lemonade freeze with mango boba and hello kitty halloween spa things and suddenly u are woohoo glad

#it is not even a little bit frozen anymore but it’s SO GOOD i don’t even care #i accidentally killed a frog last night and got locked out of the house and had to throw pebbles at my window until my sister noticed #and then she teased me and called me a murderer for accidentally killing the frog and that made me feel like an EVIL PERSON #so that was traumatising #also the hot guy on hinge who said i was ‘very very cute’ & looked like i walked right out of a disney movie & was asking abt my hobbies #and almost accurately guessed my meyers briggs except for one letter i think is ghosting me #which i guess was to be expected bc we have like Nothing in common and both matched on looks alone…. still #i’d hoped to get a Little more fun out of it first #aaaand what else…… my room is a mess i have a million things to do & instead i’m sitting on the couch with my neck pillow reading fic #and i think. i THINK. i am done descending into a hole of depression. and i might have the strength to at least sit still for a minute #before attempting to climb back out #i am still very sad about a lot of things and i still feel tired and helpless and anxious and all sorts of things but #it feels like something i recognise again as opposed to some eldritch beast taking over my body #maybe it’s because i cooked yesterday that tends to help. maybe it’s experiencing emotion vicariously through little fictional guys #something like that. also the road in the neighbourhood was repaved today #a new path ahead of me it seems.#anyway if u see this pls come tell me about ur day ! i want to connect with other humans

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