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elix8r · 8 months ago

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Monkey Bars (sjy) Part 2

PART ONE

PAIRING: jake sim x fem!reader

GENRES: smut, angst (so much in this part), college au, frat au, enemies to lovers, exes to lovers

WARNINGS (for this part): profanity, underage drinking, violence, depression, so much slut shaming, kind of toxic relationship?, lots of crying and emotions, mentions of sex tape, unprotected sex, fingering, soft sex, victim blaming

SUMMARY: Jake Sim was like the epitome of the perfect fourth-grade boyfriend. He had it all – being a year older automatically put him on the cool list (which in turn also boosted your popularity), genuinely kind, and very cute. But then, the earth-shattering truth that he was a two-timing cheater hit you like a ton of bricks. You caught him red-handed, holding another girl's hand and it devastated you beyond measure. So of course, in your nine-year-old mind, there was only one deserving punishment – a forceful push off the monkey bars during recess, resulting in a broken arm.

And so, the battle lines were drawn. You and Jake became sworn enemies, a feud that carried on even into college. You saw him as a total fuckboy who always knew how to get under your skin, while he saw you as a snobby bitch who thought she was better than everyone else. But fate, in its twisted sense of humor, had other plans. Out of a class brimming with a hundred other possibilities, it was Jake who ended up being your assigned partner.

Clearly, the world had favorites and you weren’t on that list.

WORD COUNT: 18.1k

AUTHOR’S NOTE: i know it’s been almost a year since the first part came out and so much has happened since then but seriously thank you to everyone who waited patiently for this it really means so much to me that this story was loved as much as it was and i hope this last part doesn’t disappoint! seriously love you guys so much and enjoy! 🫶

THE FRAT DIARIES MASTERLIST

GLOSSARY

You didn’t really know how the rest of the weekend went. In fact, you weren’t even sure what day of the week it was, but honestly, that was the least of your worries. Since Friday, you had been holed up in your room, refusing to leave your bed. After running out of the bar, it was as if you lost all your memory. You had a hard time recollecting everything when you woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and swollen eyes.

According to Wonyoung, when she and Lily followed you out, you were in a state of absolute hysteria, hunched over on the streets, and dry heaving. Niki and Jungwon had stayed behind, and while you were trying to get away, Jungwon had apparently threw a punch, resulting in both of them getting kicked out. But neither of them cared. They came out of the bar seething with anger, not only with how the three boys treated you but also with the realization of what one of their own brothers had done to you. It was as if your body shut down, and Niki ultimately had to carry you back to your dorm. Since then, you haven't left the comfort of your bed.

Throughout the weekend, Wonyoung made sure you were left alone and took charge of your phone, shielding you from any more heartbreaking news. She couldn't bring herself to disclose the truth to you, knowing that what you had assumed was indeed true, and the reality was even more devastating than she had feared. A video was circulating, spreading like wildfire, and it seemed that a large portion of the school had already gotten ahold of it.

Your best friend had also held back in revealing that she had marched over to Epsilon Nu after tucking you in on Friday night and ended up getting AES banned from the EpNu house for the rest of the semester. None of your sisters seemed to care though as they were quick to stand in solidarity with you and wanted no association with their former brother fraternity. In fact, Yeji (AES’ President) had called an emergency meeting the next morning, which you were obviously absent from, to address the severity of this situation and how no one was to engage with the fraternity for the remainder of the semester. Once again, none of your sorority sisters seemed to protest as they all praised Wonyoung for the actions she had taken.

Wonyoung was never one for violence, but upon discovering what Jake had done to you, her sister, best friend, and soulmate, she felt an overwhelming need for him to face the consequences. Jungwon, of course, did his best to reason with her, urging her not to make any rash decisions, but Niki stood firmly in support of Wonyoung's impending actions.

Jake had just put the final touches on your shared project before submitting it when his door was forcefully thrown open. Jay, startled from his slumber on the other side of the room, was bewildered but still groggy. Jake, however, recognized the situation the moment he saw Wonyoung's face twisted in absolute fury. He was too slow to react as she delivered a resounding slap across his cheek, setting off a chain of chaos. Jay was now fully awakened as Jungwon tried to restrain Wonyoung, and Niki stood in the doorway, glaring at Jake. Despite Jungwon's efforts, Wonyoung effortlessly broke free from his grasp and landed a solid punch on Jake’s face, causing him to be met with a searingly painful sensation. The commotion attracted the attention of several of his fraternity brothers, who rushed over to assess the situation. The sight that greeted them was far from what they had anticipated.

Jay and Jungwon struggled to hold back Wonyoung, who had turned feral, screaming and attempting to break free in order to continue her assault on the boy now bleeding on the floor. Jake made no attempt to fight back or escape; he simply absorbed the blows, unable to meet anyone's gaze as guilt washed over him. He knew that once the truth about his actions became known to everyone, he would be left with nothing.

It took the combined effort of about five boys to finally restrain Wonyoung, but by then, the entire house had caught wind of the incident through her passionate outbursts. The piercing looks Jake received from his fraternity brothers only intensified his overwhelming sense of shame. He was immediately summoned into Heeseung's room for an impromptu meeting to address the situation.

"What the actual fuck, Jake!" Heeseung's disbelief was eclipsed by his anger. While Jake had always been one of the more unruly members of the fraternity, this crossed a line that even Heeseung couldn't fathom.

Jake pressed a towel to his still-bleeding nose, remaining silent with his eyes fixed on the floor.

“Jesus fucking Christ so you’re just not going to say anything?” Heeseung scoffed at Jake’s lack of response as he paced around his room. Then, the door opened revealing Taehyun who was in charge of risk management. He entered in silence as he eyed Jake before turning to Heeseung.

“Soobin thinks you should call Yeji. Wonyoung’s having to be guarded by like five people. She’s crazy like she just yanked Sunghoon by his hair and threw him across the room like he was nothing, it was actually insane. The guys are kind of scared, what do you want me to do?” Taehyun’s normally big eyes were even wider as he informed EpNu’s president of their current situation.

Heeseung, obviously stressed, exhaled really loudly and combed through his hair. “I’ll handle her and I’m calling Yeji right now. Can you take care of him? I’ll send Yeonjun up to help.” He shot Jake one last look before leaving.

After Heeseung departed, the room fell into an eerie silence. In contrast to Heeseung's exasperation, Taehyun remained ominously quiet as he took a seat at Heeseung's desk. His unwavering stare fixed on Jake, and as mentioned earlier, Taehyun had a menacing aura when angered, which sent waves of terror through Jake.

"Is it true? What Wonyoung is accusing you of?" Taehyun's voice was cold, devoid of any sympathy for the bleeding boy.

Jake finally mustered the courage to meet Taehyun's gaze. Every fiber of his being urged him to avert his eyes, yet this time he decided to speak up. "Kind of."

Taehyun scoffed, unsatisfied with his response. "What the fuck does that mean? It's a yes or no question."

As Jake opened his mouth to reply, the door burst open, revealing a tall figure. Unlike Taehyun's icy glare, Yeonjun exuded an entirely different energy. He appeared visibly angered. "Did you fucking do it?"

"He says he 'kind of' did it, whatever that means," Taehyun informed the older male, rolling his eyes in Jake's direction.

Yeonjun narrowed his eyes, casting his gaze downward at Jake, both literally and figuratively, as he stood towering over him while Jake remained seated on the bed. "Alright, then what does that mean?"

Jake felt as though he was trapped in an interrogation room, suffocating under the weight of their scrutinizing stares. "I didn't intentionally share the videos. Some of the guys got hold of them and sent them in a groupchat to everyone during practice."

"So it's not your fault that they were leaked, then?" Yeonjun probed further, his confusion evident as he questioned why Jake bore a guilty expression.

Jake let out a heavy sigh before finally confessing, "Yeah, it's not entirely my fault when the videos first leaked, but I didn't do enough to shut it down. I don't know what came over me, but they kept pushing me to show more, and then Jeongin said some things that angered me, so I ended up giving them what they wanted. I thought they would drop it after that, but instead, they started treating me like some sort of god or something, and my ego got the better of me, so I let it continue. Even at that moment, I knew it was messed up, but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself. I just never expected them to confront her about it."

As Taehyun and Yeonjun absorbed Jake's explanation, their demeanors shifted dramatically. Taehyun stood up, seething with anger as Jake finished speaking. "You didn't think they would go after her and harass her about it? Are you seriously that fucking naive? They literally witnessed her most intimate moments, so of course, they targeted her! Unlike us, girls are constantly slut-shamed even for being even the slightest sexual!"

Taehyun practically screamed at Jake, unable to comprehend how he could have been so oblivious to the consequences his actions would have on you. Taehyun struggled to restrain himself from physically attacking Jake, his rage barely contained.

"Jesus, Jake. Taehyun is right. What the fuck were you thinking? Did you ever stop to consider Y/N? Fuck, man. Now you're going to face the repercussions of all this because you’ve really crossed the line this time." As the words of his friends echoed in his mind, Jake couldn't help but long for a chance to turn back time and undo everything.

3 days ago…

When Jake handed his unlocked phone to Eric and Jeongin so they could add their orders to the team's food delivery, he hadn't considered that they would have full access to his phone. He should have sensed trouble when he noticed them laughing loudly in the corner of the locker room. But it wasn't until he heard the sound of text notifications coming from nearby phones that he frowned, realizing the messages were from their group chat.

Reactions varied among the team. Some huddled together, laughing, while others stared at him with varying degrees of confusion, disgust, and amusement. It wasn't until Jisung approached him, asking if he had intended to send the video, that Jake's confusion deepened. Then he heard a familiar sound emanating from a nearby phone, and it dawned on him what had happened. Jake immediately stormed toward them, ready to unleash his anger for invading his privacy and sharing his private videos. But before he could even open his mouth, Jeongin beat him to the punch.

"Jesus, Jake. She doesn't even look like she's enjoying it. I mean look at you. Like this is kind of embarrassing. Clearly having a high body count means nothing by the way you’re fucking."

Jeongin and Jake had never had a good relationship, stemming from an incident during Jake's freshman year when he unknowingly slept with Jeongin's (now ex) girlfriend. Since then, Jeongin had harbored animosity toward Jake, and Jake wasn't about to let him win this time. Without thinking, he did the only thing he believed could counter Jeongin's words.

In an escalating frenzy, Jake's teammates gathered around him as he sat on one of the benches, pulling up a more recent video of the two of you having sex. The explicit video played, filling the locker room with the sound of your loud moans as you sported a fucked out expression while Jake wrapped his free hand tightly around your neck. It became evident, through the videos Jake displayed, that Jeongin had been mistaken. However, Jake hadn't considered the consequences of defending his ego. In his attempt to assert himself, he inadvertently exposed you to a vulnerable position. The initial high he experienced over the following days gradually faded as he came to terms with the gravity of his actions. Furthermore, he had forgotten about the widespread distribution of the videos. Before he could even begin to address his mistakes, it seemed that everything had already spiraled out of control.

While Jungwon had been the first to intervene between Jake and Wonyoung, it wasn't out of concern for Jake's well-being. He was actually holding Wonyoung back to prevent her from getting into trouble. He couldn't care less about Jake right now after all that had happened tonight, and he was relieved that Jake wasn't his big as this situation could have been even more devastating. Instead, he was stuck with the fool on the other side of the room, pathetically nursing his head (Jungwon was sure Sunghoon was actually crying), while Jay inspected it to ensure that Wonyoung hadn't actually scalped him. Still, he would prefer Sunghoon any day over Jake—poor Niki.

However, Jungwon had to admit that his girlfriend was quite terrifying when she was angry. His gaze drifted over to the head-shaped hole in the living room wall, a result of Sunghoon's head being smashed into it by Wonyoung. She had also kicked poor innocent Huening Kai in the stomach during her attempts to break free, and Sunoo appeared disheveled and exhausted from his own encounter with her that he narrowly escaped unscathed. Since then, Wonyoung had calmed down significantly, but everyone remained on guard as if she were a rabid dog that could unpredictably go wild again.

When Heeseung finally entered the living room after informing Yeji of the incident at the house, he took in the scene before him. It almost resembled a battlefield, with everyone tending to their wounds. In any other situation, he might have found it somewhat amusing, but right now, he had too much on his plate to find humor in it.

"Hey Wonyoung, Jungwon, and Niki, can we talk? The rest of you can go back to sleep. I'll speak with you guys in the morning," he addressed the three individuals who were present at the bar. Each of them displayed a range of emotions, with Wonyoung's anger being the most apparent on her face.

Jungwon and Niki nodded in agreement, while Wonyoung seemed unwilling to move from her spot on the couch. With some coaxing from her boyfriend, however, she reluctantly got up and followed them.

The four of them entered the kitchen for more privacy, and Heeseung let out a sigh before delivering the news. "I just spoke with Yeji, and unfortunately, due to the violence you showed towards multiple brothers tonight, AES will be banned from the house until the end of the semester. I’m sorry and I want to let you know that this isn’t at all what I wanted cause I know the reasons behind your actions, but I can’t go against the rules. We'll have time to discuss what will happen next during the break."

Wonyoung couldn't care less about the news. In fact, she was relieved that none of her sisters would have to come into contact with Jake.

"I need to talk to you three about what happened at the bar. I'll be having a more detailed conversation with Jake, but I want to know the full extent of what occurred," Heeseung's voice was stern, and it was perhaps the most serious Jungwon and Niki had ever seen their president.

"It was just three assholes who approached us while we were out and started harassing Y/N. She had no idea what they were talking about, and they assumed Jake had already shown us videos. He obviously hadn’t though so we were confused, but they were so fucking disrespectful towards her," Niki recounted, his brows furrowed and a look of disgust on his face as he recalled the degrading treatment his friend had endured.

This was exactly what Heeseung had feared, as he didn't know if any of the Epsilon Nu boys were involved in the incident. "I'll have to conduct a thorough investigation with Taehyun and Yeonjun over the next week to ensure that no one else was involved. Niki, I know you're Jake's little, and he may not have mentioned this to you, but it doesn't mean he hasn't discussed it with Jay, Sunghoon, or any of the other guys."

Wonyoung's face twisted in anger at Heeseung's words. The mere possibility that some of the EpNu boys could have been involved only fueled her diminishing fury. "Heeseung, I swear, if you find out that Jake had been showing those videos to the boys, I won't give a shit about your stupid fucking ban. I will kill them," she declared, her threat laced with genuine conviction. Wonyoung meant every word. Too many of her loved ones were connected to the boys of EpNu, and if she discovered any of them had prior knowledge of Jake's actions, she would unleash her wrath upon them without hesitation.

Heeseung understood the gravity of Wonyoung's words, knowing full well what she was capable of especially after tonight. He simply nodded silently. "It's getting late, Wonyoung. You should go back to your dorm," he sighed, rubbing his head in exasperation before he addressed her once again, this time expressing his remorse. "And I'm sorry about what Jake did to Y/N. I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. I understand why you did what you did tonight. I'm not supposed to praise you for punching Jake, and I truly am not, but I want you to know that he will face the consequences he deserves."

His words hung heavily in the air as the three of them absorbed their weight, comprehending its significance and the gravity of Jake's actions. Wonyoung locked eyes with Heeseung, scrutinizing them to ensure he wasn't lying. Satisfied with what she saw, she gave him a firm nod and finally made her way out of the house, with Jungwon following closely behind.

By the following morning, before the sun had even risen, news of the incident had spread among your sorority sisters like wildfire. Their anger surpassed any imaginable limit, prompting many of them to march down to the EpNu house, demanding to confront Jake. Unfortunately, their attempts were in vain, leaving them to seek alternative means of seeking justice for their sister.

Winter, true to her earlier threat, didn't back down. Unable to physically harm Jake, she devised a different plan to inflict pain. With the assistance of Giselle, the sorority's Vice President of Public Relations, they composed an exposé letter, which was then published on AES' public Instagram account, boasting a substantial following of 10k. The letter called out Jake by his full name and provided enough details, carefully avoiding disclosing your identity as the victim, to shed light on his actions. Its publication sparked a significant reaction within the HybeU community, with all the sisters reposting the letter. This, in turn, flooded Jake's and EpNu's social media accounts with a deluge of hate comments, reaching such an overwhelming level that they had to disable their comments section a letter of their own in response.

Monday arrived, and it came as no surprise that both you and Jake were absent from campus. Your friends managed to coax you out of bed for some breakfast, but the weight of the situation hit you hard as you tearfully picked at your pancakes. Despite the comforting hugs from your friends, the overwhelming sense of shame and regret still consumed you.

Lying on Winter's bed at the AES house, with Wonyoung across from you on her own big's bed, you felt a sense of solace in their presence. It was a natural occurrence for the four of you to hang out like this, given that your bigs were also best friends.

Winter broke the silence with a question, "Have you considered actually taking legal action?"

Honestly, amidst the chaos of dealing with the invasion of your privacy and its fallout, the idea of seeking retribution against Jake hadn't crossed your mind. While you were aware of the intense public scrutiny and the ostracization Jake was facing due to the public outing by your sorority and friends, you had barely had a moment to think about anything beyond handling the aftermath.

"No, not really," you replied, your brows furrowing in thought. "I mean, is there even anything I could report him to the police for?"

"You should, there's bound to be something they could charge him with. Like, at the very least for invasion of privacy, right?" Wonyoung's eyes widened with seriousness as she sat up from her bed, interjecting into the conversation.

Wonyoung’s big nodded in agreement with her little, "Yeah, there's definitely legal grounds for action. This whole situation is fucked up, and there's no way he should get off this easily."

You let out a sigh, feeling a headache starting to form at the mere thought of the complex legalities involved. "It's just so complicated. Plus, haven't we heard enough stories of things like this happening to girls, and even when they speak up, the police don't do anything? It's like I'd have to go through all this with no guarantee of justice at the end."

"There's no fucking way Jake's getting away with this. I mean, sure, everyone's hating on him right now, but give it time. After the break, they'll move on, and he'll be back to his normal life like he didn't just violate you. Meanwhile, you're gonna be forever stuck knowing those assholes have videos of you in your most vulnerable state. It's just not right," Winter vented, frustration evident in her tone. The idea of Jake seemingly escaping consequences fueled an indescribable anger within everyone present.

“Does the school know?” Winter’s roommate asked.

You shrugged in response, "I'm not sure, maybe? AES' post blew up, so it might've caught the attention of the administrators. But if they know anything, they haven't said anything about it."

"Okay, well then let's make sure they know. They'll be obligated to take action if you file an official complaint. We have proof and everything, so if they don't do something, the backlash will be insane," Wonyoung declared, already in action as she reached for her computer to draft the email.

"Wait, wait, wait. I'm not so sure about this," you interjected, your mind suddenly conflicted.

"What do you mean?" Winter chimed in, puzzled by your hesitation.

"I..." You hesitated, struggling to articulate the whirlwind of emotions inside you. "What if he gets like expelled?"

Wonyoung's big wore a baffled expression. "What do you mean 'if he gets expelled'? That's what he deserves! He probably deserves that and more."

The girls nodded in agreement, but your emotions were in turmoil, and you couldn't pinpoint why you weren't fully on board with delivering the harshest punishment to Jake. It felt utterly stupid; you knew you deserved justice for everythin he put you through, yet you couldn't shake the discomfort of potentially derailing his entire future.

"I don't know, I need time to think about this. I appreciate it, but give me some time," you said, offering them a tight smile that betrayed your inner turmoil. With that, you gathered your things and headed for the door. "I'll catch up with you guys later."

The rest of the day unfolded in the library, where you desperately tried to catch up on missed classes and prepare for looming finals. Yet, your grades felt like the least of your worries as your mind continuously circled back to the revenge plan your friends had suggested. The desire for retribution burned within you, but something held you back.

Frustrated and overwhelmed, you sighed heavily and rested your head on the table, closing your eyes in an attempt to alleviate the pounding headache. However, as you lay there, you couldn't ignore the faint whispering emanating from behind the bookshelves nearby.

"That's her, right?" The hushed voices reached your ears, stirring a sense of unease within you.

"Yeah, it's definitely her. I've seen her at one of those EpNu parties, always with her little clique. That sorority thinks they're hot shit, but turns out they're just dirty sluts. I mean apparently she’s been run through by most of that frat," one voice remarked, failing miserably at keeping their tone down.

Your heart sank as you realized they were talking about you, and the other voice chimed in just as indiscreetly, "I'm not surprised. I heard even before her sex tape got leaked that she had a foursome with Jake, Sunghoon, and Jay. So, it’s probably true."

A heavy lump formed in your throat as you struggled to contain the surge of emotions welling up inside you. Clenching your jaw to stifle the rising anger, you continued to lie there, desperate to hear more of their conversation. It fucking hurt, but you wanted to know what people were saying about you.

"What a fucking whore. Isn't she embarrassed? I remember crying when I didn't get asked back to AES during rush, but now I'm so glad, 'cause they're probably all like her. So much for being a ‘top house’," the voices continued, each word feeling like a dagger to your heart.

"Yeah, I’m gonna take not getting into AES as a blessing in disguise. It seems like they only go after sluts, super fucking classy. I'd be mortified if I were her parents. Did you see her trying to play the victim card? Apparently Jake's getting all the blame, but that's bullshit because she clearly played a part in making those videos," the girl's disdain dripped from her words.

"Ugh, yeah, I kind of feel sorry for him. Everyone's been treating him like shit and icing him out, but what about her? That video was disgusting; the stuff they were doing were insane, and she looked so proud of it. It's gross," the other girl chimed in, their voices laced with mockery as they burst into giggles.

Unable to bear another moment of their cruel gossip, you abruptly gathered your belongings, stuffing them into your bag, and stormed out of the library, your emotions raw and turmoil consuming your thoughts.

Was this how people saw you now? You didn't even know them, yet they felt entitled to make all sorts of assumptions about you. The weight of their cruel assumptions pressed down on you, leaving you reeling with a mix of anger and hurt. As you waited for the bus, you clenched your fists, willing yourself to hold back the tears threatening to spill. You were beyond pissed off, and any lingering hesitation about going after Jake's academic career evaporated in an instant.

The moment you stepped into your dorm, you wasted no time in grabbing your laptop, your fingers flying across the keyboard as you poured your emotions into a lengthy email to the administration.

Jake was going to fucking pay—no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Jake emerged from a private meeting with Heeseung and Yeonjun, feeling a profound sense of dissapointment and carrying a heavy burden on his shoulders. The repercussions of his actions had cast Epsilon Nu under intense scrutiny for the past few days, particularly due to the widespread awareness created by your sorority's Instagram post. The executive members of Epsilon Nu were in a frenzy, working tirelessly to address and rectify the fallout caused by Jake's behavior. It was abundantly clear to everyone involved that distancing the fraternity from Jake, at least for the time being, was not only necessary but also non-negotiable.

Fortunately for Jake, his membership as an Epsilon Nu brother hadn't been terminated, although he knew that many of the boys would probably have preferred that outcome. Heeseung explained that since the incident wasn't directly linked to the fraternity, they didn't have grounds to kick him out, but he had been placed on probation instead.

Despite the leniency shown, being an Epsilon Nu had been a source of pride for Jake so with the official announcement of his probation until the end of the school year, he felt a profound sense of loss and disorientation. The consequences he faced were still significant, as he was stripped of his participation in any EpNu coordinated events and denied the opportunity to reside at the house for the remainder of the year. Additionally, he was prohibited from wearing or engaging in anything that associated him with the fraternity during his probationary period. Still Yeonjun made sure to emphasize how lucky he was to not be kicked out and how they would allow him to live in the house until the semester ended due to it only being a couple weeks away.

He had of course anticipated some form of punishment from his fraternity, but what he hadn't expected was an email from the Dean’s Office sitting in his inbox. As he opened it and read its contents, his heart sank and what felt like panic started to creep up. He was summoned to meet with the Dean the following day to discuss his actions and the disciplinary measures the school intended to take. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on him as he contemplated the impending consequences of his actions.

While he wasn’t the exact person who had sent out the videos, there still was proof that it came from his phone. Plus, he was a willing participant in showing more content to his teammates and overall did nothing to shut any of it down. So of course, the next morning as he was sat in front of the Dean, he was sweating nervously with anxiety coursing through him at a rapid pace.

The Dean wore a stern expression and barely acknowledged Jake's entrance, engrossed in the paperwork before him. A heavy silence hung in the room until the Dean let out a loud sigh, removed his glasses, and finally locked eyes with Jake.

"Mr. Sim, we are here today due to a troubling letter I received from one of your classmates, containing serious accusations against you. Upon an investigation by the university, it has come to light that you not only played a significant role in this incident but that it has gained significant public attention. In fact, even President Bang is now aware of the situation," the Dean stated, causing Jake's anxiety to intensify. The thought of the President knowing about his actions made him feel sick.

Without offering respite, the Dean continued, "This puts the university in an extremely difficult position, as it highlights our failure to protect our students. Consequently, certain actions need to be taken regarding your standing here. After thorough deliberation, the council and I have decided to place you on probation. This means you can continue attending classes but will be suspended from all other activities. I have already been made aware of your current status from your fraternity and must inform you that you will also be suspended from the soccer team until the next season. Your probation period will extend until the next academic year. Any further policy violations may result in suspension or even expulsion. Additionally, this disciplinary action will be recorded on your academic record, which may impact your future pursuits. While you have the right to appeal this decision, Mr. Sim, I must emphasize that the evidence against you is substantial, casting doubt on the success of your appeal."

Being a student at Hybe University had been Jake's lifelong dream, and now he found himself in a position that he never could have imagined himself in. The consequences he faced far exceeded anything he had ever imagined. He had risked everything for the mere approval of his teammates (ones that he honestly didn’t even care that much about), and the realization left him feeling utterly devastated.

"I should also mention that we have received additional information from one of your teammates who was present at the incident, providing details about other individuals involved. They too will face consequences for their actions. Know that we are taking this matter extremely seriously. By winter break, your parents alongside Y/N’s will be sent a letter fully disclosing everything that I discussed with you today to ensure that they are made aware of your status along with everything else. That will be all, and I expect to see you again at the end of your probation period." The Dean seemed unwilling to entertain any further discussion, promptly escorting Jake out after delivering the news.

Feeling numb and overwhelmed, Jake struggled to comprehend the gravity of his situation as he made his way back to the house. It was a profound realization that not only was he in disfavor with the school, but he had also lost his position as a soccer player. A series of poor choices had completely upended his life. While he understood that he would still be able to attend classes and, once his probation period ended, could potentially return to his fraternity and the soccer team, he couldn't shake the feeling that things would never be the same. The possibility of holding a leadership position within Epsilon Nu now seemed out of reach, and the dream of becoming team captain had evaporated.

Amidst all the turmoil, Jake was also dealing with the dread of having to return back to the EpNu house. However, he had no other options; it was the only place he could go. What was once a sanctuary now felt like a confining prison he was compelled to enter.

Since Friday night, Jake had been met with glares and stony silence. He was only spoken to when necessary, and his presence seemed an unwelcomed one. Some of the guys didn't hesitate to voice their opinions and disgust towards him, while others acted as if he didn't exist at all. He wasn't sure which was worse. It hurt, but he knew he had brought it upon himself. He had no right to expect sympathy from his brothers after what he had done.

Jay had resorted to crashing in different rooms, avoiding any proximity with Jake while Sunghoon (who had been concussed during Wonyoung's attack) was outright ignoring him. Even Niki, who used to stick by his side everywhere, was distancing himself and seeking solace in the company of other fraternity members. Jake couldn't blame them; he knew a simple apology wouldn't solve anything this time. The Epsilon Nu boys were rightfully bitter and upset. They now had to face the wrath of the rest of the student body for their association with Jake, and they knew rebuilding their reputation would be an uphill battle.

Despite the circumstances, the EpNu boys stood by your side. While they knew Jake's actions weren't their responsibility, they continued to show their remorse through various gestures. When you returned back to your dorm, you were greeted with an abundance of flowers and baskets filled with your favorite treats, all signed by Epsilon Nu. Yeji had mentioned that the flowers had also been sent to the house as well. Some of Jake's closest friends, such as Niki, Sunghoon, Jay, and even Heeseung, even personally approached you to express their apologies and accompanied you to your classes to make sure you weren’t being harassed by anyone. However, while you appreciated their efforts, you knew that nothing could erase the pain you still felt.

"Jesus, this morning I even woke up to Jay screaming because Taehyun apparently stepped on him while trying to go to the bathroom! I mean, what did he expect from sleeping on the floor?" Beomgyu ranted about the changed dynamics within the EpNu house since Jake's probation was revealed. Jay had been avoiding Jake by crashing in either Beomgyu and Taehyun's room or Sunghoon's every night.

With finals week approaching, you finally decided to take up Beomgyu's offer to study together. It was quite different from your study sessions with Jake, where you would mostly study in silence and occasionally seek help from each other. Instead, you and Beomgyu seemed to prioritize chatting with your textbooks mostly on the back burner. Since the whole STD incident, you had actually become quite good friends with Beomgyu. He was kind and funny not to mention quite easy on the eyes so his presence in your life was a welcomed change. He was also one of the first to reach out to you, expressing his disgust at what Jake had done and trying to cheer you up.

"Poor Jay, at this point, wouldn't it be best to just kick Jake out of the house? I mean, he won't even be living there when January rolls around." You were fully aware of Jake's status with his fraternity and the school, and while you should technically be happy with his punishment, the anticipated joy never surfaced. Instead, you were still engulfed in feelings of betrayal and hurt.

"That's exactly what I'm saying! None of us want him around, and the whole vibe in the house is fucked up now. I mean he’s probably going to fail all his classes cause he doesn't even seem to be attending any so he might as well just move back home." Beomgyu's eyes sparked with frustration as he voiced his concerns. Although he had already been on shaky terms with Jake, even after his apology, Beomgyu now believed that their relationship had an extremely slim chance of returning to how it was at the beginning of the year.

"Ugh, I'm so sorry, Beomgyu. It's terrible that all of you guys have to deal with this." You genuinely empathized with the boys. While you had been the main victim in Jake's actions, there was no denying that everyone around him had also been affected.

As soon as Beomgyu heard your words, he quickly shook his head in disagreement. "Y/N, I told you it's not your fault! Seriously, stop blaming yourself for this." You knew he was right, but despite that, tears welled up in your eyes, and you realized that the guilt you felt wouldn't disappear anytime soon.

In the bustling atmosphere of the cafe, you sniffled and looked down at your lap, hoping to stop the tears. However, Beomgyu reached out and gently took your hand in his, causing you to look back up at him. "I know you've been saying that you're doing a bit better now, but I can't imagine it being that easy. This isn't something you can just get over in an instant. You've known him your whole life, and I know your relationship was rough. But that doesn't mean the pain will be any less."

A tear escaped as it streamed down your face while you absorbed his words. He was right—things weren't okay, and the journey to healing would be long and challenging. But you had no choice but to move forward.

"I know you're closer to Wonyoung and Winter, and you have the support of your other sisters, but I genuinely mean it when I say that I'm here for you. Plus, it seems like your skills in physics are even worse than I thought, so I'm sure you'll need my help." True to Beomgyu's nature, he effortlessly made you burst into laughter amidst your tears. You knew this was his way of trying to cheer you up and it was working.

"Thank you, seriously." You expressed your gratitude sincerely, sharing a smile with him. His words, even if only a little, warmed your heart.

The rest of your study session went as before, with both of you laughing and attempting to get some work done. The joyful mood continued even as Beomgyu walked you back to your dorm after deciding to call it a day. However, the moment you reached the steps of your dorm, the atmosphere quickly changed.

From a distance, you could see a figure sitting at the bottom of the stairs leading to the entrance. As you approached, your anxiety grew, and you realized who it was.

"Oh, fuck no." Beomgyu seemed equally unamused by the unexpected encounter. Jake looked up as he heard footsteps approaching.

Immediately, Beomgyu stepped in front of you, attempting to shield you from Jake. Though partially blocked, you caught a glimpse of him. While you couldn't recall exactly how he looked the last time you saw him, you knew for sure that he didn't look nearly as bad as he did now. You almost couldn’t recognize him as his usual smirk and playful glimmer in his eyes were now no longer able to be found and instead replaced with sunken features that made him look as if he hadn’t slept for days.

"Hey, guys..." Jake didn't know what else to say. He hadn't expected to see Beomgyu with you, and he instantly knew that talking to you seemed even more impossible.

He took a step forward but was quickly stopped as Beomgyu pushed him back with his free hand while still holding you protectively behind him. "What the actual fuck do you think you're doing here?"

Even from behind, you could sense Beomgyu's anger vibrating in his voice. You, too, felt shaken, but for different reasons. Panic was creeping in, now familiar friends of yours since you were sure they seemed to be visiting you more frequently since the discovery of the leaked videos.

"Y/N..." Jake's voice called out your name, and you felt nauseous.

"No, seriously, dude, what the fuck are you doing here? Are you that fucking stupid? Do you think it's okay to just show up here and what? Ambush her into talking to you? Haven't you already done enough?" Beomgyu yelled angrily at Jake.

"Please, just let me talk to her." Jake's voice softened in contrast to Beomgyu's, and he sounded almost desperate. He knew coming here might not have been the wisest decision, but he didn't know what else to do.

By now, you were nearly dissociating from reality, trying to control your breathing, but it felt futile. You realized you would have to face him at some point, but you didn't expect it to be so soon. You felt blindsided and unprepared.

"Jesus Christ, Jake, leave her alone! She doesn't want to talk to you, and the least you can do is respect her wishes." Beomgyu felt on the brink of losing control, restraining himself from confronting Jake physically. Seeing him at the EpNu house was one thing but seeing him here seemed to have ignited something in Beomgyu.

"Fuck, Y/N, please. I'm sorry, please." Jake was on the verge of tears, desperately trying to convey his words to you while Beomgyu continued to push him away. Couldn’t he understand? You couldn't bear it any longer.

"Go away, please." Your voice was soft and broken as tears streamed down your face. You just wished for anything to happen, anything to help you escape this nightmare of a reality you were experiencing.

Your voice sounded weak, almost shattered, as Jake heard you softly crying. It felt as though his heart was breaking under the weight of a thousand pounds, and he wished he could vanish. At that moment, Jake realized he had committed the most heinous act, not only against anyone but against the girl he loved.

Fortunately, before the situation could escalate further, your RA, Renjun, intervened after hearing the commotion from inside the dorm lobby. Upon seeing Jake, he threatened to call campus security, prompting Jake to dejectedly retreat back to the house with one last glance in your direction.

In a state of panic, you were quickly ushered into your room, where Wonyoung sprang into action, doing her best to tend to you. Without the chance to bid Beomgyu goodbye or express gratitude to Renjun, who was currently contacting campus security to request increased dorm security, you collapsed onto your bed, completely drained from the overwhelming emotions coursing through your body.

Jake seemed to have complied with your wishes since that night, as you hadn't heard a single peep from him for the next couple of weeks until school ended. He even skipped the mandatory Relationship 101 class, but honestly, you couldn't care less about whether he passed or not. You were just relieved that your project was completed before everything unraveled. In truth, you were excited that the semester had finally ended and you could escape this toxic environment and go back home. It was disheartening to witness the campus you once adored being tarnished by Jake's actions, which had caused you immense anxiety. This break was much needed.

However, amidst the chaos of managing school, rebuilding your reputation, and working through the emotional aftermath of the incident, you had completely forgotten about how your parents would react when you returned home. It was naive of you to assume they wouldn't find out about what had happened given the scale of the situation. Now, here you were, confronted by your family's intense outrage, more specifically your father’s.

"To think that we raised our daughters alongside that bastard disgusts me! How many times have we welcomed the Sims into our home? I can't understand how you're staying so calm about this. He violated our baby! I can't handle this; I'm going over there right now to make sure he knows he will not get away with this and we will be pressing charges!" Currently, your entire family was trying to restrain your father from actually committing murder on an unsuspecting Jake, who lived just a few blocks away.

"Dad, no! Oh my god, stop!" You shouted at him, joining your sisters and mother in their desperate attempts to prevent him from leaving the house. This level of anger was uncharacteristic of your usually even-tempered father, but you understood why he was so furious. After all, Jake had harmed his precious daughter, not to mention the youngest.

"Dad, please, let's think this through first!" Your eldest sister, Jennie, usually level-headed, firmly pleaded. While everyone in your family had every right to be angry, resorting to violence wouldn't solve anything—it would only escalate the situation.

"Honey, listen to the girls, please. The school has already informed us about the actions they're taking against him. He won't get away with it. I'm furious too, I mean he’s the son of one of my best friends, but acting out won't help Y/N. Let's take a moment to calm down before we discuss this further," your mother, though seething with anger, managed to handle the situation better than your father.

"But that's not enough! I mean I can’t even imagine the extent of humiliation the boy put our daughter through!" Flames still flickered in your father's eyes as he yelled out, but his body came to a halt, no longer headed for the front door.

"Mom's right, Dad. Having your photo splashed all over the news because you ended up murdering Jake won't help Y/N at all," Rosé’s words seemed to finally resonate with your father, causing him to turn back towards the living room. He let out a deep sigh of frustration before taking a moment to collect himself. Clearly, he was still angry, but he knew that his rash actions would do nothing but more harm to your already delicate situation.

You could see right through your father; it was evident how utterly heartbroken he was beneath all the rage. He couldn't help but direct some of his anger towards himself for not being able to protect his baby girl. With gentle steps, you approached your father, who was hunched over on the couch. You knew that no words could alleviate his suffering, so you simply embraced him in a tight hug, offering a silent gesture of comfort and support.

Thanks to Jake, it felt like he had even managed to rob you of your winter break, the one thing you had hoped would provide a sense of normalcy. Since the first day back, your family had been making an effort to avoid bringing up anything that would make you uncomfortable while still trying to maintain the holiday spirit you were all too familiar with, but something felt off. Despite your parents' repeated emphasis that none of this was your fault, you couldn't help but still feel an overwhelming sense of shame, especially now that they were aware of the relationship you had with Jake and the extent of what you had allowed him to do to you. It was already embarrassing enough that your parents knew about your sex life, but to have them informed by the school about the sex tapes you had made with their best friend's child added a whole new level of humiliation.

As expected, the usual Christmas dinner between your family and Jake's family wasn't happening this year. It was clear that the incident had strained the relationship your mother had with his, causing a noticeable rift between them. While Jake's family had expressed sincere apologies for their son's actions, you knew that rebuilding the close bond they once had would be a difficult task for everyone involved.

However, what truly caused you the most internal struggle was the conflicting feelings you seemed to have toward Jake. Yes, you were still undeniably angry and upset with him, but a small part of you kept nagging at the back of your mind, making you think about him. The image of his absolutely worn-down look during your last encounter haunted you. It was a side of Jake you had never seen before – so broken and vulnerable, and it bothered you. Was he genuinely feeling guilt for everything he caused you to go through, or was it just a facade to deal with the consequences of his actions? You berated yourself for even having these thoughts, but they were hard to ignore.

Despite not considering each other friends, the progress made in your relationship during the semester had surprised you. The glimpses of a different side to Jake had almost made you proud of the changes the two of you were seemingly making. So, to witness everything crumble away was painful. It seemed as though, against your better judgment, you had developed some level of care for Jake, and amid all the pain you were going through, you couldn't help but wonder about him.

The internal turmoil left you questioning your own sanity. How could you find any compassion for someone who had caused you so much harm? It was a maddening contradiction that seemed to defy all logic.

The only time you felt fully comfortable confronting these thoughts was during your daily walks with your dog to the park near your house. Unlike everyone else in your life, Lady (your absolute sweetie pie 5-year-old cocker spaniel) not only held no judgment in her eyes and was the best listener, but she also knew the best way to comfort your conflicted heart: cuddles.

"I know you're probably sick of hearing me saying this, but it's just so hard for me to really understand what's going on." You let out a huge sigh that caused Lady to look back at you with eyes that conveyed concern. But before you could continue your rant, Lady seemed to be taken by something as her head whipped around, and she barked loudly.

A fluffy ball of fur could be seen barreling through the playground, and you started to recognize what was heading your way. It seemed as though Lady was quite aware too, as before you could even register what was happening, you found yourself being dragged across the playground where you were currently swinging, all thanks to your dog. You were all too familiar with the Sim's family dog, Layla, who seemed to have spotted you earlier and escaped from her owner. You hadn't seen her in a while, but she seemed extremely elated to be in your presence, immediately rolling on her back, hinting at you to rub her belly. Lady, too, was overjoyed to see her friend, barking and jumping around in excitement.

"Fuck, Layla, come back! Jesus, you can't just—" You heard his voice before you saw him, and Jake seemed much too preoccupied with getting his dog back to realize who Layla was running towards. His wide eyes and frozen state at your presence were a huge contrast to how he was back at your dorm when you last saw him.

"Shit, Y/N…" He muttered out before failing to find the rest of his words. His face flushed red, seemingly utterly confused about how to approach the situation. Clearly, neither of your dogs seemed to sense the distress coming off from their owners as they happily played with each other.

Unlike before, the feeling of panic and overwhelming anxiety seemed to be less present, replaced by a profound sense of confusion. Yes, initial anger surged within you upon seeing him, but there was also a part of you that wanted to take him in, to understand him. Dressed in a dark hoodie and sweatpants, he appeared disheveled, as if he had just rolled out of bed. The darkness that clouded his face persisted despite the sunny weather, and it was evident that he hadn't made much progress since before.

"I'm so sorry about Layla. She just darted out of nowhere. I guess she spotted you with Lady and got excited." As he mentioned her name, Lady finally seemed to recognize his presence, instantly wagging her tail and nudging his leg, seeking affection. "Um, seriously, I'm so sorry about her. I-I'll just go."

However, before you could fully comprehend your own actions, you found yourself shaking your head. "Wait!" His eyes widened in surprise.

"Jake, hold on. Can we talk?" You weren't sure where this sudden urge came from, but you knew that earlier you weren't ready to face Jake. Now, however, you felt more prepared. You needed this. It was the least he owed you.

He appeared taken aback by your request, but after a moment of hesitation, he nodded. "Yeah, of course."

Your assumptions about his situation seemed to be accurate, as he was clearly not doing well. His parents were on the verge of kicking him out, unable to comprehend that their son was behind all of this, and his relationship with his brother was strained, with minimal communication between them. Moreover, he had failed almost all of his classes, save for one, and it appeared that his former friends had distanced themselves from him, not wanting to be associated with him. While a few of his teammates were still willing to hang out with him, he personally didn't want to be involved with them, knowing they were also complicit in what had happened. It was evident that his once highly regarded status and reputation were now completely shattered.

His depression had reached an all-time low, and the idea of taking a break from school and not having to return back in a couple of weeks was incredibly tempting. After all, what was the point of resuming when he already had to take extra time to graduate due to his failing grades? However, he knew deep down that this decision wouldn't help repair his already strained relationship with his parents. Despite all this, as he spent his days moping around in bed, only one thing consumed his thoughts—you.

It was ironic how the person he had always seemed to despise was now dominating his mind but for entirely different reasons. Although it might be difficult to believe this sudden shift in his feelings towards you, Jake had come to a profound realization that his previous hatred had merely served as a facade for his true emotions. It had taken a long time for him to become aware of them, but now he was somehow enlightened. Jake wasn't entirely certain if what he felt could be called love or if it was perhaps a form of obsession, but one thing he was certain of was that the feelings he harbored for you were genuine. He found himself missing your smile, the scent of your perfume, and even the snarky quips you directed his way.

Now, he understood why the saying "you never know what you have until it's gone" was so widely accepted, especially as he sat next to you on the swings. Every aspect of you captivated him, and he made a conscious effort to absorb every bit of you, unsure if this might be the last time he would have the opportunity to see you. You were utterly beautiful, and the mere thought of not being able to call you his brought tears to his eyes.

"I know my apology means very little to you, and it won't undo any of the damage I've caused, but I need to say it—I'm sorry." His words were sincere, and while he had been right that they wouldn’t erase the pain or fix anything, you had still been yearning to hear them directly from him.

You let out a sigh. "I just need to understand why. It’s no secret that we’ve never really been fond of each other, but I thought we were making progress. Have you really been hating me that much all this time?" Despite the joyful sounds of your dogs playing happily nearby, the atmosphere between you and Jake couldn't have been more different.

This question about his true feelings towards you had been haunting you at the core. If someone else had been responsible for the hurt you experienced, it would still be painful, but it somehow hurt more deeply when you realized it was Jake behind it all. You had known him your entire life, grown up together, and despite the ups and downs of your relationship, you took a chance trusting him with your most vulnerable self. For him to exploit that trust in such a cruel way felt like an unbearable betrayal.

"To be honest, I'm still grappling with that myself. As much as I want to deny it, the truth is that my stupid pride was at play when Jeongin was egging me on. At that moment, I prioritized my own ego and how I would appear in front of a group of guys I couldn't care less about. Y/N, I don't hate you. I don't think I ever truly did and in fact, I think it’s actually always been the opposite. I'm sorry." His confession made you frown, unable to immediately process what he was saying.

"Wait, what? Jake, you've spent most of our lives convincing me that you hated me. You can't just tell me now that you never actually hated me. I reciprocated those feelings because I believed it was mutual. If that wasn't the truth, then why did you torment me all this time?" The idea that Jake had never truly hated you should have brought some relief, but instead, it only added to your frustration.

"Damn it, I don't know. Deep down, I always knew I was in the wrong when we were kids and I cheated on you. I deserved that push off the monkey bars. But my pride got in the way, and it was easier for me to blame you than to admit my own faults. So, I continued messing with you, making you believe I hated you, rather than facing the truth. And now I realize how much I've lost. You were my best friend until that point, and I loved you. Losing you because of my foolish mistake was difficult to accept. And now, it seems we're in a similar situation. We were doing so well and I was starting to really fucking like you until I went and fucked it up again." Tears welled up in his eyes as he finally revealed the underlying reasons behind his actions.

He was sincere, and his guilt was evident, but you couldn't shake off the feeling of being upset. Growing up, girls were often told that if a boy picked on them, it was because they liked them, but that notion never sat well with you. Harassing someone you liked wasn't a display of love, and Jake's admission that he had perpetuated such a toxic stereotype only added to your disappointment. He could have chosen a different approach to express his true feelings, but instead, he resorted to hate, making you feel sorry for your younger self. While you were willing to participate in getting back at him, it was a result of your genuine upset and negative emotions towards his actions. If he had simply revealed that he was sorry and missed being friends with you, you would have readily welcomed him back into your life.

"Jake..." Your voice trailed off, struggling to find the right words as a surge of emotions overwhelmed you. "I don't think I can talk to you right now. I just need some time." Swiftly, you turned away from him and headed towards where Lady and Layla were joyfully playing. However, before you could get far, you heard his pleas and felt his hands grasp your wrist.

Jake desperately clutched on to your wrist, abandoning any pretense of holding back his tears as he begged. "Please, Y/N. I don't expect you to forgive me, because you don't owe me anything, especially cause of everything I’ve done to you but..."

You waited for him to finish his sentence, but his thoughts seemed jumbled and incomplete, prompting a sigh from you. "But what, Jake? I need time to process all of this. You've dropped a bombshell on me on top of everything you already put me through, and I can't easily understand or accept everything."

"You can take all the time you need, I beg you," he pleaded, cradling your hand and looking at you with desperation in his eyes. "I’ll do anything. I just can't bear to lose you again."

"Well, maybe you should have considered that before then."

The winter break inched by painfully slow, leaving nothing memorable in its wake since your unexpected encounter with Jake at the park. Days melded into each other until school sneaked back into session, disrupting the monotony.

Jake continued spending the rest of his break under his covers, in a depressive state. While he honestly should be more worried about his future at HybeU as his GPA had plummeted and he was looking to take an extra year to graduate, but the only thing he could think about was you. Every waking moment he spent mulling over you and your tears and the way your eyes gazed at him in betrayal. You, who he’d spent most of his life convincing himself that he hated when he knew that wasn’t true. It was his fault that he lost you when you were younger and now again when given the golden opportunity to win you back, he fucked it up again.

The decision of whether to return for the second semester hung over Jake until the day before school started when he reluctantly opted to go back in hopes of avoiding driving a further wedge between him and his parents. But now, regret gnawed at him for not taking time off, leaving him wallowing in a sea of misery.

The first week of classes turned out to be far worse than he had anticipated. His motivation dwindled, and the simple act of attending felt like a burdensome chore. No one acknowledged him, a stark contrast to the earlier days of the school year when greetings were abundant from those he passed. Even the professors seemed to have caught wind of it, their expressions carrying a tinge of disappointment. The constant scrutiny and sudden isolation became overwhelming, especially now that he resided alone, separated from the familiarity of the EpNu house he had grown accustomed to.

He caught sight of Sunghoon and Jay at the library the other day, messing around just like they always used to, making the librarian frown with their loud banter and laughter. Instantly, a wave of overwhelming upset crashed over him, compelling him to turn around and head straight back home. It felt like everyone else had moved on, leaving him adrift.

The only ones who seemed to make an effort were a few guys from the soccer team facing similar consequences. But he found himself pushing away their attempts to connect, stewing in a mix of anger and resentment. While he knew his actions were at fault, part of him blamed them for provoking him into hurting you.

Meanwhile, your night on the other hand was taking a completely different turn from Jake's scene, with you slamming down your sixth shot and pulling a face at the vodka's harshness, quickly chasing it with cranberry juice.

“Shit! That’s so gross ugh,” you grimaced as you chased the vodka with the cranberry juice you held in your other hand.

"Ugh, vodka’s always the worst," Ningning grimaced, grabbing your drink and downing it herself to mask the taste.

It was formal season, and this year, Epsilon Nu had gone all out, choosing New Orleans for the grand celebration. You were surrounded by many of your sisters (EpNu had patched things up with AES to a certain extent, especially after Jake’s suspension and once it became clear that none of the boys were involved in anything), all glammed up to the max. The city was alive, music blasting from the bar, adding to the thrilling chaos of the night—an ideal distraction.

"Fuck, Ningning, seriously, that dress was made for you! Jay better be all over you later at the hotel," you slurred, planting a tipsy kiss on her cheek.

She blushed, about to reply when someone crashed into you, their perfume giving away their identity.

"Wonyoung, seriously, stop it!" Jungwon's voice frantically followed, trying to separate her from you.

Well past midnight, it was evident that everyone was thoroughly intoxicated. But honestly, who could blame you? You were surrounded by some of your closest friends in a city known for its entertainment, far removed from Jake's world on campus. It felt like the first time in forever that genuine laughter filled the air, finally allowing you to escape thoughts of him.

"Been searching all over for you! Ugh Y/N, you can’t just leave me like that!" Jungwon struggled to peel his girlfriend away from you, but you didn’t mind her clinging.

"Ningning and I have been right here the whole time! You clearly didn't look hard enough," you giggled, feeling the warmth from one too many drinks.

Your feet were throbbing in the stilettos you had on, and your body felt damp from the sweat of dancing and the drink you accidentally spilled earlier (thank goodness for the black dress). You knew your makeup was probably smudged, no longer as flawless as it had been for those pre-party photos. Your ears were practically ringing from the deafening noise of the bar and you were already dreading the miserable bus ride back home tomorrow, but honestly, in this high you were feeling right now, you couldn't care less.

“Where’s Beomgyu hyung?” Jungwon asked which made you realize that you’d lost your date.

The party beads around your neck jingled softly as you whipped your head around, scanning the crowded space. Failing to spot him, a slight pout formed on your lips. "I don't know, I think I lost him. I'm gonna go find him," you declared, pushing yourself away from Wonyoung and heading away from the bar before protests from your friends could be heard.

Finding him in this crowd, especially in your tipsy state amid similarly dressed people, turned out to be quite the challenge. But then, as you glanced towards a dimly lit corner off to the side, your eyes widened in realization. There he was—Beomgyu, engaged in conversation with Sunghoon, Jay, and Yeonjun, oblivious to your presence. As you approached them, amid the bar's clamor, you could pick up on snippets of their conversation.

"He looked absolutely miserable, like I almost didn't recognize him," Sunghoon's voice pierced through the noise.

You frowned as you inched closer to them, careful not to reveal yourself yet eager to hear more of their conversation.

"Yeah, I've heard a few people mentioning how he hardly shows up to class anymore, and I don't even know if he has any friends left. Wouldn't surprise me if he didn't," Yeonjun remarked nonchalantly, taking a sip from his cup which you were sure was filled with some kind of alcohol.

"Well fuck him. He brought this all on himself and deserves it, and now he's probably just wallowing in self-pity," Beomgyu's disdain dripped from his words as he rolled his eyes. To him, Jake was nothing but a sorry excuse for a human being, and he couldn't help but feel angry that he had once considered him a brother.

"Yeah, he deserves everything he's getting, but you guys don't get it. He looked awful," Jay interjected, acknowledging Beomgyu's sentiments while also sharing his own observations from his and Sunghoon’s encounter with Jake at the library.

Sunghoon nodded in agreement, his expression troubled. "We're not trying to excuse his actions, but you should've seen him. It was beyond concerning, like he hadn't slept or eaten in weeks. He used to be our best friend, so yeah, we're fucking furious with him, but we can't help but feel a little worried."

"No, I can't believe this," Beomgyu shook his head in disbelief at Jay and Sunghoon's concern for Jake. "I don't know if you guys realize, but he ruined Y/N. She went through hell, and even though she might seem okay now, it's all an act. The things people are still saying about her are fucking insane. Winter and I practically had to drag her onto the bus to get here because we felt like we needed to do something to lift her spirits."

Yeonjun scoffed in annoyance, joining the conversation. "Yeah, you guys need to realize that while Jake may be struggling, it's nothing compared to what Y/N went through. Don't fucking bring this up again, at least not until we're back on campus."

And with that, Beomgyu stormed off, followed by Yeonjun while Sunghoon and Jay exchanged weary sighs, shaking their heads in resignation. The effects of alcohol seemed to evaporate from your system as their conversation sank in, leaving you painfully sober.

You should have been rejoicing in Jake's suffering, but instead, a sickening taste lingered in your mouth, refusing to dissipate throughout the rest of the night. Even as you returned to your hotel room, the intensity of your thoughts about Jake seemed to amplify. While Beomgyu softly snored beside you, you laid still on the bed, unable to escape the swirling whirlwind of emotions the thought of him had stirred within you.

This feeling didn’t seem to leave you as the bus ride back to school was filled with laughter and chatter, but even then, Jake continued to haunt the recesses of your mind. You felt guilty for allowing yourself to harbor such conflicted thoughts about him. How could you feel sympathy for the man who had shattered you in the worst possible way? Yet, shamefully, his presence persisted in your thoughts, a constant reminder of the turmoil he had inflicted upon you.

"What's up with you?" Wonyoung's voice pierced through your thoughts, jolting you back to reality.

You quickly shook your head, trying to brush off her concern. "Nothing, what do you mean?"

But Wonyoung wasn't buying it. "Stop lying. I know you better than anyone, and I can tell something's been bothering you ever since formal. So, what's going on?"

You hesitated, debating whether to confide in her. Wonyoung was your best friend, but you feared her reaction to your shameful empathy towards Jake. She wouldn't understand. "Seriously, I'm fine. Don't worry about it," you insisted, hoping to brush off the conversation.

Her frown deepened, and you knew she wouldn't let it go. "Y/N, I'm serious. What's going on? I promise I won't judge; just talk to me."

With a heavy sigh, you relented, knowing her stubborn nature wouldn’t leave you alone till you told her. "Okay, fine. But you have to swear not to get mad or make me feel worse about it, because I already feel terrible," you requested, seeking her assurance. She nodded, prompting you to continue.

"During formal, I overheard a couple of the EpNu boys talking about Jake. They saw him at the library, and apparently, he looked really rough," you began, sensing Wonyoung's urge to interject but you gave her a warning look to let you finish. "Like, he apparently looked so bad that they barely recognized him, and he seemed like he hadn't slept or eaten in weeks. He already looked bad enough the last time I saw him, so I can’t even imagine what he probably looks like right now. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm worried, and I can't stop thinking about it, especially considering all the stuff he said when we ran into each other at the playground. I really-"

Wonyoung's reaction cut you off abruptly. "Wait, what do you mean you saw him at the playground? You didn't mention this! When was this? Are you okay?"

You cursed inwardly, realizing you hadn't shared this with anyone and hadn't really planned on doing so. "Shit, I forgot to tell you. I'm sorry," you apologized, offering her a sincere look before continuing, "We just ran into each other at one of the nearby parks during the break while walking our dogs. He wanted to talk, so I listened. He started apologizing, and then he started revealing things, like how he never actually hated me when we were younger and actually liked me. It was overwhelming, so I walked away, and I haven't seen him since."

Wonyoung's mouth hung open in shock. "And you forgot to mention this? Oh my fucking God, this is insane. He's actually fucking crazy, isn't he? Does he think confessing to you after what he did is going to fix anything? You're not buying into this, are you?"

"No, of course not," you asserted, your voice wavering with emotion. "Well, actually, he did seem genuine about being sorry and liking me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to forgive him. I swear I'm not. But the thing is, I can't stop thinking about him. Wonyoung, I don't think you understand. I fucking hate myself right now because all I can think about is him. I hate him so much for what he did to me, but why am I feeling this way?" Tears welled up in your eyes as you finally let out the pent-up emotions, laying bare your inner turmoil to her.

"Oh, honey," Wonyoung's face softened as she rose from her seat and approached you, enveloping you in a comforting hug as you sobbed into her embrace. "You're right, I have no idea what you're going through, and I fucking hate Jake so much for hurting my best friend in the worst way possible. But I also can't ignore the fact that you just admitted how you can't stop thinking about him."

There was a brief pause before she sighed and gently broke the hug, facing you with a serious expression. "Y/N, do you maybe like Jake?"

Her question caught you completely off guard, and a baffled look crossed your face as you almost jerked in surprise. "What?"

You started to shake your head, but she quickly interjected before you could even deny. "Y/N, just listen. I know this might sound insane, but have you considered that maybe you're experiencing this immense guilt and can't stop thinking about him because you have feelings for him?"

The moment Wonyoung uttered those words, panic surged through you like a tidal wave, causing your breathing to quicken as you vehemently shook your head in denial. There was no way.

"No, what the actual fuck, Wonyoung," you choked out, tears welling up in your eyes as you rose from your seat, needing to put distance between yourself and her. "Why would you even suggest that?"

Wonyoung could see you on the verge of hyperventilating, and she reached out to try to calm you down. "Hey, hey, Y/N, come on, sit down, please," she urged gently. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to upset you. I just think that you're going through so much right now, and from what you just told me, you're conflicted and in a really difficult place. We don't choose who we love, and I think it's weighing heavily on you right now, maybe that's what happened with Jake. He's put you through so much, not just this year, but practically your whole life, and maybe coming to terms with that despite everything, you still fell for him, is creating this guilt within you. It's not your fault, and for fuck's sake, Jake would be the last person I would choose for you to love, because he will never deserve someone like you. But I'm not in charge of that, and I'm so sorry."

In that moment, you broke down completely, your sobs wracking your body as you clung to your friend, desperate for some semblance of solace. Deep down, you knew she was right. You'd been grappling with these feelings for Jake for longer than you cared to admit, and the realization terrified you. You despised yourself for loving him.

"Wonyoung... What do I do?" you whimpered softly, your voice tinged with fear.

"I don't know, Y/N," Wonyoung replied gently, her own voice filled with empathy. "But I promise you're not alone. We'll get through this together."

You hadn't set foot in any of the downtown bars since that night when you learned about what Jake had done after being harassed by those guys. The thought of returning made you uncomfortable, yet on this Saturday night, with seemingly everyone in your friend group going out, you decided to push yourself to socialize, to reclaim some sense of normalcy in the chaos of your year. However, it quickly became evident that your judgment wasn’t the soundest; you were already feeling miserable, and it wasn't even midnight.

You had arrived with Winter and Ningning, meeting their boyfriends at the bar. But as the night wore on, you lost track of them. Winter was beyond drunk, likely off somewhere making out with Felix, while Ningning and Jay were lost in their own world on the dance floor. Unlike their blissfully intoxicated selves, you felt painfully sober. You longed for Wonyoung's presence; she was away for the weekend with Jungwon visiting his parents, and you regretted accepting the invitation to go out.

Sighing, unable to immerse yourself in the same mood as your friends, you downed the shot of tequila in front of you before gathering your stuff and making your way to the exit. You made sure to send Winter a text, explaining that you weren't feeling well and were heading home, urging her to enjoy herself and not to worry. Just as you were about to summon an Uber though, an unfamiliar voice called out your name, halting you in your tracks.

At first, the voice seemed like a distant echo, easily dismissed amidst the clamor of the bar. But when it persisted, calling your name again, you couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Hey, Y/N!"

Turning abruptly, you were met with a face that you really didn’t ever want to see. He was obviously in a very intoxicated state; his words slurred, and his movements unsteady as he stumbled toward you.

"Hey, where're you going so fast? Have somewhere to be?" he asked, a grin spreading across his face as if you were close friends.

"Fuck off Jeongin." You curtly spat at him as you attempted to walk away.

He scoffed, his laughter tinged with bitterness. "Jesus Christ, Y/N, is that all you got to say to me after getting me fucking suspended?"

His words sent a chill down your spine, and you whipped your head around to address him. "I don’t know what you’re talking about because I didn’t do anything to get you suspended, but seriously, leave me alone," you angrily told him. As you attempted to walk away once more, you felt his hand reach out and harshly grab your wrist.

"Where the fuck do you think you’re going?" His tone turned menacing, the overpowering scent of alcohol made you grimace. "Aren’t you cute trying to act like you have no idea what you’ve done?"

His grip tightened on your wrist, sending waves of pain shooting through your arm as you struggled to break free. Panic surged within you as you realized he wasn't going to let you leave. "Let go of me! I have no idea what you're talking about. If anything, you’re the one who did this to me!"

"Listen here you bitch, because of your stupid little act of trying to paint yourself as some poor little victim, my fucking future is ruined. So this little act of you trying to act like you have no idea what I’m talking about isn’t going to cut it. You’re going to fucking pay, it’s the least you deserve,” he snarled, his grip on your wrist tightening as he dragged you out of the bar. You fought back, but his anger seemed to fuel his strength.

“You’re fucking hurting me! Seriously let me go you asshole!” you pleaded, your voice trembling with fear as you struck his arm.

“If you don’t shut the fuck—”

“Let her go, Jeongin.” The interruption came from a familiar voice, causing both you and Jeongin to turn toward the source.

Despite it only being about three months that had passed since you last saw him, Jake looked almost unrecognizable. His hair was longer and a bit unkempt, and he wore plain sweats and a hoodie. Yet, there was no mistaking him.

“Fuck off, Jake. Mind your own fucking business,” Jeongin spat, his disdain evident in his tone.

“You made it my fucking business once you dragged her into whatever you’re doing. So fucking let go of her,” Jake asserted, his voice laced with fury as he approached.

“What? You still fucking pussy whipped for her, huh?” Jeongin harshly threw your wrist away, turning to face Jake. “From what I know, aren’t you also in the same position as I am because of this bitch?”

“Don’t fucking call her that, and the only reason you’re in this position is because you put yourself there. So leave her out of this and go home, you’re drunk. It’s pathetic,” Jake shot back, his anger palpable.

“You’re in no place to be calling anyone pathetic. I mean, look at yourself. Newsflash, she’s a fucking whore! Jake, it’s honestly embarrassing to watch you throw yourself for what? A girl who obviously doesn’t give a shit about you. In fact, I did you a favor, she deserved this. I mean, she’s been so passed around she’s literally like a—” Before Jeongin could finish his drunken rant, he was knocked out cold. Jake's fist met his face in a swift, furious blow.

“Jake!” You gasped in shock, watching as Jeongin crumpled to the dirty street.

“He fucking deserved it,” Jake snarled, his rage barely contained. But before he could do further damage, you reached for his arm.

“Hey, he’s already out, just let it go,” you urged, tugging Jake away as you tried to diffuse his anger.

He turned to you, and in that moment, it was as if his anger melted away, replaced by concern as he took you in. You looked stunning, your eyes filled with worry for him, and Jake couldn't help but once again be struck by the realization of what he had lost.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” His voice was gentle as he reached for your wrist, handling you delicately as if you were made of glass.

You furrowed your brows, concern evident in your features. “I’m fine, seriously. But Jake, you hit him really hard. Are you sure you didn’t break anything?”

Only then did Jake become aware of the ache in his knuckles, the pain radiating through his hand. He winced slightly as you reached to inspect his injured hand.

“You need to get that checked,” you insisted, but Jake shook his head stubbornly.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just ice it and it’ll be fine,” he assured, but you rolled your eyes at his attempt to brush it off.

“Ok fine, let’s go then,” you relented, letting out a sigh and crossing your arms.

Jake gave you a confused look before shaking his head. “I’m fine, Y/N, just go home. It’s late.”

“Jake, I’ll leave once you’re done icing your hand, so let’s go,” you insisted firmly. Knowing you wouldn't budge easily, he relented

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, fine. Let’s go,” he let out another sigh, closing his eyes briefly before nodding and the two of you walked away from the bar, turning left after walking a bit into what seemed to be the entrance of one of the student apartments located downtown.

Quietly, you followed him to the elevator, the tension palpable between you. After a while, Jake broke the silence. “Why were you out alone anyway?”

“Oh, I wasn’t alone. Well, I didn’t come alone, but everyone got really drunk and went off on their own, and I just wasn’t feeling it, so I was trying to go home when Jeongin ambushed me,” you explained, picking at your fingers nervously.

“Wait, so they just ditched you? Who’d you go out with? That’s not safe at all and in fact really dangerous—”

“No, they didn’t ditch me. They were dancing and all, and like I said, I just wanted to go home, so I left. You know damn well Winter and Ningning would never ditch me,” you clarified, rolling your eyes. Thankfully, the elevator dinged, cutting off any further discussion on the matter.

“So, how’s living alone?” you asked, eager to change the topic as you followed him down the hall to his apartment.

He let out a disgruntled grunt. “As lonely as you can expect it to be.” Fishing for his keys in his pocket, he winced a little at the pain his knuckle was giving him. Maybe you were right; it was starting to hurt like a bitch.

“Yeah, I guess going from living with a bunch of guys to being by yourself can be a huge adjustment,” you nodded in agreement.

Despite the awkwardness in the air, you found yourself surprised at how calm you were feeling in Jake's presence. Given the strain in your relationship over the past few months, you had anticipated the reunion to be much more uncomfortable, especially seeing how the last encounter went, but it wasn't as bad as you had imagined. In fact, you felt lucky that he had run into you and Jeongin; if he hadn't been there, you weren't sure how you would have gotten out of that situation.

“Well, here it is,” Jake said, opening the door to his apartment and gesturing for you to enter. It was a clean studio, cleaner than you had expected, though it seemed he had only the bare essentials.

“Oh, it’s actually really nice,” you remarked, taking in the space as you set your purse down on the island.

Jake chuckled softly as he reached for the fridge to grab some ice for his hand. “What, you weren’t expecting it to be?”

“Oh no, it’s just... I don’t know,” you trailed off, unsure of what you had expected Jake's living space to be like. You hadn't really thought much about his living arrangements; your mind had been preoccupied with other matters, particularly your feelings toward him.

“I just overheard a couple of the EpNu boys talking about how they saw you and you weren’t in the best shape, so I didn’t really expect your apartment to be in the best shape as well,” you truthfully told him. Jake didn’t respond for a couple of seconds, just taking in what you said as he iced his hand.

“Sunghoon and Jay?” he asked, and you nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know... I guess they’re right. I haven’t really been doing the best, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be living like a slob. It’s already depressing enough.” Jake couldn’t meet your gaze. Both of you knew why he had reached this point, and he didn’t want to see any disgust reflected in your eyes towards him.

“Jake, can we talk, for real this time? I know we saw each other during the break, but I think that was just way too soon, and we were both just dealing with so much emotion to fully hold a coherent conversation,” you sighed, finally broaching the subject you had been avoiding. But you knew there would be no better opportunity than now to talk with him. You needed to, at least for yourself.

He nodded before answering, “Uhm, yeah, of course, but if you’re uncomfortable, we don’t have to. I can just drive you back home.”

“No, I want to. I think I need to, and it’s the least I deserve,” you insisted. He nodded again, leading you to the couch.

Jake nervously bit his lip before sighing, facing you squarely. “Y/N, I just want to start by saying I’m sorry. I know you’re probably tired of hearing it, but I really mean it. I've had a lot of time to myself to reflect on everything, and I know that simply saying sorry will never be enough to make up for what I’ve done to you.” He swallowed hard before continuing. “I just can’t even begin to imagine what I put you through, and I’m just so fucking sorry for that. Hearing the awful things people have been saying about you, knowing it’s because of me, it’s just... it's horrible and so upsetting. You don’t deserve any of this. I know we haven’t always gotten along but you have always been a constant in my life and these past few months without you have made me realize the full extent of the pain I caused you. I ended up hurting the person I fell in love with in the worst way imaginable.”

Jake's confession to you brought tears to your eyes as your lips quivered. To hear those words from him ached your heart. It took you a moment to look up at him and regain your breath before you could respond.

“Jake, I know you didn’t send those videos out in the first place, but you were being so fucking stupid, and that ended up costing everything. You’re right, you don’t know what I’ve been through these past few months, because it’s been hell. But I’ve also been suffering not just because of the humiliation from classmates or just knowing that there’s a sex tape of us out there for everyone to see, but it has been so hard coming to terms with the fact that amidst all this, I had also somehow fallen for you. You ruined something that could’ve been so good, and that fucking hurts.”

"I miss you so much, Y/N, so fucking much it hurts. I'm sorry." A tear made its way down Jake’s face, and you couldn’t help but reach out for his hand because you couldn’t help but feel the same way.

“Jake, I don’t know what to do,” you softly said while looking at your intertwined hands.

Jake breathed heavily, “I don’t know either, but Y/N, I’m not expecting you to forgive me. I’ll be spending the rest of my life working for that, but I don’t know if I can go on living like this. I feel so empty without you, like I’m hollow inside and it aches like-”

You just couldn’t listen to him any longer. It hurt too much to see him like this. It hurt you too much to be away from him and so you did the only thing you could think to do. You kissed him.

Jake was obviously taken aback as he stood frozen on the couch, unable to reciprocate or even process what you had done. But your lips eased him as he slowly started to move against them. It was like he was riding a bike again, with muscle memory kicking in. The two of you got closer as your bodies touched one another, deepening the kiss. His hands made their way around your face, cupping them softly as if he was handling delicate porcelain, and you reached for his neck, pulling him closer as you wanted to feel more of him. You had missed this beyond words. You had missed him beyond anything.

As the kiss started to get more heated, you felt Jake slowly pull away, leaving you confused. “Wait, wait, Y/N, shouldn’t we think about this?”

He was right. You should, as every cell in your body was screaming at you about how big of a mistake this was. But right now, you couldn’t give a damn. “Can we just talk about this after? Please, I just need you right now. It’s been so long.”

Jake looked sincerely into your eyes, making sure you were sure of your decision before he gave a small nod and reached for you again.

Your lips moved against one another as if they’d been starved for each other and you quickly moved your body on top of his, straddling him as your mouth opened, letting more of him in. Quiet moans could be heard as you slowly moved your hips down on him while his hands made their way down to cup your ass.

His lips detached from yours but before you could complain, they reattached themselves to your neck, nipping at your soft spot as you softly moaned. You had been wearing only a thin black slip dress so you could feel the hairs on your body all rise as chills went down your spine.

As his lips moved their way down your neck, you palmed at his hoodie, “Take it off.”

He obliged with no hesitation and in one swift motion, his bare torso laid before you. Fuck, you had missed him. He looked as gorgeous as ever despite everything and you couldn’t help but rake your eyes over him, taking him all in.

His patience got to him though as he yanked you down, bringing your lips together again. His fingers played with the bottom of your dress and before you knew it, that too was getting yanked off.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he whispered. You had forgone wearing a bra and so you were only left in a small black thong. You looked like a little present perfectly wrapped for him.

You gave him a soft smile before reaching for him. You started to kiss your way down his neck to his chest, eliciting another groan from him, but before you could go further, he pulled you up. You shot him a quick look of confusion but he dismissed it. “Next time, I just need you right now.”

Jake got up from the couch, helping you up as well before guiding you backward a couple of steps to his bed. You laid back as you watched him take the rest of his clothing off. Your mouth was watering and to be honest, you hadn’t slept with anyone in a while and you hadn’t realized how badly you had been craving this until now.

He quickly made his way back to you and the two of you attached your lips once more, moving against each other as if you had been starved. One of his hands made its way down to your breast, softly kneading it, as the other hand went further down before reaching under your thong.

His finger softly glossed over your entrance as you gasped, aching for more. You were wet, beyond soaking and it made Jake harder than ever. He gently played with your pussy before slowly entering a finger.

You were just as warm as ever as your soft gummy walls sucked him in and your soft mewls were enough to instigate him to start moving his finger slowly. You tightly pulled at his hair as you continued panting into his mouth.

“Babe, you’re soaking,” he smirked a little before kissing you again. His finger was now steadily moving inside you as he teased another.

“Please, Jake please,” you moaned, seeking more of him.

He gave in to your pleas as he added a second finger, stretching you further. You already felt incredibly tight and Jake felt like he was losing his mind. He couldn’t bear to go further without fully being inside you so he pulled his fingers out before yanking your thong down and spreading your legs open.

“Jesus, you’re so beautiful. The absolute prettiest.” Jake praised you before taking his cock and lining it with your entrance. Feeling his tip alone was too much of a tease for you and you whined.

“Just put it in, please.” He gave in to your plea as he plunged inside of you.

Your eyes instantly rolled to the back of your head as your mouth opened wide. You felt like you were about to burst with how full he was making you feel.

“You’re so fucking tight, shit,” Jake clenched his jaw, taking in how you felt around him. You were made for him and he couldn’t wait any longer.

His thrusts were hard and powerful, making sure you felt him everywhere. Your soft pants turned to loud moans as you couldn’t hold them back any longer. He felt too good, plunging deep inside you, hitting against your cervix. Your toes curled and your hands reached for his shoulders to hold on to as he pummeled himself in and out of you.

“Jake, fuck! It’s too good,” you cried out. Tears were forming in your eyes from the pleasure.

Sweat dripped down his back as Jake continued to thrust into you. He could feel himself getting closer every time you clenched around him and he reached down to capture your lips in his once more.

Sounds of skin slapping against each other while lewd noises of tongues moving against each other filled Jake’s small apartment as the air around the two of you grew thicker. You knew you were getting close as you could feel the familiar coil below your belly on the verge of snapping.

“Fuck, Jake, I’m almost there, keep going,” you urged him as you maintained eye contact with him. His eyes were raging with fire as your words had him thrusting into you harder.

Then the splintering feeling came crashing down on you as you clenched around him tightly. It was too good as the world around you spun while all the noise cut out. You let out a whimper as your toes curled tightly and back arched while you finished.

The sight of you cumming was beyond heavenly and Jake chased quickly after his release. You were limp against him, softly mewling at the overstimulation as he continued to hammer into you before finally cumming inside of you. His deep groan in your ear had you clenching around him one last time as you felt him slump over you.

The two of you panted loudly, trying to catch your breath as you stayed in your embrace. Your mind had been thoroughly blown, and this moment solidified just how much you had missed Jake. You never wanted to leave his embrace; it was where your raging mind and racing heart seemed to find stillness. Despite everything that had happened, you still yearned for this, and for the first time in a couple of months, you felt some semblance of clarity.

Your eyes fluttered open, and at first, you were confused as you took in your surroundings. But the events of last night quickly came back to you as you spotted Jake’s now bruised knuckles, his arm wrapped around you.

Tightly closing your eyes, you sighed, knowing that sleeping with Jake had just further complicated an already complicated situation. But no matter how much you tried to paint it as a mistake, you really couldn’t. You simply couldn’t change the fact that you had missed him deeply despite everything.

Feeling too hot under the comforter and the body heat emanating from Jake, you decided to quietly get up, gently moving his arm off of you to avoid waking him up. You searched around for your clothes but quickly realized that you had only worn your dress and there was no way you were getting back into that right now. So, you opted for Jake’s hoodie that was discarded on the floor last night.

You heard rustling from the bed, and when you turned around, you saw that Jake was half awake as he rose up from the bed. His hair was disheveled, and he rubbed his eyes before they laid themselves on you. He seemed surprised that you were still there.

“I thought you’d have been gone by now,” he murmured as he too searched around for his clothes.

You shrugged. “Running away from this would make it even worse.” It was true; what the two of you had done last night definitely wasn’t smart or ideal, but it had happened, and the two of you needed to deal with it.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Jake nodded, then asked, “You’re not regretting it?”

You shook your head. “Honestly, no. But Jake, I hope you realize that this doesn’t mean I forgive you for everything.”

“No, I know, I wouldn’t expect you to. But I hope you also realize that what I said yesterday is all true.” He walked towards you, taking both your hands in his as he peered into your eyes. “I love you, Y/N, and I’m not just saying that to get you to forgive me. I mean it.”

You looked deep into his eyes, searching for any signs of deceit, but found none. All you could do was nod. “Okay.”

“So what does this mean for us?” Jake’s question lingered in your mind. What did it mean? It was already established that the two of you loved each other, but you also couldn’t just overlook what he had done.

“I’m not sure, Jake,” you sighed. “I think we need to start over.”

Jake nodded. “Okay, and what does that mean?”

“I think you and I both know that we can’t date each other right now. That relationship would be fucked up the second we do. I think we need some time to maybe rebuild our relationship on a blank slate.” You scanned Jake’s face, hoping to gauge how he was feeling about your suggestion.

“Okay, a blank slate, that works for me.” This was more than he had expected you to give him, and it meant there was hope for the two of you. It was all he could ask for.

“Jake, you need to get your act together with school, your friends, and your parents. I don’t want you fucking up everything because of this one mistake. Yeah, it was a huge one, but what’s done is done and it can’t derail your entire life. And once you feel like you’re back on the right track, then maybe we can start over again.” You peered at him deeply, and he sighed. He knew you were right. His life had been so fucked up for the past few months, and he knew he had to straighten it out before even thinking about pursuing anything with you.

“I will, I promise. Thank you, Y/N, and I know I’ll be working for what I did to you for the rest of my life and that I’m nowhere close to being deserving of your forgiveness or even this. So I promise I’ll make it up to you and get my life back together. I love you.” Jake nodded as he cupped your face in his hands before giving you a kiss on your forehead.

You hugged him, and the two of you stayed in that embrace for a bit until you pulled back. “Wonyoung’s never going to forgive you for this, you know that? But I’ll be willing to work on her if you just show me that you’re genuine about this and working on yourself.”

And from the moment Jake dropped you back at your dorm, he did just as he promised you. For the first time in a while, he found himself eagerly making his way down to the library to get some work done for his classes, and while he knew it was a long shot, he texted Sunghoon and Jay. They were his best friends, and they also hadn’t deserved the betrayal Jake had put them through; they deserved a real apology. Jake was determined to change.

Slowly but steadily, it seemed to be working. Every now and then, you’d see him in the hall or at the library, and you would exchange waves or smiles. Each time, he looked like he was doing much better. You had also heard through the grapevine that he had been trying his best to mend each of the relationships he had with the EpNu brothers. Of course, not everyone had been as receptive or even willing, but everyone knew that he was atleast making an effort.

Long before you knew it, the year was ending, and while the back half of your semester didn’t bring you much excitement, you actually preferred it that way. After all that had happened, you didn’t need any more drama in your life. And honestly, you couldn’t complain. You still had your best friend by your side, along with a couple of other friends you had made along the way, whom you knew you would have for the rest of your life. Plus, you ended the year with pretty good grades, considering everything that had happened. The gossip and hate you initially received had pretty much died down, and honestly, you believed this was the best outcome that could have happened.

"I think we did alright, don’t you agree Lady?" Your sweetheart of a dog barked excitedly, as if she was agreeing with what you had said. But before you could say anything further, Lady's attention was taken as you saw a familiar ball of fur make her way towards the swingset where you and Lady were. Lady seemed to disregard you the second she spotted her friend and started excitedly chasing after Layla.

You watched the two of them playing with each other, a smile growing on your face. A few seconds later, you felt a presence on the swings next to you. You knew exactly who it was before you even turned to face him.

“Hey,” he said softly, offering you a smile as he extended his hand for a handshake. “I’m Jake. Nice to meet you.”

A smile as bright as the sun spread across your face as you shook his hand. “Hey Jake, I’m Y/N. It’s great to meet you.”

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#jake sim #enhypen #enha #sim jaeyun #jake scenarios #jake smut #jake x reader #jake angst #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen au #enhypen smut #jake enhypen #jake sim scenarios #jake sim smut #jake sim x reader #fic: monkey bars

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enwoso · 3 months ago

Note

grumpy universe where alessia gets sick and the girls step in to babysit and get her better

I’M OKAY — alessia russo x child!reader

grumpy masterlist

it was tough being ill while having a child as long go the days where you could lie in bed all day with a bottle of ice cold water at your side as you slept the day away.

as instead alessia had not only herself to nurse back to full health but also had to still be a mother. almost like a superhero, be two things at once.

alessia had been feeling awful the past few days days,

she's gotten ill. her throat has never felt rougher and her head felt as though she was bashing it against a wall and her nose was blocked to the point she was having a hard time breathing through it.

and while she wished she could tucked up in bed. she couldn't.

not when she had a four year old running with buckets of energy all day which was definitely not helping alessia's pounding headache she’s had the past couple of days.

but alessia couldn't in no way fault you, your bundle of energy was actually slightly helping put a smile on the blondes face even though she felt rubbish.

"you ready lovie" alessia smiled as the two of you walked towards the training ground. your mummy trying to sound as enthusiastic as she could trying her best to put her illness to the back of her mind.

"yes! katie said she would play my game with me" you giggled as you kept ahold of your mummy's hand, you were talking about a children's card game which luca had gotten you and while the team was finishing up lunch you had spent the time explaining the game to katie who sounded genuinely very intrigued at the game you'd explained.

"oh that sound fun! don't let her beat you" your mummy grinned as your eyebrows furrowed as you firmly shook your head.

"never, nobody beat me at it" you stated proudly, as alessia hummed opening the door for you to walk in first. and to be fair to you, when you'd played the game with your uncles and your mummy you hadn't lost, but maybe that was because they didn't want to see your crushed little face if you lost.

walking into the canteen where most girls were having breakfast, you made a beeline straight for katie who was sat down with caitlin, teyah and beth. "katie, i got my game!" you called out.

alessia just let you make your run towards katie as truthfully she didn't have the energy in her to call you back over even though it was barely past nine am.

alessia slotted herself down on the next closest table, not looking who was there instead just sitting down. emily, lotte and leah who were sat at the table all looked at each other with a knowing look.

alessia was sat with her head in her hands, the bright lights were making her head pound even more and her throat felt as dry as a desert.

"less are you okay?" lotte asked with a wince, the three girls could clearly see something was up.

"yep!" alessia mumbled popping out the p as she sniffled, before a series of coughs came from the blonde. the sound of alessia's voice and the coughs coming from her totally contradicting what she'd just said.

"you sound sick?" emily said trying the more direct way as her eyebrows raised, worried for her fellow teammate but also her close friend.

"i'll be fine, y/n is my main focus" alessia grumbled as the blondes head turned to your direction seeing you smiling and playing your game with katie contently, teyah and beth even having a turn.

"less- i know tiny is important but you need to make sure your looking after your own health" leah told the blonde as alessia just waved her off another sniffle coming as she had a sip of water.

"no alessia im being serious, your a mess. i think you need to go home and spend the day in bed otherwise your not gonna be able to play properly" leah spoke in her serious tone which told alessia that leah was most definitely being serious.

alessia glanced over to lotte and emily who both had the same telling look while a sympathetic smile that told the blonde exactly what she needed to do and that was take leah's advice.

"but what about y/n?" alessia quickly got out but leah quickly came up with a solution.

"she can stay at mine" leah shrugged, you had stayed at leah's before so alessia knew she could trust leah but alessia didn't like you staying out especially when it wasn't exactly necessary.

"but-"

"alessia no more buts. you need to go home, make a full recovery, tiny can stay with me for the night if she wants, beth and viv are coming over to mine later anyway so you don't need to worry about her living off chicken nuggets" leah reassured as a deep sigh of defeat came from alessia as she nodded.

"sorted then!"

"lovie" alessia called you over, motioning with her hands as you looked towards katie, teyah and beth giving them strict orders to not touch the game otherwise that would be cheating as you slipped down from the table and made your way towards your mummy with a sweet smile on your face.

"lovie, mummy's going home now. but you gonna stay here with your aunties okay" your mummy told you as you nodded slowly, but you were slightly confused.

"why you going home?" you asked, holding onto the edge of the table as you swung your leg back and forth.

"cause mummy's poorly, and i feel really really sick" alessia pouted as you nodded understandingly as your mummy began to speak again.

"how would you feel staying at auntie lele's house tonight?" mummy asked cautiously, not wanting you to feel as though you had to but by the change in your face and the look of excitement in your smile, alessia had her answer.

"yes! yes! yes!"

"but you have to be on your best behaviour for leah and do as she tells you, just like you do for me okay" your mummy told you as you nodded your head promising your mummy.

"your always on your best behaviour aren't you tiny!" leah ruffled your head as you turned to nod at the blonde who had a big grin on her face.

"right, well mummy loves you and i'll see you tomorrow yeah" your mummy smiled as you hugged her tight before alessia placed a gentle kiss on your forehead as you said goodbye to your mummy.

"less call if you need anything" lotte smiled as alessia nodded, wincing slightly as she stood her headache still not easing. you waving goodbye while blowing kisses as she left the training ground.

"lele can we have chocolate pizza for dinner tonight?" you asked with an innocent smile now that your mum wasn't in the room anymore.

you knowing all to well that your mummy wouldn't ever in a million years let you have that for dinner, so why not try your luck somewhere else and after all at least that would have less room for mistake considering leah wasn't the best in a kitchen setting.

"aye let's not push our luck tiny!" leah laughed before you sighed taking that as a no before remembering about your game with katie.

#alessia russo x y/n #alessia russo #alessia russo x reader #woso community #woso x reader #woso #woso imagine #woso blurbs #awfc #arsenal women #arsenal wfc #lotte wubben moy #emily fox x reader #leah williamson #england wnt #england women #england #enwoso

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vixstarria · 1 year ago

Text

Admit that you love me

Connected with my other headcanon fics, but works as a standalone as well.

Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Tav, Astarion x Bard Tav, Astarion is bad at feelings, Gale is bad at everything

Bit of angst, bit of comfort, bit of fluff, love, banter, humour and all the other good things. Non-explicit. Early Act 2.

Approximately 2,000 words.

AO3

You traversed the shadow-cursed lands. Earlier this week, Elminster had showed up, eaten all your cheese, essentially told Gale to kill himself and promptly went back to wherever he had come from. And you thought 200 year-old vampires were erratic... You hoped you would never come across a vampire wizard.

It was an average evening in camp. You and your companions were passing time by the fire before calling it a day.

You were sitting on the ground before the campfire, as Astarion sat on a fallen log behind you, trying to massage a crick out of your neck and shoulders. You weren’t even being obnoxious about it, your neck had genuinely been killing you and he was trying to alleviate the pain and discomfort.

You’d closed your eyes and leaned forward a bit, trying to give him better access, when a remark from Gale caught your ear, and the hands stilled.

“It’s truly heartwarming to see how well Astarion takes care of his livestock.”

In the sudden silence that ensued, before you had even registered your own emotions for the insult, your immediate instinct was to seize the hand that was still on your shoulder, and say:

“If you kill him, he’ll take us all with him.”

It turned out to be the right call, as Astarion re-sheathed a dagger you hadn’t even noticed he had drawn (or had on him), and gave your hand a small squeeze.

“I... I’m sorry, that was a poor joke.” Gale looked at the ground shaking his head. “If you can call it that. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” He started to get up. “I better-”

“Disrespect my lover or me again, and I will personally burn everything that you cherish, and rip out the throat of every person you hold dear.” Astarion’s voice was an icicle. “I won’t kill you… But I will fulfill my need to hear you scream.”

Astarion gave your hand another squeeze and got up. He met your eyes as you turned back to look at him, and gave you a barely perceptible shake of the head before stalking off.

Gale, who had stood silently through Astarion’s cold outburst, wordlessly turned and left in the opposite direction.

You still sat on the ground, elbows on your knees, eyes shut, now rubbing your temples. Great. Perfectly normal (in accordance with your definition of ‘normal’, anyway) evening ruined. No Astarion, Gale at a new lowest low, awkward silence, you still with a crick in your neck, and now an unfolding headache. All while feeling like you’ve been spat on.

“Is that what you all think?” you asked quietly, still rubbing your temples. “That I’m a stupid lamb offering myself to a wolf for slaughter?”

To your surprise, it was Lae’zel who answered.

“It is true that the vampire is a predator, and there is hunger and lust in his eyes when he looks at you. But there is also love and yearning. You both carry it. My people are proficient in recognising it, for we are taught from a young age to quash such notions at their conception. Love and attachment make you weak. But you two, you have turned it into a source of resilience and strength. The wizard is as delusional as he is out of line.”

You were completely taken aback by what you just heard.

Firstly, by the fact it came from Lae’zel. But also... You hadn’t actually exchanged words of love with each other. Oh, there were the ‘my love’s, but that was more of a silly casual pet name that had started long ago. You both regularly addressed Karlach as ‘love’ as well. It didn’t mean much.

But to have a githyanki set it out for you so candidly...

“...I couldn’t have said it better myself, Lae’zel,” spoke Shadowheart.

“Aw, none of us doubt you or fangs,” added Karlach. “Hells, sometimes I worry my heart will have a meltdown not from exertion, but from seeing you two.”

You hoped no one could tell your face had coloured scarlet by the light of the fire.

“Gale just hasn’t been himself lately. I’m sorry you and Astarion took the brunt of it. I’m sure he feels awful about this.” Wyll apologised as though he had anything to do with it. “I better go speak to him, make sure he knows we understand.”

You excused yourself and went to your tent soon after as well.

Astarion didn’t return that night. On checking his tent, you noted he did take his weapons with him, though. That’s all you really needed to know. He could take care of himself. After all, he was one of the horrors other people were scared to encounter in the shadows. Still, when you finally fell asleep, it was only due to sheer exhaustion.

It was morning when he finally showed up at the entrance to your tent. Probably. You could barely tell night from day in this blasted place. You were sitting cross-legged on your bedroll, getting ready for the day ahead. You didn’t get up to greet him as you continued to fasten the belts and buckles of your equipment.

“I was worried.”

“I know,” he said simply. When you didn’t say anything, he sighed and added: “And I was angry. Furious, actually. Murderous. I didn’t want you to see it.”

You bit back a swear.

“I can-”

“Before you say you can handle my anger, that’s not the point. I don’t want you, of all people, to be exposed to it to begin with.” You frowned and he continued:

“When everyone keeps telling you you’re a monster, eventually you no longer want to prove them wrong – you want to show them just how much of a monster you can be. And you’re the only person who doesn’t think that about me. Why on earth would I do anything that might make you look at me the same as they do..?”

It broke your heart a little to realise that that’s what he thought.

“They don’t think you’re a monster, Star,” you said imploringly. “Gale said something stupid which he immediately regretted, yes, but the rest of them were on our side.” You made sure he was taking in what you were saying. “On your side.”

“...They were?” Astarion’s eyes softened.

“Yes. Lae’zel gave a whole speech, just about.”

“Ugh,” Astarion curled his lip. “And I thought you were serious for a moment there.”

“I am serious! She was quite poetic about it, actually.”

Astarion suddenly took a step back out of your tent, looking up at the sky in alarm.

“What is it?!” you reached for your bow.

“Oh just checking for flying pigs...” he stepped back into the tent. “...So what did she say? I’m intrigued.” He still looked skeptical, but much less guarded than before.

You paused your preparations, set down your weapons and met his gaze.

“She said she sees the love in your eyes.”

You weren’t about to tell him that she actually said she saw love in your eyes as well.

“Oh...” Astarion seemed momentarily taken aback. “That is quite poetic for a githyanki.”

You continued to study him without saying a word.

“...Oh no. No no no.” He waved a finger at you. “I see EXACTLY what you’re doing, and I am NOT falling for it.”

“What am I doing? I’m not doing anything.”

“Exactly! You’re not saying anything, forcing me to fill the silence until I start stammering like a fool and admit that I love you!” He paused, turned away and huffed, before turning back to look at you, hand on his hip. “And that is NOT on the agenda!”

“You’re not going to admit it?”

Astarion looked away again, wrung his hands, opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it, and looked back at you, cocking his head to one side before finally saying:

“...Not today..?”

You burst into a laugh. How long had your heart been pounding?

“Gaaaaaale! Old buddy, old pal!” you heard from Astarion.

You lifted your head to see Gale approaching.

Fucking Gale, you thought.

You got up to face Gale at the entrance to your tent.

“Morning! I would say ‘good morning’, only that would be a lie for all of us, in light of-”

“Oh for the love of all that is unholy!” Astarion cut him off. “Spare me your words and drawn-out explanations, and I will spare you my daggers. We don’t need that. We can sort this out like two mature, adult men.”

The next thing you knew, Gale was on the ground, looking in disbelief at the blood dripping onto his hand from a possibly broken nose.

“There. Now, for all intents and purposes, this matter can be resolved, if you wish. As previously advised, in the event of any further disparagement of me, Tav, or the nature of our relationship, I WILL be committing arson and turning everyone you love and care for inside out, Tav being exempt, of course. Now that this has been explained to you, if you accept, the damage you just took to your face can serve as compensation, to the full and final satisfaction and discharge of the idiotic shit you said yesterday. Are we in agreement?”

Astarion held out a hand

You stood back observing Astarion, your arms crossed. Theatrics to cattiness to violence to legalese within the span of a minute. How flustered and giddy was this man?

Gale was still on the ground, also looking at Astarion incredulously.

“I sometimes forget that you used to be something far worse than a vampire.”

Gale accepted the offered hand and got up.

“And you, Tav? Would you like to break the spare lute over my head, perchance?”

Astarion perked up at that, but you were quick to protest:

“No, no, let bygones be bygones and all that...”

“Then it is settled,” Astarion interjected. “Well then, off you go, friend.”

“Actually,” you cut in. “I think Shadowheart needs to rest a while. Gale could come with us today instead, seeing as you’ve sorted everything out. Gale, are you up for it?” you asked as Astarion stared at you in disbelief.

After the borderline sleepless night you’d had because of these two idiots, the least they could do was entertain you by suffering each other’s company.

“...Sure, let me just ah... do something about the blood. I’ll only be a minute.”

And just like that, you and Astarion were back on your usual bullshit, causing a loud ruckus as you headed out of camp, him on your heels.

“I object! It’s ME or HIM! And if it’s him, you can give me my ring back!”

Wyll snapped his head in surprise to look at you two, as Karlach gasped and covered her mouth with her hands.

Astarion paused as if to say something to them, then waved a dismissive hand and continued walking after you.

“...Because I am NOT dying in camp like a sitting duck just because HE couldn’t keep you safe!”

“It’s my ring now, and you’re both coming! And so is Lae’zel. Lae, are you ready?”

“Always,” came an unperturbed answer from the githyanki, as she got up to follow you.

“There. She can lecture you on poetry, between the fighting.”

Astarion had finally caught up to you.

“You cheeky pup,” he said only loud enough for you to hear, his red eyes narrowed and a wry grin on his face. “We’ll need to have a long talk about your behaviour.”

“Is that on the agenda? For today?”

Astarion swore under his breath, smiled to himself and fell back again.

Yep, definitely flustered, you thought, fighting a stupid grin that was threatening to take over your face.

Oh you were going to enjoy this day.

~~~~~

Author’s note:

Sorry bloodweave gang, my headcanon is Gale and Astarion are constantly beefing.

I wanted to work in the “disrespect me again” line from Early Access – although I ended up altering it. A lot.

~~~~~

Next in series - Confession

OR, chronologically appropriate smut - Seeing stars

Series master list

AO3

#astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #bg3 fanfic #gale dekarios #astarion fanfic #fkn gale

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kuronanox · 19 days ago

Text

Domestic life - Hybrid Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

"Well fortunately we have these hybrids that are to be put down in a few days if you don't like the other selections." A man in his forties tells (Your Name) as he opens the door to another hall with different hybrids, males and females. "A lot of them are all bark no bite. They still want to see another living day. Give them another chance in life and you'll see how amazing theses creatures are." He genuinely says with fondness petting some from outside the cage letting her walk around and decide. "Thanks give me a few minutes I would like to look around."

She was amazed with some of the hybrids. There were talks that people kept hybrid for sports or they were treated poorly in society. She felt sadden with the state of the world and decided she would like to keep one until it was ready to leave her house and starts its life anew again. She thought maybe adopting would be a great idea for some of these hybrids that needed a little love but ultimately she decided to buy one to set free later.

While walking up and down the aisle she came across some that didn't seem aggressive or others that didn't seem to care of her presence. There was one in particular that caught her eyes. A blue and white panther asleep in its cage with his body curled up in an awkward position. His description read that he was used for sport and was filed to be put down for misbehavior and his aggressiveness.

"I want this one." She tells the sales man as he gives her a worried look of her choice of hybrid. Panthers can be aggressive and closed off. They also are not good for starting families as they can get possessive of their owners.

Grimmjow ears perks up from the small conversion outside his cage as he opened his sleepy eyes to take a glimpse. "Must be the those pest coming to kill me" he thinks as he slowly processes his surroundings before his ears fully perk up.

"But I want him, I've had experience with aggressive hybrids in the past. You said some of them needed another chance and I want to be the one to give it to him." Grimmjow hears the female voice say with aggression towards the sales man who he's come to dislike. Any person who has came to buy him the sales man has told them no because he was too much to handle.

Irritation overcame Grimmjow as he lunged towards the sales man and hissed baring his teeth. "See I think Grimmy agrees with me!" (Your Name) proudly says with her hands on her hips beaming with pride.

"Tch the hell is this women talking about?"

The sales man sighs and looks at her crazy before giving up and nodding. "Alright but we have some paperwork to fill and also I'm giving you a number to call if he decides to attack you. Don't say I didn't warn you."

The process was fairly easy, Grimmjow had all his shots and was in a healthy state. They had to sedate him a few times because he had injured a few staff but after spending weeks here the aggression had settled down.

"He's not too bad honestly, give him time to adjust and he won't give you a hard time. He keeps to himself." A hybrid name Nel says from behind the desk as she typed in all the information needed for (Your Name) and her new hybrid Grimmjow.

"Thanks I'll keep that in mind."

When Grimmjows cage opened he didn't move, he thought maybe the sales man worked his magic and convinced the women he wasn't worth saving but he opened his eyes again to see her waiting for him to leave his cage. The feeling was foreign usually they had chains put onto him so he wouldn't escape but she was letting him walk free. Grimmjow wasn't gonna complain she bought him so he was gonna use all her stuff for free and finally get some rest from all these other hybrids giving him a headache. Well he did feel a little sorry for some to never see the light of day again.

Grimmjow in his animal form slowly checked his surroundings before making his way out the cage. "Well you're gonna live with me now. Let's go home." (Your Name) softly says allowing him to walk freely without chains or a leash.

Grimmjow stalks her from behind before ultimately getting bored she wasn't frightened of him. He was asleep most the car ride home. The cage was too noisy of other hybrids talking, yelling or crying. It was nice listening to white noise for once. As the car came to an abrupt stop Grimmjow growled at her for disturbing his sleep.

She paid no mind to him opening the door and letting Grimmjow out. "Come on, the car's comfortable but not as comfortable as a house." She tells him.

A house, he doesn't remember a time he's been in one. Stalking after her once again he was fast to check his surroundings before making his way in.

"Home sweet home!" She calls to him running to the couch to lay down. "By the way, I know hybrids can be in their animal and human form but don't feel pressured to change if you don't want to. I also know you can talk." (Your Name) tells Grimmjow as he walks around the house giving it a good sniff, checking if it's safe.

With nothing much to do he ignores her and hops onto the other couch closing his eyes. Grimmjow checks off that she was no danger to him and he could easily kill her if she tried something.

"Kay well I'll start dinner and show you to your room." (Your Name) says before leaning towards the kitchen and opening the fridge.

He didn't care, he was gonna freeload off her and make this home his whether she liked him or not.

Grimmjow dozed off to sleep again before he smelt something delicious catch his nose. They say curiosity killed the cat and he couldn't help but leap off the couch to investigate the delicious smell. His walks were silent as he stalked towards the kitchen.

(Your Name) was searing chunks of meat for him as he watched from afar. She was listening to music from her speakers while reading a recipe off her phone. While turning to plate everything up she felt startled from Grimmjow watching her. He was so quiet she didn't hear his footsteps.

"Oh jeez don't scare me like that, I could have dropped our dinner." She scowls a bit before pouting and placing it on the table.

Grimmjow smirks at her reaction before inching his way towards the food.

She set it on the floor and he gives her a demanding look. "What? You don't want to change out of that form and you're too big to sit on a chair so you have to eat from the floor."

He rolls his eyes mentally at her before taking the pieces of meat and ripping them to sheds. The food was good, he couldn't get enough of it. Before Grimmjow knew it the food was already gone and he was looking up at her with angry eyes. (Your Name) was lost in thoughts answering emails that a paw swiped her leg.

She looked down to see the food gone and she softly chuckled before getting up and getting some chicken she had stored. "Here, eat up." She tells him before finishing her dinner as well.

Grimmjow room was nice, the bed was big there was a drawl and desk as well as clothes. What most excited him the most was the pillows and blankets but he would never let her know that part. His tail was happily twitching but if (Your Name) saw she didn't comment on it.

"Kay well this is where the problem lays. You reek and need a shower." She tells him as Grimmjow turns to growl at her but she throws up a water sprayer to his face.

"Don't threaten me now or I'll spray you with water." She says as Grimmjow hissed and the water she sprayed hits his tongue and he retaliates from it.

Without much of a fight Grimmjow eventually gets into a tub of water and lets her wash him. Although he isn't so happy and his ears are down.

(Your Name) was calm as she scrubbed him lightly and made sure not to touch his sensitive parts. "There, isn't so bad is it? Promise you'll be safe here." She tells him as Grimmjow looks at her with eyes that are unreadable.

With the night getting late she leaves him to his room and leaves him alone for the rest of it.

"Good night." She tells him before going into her room for the rest of the night.

After a few months their routine was pretty standard and much didn't change. (Your Name) would feed him a big breakfast before leaving to work and returning during her breaks to feed him again before leaving again. Grimmjow was feeling a little lonely without her yapping at him. She yapped about the most random things he didn't understand. He still appreciated having her as company sometimes. Grimmjow never spoke to her though, he was frustrated that (Your Name) was getting under his skin. Pride settled into him most days and when he wanted something he would put a paw on her or nudge his head across her legs.

One evening she came home very late and Grimmjow was not happy at all. He was expecting to give her a hissy fit by destroying one of her pillows but she came home in tears sobbing about her job and some coworkers being mean. Grimmjow guessed she had a bad day as he watched her lay in bed ignoring his presence.

"Not now Grimmjow, I've had a rough day. You probably don't even care." She says with eyes closed and tears falling into her pillow.

"Stupid women." He thinks before jumping into her bed and laying his head on her tummy offering comfort. Grimmjow feels warm, he likes her enough not to throw a fit anymore. A hand reaches out behind his ears as she scratches them and he purrs a little.

"This is the first time I've heard you purr Grimmjow." She says surprisingly as he stops and flicks his tail with annoyance. "Hey don't stop! I don't mind." Grimmjow closes his eyes and drifts to sleep after.

Unbeknownst to Grimmjow he was so comfortable laying with (Your Name) he changed to his human form, tail and ears still visible. Although instead of his head laying on her tummy he was big spooning her.

(Your Name) felt a wave of heat overcome her body as she groaned in her sleep. She's pretty sure her eyes are puffy as they felt heavy to open. "Grimmjow move a little, it's getting hot." She complains trying to turn on her side but his big body has her caged between his arms.

With annoyance she shoots out of bed to push him but instead she screams and grabs her spray bottle. "Is that you Grimmjow?!"

Spraying his face wakes Grimmjow up as he yells "dammit women I'm trying to sleep!" His ears pulled back and tail flapping aggressively.

(Your Name) laughs and she laughs so hard she can hardly breathe. "I can't believe I'm seeing you like this for the first time." She says and after realizing her big panther was finally showing his true form she smiles a bit to herself forgetting why she cried in the first place.

Grimmjow was not so happy as he was fuming with annoyance and he was hangry. He throws all her pillows at her before stomping off.

"I was wondering how you used the bathroom this whole time you know." She teases Grimmjow following him into the kitchen as he plopped his ass in a chair for the first time in years.

"Shut it women before I go back to not speaking to you ever again."

"Whatever, bet you were getting lonely not using that pissy mouth of yours." (Your Name) throws back at him getting ready to start dinner.

Grimmjow keeps his silence watching as she moves around the kitchen once more. Everything was still foreign to him especially being back in this form after so long.

"So how are you liking it here?" She strikes up a conversation although her back is to him. He can feel a shakiness to her voice like she was scared to ask him.

"It's fine." He states and Grimmjow swore he saw her shoulder slump a little.

"Ahh well it won't get any better than this."

Grimmjow knows she's right but his pride won't let him admit it. She dishes up dinner and places it on the table for the both of them. "Thought you would want to try something different for dinner." She exclaims as he stares at a triangular shape of food. "It's called pizza, sorry I was too tired to cook much tonight."

"Tch getting lazy now." Grimmjow complains as she brings the spray bottle close to his face before returning to dinner.

Grimmjow hated to admit but whatever this pizza thing was, was actually good. He ate everything with no complaints and she snickered at him.

Although she hasn't fully looked his way Grimmjow knows he is an ugly wild beast so he understood if she was a little on edge. "tch women can't even look at me."

"You can still sleep with me at night if you want. I mean... since you aren't in your panther form nothing has changed. You can still do whatever you want." (Your Name) explains again before clearing the dishes quickly. Grimmjow watches as her heart rate had fasten and her cheeks began to change color.

"Why's your face pink?" Grimmjow asks nonchalantly as he knits his brow and she throws a kitchen towel at him. "It's not pink jerk and it's called blushing! Anyways good night I'm tired now!" She shouts making her way quickly to her room.

Grimmjow was rather confused of her behavior but didn't say a word as he made sure all the doors were locked. At least he was doing what she did every night before heading to his room. He could only smirk. Maybe being in this form wasn't so bad.

It took (Your Name) a few weeks to adjust to Grimmjow and his new form. She's grown to understand how he likes things, his body language and the way he talks. It was nice having someone to communicate with again. Although she still had a hard time looking at him because well.... He was very much good looking, handsome, sexy. She could go down the list.

She did miss his paws on her or his light head nudges. Now that Grimmjow was talking he just demands what he wants now.

"Hey I don't mean to pry but the scars on your body." She asks one night as they sat in her garage, Grimmjow drinking water as he stops punching the punching bag she got him.

"Oh these? They're nothing just from the hybrid fights." He nonchalantly says before turning his attention back to the punching bag.

(Your Name) didn't pry but from what others have told her hybrids lived in cages in the most filthy conditions.

"Well let's go shopping tomorrow! I'm off and you get to spend the whole day with little ole me!" She beams at him but Grimmjow couldn't understand the concept of shopping.

"What, gonna get yourself another hybrid to keep you company now that you're bored of me? I'll scare the piece of shit away." He threatens while punching the bag keeping his focus on her.

"What are you talking about stupid? Shopping as in clothes? Food? Also I need to get you a phone." She says in disbelief of his attitude now.

"Tch, could have said so women." He says as (Your Name) remembers the sales man saying that panthers and other hybrids can get very possessive of their owners. She didn't think Grimmjow was but she never tested the theory out.

"Whatever stay cooped up in here then." She huffs going back inside the house to entertain herself with some reality tv. Grimmjow only stares at her figure walking away as he grits his teeth. She was driving him crazy, there was a warm fuzzy feeling he felt in his stomach that he did not like.

After another hour Grimmjow cleans up and heads to find her in her room on her phone. "So what's a phone?" He asks curiously watching her play with the little rectangle thing.

She pats the empty space on her bed and explains it's a device to communicate with people as well as a form of entertainment. "I need to get you one now. So I can update you or you can text me when I'm busy." She tells him.

Grimmjow hums in responds and hesitantly reaches for her body but pulls back. Her eyebrows are raised as she turns to look at him. He was contemplating on whether to touch her or not.

"We've cuddle when you were a cat what's so different now?" She asks as he only gives her a frown.

"You can't even look at me for a long time without averting your eyes." He bites back as she gaps her mouth and pouts. "That's not true."

After a moment of silence she puts her phone down and turns off the lamp. Grimmjow only stares back at her confused of her actions. (Your Name) hesitantly grabs his hand and places it on the top of her hips before closing her eyes to sleep.

Grimmjow didn't protest, a little part of him wanted to be near her. After all he sought to find her. He closes his eyes and sleeps as well.

Getting Grimmjow in the car and the drive was fine but, she could tell that he was very anxious about being in the public eye especially since he didn't have much interaction before. As (Your Name) got out of the car he followed behind trailing. She only sighed at his actions but understood that big crowds were something he didn't like.

Grimmjows eyes scanned every face and even saw some hybrids on their own. Good for them he thought bitterly. Of course he was kept as a pet, that's how the humans thought of them. He couldn't help but feel a little sour looking towards (Your Name).

"Doing okay?" Her voice reaches his ears as she settled with the same pace as him. Grimmjow only grunted while some people stared at his 'wild' features. They were dirt to his foot and he could have easily beat the shit out of them.

Making their way to the store he stood only inches away from (Your Name). "Which one do you like?"

He looks at the blue one and she only smirks before making the purchase.

"So hybrids can live a normal life too?" He asks curiously while taking a glance at a few that were walking around the stores.

"It's not uncommon but they are still treated like second class citizens."

He could only roll his eyes, the humans have never changed.

As time passed (Your Name) was walking around different stores purchasing clothes as she took a pause in her step and told Grimmjow he could pick anything out he wanted. He stopped in his steps and gave her an annoyed look.

"I don't care for these things." He explained before walking ahead leaving her to chase his long strides.

"I'm trying to help you Grimmjow!" She tells him as it irk a nerve and he twisted his body to meet hers.

"I don't give a shit, I'm a pet after all!" He yelled causing some pedestrians to stare and whisper amongst each other.

An officer from the store came out and warned (Your Name) to keep her 'pet' in check or they would be kicked out. Embarrassment came over her features as she continued to apologize to people who watched or sneered as she took Grimmjows hand and directed them out.

The drive back was awkward. Grimmjow was angry and (Your Name) was silent. She had an unreadable expression on her face. Once they got home she went straight to her room and Grimmjow only scoffed and slammed his door in an attempt to piss her off.

Since Grimmjow was a hybrid his hearing was more sensitive than humans and he could hear her shuffling around her room. Talking to someone on the phone. He suspected it was 'animal control' as he cursed and slammed her door open before she could kick him out.

"What the fuck you prick?" She screams as he snatched her phone and hung the phone call up.

"Tryna get rid of me already?" He sneered cornering her to wall as she held her hands onto his chest. There was hurt behind her eyes as she pushed him off.

"Leave me alone, it wasn't 'animal control' if you were that concerned. I'm going out tonight. I showed you how to use a phone, the kitchen, so keep yourself company or watch tv. I'm leaving." The bitterness in her voice explains as she opened her closet to throw on her dress and Grimmjow averted his eyes towards her ass.

"The fuck you going?" He asks as she threw on some heels and fixed her hair.

"Away from you, fyi I never adopted you. I just bought you from them so you wouldn't get killed. You're free to leave if you hate it here so much. Try surviving on your own then!"

She slams her front door getting into her car driving off as Grimmjow cursed and threw himself onto the couch. "She's being sensitive for no reason." He voices closing his eyes, irritation on his face. He was bored now that she was gone. Grimmjow had never seen (Your Name) so angry before as he huffed knowing he was in the wrong for snapping at her.

(Your Name) decided to go to the bar with some friends as she drank and danced to cool off some steam. "Hey how's your hybrid?" Ichigo asks as he pays for their drinks and she could only pout while taking the liquor.

"He's been an asshole, we got into a fight."

"Sorry I know our type is hard to get along with." Ichigo sheepishly says, his lion ears twitching from all the music.

"It's fine. I'm here to enjoy the night."

(Your Name) frowned a little thinking about Grimmjow, what he did when she was gone or if he's eaten dinner. She wished he would enjoy life more instead of cooping up in her house everyday. She understood coming from his violent past Grimmjow wasn't comfortable going out in public but she looked at all the other hybrids that have overcame their challenges. Grimmjow just needed a little nudge.

"Bastards probably enjoying all his alone time."

Her and Ichigo dance a little more that night after meeting up with more of their friends to bar hop.

"Don't drink to much (Your Name) you have to drive home!" Rukia warned as they walked into another bar and she could only laugh at the tiny girl before clinging onto Ichigo for assistance to the bar.

"You have to drive her home." Rukia tells Ichigo as he silently acknowledged and helped (Your Name). Tailing her moves to keep a watchful eyes of perverts and weirdos. Ichigo understood hybrids can be difficult to handle. He also had a rough patch with humans so he understood (Your Name) needed this time to enjoy herself. Her phone rang in her purse as Ichigo cursed seeing as (Your Name) was striking up a conversation with Rukia again. Ichigo answers the phone instead.

"The fuck you at? It's late." Grimmjow voice comes out as Ichigo gave a puzzled look and sighed. "This must be the hybrid she saved."

"Hey I'm (Your Name) friend, she's dancing right now but I can let her know you called." Ichigo says as he heard a loud noise emit from the phone and a few curses before the call ended. Ichigo knew he might have to fight another hybrid on the way to (Your Name) house.

Ichigo drove (Your Name) home as she tried to sober up on the drive back. "Ugh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get this drunk. There's been a lot going on." She apologizes again as Ichigo gives her a small smile and held her hand for reassurance. "Hey it's fine, we all get those days. I don't mind helping a friend out but also be careful at home. Your hybrid Grimmjow seemed very angry on the phone."

(Your Name) giggles a little knowing that Grimmjow was positively jealous.

"How will you get home?" She asks Ichigo as he reassured her that Rukia was following them home so he had a ride back.

Grimmjow can hear her car pull up as he sees another hybrid carrying (Your Name) towards the door. He's pissed and angry another hybrid was marking their scent on her as he swung the door open and snatched (Your Name) from Ichigo.

"Hey I'm not here to fight." Ichigo threatens watching how Grimmjow was holding her possessively and keeping a keen eye on him.

Grimmjow lets out a growl as Ichigo growled back.

"Stop! Ichigo is my friend, you won't treat him like a stranger or fight each other." (Your Name) demands at Grimmjow hugging his upper body to separate the two.

"Fool come out here." Rukia voice calls out to Ichigo as he growled one last time to Grimmjow before taking a step out the door.

Rukia and (Your Name) give each other a knowing look before taking each hybrid away from each other. "Thanks you guys. I'll see you soon." She tells them before closing the door and turning to a pissed off Grimmjow.

He immediately tears her dress apart as she gasps from such strength he possessed. His growls were prominent as he tried to get Ichigo scent off her. Grimmjow couldn't understand why he was acting like she was his mate but something about another hybrid scent on her drove him insane.

"Stop!" She screamed at him as he threw the garments across the room and stormed off.

(Your Name) was hazy at this point, she picked up her dress and went straight to her room.

Grimmjow would never hurt her, she knew he had said mean things but he would never lay a hand, no matter how angry he got.

Lost in thought of Grimmjows tantrum she hurled towards the toilet, her mascara running down and hair pulled back.

Grimmjow could hear her throwing up from in the garage as he used the punching bag. He was blowing off steam as well. It wasn't until the sound of her gagging had his ears perking up. "Stupid annoying women" he cursed making his way to her room.

Grimmjow sees her figure over the toilet looking sorry for herself.

He walks behind her to hold her hair before drawing a bath for her.

"It's fine. I can take care of myself!" She explains shooing his body away but Grimmjow doesn't let her. He lifts her naked body into the tub and starts using all the soaps she had.

"You know each soap is different right?" (Your Name) states with attitude as Grimmjow tail flicks with annoyance.

"Shut up you stink." He says before washing her body and hair. (Your Name) only pouts and lets Grimmjow continue his routine of a bath.

While washing her Grimmjow could see there was still some sadness behind her eyes as he cleared his throat. "Did I scare you?" He asks.

"No, I was just startled. It's my fault anyways. I brought a potential threat to you." (Your Name) softly says while looking down at the water. She felt ashamed for bringing a competition to the house. She could see why Grimmjow was upset.

"He's not competition. You're mine and scent is a big thing with hybrids." He explains lifting her body out the water and wrapping a towel around her.

"I'm sorry." (Your Name) continues as Grimmjow couldn't even remember why they were fighting in the first place.

"Es fine, I guess I'm sorry too." He says nonchalantly but (Your Name) could only giggle at his expression of trying to be straight face while apologizing.

"Stop laughing women and change." Grimmjow says turning the other way as she followed his steps.

"But I wanna cuddle tonight please!" She begs still a little tipsy walking into his room, or what Grimmjow would say: his territory.

A dangerous line was being crossed but Grimmjow would never let her know that his rut was going to come soon.

"No."

"Yes."

"Piss off."

"You piss off pussy!" She throws back as he glares at her and throws her onto the bed.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Grimmjow grins. Her towel threatening to peel off. "Give me a shirt." She demands as he knits his brow in confusion.

"Why?"

"So I can smell like you stupid."

Heat rushed over his groin. Grimmjow still had animal instinct and the fact that (Your Name) wanted his scent all to herself left him hard.

After putting on his shirt she waited for Grimmjow to join her in bed but he was standing by the door. "Come sleep with me." She pouts opening up his blankets as he hisses under his breath.

Grimmjow would not give into temptation. He knew his painfully hard dick would be hard all night but (Your Name) was even harder to pry off. Without much of a choice he slips under the covers as she curled her body in his.

"Let's just forget about all the fighting today. I like when we are happy." She explains half asleep.

Grimmjow stayed silent as he took her hand into his and drifted to sleep, hoping his hard dick would soften by morning.

The sheets never felt more comfortable to Grimmjow as he purred in his sleep, a hand stroking his hair unknowingly to him as he slept like a baby. A sigh escapes his lips as he nudged more into her hands that were caressing his hair and face.

"cute kitty" (Your Name) scowls before a genuine smile plasters her face. Grimmjow was leaning more into her touch, his fine lines of irritation gone.

She had awoken a few hours after the disasters of yesterday. Leaving his bedroom she heads downstairs to make a big breakfast.

Once Grimmjow feels the comforting warmth was gone he frowns in his sleep and flips to his side to find it cold. He growls out of annoyance because (Your Name) was providing so much comforts to his sleeps now.

Heading out of bed he pulls on a hoodie and stalks to (Your Name). He was silent walking into the kitchen as he puts a hand on her head as a gesture to let her know he was there.

"Oh good morning!" She beams as he looks down to see she was still wearing his shirt. He glances the other way and grunts as a response.

"Hey." Grimmjow calls out as he sheepishly reminds her that his rut was coming soon. "My rut is coming."

A blush appears on her face as she shrieks and turns back to the food that was cooking on the stove. Grimmjow just takes a seat on the counter waiting for her response.

"Um... I can't take you to the store so we can find something to satisfy you during that period."

He could only smirk as he felt generous today so he set the table up for breakfast.

"Sounds good to me." He says as curiously got the better of her.

"I don't know why that never crossed my mind... how did you deal with it in the past?" (Your Name) nervously asks filling his plate with eggs, sausages and bacon.

"My hands, or fucking other hybrids when we got the chance too or ride the pain out." He nonchalantly says eating his breakfast. Grimmjow could see that (Your Name) was genuinely curious, humans don't have heats or ruts.

"Ah I'm sorry, you could have told me before." There was silence between them as they ate but the silence was comforting. Grimmjow was comfortable enough to let (Your Name) know his most vulnerable state was coming and she was genuine not to judge how hybrid body's work.

"I won't be a bother... I've dealt with it in the past. I'll just stay in my room during that period." Grimmjow tries to sooth her seeing she was lost in thoughts about the whole conversation.

"Oh don't worry, I'll be working throughout the day anyways so... I'll order some toys for you."

Grimmjow was thankful she was helping his little problem that was going to arise but his other problem was her scent now. He was getting attached to (Your Name) and it annoyed him that a women like her could catch his heart. He would never let her know that.

After (Your Name) did her research on hybrids about their heat/rut, reading the articles made her blush. It wasn't uncommon for hybrids and humans to sleep together although society thought of it to be a sin.

"Um what toys would you like?" She bashfully shows her laptop to Grimmjow as he leans over her head to examine them.

"I don't know any of those things, my hands are good." He tells her before smirking, teasing (Your Name).

"Those rubber looking dicks are for women, bet you got one of those seeing as I've never seen a man in here before."

She slammed her laptop and grabbed the water spray so fast Grimmjow didn't have a chance to dodge. "Shut your trap pussy cat, I get off when I need too!" Embarrassment washes over her feature before she stomps off.

Grimmjow only laughs as he prayed his rutting period wouldn't make him crazy.

(Your Name) and Grimmjow went back to their normal schedule of routine. It had been a few days since their last conversation about his rut. She couldn't help but be curious if he had slept with a lot of women in the past.

The thought of him with another women irked her nerves as she frown.

"It's not like we are even dating or I'm his mate!" (Your Name) pouts as she applied her skincare onto her face before making her way into bed. Dinner tonight was fine, Grimmjow was more quiet than normal though.

(Your Name) had some ideas to leave the house for a few days during that period but knowing Grimmjow he would destroy it if she was not home.

"Hey." Grimmjow says while knocking on her door.

"When did the kitty cat have manners?" she calls out to Grimmjow as her door slams open and he looks irritated. "oh there's the Grimmjow I know."

"Tch, shut it women. I'm sleeping with you tonight."

Her face blushed as she turned the other way to grab her tv remote. They've only slept together a handful of time but it still gave her a warm fuzzy feeling whenever he was touched up next to her.

"Come join me then." she offers climbing into bed making herself comfortable to enjoy the night. Grimmjow goes quiet again as he lays down and faces her way. Tv bored him, some shows were interesting but he rather just tease her the whole night.

"Why're you staring." (Your Name) then asks as she turns on a movie, her eyes glued to the screen.

"Nothing much to stare at." Grimmjow explains as she grabbed her pillow to suffocate him but he grabbed her arms before she could react and howls out of laughter. "Why do you think everything is about you?" he proceeded to ask.

"Usually when people say that it means we aren't pleasant to look at."

Grimmjow only scoffs "I meant there's nothing in your room to look at, course I'm gonna look at you."

(Your Name) hearts start to race as she only scowls at him before scooting closer to his heat. The rest of the night was silent as he drifted sleep. (Your Name) finally calms down as she brushed a few pieces of hair out of his face before kissing him on the forehead. Grimmjow would never know.

The next morning her bed was empty as she looked around the house to find Grimmjow.

"I'm leaving to work." (Your Name) tells Grimmjow as he was punching the bags, back facing her. He didn't reply so she rolled her eyes and left.

Grimmjow that morning woke up feeling hot and sweaty, he knew his rut was here once his dick was squished between her ass while they cuddled. Not wanting to make a scene a Grimmjow thought blowing off some punches would distract his wants and needs but it didn't help as he cursed and went straight to his room.

He had laid in bed, his body flushed as he used his hands for relief. "Maybe I should have gotten them damn toys." he thinks as he grits his teeth to look at his leaking dick. Grimmjow whimpers because the feeling was not enough, living in a home had made him soft. He was losing his self restraint.

Grimmjow chases the thoughts of (Your Name) running her tongue from his shaft to his tip, eyes meeting his as she giggles and gives it a few kitten licks before hollowing her checks to suck him fully.

He thinks about eating her went cunt and ass from behind as she moans into the sheets gripping her cheeks to spread apart for him.

Grimmjow imagines her riding his dick, her eyes rolling as her tits gave him a show.

He curses as he chased his first release and growls because he was still painfully hard. Grimmjow needed to feel her wet cunt sucking him whole, needed to hear their skin slapping together and needed to bite her beautiful precious neck. Grimmjow needed to make her his.

He gets up to splash water on his face, those were horny thoughts. "I don't actually like her." Grimmjow tells himself but he cannot deny that (Your Name) has him wrapped around her little fingers. Grimmjow decides to lock his door all day before curling into bed to ride out the rut.

"I'm home!" (Your Name) yells a few hours after work as she carries in take out for dinner. "Grimmjow come eat dinner!"

The house was dark, nothing seemed out of place and there was no noise from any of the rooms. (Your Name) carries herself up the stairs to open Grimmjows door but its locked and she frowns. "Hey come eat." her voice gentle and soft.

(Your Name) didn't get any response for a few minutes before she heard rustling and whimpering. Her face redden as she remember that his rut was happening now. Without protesting she walks back downstairs to eat.

She was sadden Grimmjow was ignoring her but then she remembered he probably wasn't attracted to her and did not want her help. Her eyes downcast as she ate dinner alone, it was unusually quiet. The night was lonely without him.

She settled into bed leaving soft music playing hoping music may give him a sense of comfort.

Grimmjow hears (Your Name) when she gets home, when she calls out to him. He can hear her eat dinner alone as well as her sad sighs. He can hear the soft music coming from her room and her light snores.

(Your Name) was a nice caring women, cared to much about what other people thought. He did not want her help all the time, she was always caring his weight and slack. He could ride his rut out. At least that's what Grimmjow thought as he smelt her arousal.

"Baby really wants me bad." he grits as he made his way to her room. The door opened easily as he finds her asleep. (Your Name) arousal filled his nose as he moaned and made his way to her.

He finds one of her toys on the side of her bed as he ferally grinned, she was a naughty little thing pleasuring herself while he was on his rut.

Grimmjow dips onto the bed and licks her cheeks, licks her neck, licks her ears as (Your Name) groaned before slipping her hands into his hair.

"Grimmjow." She whispers as he hums in response to her voice as shivers went down his spine. "What are you doing?"

"Making you mine, I want you." He breathlessly confesses as his eyes dilated from the expression on her face.

"You want me?" she asks with excitement in her voice.

"If it wasn't obvious."

(Your Name) gives Grimmjow a bear huge as he groans from her body squished against his, the heat rushing down to his dick.

"Sorry.. let me help you."

Grimmjow is silent but can't help look at (Your Name) with genuine eyes, she was selflessly allowing him to destroy her. Not in the way of sleeping together but emotionally and physically. He was a hybrid and after bonding herself to him she would have to deal with him for the rest of their lives.

"No, I need to be sure you want this, you want me, you want the dirty stares, you want the second class treatment. You want my kittens. You want a world where I am even though the world won't treat us fairly."

(Your Name) gasps as she cups Grimmjows face, a smile is plastered on her face. "I want everything about you Grimmjow. I can't imagine my life alone again. Even if it means going against society."

Grimmjow was satisfied with her answer as he pressed his lips to hers. Her taste was so addicting as he groaned sucking her bottom lip cupping her breast.

"Please be gentle." she asks then as he gives her a dumbfounded look.

"No I'll let my dick rip you apart." he sarcastically replies throwing (Your Name) onto her back and she rolls her eyes. "There you are, was about to say you were breaking character for a moment."

"tch, I want to make sure you know that I'm staying her forever."

(Your Name) doesn't reply but gives him a kiss again.

Grimmjow discards their clothes as he settles between her legs lifting them slightly giving access to her dripping pussy. He presses his nose against it and sighs before giving her clits a long lick. Lapping up her juices Grimmjow grinds into the bed as she moaned grabbing his hair.

"Fuck this pussy doing me good." he says sucking on her clit lips before going back to devour her again. "is it that good?" she asks flushed from his compliment.

He hums and flips her to all fours spreading her cheeks. Her little puckering hole welcoming him as he moans before spitting on her ass. "Baby let me eat your ass." he asks and she whimpers a yes please. He grins as his tongue rimmed her ass and she gasps the feeling was foreign but felt good. Grimmjow uses one hand to massage her clit and the other to stick a finger into her puckering hole.

"Feel good baby."

"yes so good." she breathlessly says as he alternated between licking her clit and ass again.

Grimmjow slaps her ass before lifting her body up to his. "I need you now I can't wait." he pleads as she nods fisting his dick. As he entered her she squirmed because of his huge size.

"To big, hurts." she cries as grimmjow flips her onto her back giving her kitten kisses while pushing in more. "Grimmjow!" she whines as he shushes her again biting her shoulder. (Your Name) whimpers the whole time Grimmjow eases himself into her pussy.

"es okay baby, pussy sucking me good." he says as she nods with a whine. Grimmjow massages her clit as she groans in relief. His hands distracting her from his dick ripping her apart. Grimmjow bottoms out as he praises to her "doing good baby, taking me well."

Within a few minutes of (Your Name) adjusting to his size she moaning into his mouth as he pushes into her, rutting his hips into hers. He keeps a steady pace as Grimmjow watches her fucked out expression. "fuck." he groans taking one of her tits into her mouth as she gasps under him. He swirls his tongue around her nubs loving the thought she would produce milk one day.

He bites down as she cries out. "More." She demanded as Grimmjow smirked and pushed her into a mating position. His balls slapping her ass in a rhythm.

"I want to cum Grimmjow please, please." she begs as he bit into her neck giving them bruised marks.

"Kay baby let me help you."

They go into doggy style as he massages her clit and (Your Name) is squirming under his touch.

"I'm close." she whispers as Grimmjow slams into her pussy slowly but thoroughly letting his dick hit her g spot each time. "yes right there." she praises as her body starts to shake and his dick was sucked into her pussy even more.

She was a moaning mess under him as she hit her orgasm. Grimmjow kisses her back all the way to her ass before slamming into her roughly again to chase his.

He grits his teeth taking one finger into her ass as she cries into the sheets.

"Almost baby." he coos as she whimpers in response. After a few more thrust he spills into her and he bites down onto her shoulder.

Grimmjow pulls out and watched both their cum spill out of dripping cunt.

"I can go a few more rounds." He warns her as she agreed to help him more.

(Your Name) didn't go into work for a few days after, her body was sore and Grimmjow was surprising sweet to her the whole time his rut was happening.

After his rut was over he was different although still rough, easy to irritate but his snaps were just warnings and he doted onto her every chance he got.

"I wish we did this sooner." (Your Name) pouts as Grimmjow purrs into her neck while she watched the outside rain. The coziness of her home drawing them to a lazy comfort. There were candles lit as well as soft jazz music playing in the background.

"mmm." he responds giving her neck a few licks before cuddling back into her. "You're my women."

She chuckles lightly and gives Grimmjow a big hug.

"So it seems, I wouldn't want it any other way."

(Authors note: Hear me out, I want to make a hybrid Grimmjow series. WHOSE WITH ME ON THIS ONE! also I am very bad at writing smut but love to read it so I apologize it isn't the best. I'm afraid I am a nasty girl. But since he is coming back into the series I thought we deserved this little fluff/smut oneshot of him.)

#bleach #bleach x reader #bleach imagines #bleach oneshot #bleach grimmjow #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #grimmjow x reader #Grimmjow oneshot

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sandyca5tle · 5 months ago

Text

Slime HRT - 24 Months

Well, these past couple months have been hell, with a light at the end of the tunnel that I’ve now reached, but still. Anyway, on with the show…

So, before I get into the really gritty stuff, my jaw and teeth were converted pretty early on, as well as my ear bones. The former were a little funky, but honestly nothing really changed there, since I already don’t need to chew things, losing my teeth was no big deal, and for the latter, there was a small blip in my hearing - for a few minutes - but then it came back, honestly better than before. I wasn’t super worried about the hearing loss, particularly after eyes taste and smell, only how long I'd be deaf for, but fortunately, as I said, it really wasn't a problem. I’m pretty sure that my slime has just replaced my inner ear’s function innately, and since hearing is just interpreted vibrations, and slime is pretty good at vibrating. What was and has been nice is the cat ears I made a few months back can now actually function, which took a little getting used to, but my hearing is super good now, if a little overwhelming at times.

Right, on to the less pleasant parts: Remember how in the last update I said that apparently you know when your brain goes, yeah, that’s true, and it’s ‘cause it’s genuinely the most painful, disorienting, and scary thing I have ever experienced. First of all, unlike a lot of other changes, it kinda just goes all at once - I think it’s a survival thing, the brain/core wouldn’t function while being half transformed, and it’d probably kill you if they tried to. Only issue is that this means that your brain basically dissolves over the course of a few hours, which is excruciating, and the weeks leading up to that absolutely suck as well.

The first thing I noticed was the pain - headaches, some of the worst I’ve ever had (which I know I’ve said a lot over the course of this, but I was fortunate before to have very little issues, and turns out transforming your whole body hurts). I tried to take some painkillers to help, but they don’t seem to work any more - not sure if it’s ‘cause my biology is so different now, or ‘cause my body breaks them down too well, but either way they don’t work, so I had to suffer through the pain.

Either on top of or because of the pain, I've had a general sense of disorientation. It started off as just sometimes getting a little turned around in games and the like, but it progressed to getting lost if I tried to go anywhere (which was compounded by some other stuff too). Frankly it's a good thing in the final days before my brain changed that I hurt too much to go anywhere, else I probably would have ended up somewhere entirely unknown at a really vulnerable stage in my transformation.

I also have had some memory issues while things have worked things out. My memory has never been amazing in the first place, but I started to get very forgetful, forgetting appointments, plans, even eating (I'd usually ‘remember’ when I started idly eating random things I had around, which has meant I've lost a few things, but I don't remember what so I'm keep finding things I need to replace). I’m also pretty sure I lost some older memories too, but it’s really hard to tell if that’s from normal forgetting or forgetting ‘cause my brain was becoming mush, it’s kinda scary not knowing. This is also part of what compounded my disorientation - when telling left from right is getting hard, forgetting where you're even meant to go or have come from only makes things worse. Also, try reforming yourself from a puddle when you barely remember what you were before… definitely had some interesting shapes recently. Honestly, it was terrifying, I actually didn't know if I'd ever be able to remember things again (obviously I can, but I didn't know that at the time, and my memory of that period are sketchy at best)

Of course, the pain I mentioned earlier made it hard to focus on things, but even beyond that my ability to focus seemed to vanish. I have been so easily distracted over the past couple of months. Genuinely a glint of light or something could completely draw my attention from whatever I was doing, and then I'd usually completely forget what I was doing, get distracted by something else and wonder off. I apparently walked off in the middle of so many games and videos and just any activity I was doing. Frankly it's a miracle that I have any notes, or remember enough to actually write this entry, I kinda spent most of this last month piecing together what I do remember and have notes of (the notes are not the most legible, worse than my normal handwriting which is awful anyways (there's a reason I type these updates)).

On top of all this, I also had nightmares and hallucinations. The former sucked, but honestly asides from waking up in some weird shapes in attempts to either fight or defend myself from whatever was jumping me in the nightmare (assuming it was a monster one) they were over once I woke up. The hallucinations were worse, since they could appear at any time, and oh boy do they seem real. Sometimes they were small things, noises, or a shape in my periphery. Other times they were blurry, intimidating figures in the distance. And of course with my inability to focus on things, these hallucinations would only be another thing to distract my addled brain. The worst though, was waking up from a nightmare, a puddle unable to reform, and the nightmare continuing as a hallucination in the real world. That'd usually shake me up for a day - and annoyingly my memory issues didn't really seem to extend to them. I'm still working out what was real and fake from that time, and it has not been easy, or fun. My ‘brain’ feels like goddamn soup whenever I think about that time.

On top of everything else, sometimes I'd faint. Sometimes due to pain, other times (particularly towards the end of the transformation) I'd just keel over, only to wake up in a puddle of myself. It was really disconcerting and scary… kinda felt like my brain was just cutting out, and I was a little scared it might not cut back in at some point… and of course that’s one of the things I remember clearly, the fear and worry of that - very clear that the ‘remember bad shit’ survival instinct was and still is functioning, as annoying as that is.

Since I don't particularly want to linger on those thoughts more than I already have, an interesting thing to note is that even through all of this, my actual mental faculties didn't diminish - while I was forgetful and distracted, if I managed to make myself, I found myself just as capable as before. I partially did this to help assure myself I wasn't losing myself, but also because, let's be honest, slimes aren't known for being the brightest bunch, and I've been a little worried this whole time that I'd get dumber or something. The pamphlet I was given didn't really say anything about this happening, but I know from trans hrt that the information your given doesn't always include every possible effect (I know it certainly failed to mention the attention issues during the most recent stage, and the blindness from before)

But, despite last month being basically the worst month of my life, I have survived, albeit a little scrambled, and I'm slowly putting everything back together. And of course, now, there's nothing human left in me! I'm all slime!!! (It makes me so unbelievably happy to be able to say that now).

Interestingly, unlike everything else, my brain hasn't fully gone, instead I ended up with what I quickly realised is a slime core! For those unfamiliar, slimes can have a core, which is essentially like their brain/major organ inside them, usually looking like a small coloured sphere. While slimes are usually pretty hard to damage permanently, damage done to a slimes core can be very debilitating, like heart, brain, or lung damage for humans and stuff.

I actually think I had a kind of proto-core before hand, but didn't notice it, and I think it came around about when my digestive system was changed, since I think my core manages matter-to-slime conversion (I'm guessing this ‘cause that's improved since my core has now fully formed). I guess I didn’t spy it before ‘cause it was too small or something?

On that note, my core is/looks like, interestingly, a kind of verdant green gem. It mostly just seems to float inside of my goo, although I can move it around my body wherever I like, but I tend to keep it either right in the middle of my torso, or in the middle of my chest (at least in human form). Both areas have a decent amount of goo protecting my core, and it looks neat to have it there.

It does actually look really pretty, especially when taken outside of my body (don't worry, it can be taken out of my body, so long as it remains in contact with my goo I'm completely fine), and yeah, just kinda looks like a funky green stone/gem. I am curious as to why it's green, and I'm kinda hoping it's gonna boost the efficiency of my photosynthesis, and that it's green ‘cause of chlorophyll, but I don't honestly know yet, need some nice sunny days to properly test it out.

I did find out that if my core does become separated from my goo, I can just reform another body from stored goo around the core, leaving the old body to fall (but I can just reabsorb it afterwards to maintain mass). Oh, and before anyone worries that I was being reckless, I made sure to check that I wouldn't die before I tested anything.

On the note of stored goo, it seems like excess goo/matter is stored in the core, like fat in humans. I'm not sure what or if there's a limit or what happens if I try to eat too much, but as far as I've gotten for now, it seems to be fine. I have noticed that I actually seem lighter now, I still seem to weigh about as much as I look like I should (maybe slightly over) and as such it changes if I make myself grow bigger, but not really if I eat things. I'm not entirely sure quite what's going on there, as that seems like some physics defying shit, but it's actually super useful, means I can store as much mass as I'd like and not break the sofa when I sit down.

So asides from all of those experiences and changes, I've found a couple other things that have sprung up from these changes. Firstly, I've found that my body feels much more coherent, I'm very much now one gelatinous entity, rather than bits of one and bits of another. Movement feels much more fluid now, especially outside of a humanoid form (not that I've gotten worse at being humanoid, just better at everything else) and I honestly find myself kind of hot swapping between slime ball and slime girl as I need/feel like it. Also navigating crowds is super easy now, just kinda slipping and moving between any gaps (I could kinda do this before, but again, now it feels so second nature). On top of this, my multitasking seems to have improved. I still can’t say one thing while writing another, but I've gotten better at physical multitasking; I struggle less coordinating my ‘hands’ when I try playing the piano for example (I still can't play it, but I've got more of the coordination for it). Add in that I can very easily have several limbs/pseudopods/whatever you want to call them at once (which is honestly why I think my multitasking has improved, it's to facilitate control of the numerous structures I can now produce) and it’s become very easy to manage multiple, physical, tasks at once.

One thing I have noticed myself doing, almost subconsciously (and honestly, this might've started a little before now, but I'll talk about it here, since I've really noticed it now), I'll just adjust my body however I need in the moment. Now, this may sound kind of obvious, but it's a little funky (but mostly neat) to just suddenly grow an extra limb, or pseudopod to hold or grab something quickly, or to just adjust my mass to better balance or manage something. Again, very neat, but a little funky to realise when I didn't consciously think about it.

Relatedly, shaping has become easier, not sure if that's due to practise, or having a more compatible neurological centre, but I seem to be able to shape myself quicker, and I seem to have gained a better memory for shape too, the latter is definitely due to recent changes, or at least, definitely due to the treatment.

I've also still been working on my acid control, which feels like it's gotten easier, but again I can't say whether that's from practice or the recent changes, but I can at least somewhat reliably keep an area of my body acid free now for a bit.

Unrelated to the treatment, but I'm actually much shorter now, at least in my humanoid form, clocking in at around 4’4”(slime ball form has remained the same size, at around 30cm tall). I always liked the idea of being really small, and I can now, and it's not like it really offers any disadvantages, since I can just reach tendrils up to grab things from high up (with eyes/vision so I can see what I'm doing), plus it means I have more spare slime to spend on other, more fun things than just being tall. This all being said, the idea of using all my slime to become really big also has its appeals, but it's less practical for day to day life.

To touch on one final thing, I definitely don't feel human anymore. I'm a slime, through and through, humanity is just a memory. I've mentioned before feeling more and more detached from humanity (if I ever felt truly attached) as this process has gone on, but now that I'm seemingly done, I don't feel human at all. Interestingly, I find this aspect has been remarkably similar to gender transition, with the feeling of being a guy slowly fading away until it seemed alien to think of myself as one, which kinda feels like where I'm at at the moment. I'll likely catch myself still including myself in humanity from time to time for a while, but I can safely say I'm a slime, and I am so happy I can now. So that’s what my life has been for the last couple of months, and while parts sucked - like, really sucked - the end result is so unbelievably worth it. While this feels like the end of slime hrt, I do have an appointment planned with the doc to talk about my next step and hopefully get myself onto shapeshifter hrt, so my next update will probably be about that. See y’all then!

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Tag list below cut (lmk if you want to be added)

@calliecwrites, @friedsputnik, @now-entering-the-goop-zone, @scrubbinn, @lilacinthefog

@mint-and-authoress, @losttodreams, @redroversendjayover, @ariathelamia, @kanithedemoncat

#slime hrt #slime girl #non-human hrt #species hrt #therian hrt #otherkin hrt #humanity replacement therapy #transgender #my writing

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beegomess · 2 months ago

Note

hi!

i was wondering if i could request a slytherin boy reacts or a imagine up to you

but what about reader who’s starting to have a drug addiction and they are daiting her and she’s turning into a crappy person but they love her so they try and help her

M.R. || Tell your baby that i’m your baby

Summary: In the midst of substance abuse and a relationship in crisis with Mattheo Riddle, you face a painful intervention from worried friends, leading to an emotional breakdown in the arms of your best friend, Pansy.

Warnings: abuse in substance use, potential trigger.

A/N: I apologize for the delay in the request, but I really had a hard time getting inspired... I reinforce here the importance of seeking help in cases like this. I hope you like it!

Open orders!

The morning light invaded the room, crossing the half-open curtains and spreading across the wooden floor as a cruel reminder of the reality you didn't want to face. The distant echo of last night's party still reverberated in his mind, accompanied by an insistent headache and an exhaustion that seemed to consume everything around him. Since you and Mattheo started getting involved, parties have become a common scenario. He, always the center of attention, with his carefree and enigmatic way, attracted everyone around him. And you, always by your side, immersed in a mixture of pleasure and adrenaline that offered the temporary escape you wanted so much.

At first, it was all light. A marijuana cigarette here, a drink there. Mattheo never intended to drag you to a darker path, but before you even met him, you were already flirting with something more dangerous. It came from a family that exerted invisible but overwhelming pressures. The expectation of perfection, the weight of a surname, everything you did never seemed to be enough. Substances were a way to escape, to anesthetize the pain it carried inside. What began as curiosity quickly turned into an insidious habit, always with the excuse ready: "I stop whenever I want." But over time, this promise seemed more and more distant and empty.

You thought you were hiding well, but your closest friends began to notice the changes. Pansy, always attentive and insightful, was the first to notice. During one of the recent parties, she saw you running to the women's bathroom, her look disturbed and her hands trembling. When she entered, she found you using cocaine in the sink, her eyes dilated and lost in an abyss she couldn't reach.

She was in shock, unable to believe what she saw.

- Are you sure of what you're doing? - she asked, her voice low, but loaded with genuine concern.

- I know how to take care of myself, Pans. - You answered, with a false confidence, the same mask you wore for everyone. Pansy knew that it was a lie, a sign that things were much worse than anyone imagined.

She was the one who told Mattheo. One night, when he could no longer stand his emotional absence and erratic behaviors, Pansy hesitated, but knew he needed to know.

- She won't forgive me for that - she said to him, as she saw his gaze harden with the revelation. - But she's sinking, and you need to do something.

Mattheo already suspected it. The frequent escapades, the erratic behavior, the lies. Theodore, always more reserved, had also talked about his concerns, about how his behavior at parties was becoming unpredictable, and how he and Pansy were genuinely concerned. "You are no longer the same," Theo once said, looking deep into his eyes, trying to find the friend who seemed to have disappeared. But you always avoided these confrontations.

Now, sitting on the edge of the bed, Mattheo seemed distant, lost in thoughts you would prefer him not to have. The silence in the room was suffocating, broken only by the heavy and slow breathing of both. He had spent the night reflecting on what Pansy had told him and every time his friends looked at you with a mixture of worry and sadness, but they never knew what to say.

- We need to talk. - he said, finally, without even turning to face you.

You turned to the side, trying to ignore the weight of your words, the body still heavy from the excesses of the night before.

- About what, Matt? It was just another party. You don't have to do drama.

He got up, taking a few steps around the room before finally staring at you. The look, usually so carefree and seductive, was now loaded with a seriousness that bothered you deeply.

- It's not just about the party. It's about you. About what's happening to you.

Those words hit like a punch. The air became heavy, the light morning weather dissipating while the subject you had been avoiding for so long finally emerged.

- I'm fine. You're exaggerating. - you replied, trying to move away the gravity of the moment.

Mattheo took another step forward, the frustration now clearly visible.

- I'm not exaggerating. Pansy told me what happened. She saw you.

His stomach sank when he heard this. A wave of anger and shame rose through his body, mixed with the desperate need to defend himself.

- She had no right to tell you.

- Of course there was. - Mattheo replied, her voice firm. - She's worried about you. Theo too. We all are. You're no longer in control, and I can't pretend this is normal anymore.

His words cut like a sharp blade. Anger bubbled in his veins, uncontrollable.

- I'll stop whenever I want! I don't need anyone to tell me what to do! - your voice was loud, hard, loaded with an aggressiveness that masked the truth you refused to admit: you were completely out of control.

He shook his head, his eyes full of sadness and exhaustion.

- You always say that, but it never stops. And it's getting worse every day. This is consuming you, and I can't watch it anymore.

- I know what I'm doing! - you screamed, the anger overflowing, the body shaking.

Mattheo sighed, his shoulders falling, as if carrying the weight of an unbearable burden.

- I just want to help you, but you're not letting me. I won't lose you for that.

His words hovered in the air, but you were blinded by anger and pride. Without answering, you turned around, marching towards the door.

- I don't need your help! - he repeated, more to himself than to him, before slamming the door hard, leaving him alone with his unspoken words.

When leaving the room, the hallway seemed suffocating. The air was heavy and oppressive, the walls seemed to close around it. Anger was still burning, but underneath it, something darker and more painful moved - an overwhelming loneliness that you refused to face.

It was then that you saw Pansy in the hallway, the look immediately worried when he noticed the tears on his face and the crumpled clothes of the night before. She approached with caution, but with determination.

- Hey, how are you? - the soft voice, but full of concern.

- What do you think, Pansy? - you shot, the voice harsh and bitter. - You saw me yesterday. And he was still running to tell Mattheo.

Pansy sighed, stopping in front of him, without letting himself be shaken by his aggressiveness.

- I told you because I'm worried about you. Because I love you and I won't be with my arms crossed.

- Why does everyone think they know what's best for me? - you shouted, anger mixed with frustration and pain. - You don't know anything!

She took another step, determined.

- I know you're suffering. And no matter how much you push me away, I won't give up on you.

Her words finally broke something inside you. Anger was replaced by an overwhelming despair. You tried to resist, but when Pansy hugged you firmly, you collapsed into your arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

- I can't do it anymore... - you murmured, your voice broken by pain. - I don't know what to do.

Pansy held you harder.

- You don't have to do it alone. I'm here.

But despite this moment of vulnerability, something dark continued to grow inside you. In the days that followed, instead of accepting the help, you started pretending. Dissimulate. It showed others what they wanted to see, while the addiction deepened. Laugh at the right times, smile in the conversations. But behind that, you were increasingly sunk in drugs, more and more isolated.

Mattheo, however, saw through his mask. He found evidence that you had never stopped. When he confronted you again, the tension between you was unbearable.

- You never stopped, did you? - he asked, his voice full of frustration.

- I'm fine. - You lied once again.

- No, you're not. And he never was. - he replied, in disbelief.

Without taking it anymore, you left again, disappearing for days, isolated at home. When you returned to Hogwarts, the abyss between you, your boyfriend and your friends seemed irreparable. Mattheo and Pansy were astonished, unable to fully understand the depth of their denial. Each encounter turned into an emotional battle, with sharp words and intense discussions that only deepened the division.

His routine was full of lies and hiding places. The parties, formerly his refuge, were now an arena of internal confrontation. The momentary relief of substances was quickly replaced by a cycle of guilt and despair. You saw yourself sunk in a loneliness that you could not escape, a loneliness that manifested itself not only in moments of silence, but also in the way you moved away from everyone who tried to help you.

The void I was trying to fill with drugs was becoming an even bigger hole. His nights in the clear were filled with the echo of his own lies and the growing feeling that he was losing his own identity. The mirror, which once reflected a person full of life and promising, now showed someone almost unrecognizable, worn and dejected.

Finally, on an especially dark night, when the feeling of hopelessness seemed almost unbearable, you found yourself again in the aisle of Hogwarts, a place that now seemed so far from home. The mind was in turmoil, and the words of Mattheo, Pansy and Theodore echoed without ceasing. The need to escape was overwhelming, but the feeling of being cornered, with no way out, finally began to prevail.

It was then that you had a painful epiphany, a moment of clarity that emerged from the crisis. Maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of this labyrinth of pain and denial. The first step was to recognize that control had been lost a long time ago and that it really needed help.

With a heavy heart and a shaken spirit, you decided to seek help. It was a small but crucial step, and you knew it wouldn't be easy. Mattheo, Pansy and Theodore were there to support you, and with a renewed effort, you began to seek the support you needed. It was the beginning of a long and arduous path, but for the first time in a long time, there was a spark of hope on the horizon. And for the first time, you were willing to fight for yourself, to face the truth and finally begin to rebuild what had been broken.

____________________________

masterlist

xoxo, bee🫶🏼✨

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stxrvel · 2 years ago

Text

the outbreak pt. 2

summary: you've kinda been into therapy and turns out it worked?

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +4k

warnings: nothing really, i think. this is actually kinda fluffly. i was in a good mood.

note: i didn't planned on publishing the second part so soon, but i had a lot of free time and a mind running wild. still didn't liked that much how this chapter turned out tho. hoping i could make another part to see what happened to my girl wanda! see you guys in the next fic, love yall. the feedback is always appreciated! thank u for reading.

(if a part 3 never appears, just know this is an open ending)

part 1, extra: 1.5

“So, how've you been doing these past few weeks?”

“You don't have to make small talk to me, Natasha. I enjoy the silence.”

“I ask genuinely. I barely even see you in the halls of the Complex. We only really talk on missions and we've had three since that happened.”

“Don't worry about me.”

“I just want to know how you're doing.”

You turned your head to look at the woman sitting next to you. The uncomfortable leather chair you two were in did nothing to appease the constant headache you'd been having these past few days. Natasha watched you with an arched eyebrow and her hands in her lap. You knew she was right, everyone was always right when it came to you. Apparently Bucky was right when he said everyone knew but you, and that spectrum extended to everyone always seemed to know how you were doing if only by the movement of your eyelids.

That's why you had begun to avoid people.

You spent more time in your room and in the Complex gym, doing research assignments for Fury that involved leaving the building, the three missions with Natasha (fully mandatory and against your will) and sometimes in the lab with Bruce when he needed someone to hold his canisters full of chemical liquids.

Fury and Bruce were the only people you tolerated lately. No funny looks, no awkward questions, no innuendo; just what they needed and goodbye.

But, that time, you did have to go out with Natasha. You weren't given the option to come on your own and it was understandable. A little bit. Even though you were trying to make amends for what you had done, not only on the mission a few months ago but also for what you had done to yourself for years, you didn't know that recovery meant you had to have a watcher on you at all times.

And what's worse, that watchman came with a bird.

“I'm fine, Nat,” you replied to her liking finally.

A short laugh from across the room caught your attention.

“Tell that to the tantrum you threw Fury so we wouldn't come with you.”

You gave Clint Barton a hard look, almost lying on the other longer couch as if he were admiring the earth from a cloud. He had one arm over his eyes which he had raised slightly to give you a mocking look, and one leg bent so that his foot was on the couch.

“I didn't throw a tantrum.”

“Fury, please, I know how to take care of myself. I don't need two bodyguards behind me all day. I'm fully capable of getting there and back on my own.”

Clint's poor imitation of your voice caused you an undercurrent of irritation, but you easily made the decision not to let it come out against him. It turns out that sometimes you could just shut up instead of exploding against others, crazy, right?

“First, I don't talk like that.”

“That's right. Lousy imitation, Clint,” Natasha had your back.

“Second, I only asked him once to let me come alone. I didn't beg him like a fool.”

“Sam told me otherwise,” Clint countered and you frowned. You felt the smile on his mouth.

“Sam's an idiot.”

“Sam's on Bucky's side,” Natasha mused.

And then, an awkward silence.

That was something you hated and still couldn't get used to. When people would say Bucky's name around you, the atmosphere would get strangely tense and suddenly everyone would go silent. It felt strange at first, but when Wanda did it you understood what was going on.

“Stop doing that,” you grumbled with a grimace. “I'm not fucking marble. I'm not going to crack from hearing his name.”

“We didn't say anything,” Natasha spoke again, her innocent little dove expression getting on your nerves.

Count to ten, Y/N, don't forget…

“You guys always go silent after you say his name like he's going to spontaneously explode. We're adults, you know? There are things to get over.”

“Wow,” you heard Clint mutter.

“Shut up, bird.”

Clint made a negative, game-like sound when you gave an incorrect answer.

“Three points off. Natasha and Clint are in the lead,” the man snorted as he rose from his position on the couch. You couldn't do more than give him another look, waiting for him to evaporate into thin air.

Natasha stirred next to you looking around at her surroundings, the dark colors of the room almost absorbing all the natural light coming through the few windows that were in the building.

“You haven't talked to him yet?”

“No.”

“Do you plan to?”

“I don't know. Maybe not.”

“Why?” Clint inquired, suddenly more interested in the subject.

“Because I don't feel like I give a s-”

Clint made the sound again.

“Two points off.”

“Clint,” Natasha reproached him with her tone of voice and the aforementioned only flashed her a smile. “It's been several weeks since you were last together. And you've had a lot of improvement-”

“That's debatable.”

“… don't you feel ready to talk to him?” Natasha questioned, completely ignoring Clint's intrusion into the conversation, again.

“I really don't know,” you admitted. “She told me I'm on the right track too, but just the thought of seeing him again after all those things he said… that I said…”

You sighed. Your gaze focused on the dark floor, a bluish-green hidden behind a black carpet with red, the most horrible carpet you had ever seen in your life.

“It scares me. I don't think I can do it.”

The woman let out an affirmative sound from her throat and the room became silent once again.

You almost let your mind begin to wander into memories, conjuring up the times when you felt like you were on top of the world when you were really about to hit rock bottom. But you quickly focused on where you were and what you were going to do there.

You were going to pick up Wanda. You had wanted to do it alone because it had been several weeks since you had last seen her. The last thing you told her was that you were going on another mission with Bucky and that you hoped it wouldn't end as badly as the argument you had that half the building heard. After that, she left.

She had made the decision to come and talk to Stephen Strange and had told you a few days before you left on what would be your last (official) field mission. She left the Complex the day after you left and all you had heard from her since then was that she was fine, that Strange hadn't locked her in a dungeon and that she was learning many things about her magic, especially how to control it to have power in things like her dreams. You still didn't know what those lucid dreams she had been having for a while had been due to, but judging from the letter you had received yesterday where she asked you to go to the Sanctum Sanctorum, it looked like she had gotten some kind of response.

When you told Fury what you were going to do, he didn't hesitate for a second to say that he would ask the Wonder Duo to accompany you. Clearly you balked, not as many times as Sam and Clint implied, but you didn't expose any more complaints to the Director's authoritative voice.

So, there you three were. Waiting for the wizards to appear from somewhere as you waited in one of the most horribly decorated rooms you'd ever seen.

“Sorry for the delay.”

The new male voice that echoed in the room startled you. You cringed and turned your head every which way until you came upon Strange's figure standing at the entrance to the room, not far from where you three were standing. Natasha and Clint remained unperturbed and you suppressed your desire to complain about the intrusion. You were the only one who hadn't heard him coming, apparently.

“Y/N!” you heard Wanda's voice.

You shot up from the uncomfortable couch the moment you saw her emerge from behind Strange's body. Quickly, you met halfway and melted into a big hug. You shifted from side to side trying to keep your strength and tears held back because of how much you had missed her.

“You look great!” was what she said to you the moment you parted.

“Don't lie to her, Wanda,” Clint exclaimed, and shortly you heard Natasha hiss in his direction.

“I've had better days.”

“I can't believe the day is here already! You have to tell me everything. What happened on the mission? What happened with Bucky?”

Again, the unpleasant silence.

“Why are you two making those faces?”

Wanda was watching the Wonder Duo right behind you and you couldn't help but let out a big exhale.

You turned to look at the only person who really gave a damn about your life.

“Thanks for everything, Strange.”

The man nodded in your direction. “It was my pleasure. Hopefully everything will be better from now on.”

Wanda waved goodbye to him as you turned around and pointed the other two people in the room toward the exit.

The other goodbyes were short and you were soon finding yourselves exiting through one of the portals opened by Strange, where you met the entrance to the Complex head on.

“Ah, magic. It makes life so much simpler,” Clint commented before starting to walk in the direction of the common room.

Natasha had the decency to bid you farewell and followed the bird's path at a tight pace.

“I thought they were going to join us,” Wanda mused, watching their figures walk away.

“No, they were just my nannies.”

“Nannies?” you saw her frown.

You watched the grimace on her face and almost have the urge to ask Sam to come give her a rundown of what had happened in the last few weeks since that last mission, but you mentally pulled back and offered a small smile to the confused woman in front of you.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

---

“Have you eaten today?”

The haze that clouded your mind slowly disappeared, your head barely registering the movements your body made to stay conscious. The soles of your shoes were too hard for your liking and you'd had to go sit down while you waited for Wanda to return. You didn't know how long it had been since that, but it seemed to be long enough for Steve Rogers to approach the cafeteria table where you were sitting with a tray containing the day's food.

“You look like you could use some of this.”

The blond gently pushed the tray until it was on your side of the table, and the smell of beef stew didn't take long to reach your lungs. It smelled good, to be honest. You looked down at the food and moved your hands to grab the silverware.

“Thank you.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm just waiting for Wanda. She went to talk to Fury.”

“I saw her coming in. She said she had a lot of things to tell.”

“She told me exactly the same thing.”

“And did you get to talk about anything before she left?”

You glanced at the fork in your left hand before looking up and meeting Steve's unconcerned face. You had learned very quickly that it wasn't too hard to get to know the captain in your position as opposed to how unreachable he looked to the rest of the population. He was a rough and tough man, but he would do things like bring lunch to a female shipmate who had a blank stare and sit down and try to chat with her.

He was good. Steve was good.

But he wasn't sneaky.

“If you want to know the verdict, talk to Strange. He's a close friend of Tony's.”

The man only sighed, his shoulders slumping in time with his breathing as if he'd been in alert mode all day.

“I didn't mean to sound so…. opportunistic.”

You rolled your eyes.

“You didn't sound opportunistic, Steve, you're just bad at trying to hide your curiosity,” you expressed with a small smile, but the man didn't look convinced by your words. “She's fine. She looks fine. She sounds fine. Whatever they had done, talked about or practiced, it surely paid off. I don't think you have anything to worry about.”

“She looked really scared before she left. You didn't see her. She asked me several times to communicate with you because she didn't know if it was a good idea to do that anymore.”

“She asked you that?”

“Yes. But the mission was very delicate, we couldn't risk it.”

You nodded in your direction, your gaze wandering back over the food.

“I just want her to be okay,” Steve mumbled and you almost missed the way his face contracted. His blue eyes found yours. “She's been through too much throughout her life and now this. It's like a joke of the universe.”

“She'll be fine. She has us. If she needs strength, she'll have plenty.”

Steve smiled, and then you took your first bite of beef stew.

You grimaced.

The blond frowned.

“Was the smell better than the taste, again?”

You nodded with your mouth full. Your hands went to the glass of water in the corner of the tray and you didn't hesitate to down the meat with all the liquid in it. You were almost never lucky enough to taste good lunches in that cafeteria.

“FRIDAY,” you heard Steve say.

“Yes, Captain.”

“Can you order a 12-inch tuna Subway on whole wheat bread with all the vegetables except the bell peppers and olives, please.”

“Right away, Captain.”

“That wasn't necessary,” you turned to the man as his gaze focused on yours.

“You can't go without eating.”

“I would have been able to place the order.”

“Mmm, really?”

“Of course! Do you think I waste the opportunity to spend Tony's money every chance I get? Even, I would have ordered more.”

“Oh, seriously?” Steve had a mischievous grin on his face and you furrowed your brow at his strange expression. “FRIDAY, make it three.”

You half-opened your lips.

“Sure thing, Captain.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“What's with the attitude? It's Tony's money, isn't it?”

You hadn't heard that kind of boldness from Steve very often, and when it happened it was a complete event to witness. The man was a stickler, everyone knew him that way. He didn't understand the word rest and most of his free moments were only used to keep reconsidering attack strategies. Steve wasn't one to let loose and go with the flow very often, but when he did it was something to be enjoyed.

“You know he doesn't mind, right?”

And the moment was over.

“No? I thought he still hated me from lying to him about the book.”

“Uhm…” Steve fumbled over his words and you were amused at the way his features scrunched up. “He doesn't hate you. He was just angry. Besides, it's been a long time, he probably doesn't even remember that.”

“I think he's going to remember that until he dies.”

“Steve.”

You froze in place.

Abort mission. Abort mission. 911. Mayday, mayday, mayday.

Steve looked over your shoulder and then back up at you, your eyes on the embroidery of his brown jacket. You tried to keep your expression composed and sent him a smile of assurance that even you couldn't believe. But you couldn't do anything else. You couldn't break down at that moment. Besides, he would most likely ask the blonde to come with him and Steve would go. You wouldn't really have to deal with anything.

“He's really coming,” you heard Steve mutter in your direction.

Your face scrunched up in confusion, and you watched his expression of poorly disguised panic. You had told Steve only once, days ago, that you weren't ready to talk to Bucky at all. And, apparently, he had made it his problem too.

“Are you busy?”

You heard Bucky so close that a shiver ran through your body. It had been weeks since you'd last heard his voice. On that mission.

“No, I was just talking to-”

“Captain.”

But what was this, the all-call-Steve-at-once festival?

You sank back in your seat when you recognized the Director's voice. If he was there, it meant Wanda must be coming with him, and judging by the contractions in Steve's face, going from confused to incredulous to dumbfounded to flushed, your friend was most likely waving him out of there.

“A word, please,” Fury spoke again, and Steve barely let a second pass before he sprung out of his chair like a spring. He gave you a look and you could almost see the apology written in his eyes.

“Buck, I'm sorry- I mean, wait here for me.”

“What?”

“I won't be late, I promise.”

“I can wait for you in the living room…”

“No,” Steve contradicted him sharply. You caught a glimpse of his stiff expression out of the corner of your eye. “Wait for me here, can you?”

You didn't hear an answer, but you guessed it was positive when you saw Steve's face a little more relaxed. He looked back at you and barely gave you a nod before he started walking toward the exit. You turned in your seat to see him, and barely caught a glimpse of Wanda's triumphant face before she hid behind the back of a naive Fury as she saw your gaze on hers.

That woman really had no idea…

The chair Steve was occupying shifted and Bucky appeared in your field of vision. He was looking anywhere in the cafeteria before he was looking at you. And well, that was good, it gave you time to analyze what you had missed in those weeks without any communication.

He clearly looked calmer. Even though you two were forcibly put in an uncomfortable situation, he didn't seem to mind too much. He looked a little tense, you could barely make out a twitch in his jaw, but other than that he was pretty relaxed.

You didn't know how to interpret that.

The last time you had thought about seeing Bucky again (which was that very morning when Natasha brought it up) you thought that one of you would run away without even a second's notice. It seemed that the only one too scared about that reunion was you. Surely Bucky hadn't thought about it for a single moment since the last time you were face to face.

And his hair. He had cut his hair much shorter than last time. Its ends were directed to the ceiling and you could no longer mess it up if you ran your hands through it. It would rearrange itself in seconds. His eyes were still the same, clear and bright as the clear sky, his expression just as stoic and unperturbed, his body leaning slightly to one side with his hands clasped in his lap. Almost everything about him remained the same except for his hair.

And except he couldn't look you in the eye.

You looked down where the tray with the stew was still intact. You didn't have anything else to distract you with so you grabbed a vegetable and popped it in your mouth.

Turning your head away, you missed Bucky's gaze on your face analyzing the grimace of disgust you were trying to hide.

You swallowed hard and grabbed the water bottle so that it almost slipped through your hands. It was empty.

You almost threw up on yourself.

“Are you okay?”

You met his gaze and froze. His wary eyes were on your face.

“Yeah.”

“Doesn't look like that food is good.”

“Because it isn't.”

You shook your head and pushed the tray away from your personal space once and for all.

“Why don't you order something else?”

“Steve already ordered me something.”

“Oh.”

And silence.

You usually enjoyed the quiet moments, when no sound flooded the surroundings other than your own breathing and the ramblings in your head. You could really enjoy your solitude and the quiet it brought with it. But this silence didn't come with solitude, it came with tension, strain, uncertainty.

You didn't know if you felt you should say something or if you felt you should run away. If you stayed you didn't know what to say to him and if you left you didn't know under what excuse.

Bucky's light eyes met yours again after wandering his gaze for a while around the room.

“Wanda's back,” was what he said.

You nodded.

“We came with her this morning.”

“Yes, Steve told me.”

“We don't have to do this, you know.”

His neutral expression turned chaotic for a moment. Then he went back to being unflappable as if nothing.

“We don't have to do what?”

“This. Talk like it's nothing. It's awkward.”

“Ah. You find it awkward?”

You furrowed your brow at his genuine curiosity. For a moment you thought he was being sarcastic, but his eyes detailed your expression intently, waiting for an answer.

“Don't you?”

“Why should I?”

“Can you stop answering with questions, please.”

Bucky averted his gaze. He repeatedly ran his hands over his jeans.

“I'm sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable I'll keep quiet.”

“Still, you don't answer my question.”

“It's not awkward for me,” he finally said, his slightly tilted head pointed in your direction. “It's just normal small talk. Between two people.”

You hummed a nod and your head moved in sync.

“It's easier for you to pretend nothing happened.”

Bucky shook his head, attentive. He narrowed his eyes and it didn't go unnoticed the way you tensed your shoulders as the words left your mouth.

“I never said that.”

“It's just what I can glimpse.”

“What you think you see is not true. I'm not trying to feign insanity.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot you're an expert at knowing what I think,” the words left you before you could process them and give them the proper filter, and you were sure Bucky had noticed the way your composure wavered for barely a second. If he had, he chose to ignore it.

You saw him twist his lips and lower his gaze, as if he suddenly felt distressed even though he wasn't the one who should be worried about something like that.

“You're angry.”

“And why would I be, according to you?”

“Maybe you were expecting a different reaction from me. You don't like what I'm giving you.”

You let out a laugh. “I never thought arrogant was your type.”

Bucky took in your gesture and mimicked it. Seeing a smile on his face after so long brought back images you thought you had sent far out into the ocean of your mind. Maybe you didn't feel your heart racing as it had so many times before, but you definitely felt something different from the fear and dismay that normally accompanied his memory. Even though you didn't want to accept it, you couldn't help but stretch a little towards that new sensation.

“I was joking. I have no idea why you're mad.”

The small smile on your face disappeared, and you allowed your head to wander down the paths of self-healing and self-improvement. Perhaps it was situations like these that your therapist always referred to. Stealthy confrontations that you usually used to avoid like rain, were the perfect moments to divulge a kind of self-reflection and improvement. To, perhaps, make known the emotions and thoughts you used to suppress and keep to yourself, the reason you had ended up that way to begin with. That was supposed to be what people normally did, to talk about their feelings…

So you just let it out.

“I'm not angry. I think I feel… embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed about what?” Bucky cocked his head to one side, his eyes scrutinizing your face as if trying to figure out if you were being serious or not.

“For confronting you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, Bucky. Here's to having you face me and confirming once again that you were right,” you rolled your eyes and took the moment to look anywhere in the cafeteria but into the blue eyes that wouldn't leave yours. “You were always right, I guess. No one else stood up to me like you did and I still lied to you looking you in the eye, wouldn't you feel the same way?”

The movement he made as he shrugged his shoulders drew your gaze, and met you with such a frightening familiarity that you felt old memories and feelings creeping up from the back of your mind to return to the surface. His calm gaze and tension-free body was what you had always been used to, and at that moment it was what you were seeing.

You didn't know how much you missed him until you saw it again.

“It's possible, yes.”

“The point is, knowing that doesn't make it any less complicated. In fact, it's a little harder to cope with. Being aware of the embarrassment… makes you more embarrassed.”

Bucky let out a short laugh. Your gaze didn't leave the way his corners turned up and then how his shoulders moved and his chest contracted in sync with that laugh. You hadn't noticed until that moment the change in the atmosphere around the two of you, much lighter and cozier, not at all hostile and toxic compared to the last few times you were together after the argument.

Mmm, maybe you were liking all that stuff about therapy. To be honest, up until that point you had discerned very few results, although some were quite important. Like, for example, you were able to keep your mind clear of self-destructive thoughts for longer, or that you could look at your past actions and reflect on them, determining clearly what things you were doing wrong and why it was wrong to do them. And there were many, many of them. Not just with the people around you, but more so with yourself.

However, in that moment, having Bucky in front of you and having been able to not only carry on a conversation for more than a minute with him, but also having been able to admit to him how you had felt and show true regret for what happened, you were able to understand that the change was much bigger than you had initially sized it up to be.

“It's serious. It complicates the process for me. That's why I didn't want to see you.”

He nodded without wiping the smile off his face. You could sense the understanding emanating through his gaze and, by the way he straightened his body, you knew he was going to give voice to the thoughts going through his head. Bucky usually kept his opinion of people to himself, he wasn't one to go around highlighting qualities in others unless he was asked or it was necessary for him to say so. Because of this, you could learn to tell when he was going to keep quiet about it and when he was willing to let it all out.

“Still, if it makes you feel any better, I can see you've come too far. Six months ago you wouldn't have said that to my face. I probably would have heard it from Sam who heard it from Clint when he eavesdropped on some conversation of yours with Wanda.”

You were really glad about what he just said, but…. what the fuck?

“Clint eavesdrops on our conversations?”

Bucky went blank. His features froze and the tension emanating from his body enveloped you both.

“Well… I only heard it once. Clint had said he'd upgraded the device for his hearing and was hearing three times as many things as he should. Among those things, he could hear you talking to Wanda in the next room.”

“I don't believe it.”

“There's nothing to tell you for sure that he did it again.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“Mmm, two years, I think.”

“Did he ever say anything to you?”

Bucky didn't answer for a few seconds, his gaze seemed lost in yours, with a solidity and strength too forceful for your tolerance. You suspected the answer was positive, but received the opposite.

“He only told me what had happened. He never told me if he understood anything he heard.”

“Uhm, you're good at getting out of tight spots.”

He gave you another one of those smiles that felt like home.

“I've had years to practice.”

The silence that followed his words was much more welcoming than before. You seemed to be able to move around the masses of air so freely that all the tension in your body could disappear in a gentle breeze.

“I'm sorry this was uncomfortable for you, but it was good to see you. And hearing you.”

“It wasn't that uncomfortable.”

“You're squeezing your legs under the table.”

You looked down, surprised, though you shouldn't be. Bucky had always been good at reading your body language. It was almost like it was his way of communicating. And yes, you were.

“You rocked from side to side. Your hands never stopped clenching in your lap. You were uncomfortable.”

“Still, I don't regret what I said.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

You had a duel of glances and you longed for that comfort you had been missing for so long. During those almost seven months of barely seeing him and not speaking to him, you had learned to appreciate the little moments in life. And you were surprised to think that before you thought you were living your life as you were doing at that moment, the present, but you were not. You learned the cruel difference between existing and living, and it wasn't hard for you to deduce why you had had such complicated moments in your life some time before.

You had never lived anything. You went through your life as a tourist and many times you weren't even in the picture. You tried so hard and constantly to convince yourself otherwise every day that it ended up tiring you out emotionally, and in the process taking everything out on the one person who tried to reach out to help you.

“Buck!” Steve's exclamation echoed throughout the cafeteria, just on time.

You turned to see him in the doorway, his raised hand gesturing for the man in front of you to follow him. Bucky stood up, but didn't leave before turning a glance at you with a warm smile worthy of summer.

“I hope to keep hearing from you more often.”

“We'll see if you're worth it.”

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