#but also I feel god awful now
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I feel kinda pathetic complaining about being sad on here all the time cuz like. Boo fucking hoo nothing can change this. But also. I love bitching
#I was cleaning th kitchen with my dad#and any time he raised his voice for any reason I screamed and nearly collapsed#which is really funny#but also I feel god awful now
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the fact that you start the Tabris origin by literally stepping into your mother's shoes. the fact that what you get is a wedding outfit and your mother's worn boots, kept carefully intact for years, tucked away for this exact moment. the fact that you then immediately take the path she never could, leaving behind the alienage and the wedding and following Duncan (who would have recruited Adaia first, if not for baby!Tabris) to what ought to have been death.
And Then!! instead of fighting and falling as she did, cheating death and becoming the fighter she always intended you to be instead??? Reliving and simultaneously subverting the story of her life??
#okay no i'm not done actually#the way it feels like destiny for you to die on the alienage's behalf (soris is still in the dungeons in other origins when you get there)#and not only is that fate averted by duncan's presence#but what feels like the fate laid out for you by adaia's death is shifted too#this makes the ultimate sacrifice ending so much more awful imo#because it almost feels like a final destination-esque reckoning#you thought you escaped? no. this city will eat your bones and spit out a golden savior#who tabris actually *is* was always irrelevant and i am!!!#eating this#excuse me i am just writing baby arianwen and adaia right now and i am Feeling Things#i just!!! her boots!! is anyone listening? is this thing on?? her *boots*!#*buries face in crossed arms and sobs*#dixeram#dao#tabris origin#warden tabris#arianwen tabris#adaia tabris#oh shit oh god i just realized also#you free adaia from the dungeon in leliana's song right#and then in turn escape from the same dungeon#and when imprisoned at drakon's rise you break free from that too?#now it's tastier if you free yourself from the dungeon but#the possibility of leliana freeing you from there as well?? not the same dungeon but the same danger??? ouch. ouch!
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It is so funny to me that ever since the bad retcon movie spoiler news have been spreading, my notifications have been EXPLODING with people digging up like every single KainShin post I ever made or reblogged; to like or reblog, not to clown on.
A few years back, I had to see like 75% of shippers leave my ship in my biggest fandom because one of them got a canon love interest and that discouraged them from shipping the non canon ship. Just like that.
Meanwhile, here the author really very badly retcons the ship into being related and all reactions I have seen so far are either FUCK CANON or THIS ONLY MAKES IT HOTTER.
Genuinely can not express how much I love you guys.
Like, yeah there are certainly people who will abandon the ship, and I'm deeply sorry that Gosho made it so you can no longer enjoy this ship and I do respect the choice; bad canon writing decisions have made me turn my back on ships in the past too.
But I haven't sailed this non-canon-and-never-will-be-canon ship for 20 years to have canon get in the way now.
I just FULLY do not care about this late ass, bad retcon. Doesn't exist to me, the same way Kaito and Shinichi's heterosexuality and Shin/Ran doesn't exist to me.
Fandom exists to have fun with the characters and the world, to play around and cherry pick what you like about canon and only keep the bits that spark joy. That is how I have treated fandom for over twenty years now and that is how I will continue treating fandom.
#DCMK#Detective Conan#Movie 27 Spoilers#Detective Conan Spoilers#KaiShin#felt like reassing my readers/followers on my stance here#but also GOOD GODS we are 27 movies into this franchise#ON TOP of the way over 1000 chapters/episodes and he only does this NOW#HOW could I POSSIBLY take this seriously#between this and Aoko's mom it feels like Gosho is being held hostage#and is trying to let us know via awful late retcons that make no sense#hoping someone will notice and come and free him
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I finally decided to watch (torture myself) a chinese drama after taking a rest from the genre for a couple weeks (aka after finishing war of faith) and my lucky pick was till the end of the moon based only on 1) a post i read a long time ago about how interesting ep 1 was for a xianxia 2) 40 ep sounded like a good number (i was a fool) and 3) it really has a pretty op. And here i am. I went completely blind and im really glad i did? After finishing it yesterday (and crying my eyes out just as many times as the characters spitted litters of blood) i did my regular well lets see what other ppl thought of it in the trusthworthy internet and afsghjsjs its actually incredible how bad some ppl are at consumming media and making tantrums bc things dont happen exactly as they wanted them to. The ed was enjoyable, i expected far worse, and it even alludes with zero subtely to the original novels ending (that i just learned about) but somehow ppl still act as if it was an absolute garbage can when even i, a total blind watcher, could tell it leaned strongly to the happy ending a lot of ppl were crying about being robbed of???????? And convincing ppl to never watch it bc of their own biased pre conceptions about it??????? Pls. How utterly annoying. Till the end of the moon is a fantastic emotional rollecoster that production troubles aside manages to have you totally invested for 40 ep with an ending that in no way "ruins the whole show" just bc it didnt follow the exact step by step detailed recreation some ppl apparently needed? Pls first watch the ending of the rebel and then start talking about a truly bad executed "bad ending".
#till the end of the moon#i binged it in 4 days and im still in awe at how much 40 episodes encapsulating 3 lifetimes can make me feel#then i got online read the discourse on the time it was airing and oh girl. Thank god i watched it now.#Also those same ppl who cry about not having a GE (it literally has a very hopeful ending i dont feel like we watched the same show)#are the same that hated the dream arc and agshdjd sorry that alone makes their opinions invalid#the lesson of the day: never put stock on what angry ppl on the internet tell you about a piece of media#you have eyes and a brain perfectely capable of letting you watch and form your own opinions and judgment#other ppl opinions are overrated the number 1 critic of anything has to be you
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"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."
+ process(tw blood)
Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹
This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:
^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-
#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!!#i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one#and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again?????#mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody#i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever#my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :(#and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg#im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already#but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭#perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote#anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did#and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on#im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ?????#also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay#tw blood#<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood#i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice#catie.art.#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#matador au
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I think some folks MAY have gotten the wrong idea about how I feel about Circe with some of my posts. So, to clear the air...
Homies, I love that fucked up sorceress.
I love how we're never given a reason why she turns people into animals. That's so funny and so awful. And another potion-making magic gal?!?! I love that she's just basically vibing on an island doing whatever she wants. I even love the fact that she scares Odysseus shitless! She's morally gray and that's why she's FUN.
I just sincerely hate when people try to girlboss her or have her be a victim of SA when she never was Looking at you, Miller. Especially when she was actually the one who coerced Odysseus in exchange for his men being transformed back into humans. And even then, while he was clearly afraid of her, (it's in the language of the Odyssey) she likely meant him no harm after a certain point. He just didn't know that.
Why does she need a reason to do awful things? Why can't she just be a goddess who does whatever she wants? That's the reason why I love her!!! She's fucked up!!! :D
I hate what the Telegony did to her as well! >:( You're telling me, this sorceress goddess, who makes potions (!!!) wouldn't have magic contraceptives??? Would WANT CHILDREN?!?! WITH THE PATHETIC WIFEMAN?! No. Fuck no. Eugammon of Cyrene, I have beef with you 🤬
Anyways!!! Understand all the "#anti circe" I have is simply Anti "Girlboss Circe" or the book. I genuinely think she's neat af as her morally gray, fucked up sorceress self and just get frustrated with...everything :'D
#I have these same feelings with Medea and Medusa and so many others. Penelope too. Let them do something fucked up just to be fucked up#I'm a “god forbid women do anything” in the sense of 'she did a fucked up thing. That's why she's fascinating. Don't take her awfulness#away from her!!! please! I wanna study her under a microscope!'😭#PLEASE#...I actually kind of don't like the idea of her actually caring about her nymphs :P maybe she “protects them” but like...#I see her as a “Why are all of you dancing? Oh. it's a birthday? hm okay. Just make sure your duties are done.” while not caring#whose birthday it is. She's not really shown to be close to them during the Odyssey and idk just seems in character for her to not give af#save me morally gray circe#<-making that a tag now because...yeah. She absolutely wouldn't save me though.#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#anti madeline miller#anti circe#<-THE BOOK! I HATE THE BOOK! LET HER BE AWFUL YOU COWARDS#Why do women need to be SA'ed to be strong Miller?! >:(#...Ima say it. The pathetic wifeman is more relatable to me than Hot Snake Monster Lady when it comes to this stuff.😤#I just sincerely hate the fact that people erase what happened to him you know? It's silly but it means a lot to me.#Also I think she got bored of him immediately and simply let him chill at her place.#She's a goddess. She's got better things to do and she absolutely doesn't love him and he absolutely doesn't want her.#I don't have with Eugammon btw. He's dead and I'm exaggerating but I STILL hate the Telegony >:(#tw sa#kind of??? idk#barely mentioned but yeah#Calypso though?? Yeah. I hate her in practically everything except Pirates of the Caribbean because that's not Odyssey Calypso
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Honestly so good that I’m too shy to talk to people because I’m like 80% sure my impulsive ass would just ask strangers if they wanted to try to fall in love just to see if we could
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#i spend SO much time wondering if i could actually fall in love with people if i deliberately tried to#because tbh sometimes i think i could#and i just don’t like how complicated it all is#like sometimes i just wanna go hey lets just date and see what happens#skip all the rest of it#but you gotta keep safety first for one#and also i think most people Do Not Want To Do That#idk it’s 4 am#and i feel absolutely AWFUL#and SO antsy right now oh my god#i hate being simultaneously antsy anxious AND tired at once it feels so nasty#so i don’t really know if the tags make sense#the post should i drafted it a while ago#but was like maybe that’s weird and didn’t post it#BUT i keep feeling it soooo#here you go#sorry it’s 4 am im a mess#ignore me#and my tags#idk what i said pls take it as nonsense <3#im gay and i like sleeping
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To this day I don't understand how Ghostbusters Frozen Empire had the budget to hire all of these absolutely incredible actors, a surprisingly excellent cinematographer, a SFX team that's second to none, AND a phenomenal composer (HE WROTE THE 2005 PRIDE AND PREJUDICE SOUNDTRACK FOR FUCK'S SAKE)- and yet STILL couldn't manage to hire even semi-decent writers (this also applies to Ghostbusters Afterlife actually)
(whoever came up with the Phoebe/Melody plot goated tho)
#it's time for my actual dislike for these films purely from a critical standpoint to come out again lmao#I might write an essay about why frozen empire ended up being a perfect mess#kind of terrible but with characters so good and so well played I obsessed over them for months lmao#god I love these characters so much. and Checkmatch plot ilysm#but I genuinely dislike these two films in about 80% of aspects otherwise lmao#again maybe I should write an essay on this#why the script was fucking shite but the film still sort of slayed in a weird sort of way#I'm sorry to bring negativity here but I feel like a bit of an imposter sometimes in this fandom as someone who actually didn't like-#-the films 😭#not that I didn't enjoy them to a degree they're just ...#not great objectively#like I said terrible terrible awful script and these characters deserved so much better#and also from a franchise perspective...#okay I'll shut up now anyhow#I was thinking about this today anyways#HOW could they not hire good writers 😭#such good everything else....#cass thinks ab stuff#ghostbusters#ghostbusters frozen empire#ghostbusters afterlife
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Amethio sweetie you're not beating the 'related to Gibeon' allegations anytime soon fr
#fluff binges !!!#(my god the past few days have been Absolutely Awful I need to unwind anyhow sdkjfsndfs back to the comfort series)#there's something so poetic in how Hamber assumes this mentor/grandfather-like role to Amethio#while at the same time we're seeing Diana and Liko's bond at the forefront throughout the ep#the parallels between them....... Hamber actively encouraging that thirst for power while Diana praises Liko's continuous growth...........#Hamber's even amazed at Amethio 'playing dirty' in battles for once#Amethio's always been so by-the-books when it came to battling and even honorable in a sense by always striving for fairness-#-between him and Friede (insisting on one-on-one even when he has two mons on hand etc.)#BUT NOW Hamber wants to see more of that sinister corrupted side to that want for power and it's like ooouUUH........ OOOUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#man is a catalyst in intensifying Amethio's corruption arc he ain't trying to save him he wants him to go nuts with this SDJFHSHJDNFS#AND HONESTLY??????????????THAT'S SO INTERESTING#I'm also taking that Gibeon namedrop here as a sign that him and Amethio coooould be father and son#like Gibeon wasn't even that disappointed with him losing against Rayquaza he went all like “what did you FEEL"#WHAT AN ODD QUESTION TO ASK CONSIDERING HOW TERAPAGOS REPEATEDLY SCREAMED AT THE BOY LIKE HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM#AND SUPPOSEDLY BOTH TERAPAGOS AND RAYQUAZA ARE THE KEYS TO REACHING RAKUA SO HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM#imagine if Rakua's in space hence it requiring Rayquaza to accessJSHDAKSNDKASNDSD /LH /J#MORE PALPABLY IT MIIIGHT BE IN A DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD ENTIRELY BECAUSE OF TERAPAGOS BUT IMAGINESDJKFSNJDFN#pokemon#pokemon horizons#anipoke#pokeani#amethio#explorer amethio#hamber#explorer hamber#master gibeon
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lmao i was like 'i think i'm chill now' and then see WRONG OPINIONS about a CERTAIN GAME and nope I'm still annoyed
#god how does this series/fandom have this effect on me#it's been 10 years#i thought i was fine#i was wrong lmao#SO WRONG#granted everything is awful right now#i don't know what tf going on with my cat#and our vet is supposed to call us by COB today but clock's ticking#MY medication is also fucked right now and i was supposed to have a refill today but it got pushed back#now im depressed and i cant make anything but i also can't just relax#husbando and i are both miserable bc we're so worried about ares and we're starting to snip at each other#and um just kinda feeling like the last idk 4 years have been a never-ending series of trials and tribulations#and i would very much like a break :)#if that's not too much to ask for thank you#t: wench.txt#eta - in case i need to clarify im being facetious about wrong opinions#they're just ~*different*~ from mine
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A Game Of Chess
When D/azai starts a game with C/huuya, he wins it. But will round two turn out differently, or will the King claim his Pawn once more?
So the wonderful @onetrickponi requested something from b/sd with ~this post~ as the inspiration.
I decided to go with S/oukoku, so here's a little two-part game of chess, two different situations where this phrase may occur.
Characters: C/huuya, D/azai and A/kutagawa (briefly over the phone) Word Count, Total: 4.8k Part One, Check: 2.3k Part Two, Mate: 2.4k
(CW: Swearing, sexual themes, character with the kink. No technical smut action happens, but it's quite heavily implied!)
~~~ Check ~~~
Ask anyone in the Port Mafia, and they’re sure to agree; Chuuya is a force to be reckoned with. One that, most will add, shouldn’t be reckoned with. And yet, he’s neither the king of the Port Mafia chess army, nor the queen.
“Instead,” Dazai continues, taking pride in the pronounced groan from the couch next to him. Seems his talents have been wasted preparing mere witty retorts. A long drawn out monologue serves to coax an entirely new type of annoyance. “You’re more of a pawn. A mighty pawn! But, a pawn nonetheless.”
“Watch it, you may be able to stop gravity manipulation, but you aren’t immune to other forms of violence.” Chuuya growls, hat sliding forward as he springs to his feet. He corrects it with a single hand, the other glove waving in frantic, yet meaningless, patterns.
“Oh Chuuya, you have something planned? I knew you cared! See, I’ve been planning ways to bring you down a peg,” Dazai pauses to meet Chuuya’s rolling eyes with a wink, “for years now.”
“What a load of-”
“And yet, here I was thinking you didn’t care enough to do the same!” He pauses again, feigning hurt with a hand draped over his forehead in a gesture that can only be described as dramatic. A word often associated with the heart-of-gold, soul-of-grey, detective. “But it turns out I was wrong, Chuuya always car-”
“AHK’SHHaa! Christ.”
Chuuya cracks a grin behind his fist as the outburst nearly knocks Dazai off the counter he’d placed himself on. An onlooker would assume it was the ferocity of the sternutation, perhaps the volume. It wouldn’t be an unfounded guess. Chuuya’s not exactly one for subtlety, although he’d like to believe he can control them when needed.
They’d be wrong.
Being used to gunshots, like he is, the volume was practically nothing. Surprise could be another assumption, though it would once again be incorrect. While Dazai didn’t see it coming, he’s never been one to jump at unforeseen circumstances. It’s simply not his nature.
And besides-
“AESHH’ah!”
-despite seeing Chuuya’s nose twitch, his brows furrow, and hearing the gasp catch in his throat, Dazai’s whole body trembles once more in time with the sneeze.
“Oh dear, Chuuya will wake the neighbours at this rate!”
It’s a bluff, and they both know it. A well thought out maneuver, disguised as a simple taunt. Meant to control the situation, a strategic move, like a chess piece gliding across the board.
“AKSHH’iuh!” Chuuya straightens up, glove still pressed to his nose. There’s a beat of silence, Dazai’s annoyance monologue temporarily paused. He seems at a loss for words, breath coming a little quicker than a moment ago.
Unfortunately Chuuya doesn’t get to revel in it for long, the shift in his sinuses presenting an urgent distraction. “Pass the tissues, would ya?”
Without a word, Dazai drops from the counter. As his footsteps fade off into the kitchen, Chuuya allows himself a single heady sniffle. As expected, it’s deeply irritating, both in noise and reaction. The itch that’s been taking its time spreading through his face suddenly hones in on his nose, increasing with every shaky breath.
“AESHHiew! AKZSHH’aa! Oh Christ… hiH– AMFSHH!”
Using his gloves isn’t exactly what Chuuya had intended, but hell. It’s better than aiming at the floor. Much as he may enjoy Dazai’s reaction to that display, the other detectives don’t deserve such indecencies.
“EMSFHHh!” Not to mention, the improperness of the act is more Dazai’s particular brand of infuriating. “Speaking of the asshole, when is… AEMFSH’ah! mon dieu. When is that bastard gonna get ba-”
“Talking to yourself, one of the first signs of insanity, Chuuya.” Dazai calls, a smirk dancing across his face as Chuuya jumps.
“The first sign of insanity is- hH’AKZSH’aa!” He manages to duck to the side, wheeling back around with a glare. “Is the fact I’m wasting my breath talking to you.”
“Oh dear, was that supposed to be a comeback? It lacks a bit of the wit a good retort should possess.” Dazai mocks, a smile dripping of bitter humour crossing his cheeks. “Seems Chuuya’s tongue isn’t quite as fierce as his glare.” And with that, Dazai leans against the wall, a tissue box still in his hand.
In the time it had taken for him to walk to the supply closet and back, his entire demeanor had shifted. As simple as changing clothes, he’d replaced the off balance vulnerability with a controlled posture of dominance.
Still trapped behind his hand, Chuuya finds his knees starting to weaken. It was clear what direction this interaction would be taking. While it wasn’t something he’d planned, it was certainly welcome nonetheless.
“Well are you gonna hand them over or what?” Chuuya replies, a snarl creeping along his lip as his nose threatens to retaliate against the delay. Despite being pressed against the fabric lining his hand, it seems desperate for further relief.
“Perhaps.”
“Then hurry up, you bastard. I… hh– I hhhave to… hhAHh–”
Dazai lunges forward, the movement sudden enough to trigger a fight or flight response. It takes every ounce of Chuuya’s willpower not to lash out as Dazai, in one fluid motion, grabs onto his wrist and pulls it away from his face.
“Not yet,” Dazai hums, eyes alight. It seems the games have begun; with Chuuya at a deeply itchy disadvantage. Already down his queen by the second move.
Dazai's been careful to avoid Chuuya’s bare skin, despite his ability working quite easily through clothing. It’s a hint to the nature of the game they’re playing. Each move will be calculated, each touch laced with intention.
“aEHh–” Chuuya manages to starve it off with a sharp exhale, his body rapidly beginning to tremble as the power seeps from his veins into Dazai’s grip.
It’s not an entirely unpleasant feeling, some wouldn’t even notice. It’s not like the action of removing the gift has a sensation, it’s more… the lack of sensation as the power drains away. To someone like Chuuya, who almost constantly maintains a slight flow of their gift, it’s hard to miss.
“Not as vocal,” comes the next command, Dazai’s grip loosening enough for one finger to trail down Chuuya’s arm, reaching the bare skin between his sleeve and his glove. The touch is cold, a gasp nearly escaping Chuuya’s tightened lips.
“It’s nhehh– not gonna be easy,” Chuuya lets his eyes shut for just a second, savouring the sweet relief that the false depiction of privacy offers. The promise that when they open again, he’ll be free to release every itch.
Dazai breaks the spell in a single move, the relief quickly replaced with overwhelming irritation. Chuuya’s eyes fall open in time with his mouth as he finds Dazai’s chocolate gaze awaiting his arrival. Nose still pressed against his, the smirk Dazai’s wearing is felt, more than seen.
“My my, Chuuya. Your nose is so warm!” Dazai coos, leaning back to demonstrate by running a finger against his own nose, then back over to Chuuya’s. Biting his lip is the only way Chuuya keeps from moaning. Even Dazai touching his own nose seems to tickle.
“hiEHh– D-Dazai…”
“And,” Dazai continues, Chuuya’s breath catching in his throat. “It’s practically quivering. Chuuya must need to sneeze something awful. I wonder what could be causing this? Hmm, let’s see…”
Trailing off, Dazai lets his eyes scan the room. It’s for dramatic effect, he already knows. There’s no doubt he’s known since the moment Chuuya walked in. It’s unlikely he planned for it, considering the earlier reaction, but there’s no question he caught on fast.
The distraction gives Chuuya enough time to scrunch his nose, a desperate attempt to satiate the ever deepening urge. The action has quite the opposite effect however, a moan slipping past Chuuya’s tongue before he can catch it.
“What was that, Chuuya?” Dazai hums, the action blowing a soft wind against Chuuya’s nose. It nearly tips the scales, only a frantic clench of the jaw allows him to control the burning need. His nostrils flare greedily, aching for another touch, something to give them the ability to overpower his will.
“I’m… I’m gohhnna sneeze-” Chuuya manages to gasp out, his lips parting in a snarl, breath starting to come faster, chest beginning to tighten with his eyes–
“Did I say you could?”
And just like that, the reaction stalls. A tear slides down his cheek, Chuuya nearly whining as Dazai’s cold touch wipes it away, a finger brushing the bridge of his nose. It feels as if his entire face is lit up, the flush on the tips of his ears beginning to match his nose.
“I dohh… don’t think I… I caahhh– hEDT! I can’t…” More stutters fall out, each word only delaying the inevitable. The sneeze is coming, and despite his best efforts, Chuuya knows there’s no fighting it. Not anymore.
“No.”
And still, somehow, despite the overwhelming desire, the unavoidable trembling, the greedy flaring, Chuuya feels his teeth clench. That command was firm, undeniable, and direct. He is not allowed to sneeze.
Words die on his tongue, even the idea of parting his lips leaves him breathless. Once he allows a touch of air through, there will be more than words spilling out. Determined to maintain composure, he feels the world start to slip into a light fog.
“Don’t hold your breath,” Dazai hums, giving Chuuya’s wrist a light squeeze. With a poorly contained gasp, Chuuya begins to pant. “You didn’t even notice, did you?”
Chuuya answers in the form of a watery glare, still too itchy to risk words. Dazai’s fingers relax, dropping Chuuya’s wrist. Without a second thought, Chuuya raises it back to his nose, moaning at the relief the harsh touch offers.
“AESH’NGKT! Merde-”
His other hand quickly slips to his face, only managing to half-stifle the sudden burst. The allergic tears lining his eyes begin to pour over, his nose greedy for a full release. If anything, the stifle only served to make it worse.
“I don’t believe I gave you permission for that,” Dazai starts, fingers beginning to trace up Chuuya’s neck, wrapping around his choker. Chuuya’s teeth pierce into his lip, knees weakening once more. “Though, maybe I’ll allow it. Seems it didn’t do anything to relieve that miserable tickle. I’ll even allow one more!”
Without a second thought, Chuuya lets Dazai pull his head closer, aiming for a bandaged shoulder as the– “ANGKT!” brings him a moment of relief. From his position against Dazai’s chest, Chuuya lets a smirk flash across his features. Elevated pulse, body trembling in time with each gasp Chuuya takes.
“I’m being awfully generous here, don’t you think Chuuya?” Dazai purrs, eyes beginning to dance once more as he pushes Chuuya back against the wall, releasing his grasp. “I think you should thank me.”
From behind his wrist, Chuuya freezes. If he attempts to speak, he won’t be able to hold it back. The dam already broke, the stubborn power of sheer will is fending off the waves. Dazai should know that too… which means this is an indirect invitation to…
“hieHh–!”
…or a test. One that letting himself go would immediately fail. Studying Dazai’s expression, Chuuya attempts to navigate his response. The choice is quickly made for him, as Dazai leans forward with a wink. Shivers race down Chuuya’s spine as he feels the breath against his ear.
“You’ve been quite obedient. Feel free to indulge your own desires now.”
“AESHH! AK’SHHAA!” The double breaks free with a growl that leaves Dazai trembling almost as hard as Chuuya. Another follows on its heels, then a second, third, fourth, the fit continuing as Dazai’s lip begins to match Chuuya’s.
“ASHH’aa! Cahhn’t stahh… stop– hH’AEMFSH!”
A hint of concern passes through Dazai’s eyes as the fit doesn’t seem to let up. “Are you–”
“AESHHiew! A bid idtchASHH! Idtchy. ADSHH’iuh!”
“I can see that, or shall I say hear that,” Dazai replies, making a show of covering his ears with a teasing wince. “Might be the last thing I ever get to hear!”
“Is thad a… ahh– ADTCHh! AESHH’aa! Is thad a complimedt?” Chuuya taunts, pausing to grab a handful of the tissues he’d nearly forgotten about. With a harsh blow, a moan slips out after it. The action lets air flow through his nose once more. “AECHH!” Which of course only serves to agitate it further.
Dazai rolls his eyes with a smirk, hand finding his way to Chuuya’s thigh. “Only Chibi would think saying someone’s loud is a compliment.”
“Only you would mean it as one. ASHH’iuh! Fucking Christ.”
“Switching to English?” Dazai nearly growls, voice lowering with each desperate sneeze. “Is it already that intense?”
In lieu of a response, Chuuya guides Dazai’s hand up from his thigh, letting the cool fingers brush his warm nose. The touch is excruciating, his chest heaving as he attempts to hold back long enough to get out, “Feel fehh… for yo- hAHhh– for yoursehhhlf.”
Dazai takes the invitation, tracing each flaring nostril with his index finger, eyes beginning to gloss over nearly as much as Chuuya’s. His breath begins to fall in sync, both of them starting to pant. “Seems so,” Dazai manages to choke out, legs beginning to tremble once more.
“hH’ASHH! AESCSHH! yeASHH’iuh! YESHH’shaa!”
Unable to fight it any longer, Dazai leans forward and pulls Chuuya into a greedy kiss, his tongue betraying the depth of his hunger. Chuuya lets himself be swallowed into the embrace, hands finding their way up Dazai’s back to grip his jacket. Together they push back against the wall, intertwined in a beautiful tangle of limbs and tongues.
Chuuya pulls away first, only managing a sharp gasp before he ducks into Dazai’s shoulder for another harsh– “AETCSHH!” which Dazai blesses with a light moan, pulling Chuuya closer.
“I’m gonna kiss you again.”
With a laugh, Chuuya pulls back again, mischief lighting up his eyes. “Did I say you could?”
Dazai returns the gaze, hunger dripping from his narrowed eyes. “Sadistic, Chuuya.”
“Shut up and kiss me, bastard.”
~~~ Mate ~~~
Ask anyone in the Armed Detective Agency, and they’ll tell you that Dazai is one of their more valuable assets–
“Yeah, I’m gonna stop you right there,” Chuuya calls from his position resting against the doorway. “The only one who’d call you that is yourself, you smug bastard. The rest of ‘em have enough sense to see you for what you really are.”
Dazai sighs, letting the paperwork he’d been pretending to fill out for an hour lay abandoned on a desk. A desk that’s certainly not his. Along with a carefully forged note asking Atsushi to fill it out, on behalf of one Kunikida.
Turning back to the interruption, Dazai gestures vaguely at the empty office. “Then why would they leave me all alone to watch the business? They know I can handle such a task!” He trails off with another performative sigh, sprawling out over his desk. “It’s tiresome, being so crucial and trusted.”
In response, Chuuya merely huffs a growl, rolling his eyes for what feels like the fifth time in the past ten minutes.
“Chuuya wouldn’t understand,” Dazai continues with a wink, earning the sixth eye roll. “He’s merely a pawn, while I am a king!”
“Isn’t the king practically useless?” Chuuya asks, raising an eyebrow incredulously. “The queen does all the work after all.”
“Ah, a pawn such as yourself would think like that, wouldn’t they?” Spinning in his chair, Dazai catches Chuuya’s eyes with that shit-eating grin that practically screams ‘I’m better than you so I’ll try to dumb this down’. It’s infuriating, and Chuuya finds himself fighting the urge to roll his eyes yet again.
“While the king may not be on the front lines, his influence is what guides the entire kingdom. Without him, the battle would rage with no cause or order, each piece fighting for themselves. A mere pawn cannot take out a knight with pure strength, he needs a strategy. That’s where the king comes in.”
“That’s the player, moron,” Chuuya retorts, a new confidence leaving his eyes shining. For once, the high-and-mighty attitude Dazai’s sporting might be all bluster. He mistook the king for the player, a foolish mistake.
For a minute, just a minute, there’s silence. No witty retort, no smug explanation, just a pause. One hanging thick with deeper meanings, and… something Chuuya would almost call sadness. The look Dazai gives him holds no sense of authority. There’s no superiority in his expression, just a haunting wash of melancholy behind his whiskey soaked eyes.
Chuuya opens his mouth, just to close it again. No words seem appropriate, not while that look remains on Dazai’s face. A look that suggests something deeper to his meaning that he desperately wished Chuuya would’ve understood.
The ringing that sounds out knocks Chuuya from his thoughts. His fist connects with the doorframe before he can catch a breath, blood pumping through his ears. “Fucking-!”
“Chuuya!” Dazai laughs, a cheshire smile smothering the expression that had just occupied that space. Or maybe it was never there at all… “What a foul tongue! And go easy on the offices, would ya? We don’t exactly have the unlimited budget of the Port Mafia. Kunikida will finally have that aneurysm if he finds a hole in the wall.”
Clutching his phone as it continues to demand attention, Chuuya aims a glare at no one in particular. Not giving Dazai the satisfaction of a direct reply, he snaps open the phone and turns his back to the room. “This is Chuuya.”
The voice starts rambling on about meetings, conferences, deadlines, and something to do with ‘assignment reports missing key details involving jinko’. Digging his fingers into his temple, Chuuya considers hanging up on the kid.
While there’s no denying his talent in battle, his mannerisms always seem to hit a nerve. A similar nerve to the one Dazai hits, or maybe closer to the sleepless nights where thoughts refuse to give up control.
A combination of everything he hates about himself and Dazai, wrapped up in one human being. Still, it’s hardly like he’s to blame for that. Not like you can hold it against the kid for learning from the role models he was given.
“Look, Akutagawa, I’m a bit busy at the momen–” Chuuya nearly growls as a noise sounds off behind him, an all too familiar one. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he considers leaping from the window. The only thing stopping him is the prickling starting to invade his sinuses. Too late now, no point in suffering for nothing.
Spinning on his heel, Chuuya casts the darkest glare he can muster at the ‘all too innocent’ whistling detective still holding the weapon in his bandaged hands. Hard to believe a bottle so small can cause such huge fallout, and yet Chuuya can’t deny the powerful itch beginning to spread.
“I’m gonna hahh– have to call you back. No, I understand the meaning of urgent, do you understand the meaning of busy?” Flipping Dazai off as the snickering gets louder, Chuuya pulls the phone away from his face. “hH’ANGZT!”
“What’s the matter, Chuuya? You seem a bit irritated?” Dazai calls, increasing his volume to ensure his voice carries through the phone. “Is it talking to Akutagawa? That always sets me in a foul mood.”
The noise from the phone seems almost hurt, coated in a thin veil of disgust. Chuuya brings a glove to his nose, pinching it shut long enough to get out, “You talk to him then.” Thrusting the phone in Dazai’s general direction, he leans into his opposite shoulder to muffle another “AMFSHH’uh!”
“Speak to Akutagawa? Yeah, I’ll pass.” Dazai taunts, aiming his speech at the phone, clearly putting on a performance. “That would just ruin my day, and it’s been going pretty well up till now. I spend my days actively hoping I won’t run into that guy.”
“You-” Akutagawa starts, before the lines goes silent as Chuuya’s body jerks with another “AHGNTiew! AKNGDT’hah! Merde.”
“Are you alright?” Akutagawa offers, the genuine nature of the question getting overpowered by joyous laughter bubbling up from Dazai. Chuuya barely has time to glare before he’s aiming for his shoulder again as another harsh sneeze nearly doubles him over.
“Oh Chuuya here’s just fine, I think he’s just allergic to your presence! Even through the phone, you seem to leave him in… quite a state.” Dazai wipes a tear from his eye as Akutagawa lets a few faint curses slip through the phone. “Maybe you should consider hanging up, let the man have a bit of time to breathe.”
Finally able to get a word in, Chuuya brings the phone back to his ear with a cautious fist pressed against his nose, fingers holding it shut. “I’b fide. Just repord to Bori idstead. I’b a bid… ah’GNt!” He breaks off into a cough, the tight stifle leaving his head pounding. “A bid preoccupied.”
After a few muffled objections, a comment Dazai vaguely catches about ‘why are you even there’, and a final request for backup on the next mission he’s being sent on, Akutagawa hangs up.
Dazai offers an innocent smile as Chuuya turns back to him, a red hue beginning to flitter over his skin, fists balled at his sides. “What the hell was that, you bastard! Are you seriously trying to– AESHH! trying to get a fucking– YEASHH’iuh! fucking pounding?”
“Why Chuuya,” Dazai coos. “What a generous offer! I’d simply adore it if you pounded me all–”
“Shut the fuck up, you know that’s not what I meant.” Chuuya growls, pawing at his nose as another sneeze doubles him over. “Mon dieu. Did you really hhhah– have to spray that in here? If I don’t… ihihh– if I don’t leave I’m gonna be itchy for hours. ARSHH’iuh!”
“Oh my- I really didn’t think that through, did I? How reckless of me,” Dazai hums, sliding up from his chair. Chuuya feels himself step backwards before he can process the change, involuntarily retreating from the source of the tickle.
Sliding a hand in front of his face, Chuuya glares over the makeshift mask. “You’re still covered in the stuff. Keep your distance mackerel or I swear I’ll breAKSHH’aa!”
“Sorry,” Dazai replies, taking another step closer. “I didn’t quite catch that. Or you’ll what?”
“I’m serious, you bastard. I’m… hASHH! EMFFSHH! AHMFSH’aa! Fucking Christ.” Chuuya coughs out, his nose twitching dangerously with each step Dazai advances. As if just the knowledge of a closer proximity to his allergen is making the reaction worse.
“You’re having sex with the lord?!” Dazai gaps, a playfully smug expression resting across his eyes. “I mean, I know I’m good in bed, but to call me your saviour.”
Not bothering to dignify that with a response, Chuuya takes another step back, missing his shoulder completely when the next “yeASHH’iuh!” catches him off guard. Dazai seems to tremble a little at this display, crossing the distance between them in a single stride.
Chuuya takes a step forward, taking note of the way Dazai allows the intrusion, sinking back to allow Chuuya space to stand. His posture is open, inviting, nothing like the commanding stance of last time. This is a new game, and he’s inviting Chuuya to take the lead.
“Well fuck,” Chuuya growls, lowering his glove just long enough to let the sickly floral scent intrude past his defenses. He nearly whimpers as the itch increases tenfold, each breath bringing a new round of desperate hitching. “IhheHh– I’m gonna sneeze-”
“Did I say you could?” Dazai purrs, the sound catching in his throat as Chuuya spins him around, knocking him into the wall hard enough to expel his breath.
“I don’t remehhmber asking.” Chuuya smirks as Dazai’s eyes flash, his tongue poking through his teeth in a hiss of pleasure. Leaning closer to his shoulder, Chuuya allows his breath to catch once, twice–
“AESHH’ou!”
The action jerks his body closer to Dazai’s, a moan slipping from the detective's lips. Barely a moment to catch his breath, Chuuya lets the second, third, and fourth slip out in rapid succession, each aimed a little closer to Dazai’s neck.
By the fifth Dazai’s panting, shivers running through him as Chuuya’s nose rests against the bare skin. Gathering his composure long enough, he brings Chuuya’s hips towards his own. Dazai leans his head back, eyes fluttering shut in time with Chuuya’s.
“I’m not… not done…” Chuuya stutters out, a single tear running its way down his cheek. The slow trickle brushes against the side of his nose, leaving him breathless, only enough time to inhale for the– “hEYESHH! EASHHMF! MMFFSHH’aa!”
“You know,” Dazai whispers, voice stolen as Chuuya begins to rub his nose across the sensitive skin below his ear. “You don’t have a lot of warning for your…”
Chuuya smirks, pulling Dazai down to his level, breath caressing Dazai’s ear. “For my what, bastard? Say it.”
Dazai moans in response, a mixture of pleasure and submission as Chuuya lets his teeth mark Dazai’s skin for his own. Gentle enough not to leave any marks that will last too long, but not so gentle that he’s not reminded who’s winning this game.
“Your sneezes,” Dazai manages to pant, the aforementioned action drawing his breath once more.
“AESHH’aa! Fuck. Yeah, I guess they don't,” Chuuya replies, releasing Dazai’s shirt quick enough to slam him into the wall with a grunt. “I guess I don’t pay as much attention as some people.”
There’s a faint whimper in response, Chuuya taking the cue to let his hand wander down Dazai’s chest, resting right above his thigh. “However, I can definitely still feel it. There’s a near constahh… constant buzz. It’s just that I’m never sure when it’s gonna turn into a full sneeASHHH’iuh! Fucking hell.”
As his body jerks, Chuuya lets his hand slip lower, Dazai responding in kind with a moan. Pausing, Chuuya waits for the next move. It comes sooner than expected, Dazai barely able to contain himself as his hand grips Chuuya’s back, head tilting down to expose the hunger in his eyes.
At this, Chuuya pulls back, smirking at the whimper breaking their contact coaxes from the other. “Being this close to you is making the itch so much worse,” He muses, rubbing a finger under his nose. An invitation. “I think I’m gonna sneeze again–”
Not one to turn down the chance for a script flip, Dazai grabs his wrist, pulling it down to his waist. “I think you’ve had more than enough of those.”
With a barely concealed smirk, Chuuya lets his head tilt back, meeting Dazai’s eyes. “And if I caASHH’iuh! Can’t stop?”
“Well then,” Dazai taunts, letting his fingers slide up under Chuuya’s nose. “I guess I’ll just have to help you.”
“EHNGT!” Chuuya gasps in the aftermath of the forced stifle, his breath catching once more as Dazai’s fingers do nothing but irritate his nose further.
“I do believe I said that was enough, didn’t I?” Dazai hums, fingers rubbing back and forth over Chuuya’s rapidly twitching nose. The tortured appendage wriggles, Chuuya’s eyes fluttering shut as his whole body trembles.
“AHDTSHH’aa! Fuck, it won’t stahh… AENGT’shiew! Won’t stop if you keep… keeASPTCHH! Keep doing that.” Chuuya growls, leaning forward to rub his nose against Dazai’s shoulder again. He’s stopped by a single movement, Dazai maneuvering himself out of the way with a flourish. Too distracted to attempt to follow, Chuuya raises a fist back to his nose as the tickle hits its peak once more.
“A Port Mafia executive can’t even stop his own nose?” The taunt stops him in his tracks, Chuuya’s eyes snapping open to glare at Dazai as he finishes the statement. “The standards have really dropped it seems.”
“Or maybe,” Chuuya begins in a near purr, reveling in the slight crack that spreads through Dazai’s smirk at the abrupt tone change. “I never intended to stop it at all.”
It’s not easy to catch Dazai off guard, especially when he’s spent nearly 8 years studying your every move. Not easy, but not impossible. As Chuuya releases the grasp on his nose, pressing Dazai back against the wall, he takes pride in the light gasp that escapes the bastard.
“ASHHH’ou! yeASHh’iuh! hehH– ASHH’iuh!”
Mask fully shattered, Dazai can do nothing but moan as each sneeze jerks their bodies closer together. Chuuya drops all decorum as he rubs his nose against Dazai’s neck again. He lets a few groans slip from his tongue, flaring his nostrils as the skin contact leaves Dazai quivering.
Dazai’s response is a simple phrase, barely audible as his voice catches in his throat.
“Chuuya was never a mere pawn; a checkmate well earned.”
#waterfallwrites#i'm gonna be honest i wrote both of these in one session each and then edited for typos/anything obivous#but this was stream of consciousness style writing so i hope to GOD its enjoyable hahaha#also soukookoo for cocopuffs is just gonna live in my head now#anyways i hope you enjoyyyy~ and that i did justice to the prompt!#i just couldnt get the idea of someone fighting against it out of my head too-#and honestly i feel like both of these are what s/oukoku is#a mixture of teasing from one side then teasing back from the other#d/azai more often in control yes- but c/huuya can hold his own more than people give him credit for#ANYWAYS character study mode turned off ahaha#throwin this out there hoping it's not awful <3#s/oukoku#d/azai#c/huuya
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anyone else ever have this happen
#the other day someone was like 'waow your hair is getting so long' and i was like 'meh maybe its a little longer than how i keep it usually'#went looking for pics and brother. that shit has doubled in length. i had a(n unbleached) chin length bob last september#i also had yknow. parents last september and im going through memories on my phone and im just like. god fucking damn huh#do you ever look at old photos and think 'that is NOT the same person?' because i get that feeling when i see pictures of me as a kid#and i get this feeling of protectiveness and sympathy towards i dont know. pics i see of 7 year old me normally!#and now im getting that exaaact same feeling towards pics of... 23 yr old me. like... aw bud. jesus christ. Does He Know . png#i look haunted i look vexed in newer pictures. like the difference is there you can see it ugh ugh ugh. Anywayssss#my art
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I did the screenshot redraw thing again.
#I’m so glad I went to a more pink palette for wedge#orange and pinks and pinkish magentas just make sense#also I’m so sorry but jawbreaker’s design was IN MY OPINION god awful#I could rant about it but I’m not risking it I don’t want to hurt the Dino boy’s feelings#tf fan continuity#transformers bold bright brisk#maccadam#transformers#maccadams#wedge#my art#I’m just now realizing how different these two wedges look side by side and I’m honestly stunned
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post depressive episode clarity like what the fuck do you mean they'll never disappear, just fade.
#mine#tw: sh#i'll be a 30yo woman a 40yo woman a 50yo woman a 60yo woman and someday an old woman with SCARS ON MY ENTIRE LEGS?? like forever????#and i KNOW i broke through enough skin layers for these to never heal entirely like catscratches do#forever? for real? like the rest of my days? i'm never gonna have a healthy clean body like everyone else ever again?#it's THAT easy to just throw it away forever in a second?#i'm gonna be sick#what the fuck man#like both shoulders both thighs both calves entirely ruined#what the actual. fuck.#FUCK.#the awful part of the last year is over thank god#it was an episode lasting from like idk january until#august maybe#i think i'm finally feeling better#but i was really looking into legal psychiatric euthanasia there. drafting my fucking mail to the Dying With Dignity type companies#cause i went to a shrink who told me that i have bpd and while i didn't believe him#fact of the matter is that in some eu countries you're allowed to get euthanized for that. so .#but that doesn't matter i'm a bit better now i'm not thinking about it as much anymore#but it sickens me that#not only do i have to fucking take it alone#but i also have to deal with a lifetime of ridicule disgust “turn off” and pity afterwards#my own best friend told me to make sure to cover up when we slept at a relative's#and i felt it was ridiculous that anyone could even judge me negatively based on the scars when it's me who had to deal with this shit#not them!! and clearly it wasn't fucking easy!!! like if anyone it's not you who's getting hurt from this!!!!!!#i asked her whether she would ever be thrown off by seeing healed scars#and in the coldest tone she replied 'No but I would not know how to explain that to my kids.'#the relatives did not. in fact. have kids.
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acting like it's not traumatic to hear about atrocities you cant stop and see dying people you can't help every day is fucking insane actually
#spire rambles#i mean. fine. to be fair. maybe those posts arent supposed to apply to me (literal actual high schooler).#however. jesus fucking christ good lord. good god.#'shut up it's not like anything happened to YOU.' can i fucking kill you. god.#'feeling guilty over your privilege isnt trauma' YOU DO NOT FUCKING KNOW HOW GENUINELY TRAUMATIC GUILT IS. YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW#'you shouldnt make it about you other people are suffering more' oh and now youre making me feel guilty about feeling guilty. sweet!#youre no better than a 'starving children in africa' parent and also you sound catholic#'you SHOULD feel guilty and awful and horrible but if you even remotely ACT LIKE youre under a lot of stress or god forbid TALK ABOUT IT#in a way that implies you would rather NOT FEEL AWFUL you are a MORALLY BANKRUPT EVIL PERSON'#you sound catholic. you literally sound catholic
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Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3
#Personal#Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ#I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month#And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful#Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working#Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened#I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good#I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad#I just can't right now. I'm sorry#Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night#Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm#Doing hw until 3am etc etc#It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever
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