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laufeysvalentine · 14 days ago

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i want you.

remus lupin x fem!reader | masterlist

summary ༄ remus x best friend!reader -- or in which you're in love with your best friend, but he's not exactly in love with you back... angst

word count ༄ 3.2k

nora’s notes ༄ eeek my first writing post!! i'm so excited. this is kind of bad but IDC part two will be coming and i swear will be better written okay enjoy!! mwah 💘

“moony!” you sing-song as you twirl into his dorm, lips spread into a wide grin. “we’re leaving for hogsmeade, hurry up.”

he’s on his bed, glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose as he glances up from his book, suppressing a smile when he sees you. “hi, y/n.”

he embodies the word comfort, you think. he’s wearing one of his trademark warm wool sweaters, an empty mug of tea by his knee, gray blanket draped across his lap, and that smile. it would be the death of you, you were sure of it.

“hi,” you respond, clasping his book and setting it onto his bedside table. “c’mon, everyone’s waiting for us downstairs.”

he sighs so deeply you think he might crack a lung, and loops his pointer finger through one of the belt loops of your jeans to pull you onto his bed. “do we have to?”

as much as you’d like to stay here with him, you also want to buy more chocolate frogs, so you spring back up, tugging at his hand. “yes, please. i’m low on my candy stock.”

he groans, letting you pull him off of his bed and out of the dorm. “your sweet tooth is killing me.”

you shrug. “that’s what you signed up for when you said yes to being friends in first year. now you’re just living with it.”

he just hums in agreement, letting you wrap your arm around his. remus lupin, your best friend. he’s the kindest man you’ve ever met, let alone known. it would be a lie to say you weren’t completely and utterly in love with him, and even more of a lie to say you hadn’t been since before you were a teenager, even if you didn’t understand it then. but, alas, as soon as you’d admitted it to yourself, you also resolved to never, ever tell him. you were sure he didn’t feel the same about you, and why would you carelessly toss away the best friendship and most understanding person ever just for some feelings?

and so, you waited and hoped, prayed that it would go away. you would move on and keep your friendship.

and, of course, you didn’t.

“y/n!” james calls once he sees the two of you walking down the stairs to where the rest of the marauders are waiting. “finally.”

“we sent you up like ten minutes ago,” peter complains, frowning.

you shrug. “oops.”

remus shifts his arm to settle around your waist, nudging you in front of him. “well, we’re here now, so get a move on.”

you thread the hand he placed on your stomach with your own, thumb rubbing circles onto his. he smiles down on you, and that smile, oh, lord. you could see it a million times and never have enough. you’d jump over bridges to have him watch you like that all the time. you’d sell your soul to be his, really and truly. and the worst part is, you have no shame about it. merlin, you’re in love.

—

jelly beans or chocolate frogs, that is the question. you glance at one, then the other, then the other again. your shoulders slump. it’s too hard of a decision. you’re about to cave and get both when you feel warm arms wrap around your waist, a chin settling onto your shoulder. without looking, you press a kiss to remus’ cheek. “hi.”

“hi,” he replies, inhaling your scent, nose tucked between your ear and your hair.

“chocolate frogs or jelly beans?” you ask anxiously, holding up the two in front of you. “or both?”

“both,” he agrees with you, and you can feel the tension slowly leaving him as he stands behind you, entwined with you.

you nod, happy with his judgment, about to speak when someone beats you to it.

“remus?” a voice yells from behind, excitement coloring her tone.

you know who this is without looking too, but you wish you didn’t. remus slowly stands back to his whole height, and the sudden absence of his warmth makes you shiver. you turn just as he does, even if you don’t want to see the girl beaming at him.

you know her, of course you do. doesn’t everyone know celeste huxley, the most beautiful hufflepuff to grace hogwarts’ campus? angels sing when she walks past, men and women fall to her feet in her wake. she’s worshiped, adored. okay, you’re being dramatic, but still.

you hate her.

you hate her silky hair, her evergreen smile, her cesspool of kindness.

and you hate yourself more for hating her. she’s never been mean to you a day in her life, she couldn’t be mean to anyone even if she tried. but still. she’s who you’ve tried to be your whole life. she is the blueprint, the model with cherry-red high heels you wobble and blister your feet in. she has all Os on her OWLs, victoria’s secret hair, people who love on her like a celebrity. and she’s fucking obsessed with your best friend, of course. she could have anyone in the world, and she picked him. why couldn’t she love sirius or james, like half the girls at the school? why did she have to want remus?

and the worst part is, she deserves him. he deserves someone as perfect as he is, even if that’s celeste.

as you swallow down your hatred, you realize she’s started to pull remus away from you, pulling on his sleeve towards the jelly slugs, and you almost lob your stupid chocolate frog at her head. tears sting your eyes and you try your best to blink them back as you watch remus watch you, only half-listening to her blabber. he knows you hate her, and the most sheepish, guilty look comes over his face. you ignore him, putting your candy back, too upset to think about eating it. luckily, you spot sirius in the corner and quickly try to make your way over him when you’re pulled back.

remus has got ahold of your belt loops again, and you watch him whisper something to celeste before gently removing her hand from his sweater and pulling away. he chose you now, but for how long? the thought chills you, goosebumps prickling your skin, your heart.

“dove,” he says quietly by your ear. “what happened to your candy?”

“didn’t want it,” you mumble, walking towards sirius.

“why not?” he’s dancing around the topic, and both of you know it.

“not hungry.”

“i’m sorry.”

“s’not your fault,” you say. you’re not mad at him, you could never really be mad at him, but you’re upset nonetheless. you push away towards the black-haired boy perusing the shelves. “siri, you done?”

you link arms with your other friend, leading him out of honeyduke’s, leaving remus trailing behind.

—

“hi dove.” a voice, and its accompanying owner, peeks out from the doorway into your dorm. “may i come in?”

“hi rem,” you say in response, beckoning him in, putting your book to the side to let him crawl onto you. “can’t you always?”

his shoulders sag slightly, slumping into your bed as soon as he reaches it. his head is in your lap, and he closes his eyes once you begin to massage his scalp with your fingers, pressing a kiss to your exposed hipbone next to him.

you don’t say anything, you just let the silence dance between the two of you.

he’s so pretty. you brush some of his sandy strands out of his face to let yourself just admire him. the towering giant and all his gentleness. your fingers trace the outlines of his face, the scars that decorate it, all the way down to his right pinky, where he has the cutest tattoo.

i love you is all you want to say. the words pulse at your throat, begging you to let them free. but you can’t. you can’t lose him. anyone else, sure, you would do it. but not him. not remus, your remus.

when he wakes, groggy but grounded, you have a hot cup of tea ready by your bed, ready for his consumption. you hand it to him as soon as he’s fully awake, pulling himself off of you to accept the mug. “i don’t deserve you, dovie.”

“don’t say stuff like that, rem. if anything, you deserve better.” you press a kiss to his cheek, smiling.

“there’s nobody and nothing better than you,” he promises, hand landing on your lower thigh to massage it gently. you smile, letting the quiet linger between the two of you a little longer before speaking up.

“you wanna talk about it?” you ask, watching him sip his tea.

he gives you the most adoring smile, and you want to put it in a box and lock it up and keep it forever. “just tired.”

“okay,” you say, searching his face to verify what he’s saying. “you can always talk to me, you know.”

“thank you.” remus is always sincere, it’s one of the things you love about him, but he seems especially sincere now. “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, y/n.”

“and you are to me,” you whisper, eyes dipping to his plush pink lips. you want to kiss him so badly right now, but you know he just means it like a friend, as much as you wish it wouldn’t.

swallowing, you wipe those ideas away, choosing to rest your head against his fleece sweater-covered shoulder. he drops a kiss onto the top of your head, and you sigh in contentment. this is why you refuse to tell him you love him. you couldn’t live without these moments.

“there’s a party tonight at nine-ish,” he says softly. his thumb is rubbing circles on your knee. “sirius is dragging me along. will you come?”

you contemplate it only briefly. “i’m tired, rem. you should go, though.”

“i’ll stay back with you,” he decides with resolution. your heart melts, it’s sweet of him to want to stay with you, but you want him to have fun. plus, you can feel in how his body coiled with excitement when he talked about it–he wants to go.

“no, go.” you glare playfully at him. “i won’t forgive you if you don’t.”

“i’ll stay with you,” he repeats, staring right back at you. “it’s just a party. i’d stay with you forever, you know? you’re my favorite person.”

“i’ll be mad at you if you don’t go, i swear to merlin,” you egg him on, heart melting.

“no.” he’s too stubborn for his good.

“i want to be alone,” you lie. you know he wants to go and you refuse to hold him back. “i might come later on, just not at nine. i’ll be there at ten, maybe.”

“and i’ll wait for you,” he promises.

“please, remus.” you put on your saddest tone, gaze up at him pleadingly. “i just need some alone time.”

“you want to be alone?” he asks cautiously, searching for any hint you may be lying.

“yes.” you cross your toes, tucked under your quads.

he’s hesitating, and as if in perfect timing, a knock sounds at your door before a familiar head of black hair peeks through.

“moony, let’s go. leave poor y/n alone.” sirius clicks his tongue.

you push remus’ shoulder lightly, gesturing for him to go. he casts one long look at your face, as if memorizing every ridge.

“she’s not going to change while we’re gone, get a move on,” sirius groans from the door. you nod at the statement, and remus concedes.

“i’ll be here the whole time,” you promise.

“call me if you get lonely.” he makes you swear before reluctantly getting up. you kiss his hand to send him off.

you were lying when you said you would join him at nine. five minutes after he’s out the door, you’re fast asleep under the covers, the ghost of his touch comforting you.

—

as soon as your eyes open, you let out a sound of disappointment. you can tell you haven’t slept through the night, as none of your roommates are in their beds, and they always sleep in. the clock reads that it’s only a bit before eight forty five, and you roll over in your bed. you know you won’t be able to fall back asleep, but you try anyway, until the door slams and your eyes fly open.

it’s lily, face flushed with the cold and excitement. the second she sees you kissed by sleep, she covers her mouth. “sorry, y/n! were you sleeping?”

you wave her off. “no, i was already awake. what’s up?”

“james is going to be at the party tonight. will you come? please, please, please? i don’t want to go alone with him,” she begs. “please.”

you weigh your options: if you stay here, you’ll just lay in bed, not sleeping. you might as well go with her, you’ll see remus there too.

“okay,” you agree, and she practically drags you out of bed, she’s so happy.

—

even though lily’s the one who dragged you here to keep her away from james, she’s off with him in a corner within ten minutes of you getting there, leaving you in a sea of other people, alone. of course, you know most of your housemates that are stuffed into this crowded common room, but you don’t know any particular one of them enough to properly go up to and chat. you sit awkwardly on a couch for a few minutes, next to couples making out, before finally just giving up and getting ready to leave.

you saw sirius going into a bedroom with someone, so he’s out of the picture, peter’s smoking in the corner with some ravenclaws you have no interest in speaking with, james is alone with lily, and he’d kill you if you interrupted them, and you have absolutely no clue where remus is.

whatever. you walk towards the door to the girls’ dormitories, stumbling over students on the way, when you just barely catch a glimpse of sandy hair outside on a balcony. you’d know it anywhere–that’s remus. you scramble towards him, eager to see a friendly face, hand cracking the door open, when just as quickly as it came, the excitement dies in your throat.

because just behind remus is a girl you hate to see. celeste, hair floating behind her. if you blink hard enough, you see a breeze wafting through her hair as her fingers knot around remus’–your remus–neck. his hands are on the small curve of her waist, and he’s pushing her against the railing and, oh god–they’re kissing.

you let out a thick gasp and your hand slaps over your mouth. you turn and flee. they probably heard you, but they can’t maneuver through the crowd like you can. within seconds, you’re sure you’ve lost any trace of them, darting through people as you sprint outside to the outside of the castle. sure it’s past curfew, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

no one will see you now.

he’s supposed to be yours. he was yours, he was yours in more than just a best friend. those nights when he fell asleep in your bed, having you wrap your arms around him for warmth, he was yours. when you always visited him post-full moon in the apothecary, and as much as he wishes to push you away, you never let him, he was yours then. when he lets you in, truly and fully, and lets himself cry against you, letting you take care of him for once. you’re the only person he’s ever let himself cry in front of.

and even though you’d deny it a million times, and you did, to sirius, to james, you’ve always hoped that he liked you back. deep down, in the parts of your soul you only ever showed to him. he didn’t have to love you, even. just like, that would be enough. anything would.

but that was too much for him, clearly.

you’re crying. tears, fat and hot, soaking the skin on your cheeks. head in your hands, letting your open palms pool the salty water. you feel nothing but yourself and the wind against the cold of the stone steps, whipping your hair around.

“dove.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, hoping you’re hallucinating, praying the voice you just heard wasn’t real. you couldn’t see him right now. that would be humiliating.

“y/n?”

you crack your eye open when you hear the same voice, trying to swallow your sobs back and failing as they manifest into ugly hiccups. you’re not hallucinating. merlin damn it.

in front of you, peering up at your blotchy face, is remus lupin, your best friend. the man who’s not yours.

he’s on the step below you, but one hand snakes its way onto your knee, soothing your skin with his slender thumb, the other finding your hand to intertwine your fingers. fuck, his touch both makes you lean into him and want to throw up at the same time. his eyes are chock-full of compassion, and god, you hate it. “what’s wrong?”

his words send you blubbering into tears again, rubbing at your eyes as something splits open in your chest. “n-nothing.”

“something’s wrong, love. let me help you. let me in,” he pleads in the softest tone, and you have to fight to not give in, to wrap your arms around him and never let go. remember celeste, remember that terrible sight of his lips on hers.

“remus, leave me alone.” you’re shaking, but somewhere inside you, you find your resolve. you stand, pulling away from him, and make to run back inside the castle, but his long legs catch up to you easily, arm shooting around your waist when your knees buckle and you collapse onto the floor in sobs.

“y/n, you’re scaring me,” he says, panic accumulating in his voice. “please tell me what’s wrong and i’ll fix it, i promise. please, baby. it’s killing me hear you cry.”

you’re so close to the doors, you can see them. you stand again. “you don’t get to say that.”

“what?” his arm’s still around your shoulder and you shove it off.

“stop it! you’re so mean, remus. you don’t get to call me dove and call me baby and say stupid things like how there’s nobody better than me and i’m your favorite person and then go off and kiss other girls,” you spit out on the verge of hyperventilating. you don’t even know what you’re saying anymore. it’s just coming out, spewing out of your mouth like the vomit that’s sure to follow. but even as each word shocks you, you know they ring true. “i hate you for it. i hate you for leading me on for years when i’ve loved you since we were kids! you’re terrible, remus. i hate you.”

he’s absolutely stunned trying to process your words, and you use the momentary distraction to race back into the school, gunning for your dorm and locking it once you’re inside. the image of celeste and remus plays through your mind all night, so much that you can barely even think about how you confessed your love to him.

masterlist | next part

tags @lydiasfalling @dancingwithourhandsuntied

#nora's scribbles ᝰ.ᐟ #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus x reader #remus lupin angst #marauders #the marauders #x reader #harry potter #hp #marauders x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin fic #laufeysvalentine #I LOVE U!

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two-white-butterflies · 7 months ago

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❀ - so confusing sometimes | multi

Description: i have a request for some beautiful lotr elves! how would they react to their human s/o being so…human? sleep talking, bumping their hips on a counter, catching their clothes on doorknobs, expressive, etc? REQUEST

Thranduil. Legolas. Elrond.

A/N: I wanted to squeeze as much elves in here but alas I only wanted to make this for the elves that (i feel like) i know.

Thranduil of Greenwood (Sleep-Talking)

He's been having difficulties with sleep.

It all started after the darkness took hold of his kingdom, placing his people's lives in danger. How was he to rest? When his soldiers were risking their lives fighting against the darkness - all while he had the luxury of sleep, on a soft bed with his lady-wife beside him.

His human.

Gods, another reminder of why he cannot sleep.

He fears that time will steal you away from him. Your life was a mere blink of an eye to him, a minute of rain and he'll be thrown back into the barren desert. He cannot bare to lose you. It will consume his soul with grief. It will ruin him. It will kill him.

"Catch the fish, Thran." you mumbled in your sleep.

He raises an eyebrow, believing you to be awake. "It's a big one." you continued mumbling, while burrowing deeper into the sheets. "Meleth," he whispers, wrapping his arms around you. "But I feel bad, we should let it go." you hummed.

He forgets about his fears - his anxiety.

You looked adorable while sleeping - evidently still dreaming about the summer you both spent in Laketown. Before the darkness. Before the clock ticked against your favor.

"I am quite hungry." you bit your lower lip.

Thranduil chuckles, pulling your body closer until your head was on his chest. "Continue dreaming, my love. I hope that you find light in your dreams, as we've been surrounded by darkness as of the late." he whispered, although you were unable to hear.

Still dreaming about the past, and mumbling strings of incoherent words about fist and lunch.

Legolas of Greenwood (Bumping their hips on a counter)

Legolas was perhaps the most hilarious elf in all of Arda. He likes making jokes, sharing anecdotes of all the trees he's had a conversation with. He's always on top of a tree, coming home all covered in mud. He was adorable.

But he was still an elf.

He still possessed grace and elegance. He's never scraped his knees as a child. He never loses his balance. He always has his shoulders squared, and walking in a straight line.

"Chocolate is evidently better than vanilla." he rolled his eyes at you.

"You are an elfling." you say plainly, continuing to mix the batter for his father's nameday cake. "Chocolate is naturally better. When an elfling wants to be happy, they don't reach for the vanilla, they climb the counter and reach for the hidden chocolate." he defends.

But you can see through him. He's a sweet-tooth.

"You told me that Ada's favorite flavor was vanilla." you reminded, referring back to the conversation you had about your good-father.

"- but I am also his favorite child, which means that I will have the biggest piece of cake. I want to eat chocolate." he pleaded.

"You are his only child, Las." your eyes narrowed teasingly. The humans were always quick to point out the chasm between your ages, but Legolas acted more like an elfling sometimes.

"- and you will eat chocolate cake on your nameday" you walk past him.

Bumping your hips on the counter.

"Ow," you flinch, and his eyes widen.

"What was that? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" he wrapped his arms around you, caging you in his warm embrace.

"Are you sick? Is that normal?" he continued asking, concern flashing through his blue irises. The pain subsides, but his concern does not. "Should I call for a healer?" he inquired.

Why was he so worried? You only bumped your hips on the counter. He continues staring deep into your irises, checking your eyes for any sign that you were feeling pain.

You piece his reaction together.

Damn.

"My wife." he repeats firmly, snapping you back into reality. "Las," you say before beginning to laugh.

Your reaction catches him off guard. "Why are you laughing at me?" his eyebrows merge together, his face turning serious. "There's nothing to worry about, I just bumped into something." you comfort.

"There's something wrong with your eyes. We must have it healed." he insists, but you shake your head. "It's normal, Las." you smile.

"- you mean to tell me that you didn't see it?" he was flabbergasted.

His face softens, his eyebrows return to their normal place. You answer him with silence and with silence he understands. You are human, same in face as the elves - but still human nonetheless. "I'm sorry," he apologized, you wrap him in a warm embrace.

Ultimately forgetting about the cake you were baking.

Elrond Peredhel (Catching their clothes on doorknobs.)

Elrond's heart heaves at the sight of that scowl on your face. His lady-wife whose anger quickly turns into sadness. "Meleth, please, talk to me." he pleaded - like a lost little puppy. "I can't believe that you've left me in the dark about the Fellowship." you frowned.

You've been married for a decade, and he's always told you everything. What he ate for breakfast, luncheon and dinner. He even shares with you the types of wine he drank. You trusted each other with even the tiniest details of your lives, but why did he lie?

"I do not wish for danger to happen upon you. The great darkness has been marching against us. I fear that those forces take you." he confessed, keeping his voice low. "- but there is no use in hiding that from you, not when you already know." he breathed.

His eyes were cloudy with tears.

"As Lady of Rivendell, is it not my duty to know?" you explained, suddenly feeling guilty about confronting him all those hours ago.

"I know that it your duty, meleth. I was being selfish. I allowed my fears to consume my judgement." he apologized.

"- while the Fellowship still marches, I urge you to not speak about them, even in the confines of our haven. The darkness has grown in power. I believe that he is strong enough to pierce through my defenses." he reminded.

"Yes, I understand." you pressed a kiss to his forehead. Standing up to close the door, after closing it shut - you turn around to face him, but your robes have been caught in the doorknob.

"Gods," you mentally facepalmed, trying to pull your robes free. "Meleth," he stood up, helping you free your robes but you continued tugging at it - giving him a harder time. "Meleth," he smiled, preventing the chuckle that threatened to escape from his mouth.

The littlest joys.

He frees your robes from the treacherous hold of the doorknob.

"Thank you." you smile in return, already red in the face.

#thranduil x reader #elrond x reader #legolas x reader #lord of the rings

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laura1633 · 2 months ago

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Max has had a truly insane last 6 races, this doesn’t even cover everything (and I’m going off the top of my head here and not fact checking) but -

Singapore: Max is dragged into the stewards room for swearing in a press conference and the stewards lose their minds and hit him with community service. Fuelled by talent and spite he somehow manages to drag the car to P2 in a race where Red Bull were expected to be nowhere. He uses the opportunity to refuse to elaborate on answers in the press conference and ends up holding his own press conference outside the room like the absolute main character that he is.

Austin: We get treated to an insane defensive masterclass from Max and a reminder of why he really is so difficult to beat.

Mexico: The stewards try to drown him in penalties but he still manages to finish sixth and prevents his nearest championship challenger from winning. His driving causes the British media to almost implode with rage and Damon Hill manages to stop crying just long enough to compare him to Dick Dastardly.

Brazil: The race directors take it upon themselves to try and make the championship battle more interesting by risking drivers safety and waiting an eternity to bring out the safety car in the sprint and the red flag in qualifying. Luckily the British press are still crying so much over Mexico that they flood the track with their tears and Max storms to victory in a wet race. We get a nice little sassy ‘simply lovely’ to top it all off (Max never forgets). We also later get a nice bit of news that notorious Max Verstappen hater Damon Hill will be leaving sky sports (whether this had anything to do with the Dick Dastardly comparison we will never know!)

Las Vegas: There are rumours that Red Bull brought the wrong wing but it turns out that they just never had an appropriate wing to begin with (whether that is better or worse you can decide!). On the weekend where he can win the championship Max has to sit in the garage and watch his team start cutting into the rear wing of his car. Luckily it’s just the RB20 and he didn’t have to watch them try and massacre Rocky in front of his very eyes. He somehow manages to get the arts and crafts project across the line in fifth and wins a very deserving fourth championship. He does his media rounds with a drink in his hand and calls out Zak Brown live on sky for previously saying he couldn’t win without the fastest car (Like I said, Max never forgets)

Qatar: Max spends the sprint trying and failing to catch a Haas but then does ‘something’ in his drivers room and takes a very unexpected pole in qualifying. You would think the stewards are done with harassing him now that the championship is over but alas he finds himself in the room with them once more. George Russell (allegedly) throws a strop and (presumably) brings out his passport to ensure that Max is given a penalty for something nobody has ever been given a penalty for before. Once again Max turns his anger at the situation into something very productive and takes the place back almost immediately in the race and secures another victory. He then calls out George very publicly for being two faced (once again I need to remind you, Max never forgets!).

So basically six races of being hit with penalties, driving an arts and crafts project held together with hope and dreams, being compared to one of the wacky racers and getting his revenge multiple times over. All whilst taking multiple victories and a championship. Not bad really.

#Max Verstappen #MV1 #MV33 #Formula 1 #F1

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yeonjuns-beanie · 2 months ago

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In Odio Est Amor

warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex, descriptions of blood and violence, some exhibitionism, lustful/cathartic sex, angst, mutual pining, talk of death, oral(f receiving), think that’s it

summary: in a trade gone bad, you’ve been sought out by macrinus due to your animalistic combat skills. stuck in the camp of gladiators, Hanno is assigned your sparring partner. your existence is a bitter reminder of what he lost but in hate we find love.

a/n: saw gladiator for a second time and i felt compelled to write, seeing as i CANNOT stop thinking about lucius/hanno. he’s just too hot. considering the historical timeline, this is a little inaccurate, seeing as gladiatrices were banned in 200 AD. hopefully, this will be up to par with the rest of the amazing writers in this tag. hope you have a great day!

lucius verus x female!reader

word count: 7.4k

Being the only woman in the camp of gladiators left you feeling like a chewed piece of communal meat that was too tough to swallow. Stuck in a loop of forever being spit out, only to be soon placed in the mouth of another slobbering animal.

Anything beat the damnation of being a courtesan.

The life you lived before was that of sexual servitude, left to your own meticulous devices of survival. Even with your promiscuous occupation, you found ways to be exceedingly picky. It was the only way you could save the last bit of dignity that you had left. Caracalla, saw a means to see an end to your persnickety nature when you denied him of the favors he requested. After the exile and potential murder of his late wife, most of the other courtesans never denied his requests, but when you were placed between his legs and met with unsightly sores as the base of his shaft; you couldn’t find the gall to risk your health. Especially, not for some entitled tyrant who was destroying Rome for all that it was worth.

You told yourself that this would be one of the few clients you’d swallow your pride for but instead, you forced him to vomit his. Your refusal birthed a mirage of embarrassment and shame shrouded in anger and a battle cry for your death. After being whisked away by his servants, you were foolish to think that this would be the end of the interaction. As you walked the path home, you were overcome with wilting anxiety. In the moment where you felt you might be able to make it safely back, you were bombarded by royal guards.

Pummeling you to the ground, your fists connected with as many faces as possible. When your coiled hands of fury and fright failed you, you resorted to more primal behaviors. Using your teeth to stall your enemies, shreds of crimson skin stained your mouth, but alas–you were severely outnumbered. One man struck the back of your head and covered your face with a burlap sack. Feeling metal cuffs being placed around your wrists, you allowed your bones to relax in your defeat, understanding that you were once again shackled to the fall of Rome.

They tossed you around like garbage. You knew that’s how they saw you and could only imagine what Caracalla had said about you for them to be so rough. Dragging your body across the gravel, you fell limp in their grasp not caring where you ended up next. Soon sleep draped over your body and you hoped that your eyes would fight fluttering open, leading you to an everlasting sleep.

When you awoke, you were in a stone cell clad in your dirtied stola. The ends of the dress were speckled with dirt and the low, modified neckline was frayed as if someone tried to tear it open. Sitting up on the bed you peered through the bars of your royal cage, your eyes landing on sweaty, shirtless men across the way. Walking to the bars, you could see that a few guards were patrolling the area, but you couldn’t help to notice that it seemed you were the only woman in these cells. Before you could find the strength to call out to someone, a brown-skinned man costumed in elaborate robes and jewelry came up on the other side of the cell.

“Ah! You’ve awakened. And just in time, I must say, you get to prove your worth to me this morning.” “Excuse me?” “Apologies, suppose it would be a common courtesy to inform you what your new duties are. I have to admit, I saw you last night, tearing into those guards like a feral banshee; very similar to my barbarian.”

Barbarian?

Your face contorted in confusion, wishing that the antics of storytelling would be removed from the conversation; however, judging from this man’s outward appearance you doubted you’d be awarded the luxury.

“A gladiator of mine likes to eat monkeys. Proven to be one my best fighters, and seeing you behave as equally inhuman if not more than him, especially…after hearing what you did–I have to say I’m overjoyed to have a barbarian of beauty to bet on as well.”

Your face soured, realizing you were slavery bait. No better than cattle waiting to be slaughtered.

“I’m not fighting for you.”

“Ah, my banshee, you see–you aren’t fighting for me. No…but rather your freedom. Fight for me, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

Your hand struck the metal bars of the cell. The ringing of the bars reverberating off the chambers of the stone prison. It was equally as haunting as the shriek of a banshee in the dead of night. Frustration and agony rushed through you, demanding a destination for its release, the rusty bars alchemizing the brunt of your fury. The only way out was through. Through blood, through agonizing pain, through the tears of what was left of your family name, through ruin. You let your mind wander about what could possibly satisfy the seething, bitter ache that now resided in your soul.

The fall of Rome? Its mighty walls finally crumbling due to its horrific excuse of the ruling. A damning plague? Disease wiping out all of those who were destined to meet the divine in some display of retribution? Or perhaps, the death of Geta so that Caracalla could choke on the verity of his despotic rule? Each thought seemed chaotic enough to satisfy the storm of rage within but there was only one thing that would snuff the flames.

“Caracalla’s head.”

You stormed to the cell gates, fire breathing out of your nostrils and rage swimming in your irises. If he were to fall headlong, a bloody trophy for you to display, your hunger would be satiated. You fought tooth and nail your entire life, to be something more than a slave and here you were being pawned off for entertainment. Justice demanded her dues.

“There she is. Now, put these on and follow their orders, I’ll be with you soon.”

The cell gate opened and you were handed an olive green tunic, strophium, and subligar. Sighing as you looked at the fabric in your hands, you braced yourself for the long road ahead. Nodding to the man you realized something before he walked off.

“What was your name?”

“Macrinus. Yours?”

You hesitated, the weight of your given name threatening to roll past your lips. This couldn’t be your legacy–a woman discarded for the entertainment of others, her last shreds of dignity wrung dry and tattered. No one would seek the truth, nor would they care for the details of your defiance toward Caracalla. They would crave the story spoonfed to them by a diluted man.

A savage.

A wanton woman who was too picky in her own right in a poor attempt at survival. A woman who denied a royal the spoils he believed to be his right.

A whore. Nothing more.

That would be the glorious legacy, at least that would be the emphatic story the town would cry if this were to result in your untimely death. And yet, as you bored your eyes into the man on the other side of the bars, something about his presence loomed like a shadow too wicked to trust. The unsettling dissonance was difficult to ignore. Should he ask for the truth of your life, you’d give it willingly, but something in his gaze served as a warning: this truth would bear no fruits for you.

“Nero.”

“That’s not your birth name, is it?”

“My birth name will die with Rome, if I see it fit.”

Macrinus nodded a knowing smirk painting his lips before he walked off.

In your new robes, you sat on the bed, waiting for your cell gate to be opened. In your dissociative state, you noticed all the different colors in the dirt and the different sizes of the rocks and pebbles. Wondering how long it took for these fragments of eternity to be reduced to small scraps of their original form. The squeaking from the gate tore you from your thoughts and a man dressed in typical gladiator armour greeted you with something mixed with disdain and pity.

“Come. Time to train.”

You rose, the stretching of your limbs and the movement towards the man wrought with apathy running through your marrow. Was the struggle ahead worth the anguish that came with it? Would surrendering your life and facing judgment by the gods to everlasting torment bring a sense of solace in its finality? Would there be any reward in this life or the next for a soul being unmade by its own hand to escape imprecation?

Your head hung as you followed the man outside, leading you to a gathering of burly men in tunics with all love for life stripped from their faces. They were bruised, scabbed, and jaded by the torment they’d been subjected to; but of course, the entrance of a woman breathed some vitality back into them. In the time spent in your cell, you had braided your hair away from your face, leaving your imminent beauty on display despite the rags they clothed you in. It was as if the world silenced around you as you walked in, your head now held high in the presence of others. A ringing filled your ears as your eyes landed on a ragged man, a cold detachment surrounding his aura. He was staring. A jaded expression tracked your every move as you took the open seat next to him, not uttering a sound.

You hung your head again, hoping to ignore the invasive and curious gazes of the other men. Clasping your hands together, you prayed to the Gods to give you the strength to survive. Your prayers were cut short as you heard Macrinus’ voice echo over the various sounds of the training camp.

“As you all can see, we have a new barbarian joining our ranks today. She is destined to earn her place in the arena just as all of you. Her late arrival means her trials begin in full. No. Mercy. Since my barbarian, Hanno, claimed victory in the hand-to-hand combat two days ago, perhaps it’s only fitting that you, Nero, show us the skills that spared you your life. After all, they chose to throw you in the gladiator pit instead of severing your head. Hanno, Nero, up!”

Macrinus clapped his hands together to urge haste in movement from you and whoever Hanno was. As you stood, you realized the body next to you was also rising in stature. Gazing in his eyes this time, there was an emptiness that stirred. For a moment you saw a flash of sorrow in his eyes and you furrowed your brow in response. He was built and you began to wonder what your limitations were for combat. You stood in between the benches of men and the elaborate chair Macrinus was sitting in, planting your feet in the dirt in a fighting stance. You waited for Hanno to reciprocate the stance but every time he leaned his body down, he stood back up in apprehension. Shaking his limbs in rejection, he turned to Macrinus.

“This is not right. To fight a woman in these…in any conditions. Pick someone else.”

“You will fight her or all deals are off. Who’s to say she’s not a worthy opponent?

Your shoulders lifted lazily, dropping them with a defiant slouch as your face cast a dismissive look. Without hesitation, you settled back into your stance, surging at Hanno. You landed a jab straight to his jaw before drifting around his ankles, creating a tornado of dust that wove through his defenses. A storm of grit and determination fueling your fury. When he fell, the sorrow in his eyes was swallowed and replaced by vexation. You dodged his punches with precision, though his fist made home in your gut, dropping you to the ground. You hobbled up slowly, coughing out the bitter dust in your throat before lunging at him again with savage resolve.

He was an equal opponent, but you were determined to win. Tapping into the same energy from the night before, instinct ravaged your body as you lept on his back, raining blows of rage down on his chest. His attempts to rid you of him only fueled your fire of wrath more and you grabbed a fistful of his hair. You let loose a scream that was sharp enough to sear the air, a blistering echo to the ears. Baring your teeth you were disposed to bite.

“Stop!”

Macrinus’ voice bellowed through the camp ceasing the dog fight in front of him. You hissed at him, an animal seized mid-hunt. Hopping off of Hanno’s back, you stood in front of him and bowed in tense submission before walking with your head hung low back to your seat. Macrinus stood and gave a calculated, smug look towards the man clad in leather armour that brought you down here.

“Hose her down and cell her with him. Balance already hangs by a thread in this camp. We must keep vigilant. I believe two invasive species, separated, will incite chaos. Keep them together and maybe those who resist them will have enough strength to endure”

You raised your head slowly, turning to look at Hanno seated next to you, commiseration flooding your features. You were surprised to see the same look staring back at you. Pressing your lips in a fine line, you rose and followed the guard to the bathing chambers.

~*~

Your muscles ached, the hot water soothing the pain radiating through your limbs. You assumed it was Macrinus, but there was folded fabric at the edge of the bath. Stepping out and drying yourself off, you draped the clothing over your body, only to find that it barely reached your mid-thigh. You knew you’d be asking for too much to be treated with some note of decency, but at least you were able to clean yourself. The guard walked you back to the cells and as you passed your previous one being occupied by another man, you realized the orders from earlier were not a bluff and you’d have to face Hanno like a fool.

As you walked down the corridor, men in the other cells were whistling, catcalling you to come stay in their cell instead. Claiming that they could show you a better time than Hanno or the emperor.

The word spread like wildfire. Once a whore, always a whore.

You hung your head, hoping that somehow if you wore your shame on your sleeve you’d disappear from all the madness. The squeak from the cell bars ripped you from your thoughts and you looked at Hanno apologetically before seating yourself on the bed across his.

“By Gods, why do they have you in here?”

You shook your head, trying to will away the tears that were welling up in your eyes. His first words to you weren’t vulgar or accusatory, they were forged of concern and despondent curiosity. You licked your lips, caging them in between your teeth in an attempt to swallow the burning ball of emotions that was bubbling up your throat. You turned to face him finally, swallowing your fears and accepting your fate. Something about him told you that you could trust him. Sighing, you found your strength to speak.

“I assume you’ve heard the echoes of what I’ve done?”

Hanno nodded slowly.

“There is some verity to the words but not all. I know you may find it difficult to see truth in such a claim, especially as I stand before you clad in garments of odium, bestowed so graciously upon me. But know this– I am more than a mere cyprian. Indeed, I am Rome’s poorest excuse for one, and that very deficiency is what has landed me in the arena.”

“What is this deficiency you speak of?

“Being too particular in whom I offered services to. I only did what I did to survive…and now, I must survive for sport–entertainment for eyes who would care less if I lived or bled out in the dirt.”

Hanno looked down at his hand, fiddling with the ring that adorned his pinky finger.

“I also…I want to apologize for my behavior earlier today. He christened me a ‘barbarian of beauty’ –figured I needed to give him a reason to keep his favor. I do hope you understand, but still, the animalic behavior was unjust.”

“No need. We must survive, by any means necessary. I only wish the Gods decided a different fate for you.”

Hanno’s breath became heavy but sparse. He seemed to be reminiscing on something but wouldn’t dare let the words fill the air between you. He mumbled something you couldn’t quite catch and you were about to inquire but his low voice painted the silence first.

“Your name, it’s not Nero, is it?”

Your body separated itself from your mind and you stared at Hanno with fear and uncertainty. Your birth name was shallow on your tongue but heavy in your throat, begging for someone to see you for more than just your flesh. To attach an identity to the body more than an insult. You shook your head and turned to the makeshift window toward the ceiling, seeing a navy blue begin to stroke the sky in its image, hoping that something would give you the strength to share yourself the same way you had done when it was at the expense of others. Hanno’s hand encased your own and brought you back to the conversation as the gesture startled you.

“I’m not your enemy. Remember we’re ‘barbarians’, only the two of us.”

Sighing, he swallowed his pride and revealed his belly to you.

“Hanno is not my name, and I’ve not always been Rome’s favorite beast. I’ve come to know I bore a name that mattered. Lucius Verus Aurelius. The Prince of Rome. A name I may never be able to reclaim in glory.”

He paused tightening his grip around your hand as if seeking comfort.

“There was a dream of Rome, one that my father fought for. But through slaughter and slavery, power won over the people and now we wade in the remnants of what once was. In search of the hope that someone or something will restore the honor.”

Lucius let go of your hands and brought one of his calloused ones to his face, Rubbing the stress-ridden features away as the scratch of his beard caught your ears. You watched him attentively, waiting on bated breath for him to speak his next words. He leaned closer, the gap between seeming to never have existed. He gazed into your eyes, searching for something you knew not of until he uttered them in the next breath.

“You remind me of her.” His voice was nearly a whisper. Something you’d miss again if you weren’t so focused on him. With more chest to his tone, he admitted.

“My wife. She burned like you do. A flame that never quit dancing. A warrior who refused to bow–they stole her spark. The same day they made me a slave. A bitter goodbye, I shared, but when I look at you…I see her ghost.”

There was a touch of venom in his last words. They seemed to have meant good will but the taste was sour in your mouth. A moment fleeting once again. Even in your vulnerability, your search for someone seeing you for you, you were a reminder of something else. You paused, taking a deep breath in before you spoke. Removing your hands from Lucius’, you stared at him with the cracked concrete resolve that you walked through life with.

“Y/n. Y/n L/n is my given name. My father was once an accredited soldier here in Rome, but he tried to overthrow the twins. With that political betrayal came familial shame and poverty. Sinking deeper into poverty I couldn’t watch my mother fail. My beauty had always been prominent, so I exchanged my virtue in an effort to clear our debts and save what dignity my mother had left.”

Tears began to well in your eyes as you thought about the orders that were carried out against your family.

“They slaughtered her.” you began, voice trembling like a frayed string.

“As I spent hours severing my pride, they cornered her. There was never a debt–only a performance of humiliation, a spectacle of shame to the so-called traitor.”

You stood, staring out the cell bars before turning to face him again, your shadow stretching across the stone from the torch on the wall.

“My father raised a viper. A soldier to bear his name in honor. But those tyrants–these incompetent rulers–they’ll soon choke on their arrogance. I will have his head.”

“Who?”

“Caracalla. I may have sold my poise for survival but I will not suffer my health for the pleasure of a rat.”

You sat beside Lucius, your words heavy in the air.

“I carry the guilt, a constant companion. I reminisce the fragments of life I had before all of this and now I reminisce of what it felt like to live a life unspoiled by the fear of death. The scars of my servitude are my food for that arena. This isn’t about freedom it’s about reclaiming a dream they stole.”

You felt Lucius staring but you didn’t dare return the gesture. You were naked, said too much about yourself, you only hoped that you could keep his favor.

“We should get some rest. God knows the entertainment we’ll be performing tomorrow.”

Standing up you settled back into your bed, curling your body into a fetal position with your back facing the wall. You tried your best to maneuver the fabric of your dress to cover yourself but soon gave up on the endeavor and just stared at the ground covered in shadows of yellow and orange.

~*~

Sleep evaporated in a single breath as the cacophony of clamoring metal and gruff voices jolted you awake. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you dressed in the olive garments from yesterday, the scent of sweat and earth still clinging to the fabric. In the corner, a pile of gladiator armor taunted your peace. With a heavy breath escaping you, you braided your hair, coiling it into a bun. Every strand you attached a prayer of strength to. The weight of Lucius’ gaze bore into you, his presence going unnoticed until now. He lingered, his eyes flickering between your own and the twisted knot of hair at your nape.

“Something on your mind?”

“You mirror her as if she’s still here.”

You noticed where his eyes were landing and gently touched the bun. A tight-lipped, bitter smile cracking your face. Rolling your tongue around your teeth, you spoke.

“Whoever your wife was” you murmured, unspoken and unintentional venom in your tone, “do not look for her in me. Whatever regard you hold her in, I could never–honor the shadow of her memory. I am a poison.”

You meant no harm but your words were dripping in acrimony. You hated that throughout your life, you were always seen for something other than yourself. The epitome of you, torn to shreds and left screaming. Y/n was never seen and how could she be? A family name forgotten in a smear campaign and a life lived of shame, what was there to be reveled in? You abhorred that he saw someone much more valuable in you than you deemed yourself worth. You were a ghost. A shallow reminder of what he once loved.

The cell thickened with unsaid words, Lucius opened and closed his mouth, betraying the storm of thoughts that swirled within him. He walked toward the cell door, grabbed your blade, and passed it to you with care.

“I see you, Y/n, and your strength. Fight for your name today and do it with intention.”

You nodded, swallowing the bubble of hatred and sorrow in your throat. Standing you grabbed the grip of the blade, steadying its weight in your fingers. You heard the other cell gates opening and you waited to be released. Adrenaline and ferality coursing through your veins.

The walk to the arena was short but brutal as the sun scalded your skin. As you stood in the shaded maw of the tunnels, you felt water sloshing at your feet. The rays of the sun blinding your eyes in its reflection. You watched Lucius walk to the front of the group, a commanding presence blanketing the air.

“This is about survival! Survive!”

You followed his lead, wildly unprepared for what was to happen next. The feeling of the water squishing between your toes made your skin crawl but a shiver of fear soon took over as you saw the vessel you’d be fighting on today. Suddenly, the water made sense. You took a seat towards the front awaiting Lucius’ command. Your hands gripped the ore tightly and you looked at the bearish man next to you who greeted you with mockery.

“Hope your teeth come in handy in the water.”

You stared forward, fire in your eyes. You separated from your body feeling an unknown level of rage sear your being. You heard an announcer on the other side and the gates were released open, water rushing underneath the boat. Quickly scanning your surroundings you noted with disgust how the arena had turned into a spectacle of chaos. Floating vessels on either side filled with poor bastards, desperately seeking a second chance at life in this gauntlet of survival for the entertainment of nameless faces.

Lucius commanded the ship valiantly, some men perishing to the sharks or arrows from the opposing side. As the boat was steered to demolish the other ship's ores, you felt a surge of rapid excitement run through you as you watched the shards of wood penetrate their skin. Leaving them in either complete agony or to bleed out amongst their crew.

In one more calculated steer, Lucius’ ship barreled into the side of Roman’s warship, debris shooting into the air and clanking back down on the deck. All hell broke loose. You watched Lucius hail down from his post, sword in hand as he slaughtered two men with unusual ease. You’d seen a rage poor out of him that you never seen actualized in anyone but yourself. Your eyes caught Caracalla’s as he sat in his imperial chair watching with glee as your limbs froze in anger. You were one of the last to flee the boat and the game announcer made sure everyone saw your unease as you comprehended your reality.

“It seems our newest gladiatrix hasn’t earned her sea legs.”

Unbridled fear and rage soiled you as you stared at the crowd with wide, brazen eyes. You growled, tightening your grip on your sword, and ran into the chaos with reckless abandon. Your resolve didn’t care who your sword struck, just as long as your bloodlust was satisfied. Helmets adorned with hideous plooms made your targets easy to strike and you made it worth your while. Your blade was stained crimson and you clawed at their exposed skin just to ensure their death was agonizing. Flesh caked under your nails, the dried blood becoming sticky in your palms.

Baring your teeth, your back was hunched and heaving in the air. You snarled seeking your next victim within the chaos. A blade slashed your arm, leaving fresh garnet to ooze from the wound. You looked up into the emperors’ box seeing Caracalla leaning forward in his seat pouting at the outcome in front of him. Macrinus was behind him, hands steepled together as he hid a smirk from the rest of his peers. Hearing the announcer’s grating voice echo in the Colosseum, you stalked your next target.

“What an animal! She’s worse than our sharks. Perhaps, we should have put her in the water instead!”

Laughter erupted in the area and you looked around feeling a sense of helplessness begin to wash over you. You were giving them exactly what they wanted. Stomping around on the deck, you were planting your sword into already dead soldiers just to feel the destruction of their flesh through your blade. Your eyes landed on a lone bow with a perfect arrow clattered on top of it. You dropped your blade, the metal clattering against the wood of the ship. Blending in with the chaos around you, you picked up your new weapon and drew your arrow back. Slightly hidden by the tattered sails, your attack was camouflaged by those in front of you. Lining up the point with the emperor’s box you let the arrow spring free. When you dropped the bow and stepped from behind the ragged sail you were defeated to see that the arrow had lodged itself in the side of Caracalla’s throne.

“TRAITORIUS!” Emperor Geta cried. His yell acted as a death knell for the arena.

Lucius whipped his head around from where the arrow hailed and when his eyes landed on yours he stormed to you shaking you to bring your spirit back from the brink. You heard nothing he said. They would remember you if it was the last thing you did. Your eyes were locked in on the imperial daises relishing in the fear that briefly flashed their faces.

~*~

Retired to your cell, the air was thick between you two. You avoided his gaze and didn’t dare to speak. You had cleaned yourself prior, but you were still picking at flecks of dried blood under your nails.

“That was heedless what you did today.”

“I said, I’d have his head. I missed. The fear he held filled me well. Tomorrow is a new day.”

“And what if they saw the attack, what revenge have you then?” His tone grew more accusatory as he stood, his figure imposing. You spoke to the ground, not having the strength to fight with him.

“Then at least I died trying. Something my father wasn’t granted the courtesy of.”

Lucius paused, trying to find the right words.

“You fought like a storm.”

You raised your head to face him, surprised by his change of tone. You silenced the flutter of happiness you felt from the praise, but your small smile didn’t go unnoticed.

“A storm drowns as easily as it conquers. I was blinded by rage today. They got exactly what they wanted.”

Lucius’ frame softened as he sat next to you and you traced the stitches of your battle wounds. It suddenly became usually silent within the camp, the crackle of a fire pit out in the quad of the prison, the burning bark of the torch, and the occasional shuffle from a guard were all that echoed through the halls.

“You’ll ruin your skin if you keep at it like that. Leave it be, y/n. You’ve endured enough today.” The flicker of care that painted his words was the antithesis of his rough exterior. It challenged you and your vulnerability.

“And if I don't?” your breath shaky in its opposition. “What would it matter?”

“It matters to me,” he spoke quickly. A note of something raw in his tone. You turned to him, the silence that filled the cell now was an entirely different energy. Startled by the vulnerability etched into his face and the weight of his gaze, you were stripped of your defenses. The shell you encased yourself in crumbled to dust, exposing the fragile girl beneath. Your body moved before your mind and you scooted closer to him, your shoulders brushing feeling the heat radiate off him.

Lucius exhaled, a sound that harnessed the weight of everything unsaid. His hand came to rest on yours, the gesture done out of harmony rather than dominance. The scruff of his beard tickled your forehead as you raised your face towards his. In the soft glow of the torchlight, both of your eyes said a thousand words in complete silence–then your lips met. Not with haste but with an aching tenderness that your soul burned for. The outside world ceased to exist, enraptured with one another in this moment.

The kiss started soft but your breaths soon became heavy, vacuuming air through your nostrils out of fear that if your lips disconnected this moment would disappear. Lucius moved his hands to capture your waist and slotted his hand under your thighs to move you into his lap. It was then that you broke the kiss, uncertainty filling your being once again.

“What’s wrong?” Concern laced in his tone, afraid that he made you uncomfortable. You sighed, feeling unwanted emotion rise viciously up your throat like heated bile.

“I want this to be more than just a fleeting moment. I don’t wish for you to see me as the whore they’ve so harshly crafted, nor to feel like a conquest for you–a prize so easily won.” Your voice was shaky as you spoke, unable to hide the waves of emotion well. Lucius caressed your sides, soothing you as you sat in the pit of regret and sorrow of what you had done in life. Your head hung, but not for long as Lucius’ thumb and forefinger raised your head to look at him.

“Do not tether yourself to that title. It is not chains of eternity that shackle you to it. Y/n–it is a false truth whispered through the minds of shallow men to make you small. To me, you are no more a whore than a flame is a shadow. Your light burns through the weathering of rain, igniting your strength.” He paused, his eye contact unwavering to show that every word he spoke held the weight of complete veracity.

“If you wish to stop, say the word. But know this–my desire is not conditional, no debts or games to be played. What happens here is your command.”

Lucius’ hand came up to wipe the tear that you hadn’t realized fell. It was overwhelming to feel such acceptance. You believed every word and let yourself soften into his embrace, wrapping your hands around his neck and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Thank you–I…Iwant this. I want you.”

His lips found yours, this kiss more searing than the last. Your hands tangled themselves into his hair and your hips rolled in rhythm against his own. His hands trailed down the sides of your curves before finding refuge in the fat of your ass, squeezing the flesh with zeal.

His hips stuttered as he squeezed your flesh and you could feel the bulge beginning to form underneath his tunic. You rolled into the feeling, both of your breaths labored in wanton desire. You pulled your lips away only to pepper kisses down the length of his neck, swiping your tongue up before you bit the lobe of his ear. The faint taste of sweat fired you up even more and you couldn’t get close enough to him.

Curling your fingers into the fabric that clung to his chest, you pulled him close suffocating his lips to yours. In a moment, he had positioned your body so that your back was laid down on the bed and Lucius hovered over you. Taking in your form for every strand of beauty you were worth—a dangerous hunger flashing in his eyes.

Your hair was splayed underneath you and Lucius moved a few strands away from your face before placing kisses on the length of your jaw and down the column of your neck. Lucius placed a lingering kiss upon your lips before resting his forehead against your own. His breath mingled with your own as if to rid you of all the pain and uncertainty you had felt throughout your life. He wanted to replace all those negative feelings with something raw and unbreakable.

You trailed your hands down the front of his body before looking back into his icy eyes, seeing a new emotion swirl in them. Your actions were no longer reigned by caution but falling victim to a deep, unspoken yearning.

“Let us be whole in this moment,” you whispered, the words dripping in true desire. “Let our bodies tangle and relish in the ecstasy.”

Lucius didn’t answer with words, but instead captured your lips in a kiss that stole your breath. It devoured and soothed you in one fell swoop. His touch was firm, but tender, massaging your body with something more than lust. This was a testament of humanity amidst the terror of your world.

With ease, Lucius removed you from your clothes, leaving your body to be painted by the distant flames. When he stared at your naked form without saying a word, you soon grew self-conscious and wanted to cover your body from his raking eyes. Catching your hands in his, he gave you all the reassurance you needed.

“Don’t hide from me. Let me see. One should feel so blessed to lay their eyes on you, like this.”

Lucius kissed down the trunk of your body, leaving flowers to bloom in their wake as he made a path down the valley of your breasts. When he reached the area above the mound of your sex, he paused and looked up at you for permission–eyes showing you a hunger you’d never seen before. You nodded as you gently spread your legs wider, giving him complete access to you. His eyes were blown wide as he dipped his head to meet your petals. His nose teased the top of your clit and the anticipation was driving you mad. Before you had the chance to beg him to touch you, his tongue swiped up your folds, collecting a puddle of arousal on his tongue.

Your body shivered in shock and pleasure, your hips jolting forward and your back arching slightly. You threw your head back, shuddered air falling past your lips. Your hands immediately found solace in Lucius’ hair, gripping the strands as he lapped at your garden. Soon your hips were rolling in rhythm with his tongue and you could feel the heat begin to pool in your lower stomach. Your muscles tighten and release with each passing second of foretaste.

“...Lucius…I,” he lifted his head only for a moment to shush you. “I’ve got you. Cum for me y/n.”

You let the feeling of pleasure swallow you whole as he dipped two fingers into your cavern, your walls sucking him in greedily. The added stimulation brought you over the precipice of your rapture and your body wriggled with euphoria against Lucius’ mouth. When your spirit settled back into your body, you giggled breathlessly. Second nature soon taking over as you lifted yourself from the bed.

You moved forward, your hand feeling his cock through the tunic and you felt a salacious urge brew rapidly within you. Lucius quickly rid himself of his clothes, his sculpted body on display for you to indulge in. When you moved yourself to your knees and began to return the oral favor, Lucius’ hand stopped your head from its descent and guided you to look at him.

“No,” his voice was laced with desire but thick with command. You could see his resolve crumbling a bit in front of you. “This is not about me. It’s for you. You’ve done more than enough in this life, let me return a fraction of that and allow me to give it all to you.” Lucius pushed you and laid you gently back down. His face rested against your own, his lips grazing the shell of your ear as he whispered into it.

“I want to hear your pleasure, not just give into mine. You owe me not a thing,” he paused feeling a bit of his dominance morph into a teasing leviathan.

“You want this?”

You nodded rapidly, your hands wrapping around his arms just needing to feel his skin against your own. You looked down between your bodies. His cock hanging heavy off of his frame, tip flushed with desire. Your mouth watered at the sight of it, needing to feel his length somewhere inside of you. Lucius swiped his tip against your folds, soaking his shaft in your arousal just to show you exactly who was in control.

His tip pushed at the entrance of your heat, your brow furrowed in ardent zeal as you squeezed around the small bit of length that was inside of you. Lucius held the base of his cock guiding it to the hilt until your bodies clapped at the connection. He brought his arms down to rest on his elbows, bringing his face closer to yours to watch your expressions contort in fervor. You couldn’t help the sound that escaped you as he buried himself inside of you and on instinct you covered your mouth to muffle the sounds.

Lucius removed your hand from your mouth, his smile wicked as he shoved his tongue in his cheek.

“Let them hear. Serves them right for locking us in a cage together.”

He began to move, his thrusts deep and slow. Closing your eyes, you felt every ridge and curve of his cock. Dragging out your pleasure in the most beautiful way imaginable. The clap at the end of each thrust was unmistakable and you couldn’t quite bring yourself to care. You almost wanted everyone to hear the lustful wreckage he was throwing you in.

Opening your eyes, the closeness of his face caused you to writhe against him and moan out. The sounds amplified by the stone in the cell, leaving everyone else outside at the mercy of your cries.

“Lose yourself in me.”

Lucius pushed himself up so that he could grab your hips and deliver more calculated thrusts. Each time he pushed in, you could feel his tip kiss your cervix with pure carnality. Your moans were low in timbre but grew more frequent as you felt the knot in your loins begin to tighten at the new speed.

There was a sheen of sweat across Lucius’ chest, a bead dripping down his brow. He brought himself back down and tortured you with the same bruising pace.

“Cum for me. Cum with me.”

He captured your lips in his reminding you that this was more than just lust at work. Your sounds were swallowed by his mouth as the heart of your wanton need contracted around his length in lascivious rhapsody. He fucked you through your orgasm before pulling out and painting your stomach in his alabaster drippings.

Lucius hovered over you, taking in what just happened. As you held eye contact with him, you snuck your hand down to the milky portrait and scooped up some of his salty sap. Bringing it to your mouth, you sucked on your finger, savoring the taste. He groaned at the sight and you smiled at him when you released your finger with a pop sound.

Lucius stood up, grabbing the poor excuse of a blanket off his bed, and used the corner to clean you of him. Wiping the stain of his cum in the dirt, he threw the sheet back to his bed. Grabbing your robes and motioning you to stand up, he covered your body.

“No one else needs to see you like this.”

The gesture was warm and his words held a sense of finality to them. As if he were counting on the fact that you’d never go back to the life you lived before. Lucius covered himself in his tunic. Pheromones, and earth flying off the fabric as he lay down on the bed. He opened one arm and nodded his head toward himself to motion you to lie down with him. The fit was tight but that didn’t matter at this moment.

The quiet lingered, heavy with everything you hadn’t said. Lucius’ breath came slow and steady as you traced patterns over his body, his hand soothing your arm—an unspoken promise in such gentle touches.

“You deserve more than survival. I’ll fight for that. I’ll fight for you.”

The weight of his words settled in your chest, and you allowed yourself to believe for the first time in a long time. To believe that the life ahead could be yours. Not stolen or dictated. With the warmth of his steady presence, you curled into him. Letting the moment take root in the deepest parts of you. Whatever lay ahead, you knew you wouldn’t face them alone.

please don’t forget to like and reblog if you enjoy my writing! :D

#lucius verus smut #lucius verus x reader #lucius verus x you #lucius verus fanfiction #gladiator ii #gladiator ii smut #gladiator ii fanfiction #lucius verus aurelius #paul mescal gladiator #paul mescal smut

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messrsrarchives · 5 days ago

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You’re starting to act just like your fascist Reggie—censoring others and trying to dictate what can and cannot be discussed in fandom. Telling people they can’t talk about politics because you, living in a first-world country, can’t handle it? You’re the one using real-world politics to justify a fictional ship with a fascist. Have you thought about how people who are genuinely anti-fascist might also dislike it in fiction? You can’t control fandom. If you want to like fascist characters, then just own it. While fiction might not feel like reality to you, for many, it is reality. Have you considered that the characters and headcanons you enjoy might reflect deeply personal experiences for others? Not everyone has the privilege to separate fiction from reality like you do.

hi feed, this message was brought to you by someone who has clearly never interacted with me ever !

WDYMMM "telling people they can't talk about politics" 😭😭 i fear that's my ENTIRE niche across two social media platforms. i fear my entire thing is politics in a fandom space + the real world. i fear that's literally what i'm known for. what 😖

i was gonna ignore this but i have so many receipts that i thought okay ! finna answer ! why not, let's entertain this <3 (below the cut because it's long)

assuming that this is a response to this post where, after watching elon perform two nazi salutes on stage, i said "hey! maybe you should stop calling people in fandom nazis for reading about a fictional character!"

what i alsooo said on that post is that it's important to discuss politics in literature (see here: doing a masters degree in english literature + politics <3). because absolutely! the DEs are crafted in a way that reflects historic events and absolutely, that's something we can discuss!

what we should also discuss is that whilst art imitiates life and life imitates art, the two do not directly reflect one another - if i read about wizards, i am not a wizard. if i read a crime book, i am not a detective. and if i read fanfic about regulus black? i am not a facist.

in regards to the censorship comment: this here is an entireeee video i made about censorship and puritanical views in fandom spaces and why this is a Bad Thing To Do (though i fear you will disagree with it because i am saying that people can read and write whatever but alas, no censorship here x)

using real world politics to justify a ship? no, not at all. i do not think ships in fandom need to be "justified" because, again, they are fiction. can they be discussed? absolutely! my tiktok is @/messrsrobyn and you will find countless videos where i dissect fandom, characters and ships. again, this is kind of my whole thing <33 nice to meet you <33 but rather for me? that post was made as a building up of (1) the mass of people in fandom during the tiktok ban saying that words have meaning when american writers say british words "wrong", but throw buzzwords around like it's nothing and (2) this is a place for escapism and safety, which is needed now more than ever and whilst discussions about politics are important, this? this ask? this is not a discussion. this is hostility, much like people just commenting "nazi" with nothing else on a jegulus post.

discussions can be had! absolutely! my entire thing is discussions in fandom. but right now i'm trying to discuss this when you have given me nothing to work with but false claims and hostility - see how this doesn't work? but alas, i'll try :)

do people read jegulus and think "wow i love voldemort and the death eaters!!! i agree with what the did here :D" or do they read jegulus and enjoy the complexity that comes with a character like him? do they enjoy how, with a character with such little canon lore, people explore things? or yk what, do they sometimes read him as a muggle where none of this matter because there's do DEs? yeah, because it's fiction. and liking a fictional character does not have repercussions on the real world.

calling someone a facist/nazi only for teading about fictional characters does - it is so incredibly important that we read immoral literature. i'm rambling now but i'm not even talking just about fandom. we NEED books that discuss these topics and we need to explore the characters within them. we NEED politics and immorality and everything like that in books because that is how we learn, understand, and prevent. reading them does make you immoral - see here: queer books being banned in the us for containing "immoral themes" and main characters doing things they deem had and awful alongside INCREDIBLYYYY important books like the handmaids tale, to kill a mockingbird, 1984, fahrenheit 451 etc etc.

we need to read these. we need to engage with them.

but in a fandom space, we also need to acknowledge that these are not real people. these are fictional characters and there's a big difference between engaging with a character because you are justifying their actions, and engaging with a character because you enjoy Exploring their character and Understanding them in as many ways as possible 🙂↕️

but we agree!! whilst fiction may not feel like reality to some people, to many it is! so have we considered that when people come to escape from the real world for a bit, or people have family members lost to past regimes; are about to enter 4 years of another regime or are holding their breath waiting for european elections to see if another far-right populist party gets in, it might sucklk to have this thrown around?

imagine dealing with alllll of that in reality, not knowing what on earth is going to happen tomorrow or what the future holds for you and the people you love, and then being called a facist online because you read about Fictional Character Regulus Black. whilst your life literally crumbles apart because of it. you are now being called the same thing that the man oppressing you and everyone you love is, because you read FanFiction.

and then finally ahem:

"not everyone has the privilege to separate fiction from reality like you do"

if you click here, you will find a tumblr post i made about this exact thing :D about how we can't separate fiction from reality

see here also: a post about the books jkr publishes under the robert galbraith pseudonym and about how we, again, cannot separate fiction from reality.

if you click here you will find my jkr playlist on tiktok which has videos in about how, again, we cannot separate fiction from reality.

what we also can't do, mind you is call someone a facist for reading a fictional character.

there is big difference between "hey! this character has facist undertones if applied irl, we could discuss this!" and "You Are A Facist For Reading It"

instead of coming and ranting to someone who has spoken extensivelyyyy about politics in this fandom space - both with fandom material and with elections, gaza, the uk riots etc etc - and is a huge advocate of dicussions and debates, put this energy into something productive.

like actual facists. real world politics and what you could be doing at a local level to help reduce the harm of Actual Facists that are in power right now. not people taking a break from Actual Facism to read fanfiction.

ta x

(p.s i'm a homeless, chronically-ill, gay, trans man. what privilege do i have in THISSS fandom space of JK ROWLINGSSSSS worlds, to separate reality from fiction? 😭)

#asks #this is such a WILD ask i probably shouldnt have answered it #but this has been a shite few days and it's 5:30am #and you annoyed me x #anyway! have some receipts. sorry this is so long!#would love to stay and talk but (completely random fun fact) i'm actually guest lecturing today at 8 :/#yeahhhh it's about book bans and censorship because yk. politics and english student #plsplspls anon 🥺🥺 do you have any notes 😖😖 i'm just so uneducated #sorry im getting mean i promise im not mean you just annoyed me x #can confirm messrsrarchives on tumblr is not a facist #incase any of yall were wondering x #byebye this was fun lets not do this again actually

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mellowwillowy · 1 year ago

Text

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬

⤷ synopsis: The Pastor has always been a man worthy of your adoration so you would obviously still adore him despite him teaching you an entirely false lesson no?

⤷ warnings — GN reader, religious themes, eldritch horror (tentacle shits), light bdsm (spanking, caning, blood), NSFW MDNI

"What does a bad, naughty sheep deserve from its shepherd?" "Th-the Shepherd's crook?" "Correct." One of his tentacles hands him the crook and he uses the hook to yank you closer toward him, "What do you say if we start it easy with a counting till' 12?"

ꕤ The Pastor has always been the man you adore and aspire to be, always so kind and generous in helping anyone while teaching them what the Pastor deems to be 'true'. You have always been nothing but a lamb of his teachings, following him as though he is your shepherd.

ꕤ The Pastor says that he shall love and guide everyone equally but is that even 'true'? When the others could only listen to him, you on the other hand are able to feel his teaching firsthand.

ꕤ The Pastor sates you from earthly desires and guides you toward the righteous path, living in virtue. Why would you ever desire when he has given you everything you could ever want?

ꕤ Gluttony? You could eat whatever you want, be it the world's most gruesome meal. Pride? You will always be respected by all the acolytes and people around you. Envy and Greed? How could you even envy when you have everything in yourself? Wrath? No one would ever incur wrath out of you, for he himself guarantees it. Sloth? You have always been there in all the ceremonies he has ever held.

ꕤ Lust? When his tentacles that are hidden beneath his robes will never fail to pleasure you? Those suckers that leave lots of marks that sign you have belonged to something?

ꕤ The confession box that serves as a place for people to confess and repent allows Caelus to forgive and purify you as his tentacles wrap themselves around your body, suckers kissing your skin as he listens to your confession. By the end of the session, he'll dictate your next course of actions

"Kneel by the altar and pray for 15 minutes while I purify you alright? You must be pure no matter what."

ꕤ You have always been the lamb of his herdings, obediently kneeling and praying while his lip roams around the nape of your neck, hand feeling your body up and down as he starts undressing you for God to witness.

ꕤ Alas he himself is the God who is witnessing everything, of how you diligently pray for forgiveness while your body trembles from excitement and anticipation. Caelus licks your neck as his tentacles start to loom out of his robes.

ꕤ It is undeniable that Caelus knows his way around your body even from the first time he lays his hand on you. It was almost as though he had long known how your body would react to every single touch he made. All felt too familiar.

ꕤ Caelus starts by kissing your ears, and nibbling your earlobes while he positions your kneeling figure. Soon, his lip trails down onto your neck and your collarbone, giving it a trail of wet kisses and hickeys.

"How do you feel, my sheep?"

You stutter out an answer that is enough to make him nod and continue on his way with you, this time his hands work their way to undress you. Caelus relentlessly binds your limbs with his tentacles, lifting you mid-air as he feels your sex, "An excited one, aren't you? One must now dwell in the temptation of sins." He chides as he flicks your sex that was clothed by your wet underwear.

ꕤ You whine at the sudden touch, your opened mouth allows the tentacle to invade your mouth, feeling how warm the insides of your mouth are. The suckers taste you as they suck your tongue and the surroundings, your moan sending vibrate toward Caelus indirectly.

Caelus starts to stroke your sex, slow and steady as he feels it throbs under his touch. He can see it clearly with how wet your underwear is, urging him to slide it down and bare your sex open for him to observe.

"How needy, I haven't done much and you are this excited already? Does it start from the moment I order you to kneel down?"

ꕤ The Pastor has always known his way around his words and you realize that he is being lenient with his teachings today, is he being solemn? That aside, he really knows how to use his mouth on you, tasting the fluid that drenches your underwear while the tentacle inside your mouth invades deeper, causing you to gag at its thickness and length.

"Pa-pas-thorh, I-, C-C-Caelus!"

Although it is supposed to be a plea for him to pull his tentacle out, it starts to sound like a pleasured whimper. Caelus chuckles as he licks your cheek upward, tasting the sweat and tears that are on your face, "Why, it seems like you are quite enjoying yourself too." He gives your sex a smack, showing you how desperate you are for a release as well. "Tell me, have you been the sheep you are? Obediently following me as I herd you toward your den? Your safe haven?"

You want to nod but you know better than to do that after confessing yourself to him in the confession box. The tentacle retreats itself to allow you to speak, "I- I have not... Pastor."

"Then, what does a bad, naughty sheep deserve from its shepherd?" You gulp, "Th-the Shepherd's crook?" Caelus smiles, "Correct." One of his tentacles hands him the crook and he uses the hook to yank you closer toward him, "What do you say if we start it easy with a counting till' 12?"

If anything you are trying not to shake your head vigorously, only swallowing the lump in your throat. Just before you can retort, he lifts you even higher, baring your thighs for him to feel and cane easily.

“Count it properly unless you want me to start it from 1 again. Here we go,” You grit your teeth hard as the crook hits your thighs, leaving a red swollen streak. “Where’s the response?” Another hit jolts you awake, “ONE-!”

“Next,” “TWO-“ “THREE-!” “F-FOUR!” This goes on until you are too pained to number it correctly, choking in tears. Caelus is merciful enough to wait for you to recover before he chides you, “Why are you not paying attention to me? I am teaching you something so important for your well-being and you do not even bother to pay attention?”

You manage to choke out a response that is rather pathetic to be considered as a reason and Caelus can only click his tongue at you as he feels your bloodied thighs, red streaks decorating them while little blood oozes out of the cut, “You were so close to grasping the lesson entirely yet you have to make me recite it for you again?”

You tremble from his words, unsure of whether it is out of fear or anticipation of what he has stored in him to show you. One of the tentacles hooks your leg up by the knee, showing him just how your sex leaks out your excitement, dirtying the altar.

“Not only are you being inattentive, you are practically disgracing the altar for your own desires. Tell me, what did I teach you about not pursuing earthly desires?” The curve of his crook is rubbed against your sex as he questions you, more tentacles start to wrap themself around you with the suckers leaving a trail of blue and purple hues.

If you think he thinks your face is comically adorable then you are right because as for now, you are showing him just how eager you are for him to thrust his cock into you. Lust. You are brimming in lust, unable to contain your arousal as proven by your leaking sex. “Bad sheep.” Caelus clicks his tongue again, caning your calf while relishing in how you choked out a gasp of pain.

It didn’t last long because Caelus has now given you what you want, pulling his cock out for you to see and drool at, hard red aching for attention. He gives it a few pumps before frotting it against your hole, his hand collecting all the leaking fluid from your sex as a lube for him to penetrate you.

“Now witness how I’m about to purify you dear. This is something I never do to anyone but my most lovely sheep.” This is what you have been waiting for, the purification that Caelus has never done to anyone but you. Your eyes rolled backward when you feel his tip entering you, his tentacles and hands keep you in place as you try to wriggle your way deeper into his cock.

“Patience, dear. Tell me, why are you indulging yourself in the idea of lusting over someone?” His gloved hands feel your bum, kneading it like dough before he makes you take his gloves off with your mouth. You diligently bite the leather and try to pull it off from his hand. Caelus chuckles at your attempt before pulling his hand off the glove and making you do the same to his other hand.

His fingers invade your mouth as he pulls your tongue out, his golden eyes gaze into yours in adoration, “God, why must you be so beautiful?” You can smell it, although his hands are clean, there is still a hint of smell of ink and old papers. Just before you can do anything, Caelus slams his cock into you completely, catching you off guard. You try to pull your tongue away from his grasp but fail horribly as he pulls you into a deep kiss instead.

Your moan is muffled by his tongue that is wrapping yours, his hips angled to hit that one spot that makes you curl your toes. You trashed against the tentacles that bind your hands until they let you go, allowing you to dig your fingernails into his toned back, leaving crescent moon shapes that threaten to cut his skin open, drawing blood out of him.

You are in dire need of air but you are also unwilling to break away from the heated kiss, hands keeping him close to you while you greedily taste him. Caelus smirks at the kiss and pinches your nipple, earning a gasp from you that allows him to break free from the kiss. He drags his thumb across the corner of his lip, wiping away the drool that is smeared on his lip.

His hands find their purchase on your hips again, holding you in place while he thrusts himself in and out into you, using you like a fleshlight. You are unsure about what he’s mumbling about but you seem to catch a few of his words.

“Mine to deflower.”

As though he is no longer the wise pastor you look up to, you now feel just how territorial he is with your whole well-being, not only a body used to chase his own pleasure but also a soul to keep him sane, proven by how you feel a pang of serenity in you again despite the idea of being fucked by the altar for God to witness.

“See this, my dear? This is the proof that you belong to me.” Caelus presses his palm on your bulged stomach, proving to you just how enormous his cock is, resting inside you. A yellow sign glows as his hand presses harder on your stomach, making you feel warm.

The tentacles invade your mouth again, unwilling to part from you while starting to spurt some sort of liquid into your mouth. Caelus’ pace picks up as well, his thrust deeper and faster while his breath grows raggier. Sweats drip down from his forehead while his tongue wet his lip from the sight of your spent-up face.

He wants you to come all over him and bless the altar with your essence and he will not stop until the deed is done.

ꕤ The Pastor is a gentle soul, his tentacles serve as a makeshift bed for you to rest while the suckers massage your sore muscles. His hand and eyes never leave you, oh how you love those Golden eyes of his with his ruffly black hair.

"Pastor, what if I am not as beautiful as the flower God loves?" You whisper out as he kisses your shoulder blade. Caelus taps his finger on your other shoulder while he hums out an answer, "You go down just like Holy Mary," he pauses to leave another kiss on your forehead, " and not just another Bloody Mary."

You cock your head in confusion, "What is that supposed to mean?" Caelus chuckles as he palms your face, "It means you are beautiful no matter what the circumstances are..." Caelus opens his mouth and bites your lower lip, "Whether you are pristine free of sins, or bathed in blood and wounds."

ꕤ Caelus has always been a man of many identities, nonetheless, he is a man who will always devote himself to you no matter what he identifies himself to be.

If you choose to run away with me, I will tickle you internally. And I see nothing wrong with that

#Caelus the Henchman #CatboX #Yandere x Reader #Yandere x GN reader #Yandere Priest #Yandere Smut #yandere writing #divider: animatedglittergraphics-n-more #Yandere Male #yandere eldritch horror

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miuszn · 2 years ago

Note

i’m actually so obsessed with your bouncer!ellie.. we need a fic immediately 🤭 -🪐

taste of lust

SETTING : modern au

WC : 5011

WARNINGS : sexual harassment ( nothing graphic ) ( but reader is sort of implied to have trauma related to it , nothing stated explicitly tho ) , bouncer!ellie x bottlegirl!reader , idk shit about clubs so like some stuff might be insanely inaccurate but i did my best to research ( sorry in advance ) , dash of dealer!ellie bc who doesn’t love her , dom!ellie , sub!reader , teasing , overstimulation if u squint , ellie calls u pretty girl & princess , readers first time with a strap , ellie refers to her strap as her cock , i’m not fluent in english yet so there might be mistakes , not beta read

A / N : hello everyoneeee !!! i know this took FOREVER to finish and i’m so sorry about that .. i’ve been super super busy and this fic was so long omg T_T there was a point i started over completely bc i didn’t like the direction it was heading to .. this fanfic shit gets serious truly . in case u missed the warning there is sexual harassment in this fic and reader is implied to have trauma related to it . putting this here again to make sure u guys see it . anyway , i took so long to post this and so much stuff happened !! but alas , it is here , the bottlegirl!reader and bouncer!ellie fic !! this is my fav fic of mine so far so i hope u guys enjoy reading this as much as i liked writing it <3 ( and yes there will be a part two !! )

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

being a bottle girl wasn’t exactly the job of your dreams. having to deal with creepy rich men every friday and saturday night was definitely not something you enjoyed doing, but that was what paid the bills and allowed you to live a rather comfy lifestyle for a college student. the bad part no one tells you about going to a top college on a full-ride scholarship is that a lot of the students are rich kids who most definitely cheated their way through high school, who live in nice apartments paid for by their mommy and daddy, who use birkins and other designer brand bags as their school bags, who would never be caught dead eating at the cafeteria. of course, you felt out of place. you weren’t exactly poor, but your family definitely could never afford that kind of lifestyle.

you’re pretty. extremely pretty. and you knew you could use that to your advantage. so when you saw a new club in the city that was looking for bottle girls you immediately knew you had to apply. sure, you had to deal with a couple creepy customers every night and sometimes even had to remind them they’re not allowed to touch you, which was annoying. you also hated being seen as an object, and you knew that’s exactly how these men saw you, and what was even worse was those very unsettling “you remind me of my daughter” comments from older men since you were so young. but the money was the main thing you needed, and you were able to put up with all this because of the pay. although the salary itself is just enough to survive, most of your earnings were in tips, and you made good tips. with a little bit of flirting and pretending you were really into customers, you scored lots of tips in the hundreds and sometimes even thousands. that wasn’t really enough for you to be able to afford luxury items whenever you wanted, but you were able to treat yourself every once in a while and that was enough for you.

you and your coworker ellie are the only college students that worked at that club. she wasn’t a bottle girl, however, she was a bouncer. during busy nights the bouncers typically took turns being at the door, and the rest would be inside the club making sure everything was fine. she didn’t mind being inside, it meant she could steal glances at you. truth was, she was into you, and it was obvious. but you took it as her just wanting to get a reaction out of you. that’s what it seemed like. but you can’t lie, whenever she wasn’t looking, you’d stare back as discreetly as you could.

she was a little possessive over you, which you weren’t really aware of. whenever she saw you flirting with customers, she couldn’t deny she felt a little jealous. she of course knew you were just trying to get more tips. regardless, she still couldn’t stand seeing the way you twirled your hair, spoke in that sweet and flirty tone, and even sometimes gave them compliments, and the fact it wasn’t towards her. she wanted it to be her, and her only. she wanted you to be hers. but she never did anything aside from flirt with you a little every once in a while, because she was scared she’d make you uncomfortable.

ellie. where does one even begin to describe her? her strong arms, her short auburn hair she styled as a mullet or put in a half bun when she felt a little lazier, her mesmerizing green eyes. from the moment you laid eyes on her you found her extremely attractive, but you were too shy and didn’t know how to approach her. what’s funny is this is the total opposite of the character you put up for your customers, an extroverted, flirty girl. the thing with you is, you can flirt with people, but only when you’re not attracted to them. when you are, such as in cases like these, the main thing you do is avoid avoid avoid. you rarely had the opportunity to interact with each other, but when you did, you always felt she was trying to subtly flirt with you. it was the kind of flirting where it was hard to tell wether she was flirting with you or just being nice, so you simply took it as being nice because you didn’t think there was any possibility she could be into you. she was just out of your league. even if it was flirting, you didn’t know if she had any other intentions. so you decided to play it safe.

that night was different from the others. your boss informed you that there’d be a bachelor party tonight and surprise surprise, you’d be serving them. the thing about bachelor parties is they’re very demanding and their tips can vary a lot. and demanding in your vocabulary is basically a synonym for entitled. they’ll insist you sit down, have a drink with them, maybe even try to grope you or something. you were not happy about having to deal with them tonight, but your boss told you they were short-staffed tonight, so you’d simply have to suck it up.

the moment the group of about 15 men came in, ellie sensed something was wrong. she rejected about half of them at the entrance before being informed by her supervisor that it was a bachelor party. she didn’t really care. she knew they were up to no good.

“i really don’t think we should let ‘em in.” she crossed her arms.

“any good reason?” he asked, annoyed.

“something just feels.. off,” she whispered, “i dunno. feel like they’re up to no good.”

“i don’t pay you to do ‘vibe checks’ on people.”

“i still don’t think we should let ‘em in. feels like they have bad intentions. have you seen how they’ve been eyeing the rest of the female staff?”

“big deal, this is a night club,” he brushed her off. “that’s how men look at women in nightclubs, williams. suck it up.”

“that still doesn’t-“

“do you want to keep your job or not?” he snapped.

she sighed and rolled her eyes, defeated, and hesitantly let the group in. her eyes were glued on them until they sat down at a table, the feeling in her stomach worsening when she realized you’d be dealing with them. it was one thing for any of the other girls to have to deal with them, but for some reason, she found herself way more worried about you. you were newer to the job and a little younger than the other girls. she couldn’t bear the thought of someone possibly harming you, or taking advantage of you, or anything like that. she felt this strange desire to protect you, something she hadn’t really felt towards anyone before. she felt this way toward you, yet she barely knew anything about you.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

tonight was going to be a long night. the moment those men sat down, you could immediately tell. you could tell by their piercing gazes, which you swore you could physically feel even though you weren’t looking at them, that you’d have to remind them several times they can look but not touch. you heard them whispering stuff to each other while looking at you and then laughing and hitting each other as if they were a group of teenagers. you took a deep breath, put on a smile, and finally went over to their table.

“hey boys,” you greeted with a flirty tone, “anything i can get you guys today?”

“yeah, a piece of that ass.” one of them said, while the rest laughed.

you faked a giggle, trying to do your best to handle this professionally, as you would with all the other annoying customers.

“anyway,” you continued, “do you guys have anything in mind? if not, you can take a look at the stuff we have over there at the bar.” you said, while pointing at the bar.

“we’ll need a moment, babygirl.” one of them replied, holding out his credit card.

you nodded, took the card, and quickly walked away. you absolutely hated that nickname. before you took this job, you didn’t really mind it. but when you started getting called it by basically every single customer you eventually grew to hate it. if you hadn’t been working, you at the very least would’ve given them a death stare or contemplated telling them off (even though you knew you’d never have the balls to do anything of the sort.)

after a couple of minutes, one of them whistled at you to get your attention. strike two. another thing you very much hated. now you were even being treated like an animal. who the hell do they think they are?

you walked over to them and plastered a fake smile on your face and asked if they were ready.

“we just wanted to know what you recommend. i’m sure you drink lots since, you know, you work here.”

some of them chuckled, and you didn’t really get what was funny. but you decided to not start anything and just answered the question.

“well, we have lots of options,” you responded, “we have many of the classics you can find anywhere else, and we also have some that are less common. we just got the louis xiii cognac which is very hard to find, so i’d recommend that one.”

“yeah? are you just saying that ‘cause it’s the most expensive?”

“if you want less pricey options, we have those too.” you replied, avoiding the question. of course you were suggesting it because it was the most expensive. that’s kinda your job. you’re supposed to make money.

“we can afford it.” one of them said.

“yeah, bring us that one.” another chimed in.

you smiled and nodded, walking away. gosh, you felt them draining any energy you had every second you spent near them. you carefully took the bottle and put it on your tray, and grabbed a few glasses and put them with the bottle. you made your way over to their table, placing their glasses in front of them one by one, and although you weren’t looking at any of them, you knew they all had their eyes glued on you. you tried your hardest to pour their drinks quickly enough so you could just get out of there, but not too quickly that they’ll notice. unfortunately for you, they caught onto what you were doing.

“why’re you pouring so fast, babygirl? you in a hurry?”

tonight was going to be a long night.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

ellie couldn’t wait for her turn at the door to be over. she made sure to peek inside every chance she had, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t eyeing you. she couldn’t help it. she couldn’t stop looking at how the black shorts and black baby tee you wore hugged your body and showed off your figure, and she had never been more grateful for the existence of the uniform. but above looking at you because of how attractive you were, she wanted to make sure you were safe. she had dealt with lots of men like them before, and she wouldn’t hesitate to kick them out if things escalated even the slightest bit.

after a while, her supervisor dismissed her and told her to stay inside to make sure nobody was causing any trouble. of course, she went over to the area you were, since there was no one watching over that area and because you were there.

“why’re you pouring so fast, babygirl? you in a rush?” she overheard one of the men speaking to you, with a sort of entitled tone. if she hadn’t been paying attention before, she definitely was now. with the way they were acting, it seemed like they didn’t notice she was there. you were clearly uncomfortable, but tried to play it off, you didn’t want to cause trouble or provoke them. she watched closely as they kept offering you to sit down and drink with them, not listening to you no matter how many times you politely told them you’re not allowed. telling you to “just have one drink, it’s fine” and “no one will know” and they “won't tell your boss.” but your boss was not the only concern. the concern was you. you didn’t know these men, you didn’t know what they could do.

but suddenly, one of the guys sitting on the edge of the seat pulled you in by the hip and forcibly sat you down. in that moment, ellie immediately went over to the table and knew she had to step in.

“sir, you’re not allowed to put your hands on the employees. i’m gonna have to ask you and the rest of your party to step outside.” she said in a stern tone.

“she willingly sat down with us,” one of them lied, “she just wanted to have a drink. nothin’ wrong with tha-“

“i saw what happened. no point in lying. now please step outside before i have you forcibly removed from the premises.”

“yeah?” he stood up to face her. “you’re just a woman. what’re you gonna do? you can’t get all of us out of here.”

“sir, back down.” she warned.

“or what?”

she didn’t respond. instead, she punched him in the face, breaking his nose. a few of his friends stood up, but before they could do anything, some of the security had already gone over to the scene and stopped them, escorting them out as ellie went with you to the break room.

“you alright?” she asked, seeing how shaken up you were.

“i’m, uh, i’m fine. don’t worry.” you responded, sitting down on the couch, still uneasy from the experience. you hated people touching you without your consent, even something that was sort of minor like this. you were already uncomfortable, and this just made it even worse. you didn’t notice ellie had sat down next to you until she wrapped her arm around you and you melted in her embrace. you felt a little embarrassed at how comfortable you felt with a girl you’ve only had small talk with prior, but you were able to push that feeling away because in that moment, you didn’t care. the fact she hadn’t judged you and said “it’s part of the job” or something along those lines, let alone saying you were overreacting was enough to tell you that you could trust her.

“do you, uh, want me to drive you home?” she broke the silence.

“i can’t. i have to finish this shift.” you mumbled. “plus, my roommate has someone over tonight. i can’t go home right now.”

“then, if you want, we can go to my place,” she suggested, quickly adding on “but just so you don’t have to stay in this environment, i’m not trying to be creepy i promise,” because the last thing she wanted was for you to take it the wrong way and be uncomfortable.

“thanks, but, i still have to go back out there and finish my shift.”

she was a little sad. if it was up to her, she’d make you quit and happily support you. she made a lot of money for a college student, between working as a bouncer and dealing weed on the side. she had more than enough to support the both of you, but she’d never talk about anything of the sort out loud.

“i can speak to management for you,” she said, “i’m sure they’ll understand.”

you accepted hesitantly, the voice in the back of your mind telling you you’d just end up fired. but that didn’t matter to you in the moment. you had to get out of there. you couldn’t stand it anymore.

ellie guided you through the back door, making sure you wouldn’t have to face those men again, holding you by the wrist with just enough strength to make sure she wouldn’t let you go easily but not too hard so she wouldn’t make you uncomfortable. she opened her car door for you, waiting a couple seconds for you to get settled in in case you needed her help for whatever reason.

the car ride was short and silent. it wasn’t the awkward kind of silence, more so the kind of silence when there’s nothing to say. it was a comforting silence, a drastic contrast from the loud music in the club that had been blasting in your ears for the past 2 or so hours. you were looking out the window, watching the city lights and buildings as you passed them. ellie would be lying if she said she didn’t steal a few glances at you when you were looking away. she couldn’t help it, you were just so mesmerizingly beautiful she couldn’t help but look at you any chance she could.

when you finally arrived at her place, you were surprised to see she had a house and not an apartment. it wasn’t a big house, but it seemed like it could house about 3 people. you were about to ask about her roommates, but almost as if she read your mind, she said;

“sorry about the mess, i uh, i live alone, so. don’t usually have people over either.”

“it’s fine,” you shook your head, “i’m just grateful you let me come here.”

she noticed you sounded like you were in a better mood. “you feeling a little better now?”

you nodded. “yeah. i guess i just needed to get out of there.” you bit your lip in worry. “but now i don’t know what to do. i’m pretty sure i’ll end up getting fired after leaving like that.”

“after what happened to you? nah. it’s understandable,”

“are you sure? i-i mean, am i not supposed to let them know beforehand-“

“you’ll be fine, don’t worry.” she reassured you. “you’re sort of new, aren’t you?”

“not really. i’ve been working there for a couple months.”

“so you’re new. got it.”

you playfully rolled your eyes. “sure, let’s say that.”

she smiled. “anyway, you wanna do anything? or do you just wanna rest?”

“i guess we could watch a movie or something,” you suggested, “if you want, of course.” you were surprised at how bold you were. it wasn’t anything too bold, sure, but that’s only true for everyone else. for you, something like that, which others might think is minor, is sort of a big deal. not only were you at this girl’s house, but suggesting to watch a movie as well. you were a bit scared that might’ve been too much.

“yeah, sure,” she replied, “you into horror?”

“uhh.. not really..” you admitted.

“it’s fine, we can just watch something else.”

“no, no, it’s fine!” you insisted. it was, in fact, not fine. especially at this time, horror was not your thing. it wasn’t a huge fear of yours or anything, but you were a little embarrassed of the fact you still got scared while watching them, sometimes even got nightmares. but no way you’d admit that to her right there. you felt you were already being too much of a burden on her, so you’d just suck it up to not bother her any further.

a few moments later, you were both on her couch watching some random horror movie she had picked out. you didn’t even know what was going on in the plot, you were way too scared. you’d argue this was one of the scariest movies, scratch that, media in general you’ve ever seen. where did she even find this sort of stuff? ellie was full of surprises indeed.

you didn’t notice you had snuggled up to her, your head laying on her chest, from the fear. once you realized, your face turned red as you pulled away in embarrassment and mumbled some apologies as you moved away. to your surprise, she lightly tightened her grip of her arm she had wrapped around you (which you only now noticed as well), telling you with no need for words that it was fine, and you could stay that way. you didn’t really know how to react to that, but you stayed. something about her was so comforting. you barely knew her, yet you trusted her as if you’d known her all your life. it was a strange feeling. you’d been on multiple dates with the same person many times before yet you still felt more of a connection with your coworker who you had only spoken to a handful of times beforehand. you weren’t even paying attention to the movie anymore. your mind was too busy paying attention to the thoughts racing in your head to process what was going on in the screen about a meter in front of you. you had lots of questions, and the more that popped up in your head, the more your heartbeat sped up.

ellie could feel something was wrong. she lightly lifted up your chin to make you face her, locking eyes with you. she asked if it was because of what happened earlier. you felt like you should look away, but you couldn’t. something about her was just so mesmerizing. you lightly nodded, not wanting to admit all the thoughts in your mind at that moment. you looked into each other's eyes for a couple seconds, before she planted a soft kiss on your lips. it was the type of kiss that happened almost as a reflex, the type that you have almost no control over. you could feel her try to pull away after realizing what she did, but before she fully pulled away you pressed your lips against hers, pulling her in this time in a deeper kiss.

before you knew it, you were straddling her lap as she placed kisses on your neck, occasionally sucking on it softly and leaving light purple marks on your skin. you hadn’t realized how much it was turning you on until you started lightly rocking your hips back and forth, desperate to get any sort of friction. ellie realized what you were doing, and placed her hands on your waist, almost guiding your movement, causing you to let out a few soft moans and whimpers.

“ellie..” you whined.

“i know, baby, i know.”

she carefully lifted you off her lap and laid you down on the couch, hovering over you. she tugged on the hem of your shorts.

“let’s get these off.” she said, as she undid the button and slipped them off you with ease, revealing your soaked cotton panties. “cute,” she thought to herself.

“i’ve barely touched you n’ you’re already so wet,” she teased, rubbing your clit through the thin cloth causing you to moan softly.

after a moment, you started to whine, tired of her teasing.

“desperate, huh?”

you broke eye contact as you looked away in embarrassment. in the back of your mind, you couldn’t believe everything that was going on. you found it a little embarassing, hooking up with a coworker you had barely spoken to prior. but as you had been doing the whole night, you tried to push those thoughts to the back of your mind and focus on the moment.

“don’t feel ashamed, pretty girl.” she said, noticing you felt a little off. something about her caring but almost demanding tone was turning you on even more.

she carefully pulled your panties to the side, sliding two fingers in, thrusting them at a slower but steady pace. this was better, but it still wasn’t enough. you bucked your hips ever so slightly, to tell her you wanted more.

“you’re gonna have to try a little harder than that, baby,” she said. she knew exactly what you meant, but she wanted to hear you say it. you whined in complaint, hoping she wouldn’t make you say it out loud.

“use your words, princess,” she smirked while locking eyes with you.

“please, ellie..” you begged.

“please what?”

“please, more..”

“good girl,” she said under her breath, speeding up her pace and thrusting her fingers inside you twice as fast as she was before, causing you to moan and whimper louder. soon you started feeling a knot forming in your stomach, making you attempt to grip the couch.

“ellie.. fuck..” you moaned.

“i know, pretty. but you don’t get to cum yet.” she smirked, suddenly pulling her fingers out.

you whined at her words and the sudden emptiness inside you, as ellie softly chuckled at your reaction. she found it so cute. she found pretty much everything about you to be cute.

she stood up, and went to grab something from her closet. it was a bright purple strap, and it was quite big. you weren’t sure it would even fit inside you. you watched as she effortlessly took off her pants and put the harness on, walking back to the couch and positioning herself, the tip right in front of your entrance.

“i want you to cum from my cock.”

she started sliding it along your slit, coating it in your slick, causing you to whine a little, before positioning it once again in front of your entrance and slowly sliding the tip inside you easily.

you were still a little scared since you had never done anything like this before. you’ve gotten fingered before, sure, but this was the first time someone used a strap on you. especially one this big.

“ellie..”

“hm?”

“i’ve never, uh,” you stuttered, “done something like this.”

“never gotten fucked with a strap before, huh?” she said, “i could tell. you seem kinda nervous. but relax, princess, i’ll take care of you.”

the nickname only turned you on more. you didn’t get why you loved it so much. it had never crossed your mind, yet you were now sure it was your favorite pet name ever.

with that, she started slowly sliding it in, looking at your facial expressions to make sure she wasn’t hurting you. surprisingly, you were able to take it all. she started thrusting it at a slow pace, gradually speeding up, but not quite fast yet. she definitely wanted to fuck you way harder and faster, but she wanted you to get used to the feeling first.

after a few thrusts you started to get used to the feeling, and it was amazing. she sped up her pace a little more, gripping your thighs, and this time she was able to locate your sweet spot, and boy was she about to abuse it. she hit it with every thrust, making you twitch and moan at every wave of pleasure.

“good fuckin’ girl,” she praised, “already taking my cock so well.”

“ellie.. please..” you begged, between moans, “faster..”

“yeah? you sure you can handle it, tough girl?”

you nodded, and she immediately sped up. she fucked you a little faster than you expected, and it was a little too much, but the overwhelming pleasure was, at the same time, addicting. the sounds of your moans and whimpers, her groans, and your wet cunt filled the room. soon, that familiar knot in your stomach started forming again, except this time it was much more intense, causing you to try and grip the couch once again. she realized what was going on, and started using her thumb to rub circles on your clit. you started tearing up from the overstimulation which was the littlest bit painful but also overwhelmingly pleasurable.

“i wanna hear you say my name, baby,” she demanded, “i know you’re close.”

and almost on cue, you came all over her cock as you moaned her name, just as she demanded, as she fucked you through your orgasm and finally pulling out with a slight pop.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

it had been about an hour since you finished your.. activity. she insisted on getting a bath started for you, and now there you were on her bed, in one of her t-shirts that was a little big on you, freshly out of the bath. you texted your roommate before getting in the bath to tell her you wouldn’t be coming home tonight, and of course, she didn’t mind that at all.

not only were you on ellie’s bed, but you were cuddling her, trying to sleep. she told you you didn’t have to, and that she just enjoys sleeping with body warmth, but you knew better. maybe it was true, but it sure as hell was not the only reason. but you didn’t mind. you acted stupid and like you bought her story, because truth is, you really wanted to cuddle with her, and you were even thinking of similar excuses if she hadn’t brought it up first.

“you awake?” ellie whispered.

“mhm, sort of.” you replied, in a sleepy voice.

“i just, uh,” she paused for a moment, “i just wanted to know. when will i see you again?”

“on our next shift together.” you joked.

“no, dummy, i mean like this.”

you thought about it for a moment.

“i guess we’ll see,” you responded softly, “i’m pretty sleepy. i think we should talk about this later.”

she seemed satisfied with your response, but she still had the fear you were only saying that to be polite, and you didn’t want anything more or didn’t want this to repeat. of course, she’d respect you if that was the case, although she’d be a little disappointed. but she felt there was something more there, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. you weren’t like any of the other girls she’s hooked up with before. she wasn’t exactly sure what set you apart from them, but she knew there had to be something.

maybe it was just feelings.

but even if it didn’t seem like that was the case because of your shy personality, you wanted something more. just like her.

#arielle writes ୨୧ #arielle’s 18+ ୨୧ #ellie williams x reader #🪐 anon #ellie williams #the last of us #ellie x reader #the last of us 2 #tlou #tlou 2 #tlou x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams hcs #ellie williams drabble #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams headcanons #ellie williams smut

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isagrimorie · 10 months ago

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Because the whole Tuvix wank is rearing its head every week on Trek forums, I finally decided to rewatch this episode. I mostly avoided it because I am So Tired of the wank and how it's been relitigated for YEARS.

I was over it when it first popped up and I was even more over it with the way it's used as a bludgeon to promote 'psycho Janeway'.

But what's left out in the discussions is Kes's part in all of this, from the jump, Kes was troubled with the merging of Neelix and Tuvok, and anytime Tuvix tried to make advances, she just kept getting more uncomfortable.

(When Tuvix unconsciously touched Kes's shoulder, it looked like she had to consciously not flinch.)

To Tuvix's credit, he did give Kes space and respected her wishes but she was not happy with the whole merge because her relationship with Neelix and Tuvok is different.

We don't see the other people grieve but we see Kes's grief and confusion, which was shared by Janeway. But also, the moment the EMH had a solution to separate the two people in Tuvix, Harry jumped at the chance.

And he's already spent weeks with Tuvix.

The irony is that Janeway was coming around to thinking of Tuvix as an individual but the cure presented itself, but also as the Ship's Captain she has an obligation to care for her crew and absent or not that meant advocating for the two voices who couldn't speak up: Tuvok and Neelix.

Kes was the deciding factor. Kes made her plea to separate Neelix and Tuvok.

Kes was the biggest reason why Janeway decided to separate Tuvok from Neelix.

It was such a cop-out from the Doctor that he refused to do the procedure he made and pioneered. And forced Janeway to execute it instead.

Janeway is clearly not happy about the decision and she's caught between a rock and a hard place.

In Nothing Human Janeway verbalizes it.

"Any consequences of this decision will be my responsibility. Dismissed."

Janeway's constantly put into a wheelhouse of trolley problems, as the only high-ranking Starfleet officer, she is the final authority. In Nothing Human everyone is locked in an endless debate about the morality of using the Cardassians' methods to save B'Elanna's life. Meanwhile, the clock was running down to zero and B'Elanna could have died more.

(Honestly, the story should have been more B'Elanna, Doctor, and Janeway-centric than it was. Nothing Human is a weird episode. Especially since Seven was barely in it and seems to be the Acting Chief Engineer -- amusingly enough because the writers thought they killed Joe Carey between s2 and 3. Alas, poor Vorik, he's not getting any promotions either).

TLDR: Janeway is constantly living through what the Doctor of Doctor Who is living through. Or as the 12th Doctor once said: "Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose."

#thinky thoughts #that episode of voyager #star trek voyager #kathryn janeway #yes i wrote this because robbie mcneill's assertion #that tuvix hurt janeway's character #annoyed me so much #i like ya rob but no #this was just another building block to her character #as someone who is willing to do the hard choices #and shoulder the consequences

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melancholicstation · 1 month ago

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𓊆ྀི󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠 ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST: OPEN DOOR! - a jack schlossberg one-shot. 𓊇ྀི

summary: your open door architectural digest interview with your husband jack schlossberg takes an unexpected, and downright sensual turn in your shared kitchen over the most innocuous citrus fruit. note: this is part of the husband!jack schlossberg universe, here are other works with wife!reader and husband!jack: like an american, husband!jack hc's, and comfort husband!jack hc's

warnings: orgasm denial (male), cunnilingus, smut, 18+

words: 1,830

"Hi AD, We're Jack and Y/n, welcome to our house"

Filming for Architectural Digest, as glamorous as it might look from the illustrious glow of a MacBook screen, was not all it cracked up to be. AD had been relentless in their pursuit, contacting both you and jack's agents on more than one occasion proposing the opportunity for you guys as a couple to be featured on their open door celebrity series.

Initially as a couple you had turned the opportunity down, with Jack working tirelessly on the campaign and you being busy with negotiations on your new book deal: it just wouldn't have worked. But after your wedding, which was featured in Vogue, the title "The Bride Wore Vintage John Galliano And The Groom Wore JW Anderson. Inside Their Cape Cod Ceremony" The open door offer came around once again and it came at just the perfect time.

A few weeks back you and Jack had been getting back into the grove of normal life after returning from an illustrious three week honeymoon in the Greek Cyclades: a honeymoon spent in mostly nothing—bar itty-bitty specs of linen as makeshift bikini's, and gucci by tom ford beachwear.

Getting back to AD, you'd woken up before Jack: which was funny because when you first entered the relationship Jack was always the one who got up early, maybe you've been a bit of a bad influence in that department. Nevertheless you spend about five to ten minutes neglecting to wake Jack up: instead opting to trace the sepia hairs littering the top of his neck while quietly leering at his chest hair—looking like an absolute creep, but I mean, he was your husband after all so—that's gotta minus at least 15% of the pervy factor, right?

When he did wake up—and subsequently clocked your staring contest with his chest, he proceeded to lean over like a total and utter drama queen to piously cover himself with the sheets like a 30s model getting a tasteful nude portrait of herself to give to a lover.

You neglected to do any makeup only choosing to smear some P50 lotion on you and Jack's face—you swore he was like a toddler sometimes always wanting to mirror whatever weird shit you put on your face. Once the hair, makeup, and stylist team for AD got there you and Jack were effectively separated for the next few hours, which you did not hear the end of via jack's incessant complaints about the distance between him and you over iMessage and many, many unhinged gif selections sent to your iPhone.

But alas, you two were reunited for the open door interview and it started off generally normal...

First, you two were situated on the front steps of your townhouse and asked when and why you chose the house,

Jack started for you, "We moved here about five years ago, and it was the second house we both had looked at ever in our whole lives, and it so happens that it was the first house we ever bought as a couple"

"Seems clandestine to me", the interviewer cheerily replies to which you both glance at each other playfully while he speaks.

Taking the hint to speak up, you share what drew you to the home adding, "I love the city, but I also love wood and I love light and I love antiques, so I just fell in deep love with the place. For us it struck the perfect balance of being in the city while not feeling like the city was breathing down your back all the time, it can be hard to find a place like that here."

Making your way into the apartment, you and Jack were told to take a short break for about 2 minutes while the videographer got a good layout of the place, and scoped out the best lighting angles to capture it.

Your home occupies the first floor of a Meatpacking District block, and is a few blocks away from the Hudson River—which more than encourages your Husband's borderline addiction to paddle boarding. But, hey you routinely get to see your man walking home in an ultra-tight swimsuit sopping wet, so who were you really to complain about such things?

Despite loving the city, you found yourself devoted to the charm of those old French farmhouse interior's that you'd looked at in your mom's old magazines. And it felt particularly poignant to you guys as a couple—being that your first couple of dates were in the south of France.

You and Jack didn't want the space to come off as just another midcentury modern sterile, ultra-functional flat. So, you opted for sheetrock to be removed from the walls and ordered a large pair of antique door double doors for the living space off 1stdibs.

Just as abruptly as the break had started, it subsequently finished and the cameras began rolling once again. The interview dragged on until you two had finally gotten to the kitchen which was the last room and the last portion of interview.

You started the space off absolutely waxing poetic about the olive-coloured room,

"This is our little kitchen, we painted it horribly together. And then needed to implore a professional painter to fix our many, many painting faux pas." you take a breath to giggle slightly with Jack at your shared delusional confidence that you could paint a whole room successfully.

It was then Jack's time to pitch in, while the camera man did a slow zoom across the decor littering the marbled countertops—causing you and Jack to both notice a certain stone bowl containing a citrus fruit that you know for certain neither of you put there before AD came. Weird you thought, you weren't notified that set-dressing came with the interview.

Leaning on the counter Jack laments, "I love baking, I cook a lot too. I love limes"—to which he dramatically takes a lime into his hands, spinning it between his large fingers, "They're great and I love them so much, and I like to present them like this in my house."

You try not to let the emotion of total bafflement present on camera at Jack straight up lying for the hell of it about the limes being an integral part of your shared household decor—he neglects to mention that they're set dressing and that he's moderately allergic to them.

Closing of the interview you fake lead the interviewer out of the house to close out the interview, only to let them back in seconds later. The interviewer, Mark, who seems to be a genuinely sweet guy thanks you and Jack for your time, informing you that the crew should be packed up in 10 minutes, and the camera guy only needs another 5 minutes to get b-roll footage.

Once all the pleasantries have been fulfilled you lead, or rather playfully drag Jack by his crisp collared Prada button-up into your kitchen.

"Jack, I mean seriously what the hell was that, truly? I know you know you're allergic."

"M'sorry it was just too good not to pass up! I mean what kind of weirdos just but a bowl of lemons out and nothing else? it's barbaric just from a feng-shui standpoint alone!"

"Godd you're such a weirdo. Come kiss me and make it quick so I can forgot that very fact, please" you beckon him to you, placing your chin on his chest with your hands on his chin. Which, by the way is blemish-less—god, you absolutely hated men sometimes.

"Oh come on! you only kiss me cause I'm a weirdo, let's be real." Jack chuckles yet fulfils your request. He kisses you like a man starved which was quite concerning since you had only parted from him today for two hours—absolute max.

The intimacy got more and more heated until well... maybe you currently had your loafer clad feet either side of jack's head while he ate his idea of a mid-afternoon desert.

The very motion of Jack placing the flat side of his tongue against your clit sent you into an absolute. fucking. meltdown. To the point where the moans you made no longer represented someone who was cognisant that they're were about fifteen people working for AD rooms away. You try to compose yourself, which provides a stark contrast to his relentless endeavour on your clit that seem to be ever increasing.

As if to praise your restraint of volume his thumb gently strokes the inside of your thigh—up and down... and up and down. Sensing your impending climax Jack speeds his motions and adds a digit that outright seems to antagonise you—almost trying to tease a mind-numbing orgasm from you. And because you're weak in the face of his machinations, you of course do.

On your come-down you notice a glaring visitor—a quite large bulge in his pants and decide to take pity on it and by looking at the saccharine, loopy look on his face, him as well.

But you wouldn't be yourself if you didn't make him work for it at least a bit.

Continuing your motions on his bulge: feeling it's twitches and reflexes as intimately as you feel him breath while sleeping on your chest at night—

That was until the door to the kitchen was knocked upon,

"Sorry to be a bother but could you guys get that bowl of limes?—the crew is absolutely swamped trying to pack up for the road."

It was at this point in your movements on his bulge that Jack was starting to get loud, a bit too loud for your current situation, so you did the one thing that could shut him up—bar actually suspending the current movements on his mound: but that wouldn't be half as much fun would it?

Quick thinking led you to quite forcefully shoving a medium sized un-cut lime into his mouth to drown out his moans: it sure as shit worked but his puppy dog-like eyes made you feel bad for your prior roughness—you settled on a quick caress of his hair as a pseudo apology.

"Oh of course it's no trouble at all, we'll go grab it now!"

Hearing the footsteps move further and further from the kitchen you glance at Jack: a pitiful, overstimulated sight really. But a sight you deeply enjoy no less.

Picking up the bowl of lemons you grab his hands, afixing each hand to a parallel side of the stone bowl,

"Why don't you go give them back that bowl of limes you love so much and then maybe we can get back to what we were doing?"

Overcome from the intense stimulation Jack nods, willing to do anything that brings him present relief,

"Good boy" you coy, swiping off your own juices from his mouth and chin, then finally taking the un-cut lime out of his mouth.

tags: @obsessedwithjohnjr @candyneckl6ce @rocker-chick-7 @ultr4v1ol3nt @violetharmonsfavgf @strip-weather-forecast @darcyspirits @fortheloveofjos @h-l-v-kennedy-blog @h-l-vlovesvintage @bluelancergirl @snowsgames @salvatoresablondie @dulcegal @kennedyism @bloxholden35 @kimcrystal123 @absurdlyvintage @jackiesgirl @chemicalw0rld @remotewatch @starsprangledgirl @strryhaze @beloved-angel

#12 days of melancholicstation #husband!jack #wife!reader #jack schlossberg fanfiction #jack schlossberg imagines #jack schlossberg imagine #jack schlossberg x reader #jack schlossberg x you #rpf #political rpf #kennedy fanfic #kennedy fanfiction #kennedy rpf #jack schlossberg rpf

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yanderederee · 9 months ago

Text

SleepOver

June1st, 2004

a/n: coping w past trauma go brrrrrr— I thought it was a cute idea. I hope yall like it♡ longer than my usual words tbh, 3.5k words… whoops. ALSO!!! I love! Writing! For MamaBaji Ryoko! Why is she also lowkey a comfort character at this point? Pls read it for her if nothing else ♡

c/w: off screen child ab*se, fluffy comfort though.

before! › now! › after!

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

Keisuke and Ryoko Baji were sat on their living room sofa, eyes glued to the TV. This was it, the finale of their favorite detective-murder-mystery show. Already half an hour into the episode, they were at the edge of their seats. All the answers to all the mysteries would soon come to light…

That is, until the shrill call of the home phone broke the tension.

“Kei, you get it.” Ryoko said quickly, eyes not leaving the screen. Keisuke clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Just let it ring, I ain’t missing this!”

His mother threw an empty beer can at him weakly. “It’s bad luck to not answer a phone call!”

Keisuke gave an exaggerated groan, before doing as he was told. “Don’t let me miss anything!” He called before picking the phone from its receiver. If only he could simply pause the show for a moment to pick up where he left off….alas, it is 2004—-

“What?” He asked rudely. Before he could even have the chance to correct himself with a proper greeting, the eerie sound of crying stopped him in his tracks.

“K-kei…” your strained voice rang loud— despite it only being a whisper.

“Y/n? What’s wrong? Where are you?” He rapid fired questions, already itching to throw on his shoes.

“H… he hit me… not l-like usual… I—“ you cried even harder, breaking your poor boyfriend’s heart.

“That fucking bastard… are you still at home?” He asked. Honestly, he was eager to speed over and beat your father to a fucking pulp. He’d only met the guy once, by accident. After he learned of your father’s disgusting habit of hitting you anytime he was frustrated, Baji made it a point to make sure you were home as little as possible. He should have rocked his shit the second he first found out.

“He… kicked me out. I kind of already started walking to your place… if that’s okay,” you said softly, worriedly. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you beforehand, if it any trouble- I’ll—“ you began to excuse yourself, in case inviting yourself over on such short notice was a nuisance.

“I’m on my way. Keep walking along the same path we always do, I’ll find you. I’ll take mom’s phone with me just in case, call me if anything changes, okay? I’ll be there in just a few minutes.” Keisuke sped his words out, turning to his mom expectingly. “I’m sorry….” You sobbed into the reciever. “Don’t apologize, don’t ever apologize. I’ll be there soon, I promise.” He replied softly. “I’ll see you soon, remember, call me on mom’s phone if you need me before I show up.”

After he’d receiving your confirmed response, he hung up the phone and ran to his room to grab his bike keys. “Who was that? Where are you going? Why do you need my phone?” Ryoko called out, worried.

“Y/n. I’m picking her up. Need your phone just in case, alright?” Keisuke said, rather than asked. Her eyes grew wide with worry, quickly pulling the decise out of her purse to hand it to him.

“What happened?” She asked, but her son was in too much of a hurry, already stepping on the heel of his shoes. “I’ll be back,” he gave no further explanation, before running out of his apartment and down the stairs.

After retrieving his bike, he was off like a bat out of hell on route to you. Keisuke could remember the path you both took to walk back and forth between each other’s homes even if he was blindfolded at this point.

True to his word, it had only taken 7 minutes to reach you; who was walking small on the furthest edge of the street. “Y/n!” He yelled after you, skidding his bike to a halt, too quickly had he hopped off and kicked over his kickstand.

He ran to you, arms open for you as you rammed yourself into his chest, tugging tightly to his tee shirt.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you.” He said calmly, careful to maintain his composure for you. He didn’t want you mistaking his pent up aggression as your fault. He could wait to release it the next time he saw your father.

“Keisuke..” you sobbed into his shirt, shaking like a leaf when his arms wrapped around you tightly. “I know. Don’t cry anymore, everything’s fine now.” He did his best at comforting you, even if he wasn’t confident in his ability to do so.

“Let’s go home, we can stop by the corner store and grab some snacks on our way. ‘You ate dinner yet?”

He pulled away, just enough to look at your poor face. God, you bruised fast. Keisuke hated how much the sight sent him over the edge. He always looked at you to feel steady and at ease with all the was wrong in the world. Yet now, seeing you so upset, hair disheveled, tear stained, and bruised… he wasn’t sure how long his restraint would last.

Still, your angelic smile took him out of his grotesque thoughts of violence. You smiled like you were so relieved to see him. Despite your poor state, you were happy to finally be held by your ever concerned boyfriend. “I’d like that…” you whispered, throwing your arms over his shoulders again before burrowing into the crook of his neck.

Baji took a deep— deep breath, before letting it out, and holding you tighter.

How many times would he break his promise of protecting you? The pain of not being able to do so was slowly eating away at him.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

When you both finally made it home safe, Ryoko was sitting at the table, fiddling with a cup of tea anxiously. Quick to greet you both, the mother all but froze upon seeing your bruised face. Similarly to her son, her stomach sank and turned. Unable to hide her prickling of tears, Ryoko rushed over to you and held you in her arms tightly.

“Oh honey…” she whispered into your hair, holding back from crying as best she could. Things like this didn’t usually upset her, she’d gotten used to her son coming home with much worse a long time ago.

But you were a different story. You didn’t deserve any of the hurt that came your way.

The feeling of being embraced by her motherly scent, you were quick to tip over the edge as well. You were just emotionally vulnerable right now, you couldn’t help when fresh hot tears came spilling over onto her shirt.

“Sit on the couch, I’ll be right back.” She said with a squeeze, a final look over of your face, before dashing off to the bathroom.

Unsure, you looked over at your boyfriend. He gave you a warm smile and smoothed a hand over your back. Walking with you andsitting next to you on the couch, he pulled open the bag from the corner store. “I know you said you were cool with it, but you’re sure Yakisoba’s alright for dinner? I mean, I do it all the time I guess so I ain’t one to talk but—“

“What? Have you not eaten?” Ryoko asked with furrowed brows, hands full with anti-swelling gel and an ice pack. Nervously, you looked down in your lap. Ryoko sighed, sitting on her knees while giving your face another look over. “It’s okay, I’m not mad sweetheart. I’m happy you’re here,” she said kindly, resting her hand on your opposite cheek. “If you ever need anything, we’ll help you. You don’t even need to ask, okay?” She said while looking you in the eyes, apparently emotional as she did so.

You tried to reply to her kind words, but got chocked up before you could. So instead, you nodded softly, hugging her. She hugged you back, looked at her son, glancing at the first aid materials laid out on the table, and back to him, expectedly.

Keisuke nodded to his mother when she gave you another final squeeze before lifting to her feet. “I was just about to whip up some dinner,” she lied with an award winning grin. “Any requests?” She asked, already halfway to the kitchen.

“Her cooking sucks, but it’s tolerable—“ Keisuke began to tease, expecting to have to dodge a thrown ladle in response. But given the situation, Ryoko’s death glare was equally as bone chilling.

You giggled at the exchange, feeling a weight of tension lifting off your shoulders being in the casual and warm home. “No ma’am, no requests.” You replied. “She likes extra konbu in her soup, and extra rice.” Baji called over, grinning ear to ear when you gave him an embarrassed shove.

“Here,”Keisuke held the ice pack up, now that it wasn’t dangerously cold to hold against your face. Still cold to the touch, you flinched unexpectedly. “Hold that on there for a while. ‘Less you want to be spoiled, I can hold it for ya” he chuckled in jest.

“I got it, thanks.” You chuckled back, and held the ice pack to your cheek.

Keisuke was practically a professional when it came to patching up wounds, ever since his mom started making him to do it himself years ago. He’d be sure to help you apply the anti swelling gel after dinner.

To waste the time, Keisuke quickly turned on the re-run for his show’s finale.

You’d seen enough episodes to know a few characters names, and some important plot points, but still fell short of many of the shocking twists the show threw at your flabbergasted boyfriend.

Sitting so closely on the couch was still a little foreign to you, normally used to sitting side by side on the floor pillows. It felt weird when your knees would touch eachother, or when his arm would casually fall behind you in the back of the couch, his warmth radiating against the back of your neck.

You felt yourself wanting to lean closer, to lay your head against his shoulder. Perhaps if you were alone, you would be so bold. But with his mother just a few feet away; you couldn’t bring yourself to do so.

“Damn that was good!” The youngest Baji hollered with glee. “I know right! Even I couldn’t have saw that one coming!” Ryoko hollered back with a laugh. “Alright, dinners ready!”

Quick to help you up from the couch by ever so chivalrously taking your hand in his, you both made way to sit at the table with giddy little smiles.

It wasn’t much, and while Baji’s off-handed comment wasn’t incorrect, you felt as though you’d just finished eating the best dinner you’d had in a very long time.

“Thanks for the meal!” You tried gathering the dishes together to help clean, but Ryoko simply wouldn’t allow it. “I’m glad someone appreciated it,” she chuckled before beginning the washing.

“About tonight, I’d offer you Keisuke’s bed tonight; but that brat can’t keep his room clean to save his life. The sheet probably hasn’t been—“ “I just washed them three weeks ago!” “Oh my god.” She sighed.

“Anyway, if you don’t mind sleeping on the couch, I’ll have Kei bring out a few blankets to lay on. Is that okay?” She asked worried.

“I really shouldn’t impose,” you tried to deflect the act of kindness, but the thought of going home made you physically want to throw up. “But… as long as you’re okay with having me, the couch is plenty. Thank you so much.”

Ryoko smiled happily, and gave her son a quick look, as if to tell him to fetch what she’d asked for. He obediently got up from his spot at the table, and left to bring in the spare blankets. “Do you need a shower?”

“No ma’am.” “You’re sure? You don’t have to be shy, I’ll lock Kei in his room so he won’t peek.”

“I WOULDNT DO THAT!” Keisuke yelled at the top of his lungs with a red face.

You laughed. “No, I’m alright, really.”

“Alright, I’ll be right back with some night clothes.” She patted your head before walking off to her room.

All the attention had began to overwhelm you, as you started fidgeting in the dinning room chair. It was a lot, more than you could get used to in such a short time.

“Sorry, I can tell you’re probably uncomfortable. That’s just the way she is.” Your boyfriend spoke in a quiet tone, as to not alert his mother in the room over. “She just really cares about you. ‘Appreciate you for putting up with her.”

You both sat in silence for a few seconds, until you stood up and helped with tucking in some blankets between the couch cushions. “You have a really good mom, Kei. I understand why you’re so serious about doing well in school now. Let’s work together to make her proud, okay?” You said to him, earning you a shocked look.

The shock wore off, and left behind a childlike smile. “Let’s do our best.” He agreed, patting your head gently, til his hands began running down the sides of your hair, and onto your cheek.

The genuine moment shared between you two made your heard pound. He’s touch was so gentle and considerate. Had you only known Baji as a brawler, the act would have seemed foreign coming from him. But you knew Keisuke as a gentle person, who loves animals enough to care for the local strays, who looked out for his friends, and fought on their behalf.

This was just another side of him you absolutely adored.

The tension created was undeniable, as you both slowly leaned into one another, threatening to share a kiss in his own living room.

“Alright, here you go!” Ryoko called out loud, as if intentionally. Your faces both went red at being caught to blatantly. “T-thank you!” You yelled back, quick to your feet and to grab the garments from her arms. “I’ll get changed.”

Quick to lock yourself into the bathroom, you couldn’t get over how hot your face was burning. The swelling on your cheek stung at the blood flow, eventually bringing you back to reality.

About why you were there in the first place. You looked in the mirror, assessing the damage for yourself. It was definitely dark, but the swelling was not as bad as it could have been.

As you changed out of your day clothes and into the clean night wear, you noticed something funny. The sweatpants fit fine, but the shirt was considerably large. Looking it over, it was a black shirt with a skull print. Definitely Keisuke’s.

Did she accidentally give you the wrong shirt? Still, as you brought the collar up to hide the lower half of your face, you could smell his usual scent over the laundry detergent. It was so comforting.

After folding your clothes as neatly as possible, you left the bathroom and headed back to the living room.

“Alright let’s see… a plastic bag to store your clothes… an extra pillow… that should be everything.” Ryoko yawned. “Alright, time to call it a night. I work in the morning, but I’ll be quiet so I don’t wake you. Sleep well Y/n~”

She escaped to her room, but quickly gave a shout, “You too Keisuke! Go to bed and don’t try pulling any funny business! My door’s open!”

Keisuke clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes at her final comment.

“Here, let me help you with this real quick, then I’ll be out of your hair.” He said while pulling out the gel from earlier. Careful as to not apply any unnecessary pressure, his middle finger gently rubbed circles into your cheek. You sat patiently as he did so, happy to be taken care of as if you were made of glass.

Once he’d finished, he tried retracting his hand, but… couldn’t. Keisuke looked over your face again, disappointed. “I’m sorry this happened…” he whispered, and hung his head. His hand followed suit, gripped in a fist as it rested beside you on the couch. “I keep saying I’ll protect you, yet…”

You smiled, accepting that it was your turn to comfort his insecurities. “You take care of me more than you realize, Kei… I couldn’t be selfish enough to ask for anything more.”

Baji sighed, laying his head in your lap.

“You should be more selfish, yaknow that?”

“I’ve always taken care of myself. I’ll manage.” You said softly.

It didn’t do anything to comfort him though.

Suddenly, an idea popped in his head. He smiled, and looked up at you from his resting position. “How’s learning self-defense sound? I’ll teach ya.”

Your eyes widened. “Learn self defense? Like, how to fight? I don’t think—“ you nervously looked away, but Keisuke took your hand in his, leaning closer. “Not how to fight, dummy. I’d rather kill someone than let you fight. Just some basic self-defense. Well, maybe more intermediate.” He thought about it eagerly. “Please? I swear I won’t be hard on you. I’ll even demonstrate with Chifuyu first so you know what to do.”

Keisuke has always been a pretty passionate guy, but right now, he was absolutely starry eyed.

Always quick to give in, you giggled at his eagerness. “Sure, I think that’s a good idea.”

After agreeing to his idea of teaching you how to defend yourself, and a final call from his mom to leave you alone, he finally departed into his own room.

Even with all the lights off, and no voices echoing through the small apartment… it felt like a home. A genuine home. It was nothing like the cold, large and quiet house you visited after school.

You felt safe, secure under the cozy blankets. The couch was comfortable, and the extra pillows elevated your head to lesson the swelling in the morning.

Therefore, There was no reason for you to be awake still, after two hours of tossing and turning.

It’s not like you were uncomfortable. Why couldn’t you go to sleep? Perhaps it was because your mind was working overtime. When you went home in the morning, dad was sure to be pissed at you for not coming home, even if he was the one to kick you out in the first place.

You were literally damned if you did return, and damned if you didn’t. You were worried about the consequences. Would he hit you the same as he did just a few hours ago? Would he ignore you? Ground you? Forbid you from seeing Baji ever again?

Well, it’s not like he knew Baji was your boyfriend in the first place. He probably already forgot all about his existence.

Still, the possibilities kept multiplying, causing you to stir with upset.

“Hey, you still awake…?” A soft whisper called from the other end of the living room. Turning to face the sound, you found Keiuske standing awkwardly. “Yeah…” you whispered back in a disappointed tone. “Can I sit with you?” He asked right after; already making his way closer to you.

You could never deny him, ever.

“Of course,” you smiled at him through the darkness, finally able to make out his facial features with him closer now, seated on the floor by your head. “Why are you still awake?”

Keisuke rested his arm on the couch, laying his head like a pillow against it as he stared at you. “I dunno.” He lied. It was easy to tell when he lied when he looked at you so sincerely.

“You sure?” You doubled down, propping your head up on your wrist to look down at him. He didn’t look away.

“I just…” Keisuke thought about his next words carefully. “I don’t know why, really… guess I’m just restless.”

You nodded, folding back a piece of hair that fell in his face. “Me too.” you lied. And he could tell. He didn’t call you out on it though. Playing with his hair eventually lead to you running your fingers through it, the same as you would when petting PekeJ. This brought Baji so much comfort, his eyes started slacking.

Not wanting to say anything to ruin the mood, you silently kept petting Baji’s smooth hair through your fingers., occasionally running your nails along his scalp to ease him further. While he began to doze off, you took time to appreciate how pretty your boyfriend was.

His clear complexion, although littered with tiny battle scars. His thick eyebrows, permanently narrowed to give him his signature resting bitch face. The faint scent of strawberry chapstick, the same one you gifted him after teasing him about how chapped his lips were for your first kiss.

Everything about him made you feel so at ease. Completely entranced, you couldn’t think about anything else.

No stupid stuff like your family, at least.

Once you were certain he had fallen asleep, you leaned in close and laid a kiss on his forehead. “I love you,”you whispered away from his ear, not wanting to wake him.

And despite not being conscious, Keisuke smiled.

You pulled one of the multiple blankets off of you, and gently draped it over him.

You laid your head down again, and watched the back of his eyelids dance in slumber, his soft snoring helping ease you to sleep yourself.

taglist: @lovley212 ,

#FragileDearest #I hope this post reaches you in good spirits #I’m sincerely unwell #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x y/n #tr x reader #Tokyo revengers baji #tr baji #Baji #Baji keisuke #keisuke baji #baji x reader #keisuke x reader #baji keisuke x reader #a letter from Baji Keisuke #letter from keisuke baji

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