#but air is less important than the others

[lovemybluebully]

It's For Science

This is just a little something I scrounged together, inspired by a post by @snugglyfluffle 😊

https://www.tumblr.com/snugglyfluffle/761535277842022400/since-logan-has-a-shorter-waist-then-wade-does-do?source=share

Damn, writer's block has been a biiiiiitch. I wrote a lot of this in the later hours of the night after my long workdays so sorry if it's nothing spectacular, or if there's any spelling/grammatical errors. 

Wade gets it into his head that maybe not all humans have the same number of rib bones. His logic being that since Logan has a shorter body then he may be an exception. Unfortunately for Logan this is far too ticklish of an experiment for him to bear.

A small bit of ticklish!deadpool at the end too. 😉

Warnings for foul language and other Deadpool-type stuff.

"Deadpool and Wolverine"-verse

M/M Tickle Fic

Word Count: 4,234

"The skeletal system is comprised of bones that give structure to the body and work with the muscles and joints to provide movement. The human body contains 206 bones….," the certified doctor on the television explained as he gestured to a replica model human skeleton while Wade sat watching on the couch.

"207 if I'm watching Gossip Girl, hehehe. Shit, I already made that joke in the movie. Well it's still true anyhow, am I right?" Wade snorted a laugh as he turned from his position on the couch with his hand up for a high-five, but found his roommate leaned back in the couch with his eyes closed and his hands on his lap.

It had been a nice lazy afternoon for the two of them and Logan had KO'ed quite a few beers as the monotone voice of the television host was making him doze off.

"Pssht! Old man can't stay awake for five minutes," Wade waved him off as he turned back to the tv.

"The ribcage has an important job in providing protection to some of the most vital organs being the lungs and the heart. There are 12 ribs on each side, making 24 in total…"

The merc blinked in curiosity as he sat up tall and now slowly began to feel up each side of his body to count the ribs within, having to dig in pretty thoroughly to get through the muscle.

"Hmm I'm only feeling 20 here….," he rechecked to be sure, finding all the ones leading up to his collarbone.

"The 11th and 12th pair of ribs are called 'floating ribs' because unlike all the others they are not attached to the sternum but are still attached to the backbone….," the doctor went on as he pointed to two pairs of ribs on the back area of the skeleton.

Wade's hands wound around to his lower back and found the missing pairs right where the doctor said they'd be.

"Huh. What do you know, he's right. I mean, duh!" He bopped himself on the forehead, "Of course he's right. He's a fucking doctor. Hey Wolvie, you're missing some interesting stuff here."

"Mmph," Logan only grunted in response, not even hearing what Wade had actually said as he started to drift further into fully passing out.

Wade then had a thought pop into his mind as he looked over at his near-comatose friend. Logan's torso was a lot shorter than his own so he wondered if it was true that all humans had the same number of ribs. The doc hadn't specified if it was possible to have less and Wade's hyper mind needed an answer right away.

"Hmm. I suppose I could just Google it to find out for sure, but nah! I prefer to do my own field study. Plus you all need a fun little fic to read, and I know Logan won't mind if it tickles just a teensy little bit. Commence Operation How-Many-Ribs-Does-A-Wolverine-Have."

He slid over and wiggled his fingers up in the air before placing them on the bottom of Logan's ribcage, pressing in gently to feel the first two ribs as the man immediately jumped and blinked his eyes open in a groggy daze.

"Whatistha….Wade? What-heheh-What're you doin'?" He batted at Wade's hands with very little accuracy from being half-asleep, giggles escaping him as the fingers moved up to the next set of ribs.

"Well if you had stayed awake Peanut, you would have seen this educational program I've been watching about the human body. They say there are 24 ribs in a human, but I was curious if it applied to all body heights. Being that you're a little shorter than me I wanted to see if you had the same," Wade explained his current lunacy as Logan started to wake up a little more though it took him a moment to really process everything that had been said.

"Huh? The fuck are ya-eheheheehee-Ribs? Course I do, dipshihihit. Now stohahahop it," he was unsuccessful in trying to block out Wade's hands as they continued up his sides.

"I sure will. Once I have verified the facts. Though I'm pretty sure this would go a lot quicker if you would just hold still," Wade smirked big time, knowing there was absolutely no way Logan could ever stay still for something like this when his torso was so ridiculously sensitive, "Okay looks like that's number 5…..and oh, there's 6…."

"How abohohout I c-count your teeheeheeheeth after I knohohock 'em outta your fuhuhuhucking head?" Logan chuckled hard, taking a half-hearted and easily dodge-able swing with his fist towards Wade.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, muffin cakes. Come on, this is a fun game. At least smile, would ya?" Wade teased, looking down at his friend while increasing the speed that his fingers wiggled around against his sides.

The X-man's grin had lit up his normally stoic face while he made many attempts to shove Wade's arms away, but those nimble fingers were practically glued to his sides.

"Of ahahahall the stuhuhuhupid-Eeeheheheheheheh! Stahahahap, ya mohohohoron! Thehehehey're all thehehehere!" Logan was giggling uncontrollably and sinking back into the couch cushions, trying to will his body to phase through and escape but there was only so much give that he was allowed.

Truthfully after the relaxing day he'd had and the keg of beer in his belly he found that he wasn't too bothered about Wade waking him up with his dumb experiment.

"How can I be certain? Got any proof? Any reliable witnesses to corroborate your case? Hmm? Perhaps you have an x-ray of your body to show me? A scientific essay conducted by a world renowned researcher? Any of those would be acceptable."

Logan obviously could only shake his head.

"N-Nohohohohoo, buhut I can cuhuhut myself opehehehen and-ahahahahaa-you cahahahan loohoohook for yoursehehehelf!" He released one claw from his hand as Wade gasped in horror and quickly grabbed his wrist to pin it to the couch with his knee.

"Ohhh no you don't. You're crazy if you think I'm gonna allow my precious little badger to cause himself any harm. Besides my method is way less messy. Just wish I knew why you find it to be so funny," he stated, playing dumb as Logan attempted to growl through his giggles, though the intimidation factor was completely lost.

"Yohohohou f-fucking knohow why I'm lahahahahaughin', ya ihihihihidiot!" He retracted the sharp blade back into his body, trying to squirm free, "Now gehehehet outta thehehehere, ohohor ehehehelse!"

The threats were in full effect, but the claws remained sheathed.

Wade recognized that Logan was in a more light-hearted mood than normal, and he wasn't going to let it go to waste. If he had woken up with murder on his mind then Wade might have been more inclined to back off sooner. But now that he had the green light it was on!

"Or else what? Doesn't seem like you're trying too hard to stop me," he called his bluff and grinned at how the man weakly pulled at his wrists with his one free hand and was trying to curl up in defense.

He knew Logan would be fighting him a lot harder than this if he was really as disagreeable as he wanted him to think.

Actually, Wolverine had a little secret he was keeping. He would die before admitting it out loud, but there were times he found that he actually enjoyed this. Yes, enjoyed getting tickled within an inch of his life.

Definitely not at first though. And to fully grasp the situation we'll have to rewind the story just a…

"Aw nohohoo bub! Thehehey don't neeheed to hehehear all o' thahahat!"

Wade's heart skipped a beat as he gasped in excitement.

"Oh em gee! Your first fourth wall break! I'm so fucking proud of you!"

Shush, we're doing this.

Anyways Logan couldn't remember ever being tickled before so the day Wade had discovered that he was in fact quite ticklish he did everything in his power to fight him off and avoid it altogether. Wade wouldn't back off though and inevitably got him pinned down, even though it resulted in several stab wounds to his head and torso.

Having been alive for over 200 years Logan was very used to experiencing pain of some of the highest levels physically and mentally, but tickling was something very alien to him. Not surprisingly he struggled with processing the maddening, yet gentle touches.

He didn't like to show any signs of weaknesses, but being tickled completely overwhelmed his heightened senses, especially in the touch department, and it was impossible for him to not react to it. There had been feelings of anger and humiliation at how easily simple fingers were able to render him powerless, and it only got worse once he finally broke into agonized laughter.

Logan hated the feeling of not having control, especially over his own body. Once he had managed to break free, he had been extremely cross with Wade and went into one of his brooding moods for the majority of the day.

After giving him time to cool off, Wade eventually approached him to apologize, and Logan shrugged it off now that his temper had died down. Though he had been working on trying to better himself and he explained to Wade what it had made him feel and why he had reacted so strongly against it.

Wolverine being vulnerable enough to share his feelings with him was one of the only times Wade was ever completely serious and really gave his full attention. Despite getting a kick out of always annoying him Wade never wanted to cause him true stress and it made him feel like a real asshole when Logan ended up apologizing to him too.

Wade promised to never do it to him again but added that he just got carried away due to the fact that he really liked seeing Logan not only smile but laugh especially. Logan had become utterly stupefied by that confession. He thought Wade had only been trying to torment and embarrass him, which was what had really set him off.

He had then taken the next few days to reflect on that. He could definitely empathize with how good it felt to see someone you really cared about experiencing joy. Knowing that Wade's intentions were far from malicious had really put his mind at ease about it, realizing that his pride had gotten the better of him.

And the more he thought back on it it really wasn't that bad.

Which was why Wade's squawk of surprise when Logan tackled him from out of nowhere to attack his sides with tickles gave Logan the same fuzzy feeling he assumed Wade had had. Wade not only was laughing from the tickling, but from relief as well, realizing that he'd been unspokenly forgiven.

He didn't even fight it and just let Logan tickle him to his heart's content until finally the man stopped and grunted that he had hoped he'd "learned his lesson" while giving him a small smirk.

Wade was able to read between the lines and took the chance to pounce him the very next day, and despite some growling threats he received the older mutant didn't seem entirely displeased. Logan had completely let his guard down, which now enabled him to truly experience it in full.

Still, he made Wade work for it before he finally stopped holding in his laughter. The crazy merc then proceeded to make him laugh harder than he could ever remember doing in his past, and he found the brain chemical effects from that to do wonders for his mood.

The funny thing about it to Logan was that even though he was rendered helpless from tickling he realized that he was still 100% safe, and he found that to be a very comforting thought. It was a new experience for him to be in such a close proximity struggle where the end goal wasn't to try to hurt or kill him.

Sure, Wade would use tickling as a form of retaliation a lot of times, but it was all the same to Logan by now. Naturally he wasn't always in the mood for a tickle attack, but these days more often than not he didn't fight it too much and was quite content to let his roommate turn him into a squirming, wheezing wreck.

Of course, for appearances sake, Logan would still curse his head off and threaten the man's life at every turn. Up until the mischievous merc would tickle him to the point he could barely take it and turn that macho attitude into desperate pleas for mercy.

Which brings us back to our current situation.

"Dahahammit! I-I dihihihidn't ahahask for a wahahahaake up cahahahall!"

"No thanks needed! It's totally complimentary in el Casa de Wade. But don't mind me, feel free to go back to sleep. I'm just going to keep counting these ribs here until we get to the bottom of this. Ah, finally we found 7 and 8."

Wade was still acting as if this whole idea was just to count his ribs and hadn't even acknowledged that he was purposely tickling him and realizing that made Logan feel even more giddy as he let out a snort and shook his head.

"Wade c'mooon! Get ohohohoff! Ya-heehehehe-Ya know I'm ticklihihihihish, fucker!" His big-muscled arms were clamped so tightly against his sides, but there was no stopping the determined fingers crawling up his ribs.

"Whaaa? Wolverine? Ticklish? Ha! That's absurd! My guy Logan is way too mean and strong and tough to be affected by something so childish! Oh boy, and I thought I was the king of jokes around here. Now come on, stop messing around and just move your arms out of the way so I can finish this," Wade smirked, loving to tease him about his ticklishness in regard to his hard-core reputation.

"You fuhuhuhucking ahahahasshohohohole!" Logan snorted hard and now fell over to the side as he began scooting along the couch to get away.

"Heheh, where do you think you're going? Stop being so dramatic, Nancy Kerrigan. It's okay to make that joke now, right? 30 years later is fair," he shrugged at the camera, not letting up one bit as he followed along with his squirming prey, "I can feel 9 and 10 now. We're almost halfway there! Oooh! How exciting!"

"Cuhuhut it ohohohout! Heeheheheheheheh! Juhuhust drohop this stuhuhupid ideheeheeheea!"

The higher Wade went the stronger the tickling sensations felt, and Logan was pretty sure he was going to die before the last of his ribs were even reached, though in his mind it honestly wasn't the worst way for him to go.

"🎵 Ohhhh the itsy-bitsy spiders crawled up the waterspout….🎵," Wade effortlessly sing-songed with clawed fingers continuing their torturously slow progress, thoroughly scraping over every rib bone they came across, "🎵 Down came the rain….but couldn't wash the spiders out because they were having too much fun counting all these cute little ribbies. 🎵."

It always made Logan feel silly whenever Wade's teases took on a more juvenile form. He was the tenacious and deadly Wolverine and yet Wade was treating him like he was just some harmless little kid. He was never able to stop the blush from spreading across his face.

"Shuhuhuhuut uhuhuhup! Ohohor you're gohohonna haahahave another fuhuhuhuckin'-Hahahahahahehee-hohohohole t-to breheeheeheeathe outta yohohour fahahahat hehehehead!"

"Wow. We're body shaming now? I'm very sensitive about my fat head, you know. Well have you looked in the mirror lately, mister? Just walking around with those big, sexy arms and your handsomely chiseled jawline, and don't even get me started on all that sculpted beef that you're hiding in disgrace underneath this shirt. Yeah, doesn't feel so good now, does it, you absurdly attractive man? Uh huh….oh….yup, right there we got 11 and 12."

Wade was just so ridiculous sometimes, but when Logan was already caught in a laughing fit the merc's unstoppable blabbering only succeeded in making him laugh even harder. And unfortunately, he was slowly losing his will to carry on with acting tough through this tickle session.

"Fihihihiiine! I'm-heeheehehahahahaha-I'm sorrrrry! I tahahahake it bahahahaack! Just stooohohohoooop!" Logan didn't know how much more he could take of this. Actually, he did know due to having suffered under Wade's fingers for months now, and the answer was a lot.

"Why? I'm just trying to get a count here. 13……14…..It's for science. Hey look, I'm sorry……," Wade pretended to show some remorse before breaking into a huge smirk, "Sorry my wittle Wolvie-polvie is too freakin' ticklish for his own good!"

Logan's back finally met the armrest of the couch, preventing him from going any further as he leaned back over it to try to get away. Though this now had his ribcage fully stretched out as Wade stepped it up and dug his fingers in mercilessly between rib bones, making Logan positively howl in laughter.

"Ahahahahaa! Wade naahahahahahahaho! Pleheheease! Thahahahaat tickles!" He thrashed madly trying to wiggle away, but Wade had him pinned right where he wanted him as he just snickered at the situation.

"I think at this point you know that was part of my plan all along. Hehehe, but we're so close! Think of the prestige we'll get from this scientific breakthrough! Oh! I think I just found 15! Oooh! And could that be 16?! C'mon, buddy! Bear with me now!"

The upper ribs were basically in Logan's armpits that were covered with a more fleshy layer and Wade was really having to probe in there to actually feel the bones beneath.

"Not thehehehere! Noohot thehehehehehehhehehere! Haahahahaheeheeheeheehaa! Mehehehehercyyyyyy! Logan squealed helplessly with his head tilted back and showing off his elongated canine teeth; his face as red as a tomato as tears squeezed out of his tightly shut eyes.

The feral man's t-shirt had ridden up, exposing the lower half of his ripped stomach and Wade was currently in a position where it was at eye level. He smirked as he thought about how crazy Logan got whenever he would blow raspberries into his tummy, and he found the urge to do so was just too strong to resist as he took a deep breath.

"WAAAHahAHaHAhaHAHAAADE!!" Logan screamed with the first oral assault landing directly around his navel, breaking into silent laughter while wheezing desperately for air. Many more blows were delivered to his belly and ribs while the fingers continued tickling in his armpits as Logan summoned up any energy he had left and pushed with all he had in him at Wade's head and shoulders.

Eventually after being slapped and punched in the head so many times, Wade finally allowed himself to be pushed away, taking one last nibble at his hip bone.

"Geez, calm down Hugh, you over actor," he chuckled as he looked down at the man who was currently swallowing all the air he could and gingerly wiping away at tears.

"Okaaahaahay…..Fuckin' Hell……That's it…..for nohohow…..Y-You got me…..good……No more….right?"

"Weeeeeell if you would have just stayed still, we could have had this all over with. But noooooo, you just had to make me lose count," Wade sighed loudly in feigned disappointment, "Looks like I'm gonna have to start aaaallllllll over again."

With a wicked grin he began reaching out towards the still incapacitated man who was now shaking his head frantically as his hands raised in defense.

"N-No Wade. Not again. Stay back. Heehehehe-please. I can't take any more," he couldn't help giggling in anticipation as Wade hovered over him again.

"Hold still now…Don't worry Peanut, we'll get through this together. So that's 1……and 2…….and a coochie coochie coo…," Wade started again on his waist to get at his bottom ribs as Logan was already breaking into squeals.

"20?! Again?! For real?! I've counted three times already!"

Logan was hanging halfway off the couch; his hair sticking out in every direction and his cheeks slicked with tears as he coughed and tried to regain any hint of sanity he had left.

"It's……It's……fine…….Wade…..I'm sure……..they're in……there……somewhere……," he panted weakly, slowly starting to feel his energy revitalize.

"Or maybe you really do only have 20? My theory that you have fewer since you are shorter may be correct!" Wade was getting lost in his thoughts, but then at that moment a voice of reason sounded off.

"And remember, the 11th and 12th pair of ribs are referred to as 'floating ribs' and are only attached at the backbone….," the television was still on and by this point the doctor had gone back around and was summarizing everything he had just talked about.

The light bulb finally went on in Wade's head.

"Oh yeeeeah……forgot about those little buggers," Wade slowly turned to look at his friend whose eyes went wide as he scrambled to get away.

Five seconds later and Wade had Logan pinned on his stomach as his fingers wiggled into his lower back to find the missing rib pairs while Logan cackled wildly and pounded his fists with his feet uselessly kicking at the cushions.

"23…..and 24! Well would you look at that! I guess all humans are the same after all!" Wade declared happily as he finally climbed off of his roommate, signaling the end of his reign of terror, "Whaddya think, Wolvie? Aren't you so glad to have that useful little tidbit of information at your disposal?"

Logan gradually rolled over onto his back and raised an annoyed brow.

"Could've just fuckin' Googled it, bub," he growled, though a smile was still stuck on his face.

"Okay I admit waking you up may not have been the nicest way to go about it, but you know how impatient I am. And be honest, you really don't seem that upset about it," Wade grinned, reaching over to scribble fingers over his now exposed stomach while Logan snorted chuckles and tried to block him out with his knees before rolling away.

"You're lucky I didn't piss my pants, asshole. Drank a shit load of beers right before I fell asleep. I gotta piss like a fucking racehorse now," Logan stumbled to his feet and walked off to use the bathroom.

Wade grinned as he watched him walk away before turning to the audience.

"He's cute, ain't he? And I didn't hear any denial in that, did you? He doesn't know that I heard the author spill his secret earlier. It's nice to know that he actually enjoys it, even if he won't say it. I'm totally good with that."

The sound of Logan groaning in relief echoed down the hallway followed by the toilet flushing several moments later before he walked back out to join Wade on the couch.

"Did you make sure to put the seat back down? Althea won't be happy if she falls in again," he asked as Logan looked at him with a frown.

"That one was on you, shithead. I always remember to. You've lived how many years with this poor lady? I seriously don't know how she's put up with your stupid, inconsiderate ass for so long."

"Exactly the same way you do, sugar tits," Wade grinned and pinched his cheek, receiving an adamantium elbow into his side and grunting as the air was knocked out of him momentarily.

"It's a daily struggle that's for sure. But I owe ya a lot for breaking me out of my destructive cycle, so we'll call it even," Logan had softened his demeanor, knowing he truly owed Wade his gratitude as the other man noted this and took advantage of his guard being down.

"Awww there it is! Right there! I knew you loved me!" Wade squealed as he jumped onto Logan's lap and wrapped his arms around his head in the tightest of hugs.

"Gaah! Wade! Fuckin' dammit! Let go of me!" Logan struggled to pry Wade off of him until he was hit with a moment of inspiration as he latched his fingers onto Wade's unprotected sides to start tickling him with everything he had.

"Aahaahahah! Logan dohohohohooot! Thahahahat's nohohohot fahahahaaair!" Wade yelped with giggles as he quickly tried to escape, but Logan held him firmly in place.

"Fair? Okay, let's be fair. See we learned that all my ribs are there, but seems we've overlooked yours. Think it's best we check that out right away, don't you?" Logan asked with a crooked grin as Wade frantically shook his head while thrashing in his lap, "No? Well ain't that just too damn bad."

Logan dug right in with both strong hands, not even hiding the fact that his mission was to tickle the absolute shit out of his roommate.

"Okaahahahay yohohou cahahan cheheheck! Heheehhehahah! Juhuhust nohoho tihihihickling!"

"Now how do ya expect me to do that? You got an x-ray or some bullshit to show me? A fuckin' thesis paper on the matter? What? Ya don't? Well that fuckin' sucks for you. Looks like we're doing this the old-fashioned way. What number was I on? Oh yeah….1…….1…….1……1 again….."

"Cahahahahaaan't you fuhuhucking cohohount, you neahahahanderthal?!?!"

Logan smirked big time, repeatedly prodding into the same rib over and over.

"Guess not. Numbers apparently aren't my strong suit. Looks like this is gonna take alllll day then."

Wade could only laugh and squeal in response, knowing he had sealed his own doom.

[philomenie]

RIDE THROUGH AN AUTUMN NIGHT

Pairing: Jolly x Alice

CN: angst, grief, break up, mention of cheating, drugs, alcohol, fluff

@reyadawn @nojoyontheburn @dsireland86 @jilliemiw86 @fadingintothegrey @aubrey-melinoe

dividers by @saradika-graphics

Exhausted from lack of sleep and jet lag, Jolly stands at the car rental counter at Stockholm airport waiting to finally get the damn keys to his rental car.

The last few hours seem almost surreal to him... he's now been traveling for almost 13 hours, and on top of that he's hardly slept at all, as he left straight after the last concert in L.A., went to the airport, waited there for the next available flight to Stockholm, which fortunately wasn't fully booked and left in less than half an hour.

So now he's in Stockholm, overnighted, exhausted, without luggage, in sweatpants and a hoodie, although at this time of year, unlike in warm California, it can get pretty cold in Stockholm.

The last rays of sunshine on this sunny October day have long since faded and it is already dark.

Jolly needs nothing more than a bed and a good night's sleep, but he has to go through with what he has planned.

He is afraid that once he is asleep about everything, his courage might leave him and he knows that if he retreats now, he will probably never have the courage to do what he wants to do, needs to do.

He is now firmly convinced that he simply MUST do it. He MUST seize this opportunity, this last opportunity, to perhaps have a minimal chance of saving what he so carelessly threw away so long ago. The love and affection of Alice.

The woman who once meant the world to him and whom he first abandoned and then repressed. Repressed, not forgotten, because he could never really forget her completely.

Whether it was a one-night stand, friendship plus or a relationship after Alice, he had unconsciously compared every woman to her, as he had realized in the last few hours on the plane.

He thought long and hard and came to the conclusion that he was a huge fucking asshole who too often just wanted to have fun and live the rock star life to the full.

Whether it was women, partying or the occasional drug, alcohol.... He lived his life to the limit for a long time without showing much consideration for others. Others who should have meant something to him, meant something to him, like Alice....

FUCK, what an idiot he was.

Lately, or rather in the last two or three years, he has slowly realized that this life isn't everything, can't be everything, and he has taken a step back, no more random one-night stands, no more drugs, hardly any alcohol, hardly any parties.

Somehow he's only really grown up now, in his mid-30s, and has realized what's really important in life....

The decisive factor was actually his last failed relationship, when his girlfriend at the time accused him of only being half-hearted about it, of not fully committing to her and the relationship.

This got Jolly thinking six months ago and he realized that his heart was still attached to Alice, as his thoughts kept wandering back to her and the questions of 'what if' and 'what could have been' still dominated his thoughts and feelings.

“Right Mr. Karlsson... here are the papers I need you to sign here and here..... and here are the keys to your hire car!” smiles the young woman behind the counter, snapping Jolly out of his thoughts.

He looks at her, irritated.

“You still have to sign here and here!” she explains kindly a second time and pushes the rental agreement and the insurance contract towards Jolly.

“Um... yes, sorry, I was thinking it!” mumbles Jolly and quickly signs the papers, then has the key handed to him.

“The car is in our parking lot, right here at the airport, you can't miss it if you go straight out through the main exit.... Parking lot number 14!” explains the young woman with a smile, ”Have a nice stay in Stockholm!”

“Hmm, thanks!” nods Jolly and walks off, out of the building, where the cold, crisp fall air rushes towards him.

Jolly stops for a moment and takes a deep breath of the fresh air, closing his eyes briefly. The smell of home runs through his head and a pleasant shiver runs through his body.

Home... what does that actually mean to him now?

Is it California, L.A.?

Or is it rather Sweden....

In the past, he would have said L.A., his new home, without batting an eyelid, but right now he feels a certainty deep inside him that this is his real home, always has been and always will be.

His roots are here and perhaps it is time for him to realize what that means.

Home.... Jolly also knows that it's not just a place, a feeling, but also a person.... His home has always been Alice. With her, he felt safe, loved, understood, accepted just as he is, wasn't questioned, didn't try to change.... He was simply allowed to be himself..... just be....

He could just kick himself in the ass for throwing it away like that... God you asshole, you moron, he thinks to himself angrily!

Jolly quickly finds the car, a silver-colored SUV from Volvo... a Volvo, of course... what else here in Sweden, he thinks to himself and has to grin.

He gets in, then sets the sat nav before driving off.

Fuck, three and a half hours' drive, and it's already past 9 pm... which means he won't be in Jönköping, or rather Husqvarna, a suburb of Jönköping, until half past twelve. His old hometown, where he was born and raised, where he took his first steps in the music business with his first band, where he met and fell in love with Alice.... The place he was all too ready to leave, just as he was all too ready to leave Alice. For a career in America.... For a life to his liking..... an extraordinary life.

But this extraordinary life has been demanding a lot from him lately, almost too much if he is honest with himself.

Sighing, he turns the ignition key in the lock and starts the car, drives out of the parking lot, letting himself be guided by the voice of the navigation system in the dark, starry autumn night.

Jolly's thoughts drift back to the previous day, the concert they played, which was something of a turning point in his life, depending entirely on the outcome of the conversation Jolly wants to try and have.

Nevertheless, he already knows that no matter how the conversation turns out, he won't be the same person he was before.

Too much has happened at once, he's learned things he didn't know, never thought he would, and he's realized how much he's hurt Alice.

God, she won't listen to me anyway, probably won't even let me get a word in edgewise, if she even opens the door....

Jolly becomes uncertain.

Damn it, shouldn't he go to a hotel after all.... NO, at least he has to go to Jönköping today. He can stay in a hotel there.

He doesn't want to go to his parents, especially as they don't even know he's here. He hasn't told anyone that he's coming.

Of his bandmates, he only told Noah because he came to the conversation, if you can call it that, that he had after the concert.

Jolly is sure that Noah has told everyone by now that he had to leave urgently.

He can still remember Noah's words: “If you're going to do it, do it properly, be honest, just go completely naked if you want to have another chance with her!”

And that's exactly what he plans to do!

Kilometer after kilometer passes in the starry night. Jolly has opened the window a crack to feel the fresh, cold air on his skin and to dispel his tiredness.

He takes a few deep breaths in and out.

He reviews what has just happened in his mind's eye.

During the concert, he had already noticed the young woman standing near the barricade with her friends. The first time he consciously looked at her, he messed up the chord, which earned him an irritated look from Noah. Normally, he never messes up.

But he was too perplexed, because at first he really thought he was looking at Alice. About the same height, same figure, even the same hair color, almost exactly the same facial features.... Even the dimples when she laughed were identical.

This woman looked exactly like Alice did when he left her, nine years ago...

Jolly had to keep looking at her, which her friends also noticed and pointed out to her. The cool, disparaging look that he then received from ice-blue eyes made it clear to him that it couldn't be Alice, as Alice has green eyes, but he was familiar with this look and had already received it in the past.

From Maja, Alice's little sister, who is 10 years younger than Alice and hated him with a passion back then. That definitely hasn't changed, in fact it has intensified.

After the concert, he practically stormed off the stage, more or less threw his guitar into Josh's arms and went down to the barricade, but Maja and her friends were nowhere to be seen.

Fuck... he just has to find them and ask for Alice....

He had searched social media for her some time ago, but couldn't find her profile. His internet search revealed that she still lives in Jönköping, Husqvarna. In a typical Swedish house on the edge of a small settlement, just as she always wanted.

A lump then formed in Jolly's throat as he recalled some of the conversations they had.

At the beginning of their relationship, when they were just 20 years old, Alice and he often played a game, What if....? A question and answer game

What if I'm 30 years old... Alice once asked.... He still remembers this question very well, including his answer!

Then we're married and you're touring the world with me because I'm a famous rock star....

Jolly feels that lump in his throat again and angrily punches the steering wheel.... FUCK!!!

God, they were so young and so in love.... Alice was friends with Petter's sister and once happened to be at a band rehearsal in Petter's basement.

They had both fallen head over heels in love with each other. However, it took a while before they finally got together because both were too shy and insecure at first to reveal their feelings to the other.

Heavens, when Jolly thinks about it now, he gets the same weak knees and that tugging in his stomach, in his chest, as he did back then, whenever he thought about Alice or saw her.

He can even smell her scent if he closes his eyes for a moment, which isn't safe considering he's sitting in a car right now and driving. Lavender. Alice has always smelled of lavender.

A flower that even he knows, as his mother has dozens of lavender bushes among her roses in her garden.

Alice was always at his side, at every performance, whenever she could manage it.

They were inseparable.

Until... until he became something like a megalomaniac! In any case, at some point everything was too small, too little, not spectacular enough for him. He wanted more, much more. Fame, success and, stupidly, other women who willingly offered themselves to him.

After every infidelity, he crawled back to Alice in remorse, promising her again and again that it would never happen again. After every drunken binge, he swore to her that he would drink less or nothing more. Because as soon as he got drunk and Alice wasn't with him, he ended up back in bed with some girl anyway.

He still doesn't know why Alice kept taking him back. She seemed to be able to forgive him for all that.

Maybe because they were simply made for each other, she knew that, only he had forgotten it?

FUCK.... Alice was just perfect for him, in every way.

Her silky dark brown hair that shimmered reddish in the sunlight. Her green eyes that sparkled like emeralds, her cherry-red, full lips that he loved to kiss so much, her dimples when she laughed. Her sparkling laugh in general, which always made him weak.

Her delicate hands with the many silver rings, her perfect ears with the piercings. Her swan-like neck, which he loved to cover with kisses.

Her narrow waist, which he loved to embrace, to pull her towards him, to signal to everyone that she was his and only his.

At some point, he began to pull away from her more and more, partly out of a guilty conscience, partly out of selfishness.

Maja more than hated him at this point and showed it openly as soon as they met.

Jolly has to think about her last evening.

Alice must have known back then when he turned up at her door. With his hoodie and baseball cap pulled over his face, his hands buried deep in his trouser pockets, staring at the floor as he began to speak haltingly.

She was still defending him against everyone and anyone at this point, not letting anyone say a bad word about him, even when he hurt her, unconsciously but also consciously... in the end it was mostly conscious and he didn't care.

That absolute shitty evening when he stood stammering on the porch outside her parents' house and told her that he was leaving and that he was therefore ending their relationship, he knew for a fact that he was breaking her heart.

She plunged into an absolute hole of despair and he hardly cared because he told himself that it was the right thing to do, that it was time to move on, to get to know new things, to start a new life....

HE decided what Alice wanted didn't count for anything at that point.

Jolly angrily hits the steering wheel again.

Damn selfish idiot, he growls again and again.

Maja then appeared at some point and shouted at him because she had heard her sister crying. The girl hit him and shouted that he should fuck off, preferably die and never come back, just leave her sister alone.

Jolly was almost right, he could practically escape from the situation, which he did without looking back once.

He blocked out Alice's sobs until he drove away with screeching tires.

FUCK..... Now he remembers this little detail, just before he started talking.... Alice said we need to talk.... Jolly thought she meant their relationship, that it's at ground zero right now, disastrous, messy, destructive!

Now he knows she wanted to talk about something else... FUCK!!!!

If only he had listened to her once....

If only he'd let her talk first....

However, he's not sure if that would have made much difference at the time.

FUCK, he really is the biggest scum.…

Jolly has to stop because he feels sick and dizzy, so he pulls into a parking bay on the side of the road, switches off the engine and pulls open the driver's door, sucking the crisp autumn air into his lungs.

Slowly, the dizziness and nausea get better.

Damn... he hasn't eaten or drunk anything for a long time....

Just as he is about to let the navigation system search for a gas station or a snack bar, his cell phone buzzes.

It's Noah.

“Arrived safely?” he wants to know immediately.

“Hmm,” grumbles Jolly in agreement.

“So, are you in Jönköping yet?” Noah continues.

“Not yet... I've still got a good two hours' drive ahead of me!” gulps Jolly.

“Fuck... have you slept at all?” Noah asks anxiously.

“Some.....” Jolly qualifies, stifling a yawn.

“Are you still going to see her today?” Noah asks.

“Honestly... no idea right now!” growls Jolly, ”Since I've been on the road, I've been thinking about everything, what mistakes I've made, how much I've hurt her.... But also how much I loved her... how much I still love her...... Noah, she was THE one... and I broke everything, threw everything away.... How am I supposed to just show up at her door in the middle of the night after almost 10 years and beg for forgiveness? Beg her for forgiveness with the idiotic hope that she'll take me back?”

“You can only try, what she does then is not in your power to influence!” Noah explains seriously, ”Like I said, get naked! If she really means as much to you as you said, then this is your only chance!”

“I know..... but I'm scared shitless right now!” whispers Jolly harshly, ”So much depends on it.”

“Exactly, that's why!” hisses Noah, ”Jesus, Jolly, since when are you such a doubter? You're not a coward! Face up to everything, admit your mistakes and hope for the best, that's all you can do!”

“Yes, I am a coward... I was and I probably still am.....” mumbles Jolly, embarrassed.

“Then face it!” Noah declares seriously, ”Just do it!”

“Hmm” grumbles Jolly.

“Listen, let me know when you've arrived and what you want to do then. Maybe you'll have a bit more clarity by then!” Noah explains gently, ‘And one thing you shouldn't forget, despite everything, is what Maja's girlfriend blurted out!’ he then grins.

“Hmm” nods Jolly, a little more hopefully.

“So! Stand your ground and don't run away!” Noah reiterates to Jolly before hanging up.

Jolly stares thoughtfully at the display of his cell phone.... The words of Maja's girlfriend still clear in his ear.

FUCK, he has to try, Noah is right, so he sits back down, closes the car door and drives off again.

However, he makes a little detour to the nearest gas station and stocks up on various snacks and drinks, as his blood sugar feels off the charts.

After he has consumed most of the snacks and 2 cans of Coke, he feels better again. Not just physically, but mentally too, so he is determined to go through with it.

Preferably tonight!

The longer he drives towards Jönköping, towards Alice, the stronger his longing for her becomes. God, it just has to work, he tells himself again and again.

Alice is his home, always has been and always will be....

Maja will strangle him, as she has sworn to do, if he dares to go to Alice, but he accepts that.

Maja was so angry, mainly because her friends, especially Selma, had blabbed and only didn't go after him because Noah suddenly appeared next to him.

Jolly has to grin at this memory.

It was pure coincidence that he met Maja and her friends after the concert after all.

After he and the others had freshened up, they actually wanted to get to their minibus in the venue's private parking lot.

On the way there, they had to pass a group of concertgoers, separated by barricades.

Jolly's gaze automatically wandered over the people and got stuck on Maja, or more precisely, her rear view.

Jolly was struck by lightning at first and couldn't move, but then he gave himself a jolt and approached her, talking to her over the barricade.

Her friends' eyes almost popped out of their heads, but they stared at him and Maja open-mouthed and speechless.

It felt like an eternity before Maja turned to him with a cool, hateful look.

“What do you want?!” her voice couldn't have been icier.

“Talk?!” he shrugged his shoulder awkwardly in response.

“What would I want to talk to YOU about!” came the reply.

“Maja... please, I know it's been a long time... but when I saw you earlier.... Damn you look so damn much like her.....” he swallowed.

“You realize that now, after fuckin almost 10 years?! Fucking asshole! You could have contacted her long ago if you'd really wanted to! Suddenly you're getting sentimental? Remembering the good old days? Or are you horny? Don't you have a slut to fuck right now?” she snapped at him.

Her friends were more speechless than ever, and other concert-goers listened with interest.

“Maja... please.... can we discuss this in peace and quiet? In a different setting?” he tried to reassure her.

“Forget it, Karlsson, you're scum and I'm certainly not going to listen to you!” was her reply.

Until Selma regained her composure and blurted out a few things.

“FUCK.... Then HE really is HIM?!” she stammered.

“Shut up!” growled Maja.

Jolly couldn't quite follow that.

“I thought you were joking when you said you knew the fuckin guitarist from fuckin Bad Omens.... FUCK!” blurted out one of the other women.

“Yes... I 'know' that asshole... unfortunately!” Maja hissed.

“But is HE really HIM then?” Selma followed up.

“Shut up!” growled Maja.

“FUCK... you know very well that Alice still loves him, if that's who he is! Hasn't forgotten him. As well as.....” Selma blurted out, interrupted by Maja.

“Shut your mouth, Selma! I won't say it again!” Maja grabbed Selma's arm angrily.

“Alice still loves me?!” whispered Jolly tonelessly, more to himself than to the others. This information turned his whole world upside down.

Selma, who had broken away from Maja, nods, “Yes, she does... She hasn't had a steady relationship for years, dates now and then that have all come to nothing.... Which isn't just because of Liam!”

“Liam?” Jolly furrowed his brow in irritation.

“That's enough... it's none of his business! He ran off back then and Selma, I swear I'll wring your neck if you make another sound!” Maja hissed at her friend.

“Who's Liam?” Jolly wanted to know.

“As I see it, your son!” Selma nodded and Maja tried to lunge at her, which Jolly just managed to prevent with a firm grip.

“DON'T TOUCH ME!” Maja yelled out all her anger and frustration, ”AND LEAVE ALICE ALONE!”

“Maja... is that right?” gulped Jolly, thunderstruck.

But Maja preferred icy silence.

“Yes... Alice has a son and he must be yours!” Selma nodded instead.

Jolly felt like he might faint in an instant, so he clung to the barricade. Panting and gasping for air, he stood there, “Really?” he croaked with a pleading look at Maja, who didn't give him a glance, instead stabbing Selma with her eyes.

“Maja... is that true?” he repeated pleadingly.

“He looks a lot like you... your hair color, your eyes....” Selma enumerated, ”The right age. She hasn't told anyone who the father is, but..... well, when you see him, you'll just know!”

“Maja....?” Jolly choked out questioningly.

“Luckily he doesn't have your nature...” Maja hissed almost inaudibly, but Jolly had heard and his legs threatened to buckle.

At that moment, Noah joined them and was able to observe Jolly's strange behavior from a distance.

Worried, he put a hand on his back, “Are you OK, Jolly?”

“No... actually, nothing's ok....” Jolly choked out, ”I have to go, Noah!”

“What, where? Why?” Noah wanted to know immediately.

“To Sweden... She's still in Sweden, isn't she?” Jolly asked and Selma nodded.

“Yes, she's still alive, or rather back in Jönköping!” Selma confirmed.

“If you care about her, you leave her alone!” Maja suddenly declared icily, ”She's been through hell because of you, even after.... Now it looks like she's made up with her life and everything. Don't you dare destroy that again by showing up, turning everything upside down and then disappearing again! Besides, it's also about Liam, a child!”

“I.... Maja... I need to talk to her!” gulped Jolly.

“Yes, YOU have to talk to her, all right. Once again, it doesn't matter what she needs!” snapped Maja.

“Maja, she still loves him.... She told me at the summer party when Nils broke up with me. She told me about her great love that she could never forget and how hard it is to let go, even though you don't really want to....” Selma explained gently.

Jolly felt sick.... FUCK, he really destroyed Alice back then.

Noah looked from one to the other uncomprehendingly, “Alice, Liam... kid?? What are we talking about here?”

“I guess I have a son!” gulped Jolly and Noah went no less pale than Jolly already was.

“WHAT???” he gasped tonelessly.

“Yeah, with Alice... I didn't know about anything... had absolutely no idea, she never told me.....” gulped Jolly.

“Yes, I wonder why!” Maja added spitefully.

“The Alice you told me about? The one you still love?” Noah then wanted to know, which made the women present sit up and take notice.

“Yes, that Alice.....” nodded Jolly.

“Then go to yourself, get your shit in order, get naked and try to win her back!” Noah nodded seriously.

Jolly looked at him questioningly, but Noah just gave him a shove, “GO, for fuck's sake, what are you waiting for?”

So he ran off, took a cab to the airport and is now here, in the middle of the night on a lonely road in Sweden on a clear fall night. Ready to take his fate into his own hands and win back the love of his life.

Monotonously, kilometer after kilometer goes by. Jolly goes through countless scenarios in his mind, what he should say to her, how he should say it.

FUCK, he feels like a schoolboy trying to slip a love letter to his crush. Just as excited, just as insecure.

As the lights of Jönköping slowly illuminate the darkness, Jolly's heart beats faster, he feels sick again and starts to sweat.

He nervously brushes his hair out of his face.

What should he do now? Go straight to her or check into a hotel and wait until tomorrow to attack her?

Jolly is getting more and more nervous.

Swearing, he pulls up again with squealing tires. He has to get to her, otherwise he's afraid of losing his courage.

The small settlement on the outskirts of Jönköping already seems to be sleeping peacefully, with only a few illuminated windows to be seen.

The SUV slowly rolls along the road until Jolly reaches his destination.

Alice's house.

His heart is pounding in his throat and he feels like he is going to faint again when he stops and takes the ignition key out of the lock.

He has to inhale and exhale deeply for a moment.

A glimmer of light can be seen from a window at the side. Alice must still be awake.....

She's always been a night owl, he remembers, and a smile steals across his face.

With trembling legs, he walks through the small garden gate and along the gravel path that winds its way to the house, climbing the steps to the porch that nestles against the front door.

Should I really, it races through his head......

He almost lets his hand drop again, but then he raises it again and knocks hard on the front door.

It's so loud, he himself is startled and looks around because a dog has started barking somewhere nearby, so he doesn't even notice that the hall light has gone on and keys are being turned in the door lock with a rustle.

Only when the door opens a crack does he startle, staring into bright green eyes that widen in shock.

Before Alice can slam the door shut again, at least that's what Jolly assumes, he pushes his foot between the door and the hinge and presses his hand against the door.

“Please.... We need to talk!” he chokes out, looking at her pleadingly.

Alice is so shocked that she can't get a sound out, nods automatically, undoes the chain in front of the door and then opens it completely.

As she stands there in front of him, Jolly's knees go weak and a stupid grin appears on his face. God, how could he have left her.

A whole world of emotions assaults him.

Love, desire, longing, security, home.... He feels all of this at the same time, just at the sight of her and the delicate scent she exudes. Lavender.

Alice is still unable to make a sound, so she just stands there in her leggings, oversized sweatshirt, thick woolen socks and messy hair bun, from which countless strands have stolen and are winding around her delicate face.

Jolly would have liked to tuck her behind her ear, but he doesn't dare move a finger, let alone touch her.

So he just chokes out, “We need to talk!” again.

Alice must have recovered from her initial shock. She clears her throat, wraps her arms around her torso, pushes her chin forward slightly and narrows her eyes.

She's even more enchanting than usual when she's angry, it occurs to Jolly as he looks at her like that and his desire for her continues to grow.

“About what?!” she growls softly at him.

“About just about everything....” sighs Jolly softly, ”Please.... Just let me finish, then when you say go, I'll go. I promise!”

Alice eyes him coolly, but then nods.

So Jolly plucks up all his courage, puts everything into a balance and begins to apologize to her, revealing his true feelings, what a fucking idiot he has been. In the end, he begs her forgiveness, asks for a second chance.

“I love you, Alice. I always have and I always will. I was just so stupid that it took me so long to realize that..... and then I had to work up the courage to go to you!” he mumbles.

“I understand if you send me away because I hurt you so much..... tore you to pieces.... All I can say is how sorry I am!” he swallows.

Alice looks at him for a long time. You can see how hard she is working, how much she is struggling with herself. But then she straightens her shoulders.

“It's too late, Joakim!” she whispers harshly and Jolly flinches as if he's been hit, but he was actually expecting this answer, ”No one has ever hurt me like you before and I'll never let myself be hurt like you did again! So please go!”

The question about Liam is on the tip of Jolly's tongue, but he remains silent. He understands that he has no right to ask Alice about his son. He has no right to anything. He gambled it all away a long time ago.

“I see...” he just nods, ”If I could, I'd turn back time... but I can't... I'd like to shake myself, beat myself up, to come to my senses.... I'm so incredibly sorry, Alice. And I know you won't believe me when I tell you I love you......”

Jolly can't move, but then he tears himself away, turns and storms out of the house, leaps down the porch steps and hurries to his SUV.

With trembling fingers, he unlocks the lock, but before he can open the car door, he is overcome by a wave of nausea and has to lean against the car, retching and gasping for breath.

It all seems to be too much for his body, his legs buckle and Jolly has to kneel down, leaning his head against the car door.

He feels hot tears running down his cheeks, so he presses his face against the cool car door.

In a surge of despair, he bangs his head against it a few times, just to stop feeling this despair, letting suppressed sobs escape his throat.

FUCK... this must be exactly how Alice felt back then.....

“YOU FUCKING STUPID IDIOT!” it suddenly hisses next to him and Jolly blinks upwards in confusion, where Alice stands like an angry avenging angel, staring down at him, trembling and equally crying.

“WHY???” she continues to hiss and punches him on the shoulder.

Jolly tries to get to his feet and stands up, trembling.

“TELL ME WHY??” Alice continues to cry, pounding his broad chest with her fists. Jolly just lets it happen.

“WHY ONLY NOW??? WHY ARE YOU ONLY COMING NOW? WHY DID YOU GO TO .....” Alice gasps.

“I... can't tell you... because I was a stupid asshole... scared of what we had.... Felt constricted..... I'm sorry.... I'm so incredibly sorry!” he mumbles.

Alice continues to lash out at him, taking all her frustration out on him until she stands sobbing in front of him, “And why do I still love you......” she breathes so softly that Jolly thinks he has misheard her at first.

Alice looks him in the eye with a teary gaze, “Why?”

Jolly can't help but pull her into his arms and hold her close. Alice clings to him, sobbing.

“I'm so incredibly sorry, Älskade!” he swallows.

“I can't do this again.....” sobs Alice.

“I know, min Älskling, I know...” whispers Jolly tenderly, stroking her hair, ”If I hadn't realized that, I wouldn't have come...... I came to stay with you!”

Startled, Alice looks at him, scrutinizing him closely, but all she can see in his gaze is love and the promise he has just made to her.

“I don't know.... I....” she swallows.

“We don't have to rush into anything!” nods Jolly, ”I'll stay here for now... let's just start over. Get to know each other again.”

“But there's something else I need to tell you.....” swallows Alice.

“I've known that for a while... And the thing I'm most sorry about is that I wasn't there for you!” Jolly nods seriously.

“Where from?” asks Alice, stunned, and Jolly tells her that he met Maja and her friends in LA.

“And Selma's still alive?” Alice has to ask.

“Well, at least she was when I stormed off!” smiles Jolly and kisses Alice's forehead.

“Maja will kill her and me!” Alice then nods.

“Why you?” Jolly wants to know.

Alice buries her nose in Jolly's broad chest, breathes in his tart scent, which lulls her and gives her the security she has missed for so long, “Because I'm so stupid and say yes....” she whispers.

“You're saying yes? You really want to try again with me?” Jolly's heart seems to burst.

Alice nods, “Yes... because I still love you, I've missed you so damn much and this feels so good, so right......”

She lifts her head, “But if you.....”

“No!” Jolly interrupts her immediately, leaning in and kissing her tenderly, ”No, I won't!”

The gust of wind that catches them both and pushes them closer together is like a sealing of this promise.......

[birlwrites]

I'd love to read about YOU talking about the earth and fire symbolism in lachrimae… and in a few chapters when I start actually picking it up I'd be happy to join the conversation lmao

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE

okay SO. of the 4 elements listed in the excerpt from hydromanipulation at the end of ch 4, you would think water would be the most important symbolically, because of the regulus of it all - and it is very important! HOWEVER, it's also, shall i say... low-hanging fruit.

what i've spent much more time on is developing the earth and fire symbolism. fire is death - but in the form of the sun, it's also life, for the earth. phoenixes are associated with rebirth. they die in flames and rise from ashes. both of them can be smothered by water. the water has the power to force a clean slate but it can only do that in vast quantities. otherwise it is evaporated or absorbed - either way, it vanishes.

evan is a rosier and the roses love him and the sun loves him and he smells like orange blossoms and his hands keep regulus grounded

voldemort is fire and ice, an impossibility that should not exist, and when he is stone-carved it's like a statue, or a tunnel, the absence of the rock that used to be there and was chipped away bit by bit

earth erodes - but it re-forms into silt, or sediment, reshaping the terrain, returning in ways it didn't expect.

fire just dies.

[nullians]

It’s actually insane how fandom in general has become so scared of making weird and dark and ugly works. Like I look at myself and see how I have also subconsciously adapted this instinct to self censor and make things “marketable” and it’s making me want to crawl out of my skin. I need to get weirder and worse and more off-putting hello

[mishtershpock]

.

[fagdyk]

See you on the other side

[celestemona]

⋆˙⟡ — FOUR TIMES MUALANI SUSPECTED SOMETHING WAS GOING ON (AND ONE TIME SHE WAS RIGHT)

pairing: kinich x reader

cw: no pronouns mentioned. ajaw is in a vacation. slight but not slight pda. mualani overreacting but she is a sweet. best friends trio. pyro vision reader mentioned. not beta-read.

reblogs and comments are appreciated ♡

Mualani knew Kinich and you were friends—close best friends, just like you two were with her—but lately, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. 

It started with little things, almost too subtle to be noticeable but somehow it didn’t escape from her perception. Things like how Kinich, ever the quiet guy, had begun lingering a little too long when he talked to you, or how you’d run all your way to the Scions of the Canopy's village just to welcome him back after a mission. 

At first, she didn’t pay too much attention thinking you guys were just being more affectionative and caring to each other. However, as time passed by, it has been shown to be more than a mutual friendly appreciation and certainly beyond a mere coincidence. 

I.

The first time Mualani noticed something different was in an early morning by the coast, watching the waves curl and crash. She often started her day stretching at the shore and riding the first waves of dawn. But this time, as she rounded a cliff, she spotted Kinich and you sitting on a rock overlooking the sea. The two of you were close enough that your arms brushed every time the wind picked up.

Kinich’s usual stern expression was softer than usual. Mualani squinted at you suspiciously. Were you... holding hands?

She jogged closer, but just as she got near enough to say something, Kinich quickly stood up, putting a considerable distance between you and himself. “You're up early,” he said, his voice in its usual calm.

You smiled warmly. “Hey girl! How are the waves? We were just discussing about it.”

Mualani tilted her head, narrowing her eyes. “You were? Really?”

You let out a light and confusing laugh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Of course.”

She didn’t quite buy it, but you didn’t give her any reason to push further. “Well, the waves are good today! You guys joining?”

Kinich only gave her a polite headshaking, while you nodded smiling. Maybe she was imagining things.

II.

Except she wasn’t. 

A few days later, you were hanging out by Tequemecan Valley' canyons with Kinich standing quietly while you and Mualani chatted. However, every time she glanced toward him, Kinich seemed to be watching you a little too intently. It wasn’t the usual hunter’s focus; it was softer, caring, almost like... adoring.

The girl squinted, pretending to be interested in some flowers nearby while keeping an eye on you two. You didn’t seem to notice anything, or if did, you didn’t mind. You just kept talking, your laughter filling the air.

When Mualani caught Kinich staring again, she couldn’t help but ask, “Kinich, you okay? You’ve been zoning out all day.”

He blinked, his neutral mask slipping back into place. “I’m fine.”

“He’s just tired from all the training,” you teased, winking at him.

Mualani raised an eyebrow, astonished by the scene before her eyes. Something was definitely going on.

III.

The third time came on a day when Mualani was guiding a group of Sumeru’s travelers near the springs when she spotted you and Kinich again, standing by the water. As she approached, she saw Kinich leaning down to whisper something to you, his lips close to your ear. You giggled softly in response.

Wait a minute... Kinich never whispers to anyone. Much less in such an intimate way and even less to make someone laugh. Mualani's instincts flared up immediately. What was he saying? And why did you look so happy about it?

She cleared her throat loudly as she walked up. “Hey. What are you two whispering about?”

Kinich straightened up quickly, crossing his arms. “Nothing important.”

You smiled at her, but there was a glimmer in your eyes that made the girl even more suspicious. “Just a silly joke,” you said lightly.

A joke, huh? Mualani filed it away in her mind. This time she was very determined to figure out what was going on between you two.

IV.

It was late afternoon, and Mualani had just finished surfing when she saw you two by the waterside. Kinich and you stood close, so close as it has strangely been, and for a brief moment, she could have sworn Kinich was about to lean in and kiss you.

She froze, watching from a distance as you smiled up at him, your palm softly pushing his chest away. Were you two really about to kiss? It couldn’t be just her angle view. Could it be?

But just as quickly as it happened, Kinich stepped back, his usual stoic demeanor falling back into place. You turned and waved at her, your smile as bright as ever.

“Lani. Hey! How was the surf?” you called out.

Mualani, still in shock, shook her head. “Uh... good. Really good.”

She stared at you both for a moment longer, convinced she’d almost witnessed something, but there was no proof. Again.

V.

In the several days that followed, Mualani continued to witness that strangeness that kept repeating itself every time you thought she wasn’t around, creating a certain tension between her and you and Kinich—although she doubted that you had noticed any difference, treating her as you always did from the beginning.

Even if it relieved her to know that nothing had changed in your friendship, the surfer couldn't help but feel upset too. Was it that bad if she found out? Didn't you trust her the same way she trusted you? She wanted to be able to release all of her thoughts and ask you if maybe there was something in your bond that was bothering you. But she didn't. And so, things remained the same.

That was a quiet evening, and the moon hung low over the mountains. Mualani had been taking a stroll, enjoying the peaceful night, when she stumbled upon you.

This time, though, there was no mistaking it—Kinich and you stood together under some trees, locked in a slow, deep kiss.

The girl’s cheeks burned as red as the pyro vision you hold so dear closely, eyes widely opening and heart skipping a beat. She gasped, louder than she intended, and both of you quickly turned toward her. You blinked twice before smiling stiffly, even daring to look a bit embarrassed, while Kinich gave her a calm look, his hands still resting on your waist.

“You two!” She exclaimed shaking her head, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me earlier! I mean, I knew something was up, but really?”

You bit your lip while Kinich just blinked at her, slightly starting to look more guilty as well.

“We didn’t mean to keep it from you for long,” you said as you stepped out of Kinich’s arms and reached for her hand. “We were just... taking our time.”

Mualani arched an eyebrow. “Taking your time? You two were being so weird and annoying with all those suspicious interactions for weeks now! I’m supposed to be your best friend!”

Kinich rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable with the attention. “We wanted to keep it quiet,” he said, his voice low. “At first, anyway.”

Mualani softened, her fake scold melting away into genuine affection. “Still, I would’ve loved to know sooner,” she said, her tone gentler now. “You know me better than anyone else. You know I would never judge you,” she sighed as she watches the sorrow on your face. “Nevertheless, I’m really happy for you both. Really am.”

You beamed and even Kinich’s usual stoic expression seemed to relax slightly.

Mualani continued, her voice full of warmth. “I’ve always known you two had something special. And now that I know for sure, you better believe I’m fully on board with this!” She shot Kinich a playful look. “Just make sure you treat (Y/N) right, okay?”

Kinich nodded, his eyes softening as he glanced at you. “I will.”

You squeezed Mualani’s hand, your eyes sparkling with gratitude and pure happiness. “Thank you, Lani. Your support means a lot to us.”

Mualani grinned, pulling you both into a tight hug. “Just don’t keep secrets from me again, alright? I’m always here for you two.”

You all laughed but shared a quick but sweet bond moment, the atmosphere light and easy. And somehow, Mualani couldn’t help but feel like everything had fallen into place just the way it was meant to.

“But just for your information. If the day comes of you get engaged and don’t tell me immediately, I’ll crash the proposal myself, make a huge scene, and tell everyone how long I’ve had to put up with your not so secret glances and not so subtle hand-holding. Trust me, it won’t be pretty!”

[damnyousubdermalirritants]

UPDATE: NOVAVAX NOW AVAILABLE!!!

Hi everyone, it's been about a year since I posted about updated COVID vaccines and it's time for another update if you are in the US:

THE BRIDGE ACCESS PROGRAM IS ENDING!!!!

If you are uninsured or your insurance does not cover covid boosters, please schedule a new booster appointment before the end of August because the Bridge Access Program (the way the government will still pay for your booster) ends in September. The updated mRNA boosters from Moderna and Pfizer are available now. Go Go GO!!!

Shitty, I know! If you can call your congressional reps, the FDA, the CDC, whomever to tell them you want this program to continue/be reinstated, that would be great. Also, while you're at it, call the FDA to tell them to expedite the approval for the updated Novavax booster (3017962640).

The new Novavax vaccine is designed for the JN.1 strain which is one of the most recent mutations of the virus going around. If you have insurance and can afford to wait, I highly recommend getting the Novavax booster when it becomes available.

We are currently in the largest Covid summer surge since 2021

If you haven't had a booster in the past six months you are essentially unvaccinated. New strains with different spike proteins keep evolving faster than vaccine development and distribution can keep up. All that said, getting Covid is not a moral failing. If you do feel sick, take a rapid test! If it's negative, test again a day or two later. It is better to know than not to know. Here's a refresh on how to take a rapid test correctly:

If you do get Covid, it is worth getting on antiretrovirals within the first week of symptoms to reduce the overall viral load your body has to fight. If your insurance doesn't cover Paxlovid or Remdesivir, here are other low/no-cost ways to access it:

If you get sick, rest radically even after you stop testing positive on rapid tests. Avoid exercising for at least eight weeks after the fact to reduce the risk of developing long covid.

Regardless of your vaccination status, masking with a KN95 or N95 respirator (or equivalent standards in your country i.e. FFP2/3 in the EU) is the most reliable way to protect yourself and others. If Covid protections are a financial burden, there is likely an active Mask Bloc near you doing free distribution of respirators and tests that would be happy to help you. Here's a global map of them from covidactionmap.org

Some quick tips: if you're wearing a bi-fold mask, flatten the nose-bridge wire completely, then mold it to your nose on your face for a better fit. The best mask is the one that you will actually wear regularly to protect yourself. I really like the selection of styles, sizes and colors from WellBefore:

As school is starting, getting you and your family boosted is one of the best things you can do to protect yourselves. Masking is perhaps even more important. If you can advocate for updating and regularly changing the HVAC filters at your local schools to MERV-13 or higher to keep the indoor air cleaner, that can also make a big difference. Better indoor air quality in schools helps protect kids from illness, allergies, wildfire smoke, and more per the EPA's website.

These are steps you can take to improve air quality at home as well. Corsi-Rosenthal boxes are low-cost and highly effective for cleaning the air indoors.

Here's a map of clean air lending libraries for getting access to air purifiers for events from cleanairclub.org

[nochepsicodelica]

Thinking of how hard Toji gets to the scent of your body wash, shampoo, lotion etc. He has his own bottle of shampoo and body wash, yet there he is, lathering himself up head to toe with the sweet scents of your shower products. It's not unusual for him to squeeze the bottles to catch the gust of sweet air that comes out of them when he showers, just like it's not unusual for him to douse himself in your scent when he misses you.

You're working a late night shift, not home for another two hours, meaning Toji goes to bed alone. His phone isn't interesting enough when it doesn't buzz with messages from you or other important notices, so he sets it down on the nightstand and just stares up at the ceiling. His dick is hard and your scent is driving him absolutely insane, the way the sweet notes linger on his body. He can smell it prominently on his bare chest and his pillow radiates the scent of your shampoo due to his slightly damp hair. He can't even pretend like he's comfortable enough to sleep this way.

(NSFW Below)

He groans in frustration, so hesitant in following through with beating his dick. This is stupid. It's not you, you're not home in bed with him yet, yet it's like your saccharine presence is wrapping around him, just adding on to the temptation.

After going back and forth for what seems like forever, he bites. He needs you. You're infesting his mind, clouding any other thought that doesn't involve you. This scent that normally goes on your body... your soft, sweet, delicate body- God, he misses you.

He rolls onto your side of the bed, bringing his pillow along. Your bottle of perfume sits in the first drawer of your nightstand, where Toji blindly digs around until he has it in his hand. Such a small bottle of poison. Once you run out, he'll gladly buy it for you again.

He spritzes the fragrance once, accidentally doing so with the nozzle facing him. He can't even be annoyed as he wipes it off his lips and nose with the back of his hand. The scent is smeared on the lower half of his face now, and his cock is twitching uncontrollably in his boxer briefs. All he can smell is you. The scent is already so strong, yet he's turning the nozzle and spraying it into the air again and again until the entire bed smells like you. He doesn't notice that the small bottle is half empty now, even as he puts it back in your drawer.

He lays back on the bed, satisfied with the sweetness that engulfs his nose, so merciful and gentle on him, causing him to act the opposite way as he takes his leaking cock into his fist and makes himself cum way too fast. He feels pathetic, groaning loudly after cumming within less than a minute. There's no one there watching, yet his cheeks grow warm at the mess he made within such a short amount of time. It's not enough to prevent him from going at it again. He's still hard. He has another one in him.

His mind hasn't shut down and it keeps projecting memories of you. A mix of loving ones—like when you happily twirled for him in a flowy dress that you said you always wanted to wear but didn't feel pretty enough for, or that time your nose scrunched in disgust at a cafe after trying something new and not liking it.

Toji lets out a breathy, deep laugh at the memory, before the more lewd memories with you start flooding his mind. Like the time he had to suppress the sound of your moans with his hand, so that you wouldn't get caught screwing in one of the bathroom stalls of a restaurant, or the times when you get all clingy with him and start kissing him all over until you end up sucking him off, or the fucked out expression on your face when he eats you out until you're crying and your knuckles go pale from how hard you fist the sheets beneath you.

"Fuck," he groans, all raspy and low as he furiously glides his hand up and down his messy length. "Come on," he utters through a heavy breath. "Fuck me, mama..." he huffs. "Just-" his breath hitches, "just like that." His eyes are closed so that he can vividly picture you bouncing on his dick. He starts thrusting into his fist, his abs quivering as he chases the climax that he's been building up. His breaths become heavier and they're rapidly released into the air, before he's spewing spurts of cum all over his abdomen and hand again. His brows pinch, and his jaw hangs open to release shamelessly loud groans. He's arching his back off the mattress as he continues fisting his twitching cock to get it all out. He's gasping as he squeezes his swollen, sensitive tip, thumbing at the slit until he can't handle the stimulation anymore.

He takes a few minutes to calm down before he sluggishly makes his way to the bathroom to clean himself up. It doesn't take very long for his heavy eyelids to shut and for him to fall into slumber once he slides into bed again. He feels good and everything still smells like you.

When you finally get home, all the lights are off except the porch light. The first thing you do is search for Toji. It's late, he's most likely sleeping, so you stride over to your shared bedroom first.

You were correct. He's knocked out, not on his side of the bed, but in the middle. The whole room smells so much like your favorite perfume, to the point where your nose burns and feels stuffy. You're wondering if you forgot to put it away and Toji dropped it by accident and it spilled everywhere, or if the bottle spontaneously exploded. You don't want to make any more wild assumptions, so you walk over to your nightstand and look for it where you last remember putting it. It's still in there, but a little more than half of it is gone. There are no cracks or damage overall to the bottle or nozzle, so it's just a huge point of confusion to you. It was a brand new bottle, you had only been using it for a few days, so of course you're a little irked to find that the majority of it is gone.

The only thing holding up your sanity is the sight of your handsome man sleeping so soundly.

[princessbrunette]

once toxic ex rafe has gotten reader to give in to him and they’re fucking all he does is threaten to cum in her so she can’t leave him again - 🤍

୭ 🧁 ✧ ˚. 🎀

he pushes down on your lower stomach whilst he continues to hammer into you, leaving you breathless and totally defenceless.

“think m’fuckin’ pullin’ out this time? huh?” he’s panting, but clearly breathing deeply holds less importance to him than berating you whilst he’s balls deep.

“don’t say that!” you mewl, but you feel hot all over in shame at the fact you know that he felt you clench hard around him when he said it. it’s probably the reason he scoffs out a mean chuckle. this right here was the reason you left in the first place. he’s fucking insane.

“dont say that— kid, if i listened to everything you told me to do, right — i wouldn’t be here back where i belong in your god damn guts would i? quit making demands, just lay back and take that shit.” he leans over you, punctuating his point by placing one hand on your neck and the other firmly over your mouth, somehow using this new position as leverage to continue fucking into you.

your whole body jostles with each thrust, whiny, pained moans falling from you uncontrollably as he fucks you the way he’d been waiting to fuck you again for ages. “yeah. shit that— that’s better, some peace n‘quiet.” he murmurs, lips parted and eyes concentrated on your body, watching the way you take him. you squeeze around him again and he licks his lips. “uh-huh. acting like you didn’t miss this shit. just needed reminding, that right? hey maybe i should knock you up. what’d you say huh? that way… you won’t be able to leave again? that sound good to you, huh?”

he removes his hand from over your mouth for a moment, using that same palm to deliver a harsh little smack to your cheek to provoke an answer.

“you cant!” you wail, but you can’t stop your walls from fluttering. unfortunately, in the moment it did infact sound good to you.

“i cant? alright.” with an alarming lack of effort, rafe manhandles you to lay on your front, yanking your ass into the air to push back inside you like nothing changed. “i can’t.” he scoffs under his breath before leaning forward to your ear, wrapping a hand back around your throat you pull your face out from the sheets. “watch me.” he hisses before shoving your face back down, hand on the back of your head as he speeds up his thrusts.

your heart hammers, because this time you believe him.

୭ 🧁 ✧ ˚. 🎀

[ickadori]

++ 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘

[summary] wrio missed his wife, and she missed him just as much. two simps in love.

[cws] fluff. fem reader -> wriothesley’s wife. reader is a mondstadt native. kissing.

Wriothesley’s cup of tea pauses halfway to his mouth as there’s a knock at his office door. His fingers tighten unconsciously around the handle, that incessant throbbing at his temples that had been dying out suddenly tapping into its nth life.

He contemplates ignoring it; pretending he didn’t hear it and indulging in his fresh brew, but he’s never been one to shirk off his work, no matter how inconsequential the task.

He sets the cup down rougher than necessary, and the legs of his chair scrape loudly against the floor as he pushes it back from his desk and stands to his feet. Someone better be dead or on the verge.

It was an unspoken rule that Wriothesley wasn’t to be bothered at this time -a quarter after five until six- because it was official tea time, a very, very important time in his day that let the inhabitants in Meropide see his most agreeable side… although he had heard talk from a few gossipy guards and prisoners that his ‘pissy attitude’ this past month had nothing to do with his interrupted tea times, but rather that his wife had gone back to Mondstadt to visit family.

“You know how he gets when he doesn’t see her after a while—downright scary. I’ve never seen a man look so enraged and distraught at the same time.”

“He put me on pipe restoration duty —don’t laugh, it isn’t funny! Worst job in the whole place, I swear— for the next six months all because my wife dropped by with a bento on my break. Apparently no one can be happy when his missus is away.”

“I caught him staring at her picture the other day, y’know the one he keeps in that chain around his neck, and sighing like some schoolgirl. I nearly thought my daughter had somehow gotten herself arrested and thrown down here when I heard all those lovesick sighs.”

It was all hearsay and speculation, of course. Wriothesley could manage just fine with you away - he was a grown man, a weathered man, a man who could function fully without the company of his wife.

That’s right, he thinks to himself. He’s been doing just fine in your absence, a bit quicker to anger than usual, but with the looming threat of being turned into a big, sopping puddle right below his feet, could you really blame him?

The door is wrenched open, strands of black and gray flying back from where they rested against his forehead due to the strong gust of wind he created.

“What is it now?” He nearly hisses out, but he manages to get a reign on it last minute, the words coming out a bit strained instead. He eyes the guard standing in front of him, their eyes flitting between the crease between his brows and the floor. “Spit it out before I—”

He stops abruptly when he hears a voice that he knows intimately well, and had he possessed any shame when it came publicly displaying the love he harbored for you, he would have been a touch embarrassed at the speed of which his frown smoothed out and the throbbing in his head disappeared, a sparkle in his eyes as his shoulders lose a bit of their tension.

“Oh? He has? Thank you for telling me, Sigewinne. I’ll get right on that.” You come rounding the corner with the small doctor at your side, a knapsack in your hands, and had Wriothesley been any less sane, he would have swore that he could feel the rays of the sunshine beaming down on his skin and fresh air filtering into his lungs when you turned your gaze to him, scornful as it was.

You’re fitted in a dress that’s customary for the women in your homeland to wear, and flowers are weaved into your hair, and the ring on your finger seems to shine a bit brighter.

“Wriothesley.” You march up to him, eyebrows knitted together, and push your finger against his chest. “What is this I hear about you acting like a tyrant?”

“You look beautiful.” He breathes out.

“And going to the Pankration ring? You know those poor people don’t stand a chance against you. That’s just bullying.”

“Let me take your bag, it looks heavy.”

“And you haven’t been eating right, either! Look at your face — you’ve lost weight!” He transfers the bag from your hands to his, and when his fingers brush against yours, he finally lets a smile bloom on his face, being met with a huff. “Don’t smile at me. I’m mad at you.”

“Can’t help it, happy to see you.” You falter a bit, corners of your lips twitching, but you hold strong, choosing to save face in front of the onlookers—always put up a good fight, especially when others are looking, is what he had told you once upon a time. “I’ve missed you so much.” It comes out in a low murmur, eyes locked onto yours and refusing to stray, even when you decide that his gaze is a bit too heavy for the setting and avert your own.

“I-well-you…just get inside your office.”

He’s nice enough to hold back a chuckle, instead stepping to the side so that you can shuffle past him and inside. Before he shuts the door, his gaze turns icy and his smile thins out as he lets his eyes sweep over everyone present. A resounding groan is heard, the unspoken promise loud and clear, and then he’s pushing the door shut and turning on his heel.

You’re on him in a second, arms wrapped around his waist as you bury your face into his chest. He returns the hug just as quick, thick, burly arms circling around your shoulders as his head dips down so he can stuff his nose into your hair and breathe your scent in.

Your voice comes out muffled as you try to speak, and he loosens his hold on you a bit, allowing you to pop your head up so you can look up at him. There’s a halfhearted pout on your lips, and his response is a reflex as he leans down to give you a peck once, twice, three times before moving on to place one on the tip of your nose.

“You were supposed to let me scold you out there, birdie. Now everyone’s gonna know that I let you off easy.”

“Let me off easy? I’d say this is the meanest you’ve ever been to me,” he gives an exaggerated expression of hurt. “You haven’t even told me you missed me, or that you’re happy to see me, or that you’ll never leave again because you couldn’t stand being away from me.”

“You’re so dramatic.” You smile despite yourself, and he kisses you again, scarred hands moving to cradle your cheeks. You part with a gasp for air, and its his turn to smile when you stretch up to reconnect your lips, the lack of air not deterring you in the slightest.

“Breathe, sweetheart…” He rasps against your lips, and you suck in a breath, eyes slowly blinking as you tug at the material of his shirt. There’s a rush of emotions that washes over him at the unspoken confirmation that you missed him just as much as he had missed you, and he lets his hands wander down to settle on your waist, fingers flexing as they squeeze at the flesh there through the material of your dress.

“Well, well, well,” he starts, and you blink out of your stupor to don a guilty expression. “Looks like you haven’t been eating right, either, hypocrite.” He lightly pinches at your side, and you squeal out a laugh as you lightly bat at his hand.

“Have I told you that I missed you, and that I’m sooo happy to see you, and that I’ll never, ever leave again because I can’t stand being away from you?” You flutter your lashes up at him, direct that heart-stopping smile up at him, and for a split second he thinks that the primordial sea has broken the seal and reduced him to nothing but a puddle at your feet.

“Careful now, words like that are liable to kill a man, and this place isn’t fitting for a sweet girl like you.”

“Oh? Then maybe I should leave earlier than I intended t—” He quiets you with a kiss, and you laugh into it, earning a gentle nip on your bottom lip. Your teasing smile settles into something sweeter, tender, vulnerable, and it mirrors him perfectly.

You both speak your next words in unison.

“I missed you.”

[piper-2244]

goodnight moon

how spencer turns college!reader's bad sleeping habits into very good sleeping habits.

MDNI | smut! word count: 1931 warnings & tags & stuff: fem reader, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), slightest teensiest bit of overstim, fluff to the moon, spence and reader just being sweet, spence just being obsessed and concerned with every little thing about reader authors note: hiiii. soooo this is TERRIFYING. why is smut soooooo scary and vulgar. but i've been working on this one for a long while and i think i'm happyish with it??? idk. its not really adding anything new or revolutionary to the world but i think its cute!! lemme know your thoughts. i think smut is something i'll get better at writing with time but yk. okay whatever have a lovely day and i hope you enjoy!!

There’s a noticeable tension in your shoulders as you lay down on top of the covers of your bed. Your face crushes into the soft down of many pillows, nose buried into the crevices. You trace out the clean smell of Spencer's shampoo that manages to linger on your sheets even after a week of him being away on a case, the fragrance making your head become even heavier with each deep inhale you take.

You can physically feel the exhaustion clawing at your soul. Eyes shut, blocking out the harsh shine of the overhead light you definitely forgot to turn off, you reach your arm up to work on the knot in your shoulder. You roll it back, feeling an unsettling click that probably shouldn’t be there. 

Spencer would be able to work the knot out like it was nothing, if he were here.

You shift your leg up, thinking. When did he say he’d be home earlier today? You had called him before your final exam this afternoon, for some encouragement and reminders on the principles of astronomy.

The all-consuming fog in your brain prevents you from remembering any of the important details of the conversation, such as when he’d be home, so you choose instead to just replay the soft I love yous he had said into your ear. 

By this point you’re sprawled across a good portion of your bed, back to the ceiling with one leg bent, head turned to the side. Your spine sinks down into the mattress, relieving the aches just a bit, and the sweet, sweet release of sleep ensues minutes later.

Until it gets quite rudely interrupted.

You don’t hear him enter the room. You haven’t even opened your eyes to see him. The only thing you notice when you wake is the feeling that you’re being picked up from your hips and rotated, a complete 180.

“Hello?” you ask loudly even before your eyes open.

When they do open, they see your lovely boyfriend standing above you, grimacing like he’s been caught. Spencer’s hands are holding you mid air, and you look at him, wildly confused, as you blink away the sleep in your eyes.

He’s still wearing his work clothes, the thick sweater vest that you got him last year for his birthday layered over his button-up. He must have just gotten inside, his bag was still crossed over his body. 

“Hi honey. What are you, um, doing?” you ask quietly. His nose scrunches in a cute attempt to push his glasses up his nose without using his already occupied hands.

“Hi. Sorry for waking you up.” He ducks down to kiss your forehead. “You just really shouldn’t be sleeping on your stomach. Bad sleeping posture can actually worsen chronic pain more than any other factor in your daily life,” he explains, setting you down but keeping a firm grasp on your waist. Your mouth forms an awkward little smile, matching his. “I had to intervene.”

“I know. It’s just so uncomfy. But why’d you pick me up? You could’ve just nudged me, or, you know, asked…” you grumble. You make room for him, however, as you speak. He sets his bag down and clambers into bed next to you, body seemingly rivaling yours in exhaustion. He leans against the headboard, turning his head to look at you.

“I wouldn’t normally do that, but I knew you were exhausted, so I figured you’d be less likely to wake up if your body was physically touching fewer things,” he justifies, logic drawing a soft giggle from you. You settle into a comfortable silence, the room still bathed in artificial light and Spencer still in his work clothes.

He eventually breaks the stillness after a minute, turning towards you. “How did your astronomy final go today?”

“I think I did alright. Our study sessions paid off, I think. But it was never my strong suit,” you reply, tracing your fingers over his leg. “I’m so achy now though. It’s strange what four hours of math can do to your body.” 

His hand slides up your arm in response, lightly pressing on the tense spots. 

“It’s strange what four hours of math and sleeping like a contortionist does to your body,” he corrects with his little know-it-all look, fingers circling a bit more firmly into your shoulder.

“I also really, really missed you,” you add, smiling back at him. “So be nice to me.”

“I missed you,” Spencer responds, even sweeter. “And I am being nice.”

You roll your eyes and he reaches over to kiss you gently. “Would you like me to be nicer?” he whispers softly. Your brain is all but short circuiting as you look at him, his eyes flitting between yours like he was searching the stars.

Your head is nodding even before you can actually realize what he means.

Then, his body is gone from yours. You stay silent, trying to regulate your breath, eyes following him as he stands and walks over to turn off the big light. Your eyes flicker to adjust, but with the moon’s gentle shine pouring into your window, it’s absolutely perfect. 

A blush, that you're hoping the new darkness will conceal, creeps up your cheeks when you see the soft outline of Spencer’s back as he takes off his sweater vest and pulls at his tie. He turns back and looks at you, eyes all soft and full of adoration. “Yeah? Not too tired?”

“Nope,” you murmur, convincing yourself as much as him. He finishes getting into his PJ’s and walks back to you. You straighten your back, trying to appear as awake as possible. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” he says back at you, voice gentle. “You can barely keep your eyes open.” A kiss, this one to your cheek, softens the blow of his words. You shake your head, but he continues. “You were sound asleep not even ten minutes ago, and you’ve yawned six times in the last five minutes.” His hand strokes the side of your waist.

“Spencer. I'm fine,” you huff. He smiles a little and sits next to you on the bed. His mouth is on yours, kissing you firmly, sweetly. 

A hand, always in motion, always calculated, slides up to your nape and presses you closer. The other slides down and thumbs under the hem of your top, grazing lightly over your skin, making it erupt in goosebumps.

His brow scrunches softly. “You’re so worked up.”

You stay silent, begging him with your eyes. He dips down and kisses right where he touched, and your hips lift a bit in response. 

“Honey. Lie back,” he says, and you do so. He readjusts his body so he’s on top of you, one leg slotted between yours. He kisses your forehead, cheeks, nose, and then moves down to your neck. He kisses that one spot beneath your ear that makes you gasp quietly. He then does it again, and again, and again, in that focused way of his. 

Wordlessly, he slides down further. His nose bumps underneath your belly button, in the thin stripe of skin showing where your top meets your panties. “Okay?” he asks.

“Yes. Please. Please, Spence,” you whimper softly, head feeling like a cloud of gas from the endorphins. He peppers even more kisses there and ghosts his fingers over your hip bone. He slides your panties down an inch and immediately kisses the skin that’s revealed.

“I thought about doing this to you all the time while I was away,” he murmurs. He presses another kiss more firmly on your hips, even closer to your soaked core, sucking gently and leaving a mark. “These should be off by now,” he muses, gently pulling your underwear down. 

His hand is immediately where you want it, two fingers pushing up against your folds, and to your clit. He touches in little circles, sending jolts of pleasure up your stomach, eyes looking up to yours to gauge your feelings. 

You almost hate Spencer for how fucking good it feels. You let out a soft moan, heart pounding. And when his middle finger sinks into your entrance with no word of warning, you toss your head back and close your legs around his hand. Spencer’s mouth twists into that little smile of his, pushing ever so deep into you, and says, “It feels better when you keep your legs open, sweet girl. If you need more, tell me.” You nod immediately, desperately. 

“Yeah. I need more,” you whisper, and he bends down and gives your clit a kitten lick. Your hand goes to his hair, softly pushing him closer. He gets the message and presses his tongue flat against it, eliciting a moan from you.

“You’re so pretty like this, under me. I missed you.”

You really do almost forget just how nice it was to have him on top of you after a week, telling you nice things and making you feel so good. He pushes his ring finger in to match his middle, stretching you slightly and adding pressure to where he knows it feels good. Your eyes screw shut and you furrow your brow in overwhelming pleasure, a soft exhale coming from deep within you.

“This good?” he asks, other hand coming to take care of your clit in his mouth’s absence. You nod frantically, looking down at Spencer. He watches where his hand comes in contact with you, pushing in and out at a steady pace. “You’re not normally this quiet. Is it a lot?”

“Yeah,” you whimper. “Feel so sensitive.” He presses a soft kiss onto your clit, and you jolt.

“Sweet girl. It’s been a little while, huh? Even right before I left, I didn’t use my mouth." You shake your head in agreement. “You’re doing so well for me though.” 

He resumes with his tongue, working you into oblivion. His free hand holds your hips steady, hindering you from writhing away from the mind-numbing pleasure.

His mouth is occupied and your brain is utterly ruined, so the only noises coming from the two of you are your soft exhales and whimpers, and the obscene sound of his hand pushing incessantly into you.

And eventually it does, in fact, become too much. He sends you into orbit. You lift your hips, practically pushing yourself into his face, pleasure coursing through you.

“Spence, I’m. I-” your voice gets caught in your throat. 

“I know,” he says, calm and collected. A stark contrast to whatever the fuck you’re feeling right now. 

He keeps going in the same way, steadily driving you through your orgasm. You let out one last moan and your body relaxes and limps around him, chest moving up and down rapidly. 

You come back to earth and grab his arm to tug him away. But he stays, pressing kisses all over you, watching you with his imploring eyes.

“You can take it. Missed you so much. Just one more,” he says in broken little sentences, parting with your core for just a second before resuming, hand picking up speed again. But this time, you don’t feel as awake. As alert. Your chest feels heavy, and your eyelids even heavier.

The post-orgasmic haze has settled even more into your bones, pressing you down deeper and deeper into the dark chasm of sleep once again.

The last thing you see before you succumb is the moon casting a perfect glow onto Spencer, still diligently pressing soft kisses onto you, holding your hips still so you won’t roll over in your sleep like before.

[likeumeanit9497]

in the clouds | m.s. |

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summary: matt is taking y/n home to boston to meet his parents for the first time, and y/n would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. but once they've been in the air for a few hours and boredom begins to get to them both, they find a way to occupy themselves.

warnings: smut; established relationship; mutual masturbation; p in v; dirty talk; a little fluff if you squint; unprotected sex; 18+

notes: i wrote this suuuuper quick so def not my best work, but it's been a while since i posted something so i wanted to get something up here. i hope ya'll enjoy!!!

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

“Have a great flight.” The lady at the terminal gate said to me with a smile as she handed me my scanned ticket. “Thank you.” I replied before walking towards my boyfriend, Matt, who was waiting for me a few feet ahead. Once I reached him, he grabbed my hand and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “You ready?” He asked, to which I inhaled a deep breath and nodded apprehensively.

Matt and I met at a party about eight months ago, and had hit it off right away. I had been drawn in by his sunken blue eyes and withdrawn behaviour that night, but grew hooked by his kind nature and complex personality once we began speaking regularly. We made it official less than a month after meeting, and had been inseparable since. Our relationship developed into something quite serious rather quickly, but things still somehow felt new and exciting everyday.

Today, we were flying back to his hometown in Boston, where I was going to meet his parents for the first time. Although he had reassured me countless times that MaryLou and Jimmy were going to love me, I couldn’t help but feel a bit intimidated by meeting two of the most important people in Matt’s life. Not only that, but I had also never been in a relationship that grew serious enough to meet the parents of my significant other before now; so the unknown territory made the whole ordeal all the more daunting.

Matt’s triplet brothers Chris and Nick had left for Boston the day before, as I had to stay in Los Angeles an extra day for work. This added another unsettling element, as I had grown so used to the presence of the other two on a day-to-day basis. However, what that meant was Matt and I had a good excuse to buy first class tickets instead of the usual economy tickets. This brought me some relief, as I had never sat in first class before and knew that I would be able to relax much easier than I had on previous flights.

Arriving at the front of the plane, we were guided by the flight attendant to the fifth row of seats and I gasped. In front of me was a spacious row with just two large seats. The seats were joined together — separated only by an arm rest — but both had a ridiculous amount of leg room, and there was even a privacy curtain available to use at the end of the aisle.

“Oh my god Matt, this one row is almost as big as my entire bedroom at home!” I exclaimed excitedly before hurrying into my window seat. Matt chuckled before following me into the row and getting comfortable in his own seat beside mine. “I take it you like it?” He asked sarcastically, though I still nodded my head like an enthusiastic toddler. “Well, get settled in baby. We’ve got a five and a half hour flight ahead of us.” He leaned over the cushioned arm rest between our seats and planted a soft kiss on my lips. I sighed at the reminder before investigating the small gift bundle beside my seat. There were a few snacks, some travel-sized toiletries, and a pillow and blanket; I couldn’t help but squeal from excitement. “Holy shit Matt! Look at this stuff!” I quickly unfolded the blanket and wrapped myself in it as he did the same. “I know, it’s cool right. And it doesn’t stop there, watch this.” Matt smirked before reaching under his chair, when suddenly his seat reclined all the way back and transformed into a bed.

“WHAT?” I exclaimed before searching under my own seat for the recline handle. I giggled as my chair fell back and I was suddenly horizontal. “Oh my god, I am in heaven.” I sighed blissfully, stretching my arms above my head in bliss. “And look,” Matt continued, reaching for the arm rest and pushing it back so that it became flush with our beds, “Now we just have one big bed to share.” He giggled before scooting closer to my side while simultaneously grabbing my waist and pulling me into him. I laughed and rolled over so that I could face him; propping myself up on my elbow and gazing down at him. “Thank you Matty.” I said before planting a gentle kiss on his eyelid. “You don’t have to thank me, Y/n,” He chuckled, “I just can’t wait for my parents to meet you.” My heart fluttered from his words, and I repositioned my body so that I could curl into his.

“I can’t wait to meet them, either. I mean, I’m nervous as fuck but I really do want to get to know the two people who created you three weirdos.” I closed my eyes, feeling my body relax as the plane began moving down the tarmac. Matt mindlessly rubbed my back as we laughed, just waiting for the unmistakable sensation of the plane taking off.

Once we were finally in the air, I rolled over to fetch my air pods from my backpack. “Let’s listen to some music, I can’t stand all this white noise in here.” I said, handing the left pod to Matt and keeping the right for myself. Once they were secured in both of our ears, I scrolled through my Spotify account to find mine and Matt’s shared playlist before hitting shuffle. I fell onto my back and closed my eyes as the music played in both of our ears; growing more and more comfortable as my eyes grew heavy and the sensation of sleep began to overtake me.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

I was awoken from my deep sleep by the sound of a baby wailing a few aisles behind me. Forgetting where I was for a moment, I woke with a startle before remembering that I was on a plane. Slightly disoriented, I checked the time on my phone to discover that we had been in the air for four hours. I was shocked that I was able to sleep that long on a flight, since usually in the economy seats I would struggle to even get 45 minutes of true rest. I looked to my right at Matt’s sleeping figure. He was lying on his stomach with his peaceful face turned in my direction — very clearly having as deep of a sleep as I was previously having. His dark eyelashes fluttered slightly every now and then, and due to the way his face pressed against the small pillow, his pink lips were squished into an exaggerated pout.

Admiring his undeniable beauty, I had to resist the urge to lean over and pepper him with kisses. Instead, I went on my phone and began scrolling through our music playlist. After queuing a few songs, I moved onto my camera roll to kill some time as I felt boredom begin to overtake me. I felt like the biggest loser ever as I scrolled through the countless photos I had taken of Matt and I over the past few months with a corny smile plastered to my face. We truly had spent nearly every single day together since that first night that we met, and I had been sure to capture as many memories on camera as I could.

I continued to scroll for a few moments before coming across a particular memory that caused me to audibly gasp. It was a video that Matt and I had made about a month before. Our first and only sex tape. Before playing the video, I snuck a glance at Matt to make sure he was still sleeping and turned the volume down to zero so that it wouldn’t play through the air pod that was still resting in his ear. Cautiously, I hit play on the video and watched from Matt’s angle as he pounded into me from behind. To be completely honest, I had totally forgotten that we had taken that video and hadn’t even watched it before, so I stared in awe as our bodies collided again and again. The only issue was that I so badly wanted to hear the audio as my curiosity notoriously got the better of me in situations such as this. I was curious to know what I really sounded like during sex, and knew that listening to the audio was one of the only ways that I could.

Suddenly, I had an idea that would not only allow me to listen but would also have the potential to wake Matt up. Looking at him once again with a smirk across my face, I started the video from the beginning; this time with the volume about halfway up. Instantly, my right ear was filled with the unmistakably erotic sounds of our sex; body parts smacking against one another, loud moans, and the occasional dirty phrase falling from one of our mouths.

With the brightness on my phone turned down low, I watched intently at our moving bodies on my screen. I could only pull my eyes away to take a quick glance at Matt, who was beginning to shift around slightly under the blanket. I watched him for a moment, noticing that his eyes were still closed and he appeared to still be sound asleep. Growing frustrated that he still wasn’t waking up, I turned the sound on my phone to maximum volume just as the recorded version of him and I were reaching our climaxes. The crude noises became more and more erratic as the volume increased, and suddenly Matt’s blue eyes shot open.

He scanned the area frantically, obviously disoriented and confused by the sounds swarming his ears. When his eyes finally met mine and he noticed the playful smile on my face, he visibly relaxed and rolled his eyes sarcastically. “Y/n, what the fuck are you watching?” He asked through a chuckle before leaning towards me to take a glance at my phone screen. “Oh my god, you’re ridiculous.” He added once he caught a glimpse of the two of us in the video; falling onto his back and covering his eyes with his crossed arms.

I collapsed into a fit of laughter before innocently replying, “What?”, fluttering my eyelashes and softening my voice. He simply shook his head, but I could see his lips curling into a smile behind his protective arms. “Don’t get me started, baby. Get some rest.” Was his reply, and I grumbled internally. I was far from tired, not only because I had already slept for four hours, but because I had just worked myself up for the past few minutes by watching that video. Still, I reluctantly obliged by hitting shuffle on our playlist once again before finding a comfortable position to attempt to get a bit more sleep.

My eyes were closed, my breathing was steady, but my body was wide awake; so I felt the shift that came from Matt sitting up in the bed. I was laying on my side with my back facing him, but through the soft music playing in my ear I could hear the privacy curtain slide across its rod. My eyes stayed shut as I felt the warmth of his body pressing up against me. I pretended to not feel his hand gently gliding across the curves of my hips, or his hardening member nudging against my thigh. However, once his lips pressed against the sensitive spot on my neck, my body began to fail me in its pretend ignorance. He delicately sucked on my thin skin, and my pulse began to quicken. His cool breath tickled my neck and I shivered in anticipation. His hand slowly traveled from my hip down my stomach, before finally reaching under my waistband towards my core, and I released a shaky breath.

I felt his lips upturn into a smile against my neck at my clear response. “Oh, so you are awake.” He teased, moving his hand away from my heat and resting his chin in the crook of my neck. I opened my eyes to a squint and looked at him. “What are you doing?” I asked with a slight whine in my voice. He scoffed dramatically. “What, you think you could play a video like that and expect me not to get worked up?” I smiled shyly before responding. “I just wanted to wake you. I was bored.” He scooted himself even closer to me, so that now our bodies were pressed tight against each other. “Oh yeah?” He placed a kiss to my neck again, this time tugging lightly at the skin with his teeth. “And what did you want to do to try to counteract this boredom?” He whispered, and my breath hitched as he brought a hand under my shirt and began fondling my sensitive nipples.

I closed my eyes before turning my body so that I was now facing him. “Matt, we are on a plane right now.” I said, my voice dropping to a whisper by the end of my sentence. He smirked before shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. “That’s what the curtain is for, sweetheart.” My eyes shifted to the space behind him, where the curtain was shut and properly secured by a hook near his head. My focus was brought back to him as I felt his hands gently begin tugging down my sweatpants. “You just have to be quiet for me, okay?” I gulped nervously before nodding my head mindlessly, already growing distracted by the arousal beginning to form in my panties.

Matt pulled me closer to him before placing a soft kiss against my lips. His hand gently ran up and down my inner thigh, just barely grazing my heat with each stroke. He placed another kiss against my lips, this one longer and deeper than the first, and he put his right leg between my knees to prop them up and apart. Our mouths moved against each other in sync, and my hands began to travel through his hair, over his shoulders, and finally down to his stomach. I hissed when he finally cupped his hand over my heat, his thumb just barely resting on my clit. Even through the thin layer of fabric that was my panties, the contact was intense. “Mmm, baby, you’re already so wet for me.” He mumbled gruffly against my lips, causing me to squirm.

“Touch me Matty, please.” I begged softly, my eyes pleading as my core began to throb. He chuckled, our teeth clanking together gently, before attacking my neck with his mouth. “So needy, huh? You want these fingers?” He cooed, sliding two of his fingers — now hooked under my panties — up my slit to collect my juices. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip as I nodded frantically. “Mhm.” Was all I managed to get out in response to his question. “What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.” He was taunting me, both with his words and with his fingers as he toyed with my outer folds. I squirmed again, shifting slightly so that I was more on my back so that I could widen my legs easier. “N-need your fingers baby.” I managed to groan out, doing my best to keep my voice low so that our actions could go unnoticed by everyone around us.

Now leaning over me slightly, he looked down at me with hooded eyelids and a matching smirk. “That’s my girl.” He replied before finally rubbing circles on my swollen clit. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I became engulfed in the overwhelmingly pleasurable sensation. I opened my eyes to find his traveling across my face. He had clearly been watching me in my state of ecstasy, and his blown out pupils and parted wet lips were clear signs that he was liking what he was seeing. Suddenly, a sharp moan escaped my lips as he plunged two of his fingers into me, and he quickly planted a firm hand over my mouth to prevent any more noises as he curled his fingers in and out of me mercilessly. The sensation became almost too much once he connected the base of his palm to my clit and began rubbing it in rhythm with his other movements, and almost without thinking I began clawing at the waist band of his sweatpants; desperate to feel more of him.

I pulled his sweats and his boxers down in one swift movement, and immediately began toying with his rock hard cock. Looking up at him as he continued his movements, I brought my hand to my mouth and allowed my collected saliva to drip onto it before bringing it back to his member. I began milking the tip of his cock and immediately noticed a change of pace in his fingers on my cunt. I watched his face as his eyes fluttered shut momentarily and his ears began to grow red. “Fuck, Y/n.” He moaned softly, his words alone enough to drive me crazy. I continued to stroke him, feeling each and every vein along his sizeable shaft, as I felt the familiar tingling sensation of an orgasm fast approaching.

“I-I need more of you Matty. Give me your cock please.” I was really begging now. My legs were beginning to shake and I was close to losing all control, but I wanted to cum around him. I watched as Matt’s eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head as his dick twitched in my hand, a clear sign that my words had an impact on him, too. “Turn on your side.” He commanded, and I immediately obliged. Once I was facing away from him, he wasted no time in lying down beside me — one of his arms wrapped across my chest and massaging my right tit — and sliding his cock into my soaking wet pussy.

We both couldn’t help but release small moans at the satisfying feeling that came from him bottoming out, but he gave me little time to adjust to his size before thrusting into me almost desperately. Using his grasp on my tit, he pushed my back against his chest so that my body was flush with his. “Jesus baby, you’re so tight.” He praised softly, his mouth pressed against my ear as his hips continued to snap against my ass. I couldn’t manage a reply, instead I brought my right hand up to grab onto the back of his neck. I fell into a deep trance from the feeling of my spongey walls stretching and moulding to his cock as if they were two matching puzzle pieces. He left sloppy open mouthed kisses all along my face, growing careless with his movements as the pressure in my lower half began to grow almost unbearable.

“You’re close, aren’t you sweetheart.” He breathed against my hair. I couldn’t do much more than nod my head. “It’s okay, let go. Just be a good girl and stay quiet for me okay?” He used his free hand to once again cover my mouth in anticipation of what might come just as my orgasm bubbled over. I did everything I could to stay silent, but as my orgasm tore through me a plethora of moans fell from my lips and into his gentle hand. My grip on the back of his neck tightened and my back arched away from his torso as I felt the unmistakable warm spurt of fluid stream from my cunt.

Just as I began coming down from my high, Matt released a few short grunts before halting his movements entirely. “Fuuuuck.” His profanity came out in a breathy sigh. His forehead fell to my shoulder, and I could feel his dick pulsating inside of me as he painted my walls with his cum. After a moment, I felt his body relax behind me and he collapsed onto his pillow. For a little while, the only sounds coming from our little corner of the plane was the sound of our ragged breathing as we attempted to regain our composure.

“Well,” Matt eventually began, sitting up and lifting the blanket, exposing the wet spot in the bed that my squirt created, “How are we gonna explain this one?” I took a moment to look at it before sliding my sweats back on. “Easy, we just tell them that you got a little scared of the turbulence and pissed yourself.” He rolled his eyes as he put his pants back on as well, and I laughed. “You’re something else kid.”

Just then, a woman’s voice came from behind the closed curtain. Matt looked at me quickly to ensure that I was fully clothed before opening the curtain and coming face to face with an older flight attendant. “Hi there.” She said, her voice cheerful and her face plastered with a fake smile. “We’re going to be making our landing in Boston in about thirty minutes, please return to an upright position as soon as you can.” Matt nodded his head and gave her a quick smile before she promptly moved down to the next row of flyers. As soon as she was out of earshot, he gave me a cheeky side eye and we both immediately broke into fits of laughter.

“We timed that well.” He said through his laughter and I covered my face with my hands. “I can’t believe we just did that.” I replied, shaking my head as I came to the realization that I had just fucked my boyfriend on a commercial flight. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. “We’re in the mile high club now, baby.” He kissed the top of my head. “Now let’s get our seats back up. Only thirty minutes until you meet my parents!”

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

Okay time for the PBS Kids essay

Read it under the cut!

:readmore:

In 1968, before there was PBS Kids proper, there was Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. While it came several decades before the children’s block, it laid the foundation for the themes and values present in every facet of the network’s history.

Mr. Roger famously hated children’s programming at the time. To him, it all was droll and useless. But he didn’t dissuade the medium entirely— he saw potential. Potential that led to a few smaller television jobs, and eventually the creation of Mr. Roger’s neighborhood.

Rogers didn’t invent educational TV for children, but he did perfect it. He poured real heart and soul into probably the most sincere, heartfelt program in history.

Honestly, he could have his own essay. The more things you learn about the real man of Mr. Rogers, the more you’ll like him.

Anyway, the biggest thing that makes PBS different is the fact that it earns money through grants, fundraisers, and private donors— not through sponsorships and merchandise sales. This way, PBS Kids can push programming that it feels is important, rather than programming that merely sells well.

This also means PBS is less afraid of pushing social boundaries. Money doesn’t go away when their shows become subjects of debate— and Mr. Rogers took full advantage of this.

For context, this was 1969. The Jim Crow era had just barely, barely ended. Pool segregation was still very much legal.

Mr. Rogers sharing a pool and a towel with the Black Mr. Clemmons was a pretty big deal at the time— especially on a show made for children.

Rogers was far from the untouchable sacred cow of today. When he was alive, he had a large number of detractors. Let’s just say that scene didn’t fly nicely by everyone.

Just one year after the debut of Mr. Roger’s came Sesame Street.

While Mr. Roger’s was made for all children, Sesame Street had the explicit goal of supplementing the education of underserved communities— especially inner-city Black (and later Latino) children.

While it was made to be accessible to children of all races and income levels, they definitely went the extra mile to make it something special for inner-city Black and Brown kids. (Why do you think it it’s “Sesame Street” and not “Sesame Cul-de-Sac”?)

At the time, a wholesome, sweet show set in a brownstone street was practically unheard of.

Jon Stone, the casting director, deliberately sought to make the cast as rich with color as he possibly could, bringing on a huge amount of Black talent such as Loretta Long, Matt Robinson, and Kevin Clash, as well as featuring Black celebrities as guest stars. Later, the show would expand its horizons, bringing on actors from Latino, Asian, Native American, and many more backgrounds.

White actors were and still are a minority on show.

In addition to letters and numbers, the purpose of Sesame Street is clear: make kids of color know that they’re smart, beautiful, and loved.

It doesn’t get more explicit than this.

I want to point out this comment because it’s funny

You’re telling me this bitch isn’t Hispanic???

Anyway, these two were followed up by Reading Rainbow in 1983. And guess what?

That’s right. Non-white focus.

These three shows, (along with other, lesser-known programs like Lamb-Chops Play Along, Newton’s Apple, and Shining Times Station (who featured Ringo Starr himself?? seriously how did that happen and why does no one talk about it) and some other nostalgic favorites like Bill Nye the Science guy, The Magic Schoolbus, Arthur, and Thomas the Tank Engine) aired on the new PTV block, which evolved into PBS Kids in 1999, bringing along Between the Lions, Dragon Tales, and many more.

Arthur is another stand-out that I’d like to talk about— it doesn’t have the same racial focus of Sesame Street, but it does focus on different income levels. The characters have various housing situations, from apartments to mansions to no home at all.

It also takes cues from Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s in regards to talking about tough topics, though as Arthur has a slightly older target audience, it discusses things through stories rather than talking directly to the audience.

Cancer, religion, workplace discrimination, along with current (at the time) events such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina are all discussed on the show.

Another big focus on Arthur is disability. For once, they don’t stick a character in a wheelchair and then pretend he’s not in a wheelchair. A striking number of major characters either develop or get diagnosed with physical disabilities and/or neurodivergences, such as asthma, severe food allergies, and dyslexia, and they deal with them in very realistic ways.

A handful of minor characters have more obvious disabilities, and THANK GOD they go beyond the trite messaging of “disabled people can do everything abled people can do! everyone clap now!”

One episode in particular has the awesome message of “holy shit stop trying to help me all the time— it’s patronizing as fuck. I can get around just fine without you stepping on eggshells and trying to be the hero all the fucking time”

There are sooo many other shows I could talk about, but I can’t write about them all. I’m definitely gonna point out some more standout ones, though.

Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat

Created by Chinese-American woman Amy Tang

Dragonfly TV

Features a multitude of female and non-white scientists to foster an interest in science with kids in those groups

Maya & Miguel

One of the network’s first Hispanic-led shows

SciGirls

I shouldn’t have to explain what the goal of this one was.

Molly of Denali

When was the last time you saw a show that treated Native Americans as people? Much less a children’s show? 90% of the cast is Athabascan, and the show revolves around Athabascan culture, not shying away from topics like boarding schools and modern-day racism. Most of the writers are also Athabascan, and the show even has an official Gwich’in dub!

It’s this commitment to real, authentic social justice that makes PBS Kids so much different from its competitors. Could you imagine the Paw Patrol dog looking at the camera and earnestly discussing what happened to George Floyd? I don’t think so— but Arthur talked specifically about it, Sesame Street did an hour long special about race in general, and the network itself made a 30 minute special.

Disney Jr. could never. (Other than trying to teach colorblindness, of course.)

I’m gonna have to cut this into two parts, since I just hit the image limit

[ameliathornromance]

It was strange for your Orc Boyfriend not to pick up his phone.

He was normally available at all hours of the day. Usually, you’d never call him unless absolutely necessary - the last thing you wanted was to be one of those overbearing girlfriends.

At the start of your relationship, everything was amazing. 

Every time you met up at the end of the week for a date, he always brought a freshly cut bouquet of flowers paired with a broad smile across his usually intimidating face.

After the six month mark of being together, he suggested that you move in with him and you gladly accepted the invitation.

It was nice to come home to a partner, who greeted you with open arms, a kiss on the cheek and an, “hi honey, how was your day?”

But the past few weeks had become… strange.

It was the change in the air when you woke up, the way that whenever you tried to display any kind of physical affection, your Orc would shrug you off, grunt in annoyance.

It was fine the first few times - sometimes people just aren’t in the mood for that kind of thing. But the tense air never left your flat, and your boyfriend’s company became less and less frequent in the evenings.

Maybe he just needed some time alone, you’d reasoned. Even you needed alone time, and since you both now shared a living space, that became more important than ever. 

You knew you shouldn’t place a timer on these things, however the need for his ‘time alone’ became longer and longer. So, you asked him when he got back from work if you’d done something wrong.

You had already searched your mind for things that you might have done to annoy him, but nothing came to mind.

He just gave the same, nonchalant grunt, “no. Why would you think you’d done something wrong?”

Well, if it wasn’t you, then maybe it was work? He had been staying out in the evenings more often. 

That was your follow up question, to which he also replied, “no. What makes you think that?” After which, he gave you a glower and stalked to your shared room.

Not wanting to start anything, you’d just left it at that. 

As Boys Night went on, you began to bite at your fingernails, staring at your phone on your coffee table.

The screen was black, blank. What were you watching it for? A call? A message? A DM from him?

Usually, your Orc would text you when he was on his way back home or would let you know that he and his friends were going to be staying out later than initially planned.

As the evening got later and later, you knew something was wrong. Picking up your phone, you dialled your boyfriend’s number.

Nails still in your mouth as the dial tone went on, once, twice, three, four- 

“I’m sorry,” the robotic voice said from the other end of the line, “but the person you’re trying to reach-“ you hung up the phone and tried again.

This time it went straight to voicemail.

You flinched, frowning at your phone. Did he intentionally hang up on you?

Not being able to stand the lack of communication any longer, you tracked his phone to a club called ‘Eden’, picked up your coat and keys, and left your flat.

There had to be an explanation for this, there had to be. You’d get to the club, and find your Orc absolutely hammered. 

Your heart ached at the image of his face lighting up at seeing you… the way it used to when you were first seeing each other. 

You wished he’d look at you like that again.

Sucking in deep breaths, you drove to the club and found the line outside it to be relatively small.

After waiting in line for what seemed like an eternity, you were let in and greeted by the thudding music, sweaty clubbers dancing and swaying to the beat.

Navigating through them, you looked down at your phone, which guided you to the bar, where you stopped dead in your tracks.

A smile you hadn’t seen for weeks, was plastered on your Orc Boyfriends face as his arm was slung around a human woman, glitter decorating her cheeks, dark hair and revealing outfit on, hand on your boyfriends chest, her eyes half-lidded and looking at him as if he was the most attractive Orc in the room.

They chatted animatedly, your Orc getting closer, and closer to her face, as if he was going to kiss her.

It took a moment for the both of them to notice you, but when your Orc did, his face fell.

You were too stunned to say anything, and so you turned and walked straight back to the exit.

The night's cold air stung your cheeks as you freed yourself from the humidity of the club atmosphere, eyes stinging with hot tears.

You bit your lip, trying to fight them back as you heard your boyfriend's voice behind you. “Love, what are you-”

“Don’t you ‘love’ me!” You spat at him. Wheeling around on your heel, you glowered at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?! I was worried sick about you, and here you are, chatting up some woman at a club!”

Your Orc flinched at your harsh words, as if the accusation was completely and utterly false. 

He recovered quickly however, his usual glower returning. “You aren’t even supposed to be here,” he growled, jabbing a finger at you. “It’s Boys night, the one night of the week I get to have time to myself!” 

“Really?!” You shrieked. “Because it seems as though every night of the week you ‘have to yourself’!” 

“Yeah and maybe I need that time to myself, because I have such a clingy girlfriend at my side all the fucking time!” He snapped back at you. 

You recoiled at the harsh words. Staring at him, you searched his face for any kind of regret for what he just said. 

But his tirade continued, “‘have I done anything wrong?’” He imitated you, “‘you’re not mad at me are you?’ ‘If there’s something wrong you’d tell me, wouldn’t you?’ I’m fucking sick of it!” 

The tears rolled down your cheeks as the Orc opposite you rubbed his face with his palms, frustratedly, letting out an irritated sigh.

“I’m sorry,” your voice cracked, “that I wanted to make sure my boyfriend was okay. I was only asking, because you’d been pulling away from me,” wiping the tears from your face, you raised your own voice, “I’m still trying to make this work, because I love you!” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe I don’t?” The Orc snapped back.

“Then why did you ask me to move in with you?!” 

“Because I didn’t think you were going to be this annoying!”

It was like your already fragile, glass heart had been shattered.

What happened to that friendly, loving Orc you’d first met? The one who played with your hair when you first woke up in the morning? The one who would bring home gifts and say, “I saw this and thought of you.”

A wave of clarity hit you, like calm waters after a chaotic storm at sea: this Orc never loved you - at least, not in the way you did.

It surprised you how steady your voice was when you spoke, “fine.” You shrugged. “I’ll go and get my stuff.” Turning on your heel, you walked back to your car, parked just across the street from the club.

For a moment, the Orc didn’t say anything, but still followed after you. “(Y/N), come on I didn’t-” His voice came out soft, weak.

“No,” you opened the car door, looking back at your now ex-boyfriend, “no, it’s fine, I’ll gather my stuff up and I’ll never annoy you again.” 

And with that, you got into the car and drove off, away from Eden.

Away from your Orc.

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The Elevator Encounters

Oliver sighed as he stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the top floor to his small appartment. It was late, and he was exhausted after the long work day he just had. As the elevator slowly made it's way up, he leaned against the wall and looked at his important work e-mails.

The elevator dinged at the first floor, he looked up.

The doors slid open, and in walked two figures, ones that Oliver specifically didn't want to share the elevator ride with - Young jocks. They were obviously going back from the gym, based on their clothes and the sweat gleaming off their muscular bodies, making the air filled with an overpowering scent of sweat, musk, and overall unpleasant raw masculinity. They grinned at him, but there was something off about their smiles, apart from the fact that they had yellowish teeth.

“Hey man, looking a little scrawny there,” one of them said with a chuckle, stepping closer.

Before Oliver could think about responding, the jock who made the highschool bully-like comment placed his hand on his shoulder, sending a shock through his body. His mind paused as his muscles tensed. He tried to speak, but his thoughts were suddenly slow, his words stumbling as the jock's voice seemed to echo in his head, while the funk coming from them was hypnotizing him more and more.

“You need to bulk up, bro,” the other one added, his deep voice reverberating through the small space.

As the jocks stared into his eyes, he felt his body waking up as his muscles weirdly tightened. His arms felt bigger, but not excessively huge as they swelled beneath his shirt and his biceps thickened. Oliver tried to fight it, to escape, but all he could do was watch as his veins pushed to the surface. His shoulders broadened, and his chest started to push outward, straining against the fabric of his shirt. His muscles grew in a lean/jock way, but not in a bodybuilder way.

“Yeah, that’s it… bigger, hotter,” the first jock whispered in his ear, his eyes locked onto the reflection in the mirror, watching his body slowly grow and change.

He couldn’t think— his mind was so slow and foggy, and all he could hear was the jocks’ voices, urging him to grow, to get bigger, to become more like them. His thoughts felt slower, dumber, but he didn’t care, he was becoming too stupid to care.

The elevator dinged again.

The doors opened to reveal another jock, less muscular than the last two but more defined and "twunk" like, He squeezed into the elevator with a smirk, his eyes immediately locking onto Oliver.

“Looks like you could use some help. You wanna be a fuckboy, right?” the new jock asked, his voice a low growl.

He nodded, unable to resist. He never signed up for this, or wanted it at all, but his body was already halfway through the transformation, and there was more to come.

“Good… real good. Let’s make you the fuckboy you were meant to be,” the jock said as his hand slid down to his neck.

The moment he touched his throat, his voice deepened, becoming more teenager ish but more commanding. He felt a surge of power wash over him, his thoughts slowing even further, reduced to slow, dumb and primal instincts. The scent of the jocks—raw, sweaty, alpha— kept filling his nose, clouding his mind even more.

The elevator stopped again.

Another jock, covered in a sheen of sweat, stepped in - his body radiating heat and power. He leaned against the elevator wall, smirking as he looked him up and down.

“Smell that, bro? That’s what a real man smells like,” he said, flexing his defined but lean biceps. “Let’s see if you can smell good like us.”

Oliver felt a weird sensation as his skin, already slick with sweat from his previous interactions, began to emit a stronger, smellier funk. But unlike the overwhelming, vomit-worthy stench he feared, it was more subtle—masculine and intense, and thankfully not unbearable. It lingered in the air, radiating from his body, especially from his pits, feet, and his butt. He noticed a hint of funk rising from his feet, which now felt way larger and heavier in his shoes. His armpits felt sticky with sweat, the hair becoming bushier, and his body gave off a natural stink that fit the dumb fuckboy he was turning into.

He could feel the sweat from his entire body drooling in his pits and lower back, as the ripe odor made itself known more and more. Occasionally, a deep rumble in his gut hinted at something else—an urge to release a primal, manly dominating stink from within. He felt the pressure but didn’t care, he released it, and felt the ripe air escaping his butt as his fart filled the elevator, making the other jocks proud of who Oliver became.

The jocks had finished their jobs and left the elevator, only 2 floors were left.

The elevator dinged once again

The doors opened to reveal a new group entering. This time, it wasn’t jocks. Three twinks stepped inside, their eyes fixing onto Oliver. They were all cute, 18 to 20 year olds and their slim physiques were as perfect as you'd imagine. As they entered, the air shifted. Their presence and vibe was different—calmer, cooler, but with a predatory edge of their own.

One of the twinks leaned in close, his perfect fingers brushing against Oliver’s chest. "You’re hot," he purred, "but we’re going to make sure you’re hot everywhere, babe."

Before Oliver could respond, one of the twinks bowed down in front of him, his fingers trailing along his thighs as he felt a sudden jolt in his lower half. His pants tightened, but this time not from muscle—his package was swelling, pressing hard against the fabric. He groaned, the sensation almost overwhelming, as his manhood shifted, growing thicker but not longer, it was becoming shorter. His dick ending at a short 3.9 inches, but very thick and veiny. The twink stood up, satisfied, brushing his fingers along Oliver’s bulge slowly while smirking.

"Now you’re packing like a real stud," he whispered with a smirk.

Another twink, standing behind him, traced his hand along Oliver’s broad back before settling on his rear. With a teasing squeeze, he murmured, “Let’s give you something that really stands out.”

Oliver gasped as his backside started to change. His ass filled out, growing firm and round, pushing against the tight fabric of his pants. His hips widened slightly, giving him a more defined, powerful stance. He could feel the weight of his new, perfectly sculpted butt, the kind that drew attention wherever he went.

The third twink, stepped in front of him. "But that face..." he said, lifting a hand to Oliver’s chiseled jawline, "it needs to be flawless. Let’s make you like, a real pretty boy."

As the twink’s fingers brushed against his face, Oliver’s features started to shift. His cheekbones lifted slightly, giving him a more youthful, angular look. His skin smoothed out, free of any imperfections. His lips plumped slightly, taking on a fuller, more kissable shape, while his eyes brightened, becoming sharper and more striking. He could feel his whole face rearranging into something undeniably hot, almost model-like, with a perfect mix of masculinity and beauty.

The twinks stepped back to admire their work. “Not done yet,” one of them murmured, reaching up to run his hand through Oliver’s hair. His curls were wild and unkempt from the transformation so far, but that was about to change. With a snap of his fingers, the twink adjusted Oliver’s hair, turning it into a sleek, styled cut that framed his new face perfectly. His hair shortened and cleaned up, still curly but with a deliberately messy yet stylish look, the kind that took no effort but looked flawless.

“Now you’re perfect,” the first twink said, admiring him from head to toe. Oliver glanced into the elevator’s mirror. His reflection was nearly unrecognizable—a mix of power, beauty, and primal masculinity. His muscles were large, but his proportions were refined. His face was sharp and stunning. His package strained against his pants, his ass round, firm and rock hard to the touch.

As the elevator continued to climb, the twinks circled him like vultures, admiring their creation. He was a masterpiece of both raw, primal strength and irresistible beauty—a perfect alpha, but with a twinkish touch of aesthetic perfection.

Oliver could barely think. His thoughts were slow and clouded, reduced to basic, primal urges. All he could feel was the overwhelming power coursing through his body, mixed with the vain satisfaction of his perfect looks. He flexed in the mirror, grinning dumbly as the elevator stopped, one last time.

The twinks left the elevator with Oliver, all going to his apartment for a little 'test drive'.