#but again also dont know if im able to finish
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nekomasmngr · 14 days ago
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had the most tiring concert weekend experience ever and i just want to hyperfixate on idol!kuroo fics or bf!kuroo supporting my fangirl side fics this week to cope with the pcd but i looked at my schedule again this week and omg even if my body is seriously so, so sore, i remembered i have to be out and about for events and shoots, givE ME STRENGTH!!!
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luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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themboty · 8 months ago
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I knew office jobs could be boring but I at least thought I'd do productive work for a few hours my first day
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lesbianwords · 7 months ago
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i NEED to get back into writing but it's so hard and im being so brave about it😭
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arolesbianism · 5 months ago
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Earlier I encountered another fun isat glitch while fighting the king but this time instead of Odile crashing my game she decided to just stop taking damage and tbh that's how it should be all the time. About to take damage? Don't.
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brutal-nemesis · 1 year ago
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YWDaC: Maybe It’s Not So Fun After All
Hiii here is part 2 of pirate shenanigans I’ll probably do one more to finish this out but it probably won’t be for a while cuz I have some other stuff I wanna work on so enjoy for now ✨
←Previous - Castys Masterlist - Next→
Ingredients: pirate battle, wood splinters in a guy, stitches
The next few weeks were truly a learning experience, and also just an experience. Castys learned far more than he ever thought there was to know about ropes and knots and wind and how to clean things, all while his back slowly hurt less and less. He hadn’t even been whipped that much, but it was still super unfun as an experience, enough to motivate him to be a good little pirate. Well, more like a sailor, they hadn’t done any pirate activities since he was so kindly given a spot on the crew.
And of course when battle did come, he wished he could go right back to the peaceful days of hard labor and yelling.
Kamon had been teaching him to use a sword during their free time, since Castys’s spear wasn’t well suited for combat aboard a crowded ship, but before he even got a chance to use it, the ships had to fire their cannons at each other a bunch. It was loud, somehow way louder than he’d been expecting, and his arms burned from carrying ammunition up from the hold. By the time the fun part started, he was already gonna be exhausted, just great.
His new orders were to take supplies up to the main deck, and he was somehow surprised that there was even more chaos and yelling up here than down below. They were getting pretty close to the other ship now, and it was probably almost time to board them and steal all their shit, which he was actually excited for. Mainly the stealing part.
Just as he set the crate down, there was a loud crack next to him, and his body lit up with all these sharp little pains, like…he looked down, and he was indeed covered in splinters. They were a wonderful variety of sizes, from tiny little ones that weren’t even making him bleed to ones that were as long as his hand, but the worst one had poked completely through his fucking cheek, filling his mouth with the taste of wood and blood, which was a weird combination. Ears ringing, he stumbled away from the destroyed railing, and was just about to start pulling the splinters out before he remembered the medic’s stern warning to not pull splinters out yourself. So he had a cheek piercing for now, hooray.
Before he’d made it back belowdecks, Captain Izogie called for everyone to get ready to board, so nevermind to hauling stuff. Castys pulled out the sword he’d been given, the weight still feeling a little unnatural, but it was all he was gonna get. He saw some dudes climbing up the rigging and swinging over on ropes, but he’d rather just wait and walk over on the plank like a normal person. Was boarding another ship a normal person thing? Okay, really, swinging looked fun, but he didn’t feel like climbing when he was full of holes that were full of wood. Also he didn’t trust himself to land without breaking something.
And then it was his turn to cross the plank, running so he didn’t have time to look down and think about falling into the cold ocean, jumping down into the chaos of the fight, trying his best to weave through the clashing metal and warm spurts of blood, and suddenly he was face-to-face with someone, someone he didn’t recognize, and he raised his sword, but just as he was about to swing he remembered that he’d never fought another human, not for real, and he couldn’t help but hesitate, and they didn’t, they swung, he only jumped back at the last second, it was them or him, he had to fight, remember what he’d learned, remember what it felt like to slice through flesh and hear screams, and it was more familiar once he did it, coming back to him now, his grip steady as he jumped over the body and moved on, belowdecks, rummaging around for valuables, helping his crewmates pry crates open and carry them back to the ship, the wood almost slipping out of his hands, when did they get slick with blood, he wasn’t sure, it was all a haze of back and forth, up and down, fight and slash and stab and dodge and search and carry and he almost walked back across the plank onto the now-sinking ship, all of its contents plundered, all of its crew dead. 
The fight was over, and everything hurt. 
With shaky hands, he tried to put his sword back in its scabbard, but someone stopped him. “Clean your blade, newbie. And then go see the doc. You look like shit.” Castys nodded, wiping the blood from his sword with his shirt before sheathing it and stumbling belowdecks. Maybe he’d get less of a share of the treasure this way, but at the moment he didn’t care. He just wanted the damn splinters out. And the gash in his arm probably needed stitches, which were always his favorite. 
He found Alfyn’s quarters without much trouble, having been there before after he’d been flogged on his first day. The healer was busy tending to people with more pressing wounds, so Castys just sat on the floor and watched. Alfyn’s healing magic was so strange to watch, the way he could just hold his hands out and make flesh rejoin the other flesh super unfamiliar to Castys. Neither of them could use magic back on the islands, so the whole concept was sorta new to him, especially this weird healing stuff. His fingers teased with the splinter through his cheek, wiggling it against his tongue. It would be kinda funny to pull it out and then try to squirt water out of the hole in his cheek, but that would require pulling it out and then finding water and also someone who would think he was funny, which sounded like a lot, so he settled for fucking with it and waiting for Alfyn.
By the time he got to him, Alfyn’s nose was plugged with a rag that was either completely soaked in blood or just red, but maybe it was red because it had been soaked in blood before. He looked Castys up and down, and Castys showed off his arm gash since it was very painful. Alfyn nodded, beckoning Castys to stand. “Nothing you’ve got’s pressing enough to use my magic on, but I’ll still get you fixed up. You’re…Castys, right?”
“That’s my name.” Castys sat on the little table, the spots of blood on it soaking into his pants, which kind of sucked, but what wasn’t dirty on this ship, anyway? “So why can’t I take out the splinters myself?”
Alfyn laughed a little, coming back over with tweezers and a metal bucket that had a bunch of other splinters in it. “I don’t trust you lot to get them out completely. If you do it wrong, little bits can get left behind.” He then started pulling out Castys’s splinters the right way, which seemed to be to do it slow and to use tweezers, but Castys could be wrong since he was a little distracted by all of his little wounds hurting all over again. Alfyn did the one in his cheek last, and once it was out Castys poked at the hole left behind with his tongue despite the pain, which got a sigh out of Alfyn instead of a laugh.
“Please don’t make the wound worse, Castys.”
“Sorry.” He was then a very still and patient and well-behaved boy while Alfyn cleaned all of his wounds, arm gash included. Whatever liquid Alfyn was pouring on everything stung a lot, but he sat still so he didn’t make things more difficult for Alfyn, who looked really damn tired now that Castys was paying attention.
“Alright, your arm and cheek are going to need stitches, so please keep holding still like you’ve been doing.”
“They used to call me statue boy.” Kind of funny considering the time he almost did get turned into a statue, but that was a joke for just him. He clenched his fists and Alfyn approached with the needle and thread. He’d been through this more than once, he’d be fine, it was all things he’d felt before. The sensation of the needle poking into his skin, the tug of thread following behind, the hand on his chin…
“Hold still.”
“I’m trying, but it’s hard not to laugh at the faces you’re making.”
“I’m trying to focus here, Castys, come on. You don’t want this to be a super nasty scar, do you?”
“Uh…I don’t really care. As long as I can still eat food and stuff what does it matter? I don’t see anyone else besides you, and I don’t think you care either.”
“I-I don’t, but…maybe there will be other people, someday?”
“Even then, whatever. If they’re scared off by a scar on my face they’re probably losers, anyway.”
“So you’ll fit right in, then!”
“And yet you still hang out with me all of the time.”
“Yeah, ‘cause there’s literally no one else, dumbass. It’s not like I have options.”
“Sucks to suck. I’m…I’m okay with just you, though.”
“...Me too, Castys. But that might change if you don’t sit still.”
His scars hurting more than his actual wounds was stupid, but it was certainly happening. He left Alfyn’s quarters in sort of a daze, trying to bury everything the stitches had brought to the surface. Focus on anything and everything else, on the awful food, on talking with Kamon, on getting more respect from the other crewmates, on drinking stolen ale, on the share of the treasure he was promised once they reached land.
But that night, lying awake in his hammock as the crew snored around him, his scars still hurting, the pain cutting through the warm haze of the alcohol, he didn’t feel any less alone.
Next→
Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump @blackrosesandwhump @fanmanga1357-blog @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @hearse-song @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen @galaxywhump @starnight-whump @his-unspoken-words @misspelledwitch @suspicious-whumping-egg @pumpkin-spice-whump @painsandconfusion @i-can-even-burn-salad @befuddled-calico-whump @whumpinggrounds @whump-queen @whumpedydump  @theelvishcowgirl
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pears-trinkets · 9 months ago
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everything sucks so hard rn idk
#mischa isnt eating again all while screaming because shes hungry and pulling every single piece of plastic out of my shelves#all my bags straps and backpacks have saliva stains from her#she will jump into shelves and pull out dvds to lick#and there's no other food i can try#my paycheck lacks 500 euro because i was sick and im still 200 euro in the red after getting my paycheck today#and tomorrow is the tooth surgery and ive been trying to call my dentist because he only applied for 2 of 3 teeth#at my insurance#and these 2 will be over 1k already after my insurance will pay their part#at least the sedation isnt as strong as i thought so i can go home by myself and dont have to rely on any unreliable people#after my mom accused me of making mischa have diarrhea on purpose because the food company changed the recipe and i gave her 1 bag#she hasnt talked to me and im definitely not going to be the one to start a conversation with her because im usually better off without her#so its nice that i dont have to ask her for her assistance tomorrow#just gonna do everything alone like usual#also work is so UUUGGGHHHHH and sucks so hard all my coworkers ignore what i say and just go to other people behind my back to do my job#im stress eating so much all my favorite clothes dont fit anymore and i hate looking in the mirror#i wanna go swimming but i just dont have the energy i just wanna curl up and dont have a body#also i have a comic idea written down for several months now and i wanna finish it for mothers day but i feel so discouraged#wehh#im also so stressed i clawed so much at my face its full of bloody spots i look so bad#every morning my neighbors i dont even share a wall with turn on their super broken washingmachine at 7 am#and it sounds so broken and its so loud it sounds like someone is drilling a hole into the wall for 40 -120 ?>#mins#i haven't been able to sleep properly for like a month#when i go into work everyone is just like oof you dont look good#thanks i know
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leijonzzz · 9 months ago
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I LOVE SUIKODEN SOOOO FUCKING MUCH
#im in gregminster at the end of the game rn and i love love loooovee being able to hear the upbeat town music just barely#beneath the melancholic wind sounds#suikoden ost you are everything to me no ost will ever top you#also i got all 108 stars babey B)#unfortunately got leon after doing the final army battle so i didnt get gremio revived which is APPARENTLY A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN???????#but i mean pahn died when he dueled my dad or whatever anyways so idk if id have been able to have gremio revived even if i had gotten leon#also the idea of him being revived kind of undersells the story tbh#maybe it works with how its executed idk i didnt get to see it happen lmao#also. i know i am RIGHTTT on top of the finale like i am so close to beating this game again but#i had to stop because of all the freaking guards jumping me every 2 seconds good lord#fight four guards take a step fight four more guards take another step fight five guards etcetc#ALSO#I ENDED UP GOING THRU THE NECLORD CASTLE LIKE. FOUR OR FIVE TIMES FOR REASONS#AND WHYYYYY COULDNT I USE AN ESCAPE TALISMAN THERE????#i beat the neclord months ago t-t#i dont mind the random encounters and stuff as a concept but when ur at the end game just tryna finish up some odds and ends.#they are so. frustrating#i think the frequency of them is the problem#esp since suikoden isnt a grindy game like it is so easy to level up characters super fast#which i love love loveeeee i love that ur actaully kind of able to play around with using a variety of ur. 100+ characters#but then its like. why so many random fights theyre just wasting my time#hoping suikoden 2 is a lil better in that regard but we shall see#reeeaally really hyped for suikoden 2!!#spoilers for a 30 yo old game lmao
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star-ocean-peahen · 1 year ago
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im so tired so tired and im bored and i need some easy reward chemical for my stupid brain but i dont know where to get it
#i want to do something that matters but doesn't matter something that requires no effort but engages me something that has#long-lasting consequences but will also change nothing i want something that changes me but doesn't affect me at all#i want to feel things but i dont want to despair but no matter if i can feel things or not i despair anyway#ive been putting off sending an important email for a week and a half and just the thought of trying to put my thoughts in order#terrifies me#i want to read fic because i like it but i know that when i do i will only feel like im wasting time#i want to finish that drawing i was doing of my body horror dream i want to finish drawing my oc i want to finish the gifts for people#that are years late i want to send that fucking email#i want. to be able to do things again.#but i can't. i can't do anything but sit here and feel awful about everything.#i can't take care of myself i can't make myself feel any better i can't do anything that helps me im just. stuck here.#and nothing is real nothing feels real nothing feels like it matters nothing seems to be making a change#and i. i know the only cure for this is time. and rest.#but i can't rest.#i can't do anything but sit here and try to forget how miserable i am#im tired of pretending im ok. im tired of pretending im getting better.#im tired of pretending im doing okay so i won't blame myself for not fixing me.#im tired of pretending i have hope because GOOD sick people have hope.#im tired of the consequences of my inaction catching up to me then i have to deal with that when i couldnt deal with their cause in the#first place#i have so many tabs open and its slowing down my computer and phone. but i can't bring myself to go through them and finish my business#with them so i can close them.#im tired of my room getting dirtier and dirtier and nothing is organized properly and my sheets are falling off my bed but i can't remake i#im tired. im tired.#lassie vents#vent
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bixiaoshi · 2 years ago
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chisatowo · 2 years ago
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Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun
#rat rambles#^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™#Im ok just kinda emotional#and filled with rage abt everything ever but yknow when am I not#I rlyyy need to see if theres any lgbtq originisatons in my area#if theres one close enough maybe I could start vollenteering? idk#Im just anxious abt not being considered queer enough yknow the usual sorts dhndhdjhdjd#but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit#like it makes me feel like if I bring up my acearo identity it makes my lesbianism less ~real~ somehow#like idk I wanna meet other queer ppl irl and I want more queer friends and I wanna be able to experiment with stuff#but idk why Im so scared abt the idea of having to explain myself#I know ppl probably wont care but ig Im just scared that if other queer ppl reject me then Ill have nowhere to go#or maybe itd go great and I could get a girlfriend like fuck man thats the problem xhdkgsksh#it could be the best thing thats ever happened to me but Im so anxious abt trying#Ive been so lonely and fuck man I dont trust myself to not let myself get trampled#sorry this got real personal real fast dhdkgdkdh again Im ok just emotional#now that I brought up the girlfriend thing tho I am going to be having gay thoughts while I shower so oops dhkdhkdh#idk Im still so unsure abt how I feel abt dating no romantic attraction asside like#again Ive never been able to experiment? and I also just dont know if theres anyone Id be willing to date in practice#like it might just be lonliness but it also could be me forming a stronger sense of self and better existing outside of relationships#and as such feeling more comfortable abt the idea of having more deep relationships with ppl even outside of dating and such#but again its all theoretical rn 😔#anyways I need to shower bro its so late#rat vents
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robocops-a-christ-allegory · 5 months ago
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There is something about the whole indie artist thing in This Current Era where you'll see someone put out the most cathartic relatable work you've ever seen and then also their 3am "ITS FUCKING OVERRRR" vent posts
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deoidesign · 4 months ago
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What if I.
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when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this
#rarely share ep stuff but i should do more#its free posts#i havent been drawing anything else so this is what weve got#but this is also hundreds of drawings.#ive done. 512 finished panels just checked my spreadsheet#2 more episodes for this arc!#i want the whole arc done before return#its good it's cute#but the next one#oh my god im never gonna shut up about it#it is actually for real extremely so the best thing ive ever written...#im like. im so excited about it.#it was so hard to write too because it is CLEEEEAAAAANLY solving sooo many things and pushing so much forward#and it had to impose so many extremely specific limitations to make those happen#and to impose limitations and clean things up in a way that doesnt feel like I'm doing That#is sooo hard. like. yall. HAHAHAHAH#things that feel like they simply fall into place when reading do NOT feel like that to write#i wrote no joke like 50 different outlines for this arc#i take so long because i care deeply about what im putting out#im really sad about how some other stuff turned out#some of the biggest story moments were completely undercut (imo) by being rushed by my schedule#they still hit because the setup i did I was able to work through properly#so a conclusion at 80% can still feel satisfying even if its a bit rushed...#but i dont want the end of the series to have that happen#anyways. yeah this stuff coming back is my best work. i can't wait for people to see it#I'm so fucked no one is gonna know it's back but whatever#hopefully i don't need to pause again and hopefully I'm not rushed through the ending#so much to do so much to do........#ok bye#reblog addition
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arolesbianism · 10 months ago
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Tiphereth suppression finally complete babeyyyy
#rat rambles#lisa my beloved <3#her brother also exists ig.#I did it first try too which honestly is a relief it took forever idk how many times I could handle doing all that#which also means that the other two are now ready for their core suppressions which is both exiting and scary#exciting because it means that I can tell alruine to fuck off#scary because red mist boss fight 😔#I have no idea what to expect but tbh I rly cant be any more prepared than I already am#I have all the aleph gear not counting apocalypse bird and white night gear#and I have all the waw gear except for the one waw I havent gotten yet#in fact there's only 4 abnos I havent gotten yet I think and two of those are toold#I might stall a bit by memory repositing until I get those out of the way but I also might not idk#what I am starting to have to think abt tho is the two side bosses I previously mentioned#I do think apocalypse bird might be doable for me rn but white knight is a more tricky story#mostly because quite frankly I dont have 12 employees available to sacrifice to start the fight#I can obviously just make some new throaway guys but still#now setting up apocalypse bird would also be annoying since I currently only have judgement bird in my facility#rly Im just not sure which of my guys can or cant handle either boss#cause I do need the manpower but I also just am not confident that most of the gear my guys have will do them much good#now one thing that may be kind of pointless but I still wanna do is get silent orchestras ego gift on one of my guys#because god damn is that a powerful buff even if white damage isnt that common outside of anbno breaches#it would be fun in the sense that thatd make my girl able to solo any abnos that deal white damage#again its good dont get me wrong its just definitely smth that isnt as widly applicable as youd think#but yeah ideally I dont wanna do another day one reset and I rly do think this could be the run#the only reason I reset my first one rly was because I had gotten bored grinding for gear and also just wanted to finish my abno info#collection easier since there was a shit load of low level abnos I was missing#now the only ''''low level'''' abno Im missing is plague doctor for well. obvious reasons.#so yeah I should be pretty good and done with my info gathering within a session or two#tbh I dont even know what the wellfare meltdown looks like but Im much less scared of it than the boss fights I have up ahead#stinky b is also going to be tricky but Im hoping it wont be too bad
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autism-corner · 1 year ago
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dude this interest that has accumulated in me is so strange i dont even know if theres anyone that likes the same thing.
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nomaishuttle · 1 year ago
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note to self for next time : No boots No tights No dress
#1. my feet are sore. 2. My thighs hurt bc my dress was short so my thigh with the tights was directly on the seat so the tights rubbed#against my thighs also i was cold 3. Was scared rhe entire time my entire vagina and ass was out also i was.cold also rhe tights situation#sadddd.bc the dress with a shirt under it with tights and boots is like the only outfit i know i look cute in..#but alas i think that dress is to short that was rhe majority of my problems#well have 2 umm. idk if ill be able 2 go next week due to money skull. i have enough 2 get a lyft there and back but who knows. Also if i#need to get a lyft 2 work i am So incredibly fucked lol. i only have 38 dollars and theyre usually 40...#lets just all pray that marian is better on monday... shell prolly text and lmk tmrw but if she doesnt ill text her around 6ish tmrw to#check in#and if she Isnt better. well. war is hell DKFNFKFNJF. i mightttt be able to ask one of my roommates but id rly#rly prefer not to. i think they hate me again basically all three of them#i meant do ask one of them how she gets his alcohol but im scared now so j wont sad. it prolly wasnt a good idea 2 mix weed and alcohol#anyway.. + i dont have money 4 it anymore LOL.#the library prooooobably wont be required next week bc If i am a very very good boy my schoolwork will be all done by then.#and rhen the saturday AFTER next i can go fuckin nuts... bc ill have a bunch of money saved up + it can be my special reward 4 finishing#school. a little graduation party...
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