#but a mixed progesterone one

[natjennie]

can anyone explain to me why im apparently on my period right now?

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

Was anyone gonna tell me birth control was this powerful???

[whentherewerebicycles]

wedding was wonderful but I’m very happy to be curled up in bed with the dogs now listening to the rain and finishing a novel. I give myself full permission to be a hermit all afternoon and then I think I’ll hang out and cook with my sister tonight. tomorrow I get bloodwork done in the morning and then will probably have a busy social day with liz + sam which is good as it’ll prevent me from being glued to my phone waiting for the results. at this point I don’t even know how to feel. I’ve read enough journal articles and forum posts to know that the odds are against me but that there is a small chance I’ll be one of the lucky ones whose body just follows a different course than your average pregnancy. I’m expecting to learn that I’m going to miscarry but obviously hoping against hope that I don’t… and also hoping, in a more clear-eyed realist sort of way, that if it has to happen it’s via miscarriage rather than an ectopic pregnancy, and that the process itself doesn’t take too long (so I can start again this summer instead of having to wait weeks or months). but ah well—I need to settle back into waiting mode, as I probably won’t get the test results back until tuesday morning and can’t change anything or make anything happen by obsessively googling in the meantime.

[catboybiologist]

btw I'm experiencing too-high estrogen related symptoms recently which kinda explains why I've been off my shits. I struggled so much to get my E up that I didn't think it would be a problem- I was around 400 at trough when I last measured, which is way too fucking high. Tbf there was one special circumstance to that but still. Cramps, nausea, irritability, and generally just being really fucking fired up at peak, which I've been slowly moving to Tuesdays (injection on Sundays).

My theory is that progesterone is acting as an androgen blocker, completely paving the way for estrogen to go batshit. Also, in the process of moving my injection day (to be more convenient) I was using a 6-day cycle instead of 7 day for a while, which would have cumulative effects. I started both of those things around the same time, and I think the cumulative effect finally caught up to me these past two weeks- the half life of estradiol valerate can be long enough to essentially slowly make levels summative.

But anyways, yeah, I'm off my shits a little. It's kinda fun but kinda annoying, hate the stomach stuff, the fired up ness is a mixed bag. I'll probably be titrating my dose down just a little.

[freeuselandonorris]

Umm hi. I am here to get some big sibling life stories and comfort from your asks again. I noticed you anwered one ask that if you knew the term you would have identify as ageosexual for years. Can you like what changed? What made you found the kink side? Why were you volunteraly not having sex for years? I am just personally really struggling with my own sexuality and letting people close is hard to figure out if I am just scared or on a-spectre. (Don't feel pressure to answer)

hi little sibling anon! ❤️

so, i've always been a very highly sexual person mentally, but to me the high sex drive (i am CONSTANTLY thinking about sex and have been pretty much since i hit puberty) is not actually all that linked to the desire to have physical sex, if that makes sense.

between the ages of 17-22, i had almost uniformly miserable sex. i was struggling with various mental illnesses and horrifically poor impulse control mixed with binge drinking, so my sex life between those years mainly consisted of, at best, drunken one night stands, and at worse - well, i'm sure you can imagine. so at some point i just kind of swore off the whole thing, thought i'd maybe just take a six month break or whatever... and that somehow turned into about eight years. and honestly, i didn't miss it. i read fic a lot, i masturbated pretty much every day, but i rarely had the desire for sex and i never fantasised about myself (hence my comment about ageosexuality).

i can't pinpoint one moment that changed. part of it was just getting more mentally healthy in general, part of it was coming off birth control that had artificially dampened my sex drive (fuck you, progesterone-only pill!), part of it was meeting a partner online and being able to develop our sex life in a way that felt doable (i.e. a lot of sexting) before we met in person. and it was at that point that i started getting into kink more seriously (i'd always known i was attracted to it - even as a kid, before i understood what kink was, i was attracted to the same stuff i sexualise now), and that was a revelation. honestly, even now i could probably live pretty cheerfully without 'standard' sex for the rest of my life (assuming i was allowed to jerk off lol), but i couldn't live without some sort of kink practice. even now, i don't actually have sex/practice partnered kink that often! it's generally about once a month. but i think about/talk about/write about sex constantly thanks to my delicious feral friends and mutuals, and that to me is a fulfilling sex life. would i welcome partnered sex/kink more often if the opportunity presented? sure. could i live without it? absolutely.

ALL THIS TO SAY (long-winded and oversharing as usual) that sexuality can and does change! for me, part of it was undoubtedly fear from previous bad experiences, but part of it was simply that i hadn't yet understood what my sexuality did consist of. and that is something that comes with time, and with being honest with yourself. of course some people know from a very young age that they're ace and live their entire lives without that changing, in the same way that some people have always known they were gay or straight or any other sexual identity. but equally, for plenty of people, it changes over time, and that doesn't make it any more or less valid.

soooo if i'm going to give you some big-sibling advice, i would say that of course you can define yourself in a way that fits you and feels good to you, but that definition doesn't have to be a one-time-only thing. you are allowed to see your sexuality as a fluid thing that shifts over time, whether that's due to circumstances or simply who you are as a person changing. if you don't want to let people close to you right now, then you don't have to (and in fact i'd recommend you don't, for a little while at least, because it doesn't sound like you're enjoying the experiences you do have currently), but you don't have to assign a definition to it if that doesn't feel right. and conversely, you can assign a term to describe it to yourself and others and then change that term in the future if it doesn't fit anymore. you can say to yourself: 'okay, i don't want to have sex at the moment', and that can be enough.

[circeswhore]

It takes a long time to work the suggestion into your head. Any time we saw a woman showing off some cleavage or wearing something right over her huge tits, I'd just lean over to you and say "Ugh, women with tits like that are such sluts." At first, you'd try to push back against it, playfully reminding me that she's not showing off her tits, she's just a woman who has big tits. You playfully punch my arm when I say that there really isn't a difference, and we move on.

But every time I say it, it works its way a bit deeper into your head. I know it's starting to work when you come home and tell me about this "huge slut" you saw. I just smirk and parrot the same thing back at you, "I thought she was just a woman who has big tits?" You roll your eyes. "Okay, but this was different! Her sports bra was, like, three sizes too small! And I swear to God, her nipples were about to pop out! Her areola were peeking over the edge." I put my arm around you and joke that, maybe, I had a point all along. You won't concede the point, but you're starting to feel it deep down.

Not long after, the suggestion really takes hold. Scrolling through Instagram shows you thirst traps and bikini pics that make you think, immediately and instinctively, God, what a fucking slut... It gradually worsens until you finally send me a picture of a woman wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, looking absolutely casual, with the caption "Jesus, look at this slut." It makes me smile. Now I can move on to phase 2.

Now that you've internalized the fact that women with large busts are inherently slutty objects for the pleasure of others, it's simply a matter of making your own tits just as big if not bigger. Pills mixed into your drink. Extra shots of estrogen. Massaging progesterone cream into your bust as you sleep. Anything and everything to force your boobs to swell and grow. When you put on your bra and notice just how much is spilling over the cups, you look at yourself in the mirror. "Holy shit, I look like a slut!" But, without new bras to replace the old ones, you're forced to go out like that, painfully aware of the eyes looking at you, staring at your burgeoning tits, to the point where you can almost feel them growing.

The old you would have berated the stranger into dust. How dare he just say something like that! You're not even showing off any cleavage! But, instead, you giggle and bounce on the balls of your feet. "Thanks, Mister! Grew 'em myself!" You're mortified and embarrassed as you rush inside, hoping no one else saw you, but you can't tell which is more embarrassing: the fact that you responded like that or the fact that his attention made you so fucking horny. As the days go by and your tits continue to grow, you're both humiliated and aroused that, by the time they arrive, you've already outgrown the new bras you ordered. It's like your whole life is becoming about your tits. I can't keep my hands or my lips off of them, which only encourages you to show them off for me, showing them to me or bouncing them for me whenever I ask.

One night, when you're grinding against me, sitting on my lap while I lavish your nipples with my lips and my tongue, you whimper and push me back. "B-baby? Are... Are my boobs too big?" I give you a big grin before grabbing your tits and squeezing hard, making you throw your head back in a lewd, unfiltered moan.

"Of course not, Lilac. They're perfect for a slut like you."

💕💕💕

[sophiesbimbofantasy]

omg orgasm denial mixed with progesterone is CRAZY like I see one horny post n suddenly im in heat

[aspd-culture]

wait what, im not that anon but

1) cant pwASPD care about people? (i technically dont care about people in a way thats NOT transactional, limerant, anxious, hypervigilant, fearful of abandonment/rejection/violence, a source of comfort, a source of company or to appease loneliness, a source to appease boredom, or otherwise i cant be bothered to replace people because of how unique their particular set of characteristics are (ideals, mannerisms, personality, interests, ethics, commonalities, etc) and how 99% of humans are annoying or i dont click with (and i really dont wanna build another relationship/memories/etc; its so annoying and seems like such a boring waste of time and annoying to have to do all over again), but whatever, its still there. and its somewhat linked to emotion. so i personally count it. i guess.

2) is trying to help people because you feel like you'll get hurt otherwise as social instinct? or, if its annoying to see someone do something without your help? (especially if its so slow.. especially when no one else is helping.. especially when its to do with cleanliness or something theyre fumbling with, i cant stand it, its really annoying) also what is "social" instinct?

3) can pwASPD have some part of our brain that deludes itself into believing humans are good (like 1% of my system - mostly child, teens or naive/blissfully unaware members - believes this and its kinda stupid, i guess its a coping mechanism because they dont wanna see the brutal truth? haha.)

1.) pwASPD definitely can and do care about people, sometimes for transactional reasons, sometimes for emotional ones, and often for a mix of the two. However, there are some pwASPD who simply don't have the capacity or interest to care about anyone and are aro and aplatonic, and they are valid too.

2.) Nope, neither of those are social instincts. Social instincts include the instincts that pull you to "help your fellow man" for no reason other than they are a human and you are one as well. Social instincts in general are the set of subconscious behaviors, thought patterns, chemical and hormonal releases (such as dopamine, oxytocin, and progesterone), emotions, etc etc that cause humans to stay in packs, form close emotional bonds, not violate rules/codes set by society including moral codes aka manners, seek help from other people, seek emotional validation and coregulation, procreate, help others without other reason, not use/manipulate/lie to others or anything else that may risk destroying a bond, etc. It's the set of things that is the difference between any pack animal vs any solitary animal.

3.) Yes, generally, this comes from partially developed social centers in the brain in singlets or system where all members have this feeling, or from denial in other situations, as you mentioned. Some people need to cope by believing people are good, and while this is rare in pwASPD, the more people you have using one brain, the more chance some of them will have different coping mechanisms. My system has a couple members who feel that way as well, despite having other ASPD symptoms.

[caztiel]

im thinking of going on the pill so that i can have my period less please tell me what u think of it and if it helps etc like does it cause bloating? what side effects did u experience? which one are u on? weight fluctuations? i want to go on it primarily to have my periods less but the birth control aspect is nice too. right now i have regular periods

[your-god-empress-lavender]

A (probably) new method of taking estrogen

Okay, so, this will probably also work for pretty much anything that's not super heat or water sensitive and doesn't have a carboxylic acid on it (eg. testosterone, progesterone, other things that I won't talk about here so that my post doesn't get taken down), but I'm personally just trying to deal with estradiol because somehow I've become the biggest non-prescription E distributor in my city. Instead of using a tablet press or buying gel capsules, you can make starch chips. Essentially, you mix starch, sugar (not essential, but I like the sweet), any other flavors you want (don't use a lot because it will be concentrated), and your active ingredient to the desired dose (how to find this will be explained later). Once everything is very well mixed together, you take 1 unit (by volume) of the mix and add 3 volumes water (this is about the maximum and makes it easier to handle as a fluid, but if you want more precision, use less water, down to 2 volumes where it will be very stiff and just barely fluid).

Now, while this whole thing is fairly precise, for the next bit it's more like baking than pill making. What you need to do is take about 1 mL of the mix into a syringe (no needle), pipette, or other precise measuring device, and drop it onto a baking sheet. You make as many drops as you need to use up all of the mix, being sure not to let the drops touch. At this point, count the number of drops on the pan to make sure that the mix is divided exactly into the number you had planned. If there are too many drops, the estradiol will be more dilute than intended, if there are too few, your estradiol will be more concentrated than intended. Put the sheet in the oven for 10 minutes at 325, lower temp can be used, but will need more time to dehydrate. The actual cooking time is not super important and you can go almost 5 minutes over without consequences, but more than that and it may burn. When they're done, you should be able to easily scrape the little starch chips off the sheet. If they are sticking, try using parchment paper, using less water, or cooking them a little longer. The starch things can be dissolved sublingually or swallowed.

In order to calculate the amount in each one, you take number of chips you expect to make and multiply by the dose you want per chip (eg. you use 100mls of dry mix and 250 mls of water, and want a chip that uses 1.5 mls of wet mix, so you have 350/1.5 which gives you 233 chips. If you want 4mg per chip, that means that the dry mix will need 933mg of estradiol in total. So, this means that you take 933mg of estradiol, add starch (and other ingredients if you want) up to 100mls, add water, make precisely 233 drops, and that's it).

I was rushed when I wrote this, but IMO it's pretty cool and I hope it helps someone. If anything needs clarification, just ask and I'll be happy to clarify

[farmerlesbian]

Your answer was lovely, thank you for it! If there's anything else you ever feel would be relevant to share I'd love to learn more. What's the deal with the voice? Is it gradual, or is it a full-on teenage boy drop, with cracks in between? I'm definitely interested in deepening my voice because I don't feel masculine enough with my voice as is, but I don't want to sound too Vin Diesel, if you get my meaning. Again, thank you for your time, this blog has been incredibly meaningful for helping me discover my masculinity and understand my identity. 🌵

yeah! so as i said, i'm on a low dose so it's a bit slower for me than folks on a medium or higher or "standard" or whatever dose. not that that is a thing but whatever. anyways.

i have greatly dislike my voice for a long time so the voice dropping was one thing i knew i wanted. which is good because it's one of the few things thats not really reversible.

for me it was gradual, and it's been slow. i have had some weeks where like my voice is sore. I'm faaar from an expert but I think it's a mix of like me not being used to my changing range and pushing my voice too high out of habit from 28 years of speaking in a higher range, but also i think i've heard that when it's doing the dropping it gets a bit sore? i just drank a lot of throat coat tea lol me and my transmasc buds are ON that throatcoat lmao

I do have some voice cracks lol but like since I already had the like ~female puberty I am not going from like prepubescent voice to man voice, I'm going from a slightly below prepubescent (if you recall, an estrogen/progesterone ?? puberty will lower the voice a bit too. an adult cis womans voice is lower than when she was a girl, for example.)

there's also a not insignificant element of training and practice to it as well. like the way you speak isn't going to magically change, right? you still have all your vocal habits and your personality and stuff. so for me i have to practice a little bit of talking at a lower register. and getting out of the habit of using a higher register because honestly it hurts ouchie owww my throat!! haha

[therubymuse]

Biologically Angry

Preface

Recently, a trans woman by the name of Dylan has been the focus of intense outrage from conservatives who live on the stuff, but today, I want to use one of her actions as a jumping off point to talk about who owns the writ on womanhood. Before she was (in)famous for Bud Light and Nike sponsorships, Dylan was taking heat from trans-exclusionary reactionary fascists for another reason: because she carries tampons in her purse. 

I have recently been having some complicated feelings on the limitations of my body, as a trans woman, and owing to either autism, borderline personality disorder, or a mix of the two, I feel a need to share the loss and mourning I’m experiencing with those in my circles. This has, in turn, brought up more complicated feelings.

It may or may not be a surprise for you to learn that trans women have periods. I never know who’s going to read this stuff so this may feel a little Trans 101, but owing to feminizing hormones, a lot of the experiences cis women have with menstruation, like the cramping, the moods, and the cravings, are all things people on feminizing hormones also experience. 

The technical reason for this is hormonal levels dictate fertility cycle windows. Put estrogen and progesterone into a body, and it’s going to react the same way cis bodies that produce those hormones naturally react. As to cramping, it’s not actually the uterus doing the squeeze, but the smooth muscle lining around the intestines, which means that despite not having a uterus, I still get cramps that have knocked me to the floor at times. The only thing we don’t experience is the bleeding, cause of the aforementioned lack of uterus. 

All of this absolutely outrages our some folks, of course. They claim we’re erasing and robbing meaning from the feminine experience. They claim that people like Dylan “masquerade” as women and that her carrying tampons is just another shake of salt in their wounds. It doesn’t occur to them that the reason Dylan does this, the reason I do it, and the reason lots of women, trans or cis, do this is so we can help other women when they’re stuck. I don’t know a single cis woman who hasn’t at one time or another been caught short with her period. Why wouldn’t you want a friendly sister in the next stall over to pass you a pad or a tampon to help get you by? Why should it matter if that sister is trans or cisgender? 

Apparently these things matter a great deal to a vocal few, because according to some recent study work, most cisgender lesbians, for instance, are fully supportive of transgender lesbians. But you wouldn’t know that to sit on Twitter and watch the stream of hatred and calls for outright genocide of people like me. Which is why most of the online world ought to be taken with a grain of salt. 

However, my complicated feelings tie back to Dylan’s actions and experiences in a few other ways. And it’s my intention to air them here for your perusal, because I’m nothing if not a vulnerable trove of queer trauma hastily plastered to the wall for your education.

We are so often told that what is in the physical realm, is not what makes us women, and I agree with that statement. But it doesn’t change the emotional and physical longings I’ve felt and the loss and mourning I’ve experienced. I don’t expect anyone to believe me, but I do wish people would stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t feel, or that I’m better off for the loss. Cause I’m not. 

I: Bleeding

People will often tell you, with varying degrees of veracity, that an experience cannot ever be truly understood unless it is felt. It is this concept that is used to bludgeon transgender people back into our assigned gender and roles. I can’t know that I’m a woman, because I don’t know what a woman  feels like, or some variation on the concept. 

Except there are many ways that I can.

When I grew up in the 90s, there was no awareness or support for transgender kids. Most of my friends were girls, and they told me often the reason I was their friend, instead of most other boys at school, was because I wasn’t like those boys. One of them invited me over to a sleepover once, but their parents forbade boys from sleepovers. I asked my mother if I could join the Girl Guides, but the Guides didn’t know about trans kids at that time, so the answer was no. As I got older, my shy and feminine demeanour made me a target for bullying. I was often called a chicken and a f*gg*t for not engaging with boys. And so by senior high, I had learned to hide who I was really well, and continued to wear that mask into my 30s. 

My high school had a gay/lesbian support group, which I attended once, thinking I might be actually be gay. But I didn’t find I had much in common with gay boys, either. There was no support or wisdom for trans individuals. At home, my parents were not homophobes or particularly religious, but trans people weren’t talked about there either, and films with any gender incongruences such as The Birdcage or To Wong Foo were considered adult viewing, so I didn’t get to see them until much later in my life. Not that those films are paragon examples of trans experiences, but it would have been something. 

Despite all this, when I discovered what trans people were, and that they’d been here all along, I couldn’t explode from the closet fast enough. I knew with every fibre of my being that this is what I was missing. It didn’t matter that I’d never been a girl, I had been so painfully awkward and uncomfortable most of my life, that an answer so simple, that I was a girl, made perfect sense. 

We do trans people a disservice when we gatekeep these experiences. I was trapped inside the body, gender expectations, and social stature of manhood that felt completely alien to me, but there was nothing else, until I learned about being trans. 

I have a body that doesn’t have a uterus, and as such, I don’t bleed on my periods, but I have extended the thought to other folks who do experience this that I wish I could take that from them. And mostly, the response to this suggestion is incredulousness, bordering on anger. The thinking goes, that because I can’t know how this feels, I shouldn’t want it. And wanting it anyway feels disrespectful or demeaning to some. 

And to say I struggle with those emotions would be an understatement. It’s pretty much standard operating procedure at this point to deny a trans woman’s validity based on what she cannot do, but this doesn’t fit with feminism as I know it. There are women who are born without uteruses, or who are infertile, or who otherwise can’t have kids. The fact that they mourn that loss isn’t seen as an afront to womanhood. But it is when a trans woman does it. I don’t want to be angry at my sisters, but sometimes I am, because even allies struggle to understand why this hurts so much. 

The feminism I grew up with, that I saw in school amongst friends, told me that womanhood was not a club whose cost of admission was the strict adherence to patriarchal ideals. You didn’t need to bleed to be a woman, or have kids, or devote yourself to housekeeping and partnership at the cost of your artistry or personal development. The freedom to choose, not just in terms of bodily autonomy, but in all aspects of our identities, was paramount. And it feels like this notion has all but turned on it’s head in an attempt to keep trans women out of the club. The fact that I don’t bleed, that I can’t have kids, that I don’t want to devote myself to housework and partnership, are all points used against me, to prove I’m not a real woman. And yet, my desire to share things with other women is also somehow demeaning and shameful. 

That shrill charge of inauthenticity rings in my ears every time you tell me I  don’t actually know what we want. And it only makes the pain of loss more potent.

II: Childbirth

When I was quite young, I had some sort of Cabbage Patch Kids-adjacent doll. I carried it around the house, calling it my daughter. I think this alarmed my parents, as I was 7 years old at a time and this wasn’t something typical 7 year old boys did. Like most things I did as a child, I suppressed it when it became unacceptable, only to have it pop up in later life. 

I didn’t really give much thought to parenthood in my adult life until transition, admittedly. I was speaking with a friend about their kids, and afterwards, I had a very messy breakdown over the loss of that experience. In several ways, the world considers me unfit for motherhood. Biological essentialists say I’m perverting womanhood to have a child and teach them that I am their mother. My mental health and my financial dependence on the state means that I’m not fit to adopt a child, nor do I have the space to do so. And of course, my body will not create a life in the way I suddenly wanted to experience. 

The pain of realizing all that was very much akin to the pain of someone dying. It was like being made aware of a life I didn’t know I wanted, and then having it taken from me, all in the same realization. I have had to spend a lot of time coming to terms with it. And when I have opened up and spoken about it, I’m either mocked, or I’m told I should be grateful to be free of the trouble. 

When cis women who are able to have kids decide to have them anyway despite warnings of how difficult the experience will be, they’re applauded and supported and given space to experience those feelings. When I express that I want the same, I’m insane. And I’m honestly just so tired of having to justify it. 

I have found ways to be a mother to myself, in the absence of my actual mother. A huge drive in the desire to be someone’s mother figure is to be a better mom than my mom was. I carried my mother’s trauma all my life, and wasn’t allowed to hold boundaries or space for myself. Borderline and dissociative identity disorder are both challenges that carry beginnings in the treatment I experienced. Now that she’s gone, I’ve worked to be my own mother, to the figures in my head who have needed it. My 7 year old self, my lovely Coral, I have loved her even though she causes a lot of distress and pain. 

And so, I don’t need to be a mother as much as I once did, but the pain of loss is still there. The experiences I won’t have and the mourning I’ve done weighs so much. And I haven’t felt like I’ve been able to share that without someone trying to offer me alternatives, or talk me out of it entirely, as if I just don’t know how bad it could be. 

My mother was in labour with me for 17 hours. She had opted for natural childbirth early on in the process and by the time she felt enough pain to want to back out, they couldn’t give her the drugs. So she struggled. They offered to put her on a helicopter to a bigger hospital to maybe assist, and I’m pretty sure the swearing and throwing of things was interpreted as no, cause there I was, born in Tofino in the middle of a storm. She told me the story once, and then told me, in a rare moment of emotional clarity, that I was worth every second of her pain and every opportunity she gave up, just to have me. 

And I still cry, thinking about that, because it’s not like she didn’t know what was coming. But she thought it was worth it anyway. That I was worth it anyway. And that’s how I feel about the children I won’t ever bear. 

They’d have been worth it. 

III: Coping

Once upon a time, I hated myself for my appearance. I hated my thin, frail body, my tall forehead, my facial hair. I was deeply ashamed of my figure and would hide myself in oversized clothing and shirts/shorts when I went swimming. I hated how I was aging, looking more and more like my father, and looking old beyond my years due to the stress and strain of my life and it’s many masks. 

Today, I have the opposite relationship with my body, partly because I could transition, and partly by accepting the parts that aren’t perfect. There are parts of me I adore, like my curves, my thick and recovered head of hair, my eyes. And then there are parts I’ve accepted through radical self-love, such as my voice, my eyes (but in a different way), and my nose (something I rarely admit to having hated in the past). Overall, I’m in a really healthy place. 

However, some things haven’t been as easily let go, such as my longing to be somebody’s mom. I’m working on it, and Coral certainly helps me a lot, because helping her heal trauma from our shared childhood means she is having less meltdown responses to emotional stimuli. I feel proud of her, and the work I’ve done with her. But my invisible head child is pretty hard to explain to strangers, and it’s unfair to ask her to fill all of the emotional cavities I find in myself. That would make me more like my mother than I ever want to be. 

I don’t hate my body for what she is unable to do, but I feel a hole in my chest when I think of what she might have done. There are so many ways that I can be a mother figure, and some of those roads I’m already on in various ways. One of my challenges with borderline is how intense all emotions feel. When I think about not having a child, it hurts just as bad as losing a loved one. I can’t explain why. I think it’s similar to what happens when a cis woman loses a child in pregnancy, although I’m certain that saying so will cause more ire. I can imagine who they would be, how I would have been their friend and parent, what our family would have been like. Sometimes I see them in dreams. And then I wake up, and mourn again. And people tell me what I’m experiencing is insulting to them. 

If the world doesn’t go completely to hell, it’s entirely possible that within my lifetime, trans women will be able to have children via uterine transplants. This has already been done successfully but it’s still quite experimental. If it does go to hell, probably not, and either way, it won’t happen soon enough for me to take part in it. 

It’s going to take a long time to work through these emotions, learn how to cope with them, and direct some of them towards becoming a motherly figure in the ways I can be. But I doubt the ache I feel will ever go away. And I’m tired of pretending that it will, or not talking about it, to save the feelings of others. Motherly longing is part of a lot of trans women’s experiences, and coping requires recognition.

I need to make space to process and feel those things, but we need to make space as a society for trans women to feel these things without persecution, abuse, and belittling. Our womanhood, and our motherhood, matters just as much.

Photo of French Beach, BC, taken by me.

[ftm2bbw]

I have no idea if they're at all similar, but you know what would be kind of hot? Throwing your estrogen blockers and your lactation inducers into a big jar and shaking them up, mixing them up completely. Then, it's simply the luck of the draw whether you're taking one or the other. You'll never know which you've taken for sure. Leaving it up to chance as to whether you're staying on the path to manhood or being led astray, dragged backwards towards femininity.

Sadly they are very similar.

Obviously that just means someone needs to replace my testosterone injections with E and my blockers with progesterone pills instead. I’d still be none the wiser as my body was forcibly reverted…

[missjanjie]

i'm afab with pcos and am also on metformin. everything about the care given to people with pcos is lackluster, and it took me three years to be diagnosed with it despite many of the signs and symptoms, but i'm not special, there are so many people being failed by the healthcare system who should be getting diagnosed/treatment for it every single day. but i took progesterone for a while and it worked until it didn't. i definitely liked it more than metformin so if you can get it to work i recommend it!

it's nice to see someone who is comfortable talking about it. thank you.

the thing that’s frustrating about metformin is that it’s usually diabetes medication, so when new doctors see that i take it, they assume i have it and i have to go through the entire backstory. this isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with being diabetic, of course, but any overweight person (especially overweight afabs) know about fatphobia in the medical field. sometimes doctors don’t take me seriously until i tell them ive already had weight loss surgery and lost sixty pounds (if you just look at me without knowing my medical history, i just look like an average chubby girl). my endocrinologist is the worst about this and i will be actively looking for a new one in january

it’s that weird mix of fatphobia and misogyny that puts us in this position isn’t it lol. I tried spironolactone before (which makes sense as i see many trans women take it) but it did nothing for me. my cycle’s regular now, but the issue ive not been able to fix is my hirsutism which fucking sucks and sometimes triggers body dysmorphia, so im hoping, at least in theory, adding progesterone will help that. but idk so that’s why im hoping my gyno (a very lovely woman) can give me the info i need

i got diagnosed at 15 and i turn 27 in two weeks, so ive had time to get used to this, so im very happy i can help provide solidarity/reassurance/etc 💖

[draravinds]

IVF Treatment: How It Works and What to Expect

What is IVF?

IVF is known as in vitro fertilization, which refers to the process of combining sperm and egg outside the body. During IVF, doctors collect eggs from a woman’s ovaries and sperm from a man.

The sperm is then used to fertilize the egg in a laboratory. Once an embryo forms, it is transferred back into the woman’s uterus, where it can grow into a baby.

Why Do People Choose IVF?

Blocked or damaged fallopian tubes: These are the tubes that link the ovaries with the uterus. If these tubes are blocked or damaged, it can be difficult for sperm to reach the egg.

Low sperm count or poor sperm quality:  A man's sperm can sometimes be too weak to naturally fertilize an egg.

Ovulation disorders: It can be difficult to conceive when a woman does not release eggs on a regular basis.

Endometriosis: A disorder that damages the uterine lining, it can cause problems with pregnancy.

Genetic reasons: Couples may choose IVF to protect their children from genetic diseases.

How IVF Works: The Step-by-Step Process

1. Ovulation Stimulation

The first step in IVF is stimulating the woman’s ovaries to produce multiple eggs. Normally, a woman releases only one egg each month during her natural menstrual cycle. However, more eggs are needed to improve the chance of success during IVF.

Doctors provide hormone injections to stimulate the ovaries, causing them to generate many eggs together. This stage lasts about 8 to 14 days. The woman will have regular check-ups and ultrasound scans to monitor the growth of her eggs.

2. Egg Retrieval

Once the eggs have matured, the next step is to collect them from the ovaries. The doctor carefully takes the eggs from the ovaries with a small needle.

This procedure typically takes 20-30 minutes. After the eggs are collected, they are immediately taken to the laboratory for the next step.

3. Fertilization

The collected eggs are placed in a special dish, where they are mixed with sperm from the male partner or a sperm donor. There are two methods of fertilization:

Standard IVF: Natural fertilization takes place after the sperm and eggs have combined.

ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection): In this method, a single sperm is injected directly into the egg to help with fertilization. This technique is often used when the sperm count or quality is low.

After fertilization, the eggs become embryos. The doctors monitor the embryos in the lab for 3 to 5 days to check their development. 

4. Embryo Transfer

Once the embryos are ready, the healthiest embryo will be selected for transfer. The doctor uses a thin tube called a catheter to place the embryo into the woman’s uterus.

This procedure does not require anesthesia. After implantation, the embryo has to attach to the uterine lining and start growing into a baby. 

5. The Two-Week Wait

After the embryo transfer, there is a waiting period for two-weeks before a pregnancy test can be done. This is the most emotional part of the process for many couples.

During this time, the woman may be prescribed medications such as progesterone to help support the implantation process. 

What to Expect During IVF Treatment

IVF is a challenging procedure, and each person's experience will be a little different.

1. Emotional Ups and Downs

IVF can be an emotional process that includes both anxious or disappointing moments as well as moments of faith and expectation. It is normal to feel a mix of emotions during the process.

Many couples find it helpful to have a strong support system, whether it is family, friends, or a counselor.

2. Physical Side Effects

Some women may experience mild side effects from the hormone injections used during ovulation stimulation. Headaches, mood swings, breast tenderness, and bloating are common side effects.

In rare cases, a condition called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) may occur, which causes the ovaries to swell and can lead to discomfort. You need to get in touch with your doctor immediately if you have severe symptoms.

3. The Financial Cost

IVF can be costly, particularly if several cycles are needed. Part of the cost can be covered by health insurance in some countries, but it is important to confirm with your clinic and insurance company beforehand.

Some couples may also need to budget for additional expenses such as medications or genetic testing.

Success Rates and Factors Affecting IVF

A number of factors affect IVF success, including:

Age: Younger women typically have higher success rates with IVF because their eggs are healthier. The success rate is around 40% for women under 35, but it decreases as age increases.

Health: Factors such as body weight, lifestyle habits, and overall reproductive health can affect the chances of success.

Number of IVF cycles: IVF may not always be successful on the first try. Many couples need to go through multiple cycles before achieving a successful pregnancy.

Website : www.draravindsivf.com Contact : +91 9020122012 You Tube : https://www.youtube.com/@DrAravindsIVF

[menoplus0]

The Essential Guide to Menopause Supplements: Navigating Your Options

Understanding Menopause and Its Symptoms

Menopause typically occurs between the ages of 45 and 55, but it can happen earlier or later. It’s characterized by a decline in estrogen and progesterone levels, leading to a range of symptoms. These can vary widely in severity and duration. While some women experience mild symptoms, others find them significantly disruptive to daily life.

The Role of Supplements in Menopause Management

Menopause supplements are designed to alleviate symptoms by addressing hormonal imbalances and supporting overall well-being. Menopause Supplements These supplements often contain a mix of vitamins, minerals, and herbal ingredients known for their hormone-balancing properties. While they are not a cure, they can provide significant relief for many women.

Popular Menopause Supplements

Black Cohosh: One of the most well-known herbal remedies for menopause, Black Cohosh is often used to reduce hot flashes and night sweats. It’s believed to mimic the effects of estrogen in the body, which can help stabilize mood swings and improve sleep quality.

Red Clover: Rich in phytoestrogens, Red Clover can also mimic estrogen and may help reduce the frequency and intensity of hot flashes. It’s a popular choice for women looking for a natural way to balance hormones.

Dong Quai: Often referred to as the "female ginseng," Dong Quai is used in traditional Chinese medicine to support female reproductive health. It’s thought to help with hot flashes, mood swings, and menstrual irregularities during perimenopause.

Soy Isoflavones: Found in soy products, isoflavones are a type of phytoestrogen that can help balance hormone levels. Regular consumption of soy isoflavones may lead to a reduction in hot flashes and an improvement in bone health.

Vitamin D and Calcium: As estrogen levels drop, women become more susceptible to osteoporosis. Vitamin D and calcium are essential for maintaining bone health. These supplements are crucial for preventing bone loss and fractures during and after menopause.

Evening Primrose Oil: Rich in gamma-linolenic acid (GLA), Evening Primrose Oil is used to help with hot flashes and breast tenderness. It’s also known for its anti-inflammatory properties, which can benefit overall health.

Maca Root: A lesser-known supplement, Maca Root is believed to support hormonal balance, increase energy levels, and reduce symptoms like hot flashes and low libido. Dry Vaginal Cream It’s often used by women seeking a natural boost in vitality during menopause.

Choosing the Right Supplement

When selecting a menopause supplement, it's essential to consider your specific symptoms and overall health. Some women may benefit from a combination of supplements, while others may find relief with just one. It’s also important to consult with a healthcare provider before starting any new supplement, especially if you have underlying health conditions or are taking other medications.