#but a happy-ish one tho???
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in other positive news guys. I cut my hair again 😇
here's a little peeky at it
#delete later#yapping#left is obv before right is after.#its been 2-ish? months since i last cut it. its grown out soo much 😭😭#i like to aim for a mullet even tho it never ends up looking like one LMFAO#started out the haircut telling myself to trust the process and im kinda glad i did. it looks pretty okay ish.#i def think it needs to grow out tho. maybe ill tweak it tmmrw???? idk i have to go to an event on sunday so maybe not SJJDSN#...realizing what im doing after writing that last txt post. went from sad to happy/humorous in a matter of seconds. i feel sick. unhappy :)#< sorry sdjnsjd
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it happened again lmao 👍
#doodles#sona#ladies and flowerfellows. i got old lmfshvbg#i've been forgetting all day but i am talking abt it now. i got OLD(er)#i asked for an mp3 player so i am waiting :3#i love our local radio stations but i love my own music more. i'm so sorry local-ish radio station <//3#/i need to find more ways to dodge the sentence 'today's my birthday'#'time is sliding by and did Not forget to pick me up on the way'#'VIP timeline member'#'i didn't get a warranty on this thing and i think it would have expired a long time ago anyway'#'i am like the cheese. usually in a building. and aging'#<- that one's not subtle enough but i'll figure it out hbhfvs#i like being vague abt it hfhvbs - 'every day i attempt to get closer to my parent's level of fermentation and fail. but this year-'#these are good i like these lollll#//YEA THO. cool stuff hbfsh :3#happy birthdayyy to youuuu even if it's not your birthday today happy birthdaaaay !!! !!!#woohoo! ! i'm gonna walk in circles now hbfhs toooodles
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When the blending brushes I use won't cooperate with me so I'm just AUGH! But then I noticed that This Specific Part I couldn't blend at all looks better with rougher edges so I'm fine again.
#aria rants#i dont actually know how to blend things but i have three different brushes that can blend anyway#unreliable tho cuz the original colours from the layer i clipped end up getting blended along with the ones i Want to blend#and it just ends up lookin okay-ish if the colour is darker or Horrible if its lighter#so i mostly use those brushes to soften the edges if airbrush itself cant give the illusion of soft edges#but anyway am actually happy it didnt cooperate with me for This Specific Part cuz it looks like a gaping wound now#which is such a vibe that fits the piece and i like it! exactly smth i didnt know i needed until now!
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第十五回 「おごれる者たち」
#柄本佑#tasuku emoto#光る君へ#hikaru kimi e#1x15#made by me#fujiwara no michinaga#藤原道長#I know he's up to SOMETHING but the first scene is really fucking moving#the way he told michikane there's no need to be the fall guy anymore😭😭😭the soft 'aniue. I want you to be happy'. how I screamed.#and when he said that father's not with them anymore his eyes seem tearing up a little...just kill me pls#he swallowed and his adam's apple rolling..ughhhhh#also the last one he stared at sadaijin-sama's hand for a beat#I wonder if he ever thought about how he didn't get to do this with Kaneie😔#bc kaneie is that kind of fucking domineering guy who valued vanity & dignity too much to die as an ordinary man#the archery scene is A++#and I feel like he's sort of back to being Saburo after that scene like. saying it was childish to beef with his nephew#this is such a Saburo thing to say. something harmless and self-mocking. sometimes white lies#but dude you're dark as fuck. the last shot w the 'I'm gonna be Kanpaku' statement? scare the shit out of me#I'm gLAD michitaka stopped him😱#anyway they're just two dark souls atp#michikane wants to kill his older brother and michinaga's gonna keep him on a leash and let him be the fall guy like kaneie told him to#man...dairi is so fucked up. hardest place to survive#I get that it's the same with the forbidden city in my culture but still. this is way too dark#p.s. the 9th one's funny to me bc Tasuku-san's knuckles...like those are boxing knuckles! so out of time & place😂#(kaneie's out there somewhere in the stars and I still can't stop talking about him lol. I miss him :( )#(do I even believe that he's up not down? maybe. he did become a monk b4 he died.)#I've no problem with heavy power intrigue plots tho I've seen Tasuku implying his scenes lately were all about power struggles in dairi#I mean I do care about the mahiro storyline but the godfather -ish shit is just better
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Working on some designs for one of my oldest OCs, “Cure” (Patreon)
I also managed to track down some of her initial concept sketches from 2018 - why 2018 considering I called her one of my oldest OCs?
Well, her design has always been rather elusive, even more so since she spent so much time in my head without being brought to paper - even these sketches make mention of it!
Pretty sure she got “Cure” in 2018 too - starting to take form!
#Doodles#Original#The quotes are very intentional lol#As stated under the cut I started designing her in 2018 but she's existed since around 2007-ish? Latest would be 2010#Part of her having such a range of uncertainty is that it took me many many years to consider putting her to paper!#She might've existed in 2007 but there's no record! She might've existed in 2010 but no record! I don't think I even wrote about her#She was a completely mentally-extant OC for many many many years#Partially because at the time I had just started drawing and knew I wouldn't be able to put down what was in my head to physicality#And then the longer she stayed in my head the more she became that kind of mental kaleidoscope ever-shifting impossible-to-draw design#But screw that! I have a few years of doodling under my belt now! Even if I can't get her quite right I can at least make an attempt!#It's especially funny because outwardly she is meant to be a pretty generic teddy bear lol - not Exactly but more like the vibe of one#Round and plush and innocent - innocuous#And really she's not like Nefarious or anything lol - she's not what she seems but she also is?? It's hard to explain lol#A lot of it does still come down to subtleties so it actually is still hard to capture but it'll only keep getting harder the longer I wait!#So at least pinning down Some things about her design that I'm happy with and can refer to helps the me down the line haha#The first one is actually pretty close! It's always a coin flip on whether the first one is a disaster or nails it haha#The heart ears and straight body are pretty good tho I gotta say#And honestly it was the little lace-ribbon bracelet that was the deciding factor for me to try drawing her again haha#I had an idea I thought was silly but to do it I needed a design to work with!#Getting there getting there - every little bit closer
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Here have another grian au with some good old fanart.
uh, good luck actually translating the au description?
yeah i memorised it for fun in 8th grade, don't worry, definitely not mentally stable
his alignment is chaotic lawful - he follows the rules. his rules. his own loopholes to his own rules. no one has any idea what his morals are.
#my art#grian#hermitcraft#grian fanart#hermitcraft fanart#hermitcraft au#grian au#grian angst#yes there's angst in the description. what did you expect#happiness?#hes got a nice family this time tho#they think hes dead but they're nice :)#watcher grian#technically ish#watcher grian fanart#also technically ish#it counts with more context#i ran out of page on my paper#that one long note in top right corner gives a littl ebit of the context#and no im not translating any of this for you#(i lied just ask nicely lol#mcyt fanart#mcyt#digital art#also did this on my school computer lol#didnt feel like grabbing by entire drawing tablet to use my computer#minecraft galactic#fanart
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brennan revealing that if cumulous had died in the sugar-plum fairy battle he would've brought back lapin has absolutely ruined me i wish he never said it. now i'm even more mad that lapin died so early
#coming out as a lapin lover to no one's surprise#im not hating on cumulous or anything btw. he is a weird little man and i am obsessed with him#but i'm still soooo fucking sad abt lapin's death the church battle would've been so drastically different if he hadn't#his reunion(ish) with liam in ep.15 made me so happy tho :') everyone say thank u brennan#a crown of candy#a crown of candy spoilers#i guess#rambles#my posts
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thinking abt these photos from october again… man o(-(
#don’t mind me#i am just thinking abt cons </3#i’m so excited to go to one in like… two ish months!! but i miss this one </3#the vibes were so fun#also bc i’m thinking abt the updates i want to do#and so i’m looking at these photos to remember what the outfit currently looks like#also i am experiencing The Sad tonight and these photos make me happy#the rat crafts#🐀#i always clarify this even tho this is just me experiencing nostalgia (ish) but the cosplay is of hc s4 phil. not other phil’s#but i’m not tagging bc i don’t feel like it
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Today was … chaotic morning (trains?? Buses?? Don’t know them!) but once I finally got to my destination, it was nothing but FUN!! I’m so happy!! I got to catch up with my beloved friend again, we went for a drive! Got to eat Spanish and ricotta scroll thingie (from bakery, nothing fancy lol) and stocked up on tasty jasmine tea Woolworths was sadly throwing out for ???? reason! TT
I finally got around to buying some MUCH NEEDED new shoes- locals, lemme tell you; big w. BIG W IS THE MOST AMAZING AND CHEAP STORE!! If you have one, absolutely check it out!
Got to pick up my new glasses too~ friend works in optometrist so I got friend discount too haha, tysm <3
I just got home now and aaa ,, I AM this emoji; 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
#personalish#Kanna rambles#I’m so happy tho fr#these new glasses are so cute !! I’m wearing the round ones rn and aaa I’m in love 🥰#I was wearing the square-ish ones earlier! they’re very cool and turn into sunglasses! 😎#glasses#specsavers#lol#big w#casual free endorsement for Australian stores 😂👍
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ryiji is si vute
#hello tumblr#I've been driving all day yesterday and im gonna have to drive all day(?) ish today#its alright tho#i saw a possum#it was so cute i love that thing#unfortunately though i wont be able to dm my friends or make funny posts#so I'm taking the opportunity to right now to say ohhh ryoji 😔#aigis ryoji and minato are like kind of the blueprint trio#them or the royal trio pick your poison#they're awesome because one wants to hang out with the other so fucking much#the other is actively avoiding that person#and the third wants the weirdo who wants to talk to her friend to stay away#lfg aigis u are awesomd#and so very sweet and cute#I'm so happy that possums are real animals.#mikutimetalk
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ive now had two different guys get into serious relationships immediately after rejecting me. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice!
#neither were recent events ive just gotten new information recently lol#whats worse is the more recent-ish one was extremely nice abt it and is still completely friendly with me#he was basically like 'im so busy with life i dont have time to think abt a relationship rn. thanks tho' like ok. reasonable and fine#then he went and got into a relationship with his longtime best friend lmao#like ... in a way it's nice to see myself as a catalyst that pushed ppl into big changes that would actually make them happy#but i hate being lied to like a child lmao. just be honest and say u dont like me. say it in a non-hurtful way and i wont hate u#it's just that simple#and also when do i get to be happy lmaooooooooo
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I accidentally dropped some water on one of the pages of my Maddie and Godzilla comic
Oh well!! I'm gonna see if it dries anddd redo it in the worst case scenario
#gonna try to save one of the drawings of it tho bc the bottom one with goji i was really happy with HDJDJXJXXJXJZJ#either ill cut it snd glue on the new (and improved) page or try to copy it to another page#ive had a similar-ish thing happen in the past and the page recovered so we'll see#puffy talks#at least it wasnt colored yet#which wouldve been waaaaay worse rip
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Been missing one of my favourite white shirts 4 a while and just kinda assumed it was lost in the wash and gave up. Today saw it hanging up alongside the other cleaning rags. Ive gotten over it but like. Fucking seriously???? They turned it into a fuckin rag w/o even asking me
#day thoughts#whatever#im sitting in the garden atleast#and its sunny ish#and#god i feel so fucking like pissed tho 4 no reason like seein my shirt is just another fuckin drop in an already overflowin cup#think i just need to be around jack but hes not around rn#one day when my parents die i will be so happy
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another is so silly i really love it
#the only thing i hate about it is how small the mouths are drawn adfga#they really did make up for it in the last two eps tho#like.#besides the suspense and cliffhanger-ish nature of it all#(like come on already!! i must know if my intuition was right about who is the extra student!!)#((my silly self was indeed right about it hell yeagh!!))#the regular sized mouths AND badass facial expressions FU.CKING SLAYED in the last two eps#and the plot is just as neat! really loved the way they played a bit with names and stuff#still won't forget em for killing my girl sanae mizuno so soon <\3#i get that they maybe wanted to like. better accentuate some info that's just been revealed to us regarding the nature of the deaths#but couldn't they just. idk-#kill someone else off? or draw attention to the deaths from ep 3?#sniff sniff...#'why do so many sillies i like keep dying :(((' girl you're watching the people are gonna die in (almost) each episode anime#what the hell did you expect-#<- me to me as soon as people started dying#speaking of which. the ways some silly died were creative. sorta#watching some death scenes made me thinkies of happy tree friends asdfaga-#i guess besides the umbrella one. all deaths scenes in the anime have an equivalent in htf#anyway.#silly stuff#it would have been so neat if a silly goofy dance scene were to actually happen in class instead of it being a dream#still sucks i can barely find anything when looking through related tags augh <\3#anyway. gonna try to watch wonder egg priority before the mental illions get to me wooooo!!!
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just saw a neat little trio of sweden’s best bands live
#my phone died during the very last song lol but now i’m on the train and charging it again#it’s the sounds + mando diao + the hives btw and they were all really big in the 2000s which is when i started listening to them#so it was a very nostalgic experience even tho they all played a lot of new songs too#i’m so happy theyre all touring together bc they are really the top three bands from here imo (that are still active anyway)#sounds are from my neck of the woods and make indie rock/neo punk/new wave ish music and have such a fun and charismatic frontwoman#md have a very old school rock sound w influences from 60s garage and rnb. theyre super OG for me bc i heard their music when i was like 9#(ode to ochrasy album) and was like wow. this is music. this is the music i like#theyve dabbled in other styles since then and keep being p high quality but their og sound has a special place in my heart#hives def have the biggest cult following and are the oldest of the three i believe#they have a very high energy garage/punk sound and are more of a concept band than the other two w lore and stage names and all#all were great live (didn’t expect less) but the hives were obv the headliners and put on the biggest show#i always arrive early to concerts to queue so that i don’t have to stand super far away but i arrived there only an hour before#the gates were supposed to open (which was at five - then the show started at 6:30) and there was no one there???#i thought i couldn’t find the entrance so i walked around the whole area LOL but then i asked someone and turns out i was right at first#and there were only like 5 people there so when i entered i got right on up there yknow lol#at the railing at the front… wtf. was very surprised by this#and tbh it’s not something i want bc i’m afraid theyll ask me to sing during the audience interaction bits lmao#so i placed myself right behind a little lady so i had an excellent view of the stage#all of them def saw me. i take photos and film a little every now and then bc i’m obsessed with creating tangible memories which felt a bit#awkward i guess. but it was so cool to stand so close… howlin pelle of the hives grabbed my hand and also stood on the railing right in#front of me twice. but i was so taken aback i didnt take any pics of that lol#and i got lots of smiles from both maja of the sounds and björn of mando diao :)#actually björn noticed my retro sunglasses wearing ass dancing my heart out when they came out and smiled and nodded at me :)#there were a lots of people just standing there not committing so i at least tried to give some energy back#anyway i was exhausted this morning but now after standing and dancing for 7+ hours i still feel energetic
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