#but I would get tested and everything was normal

[rekino2114]

Yoru x male reader scenarios

A/n:I really liked doing the death post, so I decided to do one for all of the horsemen...probably. also, just to clarify, asa is in here too, and you are also in a relationship with her, these scenarios are just mostly yoru centric

"Holy shit! Is that real?"

Yoru gasped and excitedly grabbed your hand and ran over to one of the tanks in display. she barely took notice of the red rope around the display and started inspecting the tank from as close as she physically could

"Well it's on display so I assume so"

"This is a soviet is-3 model it was produced near the end of the war to be an improved version of the is-2 which was made as a counter to the german's more advanced tanks, did you know it's the main inspiration for most post-war tank designs?"

"......that's.......nice to know"

"......how do you know that?"

"Why shouldn't i? I know basically everything about the wars you humans had, they're what gives me power after all, plus they're so entertaining to watch"

"...and you never helped me in a history test?"

"You never asked"

"If I had known you'd be this into it I would have brought you to a war museum earlier"

"What do you mean?"

"This is the first time I've seen you so excited for anything human....or to be honest anything that isn't killing humans or destruction, you look like asa when we went to the aquarium for the first time"

Yoru blushed and looked away embarrassed

"D-don't compare me to her, we're nothing alike!"

"You're going around spouting random facts and looking and pointing at everything, that's literally the same thing asa did, the only difference is you're talking about world war two and not marine life"

".................."

"I can't say he's wrong, even if it does feel kinda weird being compared to you"

"That's my line!"

"Anyway its nice"

"Huh?"

"I like seeing you happy and talking about something you're interested in..........even if that thing is war"

Yoru blushed even more and turned around, trying to hide her red face. However, you could see a small smile forming on her face

"........t-thanks I guess"

"It's nothing, should we keep going?"

"......yeah"

Basically as soon as you continued your walk yoru pointed at a uniform on display

"It's an actual Japanese war general uniform! Can I wear it?"

".........no"

"What? Why?"

"It's on display for a reason, you can't just wear it, you'll get in trouble"

"Tch, who cares about that? As if humans rules can stop me!"

"..............."

".......fine"

"Oi asa, what are those two doing?"

"Hm?"

Asa looked up from her phone and saw two kids playing with beetles on a nearby bench in the park

"Oh they're probably beetle fighting"

"........beetle fighting?"

"It's something some kids do around this time of the year in thiw country, they catch beetles and make them fight with each other"

"....so human children enjoy making lesser species battle each other for their entertainment"

".......how did you make a children's game sound like torture?"

"Sounds fun, can I play too?"

"Ugh, sure I guess do whatever you want, I'm not playing with you though"

"Like I'd ask you in the first place, I'm calling y/n I'll have way more fun with him anyway"

".............."

Yoru did end up calling you and telling you she wanted to play beetle fighting with you. You agreed cause it was rare for her to play a relatively normal game with you and so asa let her take control of the body while she went to catch a beetle, you did the same just picking up the first one that you saw

You waited for yoru at the place you agreed on for quite a bit, it seemed like she took quite a bit of time to pick her beetle

"I'm here!"

You saw her run towards you holding something in her hands

"Hey no peeking! I've trained Hannibal to be the best soldier possible, he'll destroy your beetle!"

".......you named your beetle?"

".......you didn't?"

"You're really getting into this"

"S-shut up! Let's fight now!"

You placed your beetle in the improvised arena made out of a tree stump, and yoru did the same. You looked at her beetle and saw it had something very........peculiar on top of its head

".....yoru....I am going to ask this in the calmest way possible.....but why the fuck does your beetle have a cannon on its head!?"

"Isn't it obvious? I had to make the perfect war machine so I just turned a random small bug in a cannon and put it on Hannibal"

"...You're taking this way too seriously"

"Shut up I'm gonna win this battle"

"It's a children's game"

"Who cares? Just start fighting before I make you forfeit"

"Well.....I can't just make them fight you know?"

".........huh?"

Yoru looked down to see that the beetles were not fighting but just kinda......lounging around not doing anything

"See?"

"....HANNIBAL! FIGHT!"

Her yell resulted in absolutely nothing as the beetles continued to not do anything

"You're a soldier! You need to obey me! DESTROY YOUR ENEMY!"

".....please calm down yoru"

Ironically not only did Hannibal not move but your own beetle started moving towards it and throwing it outside of the ring with its mandibles

"..h-huh? What!?"

"Oh....guess I won"

Yoru looked so dejected and shocked that she kicked the tree causing asa to get hurt in the meantime

"H-hey what's that for? Remember that's my body!"

"Shut up!"

You approached her and put your hand on her shoulder

".....would eating ice cream while cuddling help you feel better"

".......yes"

These next two ideas were given to me by: @michaelaftonhasjoinedthechat yes again, he has given me a lot of ideas for posts like this. Thanks so much man

"Hey asa, I don't mean to intrude but...what is that?"

It had been a while since you had been inside your girlfriend's room and as you entered you noticed something you hadn't seen before, some pictures of you two on dates hung up on a wall of the room

"O-oh that?....t-this is kinda embarrassing but I kinda like to put up polaroids of dates we go to on this wall. It's for the memories b-but I'll stop it if you don't want to"

"No don't worry I love it, it's really cute"

Asa blushed but smiled at you

"T-thank you"

"So.....do you wanna show me?"

"H-huh? You mean the wall?"

"Yeah of course"

"....oh...sure"

Asa was surprisingly by your enthusiasm but happily started to show you all the different photos of you two

"This is of our first aquarium date, and this is when we went to that cat cafe a-and this is one of my favorite it's when-"

In the middle of her explanation, asa's head fell down. You tried to shake her shoulder to help, but before you could touch her, she grabbed your hand and raised her while opening her eyes.....well they were red and had rings on them so they clearly weren't hers anymore

"Yo"

"Hi yoru, what's up?"

"I was watching asa show you all these pointless pictures and that reminded me I wanted to show you something similar too"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah look"

She got up and went towards asa's closet, opened it, and tossed out all of her clothes to reveal that on the wall of the wardrobe there were a lot of pictures of you two on dates too, just like with asa's wall only this ones looked......different

All of the pictures weren't held up by pins or tape but by knives and different types of small swords and blades, in the middle of all of them there was a specific photo, a selfie of you two holding peace signs while yoru stuck her tongue out with a bloody sword in her hand and an almost unrecognizable form in the background surrounded by the same blood. The picture was labeled "first time defending y/n from a devil" and it was completely surrounded by an array of small knives arranged in a heart shape

"So what do you think of it?"

".......it.......definitely shows your personality"

"Right, it's nothing like asa's basic stuff, do you like it?"

You looked at her, seeing her smile so brightly looking at your pictures was cute in a way, you knew her way to show love was.. particular to say the least but it was still love so you just put your concerns away and smiled at her

"Y-yeah I love it"

"I knew it, my wall is way better than asa's right?"

"You know I never answer stuff like that, I love both of you and whatever you do equally"

"You say that but I know I'm your favorite, there's no harm in admitting it, asa won't hear you anyway"

"....whatever"

A few hours after you left asa decided to go to sleep and so she went to open the closet to put on her pajamas....only to...see what was there

"YORU!"

"What is it now?"

"What the hell is that wall?"

"It's the same thing you have, what? You jealous cause mine is way better?"

"No, yours looks like a serial killer stalking her next victim, it seems like you want to kill y/n!"

"Hey don't even joke about that! You know I'd never"

"Y-yeah but you see the issue right?"

"What issues?"

"The knives for instance!"

"......I don't see the problem"

"...........I should have expected this"

"Hehe you're so cute"

The dog you were petting barked happily causing you to smile even more

"Awww you really are adorable, do you want a treat?"

It barked again and started panting

"Oh looks like you do!"

You started to dig through your bag looking for your sandwich

"This is supposed to be my school lunch but I don't mind giving some to you with how cute you're being"

You grabbed a piece of meat from your sandwich and fed it to the dog all while continuing to pet its fur

"There you go! Good boy, you're enjoying it aren't you?"

As the dog continued to eat while you looked at it yoru approached the two of you with a confused expression

"What are you doing?"

"Oh I just found this dog outside and I thought it was too adorable to just leave it alone, isn't it so cute?"

Yoru smirked and got even closer

"I can make it even cuter"

"Oh wha-"

To your immense shock yoru touched the dog and proceeded to turn it into an hammer, she looked it over for a while before smiling back at you

"See? Isn't it way better now? Bet I can use it to kill some pretty strong devil now"

"................."

"Hm? What's wrong y/n? You look weird"

"..............."

You knew yoru was.....unstable at best but you thought she at least learned that turning random people/animals into weapons was wrong, but you also knew just how patient you had to be with her so you just sighed and decided to let it go for now

".....i-.......it's cool yoru"

"Heh! I knew you'd say that, wanna go on a date now? I miss you"

"A-actually I think I'd prefer to go back home I.......I need to think"

Yoru raised her eyebrows at you. You didn't usually refuse going on dates with her or asa, but before she could protest, you were already on your way home

"Huh......I wonder what's up with him?"

"........you seriously don't get it?"

"Why would I? It's not like it's my fault"

"YES! YES IT IS!"

"Eh!? Why?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe cause you turned the dog he was playing with into an hammer right in front of his eyes for no reason!?"

".........I thought it was cool"

"Maybe you should learn that most stuff you think is cool is actually very weird and terrifying for humans"

"But y/n said it was cool too"

"Cause he obviously didn't want to upset you *sighs* and now I'm gonna have to apologize to him too cause you don't know how to do that"

"Hey I know how to apologize!"

"Then do that, go to him and sincerely say you're sorry"

".........I still don't understand what I did wrong"

"YOU TURNED THAT DOG INTO A WEAPON! and thank goodness it was a dog because I don't know what I would have done with you if it was a cat"

"Who cares? I'll just go to y/n say sorry and everything will be fine"

"...........I genuinely don't understand how y/n can love you too"

"OK yoru it's your turn"

Asa let yoru take control of her body as she looked down at the board that resembled a map of the world on the table in front of her

".........I don't get it, what do I have to do?"

"*sighs* of course you don't, you didn't listen while I explained the rules"

"You seriously think I'm listening to you talk about that for hours?"

"It took like 15 minutes max, plus you told us you knew how to play"

"Well it's a war game, i should be a natural"

"That's....not how that works"

At that point you decided to intervene

"I might not hear what asa is saying but I know you well enough to understand you're arguing, so can you please at least tone it down for game night? I specifically chose this game because I thought yoru would like it and asa can play too if she lets yoru out during her turns, so I just want a calm game session, can you please calm down?"

"....are you hearing him yoru?"

"It's not like you were any better"

"Just shut up and play"

"Fine.....for y/n, so what do I have to do?"

"Well you have all your troops so choose someone to attack and roll the dices"

"I'll attack asa"

"Eh!? Why? Y/n has way less troops than me in this area, why are you attacking me?"

"No way I'm attacking y/n, we're in an alliance"

"That's.......not how it works"

"Huh?"

"You....can't make alliances in this game"

"What? Then we're enemies?"

"......yes"

Yoru got closer to you and whispered in your ear

"Hey y/n, let's team up to destroy asa, then we can rule the world together, we'll split up all the territories between us and become rulers of everything"

"......you know I can hear you right?"

"Shut up you"

"Yoru.......I'm not starting a military dictatorship with you.....it's against the rules"

"Fine, fine......let me know if you change your mind though"

".....just play the game"

"OK, so I'll attack asa"

"......Of course you do"

"I just need to throw the dices right?"

"Yeah, if you get a higher number than asa then you get her territory and if you roll lower then all your troops get destroyed"

"Got it"

Yoru grabbed the dices and threw them on the table, they rolled for a bit before landing on.......double ones

"Ohhh looks like you got snake eyes, I'm sorry"

"Huh? Snake eyes? The hell does that mean?"

"You got double ones so......you lost"

Yoru widened her eyes and looked between the dices and you

"WHAT!? How? Asa didn't even roll yet!"

"In case of a tie the defending country always wins, so even if I do roll two ones too......you still lost'

"........I......lost.....at a war game? No way, you definitely cheated asa!"

"HOW WOULD I HAVE CHEATED!?"

"I don't know but you definitely did"

They continued to argue as you looked at them and sighed lowering your head

"...so much for a relaxing game session"

[ephemeralp1eces]

You Don’t Have to Choose if No One Makes You - Part XIII

Summary: As the race week progresses, Oscar decides to be the first to test your new agreement. He wants you all to himself, and Lando can’t say no.

What to Know: Oscar x reader, smut

wc; 6,800

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII

It was Oscar who asked.

No pressure, no drama, just a quiet invitation on a quiet night, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Come to my room?”

I blinked, coffee halfway to my lips. We were still in Austin, still on team time, still pretending, mostly. Lando was due back any second from a meeting, and the moment already felt heavy, even though it wasn’t meant to.

Oscar held my gaze. “Just you.”

I looked at him for a beat too long. Then nodded.

—

Lando didn’t flinch when I told him.

He came back, flopped on the hotel bed, and asked if we wanted to order room service later. He made a joke about not being invited, like it was nothing.

“Enjoy him,” he said, grinning.

And then, softer, “Just come back.”

I smiled. “Always.”

—

Oscar’s room was neater than I expected.

Bed made. Bottles lined in a perfect row on the counter. His hoodie draped over the chair, folded more than dropped. The curtains were drawn halfway, warm streetlight leaking in.

He didn’t try anything right away.

Just pulled me to the bed, let me lie against his chest while the TV played quietly in the background. We didn’t speak for a while. I felt the slow rhythm of his breathing under my ear, the solid weight of his arm around my shoulders.

It felt good. Simple. Quiet. I liked it.

Then he said, “It’s nice. Like this.”

I turned my head. “Just us?”

He nodded. “Not because I don’t want him around. But because I want you like this. Closer.”

“You already get me close.”

“Yeah, but this- ” he tilted my chin toward him “this feels different.”

It did.

—

The first kiss that night wasn’t frenzied. It wasn’t needy. It was slow, like he wanted to memorize it.

He kissed me over and over, like each time meant something separate.

When he touched me, it was unhurried; fingers at the hem of my shirt, ghosting over skin, patient.

When he undressed me, he didn’t just peel layers away. He watched. Like he hadn’t had me before. Like he wanted to rediscover it.

—

We didn’t rush the first time.

Oscar laid me back on the bed, his body between mine, mouth against my collarbone, then lower. He took his time. Tasting. Teasing. Fingertips grazing my hips while he kissed down my stomach.

His mouth found me slowly, like he was relearning what I liked, how I sounded when he got it just right. I tangled my hands in his hair and arched into his mouth, and he moaned against me like he was the one overwhelmed.

“You’re so responsive tonight,” he murmured, voice low. “Like you’re giving me everything.”

“I am,” I whispered.

When he slid inside, he paused there. Deep, still - and kissed me like he couldn’t help it.

I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer, and he moved slowly at first, then faster, the room full of soft gasps and murmurs and the subtle slap of skin against skin.

When I came, he whispered my name into my neck, like it undid him too.

He didn’t finish right away.

He pulled out, breathless, and pulled me into his lap instead, lifting me so I could sink down onto him with a soft cry.

He held my waist, his forehead resting against mine, and watched me.

That was how he came; buried deep, holding eye contact, a soft groan against my lips.

It was different. Tender. Focused. Maybe a little selfish in the best way. Like he wanted this version of me to himself, even if it was just once.

—

He held me after, not talking much. And he didn’t ask for more. Not that I would have minded if he did. His hand stayed on my back while I drifted to sleep on his chest.

In the morning, he woke me up with a slow kiss, breakfast already ordered, and one soft sentence:

“You don’t have to say anything. But, thanks.”

I smiled. “For what?”

“For letting it be just us.”

—

I made it back to my room before anyone could see. About an hour later I received a text from Lando.

Lando - 10:42am

Was it good?

I bit my lip before replying.

You really want to know?

Lando - 10:46am

No

But also yeah

Kinda

I couldn’t help but smile a bit.

Yeah.

It was.

Lando - 10:51am

Sick

I kind of missed you

Me - 10:53am

That’s allowed

Lando - 10:54am

Still want to do this tho

Me - 10:58am

But?

Lando - 11:00am

I’m not mad

Just

human?

Me - 11:04am

I figured

Me - 11:06am

Just remember

It’ll always be the three of us

Even when it’s not

He didn’t text back after that, probably busy, hopefully satisfied, and I didn’t have enough time to worry about it, at least for now.

[mellowmadds]

Backseat Heartbreak | Derrick Smart

Derrick Smart/Female Reader

Summary: Derrick had a reputation for jumping from girl to girl but that didn’t stop most from getting a small taste of what he had to offer.

Warnings: Smut & Heartbreak

Word Count: 709

͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Derrick Smart… charming, athletic, good-looking, and an overall smartass. He was someone who didn’t care for others and would often break hearts without even knowing he did. Like his father once said Derrick was a slut which wasn’t the most reputable thing to be known for but girls were attracted by that and so this is how you got stuck in this awful situation that eventually led to you getting your heart broken, but he didn’t care.

“Derrick I think you’ve had enough to drink” y/n laughed as she laid down in the back of Derrick's car.

“And you haven’t had enough, loosen up a little” Derrick joked putting down yet another can of beer.

Y/n didn’t reply and only gave him a smile back because she had to admit she was a little tipsy, but she didn’t mind. Derrick took this opportunity to lean into her to test the waters and kiss her first to see if she was comfortable enough.

“You can” y/n stated as she took Derrick’s jacket off before continuing to kiss him some more.

Derrick got on top of her, taking off her shirt first followed by the rest of her clothes before undoing his belt and tossing it to the side. Y/n pulled his shirt off and so Derrick pulled his jeans down as he leaned down into her softly pinning her against the blankets in the backseat.

One thing led to another which resulted in the car windows fogging up followed by y/n’s soft quiet moans.

“Keep going derrick” y/n quietly begged as she gently tugged on his curly brown hair before dropping her arms down to his shoulders looking for something to hold onto.

“You feel so good” Derrick mumbled as one of his hands held the back of your head gently pulling on your hair.

“Not gonna last much longer” He spoke again leaning further into her body as his thrusts became sloppier and uncoordinated.

Derrick came quicker than expected but that's how things were he was always only there to please himself not others. Y/n didn’t mind though, he was hot and she was lucky he even chose her. Derrick rolled back over putting his clothes back on.

“You gonna to get dressed?” Derrick asked, zipping up his jeans and looping his belt around his waist.

“Yeah… sorry” y/n softly responded tiredly before putting her shirt back on and pulling up her skirt.

“I gotta drop you off and meet my parents at their stupid theater production” Derrick hated everything about his family and life and so that reflected upon the type of person he was. He did a really good job at hiding his true feelings so nobody knew just how much the boy was hurting on the inside.

“I didn’t know your parents put on theater productions?” y/n spoke softly, joining him in the front seat as he started the car.

“I don’t really talk about it much, I’m embarrassed by my parents and little brother” Derrick admitted.

Derrick never spoke about anything serious and this was the only thing you could get him to reveal since the conversation went back to being normal and boring. The next thing you knew he was dropping you off in front of your house.

“I had a good time tonight Derrick” you told him as you pulled his jacket tighter around your body. He never gave any of his jackets or sweatshirts to his other hookups so the thought of you being different excited you a little bit.

“Maybe we could do this again?” y/n asked softly.

“Maybe” Derrick shrugged as if it was nothing. They said their goodbyes and y/n slowly walked into her house thinking about what she had just done.

A couple of weeks had passed and Derrick had only spoken to you a few times. It was lunch break at school when suddenly you spotted Derrick flirting with some girl and eventually asking her to ditch with him as the two of them headed towards Derrick's car.

You had him all figured out, first he charmed the girls with his good looks and athletic build and then broke their hearts like the smartass he was.

[witherby]

i want to hear more mouse headcanons

-🧜‍♂️

Yeah okay

Can drink a whole water bottle in less than four seconds (this horrifies everyone that witnesses it)

Failed their driving test several times. They're exceptionally bad at parallel parking but can do everything else just fine.

Prefers silver jewelry to gold

Still bites Bruce just to see him jump and complain

Can turn poorly if out in the sun for too long due to the nature of their powers

Modified the designs for their family's vigilante costumes because they thought they looked a little boring. Jason's leather jacket is now 3/4 length sleeves, dark brown instead of tan, and cropped. Dick's blue stripes go down his arms and also curve around the V of his hips. Damian's cloak is longer, thinner, and the edges of his domino mask mimic the wings of the bat family motif. Tim's bow staff has flint on the ends to create dramatic sparks now and the ridiculous smooth cowl gets traded out for a half-mask.

Routinely hangs out with Alfred when he needs to go shopping for the manor. They loooooove going to stores so they follow him everywhere, even if he refuses to let them drive or pay.

Didn't know how to knock Jason out of a rage once so they just put him in the pocket dimension with a little flashlight and some books. When they got him back out 45 minutes later he was completely fine again.

Startled Tim once when he came home from patrol. He was still high-strung from a close fight and broke their hand when they tried to hug him from behind. They knock on every door before entering a room now.

Sought advice from Hal the most when they were in high school. He had the most normal and applicable responses to civilian issues, like fitting in and bullying and homework.

Begged and begged and begged and begged and BEGGED for Hal to take them into space just once to go on a sector patrol with him. Then when he finally acquiesced and brought them along, they got motion sick and threw up from how rapidly they accelerated out of the atmosphere. Hal took them back home.

Dick and Tim pulled away from them for a while after they refused to become the next Robin because neither boy knew how to be a big brother to a civilian. This led Mouse to consider if everyone in the family would eventually pull away, and if they should just run away from home to make things easier.

Accidentally called Bruce "mom" once, which brought Hal to genuine tears because he's mom, he's the one with the World's Okayest Mom mug, he's the one that loves to go to PTA meetings and attend your extracurriculars!

Hates sewing, stitching, crocheting, any kind of knot-tying activity. They can never get the motions right.

LOVES Monopoly.

No one will play monopoly with them anymore because they keep winning.

Conner cried after agreeing to play monopoly with them once. He won't even look at the box anymore.

Someone please play monopoly with Mouse, they're foaming at the fucking mouth to squash someone into bankruptcy —

Can't be left alone in a hardware store and we won't talk about why

After successfully interning for Deathstroke, several other villains tried to offer them employment

Etc.

[vngelicnix]

pairing: prethunderbolts! bob x fem! reader

summary: bob has fallen in love with the girl of his dreams. literally.

warnings: drugs and addiction i guess? its my first time writing so if i messed up with anything please let me know.

— * — * — * — * — * — * — * — * —

Bob never had people around him. No one ever stuck around. They thought he was too quiet. Kept to himself more than they liked.

Bob noticed. Noticed the way people looked at him. Noticed the whispers. Noticed the way people avoided him. Noticed the emptiness he felt and the loneliness he felt that he tried to hide.

The only way he found that would numb everything out. Keeping his mind free of thoughts, even just for a moment of silence. Was drugs. It started in middle school the first time he ever tried it, just to distract him from everything that was happening at home. It was meant to be a one time thing. Something just to get his mind off of things.

But after a few weeks. He couldn’t stop. He had tried but anything he tried to do to distract him wouldn’t come close to drugs. The way it made him feel. The silence. The serenity. He couldn’t find a way to stop. Not when it was the only thing making him feel like everything wasn’t too much. Like the ground wasn’t swallowing him whole. He couldn’t get enough. So he never stopped.

Weeks turned to months. Turned to years. Years of the relief of everything being dulled out.

He had dropped out of high school, moved out of home and gotten a part-time job. Found an apartment just to have a roof over his head and a place to be by himself. A place where no one could bother him when he had his moment of solitude and tranquility. Needed to cancel everything out.

He never stopped with the addiction. He only slowly got worse. It started to stop numbing everything. It wasn’t having the same impact. It wasn’t enough. It was never enough anymore.

He needed something stronger. Something to make him feel something again. Anything.

He started taking something stronger. At first he felt fulfilled, like everything around him had stopped just for him. He was at peace for a while, everything was tolerable even just for a minute.

That was until a few nights later.

— * — * — * — * — * — * — * — * —

He had just got back from a shift and continued with his routine. Coming home from long day at work, sweaty from the boiling, fluffy, and enclosed chicken suit he had to wear everyday. He hated it. But couldn’t quit. Not even if he wanted to. And he did, more than anything.

But it was the only job that would take him. He applied to many jobs. Handed in more resumes than he could count. Had too many interviews that went terribly. Too many places that turned him down cause of they made him do a drug tests.

He put the keys on the counter, taking off his shoes and slumped down onto the couch.

He didn’t even wait a few minutes, he needed the release. The distraction. Without hesitation reached for the drugs. Taking them in a swift action, waiting for it to hit. Leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes. This time he had taken extra than he normally did. He just needed to feel something more.

Everything was normal at first. Nothing felt different to what he usually felt. Until he started to hear slight whispers. Whispers that were so faint and soft he almost missed them. He opened his eyes and sat forward a little, looking around as if it would answer where they were coming from.

He stayed like that for a moment. Wanting to hear them again.

Nights like those kept happening. Taking extra than he probably should’ve and just wanting to hear the whispers. The same whispers that freaked him out at first started to bring comfort the more he heard them. They started to get more clear, a voice that was like a symphony. He was drawn to it like it was a siren song luring him into the ocean.

He started to get used to it. Finding it soothing. More so than the quiet he was so used to. The quiet he tried so hard to keep. The quiet that grounded him.

But as nights went on it was more than the sound he relied on to be able to relax. The voices turned into shadows in the corner of his eye. Shadows that he felt like followed him. Not only in his mind. The more he saw the shadows the more he saw they were becoming a form of something. Someone.

He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about it so much. It was just the side effects to taking a larger dose than normal. It was something that was only in his mind. He knew it was crazy. He was hearing and seeing shadows that didn’t bother him. He found it nice. Like he wasn’t alone. Even if it was just his mind making it all up.

— * — * — * — * — * — * — * — * —

It was another long shift at work where he couldn’t wait to get home and out of the ridiculous chicken costume that made him sweat out of his mind. He had gotten home and did what he normally does. Takes his shoes off. Keys on the counter and falls onto the couch like it’s his lifeline. Framing his face with his hands, he lets out a long sigh as he sinks deeper into the couch.

He had taken his normal dose.

Then another.

Then one more.

He just needed to hear this voice that was somewhat helping him feel less alone. The voice he swore filled a void inside him. Even if it was his mind making it up as a coping mechanism.

But as he slowly feels it kicking in. The whispers started to get louder but they weren’t the same. They sounded like they were in front of him instead of in the back of his head. They were never clear words. He could never make them out before. It was just the sound of them that made him feel comfort. Like he wasn’t alone. But he swore he could hear his name being whispered over and over. He tried brushing it off but they kept going.

“Bob.”

He heard just repeating again and again. He wanted to open his eyes knowing no one would be there and if was just his mind. The effect of the drugs was always the same.

The slight whispers.

The shadows.

Its only his mind, but the slight tug in his chest made him open them. Even just slightly just to get a glance.

He froze.

He had to be asleep. If he even did that anymore, he couldn’t remember the last time he even dreamt.

He didn’t know how to react. He just stared at her like she was an angel.

Maybe she was? He wouldn’t even know.

But she was perfect. In every possible way just at first glance. It was her.

The whispers he would hear.

The shadow in the corner of his eye.

The girl of his dreams. Which he knows she isn’t real.

But he reaches out anyways. Hesitantly placing his hand onto her cheek. Flinching as he feels the warmth on his fingertips.

“..Bob is everything okay?”

Her eyebrows scrunched with a tinge of worry and bob swore it was the sweetest thing he had ever seen. He was captivated by it. By her.

He paused, removing his hand he was a deer in headlights. Frozen in place unsure of reality not even trusting his own mind. His eyes blown wide and lips parted slightly just trying to find anything to say. His mind went blank, forgot how to speak his own language so he just nodded. He wanted to ask if she’s really there. But nothing comes out. He doesn’t know what to say or how to say it.

He could still see the slight worry in her expression and he was convinced he felt himself let go just a little. Her presence alone made him feel what he had been craving for years. His shoulders slightly slumped and his body not nearly as tense as it was.

“I’m… I- I’m fine..”

Bob wasn’t even sure if that was true, he knew it wasn’t true he didn’t even know if any of this was real but he shook his head and reached down for one of her hands like it was the most natural thing. He could feel the warmth of her hand as he squeezed it, more so reassuring himself than her. She had met his eye as he tried to take in everything about her like it was the last time he’ll ever see her.

“I’m not going anywhere bob.”

She let out a faint laugh as if she could hear all the thoughts spiraling through his head. They both stared at each other with such softness, an ever growing blush creeping up from his neck to his cheeks whilst she was looking at him with such love and calmness, a growing smile and similar blush rouging her cheeks.

He wished he could understand what was happening. He really did. The aching in his chest was alleviated whenever he heard her voice. He was finally at peace even just for that small moment, even just for right now.

— * — * — * — * — * — * — * — * —

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stumbled off the couch with a huff. He wasn’t entirely sure of what had happened last night but he convinced himself it was all a dream.

He remembers the way her hand felt in his. The warmth and the way she squeezed his back. As if to ground him and let him know she’s there. He shook his head and let out a deep sigh.

Pushing open the front door, he sighed as he took a look around the room before he grabbed his keys and left. No trace of her. The tenderness of her voice and the comfort she brought, it was as if she was never there.

She captivated his mind the whole day. His every thought was her voice, the freckles just next to her nose and softness of her thumb brushing over the middle of his palm.

Hours would pass and not a single thought was anything else, he needed to see her again. He needed to feel her again. He’s completely lost between his reality and her. He’s fallen wholly in love with a figment of his mind.

He felt his heart skip in his chest with every breath he took. Just the mere thought of her sent peace throughout him.

He’d spent his whole day with his face a violent shade of red, mixed with the thought of her and the heat of being in that overly fluffy chicken costume for hours on end.

A chill ran up his spine as he walked into his apartment. Choking him in his own desperation with each breath he took, the lingering feeling of her hand in his made, it set something ablaze in his chest. He was clawing at anything to feel it again, to get to hear her again. To not let the moment slip away.

He continued with his routine, keys on the counter, shoes off and slumped himself on the couch. He needed something to take his mind off of it all. Off of her. He took the same amount he did the previous night, just needed a distraction. He took a second just to take a deep breath and closed his eyes, just waiting for it to kick in. The moment his mind was clear he could feel her. The way he felt at ease, just because of her and he knew it. He opened his eyes just needing to get even just a glance at her and she was there. Kneeling in front of him with her hand on his, her thumb caressing his palm, the same movement he had craved since last night.

Her touch felt like fire on his skin, waiting for him to notice her. It was more than just her touch, it was like they were sealed by the very grooves of their palms, fusing into one pulse.

As soon as he saw her he couldn’t look away, it felt as if he tore his eyes away it would be a sin. No words needed to be said, it was as if it was all said with just her smile, the same smile that his heart drop into his stomach as she rubs his hand. He gives her the same smile as he took a deep breath, willing his heart to slow down. She was too close to be able to hide how loud his heart beat for her.

Nights like these kept happening, it became his new routine. Every one of his thoughts taken up by her and him waiting for her to show up. With her, everything was silent, she gave him peace and comfort. He had gotten used to it all, expected her every night. Needed her like she was his salvation. She solved every puzzle that went on in his mind.

It went on for months, he convinced himself she was real, she had to be.. he could feel her every crevice.. the smoothness of her skin.. the way she spoke and the way it soothed him. He was in love. In love with someone who couldn’t possibly be real outside of his mind. Purely a specter of his imagination.

He relied on getting high every night for her just for that moment of stability with her and to feel her warmth against him. Relied on it too much. They had both fallen asleep in each others arms on the couch, the tv playing some sitcom in the background. He had slowly peeled his eyes open, and when he looked down he could see her, her body steadily rising and falling as she was curled up, head on his chest. A small smile made its way to his lips as he adjusted slightly, trying his best to not wake her.

He leaned back into the couch, shifting ever so gently and pulling her as close to him as he possibly could. He had never felt so at peace, he wasn’t lonely anymore.. he had someone he loved and that someone loved him back.. that someone that was there for him and kept him at bay.. that someone that filled the void in him. He clung to her like she was his only chance of redemption.. redemption of who he became.. redemption of the way he felt something was wrong with him. She made him feel secure in the way he could never find. That night he was truly the most comfortable he had ever been with his life. That night with her, just the simplest of nights was what he needed.. and he fell asleep holding her, no constant worries or problems. He was completely relieved of everything.

— * — * — * — * — * — * — * — * —

He woke up with her gone, the same way she was whenever he woke up. Everything went the same as it normally did, he woke up with nothing on his mind but her.. only ever her. He got ready for work. The same as usual, a hot long day in a chicken suit that he was glad no one could see the way he was sweating underneath. He just couldn’t wait for his shift to finish, for him get home and see her.

Seven unnecessarily long hours had passed and he had finally gotten out of that suit that felt like it was burning him alive, wiping his forehead from sweat and made his way home. The second he got home he did what he normally did, keys on the counter, shoes off, sinking into the couch and getting high. Just to see her.. always to see her.

But this time hours had passed. She hadn’t shown up. Not even a whisper or a shadow. Nothing. He waited and he waited but still nothing. So he upped his dose, figured he just didn’t take the amount he normally did but another hour passed and still nothing, not a single sign that she was there.. after months and months of him waiting for her and needing her yet there was nothing. He was picking the skin around his fingernails, eyes practically glued shut as he recalled everything about you, every memory and the way her touch was the softest thing he had ever felt. All of those memories plagued him, they had been running through his head for hours on end. The blush that painted her cheeks every time he would smile at her.. the way she would laugh at his jokes and the way he would think of some during the day just to hear her laugh again.

It didn’t make sense.. she was always here. She never not showed up, not since before he ever heard her voice. He couldn’t lose her not after everything. He didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. He couldn’t without her. He just kept waiting and waiting hoping on everything that she would tap his shoulder and surprise him saying it was a joke. But that never happened. He just sat in the same spot, in the same position for hours, constantly shuffling in his seat. The sun had started to rise, shining ever so slightly through the curtain. He had curled in on himself replaying every memory they had together and every small detail about her. Repeatedly muttering under his breath, “.. come back to me.”

He tried day after day just waiting and waiting for her.. waiting for just a whisper of her voice.. waiting for a shadow. He needed her in a way that wasn’t humanly possible. She helped him in every way, he didn’t know what to do without her. He was slowly losing his mind. He stopped showing up to work and was late on rent he would barely move and he didn’t know anybody for them to check on him. He was completely alone and there was no trace of her at all. All he had was the memories and even those were slowly fading as weeks went by. He had tried so many times and he needed her but nothing came close to the way she made him feel. To the way he felt like he had no problems when she was with him. She silenced everything in his mind. But now shes gone.

He would never forget her but her face had started to become a blur. It had been months after months he had started to get out of the apartment and get a better paying job that doesn’t require wearing some heavy feathered chicken suit. He stopped taking drugs and waiting for her. He forced himself to go to rehab. To work on himself and do better hoping that if he worked on himself he would feel at peace even if it was just a little. There was always going to be a part of him that was pulling him back into getting high just to see her but it was no use. He had spent days after days for months waiting for her. But nothing. So working on himself took his mind off of it.

Everything felt like it was healing for him. He felt like he accomplished something by doing better and being months sober. He had even made a few friends at rehab. He was finally happy with himself and was letting go of his past life. He was moving on and it was working he was relieved that he didn’t need to rely on drugs. He never stopped going to rehab and was starting to read. He would read the books that she would mention as it was a way to still be connected to her without relying on drugs and wasting time waiting for someone that would never show. So he just did the little things that she would mention. Like watching her favorite movies.. or eating her favorite snacks. Just the little things that would help him cope in the smallest ways.

Two years had passed. Two years since it felt like the ground had swallowed him whole and took everything he had ever loved. Everything that would make him feel whole again.

He was leaving work after a long day and needed to get some groceries, just something quick for dinner as it was almost dark and the sun was setting. As he was moving through the canned goods aisle, he scanned the shelves for soup, his eyes lingering through the discount labels. He turned the corner, listing the ingredients in his mind of what he needed trying not to forget anything, when someone had crashed into him. She had jerked back, her basket swinging as she held it tighter.

The woman he had nearly knocked over, looked up at him, hair up in a ponytail with a few loose strands brushing the collar of her thick, navy blue cardigan. It hung loose on her frame, sleeves rolled up her forearms. Her eyes a blinked up at him with a hint of surprise, like something about him was familiar but unsure of how.

“Im sorry.. i wasn’t looking where i was going.” She said, her voice soft and unsure, like she was trying to place where she knew him from mid sentence.

He blinked down at her, shaking his head slightly and smiled reassuringly. But something was itching at the back of his mind. She looked… familiar. Not the type where they ‘catch the same train’ or ‘walk past each other on street’ kind of way, but in a half-forgotten memory sort of way. He stared at her face, the way the loose strands frame her face, the faint freckles next to her cheek, eyes that felt so familiar the second they looked at each other.

He knew this face.

His pulse stuttered as it started to race.

“It’s you..” he muttered as he took a step back.

It hit him. He froze, his eyes widened, a deer in headlights kind of terror as his lips parted slightly.

— * — * — * — * — * — * — * — * —

Wait i lowkey wanna finish this even if no one sees it.

[crippleprophet]

Hey, I’m really sorry if this isnt the right place to ask, but how can you tell the difference between Being Disabled, and just having a lower tolerance for life in general. Because right now, I feel nauseous, exhausted and in pain most days, and it hurts to walk, but I am still physically able to, I walk, and I even hike somedays. I’ve been tested for arthritis and they’ve done CBCs and BMPs and even an ANA screen and nothing is really out of the ordinary. Yet on a normal basis, I feel that I feel worse than the average person. But how do you differentiate that from The Human Condition, yknow? I know youre not a health authority but I would love your insight, I feel like I’m going insane. Thank you

i'm so sorry you're dealing with all this emotional questioning & distress on top of your physical symptoms 🖤💓 a lot of this reminded me of wrestling that i was doing when i started reckoning with the fact that my mobility impairment wasn't gonna get better & would likely get worse – that was like 2018, when i was 19, so while navigating an ableist society is never Easy & it's totally okay to feel like shit (no shame even in shame) the good news i can offer you is that while i still wrangle internalized ableism, it's been years since i've doubted my symptoms.

everybody's different so this might not all resonate with you but here are some concepts & resources that have been transformative for me! (in no particular order.) keep in mind this is shit i learned / am learning over years not overnight, i feel like a conspiracy theorist getting into all of this sometimes but i mean it with full sincerity when i say this shit saved my life. if i could offer this post to my (incredibly stubborn, incredibly self-hating) past self the case i'd make would be "okay but even if you're weak and/or faking, ignoring this isn't working, so you might as well give listening to it a shot." your mileage may vary.

1) modern medical tests are the middle of our knowledge, not the end. our western white supremacist medical system is confident in its own perfection, & always has been, no matter how full of shit it is at any given time. if you need a reminder that the field is not remotely infallible & does not have the best interests of human care at heart, look at how many hospitals (& likely your own doctors) no longer mask. we don't know anywhere remotely near every biomarker out there, & plenty of disabling conditions (hEDS, dysautonomia, small fiber neuropathy, ME/CFS, just to name a few) can't be determined by a blood test.

most diseases have seronegative forms (which we also don't know the full extent of due to ableism + misogyny), & doctors love to classify "looks like the same exact disease but seronegative" as a Different, Fake Disorder (see "non-celiac" gluten intolerance, hypermobility spectrum disorder "vs" hEDS, nonradiographic AxSpa vs AS in the way many doctors discuss/treat them)

nitpick here (& please know any fury i can't keep from my tone is directed at the society & individuals who made you feel this way, not at all at you) but an ANA screen should not be "even," that should not be a last resort, in places with the resources that should be part of a standard first-round rheumatology bloodwork panel, from a rheum or a PCP. if your doctor said or implied an ANA test was excessive or "reaching" they are full of shit.

further reading: @mamoru "if a singular blood test could diagnose everything, medical school would be a hell of a lot shorter"

"Our medical system is radically unequipped, practically and conceptually, to serve patients whose tests come back normal" – this is not a problem with you, this is a massive system problem which is harming you

2) i approach the world through the social model of disability, so from my perspective, if you have "a lower tolerance for life in general," you are disabled. even if both of us were ""really"" not feeling any pain or nausea or fatigue whatsoever, even if it was all "in our heads," the task remains unachievable. the doctors telling me nothing was wrong when my undiagnosed celiac escalated to the point i could no longer eat solid foods didn't magically make my small intestine able to absorb nutrients, etc ad infinitum. even if i feel like shit for no reason, i still feel like shit, i still have the same access needs, the world is still inaccessible to me in the same ways, the same structural changes need to be made, my experiences are still marginalized.

further reading:

@librarycards "what matters isn't what "counts" but rather how, when, and with whom you choose to be counted"

dr devon price @drdemonprince "explore the possibilities and focus less on discovering objective "truth," and more on finding what helps you feel more happy, connected, and whole"

3) if you're in a living environment where this is an option i cannot overstate the impact for me of putting up affirming signs, i have some different ones about drug use / pain management positivity on my wall rn. if that's not an option maybe a phone home screen or a tumblr header or something else you'd see frequently!

4) i'm not saying you have dysautonomia but especially with the mention of nausea i super recommend checking out dysautonomia international, they have a huge wealth of free resources on research, diagnosis, management, etc & the things i tend to explore first with chronic nausea are dysautonomia & food intolerance(s)

5) if at all possible, connect with a disabled community. this could be messaging a tumblr mutual, joining a discord, volunteering at your local center for independent living, joining a student org if that's relevant, asking an acquaintance if they want to get together & talk shit over coffee outdoors, reading a shitton of books / posts / zines & communing with your crip ancestors, whatever is most accessible for you. i stopped being able to really participate in group discords when i developed ME, but my last semester of undergrad, it saved my life: i'd just decided, needed, to start using a mobility scooter, to stop walking, but i was completely undiagnosed & fucking terrified of muscle loss, that i was making the wrong decision, and my rehabilitation engineering professor wouldn't stop hammering it in. my mental health was in shreds, & having a community of disabled voices to drown out his in my head was life-giving. to feel: we are everywhere, & everywhere we are fed up. to locate myself within a vast & profound lineage rather than just being the most visibly crippled person on campus.

6) even if you don't have ME/CFS i recommend exploring pacing, it's been the single most transformative thing for getting in tune with my limits & my body's needs, & when i'm able to stay within those limits i have so much more energy & cognitive & emotional capacity

further reading:

15min rests (i usually do 20 bc of the Mythbusters Protocol lol)

if folks are interested in a spiritual side of connecting to one's body feel free to dm me for the rooting exercise a local herbalist gave me! i am actively harmed by attempting white western therapeutic interpretations of mindfulness but these energy work exercises were super accessible for me as a beginner & have been really spiritually fulfilling. similar resources are probably available online & ik there are a lot of leftist books etc about embodiment exercises i just don't have any personal recommendations off the top of my head!

7) if what you're experiencing is "just" The Human Condition, then we should restructure society so that no one is required to walk if it's painful for them, so that everyone receives compassionate comprehensive care, so that everyone is empowered to learn their body's boundaries & live within them if & when they choose

hope some of this is helpful, much love to you <333

[unhinged-millennial]

KimChay fic idea (and KinnPorsche too)

So soulmates AU where you feel physical pain, your soulmates feel. Kinn and Kim never really thought about soulmates due to Korn being an evil shit saying its not true its just a lie to get people to not live life (fear) until Tankhun is completely destroyed and left a shell of himself after his soulmate was tortured and killed leaves him traumatized. Kinn and Kim finally realize all the beatings, torture, and being shot have actually affected another person, and they feel extremely guilty. They never noticed feeling pain from their soulmates because they were used to always being hurt or sore. Until they tested it out and had a lockdown and did nothing dangerous for weeks. They started noticing bruises and cuts and feeling things from their soulmates. They notice its often not what a normal person would deal with, and they are worried. So, wanting to find out more info on how they can help Tankhun heal and maybe help their soulmates, they go to a special hospital/facility that treats people who are being treated for soulmate related injuries. They learn so much, that some people purposely hurt themselves to hurt their soulmate (which could me a dark twist that Korn knew Tankhuns soulmate and killed him on purpose) and see others who in real time get hurt while they stand there getting information. They see the severity of their lifestyle has had on 2 people they don't even know yet. So they start donating money secretly to help the facility. They ask of there are any residents that have experienced certain injuries (what they went through) out of curiosity to see what kind of damage they could have caused and the doctors hesitate but since they are getting financial assistance from them, they explain there are 2 brothers who have been in and out of the care for years due to extreme injuries but they havent been coming recently due to money issues.

So Kinn and Kim offer to pay for them to see how these two have been effected. The doctors tell them they'd call them and let them know services are free now if they need help. So of course that's when Kim notices more bruises and then he feels like hes broken something and Kinn flips out and takes him to the facility and while there, The two brothers show up and beg the doctors to help treat his younger brother who was attacked by loan sharks hoping to get help since they cant afford a regular hospital. The doctor notices the injury is similar to what Kim had described and agreed to help to test if his theory is right. He keeps his opinions to himself and tells Porsche that he'd like to do a full body test now that its free for them and Porsche agrees. Chay is numbed so when they do tests he feels nothing but Kim feels everything.

Of course, Kim finds it interesting to see and feel wounds appear but thinks his soulmate went through hell he can handle this much. Kinn, not so much, he goes to get a doctor and while talking to a nurse he notices Porsche pacing and asks the nurse what's wrong. They explain that's one of the brothers he was told about and immediately wants to talk to him. He approaches and asks if hes ok and if he could ask questions. Porsche assuming its just another doctor agrees and tells him what he wants to know. Kinn the more he hears the worse hes starting to feel about what his own soulmate must have felt.

(If you like the idea, feel free to write it just let me know so I can read it)

[starstyff]

Duuuuuude brooooo

>Be me

>Have an intermittent ED that corresponds with manic episodes

>Repeatedly lose a lot of weight in a short period of time

>Eventually stabilize and give up on maintaining a low weight

>Gain a bunch of weight

>Reluctantly make peace with body as is

>Decide that finding a psych medication that works well is most important

>Find one that works well after two years of trial and error :^)

>Get blood test per psychiatrist order

>Discover I am pre-diabetic :(

>Medication is known to do this but has genetic and lifestyle elements

>Now have to rigorously examine diet and begin exercise routine :^)

>(I am incapable of having a good relationship with food while also tracking any type of nutritional metric)

>Recognizes that doing this right nutritionally and mentally would require a lot of work

>Brain immediately supplies that just not eating would probably fix it

It’s always something huh

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[randomwriteronline]

Mata Nui refused to sleep.

He had not given a reason for it, in the distinct way one does not give a reason for something they find immensely discomforting, so none had bothered to pry further, and he had never slept.

This was a useful problem. Useful, because he could still rest through meditation whilst remaining aware of his sorroundings, meaning there was always someone to keep an eye out for the many rogue crawlies that infested Bara Magna at night and any Bone Hunter ambushes, so there was no need to take turns keeping awake and vigilant; a problem, because Kiina now had to be wrestled to sleep lest she abused the down time they had to pester the stranger on space and planets and the such, and Mata Nui was more than glad to speak of anything she might have inquired about at length.

That would have also been a useful problem, as his explanations were told in a low gentle monotone that could have lulled a furious Rock Steed into a chittering pup gently kicking and pawing at the sand in its slumber, if the Gaquri would have managed to stop interjecting with far too loud a volume of voice.

As it was, however, all their conversations did was hinder everybody else's attempt at getting some shut-eye.

When Ackar awoke, the night was perfectly silent.

He wondered briefly why in Plude he'd stirred. A sudden flesh-rendering pain jolting through his right shoulder answered him a little too eagerly for his tastes, and he groaned as he kneaded into it with his fingers.

"Ackar?" a half whisper reached him.

He grunted in acknowledgement.

Mata Nui shifted from where he sat to lean over him: "Is something the matter, my friend?"

The Glatorian pushed himself upright with a bit of difficulty: "Nothing, nothing... Give me a second," he muttered, "I shouldn't sleep with it, but - urgh! Alright, alright, hold my elbow a moment, would you?"

He hissed his thanks through gritted teeth as his limb was caught in a gentle grip. His fingers slipped below his armpit and fumbled angrily with the folds of his skin as his grimace twitched with each spark of pain: at last, with a few clunks and exhausted pops, the arm went limp in Mata Nui's hold as it detached from the rest of Ackar's body, leaving the Glatorian to sigh in relief and move his hand closer to the crook of his own neck.

His friend stared at the body part suddenly in his palms with no shortage of surprise.

"It is a prosthesis," he noted, a little awed: "I did not realize that."

"Yes, well - it's not really your fault for that. It's not that easy to tell, and I never mentioned it," the Glatorian replied as he did his best to massage his aching shoulder blade.

The motion attracted the attention of blue eyes: "Are you hurt?"

"Ah... Nothing to be worried about. I should not sleep with it, is all. It decides to start stinging like Plude if I do that too much."

"You have slept with it all these nights, though."

Ackar gave a lopsided smile: "I know, I know - but when you're out here in the desert, it's always better to have two arms at the ready rather than one."

Mata Nui nodded solemnly, with a grave air about him, as though the Glatorian had bestowed great wisdom upon him instead of basic Bara Magnan common sense, and the veteran warrior could not help chuckling a little at him.

The otherworlder took great care to place the fake limb on the sand so that it would not jam its inner mechanisms before turning once more to his friend: "May I help you?"

"With what?"

"Your shoulder."

"It's just inflamed muscles."

"It doesn't seem as though you can reach the spot bothering you very comfortably on your own. I would be glad to lend a hand."

"Oh? You have experience with this?" the Glatorian teased him lightly, but he did slowly begin unfastening his chest armor with careful movements made surprisingly swift by half a lifetime practicing with only one hand.

"I do not," Mata Nui confessed, completely missing any and all implications: "But I do wish to be of help."

"If it would please you, then, be my guest," Ackar smiled. "Though I will say, at the cost of sounding like a frail maiden - take off your gauntlets at least. I'm pretty sure you'd rip my flesh right off of me if it got pinched in your armor."

"I see. That is an unfortunate request."

"Why so?"

"I am physically incapable of removing my armor."

The other just shrugged casually as he pulled off his undershirt: "I can help you with it."

"You are very kind, but I did not mean that it is impractical to fasten or get out of," the otherworlder clarified. He placed a palm on where his clavicle should have been, lightly curling his phalanxes around the edges of the golden yellow metal covering his upper half: "Taking this off would be akin to skinning me."

Ackar responded to the information with a wide eyed stare.

"Ah," he convened finally: "That'd be quite terrible."

"It would indeed, my friend."

"So - hold it, hold it. You've been naked this whole time?"

"I... Would not... Describe myself as such."

"No, no, I mean--" the Glatorian reworded himself as he scooted over, "This whole time, we've been running around fighting for our lives, fending off vicious beasts and Bone Hunters, and you haven't had a single piece of protective gear on you?"

Mata Nui blinked: "I am shielded," he replied.

"I don't mean Click and the whole - thing, that you make him do that turns him into a shield," Ackar said as he settled down with his back to his friend. "I mean something that keeps your soft insides from getting sliced in half at the first swing of a blade, or from getting skewered by the first Thornax launched into the back of your knee."

"I am shielded." the other insisted.

"By what?"

"My carapace."

His fingertips laid on the Tapyri's back, only to retreat in confusion a moment after. Whatever puzzled him was eventually deemed inconsequential, as he returned to study the shoulder blade beneath his fingers in search of any anomalies beneath the skin that could clue him in on where to strike.

"Your what?" Ackar asked.

"My body is naturally armored," he explained without breaking focus: "Much like insects, certain species of reptiles, or likely the Vorox and Zesk from what I could observe of them, I am covered by an exoskeleton meant to protect my organs and sustain my body. It is unclear whether I possess an additional endoskeleton, like you, but I must confess I am not very keen to find out."

"Huh," his friend noted. After a moment, he added: "Because you'd have to be skinned."

"Yes."

"Very fair."

That was quite the load of information.

By all means, this wasn't necessarily the first time they'd heard of carapaced sentient beings - the Fezeri of the Iron tribe had something of the sort, and if you tried searching through their old settlements enough you were bound to find some molts that had survived the passage of time - but they still had bones in them. Like normal people.

And yes, of course, Mata Nui was abnormal under every aspect if you looked at him for longer than two minutes.

But being a huge humanoid bug?

Now that was unexpected.

More than everything else.

Including coming from space. Because even Kiina had imagined that spacepeople would have had bones in them, or at least been aware of having them.

All of a sudden the Glatorian gave a short snorting laugh.

"You're so confusing," he said whistfully, craning his neck back. "By the looks of it one would guess you're just a slightly irregular fellow, and yet you're some sort of alien who's more like Click than any of the rest of us. You're just full of surprises."

"Oh! I suppose that is true," Mata Nui mused.

He sounded somewhat amused by his resemblance to the beetle. Like he hadn't noticed it himself until now.

His fingers slid on what seemed like a slight bump under the oily skin. That must have been the problem, he thought to himself, and without further ado dug his thumb in the spot: against his carapace he almost felt the individual fibers of muscle flatten under the pressure he exercised upon them, the tight knot they were wrapped in struggling not to yield and unfurl.

He didn't quite get the time to focus on that, however, as he was startled out of the tactile sensation by a deep gurgling sound rattling almost right in his audio receptor.

Ackar, for his part, was trembling so much that the flesh folded around the back of his ribs seemed to be trying its hardest to imitate the vibrating tempo of a dragonfly's wings as it raced its peers across the surface of a lake.

"Oh, I think you found it!" he gingerly said before his friend could wonder whether he'd accidentally hurt him - which in a matter of seconds was no longer a concern seeing as the Glatorian all but leaned further into his thumb: "Go on, go on, those bastards are hard to get rid of--"

Another growl reverberated through the otherwise still air, and Mata Nui realized it was coming from directly under his palms.

Ergo, it was coming from Ackar.

He tried digging harder into the skin: the shoulder wiggled around his finger in a very curious way and the gurgling's volume raised a little more, while the trembling returned to rattle through the Tapyri just as hard as it had before.

Sound and tremors repeated in varying intensity as he continued to knead his fingers against the suffering spot, usually accompanied by the body in question trying to recline directly into the pressure much like certain creatures do when gently scratched in specific areas. He deduced these reactions must have been positive ones, meant to communicate a contented or happy disposition - perhaps specific to the Fire tribe? The trembling in particular, with its very visible reverberations all across the being's frame, seemed to require the presence of an amount of skin which was notably higher than what he could glimpse on Gaquri and Lebori alike... Although Ackar was also significantly older than Gresh, Berix and Kiina, and it would not have been wise to rule out the possibilty of age playing an important part in determining the quantity of soft tissue.

Speaking of the skin, though he was very taken with the large splatter-like marks all across his back, there was also something else that was puzzling if not outright concerning him about it.

"You're sweating quite a lot," Mata Nui noted out loud.

Ackar leaned so far into his hand that he almost dropped down right onto the sand.

"Ah - 'sss not sweat," he drawled through the rumbling in his neck: "Don'- don't frrreak out now, ok- 's mucus."

His friend hummed, unbothered: "That explains the consistency."

"Don' worrrrrry about it - 's norrrmal, yesss? We - us Tapyri, we jusss' make it, see... For the, the tem- RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Sorrrrrry, so'ry... We live near volcanos 'n' open lava pools, so the temp'raturesss would shrrrivel us up..."

"I understand... It keeps you hydrated in otherwise extreme climates."

"Uh-huh... Plus 's easierrr t' wash off the ash like that... Jusss' ssscoop it all off, and the'e, all clean like an oil'd up--" an even more powerful gurgle took over his throat, and he arched his back so much that Mata Nui had to quickly catch him with both hands before he slipped right out of his grip. Now that the Tapyri's face was in view he could note with great interest that his thin teeth were paraded in a wide trembling grin, almost clattering together, and that his eyes were squeezed shut as if he were in great pain - although the effect his expression gave off, even looking at it upside down as the fallen god was, seemed closer to exceptional enjoyment. He watched him mutter a curse under his breath before his voice raised again, slurring in bliss: "A'e you su'e you've nev'r done this beforrre? Y're good!"

"I am afraid I only have theoretical knowledge at my disposal, although in great quantities," his friend replied, a little embarrassed as he laid the other's head down onto his armored legs.

Ackar grinned a little wider as his nape touched down on something pleasantly warm: "Ahhh, booksss, booksss..." he chuckled, wriggling in place, fingers idly pulling the air in uncoordinated motions: "I g'ess they'rrre good f'r sssom'thin', eh?"

His chest jumped with a giddy silent giggle, causing his rumbling to stutter a few times.

Now that he looked at his actual arm better, Mata Nui realized that its back too sported large splatters of different pigmentation. He caught it in his free hand very carefully, turning it over to observe it better while the Glatorian simply allowed him to, maybe not even noticing: their position and shape was not as random as it appeared, but instead seemed to follow an imperfect pattern which mirrored that flanking the man's spine. A quick glance at his prosthesis revealed no such detail on the fake flesh.

Such a curious thing, he mused as he thoughtlessly played with the organic limb - pressing on its palm, lifting it, bending its elbow and wrist to watch the skin crease and muscles tense or relax. He'd seen this sort of appearance on a few creatures along his travels, usually to ward off predators by denoting some sort of poisonous nature... Perhaps the Fire tribe had evolved to secrete a type of venom mixed into their protective layer of mucus in response to threats, or it could have been a strategy of ages past that had managed to survive with each subsequent step they'd taken up their evolutionary ladder for some reason or another.

He'd never had a tongue to test the effects of different poisons personally, and while he might have had one now (though he wasn't sure, since he had not had the time to properly study or think about this body's anatomy much) he was a little uncertain on whether his friend would have appreciated having his fingers shoved in Mata Nui's mouth for the sake of scientific research.

He had come across a few sapient species that considered that a formal greeting, but he would rather not take his chances.

Maybe he could have asked later.

He felt Ackar's shoulders shift and squirm in his lap to get more comfortable, and he returned his attention to him just in time for the Tapyri to open his eyes and meet his gaze in turn.

For a small period of time they simply looked at one another. The otherworlder continued idly moving the other's limb, exercising a gentle pressure upon his palm as he shifted the arm up and down without any rhyme or reason; Ackar himself just let him do as he pleased, only blinking back at him, face stuck in a neutral expression, not making a singular attempt at stopping him.

"Oh," he spoke at last with a nervous laugh: "Well. Hello."

What a strange thing to say. Mata Nui tilted his head slightly: "Hello," he replied in tone.

"I've made myself comfortable, haven't I?"

"If you are referring to your position, I took the liberty to recline you myself in order to keep you from getting injured."

It was unclear if the information reassured the Glatorian or not, as his reaction was to widen his pupils slightly, considerably darken the skin of his nose, and only peep: "Ah."

"You were leaning rather far back. You could have fallen."

"Ah," he repeated. "Thank you, friend."

"It was my pleasure."

Ackar's nose turned a little darker again.

Mata Nui touched it thoughtlessly: its temperature had increased, he mused to himself, so perhaps blood was rushing to that specific spot for one reason or other.

"You might be building a fever," he warned.

"I do not believe I am," the Tapyri replied a little stilted, again with an embarrassed chuckle, "But thanks for worrying."

Concerns soothed, the fallen god dug a digit back in the pained spot and earned another gurgle for his good deed, which reverberated this time across the plates of his legs. He was surprised to find it caused a weird, pleasant sensation akin to a feeling he unfortunately was not sure he had a name for yet.

He returned his attention to his friend: "How is your shoulder feeling?"

Ackar had shut his eyes again, and squirmed in a sort of pleased manner: "Betterrr," he replied, growls now coming from his throat in shorter bursts. He cracked open an eyelid to look at his own arm being maneuvered by Mata Nui's hand as though it were the limb of some sort of machine, losing himself in the feeling of the armored palm and the limp movement of his own joints: "Havin' fun?"

The other followed his gaze, and instantly turned bashful: "Oh - I apologize. I was lost in thought," he whispered sheepishly, placing the limb down on the Glatorian's chest.

His friend cackled: "It's quite fine, it didn't hurt."

Another gargle rumbled through him as the last kink in his muscle was smoothed down.

Mata Nui continued massaging the spot either way, and Ackar continued quietly responding to his kindness with soft purrs; and for a short while, as the desert breathed its tired chill and the winds didn't blow any sand into their eyes or noses or mouths, they simply remained quiet.

Fingertips ran across his arm softly, slowly.

If he concentrated enough he could hear how the barely perceptible sound them scraping the mucus off of one another.

It was terribly comfortable.

Terribly soothing...

A soft monotone stirred him from the torpor he was falling into: "In truth, I was quite taken with your skin's markings."

Without opening his eyes, Ackar turned his head: "Hm?"

"These," his friend explained. He felt him trace an unclear shape on his forearm a few times, gently: "You present an irregular pattern of noticeably different pigmentation both here and on your back. The closest condition I could try to compare it to would be vitiligo, but it does not appear to be anything like it."

The Glatorian hummed softly: "Oh, we just have them... They're common, to us Tapyri. Splatters, spots, dots... Various colors, too..."

"How curious," the otherworlder murmured. He moved from one spot to the other seamlessly, following their borders. "Poisonous creatures often advertise their toxicity to potential predators through similar visual cues."

"Is that so..."

"Perhaps you too have some."

Ackar chuckled as he humored him: "Perhaps I do, who knows!"

"Like a salamander."

"And what is that?"

"It is a term that indicates a family of small amphibians of which many species contain a potent poison within their mucus-covered skin. Their appearance is quite similar to that of lizards, so they are often mistaken for reptiles despite their lack of scales. Land-dwelling turtles often incur into a similar yet opposite misconception, being believed to be amphibians when they are not."

"Hm. And their poison, what does it do?"

"It is deadly in exceptionally small doses and can affect the victim by means of contact with bruised skin, ingestion, inhalation, and injection."

"Oh, I'd like that."

"You would?"

"Yeah, why not? First sand bat to swallow me whole gets a nice surprise, and I take that bastard down with me."

He laughed softly, reclining his head further into Mata Nui's lap.

His yellowish eyes looked up again curved into half moons, meeting the fallen god's own with a lopsided grin: "That'd be a nice little consolation at least, wouldn't you think?"

His friend's glowing irises looked back down at him with a sort of vacuous glimmer.

They were a very nice blue.

The otherworlder's hands were heavily segmented, each articulation encased in a golden shell fitting perfectly against the others. It was really curious how he'd never noticed that until he had his cheeks cradled into one of those palms, weirdly coarse and warm like sand.

Mata Nui looked directly into his eyes: "You are so deeply interesting," he said with such earnest awe.

He sounded so starstruck - he was so starstruck, staring at the Glatorian utterly entranced as though he was marveling at the sight of in the most incredible discovery of this age.

"If the circumstances of our meeting had been different, less wrecked with quests and worries," the fallen god continued, speaking awfully softly as he returned his mellow grip to the Tapyri's hand and began shifting his arm around aimlessly again, to feel the shift of muscle and skin and mucus, "I would have loved to simply watch you live for weeks on end. To take note of your speech patterns, your specific anatomy, how your body moves, how it reacts to stimuli..."

"That," Ackar murmured, breathless: "Is a bit forward - isn't it?"

His friend leaned his head to the side ever so slightly, not blinking.

"At least you should first..."

He choked on his own breath very briefly; he shut his eyes with a little bewildered wheeze and smacked his palm on his face.

Great Beings.

That could have been incredibly awkward.

Mata Nui, who was still holding onto his hand waiting for an elaboration with a fair share of interest on the matter, decided the necessary amount of time for an explanation's request to be polite had passed and curteously encouraged him: "Do continue. I would like to know the proper steps to follow."

But the Glatorian shook his head with a breathy cackle: "Don't- it's nothing, don't think about it. I'm very tired and talking stupid."

"I apologize. I should let you rest, then."

"Oh, no, if you - if you want to talk about something, it's fine."

A surge of warmth radiated from the carapaced fingers wrapped around his hand: "It would not bother you?"

"No, no... You've got a soothing voice really, so it wouldn't... I don't know how long I can listen to you consciously, but if you'd just keep telling me about... Oh, I don't know..."

"Would you like me to continue with the salamanders?"

Oh, he knew that little wiggle that had just shaken his friend's legs. It was the same as Kiina's flapping knees while sitting crosslegged, Gresh's one-handed claps and the weird little laugh Berix sputtered when he saw something he liked way too much.

Mata Nui really wanted to tell him more about those beasties.

Maybe he was excited about the similarities he'd found between them and the Tapyri. Or maybe he just liked talking - he'd always seemed awfully happy rambling to Kiina.

Either way, the little terrors had already gotten in his good graces with their poison, so why not learn more about them?

"I reckon I would," he smiled.

His arm was lifted again, and he could now see the excitement in his friend's eyes: "It would be my pleasure," he assured him. He leaned a little further down, closer to his face: "What would you like for me to start with?"

The Glatorian twisted his mouth for a moment: "To start, to start... The legs, let's go with those. How many do they have?

"They tend to have four limbs, two front and two hind, although certain species completely lack the latter," Mata Nui began without missing a beat: "The number of toes is also variable, but never exceeds four on the front and five on the rear. A rather incredible ability the entire salamander genus can vaunt is that of fully regenerating entire limbs without any trace of scarring."

Ackar hummed, amused, and moved his lone shoulder blade as though its arm was still attached: "That's a real good one, I'll say... Don't quite get the lack of back legs, though."

"Specimens that showcase such a peculiar characteristic tend to be fully aquatic throughout their entire lifetime, so perhaps an additional pair of limbs were considered more superflous to them than they were to other species that maintain an amphibious existence or even turn completely terrestrial upon reaching adulthood - though still favoring damp, cool habitats due to their permeable skin, preferrably near water." the otherworlder explained. Then, as though remembering it suddenly, he added in a slightly humored tone: "Sapient inhabitants of the planet on which I observed these creatures most often associate them to fire, particularly to the ability to resist it unharmed or putting it out entirely. A misconception created by the salamanders' habit of making their nests in rotting logs, from which they would flee when they were placed in the fire, also led to the belief that they were born from flames."

Something else they had in common with Tapyri...

One of their oldest tales, a myth to tell children - they were the spawn of embers, born from ashes still warm of extinguished bonfires, from the glowing rivers trickling down the sides of volcanoes...

Ackar squeezed his eyes hard and forced himself concious. A small sigh escaped him: he was already fighting a losing battle with his eyelids to keep them open, lulled into a thoughtless state by Mata Nui's excited monotone gently and eagerly pouring as much information as he could into his head.

His throat rumbled weakly, its grumbles vibrating against the equally pleased lap wiggling beneath his head - oh, if he could stay awake a little more, just a little more...

"Their diet tends to vary based on their environment and size, but they are known to eat anything the deem large enough," Mata Nui kept going softly, stroking the Glatorian's hand with his thumb: "Among their most common preys are insects such as flies, beetles, cicadellidae, moths, caeliferae and aquatic bugs, arachnids such as mites and spiders, earthworms, hexapods, and various larvae, while larger species may also hunt crabs, small mammals, fish, and other amphibians; in case of particularly scarce resources they might also resort to cannibalizing other salamanders, something that often happens between young specimens. Their jaws have each a row of small teeth capable of bending inward to keep the prey from escaping, sometimes helped by patches of teeth found on their palatine bones and vomer as well to better hold it down - aquatic specimens rely on them to macerate and tear the prey, as their tongues lack muscles and cannot be flicked out to catch food in the way their terrestrial counterparts' can. This is made possible by their ability to secrete a sticky mucus from glands positioned on the roof of their mouth and the tip of the tongue itself..."

And he continued talking for a good couple of hours, droning in the night with his quiet excitement without worrying too much about Ackar's silent snoring adding itself to the sound of Kiina, Gresh and Berix, simply happy to listen to them breathe and live around him and talk, talk, talk about all the marvelous things he'd loved alone until now.

[morningmask27]

Love being the one who has to be responsible for all the organization bs in a group work </3

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

burgertron HATE ged prep . burgertron PILEDRIVE WHOEVER MADE IT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE 4 SEPARATE TESTS TO GET A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS YOU DID IT into THE FUCKING DIRT!!!!!!!

[coolbeans495]

Finished The Turing Test...........

LET ME GIVE T.O.M. A HUG I FEEL AWFUL 😭😭😭

[rindreamery]

out of breath, got me going like...

some of the attractive things that the blue lock men do. featuring: itoshi rin, itoshi sae, nagi seishiro, michael kaiser, oliver aiku, yukimiya kenyu ─ content: fluff, suggestive

note. yukki debut on my acc ??? do we fw the casual, less poetic writing cuz there was really no way to make this poetic 👩‍🦯 just astronomically down bad writing all around

itoshi rin sends you gym pics without you having to ask.

it initially took a lot of convincing, at first, to get rin to send you a picture. in his eyes, it was embarrassing— the idea of pulling his phone out mid-workout, taking a picture, sending it to you, and then going back to whatever he was doing. his mind would drift off to the weird stares he would probably get from others, and the fact that he also wasn’t exactly known for knowing how to pose to begin with. as much as he loved making you happy, there were just some things he was not willing to do.

it took a lot of begging, and for the first few months, the answer was always, “no.”

the first picture came unexpectedly. your phone was thrown off to the side of the bed, not really anticipating any texts from rin for the next hour or so, given the fact that he was at the gym. so you were surprised when you heard a familiar tune come from your phone— one specifically assigned to his contact. you had no idea why he would be texting you. 

you’re absolutely floored at what you see; jaw left hanging and eyes practically bulging out of their sockets, almost dropping the phone.

it's a gym picture. he's doing a normal pose, nothing too special. he’s standing in front of the mirror, one hand shoved into the pocket of his shorts, and the other holding onto his phone. his face was partly covered by his phone, but you could see the blush spread across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. but it wasn’t that that got your attention— no, it was something entirely different.

he was wearing a sleeveless compression shirt, giving you a full view of his arms. they were glistening in sweat and perfectly toned. the arm that was propping his phone up was slightly flexed, from the position it was in, adding to the bulk and definition in his biceps. and you could see the veins traveling up the arm of his hand, the one that was shoved into his pocket, crawling up from the back of his hand to his forearm. the bright overhead lighting, with a combination of the dim background lighting, served to emphasize every line and crevice of his exposed skin. 

“this what you wanted?” came a message right after, “i know you’re reading this right now, respond.” you felt weak. he definitely researched how to do this.

words couldn't describe how you felt. so, your immediate response was to send him a flurry of incoherent texts; a mixture of randomly pressed keys and crying emojis. but that’s what feeds his ego— your reactions are what makes smile smugly to himself, covering his lips with his hands as he reads your texts over. he starts to send you gym pictures more consistently after that, patiently waiting for your response after each one. at this point, it’s become a part of his gym routine.

itoshi sae drapes his arm over the back of your seat while reversing.

driving with sae was a true test of control— specifically, yours. it had become increasingly hard to focus whenever he was driving, with every little motion of his body seeming to pull your attention away from the road. he was just so distracting, to the point that you had started offering to drive instead. yet to no avail, because he always insisted on being the driver, furthering your silent suffering in the passenger's seat. but, there was nothing more testing than whenever he was reversing the car.

it’s an internal battle; it takes everything in you not to ogle him so openly. and somehow, you’re losing a battle to yourself.

it’s as if your eyes instantly become magnetized to sae— the way he moves when he rests his arm so casually, yet so securely, on the back of your headrest’s frame. and it doesn’t help that this position gives such a perfect view of him. the way the muscles in his arm ripple and flex ever so slightly, but visibly, under his loose dress shirt. the way his folded sleeves ride up every time, and the exposed part of his forearm constantly taunts you to take a peek. you hate that you suddenly become hyperaware of everything he does in that moment. especially his fingers, and the way they tickle the back of your neck, almost touching you but not quite there.

you have to hold back the subtle shudder that sweeps over your body.

it feels like he’s taking up so much space, demanding you to notice him. the way the scent of his cologne wafts over to you, the bergamot and sandalwood notes of it slowly overwhelming your senses. the faint shift in his posture, emphasizing the subtle stretch of his neck, giving you a view of his collarbones and necklace. and the way his lips curve ever so slightly when he speaks, his voice in a low tone, with his eyes flitting over to you momentarily before they’re back on the road.

it has to be intentional, he has to be aware of what he’s doing. “you’re doing this on purpose,” you mutter under your breath, willing yourself to turn away and look out the window.

“doing what on purpose?” he asks, but the mirth in his tone is evident— you can practically hear the tiny smirk that’s splayed on his lips. you’ve concluded that he’s sick in the head, that he’s playing with you right in your face. “i’m just making sure we don’t get into a crash, you baby.” and you willingly fall for it, every time.

nagi seishiro becomes clingy when it's just the two of you.

laying in your lap, while you’re absorbed in your own hobby, is one of nagi’s favorite pastimes. it keeps him close to you, but allows you both to do your own thing. sometimes, he’d take a nap while you work, one hand loosely holding onto yours in his sleep. other times, he’d play video games on his phone, making sure his volume is turned all the way down to not distract you. but most of the time, he likes to just lay there and admire you, with a barely noticeable smile on his lips.

but he becomes somewhat miffed whenever your hair falls in front of your face, blocking his (initially) flawless view of you. and it annoys him more whenever you don’t push it out of the way.

so, he decided to take it upon himself to move it for you, arm lazily stretched up to reach for you. you barely noticed it at first, so absorbed in the book that you were reading. the sensation of his fingers ghosting over your cheeks doesn’t register in your mind, and his touch is barely there. and then you feel it. his fingers are in your hair, gathering the strands on the back of his hand before he’s brushing it out of the way. it’s so gentle, the way he locks your hair behind your ear, and the way his hand lingers a little longer on your skin after. his fingers then travel from your ear to your jawline, finger lightly tracing the side of your jaw, and it makes you curl in on yourself at the feeling. (it tickles, but also oddly comforting.) and then, he’s pulling his arm back down to reach for your wrist instead, fingers wrapping around it.

your skin is tingling, and the surface of your skin feels warm— taken aback by the sudden act of affection. you glance down at him with a curious look, only to see that he’s already staring attentively at you, and you feel his hold on you tighten. “you know,” you begin, “you could’ve just asked me to do it for you.”

"you always get so lost in whatever you're doing," he mumbles slowly, his voice sounding almost whiney at the fact. his hand, the one firmly holding onto your wrist, is traveling up until it’s wiggling the book out of your hand. (you don’t miss the small furrow of his brows when you jokingly grip onto the book, before giving in and letting it fall to the side.) he takes this chance to intertwine your fingers, his larger hands completely enveloping yours. "i don't mind it, but i hate when i can’t see you."

michael kaiser holds intense eye contact with you when you're talking.

at times, you found it hard to talk to kaiser. he's constantly exuding such an intense confidence, one that's often present in his gaze, that you could never truly hold face-to-face conversations with him. you're always shying away from it, crumbling under the intensity, and he finds twisted pleasure in how flustered it makes you. the way the words always die on the tip of your tongue whenever your eyes meet, when you see that his focus is locked on you

it makes you look away, because it's the only thing you can do to escape it. but kaiser doesn't like it when you're looking away from him— he wants your attention. he wants to see you when you talk excitedly about your day.

he’ll get that attention however way he can. from where you're seated on the couch gives him quick access to you. you can feel his tattooed hand crawling up the skin of your thighs, sliding up slowly, leaving a trail of goosebumps as he goes. he stops short of the hem of your shorts, planting his hand firmly on the spot. he gives it a firm squeeze, fingers digging into the plush of your thighs— trying to get you to cave into him. “why won’t you look at me when you talk?” he’s leaning into you, invading your personal space despite the spacious couch. you can feel his breath on the shell of your ear with each word, “mein liebling, i want to see you when you talk. look at me.”

“you can listen to me talk without needing me to look at you,” you swallow, and his grip tightens ever so slightly at your words.

you're shifting awkwardly, trying to ignore the way your heart beats a little faster at the proximity, at the fact that his voice has started to sound almost pleading. almost— because he would never admit to something as desperate as pleading. it’s hard to focus when he’s this close, when he’s right there. his fingers remain on your thigh, tracing deliberate lines over your skin, and despite the way you're trying to resist, you can feel your resolve crumbling.

it’s not every day that you see someone like kaiser be on the precipice of begging for your attention. 

“i promise, i’ll stop teasing you. look—” his other hand is hooking under your chin, coaxing you to look at him. and you do— his eyes, once intense and teasing, now holds a softer and almost guilty looking gaze. “keep talking, yeah?”

oliver aiku likes to loosen his necktie with one hand after a formal event.

neckties are the worst, an opinion oliver will stand by ‘til the end of time. he absolutely despises having to put one on for formal events, and he’ll do his best to charm his way out of having to wear one. it never works, so the second he puts it on, he’s already thinking of the moment he gets to pull it off of himself. he doesn’t think much of it when he does it— one finger looping in the space between his neck and necktie, and he’s pulling at it without care.

but recently, he’s started to notice how intently you’d been staring each time he did it.

oliver’s got a keen-eye; not even the smallest thing can get past him. he drinks in the sight of you when he does it, eyes fixed on you, and taking joy in the fact that you don’t even seem to notice. you’re too busy being fixated on his hand, and the way the vein on his hand becomes prominent when he flexes it to pull, or the way his fingers seem to play around with the fabric. your eyes are so sharp, but somehow so unfocused, all at the same time. he loves how it gets you worked up.

it’s entertaining, so he takes it up a notch.

he drags his fingers, slowly, down to the first button of his shirt. and then he’s unbuttoning it with one hand, putting in extra effort in exposing his collarbones. he can’t fight the grin that makes its way to his lips, at your reaction— your eyes are widening, and he can visibly see you gulp at the sight. and then your eyes are shooting up to meet his, and his grin becomes impossibly wider.

“like what you see?” the teasing and flirtatious lilt in his voice is unmistakable, and you can’t help but draw your eyes back down to where his hand is twirling the tie around his fingers. he makes you tick, but he’s also so attractive, and you hate that he can easily make you blush with his words.

“you wish.” you choose to look away with a scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “it’s gonna take more than that.” that makes him oddly excited, brows raising in mild surprise, and you honestly should’ve known better. it’s like you’re offering up a new challenge to him, and he gladly accepts.

oliver still hates neckties; that’s an opinion that will never change. he still looks forward to the second he gets to pull it off. except now, he gets to play a little game with you while he does it.

yukimiya kenyu keeps a hand on your back at all times, in public.

it’s a habit formed purely from the fact that the streets of shibuya have the tendency to become really crowded, and yukimiya hates it when you get separated from him in such a crowd. he likes it when you’re right by his side— he can keep a close eye on you at all times and protect you from getting pushed around. and originally, it started off with holding your hands. it was fine during the colder seasons, providing the two of you with extra warmth. but you had both quickly realized that it could become quite uncomfortable during summer, making your hands all sweaty and sticky.

so he experimented. he let his arm drop from your shoulders to the small of your back, his palm hovering over your skin, initially unsure of how you would react.

“is this okay?” he would lean down to whisper in your ear, and his voice was so gentle and so concerned about you. even when he was the one getting shoved around by the crowd, with people constantly running into the sides of his shoulders, he was still only thinking about you. you and your comfort. “tell me if this is uncomfortable, and i’ll figure something else out. okay?”

it made you shiver— you felt a heat crawl up your spine, and your stomach was immediately fluttering with butterflies.

you nod, “no, this is okay.” more than okay, actually, but you keep that to yourself. “thank you for asking.” he flashes you one of his pretty smiles, and he leans up to look straight ahead in the crowd again. but this time, his touch is more present— his palm is now firmly planted onto your skin, and he’s actively weaving you through the crowded streets.

whenever someone would get too close to you, or if he anticipates that someone is about to crash into you, his hand would travel to the side of your waist. and yukimiya grips on it, pulling your body flush against his side, effectively pulling you out of the way. “sorry,” he’ll whisper an apology, not having intended to hold you so tightly. his hands will go right back to where they initially were, not without trailing his fingers on the way back, leaving sparks tingling across your skin where he touched. “did i hurt you?”

“no, i’m fine,” you can keep your hand there, you almost tell him. it drives you insane that everything he does is unintentional— but maybe, one day, you'll be able to tell him exactly what you’re thinking.

© rindreamery, 2024

tags. @choccorin @mininji

[autumnrory]

of course after three weeks of waiting i finally got comments on my lab results BEFORE i went to my friend's birthday tonight ksjdfjs like really anyway it wasn't much she at least said the thyroid was normal but it's like okay but it's gotten closer to leaving the normal range and like at least four people in my family have had the underactive thyroid so like! why don't we just get me on something for it preemptively

and then at least she's not putting me on anything even though the cholesterol is still high it IS better which a little acknowledgement of that fact would be nice lol but i have been exercising a mere extra fifteen minutes and it gets me so much sweatier (and think what that would be like when the heat is running full blast in the winter) and goes later into the evening like i HATE it and i was trying to work up to another extra fifteen minutes after that and i really don't want to lol but idk what else to do! like! i work an office job i really am not moving a lot during the day and even without the worry about heart disease i know it's not good to spend so much time not moving and all

AND THEN she said bc of my hematocrit (which sounds like it's red blood cells i guess they literally don't even tell you anything but the names of things and the range they're supposed to be in so you have to google what the fuck these tests are ) i should increase my fluids and i drink a good bit of water and i really don't even drink much else like. coffee in the morning or the occasional glass of milk but other than that it's like all water all the time like girlie could there not be another underlying cause for this particular thing because oh my god i do not need to hydrate more

and it's annoying because on the portal it's not like i can reply directly to her comment so i would have to send a message and hope she actually fucking replied since nobody ever did when i originally asked about the blood work and if they HAD i could've asked questions AT my appointment instead of playing this dumb fucking waiting game

[urmum-lovesme]

Ok but toxic!dad!rafe where this don’t effect the children’s life but when it come to the mother of his kids he’s still very overprotective. I mean she is a MILF.

This is the best thing I've ever heard anon I hope both sides of your pillow are cold.

Toxic!Rafe as a dad?

Surprisingly present. 

His kid adores him, and in their eyes, he’s just their cool, protective father. He spoils them, takes them out on the yacht all the time, and he makes sure they have everything they could ever want. He told himself he would never be like Ward if he ever became a father, and he- for a change- was living up to his word.

But when it comes to their mom? That’s where the real problem is.

Because Rafe does not change when it comes to Y/N.

Y/N falling pregnant, certainly wasn't planned. It wasn’t supposed to happen. She was young, she had a future and more than anything, she wasn’t sure if she even wanted to stay with Rafe, let alone have a baby with him. She didn't tell Rafe right away. Not because she was hiding it, but because she knew- deep in her gut- that he wouldn’t react like a normal person. She needed time to think, to weigh her options, to figure out what she wanted before he got involved.

But Rafe found out anyway.

Y/N had been so incredibly careful, she didn't leave any trace of the positive pregnancy test in Tannyhill; but he just knew her too well, sensed that something was off when she stopped drinking.

“What?”

His voice was quiet at first, his brows furrowed, like he didn’t quite believe what he was hearing. But then the realisation hit. His blue eyes darkened, his jaw tightened, and he stepped closer, the room suddenly feeling too small. His voice was calm, but there was something dangerous underneath it.

“You were gonna tell me, right?”

“Rafe, I—I don’t know what I’m going to do yet—”

Wrong answer. His hand shot out, gripping her jaw, forcing her to look at him.

“The fuck do you mean, you don’t know?” His breath was hot against her face, his fingers digging into her skin.

“That’s my kid, Y/N.”

Her stomach churned, her heart hammering against her ribs.

“I just- Rafe, I need time to think—”

“No, you don’t.”

He cut her off, shaking his head like the idea itself was ridiculous, angrily running a hand through his messed up hair.

“You don’t need to think. It’s already decided.”

She tried to take a step back, but his grip tightened, his other hand settling on her waist, firmly keeping her closer to him.

“We’re having this baby.”

Her breath caught in her throat as the words passed his lips, tears stinging her eyes before she could stop the feeling.

“I don’t- Rafe, this is my choice—”

His fingers pressed harder, his face inches from hers.

“No, it’s ours.”

Even now when they have a child together, he still watches her like a hawk. Still gets unreasonably possessive when she dresses a certain way, still makes a scene when he catches another man looking at her for a second too long. And she knows better than to fight him on it- most of the time.

It’s a summer afternoon, and she’s lounging by the pool, drink in hand, wearing a bikini that makes Rafe’s jaw clench. The sun was high, casting a golden glow over her as she adjusted the thin strap of her bikini top. It was tiny- too fucking tiny. The black fabric barely covered her tits, which, thanks to breastfeeding, were even fuller now, spilling slightly over the edges. His jaw clenched as his gaze dragged down, taking in the way the strings hugged her hips, digging into soft, newly gained curves that had him gripping the bottle in his hand just a little harder.

His friends are over, and while they’re talking, his eyes keep flicking toward her, watching the way the fabric clings to her curves. And then- Topper nudges him, nodding toward one of the new neighbours talking to her.

Rafe’s face goes dark.

She’s laughing at something the guy said, totally unaware of the way Rafe’s grip tightens around his beer bottle. He doesn’t make a scene- not yet- but when the guy finally walks away, Rafe strides over, towering over her as she peers up from her sun bed. His voice is deceptively smooth, but she knows that tone.

"Having fun, baby?"

"Yes."

His fingers skim her thigh, tracing the edge of her bikini bottoms.

"You looked like you were having a little too much fun."

She sighs, pushing her sunglasses up to rest on her head, she had a feeling she knew exactly where this was going.

"Seriously?"

"Dead serious." He leans down, voice dropping.

"Go inside and cover up."

She scoffs, shifting to sit up, the towel underneath her crumpling slightly as she moved,

"It’s our backyard and it's a pool party-."

"-I don’t give a fuck."

"Rafe, you’re being ridiculous."

"Yeah?" His grip tightens on her thigh.

"Then why’s he looking at you like he wants to fuck you?"

Her stomach flips.

"Stop," she hisses, even as heat creeps up her neck. But Rafe just smirks, leaning in so only she can hear.

"Maybe I should remind you who you belong to, huh?"

Her breath catches.

And the way he says it? The way his hand tightens on her thigh, just enough to send a warning? It sends a shiver down her spine, even as she glares at him. Because she knows- if she doesn’t listen now, he’ll make her.

Somehow, their kid never see this side of Rafe, he makes sure of it.

To them, their dad is just protective, he just 'cares about mommy so much!'. They never see the way their mother bites her lip in frustration when Rafe pulls her away from conversations. They never see the bruises he leaves- not always from violence, but from gripping her too tight, kissing her too hard. They don’t hear the way she argues in hushed tones behind closed doors, or the way she eventually gives in and melts into him anyway.

Because as much as she hates his jealousy and his control, she loves him too much to walk away.

He is the father of her child after all