#but I will next time b/c this was so good!
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Caster SFW alphabet
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Due to the circumstances of her life she is ready to both give and receive any form of affection. She’s very careful about finding out and sticking to your preferred love languages.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
As usual with Fate someone has to be master and someone has to be a servant. As a friend she can be a bit of a tease but is nice overall.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
She almost always falls asleep when cuddling. The feeling of warmth and security really helps her relax.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Caster tries very hard to be a good housewife to varying degrees of success. Most of the time before cooking anything she has Shirou give her a lesson. She’s happy to clean as long as it doesn’t intrude on your time together. If it does she’s having the golems do it. One thing she does excel at is sewing, she’s great at fixing up your clothes and even making new ones.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
You will be betrayed and killed.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
While she would be over the moon if you proposed it’s very hard to actually pull it off. If she sees you moving around suspiciously or trying to keep something from her her paranoia will get the better of her. This will most likely lead to you getting stabbed and bleeding while she monologues about how she saw through you and knew you were cheating. When you tell her about the ring she immediately does a 180° and starts apologising through tears while healing your wound and saying how happy she is.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
No matter what kind of person you are or what she’s doing she always has an extremely delicate touch.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Everytime you get back home she jumps you with a hug giddy to show you what she’s been working on in your absence.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
She would not hold back about gushing to anyone who will listen how much she loves you but only if you’re not present. When she attempts to say it directly to you she gets incredibly shy.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
Easily gets jealous due to her paranoid nature.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
She would enjoy long romantic kisses.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
She is honestly amazing with children. Actual peak parent material.
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
She’d be very happy if you two had a routine together. Nothing special but things like brushing teeth next to each other, making breakfast together and that kind of stuff.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
She likes going on walks with you at night. The empty streets allowing you to soak in each other's presence.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
A big part of the relationship would be helping her deal with the way her past has affected her so it would be a gradual process.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Mostly patient but there are certain things that tick her off really quickly.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
She would do her best to remember a lot of the things about you.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
It would be the first time she got paranoid and thought you were doing something behind her back only to be proven wrong. It’s something that may seem stupid but it means a lot to her.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
She would put so many protective spells on you that you might actually end up bulletproof.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
She would always have elaborate plans she ropes anyone she can into.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
If I haven’t made it obvious yet she has major paranoia/trust/attachment issues.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
She is far more interested in putting you in cute outfits than dressing herself up. Combined with her sewing skills you’re in for quite something.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Losing the one person in her life that didn’t use or betray her would definitely lead her into going completely insane and lashing out.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
At some point in the relationship when her insecurities get the best of her she would decide to use a love potion on you. However whatever she’d try seemingly wouldn’t work. She tried slipping it into your drink, putting it in food and even convincing you to drink it directly but nothing seemed to have an effect. She knew it should be working due to her proficiency in crafting and she even tested it on other people. She would eventually confront you about using some form of protection magic or being under the influence of someone else’s spell. This leads to you explaining that there’s no change because there’s nothing to change. She has never been more embarrassed in her life.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
She would not enjoy you being secretive.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
She insists on always sleeping with you no matter how small the bed.
#x reader#sfw alphabet#fate x reader#fate#fate stay night#fate stay night x reader#fate/stay night#fate series#medea#caster medea#medea caster#fate medea#medea fate#fate stay night caster
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Me: I'm not sure if my health can withstand a commute. Should I try to go in tomorrow?
Apollo: no
Me: should I plan to work from home?
Apollo: no
Me: ...
Apollo:
Me: migraine?
Apollo: migraine.
#(cue it starting immediately afterwards)#i managed to take some painkillers in time to stave the migraine off but i still felt like shit the next day#so i couldnt have worked regardless#this was monday night (and tbf sunday & monday were *extremely* tiring days. i was falling asleep while crocheting & playing ac#which is rare even considering my fatigue issues)#yes/no divination has been great as a way to consult apollo without pulling out the tarot deck (which is more time consuming and takes#a *lot* more spoons)#the only issue is that when i do the stones or tarot i tend to get on a Divination Kick tm which is. not helpful b/c what am i going to do??#i've already finished asking what i needed to ask???#i should probably funnel that burst of dopamine/hyperfixation into researching different methods actually#gonna add that to the routine#also! working out the kinks with the yes/no method. doing it on my floor? no good. inconsistent results. Feels Bad. Loud#doing it on my bed? wonderful 10/10. very consistent results. Feels Good. not loud#i still do tarot on the floor though b/c having a flat sturdy surface is nice#for reference: my commute is 2-2.5 hrs each way via public transit. the sensory experience drains me *very* fast if im not careful and#we're in Purgatory Weather season where it's *juuust* warm & humid enough to maybe be a problem but isnt one For Sure#*and* the state fair is on so the trains are gonna be packed when im trying to get home#coriander says#helpol#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#apollo#theoi#pagans of tumblr#hellenic community#paganblr
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Me: I got a 25 on the ACT!
Mom: it won't get you into BYU, especially with your math grade the way it is.
Me: I have a 3.7 GPA, and I can always retake the ACT?
Mom: you're going to need a really good admissions essay if you want to get into BYU.
Me: thanks, mom.
#25 without even studying#so anyways now i don't want to tell her about my AP test score#it's a 3 which means that I passed#but at the same time#I'm always told to do better#and there's no validation there#just do better so you can get into your dream school#like mother. i'm trying!#but do you know what straight a's get me? panic attacks every time i get anything less than an A#do you want to repeat 9th grade where i was told that every second counted towards college and you'd have to hold me#as i cried at 10 pm at night because I thought I wasn't good enough#and it's taken me literal years to finally reach the conclusion that my grades aren't everything and even then i still panic#whenever i get anything less than a C#the math grade was an outlier from a set of horrible circumstances#i finished 11th with 5 A's two B's and a D and you come after me for the D#it's always 'do better; your grades suck' when I have one bad grade#i'm taking 3 AP classes next year because I want to college credit#I was on the honor roll the entirety of junior high#I'm working towards a chord at graduation#maybe one day i'll be praised for everything i've sacrificed just to be good enough#i know that I need better grades and scores for BYU#and I've literally been working my ass off to get into BYU my entire life
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Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do
#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working#im gonna fucking riot#im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating#i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing#but i want to do SOMETHING#i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time#or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again#if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still#i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK#is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW#i legitimately dont remember#personal#jay rambles#mental health cw#depression cw#im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks#im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours#which i cant afford atm#i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention
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also untelated but still work related
today was
interesting
#someone was having. some kind of issue today. vomit and shit on themself? i think? and maybe blood but idr if i heard that or not#and then they were arguing with paramedics and firefighters and i think i heard my coworker tell a manager#that they were threatening an employee? so i assume cops were called#i passed by and up to the break room right before shit went down apparently#someone ELSE decided to grab food w their hands from the wing bar so we had to distress the entire tray and my coworker shut#the wing bar down early (tbh tho this was a good move bc it meant i actually finished cleaning ON TIME)#pretty much EVERYONE ELSE clocked out by 2pm besides coworker A (who i was closing with) and coworker B (who left at 5pm)#aaaand me and coworker A were kinda talking a little shit about coworker C and suddenly C was there (luckily A saw them before C got close#enough to hear us 😅 (also it wasnt that bad of shit. moreso just gripes bc C is pretty lazy sometimes and its annoying. but C's chill))#anywho#im gonna crash now im working the next 3 days in a row#amber's shit you can ignore
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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the slowly-growing urge to relisten to the pgu vs the fact that i Cannot do that rn
#pgu#a) i am currently listening to another audio series (l'última bruixa; very good so far would recommend) and want to finish that first#b) i promised myself i wouldn't listen to any english audiodrama (minus the next 8das) until i go back to the uk in july#(i'm trying to do the whole linguistic immersion thing as much as possible while i'm here + audio is not gonna be an exception)#c) i'm just. busy. i have not got the time for a relisten lol#but god is the temptation growing :/
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may have my first for-profit larvesta breeding pair on pixelmon
#for my next project ill probably invest more into eevee#and also try to work on breeding mudkip and charmander on the side#but both arent all too common so it could take some time#sightings#as a note: for-profit meaning that theyre good for breeding to sell b/c to dodge breeding tax for 80%+ IV pokemon u need to make#their offspring untradeable#these are both mid-70% IV larvesta so i dont need to worry abt breeding tax and i can sell any BP babies they make <3
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„i’m sorry bestie” WAS CRAZY who wrote that 😭😭
#season 2 is kinda insane#i’m trying to commit to finishing my rewatch i got sidetracked#next rewatch i’m gonna b writing analysis😋😋#crusty world domination#but also like the writing is kinda weak sometimes#but sometimes it’s rlly good (i’m scared bc next up is Qui)#qui was so insane to me#the good thing the first time through i didn’t notice like any issues at all so the writing wasn’t THAT bad i was also like. c#completely fixated on the show tho#was not thinking at all#so that might explain jt#but on the rewatch i notice way more#anyways pray for me i’m starting Qui#yellowjackets
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*
#I’m doing Arabic tutoring a few times a week#because my Arabic is okay#but I really want to use it for my next project#and definitely for my dissertation#so it would be good to be able to read at a higher speed with better accuracy#anyway#my tutor (who is very sweet and a university student) asked me yesterday if it was okay to ask my age#I said it was fine and that I’m 23#she started giggling and admitted that she thought I was 16#maybe 17 max#I have to teach undergrads after I finish my orals. in a year and a half#and apparently I look like a child#I can’t say I’m surprised b/c I’m the youngest in my PhD cohort#but this really is going to be a mess#that does explain why I constantly get carded#even just walking into a bar
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Started playing Kaycee’s Mod, nobody told me that you don’t automatically start with a squirrel totem-
I’ll do more requests tomorrow after work :>
#im sure I’m going through the list of challenges like oh easy I could live without the clover or the hook or only having two items sure#who cares if the pelts cost more that’s fine#HE DIDNT MENTION THAT MY TOTEMS DON’T JUST COME WITH A SQUIRREL TOP NOW#like I haven’t gotten blood or bones or anything that make the squirrels a real problem for leshy to deal with#b u t I w a n t t h e m t o h a v e t h e c h a n c e#anyways I got to the second half of the trappers fight and then lost djdjdjdjsj which is pretty good considering I had all of the challenges#on and just went for it#I did notice a little canvas paint brush thing on the map (that I didn’t go to :( ) so that’s also something to do next go around#good news is I did discover the value of a ring worm#which I feel will help lots for this#anywho djjdjsjsjs sleep time#inscryption
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Okay. I did my shopping at the place that has the one sale like once a year and also because I pinch pennies about this signed up to the rewards/loyalty system. I have gotten 10 emails or something now because I get a fucking email every time I 'earn points' by doing something like clicking on a thing. I mean, good to know, but also, g-d-fucking-damn it's so fucking annoying ARGH
Plus clicking on all those things didn't let me use my money off reward in conjunction with the discount sale code so what was even the point. Ugh.
#i am annoyed because I did the clever (imo) thing and bought 2 of the thing in case idk it sells out before the next entire year#in case it tears or something; it's so annoying when you get a good clothing item but then when you need another one it's discontinued#or something#but#that means more money#so now i have less money left for the other basic underwear i need to buy from the other place#g-d i hate this.#i was also hoping to have some money left over to buy like a slightly less basic set of things to feel nice about myself#now that my body is all different#but alas#i don't even feel like i'm being frivolous my money is literally going to a) replacing knickers i sized out of#b) basic knickers for work#c) perhaps an item from my wishlist that has been there for years#and only very hopefully d) a set of Some Nice Things#but after spending money on (a) i am already like. fuck. i don't wanna spend more money on other things.#like - should i even?#but even in (b) there's one item that is a replacement because i fucking ordered it in the correct size last time but the owner was like#'i saw your order and i think a size down might be good? seeing as you previously ordered xyz' and i was like 'okay you're the owner#happy to go with your rec'#and it was wrong and i was right originally but exchanging it would be like. about the same price to post the damn thing back as buying it#again since they gave me a code for half off but really i kinda wish they could just give me a new one free since ughhh#i am distinctly getting the feeling that if i buy this basic set of things i will already be upset about having spent this much money#and that it will have already been more than i wanted to spend#and then not get anything else#argh#scream. cry.#personal
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🎉🎉🎊🎇🎆 WAHOOO 🎆🎇🎊🎉🎉
IM FUCKING BACK OMG!??!?!!?!??!??!?
thank you [tumblr] but also PESTENG YAWA NIMO [tumblr]
#so what happened was that my account got RANDOMLY TERMINATED LOL (how fun 🙃!!! /s)#i'm not gonna regale you the whole story of last week (yet)#(bc i've been TRYING to do that here on the tags but [tumblr] keeps on lagging on me & kept making me accidentally backspace every tag)#so here's the summery of what happened to me for the past week (contradicting what i said two tags earlier but w/e):#got banhammered by mistake#naively wasted time ''''contacting'''' support (I mean that's what they put in the suspension screen so you know)#the next day found the account recovery thing on [tumblr]'s help page#proceeded to NOT look up on what to do & sent two tickets TWICE 🤦🏻♀️#later found a tumblrina's actually helpful advice post & found out that all that didn't matter bc#a) it's the weekend for support team so good luck with those automated emails that wont do shit bc#b) my waking hours are closed hours for them & they're open around when i'd go to sleep AND#c) since i've now sent those two tickets (should've been one) i now have to wait about a WEEK just in case they got them but#d) if i'm still terminated after the week. THEN i can send another ticket#so i had to make myself be busy with anything else that's not [tumblr] for a week#during which time i set up alarms for yesterday evening to send a ticket later that night#so the week passed & it was yesterday evening#i was SO READY to do what i planned to do that night#you know what happened? I SLEPT THROUGH THE ALARMS & NEARLY THE ENTIRE NIGHT 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤬🙃😵💫#i was LUCKY i woke up at around 4 AND immediately remembered ''OH SHIT THE COMPLAINT!!!''#so i sent it#& as soon as i ooened yt to wait an email was sent#thought it was another automated email so i opened it#but iT WAS AN ACTUAL EMAIL TELLING ME MY ACCOUNT' S BEEN REINSTATED WOOHOO!!!!! 🎉🎊💥🎊🎇😭😭😭😭😭😭#so now I'm back. back from [tumblr] suspension limbo#& EEWWW WHAT'S THIS TUMBLR LIVE SHIT GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE#*proceeds to snooze tumblr live for the week* thank goodness they're gone#kinda funny though since last week when i got back here (before the termination) one of the things on my dash was the whole poll bonanza#(& vanilla extract or whatever)#anyways i can now go back to soaking up the unhinged vibes of this wretched place (affectionate)#babble on the tower
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ok i can talk abt work now. i got hired to assist the main person who runs inventory and communicates with the vendors, orders plants and products etc etc. its been hard and mostly office work but insanely rewarding.
#logbook#they have me sitting at a desk ik they had to pull from someones ass in the corner of the main room next to her#this first week i went thru and counted every perennial they have on property and then went into the system and cycle counted it properly.#come mon i go back thru sales and if a plant want sold in 22 then i archive it. . .going to be so much work lol#i miss working outside with every fiber of my being but im also starting from the bottom with this job. . .im not at the top of pack here.#and ive been enjoying this aspect of the plant world so im honestly satisfied for right now. and i love the ppl i work with in the office.#we had a staff meeting yesterday and i texted c after going 'man im so relieved to know they still have workplace problems lol'#cause its really a priveledge to work in a garden center like this. . .imo.#anyways im full time<3 and ive been told i can come in earlier then i have been come march.#plus i get an employee discount lol. . .going to be so bad with the houseplants. theres a fern i really want if its still there mon.#im apparently doing all the work faster than anyone expected. .i thought i was going slow lmao#also she let me into the system on my first day and she told me she never does that. . .i was like 🥺#also i texted j this week and she said that the b+tes ppl go into l+wes and get lumber and said i was a hard worker and good!!#i was like ???? hello??? bc at that point id only worked 2 days. . and i still dont know who it was either.#ive been having fun tho. this week i'll take pics of the plants that are actually flowering. . .and some shrub closeups.#also checked in my first delivery on wed i think. it was fine. ik product and can count and i care so its not like its hard. .#going to be doing that all spring. . .whew.
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spontaneous dig for marble hornets gamers from this decade < ago event, i guess aptly everyone seemed pretty elusive in the limited documentation but they were ready for "sickos show up for their sick little mask purchases" it seems
#how many Official(tm) Used(tm) marble hornets masks were ever auctioned off? i would bet half or 2/3 were obtained thusly lol#marble hornets#a little pre [Quite common to have phones w/good cameras] a little pre [consistent usage of social media that's now readily findable]#iirc people were ready to pool money here....menaces!#they might've taken that picture because of the previous year's auction....when it was Just Me#& i bought the MH mask for i believe $94....the highest selling item by far; other top sellers were maybe like more around $20 or $30#and that next year (pictured) an event employee was saying they remembered me winning it the prev year b/c of the price#and my enthusiasm afterwards in apparently being visibly like [hell yes] lmfao. there weren't a ton of pics in this album of Bidders#so i'm saying like lol lmao if that was the precedent like ah classic the sickos and their mask bids; get a pic of that#think it went for something in the $70s that time#like my experience buying the proper alex kralie american eagle outfitters discontinued hoodie off ebay a couple of times lol#a better fitting one that i got for a lot less....#pounced on the first one encountered though like hardly guaranteed that you'll see another listing again#Just Like Behind The Scenes Marble Hornets where they had to delay a video for like weeks b/c they had to find a new one lol. f
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GRADE SALVAGED!
#i got a b on my midterm so now my worst class is at a d instead of failing#which for me is good news bc a d will get the credits and there's still time to get a c#and tomorrow i can work on the next assignment and turn it in early bc it's an easier one#big ass sigh of relief rn i feel better
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