#but I was very much in a bad mindset of 'I have to be perceived this way and anyone who gets it wrong is being mean!!!'

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

I think people using he/him for fake bean might mean it in the way they'd refer to a dog of unknown gender (i.e. "Look at him go!")

But using they/them myself I understand how annoying this can be lmao.

(That is a fair point! I am guilty of this too, so I definitely see where you are coming from!

It can a little frustrating, but it's not like the end of the world to me, and I'm kinda used to it bc pretty much all my sonas/characters are usually perceived as masculine unless they are very outwardly presenting in a feminine way (and even then it's 50/50 hdshdf)

But 99% of the time it is not malicious intent, so there's no need to worry about it too much

Tho that all being said, as a general reminder, please respect people's pronouns if you know them!)

[tae-shimura-is-my-wife]

!Long post!

Ulquiorra and Orihime relationship didn't started as the cutest or nicest thing ever and i can recognize that, but i don't ship them because he kidnapped her (by Aizen's order) or for saying distateful things to Ori.

Ulquiorra it's not a human, he doesn't have moral and lives in a cruel world, which makes sense of why he's so nihilistic, Ulquiorra didn't treat her like a princess at the start and tried to break Ori spirit, but at the moment she didn't acted like anyone else he got surprised and then wanted to understand her and what she is feeling, she literally changed his world view! Only with her feelings Ori made Ulquiorra, a hollow, a "bad creature" question everything what he thought was right.

Ulquiorra not only tried to understand her, but also was slowly chaging his behaviour to her, especially after he listened to her crying because of him, he even protected Ori from Ichigo's attacks when she wasn't necessary to Aizen anymore.

That's the reason why i don't feel uncomfortable, because despite they having a rowdy start, Ulquiorra a corrupted soul was willing to understand and change for Ori. No she didn't fixed him or need to, Ori didn't forced him to anything! He did it HIMSELF! Kinda in a unconsciously way, but because of her!

The idea of this ship for me is them living a peaceful life together after his redemption, not this dark and edgy "omg he kidnapped her so s3xy!" or "he atormented her so many s#xual tension!". Especially because Nel is an example that not all hollows are bad! And a Hollow having a rendemption arc would be amazing c'mon!

I don't speak for everyone in the fandom, because people have different interpretations, but this is how i view them.

This is why they often paralled to Beauty and the Beast, a nice and kind girl changed Beast worldview and willing to change his behaviour, because of her! She didn't fixed him, he did it himself! And after he become a actually good person, he could live a wonderful life by her side.

[tarotwithdanise]

WHAT MAKES YOU THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THE CROWD?

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

send your donations here

PILE ONE

AoW, Temperance, 6oW.

you are the protagonist when you inspire people. when you become someone who lives actively and someone who became an inspiration to people with it's loving nature and unique ideas. you are the type of person who works for what you want instead of just waiting around the corner. you are the main character if you speak with some body movements or in short when you use have a body languages.

when you put much effort into your appearance for example to be well neat looking. you know what you are doing, you know your damn thing and you how to hype and warm yourself up. when you remain silent and calm when there's an argument, downfall or chaotic moment you are experiencing perhaps it can also determine as a reading for as you are someone who is quite influence people. well, maybe you have a sigma aura within you that's why.

when you talk, or if you put everything into how you look or look to people, and you can also know how to take care of yourself or when to warm up for you. others. if you stay calm even in such chaotic moments of life and if you are patient about something you want to achieve. It can also mean that you influence people's lives quietly or speak too quietly. You make yourself. you seem to enlighten them in a simple but calm way. and you can also be the kind of person who reminds someone not to judge others when they determine their future, like reminding them that just because a certain person has less education doesn't mean they can't achieve high goals in life . you can also be someone who is balanced in his life, someone who treats people with balance, like not rich or poor, but equally. it was also your mindset that makes you the main character. you are a person who achieves a lot in certain areas or wherever; you are talented and people may envy you for it. you are a protagonist when you show how you can communicate well or how you respond to people and their negative opinions about you like you simply know how to burn them without actually hurting them.

PILE TWO

6oC rx, 9oC, Judgement.

shocks, you got an alluring aura that may remain a lifetime for people. you are powerful, anyone you pass by turns their heads. you are hard to let go, it's not simple for people for you to forget even though you interact with them for only once. you were also matured and grew up that fast in such a very young age due to your past mostly childhood issues perhaps you are learning and openly willing to resolve this issues. you also know how to pleasure yourself in this world, you know what you deserve like you know how to spoil yourself in small and huge things.

you are aware in your dreams and are about to attain them, you are content from what you already have and you know to yourself that you are born lucky despite these past issues ruining you inside. people perceive you as someone who often changes their physical appearance, someone who puts a lot of effort in their outlook. you also know how to defend yourself in the crowd, you fear no one.

PILE THREE

High Priestess, Death, KoW.

you got a psychic ability and you were aware about that. most people may find you as mysterious and well kept, you are mindful about people who can do bad and harm things to you. you are the protagonist as well because due to your high energy, you are easily able to get comfortable with new people and places perhaps maybe sometimes it can take your energy but overall you enjoy new beginnings. you also love to learn and learn and learn a lot, learning new is a part of your everyday life and you may call them new experiences or lessons that you can use on your near future.

i also see here that many people may have crushes or you may be secret admirers, after all, many people perceive you as an attractive and charming individual. you are also focused and serious when we talk about studies and work, you don't want to disappoint yourself because you know you are the best. people view as light and dark, some may have good opinions about while others don't.

you are a knowledgeable person but you prefer to share this knowledge with those people who are worthy of receiving for you. you are quite picky about that because you know that not all this information can be shared to anyone that easily. you are an observant individual, you rather sit back and observe what is happening in your surroundings rather than be a center of attention but as i said you enjoy meeting new people and visiting new places. i describe you as someone who is naturally introvert but selectively extrovert as a protagonist here.

[moonastro]

peoples first impression of you

pick a picture

left to right(top)-> 1,2

left to right(bottom)-> 3,4

°DO NOT take this as literal, take everything with a grain of salt as this is purely and intendedly for entertainment purposes. °Don't be afraid to give feedback and opinions about this post (as I would entirely appreciate it). ° This is a GENERAL reading, take what resonates and leave and pass on what does not!

***IMAGES ARE NOT MINE***

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pile one-

people perceive the resilience that you give out, they are aware that you are not easy to mess with and you aren't as careless as they would have though you are. People often see you as closed off, most likely because of other worries of occurrences in life. You have this courage that is very noticeable and often people see that you are fearless. They see no weakness in you, you will approach life with full confidence and power. Sometimes, you can break your cool but its not because you are needy or arrogant, its because you cant stand unfairness, people notice your ambition to fix a problem especially when it is so obvious. Yeah, you have a very fixed presence and most people can be quite scared to mess up, this can be because of your facial expressions or you could be someone that is hard to impress especially with new people as you don't show your inner self to them yet. Yet you might be seen as someone gullible too. you also can be perceived as someone with their head up high and ignoring their surroundings. This can make it harder for someone to approach you as they see that you are someone who may not be in the mood to talk to people. you may struggle to trust your intuition and you may just take the leap without thinking much of it with the mindset of whatever happens- happens.

first that people notice: your physical health (you may workout or are in great physique), your beauty, your style of clothing (may be very put together and neat), your smile, your limbs.

your vibe to other people:

chic, modest, unbothered, chill, independent, cool, grounded, intellectual, business oriented, career opinionated, vintage, fashion

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pile two-

people may not necessarily notice you, this can be that you don't show yourself or you just prefer to observe from afar. Yeah, people notice how you isolate yourself so they rarely see you hence why others don't see you very much. This may also be that every time someone sees you, you may not have changed that much in terms of style, appearance or attitude which may leave them not have a new impression of you. people notice how you are stuck with old patterns. this may not be a bad thing its just what others observe about you. there is lots of loneliness and others may think you are struggling with something but they feel that they cant help you because you wont allow them. they feel useless. you may have lost someone close or these transformative occurrences keep happening so you may be in constant mourning and grief and may not have time to heal. this is not the end of the world though, they may think that you have something that others may want but you are too focused on he negative. you are very good with words. you have a poetic way of speaking and when you do people are fascinated. people notice your way of thinking and how you come up with solutions very easily and quickly. you may write a lot maybe journal and get your worries out on a piece of paper.

first thing that people notice: your walk, your head pieces (may be headband, ribbon, hair clips and whatever else you wear on your head, may even be glasses), your right hand (may wear significant jewellery on that hand, your clothing colours, odd style.

your vibe to other people:

eccentric, colourful, tired, unbothered, baggy clothing, indie, untidy style, unconventional, alternative, eyes blocked/ covered, unapproachable

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pile three-

people notice your positive view of the world, you may talk or have relations to other people who like your attitude and they may give you job related opportunities. you have good news with money so people give an impression that you are financially stable. you may not like to be in big groups and may not work as well in a team. this may make you quieter that you are or this may make you feel small and useless. you also may not address problems and keep them in. people usually only hear you speak about the positives in life and they wonder what you truly go through as you don't really address those topics. you are rather serious and don't take things lightly. you can take some things too seriously and people notice that about you. you take whatever you have and make it work for you. you are very vocal about your possessions and are not afraid to show off your ideas and abilities. yet, others notice how you work with whatever you are given and you do it well. you are proud of your creations and skills and are not afraid to use them and show them off. people see you as someone who is very proud of themselves. you are quite flirty in nature, you tend to show off your financial earnings in order to get others attention. you are every good with emotions and others see your empathy and interest through your expressions- this makes you very approachable and friendly. people feel like you are someone who they can trust in the long run. on the other end, you constantly regret your actions from the past which can change your mood completely. you have matured well and others notice that.

first thing that people notice: your creativity, your potential (you seem like someone who is on the path to success), your inspirational nature, your ideas, your fighting nature, your motivation, your hair.

your vibe to other people:

classy, successful, positive, fiery, showing your legs/arms, confident, powerful, smiley, expressive, formal, sexy.

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pile four-

you are very hardworking and are always keen to learn and master your skills. people notice how patient you are and very detailed. you take time to get to know something so you will be able to teach someone else. people notice your ability to teach and coach others. you are are very peaceful soul, very laid back and very reserved. you will give others the chance to shine instead of yourself and i feel like only some notice that about you. you sometimes are on the verge of giving up and you are vocal about it. yup, you always give give give. you are the most selfless person that anyone knows. you are so generous that most people can think you are putting up an act but truly you believe that what you give out comes back to you. people notice your curiosity, you may question a lot of things and ask lots of questions to other people. you may also observe and talk about the things others don't care about. you always seek the truth and it may be why you question everything as you wish it would give you answers.

first thing that people notice: your pet (may walk your dog a lot of you may spend time with an animal a lot), your leadership, your vision, your determination, your honesty, your stubbornness, your friendly nature, your structure.

your vibe to other people:

casual, simple, comfortable, easy going, in your own world, warm, natural, open, free, informal, effortless, sincere, not extra, relaxed, placid, flexible.

That is all!! thank you so much for reading, have a good day and i hope something amazing happens today.

[zenokei]

blue lock manga chapter 271 spoilers, mentions, and analysis (this is an absolute word vomit)

my drabbles, understanding, and analysis on the itoshi family goes something like: when the itoshi parents didn’t know how to properly deal with rin’s behavior when he was little but sae seemed to be the only one that can ‘understand’ and ‘get along’ with rin—they unintentionally gave the responsibility to sae.

i suspect that their thinking is something along the lines of “sae seems like he’s got an understanding of rin that we don’t, maybe it’s better that way, he’s rin’s big brother, after all.”

and honestly, i think that’s why we as the readers find the itoshi parents “distant” from the brothers’ lives.

but do i think they’re bad parents? not necessarily, although i also do think that they could’ve done more. but given certain circumstances…it’s kind of subjective.

let’s talk about itoshi mom first

evidently, itoshi mom is a very concerned mother: she doubts herself, she worries for rin (and sae), and she’s generally lost.

and how could she not feel all those things?

i perceive this as she’s a mother who doesn’t distance herself from her children, but because she doesn’t know what to do at all, she seems hopeless and doesn’t have any solution to fix things. naturally, she has the instinct to do what a parent should in times like scolding, etc—however, this is blue lock, everyone has their own ‘ego’, yet some of those inner desires are just cultivated beyond rationality at this point.

(which strengthens my suspicion about the itoshi parents unconsciously putting the responsibility of rin’s behavior onto sae…)

now, itoshi dad

honestly, i don’t have much to say about him, he’s pretty hands off with what’s happening with their children.

as seen, he does seem more composed and lax about everything, and sae definitely got that from him. i wonder if it’s because of itoshi dad’s ‘talks’ (?) with sae that somewhat developed sae to be the big brother he was to rin back when they were little.

i believe the narrative is just implying that he doesn’t think much of the behavioral differences that rin and sae show, even when rin gets injured and gets in trouble, which is a little yikes on his end but that’s just what i understood.

most definitely, the siblings got the trait of being closed off from their dad, lol.

overall, i still don’t believe they’re bad parents whatsoever. however, i do want to talk about my recurring theory that the itoshi parents gradually placed the responsibility of rin’s behavior (and his whole development) onto sae.

let’s discuss the impact of itoshi sae

when sae was around 13-14, he went to spain, and during the pre-teen/teenage years of the itoshi brothers, their family seems rather peaceful.

the itoshi parents—aside from the pride and joy they felt about sae’s success as a rising soccer player—seem rather refreshed, anew, and just happier. they don’t carry the gloom of being worried for their children’s behavior anymore.

but why?

it’s because of rin and sae’s bond over soccer. from a young age, rin has joined his big brother’s soccer team as they both relished the games they could never play with anyone else aside from each other. basically, the itoshi brothers found what they were for. and they definitely got occupied over it.

though i’m only connecting the dots for my own analysis, i firmly believe that the moment rin played soccer with sae, he found a way for his destructive mindset to be utilized. through soccer—the only thing rin has been focusing on—rin was able to effectively let out his desire to break, destroy, and kill what’s “amazing/perfect”.

and who was the only one there by his side, every pass after pass and goal after goal? of course, it’s his big brother. the one to only truly understand and see rin from the very beginning.

honestly, it all makes me wonder if the itoshi parents ever talked to sae one-on-one about rin’s behavior. (which honestly makes sense, because sae seems like a pretty obedient kid). but at the same time, what are the chances it made sae extremely analytical, too?

i mean, sae was deemed a prodigy at what 7 years old? that’s seriously insane. so it shouldn’t be a surprise that all of what’s leading up to the ego of the itoshi siblings plays a big part. i’m leaning on the possibility that sae was somehow influenced by the itoshi parents to be more keen or observant on rin—that or sae was only doing what he did out of pure instinct, that’s entirely plausible.

however, whatever the course may be, the outcome that sae noticed something with rin (even before their ego in soccer) will not change.

from this point onwards is just my random babbles about the itoshi family’s relationship (kind of…)

“but when sae left for spain the itoshi parents didn’t appear to care about rin-” i am not hearing that. we should remember that blue lock is (honestly borderline but whatever) about SOCCER.

i believe the first ever backstory we got of the itoshi siblings was only soccer-centered, and in rin’s perspective/narration. why would his parents be included in his soccer career when they most definitely weren’t?

again, i don’t believe that they’re bad parents.

also, i doubt that itoshi mom would ever just stop worrying about rin, even when he’s grown up! in fact, i think that with sae leaving for spain, she probably felt even worried because their children are separated. yet at the same time, i do see her not knowing what to really do again. perhaps they had no cameo after the airport scene because rin found it irrelevant in regards to soccer and his ego.

but, then again, i’m very certain that the itoshi parents do care for their children, and are still connected to them somehow…just not when it comes to the field.

aside from the second backstory (the most recent one) they look out for them (i assume this goes for rin too). in the character book the egoist bible, sae mentioned how his parents send him salted kelp from home to go with his rice when he asks. additionally, we saw itoshi dad say in their first back story for sae to “take care of your health!” as he leaves for spain. the itoshi parents do seem to care for rin and sae as supportive parents of athletes, however, only in the sidelines, because i personally don’t think it goes deeper than that.

honestly, everything for me is pointing that the itoshi parents aren’t active and present in the itoshi brothers’ soccer careers. not necessarily implied, but in the ‘another blue lock: episode omotesando’, rin is the only one seen that has a ticket to sae’s japan triumphant match. a ticket sae sent—of which i assume—only to him.

although this is all still just my speculation, i am still leaning on that the itoshi parents aren’t really relevant in the itoshi siblings’ soccer life, but rather, they play a role in how they ended up developing.

that’s all!

again, this are just my own thoughts about this chapter. this is not canon by any means and i am not forcefully saying what i am discussing is right and should be deemed the only theory/ies out there.

i’d love to talk more about theories and analyses on blue lock, let’s chat!

[bisexualseraphim]

For the love of Goddd it is not 🤙🏻owning the libs😎 to be all ✨both sides✨ about the Democratic and Republican parties, it’s uhhh denying reality lmao.

If you’ve paid the most minute amount of attention to the US election outside of viral soundbytes you categorically cannot claim that both sides are even remotely the same: completely different views on the working person. Completely different views on reproductive rights. Very different views on gun control. I could go on and on and on.

And yes, they do in fact have different views on Israel. One side is eye-rollingly centrist about the issue but acknowledges the suffering of both Palestinians and Israelis alike and is open to providing aid to Gaza and possibly a ceasefire. The other side openly wants Palestine bombed off the map. If you can’t see that those are verrry different views and that one, although not ideal, is significantly preferable to the other, then sorry but you’re living in a fantasy world of pure naïveté where, in the US and the entire world in their current states, you think you’re going to find a frontrunning politician who isn’t some level of apathetic or straight up hungry towards war. And if you can somehow find one, you’re gonna have to show massive support for them for many years OUTSIDE of election season, not just kick your feet up and only remind people of their existence when two candidates you don’t like are frontrunning against each other. That’s just not how third party support works.

It’s fine to criticise the Democratic party. It’s GOOD to criticise them. They could always be doing more for the most vulnerable and that deserves criticism. Kamala Harris proudly stating she is going to ensure the US has the most lethal military in the world is nothing short of horrifying and not something that should be endorsed by literally anyone; her centrist-level takes on Israel are also very much worthy of criticism.

But this singular issue voting, “both sides are just as bad” mindset a lot of (usually around my age) voters seem to have is seriously concerning to me because you CANNOT base your voting and/or political activism around idealism. Real change just simply does not happen that quickly. You have to work for it and sometimes that means holding your nose and voting for someone whom you’d absolutely end up in a heated argument with over a holiday dinner — because they are a baby step towards someone you’d instead happily shake hands with.

Plus the whole, you know, Donald Trump wants the rich to stay rich, anyone whom he doesn’t perceive to be a white American to never remain in “his” country and for LGBTQ people to be erased in both the historical and literal sense, plus many, many more. A vote that isn’t for Harris/Walz is a vote for Trump/Vance. Remember that.

Vote Blue — and then, HOLD THEM TO ACCOUNT.

[raayllum]

Moon Arcanum Callum + Sun Arcanum Claudia in S7?

Callum getting the Moon arcanum has been a fandom... not theory, but shall we say, prospect, since even before S4. Some of this was because of the seeming set up in previous seasons, such as:

Callum having a hunch that the cube wasn't glowing due to the Moon, and being our first hint at illusions on the Cursed Caldera (1x09)

Lujanne explaining the secret of the arcanum (as she understands it) to him in 2x02

Callum doing moon arcanum spells (3x08, Through the Moon) much the way he did Sky spells before unlocking that arcanum

Callum employing aspects of the Moon arcanum in his plans (3x01 with tricking Sol Regem, creating the illusion pearl in 6x01)

His growing relationship and understanding with Rayla, and potential involvement with her family/village

But especially:

This is of course already reflected in spades in his arc as a mage. Everyone, Lujanne included, believes that humans can't do magic. She treats this as absolute fact and destiny, but Callum perceives it as subjective truth; why can't he just make his own connection and do magic anyway? And in doing so, he changes the world. He creates a radically new, better reality.

With season seven's synopsis on sacrifice and life and death, both things we see tied heavily to Moonshadow culture and the Moon itself, I could see Callum connecting to the Moon arcanum next season for a few reasons (and potentially Claudia with the Sun arcanum, which I'll get to after). So let's get into it.

Precursor

Previously, if Callum was going to connect to the Moon arcanum, I'd speculated it'd mostly be around ideas of the consistency of Love (light or dark, the moon is always the moon) and his love for Rayla being his light in the darkness / the one constant truth of his life. I don't think this anymore, obviously, because we got all those things through the Star truth light ritual beat for beat and we're not going to be repeating, but I did think it'd be worthwhile then to revisit what a Moon arcanum could mean for Callum under new context / emotional epiphanies. I've also always thought either Earth or Sun would suit Claudia, but leaned more towards the latter, so we're gonna talk about that, too.

Truth and Lies and Aaravos

As Lujanne explains in 2x02, the Moon arcanum is understanding the true nature of the relationship between appearances and reality, and we can only understand the appearance itself. This feels like a very fitting idea to come back to with Aaravos, who ostensibly never lies but routinely withholds or presents not entirely correct information. "How may I serve you?" when you're just going to be a pawn. Not telling a mourning Claudia that he was indeed the one who killed Viren so that she'll continue to do his bidding, with Claudia asserting that Aaravos "didn't lie" about the ritual in 6x01, and he didn't. We also see him wield the truth as a weapon with people like Khessa ("would you like to know the truth of her fate before you meet yours?") and Sol Regem (more on that here.)

Everything that he says is truth to him, and then he lifts it up as being objectively true (i.e. you're destined to play into my hands) even when it isn't necessarily true. We can also see Callum veering into mindsets that Claudia and Viren have had, where he believes he's past the point of saving ("I'm ruined, it's too late for me" "Promise me you'll kill me") or removing his own agency by admission ("Finnegrin was going to kill you, I didn't have a choice" / "Every step forward is a choice").

Callum understanding Aaravos' or others' actual truths versus their lies and the ones he's believing could be very fitting in S6, especially if he might be learning more about the existence of the Cosmic Council and who made their world the way it is. I think his existence may help lead to that "slow spiral of chaos" but that it won't be just or even Bad at all the way they'd feared, etc.

Claudia is also linked to lies and truth. She lies to others, but Aaravos notes that "If you tell the truth you will lose her," and she goes looking for her own deep truth in S6, but doesn't seem to fully find it. Terry asks her "What do you need to find your one deep truth?" and Claudia says that she needs her dad, but she and her mother have also made it clear that she "needed to stay with Soren" and her family (vs Viren telling her to pick the egg over Soren). With Viren gone and Aaravos manipulating her, Soren could easily be one of her guiding lights next season or in future seasons.

The Pearl

The moon is analogous, framing/appearance wise, to the prison. This is alluded to in 5x09 through framing, and then made even more direct in 6x09: Aaravos escapes his prison thanks to Claudia and (unbeknownst to her) she has become the prisoner, much like how Callum may physically free himself from chains in 5x08 but magically/emotionally chains himself further to Aaravos, or Viren shouting while in chains that he's finally free of the dark puppetmaster.

Basically, when Callum says in 6x01 that he's inside the pearl, I don't think (as of S6 / probably first half of S7 at least) that he's ever gotten out of it. Aaravos uses him even after his nightmare, and we know thanks to the pawn intro that Aaravos' final machinations for Callum also haven't yet come to play. I've been wondering if the Aaravos intro is going to change in S7, since he's out of his prison — and it still may — but if we look at it from the angle of Callum and Claudia both being stuck within the moon/pearl rather than just Aaravos himself, maybe it could stay.

And if Callum is stuck inside the moon-pearl, shattering it by understanding the arcanum ("the whole world is like a giant primal stone, and we're inside of it, and it's also in us") and/or with Claudia moving to the opposite of the moon could be useful, especially since Karim is a corrupted sun in his own way. Speaking of which let's talk about

Light and Dark

We know thanks to Claudia that black and white, or light and dark, are not always clear cut. Her hair thanks to her dark magic use changes like phases of the moon, with the light being bad and the dark being good. Conversely, her path is a dark one with the path of truth and light being withheld from her. In a similar manner, we see Callum's light (Rayla) being what led him into dark magic use and what led him out of it, and will likely see this pattern play out again. Aaravos is a representation of a path of darkness, but we also see the cube flashing a bright light in the pawn intro, tying light and darkness together for him as well.

Callum's understanding of himself that he gained through the Ocean arcanum can not simply become untrue or disappear, so I think recognizing that darkness isn't all he is ("I'm ruined" / "your heart's not full of darkness" "Neither is yours") even if there are dark parts of him and of his life would be fitting. It also seems that could be helpful with Claudia as well, and even characters like Ezran, who will have to wrestle with darker parts of his emotions/personality next season as well with Runaan. They've all got light and dark inside them, and learning how to walk in that balance and still break away from the Cycle / Aaravos is useful. As Ezran said in 4x03:

I just want to yell stop. But that’s not enough. It won’t work. I think about a positive vision, a faith we can all share, that we might build a future together in hope. A future where we can be safe with each other.  But… It’s not that easy or simple. Because people are still hurting and they are still angry. We can’t ignore that, or pretend it will go away. Somehow, we have to hold it all in our hearts at the same time. We have to acknowledge the weight of the pain and loss, but open up our eyes and allow ourselves to hope and maybe forgive and love again. We have to give today’s children a chance to inherit a future filled with peace. To give them that, we have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time.

Claudia's love for her family led her to ruin, but it can also save her through Soren. Callum's love for Rayla led him to ruin, but it has also saved him (and again, we'll likely repeat this pattern). Ezran's love for his father will lead him to anger but also pull him out of it, just as Viren's love for his son caused him to begin his journey of terrible things, but also guided him to do one final, truly right thing by the end.

Love is light and dark. Claudia, who's been walking in shadow, needs the full light - the sun, in the form of her brother. She needs to accept and see the truth of what's happening and step fully into the light. Callum, who has been routinely worried of the dark within him, needs to the reminder that he's not all he is, that he has light of his own inside. In doing so, he can break Aaravos' control over him and give hope to any other dark mages / humans in general that no level of corruption is too late to come back from, and that there is always light amid the darkness.

Life and Death

The stakes have never been higher as Aaravos and Claudia are on the warpath, determined to destroy the Cosmic Order and invert life and death. With the world’s fate on the line, our heroes must be ready to sacrifice everything to save it.

In Bloodmoon Huntress, we get a very different peek into how the secret of the Moon arcanum can be thought of through Runaan, who is peak Moonshadow-sacrifice elf man:

Moonshadow form is only achieved when we understand the balance of life against death. Balance is weight against weight, and to understand the weight of death you must feel the weight and value of another's life. Think of those you love, of who you hold most dear. Now think of the souls who have touched your life. Understand that each time your weapon meets its target, each time we fulfil our duty, the potential for that soul to change a life—to love another—is gone. We may remove hate, but we remove the potential for love as well. Moonshadow form is only achieved when we reconcile this balance between life and death.

While Claudia with her hair and dark mage-assassin parallels could unlock the Moon arcanum—especially if her perspectives continue to change—I think Callum as the Protagonist is better placed at this time to be the one to understand the balance between life and death in a season where the antagonists are trying to invert/destroy it. Him therefore understanding appearances and changes, how to control his own and see through others', understanding that balance between life and death, feels very fitting.

Callum's fear of Aaravos and dark magic comes from the fear that he's changing—"I hope you're careful, cause [magic] can change people" / "the corruption takes innocent creatures and changed them"—and that death would be better for him than life if he goes too far. Learning these things aren't the case and that he can get back to the middle (and indeed, "real trust is about accepting even the dark parts we will never know" could be about Rayla accepting he may not entirely swear off dark magic again, the same way Viren kept that door open to do Good) would be useful.

It would also mean the two mage characters most drawn into Aaravos' darkness get the Moon and Sun—the arcanums most associated with light—to banish said darkness as well. Claudia finally being an uncorrupted light and chasing life, not death, and Callum, learning how to be balanced and that he can maintain his identity / use Aaravos' book and key without fearing that he'll lose control.

The fact that Claudia's eclipse imagery only started the same episode she lost her brother, and that her Laurelion dragon-scale necklace is very Sunfire-y looking...

Conclusion

TDP for Callum and Claudia has always felt like a parallel coming-of-age mage story between the two of them, leading to the amount of similarities and diverging plot beats the two have, down to doing the same spell at the same time but in different locations in S6. The Sun arcanum is associated with truth, light, and healing, whereas the Moon arcanum is associated with change, life + death, and secrets/love. All of these things could be nicely brought to a head with Callum and Claudia each unlocking an arcanum of Moon and Sun respectively, showcasing their differences, their continued room to grow, and light amid the darkness.

While I could see alternatives like Sun for Callum and Moon for Claudia, Stars for Callum or no arcanum for either of them, I think these are the ones that fit best at this time / Stars will likely get saved for arc 3 given that arc 3 will probably focus more on rewriting destinies and the Cosmic Order as antagonists.

As always hope you enjoy and Dragons out!

[reinventinglia]

seeking your higher self in 2024

hello, angels ⭑.ᐟ today we'll be taking the first step to our personal journey to be our higher self and achieve our dream life. an important reminder is that it is never too late to change and to allow yourself to be. if you are reading this and you feel like it is too late or that you're so far behind everyone else, or thinking "can i even do it?", take a deep breath, because you can! if this is your case, i highly recommend watching this incredible bevy smith ted talk, which is a major inspiration for this post.

i talk (or rather write) a lot, just so you know.

it is what you make it

you need to understand your power. life is all about perspective, about what you put into the world and what you'll receive in exchange. as much as i believe the "it is what it is" mindset is important so you can come to terms with your own reality (there's no moving forward if you can't accept where you are), this is just as important. this is my own interpretation of this mindset, but i'd love to hear yours as well!

many things in life are out of control, but some—and a lot of them—you can control. you can choose your own mindset and the energy and intention you're letting out to the world, as well as how you think about yourself and whether or not you believe you're worthy of good things. trust me, you can't move forward and achieve your higher self if you don't believe you're worth it! you need to work on your self-concept in order to be yourself, because otherwise being yourself means being worthless, or whatever it is you repeat to yourself.

you are in control of your life.

i'm not talking about specific situations that unfortunately you can't control, and i'm also not saying you deserve what you're getting, because no! no one deserves bad things happening to them, but unfortunately they do happen regardless of what we think or believe in—even people who you believe have the perfect life have to go through rough times.

still, in the end, you need to take charge. you might not be responsible for what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. it won't be necessarily easy or comfortable, but it needs to be done. even a small step can make the difference as long as you're moving forward.

one thing you'll need to be working on for the entirety of this journey is your self-concept—there are a lot of things to talk about it, but for now focus on understanding how you view yourself. in order to do so, here are some prompts that can help you with it:

⭑ how do you currently perceive yourself?

⭑ what is one negative self-belied you hold? how can you challenge it?

⭑ when was a time you doubted yourself? why did that happen?

⭑ how is your self-talk and how does it impact you?

⭑ what is a part of yourself you're critical of? why?

⭑ what is a part of yourself you're proud of? why?

find your motivation

i'm currently in my early 20s, which is a strange period in life. of course i've also thought my teenage years were strange, but being in your 20s is different (maybe in ten years i'll say the same thing about being in my 30s). it's not all about comparing dating or being popular or getting the best grades or whatever, now the people i'm surrounded by are having jobs, or being the perfect university student, or living overseas to pursue their professional athlete career, or even doing scientific research with influential people! and they're all my age.

it's very intimidating to realize that age doesn't mean anything and that you can do anything regardless of being younger or older. but it's also reassuring, because it allowed me to understand that we all have our own pace—which means that you're not behind just because you think you are; in the end, your time will come. the time where you'll be satisfied, happy, and thrilled to live your life because it's finally what you wanted! but for that to happen, you have to do the work.

to start seeking your authentic self and live as your higher self, you need to do the work. the first thing is looking inside and realizing your reasons.

of course being authentic itself is a motivation, because who wants to live in the shade of how other people want you to be? putting on a mask everyday is exhausting and you can't live like that.

but this is not easy. it is an uncomfortable, hard, and hurting journey, but it leads you to healing, to real happiness. this is exactly why you need to have your motives, because you need a strong foundation so you won't give up. i say this because i have given up a few times, which is exactly why i might have started this journey at the age of nineteen, but i only properly started it this year, at the age of twenty-one—two years after i convinced myself i'd do it.

here is a journal prompt that might help you get to the source of your motivation:

⭑ what are your core reasons for wanting to change?

list your emotional, personal, or practical reasons for pursuing this journey. anything can be a motive, really. maybe you just don't resonate with your life, or you want to reinvent yourself. whatever it is, as long as it comes from a place of authenticity and truth, it will help you during this journey. embrace whatever it is that's motivating you and allow it to guide you to a life that resonate with your true self! the path may be challenging, but it's always worth it.

after thinking about why you want to change, work on these prompts to understand exactly what you want to change:

⭑ if you could see your life in five years, where do you want to be?

⭑ what do you look forward to most in the future?

⭑ what area of your life do you want to improve the most? list five things you can do in order to achieve that

⭑ make a list of how your life would be if you could be and do anything in the world

being authentic

a great part of becoming your higher self means understand your authentic self. now, what does it truly mean to be authentic? of course we all know the definition: being true to yourself, to your values, and to your beliefs, even when others may disagree. but let's take one step further and ask yourself: what makes you you?

i wouldn't be surprised if many of you came up to me and said that you actually don't know the answer to that question. most of us have become used to suppressing your true selves and the best parts of who we are so we can fit in other people's expectations. but it's not okay to make yourself smaller just so someone else can feel better. if you recognize someone in your life who falls into this category, it's time to walk away! trust me, you'll be better off without that kind of energy surrounding you. instead, focus on people who uplift and inspire you to be authentic.

being yourself is a blessing, and for this i'll be quoting shakespeare: “to thine own self be true”. this means not worrying about pleasing other people and remaining true to who you are—therefore, being authentic, which is the ultimate goal. as bevy smith so beautifully said in her ted talk, “nobody can be you but you, so you might as well show up and show out”. make the most of your individuality and celebrate it!

⭑ is there a difference between how you act in public and how you act when you're alone? if yes, why do you think so and do you believe one act is more authentic than the other?

⭑ if you could be like anyone in the world, who would it be and why?

⭑ if you fully believed you're worthy and enough as you are, how would you be/act?

get to know who you are

knowing yourself is a lifelong journey because we're constantly changing and evolving, and you can't truly be you if you don't know yourself—quite obvious, right? yet, for so many people (and trust me, i've been there before), this isn't easy.

often, it's because they don't actively spend time with themselves, which may sound ridiculous at first, because logically we're always with ourselves, but simply existing isn't enough to know yourself. to truly understand who you really are, you need to engage in self-reflection, which is why i've been leaving journal prompts for each section of this post—that's truly one of the best tools to connect with yourself.

with that being said, you need to take some personal time for and with yourself. some people struggle to even say their favorite movie, or their favorite color, or something as basic as their favorite food or drink. the truth is, if you don't know the basics, knowing your deeper complexities, which is vital to understand who you are, will become challenging. so, take the time to ask yourself some questions! reflect on the things you might easily know about your close friends or family but might not be able to answer if they ask you.

⭑ every day before you sleep, make a list of ten things you like. it can be a movie, a color, a piece of clothing, or products. anything

⭑ if you could describe yourself in three words, what words would you choose?

⭑ describe two significant events in your life you believe have shaped you into who you are today

⭑ what are your beliefs and your personal values? list at least five

putting yourself out there

another important aspect of knowing yourself includes putting yourself out there. as someone who has struggled with social anxiety for a long time—and still does—i can tell you this: letting your fears control you won't do you any good. stepping outside your comfort zone is essential for growth, even if it means taking a small step—after all small steps will still lead you to where you want to be, as long you're moving forward.

make an effort to go out. you'll learn a lot about yourself by visiting a new park or attending an event you've never attended before. if you have the means, consider traveling as well! the key is getting to a fresh environment where you won't have to mold yourself into whatever labels people have put on you. you can also start a new activity, such as taking a poetry class, exploring a new sport, or joining a club. each experience is an opportunity for self-discovery.

even if you struggle with social interactions, which i totally understand, meeting new people is also a very interesting way to learn more about yourself. it means you'll be exposed to different perspectives, which can reveal things you've never realized before.

you might meet someone with views so different from yours that you can't help but wish you never fall into that mindset, but you can also meet someone whose perspective resonates with you, and you'll discover qualities you aspire to embody. each interaction offers you a chance for growth and a deeper self-understanding, which is, again, essential!

this doesn't mean you have to mold yourself to be like that person—by all means, don't! you don't have to be exactly like someone else in order to achieve your dream life. however, you're allowed to be inspired by them. most of our beliefs and values come from experiences we've had with other people—it can be something as simple as believing that family comes first. you can learn a lot about your own values and who you are deep down by interacting with other people.

⭑ what three things you admire in your loved ones?

⭑ how have your friends impact your beliefs?

⭑ what beliefs do you share with your loved ones?

take a note, give a note

as i mentioned earlier, many people who are my age are making extraordinary accomplishments—including friends of mine—and it has brought out a lot of different feelings within me. insecurity was one of them, because i often questioned to myself: if people my age are able to do all of these amazing things, why am i not doing it? what's preventing me from being as accomplished as they are?

the truth is, we don't have to be like everyone else. i've said this before, but it's important to understand that having different trajectories in life is included in not being like everyone else. just because someone your age is achieving a certain goal doesn't mean you should be doing the same thing—maybe that's not even what you want. understand and accept that you have your own path.

for example, i have no interest in being an athlete or to engage in as many academic activities as some of them are. and even if i did want those things, it's important to remember that what's meant for me will come in due time; maybe this just isn't the moment yet. this doesn't mean that i'm behind, it simply means i have my own pace. i'll continue to work towards my goals, because giving up and letting the universe do absolutely everything is not something i believe in, but i don't have to exhaust myself just because i'm not achieving everything i want right now.

now, with all that being said, implement a new ritual in your life. understand that each person has its own journey to fulfill and that everything you want and are meant to have will come in due time doesn't mean that you'll get over it easily. i understand that it can be hard—which is why we seriously need to work on our issues with believing everything has to happen in this exact moment.

the take a note, give a note ritual is supposed to help you with it, and i believe is a simple and effective way to do so.

the premise of it is: when you see someone having what you want, or what you think you want, instead of letting feelings of envy or jealousy take control, take charge of those feelings instead. ask yourself: is this what i really want? do i actually want what to be where that person is? regardless of the answer, as long as you're honest and true to your feelings, tell yourself this: “their wins have nothing to do with my worthiness.”

then, give a note. the note is nothing more than a sincere "congratulations". you can comment on their post, message them, or even call them, just don't let your previous envy and jealousy take control. allow yourself to be genuinely happy for others without having to diminish their achievements. as bevy smith said in her ted talk, “when you remove malice from your heart, not only do you feel better, you look better.”

don't punish yourself if it doesn't come naturally to you. unfortunately, believe it or not, it does happen to some people, especially those who were raised in an environment filled with negativity and competitiveness. instead, adopt new habits in your daily life to get rid of it, such as focusing on the good aspects of your life and what you're grateful for (i highly suggest doing a list of things you're grateful for each day before sleeping), practice mindfulness, and go to therapy or talk to someone about it.

⭑ how do you handle envy/jealousy?

⭑ what are three self-defeating thoughts that show up whenever you feel envy/jealousy?

⭑ how can you overcome negative thoughts when you feel envy/jealousy?

⭑ remember a recent time when you felt envy/jealous of someone and why. how did you handle it? what did you do to overcome that feeling?

thank you so much for reading, and i wish you good luck and a great life! i talk a lot, but i find each of these topics very important. if you want to talk, send me an ask or message me if you can.

xoxo, lia ✮

[melonteee]

About Sanji being feral with men/older men, I remember reading once in a fanfic how an OC or SI (I can't remember which ^^; ) suggested that the reason why Sanji is nice to women and rude to men is because of his family. That at a young age he formed the mindset that women tended to be good people while men tend to be bad people because when he was young only women (his mom and to an extent his sister) were the only ones to treat him with kindness while the men in his life (his brothers and father) treated him like shit.

That kind of makes sense and I can no longer unsee it.

I'm so sorry this got so long because I have so much to say about Sanji and his perception of gender so read under the cut LMAO

Anon the SECOND his WCI story was revealed, that was the literal first thing I noticed. As always, Oda has an incredible show don't tell ability - and while it is implied (and maybe Oda didn't have the intention), there's certainly an idea that Sanji puts women on a pedestal due to how men abused him.

But considering Reiju helped Sanji, and how there were maids around Sanji who were also kind to him, along with his own mother, I'd say it's extremely intentional. Reiju also isn't exactly the nicest person either, like she's presented as a total grey area. It's not that Reiju was kind to Sanji just because she was a 'nurturing' big sister, but because she was the only one who didn't have her emotions literally programmed out of her. Reiju still gave Sanji a tough time, and still didn't help him unless it was behind Judge's back, but she still showed him more kindness than Sanji's father or brothers EVER did.

While there's an obvious misogyny in Sanji, and it IS undeniable, it certainly slides much further up on the misandry scale. When he was first brought into the world, the only people nice to him were women. His first memories and first acts of care and love came from women. He was allowed to cry around his mother, he was allowed to let his guard down around Reiju, and he was allowed to be his 'emotional' self with the women that surrounded him. It is undeniable Sanji has elevated women up to a being higher than men, and much higher than his OWN existence. This has all mixed and formed inside him due to his time with the Vinsmokes AND his time with Zeff.

After all, combine Sanji's first and only real acts of affection coming from JUST women, with Zeff's ideology that women are NOT to be harmed, of course you're going to create a boy who idolises women as this holy deity.

Not to go a bit off track, but it's why this idea that Sanji HATES himself, and why he has ZERO self worth, is ALSO something people tie to his gender. Does Sanji take pride in being a 'manly man', or does he think that's what he needs to be for women? Does Sanji compensate his hate for his own self by being this extremely overdone, heteronormative gentleman? By projecting his love onto beings he believes he can never be nor measure up to?

When of course, these 'beings' are just women. Just people, like himself.

The discussions surrounding Sanji and gender, combined with his abusive male environment and this clear confusion/hatred for men, is WHY there are many who have picked up this idea Sanji perhaps does not want to BE a man. It can be called a stretch, or wishful thinking, but it's something people within the queer community have seen nonetheless.

After all, we have SEEN Sanji's happiness upon being perceived as a woman - TWICE.

Sanji quite literally has a deadname he refuses to be referred to as.

And now, with his current mutation happening, he is becoming afraid of - and displaced IN - his own body.

Sanji is such a weird and complicated character to fathom, honestly. It could VERY well be these were all things Oda just accidentally tripped and banged head first into, but WCI as a whole had a pretty big focus on not JUST familial roles, but expectations and roles of GENDER as well.

Katakuri's need to be stern and emotionless as an older brother, Pudding's abuse due to the fact she wasn't 'pretty' enough, Big Mum's daughters being married off unless they proved they can serve some OTHER purpose, Sanji's brothers forcefully cold and emotionless, Reiju needing to bottle her own emotions with fear of being bullied, SANJI'S bullying due to being an emotional boy, Judge HIMSELF being made fun of for his crying.

Combined all with Reiju telling Sanji "You're a boy, don't cry!"

WCI was fucking RIDDLED with gender discussion and gender expectation that comes with blood family, but this idea is pushed to the side due to the themes of familial abuse being the most prominent. Yet a BASE of familial abuse IS expectations of gender roles that comes WITH a nuclear family.

As much as people don't want to see it or CAN'T see it, Sanji's character and arc includes areas of toxic gender norms JUST as much as it covers blood family abuse. It's just something that's taken to an extreme in this hyper fiction setting, and thus, it can become invisible beneath the surface. But I see it! And obviously, you see it too anon!

Sorry for the rant I am just VERY passionate about Sanji's complicated relationship with gender LMAO

[wlwitchofwhitestone]

I think what's frustrating me the most about what's going on in campaign 3 right now is that the main idea being talked about and given way too much emphasis runs counter to the theme of the m9. If the Nein were about the idea that you can become better no matter what you did or who you were before, the argument set forth and being entertained as a legitimate conflict right now is very "these guys did bad shit a thousand years ago and they should die. Somehow this is good for everyone despite the centuries of good they've done since." Ashton's point was extremely astute that if that's the case, cleanse the entire world motherfucker because we're no better, but the hypocrisy of that was neatly sidestepped (which is at least consistent with Ludinus and fascists of his ilk in general). It's not a real argument, guys. We're not meant to take him seriously.

The gods are the stewards of the only world anyone living has ever known. The fact that they made bad choices that hurt Ludinus and people he knew is a legitimate grievance. The gods are in fact flawed, capable of selfishness, but when confronted with the enormity of the damage they were causing this world, they removed themselves and a whole chunk of their power to seal themselves behind the divine gate. They didn't abandon the world. They didn't withdraw their power and sulk, leaving everyone without their gifts until they begged for a return. They simply care for mortals on the terms of those mortals and ask for nothing not freely given. The people who follow the gods find them worthy of that patronage and Ludinus does not get to erase the choice of everyone else who doesn't agree with him because he's hurt, even if he did have a point (he doesn't).

He thinks, for some reason, that his actions won't result in the same kind of harm on a global scale and completely ignores the damage he has already wrought in the name of a higher purpose because that's what the gods did and they're no better than him. But they are, dipshit. They are better than you. There are people in the world they may not be better than, salient point, but you're not one of them.

And after the light and love that was the core of the Nein - the very thing that shaped Essek into the campaign 3 NPC that he is - it feels extremely disingenuous for "do the gods deserve their power now that you've seen them at their worst" to be perceived as an actual, legitimate conflict in the endgame and a talking point in the Fandom. Especially when the Hells have already been pretty clear that they're not looking to be judge, jury, and executioner of the gods. This is not the central conflict of campaign 3, it's one dumbass's weird motivation to be a villain that needs to be stopped and the fact that it keeps coming up as anything approaching credible is a condemnation of the purity culture mindset in online spaces today.

[sunlit-mess]

Hello, I hope it's not rude but I'm REALLY REALLY fond of your art!!!!! I was scrolling through your blog from new to old and found that you have Bpd,,,. I only heard about this condition, what is it like? If it's ok to know,,,!

hello, thank u! uhm it's something? HAHAHAHA idk how to explain it 😭🏳 lemme try to be as direct as possible

I'm high-functioning, but there are points I seriously just start showing symptoms.

Emotions: INTENSE as it can get while FEELING 99 PERCENT EMPTY. Something just- keeps you so.. hungry (not literally). Sensory is also another factor, and honestly I burn out a lot, tend to get overwhelmed n meltdown like shit

Identity: I either have BEEF WITH it, feel GODLY, or be so LOW, really low. I live with both passion and hate. I'm very confused. But I can say I'm just tired!

Attachments: Relationships are so hard to maintain bc of how much I fear abandonment, like bro I can't even leave my family as much as I want to. I'm more scared of getting disowned or losing my name. Love is a concept I long to grasp at the same time scared of it, I don't understand jackshit about " love ".

> I tend to self-Isolate with or without reason

> ...I used to test other people whether they can handle me or not, whether they'd leave or not. Not anymore though, but the thought lingers.

> Very- paranoid- about.. perception, neglect and invalidity HAHA.

Mindset: They call it Black and White, or generally just two categories to label my perception of things. However, I try to understand AS MUCH AS I CAN about a situation, etc. See what's in-between before I decide. that's really hard for me to do LOL.

> I always do my best to think and be nice

> I can be so fucking bad at the same time, only to regret it the next second or so

> My mind is scattered all over the place, It's exhausting

Trauma: I have memory problems and a lot to connect with that. Hate and fear is what I'm accustomed to. I live with a fuck ton of active predicaments like hell. Old wounds keeps reopening, and new ones never closes.

Impulse: shows in speech more than in action (THANK GOD LMAO I'D DIE IF I LET MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WIN)

Habits: uhm. Ranging from sunshine and rainbows to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I get obsessive, like.. really obsessive.

Coping mechanisms: Usually I have mood stabilizers and anti-depressants n shit, but I don't rely on them anymore (bc I can't keep buying). I don't have good coping mechanisms even for physical needs. It's so bad bro. So I just end up drawing. that's the only good one I can list.

Living with it: Exhausting and an internal war 24/7. Does it affect me physically? Yes. Does it come with other mental factors and conditions? Also yes! But as one of God's most tired soldiers, nothing I can do but keep walking.

What I'm confused about: dawg last time, i kept searching about how conditions co exists like— Thats normal?? N the last diagnosis I was in confirms it does and nothing to worry about. BLUD I AM DEF WORRYING. Autism n bpd? u mean my behavior and shit isnt meant to be invalid as most people perceive — u mean these fckass experiences built that bpd? ☠️ WHAT AM I THEN—

(I'm having a hard time believing it bc as an adult, it's harder to process information like these)

[animeyanderelover]

Who I think would be the least to most difficult Yandere to deal with from the Wolf Pack in Twilight. Let's talk about the worst aspects of them that make them dangerous.

(Yes, I am having a brainrot right now.)

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusion, clinginess, manipulation, guilt-tripping, stalking, agression

Least to most difficult

Embry Call

Embry is "probably" the most harmless shape-shifter from the entire pack and that is mainly thanks to his shy, reserved and considerate nature. In comparison to most of his fellow wolves at least. He is pretty much the only wolf who is too scared and way too embarrassed to approach you directly after he's imprinted and he gives everything way too much thought. You can't even guess how much thought, care and practice has gone into the moment where he finally dares to start a conversation with you. He wrecks his brain and his nerves even more when he plans to ask you out. Obviously he's still obsessive, possessive and clingy but those traits of his are toned down thanks to his quiet and somewhat flustered personality as he cares about how his darling perceives him. A rejection would be the worst thing that could happen so he's very careful with the way he acts around you and the people you love most. He doesn't want to ruin any meaningful bonds you have with others because of him, wants to be accepted by those people if he could have the best possible scenario.

It is important to mention that he's still a little creep who stalks you for the first few weeks, unable to approach you with his jittery nerves. Whilst this dies down for the most part if you two are a couple and you understand and accept the situation that you're in as his imprint, bad habits hardly die down fully. He's not someone who falls very easily victim to negative and violent thoughts so it's safe to have him with you when you hang out with your friends or fellow family members. He gets jealous after a while sure but surprisingly enough he gives you a while to notice that he's in a slightly uncomfortable position with the lack of attention. Believe me, there are people who have way worse jealous reactions in comparison to Embry's more needy tugs on your clothes all of a sudden as he tenses up when the lack of attention starts affecting him. In general he prefers to not stick out or make a scene. It's within his own comfort and yours too. That results in Embry being able to not come over as a pushover or someone unneccessarily overbearing unless he senses that something is wrong.

The fact that he is somewhat aware that some of the stuff he does stalking isn't something he should do also pays off to him being as considerate as he is. Even if he has a hard time accepting this, Embry knows that personal space matters to you at times too. He could spend every waking second with you but before he risks you growing annoyed and tired of him, he at least makes the effort to leave you alone for a bit. What contributes to him caring so much about your own wishes too is his talent to stay in tune with your own emotions. Embry is very sensitive around you and for that picks up your current mood and it always affects him too. It allows him to be great at comforting you silently when you feel down but on the negative side it also means that you can't keep stuff hidden from him since he senses it when you're lying or are nervous about something. He relies on you, opens up about his own feelings which he normally never tells anyone, and for that reacts very emotional and desperate if he fears that you might leave him. Can you really leave him despite knowing all that?

Seth Clearwater

Seth is in all honesty such a sweetheart and devotee but there are a few things that play in him not being at the bottom of the list. His young age and the naivety when it comes to imprinting are two major parts in it. He has so much to learn about shape-shifting and about the world in general, has only heard stories about imprinting so that leads to him romanticizing everything about it when he finally finds his other half. You're his entire world the moment you locked eyes with him and ever since that moment, Seth has been unable to leave you alone. I'm not kidding, he follows you everywhere and wants to be always with you as he sees this as sort of normal. You're his imprint, he's supposed to stay with you and protect you. Telling him to leave or asking him for some time alone rarely ever works and the only thing you earn are tears blurring his eyes as the thought of leaving you hurts and scares him as his young age leads him to heightened separation anxiety. There are no bad intention of guilt-tripping you behind those tears but it manages to make you feel bad most of the time anyways.

You often find yourself gullible around Seth as he's so easily emotional. If Embry gets influenced by your emotions, Seth exhibits them even stronger than you. If you're happy, he is too but if you're sad, he's even more so. He's terribly sensitive so if he really notices that you're deeply miserable, he starts crying in most cases as he's unable to hold his emotions in. He never means to do anything harmful by being such an open book but his strong emotions coupled with his need to stay with you all the time can be mentally exhausting at times for you. On a positive side note this is what allows him to handle his jealousy better than some of the more experienced wolves though as he's joyful when you are, even if you're not paying attention to him at the moment. Be careful though, he's still one of the youngest of the pack so in moments where he does get furious, he has more troubles not keeping his emotions under control and channeling all of his negative feelings onto the person who elicited them in the first place. This gets especially out of hand if he has shifted.

Seth finds himself relying on you far more than he should, especially in the relationship since he's younger than most other members of the pack. This means on the one hand that you can manipulate him the easiest but it also means that he greatly panics and doesn't know what to do if you're emotionally hurt besides crying with you and acting overbearing. In the worst case he has a meltdown because he experiences your emotions so much stronger. Something that isn't even directly his fault but also plays into his placement is his sister. Leah has yet to find her imprint and remains incredibly bitter about Sam has imprinted on her cousin so I imagine her being very adamant to not let Seth suffer from any pain now that he has found his imprint. If Seth loves you too much to fully blame you from any pain he goes through because of separation, Leah will blame you and cause you to feel bad. At the same time she also realizes that her brother is a tad bit too obsessive and tries to teach him how to love someone in a more normal fashion if you're too soft for that.

Sam Uley

Surprisingly enough, Sam ranks fairly low on this list. I think that is mainly because he's very mature for his age and the fact that he was the first one to shift and had to explain and help everyone who shifted after him is a huge attribute to this. He's the alpha of the pact so that automatically forces him to take up more responsibilities than other members as he makes the decisions most of the time and additionally his pack tends to be a rowdy bunch so he has to remind them at times to snap out of it and act their part. With the most experience stocked behind him, it's perhaps unsurprising that Sam is aware about the fact that his imprint bond causes his feelings to dwell on the borderline of being unhealthy. So he makes the effort to control himself in order to not overwhelm and scare you away from him, he's very careful how much of his emotions he exposes around you. Sam has to stay in contact with you though as any distance for too long physically hurts him. He might be considerate but be aware that he won't leave you alone for too long either.

His experience and practice as the first wolf of the current generation enables him to be able to spend time with you around people without feeling all the time jealous or possessive. It's not a safety hazard to go out with Sam in public places as he lets you spend time with friends or interact with random strangers. He actually puts trust in you unless you prove him otherwise and that trust comes with more freedom for you as you know that he won't interfere unless you signal him so or unless he thinks that something is wrong. You're actually able to talk and rationalize with the alpha if something does bother him and both of you can negotiate certain stuff simply because he acknowledges your own feelings and wishes and tries his best to find a middle ground where both of you are comfortable. Sam leans more into the protective than possessive side and since you're his imprint, he sees it as his responsibility to guarantee your safety and happiness. I feel like especially because his father has given him and his mother troubles, he'd be very determined to make you happy.

Now that we've shaded enough positive things about him, let's talk about the bad stuff which is precisely the fact that he's the alpha and feels like it's his responsibility to make you happy. Because this leadership really shows at times in the relationship because especially if his darling isn't someone who speaks up, Sam will take pretty much control over it. He's very dominant and whilst he isn't domineering and only makes decision which he thinks are best for you, if he has set his mind to something it is very difficult to convince him otherwise. Yes, he is negotiating but only if you agree to his conditions or otherwise he won't let you leave. If something is an absolute "no" in his mind, it'll remain that way and there's literally nothing you can do. If you go against him even if he forbids you something, you'll truly experience all the reasons why he's still dangerous. If you go against a rule he has set, you'll lose his trust and not only that, Sam will grow very strict. Restrictions are suddenly interfering with your life as you fully experience him taking full control for a while. Until you've earned his trust back.

Jared Cameron

We're now entering the zone where things get out of hand, starting with Jared. Now, you might wonder why I've placed him above Sam because on the surface, Jared appears to be rather harmless. He's extroverted and constantly cracks jokes to elicit laughter or a smile out of you. Truthfully speaking though, Jared's problems already start with his perception of the imprint bond. He sees nothing wrong with it and he never questions his thoughts and his actions as a result either. Separation from you is literally one of the worst things you could do to him as he experiences pain and a few of the worst mood swings you'll see. He constantly switches back and forth between moping on the floor in misery to growling at other pack members, irritated and unmotivated. You always have to stay in some sort of contact with him or otherwise he'll ask you immediately why you couldn't come over to him or at least call him or send him a mail. To avoid all potential troubles Jared might experience if you aren't with him, you oftentimes are forced to spend entire days with him. Without a break.

Now, Jared cares about his darling and wants them to be happy with him but if they ever ask him for a short time alone, he'll only end up with a mix of confusion and hurt. He can spend every second with you because you're his imprint, you should feel the same, shouldn't you? The previously mentioned misunderstanding of his view of the imprint bond gives you only more of an headache because Jared is literally unable to understand or accept that you want your privacy at times too and want to spend time without him. Both of you might have gotten into arguments about this a few times already yet you got nowhere as Jared is always too dense to comprehend what you demand from him. What do you know about the imprint bond anyways? He's the shape-shifter, not you. This particular mindset is something that he goes by rather strongly and makes the situation only worse at times. You're human, you don't understand what's going on right now and just like that, Jared has written all your arguments and opinions off as your lack of understanding of his world.

With him around, it's impossible to have a decent conversation with others as he despises it when your attention isn't on him. He starts distracting you and if you try to ignore him or shove him away, he'll only get worse. There are also times where he just doesn't like a person for no rational reason and for that is always very wary and on guard around them. If they get anywhere near you, he'll glare heavily at them. It can or can't go well with him when you're with others he doesn't feel safe around. The moment he pulls you closer to him and you realize the growl vibrating inside his chest, you know it's time to leave though because you're not risking it as soon as you know what he is. Jared is willing to resort to emotional blackmailing if he sees the need for it and once you have him kneeling in front of you, hugging you and sobbing to not be mad at him and to not leave him, you'll find yourself stuck. Once he has realized that something works on you to convince you to not do something, he remembers it and uses it again. Especially arguments are always cut short for that reason as he hates getting in conflicts. Let's just stay happy like this.

Quil Ateara

Quil is almost similar to Jared in a few ways. Both wouldn't necessarily appear all that dangerous upon the first few glances. Quil himself is a very cheerful and happy individual and that only intensifies upon imprinting on you. He's charming and he's constantly complimenting you and in a few ways he's actually a bit better than Jared is. He is handling his jealousy better as happiness is something that makes you look only more beautiful so he just endures it for a while before he starts making sarcastic jokes, something you'll hopefully realize and turn around to give him the attention he so sorely craves. Quil is often taking you outside too because whilst he also enjoys just being somewhere with you where no people and no other distractions are, the city offers the chance for fun dates which he wants you two to have so there won't be such a big isolation factor. Physical separation from you is not something he can deal with at all though and even if he tries, he's unable to do anything after a while as your absence pains him greatly. You often have to come back to get him back on his feet.

Quil harbors a similar mindset as Jared in which he thinks that you probably react the way you are because you don't understand what's going on but differently from Jared, he tries to sympathize with you. Or at least give you the illusion of doing so, a strategy to appease you in order to not get into an unnecessary argument with you. That's a problem with Quil. He backs off and follows your wishes for a while so you calm down before he goes to break them again and act the same way, trying to justify his behavior by saying that he slipped up and that it isn't that easy for him to stay away from you thanks to the imprint bond. He's much more likely to use manipulation on you and it's frightening to think how much he actually calculates behind his happy grin. Technically speaking Quil's darling experiences more freedom than Jared's darling would but the main reason why Quil is higher is because he's far more unpredictable. Jared is with his behavior very frequent to the point where you can anticipate his reactions, Quil on the other hand is much more sly and frankly spoken, scarier.

This man takes matters into his own hands if he sees the need for it and that is a very frightening aspect. Sure, he won't kill or hurt humans unless he's given a good reason but whilst all the previous shape-shifters wouldn't go necessarily much against humans because it's their job to protect them from vampires, Quil will. He's almost apathetic to someone who has harmed or hurt you in any way or form as in his eyes, only someone truly evil could hurt you. It's difficult for such people to gain any forgiveness from him. Even if you forgive them, even if this is a person you still want in your life, if they fail to convince Quil, it's over. He will cut all ties you have with that person and even if your sadness breaks his heart, he views the connection with such a person only as toxic and as a guarantee to get you hurt again. Better cut ties before it hurts more. He doesn't shy away from using threats and intimidation to get the message across and the worst part about it is that he's lying to you. He tells you that he doesn't know why that person is suddenly avoiding you whilst comforting you all at the same time.

Paul Lahote

I think it's obvious why he's placed that high but let's jump straight into the mess that is Paul anyways. His temper is already short as it is so just imagine what it's going to be like once he imprints on his s/o. Paul, from the moment his world has shifted upon looking at you, acts incredibly possessive and dominant, jealous and aggressive. Being with you isn't just something he wants, it's something he needs and whether you like it or not, he's from that point on always sticking with you. Partially he might understand your point of view but at the end of the day, he's feeling incredibly entitled and even desperate as he just can't be away from you. He can't! Why can't you understand that? His entitlement is very difficult to handle as he essentially sees himself due to the imprint bond as the only one who is meant to protect you and who can protect you. So instead of being fully grateful if someone else helps you, he's pissed off that they interfered with a bond they couldn't even begin to fathom. You're not a victim to his ire but he's slightly mad when you ask someone else for help since that should be him.

As his possessive and protective obsession spikes his anger issues into space, you see yourself faced with multiple problems once you know what Paul is. His emotions are out of control as even the smallest thing could set him off at any time. One wrong glance from someone, one insult that is whispered behind your back or even a joke from a friend of yours that comes over wrong in his head. He tends to get angry over even the small stuff which you would usually brush off and don't pay too much attention too. He can't just ignore it if someone teases you or says something rude to you, even if it comes from someone you're close to. Not even to mention that his possessive side leads to increased jealousy to the point where he growls even at your close friends. He seems to trust no one with your safety besides himself. His overprotective behavior makes him on top of it all very overbearing as he's constantly hovering around you and makes a big fuss over you as soon as he realizes that you're in any sort of pain. He gives you even less space in such cases as all his instincts scream at him to take care of you.

There's definitely a big isolation factor alongside his limited patience. Paul does practice to control his temper but the amount of times he suffers from a relapse is saddening as much as disappointing for you as his feelings always get the better of him. In order to prevent anything bad from happening, you have to spend most of your time alone with him which Paul doesn't mind but you definitely do. You constantly have to neglect other people as Paul consumes almost all of your time for himself because otherwise he can't be reasoned with. You know he's very sweet and funny if he's alone and has your attention only on himself but the moment anyone else is around you two, he always seems to be on guard. Even his own pack members aren't an exception to that. If you want to do something alone, you need hours to convince Paul who doesn't want to hear any of it. You need to call him though multiple times an hour or otherwise he'll come running after you. Once you've left his field of vision, he's worried sick as his irritation increases every minute.

Leah Clearwater

We've nearly arrived at the top of the list now and the second place goes to the only female shape-shifter in the pack: Leah Clearwater. But why? Well, I feel like there's one big event that pretty much influenced her life and changed her personality. That's the day where Sam, her ex-boyfriend, imprinted on her cousin Emily and broke up with her. She was happily in love before her heart got torn apart and she hasn't forgiven Sam nor Emily fully for it. Worst is that Sam is now her alpha and she's seeing him and Emily being happy together far too often which only worsens her heartbreak. Even if Emily is his imprint, she can't get over it and it isn't until she locks eyes with you for the first time that she's for the first time able to understand why Sam made the decision he did. You're happiness, you're a cure and an absolute joy in her grim life and Leah knows that she'd do anything to keep you safe and happy. Alongside with the imprint bond comes a feeling of pressure unlike anything she has experienced before though as with the sheer ecstasy comes also stress and an overwhelming tightness in her chest.

Leah is insecure. Insecure and terrified. Whilst she has now gotten over Sam, the pain and the previous heartbreak now shifts into something else. Insecurity, fear and paranoia that somehow she'll lose you too. She doesn't want her heart to be broken again since she knows that she'd never recover if you would reject her and it's this paranoia and fear that turns her into this bitter, possessive and jealous woman. Sam and Emily have shaped her and she'll never recover from those issues throughout her entire life which means that she'll never learn how to deal with her emotions. Worst is that she doesn't even try, differently from some other wolves. I mean, even Paul tries to control his anger issues even if he fails but Leah never seeks treatment to better herself. She has better control over her ability to shift anyways and with the rest of her broken emotions, she doesn't see the need to practice to better herself. Instead she lets her fear guide her to act incredibly possessive and overprotective. She wants to do well but her reactions are always far too extreme as soon as she notices that something is wrong with you.

Her open insecurities are her main problem in the relationship as she's quite often worried that you'll find someone who you like more than her. Believe me, she knows that she is hard to be around but she can hardly reason with herself as her feelings always take control over her. She might not be as openly aggressive as Paul is but she'll definitely scare people away from you too. She gets very easily jealous and that can even apply to family members and closest friends of you, even if she knows herself that you value them only platonically. There's little to no respect she shows someone as soon as they've triggered her as she insults them in a bitter tone, poison seething through her words. She never apologizes to them either as her pride holds her back and she only feels guilty when she realizes that she's hurt you by acting so rude. Leah wants to shield you from feeling even an ounce of the pain she had to go through but that unfortunately leads her to cutting people out of your life as soon as they've made you cry. She doesn't care what their motives are, she'll never forgive them. They just have to stay away from you.

Jacob Black

Did you see this coming? Jacob and Leah are at the top of my list for the exact same reason. Both used to be very deeply in love with someone but both were rejected because that person loved someone else. I give Jacob the price of being the most difficult one though because I feel like he'll exhibit everything in an even worse way than Leah. Why? Because at this rate Jacob just doesn't care anymore. Paul cares about his darling and tries to control himself, Leah ocassionally cares and feels guilty, but Jacob just doesn't anymore. He's done with being hurt, done with being left behind for someone else. Now he has finally found his imprint, the person most important to him and he decides that he'll never allow history to repeat itself. That's why he's willing to go very far and use very low tricks to manage to get close to you as fast as possible as he's in a desperate rush right now as every person around you is suddenly turned into a potential rival in his eyes. He feels bad about it if he sees that it has a negative effect on you but he shoves it all away as he prioritizes his own needs.

Jacob is sure that if you give it a try with him, you'll soon forget about the sadness you experience. In his mind you two only need each other and no one else is really needed. He definitely lives after this philosophy as he makes you his absolute priority and neglects and ditches everyone else and expects you to do the same. If you don't do the same and actually meet others and prefer to spend time with them instead of spending time with him, he'll hold it against you and even more against the person who has such a bad influence on you. He pushes anyone away from you who hurts you even once or whom he simply dislikes for being close with you and since he's so incredibly clingy and no one really likes him with his sultry and rude attitude he always has around others, your social contacts begin to wither away. He's openly mentally unstable and very toxic to the point where everyone around him notices. Yet no one is able to reason with him and make him listen. Not his pack, not his alpha and not even his own father. If Bella tries to help him? That'll just end in a disaster as he has lost all sympathy for her.

From all shape-shifters, Jacob is also the one who uses guilt-tripping and emotional blackmailing the most without shame. Leah uses emotional blackmail sometimes too but not nearly as much as Jacob does. As soon as you start going against him and question the undeniable control he wants to have over your life to feel a little bit more secure, he's always resorting to it. Whether it's him justifying it all with the imprint bond or blaming Bella for having broken his heart previously and having made him this way, he does everything to take your mind elsewhere and stop you from protesting, stop you from leaving him. He can lose his cool for a moment and start shouting at you if you prove to be stubborn although at this point he has probably already started crying in hopes that tears will tug at your heartstrings. There's a point where he snaps though and that's probably when he's just unnerving as he threatens to hurt himself if you try to leave him. Do you want to risk it? I can tell you that he'll definitely start neglecting taking care of himself until you come back to him.

[furiousgoldfish]

I finally caved in and started using pain medicine to deal with the pain. This was a very hard thing for me to do, because for the most of my life, I believed that I both didn't deserve any medicine, and that it was bad for me.

Thinking back, my family used a lot of medicine daily, but when I was sick, I was told to 'work through it' or that my immune system had to be strong enough to take it. I wasn't even taken to the doctor unless there was a culmination of multiple issues at once. Even when taken to the doctor, I've been told over and over what a burden I was, how much of their time I was wasting, and how I got sick on purpose.

I became convinced that if I wanted to be healthy, I would bear any sickness without the help of doctors or medicine. This conviction became so strong that if I was forced to take any medicine, I would have a volatile reaction, start having a complete breakdown or immediately get sicker. I started believing that my body is resistant to medicine and breaks down if any is introduced. It was more likely that I was hanging onto my belief that I had to be 'strong enough to survive anything without medicine' so much, that if this got violated, I would psychologically break down and believe myself weak and broken permanently.

As an adult, I would take medicine only when pain was such high level it was unbearable and pushing me into suicidal thoughts. And lately, I've been having lots of that, pain so severe it would paralyze me completely, I wouldn't be able to speak or think, I would even end up making noises, which, I was trained not to do, even when tortured. There was an instance where I was in so much pain I couldn't control my hands enough to take medicine, and found myself having to ask someone else to give it to me - which was horrifying to me. And I finally realized, I can't wait that long. I have to take the medicine before it gets to such extreme levels.

So, I am slowly letting go of my ideas that medicine will make me weak or mess with my immune system. I'm looking up what medicine does to the body and for the first time, seeing realistically what the risks are, what is happening inside of me if I take any, what are the possible side-effects, what will it truly do to my immune system. The entire process is extremely scary, because I built so much of my identity on that perceived toughness and 'medicine is bad' mindset. Just casually learning that I've been wrong about everything for all of my life is a lot to swallow. But I can't live like this anymore. I can't stand any more of the pain. Even if medicine will give me some mild side effects, or is a bit tough on my stomach, taking it responsibly will not give me any permanent damage. It will keep me alive through the pain and make it survivable. I can't live in an amount of pain that is making me suicidal.

[hoodreader]

Sept. 11, 2024. Moon in Capricorn

general transit reading. wc. 1.1k~

keywords. the tower/the world/judgment (tarot cards), destruction, volcanos, moving, change, patience, fate, trust in the universe’s direction

the moon entered capricorn on september 11th, 2024 @ 10:38 PM EST.

posted late! whoops! moon returns to an uncomfortable sign, this time being in detriment. this causes blockages in emotional flow, as saturn’s nature of being cold and dry contrasts the wet and cold nature of the moon. think deserts (saturn) & oceans (moon).

the moon dislikes being in this sign of disconnection because the moon is very attached. its face is fixed the to the earth and it holds onto the tides. but moon in capricorn is emotional detachment or so based in perceived reality, it’s anti-moon in nature.

this is a time where u might find shame or doubt in ur intuition. where u might be out of tune with ur own emotional cues. where u may neglect ur emotional needs and desire. there can be less of a desire to connect or be intimate. and this also means u shield or guard urself from being intimate with urself. this can also be a time of pessimism, nihilism, loss of hope, and exhaustion.

the moon (mind) in capricorn forming a trine with mercury (the brain) in virgo also shows a mindset fixated on what can be easily observed and verified. the theme is security, practicality, and objectivity. but very few things in life are just an absolute. especially not in the world of the moon who changes shapes every night, shifting between darkness and light.

i suppose though, there’s a reason why moon’s sister sign is trine the sign of exalt. saturn rules over shadows, and the moon is constantly in shadow. this shouldn’t be unfamiliar.

so when the moon is engulfed in shadow, that doesn’t mean it’s not there. transit moon dispositor being the saturn in pisces Rx says when ur left to ur physical senses, u limit what u accept as possible. heighten the sense experience to what isn’t physical.

Anaretic Pluto in Capricorn conjunct Moon in Capricorn

on september 14th, around 3:33 pm EST, the moon will form a tight conjunction with capricorn pluto Rx for a brief moment before leaving capricorn and entering aquarius. it’ll be at 29°49”. now… i rarely read for modern planets because i don’t find much personal use in them, but i felt the following was important to say, especially as we near eclipse season.

first of all, in modern, pluto is a malefic. and so is saturn (both modern & traditional), which is the dispositor of both the moon and pluto in this transit. so as is, this denotes challenge. this isn’t to scare u of course. but the universe operates indifferent to what we feel is good or bad for us. the transits do not care whether u want them to happen or not, they will simply happen. the thing is u have liberty in how they play out.

with that being said, pluto brings destruction & it represents the underworld. it also represents secrets and things that are deeply altering. pluto’s presence in a saturnian sign at the 29° degree makes me feel like this is something long term. not the transit, but this indicates a transition period that is major for the native due to pluto’s themes of rebirth/death and the 29° degree representing endings/transitions.

the 29° is called the degree of fate, mastery, and crisis. it is considered a crucial degree. and it is also called anaretic, which derives from greek (anaretikos) meaning “destruction/bringer of necessity.” are y’all noticing a pattern? u feel the impending change on the horizon, but all of the energy surrounding that impending change caused urgency. the hastiness is caused by wanting a chapter of ur life to simply be closed, which i understand. but u also gotta understand u can’t rush fate & things will unfurl naturally as they do. this is why collective confusion often happens around this time period. people moving too fast!

in a way, i associate the energy with the world, the tower, and the judgment cards of the tarot major arcana. if u been seeing those cards lately, then ur guides are definitely aligned with the transits because there’s going to be an energetic shift as pluto exits capricorn the last time for the next 250 years. we won’t live to see that transit, so naturally, pluto gotta go out with a bang. think of pluto’s last brief regress into capricorn as ur chance to review the material, because there will be a final once pluto stations direct worth 60% of ur semester grade.

so how does this relate to the moon? the anaretic 29° degree with the moon shows heightened emotional sensitivity, dramatic shifts in the family, and changes in security. something ancestrally, karmically, & domestically is changing for u. and don’t be afraid! we go through the anaretic degree every few days with the moon since it transits so quickly. but still, a 29° degree transit is a time to abstain from impulsive decision making (especially matters concerning the involved planet, ie, i wouldn’t sign a lease during moon’s 29° b/c the home is affected). the delineation is informed through its conditions.

a 29° capricorn moon transit without a pluto conjunction will behave very differently compared to one with a pluto transit. with anaretic, pluto is the destroyer. and due to it being a long-transiting planet, it is felt heavily over entire groupings of people or simply felt for a longer period of time. this doesn’t mean the destruction will bring necessarily unfavorable results for the native, but i suppose it depends on what u learn from the Rx and how u move forward in application. i don’t think it’ll be necessarily enjoyable, but it will be necessary point blank. with the moon contacting this placement, expect even more “destruction” in the home. i’m not going to speak conclusively on what that can mean without the added context of a natal chart, but generally, that potent energy will be brought to things governing the moon. emotions, secrets being brought to light, changes in the home dynamic or the home at all. or the hierarchy within the home, and what provides security to it.

do i make sense? i sure hope i do. & i hope this brief reading on a couple significant moon aspects being made this moon in capricorn will be useful for u. good luck y’all! the next time the moon will form a conjunction with the capricorn pluto Rx will be october 11, 2024. that will be a review on what u had learned. then the final moon-pluto conjunction in capricorn stationed direct will be november 7, 2024 to test ur application. so try to keep notice of significant themes occurring with the cap moon transits until then.

with love, HoodReader

[robintism]

shinonome ena: npd or bpd?

A while ago there was discourse (albeit, on twitter, where else would discourse be) about Ena’s cluster B coding. About whether she was NPD or BPD-coded and “what’s wrong with letting people headcanon whatever they want?” The thing is that you CAN headcanon whatever you want, but coding is something interwoven with the canon narrative that serves a purpose for the character. 

If we want to argue about coding, we must first look into what sets NPD and BPD apart.

NPD and BPD are both Cluster B personality disorder, characterised by unpredictable, dramatic, or intensely emotional responses to things. Outwardly, many of NPD and BPD traits and behaviours are similar. Their respective episodes can look like one another’s and many mistake one for the other. These two disorders are also incredibly gendered in the sense that NPD women are notoriously misdiagnosed as BPD, and the reverse being true for BPD men. Women and female characters who display Cluster B behaviour are more often than not, diagnosed with BPD without being given much thought or consideration.

This is the core of the issue with Ena. Many are quick to point out the Cluster B likeness of her behaviours, but are unable to properly pinpoint the intention behind it, which would become the crux to solve the question. 

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Ena’s motivations & fears

At the start of the Nightcord story, we can see that Ena is jealous of Mafuyu’s innate talents, and even angrier at her for saying that she has nothing, when she has everything that Ena has ever wanted. Ena struggles with empathy here (which I will touch upon more later) but the key to her character is very explicitly shown here – Envy. She is envious of what Mafuyu has that she can never be able to attain, because talent is something you’re born with. At this point in the story, she already wants to disappear because of her perceived lack of her skill, and her belief that she will never be enough for her father, and herself. So seeing Mafuyu, who has everything she’s ever wanted (on a surface level anyways) also want to disappear, angered her to no end. 

In case I wasn’t clear enough, Ena’s motivations are linked to her simultaneous superiority and inferiority complex, her ego. She wants to be better than everyone else, and can be critical of others, but any criticism of her is a blow to her ego. In a way, Mafuyu’s depression is like a blow to herself because “If I were you, I would never be as miserable as I am now.” Not only is she unable to empathise with Mafuyu here, she’s suffered a blow to her ego. Her and Mafuyu are uncanny mirrors of each other here–Mafuyu has the talent, Ena has the will but both are miserable in their respective standings because they lack what the other has.

On This Blank Canvas I Paint is, in my opinion, one of the best Ena focus events because it dives deep into her insecurities and issues, even if it doesn’t offer an immediate and complete resolution. This event shows us the first of her many hurdles, and how she dealt with it in the process. It also shows us her very first “crash”.

At first when she was at the top of the Art Class and getting praised, she was happy and confident. Then came the conversation with Papanome, where her entire worldview and confidence was shattered. She was shaken and her next composition was a complete bust, it was as if a switch had been flipped. 

Ena’s father is a bad father, and he shouldn’t have said all that in such a manner, but for the sake of this analysis let’s take a deeper dive into his words. Papanome, as a seasoned artist, has experienced the industry much more than Ena has. He KNOWS the reality behind the industry, and knew his daughter well enough to understand that if she kept going with that kind of mindset, she would’ve crumbled. And she did. 

The next time she went to class, she was criticised by her teacher, and he even points out her core motivation “If praise is all you seek” because all this time, she’s only ever been praised for her artworks. It was her primary motivation in this field, to the point that she grew complacent and stagnated without realising that her peers have evolved well beyond her. 

That realisation shatters her again, when she realises that everyone else has improved but her. Her sense of self-worth begins to deteriorate and she spirals, she even disassociates to the end of class and quits impulsively because she couldn’t take it anymore.

Basically, it struck her ego and she has a narcissistic crash. Narcissistic crash happens when a person with NPD becomes unable to uphold their grandiose, confident image due to a perceived fatal blow to their ego or reputation. This leads to a breakdown which manifests as angry outbursts, depression, withdrawal from others, irritable or defensive behaviour, and verbal or physical aggression. My understanding is that, internally the pwNPD feels a loss of self along with perceived rejection and abandonment. (Side note: I was doing some research thinking this was a splitting episode but it’s actually a narc crash, you learn new things everyday). This describes Ena’s crash and other outbursts really well. She tends to be very defensive and actually did withdraw from others, she even dropped out of her art class without warning after this incident. This is because her ego has classified the art class and her teacher as a threat to her image and self-esteem, so she needs to withdraw from it.

Again, this is the crux of BPD vs NPD. The key to BPD is the persistent fear of abandonment, while NPD has to do with the ego. None of Ena’s (coded) cluster B behaviour stems from a fear of being abandoned, or being unable to define herself. It stems from her need for grandiosity and her need to be important, successful and better.

Ena’s right to exist

Ena validates herself through the amount of praise (and therefore, also criticism) she receives. When her artwork was first criticised in her flashback in On This Blank Canvas I Paint, she loses motivation, her grip on herself and her sense of self-worth. When her artwork doesn’t gain traction on her social media, she posts selfies, which admittedly get a lot more views and compliments. While she is disheartened by her artworks not getting as much attention, because she does actually love art and drawing, she is able to in a sense, replenish her narc supply by posting pictures of herself. 

The Primary Narcissistic Supply is attention, in both its public forms (fame, notoriety, infamy, celebrity) and its private, interpersonal forms (adoration, adulation, applause, fear, repulsion). Any kind of attention, both negative and positive, contributes to the narc supply. Here, Ena taps on her own face card to boost her narc supply because she knows she will gain attention through it. She validates herself in these forms and lives vicariously through her followers’ eyes. 

This isn’t to say that there is anything inherently disordered or even wrong about wanting attention, especially attention online, but this combined with her other traits combines to form a bigger, narcissistic picture.

While BPD sufferers also have issues with their self-worth and identity, and may use similar methods to have a better grip on themselves, it manifests slightly differently. Borderlines are more likely to shape themselves into what others want, in order to avoid abandonment. Whereas narcissists are more likely to show off the more palatable parts of themselves while hiding their perceived weaknesses, so everyone will only see their inflated self. In a sense, both “manipulate” how others view them in order to feed into their personality disorders but in different ways and for wholly different reasons.

Narcissus flowers 

Also, Ena has a lot of association with narcissus flowers. In her 3rd anniversary redesign, there are narcissus flowers on the pattern of her dress. In her card, I Don’t Want To Give Up, she wears a flower crown made of these flowers, and they are also spotted on the pattern of her dress. One of her outfits from a card where she is explicitly shown to be painting, a card that represents the exploration of her character (since it’s a colourful festival card), is called “Narcissus Salopette''. 

Other than their obvious correlation to narcissism and by extension, NPD, these flowers represent Ena’s self-obsession and her need to overcome it to achieve something great for herself.

One of the official art also has this. 

Rin, in the Empty Sekai, is a direct manifestation of Ena’s feelings. Here they mirror each other, and Ena is shown as a reflection of Rin in the pond, much like the infamous Narcissus myth where he drowns to his death after falling into the pond from admiring himself too much. The myth of Narcissus warns us of self-obsession, to the point of neglecting the world and the people around us. We destroy ourselves in the pursuit of ourselves because we can’t see beyond it.

Ultimately, this isn’t to say that you can’t headcanon her to have BPD or relate to her if you don’t have NPD, but ignoring her very blatant narcissism coding is just really, really weird when 1) NPD is severely stigmatised 2) NPD women go under the radar by professionals and casual armchair diagnosers in favour of BPD.