#but I think keeping them that way does this show and story a disservice and it comes out of cowardice

[greensaplinggrace]

the fact of the matter is that buffy ends up isolated no matter what the scoobies do because she bears the burden of the slayer alone at the end of the day and nothing can change that. the problem with this isn't that she's separate from them, it's that they don't want to acknowledge that she is, and in doing so they drive a wedge between them that just grows and grows. the best thing about spike is that he's similar enough to this other side of buffy to understand it and her by extension. he is the only person around who can support that side of her.

most of buffy's issues in season six stem from the scoobies rejecting a part of buffy that spike accepts. and this shame she feels for her reliance on spike and the presence of this darkness and isolation she cannot avoid is largely because of them. i'm sick of this bizarre assumption that pointing out where the scoobies go wrong in their relationship with buffy somehow equals an uncritical uplifting of spike. just because he understands her and represents a certain aspect of her doesn't mean he doesn't fuck up. i mean that's kind of the whole point of their season six dynamic. one of his biggest issues is that he thinks he's helping her by enabling her completely because he doesn't have the ability to properly identify the line between self acceptance and self destruction - pursuit of the id is one of his biggest character traits. that's what makes the end of season six and his decision to get the soul so interesting (although of course there's just as much i can say about the narrative framing of that in regards to lore consistency and the story's obsession with angel, but that's a whole other thing).

point is, the scoobies cannot understand all of buffy, and when they refuse to acknowledge this they destroy their chances of building any bridges to even a simple relationship with that other side of buffy or helping her carry that burden in any way. meanwhile, spike is in the proper position to understand buffy as the slayer and hold his own with her in such a way, but his definition of love is wholly obsessive and destructive. while i disagree that he's incapable of love and even of loving selflessly without his soul, i think spike's version of love in particular is self destructive in a way that enables buffy's own desire to hurt herself through hurting him (see the aforementioned shame regarding her shadow self). spike cannot identify why allowing buffy to give in to her dark side in such a way is bad because he struggles to understand how she could use this to resent herself - although i do think he realizes it's happening on some level.

spike is also buffy's only form of catharsis and the only one that actually listens to what she is saying during a time when everybody else is dismissing her because of the aforementioned inability to understand her as the slayer. it's a clusterfuck - and a clusterfuck that needed to be shattered with a hammer for any kind of relief. and quite frankly to disregard the scoobies' own part in this situation does a disservice to buffy as a character. to be honest, she deserves fucking better than what everyone in her life gives her, especially the scoobies, who grow to take her for granted and feel entitled to controlling her life as a way of keeping her conformed - again, due to the aforementioned lack of desire to acknowledge this other part of her that they cannot connect with.

which leads to season seven, where spike is the only person on the show who has developed and changed enough to remain at buffy's side helping her carry the burden. while everyone else suffered during season six, none of them opened their eyes to what they were doing to buffy - and if they did, none of them acted on it. spike is the only one to acknowledge the damage he's done and work to become better for buffy in any way he can. he is the only one that ends up able to carry that burden with her because he is the only one capable of facing the truth and acting on his desire to do better.

the fucking problem isn't that he hurt buffy - because to be quite frank everybody did - it's that he's the only person on the whole damn show to acknowledge his place in buffy's life, and to acknowledge the burdens she bears, and actively change himself for her. did you know he has almost all of the genuine apologies in the entire show? seven seasons and all of the harm the scoobies cause buffy, and it's fucking spike that is acting like a mature person capable of being a proper partner.

[a-blog-for-venting-i-guess]

Transformers One Bucks fanfic tropes and I love it

Spoilers below

I’m just gonna call them Megatron and Optimus for this even when I’m referring to pre transformation times.

So as a fan of the Megatron and Optimus Prime ship, I have read many many pre breakup/no breakup stories. A consistent aspect of them is Megatron being the revolutionary while Optimus is a champion of working within the system. And while those stories are fine, even great, a lot of the time it feels like Meg’s legit issues with the government were getting ignored by focusing on the “you protested in the wrong way,” sort of stuff that then radicalized him. Or megs would just use those grievances to get power and then not actually want to fix the system, he just wanted to be in charge.

I also thought this sometimes did a disservice to Optimus. Portraying him as so by the book he’s naive to the problems within cyberton so Megs has to show him the light and such. And then when Optimus does turn around he’s gotta calm Meg’s violent tendencies. Be the calm voice of reason.

So in comes Transformers One. And it’s OPTIMUS who is questioning how things work. Maybe not directly, but he’s constantly either breaking actual rules or just social norms to get what he wants. A better cybertron for all. When the truth is revealed he’s the one being like “I knew something was off.” Even when the truth is revealed Optimus is focused on fixing things because that was always what he wanted in his heart. That desire drives him to be reckless.

Meanwhile Megatron is the by the books guy. Seeing the system and its rules as a sort of lifeline he clings to whenever Optimus drags him on another stupid adventure that gets them in trouble. I think deep down he wanted the same things as Optimus but thought he could get them by following the rules. It was also a narrower scope. He wanted things better for them. Wanted a better life for himself.

When the truth is revealed he loses that safety net, He loses everything he’s ever believed in and he doesn’t know how to fix things. There’s no rule book for him to fall back on because the rules were BS and actively used to keep him down. He doesn’t trust that showing everyone the truth will cause them to turn on sentinel because all that happened to him when he learned the truth was becoming jaded+a desire for vengance. Which is why he thinks in order to move on Sentinel has to die. And this belief is solidified when he meets the elite guard with their ideology of the strongest one leads.

Optimus has to try to play the voice of reason for the first time in their friendship because of Meg’s reaction to the truth, and he sucks at it. Megs could never actually talk Optimus down from his schemes, and Optimus would always be the one making choices/leading the charge for what do to in their friendship. Now that Megatron is making up his own reckless (to put it mildly) decisions, Optimus has no idea how to actually successfully talk down Megs.

All of this leads to the tragic of tragic breakups.

Two people that cared about each other, wanted the same thing, but had drastically different ways of achieving that. And that difference tore them apart.

This is the basic story of Optimus and Megatron when they’re friends first. And for the first time it feels like the falling out happened without either of them being an idiot, or some misunderstanding. It was just how they naturally developed over the course of the story.

God I love this movie.

[shirefantasies]

Things You Do Together- LoTR Characters

A little buffer posting during recovery, sorry y’all 😅 I have some requests getting ready too though! Did a version for Thorin’s company a while back so here’s this version too 🥰

Aragorn wishes there to be no secrets, as few misunderstandings as could arise. Thus his goal is to help you reach fluency in Elvish; after all, many of his friends and familial figures are of Middle Earth’s eldest race. Their script is quite complex, so barring a great desire of yours to be writing it soon Aragorn focuses upon recognition of important words and phrases. Starting, of course, with my love.

Legolas teaches you archery, standing behind you as you fire his bow. Such a patient teacher and not one to burst out laughing if the arrow arcs spectacularly right back down into the grass. Surely he will smile and shake his head, but he understands. Everyone was there once, himself no exception. Pays such attention to detail you will catch him making the smallest of adjustments, even little things like changing the position of your fingers with his.

Desiring to prove both his and his people’s worth, Boromir attends with you at his side a joust hosted by Gondor’s men. You delight in choosing and cheering on a champion, shouting with joy at his successes and sympathizing with strikes against him. When, you think aloud to Boromir, was the last time you both laughed so? Pulling you close, he tells you he does not remember when, but if he has his way it will be soon again.

If you desire exploration, you know that Gimli will be right at your side to enjoy the world’s beauty. Caves, of course, are a domain of his people, expanses of stone glittering on walls and hanging down to your level. Forests, too, homes of fairer beings and much provision. Things Gimli has sworn to protect and love in this life that he wishes to experience with the greatest of them all… you. Never does he tire of telling you nature is beautiful, but more so are you.

Frodo encourages your writing. He himself has penned you many a poem, but there is nothing like your voice, physical or metaphorical, sharing a story with him. His dream is a book containing both of your stories, perhaps even an addition to his uncle’s story. If you feel called to share stories of others, even simple escapes from reality, Frodo is your greatest supporter. With all that he endures, ever a relief is it to hear you speak of a world so different from his own.

Botany, Samwise Gamgee thinks, is best learned amongst the flowers themselves. Rather than stuff you up into the pages of some book, he takes you walking down winding Shire-paths of flowers and bushes, showing you how he can tell what's related by things like leaf shape and giving you little tips and tricks to remember bloom names. “If you forget forget-me-nots, after all,” he teases with a wink, “you’re doing them quite the disservice!”

Merry teaches you his method of whittling, the way he crafts little trinkets of wood to keep occupied in idle times. When you feel more confident in your skills, Merry challenges you: he crafts a little figure of you and you of him. Complain as you do that his lovely hair is hard to capture, in the end you are proud of your first figure and Merry keeps it in the pocket closest to his heart. Those figures serve as the cake topper at your wedding a little ways down the line!

It can be a messy time, but Pippin adores spending time in the kitchen with you! Not only because he knows you’ll acquiesce him with little tastes, but because he’s fascinated at the process, the way you throw things together to make something beautiful and are so willing to have a feast made whenever guests call. Ever one for physical touch, Pippin enjoys sugary-sweet moments like sneaking up behind you for a kiss as you’re occupied kneading dough or standing against you to help stir your soup. And yes, sometimes he spills, but he always apologizes and cleans up after himself and don’t we all make mistakes?

Faramir reads with you, or, if you are stressed, to you. Sharing a love of your land’s myth, the studies of triumphs, follies, and magics past are like traveling far away to him, so to have a companion in that rings deep joy into his heart. He cannot help sometimes comparing the great love stories of Middle Earth to the way you found each other. Faramir is the type to know all your favorite tales and offer them to you at just the right time, sitting you in his lap or against his chest on a bed as he peels the pages open for you.

Smithing is something Eomer is confident you can learn, especially if he knows you wish to be involved in battles and wants to keep you safe! Being a supplier is just as important, otherwise there would be no blades to hoist for Rohan. Always encouraging you to hit harder and chuckling at your initial fear of the red-hot steel, Eomer loves standing behind you and guiding your motions. Perhaps even using this as an opportunity to sneak a kiss!

Haldir shows you how he cares for trees, even the smallest pieces of creation. Small potted trees akin to bonsais decorate shelves and tables in Lothlorien, and trimming and shaping them is an art form in and of itself. Nurturing a tiny, delicate life, after all, requires more intricacies than the greater fortitude. Microcosms of Haldir’s home forest sit before you as you take in his reverent, peaceful smile, hear his guiding words about the nutrients they need. You never tire of the focus spread across his face, the gentle opening of tiny blossoms.

Eowyn adores sparring with you no matter your skill level, moving slower or picking up her pace depending on it. She never wishes to go too hard on you, but does want to push you to try new things and experience different angles so you can keep yourself safe in a fight, Valar forbid you are so threatened. Sometimes your sparring is more playful, more just the two of you chasing each other around with wooden swords and one knocking the other over at the end of it, laughing as you tumble to the ground.

Enjoying the occasional swim, Arwen invites you into one of her home's gorgeous pools with her, stripping you both down to thinner layers as you step into perfectly, perhaps magically, warmed water. Polished stones roll beneath your feet as you wade over to each other, hands joining as you float in peaceful, loving silence. A smile spreads across Arwen's face before she gives you a light, teasing splash, silence quickly devolving into giggles as your troubles lighten.

Elrond is known for making some of the best tea in Middle Earth, and you experience his skills and then some. Not only does the lord of Imladris brew you a cup of your favorite herbal blend, he will also ensure that his bakers have pastries warm and ready and the loveliest toppings. Your relaxation time is like a little ceremony, Elrond pouring your drink and serving you all you wish on your little platter. You will not so much as lift a finger until it is to take a sip of the warm comfort as you and Elrond watch the surrounding waterfalls.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @kilibaggins @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @joonies-word | Reply/Ask/Message to join!

[cilil]

Something neat about... Idril

Idril Celebrindal is, simply put, an icon and inspiration to us ladies in particular.

She survived a particularly perilous and traumatic experience on the Helcaraxë, she's a smart and strong woman, she has some great insight into the minds of others and she knows both what she wants and to say no when she doesn't want something.

Needless to say, in this household we don't think women should be saying yes to men just to appease or "save" them and mend the hurt others have caused.

I love that it was Idril who prepared the secret way for people to escape Gondolin, but also that she alongside Tuor and their allies was leading survivors out of the city. You see, when we talk about strong women in media and construct their characters, there is a big focus on putting the spotlight on them and placing them in leadership positions - which is important, make no mistake. This is why it's so great to see Idril's initiative here.

However, it should not be forgotten that community and collaboration is also a huge part of makes women (and people of all genders really) strong, as we've proven time and time again and Idril also proves as part of her story. Putting emphasis on individual achievements and leadership exclusively does a disservice to female characters and comes with the pitfall of essentially making them act out toxic masculinity, which does not make for a compelling arc.

Idril is successful both in her endeavors in-universe and as a character because she finds a good balance and she deserves her happy ending.

 ˚ ੈ✧̣̇·˖ 　˚ .　　　✶ ˚　　✦　. 　 ˚　.　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔　.  ˚　

“Something Neat About” (SNA) is a mini series on my blog where I say something I like/find cool/interesting/neat about various Tolkien (right now mostly Silmarillion) characters. 

Please feel free to add your own thoughts/ideas/headcanons about the character in the comments/tags, link fanworks you or others made, show pictures of your pet you named after them, whatever you want to share; my only request is to keep it positive.

More of SNA for your perusal here. You’re also welcome to message me/send asks about characters you’d like to hear about :)

[sewermageboy]

obligatory "i love gale, I promise i'm not shitting on gale" comment before I start, but:

I feel like with a lot of the "he was groomed" narrative for Gale, people assume it's a given that Mystra came to him when he was a child, right? He says that she was his teacher, his muse, and then his lover, so I can see why people think that she must have been with him since he was a child.

But (I've been going down a Forgotten Realms lore rabbit hole, and found that) Mystra was killed around a hundred years before BG3, and only returned to life in 1479 DR, around 13 years before the events of the game. So unless we're saying that Gale is 30 years old (and in my mind he's more like 35-45), he would have been an adult by the time they met, even assuming that she immediately reached out to him after returning to the Forgotten Realms.

So why is the "groomed from childhood" narrative so prevalent? I think most people (rightfully) have better things to do with their time than reading about the fckn Spellplague on the Forgotten Realms wiki, but apart from that.

I think, especially with how many people (on tiktok especially, as far as I've seen) seem to hate Gale for being "too pushy" or whatever bc of the romance bug, there's an inherent instinct for Gale enjoyers to justify their liking of this character, by explaining away his flaws and his idiosyncrasies by saying "he is the way he is because he was groomed by the goddess of magic", and therefore his flaws aren't his own fault/don't matter, whatever.

It really bothers me when people explain away his flaws like that. He's braggadocious, yes, and he's arrogant, and he's filled to the brim with hubris. Does he have his reasons for that? Yes, of course! But that doesn't mean that his flaws are any less present, and just as much of a part of him as all the good parts. It bothers me when people do this with any of the characters tbh, like saying that all of Astarion's shitty behavior is due to his trauma at the hands of Cazador (which much of it is! But he's also just kinda a shitty person, and that's okay!!)

Like, if we look at Forgotten Realms lore, and say that Gale is around 40, Mystra would have approached him as a young man in his 20s - and honestly, that version of events is still just as fucked up to me as "he was groomed". Here you have this brilliant wizard, who lives for magic and manipulating the weave, and the goddess of magic herself begins to mentor him, teach him, inspire him, and eventually becomes his lover, too. Then, after she keeps showing him magic that will forever be beyond his reach, telling him to be content with his lot, he goes too far - and is discarded in the process, left alone to deal with the Orb in his chest despite Mystra being able to heal him instantly if she wished. And not only does he have to deal with a bad breakup and a nuclear bomb in his chest, no, he's also never able to truly be free of her, as long as he wishes to still do magic - something that is basically second nature to him, and that he could never give up.

I've also seen people conflate his Early Access story (Mystra discarding him first and for no reason, and him ending up with the Orb in his chest as a result of trying to win her back) with his full release one (Him trying to prove to Mystra he was worthy of being shown magic beyond any other mortals, ending up with the Orb, and Mystra discarding him as a result of that), and I feel like that comes from the same place as the insistence on him being groomed - trying to justify his behavior and sanitize him as much as possible.

I understand the instinct to defend Gale from people who shit on him needlessly bc of the romance bug or whatever, I really do. I adore Gale, and I think he's one of the most fascinating characters in the game! But I also think it's a disservice to him to not acknowledge the negative parts of him, or to explain them away as being caused by trauma he might have gone through.

The shitty parts, the ones you can really sink your teeth into, are what make most of the companions so interesting to me!!! And Gale's arrogance, his clumsiness when he flirts and how quick he is to fall in love, his hubris and his anger are all part of that!!

Edit: just wanted to clarify that I have no issue with the interpretation that Gale was groomed by Mystra from a young age in and of itself!

As @galedekarios rightfully pointed out, Larian often plays fast and loose with the timeline, so Mystra's death and her return to the forgotten realms only factor in so much. There's ample evidence in the game for the grooming interpretation, and it's also super fascinating to me, I just don't like that a lot of the discussion of Gale's character seems to boil down to: "but he was groomed, so it doesn't matter", or that many people seem to view it as the only valid interpretation of his character.

[positively--speculative]

It's really unfortunate that a number of people (mostly white people) in the IWTV fandom here on Tumblr seem to have this watered down view of the gothic genre as "cool, sexy monster stuff." I mean, yeah. That's *part* of it, but that's like, a very high school Hot Topic view of it. I mean, nothing wrong with liking the stuff you did in high school or Hot Topic, but it shows a lack of a deeper understanding.

I know I've ragged on Anne Rice a lot here, but I honestly think that this is partly her responsibility. Did she craft interesting characters? Yes. Did she give them flaws? Yes. But does she do a good job of challenging them? Not really. In fact, the way she frames then makes it seem like they're not flaws at all. I can accept the fact that slavery was normalized in Louis time, but I cannot accept the idea if no one in the story challenging it. It is not unreasonable for Daniel to be attracted to Louis during the interview, but at the very least, he should be uncomfortable with his attraction to him. Sometimes bad people are still attractive. That's an uncomfortable truth. But AR doesn't handle it this way. She never addresses it.

So, it's really not hard to understand why her fandom carries such limited views on uncomfortable matter, because her writing didn't challenge them to feel uncomfortable with their attraction to Louis. To Lestat. To even fucking Marius (who I won't get into here. Other people have already written about him here and have done so better than I can). AR made the sexy vampire books, and her fans just go along with all the awful things they do because, hey, they're monsters and it's cool because they live outside human expectations of morality (even though Louis was awful before becoming a monster). AR presents shock value, but doesn't address what's shocking. Her fandom, in fact, seems to take pride in illustrating no shock over what is shocking. This, in my opinion, is an illustration of *failure* to create an effective gothic story.

The show does a much better job, in my opinion, at presenting something gothic. I, a Black biracial woman of the audience, should not be attracted to Lestat. But I *am.* I shouldn't be attracted to Louis, but I *am.* I shouldn't be looking at their family dynamic with Claudia in her earlier days as a vampire through heart-shaped lenses, but I *do.* And it's uncomfortable. It's supposed to be. And I think Daniel's character does a good job of bringing the audience back into the horrible reality of the situation and causes us to check ourselves.

And I think white fandom really does a disservice to Jacob Anderson *AND* Sam Reid by trying to argue with Black fandom over the subject of race. Racism is a central theme in this version of the story. But they don't want us to talk about it, because they're uncomfortable with it. They'd rather pretend it doesn't exist and doesn't need to be discussed. But it's *supposed* to make them uncomfortable. They're just not used to seeing the benefits of being challenged, because AR never did. And unfortunately, they're missing out in a very fulfilling part of enjoying the story because they want to keep themselves in a little bubble where they can pat each other on their backs for not being shocked by shocking things and never growing as people.

[breached-containment-script]

So the scarring discourse is still going.

No, characters keeping scars does not automatically equate to that being torture porn. In this context, fans clearly intend it in a way that says "even if you end up with physical marks, it doesn't diminish you". Or is Aang getting scarred torture porn too? Or do you think things like Mortal Engines movie shrinking the female lead's facial damage to a minimum "spared her of physical trauma"? No, it was afraid of depicting something deemed "ugly" and it's a huge disservice to real people who look like she was described in the book.

The topic was not handled super well in ATLA. Katara's wounds got healed leaving no trace on her, on her psyche nor on how she views Aang which is not just unrealistic, but you can literally feel in the show Katara having to go "no Aang it's ok, I'm fine, you don't have to beat yourself up over it, I'm healed, let it go Aang, it's not your fault," it is too much. It would have been much stronger had the burns left some mark, even a tiny one, because then Aang's reluctance to practice firebending would have made more sense and all characters would have gotten a more solid demonstration that the Avatar can be dangerous too. It would have been a wakeup call to Katara that Aang isn't a completely harmless kid she can always shield and protect. That's character development! This would have been a more powerful moment in the progression of their relationship, especially after they sort it out and Aang learns safe firebending later on, because they'd have a more real problem to overcome rather than just Aang's guilt.

Again, show didn't frame things too cleverly - there's no heightened moment of perhaps Katara being extremely happy that she discovered a part of her lost Southern waterbending heritage (just remember her behaviour with Hama, there's none of that here). The show just removes her wounds, she's confused about the ability, and this leads to Jeong Jeong making a point about how fire is wild and destructive. The whole segment ends with removing the source of the problem (wounds) and is about how evil fire is. Aang ends up being traumatized anyway, he isn't less traumatized because Katara's wounds didn't scar.

The point is - Katara gets nothing character-building out of this event, even though it made her cry and cradle her arms for several minutes on screen. Because of this her burns could be considered torture-porn (slightly). Her discovering healing abilities is not a reward she got exclusively because she suffered the burns, she could have discovered it by accidentally hurting herself, or healing someone else. Imagine if Aang hurt himself by being reckless and Katara discovering she could heal him? What she should have gotten out of specifically being burned by Aang, is a changed view of him. I don't mean her viewing him negatively, but taking a step back and both learning they should be more careful. Who said zutara stans want Katara getting scarred by Aang in order to make Aang a villain in this? He literally cannot be a villain here, he made a big mistake by being careless. It's got nothing to do with zutara. It's not helpful to misinterpret some storytelling tools that have nothing to do with shipping, just to prevent them from creating some later story hooks which could potentially be used in shipping a NOTP. Heck, Katara getting scarred could even be used (with skilled writing) in shipping her with Aang - like zutara fans use Katara being angry at Zuko and expecting him to demonstrate that he wouldn't betray or hurt them again.

And if you have a distaste for two happy friendly characters hurting each other on accident, that's fine, but well I have a scar on my arm from my brother's scratch that happened on accident. These things happen and stories shouldn't be scared of portraying it, especially if later on they show how to make ammends and overcome the problem. I'm not saying "Katara should definitely have kept her scars!!!" I am showing narrative weak points and suggestions how things could have been done differently, what benefits it could have had character-wise and what that might have changed.

[laurark]

2023 Wrap Up

A strange year that was both long and short. The main lesson to learn from 2023 is the same lesson I have been learning every year since I was 6 years old: Things happen if you try!

 I spent a lot of time this year hitting my head against a wall, or rather healing from an RSI that caused making art to become really fraught. I could bear the wrist pain in order to do my favorite thing (drawing!!!) but then the pain stuck around after I had clocked out for the day and was making dinner. It would go like this: I want to make pasta sauce using canned tomatoes, but using a can opener is so painful now that maybe I should just do something else. The onions and garlic are already cooking in the pan though, what can I pivot that to? I felt like the biggest dunce in the world. I worked my way into being cursed, I deserved it.

I have this craving to just commit to a big art project, like a graphic novel, and keep my head down working on it. Having all my time devoted to work feels a bit like doing penance, like earning my bread. But I look at the world and I know I cannot draw my way out of this. I can’t write my way out of this. I can’t post my way out of this. I am unprepared for what I need to do to earn a better tomorrow. But I am prepared to learn.

I changed up my desk ergonomics and my wrist healed. Thank you to the huge desk easel that I stole from my parents’ house. It’s ugly, heavy, stained, and I keep banging my elbows on its sharp corners. It sucks but it saved my life. Do not resist making your workspace uglier if it might help you! 

Making The Influence and participating in the ShortBox Comics Fair was a huge work highlight this year. I’m so grateful I can make a work with dark themes and have it be understood and appreciated. The encouraging response to The Influence did a lot to kill the bad faith reviewer in my mind. Things are possible if you try!

I started painting again and I really love it. I’m trying to just follow the image-making. Painting is play to me and I want it to remain so. I feel myself itch to turn it into some kind of profitable thing, to make it palatable, but I’m trying to resist so it remains a place of experimentation. 

I also wrote a short novel. It’s awful. I just re-read it and it’s so bad, but reading it makes me happy. It needs serious reworking to be a proper novel, but I did technically cross the finish line and write the whole story. It was very refreshing and informative to branch out like this, even if I don’t think this particular example is fit for human consumption. Earlier in my life I was so stubborn about ONLY working in comics but now I’d like to pursue whatever path I can to have a creative career. If you try!

I had a great time tabling at Short Run this year. Two different people came to my table and told me they came to the show specifically to see my table. One person said Bug Boys was responsible for facilitating “many special moments” with them and their niece. I don’t want to forget about moments like this. It means a lot to me. 

It occurs to me as I type out this year’s accomplishments, they’re mostly things I did at home alone. I haven’t rejoined the world after COVID in a meaningful way, the way I hoped I would during lockdown. It comes naturally to me to make up excuses to stay home, keep my head down, watch how things play out before joining in. That attitude does me a disservice. It isolates me. When other people are only in the screen, they become hypothetical. It’s not right to live this way, but it’s comfortable to me. It feels “safe” after COVID, even though it’s not safe. I know I need to change this. 

It feels sick and strange to be blogging in my safe little apartment during a time of bloodshed. To flip through my planner and think of my future while others starve is obscene. My entire life was obscene in this fashion. It’s my responsibility to sit with this feeling and do something with it.

Here’s to a better 2024. We can do it, we can try. 

In love and solidarity, 

Laura K.

[cosmicjoke]

Levi's Personal Sacrifice in Letting Erwin Go:

One thing that I think get lost in all the argument over whether Levi was "in love" with Erwin or not, is actually just how important Erwin was to Levi. There doesn't have to be any presence of romantic feeling between them to recognize this, and indeed, I think it actually does a great disservice to both of their characters, and the complexity of them, to saddle them with the definition, or to try and fit their actions and motivations through that lens. But particularly for Levi. Because one thing it does, when we try to frame Levi's choice to let Erwin die purely through a romantic lens, is it undermines the weight of that choice in relation to Levi's own ability to do the thing that most motivates him, that is, to help people.

It's not so much that Levi was losing the person he "loved", it was that he was losing the person who helped him to help others. Without Erwin, Levi didn't really know how to do that. He didn't know how to direct himself, didn't know what he could do, how best to utilize his strength for the benefit of people. That's the personal sacrifice Levi made. He was umoored without Erwin there to guide him. His sacrifice, then, was more than just letting go of a single friend, or losing the man he loved. It's tied up with how much Levi cares about everyone. Not just Erwin, but all people. Levi wanted to be able to help them, in the best way he could, and Erwin gave him that ability. But he sacrificed that to end Erwin's suffering. That's why I'll never understand people who call Levi's choice selfish. It was the opposite of selfish. Levi gave up his own sense of place in the world by letting Erwin die. He lost the map that Erwin provided to him, showing him the way to help. And I think the significance of that can only be understood when one understands how it's helping people which drives Levi above all else.

And by letting Erwin go, Levi also sacrificed his ability to cope with the choice of others to give themselves up to something not worth their lives.

After the time skip, after Eren betrays them all, particularly following the Yeagerists takeover of the island, we see Levi begin to express regret and uncertainty regarding Eren, particularly in relation to his previous decision to protect Eren over the lives of his other comrades, and more specifically still, those other comrades own decision to give their lives for Eren's, believing Eren was the key to their dreams being realized. That is, humanity's victory over the Titans.

Levi realizes, upon hearing about the Yeagerists coup, that all those lives that were sacrificed to protect and keep Eren alive were lost in vain. That they died for nothing, and Levi's anguished despair over this realization is rooted in the fact that, for him, there's nothing worse than that. To see life wasted for no reason. And that comes back, as it always does, to how much Levi values life.

I think that's why Levi is so unhappy at the end of the story, because he sees that none of it turned out to be worth the lives his comrades gave. That's a devastating realization. Levi, in his monologue during the final battle, refers to it as being "their dream", not his, which is why I always talk about Levi fighting for his comrades, more than some utopian future. He fought for "their dream" because it's what they chose to give their lives for. But because Levi sees life as inherently valuable, indeed, as the most precious thing there is, the only way he could ever believe the cause they gave their lives for was worth it was if the cause itself was equal to those lives. A "stupidly idealistic world", meaning an impossibly idealistic world. A world beyond any actual realm of possibility. He supported their dream and tried to make it a reality for them, not for the dream itself, which is something I've spoken about before, too. For Levi, it was always about people, and their lives, and it was the cause they fought for that needed to prove its worth to them, not the other way around.

How this ties into what Levi actually personally sacrificed by letting Erwin die is that, I think in many ways, Erwin's presence in Levi's life, and particularly, Levi's belief in Erwin, is what helped Levi to cope with so many people giving their lives up to a cause that, deep down, I don't think Levi ever, truly believed in.

Erwin was really Levi's guiding light. Levi wanted to help people, but he didn't really know how. Erwin showed him how, by telling Levi to fight for the dreams of the Scouts of the Survey Corps, and by extension, to fight for humanity. He gave Levi an outlet to use his great strength to help people, something Levi had been searching for before ever coming above ground. He convinced Levi that he had a vision of something beyond Levi's own, limited view of the world, that he knew something Levi didn't know, and it was because of that belief in Erwin's greater vision, that Levi chose to trust him and believe in his guidance in fighting for and supporting the dreams of his comrades, even as Levi himself continued harbor doubt and uncertainty as to that causes worth.

He really believed that Erwin could see some great possibility that he couldn't, is the thing, some truly better world, and he trusted in that, in what Erwin was seeing.

And so I think Levi pushed aside his own doubts about the possibility of a better world because of that trust, because of how strong his belief in Erwin was, with how much he, as he always said, "trusted in Erwin's judgement".

Once more, the sadness in Levi at the end, I think, is him realizing he was right all along, his inner feeling was right, and that "stupidly idealistic world" that they all gave their lives for was only ever a dream, not a real possibility. Which also means Erwin's great vision was wrong. There never was any better world. There never was any cause that was worth the lives of Levi's comrades. The way things turned out only proved that. They all died for something better, but in the end, nothing better came. Yes, the Titan curse was gone, and a tentative peace emerged, but the cost was too high and the world was in shambles. It wasn't a better world at all.

Again, Levi says their lives (meaning the lives of his comrades) would only have been worth a "stupidly idealistic world". I think it was always a struggle for Levi to let his comrades die and sacrifice themselves for an ideology. I think it was always a struggle for Levi to push down his own instinct to save lives to allow them to pursue that dream. He couldn't stop them from sacrificing themselves, because it was what they wanted, it was their choice, is was what they believed in, and so the best he could do was support that, and try to make their dream a reality. And, again, I think the way Levi was able to cope with that, to cope with his inability to interfere with or stop his comrades from dying for a ideology, was by trusting in Erwin to get them there, with his great vision, with his far-reaching gaze and his superior judgement. If Erwin said it was possible, then maybe it really was, because Erwin could see something Levi couldn't. Erwin was "superior" to him.

The tragic irony for Levi was, it was him who was right all along.

[cancerian-woman]

really its sad that Hope never had Bonnie as a mentor/that they cut Bonnie out of Legacies so much.

the levels of “I hate black women/people” is loud in TVDU the Bennett’s are victims of that. Narratively speaking and through the fans.

A mentorship with Bonnie makes sense for Hope since she does live in Mystic Falls as of age 7 and up. Both being witches. We were never going to have that type of relationship even if it was off-screen development. The writers can use Kat refusing to appear in LGCs as their excuse for the lack thereof with “Aunt Bonnie” mentions but that’s not really where it started. Landon’s comment about Bonnie disappearing was distasteful because the writers are responsible for that. I remember them shifting the blame to Landon as if he isn’t fictional. It was a nice way to say we don’t see Bonnie as important if she isn’t being a slave.

Kat seemed receptive in some interviews to appearing in TO when both shows were on the air but shifted after it ended. Who could blame her really?

My friend @24kmagiic has nice post here about how Davina was handled that I agree with. I think Freya handed similarly only existing to be the Mikaelson’s Bonnie and Rebekah when she wasn’t there. Not really caring to develop the character either which is a disservice to them(well until late s4-5 for Freya). I’ve seen comments say Hope had a family of supernatural-beings there’s nothing Bonnie could help her with. As if Hope spent anytime with her family longer than some weeks or months any damn way. I don’t remember if Hayley and Bonnie shared a scene right now (I think the lesser) but I could see Hayley trying to find help from other witches.

Hope and Bonnie are very similar characters. A mentorship even off-screen could’ve been a nice drawback to what Ayana and Esther initially had before TO. Esther was not portrayed as this highly-skilled witch without a Bennett-witch backing her.

I could say more to this but Bonnie’s blackness is what the writers didn’t like nor want to develop. Which is why the idea of anything Bonnie/Hope was never going to narratively happen because the writers didn’t like Bonnie. As Kat said things would be different if she was white but she wasn’t.

They fought harder to keep her out the story, when things constantly came back to Bennett witch creations. Once Caroline was inserted into the Mikaelson’s dynamics and the Geminis they were never going to continue on with Bonnie’s dynamic with them. The Bennett’s have the richest lore in terms of creation but are the most disrespected.

[hamliet]

As a follow-up to one of your last asks about protagonists… what are some of your fave protagonists in recent media? And some of your most disliked? And why?

Hmmm.

Favorites: Ruby Rose from RWBY, Gon Freecs from HxH, Atsushi from BSD, Wei Wuxian from MDZS, Xie Lian from TGCF, Ash Lynx from Banana Fish, Eren Jaeger from SnK, and Charlie Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel stand out.

I think all of these characters are very well rounded and work very well within their respective stories and their genres. They tend to have arcs that exemplify the main themes of the story, but do so in a human way that avoids us feeling like we're being bombarded by a preacher who is held to a different standard than the rest of the cast. They are a vehicle for the story, inextricable from it to a degree, yet well-rounded. The story doesn't exist to serve them.

They are all vastly different characters, too. Eren is a tragic hero who falls in a satisfying way; you don't root for him to win unless you're a fascist. Wei Wuxian and Xie Lian are very flawed but very human characters (ironic because Xie Lian is literally a god) who contain paradoxical traits of immense compassion and immense, destructive flaws. Ash is also tragic, and even though he is "super" in a lot of ways--above average IQ, good looks, athletic, etc--the narrative doesn't give him a pass for these. If anything, it punishes Ash for these traits.

Ruby and Charlie I think are somewhat similar: they're idealistic characters who embody the main messages of their stories, of hope and second chances and love for humanity. Charlie is literally a Jesus figure. Yet, their good intentions are also very flawed at times. Both Charlie and Ruby are hurting children, too, who seek to save themselves through others... but need saving themselves by others. They need to realize their power and their weakness is in being human.

Protagonists I don't like... well, Deku from BNHA. Never liked him, now completely loathe him, but I'm not going to retread why here. I also don't like Alina from Grishaverse and her very "not like the other girls" attitude.

But my number one most hated protagonist is Callum from The Dragon Prince. To be fair, TDP is honestly one of the worst stories ever put to screen. It's a failure of writing on every single level--thematically, character-wise, plot-wise. It's boring and it's offensive all at once. It is everything YouTube dudebros like to complain shows like RWBY are (forced representation that serves nothing beyond "look at us we're woke!" that cheapens the portrayal and is ultimately a disservice and borderline offensive to the social movements they're supposedly offering rep for).

And Callum is the worst of all of the characters. Which is saying a lot because I absolutely despise pretty much every character except Claudia at this point. The narrative has no idea what it wants to do with Callum. He's just kind of there, and they're aware of that and sometimes try to reference that on a meta level, but can't because they keep throwing things at him to try to give him an actual role in the story that he simply does not have.

Granted, the narrative itself has no aim. The story is clearly written as a reactionary story that aims to please fans. I saw people shocked Rayla and Callum were only paired together because of fans (which the writers admitted). Like, no shit? The story is written reactively rather than because it has anything interesting to say. It has nothing at all to say, and Callum embodies this.

The story itself is at the level of a middle-schooler's writing project that would earn a C in 8th grade. Callum is a blank space for a middle schooler who wants to create a cool story but doesn't know what to write. And see, if the narrative actually said "oh, he doesn't know what to write, let's explore that and show him struggling and failing" it'd be interesting. But no. The narrative bends over to cater to him and everything he wants instead.

Which is why I'd give the hypothetical 8th grader writing this a C. You have an interesting world and potential in your characters. You just haven't figured out how to wield it yet. Except then I remember that this is actually a multi-million dollar, seven season long Netflix series greenlit based solely on the fact that the very-much-adult producer was involved in ATLA. Then, I think of all the amazing stories that will never be greenlit or that were cancelled after one season, and I slap a red F on it and drop-kick Callum into a trash bin.

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S04E16 - Dog Days Are Over - Part C

More than fine, if that takedown towards the end of the episode is any indication.

"I smell a bad guy."

My god, where are you going?

Sadly, I never paid too much attention to what exactly Scofield's deal was. Apparently the place he was in was like an off-the-books shelter? And Joe did not report the lady who was running it, so that she could keep doing it.

This, I actually attribute to the fact that Charlie wasn't at his best. He didn't give the guy a second glance.

More Criminal Minds.

Flying doggo duo! Okay, sometimes they have some crazy ideas.

Louder, Charlie. She was what?

I still remember my disbelief that this was happening right then and there after I'd re-calculated and set my expectations accordingly mid-season because no way these idiots would be able to get their shit together in a few episodes.

I really like the hesitation before he speaks again, he makes it very obvious that it's difficult for him to come clean.

I'd have worked something else in there. I mean, the performances are good but I'd have written some more. Maybe something less passive too. Also, "want" is not what I'd have used. Or a generalization.

Having said that, if I was in Sarah's shoes, I don't know if I'd have received well the fact that he waited until she was with Michael to make a move either way. I've said it before. Okay, this is a story and with it come certain liberties, for example if the writers say that there's a couple that's meant to be and I'm not referring to this situation specifically, then they're meant to be and the audience has to go with it. But in real life when a guy waits until you get in a relationship with someone else to reveal his feelings, he's probably taken for granted that you'll always be available for him. Anyway, this is a reason why it's good that we see more Charlie's point of view than Sarah's because we can tell it's not that but also like I mentioned before, it does a disservice to Sarah because we don't know what she's thinking a lot of the time.

She's trying to decide which one of them is the bigger idiot.

Yes, of course, I believe you, darling. He made such a pause before saying Michael, maybe he wanted to say something like "that lucky bastard".

I would not have appreciated him bulldozing my life like that at this point when he had stayed silent for so long. Just saying. I'd have cussed him out at least.

"Fuckity fuck fuck."

The music in that scene was great.

Um, you'll be adopting the puppy on your own, I'm afraid (not).

lol sorry but this is funny. And it's also awkward because it's all done in the precinct, in the middle of the bullpen in fact, like imagine if Michael got angry and started yelling. Some people would have gossip fodder for weeks.

"Is there someone else..." Let's just say that your initial instincts were right, Michael.

The transition after "is there someone else" is the exact same one used from S02E18 when the wife of Sarah's professor asks her if there is a boyfriend.

Cue the pining fool (affectionate). Don't worry, you won't have to suffer for long. Unlike us who still had to suffer for months.

Are you guys going to kiss?

She came! Well, for the audience after the previous scene there's no question whether Sarah would appear there. But Charlie didn't know that. There's a question of how she would know. Maybe Charlie spends a lot of time there when he's sad? It's certainly a great view. And snowy! I love it, really. I love that Rex is there as well.

Of course I would have loved for them not to leave us on a cliffhanger because I totally spent the next five months considering various ways they could screw it up since they hadn't made anything certain. Again, while it's a quite famous show it's a relatively small production (if you were to compare it to your average internationally successful crime show, that is) so for me there are no guarantees and no "they will do this because it's been done this way". I can make a few relatively safe assumptions, like when they started the season that way, I could make the assumption about where they were headed and be quite confident about it, but there are no certainties. I think I've talked before about the season hitting certain plot points that were indicative of where Charlie and Sarah would end up.

I would have been surprised if they actually didn't go there after all this, though. Aside from my shippy heart which would have been shattered (yeah I'm being dramatic), there would have been obvious questions like, what were you doing all this for? However, if they'd started S5 by tentatively going towards them being a couple while not having them be a couple, I'd be satisfied with that too. Certainly, when one of them has already confessed their feelings and the other breaks up, you can't exactly go back to them being just friends with no explanation.

One thing that I will distinguish for this season? For the first time, we didn't end up at the same point we started. That was a nice change as for the last three seasons the only thing that would progress was Charlie and Rex's partnership which mostly happened because John Reardon and Diesel became more familiar with each other and could play off of each other better. As always, I would have liked an arc with a big bad but I'm coming to terms with the fact that it will never happen. I would have liked Charlie's actions to be explored more and into something other than "I'm acting out because the woman I like is with someone else". He's been through a lot in the span of a few seasons. It's not unrealistic to have issues from his experiences on the job. Besides, everyone was at one point or another worried about him. In the season finale everyone was worried about how he was taking the case and about his judgement but then this is magically resolved because he gets together with Sarah and we forget everything.

I liked the moments of tension in this season most of all. I never thought I'd miss that because in a regular crime show, there's usually a lot of that between characters. But yeah, Hudson and Rex needed these moments. And it doesn't have to be manufactured drama, when people work with each other all day, there's bound to be some friction.

I'm looking forward to S5, even though it's long as hell lol

[dudeyuri]

I'm having thoughts and feelings about bad buddy must be a day that ends in y. But like, last episode tomorrow, kind of verklempt, need to word vomit

My first watch of Bad Buddy kind of smacked me upside the head. I know this is not a unique experience. I was left reeling for a bit. Watching Bad Buddy was the first thing I did in 2023 and I watched all 12 episodes in one sitting like a glutton and I stayed up til 1am even though I had to get up at 4am the next day (I haven't done stupid shit like that since college). Then I started my rewatch the next day. Then I put it aside for months because it was actually a physical ache in my chest when I thought about it. I just...never?? encountered such a fulfilling narrative that followed through on all its promises. Even with its deliberate deceptions and twists and uncertainties - I put my trust in Bad Buddy's narrative and was rewarded for doing so like never before.

It got me from the first episode - the first episode did what I think almost every first episode should do: tell you exactly what the story is going to be, without telling you exactly what the story is going to be. Fantastic writing, deliberate pacing, satisfying character development, pitch-perfect acting, all top-notch. It kept the energy up all throughout even as it got heavier, and stuck the landing in such a profound and bittersweet way. This was the first Thai BL I've ever watched, and probably the third BL I've ever watched period. One of my first impressions after finishing it even for the first time was that it was, maybe above all else, self aware.

My initial impression was also not a unique one: so far this is funny, charming, an exciting premise. And by episode 4 I was starting to get hit with it: this story is all those things and a knife in your gut, a lump in your throat. And it's queer, and it's tragic. Like, from the jump we see the two households both alike in dignity, we know what this is: it's Romeo and Juliet (or Kwan and Riam). We know how it ends. Pran knows how it ends. They teased us the whole show with Pran's decor, his doorknob hanger, like this show's version of a comedy and tragedy mask - what's it going to be? How's it going to end? Everyone watching knows how romcoms typically end. But everyone also knows how Romeo and Juliet ends.

In a move that can really only be described as revolutionary, Bad Buddy decided that queering the Romeo and Juliet narrative meant a happy ending. With caveats, but happy and alive and together. It was as simple as two characters finding their agency in a world trying to deprive them of it, seeing every path around them that led to tragedy, and instead trailblazing a new one that led to happiness. (everything that could be said about this has already been said; I look to this essay by @chickenstrangers often!! helped me make sense of pat gets shot lol. MK I hope you're not sick of people linking this left and right). It's a narrative choice that resounds.

I was personally struck by that specific pain Pat and Pran experience, the pain of having to lie to your parents and keep love a secret from them - is there a queer person out there who doesn't relate to that in a bone-achingly deep way? Regardless of your relationship with your family. Having to partition yourself like this is part of the queer experience. And it's exhausting because you just have to live like this. It's exhausting because the people who are supposed to love you have made a liar of you instead. You can be surviving and thriving and happy, but your parents will still ask your siblings about their love lives and ask you about the weather (too real??? oops). There's a hint at a possible thawing in the final episode that gives hope, but Bad Buddy does not magically make the parents realize they were wrong and accept their sons' love - I mean, that just doesn't happen. It would have made for a disingenuous ending, it would have been a disservice to the narrative and to the viewers and to the metaphor. If you're lucky enough to have parents who would, you're lucky. It's a sad truth. "We can't change the world...but the world can't change us either."

At first glance, Bad Buddy plays in the "BL bubble". Upon a slightly closer examination Bad Buddy says there can never really be a bubble--stories aren't crafted in a vacuum, the dominant ideology that is homophobia traumatizes and endangers and oppresses all who do not align with it, still there are happy endings for us here. We find each other and carve them out ourselves. To say all this, and to not veer into heavy-handed "yeah okay we get it" territory is a feat honestly! Seldom accomplished in such a riveting and sexy way! How refreshing! Bad Buddy reminded me of reading a good poem - upon first read, a good poem is about "a thing," and it's evocative as is and you don't even have to read it again to enjoy it. But you can also consider it carefully and unearth "the other thing," a deeper meaning, the answer to "why was this written?". Bad Buddy trusts its viewers to get there. I mean I know it's really not much of a hidden message, but again, they are subtle with it, iykyk etc. BB doesn't hold our hand, but it takes our trust and respects it and doesn't break it (though it shakes the jar, like quite a bit, lol. All good stories should tbh).

I think a lot about the form, too. In a less capable storyteller's hands 12 one-hour-long episodes can drag (I'm thinking of some recent gmmtv BLs lol), or even not be enough (I feel like I personally see that in a lot of western shows whose fanbases are out here begging for second seasons to tie up loose ends). P'Aof (and co.) knew exactly what to do with 12 episodes. Has anyone in the entire history of TeleVision ever known what to do with 12 one-hour-long episodes as undeniably as P'Aof and co in making Bad Buddy??

I know I'm being a little dramatic, excessively lauding good writing like this. Like yeah stories should be good and thoughtful and make sense, of fucking course. But I just have to appreciate it in a genre, in a capitalist reality, where a story does not have to be profound or clever or full of love to be marketable. They truly did not have to go this hard. (Though the writer in me who now considers Aof a personal idol also thinks: yes of course they absolutely did have to go this hard in fact It Is The Only Way). I'm so so grateful for it for so many reasons!! And I didn't even breach the topic of how fun and sexy I think Pat and Pran are together. Didn't even mention the fingersucking, the scent kink, the kissies - all genuinely just as important to me as everything else. It's all in the making of a good story! I am taking notes through my tears and I am so thankful

[cyberphuck]

It peeves me a little that most fanart of Laurent Captive Prince makes him into this soft, uguu pantybottom boy-- (spoilers for the entire Captive Prince trilogy under the cut and discussion of sexual assault, torture, grooming, suicide and incest)

--when in the books he's a ruthless vessel of hatred and vengeance who is super okay with torture, rape, and torture involving rape for the first two books and only didn't get around to ordering the rape-torture of anyone in Kings Rising because he was too busy having a shitload of people publicly flogged to death. I love Laurent, I love his character, I love his story arc, I love his development through the books, but I feel like so many people forget that he becomes a more open person by the end of Kings Rising, not a softer one. The guy who knew Aimeric was being groomed by the Regent but threatened him with his go-to type of torture (the rape kind), publicly humiliated him, then goaded him into and enabled his suicide is the same guy that defends Damen in the third book and the same guy who immediately commits regicide afterwards. He's still ruthless, he's still dangerous, and although he'd feel conflicted about it, I think that he'd still order the rapetorture of anyone who stood between him and his goals. Do you think that he'd hesitate for one second to order a bunch of dudes to fuck Kastor to death (or at least pointedly look the other way if dicks started pouring in through the windows) if he'd thought there was time for that? Laurent isn't like Damen, and never becomes like Damen: not only does Laurent kick people when they're down, he keeps kicking them until they are dead of Kick and makes sure everyone knows who killed them and why. Pacat is asking you to consider all of Laurent in the last book, not just the parts that are nicer now that he's had non-incestuous sex and discovered clothing that doesn't take two hours to put on. Nik comes in to remind you what Laurent had done to Damen in the very recent past when he sees the Scars From The Time Laurent Tried To Have Him Whipped To Death While Also Keeping Him As a Slave and goes ballistic. Oh yeah, you say, Laurent did do that. Damen made a choice to forgive him for it, but the scars are very much still there to say right, right, Laurent is dangerous. We forgive him for it, he is making changes, holy shit he just killed someone with a chair. That Damen acknowledges that Laurent has done terrible things and still loves him shows what kind of man Damen is and how his opinion of Laurent has changed as they've grown closer and also had sex. He's not surprised when Nik points out the scars, and he doesn't try to hide them from anyone. He didn't forget about them. He just chose to forgive. Pretending that none of that happened, or that none of that is a part of him anymore, and turning him into Damen's Arm Candy is doing everyone a disservice. Laurent, Damen, Aimeric, Nicaise's severed head, everyone. Laurent killed so many people to get here and he deserves recognition for it.

[corellianhounds]

Toro Calican Lives AU — Behind-the-Scenes Character Analysis

Words: 2k

Antiheroes like Madmartigan from Willow and Han Solo and Toro Calican in Star Wars face hardships and problems because of their choices. We like them because they’re fun and funny and dynamic and interesting to follow, but they’re underdogs specifically because their flaws lead to the mistakes and choices that land them in hot water, and the narrative doesn’t reward them for the problems they get themselves into. Madmartigan is stuck in a cage and left to rot because he was a criminal, and the rest of his problems before he chooses to do the right/heroic thing come from his own bad choices and abrasive personality. Han Solo was frozen in carbonite and hung up as a decoration indefinitely because he was a drug smuggler who dumped his supplier’s shipment in the lake when the cops showed up and had bounty hunters sent after him, and his absurdly good luck just happened to run out out when that criminal history caught up to him at the most inopportune time. Toro Calican, in canon, gets killed because he chose to double cross a master hunter in the pursuit of fame and glory, despite the fact he was young, inexperienced, alone, and because he arrogantly— incorrectly— thought he had the upper hand.

Though I’ve tweaked his character enough to make him more of a good guy in the Toro Lives AU, I was never going to erase his flaws and I never wanted for Toro and Mando’s dynamic to come across as every movie with a young and cocky rookie apprentice accompanying a stoic and taciturn supervisor as he learns the ropes, but the rookie doesn’t actually have the skills he boasts and is more of an immature comic relief who has to mature and learn his lesson from the father-figure type mentor (who leaves the narrative in some way) in the end. I think that’s overdone and runs the risk of falling into clichés that we’ve seen a thousand times already, and it does these characters a disservice by not showing more complex depth to their characters and histories. Mando already HAS a kid, so to split that focus by having the same character relationship with Toro takes too much away from the main characters of the story, and frankly I just don’t find entirely immature adult characters funny or interesting in the first place. I want for all of these characters to feel like people, not a pile of stock character clichés anybody could have written

If Toro’s going to be funny, it has to be because he or the situation is genuinely funny, and he can’t be the butt of the joke every time or he’ll either become a pushover if he lets it happen, or he’d logically become contentious after a while if he doesn’t. Things people get teased for have to be partly rooted in truth, or it’s just pointless antagonism that doesn’t work as humor anyway because there’s no joke to be had, it’s just an untrue statement at their expense, and for him to keep up with other people’s teasing (or genuine mockery, as will be the case when we get to The Prisoner), he has to be just as quick-witted or clever right back.

That dynamic is true of any interaction he has in this universe because he IS sort of characterized as the underdog and antihero type, so there are going to be things a lot of people have or can do that put them at an advantage over him in some way (age, experience, resources, authority, skills, physical strength or prowess, people on their side), and to balance the cast out and make him interesting and not just along for the ride, he needs to have resources or skills or qualities they don’t (youth, energy, money, connections, skills, daring capabilities and a better chance of recovery should he fail) to keep from the disparity being too great and taking too much focus away from the adventure

So really he’s closer to Jay in the first Men In Black movie, in that he’s already coming to the table with some skills and know-how, but he’s being introduced to a setting foreign to him where he now has to use those skills in different ways and figure out how to apply them based on new information. In the one episode we have of Toro, he IS able to recall Fennec’s last known location by memory, his observation skills have potential but just need more experience and polishing (not noticing the Tuskens right behind him vs remembering the briefest moment he saw the kid and making the connection while Fennec talked), he’s a quick-thinker and has good reflexes, he’s capable of finding/acquiring resources and knows how to handle them, he’s got a decent poker face, and he does actually hold up against Fennec for a little while in a hand-to-hand fight AND proves to be quick on the draw against her at the end. He’s honestly not entirely dissimilar to Han Solo in a lot of ways (the biggest difference being their class background and the influence those had on them)

Giving him some depth and history isn’t hard, and it makes him more interesting for Mando’s character to interact with and bounce off of because if Toro DIDN’T have any skills, knowledge, or potential, Mando logically wouldn’t have agreed to bring him along. He shouldn’t have to babysit a capable adult guy if Toro was just a whiny kid with zero life experience, and there’s no reason he would agree to give this kid room and board (and training) if Toro is ALSO annoying on top of that

Jay in MIB is as much an active participant moving the plot along as Kay is, and he’s interesting to watch and listen to because he has a different perspective than Kay and Kay genuinely likes him. He specifically chose Jay to train him not just to be his partner but to be his replacement. They’ve got different backgrounds and abilities that complement each other’s and allow the story to focus on the bigger adventure, their dynamic being the background/interpersonal character development part of the story that makes us care about the bigger picture. Jay’s own jokes, teasing, protests, and arguments, humorous or otherwise, are always grounded in something true and come from understandable motivations behind why he says or does them in the first place. Jay’s funny but more importantly he’s smart, and he’s able to justify everything he says or does. There’s never a moment where he’s annoying just because the writers wanted some comic relief and didn’t know how else to get that across. There is also humor that comes at his expense, but he’s not there for everybody else to dogpile on him. None of the teasing or treatment he gets from others feels mean-spirited or puts him at an unfair disadvantage in the scene— He can dish it out as much as he can take it, and the narrative allows him the freedom to do so without punishing his character for it (ex: Being called nicknames he said he didn’t want, but getting away with calling the other characters by nicknames too, pushing back against or reproaching authority when they’re out of line and frequently being objectively right or justified, his instincts or hunches or initiative being rewarded with the desired result, etc.)

Toro’s still more of a rookie in this universe, he’s not the exact same character as Jay (because Jay is already a seasoned cop), but giving him more depth based on what we DO see of him and grounding him and his background in something still understandably human hopefully sets him up to be dynamic and interesting, driving some of that forward momentum in the story. Stories are always more interesting when the characters are the ones driving it based on internal motivations and choices, not just being moved around by the plot. The circumstances Toro will end up in will almost always be because he made decisions that got him there, even if that decision is to go with what Mando decides. It’s only interesting to watch their dynamic develop if both of them are still making those choices.

What further differentiates Toro from Jay’s character is that I do give him more of the antihero qualities like I mentioned above. Right now he’s in it for his own self-interest. The areas where Toro’s character is immature are rooted in selfishness (a quality responsible and mature adults work to manage because being an adult usually means having other people relying on you); my own headcanons and background I’ve come up with have him established as a rich kid who set out on his own to make a name for himself, but who is still young and privileged without the boots-on-the-ground life experience of having to be self-sufficient and know his way around the galaxy.

The rich kid background means he’s got the money he left with and some connections he can pull later, but a life of privilege also means he’s been afforded an education, has had opportunities to diversify his skills in specialized areas other people don’t even have access to, has resources or knows where to gain said resources other people don’t, and most importantly, he’s had a lot of leisure time at his disposal growing up where he could just choose to go do or learn something whenever he wanted. (In Toro’s case, that meant doing the equivalent of drag-racing, stunt-riding motorcycles, learning how to shoot and familiarizing himself with firearms, and general mischievous/daredevil antics one can get away with when you both have the money to afford it and aren’t paying your own health insurance).

But this means that what he lacks is in not quite knowing how to relate to working class people, not being accustomed to being unable to just BUY stuff whenever he needs it, not having the kinds of wilderness or survival skills born from necessity, and not having had to refine his interpersonal skills so he doesn’t come across as rash, arrogant, impatient, rude, and annoying. Regular people don’t have as much money or resources and are more likely to rely on one another, which means learning how to navigate personal relationships and conflict so they don’t lose those connections and the resources/knowledge those people provide. Disposable income and a life free from the stress of simply surviving allows you the freedom of choice and the freedom to leave at any time, which means you may have less legitimate problems in your life but you’re also less likely to have deeper long term connections or patience with people/circumstances in general.

Toro’s used to instant gratification, but because of his particular upbringing (backstory for later) he was ALSO pushed to develop the sharper skills he does have; however, that means he’s more likely to be impatient and individualist by nature, and since his whole objective was striking out on his own to make a name for himself because bounty hunting seemed like a cool choice of profession, he’s selfish and stubborn almost by default because he doesn’t have the life experience that would have curbed that impulse sooner. He wants to do his thing, his way, and he wants to do it now.

That being said, I wanted Toro to be smart. He’s not a spoiled prince to the point of Kuzco in Emperor’s New Groove (because he wouldn’t have left a life of luxury otherwise)— Mando wouldn’t have the patience to tolerate him if that were the case. Part of Toro’s intelligence is in being able to see reason when it’s provided. He’s willing to listen to other options or explanations provided they’re good enough to justify why something has to happen how or why or when it does. He’s not so arrogant as to think he already has all the skills he needs to do this job— If he were, he wouldn’t have asked Mando for help in the beginning or admitted to the job with Fennec being the very first he’d ever taken with the Guild. Sure he’s prideful and wants to save face, but what 25 year old guy doesn’t?

The interpersonal conflict comes in because his flaws and traits collide with Mando’s less talkative, less sociable nature, meaning Mando’s not always going to tell Toro every detail of a plan at first, which sometimes causes Toro to protest or ask more questions than Mando may have patience for himself. He wants Toro to follow instructions when they’re given and stop questioning everything (partly because Toro DOES just need to learn to listen and not insist on his way all the time, and partly because a lot of what Mando does is second nature to him by now and he doesn’t always have a gauge for what other people may or may not know). Their conflict isn’t necessarily because they dislike each other, it’s because they’re just different. That's what makes them interesting and compelling to watch.

[vaccinateyoursmutgoblins]

Ok, so recently I finished the story mode for Mortal Kombat 1 (way late I know) and I have come to the conclusion that my least favorite chapter was the one in the fortress where Bi-Han “becomes a villain”(that’s how the devs tried to make it). This is because it really doesn’t do a great job with outlining why he would turn to that.

Sure he has a line talking about the money and maybe some cool statue soldiers but it does a disservice to him and the clan’s loyalty to itself. So I can up with an alternate idea!

Hear me out this is gonna be a doozy to explain but what if Bi-Han died in the fortress. Now I can already see you pulling out your pitchforks and torches but let me paint you the picture of what I can see….

We get to the end of Shang Tsung’s speech trying to get Bi-Han to hand over the Lin Kuei and Bi-Han says something to the effect of “to hell with your offer” to which Shang Tsung basically says “Have it your way” and another fight breaks out now with the brothers fighting against the Deadly Alliance and Shao.

Now we can have either the classic approach as the chapter ends during the start of the fight and we transfer to playing as Kuai Liang or you continue to play as Bi-Han up until someone (Probably the Deadly Alliance) corners you. Bi-Han maybe knowing there’s no way out for him says to Kuai Liang “Go get out” and the player becomes Kuai Liang. We have no idea what fate has came for Bi-Han because the last of him we see is him trying to fight his way out while Kuai Liang swears he will try to get help.

The fights ensue with Rain and Havik as per usual but when he gets to Tomas he’s upset because his brother basically sacrificed himself and now he has to explain that Bi-Han is still inside and that they need to get back to the Lin Kuei and rally them up- but then you hear a mechanical noise…

When they turn around they find Sektor and Cyrax (Human forms) with a small army of cyber soldiers. They make their evil villain speech explaining that they have been the evils this whole time setting up the cyber Lin Kuei behind their (the brothers’) backs while they were on missions, essentially turning their clan against them.

Their reason? It’s quite simple they were never as valued as the sons of the Grandmaster, they could work as hard as they want but they will never ever get to have a chance at being the leader of the clan because the siblings exist and they are pissed that they were screwed out of the chance (or Maybe Damashi showed them something idk).

Of course you know that a fight fueled by anger would ensue and you know that Kuai Liang and Tomas kick their asses. The fight ends with the Kuai Liang or Tomas trying to get a killing blow only to be knocked back by a cyber ninja while other cybers are dragging away the beaten bodies of their new Grandmasters (Like Team Rocket we’ll see them another day).

Now the reality has sunken in for the both of them… 1) They don’t have a clan to go back to and 2) Bi-Han is still inside (presumably dead or dying) and Tomas knowing the gravity of the situation says “We need to go back to Liu Kang, we will die if we go back in there” and the chapter ends with the remaining brothers scurrying back to Liu Kang and the others…

Alternatively, you could go for the approach that Kuai Liang witnesses his brother dying by the hands of one of the villains and snaps unlocking some new part of his power but I think keeping Bi-Han’s status unknown would lead to the presumable “Aftermath” DLC we might receive in the game.

Now this cleans up most loose ends, with this ending it allows the Shirai Ryu to be created since the Lin Kuei dishonored Liu Kang and allows for a new DLC to be created following the clans.

On the other hand this could also cause some of those who hate seeing Bi-Han die in every timeline to get angry but then we could see Bi-Han in this timeline get and actually compelling redemption in the new DLC maybe at the end we see him as Noob Saibot helping to build the Shirai Ryu and with the help of a Titan Serena (since he’s helped her in other timelines) become human once more and all the while we see the brotherly bond that a lot of us wanted in this game.

But that just a random thought I had while playing through that and the invasions modes. Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk. Goodbye!