#anyways buffy deserves better than that

[greensaplinggrace]

the fact of the matter is that buffy ends up isolated no matter what the scoobies do because she bears the burden of the slayer alone at the end of the day and nothing can change that. the problem with this isn't that she's separate from them, it's that they don't want to acknowledge that she is, and in doing so they drive a wedge between them that just grows and grows. the best thing about spike is that he's similar enough to this other side of buffy to understand it and her by extension. he is the only person around who can support that side of her.

most of buffy's issues in season six stem from the scoobies rejecting a part of buffy that spike accepts. and this shame she feels for her reliance on spike and the presence of this darkness and isolation she cannot avoid is largely because of them. i'm sick of this bizarre assumption that pointing out where the scoobies go wrong in their relationship with buffy somehow equals an uncritical uplifting of spike. just because he understands her and represents a certain aspect of her doesn't mean he doesn't fuck up. i mean that's kind of the whole point of their season six dynamic. one of his biggest issues is that he thinks he's helping her by enabling her completely because he doesn't have the ability to properly identify the line between self acceptance and self destruction - pursuit of the id is one of his biggest character traits. that's what makes the end of season six and his decision to get the soul so interesting (although of course there's just as much i can say about the narrative framing of that in regards to lore consistency and the story's obsession with angel, but that's a whole other thing).

point is, the scoobies cannot understand all of buffy, and when they refuse to acknowledge this they destroy their chances of building any bridges to even a simple relationship with that other side of buffy or helping her carry that burden in any way. meanwhile, spike is in the proper position to understand buffy as the slayer and hold his own with her in such a way, but his definition of love is wholly obsessive and destructive. while i disagree that he's incapable of love and even of loving selflessly without his soul, i think spike's version of love in particular is self destructive in a way that enables buffy's own desire to hurt herself through hurting him (see the aforementioned shame regarding her shadow self). spike cannot identify why allowing buffy to give in to her dark side in such a way is bad because he struggles to understand how she could use this to resent herself - although i do think he realizes it's happening on some level.

spike is also buffy's only form of catharsis and the only one that actually listens to what she is saying during a time when everybody else is dismissing her because of the aforementioned inability to understand her as the slayer. it's a clusterfuck - and a clusterfuck that needed to be shattered with a hammer for any kind of relief. and quite frankly to disregard the scoobies' own part in this situation does a disservice to buffy as a character. to be honest, she deserves fucking better than what everyone in her life gives her, especially the scoobies, who grow to take her for granted and feel entitled to controlling her life as a way of keeping her conformed - again, due to the aforementioned lack of desire to acknowledge this other part of her that they cannot connect with.

which leads to season seven, where spike is the only person on the show who has developed and changed enough to remain at buffy's side helping her carry the burden. while everyone else suffered during season six, none of them opened their eyes to what they were doing to buffy - and if they did, none of them acted on it. spike is the only one to acknowledge the damage he's done and work to become better for buffy in any way he can. he is the only one that ends up able to carry that burden with her because he is the only one capable of facing the truth and acting on his desire to do better.

the fucking problem isn't that he hurt buffy - because to be quite frank everybody did - it's that he's the only person on the whole damn show to acknowledge his place in buffy's life, and to acknowledge the burdens she bears, and actively change himself for her. did you know he has almost all of the genuine apologies in the entire show? seven seasons and all of the harm the scoobies cause buffy, and it's fucking spike that is acting like a mature person capable of being a proper partner.

[casboobs]

i finished buffy feeling very

[coraniaid]

Fuffy + keepsake + tension + quiet

Okay, this ended up being long enough that I should probably put a read-more somewhere...

Faith knows that none of this is real, right from the start.  

That’s something, anyway.  A small kindness on behalf of whatever higher power it is that runs all this.  It means that waking up, when it’s over, won’t hurt quite so much.

In real life, she knows that she’s about a year into a minimum twenty five year sentence.  That right now she must be sleeping fitfully on a hard bed in a gray cell somewhere in Stockton.  In real life she’s exactly where she deserves to be: locked up in a cage, in the dark, somewhere not quite in the ordinary world.  Somewhere she can’t do any more damage.  

Because she did it, all of it, everything they thought to charge her with and more.  She killed a couple of people, hurt plenty more, and she’d have kept going if somebody hadn’t stopped her, one way or another.  She’d enjoyed it – at least at first – and she’d been good at it.  Better than she’d ever been at playing at being some kind of hero. 

For a while, she’d managed to persuade herself that it was what she was born to do.  That she was becoming what she’d always been meant to be.  And then, later, when she’d sunk too deep, it didn’t matter anymore whether she enjoyed it or not.  There was no way out by then except to plunge head down and drown.

In the dream though, she’s back in school and none of that has happened yet.  

This isn’t a school she’d ever been to as a student.  Not one of the several different high schools back in Boston that had passed her back and forth like a particularly unappetizing hot potato before she’d done them all a favor and dropped out.  Not the school her mom had only sometimes remembered she went to, the school where she’d learned that other kids could smell weakness on you like a sickness and if you weren’t rich and smart and popular you were either strong or you were nothing.

This is the school.  Her school.  Sunnydale High.  Not ruined yet, not rubble and debris, but whole and unbroken.

She’s in the library.  Both of them are.  It’s just the two of them, alone in all the world.  Sparring, the way they’d used to back then.  Wondering if the other girl felt the same tension in the air whenever one of them – usually not her, at least the way Faith remembers it – would end up on top of the other at the end of a fight, trying to wrestle the other girl into submission.  Trying to pretend she didn’t notice the way the other Slayer’s tank top would ride up her stomach when she worked out, or the way her skin shone like gold when she started to break a sweat.  Back to working up the courage to ask if, now that Blueberry Muffin Scott was out of the picture, the newly single Buffy Summers could be persuaded to let Faith tag along with her to that Homecoming thing she was so crazy about.

In real life, a part of her remembers, this isn’t exactly how this had played out.  It had been a school day for one thing, at least for everyone but her.  The middle of the afternoon, not hours after midnight.  There had been crowds of kids noisily swarming in the halls outside, talking and laughing and totally oblivious to how important this moment was.  This is different.  Quieter.  Better.  Just her and Buffy.  The Chosen Two.  The way it should have been.

It hurts, reliving this.  Hurts more than she thought it would. But maybe this is also what she deserves.  Maybe she deserves to be punished.

“We never did get to go to that stupid party together, did we?” she says sadly.  “Not really.”

She’d always meant to.ask Buffy, afterwards, when it was too late, if things might have been different if they had.  If Trick’s stupid scheme hadn’t spoiled things.  If Buffy had seen that Faith could get dressed up and sit quietly in a limo like a normal girl; that she could follow the rules and make smalltalk while she waited to be asked to dance.  If she’d seen her standing up for her and putting that asshole Scott in his place.  If Angel hadn’t been back from hell already, already Buffy’s little undead secret, her hidden rival for Buffy’s attention and affection somehow winning without ever realizing he was in a fight.

But she hadn’t really ever been good, had she?  Hadn’t followed the rules.  That’s why she’s rotting in the dark in North California tonight and dreaming empty dreams about the past, not wherever Buffy really is.  Why she’s not where Buffy needs her to be.  That’s why she doesn’t get to ask that kind of question.

And maybe it’s why this dream memory of Buffy doesn’t even deign to answer the question she did ask.  Just smiles at her, politely, slightly puzzled, like what she said didn’t make any sense but it’d be rude to spell that out.

Maybe it didn’t.  Maybe this is one of those nightmares where she can’t even speak.  Where she keeps begging for forgiveness but can’t even get through that that’s what she wants.

Her stomach hurts most of all: an old, familiar ache.  Just nerves, she thinks at first, until she touches the place the pain is worse and feels something wet and hot and sticky.  Sees the dark stain spreading over the library floor where she's been standing.

“Damn,” she says wonderingly, looking down at the blood.  “I thought it had stopped doing that.”

At least the bleeding gets Buffy’s attention.

“Can I…?”

Buffy crouches down in front of her while Faith takes a seat.  Pulls her shirt away from her skin, gingerly.   Runs a finger slowly across her scar.  Gently, thoughtfully, almost fondly.  She doesn’t seem to notice the blood, or the way it stains her.  The way it sticks to her, red and vital and indelible.  Maybe she just doesn’t care anymore.  She looks up at Faith, green eyes wide and trusting.

“Does it hurt?” she asks.

Faith hesitates, but not for long. The bleeding seems to be stopping again anyway.

“Yeah,” she admits, because this is only a dream,  “Sometimes.  A little.”

“That’s good,” Buffy says, voice still gentle.  Expression still calm and innocent.  “You deserved this.”

She says it simply, like it’s just a fact.  Without any malice or anger at all.  And it is a fact, isn’t it?  Faith nods.  She did.  She does.

“Besides,” Buffy says, fingers still resting on Faith’s stomach.  On the place she’d slid the knife in two years ago.  “I think the scar suits you.  Something to remember me by once I’ve moved on.”

There's an echo there, of something Faith had said once herself, a long time ago.  When she was lost and flailing and drowning.  When she thought she was going to … but no, she thinks.  She won’t let herself finish that thought.

“Yeah, well, as keepsakes go I’ve gotta say it’s pretty crappy,” she grumbles.  “You couldn’t leave me one of your old stakes or something?”

Buffy shakes her head, absently wiping her hands clean on one of the books spread out casually on the table her friends all used to pile around for their secret little meetings.  Faith glances around, nervously, half sure that Giles is going to loom out of the shadows and throw a fit when he sees what they’re up to.

“I don’t exactly think they’d let you keep something like that where you are, Faith,” the other Slayer says, a little reprovingly.  Just like she used to do whenever Faith said anything wrong. 

Why can’t you be different? that voice says, even if this Buffy doesn’t.  Why can’t you try harder?  Buffy isn’t like Faith.  Half the time she doesn’t even want to be a Slayer.  She likes listening to her Watcher and worrying about tests and doing what she’s told and she’s never, ever going to joke about giving Faith a weapon again.

“Right,” Faith says, properly abashed.  “I guess I forgot.”

She hadn’t, not really, but it’s easier to pretend.  Not that Buffy seems to care.  She frowns, glances at her stake, suddenly in her hand.  Faith’s sure it wasn’t there a moment ago.

“Besides,” she says, “This one isn’t really mine to give you.”

Faith nods.  It was hers, wasn’t it?  The other one.  The girl who died.  The Slayer who she never met; the one who was supposed to exist between them.  Something had passed from Buffy to her, and then been passed back from her to Buffy.  Leaving Faith cut off, isolated.  A neglected offshoot.  A mistake.

“You never told me about her,” she says.

It’s not quite an accusation.  Not quite a simple statement of fact either.  She only remembers hearing her name said out loud once, in all the time she’d spent in Sunnydale.  Kendra.  Kendra the Vampire Slayer, who’d died less than a year after being Called.  

“You never asked,” Buffy answers quietly, a little uncertainly.  “And it was too …”

“... painful,” Faith finishes for her.  “Yeah.  I get that, now.”

Put like that, she supposes she and Buffy have both had a pretty good run.  Almost a decade, between the two of them.  More than most Slayers get.  More than a lot of ordinary people who don’t even get to enjoy the whole superpowers side of things ever get.  But nothing lasts forever, does it?  All they can do is delay the inevitable.

She has another memory, suddenly.  A moment she’d almost forgotten.  Her first night at Buffy’s place.  Having dinner; the first home cooked meal she’d eaten in God knows how long.  Pretending she couldn’t hear Buffy and her Mom quietly arguing in the kitchen.  That her Slayer senses didn’t let her hear Joyce tell Buffy that she didn’t want her daughter to die, or Buffy’s unwitting admission that she already had.  Remembers locking eyes with Buffy’s kid sister – who hadn’t stopped staring at her with a kind of quiet awe all night – and hoping her ears weren’t so sharp.  Helping herself to some of Buffy’s spare fries and winking at the kid while she did it.  Like they were partners in crime now.  Co-conspirators.

She’s never going to talk to Joyce or Dawn again either, she supposes.  Can’t exactly blame them for that.  Not after what she did.  She hopes they’re both doing okay though, back in Sunnydale.  Hopes that the world’s been kinder to them than she was.  But she guesses that that’s another sort of question she doesn’t have the right to ask Buffy.  Still, she–

A sudden noise surprises her.  A bell ringing, somewhere outside.  Shrill, demanding.  A summoning.  Not for her, of course – hell, Faith doesn’t even go to this school – but for the real Slayer.  For Buffy.

“I have to go,” Buffy tells her, almost like an apology.

Faith has a feeling she’s missing something important.

“To class?” she asks.

It’s the wrong question.  She knows that, even before the other girl shakes her head.  They’re both a little too old for high school, aren’t they?  Neither of them are kids anymore.  And somehow, without Faith noticing, Buffy’s changed out of the clothes she was wearing while they sparred.  Now she’s dressed in white; in an outfit that changes every time Faith looks at it.  First a dress, the sort Faith can imagine her wearing to Prom or to some other kind of high school dance, then a soft white cardigan over comfortable light gray pants like her Mom might have worn once, then a long white jacket stained with dust and ash and soot.  

“If …” Buffy starts, frowns, corrects herself.  “When you meet the new girl,  tell her …” 

The older Slayer shrugs.  Smiles ruefully, a little bit embarrassed.

“I dunno.  I haven’t figured it all out yet.  Just make up something cool.  You were always good at that, right?”

Her tone is more playful than pointed, but Faith can’t help but flinch a little.  Yeah, she’d told all kinds of dumb, bullshit stories when they’d first met, hadn’t she?  Desperate to make everyone think she was fun and exciting and interesting; to make the infamous Buffy Summers think that maybe she was going to have a little competition now.  To make her think she was worthy.  That she deserved to be alive when her Watcher and everyone she’d ever been supposed to protect was dead.  To convince her – convince herself – that they could even begin to be equals.  Of course Buffy had seen through that.  Of course she’d known they weren’t.

“You know me, B,” she says weakly.

She does.  She always has.  That was at least half the problem, wasn’t it?  No matter how cunning she thought she was being, she could never fool Buffy for long.

Now Buffy looks at her, and she sees her – every aspect of her, even the broken and ugly parts, the rotting and wrong parts she’d always thought she was able to hide – and Faith thinks that, in the way she only ever will do in dreams, she accepts her.  The real Buffy would have judged her, again.  Found her wanting. Asked her why she couldn’t just be perfect like Sunndale’s own Little Miss Sunshine.  

But this Buffy is different.  She looks at her, considers. Decides.  Leans forward, slowly, and kisses her gently on the forehead, the way that the real Buffy never did and never would have done.  It’s not forgiveness, exactly.  Faith knows that she doesn’t deserve that; knows that she never will.  Not even from a memory.  Not even in a dream. 

It’s something close though.  Call it acknowledgment, maybe.  Call it recognition.  Understanding.  An admission, finally, that Faith wasn’t crazy to think that they could be the same.  That they could have been the same, if only Faith had–

The bell rings again.  Louder, this time.  More insistent.  Buffy touches Faith’s shoulder, gently, just once.  A parting gesture.  Takes a step back, eyes never leaving hers.

“Be brave, Faith,” she tells her.  “Be better.”

Then she’s gone.  Slipping through the twin library doors like a pale ghost before Faith can respond.  They swing shut behind her, somehow locking closed again as they do.  The sound they make echoes throughout the library, hard and heavy and forever.

When Faith manages to force the doors open and stagger outside – before she even has time to wonder if the library doors always led right to the front of the school like this – she can tell at once that Buffy is gone.  No matter how hard she looks, there’s no sign of the other Slayer.  No flash of blonde hair or white clothing in the distance.  No sign of anybody else at all.  Just clear sidewalks and abandoned cars as far as the eye can see.  Deserted houses and abandoned playgrounds and other quiet, empty places. For the first time in nearly three whole years – for the first time since she was Called – she’s completely and totally alone.  But the sun is creeping over the horizon and the sky is full of birds.

[raisedbythetv89]

I hate all of this “well he was Buffy’s first love!” talk when discussing how much pain and devastation Angel caused in Buffy’s life as if for women our first loves MUST be horrible and painful always???? As if it was unavoidable anyway so let���s not be too critical of him.

First off, HE LITERALLY WASNT EVEN HER FIRST LOVE

The show acknowledges what happens in the movie so canonically what happened in the movie happened to tv show Buffy INCLUDING HER RELATIONSHIP. ANGEL WAS NOT HER FIRST LOVE.

Angel was just the first guy who stalked and targeted Buffy when she was at her most vulnerable and continued to constantly lie and manipulate her for his own selfish gains only to toss her aside once she no longer served her original purpose while continuing to lead her on and show up in her life every time she tried to move on and THAT is why it was so painful!!!

STOP NORMALIZING THE PAIN CAUSED BY ABUSE AND MANIPULATION AS THE SAME THING AS REGULAR HEARTBREAK IN NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS.

I did not have a good childhood, my parents had a horrible divorce when I was 7 and I had never seen a healthy relationship modeled IN MY LIFE - AND YET - my first serious relationship when I was 16 while it definitely had it problems like all young love does (his friends didn’t like how much time he spent with me and his mom both hated me for “taking her son away” but also loved me because she wanted a daughter so badly but only had sons - she was insane lol and we were both teenagers who made stupid teenager mistakes) he was with me for 3 1/2 years and absolutely would have married me if that was what I had wanted.

He would sneak out to see me when I was sad despite his strict parents, always bought me lunch because I would eat what I was sent to school with by 10 AM because I was STARVING because I had an almond mom who never fed either of us enough. Would happily listen to me rant about the twilight books as I read them during that whole phase, WROTE ME A SONG for my birthday (he was actually a talented musician and works as a sound engineer and music producer now) and basically just spent every second he could either with me or talking to me when we were apart. He loved taking me on dates and writing me love notes and we just laughed all the time. He was my best friend as well as my boyfriend and ending that relationship because I had outgrown him was SO PAINFUL because he loved me so much and even during the break up - which I handled HORRIBLY - he was kind and even gave me the birthday present he had bought me because he wanted me to have it even though it was still months away. (I say all of this to try and just show first loves CAN be more than just pain and devastation and if it isn’t making you happy a minimum 80% of the time and you instead just feel sad and confused THAT IS NOT NORMAL AND YOU DESERVE BETTER 🩷)

I know good experiences are not the case for everyone when it comes to first relationships and that’s awful and is not fair because young love SHOULD be innocent and naive. Just two idiots in love who have no clue what they’re doing but just happy to be around each other no matter what they’re doing (like what willow got to experience with Oz in high school) and Angel robbed Buffy of those experiences. He broke her trust of other people and in love and her trust in HERSELF - that’s not her “first love” that’s her first abusive relationship and calling it “her first love” or worse “her soulmate” only serves the patriarchy and harms little girls everywhere who grow up not knowing to look for or expect better because everyone around them and society is telling them “your first experiences with love and sex will be awful and painful and there’s no escaping it” when that is just NOT TRUE at all, especially if you date someone age appropriate in high school. Angel is the first older “man” she dated and like all older men with high school girls do, he took advantage of that imbalance in power in literally every way possible and I will despise that whiney little bitch until the end of time for that and wish he would have just stayed trapped in that hell dimension until the end of time as it is what he deserves.

“True love” doesn’t require severe pain and tears for it to be deep or meaningful. Don’t believe the lies terrible men like jw and so many others feed us.

[initiumseries]

Hi,

I searched your blog but didn’t see anything, not sure if I’m using the wrong keywords.

I’m watching Angel for the first time and I’m wondering what your takes were on Spike being a champion and the whole Nina/Angel relationship.

Thanks for looking! I haven't talked too much about s5 because usually on a rewatch I'm sick of the show by season 3, but I've contemplated skipping s4 entirely or just watching episodes and then jumping to s5 to refresh me. But anyway, I never really had strong opinions about Nina and Angel. I think at most, I was glad we were finally no longer acting like sex was off the table for Angel, because it never was. Sex with Buffy is off the table and that's because, well, true love. So with Nina came the acknowledgment that there was not the same kind of feelings there and that was fine. Especially after the whole horrible Cordelia thing, it was a breath of fresh air at the time. I don't know if I'll still feel that way now, but I did at the time.

As for the Spike thing...well...hmm. Lol. I don't believe Spike earned his position as a Champion. I think that they made Spike a poor man's Angel and I think his character deserved better than that. Angel's soul was thrust upon him, sure, but he rose to the occasion when called. Spike, did not. Spike lamented his circumstances despite doing it to himself. He whined and self pitied and then was used against the side of good to kill potentials for the first because he was so weak willed. I don't think he did a single think in s7 BTVS to deserve being a champion other than sacrificing himself, which, honestly, isn't enough, because again, he didn't do that to save the world, he did that to save Buffy. Spike's motivations for being "good" have always been either, because he still got to kill (when he had the chip), and then eventually because it got him closer to Buffy. In Angel, s1-3, Angel is put through hell because he is still atoning, but Spike...just gets to be a Champion now? Lmao. He doesn't earn it, and it's insulting honestly. But I think shows struggle with characters changing while still maintaining their core personalities, because it requires a longterm goal and plan.

Consider Zuko's redemption arc. It's probably the best redemption arc ever done on television. But it's because from the very beginning, Zuko was not irredeemable. He struggled, but he received love, he was forced into situations that exposed him to the violence of the fire nation, and ended up on the receiving end of that brutality. He was stripped of his royal status and had to interact with every day people, seeing the scars of war. It fundamentally changed him as a person. And even then, when the time comes for him to make a big choice, he makes the wrong one. He chooses his home, his sister, his previous life, and Aang nearly dies for it. But he had idealized the palace, and when he returns, and his uncle refuses to speak to him, he feels shame and regret. He realizes he isn't the same person he was when he left. He finally makes the right choice, and seeks out the Gaang, and they don't accept him easily. When they do, it's because Zuko *acknowledges* how he hurt them and how he plans on doing better. And even after ALL that, he still has to win over Katara.

But Spike? Lmao. Spike gets a chip in his head - which on its own is hilarious and fun - but becomes exhausting after a while. He doesn't spend more time around the scoobies and begin to see value in what the scoobies are fighting for. He doesn't begin to realize all the fear and harm and damage demons do to humans. He doesn't even actually save anybody, he just kills demons because it's the only people he can kill. He creates the buffybot out of his obsession with Buffy, and she rewards him for it. He doesn't go out and save people on his own, he kills demons on his own. He doesn't begin a path to redemption and keep trying to do right. He manipulates Buffy into spending time together "fighting evil" to expose Riley and stands outside her house so long he leaves piles of cigarettes. When he keeps Joyce and Dawn safe, it's to impress Buffy. It's not really about Joyce and Dawn. Sure, he likes them, but if they weren't an extension of Buffy, he wouldn't care about them nearly as much. He has no path to redemption, no reckoning with who he used to be, no guilt even. With a soul he mocks Robin, and wears his dead mother's jacket. Angel was ANGUISHED over what he'd done before. Spike tries to rape Buffy, then gets a soul to punish her. He never truly apologizes or is forced to confront what he did to Buffy. The scoobies aren't even allowed to be mad at him over it, much less make him work for their forgiveness. Buffy just lets it all slide. Then he self immolates and he's a champion? Where's the path to goodness? Where's the redemption? Where's the amends? Angel has an entire episode dedicated to making amends. Spike? Lol.

So all that to say, I don't think him becoming a Champion is any more earned or deserved than I think it made sense for Cordelia to suddenly take Buffy's place cuz she got visions.

[ablubluh]

for the character meme thing, what are YOUR thoughts on cordelia chase? 👀

hey. i never answered this. whaddahell.

my thoughts on cordelia chase is that she deserved sooooo much better. i'm in the midst of a very, very slow btvs rewatch (so many episodes i see the upcoming ep description and i'm like. do i have the strength for this. and often the answer is no. i'm almost at the end of s3) and she's been an absolute highlight, as expected.

she's such a fascinating example of organic character reveal and growth without sacrificing consistency. she never really stops being kind of vain and mean-girl-y, even when she's being kind and self-sacrificing. i will never forget her instantly dropping her clearly prepared smartassery when she saw buffy crying and immediately agreed to drive her home. she starts the series not caring about anyone because she fully expects everyone else to act that way, to not care about her, because that's not how her world works. and she half-joins the scoobies, and she helps them, and she starts to open up, and then xander not only cheats on her but then starts going out of his way to be an absolute fuckhead to her after she (checks notes) broke up with him for cheating on her and getting her impaled, while she's going through (checks notes again) healing from getting impaled, and trying to figure out who she is and how she fits into the world if she's not actually either rich or popular and feels that she doesn't have any useful skills (not incorrect). like her whole world is collapsing and her ex is literally walking in off the street to her workplace to tell her she's shitty, unprompted.

anyway i adored her in ats as well, like. girl who moves to the city to make it big, and doesn't, and doesn't feel like she can tell anyone. girl who is so so lonely and purposeless and lashes out to try to feel bigger than other people but finds out that actually, holy shit, people like having her around, and she can have a purpose, and there are people who care about her actually whether or not she's of use, and people who want her to be okay.

and then the latter part of ats happens because joss got mad that charisma was pregnant or whatever and i explode him with my mind

point is i adore cordelia chase and i am at all times rotating her in my mind like a beautiful rotissery chicken

[rock-and-compass]

Episode 5.8 – Destiny

Precursor - I wrote about the fifth season of Angel many years ago - probably around the time that the season 8 comics were first being published. I originally published these meta essays over on LiveJournal and I've decided to re-post them (as written), mostly for archival reasons. I love season 5 of Angel. It's such a shame it got axed before it could get the envisioned 6th and 7th series

Written by David Fury and Steven DeKnight

The concept of destiny is an interesting one. On one hand is the idea that life is a series of predetermined events that are inevitable and unchangeable. On the other is the thought that destiny is shaped by choices, decisions and the utilisation of free will and thus the individual is the architect of their own outcomes. Most people would argue that they ascribe to the latter version. The high value placed on individualism, self-determination and personal autonomy in Western cultures certainly supports this position. However, humans, being the contradictory creatures that they are, also often talk of ‘luck’ and ‘fate’ as determining factors. We rationalise disappointment or failure with “It was not meant to be” or “it was just bad luck”, we romanticise events and relationships by saying they are ‘fated’ or ‘destined’. So at the same time we claim the right to determine our own destiny, we also make allowances for some all-powerful universal force that can also influence or determine outcomes. 

Destiny has always been important in the Buffyverse. Buffy is the chosen slayer. It is her destiny, her fate to fight the forces of darkness despite the fact that this will inevitably lead to a premature death. Her choice as ‘the one’ was outside her control, she did not volunteer for the position; it was thrust upon her whether she liked it or not. Destiny intervened, big time. Buffy’s reaction is to accept destiny’s calling, but on her terms. She gathers a band of reliable allies where other slayers have fought (and died) alone; forms a partnership with her Watcher where previous slayers have been subservient and changes the rules of the game by empowering multiple slayers and thus challenges destiny’s insistence on the chosen one. 

Destiny is also very important to Angel too. First, fate catches up with him in the form of a curse that derails his demonic existence and then, more particularly after he is returned from the hell dimension to which he was sent in Becoming (part 2). Fate intercedes on his behalf and engineers his return. But it gets him thinking and wondering why a mass murdering monster such as he would be the recipient of such mediation when he deserves no better than eternity in hell anyway. In Amends he seeks Giles’ opinion: 

Angel: I should be in a demon dimension suffering an eternity of torture. Giles: I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that. Angel: But I'm not. I was freed, and I don't understand why.

And so he begins a process of self-examination; why is he here and what is his purpose? These reflections have particular importance to the souled vampire who has laboured with the guilt and shame of his past deeds for some time. Angel comes to the conclusion that the purpose for his existence is to make amends for his past actions.  Once he arrives in Los Angeles he is accosted by Doyle, a friendly demon who passes on messages from the mysterious ‘Powers That Be’, a metaphor for divine fate if ever there was one. The PTB are an all-knowing, all-seeing entity who can intervene in the day to day activities of humankind if they so desire but usually, in their infinite wisdom, choose not to. But they do choose Angel as their champion.  They give him missions; they encourage him to reconnect to his lost humanity by helping the helpless. They treat him with distinction, like he’s special. Well, he is one of a kind after all. 

The discovery of the Shanshu prophecy does nothing to diminish Angel’s growing self-concept of ‘uniqueness’.  It, in fact, proves it. The prophecy foretells the fate of a vampire with a soul who will play a major role in the apocalypse and who will win the reward of living and dying as a human. And, as there’s only one candidate in existence it becomes Angel’s unquestioned destiny to one day fulfil the prophecy. 

Um…, did we say there was only one candidate? That’s not quite right though. There was only one candidate but then the game changed. That other vampire, that little upstart Spike went and got himself a soul too. All bets are off kids. 

Destiny opens with a flashback to 1880, just days after William has been sired by Drusilla. In the Angel season two-episode Darla we see Drusilla, after complaining of the lack of attention she’s receiving from Angelus, advised to go and create her own plaything. Drusilla is enamoured with the suggestion: 

Dru:  I could.  I could pick the wisest and bravest knight in all the land - and make him mine forever with a kiss. 

Moments later William bumps into the trio as he rushes from recently endured social humiliation and romantic rejection (as seen in B5.07- Fool for Love).  Darla jokes at the sight of him "Or you could just take the first drooling idiot that comes along." …But Drusilla seems to see something in this tender-hearted stranger and seeks him out to create her companion.  Drusilla, of course, possesses ‘the sight’. She has psychic ability and can see the future but, thanks to Angelus, she is also quite mad, so it is difficult to know if her ramblings are actual divinations or just eccentric babble.  ‘Macha’ at the now defunct Tea at the Ford (in a meta that was titled “the joker and the thief: boundary and cauldron issues”) raises the tantalising possibility that Drusilla made Spike for the express purpose of impacting Angel's future, perhaps in some sort of revenge for how she herself was created. The King of Cups expects a picnic indeed, and just maybe that long awaited birthday has finally arrived. 

So Drusilla takes her new creation home to meet daddy. He assesses the new arrival as ‘another rooster into the henhouse’. Drusilla worries that Angelus is cross with her for turning William and making him one of them but Angelus seems quite eager to play with the new toy. He entices William into a game of ‘chicken’, holding their hands in a beam of sunlight until smoke spirals from their palms. William, though reluctant at first, quickly works out the rules and enters into the spirit of the sport. They laugh and Angelus declares that they will be the best of friends. Angelus is willing to teach the younger vampire the ways of the world as long as he knows his place and William seems to instinctively look up to and want to impress Angelus. Thus their relationship begins, an abominable [grand]father and son  with just a hint of competitiveness already beginning to infect. 

Back in the present day, some 120 years later, Spike and Angel are not the best of friends. Spike wants an office, Angel won’t give him one. Spike’s sick of nesting in someone else’s roost and it seems that as soon as he’s forced to share space with the old grand-sire that’s always exactly what he must do, play second-fiddle to his elder, be the second, superfluous rooster. Time to challenge some boundaries. Harmony gives Spike a package that has been sent to him, care of Wolfram and Hart. She opens it for him and a blinding flash emanates from within, apart from that the box is empty. Spike goes to continue his argument with Angel only to discover that he can’t actually walk through walls anymore. He’s no longer a ghost. He’s solid. He’s back. From the minute he’s back in corporeal form Spike makes his presence felt.  

Spike: Hey. I'm—(touches his chest) I can feel (touches Angel's chest) Angel: Hey. Stop touching me 

And that’s it in a nutshell. Angel just wants Spike to stop touching him, touching his world, touching his reputation, touching his conscience, touching his limitations, touching his identity. Spike takes the cup of blood out of Angel’s hand and drinks without hesitation. It neatly foreshadows coming events and begins to set up the dual juxtapositions of Angelus-William and Angel-Spike. Spike’s first priority is to feel. He sees Harmony, with whom he’s had prior dalliances (see season 4 and 5 of BtVS) and automatically sets about charming her into a quick ‘nooner’. He doesn’t have to try too hard. Angel denies permission but darn, Spike doesn’t follow orders anymore and Angel has little choice but to watch them depart. Meanwhile the office is in chaos. The phones have all gone crazy, the security and computer systems are all playing up and no one knows why….

Back in 1880 we find Angelus and William post the shared slaughter of innocents. They are the best of friends. William is in awe of Angelus, he’s a bloody killing marvel. He’s learning from the best. But he still doesn’t quite get it. Angelus offers him a drink, but William rejects the offer:

William: No, that's your spoils, mate.  Angelus: I've had my fill. Go on, take her.  William: Nah. I think I might go and find Drusilla. She's prowling for street urchins in the east end. Make her happy if I joined her for a bit.  Angelus: She's special, isn't she? Our Drusilla.  William: More than that. She brought me into this world. Where I was meant to be. It's like... she's my destiny

You can’t say that Angelus didn’t give him fair warning. ‘Sharing the spoils’, ‘‘our” Drusilla; this vampire life is clearly more . . . communal than William’s still human influenced, strictly defined rights of ownership allow. Angelus doesn’t correct him then and there, instead he sends William on his way with a fatherly warning to be back before sunrise and a silent resolution to teach the young pup a lesson. Ironically, at this stage, it is William who believes in destiny.  He believes that Drusilla siring him was destiny and that they are destined to be together forever.  William, despite being a vampire, is still somehow in possession of human reasoning and romanticism. Remnant human impulses allow him to think of Drusilla as his fate, stop him taking another man’s ‘spoils’, motivates the desire to make another happy and indeed, leads one to sire one's mother out of love. Funnily enough it is this retention of human emotions that causes Angelus to decide that William is a little dim. Hell, what kind of daft vampire has to be told that the rules of the game have changed? 

Angel and crew put two and two together and realise that Spike’s re-corporealisation is the reason for the office going haywire.  Eve arrives on the scene to confirm their suspicions. 

Eve: Upshot is we've got trouble with a capital "T," and that rhymes with "P," and that stands for "prophecy." Shanshu. Maybe you've heard of it?  Angel: Oh, God. That again. Yeah, I'm familiar. So?  Eve: So it talks about a champion; A vampire with a soul who'll play a pivotal role in the apocalypse, for good or evil. Anybody's guess - That part's hazy.  Fred: I thought the Shanshu had to do with Angel becoming human again after—  Eve: That's just the epilogue, princess. And, for the record, the prophecy doesn't call Angel by name.  Gunn: Hold on. You're saying because Spike's back, you think he's—  Eve: I don't think anything. All I can tell you is his very existence is disrupting the order of things. 

A glitch in the system, his very existence is disrupting the order of things. These are great analogies for the character of Spike who has often been accused of being a glitch in terms of the whole series; that he destroyed Buffy-lore by making it possible that vampires could exercise control over their inner demon and feel human emotions (Weinman, 2003). The writers defend Spike by arguing that he is an anomaly in the vampire world (Destiny, DVD commentary) and indeed, his inclusion in the series allows for much more interesting possibilities than bland rule-bound monsters ever could. (And is he really an anomaly? Drusilla, Harmony, that smart vampire from Buffy season 2, even Darla post-resurrection, Holden, the vamps in the blood den that Riley frequents... they all show some non-typical vampire behaviours at times)

Eve acts the innocent as she explains but Fred is suspicious:

Fred: You knew this would happen. All that time I was working on re-corporealising Spike, you never mentioned…

Eve denies the accusation and hits the ball back into their court by asking ever so sweetly how they managed the feat. Meanwhile, the encounter taking place between Spike and Harmony is not especially romantic. On Spike’s side it is a purely physical act, driven by a need to feel after the prolonged deprivation of all senses. Harmony is affected by the harbinger curse and accuses Spike of using her as a substitute for his ‘Slayer whore’, and she’s got a point, it wouldn’t be the first time.   

Angel is in denial about what is happening and, more particularly, why. He doesn’t want to believe that Spike’s presence and more significantly his, in Angel’s opinion, dubious status as a ‘champion’ has anything to do with anything. But Eve is insistent:

Eve: Fact, Jack. There's only supposed to be one candidate for the vampire with the soul hero part in the big show. Two of you and the wheel of destiny starts to spin off its axis. That's why everything and everyone is going mad.   

A little bit later and Spike wants to leave them all to it and head off to Europe and, by implication, Buffy,  but the news that the Big Cat (the conduit to the Senior Partners) is gone forces Angel to take the threat seriously and to ask Spike to stay until the problem can be sorted out. Eve suggests they need to determine who the prophecy is about in order to stave off universal destruction. Angel lets it slip that he’s recently read the Shanshu and now Spike is instantly suspicious:

Spike: Hold on. You read the prophecy? The one you don't believe in? Uh, load of rubbish, you said? Well, isn't that bloody interesting. 

Hang on! If the old bastard has been reading it, must mean he believes it so maybe there’s something to it after all?  So, in the absence of Wesley they go to Wesley’s department, to an expert named Mr. Sirk. He tells them about some newly translated verses that speak of the Cup of Perpetual Torment from which the prophesied vampire with a soul is predestined to drink. 

Spike: Perpetual torment? Just know that's not gonna taste very good Sirk: "He will have the weight of worlds upon him, binding his limbs, grinding his bones to meal until he saves creation... or destroys it."  Spike: Uh...right. So, what's in it for me?  Sirk: The vampire will have his past washed clean.  Angel: And live again in mortal form. Yeah, that part I know. 

So, Spike glosses over the torment part, after all, suffering, torment and high personal costs are not new experiences for him, and he wants to know what’s in it for him. Sirk supplies the answer which Angel then completes. He knows it by heart. That promise, that reward, that destiny. He’s tried not to believe, to hope, but it’s hard when you’re a ‘prophecy boy’ to ever completely forget or disregard. So, the solution to their problems is obviously to get Angel to drink from this cup. Spike objects. Why are they all so sure it's Angel? 

Angel: Ah, come on Spike, you really think this is about you? 

And in that short sentence Angel attempts to put the usurper back in his place. He dismisses any possibility that Spike could qualify as a hero and therefore the possibility that Spike could have anything to do with ‘his’ prophecy. But apparently this is not something they can argue about. It’s destiny. The drinker of the cup is preordained and can’t be altered. Luckily, the newly discovered parts of the prophecy pinpoint the exact location of the cup. It’s in an abandoned Opera House in Nevada, just waiting for the right vampire with a soul to show up and drink. 

Angel: I really don't have much of a choice. If it's there, I'm just gonna have to accept that the prophecy's real, and hope that it stops this madness. In the meantime, you're in charge. Keep this place quarantined till I get— Where's Spike?

Spike is, of course, nowhere to be found. While Angel is standing around talking, being cloaked in his own martyrdom, Spike is already in action and doing. Thus perfectly demonstrating one of the key differences between Angel and Spike– one says, the other does, inertia versus action. On their way to Death Valley the rivals share a heated telephone exchange in which Angel comes within inches of claiming the Shanshu, which he has always believed was his, as his: 

Angel: You think this is a game? People are dying.  Spike: And one of us is going to stop it. Hey, what do you know? I vote for me.  Angel: There's no voting. It's a prophecy. And the Shanshu's not about you, Spike.  Spike:  Still can't accept it, can you? Sad, really. All these years believing you're the signified monkey, only to find out you're just a big hunk of nobody cares.  Angel:  I really wished you stayed a ghost.  Spike: But I didn't, did I? Burned up saving the world, and now I'm back for real. Wonder why that is? Oh, wait. 'Cause I'm the one, you git! 

‘It’s not about you’, Angel tells Spike. The gap in the information is of course Angel screaming silently “It’s me! It’s my prophecy! Now back off brat!” To make matters worse Spike vocalises Angel’s worst fear. “All these years believing you're the signified monkey…” He had to believe he was special, why else would he have been bought back from that Hell dimension? Why else would the PTB have made him their hall monitor?  He has to be special.

Spike beats Angel to the Opera House but waits for Angel to arrive before heading for the cup. For Spike, it’s not just about fulfilling the prophecy, it’s about a confrontation, one he’s been dying to have for a long time. 

Spike: Here we are, then. Two vampire heroes, competing to wet our whistle with a drink of light, refreshing torment Angel: Is that what you think you are—a hero?  Spike:  Saved the world, didn't I?  Angel:  Once. Talk to me after you've done it a couple more times.  Spike:  Done talking, mate. Got a prophecy needs fulfilling. Ta. Angel:  Spike! Damn it! 

Angel is still dismissing Spike’s candidacy because of his lack of hero-credibility. He thinks he knows the real Spike, and that guy’s not a hero; demons don’t change, and besides, Angel’s always been the superior one, and that certainly hasn’t changed. Has it?

Back in 1880 we see William returning from an unsuccessful attempt to find Drusilla. He finds Angelus indulging in some carnal pleasures with, William assumes, his ‘spoils’ from earlier in the evening. But it is not the unfortunate bride; it is Drusilla that Angelus is rutting and William is visibly crushed. 

Drusilla: The little children didn't come out to play. Did you miss me, pretty William?  Angelus:  I'm sure he did, Dru. After all... you are his destiny.  Drusilla: Oh. That's so sweet. 

And then Angelus laughs at William and his odd, foolish, romantic notions of Destiny and then Drusilla joins in. They both laugh at his absurdity. William gets angry, directing his fury squarely at Angelus…

Back in the opera house Angel reaches the cup. It’s right in front of him. All he has to do is take a few steps forward, reach out, grab it and it’s his. But he doesn’t. He hesitates. Spike arrives, landing just behind Angel. They both look at the cup:

Angel: So... what do we do now?  Spike: (sighs, punches Angel, smiles) What do you think?

Actions speak louder than words yet again; Angel hesitates, asks for guidance, talks too much. Spike goes for action, draws Angel into this long-coming confrontation.  

Spike: Come on! Let's see how much soul you really got in there. 

And so it begins, this epic fight between student and master, ‘father’ and ‘son’, that is about so much more than drinking from some stupid cup. Vicious punches are thrown and it is obvious that both are relishing this opportunity to finally have a crack at the other. Spike gets the upper hand and sends Angel flying backwards. As Angel lands he inadvertently comes into brief contact with an ornate crucifix. Angel recoils in pain and kicks the offending relic away. Spike laughs:

Spike: Oh, yeah. Look at you. Thinking you're the big saviour, fighting for truth, justice, and soccer moms—but you still can't lay flesh on a cross without smelling like bacon, can you? 

Spike belittles Angel’s superhero stance, substituting a cheap icon of middle-America for the usual ‘American way’. Spike is really asking; how can a superhero, defender of the helpless, really be a hero if he can’t touch a cross, if he is still innately evil? The cross or crucifix is significant here because it is the ultimate symbol of redemption. The crucifix is a Christian symbol that signifies Christ’s death and resurrection and the bearing of sin on behalf of humanity and ensures that, if faith is placed in the resurrected Christ, then forgiveness of sins is guaranteed as is as an eternity spent in heaven. The crucifix has always been important in vampire mythology. In Eastern Europe, burial with a crucifix was believed to prevent rebirth in vampiric form and increasingly in nineteenth century vampire literature, the cross became recognised as a weapon with which to ward off vampires, the holy symbol being a direct [and painful] contrast to demonic evil.  So if Angel is still not able to so much as touch a cross then what does it say about him and his crusade for redemption? Angel dismisses Spike’s observations not by arguing his case but by countering, “Like you’re any different”. The challenge has been thrown and Spike takes on the argument, he reckons he’s got a pretty good case:

Spike: Well, that's just it. I am. And you know it. You had a soul forced on you—as a curse. Make you suffer for all the horrible things you'd done. But me . . . I fought for my soul; went through the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over, but I kept fighting. 'Cause I knew it was the right thing to do. It's my destiny. 

Spike is sure that the acquisition method of their souls makes all the difference. Makes his superior, makes him superior. It allows him to make ironic reference to ‘destiny’, a concept he no longer professes any faith in, just to rub Angel’s nose in it. Confidence and self-belief are Spike’s biggest advantages over Angel at this moment. Angel is so lacking in these vital elements that he can’t even mount a decent argument against Spike’s logic; he can’t formulate the words to defend himself. Time and time again in this banter-filled battle he resorts to cheap shots and low blows. 

 Angel:  Really? Heard it was just to get into a girl's pants. 

Um, no, he already did that, before he got the soul. That wasn’t the reason. But nevertheless, the allusion to Buffy and the belittlement of Spike’s motivation to retrieve his soul certainly get Spike increasingly riled.  In the course of the battle Angel again finds himself within striking distance of the cup. Again he’s hesitant; again Spike is able to make a counterattack. The fight goes on with Angel continuing to deride Spike’s mental capacities while Spike continues to question Angel’s hero-status because of his apparent allegiance with Wolfram and Hart and openly questions which side of the line Angel is fighting on. Angel counters with an enigmatic, “Little more complicated than that”, then can’t resist having another dig at Spike, “But you always were a bit simple... Willy”. Angel, confidence suddenly higher now that the upstart is back in his place, strides towards the cup…

A flashback to 1880 reveals Angelus repelling a weak, ineffectual attack from William with embarrassing ease. And so we get a look at how vampire hierarchy works, how the game is played.  The boy needed to learn so Angelus taught him. And the first rule is that Angelus is the boss. And the second is that in the world of vampires you can take what you want, when you want it, but nothing is yours. There is no ownership or exclusivity.  Spike tries to argue that he and Drusilla are ‘forever’ and sort of convinces Dru to the idea,  it's romantic and strange and enticing in this harsh reality of vampires and it changes the whole reading of the Spike/Drusilla relationship.  Angelus is scathing, “Ah, still the poet now, aren't we, Willy?” then taunts William into making another attack on him on behalf of Drusilla. 

Back in the present day the fight is reaching its climax:

Spike: Come on, hero. Tell me more. Teach me what it means. And I'll tell you why you can't stand the bloody sight of me. Angel: Tell it to your therapist.  Spike: 'Cause every time you look at me... you see all the dirty little things I've done, all the lives I've taken... because of you! Drusilla sired me... but you... you made me a monster Angel: I didn't make you Spike, I just opened up the door... and let the real you out.  [Spike picks up the cross and hits Angel with it, knocking him across the room. Spike continues to hold the cross in his hands.] Spike: You never knew the real me, (only when his hands begin to smoke does he throw the cross away) too busy trying to see your own reflection... praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. Take a long look, hero. I'm nothing like you! 

And so we get to the crux of why Angel hates Spike; because he is at the end of the day, Angelus’ greatest creation.  A reflection made in Angelus’ image so that he can look upon himself in all his glory. Drusilla might have been a work of art in the destruction of a human mind, but Spike, well he’s a masterpiece, he’s killed two slayers, he’s second only to the grand sire in notoriety, he’s a chip off the old block: he’s a legacy. And somewhere deep inside him, ‘Angelus’ is proud.  But he makes Angel uncomfortable. He represents everything that Angel hates, or at least he used to… Spike may be an Angelus production, but he turned his back on that, changed, challenged the demon, did what Angel never could, and it galls him that this little upstart might just be better. And to seal the argument Spike picks up the crucifix and hits Angel with it, sending him flying across the room, he holds it, deliberately and prolonged, demonstrating his superiority not only in the ‘flesh on cross’ stakes but also the redemption and demonic reconciliation stakes and brings us back full circle to the beginning of the argument once more. They are different and it seems that the method of soul restoration really does matter. But a hundred-plus years' worth of conviction that someone is your inferior is a hard thing to budge, and Angel doggedly clings to what he knows despite all argument and evidence to the contrary:

Angel: No. You're less. That's why Buffy never really loved you; because you weren't me. 

Who’s clinging to a ‘forever’ love now huh? So Spike decides on a base reminder; “Guess that means she was thinking about you... all those times I was puttin' it to her” he says, succeeding in getting Angel back into the fight. “Let’s finish this” Angel says menacingly and slips into game-face. Spike follows suit. It is kind of strange that it has taken this long for the vampire brows to appear, but now that it’s a fight to the finish, to the death, it’s no use denying what they are. The final phase of the fight is quick and to the point. Both give as good as they get but Spike manages to gain the upper hand, simultaneously kicking Angel to the ground while snatching a fragment of wood out of the air. Once the wood is in his hand he instinctively adopts a staking stance, hesitates for a moment, and then drives the wooden stake home into . . . Angel’s shoulder. Angel cries in pain and reverts to his human face. 

Spike: Probably should've dusted you, but honestly... I don't want to hear her bitch about it.

So, Spike doesn’t kill the old sire at the end of the fight, he chooses to show mercy where perhaps, had the roles been reversed, Angel would have shown none. Then to add salt to the wound, Spike reminds Angel that he does have a relationship with Buffy; that he doesn’t want to hurt her, that Angel’s death would hurt her and that he won’t be responsible for that. And even sweeter, is the unmistakable assumption that he will be communicating with ‘her’ in the near future whether Angel likes it or not. It is beyond his control. 

Spike takes the cup, he’s won the right, but still Angel tries to dissuade him:

Angel: That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cross. One you're gonna have to bear till it burns you to ashes. Believe me. I know… So ask yourself: Is this really the destiny that was meant for you? Do you even really want it? Or is it that you just want to take something away from me? 

It’s a nice insight into Angel. The promise of the Shanshu has not been all hugs and puppies; we knew that, but Angel actually sees it as nothing more than a torturous burden. You’d think he’d be happy to be well rid of it. But he’s not because it’s His Destiny and he wants it more than anything, he needs the punishment, the torment to earn his forgiveness, earn his redemption. It’s his proof he’s worth saving but it’s slipping between his fingers like water the more he tries to hold on to it. He tries to warn Spike, tells him about the downside to being a prophecy boy and finally tries to challenge Spike into revealing why he wants it anyway? Is it to be a champion or to take something from Angel? Spike’s reply is characteristically honest. A bit of both actually. 

By drinking the cup Spike stakes a claim for this destiny not because he believes in the destiny, but because he can. He’s the ultimate advertisement for free will. William/Spike was a good student. He learnt his lessons well. He learnt the ways of the vampire, accepted his place in the hierarchy and forsakes his belief in destiny. Angelus was an excellent teacher. It prepared him well for the break-up of the family, when it was just him and Drusilla. And they thrived together; he killed another slayer and garnered a notorious reputation. It was all going swimmingly until a mob in Prague got the better of them, nearly killed Dru and forced recuperation on the Hellmouth of Sunnydale. That’s when things started to go off track. The return of Angelus made the duo a trio and Spike lost his place at the top of the tree, as Dru’s favourite, now his elder was back. And then their audacious plan of unleashing hell on earth necessitated Spike’s allegiance with the Slayer to defeat them and win back his ‘true love’. Drusilla never quite forgave him for that and so Angelus was right; theirs was not a forever love, she was not his destiny, and he was lost. On his return to Sunnydale, the hand of fate intervened, or was he just in the wrong place at the wrong time? The Initiative shoved a chip in his brain that effectively ended his days of hunting humans. It should have been the end of him. He should have ended his days as a guinea pig in a science laboratory but instead Spike now starts to develop his gift of thumbing his nose at ‘fate’. He escapes, goes to Buffy for help, and adapts to the new situation. Giles makes an interesting observation in The I in Team:

Giles: Um, thinking about your affliction and, ah, your newfound discovery that you can fight only demons; it occurs to me that . . . I realize this is completely against your nature but I-I-I-- Has it occurred to you that there may be a higher purpose-- Spike: Ugh! You made me lose count. What are you still doing here? Giles: Talking to myself, apparently.

Giles puts the suggestion out there, a higher purpose, a destiny; but Spike will have none of it and he continues that way, doing things on his own terms for his own reasons. He makes his own destiny thank-you very much. Chip in the brain? Seek asylum from your worst enemy. No purpose to existence?  Find purpose in Slayer’s kid sister. In love with the Slayer? Forge a relationship with her. No soul? Get one. Not a champion? Become one. A ghost? Learn to affect the world around you despite the limitations! Want it? Want it badly enough? Then make it happen. Spike has never needed a higher purpose, a prescribed destiny to act. He is the master of his own destiny, and his seizure of the cup is a practical demonstration of this. 

But . . . the cup is a fake. It’s not perpetual torment, it’s Mountain Dew. The search for the cup has been a wild goose chase set up by god-knows-who in a deliberate ploy to god-knows-what.

Angel and Spike high tail it back to Wolfram and Hart where the chaos has not abated. Gunn has fallen under the harbinger curse, and turned his crazed attention on Eve, pinpointing her as the cause of all the troubles, singling her out as untrustworthy and a dangerous enemy who wants to kill them all. He’s sedated and restrained along with other victims. Sirk has disappeared leaving them with no clues as to who master-minded the plan to dupe them and no clue as to how to stop the madness.  But the second problem is resolved when just as suddenly as it began, the curse wears off and things return to normal.

Eve explains that the Senior Partners have been working on the problem from the start and have managed to temporarily restore equilibrium to the universe. She asserts that they don't know a thing about it and that they are as angry as Angel about the whole thing. Angel is both dubious and suspicious. The events of the day don’t seem to have had a lasting impact on Spike – but why would they; sure the cup was a fake, but he got his solid back on, got lucky, had an awesome fight and got to be the bigger man by not killing Angel so he could only feel good about the outcome. Angel on the other hand…

It’s his turn to be crushed. He confides in Gunn that Spike beat him. Gunn doesn’t understand; Wesley would have, but Angel has to explain it to Charles:

Angel: No, you don't...He won the fight, Gunn... for the first time, doesn't matter if the cup is real or not. In the end, he... Spike was stronger. He wanted it more.  Gunn: Angel, it doesn't mean anything.  Angel: What if it does? What if it means that...I'm not the one? 

And if he’s not the one then what the hell is he? Everything he thought he was, everything he’s fought to be. Suddenly there are question marks where once there was certainty.  

By episodes end it is clear that Eve and ex-Wolfram and Hart lawyer Lindsey McDonald, are partners in the plot to undermine Angel, they are the puppeteers masterminding this great performance:

And we are left wondering did they know what would happen once Spike was reintegrated with the World? Was the chaos real or somehow manufactured along with the new bits of the prophecy and the cup as part of the elaborate ruse? It seems apparent that the duo is behind the retrieval of the amulet from the ruins of Sunnydale and the postage of both it and the re-corporialisation box to Wolfram and Hart. It begs the unanswerable question whether they actually provided or engineered, through Lilah, the use of the amulet as a bargain sweetener in the take-over deal, and who they actually wanted to wear it. In Lineage, Eve alluded to the suggestion that the amulet had indeed been worn by its intended target after all, but this then invites speculation of how they could possibly guess that Buffy would give it to Spike. Speculating is all we can do because it’s never fully explained.  Probably doesn’t matter. The disruption to the universe does seem real though. People are going bloody-eyed and turning ‘postal’, and more significantly, the Big Cat, the conduit between the firm and the senior partners is gone, replaced by a howling abyss. Surely this is more than Eve and Lindsey could achieve on their own and undetected?  It is also important to note that Wesley’s absence is integral to the success of their cup scam. Eve needs her ‘expert’ to be the one to interpret the prophecy and direct them to the cup. It would seem that Eve and Lindsey were aware of the implications of the amulet and the real consequences of re-corporealisation, and therefore they had to bide their time and wait for an opportune moment before allowing Spike to become corporeal again. Team Angel is now on red alert but looking at the Senior Partners in suspicion. Eve seems pleased with this outcome.

And Spike didn’t kill Angel, she tells Lindsey, surprised but not perturbed. Is that what they wanted, or did they want Angel dead? Or didn’t they care? Seems they can work with whatever outcome. It’s a start.

Next up - Angel 5.9 Harm's Way

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

KENDRA YOUNG (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/ANGEL THE SERIES) (CW: Racism)

1.) Kendra was shafted due to a combination of misogyny and racism. She is a Jamaican young woman who enters the narrative to serve as a foil for Buffy, the main character. Her backstory is one-dimensional and her personality is one-note. (Rather than exploring what it might be like to be a teenager growing up in Jamaica, facing the same Chosen One fate as Buffy in a different setting, they just made her robotically devoted to the idea of being a slayer with no other traits.) She exists purely as a comparison for one issue that Buffy is encountering during this time in the story. As soon as Buffy worked through this issue to the writer’s satisfaction, Kendra was removed from the story (i.e., was killed by being outsmarted, hypnotized, and then executed by a villain). During her brief life, she was subjected to the trope that when two women are in the same story they have to hate each other and see each other as rivals, despite the fact that this makes so sense with either of their characterization. She is MUCH less fleshed out than the vast majority of other characters in the story and her narrative role is eventually replaced with a far more complexly written white woman (proving that they could have done all this interesting stuff with Kendra in the first place??? but chose to kill her off instead.)

2.) She was introduced as a foil to the protagonist and set up as being an important new addition to the cast whose very existence in the show completely altered the status quo and she had a really interesting dynamic with the protagonist and a compelling backstory and a lot of potential for some great character development and to provide a new point of view and there was just generally so much potential there AND THEN THEY KILLED HER OFF AFTER LIKE THREE EPISODES AND NEVER MENTIONED HER AGAIN. FUMING. (also she was like. the only major woman of colour on the show at least for the majority of the show’s run. so y'know that fucking sucks)

anyway I think this post really sums up how badly she got screwed over:

3.) Okay, so I had more been considering her a victim of racism, but let’s call it misogynoir. Aside from the sexist origin she shares with all the slayers - some men got together to imbue Woman with power against her will which they would then oversee and manage for their own purposes and according to their own interests- she has been trained for slaying from childhood and yet she is killed pretty quickly after entering the story for the purposes of a white girl’s angst and character development (and in fact her character only exists for this purpose)… by a fingernail. A powerful, well-trained, competent and bad-ass girl is killed because she didn’t lean back one inch further fast enough. IIRC there’s also sexism and racism in the way she is portrayed as kind of naive about the normal world and Buffy has to show her how to be a normal teenager.

KATHERINA MINOLA (THE TAMING OF THE SHREW) (CW: Domestic Abuse)

1.) We had to read this for English my senior year. I got so mad at the way she’s treated. She’s the titular “shrew” of the play. She has to be married off before her younger sister can get married, because that makes sense.

Then the most dogshit man imaginable comes along, and everybody thinks they’re perfect. He literally gaslights her and denies her food and water.

Fuck Petruchio and Katherine Minola deserved better!

2.) Literally the whole play is about how she is so awful that the main guy needs to change her entire personality, which he does as a challenge not because he likes her, and then proceeds to her abuse her for the rest of the play. Yet, he is portrayed as the hero, not a villain and she is shown to have “improved” at the end. People will say, oh it’s open to interpretation, it can be played different ways, it’s satire, but i don’t find abuse funny and there is a distinct lack of commentary in the play to count as satire imo. Taming of the Shrew is a tragedy not a comedy, I will die on this hill. Kate deserves better!

3.) The title isn’t joking, ya’ll. She literally gets broken like a rebellious feral animal and it’s treated as a happy ending.

[threewaywithdelusion]

I’ve been seeing the Jamie Forgiving His Dad debate and I think it’s really interesting.

A) we don’t know if he forgives his dad. All we know is that he visits him in rehab. Maybe they fight. Maybe Jamie decides he can’t be around his father because his dad finally making an effort is too little, too late. Maybe James Tartt falls off the wagon.

B) I don’t hate it as an ending because it feels true to the characters. If I were Jamie, would I forgive James Tartt? No. Do I think people should always forgive their abusive parents if they learn from their mistakes and try to be better? Also no. Do I think Jamie Tartt, as a character, is the type of person to give his dad a second chance even after everything his father put him through? Absolutely yes.

Do I think Ted Lasso is the type of person to tell Jamie to forgive his dad even though that’s arguably terrible advice? Also absolutely yes. Ted believes in second chances, even when people don’t deserve them.

Watching Ted Lasso, I was thinking about Buffy. (Haha yes, the day I don’t relate something to Buffy you will know I have been replaced by an alien lookalike).

Anyway.

In Buffy, Giles says “To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It’s not done because people deserve it. It’s done because they need it.”

In some places, Ted Lasso executes that idea really well. It’s Ted forgiving Rebecca for sabotaging Richmond for a whole season because “divorce is hard.” It’s Ted telling the police that he gave Beard his car. It’s Ted never holding Nate’s betrayal against him, even though it hurt him deeply and personally, and welcoming him back with open arms.

It’s Ted, it’s Ted, it’s Ted.

Of course Ted told Jamie to forgive his father. He couldn’t ever have done anything else.

Also featured in Buffy is the idea that “redemption is a process, not an event” (to quote Mark Field in Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Myth, Metaphor, & Morality). This idea shows up again and again, but especially in the characters of Angel, Faith, Spike, and Willow.

One grand gesture is not redemption. Promises are not redemption. Redemption “is fighting. It’s hard and it’s painful and it’s everyday.” 3.10

So no, I don’t think James Tartt has been redeemed. I think he can be. If he tries really, really hard every single day for the rest of his life, then maybe he can be redeemed. He can’t know he will succeed and that’s part of the point: to struggle and fight to be good, not to win back Jamie’s affections or to be considered a good person, but because it’s the right thing to do.

(Doctor Who now: “Goodness is not goodness that seeks advantage. Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit, without hope, without witness, without reward.”)

Redemption is Jamie apologising to his teammates, not being a bully again, and actually passing the ball. A (much flimsier) redemption is Nate giving up the glory that he’s chased at everyone else’s expense and going back to being Richmond’s kit boy.

Redemption is not Isaac attacking a homophobic fan because that is an Event, not a Process. (If he wants redemption, he’s going to have to work harder and keep working, but I do have faith that Isaac will get there).

One of the things I like about Ted Lasso is that the characters are imperfect. Always. They work on themselves and try to be better people and they’re still imperfect. When the story ends, Roy is still the kind of guy to get into a fistfight over his ex-girlfriend. Jamie is still the kind of guy to use a leaked sex tape like a weapon when he feels threatened. Rebecca is still the kind of woman who shields herself against a relationship that could really hurt, because she's been burned before. Ted still hides his emotions behind humor and forgives people who don’t deserve it. Beard goes back to Jane.

Do the characters end up better than where they started? I’d say overall, yes. Have they fixed all their flaws and overcome all their struggles? Absolutely not.

All that to say, I like that Jamie went to see his father. Personally, I think that's going to go terribly and James is going to let him down again. I don't think James Tartt deserves forgiveness or a second chance. But Jamie has to be Jamie. And Jamie was always going to forgive his father the second James Tartt showed the slightest hint of trying to reform himself.

[taytrashmouth]

Prompts and requests!!!

Okay so requests are open so keep sending them in!!! Here are some prompts, and characters I write for, let me know what you want to see next.

you can send in original ideas too!

Send requests with the prompt and the character you want to see it with.

Prompts:

1. “You’re being all cute and sweet and it’s making me want to kiss you.”

2. “You said you liked _____, like a month ago so I bought it for you.”

3. “Can I braid your hair!?” “Absolutely not.” “Pleeeeeassse” ends up braiding their hair.

4. “Who did this to you?”

5. “You don’t deserve someone like that.”

6. “Are you jealous?”

7. Reunited after a war

8. Taking care of each other when they’re sick

9. “Please don’t cry.”

10. “Did you just lick me?”

11. “Say the words and I’m yours.”

12. “Do you ever miss us?”

13. “Just….please, h-hold my hand for a bit. I’m scared.”

14. Slow dancing by a fire.

15. “If even half that blood is yours, you need to sit down.”

16. Trying to study but they keep distracting you

17. Cuddling on the couch for the first time, every touch is electric, it’s awkward it’s new, etc.

18. Person B discovering person A has been abused in the past.

19. Person B is insecure about their scars, person A makes them feel better about this.

20. Sunshine x black cat

21. “I trust you.”

22. “You’re staring!”

23. “I like seeing you happy.”

24. They kiss “I’ve been waiting to do that for ____ years.”

25. “Are you nervous?”

26. “Are you cold?” “No.” Gives them their jacket anyway.

27. “You are everything to me! Don’t you see that!?”

28. “You told me you were okay! You promised!”

29. “Where did you get those bruises?”

30. “You should’ve been here! With me!”

31. “I love you!”

32. “Wait!…..stay.”

33. “I want to stop loving you but I can’t! I close my eyes and all I dream about is you!”

34. “As you wish.”

35. “Goodbye.” They whisper with tears in their eyes and a cracking voice.

36. “Are you up?”

38. Watches their lover die

39. “You’re more than a one night stand….you know that.”

40. “Why can’t you just love me back?!”

41. “Letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”

42. “Can’t you see that I’m trying?”

43. “How long?”

44. “Look me in the eye and tell me you never loved me…say it!”

45. “You still have sleepy stuff in your eyes.”

46. “Okay sleeping beauty it’s bedtime, I’ve got you.”

47. “You smell nice.”

48. Tickling each other

49. “If I could hold you in public I don’t think I’d ever let go.”

50. “God here- just hold my hand.”

51. Person A “Well you could-“

Person B “if you suggest I sit in your lap I’ll hit you.”

Franchises I write for:

Stranger things

Game of thrones

Friends

The summer I turned pretty

Harry Potter

IT

The last of us

Marvel

I am not okay with this

Outer banks

Kingsman

Heartstopper

That 70s show

The hunger games

Buffy the vampire slayer

(I will write for any character from the above franchises)

Characters I love to write:

(To give you some ideas)

Steve Harrington

Eddie Munson

Max mayfield

Robin Buckley

Robb stark

Jon snow

Chandler Bing

Jeremiah fisher

Harry Potter

Hermione granger

The Weasley twins

Richie Tozier

Beverly marsh

Joel miller

Ellie Williams

Thor

Captain America

Peter Parker/ Spider-Man

Peter quill

Stanley barber

JJ Maybank

Eggsy

Nick Nelson

Eric foreman

Micheal kelso

Steven Hyde

Peeta Mellark

Spike

Angel

Feel free to send in requests without prompts too!

I am open to writing for ships within those franchises too!!

Can’t wait to write!!!!! Send in those requests!!!!

Love to anyone who reads my work❤️

[girl4music]

Now that I’ve gotten to watch the entire reaction, Naj really said it all. Everything that matters anyway.

And this is why I hate ‘Empty Places’. And why I think it’s just written in as drama for the sake of drama and has no organic development whatsoever as far as character interaction consistency goes.

If I was honest, I don’t really like the entire season but there are some good episodes so I can’t say I hate it. But it’s just that ‘Empty Places’ aggravated me so much that it’s hard to praise anything about Season 7. This is the bottom line: You do not kick the fucking hero out of her own fucking house!

But Naj, I don’t even know why you’re giving Willow a break because Willow’s entitlement and arrogance as the leader at the start of Season 6 is something else. She’s all “You do what I tell you to do. No questions asked.” Yeah, you’re the leader but calm the tude Miss Thing. This is what I mean about her being a stricter General than Buffy and that to have her say “I’m worried about your judgement” in ‘Empty Places’ about the controlling way she leads is Grade A hypocrisy considering how she led them.

You’re worried about HER judgement? Hers? 😑

Okay, maybe Anya does have a point.

Buffy didn’t earn her role as Slayer in the traditional way. But she sacrificed for it when it mattered and therefore she earned it in the long run. She could have just given up and she was tempted to. And absolutely nobody would blame her for succumbing to that temptation. But the fact is that she is still here doing it day by day. The Slayer’s responsibility. And I can’t believe Willow never defended her against Anya in that scene when that is exactly what she said in ‘The Weight Of The World’ when Buffy was punishing herself for even thinking of giving up. She tells her to snap out of it, she tells her to get a grip and be a hero like the supportive best friend she is. Now THAT’S in character for Willow, not this coward act where she’s even afraid to tell Anya off, let alone her girlfriend for the absolute load of shite they’re expelling in saying that Buffy doesn’t deserve to be the leader. Willow knows that SHE IS!

She more than earned it considering she didn’t even want it to begin with. Anya needs to reassess her thoughts a little bit because she’s missing the point.

They all do. They’re scared and they’re in pain. I understand that. And I do think many of them had valid arguments… I understand their point of views too… but they took it way out of proportion in kicking Buffy out of her own fucking house!

As for Buffy. She should trust in her team. They’ve earned it too. That’s my only gripe there. I felt it would have been better if both Buffy and Willow led. Were both General. Commander-in-Chief. Because Anya was right about that. It didn’t have to be Slayers only to lead. I think Willow earned it too. Without a leader, there is no direction, no aim, no trajectory and two heads are better than one.

And I don’t know about anyone else in the comments section but for me, what makes this episode the worst episode for me - why it’s so infuriating to watch - is because team work is not being considered. It’s not about who is wrong or right - which side to take/not take blah blah blah. It’s about understanding and trusting each other as team members. A team leader is still a member. They’re not “above” or “better” than anyone. But the reason why all team members take direction from the team leader is because there must be somebody that takes command or things get out of control very quickly and loss happens as a result. And while you can argue that this happens with the direction of the leader as well - which is true, - you’re still better off being led than being not led because at least something is happening in effort to rule out one option over another for being unviable. You’ll quickly find out that without a leader leading, this doesn’t happen and time and resources/rations are both being wasted as well as running out. They’re in a war. They fully know this. The last thing they should be doing is doing nothing about it and force-relieving their leader who is doing everything they can - albeit not in the best way they could.

[coraniaid]

top five buffy characters?

In order (today, anyway):

Buffy

Willow

Faith

Giles

Anya

Can't really put my thoughts on Buffy Summers better than I did last year. As I said then, she's one of my favorite fictional characters in any medium. I just think she's neat.

Big fan of Willow, too, although a little bit less so than I was when I first watched the show as a teenager. As well as the slight derailing of her arc with the whole magic-addiction stuff in Season 6 and the show struggling to find anything for her to do in Season 7, I think on reflection, despite the whole "occasionally I'm callous and strange" line, the Buffy writers sometimes don't actually realize when they've made Willow do something interesting and a little fucked-up. They're just a bit too sympathetic to her. So we never get the pay-off those moments deserved, and maybe we were never going to, because -- like Willow herself -- the writers simply don't think Willow did anything wrong.

Faith is the other character who is an easy fit into my top three. (Yes, not shocking, I know.) It seems a bit silly to claim that a character who appears in less than one full season's worth of episodes is one of my favorite characters, but ... I guess I'm a bit silly. She's a main character in my heart (and in my fanfiction), even if the show writers never quite realized it.

A bit below those three, but above anyone else, is Rupert Giles. I think Giles is a fascinating character, but -- more than almost anyone else in the fandom -- he tends to get flattened into this role of "Buffy's good dad" which simply doesn't reflect his role in the narrative at all. (I think it's telling that the fandom's big take-away from Helpless is "Giles has a father's love for Buffy, which we know for a fact because an evil British man said it", combined with a general indifference about ... the objectively awful things we literally just saw him do.) But canon!Giles is (mostly) much better than the fandom caricature. He kind of sucks. I like him.

That fifth spot is the tricky one and the one that's most liable to change. I don't think there's any character in the show who is consistently as sympathetic and interesting and multi-layered as those other four. Tara is nice and has a surprisingly deep relationship with Buffy, but doesn't really get much in the way of an arc. Dawn only appears in three seasons (and the writers seem to just run out of ideas for things for her to do in the third of them). While I will defend the importance of Joyce to Buffy forever -- I think Buffy's relationship with her mother is one of the key things that makes her who she is, and I think the show would be far less interesting without Joyce Summers in -- Joyce herself isn't ever given enough to do and basically doesn't exist outside of her relationship with Buffy. Xander is kind of like Giles in some ways - a deliberately flawed image of (a certain kind of) masculinity who cares about Buffy enormously but isn't always able to act accordingly because of his own self-loathing and because he has a slightly idealized image of her in his mind -- but he's also a little less interesting and a lot more irritating (and, like Willow, sometimes the writers just don't seem to realize when he's in the wrong). I think most of the Xander detractors on this site are misreading the text, but I don't really want to be a Xander defender either.

There are a whole host of other minor characters I wish the show had done more with or cared about at all: Amy, Jenny, Drusilla, Oz, Kendra, Robin are some names that come to mind. But the truth is that, as they appear on screen, I just can't pretend they were ever more than cyphers. (Even if Oz appeared in far more episodes than Faith ever did; at least Faith had some sort of agency and was central to most of the episodes she appeared in.)

So, who's left?

I think Anya is badly underused in the show throughout her time on it (she's just almost never taken seriously at all, either by the writing or the characters), her backstory has all the consistency of wet papier-mâché and to be honest I don't like Selfless quite as much as most people either. But, well, at least she's reliably funny, and there's definitely the idea of an intriguing character in there. Her death makes me furious too, more so than any other character on the show. So, almost by process of elimation, there she is.

[tuiyla]

btw, do you already dislike Xander? I'm kinda hoping you're going to start writing rants about how much he sucks lmao, but tbf his worst moments are yet to come. I also hope you'll end up hating another male character that most people love, much to my chagrin.

Alright! No more letting this ask sit. Anon, I hope you're around and doing well because we're finally gonna talk about Xander Harris.

I wanted to answer this at different points during my Buffy journey and now, towards the end of season 5, I have to say that... Xander's fine. I totally get where your hope comes from, my notorious Finn posts and all and though I'll get into aspects of Xander I dislike in a moment, I'm afraid I can't be the manhater you need on this occasion. From what I've seen though he's not that well-loved? In my limited experience anyway. So the Finn Hudson effect doesn't apply in that sense, either.

Where I would be frustrated with Xander in similar ways I am about Finn's ch is that sometimes he is framed in an annoying way. He never gets even just called out for lying to Buffy at the end of season 2 or acting like a major asshole in 3x02. All the Scoobies are coming at Buffy there, sure, but none with such vehemence and in such a self-righteous way. Self-righteous hypocrites really piss me off. Had I answered this at the start of season 3 I probably would have been much harsher on Xander than I'm gonna be now. His Angel hatred was so irrational and not worthy of an "I told you so" upon Angelus' turn and it's irritating how entitled he is to Buffy's decisions. Not to mention, I don't care if him sulking about Buffy's rejection is realistic teen boy behaviour, it's tedious and embarrassing. She made it clear that she was not interested and Xander was such an ass about it. His crush on Buffy was a pain to get through and frankly, I don't think Xander deserved either of the girls he's been with since. Cordelia most definitely not and I think Anya deserves better, too, because she's genuinely devoted whereas it really feels like Xander's with her just because it's convenient for him.

His latest really, really annoying moment was his Riley speech to Buffy but honestly I'm just so glad Riley's gone so I'm gonna swiftly move past that. Whatever, Xander tried helping Buffy and luckily she was too late to act on his advice. What stupid advice, anyway, as if Riley was one in a million. Hon, he was literally the 999,999 in a million.

And I said I wouldn't go hard on the guy, huh? Lmao well that was pretty much the list of my grievances. In general? Xander's... fine. He's not gonna be my favourite Scooby in any scenario, no way, but I think since mid-season 3 he's been a lot more tolerable and even enjoyable on occasion. He does feel sort of useless at times but that's acknowledged and a part of his journey so I appreciate that. I don't fully buy into him being the Heart of the group as that position is something that I hold precious, see Katara in ATLA. And no way Xander can even touch what someone like Katara represents within her group dynamic. But I also see that being the Heart is mostly about courage here, loyalty, and as much as he makes mistakes I gotta give Xander that.

Even in that interpretation I struggle with the guy because a) he does have these icky sexist moments that are just not funny and they're meant to be and b) he's not... that full of heart. I just think pettiness gets in the way too often and, compared to someone like Willow's flaws his are more annoying and in general, more. He's not quite the Nice Guy syndrome because he is general a genuinely good friend to Buffy and the others but I wish he wasn't such a teen boy. Or, if he was, cause ya know they unfortunately do exist, that he was framed just a little more critically. I get that that's too much to ask of Whedon's late 90s feminism but it would make Xander an easier character to vibe with. I mean, I'm guessing there must be a reason I had zero idea about his existence prior to watching the show but had a vague idea of most other Scoobies. I knew so many things about Willow and was aware of chs like Oz, Cordy and Tara, but I was half-expecting Xander to only last a season or two. Because surely, if he was there for the whole show I would have heard people talk about him already.

So, yeah, it might not sound like it because I more so talked about the negatives than positives but I don't hate Xander by any means. He's not frustrating enough to be loathed or ranted about but he's also not nearly engaging enough to be on the level of the other Scoobies. He has his moments, though, and more often than not I find myself enjoying Xander-centric episodes. Soooo... is that anything? I hope I don't disappoint but now that I'm at the end of season 5 maybe you can share more about your Xander thoughts, I'd be happy to listen.

[empressawesomecoolness]

Doctor Who: The Ultimate Speedrun Marathon - Series 3 (2007)

The semester’s keeping me busy but trust me I’m still trying to keep this speedrun going and get caught up on everything before May, so I’m glad to say I finally finished Series 3 yaaaaayyy! It was a lot of fun, especially in how it carried over from Series 2 into 10’s adventures with a new companion after Rose. Aight let’s get into it…

General Thoughts

Right off the bat, I loved Martha as a companion. Similar to Sylvester McCoy, I was familiar with Freema Agyeman from her stellar work on Sense8, so I was already a fan of her’s as soon as she popped up on screen. She’s got her own brand of intelligence and spunk that bounces off of 10 really well. Don’t get me wrong, I love that Rose was carried over from Eccleston’s tenure into Tennant’s, but I believe that Martha meeting 10 as he is for the first time in this series was beneficial to them building a better chemistry. Also, it’s great and refreshing to see the Doctor get his first black female companion in the show’s history. Overall, probably one of my fav companions so far, if not my favorite.

Not much to add in regards to David Tennant’s performance as the 10th Doctor, but I’ll heap praise anyways. He’s just as charismatic as he was last season, never phoning it in for even a second. All of 10’s big emotional and personality quirks can really be chalked up to Tennant’s clear love of the material, which was also apparent in the previous two Doctor actors I’ve covered thus far.

Besides the Doctor and Martha, Series 3 also had a really big moment that I was pleasantly surprised to see be built up so well: the return of The Master. Last time I saw that character in this speedrun watch-through, he was ‘90s Eric Roberts doing his best impression of an effeminate man. I was wondering how he’d inevitably return after his fate in the TV movie, so I genuinely felt the rug pulled out from under me when he was revealed to have been hiding right under my nose as Professor Yana in Utopia. Derek Jacobi played both the unassuming professor and the menacing Master really well, so props to him. As for his almost immediate successor, John Simm as the 7th Master, I must admit…. not really my thing. I will admit he had some great moments that made me truly hate him (which in turn made me like him more cuz well y’know he’s the villain duhh), but the over the top flamboyance just gave me major BBC Sherlock Moriarty vibes. idk, again I still haven’t seen the classic series in its entirety yet, so maybe that’s just how the Master is, but I’m inclined to believe Stephen Moffat is the common denominator in this specific characterization. Despite my criticisms tho, Simm’s chemistry with Tennant was really fun. Much more dynamic than the complete diva Paul McGann had to act off of.

Favorite Episodes

• Blink

• The Shakespeare Code

• The Lazarus Experiment

• Human Nature

• The Family of Blood

• Daleks in Manhattan

• Evolution of the Daleks

• Utopia

Favorite Moments

• The entirety of Blink was a really clever well done treat for me. It felt a lot like an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it just played with Doctor Who’s version of time travel so well and to such great effect. The Weeping Angels are now some of the Doctor’s most iconic foes, which is well deserved because they are super memorable and scary as fuck. Also it was funny to see baby Carey Mulligan here lol

• The moment Professor Yana reveals himself to be The Master was so crazy cool. Like just a few seconds earlier when he started acting weird and jaded I was thinking “holy shit is he the Master he’s gotta be the Master” and I was right 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

• I appreciate that Martha mentions how William Shakespeare doesn’t look exactly like he does in the famous portraits we have of him. It’s still kind of a topic of speculation as to what exactly he looked like in his youth, so I liked that she’d pick up on that.

• “Come on. We can all have a good flirt later!” “Is that a promise, Doctor?” “Oh, 57 academics just punched the air.” I love this show

• They should induct Blink into the National Film Registry for preservation just for the introduction of the phrase “wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff” alone

• Captain Jack Harkness (great to see him back btw) is THE FACE OF BOE????????????????? not sure how to feel about that. points for creativity tho

• tryna just chill and watch The Lazarus Experiment then BOOM!!!!! MARK GATIS JUMPSCARE AHHHHHHHHH

• The sound of a militaristic drumbeat constantly playing in the Master’s head is a great motif. One of the things I did like about Simm’s portrayal was how well he got across the maddening effect of the drumbeat’s sound in his head.

• The series finale was soooo crazy. I loved how the consequences of the Master’s plan were shown to have been so hard to crack that it took a whole year for them to even get close to him. It really built up the Master as a new kind of villain for this revamped version of the show. Also, fucking good on Martha for busting her ass to travel the globe and gather the support of millions. She’s such a badass

• “Good old J.K.!” *thousand yard stare*

Alright, that about wraps it up for Series 3! I had a great time with this series, even if it took me a bit to get through. Time to crack on, though. Gotta keep this speedrun train going. Onto Series 4, which (for the most part) marks David Tennant’s final tenure as the 10th Doctor.

[wikiangela]

so, I really liked season 6 - here's some general thoughts and opinions

I mean, I hated what happened to Tara and I don't think I'll ever get over it, she was my fave - I literally took like a month break from watching after 6x19 because I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Tara

but it was a really good season (not close to how amazing s5 was but still great l)

I loved Buffy dealing with being back, though her relationship with Spike was getting annoying tbh 😂 at first I felt bad for Spike with how Buffy was playing with him all the time, up until that bathroom scene tbh

also, tbh in 6x22 I couldn't care less about Spike's side of the episode but omg he got his soul back?? I'm really curious about what's gonna happen now ngl 👀

Willow and Tara were my fave part of this season, loved how they portrayed Willow struggling with her addiction to magic etc - and, again, how could they take Tara away from us 😭💔

I was so here for Dark Willow, I was 💯 rooting for her (tho I probably was supposed to be against her but fuck it, I wanted revenge too) 😂😂 the show could've ended here with Willow actually destroying the world and I'd still be with her, what even is the point without Tara 😭

I think I'm starting to like Anya a bit more (she's still annoying tho) and I like that she's a vengeance demon again

and I definitely dislike Xander now, for many reasons that I ready expressed in other posts I think 😂 he's just so infuriating, and at this point I'm pretty sure part of my dislike must be the actor, because I saw him in criminal minds too and I'm annoyed every second he's on screen (it's never for long but I hope he stops showing up altogether soon lol - I'm on s7 there too 😂) I genuinely wish Willow eneded up killing Xander at the end there lol

and omg I was SO sick of Anya and Xander's relationship and of hearing about the wedding and don't get me started on how Xander just left her at the altar, and how he handled all that (I have a whole other post about it, not gonna get into it again)

I love that Giles didn't die, I genuinely got worried there for a second, but I'm so happy he didn't 😂 missed him when he wasn't there tbh (tho that laughing scene with Buffy was a bit weird and went on for way too long 😂)

the trio weren't the best villains but also not the worst, they were more competent than I initially gave them credit for and Warren was seriously gross and evil and got what he deserved haha

also, I saw that so many people love the musical episode and it's the top rated eps on imdb, but I lowkey hated it - not the worst episode of the series but definitely far from fave 😂 the worst episode of the season was definitely 6x15 - as you were - with fucking Riley back 🤢 god I hated that one so much, almost as much as beer bad (the actual worst episode of the series so far imo) 😂😂

the finale was insane and I loved it - tho that scene with Willow and Xander was kinda meh and lowkey anticlimactic? idk I was underwhelmed 😂😂 him just repeating 'I love you' was too cheesy even for me tbh, and because I don't like Xander, I probably liked it less than I normally would've anyway 😂 (so it might be just my bias, I admit haha)

tho tbh I also wish we got more of Dark Willow than just, what was it, three episodes? would've been even better haha

but overall, it was a good season, tho I'm never gonna forgive them for killing off Tara - despite that, I did enjoy it a lot and can't wait to start s7 soon 😁

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I can't stop thinking of this one Buffy comic "Bad Blood" for two reasons...

So, Buffy is essentially cloned (to some less than stellar affects, in some ways) by the Big Bad in it. And the clone knocks her out in a sewer and takes her place for a little bit. And at first, her friends don't realize the clone isn't her. Anyway, Snyder is forcing the Scoobies to put together a float for a Sunnydale parade and they haven't come up with an idea for a theme for it yet. They ask the Buffy clone if she has any ideas. And looking at the shirt that Willow's wearing that has a clown on it, she comes up with a clown theme. Not having any better ideas, the Scoobies decide to go ahead with that--much to Xander and Cordelia's horror.

Some time has passed--and at this point, everyone has realized that the clone isn't Buffy, but Buffy is still missing--and the Scoobies are at the parade on their float, all dressed up as clowns because they have to be via Snyder's orders, of course. But they've sort of roped Angel into being a replacement clown for Buffy until they can find her? And he's not dressed up or anything (as if he would ever do that). And I doubt he's acting for them at all, either... But now a part of me is trying to wonder what that might look like, if he remotely tried to be clown-like at all. Pfft.

The second thing I can't stop thinking about with this comic: the clones (there are actually two of them: one of them being more successful than the other. Though the more successful one is Buffy's enemy, and wants to take over her life, while the unsuccessful one was thrown away by her creators like yesterday's garbage--they tried to kill her--and she's actually the one who saved Buffy from the clone and wants to help her see her creators burn). This is, perhaps, a silly thought since is just a tie-in-comic, so of course none of this could really go anywhere... But I kind of wish more had been done with them. Like, this might be my inner-Kingdom Hearts fan talking (who believes because of that series that any clone of a character who experiences anything different from the person they once were becomes their own person, and thus then deserves to live), but I wonder if Buffy later might have wished that things could have gone differently with them. Like, that they could have lived as their own people. Perhaps they could have been introduced to the world as her long-lost triplets or something, as a cover story. I feel like a Buffy who later accepted Dawn, I mean, who was also created from her, could have felt this way.

And that whole thing makes me think of something that happened in season 9, too: For some dumb reason (that I do kind of get and could explain, but I feel it might make this even longer than it needs to be if I do. Though if anyone does want me to explain why this happened, just let me know), to try and protect Buffy, Andrew puts her consciousness into a robot. And at first, Buffy isn't even aware that she's been put into a robot. But the body she's left behind actually begins to grow its own awareness. And when it becomes clear that Buffy's going to take her body back, the two of them fight (Buffy in the robot and her body, that is)--because Buffy's body doesn't think this it's fair (she's somewhat being manipulated by an outside force to do that, though). Eventually, the two of them make amends and Buffy's body thinks it's only right that Buffy's consciousness/the real her comes back to her.

But I don't know... I wonder if it's possible Buffy could end up regretting that action eventually, too, and wondering if the body/new consciousness apart from her could have become her own person, as well. -shrugs-