#but I just feel like so much has been lost over the years so
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I have a whole meta thing I’m trying to write that’s basically this. It’s entirely consistent with her character journey.
She ends up in the shit to begin with because she frees a ship of slaves, already setting her apart as someone different, who cares about morals, and then yeah, as OP mentioned, had everything go to shit in spectacular fashion over a stolen artifact. Not to mention her friends are, in some versions (for hawke, p sure fenris always gets mad) sitting there going “Isabela, you did what? Not cool.” She even seems like she feels bad, iirc, she just doesn’t know what to do without screwing herself.
It’s been around 11-12 years since the end of DA2, so it’s been 20-25 years since she made that mistake and she spent like 8-10 years dealing with the fallout of it. If she ran, she probably dealt with it for even longer and lost her friends.
20-something years is PLENTY of time to learn and grow and change. It would be patently insane for her not to grow, especially since she was fairly ethical for a pirate to begin with. (Remember, being a proud slut has nothing to do with ethics!) I’d argue it would be bad writing if she’d learned nothing from DA2.
Also, she’s still being paid. It’s not like she’s doing it out of the good of her heart. This way, she can properly appraise and get a fair price for things, not get attacked for taking something that’s really going to piss someone off, and still gets paid.
Finally, the Lords of Fortune *have * to adhere to a more ethical code, since Rook can have that background. It says as much in the background summary. Otherwise the game doesn’t work; do you really think Varric is going to work with Isabella OR her underling if he thought he was risking a Kirkwall 2.0?
I’ll write this better and in my own post with sources later when I have time and energy, but I have neither right now, so apologies if I am misremembering some detail of canon
on the one hand, i both understand and somewhat agree with the criticism that the lords of fortune were defanged of the more problematic elements that accompany treasure hunting and piracy, but on the other hand the idea that isabela reformed her raiders into a group that checks how important a plundered item is culturally before doing anything with it specifically because the last time isabela did NOT do this it resulted in An Actual Violent Coup That Almost Destroyed Kirkwall And Got The Viscount Literally Murdered is so fucking funny that i'm just like "yeah, fair enough"
#it’s a holiday and I’m being misgendered within an inch of my life while dehydrated and jet lagged#so I’m not doing my best work#datv spoilers#Isabela tag
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CHAPTER FIFTEEN ━━ Future In Our Hands
☆ ━ pairing: hopkins!paige x oc (dani callan)
☆ ━ word count: 6.3K
☆ ━ warnings: sexual content (fingering—p giving, morning sex)
☆ ━ links: my masterlist, take me to church masterlist
☆ ━ author’s note: well… that’s it. my first baby all grown up. i actually cannot believe it’s over yall, genuinely. i love all of you so much, i love dani so much, i love dani and paige so much—like how’re we supposed to say goodbye…. anyways thank you all for your support on this fic, take me to church will always, always have a special place in my heart. ALSO! i’m planing to write an epilogue, so i want you guys to send in some ideas of what you might wanna see in that!! i love you all so much, onto the next 🫡
JUST LIKE DANI thought they’d be, things are different now—but also so much better. After leaving her father’s house, she stayed with the Bueckers for a few weeks. They were kind, welcoming, and unwaveringly supportive, but Dani knew it couldn’t last forever. Paige’s family has their own lives, and—no matter how much they told her she wasn’t—Dani didn’t want to intrude. So when her Aunt Julia offered her a place, Dani accepted, moving into her aunt’s modest apartment just outside the city.
It’s been over a month now, and things are good—really good. Julia and Dani have grown close, almost like they’re making up for lost time. Dani feels lighter in this space, unburdened by judgment or fear. And then there’s Grey, Julia’s son. The baby has taken to Dani in a way that’s mutual and immediate; his face lights up every time she walks into the room, and Dani finds herself softening in his presence in ways she never thought possible. For the first time in years, she feels like she belongs somewhere.
The alarm on Dani’s phone blares, slicing through the comfortable silence of her new bedroom. She groans, reaching blindly to shut it off, and Paige groans along with her. Dani’s hand finds the phone, and she presses the button with more force than necessary, silencing the obnoxious buzz. The room goes quiet again, but it doesn’t last long.
Behind her, Paige stirs, nuzzling closer until her face is buried against Dani’s neck. Her arms tighten around Dani’s waist, one hand slipping beneath the hem of Dani’s sweatshirt to rest warm and solid against her bare stomach.
Dani lets out a breath, feeling Paige’s slow, steady breathing against her skin. “We gotta get up,” she murmurs, though the words lack any real urgency.
Paige responds by shaking her head, her voice muffled. “Noooo. Just a few more minutes.”
Dani huffs out a quiet laugh, the corners of her mouth lifting despite herself. “P…”
But before she can say more, Paige groans dramatically and shifts her weight, rolling fully on top of Dani. She’s warm, all long limbs and lazy strength, her hands sliding up Dani’s sides as she tucks her face against Dani’s neck again. Her lips brush against the sensitive skin there, leaving soft, barely-there kisses that make Dani’s heart stumble in her chest.
Dani sighs, her hands coming up to rest on Paige’s hips. “Paige, we’re graduating in a couple hours.”
Paige makes a noise somewhere between a groan and a sigh, finally lifting her head to look down at Dani. Her hair is a mess, her eyes half-lidded with sleep, but she’s smiling in that lopsided way that always makes Dani’s stomach flip.
“What time is it?” Paige asks, her voice scratchy and low.
“9:30,” Dani says, trying to keep her tone firm.
Paige scoffs. “We ain’t gotta be there ‘til 11:30. We got time.”
Before Dani can respond, Paige leans down, her lips brushing against Dani’s in a kiss that’s soft and lingering at first. Dani melts into it instinctively, her hands sliding up Paige’s back, but it doesn’t stay soft for long.
The kiss deepens, shedding its softness in favor of something needier, hungrier. Dani feels Paige’s weight pressing down on her, grounding her in the moment, the exhaustion they’d both been clinging to dissipating like mist under the heat building between them. Paige tilts her head to angle the kiss just right, her lips sliding against Dani’s with purpose. There’s nothing rushed about it, but there’s an urgency to the way Paige grips Dani’s waist, her fingers splaying against bare skin like she’s memorizing the shape of her.
And then Paige shifts her hips just so, grinding down in a way that steals the breath from Dani’s lungs. Dani gasps against Paige’s lips, her fingers digging into Paige’s shoulders, and she feels rather than hears the soft hum of satisfaction Paige makes in response.
It’s just enough to spark something deep inside her, enough for her body to react instinctively. Dani’s hips buck up to meet Paige’s, the friction making her head spin, and before she knows it, her arms are around Paige’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer. Paige adjusts, settling fully between Dani’s legs, her weight a warm and steady pressure that has Dani’s pulse thrumming wildly.
The hand Paige had been using to grip Dani’s waist slides up, her palm skimming the curve of Dani’s side and brushing just under the swell of her chest. It’s light, barely there, but it sends a shiver coursing through Dani all the same. Paige feels it—of course she does—and her lips curl into a smirk against Dani’s mouth before she dips her head to trail kisses along Dani’s jaw, her breath hot against sensitive skin.
“P…” Dani breathes, her voice shaky.
Paige doesn’t stop, doesn’t even slow down. Her lips press against the spot just below Dani’s ear, lingering long enough to make Dani squirm beneath her. “Hmm?” Paige hums, her tone teasing, almost lazy, like she knows exactly what she’s doing to Dani.
“Paige,” Dani tries again, her hands sliding up to bury themselves in Paige’s messy blonde hair. She tugs lightly, just enough to make Paige lift her head and meet her gaze. Paige’s eyes are heavy-lidded, her pupils blown wide, and the sight sends another jolt of heat through Dani.
“We’re—” Dani swallows hard, trying to focus, but it’s almost impossible with Paige looking at her like that, with Paige’s hand still skimming her side, her hips still pressed so perfectly against Dani’s. “We’re gonna be late,” she manages, though it comes out far weaker than she intended.
Paige grins, the kind of grin that’s all mischief and affection rolled into one. “We got time,” she says, her voice low and certain. And then she’s insistently reconnecting their mouths, lips sliding together perfectly, teeth clashing just slightly. Dani’s eyes flutter shut as she continues kissing the blonde, feeling Paige’s hands begin to trail downward. They slide along Dani’s stomach, tracing slow circles on her skin, almost teasing. It makes Dani squirm a little until Paige’s fingers brush along the waistband of the pair of Paige’s basketball shorts Dani wore to bed.
Without Paige even asking anything, Dani’s nodding against her, hips shifting. They’re on a time crunch, so if they’re gonna do this, they gotta do it fast. Paige grins against Dani’s lips—probably at her eagerness—before sliding her fingers under the shorts and Dani’s panties in one go.
Dani gasps just slightly as Paige’s fingers reach for her clit, the blonde humming against her lips as she begins to circle the bud. Paige’s mouth disconnects from Dani’s, her lips skimming over her jawline and along her neck. “Mmm,” she hums against Dani’s ear. “So wet, Dan.”
Dani feels her cheeks heat at the words, heat flushing through her face down to her core. She whimpers a little at Paige’s slow circling of her clit, bucking her hips enough to let her know she needs more. Paige understands immediately, and then two of her fingers are sliding inside Dani, the slickness of her making the motion almost effortless. The sound that follows is, indeed, sinful—the obscene wet noises filling the otherwise quiet room, making Dani’s stomach tighten with a renewed wave of arousal.
Paige groans a little, pulling back from Dani’s neck. She grabs at the brunette’s shorts with her free hand, pushing them down so she can see her fingers working, eyes locking onto her digits moving in and out of Dani’s cunt and the way Dani’s body arches up into her. Dani watches Paige watch, catching the blonde bite her lip, eyes almost glazing over as her fingers slide inside Dani.
It makes Dani whimper, her hips instinctively pushing back against Paige’s fingers. “Mmph… please…” she mumbles, not really sure what she’s begging for, but the need in her tone seems to spur Paige on.
Paige responds immediately, thrusting her fingers deeper, curling them just enough to hit that spongy spot inside Dani that makes her gasp loudly. Dani feels Paige’s free hand move back up her body, under her sweatshirt to squeeze at her breast, thumb brushing over her nipple. Paige’s lips find Dani’s neck again, too, biting down lightly before sucking a mark into her skin.
Dani cries out a little at the sensation, her body trembling as the pleasure begins to overwhelm her. “God, P,” she moans, voice ragged.
She feels Paige grin against her neck once more, her fingers moving faster now, her thumb rubbing slow, deliberate circles back on her clit. “Like that?” Paige whispers, breath hot against Dani’s skin.
Dani just nods, her breath hitching as she struggles to respond. “Yeah,” she finally manages to gasp out, her hips moving in time with Paige’s fingers. “Just like that.”
Dani bites down onto her lip hard, probably enough to draw blood, keeping herself in check because she has absolutely no interest in her aunt hearing her moan Paige’s name. Paige’s fingers are just relentless as they thrust in and out, the wet sounds between them growing louder and more obscene with every second. Dani feels Paige moan against her neck and that, along with the curling of Paige’s fingers, has Dani’s brows furrowing together, eyes scrunching closed, her whole body tightening.
“’M close,” Dani whimpers breathlessly, her voice barely above a whisper as her nails dig into Paige’s back.
Dani feels Paige’s fingers press even harder at her words, scissoring inside her, angling them just right. “Come on, Dan,” Paige encourages. “Wanna feel it.”
That‘a all it seems to take. With a muffled moan, Dani’s body goes taut, her muscles contracting around Paige’s fingers as she cums hard, her hips bucking as waves of pleasure crash over her. Paige holds her tightly, her fingers slowing just enough to guide Dani through her orgasm, her lips still pressing gentle kisses to her neck.
“Fuck,” Dani gasps, her body finally going limp as she collapses back against the mattress, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she tries to catch her breath.
Paige smirks down at her, slipping her fingers out. Paige presses a gentle kiss to Dani’s jaw, then her lips, then her nose, then the spot between her eyebrows before pulling back so she’s eye-to-eye with the girl. “Now it’s time to get up,” she says, cheesing.
Dani rolls her eyes, slapping at Paige’s arm lightly. “Shut up.”
THE FINAL APPLAUSE feels like it echoes forever, reverberating around the crowded football field. Dani sits there in the plastic chair, the edges of the graduation gown stiff against her arms, her cap threatening to slip off her head. She doesn’t move. Around her, classmates are already standing, hugging, and tossing their caps into the air, but Dani feels rooted in place.
It’s over.
Her childhood—whatever was left of it—has officially ended.
That’s the only thought looping in her head. The years she spent on cramped bleachers, in loud cafeterias, on basketball courts that smelled like old wood and sweat—all of it is behind her now. Her chest feels heavy with something she can’t quite name. Relief? Sadness? Fear? She shakes it off and stands, taking a deep breath that doesn’t fill her lungs the way she wants it to.
When the crowd begins to disperse, she finally spots Paige a few rows over, standing tall and blonde and unmistakable in her blue gown. Thaliah is next to her, smirking as she bats Paige’s hands away from the crooked cap on her head. Dani weaves through the sea of gowns, her own steps feeling distant and mechanical. But when she reaches them, her grin comes naturally.
“Look at us,” Thaliah says, throwing her arms around both Dani and Paige, drawing them into a three-person hug. Her grin is wide. “All grown up!”
Dani chuckles, pulling back just enough to breathe. “Finally free,” she agrees, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face.
Thaliah rolls her eyes. “Yeah, free to do what? Work? Be an adult? Ugh.”
Dani doesn’t answer because her eyes are drawn to Paige, who’s blinking quickly, her lashes wet. Dani’s smile softens as she takes in the way Paige’s lower lip wobbles just slightly before she sucks it between her teeth.
“Aww, babe,” Dani says, her voice teasing but fond. She steps closer, brushing her thumb under Paige’s eye to catch a tear before it can fall.
“I’m not crying,” Paige says immediately, sniffing and straightening her shoulders like she can will the emotion away.
“You’re totally crying,” Thaliah chimes in, her grin wicked. “Somebody get a camera!”
Paige narrows her eyes. “I ain’t crying!”
“You are,” Dani teases, her hand lingering against Paige’s cheek before letting it fall back to her side.
“Shut up,” Paige mutters, but the corner of her mouth betrays her with a twitch of a smile.
The three of them laugh then, the kind of laughter that feels bigger than the moment. It’s a release, a shared acknowledgment of everything they’ve been through together and everything that’s ahead of them. Dani lets it wash over her, lets herself feel the warmth of it as they shuffle out into the packed hallway.
The noise is overwhelming, a cacophony of voices and camera flashes and the occasional squeal from someone who’s just spotted their family. Dani’s chest tightens briefly, but she shakes it off. This is supposed to be a happy day. She forces herself to focus on the here and now.
“Alright, I’m off,” Thaliah announces, clapping them both on the shoulder. “If I don’t get to my mom soon, she’s gonna start yelling my full name in front of everyone, and we can’t have that.” She gives the pair one last grin before disappearing through the crowd.
Paige stays close as they navigate through the throng of people, her hand brushing Dani’s back as they walk. Dani can feel the slight tremor in Paige’s energy, the kind that only comes when Paige is overwhelmed, but she doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she nudges Paige gently with her elbow, and Paige gives her a grateful smile.
They find Paige’s family first. Her mom is the first person Dani notices, standing near the bleachers with a wide smile and arms open. Lauren, Ryan, and Drew are bouncing on their toes, waving furiously when they spot Paige. Bob is chatting animatedly with Paige’s grandparents, and her aunt is juggling a camera and a gift bag with tissue paper spilling out the top.
“Paige!” Lauren squeals, launching herself at her older sister the second she’s within reach. Paige laughs, catching her and spinning her around before setting her down. Ryan and Drew both aren’t far behind, wrapping their arms around Paige’s waist and clinging like a little koalas.
Dani watches it all unfold, a small smile tugging at her lips. It’s a lot, seeing all of them there, so many people who love Paige and want to celebrate her. A small pang settles in her chest, but she pushes it aside quickly.
She doesn’t have to look far for her own family. Julia is standing just a few feet away, holding baby Grey on her hip, her smile soft and full of pride. Dani’s grandparents are beside her, their expressions warm and welcoming. It’s quieter, simpler, but no less meaningful.
Julia’s arms are open before Dani even realizes she’s moving, and she steps into the hug, letting herself sink into the familiarity of it. “I’m so proud of you, Dani,” Julia whispers into her ear, her voice thick with emotion.
The words hit harder than Dani expects, her throat tightening as she blinks rapidly, willing herself not to cry. She pulls back after a moment, forcing a smile as she meets Julia’s gaze. “Thanks,” she says, her voice a little hoarse.
Grey babbles something unintelligible, reaching for Dani with chubby hands, and she can’t help but laugh as she takes him into her arms. “Hey, buddy,” she murmurs, bouncing him slightly. He giggles, his tiny hands grabbing at the tassel on her cap.
Her grandparents step forward next, wrapping her in hugs that smell like lavender and old books, murmuring their congratulations with quiet pride. Dani’s smile feels a little steadier now, a little more natural.
It’s not perfect. It’s not what she used to imagine this day would look like. There’s an emptiness where her parents should be, a hollow ache she tries not to focus on. But looking at Julia’s warm smile, Grey’s wide eyes, and her grandparents’ unwavering support, she decides it’s enough.
“Hey, kiddo.”
Dani turns to find Bob, Paige’s dad, leaning in for a hug. His grin is kind and effortless, the kind that makes Dani feel seen, like she belongs. She melts into the embrace, letting him clap her on the back as she smiles against his shoulder.
“Look at you!” he exclaims as they pull back. “High school graduate. You’ve done good, Dan.”
Her grin widens. Bob’s probably the closest thing she has to a dad these days, and she’s grateful for how steady he’s always been, how he’s never made her feel out of place. “Thanks, Bob.”
Before she can say more, Amy swoops in, wrapping Dani in a tight hug that smells like fresh laundry and perfume. “Aw, Dani, all grown up!” Amy squeals, pulling back to hold Dani by the shoulders and give her a good once-over. “You’re gonna make me cry.”
Dani laughs, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Please don’t cry, Amy. Paige’ll never let me hear the end of it.”
Amy laughs, her hands squeezing Dani’s shoulders briefly before she lets go. “No promises.”
Dani makes her way down the line, crouching slightly to hug Paige’s little siblings. Lauren and Ryan and Drew all beam at her, their arms wrapping around her tightly. Drew leans into her side, his small voice eager as he says, “You’re coming to the cookout after, right?”
“Of course,” Dani says, ruffling his hair before pulling Lauren in for a quick squeeze. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
When she stands, she feels a hand slide into hers, warm and familiar. Paige is there, her blue eyes soft as she looks at Dani, squeezing her hand gently. “Okay,” Amy says suddenly, clapping her hands together like she’s directing a photoshoot. “I need pictures!”
Paige groans, loud and exaggerated, her head tilting back like this is the most torturous request in the world. “Mom, come on—”
“No complaints!” Amy cuts her off, already holding up her phone. “This is a big day! Paige, Dani, come on.”
Paige rolls her eyes but grins as she tugs Dani closer by the hand. Dani follows easily, letting Paige guide her until they’re standing shoulder to shoulder. Paige’s arm wraps around her waist, her hand resting lightly on Dani’s hip, and Dani lets her own hand settle comfortably against Paige’s back. They tilt their heads together instinctively, their smiles wide and natural as the first flash goes off.
One photo turns into three, then four, and Dani quickly loses track of how many cameras are aimed at them. Both of Paige’s parents are taking pictures, as are their grandparents, Julia, and Paige’s aunt. It feels like every angle is covered, and Dani doesn’t even know where to look at this point.
“Oh, wait, wait!” Julia exclaims suddenly, waving her free hand while balancing Grey on her hip. “Take one showing the caps!”
Dani and Paige both blink at her, confused for a moment before they realize what she means. “Oh!” Paige says, reaching up to tug her cap off. “Yeah, yeah.”
Dani does the same, pulling her cap off and holding it in her hands. When she glances over at Paige, she can’t help but laugh. “Ooh, cap head,” she teases, nodding toward Paige’s hair, which is flattened awkwardly where the cap had been.
Paige narrows her eyes at her, a mock glare that doesn’t last long. “Fix it.”
“Please,” Dani corrects, smirking as she leans in to do just that—fix the mess. Her fingers comb through the strands of blonde until Paige’s hair looks normal again. Paige huffs but doesn’t pull away, her lips twitching upward in the smallest smile.
When Dani’s satisfied, she steps back, only to feel Paige’s hand brushing against her own hair. “Hang on,” Paige mutters, her fingers quick and sure as they smooth out Dani’s own cap-induced disaster.
Once they’ve both deemed each other photo-ready, they angle their caps toward the cameras, holding them up so the bedazzled designs are clearly visible. UConn logos sparkle under the sun, the rhinestones they painstakingly glued on last night catching every flash.
“Go Huskies!” Amy cheers from behind the phone, her voice bright with pride as the camera clicks again.
Dani feels her grin stretch impossibly wider. In that moment, she forgets about the ache in her chest, the absence of her parents, the uncertainty of the future. All she feels is this—Paige’s arm warm around her waist, their friends and family laughing and cheering, and the glimmer of the UConn logos they’ll carry with them into the next chapter of their lives.
THE NIGHT feels heavy in the best way—cool air brushing against Paige’s skin, her hoodie soft against her arms, and the low hum of cicadas filling the spaces between quiet laughter. It’s dark now, the kind of dark that stretches across the park like a blanket, broken only by the dim glow of the streetlamp by the parking lot and the stars above. The four of them—Paige, Dani, Thaliah, and Jalen—are settled into their usual spots at the park they’ve claimed since what feels like forever. The basketball court has cracks they know like the backs of their hands, the picnic table has their initials carved into the wood, and everything about it feels like home.
Paige leans against the basketball hoop, dribbling lazily as Jalen sets up for a halfhearted shot. He misses—terribly—and Paige laughs, grabbing the rebound and tossing the ball back to him. “Bro,” she teases, “you might need to rethink that NBA dream.”
Jalen points at her, mock offended. “You laugh now, but when I’m in the league, you’re not getting courtside tickets.”
“Good,” Paige fires back with a grin. “I’ll be too busy winning nattys at UConn anyway.”
The words feel easy, automatic, but they carry a weight she’s only just starting to realize. UConn. Storrs. It’s been this abstract, glittering thing for so long, but now it’s real—a fresh start, a new chapter. Summer sessions start in just a couple weeks. Basketball in the basketball capital of the world. And Dani. Dani will be there too.
She glances toward the picnic table, where Dani’s sitting shoulder to shoulder with Thaliah, both of them half-focused on Thaliah’s phone. Milkshakes sit abandoned on the table, sweating in the humid air, and Dani’s curled hair falls into her face as she leans closer to the screen. Paige watches her for a moment, her grin softening into something quieter.
“Aye,” Jalen says, nudging Paige with his elbow and smirking a little. “You good?”
“Hm?” Paige blinks, startled out of her thoughts. “Yeah, I’m good.” She spins the basketball once, catching it easily. “Just thinking about how much better I am than you.”
Jalen groans. “Aight, thin ice, Bueckers.”
Paige laughs, tossing the ball his way before walking toward the table, her curiosity piqued by whatever has Dani and Thaliah so engrossed. She hops up onto the bench beside Dani, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the table. “What’s so fascinating?”
Thaliah glances up briefly, holding her phone out so Paige can see. “My roommate at UCLA,” she says, scrolling through an Instagram profile of a girl with tanned skin and lots of beach photos. “She’s already from Cali, so.”
“Hmm,” Paige hums, tilting her head as she studies the photos. “She seems chill.”
“I think so too,” Dani agrees.
Thaliah nods. “Yeah, she’s nice. We’ve been texting. She’s into film, which gives us somethin’ in common, and she’s already invited me to a festival this fall. I think we’re gonna get along.”
Paige nods at the words before watching Dani groan dramatically, leaning her head against Thaliah’s shoulder. “I still can’t believe you’re gonna be in sunny LA while I’m stuck in Storrs with this creature.” She gestures lazily in Paige’s direction without looking up.
“Aye!” Paige exclaims, feigning offense. She ruffles Dani’s curls lightly, earning an indignant squawk. “Watch that mouth.”
Dani swats at Paige’s hand but grins, leaning back in her seat, humming, “Mhm.”
Paige smirks. “It’ll be fun, you know it.”
“Debatable,” Dani shoots back, but there’s a warmth in her tone that makes Paige’s chest feel strangely tight.
Jalen finally joins them, the basketball tucked under one arm. He stands behind them, leaning over to try and get a glimpse. “What’re we looking at?”
“My future roomie,” Thaliah says, holding up her phone again.
Jalen squints at the screen, then nods approvingly. “Damn. She fine.”
Dani bursts out laughing, nearly spilling her milkshake as Thaliah groans and mutters something about boys being predictable. Paige just shakes her head, leaning back on the bench and letting the easy rhythm of their banter wash over her. It’s moments like this, she thinks, that she’s going to miss most.
But then Dani’s hand brushes against hers, her fingers curling briefly around Paige’s, and she thinks maybe she doesn’t have to miss it. Not really. Not when Dani’s right here, and when tomorrow, and every day after, will start with both of them heading toward the same place. Together.
Jalen’s phone buzzes on the bench, the screen lighting up with a notification. Paige notices it before he does and glances over, catching the slight furrow in his brow as he picks it up and reads the message. “Ah, man,” he says, standing and shoving the phone into his pocket. “My mom’s tellin’ me to get home. Graduation tomorrow and all.”
Thaliah stretches, groaning a little as she stands. “Guess I’m out too, then. He’s my ride.”
Paige frowns, tilting her head at them. “Wow, ditching us already?”
Thaliah smirks as she grabs her jacket. “Hey, not all of us can be completely irresponsible. Some of us have families that enforce things like curfews and sleep schedules.”
“Lame,” Paige teases, but she stands to hug Jalen, patting him on the back. “Congrats ahead of time, though. Have fun tomorrow.”
Jalen grins, hugging her back.
Thaliah waves as they head toward the parking lot, leaving Paige and Dani alone on the weathered wooden bench. The night feels quieter now, though not uncomfortable—just different. The cicadas hum in the trees, and the faint smell of grass and pavement lingers in the air. Paige lets herself enjoy the moment for a second, her gaze drifting over to Dani.
Dani sits quietly, staring out at the court, her expression unreadable. It’s the kind of stillness Dani falls into sometimes, where Paige knows she’s in her head about something but won’t say what.
Paige stands, grabbing the basketball from beside her and turning it over in her hands. The weight of it feels familiar and grounding. “Play with me?”
Dani turns to look at her, eyebrows raised. “What?”
“Play with me,” Paige repeats, her tone lighter, teasing. She bounces the ball once against the ground for emphasis.
Dani snorts. “You can’t be serious.”
“Dead serious.” Paige grins, holding the ball against her hip.
“Uh-uh,” Dani protests, shaking her head. “We both know how that’ll end.”
“And?” Paige arches a brow.
Dani doesn’t move, her expression skeptical. Paige rolls her eyes, stepping closer and grabbing Dani’s hand, tugging her to her feet. Dani resists for about half a second before giving in with an exasperated sigh.
“You’re annoying, you know that?” Dani mutters.
“Yep.” Paige leads her toward the court, the basketball bouncing lightly in her other hand.
Once they’re on the court, Paige dribbles a couple of times before passing the ball to Dani. “1v1,” she says, her voice challenging.
Dani catches the ball awkwardly, holding it for a moment as she stares at Paige. “This is stupid,” she says, but there’s a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth now. “We both know who’s gonna win.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Paige replies, dropping into a defensive stance. “C’mon. Play.”
With a small shake of her head, Dani starts to dribble—slowly, clumsily. The ball bounces unevenly against the pavement, and Paige bites back a laugh. She gives Dani a few seconds before darting in to steal the ball.
Dani yelps and pulls the ball to her chest, her arms wrapping protectively around it like it’s a lifeline.
“That is illegal!” Paige exclaims, standing in front of her with her hands on her hips.
“Then quit tryna take it from me!” Dani fires back, her voice half-laughing, half-exasperated as she shifts away from Paige.
Paige grins, circling around Dani like a shark. “Aight, fine. If you wanna be like that, we can be like that.”
Before Dani can respond, Paige lunges, trying to pry the ball free. When that doesn’t work, her fingers find their way to Dani’s ribs, tickling mercilessly.
Dani shrieks, laughter spilling out of her uncontrollably. “Paige! Stop!” she yells, twisting and turning to escape, but Paige keeps going, grinning against her ear.
“This… is… definitely… a… foul!” Dani manages between gasps, her laughter growing louder as her grip on the ball falters.
“Don’t care,” Paige replies, her voice smug as she tickles harder. Dani’s back presses into Paige’s chest as she struggles, her legs wobbling beneath her.
Paige spins the brunette around, her fingers relentless against Dani’s ribs, tickling so hard that Dani’s squealing, “Paige!” nearly collapsing under the weight of her laughter.
Finally, Paige relents, stepping back as the basketball slips from Dani’s grasp and rolls across the court. Dani leans against Paige, panting and giggling, her forehead pressing lightly into Paige’s chest.
“I hate you,” Dani mutters breathlessly, swatting weakly at Paige’s hoodie.
Paige just grins, her hands settling on Dani’s hips. “Nah, you don’t.”
Dani pulls back slightly, glaring up at her with an exaggerated pout. “Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t,” Paige replies, her voice softer now, teasing but with an edge of sincerity. Paige’s grin widens, her hand sliding upward to cup Dani’s jaw. Her thumb brushes lightly against Dani’s cheek as she leans in, her voice barely above a whisper. “C’mon, Dan, you don’t hate me.”
Dani rolls her eyes, relenting. Paige thinks she hears her breath catch. “No, I don’t.”
And then Paige tilts her head, her lips brushing against Dani’s, soft at first, as if feeling the rhythm of the moment. But then, the hesitation fades. Paige presses forward, coaxing Dani’s lips to part, and with a quiet, deep inhale, her tongue slips into Dani’s mouth.
Paige feels Dani’s mouth opening slightly more, a sigh escaping her lips. She shifts closer, hands sliding down from Paige’s chest to her sides, pulling them tighter together, the warmth of her body mingling with Paige’s. Their tongues tangle, teeth clashing slightly.
Paige’s hand on Dani’s hip trails downward, fingers slipping, finding purchase on the curve of her ass. She squeezes lightly, feeling the taut muscle beneath her fingertips, and that small movement has Dani grinning against her lips, the playful smirk against Paige’s mouth making Paige’s stomach flip.
Paige lets out a soft laugh through the kiss, a breathless sound, but she doesn’t pull away. She deepens the kiss instead, her fingers pressing a little harder, pulling Dani closer still. It’s like a slow burn, the way their bodies are melting together, hot and heavy but not frantic.
Paige takes her time. She lets her lips linger, firm but careful, savoring the way Dani responds. There’s a heat between them, an energy that buzzes under Paige’s skin, but she reins it in, keeps it simmering just beneath the surface. This moment isn’t about rushing forward—it’s about Dani, about the way she fits so perfectly in Paige’s hands, the way her lips feel impossibly soft and warm, the way she melts into the kiss.
Dani shifts slightly, her hands sliding up from Paige’s chest to loop around her neck. It pulls Paige down further, and she lets it happen, leaning into the touch, into Dani. The kiss slows for a beat, their lips brushing more gently now, like the initial spark has given way to something softer, something steadier.
Paige pulls back just an inch, her forehead resting against Dani’s. She opens her eyes slowly, and the sight of Dani—her cheeks flushed, her lips slightly swollen, her eyes half-lidded and searching—nearly takes her breath away.
“Dan,” Paige murmurs, her voice low and a little unsteady.
Dani blinks up at her, her fingers still playing lightly with the hair at the nape of Paige’s neck. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t have to. The way she looks at Paige—like she’s seeing her for the first time and yet has always known her—says everything.
Paige feels her phone buzz against her skin, the vibration pulling her reluctantly out of the moment, out of Dani’s warmth. She lets out a soft breath of frustration, but she’s still not ready to fully pull away. Her hand stays on Dani’s ass, fingers tracing the curve of her hip in a way that keeps their bodies pressed together.
She pulls the phone from her pocket with a sigh, glancing at the screen, but the feeling of Dani still so close, so tangible, is enough to make her hold on just a moment longer. It’s a message from her dad asking if she and Dani want to come back and watch a movie with Drew, Ryan, and Lauren.
She shifts the phone to face Dani, letting her read it for herself. The light from the screen illuminates their faces, casting soft shadows across Dani’s features. For a second, Paige just looks at her, at the way Dani’s brow furrows slightly in thought as she processes the message, and then the way her lips curve into that familiar smile that always does something to Paige’s chest.
“You wanna?” Paige asks quietly, her voice soft but steady, letting Dani know she’s willing to go along with whatever she decides.
Dani looks at the message and then up at Paige, smiling just a little—like the smallest of secrets are being shared. She nods, and that small gesture makes Paige’s heart skip just a little.
“Yeah,” Dani says, her voice barely above a whisper, but there’s something in her tone that makes Paige’s chest tighten with affection. “Let’s go.”
Paige smiles back, the warmth spreading in her chest, and presses one last kiss to the corner of Dani’s mouth. It’s soft, lingering for a second longer than it probably should, but Paige can’t help it. She can’t help but savor the taste of Dani, the way her lips feel like home. It’s like everything before this—before the arguing, before the space between them, before all the pain—has led to this.
This moment. This kiss. And everything that comes after it.
When she pulls back just a fraction, still feeling the heat of Dani’s skin under her hands, Paige wraps her arm around Dani’s waist and guides them back toward the picnic table. Her fingers graze the soft curve of Dani’s waist, a quiet gesture of possession, of love, of a future they haven’t yet fully realized but are starting to piece together.
They collect their milkshakes, Paige grabbing both cups, offering Dani her Oreo one, who takes it with a grateful, quiet smile, and they walk side by side, their shoulders brushing with every step. They don’t say much, the silence between them comfortable, an unspoken understanding that fills the space where words aren’t needed. There’s no pressure, no rush, just the steady rhythm of their footsteps as they head back.
Side by side, they walk back to Paige’s house, their bodies pressed close enough that the warmth between them is constant, never faltering. Neither of them speaks much, but the air between them feels thick with the weight of it all—the unspoken words, the shared memories, the connection that neither of them can deny anymore. They walk in sync, like they’ve always been meant to, and Paige finds that she doesn’t need words to fill the space.
The familiar sights of their neighborhood pass by, the houses and the trees, the sound of their feet on the pavement, the occasional rustle of wind through the leaves. They pass Dani’s dad’s house, and neither of them looks at it. Paige’s mind briefly flickers to that house, to the past, to the pain that had lingered there for so long, but it’s all behind them now. That part of their lives is a closed door, and neither of them needs to open it again.
They reach the front door of Paige’s house, and Paige can’t help but glance at Dani as she opens it. The door opens with a soft creak, and for a brief moment, Paige holds the door open with one hand while she rests her forehead against Dani’s. It’s a simple thing, but there’s something about it, something about the way Dani’s body fits against hers, something about the softness of her skin under Paige’s touch that makes it all feel like it’s meant to be.
And in that moment, Paige knows, without a doubt, that everything before this was just the beginning. Because this—this is their forever.
Then, Lauren calls for them both from inside, telling their names. Dani grins up at Paige, murmuring, “C’mon,” pulling her inside.
And as they step inside the house, with their hands still intertwined, the door closes softly behind them, sealing shut their childhoods, their high school days, and all the ups and downs that surrounded them. The future’s wide open, and Paige and Dani are ready to take that step into it.
#paige bueckers#uconn wbb#take me to church#hopkins p fic#paige bueckers fic#uconn huskies#wcbb#wbb#uconn#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers fluff#paige bueckers smut#paige bueckers series#wlw#lgbtq#wcbb x reader
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Can I please. Just for ONE sec. YELL about the Redeem Solas ending of The Veilguard from perspective of a platonic "save Solas worldstate" Inquisitor!!! (in my case a male Lavellan who romanced Dorian).
The Inquisitor is coming to Solas with nothing but their heart on their hand (their remaining hand, the other one taken by the very elf they are trying to redeem) - extended in pure hope of redemption, without any sort of further motive beyond that - never giving up fully, even after Varric's death (which totally made me waver in my erstwhile of stance of trying to redeem Solas no matter what as I'm sure many others jfc but I digress). They have EVERY reason, next to the whole issue of *cough* killing Varric, using blood magic and manipulating Rook like he did, and after Solas then continuing to betray Rook MULTIPLE TIMES, to say nope, Solas has done it, he crossed the line of no return. But they are, despite all that, STILL continuing what they have promised Solas in the Crossroads 10 years ago: "You do not have to destroy this world. I will prove it to you." Despite how lost they might be themselves! DESPITE how much Thedas and its people, and events that were set in motion by Solas himself have taken from them!!! (If you are playing as Solas-platonic Lavellan this also makes you a lost elf just like him in a way and even MORE painfully poetic). And just as Varric carried that promise to prove this to Solas with him, to the final line - just as, depending on how you play them ofc, Rook does - The Inquisitor, JUST AS THEY DID 10 YEARS AGO - walk up a set of stairs to Solas while his back is turned, and ask him. With empathy and kindness. Because deep inside them, they can see through Solas' facade. They know how he feels.
The Inquisitor sets aside all they have suffered, also by Solas own hand - who has been ripped from their old life by events out of their control; by duty; in many cases ostracized from their culture and beliefs in this process, forced to take upon a burden (the safety of the whole southern continent, or at the end of Veilguard more like the whole of Thedas) and a destiny they have never chosen and despite that still need to commit to 10 years later - and they continue to say, no. I WILL NOT BECOME TRAPPED BY WHAT I'VE LOST. (*screaming in the distance at this quote from the earlier conversation with the Inquisitor, btw, the foreshadowing in everything is so good*). And the PARALLELS in this, not just to Solas himself, but then also in the cinematography and TO TRESPASSER!!!
THIS!!!! THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE SHIT I WANT TO ESPECIALLY YELL ABOUT!!!!!
After Solas encounters Mythal and breaks down in pain and despair, the Inquisitor tells Solas, "You are free to find a better way."
And they kneel down before him - kneel down to be UNDER him - just to say it. They don't "talk down" to him, having proven their point made at the end of Trespasser. They are not "winning" here, or triumphing over Solas in any way (if anyone is winning at this moment, you could say that it is Varric from the afterlife). They fucking kneel before him, the lyrium dagger that killed Varric, nearly ripped open the Veil multiple times, killed Ghilna'nain and Elgar'nan, centimeters from their throat.
They reach out to him, one final time. Again with empathy and kindness, not judgement. And with it, light the final beacon to Solas' atonement. Doing this, they prove to Solas, without any doubt, that this is a world ((worth saving)) where he is indeed free to find a better way.
Remember Trespasser? Remember, how, at the end, The Inquisitor was kneeling before Solas, forced to kneel because the anchor was actively killing them and they were suffering unbearable torment while Solas was telling them that he would rip down the Veil and destroy the world as they know it?
See this down here, actively paralleling the final moments of Trespasser in the way Solas and the Inquisitor are positioned, Solas bent with pain... and yet, although they roles might metrophorically be seen as reversed, the Inquisitor again on the ground before him for that final statement, spoken with such softness?
Idk what to close this post with bc I have resorted to mindless rambling at this point but make of it what you will, something something full circle and breaking the circle of violence while doing so, I'll just be in my corner screaming on the inside (also Solas, when he turns around for one final time before stepping into the Veil, saying "Thanks to you I can now see the way" while looking directly at the Inquisitor (who is also the only one who's facial expression reacts to that statement, not Rook or Morrigan))
late night edit of this post bc i cannot stop thinking abt this: something VERY important is to be said here imo that the Inquisitor does not have to forgive solas to do this. In fact after all that has happened it is absolutely fine if the Inquisitor cannot forgive solas for (some of) the things he has done, and that should also be able to be the case in a save solas/solas as (former) friend world state!!! And that would not lessen this scene. On the contrary, even. Giving someone a chance at redemption - bringing light to them and opening their eyes to another path with kindness and empathy DESPITE the pain the inquisitor has endured - while not being able to forgive solas for the pain - just makes the breaking of the circle of violence and the not being trapped in regret themes even more powerful!!! This is actively abt the Inquisitor (and Rook!) setting aside all pride and ego, letting go of their loss and pain and their demons of regret, and making solas open his heart to the way out as much as it is abt Solas himself!!! In spite of it all!!!
#dragon age#datv spoilers#da4#da4 spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#the inquisitor#inquisitor lavellan#male lavellan#lavellan#solas#solas dragon age#datv#da: tv#da: tv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#chrys'sev lavellan#there is an extra post to be made about how solas treats rook in that scene esp rook handing him the lyrium dagger - trusting him#to do the right thing and solas#in the end handing it back to rook. trusting them fully to do the right thing with it#but that is for another post
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Slide - The Vacation - MYG
Pairing: Producer!Yoongi X Lyricist!Reader
Theme: Angst, smut, unplanned pregnancy. Fwb to ?
Word count: 1.6k
Summary:
"I can see the pain in your eyes I don't wanna say that I'm God, but I'll take you to heaven if you die"
Alternatively,
Yoongi finally finds an answer to all of his questions.
Listened to Slide by Chase Atlantics
Warnings: Angst, angst and angst
Minors do not interact!!
Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Patreon (for early access)
Taglist requests are closed for now
A/N: This chapter has both readers and Yoongi's pov.
Read the next chapter
“I want to try being with you. If you’d let me.” Yoongi had said, just less than an hour ago, standing at your dining place.
If you have ever thought you would be squealing like a schoolgirl when he mistakenly professes his love for you - then you had been wrong. Because those words of his - rang hollow.
Those words of his had no promise, no meaning, only a tone of experiment - or maybe less than that.
Your tears have dried up. You have cried much more in the span of a year than you ever had in these twenty eight years of life.
So you don’t cry.
Even when you stare at your bathroom mirror, without the sign of another life springing into you - you don’t cry.
Even when the metallic smell of your own blood-soaked sheets dances around your senses - you don’t cry.
Even when Yoongi’s voice saying he doesn’t know what he feels for you rings loudly in your head - you don’t cry.
The woman who is standing at the place of your reflection is you - but emptier.
Now, truly, you have nothing left in yourself.
The baby is gone, Yoongi is gone, you - yourself - are gone.
When Yoongi broke and scattered the broken pieces all over your sanity, you picked those up, put them up in a stack.
Now that you are at the same place, who is going to do that for you?
No one?
Yourself.
So you decide, you need a vacation.
Attachment and Expectations are two human behaviors that you have always dreaded.
You have purposefully stayed away from everyone, whoever you thought would get you attached. And you have always expected the least positive outcome whenever it comes to human connections.
At the beginning, Yoongi was no exception.
You admired him but never stepped past the professional boundaries in fear of getting attached, until he broke the norms.
Even when you realized you fell in love, you expected nothing more than the warmth of his body. But your resolve weakened whenever he looked at you for a little longer than necessary, whenever he shared tales about Holly, whenever he treated you to a meal.
Now that you are determined to heal yourself - you realize this is the root of the problem.
You are attached to Yoongi and you have expected Yoongi to have a similar feeling towards you.
Wrong. So wrong.
You need to break free.
So, you try to save what’s left of your sanity and avoid looking at Yoongi as he and Namjoon sit right across from you in the same meeting room where everything went south a month and half ago.
Your feet bounce under the table, your breath shortens under Namjoon’s scrutinizing eyes.
“Y/N, tell us what’s wrong? Why suddenly - I mean, I am not saying no your application but you have hardly ever been to such a long holiday? And if I am being honest, then you look quite unwell. Is there something we should know?” Namjoon is concerned, you know that. You are even grateful but you have no energy to answer him, no energy to lie anymore.
You have no will to spend another minute inside the same room as Yoongi - because no matter what - you love him and you want him to wrap his hands around you and let you cry in his embrace.
You want him to mourn with you.
You want him to mourn for you.
“I was pregnant. I lost the baby two nights ago. I am neither mentally nor physically fit to work for now. Besides, I don’t have any important projects going on.” you reply flatly.
Saying these words out loud, makes things even more real.
Pain crawls back inside your heart and fills your eyes to the brim.
Namjoon has gone quiet.
Yoongi has always been silent.
“O-oh.. I- I didn’t know. I’m sorry. It must be tough, Y/N. Please take care of yourself.” Namjoon fumbles with words, a rare sight.
Funny how your misery has rendered the smart ones dumb.
He approves your leave in his laptop as you raise your feet to leave.
“Are you going alone?” His voice interrupts your action.
Yoongi doesn’t look at you, he stares blankly at the table.
“Yes.” you reply.
“Stay safe.” he adds.
And you want nothing more than to scream at him, to tell him that he fucked you up. But in reality you know he is troubled too - that it’s your fault as much as it's his.
“Sure.” you mutter, as you quietly slip out of the room.
Two nights ago when you left the bathroom the first thing you did was to look for your phone. When you found it laying idly by your laptop on your desk, you dialed Hoseok’s number for the second time that evening.
You were incredibly sorry to him.
He was but a stranger to you and had no responsibility of attending to your troubles but still he showed up when you called him sitting on your bloody bed and came rushing to you despite being busy.
This time too, he received your call right after two rings.
“I need a vacation, Hoseok. Do you.. Do you know any wellness retreats that might help me?” you asked.
“That’s a really good thought, Y/N. I will send you a few links, check those out, okay?” he replied.
And that’s how you ended up packing your bags for a month-long retreat in Thailand.
Yoongi didn’t come back home that night.
He went straight to a snack bar and drank seven bottles of distilled Soju all alone.
However, he didn’t black out this time. He knew there would be no calling you if he passed out on the floor, covered in vomit and mud.
He knew there would be no kindness from your side - he doesn’t deserve it - he never had.
While he drank the only thing he could recall is that you were carrying his baby. That you were on the very first step of being a mother and him a father.
Weird how, if these same words would have come out Gyuri’s mouth, he would have freaked out so bad.
But it’s you. And whenever he thought of you, he could picture a quiet life. A condo in an upscale neighborhood, floor to ceiling windows where he could enjoy mellow sunlight sitting on the couch with you.
Where he could cook for you in the kitchen and then serve you food piping hot or maybe feed you upon blowing a little.
Those thoughts had always shaken him to the core, made him question his feelings towards you but at the end of the day, he always left himself with no answer.
On the next morning when he woke up with the worst hangover ever, he decided to do what you have asked him to.
He decided to give himself time and question himself regularly, repeatedly, that what is it that he feels for you?
And while doing so, he decided to stay away from you - give you time to find your footing and mourn for the loss.
He decides to mourn too.
However, he got completely ruined like a damp wall with several cracks when he read your leave application.
You had applied for a month-long holiday.
A month without you? Without seeing you for a glance? Without hearing from you, even a word? Without having to watch you pressing the button on the seventh floor on the elevator, without your quiet sitting figure in the meetings, without your habit of writing lyrics on pen and paper rather than using your ipad?
Can he… can he survive?
“Y/N..” he finds himself following you after you leave the meeting room.
You don’t startle, nor do you turn back. You stand in the middle of the corridor and wait for him to finish his sentence.
“When are you leaving?” he asks from where his feet are stuck on the floor.
“Tomorrow morning.” you reply briefly.
“Incheon?”
“Gimpo”
“Can I come? To see you off?”
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to. I want to see you off. I want to know… to know what I- what I feel for you.”
He confesses to your back.
You, probably, sigh.
“Okay.” you say before walking off.
When he reaches the airport as per the timing you have sent him - he sees you sitting a little far away from the check in counter.
“Hey.” he approaches you.
You look up at him with tired, blank eyes. Your eyes want to make him cry.
“Hi. I was only waiting for you. I gotta go check in.” your voice is just as blank.
He nods.
“Bye.” you try to walk away from him.
But he stops you with a hand on your wrist.
“I will.. I will be here when you come back.” he whispers, only for you to hear.
You nod.
And then something crashes inside Yoongi, the dam of his eyes breaks and tears start falling unbound. He pulls you closer to his body, envelops you in a hug.
You stay still but he doesn’t mind.
He relishes your warmth, your smell, your feel for as long as he can.
When he lets go, his lips find yours.
He kisses you softly, with everything he has in himself.
You don’t kiss him back but he doesn’t mind.
For you, he will wait.
Because right then, while you part your way from him, Yoongi finds an answer to all his questions.
Yoongi realizes… He is in love with you.
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James Potter x slytherin!reader
Summary: His ambition was to want what he could not have. James was the greatest proof of that.
Warnings: Platonic Love, Angst
Materlist
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“How are you even in Slytherin?” Sirius exclaimed, visibly exasperated.
You sighed, already used to that same old tune. It wasn’t the first time you’d had this discussion, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. But was a little peace too much to ask? It was the last day of summer, with the deliciously warm sun shining in a bright blue sky, and a cool lake right in front of you. Surely, they could find better things to do.
“Get over it,” you retorted with a dismissive wave of your hand, taking the opportunity to adjust the hat on your head.
Sirius clutched his chest with exaggerated flair, as if your words had struck him. Always so dramatic.
“So cruel. I’m starting to worry that spending so much time in that snake pit has done irreparable damage—ow!”
He let out a yelp as you threw an empty plastic bottle at him, hitting him square in the chest and leaving a red mark blooming on his skin.
“Bloody hell, that hurt!” He shot you a wounded look. “I think I’m starting to understand now.”
“You asked for it, Padfoot,” James said, his tone dry, a subtle smirk curling at the edges of his lips.
James. Always him. Always there.
“Wow, why am I not surprised? You’re always ready to defend your protégé, aren’t you, Potter?” Sirius quipped.
You looked down, feeling heat rise to your cheeks. It was silly—you knew it was—but it was inevitable. James was your friend. Just that: a friend. And nothing more. Ever.
Sirius would never really understand, you thought, as a small, awkward laugh escaped your lips. In truth, none of the Marauders seemed to grasp how someone as sweet as you had ended up in Slytherin. But what they couldn’t see was the fierce ambition smoldering deep inside you—ambitions greater than you could bear, ambitions that burned like embers hidden beneath ashes. It was those embers that had made the Sorting Hat whisper decisively about the House of the Serpent. You’d never told them, but you knew the reason.
Your ambition was wanting what you could never have. James was the ultimate proof of that.
“Lily would love this,” James suddenly said, pointing up at the sky as he watched the clouds with a smile. “The colors, the light… She likes things like this.”
Your chest tightened. The smile on his face as he spoke about Lily was almost too painful to witness. He seemed lost in thought, as if her presence were a star he was always trying to reach, even when it was galaxies away. But you were good at hiding your feelings. You always had been.
“She really likes lakes?” Sirius teased. “How fascinating, Prongs. Maybe we should get a private one for the wedding.”
James laughed, the sound ringing out like a melody across the valley. Even when Sirius teased, he never concealed his admiration for Lily. You, on the other hand, felt every word like a needle piercing the fragile barrier around your heart.
James turned to you, smiling in that way only he could—so warm, so unassuming. He ruffled your hair lightly, a gesture he’d been doing since your first years at Hogwarts.
“You’re awfully quiet today. Something about the water spooking you?”
You shook your head, trying to mask the flush creeping across your face. He was so close, the sunlight glinting off the droplets of water on his bare chest. James had changed over the years, growing taller and broader, his lean muscles rippling with every subtle movement. He was only wearing swim trunks, and the sight alone made your heart race.
“Just enjoying the warmth, James. Unlike you, I don’t feel the need to make noise all the time.”
“She’s got you there, James,” Sirius chuckled.
The relief was fleeting, but the sense of closeness lingered in the air. You could hardly look at him directly, because every moment by his side was a silent battle between yearning and reality. He’d never know—he could never know.
Later, when you finally gave in to James’s insistence and waded into the lake, things momentarily felt lighter. He splashed around you, tugging on your arm to lead you into the deeper water. At one point, his hands found your waist to steady you, and the feeling of his touch burned into your memory. It wasn’t fair. None of it was fair.
“You’re looking too serious again,” he said, swimming alongside you. “I don’t like it when you get like this.”
You forced a smile, trailing your fingers across the lake’s crystalline surface.
“I’m fine, James,” you replied, avoiding his gaze. “I’m always fine.”
He looked at you, his expression softening. And there was something in that look, something that made you want to believe—just for a fleeting moment—that maybe he could truly see you. But then he reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face, and said with the same gentle voice he always used:
“You’re important to me, you know that?” He remained close, the pads of his fingers pressed gently against her chin, lifting her head so their eyes could meet. “Don’t forget that.” You nodded weakly, intoxicated by his closeness. Even in the cool water, he radiated warmth.
If only he knew… If only he knew those words only fed your foolish hope.
Hours later, as the sun dipped below the horizon and the conversation turned once more to Lily, you drifted away. Sitting at the lake’s edge, watching the reflection of the sky shift from gold to purple, Sirius’s words echoed in your mind: “How are you even in Slytherin?”
But you knew. You knew you’d been chosen because of the ambitions that consumed you. You wanted everything, and yet you knew you’d never have anything. Because no matter how deep your yearning for love, it was just a foolish dream.
You looked at James in the distance, his laughter filling the air. And then, almost inaudibly, you whispered to yourself, as if trying to bury the thought forever:
“They were nothing but foolish ambitions.”
#james potter#james potter x reader#marauders#prongs x reader#atj x reader#atj#aaron johnson#aaron taylor johnson#writing#fanfiction
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I tend to fixate on evan as a character at times because his whole shtick is that hes mysterious and has issues tm, but also because i have also been the haunted (literally spoke to ghosts as a child) ass white kid (white) suffering from food insecurity (yall ever have a mustard sandwich, its bread heels with mustard on them. Thats how i learned to like mustard.) So i relate to him quite a bit.
But, i cant help but be deeply curious about the other misfits and their lives, struggles, and their mysteries.
I frequently work with kids like Jammer (ive been christened with a nickname by middleschoolers. Its Shawty DooBop. Im glad its that and not "that mean ass librarian") and I wonder what his life is like on a day to day basis. Did he pick his sister up from her after school program? How long has he been writing? A lot of kids I know, no matter how much they like the sports they play, were originally put into them by parents hoping they could be something great, but what would he want to be if he wanted to be something different? Did he ever read the maximum ride series? Does he actually like dragon ball Z or is it more of a cultural osmosis thing?
K is deeply relatable to me on a number of levels (nonbinary tumblrina) but also deeply alien. Do they talk to their family at all? Do they feel remorse for cyber bullying people over steven universe? Do they get mad at themself when they have to remember people cant just be tropes, they also have to be people? Even themself? When will they go to therapy????
Sam black, britain, butler my beloved. Fellow child of divorce, how much did that influence your comunication? How long has being an influencer been her focus? Does she actually want to inluence, or does she just want friends? She struggled in school, did anyone ever try to help? Would it have been better or worse to be on an iep plan? Does she still talk to her family much now that shes famous, is it out of love, or out of that family wanting her support and her energy? How has T2 stayed a teacup pig? Those usually grow into potbelly pigs of some sort. Does she feel like her magic has actually hampered her ability to connect with others because she is so easily liked? What were the sailor moon forums like, what happened after your pink pal stopped liking pink?
Also to the magic mommy of all time, what was Bombini's life like? A 600+ year old wizard who seems to have lost everything dear to him and is upholding the memory of people long lost built on foundations that were crumbling from the start. Dudes middle name is kyle. He seems like a paralell to our sad ass white boy, if they had decided to uphold the nature of magic and the old ways, would evan have become like him? A shuffling, sad, impossibly old steward? Also whats happening on tadershacourt. Whos the shadow man with Khan.
God i have so many questions, im deeply glad misfits and magic got a season 2 but i do think it has just given me more to be insane about. I managed this with only 4 eps and a holiday special, im gonna explode. Truely the tumblr coded series of all time.
#misfits and magic#evan kelmp#whitney jammer#k tanaka#sam britain#sam black#sam butler#tabby the tablet#bombini#misfits and magic s2#misfits and magic season 2
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Thanks
CW: cooties
It’s that Turkey thanks day here where I’m at. So I figured I would be that cringe fucker who gets overly insightful on today for a change.
But I figured I would sit down and tap for a second for anyone who would glance over at me today.
This past year has been, a lot for me. Good n bad and stuff but.
I wanted to say thank you to my friends. My dear friends.
I don’t think I would be the man I am right now without you and your support.
Like literally, prolly wouldn’t have been Raymond without you. You helped me test out everything and become comfortable with becoming Raymond. I can never be thankful enough for that, I’m closer to who I am and want to be even. I cannot express my thanks enough for that.
You guys support my artwork and my characters so much. You guys let me yap for so long and you let me send so many paragraphs for hours about my shitty ass stories and OCs. You’ve listened to so much Jolene Bennet and Pinky BrainRot you deserve awards. It seems silly but it means a lot to me that you guys are willing to listen to me insanity. I’m not that interesting of a person, so my characters are all I’ve got going on, it just means a lot that you are willing to listen.
You have also had to bear witness to the Birth of Jarble as well as its continued development. Which is very special to me due to why I made Jarble to begin with. It means the world that I can feel comfortable sharing it, developing it, getting tips and bouncing ideas back and forth. Jarble went from a shitty AU I made to escape from everything into something I hold dear to me. It’s special now, it might have died out and fizzled. So thank you for helping me create something special. Also the fact that I’m willing to share my writings with you guys show how much I trust y’all, my writing sucks and you are the few who get to witness it. I will say however, fuck you for the sheer amount of Jeden emojis, he haunts me and you do this to me I’ll get you /silly
As well as you guys aren’t afraid to call me out on my shit. If I’m doing something wrong, if I’m being out of line or overreacting… you call me out. You come to me and talk and help me get better as a person.
You were in the trenches with me when I became a Aggressive, Distrustful person who snapped and was going crazy because I was being stalked. Helped me gain the courage to speak out when I got doxxed by Travis. Stuck with me when I had to change antipsychotic medications and I went absolutely batshit and had to go to the hospital. When I was stuck in bed for nearly two weeks because I was practically almost dying. You guys… for whatever reason. Stuck with me.
You didn’t have to stick around, I never would’ve judged you if you did. But you stuck around, you came to me and laid it all out on the table. You told me when I was being unreasonable or that I was hurting you with my actions. You helped me when you didn’t… really have to.
And you continue to help me, I’m a better person now and I know that. I don’t think I would’ve gotten as better as I am without you.
You support me, you help me when I’m lost or confused, you talk to me… you share Garfield things with me or if I’m upset you send a picture of your dogs or just.. you do so much for me.
I am forever thankful for everything. I’m not good at expressing emotions, I never have been. So perhaps it’s all just nonsense what I’m saying or maybe I’m repeating myself, I don’t know.
But thank you.
For everything.
I love you guys and I wish I could be better at explaining it… that way I’m not dropping a mile long scientific paragraph on you every few months
And a thank you for my Followers as well.
Which sounds like, cocky or something to say. I don’t know, feels weird standing here going “AND TO MY FOLLOWERS” but it’s hm.
ANYWAYS.
Thank you lot for sticking around!
Within the past year and a half I’ve… been different! I cut off all social stuff for the longest time and then went radio silent a lot posting wise. Almost all my blogs kinda went nonexistent. I deleted a lot.
And then I randomly went “hey guys look at this story I’m working on called Jarble. I will tell you absolutely nothing about it.”
But y’all still? Stuck around.
Which I know I’m just like, another guy on the dash posting stuff. So perhaps it isn’t that deep as I’m making it sound? I don’t know.
BUT REGARDLESS. You guys stuck around!
You guys watched as I went insane over a AU that I never said anything about. Which might’ve been annoying when you guys asked and I just never answered because I got self conscious lmaO. Yet you guys still showed interest and shared support!
When I decided to update my blogs again, welcomed me back and showed support when I expressed interest in doing stuff again.
Even welcomed me back when I decided to attempt to be social again and join discord servers! Which was… hard for me and a 1000% awkward! Cuz I went insane and then shuffled back like a fool. Yet! Here I am!
You guys keep supporting me, sending me asks and supporting me and my work despite it all
And I thank you for that! I appreciate it and it makes me feel special when you guys appear to show genuine interest in my dumb characters and stories…
I know I’m just another idiot on the feed, but it means a lot to me that you stick around and glance in my direction.
So all in all
Thank you guys.
To everyone.
End of cooties
Edit: also thanks to my fiancé I guess. Whatever. You’re sitting right across from me and I might throw a cracker at you. But you alright I guess. 🙄🙄 don’t choke on the Turkey BabyGirl
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Billy opens his eyes in September 1985, in Hawkins hospital, and he's not happy to be alive. If you asked him, he would've preferred to stay dead or — unfortunately he never was dead — in a coma. Lying in bed like a withering away vegetable, blissfully unaware of his own existence or non-existence.
Gods have not been that merciful. Hargrove wakes up and doesn't even know his own body anymore. He needs to learn everything anew, starting with walking, or eating usual food — like an 18-year-old baby, for fuck's sake.
He's also bitter at everyone — yeah, for not fucking telling him !!
Except for Neil. Neil gets another kind of bitterness — quieter, darker, drowned in neverending pain.
Max gets a
"Fuck off, Maxine and shut the damn door." Said to the wall.
The gang of monster-hunters aren't even allowed to take a peek at her angry (and badass) brother.
Owens gets a
"Just leave me alone, Doc. I'm clean, and don't give a fuck about conquering the world anymore. Wasn't able to take a piss without a catheter until recently. I've got problems of a different level to deal with now."
When Steve opens the door to Billy's room, he actually gets talked to.
"Billy? .. Can I come in? .. Hey .. Hi."
Hargrove doesn't look like himself. He's too skinny, un-tanned, has some kind of a scanty beard, even longer hair, and looks like Jesus Christ.
Steve still can't believe it's happening. To come back to life after what Billy's been through? Impossible.
Maybe they put a dummy in the hospital bed.
The dummy opens its eyes, reluctantly turns its head towards Harrington, who is still hovering over the threshold, and doesn't say a word.
"How ..?" Steve's clearing his throat, cause sounds suddenly get stuck in it. "How are you .. feeling?"
The mannequin, who is probably Billy after all, blinks sadly and curls his lips
"Awesome, amigo."
Whew, damn, he's talking.
"Does .. does anything hurt?"
The guy looks at him like he's the dumbest idiot
"My ass hurts. I've been lying here for so long, I don't even know anymore if I have one or not."
Harrington wants to giggle, but that would sound extremely impolite.
He bites his lower lip.
"You look good."
Billy grins maliciously, and Steve is still shifting from foot to foot
"You're.." What's wrong with him?
"Listen, you're.."
"Get out."
"Uhm .. what?"
"You think you're so .. nice? Paying a visit to a poor sick guy? Why? To be a good fucking person? Get the fuck out of here."
"A good .. what?!" Steve tries to move closer to the bed but .. that's definitely stupid. He just feels like a ridiculous scarecrow in the field, with his ears burning
"That's not .. Hargrove. I actually .."
"Fuck you. I don't need you to come here."
"Okay, just .."
"Get lost!" Billy raises his voice
"Can I .."
"NURSE !!"
God.
"Alright! Get better!"
Asshole. Steve slams the door.
***
Three days later, he again tries to visit the boy who is definitely a nobody to him, and Billy again refuses to see him.
You know what, this is just too much ..! Silly games in the sandbox.
As if they weren't two reasonable adults. As if Steve hadn't watched Hargrove die horrifically, and as if he hadn't accompanied him to the hospital in the ambulance that night. Well, he himself was pretty beaten up, and needed a ride to the hospital, so it was kinda .. on the way, but still.
He sort of cared.
Was worried sick, to be honest.
And, listen, Steve generally doesn't take rejection well when he cares about something. Someone.
He's also sure of one thing — water wears the stone away.
So Steve shows up at the hospital again. Just to remind Billy of his existence, hang around the hallway, and when the door opens, give him a deliberately friendly smile and a wave of his hand.
Maybe he's here not to see Hargrove at all, he's got other stuff to do. Maybe he was just passing room number eight by accident.
Harrington is amused at Billy's face every time the guy catches a glimpse of Steve in his vicinity.
The patient either switches on complete indifference and sits there with a pompous ass face, as if they don't even know each other, or hisses like a pissed off cat.
Or he conspiratorially whispers something to the nurse when Harrington peers through the half-closed door — most likely asking her not to let Steve into the room under any circumstances.
But the former king didn't fall off the banana truck either. He has his own ways of influencing others — and begs nurse Miller, who seems to him more compassionate than nurse Fieldstone, to pass Hargrove a note
Dude, talk to me.
Steve turns to Max with a request — to collect some tapes from her brother's room, Metallica, Scorpions, Ratt, Mötley Crüe and his other favorite bands,
And asks Mrs. Miller to give them to the moody patient along with an expensive new Sony cassette player, which Harrington bought yesterday on Main Street.
The next day the player is waiting for Steve at the reception — Billy refused to accept the gift, but Harrington does not give in.
"Could you please put it in the drawer of the bedside table, preferably when he is asleep?"
The plan seems to have worked, at least the player is no longer returned. The guy must be climbing walls from hospital boredom.
One day Harrington gets lucky — he's going up to the second floor and bumps into Hargrove, who is being wheeled somewhere in a chair
"Oh, hi! Hello, Mrs. Miller!"
The nurse nods to him. Billy will not make a scene in front of all people, so he reluctantly grits out through his teeth
"Hi."
"How are you?"
"Great."
Steve notices Billy's cheeks turning pink, and the boy is hiding his eyes — he's obviously not very happy that they met like that, when he is in such a helpless state, for Hargrove has always been the machiest macho, hated any manifestation of weakness. And here he is — in a wheelchair.
"Where are you going?"
The guy's patience snaps loose
"Fuck off, will you?"
Well, let's not tempt the fate too hard.
"Have a nice day, Billy!" Steve is impeccably polite, unlike the frowning patient. However, was that not a whole conversation?
Harrington definitely calls it progress.
..
One wonderful autumn day, Steve decides to take an ultimate risk. He is in great mood, and he wants to share it.
Harrington swerves through the streets, listening to the radio while driving, a soft smile playing on his lips. On the way to the hospital, Harrington stops at the "Hawkins Bloom" flower shop and buys a bouquet. Whether it's chrysanthemums or dahlias, he doesn't know.
"What kind of flowers does your girlfriend prefer? Here's a beautiful autumn combination .."
"That's not for a girlfriend. It's uh .. for a friend .. he's in hospital? Something more modest, perhaps? But tasteful. Not cheap."
He feels like he's making excuses
Why the hell ..?
Jesus.
Billy definitely won't like this idea, but Steve's gonna do it anyways.
Cause he feels like it. That's valid enough.
So Steve buys the flowers and brings them to the room. He enters brazenly, without asking permission, puts them on the nightstand and moves it away from the bed — so that Billy cannot reach the bouquet and throw it at the visitor.
Oh, and let Hargrove puff, huff and even chuckle stupidly a couple of times as much as he wants — nothing escapes Steve's attentive eyes — blushing and demanding
"Take away these ugly fucking twigs! Are you out of your fucking mind, Harrington?"
Also, threatening him with physical violence
"I would so whip your ass with it, honestly."
Now that's an interesting offer, now we're talking
Harrington only winks at him, smiles
"Get well, okay?"
And rushes out of the room.
..
Like hardest ice under the persistent heat of the bright spring sun, Hargrove has no choice but to start thawing off, little by little.
One day, Steve arrives at the hospital during reception hours, pokes his head into room number eight
"So how are you? Maybe we should talk?"
Hargrove defiantly rolls his eyes and sighs as though he's so hopelessly tired
"You're such a fucking pain in the ass."
Steve shrugs.
"We are broken up anyway, even though we weren't even together for real, Harrington. Never. For the record. So don't get too carried away."
Billy keeps on grumbling
"You think you brought flowers, gifts, notes, so what? I'm not your chick, for fuck's sake!"
"Well, can we be friends?"
"Nah."
That's fine. He'll come around.
Oh, and did Steve forget to mention they did hook up before all the Mindflayer business went down? Must've slipped his mind in all the commotion.
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I don't know what caused all of us concurrently to have so much Maxiel feels in the past 42 hours or so. But I caught the bug, but instead of working on the 5 Daniel Ricciardo fics I'm writing, my brain decided it wanted to spend an hour (it was like 40mins) to write this Max Pov fic. MAXIEL.
Max loving Daniel through the years. As a friend. Honest.
It is unbetad, I literally word vomited this out. Haven't been posted on Ao3 yet bcos I might add to it sometime later, or it might be added to a longer piece I'm working on.
Words: Around 700ish words.
Max knew he loved Daniel three months into joining Red Bull. It wasn't one single thing, it was an accumulation of soft words, loud laughs, and gentle touches when Max felt like the world was ending because he couldn't fucking race as well as he should have, when he was barely containing his rage at the car not fucking being good enough, and when he felt like they were wasting time doing promos and other useless things that wasn't racing. It was that and all the ways Daniel defended him against the media and anyone else who said anything bad about him, even when it was the truth.
So of course Max went from having a little crush on Daniel to loving Daniel. It was very hard not to love Daniel. And even years later Max still could not understand those that hated Daniel.
Loving Daniel only increased the sex dreams Max had of Daniel. It was fine, Max had a handle on it. Daniel was very beautiful and liked to flirt, and Max matched Daniel with a similar energy. He loved Daniel, and if Daniel was ever serious about any of it, Max would of course jumped the man. But they weren't like that, and women was just easier when Max was still a F1 driver. So he kept on flirting, kept on pushing the line, and laughed uncontrollably as Daniel stuttered and stumbled over Max's words and actions.
Max never lost at anything, he was not losing "gay chicken" to Daniel.
And bit by bit Max was figuring out that he had a physical and mental type when it came to people he found attractive - dark haired and olive skinned and a beautiful smile. He liked them driven, funny, and a sliver of mean streak. He added older to the list when he met Kelly.
Max loved Daniel, and he knew Daniel at the very least liked him a lot, and when Daniel left Red Bull he still spent time with him, still defended him, and still laughed at his jokes, Max knew that Daniel loved him too. They weren't best friends, but they were friends who knew each other than almost anyone else could understand them because of their careers.
They spent years like that, having each other's back, loving each other, spending time together. They had their ups and downs like any friendship, months where they didn't speak to each other because they were angry at each other. But Max always knew that the silence was temporary because he knew Daniel, he trusted their friendship, and Daniel has never failed him before.
Max watched Daniel's career rise and fall, went from a bright shining star to crashing into the dirt making a crater with Daniel in the centre of its wreckage. And Max couldn't do one fucking thing beside be there, beside spend time with Daniel off track, beside sending messages of support.
Daniel was a good person, an excellent driver, and someone Max loved. It was frustrating. Everyone else in life talked about Daniel with hints of barely hidden regret, as if somehow Daniel was lesser than he was, as if he wasn't beautiful and talented and fucking driven.
Marko and Christian stopped talking about what they would differently with Daniel in his presence, stopped hinting at how Daniel was a coward who didn't fight. His father stopped making snide remarks about Daniel never being a good driver, and Kelly, well, Kelly stopped looking at Daniel with sharp eyes as if weighing his worth against her's in Max's life.
Max wasn't sure he wanted the answer to that.
There were many times Max wanted to punch everyone in fucking throat for them trying to rip pieces out of Daniel. He held back because he had control now. He made sure he supported Daniel more.
It didn't click together until Daniel had hugged him on international television, clung to him like a koala that Daniel had made Max touch all those years ago, and Daniel was so thin, soft skin over lean muscles and bones, the last bit of fat burnt away by the past few years.
And oh. The world had turned slightly on its axle, and Max realised that he didn't just love Daniel.
Well. Of course he was in love with Daniel.
Daniel was simply lovely.
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I'm on the hunt for some chonky COMPLETED fics. Please and thank you. Looking for good character development, meaty plots.
Susan/Caspian
Jonsa
Jaimsa
I'll even take some LotR/Similarion stuff even though I'm not super familiar with it
Witcher (Geralt/Yennefer, Ciri focused stuff)
Poe/Rey (No Reylo, please, I don't go there)
SW Prequel Stuff (Sabe/Obi-Wan, Anakin/Padme, Hera/Kanan...)
Elena/Elijah
Caroline/Klaus (no Damon/Elena ship stuff pls)
Tyler/Elena
I just, I'm pouring all my time and energy right now into massive plot heavy ten million moving parts fic and I've lost like 20 AO3 bookmarks because people deleted and so I'm on the search for something good. So currently wracking my brain for the things I like that might give me some must reads
#fan fiction#ao3 fanfic#fanfic rec#like I'm super fucking picky#but I just feel like so much has been lost over the years so#help a girl out#thanks!
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:
Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#lok malina#still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now#and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that#don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before#to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021#because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing#but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence#anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he#*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character#for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop#I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like#I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her#if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet#okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself#lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer#about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long#this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh#I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out#*surprising#less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know#anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous#her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this#and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning#I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb#okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
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The chronic pain has been so fucking bad lately
#And usually colder weather is easier on me idfk#Had a full blown panic attack that my beloved saw...#Not the funnest of times.#But yeah its getting so bad I don't know how much longer I can just. Work. In general#I wish I could take a walk and bring my cat along because she loves being in a harness and going outside#I wish I could swim in the summer#I wish I could go a day without pain shooting through half of my body and I have to brush it off & any thoughts of it being a heart attack#I'm so fucking tired these days#I need to do so many things still. I have comms from months ago I still need to do. I feel like I can't hardly work on art#Without having a full blown meltdown because I've lost so much skill over the years#I've watched my life slowly deteriorate in regards to my health and every result from doctors come back as average or exceptional#Idfk what to do any more#I turned in disability papers in MAY and its still months away from being fully processed l#And is likely to get a no from the first time l#How do I survive another year like this. This past one nearly killed me#I desperately need help and I have no idea where to find it#My poor girlfriend has been getting a short straw for a while regarding how we split payments and god I wish I could#Do so much more. She deserves comfort and so do I.
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ngl seeing everyone clutch onto one(1) photo and then "speculate" on it is hilarious because everyone is coming to "conclusions" and they're all contradicting each other asdfajas. just with the Finn pic today alone, i've seen people say he looks "older"? (not shit they didn't film for a year) so it has to be a time skip past 1987? (no idea what the reasoning for that is supposed to be other than that the actors look different than 1 year ago), i've seen people explain it could be a flashback to pre s4, i've seen people say it's a "byler win" for some reason?? and so on and on
not shaming at all but also holy shit i need everyone who's feeling "we lost" about something to shut up right now, no one can even agree on what they're seeing in a photo, i Assure you whatever you're upset about happening has a less than 5% chance of actually happening, it's a still image my man
#not shaming theorizing at all there's some cool ideas going around#i'm just laughing at how many people are treating whatever conclusions they're drawing from one behind the scenes pic like a fact#''ooooh so this means xyz. great!'' and then you see the image and it has nothing to do with that akdfjal#and then there's no elaborating either. brother you are unintelligible to me#maybe it's just worse for me than usual bc i've been out all day#so whenever i check tumblr for a minute or so my dash is full of reaches and people going through the highs and lows#meanwhile we got one picture#words of someone who was touching too much grass today and then went to therapy#feeling too normal to understand why people are upset over a hc they just came up with themselves#but the next year is going to be Rough if i've seen 3+ we lost takes come from one grainy paparazzi shot#the first 'mike and el get married will gets sacrificed and there's no monster/dragon' fake leak that we'll eventually get will be Rough
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