#but I haven’t really had the right mindset up until now

[crimson--freak]

Okay I dont know much about your liked ships so uhh your favorite podcast ship for the shipping bingo!

To be honest, I haven’t really been listening to any new podcasts for ages (Malevolent was really the last one that I picked up, about a year ago), so I don’t have many podcast ships much less a favourite one.

However, I’ll go with a classic (Jonmartin from TMA, because they were my first big podcast ship).

(“I used to like it” is highlighted not because I don’t like them anymore, but because in terms of ships it’s kind of a low-level one for me. I still enjoy it, but I’ve kind of moved on from them as a main-focus ship in my mind.)

[ID: A shipping bingo template with the sections “comfort ship”, “I used to like it”, “guilty pleasure ship”, “literally perfect, no notes”, and “they should go to therapy together. heart emoji” highlighted in green. /End ID]

[six-improbable-things]

.

[karvroom]

NIGHT PATROL

hawks x pro hero!reader

⟢ summary: It had been months since anyone had seen you, excluding news outlets and countless civilians you saved. Each passing day, worry grew amongst your small group of Hero friends, especially Hawks. It wasn’t until a fateful night of patrol that he had some closure regarding your absence.

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Sitting atop of a roof of a tall apartment building, you found it peaceful. You left the noise below, finding solace in the cool night air. Your legs dangled off the edge of the building, swinging to the beat of a song currently stuck on repeat in your head. You propped yourself up by placing your hands behind you and leaning back.

A loud WHOOSH came from the rear of the building.

“This doesn’t look like patrolling to me.” You didn’t have to turn around to know the winged hero, Hawks, was standing directly behind you with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes met the top of your head, inspecting every hair follicle in sight.

“Since when are you my boss?” You spoke, gaze wandering the busy street below. You watched as thousands of people passed. It may have been late, but a handful of individuals indulged in the night life, living it up in Japan as they pleased. You found it fascinating how everyone had their own lives. They each had a home to go back to, kids to tend, dinner to make, pets to feed, etc. You couldn’t fathom how unique everybody’s lives were from one another. It was impossible for you to know everything about anyone, no matter how much you tried. Your eyes settled on a man dressed for a gala, trailing his figure through the crowd. Your raspy voice followed, “I can see from up here.”

Hawks scoffed, easing more into the atmosphere as he took a seat next to you. He finally felt the breeze he’d been missing all day; taking a long breath, he could smell the street vendors’ food. He could’ve gone for some American food right then.

“Did you just come here to flirt?” You asked, not bothering to give him a glance of acknowledgment. He followed your gaze, trying to keep his eyes off your alluring features. You furrowed your brows at the citizens, your lips thinned into a line, the occasional twitch in your nose, he noticed all the small details.

“I’m not flirting.” He admitted, almost pouting at that.

“You know me.” You finally made eye contact, tilting your head to slightly rest on your shoulder. “You know I don’t mess around on patrol. So, what is it that you want?”

“Am I not allowed to check on my coworker that I haven’t seen in nearly two months?” He left you silent.

It’s true, you hadn’t spoken to him or really anyone in quite sometime. You really did disappear from your friends. You abandoned them all to focus on your career as an aspiring hero. It had been your dream since you were little to become a hero—it didn’t have to be number one, but you were hoping at least top ten. Right now, you were eighteen in the charts; it didn’t sit right with you. You knew you had to push yourself, otherwise all that work the Hero Commission poured into you would be for nothing.

“Am I not allowed to have some alone time?” You spat after a minute of deep thought. All he did was stare at you within that time frame. Hawks examined your face, trying to understand your current mindset. Had you gone rogue? Were you depressed? Was it too much for you? He couldn’t tell.

“You can, but, seriously, it’s like you dropped off the face of the Earth.” Hawks wore a concerned look. He moved his hand closer to yours, your pinkies almost touching. “No one has seen you—not unless you’re fighting a villain or just so happen to catch you at the right moment at your agency. It’s concerning (Y/N).”

His facial expression contorted to one of sympathy. Hawks’ fingers twitched before gently placing his hand atop of yours. You let out a small sigh, trying not to look the hero in the eye. You removed your hand from the cement, running your hand through your hair in distress. He noticed your odd lack of your usual touchiness.

“They’ve just been scheduling me for nightly patrols more, y’know?” Your eyes scanned the sky, watching birds take flight through the grey distant clouds. “It’s nothing serious.”

The redness in your eyes told a different story. You hadn’t been getting much sleep. Hawks could see a difference in your gaze. Your eyes used to hold so much light, covered with a glossy finish. It used to look like you were always about to cry, even though you were the most emotionally constipated person Hawks had probably ever met.

Hawks admired your ability to control your emotions, setting them aside in the most difficult situations. But now, he was getting antsy and frustrated with your responses.

“I know you’re lying.” He admitted, drafting out a heavy breath. You froze, your heart rate picking up ever so slightly. Hawks could tell, he could see the guilt ridden all over your face. “You’ve been requesting nights only. Your front desk lady told me so.”

Dammit Denice. You took note that her pay would be getting cut and to have a long talk with her about your wishes. Whatever happened to secrecy in this society? Yeah, Hawks wasn’t just someone of the community, but that included the Number Two hero when you swore her to keep her mouth shut.

“I find it more peaceful at night.”

“That’s when most crimes happen. Doesn’t seem very peaceful to me.” Hawks snorted. The light breeze hit his gold tresses, messing up his hair (making it even more messy than it already was). He scooted closer to you, “C’mon, I miss our patrols. Remember? We’d always schedule to be together.”

Of course you remembered, how could you not? You and Hawks would almost always be seen together. If there was one of you, best believe the other was somewhere close by. You almost smiled at the fond memories that were shattered by your poor decision making. You ruined it for yourself.

You could admit, it was unjust of you to “ghost” everyone. Hell, you were having a mental crisis, straining your health to become a top hero while juggling your social life. But at what cost if the rankings hadn’t budged in weeks? Was it worth it at this point?

Hawks noticed the solemn look on your face, trying to find a way to make you feel better. He didn’t know what to say or how to approach you. Clearly, you didn’t want to be touched or bothered at all, but he wanted to talk to you. Hawks needed to. It was hard not seeing you for months, but now it was even more difficult. You were standing right in front of him and he could tell there wasn’t anything for him to do.

“Things change, Hawks.” You shrugged, sadness and regret creeping into your tone. Your guts threatened to spill from your mouth. You wanted to say more—something else, but you didn’t know what. You hated being put on the spot.

You swung your legs over the ledge, your feet finally touching solid ground. You repositioned yourself to lean comfortably against the wall that Hawks remained seated on. You crossed your arms, demonstrating the awkwardness you brought to the conversation.

Hawks heart shrunk in size at the sound of his hero name coming from you. Of course, you were on the job. Even then, you guys used to be unprofessional and speak each other’s names like they were forbidden fruits. Now, strictly Hero names? It was foreign to him. So much had changed and he hated it.

Little did Hawks know, he was part of the problem.

As much as you denied it, there was something between you and the winged hero. Something beyond friendship; it was evident to everyone around you. Hawks would always make silly advances at you, offering to take you on dates, to sleepover, try to be around you as much as possible. You secretly adored it, but couldn’t risk a relationship getting in the way of your career path.

The pain and hardship you would endure throughout your time as a Pro Hero had already begun taking a toll on you. You didn’t want to add anymore weight on your shoulders. At least, that’s what your mind was telling you. Your heart spoke differently. You wanted his attention, you wanted to come home to him, to be there for him whenever he needed. It was far more complicated than that when you’re risking your life everyday.

“I miss you.” Hawks blurted. He wanted to keep his cool, laid back demeanor afloat, but it was faltering with the foreseeable outcome of this conversation. It was going nowhere near the direction he had hoped.

“What do you want me to say?” Your voice rose. The blonde was completely shattered. The pang in his chest only growing, threatening to burst from under his skin. Hawks couldn’t pinpoint what he felt in that moment. Anger? Anguish? Heartache? All he knew was that it pained him in a way words couldn’t begin to describe.

You pushed away from the ledge, starting to walk away before he could respond. You had heard enough for one night. You were already hard on yourself, you didn’t need a scolding from someone you deeply cared about.

Hawks got off the ledge, speed walking to catch up to you. He caught your wrist in his hand. You whipped your head around, forcing your gaze to meet his. The shadows of the building covered his features, making him seem like an ominous illusion. His grip tightened only slightly, you tried to wriggled your hand free.

“Do you ever lay off?” You snapped. “Hop off my dick, Hawks.”

Now, this, wasn’t how he remembered you. Maybe he was still caught onto the thin strings tethered back to the “old” you, but he didn’t just feel heartbroken. Hawks felt heated at your words.

“No.”

“”No”? “No” what, Hawks?” The way you spat his name—no, his hero name in a bitter rage. A flame ignited inside of him, he didn’t know what to call it as the heat began to swallow his insides whole. It burned his throat, tickling the tip of his tongue. He watched as you aggressively quirked a brow at him.

In one swift motion, Hawks pulled you closer to him, causing you to stumble over your own feet. He scooped you into his arms, coddling you against his chest.

“W-What’re you doing?”

With no answer coming from his mouth, Hawks’ wings stretched from his back before taking to the sky. You looked over your shoulder to see the ground beneath you distance itself.

“Hawks, let me go.” You looked back at him panicked. He could feel your body trembling from the height you were at. Once you were high enough in the air, he started to fly faster, away from the building. Your breathing quickened, “Put me down!”

“If you won’t talk, then I’ll force it out of you, (Y/N).” Hawks glanced down at you before dipping lower from the sky. The speed you flew out was dangerous. You tried closing your eyes, afraid of the view, but you couldn’t when you heard cars honking from beside you.

Hawks had flown into traffic, maneuvering between the colorful vehicles of the city. It wasn’t everyday you would see the Number Two hero of Japan risking his life for fun, especially with another.

People thought he had lost his mind, and you were beginning to think that too.

Coming to a stop light, Hawks swerved up into the air. The strong wind messing up the front of your hair, swirling the strands into a knotted mess. Your grip tightened around Hawks. You refused to look down at the people below you.

Some civilians were taking photos and videos, hoping to receive clout for the two heroes they captured together.

“What do you want me to say? Just put me down, Keigo!” You demanded, your voice cracking. You pressed yourself as close as possible into Hawks’ chest, the fur of his coat ticking your face.

“Now, we’re getting somewhere.” He stopped midair, the sound of his large wings flapping continuously. It was the only thing keeping you from falling, the only thing keeping you alive at this very moment. You were at about the same height as the hospital building next to you. If you fell, at least that was there. “Don’t think I’ll let you off so easily, (Y/N). It’s not what I want to hear, it’s about you telling the truth.”

“You want the truth?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?” You could hear his tone dripping with sarcasm. You didn’t have to look up at him to know he was wearing a smug look on his face.

“Hawks—“ You started.

“And we’re back to square one.” Hawks let out a heavy sigh. You could feel his hands start to loosen on your body and panic shook you. You clung onto him, refusing to let go. A chuckle escaped his lips, “So clingy.”

That comment pissed you off. Clingy? You were being clingy? What you were doing was trying not to die. But if he wanted to fan the flames, you could too.

You let go, rolling out of Hawks’ arms and free falling in the air. The blonde was in shock, mouth agape as he watched your body play against gravity for three seconds. Then it clicked. He dove after you.

One thing was your Quirk was not meant for flying or falling. Hawks knew that very well. And how dare he test you, especially on a day you were feeling very ballsy. Of course, you knew Hawks would never let anything happen to you. However, you were starting to get worried the longer you went without a certain Hero’s touch.

The sounds of pedestrians shouting increasingly grew louder. Horns of cars passing by multiplied between each second. You closed your eyes, waiting for the inevitable death to hit you hard as you splatter against the concrete; guts and all. You could imagine the headline of the newspaper already: ‘NO. 18 HERO FALLS TO DEATH—embarrassing for her’.

Suddenly, you felt the warmth of a strong pair of arms’ embrace and hot breath on your neck. The heavy breathing of you and Hawks colliding with one another as he looked at you in disbelief.

“You’re fucking crazy!” Hawks yelled, not out of anger, but surprise. Before you could respond, he mustered what little strength he had left and flew you both to an all-too-familiar balcony; his balcony.

He gently placed you on the cold floor of his picturesque high rise balcony. His heavy boots hit the ground, sending a sound of discontent throughout the atmosphere. Hawks, distressfully, ran his fingers through his hair, looking in the opposite direction of you.

You spoke, in an unusual calm tone, “We can’t be here. We’re supposed to be on pa—“

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Hawks stalked toward you, slamming his heavy duty boots against the ground. It sent chills down your spine how aggressive he was and how unnerved he looked. He grabbed your shoulders, forcing you to meet his gaze, “(Y/N), you could’ve fucking died.”

The crazed look in Hawks’ eyes made you uneasy yet prideful. You didn’t know you had that effect on him. Then again, he would’ve felt the same for anyone else left in his care. Oh, but how wrong you were about that.

“But I didn’t,” Your brows narrowed as you spoke in a stern tone. Hawks maneuvered hush body to be at complete eye level with you, making the scene feel even more intense. Whiplash was playing in your chest cavity, the tempo increasing with every passing second. You swallowed, “and I know you wouldn’t have let it happen.”

“Don’t ever do that again.” This was a simple slap on the wrist compared to what Hawks was thinking. He lowered his head, taking a look at the ground. He inhaled, smelling the soil that rot in his makeshift garden. Hawks lifted his gaze, finding you watching his vulnerable state.

“Don’t you do that again. You know how much I hate flying.” You lightly pushed away from him, taking a step back until your back almost hit the glass entrance to his apartment.

Hawks followed you, taking a large step forward, leaving about two feet of space between your bodies. You could practically feel the leftover anxiety radiating off of him. Regardless, Hawks maintained his cool guy demeanor as he talked, “Well, I wouldn’t have if you had just answered my question.”

“I don’t owe you an explanation.” You pointed, your index finger hitting his chest. His rock hard chest. You never really took the time until now to admire his physique. Yeah, it was almost like every other hero’s, but it was the way he presented himself. He hid beneath his large coat, only revealing the compression shirt that hugged his upper half so fittingly. You were a little shocked the first time it was revealed to you.

“You’d give one if your really cared.”

“If I really cared?” With raised brows, you crossed your arms over your chest. “Really? You’re gonna pull that crap on me?”

Hawks mimicked your movements, the sound of his coat shuffling filled your ears. If the warm jacket hadn’t been covering him, you could only imagine the flex of his biceps with the simple gesture.

“You got in my way.” You finally caved, earning a confused look from the winged hero. “You-You have always been in my way. Ever since we graduated from the stupid Hero Commission together.”

You stuttered, not because you were nervous, but the frustration building up from trying to understand the big feelings that were being unveiled.

“(Y/N), what do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean, Keigo?” More emotion crept into your small outburst, begging to be unleashed. You avoided eye contact with him, looking anywhere but his soft, pink lips. “Something about you. You’re stuck in my head. I-It’s like I can’t get you out.”

“I—“ Hawks started, you placed a finger over his mouth to cut him off.

“I’m not done.” You retracted your finger slowly, ensuring he would let you go on with your rant. You were finally starting to come to terms with what was brewing inside you and you didn’t want him to ruin it; even if you were making somewhat of a fool of yourself. “You annoy me, even when you aren’t around. And you make me feel…balked? I can’t understand why I feel this way and it eats at me. Anytime I’m alone, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Addicted. That was the word you were looking for. You felt addicted to him. Not by the way he made you feel, but him in general. The way his smile would instantly brighten a gloomy afternoon or how he actually cared. The way he cared for you was like nothing you had ever experienced before. You didn’t like it. You didn’t understand what was goin on in your mind or heart, it was a jumbled mess of intricate affections waiting to be fished out by you.

“I don’t understand.” Your hands flew at your head, dramatically grabbing your hair as you sighed in frustration. “Something about you.”

Hawks couldn’t bare to listen to any more of your babbling. He already knew what you were trying to say, but could tell you were having a (painfully) hard time to piece together the puzzle of sentiments.

The blonde took one step and it was over. It was as if his body moved on its own. Hawks closed the gap between you two, his thumb lightly grazing your cheek and the other making way to your waist as he indulged in your kiss of life. The flavor of sweet summer’s finest peach coated his lips, making him want more. Your lips molded perfectly together.

You allowed it to happen, you hadn’t realized that this is what you wanted. This is what you needed all along to figure out what was “wrong” with you. You lifted your arms, placing them gently around his neck, running your fingers through his hair in the back. All of your worries fluttered away, however, you could feel something new. Butterflies flapping their little wings as they made way around your stomach, tickling your insides.

Finally (sadly), you both pulled away. Bewilderment filled both your eyes. It was clear Hawks was just as surprised as you were. His mouth was slightly agape while his hands lingered your body. Hawks’ calloused fingers ran along your arm, making way to your finger tips.

He tried to hide his look of sultry with one of charm, “Does that solve your dilemma?”

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A/N: it’s so rushed, i’m sorry. i just HAD to post this right now. it’s been sitting in my drafts for a good week or so.

[lovebvni]

mindset of manifestation & how i manifest

like melanie martínez, i am back from the dead.

i apologize for being gone so long, but i needed a break from tumblr. i saw toxicity swirling in the community, my life got busy, and i decided it was just time for a break. when i was planking to come back, i just saw how things got terrible and i got upset and decided not to come back.

so, im back now and with a little tutorial on how i manifest!!! <3 i hope this can help some of you out.

let’s start with background.

manifesting is kind of like predicting the future. you have something you want to happen, then it happens soon after. i feel like this is the easiest way to get into the manifestation mindset. you cannot change what you’re getting if you want it. could you change your mind later and return it like a package? yes! but before it arrives, you know it’s arrival is coming.

sure, there can be delays, but it all is going to turn out YOUR way in the end.

nile and i have been working on our mindset and this is something they wrote that i think can be really helpful — as it was to me.

from the past two years we have been actively manifesting, we learned that we often saw things as “crazy”. but manifesting isn’t crazy, it’s quite normal.

every time you get dressed in the morning, it’s an act of manifestation. you’re showing up with what you want.

manifestation is a mondane activity!! stop treating it like it was a kiss from an angel!

by reading this, you’re manifesting your eyes working, you’ve used your hands to open an app, and you have believed you can read and get through this blog! without manifesting that, you would not be here.

the first step to manifestation is believing you can do it, believing you have done it, and believing you will continue to do it. period.

there are many MANY different ways to manifest, but i manifest in 3 ways (sometimes i use all three, sometimes i use just 1 or 2.)

!! I ALMOSR FORGOT TO PUT THIS AND IM ADDING IT BEFORE I GET TO NUMBER 2 OMG!!

STOP! BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE I WANT YOU TO GET A NOTEBOOK, A SHEET OF PAPER, OR MAKE A CHECKLIST ON YOUR PHONE IN YOUR NOTES APP!!!

now i want you to write down everything you want right now down and leave the boxes blank if you haven’t gotten them yet.

once you get through that, i want you to randomly click between some of the items you want and write down things you wanted that you did get! they can be some simple and things from years ago, what matters is you have them down. throw in some things that you may have to do for school or work while you’re at it.

here’s an example! (left is before checking off, right is after)

as you can see, i added a note to the side because i got what i wanted and more abundantly! i had been manifesting a dog since i was a young child, and in 2021, i got 2!!!! (one is laying at my feet right now <3)

continue to do this daily, weekly, or whatever you have time for. i personally do this on notion and i try to add something new daily (im adding the heartstopper thing rn!!)

but yeah!! write everything u want down, and continue to add to it, just so u can see progress DOES happen and your work and effort DOES pay off!

affirming and persisting

this id the first way i learned to manifest, and the most self-explanatory.

you simply repeat what you want over and over until you get it! but not in the future tense, in the current or past tense.

ex; “i passed my maths final!”, “im so happy my boyfriend gave me those roses for valentine’s day, he’s so sweet!”, “i finished the essay for english like a week before it was due!” “i got the lead role in my play! im so excited!” etc.

now, the common factor between all of these is having a positive mindset about them. i cannot tell you HOW many times i manifested something would go well, and right before they happened, i got in a shitty mind space and wondered if it would ever happen.

but, nonetheless, i persisted through and i got what i wanted.

the pain have have been feeling cant compare to the joy that is coming. Romans 8:18

persisting is basically pushing through. think about the time you didn’t think you would make it through an injury, a school year, a trial, yet you still walked through it — even if it was slow.

like when work days are long and you want to go home, but you can’t, so you persist.

i try to think of my manifestations as an ultimatum. it’s going to happen, and that’s final. the only thing you have to do to get it is stay conscious.

and staying conscious, walking through those days, is how you get to the end!

i use affirming and persisting with pretty much everything, which is why it was first.

2. listening to subs.

it’s that simple — listen to an audible subliminal that has the results you want over and over!! that’s all i do u guys. here’s my playlist if u want it (IF I DELETE IT CHECK MY PINNED POST!! I UPDATE IT OFTEN)

i often use @stilljuststardust’s subs, slade’s subs, enchanted workshops’ subs and i want it, i got it’s subs!

all of them are trusted and credible. i cannot promise you that all the subs in my playlist will work for you, as they are (sometimes) linked to my personal desires.

3. pinterest manifestation!!

i recommend having either a whole pinterest account or a board set aside for this way of manifestation.

you simply make boards (or sections) for things you want. i would say this is best for physical items, people, looks, makeup, etc. things that re physically tangible, rather than something like reality shifting (although i do have a reality shifting board! it has been working pretty well <3)

i also have one for my mindset, my religion, so on and so forth (link btw)

i think this is pretty self explanatory. just save picture of things you want and quotes/affirmations and DONE!

i also use this sub with it :p it’s worked WONDERSSS!

if you have any other questions i will be happy to answer them!! i love you all!! go manifest!!

[punkpandapatrixk]

🌟Blessings to Expect throughout 2024 ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

‘You’re always here. What are you doing?’

‘Nothing…nothing in particular.’

‘You’re Saibara’s grandson, right? Aren’t you working at the Blacksmith shop?’

‘I’m not interested in that. I want to go back to the city.’

‘Oh… I came from the city, too. My dad moved the family to this village because he was going to study plants. I felt lonely at first. But the people here are all very kind.’

‘I don’t feel lonely. But I can’t find what I want to do in this village.’

‘What is it you want that you can’t find here?’

‘Well, it’s…oh, nothing…’

‘My mother always says that if you can’t find what you want to do, then do what you can see to do now. Nobody finds what they want immediately. But if you waste your time every day because of that, you’ll never find anything... To tell you the truth, I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet, either. See you.’

— Mary and Gray’s conversation from Harvest Moon: Back To Nature

SONG: Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland

MOVIE: The Wizard of Oz (1939)

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Welcoming Love, True Love

VIBE: Ready for Your Love (feat. MNEK) by Gorgon City

end of a struggle – King of Swords

You’ve been incredibly and marvellously responsible for…quite a number of years, I think? For some of you maybe a couple of months or so. But your struggles have ended; nearing ending; or you just haven’t realised yet how everything has changed for the better now. If you take a moment to really notice yourself, I’m sure you can tell just how much clearer you’ve become about many things pertaining to your surrounding and sense of Self. I feel you’ve worked really hard to overcome excessive trauma noises that have caused you a great deal of psychological pain.

Starting this year, you can feel more confident in your intellectual capacity to gauge situations right in front of you. Making choices will be a lot easier now because you’re clear about who you are as a person and what it is you truly want out of your own existence. You’ve clearly set enough boundaries with those who didn’t have your best interest. Seems to me you’ve learnt the hard way to be more selfish in the spirit of self-preservation. And so, the adventure of a lifetime begins right this moment.

In fact, I feel like your entire Life up until this point has been quite the adventure—only it has been filled with sorrow and misery, sorta. Surely it was your Hero’s Journey taking shape for the early chapters of your Life’s Story. A slow burn of a lifetime, if you will. Beginning this year, you’re entering the most exciting part of your rise to glory and everlasting happiness!

in your favour – 8 of Pentacles

You’ve been hustling behind the scenes for the most part. At least, those who aren’t close to you will never know just how much work you’ve put into bettering your world from the inside out. You worked so much on your mindset; you must’ve exercised a lot, too; tried to eat more cleanly and healthily; worked on your glow-up; brushed your skills; etc. You were investing in yourself for the future vision you’ve always held close to your heart. And for that reason, the seeds are now blooming.

You’re making me think of the bamboo plant. Did you know that a bamboo seedling takes around 5-7, maybe even 8-10, years to gestate underground? All alone in the dark without anyone knowing what’s going on down there. And when the seedling shoots up to the surface, the bamboo plant is famous for being the fastest growing plant there ever is.

So yeah~ fast or no fast in your mind, the point is that you’ve done the work on yourself and all the plans you’ve ever had for your Life. This year, 2+0+2+4=8, is the year you reap all the rewards and grow even faster from where you are now. Whatever undertaking you begin this year will gain traction super fast! Pat yourself on the back because when things get super good, you deserve to take a small break and just enjoy how far you’ve come~! Breathe~

catching stars – Page of Wands

Your Story is totally far from finished. With the Page aenergy—a kid’s aenergy—you’re only on the precipice of entering a Life of passion and purpose. You could almost say, it’s a new Story altogether just because this chapter of your Life is SO SO SO super good in comparison to the chapters about your struggles. I guess you’d call this a new arc huehue

You’re young Hercules now. Pretty soon, there will occur some big event that propels you into a bona fide hero, and then, you’ll meet your Megara~ This part of your Story is where you enter a circle of true—at least truer—friends and lovers who will motivate you throughout the next chapters of your Life. Sure, sure, struggles don’t just end, poof, like that and you will continuously need to learn to sift through these new breeds of friends and acquaintances. But that’s also part of your next level growing up, so don’t sweat the possibilities XD

Throughout 2024, you could be moving to a new environment and then meet new friends. Highkey you’re gonna be meeting Soulmates and Soul Fam members; these are the people who resemble you so much either on the inside or outside. These are people who think like you, care about the same things as you; basically you’re gonna finally feel like you truly belong somewhere on this Planet. Love is in the air because you’ve been giving so much Love to yourself before this point. You are Love. You emanate Love wherever you go because you love yourself, and thus you become a magnet for people who also will love you just as good~

APPLE STRUDEL🔻💛

honey lemon juice – Silver Magus (Merlin)

have a sweet time, honey – Priestess of Love

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Rising Up to Accept Yourself Wholly

VIBE: She Said from Kamikaze Girls

end of a struggle – Knight of Cups

You’ve kinda just gone through a death of a paradigm of sort. I feel that in the past, you simply didn’t really know who you were or what you were meant to be. This confusion of an identity was caused by your parents/caretakers not really appreciating you for who you were as a child or it could also be caused by your environment, race, culture, custom, tradition, stuff like that. It wasn’t your fault, you know. You literally grew up on your own and finally got clear about your own identity—you stopped caring if your real identity is too weird, too eccentric for this world.

Basically, you got tired of rejecting yourself. And you realised that you were doing that because you knew others wouldn’t accept you. Then you realised people are shitty and lame for the most part anyway, so you learnt to be OK with embracing all of your weird heart’s little desires. And you nurtured yourself and nurtured yourself until you rose above the lameness of most of Humanity. Did you know? You did the right thing, really. Through and through.

You’re definitely an Advanced Soul. I think even when you were a kid you always felt like there was some spirit/shadow parental figure walking behind you, guiding your thought processes. This older/bigger unseen figure was really just your own Higher Self, you know :D More than others would give you credit for, you’ve been such a good gal/boi for always listening to the guidance of your Higher Self~

in your favour – 3 of Pentacles

Beginning this year, you’re going to finally meet people who are similar to you. Similar as in, you’re going to meet a lot of colourful characters, really. People who also feel somewhat like society’s outcast. These people are going to come from various backgrounds and they will each have very interesting back stories and life experiences that will entertain you for a long time. These people could also have very strange, unusual hobbies that will spark your interest in new, alien pursuits.

With that said, this year could be the year you begin a new passion project of your own, with these people, new friends, you share a vision with. They do care about you and want to succeed together, so you can trust that these connections are going to bear sweet feelings for you. Most importantly, this year you’re going to know the sweet feeling of doing something meaningful with your natural talents born out of your innate interests. When you finally get the money, you will first and foremost taste gratitude from those who seem to love and enjoy what you do or have to offer~

Life really is getting better now because you’ve mustered the courage to explore your possibilities in all your eccentricity. Your Higher Self never meant for you to fit in anyway. You were always meant to be some sort of a genius trailblazer—a source of inspiration for the other lameass Humans who are too afraid to be themselves.

catching stars – 10 of Pentacles

What more can be said? On top of embracing yourself fully, loving yourself wholeheartedly, and meeting kindred spirits, you’re also going to gain a massive amount of money! Life’s always good when you have a lot of money! More money means a happier heart and more to share as well. But in your case, if you’ve chosen this Pile as your main pile, know that before a lot of money even trickles into your reality, it is the sense that you’re serving your Life Purpose what will make you feel rich.

After all, there could people reading this who came from a wealthy background and you may think you don’t crave or even care about money. Exactly. You never cared about a lack of money but didn’t you struggle with grounding yourself to this Reality because you didn’t know what you were put on Earth to do? This ‘10 of Pentacles sense of abundance’ encompasses a sense of material abundance that feels deserving; you can now feel worthy of getting paid for some passionate, incredible, show-stopping contribution you’ve made to society. Isn’t that such a wonderful feeling?

Some of you reading this could mend some broken bonds with family; some others could finally find a tribe—a Soul Family—and feel that you belong; some could start a family of your own with someone worthy of your high-grade affection. Congratulations~! You’ve really made it this far~ Things can only get better and better from here♥︎

APPLE STRUDEL🔻💗

honey lemon juice – Green Historian (Herodotus)

have a sweet time, honey – Priestess of Patience

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Pile 3 – Stepping On the Pedestal of Destiny

VIBE: Cheer Up, Charlie from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

end of a struggle – King of Pentacles

If you’ve chosen this as your main pile, I just know it that you’ve been working so hard on yourself, on a level that’s practically incomprehensible for most people. I’m sure you’ve survived so many deaths of the spirit—and perhaps even some of the more dramatic attempts. And you’ve come on top of your misery now. You’ve gotten healthier and clearer about where you’re going next. I sense sometimes you still doubt yourself but it isn’t a sin to doubt, it’s just a sign that you want to do well. And on so many levels, sometimes you’re afraid because you genuinely want this dream/vision to happen to you.

I assure you with this reading that you’re on the fast track towards a rendezvous with Destiny. Fast…is honestly relative to each Soul’s blueprint tho XD Time is on your side and what’s meant for you can’t miss you. So chillax, OK? One thing to know about this great dream/vision of yours is that you’re going to see it manifest because you’re different from the rest. Different in that you want to see it manifest to be of service to the rest! When you really think about it…

Don’t you just know from deep within your Soul that you’re deserving of this great destiny? It’s because you’re going to serve a massive purpose with it! So many people would benefit from your realising this dream. And that’s the very thing! You’ve been holding on to this vision, and you want it, because you’re MEANT for it.

in your favour – 4 of Cups

I’ll be referencing the 1971 ver. of Willy Wonka here. And honestly, I think you should watch it by the weekend or something because that movie’s whole vibe will feel tremendously validating to you, I sense hahah

Have you heard of the theories that say Charlie was literally singled out by Willy Wonka from the very beginning? That he had chosen all of those horrible brats because he wanted to punish, oops, teach them a lesson, and that principally he had been watching Charlie and wanted HIM to inherit the Chocolate Factory. If you watch the 1971 film you’ll literally get it! And with this 4 of Cups, know that that’s how the Universe feels about you stepping into your destiny. Willy Wonka, or God idk, doesn’t want anybody else but YOU to fulfil this role~!

You’ve literally been chosen and singled out by the Universe to win the grand prize! Just so you know, as I’m typing these words I literally have the Willy Wonka movie playing on another window and as I typed ‘grand prize’, the person in the movie is saying it right at the same time at around the 19:11 minute mark. Things can’t get any more synchronous than that!🤯

This year, you’ll really see how every single thing is going to work out in your favour. And knowing the inner work you’ve done on yourself, I’m sure you’re spiritually mature enough to sense, to notice every small nudge that tells you what you need to do at a given time😊New adventures are just around the corner, baby~!

catching stars – 5 of Pentacles

So you see, how is 5 of Pentacles appearing for a segment about you catching stars? This is, in fact, reaffirming that your dream come true will also serve as a salve for those who are wounded and hurting. You really are a medicine for this sick world. This year, you’re going to see serendipitous events and meetings what will open the door towards the physical manifestation of your dream Reality. Once you step on to the pedestal of Destiny, there’s no stopping you. You’ll be moving so fast it drives you mad!

This card is also saying you must be careful of possible leeches coming towards you; it’s best to use caution and discernment when revealing to others your plans and goals. Be stingy with information as per your gut instinct’s nudges, OK? Be mature enough to know not everybody will be happy at the prospect of your massive success that could potentially change Mankind. People get envious of such ideas, alright? Be careful not to hit the already low self-esteem of some people around you LMAO

I also feel that this year you will begin new routines that benefit your health and physical strength. If this is something you’ve been working on, you will see this year that the implementation of these routines feels more natural and effortless. You’ve managed to master your thoughts, emotions, and time management—or soon to do. Money will also come more abundantly, so all your basic needs are easily met. You’ve become a magnet for good luck—or soon to notice you’ve done so!🍀

APPLE STRUDEL🔻🧡

honey lemon juice – Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)

have a sweet time, honey – Priestess of Innocence

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[chrollogy]

teaser. EXERCISE ROUTINE

miya atsumu x f!reader

── next: i. Mystery man in Paris | series masterlist

synopsis: During a press conference with MSBY Black Jackals, Atsumu admits something rather brazenly.

content warning: suggestive themes, atsumu may be an idiot

word count: 567

notes: ok ok i couldn’t help but write a lil teaser for this upcoming series hehe divider: cafekitsune.

The continuous bright, flashing lights from cameras pointed to his face made Atsumu’s eyes a tad dry. Currently sat before a heap of journalists, photographers, and reporters, the blonde eagerly bounced his leg beneath the table—sure, media sessions were occasionally enjoyable but most of the time, it was boring; Atsumu held back his yawn a couple of times or else he wouldn’t hear the end of it from the media.

Low chatter, and audible shutter sounds from cameras filled the room, most questions were directed to Meian, which Atsumu had no complaints about—he’d rather be sitting there getting his candid photos taken than answer the same old recycled questions from journalists. It was always about strategies, routines, and team mindsets.

Atsumu would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit to his mind cheekily wandering over to you. He was more than curious about your day—were you cooped up in your little studio writing lyrics? Were you getting you hair done at some high end salon? Or were you also stuck in a monotonous promotional activity? Nonetheless, Atsumu hoped you were holding up better than he was. Clearly, he’d trade this for your presence right now.

“This question is actually for Miya Atsumu,” At that, his ears perked up, back straightening as the attention of the room shifted over to the team’s setter. “Seeing as you’re given ample time just before the Olympics, do you also train outside of your regular schedule during off season? What does that routine look like for you?”

Atsumu subtly shifted in his seat, briefly scanning the crowd to find the journalist before leaning to speak into the microphone situated atop the table, “Oh, yeah definitely. Even though the off season gives me enough time ta reconnect, and relax, I also like ta challenge myself a bit mostly with strength, and mobility trainin’—all that sorta stuff.”

“What about cardio? I know endurance plays a crucial role for volleyball players.” “Cardio? Yeah I do alotta that too. All sorts of it, ya’ll just have ta ask my girlfriend about it.”

Atsumu shot a cheeky wink to the ENG camera at the back of the room before leaning into his seat, a smug smile painted over his handsome face. His suggestive response caused a small commotion from his teammates, and the audience—hushed whispers, and shocked expressions were exchanged amongst journalists whereas his fellow teammates could only side eye, and nudge him.

God, Atsumu hoped you were watching the live broadcast, he could already imagine how your pretty face would look all flustered at his idiotic response—the thought made him chuckle.

And you were.

You were merely using it as white noise while testing out instrumental tracks, not really paying attention to any of the athlete’s answers until Atsumu’s dulcet voice spilled from the speakers of your phone. A small smile crept up your lips at his casual answer but that was until that idiotic response of his. All sorts of cardio? Ask my girlfriend? What the fuck was running through his mind? Your cheeks warmed at his bold reply but you also didn’t hesitate to shoot him a lengthy message about how foolish his words were.

Great. You could already see yours, and Atsumu’s name headlined in the entertainment news about how he uses sex as a form of cardio workout—as if your names plastered side by side haven’t been in the limelight enough.

—

taglist (open)

affiliated with @houseofsolisoccasum !

© chrollogy 2024 | don’t plagiarise, repost or steal my gif.

[2rats1gogh]

I’ve said the same thing before. Rhaenyra didn’t even want children. Right before her betrothal to Laenor because of the brothel, she was telling Alicent that she didn’t want to be cooped up in the castle forced to pump out heirs. So what changed in the next half year? (Because Jace is 10 he had to have been conceived shortly after the wedding) She couldn’t conceive with Laenor, but having obvious bastards wasn’t the only option. She could’ve chosen one of Laenor’s relatives BUT another option is she could’ve named Aegon her heir and lived life as she wanted in that aspect. Aegon is a Targaryen, he’s her blood brother, he’s legitimate. At the time he was and innocent toddler, not involved in anything. He wasn’t a drunk or a rapist, he wasn’t her antagonist.

She just didn’t want Alicent’s son to inherit anything even if it meant he would inherit from her, after her. She didn’t consider him a brother, her father’s son or a real Targaryen.

This has been bothering me for a long time now. When I started watching the show I knew nothing about the actual Dance and haven’t read Fire&Blood. And when I first saw Rhaenyra I was like “yo, she doesn’t want kids, she would much rather be a warrior fighting on the battlefield than being forced to get married and have children” and I was so invested in her as a character because she also had that mindset for her entire life up until the biggest timeskip. And then we suddenly see her giving birth to her third (!) child. I was so confused.

Why was she having all these bastard children so soon? What about all that “fighting on the battlefield”?? Now I know that it was just a stupid addition by the creators that was later on forgotten about.

And also, you’re so right about her naming Aegon heir. Like, literally. Imo it was the best solution. Marry whoever you want, have children if you want, and if you don’t want to, just don’t have any. Just name Aegon your heir. She would literally solve sooo many problems.

a) No need to have children to secure your position + no need to put your obviously bastard children at risk

b) Aegon is still your blood, your half-brother, and a prince with a legitimate claim. Not some random guy out of nowhere.

c) The Targaryens still get to keep their last name even after you

d) Everyone is happy (except Daemon probably but who cares, fuck that guy Corlys but he can go fuck himself OR if he really wanted, he could’ve arranged the marriage of Baela/Rhaena to Aegon)

And if that wasn’t the option, the only explanation is she just hated Alicent and that is, well, on her honesty.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Back on my analysis nonsense but not quite awake enough to write a full essay right now so please enjoy this snippet of analysis about Inej, language, and the word “girl”. It’s all stuff I’ve talked about before but I haven’t given it’s own post before and I’ve been rereading some of my old stuff to get back in the mindset so I thought I’d bring this back up because I find it really interesting - I’m also really hoping to write the post about Fruszi that I’ve been planning on doing for basically since season 2 came out tomorrow or at least very soon so hopefully that won’t be too long

Inej Ghafa, Language, and the Word “Girl”

⚠️As always in my analyses, constant spoilers ahead!! 🖤

⚠️I’m going to talk about Inej’s trauma and her ptsd, and this post will also possibly include references to the other characters’ trauma and ptsd as well

Hi okay it’s been a while since we did this and I realise it’s probably the reason most of you follow me so sorry about that but let’s jump right in - I often say it’s after midnight and I’m thinking about Soc so let’s talk but today I actually have to say it’s almost midnight and I’m thinking about Six of Crows, so let’s talk: Inej’s internalised misunderstanding of the Kerch word for “girl”.

In the Bathroom Scene during Crooked Kingdom (which I have a full analysis posted of if anyone would like to read it; I can tag you or you can follow the link in my pinned post), we see Inej at the point she allows herself to be most vulnerable with another character. I think we forget this because we know much more about it than they do, but the other Crows know very little about what Inej went through at the Menagerie - Kaz himself in that very scene describes having “the barest inkling of what she’d endured there” - and previously when we’ve learnt anything about her experiences they have mostly been through flashbacks that Inej experienced during other events of the book. On the boat to Fjerda, in the surgeon’s cabin with Nina, Inej battles with flashbacks and insists Nina sing to her and teach her the chorus of the song to try and distract herself - Nina of course knows that something is going on, but only the reader is actually told what’s happening in Inej’s head - and when she has a flashback at Sweet Reef (the man who smelled of vanilla) she’s alone until Dunyasha arrives. This scene with Kaz is really the only time we see her express herself and, as openly as she can, attempt to speak about some extent of what she went through out loud. I’ve dissected a lot of what she says in this scene in the past and formed theories about it before, but I haven’t talked as much about this quote:

“Tante Heleen wasn’t always cruel”

After this introduction she goes on to explain the emotional abuse and manipulation that Heleen put her through, going so far as to specify that because endearment became something akin to danger she flinched the first time Nina hugged her, and she also mentions in the scene that sometimes when Jesper puts his arm around her she feels like she’s going to vanish. This particular description of Heleen has very strong parallels to descriptions of Van Eck’s abuse of Wylan, and though I don’t want to go into that in too much detail now bc I’ve talked about it before and how their parallels are what create a lot of the Wylan/Inej parallels I do think that it’s a relevant thing to mention as I bridge into the next quote I want to bring up; when Van Eck takes Inej captive and is claiming that he has treated her like this because this is what he know her to expect from her life experiences, she internally comments that he sounds like Heleen and we get a memory of this quote:

“Why do you make me do these things? You bring these punishments on yourself, girl”.

This obviously had very strong links to the way Van Eck abuses Wylan and teaches him to actively blame himself, which I’ve talked about in the last, but I also want to add that it’s so interesting when we see Heleen call Inej “girl” because she very rarely uses terms that don’t actively dehumanise her/any of the other children at the Menagerie. Of course the use of the epithet is still a big part of the way Inej was denied identity at the Menagerie, remember she audibly sobbed when Kaz said her real name out loud the night she left, but it doesn’t necessarily hold the same immediate, discomforting effect that other epithets Heleen uses, such as “little Lynx” (actively diminishing and dehumanising Inej whilst using an oxymoronic phrase to effectively imply that she is a tamed animal and even though she should be able to fight free she never will. As a side note linked to this, the word “little” is often used derogatorily towards Inej, most obviously by Heleen and Van Eck and most notably when she breaks his nose and he shouts “you little wretch! You little whore!” and she replies “go on Van Eck, tell me all the little things I am”). But I would actually argue that when Heleen uses the word “girl”, she intends it with all the same dehumanisation as she does “Lynx”.

Throughout Inej’s experiences in the duology, the word “girl” is used almost exclusively in two ways: 1) as an insult, 2) possessively. Whenever the children at the Menagerie are referred to as “girls” it is always in a possessive context, for example these quotes are the Ice Court Heist when Inej is wearing the Lynx silks:

“… in front of her girls”

“Your girl will be returned to you”

“Where is my girl?”

“That is not my girl”

And this is an ongoing theme throughout the books. However, the idea is most obviously presented in a quote by Inej herself, and this is where it quite truly breaks my heart:

“not really people, not even really girls.”

Okay I'm really tired and this post is already longer than I was planning so from this point forth everything in the quotation marks is directly taken from another post where I talked more briefly about this:

' As if “girls” and “people” are two separate entities. As if “girls” are not human. This is the language and the attitude that she was surrounded by at the Menagerie and is still surrounded by in the city, and what was forced upon her throughout her experiences in the country. But you know what else might be a genuinely horrifying little detail of this????? Inej may have actually taught herself that the words “people” and “girls” are not synonymous. Because when Inej was brought to Kerch she wasn’t fluent in the language, she spoke some of it and quickly learnt the rest through circumstance, so if this was the way she heard Kerch people use the word “girl” this is how she would internalise the definition of it. I hope this makes sense I’m not sure if I’m relating my thoughts very clearly, it’s kind of like how Matthias was forced to learn Kerch because he was in a Kerch prison so he doesn’t know words that would easily come to him in Fjerdan, like the snow goggles, but instead of simply having gaps Inej has actually learnt a false grammar system that defines “girl” as a dehumanising term because it means someone who is less than or someone who is property. '

I feel like I might have had something to add but if I did then I have forgotten it; if it return to me in the morning then I will return to add it but for now I am going to bid you all goodnight. Thank you for reading these mad ramblings and I hope they made some semblance of sense and/or were interesting <33

⚠️This is a theory and this is my personal literary interpretation; I am not saying that this is an intentional choice made by Leigh Bardugo, though it may be I have no idea, and I am not saying that you have to agree with me. Literary analysis is not about presenting one definitive answer, and if you have either differing interpretations or further points you’d like to add then please do as I would love to read them! <3

[woso-fan13]

Whumptober 2023: 24 (Arsenal)

No. 24: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule.”

Goodbye Note | Neglect | “I thought they were with you.”

Football has been everything for as long as you can remember. You were good when you were younger, and your parents kept pushing you to be better. It took sacrifices from all of you, but it made you a better player. It doesn’t matter if you missed out on birthday parties for training or if you never had time for a sleepover. If you wanted to be the best, this is what you had to do. 

Your parents were right, and your hard work paid off. At age 17, you signed with Arsenal’s first team. Just a month later, you made your debut. Every sacrifice was worth it at that moment. 

It didn’t stop there though, your parents continuing to push you. Extra training, early runs, it was all part of being the best. If you wanted to get better, you needed to pick apart every mistake you made. Real winners don’t make mistakes. 

—-

You adopted this mindset, continuously pushing yourself. You kept up with players older than you with ease, could control the ball without paying attention, could score a goal without looking. But it wasn’t enough. Because you still made mistakes. 

So you started working even harder. You stopped getting a coffee on your drive in in the morning, deciding that it made more sense to run to the stadium before practice. You stopped accepting invites from your teammates, using this time to train instead. You could almost always be found on the pitch or in the gym, only leaving overnight.

You had stopped eating as well as you should, scared to gain extra weight. It would slow you down, make you sloppy. You weren’t sleeping much, finding the quiet hours of the night were best filled with training. You avoided social media, you avoided your friends. Every part of you went to football. 

—-

“Hey, Y/N, can we talk?” Leah asks. 

She’s just finished her rehab for the day, making her way over to you on the pitch. You go to protest, but you see Jonas standing behind her. This doesn’t seem like a conversation you can get out of. 

“Can it wait until after practice?” you ask hopefully, “I don’t want to miss anything.”

Leah shakes her head, “nah, I don’t think you’ll miss anything. C’mon.”

You shoot Jonas a pleading look, begging him to talk Leah into pushing the conversation. He doesn’t say a word. Firing one last shot at the net, you nod. 

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Leah nods, waiting for you to grab a water bottle before leading you to an empty room. It’s not one you’re in frequently, it’s an old media room that was mostly used for storage now. But it had a comfortable sofa and was quiet, and Leah figured that was all you needed. 

Leah pops onto the sofa, motioning you over. Hesitantly, you take a seat on the other half. 

“Good,” Leah starts, “I want to start by saying that whatever we talk about stays in this room. Unless it’s a major concern, it’s between me and you.”

You nod, staying silent. 

“Okay. I was talking with some of the team and we’ve noticed that you’ve been acting differently. I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was alright, see if there was anything we could do to help.”

“I’m fine,” you instantly insist, “I’ve just been busy. Busy is good though, and I think I’ve been improving. If you look at a comparison from the last few games…”

“You’ve been playing very well,” Leah cuts you off, “but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m not worried about you as a teammate, I’m worried about you as a friend.”

You’re quiet, unsure as to what to say. 

“You’ve been here constantly, and you haven’t been hanging out with any of us. I just want you to know that if something is happening, I can help.”

“Everything’s fine, really. I’ve just been sloppy recently, but I’m working on it.”

It’s Leah’s turn to be quiet now, clearly trying to plan her next words carefully. 

“Would you be open to some advice?”

You nod instantly. 

“I’ve been doing this for a while, and I’ve seen a lot of good players. All of the best players, though, love what they do.”

“I do love football,” you interrupt passionately, “I do, I promise. It’s the most important thing in my life.”

“I think that’s the issue. Right now, you don’t love football, but it’s the most important thing in your life. Right now, it's more important than socializing, eating, and sleeping. You’re neglecting yourself to prioritize football. Do you see what the problem is?”

You’re fumbling for an answer, “if I loved football more, I would be even better?”

“Maybe,” Leah says simply, “if you keep going on this path, you might be the best.”

“That’s what I want.”

Ignoring you, Leah continues, “you might also fail. At this point, I’m not sure if your body or your mind is going to fail first. Honestly, it might be both. Then what’s left?”

“What are you talking about, Leah? Football’s important to me and I love it. I’m fine.”

You move to stand up, Leah’s hand stopping you. She asks one question, a question which will undoubtedly change the course of your future. 

“Are you?”

You’re not. 

[spider-gem]

Alright so there’s been something that’s been driving me CRAZY in Hazbin Hotel, and I haven’t seen a lot of people address it, so I’m going to. What is it? THIS:

I know it’s obvious to some, but I don’t think that enough people grasp the likelihood that Alastor and Vox used to be FRIENDS. Like, close enough friends that Alastor let Vox take a PICTURE with him. We’re talking about the same radio demon that never lets anyone take a clear photo/video of him.

So, if they were so close, what made them fall apart? Again, stating the obvious, but it probably (most definitely) had to do with Vox’s need to stay with the times vs. Alastor loyalty to his chosen media from the past. Here’s how I think their relationship developed and fell apart, which I’m hoping we’ll get to see in the show:

Alastor died in the 1930’s and Vox died about twenty years later, sometime in the 1950’s. We know that Alastor rose to power at an alarming rate, according to Mimzy. So when Vox died and went to hell, it’s likely that Alastor already had a strong reputation. Being new in hell, a good way to rise to power is to ally oneself with those already in power, right? Maybe Vox even idolized Alastor, seeing that both are some type of media demons. Maybe Alastor saw potential in him. So it’s very likely that Vox allied himself with Alastor, even forming some type of bond, and began to rise as a fellow overlord.

I think it’s also important to point out that Vox didn’t start out as a modern flatscreen tv in hell. He died in the 1950’s, remember? And we’ve seen in an old photo with Valentino (which I will come back to), he seems to regularly update himself to whatever modern advancement there is. So his head probably looked like one of these:

Now, Alastor likely still had his radio-is-superior mindset, but was still willing to ally himself with the new media demon. They’re both really similar, after all. We’ve seen the parallels. They probably bonded over their ambition and use of media to manipulate others. While they likely jokingly jabbed at each other on whether tv or radio is better, it was never anything to serious. That is, until Vox started to change himself. That’s where that photo with Valentino comes in.

This let’s us know that Vox consistently made updates to himself whenever there was an advancement in television. These changes didn’t sit well with Alastor, which is where the riff began. While Vox was determined to change with the times, Alastor was committed to his past. And as Vox changed, he likely wanted his closest friend in hell to change with him.

Now, in Stayed Gone, Alastor says that Vox asked him to “join his team”. This team, the Vee’s, couldn’t have started until Valentino was introduced to hell after his death in the 1970’s. And Velvette died much later, approximately around the early 2000’s to 2010’s. So, I see this playing out as Vox befriending Valentino, who showed some potential, shortly after his death. And there’s no way in hell (hehe get it) that Alastor liked Vox’s new ally. Vox and Valentino keep updating to stay with the times while Alastor stays the same.

After forming some sort of team with Val, which will expand and lead to the powers that the Vee’s now have, Vox wants Alastor to join them as well. After all, Alastor is his oldest ally and friend in hell, so of course he wants him by his side. However, there is a condition. If Alastor is to join this team, he would have to make changes to himself as well. If this team is going to stay fresh to the eyes of hell, an old timey radio demon on the team wouldn’t be a good look. So when Vox asks Alastor to do this, our favorite radio demon is undoubtedly pissed.

He’s looked the other way while Vox has made updates to himself. He hated it, which occasionally stirred up an argument, but nothing past that. But now? Vox has the nerve to tell him to do the same? And not only that, but to also join a TEAM? We know how prideful the radio demon is, he has an ego that puts the entire Pride Ring to shame. To be asked to join a TEAM is an insult to him and his power. He doesn’t need anyone (bullshit, but okay). And for Vox to just ask him to not only join this team, but also change for it? It’s almost like a betrayal, and he feels like his friend is attempting to use him. So, as we know, he turns down the offer. And that pisses Vox off.

Vox also feels betrayed and hurt. He thought they had each other’s back. They TRUSTED each other. How could Alastor turn him down so quickly, without a second thought? If they worked together, they could become the most powerful force in hell! There are sinners left and right that would kill for this offer! Had that trust been a lie? Was Vox just misguided in thinking that they were actually friends? So, to Vox, this decline is a massive “FUCK YOU” and a slap to the face. They get into an argument that leads to a huge, ugly fight between two petty media overlords who would rather hurt each other even more than talk about their feelings.

This is where the rivalry is born. Years pass and the rift between them grows. Vox and his team gains more power, especially after Velvette joins him and Val. The Vee’s now terrorize and control large portions of hell, having almost if not equal impact as that radio demon that broadcasts sinner’s screams. Through the years, Alastor and Vox have more back and forth battles, whether in banter between their broadcasts or in combat in real life.

The rivalry becomes an obsession for Vox. He wants Alastor to see him and his power, and see that he was wrong to turn him down. Deep down, he wants Alastor to change his mind. Val and Velvette don’t understand why the radio demon has such a hold on their partner, but support Vox’s desire to take him down. After all, the radio demon does currently hold more power than them. The more overlord’s they take down or control, the more power they gain.

We all know that prior to the seven years Alastor went missing, he and Vox had some sort of huge fights. And, according to Val, Alastor “almost beat” Vox. We don’t know what this fight entailed, but the word “almost” is interesting. This implies that either Vox barely beat Alastor or there was some sort of stalemate. I like to think the later, because it suggests that they are equals in a way, which is something that the would rather die than admit. Nevertheless, they are equals in power and in pride, which makes their parallels more impactful. These two idiots are trying to prove who is better, but they can’t. Because, in many ways, they are the same.

To wrap up this analysis, which ended up longer than I thought it would, I would like to go full circle and return to that ripped photo of Alastor and Vox. The photo that got torn in half by Vox in a that I like to imagine went down like that one scene from Mean Girl’s. You know which one. Not only did Vox tear it up in a fit of rage, but he KEPT IT. After all these years, he held onto that photo. The photo that is a reminder of a friendship now torn apart. A reminder that the radio demon once trusted him enough to let a photo be taken of him by his side. A reminder of what he lost.

Anyway, these two pathetic and petty losers are driving me insane, so it’s nice to finally get this out of my head and onto a post. I can’t wait to see more of them in season two and get more context behind their rivalry. I’ve got a good feeling that most of what I theorize will be proven true.

[lightgirlification]

In Stars and Time: After Story Chapter 2

CW for slight intrusive thoughts and TwoHats Spoilers! Let's get this next chapter started shall we?

Chapter 2:

Siffrin was eating lunch in bed, kept under the watchful eye of the rest of the group to not wander off again. He wouldn’t though, his fever was down enough to realize that Loop was gone. They promised they’d be back but when would that be; would it even be when Siffrin was still alive? No, don’t think like that. They promised, and Siffrin had to hold onto that. He remained mostly quiet aside from Isabeau, Bonnie, and Mirabelle occasionally coming in to check on him and Odile, the latter of which has been in silence as well. She was currently eating her own meal while reading a book, studying even now.

Siffrin occasionally glances at her, but when she looks back, he startles and returns to his food. Finally, she gives a sigh, closing her book and placing it down next to her on the nightstand,

“Siffrin, we can’t merely sit in silence forever. If anything, it’s ironically giving me a headache.” The rogue jumped a little and clutched their bowl close to themselves,

“I’m sorry.”

“I was joking Siffrin. Well, about the last part anyway.” She paused for a moment, “I understand you may be feeling responsible for what happened, but I would do it again if you-”

“Yes, if it would save me, Isa said that. You would do terrible things to protect any of us. I already know this; you don’t have to repeat yourself.” Siffrin interrupted harshly. It is silent once more between them, and while Siffrin knows Odile never said the last half this time around, he still felt the need to get it out in the open. After all, he’s only heard it several times within the 150  loops he’s gone through. Siffrin simply took a bite of his soup as things remained quiet for a long minute, until Odile spoke again,

“I assume I’ve uttered those words in your previous loops.” Siffrin just continued to eat, but his bites were slowly becoming more intense, “But even if I haven’t said them in this timeline, they still hold truth. You and the others are way too important to me now, Siffrin.” The bright haired rogue grimaced,

“I shouldn’t be…” He uttered, “What happened to you…We don’t know what Time Craft has truly done to you, and you had to use it because of me. What if you aren’t the same, like you can’t walk anymore, or you can’t use your crafts as effectively if at all, or-”

“Siffrin slow down for a moment.” Odile said, but Siffrin turned to her swiftly, soup almost flowing over the edge of the bowl,

“No! You were completely unresponsive for 2 days because of me! If you lost any part of yourself because of my stupid actions-”

“Then it’ll be fine because you’re still here!” Siffrin flinched at Odile’s strict tone, her looking at him with narrowed eyes, “Listen to me, and listen to me right now Siffrin, no matter what kind of mindset you’ve gained from your loops, you need to remember this: you deserve to be alive. If I have consequences for using Time Craft, then so be it. Losing you would be far worse than me having to live different then I have before all of this happened!” Odile’s eyes pierced through Siffrin, but they nor her words were trying to attack him, he knew this much at least, “Do you really think after all this that we’d be better off leaving you to your fate? Would you have preferred that outcome?” Siffrin teared up at this and looked down,

“No…” He whimpered, “No I…I don’t want to be separated from all of you…”

“We all know that very well, and we don’t want that either. So…” Odile expression turned to one of tired sadness, one she didn’t show very often, “Please let us in Siffrin. I know it’ll be hard, as I stated we are both private people, but if you are to start healing you must begin talking to us. I told you, no more ‘keeping your feelings inside until you die’, so I expect you to at least try. Please.” Siffrin’s lips formed a thin line as he looked down, eye tightly shut trying to hold back their tears. Odile was right, she was always right. He couldn’t keep all the negative thoughts and emotions to himself anymore, they had done that long enough and they were tired; so, so tired…

‘You’re going to have to talk to them from now on.’

They promised their family, promised Loop, and they would follow through with it.

“I’m…” Siffrin began, “Scared to talk.” Breathe in…and out…“It’s feels as if something is tugging at my stomach. Like…Like…” Siffrin felt his throat close, the bowl in his lap now shaking in his grasp,

“Like when you looped?” Odile finished for them, and Siffrin shivered, but nodded,

“It makes me think I’ll loop back, even though I won’t. I know I should understand that, but I still can’t wrap my head around being free.” Odile placed her dish next to her book on the nightstand,

“Just because you are free Siffrin doesn’t mean you aren’t still affected by what happened to you during the loops. You felt trapped with no way out, and you had to deal with things on your own when we should have been there for you. You may have had Loop if I am correct, but us repeating the same actions in all your loops, only changing slightly when circumstances were altered, didn’t help your situation.” Siffrin went to say something, but Odile raised her hand to stop him, “Yes, you should have brought it up to us, that much is certain. However, again, you are a private person who tries to tackle your problems on your own. Your mindset is dangerous but considering that we all weren’t open with how we felt about each other, it scared you into thinking we didn’t care.” Odile looked to the side, eyebrows knitting together, “I suppose I am the same in some regard, afraid of what others may think.” Siffrin blinked, then recalled Odile’s past,

“Is it…because you’re half Vaugardian?” Odile’s eyes widened at what Siffrin said, but she simply softly smiled at him,

“I take it I told you my story in a previous loop?” Siffrin nodded, smiling back,

“Even told me there was no research. Don’t worry, I never told Isa.” The older woman laughed,

“Thank goodness, I was worried for a second he would cease his guessing. It’s quiet amusing to see what he comes up with.” Both laughed, but soon Odile held her abdomen in pain, and Siffrin all but tried to stand up, setting aside their bowl in a hurry,

“Odile are you-?!” They couldn’t manage to make it one step without their head spinning, and he fell backwards onto his bed, sitting in a daze. He felt tears in his eye again and Odile spoke again through her pain,

“Siffrin it’s alright, I just need a minute.” Siffrin couldn’t help it, he began crying as he covered his face,

“I’m sorry Odile…I’m so sorry…!” It was quiet between them aside from Siffrin’s sobs. He didn’t care that his head was pounding, he felt it was proper punishment.

It’s not ENOUGH punishment for you.

Suddenly, they heard footsteps and looked up to see Odile making her way over slowly. Siffrin went wide eyed, his heart leaping in fear, and jumped up again,

“No! Odile you shouldn’t be out of bed!” Their head span and their joints ached, they stumbled and bumped into their nightstand, but they didn’t care; ignoring the throbbing pain now in their side. Siffrin ran over to Odile who was propping herself up on Mirabelle’s and Bonnie’s shared bed trying to catch her breath. When Siffrin approached he felt his legs finally give up on him and began to fall, however Odile caught him, slowly lowering them both to the floor safely. Siffrin blinked a few times, eye wide as he never found himself wrapped in Odile’s arms much, but the embrace and her grip told him everything he needed to know.

Odile was strong, she was warm, she was alive. And she still loved Siffrin despite him being a massive idiot. She was still here; everyone was still here.

Siffrin finally broke down completely wrapping his arms weakly around the older woman, who pat his head and rubbed his back in comfort,

“Siffrin.” She said, “You promise me you’ll talk? Even if it’s just a little bit of insight as to how you’re feeling that’d be fine.” Siffrin nodded, whimpering as more tears fell, and Odile chuckled, “You kids…I don’t know what my life would be like without you all, but I don’t want to live in a world where that’s a reality now.” Siffrin sobbed again, he didn’t want that either. He wanted them to be with him forever, in any shape or form.

He would always remember Odile’s arms around him in this moment, proving she still had many more years left in her.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Siffrin was sketching in his book as the others went about their day, Mirabelle and Odile had gone shopping together for supplies and Isabeau was helping Bonnie with something, he couldn't remember what exactly. He hadn’t sketched since the loops had started, but it felt good to pick up again.

Around 4 months had passed since leaving Dormont for Bambouche, and they would all be there the next month, Bonnie receiving a letter from their sister that they would wait but if they didn't hurry she would make her way over to them herself. Bonnie sometimes panicked they weren't moving fast enough, either out of extreme excitement or anxiety of Nille making good on her statement, but Siffrin and the others made sure to calm them down. At least Siffrin's breathing technique came in handy...

Thinking back, Siffrin realized how resilient both his and Odile’s bodies were. Within a week, their symptoms had improved immensely. Siffrin’s fever and body aches were completely gone and was able to help with preparations for the upcoming journey, though everyone made sure he still took it easy despite his reassurances of feeling fine. He pouted a lot but he understood that they were just concerned and looking out for him, especially Isabeau. The man wasn’t trying to be a ‘mother hen’, but he constantly tried to do things for Siffrin before profusely apologizing. Siffrin simply chuckled at him, he knew the rock craft user meant no harm. Meanwhile, Odile still needed some bed rest at that time, but was allowed to move around and provide insight into supplies and the routes they all would be taking. She was slower when walking and using crafts, but Siffrin hoped that would fade with time. If it didn’t…

You permanently changed her, not only would she hate you, but everyone would also. You should be the one with the injury, with the pain.

Siffrin shook off the thoughts. Things were fine, Odile was fine, she was still here; all of them were still here.

“Sif?” Siffrin jumped a little at the touch on his shoulder, but turned to Isabeau, “Everything alright? I tried calling out to you, but you didn’t answer.” Siffrin smiled softly at him,

“I’m okay, just...thinking too much.” Isabeau nodded,

“Well then, may I chase those thoughts away?” Siffrin's smile grew,

“And how will my wonderful boyfriend do that for me?” Isabeau looked up pretending to think,

“Maybe…” He looked back at Siffrin with a big grin of his own, “Give you a big hug?” The rogue placed his sketch book down, holding his arms out,

“I would very much like that.” Isabeau all but scooped Siffrin up and held them in his arms bridal style for a tight embrace. Siffrin giggled and hugged Isabeau back by wrapping their arms around the other’s neck, nuzzling into the nape of it. They soon looked at each other, and Siffrin slowly connected their lips; Isabeau not hesitating to kiss back. Siffrin didn’t mind kissing as much as he thought he would, especially if it was Isabeau. It always felt nice, a way to communicate their emotions and love in a certain way only for them. It also helped they’d practiced quite a bit; practice did make perfect as Isabeau said.

The two separated and Isabeau connected their foreheads, “Anymore bad thoughts?” The bright haired adult shook his head, smile soft and heart fluttering at the man’s tone; so caring and sweet,

“Nope. All clear.” Isabeau nodded and they were quiet for a moment, before both giggled as Isabeau nuzzled their noses together.

“‘Za!” They turned to see Bonnie run over, “Come on! You promised you’d help me reach the fruit trees near here!” Isabeau laughed,

“Sorry Bonbon! Just checking in on my beloved here!” He kissed Siffrin’s temple, the older between them blushing yet smiling shyly. Bonnie stuck their tongue out,

“Ick!” Isabeau chuckled,

“One day Bonbon you will have someone you cherish as much as I do Sif. Trust me.” Siffrin’s blush deepened. He knew how much Isabeau loved him, but it always made their heart beat faster when it was said. Bonnie crossed their arms,

“Nuh-uh! I won’t have time for an icky partner, because I’ll be the best chef in the whole world!!” Siffrin smiled fondly at the preteen,

“I can see that already Bonnie.” The said child seemed to grow embarrassed at how sincere Siffrin was, but in the end, they giggled,

“Hehe, right!” They then walked closer, “So why are you holding ‘Frin like that? Did he have ‘bad thoughts’ again?”

“I did, but they are gone now Bonnie.” Siffrin said, and Bonnie nodded,

“Good. I would’ve whacked them away with my frying pan if they weren’t!” Isabeau tilted his head with an arched eyebrow,

“Wouldn’t you have to hit Sif on the head for that?” Bonnie was quiet for a bit,

“…Yes.” Siffrin gaped at Bonnie and Isabeau let out another laugh, Siffrin then hitting his lover’s shoulder lightly,

“Don’t encourage him!” Bonnie raised their hands in the air,

“I WILL FIGHT THE ‘BAD THOUGHTS’ WITH POTS AND PANS!” Siffrin held onto Isabeau,

“Please no! My head is delicate!”

“Alright you two.” Isabeau set Siffrin down, “How about we go get some of that fruit together?” Bonnie nodded,

“Yeah! Come on ‘Za! You too ‘Frin!” The couple nodded, and the three of them made their way to where Bonnie had found the fruit trees. Siffrin felt a large hand nudge his and he took it in his, it sweaty as ever; not that Siffrin minded. He adored Isabeau’s, well, everything. Mirabelle said that their love was precious, offering to supply some of her favorite stories if Siffrin needed to ‘study’. Siffrin considered taking her up on the offer, but Isabeau slowly showed him that experiencing a relationship was better than trying to study for it. The man took things slow with Siffrin, always asked for permission, and never pressured them into doing anything they didn’t want to. Even when Siffrin admitted the two more than likely could never become intimate, the man didn’t mind.

“Don’t you want to do that…with me?”

“It’s entirely up to you if you want to do that. I do have thoughts about it, I won’t deny that, but it won’t be something I need. Most of all, I just want to cherish and spoil you. I love you Sif, and I will do my best to prove that to you every single day.”

Siffrin smiled at the memory, it was precious to them. He couldn’t thank Isabeau enough for just being himself, for loving them…Siffrin didn’t know how he could repay Isabeau in full yet, but maybe one day, he would be able to.

[maxybabyy]

Daniel is three weeks into the programme when Scotty asks to join him.

“What do you say then? Should we go for a run like we used to?” He says and nudges Daniel’s shoe with a naked toe. “Get some of those muscles back on you, eh?”

Daniel laughs, hooks his foot around his ankle. He pulls him into his lap, rests his weight on his good leg. “Don’t think I can keep up with you anymore, Scotty. You, me, and my bum knee. Don’t think we’re getting very far, yeah?”

Scotty smiles, rubs a thumb over the LED bracelet he slapped on in case the sun sets before he comes home. It’s better than the yellow vest his mother had told him to wear, but it still makes him feel ridiculous. Scotty, he knows, prefers to run on trails, in the deep woods with nothing but trees and birds to keep you company.

But Daniel cannot do that now.

The forest floor is too uneven for him, filled with broken-off branches and stones the size of his fist. He can barely run a mile on a flat surface, doesn’t want to challenge himself with a broken ankle as well. So he runs by the roads now, always in the vicinity of help if he were to fall.

“Hey, Lance and the fam are coming into town in two weeks or so,” Scotty says and pulls out his phone. He flips the screen around to show him a scenic view of one of the trails they used to take before the crash. A viewpoint over the water, secluded enough that Daniel had gone to his knees without problems, sucked him off until they were both fucked out and satisfied on their way down.

“I don’t know your schedule, never know where you are these days, Ric,” he says, laughs. It feels weird in his chest, bitter to taste, but Daniel laughs with him, doesn’t say the answer nowadays is mostly PT. “But it would be cool if you could come, yeah? Been a while since we’ve done something like this.”

Daniel smiles, tightens the hand resting on Scotty’s hip.

Scotty wasn’t around when Daniel crashed, deep in his training programme for the next circuit of games. Blake had offered to call him, to arrange his flights so he could come and see him before his surgery. But Daniel hadn’t wanted Scotty to see him like that, injured and pathetic, overcome with pain at any movement of his leg.

He had been on crutches by the time Scotty came home, moving by himself and mostly off the hard meds. “Come to play nurse, haven’t I?” Scotty said and clumsily carried him to bed. But even then was a shit time for Daniel, no position suitable for both sex and his knee.

Times like these are when he regrets not involving Scotty more in his recovery. The evasive memory of his crash and subsequent injury, the current limitations he was working with.

“Don’t really think I can, babe,” Daniel says and tips him to the side, Scotty landing on the couch with a bump. He leans down to tighten his shoes, stands up for a quick stretch. “Unless you wanna carry me down?”

Scotty hums, stares at his knee, at the scar making its way down his leg. He looks, puzzled, and Daniel doesn’t know how to feel.

“Yeah, no dice, mate,” he says faintly.

Daniel shrugs, tries to breathe out the bitter frustration. He leans down for a kiss, just a brush of their lips before he’s upright again. “Right, I’ll be off. Dinner later? I will order something.”

He’s barely out of the door before his phone is in his hand, music in his ears as he presses start on the next run in his programme.

“Another day, another lovely run with you. I am coach Max, the Red Bull Running global head coach, and I will be with you every step of this two-mile run,” Max says in his ears, the familiar accent easing him into a different mindset as he lets the built-up frustration bleed away.

“You did not want to be here maybe. Perhaps the weather is bad where you run, and you feel tired today also. But you pressed start, so for the next 1.6 kilometres, I will of course help you to become the best runner you can today, and I think that is the most important thing right now.”

Daniel breathes out, shifts the pressure onto his bad knee, and when it feels good, he picks up the pace, loses himself in Max’s voice, “I’m here, Maxy. Tell me what to do.”

[maddyalexa]

The time is now

So I know a lot of y’all have prob been in the manifestation and/or shifting community for a hot minute, most of us a year or more. (Trust me, I’ve been in the shifting community for 3 years and the Law of Assumption community for 2 years, 3 if you count the horrible yet canon event of Law of Attraction 💀). So it’s been a while and I know how you feel. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. But at one point or another, you need to get out of the victim mindset and own up to why you haven’t manifested your desires, entered the void state, or shifted after a year or more of having a plethora of knowledge at your disposal. I’m applying this to myself as well, so don’t think I’m attacking anyone or being hypocritical. But in all seriousness, when is the last time you really tried? Be honest. And I don’t mean when’s the last time you said affirmations here and there for a few days and didn’t persist or live in the end for a substantial amount of time. Or that time you “thought” about shifting right before you rolled over and went to sleep without setting so much as an intention. But here’s the thing, I’m not telling you to try harder or do more, not in the slightest, because shifting and manifesting and entering the void state is supposed to be simple and easy if you accept that fact and let it. No, the advice and wake up call I’m trying to give is, put in a little more effort, have an INTENTION, and stop being lazy. Like seriously. Aren’t you TIRED???? Aren’t you done living this bullshit life and circumstances and not having your manifestations you dreamed so hard for? Aren’t you tired of not shifting and living in your dream desired reality doing whatever the hell you want?? Aren’t you tired of not waking up in the void state and waking up to the same lifestyle? Aren’t you sick of it? Then do something about it. We are almost done with 2023. 2024 is right around the corner. No way we’re letting YET ANOTHER year pass us by without accomplishing what we’ve been trying to do, and what we came here to do. Enough is enough. You are manifesting your dream life, you are shifting, and you are waking up in the void state or all of the above if you’re like me. I don’t care what you have to do. I’m so tired of y’all not living your dream lives like in what universe do you think that’s okay or acceptable bc it’s not. I know for some of you it’s been so long you don’t see the point and it’s hard to stay disciplined or motivated. So in the comments section anyone that needs to be kicked in gear daily until you get your shit needs to comment and I want all of you to hold yourselves accountable. Someone commented they want to shift to their Hogwarts DR? Okay, remind them every single day to shift and not stop until they do, and let that serve as a reminder to you as well. Ofc if you need to take breaks you always should do that, but if you’re in the right frame of mind to keep going and not stop, do it. The time is now. No more procrastinating. No more “I’ll wake up in the void tomorrow” no bitch DO IT TODAY. Goddamn it. This is your LIFE we’re talking about not a game and you think it’s okay to postpone your desires for another minute??! Hell no. Get off your ass and do what you need to do. Hold yourself accountable to the best of your abilities. Stop complaining about it bc all that time you used to complain could’ve been used to affirm or focus on your shifting or void state self concept, whatever steps it may be to lead you closer to your end goal. I know you’re tired and drained fucking trust me I know how hard the journey has been, but maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard if we had just buckled down from the start and done what we needed to do and figured out what worked best for us and stopped listening to people that are close minded with limiting ass beliefs. So from this point on, starting IMMEDIATELY, you are not going to waste another day. Haven’t tried to shift in over a year and a half like me? (I took a “shifting break” in May 2022💀), or however long it’s been?

Idc, looks like tonight’s your night and every single night after until you fucking shift. Haven’t tried to enter or wake up in the void state for a hot minute? (I stopped in July bc it was low key ruining my mental health the way I was obsessing over it). Oh, cool, looks like you and I are attempting tonight no ifs ands or buts. NONE. Consider this a challenge. It’s called “Get your desires before 2024” if you’re manifesting, “Tap in the void state before 2024” if you’re trying to enter the void state and manifest your dream life that way, or “Reality shift before 2024” if you’re shifting. It’s early November and if we really persist the entire time this is more than achievable. So, the only rules for this is to either in the comments section of this post or in your own separate post you’re going to document your journey from here on out and update once you’ve finally done it. Every single day (unless ofc like I said you need a break or life happens and you for whatever reason can’t, I get it shit happens lol). I’ll even be doing it with you, so stay tuned for that. No more over consuming info you already fucking know. Use all your free time you possible can or just utilize night time wisely if you only do shit before bed. We’re done. We’re getting our shit. And if you don’t participate I will personally come over and beat your ass bc YOU DESERVE TO LIVE YOUR DREAM LIFE not daydream about it, not sit around wising and hoping for it but actually fucking living it. And idc what I have to do to get the message across. So with that being said, do the “challenge” or however you want to view it and I love you and you got this. 💕

[anjelicawrites]

Burning Needs

Paring: pleasure dom!Osferth x reader, service top!Aemond Targaryen x reader, Aemond Targaryen x reader x Osferth.

Synopsis: pure smut. I have no redeeming excuse for this. Thank you my instigator #1 and love of my life for inspiring this!

Warnings: overstimulation, multiple orgasms, toys, cunnilingus, p in v sex, cumplay, subspace sex, the boys kissing because why not.

There are those days where you need Osferth, you need him to take the reins so that you can be out of your head for a little while. Today you don't have a special reason, you are simply itching, starting ten things at the same time and not finishing one: your student's homework lay half marked on the table, you haven't written a single page of the project you want to propose for the PhD in Classics you've been courting for a while and the pile of clothes to fold lays untouched near the washing machine. You seem unable to find rest, your own skin a nuisance.

Aemond is working from home today and has been neck deep in calls, managing to emerge from his study only for a quick sandwich and a peck on your cheek. Osferth has been plowing the garden for hours and had just hit the shower, filthy to the bone and happy, cheeks and shoulders reddened by the sun. 

It's a quiet day and yet you feel like you want to jump out of your body as you rearrange some knick-knacks and check if the plants need water. 

You jump when Osferth's hand touches your shoulder and you swat his chest reflexively, your heart beating a crazy tattoo inside your chest; Osferth knows you all too well, he just needs a glance to see how wired up you are as you hug him

"Os?" you ask burrowing your face against his chest

"What is it?" he already knows, but he wants you to spell it out. 

You rub your face against his chest, inhaling deeply the mix of body wash and natural scent. You don't want to say it out loud, shy all of a sudden. 

"My lady love?" 

His touch is soft on your chin, fingers tight to make you stare into his eyes; you avert your gaze, teeth worrying your lower lip

"You know" you say petulantly

"What do I know, if you don't tell me?" there's mirth in his voice and his lips are soft against your forehead

"I need you" you rush as you hide your embarrassed face against the curve of his neck

"Was it so hard to confess?". 

Now, you have more of a submissive bone in your body than him. When you need him, most of the time you brat out until he has to teach you a lesson. Rarely, but it has been happening more frequently since Aemond came around, it's not the pain that you need, it's pleasure until you forget you have a body. 

In all his past experiences, Osferth didn't really have the chance to explore this side of being a dom, which he's liking more than he'd ever thought he would, and he has Aemond's hard limits to thank. If your lives hadn't crossed and entwined together, you two would have probably missed the chance to have fun this way. 

"My love?" 

His fingers find your chin again, needing to know if he’s reading you right.

"Os?" 

Your eyes are already glazed over and your pupils blown: you two are absolutely on the same page here. 

"Give me fifteen minutes and then come upstairs - his hands cup your face, warm, the skin rough and familiar - bring the closed orange juice carton, the big one in the pantry

"I will, sir". 

Your big, beautiful brain is already halfway gone, without him doing nothing but talk to you. 

"Drink something sugary and eat some chocolate. You are going to need all the energy you can muster". 

A full body shudder thunders through your body, stealing a smile from his lips: he doesn't really need fifteen minutes to organize all he needs, but why miss the chance to use your own imagination against you? Fucking with your brain is half the work: once you are in the right mindset, it's so much easier to play with you, to bring you right where he wants you to be. 

On autopilot you drink freshly pressed orange juice, leaving half pitcher in the fridge and eat some of Aemond's dark chocolate, the one he craves when coming down from subspace. On muscle memory only, you grab a marker to write on the board attached to the fridge that more needs to be bought and grab what Osferth asked you to bring, while your mind is already upstairs, creating scenarios upon scenarios, sweat running down your spine, cunt wet and ready for the taking.

The moment the clock strikes the fifteen minute mark, you walk upstairs, your heart in your chest, excited and scared at the same time. 

When you cross the threshold, you feel like a shy virgin, which is hilarious. You've never been afraid or shy whenever sex is involved, but when your brain is in this special kind of gutter, it's like your first time all over again. You feel the warmth of desire spread everywhere in your body when Osferth softly smiles, grabs the items you bought and takes your hands in his. His hands gently help you remove your clothes, fingertips teasingly caressing your skin as it's revealed; goosebumps spread everywhere, your nipples stiffen and Osferth delicately kisses each with love and devotion until a soft moan leaves your lips

"Are you still with me?"

When has he kneeled? And where are your panties?

"Yeah - you murmur - all green". 

You know there's a stupid smile on your face, because it's mirroring Osferth's, who delicately parts your folds and kisses your clit, his tongue licking it slowly, until you buck your hips against his face. His hands curl around your hips to steady you

"Come for me whenever you want". 

You want to agree, your words deserting you the moment his thumbs open your folds again, obscenely wet, to make space for his tongue.

He takes it easy, he knows your first orgasm is always hard to reach and you need time to get there, to get in the right mood. His tongue licks your clit, slowly inching to your hole with every passing, until it catches there and he sneaks in to french kiss you there, while his nose plays with your clit. Your hands grab his hair to move his face to your leisure and he lets you, this is not about control, it’s about your pleasure and the moans spilling from your mouth as he fucks you with his tongue, your juices escaping to wet his chin. The moment his nose pushes the right angle against your clit you feel your nerves light up violently and you ride his face brutally, until you come and he tries to drink down all you are giving him. 

His hands on your hips keep you steady and upright, his lips kiss the meat of your tights, leaving marks on the delicate skin, his tongue licking all his lips have missed; he is so addicted to your taste, he’d die if you’d ever deny him this. 

His name falls from your lips, letting him know that you need to lie down; he gives your clit a quick peck and then he lifts your body on his shoulder, not trusting your shaking legs to carry you to bed. You laugh and he slaps your ass jokingly, eliciting another peal of laughter from you, the sound music to his ears. 

With as much care as the position allows him, he lies you down on the bed, making sure your eyes are on him when he removes his t-shirt; he knows you love it when he peels it off grabbing the cotton from the back. 

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah - the world slurred leaves your lips - My head feels like it's full of cotton candy"

"Good. We need that gorgeous brain of yours to shut down for a while, don't we?". 

You nod, your eyes now focused on the growing bulge in his pants. 

"Do you think you'll need to be restrained?". 

He loves the dumb way you look at him. He doesn't truly need to ask you, you've given him the reins, it's too fun to torment you though, to keep your brain awake enough for ideas to form and work to his advantage. You want to shake your head, but you know you have to use your words like a big girl; your reward is three fingers in your cunt, curling to push against your G-spot, making your squeal and arching your back in surprise and pleasure. 

Osferth's rough fingertips keep rubbing inside of you, your muscle trying to curl around them, he just scissors his strong fingers and keeps going, pushing against the rough patch there, the other hand on your lower belly to keep you in place and you try to kick until the pressure is too much and you come again with a shout. 

Through half lidded eyes you see Osferth licking his fingers, a low hum of pleasure escapes his lips and the bulge in his pants is completely outlined. That looks uncomfortable and you want to ask him if he wants a hand with it, your brain is too stupid already to form a coherent thought. 

A small slap lands on your left breast, not hard enough to hurt but enough to focus your attention on your lover and you moan, watching him cupping himself as he lies on the bed, his lips kissing the inside of your tights, open mouthed and hungry, until his hot breath is on your cunt, two fingers opening your lips and you shiver; you are already so sensitive and it's only been two orgasms. You know he's not going to stop until you can't take it anymore. You want him to keep going until you cannot possibly function, yet, you are scared of the depths of the pleasure you have to face.

A moan like a cry for help leaves you lips when your clit is enveloped again by Osferth’s mouth, your hands go to his hair, this time he’s not letting you control his movements, his hands grab your hips to plaster his face better against you and his tongue licks your clit fast, his lips curl around it to suck at the same time and you explode.

You lose count of the number of orgasms he gives you, barely aware of the flurry of mouth, tongue and lips against your cunt, too lost in the pleasure, throat raw and legs clenching around Osferth’s head. He gives you respite when he feels that he is going to come, your pleasure the only primer his cock needs. He stares at you while he cups himself, his cock raw by the friction against the cotton of his bottoms: you have already lost the use of your legs, when he caresses you calf, he can only see your muscles twitch reflexively, your hands lie by your sides and you are covered in perspiration. His mouth tastes like you to the point he knows he will be able to taste you in the back of his throat, no matter how many times he brushes his teeth. His tongue sneaks out to lick whatever drops of your essence are left on his lips, hungry.

This is not enough, it will never be enough, the need to devour you, to carry you within himself will never be seated, no matter how many times he has you; his love for you opened a wound on his soul no amount of lovemaking will ever heal. He needs you now and he will need you always, you make him feral and desperate for you, the higher functions of his brain hanging by one thread: keeping you safe.

His hands grab your ankles and he pulls your unresponsive body closer to his, your eyes can barely open, your brain too fuzzy to truly care about what he’s going to do to you. Your ears pick up a whirring sound, your brain needs a second more to recognize it, as if it mattered, as if you are in any shape to run. As if you don’t want this.

With extreme caution, Osferth places the clit sucker on your engorged clitoris; the thing is on the lower setting and still you yelp, your hips pathetically trying to move, the muscles non responding. 

A chain of pleas and noes fall from your lips: you are well aware that he will torture you with it until you come with each setting and there’s ten of them. You want to reason with him, to bargain, the pressure on your clit is minimal, enough to light the nerves there and to muddle your thoughts. You cannot possibly come, not like this, it's not enough

"You will" he says, eyes trained on your face. 

You want to shake your head, to beg, to make him go faster, for him to use his fingers, please, anything to help you, Gods please! The sudden change of the angle makes you squeal and come, the breath cut from your lungs. 

You know your chest is heaving and your heart is beating like crazy, you cannot feel anything but the ringing in your ears and the toy sliding against your lower lips to grant your clit a modicum of mercy. You are crying, fat tears sliding down your cheeks; Osferth knows he'd make you a disservice if he's stopping now. You are desperate, yes, but you are still in yourself and you didn't come to him for this; it's strange how seeing you in the throes of brutal pleasure is harder for him to manage, than the times you two play with pain. His first instinct, the wrong one to follow, is to stop and start the aftercare immediately and that's not what you need right now. He elects to ignore your desperation, kisses your forehead though and ranks up the toy, moving it back to your clit. Your head jerks from side to side, the pleasure a painful shock on your clit; with a desperate effort your hips try to move and Osferth needs a hand to keep you pinned where he wants you, subjugating you again to the toy. Each higher setting is a tortuous journey towards pleasure, your body sending thwarted signals your brain cannot analyze, your muscles twitching as you scream again and again for him. He's barely giving you respite between bouts of pleasure now, the sucker on your clit after every orgasm makes your hip jut up in overstimulation, his voice softly encouraging you as his eyes switch between your beautiful face and your drenched cunt. You are coming so much, he cannot wait to lick you clean again. Osferth's cock hurts and pulsates with every small movement he makes, he feels his control slipping with each of your orgasms. He doesn't want to come just yet, his brain is screaming at him until he removes his pants hastily before he uses the highest setting on you and you come immediately. The animalistic part of him takes control and he plunges inside your loose cunt and he just needs the enveloping warmth to come, his hot seed making you shiver.  

He stays rooted inside of you, the small movements of your cunt's muscles massage his spent cock until he starts moving again, feeling his erection mounting. You've been so good, making him come almost untouched, you reserve a reward. He is in no hurry though, your cunt is so perfect he wants to savor it, how wet it is, how his cock fits perfectly in there, your muscles valiantly trying to curl around him to offer him more friction even in your fucked stupid state. He tells you everything, praising you as his small cross dangles in front of your face, right above your parted lips and you snatch it with your lips, your lizard brain knowing this would make him happy and it wins you deeper thrusts and rhythmic slaps on your breasts, until you come, taking Osferth with you.  

He knows he is too heavy and he should roll off you, he can feel how ragged your breath is, his cock doesn't want to lose your warmth though, until one idea pops into his mind. 

He kneels between your splayed legs, not wanting to miss the slow sliding of his come from your overused hole. He has to fight the need to push it back and to plug you, he has other ideas as he pushes on your lower tummy to make sure everything is out and you groan, eyes rolling back. He knows your nerves are afire, any touch and you would receive a shock wave of pleasure; it's so fun to play with you like this. 

You are a ragdoll in his embrace, making all too easy to sit you between his splayed legs, your head abandoned against his shoulder, his spent cock nestled again in your warmth as he helps you drink the juice in greedy gulps: you must feel so thirsty after screaming that much, your throat raw. You've been such a good girl for him, bringing straws even if he's forgotten to tell you, he has to reward you again. 

His fingers find your clit the moment you stop drinking and he pinches it tight until your back arches and he releases it, thumb and forefinger sliding easily around the overused nub, until a smaller orgasm hits you and you wail. 

He needs his phone for the second part of his reward, stretching his arm to the bedside table without removing his cock from inside of you. His timing is perfect, he thinks, while he sends a quick message to Aemond. 

After what it feels like a century of calls, Aemond emerges from his home office to the quiet of the living room. He can see the dogs and cats splayed outside in the sun and you are not there, nor Osferth; where are you two? His phone chimes to the sound of a text incoming, thankfully it’s not his work phone, it’s either his mum or Helaena; he’s surprised it’s Osferth, who curtly asks him to come upstairs. What the hell is going on?

He gets his answer the moment he opens the door and sees you completely and utterly abandoned against Osferth. Both your bodies covered in perspiration and his cock inside of you, the room reeks of sex, his own cock stirs immediately, the scene presented to his eyes debauched and full of love at the same time. He doesn’t even need to be told to undress, his hands working on autopilot on the buttons of his crisp shirt and trousers. 

You are so out of it you don’t even react when he crawls up to you, his lips soft on your sweaty forehead are what makes you open your eyes and call his name, maybe you don’t need to use your safeword with him, he’ll have pity on you.

“She are still verbal” he notices

“That’s why I need your help”.

You want to add something, to have a say in the discussion regarding you, your bratty side trying to crawl out of the shadows and it’s immediately subdued by Osferth’s two fingers sliding inside your pussy again. You vaguely hear them say something about playing a game, too late your brain works out it’s “How many fingers can this pussy get”, before your legs are splayed again and cold lube is poured on your cunt. Your abs tight when Osferth slides his other two fingers in, you want to beg, to say that you can’t play this game and only a moan escapes your lips when Aemond index breaches you in, sliding delicately next to Osferth’s, trying to open you up for him. You don’t think you can take anymore and yet your pussy accepts his other three fingers, the pressure inside your belly unbearable, still your cunt tries to curl around the intrusion. They are barely moving, just staring at your stuffed hole with incredulous eyes as their fingers wriggle delicately, the same idea forming in their heads, their hands pushing on your lower abdomen as your breath catches. Too much, it’s too much, your brain is screaming, you can't, it's too tight, you want to say, please stop and yet the time to use your safeword hasn’t come yet. Your hips try to wriggle as they delicately move in and out, your abs pulling and clenching until your back arches and you squirt all over their fingers.

Your ears are ringing so much, you can barely hear their praises, Aemond’s left hand on your cheek sends a zing of pleasure to your brain. You don’t even notice he’s drying your tears, his eye full of love for you, nor feel Osferth sliding out from behind you to let you lie on the bed, legs obscenely spread, your lower lips red and wet for them.

Osferth’s slightly chapped lips are on your forehead, leaving gentle kisses while you try to catch your breath, his calloused hand sliding softly up and down your side, his eyes ready to check for signs of discomfort and all he can see is you drunk on pleasure, your breath slowly going back to normal. 

Even though your pussy feels sore, you still hunger for more, you need your lovers again; the intrusion of the small bullet vibrator in your hole has you moaning, the vibration low against your G-spot. Aemond’s long body covers yours, his lips chaste on your mouth, just leaving small pecks that make you relax in his warmth, make you want to scoot closer to him and just lie there in his embrace. The vibrator against your clit steals a scream from your rough throat, your eyes widening the moment you see it’s Aemond who is torturing you, his face close to your pussy to observe your clit being played with. Your body is too heavy for you to even try to move, your hips incapable of sliding away; and where would you want to go? Chapped lips envelope your stiff nipple as a callous hand pinches the other, a long sob escapes your lips the moment someone pushes on your lower belly again, your clit firing off against the vibrations as you wail pitifully. 

Someone is growling in the distance, you’ve squirted again, this time all over Aemond’s face and hair, unlocking something primal inside of him, the animalistic instinct of tasting you takes over and his face is buried in your pussy, his teeth delicately biting your clit and you sob, incapable of doing anything else but feel him, his hunger for you, his hands on your tights to keep you spread open for him, the small vibrator inside of you going faster and you come again and again, your brain finally shutting down and accepting defeat, your body following the pleasure burning your nerves. You squirt again and don’t hear your boys high fiving, nor their praises, your eyes are too heavy to open and you miss them kissing passionately, your taste on their lips driving them insane with need.

Their big hands are on your body again, the bullet removed from your overused cunt, Aemond helping you to sit up and drink some more. You are so pliant for him now, all soft moans and goosebump erupting wherever his hand lands on your skin, he almost feels bad for having used your body the way he did and for what he and Osferth are about to do. His cock is so hard, though and you have given him permission a long time ago to fuck you even when you are deep into subspace. His lips are on your temple, murmuring sweet nothings and encouragements, telling you what a good girl you have been for the two of them, you just hum in pleasure, soaking into his warmth.

You are on your back again, legs kept open and up on Aemond’s arms; he shivers when just his head breaches you and Osferth’s hand starts jacking him, stopping his advance, his lips on the column of his neck. You are so warm and loose, Osferth’s palm rough on his skin as he moves faster and faster, one goal in mind and Aemond’s hips just follow his movements, his orgasm curling and curling at the base of his spine, until he comes inside of you, his cock milked until he has no more to give. He has to let go of your legs, hands planted at the sides of your body, breath ragged after keeping his orgasm under wraps for so long. He has to clean you up, though, your pretty pussy is kept plugged by the head of his cock, the moment he leaves, everything is going to come out and he doesn’t want to miss a single drop. He needs a moment to coordinate his movements, he manages to be fast enough  to plug you with his fingers the moment his head leaves you heath.

You barely keen the moment his hot lips meet your cunt again, his tongue delicately licking you clean and leaving your overused clit alone; you will need the respite, because they are not done with you.

Once you are clean of his spunk, he grabs Osferth’s short locks and kisses him passionately, his own come, still in his mouth, being passed to the other man, who hungrily sucks everything in. With a greedy eye he stares as Osferth’s fingers make your pretty cunt gape and then spit the come back inside of you, his fingers plugging you close again and curling to seek you G-spot. You tremble at the intrusion and come immediately, twice, his thumb against your clit. 

Osferth’s own erection is agony, every small movement fires pleasure and pain up and down his spine. You’ve been so good, coming all these times and you are still ready to give them more, to sheath them inside of you. He can’t control himself anymore and slides inside of you, your muscles still try to curl around him and he wants to cry at how good you make him feel, at how much your body recognizes his on instinct only. He tries to reign his orgasm in, tries to go slow and savor you and God it’s so hard, your body enchants his, steals control from him, the pleasure robs him of whatever control he has left and he comes, fingers on your abused clit, because you deserve a reward for being so good for the two of them.

You are floating somewhere your brain is not needed, somewhere safe, where your body is loose and weightless. You can feel big hands on your skin, moving you in a different position, but everything is muffled and you don’t really care, knowing that you are safe. The warmth enveloping you is nice, the skin against yours so soft and nice smelling, the words in your ear soothing, you just rub your face against the body keeping yours up and someone hums happily. Slowly you get a hold of your body, your muscles feel overused and your pussy sore, you feel so happy and safe where you are, enveloped in warmth and Aemond’s masculine scent.

“Are you back, issa dōna jorrāelagon? - my sweet love, softly murmured against the crown of your head, you just burrow your face against his neck and he laughs - oh, I see, you are still non verbal. Shall we go take a bath? I think it’s ready”.

An unhappy sound leaves your lips and you pout up at him; you are so cute he hums happily at you.

“What’s wrong, dōna hāedar, sweet girl? Gaomagon ao jaelagon nykeā vūjigon, do you want a kiss?”.

You just nod sleeply against the curve of his neck and he gives you a small peck on your lips, which is absolutely not enough. You let him know of your displeasure with a pathetic sound at the back of your throat, which wins you a serious kiss, his tongue entering your pliant mouth with ease. You can taste him and yourself; if you weren't so tired you'd be ready to go again, to welcome him in the depths of your body and you wish he'd lie you down on the destroyed sheets to sheath his cock inside of you. Both him and Osferth have given you so much pleasure you don't care that you can't physically come again or that your cunt is sore, you'd do anything to thank your lovers. 

Aemond seems to pick up on your rambling thoughts, his soft lips on your sweaty forehead

"I will make love to you, Issa gevie dāria, my beautiful queen, when you are fully responsive to my touch. I want to drink every moan, every scream you will give me". 

You hum happily at him, noticing just now that both the eyepatch and the sapphire are gone: he is as naked and vulnerable as you are, the biggest gift he could honor you with. You want to thank him for his trust, for believing in your love for him, but words fail you, forcing you to kiss his shoulder with reverence, trying to pour all your feelings into your actions. He seems to understand, his hand cups the back of your neck to keep you where you are, enveloping your spent body with his. 

Slowly he puts one arm under your knees to anchor you safely against his body and stands up; carrying you around is so easy, you are weightless in his arms, his precious love who needs all his care after gifting him with the honor of her body. On the way to the master bathroom Aemond sees Osferth emerge from the big room, cell phone in hand, loose bottoms hanging on his hips. He looks so young and nothing like the sex demon who has fucked you into subspace, his smile so open and soft: the duality of the man he loves. Osferth beams at him and you, his lips find the crown of your head to place a delicate kiss there, his empty hand stroking your cheek tenderly; you are so pliant when you are coming down to yourself, the only thing he wants to do is curl around you and keep you safe, even if he feels the tendrils of his own need for cuddles start to emerge. 

The water is the perfect temperature for your tired body, the body wash squirted in there is your favorite; you don't want to leave for the rest of your life, your body bracketed by Aemond's as he starts washing your hair and his own, his fingers undoing the knots your trashing has formed and massaging your scalp. He tells you about his day and what he wants to do during the weekend, about Helaena's new project being greenlighted by her boss. He could tell you about the stock market and you'd listen, the softness of his voice the thread you need to slowly re-emerge from subspace. You can hear Osferth calling the only pizza place that delivers in this neck of the woods and you know you are in for a treat, the submissive in you reveling in the care your two lovers are pouring on you. 

It doesn't take long for Osferth to come back and join the two of you in the water, his body nestling against yours, his face hiding in the curve of your neck as Aemond washes his back with long strokes. You two are so soft and needy he thanks the Gods again that the delivery guy knows where to leave the pizzas while you three are in the bath. He knows you two will not drown, it's just that his protectiveness is at its maximum now, he needs to tend to the two of you, make sure that you come on the other side of your lovemaking, safe and happy. 

You are not truly sleeping, your head lolled back on Aemond’s shoulder, your eyes half lidded stare at his beautiful, relaxed face. You can feel Osferth moving to Aemond’s other side, putting his head on his free shoulder with a content sigh, his hand sneaking to grab yours, fingers entwining on Aemond’s abs. You truly feel that the itch which had tormented you for half of the day, is gone, your brain back in gear. Osferth is sleepy and hungry, patting himself on the back mentally for having changed the sheets while on the phone with the pizzeria, he only wishes not to have to leave the hot water to eat; if only teleportation were a thing, he thinks the moment your tummy rumbles. He shares a quick stare with Aemond, before taking your tired body from him to help you out of the tub. His drop of endorphins is not as stark as the one he has to deal with when he dominates you with pain, which means he can be a functional human being and help you dry your hair and wear one of his old T-shirts. He doesn’t bother with panties after applying soothing cream on your abused lips, he knows you are far too sensitive to have anything chafe there at the moment. Behind you, Aemond has gathered his long hair in a quick bun and he’s now braiding yours to help them dry faster; he’s quite happy that you can stand on your own, albeit on shaky legs, he doesn’t need your words to know he’s doing right, picking up from the happy sounds escaping your mouth. He kneels and helps you wear your skid proof socks, today it’s the elephant ones and he steals a kiss on the side of your knee, making you giggle like a schoolgirl; no one sees this side of you, or of him, but Osferth and he wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Osferth carries you bridal style downstairs, your face pressed against his shoulder, your lips leaving kisses on the reddened skin; he quickly wraps you in your favorite fleece blanket, only your skid proof socks, your head and your hands emerging, your head on his shoulder, waiting for the food to come. Your boys sit by your sides, taking turns into feeding you and peppering kisses on your forehead, while something mindless plays on the telly. You don’t finish your food, too tired and still coming down from subspace to truly care and fall asleep with your head on Osferth’s shoulder and your feet on Aemond’s lap. 

The three of you wake up in the morning all entwined on the sofa, the mark of a good day to come.

[lovebvni]

Hiiii ! Moonie here 💙

First of all : THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE READING 🙏 , means a lot to me !!! And I truly hope that you’ve been doing well and your life becomes more positive and the up and downs stop

About , whether the answers still apply : I think they do to a certain degree , actually ! ✨ since my ask , my view of manifesting really did change! Back then , I trusted loa and understood it but the trust wasn’t deep rooted . Found myself daily searching up on TikTok , Tumblr , Reddit , “if robotic affirmations really work” , and even tho I totally have the freedom to manifest (& shift) as I’d like , I still kinda was unsure and maybe also in a way afraid ???

I wouldn’t say tho , I am 100% there yet where I want , maybe I am around 83%? Been speeding up my pace right now , as in : stopping with excuses and taking my time to saturate my mind with new and good statements about myself !

( 🔵 about the answer from question one “ should moonie only manifest reality shifting , because she is trying to focus on perma shifting ?” —> “need to be used to the 3D and 4D working together to reflect your desires.”, “do you think this right with your own intuition?” & “haven’t you asked something similar before?” )

I really needed to read through the paragraph twice , to understand really what they’re getting at .

: if I remember correctly, I have asked something similar before shortly before or after I sent the ask to my guides . Right now , I couldn’t tell you anymore what the answer [ to my question , regarding me focusing entirely on shifting ] was .. however , in the meantime I had some time where I did focus more on my mindset !! And I think they meant back then , that I should become aware of what I want and maybe understand the whole 3D/4D thing better ! [back then I always refused to really let it sink it and didn’t really get the reflecting thing] — but now that I have become more to terms with loa and understood how I personally want to use it ( saturating my mind with my new story / statements and desires , till my subconscious gets flooded by them , LOLOL ) . I also decided, to purely focus now on shifting, especially after reading now your answer !💙

Oh and thank you a lot for the drawings 😭🙏 they really helped me !!

Unfortunately, you’re right . I would pick a goal or chose a plan just for me never sticking to it and always changing my mind , chasing another way before ending it / manifesting it . Lacked a lot of discipline ( trying to change that as of now )

( 🔵 ques two : “is moonie on the right track?” )

Yeeeah, the drawing did really represent me until recently! Feeling very called out by it , to be honest 💔😃 (playfully!) (that’s by the way a huge compliment! You did amazing and I think , the drawings did really help)

I think a lot about what you typed down there , really meant what I mentioned earlier : with changing my minds every other day and kinda running away from change in a way , making it harder for me for no particular reason .

( 🔵 last que : “should moon work on their prospective memory ?” )

I actually kinda worked a bit on it ! I also affirmed for a better one and I think I feel it has worked ?

Tiny question: is there a reason why you added the last song think of me once in a while,take care ? For some reason , I got kinda emotional when I heard it jdjddjjfjf

I’d like to ask if that’s okay with you , one last question: (if you don’t want to , then that’s more than completely fine💯)

A bit more than a week ago , I actually shifted by just wanting to sleep and heard my dr . Afterwards, I asked for confirmation from my guides and they said I really did shift.

Since then , I kinda chilled and worked a bit on my mindset.. and after reading your reply and what they thought a month ago , I can’t help but wonder if …

🔹their minds and answers have changed, regarding me being ready and..

🔹 II. if I should now completely focus on shifting …

🔸if I stop since then myself from shifting by just falling asleep (again)?

But I think, I am ready now ? Or pretty close to be really ready

Thank you so so much again for your help 💙✨

to answer ur tiny question, i add songs if spirit plays them/pushes me to add them. the title to that felt very important so i decided to add it because of the way i felt about it.

again, i’m getting to this late but i saw a rock — spirit is solid in what they said before. they want you to learn to have discipline and keep going until you reach wits end. “use your tools wisely.” don’t use them for a small amount of time then jump to something else.

i kinda get the feeling you’re looking for an escape from obligations. stop doing that and keep doing what you have been set out to do.

stop seeking excuses, and just keep working.

i asked spirit for a song you can interpret yourself.

here it is (it’s very on theme with the blue)

i hope this helps you, but seriously don’t look for an excuse for everything. it hurts you in the long run

[two-braincells-in-total]

Why I love Juliette Ferrars and you should too

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Juliette hater or supporter, please read this, I spent a lot of time on it, and it’s important to know who the main character of the book we’re reading really is for the sake of truly understanding the book.

I somehow ended up on a side of TikTok that’s filled with Juliette haters and I’m not happy about it. If Juliette has zero haters then I’m dead, so I decided to write a full analysis of her character throughout the series in the notes of my phone because that’s exactly what normal people do at 2 am (it was edited properly before posting btw). Buckle your seatbelts, we’ll be here for a while.

Starting off with Shatter me, book 1. At the beginning, Juliette is locked up, knows nothing about the outside world, she’s borderline insane. All she knows is what happened before she got sent to the asylum, which is what makes her think that her powers make her a monster (because of what happened to the boy when she was 14) or at least contributes for that mindset.

Many Juliette haters say that they dislike her because she’s whiny. I think the previous paragraph is enough to see how ridiculous that sounds, but I’ll elaborate because I’ve argued with some before and they didn’t find it enough. Now, let’s get back on the timeline to before the book even started (aka her backstory).

She’s a 17 yo with abusive parents who have isolated her since they found out about her powers. Not only that, but they made a point of showing her that they think she’s a monster, which is also contributing to the mindset of hers that I mentioned above. Her mother put her hand in the fire when she was FUCKING 6 YO to see if she was human enough to burn. I haven’t read Juliette’s diary, so I don’t know if we were told about other specific situations from her childhood like this one, because there wasn’t much info about her life with her adoptive parents in the books, except this one, but we were explicitly told that they’re abusive and can definitely say that shit like this happened all throughout her life with them, aka at least 14 yrs (before she killed that boy) and possibly up until she was 16 (that’s when she got locked up in the asylum. I say possibly because she spent a lot of time in detention centers, so I’m not sure if they had enough time with her for that, but if they did, they definitely used it), which is a lot of abuse when you do the math. Keep in mind all of the cruel kids and teachers during her earlier years. They add even more trauma.

This gives her a lot of reasons to develop mental health issues that some would describe as her being whiny. So, yes, it’s absolutely reasonable for her to feel insecure and sad for herself as she does in all books, especially in Shatter me and Unravel me. She’s a traumatized teenage girl acting like a traumatized teenage girl.

Thing is, she isn’t even as whiny as they make her out to be. I’m not saying she wasn’t at all, but it was a reasonable amount, considering her trauma. I know for a fact that if I was in her place, I would’ve been much more whiny and annoying, and this probably applies to all of us. She spent the page time she was in the asylum for to do that and she did throw several tantrums at the base with Warner, but she spent most of her time there pretending to adjust and she did it so well that she managed to fool Warner and escape with Adam. She was amazing during the time between them escaping and the end of the book. She really pulled herself together for that part of the book, so you can’t say she was whiny the whole time, because it would be straight up false information.

Moving onto Unravel me (I’ll talk about her relationship with Adam and how it changed her after I discuss her character on its own). She’s at Omega Point and has trouble adjusting. She’s relearning how to communicate and is still struggling with her trauma, which makes it harder for her to train her powers. She, again, has every right to be whiny, as they say, but she also gets the wake-up call from Kenji in this book. She pulls herself together and actually starts figuring out what her powers can do and she also starts building relationships with other members of the resistance, such as Winston, Brendan, Lily, Ian. This is a very important part of her character development, her finally getting people to help her stay pulled together and not fall apart, her making friends. There isn’t much else about this book individually, what I haven’t mentioned about it, I’ll talk about after I finish individual books, but it was a very important step in her personal growth.

The biggest jump in her character development happens in Ignite me. She was the most pulled together in this book and that’s why it’s most people’s favorite (plus the relationship with Warner).She fully takes control of her life and risks it all for a better world. She now has full control of her powers and knows they’re a strength, not a curse. She’s making plans to overthrow the Reestablishment and to change the world for the better and she wins the war at the end of the book. A huge part of this book is her relationship with Warner that I’ll talk about later.

Juliette in Restore me is a little bit different. She is the surpreme commander but is doubting herself all the time. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do and her insecurities come marching back into her head. She finally finds a piece of truth about her past and that really changes things. The state her character is in during the book is something that might’ve been annoying at first, but it was actually necessary. It shows that healing isn’t linear and that the fact that you were at a high point doesn’t guarantee that you won’t get low again. She might not have been as strong as she was in Ignite me, but that version of her was needed to build the final Juliette later on, and to show a realistic process of healing scars from a traumatic past.

Defy me shows how she got back up from the point she was at in Restore me. She was regaining her strength, managing to piece together the whole story of her past from beginning to end and finally finding Emmaline. I think this book is the best one in the series, not only because of the writing and plot, but also because of her character in it. She was determined to get out of Oceania and, even though Kenji and Nazeera helped her do it, she managed. She showed us how we shouldn’t give up, even when we fell from a high point. There is hope for a happy ending, there can a spark of happiness in dark times.

Imagine me Juliette lost her memories. We see her inner debate about doing her job vs helping people in need. We see that even when she doesn’t know who she is in the literal sense of the word, she still has that piece of her that wants to help people, to be kind. When she gets back her memories, she finally makes things right. This is the end of her character development.

Let’s get to the three main relationships that she forms throughout the series, the ones that contribute to her character development the most.

1) Her relationship with Adam – they meet in Shatter me and start dating almost immediately, which should’ve been the first red flag. She was a broken girl who knew nothing about the world and he was someone who wanted to protect her. He kind of has a savior mentality, always wanting to keep the people close to him safe, when it actually does them harm. This protective wing that he has over Juliette and him being immune to her powers give her the impression that she doen;t have them when she’s with him, that she’s a normal human. Notice how she thinks it’s the lack of powers that make her human. It’s important for the point I’m trying to get across.

All of this seems like the right thing to do in Shatter me, but the situation changes in Unravel me. We find out about Adam’s powers and how his relationship with Juliette isn’t as safe for his life as they thought. They start fighting and break up.

In Ignite me, Adam starts showing his red flags. He refuses to accept the fact that she doesn’t want him back. He keeps telling her that she shouldn’t take the chance that Warner is offering, he’s holding her back. Even she says it on multiple occasions.

The relationship was toxic but it was necessary for both of their character developments. They started off as two teenagers who didn’t know what love is, so they thought that the first act of kindness someone shows them is love. The fact that she didn’t want or need to be protected anymore didn’t fit the narrative and they weren’t complementing each other anymore. Both of them said and did thing they shouldn’t have, not only him, but also not only her. It was bound to fail, but it thought both of them something and it sets us up for personal growth for both of them. They both found someone who they made it work with (Warner and Alia) and ended it on good terms. If it wasn’t for the failed relationship, Adam wouldn’t have learnt more about Warner and they woulnd’t have bonded as brothers later on.

The relationship was painful for both, but it was needed for the personal growth. Juliette realized that she doesn’t need to be protected and Adam swallowed his ego.

2) Her relationship with Warner – He was the first person to encourage her to use her powers to their full potential, the first to reassure her that they don’t make her a monster. That’s exactly why she thought that getting closer to him was a moral slip. He reminded her of her monsterous side, unlike Adam, who she thought was her link to humanity.

Juliette haters sometimes say that she was playing with his feelings when she a) shot him in Shatter me, b) said Adam’s name in Unravel me and c) broke up with him in Restore me. Let’s discuss those three events.

a) I think he absolutely deserved the shot. He forced himself on her and even though he apologized, it was still wrong. She didn’t care about him at the time, she took advantage of the situation and saved Adam with the shot. Don’t get me wrong, I love Warner but he. Deserved. The shot.

b) She didn’t mean it maliciously. She just suddenly realized that she just broke up with Adam and it slipped from her mouth. The kiss was also a moral slip, she had a lot of those moral slips in Ignite me. Even though they weren’t kisses, she thought that her attraction to him was wrong. This is why she pushed him away every time they got close. It’s a trauma response. And this time it was a simple accident. She didn’t mean to say it. She didn’t mean to hurt him

c) This is the reason I hate Castle. He knew everything about Juliette from the very beginning. That’s why he sent Kenji to get her. He should’ve told her when she got to Omega Point, or at least when she became surpreme commander. By not telling her, he puts the blame on Warner and that’s why everything happened the way it did. And she was right to be angry. She took it out on Warner because that’s what Castle made it look like by making him tell her. It wasn’t Warner’s fault but it wasn’t Juliette’s either. They were kids who were put on the spot by the person who was supposed to guide them. Neither of them was at fault, especially not Juliette.

Warner’s relationship with Juliette was very important for her character development. He was constant reassurance and encouragement, and love. She needed that. The stages of their relationship and its ups and downs are similar to Juliette’s personal ones and I find this a very good parallel. He helped her get back up when she was low. He was a very important person in her life and really necessary for her personal growth, just as she was to him. They helped each other find out what love really is, because neither of them knew before they met.

3) Juliette’s friendship with Kenji – he was the person to tell her to get the fuck up and stop crying. He was the reason she took over her powers and got strong enough mentally to fight and win and rule. People might say that she only made it because of him and they’d be right, but that’s not a bad thing. We need other people to be the way we are. Nobody can make it on their own. That’s the point of their friendship.

Their friendship also showed us another side of her. In his POV we see on multiple occasions that he wouldn’t have made it without her either.

Here are some quotes from Kenji’s POV:

“No one really cares about my emotional state; no one but J, if I’m being honest.” – Reveal me

“I know if she could just see me, she’d know something was wrong and she’d come over here. I know she would.” – Reveal me

“I’ve tried talking to Castle or Winston – even Ian – but no one has ever clicked the way J does.” – Reveal me

“With her, it’s different. I never even realized how much I was missing until we really got to know each other.” – Reveal me

“She doesn’t have to say a word. I can look into her eyes and know she gets it.” – Reveal me

“She gives a shit about me in a way no one else ever has.” – Reveal me

“I hear some kind of shuffle, and my hear picks up. J always comes through. She always comes through.” – Reveal me

“But in an instant, her smile is gone. And when she goes suddenly pale, when her eyes pull together in concern – I feel the tiniest bit better. I know it’s strange, but there’s something reassuring about her reaction; it means that at least something is right with the world. Because I knew. I knew that, unlike everyone else, she’d see right away that I wasn’t okay. That I’m not okay. No superpowers necessary. And somehow, that means everything.” – Reveal me

There are more, but I think those prove my point. (Translation: My brain is turning off soon, so I gotta finish this instead of finding every single thing Kenji has ever said about J)

I think they’re pretty self-explanatory, but still – she cares about people. He explicitly says that’s what makes her a good leader. And we see that through her friendship with Kenji. He might’ve been the one to help her get it together, but she did the same to him, and we always overlook that fact. It’s a very important part of her character that I had to mention for this to be completed.

Before I finish this off, there are two more thing that I want to discuss. They are things Juliette haters say that I want to prove wrong.

1) “Juliette was stupid” – no she wasn’t. She was learning how to socialize again after isolation, that’s why she wasn’t socially smart, which is the reason they might think she was stupid. She was actually a very smart girl and the plans she made weren’t out of character. And they were working for a reason. The reason being – she’s. not. Stupid. Also, it’s not her fault no one ever told her anything!

2) “They would’ve made it without her, she wasn’t special. It might’ve been easier” – actually, they did need her. They wouldn’t have made it without Warner and he wouldn’t have participated if it wasn’t for her. Another thing is, Emmaline was directly related to her. And she was also part of the reestablishment’s plan. They wouldn’t have found where Emmaline was kept to take her down without Juliette. She was important to resistance. They needed her. Not because of her powers, but because of connections she brought them. She was also a very good leader, it’s just that nobody told her what she’s supposed to do. How is she expected to know how to do something that she’s never heard how to do before?

Something else about her is that no matter what she went through, she still managed to be kind. She was strong but she had a heart.

All in all, I think she was an amazing person, human-wise. She had every right to be ‘whiny’ in the beginning, so, no, this isn’t a good argument against her. As a character, she was incredibly written. Her character development wasn’t linear, she had ups and downs, which is something very realistic and it was also written well. She never felt ooc, she just healed realistically. Did she have flaws? Many. Some of them were small, others weren’t. But she was human. Imperfect. You say you want complex characters, imperfect characters, but you lose your shit when the fmc is actually complex and flawed.

The point of the series is that a past doesn’t define if you’ll do great things in your life. That’s up to you. And that, as I said, healing isn’t linear, so having low points doesn’t mean you won’t make it. The point of this series is Juliette’s growth throughout the books and for a good character arc to happen, you need a very flawed character to start with. That’s exactly what she is. I get not liking her as a person (actually I don’t) but you should really consider looking at her from the character angle. If you still don’t believe that what I said in this paragraph is true, then you really lack media literacy – you had 6 books, 5 novellas and this thing and if you still don’t get it, that sounds like a you problem.

Now, as a finale:

To other Juliette supporters – please tell me if I missed anything, or I interpreted something incorrectly.

To Juliette haters (or recently former ones, if this post made you doubt your first judgment) that hate her as a person, I have a question – do you dislike her because she isn’t likable, or is it just your internalized misogyny speaking?

DISCLAIMER 1: If you still don’t like her, I’m not going to fight you on it. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, I just wanted to put my point across and spark a little bit of thought process about her.

DISCLAIMER 2: This might be awfully written and maybe I’m a horrible at interpretations, I’m sorry. I know this is all over the place and chaotic (my teachers are crying rn), I’m sorry. I said everything I can say about her, and maybe I worded some things wrong, please correct me if it comes to it.

Bye!

3260 words on this, omg, longest thing I’ve ever written