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#and I don’t really talk to anyone in my college classes so dnd accounts for over half of my social interaction in a week.
six-improbable-things
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29 days
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#sometimes I genuinely do wonder just how fucked my mental state would be right now if I hadn’t started playing dnd.
#like genuinely during the school year (especially the end of spring semester) my mindset is
#‘’survive until the weekend so you can play dnd’’
#and then Friday comes and I play dnd fri-sat-sun and I’m happy
#and then Monday comes around and its ‘’survive until the weekend so you can play dnd’’
#like especially Rook’s game bc that’s my longest running one and I am UNHEALTHILY attached to that one.
#it’s the highlight of my entire existence and my other two games are pretty high up on the list of ‘’things that make life tolerable’’
#idk. maybe I would be suicidal if not for dnd. probably not but maybe.
#I’ve always had my cats and my books and my friends as reasons to live but living away from home means no cats and no books
#and I don’t really talk to anyone in my college classes so dnd accounts for over half of my social interaction in a week.
#and when you take note of that fact maybe it’s not so hard to see why I cling to it with such desperation.
#but it’s more than that. it’s because it’s the only kind of storytelling I seem to be capable of right now.
#I haven’t written anything nor related to Rook’s game in almost a year and that had been the first time in months.
#I need to create and tell stories and share them with people but my brain (adhd and depression ig) will not let me
#so dnd is the way I can do that. because it’s not on me to sit down and do it.
#it’s a commitment I make to a group.
#and it’s not me pulling it all out of my brain from scratch it’s me reacting to a bunch of other stuff
#anyways. just crazy to think that this silly little game (and my idiot bastard man) might save/have saved me
#morrigan.text
#delete later
#personal
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