#I’ve been meaning to catch up with some podcasts I started but didn’t finish

[crimson--freak]

Okay I dont know much about your liked ships so uhh your favorite podcast ship for the shipping bingo!

To be honest, I haven’t really been listening to any new podcasts for ages (Malevolent was really the last one that I picked up, about a year ago), so I don’t have many podcast ships much less a favourite one.

However, I’ll go with a classic (Jonmartin from TMA, because they were my first big podcast ship).

(“I used to like it” is highlighted not because I don’t like them anymore, but because in terms of ships it’s kind of a low-level one for me. I still enjoy it, but I’ve kind of moved on from them as a main-focus ship in my mind.)

[ID: A shipping bingo template with the sections “comfort ship”, “I used to like it”, “guilty pleasure ship”, “literally perfect, no notes”, and “they should go to therapy together. heart emoji” highlighted in green. /End ID]

[chalkrevelations]

So, I’ve been catching up on podcasts about TLOU during the commute to and from work or while I’m running errands. And I’ve developed this habit that I subject spouse to on a regular basis, which I call “Today On ‘How Dudes On Podcasts Are Wrong About The Last Of Us.’” And this week, I just feel really strongly about a couple of things re: Ep 8, and so all y’all get to be subjected to this week’s installment, too.

(I definitely need to go back and watch all of the show again, because I feel like it’s going to unfold beautifully on a second watch, but I don’t actually have the patience to wait until I get all the way around, back to Ep 8 again, before hashing through this particular stuff, so fuck it, we ball.)

I just feel like I’m listening to a lot of guys 1) being weirdly precious about the cannibalism and 2) missing the point of the cannibalism.

I mean, all of this is with the caveat that I realized a long time ago, I’m kind of missing the automatic cannibalism squick that most people have. I’m not down with killing people specifically to eat them, and I wouldn’t particularly want to eat another person, but I do appear to be more pragmatic - at least theoretically - than about 96.5 percent of the population about the idea that dead bodies are meat, that living people take precedence over dead people, and that if you’re in a starvation situation without other options and Joe next door kicks it, as long as he wasn’t carrying any communicable diseases, I don’t have a lot of practical or ethical compunction about you looking at Joe as a source of protein. All that being said, I’m listening to people acting not only like the cannibalism in Ep 8 is some freaky weird shit - which it is! don’t get me wrong, being in a situation where your only option is to eat people is inherently fucked up! - but that it’s a narrative choice that illustrates a moral and ethical vacuum in this group of characters, which completely misses the point? I’m hearing things like the fact that they didn’t immediately butcher the horse while people are neatly strung up for storage shows that they’d rather eat people, and how voraciously they were eating their “venison” stew shows how they are indelibly marked and changed by eating human flesh - even when they don’t know, I guess - and I’m like, no, they’re HUNGRY. They’re literally starving. That’s why they’re sucking down that stew. And I’m sure they’ll get around to butchering that horse as soon as David’s done terrorizing and molesting Ellie, which brings me to my first point:

The cannibalism is not what makes these people monstrous. What makes them monstrous is that they allow David to openly prey on children the way he treats Hannah and Ellie. What makes James monstrous is that he knows their raiding party attacked Joel and Ellie without provocation and Joel killed their guy in self-defense (don’t start none, won’t be none, m’fkr), and yet he still wants to revenge-obliterate Joel and Ellie. What makes David monstrous is the way he preys on the people in his care and particularly on the children in his care, like Hannah and Ellie. “Freaky cannibalism” is not what makes any of these people monstrous, it only means they’re starving and desperate. What makes them monstrous is their other behavior, that they could control, unlike starving to death if you don’t eat Jim-Bob when he kicks it and all you have otherwise are three cans of stewed tomatoes for a group of 25+ people.

Also, I realize I’m coming at this with hindsight because I’ve finished the season, but particularly if you’ve played the game, I feel like you should see this coming: The narrative point of the cannibalism isn’t about these people at all. It’s not even really about David. The cannibalism is about Joel. Joel has to see those bodies strung up in the back of the steakhouse, Joel has to understand that David and his group are - in Ellie’s words - cutting people into little bits, Joel has to understand that this is likely what they’re going to do to Ellie, and Joel has to see that he wasn’t able to rescue her from that, that he failed her again, that she only survived because she saved herself. Joel has to see those bodies stripped down to meat because it literalizes what’s going to happen in Ep 9, when he wakes up in the Firefly facility and Ellie is gone, and Marlene tells him she’s already headed into surgery - they’ve washed her, prepped her and are getting ready to expertly butcher her, to kill her and strip her down for parts, cut her into little bits, just like those bodies he saw hanging back at Silverlake would be, just like Ellie would have been if she hadn’t saved herself. He’s failed her again and again and again, he told Tommy, back in Ep, what? 6? 7? He fails her again in Ep 8, and she is fucking traumatized. You think he’s going to fail her this last time, if he can help it?

And that’s why, sure, people can argue the ethics of his actions all they want, but the overall story is so very VERY narratively satisfying, because Joel was never going to do anything other than what he did, and that’s what the story is ABOUT. This is the most cohesive story I’ve seen, on a character level, in a LONG damn time.

But I do think part of the ethical argument of whether you do or don’t agree with Joel’s decision should be informed by the fact that David’s group and the Fireflies are paralleled in Ep 8 and Ep 9. Maybe Ellie would have said yes to Marlene, but Marlene didn’t ask - she doesn’t care any more about Ellie’s consent than David did. Is Ep 8 repulsive because it’s happening in the back of a steakhouse and Ep 9 OK because it’s happening in an operating room? You’re going to be all “Ew, cannibalism, beyond the pale” when it’s about desperation and survival, and the meat is (usually, at least) already dead anyway, and a lot of other people would starve to death if you just let it rot, but you’re OK with Ellie, who’s still alive, being butchered to keep other people alive? No - to maybe keep other people alive, because this is all hypothetical, the Fireflies don’t even know if it will actually work? So, if it doesn’t work this time, how many teen-aged girls are you willing to butcher on a possibility? At what point does it become too many? Do we rebuild the world on the bodies of dead teen-aged girls? I submit this is part of the moral calculus that has to be considered at the end of S1, and it’s put into stark relief by what we see in Ep 8.

And that is the point of the cannibalism.

[kyndaris]

Backlog Catch-Up

With all the new releases coming out in 2023, I am reminded once again of the limited time I have as someone that must work for a living. Coupled with the fact that I’m out socialising more and exploring the world when I use my leave, what little free time I have must be used in the most efficient way possible spread out thinly across video games, writing, reading and keeping up with shows and movies.

As of the writing of this post, I’m in the fourth chapter of Tactics Ogre Reborn, mopping up most of the side quests and unlocking new characters and classes before the final battle. But the temptation is there to put Tactics Ogre Reborn down and play through The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom instead since it’s new and shiny and everyone who is anyone is hyped for the new Zelda entry.

I even saw someone play on the commute to work!

While that something most gamers will do, hopping from one game to another, I’ve always found that the best way for me to tackle the glut of video games that catch my eye is to finish them off one by one before moving on. Otherwise, I’d have far too many incomplete games and not enough storage space on my consoles for anything more. A terrible dilemma given the size of games nowadays.

At least, that’s what I tell myself as everyone else is raving about the latest games that they’ve got their hands on.

Of course, even if I were to finish the game I was currently playing at the time, it doesn’t always mean I’ll play the latest and greatest title. The game I start could be part of my backlog or a fairly new and flashy game. And though it shouldn’t matter if that title is the one in the current zeitgeist or if it was something that came out years ago, I know in my heart of hearts, I should only be playing what’s new. If only to keep up with the discourse.

Still, the FOMO that I feel is a reminder that I can still engage in the content, though I may not have the entire experience. After all, I’m not one that shies away from a few spoilers. In fact, I relish them. 

But I’ve found that when it comes to my gaming habits, and even on dates when I chat to others, it’s always been a struggle for me to be open about my favourite games. While some hyperfixate on a title, I tend to enjoy the stories for what they are without diving too deep. Some of that could be from the fact that I’ve managed to glean all that I can from unofficial wikis. Other times, I’ve simply not felt the need to obsess over every small detail in the game.

Still, I have to wonder if some of that comes from my childhood. Growing up, there weren’t many people around me that played video games. Even if they did, they were older than me and didn’t want to entertain the curious preteen. In high school, there was still the perception that games were played by boys and what was a nice girl like me doing spending so much time in front of the computer screen?

Even now, I don’t talk about games with my work friends or those that don’t really play anything more than cosy games like Animal Crossing. Sure, I now know of people that play the big releases and that’s something we can talk about briefly but those titles serve as conversation starters. Water cooler conversations, if you will, because neither of us know how far the other has gotten and don’t want to ruin the experience.

If I wanted a hot take about a game, I turn to the internet. One glance at YouTube and you can see why. I couldn’t tell you the number of videos I’ve seen reviewing game titles, assessing games and what they bring to each individual or just having an opinion about something controversial. You name, there’s a podcast. And if you engage with those creators, form a parasocial relationship, you’ve essentially found ‘your people.’

So, maybe it’s fine for me to take my time instead of racing through. Even though popular discourse seems to favour remaining relevant when posting reviews or impressions on the internet. Something that I’ve done with my games.

The same, however, cannot be said of books. Perhaps because I’m not on BookTok or on BookTube. Even if I were, there’s no real rush to be on top of the latest releases unless it’s YA. And given my favourite genre and my minimum page count being 500 pages or more, I’ve never felt compelled to quickly finish a book just to get to a new one. In fact, the more time I can spend with a book, the better. The atmosphere, the worldbuilding, the characters...these are all important aspects to me and there have been times when a book reaches the end that I wish the author had simply written more about their characters.

I very much like exploring someone else’s head and seeing their interactions in the quiet moments.

That’s probably why I insert so much of it in my own writing. I like to get to know a person inside and out.

Beyond the occasional YA novels, though, you won’t find whole wikis filled with the history of characters or their backstory. Books are a completely different medium and their fans interact differently with the source material. While yes, you will get the occasional fan art, it’s only recently that I’ve seen Rhysand and Feyre fan art being sold at conventions. I might have shuddered, but given that there’s no movie or TV show of Sarah J Maas’s work, it’s very impressive that there is actual fan art that exists for a wholly book series.

Books, more than games, have always been something I’ve been passionate about. And while there are books that I will put down something else to read if the chance arose, I don’t feel the immediate FOMO that one might have if a new game comes out. Yes, there’s hype but I never feel like I’m missing out on the conversation.

Maybe, of course, there’s the fact that reading is a much more passive experience than gaming. True, tehre are people out there that will immediately buy a book as soon as it releases and finish it within a day but even with BookTok and BookTube becoming increasingly prevalent, public discourse doesn’t have such a huge emphasis on new book releases. At least, not on the scale of video games or films/ TV shows. For example, Sarah J Maas became increasingly popular with the advent of TikTok but back when I was still reading the first few books of the Throne of Glass series back in 2015, there was no-one I knew within my immediate circle that had read the books.It’s only been in recent years that I’ve seen people fall in love with the world of A Court of Thorns and Roses and jump on the fae bandwagon.

And don’t get me started on Robin Hobb!

Too bad, of course, that no-one has truly been trying to promote the intricate worlds of M.A. Carrick in the Rook and the Rose series. Or have started reading the Black Magician trilogy by Australian author, Trudi Canavan. Honestly, those worlds have been some of the BEST I’ve ventured into.

Then again, much like games, I don’t talk about books very much to my friends. Mostly because it’s hard to find someone that has read the same type of genre that I do. Even if we DO read the same genre, we may not have read the same books. Have you SEEN how many books are churned out each year? Something, of course, I want for myself but I’m sure if I am ever published, I’ll just be one of the dime a dozen authors that disappear once more into the woodwork. It takes talent and grit and a fair bit of luck to become the next Sanderson or Rowling or Martin.

Still, now that I’ve joined a book club at work, I’ve been able to talk about books freely with people that have, at the very least, read the same book that I have for the month. No longer do I have to spy on people on the train and muster up the courage to chat to them about the latest Stormlight Archive book that they’re reading (which I’ve finished) and nerd out over Kaladin and lashings and the Cosmere.

And while the genres may not always be the ones that I enjoy the most, I do like discussing the book of the month with those in the office. There’s something special about going into deep dives about the book we’ve all just read as we go on about themes or elements that particularly stood out. 

Even if I secretly hope to steer them towards the more magical side of fantasy given enough time. 

But that’s a thought! We have book clubs. Why not game clubs? I know that video games are social mediums by their very nature, but I’d like a proper sit-down and in-depth chat about a game’s story with my fellow gamers as we talk about things that we liked or didn’t like, the mechanics that worked and didn’t work and how the ambiance fed into the game world to make it the unique experience it was for each person.

I don’t want someone to talk at me about a game. I get enough of that on the internet as people try to extol the virtues of whichever game has become their whole personality, nor do I want to have to sit through a one-sided discussion during a date. Given that games are a valid medium of art, we can start treating them as such.

But maybe instead of viewing games and books and whatever else that’s inbetween, I should simply just enjoy what I have for the time being and worry less about trying to keep up with whatever is popular. I’m not, after all, a gaming journalist. There’s no money to be made in my blogs. I write about what I like, I read what I like, and I play whatever takes my fancy. Games come and go. And since I’ve purchased them and they’re sitting pretty on my shelf, it’s all just now a simple matter of picking them up, dusting them off and slipping the disc into the console. 

Speaking of which, I need to ALSO finish of Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky SC and the third title before tackling the Crossbell arc of games. Eugh! 

So much to do, so little time!

[mifhortunach]

in review - once again! - 2022

below cut :/

i did... Very Little drawing this year ! - which i’m really not happy about, and i’m not sure how that happened tbh. that said, if nothing else, instead of drawing i got ‘a lot’ of printing done!

it was a good year for like. my Actual Practice - i spent a lot of time in the studio, got a piece (that i still like!) into an actual public show, as well as for the first time sold some work!! I also got to finally mess around with a riso machine, as well as someone offered to show me more litho stuff, so im hoping to pursue that much more in the year :) - as well as finally do a bunch of projects i’ve been putting off for ages & dear god, fckn draw more

====

watched a lot of movies though!!!

ltrbxd says i saw like. 115 or smth, but that’s an estimate bc i went to a couple of shorts showings (as well as fell asleep at a couple :’/ ). it’s been cool!! have finally seen a bunch of genre classics, and had like, a seeing thru the matrix moment~ where i could tell a whole bunch of influences that had affected smth i was watching ! id quite like to try to strike a similar balance this year as well; catching up on like. ‘genre staples’ but paired w the weirdest most niche shit i can find - fingers-crossed! (thinking about putting together a little round-up post of some of the ones i saw this year that really stuck around for me, but idk)

=====

Pods!!

usually i think - and by usually i mean like, last year - i’ve got more to say on this front, but a lot of the pods i really enjoyed this year were hold-overs from 2022-

AMCA: i’m someone who while they don’t care about starwars, DOES really like podcasts about it, which is weird & difficult to explain, but this is still so good!! 5 star podcast, 5 star runtime! everyDAY do i wish they could do a special about dune...

The RETURN of toxic podcast!: as before, a podcast only for me really, and the only podcaster that i do have smth approaching a parasocial relationship with - its just been nice to hear from Ale again!! The branch into ltrboxd reviews as been a fun venture too, imo.

FATT/SANGFIELLE: though difficult to believe, that DID happen this year!! Sangfielle is still so so good, and it got me back into both listening to bluff as well as trying so hard to catch up on ptzn, its just really fckn good what else is there to even say! (Met a lot of v cool people through this as well, which has been so cool :) )

Assorted Seán L@TDF podcasts: while he has dropped completely off the face of the internet - though hopefully not the earth - the man DOES still have years of weird (mostly movie) focused podcasting to go back in on, which i do find consistently compelling!! turns out when u practice putting thought into words and then presenting for long enough you do indeed build a skill. His found footage series (Hundreds of Pixelated Dead Bodies) series is great, and introduced me to a lot of stuff, ditto his other series (hundreds of dead bodies). I’m hoping to get through the big, thoughtful series (ALL UNITS) this year, and maybe I’ll get even luckier and he’ll return to the land of podcasting soon.

I’m sure i’ve missed some on this one, but these are the ones that stood out to me this time round, i guess. i’m excited for the new twioat series also, lol.

=====

i did like, almost no reading, or tv watching, though i did start, and plan - and not finish - a good couple of knitting projects. didn’t get out to see many gallery shows either, which isn’t so great - though i DID manage to have a startlingly good year socially ?

made some new friends, had a whole private theme month devoted to the films of al pacino, and got to see two bands/musicians that i really love play live!! Good Ol’ Stevie P w @silverview (<33) && TWRP - both of which were so so great, and made me wish i got out more lol

lots to be done this year, as per, but hopefully it’ll be fine

[jaxyacksprojects]

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Newsletter below the cut (worse formatting and lacking the embeds, but fine if you don't want to click a link):

Live Laugh Stuck

Latest Episodes

Missed a couple updates, so here’s what’s been going on!

We have our penultimate Rating Ship Names episode! I keep joking that by the end of the final one, I’ll have this whole audio/video editing thing down pat. And though I’m far from eager to make more visual heavy episodes (as I am not the hugest fan when podcasts I listen to switch to that), it’s a nice card up my sleeve for future projects.

Next we had our Live Q&A! Which ended up mostly being us chatting. It was fun for everyone to meet up in person! Definitely something I’d like to do again. Eventually I’m going to edit this for the podcast feed, but for now you can watch it on youtube! Nothing visual heavy, but Moosie did make us these cute little gifs!

After that, I accidentally skipped a week! We’ll just say that the live show (combined with the trailer I’ll get to in a second) was the content for that fortnight. Even if I haven’t gotten the live show up on the podcast feed yet. Whoops! But we course corrected and released at our normal time this week, more of our blind readthrough: Moosestuck!

Last but not least, the podcast finally has a new trailer! This ended up being a hit on tiktok, so hopefully y’all enjoy it as well!

Next Up

Two weeks from now we’ll have the final Rating Ship Names episode! I really enjoyed doing the series, and didn’t mind the editing as much as I made it seem (complaining is fun!), but I’m still glad to close the chapter on this project. I have other things I want to be doing that I’ve only barely been able to start before finishing this up! Which should have encouraged me to get it done more quickly, but, well, that’s ADHD for you lol

After that, we might focus on getting through more of Moosestuck while I work on other things, both LLS and not, but I don’t want to say anything for sure as of now.

Jax Elsewhere

I’ve started streaming every Saturday at 11 am cst on Twitch! Currently playing through Dragon Age Inquisition in preparation for The Veilguard coming out this fall! Doing a Solas romance for Extra Feels. I haven’t decided if I’ll stream TV and just up the schedule or do a personal playthrough, but my aim is to keep streaming every Saturday morning, even when I’m done with Dragon Age. It’s something that I’ve been meaning to do for a while, partially as encouragement to get through my vast Steam backlog, so keep an eye on it! And let me know if there’s anything I can do to improve the stream!

Other Upkeep and News

My first Tumblr blog has remained terminated with no communication from Tumblr despite my many attempts to reach out, and in the meantime, my second blog got terminated as well. I had one that I made as a back up and hadn’t used yet, so go check out Jax Yacks Projects if you prefer to keep up to date on Tumblr! My hope is since I’m only using it for projects and other non-personal side blogs, I won’t get nuked again, but we’ll see! I haven’t updated all the links in the show notes, though — it’s on my list of projects.

Links! Click them!

This is where else you can find me on the web! At least some of the places lol If you check out nothing else, come join the Discord! It’s still small, but there’s been a bit more regular activity, and Domi, Justin, and Moosie are all in it as well! It’s also more consistently updated than these newsletters, though I have plans in motion to try to keep this more regular.

Projects Discord Main Website with all project links Live Laugh Stuck Website Ko-fi Live Laugh Stuck Twitter Live Laugh Stuck Tiktok

Poetry Corner

Prompt: “Perhaps it is genetic.” Generated here.

It's cliche The promise to never be like them Which parts we reject Which we ignore

It's ingrained We can never know their whole The parts we never saw The parts just like ours

It decays Does the promise remain unbroken? Can we stop the repetition? Is this a cycle or self-fulfillment?

[blog-reflection]

ONE / FIVE - They would be Hot Together

I tried to follow the noises and made my way upstairs. The door of her room was just a tad open, so I gave it a look. Nothing. I’ve seen nothing. Where the hell did the noise come from if not from this very room? I mean Mildret’s just lying in the bed head’s down. It looks like she’s crying but I can’t really tell. I tried to talk to her but as soon as I moved the door a bit Mildret stood up and rushed towards me smashing the door into my face and closing it afterwards. Well, I tried. I’m not even surprised that this has happened. Sometimes it’s unbearable to watch how similar I am to her. We never talk about feelings and if people try we just kick them out. That’s how our generation of “The Falls” deals with these kinds of things. 

Well since there is nothing to do I decided to grab my headphones from my room and go downstairs to clean up the mess I’ve started to work on in the kitchen. It took some time but the music made it less annoying. I’ve never been a fan of cleaning but I noticed that it can be sort of fun if you dance and simply don’t care. After I finished I made myself a smoothie before heading back to my room. If Mildret can stay there the whole day I sure can too. I checked Discord for either notifications or if someone was online. Luckly, one of my friends from Royal Holloway was online. 

Her name is Lucia, Lucia Alessia Amantea. She came to the UK for her health studies around 2 years ago. This year is her final year, and I don’t know how I’ll deal with this all once she’s back home. I decided to text her a simple “Hi <3” before laying down on my bed and listening to the podcast. I looked at the ceiling for a while until I noticed that I was getting quite sleepy. I thought why not and layed myself to rest. A few hours later, I got up. It was 10pm by now and I wasn’t able to sleep at all. My Discord was dying due to a stack overflow on messages from Lucia. She asked if I was fine, if I needed to talk, the basic friend things people always say when they have a weird feeling about some other person. I just texted her that everything was fine but a glance on her insta made clear that I will not get an answer this day. Lucia is everything and nothing you could expect out of a person. She has a star record in school, being the teacher's pet and studying a lot while still being the hottest girl on every teenage party on the campus. Sadly, she had to move rooms so that she has a “roomy” now. I don’t know her name but Lucia says she’s really nice. They talk a lot but also not. She parties sometimes but prefers being out in bigger cities like London. She’s in her second year and to be honest, Lucia has no plan on why she has a “roomy” now, but at least she’s not that alone then. I personally haven’t seen her. I rarely visit schools in general and even fewer friends once I’m there. But when I'm at schools like Royal Holloway, I try to catch the people I care about for a cup of tea in the main building or something similar. Sometimes when we speak, we notice the language barrier between the two of us, especially when I use some sub english slang no person knows outside of the UK. But Lucia is also teaching me Italian in return. It’s not easy but I managed to learn quite well within the first year. That’s also the reason on how we got to know each other. Through Erasmus and a Scholarship, Lucia managed to get into Royal Holloway, but she was drowning in application letters and so on, so she decided to call for help. I was the one answering her call. And then, on her first week we met in one of the many hallways. She was confused about finding one of the rooms so I showed her. I talked a lot with her on the way, so much that I waited till her lesson was over to show her around for a second time. 

Lucia was one of the people I connected with almost instantly. We lowkey had the same interests and surprisingly the same taste in music. It didn’t take long until both of us exchanged out discord tags so we started messaging each other. I also watched her participate in a basketball match. I didn’t understand what happened there but it was nice to see the passion in her eyes all the time. Lucia is a really passionate woman in general. No matter if it’s the studies, partying or playing games, Lucia is always full of joy. I think that’s one of the things I enjoy most about her, and her looks. She would fit really well together with Jesse to be honest, especially when going out. I don’t think they would be a cute couple though. They would be hot together yes but as far as I know Jesse, they would think the same. Lucia isn’t really their type. I just messaged her “è ok tesora” which is shit Italian for it’s okay darling. And yes don’t blame my Italian skills, it's all part of the learning process.

I also started up all the dating apps I have on my phone. I just want to see if something interesting has happened. But no. No Mx. Right being there, obviously. I’m not a big fan of dating apps to be fair but I’m also really needy sometimes so I think they do their job. I feel like a lot of people just tinder or whatever because they are bored and want to judge people. I mean that’s why I downloaded it. Waiting till you find the right person there that makes you happy? Fck that. People on dating apps can be really gross and I’m happy I haven’t met so many yet. Gosh sometimes I hate people. They can make you feel miserable and unwanted for so many reasons. I already have a hard time connecting with people, even though that is what I lowkey do for a living. Everytime I try to get in touch with someone I try so hard not to be cringe and weird but I just make everything worse. Some of my friends called me an underdog for a long period of time. It’s stupid because even an Underdog shines bright as the night light. I think often people try to be nice while acting really selfish. I mean I do too. I'm selfish but at least I admit it. If I don't want to meet anyone I don't. I have my reasons. Others may not understand them but well, I simply don't care. I don't care what others think of me. I already assume they hate me so it's either proven right or I get a pleasant surprise. Not that either happened. 

Well enough drowning in thoughts already. I shut down my PC and turned alexa on again to play some of the older episodes of my favorite podcast. It’s 2 in the morning so I try to sleep really fast, which I did. I’m also sorry for my blog but I don't have the time to write it tomorrow so I just wrote it the night before! I hope that whoever is reading this will not be upset with me.

I wonder what tomorrow holds.

[studiomkm]

Divine Modernity: Baldur

Angela Schafer had gone to the same gym twice a week for nearly three years. It was a fairly typical gym, with all the standard equipment that one would expect to see there and all the standard people who would use said equipment. Some women would do yoga in one corner while ludicrously buff men would lift weights on the opposite side of the gym. Angela herself would mix up her workout as often as she could while she people watched to whatever random podcast had managed to keep her attention that week.

It was her hobby of people watching that caused her to inevitably take notice of one particular guy at the gym. It wasn’t the fact that he braided his beard, that he muttered to himself in a language that she was pretty sure was Scandinavian or even how his slim body never seemed to gain tone that had captured her attention so thoroughly. It was his workout.

Every day she came to the gym to workout, she would do so with whatever she had decided to use for about an hour. Before she even walked in the door, she would see him on the treadmill and he never left it the entire time she was at the gym. Even after she finished using the gym’s shower and headed out, he would still be jogging away on that exact same treadmill.

Curiosity eventually got the better of her and she asked one of the attendants about him. The young employee confirmed what she had already suspected, that the treadmill was the only piece of equipment anyone ever saw him use. She began to come to the gym more often every week, just to see if the slender man would ever get off the treadmill but he never did.

Eventually, her curiosity about the man simply became too much to bear and she decided to simply talk to him so she could finally stop obsessing. She went in on a Tuesday and found the man right where she expected and thankfully, the treadmill next to his just so happened to be empty. She went onto it and started up a power walking routine while she pondered how exactly to speak to the mysterious jogging man next to her. She noticed that he seemed to be singing under his breath in that foreign language while he jogged, almost as if he were using it to keep a rhythm going.

“What song are you singing?” she asked to break the ice.

The man looked at her and blinked, as if he couldn’t believe that she had actually spoken to him. She gave him a smile that she hoped wasn’t awkward and walked in place on the treadmill as she waited to see if he would actually respond. The silence had just become unbearable when he finally answered.

“It’s some old rowing song I somehow remember from a very long time ago. The words don’t mean anything but it was always very catchy to me for some reason.” he said easily despite the intensity and length of his workout.

“A rowing song? Really?” she asked, curious.

“Well, I don’t really get much into pop music these days.” The man answered with a smirk and a chuckle.

Angela couldn’t help but chuckle along with him despite the fact she didn’t really understand the joke behind his words. She held out an unsteady hand as she her treadmill began to slowly speed up under her feet.

“I’m Angela, by the way. Sorry if I put you off.” She said. The man cocked an eyebrow as his smirk grew deeper before he took her hand and shook it.

“Ah, I know why you seem familiar now. You’re the woman I’ve kept catching staring at me all this time. I was hoping that you just found me handsome.” he said as he kept a hold of her hand.

Angela found herself suddenly blushing and nearly tripped on the treadmill. The man’s hand kept her upright until she found herself steady once again. She hadn’t expected that he had noticed that she had been watching him. If anything, he always seemed far too focused on his workout to be able to notice the world around him. She felt as though she’d gotten caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Oh... well, I mean…” she stuttered out while her brain rebooted. “It’s not as though you’re not handsome, I just got curious because I noticed that you never seem to do anything but jog on the treadmill. For a really long time too. I was really curious as to why, Mister…?”

“Baldur.” He finally said, “And as for why I only jog, well… it’s really all I can do. Strength training is impossible for me.”

“Impossible?” Angela wondered.

“Well, yeah. I’m Baldur.” he said as though it explained everything.

Angela resisted the urge to blink at him, in case it came off as sarcastic. She honestly had no idea what she was supposed to infer just from his name and could nothing but offer a polite smile as she shrugged and shook her head. Baldur seemed un-amused.

“You aren’t very well read on mythological history, are you?” he asked her with a slight grimace.

“Mythological history? What is…” she began to say when the obvious finally dawn on her.

She lost her footing once more and fell forward. She barely managed to grab onto the handrails to prevent being thrown off the treadmill entirely and slammed the off button before the machine’s belt could toss her like a rag doll.

“You’re a god?!” she whispered harshly as she scrambled back onto her feet.

“I’m not sure why you’re whispering, but yes. I’m a member of what you humans call the Norse Pantheon these days.” Baldur said in a normal tone as he jogged on as if he were talking about nothing more serious than the weather.

“Were you one of the ones who… well... you know.” she wondered quietly.

Baldur groaned loudly, rolled his eyes and shut off his machine so he could turn to face her fully with an irritated expression. Angela suddenly felt worried for her safety and reflexively shrank as far back from him as the handrails on the treadmill would allow her to.

“No.” he said in an irritated tone. “ I know you don’t humans don’t live for all that long compared to us but the God Wars were barely over 5 years ago. They teach kids about it in history during elementary school. How do you honestly not know that Loki was the only member of our pantheon who was involved on that side of the whole affair? He was a double agent for you humans!”

“I… never really did well in school. Sorry.” she replied, a bit dejected.

Baldur sighed, shook his head, then gave her a small smile.

“Don’t worry about it. Just… maybe get caught up on your history, in case you ever meet another god. Alright?”

Angela nodded her head as she returned his smile with her own awkward one. Baldur turned back around and returned to his jog. Angela didn’t really feel much like continuing her workout and decided to call it quits for the day. She grabbed her things and walked away, with one last glance behind her to the god she had unintentionally provoked. He gave her a kindly, unconcerned smile she tried her best to reciprocate as she walked out of the door.

Maybe she could make today up to him next time…

[rivisions]

🎙️ little freak.

present mic x reader / hizashi yamada x reader.

smut/nsfw themes. 18+ content.

sub!reader, dom!hizashi, voice kink, size kink, hair pulled, fingering, classroom sex. also kinda fluff.

working an inspection week at UA high seemed like a fun trip, but you had an obvious hard time keeping yourself energized.

it was hard to stay focused, theres was always some sort of explosion going off, thanks to katsuki.

you mainly worked alongside the teachers rather than the students though. and one always managed to catch your eye as being peculiarly different.

“and that’s why, my dear listeners, this new class is so important! they’ll spark an uproar fo’ sho!”

hizashi was in his own element, in a room recording his very own podcast. you actually listened to it before even coming to UA to inspect, it was kind of cool to see a behind the scenes.

hizashi noticed you stopped in the hallway after he stopped recording.

“sorry my dear! didn’t mean to be that loud!”

he noticed your name tag, noticed that you were there yesterday, and somehow got .. scared of that?

“sorry! apologies! i promise these walls are firm! built to stand and last! nothing but the best or nothing to worry about!”

you laughed, he was quite the entertainer.

“it’s okay, don’t worry. i actually thought it was kinda cool, since i listened to your talk show stuff before i even came here for this week”.

his eyes lit up and he nearly jumped out his own skin.

“you do? i knew i had such a trusting and loving fanbase!”

you laughed at the floor as you pushed your hair behind your ear. he was giddy, but managed to act so focused on you.

he ran behind you and got so close to your neck you could feel his heavy breathing from jumping everywhere.

“i guess my fanbase is pretty loyal, huh?”

your eyes nearly popped out your skull.

you thought, “i didn’t know he was.. like this.” and you weren’t complaining.

“well, of course, mr. mic.”

“oh please,” he moved closer to your ear, “call me hizashi.”

he laughed and walked down the hallway to aizawa’s room, probably to interrupt and cause a scene.

you’d never seen that side of him though. you weren’t going to argue with it though.

• • •

you came back to UA the next day, not really focusing too much on what you were supposed to be doing and rather on where hizashi was.

“there you are! i’ve been super stoked to showing you around!”

you knew that energetic announcer voice anywhere, and it was coming from behind you.

you tried to turn around, but hizashi ran up to put his hands on your shoulders and reintroduce himself to you. like you could forget him.

“i’d really love to show you around! specifically the nicer parts of course, since that’s what i want you to see.”

he started walking with you, arm wrapped around your neck, almost begging for you to be closer. but that’s just his personality anyway.

“i actually kind of finished all my work inspection wise. i’m not sure why they send me out here for a full week when i can finish in a day.”

“oh! you’re here all week? well you just have to come and sit in one of my suuuuper totally awesome lectures then!”

“what are you teaching here anyway? mathematics? public speaking?”

“i’m almost offended! i’m an english professor can’t you tell!” he looked almost distraught.

you laughed it off, “apologies, it actually kind of makes sense now, teaching the new heroes proper grammar and all.”

he turned to you while you were still walking, “oh trust me dear listener, i know how to use my words very well, do you?” , he whispered. it sent shivers down your core.

before you could get an answer out, he thankfully cut you off.

“just messin’ with ya! making sure you’re looking alive throughout my tour!”

you smiled at each other for a moment, and you looked around the building for the next 25 minutes with a grin thanks to hizashi’s colorful commentary.

•••

you ended your tour with him back into his classroom, and he backed you into his desk, kind of without noticing. he’s nearly 6’2 in those boots. but it was kind of hot.

he took his directional speaker off, and you didn’t expect him to look so different without it. but you kind of were digging it.

“now, is there anything else i haven’t shown you?”

you eventually sat completely on his desk as he seemed to take control over you without even knowing it.

“well you haven’t exactly told me what you can do, present mic.”

he got closer to you, and tilted your chin up with his gloved hand.

“it’s hizashi, love. i promise i don’t bite. unless you want me to.”

your face got tomato red, and hizashi noticed, taking note of it and huffed.

“my linguistics seem to have an effect on you dear.”

you grinned. “nothing but the good kind of effects, ‘zashi.”

without even thinking, your legs split, and he took action on that.

his hand slid under your skirt and on your inner thigh, rubbing circles.

you let out a high pitched whine as he got closer to your heat, but covered your mouth with your hand.

“hmm, guess my voice is pretty powerful.”

you just nodded, afraid that if you spoke it would come out as a moan.

he took your hand off your mouth, and got closer to your face.

“there is no need to hide that pretty little voice of yours. let it out my listener.”

your body listened to him apparently, as your head flew back and a moan escaped your body.

“that’s my girl.”

his thumb finally reached your clothed clit, as he pulled your panties aside and rubbed gentle circles on your clit. he was sending you over the moon with just his voice already, but this is so much better.

his index finger finally slid into you after what seemed like hours. he was pumping into you at a slow pace at first, but sped up as he laid farther into you.

eventually you both were nearly lying on his desk, as his fingers steadily pumped in and out of you.

your head fell backwards and hizashi didn’t waste any time, painting hickeys all over your neck.

your shirt eventually unbuttoned because of how hizashi was lying on you, and one of his hands made its way up to your boob.

he painted kisses all down your sternum, your body arched into him, as you slowly started to reach your climax.

“close aren’t’cha babe?”

your eyes squeezed shut as you nodded and let out a small “mhmm”.

“‘zashi! don’t sto-op!”, you whined as you came over his fingers, nearly staining his gloves.

“wanna flip over for me, hun?”

you grinned and flipped to where your boobs pressed against his desk. you could hear him undoing his belt, and gasped as his tip slid into your pussy.

“sorry, i know it’s gonna hurt, you just gotta go slow, okay?”

“no! no i’m okay, ke-ep going.. hmm.”

“didn’t know i was messin’ with a little freak, huh?”

you grinned back at him, but your head quickly shot back after he pushed his full length into you.

“ya good sweetheart?”

“mhmm! ple-ease more ‘zashi!”

“hold on baby, i don’t wanna hurt you,” he growled.

“promise you won’t, please?”

he rolled his eyes and grinned as his pace sped up, and his exposed chest that had unzipped was pressed against your back kept you warm.

your head kept falling on his desk and student’s papers kept getting stuck on your forehead and he noticed, so he pulled your hair back and wrapped it around his hand.

“nngh! oh god oh my god.”

“oh you like that, huh?”

he kept his pace, leaning into your ear, letting out deep huffs into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. he was speaking huskily and his hair was disheveled. those products didn’t keep well and his hair was falling over your back.

“you’re close, aren’t you?”

you nodded, letting out a couple long drawn breathy moans, hoping that suffice for an answer.

“fuck! fu-ck don’t stop ‘ashi!”

he didn’t, he just got closer and more intimately closer to you, painting more hickeys down your back.

he was groaning, whining almost, “never knew you were this- hmph- tight hun”

“oh?” you pretended to act shocked.

“mhmm! fu-uck, i’m”

he didn’t even get to finish his sentence before he was filling your insides. you both somehow synced your climaxes together, both of you filling the room with the sounds of your harmonic moans.

he was panting over you, and you basically molded yourself to the desk as he pulled out of you, cum dripping all over your clothes you threw on the floor.

“sorry my dear listener, i’ll get you cleaned up.”

he held your waist and flipped you around, and the bareness of the desk made you shiver.

he came leaned over you to grab a towel from a drawer out of his desk and cleaned both of you up and picked you up to carry you to sit in his lap in his desk chair.

you straddled him with your hands sitting on his shoulders, as his arms wrapped around your waist. he was pampering you with kisses everywhere, focusing on your forehead.

“you a-okay?”

“yeah, just still in the nude from the waist down though,” you both giggled.

he looked down and realized he never zipped his pants back up, “oh! where are my manners hun!”, and zipped them.

“sorry about that, i have an extra pair of sweatpants in my desk? if they fit ya?”

he opened the drawer and pulled them out as you stood up and put them on.

“thank you mic”.

“i like that one! aizawa doesn’t call me that anymore, so validating!”

you smiled into him, almost burying yourself into his arms.

“i’ll take note.”

“you’ve got to come up here more than just the rest of this week!”

“i think i’m planning on it.. i’ll miss you too bad.”

[itrytowrite-things]

Murder podcasts

Spencer Reid x reader 

Summary: Y/N has a tendency to listen to murder podcasts while doing chores, one day Spencer comes in unannounced scaring Y/N into action. (This summary sucks but it’s fluffy) 

A/N: shout out to @with-paint, she helped me form some of this fic so check them out. 

The eerie background music and narrator filled the kitchen as I scrubbed diligently at a plate. I blinked down at it, trying in vain to remember what the hell I used it for that would cause such a stubborn stain of food. Sighing, I squeezed the soap bottle some more and ran hot water over it. Maybe soaking it would help? 

Grabbing a few of the cups I had washed, I spun around from the sink to a towel I had laid out earlier. I scrunched my nose as cold soap suds ran down my arm, hit my elbow and fell to the floor in a sticky mess I didn’t want to deal with right now. 

I was so engrossed in the podcast playing over the Alexa that I barely even processed the grueling chore that was longer than normal. I was lost in the words, that an hour longer scrubbing at dishes seemed almost fun. The dishwasher had completely died a couple of weeks ago. 

Normally Spencer would speed read the manual to figure out what was wrong with the stupid machine. But unfortunately, his case in Michigan was taking longer than he anticipated. So, he hadn’t been home to look into it, leaving me to hand wash the dishes. I didn’t mind, it was a mindless task and allowed me to catch up on my favorite podcast. 

“They found her body a week later, twenty minutes from their house,” I shook my head at that, case freaking solved. Her husband obviously killed her. I mean there’s no way the police didn’t solve this case, come on.

I moved from the towel back to the sink, sticking my hands back into the soapy water. I always believed that I should be a detective. I could solve these cases easily, Spencer claims that suspicion can only take me so far and the reason that they don’t catch the guy is not because they don’t suspect it, but because they don’t have hard evidence. I normally just scoff and give him a kiss knowing that I would get the bad guy in the end, “hard evidence” my ass. 

“Two months later the police came in and found Jeff’s disembodied head laying on their kitchen counter.” My jaw dropped and I turned around furiously, bringing a wet butter knife with me, on instinct I pointed the knife at the device. 

“Oh shit.” I said to the speaker, as if it were relaying the case itself. Well turns out I was wrong. I cleared my throat and lowered the stupid knife. I placed it down and tried my best to look less scandalized. We all make mistakes. So I might have been a little off in my husband theory, but I mean I had only heard half the case at that point so it doesn’t speak anything of my amazing detective skills. I nodded at that and tossed the knife into a little stack of silverware. The metallic sound echoing around the kitchen. I smirked at my good throw and turned back to the sink. 

I quickly got into the true grove of washing the dishes, listening to the more gruesome details of the case. Turns out the killer did quite a number on old Jeff. I was halfway done with the remaining dishes when I felt a tap on my shoulder sending my heart into a frenzy. 

I whirled around quickly bringing the closest item with me as a weapon. The plastic spatula slapped the asalint straight in the face creating an awfully loud twack sound that bounced off the kitchen walls. I blinked in horror at realizing who exactly was standing in front of me. 

Spencer's cheek turned red immediately. 

“Oh my god! Spence! I am so sorry!” I dropped the spatula and brought my other hand to his face trying to soothe his skin. My hand was covered in water and soap suds, and it dripped down his face onto the already wet floor.

“I am so so sorry. You scared me.” I rubbed my thumb over the spot, feeling his heated skin. Jesus, I felt awful. I didn’t hold anything back when I hit him. I figured I was fending for my life, not greeting my boyfriend. 

“It’s okay.” His much larger hand cupped mine removing it from his face. The redness had died down a little, making his skin a rosy pink instead of the previous bright red. He looked adorable which only made me feel worse. Who looks that cute after getting slapped in the face with a spatula? 

Spencer startled me yet again when a chuckle came bubbling out of him. His laugh was like someone bottled the sound of happiness. It made my own laughter arise every time without a doubt even if I didn’t understand what was funny.

“I guess I don’t have to worry about you protecting yourself.” A loud squeak sound emitted from my body unexpectedly followed by more laughter. I slapped him very lightly across the chest, kissing his unharmed cheek. 

“You're lucky I wasn’t cutting vegetables.” I said,  rustling my way into his arms pulling his body against my tightly, loving the way his laughter shook my entire body. I felt the short press of his lips against the crown of my head before tucking my head into the nook of his neck. I inhaled deeply, taking the scent of him with me. The apartment had started to lose its scent with him being gone for so long. I was beyond eager for the apartment to smell like us again.

“I think those podcasts are giving you wild ideas.” 

“They would never find your body Dr.Reid.” I teased, poking gently at his side making him squirm in my grip. Another round of laughter filled the small space, it was only when it died down that I realized my podcast was still running in the background. 

“Alexa, stop,” I shouted into the air stopping the podcast. “The neighbor did it.” I said with coincidence knowing that my answer was correct this time. Spencer let out a belt of laughter, nodding his head, a big grin on his face. 

I pulled back from Spencer taking in his features for the first time. He looked tired, his eye bags had doubled creating a skunk in effect. I could see the trouble in his eyes, the case was hard. It killed me to see him after a hard case, he looked more and more defeated after each one. However, it was what he loved doing and my job wasn’t to erase the trauma of his job, but to ease him back into daily life. I thumbed his eye bags lazily, a pout taking over my face. 

“You wanna take a shower and I’ll start us some dinner.” I asked gently. Not wanting to completely destroy the quiet we created. He nodded slightly looking younger than ever. I quickly pulled him back into me taking all of his weight. “I love you bub.” His hair felt silky against my fingertips as I disentangled the curls. 

“Love you too.” He mumbled, his heated breath warming my skin. I waited a few comfortable minutes rocking our conjoined bodies in the cozy silence of our kitchen, I took a deep breath and said what was on my mind. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

I don’t ever ask Spencer for the details of his cases. He either goes into a tangent without prompting or doesn’t feel like talking about it. I used to think that talking to Spencer about his job would be like listening to my murder podcasts. It honestly was one of the things I was excited for, but I soon found out it’s nothing like that.

When Spencer spoke of cases it was personal. He felt every death that was caused and saw every killing through the eyes of monsters. He held so much emotion in his voice when he spoke of the victims, that I often can’t help but cry. How a person can hold that much pain and still continue to do it everyday, is beside me. 

He shook his head, squeezing my torso before finally pulling back and placing a soft kiss to my lips. 

I continued the dishes, washing the last few. I left the podcast off, listening instead to the shower from down the hall. I scrubbed off the last of the grime before starting the oven. A simple dinner was always best in these situations. I pulled out a pre-made chicken pot pie from the freezer and placed it in the oven. 

As I moved to dry and put away the dishes while waiting for pie to finish. Spencer emerged from the bathroom freshly bathed. He wore a thin gray shirt paired with some soft looking sweatpants. My upper lip jutted out automatically. God I love him. 

“Feel better?” I kept my voice low, not wanting to startle any peace that the shower might have brought him. He nodded slowly. 

“What did you cook?”

“A chicken pot pie, I hope that’s okay.” 

“It’s perfect.” He smiled and returned to my arms, kissing my neck once before tucking his head into my neck. The edge of his wet hair scraped against my skin in an uncomfortable way, yet I only moved enough to rub circles into his back. 

A loud beep emitted from the oven caused me to jump in Spencer's arms. He let out a small chuckle. 

“Pick us something to watch and I’ll plate us some food.” I hummed turning my back to him. I heard him walking towards the living room as I bent to retrieve the hot food. 

Spencer sat criss cross on the couch, Les Enfants du Paradis was displayed on the TV. I handed him the steaming bowl and sat down, sitting close enough for our knees to knock together. I have no idea what Les Enfants du Paradis was, but I would watch literally anything he wanted as long as he was here. 

“It’s in French, but I figured I could whisper the translations to you while we watch. Or I could pick something else?” 

“No! This is perfect Spence. I love it when you translate, you tell the story better.” He let out a little blush highlighting his previous slap mark. I bit my lip and winced slightly, “How’s your face?” 

He touched the spot faintly, he didn’t wince when his fingers made contact which was a good sign. However, I have an inkling that a small bruise would form in the center of the slap which was going to be a fun story to tell his colleagues Monday. 

“I’ve had worse, but you wield a lot of power with a cheap piece of plastic.”

“I am professionally trained in the art of spatula wielding Spence, don’t try that at home.” I stared at him, my face blank before a blast of laughter came out of both of us. One can only be so serious when you are talking about slapping people in the face with kitchen utensils. 

Spencer started up the movie, and we remained there for the rest of the evening. Laughter and dramatic sighs followed by even more dramatic translations from Spencer. At some point he went so off script that even I could tell his story was bullshit. I didn’t call him out though just allowed him to spit nonsense, I would let him create fake French stories until he was blue in the face if that meant we got to stay in this happy bubble forever. 

[thebrightsessions]

Entertainment Spotlight: Ian McQuown

Ian is an LA based actor and producer known for the YouTube comedy group, Extremely Decent, as well as a voice actor in the popular audio dramas: The Bright Sessions, The AM Archives, StarTripper!! & Deck The Halls! His credits inclue American Housewife, Trial & Error, Better Things, and For All Mankind. Ian took the time to answer some questions for us. Check it out:

You’ve worked on multiple podcasts -- what drew you to the medium?

Well, to be honest, Lauren drew me to it because TBS was my first narrative podcast. We met at a Rocky Horror Picture Show show. Anna Lore is our mutual friend and I think Anna is just talented as all get out, so anything she’s involved I want to be in. And, I don’t know, it was just one of those lucky breaks you get where a door opens and takes you to all these cool places you never anticipated.

On podcasting though, I really appreciate how much more possible it is to tell engaging stories without the boundaries of having to afford a set and a camera and insurance and etc etc etc. Like, I grew up with Star Wars, The Matrix, Cowboy Bebop— so when I imagine the stories I like, I’m usually picturing other worlds, space ships, people with super powers and those types of stories used to have a lot higher barrier to entry to make than they do now, which is just awesome.

If you could give a character from The Bright Sessions a spinoff series, who would you choose and what would the series be called?

I mean, no surprises here, but I’d love to see Damien’s early years. And I’d be super clever and call it something like... Damien: The Early Years. I'm dying for that content a little bit actually: Damien, before he became such a bad guy. Maybe a love story that doesn’t work out and leaves him really scarred? Villains so bad they created a villain instead of a victim—  that moment where we see the two roads Damien has to choose between and it totally shreds us when he makes the choice we all know he’s going to make, I mean, come ON you can see that, right? It’d be like the Star Wars prequels but without all the youngling killing and “NOOOOOOOO”’s and I want it.

Can you share a fun story or anecdote from the making of The Bright Sessions?

Haha, ok well it’s not really anything of note BUT: I remember Lauren had this area rug in her room, which as you probably know is where we would record, and it was this really nice, I think, red sort of floral rug that took up pretty much all the floor space because it was covering up the older apartment rug-floor underneath it. And it was, as I said, really cool, except it wasn’t a rug on a wood floor, right? It was a rug on a rug so it was a bit taller than the people who designed the room had planned for— the result of which was that you’d walk in and the room had this really awesome little vibe with this cute rug, and it was all very cozy, unless you looked directly behind you at the corner where the door had just spent ages scraping the surface of it, catching the corner, tearing little pieces out. And I may be getting apocryphal at this point, but I feel like by the time I had started coming around Lauren had straight up duct taped it to the floor, which really didn’t help the problem. And, I don’t know—again it’s not really anything momentous—but I just remember giving Lauren a particular amount of shit about it one day and us all having a really good laugh. And I really love that— there are jobs where you show up, keep your head down, do your work and leave, but then there are jobs like The Bright Sessions where you all get to become friends, and even if you don’t see each other for a while you sort of just get to pick up where you left off. And then those jobs turn into other jobs and you get to keep hanging out with your friends and peers and just making stuff you like— I’m a big fan of that.

If your life was a choose your own adventure, what decisions would viewers have to make on an average day?

OKAY, you wake up...

Water your garden before it gets to be 110 today, you cannot skip this step. You may however:

A) Stay out in the garden for longer if you get inspired and check if the tomatoes and peppers are ripe for picking.

Great! Now let’s make breakfast:

A) Make eggs, toast, fried tomatoes, and hash browns? 

B) Make (A) But also with Bacon? 

C) Make a smoothie?

D) There’s no time today, run to Whole Foods and get their incredibly priced $6 Egg, Bacon Cheese Breakfast burrito.

Awesome! You’ve eaten and now you can think. What work do you have to do?

A) Prep your audition, dummy! It’s due this afternoon, go fix your hair. 

B) You have a zoom meeting with actor friends at 11 to play around with some new material, put on a hat.

C) There is nothing you have to work on so stare at your computer and wonder if there’s new project you could be working on. Try to find that project, leave your hair as it.

Wow! You really had a great (insert previous choice here), let’s get you a coffee and take a TV break. What should we watch?!

A) That new show you haven’t seen yet because you need to watch everything so you know how to work on it should you get an audition for it.

B) Harley Quinn (your favorite new cartoon).

C) Teenage Bounty Hunters.

D) Farscape.

E) Nope, you just got an audition for tomorrow, everything is off the table, start working on it (Level Complete).

Lunch Time!!!

A) Turkey sandwich with pickles from the garden?

B) Trader Joe’s Margherita Pizza with basil and peppers from the garden?

C) Are we going to start another loaf of sourdough you basic mf?

D) Yes we probably are, but also (A) and (B).

Cool! I’ve eaten lunch. Now what?

A) You haven’t finished that work from this morning. Riiiight.

B)…More Harley Quinn…?

C) Let’s make pasta from scratch!

D) Let’s make ribs! From…ribs!

F) You just got an audition for tomorrow, everything is off the table, start working on it. (Level Complete).

Bangarang! You probably chose to start cooking dinner immediately after eating lunch. You ate it (and it rocked), what now?

A) You just got an audition for tomorrow, everything is off the table, start working on it. (Level Complete)

B) DnD with squad.

C) Go on a run, dude— you’re getting a Jaba chin….

D) Bring on the chin! Let’s watch TV until 2am! Here are your options:

A) Harley Quinn (your new favorite cartoon)

B) Teenage Bounty Hunters

C) Farscape

D) Put The Office on in the background and clean your house.

Level Complete.

As you can see I’m a very food-focused person. Also, I’m going to be real, that is truly what most of my days look like and I’m low-key a little mortified that ’taking a shower’ wasn’t a game option... 

Can you share your favorite piece of Bright Sessions / AM Archives fan art?

I love all the fan art that people make for my characters but this one from Franartz has always been really special to me. It’s so GQ, I just love it — and some of my favorite early AG moments are with Damien, who looks a little like he stepped out of a Gorrilaz album here— big fan. I’m a little obsessed with fan art actually, I save everything I come across— there’s a freckled red-headed series of Owen by TheFigureInTheCorner that makes me really happy. Seeing that my work has inspired someone else to make something of their own is really what’s up, you know? It makes me think about all the art and entertainment that has touched me over the years and I get a lot of joy from being a part of that cycle.

Thanks for taking the time, Ian! Give I Can Die When I'm Done a relisten right here.

[swordandquill]

Leverage Writing Prompt #31

Title: Future Tides

Fandom: Leverage

Summary: Nate has been keeping a secret from the team, but an inopportune explosion forces him to reveal it.

This is a prompt fill for @leverage-writing-prompts. I actually submitted this prompt back in July, but only got around to finishing it now.

In honor of the beautiful (and also occasionally creepy) mer-May art I still have circulating on my dash: Parker (or Nate) is secretly a merperson. When a job goes wrong, they’re forced to reveal their secret.

@rinahale did a really fun fill for it already with Mer-Parker.

You can go here to read this on AO3 instead.

Author’s notes: The merrow are Irish merfolk who require a magical cap to move between land and sea.

Bone and Sickle podcast by Al Ridenour did a really great episode on the Kraken (Ep 65: The Kraken & Other Marvels of the Northern Sea). In its earliest renditions, the Kraken was a sea serpent. It was only later that it became associated with first giant octopi, then the giant squid.

*************

Nate knew as soon as the explosion knocked Eliot over the railing of the pier that he only had one option. Eliot was strong swimmer, but not stronger than the turbulent currents under the pier, particularly if he was unconscious. Nate hadn’t been able to tell in the split second it had taken to register him going over.

Even as he was yelling for the rest of the team to get off the burning structure, he was shucking off his shoes and jumping over the railings. He hoped they listened. The rickety structure was going to collapse, with or without another explosion. Getting to Eliot before he got bashed into the pylons was going to be enough of a challenge without having to worry about the rest of the team ending up in the water.

By the time Nate hit the water, his fingernails had hardened into claws, and he used them to tear the rest of his clothes off so he could finish the change. There was something euphoric about settling into his other form. He hadn’t changed since before Sam was born, and it was like finally allowing himself to scratch an itch that had been burning its way through his skin.

There wasn’t time to think about that though. Nate blinked his second eyelid closed, and the murky water sharpened into black and white, the fire above reflecting through the water in bright, washed-out streaks. He had to fight the chaotic currents rushing under the pier to stay still long enough to spot Eliot.

He had already been swept under the pier, probably already been driven into the pylons at least once, and was limp in the water. Nate flicked his tail and pushed into the current, using it to reach Eliot before he could be driven into the pylons again, but he wasn’t able to get them clear of the pier before the next surge. The best he could do was curl around Eliot and turn them so his back hit the pylon instead of Eliot. He was going to be bruised, but it was better than Eliot hitting again.

He pushed hard across the current and surfaced a good four meters from the pier. Eliot started coughing as soon as they broke the surface. The shear relief of it left Nate drifting for a moment, Eliot’s head tipped back against his shoulder and the rip tide pulling them out. There was blood fanning across Eliot’s face from a cut at his temple, and he wasn’t quite conscious, but he was breathing, and for now, that was enough.

Nate cut across the rip to escape it, then brought them into shore, doing his best to keep Eliot’s head above water, although there was no doubt he had breathed in more water by the time they reached the shore.

Changing back was not as easy or simple as the change to had been, but Nate had known it wouldn’t be, known he couldn’t deny his body something it had been craving for so long, then expect it to just let go of it so quickly again. It meant he had to drag Eliot up onto the beach with a tail, which was less than ideal and required more arm strength than he was used to using in either form, but he managed it.

He turned Eliot on his side in the sand as he continued to cough up water. Part of him wanted to leave him here for the team to find and make a break for it before they saw. Eliot was unlikely to remember anything, and Nate was sure he could make something up that would appease them. Then nothing would have to change.  

Eliot’s eyes fluttered open, and he shifted fitfully, his whole body shaking with cold and shock.

“Just lie still,” Nate brushed the wet hair from his face with a webbed hand, “you’re alright.”

Eliot blinked up at him, and Nate waited for the reaction, but Eliot just gave an unsurprised “oh” before another coughing fit had him curling back into himself.

Nate let out a sigh and rubbed his back. He couldn’t wait to hear what “distinctive” thing about him had tipped Eliot off to what he was.

Someone yelled his name, and he looked up to see three silhouettes, framed against the light of the burning pier and racing towards them. It was a relief to see them, but Nate couldn’t help the unease as they got closer.

Parker reached them first, too focused on Eliot to pay much attention to Nate. She dropped down in the sand next to them, grabbing Eliot’s shoulder and shaking him in the Parker version of gentleness. Eliot batted at her weakly, but curled closer to her none-the-less. It wasn’t until Nate brushed her hand away when she tried to poke Eliot that she finally looked up at him.

Nate braced himself for fear, or disgust, or any number of negative reactions, but her face lit up like she’d just received a bag of non-sequentially numbered bills.

“You have cool teeth!” she told him brightly.

Nate’s world snapped back into place and all the unease drained out of him.

“Thank you, Parker,” he said drolly, just managing to not run his tongue over the points of his teeth.

“Oh my,” Sophie stopped short as she reached them, and Hardison almost ran into her.

“What is it?” the hacker demanded anxiously, “is Eliot…”

Hardison trailed off, mouth open and eyes wide at the sight of Nate’s tail.

“Nate’s a mermaid,” Parker announced gleefully.

“Do I look like a maid to you?” Nate groused.

“Maybe if you had a feather duster,” Sophie was giving him a look that said they would be having a long, unpleasant conversation later, “and a frilly little French smock.”

“Mermaids are real?” Hardison sputtered.

“Merrow,” Eliot corrected hazily, then curled into another coughing fit.

Nate was never going to hear the end of this from any of them. The fast-approaching sirens were almost a relief.

“Get him out of here,” Nate helped Parker to sit Eliot up, “don’t let him tell you he doesn’t need a hospital. He’s got water in his lungs.”

Hardison ducked down and helped Parker get Eliot to his feet. He swayed unsteadily, and the two were quick to get his arms around their shoulders and take his weight.

“What about you?” Sophie gestured towards his tail.

“Changing back takes longer,” Nate made a shooing motion, “I’ll catch up with you later.”

“You promise?” Parker demanded, refusing to be dragged in the direction Hardison was trying to usher both her and Eliot, “not like the little mermaid; you won’t turn into sea foam for loving humans?”

“No, not like that,” Nate assured her with an eyeroll, “hurry up and get out of here so I can too.”

“But you promise,” Parker refused to budge, “you’ll catch up later. You won’t disappear.”

“I promise,” Nate snapped, “go already.”

Parker grinned and turned back to help Hardison with Eliot.

“Don’t think I won’t send a trawler after you if I have to,” Sophie threatened, then turned to follow the rest of the team in the direction of the waiting van.

Nate didn’t doubt she would, and that they would find him, but he didn’t have any intention of making them do that. For now though, he pushed back into the water and let the waves carry him back out towards the open sea.

**********

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were a mermaid,” Hardison hissed, voice low in a futile attempt to not wake Eliot.

“Merrow,” Eliot mumbled groggily.

Futile because Eliot wasn’t sleeping. Exhausted, still feeling chilly if the truly ridiculous number of blankets piled on him were any indication, and a bit out of it from a not insignificant head injury, but not asleep, at least not at the moment.

“You know, I googled that,” Hardison groused, “just because Nate wears stupid hats all the time doesn’t mean he’s some kind of Irish shape-shifting sea creature.”

Sophie snorted indelicately.

“That’s not…” Eliot started to protest, only to be cut off by Parker, which was probably for the best given how soar his throat sounded.

“You can’t have your hat back,” Parker pulled Nate’s hat down farther on her head; she must have picked it up after he dropped it at the pier, “just in case.”

Eliot moved restlessly in his hospital bed, and Nate, sitting on the edge of it, dropped his hand down to pat the hitter’s wrist. He left his hand there, fingers resting lightly against Eliot’s pulse point.

“You can keep the hat, Parker,” Nate said easily, “it looks good on you.”

Parker beamed at him from the foot of Eliot’s bed.

“It’s a con anyway,” Nate continued dismissively, “someone made it up centuries ago to trick fishermen and it stuck.”

“You really are a merrow,” Hardison deflated, as if the reality of it had finally sunk in.

“Yes, Nate,” Sophie sat back in the uncomfortable hospital chair regally, looking for all the world like a queen reigning over her court, “do tell us about being a mythical sea creature.”

Parker leaned forward like a child eager for a bedtime story.

“Well…”

Nate was interrupted by Eliot reaching up with his free hand to try to pull his oxygen cannulas off. Again. Nate caught his hand and lowered it back down to rest on his chest.

“Leave that be for now,” Nate gave his hand a pat.

“I don’t want it,” Eliot shifted, movements agitated and unsure, as if he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do, “we should get out of here. It isn’t safe.”

“I’ve got it all taken care of, man,” Hardison reassured him patiently, “we’re safe.”

“Security’s not…” Eliot started to protest.

“We’re security,” Nate let his hand fall back to Eliot’s wrist and left it there, “we’ll check in with the doctor this afternoon and reassess, alright?”

Eliot grumbled, but settled down again.

There was very little chance of Eliot being released before tomorrow. He was responding well to oxygen, and the CT had looked good, but he had been unconscious underwater, and that wasn’t something any of them wanted to take lightly. He was having trouble focusing and keeping track of what was going on around him, and it wasn’t because of the relatively mild pain meds he had been given.

Better to keep him where he could get the care he needed, at least while they could. Nate wasn’t kidding about reassessing. If the situation changed, and they needed to go to ground, they had other resources they could tap into to make sure Eliot still got taken care of. For now, though, this was best.

“Nate,” Parker was looking at him intently, “Sophie said I should pick something besides money that I want for my birthday.”

Nate turned to face her, resigned to whatever was coming.

“I like gold and gems too,” Parker grinned, “shipwrecks have lots of gold and gems.”

Nate gave a long-suffering sigh, and pointedly ignored Sophie suppressing a snicker.

“It wouldn’t even be like stealing,” Parker pressed, “it’s not like anyone really owns it anymore.”

“There are plenty of countries that would disagree with you on that,” Nate said dryly.

“Only if they know we have it,” Parker shrugged, “so can we go diving for treasure for my birthday?”

“You have to commit to a date for your birthday first, sweetheart,” Sophie pointed out, “also, if we’re diving for treasure, there is the platinum reserves Spain dumped into the ocean in the 16th century. Probably not enough to make the expense of an actual expedition worth it, but if you could just swim to it…”

“No,” Nate said firmly, “absolutely not. We are not treasure hunters.”

“But we could be,” Hardison smiled impishly, “we do need alternative revenues streams after all.”

“Not Spain,” Eliot murmured sleepily, “’s guarded.”

“By what? A kraken?” Hardison scoffed, then paused, “wait, there isn’t a kraken, is there?”

“No,” Nate said firmly at the same time that Eliot said “yes.”

He glared at the hitter, who gave him a tired, shit-eating grin.

“It’s not a cephalopod,” Eliot looked far too pleased with the way Hardison started to sputter.

Nate pinched the bridge of his nose. At this rate, they were never going to get Hardison near the water again.

“You’re making that up,” Hardison balked, “there aren’t sea monsters.”

“How would you know?” Eliot countered, “you don’t even swim.”

Hardison opened his mouth to deny the accusation, but Nate interrupted him.

“What I want to know, is how you knew what I was,” he gave Eliot a curious look.

It would be good for him to know what had tipped Eliot off so he could fix it. The fewer people that could tell what he was, the better. Maggie had known, had seen him change once before they were married, but he hadn’t wanted to split his life between two worlds. He had chosen the land, still chose the land. That remained where the things that mattered to him were.

“You bled all over me when you were shot,” Eliot said, “your blood is different than human blood. It’s distinctive.”

Not something he could do anything about then, although it was interesting to him that Eliot hadn’t bothered to say anything about it sooner. As with all the random and far-reaching knowledge Eliot had, Nate was caught between wanting to know how he knew and feeling it was probably best not to ask.

“That’s just nasty,” Hardison grumbled.

“So we’ll go to South American, and Hardison and I will track down the shipwreck sites,” Parker continued as if she had never been interrupted, “you can search the shipwrecks, and Eliot can help me update my dive certification.”

“Whatever you want, darling,” Eliot yawned.

“Do I get a say in this?” Nate asked.

“Probably not,” Sophie looked thoroughly amused.

“It will be like a family vacation,” Parker grinned, clearly excited by the idea, “you and Sophie keep saying I’m supposed to try normal people things that I haven’t done before.”

Nate knew a lost cause when he heard one. He sat back and listened to Hardison and Parker plan, keeping half an eye on Eliot as he finally drifted off to sleep.  Sophie alternated between encouraging the pair with much too much enthusiasm and giving Nate thoughtful side glances. He was grateful she didn’t push for more information. Not yet anyway.

He had told Maggie before he had proposed to her. It had seemed unfair not to. And Sam… Sam had been so young. Nate was never sure he really believed it was more than a fairy story. Maybe if he had lived longer… gotten to be older… who knew what could have happened, what potential had never been unlocked. It hurt to think about, made him want to reach for a bottle and try to forget all the things his son should have been, should have had.

Eliot reached for the cannulas in his sleep, and Nate caught his hand, bringing it back down to his side and holding onto it.

Nate had a future here. Different from the one he had so badly wanted, shaped by different tides, full of unexplored depths and currents, but still good. He was learning to live with that, slow though the process was. It wasn’t the catastrophe he had always thought it would be, having them find out.

If the trade-off for this new future was the occasional treasure hunt, Nate could live with that.

*********

Parker continued to be non-committal about choosing a birthday, but there was a lovely 16th century gold and ruby pendent necklace tucked under the tree for her at Christmas.

[officialwittek]

pt. 3

*gif is not mine* 

word count: 2,454

8:00 am.

The ringing of my alarm clock wakes me from my sleep. I grab my phone and scroll through the notifications. I look at the time and decide to get my nails done today, I call all my girl friends and ask if they want me to set an appointment for them to. Carly, Corinna and Erin agree, Natalie and Mariah were busy at the moment. I text them to meet at the apartment and call the nail salon. Thankfully they were open for 2 manicures, 2 full sets, and 4 pedicures.

I hop in the shower and rinse off before starting to do some simple makeup. Instead of my usual falsies I just curl my lashes and put some mascara on. I get dressed in a light blue tank top, a white cropped cardigan, and black yoga flared yoga pants with my white Air Forces. I went to the front door and unlocked it so Corinna and Erin could walk right in. I made some coffee and some tea for myself. After about 15 minutes Corinna and Erin showed up. Carly finished getting ready and we hopped into my car. Carly and Erin started vlogging while I quietly sang along to the music.

We finally got there and checked in. I showed the nail technician the photo, I got a medium length coffin shape with a glitter ombre. After about 2 hours our nails were finally done and we headed to get lunch with Nat, Zane, Todd, and Jeff. We grabbed a table at Olive Garden. Jeff “coincidentally” chooses the seat next to me. Jeff and I had always been touchy with each other, so it was no surprise when he instinctively puts his arm around my shoulder. I still felt bad about the other night, but I was fed up and drunk.

“I’m sorry for being an asshole. I understand that it was sort of a dick move to kiss you while I was drunk” I whisper, he looks at me in surprise and smiles

“I got my girl back” He exclaims, hugging me tightly as I laugh

We eat our lunch in relative peace, a few loud moments here and there. After lunch with everyone we decide to head to David’s house. Jeff, Carly, Corinna and Erin came in my car. We drove to David’s house blasting music with the windows rolled down. Our 20 minute journey ended and I parked my car. Corinna, Carly, and Erin exited to give Jeff and I some time to talk.

“Listen I’m sorry about snapping at you last night. I was drunk and upset. I didn’t mean to be such an asshole. But please talk to me as soon as I put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. I just hate being ignored, especially by you. Do you forgive me?” I ask, holding my hands out and he quickly hugged me

“You’re right. I should’ve talked to you. It was unfair of me to leave you hanging” Jeff replies, pressing a kiss to the top of my head

“Now, I got my dick grabbers done. Let’s test it” I joke, his loud laughs ring through my car as I unbuckle my seatbelt

The two of us enter the house and Jeff quickly runs to David to tell him what I said. I knew from the wide smile slowly making it’s way across David’s face. He grabs his camera and quickly runs to me.

“Sage why are you so horny all the time? And please tell me you don’t actually call your nails dick grabbers.” He says, I shove my hand in the camera and laugh loudly

“I’m only horny for Jeff get it right bitch” I reply sassily, David laughs loudly and walks away to film some other bets

“Maybe I should make my own channel” I joke, Corinna quickly whips around and screams

“YES PLEASE!! YOU CAN UPLOAD COVERS AND EVERYTHING. I WANNA BE YOUR FIRST SUBSCRIBER” she yells, catching everyone’s attention

“I’ll literally buy you a camera right now” David says, my eyes go wide and I quickly nod

We all pile into our cars and run to Best Buy. David and all our friends walk me through everything. I grab a Canon EOS M50 camera and a tripod for now. I had music equipment at the apartment. David pays for my things as my friends endlessly talk about what kind of videos I should make. Ranging from get ready with me, vlogs when I go to the studio, covers, styling videos, and the occasional challenge. I choose to start with one cover, one get ready with me, and one vlog a week. All our friends offered to teach me everything having to do with running a successful YouTube challenge. We clear the podcast room and have a makeshift recording session. I quickly scroll through my phone and find a song. ‘Gut Feeling’ by Ella Mai ft. H.E.R

‘Something in the walls

Something in your walk looks different

Something deep inside

Got me wondering why I don't understand

Why I can't put my finger on what the fuck is up

What's missing?

You're distant, and I'm spinning...’

“I’m literally speechless because I forget you can sing” Todd comments, my friends clapping

“Private gig! Private gig!” Zane chants, I roll my eyes playfully and put my playlist of my favorite songs on shuffle

After singing for my friends for about 15 minutes we decide it’s time to get ready to go out. David thought it would be a good idea to kill two birds with one stone today, throw a party for me to celebrate me signing with a label and getting content out of our dumbasses. The girls and I squeeze into my car and head to my apartment to get ready.

“Oh my god Corinna I’m so fucking you tonight” I say, watching her try on one of my dresses

“Good, I’ve been alone for too long” she replies, I wink at her and pick out an outfit for Natalie while Carly and Erin raid Carly’s closet

“Nat this is so perfect for you” Corinna compliments, I agree with a nod and go to pick an outfit

I settle on something a little more comfortable since I’m pretty known to blackout easily. I decide on a red spaghetti strap crop top, a white pleated skirt, and my red and white old school Vans with a slightly oversized leather jacket. Natalie, Corinna, and I work on our hair and makeup. I decide on my usual look with my hair in a ponytail. After about an hour we head back to David’s to pregame.

We take shots and I’m pretty tipsy by the time we all get in David’s Tesla. I find my seat on Jeff’s lap. We loudly sing along to David’s music on the way to the club. We all get in and head to the section that David got us. Zane, Toddy, and I instantly gravitate towards the bottles already there. The loud music making me ready to act a fool for David’s vlog. After another three rounds of shots I become one with the music.

“Where the fuck am I?” I joke loudly, somehow I ended up on the floor while Zane danced on me and I smacked his ass

“Ow you bitch” He slurs, I laugh and Todd helps me off the ground

“OHH SAGE” Corinna yells, and there it is.. the familiar beat to ‘Back That Azz Up’

Corinna instantly gets behind me while I twerk on her. Everyone in our section forming a circle. I spot Natalie on the couch and I walk over to her before giving her a lap dance. David films her reaction while Jason hands her a bunch of singles. She throws it on me while I dance. The mixture of alcohol and music making me lose myself. The song ends and I’m a little sad. Although the universe instantly answers my prayers and I hear the beginning to ‘Panoramic’. This time I decide to dance with Jeff.

“You ready bub?” I ask, he looks at me nervously

“Huh? Oh my-” Jeff replies, I bend over and start dancing again

After a few seconds he quickly finds himself dancing with me as best as he can. Our friends scream as he gains confidence. He pulls me up by my neck, leaving a hand there as he pours the vodka in my mouth. I swallow and turn so Corinna can grind on me. I feel someone behind me and turn to see Natalie. The three of us forming a chain. Which we keep up depending on the song. After two hours David taps me on the shoulder

“Alright guys, let’s go back to my place. It’s getting a little stuffy in here” I nod and hand Jeff my things

I find myself in the passenger seat. Never a good thing in David’s vlogs. Somehow Zane had walked out with a full bottle of vodka and we were all passing it around. Before driving David turns his camera on and I’m too drunk to listen to reason

“David.. I’m so drunk” I yell above the music, he laughs and turns the camera so I’m more in view

“Is there anything we should ask Sage since I think she’s the most drunk here” David says, turning the music down as our friends fall quiet to think

“Sage what are your thoughts on Jeff getting a boner after you danced on him” Mariah asks, I laugh loudly and hiccup

“My thoughts? Head empty, no thoughts” I reply, they laugh and continue asking me questions

“Sage if you were a man for a day what would you do?” Jason asks, also recording me

“Dude I’d honestly try to have a threesome with Natalie and Corinna” I reply, he laughs before replying

“You try to do that now” He says, our friends laughing loudly

The car ride seems like it went on forever. Finally we ended up at David’s house, I quickly run to the fridge and grab water. Wanting to sober up a little bit because I felt too out of control of my body. I chug the water and throw the empty bottle into the recycling bin. Jeff walks over to me and hugs me from behind. I smile lazily and sway to the music David is playing.

“Can we get DoorDash please” I whine, the group instantly nods while Jeff and I walk over to the group

“Get a room you two” Carly jokes, watching me cling onto Jeff while he sat me down

“I fucking wish” I say, quietly sipping my water as Natalie takes everyone’s McDonald’s orders

I decided on a 20 piece chicken mcnuggets with sweet and sour sauce and a Sprite. I blush as Jeff’s hands find themselves on my thigh. It’s no secret that I’m high key attracted to Jeff, but it recently started becoming real that I actually have a crush on my best friend. I realize that all the girls were looking at me and my face turned bright red. They shared looks before pulling me off the couch and taking me outside.

“You have a real fucking crush on Jeff don’t you” Mariah says, the girls crowd around me as I laugh

“I need a fucking joint, yes I do ok” I confess, they scream and jump around and I can already see the guys heading out to see what all the commotion is about

“What’s going on out here ladies?” Todd asks, wrapping his arms around Natalie and Jeff came next to me and thankfully it was pitch black and he couldn’t see the blush spreading across my face

“God I need to smoke so bad what the fuck is wrong with me” I mumble, Jeff hears me and pulls a preroll out of his pocket

“Let’s go, princess” He says, asking our other friends if they want to join, Zane and Todd agree and we sit on the couch outside and smoke a little bit

After we finished the pre-roll I head back over to the girls. We continue talking and they encourage me to talk to him about it. Apparently he has an actual crush on me too. I brush them off the but the substances in my system were giving me too much courage.

“No no... I’ll think about it when I’m sober” I say, they all agree and we go back into the house

“Ok guys I think I’m gonna head out” I say, I had a few more drinks with Zane and Heath so I was back to being drunk and a little high

“You are not driving home like this” Dave says, I nod and look around. Carly left a while ago since her and Erin had a meeting in the morning and I didn’t want to disturb her because I knew I would be loud when I got home

“I’ll take her, I should head out anyways” Jeff replies, I grin and collect my things and grab a water from the fridge for the road

“Can I stay over? I miss Nerf and I can’t go to my apartment since Carly has something important in the morning and I don’t want to disturb her” I say, he nods with a big smile

“Sure thing princess. We’ll stop by the store and grab some makeup remover and face wash” He said, driving to the nearest CVS

After our quick run to the store we finally arrived at his apartment. We got in and I walk over to the fridge and get a water. I hear Nerf’s claws on the floor and crouch down. After petting him for about five minutes Jeff comes out with a shirt and some boxers. I smile gratefully and head to the bathroom.

I take my makeup off and wash my face. I change into the shirt and boxers and head out. I make myself comfortable on the couch while Jeff changes. He walks out and shakes his head

“No, your back and neck are going to be sore. Just share the bed with me” He said, I look at him skeptically but nod

“Finally, thank god I shaved recently” I joke, he laughs loudly as he shuts the door

“I’m not that tired, you wanna watch a movie?” He asks, turning the TV on I nod and let him pick while I make myself comfortable with Nerf

Halfway through the movie I start drifting off, resting my head on Jeff’s chest.

“Goodnight princess” He said, pressing a kiss to my head before turning the movie off

“Goodnight.. I love you” I mumble, not noticing the look on Jeff’s face

[artificialqueens]

I Know the Sound (Of Your Heart) (Rosnali) - Athena2

Denali works the overnight shift at a diner, and has a crush on the woman who hosts the radio show she listens to every night.

A/N: I've been busy with school and work lately, but I finally finished this and wanted to share it! Please leave feedback if you'd like, I really do love reading your comments. Thank you to Writ for beta-ing!

Title from the Sound by the 1975.

Denali doesn’t hate the night shift at the diner.

It has its slow times and busy times, especially on the weekends. It has its regular customers—the group of college kids that comes every Monday for all-you-can-eat-pancakes, the woman from the local paper who comes in a few nights a week and gets a to-go box of pastries for her coworkers on deadline. It has its good points, like her coworkers and the free slices of cakes and pies the owner lets them take, and its bad points, like the rude customers and weekend rushes.

It’s pretty much a typical nine-to-five--just nine at night until five in the morning.

The night shift isn’t ideal, but it’s easier with her schedule. She gets home a little after five in the morning, collapses into bed, and sleeps until ten or eleven. Then she heads to the ice rink and trains for hours before teaching a few afternoon lessons and going back to the diner. She’s tired, of course, so often it’s just her default state at this point. But the full-time coach at the rink is planning to leave soon, meaning she can pick up his hours and classes, and then she can quit the diner and practice more and get a reasonable amount of sleep. She just needs to tough it out another month or two, and she can do that. She’s been toughing it out on the ice for months, pushing past her bleary eyes and weary limbs to keep her place on the competition team.

She’s in the kitchen tonight, dropping baskets of fries into oil and making grilled cheese for the occasional customer, business mostly a crawl after eleven. But it’s quiet, and she gets to turn the owner’s ancient radio to her favorite station.

“--if you’re just joining us, welcome to the Pink Hour! Not sure why they call it that, because I’m here all night, but whatever, I just work here. I’m Rosé, I hope all you gorgeous listeners out there are having a lovely night.”

Denali leans against the grill and sighs. She found the show months ago, flipping through local radio stations on a drive home after forgetting her AUX cord. The host’s voice had pulled her in, and Denali stayed in the car for five minutes after reaching her apartment’s parking lot just so she could hear the rest of the story Rosé was telling. Within days, that station turned on the second her car roared to life, and she didn’t even bother with the AUX cord if she was driving at night. Not when she could listen to Rosé.

Her voice does something to Denali, makes her calm and happy all at once. It helps that Rosé tells hilarious stories about gigs she’s played and takes callers in between her song picks, playing their suggestions or giving them a listening ear or sharing some advice if they want it. It brings some excitement to an otherwise boring shift, gives Denali something to look forward to. The show runs from nine at night to five in the morning, and Denali likes that they have that in common, that they’re out there doing the same shift, with Rosé’s voice and perfect song selections keeping her company.

“I’m in a dancing mood tonight,” Rosé continues through the speakers. “I’d dance myself, but I’m too damn tired--hopefully they don’t bleep that out--so I’ll let ABBA take over. My parents played them all the time when I was a kid, and this one is my favorite.”

The unmistakable first notes of ‘Dancing Queen’ pour from the speakers, and Denali grins through her exhaustion, letting Rosé get her through the night.

---

“--So I’m standing there on stage, singing and minding my own business, and then a rat, a fu--a freaking rat runs in the bar. I ran for my life and tripped on the amp plug, and that, my lovely little listeners, is how I sprained my ankle last year. I just wish the story was more glamorous.”

Denali’s so lost in the story she accidentally tips an extra chicken tender in the fryer. Whatever, a little midnight snack won’t hurt. She brings the order out to one of two occupied tables, then devours her prize the second she’s out of sight. The radio is playing a Fleetwood Mac song, and Denali sighs as Brooke, the only other person working with her, pops in. They usually work the night shift together because Brooke spends her days training with some ballet company, and though they’re not super close, that combination of exhaustion and dedication has created an understanding between them, and one of them will often pick up the slack when the other is too tired to even stand.

“Contraband?” Brooke asks, nodding to Denali’s chicken-tender-stuffed cheeks. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

Denali finishes chewing and nods. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Still listening to that radio show? Why not just listen to a murder podcast like the rest of us?”

“Some of us aren’t obsessed with true crime, Hytes.” Denali rolls her eyes. “And why would I want to hear about people getting murdered on the way to their cars? I drive a car.”

Brooke snorts. “Fair.”

“I could probably kick their ass, though,” Denali says.

“You could,” Brooke agrees, then sighs. “I better get back out there. Enjoy the radio show.”

“Thanks.”

Denali turns it up a little after Brooke leaves, just in time to catch Rosé’s story about the song. Denali stands still as Rosé explains how she won her middle school talent show singing that song when she was just in sixth grade, how it made her want to sing all the time.

Denali can’t help but imagine Rosé singing, even if she doesn’t actually know what Rosé looks like. It would be easy to find her if she wanted to—the show has an Instagram page, and she would undoubtedly find Rosé there—but Denali likes the mystery of it. Likes keeping Rosé in her mind and behind her radio speakers. It’s ridiculous, probably, how much Denali likes hearing Rosé talk, but every word is so expressive, so passionate, and Denali feels like she’s gotten to know part of Rosé just through her stories, like how she got a guitar for her tenth birthday, or that she likes trying different fancy drinks when she goes to coffee shops, or that she had her first kiss in her car, hiding behind the high school gym--though that story makes Denali oddly jealous. It’s comforting, somehow, to know Rosé is out there, that she and Denali are occupying the same space and time, even if they’ve never met.

As long as Denali can hear her voice, things feel okay.

---

The nights continue, bleeding into days on the ice where the cold doesn’t even wake Denali up anymore because she’s so used to it. She’s tired, so tired she almost falls asleep in someone’s pile of leftover mashed potatoes, but she’s so close. The head coach is leaving in two weeks, and the rink’s manager already said the job is hers. Two more weeks and then she can sleep at night and be a normal level of tired like everyone else.

The song on the radio transitions into the crackling static of a caller connecting. Denali’s thought of calling in to request a song a few times, thinking that it would be like officially talking to Rosé--albeit over the phone--but she always chickens out before she can even type the first number. This is the most ridiculous crush Denali’s ever had, and she definitely has to call it a crush now, given all her fantasies of busting down the radio station’s door to ask Rosé out. She sighs and listens as the caller speaks. It’s a teenage boy, one trying and failing to sound older, telling Rosé about how he came out to his friends today, how they were so happy for him and want to throw a party this weekend. He had been nervous all week, the boy explains, and found Rosé’s show when he was up at night and used it to stay calm.

“Thank you,” Rosé says, and Denali can tell from how her voice is a little thick that she’s really touched. It’s not the first time she’s gotten calls like this, either. “I’m so happy things worked out for you. My friends and family were really supportive when I came out too, and I’m glad you’ll have that support. Be proud and be you, okay?” Rosé clears her throat. “Now, I hate to be that cheesy person--oh, who am I kidding, I love to be that person--but here’s a special song just for you.”

Denali laughs out loud as Diana Ross starts singing about coming out. This whole night, and how kind and genuine and sweet Rosé was, have only made Denali’s crush deepen. Maybe she should find Rosé, message her on Instagram. Denali can’t imagine seeing her in person, hearing that voice and that laugh so close. Finding out all the things about Rosé that she can’t get over the radio.

Maybe one day.

---

Denali’s almost home when she realizes she was so busy thinking about Rosé that she forgot her phone at the diner, and, tired as she is, she’d rather just go get it now than later. She trudges back in the place to hear a laugh--a laugh she knows for some reason, even if it doesn’t belong to any of her coworkers. And then she hears the voice, one excitedly reading out the pecan pancakes on the menu, and follows it to a booth in the corner. It’s coming from a woman with soft pink hair and a huge smile. She’s gorgeous, but it’s the voice that stops Denali in her tracks. Because she absolutely, unmistakably knows that voice. She listens to it every night, its smooth sound and cackling laughs flowing through the scuffed speakers of the radio.

The woman is Rosé.

It simply has to be. Even if Denali’s never seen her, she knows it has to be her. Who else could have that exact voice? Denali’s about to march over to the table when she slams into something, and looks up to see Brooke clutching her order pad in a death grip.

“What are you still doing here?” Denali asks.

“I was on my way out when that table”--Brooke nods to the corner--”came in. In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a ridiculously beautiful woman at that table, and I’m gonna wait on her.”

Denali yanks the order pad out of her hand. “I’m waiting on her. Rosé is at that table!”

Brooke stares at her. “No, I think her name is Vanessa.”

Now Denali stares. What if she’s wrong and it’s not Rosé? She risks another glance at the booth and suddenly realizes there are two women there, and her eyes narrow. “Who are you talking about?” she asks Brooke suspiciously.

“The tiny one, with the brown hair.” Brooke crosses her arms. “Who are you talking about?”

“The one with the pink hair and the most amazing smile ever! She hosts that radio show I listen to every night!”

“Oh. Oh,” Brooke repeats, realization dawning on her. “Well, maybe we can both wait--“

“Excuse me,” a rough voice says, and Denali knows from Brooke’s deer-in-headlights-look that it’s the brunette. “Can someone show me where the bathroom is?”

“Brooke can,” Denali says, giving the blonde a gentle push, watching her trail with Vanessa out of sight and almost sprinting to the booth Rosé is now at by herself. She’s even prettier up close, with kind eyes and a perfect smile. Denali can do this. Except now that she’s here, she has no idea what she’s doing. Should she tell Rosé that she knows her? How creepy is it to admit that she recognized her voice?

“Can I help you?” Rosé asks, and hearing her voice close like this makes Denali surer than ever that it’s her. It sounds a little different in person, but it’s definitely her. It snaps her out of her thoughts, and she realizes she’s standing in front of the table in a waitress uniform with her mouth wide open.

“I should be asking you that,” Denali stammers, trying to recover. “Can I get you coffee or anything?”

“Can I get the caramel latte?”

“Of course.”

“My friend wanted coffee too, but I don’t think she’ll need it, considering how long she’s been in that bathroom with your friend.” She flashes a smirk, and Denali’s knees wobble.

“I don’t think she will either.” Denali snorts, but a rush of determination hits her. Things worked out for Brooke, so why can’t they work out for her too? And Rosé coming in here this morning—the morning Denali happens to forget her phone—feels like fate, like someone wanted them to meet. Screw it, Denali thinks. “Hey, uh, you have a show on the radio, right? Please don’t think I’m a creep, it’s just—I listen to it every night when I’m at work.”

“Always nice to meet a fan,” Rosé says. The smirk is still there, but it fades into a real smile. “But yes, I do have a show. I’m glad you like it.”

“I love you,” Denali blurts. “I--I love the show, I mean,” she says, her face on fire. “It’s kept me company at work. You’re really fun to listen to.”

“Thanks.” Denali might be imagining it, but there’s a hint of a blush in Rosé’s cheeks. “You probably know my name, but I’m Rosé.”

“I’m Denali.”

Rosé smiles again. “Denali, I think you’re pretty fun to listen to too. Would you want to go on a date sometime? Then we can listen to each other all night. I gotta warn you, though, I love to talk.”

“I’d love to. I can handle talking, believe me. Actually, you know what--” Denali slides into the other side of the booth, grinning at the excited look on Rosé’s face--”I’m off the clock. What do you say we have a date right now?” By the time she hits the ice she’ll be cursing herself for not sleeping, but she wants to talk to Rosé so bad, wants to spend this morning with her.

Rosé grins. “Absolutely. Do you think someone could get me that latte though?” she asks sheepishly. “I’m so tired.”

“Make that two.” Denali laughs and then flags down one of her coworkers, not wanting to miss a single second.

[sanakoreanlangblr]

2021 Goals

Heyy! I’ve decided to put my goals for this year here, hoping that that might motivate me further, and maybe motivate someone else as well. Good luck everyone! And please take extra care of yourselves and your health, mental or otherwise! Everything else can wait.

This year has been difficult for all of us. As for me, even now, the upcoming semester is a big question mark. Currently I’m studying in France, and this semester I was supposed to go on an exchange to Taiwan buuuut that’s not happening anymore, as it has been cancelled. So per my school’s requirements I need to find an internship in the place of expatriation, which is a pain now. And that basically just means I have no idea where I’m going to be in the coming year or what I’m gonna be doing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sorry, needed to complain for a bit, as I am going absolutely insane with the stress…

Anywayyyy, I still hope I will be able to uphold most of these goals, wherever I will end up. I tried to not make them overly big, so that I won’t get burned out too fast. But I have a whole year for those, some of these have dates for which I could expect to finish but I will not keep to them very strictly. Whatever happens, happens :))

Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language!

Korean (A2 -> B1)

1. Do 100 lessons of grammar from the HowToStudyKorean website.

I’ve started a few grammar books but in the end decided to settle on this website as I like its explanations best, and it provides the most example sentences when introducing each point. A nice touch is also the fact that it includes a list of a number of new words before each chapter, which gives me some new vocabulary to learn :)

So far I’ve divided the grammar points introduced in lessons into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and turns out I have:

66 „to learn”

35 „to revise”

32 „already know”

So if I did 3 points a week, I should be done around August.

2. Read 2 little stories per week from “Easy Korean Reading for Beginners”.

There is 30 stories in the first one (I already did 5), so I should be done by the middle of April.

3. Do one chapter per week from “My first hanja guide”.

I just got this book for Christmas and haven’t had the time to fully go through it so we will see how it goes.

4. Do Anki at least three times a week.

Every day would be preferable but I know that would last like a week at most.

5. Have iTalki lesson at least once a week.

That one is not a problem as I have been doing one or two per week for the last year, but I would just like to keep it up.

6. Try writing at least twice a month, and at least 2 pages.

Yeahhh that one is a bit of a bother, as writing still takes me a long time so we will leave it a twice a month and see how it goes.

7. Watch one youtube video per week on Korean grammar or vocabulary.

Generally I would say my goal is to use Korean more, as I know quite a lot but when I’m speaking I tend to go towards the easier words and grammar, which is why I am thinking that writing more could help me. And also I really want to focus on learning vocabulary as that’s always been a pain for me, I’m more of a grammar lover :))

French (A2 -> hoping for upper B1/ beginning of B2)

1. Finish the intermediate grammar book. I’m currently doing „Grammaire Progressive du Français” Intermediate edition, for A2/B1.

The problem is that my grammar knowledge of french is a mess , so going through this book is a bit of an annoyance, as most chapters I technically know but each time I find some nuance I wasn’t aware of... therefore I need to go through it, even the chapters I would have assumed I know :|

So I divided the chapters the same way I did Korean, into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and I ended up with:

14 „to learn”

34 „to revise”

4 „already know”

So technically if I did 2 points a week, I should be done in June.

2. Read the two french books I got for Christmas (“Les aventures d’Alice au pays des merveilles” and “Le tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours”).

3. Read at least two of the Harry Potter books in French.

I have started the first one this week, and I can tell it’s gonna be a very very slow process. It’s the first book I’m reading in french so it’s a bit difficult and frustrating but hopefully it’ll get better as I go along.

4. Watch at least 4 french movies, with french subtitles.

5. Learn a french song.

6. Read one story per week from „French Stories for Beginners”.

These are quite easy, but they are a nice practice for switching to books later on.

I don’t know if I’m gonna keep this one in, depends on how much my reading of actual books will progress.

7. Get to point 5 on the Duolingo tree.

I use Duolingo mostly as a revision tool, so I’m not really going to focus on it much, but still want to keep it up.

8. Watch one YouTube video per week (on any topic).

9. Listen to two podcasts per month.

10. At least one iTalki lesson per week.

11. Do Anki at least 3 times a week.

I really need to listen to french more, as I’m good at reading and I usually understand that pretty well, and I’m not the worst as speaking, but I am absolutely terrible at listening :| So that’s a priority.

Chinese (tbh I don’t know...end of HSK1/Beginning of HSK2 -> let’s say the goal is HSK3 for this year)

1. Finish the book „Integrated Chinese”

I’m having a tough time to pick a book from which to learn but I guess for now I’ll continue with that one.

Again, I divided the points in the book to „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and ended up with:

47 „to learn”

11 „to revise”

15 „already know”

So doing 2 a week I should be done in July.

2. Learn 15 characters a day

I am way behind on learning characters.. I remember the words well but I didn’t put enough time to learn the characters at the start and now that’s gonna be a bit annoying to catch up on :|

3. Finish the drama „Go Ahead”.

4. Watch 3 Chinese movies, with both English and Chinese subtitles.

5. Have one Italki lesson per week.

6. Learn a children song in Chinese

7. Watch one youtube video per week on grammar.

8. Do Anki twice a week.

Generally focus more on characters. My speaking isn’t terrible (well besides the tones), but I need to work on the grammar a bit more as I seem to mess up the structures quite frequently. I need to put more work outside of my lessons. Since I found out I’m actually not going to Taiwan this semester my motivation has fallen a bit, but on the other hand I now have more time to prepare for fall, at which point I will hopefully be able to go!

Personal

Read 20 books.

I have always loved reading but in the past two years the amount of books I’ve read has gone down, which upsets me a bit…  On the other hand the amount of fanfiction I’ve read is tremendous, so there’s that. However I would like to make more effort to read this year, especially since I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books over those few years.

2. Workout regularly.

Right now I’m at home, so that should be easy to do. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen this semester, so we’ll see what I’m going to do about that later.

3. Eat better.

Meaning: cut down on sugar, eat more veggies and fruit.

4. Get a bit closer to my ideal weight

I’m not necessarily focusing on that this year as the previous one has been hell and really managed to deteriorate my mental health back to high school levels... but still hopefully working out a bit and eating less sugar, more veggies, I will be able to lose a tiny bit of weight. But overall I just want to focus on being a bit healthier.

5. Clean out my wardrobe

Sorry that’s a silly one but I’ve been getting to it for half a year now and I’m just too lazy to do that... maybe once I put it here I will have some motivation

6. Take care of my face and hair

So my sensitive skin hates wearing masks and needs extra care these days I need to really focus on it and baby it, to not go back to the awful red mess it was two months ago

As for my hair, I have kind of 3a curls which I haven’t been taking care of properly and plus I damaged them with hair dye (still I refuse to give up ginger hair, I blame Merida). So now during lockdown and quarantine season I finally had some time to read up on hair care of curls, and honestly after a month I can already see the difference, and well I hope for the best :)))

7. Get a tattoo

It’s something I’ve always put off since I either didn’t have the money or time. And now again both are problematic, so I will wait for the decision until I know what my school semester is going to be like. Maybe this time I will find a good moment! (Although honestly saving up for travelling after all this is over is also a great idea :))) )

8. Don’t go to sleep at 5

Yeah so during lockdown and because of online classes my sleeping schedule got so messed up I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. And while my goal isn’t to switch it to 10 pm, cutting it to 2 am at max would be nice

9. Watch 25 movies

10. Sell/donate the things that I don’t need

I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books, movies, CDs, Xbox games, art products - that I need to get rid of - and I’ve been saying that for like three years now, about the same pile of things. I will try to do that one this year!

I hope everyone’s 2021 will be a ton better than 2020! Keep fighting!

[shinahbee]

January Favorites 2021!

GREETINGS

------------------------------------------

February 06. 2021

Hello,

I actually wrote a lot for this month, perfect way to start off the new year! I have been catching up and watching some dramas and some of the new anime this season, which i’ll discuss a few down below. I’m just realizing that the manhwa recommendations list is growing very long and it reading those titles that i have discussed made me reminisce on some of them and most of which I would re read again. I tried to read some shoujo manga again and thought the stories were shit, so i don’t think i’ll ever go back. I’m thinking of starting some shoujo manhwa’s because I have a few titles that seemed like they might have an interesting plot line. I’ll list in in my favorites if I do end up reading those, but so far i’m still filtering the BL titles .lol.

I’m just going to put this out there now before you read the “Hell segment” I mentioned a few titles that were popular that i dropped and I listed the reasons why i dropped it, they are popular for a reason and if you like that and don’t take the plot line too seriously then that’s on you, but i don’t like the subject matter being glorified rather than “lesson learned” if you know what i’m saying so take my comments down there with a grain of salt...it’s just how i read it and interpreted the subject matter, it has nothing to do with the creator and their thoughts. This is going to apply to all of my reviews, they are just my opinions only so don't take what i say seriously if it you are offended that i happen to diss your favorite manga.

Anyways, i have no music recommendations this month all i have been listening to is podcasts, so listening to people talk about nothing.lol. That’s what my life has come to...

If you would like I can share a few that I have been listening to, let me know.

Alright, you all have a lot to read to i’ll just end here.

--------------------------------------------

MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS

--------------------------------------------

Recap:

Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

Social temperature (ongoing)

Salad days (ongoing)

To be or not to be (ongoing)

Path to you (completed)

Here u are (completed)

BJ alex (completed)

No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

Unintentional love story (ongoing)

 Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

Semantic Error (ongoing)

 Tied up in Twins (Completed)

 My Suha (ongoing)

Crash into me (Completed)

Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

So crash into you is now finished and you can now read the entire thing, so happy it ended really well and of course if you have seen my last favorites journal I made and entire post dedicated to this manhwa. The story is really heart breaking and definitely deals with more adult and mature content and it really is disturbing in some parts, so viewer discretion is advised.

That’s all i have to announce as an update, the rest is still ongoing. This month I came up with certain themes for my hell segment, last month I started with some manhwa that all had a common theme of Scum antagonists that you will run into when reading these manhwa, some of which ranges from mild inconvenience to this piece of shit should be set on fire. If you have not read that please check it out and watch me rant about stupid people.

This week featured another theme that you will run into reading shounen ai/ yaoi manhwa and manga, it’s a very universal theme of “threesomes”...I don’t get it, I don’t get why people think that’s  okay to have three dicks in a room...i’m like there’s three dicks here, that’s way too many..lol. to each their own I guess, but i’ve selected three to talk about that also deals with mature themes and a bunch of people making poor decisions.

But before that, let’s talk about the normal shounen ai manhwa/manga that I have to recommend this month.

-----------------------------------------------

Welcome to heaven

-----------------------------------------------

1) Inner Beauty:

“Minjae’s been dumped. Fed up with their long distance relationship, his actress girlfriend Hye-Eun left him while he was “finding himself” in Australia. When Minjae rushes home and runs into Hye-Eun and her gorgeous new man, Woochan, at the airport, drama ensues. Amidst the chaos, the two love rivals bang heads. Upon waking, they discover they’ve changed bodies! Why have they switched? How will they cope? Will they ever be able to go back? Find out as Minjae and Woochan embark on a journey that takes “self-discovery” to a whole new level!”

Firstly this reminded me of the k-drama secret garden, if you have seen it you know that the main protagonists switched bodies at some point and with this manhwa, it happens in the first chapter. I liked how the relationship between the two boys started with minjae’s girlfriend leaving him for another man woochan, and after minjae and woochan switched bodies because he wanted to give the girlfriend a necklace as a gift , he switched bodies with woochan after bumping into him. They went to a shaman to seek out various ways to get back into their bodies while they find out things about each other that they were not aware of,  in the end minjae and woochan were drawn to each other. The necklace is a tribal ornament that has a mysterious power to show a person’s past through their dreams. It seems that the reason why their bodies keep switching was because there was another necklace that was similar that was supposed to be it's partner; they go a try to search for the mysterious phenomenon surrounding the necklace that leads to their relationships with other people changing.

my favorite part of this story is that woochan and his father didn't get along very well because of a misunderstanding, while other parents didn't admit to their mistakes, woochan's father wanted to do so and repair his relationship with woochan, which made the story more compelling. Theres so many manga plot lines whee the parent is abusive and harsh and never did they think it was thier fault, but in this story woochan's father mans up to the things he did and how it affected woochan and i'm really happy about that.

Another thing I like about this story is the end where woochan who was an actor turned director made a film about his and minjae’s relationship because he wanted their story to be remembered and inspire other relationships that were similar to their own to overcome their hardships. This story has so much meaning and it’s something I would recommend to anyone who just likes a good story.

2) False Memories (lee gpiee):

” Wan’s got a face that scares everyone away before he can really become friends with anyone. So when Ha-woon befriends Wan on his first day at his new school, Wan is elated. Ha-woon must be an angel! It doesn’t take long, though, for Ha-woon to betray him in a terrible way, and Wan discovers Ha-woon might be more devil than angel. But then an accident happens that gives Wan a second chance at friendship with his angel. And it all starts with one big, fat lie.”

This one is really interesting, it is about a boy named wan and he was the new transfer student at a new school and how despite how he looks he wanted make friends this time around. Hawoon met wan when he was climbed off of a tree and fell on him, he immediately took a liking to him and befriended him, being very grateful to have finally met a friend he wanted to be a very likable person to hawoon, but then it was discovered that hawoon had many secrets and is not the kind person he is portrayed to be. There was an incident where one of his followers was spying on him and he wanted wan to essentially beat that person up in front of his other gang members. Obviously wan didn’t want that and this caused some strife between the two of them and wan began to be bullied by hawoon and his gang members. Later hawoon was trying to escape from his brother who went to his apartment to look for him and ran into wan who hides him over night, things tooka turn for the worse when hawoon thinks wan is being really nosy about his business and pushes him away and that is when the guy who hawoon wanted to beat up his him on the head and hawoon woke up with amnesia. Being the only person who had witnessed that, wan brought hawoon back to his place, when hawoon woke up with no previous memories of wan he lied to him claiming to be his best friend and the tow of them started to pursue this new friendship, of course things don’t last forever and the both of them discovered that hawoon in fact had many secrets that he preferred to keep under wraps especially about his family.

I know a lot of comments have said that it was stupid to lie to him about being friends but I understand that it was wan’s way to know the real hawoon. Hawoon’s personality was built by the lack of trust he has received from people and he was never able to open up to a person about anything. I really liked how the incident ended up saving their relationship in the end and they have a lot of cute moments together while going from being friends to being in love with each other. This is a very wholesome story and if you like that plot you will like this story, it really is not complicated.

3) Hand in Hand:

“While running a small pharmacy in the outskirts of the city, Sam meets a mysterious and out of place patient. This man named noah who was covered in bruises every time he had stopped by the pharmacy, Sam noticed that he seems to be in worse shape every time they meet and became curious as to why that might be, one day he saw noah getting into a shady van with a bunch of people and discovered that this town had a secret that kept everyone involved very secretive. Noah who was discovered to be a part of that society still goes and sees sam in order to be close to him, sam was then reeled into his world and became part of that society that was kept hidden.”

Sorry I had to write that summary on my own cause I could not find a good summary, so basically the pharmacy was inherited by Sam when his father passed away in this small town, there was no one to take over for him so Sam had to give up his dream of staying away from this town to moving back to take over the family business, There one night upon closing he meets a man covered in bruises while coming in to buy some alcohol and cigarettes, he treated him because it looked painful and was curious about him,

This curiosity escalated when he saw him get into a van with a bunch of ugly dudes, the pharmacy assistant said that there were gangs running around and it was best to avoid these people. Sam made the assumption that it was these men that were beating that man up and decided to pull him away from them. Noah then introduced himself to sam as they walk back to noahs apartment and he showed some interest in sam and asked what he wanted as payment for his treatment, Sam of course didn’t want anything which made noah surprised, but relayed to him that the offer still stands when he feel like telling him.

Not only being curious that noah shows up in front of him each time with more bruises but the fact that he may have discovered the town had a secret.

It was in fact an underground gambling scene that caused a lot of people to be very irritable, noah was involved in this and called it “work” as he had a debt to pay back to the person that took him in. Sam didn’t want to be involved but because of his interest in noah the two of them became romantically involved upon a few meetings and Sam started to develop feelings for him and likewise noah was in love with Sam.  I’m not going to spoil the end because it was really intense, if you like mysterious plot points to your story this one will do the trick, it will keep you guessing as to what will happen next.

4) Stanning 101:

“Ji-Yul Park is an ordinary office worker who spends his spare time stanning a boy group, unlock and more specifically it’s leader, Jay.One day, he time travels back to his past where he encounters Juno, another idol and becomes his manager.What happenes when Juno develops feelings for Ji-Yul? Would Ji-Yul choose loyalty with Juno or his fanboy fantasy with Jay? And what is the purpose for Ji-Yul traveling back to the past-what is he supposed to repair or change?”

I’m not going to lie this title...don’t let it fool you, I thought this was going to be a satire on the whole K-pop fandom and just a story poking fun at k-pop fans...but boy was I fooled..LOL. This summary doesn’t even begin to describe how deep this story goes.

So as the summary says it’s about a fan named ji yul who is a stan of a group called “unlock” and his favorite member Jay was going to leave for military service and he was really bummed about not being able to see him for a while, so he went out drinking with his friends who share the same interest and cried his eyes out wishing that he could go back to the time when jay and his group first debuted.

And of course....that happened some how he was enabled into a time skip backwards to when the group first debuted. He first met up with a roommate that he was going to be sharing a room with, this was none other than juno a trainee a small company, Juno was a sensation later on in history and he was a rival of the unlock, and of course being a stand of jay he didn’t like the idea of being around juno. Upon meeting ji yul was already drunk and the next morning found juno and him had slept on the same bed, this made things between them awkward. But upon a series of events he became juno’s manager and inevitably began to understand the person juno is and how hard he worked, as well as his ties with jay. While trying to figure out what was the reason for the time skip he met another person who was sent back to the same time for a different reason his name was suho, and suho was here for another person named rose who was a in a different group. Rose is a sunbae of Juno’s and the two of them are acquainted, But there was something about Rose that was alluring and that made his “ sponsors” want to see him all the time, this lead to a lot of conflict within his group, saying that he’s the kind of person who would sleep around with anyone that has money.

Suho was a fan of rose and the reason he came back was because in his time he had found out that Rose had committed suicide, now....this is a topic that i feel very strongly about as you may know if you listen to k-pop news there are certain group members from famous groups that have committed suicide as of late, a lot of which was diagnosis of depression,

This story deals with not only suho having had gone through depression and suicide attempts but Rose who was going through that as well, Suho wanted to make sure rose stays alive, so when he was able to meet him he did all he can to be beside him and get him away from these sponsors that clearly only want one thing from him. This had made rose and suho close enough to develop romantic feelings towards each other, it gave rose the courage to confront the ceo from the company. In the end the company ceo was being a dick and tried to force rose to sleep with these people in order to get chances to be on screen and promote their group. One of their members knew from the start what rose had to go through and after rose was being hunted down by the ceo after disappearing, the member took footage from the ceo of all the nasty things he made rose do and gave it to Suho? I don’t remember this part well, but suho somehow go the usb footage and saw that rose had been sexually abused and assaulted by those men. Rose had went to see suho at the time and saw that he found the footage, at that moment he wanted to jump off the railings because he felt ashamed, but suho explained that it was rose’s music that saved him from doing the same thing he tried to do which was of course suicide.

Needless to say, at least in this story suho’s love for rose was able to keep him alive and as soon as suho w able to convey that he had disappeared and asked rose to find him in the future. I chose to write about Suho’s story because I just want to put it out there that suicide and depression are real struggles and to please seek help as soon as you can. Back to ji yul and juno, they in fact had developed feelings for each other and ji yul was sent back because he was in car accident with juno and in the both of them lost their memory of each other that was why ji yul only remembered Jay and being a fan of unlock while not remembering the times he shared with juno and how much he loved him. This made. He was able to tell juno after some time that he is in fact from the future and the both of them tried different ways to preserve the time that they had before ji yul would be sent back. Ji yul tried to defy fate but it turns out the accident happened to juno being in the car without having him there, meaning things will still take its course and you can cheat fate. So ji yul grabbed juno who was still unconscious and put him into the passenger’s seat and said his goodbyes to him, wishing for them to meet again even though knowing that it could be impossible for them to be together in the future he drove into the upcoming traffic. Ji yul woke up again back in the time he belonged the only thing he can remember was seeing juno’s picture in front of him and tears leaving his eyes.

Omg this is a k-drama all in one package, this is where i’ll stop because the manhwa is not finished, so if you liked my summary of it so far please read the actual thing, you will not be disappointed, I promise you.

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Welcome to hell

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I don’t know how to begin this segment after writing all of that for the heaven’s segment, those stories were just so good compared to the trash that i’m about to share here. But most of the trashiest stories have more complex plot points than normal stories. I mean you need to go through hell to come out the other side right?

*warning* this section talks about mature content! 18+ only, read at your own risk!

Let’s begin then.

1) Private lessons:

“Hajoon has been crushing on Eun-woo ever since they started college together, but he hasn’t had any opportunities to get close with him. At least they have a class together this semester: a lecture taught by the popular Professor Seo Joohyuk. Hours after the first class, Hajoon remembers he left his assignments in the classroom. Upon reaching the lecture hall, he becomes witness and accomplice to a series of private lessons Joo-hyuk is giving Eun-woo—lessons that unleash his own deepest, riskiest desires.”

I’m starting off strong ...oh where to begin? This story has so many messed up characters, I’d have to say all three of them are messed up. Firstly I don’t care if your professor looks like a  dilf (urban dictionary if you don’t know what it means) you should never get involved with them. Lol. And I don’t know what school you people go to to have professors that look like this...all of mine were crusty old men who were mean and arrogant.

I makes me sick to think that there are some older men that would take advantage of people like the way Joohyuk did with Eunwoo and Hajoon. Hajoon just wanted to get Eunwoo’s attention, but because of joohyuk, he took “notice me senpai” to the next level. but I guess i understand from hajoon’s point of view that if he does nothing, he will never be change his relationship, so if he liked him then getting involve would be a way in. Eunwoo was so enthralled with joohyuk that he would just be a sex partner knowing that he would never have potential feelings for him in the end. I did feel sorry for him at first but then there was this part in the story where they were all preparing for this festival thing and he and hajoon were in a group and had to be waiters for the night of the festival, this was when eunwoo started to somewhat show interest in hajoon. Then that fricken dilf was like “you’re doing things on your own and i’m going to show you why you shouldn’t defy me...” or something like that, asserting dominance saying that eunwoo would always choose me over you to hajoon, and indeed on the night of the festival when he was supposed to work, shit went down between hajoon and this senior and fight broke out while hajoon was defending eunwoo , only later to find out that eunwoo was screwing the dilf in his office while all this was going on, I think i felt my veins snap...this idiot had the audacity to f around with that dilf while hajoon was working his ass off and even defended him. Smh....anyways in the end Eunwoo fell in love with hajoon and gave up on his feelings over joohyuk, knowing that joohyuk will always look at his other partner seojin. So in the end it worked out, but this whole story is a dumpster fire of trash.

So moral of this story is don’t get involved with dilfs, don't simp for them...lol. Just don’t do it. I don’t recommend this story for the content but if you are into trash and BDSM, then maybe this is the one for you.

2) Behind the scenes:

“Korea’s hunkiest top model Woo Taeyoung has decided to try his hand at acting once more. No more of those teen heartthrob roles, Taeyoung has his eyes set on a much more…mature role. And when he finds out his idol, the dreamy Koo Min-ki, is set to be one of the main actors of the film, he is even more determined to get the role as his co-star. The two seem to have a natural chemistry with each other…both on and off screen. Will this end up helping their performances? Or will it cause their worlds to come crashing down?”

This story is a also a dumpster fire of flaming garbage, it starts off with a model turned actor named taeyoung who works mainly as a model but is secretly a fan boy of another famous actor named minki and he went to his fan signing in disguise, only to be discovered by the fans and cause a racket and minki ended up injuring himself. This caused taeyoung to be able to meet minki in the most embarrassing way, but he wanted to make it up to him by helping him until his injury was recovered. One night minki was driven home by taeyoung and they ran into another popular actor named wonho...(monsta x..lol. i’m so kidding don't kill me...) and this dude saw minki coming out of taeyoung’s car and immediately became violent...

there it is red flag!

Turns out wonho was minks boyfriend, taeyoung only knew that his favorite actor minki was in a 10 year long relationship with his girlfriend, says the media, but he didn’t know that it was a man...and this violent piece of shit at that. Taeyoung had heard rumors of wonho being excessively violent to anyone who comes near minki and anyone who has worked with him always was threatened by wonho. So even though taeyoung reluctantly left minki with wonho he still was really worried, rightfully so.

Wonho is the worst kind of garbage out there; even being in a relationship he still forced minki into having sex with him. This is rape, even if you are in a relationship it means the same thing it’s non consensual and disgusting. Not only this but being violent to everyone that is near minki, is enough for anyone to end this relationship. But minki was that idiot who believed that the old  wonho he once knew  would come back one day and so this ongoing relationship abuse lasted for a long time. Taeyoung of course got an opportunity to make his acting debut, and auditioned for the of minki’s character’s lover, it was the first queer film in production so to the director it was a passion project that he wanted to see succeed. He passed the audition and showed his potential and chemistry with minki on screen very well, so the director was happy casting him in the role. But of course guess who finds out and showed up on the film set...wonho. He obviously made minki uncomfortable and also taeyoung, but in series of events taeyoung went to the bathroom and found wonho and minki making out inside and realized the person he admired was gay and was in a relationship with wonho for a long time. Later on he got to know minki more and found that he had romantic feelings towards him rather than just admiration. Because minki and wonho’s relationship was abusive minki was contemplating on ending it but didn’t have the courage to, it was taeyoung who showed genuine feelings for minki that was able to push minki to move forward. So while this was going on, wonho was in fact being sponsored by a certain person in order to get roles in his acting career, this person was taeyoung’s cousin...yeah i know messed up,. This dude is very toxic and made things go wrong between wonho and minki and that’s how their relationship went downhill for 10 years. Anyways to sum it all up a lot of stuff went down and wonho’s actions were no longer acceptable and as soon as minki found out this ongoing sexual relationship between wonho and taeyoung’s cousin, he broke it off with him finally and moved around different places for a while since wonho would not leave his apartment he couldn’t go back. Taeyoung and minki ended up dating each other now and he succeeded as a model turned actor with this role. Wonho after a series of events was able to let minki go after seeing him one last time and apologizing for everything he’s done to him. The movie was very successful and won many awards and the ending of the series just showed taeyoung and minki talking about their relationship on screen and off screen to the viewers...hence the title “behind the scenes”

Okay this trash made me angry and sad at the same time since it talked about a relationship that has gone bad and two people refusing to leave it since they have been together for a long time. You know when you should end things and if a person starts to change there is no way for them to be the same again. So all in all this story is really good for depicting all sorts of relationship issues and drama. I would say yes give this read because the story itself says a lot about the writer and how they think. This is one of those stories the pull you into the depths of hell and once you resurface your see things in a different perspective.

3) Turn off the camera:

“Yeon Jihoon is the leader of an idol group that’s hit a dead-end in their career. Now, he’s received a golden opportunity to save his group: a spot on the year’s most anticipated reality show, where he’ll spend two weeks living and filming with top stars Do Yoojin and Seon Yohan. The one threat to the show’s success? Yoojin and Yohan won’t stop having sex with each other. To stop a scandal from tanking the show and his career, Jihoon must keep his co-stars’ antics hidden from the cameras at all costs. Will Jihoon be able to keep these steamy shenanigans a secret for two weeks? And will he survive when both of his co-stars turn their attention on him?”

This is some straight up kinky garbage, like the description says, jihoon got the opportunity to promote his group by becoming a member in an upcoming reality show with two popular actors, the show is a reality show of the three of them living together doing daily activities while cameras are installed in their home. You can see where this is going right? When jihoon first arrived into the house to greet the other two actors; yoojin and yohan and he found the two of them in a room having doing sexual acts and even tried to cover for them when the camera crew arrived up stairs in the room.

After several attempts of the other two actors having sex at different points in time jihoon became very aware of the fact that they were doing this for the fun of not being able to get caught having sex on camera. So basically this was like a fun game to the two actors.

Yoojin and yohan were caught the third time by jihoon while having sex on the kitchen table and so the three of them had a discussion and jihoon made them sign an agreement not to touch him...of course that didn’t work and he was caught in unfortunate circumstances surrounding the both of them, to the point where both sex partners started to want to pursue jihoon for themselves.lol

This manhwa is just straight up kinky trash, it is meant to be a satire on three some relationships and not meant to be taken seriously, so just going by that, there’s not much point to the story, it’s not in depth it’s just interesting to watch jihoon reject these actors advances in order to save his virginity.lol. I feel like from the recent chapters jihoon maybe more interested in yoojin than yohan so i’m waiting to see if yohan even has a chance to be on jihoon’s radar.

This is still ongoing and it only has 20 chapters so far so i don’t have that much to say about it, this was just something really normal in terms of yaoi to read while I was reading some dark stories, the art is really nice too if that is of any interest to you.

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So there are a couple of series that are quite popular that I have left out because I have dropped then fairly early on.  one series called “Hate or Love” which i started a while back then and didn’t like the whole plot of having an abusive sibling forcing another sibling into a sexual relationship... i’m like nope...

This manhwa should have just been called “ Domestic boyfriend” I would have avoided it all together, because I have read “Domestic girlfriend” it is essentially the theme, and a giant dumpster fire of flaming garbage.

The main reason i stopped it was because the other person that I was hoping the main guy would end up with didn’t end up as the “ winner” well from what the comments said anyways, cause i stopped fairly early on when i found out the guy i liked was not going to be the end game, that makes me sad cause from the early chapters that i have read, there was a lot of sexual tension between the two of them and I was hoping this author would not push abusive sibling relationship as the plot...but looks like she did ...and i don’t care for it and find it gross...but that’s my morals, even if they were not siblings by blood they grew up together as siblings...that’s still vastly inappropriate. I'm used to it since I grew up with Japanese anime and manga with incest themes, but it still bothers me.... Vampire knight...

Even if they were not even related, i still would not like that red haired dude regardless cause his character seems like a dick, and i don’t think he suffered enough consequences for his actions to make him a redeemable character in my opinion. And also...out of 7 billion people on this earth, you would rather be with your brother...smh.

Also if we are talking about using sibling relationships in a sexual way as a plot line, then how i interpret this manhwa is that it is focused on more of glorifying abuse and sexual relations between siblings rather than making the subject matter more serious, if you know what I mean. But to each their own if you just read it because it interests you then feel free to do so, i’m not interested and decided to just drop it early on.

The other one is called “ Yours to claim” another popular series but again I don’t like dark haired dude,  I think he’s a dick and if it was me I’d choose the blonde guy, he seems like he would be a person that would treat me better. I just don’t understand the appeal of being treated like shit by people, if anyone treats you like that...please dump their ass! Because It’s not okay! Both of these have the “ other guy “ as the better option for a potential relationship but they always choose the other messed up abusive/ bad boy and i just don’t why...i just feel disappointed but literally not surprised since it’s an ongoing trope in any sort of romance based media.

But needless to say there is nothing for us as the audience to do but to read them, we don't make any calls on who the person ends up with and the plot lines that happen in the story, so that is that i guess.

I’m having a mental breakdown just thinking about these two series, i included then briefly cause they fall into this weeks’ theme of trash.

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MUSIC

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Nothing special to share in this department this month, mostly listening to podcasts .lol.

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K-DRAMAS/SHOWS

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The tale of nokdu:

I described this drama as the mulan reversal, if you know the story of mulan, she dresses up as a man and goes into the imperial army camp to fight in the war in place of her father, nokdu is an adopted child that was suddenly hunted down by a bunch of assassins one day and instead of fleeing with his father and older brother he decided to follow the assassin into the city since he was able to injure them in the leg. He followed the assassin into town and was almost able to catch them when he was suddenly arrested from a disturbance another young man in town has caused. Later he found out that the assassin was heading to a village that was out of sight and exclusively to women, in order for him to go in he would need to dress up as a woman, the opportunity arose when he helped a young woman escape from the village with her husband and she gave him her clothes in exchange for his to escape. He then infiltrates the village and now has to chase after the assassin and try to kill the mastermind behind the assault on his family. But what he discovers was more than what it seems. This is 16 episodes and is completed if you want to watch it; I recommend it since its really good.

True beauty:

Everyone and their mother is watching this web toon turned drama, I say this cause my sister who gave up watching any k-dramas watched this one and read it...this is something, she doesn’t like a lot of things so i decided to watch it after she told me it was good. I watched it and I didn’t like it mainly because the problems in here is very much a young adult type of problem, like having acne and having to deal with bullies at school, these are all problems you mainly deal with when younger so none of this drama is relatable so I didn’t enjoy it. If you like the high school romance drama setting you might like this, but I have watched so much more meaningful dramas, this doesn’t do it for me.

That’s all the dramas I have watched so far, I mainly have been listening to podcasts instead of watching anything, I find it hard to find an interesting drama to watch these days, I have been enjoying listening to people talk about nothing lol.

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ANIME

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Haikyuu:

Finished Haikyuu season 4 part 2, I left this for a while so that all the episodes were finished and every time I watch it i gives me the same feeling every time. This part focuses on a lot of characters that were not fully flushed out in the first few seasons, like tanaka and nishinoya and one of the bench players...i forgot his name. I really like their portrayal of hinata this season he really is the saving grace of karasuno, not because of his obscure skills in volleyball or incredible stamina but because he’s playing volleyball because he loves it and it is fun even if the stakes are high. I feel a lot of the players here this season were so stressed they forgot that the game is supposed to be fun, and he keeps reminding them that it is what it is and that they should live in the moment. I loved seeing that develop in his character because i feel like there was too much focused on kageyama for a while and I wanted to see more of hinata’s growth.

So I was pleased with season 4 and I can’t wait to see more, haikyuu is really one of those anime that people are widely talking about now and it really is well deserved.

Skate the infinity:

Another sports anime about skate boarding, the animation is really nice and art style is really beautiful. I know there are so many sports anime out there now but this one is really interesting, I like the relationship between the two main characters reki and langa, it reminds me of the friendship between riku and sora in Kingdom hearts, reki teaches langa how to skate board from scratch and langa being a previous snow boarder was able to race one of the best contenders in the underground skating rink and beat them in a match but of course he isn’t a genius so he wanted to learn everything from the ground up since he thought it was fun. Lol. I like seeing the progress so far in their skating journey, this anime is really wholesome.

Dr. Ramune mysterious disease specialist:

This is a very satire anime, It is really comedic and deals with a doctor treating weird diseases, like the first episode there was a girl with a disease that made her cry out condiments as tears. It's actually very interesting in terms of the types of diseases they treat in each episode and how he uses these magical items to do so, that is a really bad explanation for this show but please watch it .It’s interesting so far and I’ll write more as it finishes.

so as a finishing statement, I hope you all enjoyed the favorites for January, I have been able to catch up on a lot of things which is why I have so many things to talk about this month, I already have the next theme for the Hell segment planed out for next month, so I can't wait to share that, if you like the manhwa recommendations and my excessive ranting so far.

until then. please take care of yourself and your love ones ! lunar new years is coming up, have a great year and I hope 2021 will be a lot better please follow me on my social media listed below if you'd like

thanks!

sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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[isthisthingeven0n]

further down the line : d.d

brief summary: breakups are never easy, especially when your ex is half way across the world. 

word count: 1.6k requested: nope, it’s something i wanted to try out (thanks hormones) warnings: none that i’m aware of, just angsty and kinda sad 

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

m y  e t s y  s h o p

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

“Are you ready?” David sits down beside you, a cushion resting between you both as you glance up to the lens as a shaky breath escapes your lips.

“I guess.” You mutter as you tear your eyes from the viewfinder, seeing the pair of you together on camera for the last time. “Just feels,” You start, unsure where your sentence was supposed to end.

David nods along, resisting the urge to reach out and take your hand in his. “We’ll be okay, Y/n.” David tells you with a small smile. “Right, let’s do this.” David exhales deeply whilst you swallow back the lump in your throat, trying to present yourself in the best light as David looks to you.

“Is this how we start it then?” You ask him quietly. “I mean, I’ve never filmed one of these before.” A short laugh escapes your lips, a harmonious sound of David joining in.

“Never thought I’d film another,” David comments, his voice cracking ever so slightly as his eyes remain locked with yours. “come on, we can do this.” His eyes begin to gloss over as you reach out, unable to stop yourself squeezing his hand lightly before averting your focus back to the camera.

“Well, we broke up.” You state bluntly. “Thanks for watching, bye guys.” You wave to the camera as you rise to your feet, David’s laughter echoing in the room as you quickly return to your seat.

“But for real, we erm, we’re not together anymore,” David explains as you rest your hands in your lap, listening intently to his voice as he repeats the story you’ve shared countless times now with all your friends and close family members. “it was completely mutual, no one cheated, I don’t hate her, she doesn’t hate me.”

“That’s what you think.” You interject with a joke, easing the heaviness in the room as David flashes a smile to you. “We’re still on good terms, we’re just not together.”

“And well, we haven’t been for three months?” David questions, looking over to you as you nod. “Shit, I mean go us for keeping it together this long.” He raises his hand for a high five which you reciprocate.

“I mean, I’ve been a mess behind the scenes.” You hold your hands up in defence. “But it’s expected, especially when you go online and there’s thousands of cute edits and all.” You wipe your eyes as tears are now threatening to spill over.

“It’s a good thing though, I promise.” David adds. “We’re both in better places, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t still care about you,” David turns to face you, tears now falling from his eyes setting you off.

“Why did you have to go and cry you know it makes me cry.” You whisper, wiping your eyes as a watery laugh leaves your lips.

“Let’s take five.” David mutters as he reaches up and turns the camera off, allowing you to have a quiet cry as you bring your legs to your chest whilst David leaves the room.

As David turns the corner from the podcast room, Ilya greets him with a sincere smile whilst Natalie bypasses him and walks into the podcast room to comfort you.

“How’s it going, Dave?” Ilya asks as he rests his arm around David who sniffs loudly, nodding to himself.

“It was always going to be hard, you know?” David mumbles to himself as Ilya guides him over to the couch, trying not to fixate on the distant conversation between you and Natalie.

“It’s fine, just weird being back.” You explain to Natalie as your eyes wander over the studio, remembering all the times you sat in the corner whilst David recorded the podcast with Jason or the late nights you found yourself falling asleep whilst David edited a vlog beside you. “But it’s good to see you, Nat.”

Natalie smiles as she wraps her arms around you. “You don’t have to be a stranger, Y/N/N,” Natalie coos as you sigh against her shoulder. “we all still miss you.”

“I miss you too, but I should get used to it.” You half laugh as you wipe your face, just as David reenters the room.

“Love you.” Natalie blows you a kiss which you catch and wave as she exits the room, leaving you and David to film what is going to be the most difficult segment of this video.

With red eyes, David takes his seat after pressing record on his camera.

“A while ago, well, four months ago I was offered a job which I’ve been dreaming of for years.” You start, rubbing your sweaty palms over your thighs. “If anyone follows me, you’ll know that this was an opportunity I couldn’t turn down, but,” You glance up at David who watches you with such pride. “it’s in London.”

“And could be a permanent placement, leading to more.” David adds and you silently thank him for carrying on. “This isn’t the sole reason why we broke up, but I want what’s best for you, and this is what’s best.” David sniffs, and you choke on a sob as you cover your mouth, reliving the break up all over again.

“I guess by the time you’re watching this, I’ll have gone?” You question, and David nods in agreement. “But we’re doing okay, we still care about one another, but we’re just not together.” You finish, and David leans over and kisses your temple.

“If you could please be respectful and yeah, thanks guys.” David gives the camera a thumbs up before walking over and ending the recording. “Thanks, Y/n.” David speaks up as he turns back to face you, watching as you wipe your face.

“Of course,” You smile sadly to him as you grab your bag. “take care of yourself, Dobrik.” You chuckle as you rise to your feet and wrap your arms around his neck tightly, making the most of your last hug.

David rests his chin on the top of your head, wishing he didn’t have to let go. But all good things come to an end, and this was your ending.

“Bye, Y/n.” David mutters as you pull away and walk out from the podcast room, knowing there is no turning back now, you can only go forward.

*

Eight months later.

It wasn’t something he intentionally did, but whenever it happened David found himself in a rabbit hole, unable to find his way back to the surface.

You’d posted a photo of you and some friends, out for dinner in some fancy looking resturant and you just looked happy.

Sure, David had posted photos of himself and others with bright smiles, but behind the scenes part of him still longed to hold you close.

“Hey, Dave?” Natalie peers through into his room as Taylor stands behind her.

Pausing, Natalie watches as David lowers his phone before wandering over and sitting on his bed. “What’s up?” David asks, locking his phone before the girls can see what he’s up to.

“We’re going to get some food, want anything?” Taylor speaks up as Ella yells for her. “Just text me if you do!” She calls out as she exits his room, leaving him and Natalie alone.

Yet, Natalie is wearing that look, the one she mastered when she was a teenager with David. “What is it, Nat?” David huffs, and before he can stop her, Natalie reaches out for David’s phone, unlocking it revealing what she already anticipated.

“You know you can just call her, or text her, right?” Natalie suggests, but David shakes his head as he reaches back for his phone, glancing down at your bright smile before discarding his phone.

“She’s happy, Nat. She’s moved on.” David states. “And, and I’m trying to.” He mutters before running his hands through his hair, resting them amongst his curls as he sighs deeply into his chest.

“It’s okay, Dave.” Natalie shuffles across David’s best until she’s sat beside him, resting her back against his headboard as Ilya wanders in. “You’ve still got all of us, Y/n isn’t gone forever you know, you can reach out.”

“I can’t, Natalie.” David reiterates his point as he looks up to her with tired eyes. “If I do it’ll just remind me of what I can’t have, of everything I let go and won’t ever get back.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Dave.” Ilya adds, but David forcefully shakes his head.

“I’m not doing that to her, she, she’s happy in London, living the life she wanted and has dreamed of.” David moves past his two best friends as he climbs off his bed, grabbing his phone and keys. “I’ll never do anything to ruin that, I just, I’ll be fine.” He mutters under his breath before leaving his bedroom and the faint sound of the front door slamming causes Ilya to jump.

Silence looms over the pair until Ilya speaks up. “Do you think she’s really moved on?” Ilya asks, glancing over to Natalie who hums to herself.

“Looks that way.” Natalie sighs as she pulls out her phone, showing Ilya the photos you recently sent Natalie of you with a guy by the London Eye, bright smiles as his arm rests around your waist. “His names Fred.”

“Stupid name.” Ilya mutters. “Does David know?”

“He hasn’t said anything to me, but Y/n hasn’t posted anything of him online yet, it’s a recent thing, early days, you know?” Natalie explains.

“Damn.” Ilya whistles as he leans back. “I miss her, you know?”

Natalie smiles sadly to herself, nodding in agreement. “Me too, Ilya.” She shuffles to lie down beside her best friend. “Me too.”