#but I have access to the stove and the dishwasher now

[uwudonoodle]

Sent my mom an update on how unpacking is going.

She sent me a picture of The Count! I love my family.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

What do you think cooking looks like in the wizarding world?

As in, how many modern ameneties do you think they're incorporating? We can assume they have things like a toaster, since they eat toast all the time in the books (unless there's a toasting spell) but I highly doubt the wizards have a dishwasher, since magic can fulfill the same function and the Weasleys don't use one.

Other things, like microwaves, are a little more unclear to me, since there's definitely a spell to reheat food, but microwaves also have some unique properties in HOW they cook that gets you things like mug cookies. And how would they be cooking rice? They'd probably have to stovetop it right? Which seems a lot more inconvenient than a microwave or a rice cooker.

Adding into that, there are unique ingredients wizards have access to with magical plants and animals that might require a different approach to cooking them. Do you have any thoughts on that front?

Do you think certain foods that are less common in the muggle world are really common in the wizarding world? Or vice versa?

We also know house elves do a lot of the cooking and chores for families that have them, but how much magic is involved in that process?

It also seems like even with magic involved, it takes Molly a lot of time and effort to cook. That might just be because she has to cook so much to feed everyone or because they eat everything homecooked, but I feel like it's an indicator that cooking with magic doesn't make the process that much easier, just different. Instead of a dishwasher you're using your wand and all that.

And speaking of homecooked, what kind of pre-packaged meals do you think exist in the wizarding world, and what would prep for that look like?

Sorry, this was like 12 questions in one, I just had more thoughts the more I looked at it.

I saw this ask and I was immediately super interested to answer it because it raises some fun world-building details. Now, I'm gonna say, right out of the gate, I think wizards use close to 0 (zero) modern amenities in cooking. They have spells, stoves, ovens, tools like knives, and that's basically it.

I'm gonna start with the toast since you can make toast without a toaster. All you need is a frying pan (or oven, but I use a frying pan).

So I assume that's how wizards make toast as Mr. Weasley clearly treats toasters as a muggle contraption he has no clue how to use:

Sitting on top of Mr. Weasley’s overflowing in-tray was an old toaster that was hiccuping in a disconsolate way and a pair of empty leather gloves that were twiddling their thumbs.

(OotP)

(I want to note about toast in a frying pan, as someone who makes it occasionally, the taste and consistency of the bread is so much better in a pan than in a toaster. You fry it with butter (or olive oil) so it doesn't get dry like in a toaster. It's great, you should try it)

And you don't need a rice cooker to cook rice, you can make rice in a pot on the stove with water, that's a thing people do (by people, I mean me, I never owned a rice cooker). Like, people made rice before the rice cooker was invented (as they made toast before the toaster was invented). But, I'll note I don't think rice is a standard part of the cuisine in Magical Britain, at least it doesn't seem to be served at Hogwarts or at the Weasleys. The staple carbs we see served most often in the books are potatoes, I believe (potatoes are probably the most mentioned food that isn't candy).

Like toasters, wizards have no idea what a microwave is or how it works:

Back in the kitchen, Moody had replaced his eye, which was spinning so fast after its cleaning it made Harry feel sick. Kingsley Shacklebolt and Sturgis Podmore were examining the microwave and Hestia Jones was laughing at a potato peeler she had come across while rummaging in the drawers. 

(OotP)

They don't even know how to work a potato peeler which is interesting since they do peel potion ingredients. I assume they are used to just using knives and scalpels to peel ingredients and not peelers made for the job. Basically, wizards still cook like in the 19th century in terms of tools and amenities.

I was always under the impression they have heating, cooling, and preserving charms (since they don't have fridges) that replace many amenities. Though I assume preserving charms won't really work like a fridge, they would keep the food as it is, if it's warm, it stays warm so you won't even have to reheat it!

And any heating charm would likely not be able to cook like a microwave, neither would it heat like an oven or a stove (I imagine it'll have an effect similar to an air fryer if I had to guess) and they don't seem to have ready-made microwavable food either, so, they won't really need a microwave. I mean, all the food we see is homemade from scratch. Besides, pre-made meals just don't fit the vibe of the Wizarding World.

To continue the discussions of household charms, there is a charm that make dishwashers unnecessary:

She [Molly] flicked her wand casually at the dishes in the sink, which began to clean themselves, clinking gently in the background.

(CoS)

As for it taking Molly time to cook even with magic, well, I think that has more to do with the cooking than the effort. Like, magic probably makes quite a few of the processes necessary for cooking (peeling, mixing, dicing, etc.) easier, but cooking still takes the same time. Like, if you need a certain amount of minutes to heat up water to a boiling point in a given heat, magic doesn't make a difference. If it takes 2 hours for something to bake in an even heat in the oven, it would still be 2 hours even if the heat source is magical. The heat is still the same heat. That's why, I think, magic doesn't really affect the time it takes for something to cook.

(I will note it's possible mixing, dicing, and peeling might need to be done by hand too considering they do all of this by hand for potions. But I think they can be done by magic mostly because potion-making is different from cooking and it's likely spells for this aren't as exact and precise as doing it by hand, especially for young and inexperienced wizards and witches. Also, a severing charm exists, and making a spoon mix a cauldron for you is very similar to making utensils clean themselves, which is something we know they can do. So, I think this is more a matter of personal preference of whoever is cooking)

House-elves need to cook the way wizards do. They don't have any unique magic that can speed things up. Certain things take a certain amount of time to cook and no magic can help it. There are pots and pans in Grimmauld Place that Kreacher uses to cook:

The kitchen was almost unrecognizable. Every surface now shone: Copper pots and pans had been burnished to a rosy glow; the wooden tabletop gleamed; the goblets and plates already laid for dinner glinted in the light from a merrily blazing fire, on which a cauldron was simmering. 

(DH)

He still needs to cook in pots just like Molly does. So house-elf magic doesn't make much of a difference, I think.

As for common foods, I don't really know. We see potatoes and meats are very common, so, I'd say wizard cuisine is probably very local and doesn't have as much modern or international influences as the muggle one does. Wizards don't have fast food, nor do the ones in the UK seem to eat Asian food, for example. The food we see in the series is all very British. So, I think the cuisine would really be very local and based on stuff grown/raised locally by wizards (and perhaps muggles on occasion) for the most part. At least, that's the impression I got.

As for magical ingredients in food, well, most magical plants and herbs have magical properties used for potions. Many of these are properties you don't want your food to have, so I don't think magical plants are used for cooking often if at all.

Same with magical creatures as most of them are illegal to capture and kill. So, I don't see them as part of the cuisine either.

These are the thoughts I have on this at least.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Somehow, I stumbled on 2 sexy-themed homes this morning. This one has an interesting background. It was a Polygamous church that got involved in Food Stamp Fraud. But, it's fairly cheap for a compound- the 1975 bldg. in Hildale, UT has 19bds, 13ba, and is a low $849K (Usually compounds are in the millions).

So, let's take a look. Maybe it can be turned into a mansion. It took 14 yrs. to settle the case and finally evict them from the property.

Oh, okay, this is nice. Balconies, a marble fireplace and built-in shelving.

It's very roomy and they left it nice and clean. I'm thinking that maybe the carpeted area is a dining room?

Wow, look at the size of the stove.

Two sinks and an industrial dishwasher.

Two huge commercial fridges. This is a nice wall, but it's across from the fridges. Maybe it's a small kitchen dining space?

Then, in the next room, there's a triple commercial sink, fridge, and door to a terrace.

A carpeted room off the front entrance.

Large room with a sink. They must have had this place custom built.

One of the baths. A simple 3pc. All 13 baths are similar- basic and utilitarian.

Now, also off the main room is a hallway where someone painted a mural.

Looks like an odd bedroom.

What in the world is this?

These stairs look kind of hidden.

A bedroom? The bed goes between the cabinets?

Sunny room with a door to the patio.

This place is huge. Why does it have these little steps in some rooms?

Bedroom with en-suite.

Stairs to another level.

Upstairs over the main room. This is so spacious.

The rounded bedrooms with access to the terrace are the nicest.

This carpeted room has a nice built-in.

Clothing storage is a simple closet w/o doors.

One of the rooms in the front - a nice round window with a view of the mountains.

More bedrooms on the 3rd fl.

It's a large property .93 acre, so it's almost an acre.

I wonder who would buy it? It appears to have been empty since 2019.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/495-W-Utah-Ave-Hildale-UT-84784/122541977_zpid/

https://www.fox13now.com/2019/06/18/after-14-years-the-legal-battle-over-the-flds-churchs-land-is-finally-over

[foodandfolklore]

Kitchen Basics and Essentials

Earlier I made a quick list of Kitchen Witch Essentials, and planned to expand on it later. However, my list was made with the assumption that you have the basics to cook with. So, I figured I'd go over them to ensure we're all on the same page moving forward.

I am not a professionally trained chef. I'm just a Canadian home cook who's had an interest in cooking since young. Not everything I think is important, other home cooks will think is important. But I think we can agree on about 90% of what I list.

Utensils

Knives. Any list about Kitchen essentials, the Chef's knife will be right at the top. But you'll actually need 2, maybe 3 knives. The chef's knife, as mentioned, or just a main working knife. It's knife used for cutting up everything from meat to veggies to garnish. If you prefer to use a Chinese Cleaver, go for it. Your second knife you should have is a paring knife. Basically a small knife. It's good for more delicate work like eyeing potatoes, cutting up berries, stuff like that. Now most people will tell you, that's all the knives you really need, but I recommend one more. Particularly if you are going to get into bread making. A serrated knife like a bread knife. It is so hard to cut bread with a flat edge, because you end up squishing it. The serrated knife will cut crusty bread without issue.

Pots and Pans. I think it's fair to assume you have at least two pots and a pan or skillet. You can boil pasta and cook sauce at the same time with the option to fry an egg if you wanted to.

Cutting Board. Protect your surfaces and your knives and use your cutting board! I see you quickly chopping up veggies on a plate. Having multiple cutting boards can be quite useful for when you are preparing something like meat. I like to use a plastic cutting board to do most of my meat cutting on so it can be easily put in my dishwasher when done.

Vegetable Peeler. There's a lot of different kinds of peelers. Some are fancy, some can turn vegetables into noodles, some are electric; I'm just talking the basic hand held vegetable peeler. It does a lot without taking up much space.

Measuring Cups and Spoons. Super important to have if you're following directions from another recipe. As you get more experience, you'll find yourself measuring every ingredient less and less. But if you're baking, or trying something new, measure.

Mixing Bowl. Your cereal bowls are only going to get you so far. A mixing bowl can hold Salads, marinating meat, pancake batter- just not at the same time. If you enjoy baking, you will want more than one.

Baking Trays. Ideally two of these. Most known for cookies, but used for roasting all kinds of things in the oven. It's also good to put one in under the rack of something that drips while cooking. Lasagna is bad for this. Catching the falling food on a baking tray makes clean up way easier.

Appliances

Stove. Doesn't matter if it's gas, electric, induction; how many heating elements you have; I'm assuming you have a stove.

Oven. Since most stoves are built into an oven, I am going to assume you also have an oven. I know not every place is allowed to have one, but chances are if you're interested in Kitchen witchcraft, you have access to these things.

Microwave. These days, they are everywhere. Some apartments will be built with a kitchenet which has no stove, but definitely a microwave. These are super helpful, melting butter, defrosting ingredients, while being very safe.

Fridge/Freezer. The modern standard of food preservation. Every home that consumes perishables has at lest one; and it's not uncommon for a large family to have more than one fridge or freezer.

Also

Salt. If you're cooking, you're gunna need salt. Especially if you're going down the route of Kitchen Witchcraft. Not a lot; I got excited one time and bought like 5 different kinds of salt. I'll probably be dead before I use it all. You don't need a bunch or even fancy salts. Just get a box of salt; Kosher, Sea, Pink, whatever. Even the finely ground iodize salt will work.

Oven Mitts. Pulling stuff out of the oven is hot! Protect yourself from burns.

[wonda-fhr]

A short Chargestep story. From tongs, zuccinis and other shenanigans. All he wanted to do was cook. No warnings needed. Except about too much fun.

Read here or on AO3

-----------

Slowly, you have made good friends with your wheelchair. As the pain has eased and you can sit more comfortably, you have become more mobile with your vehicle. Even though you can't walk yet, the urge to be more active is growing every day.

Sitting at the table chopping vegetables while Ric rumbles in the kitchen does nothing to offset your activated exuberance. Your mood is good, you had a restful night in strong arms, and there is significantly less painkiller flowing through your veins than there has been since the accident. A melody comes to your lips, to which you automatically adapt your cutting rhythm. At least you keep your mind and hands busy.

The handling of pots and pans in the kitchen ends abruptly. But you only realize that Ortega is watching you when he crouches down next to you, resting his head and hands on the armrest of the wheelchair. You stop your humming and give way to a free smile that your listener returns immediately. You press a playful kiss to his forehead and look at him with sparkling eyes.

"If you sit here, we won't get anything to eat today."

"If you're here, chopping vegetables and humming happily, how can you expect me to stand in the kitchen?"

"Go away. Shoo! Shoo! Into the kitchen with you. If you're so easily distracted, I'll have to cook for myself soon."

"Oh, once I really start cooking, nothing will distract me. Not a chance." Infamous last words, you think as Ortega slips back into the kitchen, unable to see your diabolical grin. You continue humming your tune, slicing the last of the peppers and rolling with them into the kitchen.

You could just put the board down and roll back out. Or, of course, you could put the board on the other side of the hobby cook and roll so close to him that your shoulder brushes his butt. You get a quick "hey" and a sideways glance before Ortega turns his full attention back to his pans.

Your eyes scan the kitchen for useful items that might aid your mission. While you put the peppers away and the small knife in the dishwasher, three items end up next to you in the wheelchair, without your victim suspecting the slightest thing.

Completely unsuspecting, you place yourself with your back to the kitchen counter next to the busy master chef and decide to use the grill tong first. Ortega is wearing only a loose old shirt under his untied apron, both falling loosely from his belly and allowing you free access. You wait with your plan until he lifts the pan of onions to toss the contents expertly. Carefully, you slide the tong under his shirt, fishing for the small bumps on his chest.

A brief twitch tells you that your attack has been noticed, but his concentration remains on the pan. When the pan suddenly finds its way back to the stove with a loud bang, you know that you've hit the right spot this time, and you have to let out a giggle.

"Sneaky troublemaker, do you really want to put your food at risk with these shenanigans?" The amused evil look he gives you from above doesn't discourage you in any way. Now he's warned, which only increases the challenge and your ambition.

"I'm not risking anything, you're far too professional to get distracted, aren't you?"

This time you don't wait long, you pull out the wooden spoon and slide it sideways across his ribs and lower back. You see the muscles twitch, but Ortega keeps stirring in the pan, ignoring you stoically.

You let the spoon explore his back some more while you take a close look at the position of his pants. Without interrupting the gentle strokes on his back, you turn the wooden spoon in your hand so that the handle is free. Once again, the spoon wanders around the sensitive area around the ports between his shoulder blades before you sink the handle deep into his pants between his cheeks.

"¡Dios mío! Now you're overdoing it."

This time he turns to you, hands on his hips, glaring down at you. Now you're facing him head-on, just as you planned. Without justifying yourself, your hand darts forward, presses the zucchini against his crotch, and begins to rub with light pressure. The moment he blinks for far too long is your confirmation that you have him completely off-balance. You know his defeat is certain when you hear his almost suppressed but far too sharp breathing.

He supports himself with one hand on the stove and pulls his hips back to escape your vegetable attack. Just as he meets your gaze and opens his mouth to say something, you take your helpful toy and slowly slide your tongue around the tip of the zucchini. Ric doesn't close his mouth again, no word escapes his lips as he stares at you as if mesmerized.

A slight narrowing of his eyes warns you early enough that it's time to make your escape. Laughing, you give up on the spoiled vegetable and quickly roll past Ric and out of the kitchen. He has already guessed that you want to run away and is on your heels faster than you can escape from him.

You only make it a few feet out of the kitchen and into the living room when a strong tug on the wheelchair causes you to lurch forward for a moment before you are tipped way too far back. With both hands, Ric tilts the wheelchair far enough that you are almost horizontal underneath him.

"I've got you under my control now, troublemaker." He leans over you and kisses you deeply. You enjoy him on top of you. How the beard on his chin tickles your nose and his tongue explores you in a whole new way in this unfamiliar position. You let him take control of this kiss all by himself. But he cannot control your hands. You slide them under his shirt until you can squeeze his nipples between your fingers on either side.

His sudden heavy breathing interrupts the kiss briefly, giving you a moment to deliver a whispered message. "Are you sure you're in control here?"

"What the hell is wrong with you today? I'm about to drop you. What have you done to my lovely, reserved David?" Now he's looking you straight in the eye, still bent over you, but smiling curiously.

"You broke him yourself by making it clear to him that you don't mind orange paint. Now I don't have to restrain myself to make sure you keep your hands off me."

"Ten cuidado, querido. I'm getting addicted to your happy you."

"That's my master plan." You grin mischievously, it's time for you to take back the control. He wouldn't drop you, not even when you pull his head down with both hands. First you kiss his forehead, then his eyes, his cheeks, and finally you get his lower lip between your teeth. You tease his lips a little more with your tongue before pushing him away a little to meet his eyes lovingly. "I guess you burned the onions, love."

He manages to get the wheelchair and you upright before jumping cursingly into the kitchen, leaving you laughing in the living room.

[running-in-the-dark]

right. so. we're getting our oven/stove and our dishwasher delivered sometime this week or early next week (separately, and both to the front door of the house only... so I'll have to figure that out somehow), and then the kitchen cabinets and countertops and all of that at the end of next week. so we've got to have enough space for that, and then also enough space to actually assemble everything. I'm so stressed :)

also I definitely did too much so I'm not getting my energy back at the moment, and all I can do most of the day now is lie down. which is certainly not helpful for getting all of this done :)

but at least the electrician should come by in the next few days to do the last thing that needs to be done before we finally have internet access. hopefully. maybe. no one's quite sure yet. but it would be great 😬

[easyfixllc]

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[jenroses]

There are no good, easy answers for appliances. The vast majority of them are garbage, regardless of price point, especially fridges. I prefer to go by which brands I can get serviced locally, which don't upcharge the parts to a ludicrous degree. So far we're doing okay with Whirlpool for our most recent fridge and washing machine. Speed queen for dryer, hands down, no question (their washing machines are less of a slam dunk for a variety of reasons, but we got a speed queen commercial dryer and I think it will probably outlive me). For microwaves, panasonic is probably the best cost/quality intersection. We just replaced one that lasted about a decade with another panasonic, it was about $150 at Costco. And dishwashers? You pays your money and you takes your chances.

I am now Never Samsung, Never LG specifically because of repairability issues. I do not buy those brands under any circumstances if I can possibly help it because the cost and difficulty of repair is ludicrous. Frigidaire seems to think that we eat our fridge shelves and did not include them in the warranty because they are "consumable", and then made them out of plastic that is not particularly durable in the cold. And cost like $70 per shelf to replace. The whirlpool fridge ice maker is sometimes iffy but for accessibility reasons we need through the door filtered water. If you can do without, avoid in-door ice makers and water dispensers whatever brand you get. Otherwise the whirlpool fridge has been great, and the ice maker fixes itself sometimes? The water always works so we just got a countertop ice maker and called it a day. Our LG washing machine looked perfect but replacing the motor was going to cost far more than it was worth. Our LG stove crapped out after about 4-5 years and the thing that broke was going to be NONSENSE expensive to fix, like $500. The whirlpool stove we have had for almost two decades has one burner out but i know what's wrong with it and the part to fix it is like $20. At some point someone will pull the thing out and we will fix that burner. Repairability.

And you don't have to repair things yourself to take that into account, it also matters if you pay someone else to fix it, because parts availability MATTERS. When the pump went out on our washer, they flat out didn't make it anymore. The thing was only like 9 years old. And no parts. Whirlpool, meanwhile has readily available parts and doesn't seem to change them on purpose to stop people from fixing things. YMMV.

👋 hi, i wanted to ask, do you know or have any tips on moving to a different state? or failing that, any recommendations for good sturdy appliances? that bread maker you posted about looked good. sorry if this isn’t something you do, i’m just trying to see if there’s any tips out here before i go looking myself

I didn't do most of the planning for our last move bc I was planning the house-selling part and my wife planned the move. :/

If you can be more specific about what kind of appliance I can try?

[mythicalcoolkid]

Man my things I'd want in a house are so modest. Warm water in the bathroom sink. A dishwasher. Insulation in the walls. Central heating. A bathtub (particularly one big enough to lay down in all the way). Like? These are really standard things? If I told a realtor I wanted insulated walls - ALL insulated walls - they'd probably be like "um... are you okay...?"

[harrie-cc]

The Brownstone Collection - Part One

This set comprises of 21 items for the kitchen of your gorgeous New York Brownstone. The main focus of this month was to create a kitchen with clean minimal lines, and to take a few risks along the way. I knew that to achieve this sleek look, built in appliances were a must. There is a built in fridge that looks just like the tall wall cabinet, dishwasher, stove, oven & hob. Creating built in appliances comes with its owns set of challenges as appliances use a different shader in the game to counters, so they will never fully match, no matter what I do. Unfortunatley I can't apply the counter shader to appliances as it can't be used for an item with moving parts :( So I've used all the same texture and colours on the appliances, but also a series of metals, if the mismatch makes your eyes twitch.

NOTE: The stove, oven & hob slot into counters unlike the in game stoves. However you'll need to make sure you have auto counters off when placing, otherwise they are invisible. If you do use autocabinets, you only need to turn off to place them, they will stick around once auto counters are turned back on. But on a personal note...please never use auto counters, especially not with my kitchens that I've designed end pieces for 🙏

The bespoke shaped 3 piece kitchen island has been designed to fit either to be a prep space, fit in the new seamless sink or countertop hob into the middle section. It is not designed to slot in any of the other appliances and your regular appliances will poke out of the bottom.

There are tons of swatches in the counters and as a result I actually had to divide into 2 seperate counters. There are wood, paint and plaster options for the counter fronts and a choice of white marble, black marble, terrazzo and also matching plaster for the plaster front counters.

💡TIP: If your screen is a low resolution & the couter pieces run off the side of your screen, you'll want to try playing around with the filters to move the counters further to the r/h side of the catalogue ie. filtering by colour or pack. I think thats everything for now, I'll let you discover all the rest on your own ENJOY!!

EARLY ACCESS NOW AVAILABLE FOR $5 PATRONS

Public release follows on 8th April

[ravasheencc]

CounterFit Stove & Oven Inserts

This is the next addition in the CounterFit series - stove & oven inserts! These are fully functional as both a stove and oven. They can go into any counter slot just like a dishwasher (similar to the washer/dryer). 

The oven part cuts out the counter base and the stove sits on the counter top. It works in island and regular counter styles!

At the moment there are three options which I think just cover the basic styles. I plan to add more after some feedback and other improvements I am working on. 

All are base game compatible!

In anticipation of questions/requests here are some notes:

I know separated stove and ovens are wanted. I am not currently happy with how I have been able to implement them at the moment. It is sub-par and I know it can be done better so  just know I am working on it!

Also working on a hot-pot as a stove top. Similar to above - needs improvements so not to standards yet.

I am also planning to add grill/cupcake recipes to these. WIP so hang tight.

Built in microwaves are not in my sights at the moment - there are so many working parts and this is very complex. I know there are some out there - but again the methods used are to my standards. As I learn more I will try to tackle this!

Looking for feedback on how you like the use of this before adding more styles!

Built in CounterFit BGC mini-fridges are coming soon!

Out now early access for my patrons who are putting a roof over my head and food on my table. 

Public release on February 5th!

Final PS: I know early access can be frustrating. But I never lock content behind a paywall forever. I got laid off at the end of last year due to the pandemic so my supporters on Patreon are truly the reason I am making it out in one piece at the moment. Thank you for each and every one of my patrons and also for everyone else thank for your patience during early access time!

[aelfheimerandrobots]

Welcome back everyone! I hope you rested up because we're starting our climb up the first flight of stairs to the second level of this expansive castle! Coming from the grand entrance we enter into this lovely grand ballroom! With another fully restored fireplace this space has some amazing restored furniture to highlight the sort of grand feasts that must have been held here back in the day. With plenty of access to the rest of the home the dining room serves as a focal-point for this level of the castle and is where we'll start this leg of the tour.

Moving from the dining room to the first section located in the east tower, we natural enter into the Castle's large and updated kitchen space! There's a lot of history located here in this kitchen and there is plenty of it highlighted in every inch of this warm and welcoming heart of the home. With a full equipped modern kitchen, complete with two refrigerators, two stove-top ovens, a dishwasher and restored antique sink this kitchen seamlessly blends the old remaining features with modern convenience.

With a breakfast bar and two separate breakfast nooks this kitchen space offers plenty of more intimate dining for the residents of the castle. Alternatively this can be seen as a more casual alternative to the formal dining room. With a corner tucked away with the preserved original stove and plenty of pantry space the kitchen allows for the centuries of time that have passed to really be felt here, particularly as the modern doors and safety precautions are given plenty of highlight and space. But of course the original finishes-that's a skull. That's just a skull carved directly into the wall. THAT was saved but we lost a portion of the towers? Seriously?! Uh...right okay. Moving on.

Just off of the kitchen is the upstairs laundry and storage room with stairs that lead up to the east tower Master suite and down to the ground floor office. This space feels plenty cozy and open thanks to the large doors and their glass insets which allow in more light and keep the space from feeling cramped and enclosed. Obviously this laundry room sees plenty of use and-...that's an urn. No come on! I know it looks like a vase but that's just another urn isn't it? No. No I'm not letting it go! The first one, sure, maybe I was confusing a vase for an urn but there's two now and I'm sure-...what do you mean there were more that I missed? ....Alright screw this let's just move on.

Bypassing the formal dining room entirely we can traverse from the east tower to the west through this romantic rampart that has been restored and is now useful as a secondary walk-space for clear access between one tower and the other.

The rampart empties out into another sitting room and guest bathroom which offer a careful mixture between modern industrial design and antique art-deco design and extravagance. Some of the original Victorian fixtures have been left in the bathroom and one of the castle's various statues has been relocated to this sitting room to help pull the space together.

Moving down the southern-most doorway we come to a lovely hallway that leads to the two separate guest suites. This space is quite welcoming and features some interesting industrial pieces as well as plenty original pieces from the castle's past. The built-in bookshelves in particular are quite charming and lead the way to the stairways spotted earlier on the way to the in-home gym. Of course this means plenty of access to the Castle's many facilities including the pool and-Oh! Sorry I leaned against one of the bookcases and it...moved? Huh. Oh! It's a speakeasy door! Oh that's fun and it leads into a maintenance hallway! How charming!

I said charming when I described this didn't I? I'd like to retract my statement. This is...unsettling. I understand the breaker box and tools on the wall but what's with the chalkboard calendar? And the erm...are those scratches on the walls? And a hole. I hm. Well...might as well see where the hallway let's out. I'm sure it's just that this hallway is in a bit of disrepair since it's not used often.

Oh I see! It exits into the first guest suite! Would you look at that. Huh. Well...we're not staying the night here are we? No? Good. Well, I mean, a stay wouldn't be too bad. There's a full closet, your own office and sitting space and even a walk-in closet. And each suite features an identical bathroom I'm told! Let's have a look!

Oh this is lovely! Look at all this beautifully restored features from the nineteen twenties! A full clawfoot tub and even some greenery applied to the stonework? That's amazing and-...and I just realized where that hole in the wall looked into. A coincidence. I'm sure.

Let's get out of here and go look at the other guest suite.

Now I'm told that the guest suite bathrooms are identical, simply mirroring one another, so I won't drag you all into another one but this room is a bit larger and features a bit of a different layout so it's worth a look. Oh! And honestly this room is beautiful! With plenty of lovely views and charming furniture pieces to honor the Castle's history! Oh this a big relief over the other guest suite and...hey wait a minute! I recognize that built-in bookcase!

Oh great! Another creepy maintenance hallway that's in disrepair and covered in nail marks along the walls. That's just...that's lovely. Yup. Perfect. Quick, head out before we get stuck in this nightmare space.

We'll pick this tour back up later once I recover from my panic attack.

Sims au: Old Helex, Castle Heights, Old Dreadnaught Castle| Overlord

Brought to you by popular demand we are now featuring a tour of the infamous, Dreadnaught Castle! This castle has gone by many names over the centuries and certainly has a reputation of a sort but it's current owner has certainly done quite a deal to turn this crumbling old fortress into a magnificent mansion! Now this tour may take us awhile ( a reblog or two) due to its sheer size, but don't let that deter you! This masterpiece is worth the long walk! Should you survive ....

Rather than a street view look we'll start this tour with an aerial shot of this sprawling estate. From it's magnificent front towers to it's beautiful gardens and lovely private pool this mansion features of plenty modern touches to bring the crumbling relic up to our contemporary standards. With solar panels galore, on-site farming, rain capture water heaters, and natural springs this space does it's best to erase whatever carbon footprint it might take to keep this place up and running. And the incredibly manicured gardens surely- wait...do those trees look...phallic to anyone else?

*ahem* Yes, well, phalic nature of the tree-lined exterior approach aside, the gardens are excellently maintained and offer lovely moments of picturesque splendor in this quaint countryside. And what a front walk this makes for! With a romantic fountain, iron lampposts, and an expansive patio with elegant architecture this space certainly holds to higher standard of elegance and atmosphere.

Continuing our tour of the grounds, we'll be starting with the southern garden path. This lovely pathway beckons us in with a fantastical archway and leads down an ancient but lovingly restored path to the Castle's growing fields. While not terribly expansive this section of the grounds do offer horribly fertile ground to grow grapes for the ground's famous in-house wine. I'm told that most of the manor's food needs can also be supplemented from these fields and offer a lovely tableau for the grilling and picnicking area adjacent to the fields. This outdoor rest area looks out perfectly over the estate's expansive pond, which we will happily explore next!

This large pond can be easily accessed via the posterior entrance to the estate grounds as well as from the Castle directly. The Castle entrance here leads from the ground-floor laundry and storage area directly onto this waterway and it's lovely collection of flora and fauna. With romantic archways and grottoes reserved for enjoying the beauty of nature one can hardly blame Overlord, the current owner, from doing his best to stock the pond with local wildlife. Why there's a lovely pair of swans who- Is that an Alligator? No not the log, the thing next to the log. I saw it move! I did! Right there! I- ugh... okay fine. Let's move on to finish the tour of the grounds.

This long back walk opens toward the road leading to the estate and back out to the road, allowing access to staff and guests alike from the rear should they not wish to traverse the long drive to the front entrance of the estate. Though, I'm told it's bad manners to approach the estate in this manner. The walk is lined with lovely memorials to beloved pets who once walked these grounds and opens up to the west side of the grounds which feature a historical graveyard that has largely been overtaken by native plant growth, now cut back and cultivated to reveal more of the old facade. How odd though that some of those graves seem freshly dug. Also why is there a giant bonfire located near the gravesite? Hm. Yes well, moving on. The West end of the grounds also feature some ruins from the old castle which have been left intact for posterity but removed from the castle proper due to their crumbling nature and state of disrepair. And with the grounds wrapped up, let's head on inside for the rest of the tour!

We enter on the ground floor into the lovely foyer which features many of the estates modernized furniture while also highlighting the eras that have come before. Particularly the nineteen twenties which saw quite a bit of activity for the Castle! With lovely art deco revival pieces and stately vintage furniture to highlight updated facades and restored architecture, this foyer feels grand and welcoming. The water feature in particular is quite lovely and an amazing statement piece! Huh, that vase...is that really an urn? Hm. I'm sure I must just be mistaking it for a funeral urn, that's all. Shall we move on?

Heading into the hallway on the right we've entered into a stately passageway that features some lovely modern art pieces as well as a bit of industrial storage while still providing access to the safety measures included in the castle to protect the owner's vast investment into this home.

Heading into the door on the right and we've entered into the ground floor office space. This cozy den has plenty of charm and really highlights the use of industrial, art deco, and luxury inspired pieces to create a cohesive and good-looking environment. The office's private bathroom also features lovely tile work that manages to avoid feeling cramped thanks to the vaulted ceilings and large mirror. Just around the corner from the couch is the first set of stairs on the east end of the castle, which will eventually become the east tower. Ah and I see we've included a few antique taxidermy pieces. What a...lovely vulture skull. Oh and a preserved cow-plant! How...unsettling beautiful. Erm, let's just head on out shall we?

We'll head next into the door at the end of the hall which leads us into the ground-floor laundry which has access to both the exterior grounds as well as the pool deck and patio space! The laundry itself is serviceable and feels charming with much of the original stonework and infrastructure remaining intact. And with this room we'll go ahead and take a break before returning to our impressive tour!

[lastconcourse]

Tornado Recipe UltraJune

(Symphony Futility in Z major)

Unstageable play

Regiondirect→Camereye stood parallel

A kitchen in an upper middle class home. It’s a dim noon. The counters+sink are lit by adjustable lamps on two aluminum racks overhead. In the middle of the room there is one center island; marbletopped, with two wood doors that open for access to inner-cabinet storage. The sink is in the back at stage right. There is a window above the sink. The Readers can see on the outside that there’s a dreary dusk sky, plus a cloud above. All the cabinet doors are white, the sinkfaucet is gold color, the cabinet doors are gold color. A rack of silver soupladles+spatula+tongs+whisks+tablespoons is mounted on the wall over a blender and beside a black air fryer. Right side: Out of the refrigerator come both hum and icerumble sounds. A windchime sings in parallel with nearing thunder.

(egg timer, stove, junk drawer full of rubberbands, unused tools, a tape measure, whole drawerfull of clean knives+forks+spoons, a dishwasher, a spice rack with one hundred flavors, a microwave, )

Flying soup ladles calmly stir a pot of boiled tin foil. The air fryer cheerfully pops its door open. A gantry crane lowers its chain from the ceiling, on the hook is a red wicker basket full of leather wallets. Two big bowls spin slowly like tops on the center island, one full of ice cream and the other full of fresh soup. The airfryer drops its door open and slides out its metal rack. A forklift made out of an exercise machine takes the basket and dumps the wallets on the airfryer’s rack, which is stuck out like a tongue. A flying pair of tongs with biplane wings serves rolls of bread from a tray out of the oven. The air fryer timerknob is now switched on and the timer is making its quick chatter sound. Icecream and Soup bowls drift and bounce together a bit like careening tops, and now the leather bakes.

Regiondirect→Stage right (Begin ruination of a birthday lunch)

A cardboard box full of embarassing memories is spilled down the stairs: Thousands of ruled paper sheets with awful poems written on them go wafting into the kitchen where they float around and fold into paper airplanes, then they land on the center island in perfect rows like jets on a battleship.

Poemjets: We’re here to attack your confidence with this cringey reminisence.

A stolen medalion flies through the air and crashes into the stained glass sconce of an antique wall lamp which is mounted in the living room: Sconce is shattered when it hits it. Shard after shard of red and blue crystal-cracked glass falls into a steel cauldron on a wheeled cart on a line of railroad tracks sitting on the carpet: The cart drives and the cauldron is taken to a forge by the fireplace where the glass is melted down and poured into a mold that shapes it into a skull: This forms the skull of a clueless fool, this is the first and most important skull.

Blue+Red Glass Shards

Blae+rued Gless Sharides

Blaew+Rueld Gleessh Shparides

jBlaw+Ruelld Gleetssh Sparidens

jblaw+rulled Gleethss Spaidens

Jblaw+krulled tGleeths Spidens

Jlaw skulled tleeth Spienes

Jaw skulled Tleeth Spines

Jaw Skull Teeth Spine

Jaw, Skull, Teeth, Spine

Regiondirect→Stage middle; from mouth of humanactor one

(activate buffoon here)

Foollessclue:

I am going to get this job. Before they mock me and I evaporate. I am going to get my job. j’andob→And keep my job once I have it; I will have a job: this job I am applying for, I will not be mocked or evaporate→ I am applying for a lifetime career→My choices are God’s design→I am not a deadbeat+/or wastrel ‘l ‘el ‘l ‘rel ‘l

Regionpoint: High up at stage middle:

Four cabinets above a stove open and reveal a long television screen behind them, the screen plays a panorama video of the inside of a grocery store on a time lapse, rapidly showing shoppers moving around and down aisles through a full day. So the commerce source of groceries plays inside the storage destination of groceries.

Regiondirect→Stage left+downstage

Foolllessclue walks like a desk, heavily skulking: A Huge wooden desk in the office room walks like a heavily skulking crab from its place in the office into the doorway of the kitchen. The desk Stomps and sprouts two claws made of stationary: Protractor joints, fountain pen fingers plus inky venom in nibs and two eyeballs on stalks that are webcams.

Deskrab: I make my next shell out of your hard work and notes. If you ever do any hard work again.

Foollessclue stands in the doorway and contemplates going back to bed. Then an idea comes to him:

Foollessclue: Eureka! Wow! Golly! Lord Almighty! The truth has arrived!

A wrecking ball made out of a soccer ball weighing six tonnes falls from the ceiling and crushes the center island: obliterated the bad poems, marble landing strip, and cabinets, instantly.

Chunks of marble fall into a plexiglass gutter and the camereye view changes

Regiondirect→ Camera is now low and pointed upwards: the reader can see through the stage floor to where a plexiglass gutter runs from stage right to left, with cold green water thrashing through it toward a previously hidden now→revealed underground room where a cashregister with bulldozer tracks and an abacus with centipede feet are seen watching the deluge of marble chunks and water fall from a sewer pipe above them into a trough before them.

Hot water spinning in a blender elsewhere.

Rock and Water dropping top right to bottom left.

Cash register bell ding sounds when the drawer pops→slides.

The cash register reaches out with a thin alu-wire appendage, picks pieces of marble out of the wet junk, and carefully organizes them into its drawer compartments. The abacus keeps record while a gooseneck lamp uses square chalk to write mathematical figures on the wall.

Two haggard bowls spin slowly like tops on the plot of the destroyed center island: Now one is filled with pinecones+dry ice and the other full of burning coals+dominos.

A bookshelf gets into a fistfight with the front door. The front door comes unhinged and walks backwards into the stage right of the set while the bookshell follows it and throws punches with arms made out of desk lamps. Sound: of bulbs shattering on punch-contact. The door topples against the fridge: KO. The Shelf keeps punching with lampfists until the door is busted full of holes, then the door breaks almost in half and crumples on the floor up against the fridge.

Regiondirect→ Camera cuts back up to oblique angle of Foollessclue frantically scribbling ideas in a big leather planner

Foollllessclue: I will invent a way to cure all diseases: I will socialize with the society. I will take pictures of every single thing that has ever existed. I will get a job making Christmas cards.

Foolllllessclue gets on his moped and rushes down to the job office. Each of his pockets is jammed with crumpled social security cards, resumes, a half eaten highschool diploma, and a computer eyeball.

A framed photo falls from the kitchen wall and lands face-down: Nothing breaks. The framephoto begins to crawl around on the floor like a bug and bites at the ankles of a chair which kicks and stomps back. Both of them go in circles around the left side of the kitchen.

The leftover marblewater swirling in the trough that couldn’t be fit in the cash register’s abdomen was scooped up by a bucket held by the abacus and laid out on a table. The gooseneck lamp sprouts a tungsten arm and starts using epoxy and bolts to connect the pieces of marble together, end to end, particle by bit, until the dusty chunks are two long bars. The cash register now takes out a chisel and rapidly sculpts the repaired marble bars into two legs, this makes the first pair of legs.

Marble Chunks Bolts

Mairble Chaunkes Beoelts

Mahirble Caunkes feBoelts

Mahigrbles Cankes febelt

mathigrbles Cankves febet

maThigbles Caves feet

aThighles Calves feet

Thighles Calves Feet

Thighs Calves Feet

Foollllllessclue uses his two marble legs to walk into the job store. But his foot gets caught on the doorway and he trips→and his pockets spill their garbage contents everywhere. ←↑→

A suitcase with eight thick-tired wheels (The front two bigger than the rear six) drives like a semi onto the middle kitchen tile at stage middle: and parks. And honks a horn.

Now there’s a sound of two numberlock clasp unclinching, the hinged clasps pop up: then it’s door-like top half opens on the hinge, it drives back/steers to readjust a bit: top half all open: A water fountain sprays out, cubes of ice and a layer of sleet float in the cold, cold water inside this case. A rope net with many small buckets hung on loops at the knots of its threads, is lowered by a golfclub seesaw, gently, into the case, from where it snatches a small portion of water.

(Certain parts of the rear set walls are actually transparent television screens with translucent texture applied to them to give the illusion of tile and drywall. To give readers in the audience the ability to see scenes in the backyard, the screens are turned off, and are looked through.)

Regionmention: Dry ice smoke still looms around in levels, the whole set has developed it’s own climatology with clouds in layers of various hot smogs. The stormcloud aboutside the windows is now flinging billiard balls onto the roof, and into the windchimes and birdfeeders. The windchimes panic and take flight in an instant, the chime goes off stroking through the sky like a squid, hanger upwards, decorations and metal pipes flexing like thick kite streamers beneath. One of the square metal birdfeeders falls from its hanger and starts spinning aggressively on the grass like a top, then starts cutting the soil like a tornado, then shoots off like a flying saucer, and crashes through the window: slowed by the exploding glass: drops into the sink with a bang-loud clang.

Birdfeeder: I was made to feed dinosaurs, but now I’m run aground.

The hail is destructive: Little bombastic billiard balls coated with razor blades and ice start to punch like bullets through the ceiling of the set, fall down on the floor, and shatter out as colored dust and airborne metal while the kitchen tiles start sliding left like a conveyorbelt.

Regiondirect: → (Pathetic here)

Foolllllllessclue: I need a new pair of arms. See? These two limbs are a fool’s impliments.

The kitchen tiles start to undulate aggressively like a solid white ocean.

Kitchentiles: Out! GET OUT! No more of this nonsense. I am meant to be walked on, I am not a landfill.

The Air Fryer’s door falls open and the ExerMach Forklift grasps and moves the tray of melted, smoking, burning leather-walletpile up into ↑ the air. A sentient cloud of smog floats down like a jellyfish and mingles with the rising fumes of fired leather. The sinkfaucet tries to spray the wallet tray with water to put the flames out but only succeeds at waterboarding the birdfeeder in the sink.

A huge pair of hands both wearing motorcycle gloves descends from the ceiling; fingers pointed at the back of the stage, one hand at stage right+one at left, they descend on the rack of burnt leather. A cabinet door above bangs excitedly. The blender swirls hot water. The ExerciseForklift bows and condescends→moves to stage left→into the shadow a bit. Readers see the gloved hands scoop up the leather and stretch it: Outward streetching burnt, charred moneywallet, streeetching out a whole rectangular platterworth. Down below, hot coals and smokey dry ice are getting flung everywhere when the two bowls get mad and attack each other. Up above the GlovedHands form the hot wallet material into two arms→starting at the elbows and strexpanding outward toward the hand and shoulders. A flying pair of tongs with helicopter rotors hovers over and helps be blacksmith→it pulls and sculpts out the leather to form two palms and ten fingers. A third hand holding a bottle of wood glue descends between and squirts it in the folds of the leather and a serpent made out of thick twine with a blowdryer for a head is charmed by a tornado siren to rise out of a low cabinet. The blowdryer snake sprays heat onto the glue to dry it: This is the first pair of arms.

Wallet Leather Ash

Wallcet Leathear Ansh

Wallicet fLeatohearm Andsh

bwallicep florhearm hAndsh

ballicep forhearm handsh

bllicep forearm hands

Blicep forearm Hand

Bicep Forearm Hand

Foollllllllessclue: I will use my arms to get a job making Christmas cards. I will mail my Christmas cards to every person on Earth. Everyone will love me. I’m going to make a lot of money. Money will be given to me out of love. People will pitty me. I will make money from love.

Stage right side of the kitchen implodes in a shower of blasted apart ceramic plates, tossed around silverware, twigs + leaves off tree branches, atomized drywall; flung up tiles. The whole upper floor comes down

Regiondirect→

A set of bedroom furniture is dropped into the destruction. a king size bed plummets with sheets+blanket flapping.

The Cash Register, Abacus, and Lamp respond with alarm to the sound of destruction above. A dark storm cloud, floating not more than 15 feet above the ground, coasts through the exposed hole in the house and then starts to rapidly pour floodsurge levels of water into the kitchen scene. Eventually the water reaches the translucent gutter and starts to pour from high right to low left into the secret room belonging to the Abacus, Lamp, and Register.

Abacus: We’re going to drown. I guess I can count the water by volume.

Lamp: This downpour is erasing my chalk. I can’t work in a flood.

Register: I will rust and jam shut. The marble will be lost within me.

A huge billboard with the words “Too Bad So Sad" and "I Don’t Feel Bad” written in bright blue on a yellow background crashes through the stage wall from right to left like a battering→ram: tosses bedsheets, wood and tree chunks around while swinging across the set.

Regiondirect→From stage right (With happiness)

Foollessclue runs into the kitchen waving around a stack of Christmas cards while loudly exclaiming “I have the solution! I have the answer! I will find success and happiness!” Right as the ceiling collapses and buries him under the entire set. The water continues to rise until the whole room is a flooded half-floating landfill. Burnt things and wall studs floating on rain. The lights extinguish. Try again.

[clatterbane]

Oh yes, speaking of dishwasher safe items? Not that this will be doing us much good at the moment. 😑

Time for more fun with appliances! Less than two months after moving in.

I don't think the door handle/likely latch on this dishwasher was quite right when we got here. But yeah, of course it finally decided to break to the point that I was wary of using the thing.

It wasn't completely "coming off in my hand" borked yet, but that time was obviously too close for comfort--and I really didn't want the door to get stuck shut with a load of dishes inside.

Fine, that should be a simple and cheap enough repair job! Never done it before, but it does look very straightforward on other models at any rate. I'll just find the necessary parts, hopefully with quick shipping.

But, NOPE! Turns out that the thing is apparently just old enough that the parts are discontinued, and I couldn't find anywhere stocking what we needed. 🙃

So, we ended up needing to look for another dishwasher this past week, and found this Logik model on sale then, with delivery/installation available on the same Friday. Really hadn't been planning on replacing any appliances while we're in the middle of a little financial crunch anyway, but ain't that typical. 🙄 So, Mr. C went ahead and pulled the trigger on that.

So yeah, of course the surprises didn't end there! The delivery and installation guys did show up with the new machine as scheduled. So far, so good.

Then, they went to work the old dishwasher out from under the counter. And hit a little snag almost immediately. They couldn't readily get it out, because the floor was blocking it in under there. This wood flooring was apparently laid after the dishwasher was already in--and whoever did that little job decided to just cut around it! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh yeah, they also managed to visibly bend the door trying to wriggle the fucker out from under there anyway--so, now it won't seal properly. Guess we can't just pop the latch with a screwdriver, to use it in the meantime!

OK, so we'll have to figure something out there, which hopefully would NOT involve ripping up the kitchen floor. 😩

But, there's more!

Turns out that the electrical code has changed in the estimated 15-20 years since that dishwasher was installed--and where it's plugged in somewhere back under the counter is no longer acceptable! So, we're going to need to get a certified electrician to put in another outlet where it is easily accessible enough to meet the current code.

At least the installation guys were evidently very helpful with explaining exactly what the issues are there, and actually hauled the new machine to the storage unit downstairs for him before they left.

(Unlike the last dude who it turned out wasn't actually qualified to remove/install a gas stove in Plague Island House--so, he just dumped the new one off in our TV room, half-blocking the kitchen doorway like a complete asshole, and booked it out of there. 🙄)

So yeah, it's anyone's guess as to when we might have a functioning dishwasher in this place again.

When washing dishes is extra awkward for my wheelie ass, and he frankly doesn't always get them totally clean--for the same apparently disability-related reasons that he honestly can't see clutter, or what all needs to be swept up. (Whether or not he has ever thought of it that way. Or even as much of a problem to begin with. 😒) So, I end up either trying to beat him to the job, or rewashing some of the dishes.

[witchywhatnow]

I’ve come to associate the Lunar Cycle with my mother’s potato soup.

The New Moon is an empty pot. It has no broth, no cream, spices, or potatoes. It also contains no love. Yet.

What it does have, is a lot of room for those things to be added and combined together to create something magical.

I start by washing, peeling, and cubing the potatoes, taking care to remove any spots that don’t need to find their way into my magical soup but leaving everything else, even if I’m not yet sure what that particular piece of potato will bring with it. I sauté a handful of diced yellow onion in butter, place the potato cubes into the pot and cover them with vegetable broth. Here I find myself finished with the first part of the task, as well as the First Quarter Moon.

I turn on the burner and bring the broth to a boil, adding salt, pepper, and garlic powder to the mix. During the boiling process I can set the table for my loved ones - which can mean anything from paper bowls to my nicest dishes depending on the crowd. Once the soup has come to a boil I stir it, reduce heat to simmer, then cover it and move to make the rest of dinner happen. I make sure I have crackers out and accessible. Stir again, then make sure drinks are ready. When I return to the stove once more to stir the potatoes are fork-tender and it’s time to add the cream.

I look into a steaming, heart-warming pot of potato soup that very closely mirrors the Full Moon in its appearance and in its status in time: Full of love and ready to bring peace and contentment.

Now I ladle. I start by serving those eating at my table right then, each of us eating our fill (and perhaps more) and letting the rich cream broth warm us physically, spiritually, and emotionally. We talk with each other about what’s right and what’s wrong in life.

After we’ve all left the table with tight stomachs and relaxed emotions, I continue to pack the leftovers into to-go bowls for my partner and I to take as work lunches later in the week. As I ladle the last bit of soup into a bowl I find myself at the Third Quarter Moon.

As I approach the New Moon, it is time to wash dishes and clean the kitchen. Rinse the bowls and spoons and line them all up in the dishwasher, then use my sponge to lather any hand-washing that needs to be done. Wipe the counters and stovetop, sweep, and straighten chairs. Once my kitchen and dining area are both delightfully clean, I find myself looking down into an empty pot once again as I appreciate its role in my life before putting it away in the cabinet. Unlike the Moon, dishes do have to be put in hiding regularly.

But now I am at the New Moon. Once again I have so much room for many magical ingredients to create the pot of soup that I am so looking forward to; room to cultivate my cooking skills and ease my mind at once.

Let this writing be the second ladle of potato soup so I can share it with you - the first went into my own bowl, as we know we must serve ourselves first in order to best serve others.

I hope you like the taste. Blessed be :)

[prorevenge]

New Manager makes working stressful, enjoy working alone with no staff.

This story happened over 20 years ago during the late 90s. I was 17 and had just recently gotten a job as a dishwasher at a local summer camp. This was a large camp that was run by a corporation. I won’t say the name of the corporation, but there is a very famous song named after them. I had been to this summer camp before as a kid so I knew the layout of the camp. My job started up on the first week of summer (mid June) so the kids were already there. I had my interview with the acting Kitchen Manager (who we will call Susan), the original manager had just recently left the company and put Susan in charge. This didn’t seem to bother Susan as she was eyeing for the kitchen manager job that had recently open. Susan was a sweet heart; she was nice and helped me out with everything. I also interviewed with Bob, the camp director as Susan did not have any hiring or firing power (as she was just an acting manager).

The majority of the kitchen staff were also nice and helpful. I made friends with them during the time I worked there. While there was way more than these people (I remember there being around 10 to 15 kitchen staff members during the summer), I am only going to bring up ones that are important to this story. There was Todd, an older guy who lived only a few blocks from the camp and didn’t have a car so he rode his bike in the morning, who was also a dishwasher, he was my supervisor but also really nice. Dale, the head cook, had been there for a long time and used to be a cook for the local middle school, Debbie, another cook, Ellie, a kitchen server (later girlfriend), and Boris, a Russian dishwasher who had a sponsorship with the camp as part of their “world view” program. There were 3 other dishwashers (Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest) who I will call “the dummies” but they are not part of revenge, just that there were 3 dishwashers that were the worst. Nobody got along with them and they couldn’t get fired because Susan was acting manager.

Now, due to the fact that we were located in at a camp, the staff had full access to the facilities of the camp. This means that during my breaks or off work, if the camp was open, I was allowed to go to the swimming pool, go horseback riding or even boating. As long as I didn’t get in the way of the kids, who had a set schedule, it was full access. Susan told me this along with the director of the camp, Bob, during my interview. Bob was also a nice man but also kind of weird. This is important later on.

During the summer, this place was wonderful. I would typically start working the lunch shift then have an hour lunch break between lunch and dinner. While I was required by state law for a half hour lunch, Susan gave me an hour which she did for everyone. Typically during this hour I would go swimming or play with the horses. One time Bob and I went jet boating around the lake or Ellie and I would make out in the pool. Just typical stuff a teenage boy would do. Most everyone in the kitchen staff loved me, as I was a model employee and helped with just about everything. They loved that they had someone who they could get help with as the dummies would always mess up.

In August, we got the news. The corporation had picked a new kitchen manager and it was someone from outside of the company. Susan was really upset, she had worked so hard for years for this job and the higher ups picked someone outside of the company. The new manager was named Karen.

The first time we met Karen; she gave a speech how “new changes are coming” and “we will now work as a team” and was condensing towards Susan’s work. The first thing she did was do a massive clean up to the large walk in fridges. The strange thing was, she didn’t have the staff do it, but it was (later on we found out) her family cleaning it out. She also hired her husband, Dan, to be the assistant manager, pretty much forcing Susan out. During this time the camp was starting to transition from a summer camp to an event camp. So the large staff would be cut in half. This wasn’t a problem normally as people would be leaving for school or other seasonal jobs start opening up. The first people she cut were “the dummies”. Everyone was happy on that (and that was the only good thing she did) but in the end all that was left was Ellie, Dale, Todd, Debbie, Boris, a few others and me. I asked Karen if I could work the weekend (as I had high school) and she agreed since everyone else had wanted to keep me on staff.

Karen then begins her terror, it only took a week but it happened. Her fangs started to show and the power got to her, each person felt the wrath of her. She was one of those people who thinks their farts doesn't smell. She would come in late, leave early but yell at everyone for doing the same thing. Everyone had problems with her but here are a few that I remember.

Todd was starting to get written warnings about coming in late. Karen placed him on the morning shift but he told her that he couldn’t do the morning shift or he would be late as he doesn’t have a car and bikes into work. As the camp is located in a rural area, it doesn’t have street lights and biking in the morning is dangerous. This isn’t a problem during the summer as the sun is up earlier but during the fall and winter time is not acceptable. She called him lazy for not having a car and it didn’t matter, she needed him in here.

Dale, the head cook, was starting to get fed up with Karen ordering too little of the food and the wrong food. Having cheaper products and being forced to work with a broken stove. One time he asked her when the stove would be fixed and her response was “fix it yourself, you are a big boy.” So often times we would run out of food for the night and had to make sandwiches for the people.

Ellie got the worst of it. Since we were dating, I found out that she had an eating disorder a few years earlier (she was 2 years older than me) and use to be anorexia. Karen kept calling her “piggy” and “fat” and how she shouldn’t eat all the food in the kitchen. She was upset and crying the whole time when this happened. I confronted Karen about it and she said “she shouldn’t be sheltered college brat and grow up” and “if she has a problem she should talk to me, not you.”

I also felt the wrath of her too. She would change my schedule around randomly after posting it. On Friday we would get our schedules for the week. I typically worked Friday night, Saturday and Sunday because of High School. During the week, she would change my schedule, so I was working on Friday night, she changed it to Wednesday night and then would call saying I missed Wednesday night. Unlucky for her, Dale had my number and called me whenever he found a schedule change but it was getting old quickly. She would also tell me to do a job then change what to do. For example, one time she told me to clean the oven and when I was near finishing up on the job she asks why I didn’t clean the stove and get mad when I said she told me to do the oven. Another example was that she would tell me to mop the floor and Boris would come over and help me out because he had nothing to do and then get on me for Boris finishing my job, even though Boris spoke up and said that he asked her if he could help me and she said yes. Another example was that she cut my break from an hour to half hour and not allowing me to use the facilities during my break since I “was only on break to eat, not play.”

After a few weeks of this (late September), I went to Bob about her and told him everything about what she was doing to us. I found out from Bob that Dale also went to him earlier that week with the same thing. However, having the spine of a jellyfish he said “I’ll talk with Karen;” then a day later Karen starts getting on us for going to Bob and not her saying “If you have a problem with me, you come to me, not Bob.” This was the last straw for us, so I talked with the rest of the kitchen staff and we decided that she needed to leave.

During one of my breaks that she wasn’t in the office that day when we were still trying to think of a way to get rid of her, I was eating my dinner in her office (the manager’s office was the only one with AC in it and it was a hot day). We all had permission to be in her office as it had the keys to the large fridge, tools, the private rest room and what not. I’m eating dinner with Ellie when Boris comes looking for a pen. He was trying to fill out information so he could go home to Russia (I don’t remember what, just that he was planning on leaving in 3 weeks) and sits down at her desk. He is opening up the desk to find a black pen when he finds a check. It was a paycheck to one of the dummies, who left a month earlier. It was his final paycheck, highly illegal to withhold a paycheck. Boris showed us the paycheck and then he started to look at the computer that was on her desk. While Karen was a jerk, she was also stupid and left everything unlocked. There he saw the orders. She was ordering things that we never got into the kitchen or ordering extra stuff. It turns out that she was ordering more food than we thought, stealing the food and using it for her own personal use. I told Boris that he was looking though her personal property and he said “What are going to do? Deport me?” We also found out that Bob was getting a kickback from the extra food that Karen was getting in to keep quiet. So it explained why Bob had the spine of a jellyfish towards Karen. Boris printed out the information and held onto it. This is important later on.

The three of us told Dale about it and he wanted to confront Karen, but Debbie pointed out that she would just deny it and Bob would cover up. We thought about corporate but we had no connections to corporate and Susan had left the company, who use to have the connections. It then hit on us, in about 3 weeks (mid October) corporate was going to be having a retreat using the camp. All the big wigs and high ups were going to be there and we were all scheduled to be at work that day because there was going to be a huge feast for dinner while lunch corporate was going to have grilled burgers and hot dogs. I remember that corporate brought in an outside vendor for the grilled stuff since they were preparing a big feast. Karen was also going to be there to impress the big wigs. We decided to act on that day but also knew what to do before hand. It was also going to be Boris’ last day as he was leaving to Russia that night.

So on the day of the feast, all of us show up on time at around noon. The dinner feast wasn’t going to be until 5pm so we had plenty of time to prepare or at least, that what Karen thought. We got there and just sat down around the kitchen and did no work. We locked the freezer with a different lock (it was only locked with a normal deadbolt lock you can get at the hardware store). The janitor wasn’t going to be in until later in the evening (thanks to Dale telling him about the plan and not to answer the phone) so he couldn’t use his tools to break into the fridge. So we waited. Karen didn’t get in until 4pm with her husband; she looked as if she was ready for a major interview when she saw all of us just standing around. The stove wasn’t on and cold, the fridge was locked and we were just sitting around. Karen started to yell and talk about how today is important for her and that she would have our heads for this. So Dale comes up to her and says “We quit.” Karen went full on deer in headlights and her mouth was so wide open that you could throw peanuts into it. All of us walked out on her, into our cars and drove away before she could get a word in. We decided to just quit. We went and got jobs or some security lined up but knew that a major shakeup like this would grab the attention of the big wigs.

I found out a month later when I got a call from Susan, the original acting manager before Karen, asking me if I wanted my old job back. It turns out that Karen called Bob and said her whole kitchen staff just left and they needed to tell the big wigs that the feast was going to be cancelled. She couldn’t get into the fridge with all the food since her key didn’t work and nobody was picking up to help her. She tired to call others that left or were fired but since she was so toxic that nobody wanted to work with her. The big wigs were not happy, they went right to the kitchen to find out what was wrong and saw that nobody but Bob, Karen and Dan were there without any food cooking. Boris walks in and Karen starts yelling at him, saying how could he do this to her? Boris then hands the big wigs the printed information he got from Karen’s computer earlier and had made copies of it, gave it to everyone in the room (Boris told me, though email, that he wasn’t sure who was in charge so he gave everyone in the room the information since he figured one of them had to be a head guy) then got into a taxi and went back to Russia. Corporate started an investigation as soon as that happened. Bob, Karen and Dan were fired almost right on the spot and not only did they find out about the withholding checks and backdoor deals with Bob but also Bob was stealing money from the camp to support a drug habit. Karen and Bob were arrested for fraud and most likely other things (it has been over 20 years, I don’t remember everything but that one stuck out at me). Pretty much the whole camp had a shake up, Susan took over as the manager (got the job she wanted with a pay raise. She did leave after they gave the job to Karen but her new job wasn’t working out) and about half of the staff came back. I did come back as my parents were helping me out while this was happening (I told them everything in advance) but only for a month as by that point it was winter and it was costing me more in gas than work. Dale came back to the job along with Debbie but Ellie and I broke up (it was a “summer love” anyway) as she moved away for college, Todd never came back and works at a local liquor store (at least last I saw him. I haven’t been in that store in about 7 years).

So what happened now in my acting job that caused me to remember this? Well, I got a call from Dan about a month ago recently wanting to do some work for him. However, he lived in another state that we aren’t licensed to do work in and that was pretty much the end of the conversation. I decided to Google search her name but didn’t find much information except some court records about the original case from years ago. Dan and Karen do not appear to have any social media page or anything that I can find. I honestly don’t care anymore as it has been over 20 years since this happened and I’m much happier at my current job.

TLDR; Summer Kitchen job at summer camp gets new manager and start causing problems, whole staff quits during an event and gives higher ups information about fraud with manager and director.

(source) story by (/u/Konacha)