#but I had so much fun drawing this! Except for the chains… those were painful

[cosmichalibut]

Some fanart for my fav VikJayce fanfic “The Pulse of the Machine” by @bringthekaos. That fic is so gooood.

[fayesdiary]

hmm hmmmmmm.......Rhea, Veyle, and Faye for the character ask game!

Rhea

1) how much I like their personality

WTEGDGFSFDYDGFFG

I adore her. She's my fav 3H character by far. Just this mix of sweet and awkward and kind but with a boatload of trauma and repressed rage... She's the bestest <3

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

Her archbishop outfit is great (although what is up with those hips. She barely has enough space to fit her organs), and general design is super pretty!

Also her Seiros outfit is 😳

3) how interesting I think they are

GOD. I feel like I could talk about her for hours if you caught me in the right mood. I want to inspect her with a microscope.

4) how well-written I think they are

As a character? Wonderfully, but her treatment in the story leaves a LOT to be desiered, often shoved to the background and generally getting treated like crap by the narrative for an alleged main character.

Also fuck everything about the SS endgame.

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

her CF fight is pain and her SS one is pure agony

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

For the most part, yes! It's clear all her actions were done with good intent (albeit a bunch of them were questionable but still, never cruel), and I think it's important to note that her vicious side only comes in regards to the man who literally committed genocide towards her kin or when she's being violently having her trauma of said man triggered.

Hell, her burning of Firdhiad is pretty much her lowest point and even then it only comes after she's being violently triggered and blamed for everything over and over. She's pretty much gone insane by that point and for damn good reason. Also you know, it's all your fault.

Veyle

1) how much I like their personality

BABY. She's the cutest but also constantly wracked with guilt and shame about being a Fell Dragon.

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

I love her Somniel outfit and her evil outfit absolutely slays, but while I really like her main outfit since it's fluffy I hate her collar and ankle chains.

3) how interesting I think they are

A whole lot! Her relationship with Alear is the best, in typical younger FE sister fashion she's a lot stronger than she seems (they literally had to brainwash her into compliancy and even then it didn't work all that well), her guilt over her evil self's action (on top of just being a Fell Dragon period). Also she has a knack for making (magical?) trinkets and she lived on her own wandering around Elyos for quite a while, so :D

4) how well-written I think they are

The brainwashing/evil personality part is a bit iffy as always in FE plots, but other than that? She's great!

Something that keeps suprising me about FE writing is that while they're not... the best at writing female characters somehow they keep hitting the spot with writing younger sisters.

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

She's a lot of fun! Her personal tome and dagger are great and her personal skills are quite useful :D

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

Definitely! She's an absolute sweetheart, but at the same time I love the hc that her evil self is actually a part of her albeit exaggerated and twisted by Zephia and not just a personality that came out of nowhere. Doesn't help I'm playing Persona 4 right now.

Faye

..fun fact, do you know she actually got on Top 200 of CYL8? I'm genuinely shocked.

1) how much I like their personality

I really like it, mainly in the sense her obsession is portrayed negatively for once. I've seen a bunch of fans trying to "fix" her by toning down and/or removing her obsession with Alm, but I always loved more the angle of keeping it while pointing out how toxic and self-destructive it is and having her slowly grow out of it.

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

Peak. Perfection. Immaculate. Well except maybe the lack of freckles, but that's why I draw her with them ;)

3) how interesting I think they are

It may be mainly due to projecting and overanalizing, but god. Soo much. Her trauma and horrible coping mechanisms, her huge trouble making friends and socializing with strangers, her fondness for Celica, her clinginess and yearning for both a place to belong and to return to the good old days at Ram...

Also she's a bisaster. It's totally canon trust me

4) how well-written I think they are

Hahaha... oh, terribly.

I'm not gonna pretend the writers ever saw her as anything more "the girl with an unhealthy unrequited obsession towards the protagonist we're apparently contractually obligated to put in almost every game". Like, I'm pretty sure all of her small nuances you can find if you start digging were an accident, and considering how she gets flanderized outside of Echoes, I'm almost certain that's the case.

(speaking of, the sole fact they managed to flanderize her holy shit)

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

GOD I LOVE THEM. All of the effort they didn't put into writing her they put into her gameplay mechanics because they portray her SO WELL.

The fact she loses avoid when supporting Alm, her higher then average growths hinting at the fact she's trying desperately hard, her unique spells as a Cleric being either a way to ignore distance (Physic to heal from afar, Rescue to get someone literally close to her) and Anew, the only form of a Dancer you get in Echoes, costing so much HP portraying her self-destructive behavior in an attempt to be useful.

Just... screams

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

Yeah... I'd be lying if I said yes.

She's a lot better than people claim she is, but still, between the obsession towards Alm and general (albeit potentially accidental) rudeness towards strangers and... less-than-stable state of mind, she's far from the greatest person to be around.

Still, she can be pretty sweet when she wants to, she apologized to Silque and actually accepted Alm's rejection which oh my god why do people keep claiming she's a yandere when she's actually capable of hearing no as an answer, and also she's unflinchingly loyal to her loved ones!

[antaxzantax]

Umbrella Pharmaceuticals - Chapter 38

I

Five eleven-year-old boys grabbed Alfred when he went into the garden to play with insects. They dragged him to a secluded corner where they beat him on his legs, arms, torso and head. The target fell to the ground, gasping for breath from the blows. The five children prepared to deliver the coup de gr��ce, but a scream interrupted them. Mrs. Collins, the housemaster's wife.

The five children fled in terror. Mrs. Collins rushed to the aid of the badly wounded victim. Lying on the floor like a trampled rag, Alfred Ashford coughed up blood. His hair dishevelled, his face covered in bruises, his left eye closed, his mouth bloody, his jacket torn and his shirt unbuttoned. One of his last milk teeth was missing and his trousers were stained with blood from open wounds in his knees.

“Cof, cof.” Alfred writhed in pain.

“Help! Help!” Mrs. Collins screamed for aid.

II

The old nun, who was acting as nurse, removed the bandage from his forehead and wiped the wound. She applied a new bandage. The unconscious patient was not moving. At her side, Dr Ward switched off the torch the nun needed to see the wounds. The nurse picked up the bloody pieces and left the room. Dr Holmes, the school doctor, estimated that it would be a few weeks before the boy could return to school, even though there were no broken bones or torn muscles. The beating had been brutal. When the nun's work was done, Ward telephoned Ashford Hall.

After introducing himself to the butler, the widow Elizabeth Ashford-Nassau answered his call. Ward calmly informed her of what had happened and of her grandson's condition. After a long silence, Lady Ashford asked him to think about what had caused the incident. From memory, Ward reconstructed the chain of events that had led to the fatal outcome.

Alfred was not a popular pupil among his peers. Intellectually gifted, his exceptionality meant that he excelled in all his chosen subjects and extra-curricular activities, with the exception of sport, where he did not usually put in much effort. Consideration had been given to moving him up a year so that he would start secondary school at the age of eleven. This last fact was leaked to the student body by an unknown informant. The news of his second promotion aroused the frustration of some seniors. One watch told him that a senior had begun to hate Alfred because he saw him as an arrogant know-it-all who pretended to be clever in order to curry favour with the teachers and thus effortlessly enjoy the privileges accorded to seniors by virtue of their age and record. This prejudice spread like an axiom among the other seniors. Rumours reached the headmaster's ears that Alfred had allowed himself to be touched by the music teacher, or that Alfred had cheated in his exams, or that Alfred had received preferential treatment from the teachers. The rumours circulated unchecked and Alfred did nothing to put out the fire. On the contrary, his reticence and infrequent socialising fuelled them.

Alfred did not speak to anyone unless he had to, while with Ward he showed his extrovert character and ability as a good conversationalist. His treatment of boys, especially those from the lower classes, ranged from petty indifference to false sympathy. He trusted no one but Ward and Cornwall. But it was his experience as a fag that was the worst. Alfred hated being a fag and he hated taking orders. And Alfred was a child who looked for any opportunity to vent his anger in a tangible way to draw attention to what he disliked. He injured a classmate playing football in the first week of school, threw a boy down the stairs when he made fun of him for being Scottish, spilled a kettle of boiling water on another because he wouldn't make tea for his watch, and finally told a policeman that a group of five older children had stolen a bag of knick-knacks. It was these five children, whipped as a result, who had gathered to beat up Alfred in the garden. Ward suspected that Alfred's unpopularity, coupled with his lousy company, had prompted the five seniors' brutal decision. Lady Ashford asked Ward for Alfred's opinion on the meaning of his actions. The headmaster suggested that her grandson was spiteful and vindictive. Finally, Lady Ashford was frank: Alfred must take responsibility for his actions in order to forge a character worthy of his future.

III

The five seniors were permanently expelled. When Alfred returned to school thirteen days later, he knew that his time as a fag had come to an end. As he left the dormitory, he ignored the call of his clock, but the clock said nothing. His superficial wounds looked like battle scars because he had been beaten from behind and between five. The other two dorm mates stared at him curiously at his act of disobedience, but neither pointed it out nor complained.

The mood in the corridors was similar. They gave him furtive glances and murmured as he passed. Alfred never stopped to find out what they were whispering about. He walked erect, straight ahead, without turning his head to show that he was not like them. He was no coward, no fool, no half-wit. He was different.

IV

Alexia forced a smile. The photographer fired. The president of Harvard University posed to her right. The photographer fired a second time. The flash blinded her as if it had burned her retinas.

“Nice. I think the framing is right. I'll get the developed photos to you next week.”

The president turned away from Alexia as Alexander approached. The headmaster and his father shook hands.

“A fabulous term.” The president congratulated them. “Dinner is tonight at eight o'clock.” He turned to Alexia. “Such an extraordinary achievement deserves to be celebrated in style. At least the first time,” he joked.

“We will be there,” Alexander confirmed.

“Right.”

The president patted Alexander on the shoulder to say goodbye. Accompanied by the photographer, the two left the foyer. Father and daughter were left alone in the large, baroque room. The rector had insisted on having a photograph taken with Alexia to mark the end of her first year at university and as the top student in her class. Although she was still two years away from wearing her cap and gown, everyone assumed that Alexia would graduate as valedictorian.

The professors were amazed at her devilish pace of learning, which sometimes exceeded the knowledge of the specialists. She didn't interact with the other pupils, but she was aware that she seemed to them an oddity. She could sense it in their condescending comments, their forced smiles and their disbelief. It was like living on the edge of two worlds: she was a child, but she was not. She was too young to be considered an adult, but at the same time she had the intellectual maturity of a woman in her forties. She imitated the behaviour of the adults around her in order to be taken seriously, but the same adults underestimated her emotional maturity because she played when she was bored or angry about trivial things. She belonged neither to the group of adults nor to the group of children, and the incidents that occurred as a result of the latter were mixed.

A woman called the police because she thought Alexia was skipping school. Alexander had to call the university president from a phone box to prove her wrong. Once a teacher stopped her from entering the classroom because he thought she was the daughter of a staff member or one of the students. Another time, Alexander, who always accompanied her to school, had to prove that Alexia was in fact his pupil. In the campus gardens, a group of students escorted her to the university gendarmerie because they thought she was lost, when Alexander had simply stepped away to throw away the plastic cup he had been drinking his coffee in. Less colourful was his father's behaviour during a meeting with his Microbiology professor. For some unknown reason, Alexander remained glued to Alexia, in a pose reminiscent of boxing in his home gym or with friends. The Microbiology professor kept his distance in a way that seemed exaggerated, but always with his eyes fixed on Alexia. The experience was uncomfortable and she never saw the professor again. Even after that meeting, Alexander never left Alexia's side, not even to go to the toilet. He would only let her into the professors' private toilets alone, with him waiting at the door, but never into the shared toilets.

It was overwhelming. She tried to distract herself by mentally solving mathematical operations or philosophising about the last thing she had read, but none of it helped in the long run. The only thing left to do was to hold on and wait for her father to protect her from whatever it was he was supposed to protect her from, which she didn't want to find out, lest it feed the sporadic intrusive thoughts that lurked in the depths of her physical vulnerability and emotional loneliness. Alexia tried to take refuge in Alexander, but her father did not seem to understand the extent of her distress. He seemed oblivious to his daughter's conflicted status as a monkey fair for students or a guinea pig for teachers, including an unpleasant psychiatrist who tried to persuade her to take part in a cognitive experiment with a group of strangers. Alexander flatly refused the latter, but the former was impossible to eradicate. On top of that, Alexia had discovered that she really didn't like being around people and didn't like attracting unnecessary attention, not least because she had learned that it only led to repetitive formalities and pointless chatter.

The stress, however, dissolved the anxiety. The stress of studying at such a level was compounded by her own threshold of self-demand and the social pressure to prove her worth. The greater the stress, the greater the hyper-fixation on the task, the greater the intolerance of error and the greater the irritability; and the greater the irritability, the greater the aggressiveness. She once found herself violently pushing her father out of her study when she was engrossed in an essay she had to finish by tomorrow. Alexander was not angry, but tried to talk to her about the reason for the push. Alexia refused to talk any further than necessary because she had to finish the essay. Alexander was not like Alfred; she did not feel comfortable talking to him because of the misunderstanding. So she had no choice but to relax and moderate her temper on her own. The monotony of everyday life and the accelerated passage of time when she was busy helped; but neither one nor the other removed the isolation, only postponed it, with long intervals of horrible accompaniment.

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

This is the Beat of My Heart

happy very early birthday to @jaskierswolf​! have some soulmates.

new soulmate mechanic: you can hear your beloved’s heartbeat whenever you feel frightened

art by the always-talented @mawbwehownets​

tw: mentions of the Trials, canon typical violence but it’s just the cave scene from Posada/Four Marks, minor emotional Geralt whump (self loathing witcher feelings), hurt/comfort with a very fluffy ending

---

Geralt’s fingers curl painfully into the tops of his legs. He’s trying to hold himself down against the rough-hewn seat of the tavern bench with all his mighty strength; there’s an irritating sound filling the small room that has activated his fight or flight response, and he can’t do either without drawing suspicion from the already antsy villagers. The haunting rhythm echoes through him, a soft but insistent thud thud thud that floods his senses and soothes his aching head. The sound is more familiar to the witcher than his own gruff voice. More familiar than his brothers’ voices, or Vesemir’s. This staccato beat has marked out every terrifying moment in the witcher’s long life.

The sound that pounds against Geralt’s ears is his soulmate’s heartbeat.

The poor, ignorant fool he’s meant to match in every way is wandering around this shit-hole tavern in Posada, totally unaware of the sad, unsavory fate that Destiny has bestowed upon them. Geralt never thought this day would come, really. Being bound to a witcher was bad enough but being in the same room with one, feeling the subtle pull of forces far beyond your control meddling with your life… drawing you towards danger and death...

It will be better for both of us if I leave as soon as possible, Geralt thinks to himself. He takes a quick inventory of his purse and swords and finds them all accounted for. At least I can spare them the tragic end they’d no doubt meet at a witcher’s side. They would likely hate me if I ever sought them out.

They must be terrified of him, whichever one of these people Destiny has saddled with the other half of Geralt’s soul. They’ve heard his heartbeat, too, in their moments of fear. As well as Geralt knows his soulmate’s giddy, fluttering pulse pattern, they have lived with his slow mutant heartbeat in return. Were they even more frightened when they heard how slow it was? Did the connection serve its purpose, calming them down and reassuring them of his presence, or had it made things worse, elevated their level of terror? How cruel it was for Destiny to chain this person to a living firebrand, to create them to be the perfect other half for someone who’s no more than a monster.

That heartbeat, vibrant and steadfast, is what had kept Geralt alive and fighting for survival during the worst of his Trials. When the poisons and tinctures and potions had crawled through his veins, turning them from black to red to black again and twisting his body into something other, that glorious beating had been there for him. The sound of his soulmate’s fragile mortal heart had measured out the seconds, giving him something to cling onto. That heartbeat had given Geralt something to love. To hope for in his worst moments. When they had dragged him back into those dark, musty rooms, seventeen and screaming with what little was left of his voice, all Geralt could do was pray for his future soulmate’s heartbeat to return to him. To comfort him.

In the relentless pain and terror of those added experiments, Geralt had kept that sound buried deep within his very being, like a candle in the center of a pitch-black room. Even when they said the Trials would take his emotions from him, that the additional testing would obliterate his humanity entirely, the sound of a stranger’s heartbeat never failed to stir the strongest feelings of love and safety he’d ever known.

Can ever know, perhaps.

Regardless of what might have been in another lifetime, Geralt keeps his fingers clenched and his muscles taut. He focuses all his energy on keeping himself sitting. He would have been content to stay there in the corner, his eyes trained on the grain of the worn wooden table before him, ignoring Destiny’s desires entirely… except…

Except for the damned bard. The novice bard swans his way over to the witcher’s corner table, lashes fluttering and face flushed. Geralt catches a faint whiff of arousal and writes it off as a boyish reaction to the rush of performing. The young brunette opens his mouth and the sweetest voice Geralt has ever heard playfully says: “I love the way you just… sit in the corner and brood.”

“I’m here to drink alone,” the witcher grunts. He can practically feel his fingernails biting through the leather of his gloves. The heartbeat is louder now, closer, and it’s driving Geralt mad.

“Good,” the bard nods, still leaning against a support beam. “Yeah, good. Nobody else hesitated to comment on the quality of my performance except-” he takes a slow step forward “-for you.”

The bard is probably barely old enough to order his own vodka, and the bright, sparkling blue of his eyes makes the deeper blue of his doublet look incredibly washed out. Geralt tries to keep his face impassive, rolling his eyes and remaining silent. He’s still thinking about his soulmate… trying to block out the rapid thrumming of their all-too-human heart.

“C’mon,” the brunette urges. “You don’t want to keep a man with… bread in his pants waiting. You must have some review for me; three words or less!”

Geralt hears his soulmate’s heartbeat growing louder, more irregular and more excited, regardless of his efforts to ignore the hurried drumming. The scent of happiness grows thick and hazy in the air as the bard continues to grin and Geralt realizes, with a tiny jolt of horror, that the origin of the life-altering sound is sitting directly across from him. Geralt matches the rabbit-quick jumps at the junctures of the bard’s wrists to the soft rhythm thumping at the back of his head and finds them to be a perfect match.

It’s you, the witcher thinks, eyes widening slightly against his will. He takes a moment to tamp down his more obvious emotions, trying desperately keeping his expression neutral and under control. The bard is the one whose heartbeat kept me breathing in my very worst moments. Kept me fighting. Kept me…

Geralt suddenly remembers that he needs to answer a question: “They don’t exist.”

“What don’t exist?” the bard asks, eyebrows furrowing. The expression is halfway between a pout and an offended grimace, which infuriatingly verges on being adorable. Geralt’s heart lurches traitorously in his chest. He has never known such horrible yearning in all his many decades on the Path.

“The creatures in your song.”

“Why would you know?” the bard scoffs. Geralt prepares to stand, finally releasing his death-grip on his own legs. His fingers and palms are cramped and tight from holding himself still for so long; the bard is really testing his patience. The witcher is less than two seconds away from revealing the big secret and ruining both of their lives when the young man continues, eyes shining, “Ooooh, fun! White hair, big old loner, two very very scary looking swords…”

Geralt stands from the table and collects his purse.

The bard glances up at him, blue eyes wondrously wide and cheeks flushed pink.

���I know who you are,” he practically breathes. He stands, following Geralt halfway out the door. “You’re the Witcher, Geralt of Rivia!”

Geralt’s fists clench again. The retraction of his muscles keeps him from grabbing the foolish human by the collar and dragging him from the room for a proper chat about manners and soulmates. Thankfully. As the disoriented witcher hurries from the tavern’s main room, he hears the bard shouting after him: “Called it!”

---

Geralt snaps back into consciousness with a grunt. As frustration and fear weave themselves into a web of anxiety at the center of his chest, that soft thud thud thudding fills his ears. It soothes him and helps him focus; he is in a cave, it is midday or a little past, and the bard, Jaskier apparently, has been bound against him, back-to-back. He tugs at the ropes that bind their wrists again but it does no good. Behind him, the bard says quietly: “This is the part where we escape.”

Geralt fears for his soulmate’s wellbeing more than his own. He’s technically responsible for this stupid, fragile person who refused to stay behind despite his warnings. He lowers his voice, “This is the part where they kill us.”

“Unfortunate,” the bard sighs. The witcher listens, confused and a bit shocked, as Jaskier slowly starts to even out his breathing by matching his inhales and exhales to Geralt’s slow, methodical heartbeat.

“How can you hear it?” he asks without thinking.

“Hear what?” Jaskier replies, whispering.

“Your breathing,” Geralt says, as if it’s obvious. “You’re matching it to my… to my heartbeat. You don’t have a witcher’s enhanced hearing so how are you matching the rhythm so perfectly?”

“I was matching it to-”

Their conversation ends abruptly as an angry elven woman storms into the cave. She kicks at them furiously, spitting in the Elder tongue, “Beast!”

“Quick, Geralt!” the bard urges, “Do your witchering!”

“Shut up!”

“No!”

The woman doles out more swift kicks to the chest. One for Geralt and one for Jaskier. More muttering in Elder, insults that even the bard manages to understand and toss around. Geralt grimaces as he’s beaten by Toruviel and hears the thudding even louder than before. The witcher smiles when he notices that he can feel Jaskier’s heartbeat against his back, pulsing through the thin material of the bard’s light woolen doublet. It’s so much more intense, close up like this.

“Leave off! He’s just a bard.”

He’s so much more than that, Geralt’s own thoughts remind him. He’s everything to you.

A wave of urgent protectiveness swells within him and Geralt diverts the attention of the Elf King away from the foolish human, whose mouth has run away with him. Eventually Filavandrel tires of their chatter and pulls his short blade. The Silvan rushes forward, arms outstretched to stop his sovereign, “Wait!”

“Torque! Stand aside!”

“The witcher could have killed me,” Torque rushes to explain. “But he didn’t. He’s different, like us!”

Geralt watches with mild trepidation as the battle-hardened King pushes his subject aside, fury blazing in his clear blue eyes. He understands that this may be his final day alive. He wishes that Jaskier would have listened before and stayed at the tavern below. He wishes, with what may be his final moments alive, that Jaskier were safe and not bound to him this way. Literally and figuratively.

“If you must kill me, I am ready,” Geralt intones. “But the Sylvan is right… don’t call me human.”

The witcher tilts his head back, eyes open but unseeing, his entire being focused on the feeling of Jaskier’s racing heartbeat thudding against the back of his leather armor. The killing blow never comes. Instead, Filavandrel cuts the ropes that bind their wrists; Geralt ignores his initial instinct to check Jaskier for injuries and instead ushers the bard onto his feet and towards the mouth of the cave. “Wait!”

The witcher freezes in his tracks and glances back over his shoulder. Filavandrel holds out a gorgeously crafted lute with a beautiful gold design painted across the front. “My apologies for the loss of your instrument.”

“Your Majesty,” Jaskier gasps. “I couldn’t. You’ve already lost so much.”

“Then promise me to do right by him,” the elf nods at Geralt. “And consider it payment.”

“I swear it,” Jaskier nods, tone serious and face grim. Filavandrel lets his eyes flicker between the two unlikely companions and Geralt prays that the Elf won’t say anything out loud, if he indeed understands the bond between them.

“Be on your way, then, before I change my mind.”

Filavandrel winks conspiratorially and disappears back into the shadow of the caves. Jaskier pulls the lute strap over his shoulder and beckons for Geralt to follow him. “Your horse is probably worried.”

---

It takes nearly six months for Geralt to break down and tell Jaskier the truth about their seemingly uncanny partnership. If it weren’t for the rapid approach of harsher winter weather, he probably never would have said anything at all.

But on one particularly frosty evening, two weeks after Samhain, the witcher sits Jaskier down beside their fire and tries to remember how to speak from his heart. The bard is patient, warming his hands over the flames and waiting for Geralt to gather his words. Jaskier has never rushed him, and for that Geralt is eternally grateful. Taking a hint from his companion’s hunched shoulders, Jaskier speaks first. “What’s on your mind, my dearest White Wolf?”

“I… I have to tell you something and I don’t want you to be angry.”

“Did you spill ink on my new doublet?” Jaskier teases. “Because if you have, I promise to be very cross with you.”

“Hmm,” Geralt half-smiles. He’s terrified, and he can hear Jaskier’s heartbeat surrounding him from all sides. “No, I’m afraid it’s more complicated than replacing a doublet.”

“Oh, is this about us being soulmates?”

Geralt’s eyes snap up to meet Jaskier’s and his mouth drops open. “Wha-? When did you- When di-”

“You said it in your sleep maybe two weeks after we first met,” Jaskier explains quietly, like he’s the one who’s been holding back a secret all this time. He blushes furiously as he tries to apologize and extrapolate all at once, “I thought you were just muttering to yourself, really, or I would have woken you up! I swear! You were just…”

Now it’s Geralt’s turn to wait as Jaskier fumbles to speak.

“You hadn’t been resting well and I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked so happy and content that night, with your hair all loose and the moon so bright…” he shakes his head and giggles nervously, “Anyway, not important. You rolled over and reached for me. You chuckled a little between snores and said A bard for a soulmate, how lovely. It sounded happy, when you said it like that.”

“Was that… the only time?”

“No,” Jaskier smiles. He pulls his knees against his chest and rests his chin atop them, “You reach for me all the time in your dreams. Sometimes you say my name or call me soulmate or beloved. It’s rather sweet and I-” tears brim in his eyes and Geralt’s heart skips a beat “-I know that witchers don’t feel things the same way humans do. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and then-”

“I love you,” Geralt says. He takes Jaskier by the hands before he can stop himself and pulls the pale knuckles against his lips for a soft kiss. “You… You have saved my life so many times.”

“Geralt!”

“I mean it,” the witcher nods. “I know that the Path is treacherous, and I wouldn’t ask you to join me on it and risk your life, but I do love you and care about you. Ever since I was young I have marked my steps by the beat of your heart. I would be happy continuing to do so, whether or not you accept me in return.”

“Oh, Geralt,” Jaskier sob-laughs, flinging himself into the witcher’s embrace. Geralt falls backward, shocked, his arms full of emotional bard. His face is peppered with kisses between hurried words: “I love you, too! I thought you didn’t want me that way. I thought it was just… a witcher mutation thing.”

“Come with me to Kaer Morhen for the winter, Julek. You can learn more about my kind; you can meet my brothers and the old swordmaster for the Wolf School, my adopted father of sorts. We’ll protect you and I-” Geralt clears his throat. “I will hold you every night in my arms, if you so desire.”

“I would like it very much if you were to hold me,” Jaskier grins. “And of course I'll come with you to your witchery keep for the cold months, dear heart. I’ll never part from your side again.”

Geralt presses a firm kiss to Jaskier's forehead, their heartbeats echoing faintly in the witcher's trained ears. Something in his chest settles into place, contented at last. He presses another, even gentler kiss to the bard's chapped lips and feels his heart swell when Jaskier smiles into it. He breathes out his promise as they pull apart, "Never."

[beewolfwrites]

An Iron Box - The Answer

@cheshiya @tenseoyong @szallejhscorner @something-more-original-please @ofsunsetsandpoetries @nek0dzuken @allozaur @hiqhkey @serenzippity

That rooftop scene is growing closer, and so is my excitement :D

I’ve noticed a few new readers, and I just wanted to add a heads up that you can find the Tumblr post links and the AO3 links to each of the three fics at the top of my Tumblr, if that helps at all! 

Here’s the AO3 link to this chapter too.  

I hope you like it! <3

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‘Chishiya, I’d hate to be your enemy.’ 

When Arisu had spoken those words right as he punched in the code, he’d already made his fatal mistake.

You are all my enemies, in a way.   

I stood back, watching as Arisu’s bloodied and unconscious body was slung over a militant’s shoulder and carried out of the royal suite. Usagi went next, kicking and screaming her boyfriend’s name. Just as she was dragged out the door, her eyes locked on me, and I could see the sheer betrayal there, the hatred burning and seething under her skin. 

I simply smiled. 

It wasn’t personal. It’s just how this world works.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice a pawn to reach the king. 

The rest of us meandered out into the hall where the two traitors were being hauled towards their fate. I felt a hand clamp firmly on my shoulder, and fought the urge to move away when I saw Aguni standing beside me.

‘You did good, Chishiya. I never did trust those two.’ 

You should rethink where you put your trust. 

‘Don’t mention it,’ I said. ‘It’s the least I could do.’ 

There was a furious cry down the hall as Usagi bit someone’s hand, followed by a slap, and then silence. I already had an inkling about what would happen to the two of them. Knowing Niragi, he would have some fun with Usagi before disposing of her. Perhaps I should’ve felt guilty. Some people certainly would. But there was a small, satisfied part of me that was glad it was her instead of... 

‘That reminds me,’ Aguni said. ‘How did you know about them?’ 

‘Ah… that.’ I took the walkie talkie out of my pocket and flashed it to him. ‘They tried to get me to join them. I went along with it to find out the details, and you know the rest.’ 

Aguni’s brows furrowed at the sight of the device, but he didn’t ask to inspect or keep it. That’s when I knew I had him wrapped around my finger. 

‘I understand. If you see any other suspicious behaviour, let me know.’ 

‘Of course.’ 

I nodded politely as he disappeared down the hall and submerged himself in his room.

Now that those two were taken care of, the militants would be distracted for a little while. That left us a generous amount of time until dark, although the real plan wouldn’t take long to execute, especially now I knew where the actual safe was.  

Aguni may have been observant, but not nearly as observant as I was. Knowing that he had come so close to having the cards snatched from right under his nose, it would’ve unsettled anyone. And in such an unstable situation, it was only human nature to seek stability by making sure that your precious items are untouched. 

I guess I was wrong about the blank sheet. 

There was a room on the top floor that I knew wasn’t currently being used. In such close proximity to the royal suite, it was the perfect hideout where I could talk into the walkie talkie without worrying about eavesdroppers. 

Slipping inside, I pulled it from my pocket once again to tune it to a radio frequency I had told Kuina about earlier. Knowing her, she would have tuned (name’s) to the same one right after Arisu’s capture. 

I lifted the walkie talkie to my mouth. ‘Kuina?’ 

There was a drawn out moment of static, then Kuina’s voice crackled through. ‘I’m here. (Name) still needs a minute though.’ 

I figured as much. Once she realised what was happening, it was inevitable that she would react badly. Having Kuina there to keep her away from Arisu and Usagi had been for the best. And now she knew that I had unwillingly involved her in a plan like this, her opinion of me had probably sunk lower than before. 

Is this also for the best? 

I sat down on the unused bed, deciding that yes, it was. She would only be a distraction. If it came down to it, I needed to survive. And once we left the Beach, if she despised me so much that she chose to go down a separate path, it couldn’t be better. 

But still… 

‘Chishiya.’ Kuina’s voice interrupted the quiet. ‘I hope you feel guilty for this. I seriously hope a small part of you realises how screwed up this was.’ 

I smiled at her lack of understanding. I realised perfectly well, but for the sake of surviving in a world like this, you couldn’t allow yourself to slip to the bottom of the food chain.

‘You’ve changed your tune,’ I replied. ‘Are you backing out all of a sudden?’ 

‘Of course not. I can’t afford to, and neither can (name).’ She paused, then tentatively asked, ‘Did you know? About her… and you, you know.’ 

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ 

‘Did you know she had feel—’ Kuina’s voice stopped, then she hushed, ‘She’s coming out now. We’ll be upstairs soon.’ 

The communication cut off, and all I could do was wait until they were in position. Wait, and mull over Kuina’s unfinished question. Obviously, they had been talking about me, but I almost didn’t want to know what they had said. 

I waited fifteen minutes, and there was still no sign from either of them. If they carried on at this speed, we would run out of time. Growing restless, I held up the walkie talkie. 

‘You two, how are things on your side?’

There was no response, but they would have to reply eventually. What I didn’t expect was her voice to come through. 

‘You’re all good to go from where I’m standing.’ Her voice was still dripping with unspoken anger and betrayal, and it was surprising she was even willing to talk to me. 

So you’re not as childish as you act. Who would’ve thought. 

‘Aguni’s still in his room,’ Kuina followed up with a sigh. ‘We’re getting bored now.’ 

‘Then should we get going with the plan?’ I suggested. The reply I got was scathing. 

‘We’ve already gotten going. It’s you who needs to hurry up.’ 

That attitude, it was almost laughable. How commanding (name) had become in an instant, as if she weren’t tagging along on someone else’s plan.

‘Patience,’ I reminded her, and turning down the volume on the walkie talkie, I cracked open the door. 

In the hall, there wasn’t a soul in sight. It couldn’t have been more perfect. The royal suite was unguarded, and I easily slipped by unnoticed. Inside, the room was bathed in darkness, and it became apparent Aguni hadn’t yet bothered to move his belongings in. There were still traces of the incident earlier. The carpet by the open wardrobe was spotted with blood. Arisu’s blood. 

I turned the volume on the walkie talkie back up. ‘I don’t know if Arisu is stupid or intelligent. Hatter was paranoid. He wouldn’t have hidden the cards in a normal safe.’

‘Where’s the real one then?’ Kuina asked. 

I turned to the deer painting on the wall. It didn’t particularly stand out as anything special, just a deer’s face and antlers against a blue toned background. And yet earlier that day, despite all the commotion and Arisu’s screams of pain, it had captured Aguni’s focus. 

‘When Arisu was caught,’ I said, slowly approaching the painting, ‘Aguni wasn’t paying attention. He was looking towards a certain picture on the wall. It turns out the paper wasn’t empty after all. It contained a drawing instead.’ 

Briefly placing the walkie talkie on a side table, I lifted the painting from the wall, uncovering the hidden treasure that I had been hoping for. The plaster had been carved up, forming a hole large enough to jam a small safe inside. And sure enough, there it was. A hotel safe, much like the one Arisu had tried, was embedded deep into the wall. 

Her voice, sounded through the static. ‘So, you had no idea where it was until then?’ 

I picked up the walkie talkie again. ‘Exactly. What happened to Arisu was necessary if we were going to find the real safe. Speaking of which, I’ve found it.’ 

Now it was the moment of truth. The final test to see if my code was correct. I punched the numbers in one by one. 8022. Each one held its own magnitude, and I half-expected an alarm to ring out. 

Except it didn’t. The safe display read ‘OPEN’. 

‘You used him just for that?’ was Kuina’s tired response. 

Really, after all this time, did she not realise that this was the price one had to pay? This world had a certain dynamic. In order to survive, you couldn’t allow yourself to get caught up in guilt or shame. 

‘In order to gain something, you have to lose something,’ I said. ‘He’s just a sacrifice. Things like this happen a lot, don’t they?’

'No, they don’t. Not at all. I really don’t want to be your enemy.’

I smiled, remembering the betrayal in Arisu’s expression. ‘I get that a lot.’ 

----------------------------------------------------------------

The deck was like a weight, swinging in my pocket. A surefire sense of power and danger, all hidden within a stack of cards. There was no way of knowing whether collecting them granted any passage back to the old world. But there was also nothing to prove that they didn’t. 

Either way, I’m certain something will happen once the deck is completed. 

These cards couldn’t be for nothing. 

After replacing the painting, I told Kuina and (name) to meet me near the patio exit at the east of the hotel. I could’ve caught up with them on my way down from the top floor, but I wanted to make a small diversion. 

I’d never felt any attachment to my room, and even now as I took one last look, there was nothing in particular keeping me here. 

Well, maybe just one thing. 

Pulling open the second drawer down on the desk, I felt around at the back for the tiny box. It was only small, and the ring inside even smaller. It sat open in the palm of my hand, the silver fashioned into a small sun with a glistening green centre. 

Somehow, its weight was even heavier than the cards. 

Is there any point?

I could’ve easily slipped it into my pocket, but it was practically useless. Even if I gave it to her, she would instantly reject it. 

I placed the box back in the draw. It would stay a secret for the next person moving into this room. As I shut the drawer, I suddenly remembered another, darker secret hidden inside the one below. I opened it up, seeing the little souvenir I’d taken from my first game. 

The pistol glistened inside, metallic and dangerous. Now that would certainly keep Niragi at bay. But again, was it worth it? It didn’t hold many bullets, and it wouldn’t stand a chance against a rifle. Once we were out of here, I could probably find something a little bigger, perhaps in Tokyo’s empty Yakuza hotspots. 

I left it there along with the ring. Even walking away felt like tugging at a string that kept pulling me back towards that tiny box. I would have to rip that string apart. 

Making my way down through the hotel, I strolled outside, dipping into the smaller paths where the patio was peaceful. The only sounds were the faded music drowned out by wind, and the soft trill of crickets. Two silhouettes came into view, one basking in the glow beneath a lamppost, the other hidden against the wall in its shadow. 

‘I guess we won’t be needing these anymore.’ I pulled off the wristband I had gotten so used to wearing. Just as I reached the brick archway at the edge of the grounds, Kuina spoke.

‘Don’t you feel sorry?’ 

I paused. ‘Sorry?’ 

‘About what happened to Arisu,’ (name) said. ‘I feel really sorry for him. We both do.’

Kuina hummed in agreement. ‘Don’t you?’

I turned, glancing from Kuina’s frown to the figure behind her. No matter how hard she tried to hide in her friend’s shadow, I could always find her, especially when her eyes looked so full of anger and hurt. Standing there, both bracing themselves against the cold, the two of them echoed off one another in perfect harmony. 

‘I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.’ 

I knew what line came next. She didn’t have to sing, so long as she was still breathing. Perhaps I could make her understand. 

‘Is there anything we wouldn’t do in order to survive?’ 

Clearly, there was. Their eyes widened, as if the truth of this world hadn’t fully hit them yet. As if all my efforts had been for nothing in their eyes. 

Fine. Very well. 

I smiled, no longer caring to hide the bitterness. ‘If you both feel so worried, then maybe you should go and help him.’ 

And of course, neither of them budged. They knew they couldn’t. They were both so happy to come with me if it meant escaping the Beach, yet they still felt the right to criticise my methods. I turned back towards the arch and took the first step forward into freedom, only to hear that tiny, oh-so-familiar sound. 

A buzzing. 

‘It can’t be,’ I muttered. 

This was always a possibility. But why here? Why now? Why, when I was so close to winning? Any other time, and I wouldn’t have minded. This, however, was simply annoying. 

I was so deep in thought, I barely registered the footsteps behind me… the familiar form sliding past me… walking closer towards the arch. 

‘Stop.’

My hand moved on its own, grabbing her wrist and tugging her back just in time. For one small second I felt the heat of her skin, right before it was yanked out of my grip. 

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ She touched her wrist as if it had been burned, unaware that it had been the other way around. 

I couldn’t answer. The cold had settled back in, the emptiness. It only confirmed that nagging suspicion I already knew. The reason I couldn’t rip the string apart. She was the answer.

Kuina appeared at my side, waiting for an explanation. Her presence reminded me that there was something far, far more pressing at stake. Suddenly remembering the wristband I was holding, I tossed it into the arch. 

A glowing red laser shot through the centre and it clattered to the ground. 

The timing was almost ironic, too perfect to be true. Almost like the gamemasters had been watching us all along, just as they had with that little stunt they pulled in the Eight of Hearts. As frustrating as this was, I had to admire their creativity. 

I sighed, turning around to see a wall of lasers appear along the parameters of the hotel.

Touche. 

[startanewdream]

Into her sleep

This is me writing Hinny smut (or any kind of smut) for the first time, so, you know, be gentle?  Thoughts and suggestions are appreciated!

And because I can’t write pure happiness, it’s more of an wankst (wangst?) than anything else.

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Summary: “...after a while Harry found himself taking it out simply to stare at Ginny's name in the girl's dormitory, wondering whether the intensity with which he gazed at it might break into her sleep, that she would somehow know he was thinking about her, hoping that she was all right.”

In which, unlike Harry thought, Ginny was not sleeping.

Rated M, so below the cut:

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It’s well past midnight when Ginny finally finishes her shower and leaves the bathroom. For a few seconds, she just stands on the door, hearing the soft breaths of her sleeping friends, but her eyes are on the two empty beds. Anne and Janet didn’t return to Hogwarts this year. They are both Muggleborns; she hopes, as she does every time she sees their beds, that they just fled with their families.

The alternative is too painful to think about.

And if there is something Ginny’s been understanding lately is pain.

Not that she should be complaining today. By Alecto Carrow’s standards, her detention was easy, but then Alecto is much more smooth than her brothers. Alecto likes her venomous words and, unfortunately, she had finally heard more about Ginny’s relationship with Harry.

Ginny supposes she was lucky if there is such a thing in her life now. But she had three free months in Hogwarts without the Carrows knowing more of her connection with Harry than the fact that her family was close with him; why Snape didn’t mention it to them - or why he didn’t question her himself - she is too tired to guess.

She should’ve known there was something weird when she entered that room on the fifth floor and Alecto was waiting for her with a sweet smile. Ginny had faced other detentions with Alecto - she’d endured a few rounds of the Cruciatus Curse, had felt the pain of a quill cutting her skin, had blacked out once after being thrown in the room - but she had never feared Alecto as then, with that smile that did not fit the room with chains and spots of blood.

‘You’ll clean up today. Muggle style, since you love them so much’, Alecto had said, pointing to a bucket and a mop.

After so many detentions, Ginny just nodded. She knew that her silence annoyed the Carrows more than when she’d scream to them, so she just concentrated on her task, trying to stop her thoughts of who had been bloodied in that room. Not a pure-blood, sure, they were so protective of them. Maybe a First Year, someone who was as innocent as she'd been before the darkness had tried to wrap her…

‘I heard you used to date Harry Potter’, Alecto said then, and when Ginny didn’t answer, she snorted. ‘Maybe you forgot to mention early when I asked you about him’.

Ginny tried to control her breathing. She’d know a moment like that would come up sometime.

‘It was nothing’, she said without looking up. ‘We were just messing around. He dated other girls’.

The truth is far from it, but Ginny expects her apathy is enough to convince Alecto.

‘I see’, said Alecto and for a second Ginny thought she had believed. ‘So he just used you then he dumped you’.

That was low and they both knew it; there was no good answer for Ginny, so she just kept her head down, trying to clean the floor as fast as she could.

‘Boys are after one thing only, you should have known better’, Alecto continued, and Ginny could hear the mocking tone in her voice, could now understand her sweet smile. This was her real punishment. ‘You’ll be lucky if any Pureblood accepts you after you are… profaned’.

Ginny bit her lips to keep from screaming with so much strength she felt the iron taste of blood on her mouth. Alecto was talking as if Ginny was dirty and no matter the fact that she and Harry never had time to really be together, she knew that nothing she’d ever do with Harry would be stained.

But Alecto didn’t deserve to know anything about her relationship with Harry. That was one thing that nothing - not Tom, not that Dark Regime, not the Carrows - would take away from her. The memory of the way his  green eyes spark when he laughs. That dimple in his face when he’s smiling shyly. The way his hair is even messier after he lands from a flight. The determined expression on his face the first time they kissed. The way his eyes had darkened that night when she’d opened her shirt, had taken out her bra -

Perhaps it was the fact that it happened also in an empty classroom, a lifetime ago, but somehow this specific memory stayed with Ginny, protecting her almost as a Patronus against Alecto’s increasingly obscene comments. It was almost easy to turn off Alecto’s voice and after that, Alecto’s fun seemed to be dispersed. She discharged Ginny with a disdainful look, but Ginny didn’t notice for once; when she met Neville in the Common Room and he looked at her with concern (that’s the only kind of look they share these days), she’d been almost truthful when she told him she was okay.

‘I just need a bath’, said Ginny, and Neville nodded, understanding.

Ginny stayed under the hot water for a long time, as if the heat could clean away the filthiness that the Carrow’s presence always brought to her - it was worse than the blood that made her scrub her hands almost to raw skin, it was their evil dark magic. It reminded her of Tom’s diary and that’s the worst part for Ginny.

So she concentrated on her memories of Harry, letting the pure raw emotions she’d felt with him draw the heaviness of the day away.

It had worked for her shower, but as Ginny lays down on her bed, closing the curtains around her except for an opening where the moonlight enters, the stress returns as always.

She is tired and she feels tired. She can’t complain, though, because people look up to her to not give up. Neville and Luna are counting on her as much as she’s counting on them. Neither can fall.

But somehow Alecto Carrow’s voice still echoes in her mind and Ginny closes her fists, feeling her fingernails in her flesh, using the pain to draw away Alecto’s laugh that Harry used and dumped her.

‘No’, she whispers, hearing her voice. Her voice is real. Her relationship with Harry was - is - real. ‘He cares for me’.

She repeats it to herself as many times as she can, until Alecto’s voice is far away in her mind, no more than an annoying fly. Quietly, Ginny takes the Gryffindor scarf she always keeps by her bedside and hugs it close to her body, feeling  its scent.

Even after five months, the scarf still has Harry’s scent.

She sniffs it, letting that musky smell fill her nostril, until she shamelessly wraps the scarf around one of her pillows, hugging it, pretending it’s Harry she’s with. It’s only imagination, of course - she doesn’t have a memory of sleeping like this with Harry, but she wonders if he would cuddle her, if she would caress his hair until he falls asleep first, if he would wake her with soft kisses - she likes to think she would giggle them, marvelling at the fact they were together...

That’s what hurts her the most. All the questions that she doesn’t have an answer to only because there wasn’t enough time.

When these thoughts come, Ginny admonishes herself. Be grateful for what you had together, she says firmly, and waits for what will come in the future. She can do both.

She bits her lips carefully to not reopen her wound, and she hesitates just one second before grabbing her wand from below her pillow.

‘Muffliato!’, she whispers, pointing from one occupied bed then to the other one, her mind already remembering Harry casting the same spell after pushing her to that deserted classroom seven months ago. Her heart beats faster, just as it had then, thrilled by the fact that Harry was the one being bold then.

He’d been so innocent at first, so careful with her and with her boundaries that in the first weeks it was Ginny that had been the one to pull him into empty broom cupboards, who had coached him to wait for her in the Common Room so they could have a moment together alone on that couch in front of the fireplace.

But that night Harry was the one who had searched for her in the library and had called her for a night stroll. Ginny had accepted eagerly and it had been so worthy.

She touches her lips, feeling the ghost of Harry’s mouth over hers - the moment the door had closed, Harry had spent two seconds casting a protective spell on the door and then he’d kissed her as if he’d stayed away from her for years rather than since breakfast. His mouth had been hungry, demanding, and for once it was Ginny that was matching his excitement instead of the other way around.

‘I’ve missed you so much’, he’d whispered, his mouth inches from hers only enough so those words could slip away, and even then it had sounded more as groan than anything.

Their time together had been scarcely on these last few days, with her exams starting and Harry not wanting to disturb her in this final stage. They had barely a time together - other than a good morning kiss and a brush of lips before she went to bed, exhausted, and Harry had not once complained; he was too noble for that.

The fact that he was asking - almost demanding - a few minutes for them - of her - brought Ginny an elation she’d missed amongst all stress from her exams.

Ginny remembers how she had pressed herself even closer to Harry, and how he had lifted her until she was sitting in one of the tables, with him standing in front of her, their heads for once in the same level. It had been exhilarating, but she had wanted more back then and she wants more now.

Just like that day, her hand trembles slightly when she opens the button of  her shirt. With her eyes closed, she can visualize how Harry’s eyes had widened when she took off her shirt, then had darkened when she had removed her bra; he had seemed so torn between his evident desire and his nobility. He had already felt her up during their fumblings on broom cupboards, both above and below her blouse, but this was the first time he was really seeing her naked skin and Ginny would have hexed him mercilessly if he’d dared ruin the moment. Harry didn’t.

She takes off her shirt and the light breeze makes her nipples harden, just how it happened then - or maybe then it was the pure adoration in Harry’s eyes, how he seemed entranced beyond words seeing her naked chest. With an almighty effort, he’d looked in her eyes, asking silently, desperately, if he could touch her, and she had nodded in silence.

Her hand cups her breast, just like Harry did; her hand is less warm than Harry’s had been, but it doesn’t matter. She can reproduce how he’d touched her, carefully as if he thought he could break her - as if he couldn't see the shivers his touch was causing -, before his thumb caressed her nipple; just as before, she lets out a soft moan and the sound excites her now as much as it seemed to excite Harry. Now both of her hands are cupping her breasts, playing with the nipples, letting small waves of excitement flow through her.

She can’t reproduce what Harry did then - how he’d lowered his head until he was kissing her neck, then her collarbone, then the top of her breasts as he’d already done before, enjoying the cleavage of her summer top. But Harry had lowered his head even more, not stopping his kisses, until he’d taken her nipple in his mouth and pleasure had left her out of breath for a few moments, as if there wasn’t anything else in the world but the feeling of his tongue teasing her nipple, his mouth sucking it lightly then harder. She had moaned, not caring of how she had sounded, and Harry seemed to correctly take that as approval; his other hand had gone back to cup her breast, squeezing with the same amount of gentleness and roughness and -

And then they had stopped because there were sounds outside the door and they had thirty seconds - during which Harry thrown his Invisibility Cloak above them - before Filch had opened the door and looked around with mistrust.

But just as Ginny cannot reproduce Harry’s mouth on her nipples, she also doesn’t need to stop now. She wishes there were memories - she certainly tried on his birthday -, but if there aren’t, then she can let her imagination take over of what it would have happened if no one had interrupted.

She lowers her hand, below her waist that Harry had enjoyed holding while they kissed, until her hand slips under her panties. She is not as wet as she can be, but she imagines how Harry would be patient, how he’d be so gentlemanly touching her carefully until he was sure he wasn’t crossing any limits she wasn’t comfortable with.

She touches her more sensible spot, feeling another wave of pleasure, and she wishes it was Harry - with his calloused hands, long Seeker fingers - touching her now, making those gentle circles that make her want more. He wouldn’t know exactly what spot she liked most, but Ginny could show him - and Harry would be an eager student, a fast learner.

If they weren’t interrupted, she thinks she would let him touch her even more; perhaps she would touch him as well, would let him ease the tension and hardness she’d felt during their most passionate make-out sessions. Harry had wanted her, that she knew. She imagines she was still on that table, with Harry standing between her open legs; if she would move her body just a bit forward, she could rub herself on him - Harry would be the one moaning then - and Ginny pretends it’s this she is doing instead of using her fingers.

She slips her finger forward, inside, and now she’s wet, she’s ready for him. She doesn’t think they would go all the way then - Harry would want something far more special than a quickie in an empty classroom -, but she can pretend they are meeting there again, that this is just the umpteenth time that they are doing it, that they can lose themselves in each other. It can be rough, it can be desperate.

She can imagine Harry inside her, how he’d groan and how she’d be moaning with the feeling of him, alive and heart beating and thrusting into her, filling her. She can’t reproduce a feeling she’s only imagining how it would feel, but it doesn’t really matter. She slips out her finger, letting her attention focus on her clit, on that spot where she knows how to touch, how to make her come; for everything else, she and Harry will have time later, and anyway she thinks he wouldn’t mind seeing her giving herself some pleasure. He’d enjoyed it, because that’s who Harry is.

Her fingers move faster in that circle, her breath now coming in short intakes, unstable, and she presses her eyes even more, imagining Harry kissing desperately her lips while he too moves faster, how he’d warn her that he was so close and how she’d kiss him, looking at the desire in his face that matched hers, and say it was okay. She too was close.

For a second Ginny is so fixed on the image of Harry, his brows furrowed while he tries to last a bit longer waiting for her - he’d always wait for her -, that her coming almost surprises her. That final fatal wave of pleasure washes over her and she moans loudly his name - Harry, Harry, Harry - until she feels adrift in the space, as if the only thing connecting her to the world is her finger still touching her clit, pulsing - and Harry, who’d thrust once more and then he’d come, crying her name like a prayer, pleasure and bliss written all over his face.

He’d pressed his lips fervently to hers, unable to properly kiss her; they would hug, hearing each other’s heavy breathes, feeling their racing hearts slowly calming down, and she’d hear Harry whispering to her: Open your eyes, Ginny.

She obeys him without thinking, but all she can see is the canopy of her bed. Harry is not there with her and suddenly everything comes back to her.

She is alone and Harry is just in her imagination. They are even dating anymore. Harry is out there, lost or hurt - never dead, because that is a thought she never lets herself even conjure -, not knowing that Ginny is in Hogwarts dreaming about him, wishing he returns safe, missing him as if he took with him a part of her.

The last bit of that wondrous bliss leaves her and Ginny dries her moist eyes, hating the tears that doesn’t fall. She hugs the pillow with Harry's scarf, closing her eyes and letting herself pretend they are just cuddling, protected in each other's arms.

[ukiyo-jaem]

my timer didn't go off to post this at 0:00 i am so sorry~~

warnings: smut (it's tasteful), mean parents (??) that's about it. it's got fluff in here. NOT PROOFREAD

words: 4.1k (there's a plot, trust me)

domestic!mark lee ugh a fan favorite~

I listened to Fool for You by Zayn while writing so...yeah. alrighty, let's go~~

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Fool For You

summer breezes and fresh flowers. the first big stretch when you first wake up that has you reeling back into the euphoric feeling of your warm sheets. taking a bite of your favorite dessert that reminds you of home. that scent that carries you away to your childhood of good memories and make-believe scenarios; where the worst disaster was your parents calling you in for dinner.

that's what it felt like to be in his presence.

the late night summer dates with Mark were what felt like true heaven. the nights where both of you would stay up till the early dawn holding each other so closely. the stickiness of one's skin from the morning humidity was beauty in his eyes. your natural form where no one could take you away from him.

"no matter how much i say that i love you, i will always love you more than that."

his words held so much depth when he spoke to you. he treated you like his queen and he truly was your king. he was the love of your wildest dreams. but he was way better...because he was real.

both of your families condemned this love and thought of it as useless and a waste of time. yet, it was all the time for both of you. you didn't need anyone else except mark and mark alone.

but every knife has it's point...and you've both been reaching it slowly but surely. the calls to one's family becoming longer and less loud.

"i don't want to go to dinner with your family though." your words were heartbreaking to his ears but he had made his decision. "i know. please. i know you hate them-" "i could never hate anyone, mark. it pains me but i'd never let it turn into hate" you said and his shoulders dropped. "you're so strong. just one night and i will never ask you to go near them." his eyes pleaded from where he was laying on the bed. your body positioned at the end of the comfy and warm bed.

your mind was lost in thought until you felt his hand grab yours. "pretty please?" he pouted and you groaned laying down. "that's so not cool to pout." you said turning towards him. "but i know it works." he comes closer to lay soft kisses all over your face, ending with a meaningful kiss on your lips.

"fine." you breathed after he finished his moment of passion. "and that is why you're the best." he grabbed your body and pulled you on top of him.

"we have to leave soon." you complained and he groaned. "you wanted me to go so bad and now you're gonna make us late." you said straddling his waist. "yeah yeah yeah." he held your waist and sat up.

you rolled off as he puckered his lips, leaving your boyfriend waiting. "what are you gonna wear, handsome?" you opened the closet. "nice shirt. blazer. pants." he listed off the most vaguest items. "well duh but what color?" you looked at your dresses. "black." he said and you wanted to bang your head on the closet door.

"okay tomorrow we're going shopping and i'm making you add some more color into your wardrobe." you said taking his blazer and dress shirt down. "yes dear." he dragged out.

"i'm going to go get dressed and do makeup." you waved him off and disappeared into the bathroom.

makeup was simple as you were left alone. yet, once you were starting your hair, mark thought it was an amazing idea to come in and try to dance the time away.

music had been playing for the past 20 minutes through the household speakers. it was a usual occurrence and a well loved routine. say you won't let go by james arthur had been sweeping through the house for the past couple of minutes.

his arms wrapped around your waist and his cheek rested against your shoulder.

"you look as beautiful as ever, and i swear that everyday you get better. you make me feel this way some how-" his soft voice carrying you away from the daily task.

"im gonna love you till my lungs run out, i promise till death to us part like in our vows-" his hands gripped yours, twirling you around in the small bathroom, ending up with you both pressed up chest to chest, slow dancing on the tiled floor.

"dont cry." he pouted as he saw your eyes fill with tears. He gently wiped them before they could fall. "then don't be so freaking cute." you pouted and his smile stretched across his face. "ugh you're so cute." he kissed your cheek ever so gently as to not mess up your makeup.

"and you're looking as dashing as ever." you brushed your hands over his dress shirt, the first few buttons still unbuttoned, his silver chain still laying on his exposed collar bones.

"want me to do your hair?" you asked and he didn't hesitate to sit on the toilet lid and wait patiently.

he always seemed so relaxed with your fingers running through his hair; the requests at 3 am after he awakes from an unpleasant dream never making you angry.

his hair was so soft and fun to play with. but with a little touch of magic and hair product, he would transform into his model-like man.

you finished up and let him go relax in the bedroom.

your dress hugged your body so nicely and flattered every curve you thought you never possessed. when paired with the jewelery mark had gotten you for your guys' anniversary, a goddess was being put together in human form.

"ready?" you asked walking back to the room to get your shoes. a whistle made you scoff lightly at the behavior. "ready to come home already and have you all to myself." mark sighed but you walked over to put your phone in your hand-purse along with extra lipstick and perfume.

he started to look nervous about the whole situation. "relax. i'm here for you and you alone. if you want to leave as soon as we get there? we'll just go to a different restaurant." you put a hand on his chest comfortably. "you got this." he smiled as you knew all his emotions at once.

"now let's go. i'm hungry." you kissed his cheek quickly and wiped away the mark of your lip color.

both of you walked hand in hand out of the house and to his car where he nervously drived you both to the restaurant.

"here we are." was all he said as he parked facing the restaurant. inside the window sat his parents and brother. his brother was with his own partner as they all laughed. mark knew he didn't have to worry about his brother not accepting his love. it was all his parents.

"let's go. try to look happy. they're your parents." you defended them. something he never understood about you. when facing backlash from his parents, you just let it go and never returned the hate. you were so loving while they did nothing but try to bring you down.

"but they're raging assholes to you." he turned towards you and you shrugged, wiping something on his cheek away and keeping your hand on the side of his face.

"and that's fine. but you're their baby. they just want the best for you. they'll never be happy with anyone." you tried to put it into perspective but it never helped.

he took your hand off his face and held it tightly. "tell me you want to leave. and we're gone." he said and you laughed lightly. "fine." you agreed and his smile made everything feel better.

"let's get this over with." he exited and ran to get your door like the gentleman he was.

he hooked your arm in his and lead you both towards the entrance.

"try to make memories. they're your parents. they love you." you reminded and he rolled his eyes. "yes, dear." he opened the door for you and didn't let you enter without a quick and cheeky smack to your ass. he acted innocent as he lead you to the round table.

"Oh, Markie!" his mom called drawing all attention to both of your presences. his parents hugged and pinched his cheeks as you greeted his brother and his brother's partner. "you look amazing tonight, y/n." his brother's partner smiled. "oh thank you so much. you look even better though! are those Cartier earrings?!" you rejoiced at their exquisite tastes.

"Only the best for them." Mark's brother smiled and you coo'd at the pure love.

"Here sit next to me." The 2 seats were next to Mark's father and Mark's brother's partner.

You gladly accepted the seat and Mark sat down not long after you. "We already ordered for you guys not knowing when you would show up, I apologize." Mr. Lee smiled at Mark. "Oh that's alright. What's on the menu tonight?" Mark asked, his hand finding yours underneath the white dining cloth. "Well I thought with all your work that we'd treat us all to steak." His mother smiled and you could hear a sigh come from the girl next to you.

"But I haven't seen y/n's figure in a while so I made the exception for a plain salad for you." Mrs. Lee forcibly smiled at you. Mark's hand squeezed a little harder than normal. "Oh thank you for the consideration and accomodations, Mrs. Lee," Her eyes squinted as what seemed like spite. "and might i add that you look amazing tonight." your genuine sincerity broke almost everyone's hearts at the table. "oh why thank you but i'm not one for meaningless small talk." she took a sip from her dark red wine.

"it's alright. i completely understand." you smiled and and she rolled her eyes. "of course you do." she muttered and turned towards her youngest son. "so, mark, what is new at the company?" her eyes held eagerness for conversation, something you'd wish to see atleast once.

"don't listen to the old bat." the beautiful woman said that sat next to you. "it's her baby. nothing is ever good enough for him." she rolled her eyes. "i know. i understand where her heart is." your fingers toying with the dainty necklace resting on your collarbones.

"you can have some of my meal when it comes. i didn't know what they were going to pull so i made sure to eat a burger before i came." you both giggled at the matter as someone cleared their throat. you both looked up to see Mr. Lee sending daggers towards your direction.

"i apologize." you said straightening yourself up in your seat. "what was so funny?" he asked sternly. "we were actually talking about her new line coming out in a couple weeks. something with one of the models. you know how that is." she swooped to your defense. "by the way, how is it coming?" she asked, takin a sip of the ice water infront of her.

"it's..uh..going very well actually. i have some investors coming to my fashion show to see if they'd be interested in investing. if they invest then i would be able to organize shows in other parts of the world. milan, london, paris, beijing, new york, tokyo-" "but are you going to go back to school for business or just dilly-dally until something goes wrong?" Mrs. Lee asked quickly.

"well my father and mother are both ceo's of their company so they help guide me in what i have trouble with." you smiled. mark's hand has become steel as he hasn't let go yet. the waiters brought out the food one by one with a small and plain side salad being placed infront of your body.

mark stared at the bare plate in front of you and wanted to hurl at that being the only food you were going to eat tonight.

"i'm fine." you leaned over to whisper in his ear. "eat so they don't ask you questions." you nudged his elbow.

"sharing food is prohibited." Mr. Lee cut everyone off. "we're not." mark muttered defeated. you swallowed your pride and ate a leaf at a time to try and curb your actual hunger.

mark ate a couple bites but you could tell he was taking his anger out with chewing; jaw clenching was one of his tell-tale signs of anger...and this steak didn't look like tough meat.

"markie. we went to church this past week and there is this lovely graduate student new in the congregation." his mother called as she ate her own food. you could see most of the people almost choke on their food but you remained steady in eating.

inside though, your tears were building up behind a wall that you would try to make stand till tonight when you were truly alone.

"yeah?" he asked, not knowing what else to say.

"yes. and she's not seeing anyone right now. her parents agreed to an arranged marriage if you weren't opposing." the killer was that mark didn't say anything. yet, you could hear his knuckles pop as he gripped his steak knife.

the wall was slowly crumbling as you suddenly felt full of the plain watery vegetable. you put your fork down and could only stare at your lap where a napkin laid.

"say something, dude." his brother coughed weakly.

"hell no." mark bursted and everyone could see him try to reel in his words again.

"excuse me?!" Mr. Lee bellowed, causing other dining patrons to look over.

"I'm not going to marry anyone except the love of my life." mark steamed, dropping his utensils.

"you don't know who that is yet, mark. you can't screw around with marriage and get it wrong. especially waste it on a-" mark interrupted his mother, "a what, mom?" he asked and she suddenly lost her words.

silence fell over the table as your napkin had a single ring of wetness appear suddenly. "oh no, not here. not here, sweetie," the gracious lady beside you got up "come on, we're leaving." she said to her husband and lead you out of the restaurant quickly.

as soon as you were out of eye sight, you immediately broke down in ugly tears. "don't listen to them. you are absolutely gorgeous and are a match-made-in-heaven for mark." she rubbed your back sweetly.

"you are so nice to them for no reason. you will be more of a better person than they will ever be-" "we should go. it's gonna get ugly really quickly." Mark's brother nudged you both.

you looked in to see mark and his father standing neck to neck. then as quickly as it started, it ended with mark being the bigger man and leaving. yet, a tearful mr. and mrs. lee following him at a distance.

he wasted no time in taking you in his arms and holding you as you tried your best to cover your cries. "we're going to go before dad follows. i'll stop by tomorrow and check in on you guys. get out of here before dad goes crazy." Mark's brother shouted from his car window.

mark took your hand and dragged you to the car. he put you in and got out of there as quickly as he could.

he was as angry as you had ever seen him. you didn't try to touch him or do anything on the silent ride home. yet, his hand quickly grabbed yours.

"i should have never brought you to them. im so stupid." he groaned as he hit his wheel. "no you're not." you fought with him and he didn't have the heart to go against you.

"you are the best thing that's ever happened to me." he said, a glaze setting into his eyes that you had never seen before.

"and i could never imagine life without you." he swallowed hard and you stayed there in shocked silence.

"you make me better." tears started to roll down his cheeks as he pulled into the driveway.

"please don't cry." yet your empathetic heart made your eyes spill. you both looked at eachother and laughed at the messed up states.

"then you stop crying." he defended and you looked to you lap again. he got out of his side and trailed to yours quickly.

"im gonna show you how much i love you." he said and this sparkle in his eye gleamed so brightly, everyone would've thought he was crazy.

"okay." was all you could respond with, a small smile gracing your perfect face.

he grabbed your legs and carried you all the way to the door. he crossed the doorway and it felt different. it felt more hot and flustered and more passionate.

he closed the door and immediately had you against it. the kisses were hot and filled with lust. yet, you could tell he was getting flustered and trying to rush things. the feeling of two hands on his face made him take a breath of fresh air. "let's just take it slower tonight." you whispered but he heard you loud and clear.

he picked your legs up and put them around his waist, taking his blazer off and throwing it somewhere in the living room. you dress hugged you so perfectly but you wouldn't be needing it anymore tonight.

he navigated the house as if it were you; the back of his hand. your back was now pressed to a cool matress. his hands were rough yet slow as he pulled the black fabric off of your body. his shirt was eventually off and nothing was left between your torsos besides skin.

the moonlight cascading through the window reflected off his chain and it was no longer the soft and loving without a care mark you were used to.

he was going to make you feel his love for you. from the way his fingers played with your clothed core slowly to the heavy breathing between kisses made the night air intoxicating.

his lips were against your neck making imprints of red and purple that were sure to last for a week. both of you rocked against each other in such a rhythm that would have the ocean asking for lessons on harmony.

he picked you up and situated your body at the top of the bed where he wasted no time in shimmying the dress off of your hips so he was met with nothing but you in your panties.

those were long gone as he grabbed and ripped.

"spit." he held his hand out. you obeyed and he wasted no time in running his hand up and down your already wet core.

the kisses were rushed and heated yet you both remembered to slow down as he trailed slowly down your body, kissing every part he could see and praise.

"so beautiful." he whispered, licking a bold stripe up your pussy. you gasped and tried to readjust yourself yet his strong grip on your thighs kept you ground. his arms were hooked around you upper thighs as his hands held your hips and waist down to the bed.

his dark eyes still held that shimmer in them that made you even weaker in the knees.

he wasted none of his time with teasing and gave you exactly what you wanted. "please don't stop." your hands getting lost in his hair.

his hips grinded into the mattress steadily. "im so close already." you whined as he continued his relentless pleasure. "let go for me, baby." he pleaded and if drove you so close to the edge. it made him even more excited as you were blissed out.

it was the perfect time to take advantage of your love, yet, he was going to take care and love you till both of you couldn't.

he took off the confines of his pants and met you at the top of the bed, where you were still completely gone in the euphoric wonderland he pleasured himself to sending you into.

he was slow at first but quickly got lost in this intimate feeling of being so close to you and feeling you in a way no one could relate to.

"faster." you whined but he slowed down. "no, babygirl. we're going to do this right." he cleared the hair from your face and quickly pressed your lips together in a heated kiss.

your leg now over his shoulder as he slowly pounded into you. the knot in his and your stomach felt so much more different and pleasure filled.

your fucked out moans were like angels singing in his ears as your jewelery shined in the moonlight. both of you got sloppier as you were so close to climaxing.

"please cum in me." you begged, grabbing his hand and interlacing your fingers.

he dropped your leg and got closer, sharing a kiss that left both of you breathless. then the explosion. it was as if a bomb of stars had gone off behind your eyelids as you could only feel your back arch with the unexplained feeling of being... full.

both of you laid breathless and sweaty as you tried to regain your composure and drift down to reality.

mark laid on your chest, listening to your heartbeat as he could feel his own match yours.

once he felt your fingers start to dance through his hair, he knew that he needed to be like this forever. he needed you and only you. he couldn't miss this opportunity on his soul mate coming to him from the beginning.

his arms hooked around your body as reality was hitting.

"i love you, y/n." he said and he could hear your heart begin to beat faster.

"not as much as i could ever love you." you pinky traced up his nose bridge as he slowly drifted into sleep holding the one he cares about most...so close.

~~~~~~

"mmmmm steak." he watched as your eyes lit up at the treat in front of you. "it wasn't even enjoyable yesterday. it's amazing today though." mark's brother admitted from right next to him.

his brother and his partner came over to check up and brought take-out steaks to treat everyone with. just a relaxing night at home with everyone he truly loves and can feel the love from.

he watched your happiness and was automatically taken away~

"she's nothing to you!" his mom yelled as you were lead away from the scene.

"she's everything FOR me." mark retaliated. "but we just want what's best for you." his dad pleaded. "but happiness is all I need. why can't you see that and how she makes me the most happy." mark was at his wits ends.

he needed you and was going to have you as long as you both were breathing.

"it's only going to be a problem in the end that we have to clean up." Mrs. Lee had tears coming down her face.

a brief silence plagued the table. "so are you going to show up to the wedding or no?" he asked and if pure shock could kill someone, his parents would have been 6 feet under.

"no." spoken of disbelief.

"i will not bless the marriage!" his father screamed and stood up, causing mark to chest up to his own father. "you don't need to. I am going to marry that girl out there whether it kills me or not." mark pointed to your crying being not even 100 feet away.

"you're a fool if you believe you actually love her. you're young. you don't know what love is!" Mr. Lee had Mark's collar in his hands.

yet mark broke his grip and straightened his collar.

"then I guess I'm a fool for her and her love." and with that he left to comfort you and try to rebuild you diminished character.

~~~

"earth to Handsome." he was shocked back to reality by your smile and everyone's concerned faces. "i thought you stopped breathing or something." his brother laughed as he saw you clutch your chest and laugh lightly.

"scared us there for a minute." his brother's partner laughed along with you.

"so what was so nice going on in la-la land?" you asked taking a bit from your steak. mark shrugged, taking a sip from his wine glass.

"just...thinking." he smiled.

"well don't do that again. you scared me, you fool." you laughed.

he didn't want to admit that he had been daydreaming of you walking down the aisle in the most beautiful of dresses; something that still could never compare to your beauty. but that will be for a later confession at a later date. one where you'd know his secret: there's an engagement ring with your name on it hiding in his dress shoes in his closet. waiting for the right time in the near future.

he could only smile at your cute expression in the moment.

"then i guess i'm a fool for you."

-fin-

**these are all my opinions on how i read the boys and how i watch them interact with others. this is my own personal opinions and are in no way facts unless cited to proof. thank you®

[nightswithkookmin]

I loveeeee the way ur brain works and i like all ur posts and love reading them. Its Jimin day today and i wont lie that i am feeling a bit sad about whole JK not posting on JM bday because he was getting active on Social media again and i thought its because of JM bday coming soon but i hope they are happy and JM had a blast celebrating his bday.. it annoys me how other ship( u know which ship) is happy and making fun about this situation and calling Jikook bond fake and nonexsistant. 1/2

Ahhhhhh this topic!

Also me:

Packing my bags off these shipping streets. Jk don disgrace us. Lol. Kidding. If more than anything today has solidified my faith in JK and Jikook and while y'all are jumping ship imma hold the fort. Hashtag Jikook for life!

I've been receiving a lot of questions about this, about JK not posting for JM's birthday and I haven't answered any of them because- well I passed out. So...

Anywho,

Jk didn't post true, but have you thought about what it would have meant for him and JM if he had posted?

Now I see a lot of people running through the ship streets shouting Jikook broke up, something was off between them, Jikook was never real, jikook this- Jikook that- y'all need to calm your horses or I swear to God!

I mean I am down for all that wild gossip and angst but I think y'all is tripping.

Do I think they are in a bad place, HELL NO. Do I think they are not real? HELL NO! Do I think JK don lost his minds? ABSOLUTELY.

Lol

No but seriously, I'm fascinated by all of this. I'm in pain, can't process shit but when it comes to Jikook I'm always intrigued and fascinated by them.

I'm mostly fascinated by why JK pulled a 5/8, geared up for JM's birthday but then posts crickets on Jimin's birthday as you've said.

Is it me or does this whole thing feel like the tattoo girl scandal all over again? Lmho.

Up until now, I've avoided addressing Asks about Jikook coming out, JK proposing and stuff like that because those territories are a bit tricky for me- to speculate on those, I find I'd have to speculate on whether marriage is something both of Jikook want, whether both of Jikook want to come out but these are conversations I don't think y'all are ready for with me.

Not when I believe one of them, if you've been following my train of thoughts you'd know which, is not ready to make such commitments, joking about marriage and shit- yes, that tiny man. Lol.

I mean the backlash I get for the tamer things I share on here- chilee, y'all is about to eat me up for this. Here goes nothing. Mama pray for me.

I have said, late 2018 to the middle of 2019 is one of the moments I sincerely felt JK was going to 'out' Jikook just based on the way he was moving through that era until that impromptu hiatus and the following scandal.

Out Jikook as in OUT Jikook- I've told y'all Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother. JK has been asserting himself and part of that self assertion ties in with his sexuality. He is tired of hiding. He's been tired since 2016- trouble this one.

Do I think JM is ready to come out- No. He doesn't want to come out but he doesn't want to hide hide either. Dude just want to stay in that glass closet.

Throughout my posts, I've speculated this has been a huge part of their on and off dynamics since November last year. Jk coming off too strong, JM asking for space- yall know don't make me repeat myself.

November 2019 up until today is also one such periods I felt JK was going to out Jikook, inspite of all the ups and downs they've experienced this season.

JK scares me to be honest with you. I keep saying people are looking at him wrong. Hell, people are looking at Jikook dynamics wrong I feel.

All the times Jikook have almost been accidentally outed, who's been the most terrified? It's not JK.

Jimin's face when RM said JK sneaks into JM's bed at night, his face when they walked into JK's room on Bon V and saw the cameras. I have an entire dissertation on this on my wall please get with it. Lol

Whatever silent protest JK's been on since JM's birthday last year- Not gonna lie, I felt JK was not posting for the others so he could post on JM's birthday this year as a way of coming out with him? You know, make a bold statement like he's done over the years? I'm delusional but also dead serious.

Each time I feel JK's come close to this pivotal moment, something's happened. I swear Jikook is taking years off my life- I'm exhausted.

Why is he trying to out their relationship on his own and not do that with the consent of Jimin? I'm gonna pray to God, y'all can read my mind with everything I have been saying since my posts because this is cutting it too close for me- and I'm exhausted so maybe another post next time.

Like I've said, I really believe they are in a good place this time around. Y'all know me, I don't shy from angst, I'd say if I felt there's been something off with them since they fixed whatever they were going through early half of the year.

The only tension I've sensed between them lately was on day two of the online concert when JM got a little too excited with trying to sell the sexual tension fantasy in his other ships and JK didn't look like he was happy about.

Later during the curtain call you could see dude cold stoning JM resulting in JM doing what he does best in such instances- clinging on to JK for their life. Lol.

He vanished from Namjoon's side real quick to take the bow next to JK but JK- Y'all check that moment out for yourself, see what I'm talking about.

Is that why he didn't wish Jimin a happy birthday? I don't think so. I think he put a lot of thought and preparation towards this moment to make something like this undo all of that- that is if my suspicions about what he was trying to do this year is right.

Jimin gone wake up married one of these days he won't know what hit him! Lmho.

It is why, I don't buy this whole he didn't post for the others which is why he didn't post for Jimin narrative. When have you known Jk to care about things like these?

The man literally got a birthday present for Jimin gave it to him in the presence of some of the members without doing same for them. Singling JM out like this is nothing new to him. He has done so consistently over the years to let this deter him.

The question y'all should be asking is why he didn't post for the others in the first place. They are all friends and posting for eachother's birthdays is a long standing tradition in BTS so why is he breaking from this culture all of a sudden?

Is he rebelling? Is he protesting? What is he trying to do? Right?

This moment has been building up since last year after JM's birthday and I honestly believed he was going to go through with it- hell I bought a wedding dress and shit- Jikook you son of bish!

I have said the company is giving them much room to be themselves, RM isn't breathing down their necks, JM looked like he was finally committed- everything looked great between them in my opinion except perhaps for the growing tensions between JK, V and Namjoon- If you've been paying any attention to their recent Twitter war.

I hate speculating based on nothing, so I'm just going to point out to you my observations without drawing conclusions- I'll share my thoughts on what these moments means when I've had more content to peruse and analyze from now- but for now you can make of it what you will:

1. JK starts a count down on Twitter, JM responds and continues the countdown.

Now I clocked, the moment JK posted this on the 5th that he had something up his sleeves with regards to Jimin which I shared with y'all. He was going for a 5/8/13 it's not news now.

2. After Jimin posts day 4 for the countdown, who ever was going to post after him was going to have to post day 3 to continue the countdown right? But Tae posts a V-cut instead breaking that chain.

Now I remember joking about this moment with a friend, rolling my eyes exclaiming, here they go again! V is trying to sabotage JK yet again, and he'd turn around and ask why their friendship is dwindling. The pettiness and passive aggressiveness of it all!

That moment reminded me of when he called JK out for attempting to eyefuck JM through the viewfinder in the Dynamite MV reaction video. Remember that? Same energy to me.

They do shit like this and their shippers will not take note but will turn around and act surprised when we say Taekook ain't all that- rolling my eyes.

3. Hobi continues the countdown with day 3 and RM posts something random the next day but I think it was to neutralize the Taekook shenanigans. Neutralizing is what RM does best- we been knew.

4. Jk posts his Savage Love cover on the 8th and equally doesn't partake in the countdown he himself initiated because- Savage.

5. Suga posts day 2. RM and Jin posts day 1 and Tae posts D-Day on the D day to promote the concert. Yadda yadda yadda.

Now I didn't think much of this moment to be honest- i merely took a mental note of it for future reference, and was paying close attention to their interactions at the concert- which we will talk about soon..

I didn't make much of this bit until VJoonKook became a hold out on Jimin's birthday. They were the last three to post, two of whom ended up not posting at all for Jimin"s birthday- fucking traitors.

It was at this point I felt compelled to put on my tinfoil hat. And reevaluate the situation.

Why were these three people the same trio engaged in that little squabble just a few days ago on the timeline? I wondered.

It felt as if Taekook were engaged in a Russian Roulette racing the clock while Joonie stood by waiting to neutralize whatever shit those two were going to pull on the timeline.

Call me delusional but I felt JK was going to post, Tae was going to try to one up him with a ridiculous post or counter his post- V and his fucking VMin agenda! Lmho

RM was going to end up mirroring whatever JK was going to post to neutralize it as per usual- leave me alone. I said I'm delusional. Let me be. Lol.

There's just a lot going on all at once and it's easy to lose sight of subtle moments like these when they happen.

Like Jimin saying he would be on VLive soon, which first of all- yay!

Y'all know I've been keeping my eyes on the app, most especially how the members are going to use it post IPO, post Soop- I have a lot of questions; will they be monitored like they were in May? Will they be able to have intimate interactions with the fans like before?

Y'all know my theory about Jikook and the VLive stuff so I'll leave it there.

Now as for what this moment here means, I think it's a humbling experience for all of us but mostly for Jimin-JK you sonova bish! Lol

Jimin is the one who loves to flex his bond and relationship with JK, he loves to show off their relationship. He is the one who's been called all sorts of names under the sun just because of his relationship with JK- even if they are friends.

None of the members have suffered and paid a price for their relationship with JK the way Jimin has throughout the years. It is why I hate it when people compare the others to him. Even if it placates you and lessens your insecurities please don't.

I'm not pressed about no ship wars. Hell, I often start one myself- what? fun.

I'm worried for Jimin mostly.

I think JK more than anyone knows how this looks. Which is why I really don't think this is what he was aiming for all along. To make Jimin look this way- again not to say JM is better than the others he didn't post for.

I don't know what's going on with JK now but I am not about to tell you this moment is nothing. It is not nothing.

I know people want to console themselves with the whole my partner don't gotta show off on social media on my birthday to show he loves me- please shut up. Or may be don't. Y'all con shippers confound me.

This is Jikook here, showing is an integral part of their dynamics. Isn't that why people call them a fanservice ship? Because they show so much? Because they do so much?

Jikook like to show off their bond, they like claiming eachother, they like reassuring eachother and I'm sorry but Park Jimin's father set such high standards for his son's birthday for anyone who claim they love him to pull stunts like this. Do y'all know Jikook at all?! I have to ask.

Jimin loves to be treated like he is different and special. It's his love language. We know this, BTS knows this, JK knows this- don't make excuses for JK if at the very least you can't see what he was trying to do here.

Even if you don't think they are a couple they are best friends- at the bare minimum. It doesn't take more than a few seconds to login and wish a friend a happy birthday- Hobi made four and he is not dating Jimin. Just saying.

You can't yell Jikook show us a lot hence there's no need for wild theories and assumptions and bully people who come up with wild theories and then in the same breath say they don't have to openly show us they care about eachother for them to be real- Y'all are going to ship by faith now? Chileee.

I have said JK likes to retract and conceal and only shows what he chooses to show and this was his choice. It's as simple as that. He chose not to post.

He didn't do it because of no damn other members.

He occupies a huge space in JMs life to not know what this moment says about him and his highly publicized relationship with Jimin- chileee, whatever did park Jimin do to you, JK?! Jesus Christ!

Havent heard of a betrayal this grand since the birth of Judas Iscariot- Judas is that you? Lmho.

I joke but I don't find this funny at all. Bless them.

It's one thing to not post for the others, but it's different for Jimin. And this is not to say the others don't matter to JK, they do. He's called them all family but then again he hasn't placed any one of them on a pedestal the way he's placed Jimin on a pedestal now has he? So we cannot assume Jimin means the same to him as the others mean to him.

Isn't that why we ship them?

Personally, I'm hurt by all of this. It hurts me that some people are going to use this as an excuse to tease and bully Jimin, call him a liar, call into question the years of friendship between Jikook, call into question any future interactions between them- I don cried my eyes out all day for Jimin but also for JK.

It hurts that I have to defend JK and Jikook to anyone. The task wasn't easy before all of this- not that anybody sent me. Who died and made me their spokesperson. Chileee

But please let's not dismiss this moment or belittle it. It's monumental- to me anyway.

JK was on to something I'm just curious to know what stopped him this time around. I want to know if he plans on not posting at all for anyone in the future. How long is he going to keep at it?

He's tried to out them twice. Will he do it again? How is he going to do it? What is Jimin going to do if indeed this is what JK had been planning, how is this going to affect their dynamics- I'm excited for their journey however it goes.

It's their journey unauthored. I'm just here to observe and report- and may uWu while I'm at it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we gotta ask ourselves, had JK posted anything at all today knowing full well he hasn't posted at all for anyone in the group all year, that what would that have meant for their relationship? What message would that have sent?

While we lament about this moment, let's also take a minute to ponder over what this moment might have signified if JK had actually posted.

Everything he did in the days leading up to Jimin's birthday pointed to the fact he was definitely going to post. To me it felt he was gonna come out. He was. And if he had done it- my god!

JK isn't my favorite person right about now. He can go ahead and step on leggos. No kithes for him🙄

But I have faith in him. Always. He's consistently shown and proven his love and loyalty for Jimin through out the years. You don't nibble on a man's ear in front of sixty thousand people, to find posting a simple message on his birthday tedious. This is Jikook. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.

I wish I could tell yall, this moment means nothing, that JK not posting is not a big deal but I can't. This moment is everything.

Signed,

GOLDY

[dontshootmespence]

Just Sam

Summary: Going to a motel with a strange man is not recommended, but for Sam, maybe there’s an exception.

Pairing: Soulless!Sam x Reader

Word Count: 818

Warnings: Anal hooks, anal orgasm, teasing, light nipple touching/play, Sam being a sex god.

A/N: For those of you 18 and over! This fulfills my anal hooks square for @spnkinkbingo​​ and the prompt “Pride” for @ne-gans Seven Deadly Sins Challenge. My goal was to not use the word at all. Hopefully, it comes across.

Tagging: @impala-dreamer​​ @heycasbutt​ @stusbunker​

Going to a dirty motel with a tall, soft-eyed, hard-jawed stranger was probably on the list of stupidest things you’d ever done. You knew his name was Sam. But for all you knew, he had no last name. He was like Cher or Bono or Madonna, instantly recognizable on name alone. After this, the name Sam would forever bring back memories of delicate bruises, red strips across your ass, sweat-slick flushed skin and more orgasms than you’d ever experienced with every other partner you’d ever had combined.

Aside from his name, the fact that he was built like a Greek God and the undeniable fact that he knew just what to do with every delicious piece of his glorious body, you knew one thing.

He was insatiable.

Every time he stalked in your direction, that fleeting thought of leaving (because hey, you had a life waiting outside these walls) instantly flew away. Dark eyes grew ever darker each time he laid eyes on you, your body blushed red with sizzling heat. “Sam, I don’t know what you do for a living, but I have a life out there,” you spoke, half hoping he would give you a reason to stay.

Sam didn’t disappoint. “Oh, but we’re having so much fun,” he said, sitting up straight against the headboard with his hands clasped together in his lap. Taking a deep breath, he stood up and went to grab his clothes. Your legs clenched around nothing at the sight of his perfect ass. God, he was fucking gorgeous. “You haven’t even experienced my best moves yet.”

No?

Because the constant tingling in your cunt and your perpetually hard nipples said yes. “Oh really?”

Your life outside this room wasn’t that great anyway. Fuck it. When he strutted back toward the bed and crawled toward you, you smiled into his hungry kiss. “Absolutely,” he replied haughtily.

“What are your best moves?”

“Get on all fours and I’ll show you, little girl.”

Never in a million years had you imagined allowing yourself to be called that, but here you were assuming the position with unbridled eagerness. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out a silver hook with a ball on one end and a chain on the other. Your cunt clenched, but your heart raced. You’d never done anything like that before, with a toy anyway.

As Sam approached, chest forward and standing tall, you watched the gleam of the silver ball, opening your mouth without even realizing it to moisten it. “I didn’t even have to tell you to open,” he said with more than a hint of a smile in his voice. “Eyes forward.”

He walked behind you and wet his fingers with lube, probing at your ass before pressing the ball to the tight ring of muscle. You breathed through the pressure as he pushed it inside you, you body sucking it in eagerly. “All I’m going to do is tug on this little chain,” he teased, his stark-white smile gleaming in the dim-lit motel room. “And you’re going to come for me. I won’t even have to touch you.”

You could feel the arousal running down your leg and your body kept clenching around nothing, missing his cock inside you.

Instead of sitting behind you, he came to kneel in front of you, his muscled arms resting comfortably on the bed; smile wicked. “I’m gonna watch,” he said calmly.

When he tugged at the chain, you felt your whole body bear down on the pressure, pushing against it. Despite your empty cunt, you could feel some tension from the ball. Your mouth dropped open as Sam tugged at the chain in various directions, quickly finding which one made you tremble. “Hands behind your back, slut. Just look up at me with those beautiful eyes while I wreck you.”

It’s like you were another person when you looked into his lust-filled eyes. Doing as he commanded, you gave him your best doe-eyed, tongue out, well-fucked look, smiling when he licked into your mouth. With each tug of the chain, you whimpered as the ball somehow hit multiple spots inside you. A bone-deep wave of pleasure rolled through you as you looked into Sam’s eyes. “Good girl, slut. Keep looking at me.”

As the waves radiated outward, your nipples scratched back and forth against the rough blanket, providing you with just the right degree of pain to push you over the edge, legs shaking as you started to come. “Look at me,” he commanded.

Your eyes popped open to see his almost black with lust, a self-assured smile on his lips. “Sam! Fuck!” You cried out, without a care for who else was in earshot. Every muscle tensed to the point of pain - but a welcome pain. “Oh my god!”

“Not God,” he replied, his smooth baritone drawing out the last of your orgasm with only two syllables. “Just Sam.”

[marshmallowprotection]

Calluna

Pairing: Saeran Choi/Reader

Fairytale AU.

Description:

The Prince has been bound to the castle walls, and he’s never been able to leave from it. The only place that he has to escape to are the books that he reads and the garden that he’s allowed to venture into every evening. But, what happens when he encounters someone that has eyes that know a world unlike his own?

Inspired by a drawing by @sensetenou​

Chapter Index

Chapter One: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Two: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Three: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Four: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Five: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Six: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Seven: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Eight: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Nine: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Ten: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Eleven: Tumblr | AO3 Chapter Twelve: Here! | AO3

Chapter Twelve

Impatience. 

Meaning irritation with the irrationality of the people that worked for the palace. 

Saeran could say with the utmost certainty that he despised anyone who wouldn’t connect the dots and figure out what it was that he wanted. He was the king, they were supposed to guess his needs and be ready to sate them at a moment’s notice. So much for that. These people were far too complacent and daft.

How dare they not listen to him and know what to do? Honestly, he thought with a scowl as he settled back on the throne, one hand tucked into his chin against the armrest as he spread his legs. It had been only a day and a half since he had awoken from his slumber and yet, it was hardly enough time to let him know what he wanted. 

Ray had let gone complacent and it showed in how nobody respected him. By all means, it was the reason that he was hurt in the first place. The little airhead had trusted a thief and what did that get him in the end? Oh, yeah, it got him a broken heart and the inability to function. 

That was why he had to come out and fix everything. 

As if awoken from a slumber that had been against his will for more than he was comfortable with, all he knew was the magic pouring into his veins made him stand at alert and with frothing rage. All he knew was that he had to destroy every single thing that caused him to wake up in the first place. 

And why was he on the throne? 

Because Ray let himself trust the villain and it burned him. He got too close to the sun and it burned him to a crisp. It had proven that he shouldn’t be in charge anymore, Saeran thought, if he couldn’t be trusted to function and keep himself safe, then Saeran was going to have to take it into his own hands to ensure that never happened again. 

He would start with the problem that had started it all. 

The queen had sent out her men to scour the land for the rest of Red Hood’s gang and he knew that that would likely take a while to fully discern. There was no telling how far their reach went and he’d already started to formulate a plan for what would become of every last one of them. Oh, Ray wanted to save all the people from their chains like a good boy. 

But, so many of those deviants and ruffians were happy to do what they were. The glimmer in their eyes was the true monster, their greed knew no bounds. If someone was willing to go as high as the prince to destroy everything to gain all the money in the world that they could ever dream of, then they were going to face the music for their crimes with no mercy. 

They were asking for it, simple as that. 

This is why he was excited, nearly giddy with sadistic glee at the thought of what he would do to you when he saw you again. The late-night prior had been too fraught with Ray’s devastation for him to fully appreciate the freedom that he now held in his hands and he was going to take his time learning who you were and how to make you repent for your sins. 

The thought of your begging and pleading that was soon to fill the halls of this room made him so enthused that he almost allowed himself to laugh. 

The queen had been right, there was nobody that he could trust in this world except for the person that had always been there for him. No amount of staring at the shell that you had given Ray told him anything about you or the person that you had led him to believe you were. Some thief that had wrapped him around their finger by gaining his pity. 

A wolf in sheep’s clothing, someone who knew how to manipulate others to get what they wanted. It was you that had said that you were inspired by Robin Hood. You delighted in taking from those that had and giving to those that had not, but it seemed like you were the only one that you considered a had not. No surprise, really, given what he knew of Red Hood. 

Stained with Greed and desire, you took everything you wanted from others until it wasn’t enough and you had to move onto the next thing. You had almost done that to Ray. Tricked him and taken him for a fool before you almost parted with the crown that was to be his. It was now in Saeran’s hands and you were going to face his wrath for your choices in life. 

You would regret ever crossing his path in the first place. You would wish that you had turned yourself into the guards instead of letting Ray take you to safety. They would have made your suffering over in a moment and he would surely prolong it to make sure that you knew exactly what your actions meant to everyone here. 

No amount of punishing the goons that they caught in the streets satisfied him enough. It would be nothing until he could take down the boss. That would be you, and you were just waiting for him to give you the end of your suffering in the darkness. Too bad the darkness was protecting you from the true terror. 

“...”

The sound of footsteps broke him from his thoughts.

Just on time, he thought as you were brought into the room and carelessly dropped onto the hard stone without a warning. You grit your teeth to hide the pain but he knew the look in your eyes and that was one that couldn’t hide the pain that you understood to be your fault. If you hadn’t done any of this, then you wouldn’t be pitifully groveling at his feet for your life, now, would you?  

This was his first time seeing you since his anger flared. The first real-time that he was getting a good look at you, some petty criminal, and it was hard to imagine you as the mighty Red Hood when you weren’t even fighting back. Where was the fun if you submitted so quickly? There was nothing in that that would sate his thirst for retribution. 

“You may leave,” he dismissed the guard with the wave of his hand. “I wish to speak to the criminal alone.” 

“As you wish, my liege.” 

You hadn’t lifted your head to meet his gaze, no, you continued to stare at the ground in front of yourself with your hands wrapped tight around your shoulders. 

You were trying to make yourself small to hide the fear in your heart. Good, you should have been scared. Your life was in his hands and this was a power that he relished in. There was so much that he could do that he still wasn’t entirely sure what would please him the most. For now, he wanted to learn what made you tick so that he could break you. 

Break you in the same way that you broke Ray. 

So you knew what it felt like to have your pathetic heart crushed into a thousand pieces. 

Saeran would say that you had a sense of preservation. As you knew better than to look at him or say a word, why would you? You both understood the line of power that existed between the two of you, as you were one that told Ray that you very well understood how much power he held compared to you in this land.

He rose from his seat and circled you, getting a good sense of what you were. “Is this all that the mighty Red Hood has to offer? I have to say, for a crime lord, you don’t fit the bill at all. Groveling around like some pitiful beggar, and as much as I want to see you beg and plead for my mercy… Well, I thought you would put up more of a fight now that you’re secret has been revealed to the kingdom.” 

You didn’t respond. 

He gritted his teeth. Were you patronizing him? He wasn’t Ray. He wasn’t going to let you lead him into a false state of security. Saeran snapped to attention and yanked your face up so that you would have to look at him, and of course, you winced and whined when his fist gripped your cheeks too hard for your liking. 

“All I see is a pitiful thief that got fucking lucky,” he sneered. “And that luck ran out the moment you tried to turn against Ray. Don’t get me wrong, he’s also a pitiful bug but he’s not the one that’s been lying and scheming for weeks, now is he?” 

You blinked. 

Silence. 

Then confused lined your features as two and two started to come together, you couldn’t rationalize where your so-called precious Ray had gone. Now, that tasted all the sweeter to him. If you knew that your actions had brought out his anger and the protector, well, the shame and guilt that he wanted to throw on you… haha… he wanted to see you squirm for it. 

“What…” your voice spoke in a broken whisper, searching his face for someone that you would not find no matter how hard you looked. “What are you saying? You’re… You’re Ray.” 

Saeran only smirked. He tipped his head back and laughed at your face. It hadn’t clicked yet? You hadn’t realized? Did you really think that Ray could do what he was doing? Now, that was an insult that he didn’t appreciate.

“Me? Oh, no, Sparrow. I’m not your precious Ray. I’m somebody much stronger… much better. I suppose some people have called me the better Ray, but I’m not Ray. My name is Saeran.” 

“Saeran…?” 

His name sounded foreign and unsure on your tongue but he loved the way it sounded. It filled him with delight to know that you had started to understand the price of your actions, as just the crown that lay on his head had been the very thing to open up his eyes to the true cruelty of this world. It was as easy as a name rolling off your tongue. 

“I won’t repeat myself,” he continued to say, eyes focused on your own. “So, how does it make you feel to know that you’re the reason that Ray isn’t around anymore? You shattered his little heart into tiny pieces with what you did and you’ll pay for it, don’t get me wrong about that. But, you can’t blame me for wanting to get to know the person that caused me to appear.” 

“I…” you stopped yourself short. 

What were you going to say? 

What was your excuse? 

You had none. 

You had been caught red-handed, multiple witnesses, and people speaking out against you, there was no excuse that you could say that would prove innocence in his eyes. Yet, he wanted to hear what you had to say so that he could laugh in your face at the weak attempt of besting the king. It was the price you’d pay and you knew it. 

The dejected look in your eyes said it all. "You're not going to believe me no matter what I tell you, right?" 

He chuckled, "Maybe you're not entirely stupid, then. You're right, but humor me, what would you tell me to save your skin? I can't remember what you tried to sell Ray the other night. Whatever it was, it clearly wasn't enough to make him believe you. How does it feel? Knowing that you broke a man all for a crown and a couple of jewels? Knowing that you damned yourself?”

“That’s not what happened,” you tried, but he shoved you away, and your back collided with the hard ground once more. You covered a wince though it did nothing to hide your terror that was slowly but surely growing. 

“That’s not what happened,” he taunted. 

Saeran scoffed at the pitiful look in your eyes. Even to the end, you were going to lie and pretend that you did nothing wrong, weren’t you? He expected you to put up a fight instead of playing around to be the pitiful sob-story. As if he was going to believe you. You tried to lie right to Ray’s face and he did not doubt that you would continue to act that way.

It made sense to him, how else would someone like you kill the original Red Hood? You played like an innocent child and stole his power for your own. Yet, a part of him thought it didn’t make sense. Someone as weak as you killing somebody for their power? You seemed hardly strong enough to bust out a window, much less a man.

He turned away from you, his eyes resting on the window that showed the world outside the castle walls. He strode over and watched from the high balcony as members of the guard were hard at work trying to piece together lists and plans to hunt down the remaining members of Red Hood’s gang. It was just as he ordered them to do. 

They had already caught some of the former members but there was a long way to go. That man with red hair and golden eyes had promised to turn over anyone that he knew to work for Red Hood, and the queen was hard at work with him, hunting down anyone that was against the crown. He left that work to them, but the punishment was his. 

He got to decide how they ended. 

“Stand up,” he ordered you.

You didn’t listen to his command, so he repeated himself, and his stern voice made you scramble to your feet. You stood behind him, a gasp on your lips as you saw the sight down below. People in chains and shackles trapped in what was once a lovely courtyard filled to the brim with flowers and nature. 

It was nothing more than thorns and bramble now. Your bound hands wouldn’t allow you to cover your whimper. 

He smirked, “Like it? I do. We’re starting to round up all the traitors and liars that have been working for you in the village one by one. I won’t rest until we’ve caught all of them. They’re all just as guilty and greedy as the leader that charged them. So, you know what that means. Once we’ve made an example of you, they’ll be begging for forgiveness that will never be given.” 

“You… you can’t do this, this isn’t right,” you tried, but he silenced you just as quickly as you spoke with his anger rising alongside his blood pressure. He wasn’t looking at you but he feel how you were starting to shake and tremble. “Those… those people… they don’t work for Red Hood. You can’t just punish everyone.”

Saeran snapped to attention. He looked back at you, mint eyes darkened and face covered in a kind of unspeakable rage. He cocked his head, waiting for you to try and say more but when you didn’t dare say more, he gripped your shoulder tight. “Listen, Red Hood, I don’t give a damn if they were working for you directly or not. There are dozens of people out there that let you blindly steal and deceive them knowingly. If they let you exist without question, they’re all guilty.” 

“That’s not—”

“That’s not fair? That’s not right? Who are you to tell me what’s right and what’s wrong? You? The pathetic thief that lies, that cheats, that steals, and that continues to pretend to be something they’re not? You think you have the right to tell me, your king, that I’m in the wrong? No, that’s not how it fucking works,” His voice spoke with bitterness and vitriol. 

He was so loud that it echoed off the stone walls. 

You couldn’t look away from him. This wasn’t the Ray that you had come to know and love so dearly, no, this was a man that felt vindicated by his fury and felt righteous and just in his actions. It wasn’t the man you knew, but, he wasn’t the man you knew. He was someone else and because of that, you had no choice but to listen. 

“And, you know what’s better, [Y/N]? You could only know who works for Red Hood if you were Red Hood,” his voice dropped to a whisper. He laughed when you tried to back away but his grip would not allow you to do so. “So, stop lying to yourself and me. Be honest. Maybe I’ll spare you if you come clean and beg for my forgiveness.” 

Beg. 

You just kept looking at him pathetically. You wouldn’t beg and plead. Why were you fighting this and prolonging it? 

Beg.

“...” 

He should have known that you would continue to do this. 

Beg. 

Your eyes had centered on his crown, the one that had been given to him by the queen, by the loss of his father that had protected him until his last day. You were still thinking about taking it from him, he knew it. You were trying to trick him so you could take it and run, you thieving, lying, pathetic, dumb, monstrous person. 

They’re lying, a voice whispered. They want your power… they want your crown… they’re trying to trick you as they tricked Ray… be cruel… be mean… be malicious… break them down and make them pay for their crimes. 

Even though you trembled, even though you had every right to be scared, you kept looking at him with the smallest trace of hope that didn’t seem to shatter. Your voice was quiet now, but you shook your head. “I’m not Red Hood, I’m being completely honest with you! I’m not him! That man is lying to you, the queen is lying to—”

LIAR!

A resounding sound boomed in the room as he slapped you down onto the ground once more, his breathing heavy and his eyes wild with anger and confusion. His breathing became ragged and hard, something burning in the back of his head that made him want to scream and shout. He didn’t know why, nor did he understand why the voice was so loud. 

All he knew was that he was angry and the voice said it was your fault. 

“You,” he seethed, pointing a finger at you as the doors to the chamber opened and some guards came in to check on the commotion. “You’re a liar, you’re a traitorous liar that thinks that you can deceive me even as I hold your life in my hands! Unworthy of my pity! Your days are numbered, do you fucking understand me? When the sun has risen, I will decide your punishment and you will accept it, kicking or screaming, you will reap what you’ve sown.” 

The guards took you away almost as soon as they brought you to him, and that took off some of the headache that had started to brew in his mind. The pain eased but the feeling of confusion lingered in its place when you were gone. It was like he couldn’t hear anything but the sounds of his own anger and rage over the voice telling him what to do. 

He needed to destroy you to kill the voice that commanded him. 

It was the only way for the pain to stop and leave him be. 

However, why did his heart feel empty now that you were gone?

[whittakerjodie]

You’ve Changed ( 13th Doctor X Reader )

Prompt:  I’ve always had the like idea of dating the doctor since 9, what if you and the doctor got separated towards the end of 12 and then finding the doctor again and reuniting with 13 and being so shocked but so happy to see the love of your life? Me, soft? Yeah. - Requested by @hazydespair​

A/N holy shit did I have a nice time writing this. Thanks for the request! hope you enjoy. Slight missy x reader / master x reader because I couldn’t help myself.

Words: 2.3k (AHHHH) 

Warnings: Violence, the Master being a dick in general, etc. Brief POV change? Wonky writing probably

    You walked with the two Masters, keeping an eye out for the cyber men. With the exception of the Masters boasting about their recent conquests (Missy making the interesting decision to leave out her time in the vault,) it was silent; too silent. You desperately needed to know where the Doctor was, and if he was okay. He’d spent so long trying to get Missy to change, and here she was in front of you pretending like the past 70-something years of progress didn’t happen. You knew that alone had to be an emotional blow, not counting her earlier incarnations arrival and - you winced - what had happened to Bill. 

   You liked Bill. You liked all the humans the Doctor traveled with, becoming good friends with all of them; it hurt you just as much when they left. The pain welled back up within you as if it’d all happened seconds ago, making you pause.

“Keep up,” The Master demanded. The lift in the middle of the clearing opened, waiting for the three of you to head down to the Master's TARDIS. 

“Come here,” Missy told him, before you could come up with a snarky response. You felt your stomach churn as she embraced him, whispering something in his ear. All those years wasted. 

But they weren’t.. You watched her shove a small blade into his stomach with a move so graceful you almost didn’t notice it. You stepped backward out of shock, hand flying to cover your mouth as the Master coughed up blood, complimenting his future self. 

“He said keep up,” Missy shifted the Masters weight onto her shoulder, letting him lean into her for support. You couldn’t take your eyes off the blood dripping onto the grass. Missy rolled her eyes. “Well don’t just stand there.” 

   You nervously stepped forward and helped her carry him into the lift. They began discussing the quickly approaching regeneration, and you stepped back once he could lean against the wall. You felt a tug on your heart strings as the Master asked Missy Why? Enemy or not, it was hard to see anyone slowly bleed out. 

“Because it’s time to stand with the Doctor” Your head whipped to meet her eyes, gasping. She had changed. The Doctor had actually managed to help her. A flicker of hope decimated the fear and hurt as you thought of how proud and happy the Doctor would be if he could see her now. Your adrenaline spiked. Somehow, this horrible adventure could end happily. 

But it didn’t. 

   You tried to shield Missy from the Master’s laser sonic blast, but it happened too quickly. You helped her to the ground as he escaped, panicking.

“No, no no no!” You shouted. She lightly gasped for breath, unable to draw in enough air. You scanned the area, trying to find anything that could help; Part of you knew it was foolish. Nothing could help her. But you couldn’t let her die… the Doctor needed to know, not just through you but with his own eyes, that she’d done the right thing- that she’d stood with him. Her eyes were glazing over; she didn’t have much time at all. 

   You cursed, your mind urgently trying to comb through hundreds of outcomes to come to a decision on what to do. You threw them all aside in favor of instinct. You gently cupped her face, her eyes widening as she realized what you were doing. The regeneration energy burned painfully as you directed it through your hands. Every molecule in your body knew that you probably shouldn’t do this. 

   For a moment, it seemed Missy was having the same thoughts. She tugged at your hands, as if she were about to stop you. Eventually, she began to change and her own pain forced her to stop trying and curl up, howling as the regeneration progress tore through her. You fell back after you were sure it was going to work, unable to stay standing. Giving an entire life understandably put a strain on your consciousness and you found yourself laying there, staring up at the sky. It seemed like hours before Missy- or rather, the Master once again, stared down at you blankly. He silently picked you up and carried you away from the clearing. You wanted to tell him to stop so you could find the Doctor, but you weren’t able to find the words.

    The escape from the colony ship was a bit hazy, but it must’ve been easy because it wasn’t long before you and the master were somewhere different. Unbeknownst to you, the Doctor’s escape was considerably worse. You had no idea how hard he looked for you, holding off his regeneration until he’d looked through nearly every floor of the ship in search of you and then longer, desperate to see you one last time before he changed. You weren’t there to help him accept the regeneration that he was trying so hard to stop. You weren’t there, and he didn’t know where you were. You were just… gone. 

    This was the case for both of you for a long time. The Doctor crashed to Earth and found her new companions, showing them the universe and trying to return back to normal without you. You traveled with the Master, which was only fun for a little while. Every adventure he would show small signs of returning to who he was before the Vault, and the reversion was only exacerbated by what he’d found on Gallifrey. He wouldn’t tell you what it was, or what had happened. All you needed to see was the madness returning to the back of his eyes to know that it was bad, even by the Masters standards. It scared you. 

   After that, he’d changed the TARDIS controls. You couldn’t leave, nor could you control the machine. You’d fought with him for years over it as he left you trapped, gallivanting across the universe to stir up trouble once more. Eventually you’d given up. You let the days blur and bend around you, filling your time with whatever entertainment his TARDIS could conjure up for you. It barely worked; even having everything you could ever need at your disposal, you couldn’t cure the pain of being stuck and without the Doctor. 

   When the Master mentioned your fellow timelord, your ears perked up immediately. He’d been planning something for the last few days and you suspected it had to do with getting the Doctors attention, but you didn’t get as excited as you were when he actually confirmed it. You nearly leaped out of the chair you’d spent the last two days reading in. The Master took note of your excitement and chuckled darkly. 

“You won’t be there, of course.” He crossed the console room, lifting your chin up so you could meet his eyes. “As much as i’d love to see her try and get you back, it might take too much of her attention away from what’s really important.” 

    You didn’t say anything, not wanting to give into his obvious attempt to try and get you riled up. You tore your eyes from his and he laughed again, brushing his fingers against your temple. The psychic link he established allowed you to peek at his intentions and you tried to fight his sudden tug on your consciousness. The element of surprise gave him the upper hand, however, and you cursed at him as many times as you could before your vision gave out. 

    It was a dreamless sleep, but you were vaguely aware of the sounds around you- or rather... above you? You couldn’t tell. It seemed like there was yelling at one point. There was an unpleasant feeling encompassing you as it went on, like you were sensing some unseen but immense danger. There was also a small tinge of warmth that you couldn’t come up with a reason for.

   When you finally came to, you felt the pain in your wrist first. Your left arm was chained to the short ceiling, bearing your entire weight. You tugged at it, cursing your stupidity as pain shot through your arm. Wires ran along the wall and down into a hole in the floor, their source humming above you. You deduced that you were being kept underneath the console, probably in an effort to stop you from trying to alert the Doctor. It was frustrating, but you weren’t exactly surprised. 

“Hello?” You cried out. When no response came, you kicked at one of the wires on the floor. A light flickered above your head and you heard the familiar sound of the Master grumbling. Part of the ceiling opened up, his angry expression peering down at you. He threw a key onto the floor, not bothering to unlock the chains himself. 

   You crawled out of the small space, stretching. You raised a brow as you took in the new interior of the TARDIS. It wasn’t Gallifreyan in any aspect. In fact, it had a great resemblance to a house. A messy one, too. The Master busied himself with something at the console you’d just crawled out of, but threw out an explanation. 

“Just a little cover. I’ve been too busy celebrating my victory” 

“Your victory?” You scoffed, peering around at the trash and clutter that covered the floor. It was almost funny to see someone as uptight and dramatic as the Master in such a… human space. The humor faded when you saw the giddy expression on the Masters face. 

“You should’ve seen me, Y/N. I was great” You became more and more uncomfortable. The Master wasn’t ever this happy- even when he burned whole cities.

“What did you do?!?” You whispered. You tried to stop your trembling as you ran back to the console, taking in everything that was on the screens. He laughed as you shoved him aside, piecing together what he’d exactly he’d accomplished on his latest mission. You fell to the floor, clutching at your hearts. Not the Doctor. She has to get out of this one. Him- her and the Master had fought for lifetimes but the Doctor always ended up okay. You needed her to be okay. How else were you going to see her again? 

________________________________________

The Doctor was okay. At least, she thought she was. She was 70% sure she was. If she wasn’t, she could always deal with it later. For now, she had a world to save. She rubbed at her neck, still sore from being choked by the Master. She tried to push the pain aside, convincing herself that if anything, it helped boost her adrenaline. 

She rushed to the Master's TARDIS, Ada Lovelace and Noor Inayat Khan in tow. She threw open the doors, unaware of what (or whom, more accurately) she was about to find. 

___________________________________________________________

   You didn’t think much of the door opening, sure it was just the Master coming to complain again. He was beyond annoying when he threw his tantrums, but you were thankful for the last one as it’d reassured you that the Doctor was, at the very least, still alive. You leaned against the bookshelf, turning the page without looking up. 

“Back so soon?” You teased. “Guessing it didn’t go well? Again?”

“y/n?” You tensed at the unfamiliar voice. You nearly dropped the book when your gaze landed on the Doctor, frozen in the doorway of her enemy’s TARDIS.

   Her eyes were wide, looking over you frantically as if trying to figure out if it was actually you standing there. You actually did drop the book, running towards her. The two women with her stepped back in surprise as you hugged her tightly, lifting her off the floor. Her arms flailed for a moment before squeezing you back just as tightly, her voice rambling in your ear. 

“I found you” she was whispering. You wanted to hold her tighter, but it wasn’t physically possible. You tried to wrap your head around the reality that it was really her in your arms, after all this time. The love of your life, who you’d lost so suddenly, here with you once again. The Doctor moved away first, but only so she could look you in the eye. 

“I found you,” She repeated. Her face became blurry as tears swarmed your eyes, and she wiped them away as they fell. She pressed a kiss to your forehead before pulling you back into her arms. You let everything else fall away as you sobbed into her shoulder, letting your mind do the work of showing her just how much you’d missed her, and why you’d been gone. You held each other for a long while, neither of you wanting to let go in case the other disappeared again.

   Eventually, the two other women spoke up, and the Doctor helped you sit on your reading chair so she could take them home. When she finished and landed you wherever she was parked, she took a seat next to you. She placed her hand in yours, lacing your fingers together.

“You’ve changed,” You commented, stroking the back of her new hand with your thumb. She nodded, lifting the joined hands to kiss the back of yours. 

“Bit of an accident on the colony ship. Had to let go.” She whispered sadly. You tucked her hair behind her ear, not moving back afterwards. Instead, you placed a soft kiss on her lips, squeezing her hand. 

“I like it.” You assured her. You didn’t want to ruin the moment by discussing the events that tore you apart. She smiled, pushing the thought of them aside as well. There would be time to reflect on them after you were done catching up. 

“I think I do, too.” She sat up, pulling you with her. “Let’s get you out of here. “ 

   You took your first steps outside of the Master's TARDIS after years of being stuck inside, trying not to break down again at the sight of the blue police box.

“I’ve got some friends I’d like you to meet,” The Doctor said excitedly once you reached the doors. She snapped her fingers and they flew open, giving you a glimpse of the new console room. You gasped, eyes dancing over everything. 

“You’ve even redecorated!” You exclaimed. The Doctor grinned from ear to ear, nodding. 

“Come, y/n. We’ve got loads to do.” 

   After everything that had happened, you were free. You and the Doctor had found each other once more, and the Master was nowhere to be found- presumably sulking somewhere. You didn’t care, frankly. There was only one time lord you wanted to think about right now. You followed her into the blue box, just as you always had and always would.

[dlwritings]

Firecracker Soul | Dean Winchester

Chapter 24 - Goodfellas

pairing - mob!Dean x teacher!ofc

word count - 4,129

warnings - language, blood, descriptions of torture, implications of rape, it’s a heavy chapter so just be warned

additional notes at the end

(previous)

When Alice woke up, she had no idea where she was. She was hanging from the ceiling by chains, her toes just barely touching the ground. She lifted her head drowsily and blinked, adjusting to the dim light in the room. She looked around, trying to get her bearings.

"You know-" She jumped at the voice behind her, unable to turn and see who it belonged to. "-you can only get about five miles with a tear in your radiator hose."

The person walked in front of her, and she felt her stomach drop. "Lucifer," she muttered.

"Oh, you remember me!" he said, putting his hand on his chest. "I'm flattered."

"Let me go," she said, doing her best not to cry despite how terrified she was.

Lucifer tsked. "I'm afraid I can't do that. See, you have something I need."

"I don't have anything," she said. "You've got this all wrong."

"Actually," he said, "I don't. Because I think you know a lot more than you say you do." She shook her head in denial, and Lucifer grabbed her chin to stop her. She winced at the contact. "I want the location of the Wincehster bunker."

"Why?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Because, sweetheart," he said, "I'm going to blow those fuckers off the map before they can cap me, capiche?"

She shook her head in disbelief. "I don't understand. Why me? I, I can't help you."

"Well," he said, "I figured my chances of you breaking are much higher than any of his people. You know, they signed up for this. For violence. For torture. You? You just signed up for a good fucking, right? You never expected this." He walked over to a table Alice hadn't noticed until then. It was covered in tools, and she felt tears coming to her eyes. "Plus, I want to see how long it takes you to break. It's kind of like a fun game for me." He traced his hands over the tools. "That's where I made a mistake with Lisa," he said. "I didn't get to see her pain. I didn't get anything out of what happened to her except Dean's utter brokenness. I'm not going to make that same mistake with you."

"Please," she said. "You don't have to do this."

"You're right," he said, folding his arms across his chest. "If you just tell me where the bunker is, you get to leave safe and sound."

She shook her head no. "I can't."

Lucifer sighed. "Suit yourself."

With every punch delivered to Alice's body, her mind repeated the same phrase: Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut. It was a line from Goodfellas that she knew applied to her situation. She couldn't give Dean away. She knew that. She knew Lucifer would think she was weak. Every man she ever met thought she was weak. This time, she would prove otherwise.

Lucifer punched her, and blood gushed from her nose. "I'll ask you again," he said as she struggled to lift her head. "Where's the bunker?"

She took a shaky breath. "I don't know." Lucifer sighed, put his hands on his hips, and hung his head.

"I'll give you this, Alice," he said, turning to the table. "You don't give up easy." When he turned to face her again, he was holding a knife. She couldn't help the fear that bubbled up in her chest, and she knew Lucifer saw it. He grinned and waved the knife. "You could just talk, you know," he said. "This doesn't have to get ugly." She spit some blood out of her mouth and onto the floor and looked up at him again.

"I don't know anything."

Lucifer tutted and walked back over to her, popping her shirt open with the knife. Without any hesitation, he took the knife and dug it into her skin, drawing a sharp line down the middle of her chest. She let out a scream and tossed her head back, feeling tears slide across her cheeks. "Tell me where the bunker is," Lucifer said.

"I don't know," she said. He cut a line diagonal to the first and repeated the question. She gave the same answer. After doing this two more times, Lucifer sighed and put the knife back on the table. She tried to catch her breath, but every time she breathed too deeply, the cuts on her chest felt like they were tearing open. Just when Lucifer turned to her again with a new tool in his hand, her phone rang from where he had set it on the table. Lucifer picked it up and saw it was Dean. She thought he would answer it, but he didn't. He looked at her and started walking back over to her. "You tell him everything's fine," Lucifer said. "You try anything funny, this knife is gonna go a little deeper, you understand?" She swallowed thickly and nodded, so Lucifer pressed answer on her phone.

"Hey, Dean," she said, doing her best to mask the fear in her voice.

"Hey," he said. "What's taking you so long?"

"Sorry," she said, looking up at Lucifer. "Clean up has just been taking way longer than I expected, and I've been talking to my colleagues and stuff."

"Right," Dean said. She could picture him putting his hand on his forehead, knowing he could read her through the phone just as well as he could in person. "You want to talk about our trip to Poughkeepsie? I thought we could leave next week."

"Yeah," she said, closing her eyes and praying the tears wouldn't fall. "Yeah, we can talk about it later. I, I gotta go though." She cleared her throat and looked up at Lucifer again. "Thomas needs my help with the balloons."

"Okay," Dean said. "I'll see you soon."

"Okay," she whispered. Before either of them could say anything else, Lucifer hung up the phone.

"Aw, you're planning a vacation?" Lucifer teased. "Isn't that sweet. You know, you two really do make a great couple." He turned back to the table. "Now. Where were we?"

He grabbed the tool he had put down earlier, and she noticed right away they were pliers. She held back her tears and bit her lip when she felt it shaking. "You could just tell me, you know," he said. "I really can't see how Dean Winchester could be worth all this."

"Go to hell," she breathed out.

He laughed. "I've already been. Didn't quite sit right with me."

She clenched her fists, trying to hide the tips of her nails, but he had no problem prying her fingers out and exposing them to him again. "Which one should I take first?" he asked, tapping the pliers against her fingers. "Eenie, meenie, minie, mo-" He finally settled on her middle finger and pinched the nail between the pliers. She screamed as he slowly pulled the nail from her finger. There was no use in holding back her sobs anymore. Her whole body was shaking, and the minute she looked up at her finger, she felt nauseous. She leaned over and threw up, doing her best not to get any vomit on herself, though it was a lost cause..

Lucifer tutted and pet her hair before gripping it in his fist and yanking her head up so she looked at him again. "Where, is, the bunker?" he asked.

Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.

She mustered all her strength to spit in his face.

"Go, to, hell," she repeated.

Lucifer got even more creative after that. Between the cuts he drew across her skin, the torch he used to burn her, and the power clamps he used to shock her, she was struggling to stay awake through the pain. Most of the time, she was unconscious until he splashed water on her to wake her up again just for more pain. He had to have asked her ten times where the bunker was, but she wasn't cracking. She wouldn't crack.

She threw up again, blood coming out of her mouth as well after he punched her in the jaw. "Ready to talk yet?" Lucifer asked, putting his brass knuckles down and wiping his bloody hands on a towel. She let out a shaky breath.

"Bite me."

Anger flooded Lucifer's eyes, and he shook his head as he walked over to her. "You know, Alice," he said, "there are some lines that I never want to cross, but some people are harder to break than others, and I gotta do what I gotta do." He grabbed her by her hips and squeezed them tightly, then moved back to put his hand on her stomach. "Maybe I'll bring another child into this world. Since my son's finally taken a liking to me."

"No," she cried, her facade breaking. "Don't."

"Hmm, finally found your weak spot, huh?" he said, moving his hand down her stomach.

"Stop," she said. "I am begging you."

"Easy," Lucifer said. "Just tell me where the bunker is."

She shook her head no. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

She bit her lip and shook her head no, silent tears falling from her eyes. Lucifer sighed and started unbuckling her jeans. "Believe me when I say," he said, "that I wish I didn't have to do this."

-

Dean was driving faster than he was sure he had ever gone before. He had one hand on the wheel and the other was holding his cell phone to his ear. "I want you contacting everyone we've got," Dean said to Cas who was on the other end of the line. "Hell, you call Sam if you're running short on options! Bobby, Rufus, Jody, Ellen, Crowley, if you have to. I want every person whose number we have contacted and brought along. I don't know if he's alone or if he's got his men surrounding the place, but my only priority is getting her out, and I can't do that if I'm ambushed."

"I understand," Cas said. "I've already informed all of them. As soon as I told Sam what was going on, he wanted in. We'll get her, Dean."

"I'll get her," Dean said. "You all will cover my ass and gank anyone who gets in the way. You understand me?"

"I understand," Cas said.

"Wait outside until I get there, and we'll make a plan."

Dean was at the farmhouse in minutes, and all the others were already there. Dean slammed shut the door of the Impala and jogged over to his people. Sam, Cas, Bobby, Rufus, Jody, Ellen, Charlie, Garth, Eileen, Kevin, Donna, Amara, Benny, and Ketch were there. Dean was genuinely glad they didn't have to rope Crowley into it. He didn't want to worry about keeping him in check when he had much more important things to worry about.

"We scoped the place out," Bobby said. "We're seeing two doors: front and back."

"Her voice was kind of tinny," Dean said. "Gut says she's in the basement. We go in, split up, I go downstairs, we gank any of these idiots we meet along the way. No hesitation. Shoot first, questions later, you understand?" The men and women all nodded, and Dean gave one short nod of confirmation. Sam, Rufus, Ellen, Eileen, Kevin, Benny, and Ketch went through the back door and Dean, Cas, Bobby, Jody, Charlie, Garth, Donna, and Amara went through the front. They crossed into the house, and shots rang out from every direction. Dean clocked three men before making his way through the house to find the basement.

Lucifer froze, mid punch, as soon as he heard shots ring out upstairs. He muttered a quick, "Shit," and grabbed his gun from the table. Alice thought for a second that he was going to shoot her, but instead, he made his way to the basement window. He pushed it open and crawled out of it with ease. She watched him, trying to keep her eyes open. Her head felt heavy and it was pounding like she was at a bad rock concert. All she wanted was to close her eyes again, but when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs, she tried to stay more alert to see what was going on.

When she was able to focus her eyes again, Alice saw Dean running towards her. "Hey, hey," he said, crouching in front of her, putting his hand on her cheek.

"Dean," she breathed out. "Hey."

"I've got Alice," Dean said, putting his finger against his ear as he spoke into the com system. He spoke to Alice and said, "Let's get you out of here." He picked the lock on her chains and caught her as she collapsed. His stomach felt sick as he looked at all the blood she was covered in, not to mention the fact that her jeans were unbuttoned and her underwear was ripped. Dean started to button her jeans back up, but Alice couldn't stand up on her own. Her legs gave out, and he knelt beside her and held her close to him.

"Dean," she sobbed, "I didn't tell him anything. I swear."

"It's alright, sweetheart," he said. "It's alright. You did so good. I'm gonna get you all fixed up now." She shook her head no and put her hand on his cheek.

"I've been bleeding bad for a long time," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She was right. She was bleeding everywhere, and more than he had ever seen after someone was tortured. Her legs, arms, hands, and torso were all covered in blood. She was looking faint, and Dean had to lean close to her to make out what she was saying. "I think I'm-"

"No, no," Dean said. "You're gonna be fine, okay?"

"It's okay, Dean," she said, her eyes fluttering closed. "It's okay."

"Keep your eyes open," he said, tapping her cheeks. It wasn't enough to hurt, but it was enough to get her attention. "I need you to stay awake, okay?"

"I'm tired," she breathed out.

"I know you are," he said. "But I need you to stay awake until we get you to the doctor." He turned his head away from her and focused on talking in the coms. "Cas! Sam! Someone get your ass down here!"

Alice tried again to speak. "Lucifer, he-"

"No, shh, don't talk," he said. "Just focus on staying awake."

"S'important, Dean," she said. "He's trying-" She swallowed and was clearly concentrating hard on what she wanted to say. "He's trying to find the bunker."

"Okay," Dean said, wondering how fucking long it took someone to walk down the fucking stairs.

"No, no, Dean," she said. He looked down at her. "I think he wants to blow it up." His eyebrows furrowed.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. She swallowed again and tried to focus on breathing.

"Says he's gonna blow you off the map," she said, "before you guys get him." She felt tears coming to her eyes again. "I swear, Dean. I didn't say-"

"Sh, sh," he said again. "You did so good, sweetheart. Such a brave girl. My strong, strong girl. You remembered our special code word and everything. I'm so proud of you. You're gonna be okay."

Cas and Sam both made it to the basement, guns raised, only to lower them as soon as they saw Dean and Alice. They ran over to them. "One of you needs to bring the car around," Dean said. "I'm gonna carry her upstairs, so get the door for me."

The men both nodded, and Dean picked Alice up and headed up the stairs. She whimpered a bit at the new position, and he just pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You're okay," he said. "You're okay."

Sam brought the car around, and Dean slid in the back with Alice. He pressed on the accelerator, speeding off in the direction of the hospital. "Stay awake for me, okay sweetheart?" Dean said, kissing her forehead and tucking some hair behind her ear. She nodded but didn't open her eyes.

And she wanted to. She really wanted to.

By the time they got to the hospital, she was out. Dean lifted her up and burst in through the ER doors leaving Sam to park the car. "I need help!" Dean shouted. "Somebody help me!"

Some nurses ran in, and he saw Jody's daughter, Alex, spot him from down the hall. She ran over to them while calling for a gurney to be brought. Dean helped Alice onto the gurney and pushed some of her hair away from her face. "What happened?" Alex asked.

"Uh, uh," Dean tried to focus. "I'm not sure. Some broken fingers. Busted jaw. Some knife wounds. And, and burns. Uh, I'm not completely sure." Dean kept following the gurney as they pushed it away, but Alex stopped him once they got to the doors he wasn't allowed to pass through.

"Dean, I can't let you come any further," she said.

"You need to let me through!" he shouted, pushing past her. A few stronger men came by and held Dean back. "Get your fucking hands off of me!"

"Dean, Dean!"

He turned around and saw Sam running towards him. Sam held him back and pulled him away from the nurses. Dean pushed him off of him but didn't try any harder to get through the doors. He just watched as they fluttered back and forth. His jaw was clenched, and it was doing everything in his power not to punch everything around him. Instead, he sunk to the floor and leaned his back against the wall. He set his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands. Sam sat beside him.

"She'll be alright," Sam said.

"This never should've happened," Dean said. "I never should've gotten this close to her. This was such a rookie mistake, man."

Sam hesitated. "I don't really think it was." Dean looked at him with raised eyebrows. "I'm just saying. You finally opened your heart up to someone again. I don't think that's a mistake, and I don't think Alice would think so either." Dean wiped his face with his hand and sighed. Sam saw how red his brother's eyes were, and he knew it was taking everything in him not to lose it.

"I can't keep putting the people I love in danger," Dean said. "I can't."

"You don't get to make that choice for her," Sam said. "If she wants you, she knows what that comes with. Especially now."

"And if she wants to leave?" Dean asked. Sam shrugged and licked his lips.

"Then you rest everyday knowing she's safe."

Dean sighed. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Sammy."

Sam never thought he'd hear Dean say that.

"So," Sam said, "what do you want to do? Let Crowley take on Lucifer alone? Kill Lucifer and then leave Crowley to his own devices?"

"I don't know, man," Dean said. "Maybe I need the simple life. Settle down. Pop out a few kids. Like you and Jess."

"It's not that easy," Sam said. "I left it with you in charge. Who are you gonna leave it to? Cas?" Dean scoffed and ran a hand through his hair.

"There's no good way out of this for me, is there?" he said.

Sam sighed. "No way out alive."

Dean's usual doctor, Dr. Grandin came over to the boys then, and they immediately got up from the floor. "What's the damage?" Dean asked him. "How is she? Is she okay? Is she gonna be okay?"

"She's fine," Dr. Grandin said. "Still unconscious, but she's in stable condition. We wrapped her jaw, her fingers, and her burn marks. The scars from the knife will likely never fully fade. She's going to be in a lot of pain for a while." He hesitated. "Unfortunately, I can't give you all the medical details without her signed consent."

"We have a deal, Grandin," Dean said, his eyes narrowing.

"And I have a medical license I intend on keeping," he replied. "Dean, I can't break patient doctor confidentiality. If you want any additional information, you'll have to ask her."

Dean sighed. "Can I at least see her?" he asked, his voice cracking. Dr. Grandin nodded and opened his mouth to say something else, but Dean pushed past him. Sam could get all the details. "Room 237!" Dr. Grandin called after Dean.

When he got into Alice's room, he had to clench his jaw to stop himself from crying. He rushed over to her and pulled up a chair, dragging it close to the bed. She looked so small and fragile, and it was his fault. She was there because of him. He took her hand gently and brought it up to her lips to kiss it. "Sweetheart, I don't know if you can hear me," he whispered, "but I'm so sorry. I'm not gonna leave until you're awake, okay? And when you're awake, I'm gonna make sure you're always safe."

Sam came into the room then and pulled up a chair beside Dean. "How's she doing?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," Dean said. "She, she's still beeping." He pointed to the monitor with the hand that wasn't still holding hers.

"Richard's holding up his end," Sam said, speaking of Dr. Grandin, "as usual. I wouldn't worry."

"I'm never worried about Richard," Dean mumbled. He was still looking at Alice, as if the harder he stared, the more likely she'd wake up. He had made a deal with Dr. Grandin a long time ago: he patches up any bloody body Dean brings his way, Dean doesn't kill him. This saved them from working with sketchy doctors in dirty basements.

The door to the hospital room burst open then, and Christine walked in dressed in her scrubs. "Shit," she said, running over to Alice's side. Dean and Sam both stood up and gave her space. "Shit, shit." She looked at Dean and Sam, anger filled in her eyes. "What did you do to her?" she screamed, slapping Dean's chest. "This is your fault!"

Dean tried to calm her down. "Christine-"

"She told me who you are," she said, "and I warned her to stay away! I told her what would happen! And she ignored me! Said you loved her and that you'd always protect her! But you didn't!" She continued to pound her fists against Dean's chest, and he just let her. Sam was the one who gently grabbed her arms and pulled her away from his brother. She broke down into tears, and Sam allowed her to cry against his chest.

"Doctor says she'll be okay," Sam said, rubbing Christine's back. "Just some scars." Christine sniffed and nodded, then pulled away from Sam. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and turned to Dean again.

"She has been hurt enough," she said, her tone cold and serious, "but I know her. I know she'll fall right back into your arms. She'll listen to your reassuring words, and she'll believe everything you say." She poked his chest. "But if you ever, ever get her hurt like this again, I will go to the cops so fucking fast. I know all about your bunker. All about your plot against Lucifer. All about everything. And I keep my mouth shut because it's not my business. Because I don't want to get roped into your shit. Because I love Alice, and she asked me to leave it be. But I swear to god, Dean. She's my sister, and I'd do anything to protect her. Even if that means sticking my neck out and winding up on the mafia's radar. Do you understand?"

Sam raised his eyebrows as he looked over Christine's shoulder at Dean. If anyone were to speak to Dean this way, they usually didn't live to see tomorrow. He was dangerous. He could grab his gun and pop Christine right between the eyes without even flinching. But Sam didn't see anger on Dean's face. He saw guilt. The elder Winchester just clenched his jaw, licked his lips, and nodded at Christine. "I'm so sorry," Dean said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I never meant for this to happen." Christine's hard expression didn't shift.

"I'll tell her you stopped by," she said to him, "but you need to leave."

"Please," Dean started to say, "I can't lea-"

"I'll say it one more fucking time," Christine said. "Get the hell out of this room."

Dean sighed but obliged with a nod. Sam looked at him, silently questioning the decision, but when Dean walked out without another word, Sam knew to keep his mouth shut.

----- ----- ----- -----

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Messy After Story

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, ANGST

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: really sad fucking shit, talks about suicide attempts, drug addiction, alcoholism, talks about death, jealousy and insecurities

Features: contraceptives, smidge of a size kink, grinding, face riding & face fucking, sex tapes, choking, sex toys, anal fingering/fucking, thigh grinding, double penetration, creampies, rough fucking, trying some new shit and being kinda awkward and weird but also having some kind of slutty conversations

Word Count: 17.6k

A/N: ok this is the last one I promise😉 this is really fucking angsty and I teared up at some parts writing it so sorry in advance. Also there's a lot of smut. Like 6.5k worth of smut/smutty conversations. Also, i’m going to edit this in a little while so don’t @ me if you see mistakes. I’m gonna fix them probs tomorrow. I’m just tired.

Messy Masterlist  Other Stories   Johnny Only Masterlist

I didn't talk to him. For weeks. I couldn't. I was so angry. So hurt. So devastated. He didn't tell me where he applied to, must have been because he was running around so much for his gallery and all that shit. But a fucking heads up would have been nice. I didn't see him off at the airport. I tossed his shit in a box and kicked it to the back of my closet. I cried. I screamed. And at last it wasn't anger anymore. It was hurt. It was pain. It was missing him every. Single. Night. The pain was beginning to swallow me whole and I had no idea what else I should do, or could do. He was halfway across the country and I wasn't in his arms anymore. My pillows were tear stained, my floor covered in snot filled tissues, leftover wrappers, and dirty clothes. Everything was harder without him.

I sat cross legged in the middle of my bed as I chewed on my thumbnail and stared at my phone in front of me. I had reopened all the unanswered texts he had sent me. The "baby, please talk to me," the "baby, I'm sorry," the "princess, daddy needs you. Please." I couldn't cope enough to give him an answer. But now...now I felt too empty. I snatched my phone and dialed his number. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that I could feel the blood rushing to my ears. It went to voicemail. I dropped my phone and covered my face, preparing for another round of tears. My phone vibrated against my leg and I saw his number flash across the screen. I answered it instantly and for the first time in a long time I heard his sweet deep voice. It felt like a warm blanket had been wrapped around me and I sighed.

"Eri." He said sharply.

The blanket disappeared. "H-hi…"

I heard him chewing on something then swallowing. "What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"Why are you calling me?"

"I can call my boyfriend, can't i?"

"Am I your boyfriend?" The questioned stunned me. Of course he was. Why wouldn't he be? We didn't break up we just…

"Y-yes?" My voice trembled. "Yes. Yes, you are."

"Hmm." He chewed again. "Didn't feel like I was."

"I was...upset."

"Yeah, no shit."

I wanted to fucking cry. He didn't even seem to care at all. "I m-miss you. A lot. And I...I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Oh, now you want to?" I heard him cover the phone and call out to someone, though it was all muffled. "You can do it only at your convenience?"

"I just want to see you. Can I see you?"

"You're gonna fly here? And who's gonna pay for that shit? You're gonna make Quinn do it?"

The tears started to fall again, as quick as a waterfall in a rainforest. "N-n-no. I can do-do it on my own. Do you want me t-there?"

"You're crying."

I stopped talking for a moment, knowing that my voice was going to jump a few octaves and turn into an indecipherable squeak.

"Eri."

"Y-yeah?" I sniffled and wiped my nose with my shirt sleeve. Now it was his turn to stay quiet, save for his fucking chewing. "What in God's name are you eating right now?"

"Shrooms." He swallowed.

What? Like…? "You mean-?"

"Yeah, so anyway, I don't know if you should come here, you know? Seeing as how you didn't talk to me for basically a month and now you're thinking it's okay to call me in the middle of a party and make me feel a bunch of shit. That's pretty cool right? That's pretty fun, right? I'm gonna hang up now."

The line went silent and so did my entire world.

--

I pretended to smile when I was around Quinn. I pretended that I was supportive of Johnny and so happy for him. I only cried when they were over at Jae's house. I hadn't let them in my room and see what a disaster it was. It was closed at all times. I tried my best to keep up my facade and hoped that Johnny had too. If Jae knew anything it would fuck everything up and all would have been for naught. I didn't know how to ask him or if I really even should. Maybe I was keeping up this glamour for myself. So I could pretend that everything was fine and lie to myself instead of Quinn. Maybe it was all for the sake of my sanity.

I had found a slightly better job and quit the Italian restaurant. This one paid more and all I had to do was sit as a desk and listen to people complain about their orders and why it wasn't there on time. It was annoying to take so many calls a day and even worse for my fucking mood disorder. Hearing these people whine fucking drove me up the wall and I chain smoked every lunch break to try and keep it together. I couldn't lose this job. Because it paid so much more than I was used to I was finally able to set money aside. My savings account was looking pretty decent and that was why I wanted to go see him. I could afford to and maybe we could talk it out.

I was on my fourth cigarette since I got home and a quarter into my bottle of bourbon when I got a call. I wasn't really paying attention to who it was, i just answered when I heard the buzzing. "Yeah?"

"Hey."

It was him. I fumbled and almost spilled my paint cup that was filled with swirls of reds and purples. I managed to stop it from falling over and ruining the current piece I was working on. I kicked the canvas away gently and wiped my hands on my already paint covered thighs. "U-uh...um...h-hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just uh…" I swayed a little and leaned back against my bed to support myself. I was starting to get the spins. "Just chilling in my room. Why?"

"Talk to me."

"Are you high?"

"Not right now, no." His voice sounded raspy, as if he had just woken up.

"Where are you?"

"My bed. Where are you? Oh...wait. You already said that."

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Are you?"

"No."

"Me either."

He cleared his throat. "'m sorry about last night. I was at a party and-"

"Since when have you started doing other drugs?"

"Hm? Oh...I mean...it wasn't the first time. I've done it before."

"And you never told me?"

"It was before we met. Don't worry about it. You still drinking?"

"Yeah, I'm still fucking drinking." I scoffed.

"I know. I can hear it in your voice. You're getting there."

"Yeah, well...shit happens."

"You really want to come here?"

"Do you really want me there?"

He took a deep breath and went silent again. "Yes."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"I can be there. I can ask for time off. I have enough vacation time."

"Come here. Come to me. Be in my arms. Be on top of me..." He exhaled slowly. "Kiss me."

"It still hurts Johnny."

"I fucking know that already. Trust me."

"Have you told Jae about what's going on with us?"

"No, not really. Told him I've been busy. That I love him. That kind of stuff."

"I haven't told Quinn. I kinda just...pretend."

"You always pretend."

"And you don't?" I snapped 

"Of course I do." He chuckled. "We always pretend that everything's okay. And that's when we tip back a drink or smoke and destroy ourselves together. Don't you remember? That night after we fucked...we just sat against the wall of the bedroom and drank half a bottle of whiskey and just laughed about shit. I got high and you smoked like half a pack. And then I ate you out so good you came twice."

I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. I hadn't expected him to say that, to bring that up. "I laughed so hard and cried until I had a mental breakdown."

"Yup. And what did we do after?"

"You wiped my tears and fucked me again and I held onto you so fucking tight because I didn't want you to let me go."

"I remember the scratches. Those weren't orgasmic scratches. Those were in pain scratches."

"I know." I sniffled and punched the side of my thigh over and over so I could redirect my thoughts to not crying.

"Come here. I want to have another night like that with you."

"That was a bad night Johnny…"

"It was and it wasn't. The bad stuff makes us closer and we understand each other better."

"I don't want a bad night. I want a good night. I want only good night's with you."

"We'll have good night's. We will. We'll talk about shit...that's what you want right?" He asked.

"You need to want it to johnny!"

"I do want it! Don't fucking yell at me! I mean I'm fucking asking you to come here. What else do you think I want?"

"Fine, I'll fucking get a ticket tonight and I'll go for like a week."

"Fine. Fucking sounds good to me."

"Fine!" What the hell was happening? We're we mad about seeing each other or not? I laid down on the floor and set the phone down, putting it on speaker. My head was hurting so much and now I had to ask for time off and plan everything by myself. "Can I come at any time or do you have to ask for time off?"

"I can get a couple days off. The rest I might have to work but you can sleep in and I'll be back by the time you wake up. Maybe come on a Thursday and leave on a Wednesday? I don't work weekends unless there's an event and I don't have a weekend event for a bit."

"Ok, I'll ask my job and I'll buy the ticket as soon as I know."

"'mmkay. Sounds good."

We were quiet again and I hated it. "I guess I'll talk to you later." I said, bitterly.

"Okay...if you wanna. I love you, yeah?"

It was the first time I had heard him say it in a long time and it made my heart clench and I started crying again. Goddammit, I could fill a fucking ocean with how much i cried for this man. I went back to hitting my thigh to try and distract myself from it. "I love you too."

"Do you want to...stay on the phone with me, maybe? I haven't heard what's going on with you. You haven't really posted on IG or anything in awhile."

"I don't want people to really look into my life right now. I've been kind of a recluse… You're...partying I guess."

"Ehh, kind of. Every once in awhile. I still have to keep my job right?" He chuckled. "It's been um...really rough without you."

"Yeah I...we...yeah…" He cleared his throat again and I heard him sniff a bit. "Johnny don't you dare."

I heard his voice crack and that was the end. We were two fucking cry babies thousands of miles away from each other and wanting to give up everything just to be together. I wanted to make it work with him. I loved him too damn much to give up now.

--

I was nervous when I stepped out of the airport. California had a weird vibe to it and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not yet. I could deal with cities, hell I lived in one for like half my life, but this was weird, even for just an airport. I looked around trying to find Johnny from the directions he had texted me. I felt so lost and was ready to call him until I saw him looking around as well. "Johnny!"

His head whipped around and a big smile beamed on his face. I ran to him, almost dropping my luggage because I really didn't care anymore. I just wanted him. He gave me a monstrous hug and spun me around, squeezing me as tight as he could. I almost couldn't breathe. His arms felt so much stronger, especially when I grabbed onto his biceps.

He set me down and cupped my face to kiss me hard, before I could even say anything. I had almost forgotten how warm and soft his lips were and definitely got harshly reminded of how much his tongue filled my mouth. Jesus...why did he feel so much bigger? "A-ahmm...j-johnny u-um…"

"Hmm?" His hands were already grabbing at my hips and I pawed him away.

"We're in public, you slut."

"Sorry, sorry. I couldn't help it. You-" He stopped mid sentence and looked me over. I stood up a bit straighter unsure of what he was looking for 

"What?"

"You're skinny."

"Excuse me?"

"Like skinnier. You were kinda chubby before I left."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"No! I mean, like, it's not a bad thing I just-! Like you look hot! I mean you looked hot before too but-"

"Stop fucking talking before I get on that plane and go right the fuck home." I growled.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. That came out all wrong. What I meant to say was that...you look beautiful."

"Yeah that better be what you meant to say, asshole." I punched his arm but shook my knuckles out immediately after. Why was it so damn hard? Now it was my turn to give him the once over and I realized he was bigger. Definitely more filled out and muscular. His pants were straining at his thighs, like usual but even more so. His arms were more defined and he looked like he could throw me against a wall and I would say thank you. I could clearly see the veins in his arms and I was ready to die right there. "O-oh…" was all I managed to squeak out.

"What? Wait are you checking me out now?" He laughed. "You think I'm fat?"

"No…" I shifted, a bit self conscious of myself now. "You're hot, like always." How many girls had tried to hit on him since he moved here? Ugh, I never thought of something like that before. I wasn't really the jealous type...was I? Well...maybe a little.

He picked up my luggage and put an arm around my shoulders. "Cmon, we've got to check into the hotel."

"Hotel? Why aren't we just staying at your place?" I asked.

"Uh...well...I just wanted it to be special you know? Just me and you."

"Oh you have roommates?"

"Sorta…"

Suddenly I was staring in front of an ugly ass blue van with rust stains on the bottom and scratches along the doors. I was even more surprised when Johnny shoved a key into the lock and slid back the door. I peeked in as he set my luggage behind the passenger seat and saw a mattress in the back, a tension rod holding his clothes up on the opposite door and all his tech stuff hidden beneath the back seat. Curtains covered most of the windows and there was a huge bag of laundry behind the driver's seat. "Ready?" He asked.

I looked at the van then at him then at the van again. "Are you living out of your fucking car?"

"No, well...yes and no. Not entirely. Rent here is kind of ridiculous and I promised jae I would still pay my half of the rent for the apartment while I was gone. So I pay for that, the car, the insurance, my gym membership so I can work out and get ready in the morning there, and then sometimes I stay at my friend's place when I need to cook or do laundry. Hence the...hotel." He cleared his throat and shut the door quickly. "Well, let's get in."

I couldn't believe this. He went all the way to California for this?? What the absolute fuck? He opened the door for me and I stepped in without another word because I knew that if I talked I would say something I would regret. He got into the driver's seat and cut the engine on, leaving a trail of exhaust fumes behind us. He held my hand and stroked his thumb across the back of it, still smiling as he drove  "Are you hungry?"

"No, not right now. Maybe we can order something later? I'm a bit jetlagged." I lied.

"Yeah, whatever my princess wants."

I felt my cheeks flush a bit when I heard him say that. It was different in person than over text and it still made me shiver. I looked over at him as he drove one handed. He was still so heart stoppingly gorgeous and even though I had a bunch of questions and irritations about the van I realized that wasn't what was important right now. I was with my Johnny and we were trying to make things right again. That was what was most important. I gave his hand a squeeze and closed my eyes, letting him take us to where we needed to go. When we got to the "hotel" however, I found that it was just a generic motel chain and not anything remotely nicer. It was a bit of a let down and I tried not to be too materialistic but damn if I didn't want this to be a little more special. He opened the door for me and got my luggage out. We went to our room which was just a small ways from the car. The inside was plain, brown, white sheets on the bed. Nothing spectacular. He went back to get his own bag and lock the car before both of us were in the room, alone at last. 

I kicked off my wedges and sat on the bed which seemed a little too hard for my liking. We were quiet for a moment. I was too busy staring at my feet dangling off the bed to notice that he was now in front of me, pushing me down gently and crawling on top of me. "Hey." He whispered as he pushed my hair back and ran his fingers down the side of my face.

"H-hi." I looked at him then drove my eyes away.

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"I want to do a lot of things to you." I confessed.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" He teased before placing soft pecks against my lips. "Tell me."

"Um...can I just go freshen up a bit?" I squirmed away from him and wiggled myself off the bed. 

"Um...ok. Are you alright? Do you not want to?" He reached his hand out to me and I just patted it awkwardly.

"No I do I just...give me a couple minutes, ok?"

"Sure, babe…"

I grabbed my luggage and sped to the bathroom, almost a hyperventilating mess. I was so nervous! Why the fuck was I nervous? He's my boyfriend. He's seen me every which way. He's put me in all sorts of positions. We've made so many messes and yet...my stomach was churning and I was getting butterflies just thinking about him being so much bigger than I was and looking down at me. It just reminded me of our first hookup almost an entire year ago. Jesus, we had known each other for a year? I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. Ok, just...get ready for a sexy night like normal. You can do this Eri.

I took a quick shower, washing just the important parts and making sure not to get water on my face. I didn't want to do my entire makeup look all over again. Once I was done I brushed my teeth, reapplied some of my makeup and made sure I smelled like a yummy dessert with the perfume and lotion I put on. I was constantly wondering if I was doing too much but it was whatever. I was going to make sure he was reminded of what had been waiting for him back home. I slipped on my new half shelf bra that barely held me in and his favorite garter and thigh high set that had to be washed so many times because of how much he came on them. I gave myself the once over and made sure I looked ok before cracking the door open slightly.

He had pulled his shirt over his head and I could see every dip and ripple of his back muscles as he worked to undo his belt and shuffle his jeans down. I had to squint just to be sure but it looked like he was wearing red silk boxers. This whole nerd. I fussed over myself one last time before opening the door completely. I had expected him to still be standing but he was sprawled out in some cheesy "sexy" pose with a plastic rose in his mouth until his jaw dropped. "Oh my god, what are you doing, you dork?! Where's you get that flower from?"

He spit and wiped his mouth. "It was in the vase over there. I think it had dust on it. I didn't realize and...wow."

"Why are you such a dummy?" I crawled onto the bed and sat beside him, blushing still. "So...what do you think?"

"I can't think. What is thinking? Boobs." He made no point in hiding his staring.

I shoved his head away playfully. "Idiot. Yes, my boobs are here for you to look at."

"Touch."

"Yes, that too. Oh my god." I grabbed him by his chin and tilted his head up for a kiss. "I missed how much you make me laugh."

"I missed…" He grabbed my thighs and pulled them from beneath me so he could take his place above me again once I fell onto my back. His hands joined mine and pinned them beside my head. "Everything about you."

"I have a few rules for tonight." 

"Oh? Is there something you don't wanna do?"

"The opposite. Your rules are that you have to make me squirt, you have to choke me, you have to let me ride your face, you have to AT LEAST finger my ass, and if you do all that you can cum in me every time."

His eyes went wide. "Ev-every time? You'd let me do that?"

"Yeah, I took some extra precautions."

"Like what?"

"Well one, I just got my new birth control implant in so my arm doesn't fucking hurt anymore and two I got spermicide film."

"Yah what?"

I rolled my eyes. "Basically it's something I put on the inside and it kills the sperm on contact. So no cretins running around. We just have to wait a bit for it to dissolve but that's what foreplay is for, right?"

"Mhmm…" He licked his lips and started pressing kisses down my neck. "You're fucking amazing. I can't wait to fill you up so damn good."

"Eww don't say that." I giggled and smooshed his face away then rolled over onto my stomach beneath him. He instantly set his bulge against my ass and ground into me.

"Wait do I really have to finger your ass?" He said in between kisses across my shoulders and down my back.

"It would be nice since you still haven't done it yet. And I told you it's not "icky" like you think it is."

He groaned. "Ok, if I do it you swear I can cum in you?"

"Absolutely promise, love. I even bought toys to help you out. I mean, you love my ass so much why don't you play with it?"

"Ok, ok, fine. I'll agree to it. But just this once."

"Trust me, you'll want to do it again." I smirked as backed myself up against him, rubbing over the front of his boxers. "I like the silk by the way. Super cute."

He groaned and gripped my hip roughly, pressing into the spot that always drove me wild. I let out a small whimper and shoved my face into the mattress as my body felt tingly all over. "What toys did you bring?" I could hear the smirk in his voice as he continued to grind and keep his weight on top of me.

"U-um, just a vibrator, some lube, and a-ahh! Hmm...a dildo. Some other stuff."

"Why the dildo?" He nipped at my ear and traced his tongue over my lobe.

"I thought maybe if you didn't want to um...fuck me there I could just play with it."

"Your ass, you mean?"

I gripped the sheets tighter and rocked back harder against him. He hadn't let go of my hip and I was already getting flushed all over. "Uh-huh."

"How big is it?" He worked me onto my knees and spread them as wide as my hips would allow. His fingers had all the access he wanted to work up and down my slit, feeling the wetness that had just begun to form.

"U-um like...7 inches or-" I shuddered and wanted to snap my legs shut when he teased my entrance with a small poke. "S-so…"

"You can take all that there?"

I nodded. "I've done it before. I just need a little bit of help is all."

"And that help is me stretching you open?" He dipped the entirety of his finger inside me now and I bowed my back, hissing slightly. "Why are you so needy right now?"

"Well I haven't had sex since you left. Why the fuck do you think I'm needy? Aren't you the same?"

He didn't answer me and instead thrust his finger in deeper. "You're so small, you know that? You look extra tiny right now."

"We get it, Suh, you have a size kink." I grumbled and tried to move back on his finger but he pulled it away.

"You gonna behave?"

I pouted and gave him a glare. "Don't you dare tease me. That's not part of the rules."

"Let me implement some of my own rules then. One, I get to tease you all I want and I mean taking hours just to lick and kiss you everywhere and not letting you cum at all. Two, you let me face fuck you. Did you bring that spray stuff?"

I scoffed and looked away. "Tch, yeah...or whatever."

"Good. Three, let's make a movie."

I shot up entirely and shoved him away. "WHAT?!"

"Don't make it a big deal. It's just for you and me only. I'm lonely without you here and I can watch it when I miss you the most."

"It is a big deal! Don't you remember what fucking happened to me?!" I yelled.

"Yeah but I'm not stupid or an asshole. I'm your boyfriend. I don't even want anyone to look at you sexually let alone see you naked or getting rawed. I'd be furious. This is just for you and me."

"N-no...i-i don't know, Johnny. If we break up i-"

"We're not breaking up...I thought we were but I'm glad we're not." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my shoulder. "It's not getting uploaded anywhere. It's going on my password protected photo app. No one can get into it but me. I swear, Eri."

"What if I want to stop it?"

"Then we stop it, duh. There's no reason to keep going if you're uncomfortable. We can at least try it for a bit. We're both doing new things tonight. We can celebrate."

"And if I don't like it, you'll delete it right?"

"You can delete it from my phone yourself. You're safe with me babe. Trust me." He held me tighter and nuzzled his face against against my neck.

"I'm nervous…"

"What? Don't be! It's just me, princess. I make you feel good, don't I?" I nodded meekly and played with the band of my thigh highs. "We can get going for a bit then I'll turn it on so that way you're really feeling it. Sound good?"

"O-ok." I agreed, still a little reluctant. But he was right. Maybe we could at least try.

"Good," He laid down, stuffing pillows behind his head and beckoning me over. "Come here, angel."

I shuffled over to straddle him, setting my knees on either side of his head. I propped my hand on the wall and looked down at him as he licked his lips. His arms wrapped around my thighs and held me in place. His face was buried against me in no time, diving his tongue into me as his nose brushed against my clit. I sucked in a sharp breath and let my other hand fall into his hair. "J-johnny, fuck...I missed your tongue."

He only hummed against me and flicked his tongue faster, slurping lewdly and licking up the length of my slit. His hands slid up and down my thighs, over my hips and stomach, and towards my chest. He grabbed each of my breasts and squeezed, rubbing his thumbs over my nipples. My fingers fisted his hair and pulled as I needed him more and more. I rocked my hips against his face, already feeling the effects he had on me. He parted for just a moment to take in a breath. "Just a sec."

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's ok. I'm fine now. You taste good. I want more."

"Shut up. No I don't. You're just say-" I gasped as he devoured me further. He caressed my body, hands flowing back down so his thumbs could spread my lips apart. The tip of his tongue painted intimate patterns into me, making me shudder and moan his name loudly. I didn't care anymore if I was loud or not. I needed this like it was my own personal drug. My toes dug into the mattress as I rolled my hips faster, getting closer to falling over the edge. He pulled away again and I figured he needed more air but instead he pushed my hips downward, making me rest over his boxers. "What the hell?!" I pouted.

"Grind on me."

"I was about to cum."

"Didn't I say that I get to tease you without making you cum at all? Now start." I huffed and slid his boxers off, revealing the girth underneath. I worked my hand over the length, wrapping my fingers around his shaft and giving him a good squeeze. "Not what I asked for."

"Fuck off." I hovered over his cock and planted my hands on his chest before I rode my wetness up and down from head to base. His eyes closed and his head fell back into the pillows, his whole body relieving itself of tension. I loved watching him sink into bliss; seeing that shit eating grin on his face because he knew he was getting what he wanted. He settled his hands behind his head and chuckled a bit as my hole brushed over the most sensitive part of him. I teased him by sinking down onto his tip, just a few centimeters or so, before sliding back down and never letting him enter me. Johnny knew that I would tease him just as much as he would tease me. Two could always play that game of course.

I pressed my chest to his, lowering myself just close enough that I could lick his lips. I swiped my tongue across his bottom lip and he easily let me in. Our tongues collided and I drew his in to suck on deeply. It morphed into deeper kisses where I could scarcely breathe and we would exchange licks and sucks in the dirtiest ways. One of his hands grabbed the back of my head while the other grabbed my ass, controlling all of my movements. I was his to fuck, his to play with, and his to love unconditionally. I managed to break away from him for a moment, panting against his lips. "Do you want to be inside me now?"

"Hmm, in a bit. Let me get my tripod. Get up."

Oh right. That. I scooted off him and wiped my lips that were still tender. I could taste myself on his tongue and wondered why he liked it so much. I unhooked my bra and tossed it aside before heading back to the bathroom where I had left my luggage. I dug through my clothes and pulled out all the naughty things I had brought with me, taking them back to the bed. His phone was all set up on the tripod ready to go.  "Tell me what I should do first." I propped myself on all fours, waiting for his answer. 

"Better get the spray out." He smirked.

"Of course, you slut." I spritzed a bit of the numbing spray into my mouth, wincing at the overly strong peppermint taste. "Blegh. It feels like toothpaste down my throat."

"Well hopefully my dick will make it better." He tapped record on his phone and told me to come to the edge of the bed. I was just at the perfect height for where he wanted me and I opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out. His gripped his base and rubbed the head of his cock against my tongue, swirling it a bit. I wrapped my lips around him and suckled on the sensitive area and the soft curse he let out warmed every inch of my skin. I set my hands on his hips and flowed back to grab a hold of his ass to steady myself.

He thrust into my mouth, slowly at first, getting me used to the stretch within my lips. Every few minutes or so he would push in further until he touched the back of my throat. It was a slightly uncomfortable feeling but I didn't gag thanks to the spray. Instead he remained nestled in for a while until he looked down at me. "Ready?"

I was already thinking about how sore my throat was going to be tomorrow but I nodded against him. He gripped the back of my head with both hands and pulled out slowly before plunging straight in. I dug my nails into his skin as my nose brushed against his lower stomach and he destroyed my throat. He didn't let up on his speed and I struggled to breathe through my nose. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt tears already prickling at the corners of my eyes. He fumbled through obscene curses and almost incoherent mumbles, the pleasure of my mouth wrapped around him seeming to drive him insane. I tapped on his hip, signaling to let me go. He pulled out completely and I worked to clear the saliva between us.

He dragged his thumb across my lips to clean me up as well. "You okay?" I nodded and swallowed hard. "You sure?" I nodded again and pulled him back to me, opening my mouth for another round. "Good girl."

My body lit up at the praise and I held my head a little higher, squaring myself and gripping the edge of the bed. He worked his way back in, feeding himself into me and wreaking havoc on my taste buds. I managed to look up at him and realized he had been staring down at me the whole time. I darted my eyes away though he tapped my chin to get me to look back up. His big hand was suddenly engulfing my throat and added accompanying pressure to the point where I felt light headed. "You look so good like this, you know that?" I heard him say. My body was almost swaying and I tried to keep my frame firm but it wasn't any use. My eyes fluttered closed and I leaned into his hand until my breath was non existent. "Eri?" My hearing was fuzzy but I felt myself wanting to smile, whether I was doing it or not, I didn't know. The feeling of not being able to breathe and floating into an unconscious space was always thrilling but I was ripped from me just as it started getting good. 

He pulled back again, letting his grip on me fade and I took in a large gulp of air, falling into a coughing fit. He walked away from me to go to the mini fridge within our room and get a small bottle of water. He handed it to me and I took it graciously, downing it in seconds. He stopped the recording and sat down beside me. "You good? You looked like you were going to faint or something. I got scared."

"I'm okay, I just got lightheaded."

"Fuck, it was too much then, wasn't it?"

I leaned against his shoulder and giggled. "No, I like getting lightheaded when I'm being choked."

He scoffed. "Of course you do. Don't scare me like that though, ok? Maybe were not completely ready for the face fucking." 

"I'm sorry, baby. I liked it, I really did and I didn't think I would. It's just kinda like another form of choking." I nudged my head just under his chin and rubbed his broad chest. "Maybe we can try again a little later too?"

"It was pretty hot. You looked so damn good." He licked his lips then kissed me briefly before commanding me to lay down. He made me hold my legs open while he retrieved the bottle of lube from the small pile of things I had brought over. I watched as he added a small glob to his fingers and pressed it to my rim. "I guess we can start this now."

"You sure you're okay with it?" I asked, not wanting to force him to do anything he didn't want to.

"I might as well try it. I mean, I never thought it was really hot or sexy but you are so maybe I'd like it. You think it would make you squirt?"

"I've never done it with just anal but maybe if we add some other stuff it might. It'll be fun to find out." I grabbed his other hand and folded my fingers into his, giving the back of it a chaste kiss.

He returned the kiss to my stomach and took a deep breath. "I have to go slower, right? Like it'll hurt more if I don't?"

"Right. It's just like fingering me regularly just a little more cautious. You'll be ok." I assured him.

"What if it feels gross?"

"Oh my god, Johnny, it will not feel gross. I swear."

He scrunched up his nose and didn't move. I sighed and set my legs down. "You don't have to do- OH WELL OK THEN!" I felt him press into me, his fingertip wiggling its way inside.

"Keep your legs open, dammit."

"Ya could've warned me!"

"You wanted me to do this anyway so hush!" I reopened my legs and noticed that he was blushing through his face of deep concentration. He was even poking his tongue out a bit. It was cute but now I was a bit afraid of how thick his fingers were."How many do you want in here?"

"Three usually works. But not all at once!"

"I know that! Just calm down! You're making me feel weird." I kept quiet then, closing my eyes and trying to relax around his finger. He let my hand go to gently brush his thumb over my clit, letting me focus on that sensation until his entire finger finally poked through. "Huh."

"What "huh"?"

"Kinda feels a bit weird. Not like a normal vagina."

"Well duh," I said. "Probably because it's NOT a vagina??"

"Eri, Jesus Christ." He slammed his lips against mine then in order to keep me quiet as he started to slowly thrust his finger. 

"You're being a fuckboy again." I said in between a few kisses.

"No, I'm just being me. We can be weird and casual in bed." He nipped at my bottom lip and curled his finger gently. "Am I doing it right?"

"Y-yeah," I wrapped my arms around his ribcage and nudged my thigh between his legs. "Feels nice. You'll need some more lube for the second one though."

"I know." He swallowed hard and pressed his cock against the fabric of the thigh highs, beginning to rub against it. "Just give me a sec...fuck…" That always got him going; a begging and needy prince that wanted to fuck my thighs and grind against them until he made a mess. It had become my favorite thing for us to do just because I loved his change in demeanor. He was hiding in my neck, whimpering slightly and kissing me in the softest of ways. I pushed his hair back and encouraged him not to forget about his finger deep inside me. He had stopped as he had gotten distracted with his grinds that were gradually getting faster.

"You know you're not allowed to cum this way, no matter how much you want to." I whispered.

He nodded and sunk a small bite into my neck. "I-i know b-but-!"

"No but's Johnny. You know the rules." He had the biggest pout on his face and I couldn't help but giggle. "Someone's a little submissive."

"I am not submissive. I just like cumming on your thighs."

"But do you like cumming inside me more?" It was like he was weighing the pros and cons of each situation, never before encountering it. He opened his mouth to speak then shut it, his brows furrowing again in thought. I smirked and grabbed the bottle of lube and dangled it in front of his face. "While you're thinking it over how about you get to work stretching me more."

He sighed and snatched the bottle from me, pulling out his finger then adding lube to them both. He was even slower as he tried to pry in again. It had been so long since I had done this and I was too tight for comfort. It was going to be some time before I opened up full. The fingertips did eventually get in, making me gasp and mewl like a kitten in heat. I arched up, pressing my thigh against him harder and sliding my hand down my body to thrust inside my wetness. "Damn, is this what you're like every time you do anal?" 

"Shut up...I just kinda like...um...both holes filled at the same time."

"Ooohhh. Is that your fantasy?"

"To get fucked by two guys and eat out a girl at the same time? Yeah. I mean if you would've went with the foursome idea at christmasssss..."

"Hm." He shoved his fingers into me fully making me cry out.

"F-fuck! Johnny! You asshole!" The stinging pain was somewhat strong but the masochist in me wasn't running away from it. They were working faster, curling against the tightness and scissoring me open. I held onto his wrist, making sure he was pinned in place. I didn't want him to leave, I couldn't bear the thought of him stopping just to tease me again. I was pumping my own fingers into myself faster, my breaths war torn and ragged. He was grinding harder against my thigh, rubbing against the mesh and bringing moans out of him so deep that I wanted to scream. I fucking missed this so much; making him moan, whimper, beg, pant. Everything. It just brought me back to how much his voice made me quiver with orgasms since before I even met him.

"I need you, Eri. Now."

"Just a little more. Please. I want you too but just a little more!" I bit down on my lip as my other hand grasped the sheets between us. He was peeved that I wouldn't let him inside me just yet but by the way he was throbbing and leaving a wet patch on the fabric between us I could tell he was enjoying the show. He edged another finger inside me and we matched three for three. Both sets of fingers filling me had my holes clamping in eagerness to cum. The edge of my palm brushed against my clit while his thick fingers curled deeper inside me, circling against pleasure points and spaces that reawakened after so long. And then he pulled away and shoved my hand aside. "God fucking dammit Johnny!!" All he could do was laugh and I wanted to punch him in the chest. "Really?!"

"Yeah, you're hot when you're sexually frustrated." I watched him leave me to tap the record button again. He then returned to prop himself against the wall, his lap welcoming me to sit on it. He patted his thighs and I crossed my arms, my lips in full pouting mode. "Hah! Don't give me that shit. You want it bad. You're not gonna be a brat for long. Get over here, Eri."

"No! You're being a jerk!"

"You wanna cum don't you?" I glanced over as he said those words lower and definitely more enticing. His hand was wrapped around his cock and adding slow strokes to his shaft. His tongue poked out to graze his bottom lip and I hated that he was trying to win me over. I couldn't resist the way he looked when he had his legs open like that, hair sticking slightly to his forehead, and his broad chest heaving slightly. Droplets of precum slid down onto his fingers as he gave his head a squeeze, hissing as his teeth sucked in air. "Princess...come here."

Oh fuck you. I caved in and straddled his lap, lowering my gaze to his length. I set my hand over his and guided him towards my entrance, slowly sinking down until he filled me completely. We stood still for a moment, almost in shock at how amazing it felt. It was way different from when he wasn't feeling sexual when he first started his meds. We got to be intimate on other levels and though I craved him I was still mostly patient and comforted him. This was months of sadness, anger, hatred, pain, and heart wrenching love that had culminated into a burst of sexual frustration and passion all at once. I didn't need anything but him. In fact if we stayed holed up in this shitty motel the entire week I think I would be able to survive off his kisses alone.

"Move, for the love of fucking god, move." He begged. He was just as desperate as I was and I gave into his command before he even finished his sentence. I held onto his shoulders and worked through the burning in my thighs to bounce quickly. Feeling him plunge deep and fill me with every inch of his girth was a gift I was more than happy to accept. I noticed him fumbling his hands behind me but barely gave it any thought. I was too entranced by chasing my pleasure and hoping he wouldn't pull away again. That was when I felt something poking at my rim. I gasped as he pushed it through, stuffing me with the dildo in an act I'd never thought he'd do.

"B-baby, w-wha-what are you-?"

He gripped the back of my neck and growled against my lips. "Fuck yourself on them both."

I swallowed hard and nodded, switching my movements to swift rolls of my hips so I could catch both cocks on a heated rhythm. Johnny moved the dildo faster, almost as fast as his hips were snapping up into me now. I cupped his jaw and landed sloppy, half met kisses to his lips which he reciprocated with bites and licks to my tongue whenever he could. I was a literal mess and at his mercy. His free hand tore into my ass cheek, creating half moon indentations in my skin. I heard a thud then and realized his head had collided with the wall as he tried to move it back. "Ouch! Shit."

I giggled in between pants and cradled his head. "You're always knocking your head on something when we fuck. Are you ok?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, just keep going. I'm an idiot."

"My idiot." I gently rubbed the back of his head and held him close to my chest, setting my other hand against the wall. I mewled as my skin seemed to break with how rough he was digging his teeth in but it was fucking beautiful. With how much he had teased me and with all the sensory overload he was providing now, my orgasm was quick to come. When I rolled my hips, my clit would rub against his base and added to everything that was destroying me. That little motion was enough to have me dousing his lower stomach and thighs with my cum that gushed out in heavy spurts. My hand flew to cover my mouth and stop my scream from bursting through. It was so intense, too intense even, and I scrambled to pull away from him as my body curled up and I felt trembling aftershocks.

I could only curse and bury my face into the bed, my fist ripping the bedsheet from the corner of the mattress. Johnny hovered over me, tossing the dildo aside and trying to pry my legs open. "Nonononono." I whimpered as I was still too sensitive. I didn't want him to drive me into another orgasm that soon. I didn't think my body could take it. But he was inside me again, my hands pinned by my head as he slammed into me. I could barely look up at him but he was hovering over me, casting a shadow against the ceiling light and somehow seeming much bigger than before. "I love you…" He gasped out. "Cum with me this time."

I sure as hell would try. My walls were weak and anything could send me over the edge again. I closed my eyes as I felt him throb then stutter, a warmth filling my belly and simultaneously flowing out of me. I felt tears prickling at my eyes as my second flow of cum spread onto the sheets beneath us. He collapsed onto me and I held onto him so tight as the tears finally fell. My mind was a sea of emptiness. No thoughts filtered through and I just wanted to stay in this moment with him forever. I closed my eyes and let our heartbeats slow down until our breaths steadied. "God…" I whispered. "That was…"

"All I ever wanted and more." He pushed back his sweat drenched hair and gave me a small kiss. "Are you crying?"

"Oh." I wiped my eyes quickly. "Not sad crying. Like it was just a lot at once and it felt so good. I don't know. It just...happened." I laughed.

"Weirdo." He smiled. "Oh shit, the video." 

"Shut it off." 

"Well I don't wanna pull out yet."

"Fine, just shuffle with me until you can reach it." We looked stupid scooting our bodies close to the edge of the bed just so he could stop the video and take his phone off the tripod. I sighed as he sat back and made sure my legs were wide open.

"This is why I didn't want to pull out yet. I want to see it drip out of you." He held the phone above me and I rushed to cover myself.

"That's embarrassing, you giant pervert!!"

"No it's not! It's so damn hot. Please? Pleaseeeeee??" He covered my face in silly little kisses, trying his best to convince me.

"What is up with you suddenly becoming a porn director?!" I grumbled.

"I told you, it's because I miss you and I can only think about you when I jack off. But with this I can see us together and it will be so much more intense when I cum. I can see and hear how good I made you feel. The sounds you make are something else."

"O-oh…" My face flared up as I hadn't expected him to say all of that. "You are so lucky I love you more than anything. And I know you would raise hell if anybody else saw me like this. Fine, pull out."

I heard the beep of the video begin and covered my face as he moved. I felt his cum flow out of me, more so when I clenched my pelvic floor to push it out. He let out a deep moan of satisfaction and used his thumb and index finger to spread my lips apart, making me even more flustered. "Are you done yet?" I mumbled behind my hands.

"No." He dragged his fingers through his cum and nudged my hands away. "Open." I kept my eyes closed but opened my mouth, taking in his fingers that rubbed the bitter musk over my taste buds. He spread his fingers across my tongue, pinching it slightly before plunging to the back of my throat. I winced and moved my head away. The numbing spray had worn off and I wasn't into vomiting all over my boyfriend. He pulled away and stopped the third clip. "Damn."

I sat up and sighed. "Can you clean this up? I don't really wanna move."

"Yeah, I got you." I adjusted myself to lay down on my side of the bed while Johnny plugged his phone in to charge and gathered up the things we had made a mess on. I was already drifting into sleep, not even really caring about how sticky I was. "Is there anyway to clean a dildo without it feeling like you're jacking it off?!" I heard him call out from the bathroom.

"No!" I responded to his stupid question before turning my head away from the bathroom and falling asleep.

I woke up in the middle of my deep sleep after having the weirdest dream ever. I hated when I had dreams like that because I could never seem to get back to sleep until hours after. I sighed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, pouting at my now awakened state. Johnny was spooning me, arm wrapped around my torso with his hand on one boob as usual. That I didn't mind that as much as i did his erection jabbing into my lower back. He was dead asleep too, I could tell by his snoring. How he managed to get hard while not even being awake, who knows. Maybe he was having a more pleasant dream that I had. But he needed to move if I wanted to be comfortable at all again.

I nudged my elbow against him and removed his arm from around me. "Johnny." I whispered. "Move over."

Nothing.

I sighed and whispered a little louder. "Johnny! Move over." I tapped his thigh, hoping to get his attention but all it did was make him grind into me. This man never stopped. "Johnathan. Please move."

He grumbled and nuzzled between my shoulder blades before pressing me onto my stomach. I huffed and turned my head to the side so the pillow wouldn't suffocate me. "Boy, if you don't get off me-" I gasped sharply as I felt him enter me, his head popping through instantly. "W-wrong hole!" I squeaked.

"Fuck...why is it so tight?" He rasped, voice still laced with sleep.

"You're in the wrong place!"

"Mhm-hm. It's where I wanna be."

Did he just…? Was he…? WHAT? "A-are you sure? You never liked this like ever be-" My words were taken from me as he sunk in deeper. I was still somewhat stretched out from him using the toy on me earlier but this was even heavier and thicker than that measly thing. He raised me to my knees and rubbed his hands all over my body.

"Was dreaming 'bout you."

"I-i can tell. U-um…" I was blushing hard as one of my fantasies with him was finally checked off the list. "Do you like it?"

"Not sure yet. Can I move?"

"Yes, please."

He pulled out slowly and sunk back in, testing the waters and gauging how we both felt. I was still in shock but craved more and I wondered what was going through his mind. Why did he have a sudden change of heart? Just wanted to explore? Maybe he liked what we had done earlier? Or perhaps he was doing it because he wanted to make something up to me, like leaving, in a way. Whatever it was this change of heart was giving me pleasure in a way no one had made me feel before. He held onto my hips tightly and soon I heard the familiar slapping of his hips against my ass. I closed my eyes again and let him take over and figure out what he liked and didn't like.

"Open your legs more."

My thighs already were still sore from earlier but I wiggled them apart as he pressed his hand firmly against my lower back. He wanted that deep feeling of being in my stomach and drawing moans out of me. It was one of my favorite things to do with him and it made my body tremble. "Baby...shit…" I mewled. "It's good. I told you it's good."

"Hmmm... Can I cum in here too?"

"Yeah, whatever you want. Do whatever you want to me, love."

"I like the sound of that." He pressed my hips back harder, slamming us together and taking me back to a whimpering mess. He reached over and clicked on the bedside table lamp. "Wanna see you." I didn't even protest and let him marvel in the way he was stretching my ass open. I was too wrapped up in how good it felt to even care. He pressed his chest to my back and nipped at my ear. "I wanna see you fuck yourself this time."

"A-ahh...with the dildo?" 

"Yeah." He moaned against my ear. "Fast. And. Deep." He landed each word with harsh thrusts that I could feel in my stomach. I noticed he had set the clean toys on the bedside table and I reached out for the dildo, shuffling it between me and the bed. Johnny sunk his teeth down onto the back of my neck just as I pressed the toy into me. My favorite sensation was back and I was thrust into a place of bliss and heightened senses. He controlled the speed of my thrusts for a moment, making sure I knew how he wanted me to fuck myself. I almost couldn't take it but he made it even worse when I heard the whir of the small bullet vibe I had brought. It was deadly in his hands, especially since he kept it firmly against my clit. I wanted to crumble beneath his weight but he wrapped his arm around my waist and linked his ankles over mine so I couldn't move an inch. I was trapped beneath his big body, helpless and begging for my release.

"That's my babygirl. You're doing so good for me." He cooed. I buried my face into the pillow, blushing at his sweet words. I was already flustered and he was making it worse. "Do you wanna cum for me?"

"Y-yes daddy." I said meekly.

"I know, and I want you to squirt again. I want you to cum so hard. So sensitive and overstimulated that you collapse and cant take anymore. I want that."

He worked the bullet into small circles which made my toes dig into the sheets. His hand that was around my waist slid down to cover mine, controlling the speed of every single one of my pleasure points. With both his hands between my thighs and his cock stuffed inside me, I gripped the pillow between my teeth, clenching hard as my body came full force for the third time that night. I felt my cum flow over my thighs and his hands, pitter-pattering onto the mattress. My nails clawed at the walls as he let the dildo go but kept the vibrator on me, keeping up the relentless torture. I screamed a chaotic monologue of "Daddy! Please! Daddy please!!", begging for him to ease up on my sensitivity but he didn't. Instead his hips drove all the way home, pounding harshly and creating an infestation of tremors throughout my entire being. Finally, the bullet stopped and dropped by my knee. 

Both of Johnny's hands were on my hips again as he chased his own orgasm, breathing hard in between growls and moans. I brought my hand to rest on his, squeezing my fingers against him tight. His cum rushed into me then, warming me like he had done before and making me feel absolutely full. He let me lower myself to the mattress and caved on top of me again, resting his head by mine. "Was us fucking always this amazing? I mean like yes but also like...this is some next level shit." He chuckled. "Eri?"

"I'm so tired, you asshole."

"Well I know your asshole is tired. Pretty much got plowed into oblivion."

"Uh, yeah, so...what was that about?" I asked curiously.

He huffed, trying to blow some of my curls away from his face. "I don't know...just...guess I should try stuff before I say I don't like it. I never found it sexy but your ass is perfect. It was like suffocating. Only with you babe."

"I feel so special. And also like I wanna die. I need to shower. I'm so sticky but I don't think I can move."

"I'll help you. Hold on." He slid out of me slowly, leaving my hole gaping and dripping with his cum. "Fuck…" he breathed. "I could watch that all day."

"Jooohhnnnyyyy!" I covered my head with the pillow, wanting to disappear forever every time he stared at my openings like that.

He tossed the pillow away and helped me sit up gently. "I just like teasing you."

My big pout didn't last long because he scooped me up in his arms bridal style and carried me to the bathroom. I held onto him tight, almost in disbelief. "Well damn daddy, just bench press me."

"Knowing you, you'd like that." He set me down gently in the shower and joined me before drawing the curtains and turning on the water. "I'm so glad you came, baby." He set his head on top of mine and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"I am too. I just want to be with you. No matter what."

--

The next morning (or afternoon, I wasn't really sure) I woke up with almost every inch of my body aching. My ass hurt, my legs hurt, all the bite marks hurt, my throat hurt. Having sex with Johnny was like getting hit by a freight train and trying to pick yourself back up from the aftermath. On top of that I was so damn hungry. I rolled over slowly and hit an empty spot instead of the warmth I expected. I felt around, trying to figure out if I was missing something before opening my eyes. He wasn't there. I sat up and looked around, perplexed as to where he went. "Looking for me?"

My head swiveled when I heard his voice. He was coming out of the bathroom, pulling his shirt over his head. "How ya feeling?"

"Like death." I croaked. "Where did you go?"

"To get you breakfast and a chai latte to try and make your throat better. I got your favorite. Strawberry pancakes, eggs, sausage, and chicken nuggets."

"Fuck yeah, nuggies." I giggled a bit and reached out for the latte. I definitely needed it to soothe my throat.

He tossed off his jeans and brought the bag of food to sit between us. I curled up against him instantly and nuzzled his shoulder. "Let me guess, you want me to feed you?" I nodded and gave him puppy dog eyes. He rolled his own and opened the containers cutting up the pancakes and feeding them to me. "I wanted to take you out later on if you're up to it?"

I chewed a bit then swallowed. "Take me where?"

"Shopping and stuff. We've got big malls here. Figured you'd like all the makeup stuff."

"Oh yeah? You gonna be my sugar daddy or something?"

He scoffed as he ate one of the nuggets. "More like generic store brand sucrose father."

I laughed and kissed his cheek. "You know you don't have to buy me anything right?"

He shrugged. "You just seemed kinda disappointed in the hotel and my car…"

"Well...I am, I mean I was. I just expected you to have more since this was your big internship, you know?"

"Yeah...well I like my van. I can go wherever I want and not have to be tied down. I've traveled along the coast and to different cities already. It was like this place was made for me. There's so much to do here. It's better then our college town."

"Right…" I said rather sadly.

"Babe, you know I do miss you. I don't want to be away from you and that's not what im trying to say right?"

"I know...I know. Let's just not focus on that right now I guess."

"I still wanna take you shopping. Get you looking all cute and shit. I'll carry your bags and all that." He fed me another bite of pancakes. "Is that ok?"

I felt bad. I didn't want him to think that he had to do this for me, especially not spend money to make me feel happy. "Johnny, I'm sorry about the van and the motel. You don't have to buy me anything. I don't want to be a materialistic bitch. That doesn't matter to me. I can stay in bed with you all day."

"Shut up. We're doing it. It's not just shopping. I can show you around too. You have to at least do other stuff on your vacation than just fuck me. Even though I'm about it."

"Ok, ok, sucrose father." He gave me a laughter filled kiss which I returned with hidden intentions. I swiped my tongue along his bottom lip and cupped the back of his neck.

"Mhm...baby...you want something." He said, seeing through me instantly. "Aren't you sore?"

"Not all that." I eased my way into his lap  "Just wanna warm you. That ok?"

"Hmm...only for a little bit."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, settling my center over him. He held me close too and guided my hips to grind smoothly over him. I avoided his lips so we both wouldn't get too worked up, just enough for him to nestle  inside me and stay there for a little while. "Did you wanna do this this morning?"

"Yeah but you left." I pouted.

He swiped his thumb over my lip and I took it into my mouth, sucking gently. "I got you food didn't I? I made it up to you."

I laid my head on his shoulder while keeping his thumb in my mouth. I hummed a little response and lifted my hips for him to guide himself in. He pressed the head of his cock against my entrance and I sunk down slowly, wincing a bit at my tenderness but the feeling of him inside me made me all cozy and gushy with lovey feelings. Johnny scratched at my head gently and turned the TV on low, not minding me wanting to fall back asleep. "If you don't want to go shopping today, we can do it tomorrow. But my friends are also having a party tomorrow and I'd like it if you met them."

Blegh, socializing. Socializing with my boyfriend's friends. Socializing with people that weren't that great because he only had one good friend. I sighed internally and tried to gauge if I could really take in that much anxiety in one day. Probably not and I would be suffering the entire time but I would do it for him. I would do anything for him.

--

I squeezed Johnny's hand tightly as we walked up the stairs to this ridiculous baby mansion. I had never seen a house this huge before but I guess it's what happened when you were California dreamin'. There was way too many people already and I clung onto him tighter as my breath sped up. The music was way too loud and when I tried calling out to him he didn't hear me even though we we're right next to each other. So I continued to follow wordlessly as he did his social butterfly shit. He was saying hi to people he never mentioned to me and making his way through the crowd until he found a couch for us to sit on. He sat down and set me beside him, his arm loosely around my hips. About a dozen people were circled around us and a few people stared at me including this gorgeous girl who sent me a small smile. I straightened up a bit as I looked her over. She had beautiful skin, a little darker than mine, and braids going all the way down her back with some pink synthetic hair mixed in. She had the coolest punk vest on, all decked out in patches, studs, and distressing. I wanted to ask her about them but my social anxiety was making me shrink away.

Johnny didn't seem to notice our exchange at all. He was too busy laughing at something someone said before he got passed a joint. I rolled my eyes and propped my elbow on my knee, setting my chin in the palm of my hand. "You gonna be social or pout all night?" Johnny asked as he exhaled smoked.

I waved it away instantly. "I am being social, I'm here aren't I? Also you know I hate that stuff. Don't blow the smoke around me."

He rolled his eyes and took another hit before passing it onto the next person. "I would like you to at least talk a bit."

"And what you you like me to say Johnny? That I'd rather be in the hotel? Maybe grinding on you until you begged to be inside me? Do you want me to tell them that?" I was getting snippy because of this atmosphere. I never should've agreed to come but I didn't think it would be this bad.

"Don't be a smartass."

"I'm not. It's the truth."

He looked over at me and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "You need to behave and I mean it."

"Or what?" I challenged. "It's a lot for me to take in at once, ok? You of all people should fucking know how anxiety works."

"There's nothing to be anxious about. It's just a party. We gone to parties dozens of times. It's the same thing."

"It's not…" This was like some fashionista bullshit. Like high roller drugs and top tier liquor everywhere. All sorts of people dancing around through flashing lights and thumping music. It was overwhelming and I was uncomfortable seeing people snort coke off of tables or toss back unknown pills. I didn't know how Johnny could stand this either. This exact environment was the one that got him roped into trouble. I knew it affected him so why wasn't he showing it?

"Just chill and talk. These are my friends and it's important that everyone gets along."

And what if I don't like your friends? I wanted to scream. Why did I have to be friends with your friends? Were your friends the ones acting like fools and looking geeked out of their minds. I sure as hell would've thought you'd be smart enough to not be friends with them either. "Fine." Was all I actually said. "I will try."

Johnny turned away, releasing his arm from around my hips to distract himself with someone else. I was hurt that he seemed so intensely peeved about me feeling this way. He was acting brand new, as if I, as if HE, didn't have social anxiety. He handled his differently. He partied more and I got angry before I got drunk. I was in the angry phase currently. I was about to call it quits right then and there when some guy got close and asked me a question. "So you're Johnny's friend?"

"Friend?" I scoffed. "I don't think "friend" is the right term."

"Ohhhh, so like a fuck buddy thing?"

I was totally confused. Had Johnny not introduced me as his girlfriend? I looked over at him for a second, wondering if it was just a miscommunication error or something he blatantly didn't want people to know. "No, were not fuck buddies. We're together."

"Johnny never told us he had a girlfriend. Did you just start dating?"

I grit my teeth and tried my best to stay calm. What the hell? Why hadn't he told them? Did he want to feel single over here? Did he want to fuck other people while I was at home crying over him? I was fuming.

"Kylo, chill with the 20 questions bro." Johnny laughed. "We're just here to have a good time."

"Sorry! I was just curious! I mean, she is pretty cute after all." Kylo said with a wink in my direction.

Johnny just laughed. He didn't get into his usual jealous or dominating role. He fucking laughed. Who was he right now? We had just had three days of paradisal bliss and now at some party he changes into someone I don't know. I wanted to flirt with this Kylo guy to really test Johnny but  I also wasn't in the mood for whatever karma would come of it. I crossed my arms over my chest and avoided them both. Instead my eyes landed on the beautiful girl who was chuckling. She mouthed something that looked like "he's wack" and nodded towards Johnny.

"That's for damn sure." I said in agreement. She laughed louder, a really sweet and airy sound. I loved it and could feel myself getting flustered. I didn't know why- well I did. It was because girls made me crumble to my knees faster than any man could. But I shouldn't have been acting this way. It just seemed wrong. Suddenly a shrill voice cut through the high strung atmosphere and before I knew it some girl was draped over Johnny's lap and kissing his cheek.

"Johnny!" She practically squealed. "I knew you'd be here!"

At first I was shocked. All I could really do was take in her incredibly expensive, diamond encrusted bracelets, her Yves Saint Laurent tiny purse, and her chanel sunglasses perched atop of overly processed blonde hair. She was just a little miss Paris hilton who was way too comfortable with my man. He let her hang onto him, even putting an arm around her shoulders. Was it really fucking social if I snapped someone's neck?

"Cassie, babe," He joked. "What are you on tonight?!"

"A little coke, a little molly. Just the usual combo."

"Ugh I fucking hate molly. Never again."

Yeah because that's what you took the night you got assaulted and now you're hanging out with someone who does this on the regular? Nothing made sense. Was he even thinking? Also, what was this 'babe' shit? I was the only one he called that!

"I know, I know! Don't worry. You can just have some Percocets and chill for the night. You're so wound up and tense!" She laid her head on his shoulder and looked up at him with doe eyes. I felt the rage building in my fist and I was dead set on punching her in her fucking designer face.

I pushed Johnny back against the couch and leaned into this chicks face, grabbing her shoulder roughly. "Hi I don't think we've met." I growled. "But you need to get your hands off my-"

She gasped, completely ignoring my anger and not taking me seriously. She reached out a manicured claw to try and touch my hair. "Your curls are so pretty! Oh my god! How do you get them to be so nice?! You know I tried a perm once and-" 

I gripped her wrist and yanked her twig like arm away from my head. "Don't. Touch. My. Hair." It was the one thing I absolutely hated. Strangers weren't allowed to touch my hair. Barely anyone was allowed to touch my hair. It was my sacred crown that I took pride in and I'd be damned if little miss cokehead was going to touch it.

"Eri, what the fuck?" Johnny said harshly as he pulled her wrist from my grasp. I glared at him in disbelief. Was he actually defending her?

She rubbed her wrist and held onto him. "Johnny! Why is she being mean?!"

"Oh I'll fucking show you mean." I got up and made a grab for my gauges, ready to square up and get charged with assault. I gave zero fucks right now. I suddenly felt a hand gently wrap around my arm, tugging me away from the situation. "Come walk with me." The beautiful girl from before said. Since Johnny was too fucking busy coddling the bimbo I decided to go with her. I felt a sense of calmness when she touched me, like a connection had suddenly been formed. We moved away from the party altogether and made our way outside to pretentious garden area that was filled with dozens upon dozens of flowers and plants, with a fountain, swing set, and gazebo in the middle of it. 

I was shaking, violently so. I dug my hand into my purse to pull out a cigarette from the carton. I set it between my lips and went to light it but I couldn't keep myself steady enough to ignite it. I was two seconds away from tossing the damn thing when she unfolded my tense fingers and took the lighter from me. She cupped her hand around the flame as it burst forth, making sure the wind wouldn't extinguish it as it caught the end of the cigarette.

"Thank you." I said as I took a deep drag.

She slipped the lighter back into my purse, so smoothly that I barely even noticed.

"So you're Johnny's girl?" She asked in a voice that was a bit husky contrary to her laugh.

"I guess barely! What the fuck is his problem? Who is that chick?! I swear to god! I'm about ready to slit her throat! Why didn't he tell anyone that I was-"

"Hey," she cupped my face gently and I instantly shut up. She smiled down at me and rubbed her thumb against my cheek. "Johnny's an idiot. All he does is hang out with Cassie's drugged up ass so he can score free drugs himself. Then Kylo's a fucking douche that gives him all these shrooms and shit. There's barely a time when were all hanging out that Johnny isn't high. Don't sweat him, chica. You could do way better."

"W-wait you mean he does this continuously? What does he take?" My heart suddenly halted from insane race car speed to devastating crash.

"So far I've seen him do shrooms, weed, percocet, acid. Maybe he does more. I'm not sure. But that's what I've seen."

Suddenly I didn't want to be here anymore. Not just at this party, but not in California and certainly not around him. He left me for drugs, a rusted van to live out of, and some bimbo that was making him an addict. "G-great...just what I need right now. That's exactly what I need right now. I came all the way here to try and make us better and he just makes everything worse. It felt so good before...what the fuck is happening."

"So dump him. What the fuck do you need a man for? Come over to the lesbian side, were much better." She teased.

"Oh," I looked up at her for a moment. "I mean, I'm not straight. I'm pretty gay, trust me." I said.

"But you're dating Johnny?"

"And? I'm still gay. Well queer. Honestly it would take me 87 years to explain my labels but the short version is I fuck anyone and I romantically want anyone. This time around it happened to be him."

"Ahh...well the invitation still stands to join us again. Start off with something way better than that jerk, honestly."

I raised an eyebrow and almost coughed on an inhale of smoke. "Are you like...flirting with me?"

"If it's working then yes, if it's not, then no." She smiled. "I'm Aaliyah by the way."

"I'm Eri...I haven't had someone flirt with me in awhile." I laughed a bit nervously. "I mean Johnny doesn't count."

"Nah, nothing he does counts…" We were quiet for a moment but I hated it because it kept me in my feelings. Thankfully she started back up again not long after. "So, you don't live in Cali do you?"

I shook my head. "I go to school on almost the other side of the country. Johnny graduated and took an internship here, got up and moved, and didn't really warn me. We've been rocky ever since. I thought it was getting a bit better. We didn't leave our hotel room for two days and I'm still sore but I guess sex can't fix anything. I mean I knew that but it kinda always did for us."

"Nah, it's just a bandaid for the problems. I would also recommend completely punching Cassie in the face."

"Why'd you stop me then?" I asked.

"Don't need another sis locked up in jail. Rather have you free and without a record. Trust me, I've wanted to deck her myself plenty of times. She thinks she's amazing because she's rich and can afford all this wack shit. She's got a big problem though. She's high on the daily and no one will get her to rehab."

"I can put her ass in a coma and then she'd really detox." I said as tapped out my ashes.

"Your hair is really beautiful by the way." She said, diverting my anger. "But you're not a damn poodle or something where she had to try and pet you." Aaliyah commented.

"Yeah, I get that all the time. Especially because my hair takes up space. I get old people staring at me, little bastard 13 year olds taking snapchats or whatever of me at the store, and white girls trying to touch me without permission. Can I get Solange Knowles in here please?"

"I know exactly how you feel, especially with my braids. Sometimes I just whip my head around real fast to hit someone with them and they can leave me alone."

I smiled and took another drag. "That's a mood. Why can't people understand personal space?"

"They think people like us were meant to be ogled at, ever since we got pushed onto podiums for sale in the slave trade."

"Ain't that a bitch." I sighed and didn't realize I was leaning in towards her until my shoulder brushed against her arm, which she put around my waist.

I left her arm there, not really sure of what I should do. She was really pretty and super cool but I was with Johnny though he was currently acting like an addict who didn't have a care in the world for me. A complete 180 since yesterday. I felt sad and angry all at the same time and really wish I had someone to comfort me since it felt like I was alone in this battle. "I'm sorry to kind of dump this on you. We just met and i'm telling you about all this bullshit with my boyfriend and-"

"Its fine. I wouldn't mind making you feel better. Just tell me what you need."

Ok, definitely flirting and maybe propositioning me for sex? She leaned in, setting both her hands on my waist, and smirking down at me. "U-uh...a drink would be nice. I like drinking."

"Yeah? I can do that for you. What do you like, babydoll?" Aaliyah said.

"Anything dark."

She smirked. "I could tell." She placed a kiss on my cheek that caught the corner of my mouth a little too closely. "I'll be back in a sec."

Aaliyah left then, retreating back inside the house and leaving me to sit on the swing set. I was trying hard not to cry. Iwnas even trying hard not to text Quinn. Hearing their "I told you so's" right now may not be for the best. Their anger would also trigger mine and I would end up as a giant mess. I snubbed the last of my cig into the ground and crushed it beneath my strappy sandal. What the hell was I going to do?

I wiped away the few tears that were starting to spill over. I wanted to go home now. I stared down at my phone and texted Johnny. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't pretend I was alright at this party now that I had all this newfound information about him. He needed to explain himself and I didn't want it to blow up into a big argument in front of total strangers. He didn't answer back right away, leaving me impatient and more anxious. Aaliyah came back then and handed me a plastic cup. "My special concoction. Drink up."

I tossed it back without another though but regretted it when I felt the sharpest and fiery burn. "Ughh fuck!" There was rarely a time where alcohol made me flinch but this was a disaster. "Jesus, woman, what the hell is in this?"

"Don't worry about it." She said, tipping the cup back again. "It'll get you buzzed easily." Well that was exactly what I needed. I wanted to get stupid drunk. Like walking disaster drunk but I didn't trust her enough yet to do so. "Better with a bit of alcohol in your system now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess...I asked Johnny if we could just head out."

"You need a man's permission to go somewhere?"

"No, not like that. I mean he drove us here. I don't know my way around here. It's not permission, just...you know."

"Like I said, forget him. We can hang out and chill. Where do you wanna go, hm?"

I scooted a bit away from her, suddenly feeling that moment of calmness wash away. She was being way too friendly and flirty but... should I even try and make Johnny jealous? Would that even do any good? Everything was making me second guess myself. I just wanted everything to go back to being normal. Suddenly I felt her lips on mine which yanked me from my thoughts immediately. My eyes went wide and before I could even raise my hands to push her away I heard Johnny screaming my name. He had stormed over to the swing set and split Aaliyah and I apart. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

Before i could even answer Aaliyah butted in. "She can do whatever she wants."

"THEY don't need to kiss you and they sure as hell aren't going to sleep with you!"

Aaliyah rolled her eyes. "Well THEY seem to need a bit of loving since you'd rather be up Cassie's ass."

"That isn't true! Cassie's just clingy when she's high. It's nothing like that. Eri, get over here."

"You didn't even push her away…" I said. "You just let her hang onto you. You can go on being her druggie boyfriend if you want."

"What? What are you talking about?" Johnny asked, confused.

"You know exactly what I mean. Aaliyah told me about all the shit you're taking. You left me for drugs, some shit van, and partying all the time. Is that what you really wanted? To get away from me?"

Johnny glared at Aaliyah then looked at me. "Come here. We need to talk."

"I'd rather just drink." I whispered.

He tugged me towards him but Aaliyah yanked me back. "Let her go Johnny."

"No, you let them go! They're my girlfriend and we need to talk. Let go."

"Dont pull on me! Either of you!" I dropped both their hands and held my own close to me. "I'll just...i'll just go with him for now and maybe I can come back later or something?" I was giving her false hope of course, but some part of me, amidst confusion, did want to see her again.

She rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her vest. "Yeah, sure."

Johnny grabbed onto my arm and pulled me away quickly, taking me back to his van. "What the hell are you talking about? Calling me a druggie?? What did she put in your head?"

"She didn't put anything in my head. You're smoking more weed, dropping acid, getting geeked? What the fuck johnny? You had come so far and you're just turning back to who you used to be."

"That's not true. Just because i've tried some stuff doesn't mean i'm a drug addict. How could you say that to me?"

"Because-!" I yelled. "I don't want to date someone like that. It's only time before you try something even harder then i have to find you in a tub with a needle in your arm!"

"Eri, what in the hell are you talking about?! I'm not planning on shooting up heroin or something!"

"Yeah, sure. You can get all you wanted from that stupid bimbo."

"Cassie's a cokehead. She just needs someone to help her." He argued.

"So taking drugs with her is the answer? What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me! Im only 24! I just want to have fun!"

"Well you can have fun without me! I came all this way to fix what we had and you don't care. You don't care at all. You didn't care about leaving me behind. You haven't even said one thing about your internship. You just...you wanted to get away from me. What did i do johnny? What did I do?" I was getting choked up and trying not to cry over him yet again.

"Eri, you didn't do anything. I want new experiences, I want to travel, I want to see the world. I don't want to be cooped up in a boring ass college town. I cant stay there waiting for you to graduate. I needed to do something and this was a good opportunity for me to get out."

"So if you wanted to leave why did you even fucking want me to be your girlfriend?! You said you wouldn't hurt me! You promised, johnny! You! Promised!"

"I'm not trying to hurt you! I just need you to let me spread my wings a bit. It's not like i don't want to be with you. I love you. So fucking much. I'm glad you're here. I want you to be with me."

"Why? So you can fuck me and then ignore me?"

"No! Because-" he sighed and ran his hand over his face. "Even though i want to explore you still keep me grounded. You keep me from going crazy."

"Not really since you're doing all these drugs and partying. How is that being grounded?"

"Why are you so focused on that?! I don't get it!

I slammed my fist against the side of his van. "When you find your fucking uncle overdosed in a bathtub when youre 7 you'll see that drugs arent fucking my thing. And if you try and kill youself in a bathtub you'll spend every second that you're cutting your wrist feeling just like him. Thats why im fucking focused on it Johnny. I didn't even like the fact that you were a pothead when I first met you. That you still are one! But i kept on. I looked past that because i saw you for who you were but i can't look past this."

"Fuck…" He stepped closer to me and I curled away, holding my stinging hand.

"Dont. Just dont…"

He grabbed a hold of me anyway and pulled me to his chest, giving me a hard squeeze. "Babe...i-"

"You called her babe." I snipped.

He exhaled deeply. "It just slipped."

"No it didnt. Dont add liar to your list."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it was a big deal."

"You don't think anything is a big deal. Do you even want us to be together anymore? Tell me truthfully. Its only been 5 months, Johnny, almost a year if you want to count us fucking around." I shoved him away and glared up at him. "Tell me."

"I…" He pushed his hair back and looked away.

"Oohh!" I laughed as my voice cracked and tears started to fall. "So thats how its going to be? All that shit in the back of your car meant nothing then?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"Your hesitation said it all. Just…take me back to the hotel. I'll see if I can get an earlier flight to go back home."

"No, no, no! Please don't go back home. Eri, i want to be with you. I want to. I want to."

"You want to? Then fucking act like it, Johnny Suh. I dont have time for fucking little boys that want to play games. I want a real man that can own up to his shit and treats me like i'm important. I want my daddy to take care of me and make me feel safe, not make me have to worry about what he's doing states away."

He leaned down and set his forehead against mine. "I want to make you feel all that. Just dont leave yet. I can't have you leave. Will you stay?"

"I don't know. Just take me home. And don't ever bring me to one of his high roller Beverly Hills movie ass parties again. Ever. I mean it."

"I won't, baby." He took my sore hand in his and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles, giving it a gentle massage. "Let’s go back." I got in and crossed my arms over my chest, staring out the window. He got in as well and started up the engine, beginning the semi lengthy drive back. He tried reaching over to set his hand on my leg but I pulled away. "Please don't be like this…"

"Like what? Pissed off?"

"No I mean...just like let me at least try and make it up to you."

"How you gonna do that? Hmm? You would have a hell of a lot of making up to do."

"Let me try. It's the least I can do."

"Fine. Whatever."

We stayed quiet and I closed my eyes, wishing that this whole trip was over. A few tears were still falling down and I left them there, wanting him to see the suffering he caused me. I sniffed a bit and tried not to turn my breath into a hyperventilating mess. The drive seemed too short for us to be at the hotel and when I opened my eyes I saw we had arrived at a beach. Beaches seemed to just pop up whenever you needed them here. I liked that at least about this place. Everything was deserted and the end of the parking area matched up almost perfectly to the sand. "Did I say take me here?" I snapped.

"I know it's not the hotel but I know the beach is your favorite place to be. I’ve messed it up at that beach party last year, and I messed up tonight's party so I was hoping that maybe this would work.”

"Yeah, you messed up the beach. The literal place that is my sanctuary and make me feel close to home. Good job."

He shut off the engine and crawled into the back of the van, opening the back doors. "Can you come here?"

I looked back at him. "What for?"

"Just come." He extended his hand and I reluctantly crawled around the back seat to sit on his mattress, both our legs dangling over the edge. Outside I could see the stars much clearer and the sea breeze was crisp against the overwhelming heat of California. I was thankful to not sweat at least for a moment. "I never meant to hurt you or make you cry, Eri. It wasn't my intention at all. You mean the world to me but we're so intense it can be overwhelming sometimes. And it is true. I did want to get out of our stupid college town. It had nothing to do with you but rather with me being sick of that fucking place. I've been there for years and it drove me crazy. It wasn't to run away from you."

"The internship in of itself," he continued. "Is not exactly what I wanted it to be. I get assignments and stuff but it isn't the exciting stuff I want to do. Mostly I'm in the office doing desk shit and editing photos. I don't mind the editing I just," he shrugged. "It's not thrilling but it'll look good on my resume in the future. As for the drugs...I'm sorry about your uncle, I really am. I'm sorry about how that affected you when you tried to commit suicide. I don't make good decisions. I never really have. Drugs are like my escape. It's nice not to think about shit sometimes. I don't do it nearly as much as Aaliyah made it out to be-which by the way she definitely wanted to fuck you."

"Oh, I know."

"Were you...gonna do it?"

"You're asking me if I was gonna cheat on you?"

"I don't know...I don't think you would've but I know you basically hate me…"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't hate you. Don't be a damn baby. I wasn't going to fuck her. If she tried anything I would've shoved her away just like any man. I want my boyfriend. I just felt lonely. I wanted some comfort…"

He pulled me closer to him and set my head on his chest. "I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel like I love you. I want you to tell me anything and everything. I'm there for you and I fucked up...if you want me to, I can stop doing drugs. Maybe not weed-i got my med card here- but everything else I can."

I sighed and wiped away the leftover tears. "I'm just scared. I've had that feeling since I was a kid. You said you wouldn't do something harder but that's what they all say. Then it gets worse and worse. I was really close to him. He and my mom got into a lot of fights but he cared about me. I didn't know it was bad, I mean, I was just a kid. How was I supposed to know what drugs were? I don't want you to end up like that. I know it seems impossible but it just...haunts me."

He kissed the top of my head and took my wrist in his hand gently. His thumb rubbed over the scar that I tried to hide with tattoos. I never thought he noticed. Maybe he had noticed all my scars. I had tried to tattoo over them all but some were fresher than others. "I can see why and I don't blame you. If I stop taking drugs will you stop drinking? We can get sober together…"

"I can try…" I sad rather sadly and unconfident.

"How much do you drink a day?"

"Never enough to get drunk but a buzz is fine. Couple ales or wine coolers, maybe a bit of brown liquor. Like a fifth of the bottle? Whole bottle lasts me about 5 days or so."

"Christ…"

"Guess I'm a hypocrite, huh?" I came to that pathetic realization all too late.

"No. I don't have that trauma that you do, seeing your uncle and all. But that doesn't mean that I want to lose you to drinking either. Do you still go to therapy?"

"Yeah and get my meds changed but it's been a little...bit worse since you left. Not that I want to put that on you but it's just been happening."

"You can take one of my shirts back if you want. I know it's not much but I know you like them."

I nodded and clung to him, not sure if I completely forgave him but finally feeling like we were at least connecting again. "Do you still sleep with the rillakuma?"

"Of course. I have to now." He chuckled lightheartedly. "It's just as comforting to me as my shirts are to you."

"I sleep in your hoodies sometimes too. They're nice and roomy."

"Yeah I know. You basically have them all." He nudged his face against mine, playfully but also ended up connecting our lips. He paused after we separated but kept his close distance. "Do you forgive me?"

"I don't know yet. I feel a lot of things right now. Maybe I just need some time to think."

"Oh…" He sounded extremely disappointed. "Do you still want to go home?"

"I think I would want to spend a few more nights with you…" I squeezed his hand lightly.

"Thank you. I really want that. I promise to make this trip worthwhile."

"Well...the sex was pretty good at least. My ass still kind of hurts though."

"It was...phew..uh…" He wiped his other hand on his jeans and I saw his cheeks flush.

"You can admit you like anal now, you know."

"I'm on the fence, okay? Let's just leave it at that."

"Mhm...sure."

"Do you want to watch the stars with me?" He asked suddenly. That was a pretty sweet gesture I had to admit. Something straight out of a cheesy romance movie but still sweet nonetheless. 

"Yeah, that sounds nice actually."

He scooted back onto the mattress and took off his shoes, tossing them over the back seat. I did the same with my sandals and we both leaned back onto the pillows, looking out into the night sky that was littered with bright white orbs. We didn't say much, just relaxed beneath the moon, hearing the waves lapping at the Earth. Johnny set a soft playlist to play on his phone and kept it beside him, adding something to fill the otherwise silent space between us. I closed my eyes and focused on letting myself go, trying to make my heart less heavy and remind myself why I fell in love with him in the first place. That was when I felt his pinky lock with mine. Memories came flooding back; every time he made me laugh, the hurt we had been through, all the trust that I gave him and no one else. There was so much invested in us. I had no idea if I really wanted to let it go.

He was humming now, softly, strumming his fingers against his chest to the beat. When I looked over I saw that his eyes were closed as well and I wondered what he was thinking about. "Johnny?"

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"What am I going to do after this internship is over. I don't know where I want to go. Maybe try and find some jobs in Chicago, maybe New York, cities where I can expand and maybe do a lot more."

"Do you want us to be long distance?"

"Not particularly, no. But I know you want to finish school. That's important. You're not going to quit just because you want to follow me around the world. Maybe when next summer rolls around and you graduate you can come travel with me."

"Do you think we can really be together for a whole other year?"

"Yeah. Don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah...I do." I squeezed his pinky tighter. "I do want to be with you Johnny. For a long long time."

[piratekingimogen]

you don’t belong here

word count: 2158

part 2

The room went silent when Imogen’s eyes locked on mine– or maybe I just stopped processing sounds. Shock had emptied my lungs like a knee to the chest. There wasn’t enough air in the whole room for me to draw breath as her gaze scraped across my body.

(The once-over was familiar: she was searching me for injuries. She had done so many times before, with frustration and fondness mixed on her face. This time, the fondness was gone.)

The corners of her lips twisted downward. “King Jaron.”

“That’s him?” asked a gray-haired woman beside her.

“Oh, it’s him. I would recognize that face anywhere.”

I finally found my voice. “Imogen, what are you doing here?”

“If His Highness addresses me by any name other than ‘king’, you may run him through, Malina,” she told the woman beside her. Roden snickered. Imogen’s icy gaze jumped to him and the sound died. “The same applies to our other prisoner.” Gregor cleared his throat softly and her fingers closed around the hilt of the sword at her hip. “All of our prisoners, in fact,” she said impatiently, rounding on Gregor. “Captain, do you have something valuable to say for once or are you just testing my patience? I warn you, it’s short.”

Wait. Gregor was a prisoner too. Which meant, not necessarily a traitor. Which meant, I thought, my heart lifting, a potential ally. But he had made himself cozy with the pirates, to the point of roaming freely– unless his hands weren’t just folded respectfully behind his back, but tied. Why was he even here? His lips tightened at Imogen’s sharp tone. The sight was absurd, and almost, almost funny. Gregor, captain of the guard of Carthya, ducking his head in reluctant deference to Imogen. King of the pirates. This couldn’t be real.

“My king,” he said. “The conditions may have changed, I admit. But I beg you to remain open for negotiation.” What had he offered her? What did Imogen even want? My head ached. Oh, the devils were having their fun with me now.

“I could just kill him now,” the gray-haired pirate offered, with a sharp-toothed smile. Gregor blanched. “Make a nice little example.”

“Kill them both,” Roden suggested.

“The pirates swore to kill the king of Carthya,” said a second pirate. “It’s a matter of honor.”

“A matter of Devlin’s honor,” Malina said. “Do you want to go take it up with him?”

“Devlin’s honor is all of our honor,” Roden shot back, rising onto his knees. His chains pulled him back.

“Remember your position, mutineer,” Malina said.

“My king,” Gregor said desperately, raising his voice over the quarrel. “If you let me send word to Drylliad–”

“Everyone shut up!” Imogen’s eyes blazed. The noise died immediately. She squared her shoulders. “Take the captain to the root cellar and lock up the mutineer with Erick and his boy. In thirty seconds, King Jaron should be the only one in this cell beside me.”

I wasn’t at all sure I wanted that. Roden’s chains were rapidly unlocked. “Maybe Gregor should stay,” I suggested, my voice high-pitched. I would take any chance of an alliance now.

“Coward!” Roden spat on the ground as he was dragged out, earning him a kick in the calves.

I grimaced. “As it sounds like you’ve already started negotiations– guh–” The tip of Malina’s sword pressed against my throat and I choked on my words.

“Address her as king.”

“Malina. Out,” Imogen ordered. As a pirate caught Gregor’s elbow and spun him toward the door, my suspicions were confirmed: his hands were tied behind his back with knotted rope. Malina sheathed her sword, bowed, and exited. The door clanged shut behind her. The sound echoed through the suddenly quiet cell.

I didn’t trust myself to speak. I pulled myself upright, now that there was no threat of attack from Roden. The rusting chains pulled at my wrists as I folded my hands in my lap. Imogen stood motionless, with light from the barred window catching in the uneven strands of hair that drifted around her chin. A dozen emotions churned in my gut– fear, confusion, fading shock, rising anger. This wasn’t the same Imogen I thought I knew, I reminded myself. I had to tread carefully.

But my sense of self-preservation buckled under the growing weight of my anger, and I had never been as good as Imogen at holding my tongue. “I don’t understand what’s going on,” I said, striving to keep my tone even. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t answer.

“How long have you been working for the pirates? While you lived in the palace? While we were in Farthenwood?”

She tipped her chin up, expression inscrutable. “Why do you care?”

“Are you kidding?” I rattled my manacles. “Because I want to know if you decided to join the pirates despite finding out they wanted to kill me, or because of it.”

“There you go,” she said. “This isn’t about you. I was trying to get away from you. I thought, surely, this is the one place he wouldn’t be stupid enough to come.” She couldn’t hide the venom in her last words. True or not, the words were meant to hurt, and they did. But the spark of anger in her voice brought a vicious sort of relief. Anger, at least, I could understand.

“And the whole assassination thing didn’t give you pause?” I demanded.

“Why would it?” she said. Her knuckles were white on the hilt of her sword. (Her earlier threats still rang in my ears. I had a vivid image of myself, pinned to the wall like a skewered moth, with blood spreading through my tunic. I needed to tread carefully.) “Because we’re friends? Because you care about me, and want me around? Oh. Wait. No, I think you had something to say about that last time we saw each other.”

I felt a stab of guilt as I remembered what I had said to convince her to leave the castle. It had been for her protection. I resented her bringing it up now, trying to distract me from the matter at hand, reminding me of something I would much rather forget. I had said some cruel things, I knew. But that was a far cry from siding with assassins. “You know I didn’t mean that.”

“On the contrary,” she said coldly, “you were very convincing.”

“So this is about me,” I said, narrowing my eyes.

“You’re not listening to me!” Her bracelets glittered and clinked as she jabbed an accusatory finger towards me. (I had never seen her wear jewelry before. I had tried to give her a necklace, once, soon after she came to court. She refused it.) “You can’t think about other people for one second. It’s all what does this mean for you, how will this help you win, how are you going to show off how clever and brave you are while everyone else is just– just swept into the corner to collect cobwebs.”

“I did it to protect you,” I said. “I thought Roden would target you next.”

“Why would he do that? He knew I could gut him like a fish!”

“Well, I didn’t know that!” We were both too loud now. Imogen’s sword was out, the tip weaving to punctuate her words, while I strained against my chains. My guilt was becoming harder and harder to ignore. (She knew me too well. If she saw a flicker of regret, she would pounce.) “Since you never saw it fit to tell me you were a master swordsman.”

“Do you really want to make this about things we didn’t tell each other?” she snapped. “Face it. You refuse to trust people that you claim to care for, you would rather be cruel than vulnerable, and it’s finally come back to bite you.”

My cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?” I snapped. “I was stupid, and I shouldn’t have said those things, and I’m sorry.”

“Except you’re only sorry because it got you into trouble,” she said.

“What do you want me to say? And don’t you try to take the moral high ground while you have me chained up with a sword at my throat!”

“I’m not going to attack an unarmed child.”

I couldn’t let the insult slide. “You realize that you’re a child, too.”

“I am a king,” she hissed. “And unlike you, I earned my crown.”

“I have done everything–”

“Look at you,” she said. “You ran away from Carthya. You deceived your regents. What if you had found Devlin, and he recognized you? He would have tortured you until you gave up every secret you knew, and then killed you. You are a danger to your country and to yourself.” Her words hit like physical blows, leaving me gasping. My eyes burned.

“Enough.”

“I’m not done,” she snarled. “You risk your life on idiotic schemes and you make enemies of your only friends. Because we were friends. Whatever you say, we were friends, and I cared for you, and when you sent me away it hurt like you had carved my chest open, and I hated you. And the only way I thought I would find any peace was to get away from you, and then here you came.”

“Imogen, enough!”

“I told you not to call me that!”

“Or what?” My chest heaved. “You’ll kill me? Do it. If my life is really so worthless.” In instant, her sword swung up, poised over my pounding pulse. I lifted my chin, bracing myself for a biting pain. Her brow was knotted, her shirt soaked with sweat. Her sword hand shook.

Then she lowered her blade, stepping back. “You just don’t understand.” Step, step– she retreated, shaking her head. “You can’t understand the position you’ve put me in.” Step, step– her back hit the opposite wall and she slid down until she was sitting, her cutlass clattering to the ground beside her. Her expression was suddenly, unbearably weary.

The fire had died in both of us. “Tell me,” I said softly.

“I can’t.”

Neither one of us spoke for some time. I had the strangest feeling of seeing her for the first time. Her cheek bore the shadow of a bruise. Damp strands of hair clung to her neck, twisting like roots. I imagined brushing it back, tucking it behind her ear.

“I don’t suppose you could let me go,” I said. “I won’t come back.”

She shook her head. “Too many of my pirates see your life as a blight on their honor– the one mark that Devlin couldn’t kill. I wouldn’t survive another mutiny– and for Carthya’s sake and mine, I need to remain king.”

“I understand.”

She stood. “Well, I think I know what has to be done.” I took some consolation in her pained expression: she didn’t seem to take pleasure in the thought of my impending death.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to talk to my first mate, and Gregor. See if they can change my mind.”

My heart caught in my throat. “And if not?”

She had the grace to meet my eye. “I’m sorry it ended up like this.”

***

She returned late that night, or maybe early the next morning. I would never be sure which. Her expression was tight, pained. I didn’t need to ask if there was good news. She knelt in front of me, holding a mug of some dark liquid.

“Would you die for Carthya?” she asked.

“If I have to.”

She held out the mug. “I thought… this would be gentler than a sword.”

I caught a bitter whiff as I took it. Poisoned. Ironic that, in the end, I would die the same way as the rest of my family. What would Darius have thought of this? Would he have done the same? No, I knew– he wouldn’t have come here.

“Are you ready to hear my last words? I spent a long time thinking of them,” I said conversationally, swirling the mug.

“Oh?”

“‘Better to die a king than to live a coward’,” I said, and took a gulp of the poisoned drink.

“Hmm. I was hoping there would be an apology in there somewhere,” she said. I opened my mouth to respond, but she pressed a finger to my lips. “No, those were good. Don’t ruin your last words.” My fingertips were turning cold. I took another sip. “Listen, we both did what we thought we had to. Don’t look back. I won’t.”

My hands were numb, and my head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. “I really am sorry for what I said,” I mumbled. I took one more sip, then tried to set the mug down gently. It slipped from my grasp, spilling across the packed earth floor. A moment later, I slid to the ground beside it.

taglist: @ascendancejaron

[workingonit-currently]

Oxventure University/School AU

Because it’s part 2. Do watch out for a little gayness, you might catch it! Oh no!

When Percy had shouted that she threw rocks at him from her window he had not accepted the fact that maybe it could have set of a chain reaction that resulted in everyone airing out their dirty laundry at each other. 

So far Dob had shouted in agreement with the rock statement, hitting the delicate fancy-boy in the arm and making him grimace. Why did he have to sit next to him, surely everyone should know he hates people by now...maybe he should try and burn down a building. Seemed to work for Pru.

Talking of Pru she had then argued that she never HIT them. Merilwen then said that it was still unacceptable to which Egbert, with his meek voice muttered that she's one to talk.

"What do you mean?" Percival had decided to ask, from all he knew, which wasn't much since he hated paying attention to people, the gardening spirit had always been kind and maybe a little quiet but nowhere near as bad as Pru.

"I-I...ummm..I just mean she made a dude transfer to a 'special needs' school...right?" Egbert had then muttered out, visibly shuffling in his chair. Percival had known he was weird but not this weird. Despite this though he wasn't...bothered by Egberts habits, he found them quiet...cute.

"In my defence he kicked a mouse." Merilwen casually explains as if that makes it justifiable and Percival is horrified to see Dob nod in agreement. What kind of weird people is he stuck here with!?

Rolling his eyes and sighing, avoiding the sting he feels when he does so Percival watches the carnage go down. Rubbing the bridge of his noise he tries to reduce the migraine pounding against his head but it does nothing.

Apparently as he had been trying to wake himself up and rolling his eyes Dob had taken to squaring up to Prudence, Prudence had taken to poking Egbert about his past and Merilwen has taken to staring at Percival.

"What?" Percival snaps at the meek looking girl staring at him, giving her his best glare. For all he knew she was just asking him if he had a pencil or something but he couldn't take that risk, could get close.

"You are Percival M-" Merilwen starts and is quickly silenced by him snapping a quick 'yes' but she continues, "Aren't you the boy who drove over my prise poppies at the start of the year?"

Percival narrows his eyes and mutters a small, 'How do you remember that?' But nods.

He now knows that is NOT what he should have done. He should have denied it because now the short girl has him in a headlock, she is surprisingly strong for her smaller size.

Percival makes noises in pain as his head threatens to twist off before the door to the room swings open and he forces himself to be quiet.

He cannot be caught like this! Percival shakes with the thought of what his father would do if he heard that he had been caught in a headlock with the other children fighting.

“...okay...I'm just going to...If you promise not to hurt me I won't say a single thing about this." A confused voice calls from the doorway and Percival assumes Prudence nods as he sees a slightly blurry red blob move slightly from her position holding a golden blob under a brown blob. Percival doesn't recognise the voice; he considers maybe it is the new teacher that he hadn't met yet...

Percival slowly hears the door close and click shut as he wonders if he might need glasses. He then feels cool freshness return to his throat as he is released from Merilwen's grasp.

"Come on Mer, he's pale enough already. I thought you were going to kill him." Dob mutters to Merilwen who glares at the fancy boy but backs off further at Dob's request. Percival has to wonder if Dob was the one who stopped Merilwen's headlock.

In silence they resume their seats, Dob deciding again to sit next to Percival and making him uncomfortable.

"So what's the deal with you fancy-pants?" Prudence addresses Percival who huffs. He had a name; he doesn't like to use it but fancy-pants is no better.

"Nothing." Percival answers swiftly with a glare at Pru, he always though they'd got on but now he knew he was wrong. She turned on him just like he thought she would.

"Oh come on Percy! You wear that blazer constantly, even in summer, you only take academic higher classes, you barely speak and you're deathly pale." Dob lists and makes Percival wince at the name.

"Don't call me Percy." He grunts and death-glares the taller boy, giving his best vibe of 'I will punch you. I will also tackle you to the ground'

"Okay, okay. But please can we learn a little about you?" Prudence softly asks and heads turn to her, surprised at her soft tone. Maybe she's trying to trick them into false security.

Percival looks at the people in this room, no one would believe he actually likes these people, never mind told them anything about himself. No one would believe the wasted jock, the garden girl, the occult goth or the clumsy golden-boy...

"You already know about me."

"No. We know you're the son of..." Merilwen starts but cuts herself off, knowing he doesn't want to talk about it, "We know your name but we don't know you."

Percy rolls his eyes and shuffles as he realises Dobs arms are wrapped around his shoulders. This all sounds and looks like a terrible 70's movie. Plus it's almost time for them to go.

"Fine." Percival gives in and addresses Prudence, "What do you want to know?"

"What's with the hair Perc?" Prudence asks and the rest nod, Percival sneering but sighing as he agreed to this.

"Nothing "

"Oh, come on, you agreed to answer us. Now spill the beans on why you hate your hair." Merilwen stares with a smile, Percival's sneer dropping as she sees straight through him. It's not THAT obvious is it?

"I don't." Percival tries to deny it again, it's not like they would understand or not use it to tease him. He knows he's just a snob and that's how everyone sees him.

"Percival, you fiddle with it constantly, you freak out whenever it gets out of place though smile when it gets messed up after sports and you constantly have a hairbrush on you." Prudence notes and smiles at Percival giving her a small smile back, she knew he was not all snappy under his defences, "Either you have a problem that we need to address right now or you hate your hair."

Percival grunts but doesn't deny that Prudence has got him, he does hate his hair.

"Okay. Fine." He sneers and takes a breath in, "I do..dislike-Not hate!-my hair. It's always to one side, it frames my stupid face, it draws attention, it's a weird colour, it has to constantly be neat and the length is off. It needs to be shorter or longer or ANYTHING but what my father makes me have it as."

Turns out the quiet brooding Percival is quite talkative once you get him to talk and this surprises the people in the room, all except Prudence, she though he might be. It might be due to the sitting next to each other for a while in physics or possibly the fact she, during that time, noticed Percy's habit of fixing everything about him subconsciously or the stiff posture or the way his eyes dart a little too swiftly around every time something happens or the random opening of his mouth to answer questions or talk but the quick closure of said mouth a few seconds after, no sound coming out.

"Okay...Why don't you cut it?" Egbert asks to break the silence and Percival narrows his eyes as the blond, seeing if he's trying to make a joke.

"Umm..." Percival starts but realises by the expressions on the people’s faces he probably shouldn't load all his issues onto them this easily and simply refuses to accept that fact he can't cut his hair. Not with his father.

"I-I..umm..Guess  I could...actually..." Percival muses and fails to notice the bell ringing, signalling the end of their time here.

"See you dudes later, tomorrow probably." Egbert shouts as he stands up and marches out of the room, everyone assumes he's going back to his room to sleep. Sometimes he doesn't even make it to his room.

Percival wonders why the blond is so ready to leave them, is it possibly he hates them and will leave as soon as possibly when given the chance? Is Egbert secretly hating them....He has been awfully quiet. He probably hates them. Percy was just in the middle of a story. Does Egbert not want to finish the story?

"Yeah..I'm afraid I've got to go. Nice meeting you. Also, Percival, do it. You're worth it." Merilwen explains and waits for a second by the door to support the posh-boy. Maybe they’re all just tired, Percival thinks as Merilwen seems nice enough to tell him if she hated him.

"Really...what do you guys think?" Percival turns to ask the two remaining people, a spark of something just catching.

"You should do it. I don't like your hair like that anyway." Dob muses and Percival smiles slightly; he has one person who thinks it's a great idea and with Dob smiling at him he can't think of any reason not to do it.

"Yeah. If it makes you happy do it, that's how you make a better life for yourself. Don't care what others think or say, as long as you're happy and you don't kill anyone, do it." Prudence inputs as she slings her bag up and walks away, her hair and hips swaying. Percival wonders if she does that on purpose.

"Okay...thank you...Umm...want to...walk me to my car?" Percival asks the tall jock, who quickly grabs him and ends up dragging him down the stairs and to his car, his need to run more about being excited than wanting to get Percival out of his way quicker. In all honesty Percival doesn't know why he asked tis boy he met an hour or so ago to walk him to his car but he doesn't exactly have time to correct himself when Dob is dragging him down the stairs of the school.

This dragging ends with a huffing but smiling jock and a wide-eyed, hot fancy-pants.

"That was fun!" Dob exclaims and smiles, making the snob huff at him, he almost broke his legs getting dragged down those stairs.

"Oh! Wait!" Dob exclaims and Percival raises a brow, it's not like he was going anywhere. Dob looks down at the shy boy before reaching hand out and ruffling his hair, making the boy jump back in surprise. If there was ANYTHING Percival was expecting to happen today being..touched was not one of them. Disgusting! 

"There. Now you look better." Dob muses as Percival hears a car drive and park behind him. Percy doesn't know what he looks like but as he turns to look at the car, he catches his reflection and true to Dob's words he looks better. Of course Percy then remembers that his father definitely wouldn't think that and panics.

"Oh, come here you idiot." Dob laughs at Percy's panicked face before grabbing him and slowly flattening his hair and fixing it into a crude version of what it was before, all the while Percy is face to chest with Dob, wondering why him.

Quickly Percival walks away from Dob, keeping his head low and placing a hand in front of where Dob could possibly see his blush. Percival knows he really shouldn't be this easy to fluster, he's not even meant to show any emotion if his father’s example is anything to go by but he can't help it. Dob is strong, sweet and muscular. Plus...it's natural chemistry, right? He can't decide who he likes...right?

Dob stands there and waves a cheery goodbye as Percival's black car drives away, for the millionth time failing to notice Percival’s smile drop and the fact he looks like he's getting taken to a government facility.

[slashhinginghasher]

Midnight Star - Chromeskull x OFC - Part 2: What Beneath Lies

Introducing Stabby McSkullface, everyone’s favorite giant dickhead.

This work is also on Ao3!

The local cops had started sniffing a little too closely around one of his warehouses, which was why Chromeskull found himself burying his most recent piggy deep in the woods outside town. College girl in a tight little dress, drinking her daddy’s money away, but she’d sobered right up when she saw the first knife. Body disposal was normally his underlings’ responsibility, but this one had put up an admirable fight and his adrenaline was still running high, so he opted to do the honors himself. He was tossing the last shovelful of dirt over the remains of her face when he heard the roar of a car engine.

His car.

He sprinted through the woods, making no attempt at stealth as he crashed through branches and underbrush. But by the time he reached the road, the car had vanished, not even a trace of headlights. If he’d had a voice, he would have screamed. He settled for driving a knife into the trunk of the nearest tree. Then he pulled out his cell phone. He could have stopped the car remotely, tracked the thief down on foot, and gutted them on the side of the road. But the insult - the audacity - was too great. That dark little thing inside him, usually sated after playing with one of his piggies, snarled to life. He would take his time with this one.

He texted Spann, who promised to be there in 15 minutes with a new car. In the interim, he pulled up the feed from the dashboard camera to get a better look at his thief. Much of the details were obscured by shadow, but he could make out enough to determine that the brat was small, dark-haired... and female.

He grinned savagely behind his mask.

Oh, little piggy, I am going to have fun with you.

***

The bitch was even tinier than expected. Chromeskull doubted the top of her head would reach past his sternum. He’d needed only one hand to drag her from the car after jamming the needle into her neck. The crowbar was unnecessary - he controlled the locks, after all - but he’d wanted to give her the split second of fear before knocking her out. Besides, the car was obviously defective if this scrawny little piggy had been able to break in. Spann, who had wisely remained silent thus far, was leaning against the passenger side of the second car and tapping away on a tablet.

“Someone will be here shortly to take care of the car,” she said. “I can stay here and wait for them. Police activity is less hot around your facility two towns north if you want to take her there.” She gestured at the girl slung over her boss’s shoulder. Chromeskull nodded and dumped the thieving piggy unceremoniously into the trunk. He slid behind the wheel and drove off, mind already racing with plans for the coming days.

***

He could’ve stripped her while she was unconscious, but he wanted to watch the growing horror in her eyes as he slowly removed all of her defenses, starting with those little knives he’d felt strapped to her wrists when he chained her up. He circled her slowly, gleaning what details he could from her unmoving form. Her clothes were dark, plain, and covered her neck to toe. Ragged and cheap except for her leather boots, which were too nice to be anything but stolen. She had a ridiculous amount of thick, tangled hair. It would make an excellent handle when he dragged her kicking and screaming across the floor.

Chromeskull turned his attention to the shabby backpack he’d taken from the passenger seat of his soon-to-be-scrap-metal car. He upended it with a clatter on the long metal table next to the meat hooks. A quick glance showed his little piggy slumped in the same position. Either she was not yet awake, or she was extremely good at faking it. No matter. He had plenty of time.

He rooted through the contents of the bag with a slowly growing curiosity. Four screwdrivers, two of them broken. A wire hanger bent into a hook. A small lock-picking set. A flashlight. Two pairs of underwear and socks, just as boring as the clothes the piggy was currently wearing. A switchblade and a machete, both clearly well-used. A one-liter reusable water bottle and a fifth of vodka. The former was about half full and the latter mostly empty. Chromeskull gave a small smile as he read the top shelf brand on the label. At least the piggy had taste in something, because it sure as fuck wasn’t clothes. He considered taking a swig, but he’d always been more of a whiskey and cognac man. A small, battered notebook gave him a brief pause; he riffled through it, but all the pages were blank, though some had clearly been torn out. He tossed it aside, next to one of those plastic lighters you could buy at any gas station for a dollar.

Conspicuously absent was any form of identification. No phone, no license, not even a library card or a fucking receipt to say who she was or where she’d been. Where were you running to, little piggy?

Impatience made his jaw twitch. Enough waiting. Either the bitch was awake, or she would be very soon. He abandoned his table of toys and sauntered over to crouch in front of her, careful to keep his movements deliberate and controlled. It never did to let his piggies see how eager he was to play with them.

At least, not at first.

A heartbeat passed. Two. Three. He was debating where to deliver a stinging wakeup call via knife when the bitch’s eyes snapped open and looked him dead in the face. Eye, really; the left half of her face was obscured by hair. He waited, as her gaze danced over him, for questions, for pleading, for terror, but she gave him nothing. Just an infuriatingly blank face and an odd light, at once familiar and unnameable, growing in her visible eye. Fucking bitch wasn’t even hyperventilating.

Nice try, piggy, but I will make you squeal.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, typed a greeting, and held it up in front of her face.

HELLO PIGGY

Her expression remained motionless. The only hint that she’d even read the message was a shifting, an intensification of that gleam in her eyes, and damn it if he hadn’t seen it someplace before…

“This is about the car,” she said. Smart piggy. Her voice was thickly accented. Chromeskull raised an eyebrow behind his mask; you didn’t hear a lot of Russians or whatever the fuck she apparently was around these parts. He nodded slowly and reached out to push the hair out of her face-

The fucking cunt bit him.

Hard.

Her sharp little teeth cut through nitrile and skin, drawing blood like a hungry dog. Rage bloomed in his chest like the pain in his fingers. He wrenched his hand away from her whore mouth and backhanded her hard enough to send piggy and chair toppling to the floor. The clatter of the chair couldn’t quite drown out the smack of her face against the concrete, but still she didn’t scream, didn’t cry. Red flickered around the edges of his vision. Wasn’t that just like a whore pig to think she could just flutter her pretty little eyelashes and get away with anything? Chromeskull flexed his bloody fingers and grabbed a fistful of hair, hauling her upright. She wasn’t looking him in the eye anymore, she was staring at the ground, at his feet, because she knew, she knew, she knew… She knew why they needed him, needed his knives, those sluts who thought they could cruise through life with their tits out and their faces painted, thought that slit between their legs entitled them to anything, and that’s why they needed him, needed that reminder that pretty was nothing and flesh was just meat and their power could be cut away in a matter of seconds. Sure, maybe this one thought she was better, was smarter, with that charade of modesty, but underneath the fabric, underneath the skin, way down where muscle met bone and blood pulsed and there was no beauty to be seen except for those tides of crimson, she was the same, they were the same, they were all the same same same…

The piggy lifted her head and spat a wad of bloody saliva at the lens of his camera with devastating accuracy.

And once again she was on the floor, this time with his hand around her throat as he straddled her waist. He’d seen grown men piss themselves with less provocation, but there was still no fear on her little piggy face, even as blood flowed freely from her nose and mouth where the impact had split her skin. She was breathing heavily, at last, but so was he, so it was no real victory. His pulse roared in his ears, and he could feel hers jumping in her throat like a rabbit kicking against a snare. For a moment there was nothing but heartbeat and breath, brown eye boring into blue, and there was something a bit dangerous in the way her knees brushed against the back of his thighs. With his free hand, he unsheathed his knife and slowly pushed aside that stupid mane of hair, pressing the tip in just hard enough to leave a thin line of red in its wake.

Her left eye was a noticeably lighter blue than the right, a starburst of ice radiating from her pupil. And it was surrounded by a web of scars. Silvery lines stretching from cheekbone to hairline, bisecting her eyebrow in several places. The tip of his knife danced over them, catching on a small ridge that almost looked like a tooth mark…

He pulled her upright by the throat, barely waiting for the chair to settle before he slashed the knife through her thin shirt and boring, utilitarian bra, leaving another stinging red line in its wake, but she still didn’t complain, and he wouldn’t have listened if she did, because what lay bare before him was nothing short of a masterpiece.

One of the oldest and deepest scars started just below her left collarbone, curving above her breast and coming to a stop in the valley of her sternum. Three more began near her left armpit and clawed their way down to her right hip bone, jagged and thick and purple like she’d been ripped open by some monster and sewn back together. Two pale circles, one in each shoulder, he recognized as bullet wounds; he had a few of his own. Another deep line, clearly a stab wound, nestled between two of her ribs. And carved deep into the side of her neck, somewhere between a cut and a brand, a single word in Cyrillic.

He traced a bloody knuckle along one of the claw marks, feeling the girl's stomach muscles contract involuntarily and leaving a stark red mark against her skin. A white hot bolt of something zinged down his spine and settled hot in his stomach and groin, danced down his fingers like flecks of lightning. His stone-faced piggy was no piggy after all. She was a map of pain and one of the most magnificent things he’d ever seen. And now he knew, he knew, what that light was in her eyes. It was fury and bloodlust and hunger and death, and he knew it because he carried it in his own eyes like a raging fire.

Well. This certainly complicated things.