#but I get so nervous about money
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Big day for spending money
#springboardibg back and forth between being like 'I have a job and low expenses'#'I can do young adult things like get tattoos and go to concerts!'#and then being like. 'we're headed into a recession and it's possible (though not likely) that I'll have to move'#'I should be saving every dollar I can'#which is like. idk man I'm sure that it's not good to do either of those 100%#but I get so nervous about money#even though I'm fine. I know I have more savings than most people my age. and I don't pay rent. but it's still just like. agh#shush up jj#personal
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the thrilling sequel, dedicated to everyone who wanted to see Reigen adopt Teru!
#my art#mob psycho 100#mp100#reigen arataka#hanazawa teruki#mob hinted teru was in need of a dad#reigen was so nervous about being wrong again#i imagine teru's parents just send him enough money to get by but they effectively abandoned him#like even though theyre alive and technically provide support they would have no qualms giving up custody#Get That Boy A Dad 2023
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i wrote up some of my opinions on the rereleases but it was quite long so im leaving it in the drafts but as a summary:
we as a community should want accessibility, and we should not be tearing down people who do not have the time/digital literacy/ability to set up abandonware video games and are excited to have a chance to play them. but also EA is evil and very frequently incompetent so we should also not be putting our faith in the hands of the multi billion dollar corporation who do not care about us or the fun we have to handle these titles with care
#two things can be right at once#i get the cynicism and i am fully not trusting EA to handle these rereleases properly in any capacity#especially as a ts4 player who has witnessed their fuckups time and time again and refuses to give them money#However . it feels so elitist to call people stupid or to feel threatened by people wanting to try the game we love.#and i urge some players to question why they feel that way. because the root of that feeling might be at the detriment of other people#there is an ideal situation here where everything is fixed and mods and saves are still functional. but i would be cautious about that#it's also okay to care about this and be nervous because it is something that impacts a lot of players#and at the end of the day we should prioritize the community first. because without that care the community will cease to exist.#and that's my take on the rerelease lmao#eliposting
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I'm going to lose itttttttttttt
November was my first month of unemployment; I got my benefits for the month on December 6.
The Agentur für Arbeit did not pay me for December, without explanation, and once I called their headquarters and complained, I got a double payment at the start of February (covering the months of December and January, I guess).
Then they messaged me that they're stopping my benefits, and that they would explain why "in a separate letter". Guess what: I never got the separate letter!!!
And now I've received a letter from my health insurance implying that if I'm really not receiving any unemployment benefits anymore, I may be in danger of losing my health insurance.
COME ON, GERMANY. How hard can it be to just send me a certain amount of money every month? Why has there been some stressful technical issue around receiving my benefits EVERY month since this has started?
I'm basically staying at home all day every day and barely living my life because I constantly don't know if I'm going to have an empty bank account at the end of the month or if I'll actually get paid this time. This is so fucking stressful and I hate it. Why is the AfA SO dysfunctional?
And more importantly, why the hell would they cancel my benefits with no explanation??? Also they just informed me on Friday that I've still got a meeting scheduled with my advisor, for March 18. But like... why would they be scheduling meetings with me after having randomly stopped my benefits? Surely if my benefits are canceled, that means I'm not a "client" of theirs anymore.
This is so stressful omfg. I technically have enough money to cover rent for a few more months, but then my entire life savings would be gone and I'd still be in debt and jobless. And that doesn't sound like a pleasant prospect 🙃
I know I am legally entitled to get 1500 euros a month, every month, for ONE WHOLE YEAR. Even the AfA themselves sent me an official document stating that.
But in practice, I've had to fight tooth and nail to get those benefits for even three months, and now they're suddenly like, "Oh we're not gonna give you any more money, AND we won't tell you why either :3 Byeeee!" So I'm mad af. WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME THE REASON YOU'RE CUTTING ME OFF?!?!??!??
#bürokratie#o hear my sad complaint#cosmo gyres#thinking about that post i saw once about long-term financial trauma#how if you've never had financial security it seeps into you on the deepest level#how whenever anything financially 'good' happens to me i can't really believe it. and i refuse to take advantage of it and take risks#like i heard that i was entitled to 1500 euros per month for a year (more than enough to live on for me) and i thought#'maybe during this time off i can finally visit a few friends who've been begging me to visit them for literally years'#not far away; i'd go for like a week max and stay with them and the easyjet/ryanair flights are like 40 bucks each#like: the most non-financially-intimidating travel prospects ever. AND YET!!!#something in me put it off and didn't feel confident planning those visits#and now i am being so. so. so justified in that paranoia#something always goes wrong and financially fucks me over#and even the tiny cushion i have right now is so little that if i'd gone ahead and booked those flights i would be even more fucked now#it's sad as hell that i'm nervously holding myself back from even the smallest indulgences that would make me happy#and that my life circumstances constantly brutally confirm that it was the right choice to be nervous and hold back :(#anyway. fuck. if anyone wants to donate to my ko-fi that would be awesome :')#i also feel very very confirmed in my instinctive sense to not move ahead with scheduling that surgery any time soon#that's just another indulgence i can't afford at this rate. if i get any money it's going straight to rent and bills lol#tag rant
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every time i see discourse about fundraisers go by on here im just fully struck with the realization that not a single one of you people have either taken a cybersecurity fraud prevention course or bothered to take one singular second to consider the website youre on. this is the broke bitches website. none of us can afford to fund our mutuals' grocery bills, much less entire evacuation funds, and CERTAINLY not FAKE evacuation funds taking advantage of genocide victims. all this shit abt how people are deliberately choosing not to fund every post that passes their dash because they hate palestinians literally just does the work of actual scammers for them by laying the high-pressure sales tactics groundwork, and the "do you guys have any idea how hard it is to keep coming up with new attention-grabbing fundraiser posts?" ones just ring EXTREMELY hollow because YEAH! YEAH I DO! and so does everyone i follow! and everyone they follow! because all of us are FUCKING BROKE and surviving on crumbs! i just saw one that said "i make sure to keep $40 in my wallet at all times so i can give $20 to any panhandlers i see, this is the same" and its like!! good for you, thats very nice, but like!!! you need need NEED to take a step back and realize that /being able to do that/ is a position of privilege, not the default setting to be a good person. i wont discount that some people do ignore fundraisers specifically because of racism because Of Course, but like. a) yelling at them isnt gonna make them stop, or more accurately yelling at /everyone else/ isnt gonna make those people stop, and b) trying to apply that as a blanket motivation for everyone just. realistically doesnt work. not donating is a nonaction, it is the literal default status, and while in specific situations you can use CONSISTENT absence of SPECIFIC actions to track a person's motivations SOMETIMES, broadly speaking that just. doesnt work.
there are 8 billion people on this planet. most of them will never know you exist. of the ones that do, most will not be able to help you. of the ones that can, most will not be on the broke bitches website passing the same communal $20 around. consider your audience and stop shitting on fellow poor people for having the gall to need to be careful with their money. and if you are genuinely only posting your fundraiser to tumblr, like. im sorry, but you need to anticipate not reaching your goal and prepare accordingly. theres a reason the last big scam scandal people talk about actually getting the money is like. all-or-nothing era, as a website none of us have the funds to make that kind of thing happen anymore or the security to risk it. a fundraiser not meeting its goal on here is not a personal sleight against whoever made it, its just how life goes sometimes. and it's unfair and it sucks and we should help however we can, but. sometimes you just arent able to help someone else, and continuing to feel responsible serves only to torture yourself. and blaming OTHERS serves only to move that guilt from yourself off onto another person. i imagine that has to be where a lot of the vitriol comes from, is people who cant afford to donate more getting pissed at people they see as having the funds but choosing not to share them, but again, sometimes you just are not able to achieve the goals you set out towards, through no fault of the specific parties involved.
people on tumblr choosing to buy groceries rather than potentially donate to a scam are not your enemy and are not the ones facilitating a genocide. we're all victims of the same horrific system, the question is just how that system manifests its influence on each of us. poverty kills just as thoroughly as a bomb. everyone is just doing their best to survive, and as much as we like to pretend that everyone should be a perfect selfless angel that puts others before themselves no matter what, humans are by default a selfish species, and it is a lot easier to say what youd do in theory than actually do it. and there's a reason you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person beside you, youre of no help to anyone if youre too dead to do anything.
#origibberish#and inb4 someone goes 'are you saying poverty is as bad a situation as GENOCIDE' be so fucking fr with me i s2g#yall know thats not what i mean so if we can just skip the part where we pretend you dont and quibble about semantics thatd be great#also ive seen multiple posts being like 'i cant believe yall are saying EVERY FUNDRAISER FROM PALESTINIANS is a scam' which#uh. no one was saying that?#people were saying that. some scammers were using the genocide as their scam? which. is true? there have been? several confirmed?#like. most arguments in this i can see where theyre coming from but that just. literally is inaccurate#i cant even call it disingenuous even though it clearly is because thats just. so far off of what literally anyone was saying that i have#trouble interpreting it as anything other than a deliberate exaggeration to stir emotional responses.#like. ive said before i see little value in going 'zomg a psyop!!' but that more than anything made me be like#if there was anyone on this website i had to pick to be running a scam using palestine as a cover it would be that person. because just. how#the fuck do you get that interpretation unless youre deliberately trying to emotionally manipulate people into not using#their critical thinking skills to determine scams from real fundraisers.#oh also the posts being like 'even if some are scams‚ so what? you should still risk it'#like genuinely if you have shared that one i have 0 respect for you. like that just. is not how things work in the real world when you#need money to survive.#and when the stakes are 'help save someone from genocide or help someone taking advantage of genocide victims' like.#you really cant see why people would be a little nervous abt that without it being some deep seated personal hatred?#you cant see why picking the wrong one there might weigh on a person?#just. idk. ppl on here need to get better at trying to see others' perspectives i think
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beginning of my spider-man horde :] this is all still so unreal to me
#not tagging#after like. 7-10 years i fianlly have my own room and bed and a space that’s truly mine (even if it doesn’t feel like it rn)#and i have a reason to get stuff i like! bc why would i get anything if i had no place to put it lmao#these are all gifts and i’m like. nervous but at the same time detatched from the nervousness bc i haven’t been allowed the emotions lately#but yeah i’m ‘nervous’ to spend my own money (once i start getting it) on spidey stuff but MAN this is still unreal.#week 1 spider-man horde . week 2 ice soup <- this will be me#that second pic doesn’t do them justice. that last one is about as tall as me lol#i’m so scared to post this what if someone finds out where i live from these alone
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I love sending things in the mail to friends but I am also very anxious when I do for the entire time it takes to finally arrive safely bc I don’t want anything to go wrong lol;;
#I wish I had the extra money to afford tracking just to be able to be more reassured of its progress#but money is so tight rn I just have to send it out into the unknown and pray;;;#Im super nervous about if that one will get there bc the label they gave me had seemed fine at first but it started threatening to come off#as soon as it left my hands and I just hope it held on;;#Please mister postman deliver my presents soon;;;
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*taps microphone* so i’d just like to talk about all the little kids in coruscant who would absolutely be out of their mind with love and awe for the corrie guard, and their fire engine red painted armour
these kids
these kids would wait at their windows to watch them drive past their window on a scheduled patrol. they’d be so thrilled to see them in the market. or when Fox is standing next to Palpatine in the press in his extra red paint
their parent will be like ‘want to talk to them?’ and the kids will get all shy.
they might even draw pictures of them to give to them
because no matter what the adults think, abiut flesh droids or military police being given more and more responsibility (that theybwould see as power) as the war went on, but little kids know what’s up. they know how cool garbage men are, and fire men (with the shiny red paint), and other civil servants that adults don’t think are awesome but kids know
and you know, you just know that Sergeant Hound, with his cute mastiff and awesome bucket paint would be the absolute pinnacle of coolness to an eight year old coruscanti child
#I forgot to take my pain meds today and then did things so I’n stuck in bed in agony but I thot I’d write out the cute headcanon#that I’ve been thinking about for a while#how the adults would listen to the propoganda that makes civil unrest more likely#because palps wanted turmoil at home to make the senators nervous so they gave him more power#he would absolutely use the guard like a sledgehammer#adults would also know why the corries have mastifs and riot gear and why there were shock troopers posted on a republic planet#and about the raids that keep happening to innocent people#and all of the money and drugs and material goods and wven food and water that were being confiscated for the most flimsy of reasons#and the people who were being arrested never to be seen again#but the kids#would think they were so cool and act like they were celebrities#ok good meeting#I’m writing a winged clone fic and so you can imagine how much this is turned up to eleven when the corries have WINGS and can FLY#some kids would obviously think cody or rex or any of the other clones that ended up in propoganda next to obi-wan and anakin etc were#the best but they would get into arguments with the kids who were all about the corries#some autistic kid thinking hound is the height of clone existsnce#some other autistic kid thinking the logistics offocers were awesome#I just like thinking about it#coruscant guard#corrie shenanigans#corrie guard#commander fox#commander thorn#commander thire#commander stone#sergeant hound#clone trooper hound#star wars headcanons#fluff
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blorbos from my brain
#beloved villainxcivilian wip. i need to draw you#post unrelated to previous few. mostly#if anyone's reading this post and curious: vague superhero/villain-containing setting; mc is a woman who gets out of a shit relationship#w a local hero by selling his work laptop to a local villain and using the money to flee the province/whatever with her cat & suitcase.#gets set up w a tiny apartment. barely leaves. severe anxiety that she's gonna be tracked down by either her ex or the villain to tie up lo#loose ends#eventually unwinds enough to leave; takes a 3rd shift at an ancient tiny library with old archives#local supervillain (not that she knows at first) becomes a repeat visitor looking over the old city blueprints and hwhatnot on file#eventually unwinds enough to start a mayyybe situationship#he's not blind she's clearly very distrusting n nervous even if she's got a crazy good customer service face so he's very slow abt it#lets her set the pace of whatever they're doing#which simultaneously reassures her and makes her nervous#because it could be a mask. it could be a trap. she literally has no way to really know#gets worse when the truth about his profession comes out#mental breakdown. lots of yelling. butter knife brandished like a weapon (<- taken very seriously)#once shit settles a lot of time is dedicated to figuring out how they want to continue this. if they want to#given that there is realistically a crazy power dynamic between them. she's an immigrant who had to uproot herself from literally everyone#and everything she knows and has; has no support system in a country she is technically not legally supposed to be in;#he is very influential; having both notable scores of money socked away and a potentially a mole in the local policing force#if he wanted to make her disappear in one way or another it would not be difficult for him#much how her ex was becoming. extremely overbearing so to speak#so Yah trying to navigate that. very serious discussions if they can make that work out or if they should split#bc i want a happy ending i think they make it work! not sure about the specifics but theyre good#i think he doesnt realize how badly shes fucked up until at some point after The Breakdown he puts together that she's the reason the hero#in a few provinces away got completely Fucked by the local villain scene#and putting that together with her severe anxiety and not-great living situation. why she would've possibly done that#anyways. the inspiration for this all was mostly out of distaste for most of the romantasy books i have to see in various fandom tags#male love interest who doesn't really respect boundaries VS. m.l.i. who is extremely respectful of boundaries while managing to remain a vi#villain by the laws of the genre/setting/otherwise plot#(and asking the question of what does villainy mean in this context)
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I really don’t want to be mad. But I am. I wish I could not let it bother me as much but I’m really hurt man. Why you gotta do me like that.
#fucking fuck#I wanna feel all lovey and good#I wanna be on a high from the amazing staycation we just had#that I was all nervous about bc I thought something bad would happen#but no it was beautiful and we had great sex and a good time and no fighting and great food#and he bought dinner which was awesome#and then the cashapp thing and the Apple thing happened#so I buy breakfast which is fine I was expecting to#and you say you’re gonna send me money when you get paid#then I come home to you doing whippits#and drinking#when I thought you were broke#and you haven’t sent me breakfast money#and you also said you wanted to buy me a gift#fasho#seems like it#your reasons are not good enough m#you need to do better#you need to treat me better#I deserve better#it’s disrespectful#and I need more than just empty words#I don’t wanna hear some shit about how you don’t spend enough time with me#the fuck is that#I want action#I want to trust you#I want your words and your actions to align#the fact that you’ve admitted that you’ve lied to me about alcohol#like that fucks with me#and NOW??
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beyonce please come to copenhagen please oooooh she wants to come to copenhagen so bad
#look.i literally cannot afford to travel for this because kpop jesus took all my money#BUT. but. but. but#a beyonce concert is like such a bucket list thing and the future is so unclear (about me being geoblocked again)#(i literally wont get into all that but god it makes me so nervous to think about it)#(anyway)#SO LIKE. i am taking every opportunity like this as 'what if it's my last opportunity for the near future at least'#(VERY HOPEFULLY VERY FALSE BUT U KNOW)#so im likem. if i cant go to the cowboy carter world tour. maybe i will die. like#you know?#GIRL COME TO COPENHAGENNNNNN GRAHGGGGHHH#(I may take stockholm as well but it will still require an overnight stay kdkskdkdjdjdksmsjdjf but i can take it. maybe..)#BEYONCEEEEEEE IM SO DRUNK BEYONCE COME TO MEEEEEEEE NEAR ME PLS#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#anyway. crazy that i can even consider these things#i need to. do so much more#so much more so i can stay here and . i wont get into it all now anyway 😭😭😭😭😭#🗒
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I didn’t go to sculpture again……
#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness#I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick#and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up#I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there…….#and I cannot handle repeating a semester#I live in fear#and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful#banging head on the table#I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever#god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the#slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it#everyone’s done it already#I will literally cry if anyone talks to me#the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me#and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive#but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money#pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but#I couldn’t do that either I���m just in panic mode instantly#so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on#them#they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself#uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE#I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever#ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming#but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️#no one look at me#I being sensitive and vulnerable here
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Good thing #59: I get to sleep in tomorrow, and when I get up, I get to start learning how to play guitar :)
#good things#heading to bed after posting this#it feels so so good to say my guitar#not just A guitar#MY guitar#a guitar I own and bought with my own money#a guitar I OWN#I OWN A GUITAR NOW#anyways I'm very very happy about this#I was so nervous when I was buying it#very excited too but also nervous bc I was worried about if it wouldn't be worth it#it's already worth it#i've been so happy all night because of this guitar#I couldn't play it when I got home so I just sat next to it for an hour#and kept looking at it and smiling#it was a good decision#I GET TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE GUITAR NOW!!#13 year old me would be so happy and I just got really emotional typing that hgfdjsfg#but genuinely I think if I got a chance to show my younger self that i'm finally going to learn guitar they would be so happy#so I guess in a way buying a guitar and learning how to play it is for both past me and current me#i'm finally doing the things past me wanted to but couldn't#the world may be dark and scary right now but I am going to find pieces of light#and this is a lovely and bright and warm piece of light
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whymst taxes :(
#//juri speaks#i get so nervous about filing my taxes every year#worried im gonna miss something or the new accountant will be mad at me for some reason#or that i'll owe everyone money that i dont have#aaaaaaaaaaa!!
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i have my very first meeting with my advisor tomorrow and i'm nervous ;-;
#the plan is to go over what classes i should take (i have not registered for anything lmao)#and talk about research#so it should be fine#i'm just nervous bc this is new and scary :(#but as a treat i'll get to go to the garden store after! get some bird feeder stuff and maybe a couple of plants for my balcony#<- all of my furniture money will be gone lmaoooooooooo#zip quips
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 years😭😭😭😭 thats why i dont want it to take any longer 😭😭😭😭 im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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