#but I figured if he looks bad I can say that’s by design
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Can we get Neoth panicking about Lilith's existence and thinking her a monster before realizing she's just like any other ten year old when she starts purring in his lap?
Well, and animalistic as well as cannibalistic due to the blood drinking, but she's fine, she just has the same markings as some African grass finch chicks have-
He rested his head on his fist, watching his grandchild. What did he do to merit this within her?
She had happily given him a wide, opened mouth smile. Those spots within her mouth and cheeks... inhuman. He felt guilt as she saw his expression and quickly pulled back.
What did this mean, though?
His mind ran through all the various gene-splicing he'd done when creating his sons. Was it his decision? What about Amar and Erda? No, he closely monitored the project.
This had to be his fault. Sanguinius had been worried. She wasn't growing and was turning a sickly pale shade. Weaker than usual. Duller.
She seemed interested enough in her hobbies, and he gladly indulged in it. He offered her a skull to carve into. He'd have been worried if this interest had Dorn not told him how they bonded over the shared aspect of each other's cultures.
Still, he questioned if this was the surface of something for more morbid.
She sat at the base of the throne steps.
"I usually use the tibia or humerus," she stated as she inspected the designs around the eye sockets.
"Not the femur?" He questioned, trying to keep the conversation going. He wouldn't ignore or dismiss her.
"No," she said. "It's too bulky for the types of designs and artistic vision I have. The really hard part is the small bones, though, like fingers. Lots of little details, and I am bigger than baselines. You have to be careful not to break them. It's considered bad luck and disrespectful to the dead."
He nodded slowly even though she couldn't see.
She continued, "Some say that I could just use astartes skeletons, but they don't offer their own for such purposes, and the ceramic infused bones are hard to carve into."
He raised a brow, "The bones are donated. An interesting aspect."
She looked up at him, "It's seen as a great honor to become a work of art and its also an honor to do it for someone. If you ever wanted I could carve your bones."
He stared a moment, and she laughed, "As if you'd ever die! No, but I think it's important to have that promise there."
He had seen the markings again but forced a smile through, "I am flattered at your offer. No doubt you would do well with my bones."
He was the master of mankind but right now, he had another important duty. Being a grandfather.
She stood and skipped up the steps. She kneeled at the throne, resting her elbows on his lap.
"Since it won't happen, I can show you what I'd do," she stated excitedly.
She pointed out each carving on the skull and what it meant. What she would do for him. How she would do things differently than this skull and others she'd carved into.
"I could use xenos or animal bones too and make you something," she offered. "I just need to find some really good ones."
Her glee was obvious.
He stroked her head, "Your father is very proud, I'm sure. I am as well. You take great care in your work. A worthy endeavor."
A smile crossed her face and she rested a head on his lap.
"Thank you," she said quietly.
He got the distinct impression that she needed to hear that. He continued stroking her head and hair and noticed a low and soothing rumble coming from Lilith. Purring. Like so many of his sons could do.
This put himself at ease as well. She'd be alright. She was very much a child. Only caring for her interests and wanting to have validation. She bore no ill will, and he'd have time to figure out something if anything did happen.
He just hoped there wasnt any romantic traditions with this. Throne forbid the day she developed a crush.
#lilith of baal#warhammer 40k#wh40k#warhammer community#warhammer 40000#40k#warhammer40k#warhammer fic#warhammer#my writing#requests#primarch children#emperor of mankind#w40k#warhammer 30k#warhammer 30000#warhammer oc#warhammercommunity#primarch#wh40k fic#wh40#wh40k oc#wh40000#wh 40k
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WIP Wednesday!
Tagged by @theluckywizard and @effelants and @bluewren. I don’t have any fic this week due to working on secret exchange fics 👀 BUT
I recently impulse bought a drawing tablet and have been trying art again for the first time in 20 years. I was never very good but I have started trying to draw some blorbos. Here is a hot mess (literally) in progress
I am calling this “The Friday Morning Templar Meeting” and as you can probably imagine, this is what Samson is doing in the back 😂
Idk I don’t hate it 🤷♀️
Tagging if interested:
@highwayphantoms | @monocytogenes | @inquisimer | @delicatefade | @exalted-dawn-drabbles | @demarogue | @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul | @musetta3 | @fandomn00blr | @little--abyss | @whirrlinginrags
#raleigh samson#wip wednesday#my art??#fanart#tw smoking#idk this is my first time ever trying line art#and I haven’t tried to color digitally in like. ten years at least 🤣#but I think I’ve captured the dark circles under his eyes and for that I am proud Lmfao#I have no idea what I am doing#but I figured if he looks bad I can say that’s by design#I’m normal about Samson
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🍀
I know that Clover's gender is up to interpretation (the devs DID say so themselves) but I still feel weird when people make them exclusively male or female LOL Like it's TECHNICALLY fine??? but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
more in tags as usual because I am a yapper. i am so sorry for having strong opinions about gender and representation. i am usually more fun than this 🥲🥲🥲🥲
#whenever ppl talk about clover being male it feels like they are unconsciously reinforcing gender roles???#vague sexist vibes yknow#this is such an innocent thing to complain about but i dont care!! i am a HATER!!!!!!#I think it bothers me so much because it reminds me of how Kris was treated and is STILL being treated. “well in my headcanon he is a boy”#again its technically fine!!! the devs said its cool and i wont hate anyone for it. but its still so weird yknow#especially cus most ppl reason them to be a boy because “well he likes guns and thats a boy thing!!!!!!”#“his design looks like a boy but his animations are like a girl”#“he is a cowBOY and he looks masculine so-” shut up i will stick your head down a toilet#many people think its an obvious fact that they are male.#whenever the cast calls Clover by he or a boy in fan content I can feel my entire face shrivel up#“THEY WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!!!” aka the curse that keeps me from enjoying anything thats just made for fun#i think its a case of self-insertiritis... even though clover is their own separate person as is UTDR's tradition#bonus points if they make them a boy so they can ship them with kanako without being gay 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨#🤨🤨🤨🤨bonus points if they make them female so they can ship them with flowey without being gay 🤨🤨🤨🤨#female clover is actually rare and not nearly as problematic. i can tolerate female clover because luckypatch is such a rare ship anyhow#this does not even mention the weird ships with martlet and ceroba. yeah its the monster girls only. and in those theyre also a boy#never starlo or dalv which thank god but. guess why. go figure#ive had people headcanon martlet knowing clover as a kid and dating them later? i do not need to explain why thats grooming LOL#the undertale yellow fandom on reddit. is so bad. god. do not go there#i know its filled to the brim with teens who have the media literacy skills of a wet piece of paper and their minds in the gutters 24/7 but#cmon.#the things they have done to ceroba and martlet. the curse of being women. girlypops i am SO sorry you do not deserve it#undertale#undertale yellow#uty#clover#ceroba#martlet
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if stranger things 5 comes out and they're like 'omg! the upside down has been a product of someone's dark and twisted mind this whole time! it's... WILL!' I'll immediately lose interest
#manifestation theory#I really hope not#like I don't. hate will. he's fine. but he's so easily likable that it doesn't feel rewarding to like him?#mike wheeler's been a menace this whole time so I had to put in work to figure him out#and they literally said 'getting to mike is the key' which would make sense if by understanding mike you understand everything#in the show where no one knows what's going on and also no one knows what mike wheeler is thinking ever. unrelated ofc#he isn't important look away. don't look at him#like why would they! make him the bad guy! if they're not going to MAKE HIM THE BAD GUY!!!!!#I'd say it makes too much sense not to do it but I'm always saying that and then these stupid shows do stupid things anyway#because. listen. if one of them is the heart and one of them has to die for the upside down to be permanently defeated#and that person is will#there's no conflict there. everyone loves will. because he's designed to be likable and for you to want him alive#but MIKE? mike's flawed. he's frustrating. he's a bad friend and a worse boyfriend. he's very obnoxiously a teenage boy#if it's mike the audience would need to be reminded that this is a Child‚ and no matter how much you personally dislike them#wanting children to die because you think they're useless and annoying and etc. IS NOT NORMAL#THAT'S NOT NORMAL! ESPECIALLY WHEN MIKE ALREADY THINKS THAT ABOUT HIMSELF!#mike being the heart gives the 'maybe we should just kill him' side of the trolley problem weight#think about it. really think about it. if they decide that mike has to die to keep everyone safe‚ what's going to happen?#the adults won't agree. hopper won't do it. he talked about killing mike before but he won't ACTUALLY let any of these kids die#maybe mike jumps off a cliff again but he needed the pressure of dustin's immediate safety and a countdown to make himself do it last time#what I think is more likely? nancy. she has guns in her bedroom (there's a 6 year old in the house I know where I keep my guns; her SISTER)#she hates the upside down for taking barb and making her feel like this; she wants to finish what they started - she wants to kill it.#if mike has to die‚ then nancy has to kill her own brother. because he can't do it himself and his big sister can do anything#does that sound right to you? this being the first time they agree and connect and are on the same page? is any of this right?
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Me normally: Let people love what they love
Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE
#Look it's fine that this show exists and people will watch it and like it and that's ok maybe it's just not for me#But that was like a statement purely designed to piss me off#There were lots of issues with the 1978 adaptation! I still vastly preferred the books any day!#And I actually initially had high hopes for the new one because they at least cast a Scot (albeit a Highlander not a Clydesider) as James#And the actors at least looked a little bit younger than Christopher Timothy and Robert Hardy#And thank god Helen actually sounds like she's a farmer's daughter and doesn't speak RP!#But from the half hour I've seen of it I've had to write off this new adaptation#For two major reasons#First of all there's Siegfried#Siegfried is one of the key central aspects of the vibe of the books and therefore key to any adaptation#Robert Hardy was too short and too old for the part but he lived and breathed the character#The twinkle in the eye bouncing off the walls and in and out of rooms followed by half a dozen dogs utterly full of life even when angry#But this new Siegfried is just sort of... Eeyore-esque; he comes into a room and you can see the flowers droop and the set turn grey#Siegfried was angry Siegfried was happy and the historical character he was based on was no stranger to melancholy#Since Donald Sinclair did commit suicide or rather self-euthanasia after Alf Wight and his own wife Audrey died#But this slow grumbly figure in the new adaptation is not Siegfried Farnon- the book character didn't grumble more often he exploded#And why did the adaptation give him a dead wife that's so weird? What could that possibly add to the source material?#And this brings me onto my second problem which is to do with women and age#Firstly I have no idea why they aged down Mrs Hall or at least made her look younger than a woman her age would have back then#But what really drove me mad was when Heriot goes out to see some old woman hill farmer in the episode I saw#And this woman is far too clean and young-looking and you can see that she's wearing 'natural' look make-up#And a perfect set of clothes that looked like they were straight out of the House of Bruar autumn collection catalogue#Say what you like about the 1978 adaptation but old women looked like old women regardless of whether or not they wore make-up#It may be that the better quality of television screens means that the 'natural look' shows up on screen more clearly than it would have#But natural look make-up was not really a thing in the 1930s and for old women Yorkshire hill farmers I doubt they'd have much on at all#They just don't seem to be capable of allowing people to look old and wrinkled and real or have bad teeth or unattractive clothes#And everything is far too tidy- everybody looks far too perfectly country and quaint#Anyway the moral of this story is of course that I always recommend reading the books because they're much better#than any tv adaptation; but if forced to choose at least the 1970s one felt real and yet didn't have to be grim either#Ok that's my rant over please do feel free to enjoy the show I just got annoyed because the opinion was expressed on TMS
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just finished the original devilman manga. wuh!!
#genuinely one of the most batshit narrative structures i can think of#major major spoilers ahead im serious#monster of the week for like 2.9 volumes and then HARD pivot to literal actual armageddon#tbf my exposure is limited to a couple of crybaby watchthrough and the funny ova. yk the one#but only the first one 💀 idk why i didnt watch the second#the characterization differences between this and crybaby are really stark and thats been one of the things absently poking my brain#like really really stark#anyway what a time. im sure its depiction of humanity's self destruction is no longer relevant :)#and the ending always gets me but that final panel is SO FUCKING GOOD#raagghhhh#RAAAAAAAAA#i love the monster designs tbh. he got gnarly witg it in a really distinctive way#admittedly my experience w 70s (and prior) manga is super limited but at the very least the art feels unique to ME#and while my impression of the devilman manga was largely informed by yhat one post about everybody's expressions being wildly off#from their emotions but that's literally just a problem with ryo which means that shit's a character choice. which i love#how could i hate him just look. swagless#the scanlation i was reading did Not do the satan in love with akira reveal justice btw#it's like you ruined everything by fallin in love w akira and satan's like cam you blame me? im a hemaphrodite GIRL YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND#ALSO WHAT???? WHAT???????#intersex people are famously prone to falling in love with akira fudo alias devilman. i guess??#i keep trying to figure out the logic but it's all bad. oh also ryo's logic in the beginning is kind of circular and dumb#it happened a couple more times but the guy was just raving. just saying shit. that he kind of made real ehich is extremely funny btw#omg manifesting!!!#ALSO I DID NOT KNOW THERE WAS SO MUCH DEVILMAN CONTENT????#i looked at the wiki trying to figure out the series order and like#in 1972 go started devilman and also in 1972 there was an anime adaptation and TWO SEPARATE MANGA ADAPTATIONS of the anime#the people were fucking insatiably lusting after devilman#dvilman lady and violence jack are extremely funny names to me btw#like 16 entries in looking at violence jack: evil town was just too much to me jfhsjsksh. violence georg#ANYWAY. good shit. poor akira as always. poor satan. they reinvented doomed yaoi or whatevr. poor boyos. etc
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They tried to buy matching outfits at Villains 'r' Us but had to make do with similar shades of ugly
#rwde#can you tell i hate these outfits#bc i really hate these outfits#ilias been wearing that godawful thing for so many years#who was it that said adams lack of wardrobe change proves that hes much older than blake bc i KNOW that mf wont say it abt ilia#adam at least kept adding to his design. his mask and coat were originally solid colors but then he added red to both and white to the coat#looks like he did it in waves too. when the humans attack the mask is decorated and his coat has the rose and that weird white squiggle#is it supposed to be another kind of flower? the white he adds to his back looks like flowers and stems#makes me think of the white carnations and red spider lilies from tokyo ghoul which actually do have meaning within the story#doubt the white flowers do for adam but i want them to mean smth so bad bros#btw i think that first scene in the adam short is him pre white fang#ghira didnt do raids just boycotts and protests#vigilante adam mayhaps? a beastly robin hood?#couldnt be any worse than the robin hood we did get. sheesh what a let down of a classic character#anyway this is just smth i noticed while doing the timeline portion of the essay#trying to figure out how to turn the 30 gazillion versions of sparsely connected canon into smth coherent is a gotdamn NIGHTMARE#save me obi whoever the fuck you are my only hoe
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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blue sweater - r.c.
(season 4 bf!rafe x gf!reader blurb, 2.4k words)
content smut, p in v, this gorgeous man and his afformentioned blue sweater, 18+ minors do not interact!!
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You’d fallen asleep on the couch, waiting up for him again. You didn’t fault Rafe for working so hard, you just miss him so fucking much when he’s in back-to-back meetings all day.
The couch dips below you, pulling you from your dreams. A large, warm presence settles next to you on the sofa. You didn’t have to open your eyes to know it’s him.
“Hey,” you mumble sleepily, eyes still closed.
He’s smirking down at you, you know him so well you can picture exactly how he looks without actually seeing him.
“Hi,” he leans forward, planting a sweet kiss on your cheek. “I’m sorry, that last meeting ran so long.”
Finally opening your eyes to meet his, you’re almost startled by the sight. Somehow, in the dim evening light, they’re more deeply blue and beautiful than ever.
“Nice sweater,” you say, reaching up to run your fingers along the hard edge of his shoulder. Even though he looks so soft and pretty right now, he��s tense, and you wish you could ease the worry that furrows his brow.
He smiles knowingly, the skin at the corner of his eyes crinkling in the cute way that makes your heart ache for him.
“Thanks, my girlfriend got it for me.”
“She has good taste,” you joke as your run your hand gently up and down his bicep, the soft fabric such a contrast to the hard muscle below.
“Yeah, she’s all kinds of good,” he winks.
“Then why’d you make her wait for you all night?” You pout, sticking out your bottom lip so he’d know you’re just teasing.
“I said I’m sorrrrry,” he whines as he leans over you more, adjusting to bring his legs onto the couch. You make room for him instinctually, his body fitting into yours like you were designed for each other.
He lets his full weight down slowly, sinking you both deep into the cushions. Nuzzling his head into your neck, he drags his lips against the skin below your ear so gently, it sends goosebumps racing across your skin. He can feel your excitement and starts kissing you more firmly, leaving little wet spots up the column of your throat.
Your hands splay out over his big, firm back, rubbing circles into the tight muscles. You press deep, working out his stress, and he groans at your firm touch. Your hands work slowly down his back, pressing as you go. When you reach the hem of his sweater, you slip your hands underneath. Rafe flinches at your touch, a shudder running through him.
“Your hands are cold!” He exclaims, his voice muffled.
“Oh sorry, love!” you start to pull them away, but he reaches his arm behind him and pins your palms to his skin.
“No, it feels nice, don’t stop.”
You obey, the pads of your fingers digging little figure eights into his lower back, leaving goosebumps in their wake.
“What’s got you so stressed baby, hmm?” You ask.
“Just got too much going on,” he shakes his head so his buzzed hair tickles your earlobe. You giggle at the sensation, his head rising and falling with the shake of your chest.
“Poor baby,” you coo, making him smile against you. “Just need a little help to relax?”
Rafe nods against you, moving slightly to lay his head against your chest so you can run your nails along his head like you know he likes. You bring one hand up, the other still under his shirt, the motion making you open your legs wider so you can stretch. He slots between them perfectly, and when you drag your nails over the fuzzy hairs right at the nape of his neck, you can feel him twitch against your core, already half hard.
“Someone’s needy,” you hum, delighted that you can make him so hot just by touching him tenderly like this. “Want me to make you forget all about your bad day?”
“Please,” he groans into your collarbone, pressing his hips down harder so you can feel him fully against you now. Your wetness pools immediately, soaking through your panties as you arch your back and return the pressure.
“Shit, baby, that’s so nice,” he praises.
“‘I’ve been waiting for this all day,” you confess.
“Then we better not make you wait any longer.”
Swiftly, he lifts his head from your chest and finds your lips with his. It’s hungry and sloppy, the wet skin of his lower lip sliding against yours as your mouths collide. You’re fully grinding up into him now, and there is nothing semi-soft about him, his hard cock threatening to rip the seams of his pants. You writhe, desperate to feel his length. You know it like the back of your hand, picturing his perfect cock clearly as you rock against it. You’ve got every vein, every throbbing, pink inch memorized.
“Take your pants off,” you breathe into his open mouth.
With a cocky grin that makes you impossibly wetter he drawls, “now who’s needy, huh?”
You roll your eyes and reach for his waistband, if he’s gonna be an ass about it you’ll just do it yourself. He mirrors you, undressing you with the same shaky fervor. Your shirt goes first, he’s delighted to see you’ve opted for no bra. In the cold evening air, your nipples harden immediately, and he can see the goosebumps spreading across your torso.
“Ohh baby, you really are freezing.”
“Mhm,” you nod, lip pulled between your teeth. “Warm me up, Rafe.”
A throaty groan rises from his chest as he takes over your work on his pants, ripping them off as best he can without standing, his boxers following. You slip your thumbs under your shorts, doubling up to slide your panties down with them until you’re bare for him. Only one piece of clothing remains between you, the soft blue sweater you bought for him. He starts to pull it off, but you stop him, your hand wrapping around his wrist.
“No, leave it on,” you instruct.
“Whatever you want, angel,” he smirks at your unusual request, but obliges without complaint.
He lays down on you again, his lips hovering over yours as he lets his cock press into your inner thigh. He’s so hard you gasp, inhaling sharply at the sweet pressure against your leg. He kisses you again, more tenderly this time, like he’s trying to imprint the taste of you onto his tongue. As he lets his weight settle on you, the soft threads of his sweater rub over your sensitive nipples, the sensation making your eyes squeeze shut and a strained moan echo from your chest.
“Y’okay?” He asks.
“It feels so g-good,” you croak out.
“What does, baby?”
You blush, feeling silly for it, but something about the soft material against your hardened skin is so delicious, you’re sure your pussy is dripping onto the couch by now.
A little embarrassed, you admit, “the sweater on my tits feels really good.”
“It does?” He questions, amused.
“Just stay on me baby, don’t stop.”
You and Rafe have been known to argue about almost anything, but he never argues when you tell him how to make you feel good. He flattens his chest against you fully, rutting his dick against your leg, causing his chest to rub against yours as requested. Your head falls back into the throw pillows. You let him continue to move you both until you almost can’t stand the friction anymore.
“I love that,” you whimper, eyes still squeezed shut. “But I need you inside.”
“Can’t wait any longer, huh?” He chuckles. Once again, you don’t need to see him to know what he looks like, his eyebrows are surely arched high and his lips quirked to the side as he looks at you in amusement.
“Rafe I’ve been waiting for like twelve hours,” you complain.
“I know, baby, I know,” he quells you. “I got you, alright?”
Propped on one arm, his sweater leaves your chest for a moment so he can line himself up at your soaked entrance. You wait with closed eyes, bracing for impact as you know it will take a minute to adjust to his size, it always does. But he doesn’t enter you, just grumbles with annoyance as he shuffles above you.
Your quizzical eyes open to find him fumbling with the collar of his sweater, preparing to pull it off.
“What’s the problem?”
“I want to see you, but this fucking sweater’s in the way,” he explains. You lift your head and look down to where your bodies should be meeting to see the hem of his sweater hanging in the way, blocking the view. “I’m just gonna take it off.”
“Nuh-uh!” you object.
“Baby,” he whines.
A solution comes to you, causing you to break into a wide grin.
“Open up,” you say, and he’s never looked more confused.
But then, you reach down and pull the hem of the sweater between your fingers, making his stomach flinch as you brush against it. You lift the hem up to his mouth, revealing the sight of his dick dangerously close to your entrance. He puzzles it together, and teasingly rolls his eyes before letting you place it between his teeth. He bites down on it obediently, considering a protest before looking down to see he now has a perfect angle to his favorite sight in the world.
It feels so good when he finally slides in, stretching you so deliciously and filling you like only he can, that you almost actually cry. He moves gently, considerate enough to know there’s probably an edge of pain to your pleasure.
“You don’t have to go slow,” you assure him. “Take your stress out on me, I can take it.”
“Yeah?” He tries to sound cocky, but it’s muffled from the fabric between his teeth.
The way his jaw clenches in frustration makes you giggle. Rafe usually does most of the talking, knowing the sound of his low voice in your ear makes you come so much faster.
“I’ll do the talking, just focus on my voice while you fuck me, m’kay?” You purr.
He nods in agreement, picking up the pace until he’s rocking into you, continuously hitting the perfect spot that makes you both shudder with pleasure. He’s going so hard you have to lift your arm above you and steady yourself against the arm of the couch. His eyes flit between the sight of you taking him in so perfectly and the way your tits bounce with each thrust.
You keep your promise to talk him through it, starting with, “just like that, Rafe- mmmph- feels so good. God, I can feel you so deep.”
His brows furrow in concentration, thrusting harder, desperate to drag more praises from your kiss-chapped lips. Your eyes train on the veins in his neck, throbbing with effort. You reach your other hand up and grab his chin, pulling his face so his eyes pierce yours.
“Shit, you look so good, fucking me like you needed to,” you cry.
As much as he loves the eye-contact, he’s still wearing this stupid sweater for a reason, and he needs to remind you. He matches you by placing his hand on your face, soft but firm, and directing your gaze down to see him pistoning into you.
“Oh my god, that’s so hot,” you smile, admiring the creamy mess you’re making on his shaft. “You’re fucking covered in me, baby. Made me so wet comin’ in here looking this good.”
He removes his hand from your head, looking for a non-verbal way to thank you for your compliments. He presses his thumb to your tongue, and you don’t need words to know what he’s doing. You get it nice and wet, swirling spit around his thumb with your tongue. Once it’s ready, he lowers it to your clit, rubbing back and forth a few times before forming steady circles.
“Ah- fuck- yes, Rafe that’s so-” Your commitment to keep talking falters as pleasure floods your mind, robbing you of your voice.
He knows what you need, he always knows what you need. He pulls your hand from his chin and places it on his chest, you bunch the fabric of his sweater so he can release it from his teeth.
“There ya go,” he coos. “Need me to talk you through it, huh?”
You nod desperately, confirming what he already knew.
“Couldn’t even concentrate in my meetings,” he begins, panting with the effort he’s putting in, not letting up his pace. “Thinkin’ about you here waiting for me, walking around the house in those little shorts. How am I supposed to close deals when I can’t stop thinking about bending you over the kitchen counter and fucking this perfect pussy, huh?”
His words have exactly the effect he was hoping for, you are beside yourself, moaning and squirming beneath him. Letting out the sweetest little “oh, oh, ohs” as his cock rocks your whole body. He's losing tempo, both of you nearing the edge. You bring your other fist up to bunch his sweater, too, grasping so tightly you're afraid you're gonna tear it. You clench around him as he keeps talking.
“That’s it, baby, squeeze me as hard as you can - fuck!” He's unraveling, needing to find the words to get you there so he didn’t finish first. “Fuck, that’s my good girl.”
Just as he expected, that’s what finally did it for you. You cry out his name as sparks exploded in your tummy, coming so hard you have to bury your face into his chest to keep from screaming. He follows behind you almost immediately, his hot cum spurting into you as his primal groans and grunts echo through the room.
A few minutes later, you’re cleaned up and cuddled in his bed, now wrapped up in his sweater, the stretched-out fabric engulfing you. He smirks as his hands run over the material, rubbing over your stomach and waist lovingly.
“Might have to wear this thing every day if that’s how you’re gonna react,” he teases you.
“Uh-huh,” you giggle. “Good luck getting it back.”
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a/n: omg i'm so sorry I just literally couldn't not, the chokehold this sweater has on me is unnatural like y'all don't even need to read this it was just a passion project for me. all hail Blue Sweater.
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron fic#rafe fic#obx fic#drew starkey#rafe fanfic#rafe obx#obx 4#rafe cameron smut#rafe Cameron x you#rafe Cameron x y/n#rafe Cameron imagine#rafe Cameron season 4#obx#obx smut#idek if it's good but here I had to lol#nat’s most popular
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TSAU!Donnie's Ninpō Explained!
The first ability Donnie unlocks is the ability to see mystic energy! Objects or people with with mystic energy has this colourful glowing aura you could call it, the more mystic energy the more brightly is glows. For example - Mikey already has a very bright aura naturally, which becomes even brighter when he is actively using magic! ..... All of this is to say, Donnie found that out the hard way when he used his mystic sight on Mikey when he was using magic and Donnie as a result got a little bit fucking blinded!
All yōkai and mutants are naturally mystic in nature, they always have a visable aura because of that. Humans are not mystic, so they don't have that aura. HOWEVER! Humans can learn how to use magic through certain means like, y'know, Ninpō for example! When a human uses magic, they do have mystic aura, but only while actively using mystic powers.
(Also Donnie totally accidentally discovered that the "teapot" had bad vibes because his mystic sight lol)
After a while Donnie is able to start making constructs out of his Ninpō. Initially however, he can't really form complex designs, it's mostly just blocks and walls, very simplistic shapes. But it turns out he can use these simpler constructs as effective shields! Which is good considering his soft shell as well as the fact that his battle shell in the AU wasn't built to be used as armour. Both he and April gets a lot of use out of the extra defense.
With quite a bit of practice Donnie is able to actually generate specific and more complex designs! Which means that yes, to the horror of friend and foe alike, Donnie can and will summon an entire arsenal of firepower, yikes. He's not limited to firearms though, he's able to generate all kinds of technology and machinery (drill!!!!)
To create these mystic contructs, it does require Donnie to have a good understanding of what it looks like, how it functions, etc. His imagination and his knowledge of technology are what sets a lot of the limits on what he is able to create, if he can build it in his lab then he can build it with his Ninpō. This particular ability requires a lot complex thought, if Donnie wasn't so smart he wouldn't be able to pull it off as well as he does.
Another limitation is that maintaining the contsructs is very energy-consuming, he'll quickly exhaust himself if he keeps them around. He'll usually only summon constructs very briefly for an attack and then immedietly dismiss them.
The way that Donnnie's Ninpō manifests itself is already very technology-oriented, because of that he can interact with ordinary technology through his Ninpō. Personally I haven't figured out the details of what exactly that can look like, but there's definitely a lot of possibilities to explore here.
One thing though, as Donnie's Ninpō grows more and more powerful overtime, a side-effect of that is that if he gets really pissed off or otherwise very emotional, he'll accidentally make the technology in his near viscinity go haywire lmao. (This has the risk of making him even more angry, which just worsens the problem, and so on haha)
I really like the idea of Donnie being the second most powerful mystic user out of his brothers, after Mikey of course. And because he's mostly self-trained, he doesn't have the best understanding of how to properly control his powers, which evidently can become a bit of a problem. Donnie eventually agrees to let Draxum help him get a better grasp on his mystic abilities after the Hamatos and the Draxums become more friendly with each other.
So uh. About how Donnie kinda accidentally infused Shelldon with mystic energy while creating him which caused the robot to develop a kind of soul? Yeah so because of that Shelldon's mystic energy if linked to Donnie's, which means that Shelldon more or less gains access to the same abilities as Donnie does! He's not quite as powerful as Donnie, and he still needs to practice to fully get a grasp on these powers as well. But point is, that's how Shelldon gains acess to Ninpō in the AU! (He also notices their fucked up "teapot")
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Anyway that basically summarizes it! A lot of these ideas are headcanons I have for canon!Donnie as well honestly, the AU is just an excuse to explore these concepts. Donnie's ability to summon fucking firearms and military equipment is also something I've thought about, I wanted to try to think how it would work for him while also putting some limitations on it. ANOTHER THING I like the idea of Donnie's tech constructs basically being the same ability as when Raph creates constructs of himself. The difference lies with that Donnie is a massive nerd so his first instinct is to recreate his own tech with the Ninpō. While Raph being someone who is already so physically strong would naturally use his Ninpō to recreate his own greatest weapon, which is himself. (Donnie uses his brain, Raph uses his brawn, who would've guessed)
#i love figuring out magic systems even though im not that good at it#at least not from scratch#its a lot easier to have something to go off of which i have here#tiz sep au#tizel art#my art#digital art#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt#rottmnt#rottmnt au#rottmnt donnie#rise donnie#rottmnt shelldon#rise shelldon
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designs for a zine piece! enjoy some background story my illustration never needed under the read more (fair warning I did NOT edit this at all):
newbie mage apprentices Sam and Tucker who became friends bc they're kinda… the ones at the bottom of their class and struggle the most, for different reasons. they become besties over time and practice together!
except one night, something goes terribly wrong. they spent the last few nights preparing for a project, a bigger spell that needs an intricate circle with precise measurements to work. but when they try to activate it, well…
oops. they summoned a demon.
which is, for one, extremely illegal. only certified demonologists are allowed to summon demons because they're so dangerous. anything less than a perfect binding circle and thoroughly researched info on the demon, including their true name, is even remotely safe.
but, weirdly enough… the demon seems just as surprised as they are. as Sam and Tuck frantically try to figure out how to dispel the demon, they realize–oh god, did their circle actually sufficiently bind the demon? it can't leave. they watch the demon tentatively poke it's claws into the air around the boundary, and watch it fizzle, retreating back with a strained hiss.
okay. okay, they can do this. without death looming over their heads, they can figure out how to send the demon back. it's cool, it's fine. except while they leaf through their books, they notice the demon watching them. it looks kind of… curious. timid. interested in what they're doing. it catches them noticing his staring, and it. apologizes? it seems flustered?
weird, okay. they keep looking, and the demon starts talking. at first, little comments to itself. mumbles that soon get just loud enough to hear. little “ooh, is that a telescope?" and “is that what fire looks like up here?" and “that must be for making charcoal…”
Sam is the one brave enough to be like "are all demons as chatty as you??” and the demon gets flustered again, apologizing. says he's just never been topside before, he's only read about humans in tomes. oh wow is that the moon outside? it really IS blue up here! is it always blue? what are you doing up? I thought humans slept at night?
Sam and Tuck can't help getting pulled in with the demon's genuine curiosity. they're wary though, since they know demons can be clever, conniving. there's a number of ways a demon can get the upper hand on a summoner who has them bound. if he gets their full names, gets them to smudge and break the circle… there could also be ways they aren't aware of. so they consider their words carefully, but engage in some chatter while they research.
it's almost morning by the time they find a way to send the demon back–but as they prepare the spell, the demon says WAIT WAIT and they stop, uncertain. the demon starts stammering out how this is weird but like… he really had fun tonight. he doesn't get to just hang out much, especially with anyone his age.
Tuck is like “how do you know our ages??" and the demon points out "oh, you said something about Paulie’s 18th birthday party, so I thought…” and they're both like oh shit we didn't even notice we did that?
“Paulina" Sam corrects in her dumbfounded stupor.
“Right, Paulina!" the demon snaps his fingers, but quickly loses his confidence when Sam and Tuck continue to stare at him like they're not sure what's going on. he coughs and fidgets and says “um, well, I was just wondering, I guess… if you wanted to summon me another time, I wouldn't mind. you see those circles there? yeah, that's what summoned me. the candles helped too I think. oh, it doesn't need all those runes though, probably don't want to redraw all those.”
Sam and Tuck are practically gawking, but… for some reason, this demon looks so sincere. so much like them, awkward and lonely and genuinely curious.
it's a bad idea. a terrible one, even. the demon probably noticed they're newbies and not demonologists. it could be hoping they make an error in their circle, or mess up a candle, or reveal their names on accident.
But, well. They're stupid. they're also eager for anything to help them in school, and too empathetic for their own good. they send the demon off with a yeah, no. they then think about it for a week, and end up summoning the demon against their better judgment.
the demon is shocked and so happy, they can't help but be a little endeared. they lay down some ground rules, take care to be as safe as possible… and soon, this demon that introduces himself as “Phantom" becomes a nightly visitor. they talk about their worlds, find out they share a lot of common interests, and help each other in their studies. which, hello, demons also study? bro are you serious??
they play games, laugh till their ribs hurt, and open up to each other on a far deeper level than anyone expected. over time, Phantom becomes a true friend.
Sam and Tuck quietly begin to lament the fact Phantom is stuck in that damn circle. they want to take him places, let him see the human world he seems so interested in. they want to paint his stupid claws and noogie him between his dumb horns and hug him.
but it's an astronomical risk. it's legal for a demonologist with a proper permit, but it's still considered a grave taboo to grant access to a demon outside a circle. there's just too much at risk. demons can be dangerous enough to lay waste to entire towns, take multiple teams of military-rank mages to take down.
they wouldn't risk it… if they hadn't snuck into the library’s restricted section and copy a page from a demonologist book that gives them good framework for a contract. they make some edits to it though, giving Phantom at least a little wiggle room to protect himself if need be. and allow him use of transformation magic so he can hide somehow. but they spend weeks making sure they have airtight wording to ensure Phantom can't cause anyone or anything any substantial harm.
when they finally bring the contract to Phantom, he's stunned. he cries. nothing needs to be said, they all know the gravity of their proposal. even if they ask for proof of Phantom's trust in turn, first. they ask for his full name, so they can bind him. just temporarily. but in that moment, they'll have full control over him. they could instead tell Phantom to serve them, force him to obey their every order. even if it's just for a moment, giving them his full name with the proper circle and incantation, is putting his life in their hands.
Phantom, with tears still in his eyes, smiles warmly and nods. with only a breath to steel himself, he gives them his full name. Daniel James Fenton.
magic sparks in the circle, and Sam and Tuck finish the incantation. ethereal chains sprout up to wrap around Phantom's arms and legs, which makes him jump–but the unwavering trust in his eyes makes the two humans choke up.
they release the binding. all that's left is to break the containment barrier in the circle, so Phantom can walk free.
“Uh, about that…” Phantom laughs sheepishly… then proceeds to step outside of the circle, merely wincing when the barrier zaps around him.
Sam and Tucker gawk. Phantom scratches his neck. “Y-yeah, so… your barrier circle was already broken that first night. It's, uh… right over there. You missed a spot.”
abject horror overcomes them because this entire time Phantom's been visiting, he could have broken out? EASILY?? THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD.
Tucker falls to his knees, but soon starts to laugh. it's kind of hysterical at first but slowly, he and Sam are genuinely laughing. they're so STUPID, and Phantom is the most un-demonlike demon they've ever HEARD of. Phantom is still flustered, stammering out apologies because he wasn't trying to deceive them or anything! he just didn't want to scare them! without a proper containment circle they technically couldn't send him back either, so he just… went back using his own magic each time they “dispelled" him.
once they've calmed down, Phantom morphs his body into a human form–which shock Sam and Tuck, because uh, only elite demons are capable of that. they were expecting an animal, or straight up going invisible. Phantom laughs it off, says he just, spent a lot of time practicing bc he's so interested in the human world (not a lie, but). he proceeds to adopt the nickname Danny, and they all have FUN WONDERFUL SHENANIGANS
(and sometime in the near future, when faced with something truly threatening he needs to protect them from, Danny reveals that. well. their contract also had some holes in it. and he's had access to his full demon power this whole time. whoopsie! it's a good thing he genuinely loves them and doesn't want to hurt anyone, or their asses would be SO dead lol)
they're about as normal about his full demon form as you'd expect from me btw:
#danny phantom#dp demon au#everlasting trio#when is it not lmao#zilly art#Tucker: oh I am SO climbing that#Tucker: no I'm serious get me a grappling hook
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You're a Daydream, Stay A While
joel miller x younger!reader
summary: you're jackson's designated bartender. well, your dad is, but after the arrival of a new face in town, maybe the inspiration to finally step up to your obligations kicks in.
warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap, smut, p. in v., oral (f. receiving), fingering, foreplay (mostly breasts), creampie, breeding kink (kinda), angst/comfort, insecure!joel (love touch etcetc starved), needy!joel, pov switch mostly joel (he's down bad as well), collected shitty puns from across the internet like thanos collected the infinity stones
word count: 6,136 words
side note: yk what's worst than simping for old men? simping for old men who don't exist. since y'all know, tlou II trailer dropped, which got me searching for joel's ***** to brace/prepare myself. umm so, why did no one tell me jackson!joel is the hottest thing ever? can´t wait to see pedro being senior citizen level of hot and dying (again) on his bday month! 😍 anyway, this is based on this request and well, yes! i too would flirt with an old ass if he looked like that™ hope u like it bc for some reason I'm not sure of it JSJDLKDFK also 400 followers GUYS STOP (pls don't) IT'S TOO MUCH (give me more) HELP!=="))??! (that i do need tysm)
The truth is simple: you hate working.
An apocalypse later, you figure there are more important things. But on Jackson, it feels like the world before fungus and violence, and everyone's got a role to play. As the daughter of Tipsy Bison's owner, yours is to help around the bar, something no matter how much your dad scolds you, you don't seem to care enough to even do a decent job.
Of course, it could be worse: patroling, keeping the cattle or crops, but not even then you're moved enough to give a shit about it.
Enter Joel Miller.
He, who made sure his arrival in Jackson didn't go unnoticed, making heads turn at it, not only because of his emotional reunion with Tommy, the little girl with him, or the fact that he left yet still returned. But also (mainly to you) because he was hot. Very hot.
Joel was the type of handsome that was rough in the edges, his closed-off demeanor and overall mystery adding to the thrill. His face seemed to be in a perpetual state of grief and darkness, sprinkled with grey and wrinkles, that in your opinion, didn't mean about age but just something that made his features all the more attractive.
It was a lie to say there weren't any boys your age in Jackson, good-looking too, yet you felt yourself gravitate towards Joel's musky presence. Yes, he could be your dad, but again, it's the apocalypse, and there are plenty of things to worry about than some age gap.
That doesn't stop the talking, anyway. It may be the end of the world, but gossip is just like cockroaches: it never dies.
The Tipsy Bison owner's daughter is in love with Tommy's older, much older, brother.
It didn't bother you, thought. You were pretty open about it, giving Jackson more to talk. Whenever Joel arrived at the bar, all heads would turn in your direction, ready for the shameless flirting and compliments you showered the oldest Miller in.
Maria had warned you, of course. She was the closest you had to a friend―sometimes being like a big sister, and she seemed to know what he was up to before, at the QZ in Boston, thanks to Tommy. Safe to say, you didn't care, despite listening to every word she had said.
Joel could break your heart, yet in a dying world, you weren't afraid to live.
Which is why now, as he enters the bar, you offer your dad to take his place.
"Go rest, I'll take this client" you offer with kindness, but he knows better. You're his daughter: in the end of the day, he's aware Joel is here, your shift in attitude warning him about Miller's incoming presence.
"If you will take this client, take the rest too" and before your dad can throw a speech about everyone being equal in Jackson, you're accepting to do the job properly, despite your grumbling and lack of interest to anyone who isn't Joel.
"Joel" you greet as soon as he sits, one of the many flirty smiles you have for him only adorning your face. He nods, avoiding your eyes that look at him like he could give you the world. He can't, so he keeps focused on the glass you're pouring in front of him.
"See? Didn't even need to ask. I already know" you seem proud of it, and the ghost of a smile brushes his lips.
"Well" he raises the glass, "it's an easy drink"
You feign hurt, "is that how you treat your bartender? I could poison your drink" Joel now truly smiles, knowing you could never, "or I could just strip you of your my favorite customer rights"
Now he feigns hurt, playing along for the first time in ever.
"Copied" he raises his arms in surrender, not before taking a gulp. You watch hypnotized the way his adam's apple bobs, the liquid sliding down his throat until it looses itself in the peak his two buttons undone give, of what looks to be a broad soft upper body, blessed with a patch of greying messy hair.
"Have they ever complimented you before, Joel?"
You. He refrains from answering, scared as to where little encouraging had led you and your shameless mouth to. He can feel the rest of the people behind him whispering, holes burning his neck. He can't let you win again: make him seem a pathetic excuse of a man who can't say no to a sweet doe-eyed delusional girl.
But you don't stop, despite his silence and the growing pit on your stomach.
"I'll take that as a no. Wanna know why?" he takes a much needed sip, "because all the good pick-up lines are taken"
This he can handle, Joel thinks. It's silly, proper of your age-
"But you aren't"
Ah, of course. Hasn't he learned?
You have the nerve to laugh, free as a wind chime softly carresed by the wind. His face burns, and even thought he's heard plenty of worse from you ("No pen, no paper but you still draw my attention", "Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?" "You must be a dog person because you look fetching"), nothing had affected him this much.
Which is why he tries to pull the mask that had accompanied him since he first knew what grief was, so no feeling would ever made him weak again in a world hardened with pain. He's so good at it, wearing it like a second skin that doesn't scrub off no matter how much he wastes Jackson's water supply away, he sometimes sees the way your face is crestfallen at his indifference.
But you're young and stubborn, as so was he, before all the suffering and broken dreams.
So you won't listen to the past or doubts: the moment he stepped a foot into the community, you knew it was over, beating so loud you could barely hear your own breathing or him, when Maria introduced you and he shook your hand with his much bigger one.
"Joel" he'd said, with the sexiest voice you'd ever heard. His hands were covered in gloves, but despite that and the cold winter, the warmth that pooled from his palms had spread across your cheeks and chest. It had taken you a while to realize you hadn't said anything.
"Y/n" you hate the way your voice sounded small.
He nods, a way of saying Nice to meet you in his withdrawn nature. Then walks away, with Tommy and the girl, who looks curiously at you, Joel completely oblivious of how he's just turned your world upside down.
"Welcome to the museum!" you had said.
He tilted his head in confusion, Ellie's stare intense. "I thought this' Jackson?"
"This is a museum, because you're a work of art"
The tip of his ears instantly reddened, and the laugh Ellie was containing bursted like a bottle of champagne.
"Look at you, old man!" she laughed at him, making you wonder their relationship and how closer they seemed to be, despite initial assumptions. "Can't believe a girl gets the big, grumpy, scary Miller to blush like a boy"
You think that's the reason behind his apathy towards you, barely reacting to your pick-up lines or "subtle" flirting. It's probably not a reason as childish as that, but you'd rather be wrong than accept he may never feel the same way you do.
Because for a moment, despite the times you lived in, life made sense.
So no matter the stares, Joel's guarded posture and lack of reciprocation, you'll always be there, waiting: riding the roller coaster, enjoying the high.
The speed brings you closer, even if that means you'll crash.
Unfortunately for Joel, he knows who you are.
He's not even ten patrolling jobs closer to owning a bottle of whiskey of his own (he thinks earning it is bullshit, hasn't he done already enough?), so he's forced to go to the only place where he can get it.
And of course, there's you: a name and face he couldn't place upon his arrival, even if you had introduced yourself with your shitty line (which made him blush and Ellie laugh, so maybe it was a grudge what made him bent on removing you from his head) yet now is ingraned into his mind.
He doesn't know what's worst: your flirting or the fact that you seemed genuine about it. Or maybe it's the fact that he can tell you apart from the rest now, with a face full of life, always ready to give him your best smile and serve his glass the way he likes.
He needs to be the bigger person in this mess and stop it, Joel thinks. He isn't one to care about the talking, years of being brutal hiding any possible feeling that isn't rage. But then Ellie smuggled her way in his life, he found Tommy again, and Jackson was a reminder of old days when he would allow himself to feel anything else. So, in a way, he's become a bit susceptible to the talking behind his back.
How could he entertain a girl that could be his daughter? hushed, behind his stool. But then your fingers brush "accidentally", and his dick twitches between his legs when you bite your lip, pronouncing a Sorry like no one has said before: a tone so low and sultry, he's convinced wasn't even possible. Then you bat your eyelashes, and laugh (a sound both as delightful as addictive) before you're saying: "Don't mind them. They're just jealous you've got all my attention" and for a brief second, Joel let's himself believe he's special and worth of your time.
It's now a while since he's been there in Jackson, slowly settling into a life that doesn't involve running and fear.
If he thought your little crush was a phase, he's wrong.
You're still giving him time.
He's not supposed to get attached to you, Ellie, Tommy and Maria (future nephew in the way) more than enough. But then, when he's alone in a house too big for two people, Joel misses the way your loud voice fills the eerie silence that's followed him since death has been tracking his every step. Or how your interest on his life doesn't seem an act, listening to every word he says with tender eyes and soft smile, sometimes even making the effort of bringing things he's said before into new conversations; remembering. His heart flutter at your compliments, no matter how dumb they are, probably because he's not used to that stuff. As he lays awake at night, brain clogged with wounds too deep to bear, he finds comfort in things he has a feeling he's too old to get worked up about.
"Joel" you had said one day. God, he loved his name on your lips. The way you say it so sure, as if you'd follow him wherever he'd go.
He coughs. "Yeah?" and you smile, because at least he's looking in your direction.
"The chance of meeting a person like you is the only reason I talk to strangers"
The way your tone was straight, not flinching or faltering scared him. How something akin to sincerity dancing in the sparkles of your eyes, that now seemed to waver not out of whimsy but out of vulnerability, perfectly hidden in what could pass as another one of your attempts to woo him, but Joel's lived and seen enough to know it means much more.
So now, whenever there's darkness, he finds light on replaying those small moments on his head.
Dear God. What's he become? Ellie can't find out or he'll never hear the end of it.
But this things you don't know. All you see is a wall, and you're getting tired of hitting it.
The few words he spares your way are now a punishment you endure, cruel reminder that it's all you'll ever get.
Could you be in love forever? Could you even love?
It was a new feeling. Foreign, in fields of inexperience, but familiars in others. You may have never felt it, but the way your beat was steady when he showed up, worn out boots against the wood creaking under his weight, makes you believe when you know, you know.
"Hello, Joel" your father greets before you speak. Today, no matter how much you tried to shoo him away, he stayed.
You send a small smile his way, but he doesn't return it. You feel small, like a kid, undeserving of his attention. There's a bit of relief knowing your dad's there, so you let him take Joel for you.
There's always a first, and when both your dad and Joel notice, the latter feels a little sting on his chest.
But he's caused this, he thinks. It's what he wanted, after all: for you to stop chasing a man with scars in and out, bearing sins and blood where you had innocence and love.
"We're having a party tonight" he comments, making Joel quirk an eyebrow as he sips.
He gives you a brief glimpse, lost in the curve of your ass in those tight jeans, you giving him your back. He dryly scoffs on instinct at your deliberate choice to ignore him.
"Why's that?"
"My daughter's birthday"
He sees your body tense in the corner of his eye, wiping the glass in your hand with a bit too much force.
"Happy birthday" Joel speaks up, and you mutter a weak Thanks.
That's all he gets? No smile, no looking his way. Just a dry thank you that sounds more like something he would say.
Oh.
Was this how you felt?
"Time sure flies by" your dad sighs nostalgic, completely oblivious to the whole thing. "I feel if it was yesterday we came home from the hospital with you"
You smile, but it doesn't reach your eyes, despite the obvious adoration for your dad.
"Don't get sappy on me" you sound embarrassed.
"I don't care. Twenty-one years later and an apocalypse in the mix, you're still my baby"
"Dad!" your cheeks heat up, and Joel almost forgets he's there, his body back to life when your face goes back to its normal color and happiness.
"Which means" your dad goes back to Joel, "you're invited"
Your laughter dies and Joel's chest tightens.
"You need to stop saying that. All Jackson is invited" you respond, making him flinch. The bite is obvious.
You're not special, is what you try to say in between lines.
"I'll be there" tone daring, and your father feels something has shifted in the air.
You don't answer after that. What are you supposed to say? Don't come? I hate you for making me feel small? He doesn't owe you anything, but it still hurts.
"It's at seven" there's a sharp edge to your tone when looking at him.
"I'll be there" he repeats, still, but it sounds more like who he really is trying to convince is himself.
Joel is there, as promised. You don't know why, but after what happened earlier, for the first time ever, seeing him brings you dread.
He catches you in a corner, sipping on some drink.
"Hi" it's soft, the tone new, and it doesn't help the pit in your stomach.
"Hey"
"Why are you here?" he's curious., "ain't this supposed to be your party?"
It's funny, really. The way everyone else mingles around you, laugh and talk, yet here you are, bitter inside the shadows of your corner.
You raise your glass and chuckle dryly. "Well, cheers to that"
"You shouldn't be here" he insists, and you roll your eyes. Then, his voice goes soft. "Is... Is this because of me?"
You scoff, venom falling out of your bitter laugh. "Wow, big ego you got there. Newsflash: the world doesn't revolve around you"
He's so used to your pinning, it's hard to bear the change.
"I wasn't saying that, I just-"
"Please don't" you cut him off. "Don't ruin my birthday more than you already have, thanks"
You decide to walk away, but Joel won't let you.
"I don't want that" he insists, blocking your steps. "I want you to be happy"
"Don't bullshit me" your tone is icy, cutting like daggers. "Please, leave me alone"
"Not until you're fine"
You scoff at his incomprehensible behavior.
"Oh, now you care? Drop the act; you're just angry I'm not stroking your ego anymore like a lovesick puppy. Truth is, you don't owe me anything, Joel"
He looks like you've slapped him across his face.
"I know" his voice darkens, filled with tension. "But-"
You get tired at Joel's sudden insistence, overwhelming you with confusion. This is the same guy that has uttered less than fifty words your way, indifferent to your flirting and special treatment. Of course, it may have been a little silly of you to expect so much from a guy older even than your dad, but his apathy was borderline rude, and that you can't excuse. Or understand. Or let go.
So yes, you're being petty. And yes, it also feels good to have him begging to have your attention, the roles reversed.
"But what, Joel? Is there anything you can say, really? It's not that serious" you empty the glass in a chug, feeling dizzy. "Live a little and stop being so obssesed with me"
He shoots you a look hard to decipher. There is hurt: from all the emotions available, he chose the one thing you didn't think he'd be capable of feeling. Hell, he looked rather more like the cause than the affected on the other end. But then auburn fires flash behind his eyes, and the circle repeats itself, the danger and rage Maria warned you about.
"Obssesed with you?" his eyes carry a wild light in them. "If anyone is obssesed, well, it ain't me"
"I need air" you push past him, done with his shit.
"I'm sorry-"
The cold wind hits your face as you storm outside the bar. Is this a lesson to be learnt? Was this how heartbreak felt? The only thing you know is you need to get the farthest you can, even if your footsteps feel heavy with the weight of the snowed streets and frigidness of your heart.
"Y/n, wait!"
You turn around. Unbelievable: Joel Miller is running after you.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Joel?!" you shout, "why can't you just leave me alone?!"
"Because I-"
"There's nothing for you to say" you counter, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. "If this is some sort of guilt thing, I need you to let it go. What I did- I mean, you should probably forget about the whole thing. It's my fault, and I'm sorry my reaction is immature and what not, but I should've known to read the signs. You're simply not interested in a girl who hasn't truly lived or known what pain is"
After you confession, you hear a laugh. You raise your eyes, anger and hurt flashing in tears.
"And you have the nerve to fucking laugh?! Fuck you, Joel" you want to walk away to save yourself from further embarrasment yet your feet seem to be stuck.
"Oh, sweetheart. I'm not interested?" you roll your eyes, but he pins you by your shoulders, as if knowing you'd walk away. "Listen, I need you to know somethin': I'm not who you think I am"
"I don't care" you interrupt, defiant. "You're right, I don't know who you are. But I want to. Who you where outside this walls... It doesn't matter, not to me. You did what you had to do to survive, and that brought you here. Jackson... think of it as a second chance. You can still be happy, you know?"
With me, dies in your throat, not wanting to give more of yourself away.
"It's better this way" Joel insists, "hell, you'll even thank me one day. There's plenty of young boys here who'd love to be with you, trust me"
"I don't want them, Joel. What's so hard to understand?" what makes you get closer to him, you don't know, but in a sudden rush of force, you find the courage to look at him, body standing still as you exhale, fears condense in the air. "I only want you"
"You don't" you should roll your eyes again at his stubborn character, but his voice comes out so small, almost as if resignated, that it tugs your chest.
"I do" you reply firmly, cupping his cheek with tender care. He leans in your touch, despite it revealing his true desires when it comes to you.
"Why me?" Joel whispers, bigger hand covering yours, as to prove it's real and the warmth isn't a joke. "Why not a younger, charmin', happy boy your age? Why a broken violent older man?"
His voice breaks after the admission, quietly seeping into heavy silence that falls like the snowflakes in his hair.
"Joel" you call his name softly, making those sad brown eyes look at you. You gulp, nervous at the storm of emotions inside them, "is it so hard to believe you can be loved?"
Your words make him falter, his grip loosing strength as he tumbles back.
"Love?" he repeats with disbelief, as if you'd just say some kind of tale. "There isn't love in this world left for me. Men like me don't deserve good things, especially if they comin' from a pretty girl as yourself"
You shouldn't be blushing at times like this, but the maroon splash on your cheeks betrays you, warm as the drink from before and red as the dim lights casted by Jackson's Christmas tree in the middle of the town.
"Joel" you call again, and he's surprised you're still there. That you hadn't turn your back on him, or looked into his eyes and saw the monster in him, running away to never come back.
"If you let me" you hold his hands to steady him even as they tremble, "I could"
I could love you.
The promise hangs unspoken in the air, the wind now barely above a humming.
"You'd take me" his voice falters, "with all I've done, knowing I've hurted people?" Killed people, but he can't bring himself to say it when you look at him like that: like he could learn to love you.
"Yes" your voice doesn't waver a bit, "every part of you"
"And you'd take me knowin' that I'm years ahead in hurt, age and life?"
"Yes, Joel" you giggle. "Are you making me do an exam on your life? Because that's not fair, you've barely spoken to me, or anyone else for the matter!"
He chuckles, shaking his head.
"I s'ppose life ain't fair, sometimes"
"But it could be" the moonlight of the now clear sky shines over your eyes, and Joel is sure that the stars would be jealous.
"It could" he repeats, as to believe it himself.
Silence settles again, but it doesn't feel suffocating anymore.
"You know, we should probably get inside"
You dissmiss his words. "Nobody has even noticed we're gone"
"What about the cake?"
Your chest feels warm at his concern. He may not believe it, but the old-world Joel, the one who was a contractor in Texas and had a daughter, is still there, somewhere.
"Jackson is real, but miracles not" you laugh, "we don't have those. The party really is just an excuse for dad to drink with his friends during labor hours"
"And yours?" Joel inquires, "where your friends at?"
"Left early" then you lean to his ear, hot where skin meets cold. "I told them to"
He tries, but all words die on his throat.
"Wanna know why I did it?" your fingers wander to his tense jawline, tracing your sharp nails until they descent to his neck, sprinkled with loose hairs from his beard.
"Why?" voice barely above a whisper, his cock painfully hard between his legs. That you don't know: just the glint of dark on his hazel eyes.
"Why don't we find out?" and your hand takes his to lead the way. When he doesn't move, you try other way.
"I'm the birthday girl" you tease softly, but your orbs sparkle with something akin to dangerous. "You better make it up to me"
You've walked this road so many times, yet it's never felt longer.
The house is alone, you'd say, and Joel followed you because well, he'd follow you anywhere. He notices you said 'house', an indicator you still live with your parents. He wonders if you're embarrased, but by the way you smile, inviting him inside, to a part of you intimate and unknown until today, he knows he's chosen right.
When you open the door, cold creeps in through the cracks of warmth. You lead the way to your room, and once you're inside, he thinks it's very you.
"Very me?" you giggle, taking a seat in the bed. Joel watches from the doorframe, his bulky arms crossed. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It's cute" and you think it's not a frequent word in his vocabulary, thanks to the pink dusting his cheeks.
"I'm cute?" you repeat delighted, and the shade of pink turns darker.
He just nods, avoiding your gaze.
"Joel" you call, then pat the spot next to you "why are you so far away? Are you scared?"
He grumbles something under his breath before walking over to where you showed. The bed creaks under his weight, and now that he's closer, you hear the wavering beat of his heart and ragged breaths.
"You are scared" you repeat, a statement now. He thinks you're mocking him, until your sure hand grabs his. "It's okay"
Before he can add on that, your face is too close, your breath tickling over his nose. He feels the moist of your lips press over the brigde of it, with a tenderness that brings ghosts of tears he has since long shade to his eyes.
Then they smoothly move to catch him in a kiss. He lets out a shaky gasp against your mouth, letting himself loose on the whiskey drops inside, an intoxicating mix against his own. His hands find your waist, gripping the soft skin with calloused fingers, refusing to leave it. He squeezes your curves while infiltrating your mouth with his tongue, until he pulls to breath, making you whine.
"Fuck, sweetheart" he nips your lower lip, "ain't you the sweetest thin' to ever exist?"
The kiss gets more heated, his hands now traveling to your face as they hold onto you for support, rough digits meeting peachy skin. Just the mere act of kissing makes him groan against you, too old to be shameful about the needy sounds coming out of his mouth.
"Joel" you whimper his name. He stops and takes the time to bore his gaze over your flushed face, your own dazed eyes mirroring his.
His fingers find their way to your hips again, pulling you closer. The moment caughts you and the bed off guard, the furniture creaking while your eyes move to the hardness visible on his worn-out jeans. You move your head to free your mouth to talk, but that doesn't stop Joel, who hungrily kisses the trace of your jaw and the road starting in your neck and finishing on your collarbones.
"Is that because of me?" Joel whines against your lips, yet you can't stop staring at the very big silhouette. "Oh, happy birthday to me"
Joel whines when you tear way from him, his hands loosing grasp on your body. You move up against the headboard, spreading your legs for him to put himself in between them.
You take off your clothes, and his eyes don't leave your body as if it's a show for him. He can drool at the sight of your breasts, rosy skin waiting for his tongue and teeth to sink on it. He leans closer, eyes looming at moles he could beg to kiss.
Now you, your expectant eyes plea. Joel's posture adquires a guarded air, as he grows self-conscious.
"Stop staring at me like that" he nervously chuckles.
"Is there something wrong?" your sweet voice inquires, laced with concern. He gulps, kind of afraid and embarrased of what you would say.
"I'm..." his voice comes out strained, "I just-"
His mind briefly wanders to Tess, how she never said anything, rather busy seeking the warmth of his body without commenting about it. The act mattered over the feelings, which where in her eyes but not his heart. But now, his heart beats in a different sound, one where he wishes you won't judge a body crossed with the roughness of scars yet the softness of extra weight.
"M' just warnin' you, doll" the nickname brings butterflies in your stomach, "this body's seen better days"
He removes the layers of clothing: flannel first, and then tight white long sleeved shirt. He's left in his jeans, unbuckling his belt that falls to the floor with a thud. His breathing turns to panting, afraid to meet you in the eye.
"Joel" you repeat his name, bringing him back to reality. "Look at me"
He's killed people, faced raiders as much as infected, and other countless things, so he dares himself to look up, breath hitching when he finds you eating him with your eyes.
"Fuck, Joel. I didn't know you were so pretty under those dirty ass flannels"
You knew he'd be handsome; that's literally the reason why you chose to flirt with him. But now that he's completely stripped off his layers of warm clothing, it's even better. You can't stop your hungry eyes from roaming his body, lingering on the soft swell of his stomach, hanging over the waistband of his underwear. A scar that looks deep is near his belly button, and you wonder if he'll ever tell you why. There's a patch of hair over his soft chest your tongue wants to lick. And of course, his strong arms packed with broad shoulders that make you want to scream.
"Stop lying" he chastises, but there's a smile adorning his features. A true smile on Joel fucking Miller's face. What a rare sight; you need to see it more.
"W-where your condoms?" he asks, nervous.
That catches you off guard, too busy cooing over how a man so big and sturdy could fold that easily, looking and sounding small.
"I'm not sure. I mean, maybe on my parents room but I-"
You cut yourself. Joel's concerned gaze finds you. "Yes?"
"I want you, Joel" the intensity of your stare terrifies him. "All of you"
He falls closer to you, forehead against your own. He can't bring himself to look at you, so he closes his eyes and dares to ask:
"Are you sure you want this?"
Are you sure you want me?
"Don't you trust me?" you're all smiles, even if your voice is soft. "I want you. I truly do"
He's hiding his face into your shoulder until you feel his lips pressing against your now bare skin, making you shiver.
"Where you want me, birthday girl?" he says between kisses. "Tell me, sweetheart. I'm all ears"
"Please, Joel" you unhook your bra, letting your breasts free. His lips begin to kiss his way to your breasts, tongue teasing the skin before nipping it. Joel's teeth catch the hardened nipple, grazing it lightly.
"S'pretty" he sounds drunk, and you love the way he looses himself in the pleasure haze.
He continues kissing your breasts before positioning himself right so he can hover above you. The kisses turn wet and sloppier, as if all his energy was to be spent into the rosy skin.
"Can I taste you, sweetheart?" he lowers his head to your entrance, already soaking wet with your arousal. "Fuck me, if this ain't a meal"
"The best in all Jackson" you joke, but the laugh dies in your throat when Joel's nose ghosts over your throbbing pussy.
"I- fuck, Joel" you moan when he licks your folds, his tongue an expert. For a brief moment, you think of who came before you, and if this is what they got or you're getting the best version. His saliva mixes with your dripping juices, making you whine as his tongue licks your swollen folds. His fingers then slowly inserted themselves inside at the same time, moving in and out of your puffy walls. His groans mix with the sound of your whines and the furniture creaking, the sounds obscene and feeling so far from the outside world.
"You're so good at this, baby" his sweat mixes with the blush on his face because of the nickname, nose pressed against your clit as he keeps up the ministrations. "D-don't stop"
"This pussy's so pretty" he says, "and s'only for me, yeah?"
"Yes, Joel. Only yours" you whine, your orgasm approaching. All of your body feels on fire, every touch inching the burn in your stomach closer as his head remains between your legs, tongue insatiable. You come all over his face, your hands digging into his damp locks as you scream his name to the air.
Joel raises his head to capture your lips on a wet kiss, the taste of you inside your mouth and dripping from his coated beard.
"Ain't you sweet" you open your legs further. "You're such a tease, sweetheart. Gon'be the death of me"
"I just like seeing you like this" you admit.
"Means?"
"So fucking needy"
A borderline primal grumble births from his throat. "You've a filthy mouth on you, sweetheart" he chuckles while wrapping your legs around his waist and lining himself up. Joel's tip runs up and down your folds, grazing your clit long enough to make you gasp.
"And you're s'fuckin' tight" he mumbles under his breath. You gasp for air as you try to adjust yourself to the huge size of his girth, afraid you bit more than what you can chew. His pace starts slow but gradually picks up a rougher and quicker pace. Joel grunts between thrusts, yet takes his time to make sure his lips kiss every mole sprinkled across your face and chest, his favorite just above your left eyebrow.
"I want ya' to come first, like a present" blush crosses through his face again. He leaves teasing kisses against your face, as you wail, finally hitting you.
"I'll wait for you" you whisper, your hips aiding you to sustain his sloppy thrusts, "want you to come too. Inside"
You feel his softening dick twitch, suddenly rock hard again. Oh, so he was into that.
"Don't worry, I have a pill" you explain. "So go ahead, pretty boy. Show me if the size matches the talk"
"Bet" his voice acquires a darkness to it. "Gonna fill you with all of it, until you milk my cock dry. Gonna fill this pretty pussy until it's full of my seed and it leaks for days"
He follows right after, groaning into your shoulder, where he bits the skin. His tongue wets the area, to relief the pain, yet you like it. Thick ropes of cum paint your puffy heat creamy, Joel panting as he stares down at you.
"What?" you chuckle.
Maybe Jackson was a safe haven. Heaven incarnate. Maybe second chances were real, and for the first time in years, he feels safe.
"I don't deserve you" he voices his thoughts, forehead pressed against yours as he tries to even his breathing, yet each breath seems more labored than the last.
Your hands travel to his face, cupping it with tender hands. He leans on the touch, because despite his crimes and past dawning upon him, he's a man: one seeking comfort on a pretty face and anything that'll remind him of distant emotions that can still exist despite what the world has become. Joel's hands travel to yours, thumb brushing skin free of scars and pain. He envies and loves the beauty in your face, eyes full of something akin to affection looking back, blurring the pain mirrored on his own. You kiss him again, and he can feel the emotions in the tip of your tongue.
"You're wrong" your voice holds a quiet determination. Time was a precious gift, but in Jackson, time could be, and the resolve longing tells him you'll be there. I'm not going anywhere, Joel. Not without you. "We all deserve love, Joel"
Joel Miller is a man who finds it hard to trust, yet, when he takes a look at your eyes―warm as coffee, he allows himself to believe in you.
#dilfistwrites#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x you#joel miller#joel miller tlou#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#joel miller angst#jackson!joel miller#tlou#tlou fanfiction#joel tlou#the last of us#tlou hbo#tlou joel
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I haven't drawn Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss redesigns since last year and the fandom still regularly tags me/picks fights with me over them. I did not think a couple drawings would live in people's heads so rent free.
Like you can go find my redesigns on twitter, they're still very public. I just label them as "Angel Dust redesign" or "Alastor redesign". The only time I think I explicitly called a design bad was when I said I found Beelzebub's design atrocious. Which it is. It's an overdesigned mess that doesn't convey the sin at all, I'm allowed to say I don't like it. And even still, when I posted the art, I still labeled it as "Beelzebub redesign".
I'm not going to forget when you fans regularly stalked my account and PATREON just to figure out when I would upload the redesigns. You think I forgot about when I posted my Angel Dust redesign which was just meant to improve my old design and you people harassed me for days? You accused me of "baiting" fans because you are so self-obsessed you think everything I do is explicitly to upset you. You people misgendered me, told me to kill myself, called me a fucking cockroach and flat out threatened to assault me multiple times. Sure I was harsh about my critiques, but I didn't resort to homophobic and transphobic comments like you people did with my Angel Dust redesign because for some unexplained reason you diehard fans who have been following this project for 10 years didn't know that he's meant to be a drag queen. When I did a quick redesign of Katie Killjoy on my personal tumblr, guess what? You people flipped the fuck out, AGAIN.
I can't even talk about my own religion without you sad, paranoid losers thinking I'm trashtalking hazbin hotel. You made up some rumor that I block all Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss fans (despite being mutuals/friends with people who are fans of the shows or actually work on them) just so you could justify harassing me even more. You told me for years that I should wait until the Hazbin series dropped to get my full thoughts out and when it did you people still freaked out and berated me.
Even when I talked about my situation after posting my Angel Dust redesign, instead of apologizing, fans claimed I planned this hostile reaction to begin with to make the fandom look bad. That I was "pulling a transphobia card" for sympathy. I didn't do shit. You people have gotten more aggressive about your hate towards me because people finally saw how incredibly inappropriate and vile you people act over a midtier cartoon written by someone who has so many allegations of bullying, transphobia, racism and workplace abuse that it's become harder and harder for you to deny, so you take out your unrepressed anger on me.
I know the only reason you people target me is because I'm a big artist who doesn't kiss Viv's ass. You want me to be a diehard fan of hers like every other big artist you people bully into worshipping Viv and her show and I won't do it. So you just obsessively stalk and monitor my account and accuse every little thing I do as a spiteful attack so you can justify your little harassment campaigns again. It's pathetic.
Seek help, find a hobby, stop obsessing over people who don't like the same thing as you. It's getting sad.
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TACTICAL DISTRACTION
Summary: Task Force 141 goes undercover at a nightclub for a mission. You wore a bold, eye-catching "Euphoria"-style outfit to distract a VIP guard, allowing the team to infiltrate undetected.
A/n: 2/10 COD fics posted! And yes, I did put some designs here and there lmao. Requests are open for COD/Tf141
The loud music vibrated through the crowded nightclub, neon lights flickering around the club. Task Force 141 was scattered across the room, each blending into the crowd while keeping their eyes on the mission. They all sported casual outfits to stay low-profile—Soap in a bomber jacket and jeans, Gaz in a leather jacket, Price looking like an unassuming older patron in a dark button-up, and Ghost opting for a simple black hoodie. But you? Oh, you stood out like a beacon, wrapped in an outfit that screamed Euphoria—sparkles, mesh, and barely-there fabric that had them all questioning the mission.
Soap leaned closer to Ghost, trying to be heard over the music. “She’s really leanin’ into it, yeh?” he said with a chuckle, gesturing to you as you sauntered toward the VIP area.
Ghost’s eyes, partially obscured by his hood, followed your path.“Bloody ‘ell, she’s got the lad starin’ like he’s never seen a woman before,” he muttered, lips twitching like he wanted to smirk but wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction.
Price’s voice crackled in their earpieces. “Stay focused, lads. We’ve got a job to do.”
Meanwhile, you approached the guard stationed outside the VIP room. The man barely registered you at first, but as soon as you flashed a sly smile and toyed with a strand of your hair, he stiffened.
“Hey there,” you purred, leaning closer. The guard blinked, clearly trying to keep his composure but failing miserably as his eyes darted over your outfit.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” he stammered.
“Really?” you teased, brushing your fingers lightly along his arm. “I thought this was where all the fun people went.” Your tone dripped with playful mischief, and you stepped even closer, making sure his eyes were only on you.
In the comms, Soap snorted. ““She’s bloody good at this. Poor lad’s practically droolin’.”
Gaz’s voice chimed in. “She’s making it look way too easy. Remind me not to owe her a favor.”
While you kept the guard distracted with flirty banter, Price and Ghost slipped behind him unnoticed, disappearing into the VIP room. You caught the faintest glimpse of Ghost’s nod before turning your attention back to the guard.
“So,” you said, leaning on the counter beside him, “what’s a guy like you doing in a place like this? You don’t look like you’re here for the party.”
He chuckled nervously, completely oblivious to what was happening behind him. “I’m... working.”
“Oh, that’s too bad.” You tilted your head, pouting slightly. “You deserve to have some fun. Maybe…with me?”
Price’s voice crackled in your earpiece. “Good work, love. We’re in.”
You smiled sweetly at the guard, then straightened up. “Actually, I just remembered—I’ve got somewhere else to be.” Before he could respond, you turned on your heel and walked away, leaving him utterly confused and flustered.
As you rejoined the team near the club's exit, Soap greeted you with a wide grin. “Ye’ve got a dangerous talent, love. That was somethin’ else,”
You smirked, tossing your hair over your shoulder. “What can I say? I’m a professional.”
Ghost’s low voice cut through the banter. “Next time, let one o’ us handle the target, aye? You’re gonna put the lot of us in an early grave.”
You laughed, shooting him a teasing look. “What? Jealous, Simon?”
He didn’t respond, but the slight tilt of his head told you everything you needed to know.
Gaz came up next, leaning casually on the wall beside you. “You know,” he said, his voice smooth, “if you ever decide this whole Task Force thing isn’t for you, you’ve got a bright future in acting. Or breaking hearts.” He gestured to the VIP entrance. “That poor guy’s probably still trying to figure out what just happened.”
You smirked, crossing your arms. “He'll be fine...”
Price chuckled from behind his cigar, his tone playful but warm. “I don’t know if I should be impressed or worried. You might’ve set the bar a little too high for the rest of us, love.”
“Oh, don’t be jealous, Captain,” you teased, tilting your head at him. “I’m sure you’d be great at flirting your way past security.”
That got a laugh from the group, even Ghost, who stood a little apart but was still listening.
“Flirting’s not exactly my specialty,” Ghost finally said, his voice low and dry. “But if I did, it wouldn’t involve wearin’… that.” His gaze flicked over your outfit, lingering just a second too long.
“Aw, you don’t like it?” you said, feigning a pout. “I thought it was pretty effective.”
Soap interjected before Ghost could reply, grinning wickedly. “Oh, don’t mind him, bonnie. He’s just a wee bit shy.” He pulled you closer, his hand lingering a little longer than necessary. “Though if you’re takin’ votes, I’d say the outfit’s a bloody masterpiece.”
Gaz raised a hand. “Seconded. Might need to keep it on standby for future missions. You know, for ‘tactical purposes.’”
You rolled your eyes, shaking off Soap’s arm but laughing as the group continued to rib you. “You’re all acting like you weren’t ogling me from the second I walked out in this.”
Price raised an eyebrow, an innocent look on his face. “Who, us? Neva'.”
Soap leaned in, resting his chin on your shoulder. "I mean, ye can’t blame us, lass. Ye’ve got a certain… presence about ye". His voice dropped to a mock-whisper. “Dangerously distractin’, really. Almost too good at yer job”
Gaz smirked, nudging Soap out of the way to stand closer to you. “Ignore him. If anyone’s got the charm to keep up with you, it’s me.”
You laughed, hands on your hips as you looked between the group. “You’re all hopeless, you know that?”
A/n: WKWKKW IM HAVING TROUBLE DOING SOAP'S ACCENT
Buy me a coffee?
#cod#cod x reader#tf 141 x reader#tf141#ghost x reader#price x reader#simon riley x reader#john soap mactavish#soap x reader#simon ghost riley#kyle garrick#kyle gaz garrick#x reader
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Busy, Dying. Part 1;
Series Masterlist
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader
Summary: In an in-between place called his life, Joel Miller is alone. In search of a cure. In need of a miracle. In want of God.
Can I interest you in a cure for loneliness? She'd asked him in a language without words. Taking it is the easy part. Letting her go is impossible.
-OR-
an a/b/o soulmates AU
Rating: Explicit 18+
Content Warnings: No Outbreak AU, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Soulmates AU, Infidelity, Cheating, HEA!!!!!, Angst, Fluff & Smut, Mating Bites, Knotting, Heat Sex, Breeding Kink, Group Therapy, Social Experiments, Basically puppy training for unsocialized Alphas, And by God that man will be house trained by the time she’s done with him!, Complicated family dynamics, Discussions of self harm, Depression, Existential Angst, Author returns not with a whimper but with a KNOT, I wrote this in a very unserious state of mind beware
A/N: Gray November, I've been down since July - but we're so back, baby. I’ve missed this so bad. I’ve missed you all, I won’t drone on and on. I hope you enjoy, and please talk to me in the comments. Update me on what I’ve missed, let me know how you’ve been and what’s happening in your life.
A great heartfelt thank you to all of my wonderful friends who so supportively cheered me on while I struggled to write this. Sincerely the best people I know.
Love you all madly.
Word Count: 6.5K
Read on AO3
Part 1;
The old linoleum tiles are the most peculiar shade of puce, and Joel has realized that there is someone sitting at the back of the room who smells… strange.
More brown than purple—an ugly color. There’s something about it that fascinates him.
The woman that is currently speaking tells of her husband; it’s the only tale she has to tell. She’s been doing it for weeks, and they all know it well by now. Older, omega, the woman, and at the latter and less comely stage of life. Most of them here can say the same. They usually give their names, those that get up to share—although it’s never a requirement when you attend, it is highly encouraged—the sharing, he means—but he never pays much mind to them—the names, that is. That’s not what he’s here for after all—to make friends. Although, he does see how that’d be the initial assumption.
Joel Miller is here for something more specific.
Six weeks he’s been showing up to these things now, and he’s yet to take a turn. He tells himself he’s working up to it.
What that specific thing is…he hasn’t quite figured out. He’s listening for it, though, and intently, even if he does skip over the names. It’s the details of what they’re telling that matter to him. The hows and intricate whys of what it is that brought them here today.
Her youth had been spent on a drunk, the woman is saying—her husband—and he’d been cruel to her in those days when there was still currency to spend in the form of her vitality. Joel nods at the puce—yes, he thinks, that’s usually the way of it. But later, there’s more to the story she reminds her audience, he drank himself into a fit, and had never been right since. The cruelty had been taken away from the marriage after that, and she’d been put in charge.
“But I wonder,” she says, “If sometimes I don’t miss it, the way he’d been,” —if the reason she was here now, with all of the rest of them that were just like her in their own unique ways, was that she’d been left lonely after her cruel husband had been exchanged for a sick one.
Joel nods again and wonders what sort of face the woman wears as she confesses but doesn’t bother to check. No matter, he knows they’re the same. If not in designation, then in heart.
It’s easy, that thing, he does it too, to wish for the bad. To want to hold on to it, the thing that hurts. Addictive, even, in some cases. Missing it is easy.
It’s why he’s here.
And it’s what they promise you. In their flyers and pamphlets, when they stand on the corners of streets talking people up wearing that look in their eye and that slouch in their step, when they smell it on you—or in the lack there of—a mate or a purpose.
Welcome to our meeting. We’re here to find the cure for loneliness.
That’s what they promise you when you come here.
It’d been that word: loneliness, actually, that had caught him. L-O-N-E-liness. There was something attractive about it to him. Not a label but a state.
You see, it was like this: Joel had seen a therapist once, several years ago, against his will and at the behest of another, who’d said all the wrong things in all the wrong ways.
“You sound depressed, Joel,” the therapist had told him.
He’d worn horn rimmed glasses and had a shiny bald head he could see the reflection of the overhead lights in. And worse—the non-scent of a beta which told him they’d never understand each other in the ways Joel longed to be understood. He’d—not hated him, necessarily—but felt an immense apathy for the man; more so than the regular apathy he felt for most things in his life.
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Very, very sad,” was the official diagnosis.
Joel hadn’t liked the sound of the word. The label. He did not like that a word so succinct could be ascribed to him and all that had happened to him in his life. There was no word for it. It just was.
But there was something different about a state of aloneness, which if attributed to himself, he could accept. He had been left alone, in ways. It was a tangible thing he could look around a room inside of himself and recognize.
They’re meetings, is what this place is—encounter groups this coalition offers where lonely demi humans can come to congregate, discuss their aloneness, what had led them to such a state; their lack of attachments, connections, mates—alpha, omega. Held in the basement of the Emmanuel Episcopal Church on Newbury street, right between his shop and house, although they never talk about religion which he likes because he doesn’t believe in religion.
God is still under review.
He wonders if the Catholics wouldn’t have them.
Sitting forward in his seat, the metal folding chair that always leaves his back aching something fierce, he presses his elbows into his knees to distract with alternative pressure. Focusing on his fingers woven together between his spread legs, he tries to pay attention to the man who’s stood up to speak now. Older than himself, late sixties, no children, no family, no nothin’; he’d run them all off.
But Joel is distracted.
The smell is stronger now. Stranger too. Something full bodied, but metallic like rust, astringent bleach, built in a way that forces saliva to pool heavy between his suddenly aching gums. A mask that sits atop something of a much different chemical architecture—that’s the strange part.
Or—no. The back of his neck itches, and Joel lifts a palm to cup his nape, quell the sting, feel the tender mark. No. The strange part is not the illusion of the smell. What it is, actually, is that he’s fairly certain what he’s smelling is someone else's blockers. Something which he’s positive he’s never consciously noticed on another person in the thirty plus years since he’d presented as an alpha.
He has, suddenly, the quite intense urge to peek over his shoulder, certain that he’ll be caught smelling things he has no business smelling. That there will be someone just there, breathing down the nape of his neck with accusation on their tongue—boo!
Silly. But he’d known today would not be a good day.
It’d started off wrong. The milk had gone sour overnight, the check engine light had come on in his truck, all his socks were suddenly mismatched with not a single pair to be found, and his usual route to work had been waylaid by some freak accident. A tree split in half, one side into a house, the other into the road. Not a sign of lightning in the sky all night long.
Perhaps he might be compelled to believe in God after all.
Joel does not like it when things are out of order or out of the ordinary. His life was organized in a way that never caused him strife or excess. And it was not that he was stuck in his ways, only that he enjoyed his routine and disliked when things were not as they should be. And this—whatever it is he’s smelling, whoever—is not as it should be.
The older gentleman, an Alpha too, is still speaking. He had a daughter, has, who no longer speaks to him. Won’t even take his money. He’d had a long career in government that’d filled him with greed and paranoia and a radical view of life that refused to align with the way young people saw the world now. Perhaps he’d tried to change at certain times, but he was old and set in his ways. Or maybe he hadn’t wanted to change as badly as he should have when he still had the chance to. Happily stuck in the past. His wife had died, and his daughter had gone away from him. Too tired of his mediocrity as a father to give him another chance.
The man sounds like he feels sorry for himself. Like he thinks himself the victim, and this one, Joel does look up at. He looks old and worn down, heavy beer pouch and thinning hair and sagging jowls. A sad and lonely man. Joel wonders if that’s how he looks to the other people in this room, as well.
“No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good.” Joel blinks, looks at him more closely, tries very hard to find similarities between themselves. But no—not quite right, not the thing he’s looking for. Their plight is different. This man is not alone, he’s got his weakness to keep him company.
The one thing Joel had fought like hell to keep out of his repertoire of issues. He’d run from even the possibility of it as soon as she was dead, left Texas straight for the Northeast and from thereafter, everything he’d done, he’d done with a staunchness of character. If at the end of it, that staunchness was made up of apathy or numbness or dissociative fury, well, then at least he wasn’t still that man who’d been too weak to save his daughter.
That counted very much in Joel’s book.
An overabundance of cold numbness, little anger, everything a static haze—an abstinent winter. That was his whole life. But then, look at him now, he was here, wasn’t he? He’d taken that brochure handed to him on that last warm Tuesday weeks ago as he’d headed back to the shop from lunch.
Hello, sir. Could I interest you in a cure for loneliness? The young omega had said.
It’d started like anything—an experiment or a desperate ploy. The monotony had been steady going the past few years, getting older, colder. He’d grown hard and solitary around his wound, loneliness spread like a fungus, and he’d longed for any sort of change.
“A cure…how?” The terrible shrink had come to mind.
“Oh, nothing to fret over.” The young man had a nice smile, Joel remembers. Kind and straight toothed. Honest in the way that a stranger knocking on your door to sell you a Bible seems honest. “We call it an encounter group. People come, share, tell the tales of their designation and their lives. In the end, the result is different for different people. Some move on to a second step if they need more. Others find what they’re looking for just through the connection of sharing. But no matter the result, you’ll see, you’ll be cured. Promise.” He’d winked, smile deepening, giving him an appreciative once over at the end of his spiel. Joel had blinked back, surprised, confused, but curiosity peaked enough he’d obsessed over it for three short days before he’d found himself stepping into the molted incense smell of the belly of a church so dimly lit he was sure not even God peaked in this sad space any longer.
“It’s that easy?” Joel had asked, childlike in his throat-strangled hope.
“That easy.”
It seemed the smile had been honest enough to sell him the Bible.
The scent insists upon itself as the older gentleman finishes up, and Joel’s nose tickles with whatever it is it’s whispering at him. He wants to get up and walk out, run away, but suddenly his gut is tight and hot, and he isn’t sure he can actually stand up without disgracing himself in front of all these people. A wash of agonized heat moves through him, confused at what’s suddenly happening to his body.
“We have a newcomer today sharing for the first time,” Maria, the woman who leads the group, says at the front of the room. “Everyone give her a warm welcome, it’s her first day and already she’s brave enough to jump on up here.”
There’s the shuffling of bodies in their seats, a cleared throat, the man sitting behind Joel breathes so loudly he thinks he’s gotta have some sort of medical condition, the puce turns more hideous by the second, and his own heart is beating so hard in his ears the rush of blood is dizzying. He feels each thump of the thing against his breast bone in some sick imitation of a fist begging to be let out.
The new voice begins as nothing but a murmur.
An introduction—he misses the name. His breathing goes shallow, he’d tip over in his seat if he didn’t have both boots planted firmly against the puce. The voice gains strength and with it, Joel wishes he’d been paying attention from the start. He didn’t get to hear her name.
It’s a girl.
She’d run away from home in the spring of her sixteenth year to join the opera, she tells them. Had come upon the city in roaring spring and thought the rest of her life would be exactly like that, pure novelty in bloom, nothing like what she’d left behind. And was deeply disappointed when the reality was nothing such.
And Joel hears it, that disappointment in her voice at what she’d not been able to find after searching for it so religiously. This is what makes him look up at her. This, unlike all the others, he thinks he can relate to—just by the sound of her voice. The search for a thing lost which can never again be found. The fruitlessness of it all.
At that first vulnerable, terrified glance, she’s already staring at him, eyes catching like hooks.
He blinks once, twice—color—is sure he can hear the movement of his eyelashes passing through the air, the stick of his lids meeting—color—bright. This is it.
That wash of heat turns into a blaze, every single bead of sweat blooming on his brow is a tell evaporating into the ether. This is what he’d sensed from the start of the evening. Maybe even from the moment he’d seen that split maple.
“My mother always said I needed to be stronger, bolder, not so sensitive.” She looks away from him now. “I grew up in an angry house where you had to fight tooth and nail not to be overrun. Because of this, I left it at a very young age, and it was the greatest fight I could muster, abandoning that house of anger. I found myself something to bring me what I thought would be joy, a job and a city, and for a time, it was enough. But starting your lonely life so young…it’s hard.” After a pause of breath, “It’s been hard.”
“And it’s made me never want to have to—exert myself,” she says, searching for the right words, smiling when she finds them, and Joel has the urgency to smile back. “Now, I never want to have to be strong. I never want to have to try. I want to only be the way that I am. If that’s weak or sensitive or whatever it might be at any given moment, I don’t care. I don’t want to have to fight. I never want to be in an angry house again. I want someone who’ll see this in me and understand and never make me work for it, that they would give it to me willingly, easily, without me having to ask. Do you understand?” She looks about the room, and he hopes her eyes will land on him again, and even though they don’t, he feels she’s speaking directly to him. He nods, the hook of her temptation cast beneath his chin. “This is a fantasy. And it makes for a lonely existence. This idea of how I need it to be for it to be right—love.” She looks down at her hands folded atop the podium where they go to stand at the front of the group and share, and he wills her gaze to find him amidst the crowd again. “It’s so difficult. And this might seem very bad to you, weak willed, but it’s not. It’s only very honest. Which can never be a bad way to be.” That’s why she’s here, she tells them.
Finally, she looks back at him, and it’s that loneliness of two people amidst a crowd, facing one another, knowing themselves mirrored against the other and yet still disparate. There’s something indecent about the way she looks at him in front of all these people, the way he, in turn, looks back. A little bit like finding your own face on a stranger's body in a crowded room. Color rises to his face, and she gives him that same elusive smile from before.
He’s the one to look away this time.
As the crowd disperses for coffee and pastries after the last of the speakers, he searches for her. He needs to ask her name, feels as if he’s some blighted creature without it, swears he’ll never forgo attention during a meeting again if he can fish it out of her.
He finds her at the dessert table, Maria at her side and a hand at her shoulder. Something of a thank you is being imparted between the two women. The girl is saying she’s grateful for the welcome, grateful that they’d found each other.
Joel has things to be grateful to Maria for, too. His brother, mainly. It’d been pure chance that Joel had met her here, that she knew Tommy also. She’d met his brother on a summer trek to Wyoming where they’d become friends and had kept in touch afterwards. The woman has a thing about her that ingratiates people by sheer force of will. Perhaps it’s that she’s an alpha, too. Perhaps it’s just the charisma and wide smile. The fact that she has a countenance that takes no shit from anyone, that makes demands of a person whether they’ve got any give or not. But whatever the case, they’d realize their connection through Tommy, and she kept Joel updated on his brother whom he’d not spoken with in many years.
Watching the two women stand together and share that easy thanks that Joel so urgently owes, and yet which he cannot voice, he feels, suddenly, so angry. So awkward. So humiliatingly inexperienced. So unable to grapple with the pain of human contact, the fascination of it, the humiliating necessity.
That decade old anchor weighing him in place and the guilt of even thinking of it as such.
I feel decrepitly alone and odd, he thinks. And how strange, no? He was a normal man. He has a normal job. He lives in a normal house. Unexceptional in every sense. Everything in his life had been ordinary up until that one great tragedy. And then, as if none of the before had ever existed, it was as if everything afterwards was one great landslide of wrongness. The filth of it slinging mud all over his life so that nothing had ever been right after her.
So that now he cannot even approach this girl whose name he needs to know, and Maria, to whom he owes the last surviving connection to his brother.
As Maria turns to go, she gives him an encouraging nod, sending him into an agony of shyness. She’d sensed him hovering.
The girl remains at the dessert table, perusing the pastries. He can see her fingertips dancing over the golden, sugared confections, before she settles on a plain, glazed donut. He watches the bend of her elbow, bringing it to her mouth and thirty seconds later, the empty hand reaching for a napkin. He can’t help the huff of laughter it draws from him.
Watching the unknown creature with her back turned, he peers down the length of himself. Wood stain marred t-shirt, old work jeans and scuffed boots, he’d come straight from the shop. Looking back at her, she seems perfectly packaged and pristine. The two of them, different as chalk and cheese. He tells himself he shouldn’t do it, turn around and go, leave her alone, as he steps up beside her at the table.
Immediately, there’s the heat of her skin, the smell of her shampoo, and he realizes, and it’s silly because it should’ve been obvious from the get go, she’s an omega. The epiphany, not that she is one, but that he’d been too stupid and oblivious to notice, leaves him feeling vulnerable and angry.
Any sort of hello that’d been coming alive on his tongue immediately dies. And he’s about to make a run for it once again when she speaks up from beside him, “Would you like a donut?” Her small fingers are dancing over the pastries, searching once again. “I haven’t had one yet,” she lies, “I can’t decide which looks best.”
The dancing hand pauses over a golden brown puff pastry, seemingly coming to a decision, when she turns to look up at him. The scent of her isn’t just shampoo, not just the blockers he’d shockingly picked up on before, sharp, burning his nose. It’s her skin now, too. The dry sweat from hustling under her coat to make it to her first meeting on time salted along her limbs. Hot, sweet almonds. The shocking vermillion of the morning’s split maple comes to mind. He can smell her.
“A puff pastry?” She presses, quizzical crook to her brow at his silence and glower. “I think you really need something sweet. It’ll make you feel better.”
He wants to agree, to say he also thinks he needs something sweet. All he can manage is a short grunt because she smells…indescribable. Honeyed musk, something heady, like she herself had just got done baking, straight out of the oven and full of sugar into his waiting mouth.
That earlier anger, it kicks up a notch. Why isn’t he fucking saying anything?
She shrugs, as she lifts the puff pastry to her mouth he finally manages sound.
“You stink.”
He doesn’t know when he became such a liar.
A pause, mouth open, straight, white teeth ready to bite into the fluffy sweet bread. He can see her small, pink tongue, and it makes him go a little woozy.
He might be losing his mind.
She’s got elegant eyebrows that shoot straight up her smooth forehead. The look of her skin is glorious. “Excuse me?”
Now, there seem to be too many words spilling out of his mouth. “You need better meds or somethin’. Need to sort your shit out. Can’t go gallivanting about the world smellin’ like that.” Oh god, shut up.
“Excuse me!” She takes a huge bite of the pastry. “I do not gallivant,” she shoots back, mouth full of sugar and Joel goes hot everywhere. “What is wrong with you?” she demands, the pursing of a prim little mouth as she chews, eyeing him maliciously.
He hasn’t the damndest clue.
She is not wary of him in the slightest, which in turn tells him he needs to be wary of her.
Another large bite, inexplicably she extends her free hand towards him—potentially going into shock and entirely out of his depth when he takes it, the vulnerability of tendon and muscle soft beneath his strength—offering him a firm shake. She gives him her name.
In that moment, she has a look about her that tells him she’ll bite back if he isn’t careful, even if she hurts herself in the process.
And now he knows you.
-
“We might as well acquaint ourselves if you’re going to insult me. Don’t you think?” Peering up at him, he’s tall, well over six feet, and broad shouldered. Older, distinguished, but in a rough way, hewn oak, gray. “Are you typically this rude? Or is this a special occasion?”
Incredibly handsome.
“I’m being serious.”
“I do not stink. No one has ever said that to me, and my blockers are quality. It must be a you problem.” The puff pastry really is very good. And this man really is very handsome. Coming here today was a good idea.
One of the girls from the theater had suggested it, handing you a pamphlet with Looking for the Cure for Loneliness? emblazoned across the top, and even though she’d done it kindly, any other person would’ve taken the implication as an insult. Hey girl! No offense, but we all in the company think you’re super weird and have you heard about this support group for losers? Kind of like Omegas Anonymous!
Those hadn’t been her exact words, and you hadn’t taken offense. After the initial agony of embarrassment, you’d warmed to the idea. You’d heard of groups like these before. Congregations of demi humans where one could come to find community or connection. Be it socializing or support for people struggling with their designations and all that they implied, they served their purpose. And anyways, you weren’t in a position to be nitpicky.
It’s true, you’re alone.
So alone, in fact, that even the people around you could tell. Strangers, coworkers, your roommate and her girlfriend. Like some noxious cloud of loneliness following you around virtue signaling the desperate need for love and companionship and understanding you’re so in need of.
You increasingly saw yourself as a dancer on her toes, trembling delicately all over, vying desperately to survive to the end of the song. A monster with too many heads. A Cerberus of the richest caliber.
Two or three would’ve been acceptable—heads—but you'd long surpassed that and moved on to something unrecognizable and unpleasant. Desperately in need of a solution.
“Maybe you’re the one that stinks. Maybe it’s your upper lip.” And voila, the monster makes her debut.
“My—” The rude alpha, obvious, that one, lets out a choked sound, a deeper wash of color immediately flooding his cheeks. You dip your head sideways, appraising him as you polish off your second pastry. He has pretty bone structure, masculine, and after he’s done choking and spluttering, he can’t help but laugh a little bit. You see it.
Beneath a mouth that looks forbidding, perhaps even a little cruel, you can sense that he is not an unkind man.
Yet you’re not so green that you can’t recognize the gnawing hunger of loneliness in others. There’s always a reason people find themselves in places like these. His face, edged with the weariness of age, makes this obvious. He has good reason for subjecting himself to this.
Reaching for the lovely eclair you’d been deciding between earlier, you take a large bite of it. Almond cream and a thick layer of icing on top, humming happily as you chew while he stares at you like the three headed dog.
You hold the dessert out towards him, offering. Palm up, he shakes his head no, slightly disgusted look on his face.
“So. You come here often?”
He blinks. “Really?” Patronizing look on his face now.
“Why not? I am actually interested to know if this is worth my time.”
He rolls his eyes. Oh, he’s fun. “Yes, I come here often. Every Friday, for the past two months just about.”
“And you like it?”
“Is this the sort of place one likes?”
“Oh, come on. You never know what you might find.” He watches your mouth as you finish the eclair, swallowing hard. “Anyways, I think the world is kind of over out there. Don’t you? Might as well make the best of it in here.”
Thumb pressed against the edge of the table, he looks down, suddenly awash with shyness once again. A shy alpha, who’d of thought.
“What did you used to do?” He asks, motioning at the crowded room full of chatting alphas and omegas. You wonder how many of them will go home together for a fuck after this.
“When?” You ask, sure he means in lieu of this group, if you’d ever had another form of demi human community.
“Before this.”
“Before this? Nothing.” Smiling at him, certain he isn’t picking up on your teasing.
“Nothing?”
“Nope. I’ve always been here.”
“But— Don’t you…I thought...” He’s cute, shaking his head like you’re just too confusing to sustain. “You sing, right?” He pivots.
“Sing? Me? Whatever made you think such a thing?” The sly look on your face goes completely over his head and slides to the rest of the sweets. If he wasn’t watching, you’d have another.
“You said. You said you’re in the opera,” he gruffs back, looking visibly aggravated now.
Such fun.
“I’m a supernumerary,” you concede as you turn, making your way to an old relic of a pew along the far wall, tragically abandoning the desserts.
He follows as you go, sitting a respectful distance beside you.
“I don’t know what that is.”
“We’re the actors that fill the stage at the opera.”
“No singing?”
You shake your head, flirting with him. “I’m a wench, I’m a courtesan,” You bat your lashes, fingertips pressed coquettishly beneath your chin, “Part of a harem. I’m every woman you’ve never known. It depends on the opera.”
“I’ve never heard of that before.”
“I started as a stagehand when I first got to Boston. Worked my way up.”
“How’s it work? Lines or somethin’?”
“No lines. No anything. I’m a background actor—an extra, basically. If anything, I’m given some simple choreography direction, laugh, sigh, show fear, horror, shock. Whatever. I’m playing pretend without actually having to do anything.”
“No working for it.”
Your smile melts to blandness. So he’d been listening, then.
“Did you want to sing?”
“No. I wanted to be a supernumerary.”
“Strange. I’ve never heard of that,” he repeats.
“You did say, yes.” Now, the smile turns auspicious. Everyone’s here for something. “What do you do?” Perhaps this is it for him.
You eye the rest of the congregation, at the far exit, there’s a large alpha helping an omega into his coat.
“Got a shop, furniture, woodworking and such.”
“You make things?” He nods. “Ah, a man of creation.”
Sitting back to take him in, he’s got the beginning insinuations of silver speckling the dark hair at his temples, a well groomed beard, and large, intimidating hands.
His small huff of laughter is bashful, tinged with something disappointed. “No, nothin’ that grand.” And he’s got an accent heavy at the ends of his words, not Bostonian. Southern.
“But you know, I wanted to say…”
“Yes?” You press when he loses his courage, leaning towards him, inhaling deeply.
“Well, that I know what you meant earlier. Sometimes I can be the angry house.”
You blink once. Sit back. “I see.”
“It’s hard work. I have to try every day at it.”
Hard work being the house, or not? Two opposite sides of the same coin.
“How do you stop yourself?” You cast a line, fishing for his character.
“Don’t know. Keep myself cold, I think.”
“That’s no way to be.”
“No. It’s not.” He sounds amused. You want to bite him.
Everyone’s here for a reason.
“Ah, well. Perhaps that’s what’s brought you here then,” you say, twisting the toe of your sneaker against a scuff on the old hardwood, leaning forward on your palms wrapped around the edge of the pew.
“Maybe,” he says, but a sort of pained, exasperated sound follows it. Your hung head turns to peer at the handsome face, and he’s already looking at you.
There’s something animal afoot. Perhaps in terms of designation, sure, of course, like the rest of the alphas and omegas here. Your designations weigh heavily in the air. But also intrinsic to your two personalities. You feel you know him. That the two of you might have the same sorts of problems, desires. And as you stare at him, you think you may be equally measuring each other’s character, finding that similarity in one another.
His eyes move quickly between yours, over your face, and you can tell that prolonged eye contact isn’t his norm.
He has the most surprising set of bright hazel eyes like river stones.
Suddenly, you feel desperate to pull out a flicker of sexuality in the man, hear it in his voice. Sure, that with him, the experience would be entirely different, exhilarating. Perhaps a challenge. He seems to be more quiet and more patient than any other man you’d ever come across, but also more stern—taking in that soft mouth held so firmly. Far more remote too, by the far away look in his gaze. You want to see how he could be moved and what the sight of it would look like.
“Maybe not,” he finally continues. “I’m looking for something, I think.”
“Something like what?”
“Someone like me.”
“An alpha?”
“No,” he looks away, cringing. The word out loud seems a shock to him. “Did you listen to the woman at the start—missing the bad thing? I struggle…with that. Holding on, not letting go even when I know I should.”
You’re at an age now which sometimes makes it hard to realize or accept that what you’re living is your life. That it’s been time to grow up. That you have to remember to move forward when it’s your turn in line.
Which is to say, that you understand him—the difficulties of knowing when to hold on and when to give up.
“Sometimes you hurt yourself because you don’t have anything else to do. Sometimes, because the alternative is much worse.”
“Holding on ‘cause there’s nothing else to do?”
“Sure. Or you’re used to it.” You’ll be gentle with him, you decide. He’s in need of gentle handling despite the stern face; not a puzzle so arbitrarily solved. And those eyes are still so bright, he doesn’t seem like he needs any more hardship.
“Don’t know why I’m tellin’ you this,” he says, accent heavy.
“Well you did come here for a reason. Didn’t you?” Discreetly, you slide closer to his side, but he doesn’t notice. Apparently lost in the realization that perhaps this was what he’d come here for, to talk to someone, to have someone listen and relate. You’re almost positive he’s never gotten up to share with the group before in all his time coming to the meetings; doesn’t look like the type.
“I came here because I’m going to take better care of myself,” you tell him. “I’m going to try harder.”
“Harder at what?” He blinks as if attempting to come out of a dream.
“Everything. I don’t want to end up like my parents; drunk, angry, alone. I’m scared of it. I’ve avoided at least two of them.”
“I’m afraid of getting older,” the dream moves in his eyes. “That I’ll forget,” he says, but you don’t ask what.
All of a sudden, he seems very real. The swells of grief and loneliness moving through him so similarly, so close to the surface.
Springing up, you turn to face him and he follows to stand too. You can hear the crack of his knees unfolding, and when he lifts his left palm to stifle a gruff cough, the band of gold around his finger is paralyzing.
All of a sudden, he’d seemed like what you’d been looking for here too. There’s laughter coming from the church rafters.
“You’re a widower?” He wants to forget, he’d said he wants to let go.
Hadn’t he?
But instead, “What? No.” You stare pointedly at the ring, and he looks down at it also. “No,” he repeats.
“So’re you looking for a fuck, or what?” You try and hold back the bite it comes with, but you can’t.
“No. No. That’s not what I’m looking for.”
You don’t understand, impaired by your youth, you forget you’d chosen to be gentle with him. “Maybe it’s what you need,” you tell him, turning towards the exit before you can watch him cringe.
He follows at your heels, grabbing his coat from the hook by the doors before he’s stepping out after you into the fall blister. It’s cold and wet and glorious out.
“Don’t you have a coat?” He demands.
“Nope.” You start walking towards Arlington Street and the park.
“Did you walk here? It’s freezing out.”
“I did,” you turn back towards him, still moving, and he starts to follow.
“From where?”
“Downtown.”
“Where?” He scowls at your uncooperation, the married man. Alpha. The truth was that he’d smelt strange to you too. Like no one ever had before. As glorious and shocking as the cold. Like if snow had a scent. Disappointment churns in your gut alongside the excitement at the sight of him stalking after you.
“I don’t think you know it.” Your backward walk is interrupted as a hurrying stranger bumps into you, sending you staggering. Watch it, the Boston snark spits. The alpha turns to scowl, heavy boot forward like he’s half a mind to follow after the person you’ve just inadvertently assaulted.
And it occurs to you, “You didn’t tell me your name.” How silly of you. You’d been so distracted you’d forgotten to ask, and what if you never see him again after this? What if you can’t muster the courage to come back again next week? What if he can’t?
“It’s Joel.”
You think it sounds right.
“I might—know it.” Where you’re headed to. You smile at the dog with a bone. The disappointment pulses. “Is it far?” He presses. You shrug, looking over your shoulder. You’re going to lose yourself in the garden for a few hours, forget about him. “Why don’t you drive?”
“I like to walk,” you tell him, turning back.
He looks at you like he doesn’t like the things you say much less the way you say them much less the way you’re grinning at him. Perhaps he can see the disappointment and is disturbed by the sight of it, but the possibility seems too altruistic.
“You should try it sometime, Joel. You might like it too.”
His huge body seems to be shivering in the cold.
“I think…” The look on his face has turned suspicious now. He takes a step towards you. “You’re very strange. And you’re very young. I don’t think we should be friends.”
Your heart gives a demanding thump. “We’re not going to be friends.” When you’d first spotted him in the crowd, the strangest feeling had come over you. A tug behind your belly button, a scalding heat at the back of your neck, at your wrists. Perhaps it’s merely imagination, the look of disappointment you think you see on his face right before you turn away from him to continue on walking. “And I’m not that young anymore.”
You’d known today was going to be a good day. Extra cinnamon in your latte, a late start to your morning, warm in bed, no rain in the sky despite the cloud cover. And your director, late for rehearsals after some freak accident had befallen the roof of his house.
“That’s what all young people say.”
Part 2;
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Peter starts calling Tony “daddy” as a goof. He means nothing by it (at first) because as Tony gets older, his concern towards the boy doubles (triples?). Checks in on Peter regularly during his first year in college and there’s this one time where Peter thinks he must have sounded so painfully homesick that Tony makes the trip down.
It’s sweet, even if Tony spends half the time bitching about the boy’s living conditions (really, it’s not that bad, Tony. You’re just bougie as hell). A week later, he comes back to his dorm to a couple of packages. There’s a bunch of fancy-sounding shit Peter can’t pronounce even if he wants to. Like, why the hell would he need a shaver that costs $500???? Or a complete set of toiletries that costs more than his Molecular Biophysics textbook? Or bedsheets that are so ridiculously soft and cool to the touch that it makes waking up for his 8am classes somewhat impossible?
There’s also a box that’s basically just snacks. Lots of it. Because Peter had complained about how the vending machine was always spoilt and the options meager.
So yeah, he thinks Tony’s got quite the soft spot for him even if he hides it behind his “yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Pete”.
He doesn’t think much of it when he sends the text: lol, a bit overboard, but thank you daddy 😉
Again, Peter had meant it as a goof because he knows Tony can get a little dramatic about his age.
Tony: What are they teaching you in college
Peter: What? I’m just expressing my thanks to an older man whom has posed to be quite the paternal figure in my life.
Peter: But yeah, seriously, thank you. The snacks are godsent. So is the new puffer jacket. But like, winter break isn’t for a couple of months yet?? And I don’t really need like, new pillows, but they’re really, really nice.
Tony: Daddy aims to please.
Peter laughs at the message, glad that the older male was playing along at least. He keeps it up for the next couple of months, Tony doesn’t tell him to stop.
Tony: What do you think about cornice ceiling designs?
Peter: what?? what’s a cornice
Tony: you know what, it’s probably a no for you.
Peter: okay. just googled it. why are you looking at ceiling designs?
Peter: are you renovating stark tower? again?
Peter: it’s rude not to reply because I can see that you’re online.
Tony: daddy’s in a meeting, baby. hush and I’ll text you later.
And Peter is…
floored.
Because baby? BABY? Was Tony confusing him for someone else? He rereads the message again, ignoring the tiny spark of heat at the endearment. He wonders if this is Tony’s way of fucking with him after all these months. He wouldn’t be surprised actually.
Peter: ok, no to the cornice btw.
He comes home for winter break and maybe he has missed Tony more than usual. It feels like they’re closer than usual, and if the rest of the Avengers notice that they’re chummier than usual, or how Tony is always in a visibly better mood whenever the boy’s around, no one’s saying anything (yet).
It’s chaotic when the team gets together and Peter’s trying to excitedly talk over Tony about something, cutting the older male off. Tony just clamps a hand over Peter’s mouth, and chides him playfully,
“Okay, baby, don’t interrupt when the adults are talking. Daddy taught you better than that.”
Peter’s words comes out muffled as he protests, not realizing that Steve and Scott are straight up gawking at them. Natasha doesn’t even seem fazed, holding her right palm up towards Clint and mouthing, “pay up, loser.”
Bucky basically goes, “Oh shit, so it’s like that, huh?”
“Well, considering the age gap and how they’ve always interacted, is it really that surprising?” Bruce muses out loud.
Peter peels Tony’s fingers away from his mouth, “Guys, what, no - we’re not-“ He glances at Tony for some help.
“Aw, cute. He’s looking at his daddy for help.” Natasha teases.
“So we’ve upgraded from “kid” to “baby”, huh?”
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