#but I don’t wanna doomscroll anymore

[onceuponaladye]

I should watch a Ghibli movie

[salemlunaa]

SURE TIME IS A CONCEPT, BUT THE CLOCK IS TICKING ◔

what more do some of you want?…

A lot of you need to fix up. stop doomscrolling and complaining and actually apply knowledge.

Do you wanna know how to be like those people who enter the void/ induce pure consciousness with ease after struggling, some of them not even struggling at all? All those success stories that you idolise, screenshot, like, reblog and envy all have one thing in common:

They wanted it. Bad. You need to want it

Those people saw all this shit that they didn’t deserve happen to them, they saw how other people were born with the lives they want, and they decided enough was enough. They weren’t taking shit from the world anymore, they were tired of living lives that they dread, tired of looking at people’s lives with envy, tired of the way life was going for them and how the world treated them unprovoked. They were tired of dreading waking up another day in their shitty realities. Tired of hating themselves in the morning because of another unproductive night. They were TIRED and you need to be too, that fuelled their want for their new lives and got them where they are now.

I’m not saying you can’t be in my asks or you can’t be in my dms. But at what point is it enough? at what point does it become pathetic? You go in these bloggers asks and dms and question them on shit that 1: has been said multiple times or 2: is common sense. But fine, keep playing dumb, keep indulging in the assumption that it “just doesn’t work for you” keep pretending that your just this innocent little baby who “doesn’t understand why it’s not working🥺” 🙄anyway…. You can sit here in this community for as many years as you like while people get what they want.

And although time is a malleable concept that can be manipulated, the clock is ticking, it’s almost 2025 and some of you are right where you started. I need to ask you to sit with your self, look at 2025,2026,2027 heck even 2028, do you see yourself still here? be honest, do you genuinely see yourself with your dream life? if not you need to change your mindset, and stop asking how, you know how!!

Locking in and changing your mindset isn’t this big character development that lasts weeks, it can take seconds. So you could’ve had everything yesterday, 15 minutes ago, an hour ago, even a fucking minute ago, but you’re still here choosing to scroll and act stupid, inhaling new information each day like you were born yesterday. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!!! Are you not tired of the same routine, you get motivated from some posts, you get this high, this amazing feeling like you’re so ready to do it, then you procrastinate and if you do manage to try you “fail” and run back to tumblr for the 100th time. Are you not tired of the same shit?

Again, do yall wanna make it to 2025,2026,2027, even 2028 without all the shit you want? At what point does it become enough information and enough questions asked? I know it feels validating and comforting to complain about your circumstances knowing others can relate, but at what point do you stop aligning with the loser who “can’t do it”? Stop acting like you actually give a shit when you say you’re going to apply and then you come back whining. Start acting like you actually want it.

You’re the only one who can change your life, if you want to still complain sure go ahead. Keep the tumblr “for you page” some company while everyone else is actually applying and getting their dream lives. A lot of you don’t want to hear it but with the way you’re wavering you’re probably going to be here for a few more years.

That doesn’t mean you cant change that, i’m not the one who writes your story, it’s you, again, it’s not hard work to change. Like the art of inducing pure consciousness, nothing is hard, nothing needs effort, so you can change your mindset within the snap of a finger and be good to go. But wavering brings you right back to square one.

the clock is ticking and you are STILL here…. LOCK TF IN!!!

SOME OF YOU HAVEN’T MADE ANY SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS, THAT CHANGES NOW!! ⏳💋

[buuniebaby]

sex tape headcons 😉😉

PRETTY ON CAMERA 🎀 HAMZAH X READER

includes: rough sex, sex tapes, choking, fem!reader, ft sex, unprotected sex

wordcount: 2.2k

as much as hamzah hates to admit it, he loves being on camera - and that doesn’t stop at just youtube videos.

despite the promise to himself he made mental note of in high school to never send nudes, it’s become his new addiction. he loves to show off every inch of himself to you, he loves the praise you give in response to seeing his body, and he especially loves knowing that he can make you go feral with a simple video.

on a similar note, he fucking adores seeing you on camera. he likes the way you get shy when being recorded, whether the audience is slushies or it’s a video just for him. he’s obsessed with the pretty lingerie you wear for him and the way your tiny hands caress your body while you think of him. it makes him want to fucking destroy you.

ever since you two have gotten into the habit of filming videos for each other, it’s almost like something’s awoken inside of him. an urge of sorts, to make a fantasy he’s kept bottled up forever real. he wants both of you on camera, together. however, there’s one problem preventing him from asking:

hamzah is a pussy.

but thankfully, you’re just as horny as he is nervous.

the topic doesn’t actually come up until a day where your boyfriend is particularly needy. he’s sleeping over at martin’s tonight - a little too long without you for his liking.

fortunately for him, martin and mandy had forgotten to get a few items for their next video, so he had a bit of alone time. as soon as they’re out the door, his shirt is pulled off and he’s facetiming you.

as your phone buzzes to life, you’re snapped out of your doomscrolling session, wearing just one of hamzah’s large hoodies and a pair of panties. you smirk a bit at the sight of his contact popping up on your screen and sit up.

“hi, baby.” he says, voice deep. “I miss you.”

“i miss you too,” you reply back, in a more light tone. “but ill be with you tomorrow..” you say, smirking. you’ve got the same idea as him.

“are martin and mandy home?” you ask. as much as you want hamzah right now, you really don’t want to deal with the consequences of his best friend overhearing you two.

“nah, they left a little while ago.. forgot to buy some stuff for the video. ..soo, I have you all to myself.” he says, smirking.

“yeah?” you lean into the camera, doe eyes sparkling up at him.

“yeah. y’know, I missed hearing your voice, baby. it’s enough to get me hard.” he mutters, voice deep and breathy. it only makes you want him more.

you can only bring yourself to reply with a simple, “mhmm?” as your hands reach into your panties.

“yeah.. fuck. get that fucking hoodie off too. wanna see all of you.” he mutters back. you can tell he’s touching himself now too.

immediately, the hoodie is on the floor, bare chest exposed to the camera. hamzah takes this as an opportunity to change his position as well, camera giving you a direct view of him laying on his bed, sweatpants pulled down as he grinds his cock into a pillow.

“fuck, miss those tits. you want that? my mouth on them?” he says, breathing heavy.

you moan at this, grinding down into your fingers - they aren’t nearly his size, but it’s the best you can do for right now.

“yes, fuck- keep talking.” is all you can utter out.

“yeah? wish this pillow was your pretty little pussy, you know that? wish you were right here right now-“ he chokes, “fucking rutting in this pillow, just wish it was you, baby.” the visual of his hips thrusting, starting to get desperate paired with his words is destroying you, but the next thing he says is what really does it.

“gonna fill you up when I get back home. gonna pump my come into you, until you can’t take it anymore - fuck.”

fuck.

you see his hips twitch as you bite your fist, seemingly both close to finishing. you can hear a faint “shit- shit.” from the other side of the camera, and with that, you feel yourself finish all over your fingers. just as you’re done, you see hamzah’s thrusts pause as he takes a breath, and you can only guess that he just came as well.

after both collecting your breath, you mutter out a simple, “wish we were together. instead of facetime, we could just like, record it.” he continues to lay down, still recovering, but once he actually processes what you just said he perks up.

“wait.. like, actually? you’d do that?” he asks eagerly, eyes slightly widening.

“I mean.. I wouldn’t ever post it or anything. just like.. something to watch when you’re not here. only if you’re comfortable though.” you casually reply, and suddenly he’s already hard again.

“im very comfortable. incredibly comfortable with that actually.” he says, excitedly, and it makes you giggle.

“get your camera charged for tomorrow then.” you say, a sly smile forming. you’re enjoying the way you have a hold on him. “oh- and make sure you bring a new sd card, not the one you use for filming. i have a feeling we’re gonna make a lot of footage.”

“yes ma’am,” he says, making a salute sign with his hands. even when he’s bricked, he knows exactly how to make you laugh.

hamzah is counting down the minutes until he gets to see you when the next day comes. martin and mandy are even shocked at his eagerness to get out of the house, joking that he hates them now.

after what feels like the longest drive he’s ever taken, hamzah arrives home. he’s speeding through the door, into the living room, only to see you’re nowhere to be found; that is, until he checks his bedroom.

he slowly opens the door to a sight he never wants to forget - you’re sprawled out on his bed, baby pink lingerie barely covering your body, as you fix your hair in your phone camera. the sound of the door creaking open catches your attention, and you look up at him with those big, sparkly deer eyes. you giggle at his mouth, jaw dropped at the sight of you. “missed me?”

“fuck, yes.” is all he can mutter as he crawls onto the bed beside you, pulling the camera out of his backpack and then carelessly tossing the rest of his stuff off the bed. he pulls you into a sloppy kiss, immediately making up for the time he was gone.

you breathlessly manage to pull him off of you. giggling, you whine, “hamzahh, you haven’t even started recording yet.”

“shit- forgot.” he grabs the camera and fumbles with it for a second, then places it on the side of the bed. you see a red light go off as he pulls you into another kiss.

your lips trace his as your tiny hands find their way to the bottom of his sweatshirt, pulling it off to reveal nothing underneath. he begins to undress you as well, big hands carefully tracing the dainty lace as he pulls it off you. he leans down to put his mouth on one of your tits, suckling on it like a newborn baby. one of his hands goes to the neglected breast, and the other to grip your neck. you gasp as his strong, veiny hands wrap around you, taking your breath away.

he pulls away from your chest, leaving you panting. you can see him mess with the strings of his sweatpants until they’re untightened, then pull them down, showing his erection through his boxers.

“hamzah…” is all you can say. he’s the only thing on your mind right now.

“baby..” he mutters back.

his strong hands push you back into the bed, laying you down. you look up at him, confused, watching him get closer to your face. he caresses your cheek for a second, moving your hair out of your eyes.

“so pretty.. my girl.” he mutters, love in every word that comes out of his mouth.

he gently palms himself through his boxers before slowly pulling out his cock. all you can do is stare at his dick, precum glistening from the tip. he drags it across your lips, and by instinct, you open your mouth. you lap at it, gently, but hamzah has a different idea.

“open.” is all hamzah says before suddenly, his whole cock is down your throat. you make a shocked sound, but then settle to the feeling of the shaft’s intrusion. he starts slow, but begins to thrust in and out of your mouth rapidly, giving you small breaks when he pulls out for air.

“so fucking hot.. feels so wet around me..” he groans, using your face as his own personal pocket pussy for the camera. the sounds of your gagging only turns him on more, hips stuttering as he thrusts.

“mhmm, mhn, mmgh- fuck! fucking- perfect little throat, all mine, my perfect girl-“ he says as you feel a twitch from inside your mouth. his hips stutter as he cums down your throat, with a “god- all mine. fuckkk.”

as he slowly slides his cock out of your mouth, his fluids coat the outside of your lips. he grabs the camera, showing it your face. you stick your tongue out, showing the lack of cum in your mouth. he pets your cheek again, deep voice muttering a “good girl, swallowing it all for me.” all you can do is give the camera a fucked-out smile.

hamzah repositions you two so you’re sitting in his lap, the camera facing your ass. you kiss him, sloppy, already feeling drunk off of the feeling of his cock fucking your mouth. as the two of you make out, he grips your ass, moving your hips against his lap. he pulls his sweatpants and boxers all the way down, making the connection skin-to-skin.

he lets out shaky breath before he grinds his bare cock against your pussy a few more times. “you’re gonna be the fucking death of me.” is what he mutters before sliding in, exhaling a loud, “fuckkk” with it.

your ass bounces on top of him, making a loud “plap” sound every time you sink down onto his pelvis. his strong hands grasp onto your hips and lift your body up and down as he thrusts into you in unison. his hips speed up as do yours, until you’re panting on top of his cock, desperately making any kind of friction.

“ah- ah- ahh- fuck!” you whimper with each thrust, only making hamzah get more aggressive. he feels your cunt tighten around him, and thrusts as deep as he possibly can while you cum.

hamzah lets out a deep, breathy laugh as you nuzzle into his shoulder. he rubs your back gently, but then whispers a soft, “i still need to cum again, baby.”

you perk up again, preparing yourself for round 2, but hamzah is already manhandling you into place. he maneuvers you into all fours on the bed, then grabs the camera.

he records as he slides the tip of his cock against your pussy, then shoves his cock inside you. you let out a loud gasp at the intrusion. he uses the other hand to pull on your hair, aggressively yanking your head back, making you look him in the eyes.

“want you to beg for it-“ he says, out of breath, “beg for my cum.”

“mhmm.. please.. need it hamzah!” you say, whimpering and whining as your cunt tightens around his cock. he’s animalistic, thrusting into you like it’s the last time he’ll ever see you.

“more.. fuck- more, baby. need to hear you while I cum.” he says.

“please hamzah, I need it, I need your cum inside me so bad. fuck- ruin me- ahhh, breed me!” you whine out, shaking from the way he pounds you. you groan as you feel him cum inside, seed filling you up and making you feel whole.

hamzah turns off the camera and puts it off to the side, still inside you. he doesn’t move, just lays on top of you, pressing soft kisses to your back.

“love you..” he mutters, “so fucking much.”

you softly whine back, face still pressed into the mattress. he slowly pulls out, his cum buried so deep inside of you nothing even leaks out. you try to sit up, but hamzah pushes you back down. “hold on- there’s.. one more thing i want to do.”

you look back at him, confused, and watch him as he grabs the camera and starts recording your ass. he slowly spreads your folds open, and after a second, cum begins to drip out. a quiet “fuck..” is all he can mutter, watching his seed drip out of his baby.

once hamzah is done being mesmerized by the way his cum leaks out of you, he lays back down and immediately wraps his arms around you, gently caressing your body, staring at you with all the love in the world.

“i love you too,” you tiredly murmur.

“huh?”

“you said i love you earlier.. so do i. i love you.”

he smiles at you for a second, then places a soft kiss on your forehead. “love you too, baby.”

thank u for reading!! SEND REQUESTS i fear we r in a hamzah drought.. 😞 but ill try to get them out quick mwah thank u baii

[sawyer-is-eepy]

tw for syscourse and rq mentions //

i don’t give a shit anymore, this is important so im crosstagging this.

please, whoever you are, please read at least the tl;dr whether youre pro endo, anti endo, anti radqueer, pro radqueer, whatever. ignore the dni i guess? if you dont wanna see this just block me, i won't care.

-

god i FUCKING HATE that my existence is seen as pro rq just cause im pro endo.

got called a radqueer today. i got roped in with pedophiles and necrophiles and zoophiles.

look, listen, i'm all for anti-contact pro-recovery supporters and i do think that we shouldn't shun these people away.

but rq is not for that. they actively support pro-contact and anti recovery rhetoric as well as say its okay to be rcta and "transage" and shit.

THIS should be the thing anti rq focus on. instead of the fact that because i support something that DOES HAVE FUCKING RESEARCH ON IT DESPITE WHAT YOU ALL SAY YOU FUCKERS.

i can fight and kick and scream and yell all i want but at the end of the day, my opinion automatically doesnt matter.

it doesnt even matter if a system with a fucking diagnosis that is "normal" (aka no fictives, factives, less than like 15 alters, and has a miserable life because of course thats what its like for all *real* systems or whatever) was trying to fight against rq, if they were even kind of proendo they’d be shot down immediately.

let me reiterate this- NOT ALL ENDOS ARE RQ. NOT ALL PRO ENDOS ARE RQ. 

please fucking stop roping us in with these people. please. 

to rq - i dont want to be included in your fucking community. We’re fine on our own, okay? we don't need your “safe space,” you’re actively making it worse. kindly FUCK OFF AND STOP RUINING THIS FOR US. PLEASE. EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE IS SPENT PROVING MYSELF OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET AND IT’S HARDER BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. 

to endo rq- we don’t want you representing us. you are NOT the face of endos and supporters. Kindly also fuck off to your own space with the rq instead of speaking for us. 

every day i have to say the same shit because of YOU PEOPLE. YOU FUCKING PEOPLE. 

i can’t have fucking anything and i can’t win. my existence is constantly “disproven” or “debunked” or just used as rage fuel.

and it feels like it’ll never end. tell me, when does this shit end? when does all of this work we as a community have done pay off? 

damn. maybe i should stop doomscrolling, huh?

tl;dr i’m an endo/endo supporter and i would like to say that it is exhausting to constantly be roped in with radqueers just cause they support us or whatever. they don't speak for us, they don’t represent us, hate us all you want but don't label us radqueer. fucking PLEASE. and also, maybe we should focus on trying to stop the zoophiles, pedophiles and necrophiles and / or fighting for system awareness in general before we focus on fighting on whether or not endos are real when most people don’t even accept “real” systems.

[motleyfolk]

Examining How I Use The Internet

Prompted by this page I’ve realised I’m doing a lot of mindless scrolling and procrastinating a lot with the internet. Time to fix that. Mari Kondo’ing this shit.

Reddit: I mindlessly scroll and always gravitate to drama subs like AITA, which just depresses the life out of me and drags me into negativity. 

Solution: Block the bad subreddits with stayfree and use it to put a limit on how much time I spend on there, so I can still access useful and informative subreddits but not doomscroll. Stayfree did heehaw but I found a simple extension that blocked the subreddits and then used Ublock to hide popular posts so basically it’s just my specific feed now. Win!

Tumblr: I also mindlessly scroll here, albeit less. Sometimes on instinct I feel the need to put on a persona or post certain things or overly clarify things to appease spectators I’ve crafted in my head or feel a need to perform. Makes using this site stressful.

Solution: Remind myself this tumblr is my digital journal and while I’m open to making friends this is not something I’m doing to get clout. I am here to collect, learn and explore. 

Twitter: I rarely go on it anymore, and I just don’t like it. The only things that were on it that I liked were cute and cozy aesthetic accounts, but even then nah.

Solution: Delete it. Twitter gone woo crab rave

Discord: I use it the most to talk directly to irl and online friends, have a bookclub and get updates on random stuff. Sometimes it feels like a void.

Solution: ?? Need it to talk to friends. Just meditate or smth. Like tumblr, don’t feel the need to perfom or put on a persona. Vibe only.

Youtube: Also started procrastinating by going on there with the intention to watch this One Specific video and then I’m on the 4th Im Skylar White Yo lego video. 

Solution: See if there’s something that can block the yt homepage and just see subscriptions or smth. ABSOLUTE UBLOCK W HOW IS THIS SO EASY AND I NEVER KNEW?!

Emails: I’m scared to even touch my gmails bc of the amount of spam mail I’ve accumulated since I was 8.

Solution: Buckle up and start unsubscribing to junk mail and clearing them out THEN switch from gmail to literally anything. Done techgirl email

Internet In General: I think I use a decent not centralized browser. I use yt adblock like a champ. But I really need to go over security notes, find a vpn, make sure this browser is cool, download that torrent browser thing sometime. 

Solution: Find vpn, get torrent browser thing, use throw away emails or card info.

I also generally feel like I have to put on a performance. Is this down to that one time I was a microceleb in this one niche shitty instagram community? Maybe. Theres a voice at the back of my head like “Will this get notes? Will people laugh at this? Does this fit? Will this slightly put someone off?” and its exhausting because I’m not here to get clout I’m just wanting to chill!! I do however want to make friends and meet like-minded folks, don’t wanna create an echo chamber for myself. Hm...

Solution: Recognise this behaviour, the thoughts. Listen to them, deconstruct them, let them pass. Do this constantly. Do not engage them or let them influence you. (realising this sounds like some spc lmao)

I sometimes skip posts with hardly any upvotes or notes because unconciously Im only paying attention to bigger posts. This means I miss out on tons.

Solution: Use good ol ublock to hide note and upvote elements.

Spotify: Love music. Like the spotify wrapped thing. Hate spotify, it is evil company. I don’t even pay for it thanks to my bestie. But...

Solution: Compile music elsewhere (where ?)

Instagram: I’m not actually active on it, I just still have it bc it has tons of cool anime edits I’ve saved over the years. But I hate zuckergram.

Solution: Export the sick edits and delete zuckergram. I will do this on my phone.

End Notes

Compared to a year ago I’m much more aware of how I’m using the internet. My phone usage is down to nilch, it’s almost like I never spent 16 hours a day on instagram straight as a kid.

Having a path still ahead to walk down doesn’t negate the mountain I climbed before.

The sites I use most are Reddit, YT, Tumblr, Discord. Thats four I’ve whittled it down to, which is actually an ok number, not too bad. One for solitary reading, one for spooks and funny videos, one for semi solitary blogging, one for communication.

Should come back to this later and re-examine things and not forget to do these things.

[ithinktoomuchaboutcats]

Now let me tell you… tumblr mobile is shit

I hate it ewwwgh its so bad

But also I don’t wanna use my browser either because then I will do a million other things besides tumblr aka log into other popular social medias I don’t wanna use anymore

So what i need is tumblr web thats not the mobile app but also not linked to a browser because then I will doomscroll

Does that exist? Probably not

[ybyg]

tagged by @randomingoftherandomness <3 thank you bby

1. why did you choose your url?

i chose ybyg because i liked yancha boy yancha girl by jo1 it's their first cutesy song and i had a lot of fun watching them performing it (also shion's iconic MAMECHAAAAN before the song started)

2. any sideblogs?

yes, several

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

dec 2009

4. do you have a queue tag?

no i just tag the content as usual

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was curious

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it's villaneve because i love villaneve

7. why did you choose your header?

i love barry and i just find the ending really intriguing. also it's dark.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

4-5k. i'm in small fandoms.

9. how many mutuals do you have <3?

here? a few of them from jamdom who i'm also mutuals on jamtwt. @randomingoftherandomness is my irl friend.

10. how many followers do you have?

1k-ish? they're all from an old fandom though. i used to create content for the fandom.

11. how many people do you follow?

600+? or 700+?

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yeah

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

not as often as i used to. i'm just tired and i love doomscrolling jamtwt.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

nah i reblog and i queue and i go to sleep. twitter's my place to fight.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

idk i don't see them anymore

16. do you like tag games?

i love it, but i'm always like, 'do people wanna read this' lol i hope they scroll along

17. do you like ask games?

i don't receive asks. i don't have enough mutuals for that.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

definitely @randomingoftherandomness

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope.

20. tags?

anyone who wants to do this feel free to do it!

[michaels-office-hours]

Really struggling to be ok… doomscrolling probably isn’t helping.

But online being my only way to …. Exist? Kinda makes things limited.

Also how does one do the whole vow of silence thing? Like I wanna still post and text and stuff. But talking has only been causing me issues.

…..

and honestly I’m trying really hard to not think about the stuff I was a few year ago about how to make that permanent. Because comparatively? I don’t abjectly hate my voice anymore. It’s useful and beautiful and handsome exactly when I want it to be. And I don’t think I could survive never hearing Olivia again. But… around here?(being where I live currently) It kinda only gets me in trouble.

I just want the conviction to shut up then not get bullied into speaking like I have so many times in the past.

I know this post is very negative. I do apologize for that. I’m just in a really bad headspace rn.

Someone fucking shoot me please