#but I couldn't help myself you have to understand

[coc0amocha]

🏆 Winner || "That means we can have sexy time now, right?"

Satoru managed to (barely) keep himself during no nut November, and he stayed up all night waiting for it to hit December 1st

Satoru X gn!Reader

Word count: 569

You and Satoru were sleeping together–not like that. Not yet at least. You were enjoying your blissful slumber, sunken and curled up in the sheets with Satoru's strong arms holding you..It was a peaceful night... Until the clock struck twelve.

12:00 am Sun, Dec 1st

Satoru was secretly awake the entire time. Waiting for his least favorite month to finally be over. And the second it did end he leaped into an upright position and started shaking you awake

"Sweeeetsss!! Ohh sweeeetttsss!" He said in a cheerful and singsong-like tone and when you began to stir he reached for his phone and turned it on. When you ever so slightly tilted your head in his direction you were immediately flashbanged by a bright screen, squinting your eyes instinctively

"Look, look look look!!" Satoru cheered as he waved the phone in your face

You began to swat at the phone "I can't see it, Toru. It's too close, too bright, and you're moving way too much." You said groggily

He pulled the phone back a little and gestured to the time dramatically "Looook!"

"It's twelve in the goddamn morning."

"Exactly!"

You pulled the covers back over yourself and turned "You're doing too much. Go back to sleep"

He yanked the covers off you and frowned "I won so I should get a reward."

You turned your head back towards him "Won what?" You questioned as you snatched your blanket back

"No nut November, duh!!! Get with the program, sweets." He rolled his eyes playfully

"It's hard to get with anything at twelve in the morning. Go to sleep" You turned your back towards him, pulling the blanket over yourself again

He crossed his arms and pouted "You can get with this dick at twelve."

"Go to bed, Satoru!!!"

His jaw dropped "You're telling me you're not turned on by my witty and charming way of speaking??? This is totally fucked up. You wanna know what else is fucked up? You not giving me a prize after no fun time for a whole MONTH!! Thirty days!!!! I couldn't even do it by myself. You're cruel!"

"Later." You replied blankly

"I didn't wait for it to hit twelve for nothing."

"Nobody told you to do that."

"My willy did!!" He whined "He's touch starved and deserves to be milked"

"Your...wha.." you trailed off and paused before sighing "Stop talking about your dick like it's a person, Satoru."

"He IS a person!!" He pulled you so you'd lay on your back and look at him "An extremely neglected person and only your touch can fix 30 days worth of trauma!"

"Trauma??" You scoffed

"Yes!! You don't understand the things we went through. We hardly survived! It was like living in the trenches!" He exaggerated

You couldn't help but chuckle a little bit "Not even close."

"You wouldn't know!!!" He said in a whiny tone, his voice going up so many octaves you couldn't take him seriously anymore...Not that you could ever take him seriously.

"Listen. Give me a few more hours of sleep and I'll cure 30 days worth of "his" trauma"

"Fiiinnee!!" He said in exasperation, plopping down on his back "but he's going to be very mad at you until then. His words, not mine."

"Of course, Toru. Your dick said it." You said with a playful roll of your eyes as you wrapped yourself back up in your blanket

[auclairedetoru]

Best friend!Eren loves college, he really does! He got into the one he wanted and is majoring in something he loves, and in return his grades are doing fantastic, top of his class even!

Except for that one specific class.

God, just thinking about it pissed him off. He doesn't know why he couldn't understand it, it's like the professor was speaking in a dead language. He came back home with a headache every time he tries to focus and learn like everyone else. He swears it was going to be his 13th reason eventually. It made him rethink his entire life plan and whether it was worth getting his degree.

Seeing his frustration, his best friend y/n decided to help him out. Did she understand anything he had written in his notes? Absolutely not, it wasn't a class she needed to take, but she hated seeing him so lost and stressed, especially when they were so close to finales week.

“You like rewards, how about you give yourself a little treat every time you memorise something, if it works on dogs it can work on humans.”

Eren thought it was genius. The smile that spread on his face gave her hope that she might've finally solved his problem and gave him at least a little bit of motivation, but what Eren was thinking about was the opposite of hers. He agreed with the idea of a reward, but what kind of reward specifically?

Well...

“How about I memorise everything, and if I'm successful, you give me a kiss.”

Y/n felt dizzy at how fast she turned to look at him, eyes nearly popping out of her skull. A kiss?! What was he thinking?! She might have always had a suspicion he was dropped on his head as a baby, but this just confirmed it.

“Are you crazy?”

“Crazy for you.” he wiggled his eyebrows at her making her roll her eyes. God, he was so annoying, why was she friends with him again?

Despite thinking he's mentally unstable, she did give it a thought. Not every day you get the chance to kiss your hot best friend that you have a massive crush on, right? Might as well take the opportunity, it might never happen again. Plus, he clearly wants it to happen, he wouldn't suggest it if he didn't want to kiss her too.

“Fine,” she adds a hint of annoyance in her voice so he wouldn't figure out how nervous the thought alone made her, “let's see if you can do it.”

Eren was motivated, to say the least. He locked himself in his room for three days, only leaving for the bathroom and to grab food. He missed out on two parties, his neighbors fist fighting, the release of a new season of his favourite show and a boba tea date with Armin.

On Monday evening, he went to y/n's apartment and sat in her living room with the biggest confident smirk she has ever seen on him. He has always been very cocky, but not over something he was crying over three days prior.

“Ready?” she shuffled his flash cards to give him a little bit of a challenge and to see if he can remember everything if they're not in the order he memorised them. Eren nods, “let's do this, I'm ready for my reward.”

... And it worked.

She quizzed him on everything in every possible way. She even tried to trick him, but he was able to catch on quickly and prove her wrong. After weeks of struggling and threatening to drop out over this subject, Eren finally got a hold of it... All because of a promise of a kiss.

A kiss he was eagerly waiting for.

Y/n has never felt her cheeks heat up like this in her life. As much as she knew her best friend is very smart and could do anything he sets his mind on, she really didn't think he could pull this off, not after he tried everything. Tutors, bombarding the professor with questions, help online, they all didn't work! How was she supposed to have any faith that a stupid little kiss reward would make his brain magically start understanding this class!?

It's dumb, really. But she did want it too.

“Well,” Eren started with a huge smile, “I've proven myself, now please give me the reward I worked hard for and rightfully deserve.”

With a shaky breath, y/n leaned in, and without wasting any more time, Eren leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

She was expecting it, of course she was, but did that make it any less shocking? Did that make her heart beat steadier? No, quite the opposite actually. Her hands were shaking, her heart was performing acrobatics behind her ribcage, and she wanted to run away and never be seen after they pulled away.

For Eren, it felt like heaven. The kiss was quick, too quick in his opinion, but he was able to feel the softness of her lips against his. God, the things he would do to feel them again. He wanted to pull her on his lap and kiss her until he was too tired to keep his eyes open, then he would pull her into his arms to sleep just to go back to kissing her the next morning.

“Can I have one more?” he asked while looking down at her shy expression.

“no! Stop embarrassing me!” she hit him on the chest before burying her face in his hoodie. He laughs and wraps his arms around her, squeezing her a little and teasing her a little more.

When Eren thinks back to their first actual kiss, he laughs at how oblivious both of them were to each other's feelings. They were very transparent about them, showing the other very clear signs that they wanted more, but they chose to ignore them and instead overthink about getting rejected and ruining their friendship.

That was all in the past now, and with the way the present is going, they can't be happier.

More best friend!Eren.

[ismyteadoneyet]

I took a break from the more serious piece with the throne and all to draw this quicker, silly thing because they have started airing Hallmark movies on TV and I was possessed by the Christmas Spirit :')

There's also a short lil drabble thingy underneath the 'Keep Reading', bcs I couldn't help myself 😭😭 If Tracy won't let her characters have some Silly Time™, I WILL. 😭😭😭

The snowball soars through the air in a high arch, and lands with a wet, satisfying "fwump".

Loud cheers and "woo"s chorus from the other team, and it takes everything in me to hold back my own laughter at the sight. Nick seems to fight just as hard to do the same.

"...Aaand Miss Chen hits the bullseye! Another point for team...what was your name, again?" Valec calls from the sidelines with his, by now, classic announcer-voice, acting judge for today's match.

Classic, because this is the third snowball fight we've had since the snow first fell, and our team has been losing every single one so far. Sel has been too busy dodging the snowballs to realize that he has been our opponents' only target, despite there being three people on our team.

Alice turns to Valec with a wide grin and high-fives William. Lark is doubled over behind them, laughing.

"Team Victory," She reminds him gleefully, and Valec nods with a snap of his fingers. More so to jab another thumb into Sel's side than actually needing the reminder.

Mariah sits at his side, trying to hide her own snicker behind a steaming cup of hot cocoa. She caught onto our pact halfway through the first game, and is now just as eager as the rest of us to see how long it takes the Kingsmage to notice.

"One more point to team Victory! Making the current score.... 5-2, their favor."

Sel tries to wipe the already melting snow off his cheek before it runs down under the collar of his coat. With a wet flick of his gloved hand, he uncovers the scowl underneath.

"What kind of defense are you two supposed to be if you are not defending the whole team?"

"I thought you were behind me, I swear," I say, but can't seem to disguise my lie well enough, because Sel's mouth curves further downwards even before I finish. "You know, behind the shield."

"What's the matter, Kingsmage? Lost yer spark?" Lark taunts from where he now stands straighter, only barely holding it together.

Sel spins around to face the other Merlin with a sneer before shaking more snow out of his hair. "Douglas, you better sleep with one eye open unless you like your dreams of 'White Christmases' very vivid," He growls, and the scheming smirk across his lips makes me certain that the threat of taking the snowball fight off-court and into Larkin's bedroom is a very real one.

He barks out a sarcastic laugh in return, but can't quite seem to keep the amused glint out of his eye, "I sure would like to see ye get 'merry and bright', Kane."

With another flick of Sel's wrist, aether flows to his hands as if he were to craft his usual staff, but instead forms something resembling a lacrosse racket, solid like a shovel. He twirls it in his hand once before bending down to scoop up fresh snow, muttering, more to himself than to the other Merlin;

"Oh, I'll show you 'merry and bright', you-"

"Would you look at that!" William cuts in, making all our heads turn to him.

He looks up at the sky, shielding his eyes from the sun, before taking a step back towards the wall of snow shielding us from Volition.

"Oh, shit!"

Nick understands faster than I do, and casts a new aether shield and grabs my arm in one swift movement. He pulls me along, laughing all the while. "Get down!"

Sel is frozen in place, shovel-racket still mid-scoop, and completely alone on our side of the battlefield. He doesn't bother looking at either of us, but his narrowed eyes and shift in his jaw makes the betrayal apparent.

William reaches out a hand to the wall and shoves it right into the snow. With no visible effort, he lifts up a chunk nearly as big as himself, easily balancing it in one hand. He slowly turns to the Kingsmage with a smirk, promise of perfect aim in his eyes and voice both;

"Midday, is it not?"

[lilia-calderus-pet-goat]

This is a very sleep deprived thought—and I don't actually believe it, per se—but.

I've seen a lot of people who are deeply unsatisfied with the retcon of it being Agatha that bound Jen's magic. Mainly, because it felt like shoe-honing. Especially since Agatha made such a point about going out of her way to not kill Jen despite hating her, because she respected her work too much.

I think many interested discussions can be had about this. I've talked about this before—the fact that Jen's character felt sort of neglected in the finale, and the fact a lot of people struggled to connect with her prior to rewatches. (I myself didn't have this problem, but still, my criticisms are still of the same nature-)

So anyway, Agatha probably chose to bind Jen to keep her out of the way, not realising the weight of that, the intersectionality—perhaps not caring about the suggesting very much at all. Because, you're a midwife, Jen. You can still do good. You will do good, just out of my way. And I truly do believe this is how it went.

But what if Agatha hadn't been the one to bind her? What if, in a brief moment of clarity, Agatha locked in to get everyone out? Her movements are always supposed to be calculated, so is carelessness really in her repertoire?

Maybe, just maybe, she heard Jen say that, “I'll be damned if I let one of you two idiots die,” and that triggered her. Maybe because of pride—god knows she was overwhelmed before the final trial and all her walls had come right back up. But the same didn't apply to Jennifer. She had actually changed. Jen had actually re-discovered her worth. She'd remembered who she was, power or not. She was someone Agatha respected in spite of the resentment. Someome who heals, nurtures, helps, does good. Not the vain, surface-level, self-serving fraud—who had previously been on a dark path too similar to Agatha's own, so close to complete cynicism. Lilia had saved Jen from that path and oushed her to be the path ahead. The Obstacles? Agatha.

And Agatha won't accept Jen's help—not after what happened to Alice, which to Agatha's & Billy's eyes alike stands as evidence of the fact she is a monster. She won't even accept to acknowledge her own character development, as a mere episode ago she jumped in front of a sword to save Lilia. She won't, above all, acknowledge that Jen has grown to care about her. Instead, she will do everything tomake that kdea crumble. She will destroy it.

All she needs to do is shape the narrative Billy truly thinks is true, and so it can become the truth. Billy, who created the condition in which it was possible for Alice to break her generational curse. Who found the spirits of Evanora and Nicky alike. All the trials were his limited understanding of the coven & of witch folk. (Jen's was right out of her vision board, she looked like one of her clients—nothing like the rootworker midwife we know she used to be. Alice's is in the seventies, which mathematically makes no sense with her age as she would have been born in the eighties to be the age she is on 2025—but Billy based everything about her trial on Lorna, because that's what he was familiar with. Agatha's mind he couldn't read—all he knew about her was that something happened to her son. So he puts a grown woman in children's clothing, to force therapy on her—and she regresses into the hurt little girl she was at the stake. Lilia, whose mind is the loudest & most easily accessible to Billy, had the most personalised trial, but even then, it latches onto the witch stereotypes that she so desperately hates. All of those do help the girls—minus Agatha—but still don't fully represent them. As for the green witch trial, well, it took him a while to cook it up, because he just found out Rio is death. Anyway, I digress—) My point being, if you can shape Billy's understanding of a situation, you can have some power over what happens. (One trial for each witch, the public transport system, etc.)

Would it be such an impossible stretch to say Agatha painted herself as the villain once more, embracing the part presented to her, the oart most familiar, the oart she knows best to simultaneously reject Jen's offered sisterhood/peace/altruism AND make sure the road gave Jen her powers back? She gets Jen out of the way—go do good again, just out of my way—because she's hellbent on the narrative that Agatha Harkness can't be anything but a covenless witch.

And what's the next thing she does, after assuring Billy that the road took Jen to safety after giving her what she wants?

She tries to get what she wants, because she knows Billy is in no real danger in his own road. Give me a little power-boost, dungeon master, get me out of here, come on. But he doesn't trust her. And if he doesn't trust her—she can't possibly convince him to willingly hand himself over to Rio.

So she gives him what he needs, what he wants from the road. She guides him—cradles his head and helps him fight the guilt, she helps him save Tommy. The second abomination that Lady Death was trying to prevent has already been re-born, but Rio's too busy playing mother-knows-best in suburbia on Agatha's rooftop.

So Agatha gets Billy out, accepts that, “sometimes boys die,” that death herself can't be blamed for Nicky—she forgives Rio—and starts to mourn herself. She's gotten Jen & Billy out. She can stay here and die the villain. But the road presents her with the opportunity to live—from death, life—(she also realises right then that Nicky was also Rio's, btw)—and she makes her dramatic exit. The rest is... A different post.

[empire-of-the-words]

Finally read Tower of Babel! Time for rambling thoughts!

Oh, Bruce Bruce Bruce. You are so flawed. I love it.

He's so... stubborn. He's focused to the nth degree, and it blinds him

The JL was so hurt by Bruce’s betrayal, but, like Talia's motif, the blame isn't entirely on him. They all react so human. Clark's hurts the most, because he's the quietest. And I think a big part of it is because he's seeing everyone else's pain. Like (assuming I'm reading it correctly), Clark was going to vote to kick Batman off the team, and I think it's because Bruce’s plans hurt others (and because of Bruce’s Kryptonite, Clark could see it better than he ever could). Not because they hurt him, he could figure that out, but they cost other people's lives

TALIA!!! I just don’t expect good writing for her, so even though I knew this was good writing, I'm just. dying. Her loyalty to her father and her love for Bruce are both of full display, but we also get to see just a bit of her choosing for herself. Also:

This scene. This scene. It's so quietly heartbreaking. The way she whispers "I see. This is a gift?". She doesn't want this. She wants to save the Earth, yes, of course, but not like this. She's never wanted it like this, but Ra's just can't understand

Ra's is also so amazing. He's peak supervillain, but still loves his daughter so much (in all the wrong ways). And he understands Bruce so well! Stealing the Waynes' bodies was elegent (in a macabre way) and perfectly executed. Also, when he puts the Kryptonite by the coffins because he knows Bruce and knows he'll send Superman for the coffins? *chef's kiss* perfect, no notes, worst father/son-in-law relationship ever

Also. The Brutalia? Crying sobbing sedate me, I couldn't have hoped for anything better. Actually, it's better than I hoped for. Talia calling Bruce her "True Love"? And straight up smacking the dude who said Bruce was dead without bringing a body? Bruce looking around for her the moment he heard her voice? And how when he confronts Ra's he confronts him about Talia?? Because last he heard she was shot and he doesn't know if she's safe?? I'm dead 💘

Begrudgingly dragging myself out of shipping, this comic was just. really well done? Particularly the issue where Talia breaks into the Watchtower, where the comics goes between her, flashback to Bruce learning his teammates' weaknesses, and Bruce’s notes on contingencies very well. The concepts were all very smart too. Like, the authors had to come up with

Ra's al Ghul's plan

All of Bruce’s contingencies

How Ra's got the contingencies

How to beat all the contingencies (without Bruce helping much bc there can't be a giant flaw he'd known about)

How to make Talia finally snap and leave Ra's after 30 irl years

And they did all that! They did all that very well!

Also, speaking of #4, this comic was awesome in showing the intelligence of the non-Bayman JL members

Anyway, love this comic, it's awesome, go check it out if you want

[t-a-a-1]

The Darkest Hour

Ch.3: Personal Reasons

Summary:

After being labeled as crazy for trying to report that robot aliens exist on national television, you lose your job and move to Jasper City. In a drastic turn of fate, you meet Optimus Prime. You and Team Prime get together to find ancient relics that are vital to the Autobot's cause.

Along the way, you and Optimus start to develop feelings that go beyond comradeship.

But what happens when he discovers you've been lying all of this time?

……..

This story is a slow burn. Eventual smut. Optimus develops an unhealthy attachment (he is smitten, obsessed) to you but nothing OOC. Lots of yearning, craving, hurt, betrayal, erotic and that good stuff. Ok bye. In case of any questions, comments, concerns, suggestions, requests, etc. You may message me here. Thank you for reading!

For a better reading experience you can read this story on Ao3:

>>>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/60642838/chapters/154846393

Ch.3: Personal Reasons

"So, one dot and a line is 'A' and a line and three dots is 'B'."

You had spent some time with Bumblebee to realize he was speaking in Morse code. You weren't fluent but you thought that studying and learning it should help you become more proficient.

The base is quieter than usual. Everyone but Ratchet was out on a mission to gather Energon. He is always working, you haven't seen him take a break from his enormous computer or what you assumed to be one. That's what you called it because you couldn't find a better word to describe it. Probably a Cybertronian data screen was a better option.

"So, have you found out the function of the ancient relic?"

You walk towards him on the platform. He didn't spare you a single second and kept typing.

"No, but I believe is part of something bigger," Ratchet says as he seems to be reading a scan. "A map may be."

"Interesting," you try to peak on his screen although you know that you won't understand any of it.

"When I was looking over the codes, it didn't say anything about a map. Although I haven't checked the rest of the documents for more information."

"How was a human like you able to decipher ancient codes that led to Cybertronian relics?

You didn't like the sound of the voice, as it belittled you. Thinking about it for two seconds, you decided to give it a pass. You didn't know if he asked out of genuine curiosity or because he was trying to satisfy his superiority complex.

"I don't read Cybertronian but there were some pictures I was able to figure out. After that, it wasn't that difficult really," you remember seeing a few paintings and historical places on the documents provided to you by your government insider. All of them have an inner message related to space. 

"But it's understandable if a Cybertronian can't figure it out. The codes are centered on Earth's nearby celestial bodies. You know, like stars, constellations, comets, meteors, planets."

"That's ... interesting," his tone simulates yours. "If these are Cybertronian relics then why made the codes for something only humans can understand?"

"Well, maybe what we are looking for is not meant to be found by the transformers."

"Maybe, but we should find all the relics before jumping to conclusions," he finally, turns to look at you. A sign to tell you that what he is saying is important. "And find them quickly before the Decepticons find out what we are doing."

"Then we should head out soon."

"This would be easier if the ground bridge was working," Ratchet turns to look at his side. You follow, noticing an arc made of metal. It didn't look like much but according to the doctor bot, it allows travel through the entire Earth in seconds.

"But I've been having trouble trying to fix it."

"At this point, I'll just have to fly myself out there."

"Wait, you can fly?"

He asks with such more genuineness that you find it adorable.

"I mean as taking an airplane."

Ratchet vents heavily, he was disappointed at your answer.

"Well, meanwhile I try to work on the ground bridge. Maybe you can head out with the rest to the second closet location from here."

On the data-screen, a location appears. A relic seems to be inside the Big Bend National Park in Texas. It will take roughly a day to get to oil land.

"Just let me know so I can ask for a few days off work. Although I wish I could help more."

You were never one to stay still in one place. Especially when you see Ratchet working so relentlessly and everyone is out there probably fighting the bad guys.

"If you want to be more efficient, why don't you quit your job and stay here?"

How easy would that be? To just give up and live a life full of excitement and adventures with the Autobots. But you had a rare sense of justice. Within you, it was your duty to tell the truth to the people. They were the lie and you had to expose them. And of course ... getting a little praise on the way.

"Because I need money to buy food. I'll die if I don't eat."

This was also true. It would be hard for him to believe you if you weren't being fully honest.

"If your kind needs 'food' to survive ... Why do you need to work to gain it? Shouldn't it be easily accessible? Free perhaps?"

"Yes, but our civilization is not as advanced with such concepts," you loved changing topics and also seeing the perspective of humans in another species' eyes ... or better say optics.

"How barbaric," Ratchet intonates his voice, it was rather comical to you.

"Agreed."

After a few minutes, you hear the sound of car engines approaching. You look at where the sound is coming from and certainly, the Autobots started showing up.

They transform back to their normal form, standing tall and well beyond 30 feet. You see them more often now but you are still fascinated by them.

Everyone gives you a look, acknowledging your presence.

"How was it?" Ratchet asks. He sees them coming in empty-handed and has already expected an answer. But he asked for more details than results.

"We couldn't find anything," Bulkhead's voice is tired. You didn't even know how that was possible, supposing the machines don't get tired. But you have to remind yourself that they are living creatures. Not things.

"We are running out of Energon reserves."

"What about you? Please tell us some good news," Arcee asks as she looks over to Ratchet.

"Tragically, I have none," Ratchet says, taking the time to step aside from his work to talk to the group. "The groundbringe still needs to be worked on."

Everyone waited for Optimus' orders. After a few moments, he speaks.

"Due that we are low on Energon reserves, (Y/N) and I will search for the next relic. Everyone else shall stay here and continue on the search for Energon."

"The closest relic is one day away," Ratchet looks at his data-screen where a blue dot stands out on the map. "So we better find some Energon by the time you come back."

"I am counting on you."

The Autobots don't say a word. They never needed to in order to understand each other. They can't fail.

.

.

.

You type furiously on your computer as Optimus keeps driving. The are a few bumps on the road, the movement makes your screen shake. It made writing and reading difficult. Your head is starting to hurt for staring too long at the screen but you can't stop.

"You seem distracted."

Optimus voice interrupts your process but you don't take off your eyes from the screen.

"I asked four days off work to come. I've been missing a lot and the only way they would approve my PTO is if I finish two scripts and upload it by tonight."

The next relic should be found in Texas, which is around a day from Nevada without stopping. Yet, you are a bit worried about the bot. You don't know if Optimus gets tired and you wanted to suggest resting somewhere in the woods so he could rest ... or re-charge.

"If you so wished, you could have stayed at the base. You didn't have to come."

He is right. The coordinates of the relic had already been figured out.

"And become more useless than I already am?" you proofread your script. See a couple of mistakes and a few sentences that didn't sound right. You quickly click on the back-space, deleting your previous work. Who would have thought that writing about a grandma turning one hundred could be so difficult?

"Besides, trucks have stops and inspections. What will the transportation officers say when they see an 18-wheeler driving by itself?"

You were so engrossed that Optimus' silence went unnoticed. As you finished writing your script and clicking on the period key, you looked up and noticed the road in front of you. It's starting to get dark. Then you turn to look to the co-pilot seat.

There, you find a young man around your age. Dark blue hair, ocean-eyes. Wearing a white shirt with a denim jacket. He doesn't smile but stares intensely at you.

You scream and throw your computer at him.

"PRIME THERE IS AN UGLY MAN INSIDE!"

The man caught the computer and looks at you with a confused face.

"This is my human hologram form," Optimus says, putting a hand on his chest. You were so used to hearing his voice on his robot or car form that watching it coming from a human version feels strange. "This is the form I use in case I am stopped by the authorities."

You reach out a hand, thinking your hand would go through him. It was not the case as you touched his shoulder. Grasping it so tightly, the clothes felt real. He almost did. But he feels cold and doesn't breathe. His chest nor shoulders move up and down. And his posture is too straight to be that of a human.

This once again reminded you that Cybertronian technology was millions ahead compared to Earth's which was primitive. To them, this was a simple 'hologram' because there wasn't a better word for your species to understand it. To you, this kind of technology was just beyond comprehension.

"If you have this hologram then why keep using cars as a disguise? Wouldn't this be a better way to blend in with our civilization?"

You reach out to take your laptop and take it from the grasp of the hologram quickly. Somehow you trusted Optimus' robotic version more than this hologram man.

"We can only use these holograms within 100 meters of our actual being," Optimus says. "Or if we have someone or something with a transmitter being kept at a close distance."

"I see," you give the hologram a stinky eye and Optimus wonders the reason behind your cold demeanor towards him. "Can you put him back? I like you much more as you actually are."

In the blink of an eye, the hologram disappears and you feel relieved. You didn't notice it but you feel the air of the vents touch your cheeks more strongly.

You were about to go back to work when you heard your stomach make embarrassing sounds. You were hungry, you hadn't eaten all day.

"Hey, Prime, can we make a stop?"

.

.

.

The gas station wasn't the nicest. It smells like piss. But there were burritos and against your lack of better judgment and hunger, you decide to buy one with egg filling. You looked around the store and bought some car stuff just in case Optimus was hungry. He couldn't possibly just drink Energon ... right?

You walk with a plastic bag and a burrito in hand. Opening the door to get inside Optimus' vehicle form. You close the door so no one can hear you talking to 'yourself.'

"Did you find everything you needed?" Optimus asks, anxious to get back on the road.

"Yes, and I also brought you some stuff."

Carelessly, you move the plastic bag upside down, the items falling down on the co-pilot seat.

"I got you oil from all kinds of brands." You also bought a lemon car air freshener. You stood up from your seat and put it in Optimus' rear mirror. "Pick your poison."

You sit back down while taking a big bite of your burrito.

"My apologies but if I were to drink oil, it would impair my ability to drive."

"How? I thought oil was good for cars," you chew into the food, tasting the egg and something else. Another ingredient you didn't ask for.

"Oil is good for maintenance but if we drink large quantities of it, our processor can become disoriented and there can be certain impairment in some functions-"

As Optimus continues talking, you spit the food in your mouth into your hand. On it, you could see scrambled eggs and pieces of steak. Steak that was still too pink for your liking and could still taste the blood on your tongue.

You open Optimus' door and run to the nearest trashcan. Vomiting what you just had and the entire of yesterday's dinner. It wasn't just that the food disgusted you, but the memories that were brought back were still too present. The smell of burned skin. It's as if you've gone back there. The screams, the death, the blood ... The blood in your hands was still too real for it not to affect you.

All the while, the Autobot leader watched, concerned for your safety and most importantly curious about what could make someone like you falter in such ways.

.

.

.

Optimus didn't want to stop, he tried to hide his disappointment but you just knew he was.

He stopped somewhere in the middle of the woods. There was enough space for him to mass-shift back into his regular size. You saw him stretch and move around, it must feel nice to rest after a whole day of driving.

He watched you as you meticulously built up a small bonfire for you. Pulling a 'camping bed roll' and laying it on the grass. You could feel his optics on you. He doesn't even try to hide it. Staring was rude on Earth but you doubted the same thing applied on Cybertron.

"If you want to say something, say it already."

You finished smoking a cigarette and threw the rest of the butt into the bonfire. Sitting on your camping bed, you had also bought a few crackers, chocolate and marshmallows to make s'mores.

"I do not wish for my words to cause you discomfort."

Prime sits a few meters away from you. His back rested against a large trunk tree.

"It causes me discomfort that you keep looking at me," you also didn't want to talk about what happened but you knew Optimus would always think about it every time he saw you. The thought annoyed you, you didn't want him to see you as weak. "You may be a bot but I can tell by your ... Optics that you want to ask something."

Your eyes lay on him. There is a stern expression. Of concern? Curiosity? Pity? All of them three? You couldn't tell and it bothered you.

"Let me guess, it's about me throwing up the burrito right?" you inwardly laugh. Now that you look back, it was so stupid.

"You must be thinking, what kind of person vomits because of a gas station burrito?"

"But it's more common than you think!" you already had a lie planned out. You weren't stupid enough to tell the truth. You didn't trust him. "It just tasted really bad and I don't eat meat. Made me lose my appetite."

To have PTSD because of a steak burrito was not on your to-do list for today. It was ridiculous and stupid. You can usually stand it when you see raw meat but having a taste of it is completely different. You feel pathetic for letting Optimus see you that way.

"I thought most humans enjoyed meat and other types of protein," he wasn't going to let go of the subject too easily. "Why are you different from them?"

"... Personal reasons?"

You didn't think he would care enough to ask any further.

"Personal ... reasons?" he asks, there is confusion in his tone.

"Yes."

"I don't think I understand."

"Well, it's kinda like," you look around and from your marshmallow bag, you take out two marshmallows. "Let's say you are dating someone and then you break up with them."

You move the marshmallows, pretending that they are people. Giving them life by creating a story of them. You put them together and then pull them apart, make them walk and fall.

"Then, I ask why you broke up the relationship and you say personal reasons"

You look up at the metal titan in front of you, he seems more amused by the marshmallows than what you are saying.

"That's like a cue for me to not ask any further questions because you are not ready or you don't want to talk about it," you throw one marshmallow into your mouth, enjoying the softness of it, "It's like a human social cue."

"What is dating?"

Questions and more questions. You would be annoyed but Optimus seems so genuinely curious that you couldn't deny him.

"Well, like," you try to look for the right words but explaining the concept of dating to an alien life was more complicated than you thought. "It's kinda like the time you spend with someone before deciding if you want to spend the rest of your life with them."

Optimus takes a few seconds to process your words.

"I see. Humans and Cybertronians differ on mating rituals."

You didn't like the word 'mating' since it was a term mostly used on animals. But now that you think about it, a robotic alien from a species that had evolved for millions of years may see you as an animal. Either that or he couldn't find a better word.

Nonetheless, the words made you question something. You look up and down at Optimus. Everything seems mechanical to you. Nothing 'natural' about him. But even so, you knew he was a biological begin.

"I hope I am not crossing the line but how exactly do Cybertronians ... reproduce?"

"Reproduce?"

You try to think of another word. From what you can see, Cybertronians don't have any reproductive organs, at least none you can see from the outside. The word 'reproduce' may be foreign to Optimus for that reason.

"As in create a new life?"

He takes a few seconds as if he were thinking of a simple way to explain things to you. You didn't feel offended, on the contrary, you could sympathize. It was difficult to explain to another species how humans work.

"On Cybertron, Sparkmates can build a Sparkling if they so wish. It is a very arduous process but after the construction is done, Primus may bestow a small part of the AllSpark into the transformer and so they come online."

A lot of those terms you didn't understand. But what you could conclude is that the process may be religious, more of a ritual than a natural phenomenon.

"It sounds complicated."

"It is a very hazardous, challenging and exhausting activity," Optimus says as he looks at you and then at the night sky. "But there's also beauty in it."

You take the freedom to look at him. He didn't have eyes as you know but his optics are expressive. Maybe it's the thing you liked the most about him. His optics never lied, it was easy to read and there is some logging in them that almost made you ...

"What about humans?" he looks back at you, unaware of your strange thoughts. "How do humans come to life?"

You look back at your ingredients. Picking up a marshmallow and a stick, you decided these two would be the characters of your story.

"Well, when a man and a woman really ... really love each other," you feel like you are explaining this to a kid but you try to make it as simple as possible.

"They become intimate," you put the stick inside the marshmallow. You take it out and put it in again, in a back-and-forth movement. After a few seconds, you look at Optimus who seems confused. You stop. Maybe you need to be more blunt with him, after all, he was a million-years-old alien robot. Embarrassment may not even be a concept to him.

"And nine months later a baby ... umm a very small human comes out of the woman's belly."

Optimus left the comfort of his seat to move closer to you. His faceplate was so close that you hear his vents and engines move. His optics showed such amusement that you would have allowed him to explore more of you just to satisfy his curiosity.

"Humans have the ability to create life?" Optimus looks at you with awe, his voice softer than usual. "You can give life to a sentient being, with emotions, dreams and hopes? Whenever you wish?"

"Well, I would need a partner first but yes."

After finally taking a deep look at you, he steps back and lays his back on the grass. Laying flat on the ground and having a front view of the night sky with its stars and moon.

"What a great power. Your gods must have certainly loved you to have given you such virtue."

Being able to reproduce another living being was a normal concept for humans. You never consider how difficult must it be for other alien species to conceive life. Especially for those that live millions of years. Humans have a short lifespan compared to that of a Cybertronian. There is no need for them to constantly be having children ... Or Sparklings as they say. Evolution had played them dirty, especially now. That's if they ever plan to repopulate their home planet.

"I wonder ... Since your kind has the ability to create life," Optimus speaks out loud although he seems to be talking to himself more than to you.

"If a Cybertronian and a human were to be intimate as you put it, would a new type of life be born?"

"I think it's more complicated than that-"

"How do your species become intimate?"

The marshmallow and stick explanation didn't work. You open your mouth just to close it again. It's not like it bothered you talking about sex but it wasn't like you were about to open up Pornhub and show Optimus a video. You just find it difficult to explain. It's not like you could say 'penis goes inside vagina' because Optimus would ask 'What is a penis? What is a vagina?'

Maybe it will be easier to explain it in his terms or in a way he can relate. You decide to ignore his question first in hopes that you can answer it later after he responds to you.

"How do Cybertronians become 'Sparkmates'?"

"Sparkmates are extremely rare. In my years I've only met five. There should be more but the war has lasted many eons and there are few of us now," the more Optimus talks, the more you realize that he isn't the quiet type at all. The right questions always make him talk.

"From what I've heard and read, Sparkmates could recognize one another and immediately Sparkbond as a sign of affection."

"Sparkbond?"

"A sacred ritual only reserved for Sparkmates. It is taboo for Cybertronians who weren't Sparkmates to Sparkbond," he continues to talk. You wonder if he is talking because he enjoys it or because he doesn't want to be rude and tell you to shut up.

"But myths say that it is ... an indescribable experience. Even if I wanted to share this information with you, I am unable to ."

"Interesting," you are relieved to know that you weren't the only one having trouble explaining relationships.

"Humans are not like that. We can become intimate whenever we want. Even if we don't love or have feelings for the person we are intimate with."

"Cybertronians also enjoy other means of intimacy," he says as you finally rest on your camp bed, laying flat, looking at the same night sky as Optimus and a belly full of smores. "Most enjoy it with a recreational means."

This sparks your curiosity.

"So ... What other ways can Cybertronians be intimate?

You don't look at him but wait for an answer that never comes.

"I am not certain if that's a proper subject to speak with a lady."

"Oh, come on!" you decide to share some human information, maybe that would encourage Optimus to speak more. "Humans really ... really enjoy intimacy. It gives us pleasure. We actually need to feel a lot of pleasure in order to conceive life. Is it the same for you guys?"

"We do possess the software and right circuits that allow us to process touch and pleasure."

By the way he doesn't dare to look at you, you can tell he is flustered. You are happy to know that Cybertronians can feel embarrassed. Maybe you two aren't so different after all.

"All Cybertronians have different tension points and if caressed properly then ..."

Optimus stops speaking for a few seconds. You don't know if its the archivist in him, with so much knowledge that it's begging to be shared. Or if it is the reporter in you that wants to know more than you somehow find a way to get the answers you need.

"Then?"

The leader of the Autobots stays silent, debating whether or not to proceed.

"I wish to not speak of this further."

"Please, Prime, continue! You were just getting to the good part!"

"Please respect my wishes."

"Fine, fine," you say, quickly thinking of a better question. "But tell me, have you ever been engaged in this type of recreational intimacy?

You pay attention to his faceplate and although he has no clear expression, you notice his cheeks become slightly blue.

"OH, YOU HAVE!" you didn't need an answer anymore, you knew. "Tell me, how was it?! Was she beautiful?"

"I wish to recharge now."

He doesn't deny it and this further proves your conclusion.

"Tell me, please! I am so curious now about alien sex."

"Sex?" his voice is genuinely curious. "What is that?"

"You know what, I suddenly became sleepy too," you put a small blanket over your body, no longer wanting to explain the whole act of human reproduction anymore.

"Let's call it a night shall we?"

"But I wish for you to tell me more about this sex you speak of."

You close your eyes, ignoring his request.

"Goodnight, Prime."

.

.

.

Big Bend National Park in Texas probably has one of the best views of the Milky Way in the USA.

Ever since arriving on Earth, Optimus hasn't had the time to do any exploring as he would like. Free time is never really on his schedule but he finds himself enjoying this time with you.

You had expressed to him the desire to stay a couple more days. Deep down, he also wished he could relax and drive into the distance. He almost wanted to say yes but you had quickly interrupted him, saying that you had work and couldn't afford to lose any more days.

The two of you had to walk on top of a mountain. Mostly, he walked a couple of steps up while carrying you on his right servo.

Optimus looked around the area and then at the sky. He looked up while you looked down. He knows he should be paying more attention, especially when you insist on being the one to scratch the ground with a shovel. He had offered to do it but according to you, he was too brusque and might break the delicate artifact.

He wasn't so sure of that. But he assumed that you felt more inclined to offer your help because you didn't want to feel useless and he wasn't one to want to diminish your efforts.

"There is an ancient story about how the Milky Way formed."

Optimus was so concentrated on looking at the stars that he didn't notice that you had started shoveling.

"A very long time ago, a heavenly god had a beautiful daughter, a princess. She fell in love with a farmer. The farmer also loved the princess."

You continued to talk while shoveling, your voice was agitated and Optimus felt the need to do the job himself. But the last thing he wants is to make you feel unneeded.

"But the heavenly god did not approve of it so he cut off the sky in half. The farmer stayed on one side and the princess stayed on the other. They could never see each other again."

Still, your voice sounds excited. Is excavating that much fun to you? Or was it the story you were telling? Either way, he couldn't tell. But he enjoyed watching you do both.

"The princess would do nothing but cry. Seeing her sorrow, the heavenly god came to a conclusion."

Then, you had come to a stop. He seems some awkwardness in your face. Confusion and uneasiness. Something that is not very familiar to you. But you were pretending not to be.

"I am sorry, I am talking too much. This must be boring-"

He can't believe that he has been paying more attention to you than the story you were sharing with him. A sense of guilt and shame felt heavy on his spark. Was it the stars? Your strange body that he was so unknown to? Otherwise, Optimus can't understand why he would be so fascinated with the scene unfolding in front of him.

"No," he says, walking closer to you. He kneels to listen more closely. "Please, continue."

Seeing his interest, you continued with the last part of the story.

"He will allow his daughter to meet with the farmer once a year. On the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, a flock of magpies forms a bridge, allowing the lovers to reunite for a single day."

He waits for you to continue and then realizes that you have finished your story. With an ending he did not like.

"That god is cruel. Is there anything we can do to help?"

"It's not a real story," you stop shoveling for a second to look at him. Although the night is cold by human standards, you still manage to sweat. A condition that is extremely foreign to him but he finds it fascinating. The fact that you are able to produce a water-like substance out of your skin is astonishing.

"It's fiction. It gives us an explanation of how the Milky Way was created and it's about the message."

"It's a tragic tale with a tragic ending," he says abruptly, showing his clear distaste for the conclusion. "I do not understand the kind of morale this story is trying to convey."

You stand in front of him. His optics allowed him to study you. Your chest moves up and down. You blink constantly. Your hair moves with the wind and your face wrinkles when you talk. There's not a single part of your body that it's not expressive.

Little by little, Optimus understood why the human poets and artists were so enchanted by the beauty of the human body.

"I think it means that to love is to suffer and suffering can be beautiful."

By Primus, he could have sworn he felt a glitch in his spark. A feeling that lasted less than a millisecond but one he will crave for all of eternity.

"It's a part of life. You can't feel happy unless you experience sadness first," you go back to shoveling, the ground around you has become deeper. Optimus wonders how much longer you will last until you give up and finally ask him for help. He needs to help you.

"And besides the star-crossed lovers can still meet."

"Soon?"

You stop again to look at the watch in your hand. Then you go back to work.

"Right now actually."

Instinctively, Optimus looks up at the dark sky to see falling stars and comets. The milkway splits the black mantle of the night.

"I do not see any birds."

He hears a sound. Like a soft and strange melody, delicate but sweet. It's the first time he hears you laugh.

"Did I say something amusing?"

"Don't mind me. I am just indulging," you say, still giggling a little bit. "You know, the more I get to know you, the more I see why you would be popular with the ladies."

"I- Umm-"

He wants to say something, to say more of him. To share things that will make him look more ... capacitated.

"Prime! I think I found it! The relic!"

You use your hands to get rid of the dust of the white pot. Taking a step aside, Optimus is glad to finally help you.Using two of his digits, he pulls the white pot from the ground, easily. It's not big but rather heavy for you. He is surprised that something made for Cybertronians could be this small.

"Mission accomplished," he says. "Let's get back to base."

.

.

.

The last thing you expected to see when you came back to base was to see three kids.

Well, two teenagers and one kid to be specific.

The Autobots had embarrassed looks on their face. Optimus was as unreadable as always. That made the situation even more uncomfortable.

"I departed for three days and returned to find ... small humans," Optimus observes the bots and the three other humans who look a bit scared. "Should I be concerned?"

Arcee steps in, knowing that she is the best to explain the situation.

"We were on a mission to retrieve Energon when we accidentally stumble upon the humans and they got tangled in our affairs with the Decepticons," Arcee says. "Agent Fowler was called and he gave us the order to guard these humans in the meantime."

Optimus stays silent.

"And the energon?"

"We now have enough stored for a couple of months."

He vents heavily and nods slightly.

"Very well then. I approve of Agent Fowler's decision."

Arcee then takes a step back and looks at the kids. She raises a servo, fully open. Not pointing but rather softly signaling.

"Jack, Raf, Miko," Arcee points to each of them for Optimus to learn their names, so do you. "Meet Optimus Prime, Leader of the Autobots."

"Hello."

"Hi."

"Hey."

Optimus kneels in front of the kids, taking a closer look at them. Memorizing their faces and names. Their appearances gave him a little hint of what their personalities would be like. He liked that, he wouldn't struggle too much to read them as compared to you.

"We have as well completed our mission smoothly," Optimus stands up and moves aside, leaving you exposed to the rest as you were kinda hiding behind his pedes. Next to you the relic that was safely stored inside the white pot.

"Old friend," now Optimus re-directs his attention to Ratchet. "Have you made any advances in discovering information about the relics?"

"No, tragically," Ratchet steps aside from his workstation to show the group the data he has collected so far about the first collected relic. "Good news is that Raf helped me fix the ground bridge so now we can collect the other relics across the globe."

"Very well then, the more pieces we have of this puzzle, the more we are closer to the truth-"

"Wait, is that (y/n) from Jasper TV News?"

Raf interrupts Optimus although there wasn't any malice from it. More curious than anything and excited.

You wave, still not liking the attention but you are not going to be mean about it.

"My mom is a fan of yours! She loves watching the news," Raf says as he gets closer to you. "Wait, what are you doing here?"

"I have my own shenanigans," you didn't want to tell the entire story, not wanting to divulge your bad behavior. "Long story short, I was in the wrong place, wrong time. Prime came to save me."

"So is Optimus like your robot guardian?"

"Guardian? Please, it's me the one who takes care of him."

You turn to look up at him, trying to tease him and get his approval.

"She does."

You weren't expecting him to answer but you are happy he played along.

"But I won't be here for a couple of days so maybe you three can take of him for me."

This time you look at the other two teens behind Raf who smile to greet you.

"Where will you be going?"

"Work," you say, your voice showing your clear disappointment. "Someone has to report the news and I haven't been attending to it lately."

You turn to face the Autobots.

"Now if it's not too much to ask ... can I get a ride back home?"

"I can take you home if so you wish," Optimus offers but you didn't want to bother him any longer.

"You've driven so much already, I think it's better if you rest."

Then, you hear beeping sounds. It was Bumblebee who had transformed into his vehicle form, opening the door for you to get in. You walk towards him, a bit excited to ride a nice-looking car.

"If you guys really need me, you can text me," you stand in front of the door, ready to hop in. "But besides that, I'll be drowning in work so please don't look for me."

There was some truth to that but you actually wanted some private time so you could write in your journal everything you learned on this trip. From the relic to Cybertronian reproduction. Everything was worth reporting.

"Goodbye, everyone!"

You raised your right hand, giving everyone a clear view of your palm. Waving your hand side to side. Bulkhead and the kids wave back to you while Arcee gives you an acknowledging look. Ratchet doesn't even bother, too indulged in his work and Optimus doesn't say a word.

You hop into Bumblebee as he closes the door.

Everyone watches as you and Bee head into the tunnel to leave the base.

Bulkhead and Arcee walked around the base and showed it to the kids. While Ratchet kept on with his work and Optimus just stared into the distance.

Although Ratchet was too focused on the screen in front of him, he could sense Optimus' presence still in the same room.

It was quiet and to Ratchet this was a bit strange. He looks at the back and finds Optimus still staring into the tunnel. His optics are heavy on him, that look on his friend's faceplate is not unknown to him but it's been eons ago since he saw it.

Optimus walks past the white pot uncarefully, making it spin, almost fall and break. He didn't seem to notice but Ratchet did.

"Did you see that?"

Ratchet asks pointing at the pot that thankfully did not shatter.

"Yes," Optimus says. "Her hands were damaged. Probably due to the excavation she did with the shovel. I should've had helped."

Optimus didn't see it before but your palms were swollen, pink and with a flew blisters and scratches. For a human with a soft skin like yours it must be painful to have.

"No, Optimus," Ratchet is now concerned. "The relic. Be careful."

Optimus looks at his side where the clay pot is extremely close to his pede. He took a few steps back, showing his clear confusion.

"My apologies, I'll be more careful."

Ratchet continues to look at the Autobot leader, wondering how or why he seems distracted. It's unaccustomed for a Prime to act in such ways but Ratchet couldn't completely be mad at him. He sometimes tends to forget that Optimus used to be more than a Prime and it was moments like this when he could see who Orion Pax used to be.

.

.

.

Every day is harder for you to get out of bed but you remind yourself that you need to go work. Tragically, you are not rich nor have anything to your name just a car you were able to pay off. A reporter's salary isn't great but it's not bad either. Maybe if you worked hard enough you will be able to afford to buy a house. A very small one.

You got out of the house, make-up and outfit ready. You weren't one to wear make-up in the office but today you were going to be live on television, reporting an increase in illegal car racing. Not something you were particularly interested in but you would take that any day over-reporting insignificant lifestyle.

You get into your car, put the tote bag in the co-pilot seat and close the door. You take your bag again, making sure everything is in there. Laptop, make-up bag, cigarettes, lighter, wallet.

Your phone is missing.

You sigh heavily and take off the seat belt, trying to open the door only to realize you can't.

"Don't worry darling, whatever you need, you won't need it where we are heading."

And that's when you realize that this isn't your car.

Once again, you will be missing work.

.

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.

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A/N: Slowburn who? I don't think Reader and Optimus have feelings for each other yet but rather is a fascination for each other species. I think both Reader and Optimus are curious by nature and I think that's why they get along well so far.

If I am completely honest, I am not sure how this story will continue. I just know how I want to end it but it's a matter to get there. Of course, I want to implement some ideas I've had for a while into the story but I want to make it as smoothly as possible without things feeling rushed or making it seem like things happened out of nowhere.

Although I feel like things have strangely improved between Reader and Optimus and it's just the third chapter. So I don't know, I'll see how this story progresses. I've written really long slowburn fanfics before but for some reason I only see this story being around 50k-60k words in total. Which for me, that's a rather short fic.

I definitely want to explore more of Optimus character and mostly importantly, I want him to be able to feel. He may never act upon his feelings but he still feels. Some emotions maybe unknown to him so he may lash or act in certain ways.

I still don't know if I want reader to fall in love first just for Optimus to reject her and through the story we see her moving on and improving as a person (cause reader still has a skewed way look at the world and she is lying to the autobots) and as she moves on and dates other people, Optimus realizes he loves her and he gets angry and annoyed because he starts to have ill feelings like jealousy, rage, confusion, uneasiness and he feels all of that because of you. And of course one day he can't control it anymore and he angrily confesses your love for you under the rain? ( ok I might be making this part up haha)

But anyways, I think y'all get my point.

In the next chapter, I would also like to talk more about the reader and her past. I think she's rather interesting. Not bad but not good either. Her views about life changed and from being someone full of hope she became kinda pessimistic ... maybe Optimus can help her see the good side of life again.

Thank you again to anyone who took the time to read this chapter. I apologize for any mistakes but I don't really proofread since I don't have time. I wrote this while at work actually, haha.

Thank you and see you on the next chapter!

Previous Chapter:

https://www.tumblr.com/t-a-a-1/767425691778203648/the-darkest-hour?source=share

Next: Soon

[yujeong]

kpanniversary2024, prompt 7: Favourite Platonic Relationship

"Hey, Pete?" "Hm?" "Have you ever thought of how your life would be like if you weren't working here?" The cigarette stilled between Pete's fingers. Smoke swirling in front of his face, somewhat blocking his expression from a curious Porsche standing to his left. Through his bangs, he noticed how Porsche wasn't actually looking at him when he asked the question. Momentary relief spread through him, though he knew Porsche wouldn't be satisfied without an answer. "Not really," he said truthfully. There was no point in hypotheticals, not in his case. "I have," Porsche said, as if he ignored Pete's words. The relief settled between his lungs. He took another drag. "My life would probably be the same as it was before," continued Porsche, "but I'd like to think I'd be able to open up that bar one day. Maybe after Chay finished university or something." Pete hummed and exhaled. His cigarette was getting shorter. Their break would be over soon. "How come you've never thought about it?" asked Porsche suddenly, turning to face Pete. "Do you... like working here?" Pete coughed and dropped his almost-finished cigarette to the ground. His eyes were darting between his feet, his mouth hanging open. Fucking Porsche and his questions. Sometimes, he had this need to pry Pete open and discover things Pete himself wanted hidden; mostly because he didn't know what would happen if he exposed them to the world. He looked at Porsche with a dumb look on his face, not knowing what to say, but he quickly remembered about their training and how they'd get punished by Chan if they were late to return. As good of an excuse as any. He said so and left with hurried steps, leaving a puzzled Porsche behind. Hopefully, he'd have forgotten this discussion by the time they'd be on their own again.

[eyrieofsynapses]

hey, Leverage peeps, I've got a thought. I've seen a lot of posts and memes joking about Nate's inability to understand that his clients do not want money, they want revenge. I also find this funny. but I was thinking about it and I realized something: there's a personal reason behind it. there is a very, very good reason why Nate doesn't get that.

Nate's drive to lead Leverage, outside of the crew, originated from his son's death due to his insurance company's refusal to cover the bill for the required treatment. we all know this. if his company had paid for Sam's treatment, everything would've been fine.

…or, if Nate had been a little wealthier, had a little more change to spend… maybe he could've paid for it. maybe Blackpool never would've had a say in any of it. maybe Nate would've had everything under control from the start.

we've discussed at length in the fandom how money equals safety for some of the others in the crew (Parker and Hardison grew up with little to none and know its importance to survival, Eliot needs it to stay ahead of his old enemies, etc.), but I don't know that I've seen any discussion on how it's relevant to Nate. for him, however, money equals security in healthcare and in housing (he lost the house, remember?). Nate's older than the others. he remained in the same place for much longer, and he had a stable life for a while. the others haven't been in that position before. many of their clients, however, are at that place in life.

yes, for the others, money keeps them ahead of the game and it keeps them secure. but none of them ever lost a kid because they couldn't pay for healthcare. none of them risk losing the life of someone who is completely dependent on them when they don't have enough.

(Hardison, perhaps, has the closest understanding, considering he hacked a bank to pay for his Nana's healthcare. but he never lost her.)

Nate thinks ahead, you know? he has a long-term view of things. I imagine that for him, when clients refuse the money, they're not just refusing a month's worth of groceries, or a place to stay the night, or the ability to keep running. for him, they're refusing control over their hard-earned, stable, long-term living situation. they're refusing the potential to save a family member's life.

I dunno, guys. I think that's a pretty good reason to not understand why people don't want the money.

[mejomonster]

being sad because of chronic illness is like... go to therapist. therapist says "well don't be so negative! maybe you can go do X more!" and you're like "well no I physically can't." and then they go "well maybe your doctor could do more, have you checked X Y Z?" and you go "well I have 5 doctors, and saw 4 others, and they've ran a ton of tests and done surgeries for the past 5 years, and I was MUCH worse before so comparatively they've done a lot, and they don't intend to do more, this is as good as it gets, and this is how it is probably going to be for my whole life. So no, I don't think I'll have more energy/ability to do X more in a year." therapist "well, never say never, maybe in a year you will be better!" me "yes. but i will also feel pretty emotionally crushed if i plan to be perfectly healthy in a year, then i'm not and still can't do any of the things i made myself excited to do." therapist "well... focus on what you can do! what can you do today that you like?" and i'm like "well i had to work today, to keep my healthcare, and i had to sit up to see you, which also exhausted me so... either i'll use the rest of my spoons to shower and eat dinner, or watch 1 show episode and eat dinner..." therapist "oh well... maybe you can do something fun... on the weekend?" me "well if i don't grocery shop, i will probably have energy to see 1 friend for a few hours. i may try to do that." also me - just do not mention the nonstop nausea and pain even doing things i like because we will re-enter the beginning of the loop where the therapist asks why can't you take more medicine, isn't there more treatment options, and i have to very hopelessly remind myself that no actually there is no option i'm not already doing and this pain is just something i have to fucking live with and i'd really rather not RUMINATE on that depressing ass situation over and over again.

[des-fangirl]

List of honoured boopers, i love you all verry much guys

@generoustacotheorist @just-a-gender-fluid-puddle @alexparozi @moss-ghoulette @p4nishers @tabbbbyyyy @keepsdrifting

and i couldn't just leave you without some kind of a prize. get ready, SUPER-DUPER BOOP !!

<]

[one-winged-dreams]

Well hi lady at the print counter at Walmart being a huge cunt right out of the gate for no reason

[bibiana112]

I too wish that the medical hack that made me grow up in a purgatory like state of existence would rot in prison Akane was so real for this

[theinfinitedivides]

i'm sorry but. ykw the next time i hear someone tell me that i have ADHD and (suspected) autism bc i have low emotional intelligence + all i need to do to get rid of my additional (possibly) EDS-induced joint pain is to think happy thoughts and take zinc supplements. istfg i will smash their kneecaps with a spike-ended baseball bat and put them outside in the rain. naked, and without painkillers. how's that for happy thoughts

[brainjuicey]

I like those little stories about heartbreak and two people who come back together like streams of a river, like the one by my house, because i think life was cruel to me and the love I had that "all turned to guilt and shame" because. because. there's a lot of reasons and also none. it just happened. we broke up. I don't even know who I'm mourning. if we could've figured out how to fix what went wrong, I would have, she didn't feel the same way. I was tired of always being the one who had the plan, until the plan didn't serve her anymore.

[randomaj]

..

[medicinemane]

Anyway, hope you're all doing well

I just... I haven't slept and also I've got like... 2-4 days of tumblr to catch up on... mostly to make sure I don't lose anything I want to keep requeuing

In many ways I'm probably doing better than I have been in a long time... maybe ever, but... I've got zero focus, I can barely watch youtube videos, I certainly can't play games... I can't get myself to clean... I don't know man

It's like... it's like my mind's empty except for some thick clear goopy sludge... it's like being over at a strange house sat alone in a big room waiting for people to come back... not wanting to touch anything so you just sit there staring and feeling out of sorts, except it's just constant in my own house in my own room... just saw Bart flop down in front of my door and realized I'm so out of it I forgot I had cats

It's like I'm living every moment in the moment, but not in a peaceful way, in a I'm untethered from reality and trying to figure out plans or how to deal with getting everything sorted out is just kinda painful kinda way

Then my mood... well... I kinda have no mood. I'm fucking numb if I'm honest. I have flavor opinions like "I'm worthless and should kill myself", but I actually don't even feel depressed right now, I feel nothing

I don't see much point to my future even if everything goes great, and I would like to kill myself, but I have zero interest in even considering it right now even though I have everything I need around if I just stand up and take a single step

So... much as it probably sounds like I'm just pure in the trash right now, I'm actually in many ways probably doing better than I ever have before... I'm just also real messed up right now at the same time

I don't feel hopeful, I never feel hopeful, but I do feel like I can maybe guide shit into a good position, it's just once again I figure that even if I do everything I want to with being able to help other people out and stuff, I'll still just kinda end up alone in a crowd

You know... funny thing is I'm thinking "the fuck is even the point I wanted to make?", and I realize... my point was actually that I'm doing pretty good and not to worry... not sure how well I'm selling it, but it's true

I hesitate to assign anything to myself, my stance on me and anything I can't conclusively say tends to be no comment... but if I were looking at someone else describing what I'm feeling in my position, I might be inclined to say burnout... months of having to be on and clean and manage everything and... all that... well it's one explanation, who knows if it's correct

Anyway though, I'm good, don't worry, know I do appreciate you all and wish I had more brain power to say more to more people... it's just maybe kinda sad that this is my version of doing good... the fuck is wrong with me if I wake up everyday feeling like I've been beaten with clubs... and for me this is kinda peak... what's that say about my baseline?

Doesn't matter, only thing to do is keep moving forward

Guess insomnia paired with not really being able to think, like words just kinda pop out with no planning... guess it makes me ramble real bad, this was supposed to be like one or two paragraphs being positive

It's a Beautiful World