#but i know i cant really ask a therapist for help with THIS depression

[mejomonster]

being sad because of chronic illness is like... go to therapist. therapist says "well don't be so negative! maybe you can go do X more!" and you're like "well no I physically can't." and then they go "well maybe your doctor could do more, have you checked X Y Z?" and you go "well I have 5 doctors, and saw 4 others, and they've ran a ton of tests and done surgeries for the past 5 years, and I was MUCH worse before so comparatively they've done a lot, and they don't intend to do more, this is as good as it gets, and this is how it is probably going to be for my whole life. So no, I don't think I'll have more energy/ability to do X more in a year." therapist "well, never say never, maybe in a year you will be better!" me "yes. but i will also feel pretty emotionally crushed if i plan to be perfectly healthy in a year, then i'm not and still can't do any of the things i made myself excited to do." therapist "well... focus on what you can do! what can you do today that you like?" and i'm like "well i had to work today, to keep my healthcare, and i had to sit up to see you, which also exhausted me so... either i'll use the rest of my spoons to shower and eat dinner, or watch 1 show episode and eat dinner..." therapist "oh well... maybe you can do something fun... on the weekend?" me "well if i don't grocery shop, i will probably have energy to see 1 friend for a few hours. i may try to do that." also me - just do not mention the nonstop nausea and pain even doing things i like because we will re-enter the beginning of the loop where the therapist asks why can't you take more medicine, isn't there more treatment options, and i have to very hopelessly remind myself that no actually there is no option i'm not already doing and this pain is just something i have to fucking live with and i'd really rather not RUMINATE on that depressing ass situation over and over again.

[spectralfriend]

when i was younger the idea of a lobotomy through the nasal cavity terrified me but honestly right now it sounds kind of restful

[sudokufag]

Mmm it's something I've always wanted a chance to talk about but have never gotten a real chance to online or in real life but since it's disability pride month and all

I wanna give a huge shoutout to people with phobias. (long post ahead)

I feel like phobias aren't talked about nearly as much as they should be in mental health spaces. We talk a lot about people's triggers related to traumatic events, but we don't really cover what it's like to have a trigger from a phobia.

Phobias can come from trauma, but just as many times that happen for no reason at all. Sometimes a slightly uncomfortable, embarrassing or spooky one time occurance buries itself into your mind for no reason at all and it just stays there because the human mind is funny and often slips up.

There's not really a community for phobias, if you look up your phobia online you will be flooded with really triggering images, you can't search any tags online because those tags exist to censor triggers, not to form a community. (not to say that those tags aren't important ofc they are) The closest I've seen is the tag "actual phobia" in Tumblr but this seems small and drowned out by fandom posts somehow.

Phobias are hard and exhausting. They effect you in ways that people wouldn't expect and you cant really explain. They can be humiliating to have: kids in middle school intentionally would trigger my phobia because they didn't understand the severity until I fainted onto the floor. I'm an adult by my mom has to hold my hand and head at the doctors office so I don't break down like a child, the worst was when I had to get my covid shot and confused children and judgemental elderly people alike stared at me in the midst of my meltdown.

Phobias are very isolating. That new movie everyone raves about has triggering subjects right on the poster and no one really thinks to tag it while it's trending. That video game looks right up my alley, but oh, it triggers my phobia and theres no way to censor it in the settings. You try to tell friends and family about your issues as they halfway pay attention as they file your fears under the same urgency "needs to ask their partner to kill the spider". If you've got an uncommon or silly sounding phobia, you will straight up get laughed at for expressing your fear, even in what should be really progressive and accepting places.

It's hard to really describe a meltdown to someone who's never had them. Phobias often make people cry and scream and kick involuntarily, we can vomit and drop in blood sugar and have migraines and faint. To say that it's the feeling of walls closing in on you is to only put in the slightest terms. When I have a meltdown, I feel like I am dying. It's the most pain and fear you can feel, reverting you back into a confused childlike state, and the only reprieve I can get is knowing that I 15 minutes I will feel better if a little tired and I will get to drink a coke with a silly straw as congratulations for making it through.

Lots of people will give you a flat and unsympathetic "get help." even when they're typically progressive enough to know it's rude to say that to people suffering from things like depression. It applies to us too! It's damn hard to get a therapist already, even harder to feel ready to look a phobia in the eye. Signing up for exposure therapy is a very scary thing to do.

So to anyone reading this with a phobia or phobias:

Weather being the very common ones or ones so rare and niche that you aren't taken seriously, and God help you on avoiding triggers

Being unable to enter doctors offices or grocery stores or the post office without shaking in fear

Those whole also struggle with OCD too and have intrusive thoughts about their phobias, triggering them even when sitting alone in their room

Those who's circle doesn't take their phobia very seriously and feels lost and alone when triggered

For those who have been hospitalized or institutionalized because of their phobia

You're not alone! And all feelings, even the very worst feelings, always will come to pass.

I wish that there was a community around phobias the same way there is for my conditions ADHD and anxiety, so we could learn coping mechanisms and better understand ourselves as people through each other's experiences. I'm not sure how that'd work or what that'd look like, but the best way I can think of to get started is to post things like these!

*feel free to share you experience if you want to in the tags

[jenniferjareauwife]

I’m in my depressed era, so I would love to read about JJ helping her teenage daughter with a restrictive eating disorder <3

I Feel Like I Can't Eat

pairing: jennifer jareau x daughter reader

category: hurt/comfort

warnings: eating disorder

word count: 942

age: 15

summary: you've been struggling with an eating disorder and your mom notices so she helps you

a/n: i am too in my depressive era and am a hoe for hurt/comfort <3

I bit my lip as I stared at the food in front of me. This was the first time I was eating a meal with my mom in two months due to her crazy work schedule and my sports schedule.

"Do you not like it?" My mom asked softly. "I can make you something else." It was a new dish so I knew she would most likely buy the excuse.

"Yeah...sorry mom." She shook her head, signaling not to apologize before kissing my temple and putting my bowl on the kitchen counter for later.

"Y/n?" She asked as she opened the fridge.

"Yeah?"

"Why is the fridge full?"

"Because I went shopping." I said quickly.

"There's no new food in here." I felt my heart beat quickly. She knew. Of course she knew she was a profiler for the fucking BAU and I was her daughter she knew me like the back of her hand. She knew. "What's with the anxious face?"

"Mom..." I trailed off as she walked towards me with a fruit smoothie. "I'm not hungry." I could tell by her face that she wasn't buying it.

"Baby...I need you to talk to me."

"About what?"

"Don't play dumb, ok? I'm sorry that I haven't been here for a while, I'm really sorry about that. I love spending time with you and I love you more than anything. You know that right?" I nodded and leaned forward as she placed a kiss on my forehead. "But just because I've been gone doesn't mean that I haven't noticed things, ok? Now I need you to tell me what's going on so I can help." She reached for my hand and squeezed it in reassurance.

"I just..." I paused for a second, trying to figure out how to get the words out, thankfully she was patient with me. "I don't know...I just feel like I can't..."

"Cant what baby?" I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. She put her hand on my back and rubbed it slowly.

"I feel like I can't eat." It came out as a whisper.

"Can you elaborate on that honey?"

"It's not that I don't like food...I mean I still like food...I think." It took me a few seconds to string together a sentence. "I just...I can't do it. Because it's so bad for me- mom I'm losing weight! I've wanted that for so long, you know that! And I'm finally getting it but after I'm done working out I get hungry but when I look at food I just get..."

"Nauseous? Anxious?" She finished my thoughts for me and I nodded. "So you still want to eat? You just feel like you can't?" I shrugged. "I can't help if you don't tell me everything baby."

"When I stopped eating I saw how much weight I was losing and I...I just stopped. It wasn't even the intentional at first but it really works, it really helps me lose weight but now I'm just...I'm scared to gain any weight back." I explained. "And I know it's bad, I know but whenever I go to take a bite of something it's like every cell in my body is screaming at me to stop and I can't fight past it." I took a shallow breath and clasped my hands together.

"Hey. Deep breaths." She told me softly, rubbing my back again, sighing as she felt how skinny I had gotten. "It's ok baby, just deep breaths, ok?" I leaned against her and hugged her arm.

"Do you want me to call your therapist? Tell her you need to start seeing her again?" I shrugged.

"I don't know if I want to do that yet."

"But don't you think it would be good to have someone to talk to?" She pointed out but I didn't say anything. She got the hint that I really didn't want to go to my therapist again so she just gave my knee a soft squeeze. "Well what can I do to help?" Her voice was unbelievably soft.

"Be here?" I shrugged and my eyes widened as I realized what I said. I knew how guilty she felt for never being here and I didn't want to make her feel bad, I didn't even mean it that way.

"Ok. Done. I'll take a month off, ok?"

"But-"

"Hey, no buts. I just want to make sure you're ok. You're my daughter honey I want to help you in any way I can." I nodded and squeezed her arm tighter. "You can come to me for anything, ok? I want you to know that y/n." I nodded. "Come here." She pulled me into her arms in a tight hug, something I had needed from her for months but was too scared to ask for.

After a few minutes she tried to pull away from the hug but I didn't let her. "I need you." I whispered.

"Ok. I'm not going anywhere." She assured me. "I love you so much y/n." She slowly rocked us back and forth, knowing that it calmed me down. "Starting tomorrow you're gonna eat at least two meals a day, ok?"

"Mom-"

"No protests. You need nutrition to survive honey. I'm not going to be lenient with this, ok? I need you to eat food. You need to eat food." She stroked my hair. "You can always talk to me about anything but I will be a hardass about you eating, ok?" I nodded, that seemed fair. If I had a kid I would do the same thing. "I love you kiddo."

"I love you too mom."

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[bil-daddy]

Mr bildad the shuhite, I need some advice. What do I do when that familiar overwhelming sadness washes over me? Ive been feeling horribly depressed lately, even though I have no real reason to be. I do talk to my friends abt this, but I dont want to talk abt my mental state ONLY and drive them away, so I refrain from talking abt it too much even tho it feels like it will drown me, because I am too afraid of seeming clingy.

Its been getting worse lately, and all I can do is distract myself from it. Ive been excessively sleeping just to not.. feel. I dont know what to do, nor do I know how to not feel this way

I made myself a nice breakfast, and it felt good. And then the feeling came back, like a drip drip drip from the leaking faucet of my mental health I cant control. I am scared. I am so scared

Sorry if this ask wasnt what u were expecting, or if u cant help me either, thats completely fine. I just needed to share somehow how scared I am. Of myself, what I feel I dont know

I dont know. I just dont know

Best wishes,

Anon❤️

*shows up one month late carrying six shots of espresso in a big cup to answer this ask*

It's taken me a while to respond to this because 1) I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself and 2) I haven't figured out a solution yet.

I do have some ideas, though.

You were on the right track, making yourself a nice breakfast. Little things like that make a bigger difference than you think. In fact, I think we should all try to live in the little moments as much as we can. Sometimes, when you're feeling depressed but can't point at a reason in your own life, it's because you're reacting to large scale problems that, while very real, are out of your control--and you know this, and so you feel depressed and scared because there's nothing you can do.

But there is something you can do.

Do at least one thing nice for yourself everyday as part, even if it's something really small. Especially something really small. Listen to your favourite song. Eat a piece of chocolate, just because. Play with a pet, if you have one.

And, if you're up to it, do at least one nice thing for someone else, too. Help your parents with the chores. Call a grandparent and brighten their day. Send a kind message to a friend.

Because you should keep on talking to your friends. The right friends will be honoured you've opened up to them. Listen to your friends, too. They might be going through things to, and being a comfort to them might in turn make you feel better, as well. Being part of a community, even if it's just a small group of friends--or even a group of two--can really help. Having you a sense of purpose, belonging, and importance is part of what makes people people.

Sleeping a lot isn't necessarily bad. Ive done that myself (for totally normal amounts of time, definitly not entire century or anything) Sometimes, your body and your mind just needs the rest. But if you feel like you're sleeping too much, then you probably need something exciting to be awake for.

It might be time to try out a new hobby, start a new TV show or book, take a class, or set a new goal that you can work towards a little bit every day. The mind craves new experiences and challenges. If everything's been the same for a while, depression can set in simply due to boredom.

However, there could just as easily be other causes, which are worth looking into with a therapist and a psychiatrist, if you want to try the medical route--and it is worth a try with persistent depression.

It sounds to me like you also have some anxiety about having depression, since it scares you (and rightfully so, it is scary) that you can feel it coming on and that you can't control it. For that, in addition to what I've already mentioned above, I'd suggest thinking about it differently. Instead of leaking faucet you're desperately trying to shut off, let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling*

(*safely and within reason--don't harm yourself or others)

Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it out.

Sometimes, the sadness we fear feeling ends up not being as bad as the fear of it. You might feel relieved, once you're no longer bottling everything up and sleeping/distracting yourself to avoid feeling sad. As cliche as a it is, the only way out is through.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey. You can do it.

[fairycosmos]

hey sorry if this is invasive but how do you know you have depression? things have been harder to cope with for the past month but i am incredibly ashamed of asking for help or even saying out loud because i feel dramatic, attention seeking etc. even realising how much it is affecting my life. do i really need to get it out to get better?

ive had it since i was a kid and my doctor has been aware of it since i was like 11 so it was just smth i grew up with - when im in a particularly bad episode i can tell because im extremely lethargic, unmotivated, don't look after myself, am prone to severe hopelessness and a sense of impending doom following me everywhere + self destruction, i drink more, i get paranoid, i dissociate and feel disconnected from the world around me and from my own body, im numb/sad most of the time, i have panic attacks and cant get out of bed even for things i would usually want to do, im very disorganised and have a flat affect/tone of voice, i don't interact with people much....honestly the list goes on LOL.

it's important to understand that depression manifests uniquely for everybody and if youve noticed a difference in your own behaviour/thinking patterns that is actively and consistently impacting your life negatively - then that is enough of an indicator that something is going on. it doesn't need to be any worse. if it's already difficult, then it's already difficult, and you deserve support with it. to some extent it's some normal to feel ashamed/afraid of reaching out - we're raised in a world that stigmatises mental illness and we've received that messaging for a long time. which makes it feel like the truth, but doesn't mean that it is actually true. i think the bottom line is that you need to treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through something like this. you wouldn't want them to cut themselves off from asking for help because they've bullied themselves into silence over what people might or might not think of them. if we want to live in a world that truly supports people with mental health issues in an effective way, then we need to hold ourselves to that same standard. i know it's incredibly overwhelming, and im not saying it's wrong to be anxious or scared about reaching out. i just think actively trying to frame it from a more objective mindset could help you accept what is happening and what the right next step is for you. if you have the opportunity to talk to someone - a hotline, your doctor, a local support group or therapist, even a friend/family member to begin with - i really encourage it. even write down what you want to say or bullet point what's been going on so you don't feel like you're being put on the spot. im sure you're imagining all sorts of reactions, but in my experience, professionals are very accepting of what you're going through and just want to work with you to see how you can process and cope with your current mindset more healthily. whether it's medication, talking therapies, showing you new coping skills - there's a lot that can be done for someone in your shoes. you're not stuck and they're not going to judge you. even if, in some alternate reality, you just wanted some attention - that's not a crime. i think it's natural to want someone to witness and acknowledge us when we're hurting anyway. sorry to ramble - there are a lot of depression self help and coping pdfs that are free and available to download online which offer a bit of support. maybe that could be a good stepping stone if you're feeling super uncomfortable with the idea of talking to someone. we all work on our own timeline and thats honestly ok. but if you're looking for truly personalised and effective help then i think working towards talking to someone is your best option. it's okay to not be happy about that and still do it, like swallowing a medicine that tastes gross. otherwise the thoughts just rot inside you and you get lost in a spiral of depressive thinking patterns and it weighs you down having to manage it all alone inside your head. you become at risk of losing all objectivity and sense of self, which happens to me often and is fucking horrible. if it's possible, i really hope you eventually bring this up to a loved one or a professional. im really sorry you're going through this and i truly hope better days are ahead. sending a lot of love. X

[throwingmuses]

slightly long-ish post below the read more asking for help with longstanding creative blocks that i cant figure out how to navigate by myself + could use some advice from people on here who have most likely experienced the same or at least similar issue and what helped them break the pattern

its actually very very depressing that ive been struggling so deeply with artists/writers/musicians block for over 2 consecutive years now because those are the only things that really fulfill me and give my life meaning ever since i first started engaging in creative stuff as a little kid. like i truly feel like those are the only actual skills i possess and even sometimes excel at but now it just feels like its just... gone forever. i try to sit down with a pen and paper with the intention to write or draw, or force myself to bring my guitar out to pluck a few strings just to say i did something at the very least, but nothing ever really comes of it. ive got so much shit bottled up in me that i desperately need to express but i just... cant bring myself to do literally anything some reason. the constant anhedonia i feel is honestly ruining my life and worsening my substance abuse. i can remember how relieved and proud i felt whenever i could even just finish a collage, make a painting, write a poem, or even just make up a little riff on guitar. i miss that feeling so so so much and my biggest fear is that my creativity (which has been the most important aspect in my life ever since i was old enough to sing and draw) is just... completely gone. im not really a spiritual person but i do feel strongly that my sense of creativity has a deep connection to my soul (whatever that means). and i often berate myself for just like, not doing it, despite the fact that i have the space and all the tools at my disposal that i can use to create a variety of things. i hate when i find myself seething about other peoples success in making art, and then i hate myself even more over the fact that im too occupied with my personal failures as a creative person to truly enjoy and be happy for the people that can and do create. sorry if this sounds whiny or trivial but its been weighing really heavily on my conscious lately. i know i desperately need to express the intense emotions ive been bottling up, but because i feel practically incapable of creating really anything, i just stifle my intense emotions via the aforementioned substance abuse. i feel like ive reached a dead end at this point, so i thought itd be worth going out on a limb by asking if anybody else on here has ever found themselves in a similar sitiation and were able to overcome those barriers and reconnect with their artistic selves? i just dont know what to do anymore and its driving me crazy, and ive never had a therapist that has offered any helpful advice on this issue

[hana-no-seiiki]

Imagine being the one that hurt someone else’s feelings

and then promptly blocking them when they said they’ve already forgiven you?? Im??

???

alright im gonna be real frank with you guys. and i’m setting this boundary now for the future. i am a yandere blog writer. not a therapist. at most you can be my acquaintance unless you actively try to approach me in discord or dms (i’m a high maintenance friend i’m afraid).

honestly speaking i’d rather you don’t vent to me (im pretty sure i have this in my rules) because i’m not in the correct headspace to be helping you.

you. dont. know. me.

i. dont. know. you.

seriously, think before you send stuff through asks.

is it necessary? is it kind? are you willing to show that to whoever might view that post? cause whatever that is out in the internet stays there.

you know what would be better to send through my asks? actual asks about my works or ocs, requests, ideas, maybe even your own works. cause guess what? it’s what this blog is about. heck even just some praise or critiques.

i don’t mean to be condescending or anything with this post, just read all this with the tone of a disappointed parent. cause that’s just today’d mood rn istg.

cause fr i understand it, ive been there. it’s why i try to entertain asks that mention depression, thoughts of unalive, or whatnot is because i’ve experience that. but there comes a point where i have to wave the white flag and say i cant deal with that anymore.

ALSO THOSE ASKS THAT KEEP ASKING FOR ANOTHER PART. LOOK I REALLY AM GRATEFUL FOR YOU GUYS LIKING MY WORK AND ANTICIPATING ANOTHER PART BUT IT GETS TIRING SEEING ALL THOSE.

anyways yeah stay safe everyone. no hate at all, i really dont want this to escalate to drama. mwah 💋

I’m most likely going to edit my rules soon as to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

[mommypieck]

hi im sorry but i really wanted to rant and my best friend has been rlly weird lately.. my finals are going on rn and im usually not struggling this much to study yk.. like- im smart. i understand everything and its rlly easy. i cud be topping in everything if i wanted. but im so burnt out from 2019.. everyday id go directly to more classes after school and id reach home at 8pm where my mom wud force me to do homework and study more.. i was the fat kid until 2 years ago and i never had friends bcuz of it.. i developed anorexia and suddenly got people talking to me once i lost weight.. but ive also been depressed with adhd and ocd.. my therapist thinks im doing fine even though my antidepressants dont make me feel fine.. my adhd meds stopped affecting me too.. i REALLY wanna study, like i really do. tomorrow i have an exam for a subject i really like. but im unprepared. and i simply can't get myself to study.. i really dont know whats wrong with me.😭😭😭 i know these are my finals and i shud be serious cuz this will determine my life!! but i cant bring myself to sit and actually study.. for the previous tests this year, i managed to study the day before and the morning of the exam.. but this time, even though im waking up at 3:30 to study for the tests, i simply cant make myself do it.. I really do wanna study, i never hated it.. but idk why i cant.. pls some advice </3

i usually just make myself like the topic i am studying. even if it's the stupidest most boring shit, i just tell myself that it's actually interesting. and it works. also im really bad at chemistry and i hate it, but lately i always study a day before the exam. i just can't study anytime else because my brain doesn't work. but I don't think i have any advice to give you if you don't feel like studying. i had to study so i study and i don't think about not studying most of the time. only with chemistry. i know i didn't help u but im seriously not the type to ask for advice.

[hellsbroadcaster]

I realize I could be compliant and block you, but considering you have multiple other blogs, i really doubt you're going to stop looking. So why bother? I was going to message you directly, but you blocked me again before I could get the chance. And I'm not interested in sending anons.

I guess I am just waiting for you to get bored. because its really being blown out of proportion. and I'm saying this for everyone now, because I do not care what mental health problems you have, what disabilities, it DOES NOT give you the right to be an asshole. It is NOT a free pass to get away saying insensitive things to people and not to expect backlash from it so entitled as shit.

Whatever you are dealing with, it is YOUR responsibility to learn and deal with it. I am not your therapist. I can understand and respect that things get missed, social cues and all that, I have a lot of friends who like me are on the spectrum, ADHD, dyslexic. I have depression, anxiety and PTSD and guess what?? I don't make that everyone's problem. I respect people who can come to me and tell me if I missed the ball on something, or I was being rude or something i said bothered them. because if I dont know, how the fuck am I gonna learn?

Roleplayers are not their characters. WE ARE REAL PEOPLE, with REAL feelings. We have lives, we make mistakes. my issue with you, is you claim to have been straightforward but really you were just rude and tried to blame on it on the fact that you don't understand social cues and its why you come off as rude. but i think you are just rude.

I was really understanding of it before, when we talked. I told you many times, what the real reason behind why I was upset and you ignored it every time and only focused on what I said. I reached out solely to inform you that the way you word things is important and if you said those things to someone else? They would not be as understanding as I was. and i feel like a little bitch for admitting it but it made me cry when i saw your messages.

but yes, i dont expect everyone to be my friend, i wasn't naïve in thinking that we were but it makes people feel a type of way when you use them for information, ask for their help and then when you don't need it anymore you come and say how you didn't ever have intention of writing, or being friends and you're gonna block and move on ( which is laughable considering you haven't). And it made me cry because, in the last year, I have given so much of myself to people I DID consider friends and dropped me the moment i couldnt give them what they wanted anymore.

because the rpc has a big issue in not seeing their roleplay partners as people. they only exist to give them roleplays and that is not right or okay. and you did that shit on my birthday. when I was having fun with my friends, I had to stop and fight back tears until the end when I could finally be alone. and i dont say this for you to care, or feel bad. i dont really give a fuck how you feel at this point.

you were rude and inconsiderate towards me, and you've never once acknowledged your own faults. you lied to me about the real reason you wanted to block me, which is totally fine and respectable. but you could have just said that from the beginning instead of giving me false reasons and therefore me trying to find other ways to make you more comfortable. deny it all you want but that's what a lie is, you were misleading. and the moment I started to give you what you were giving me, which is disrespect, you ran away. which is why I am writing this now. because I know you won't stop. I know you won't confront me. if I bothered you so much the realistic thing to do would be to keep me blocked. but you cant? because I know internally its a you problem and actually has nothing to do with me. which is why I can be so calm and indifferent about it.

why I dont spend my days thinking about you, or talking about you. or bothering to try and look at your blogs cuz i dont care what you do or say about me or whatever else. its why i wont block you, because i dont need to do or anything actually. you're torturing yourself at this point. this will be the last thing I say on it though. i hope you figure your shit out. maybe go back to therapy and learn a little more to be better.

[blackmoonrose13]

I just wrote a long rant post, then deleted it...I regret that. TLDR US MEDICAL INSURANCE SUCKS

I am sick of taking pills...they hurt, I don't know why but I assume due to how big my pills are due to how high the dosage is, and for some reason one of them is a fucking rectangle it hurts my throat, I don't like the feel of them going down my throat any more, it just hurts. (and also having memory issues taking them but like ugh thats a different rant)

I asked the doctor who prescribes me my brain pills as I call them...yes for some reason my insurance wanted me to do that. I get why, but the doctor isn't even my therapist they are just in the same damn building. Its stupid and complicated and us medical is dumb some days.

Anyway I asked him if there is a liquid option. I remember folks talking about that. He doesn't look up if my medicines are available for that, just goes. "If they are your insurance wont cover it" I go. "Okay how about another medicine that does the same as my current pills just in liquid form?" He again, doesn't look up, doesn't check the computer which is in the office. Just waves his hand and goes. "Your insurance wont cover it." To be honest I don't think this man knows, or cares to look it up, or even know what my insurance is...it has changed a couple times and he thinks I am on an older one. Also I am technically already taking a generic of a generic so its not like my body aint used to generic options.

I also don't think he cares period and just I don't know. Any time I ask for like an alternative he goes no...but not in a flat out no we cant do this. He does this like hand waving dismissal.

Due to many friends I know who also have adhd, anxiety and depression who also take medical mary jane...listen I can't spell the name right and spell check gave up on helping me. I thought, hey a good alternative, I can take a chocolate laced with the stuff, that shouldn't hurt. I think I can do this. I asked them about it, did a bit of research on my own. Ready to talk to him about this...he once again waves it off going. "It takes a long time to get approved," I can wait if it will make me not take a lot of pills. "it will cost a lot of money." Around 600 bucks and most of that money is for the card according to mom who has helped me research. "It might not even work." That last one irked me the most because he had no issues putting me on new pills which had a slim chance of working. And him going, "We wont know till you take them for a while"

I am just tired of him doing this it seems like he doesn't care or something. I am also scared to be more assertive because the last time I got assertive with a psychiatrist (not the one I am with now), he threatened to call security on me. All I did was point out the hypocrisy he said to me and how rude it was to say what I did was frivolous when he told me I should pursue the thing.

Fun fact about that asshole he asked me why I wear so much black and when I responded honestly. "It's my fave color and things I like come in black." He told me I was deflecting and using sarcasim as a barrier. While yes my autism can make me come off like Daria, or Wednesday addams with bluntness and monotone, I was actually being honest there and open with him, when he said that comment I did clam right up again on him. You know being vulnerable and made fun off when you do that kinda makes you wanna not socialize with that person.

I am off topic.

Any way so I am just really annoyed about my situation...fun fucked up fact only reason I am ranting all this shit, is because my mom knew how in the brain fog I have been as of late and knew my issue with pills and suggested a medication she is on that does the job of two of my pills, while yes not no pill, it is one less and smaller pill for me. And while I love this idea...I remembered all the shit my doctor currently has shot down, and think that is going to happen again...I wont know till june.

Now before anyone asks me this. No I can't go to the same person my mom sees, for 2 reasons, one insurance doesn't cover her, and 2 I don't feel the most comfy sharing the same doctor as my mom. Which I think is understandable.

I just really wish living in a small town wasn't so...annoying. Hard to find good medical people near me who take my insurance...good news can find a oral surgeon that covers me...4-6 hours away.

If I have a hospital emergency I swear the hospital I go to is going to the ground, because how the fuck they treated me the last few times, sexist doctors calling me sweetie, doctors commenting on my weight when that is not why I came to the emergency room, oh the dismissal of my issues, going "I am in pain" yet go "You seem fine to me" The covid deniers oh the list goes on.

I need a drink...or something.

[brad-bakshi-loves-bugs]

oh my gosh, did you just say you roleplay in your room?? dude (gender neutral)!! that’s so smart. and also really cute..:)

you talked about having ADHD. i’ve been having some trouble lately and i was wondering what it looks like for you? just to get an idea wether i might need to check it out or not.

thank you, i think...? this is the strangest ask ive ever received but i think being called cute is a compliment LMAO so ty

so like. adhd looks different in everyone it affects, and i always recommend reaching out to a psychiatrist or even just your physician if you suspect you might have some Fucky Stuff going on with your brain! i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 10 which is pretty telling for how severe mine is because they dont usually diagnose afab kids that young LMAO but again. everyone is different!

HOWEVER i will start this off by saying that i also have severe bipolar 1, which has a lot of overlapping symptoms with adhd. im not a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a therapist (or any other -ist), and i couldnt tell you which of my Problems are adhd and which are bipolar. so here's your disclaimer to please not use me as the deciding factor for whether or not you have adhd! my adhd personally is life-altering and essentially ruined my childhood for various reasons, and it's still something i struggle with daily. not every case is so severe (most aren't, in fact), so take everything i say with a grain of salt!

but here's a list of things i attribute to my adhd, which is very far from a complete list, but it's what i can think of off the top of my head:

i HATE silence. whenever im doing anything i have to be playing music or listening to something or i cant focus at all, but it also cant be New Music or ill just get distracted and not be able to focus

on the flip side, i also cant fully concentrate if i have any sort of noise. so if im trying to have a serious conversation that requires my full attention, i have to turn off all music and essentially block my ears so that i can focus. no i dont know why but its SO FUCKING ANNOYING

i alternate between skipping every song halfway through because i get bored quicker than a song can finish or listening to the same song for 6 hours on loop and still wanting to listen to more of it. seriously, i listened to rockstar sea shanty by nickelback almost 400 times this year alone, and i only just discovered it in august

when i hyperfixate, i cannot do ANYTHING else or i get massively depressed and lose all motivation. i ended up in a psych ward back in october because the thought of doing my (easy and otherwise enjoyable) job made me self-harm because i was hyperfocused on watching a specific show and i couldnt do ANYTHING else. im a terrible employee

time management? not here! im late to EVERY SINGLE THING. i had an interview yesterday and i was late by 15 minutes. when i was working at petsmart, i can count on both hands the number of times i showed up to work on time in an ENTIRE YEAR. i have no idea why im like this and i hate it

i pace. a LOT. like, i spend several hours a day pacing. i literally just walk around my kitchen and living room and bedroom aimlessly. im like an npc, but instead of giving you helpful tips i just give you really shitty one liners and puns until you beat me to death

if im not pacing, im doing SOMETHING. whether im biting my nails, popping my knuckles, bouncing my leg, bobbing my head, anything. its physically impossible for me to sit still. like right now, im sitting at my desk typing on my keyboard, but im also shaking my legs violently and bobbing my head to the music im currently playing (it's hicktown by jason aldean. yeah, i enjoy country music. im a redneck sorry)

i SUCK at multitasking. like, even just listening to something and writing. or listening to someone and watching tv. or listening to two things at once. okay, so im starting to think im just really bad at listening. but STILL. my mom can work and watch tv at the same time, but if i try to do that i just end up watching tv and i cant get anything done. i absolutely cannot concentrate if two things are happening at once

i cant watch movies. i literally spend more time rewinding and playing back whatever i missed while i was checking my phone than i do actually watching the movie. im the same way with tv shows unless im hyperfixated on them, but at least theyre shorter so i can take more breaks

again, this is not a complete list. nor does this mean that if you check all of these boxes then you also have adhd, or that if you dont check them then you dont. i cannot stress enough that adhd affects every person differently. thats why its such a bitch to diagnose, and why the symptoms overlap with so many other illnesses and disorders.

i do hope that some of this helped! i have no issues with talking about my own mental problems because im a very firm believer that they should be destigmatized and more often talked about publicly, but i try to limit how often i bring up my own issues unless someone directly asks about them because i know not everyone wants to hear about them and that's fine too!

[automatismoateo]

grieving as an atheist is so isolating via /r/atheism

grieving as an atheist is so isolating my sister killed herself, left a note and everything. she was only 18 years old. most of my loved ones are spiritual and while we usually see eye to eye on most things, this is different normally, i really dont mind hearing about people’s spiritual beliefs, i actually find it really interesting. i dont even like to bring up my beliefs (which are nothing lol i just think what you see is what you get) unless i’m directly asked about them because i feel like such a buzzkill when i do. and i dont really want to get into an argument or end up in a situation where someone is trying to convince me of their beliefs or ask me to explain why i disagree with them. if someone is happy with their beliefs i dont want to fuck with that. it’s just been really frustrating since my sister died. i still act the same way, but internally it hurts every time i have a conversation like this. i’ve had to tell my closest friends to not bring up my sister if they’re discussing anything spiritual because it’s so triggering. it’s so infuriating and depressing and frustrating to hear things like: “she’s in a better place / at peace now” “she wasn’t meant to be around for long in this lifetime” or she was meant to die when she did “in her next life she’ll blah blah blah” “i felt her presence / got a sign from her” my friend went to a psychic the other day and told me that the psychic was talking about my sister and even “channeling” her saying that my sister said this and that. i kept my mouth shut but in my head i was screaming yeah no shit the 5 star psychic your mom got u an appointment with knew that, that shit is publicly available on instagram i feel so alone. it’s frustrating because i know people are just trying to make me feel better by saying those things. i know their intentions are good and i know that these beliefs really help them feel better and make sense of all this. so i don’t want to take that away from anyone. but it’s isolating to feel like i cant talk to anyone about this. the only person i can really talk to about this is my therapist. i can reminisce with others, but that’s about it especially with her death being a suicide, as someone who has been very close to suicide before and spent countless nights worrying about loved ones who were feeling suicidal at the time. it feels so insulting to be told that this was MEANT to happen. that she was supposed to die at 18 and theres nothing anyone could’ve done to stop it. i understand that this is just their way of accepting the situation for what it is and letting go of all the “what ifs”. but something about that just feels like a slap in the face. those are the exact things i’ve told myself in my head. i’ve felt doomed before, i used to think i wasn’t gonna live past 16, 18, 21, etc. i don’t think that anyone was “meant” to kill themselves. i feel like it’s important to acknowledge the ways that this could’ve been prevented because i dont want to let this happen to anyone else Submitted September 01, 2024 at 10:03AM by zero-synergy (From Reddit https://ift.tt/zquOfEC)

[scentofpines]

my brother visited us today and OH MY GOD AM I GLAD HE'S FINALLY GONE. i cant pinpoint exactly what it is about him but i find him so hard to deal with. he seems very "unproblematic" for lack of a better word and chill and nice etc. but he is also kind of a control freak (in a subtle way) and VERY patronizing and he always inquires (not asks lmao) how i am doing and i always dread this question bc he just won't let it be when i say i'm fine and always sorta wants me to pour my heart out to him?? And I. just dont want to??? Lol. Like today he asked again "how are you?" and I said I'm pretty good BECAUSE I ACTUALLY WAS OK I WAS FEELING WELL and then he was like "yeah? really?" in a very questioning voice ughhhhh. i fucking hate this, it also just feels kind of devalueing to my progress. like i'm having a fairly good time and then there's this dude basically reminding me that i'm supposed to be depressed bc i guess that's just my personality. this doubting thing he always does just pisses me off so bad.

and then later we were just completely casually chill chatting together with my mom and out of fucking nowhere he was like "so what about therapy for you?" and I thought i didn't hear him correctly and I was like????? What the hell are you talking about? And then he just kept saying that i should try therapy again and i was very confused bc it came so suddenly and also i am currently absolutely not planing on doing a therapy. i had my share of experiences with therapists and i'm just not up to it right now. but he was very pressuring like "it could really help you" etc. and kept saying all this shite as if i myself have actually NEVER thought about this. (he is like this very often, for example when my mom and i talk about how we are planning on moving to south west france in the future, he is always like "do you know how complicated it is to move to another country??? do you know how hard it is to take care of a farm???? do you know they speak french there????? do you have brains?" SHUT UUUUPPP) and the thing is when i push back then and voice my opinion of not wanting to do this or, like in the "how r u" situation, insist on being fucking FINE or even just saying or heavily implying that i do not want to talk about this stuff with him it ALWAYS makes me look like i have an even bigger problem because 1) i "lie" about how i'm doing 2) i don't open up about my feelings to anyone 3) i am an idiot that refuses therapy. HE ALWAYS MAKES IT LOOK LIKE THIS with the the way he speaks to me.

I know he means well but it just feels extremely annoying, nosy and infantilizing.

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

[was it on anonfememes, or my blog here] the former! It was a rlly long time ago. I thought I was going insane for a while but I managed to see a psychiatrist and it just ended up being OCD :( and it sucks so bad. Like I've had it since early childhood but it never flared up like it has now. It consumed my mind 24/7 and I struggled so badly in school and basically everything. Looked miserable all the time bc I was. Now that I'm treating it and my depression I've been doing better. Even my therapist and one of my teachers mentioned that I look like I'm in a good mood :< this was when I was a few weeks on meds. It's rough and I still experience a lot of ocd symptoms throughout the day every day but I'm trying my best. I feel like a complete freak and alien and i get such strange urges and feel so confused about everything and sometimes I cry out for help in people's ask boxes but end up looking insane AF. but like ty for your kind words I really appreciate it ♡

anon i prommy u arent insane asf for this -- i cant personally speak to the feelings from ocd specifically, but with many a mental condition it can become so disorienting and isolating that u feel a need to just have anybody there really present to aknowledge ur feelings- i dont think its a bad thing to want in the slightest

im sure it can be confusing... if you have someone to talk w/ about those feelings regularly it tends to help- but just know you're doing your best and youve made amazing progress :) in my experience sometimes u need to remind urself how far uve fought to get to this place mentally, just to able to appreciate how far you've come..

also feel free to send me asks whenever u feel like it, im slow to respond sometimes but ill be here to talk