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vacantgodling · 2 years ago

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re. about

ren (or rimz for cool kids). he/him. twenty five. black. queer. neurodivergent.

i'm redoing this because i'm losing steam (thanks work) and i'm pulling back on a lot of projects to mostly focus on things that make me personally happy. as is the nature of my brain, i will still jump back and forth between projects when i lose the flow for another, but i’ve narrowed my important wips down to just three main ones. other projects are currently being shelved, or put to the side as half baked ideas that i still need to keep in the oven before i introduce them to anyone formally.

(so if you don’t see a wip listed in the wips tab, it’s either shelved indefinitely or i want to work on it on my own for a bit. you can ask me about my other wips if you know/remember them but i can’t guarantee i’ll answer about them at this time. this also doesn’t mean i won’t ramble about them when i feel like it.)

important sideblogs = no pressure to follow just fyi

@babylonsfalling -> all my fandom and other nonsense goes here

@todazzlingreading -> this is a personal checklist for things i want to read by y’all that i don’t have time or spoons to get to at the moment i see it. once i read a post there i’ll delete it from that blog and rb it over here with any comments in the tags :3

to find my art commissions, please look here: https://www.tumblr.com/vacantgodling/715216537870532608/commissions-are-open

re. disclaimers / interaction

i mainly write fantasy; it’s a broad overarching label that covers all of my interests and it’s my first love in writing. horror and horror adjacent elements always make an appearance in my works. i emphasize complex mlm relationships and male leads, and romance is a great love of mine as you’ll notice from the king of my current wips. worldbuilding is also a great love of mine. i also love writing smut and talking about my characters having sex.

as such some disclaimers: following me is a very much curate your own experience. i don’t want to hold back talking about adult and mature themes so if you’re uncomfortable with anything i talk about i’d just suggest you unfollow lol nothing personal.

i’m open to asks and talking about anything but there’s no pressure. anons are always cool. i’m probably not gonna do writing based tag games too too much bc writing has been nonexistent lately but character asks or ramble ones i will do :)

also, as a personal ask: please do not refer to any of my characters as babygirl or girlie(s). shit makes me squick thanks.

re. main wips

linked are the main tags & once i finish the wip intros for paramour and tcol (revamping them) i’ll link them as well. feel free to ask to be on the taglist for any of these (i’m going to do better with these) — taglists will be activated for all writing and official posts. this won’t include ask games or random babbling.

PARAMOUR || “saved” from an imminent social death through arranged marriage, HYACINTHUS SHRAPNEL is whisked away to The Chateau aux Aisles D’or, where an unlikely sexual relationship with his butler AMON leads to far more than he bargained for.

THE CHRONICLES OF LATHSBURY (check out the crash course HERE) || The Aegean Guild of Explorers, led by the mysterious newcomer to Lathsbury Madja Fandel welcomes its newest contingent after the guild bid: PIPER FAIRWIND a MBW with a fighting spirit and desire for money and glory, DEUX UNDERSHIELD a naive protector seeking answers for her brother’s spurn, SANDRA “SAN” DEARBORN a vicious hunter with a chip on their shoulder, CLEAR BRIGHTENDALE a medic with a host of dark secrets, and FORTE SYMPHONIA a ranger seeking his own destiny, are as ready as they’ll ever be to enter the fray, to conquer the mysterious and dangerous LABYRINTH. Forces that have been in motion since before their lives even began are finally reaching their peak, and the five of them will have to use everything they’ve learned and then some to stay alive.

re. navigation

talking -> musings and personal thoughts

about renjamin -> insight to me / who i am

ren analysis -> when i get meta about my wips

ren mix -> a treasure trove of my music taste

ren polls -> any polls i make

ren reads -> for my ramblings and analysis as i try to get back into books

friends tag -> talking with friends or boosting my friends work

others work -> boosting other writeblrs work

hall of fame -> praise / things that make me happy that i want to keep

ren writing -> all of my writing in one place

ren poems -> all of my poems in one place

ren fic -> all of my fandom related writing in one place

ren art -> all my art

q eh you eh -> queue

sex mention -> tag for any sexual content.

worldbuilding -> all of my worldbuilding notes across all my wips

find the word tag -> for this game specifically so i can find it

last line tag -> for this game specifically so i can find it

ren hot cakes -> specifically for my overly opinionated opinions

writing recap -> tracking my writing journey so i can hold myself accountable

#writeblr #re intro #writeblr intro #about renjamin

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drippingviolets3 · 8 months ago

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Hey,

I never thought I’d have to make a post like this, but I guess I should have known I’d jinx myself.

I think I’m going to stop writing fanfic.

At least, I’m going to stop writing for large fandoms, and I’m going to stop with headcanons in general too.

Y’all don’t care about my personal life and I don’t like giving personal information out online, so all I’m going to say is that I’m at a point where I really need and want to take my writing seriously. I’m burnt out and uninspired for stories that others will like if I wrote for other fandoms, and when I am inspired it’s all self-indulgent and let’s be real, no one likes that shit.

So now I’m left to wonder what to do with this blog.

I don’t know if I want to delete it. I know there’s a few people out there who like some of the work I made, but at the same time I’m not satisfied with it. I might leave it up for archival purposes, but I might also take it down in case it becomes a hindrance for things like job interviews. Or maybe I’ll start a brand new blog all together! I’m yet to decide to be honest.

I might drop by when inspiration hits and post some writing regarding any fandoms, but as I look through my blog’s posts, I’ve realized that this hasn’t become a blog anyone followed for it’s main purpose. If I can’t offer any writing pieces, naturally more and more people will lose interest.

I’ve been working for the approval of others when it comes to my writing, but I don’t mean that to guilt trip anyone. When I say that, I mean that I’ve been trying to focus on what I think others want to read, and then there’s just writing for stuff that people request that don’t inspire me— and that’s in the rare instance that I do get a request to begin with. I don’t want to give up writing, but the longer I go on like this and the longer I wait for requests that will never come, the more love and passion I lose for writing.

I started this blog because I want to be an author. When I looked up the steps to become an author and the best ways to do it, one of the steps was to start a writing blog. So I did, I created the blog you see now and tried to garner attention through popular fandoms and offering what I thought others would want, but I haven’t been improving like I want to be.

But recently, I started a project that has inspired me at long last. A story about one of my characters that I’ve grown to enjoy, and I want to keep writing for it and share it with y’all because this is genuinely inspiring me. The more I write for it, the more I think about it, and the more I think about it, the more the ideas keep coming in.

I don’t know if I’ll post it here though. Even if I do, there won’t be enough attention to build a community or a fandom for it. I have work to do if I want to hone my writing and gather enough attraction to kick off an actual career in writing, and if I don’t start now I never will.

Remember: I’m yet to come to a final decision, but one thing is certain. I’m not happy where I am now, and I want to change that.

#violetta’s rambles #announcement

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pianostarinwonderland · 3 years ago

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Why you dislike MalleYuu? Im just curious but I respect your opinion if you dont want to.

No worries! Honestly, this is kind of a vent so I’m putting this underneath a cut and not putting this into the main tag, so please feel free to scroll past if you don’t want to see me complaining.

Firstly, I dislike Malleyuu because of how fans always come proclaiming that One scene between them means endgame romance. I get that it can be in a joking manner, but also, since it’s the internet, it’s hard to tell. And it gets really tiring to see it over and over and over. 🤡

It’s also really funny because you have Ace going “hehe would you like sleeping in our room :)” but none of you are gonna go awooga over that? 😭 but then Yuu invites Malleus to VDC because hey why not, invite a friend right? And then everyone goes “AAAAAA ENDGAME SHIPPPPP”.

Now while that’s one main reason why I dislike the ship, it’s not The main reason.

My biggest peeve about the ship is that it feels invalidating to everyone else. So you’re all going to say all the Yuus that people made to ship with Malleus are the only ones good enough for validation? You’re just going to brush off every other sona shipped with other characters out there but hype up sonas with Malleus? The Malleyuu week that happened at one point in the year? In unfiltered words, it hurt. A lot. You guys will only celebrate Malleus stans? Really now?

As a blogger who really loves to talk about Octavinelle (especially Azul), it’s honestly demotivating when my inbox is always filled with Malleus and not Octavinelle and when my Malleus posts have much more clout than other posts that I put more time and energy on.

Character-wise, Malleus just doesn’t interest me. I’m not into the lonely boy trope. In fact, his grandma’s more interesting to me 😂 I can’t really think of any interesting theories for him aside from any UM possibilities, but even then, ehh? Him being so overpowered also doesn’t help. So when people keep sending me asks about him, I find myself feeling so tired that I either write a half-hearted response or delete altogether. And I really only write a response because I don’t want to be unfair to everyone 😭 but of course, I have my own limits too.

And when Malleus posts get so much more clout? Please, one of my top posts is just an anon submission about Malleus’ eyes and that got more popular than character posts I made? So what does this say? That people will ignore the posts I put my heart and soul into just because it’s not him? That I have to force myself to write about someone that I’m not interested in at all just for people to look at my blog and want more from me? That I won’t be as loved in the community as Malleus stans? Is that it? I have a number of long posts in my drafts, and each time, it gets unmotivating to do them because what if it’s going to be brushed aside after all that I’ve done?

It hurts, honestly. Even if I try not to show it, it hurts.

While irl will always be the first and foremost reason why I sometimes won’t be seen posting or reblogging, seeing Malleus getting the clout is also a reason why I lose the energy to even post something. Sometimes, I’d get the urge to just put up a second post asking you all to stop talking about Malleus for the time being because I’m tired of talking about him. But I try not to because I don’t want to be unfair again about who to talk about.

It also reaches the point that when people lovemail about him or him and Yuu, I get irritated or uncomfortable. I can ignore it in a server (and heck I’ll be likely to bulli), but when it’s lovemail in DMs, that’s when I feel blegh about it. And I can’t just ask people to not lovemail about him 🥲 because that’s just being mean, right?

So yeah anyway :’) congrats I guess if you read thisbto the end.

#ask

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bookofmirth · 4 years ago

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If you have the time/energy I would love to hear more of your thoughts about Az's persona! He's such an interesting character to me, and I feel like most of the theories I see about him centre around elain, and how his behaviour is mate behaviour (the double bond thing). Personally I think azriel has a lot of anger, isnt very open with his friends, and also feels like he has to be the one to fix everything (this comes out with elain but also all his relationships).

Can I just start this off by saying “what the fuck” at the double/true/created bond thing. I’ve seen some WILD shit out there in the fandom, wild.

I have been writing and deleting and copy/pasting etc. this post forever and I can’t decide how to approach it, so I hope this makes sense! I didn’t pull out a ton of quotes because tbh it’s a lot of work and I’ve read these books???? So many times. And this is tumblr, not comprehensive exams.

I would agree with your characterization of Azriel!

Anger - this comes out in really inappropriate times, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns his anger around on himself. We all know that Rhys described his “icy rage”, and later on his “cruel competitiveness”.

Lack of communication - yeah, when has he had a heart-to-heart with anyone in this series? When he does, it’s not about making himself feel better, or sharing his own feelings. It’s to be of service to someone else. All the IC have described trying to reach out to him in their own ways, and not being successful.

Needing to fix things - yes! I see this as his need to be of service. He’s always the first one to jump into work. It took Mor hundreds of years to get him to go to Rita’s, right? He’s a workaholic in a world with no labor laws. He always wants to be the one in charge of gathering intel, of finding people, or fixing problems. I think this is closely tied to two things: his lack of self-worth, and his anger. If he can stay busy enough and work hard enough, he can prove his worth to other people, if not to himself. This is why he loses it when Rhys or Feyre tell him that he can’t handle something.

Funny thing, but people who have followed my blog since early 2017 know that I shipped moriel hardcore. I just loved it. I wrote so much meta and fanfic. A lot of the arguments that I see now remind me a lot of arguments people used to make about moriel - and it makes sense! Az’s behavior around both Mor and Elain are eerily similar. So I thought I’d compare his behavior towards them because that can tell us about his character!

To me, his treatment of Elain (and Mor) comes down to two things:

What his mother and Mor suffered (and he was unable to prevent), and

His lack of self-worth due to abuse

Azriel and Mor didn’t know one another very long before she slept with Cassian and was left brutalized by her family. This happened when they were all in their late teens, which is not long after Azriel was tortured by his brothers, rarely let outside, and rarely got to see his mother. At the same time that Azriel sees his mother treated so poorly, he then feels intense guilt and rage at what happens to Mor. It’s enough to make him overreact in the future, any time that Mor (or another female) is in danger. So here are a bunch of examples of him being overprotective of Mor and Elain. But mostly Mor.

In acomaf, Azriel has the audacity to tell Mor no, that she can’t go to the human lands (chapter 41)

“I fought in the War, you will do well to remember-”

“No,” Azriel said again, refusing to break her stare. His shifting wings rasped against the back of his chair. “The would string you up and make an example of you.”

At the end of acomaf he is still highly protective of Mor

Azriel’s head lifted from where he was sprawled in his own blood, eyes full of rage and pain as he snarled at the king, “Don’t you touch her.”

Mor looked at Azriel - and there was real fear there. Fear - and something else. She didn’t stop moving until she again kneeled beside him and pressed a hand to his wound. Azriel hissed-but covered her bloody fingers with his own.

Then in acowar, of course, he explodes at the High Lord meeting after Eris says that Mor dresses like a slut:

Azriel stopped.

Eris gasped for air as those scarred hands loosened. As Azriel turned his face towards me-

The frozen rage there rooted me to the spot.

But beneath it, I could almost see the image that haunted him: the hand Mor had yanked away, her weeping, distraught face as she had screamed at Rhys.

And now, behind us, Mor was shaking in her chair. Pale and shaking.

And of course in acowar Azriel goes with Feyre to rescue Elain. This ties together all of his issues with Mor and his mother. IMHO, Azriel sees Elain as a second chance. He saves Elain in a way he failed to save Mor, and so he begins to transfer his need to protect and serve onto her.

Azriel’s refusal to let Mor assist in dangerous situations is similar to how he says no, Elain cannot help.

Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

*Note that it’s an “outright sign of temper” - not an outright sign of protectiveness, or caring, or concern, or worry.

If being protective of another character is “mate behavior” or sign of a mating bond, then Azriel and Mor would be mated. There is far more evidence of him being overprotective of her than of Elain. So while we know that mates are protective (naturally!), Azriel’s protective tendencies are coming from something else - a combination of his failures to protect his mother and Mor.

In acofas, what Cassian jokes is Az being a stickler for manners in forcing everyone to wait for Elain, Rhys explains as being related to Azriel’s mother - not Elain or Cassian.

Rhys took a bite, gesturing with his knife for me to eat. Let’s just say it hit a little close to home. At my beat of confusion, he added, There are some scars when it comes to how his mother was treated. Many scars.

Again, it seems all well and good that Az was thinking about being polite, but Rhys tells us that it’s because of Azriel’s mommy issues! Which are understandable and important, but a clear example of Azriel trying to make up for poor treatment in one woman by overreacting around another.

In the acosf POV, when Az questions why he wasn’t mated with Elain (and he can smell bonds so wouldn’t he smell his own?) it’s not so much about Elain as the fact that he feels he did everything right this time. He saved the damsel. He was of service. Elain is safe and healthy and she seems much more amenable than Mor ever has. So what did he do wrong? This is the source of his anger, combined with his loneliness and desire for a shiny lovely mating bond of his own.

When we think about Azriel’s motivations, it comes down to service and self-worth. He sees his main value or purpose as saving others from harm, and when he was barely into adulthood he failed in that duty for the two most important women in his life. Hence his need to overcompensate around Mor, and now Elain.

#anon #acotar #acosf #morrigan #elain #azriel #antielriel #anti e*riel

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akitokihojo · 4 years ago

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Okay so typically if I want to back off or take a break, I do so silently. I’m a fairly reserved and private person, and don’t share much about my personal life online on ANY platform I use. With that being said, I feel being open about this is a little on the important side as it brings attention to the necessity of respected and protected privacy. I will be taking a small break for I don’t know how long, and it is because someone has violated mine.

I do not have my tumblr or fanfiction sites linked on any of my personal social media’s (I.e. Facebook or Instagram). Likewise, I do not have my personal social media’s listed on my Twitter, this blog, or my main blog @kyonkeechi. If you’re looking for me in any manner, you’d have to do an active search. And, apparently someone did. It was someone I went to high school with (ten years ago), someone I’d never once spoken to, someone who followed my insta but I did not follow in return, but nevertheless, someone who had no business looking into me this way. He went through years worth of posts on my main blog and mass liked a number of old pictures of mine that I could have sworn I’d deleted. They were posted in 2015. Then proceeded to flirtatiously message me on this blog, seemingly embarrassed afterward that he’d dm’d me when he actually meant to message me on anon.

If I had received that on anon, I would have been a little creeped out, let’s be real. The message seems innocent, and I was ready to disregard it, but it’s the action behind it all that gets me. When I’d asked how he’d found my blog(s), he said “no clue.” Then, after further questioning, he’d said he was on Twitter and my tumblr came up - not my Twitter - and it led him straight here. Which doesn’t make sense. I went through any mentions of this alias on Twitter, and they were just that; nothing but mentions of me and certain stories I’ve written. There were no direct links back to this blog. And on top of that, no specific way to know it’s me. Fuck, my own Twitter isn’t even set up with a link back to this blog.

All-in-all, he lied, got caught in that lie, tried to lie his way out of that lie, and I’ve blocked him on everything I can find him on. If he didn’t lie, things may be a bit different, but it only served to make matters worse. Unfortunately, I can’t find him on Twitter and that’s a little worrisome at the moment, but whatever.

Look guys, I’ve had shit like this happen to me before, worse even, and I take it pretty seriously. It’s important to remember to mind your business and respect that of others. If you have to go searching without that person’s knowledge, maybe you shouldn’t. Point blank, maybe you shouldn’t.

This was a safezone to me, and I feel violated in a sense where it’s temporarily been taken away. I feel hyper aware of everything I’m posting and I’m stuck hoping he doesn’t create a side blog to look for me on. If you do, Travis, go fuck yourself. I’m sure your fiancé would love to hear all about this.

Additionally, if I didn’t risk losing this blog, I would delete my main and its history in its entirety. But, I can’t. I’m hardly on that blog to begin with; it holds very little value. I’ve gone through the archive of my main and made sure to delete all the old pictures of me. I’ll be back when I’m ready, guys.

Love you.

#ang speaks

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watchathon · 4 years ago

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Avatar: The Last Airbender, Series Finale: Sozin’s Comet

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watchathon, a blog where I’m hoping to watch an episode of a TV show every weekday, with a short blog post where I write down my thoughts as I watch. Each new thought starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so. Now that the introductions are over with, it’s time to break that one-episode-a-day rule and finish off Avatar: The Last Airbender with the climactic grand finale, Sozin’s Comet:

PART 1: THE PHOENIX KING

- Okay, so, Katara in the intro is still saying “He has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone.” I could’ve sworn they removed that part by this point... Maybe that was just something for the DVD?

- I like that the “Previously on” segment is so long. It really emphasizes how much buildup there was to this. How much the Gaang has been through to get here.

- I gotta say, I was not expecting a beach party in this episode.

- Somehow, for reasons I can’t explain because I don’t understand them myself, this ambush from Zuko made the audio of Nicolas Cage saying “Surprise attack!” in Into the Spider-Verse play in my head.

- Zuko’s really lucky that he earned Katara’s forgiveness before this violent pop quiz, seeing as just a half season ago... “You take one step backwards... one slip up... give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang - and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends right then and there. Permanently.”

- It never occurred to me that we didn’t get details on the war meeting before now.

- I’d bet hearing about this plan is the thing that tipped the scales and fully convinced Zuko to join the Gaang, and prevent the genocide of the Earth Kingdom.

- It’s so nice to see Zuko being welcomed into the group hugs. Especially when it’s Katara who invites him.

- I like that Zuko is teaching Aang to redirect lightning, the same way Iroh taught him.

- Even before it’s made explicit, you can tell that Aang’s uneasy about the idea of killing.

- Toph is just delighting in her role as Melon Lord, isn’t she?

- Someone out there has definitely written an AU fanfic where someone gets killed during this training and it’s Toph’s origin story as the malicious Melon Lord. If not, then I will write it myself, and it shall be the crackiest crack fic that ever cracked.

- Y’know what, I wish Toph could’ve actually gone on a life-changing field trip with Zuko too! Everyone else got one...

- This scene of Sokka climbing into Appa’s mouth is even more uncomfortable once you’ve... well, once you’ve grown up and... Okay, I tried to put it subtly, but I just can’t: Once you’ve been cursed with the knowledge of what vore is.

- Well, there’s a bait-and-switch if I’ve ever seen one: “Azula, you’re the new Fire Lord!” “=)” “But I am now the Phoenix King and still your superior who you will answer to.” “=O”

- Nice to see June and her Shirshu make a comeback.

- Does this mean Aang wasn’t running away on purpose? I honestly thought he was just going to that island to get some alone time, maybe meditate or contact the previous Avatars’ spirits.

PART 2: THE OLD MASTERS

- I’m not sure if this is something I forgot from June’s first appearance, or if it’s actually just never been brought up before, but I didn’t know her Shirshu had a name.

- It’s sweet that Zuko is seeking out Iroh’s help. Even if the method of finding him is, ah, well... unorthodox.

- Even Avatar Roku doesn’t know where Aang is. And here I thought it was some Avatar thing that had never been brought up before.

- It’s nice to see these people make a comeback. Bumi, Piandao, even Jeong Jeong and Master Pakku are here for the finale.

- I am surprised that we didn’t get an interaction between Toph and Bumi, though. The man Aang wanted to teach him Earthbending, the girl who ended up doing it... But I guess there’s only so much time, and I don’t think there’s any scenes that could be deleted to make room for it.

- It seems like Aang is just searching for confirmation of his beliefs, rather than actually seeking wisdom.

- I like that we get to see Bumi taking full advantage of the eclipse to take back Omashu from the Fire Nation, instead of just being told about it.

- It’s nice to see so many past Avatars beyond just Roku and Kyoshi, Avatars that we never heard of before, but now we hear their stories. But all of these past Avatars echo the same sentiment that Aang should kill Ozai, even an Air Nomad Avatar.

- What can I say about this scene of Zuko and Iroh reuniting? Forgive me for echoing a post I made on my main blog, but this is a scene that’s both sweet and sad.

Sad, because Zuko’s abuse at the hands of Fire Lord Ozai left him anxiously expecting furious punishment for crimes much less than what he did to Iroh. He can’t even comprehend the idea that Iroh would forgive him. His expression while apologizing to Iroh clearly shows he’s expecting the worst.

Sweet, because Iroh still loves Zuko like his own son, and doesn’t even need to forgive him because he never felt anger at Zuko’s betrayal: Only sadness and a worry that Zuko had lost his way, truly lost his honor. And Iroh is so clearly happy to see that Zuko has found his destiny, and joined the fight against the Fire Nation.

I could go on and on about this scene... It’s my absolute favorite scene in the whole series and it brings me to tears every single time I see it.

Gosh... it’s gonna be so awkward going back to the jokes and little mundane thoughts after this, isn’t it?

- Okay, I have officially given up on the idea of finding out what the heck this island is.

- I like the smile on Katara’s face, when she’s asked to team up with Zuko and fight Azula.

- It’s nice to know that Iroh will get the opportunity to run that tea shop, even if Zuko won’t be there to work with him.

- Okay, okay, so the island was actually a lion turtle. Frankly, I’ve still got a lot of questions. Even some new ones.

- It’s nice to see that the Netlix subtitles aren’t ALLCAPS anymore.

PART 3: INTO THE INFERNO

- Gotta hand it to the music, it can make even a scene of Azula making a fuss over a non-pitted cherry rather unnerving.

- Azula’s... Azula-ness has gone straight up to eleven with her newfound role. Hasn’t it? What with all the banishments, even banishing the entire Dai Li.

- Sokka, Suki and Toph are the real dream team.

- And we get a great final blind joke!

- I like that we get to see everyone doing their part in this final battle. All the members of the Gaang, even the White Lotus, get their moments to shine.

- The hallucination of Ursa shows that Azula, on some level, has an idea of what’s wrong with her. You can tell that they were thinking of a redemption arc for Azula come Book 4, though I am glad that didn’t happen.

- It’s chilling to see Ozai razing the forests of the Earth Kingdom like it’s nothing. And then to realize that this is what Aang will have to face.

- At first I wasn’t sure what Sokka’s plan was, but now that I see it in action, it’s really creative.

- I like the idea of a final one-on-one Zuko vs Azula duel(...a). It’s been a rivalry since Book 2, and it’s nice to finally see it get settled, even if I can’t imagine it’ll end up that easy: Otherwise, what would Katara do?

- It’s so cool to see Aang showing his prowess in all bending techniques, using them all in this final showdown.

- The background music during Zuko and Azula’s Agni Kai really sells it. It makes it sound almost tragic, and it is: two siblings pitted against each other, no choice but to fight to determine the future of the world.

- Azula might be slipping, but she’s still Azula, all too willing to cheat in what’s supposed to be a one-on-one duel.

PART 4: AVATAR AANG

- Netflix isn’t showing the intro for the individual parts, but I’ve gotta say... There’s no way that Katara’s still saying Aang’s “got a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone.” Right?

- I like that we get to see one last use of Metalbending from Toph in the finale.

- Dang, I hope this isn’t really the end for Sokka’s sword, or his boomerang. Especially when the sword was so cool, and one could say meaningful.

- I honestly wasn’t sure the Avatar State would ever be a factor again. But if there was ever a time, this is it. (ADDENDUM: This is probably the best time to clarify that I find and add the images at the start after writing the rest of the post.)

- And it’s so epic to see Aang bending all four elements at once.

- I like that Iroh got to burn down the Fire Nation flag.

- Since Zuko’s down for the count, I guess this means a battle between Katara and Azula, the latter powered up by Sozin’s Comet.

- To be honest, I could barely make out what Azula just said. “kjsdbksrbfkjvf family position to look after, kdcbkfh”?

- Katara may not be stronger than Sozin’s Comet-powered Azula, but she’s much more clever than Azula is right now as she loses her marbles.

- This is just the perfect kind of defeat for Azula. There’s no grace to it, no dignity, just writhing around, screaming and spewing fire as Zuko and Katara look on with pity.

- There’s probably a great practical reason someone could find for Spiritbending being a thing, but here’s why I’m glad it exists: Aang gets a happy ending. He gets to take down the Fire Lord, and hold true to his beliefs. If it weren’t for Spiritbending, if Aang killed Ozai, then he would be conflicted to the end.

And I don’t want that. I want Aang to get an unambiguously, undoubtedly happy ending, where the world is saved and that’s all there is to it.

Plus, Spiritbending is quite the spectacle.

- I’m guessing Sokka’s space sword and boomerang really are done for. But hey, there’s always headcanon. Maybe Sokka searched the forest and eventually found them.

- Weird to think that Ty Lee’s gonna be a Kyoshi Warrior.

- Again, I can’t believe Zukaang’s not the most popular Zuko ship in the fandom. Not a ship I’ll go to bat for, but it’s got all the hallmarks of a fan-preferred couple.

- It’s so nice to see Zuko’s coronation, and the official end to the war. It’s a happy ending for the whole world, the start of an era of peace.

- “Love and peace,” huh...? Now that’s funny to hear in the finale to this show, considering the next show I’m covering, come 2021...

- I like that we get to see one last confrontation between Zuko and Ozai. Even if Zuko’s question of where Ursa is doesn’t go anywhere (in the show, I know they touch on that in the comics), it’s nice to see the newly-crowned Fire Lord Zuko having evolved past a need for Ozai’s attention, or a fear of Ozai’s wrath.

- It’s nice to see the whole Gaang having fun at Iroh’s tea shop, in the end. And I stand corrected, this is where we get the final blind joke.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I’m lucky in that most of my childhood cartoons hold up as an adult. I watched Kim Possible, Phineas and Ferb, Code Lyoko, Courage the Cowardly Dog...

Still, there’s something special about Avatar: The Last Airbender. It had a unique aesthetic and world that no other show was quite like. It had a story that was like nothing I’d ever seen as a kid.

And it doesn’t just hold up, it’s even better.

When I was a kid, it was as simple as rooting for the good guys to win, and for the Firebenders to lose, except for Zuko once he turned good.

Now, as an adult (but mostly as someone with a DVD player/Netflix account so I’m not just watching whatever reruns I can catch) I can appreciate the character development, the arcs, the entire story.

I can appreciate how Aang grew from a little boy who does indeed have a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone, into a hero who could save the world.

I can appreciate how Zuko was an abuse victim who did what all abused children wish they could do and left his abuser.

I can appreciate... Gosh, Iroh’s entire character and dynamic with Zuko.

Some people say that Avatar “starts off as a kids show, then turns serious”, but I’d disagree. Avatar is a show where our heroes change, where they learn lessons, where they come of age and become the kind of heroes who can end a war that’s been going on for over a century.

As relieved as I am to be (mostly) done with these posts for the rest of the year, I am still oh-so-glad that I’ve rewatched Avatar yet again, and I know that I will be whenever I rewatch it in the future.

Now, with all that said... Farewell! Until the Christmas special, at least...

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themerriweathermage · 4 years ago

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Author Interview

I was tagged by @sleepswithvillains . I’ve never been tagged much before so this is kind of new for me, but I love it! Tag me all the time! Also you did it again, where I got the Tumblr notification like right as I went to bed, but my sleep schedule is so wack right now.

Tagging: @guardianofrivendell @moriamithril @sunflower1000 and really whoever wants to do it. Drop me a tag if you decide to do it because I definitely want to see what you have to say!

I have a lot of unfinished fics and not a lot of published works in comparison.

1. Name: The Merriweather Mage (Tumblr)/ RinzlersGhost (AO3)

2. Fandoms: LOTR/The Hobbit, The Witcher (TV), SWTOR/Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Twilight, Underworld (though I’m not active in most of them unless I’m hyper-fixating)

3. Where you post: AO3, Tumblr, and I have an inactive FF.NET account

4. Most popular oneshot: People seem to have a real affinity for Meleth-nin/My Love. I actually hated writing it, because I was in such a bad place after receiving news that my childhood dog had died, but I don’t hate the fic itself.

5. Most popular multichapter: Every Kitten Has Claws which is a Geralt X Druid Fem!Reader. 25 Kudos, 3 bookmarks, 517 hits. Followed by Turuhalme in the Greenwood which is Thranduil X Fem!Reader. 9 Kudos, 1 bookmark, 270 hits. Both contain 18+ Content.

6. Actual worst part of writing: I legitimately hate writing fight scenes. I’m horrible at them and most of my fics contain some sort of fight scene obnoxiously enough. Although the best advice I ever saw on here was to keep your fight scenes short because not very many people are interested in a long drawn out detailed fight scene.

7. Favorite story you wrote: Bards & Beans Coffee Co. Elrond X Fem!Reader. Was the first time I’d ever written anything in the second person. I based it off of a dream I had about meeting Elrond in a coffee shop. I planned it, wrote it, and posted it in the span of four days. It’s basically as if Middle Earth exists on the other side of meridian locks, and it’s set during the War of the Ring but with some of the characters from the Hobbit so the timelines are pretty pushed together. Your side of the meridian locks has a Earth that is basically a continuous strip of land that varies from high-tech futuristic ports all the way down to medieval ports. Basically the farther North you go, the more high tech and futuristic the land becomes. Quite a shock for those who would have never been to the other side of the locks. 18+ Content.

8. Story you were nervous to post: Most likely all of them. Any of my Twilight work though, I always hesitate about publishing. Sometimes it’s because the stories are close to my heart, but I also know that the fandom can be rabid. Most of the interactions I’ve ever had with Twilight blogs are fine, but there’s a lot of discourse about Twilight right now, and while I appreciate that most people are in the right (the issue with the Quileute tribe, the Cullen’s as villains, Jasper and the Confederacy, the actual legitimacy of the Volturi as a ruling body, etc), this is actually one of the reasons I left the fandom from a writing/following POV. (There are many, many things that are wrong with Twilight and not from a literature point of view. For example, Meyers took a real life Native American tribe and treated them highly unfairly in the books, to the point of calling them dogs which isn’t very fair at all, and they have received no compensation for being used and they are risk in the place they live in now. If you have some time and money, I would recommend checking out the Quileute Move to Higher Ground project.)

9. How you choose your titles: For story titles, I like to choose the main theme or a main phrase that is used. For chapter titles, I either don’t title or I will chose something that is a main part of the chapter.

10. Complete works: Out of the 21 works I have on AO3, 18 of them are completed, although one is an open ended and may be reopened after I get some of the larger works out of my way. As for fics in general that I haven’t published or have published on other platforms, there is 2 of 5 complete works on FF.NET. Some of those stories I will be pulling and deleting. The two complete works will be migrating to AO3.

11. Incomplete works: Actively: Sadril-nin/My Loyal One, A Hunter’s Circlet, and Beauty in Brokenness (unpublished for now). I have a few other inactive LOTR/The Hobbit based fics that I might try to finish after the main two are finished. Inactive: Literally too many to count. I mean, when I wrote my goodbye to the Twilight fandom, I said that I had been writing for the fandom for nearly nine years. I have so many unfinished Twilight fics, well over 100.

12. Do you outline: Not usually. I’m at the point with Sadril-nin right now where I’m literally following a map of Middle Earth and cataloguing the journey across the map, so I guess that could be considered an outline. Mostly if I’m writing for LOTR/The Hobbit, I want to follow the timeline of progression for the story that’s already been written. I do have a little bit of leeway in that gap between The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings though.

13. Coming soon ideas, maybe? I’ve been giving you a taste of Beauty in Brokenness. I do intend to publish it, but it’s a constant struggle to rework it. I have ideas that I want to cement in the story that don’t always come out the way I want them to, so I am consistently reworking parts of it all the time. I will also be rewriting (eventually) Crown of Thorns, which is Pirates of the Caribbean fanfic, Lord Beckett X Siren!OFC. I also appreciate the idea of Nestadion X Centaur Fem!Reader, but instead of being a centaur all the time, you’re actually a shifter who can turn into a centaur. Really confuses a warrior elf to see what amounts to a small human carrying this massive two handed sword around and calling him “princess” all the time.

14. Ask me anything: Is there anything you miss in fanfic? In comparison to the actual book/movie? Not really. I appreciate the original works, but I recognize that they can be flawed and so can their authors/writers. Which is why fanfic is so appealing-- everyone has a different spin on the original; everyone has a different take on the characters, everyone writes differently, and that’s the fascinating part to me. The only downside, of course with any fanfic, is the fandom and it can be hit or miss with people. It is what it is, and the liberty of fanfic is that not everyone is going to like or enjoy your works, and the same goes for your tastes. Are there right or wrong opinions? I don’t know; I’ve both read and written some morally ambiguous fics, and some I would like to forget that I very much haven’t.

15. Best writing traits: Same as the worst writing traits. I’m a sucker for detail. I love it. I want my readers to see it like I do. When I read books or play D&D or play video games, I see it like I’m in a movie. When I write, I want you to see it like you’re on set and the cameras are rolling and you are perfectly prepared. I want you to feel like you are in the story, which is why my oneshots turn into series, and my multi-chapter fics turn into novel length stories. I find it obnoxious at times, because I feel like I can’t ever turn it off, but by the feedback I get, some of y’all really enjoy it, so let’s get this show on the road.

16. Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: Uhhhh, let me go browse my WIP folder. I’ve put quite a bit of research into rewriting Crown of Thorns and making it slightly more historically accurate. I know that there will be a Part 2 to Sadril-nin, because I’m not going to time skip a seventy/eighty year gap between the timelines of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. And I really don’t want to submit y’all to this absolutely massive story all jam-packed into one fic. Other than that, I’m also sitting on Through Hellfire and High Waters, which is another Elrond X Reader fic that follows the premise of a modern/medieval world all smashed into one. The Queen of Eryn Galen also needs a proper ending and to be published, a Thranduil X OFC fic; this one will also have a Part 2.

17. Spicy Tangential Opinion: I don’t care if my writing makes the characters out of character. I try to tag that if I can, but let’s be real here. Either I’m writing a character that originally has a limited backstory and a very real chance at an open-ended future, or I didn’t like the canon character and I’m rejecting that reality and replacing it with my own. Does it mean that I don’t or am refusing to recognize character flaws? No, and that’s the beauty of fanfic. You can do whatever you want. You might get hate for it or you might not. For example, I am a fan of Severus Snape (RIP Alan Rickman). Does his character have flaws? Yes. Do I like the way he was canonically written? No. Are his actions justifiable? Hell no. Is that going to stop me from being a fan? Again, no. He is arguably one of the most disagreed upon character of that series. I don’t see a need to defend why I write him the way I do. I don’t see a need to defend him in discourse, and I’m certainly not going to be hateful about it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about it. Yes, there was probably some underlying intent when the character was written. I’m not here (unless you’re specifically asking my opinion on it) I’m not here to read in between the lines with characters like Snape. I do not care enough to lose friends over opinions like that.

#long post #i am so sorry #get to know the author

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devourer--of--books · 4 years ago

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I’m mad about Hunter being written off and here’s why you should be too

You: wasted potential.

Me, an intellectual: ah, Hunter and Nicola’s friendship

I have strong opinions about Hunter.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Look, I have strong opinions about many, many, things. Today, we are taking a dive on Hunter and Nicola. First I’d like to blame this post on Kate, as I decided to make it after I tried to articulate why Hunter being written off TCY makes me so angry in a huge comment under her latest OTK post but it ended up being too big and messy so I deleted it. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone elaborate on it, so if you were also mad about this, bro, not to be intense, but like, are we soulmates or...??

Before anything else, as I usually do with my text posts (which I haven’t done in a while, opsies), I shall provide you with arguably unnecessary context. Sit down, grab yourself some snacks, make yourself at home, I’m about to rant you into oblivion.

Since I know many accounts weren’t around back then, I’ll also give you the socio-political vibes of the time period, as any self-respecting half-baked essay written last minute should.

POV, you’re 14/15 year-old me. You flat iron your hair, you don’t use sunscreen, you think you’re straight and your school makes you wear those horrid low rise uniform pants, but at least you can somewhat do your make-up decently now that you grew out of your emo phase.

The year was 2016. The Ever Never Handbook has just come out. You re-watch the handbook trailer on youtube for the fifteenth time. Everyone is losing their minds over OcTObeR 14tH and “a student named Agatha ~ now Agatha of Camelot~”, as well as the portraits and the teasing for a new SGE book. Quests For Glory is announced just a few days later. 2016 tagatha ship week happens a few months down the line.

This is the SGE Tumblr Fandom Peak.

Now, let’s start right there, two-ish weeks after the release of the Handbook, right as the QFG announcement comes out.

We all knew Soman wasn’t done with SGE after TLEA. He definitely had been teasing something in his weekly blogs (lol, remember when I used to check the blog, what a time to be alive) and once we got the ENH, we got quite lot of info to theorize. Here’s some that I can think off the top of my head:

- The coven was going on a mission to find a new School Master.

- Tedros and Agatha were struggling financially in Camelot but were going to get married soon (even if Sophie doubted Tedros would have asked Agatha yet, as of the time of the Ever Never RoundTable, but we’re taking that with a grain of salt, because she was written to sound jealous here, and I won’t acknowledge that kinda of bs, she is happy for her friends okay, we’ve been though this-)

- Sophie had completely remodeled the School For Evil and was getting on Dovey and the rest of the faculty’s nerves (except for newly hired history teacher, Hort).

- The rest of the supporting cast had just graduated third year and was to be off in quests soon.

- The School was now accepting applications, and two of those applicants are Nicola and Bogden.

Now, I’m not even gonna bring up how it was mentioned in a video in EverNeverTv that Bogden would be an important character in TCY, and yet, I can’t think of anything relevant about him other than the fact that he knew tarot apparently, or how his application had more personality than him in the entire series, or how he was basically there so we could look at him and Willam and be like “oh, representation”, or how he’d be a good insight on how Galvadon perceives Sophie and Agatha post-TLEA, or- I’m just not gonna.

Oh, no. Instead, we are here to discuss Nicola’s application.

If your memory is foggy, let me remind you:

Nicola’s application is submitted, according to the Handbook, by her friend, Hunter. For convenience sake, we’ll assume Hunter is a guy (I’ll tell you why Hunter being a guy works better for me in a bit), but his gender is not mentioned anywhere in the ENH. I don’t think he has been gendered in any version (correct me if I’m wrong) or if there are any pronouns for him during TCY, but I’m fairly confident he isn’t mentioned at all.

Hunter tells us he is applying on Nic’s behalf, as she’d never apply for herself. He mentions that she is more or less the Galvadon equivalent of an activist for women’s rights, founding a rugby unisex team and campaigning for pants instead of skirts for the local school uniform, as well as having a feminist sounding book as her favorite book. It’s heavily implied that she is a jock, as he lists that, if marooned on a desert island, Nicola would want to have a soccer ball, a hockey stick and a set of dumbbells (“and none of this 5-lb nonsense”) with her.

Upon asked why Nicola should go to the school, his answer is: “because there’s a greater place for her in the world, where she can learn a girl’s true worth, and I don’t think it’s here.”

Then you have a note from (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) the very late, long, long gone, absolutely dead, August Sader, telling the Deans to accept her application, despite having no reason to do so, as Nicola was to “play a crucial role in it’s [the school’s] survival.” Dovey and Sophie agree to flip a coin to decide which school will take her, which Sophie must have lost, as Nicola is accepted into the School For Evil.

By now, I think we all agree that Nicola was done dirty. If you check my QFG re-read you’ll notice that I complained about her there. As I had to go though her introduction chapter again to make this post, let me tell you why: Nicola wasn’t written to be likeable.

She simply wasn’t. That’s the one conclusion I can draw. Whether that’s intentional or not, I can’t tell, but the backlash she received was fairly useful, as it meant Soman could write her off the main story without much backlash from his target audience (aka, not us, pesky pretentious older readers).

The Nicola I was introduced to, not only in the Handbook but on her trailer for QFG was not the girl on QFG.

Nic is there to be the smart girl™, and while I do appreciate having a character who is a bit cocky about their brains, it just doesn’t work well there. Because her bond to other characters and the way she earns their respect feels so weak, she just comes across as pretentious. Characters like Hester and Agatha, who are supposed to be smart, feel dumbed down to show us how clever Nicola is. Agatha is supposed to be the resourceful thinker and Hester wanted to be class captain, you bet she studied like crazy, she probs knows every fairytale in existence.

Then you add that to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Nicola and Hort fiasco and Nic feels like a weirdly written OC insert.

Handbook!Nicola sounded like a smart jock kind of character (read, more Gryffindor than Ravenclaw). Handbook!Nic was a Reader who read the tales as a hobby, but her favorite book is not a tale, it’s a non-fiction book (as far as I can tell). She might not be the fairytale expert, but she sounds like a practical thinker, as sport requires strategy, which is not Hester’s strong suit, given she is rather impulsive, or Agatha’s, given she is often unwilling to make hard decisions due to her Good nature and her own insecurities. C’mon, Handbook!Nic would have taken one look at Hort and sent him running to hills, because she would be able to smell his bs three miles away. She’s no one’s replacement, least of all Sophie’s (whom she probably would not have gotten along with (at least they got this part right) given Sophie’s “my prince will sweep me away from an ordinary life” phylosophy). To be honest she doesn’t sound like she’d be interested in dating at all.

But this post is about Hunter right? Let me remind you, Hunter is not mentioned in Nicola’s introduction, when she talks about her life in Galvadon. Canon!Nicola tells us that she has two brothers who want to inherit her father’s pub in order to sell the place, but Nicola is close with her father and likes working there to some extent, even if she has bigger ambitions. She believes her brothers sent her application as a way to get rid of her.

Back when I still had some faith that Soman had an arc for Nicola that included resolution, I had my theories as to why she wouldn’t mention Hunter: maybe he was to appear in later books and they’d have a huge backstory explaining their friendship, as well as a dramatic confession that Hunter sent her application because he felt Nicola deserved to live an adventure, and Nicola would either realize that she was meant for something more or that she wanted to live a quiet life, honestly either would be nice. I would have taken anything. Truly, if Nicola’s k-pop boyfriend in the OTK epilogue had been replaced with Hunter, I might be able to hate it less.

Especially if they came to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) school wedding as friends. Because you know what?

We are starved for male-female friendships in the SGE universe.

Tedros’s only female friends (all his friends in general) are Agatha’s friends (who all tried to get rid of him at some point, save for maybe Dot) and his actual friends are all dead (Bettina/Chaddick). Hort could be counted as Agatha’s friend, if only he didn’t bash her every five seconds like a moron (he literally pitched the idea that Agatha should be executed by Tedros in OTK, just because he was envious or her relationship with Sophie (not jealous, envious, because Sophie wasn’t his to begin with)) over his delusional sense entitlement of Sophie’s affections (which I hate, but as this is not a Hort-bashing post, I won’t get too much into), but the coven, Beatrix, Renna and co. would not touch him with a stick. Merlin’s friendship with Lady Of The Lake is gone, and Dovey is dead. Rhian and Kei both had that frenemies thing with Sophie in ACOT/beggining of OTK, but I think it was supposed to be romantic? It wasn’t ew (I hate Rhian but he’s also wasted potential, and so was Kei, whom I liked, rest in peace). Japeth hates women for??? Whatever. Willam and Bodgen are such background characters I could not care less about them. The new students weren’t memorable enough for me to remember their names. I think this about covers the main male cast.

There’s a lack of male friendships too, but we kinda have (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Tort and whatever was that rushed Tedros/Chaddick friendship. Rhian and Kei were gay friends (yeah, right, sure, very platonic). Tedros and Rhian could have been friends if Rhian redeemed himself, but otherwise no. Tedros and Filip… gay. Japeth literally killed Rhian, so also not very good friendship between brothers. Hort has no friends, because Ravan would so not be here for his bs. Willam and Bogden are a couple and (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) so were Aric and Japeth, I guess.

Still don’t believe Hunter was wasted potential? Okay, let me tell you what my ideal Nicola arc would be, mixing Handbook!Nicola with some canon!Nicola and including Hunter.

- Nicola is the one inheriting the pub (once she gets married), despite Galvadon’s pre-TLEA sexism and conservative views, because she is her father’s only child and her brothers are actually her older half-siblings from her mother’s previous marriage.

- Her mom died at some point early in her childhood. Not a childbirth tho, because Callis, local witch gynecologist (have you checked my post on this yet? no? you should) was there for her, even if it was a high risk pregnancy because the mom was already older.

- Because of that, Nicola’s father actually sells bread to Callis for cheaper prizes, but don’t tell the elders, shhh

- Anyway, because her mom was gone so early, Nicola was raised by her dad, brothers and by the employees (mostly men, as I don’t think it was all that common for women to work jobs in Galvadon) of her father’s pub. Due to being a girl, most guys weren’t willing to befriend her (sexism, am I right), but because she was a tomboy she had difficulty bonding with the other girls at school, even when they weren’t outright hostile (cof cof Sophie).

- Example: she and Belle had a tentative bond over their love of cooking, but often ran out of things to talk about and the conversation fell flat.

- Which is how she ends up befriending Hunter.

- Hunter is the only boy in a family of many girls and his father works all day. He has a good heart and is rather emotional, but he always feels like he has something to prove, which leads him to being rather impulsive. Both Nicola and Hunter love sports and are very competitive people. Once Nicola gains his respect, he feels very protective of her and often feels the need to stand up for her, even if she doesn’t need it.

- Nicola knows Hunter feels overlooked in his family, so she is always inviting him over and taking care of him, keeping him out of trouble. Her father begins to see him as his own son, and soon he spends more time at Nicola’s house than at his own.

- Everyone thinks they’ll get married some day. His sisters tease him mercilessly about it, and so does Nic’s father, but frankly, Nic and Hunter see each other as family.

- You can bet Hunter is the one teaching Nic about periods after asking his sisters, so she wouldn’t have to suffer with Galvadon’s horrid Sex Ed. (go check the Callis headcanon’s okay, give me clout, that it my favorite post I’ve ever made)

- They tried to kiss once. Nicola vomited and Hunter gaged.

- Hunter is Nicola’s number one supporter and fan, 100% had those gender-equality pins she made for her campaigns all over his bags and jackets.

- Since most wedding matches are arranged by the elders before girls even graduate, it was settled that Nic and Hunter would get married to each other and then inherit the pub. It would of course, be a secretly platonic match and they would suspiciously have no children (Nicola even had a plan to visit Callis to get a potion for infertility, just in case the elders wanted to check on her... okay, I’ll stop).

- Hunter doesn’t tell her, but Nicola knows he wants to marry for love and have a family of his own. She tries to talk him out of marrying her, but he insists that he would be doing it out of love for her, even if not romantic, because Nic didn’t deserve to be matched up with some stranger she barely knows who would no doubt be less tolerant of her more radical views.

- She tells him it’d be fine for him to have a affairs then, but he insists he would never do that to her, because people would talk about Nic if that was the case and her reputation would be ruined.

- The night of Sophie and Agatha kidnapping Nicola tells him she would rather be taken to the School than to stay there and make him live an unhappy life.

- Hunter is horrified (remember, everyone thought going to the school was a fate worse than death) and makes her promise to never treat her life so fickly.

- Sophie and Agatha get taken, come back, but during Tedros’ reign of terror in Galvadon, right before they return to the Woods, Nicola’s father grows very very sick.

- Nic thinks he’s going to die, and she frets, not only because they’re close but also because she can’t inherit the place if she doesn’t marry Hunter. But, well, she sort of always knew, but now that feels very real, she thought she had some more time before that.

- They set a date for the wedding, but thankfully, Tedros and Agatha’s escape ends up causing the ceremony to be delayed.

- By the time the new date is set, there’s no more elders and Stefan is now mayor.

- But just because he is the mayor doesn’t mean the law and the sexism is gone overnight.

- Nic’s father is getting somewhat better, but she is still very worried about him, because of his old age.

- Once SGE starts having applications and has been proved to be, well, somewhat safe, Hunter suggests that Nicola applies, but after the scare that she might lose her father sooner rather than later, she tells him she can’t bring herself to leave him.

- Hunter doesn’t want her to throw her life away, specially now knowing that in the Endless Woods there were people like her and that progress would get there before it ever got to Galvadon

- (He also wants to not marry someone he views as a sister, pls).

- So he files her application in secret.

- Nicola gets accepted, upon Sader’s request and Sophie’s bad luck, into the School For Evil. She and Sophie still don’t get along, the Evil castle rejects her and she gets pushed to Good, becoming an Ever, but she’s only staying until Christmas, because she is worried sick about her father.

- She thinks the application was a plot from her brothers because she doesnt think Hunter would ever betray her trust like that, after she specifically told him she wouldn't go.

- There’s no Hicola, instead, she and Hort become friends and she talks him out of his delusions with Sophie, because as much as Nicola dislikes her, Sophie was a girl too, and deserved to have her feelings respected.

- She also punches Hort into giving up his envy of Tedros and Agatha while at it, because she is just that efficient.

- Everything else up to OTK can be pretty much the same because I can’t remember what happens, other than everytime Nicola is smart girl™, it’s not “because she reads”, but because she is practical.

- Example: on the boat scene where she very pretentiously sasses Agatha for not saying hello to her (canon!Nicola, girl, she just suffered six months of loneliness at Camelot because Tedros shut her out and is now on a quest to save her happy ending, probs didn’t get much sleep, maybe cut her some slack) and then tells her how to sail a boat (despite the fact that there are no boats in Galvadon and I’m sure you can’t just read Peter Pan and learn to sail a boat, unless I did it wrong or something, maybe the storian version comes with a crash course). Here, instead, Nicola presses Hort (who is a pirate’s son) to remember literally anything to help them (therefore making him not completely useless on this quest), and he does and they tell Agatha and she’s like sure and does it.

- Now, in OTK, I literally can’t remember where Nicola was for most of it and I read that book not too long ago, so I’m worried.

- Okay, so, have the Knights Of Eleven actually serve some purpose, include a scene where Tedros and Nicola stress-play rugby and get her some internal conflict.

- Nic now loves this world. She just spent the last few weeks fighting to protect it. She is now a Knight, and she loves the adventures and the new friends she made. Can she really go back to Gavaldon to take care of a pub? Well, she needs to, doesn’t she? That’s what a good daughter would do.

- After Japeth’s execution, Nic goes straight home.

- Her father’s condition is stable, as he is being treated by Hunter and his new wife.

- Oh boy, Hunter has some explaining to do.

- Nicola is furious that he broke her trust, but at the same time, she’s happy he’s happy and well, Hunter what do you have to say for yourself?

- “Damn, Nic, nice armour- ouch, my arm!”

- Apparently, since Nicola was taken, Stefan approved a law for people to be able to leave their inheritance to whomever they wanted. And since Nic was gonna be at the Woods, her father was more than happy to leave it to Hunter. Of course, unless Nicola wanted to stay at Gavaldon.

- Does she? She’s not sure.

- Hunter and Nicola attend the tagatha wedding at Camelot (what, like I wasn’t gonna fix this part?), Hunter is Nic’s plus one.

- There, Hester, Anadil and Dot show her Sader’s note, and ask her, not to become School Master, but to become Dean Of Good, because she would be perfect for the new brand of Good to match Sophie’s Evil. You know, since she is all for gender-equality, good manners, practicality and was particularly good at dealing with Sophie’s bs.

- Since Tedros has the Storian Ring, the pen doesn’t need actual protection, well, not more than it can get from Nic and Sophie.

- Sophie herself insists that Nicola accept the position, not because she doesn’t want to be alone at the school now that Hort and Dovey are dead, no, of course not, since when did Sophie ever need anyone, she was just asking cause… cause Nicola looked lonely. The pretty boy who came with her was not her boyfriend, was he? Sophie was prettier than him anyway. Who needs a boy when they can have her?

- Whether they become a couple or not, I’ll let you decide.

- Bonus: years later, Hunter’s eldest daughter is accepted at the School for Good. Nicola is her godmother, and her favoritism shows.

There, if nothing else, the reason you should be mad about Hunter and the Handbook in general is because this didn’t happen.

#school for good and evil #The School for Good and Evil #nicola of woods beyond #Sophie of Woods Beyond #Hunter of Woods Beyond

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goaheadncrylilgirl · 4 years ago

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I know all I do is complain about my friends and it makes it seem like I should get new friends but like

I love my friends. I do, so much. It's just frustrating cuz it feels like they don't love me back. At least not enough

I feel like the problem is that I love them. Because I can be so mad at them and not wanna text them and just want to ignore them and leave them on read without caring the way they do me

But the second they send me something and I view it, I feel so bad leaving them on read because I know how horrible it makes me feel. I almost wanna post this on my main blog but I honestly just don't want any drama. I want to tell them how I feel but I don't want any drama

Idk I think I have abandonment issues. Can you have abandonment issues if you've never actually legitimately been abandoned? As in like, your parents have never left you or a s/o? Idk I feel like a good friend, like honestly I think I'm a really good friend. But I keep losing friends and I can't imagine that it's because of them, because I always feel like the common denominator. Maybe I have main characters syndrome or something idk

My friends will reassure me when I talk about the people who have left, because we were all in the same friend group and technically they ditched out on my other friends too. But it just feels really personal to me because I feel like I throw so much of myself into my friendships

I upset one of my friends today cuz I told her people were talking about her at work, and when she sent back a salty response mine was kinda nonchalant because I'm pissed at her for ditching me. Pretty sure the thing that my coworkers were talking about happened the day that she picked up the shift she wasn't supposed to have (mind you, we all made plans 4 days in advance to her picking up this shift, and I was the only one who stuck to them while everyone else decided to pick up a shift at work). So maybe I hurt her feelings because my response was "damn who hurt you", because she made other plans when we already had them and then never apologized, and hasn't texted me since. So yeah, I wasn't exactly super lovey-dovey comforting. Honestly, shit is kinda karma, cuz the thing wouldn't have happened if you just...hadn't picked up the shift? But anyways, she seems mad or annoyed with me idk because I told her they were talking about her. I asked her if she was okay, and she said she was fine she just didn't wanna know they were talking about her. Maybe I'm over thinking, but I don't think so. Either way I asked her if she was pissed at me then I deleted the message cuz

I don't want to fucking care of she's pissed at me. I'm pissed at her. Why can't I be pissed at people without caring about their fucking feelings. Nobody cares about my feelings. She didn't care about how I'd be anxious when she didn't open my message for 3 hours. Why do I give a shit about these people when they can't do the bare minimum of sticking to a plan for me? I hate it here, I really hate it here. I hate that I care. I hate that I love them. I hate everything.

I wish I could be a bitch who didn't give a fuck about anybody but instead I'm fucking killing myself with my feelings because oh no what if my friends get their feelings hurt because I'm ignoring them because they hurt me

Like WHAT THE FUCK

Why can't I be my own priority

#idk #ranting #friends #idk how to tag this #idk if I should tag this #I really want to post this on my main but #I just don't want the drama #I should talk to them #I'm afraid theyll hate me #I'm gonna talk to them #sigh

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secret-engima · 5 years ago

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So, first of all - I adore the newest snippet about Pretty Song. Cid is just a Regret™ isn't he? Losing it a little because a child running in the dark with demons. And Cindy meeting a tonberry🤣 i imagine he feels a little vindicated when Cor and Regis roll in to Hammerhead and bring up the story about Pretty Song. Secondly - Nox-Taur is back! YAY! This au is really awesome! ❤️ And, finally, the main reason for seeking you out here... The post about Star Wars. I started reading it and a sneaking suspicion started building in my mind a couple of sentences in. I was thinking, is it Kat? Did Another fall victim to her awesome wordsmithing? I legit burst out with laughter when you confirmed it. She can be found at blackkatmagic.tumblr.com - the other one, blackkatmagick was used when her original blog has been deleted by tumblr PTB and it's currently inactive. (Chesk it out, there is some exclusive stuff in there, like teasing snippets, pics from various fandoms, convos with Kat about the characters, etc) And if you like SiH and her writing I'd like to rec you the rest of the SW stories that came out from under her hands. Welcome in the rare pair hell, we've got Kat😜

Me: Oh Cid is ABSOLUTELY a regret. He wants to snatch her up and roll her blankets and give her food but he CAN’T.

He does feel kinda vindicated, but also sad because that’s Cor’s KID and he couldn’t rescue her earlier.

NoxTaur never really went away tbh, it just went into dormancy for a while. XDD

Yes, yes it is cat and I probably need to go follow her new (old? restored?) blog cause I followed the last one and enjoyed it immensely for the most part and-yeah. I’ve been lurking on the edges of rare pair hell, but now I’m fully invested and screaming.

I’ve read a lot of her SW stories! Not all of them, cause some just aren’t to my taste, but the one’s I’ve read I like a lot.

#SE asks #IgnisFelicis asks #Secret Engima Rambles #star wars #blackkatmagic

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j10kkuno · 4 years ago

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I normally only think of this at the worst times, but I’m finally making it. Please please please feel free to send me asks! Favorite game moments, talking about our streamers, laughing over their antics, streamer appreciation, group dynamics, all that fun stuff. Some guidelines/ideas on what to send me(I address shipping down there, it's something I've been avoiding for a while).

But I'd love more asks. I'm only a side blog so I can't reply to replies on my posts(The very few I get) but I love the notes and replies I get and I would love to interact with people more.

-I’m a writer, so if you want to give me a situation to think about, I’m completely cool with that. I used to post about the amigops on my main and someone sent me an ask about what do you think about the amigops camping situation which I never got to so I am sorry anon but stuff like that is cool. Also, like lore. I’ve read a couple Corpse/Sykkuno Rust verse stories and I feel like the lore of those stories and the post apotolyptic(How do you spell that?) setting and how the teams form and the clan wars and allies in a “real world” setting would be super interesting to think about so feel free to ask about that. I’m just a writing nerd. Sue me.

-I do want to keep things non-shippy just because it makes the streamers uncomfortable and I don’t want to cause drama. I have no issues shipping Corpse and Sykkuno or any other pairing quietly as long as you know that they're just friends in real life. I think the keyword is quietly and offline(as in keep it to private chats/google docs/I maybe kept one Corpse/Sykkuno fic on AO3 after I deleted everything since they aren’t on AO3 and it was also pandemic related and I got the feeling from a lot of reviewers that people used it for a much needed cry, which is valid). I won’t condemn anyone, because I spent years reading BTS fanfic and there’s a great number of authors I respect who ship real people. They’re amazing writers, awesome people, and they know the difference between fiction and reality. Like, coming into the streamer fandom and seeing people act like people who shipped Corpse and Sykkuno couldn’t keep it just fiction was laughable. There’s a line there, and it never even blurred for me with Corpse and Sykkuno. That line is so large for me with BTS that I forget that one side exists relative to the other. They’re just... completely separate. That's just my honest take on shipping and I've been dancing around it and also scared to make Corpse and Sykkuno related posts because of drama. Just please respect streamers and keep shipping offline as much as possible. Also, if you really wanna talk shipping, my DMs are open and lowkey I'd probably be happy to have someone to talk with.

-Please keep drama to a minimum. I follow a lot of Sykktwt accounts so I'm able to follow drama from that end and that's more than enough drama. To be honest, I try to keep my feeds as drama free as possible. I'll make posts when I think is necessary(AKA my On Ash post) and if something major happens, feel free to send an ask.

-If you want more of something, please feel free to tell me. Want more OTV and friends Twitter recaps? Want more rounds written out like I did a couple days ago? I can't promise how often I'll do them but I'll try. Want shorter posts? Absolutely not, lol.

-Otherwise, just be polite. I really only did guidelines when I addressed the shipping thing which may not make sense but it kinda makes sense(Also I'm not a fan of character or creator/reader things) here and I've been treating it like a taboo when it feels good to say this is where I've come from and this is where I stand. And if I lose followers... Okay. It's not something I'll ever post about other than maybe calling Corpse and Ash cute, but that's mostly friendship. I just think Corpse is sweet on Ash and it's the most adorable thing but I don't think there's actual romantic feelings there. Other than the established couples, I don't think there's any romantic feelings between anyone simply because it's not our place to speculate.

And yeah, that's it. Just be respectful to everyone and have fun! This is a fun blog and I want to keep it that way!

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gintamajustaway · 4 years ago

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Are there any other popular fandoms like JoJo and AOT that you did not get into? Me personally, it was AOT and FMAB. AOT was justing meh to me, and while I enjoyed FMAB, I did not stay in the fandom for too long. I get flak from my friends for not being into such classics, but I personally do not care for them, and I feel like it should be fine to not like the same things as your friends.

LOOOOOOL oh my god yes, probably most of them and the timing on this ask is actually great because I just had a discussion about this kind of stuff with a great friend of mine the other day. Not specifically about popular anime/manga necessarily, but just how incredibly fucked up fandom culture and fandom mindset is anymore. The whole thing is fascinating and honestly just wild to me because I’ve never been able to relate to it. Like, just reading this and if you look it up on this blog, I’ve talked about Fullmetal Alchemist (both Brotherhood and the 2003). It’s one of my favorites of all time. It’s the only anime I’ve bothered to buy all the manga for and have the complete collection because I just loved it that much. Having someone come into my ask box and say they didn’t care for it, I feel absolutely nothing. Because there’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t matter to me at all?? Everyone is different, everyone will like different things and have differing opinions, so I don’t understand why so many people have taken on this really fucked up fandom mentality that they need to attack someone or make a big scene about things that don’t matter.

I can obviously only speak for myself about any of this and using my own experiences here, but just like when I was having that discussion with my close friend recently, we both noticed that the best and longest relationships we’ve had with people online are with people that aren’t super invested in fandom. We enjoy anime and movies, but I swear the absolute best and most down to earth people that I’ve grown attached to and consider important to my life are the people that are chill and relaxed and none of them have ever or would ever attack someone online over something stupid like anime or fictional characters. I’m going to throw this example out there because it fits really well with this topic: Not too long ago, this random chick I never knew existed made this big long callout post about me and put it in the main Gintama tag. In this post, she called me all kinds of things -- arrogant, selfish, narcissistic, and a bunch of other buzzwords.

Why? Because I’d deleted my fanfiction over two years ago and she wanted to publicly let me know I’m a horrible person for doing so. And then, in the same post amongst all these nasty things, she begs me to repost all my fanfiction. So, this is a piece of that ‘fandom mentality,’ but then you also have to add in the fact that she’d posted in a public Gintama discord group her intention to make this callout post and they all agreed that they should and encouraged her to do it. These people that I’d never met and that know absolutely nothing about me were saying things like, “Yeah you can tell a lot about a person when they delete their fanfiction.” And one of the people involved in wanting this callout post to happen was someone I’d spoken to before, had only been extremely nice and inclusive to, and on top of that she was still following me. I don’t know if it was to keep tabs on me or what, but the whole thing is just wild to me and I’m endlessly fascinated by this whole fandom culture mentality because I don’t understand it. If you don’t like me, that’s totally fine, I won’t hold that against you as it’s not a big deal to me. I’m confident and strong enough as a person to be able to withstand if some random stranger doesn’t like me, but if you don’t like me then lol why are you following me?

But what’s so fascinating about this callout culture is that these people legitimately think that ganging up on people they disagree with is good and they’re doing the world some kind of service by treating people like shit. Whereas for me, sitting where I’m at as the one that had been attacked, I’m so glad I was never part of anything like that. Calling people out over something as stupid as fanfiction? God, I can’t imagine. Some of my favorite artists had deleted their work due to reposting and do I miss it? Of course! I loved their talent and creativity, but more than anything, I respect their decision to look after themselves. It’s wild to me that some people don’t possess this really simple concept and get so involved in getting things for free and consuming all they can that they completely lose sight of reality. I could seriously go on and on about this subject because I’m being completely honest when I say it’s incredibly interesting to me. What’s also kind of hilarious about it is that the groups that go around attacking people rarely stick together. There was this phenomenal post on twitter that a friend sent me. Here’s the link to it, I highly suggest giving it a read and reading the comments too because the whole thing hits the nail on the head.

Anyway, all of this rambling has a point and that point is this: maybe you need better friends. I’m absolutely not saying they’re bad people or that there are good things about them that you enjoy because I’m definitely sure there are! But if they’re genuinely making you feel bad over something as stupid as “you don’t like this anime,” then find people in a better mental place to hang out with. I am not kidding when I say my best online friends that I’ve had for literal years and talk to every single day through discord or texting, they are extremely well adjusted and enjoy anime/writing/drawing casually. From experience I’ve found that the people super obsessed with anime, feel entitled to free stuff from writers/artists, talk trash about people in cliques, stalk people -- these are the ones you want to avoid at all costs because they may be your “friends” but if you do anything they consider to be “wrong,” their next target is going to be super easy because it’s going to be you.

#anon #long post #not Gintama #small shout out here:#if any of my followers feel like they're trapped or stuck #or don't fit in because they can't relate to fandom mentality #hit me up #send me a message #I'm always down to chat #(just may take me a hot second to respond since I only get on here like once or twice a week)#you can always ask for my discord #I'm on there everyday #peace out

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hereisisa · 5 years ago

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(1/?) I'm neutral to EA tbh, I like it sometimes but this isn't my OTP. I really like your blog, though. And what I want to say is - I used to ship KA after F1, but they totally ruined them for me as a couple in shorts and then in F2 (and so did they with the sisters' relation :(). As for F2, I totally agree with what you said about personality transplant the main trio went through. But put this aside, I have another thought - I feel so sorry for Anna after F2. First, she became the queen, and

(2/?) she's never asked for it, it's not her world. She didn't even want to go on that adventure in the first place. She also "lost" her sister (true love) and best friend. And now let's consider for a moment that all these 'personality transplants' are true, and that we count the deleted scenes and shorts: so she's always wanted but 1 thing, to be with her sister. In OFA Elsa promised her they'll always be together (in the song), and she'd done the same before, at the end of F1, in FF and even (3/?) at the beginning of F2, blah blah. And now she totally, utterly betrayed Anna's trust (the ice boat), never apologized AND then went to live in the forest for God knows what fucking reason, and didn't even attend Anna's coronation (and made Anna a queen because she didn't want to do it anymore, not even asking for her opinion) nor replied for her letter. What a stinker. Then the parents - after the boat scene it seems everything has always been Elsa-centric and Anna couldn't even have her (4/?) time to mourn. Then Kristoff in the Nokk scene. She was engaged to him, she decided to trust him after what happened with Hans, and he betrayed her trust, too. All he did for these 3 years (including FF and OFA) was a lie, he didn't mean it and didn't want it at all. Plus it seems their relationship has been pointless all along, because they can't even communicate well. I know Anna treated him badly in F2, but well, it clearly shows Elsa is her true love and she can't focus on anyone else (5/?) at the moment... but they (KA) clearly weren't meant for each other anyway. And what I want to say, they ruined Anna's character, they took literally everything for her to five her this stupid powerful song and 'happy ending' she's never asked for. I mean, sure, she's dreamed of romance in F1, but in F2 it's none of her priorities, and definitely that's not the kind of relation ship I'd expect they'd make for her after watching F1. I don't like TNRT because I think it would be better to (6/?) give Anna NATURAL circumstances to prove her worth, independence and strenght, instead of forcing some stupid stuff. And I don't like the fact KA relation is promoted as healthy... I don't think of it as unhealthy... it's just nonexistent. And stupid. And I totally agree that the sisters' relationship IS unhealthy - but only after how F2 pictured it! So, to sum up, she was my favourite character and I hate everything that's happened to her (as I hate it also with E and K, but well,(7/7) that's not the point of this message), she doesn't even look like her anymore, since the charades. And I hope that you won't delete this message, I didn't mean to promote KA, just wanted to share how I feel about this movie. And I truly like EA. I can't talk about it to any other part of fandom, though, for ppl who ship KA think it's a perfect ending. Sorry for such a long message! I hope the stupidity of F2 creators are the only thing that bothers you on these hard days. Stay safe!

I really like your post, I’m sorry if it took me 2 days to reply but I wanted to be at pc and not by phone.First of all....let me say that this: “ she's always wanted but 1 thing, to be with her sister “ is essentially who Anna is. She spent her whole life wanting one thing: to spend time with her sister and prove her she’s worth it.

And how are they gonna do that? Apart. Playing it off like “she’s a grown up, she can do stuff by herself”, when she ALWAYS DID EVERYTHING BY HERSELF!!!!

It doesn’t make sense even from a psychological pov. She always feared to lose this person, she always wanted to be with this person, now she loses it. The LAST thing one would do is say “oh ok well I’ll be fine on my own!”

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. I don’t know who they paid to tell them it does (trauma experts LOL), but they wasted their money.

The mistake they did with Anna and that, IMO, widened the popularity gap between Elsa and Anna in Frozen 2, was to give her a storyline so unpopular and not relatable for KIDS.

Kids don’t want to know how they’ll feel when their sister will die, IT’S SO FUCKING WEIRD.

Kids want to see a badass princess with a sword, who fights for her kingdom!! And yet in Frozen 2 they took the one who had powers and who could fight, and turned her into an hippie who does nothing at all in a forest, and the hero, the princess who could be fucking cool, is now a bad copy of what her sister was.

Being Queen, after losing her sister, surviving another trauma, having such a not relatable storyline for a kid.....it’s not a victory.

The only ones who think it’s cool are KA fans for obvious reasons, but they should’t be so happy since he was proved “not good enough” to stand by her side.

I do not agree with you on the sisters relationship being unhealthy and I said many times that was NOT Disney’s intent. Because to paint a sisterly relationship as unhealthy wouldn’t be appropriate for a kids movi and they would NEVER do it, (can you imagine the MONEY THEY’LL LOSE???? Why would they do that? Paint as negative something that makes them sell more than everything else on the market???? It’s crazy!!) and because the weird vibe you got about the relationship comes from the rewriters.For exemple Elsa ignores Anna a bit too much, but it’s because she was supposed to be succubus of a voice and being careless in her search for it.She was supposed to die, and the audience would have said “oh yeah, she even ignored the poor Anna to follow that siren, and she got herself killed”. It was supposed to be painted as a negative thing.But this is just an exemple of one rewrite, many other details, I’m sure, made you come to your conclusion, but I know they’re all results of last minute rewritings, so I have to ignore them.

It’s pretty much the same arguments over and over again, codependency, unhealthy relationship, and I’m tired to debunk them so I’ll just go on with my reply. :)

I agree that Anna doesn’t look like Anna anymore. She was reckless, impulsive, free-spirited and adventurous.

(now this makes me laugh at this point):

Anyway, they had to give her a personality transplant (simply “growing up” doesn’t do that) to achieve an end they desperately wanted, who knows why.

Jenn and friends wanted to give her the “Disney happy ending”, a kingdom and a dude, and they had to destroy what Frozen was, in order to achieve it. A story about 2 sisters, who always wanted to be together. A story about family, where a single (queer coded) Queen was ruling and is now replaced by the same old boring hetero couple (while the weirdo with powers was sent elsewhere, who cares where).

How can people trust someone who wanted Elsa as a villain, and wanted her dead, I will never understand it.

I’m not surprised they ruined Anna too, considering what they did to Elsa.

#Frozen 2 #BringElsaHome #Elsa #Anna #elsanna #anti-kristanna #anti-kristoff #notmyfrozen

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moonduskt · 4 years ago

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BOOK READING REFLECTIONS OF 2020

This year, in 2020, amongst my other goals, I made it as a personal resolution to read twelve books. There are two main reasons for this: first, I want to make reading books my hobby again. For sure, when I was just a kid, pre-high school me, I was an avid reader. I could read everything so long as it was not a non-fiction book. But as the years passed right by me, I began to lose passion to read any book, physical book that I needed to flip page by page and spent hours sitting down. When I came to my senses, I found myself unable to read a simple novel in one sitting or pulling an all-nighter like I used to. It took me weeks or months to finish a novel. That is why I want to make it my hobby again, not necessarily I have to finish a book in one day or something, so long as I read books again, that is okay with me.

Second, and maybe some people wouldn’t agree with this reason--I already had my junior shaded me in his blog after I told him why I want to start reading again. I want to read because I want to know a lot of things. I want to gain knowledge, I want to educate myself on the matter that I am taking interest in yet never took participation to find out about it. I am realizing that there are so many things outside there that I don’t know and in my negligence, I can’t answer every question anyone asks me. This second reason made me decide to start reading non-fiction books.

Still, not motivational books. I still hate those. Next.

So, I have a goal to read twelve books this year. Any books so long as I am interested in it. It’s the first year I’m doing this, so I don’t really put a high stake on myself, and I did it with a light heart. I think the pandemic sorta kinda helped me in this too, since all my plans halted for a few months and I did nothing at my home other than sleeping and eating.

By December, I read twenty-two books! HELL YEAH!

Almost half of them were Rick Riordan Presents’ books, and I read two of Angela Davis’ books as the chosen non-fiction books. The rest of them were novels. Maybe I should put them all on the list in here, but I’m too lazy to do it so yeaah…

Choosing my favorite book amongst so many is hard. There were so many good books I’ve read this year! They were all memorable too. Between Akwaeke Emezi’s “Pet” or Sylvia Plath’s “Bell Jar”, or even Carloz Hernandez’ “Sal & Gabi” series! I love them all, so, so, so much.

My least favorite book, surprisingly, is easy to pick. It is one of Rick Riordan Presents’ book, “Race to the Sun” by Rebecca Roanhorse. The book is not bad at all, it is good! It’s just, there are some things that made me push it back a little bit. The main thing that I wish from this book was that Rebecca Roanhorse could've expanded the universe a little bit more.

There were some unfinished books that I put on hold, and I hope I can finish them all in 2021, since it feels like a pity not to finish them. There are “The Song of Achilles” that I’m almost half of the book in, just like “Little Women” and “The Death of Vivek Oji”. There is one book in Bahasa Indonesia that I have yet to finish since 2019, “Bilangan Fu.” So many unfinished titles… I need to work harder in finishing those.

I am excited to read new books to come too. I’m still planning to read twelve books in 2021, there’s no change in the targeted numbers of books I must read. To make a habit I need to start small, and I’d rather see books I’m reading exceed the target rather than less, so I’ll think I’ll be alright again next year.

Dear God, I hope I can reach twenty-two books again in 2021. I am planning to read “Moby Dick” and “One Hundred Years of Solitude” next year, and those two books are so thick. Plus, I want to read more non-fiction books too.

I don’t have specific titles to read on non-fiction books, I just know that I want to read more about gender and sexuality. Those two topics are the one I’m currently very curious about, and I feel like it’s so important for me now. Well, I actually do pocketing two or three books on my phone to read, but let’s see if I can finish them all in one year. I wish I could find exciting non-fiction books around those themes, too.

About this blog? Pheww…

The first time I decided to make this blog about book and music reviews, I got big plans and hopes for this. As I always did for all of my blogs. I was so excited, and I churned two and a half book reviews in the span of weeks. (Two posted reviews and the half I deleted when I am writing this).

But then I got overwhelmed by my own ideas and imagination about this blog. I felt tired even before I did anything for this blog. Everytime I open my google docs I feel like quitting. Thus, I stopped and bid my time.

Then, real life smacked me just like that on my face. I neglected my undergraduate thesis and my friends (and still neglecting them all ‘till this day), and it is very hard to get back on track. I missed so much deadline I put on myself and I have been trying to reach them all for now. Forget about writing reviews, I can’t even write just a sentence for my thesis.

The last reason. I realized that I’m a one stupid motherfucker out there ever was. Just as I sat down one day, on a nice evening… October air? Yeah, any evening. I stared at the monitor of my laptop and thought: “Well, I can’t actually write a review!” I’m not a professional nor knowledgeable two judge other people’s hard work and delve deep into their work. I'm not technically smart enough to write a review too, since I don’t really know how to write one, what structures do I need to write one? The other thing I’m worried about is my purpose in writing a book review. Why do I want to write one? What will I gain by writing one? I still think about it a lot, and I feel like changing a thing or two if I still want to write a book review that I actually enjoy.

So, what is my plan for this blog, now that it’s gonna be 2021 in a few days?

First thing first, I’m not gonna put any targeted date of posting, nor will I review every book that I read. I will just write about the book I am most excited about without any set date. I think I can’t put too much pressure on myself like that now.

Second, I am not gonna write a review. Or, I’m not gonna call it a review, I’m not gonna stress myself with one. I’ll just call it a book I very like to talk about. I don’t need to fill my head with so many things draped all over me at once, I’ll just talk about the books I like just like how I talk about food I always think about when I’m craving for a warm meal.

Without further ado, I hope 2021 is a kind year for the bibliophile all around the world.

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