#but I am allowed to vent in my blog

[alexjcrowley]

WARNING: GOOD OMENS S2 CRITICAL

(You don't want to hear critiscism? Just skip this post, you don't have to click on read more)

Good Omens 2 really fought the war on amatonormativity on the side of amatonormativity.

By the time I heard of a season 2 I had already understood I could bid adieu to Crowley and Aziraphale having a qpr. I mean, why leave a relationship indefinite and opened to different layers and interpretation, especially for underrepresented communities, when romance sells more?

But hey, if N*il G*iman wants Crowley and Aziraphale to become a romantic couple, he is the author, I am a nobody and he doesn't have to write what appeals to me. I am sad, but I understand.

What I am pissed about is Maggie and Nina. To be honest, I don't even care about them as characters, they're...there. That's all I have to say about them.

But it does make me fume that first Nina goes with her speech on how Crowley and Aziraphale shouldn't have forced her and Maggie together because it was wrong BUT THEN-

Then they obviously say "yes it will take some time but we'll date eventually". It's a justification of what Aziraphale snd Crowley did meddling in their love life. Like yes we are formally going to acknowledge that it was wrong to try and pair us up but, after all, we liked eachothers all along so it's kind of fine.

Because God forbid Nina just wasn't attracted to Maggie. That they didn't end up together in the end, or at least declare they are attracted to eachothers. They're narratively pushed into a relationship, giving Nina a toxic relationship with Lindsay so the audience HAS to wish Nina leaves her to run to Maggie. Because apparently it's not queer representation if it doesn't culminate in a love story. Nina couldn't just not like Maggie. They had to be in love with eachothers just like Crowley and Aziraphale had to and Gabriel and Beelzebub had to.

And after saying you should not meddle with other people love life, what do Maggie and Nina do? Tell Crowley how to live his love life. Because obviously Crowley's relationship with Aziraphale is wrong or incomplete if they're not boyfriends or they didn't profess their love to one another.

As I said before, N*il G*iman wants to make Crowley and Aziraphale into a romantic couple? Be my guest. But the fact that Nina and Maggie not only blatantly contridicted their own speech, but also automatically assumed that Crowley and Aziraphale needed to sort out their relationship because they weren't romantic partners...

I am not saying "G*od O*ens 2 promotes amatonormativity because 90% of the important characters of the season get paired up" (technically, it also happened in the first season with Crowley and Aziraphale having a close relationship any way you to interpret it, Shadwell and Madame Tracy, Anathema and Newt), I am problematizing the how. How is romance treated in this second season is what irks me. Like it's the center of it all, the meaning of life, the most important thing in the world.

God or G*iman forbid you're not in love or in a relationship. G*od O*ens S2 said we support every letter of the LGBQTIA+, except the ones that aren't easily marketable.

I think this is far from the biggest problem of season 2, but as an aromantic this hit on a different level.

G*od O*ens was one the books of my formative years. I saw myself almost completely is Aziraphale, he was a very important character for me. When I realised I was aromantic, I was very happy to think that Aziraphale, one of the characters I loved the most and I cosidered so similar to myself, could be even more like me, since his character was opened to the interpretation of being aromantic (as much a supernatural being can be open to human labels regarding sexual attraction, romantic attraction or gender).

I'll always have the book, but I can't say I didn't miss when the show's approach to love was more "that's something that can happen to you in life and you often find it in the most unexpected places" and less "romance is what makes the world go 'round".

P. S. In case it wasn't clear.

I am NOT against Ineffable Husbands as romantic partners, I think they're very cute. I used to ship them romantically, I am not against their shippers or the concept of Crowlry and Aziraphale as a romantic couple. I just wished we could keep the unlabelled relationship of season 1/the book, that way it could have been open to more than one interpretation.

[stuckinapril]

I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc

[fuckyeah-bears]

you know 99% of the time i get nice, totally reasonable, polite, and frequently kind asks on bearotonin. but every now and then i get some asks that just make me wanna reply snarkily so badly lmao

[circular-bircular]

I agree with a lot of criticisms of the endogenic community, but I've also seen exactly the same stuff in the traumagenic community.

I've seen plenty of traumagenic systems spread misinformation. A good chunk of syscoursers I see on here can't even get the definition of endogenic right. There's also stuff like making blanket statements that "real" systems do that I see almost constantly. Not to mention the entire fact that OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b aren't an actual diagnosis and the source of this is a DID resource that seems reputable.

It also feels like making abusers within the community an "endogenic thing" when it isn't. There are plenty of abusers in this community or people who use abuse tactics that are traumagenic systems. I've never seen any anti-endos call out these systems or abuse and harassment within their own community.

Not to mention how much endogenic systems with later in life trauma experience gatekeeping. Fucking hell I hate that syscourse with constant invalidation is a thing in a community where people DISSOCIATE. Which includes derealization. I literally can't interact with the CDD community half the time despite having OSDD because I will almost always get triggered to dissociate. Then people act all self assured about posting invalidation in the CDD tags because they don't see endogenic systems as people anyway.

These communities don't stop and end at Discord. Tumblr's plural community skews far younger than it does on other websites, hell if you use Reddit there's endogenics who are in their 30s and 40s on there.

I guess it's like yeah the endogenic community is bad on here, but the traumagenic community can be too.

(Honestly I'd also say a lot of endogenic harassment might also boil down to a trauma response. Being constantly told you don't exist weighs heavily down on a person's psyche and it's reasonable to lash out. I feel like whenever I interact at the community I hit my limit so quickly. There's a bit of a level of privilege non-endogenic systems have because they aren't the ones who's literal personhood and existence aren't constantly being questioned. Syscourse is a demeaning, awful experience.)

Okay. I'm finally done grading for the night. Time to tackle this monstrosity.

I agree with a lot of criticisms of the endogenic community, but I've also seen exactly the same stuff in the traumagenic community.

Let me just stop you right there, since I've been simmering over your ask the entire day and I don't feel like mincing words.

I have also criticized the traumagenic community.

In my experiences, I have had far less problems in traumagenic communities than in endogenic communities. To be fair, this is likely because I'm a traumagenic system, and I need spaces for myself.

If what you meant is anti-endo spaces, then I'm sorry to say that I'm not one for conflating CDD systems with being anti-endo. That's an entirely different argument.

I've seen plenty of traumagenic systems spread misinformation. A good chunk of syscoursers I see on here can't even get the definition of endogenic right. There's also stuff like making blanket statements that "real" systems do that I see almost constantly. Not to mention the entire fact that OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b aren't an actual diagnosis and the source of this is a DID resource that seems reputable.

Like I said, already addressed, even in the very post everyone's been so upset about. The post where I said "All sides have issues, but specific sides have specific issues." There are big issues in traumagenic spaces, such as the propensity for trauma bonding, or blanket statements about "real systems." But

I see that from endogenic spaces too, so please be clear if this is a "both sides have this problem" thing (which I said already) or a "traumagenic systems are worse about this" thing (which I disagree with). Also don't even bother being clear, because I don't think I wanna hear from you again due to the end of your ask.

I don't give a fuck about "official diagnosis" stuff in a community of individuals who are trying to survive. I don't care that 1A/1B are not "official diagnosis" stuff, particularly as it used to be used to describe DDNOS, and there are still systems alive today with that diagnosis. Like, have I not made it fucking clear on this blog that I don't care how people identify, as long as it isn't hurting anyone or going against the truth? The DSM is not the end-all-be-all of all things DID. That includes 1A/1B delineations.

It also feels like making abusers within the community an "endogenic thing" when it isn't. There are plenty of abusers in this community or people who use abuse tactics that are traumagenic systems. I've never seen any anti-endos call out these systems or abuse and harassment within their own community.

[Stares in flashbacks to the callout posts for that "self-identified MAP" anti-endo who killed themselves due to the harassment they received from the anti-endo community]

[Stares in flashbacks to the callout posts about SAS for literally every single fucking thing ever, despite not even identifying as anti-endo anymore]

[Stares in the shit I've kept to myself as a victim of people because my trauma is hard to overcome, and that shit stays in therapy]

[Stares in "I fucking call-out anti-endos on a regular basis, where the fuck have you been, it's just that the majority I see nowadays are blockable trolls who aren't worth the goddamn time, and as I ALREADY FUCKING SAID, I AM CALLING OUT THE BEHAVIOR OVER THE PEOPLE AT THIS POINT.]

Anyways.

Not to mention how much endogenic systems with later in life trauma experience gatekeeping. Fucking hell I hate that syscourse with constant invalidation is a thing in a community where people DISSOCIATE. Which includes derealization. I literally can't interact with the CDD community half the time despite having OSDD because I will almost always get triggered to dissociate. Then people act all self assured about posting invalidation in the CDD tags because they don't see endogenic systems as people anyway.

:exhausted:

I agree with this, anon. I really do. I'm so fucking tired of the lack of ability of anyone to find space or resources or what have you. But none of this was included in my criticisms, and wasn't the point I was making. If I want to make that point -- if I have the TIME to make that point, ffs -- then I will, because I was literally just talking about this with a friend today in DMs, about how it's bullshit how much is barred from pro-endo CDD systems.

But also.

Your triggers aren't our problems. I also get triggered by the CDD communities. Awww what a shame, it's called I have a fucking dissociative disorder. It's going to happen, and that's a neutral thing. I understand what you're getting at is that the gatekeeping is what's triggering you, but please understand, you're going to be triggered in CDD spaces.

These communities don't stop and end at Discord. Tumblr's plural community skews far younger than it does on other websites, hell if you use Reddit there's endogenics who are in their 30s and 40s on there.

[Stares in "I made this same exact point already"]

I guess it's like yeah the endogenic community is bad on here, but the traumagenic community can be too.

[Stares in "I made this same exact point already"]

And now...

The moment you've all been waiting for.

THIS BITCH?

(Honestly I'd also say a lot of endogenic harassment might also boil down to a trauma response. Being constantly told you don't exist weighs heavily down on a person's psyche and it's reasonable to lash out. I feel like whenever I interact at the community I hit my limit so quickly. There's a bit of a level of privilege non-endogenic systems have because they aren't the ones who's literal personhood and existence aren't constantly being questioned. Syscourse is a demeaning, awful experience.)

Let's dismantle this one, shall we?

Claim 1: Endogenic systems are harassing people because of trauma responses.

My opinion: Sure, why not? I think a lot of people harass others due to trauma responses. This does not excuse them or make them okay, and I will still continue to speak out against that shit. Being traumatized doesn't make you suddenly get a pass on being an asshole. But you say that it's reasonable to lash out? I don't think it is. I don't think I'm even being reasonable right now, because even though I have sat on this ask for... Lord only knows how many hours at this point, this came in while I was still grading my second period... Even despite that, I am still boiling at the entitlement. Because of your second claim.

Claim 2: Non-endogenic systems are privileged because they are "more recognized."

My opinion: My opinion is, if I ever see you on my blog again, I will be deleting everything I can see from you. Any asks, any comments, anything that seems to indicate it's you, anon, will be immediately deleted.

Let's rephrase this. DID systems are lucky they're traumatized. DID systems are lucky to be visibly struggling. DID systems are lucky because they have a diagnosis in the DSM.

Mind you, that diagnosis has been constantly challenged, and everywhere you look, it's still called a "controversial" diagnosis. Split came out in my lifetime. I grew up learning about Sybil in my psych classes, and I even learned how it was all fake and made up, and how MPD was made up because of Sybil. I had to force myself after weeks of agonizing, with the help of my partner, to try emailing a therapist for the help I so desperately needed, and braced myself entirely to be told that my literal actual life experience, my disorder, did not exist.

UwU Oh but don't worry, I definitely know I'm privileged. Because, you see, I do have a diagnosis! Which... lets me... get the life-saving therapy I need at a cheaper price? Which isn't very different from the endogenic systems I know who have various types of diagnosis for the same reason. Huh.

It's also so bold of you to pop up on my blog and say people don't question the existence of my disorder, when I have been so incredibly vocal about how the existence of my disorder was constantly questioned by pro-endo systems. Not anti-endo systems!!! Pro-endo ones!

Look past the edge of your nose, you sorry excuse for anon hate dressed up in a trench coat, and maybe perceive the forest around you.

[vtmgremlin]

No art atm

Been feelin blue about it : ( idk, unhealthy relationship with myself, I want to create but I am so afraid of producing something that causes a negative reaction to those that follow me only for art (hell even my own friends).

This fear of “being replaced” because someone else can do better than I can or ever will is so visceral, it follows me everywhere I go. It really makes me want to stop doing anything I love because “why even try when someone else can do it faster, cheaper, more skilled, and happier than you can”.

Just…takes the winds outta my sails lol also just…being “old” sucks. Idk burn this all the to ground let’s be cave men again LOL

I hope whoever reads this has a much better day than I have, been stewing in my own resentment towards myself despite trying to preserver through the horrors and it’s not been a fantastic feeling, so I hope with my little gremlin heart you are doing something else wonderful/possibly just living normally with your time this day.

Hopefully I shall sleep soon and this feeling shall pass. 😔🤙

[oracrys-vent-tent]

um... what did you expect honestly 🙄 people are gonna DIE in this series and that includes characters you like. nobody understands that

.......

i know. what about my blog makes it look like i don't know that....? i just think he had a lot of potential. don't assume im f*cking stupid just because im sad.

god d*mn it. i hate this fandom sometimes.

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[snarlingteeth]

She pushes her lips against mine

Slots herself into my lap

Her weight pushing me down

The air trapped in my lungs

And all I can think is

Why am I doing this?

[zero-braincells-left]

wowie im a horrible person!!!!

[sebastianshaw]

Like I would just like to be able to enjoy my fave the way others do, and share memes and pics and art and chat but even though that’s fine for loads of just-as-problematic X-characters, it’s just not fine for me

what else is new

[musical-chick-13]

UGGGGHHHHHH

[fourfuckinghorsemen]

Five, i'm unsure why you can't hold trust for me or Azriel. i know i haven't been around long, and i made a mistake the day i let Azriel out if the bunker, but I've worked other than then to protect you guys. my goal is for the greater good of specifically Oliver's connections. if something happened to Finn, it would effect Oliver. if anything happened to any of you, it would hurt Finn. Especially if anything happened to you or Azriel.

i'm starting to agree that K should be put on a back burner, because whatever's going on with Madigan seems more a threat to your guy's health. i only wanted to know if Rags was to be trusted there. i didn't mean to put a wedge between you and Azriel.

please, blame me, not Azriel. he wanted to help, and letting him help raises his self idea of trust and self worth.

he loves you and his self worth is based on your connection, think of the bigger picture.

i'll refrain from using him in the future for plans if it helps.

Fuck off.

[probably-not-sherlock]

I'm studying for my final meteorology exam and going through everything from the basics up, and omce again I ask why we choose the Corriolis Parameter to be represented by a lowercase f.

I get why you wouldn't wanna use a little c cus Lightspeed, but like, I'm sure there would have been letters free that maybe, i dunno, ARE IN THE WORD??

[erythristicbones]

amazing how pride month has just started and ive still somehow had to unfollow 3 people rbing the most insanely biphobic shit w/o caring

[sunny-bunny-bird]

I’m gonna be deadass I am so pissed abt the bullshit I just saw.

Schizophrenia is not an excuse!! I’m sorry those fucks were being mean to you. I agree they are being like, genuinely ableist. But as a PROFESSIONAL ECOLOGIST you have a responsibly to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong” not edit a tumblr post (which you admit on this site isn’t effective) and then deflect any blame by focusing on the backlash you’re getting.

And I swear to god before any says “this is tumblr who cares lol” maybe the other schizophrenics like ME who LIVE IN THAT AREA and had to be in your delusional over-reaction with you for a bit while they did the research you AS A PROFESSIONAL, SOMETHING YOU ARE CURRENTLY TALKING ABOUT AS AN EXCUSE FOR WHY YOU WERE SO UPSET could not be assed to do because you saw a twitter post???

you have not plainly apologized and recanted your statement. anything that could be remotely taken as such has been padded in layers and layers of you talking about how bad YOU feel. fuck. off. oh my god.

[hershelwidget]

hey folks if i just casually dropped 30 frames worth of storyboards for the webseries right now do you think it would count towards my “get shit done before june 4th” mark or do i have to actually work on the storyboard some more, finish the anticipation edits, work on the Anniversary All NPCS Image, the slideshow, the songs, the anniversary rp/party, the extra content that includes the side server, the costume designs, the animation tests, the training sessions so that people can and actually WILL host the rp other than me, and/or the written version of the beta crew’s demise on ao3 that isn’t past chapter 1 yet.