#but I always felt like his character had so much potential in Sam’s story

[sing-me-under]

[paigegonerogue]

Ficlet where Ellie gets a fever/mild cold while still on the road to Lincoln or Pittsburgh? There's just so much time skipped in that whole period before jackson where endless bonding moments and potential for learning to trust can exist

Sorry this took a hot second! Thank you so much for the request!

Anyone can send me asks for specific TLOU story ideas and I’ll write a bit for them! So anyone reading this—feel free to send me requests!

(1.1k words. Mentioned character death.)

(Also I know you said before Pittsburg but I did right after because it worked a bit better for this story)

They were nearly a week out from Kansas City when Ellie’s cough started to worry Joel. It had started small, just a sound he’d attributed to the dusty tunnels they’d all gone through with Henry and Sam. But it had gotten worse. Small, sharp exhales to guttural roars that racked her tiny frame. 

She’d been quiet since KC, something Joel had been trying and failing to convince himself was because of how raw her throat most likely was.

Eventually they found a small town, a place called ‘Lecompton’, as far as he could tell from the worn, tattered signs scattered around the eerily empty neighborhoods.

It had been one of the places FEDRA tried to clear out before they gave up and started barricading civilians in the QZs, or at least he thought, judging from the tank tracks etched into the concrete, bullet holes in the shabby, cracked plaster of houses, and homes burnt until they were just charred frames.

They barricaded themselves in an old bar, Joel sealing all the windows in an attempt to muffle their sounds to the outside. Ellie’s coughs were loud enough that he felt like everyone in the world could hear, and even if the town seemed relatively safe there was probably a stray infected or two somewhere nearby.

”Hey, Ellie, I’m goin’ out for a second.” He took her shoulder after her latest round of hacking screeches. She looked up at him with a pathetic choke, her eyebrows drawn together. “Try to be quiet.”

She looked up at him, widening her eyes and making an explosion gesture above her head. ‘Woah, really?! I hadn’t thought of that’. 

Joel sighed, a hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Somehow she could still manage to snark him with her voice blown out.

“Yeah yeah, I get it.” He told her. “I’ll be right back.”

He took a seat outside the abandoned bar, letting his head fall back as he stared up at the cloudy sky above him. The cough was making him nervous. A frantic kind of nervousness that could only be cured by getting it to stop. Getting Ellie okay.

He couldn’t trade for medicine. Even if he found another party, people offering something as valuable as medicine almost always had an ulterior motive.

He made a mental note to tell that to Ellie later.

Really all he could do at this point was hope that the cough wasn’t an infection or strep throat. But he was never good at waiting or hoping, and as he stood and prepared to try and find anything useful he could in the small houses surrounding them, he spotted a small pine tree off in the underbrush where the town trailed off twenty feet away.

“Brought you some tea.” He said gruffly, sitting down next to where Ellie was curled in her sleeping bag on the floor. “Need some fuckin’ peace and quiet.” He handed her the tea he’d brewed, still hot in his thermos from the fire he’d snuffed out outside.

Ellie looked down at it, a crease between her eyebrows as she looked back up at him.

“It’s Eastern Red Cedar tea. You make it using the pine and boiling it. Helps with coughs.”

Ellie looked back down at the tea, slowly lifting the cup to her lips and tilting her head back to drink. She made a face, nearly dropping it. 

Joel’s first instinct was to snap at her, but she hadn’t really done anything wrong.

“Yeah, I know it doesn’t taste great,” he told her instead. “But it’ll help.”

Ellie scrunched her lips to the side, nodding once before she reached over towards her backpack, unzipping it and shuffling through the contents.

She pulled out a sketchpad they’d found a few days ago in an abandoned gas station and a blue pen which she shook a few times.

‘U botenist now?’ She wrote in the smallest possible font, trying to save as much room as possible for her surprisingly good drawings.

“First off it’s spelled with an ‘A’, not an ‘E’. Second off… just drink the fuckin’ tea.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, scratching down a quick ‘fine’ before pausing and staring at the letters.

He knew they were both thinking of exactly the same person.

Suddenly the silence didn’t seem so refreshing anymore.

“A couple years after the outbreak this young woman joined our little group of raiders—me and Tommy’s.” He started before he could think better of it. But by the way Ellie lit up he knew it was the right choice. “Drink your damn tea while I’m tellin’ you all this.” He told her, gesturing at his thermos. “So her name was Poppy, which was pretty funny ‘cause she loved plants. Loved ‘em.” He scratched his cheek, considering his words. “She was the caretaker of this garden at her college before the outbreak. Brought the whole thing back from just a couple dead weeds. She was real proud of it.” 

Ellie finally took another sip of her tea.

“Once we’re all headin’ through Kansas and she points out this pine tree. She says ‘that’s an Eastern Red Cedar, it’s good for coughs and bronchitis and joint pain and digestion’. And I really didn’t give a shit, but I go ‘damn, why ain’t we usin’ this all the time?’ And Poppy goes—” he smiled a bit, thinking back to it. “—‘’cause it tastes like if a pinecone could shit’.”

Ellie let out a small laugh, wincing and reaching her hand to her throat. 

“So there’s your story. Now drink.” Ellie grudgingly took another sip, reaching towards her notebook and scribbling something down.

‘What happened to her?’ 

Joel forced himself not to wince.

“We went our separate ways.” He lied. “The group disbanded eventually and we just said our goodbyes.” He could still hear her screams, trapped, rattling around inside his skull, clawing for his eardrums.

He blinked, her decimated corpse flashing behind his eyes.

Ellie looked down, taking another sip.

‘Really?’ She wrote. Joel nodded.

“Yeah. Saw an old ally of mine and they said she’d settled in the Phoenix QZ.” He knew he shouldn’t lie. Shouldn’t come up with tall tales trying to spare Ellie’s already gone innocence, but he didn’t want to see that look in her eyes anymore. The one she got when he knew she was thinking about just another person who died.

“Y’know, I had another ally. His name was Hank, but we all called him ‘Barrel’ because he could handle a rifle best I’ve ever seen.” 

Ellie perked up, looking surprised he kept talking. 

“So one day me and Barrel, we’re out scavenging for food—drink your tea—and we get ambushed. There’s ten raiders on us and we’re dashing like hell to—”

THE END

Remember, send me requests for more! This was super fun to do!

[mzannthropy]

Rewatched Cinderella 1950,and now I'm imagining a Camibilly Cinderella au. Instead of two evil stepsisters, Nicky's an evil stepbrother.

That's the Disney old animated one, right? @jesstasticvoyage omg this reminds of that article last year that suggested Sam for a prince in a potential live action Disney (sometimes you find some good articles on Sam, even when they're not written by me). He did play a prince charming character, William in Snow White and the Huntsman (my beloved. If William has one fan it's me, if he has zero fans, I'm dead), which is a darker take on the fairytale and he's not there as much as he should be, imo, bc, I suspect, they had Chris Hemsworth in his early Thor days so ofc they focused on him (tbf, he is the titular huntsman). Then, and I'm the only person who will tell you this: if you close one eye and squint with the other, Philip in Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides is a near thing to a prince, though he's a priest/missionary. If you just take out his story with the mermaid, it has something in common with the little mermaid tale. (This long introduction serves no purpose other than satisfying my urge to ramble about Sam Claflin, but you enter the blog of a Sam Claflin fan at your own risk). Okay, grab a snack bc I'm really into this idea!

I’ve always liked Cinderella, my mum used to read me a lot of fairytales when I was a child. I’ve not seen the Disney version until I was about 9 (I grew up in communism so we didn’t have Disney, it all arrived after the revolution.) Personally I prefer the 2015 live action one. But the Cinderella film that is really my Cinderella is Three Wishes for Cinderella (1973), a Czech/East German production. It’s considered a Christmas film bc it features a lot of snow and it’s always shown on TV during Christmas time. Norwegians did a remake in 2021 but it didn’t seem to meet with much love. (And rightly so, it’s like remaking Princess Bride. It just should not be done.) A actress named Camila has played a Cinderella—Camila Cabello. There was a lot to like about her version, but I felt it was kinda too self aware and besides, they should have just made it gay. Ever After, otoh, is outstandingly good. (This paragraph serves no purpose other than letting me go on about Cinderella, but you enter a blog of a person who rambles a lot on your own risk.)

I think Cinderella having an evil stepbrother instead of evil stepmother and stepsisters is a good choice, it’s something new. So we imagine Camila in the Cinderella role, all the parents/step-parents dead and Nicky as the stepbrother who lords over the manor and mistreats everyone. Camila can hold her own against Nicky, but she is cautious about setting him off too much bc she is worried he will hurt people she cares about, like all the tenants that live on their grounds. Camila has always been caring towards all of them, when their children got ill, for example, she would go to this herbalist and buy herbs and made them tea, etc. Karen is the steward’s daughter and Camila’s bestie.

Daisy is a young bard who wanders the kingdoms with her lute and sings songs of princesses and knights and dragons and all that kinda stuff. She is very popular wherever she turns up.

Billy is the king, who has just ascended to the throne after the death of his father. He had a strained relationship with his father, bc he used to cheat on his mum, whom Billy was very close to. She has died too and Billy has been a somewhat bitter young man. Teddy Price is the loyal king’s advisor and a better father figure to Billy than his own dad ever was. Rod Reyes is the captain of the guards. Graham is a young knight who lives at the court and is Billy’s bestie. They go riding and hunting together. One day in the woods they meet a young lady rider, who is totally not impressed by Billy, king or no king, she is like, I should think someone in your position should have better manners, YOUR MAJESTY. Billy can’t believe the impertinence but Graham is ROFL-ing at it. The young lady rider is ofc our Camila, but Billy doesn’t know who she is. (Going with the Three Wishes and 2015 versions of Cinderella, also Kate and Anthony of Bridgerton meet cute.)

As with any Cinderella adaptation, a ball is organised where the prince king is to meet his future wife. Billy wants it done and over with, bc he supposes he needs a queen and heirs, but Teddy has a talk with him about how marriage needs to be a mutual respect and understanding, even when it comes to kings, but Billy retorts that it wasn’t like that with his parents. Teddy tells him it doesn’t have to be like that with him.

The young king’s mood is not improved by a conflict with a neighbouring kingdom. Their princess has gone missing, right under the nose of the regent, Eddie. The two kingdoms were always at loggerheads (over a piece of land or resources, pick whatever you like) and it’s only gone worse. There’s even a threat of war, but luckily their foreign affairs minister, Warren, manages to calm the matters down with his amazing diplomacy skills. He and Billy’s kingdom foreign affairs minister, Lisa, find an understanding—in more ways than one, lololol.

Billy meets Camila again in the woods, this time they’re friendlier to each other. She apologises to him for her previous behaviour, bc she really shouldn’t be like that with her king, but he says he deserved it. He asks her who she is but she rides away without telling him. Billy can’t stop thinking about her.

The day of the ball approaches. Nicky won’t hear of Camila going to the ball and locks her in her quarters. This is when the Fairy Godmother Simone enters the scene. You know the drill. Karen is coming to the ball too, bc the palace also has another ballroom for the middle classes, and that’s where Karen goes. Karen’s dad, the steward, is driving them to the palace in a carriage (not pumpkin-shaped, that’s a Disney invention. It’s normal carriage.)

The ball takes place, Camila and Billy meet there so he finally knows who she is and they dance together, yadda yadda. Midnight strikes, but they keep dancing, bc we’re adults here. Also, it turns out Simone is actually the lady who organised the ball, she was friends with the late queen, she just side hustles as a Fairy Godmother. Also that herbalist that Camila has been buying from is her gf Bernie. That’s how Simone knew Camila was good and deserved her help.

Graham takes a peak into the other ballroom, likes it better, dances with Karen and falls for her. Now, you know how much it matters to me that Karen ended up single on DJATS, but I don’t object to her and Graham together in an AU, so here you have it.

Camila explains the situation with Nicky and tells Billy she doesn’t want to abandon her people bc they need her, so she can’t marry him. Billy is determined to sort the situation out. He comes to their manor the next day and has it out with Nicky, who ends up falling head first into a horse manure and everyone sees it and laughs at him. Nicky has no choice but to leave the kingdom in disgrace. The manor then can be managed by the steward and Camila and Billy can get married.

The problems with the neighbouring kingdom don’t just go away, Lisa and Warren only managed a temporary peace. But this, too, gets solved one day when their princess returns. Sure enough, this is Daisy, who has been LARPing as a bard by way of running away from her responsibilities. But seeing king Billy mature in such a way (bc she was in his kingdom just when all of the above was happening) inspired her to get her own shit together. She says sorry to Eddie for tricking him like that, but he is just relieved that she’s home and safe. The two kingdoms sign a treaty and all is well.

Oh and also Rod came with Billy that day Billy went to Camila’s place to confront Nicky and he met Karen’s dad the steward, who is a widower, and they fell in love. Everybody’s coupled up and happy, and isn’t that what fairytales are all about?

Bonus: Actually. Not that anyone asked but. I do have an OC whose faceclaim is Sam and who is a prince. I never found a faceclaim for his love interest, but she is someone who is the type like Camila Morrone. So I just decided it's her. These character have lived in my head for a long time, though I've so far written only one short piece with them which is posted on my writing blog. Link. Maybe this ask is not the place to talk about my OC, but you enter the blog of a writer on your own risk. (Feel free to ignore!)

[koicrimes]

yall, this game is SO good. it had me cryin and shit. had me doubting myself. had me fucked up-- i highly recommend it. truly. best game i've played in a while.

major spoilers below

first game i played since the rgg craze that left a deep impact on me. i think i'll be thinking about this one for a while. i might go back and play from the beginning and make tyler and alyson raise hell with all their choices next time hahaha. gahhh so much fun. all the characters felt so believable!!! ALL OF THEM! and even though i didn't like that michael kept coming onto to tyler even tho i politely brushed him off once before, he still felt human to me as well. sometimes dudes just can't fucking take a hint- no matter how nice and cool they are.

what was so crazy to me was how he was talking about how tyler was 'sooo special' and blah blah blah but just 6 months later this mf already taking photos with someone else with a pet talking about 'the new addition to our family'. like bitch if you want me so bad--????? THAT'S WHY I SAID MICHAEL GAVE ME UHAUL VIBES!!!! eehhhhh- like, no, give a mf some time to know you my guy. shit. idk maybe that's just me. (6 months is a while but im just saying)

but anyways, so.

i loved alyson and tyler's relationship so much. tyler is so fucking 😩😩😩😩🥰🥰🥰🫦🫦🫦. he's so hot. the amount of screenshots i have of that man is abysmal. he and alyson does this thing with their mouth but idk, i feel he does it alot more than she does, where he kinda bares his teeth-- sometimes it's a smile but not always. unff. LOVE! i love minor mouth ticks. i have one and i always notice when other people have one- aizawa has one (he chews at his inner lip). nish seems like he would kinda does the same thing tyler does now that i think about it but anyways im getting side tracked~~~

i loved their relationship! the bond thing was sooooo neat- being able to share memories and inner thoughts. HELLA NEAT! i love that so much.

UGH the writing here was so fucking phenomenal.

all of the townspeople: tessa, tom, sam, eddy-- they all had their parts and they were all believable flawed. the only person who i think i'd consider a villian, really would be tom. because fuck that guy- you cheated on your wife, let her raise your kids on her own, watched her fall apart, watch her get stabbed, allowed her to drown to death, allowed two kids to make decisions about something that fucking major when you saw what happened and then you got the audacity to try to blackmail them for your shitty ass campaign???

i rate his bald score a -8 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾 he doesn't deserve that shiner. for shame.

more importantly, the one thing that i wish that we got to see was the perspective of mary-ann from that night. but i guess that's the beauty of the story. no one will ever truly know what was going through her head. everyone has their speculation but no one knows for certain and they sort of have to live with that in order to survive... ughhhh (i am relieved that ty can live his life potentially at peace believing that his mother would see him as her son- her SON- see him for who he is. i know that had to eat away at him while he was at fireweed.)

11/10

honorable mention for my girl denise, she didn't really have shit to do but she was there and i was happy she was. i was happy to see them braids too. like they kinda ate. ngl. i was like okaaaaaay. it makes me really happy. like someone trully put in effort on them! anyway, her and tyler are best buds now. i call it. it is my headcanon. <3

[luckycheesefoodie321]

Ok so I watched Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (SPOILERS)

I guess this is Michael Bay’s soft retcon of the Transformers franchise since this is meant to be a sequel of sorts to the Bumblebee movie. Which I did really enjoy. This one was like a 7/10 if I put it all together.

The whole arbitrary angry robot alien coming to take over Earth with his equally angry main henchman doing his dirty work is kind of how all the transformers films go in terms of plot lines so that was kind of whatever. You don’t really come to a Transformers movie for the plot anyhow. You hope for some good action sequences and maybe some fun character moments.

I feel like a lot what of the individual characters in RotB had going on was a lot of fun but the character relationships felt a little lacklustre to me.

Like in Bumblebee you could see the connection between Charlie and Bee but that’s always been something Transformers has done well. Bumblebee is a staple and has often been the main Autobot and so we all hold affinity towards him. He’s the robot we can relate to and is our tie in to the story. Optimus isn’t quite that. He’s more a tie in to the world building, the sage mentor-instructor who expositions everything, and also gets to have his badass leader moments and epic speeches.

But regardless there’s always a really strong human-bot relationship, usually between MC and Main Autobot, which previously has almost always been Bee (I confess I have not seen the Mark Wahlberg Transformers movies).

This time it was Noah and Mirage (I see y’all with the shipping tags, I salute you but for right now I’m sitting in a more bros vibe XD). Noah and Mirage and to an extent Noah and his brother, had the most chemistry in the movie. Each of their scenes had fun, had natural banter, and then they brought down that banter to something sweet and heartfelt and I genuinely felt sad when Mirage “died”. Part of that was because we see Noah and his brother’s bond, and Mirage gets to see that bond, and so we kinda see Noah’s brother through Mirage. And we all know we love to see a goofball who has a serious moment. Mirage parroting back the same words Noah always said to his brother just ties in that bond and makes Noah feel that much closer to Mirage. So yeah the “death” scene was sad. It led to a goofy ass moment where they got Mirage to turn into an iron man suit for Noah and I was honestly like wtf is happening.

But I would argue they were the best dynamic in the movie.

They kept trying to have Noah and Optimus be mirrors of each other but it was a lot more showing not telling. They sacrificed a lot of that good storytelling of demonstrating their similarities in favour of big explosions. If they had axed the exposition at the start, and made the Maximals like a big surprise later on that hey we’ve been here all along and now we’ll exposit some info on you, that could’ve given them a lot more leeway to building those mirrors between Noah and Optimus.

Like again you’re not going to a Transformer’s movie for the story, but I will say the first couple of movies did a lot in the way of demonstrating the chemistry between Bee and Sam Witwicky and why Optimus saw potential in Sam and why Mikaela was drawn to Sam.

Like I could see how Optimus’s personality had subtly shifted. He was still wise and delivering banger lines. But he was also tired, frustrated, angry, distrustful and I genuinely found that so interesting given how we’ve known him in the past. They’ve kind of paired down on Optimus’s visual scale. Like he used to be freaking huge, as tall as buildings. Like Sam was like half the height of his head. Which I do miss. They really make you feel the size and majestythat are the Autobots in the earlier movies, specifically Optimus Prime, who is a living legend by all accounts. But if that means we get more depth to his character outside of knowledgeable and understanding old veteran, then I’m all for it.

And again we see a lot of Noah’s home life but they just don’t quite go far enough to make it home how difficult he has it, and leave a lot to be assumed. But you see enough of how it is and how tough he has it. But then he’s suddenly raring to go in saving the world and yeah I guess they tie that in to wanting to keep his family safe but it did feel kinda abrupt. And that’s definitely a scripting issue. Some of the lines and line delivery was very stiff and uncomfortable. I think the cast tried their best but some of the more heartfelt lines or intimate moments felt very monotone. When it was Noah on his own kinda just reacting to the situation, it felt much more natural. But the exchanges between characters didn’t flow as smoothly as they could have.

That said, we got enough of two characters to understand them. But you can’t pit them against each other as being similar to each other without banking on more dynamic interactions between them or demonstrating how they individually mirror each other.

Like I said. The individual characters were enjoyable enough. I liked Optimus’s tired dad vibe. Noah was a decent MC. But there could have been a few different avenues they could have taken in letting Optimus and Noah see eye to eye.

Show Noah not immediately trusting Mirage and the Autobots but slowly building that rapport. He was taken aback by Mirage at first and then immediately made peace with his presence. Show me how that dynamic shifts so that the sad “Mirage dies” moment feels earned. And while you’re doing that show Noah going out of his way to save an Autobot when he could’ve escaped. Show Optimus placing trust in a human BEFORE the trans dimensional space key thing gets stolen. Then they have the big apology moment where Optimus says he should’ve trusted Noah and yadda yadda big team up moment ensues.

Also just a weird side bar. I’m sure they talked like this in the 90s (I’m a 98 baby) but the part where Noah goes “squad up!” Kinda took me outta the immersion for a second. Also it felt so awkwardly placed. Like potentially adlib but idk. At no point had I seen Noah having demonstrated leadership skills or authority where he can just order around the Maximals/Autobots like that. I mean he wasn’t, but there was no gravity to his words. Like if he had said that to me, I wouldn’t immediately jump into formation. Not to mention it was followed up by really poor line delivery where he said something like “there’s gotta be something we can do. Just think” and it had no urgency to it… then in comes Optimus Primal who delivers his line so much better like “it’s too late” and I’m out here like I believe him.

Tbh the action moments were fine. Could be desensitisation to big scale fights bc we’re so over saturated with them now. The whole iron man suit moment was just goofy as hell and when he somehow managed to catch Optimus and stop him from being sucked away?? Like Optimus Prime. The dude as big as skyscrapers?? The dude who was carried by helicopter??? That part was absurd.

Bringing it back to Bumblebee. I think the best thing they did for this story was to take Bumblebee out of it so that a new Autobot could have his time to shine they wanted this to be about Mirage and Optimus interacting with Noah and they got that chance. Now don’t get me wrong. Even if I knew it was a fake out death, Bumblebee dying made me upset and him coming back brought a lot of joy back to the story. Like we love a comeback moment (cue that song XD). The moment could’ve been a touch more devastating to make his come back more powerful. But it was a lot of fun when he did come back and there’s a reason he’s such a compelling character and a staple fave of Transformers.

But had he been there, it would have taken away from what I have already said to be the best character dynamic in the movie which was Mirage and Noah. It would have turned into another Bumblebee movie. I do like the tie in to the Bumblebee movie and mentioning his history with Charlie. That was cute.

I didn’t mind Alana/Elaina/Alayna (I have no clue how her name is spelt). I enjoyed her most in her initial intro showing her historical knowledge and then she was given some of the driest lines to deliver. Idk if it’s her acting but her dialogue was clunky and uncomfortable.

All in all. Average action movie. Some nice moments. Wasn’t expecting a GI Joe tie in but sure. 7/10

[ghoulfr13nd]

hiii!!! hope you're doing well!!! you know, i'm actually impressed you weren't answering on laptop or in notepad considering how long were our conversations getting already! ghsdfjk i always have to have my notepad opened when writing asks bcos im scared id send them on accident or delete them fsdgjk

Moonlight Sonata and in general these small bits of mood shifts were very effective! and it's amazing that even though they are outliers they still match the general playlist! another song that had BIG effect on me was also I Never Told You What I Do for a Living! i think it was the first major mood shift completely steering the wheel somewhere else and like- it also shocked me, i almost felt like i was lured by mac's party persona only to be brought into a dark alley and get stabbed fgsdjkfl it felt like the title was said to me literally by her before getting murdered fsdjkdfg

oh yeah! from experience i can tell that just talking about ocs/story helps! its something about an active brainstorming and answering questions makes oc brain going! fgdsjsdf im so happy our talks help you out! :D and ooh, if you're not sure if there should be more than angels and demons there are always could be man-made horrors! :D Linsey being a human experiment that escaped the lab sounds like something that could potentially match her? but of course it's just a suggestion, im just joining the brainstorming! idk how compatible that would be with your story it's just on idea! fgsdj

and of course! i love them, i actually think Mac became my blorbo? considering how much space she takes in my brain vs the amount of info i have about her i'd say she's Up There? fgsdjfsdkl speaking about questions! how does mac look btw? by the pic for her playlist i assume she's a blonde/has hair dyed in pastel color and has rather "party girl" fashion sense but outside of that im not making any assumptions and i don't think i saw any drawings of her in what you shared so i'm curious! additionally: since she's an angel does she have wings? 👀 i assume if she does she can hide them to better blend in with humans? and what weapon does she use to kill people??? finn should love his waders he makes them work swimmingly! uwu dfasghk ADDITIONAL QUESTION: do you have any instruments that you associate with specific oc? for example i associate cello with Klepsydra!

OOH OK OK! just a disclaimer, i'm aware not all of the songs match them but these are just songs that i was listening to and had a thought like "that's so mac-core" fsdhfjsd anyway!: Mac: Lollipop by MIKA That Girl by Emei Don't Wanna Sleep my Maneskin Nerves by Icon For Hire Raise Hell by Dorothy Platitudes (Piano) by Lucas Saur Panacea by Disasterpeace (piano makes me think about her idk why ;v;) Fret Street by Go! Child Land of Opportunity by A Great Big World Unholy by Sam Smith Rise Above by Tommee Profitt GRRRLS by AViVA Odds Are by The Fifth Guys Animal by Jim Yoself Crossed The Line by Vosai Reaper by Glaceo Demon Mode by Stileto Again by Crusher-P looks at the amount of songs uhhhhh. do you see what i mean when i say mac's like blorbo to me???? i had to make a LIST! fgsdjkfsdlfjdsfhk

Ves: Black Sheep by Dorothy LA FINE by Maneskin Hope of Morning by Icon of Hire Dead of Night by Daniel Olsén Recycled Youth by Call Me Karizma Jessica Kill by Sum 41

with Linsay i don't have much but i had one song that popped into my head (with my limited understanding of her backstory!): Sorry About Your Parents by Icon For Hire (which i think is too… idk aggressive for her but also… hmmmm…) and also uh Home in the West by Lucas Saur

i don't know much about Finn but i still have something!: Welcome to the Habitat by Lucas Saur The Water Shelf by Disasterpeace (oh yeah that reminds me, what kind of music does Finn listen to?)

thank you! and you know, ironically Klepsydra isn't a main character, even though they are my main oc fhdsjk they are mostly in background, doing their own thing outside of main cast's stories, so narrative treats them as Void bound actually but they are pretty heart bound in their concept! (maybe even witch of heart? they gotta be manipulating class for sure fgsdfhk) anyway! they don't interact with the "main" cast often, the time they are on the screen they are mostly there for comedic effect and then they vanish, and it goes like that for a long time, until the narrative finally decides to focus on them for one "filler" chapter where they get hurt at the end and their powers get revealed to the audience, something like- "oh hey remember this joke character that's always smiling and nice but never lets people get too close? well there's a reason they behave this way and are actually super angsty mf with super destructive powers and they are vital to the story, isn't it wild?" and from that point the narrative would give them more and more spotlight which would culminate in a finale where they can't hide/run away from their own emotions any longer and it ends up in destruction- so yeah…. id say running away and avoiding problems is a big part of their story fhsdfjk (and yes, im sure that says nothing about us, nope! :D)

music anon 🎶

IM DOING WELL!! i went to a concert in tuesday and actually typed most of this that day but i was at work and busy and now its saturday 10:51pm. anyway i saw modest mouse with my brother, so thats one more gender playlist artist down>>>:3c also today i was given a tour of a funeral home and i went to the cemetery and volunteered in the visitors center there, and i’ve been listening to marie kondo’s book and generally just feeling pretty great!! and now i am. very tired. like emotionally. i’m not used to this. i started prozac like a month ago and i feel SO MUCH ALL THE TIME HOW DO NOT-DEPRESSED PEOPLE DO THIS ALL THE TIME. ALSO HOW ARE *YOU!!!!!!!!!*

but!! no uhhh dont get me wrong i usually type my responses out in the notes on my phone (hiii im typing this in here rn!!). i like being able to scroll through your ask without scrolling away from my answer… i did need an actual keyboard for the big answer though>:3c

and aaaa that makes me so happy!! genuinely so so happy. a lot of the pop on mac’s playlist (aside from a few songs) are mostly there for vibes, it is the fluff of the club before she either reveals herself or has a moment of brief self reflection. shes efficient and ruthless and machine-like in her (no pun intended) execution. but she doesn’t allow herself to think about the morality of what she’s doing. she serves her purpose, her holy mission provided to her by God — and God is good, right? who is she to question His plan? and so she does see herself as sort of an extension, a limb, rather than her own being. and who she actually is is at odds with what she’s being made to do, and so sometimes she gets these quiet moments where her heart breaks a little bit, before she shuts it down with partying and drinking and girls.

i’m so?!???!!!!!! touched!!!!!!!!! MY oc? your blorbo? 🥺 that makes me so happy!! i’m so honored!! i love her so much and i have so much fun playing with her in my head and it makes me so happy to have someone to talk about her with!!!

Mac is the type to change her look often! I imagine her changing her hair style/color to match her outfits. whichhh is very easy for her because (AND I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT TOLD YOU THIS!!) her humanoid form isn’t her only form!! she’s able to change between them at will. i haven’t decided the specifics of her angelic form but it’s somewhere in the realm of a bird of prey/harpy/phoenix type deal. and similarly, Ves’s demon counterpart is either a snake or dragon situation. their humanoid forms are their default, and i imagine they become more animalistic as tension grows :3

buuuut Mac generally has either light light blonde, white, or pastel colored hair! it generally leans more white, though. i imagine her eyelashes are white too, and she has gold eyes. she also is usually wearing pink or white, though not exclusively. she tends to have a mix of eras going on, generally pop girly aesthetics from 90s/y2k - present. i like to imagine it manifests as sort of a retro-futuristic vibe.

i havent really thought much about what she wears for leisure… i’ll start thinking about that more :0

she DOES have wings and also a halo! though she does hide them most of the time. generally i’ve sort of imagined her halo becomes a collar when she’s hiding it, and then as she takes on a more righteous display for killing, it expands and rises above her head and her hair falls over it. i’ve usually imagine her using a large hammer to fight (think john egbert or ramona flowers), but i think when it comes time to actually kill, she generally just uses her hands. she also has sharp teeth!

(adjacently, Ves uses a scythe when she fights — though its a lot more rare for her to, and she generally doesn’t want to kill anyone. she would have to be really pushed to her limits before she snaps and gets to that point 👀)

also let me just share Ves and Mac’s pinterest boards!! i don’t know why i didnt think about sharing them sooner fjskdj. also i dont know if i touched on it beyond “they’re dating” but Mac is a lesbian and Ves is bi/pan

ohhhh i love cello for Klepsydra…. those vibes go so well!!

for Mac, i associate her with harsh electric guitar and soft piano!

Ves is drums and mellower electric guitar, some acoustic guitar

Linsey is banjo!

I’m not sure about Finn yet. I’ve been being pulled towards more of a like, synth-pop no-lyrics sort of vibe for him, but who knows if that’ll stick! (its been a minute since i listened to all the songs you recommended - i did that the day of the concert. is that where im pulling that from?)

ALSO I’VE LISTENED TO ALL THE MAC SONGS NOW AND I LOVE THIS PLAYLIST. YOU ARE SO RIGHT SO MANY OF THESE ARE SOOOO MAC-CORE.

the only one i dont really see myself associating with her is Lollipop by MIKA and thats NOT bc i don’t see the potential of it, its because i listened to that album with my mom in the car ALL THE TIME when i was little and so every time i hear any of the songs from it, i think about being like 9 years old and asking my mom to play the lollipop song hfskjdjd. but yes yes yes i love this playlist for her!!! one of my favorites from it is don’t wanna sleep….. also unholy!! very very fitting.

i do like the songs you’ve chosen for Ves but i feel like theyre a little too… emotionally intense, i think? Ves is NOT in touch with her emotions at all, in an equal but opposite way as Mac. shes a very in-the-moment person, not as a rule but just because its hard for her to think about time in either direction. shes just trying to get from one moment to the next. (which is also sort of the opposite of Mac, too, huh? :0 in the way that Mac tends to mix time up together rather than avoid thinking about it)

also i will say that i do think some of ves’s playlist that *i’ve* made doesnt communicate that well. i was pleased as punch that you were able to clock her so well with my music choices, because i’ve had a really hard time with it. she’s been sort of in a mutating state — shes a LOT different than how i originally envisioned her when i made her. the issue was that i wanted conflicting personality traits for her, and now i’ve committed to some and mac has the rest, while also having her own unique qualities that i’m really excited about.

sorry about your parents is a little too aggressive for Linsey, but I liked home in the west!! i dont remember what i thought about the ones for Finn off the top of my head 😔 i would relisten to all of them before replying and i dont want to wait anymore

ANDDDDD KLEPSYDRA BEING A SIDE CHARACTER THAT IS SLOWLY REVEALED TO HAVE SO MUCH MORE GOING OM??? THAT FUCKS SO HAAAARRRDDD I LOVE IT!! i’m interested in what issues in the story it is shes avoiding? :0 whats going on in the main plot over there? 👀

[ideal-girl]

you answered this about Sam’s Story before but can you go more into why (specifically) the ex insisted that Sam would receive “what makes babies” at the end of their intimacies and Sam’s feelings at receiving “what makes babies”? And is Mandy always squicked out about knowing this? 

Regarding when Sam would be aggressive with Mandy during intimacy, how much of it is her own desires (if she had any) versus what she thinks she should do with Mandy? 

Actually, come to think of it wouldn’t Sam have like read online or something how to act with partners during intimacy beforehand? and if she didn’t… why do you think she didn’t?  

Nia: 

Sam's Ex approached her on a dare and never truly valued her or their relationship because of that. He exploited Sam from the very beginning and must have taken a duper's delight in knowing that his intentions were bad while hers were good. I believe that he enjoyed having intercourse with her because she was permissive of his aggression, and that he insisted on potentially impregnating her (even with no intention of being a father or having a longterm relationship with Sam) because it could embarrass her and/or sabotage the rest of her life. Otherwise, Sam's Ex is just irresponsible and insensitive to how his actions could influence her life in a negative way. 

Sam's feelings about his "substance" being in her body are probably very complex. This is supposed to be her boyfriend and longterm partner, and so she may have felt obliged to let him to do that to her. However, Sam is not ignorant to the potential results of that behavior, which is an infant. She's at college to build at life for herself, and she is vulnerable because she's still in the process of doing that. If she were to become a mother, it would be difficult for her to accomplish her personal goals and motherhood is not rewarding for all women, even if they deeply love their children. I believe that Sam disregarded the potential "bad timeline" because of the lies she believed about her boyfriend, that he loved her and that he would stay in the longterm. 

I do believe that Sam would research things about intimacy and how to be a good girlfriend. Especially when they started having actual intercourse, she probably did research how to behave during those moments or ask questions to validate (or invalidate) her feelings. ("Is it normal for boyfriends to [blank]?") However, I don't believe that she put deep thought into how specific actions could be good or bad for her. I think it was all about him, even if she didn't mean to forget about herself. It's easy to become hyper focused on someone else when you are trying to be good to them. 

Sam doesn't seem that interested in brute aggression in bed, in my opinion, and so her treating Mandy like that comes from her previous experiences with her ex that have been normalized in her mind. I feel like she would be more teasing or flirty than outright violent because she wouldn't want to risk genuinely hurting Mandy. Anything other than that would be learned behavior from someone else.

In terms of Mandy's reaction to Sam having experienced (or received) that type of "stuff" from her ex, she might be weirded out. It seems kinda weird or gross, especially when you are thinking about it coming from a man who's really a loser. Ick! However, it's really just...another byproduct of human anatomy, like blood and snot. Yeah, those things are gross too, but it's really nothing on its own. This is just how I process things and maybe that might match Mandy's character, but I'm not sure about that. 

[incesthemes]

final thoughts: supernatural season 3

GREAT SEASON. i was surprised that it only had 16 episodes, but apparently it was because of the writers strike in 2007-2008? so that makes more sense. also i kinda like the vague poetry of the season being cut short, it very much parallels dean's life getting cut short lmao

i am a BIG fan of the winchesters dying, so between mystery spot and the finale, this season was a delight for me. death in supernatural is such a unique experience, so it's fun to pick apart the emotional weight and the significance of each death. this isn't particularly a new thought for me, but i like that death isn't exactly an "end" in spn; it is just another stage of existence, one from which anyone has the potential to return. obviously this "anyone" only really extends to the winchesters, but their plot armor is something i actually find gives this show a lot of its charm. it's similar to how i feel about death in homestuck, and the in-universe culture surrounding death in both shows is distorted appropriately to ignore its finality and treat it much differently from other stories.

actually on the topic of mystery spot though, i found those 6 retconned months to be peculiar. it ignored the existence of ruby and lilith and everything else going on around hurricane winchester, and while i'm sure it was for time slot reasons, it really has stuck in my mind. if ruby is so hellbent on training up sam to defeat lilith, then why wouldn't she contact him when he's at his lowest to manipulate him accordingly, just like she tried in the finale? the fact that sam is effectively left alone during those 6 months is very weird to me. this is definitely one of those things that make me dislike episodic storytelling, since the story has to be "reset" by the end of the episode in order to start a new A plot come the next one. it would have been nice to see the more realistic ramifications of dean's death in mystery spot a la ruby and her plans, especially knowing that this is exactly what she does with sam during dean's vacation in hell.

i do wish henricksen hadn't died at the end of jus in bello. not that i think it was a bad decision, but something i find nice in charmed is that the sisters always have someone within law enforcement to help cover their tracks. i think henricksen would have fit into that spot really nicely, since he seems to think very much like dean and i think they could have gotten along. with as many run-ins with the cops as they've had up to now, they could use a little help on the inside. because lord, this show makes me hate cops more than i did before with how aggressive and idiotic they are. shoot first ask questions never—yeah, seriously. anyway i don't dislike the direction they took with henricksen, but it could have been an interesting avenue to explore, since there's a template with charmed already. also i just started liking henricksen. i wasn't done with him yet okay. what if he lived and became a hunter. what if he worked alongside them. literally so much potential for this man and now he's dead.

but speaking of jus in bello: the end of the episode proved that ruby had the better plan, and still dean refused to even hear her out when she appeared in the finale. it's in character for him, but that kind of thing is a little grating, especially when that wasn't actually brought up as a counter in the episode. it felt a little disjointed, and so i guess it made me pull a face since we are 0 for 1 in the winchesters vs lilith battle up to this point. it's been made clear that "the way dad taught us" isn't exactly working out for them, so you would think that would at least be thrown back in dean's face. dean's insistence on clinging to john's style has a body count, yet he won't even entertain anything else.

the sudden about-face dean makes halfway through the episode doesn't exactly make much sense either, tbh. at least this is addressed, but i still find it odd. i guess it's another example of dean's toxic machismo and refusal to listen to anyone around him coming out to play? the finale is absolutely a shining display of dean making horrible decisions and paying dearly for them. if that was the intention, then they did that well. it's a pretty strong core of his character though, so i don't really take issue with it.

anyway i don't have too much else to say. i guess i was a little disappointed that there weren't actually all that many demon enemies in the episodes? i do love the variety, and they had great monsters this season honestly, but i was expecting demons to play a much stronger antagonistic role than they actually did this season. also it's a crying shame that dean never really learned much in the end from his time with casey in sin city; he's a little thick-headed lmao.

but yeah overall i thought it was a great season. i have much fewer criticisms with s3 than i did with s2, and i'm happy that most of their weird kinks got sorted out this season. i'm SUPER excited to finally get to castiel too :D i really liked his character! and it means i'm just one season away from crowley, too. i am pumped up :)

[weaving-knightmares]

ykw I've been saying for a long time that Bucky Barnes has gotten shit writing & treatment from marvel since 2015 so finding out a bunch of guys on twitter noticed the same thing. it proves in not crazy LOL, ever since that alanna superwholock fangirl got out on something shifted

it's like marvel saw Bucky's popularity jump from a genuinely top tier TWS adaptation in the MCU, but then got some higher up(maybe after the exec shake up that happened then) got mad at his new popularity and decided to start sidelining & scuttling character in 2015. & what crazy is not even the MCU adaptation that popularized him stayed safe writingwise, something on an exec-level gotta be happening

2015 def seems like the turning point, all good ideas for him and actual depth of character got thrown out the window and they just ride the wave of popularity of ppl who just vaguely like the Winter Soldier character design and make a random ass OC that's just a white guy a long hair and put it onto actual official comic pages for only a certain type of fangirl to screenshot and act like it's the best thing ever no matter how worse the writing keeps getting for him lol

sorry I don't know who that superwholock girl is 😶

is 2015 the year brubaker stopped writing him? I personally don't think anyone else has written him well (except maybe a few moments here and there). I'm not even a huge fan of mcu bucky (mostly because of the fandom tbh & because he has overshadowed more interesting characters like Sam) but I definitely think they did him super dirty after catws - the foundation was strong & it looks like they didn't know what to do & making a civil war movie was the wrong choice for so many reasons, but also because of what it did to bucky's character (and literally everyone else's but this isn't about them).

I think the mcu was, ultimately, not the right fit for the character (disney, for one, and also the homogenous nature of the films does not really allow for any stories that are unique/ serious/ introspective to be told & this is why barely any of their projects are actually good, quality-wise).

I know they made some weird choices with 616 bucky (space, thunderbolts etc.) but the characterization always felt off to me & also, there are much better stories that can be told with him. I feel like lately, he's kind of just been there (I need him to be free of the "cap-fam") & whatever lanzing & kelly did and are still doing had some potential imo but unfortunately, they can't write & they don't know bucky at all.

I feel like they need to bring brubaker back or at least hire writers who believe in doing research before writing a character.

[balanceoflightanddark]

Thanks for the tag @waterfire1848

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender, Azula: Honestly some of you should've seen this coming. She's one of the characters I connected with the most. Her struggles felt real. Her triumphs were energizing. And her fall was...well it was heartbreaking. I am glad she finally got a one-shot, but honestly she deserves a lot more.

2. Godzilla, Godzilla: You should've also seen this coming. Guy's a pop culture icon and has cast a shadow over media for 70 plus years. And he's STILL going with a great movie being released this month. Hero. Villain. It doesn't matter because he's not going anywhere.

3. Kung Fu Panda, Po: I'll be honest, this guy was my hero growing up. Or one of them at least. As someone who grew up having low self-esteem and wanting to not be...himself, Po was legitimately inspiring since his struggles felt so real. Which made it all the more sweeter when he genuinely became that hero he always wanted to be.

4. Mass Effect, Wrex: In a series filled with awesome characters and thought-provoking stories, Wrex is, in my opinion, on top of the list. A disillusioned bounty hunter who is counting down the days till his race goes extinct regains his will to fight for a better future and redeem his people. There's something...I guess you can say that's human about his arc.

5. Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Edelgard: I made a whole post detailing why she's my favorite. Destined to be a weapon and a monster, she rejects that fate and frees Fodlan from the real enemies in the Church of Seiros. She's inspiring. She's charismatic...and she hides in her bedroom when her teacher sees the fanart she made of them.

6. Naruto, Kaguya Otsutsuki: ...okay okay. I get she's not the best-written character in the world. I'd even argue she has so much wasted potential. Still, I felt she was a powerhouse and I do have a lot of fun coming up with headcanons and analyzing what little we do get of her. Plus she's extremely hot.

7. The Lion King 1994, Simba: He was one of my favorite Disney heroes growing up, and that really hasn't changed all that much. Goes from a carefree kid who's excited to be king into a wise leader who frees the Pride Lands. While he's not the most original character out there, his character arc was pretty powerful and is still one of the best Disney has to offer.

8. Beast Wars, Dinobot: Well if anybody wants to know my favorite redemption arc, here you go. Dinobot started out as a begrudging ally of the Maximals who, despite having a code of honor, often butted heads with the heroes (especially Rattrap) since he was still an opportunistic Predacon. At first. Over time though, his rough edges begin to smooth out considerably and he becomes more noble. Up to the point he makes the ultimate sacrifice to save mankind and screw over Megatron's plans to atone for his sins. Primal said it best: "He lived a warrior, and died a hero."

9. Lord of the Rings, Samwise Gamgee: Lord of the Garden. Come on, I think anyone would like a friend like Sam. Initially a bit of a comic relief, it turns out he has more guts than most men and is willing to throw down with opponents far out of his league. And in the case of Shelob: winning. He gives some of the best dialogue and ultimately manages to carry Frodo up the side of Mt. Doom and thus help thwart one of media's greatest villains just by being a stalwart friend. A paragon for the simple folk.

10. DC Comics, Clark Kent/Superman: There's a reason why he's considered to be one of the greatest superheroes ever. Despite being given great power, he's a farm boy at heart and loves helping people instead of lording it over others. He's smarter than he looks, and ultimately is the friend everyone wished they had. Time again he's challenged by changing morals and an ever cynical world, and time and again, he proves why the world needs a Superman.

@mousegard, @crunchy-multi-fan-one-9, @prodogg, @prying-pandora666, @azulas-daddy-kink

10 characters | 10 fandoms | 10 a negotiable number of tags

Tagged by @zukoisblorbo 💜

1. Sokka: atla - I love a silly guy who would wear Crocs and make dumb jokes/puns and complain all the time.

2. Mizu: Blue Eye Samurai - 😍😍😍

3. Bob Belcher: Bob's Burgers - there might be a theme to this and it's bisexual disasters

4. Marceline the Vampire Queen: Adventure Time - goodness I love her songs and her story line and ah

5. Korra: tlok - this counts as a separate fandom right? Korra has reminded me that healing isn't linear

6. Inosuke Hashibira: Demon Slayer - I just love idiots

7. Howl: Howl's Moving Castle - again, I love bisexual dumbasses

8. Hestu: Legend of Zelda - he just makes me so happy

9. Cherry: Sk8te the Infinity - I also want to be a grumpy man with long pink hair

10. Hua Cheng: Heaven's Official Blessing - (⁠๑⁠♡⁠⌓⁠♡⁠๑⁠) pls

I'm gonna tag @naberriesamidala @unacaritafeliz @zukkaturtleduck @transboyzuko @xieliansbignaturals

[trektraveler]

Practically Magic Chapter Six: The Black Dog

Summary: Growing up in the same tiny mountain town, Y/N Owens and Dean Winchester despised each other. The only thing they ever agreed on was their need to escape. Life took them in opposite directions and neither of them ever looked back. So, when their paths cross over a series of gruesome murders in their hometown it was no surprise that old friction heated up again.

Dean never dreamed he’d be teaming up with a psychic, the FBI frowned on that sort of thing, but he was desperate. When that psychic turned out to be Y/N Owens, Dean knew two things for sure. One, Y/N was the real deal and two, he was in real trouble.

Pairing: Agent!Dean x Psychic!Reader, Dean x Reader, AU Dean x You Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, John Winchester, Bobby Singer

Warnings: Slow Burn, Serial Killer Elements, Witches, Haters to Lovers, Claustrophobic Elements, Murder Scenes

Author’s Notes: This is an AU taking elements from the film Practical Magic and applying them to a fictional world where Dean Winchester is an FBI Agent. You will find parallels from that movie here, some quotes and other elements that capture the essence of the world of the Owens Witches. Hopefully! Additional Author’s Notes: This is a unique reader insert story as I have given the reader a physical description including hair color, eye color and body type. Chapter Six: The Black Dog Word Count: 3819

     “You spend all your energy trying to fit in, be normal.  But you’re never going to fit in, because we’re different!” – Gillian Owens

    You efficiently shuffled the over-sized deck of cards as you sat at the kitchen table.  The familiar smooth edges and worn corners soothed your nerves as you repeated the mindless task.  It had been a week since you started working with the Winchesters and so far, you hadn’t been much of an asset.  You’d had no visions, no prophetic dreams, not so much as a spooky shiver!  Nothing!  You felt frustrated and utterly useless.  It was only a matter of time before the killer struck again and the pressure to produce something tangible was intense.

     Sam was the most understanding; patience being one of his many strengths.  He seemed pleased to have you around and always asked for your opinion on potential suspects.  Although, you produced nothing of substance, he was quick to assure you that your help was needed and welcome.

     Dean, on the other hand, avoided you almost entirely.  He shut himself up in his office, pouring over case files and drinking vats of sour coffee.  When he did emerge, it was to leave and interview potential witnesses or revisit crime scenes.  Or brood.  Lord knows he’d been an expert at that when you were children and he’d perfected his technique in recent years.  You couldn’t help but notice that even Sam’s deputies steered clear of him.  Silverton was a small town and shared their law enforcement with three other communities.  This was likely the first time these local boys had teamed up with someone of Dean’s clout.  The whole station was a bundle of nerves and anxiety.   

     Which is exactly why you were in Gran’s kitchen.  You needed space to breathe and to get your spirit in alinement to receive. 

     “Dear me, back to the training wheels, is it?”

     You continued to shuffle, watching your grandmother glide over to the stove and put a kettle on.  “Tarot is a perfectly viable tool for divination.”

     “Oh, I am well aware… that is my deck, you’re using.”

     “I have better luck with yours.”

     You laid out two cards in quick succession.  Five of wands and the four of cups.  Conflict and melancholy.

     Viv glanced over your shoulder and clicked her tongue.  “Those cards always were on the sharp side.”

     You groaned, “It’s not going well.” 

     She filled two cups with steaming tea, offering one to you as she sat across from you.  “I could have told you that.  Nothing ever goes well with the Winchesters.”

     “Not even with Sam?”  You asked, peering innocently over the rim of your teacup.

     “Samuel’s good nature is not enough to counter the chaotic nature of his brother.  He’s not safe, Y/N.”

     “He’s an FBI Agent and Sam is a sheriff.  Public safety is in their job description.”

     “Pretending ignorance doesn’t suit, so let’s not dance around the subject.  Its Dean who concerns me and should concern you.”  Viv stirred a spoonful of honey into her tea.  “I nearly lost you because of him and here you are… giving him an opportunity to do it all again, this time permanently.”

     You looked down, unable to face the directness of your grandmother’s gaze.  “It’s in the past, Gran.”

     “The past has a way of repeating itself.  Especially in this family.”

     “Not this time.”  You rubbed your thumb over the palm of your right hand, another childhood habit.  “The ties that bound us together were severed long ago.  Nothing is going to happen with Dean, I’ve made sure of it.”

     Remorse reflected in Viv’s dark eyes, “I know, my darling girl.  But that doesn’t make it easy.  For either of you.”

     “No, it doesn’t,” you agreed.  “But stopping this killer is more important that our comfort.  It’s the gift.  The call, I have to answer it.”

     Vivienne reached across the table and flipped over the third card, The Moon.  Intuition.

     “So, it seems.  Take the Obsidian, the weather is turning.”

     You maneuvered your old Jeep down the winding road that would deposit you in the middle of downtown Silverton.  Reliable, durable, and older than you, it had been a birthday present when you turned sixteen.  Black with a double pinstripe in neon purple.  You parked it in the garage when you left to seek your fortune, never knowing that you’d one day be right back where you started.  A Stevie Nicks cassette was still stuck in the ancient tape deck and seemed appropriate. 

     Gran’s Black Obsidian pendant was hidden under your shirt and sat over your heart.  The large piece of volcanic glass was a sword against negativity and dated all the way back to the Mayans.  Your clothes were black too, and close fitting.  Modern day armor, you donned when you needed to project strength you didn’t quite feel.  Fake it ‘til you make it.  Today certainly fell into that category. 

     You parked in front of the sheriff’s station and checked your reflection in the rearview before getting out.  The tousled pixie cut still did its job of accentuating your features while conveying confidence with a touch of sex appeal.  A small, petty part of you hoped Dean was struggling as much as you were.  Why should you be the only one squirming?  If looking good was the best revenge, then you were going to serve it hot!

     The wind that had been blustering all morning came to an abrupt stop as you reached for the front door of the station.  There was a smell of something burning, smoldering and sulfuric.  You felt eyes on you, boring into your back and when you slowly turned there was a huge, black dog.  Eerie and still as death, its eyes burned.  Drilling into yours with intensity that stole your breath.  Serpentine smoke slithered and swirled around its feet.  It threw its head back and let out the most horrific sound. 

     A howl that sounded like it came from the gates of Hell itself. 

     Then it was gone!  Jagged images like broken glass tore through your mind and snippets of conversation in strange voices.  The information was overwhelming and crashed over you in unrelenting waves until your head threatened to split apart! 

     All you wanted was for it to stop, but you couldn’t break free.  Was this what happened to your less fortunate ancestors with the sight?  Is this how they went mad?  Luckily, you were saved from the same grisly fate by two hands on your shoulders pulling you back into the present.

     “Y/N!  What the hell are you doing?!”

     The dog, the smoke, the hellish images all gone.  Only the jade green eyes and a sinful mouth pulled into a tight line remained.  Those hands shook you roughly and you blinked. 

     “Dean?”

     “Yeah, it’s me!  What were you thinking running into the middle of the street like that?  Old man Perkins nearly flattened you with his pickup!”

     Your brows drew together in confusion.  Then, glancing around, you understood.  You weren’t in front of the sheriff’s station anymore, you were three blocks over on Main Street.  Judging from the vehicles stopped in the intersection and shaken drivers, you’d walked right into oncoming traffic.

     “Oh.”

     “Oh, she says.”  Dean straightened to his full height and ran a hand over his mouth.  “Jesus, Pip... you nearly gave me a coronary.”

     You brought a hand to your head and looked around for any trace of your vision.  “Sorry, there was this… black dog.  And I heard…”

     Dean saw your hand tremble and he softened.  He was in the coffee shop when he saw you standing on the sidewalk staring off into nothing.  The vacant look on your face pricked at his instincts.  He was already heading for the door when you darted out into the street.  A hatchback missed you by inches and Dean reached you just in time to snatch you from the path of that ancient Chevy truck. 

     “Come on,” he said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.  “Let’s get out of here.”

     Twenty minutes later you were seated on the sofa in Dean’s office.  A mug of hot tea in your hands helped you to finally stop shaking. You’d had countless premonitions in your life, they could be intense, but this was different.  Never had a vision displaced you in reality.  You weren’t sure what to make of it, but for the moment you were content to keep your own council on the matter.  The Winchesters wouldn’t understand it and if your Gran ever caught wind of it… well, best to not think about that. 

     The door opened and Sam walked in with Dean behind him.  They made an intimidating pair, and you sat up a bit straighter out in spite of yourself.

     “Hey, Y/N.  Feeling better?”  asked Sam, leaning against the desk.

     “Yes, I’m fine.  Sorry, I know you were worried.”

     The lanky giant scratched the back of his neck, “I just don’t have a lot of experience with psychics.  I wasn’t sure how to help.”

     You gave him a reassuring smile, “Sam, you’ve known me since kindergarten.  A quiet space and a little time usually fix just about anything.”

     “So, you remember it then?  Your vision?”

     It was Dean who asked.  Your gaze snapped to his in surprise.  He’d never been exactly at ease with your magic roots, even whispering about visions seemed to make him squirm.  It must be his unfailing professionalism that had him treating the very idea with a measure of respect.  Or desperation.

     “I remember, but the information is kind of all over the place.  Disjointed.”

     “Did you see him?”

     “No,” you replied with a frown.  “But I heard him.  I think he was talking on the phone… he said something about going home.”

     “Home where?” asked Sam.

     “I saw something in his hand, but I don’t know what it means.”  You walked over to the desk and scribbled the strange words down on a steno pad.  “His voice was smarmy, smooth like a Bond villain selling used cars.”

     “Dieu et mon Droit,” Dean muttered, reading over your shoulder.  

     “Latin.  Um… God and my right,” Sam supplied.  “It’s on the UK passport.”

     “Bond villain.”  Dean paced as he thought, “Going home to England.  So what?  He’s skipping the country?”

     “He won’t be gone long,” you replied.  You closed your eyes and repeated the words of the killer, “Back by the new moon, Mrs. Kennedy waits for no one.”

     Dean moved to a massive cork board that took up the entire south wall of his office.  It was covered with visual evidence.  Pictures of each of the victims, crime scenes, possible suspects.  Newspaper articles and a timeline of the murders.  Many of the papers had multiple pinholes in them, obviously moved around countless times as the Winchesters worked the case. 

     He tapped the calendar with his index finger, “That tracks.  So far, he’s dropped a body every two weeks, give or take.  It’s all part of his ritual.  The hearts, the body placement, the timing.”

     Sam joined him at the board, “Is there a Kennedy in the suspect pool?  The profile didn’t peg him as married, but that could always be wrong.”

     “I don’t think it is, this dude has the ultimate love/hate relationship with women.”

     The voices of Sam and Dean faded into the background as you studied the board.  You’d seen it countless times and it always seemed very random.  Aside from the fact that all the victims were women, they had no other qualities that linked them.  They were from different backgrounds, ethnicities, professions, and ages.  Beautiful, vibrant women.  Lives cut short in their prime, some even before their prime.  The frozen bride had been younger than you originally thought, only fifteen. 

     One more picture came into focus in your mind, and something clicked.  Your hand went to your churning stomach as your thoughts stumbled upon a disturbing realization. 

     “She’s a crone.”

     Sam turned to you, “You saw her?”

     You gave a nod, “Elderly, white hair, hunched back, nailed painted bright pink.”

     Dean arched an eyebrow, “Crone?  That’s not very P.C.”

     “It’s a technical term, not for her age but for what she represents.”  You wedged your way between the brothers and began marking out the calendar.  “She’s part of the Triple Goddess.”

     Always quick minded, Sam caught on first, “Maiden, Mother, Crone.  You might be on to something; it fits with the timing.”

     “The Triple Goddess represents the different stages of womanhood as they correspond with the phases of the moon.  The Maiden, or in this case virgin, is youthful and pure.  Represented by the waxing moon.”  You circled the estimated time and date of death for the body discovered at your party.

     “The Mother is the full moon.  Abundant and fertile.”  You added two circles that matched up with two of the victims.

     “The Crone,” you circled the date from Sierra Thompson’s murder.  “She’s the waning moon, wisdom and courage.”

     Dean’s face hardened as he considered the calendar, “With this kind of ritual killing, its more about when the kill is performed rather than the discovery of the bodies.  Especially since he’s harvesting their hearts.”

     “So, Mrs. Kennedy completes the cycle for this group of murders, what about the first group?  There’s only two of them.”  Sam speculated, “Maybe he didn’t get to it.”

     “That’s not his M.O.”  Dean muttered with a frown, “He’s planned this whole thing down to the last detail, he wouldn’t just miss one because he got busy.”

     “It’s called the Triple Goddess for a reason; you can’t have one without the others.”  Your knees went weak and leaned against the desk.  You felt drained as you did the day you went to the yellow house with Sam.  Your temple still ached from the vision.  Although you’d be hard pressed to admit it, this was taking a toll on you in more ways than one.

     “There is another Maiden, you just haven’t found her yet.”

     Dean insisted on driving you home.  And on picking you up the following day, since your Jeep was now stranded in town.  The man was relentless when his protectiveness flared up.

     “Your color’s not right,” he grumbled, helping you into the passenger’s seat.  “I’m not going to let you pass out behind the wheel and drive that hunk of crap off the side of the mountain.”

     “I thought you appreciated a classic vehicle.”

     “I do when they’re properly maintained.  When was the last time that deathtrap had an oil change?”

     “Um, senior year?” you guessed.

     “Pathetic.”  Dean turned down the narrow road leading to the Owen’s house.  “And your tires are practically bald, you’d be safer on a three-legged mule.”

     “Maybe you’d prefer I ride my broom.”

     “Can… can you do that?”

     A small smile tugging at your lips as you turned your attention to the passing scenery.

     He mulled it over for a minute, “Does it have a seatbelt?”

     A few minutes later, Dean escorted you to the front door, his hand on the small of your back.  You weren’t sure if the slight contact was meant to reassure you or him, either way it was welcome. 

     “Come in,” you said, stepping over the threshold.  “I’ll go grab those books I was telling you about.”

     Dean watched you disappear down the hallway, your stride quick as you navigated your family home.  It had been years since he’d stepped foot in the Owen’s house, and it hadn’t changed a day.  Still a fascinating mix of Victorian apothecary and Gothic romance.  He’d grown up hearing all kinds of rumors about the place.  Everything from ghostly apparitions appearing on the widow’s walk to the untimely deaths of every man who dared pursue an Owen’s woman.  He never put any stock in it.  To him, your house was just like you.  Hauntingly beautiful, utterly warm, and a complete mystery. 

     Growing bolder, he ventured into the Great Room.  Still a bit too fancy for his tastes, with its velvet settees and fringed curtains, but it smelled the same.  Like jasmine and incense.  There were countless pictures in heavy silver frames on every surface.  Some in black and white, obviously family heirlooms.  Others were more recent.  Some of Vivienne Owens in her youth; wearing a mini skirt and Gogo boots.  Grinning as she stood proudly next to the Compendium, a sold sign under her arm.   Your mother, a fragile beauty who died when you were six. 

     Dean came to the collection on the fireplace and stopped.  His own face stared back at him.  He pulled the picture down from its perch and muttered a curse.

     “Son of a bitch.”

     It was the night of your senior prom.  Sammy was supposed to be your date, but he was laid up with the flu.  Dean was back for a few days before he left again to start a new job in Denver.  He never could deny his little brother anything, so he showed up at your house wearing one of his Dad’s old suits and a grin. 

     “Thinking of better days?”

     Startled out of his reminiscing, he quickly turned to you.  “Ah, yeah.  Well, no…I just haven’t seen this in a long time.”

     You set down your stack of books on a small table as you took the frame from his hands.  Your warm fingers brushed his and a small zap passed between the two of you.  If you noticed it, you didn’t mention it.  Dean watched the light come to your eyes as you gazed at the picture and smiled.  You were standing close enough for him to detect your perfume.  You always seemed to smell like the season, today it was heady and warm.  Like clove studded oranges with a touch of amber.

     “I really loved that dress.  Gran had it up in the shop for ages, I must have tried it on a dozen times.”

     “It was beautiful,” Dean agreed, his voice going a bit rough.  “You were beautiful.  Still are.”

     You never were sure what to say when a man complimented you.  Somehow, hearing them express their attraction made you automatically shut down.  Not with Dean.  You wanted him to go on and on and on.  In that deep, honeyed whiskey voice that warmed you to the core.

     This was a disaster.

     “Dean…”

     “I’m surprised you held on to it, after everything that happened.  How things went down… I figure you’d burn it or use it for target practice.”

     You placed the frame back in its place of honor on the mantle.  “The bad things that happen don’t erase the good things.  I needed reminding of that for a long time.  This was a good day, a great day.  So much was lost, it didn’t seem fair to lose that too.”

     Dean looked down, his mouth pulling into a line.  “Yeah.”

     “There was something else,” you said after a beat.  “About that vision today.  There was a black dog.”

     “I take it you’re not talking about a Labrador.”

     “It pops up in all kinds of lore, usually interpreted as a death omen but this one was more specific than ones I’ve read about.  I wasn’t sure at first, but now… I think it was a Hellhound.”

     Dean’s eyebrows shot up then came down as he realized that you were serious.  “A Hellhound?  That’s a real thing?”

     “It wasn’t just a warning; it was a threat.”  Your big, brown eyes betrayed you.  You were afraid for him.  “Dean, please just… just be careful.  This guy is playing games with you now, but that’s just the prelude.  He wants you dead.”

     He drew you into his arms and held you tightly.  His warm hand cupped the nape of your neck while his chin came to rest on the top of your head.  You wrapped your arms around his torso and buried your face in his chest.  You fit together perfectly and for one brief moment, everything was right with the world.

     “It’s gonna be alright, Sweetheart.”  He ran his hand up and down your back, comforting you, “We are going to make it through this with flying colors, you’ll see.”

     “How do you know?”

     “Well, on top of my years of experience in the field and the fact that my brother the boy genius is on the case, I’ve got this kick-ass witch helping me.”

     “Really?  Anyone I know?”  You sassed.

     “Maybe… she’s this pretty, little redhead with dangerous curves and big brown eyes.  The kind of eyes a man can get lost in.  And at the same time, he’s found.  Cause when she looks at you, it’s like you’re being seen for the first time.  Because she knows you, all the way down to your bones.  And she never turns away from what she sees, even though she should.”

     Your eyes widened at his words, then shuttered closed as he ghosted his fingers over your jawline.  A tiny electric current raced along your skin, growing stronger as he maintained contact.  You were certain that if he continued, you’d literally light up like a Christmas tree! 

     He curled a finger under your chin and ran his thumb over your bottom lip, causing your face to tip up to his.  Consenting to his silent request.  His lips were mere inches from yours when the grandfather clock sounded from deep within the house.  Six chimes of the bell noted the hour and broke the spell. 

     Dean released you, his hands fisted at his sides, as if he really had to work not to reach for you again. 

     “I better get going,” he said, picking up the books as you blinked up at him.  “I’m really going to be in trouble if Viv catches me.”

     You took a steadying breath, trying to regain your composure.  “The big, bad FBI guy isn’t scared of a little old lady like my Gran, is he?

     “Hell, yes he is!  Last time I was here she threatened to turn me into something with four legs and a tail.”

     You had to laugh at that, “Yeah, I remember.  Still, she wouldn’t actually go through with it… I don’t think.”

     “Agree to disagree, Sweetheart.”

     “In that case, here,” you unhooked the silver chain around your neck and fixed it around Dean’s instead.  The pendant fell to rest over his heart.  “Obsidian, for protection.”

     He tucked it under his shirt then quickly kissed your forehead and took off towards the door.

     “I’ll be by at eight a.m. to pick you up, okay?”

     “Sure,” you replied, following him to the foyer.

     The wind blew in when he pulled the door open.  Bitter.  Swirling with fallen leaves and melancholic nostalgia. 

     You wrapped your arms around yourself in an effort to ward off the chill.  And the regret as you watched Dean Winchester walk out the door, again.

     “Oh, and Y/N?”

     “Hmm?”

     The corner of his mouth lifted into not quite a smile, but his eyes carried kindness.  “Lock up behind me.” TAGLIST @deans-baby-momma @muchamusedaboutnothing @peterpangirl21 @ficbreaks @teresa-67 @sacriceria @verytoadpapersoul @heartbreak-of-a-marauder @savspersonalproperty @deanwanddamons @jenwinchester40 @perpetualabsuridty @starryeyeseunbyul @sexyvixen7 @katsbratsupernaturalwhore @agirlwithdemonblood @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @imthedoctorlove @roonyxx @smellingofpoetry @deanwinchesterswitch @thinkinghardhardlythinking @pink-sparkly-witch @barewithme02 @deadlynightshadeindustries @jc-winchester @mrswhozeewhatsis  @kinderousmaster @lyarr24 @aphorism-001 @onlinecemetery @allonsy-yesiwill @myeagletoadmaker @panicking-outside-the-disco @haylie-spnfam4ever @lauraashley93 @foxyjwls007 @bluedragonflylady @foxyjwls007

[seawater-aurelia-writing]

The Break

Pairing(s): Fem!MC/Yuu/Reader x TBD

Summary: MC finally shuts down from all of her acts of helping with overblots and the countless favors/demands that are asked of her. When the Prefect of Ramshackle is the one who needs help, who steps forward?

WARNINGS

I am not the best at labeling warnings or triggers but I can say that this story is laden with neglect, self-neglect, anxiety, possible depression and attempts to justify the above. There could be more labels that I can add but i’m unsure how to word them - so please exercise caution.

Quick Note: The reader in this story is largely based upon Cinderella, for multiple reasons (#1 being that I want to and #2 being that I absolutely love Cinderella and think she’s amazingヾ(•ω•`)o ) . If that type of character behavior annoys or offends you, I recommend skipping this!

She should have seen it coming; The break. Her break.

Her sight blurred with tears, which spilled over her eyes  quickly as she laid upon the floor of the library – cold and alone. In front of her, just out of reach, laid her phone amidst the plentiful books which laid strewn chatoticly across the floor from her harsh tumble. Her phone vibrated constantly cause M/C o flinch as she imagined the messages that must be flying across her notifications; Her friends and upperclassmen asking for favors and why she hadn’t completed what they asked.

‘I need to… get up.’ She thought to herself, willing herself to move her arms but her body was more akin to cold, ancient steel, a machine that had been abandoned and forgotten throughout time; It felt nothing like how she was a month ago, a week ago, a few hours ago. ‘ I have.. so much left to do.’

As she tried to find the will to stand – M/C thought of how she ended up in this position; body battered and bruised after falling from the top of the ladder in the deserted corner of the library.

 She could barely life her feet as she made her way down the path, back towards Ramshackle Dorm. In her arms, Grim lay curled into her chest as he slept peacefully in her arms.

‘We both had a long day.’ MC mused to herself, gently pressing his closer as the cold, wintry wind blew harder. She recounted their day slowly, going over each task they had accomplished.

Crowley wished for them to wake up earlier to remove unwanted, viney weeds from around the campus gates, Sam’s Store, and the fencing around the Flying Course field in exchange he’d give them some aid to finally repair their roof. Unable to refuse such an offer, M/C awoke at 3 am to be able to accomplish all of the weeding.

However, Grim had not woken to any of her calls or he just ignored her, leaving M/C to venture into the darkened morning on her own to do the weeding.

After 2 hours, when she was finally able to head back to Ramshackle to freshen up before breakfast, she was stopped by Vil. The Pomefiore Dorm Head all but demanded her attention for an hour  in the afternoon, her lunch period specifically, to fetch him some arctic sea water from Azul.

Vil was supposedly unable to pick up the water himself as he had an impromptu photoshoot and Azul would only meet during lunchtime.

Despite the tone he used, M/C could sense that Vil was more antsy about missing his photoshoot -made more evident by the slight twitch at the mention of potentially missing the event. She agreed with a bright smile; choosing to ignore Vil’s comment about grass sticking to her and her ‘odor’ when she turned to leave.

Finally, she made it to Ramshackle and  rid herself of the stray remnants of debris before she freshened up. Grim, who finally awoke, all but rushed her from the home before she could rest – determined to beat Ace and Deuce to breakfast.

But as luck would have it, M/C could not make it to the Dining Hall before she was stopped by a rather, frazzled Ruggie, who all but shoved a bag of food onto her. He left rushed orders to take it to Leona as he was asked to help restock the lounge before classes. He ran off before she could refuse.

Grim happily skipped to the dining room, telling her not to waste time since he wasn’t going to save her any of the food. However, before she could rush off – Grim yelled back at her to pick up some tuna for him at Sam’s since she was going out of the main building anyway.

She only nodded, ignoring the hollowed feeling in her stomach and the way it rumbled in protest.

M/C remembers being stopped before she could reach Leona, the botanical garden just in sight. That view had been blocked by the ever-looming, Leech Twins. Floyd grinned down at her and plucked the sandwich from her hands.

“Ah! Koechi-chan is so sweet!~ She brought food for us, Jade” Floyd cheered, ignoring her protests and pleas for him to give her the food back.

“Indeed she did, Floyd.” Jade chuckled, doing nothing to stop his twin, who began to eat the food in front of M/C. “And by the way, Prefect. Vil told us that you would be the one picking up his items later today.”

“Y-yes that’s right. At lunch time.” She clarified, her voice softer as she deflated. In retrospect, she still didn’t know what she could have said to Floyd to make him stop. So many girls on Magicam were adamant about how they maintain dominance over their own friends to avoid being stepped on but they always sounded cruel; Giving instructions to ‘clapback’, to insult them,  to physically hurt them or poke at their insecurities to make them listen. She didn’t want to snap at the twins, not only would it not do her any good but angering them isn’t what she wanted.

“Azul needs to push that time to this evening, at dinner. Vil suddenly requested twice the amount and thus more payment is required.” M/C remembered the chill that ran down her spine as the Twins seemed to loom over her even more.

“P-Payment? But I don’t-“

“Rook is handling the payment but,in the even he doesn’t, please he prepared to pay any outstanding fees.”

The Twins ignored her pleas for clarification, with Floyd only turning around to demand that she be present for his basketball practice later today.

M/C recounted how, after that, her day became a blur with random intervals of clarity when another request or demand was made of her.

Ace and Deuce asking her to handle their chores in Heartslabyul of feeding the Hedgehogs and Flamingos while they went to mandatory study hall with Professor Trein.

Trey caught her and asked for her to pick up some cream from Sam’s shop for him. She also picked up the tuna that Grim had asked for and the only thing she could afford to eat to replace the breakfast that she missed – a discounted egg salad sandwich.

A sandwich she could only eat half of, as the other half was given to Silver, who had missed breakfast looking for Malleus. He had not asked anything of her, she remembered, but the way he looked at her was odd to say the least. He was adament on her sitting down and finishing her half of a sandwich before leaving  but the appearance of Ortho, who asked for her to run an errand for Idia, pulled her away.

Her classes came and went, leaving her feeling isolated as usual. Professor Crewel, never one to shy away from a ‘training’ opportunity, chided her for using an incorrect about of Phoeniz wings in her potion. He only became agitated when she proceeded to answer his questions about the potion, a simple draught, completely wrong. Grim was of no help as even he didn’t know the answers, nor did Ace or Deuce by what they had said but Ace and Grim took great joy in laughing at her misery.

Normally, it wouldn’t have affect her but today, it hurt.

But she smiled anyway.

Lunch time came and, again, she was stopped before she entered the dining hall. Sebek  demanded her help in finding Malleus, who was not present at lunch. Again, Grim deserted her as Sebek grabbed her and dragged her along beside him and Silver to find Malleus.

Again, Silver regarded her in an odd way but he said nothing out of the ordinary towards her.

They never did find Malleus and Sebek took too yelling at her for being unable to be of any use in finding him.

“..Sorry, Sebek. I’ll try harder next time.” Was all she could say, while Silver chided him on being too harsh.

As they made it back to the main building, it was time for classes; She had missed lunch as well.

 ‘Perhaps that’s why I was so dizzy.’ She thought to herself, managing to prop herself onto her elbows. The floor beneath her moved and rippled, similar to the waves in the great oceans back in her homeworld. ‘Correction, why I AM so dizzy…’

Her mind again wandered back to her day after lunch time; Where her day only worsened.

Without any proper food in her, there was no way that she could stay awake with Professor Trein’s class. Lucius quickly spotted her and alerted Trein, before Deuce could fully wake her up.

“Do you believe yourself too smart to pay attention within my class, Miss M/C.” He sneered, a glare firmly on his face as he gazed down at her.

“N-No, sir. I’m sorry, Professor! It wasn’t-“

“Silence.” His voice was firm as harsh, caushing her to flinch and shrink in her seat. “There will be no talking back to me of any kind. I had high expectations of you, Miss M/C and yet you have a complete lack of manners. As punishment, you will write me a paper explaining the important of Magical History, no less than 10 pages. If it is not on my desk first thing in the morning, then expect a harsher punishment. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes, sir.” She mumbled, her head bowed in submission. M/C could remined the feeling of the heat behind her eyes; How hard it was to hold back tears in that moment.

She hadn’t expected kindness from Professor Trein but it seemed no one was recognizing that she was doing the absolute best that she could do with the circumstances that she was in.

She was blunt and sarcastic at times, yes, but she can’t think of anyone who can hold their tongue constantly. Yet when she seemed to speak, unless it was humorous in nature or her agreeing with those around her- she went unheard. But if she pressed and asked for help, who would drop their things to come to her aid?

Those thoughts plagued her for the rest of the day;

Even as Floyd threatened and scolded her for missing basketball practice, where she was supposed to stock the ice water and the cool towels for him,  even though Epel asked her to pick up some old weights from Ruggie.

Even when Ruggie scolded her for not delivering Leona’s sandwich, calling her a thief for eating the sandwich when she reassured him that she didn’t and that Floyd had taken it.

Even when Ace and Deuce whined and complained about letting them down for not feeding the animals properly, when she couldn’t do it properly as they never explained all of the rules to her.

Even when Azul asked, demanded, that she find a specific book for him within the dark recesses of the library before closing as Vil’s additional fee– the thoughts never left her.

In truth, she was merely an anomaly in this world; An irregularity that didn’t belong, didn’t have a place within this magic, twisted world that she found herself in. She was without even the most basic magic to help her through her day to day life as the other had. M/C didn’t know even the most basic of terms within classes that would help her – shown by her struggling grades and performance.

She wouldn’t last outside of NRC, even Crowley had alluded to that. She had no birth certificate, no I.D. on her person, and no family of which to speak of.

Who would risk their own education and future to help someone who wouldn’t be able to do anything on their own anyway?

Even Grim, the other half to her ‘whole student’ was beginning to separate from her as his magic was matured and refined.

But that was why she smiled, was it? She smiled because she liked being needed, feeling as if she had a place in a world where she had none. Even if it ended with her being overworked, sleep-deprived and feeling so hollow – she was needed. A little suffering was nothing.

If her friends would excel in the world around her, wouldn’t that be worth it all? They shouldn’t have to suffer and fail in their classes just because a useless anomaly couldn’t handle the most basic of things.

‘It’s fine.’ She thought to herself, finally pushing herself to her knees. She winced, her movements letting her know just how bad her fall had truly been; Her chest hurt and ached with every beat of her heart, her right leg, the one which hit the ground first, was pulsing and red hot and all over – it felt as if fire ants were stinging her.

“It’s..fine.” She mumbled to herself, reaching with shaking hands to begin the task of stacking the books that she knocked over.

“No, it is not.” Came a hardened voice from behind her.

M/C tensed, her eyes widening as she registered the voice as Professor Trein. As she straightened her back quickly, aiming to turn to look at her professor, the room began to spin once more. Sound all around her became muffled as it felt as though her entire was was submerged underwater.

 “ -s M/C. Are your manners that abhorrent that you cannot even turn to face when when I speak to y-.” Professor Trien fumed but his voice faded away despite how hard she attempted to focus on it.

“P-Professor…” She whimpered, curling into herself to try to stop the sensations around her; But they never ceased, even as she felt something wet run down her face - a pain beginning to bloom upon her head as she focused on the wet feeling.

And it all went dark.

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

[ohtobeleah]

The depth of character development you portrayed between Bucky and the reader in Unlikely Savours is 10/10

Bucharest // Unlikely Savours 

Unlikely Savours Masterlist

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: You played a major part in Bucky’s Bucharest takedown. But Bucky swore he’d never say thank-you to you.

Warnings: Mental health issues. Mentally unstable ideologies. 

Bro. I can't even begin to explain how far you both have come and how far you will go. Like you definitely have to remember when Bucky first met you he was still very much the Winter Soldier and you were still very much tethering on the edge of just giving up in general. But the second time you came into contact with Bucky, things were a little different.

I’ve had this concept floating around in my head for a while now and for some reason, I just couldn't make it work into any of the other concepts or the main Two Parts so ill just give it to you now.

Remember when Steve finds Bucky hiding in Bucharest? Yeah, you were there too. Of course always by Steve's side. He’d technically forced you to clean up your own mess with all things considered. Being the one who let Bucky Barnes slip away after he’d come to seek out some sort of closure at the hospital after having shot you. Steve's way of helping you heal by keeping you busy. Avoiding the elephant in the room that you were chronically and undeniably mentally unstable in every aspect of the situation.

“Head up Cap, Barton, Special German forces approaching from the south.” you heard Sam loud and clear in your earpiece. Your gun drawn high as you looked around the apartment, Steve was preoccupied with a small book with sticky tabs atop the fridge. Flipping through the pages slowly that told a story of important facts and potential people Bucky could trust. Steve's name written in chicken scratch writing alongside a photo. Bucky didn't know your name, but he knew enough to know your eyes seemed to break through a wall, you helped the fog fade and for that? Bucky had written something he knew you by. “The Hawkeye?” A small question mark next to the word trust.

“Understood,” you responded, turning to see Bucky standing before you. Scared. Alone. On edge. “Steve–” you gained Steve's attention as he turned. Noticing Bucky.

“Do you know me?” Steve asked, his voice low as he held his shield to his side. Breaking the overbearing silence that filled the room.

“You’re Steve, I read about you in a museum,” Bucky responded, his voice husky like he didn't use it very much. “I remember you from the hospital.” Bucky turned to you, your guard up and walls as tall as they had ever been. “You let me run.”

“I shouldn't have.” you shook your head softly, keeping your guard up. You'd done your research enough to know Bucky may not hurt you, but that didn't erase the scars and total destruction he’d caused when he fired a shot straight through your stomach. The memory playing like an old cassette tape on repeat in your mind as you watched Steve’s six.

“They’ve set the perimeter–” Sam's voice echoed.

“I know you're nervous, and you have plenty of reasons to be,” Steve explained as you focused on the rise and fall of Bucky's chest, his anxieties high. “But you’re lying, you know me.”

“I wasn't in Vienna, I don't do that anymore,” Bucky explained, trying to defend himself. Like he was trying to make you believe him, as if you thought he was the one who’d blown up the UN.

“They’re entering the building.” Sam interrupted. Giving you vital details.

“Well, we know that, but the people who think you did are coming here now, and they aren't planning on taking you alive.” you were stern with Bucky. “As much as I've enjoyed the reunion, I don't think staying here for a second longer wouldn't be beneficial to any of us, Sergeant Barnes.” Bucky hadn't heard that in what felt like decades. He’d wondered where your arrows were? He’d remembered you, guns were not your choice tactic.

“That's smart, good strategy.” Bucky pressed his lips together, nodding softly to himself.  “How’d you find me?”

“Barton, she’s been looking for you for a while now.” Steve gestured to you as you lowered your weapon. “She’ll help protect you, keep you safe.” Steve gave you credit where credit was due. “Come with us Buck and Jo will make sure nothing happens to you while we figure everything out.” Bucky let his eyes ligure on you, watching you lower your weapon. Slowly, allowing your own insecurities to match his. Could you trust one another?

“Unfortunately I don't get the option to let you walk away again, hiding isn't the way to handle this and I worked my ass off to track you down so just work with me here, don't make this harder than it has to be.” you pleaded strongly, your shoulders proud even though you had little to no fight left inside you. Your light faded.

“An Unlikely Savour, all things considered.” Bucky smirked, knowing that close range must have done serious damage. It was something that would eventually land you on Bucky's list of people to make amends with.

“An unlikely savours damn right Barnes, you've got every level of federal and state forces looking for you, wanting to bring you in for crimes against humanity. Are you really going to try and fight your way out of this one?

“They’re on the roof, I'm compromised,” Sam announced as you drew your weapon once again, watching Bucky walk slowly.

“This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck.” Steve pleaded. All Bucky did was sigh. “Please–”

“It always ends in a fight,” Bucky responded, knowing exactly how this was about to go down.

“You pulled me from the river, why?’ Steve asked harshly. You couldn't help but to frown at Steve, this wasn't the time to get personal. Things were escalating too quickly for your liking. You could hear heavy footsteps coming from the floor above.

“I don't know.” Bucky hissed, gritting his teeth. He’d pulled Steve from the river because you’d been the one who cleared the fog once before. There was just an ounce of hope inside Bucky that maybe you could do it again if Steve needed you again.

“Yes you do, James.” the way you said his name distracted Bucky momentarily. No one had called him that, not for so long. It humanised him. Even if it was just for a split second. Enough so that he didn't see the explosive smash through the window. Rushing to push him to the ground. Working to protect Bucky as a hail of bullets flew around the room. The nearby mattress was a good enough shield as Bucky pushed you off him to return the favour. His eyes met yours sharing the same pained look. Flipping the table over to jam against the door as soldiers came through the windows in droves.

“Steve!” you shouted as you stood, fighting off the armed soldier as he fired through the roof, holding his gun away from you, headbutting him before he fell to the ground. “Bucky!” you called out as you kicked out the legs of the next soldier. Watching as Bucky had your back instinctively. Working in tandem to bring him down. You didn't hesitate in the moment to reach out and grab Bucky's wrist harshly, stopping him from getting any further away.

“Bucky stop! You’re gonna kill someone!” You hissed. Bucky saw red for a split second as he flung you to the ground like a rag doll. Your back slammed harshly against the wood panels before rolling slightly to the side, his fist going directly through. Meeting your eyes once again. He recognised something inside you that he himself experienced. A desperation to feel nothingness.

“I'm not gonna kill anyone.” Bucky hissed softly. So that you only heard. “Not even you.” Bucky gripped the bag full of important things. His back up book full of facts he knew about himself, who he was, about steve. About you. The colour he remembered your eyes were, the smell of your hair. The daffodil yellow nail polish that you'd worn when he’d emerged from fog-covered eyes to see the life drain from you before making a run for it.

You rushed after him. Trailing his every move down the stairwell as soldiers came at you, bucky seemingly mowed them down unphased. His guard up as he fought his way out with you and Steve on his tail. Bucky had thrown one of the men over the railing, you'd caught him just before he fell too far. Turning to Bucky with an annoyance plastered as clear as day on your face Bucky smirked.

“C’mon man.”

“Let me go.” Bucky pleaded with you as you fired over his shoulder. Your eyes met his because you weren't sure why you were protecting him and Bucky wasn't sure why you would even bother in the first place.

“Not this time Barnes.” You groaned, watching as Bucky jumped down to the next flight of stairs. Sighing because you hated this. Steve always dragged you back in. He couldn't help himself.

It went on like that for a while, somehow you all managed to make it out onto the busy streets. Rushing through busy streets full of cars and pedestrians. Another interested party joined the chase after Bucky. But when it all came to a standstill, Steve stood off to the side as he watched you defend Bucky with your whole being. Completely and utterly shocked at the sight playing out before him. You'd tackled who turned out to be T’chaka off Bucky. Having pinned him to the ground. Fumbling as you stood.

“Stop! Wait wait, he didn't do it!” you shouted. Your hand out towards T’chaka, pressing against his chest as you stood between the two men. “He was framed. It wasn't Bucky.” you shouted in such a panic as the man in the panther-like suit stood tall. You didn't scare him. “If you want him you’ll have to go through me and believe me I'll enjoy that a lot more than you think, so I dare you to reconsider your next move.” Bucky swore that sounded more like an invitation than a threat. Watching as you stood before him, panting like you couldn't breathe but still standing tall with enough strength to take on an enrier army with the right motivation.

“Stand down, now!” you hadn't even noticed Rhodes' presence until he spoke. Still standing between the two men. Throwing yourself in front of Bucky like his life mattered more than your own. “Congratulations Cap, Barton, you’re criminals.”

“Eat me.” you hissed. Dropping to your knees as armed forces rushed the four of you. You could see them leading Sam over towards you from the corner of your eyes. Bucky being forced to lie on his stomach beside you. hands behind your head respectively.

“Why didn't you just let me go?” bucky asked as he had his head pressed into the concrete beside you. Watching as you winced at the pressure being used to restrain you.

“Because I'm sure most people would believe the world would be a better place without you in it, but Steve seems to disagree which means I disagree too.”

Bucky vividly remembered Bucharest. And he hoped deep down you did too. You hadn't even noticed the pink envelope on the kitchen counter when you first got home. The groceries you had to unpack were a much pressing matter. But when your eyes fell on the chicken scratched “Jo” on the envelope, you couldn't help the smile that beamed so bringt it hurt.

“Jo,

Thanks for Bucharest,

Happy Valentines Day,

James.”

It was the most simplistic of expressions of love. But it spoke volumes. You knew what Bucky was referring to. The simple fact he remembered proved just how far he’d come. He was thankful, for absolutely everything. Even if you needed Bucky just as much as he needed you. You friendship was the most important thing, but fuck. You really did love him with whatever was left of your broken heart. Not wasting a moment, you grabbed your jumper and made a dash to Bucky's apartment. Hoping, no, praying, he’d be home and praying you hadn't read too deep into the simple gesture.

“Jo? Hey woah?  you good? what’s–” you’d run the whole way. All those runs through the park with Bucky had really paid off. He’d pretend to struggle, keep pace with you but you knew if he wanted to he could throttle you in any race. But despite that, you were still out of breath. Your heart was beating so violently in your chest but you couldn't tell if that was because cardio possibly wasn't your greatest strength or if it was the fact your lips were moulding with Buckys so perfectly it felt like the entire world stopped to witness the moment. Wrapping your arms around Bucky's neck you held him close as he held your hips tender. Pulling away for a moment, too afraid to open your eyes. Bucky held you close, too afraid to fall victim to the idea that if he let you go this couldn't be a figment of his imagination. That he was dreaming like he had done so many nights before. Wet dreams and fictitious memories of being able to love you tenderly slowly replacing nightmares. Night by night, day by day, moment by moment, you slowly but surely consumed Bucky Barnes completely. He wasn't complaining though. No, never.

“I'm still not ready to say it, but you mean everything to me.” you bit your bottom lip cautiously hoping Bucky knew what you meant. He did, because he wasn't sure if he was capable of ever being able to say it either. “You said you’d never say thank you, I remember that.”

“Everything you’ve ever done for me I couldn't be more thankful for if I tried to be.” Bucky kissed your forehead softly before he gently guided your chin up towards him. Opening your eyes you saw his blushed cheeks. “You’re a pain in my ass but–” you couldn't help but to chuckle. Bucky just brushed the pad of his thumb gently across your bottom lip. “You’ve always been there for me.”

“You’re the one to talk! you–” Bucky cut you off before you could give him a list in alphabetical order as to why he was a bigger pain in your ass then you ever were to him. His lips pressed so perfectly to yours it knocked the wind right out of you. Chasing your tongue as his hands moved slowly to cup your cheeks tenderly, vibranium cool to the touch, sending goosebumps down the side of your arm.

“I'm not ready to say it either.” Bucky whispered against your lips as he let his forehead rest against yours. His thumb rubbing against your cheek. “But I feel it, God Jo you’re all I've ever wanted.” the memory played like a bad taste in his mouth:

“Remember Barnes, I was the one who found you!” you hissed at Bucky. The tears that fell freely down your cheeks looked as if they strung like acid. Bucky couldn't help but to wonder what had happened in your lifetime to have you so twisted. So broken like him. Bucky's head throbbed, the taste of iron on his lips from the blood that gushed from his nose. His arm was still stuck between the vice grip. He deserved what you gave him, perhaps he didn't have to be so harsh, but he could sense that you didn't appreciate being coddled. “Not Steve, Not Sam, Me. I'm the one that tracked your homicidal ass down, me.” Bucky swore your teeth were about to shatter into a million pieces, Steve and Sam having left you to watch over him while they thought of an escape route. “Without me? Steve would never have had the chance to save you, to rescue his long lost best friend who's so unbelievably ungrateful for all the efforts he’s gone through to protect you!!!” you shouted. Peaking Sam's interest from the hallway adjacent. Getting right up into Bucky's face as he sat before you. Trapped. “I'm your unlikely saviour, James.” you taunted him with his own name. Bucky craved the way you said his name. “Fuck you, and I don't say that because of what you've been forced to do under the influence of others. I say that to you, Bucky. Fuck you.” you turned on your heels, wiping your tears away as you marched yourself out of the room.

“I hope you don't expect me to thank you for that.” Bucky groaned, spitting a pool of blood to the ground. “For saving me?” Looking up at your through sweat covered strains of dark hair. “Because I never will.” Bucky had had a plan that day in Bucharest, if you and Steve hadn't shown up to his derelict apartment. Bucky wouldn't be alive, point-blank. He'd had enough of the running, the unknown, the pain. He’d just wanted it to be over. Much like what he saw in you he had grown tired of fighting when it seemed as if no one fought for him.

Until you.

“Jo if I'm gonna be honest with you.” Bucky paused for a moment, drinking in your beauty. “I'm scared, I'm scared to move, to breathe, to be around you because I can't lose you” Bucky admitted as he kissed your forehead. “I can't lose you as my best friend, I won't survive that and I've survived a lot. But that's just, that would be it for me.”

“I'm not going anywhere,” you reassured Bucky. “I won't do that to you.” Bucky could see the tears welling in your eyes. “I know what it's like to lose somebody, every candle, every prayer, they don't make up for the fact that the only thing that you have left is a hole in your life where that someone you cared about used to be.” you were holding back your tears as Bucky held you close. His eyes wandered every inch of your face. “I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy and I certainly won't be your hole.'' Bucky knew then and there he was ready to spend the rest of his life with you. But He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. He wasn't ready to openly admit such a vulnerability, even to you. His best friend. The love of his life. The only person to ever truly challenge him, pushed him to be a better version of himself each and every day. He wished his mum could have met you, the woman who stole his heart. The fire in your soul that burned bright in every room. Despite your demons. He wished more than anything Steve could see how far you’d come. How far he’d come. From being at each other's throats, to friends, to soul mates. Inseparable. Bucky couldn't think of the words to express his thankfulness. Simply choosing to kiss your lips once more before saying the one thing you swore you’d never hear in a million years.

“You saved me in Bucharest, Thank you.”

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E129 (March 16, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are Matt Mercer and Taliesin Jaffe!

Matt, on DMing Luc’s Revivify: “That was weird. It’s one thing when it happens because of player action and circumstances and the choices they make. When it’s entirely on me, unintentional, and just realizing different chess pieces you’ve set up, that’s rough.” It was especially rough since this was a child NPC related to a PC. “I was hoping somebody had a spell slot left.” He kept in mind that there are two clerics in the room and that they could resurrect the next day even if the Revivify went poorly. “A good chance, since it’s his first time. Okay, okay, okay, okay, I think we’ll be okay, we’ll see how this goes. It was really stressful in the moment! I did not set out to have that happen, but when I realized what was going to happen, I tried to see it through.” He wouldn’t have prevented a chance to bring him back. “There may have been an offshoot short-run series of games to find a way to bring him back. I would have found some way to correct the circumstance so the players could feel good about moving forward with the story and there was no undue punishment beyond their control.”

Taliesin on Cad’s response: “This is a big thing if you’re a cleric. It was very much coming in like an EMT. Everything should be fine... hopefully. Just focused in and got it done. The minute things started to go south it was like, okay, that’s the next problem.”

On Yeza’s feelings: “It is a very complicated situation. I think he, much like how Veth is trying to figure out what it is that she wants, I think he’s trying to help her find that while also figuring it out for himself. I think Yeza’s also noticing that because Veth’s the more active of the two of them she also takes the weight of the responsibility and the blame for things when they go wrong, unnecessarily. Especially when he himself acknowledges that he’s partially at fault for even dragging everyone in with the Conclave. As much as he’s appreciative for them coming back for him, there’s a lot of back and forth. He’s filled with a lot of regret, too, but he’s very much trying to convince Veth that it’s a burden that she doesn’t have to keep to herself, that they can share it and work through it together.” Matt mentions that, as an actor, he really loves exploring interactions between characters first and foremost. “Especially when you don’t know where it’s going to go.” He also praises Sam as a scene partner - “I really cherish that.”

How does Caduceus feel about Revivify and Speak with Dead? “Speak with Dead is an interesting middle ground, because he knows that it’s not actually speaking with the dead. It’s really just-- it’s almost medical, really. This is just reactivating a brain at a certain point. It’s practically just a muscle twitch at this point. That doesn’t really prod him in that direction. Revivify is interesting, because it had never really come up. At first I thought of it as bending the rules, but it’s not bending the rules. You knock over a plant, you replant it, you don’t stare at it and go ‘Well, that’s over.’ This is just doing the work. No, we can bring this thing back to health. This is all part of the circle of life, that sometimes we can save something. Especially given the stress that he’s put himself through over the past year of being with these people. He’s started to think of himself a bit as a battlefield medic, and triage is just part of the deal, and it’s completely acceptable.”

Did Trent really just want to talk? “Yeah, that circumstance, as it came together, Trent would never have arrived if there wasn’t an indication that there was some kind of infiltration or attack. Even beyond that, it was Jester breaking the concentration on her charm on that one guard when she created her duplicate.” The guards’ job is to inform a member of the Cerberus Assembly, and Trent lived the closest. “He didn’t know who it was, didn’t have any expectation necessarily. The minute he saw the illusion, he knew a powerful magic user was involved.” Seeing Caleb was an unexpected surprise. “I don’t think he wanted to throw down necessarily. He was more interested in figuring out exactly what the nature of this was.” Matt had multiple battlemaps that didn’t get used. “They managed to cleverly out-maneuver him in his surprise of seeing them.” The Nein rocketed up his priority list after that very quickly. Taliesin: “We’re so fucked.”

On Cad being “Uncle Caduceus” to Luc: “It’s the thing he misses most about home, is being a juvenile shit. It’s nice to be able to express that part of him again, as opposed to the serious, life-threatening, constant intensity. I’m very at home just being a little difficult.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Beau! (_rumor_king, photography by kourtyardproductions on Instagram)

On Marion: “Like a lot of people in this whole narrative from the beginning, getting swept up in things larger than her and trying to adapt. This is a circumstance she’s avoided for a long time. She’s having a rough time in some ways, but simultaneously, she’s enduring. Like a mother would. She’s adapting, she’s making it work. Without much of a choice, you just kind of do the best you can and lean on the people around you to help you where they can. Luckily she has a daughter there. She’s probably surprising herself at how well she’s doing given the circumstances.” Matt talks about how weird it is to feel proud of character he’s created. “Of the many things Marion is incredible at, she’s a studier of the human condition. She’s seen and heard the stories of so many. That gives her a very special perspective. She can see elements of that fractured individual within Caleb, and knowing the good that he’s brought to his friends, and knowing he’s possibly saved her life from bad circumstances, she couldn’t not speak up. She very easily falls into that role of maternal comforter, because it’s one of the many things she’s really good at, she enjoys it, and she can see well when people need it.” He’s been enjoying having Marion along for this (despite the difficult circumstances) because he was always a little sad that they only got to see her for short periods of time.

On the Blooming Grove’s safety: “He’s afraid that it’s a premonition. He’s not pinned it down, but he’s happy to let his imagination wander. He at the very least feels like there’s a reason he’s having these thoughts, and that there’s a reason to go there. He’s a big believer that these things don’t just happen. He’s more likely to think that there’s a good reason to go versus a danger to go. He’s had a couple of ominous warnings lately, and he’s not used to them and not a fan. He’s more likely to read something like that as, there is something there waiting for you that you have to discover. There is something that is going to be helpful to you, even if it hurts.”

On Astrid: “While maybe not as readable in overall personality as Trent is, I still want to be careful to not discuss things that are still being discussed within the game and tossed around as possibilities. Astrid is another complicated character, as anyone would be who’s been through the life she has. I can’t say too much. I can say she’s definitely legitimately happy to see Bren/Caleb after all this time.” His reemergence definitely caught her off guard. “We’ll have to see where it goes from there.”

On Cad’s successful Divine Intervention: “He’s definitely hit the ‘on a mission from god’ stage. He’s been that way for the entire campaign of, this, this is what I’ve been waiting for. Even when it sucks a lot, it’s been nice that those things have popped up to remind him, no, no, you’re doing it right, everything’s good. Probably not going to survive the next week, but you’re doing good! Not quite 1 in a 100 chance, but I forget so often to make that roll, and it’s such a great roleplaying roll. I don’t know how at level 20 you could deal with the fact that you can do that every day.” 

On Zeenoth getting his comeuppance: the kidnapping was a concept Marisha brought up for Beau’s backstory, and Matt went with it even though it was opposed to the Cobalt Soul’s philosophy because he knew rooting it out would make for an interesting story. “I felt it was an important beat to bring to her, because it was something that she was wronged by. And to show that there are still some good people out there who are trying to make things right.” After the tentative peace, dealing with this became Dairon’s next focus. “I was glad we finally got to it. So many people don’t have the opportunity in their lives to get that sort of justice and vindication, so if I can bring elements of that justice into our world, even for our own hope, I’m going to do that. Especially for my wife’s character, especially for a character that deserves that.” Taliesin points out that if it had come too early, Beau wouldn’t have believed it.

Cad’s thoughts on the Tomb Taker betrayal? “He knew it was gonna come at some point. There was no way that was gonna last. He was hoping it was gonna last a little longer. He was really hoping they had a vested interest in getting them all the way to the end. Nope, this is apparently as far as we go, and he was not prepared for that.” He was expecting the potential for de-escalation. “Caduceus is the only character in there that doesn’t have a history with Lucien. I think he sees him a little more clearly than everybody else does. They’re all looking for this person that Clay, at least, is of the opinion that he’s just not there. This is a very manipulative, very dangerous infernal human. Just smarter than all of them. Really aware that there is no calculating what the hell is going to happen. Conversation is the only way you can deal with someone like that.”

Fan Art of the Week: An amazing Caleb closeup! (rynn_birb on Twitter)

Taliesin on Lucien: “I’m excited he’s the one that’s going to kill us all. Poetic that this is how the game ends.” Matt was delighted when Taliesin handed him carte blanche to do what he wanted with Molly’s past. “I was like ‘shit... oh, wait!’ The character of Lucien was always intended to be an antagonist so that it would have been Molly being chased by the person who wanted their body back. But then it happened that he got his body back.” Taliesin: “He’s so much worse than I ever hoped.”

Matt, on the Holy Avenger: “I hadn’t thought to initially even give that sword.” The good roll was the only reason Kima handed that over. “Well, sure, you get the sword. It was very reactionary, it wasn’t my intent originally. I was like, well, I mean, there’s two avenues she can take with this.” Multiclass into Paladin, or lean into the fact that her subclass is essentially a barbarian paladin. “This really works out in a uniquely beautiful way. Let me see if I can lay out a path for her to earn it.”

On Cad’s attempt at lying blowing up in his face: “He was like that kid that had a really bad day in high school and was like, you know what? I’m going to let loose. This is it. I’m gonna dye a streak in my hair. And then tries to give himself a haircut and ends up with half bangs. Well, okay, obviously I’m not that person. I was feeling a little distraught and I didn’t handle it well. Maybe I’m going dark... no, I’m not going dark. Nope.” Matt mentions how much he relates to Caduceus.

Matt, on the Eyes: “What can I tell you? I’m enjoying the hell out of it. The moment they began to really push to read that book, I was like, okay, this is on you. I’m excited for the point in the narrative where the march continues back to Eiselcross. I am almost impatient - not really - because we’re on the cusp of getting to more of the meat. There’s so much to learn, so much to see, so much to explore. I love instilling my players with absolute terror.”

Thoughts on Jester’s Tarot reading? Taliesin cackles. “Molly made the cards, so. Did it to himself, he did, he did.” Matt: “Once again, another example of things working out unexpectedly and too perfectly for an improvised moment. Fuck.” Taliesin: “Bless the wisdom of chaos.” Matt: “I love that even at this point in the campaign, Molly continues to fuck with people. I’m just so proud. That deeply shook Lucien, for reasons.” Taliesin: “It’s the everlasting gobstopper smoke bomb.”

[colorsunimaginable]

the spare // chapter thirty-six // death eater! tom hiddleston x plus size ofc - voldemort wins au

story summary:  While on a mission to avenge the death of her best friend, Ilvermorny graduate Melisa Alder finds herself in the middle of the fight to defeat Voldemort. Upon capture after the Dark Lord's triumph, she's being sold at an auction with other muggle borns and blood traitors. Her only hope is also her only bidder - the tall, dark, and handsome Thomus Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy's younger half-brother. Is he just another Death Eater or is he hiding more than just his face beneath the mask? Will she realize her true potential to be one of the resistance's greatest weapons?

*a Voldemort Wins AU with Tom Hiddleston cast as an OC x a plus size protagonist* *takes place in The Auction universe by Lovesbitca8*

words for this chapter: 3.5k

warnings for this chapter: HEAVY WARNING FOR ANGST, STERILIZATION, AND VIOLENCE AGAINST POV CHARACTER

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Chapter Thirty-Six:

I’ve felt a lot of pain in my life. I’m not talking about cuts or bruises, getting stabbed, getting Crucio’d, or carved into with a goddamn steak knife. I’m talking about the other kind of pain. I thought that after losing Sam, nothing could be worse than that.

But the universe just loves proving me wrong, doesn’t it?

The moon is really bright tonight, casting enough light for me to quickly find the rocky shore. When I had early tried this morning, there’d been nothing. I hold my hand out towards the stick just under the water’s surface.

I close my eyes, my head tilting back, trying to focus on how I’m feeling. The metaphorical knife in my chest is still digging around, making every breath a struggle. The adrenaline rush from the anger had quickly faded and I feel a fresh batch of tears pooling in my eyes. It still hurts so much that I have trouble feeling anything else, trouble concentrating on what I’m trying to do. I force myself to take deep calming breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

When I’m ready to try the levitation charm, I open my eyes and focus on it. Within seconds, the stick shoots out of the water, flying up so high it disappears in to the darkness and I can only hear rustling tree branches from above. I concentrate a little more and it falls back into sight. It hovers just above the water until I release it and let it sink.

I feel no relief or happiness at having my magic back and the only person I can blame is myself.

Not ready to go back inside, I sit on the ground. It’s cold and slightly damp, but I use a heating charm to make it bearable.

I hold out the palm of my hand and whisper, “Lumos.”

A white, misty ball of light forms from a pinhole to about the size of a golf ball. It hovers over my hand and as I move my palm around, my fingers play with its misty trails. I remember Professor Higgins always being fascinated by how wand-centered spells appeared when I casted them. This illumination spell was one for instance. Typically the light comes from the tip of a wand, but without it, it can just appear right in the palm of my hand.

When I grow tired of holding it, I toss it out onto the creek. It hovers right over the water, putting glimmering sparkles in its reflection.

As I watch it, the momentary numbness holding back my tears fades. My head falls into my hands and I let out a sob.

The saddest part about all of this is that I’m not even really mad at him. This is what I’d asked for and this had been my goal. Thomus made me no promises. He made it very clear that it would be meaningless for him.

And you know what? Sure, I can believe that. To him, it would be just two consenting adults having sex. A conclusion to weeks of tension and build up, ages of taking shots at his grip on his ‘control’. What’s that phrase? I’m just two holes and a mouth.

I think if it had been just that, just the two of us finally giving in, then maybe I’d be okay. I could go on and pretend that it was meaningless. Pretend that being vulnerable and close to him like that didn’t make me realize I more than just care about whether he lives or dies. I had enjoyed flirting with him, having meals with him, getting to know more about him. I would have been satisfied knowing that my first time was with someone I cared about. At the very least, I’d known he found me attractive.

But wow, did his admission pull the rug out from under me.

I pull the empty vial out from the hoodie pocket and stare at the label. He really needed a lust potion to fuck me? It’s just so confusing and hurtful because he lead me to believe that he liked my body. Did I imagine all the times he’d just stared at me? What about when he told me I was beautiful? Is what he said about proximity and isolation really true?

I sniffle and start crying again, utterly distraught. Everything that made me believe that maybe he wouldn’t be a bad option for my first time is a fucking lie now. He made me feel wanted and desired, and I’d been foolish enough to trust him. I trusted a fucking Death Eater. I’d been lured in during our conversations about ourselves. From the shit about his mom, Dobby, how he’d practically been groomed by Bellatrix and everyone around him had just let it happen. He’d seemed interested in me, too. How did anyone become such a good fucking liar?

What’s almost worse, is that my efforts have been for nothing. He doesn’t find me attractive. He only fucked me because of that stupid inspection happening in the morning. Now there’s going to be no way I can keep him home long enough to make a difference for the Order.

I’m just the world’s biggest idiot, and I only have myself to blame for wanting something from him that I could never have.

~*~

I stay out by the creek all night, doing some little bits of magic or other. I can’t sleep, even though I try, all curled up into a ball.

I go back to the cottage just when the light is starting to break, and find Thomus in the kitchen, staring into a freshly brewed cup of coffee. At my entrance, he looks up at me, a bit startled.

“Were you out there all night?” he demands, bracing his hands on the edge of the island counter.

My eyes are dry and tired and I have to narrow them in order to see him clearly. “You can stop pretending like you care,” I say, my voice scratchy and monotone. My throat hurts from all the crying I’d done.

He’s glaring at me, but he also looks tired. I wait for him to say something, but when he doesn’t, I start to go upstairs. Before I can leave, he holds out his hand. It’s the suppression potion.

I feel my shoulders sag when I let out a silent, frustrated sigh. I take the few steps to grab it from his hand, but instead of taking it, I grip it and his fingers tightly and look him in the face.

“What was all that talk about control for?” I ask. “What was the point if you didn’t actually find me attractive?”

His glare is sharp, his jaw grinds before he speaks. “I told you, the proximity and isolation had my rationality all fucked up.”

The curl of my mouth feels vindictive. “So did you know the whole time you didn’t actually want me or did it just take some post-nut clarity for you to realize that?”

Thomus sneers at me. “I told you that I shouldn’t have wanted you. I knew that it was wrong.” He leans closer, my grip on the vial and his fingers is so tight they’re starting to feel numb. “I knew I needed to fuck you out of my system and the lust potion ensured that I did.”

“So if I were to get all dolled up in your favorite fucking color in some skimpy little dress, you’d feel nothing?” My chest is starting to shake with hurt and I’d use Occlumency to get me through the rest of this conversation if I wasn’t so wrapped up in it.

He blinks, his expression calm, controlled, and cold. “Why would I feel anything looking at an ugly mudblood pig?”

I flinch at his words, immediately pulling my hand and the vial out of his grasp. My chest shudders with the effort to not start sobbing. I turn away from him, unstopping the vial and tipping it up into my mouth.

“Take the dress on the chair,” he says from behind me. I don’t look at him when I take the plain grey dress off the kitchen chair and put the vial on the table. I barely make it up to my room before I can’t hold back my tears anymore.

~*~

I take as long in the shower as I possibly can, trying desperately to cry myself out. Even after holding a cold washcloth to my face, my eyes remain red and puffy. I wait around in my towel long enough that my hair starts to dry before I even get dressed.

A few minutes before 7:30, I go downstairs, a little taken aback to see that all of the furniture had been removed. The carpet has deep grooves and marks, clear darkened pathways around where the furniture used to be. I stand in front of the bannister, my fingers fidgeting nervously in front of my stomach, and I wonder if Thomus will let me deep clean the carpet before he puts everything back.

Voices come from beyond the front door, and moments later, Thomus is entering with Dolohov and a young Healer. The room suddenly feels extremely small with four people in it, especially one as big and hulking as Dolohov.

As the Healer conjures an exam table, Dolohov takes in the room, disgust curling at his mouth. I move my focus to the fireplace, keeping everyone in my peripheral vision.

“Sure is a downgrade from the Manor, isn’t it, Malfoy?”

Thomus shrugs. “It’s a roof over my head and a kennel to keep the dog in, so I’m not going to complain.”

Dolohov snorts. “No collar and leash this time?”

“There’s no need,” Thomus replies, nonchalant. “I have her thoroughly house-trained.”

“Damn,” the other man dramatically sighs. “Was kinda hopin’ she’d hump my boot like a bitch in heat just so I could fuck her with it.”

My throat tightens like a vice and I’m gripped with fear. It’s been such a long time since I’d worried about my safety in Thomus’ presence. It’s definitely not a feeling I missed.

“It’s not as great as you would think,” Thomus says, his arms resting across his chest. “Besides, I don’t believe we’d have time for that. You have to visit my nephew this morning as well?”

“I volunteered to make sure that golden cunt is getting used instead of sitting on a pedestal,” Dolohov chuckles. “No offense to your precious nephew, of course.”

“Of course,” Thomus says placidly.

“All right, let’s get this over with,” Dolohov says. The Healer steps toward me, invading my sight of the fireplace, holding a hospital gown. “Don’t worry about that thing. What she’s wearing is fine. On the table mudblood.”

“What is it that you’re checking for again?” Thomus asks as I move to the table. I keep my gaze on the Healer’s pretty face, her eyes sympathetic and smile kind.

“Don’t bother talking to her. Their lots been silenced for these visits.”

“What for?”

“It’s their fault we have to do this at all. Not all the Lots were properly sterilized.”

The table is cold on my back, my hands ball into tight fists at my side. I try my best to reassure myself. Once they find out I’m one of those Lots, what’s the worst that can happen? They fully sterilize me? Being pregnant was always one of those things that viscerally terrified me. If the time ever came that I was ready to be a parent, the plan was always to adopt.

And I’m not a virgin anymore, so I have no idea what could possibly go wrong.

The Healer pulls out her wand and casts the Virginity Detection spell. A warm humming spreads across my body, starting at my head and toes, meeting in the center of my belly. It stops and nothing happens.

Without needing to be told, the Healer taps her wand on my left hip and a dim red light appears at the end of her wand. She does my other hip and the light turns green.

I take a deep breath and glance at Thomus. His impassive gaze is on me briefly before it darts to Dolohov.

“Well well well,” Dolohov smirks, turning to Thomus. “Now how come she’s not pregnant? If you’ve fucked her good and plenty like you’ve said?”

Thomus’ eyes bounce from me to Dolohov, clearly unsure of how to answer.

“Run a pregnancy cast, girl,” he orders the Healer. She waves her wand over my abdomen, the misty lights over it instantly turning red. I wanna smack the smug grin off of Dolohov’s face.

“Got any answers for me yet, Malfoy?”

Still, nothing comes out of Thomus.

My heart racing, I sit up, my feet dangling over the edge as I turn to look at them. They have a staring contest until I speak, then their eyes are on me.

“I’m on birth control,” I say simply.

Dolohov’s eyes narrow and he turns back to Thomus. “You’ve been giving her potions?”

“He didn’t know,” I say before he can speak. “It’s No-Maj birth control.” At Dolohov’s confused face, I clarify. “Muggle contraceptive. It’s a piece of plastic sitting in my uterus that prevents me from getting pregnant or having periods. It’s good for another four years still.”

My eyes widen when I realize I should not have fucking said that last part.

Dolohov knows it, too. “So it’s temporary,” he states, then smiles broadly. “So take it out.”

My eyebrows snap together. “Um,” I hesitate. “I can’t. I don’t have the right tools.”

He turns his eyes to the Healer, who quickly shakes her head and shrugs. She doesn’t know how to either.

“So there’s nothing to worry about?” Thomus asks, looking directly at me. My eyes meet his and I want to shrink and hide under his strangely intense gaze. I quickly look down and nod.

“Hold on, you’re just going to take her word for it?” Dolohov asks, clearly shocked.

“I feel as if my hands are tied, Dolohov,” Thomus says. “I have no reason to believe that what she says is a lie when the evidence –“

“Evidence doesn’t mean shit to his lordship,” Dolohov fires back. Thomus snaps his mouth shut. I notice Dolohov covertly pull out his wand. My eyes jump to Thomus, who doesn’t seem to have noticed. “The Dark Lord himself tasked me with ensuring all the mudbloods are properly sterilized.” He whips his cruel eyes to me, smirking again. “The Dark Lord requires a more permanent solution.”

As he raises his wand towards me, I only have time to stare at him in confusion before he says, “Accio –“

I’d imagine the closest real life experience I can compare this feeling to is like going into an MRI with a bunch of metal in your body. I’d imagine.

My IUD doesn’t hesitate to pull and tear and rip out of my uterus, slicing through anything that gets in its way. I don’t feel the pain at first. I think I scream just because of the shock. When I look down, my stomach is drenched with blood seeping from a tear under and just to the side of my belly button. I look up to see Dolohov’s smug sadistic grin and Thomus’ horrified expression.

I feel myself start to sway and the Healer braces me, helping me back down on the table. Then the shouting starts and I twist my head up to watch. Thomus has drawn his wand, pointed right at Dolohov.

Dolohov is faster, spitting out a jinx that Thomus has to dodge in the small room. He fires one back before turning his wand to the Healer.

“Heal her!” he yells. I can’t see what the Healer’s doing, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s torn between the two men. In between hexes and jinks, Dolohov is throwing threats at her. Thomus takes advantage of the distraction and stuns him. “I said fucking heal her!”

The Healer immediately starts working and I don’t have the strength to keep focus any more. The last thing I see is Thomus grabbing Dolohov by the collar and shouting at him. Something about damaging property, I think.

~*~

I wake up to the worst cramps of my life. They immediately make me toss and turn my body, anything to try to relieve the pain. Someone’s holding my hand, trying to prevent me from moving.

“Melisa, my dear, you can’t move just yet,” I don’t recognize her voice immediately. When I open my eyes, her pretty blond head comes into focus. It’s Narcissa. My vision must be hazy because I think I see tears in her eyes. I blink and toss my head, trying to figure out where the fuck I am.

The plush bed feels familiar, the scent unmistakably cedar and pine, but the windows are in the wrong place. I throw my head up, then back down when I see Thomus standing by the door, leaning against the wall.

“I need to get out of here,” I mutter breathlessly. I pull my hand out of Narcissa’s grasp and yank the comforter off of me. Somehow I get enough momentum to swing my legs over and push my body up. Quickly I’m on my feet, but need to brace a hand on the wall as I feel immediately light headed. Luckily I notice Thomus immediately jumps forward to help me, and I raise my hand up in time. My voice is harsher and stern. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

I can’t focus on anything right now other than the pain and getting back into my own bed. With deep breaths and one step at a time, I clamber to my room, bracing and leaning on anything I can in the bathroom along the way.

In my room, I rip the offending duvet off of the bed and onto the floor, along with any pillows I know he touched. Climbing into bed, I lie on the side that doesn’t hurt as much. Someone put me in a long nightgown and I’m forced to hike it up so I can move around without restriction.

I hazily open my eyes to see Narcissa coming into the room, Thomus a ghost on her heels.

“What’s the verdict Doctor Malfoy?” I ask.

She sits on the edge of the bed, taking my hand again and squeezing. As she looks down at me, her eyes are unmistakably sad.

“Oh my dear, I’m so sorry,” she whispers. Her sincerity and hesitancy cause tears to flood my own eyes. That and the fucking pain in my abdomen.

I look over to Thomus. “I could use some of those drops of yours. What was that spell? It started with an O… or was it an L?”

He doesn’t respond. I’m only seeing his face upside down, so I’m having a hard time reading him.

“Mippy is on her way with a special pain potion,” Narcissa says, bringing my eyes back to her.

“Good,” I choke out. “’Cause this fucking sucks.”

“What do you remember?” she asks.

“Mrs. Malfoy, I know what happened,” I tell her plainly. “Just tell me, do I have to pee into a bag for the rest of my life?”

She looks a little confused, but understands I’m going for levity. “No,” she says, patting my hand. “It didn’t hit your bladder at all.”

“Fantastic. I – “

“You can’t have kids, Melisa.” We both look up at Thomus. Well, I glance. His hands are in his pockets. I think I see blood on his pants. My blood? “It tore through your uterus and right through the other tube.”

For once, I don’t think he’s trying to tell me this because he’s trying to scare me or make me feel bad. He’s trying to rip off the band-aid.

“Thomus,” she chastises.

“She doesn’t need to be babied, Cissa.”

My free hand flaps lazily at Thomus. “No, no, she can baby me.” I’m suddenly overcome with the stress and fear and emotion of the day and I curl into where she sits on the bed. Her hand caresses my cheek and I feel her wiping at my tears. My lip trembles, my voice wavering pathetically. “I miss my mom.”

Narcissa leans down to place kisses on my temple as I cry, murmuring soothing words. She lets me cry until we hear pops in the room. I’m sniffling and hiccupping loudly when we look up. Thomus isn’t in the room anymore.

“Mippy has come with the pain potion for miss!” Mippy chirps. She’s holding several little potion bottles in her arms. Narcissa helps her put them on my bedside table, and prepares one for me. Excited by the prospect of feeling numb, I find the energy to push myself up enough to drink it.

Within moments, I’m sinking away into sleep.

Note: Starting with this chapter I will be using community labels, so please be advised. Everything will be linked to the masterlist.