#end of year reflection

[lizziestudieshistory]

2023 Reading Summary

I'm late...again... It's hardly a surprise. However, I've finally looked at my reading for 2023. The only stats I tracked this year was the genre, and even this was a simplified version because I decided I don't care. I spent most of my time this year recording what I thought about the books I read not the data surrounding them. And, if I'm honest, I don't think I'll even bother with the genre in 2024.

The Numbers

In total I read 84 books, which considering I've been working or training full time all year is surprising for me. On average I tend to read 60-70 books in a normal year, usually towards the lower end, so almost 20 books over that is a very pleasant surprise.

The biggest surprise has been my change in most read genre! I've only recorded 4 genres, classic, nonfiction, fantasy, and general fiction, these broke down to:

Classic 53%

Fantasy 31%

Nonfiction 12%

General fiction 4%

Fantasy is usually my top genre with over 50%, so this is a change (I don't think it will be permanent). However the largest shock is the nonfiction! I never read nonfiction for fun, but I guess this is a change from leaving university. I don't have to learn for work anymore, so I'm now looking into these things for fun as the mood takes me. I am disappointed these haven't been history books, however, I'm hoping to change that in 2024 and it has been nice learning more about literature in 2023.

Top Three Books

I tried to do a top 5 but the gap between 3 and 4 was too large, so I've narrowed it down to a top 3.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke

The Tombs of Atuan by Ursula K. Le Guin

Evelina by Fanny Burney

I loved all of these books in different ways, and I think I've done a mini review of each in the months I read them. However, if anyone wants detailed thoughts then I'm more than happy to talk about any of these books.

Biggest Surprises

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

Silas Marner by George Eliot

Goblin Market and Other Poems by Christina Rossetti

Fugitive Prince by Janny Wurts

All of these were excellent, they just weren't quite in my top three.

Most Disappointing

Witches: James I and the English Witch-Hunts by Tracy Borman

The Fitz and the Fool Trilogy by Robin Hobb (I DNFed this series after Fool's Quest and I'm heartbroken, but I have major issues with this trilogy in a way I couldn't keep reading as it was destroying my love for Fitz.)

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson (this is standing in for all of the secret project books)

Goals (Sort Of...)

To continue the surprises... I've only listened to 4 audiobooks, so most of those books were read physically or through an ebook. This is huge for me as I used to consume about a third of my books through audio, it's a massive improvement because I don't retain them very well. Listening to fewer audiobooks was a big part of my informal (in other words unwritten) reading goals and I'm very happy to have got it down this far. I do think it'll go up again next year because I've got a lengthy commute to work now, but I've also broken the habit of sitting at home listening when I could easily read the book myself and get more out of it.

I did as well with not worrying about numbers or data surrounding the books I'm reading. I deliberately retired my spreadsheet this year and only kept up with my reading journal. After a week or so I didn't miss it in the slightest. I'm not a hard data/stats kind of person, but I am easily persuaded to keep these sorts of records. I started keeping a spreadsheet in 2019 where I track genre, pages, author gender, and format in addition to the book information, by 2022 I was tracking book info, series, genre, format, author info (just too much to list), pages, month read, where I bought the book, if it was a tbr, new or library read, reread or new to me, and rating. It was too much! It was hard work, I was MISERABLE, and I didn't care. It was performing to the standards of what you see in the reading community online... So, I ditched the spreadsheet and I've been much happier. I've read better books because I haven't had my stats in mind, and I've read more. I had more time to actually read because I haven't been spending an inordinate amount of time researching books and entering data into a spreadsheet! I'm definitely making this a permanent change.

I've also used my ereader a lot more this year, I have no numbers to back this up but I've naturally been reaching for it regularly and it has done me good. I've not only read more frequently and for longer periods of time, but I've been more comfortable while reading (no more back, neck, or arm strain from 1000+ page fantasy tomes!) and I've tried books I was hesitant about buying physically because I could access a digital copy. I did have a massive problem with my ereader in November because my Kobo Libra 2 started to have battery changes that nothing resolved and then it died completely. Unfortunately I lost a lot of my reading data, including my notes, which has upset me. But I have saved my elibrary and bought a "new" device (it's a Boox Nova 3) so I can still read - I might discuss getting a Boox separately. However, I am much more cautious about note taking through a device and I'm sticking to recording everything in my physical journal.

This brings me nicely onto my reading journal. I wanted to overhaul my journal this year because my old journal format was growing stale and uninspiring to use. I was often leaving it for weeks at a time and often scrambling to write up 5 or 6 books in one go because I'd forgotten to do it as I was reading. So, I worked through several different styles of journal and found a new, more flexible, and engaging style that can fit my changing moods throughout the year. I'm definitely going to discuss this at a later date, so I won't say much here. But I am very happy to have a new journal system and I'm excited to get into it properly this year.

[sakarrie-creates]

2023 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Got an early start this year! I technically was shooting to get it done before the new year but I feel like I’m still within a reasonable window, so I’ll take it! Here’s my 2023 Writing Summary! Overall, I think I actually did okay! As usual, my rambly reflection stuff is under the cut. Happy 2024 people!

2023 Stats:

Fics Started: 12 Fics Fully Written: 12  Fics Posted: 5 New WIPs: 0 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 53,686 (55,598 if including fic outlines that haven’t been turned fic) Words Posted: 34,805 Fandoms Written For: 3 (+1 for Merlin FTH outline) Events: 4 (+3)

Posted Fics:

Supernatural (Gen): 2

When it Rains, it Pours (13,779): As part of Chuck's "reliving of his greatest hits," Sam starts having his painful visions again. He doesn’t want to believe it, but the nightmares keep coming true and now, he's beginning to worry it’s not just visions. During their last hunt, Sam could have sworn that the machete he was reaching for threw itself. Dean didn’t seem to notice anything but later that night, Sam finds a small trail of blood coming from his nose.

He needs to tell Dean—he knows that. But Dean’s been struggling a lot between Chuck and losing... well, most everyone. He's just barely beginning to bounce back, and Sam was his only constant right now. He’ll just have to keep a handle on it until they can take care of Chuck. Set around s15e4 Atomic Monsters. 

Whatever it Takes (1,875): Gadreel's possession of Sam has more serious side-effects than Dean ever imagined. Now, his brother is sick, hurting, and close to giving up. But Dean is determined to make this right. 

The Owl House (Gen and Implied/Background Ship - Huntlow): 2

What Doesn't Kill You (Gives You Trauma) (1,737): With the reconstruction of Hexside finally complete, a sense of normality has been restored. Fortunately, that includes Grom. Unfortunately one of their own has been declared King. Hunter doesn’t even know which fear he'll have to face. He certainly has enough painful memories for Grom to take its pick. With a bit of luck and support from his friends, though, he might just make it through the night.

Frenemies (1,737): Hunter gets a mysterious message telling him to meet them at the night market. He really should have realized Luz would be behind this. Or: Post-ASIAS, Luz doesn't like the idea of Hunter suddenly showing up at Hexside and almost kidnapping her friends.

Code Lyoko (Gen): 1

No One’s an Island (7,612): Yumi is tired. XANA's attacks have been relentless and it's wearing her down. Between school, home life, and Lyoko, she's not sure how much more she can handle. After all, there's only so much weight one person can take. Except, it's not just Yumi's burden to carry, and her friends are going to do whatever they can to remind her of that. 

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen (Fic), Player Appreciation Week (Art), Weird People MEP (Edit), Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), SPN Gencest Bang (Fic), Fandom Trumps Hate (Art/Fic), Mirage and Mischief Zine (Fic), and LOTS of zine apps (Fic, Art, Mod).

Best/worst title?

Best title: None of them super jump out at me, but Whatever it Takes and Between the Lines of Fear and Blame both come from songs where the song vibe/lyrics match the fic PERFECTLY. The latter is a bit long for my tastes, but it’s grown on me. What Doesn’t Kill You (Gives you Trauma) makes me chuckle too, but it’s got the same length issue as well as trying out a new style from my norm which I had mixed feelings on.

Worst title: Oof, well as usual, I didn’t particularly like most of my titles this year. I think Frenemies has to take the cake though. It started as a working title but then I got lazy and just left it when I posted. It feels so generic and not... aesthetic enough? Poetic enough? Literally no idea why it bothers me so much but it does.

General Questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I honestly can’t remember what I was expecting this year (and it’s tradition that I can’t look back at my goals ‘til I answer these questions, so it will remain unknown). I certainly hoped to be able to do more since last year was a fairly barren year creativity-wise, but I’ve also been quite aware for a while that being in school sucks out my soul makes it difficult to create. With that, I think I probably was in the ballpark of what I was expecting. I might have predicted it being more spread out, though, which is a rookie move considering that my classes are clustered haha. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I think I’d just barely gotten into TOH at the start of the year, so that wasn’t COMPLETELY unpredictable, but I did write some Huntlow (aka, romance) fics, which is abnormal for me! Additionally, I can’t remember if I discovered The Sentinel this year or last, but that definitely wasn’t expected. Just got the DVDs so I can finish watching the series! Oh, also writing Code Lyoko was a new experience (not counting my random 6th grade fanfiction I wrote in notebooks lol).

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I’m split quite a bit on this one. On one hand, I really like my Grom fic (so far) so I’m hoping that will continue to flow as I wrap it up. I also like my unposted fic about Willow dealing with Hunter’s near-death and Camila comforting her. Of those that are currently posted, though, I think I might go with No One is an Island. It was a lot of fun trying to figure out how to write Yumi and the other Code Lyoko characters, and considering the small size of the fandom, it was fairly well-received too!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Same as the last two years! Fragmentation’s views are hard to really predict since view counts have been down since September, but the total views has officially surpassed the overall word count at 21.4k views (vs 20.7k word count). Which is AMAZING. It’s always a bit wild to me to consider, but I’m so great people are enjoying my fic. Next is still The Problem With Good Intentions at 12.6k, which surprises me less now that I’ve seen just how alive and well the Once and Future Fandom is haha. From the fics I posted this year, it would be When it Rains, it Pours at 1.5k.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net never really got any traction, but I think I’m over it by now. As for more current underappreciated fic... I think I might actually go with When it Rains, it Pours again. Even though it had the most views, it’s a fairly long, multi-chap story and didn’t get many reviews in between chapters. That’s part of the challenge with bangs and posting dates, though, so nothing too shocking there.

Hardest story to write?

It’s really hard to say! I was struggling with burnout a lot during my zine app timeframes, but most of those fics haven’t been posted yet. It might be Whatever it Takes just cause I had such a hard time coming up with something that matched the prompts as well as my preferences. When it Rains, it Pours was also a challenge at times, but mostly in trying to find motivation to write anything.

Most overdue story?

It’s Only Natural is still very very overdue, but it’s not super popular (and is on FF.net), so it’s not one I’m stressed about. I think about A Long Ways Home a lot, though. I wanted to work on it recently, but unfortunately my writing energy needed to go towards FTH so that continued to be put off. People have left some very supportive comments on it recently, though, which I majorly appreciate!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

It hasn’t been a very writer-heavy year, which means less opportunities for writing risks. Writing for Code Lyoko was something of a risk in that I had no idea how it would turn out, but it wasn’t actually that adventurous. I also explored different types of grief in an unposted zine app piece, but I think in the end it turned out solid! My biggest risk was probably a different ficlet I wrote for a zine app. It was of young Eda and Grudgy, so both about characters I’m less invested in and in the sports genre, which is totally new for me. Unfortunately, that risk didn’t pay off. I actually felt pretty good about it, but when I sent it for feedback from a mod friend, they really didn’t like it. Everything’s subjective so it’s possible that it would still be enjoyable for some people, but suffice to say, I didn’t use it for any apps in the end.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Okie here we go! I think my goals were fairly reasonable last year if I remember correctly so I’m tentatively optimistic I’ll have some stuff to check off! 

Oof last year had a bunch of paragraphs of reflection here. I think I’m gonna focus more on bullets this year haha.

Goals from 2022:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December.

-A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen-At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days-Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics?-One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

Oof, okay so apparently I was not crazy inspired this year lol. To be fair, I did do a bit more exploration in art and lots more in merch, so it wasn’t a totally uncreative year. And I doubled my word count overall from last year! Plus I did apply to a LOT of zines this year... I just unfortunately didn’t get in to nearly any of them. Next time maybe though! I’m a pinch hitter for a couple so that’s something at least!

It’s also been a year with lots of burnout and anhedonia for me, so brainstorming has been completely unachievable for most of the year. It’s been sad and I feel a little bad for my poor friends who love to brainstorm with me, but thankfully they have other sources. I’m scared to say anything, but I’ve felt more recently like maybe some interest is returning, so I’m crossing my fingers that it will still be there by the time FTH/Mirage&Mischief stuff is finished and school starts.

I actually met my goals this year too! In fact, my stretch goal had 25k posted, which I doubled in total and surpassed in written too, which is really impressive for me! Not to mention, I finished EVERY SINGLE fic I wrote this year!! That’s WILD for me. To be honest, it’s probably more a sad reflection on how I was writing purely for external deadlines rather than myself, but hey! Still got them all done and wrote a lot of words. Overall, thank you last year Sakarrie for keeping things achievable cause I actually did meet/exceed my goals! 

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Well, I was a little relieved to find that I’d met them this year, so I think I’m going to try to keep things not too high again. Overall, though, I think I want to have a little more room for creative freedom in what I’m writing this year. For how little creative work I was doing, I did a TON of events, and at many times, those obligations stopped me from working on something I was feeling more inspired by. My fandom interests jumped all over this year (main focuses include: TOH, Merlin, Code Lyoko, The Sentinel, Dragon Prince, She-ra, Handplates (Undertale), and Centaurworld). Honorable mentions to Amphibia, SPN, and Miraculous Ladybug too... and that’s all just the stuff I’ve had long hyperfixations on this year. There’s tons of fandoms outside of those that also grabbed my attention on and off this year.)

Anyway, my hope is that I’ll be able to write similarly or more this year, but based on my own fickle inspiration, rather than only writing when I hate to for events. With that, I think I’m going to just stick with the Gencest Bang and zine obligations as the only writing events I’m planning on this year. I also hope to do Player Appreciation Week and Summergen again, but both of those could be art if needed. 

I also 100% failed in my comments goal from last year, but my mindset is slowly getting healthier I think. I do leave comments occasionally, but they still feel like way bigger deals than they should be. I’m getting better at letting old tabs go, though! I’m also fairly behind on responding to comments of my fics, but that one’s a lot more manageable.

Additionally, I want to have a pinned post on my tumblr page and ao3 profile page where people who are interested can see my current status on projects. I don’t expect it would be updated all the time, but it might help me keep track of everything.

Okay so! Goals for next year: -Have a solid zine portfolio -Make pinned update post -Post at least 4 stories -Embrace/follow the inspiration -Finish first draft A Long Ways Home -Gencest Bang -Summergen Exchange -Code:Swap -Player Appreciation Week -Apply to more zines

So, finally work counts goals are...

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school agAIN): 60k (at least 30k posted)

Ultimate 2021 Word Count Goal: 38k

[akotowaa]

End of the Last Three Years Review

Quick, before you do anything else, go listen to my new single, Heroes (ft. KiKie & Tommy WÁ). It’s my first solo release in 7 years, and I’ve struggled for those 7 years to just make it exist as a finished product, and it would mean so much to me, I promise you. Are you back? Okay, let’s begin. I noticed sometime in the later months of 2023 that for several weeks, or maybe months, or maybe…

[thoughtsbyfox]

Unfinished Journeys: A Look Back at Games I'm Leaving Incomplete in 2023

Check out my latest blog post on some of the games I just couldn't finish this year.

As the year comes to a close, it’s natural to reflect on the games that have captivated us, challenged our skills, and transported us to fantastical realms. 2023 in particular had an immense amount of successful (and not so much) new releases in which to dedicate countless hours. Eagerly, I awaited many of these games the same as everyone else — and while it appears some folks share in pieces of…

[randomwords247]

Another year passed and gone, can you believe it?

I always like to try and reflect on the year nearer the end like this. I had a lot of things I wanted to say in a video, but because of some irl problems this december I haven’t been able to finish it in time, so instead I’ll say a few things here

As much as this year has definitely had its fair share of downs, particularly in December where quite a lot has gone wrong irl for me, I still feel this year 2022, for me at least, has been a much better year than those in past. Yes it’s had it’s problems but it’s also had so many good things happen, and I’ve felt a lot happier than I have in past years.

I’m hoping this’ll keep up in the new year of 2023 and that things will be a lot better and I’ll have a lot more time and energy to draw more, because goodness this year I had a bit of a drought didn’t I? Don’t really wanna keep THAT up

I think overall this year was alright, and that in and of itself is an improvement over past years with how bad they’ve been for me. Ofc this is subjective and just my own experience, I’m sure for a lot of people 2022 sucked or was even better, but I think I’m content with how things have gone, even if december HAS been testing me in that regard

Have a good one folks, happy new year =)

[stuckinapril]

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

[bigolbard]

I wrote a whole bunch of words about a slightly less bunch of video games I really liked in 2023. I won't force you to read them, but it would be cool if you did :)

[kayespencer]

2023 Blogging Reflection 12/31/2023 #blogging #writing #endofyearreflection

image by Firmbee on Pixabay I challenged myself on January 1, 2023 to blog daily during 2023 as a strategy to get myself in the habit of writing every day as well as to prove to myself that I could stick with a daily writing schedule and see it through to an end goal. I’m proud to say I accomplished this not insignificant blogging endeavor. However, I’m not going to do that again any time…

[kittykatninja321]

My less popular opinion (and what I believe to be implied by the art in Lost Days) is that rather than waking up in a fully grown body Jason didn’t actually complete his puberty until after his Lazarus pit dip while he was on his murder tour. Imagine you’re tied up in a basement in Berlin getting interrogated by a teenager and his voice is cracking the entire time and if you laugh he’s going to shoot you

[tsuchinokoroyale]

Happy new years… let’s stay hydrated together ✨

[autisticandroids]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.

[youtube with closed captions]

a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.

[rad-roche]

it always makes my day when i see people interacting with dead man talking, dead woman walking, or the comics, and getting it. like really clicking with it and the point i'm making. it's so gratifying. it's a niche within a niche within a niche, so i put both out there with the expectation that it wouldn't be read at all and that'd be fine, it's for me, but it's still really satisfying to see people understand that despite the horrific way it ends, it doesn't make the funny or sweet things in it obsolete, it just makes them more meaningful when they do happen. it's just the curse of being alive. you can go out in a bad way, or a good way, but you're still going out, and there isn't a thing in the world that can change that. so if over the past couple of years you've taken the time to reach out about it, thank you, i read and appreciate all of them

[sakarrie-creates]

2022 Art Summary

Sooooooooooooooooo, how late do I need to be to be considered fashionably late? Do I need to wait another month?

Anyway, here’s my 2022 art summary! I had to get a little unconventional just cause this year really wasn’t an art year haha. These aren’t in any specific order. My reflection questions are under the cut!

What events did you participate in (with art)? Player Appreciation Week, Pidge Angst Bang (raffle art), Code Secret Santa

What was your biggest challenge this year? I think my biggest challenge would have to be time. Just like with writing, school kind of swallowed up my chance to draw pretty effectively. That being said, I also had a rough time because I literally had 6 months of no consistent device. Trying to art while having a rotation of laptops that didn’t work right was very not ideal. And searching through all my files to find the art pics to compile for this kind of sucked too haha. Oh, and there was period of time where I legit thought I was going to need to leave CSP cause they were making some very questionable decisions. They’ve since gone back on the most important one though, so I think I probably will at least try.

What was something you were surprised by? I got to try out drawing with a 2 in 1 laptop/stylus which was interesting! I actually enjoyed it a lot more than I expected, even with lower pressure sensitivity and such. I also think I was surprised this year by just how much of a different filters can make. I’d messed around with them some last year, but hooboy, they’re a toolbox I feel like I’ve barely opened now.

Where do you think you most improved? Maybe my coloring? I was a lot less shy about coloring in different ways this year and I think it worked in most cases! I also think that I’m slowly getting more comfortable with just saying screw it with anatomy, which might not actually be improvement per se, but it means I’m more willing to try and fail which is always good for art.

What are you most proud of? I’m really not sure, tbh. I really like the lighting in the star wars au art, and I was proud of the Code Lyoko group picture just because I went for a huge group picture on a tight time frame and tried shading. That being said, I think I’m most proud of myself for storyboarding my 30 minutes animatic. That thing makes me so happy when I look at it and I really do like how it turned out, especially considering it’s my first time actually creating full thumbnails. I don’t actually have the thumbnails included above but the mountain/Player one in the bottom row is a concept sketch I created for one part of the animatic.

How’d this year compare to your 2022 goals? To be honest, not very closely haha. I was expecting art to be easier to combine with school since its lower brain power for me, but it was about as limited as writing. I do like what I did make though! In terms of specifics, I’m just going to go list item by list item from my last year’s reflection.

-Brushes: I’d say for how little art I did this year, I think I actually did try a fair amount of new brushes! Particularly with coloring, but also in doodles. -Shading and Lighting: I think comparatively I did okay in this area too. I definitely didn’t do as many colored pieces as I’d like, but I did almost as many colored/shaded pieces as doodles, which is a huge step forward from last year! -More Dynamic Scenes and Positions: Hmmmmmmmmm this one is hard to say. I do think I was a little more adventurous this year, but I definitely could have branched out from my comfort zone a bit more. -Experiment With 3D Sets!!!: Hahahhhhhaahhahahhahahahhahaa yeah, I don’t know that I even touched these this year oops. So gonna have to go with a hard fail on this one. -Post More: Mmmmmmmmm yeah no, this one also was not great. I think everything I posted was part of an event. Most of the art in my summary hasn’t even been shared outside my main 3-person discord server haha.

Alrighty then, now it’s time for 2023 goals!! Okay, so I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to do more this year. I missed creating a lot last year and I’ve got so much I’d like to do. It’s really hard to say with the uncertainty of a new school/program, but so far I’ve already created more art than last year, so my fingers are crossed. Having my Acer Spin with its built in wacom stylus really seems to have made a difference, so here’s to hoping! Specifics: -One fully colored piece per month -Finish Huntlow comic -Player Appreciation Week -Add to zine portfolio -Apply to at least one zine as an artist (fine if don’t get accepted) -30 minutes animatic digitalize rough draft -Pull out some old WIPs -Keep experimenting with backgrounds and shading -Maybe make some fanart of my favorite fics? As an author I’ve always been so flattered by those so I’d love to do the same for others -Build more consistency of style Overall, how’d the year go? I definitely don’t think it went the way I was hoping for it too, but at the same time, I made so much progress on animatics and really did try some new stuff out, so I don’t think it was too bad! Cutting myself some slack for quantity, I think I’m proud of most of what I did and have continued to gain experience/confidence. I’m looking forward to this year! Also as a reward for anyone who got this far, please take this quality finger art I did while trying to get a feel for angles of an angst scene. It was late and clearly my brain was not in angst mode by the end lol. Obviously, this is my true best art of the year.

[a-jar-of-beetles]

Literally the finaly

[batsplat]

this is how i think the valentino/casey rivalry plays out in their minds

[dirtytransmasc]

I think... I think Jinx needs to bring Isha home. whatever remains of her. I think she needs to parallel Silco, in carrying her daughter, but the newfound self control Isha has given her, and the memories of the hell that was her resurrection and it's aftermath, will keep her from making her father's mistake. so she will carry her home and away from the chaos.

and I think Sevika needs to take her. like she had back in the prison. taking her and protecting her so Jinx can rage. and so she can drive and say goodbye, because that was her daughter too, in a way. she never said it allowed or made the conscious effort. but that was her girl.

she needs to parallel the last moment she had with Isha. she needs to show a softness and vulnerability that comes with a mother, older and wiser and more calloused by life, taking up the hard duty of accepting and tending the dead. her dead. her child.

she protects Jinx in this, by taking Isha away and out of sight. letting Jinx breathe. letting her crumble. without risking Isha's safety. Jinx will fight her and she will say "you trust me with her once, yeah? trust me again?", and Jinx will accept. she'll hand her over like she's handing over something made of the most fragile glass and tissue paper and cotton floss.

and then Sevika gets a moment alone. a moment to accept this. and then she, this character who has always been rough and tough and full of grit and spit, who has been strong and violent, by choice and by her circumstances, in almost every scene she has ever had, to be gentle and quiet and grieving.

burial is not a luxury that many Zaunites get, but Sevika will find a way to make do. she'll tend her girl, both of her girls, and they will give Isha rest and peace. but for a moment she just needs to stare down at the broken body beneath her and accept that this is real.

all those years of thinking one day she would lose Jinx, never getting attached, and yet it was the girl that gave her hope that she loses? she wasn't there to protect her? the own she truly accepted this time around, to ensure she didn't fail her like she failed Jinx, and she loses her the second she's out of her immediate grasp? she didn't get to say goodbye? she needs a second.

and then she'll be there for Jinx, and watch her crumble and break and lose herself.

and she'll have moments alone where she doesn't know what to do with the pain in her heart.

and they will think of their girl.

and that will be that.

it would bring their arc all the way around.

Jinx can and will go mad, but not when she could hurt her baby. Sevika will be gentle. they will be mother and daughter in their grief. because Isha changed them for the better.