#but I always fail
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i want my humanity back
#i don’t wanna be an object#or feel like i have to be anything but human#but the more i sink into my humanity the more petrified i am realizing what happened to me#i really didn’t deserve any of that :(#that shit messed me up so fuckin bad man#I’ve lost count how many times *that* esp has happened im just so tired#idk how to be myself#idk if i ever can#i feel like i get punished for ever trying to trust#i feel like i have to lock myself away#not because i want to but because im not safe unless i do#i just want to feel safe :(#i pray so much for it#but I can’t expect Her to fix my brain#idk if I’ll ever enjoy living again#I want to but im so scared#Death is the only comfort I know#but I always fail#it’s okay :(#todo estará bien#ojalá q sea así
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does social interaction feel like trying a bunch of different keys for one ever changing lock for anyone else or is it just me
#i wish i could just fade into the background but i have this constant desire for people to look at me and care about me#so i try and try and try to get it right and do it like the people around me#but i always fail#and they do look at me but never in the right way#they will never accept me
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No hate to the girl who made the video I'm currently CC'ing, but it's ironic that she's doing a video about the importance about sign language but she's speaking so fast I need to change her words so I can make the dialogue readable for CC
#no hate to her#I try to talk slow in videos & presentations for this exact thing#but I always fail#but not to this extent#at least i don't think so
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(look at what i have to offer) — this is the spider's nest.
#wild life smp#grian#<- is that really... his tag...?#grian fanart#life series smp#wanted to also make him wear skizz's tie specifically bec i hc he cant tie it properly himself so its always lopsided#perhaps later on he then wraps it around his fist#anyway this was A LOT . simpler in my head. never again will i draw rails#eydidraws#my art#trafficblr#mcyt#self indulgent drawing for me . maybe ill post the original sillier sketches later :'D#also kinda failed but i wanted to give the illusion of 8 legs so shadow-arm-sleeve-coat (left) / shadow-arm-shadow-coat (right)#* extra edit for clarification: yes my wl! grian is wearing mumbo's jacket (all the rips) and skizz's tie (unharmed since he fell) :D#maybe when they resurrect next time ill draw them without it lmao
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anya deserved so much better
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing art#mouthwashing anya#ibon draws#cw eye strain#eye strain#just in case#massive trigger warning for people interested in the game 😭i myself had to just listen to a video summarizing it#because i don't do well with heavy games like that especially as a survivor and someone with cptsd myself#the way in which she was systematically failed and gaslit by the others even after the fact felt eerily similar to what i experience#'in the back of my mind it's always there' how it feels to have cptsd in the aftermath is so realistically depicted by anya- i can confirm#take care of yourselves ok <3 i wish us all healing and safety
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Why did William get FNAF springlocked? Is he stupid?
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#william afton#henry emily#springtrap#fnaf 3#fnaf fanart#THIS COMIC is unserious#but to answer the question yes William is stupid BAHAH#I could imagine William wouldn’t be that shaken up by his employees getting injured#if anything he’d blame them for literally lack of skill#phone guy even explains that death or injury isn’t the company’s fault#so obviously William has just shrugged these things off for years#THEN this is why he’s stupid#he got in the springlock suit to scare ghost kids away#laughed in a wet suit and was shocked when it failed on him#THE TRUE skill issue seeing he of all people should of known better#common William L his hubris will always be the death of him
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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i thought the "AND THE CROWD GOES HOME" style jokes were very funny but unfortunately my autistic ass has now become obsessed with just spamming these emojis on everything i say for dramatic effect to an obnoxious level LOOK AT THESE GUYS ☝️‼️💯💪☝️💥‼️🔥💯💪‼️💯☝️☝️☝️☝️
#its so bad but i always think its funny. im so sorry ive failed#not screenreader friendly#not screenreader safe#emoji spam#🧃.txt
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https://www.tumblr.com/crvwly/727931159744512000/paranormal-au-outline-alone-is-almost-5k-words
me: oh good i have a structure, just five chapters and an epilogue!
the chapters: i will be so motherfucking long
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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Day 22 - Candy
+ alt version
#myherotober2024#himiko wants to eat ochako bc she's the sweetest girl part 2 electric boogaloo#if I got a nickel every time I drew Himiko eating tiny Ochako#i'd have two nickels#which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice#anyway me try to say consistent with artstyle/aesthetic challenge FAILED#again#eh well I'd be boring to always draw in the same way#bnha#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#togachako#himiko toga#ochako uraraka#fanart
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#changing my patterns by posting one of these after I failed a final 😭👍#the way he immediatly clocked wwx always cracks me up sorry#mdzs#incorrect mdzs#mo dao zu shi#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#selfpost
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bedtime story with my love !!
#mine#cats#oooooooooogh im so cold....bath time bath time :3 !#i hope everyone is hvaing a good week i am now DONE with work !!!!! hehe !!!!!!!!!!#i might not do any drawing for a little while . maybe just felt tips#also. cannnot for the life of me decide what 2 read...am like 30% way thro assassins fate but Um its . a little intense so im taking a brea#idk what im in the mood for....something....fun... but isnt bad#i feel like all 'light' books r bad. maybe i will just reread the goblin emperor. as i always do when all else fails#also. am going ice skating tomorrow i am SO excited . i hvent been in so so long its so exciting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#mwah. hve good evening :3
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People honestly portray Tuvok as far too "rolling his eyes, reluctantly going along with Janeway's silly little shenanigans" - he's literally so serious about being right there with her on every decision she makes. Janeway's like "I'm going to stay behind if the ship blows up" and Tuvok's like "I'm staying with you." Janeway's like "I'm going to deliver every member of the Equinox crew into the jaws of death via an alien revenge massacre" and Tuvok protests a grand total of one time before being fully on the bridge assisting her. He was the only one with her when she made the decision to honor the caretaker's wishes and save the Ocampa, dooming them all. He was willing to get court marshalled in order to fulfill a wish she couldn't grant by her own hand: Get them home [no matter what happens to me] <- wherein 'me' is Tuvok. This was the same wish that spurred him forward when he had to leave her on that planet and everyone left thought him cold for trying to fulfill it without her when in his mind it was akin to a dying wish, the last thing she'd ever express to him: Get them home [no matter what happens to me.] <- wherein 'me' is Janeway. He told Seven that the golden rule to follow is that the captain is "ALWAYS RIGHT" <- (His ACTUAL words) and when Seven asks if the captain should be followed even if someone KNOWS she's wrong he says "Perhaps." This man is perhaps the most ride or die dude in the universe about Janeway. Despite her labeling him her 'moral compass' he is by NO means impartial or unbiased. He'd defend her to his last breath. He canonically makes detailed psychological observations about her and has for years. He accounts for her luck when calculating the success of certain plans. It's implied in 'Twisted' that Janeway typically listens to Tuvok's suggestions and follows them nearly without fail - to the point that he's surprised and obviously irritated when Chakotay doesn't. Despite this they've been inside one another's quarters so infrequently that Tuvok can remember each instance. They call each other "Captain" and "Mr. Tuvok" even though they've known each other for twenty years. There's something wrong with them.
#star trek voyager#TUVOK....TUVOOOOK. HEY. HEEEEY.#What the HELL did you mean by 'Remember this guideline: The Captain is Always Right.'#<- SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH HIM FR WHAT'S UP WITH HIM#Kathryn Janeway#Tuvok#WHAT are they DOOOIING <3<3#what does 'right' mean in this context since he confirms it does NOT mean 'correct' !!!!!! TUVOK!!!!! PICK UP THE PHONE!!!#the flipside to this is that Tuvok can do almost anything and Janeway's like 'continue on my dear old friend I trust you<3'#It's implied in 'Twisted' that Janeway listens to his suggestions nearly without fail and he's NOT happy that Chakotay doesn't do the same#which IS!!!!!!! INSANE!!!#Actually I'm adding this to the post.#Janeway: This man is my most trusted advisor.#Tuvok: Everything the captain says is correct at the end of the day. Even if it's wrong - no it isn't.#<- You are Chakotay and your hell has just begun#Janeway#Tuvok/Janeway#Janeway/Tuvok#what are they doiiiiing#with Spock & Kirk I know it's because they're in love with each other. What are Tuvok & Janeway DOOIIING
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Time traveler: *moves a chair*
The timeline:
Textless version:
#This is a Chell and Stanley switch btw#in case I butchered their characters so much they're unrecognizable#SO FOR SOME FUCKING REASON#EVERYTHING WAS AGAINST ME POSTING THIS TO TUMBLR EVEN THO I MADE IT WEEKS AGO#like it ALWAYS fails to upload until now#portal#portal 2#portal chell#chell#stanley#the stanley parable#the narrator#the narrator stanley parable#GLaDOS#Fanart#ALSO I SWEAR THIS ISN'T AI ART I JUST SUCK AT DRAWING HANDS IGNORE STANLEY'S HAND#My art
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deliverance (ft. a little bird that didn’t make the cut)
#genshin impact#scaramouche#wanderer#raiden shogun#venti#my art#finally free from this piece aaaaa#ive been working on it for like 4 days straight#there's always more details i wanna add but#i am practicing self restraint (failing)#the concept started with the mecha rib idea and then expanded from there :>#i really wanted to incl subtle things that called back to scara's past#(and also draw him crying)
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