#but I also think he had some reasons for acting as he did
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Make Me Weak, Part 2
Pairing: Sex Therapist!Terry Richmond x Sub!Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader
Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. Cursing, mentions of depression, anxiety, and description of sex acts and sexual issues. Hair pulling, PIV, condom use. Power imbalance, Shy!reader. Dark!Terry. Dom!Terry, AU Terry, all consensual. Sorry if I missed some. I'm not a therapist and while I do not make light of therapy, this is purely for my own fun. Please seek real medical attention when necessary.
Summary: You followed Dr. Richmond’s instructions to the best of your ability. You spent so much time in your mind that willingly descending into your body was an experience that opened your eyes to how much you had neglected. Your second session forces you to confront more truths than what you were ready for.
Terry reaches some conclusions of his own as he tries to shake whatever is ailing him by disappearing between Tasia’s thighs. Yet his mind is on you, on your thoughts and words. During the second session, he can’t help but push you beyond your limit.
Word Count: 5,018k
Part 1 | AO3 Link
A/N: I'n back babbyyyy. I got so inspired reading so many lovely fics. Plus the encouraging asks really helped. I had TOO much fun writing this and you will not hurt my feelings if you don't want to read this one. However, I must tag to keep my taglist updated. Forgive me, my loves. Toss a coin to your blogger by leaving a comment, gif, or unhinged ask.
You
Hot steam rolled out from the shower as you set it to your desired temperature. You faced yourself in the mirror, thinking over Dr. Richmond’s words. You supposed that there was some truth to what he had told you.
Most people did start by exploring their own bodies first. It must be so easy for guys. Close the door, grab some lotion, and rub one out. Girls on the other hand…your life was constantly spent in a state of panic.
Panic that anything on your person would make your mother snap. Harsh criticisms hidden behind “just talkin’ shit” that Black people liked to hide behind. You were too sensitive to jokey-joke with when you weren’t able to reciprocate. It’s not like you could talk about your mom. It’s not like you could throw insults back in her face and tell her to take it in stride.
Panic that you could be caught or exposed at any point. You were a grown woman, yes. You were also taught to believe that you needed to act as if someone was watching. You believed there was some kind of life after all this and so wouldn’t it stand to reason that someone or something would be looking at you? Or worse, someone would come flying through your door because your family lacked boundaries?
Panic that you didn’t know what lay on the other side of an orgasm. How would you feel? How would you look? Surely something like that changed a person. Feeling that rush of relief for the first time had to be special. Had to be amazing. Otherwise, why would anyone ever be obsessed with sex?
Panic that you’d never reach that peak and fall over. Never feel that rush of euphoria that everyone talked about. Porn, books, friend groups. You always felt left out and you didn’t want to anymore, dammit.
You watched yourself in the mirror as steam overtook it, inch by inch. Until you were only staring at your eyes and the disbelief written all over your face. Would this even work? Were you wasting your time?
“I need total, focused commitment from you.”
Dr. Richmond’s sultry voice skittered along your naked skin. Goosebumps raised on your flesh from the cold air moving through the house. You would be focused. You would be committed. This was something you wanted so badly, you were fucking desperate.
So you took deep, measured breaths using the Box method a previous therapist told you about. You inhaled for a count of four, held for four, exhaled for a count of four, and then held it for four. You repeated the process, doing a full body scan.
You focused on your head, starting with your scalp. You focused on your forehead, feeling the tension melt away and your eyebrows start to relax. You hadn’t even realized that you had it scrunched.
You brought your attention to your eyes, unfocusing them, and allowed them to close. You repeated the process, breathing the entire time, settling down into your body when your mind wanted so badly to escape. To flee. To leave the Horrors.
When you felt your mind drift, you didn’t chastise yourself. You continued to breathe, focusing on your breaths until you continued with your scan. Your body relaxed fraction by fraction. Your shoulders lowered from up around your neck. Aches and pains became more prominent.
Your belly expanded and you sighed. You hadn’t even noticed how often you clenched your stomach, never allowing yourself a full breath. You always had to be on edge. Never knew where the next danger was coming from. What new fresh hell you would encounter just around the corner.
By the time you reached your feet, you felt more relaxed than you had in a long time. Your body prickled with your newfound awareness. Steam caressed your bareskin and you quickly hopped in the shower, letting the warm water cascade across your body.
The water felt different on your body. Each droplet may as well have been a tiny earthquake, popping all over your skin and making you tingle. This…wasn’t too bad.
You lathered up your facial scrub and gently moisturized your face, soothing the stiff areas. Your jaw popped as it loosened and you moaned from the relief.
How long? How long have you spent outside of your body? A stranger to it? A foreigner to this vessel you carried around? Had you truly loved your body when you were so alien to it? Or had you just learned to layer on the armor and pretend?
God, you felt like crying. With one session, Dr. Richmond already had you re-thinking your entire life. Like the answer was there in your face the entire time and you just needed him to shine a light on it.
You rinsed your face while you grabbed a washcloth and lathered up with your favorite soap. You added body wash and then took your time trailing the washcloth around your body. Starting with your neck, you worked your way down to your chest.
You took your time feeling the rough cloth against your smooth, watery skin. You rounded the washcloth across your nipples and they beaded under the slow torture. Oh, this was new. This was very nice.
You were focused, letting the water act as a sound machine, lulling you into a further relaxed state. You followed the washcloth with your hand, moving over and under your areolas and nipples. You pinched your nipples and gave it a tug. You gasped from the responding tug in your pussy.
You moved on, remembering Dr. Richmond’s words about not making it sexual. But fuck, how could you not?
Heat flushed beneath your skin that had nothing to do with the hot water on your body. You washed your back and then moved lower, skirting your throbbing pussy and washed your legs and dug the cloth between your toes.
On the way up, your fingers glided around your mound, your hips pushing forward. Your breathing turned rapid, feeling yourself getting more and more excited. Your brain turned to mush, retreating from your actions. Like it wanted to picture something else. You shook your head, and started up with your Box breathing again.
You stopped mid-shower to reorient yourself and get yourself back into that zone of ultimate calm. If Dr. Richmond were there…
You focused on what he might say. There was no rush. There was no rulebook for this sort of thing. There was no reason to chastise yourself. There was no test to pass or box you had to check in order to achieve an orgasm. You just needed to relax, dammit.
Slowly, achingly slow, you went back to that calm. You continued lathering up your body and then rinsed the soap off. You repeated the process, adding more soap to thoroughly wash your body. To enjoy the feel of the cloth and water and soap on your skin. On your body.
“This is the only body you’ll ever have so it’s time to think beyond simple body maintenance. Admire your body.”
This was the only body you would ever have. It was time you stopped treating it like the enemy.
You turned off the water and then got out. The chill air hit the water on your back and you shrieked and shivered, quickly drying off. You went through your nightly routine, taking care of your teeth, face, and deodorant. You sat down on a decorated stool in your bathroom to apply your lotion.
As instructed, you looked at your body. Every mole, every scar, every bump, and every wayward hair. Being in your body was weird to say the least. You had to disassociate to survive your childhood and you never learned to drop those defenses. Your body never realized that it wasn't at war anymore. Or perhaps it was and this was battle fatigue. You were so damn tired.
You massaged the lotion into your skin and then slipped in your panties. You pulled on an ankle bracelet you got while visiting New York once and it made you feel extra pretty, so why not. You turned on your bedside light and pulled out a notebook.
You started a new entry and wrote about the sensations and revelations you experienced. Some of it you would discuss with Dr. Richmond and some of it was never leaving your grave. It felt good to get it all out, uninterrupted.
Sometimes, venting to someone else just gave them room to talk over you. To steer the direction back to them. Brooklyn was like that. In an effort to relate, she ended up taking over the convo and made it about her situation. Then you ended up comforting her about her issue and never feeling truly heard about yours.
In a journal however, you pretended that you were just relaying it to a friend. The type of friend who allowed you to speak. To get your jumbled thoughts out without getting mad or trying overshadow you.
Done, you collapsed against your bed as if every ounce of strength left your body. You breathed through it, allowed your body to rest for a moment. The hell kind of voo-doo shit did your therapist put you through?
Immediately, warning bells went off in your mind. Surely, you would be whisked away to some super important task around the house. Surely, your phone would ring with some awful accident you had to attend to. Surely…nothing. You were drained. You had nothing.
You had just enough energy to put the journal up, turn off the light, and drift off to the deepest sleep of your life.
Terry
Tasia bounced like a porn star on Terry’s dick and it wasn’t doing a damn thing for him. He felt himself getting soft the more Tasia shuddered with her pleasure. At least one of them was having fun.
Maybe he rushed this. Too intent on getting you out of his mind that he hopped immediately into Tasia’s warm heat and didn’t consider that there was no substitution. He knew it was irrational to be drawn to you so fast. After only one session. He was conflicted on that front, but it went beyond just looks.
Your case, your assessments, your willingness to try, and your obvious smarts was a cocktail shooting through his veins and turning his body liquid. The perfect sub was dropped into his lap and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
And as a man used to getting his way in the bedroom, it stuck in his craw that he couldn’t have you. That it wasn’t your pussy that his dick disappeared inside of. Would you moan loudly? Were you shy in the bedroom? Were you enthusiastic?
What would your mouth look like taking the full length of him? How far down could you suck him? Did that same determination translate to the bedroom?
Tasia grunted beneath him as his dick rose back to life, thoughts of you turning him harder than a brick. He could build a house with how hard he was at the moment, picturing the curves on your body. The natural handles in your waist for his big hands to wrap around. To hold.
He moaned, picturing it all so clearly. His thumbs would dig into your back. The sounds you would make. His hips jerked just thinking of pounding into you. No mercy. You weren’t some fragile flower. Your insightful thoughts were like a mirror to his own. He wanted to explore with you. And the fact that he couldn’t had him pulling Tasia’s hair back.
“Call me Dr. Richmond,” he commanded.
“Yes, D-Dr. Richmond,” Tasia moaned. It was starting to piss him off.
“Softer,” he said.
“Yes, Dr. Richmond,” she said, bringing her voice lower, softer. It was nowhere near your voice, but it’d do for the fantasy he concocted in his head. He didn’t have time for any extra tricks tonight. He just needed to get to the other side of his nut.
He closed his eyes and thought about your case. He wondered if you were doing as you were told. He wondered how well you would take commands in the bedroom. If he even had to give commands at all. If you’d instinctively know what he needed when he needed it. Tasia used to know that. Tasia used to have him out of breath.
Now…she was a beautiful girl with deep mocha skin, a cute face, and wide expressive eyes. She was like a little doe in a meadow somewhere. He was attracted to the overall softness of her and of her body. The natural way she seemed to know what he needed.
Perhaps it was him that had changed. His tastes. He was no longer interested in a casual sub-relationship. Perhaps he wanted a more permanent sub. One he could explore every single nasty fantasy with and never get bored. He was getting older, getting into his early-thirties without a significant partner.
And that was what he wanted. A partner. An equal. Someone he raced home to see or spent his days thinking about how he would break her and put her back together like a puzzle box.
Terry groaned and came into the condom, gripping Tasia’s asscheeks for dear life. It was one of the hardest climaxes he ever experienced. His release triggered hers, causing her to fall forward as her pussy gripped his dick.
He pulled out and immediately disposed of the condom, coming back to help clean up Tasia.
“That was…different,” she said, using the word in place of something else. He didn’t want his reputation to slacken in that regard, but hell, this whole thing had been a mistake. He still made sure she came twice before he did, but he usually put more oomph into his sexual exploits.
He usually had Tasia popping her pussy on his face, or contorting her like a pretzel. Now…he was just over it. Over trying to impress someone that wasn’t permanent in his life. That he couldn’t play with whenever he wanted. He was no longer excited at the prospect of making many women cum. He just wanted to make one cum over and over again. He wanted to collect each one like trophies.
Terry grabbed Tasia’s hand and kissed the back of it. “Forgive me. Tonight should’ve probably been a gym night,” he said. He smiled for good measure, but it was a close-lipped smile.
“Oh, I’m not complaining. That dick still know how to rock my world,” she said. She stood up, pulling on her sweats and sweatshirt, and slipping on her sneakers. He sat down on the bed and watched her, not feeling an ounce of desire.
She leaned over and grabbed his chin, making him look up at her. “You take care of yourself and whatever or whoever got you in this funk. And if you need more relief, you know my number,” she said.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said with another close-lipped smile. Tasia had been one of his longest play partners, he’d be sorry to see her go. She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek, showing herself out.
Terry sat in his fancy bedroom in his fancy house, staring at the empty archway Tasia disappeared through. His mind and body told him that he was ready for something more. Something tangible. Something he could hold and never let go. He only hoped he found it soon.
You
You clutched your journal to your chest as you sat in Dr. Richmond’s office. Nothing about it had changed except the man himself. He chose to wear a cream colored outfit. A soft, oatmeal colored sweater and khaki pants with white sneakers. His gold rimmed glasses flashed every so often from the light overhead and you couldn’t help catching every single thing about him. If only to distract you from your racing thoughts.
It was one thing to live in your body when you were in the comfort of your own bathroom. Your mind escaped once more, retreated to the safest place you knew. Your knee bounced with nervousness.
“You don’t have to share if you don’t want to. This is a safe space. It’s your space. You get to decide what we do here,” he said.
You closed your eyes to the sound of his voice. If he wasn’t so damn helpful, you’d ask for someone else. Literally, anyone else. But he was the first therapist to give you a glimpse of the other side. You wanted that more than you were embarrassed.
“No, I want to share. I need to share,” you said. You licked your lips and then cracked open your journal. You skimmed over things you didn’t want to reveal just yet. Too embarrassing for a second meeting, of course.
“I think…I think my mind is safer. I am constantly on alert that I’m “doing the right thing”, as opposed to what actually makes me happy,” you said.
When you didn’t say anything, Terry leaned back in his seat. He rolled up his sleeves, revealing the golden brown of his forearms. Your mind emptied of any other thought until he cleared his throat. “Can you expand on that?”
You looked up into his eyes before heat rushed to your ears. You looked back at your journal, focusing on that rather than his lush, pink lips.
You told him more about how you reached this conclusion. That there was a standard for being Black that you never quite achieved. That at any moment, multiple mobs of people were coming for your Black card. Or, you were constantly trying to over-achieve at school. You had to work twice as hard, had to be the smartest in the class, because if you came home with a B, your mom went on a long rant about being stupid and never achieving anything real in life. Or how everyone praised you at work for going above and beyond and then got mad when you couldn’t sustain it. You were constantly on the lookout for someone else’s standard.
“I have so many fucking voices in my ear, telling me to do this or do that. And I fucking hate it. Which is wild considering that that’s what I seek in a sexual partner,” you said.
Dr. Richmond smiled and nodded. “Your mind is trying to re-contextualize your upbringing. Being submissive is actually about putting yourself in the position of power. A dom is only as good as how well he treats his sub. It’s about the ultimate act of trust on the submissive’s part,” he explained.
“Yes! And how can I trust that someone isn’t going to…take what I say or want and abuse that or make fun of me for it?” You asked. You played with the corner of your journal, not willing to look at Dr. Richmond. You didn’t need to see the pathetic pity in his steel blue eyes.
“You have to stand resolute in what you want. You have to recognize that pleasure and sex is about give and take. Trust and acceptance. The right partner isn’t going to make fun of you, abuse you, or rush you,” he said.
You sighed and leaned back on the brown sofa. You felt like you were chasing a unicorn. What kind of guy was willing to be dominant and care about your needs? Reassure you when you needed and took control when your body sent massive panicked waves at him? Took care of the trust you were placing in him to help you relax and cum? While also being physically attractive to you and have you be attracted to him; not a chubby chaser, not a creep, and not an abuser?
It was impossible. Hopeless.
“If you’re comfortable, tell me more about what you found,” he said.
You took your mind off of your dream mystery man. When the fuck was it going to be your turn?
You scanned your journal once more, noting the sensations about actually living inside your body. “I think when I feel an orgasm approaching, I get scared. And that could be part of why I’m blocking it, but even when I’m alone, I don’t know what it feels like. Or…”
“Or…?” Dr. Richmond prompted.
You grimaced. Fuck, this was so hard to put into words. Too hard to expose yourself like this. But did you want to reach your sixties, seventies, never having a true orgasm? Never finding your way to actual release?
“Or, there’s no way to control the orgasm,” you said.
Dr. Richmond nodded. “The goal isn’t to control it, you know,” he said.
“I know!” You groaned and stood up. You thought better on your feet. Or maybe when you had something to do, you were better able to regulate the jumble of emotions inside of you. No wonder your emotions were all over the place. You spent too long disassociating, too long in your mind and not enough in your body.
“What benefit do you get from being in control all the time?” The scratch of his pen on the notebook drew your attention to him. To his pretty face, dark eyelashes, and push lips. You watched as he wrote in his notebook. Watched the lines and planes of his gorgeous face. His short curled afro.
“If I’m in control, if I never look weak or stupid or incompetent, then I win. I win at life. And all my bullies, from school to home are all wrong. There’s nothing wrong with me because I know what to do. I know what to say. I’m not an alien,” you said, taking a deep breath at the revelation.
Whatever your insurance company was paying him, they needed to double it. You admitted things you never had in the past. Your previous therapists attacked your problem sex first, focusing on different methods you could try. Some wanted you to describe, in detail, whatever you did to get yourself off. Safe to say they weren’t practicing ever again.
“Do you believe there’s something wrong with you?” He asked. He leaned back in his seat, giving you an unflinching stare. His face gave away nothing, revealed nothing, as you thought through his question.
“All the fucking time. Why else do friends keep leaving me? Or guys don’t want me? Or my mom is…my mom,” you said.
“Have you considered that you aren’t the problem?” He asked.
“How could I not be? I’m the only common denominator,” you said. You flopped back onto the couch but it wasn’t that soft. It thudded under your weight and you took a deep breath. Fuck, you wanted to cry. Tears pricked your eyes, turning them hot and itchy. You refused to cry in front of this man.
This strange, quiet man who seemed to read you like one of the many books on his bookshelf. No wonder he had so many degrees. He could drag a full confession from a mute.
“That may be true. But, bear with me, consider that you aren’t the problem. If you take yourself out of the equation, what are you left with?” He asked. He leaned forward on his desk and the sudden intensity of the question made your mind blank.
You had…nothing. No explanation, no back up. You were used to making yourself the problem. The issue had to be you. If it wasn’t you…
You shrugged your shoulders and looked away from him. The silence stretched on, so quiet you could hear the quiet tick of the clock on the wall.
“Don’t shy away now, dig into it. If it’s not you, then…?” Dr. Richmond prompted.
The question only seemed to make you clamp up. Your tongue swelled. Your throat constricted. If it wasn’t you, then what? Everyone was incapable of giving you what you wanted? Everyone just had an agenda against you? Please, that was narcissistic as hell.
Dr. Richmond stood up from his desk and took off his glasses. He pulled out a drawer and retrieved a glass cleaner cloth. He cleaned his glasses and walked around the front of his desk.
“Consider, for a moment, that other people have deficiencies as well. That people congregate in groups because biologically, it’s safer. We seek groups to be in and when we can’t find one, we tend to think that we’re the problem. That we are outcasts, getting left out to defend ourselves. But all that means is that we haven’t found our group yet. You’re trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. You don’t belong with the squares, so no, you won’t fit in with them.
“The same goes for sex. Everybody has their preferences. People have their kinks, their needs. When those needs aren’t meant, society teaches us to look at our own deficiencies rather than someone else’s. Perhaps the man you need sexually is far different from the men you take to bed,” he said. He waved around his glasses as he spoke, drawing attention to his massive hands.
Seriously, they were huge. Like two lion paws that could strike down someone with one hit. He held his glasses by the frame, waving it around delicately as he spoke. You were still paying attention to his words, but fuck…he was unreal.
“But how do I find the man that I need sexually?” You asked.
Terry
Terry inwardly groaned as you asked him that. Plenty of suggestions came to mind, each too crass to suggest. How could he tell you to go into another man’s arms? How could he send you to another man to unleash that hidden hellcat within you and he wouldn’t get to experience it?
He needed to end this. End this before it even began. He placed his glasses back on his face and crossed a line that he never thought he would. “I think we have more work to do to adjust the way you think about sex before we get into how you attract what you’re seeking. In fact, I’d suggest you abstain from sex until we get deeper into this,” he said.
“Abstain?” You snorted and he fought a smile. Your face showed absolute disgust, like the mere thought was abhorrent.
“Abstain. From what you’ve told me and what’s in your file, you jumped from overcoming your initial thoughts and reluctance about sex right to jumping into bed. Without really, truly exploring yourself first. Kids explore their bodies all the time right? They grow conscious of themselves and start thinking about hey, my equipment is different from someone else’s equipment,” he said.
You couldn’t help but giggle and it caused him to smirk in return. Yes, it was silly. Talking about sex was silly. But it was true. “And as you start to notice people that you’re attracted to, you start to grow conscious of hormones in your system. Brain chemistry. All the fun stuff that goes into attraction. You start to touch yourself more, explore your preferences through porn or books or experimentation.”
You cringed when he brought up experimentation. He tilted his head. “Did you go through an experimentation phase?” He asked.
You closed your eyes and sighed as if it were the last question you wanted to answer. You completely fascinated him. He had no idea what would come out of your mouth next. How you would respond to certain questions or ideas.
He snuck a glance at the clock, he was nearing the end of the session. He flexed his jaw. This was so damn irritating. By the time you were willing to open up, it was time to end it. He wished he could carve out a month of sessions to get you to lower your defenses and let him inside.
“No? I grew up in the wrong generation. All everyone thought about was sex and while I did too, no one was checking for the fat Black nerds unless it was a prank. And I saw everything as a prank. I was always getting pointed at, made fun of, stared at. Jesus, being exposed fucking sucks! So, no, I didn’t experiment. There was no one to fucking experiment with.
“And it wasn’t like I could go ten feet from my mom without her up my ass about where I was going. Claiming she just didn’t want me to get snatched when all she really wanted was just to control me. To not let me end up like her. Young and pregnant,” you practically yelled, spewing way more vitriol than he expected.
He figured it was a sore spot for you by the way you grimaced, but he hadn’t been expecting…that. Again, he balled his fists thinking of every person that ever let you down. Every person that was supposed to uplift you, guide you, help you, all dropped the ball in teaching you about self love.
Every experience every kid was supposed to have was denied to you. Instead of being asked out with interest, with sincerity, boys treated it like a prank. He was wild in his youth, he wasn’t always nice to people, or he went through life like a little gremlin. But he liked to think he mellowed somewhat in high school. Treating everyone with respect. From the nerds to the jocks. He didn’t know what not trusting people’s words felt like. Like everything that someone said came laced with poisoned barbs ready to sting.
“This is so fucking stupid,” you whispered. Your lip trembled but no tears fell down your face.
Fuck, even now you were trying to hold everything in. Control a natural response to something painful. “When was the last time you cried?” Terry asked.
You stood up and snatched your purse and journal from the couch. “Session’s up, right?” You asked. You avoided looking at him as you rushed to the exit. The faux glass door clanged against the wall as you threw open the door and left, steps echoing on the linoleum flooring.
He stared at the door as it lazily swung back and he wondered. And he pondered.
Wheww, need more? The Secret Terry Richmond Files | Part 1
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thinking about viktor with a chronically ill reader. you know? we see the vision, right?
it just works.
the thing with chronic pain, illnesses, disabilities, all of that - is that you can't always see them. sometimes you can, sure, you can see the mobility aids and the not-standing-up-for-too-long and the bruising from blood draws and sometimes you can see the compression garments, the pills and inhalers and the i'm fine, i just need a moment-
but most people just don't pay attention to that. or if they do, they don't put the pieces together fast enough to figure out what's really going on under the surface. viktor does, though; he's been there, and most of the time he's way beyond hiding it. or, well, he's way beyond hiding some of it.
walking with a cane was like carrying a neon sign that said yes there is something different here. yes i can't walk the way you can. no it's not going to get better. that last part wasn't directly evident just from him using a cane, sure, but with the way his cane looked, it should've been pretty clear. He had used one practically forever and it had evolved with him, he'd made it as comfortable to use as it could be, had even made it match his uniform.
so yeah. viktor knew what it was like. he'd been the disabled kid forever, even if some of the others were never going to say it out loud. that was just a thing about him, and he knew how hard it could be to navigate something like that in an academic environment. it was hard to admit you couldn't do something, that you had to sit down, that you needed a moment. that sometimes your body was just falling apart for no particular reason and it was just another tuesday.
sometimes it was easier to sit with the pain than take medication in the middle of a meeting, knowing that someone would make a bigger deal out of it than it had to be, even if it was just raising their eyebrows meaningfully. they'd think about you differently afterwards.
he could see you push through it, and he didn't blame you, really, he did that himself, too, but - he didn't want you to hurt yourself. you hadn't been in the lab as long as he had, so he could understand you being a little cautious with how you acted and what you told people, but he didn't want you to feel like you had to put on a show for him. he was, after all, walking around with the equivalent of a light-up sign of i'm disabled, too, and he liked to think of himself as someone who wouldn't come off as judgemental about stuff like that. other stuff, sure, stupid stuff, but not that.
so when he sees you dealing with the telltale signs of being in pain, he conveniently sends jayce and the others to pick up some parts that would take a while to collect and that they wouldn't actually need until the next day. but better prepared, right? what's the harm.
and then he comes to sit next to you and sighs deeply. leans back. relaxes to the best of his abilities. asks if you're alright, and sounds like he already knows the answer.
you sigh too, shift your position, and answer with it's fine. and viktor recognizes the strain in your voice, in your posture, and he knows there's a key difference between this and i'm fine, but he'll take it. it's not what he'd like, but he'll take it.
he leans over to dig around his belongings, and then offers you a bag of candied almonds.
"if you're going to take pain killers, it's better if you eat something first," he says, and you just stare at him. "i assume you haven't taken anything yet. nothing strong enough, at least," he continues, casually, and you take a deep breath and accept the almonds.
he smiles. continues like this is totally normal. "jayce made me start carrying around some food so i could do that. for myself, i mean. but it doesn't hurt to have some snacks around either way, i suppose."
he knows he's skirting around the real topic of the conversation, but he also knows that sometimes people get uncomfortable around his bluntness, and you hadn't exactly told him you were in pain, so he'd understand it if you were a little weirded out. after all, most people didn't notice this stuff. but you haven't run away from him, and you're eating, and then you're digging around your own bag to take your medication, so he'll count this as a win.
thanks, you exhale, handing back the almonds, and he takes a handful of them himself.
"i'm fine, really," you continue, not really looking at him, "it's just hard sometimes."
he nods. it was - even if he didn't know the specifics, he knew that it was true. especially since you had been hiding it from the others. and with something like that, something the others couldn't see, the invisible step to let them see it would grow bigger and bigger with time, when they expected you to be able to do everything they did without a second thought.
he also knows you didn't mean fine in the dictionary definition sense of the word, but more in the this is normal and you don't need to worry -sense. and that's fine. he was used to functioning on different parameters than most people, so this version of fine was good enough.
my body just isn't always very reliable, you explain with a sigh, and that he knows better than well.
he hmms in answer and nods. he knows.
you exhale a small laugh at that.
and he's glad you're relaxing, wants you to be as comfortable here as possible.
"these people are alright," he says casually, "as far as healthy people go."
viktor smiles a little.
another win for him.
and then he sits with you, talking and not talking and enjoying the quiet comfort if it all. and then he makes up some excuse so you don't have to keep working yet. he was well aware what it was like trying to work through the pain, waiting for the medication to kick in, and he wouldn't exactly recommend it. besides, as a rule, you were more likely to make mistakes if you were thinking through a layer of pain, and that was just plain bad planning. it made much more sense to just take a break and continue when you felt better. in fact, he was in dire need of a caramel latte and a pastry right now, do you want anything?
and after that it just... sort of falls into place. you're more relaxed around him. and the others, too, but he's the only one that really gets it. doesn’t make a whole thing out of it when you need to sit down for a moment or take a break while your pain killers kick in. he's just there.
he knows what it's like, and that feels like an invisble curtain lifted from between you and him, and it's just easy. you don't have to pretend you're doing better than you actually are and he doesn’t hide it when he's in pain, either.
most people don't see it, but there's a mutual understanding there; yeah, sometimes life sucks and sometimes you're in pain and no it's not fair that sometimes your body is falling apart and life just keeps going. you can't do all the things you want to do but you still have to show up for the other life-stuff and if you took a day off every time you felt bad you would never get anything done and it just never stops.
but sometimes there's someone who'll sit through it with you without judgement. offer a warm drink and a snack and some understanding.
#scribbles#yes i did write this while waiting for my pain killers to kick in what about it#it works. you know i'm right#viktor arcane x reader#viktor x reader#viktor arcane
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may i request a romantic yandere concept for Lucifer with Fallen Angel! Darling? Maybe he used to have a crush on them before he fell, so seeing them again after such long time just makes his old feelings come back in the worst way possible..
Thank you so much for giving me a background, lol! It helped a lot when working on this ^^ Sorry for the long wait, hope it was worth it.
Yandere! Lucifer with Fallen Angel! Darling
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Possessive behavior, Kidnapping, Delusional behavior, Forced relationship.
Before Lucifer fell? What a long time...
Yet he no doubt remembers his time up there.
I imagine Lucifer knew you before he seduced Eve and married Lilith.
He kinda has to, right?
You were probably his first companion... Possibly a crush he had no idea how to act on.
He was quite... naive? Young?
Either way, back then he was rather inexperienced, even as an angel.
He always asked too many questions and seemed to stick his nose where it doesn't belong.
You knew him well back then.
You were two close friends, Lucifer had always remembered you fondly.
Everything about you was, well, angelic.
Your smile, your gaze, your pretty pure wings.
Like many things in heaven, you were a beauty to behold.
Lucifer, in hindsight, wishes he spent more time with you.
Things were simple back then.
Just two angels, sharing some talk.
There was no Hell yet and Lucifer was still that beaming dreamer that many found troublesome.
But you never thought that.
You were just as curious.
You were curious about him, humankind, and all of creation.
Even before Lucifer met Lilith it seems he was corrupting you.
Lucifer often told you of the dealings he and Lilith did.
He wasn't sure why... but maybe it was because you'd always perk up with stars in your eyes when you listened.
Although... Once temptation was introduced to humankind...
You were forced to watch Lucifer fall from grace.
Lucifer still remembers the fear in your eyes when you watch your companion fall.
He had always remembered you since that day.
Yet he was also occupied with his new wife, Lilith, deep in this new kingdom created by their hands.
Hell.
Honestly, Lucifer didn't think he'd see you again.
Why would he?
Far as he knew, you were quite the pure angel.
You belonged up there... while he deserved to take his punishment.
Lucifer didn't start thinking about you again until Lilith disappeared.
It was then, when he was alone with his rubber ducks, that he began to realize how much you meant to him.
He's a king... yet he's a pitiful king in this state.
Even now he misses the companionship you two would share.
But then there's... news.
A fallen angel has entered Hell.
Lucifer would normally not care when another soul enters Hell.
But an angel?
That's already surprising enough.
He probably met you after helping Charlie rebuild the Hotel.
Which only seems to surprise him more.
At first, well, he thinks he's dreaming.
There's... There's no way you're here!
Yet when he gets a close look...
It is you.
This was really you.
You look different due to the fall... but you.
Lucifer probably tears up when he sees you, like seeing a long lost friend.
A long lost love...
He's been alone for so long.
I don't doubt him hugging you when he sees you, baffling you and the other demons for a moment.
Until Lucifer starts dumping info, saying you two were close in Heaven.
Lucifer is quite excited you came down here.
He isn't sure how you ended up here...
Yet he's happy you are!
It's for... selfish reasons, but that's expected of a demon.
With you here, he's no longer alone!
He has his fellow (fallen) angel friend to keep him company!
Not only that... but he wants to show you the world he's been thriving in for... who knows how long?
You're scared when you first arrive... Completely expected.
You fell due to following Lucifer's teachings and agreeing with Charlie's plan to reform sinners.
Which is how you end up falling into Lucifer's new home.
Knowing how delusional and alone Lucifer is at this point, even after reconciling with his daughter, he'd probably think this was destiny.
You two were meant to meet again!
You were meant to save him from being lonely like the angel you are! (were?)
You'd no doubt be Lucifer's next love interest, even if you were technically his first.
Sometimes he's sorry for being away for so long.
You two would've been cute together up there...
....
But that can still happen, right!?
Lucifer definitely shows you around his home and reminisces about your time together in Heaven.
To you, he's like a friend who simply hasn't seen another friend in a long time.
Yet that's such a naive view...
In reality, due to his fragile mental state, Lucifer is quickly falling in love all over again.
I imagine now, in Hell, his feelings get twisted.
After all, he's no angel anymore.
You aren't either.
He can be possessive, he can be manipulative...
He's clingy, desperate, and hopes you still enjoy his presence.
To him, everything about you is still beautiful.
He hopes you're still a dreamer.
He hopes you understand how he feels.
He's delusional, probably accidentally confessing within weeks.
Then when he realizes it, he begs you to stay.
He's a king now!
He'll give you everything and anything!
Please don't leave too!
If... If you do...
Maybe he needs to clip your wings?
Lucifer doesn't have many... morals in this state.
Again, King of Hell and all.
So keeping you with him by force, even if he doesn't fully realize it, doesn't register as wrong to him.
He'll manipulate you or straight up lock you away.
If he wanted to restrict your power, he probably could since you both are fallen angels.
He's desperate to not be alone again.
He clings to you, perhaps even in demonic form, pleading you don't leave.
When you try to pull away, try to reason, try to run from your corrupted friend...
He merely strokes your wings in a comforting touch, whispering sweet nothings...
Before locking you away, chaining your wings, just so he can keep his closest companion.
Your wings bleed with your attempts to flee... the glowing ichor staining your skin.
You're miserable... tortured by your delusional companion's obsession...
But to Lucifer...
It was torture losing you... torture being alone...
But now, you're in his territory, his domain...
Now? Well, now you'll never leave him!
He won't let it happen.
He's sick of being alone.
He just wants to hold you... kiss you... love you...
He wants you to be his.
He's waited a long time for this.
He knows you're scared... but... you'll grow used to your new home...
He'll take care of you, he'll love you until he sees that familiar sparkle of happiness in your eyes...
But just when he thinks he sees your eyes sparkle when you look at him...
He quickly realizes it's tears.
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Buck has spent the past 8 years acting like sex is taboo and wrong for him, specifically because he was Buck 1.0
In season 2, he apologizes to Taylor because he "isn't that guy anymore" after Taylor comes onto him. He has had shitty relationship after shitty relationship because he is looking for an answer in these people that he is simply never going to find in them.
I saw a post sometime ago about how Buck looks to other people to ask for reassurance in his own feelings. "Am I lonely?" "Am I at peace?" "How do you know?"
But he does this in other ways, too. He told Tommy that he feels comfortable in his own skin Because Tommy is comfortable with who Tommy is. That's just another way for Buck to find validation in what he feels.
That's why Tommy broke up with him. You can accuse Tommy of a lot of things, but he is at least self-aware. He hears Buck ask him to move in, not because Buck loves him and wants him around but because he makes Buck "comfortable," and personally, no one deserves to be kept around as a validation device.
That's what makes Tommy say Buck will break his heart. That's why Tommy leaves. It's parallel to Buck asking Taylor to move in with him. Except Tommy is older and listening to what Buck is saying.
Buck told Taylor "I thought I could learn to live with it."
and he told Josh, "I could see a future with him."
And that's where some of you got lost. He doesn't see a future with Tommy, but he thinks he could—hypothetically—because Buck wants a future with someone.
Taylor Kelly and Tommy Kinard have the same blueprint relationship with Buck. Kelly is her middle name. He was engaged to Abby. Things Buck finds out way too late into the relationship because he goes with the flow and doesn't talk to the people he dates.
Which brings me back to #LetBuckFuck. Now, sex is morally neutral. Having sex with 100 people doesn't make you a degenerate, and only having had sex with one person doesn't make you a saint. Also, neither means you have a healthy relationship with sex.
Bobby made a point to Buck that a bunch of random hook-ups wouldn't fill the whole Buck feels in his chest, and Buck internalized that to mean if he didn't have a hook-up at all, he would eventually find the thing that did fill that hole. Which theoretically could work.
Except Buck missed the part where the reason why hook-ups don't fill the hole isn't that hook-ups are bad. It is that the hole has to be filled from the things within.
The sex had nothing to do with it. Now, it's been 8 years and 5 failed relationships later and Buck is still working under a false presumption.
Some people found Oliver's call for Buck to fuck to mean he wants Buck to regress. But failed to see that Buck is actually still a stupid lil punk putting whatever fits into the square hole.
Let Buck Fuck. Let Buck realize his worth isn't in other people. Let Buck realize he can have sex, and his worth isn't tied to it AT ALL.
Stop being like Buck. Stop letting Buck's relationships define him.
#911 abc#evan buckley#evan buck buckely#character study#character analysis#LetBuckFuck#Bucktommy mentioned#bucktommy breakup#tommy kinnard#911 show#911 season 8#911 on abc#bisexualBuck#hamsterwheel#Tagging this with Buddie so the people who have the tag blocked won't see it and come for me#NotDiscourse#buddie
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Hi (me again) a few other fic ideas I had was,
-Daddy!JJ (again) with Little!reader where reader is feeling really small (like 2-3) and JJ seeks help from maybe Kie or John B because reader had never regressed that small
-Daddy! John B (and Mama!Sarah if your okay with it) taking care of Little!reader at the beach collecting sea shells before they run into Topper and Ruthie and they think it's weird that reader is acting like a kid (the obviously don't know about her regression)
-Daddy!Rafe with Little!Reader and he brings her with him when he's with Barry
Just some ideas you don't have to do them all or any of them, just thought i'd throw them out there
I choose the last idea, and i hope you’ll enjoy it!🫶🏻
Warnings: Drugs addiction.
Rafe hated even the idea of letting you anywhere near Barry and their business. He had a couple of reasons.
First, he didn’t want to put you in danger.
Second, he didn’t want you to know that your „Daddy” has a drug addiction.
He knew that you were too small and naive to think of that as something bad, but he still didn’t want you to see him just as everybody else does, disgusting and dirty. Therefore, he was trying his best to keep you away from his dirty deals, but one day you finally saw Barry. When he came into the Tannyhill, as two of you were sitting on the balcony, you were just getting comfortable sitting on Rafe’s lap.
„Oh, man. I didn’t know that you have a chic.”
Barry said, his voice loud as always. He set down in front of you two, clearly not bothered by your presence at all. You looked up at Rafe, seeing some signs of concern on his face. You looked back at Barry, frowning a little bit.
„Man, it’s not the best time for you to show up.”
Rafe said, but Barry only sneered at his words, looking at you with an interest in his eyes that made you slightly uncomfortable. You weren’t so good at communication when you were in the little space, especially when it comes to strangers. Rafe pulled you closer, taking your hands in his, as he saw you becoming more anxious because of the unexpected guest.
„Relax, dude. What is she on? Some pills?”
You felt how one of Rafe’s hands turned into a fist, as he was trying to regulate his emotions, so he wouldn’t scare you with his anger outburst. If you wouldn’t be there, he would already start some issues, and you knew it, so you just hugged him tighter.
„Or maybe like you, sniffing a little bit of white powder?"
Rafe gently pulled you off his lap, sitting you down on the couch, and smiling softly to you, even though you saw his jaw clenching just a second ago. He then crouched in front of you, taking your hands in his for a second.
„Baby, I need you to cover your ears for me, alright?”
You immediately did what he said, not even asking why, because you knew that it was better not to give him even more reasons to be angry right now.
A couple of minutes later Rafe came back, after helping Barry find his way out of this house and gently telling him that he wasn’t welcomed here, at least not when you were there.
„Are you okay, kid?”
He asked and smiled as you gave him a quick nod, uncovering your ears. He was more relaxed now, and so were you. You were so happy that now there were no strangers in the house.
„Daddy, who was that?”
He waited before giving you an answer, probably trying to pick the right words in his head, so you would understand him, but also won’t be too anxious thinking about that situation later.
„It was Daddy’s friend. A stupid one.”
You were a bit confused about why he would be friends with someone who thinks that the powder is meant to be sniffed and that you had to take some pills even though you were completely healthy. You sighed, remembering that Rafe had always told you to stay out of the adult’s things.
„Why were you swearing at him?”
Your question made him raise his brows, as he was more than sure that you haven’t heard anything that was happening downstairs. He then chuckled, thinking of what else have you heard and what exactly will you repeat after him later.
„I think we should buy you headphones, baby.“
He laughed softly as you happily jumped up from the couch and stormed out from the balcony to probably find Wheezie and tell her about the new gadget that you’ll probably have soon. Rafe sighed deeply, closing his eyes.
„And we should find a new dealer for Daddy.”
Taglist: @marvelfanfics1 @rafecameronsloverrrrr
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I saw one theory that Theoden was acting obtuse because he was worried that there'd be resistance against Eowyn leading because of her sex, and wanted the people to spell it out they wanted her. It'd be an interesting theory, and would fit, but the problem is that Tolkien never really gives an indication of that or any other reasoning or motive behind Theoden's word, leaving us with Theoden's words alone, which tells us that Theoden just forgot her.
Now a bit of logical reasoning is a fair thing to expect of a reader, we shouldn't need everything spelled out, but we do ned to be given something. For example, Theoden's silence over Theodred. We can reasonably imagine that Theoden was moved beyond words over his son's death, and his silence there would make sense.
If the narrative had drawn some attention to Theoden not saying anything about Theodred's death, if the silence had been given some moment of significance; say Theodred's name comes up and Theoden goes silent, or they ride past his grave or the place he fell and Theoden won't look at it, or just a line saying that Theoden wouldn't, couldn't, say Theodred's name, we would be able to reason from that that Theoden is too pained by Theodred's death to talk about him.
But the narrative is silent on Theoden's silence, so what we're left with is a father who never bothers mentioning his son or his death. Any love or grief Theoden feels is a presumption made on Theoden and the narrative's behalf. We choose to feel that Theoden grieves for Theoden because we think he should, because we've been told he was a good guy and a good guy would be sad about his son's death. Not because Theoden actually does or says anything to indicate any love, grief or remorse over Theodred's death.
It's the same with Eowyn. We can come up with theories to explain Theoden's line about Eomer being "the last of his house", we can try to come up with explanations as to that pretty damning insult. But these theories and explanations are entirely fanfic, the narrative gives us nothing except the line itself.
I'm gonna say it, this is a weakness in Tolkien's writing. That Theoden would have strained or selfish relationships with two family members, his son and his daughter, is not poor writing, and his conduct in regards to them makes for interesting characterisation. However, it conflicts with the character Tolkien is telling us he is. We are told that Theoden is kind, gentle, that he is a loving father, who loved Eowyn more than he would his own daughter.
That Theoden's treatment of two significant people in his life, the two people you'd expect to receive the better part of his kindness, completely goes against the reading of Theoden as a compassionate, gentle father, without any reasoning or significance applied to his conduct towards them, without any indication from the narrative that this was an intentional creative choice to have Theoden come across as cold or negligent, is a misstep in the writing.
We've agreed that Theoden is much more likable in the films, but there is an argument that in the films Theoden is also better written, or at the very least, the writers of the films did a better job at showing Theoden to be the man the narrative is telling us he is.
Imagine spending five years waiting hand and foot on a man, giving up your own dreams and ambitions, enduring the constant threat of rape, watching your loved ones suffer or ride away without you to peril and glory, having to be brave and strong at all times, knowing your service and sacrifices will never be sung of after your death, all this out of duty for a man you love and supposedly loves you, only for the man to miraculously recover, and for the first thing he says to you is to leave the room, and then he calls your brother the last of your house.
And then your brother wonders why you have a death wish.
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Hi! I don't know if I can ask you this (if I can't, please delete it and I'm sorry!). But would it be cool if you could to do a Mystic Gods, Same Face AUs with Boba or Jango? (I'd go with Boba because Fav, but I'm dying to see what you'd come up with for Jango), nsfw 👉👈
Let The World Burn
Summary: After your parents marry you off to a man old enough to be your grandfather, you find yourself unwilling to care about the state of the world. Drowning in misery and choking on your rage, you do the impossible.
Pairing: Jango Fett x F!Reader
Word Count: 2505
Warnings: Smut, reader is not having a good time before she meets Jango, reader sold into marriage
A/N: Hihi! Thank you for your request! As it happens, I have a half written Boba fic for this AU sitting somewhere, just waiting for Boba to come back from the war and settle into my brain so I can write him. I hope you like it!
Click HERE to be added to my taglist
It’s been ten years.
Ten years ago, today, your mother and father married you off to a man old enough to be your grandfather. You had been 18 years old at the time and, for some reason, believed that your parents had your best interests at heart.
That belief was quickly shattered on the day of your wedding. When you begged your mother to not make you do this, and she smacked you and told you to grow up and stop being selfish.
That specific moment was the moment you lost all faith in people as a whole.
Although, you’re one of the lucky ones. Your husband has no interest in children or a family. He married you because you’re young and attractive. “The perfect trophy wife,” he calls you as he gives you a couple thousand credits to get your hair done and have your nails done.
All you have to do is wear make-up, plaster a pretty smile on your face, and ensure that everything everyone does in his house is done to perfection. And, you’ve managed it.
You’re more than capable of managing your husband’s ridiculous expectations. You do the hair thing, and the nail thing, and the make-up thing. You’ve gotten so good at faking a smile that the other wives you regularly interact with genuinely think you’re happy.
And your husband is happy with you. Happy enough that your weekly allowance is nearly three thousand credits.
The truth is you hate them. Every single one of them. If you could get away with killing all of them, you would do it and you wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep.
“Wife,” You set the delicate mug you’ve been nursing for the last fifteen minutes to turn in your chair and regard your husband. “You’ve been staring out the window for several minutes.”
And it’s weird, and you need to stop, goes unsaid.
“Apologies, husband.” You offer lightly, “I was thinking that I should ask the landscapers to change the garden for this season. The roses did atrociously last spring, and I won’t have it this year.”
There’s the sound of a newspaper rustling, “As you like, wife.” He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and you’re about to cast your gaze back out over the garden, when he speaks again, “The other Moffs are having a gathering tonight. Formal wear only.”
You sigh silently, “I will check my spring wardrobe for an appropriate dress.”
“Good. You know what I like.”
“I will also ensure that your dress uniform has been pressed.”
“Good.” The room falls silent again, and you fold your hands lightly around the mug, helpless rage threatening to strangle you.
If only there was a way for you to be free.
Ah, well. Castles in the sky.
Later that evening, you find yourself sitting at a small table with several of the other wives. Your husband had been pleased with your choice of a dress, long and form-fitting, and a pale shade of blue that you accentuated with matching make-up and nail polish.
All in all, you look amazing. But then, so do the other women here.
You’re half listening to the woman on your left, you can’t for the life of you remember her name, as she talks about her most recent shopping trip. You wonder if she’s as vapid as she acts, or if it’s an act to keep herself safe.
Maker knows you’ve once had a whole conversation about nail polish with another spouse since you’re supposed to be a brainless trophy wife. So maybe they think you’re vapid too.
You murmur a quiet excuse to the women who are supposed to be your friends and slip out of the banquet hall. If anyone asks, you’ll tell them you need to check your make-up. But no one is going to ask.
Because no one cares.
You’ve been completely alone in the world since you were 18 years old. And it’s not fair.
You take a moment to slip your heels off, and then you pad down the hall. Escape is impossible, you know this, but maybe you’ll find a library. Or a garden. Or someplace where you can just be yourself for a moment or two.
Stars, do you even know who you are anymore? Probably not.
You push open a thick wooden door and pause as you enter the room. The room is large and grandly decorated. With a massive bed in the center of the room, though this doesn’t look like any bedroom you’ve ever seen in your life.
For one thing, the room is lit with braziers filled with blue flame. For another, weapons are covering a table against the far wall. You step into the room, and there’s the oddest sensation of someone watching you.
“Ah. So this is the Grand Moff’s kink room.” You murmur as you pad across the room to peer at the weapons, “Gross.” You pick up a blade and examine it carefully, “Maybe this is why he’s not married. Every time someone sells their daughter to him, he kills them.”
You pause, scrunch up your nose, and set the blade back on the table. “Or, I’ve been watching too much reality tv.” You’re not paying the most attention, though, and the dagger drags across the tips of your fingers. Blood pools on your fingertips, and then drops to the stone floor.
“Fuck,” You hiss, the familiar curse feeling unfamiliar on your lips after so long not using it. You stick your fingers in your mouth, to try and stop the bleeding.
It’s then that you notice that the feeling in the room has changed.
You turn to look at the room properly, your brow furrowed. You watch as the flames grow higher and higher, and you watch as the stone carving on the floor, which you hadn’t noticed until that moment, bursts into flames so bright that you have to throw your arm in front of your eyes to shield them.
You’re still blinking the spots out of your eyes when a warm hand presses against your cheek.
The man standing in front of you is not any of the Moffs in the building. He’s younger, with darker skin and curly hair. He’s also a lot more fit than most of the men you’ve interacted with over the last decade.
He’s also completely naked.
Your face flames and you immediately focus your gaze on the ceiling. Ironically, despite being married for ten years, you’ve never seen a naked man before.
The man releases a low chuckle, and you shiver at the sound, “There’s no need to be shy,” His gentle touch encourages you to bring your gaze back to him, “There you are.”
“I…who are you?” You ask, “I’ve never seen you before.”
He smiles, it’s a nice smile, “My name is Jango. I’m here because you summoned me.”
“...I did what now?”
His smile widens, “You summoned me. You’re the only person in the room, after all.”
“I…have so many questions.”
“I bet you do.” He drags his fingers down your bare arm, and then takes your hand in his. He glances at the rings on your fingers, and clicks his tongue, before removing both rings and tossing them into a brazier, “Married?”
“Unfortunately.” You’re still staring at him, “My parents sold me to my husband when I was 18.”
He hums in understanding, “Ask your questions.” Jango is still lazily touching you, his fingers trailing down your arms, and across the satiny material of your dress, before gliding up your bare back and across the back of your neck and down your throat.
“You said I summoned you?”
“You did. Not intentionally, perhaps, but you still did it.”
“Okay,” His fingers glide across your lips, “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re my priestess. You serve me, and I protect you.”
“Serve you how?”
He chuckles and moves even closer to you, and you should probably be nervous. Right? But you feel comfortable. Safe, even. It’s been a long time since you felt safe anywhere, let alone in the presence of a man.
“You can feel it, can’t you?” Jango’s voice is low.
And he’s right. You can feel something. A connection towards the man standing before you. You can feel his devotion to you, and it kind of makes you want to cry.
Jango’s fingers find the zipper on the back of your dress and he slowly pulls it down. You don’t stop him. You don’t even consider stopping him. His gaze remains locked on your face as he pushes the dress off your shoulders, “Tell me to stop,” He murmurs, “And I will.”
“I’ve never—”
“I know.” His lips glide across your cheek and down your jaw as your dress pools at your feet, “I’ll teach you.” Jango takes your heels from your hands and drops them on the floor, and then he guides you to the bed, “It’s better this way,” He murmurs as his lips move to hover over yours, “I don’t have to unteach you shame.”
Jango’s lips catch yours in a passionate kiss, and you eagerly surge into his touch. You feel cherished. Loved, even. You’ll give Jango anything, so long as he continues to make you feel like this.
He turns the both of you, so he’s able to sit on the edge of the bed, and he positions you so you’re standing between his spread legs. A glance at his cock reveals that he’s already hard, and there’s precum leaking down the side of his length.
You have the ridiculous notion that you want to taste him. Though the words seem to stick in your throat. You don’t even know how to ask if you’re allowed to.
Jango smoothly removes your panties and bra, both can be classified as lingerie, though he’s the only person who isn’t you, or the laundry staff, who’s ever seen them.
You jolt in surprise when his fingers dip between your thighs and find your clit with ease. “It’s okay,” He murmurs, “I’m going to make you feel amazing,” Jango kisses around one nipple, and then moves to the other, and you’re pretty sure he’s driving you insane.
“J-Jango, I don’t—”
He watches you calmly, his thumb moving in slow circles around your clit, “Tell me, priestess.”
“I don’t know what to do.” You whisper, helplessly.
He laughs softly, though you know instinctively that he’s not laughing at you, “I’ll teach you. Don’t worry.”
His thumb continues its slow and steady movement, and you find yourself clenching around nothing. For a moment, you worry that your legs are going to give out, but Jango seems to be attuned to you, because the next thing you know, you’re straddling his lap.
Slowly he eases you down his cock, a heavenly groan escaping his lips as he settles you completely on him. You feel full, so full. And you can’t help but wrap your arms around his neck and press your face against his shoulder.
“There we go,” he murmurs as he strokes your back and lightly thrusts up into you. How he’s managing that with you sitting on him, you’re not sure, but you’re also pretty sure you’ll figure it out, “Such a good girl,” Jango praises.
His words send lightning down your spine, and you release a quiet moan as you clench around him.
He pauses and then his arms tighten around you, “Taking me so good,” Jango continues praising, “Like you were made for me. So good.”
You whine quietly, “Jango—”
He chuckles and grips your hips tightly so he’s able to bounce you on his cock, “I’m going to take such good care of you, Princess.” Jango breathes, his voice heavy against your ear, “You’re never going to go without.”
He feels so good, you didn’t know it was possible to feel this good. You clench around him tightly and accidentally drag your nails down his back, pulling a pleased groan from him.
“There we go, cyar’ika. Mark me as yours,” One of his hands slides up your back to fist in your perfectly curled hair, pulling you back so he’s able to crash his lips against yours.
Jango’s tongue slides against your lips, and then presses passed your lips to map out the inside of your mouth, and you immediately submit to him, your arms tightening around him.
He breaks the kiss, though he keeps his lips just over yours, “Tell me, beautiful.” Jango’s hand dips between you and presses roughly against your clit, pulling a strangle moan from you, “What do you want?”
You hear him, but you’re not able to answer. There’s a coil tightening inside you and you’re so close. So very close that, when Jango stops thrusting into you and stops pressing against your clit, you almost sob.
“Shh, shh,” He kisses you slowly, gently, “I’m going to give you what you need, I promise.” Jango presses his forehead against yours, “What do you want?” He repeats.
You know, instinctively, that he’s not talking about sex.
“I…I want,” You whisper, a whimper falling from you as he starts to slowly thrust into you, “I want them all to burn.” It’s the first time you’ve ever admitted it out loud, but Jango looks pleased with your wish.
He starts thrusting harder and faster, his lips closing over yours in a deep kiss that seems designed to steal the breath from your lungs, and with a press of his thumb against your clit, you clench around him and cum with a muffled whimper.
Jango’s pace becomes a little harder and a little faster, as he chases his release, then there’s warmth as he spills his seed deep inside you. He flips the pair of you so that you’re lying on the bed, and then he pulls out of you.
You’re breathing heavily, and you’re trying to reengage your brain, but you seem to be struggling with it a little bit. You watch Jango watch you, his gaze locked on your pussy, a hungry look on his handsome face.
And then his gaze meets yours again, “Stay here,” It is both an order and a request, “I’m not done with you yet.”
You blink at him, “Where are you going?”
The smile he directs at you is vicious, “You have a wish, and I’m going to fulfill it.” He leans over you and brushes some hair out of your face, “You want them to burn, so they’re going to burn.”
Your breath catches in your throat, “You don’t have to—”
“My beautiful priestess,” He kisses you again, “I am the God of Vengence. I’m happy to do it.” Jango presses one more kiss against your lips, and then he turns to the door. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Then Jango is gone, and you stare at the closed door for a moment wondering if, when he comes back, he’ll let you suck his cock. That’s a good reward for killing the people you hate the most, right?
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#star wars#star wars legends#star wars au#jango fett x reader#jango x reader#star wars fanfiction#x reader fanfiction#f!reader fic#18+ fic#nsft#same face gods au#answered asks
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So I'm not really that into Arcane fandom or anything like that but is anyone else a little worried for how season 2 is progressing thus far? I'm not talking about the apparent Caitlyn vitriol that some people are falling into- god forbid you have complex characters am I right. But watching the first act of season 2 it's all so terribly rushed and not in the same way season 1 had fast pacing but with tight writing to make up for it.
Spoilers for the first 3 episodes ahead but the fact that we barely even get to know the new enforcer characters that come to Zaun annoys me. The most we have is the girl introducing herself to Vi. The other two aren't even named in the show let alone have any sort of personality. For the big shield guy why is he even allowed to be an enforcer???? Sir you were seemingly living on the streets drinking away your problems last I checked with no indication you were or wanted to be an enforcer. The kid that follows Jinx around doesn't even have any sort of lines until episode 3- which would be fine if it was clearly a deliberate choice for her character but considering that the show is trying to juggle so much it just feels like she fell to the wayside.
I'm also very much not a fan of how the 2nd season is structuring its storylines thus far- certain scenes loose their tension because they're so intercut with other scenes happening simultaneously- take the vi and jinx fight for example. Like I get it you wanted to show how them interacting with the run was actively interfering with the fight but the constant cuts back and forth leave a bad taste in my mouth. The structure they use for the various sections with music overplaying them are hit or miss to me- some I love, some I think should have been actual scenes with dialogue.
I'm also really sad to see them seemingly rush over bits of character development we really need to see. Like take Vi- her not wanting to be an enforcer is 200% justifiable and believable, we haven't been shown anything about how the enforcers work that would give Vi a reason to want to join. And then after the attack in episode 1 she silently comes to a decision to join which fine, I can buy her wanting to help now that Zaun is conducting terrorist attacks. But she just agreed to the plan to use the gray against the people of Zaun???? Really???? Vi did??? Shouldn't Vi, someone who is only joining the enforcers out of desperate necessity, be way more critical of any use of force in the undercity? There's even little things like when Caitlyn arrests the henchman I was expecting Vi to stand up for him because almost *everyone* in the undercity is some sort of criminal so that they can survive. But no it just turns into Vi asking them to ditch the side characters we know absolutely nothing about.
Speaking of Vi- for the record the cait/vi kiss in my opinion was stupidly forced in. I would have liked to see their relationship develop this season because in season 1 I could see the beginning of something there. I really loved the moment in the first episode where it's only when seeing Vi that Caitlyn breaks down a little because Vi is someone she can trust to be open with. Great stuff to further develop- oh no they're kissing after no development just to make the immediately following break up more dramatic? Great yay yippee representation -_- Don't get me wrong I would have loved to see it develop into a romance but not in episode 3 with no buildup (1st season does not count as buildup to me for an actual romantic relationship).
This is also somewhat petty but I do hate the fact that Ambessa is revealed to be behind the memorial attack in episode 3- I much would have preferred for that information to be revealed to the audience alongside whatever character discovers it. Revealing it like that is dramatic, sure, but I feel like it ruins the mystery of Ambessa's morality in a way that is not satisfying.
All in all I'm not the happiest with these first 3 episodes but we'll have to see how the other 2 arcs go before making any judgement calls overall.
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#criticism#mae rambles#idk im just really unsatisfied with these first 3 episodes#i had hoped with them declaring this as the final season for this story#and with seemingly proper development time given to the team#that we would get an even greater successor to the 1st season right off the bat#bc if they know this is the ending then that means they had a very tight storyline planned out#but at this rate act 1 absolutely needed another episode to properly flesh out its shit and maybe not have things get sidelined or rushed#idk idk like i said final judgements will have to wait until the whole show is out
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i just read ur reader piercing naoya's ear fic and i was wondering can u write smth about naoya finding out reader got their belly button pierced? xx
Hello!!!
Did someone say smut? because that's what we got. I think hehe. I'm still somewhat uncomfortable writing it but you know what they say!! practice makes perfect 🙈🙈🙈 Anyways, thank you so much for your patience and for sending this ask!!!!! 🥺 it took me a while to get an idea of what I wanted to write, but here we are :> I hope its to your liking!
Also, I believe this is the fic anon is referring to :> If not then gee I've written more about piercings that I've ever expected lol.
warnings: smut. MINORS DNI. you get a piercing and decide to... act weird about it. naoya does not like it :)
Happy reading!
How you managed to hide your piercing from his ever-wandering hands is a commendable feat, even after all went down, you still don’t know how you did it.
Though all this could’ve been easily avoided in the first place if you hadn’t convinced yourself to do it after seeing a particular photoshoot and thinking “I can look just as good.”
As well as believing this would further spice up your life with Naoya. Like it wasn’t spiced enough!
But only after you surpass both your embarrassment and heal; unfortunately, the former only growing stronger and stronger upon realizing this was far more than what you bargained for.
You initially try to play it off as being sick whenever he gets too close. Not in the mood, even. “I’m dizzy.” “My head hurts.” “I’m on my period.” Are just a few of the excuses you deployed.
And your loving husband, always the (surprisingly) patient one, takes it, because he supposes that for his ever-willing wife he could allow these exceptions. Thus, right after you reject him, he cuddles up to you and falls asleep.
However, his tolerance quickly ends when understanding this wasn’t to be a 1-week occurrence. But rather, a monthly endeavor that soon turned his everyday into utter punishment.
Naoya frantically attempted to make sense of it all. Think that perhaps the reason behind your distance was because of some unknown issue that troubled your mind; you always tended to keep things to yourself, even if he’s countlessly assured you he could fix all of your problems—he just needs to know them first.
…
But even then… Naoya could not understand how easily you were able to detach from him. Because to him… to do so meant death itself.
The problem wasn’t him. It couldn’t be. Naoya had more than enough means to keep you satisfied however you needed it, and he made sure of that too.
Thus, at the lack of answers, he begins to feel threatened. Intimidated. Replaceable.
And we all know how Naoya gets when feeling such way.
“Princess, you will explain yourself—now.” Naoya demands, his abrupt, towering presence forcing you deeper into the bedroom, nowhere to escape.
“I don’t—I don’t know what you’re talking about!” You gasp, a blatant lie that only served to bury you deeper into your mistakes.
“Oh, no. I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, mochi.”
If you hadn’t transgressed Naoya, you would’ve found his approach very, very inciting.
Unfortunately, even if you wished to go down that path, your dear husband was far too infuriated by your ridiculous behavior to consider anything else that wasn’t confronting you.
“Why are you avoiding me? And don’t even try to get out of this one, I’ve been patient enough.”
You knew this moment was fast approaching; only a matter of time before you ran out of excuses… or patience to abuse.
There’s only so much he’s willing to tolerate before he… well, you don’t want to think about it.
“I’m just… I just— I don’t know how to tell you…” you breathe.
“How to tell me what?”
“Do you promise to not get angry at me?”
“I’m not sure if I can promise that.” He frowns. You swallow.
“…at least not too much?”
Naoya squints his eyes, as if considering it. You knew he wouldn’t, you were in the wrongdoing after all.
“Just don’t judge me, please.” You eventually profess, and after taking one last breath, you reach for your obi and untie it, careful to not reveal too much but just enough to show the bare skin of your abdomen—
And the shiny addition to your navel.
Naoya couldn’t hold back his laughter.
“Is that all, princess?” He chuckles loudly, like you just told him the funniest joke he’s ever heard. You do not find it amusing. “Is that the reason why you’ve been avoiding me??”
“Y—yeah I—I guess!” You frown, cheeks burning hot. “Don’t make fun of me, I was really hesitant whether to tell you or not!”
“Really? For this silly little thing?”
“It wasn’t silly to me, Naoya!” you cry.
“Alright, alright—I didn’t mean to upset you.” He says, curiously attempting to reach for your piercing before you smack him away. “Hey!”
You glance away, placing your obi back in place.
“Come on now, you don’t have to hide it from me.” Naoya smirks, stepping closer. “Hey, princess—”
“It’s still healing.” You quietly explain; a partial reasoning behind your dismissal.
“Ah, so you’re telling me you wouldn’t like me to help you?” He enticed, you retreated further into the wall; if possible. “I have more than enough experience with piercings, there’s no one in the estate more qualified than me.”
“Don’t misinterpret my words, you know I didn’t mean... that.” You caution, though he spoke nothing but the truth.
“Is that a yes?” Naoya continues, placing his fingers under your chin and pulling your gaze back to his.
“…only if you don’t make fun of me.” You eventually agree, and he seals the deal with a chaste kiss on your lips, followed by a tight hug that has you whining in pain. “Na—Naoya!”
“Oh, princess, I’m sorry.” Naoya says, quickly releasing you. “You poor thing… is this how it’s been since?”
You nod.
“Well, you’re in good hands now; and luckily for you, I know just the right thing that will ease your pain.”
Had you known Naoya would completely dedicate his time to make sure you weren’t passing any discomfort, then maybe you would’ve told him of your small endeavor from the very beginning.
It just… to see him so enthralled by your impulsive decision, you couldn’t help but wonder how different everything would’ve been if you had decided otherwise.
As well as how much you exaggerated your worries; hadn’t your husband consistently proven how far he’s willing to go just to make you happy?
From whatever craving you desired (but nothing that would hinder your healing process) to the endless kisses he’d place on your navel—as if he weren’t sufficiently hypnotized by your body, your piercing heightened that desire—Naoya was all yours. Completely allured.
But mostly by the rush he got at being the only person to know of the debauchery that hid beneath the pristine, meek and obedient look you carried around the estate; fitting to the wife of the future leader of the Zen’in— the same woman many admire by her gentleness, how you’re his living contrast, his better half; never daring to be as outrageous at he is!
If only they knew the truth.
No. It was better if they didn’t. He’d fervently keep all this enjoyment for himself.
“St—stop, Naoya!” you cry, squirming beneath his touch that roamed across your body, caressing the places where he’d like to taint next, such as your now sensitive nipples, which he’d squeeze and pinch incessantly for you to suffer in the following days.
Or your twitching clit, grazing it with no particular desire outside of tormenting you with pleasure. Remind you who really was in charge of your mere existence.
Yet, nothing compared to the way his cock plunged into your warm, tight walls—choking him so painfully exquisite, Naoya can’t help but moan whenever you do. Keeping your hips steady as he gives you all that he could not these past few months—blinding your sight with stars when bruising that one spot that always has you coming undone, which you desperately grasp whenever possible, wanting to steady that agonizing sensation.
Because as cruelly as your husband teased you, you equally desired to pour out all the desire you bottled up by a silly fear, let him enjoy the gift that was always meant for him. Your role in this marriage.
“It—it hurts—Naoya—!” you whimper, a profession Naoya was quick to interject as a lie given the way your cunt refused to stop milking him.
“Hmmm, it does, doesn’t it?” He breathes against your skin, placing ardent kisses across your cheek down to your neck as his hands reached for one of your nipples once more, giving it a particularly tight pinch that made you squeal.
“N—Naoya—!”
“Would it hurt here too, if you got a piercing?” he ponders curiously, another wave of excitement travelling all the way down to his member, which you felt grow even harder, bigger at the thought. Hips unwavering as if he were attempting to drill the proposition deeper and deeper into you.
Naoya was pretty much depraved when it came to your breasts, his hands or mouth always on them whenever possible; So, with this, you fear your chest will never know peace again.
But it doesn’t frighten you. In fact, you are willing to entertain such an idea. Endure the pain that follows this decision—for him to completely succumb to you.
“Would you do that for me, princess?” Naoya gasps, plummeting faster, stronger into you in that familiar sloppy way that signaled to you he was dangerously close.
You instinctively, as if second nature, wrap your legs around him, keeping him close, right there, followed by the agonizing tightness of you walls that soon make his voice tremble—stopping any silly consideration he might’ve had of spilling his seed anywhere else except where you deserved… though Naoya never entertained otherwise.
“Show how much you truly love me, by—by doing this?” he gasps, firmly shutting his eyes to not urge his release at the sight of your bouncing breasts.
“N—Naoya—!” you gasp, pulling him closer to you and captivating his lips in a heated kiss. Moaning into his mouth as your tongues intertwined with one another. “Ah—Naoya~! I—”
“Ple—Please, Y/N!” He suddenly begins to beg, now delirious with pleasure. “Please—Please do it for me, princess, you don’t know how happy this would make me—how much I wanted this!”
The combination of your devotion, your sweet whines, the tightness of your core, and the eagerness in the markings in his back is his ultimate downfall, just a few more thrusts and the first spurts of his burning seed spill deep within you—ropes of white covering your walls which you welcome almost jealously, as if wasting the smallest drop was the highest sacrilege.
And to a longing mother, it just might—but beneath your desires of a family, you wished to welcome back the husband your actions had unwillingly estranged: his intoxicating scent, the strength he’s amassed throughout years thanks to his strict routine, his burning touch tracing your skin with invisible lines…
But most importantly, his love, which you tightly held onto as he came down from his high, resting on your chest as he lets out a deep sigh, still plugged into you, just as he’d done the past few times in hopes his seed will finally take root. Naoya wishes to be a father too, and the thought always makes your heart flutter.
It’s the look of a man well satisfied. A man that has wholeheartedly committed to you, body and soul…
A husband that deserves to be rewarded, consoled. Urging you to speak coherently for the first time that night and let him know he no longer stands alone.
“I’ll do it.” You say, Naoya snuggles closer to you.
“Hm?”
“The piercing thing. I’ll do it, if that’s what you want.”
“The… oh.” Naoya blinks, moments of his passion suddenly flash back to his mind. Wouldn’t be the first time he’s spoken at the heat of the moment, nor the last.
“Do you really… want me to do that?” you murmur hesitantly. “Get another piercing?”
And for a few seconds, the two remain in complete silence, whether enjoying the intimacy he’s been cruelly deprived from, or considering your words… it didn’t matter. Neither wanted this moment to stop.
It was simply… perfect. Just the two, with each other’s heartbeat to fill the quietness in the room—and the doubts in your mind.
“No.” Naoya eventually confesses, placing a kiss on your skin. “I do not.”
Because as much as the idea enthralled him, he didn’t want to force anything on you. Certainly not for a piece of metal.
“You’re perfect to me like this. With or without piercings.”
Your heart tightens at his words.
“You don’t mind the one I already have, then?” you ask, he laughs. As if it hadn’t just shown you.
“No. Not at all; I didn’t think you could be any hotter, and yet, here you are… proving me wrong, my adorable lava cake.”
You frown at the gross nickname, playfully smacking him on the shoulder.
“Hey! What’s with the aggression?” He jests, but you simply hug him tighter, closer to you. “Is that how you treat the husband that had so lovingly filled you with his seed—"
“Shut up, don’t be crude!” You say, resting your head on his. After a few moments of silence, calming down, you declare: “…I love you.”
Naoya lets out a breathy chuckle, succumbing to your affection moments before his slumber.
“I love you more, my little mochi.”
Oh, how could you ever doubt his affection?
I always suspected Y/N to be more of a tattoo kind of person; idk why, but I think it would complement each other nicely too. Naoya is with the piercings, and you with the tattoo's. We all known which one he'd like.
Also, I will never tire myself of writing Naoya as completely gross with you. Like, the mere thought of you hiding such a simple piercing from him is OOF he loves it. I mean, without the constant pushing him away lol But yeah, watching you walk around in one of those traditional yukatas with your hair all pulled up in the most appropriate way ever, looking to appease the Zen'in only for him to be like:
"Yeah, you see her? No one would suspect my wife has her nipples pierced." IS SUCH a HUGE turn on to him. Maybe you do get them later on, who knows? 😏
Anyways, I hope you liked this small thing I wrote 🫣 I shall continue to strive improving my smut skills, sometimes I get so inspired, sometimes... I don't even know what I'm doing :'(
Well, still; I wish y'all enjoy it. Take care and hope to see you soon ❤️❤️❤️
#ask#naoya zenin#naoya zen'in#naoya x reader#naoya zenin x reader#naoya zenin x you#jjk naoya#naoya zen'in x reader#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#prompt series: jujutsu kaisen
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Happy birthday Akito!!
(Disclaimer: This post contains personal opinions, headcanons, and interpretations regarding Akito and content related to him, and is not particularly analytical. Also it may be a bit incoherent and unserious at times... it's a quite lighthearted post.) Hello everyone! Today I am not posting an essay, but rather, a regular post about my favorite character since it's his birthday today. He's a very special character to me, and I wanted to write something to show how much I love and appreciate him... despite how much he makes me suffer in gachas... you evil creature. *coughs* Anyways, let's get to it! Time to talk about my beloved ginger, Akito Shinonome.
0. Why Akito Shinonome?
(I've already talked plenty and very in-depth about him before in The Gay Akito Thesis™, and some things may be repeated here.) Akito is an extremely special character to me; I think I can safely say he's currently my favorite character ever. Back when I first saw him (in a picture with Touya), my first thought was "wow they're ugly"... unfortunately there's a funny trend where, whenever I call a character ugly, they're likely to become one of my favorites of that series. And, as expected, he did. Truthfully, I don't think he's ugly at all (neither is Touya)... but that was my first impression of them; I saw the picture was right after reading the Nocturne Touya's side story conversation, and I didn't expect those designs at all. Although I should say Akito is very much my type of character appearance-wise. Either way, the story was quite gay, and that was enough to get me a bit interested in them... though I wouldn't get into Sekai until around five months later. The first proper content I saw of them was actually Akito's 3✰ card from A Song of Vows For You, Dressed in Pure White! (Touya's first mixed event), and also Akito's line from Vivid BAD SQUAD's main story's chapter 19:
🥞 Oh, shut up already. Don’t go makin’ this complicated. I want to be with you, and you want to be with me as well. And after that, our dream will come true. … Isn’t that enough?
Unfortunately (or not?), this was enough to get me properly interested in him and the game, and shortly after I got into Project Sekai, then started playing the game itself around a month later despite not having ever played a rhythm game before. One thing I regret to admit is that I had a very different first impression of him from what he's really like: I was led to believe that he was a sort of dudebro "no homo" flirt / charmer character, with deep issues and homosexual tendencies... because that's sort of the type of character I often fall for, which makes me mad but that's not really important... Though, technically, I wouldn't say the description is really wrong; he kind of is a bit dudebro, in the way he acts like a teenage boy who tries so hard to be masculine, and also "no homo" for the aforementioned reason and also trying to hide his insecurities and "weaknesses"; he has a charming side, shown as his "good boy" mode, putting on a nice face in order to avoid unnecessary trouble; and both deep issues and, god, absolutely homosexual tendencies. As much as I dislike it, I understand why people mischaracterize him like this: this is more or less the first impression he gives, and I too fell for it (although in my case it was more word of mouth)... but I think people should learn to read and actually get to know Akito rather than to keep mischaracterizing him. But, Akito's writing is sort of poetic, since he gives one impression to people and they assume things about him, but he's actually a different way, and the fact that it happens both in-game and to actual players is funny. I quite like this. I believe he's more or less designed the way he is to appeal to people that like this kind of character, but what I like about Akito is that he subverts those tropes and becomes something much more interesting than a typical charming guy with issues. Upon reading stories, I realized Akito's not as shallow or simple as I was lead to believe... he's actually a pretty complex character and... with many issues. I found him quite fascinating. The fact that he's a character whose entire point is that there's a lot more to him than meets the eye — that he's actually someone who works very hard and is very passionate about what he does, and wants to prove everyone wrong and show that he can actually do and get past what he has set himself to do, is all so good. He will surpass everyone's expectations and show just how amazing he really is. Although I'm repeating myself here, it's very poetic that he has proven me wrong and surpassed my initial expectations... and not just my initial expectations, but he always surprises me with his new developments. He's a character that just keeps growing, with every new focus actually fleshing him out further, and showing just how complex he is. I love it a lot... I love Akito so much.
His character development is simply wonderful. Going from someone who had no skill or talent at all, but still trying his best because he suddenly found something he wants to dedicate his life to, not stopping at anything and always pushing forward, no matter what. In his events, he learns that it's okay to rely on others and how he doesn't have to rush ahead of the people that share his dream; later becoming more clear the power of working with others that share your goal, allowing to create something amazing together; that he is fine as he is and how everyone has gone through obstacles, even those he admires, letting him know that he is doing well; and, after all his hard work and improving so much, learning to trust his emotions and listening to his heart, he becomes someone that is respected by others and even becomes a source of inspiration, the same way that he was inspired by others in the past... therefore creating a chain of inspiration.
Now in his recent event, after finally accomplishing his dream and surpassing RAD WEEKEND, Akito has sort of burnt out; with the grand goal that he had set his eyes on finally achieved, his flame sort of extinguishes. Although he knows what he wants to do next (conquering the world, and singing alongside his partner and teammates), Akito doesn't have something that truly motivates him like surpassing RAD WEEKEND did. But, after a talk with KAITO, who tells Akito that the world is big and that he will eventually find something or someone that makes his heart beat again, like RAD WEEKEND did in the past; and then facing off one of two extremely talented twins and being talked down to for not giving it his all due to his lack of motivation — Akito regains his momentum, not willing to be stepped on by others, and realizing that, as KAITO said, there is so much world he hasn't seen, and his new "motivation" is to keep pushing ahead, in order to eventually find something that motivates him, once again — find a fuel to rekindle his flame, so to say. I mentioned it to a friend the other day when he said that Rekindle the flame is the epitome of Akito's character, but pretty much every event is the epitome of his character; all his development piles up with each new one.
It's just... so good. He has a very cohesive character, both in arc and development, and with each event you learn more and more of why Akito is the way he is. Such a wonderful and fascinating character. I really like how he doesn't give up and just pushes ahead, relying on his instincts and what he feels is right (although not thinking things through sometimes comes back to bite him in the ass), listening to his heart and his emotions. It's also fun how extreme he is, both in the way he thinks and the way he talks, always saying stuff along the lines of "I'll do this until my heart stops beating!"... boy don't be so dramatic. He's passionate, dedicated, true to himself, and loyal. He also has his bad side, such as being reckless, mainly keeping to himself and those he trusts (mainly his partner), and a bit foul-mouthed. His complexity is just so great, a character with a duality both within himself and also with his partner, as I talked about in my previous essay. Speaking of... I haven't even talked about a very important part of Akito's character yet: his partner, Touya. Touya is an extremely important person to Akito, the person that has been there for him from the beginning, always supporting him and walking by his side, no matter what; the one he shared his dream with and who he wanted to reach it with above anybody else; Touya's not just his best friend, but also the one and only partner he will ever have. Saying Akito is in love with Touya (whether platonic or romantic) wouldn't be an exaggeration — from the first moment he set his eyes on Touya, from the moment Akito first heard him sing, he knew he wanted to sing with Touya; then after singing with him, it became clear to Akito: Touya was the person he wanted to surpass his dream alongside with. Even though Akito wasn't actively looking for a partner, he ended up finding someone that he'd forever trust and cherish, until the end of time — always together.
I've already written about it a lot before, but Akito and Touya have an extremely sweet relationship, one of mutual love, trust, and support — with a very close bond and knowing each other the most, they have a connection deeper than with anybody else in the world; they know with just a simple look how the other's feeling or what's going through their head. Relying on one another and pushing each other forward both through mutual support but also a desire to surpass each other, they help each other grow... and that's what being partners is all about. They're the best partner they both could ask for. To say they are inseparable would be putting it lightly, they are pretty much together all the time and do everything together... they want to be together, with each other, no matter what. They're simply made for each other. I really enjoy their relationship a lot. Despite being "simple" and mostly established, they're just very sweet together and, even today, still manage to find ways to have their relationship grow even if it's subtle things. As they individually grow, so does their relationship, and I think that's so great. Have I said yet they're my favorite relationship in the game? Because it is. It's also very cute how Akito has such a soft spot for Touya; many of the things he normally wouldn't do, as he usually avoids contact with most people, are due to him giving in to Touya. And also how, lately, Akito lowkey tries to fish for praise from Touya (as seen in both the historical Let It Ring! Beautiful Sound!'s Touya card's side story, where he sets up a study date with Touya but doesn't need Touya's help at all and wanted to show off; and in Rekindle the flame Chapter 4, where he tells Touya unprompted that he already did his homework), but it backfires and he gets flustered when Touya gives a more genuine and embarrassing response than expected... Man. They're so cute. They make me lowkey mad.
☕️ Akito, you… You actually studied properly…!! 🥞 Whoa--?! 🎤 That smile on Touya's face, I've never seen anything like it… 🍷 He's smiling… 🍌 Wow! I've never seen Touya smile like that before! 🥞 …Well, after surpassing the legend, it'd be lame if I failed…
(^ This could kill a grown man.) Akito has his cute sides, like the aforementioned giving in to Touya's demands and also lowkey wanting to be praised by his partner for doing a good job; he also has "moe aspects", like his moe sleeves (the sleeves of his clothes covering his hands quite often), or how, despite his "scary" and cool appearance, he's afraid of dogs and also likes sweet food (with pancakes 🥞 being his defining food). To finish off, I like how hard he tries despite nothing going his way, and everyone rejecting him at first, and now becomes a source of inspiration for others; and just how much he grows as more time passes. I also like how much he cares about Touya and his other close ones, even if he's reluctant to show it often, especially towards the latter... and so on. In summary, I love him a lot. There's likely quite a few things I forgot to mention, but there's so much about him that I like... Akito is simply a wonderful and fascinating character.
Leaving that aside, I also wanted to talk a bit about headcanons... but my main headcanon for him is Akito being homosexual, and I have a whole thesis written for that. The gay Akito headcanon is just so special to me because, as a gay man myself, I normally view characters I like as gay, and sometimes the headcanon feels a bit forced... but Akito being gay just fits so well into his narrative and story, and I'd say even enhances it, which makes me very happy. He's just... so homosexual to me. It's definitely not canon (it is to me), and likely never will be (although you have to be blind to not notice just how utterly gay he acts), but it's a very important headcanon to me nonetheless. As I always say, his relationship with Touya is not inherently romantic, but goddamn if they don't act like a couple so often; it's just so easy to interpret it as romantic. It drives me crazy. Their extremely close and deep bond, and how much they love and support each other, and their already established relationship by the time main story starts, makes them seem like an old married couple that already knows each other so well and don't really need words to communicate or know how the other feels... and yet, they still have so much room to grow and learn about each other... it's just great. Besides that, I don't have too many headcanons, I'm a quite canonpilled person; but curiously, some of the few ones I have kind of... became actually canon?
Love at first sight Akito — I always believed Akito was the first one to fall for Touya (whether platonic or romantically), and that Touya "fell harder", in fandom terms; and Len's World Link chapter actually showed us the moment Akito first met Touya and, well. He genuinely fell for him on first sight. Again, it doesn't have to be necessarily romantic, but the way he was like "... I can't take my eyes off him." and kept visiting that one place where he met that cool guy that sings really well, looking for the perfect chance to chat with him (and then deliver his lame not-really-pick-up "Hey, you look interesting. Wanna sing together?" line)... very much feels like a lovestruck boy. I don't believe he actually realizes he's in love with Touya until much later, but this was still a very shocking revelation. Love at first sight Akito is real. Cat Akito — This one was mainly based on canon content, as ultimately "What animal would this character be?" isn't that serious, but cat Akito just makes the most sense for him for the many reasons I've explained in previous essays: the "default orange cat" appearance (orange hair with green eyes); the actual orange cat that always appears around Touya and is incredibly fond of it; canonically being afraid of dogs, a trait often associated with cats due to their "rivalry"; nekokaburi, meaning "to don a cat's mask", which has actually been used to describe Akito's "double-faced" nature and being similar to how cats act nice but may actually be mean, and so on. Akito "being a cat that acts like a dog / wants to be a dog" just makes so much sense for him. He lives in a world surrounded by dogs, and the people around him are often dog-like (like An, Ken-san, KAITO, the white boy twins, and arguably Touya), with Akito clashing with and/or respecting them. Despite being afraid of dogs, he respects them and would like to be as cool and strong as them, and so he often acts dog-like or even actually tries to be a dog (such as choosing a wolf avatar during close game/OFFLINE), with cards also showing him depicted as similar to a dog (his Kick it up a notch card's trained illustration). Anyways, sorry, I went on a little ramble: in Rekindle the flame (in one of Kohane's card stories), however, we actually get a character directly stating that Akito's very much like a cat, which is as close as we get to confirmation of Akito being meant to be a cat. (We also got animal assignments for An and Touya, those being dog and panda respectively; along with Kohane always having been a hamster, we now have official animal assignments for everyone in Vivid BAD SQUAD) Technically, the previous times Akito was assigned an animal (like wolf) were he himself choosing an animal, so him being perceived by others as a cat is probably more correct; however, I kind of believe that dog isn't wrong and may even be more appropriate. If Akito wants to be a dog and says he's a dog, even if he's a cat, then he's a dog!! So neither choice is wrong, after all. ... In short: cat Akito is kind of canon now! But it's really not that serious. It's fine to see him as a dog, and if that's what he wants to be, then he's a dog to me. Even if he's actually a cat? Yeah... you're crazy man. And then some minor headcanons, such as AuDHD Akito (people often see him as having ADHD, which very much makes sense, but I think this boy is also a bit autistic; him and his hyperfixation on RAD WEEKEND...), or being insomniac / has a hard time sleeping a whole night without waking up once, or even appearance headcanons like freckles. These are mostly projecting myself a bit onto him, but I believe (at least the first two) make sense for him and fit his character and personality. I mainly like headcanons that have a canon foundation, pretty much.
1. My favorite Akito cards
Next, I'd like to talk about my favorite Akito cards, and what I like about them:
4☆ Inheritance Flame
Wonderful card. The untrained illustration is so bright, and the scene it represents was so beautiful... Akito finally figuring everything out, and being so thankful to Ken-san for everything that he did for him. It's a very gorgeous and meaningful illustration. As for the trained illustration, even though it's not that special for what it looks like (although I still like it a lot), I really like it for the symbolism of "finding the exit" (with FIND THE EXIT being the name of the event gacha itself); Akito finding himself and figuring out that he has to let out his emotions and not be so harsh on himself, and also using how he truly feels to enhance his singing. Furthermore, it also represents how, in the event story, he's the one leading Vivid BAD SQUAD back to their path of surpassing RAD WEEKEND once again after Taiga previously defeated them, and taking the first step to finally holding their event, now that they have a proper plan of attack. The card also symbolizes how now Akito becomes a source of inspiration to others (such as Kotaro in the event itself), his endeavor and all his hard work being an inspiration to others to follow their dreams. Furthermore, I have my own interpretation of Akito's painted nails (which I often talk about, tbh), because it's the first card that depicts Akito wearing painted nails. Considering his relationship with his own masculinity and gender, and often acting stereotypically masculine, but painted nails commonly being considered "feminine" and a thing for girls, I like to use this as fuel for my gay Akito headcanon, and interpret it as Akito becoming more comfortable in how he presents himself and trying out new things, since in BURN MY SOUL he learns to not be so harsh on himself and trusting and showing his emotions more... therefore painting his nails to try being more comfortable and proud of the fact that he's gay, and not viewing it as a "weakness" or something to be ashamed of. (Also that random rainbow in the card kind of drives me crazy. Why is there a rainbow there? How is it forming? There is no water. What's it reflecting from. Just... huh??) Also the costume is great. I look at this outfit and think "Damn... that's a guy gay" (lighthearted, of course). Love the combination of black and orange; the orange really stands out with the fully black outfit. Also those boots are wonderful; between the orange nails (very bold and epic color choice) and the boots, this is peak gay fashion. So, yeah, it's a very beautiful card. I like it a lot.
4☆ A Terrifying Game of Tag
Not much to say about the untrained. Baby Akito is cute. The origin of his fear of dogs... fun scene. Anyways, the trained illustration is very good, I like it a lot. It's just... such a fun card. Akito in his cards has historically always looked "cool" or "handsome" or "intimidating", among other things, but this is the first time he gets a card where the main intention is looking cute... this is a very cute card...! Between the small blush... the fang... the moe sleeves... the puppy... Akito and his favorite food (pancakes), which is also a cute part of him... it's just so adorable. Also, as an extra detail, his choker being shaded blueish in the card. Yeah, why not? It can be a little gay too. Furthermore, there's the fun irony of turning the guy who's scared of dogs into one. Rise as ONE! is all about Akito facing his fear of dogs and interacting with the dog owners of the cast (Minori and Honami... and Rui with his robot dog, I suppose), and the card set turning all of them into dogs. Going on a brief tangent here: people often use this card as proof that Akito is "definitely a dog", but to me it feels more like a joke / funny set than anything. Rather than an actual dog, he's giving more "(cat)guy that has been turned into a dog as divine punishment". This guy is not pleased to be a dog...!! While he's very dog-coded, and it's fine to see him as a dog (as I explained earlier), it's not as simple as "he's a dog and nothing else". That's just wrong. He is more complex than that!!! Though, who cares... he can be a dog, it's not that serious. The only thing to take into account, though, is that if Akito's a dog, so is Touya. That's all. Anyways... costume-wise, it's so wonderful. The outfit itself is very cute, and the small dog tail is really cute. Unfortunately, considering the tail is orange, you can only really use this costume on Akito... that's perhaps the main issue of this card set's costumes. Regardless, I really like it. It pulls off mixing the adorable concept (with the oversized sweater and moe sleeves, and the doggy tail) and typical Akito things (rings and piercings) quite well. Also, the ears are so great; they're available as a common accessory too, so you can use them with any Akito hairstyle (although they'll lack the piercings that are only available with the exclusive hairstyle). Fun fact: Did you know the ears and tail wiggle in 3DMVs? It's so good... extremely cute. In short: amazing card, it quickly became one of my favorite Akito cards. He looks adorable. Puppy Akito I love you.
4☆ A Circle Signaling Our Determination
Well. That untrained illustration drives me crazy. It may not look like anything special, but Touya placing his hand on Akito's shoulder killed thousands. Akito is often (physically) leaning on Touya and touching him, so Touya reciprocating that touch, even if it's as simple as placing his hand on Akito's shoulder, is quite a big moment. Giving and receiving... that's what it's all about. Aun no Beats you're legendary. On the other hand, the trained is... well, genuinely... this is the gayest Akito has ever looked, in my humble and correct opinion. Even leaving aside the gay bar joke (which is quite fitting and makes me giggle), I just look at him and think "wow... that's a gay man". This is a gay man if I've ever seen one (and I have. I'm a gay man myself); I've seen gay guys that look like this before. In fact, I could even say I look like this... perhaps? (Up to debate) Between the fashion style, his (pardon my language) cuntiness, the setting, the details of the card (the partner gems), and, of course, Akito's one and only partner being by his side, this is simply the gayest Akito card ever (to me!) Thematically, it's a pretty good card, too. Celebrating their victory after working so hard, throwing a party at a gay bar, with the militaresque outfits representing how hard they've fought to reach this point, like they were waging a war on a legend, and came out on top?
When it comes to the costume... god, I like it a lot. Perhaps one of my favorite costumes in the game so far. Not trying to sound weird by saying this, but it's such a handsome and attractive outfit. I would totally wear something like it. I like the boldness of the deep pink pants, which look so good with the general dark colors of the rest of the outfit. Also the bright pink (which is Vivid BAD SQUAD's unit color) shoelaces on the black boots are so good. Really enjoy it!! The hairstyle is also really good. Even though most people seem to dislike it (although I understand the point of view of "boys mainly only get short haircuts"...), it's personally one of my favorite Akito hairstyles. It looks cute... also I've seen gay guys with this hairstyle, so bonus points for that. The one issue I have is... it's difficult to separate the hairstyle from the costume, especially the former — I feel the hairstyle doesn't look good with many costumes that aren't this card's costume... but it's okay, it's a great hairstyle regardless. In short, it's a very good card. As a gay man myself, I feel a lot of gay energy from this one (although I do from all his cards... but this one the most, so far!)
4☆ The Reason for the Words Given to Me
Oh, such a good card... the untrained represents a really nice moment from Find A Way Out, where Akito's so happy about learning Ken-san was like him, too, validating his feelings and all the effort he has poured so far, and making him feel better about himself... so good. I also enjoy how in the card he looks like he's on the verge of crying from happiness, and he actually cries over it; although it happens off-screen, and we only learn of it in the side story, where Ena comments on his red eyes (since Akito has a tendency to rub his eyes when crying because he dislikes it). Argh... so good. And the trained... if I were to say everything I want to say about it, this post would double in size. But, in short, I just. Love it. I like the red and blue theme of the card set representing the heart, with this being the overall theme of the event, and a pretty important theme for Akito's character, with Akito clutching the microphone's cord to his chest, where his heart is, to symbolize how music keeps his heart beating; the life and death theme from Kashika and this card, and using it as an analogy of the contradiction of wanting to keep singing but also wanting to give up ("wanting to live despite also wanting to die"); and, of course, Akito's big, genuine smile, feeling happiness as he falls, stopped mid-air... Suspended Animation being the translated name of the song is just so fitting. The outfit is also very good. I'm personally more commonly a fan of simpler and comfy outfits, and this one is just. Very good! One of my favorite costumes in the game; the simplicity of it makes it easy to cosplay / wear in real life, which is really nice. There really isn't much else to say about it, though, it's just very good. Anyways, it's just, genuinely, such a good card; how it symbolizes the event story and the song so well is amazing. Easily one of the best cards in the game.
4☆ The Thirsty Wanderer
Oh goodness. I'll begin talking about the trained illustration this time... it's an extremely pretty card. I'd rank it among the best cards in the game. I like it a lot. The setting is gorgeous (I enjoy desertic areas in games a lot), with gorgeous lighting and composition, and Akito's outfit is really nice... the theme is very good. I also quite like that tiny blue lizard... wonder what it represents, huh... The untrained, however? Genuinely (in my opinion), the best card in the game. The first time I saw this illutrastion, I lost my mind. Like... wow. Much like the previous card, seeing Akito's genuine smile just fills me with so much happiness; it was such a nice moment of the card story, too, where Rin and Len glomp Akito after he recovers his memories and he falls to the ground, and laughs wholeheartedly and is able to relax a bit after experiencing the horrors of his Fragment Sekai (memory loss and raging sandstorm in a deserted world? Wow). Although the illustration is kind of simple, it's just... such a nice card for Akito, someone who is always trying really hard, and pushing himself, and being so rough on himself. Depicting him relaxed for a second, laughing and genuinely smiling is so heartwarming. I also like the meaning of the dandelion, the flower that appears in both illustrations: these flowers are known for their ability to thrive in challenging conditions, pushing through concrete, and returning year after year. This resilience has made them a powerful symbol of strength, determination, and the ability to overcome adversity. This fits Akito so much, it's actually amazing. It's a very good flower choice for him, I really like it...
So, even though the trained illustration is among the best in the game, the untrained is the best, so it's a bit conflicting which to use in-game (it's the untrained 99% of the time though). Anyways, going back to the trained, in this case the costume: it's a very good costume. Even though I'm not too big of a fan of asymmetry, I think this outfit pulls it off well. It fits the theme of a desert wanderer that just wears whatever he's able to wear. Also his headband is really nice. Another nice detail is that Akito doesn't wear his earrings (even in-game, he takes them off if the headband accessory is used), which is really neat. It fits the theme of not being the usual Akito, but rather a wanderer that forgot himself, and is trying to find himself and his purpose once again, so he loses one of his main traits... Oh and don't get me started on the hairstyle... this is Akito's best hairstyle, by far. I have very heated opinions about Akito's hairstyles (not about the hairstyles themselves, but more about the lack of variety in colors despite being the only character in the game with dyed hair?! What the hell, really), and this one is great because it actually changes his hair color, giving it a darker, red-ish color. Sort of burnt hair after being exposed to the sun so long? Furthermore, it just looks really good in general... it fits with so many costumes. Very versatile. I love it (as you'll see soon). Anyways, I extended myself a bit here... it's an amazing card. Overall, possibly one of the best cards in the game (biased? But I'm also always right); great illustrations, great costume, great hairstyle, oh and a great skill... what else could you ask for?
1.1. My favorite costumes for Akito
Following up the favorite cards section, I wanted to show some of my favorite costume combinations for Akito. Yes, 3/4 of them use the FES hair + glasses combination... not my fault it looks so good on him? Either way:
Outfit: Witness of duel, Variant 3 (WTWG Touya MR5 Costume) Accessory: SEKAI UNIVERSITY, Variant 1 (September 2023 Premium Mission Pass) Hairstyle: Over the Wasteland (FES Akito Hairstyle) Really gorgeous. I admittedly only MR5'd WTWG Touya just for this costume color; it's just... so good. Perhaps my favorite combination for Akito. The red and black look so great on him, and the glasses look good on him in general but they really fit with this costume, especially the black variant. Not much else to say here, he's just very good looking in this one.
Outfit: Color the past, Variant 1 (Concerto Touya MR1 Costume) Accessory: SEKAI UNIVERSITY, Variant 1 (September 2023 Premium Mission Pass) Hairstyle: Over the Wasteland (FES Akito Hairstyle) Yet another Touya card that I MR'd just for the costume; I wanted him to match Touya, but I didn't like having them wear the same thing, and this variant is technically Akito's official one (the one that he uses in The first concerto's After-Live). He looks soooo good in this costume, and the glasses are excellent with it. He matches Touya this way. He looks extremely gorgeous with this combination. Lovely. Beautiful. Very gay (affectionate).
Outfit: Fleek vivid, Variant 3 (WL Akito MR5 Costume) Accessory: SEKAI UNIVERSITY, Variant 1 (September 2023 Premium Mission Pass) Hairstyle: Over the Wasteland (FES Akito Hairstyle) For the third time in a row, FES Akito's hairstyle + those glasses. Yeah, he looks so great in them. I personally like this costume a lot, even though people like to bully him for his big shoes. I think they're fine? Anyways, this is yet another combination where I put Akito in a red and black outfit. I think he rocks those colors, haha. He looks very cool in this one. Really like!
Outfit: Notice Suspenders, Default (FES Touya Costume) Accessory: Noble Paladin, Default (WD/Knight Akito Accessory) Hairstyle: Noble Paladin (WD/Knight Akito Hairstyle) Finally, something different! This combination always makes me laugh because a friend called it the "gay best friend Akito" and, it has sticked with me since. So I kinda stole it from them, sorry. I don't use it as often as the others, because I like the FES Akito hairstyle way too much, but it's probably my next most used combination after the previous ones. Always fun to use for the meme reasons. He looks good in a fun way. Though, to be fair, Akito looks good in anything I put him in. 🧡 (debatable, actually)
2. Akito events' commissioned songs
Next I want to give my thoughts on all of the Akito events' commissioned songs; I already talked about all of them (except the most recent one, Fuel) more in-depth in The Gay Akito Thesis™, and I plan to write an essay for Fuel eventually, so don't expect much of an analysis here!
youtube
🥞♪ la-dee-la-lee-la-la la-lee-la
CRaZY (CR詠ZY, CReiZY), Akito's fourth commissioned song. I'd say it's the "worst" of his commissioned songs... but that doesn't mean much when you're a 9/10 and the other four are 9.5/10 or 10/10. It's still a great song. All of Akito's commissioned songs are really good. Honestly I don't have that much to say about this one. I like it. The 2DMV is nice and the song has fun lyrics. The more relaxed and fun vibe of the song is quite fitting for the event it came with, as in BURN MY SOUL Akito learns to let loose and relax a bit, and to stop suppressing his emotions and accepting them, and himself. With the 詠 kanji meaning "singing / a song", this song pretty much is... a crazy song; it's basically about Akito letting loose and finding his own tune. It presents a nice contrast to Akito's previous commissioned song, Kashika, and its theme of "wanting to live despite also having wanted to die" — since in CRaZY, he is willing to give everything for music. He fully owns it now. But yeah, I don't have much to say about this song that I haven't said in the past; I like it, it's good, and I enjoy listening to it whenever it's chosen in Multi-Live Rooms.
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🥞♪ After following the never ending dream 🥞♪ I’ll find my own light, all over
Gekkou (月光, Moonlight), Akito's second commissioned song. Gekkou is a fascinating song in how it's barely related to the concept of the event, with the event being about Akito learning about, well, the power of unity and how working together and communicating with other people that have the same dream and feelings as you leads to creating something great — while Gekkou is about subconsciously copying those you admire and accidentally becoming a copy of them; or, in other words, about imposter syndrome. It's a very interesting choice for this event considering it's not really related at all, but nonetheless a fitting song for Akito, who so badly wants to find his own light and be something that is admired and respected for what he is. It's also fitting for Vivid BAD SQUAD in general in how they're chasing after RAD WEEKEND and holding an event that surpasses it, but making it something different and memorable — that is, making it their own legend. Furthermore, I personally really enjoy the theme of the moon and the moonlight, and chasing after it, and using the moonlight as an analogy for something that consumes you whole and is always there; something you're chasing after but can't quite reach. As a bonus thing, even though the song is definitely not about Touya, it can sort of be related to him: Touya is very explicitly themed after the moon, and Akito's relationship with him is not simply one of singing together and being with each other, but also of pushing each other forward and surpassing the other, constantly chasing after each other in order to improve themselves — therefore, while Akito's moon is (or rather, was) absolutely RAD WEEKEND, Touya is also that one moon that Akito's chasing after, the moonlight that always shines on him and that he is attempting to reach, in order to be alongside him. Plus, with this song, its jacket, and the event cards being themed after Touya's theme (the moon), and the previous Touya focus (Same Dream,Same Colors) being themed after the sun and sunrise (both in its jacket, song, and event cards), and both songs having Akito and Touya Another Vocals, I feel it's kind of intentional. Anyways, got derailed a bit there — it's a great song! I enjoy it a lot. Oh also forgot to mention the 2DMV itself, it's pretty nice. Hidari's art is really good.
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🥞♪ Just like a movie, this is my story.
Cinema (シネマ), Akito's first commissioned song. Quite a classic. I still like it. The, well, cinema and movie theme is really fun; the 2DMV is still great even today; on the other hand, the 3DMV has shown its age a bit but it's far from bad. There isn't much mystery to this song: it's about Akito's journey with music. I personally think the song kind of sounds like an ending or outro song, which is quite fitting for the song pretty much being Akito's story from the beginning, where he's pushing forward despite all the setbacks and everything that goes wrong because he has a dream he wants to achieve; to the end, where the becomes the leading star he has always wanted to be, reaching the top, and retelling his journey. Just like a movie, this is my story. It also fits Vivid BAD SQUAD as a whole, considering surpassing RAD WEEKEND is everyone's dream and they're all working together to reach that goal, and it also ties with the theme of the story of Akito leaning on his teammates because it's not just his dream and they have to work together to accomplish it, and they will always be there for him — but ultimately, the song is about Akito, and how he wants to be the protagonist. With his partner and teammates by his side, supporting him, Akito will become the leading star. It's a good song.
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🥞♪ Beat, beat, o heart of mine! 🥞♪ It might be unsteady, but even so, this is my pulse.
Kashika (仮死化, Suspended Animation), Akito's third commissioned song. Oh boy. Kashika is a very interesting case for me because, back when it came out, I absolutely despised it. I just... didn't really like it musically? I'm not really sure why. Some parts sounded fine, but others I absolutely disliked? However, I felt really bad about this for a long while, because Akito's my favorite character, and even though I knew the song was special, I just... couldn't get myself to like it. But, some random day, I decided to read the lyrics... and my opinion on the song immediately changed. I felt so dumb. That was when I decided to start reading lyrics for songs (and then CYBER PUNK DEADBOY fully ingrained that into me... it has funny lyrics). Basically, even though Kashika wasn't my type of song at first, once I read the lyrics, and learned about all the emotion and feelings behind it and all the love that the producer put into it and his story with music... I started liking it, and it quickly became my favorite Akito commissioned song. I love not just what it represents and how it symbolizes Akito's character and story so well, but also the general message it gives and telling the producer's story with music... the desire to keep doing what you love, despite also wanting to give up... and pushing forward despite that... ultimately accepting your feelings and using them to fuel your passion... so good. So, Kashika went from a song I hated to my favorite Akito commissioned song, thanks to reading its lyrics. This is why I now believe it's really important to read everything. However, Kashika sort of got overtaken recently...
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🥞♪ Burn more, that's what I was born for... 🥞♪ Burn more... 🥞♪ FUEL IS FOR GOING ON! 🥞♪ BURN! IT DOWN!! UNTIL IT FALLS OVER!!!
FUEL (フューエル), Akito's fifth and most recent commissioned song. This song quickly became my favorite Akito commissioned song. From the first listen, I thought it was amazing; however, it wasn't quite my favorite Akito commissioned song yet. But once I watched the 2DMV, and listened to the full version, everything changed... the 2DMV is simply amazing, I really enjoyed the plane and aviator theme. Furthermore, the 3DMV was really good, too; the lighting and visual effects were great. Although, even though I love the cards we got for the event, I'm lowkey sad that the cards weren't aviator themed after watching the 2DMV... it's like, why? It was a perfect chance to do something innovative with a Vivid BAD SQUAD card set, even if I like these cards. Sorry for the small rant... It's a great song, very Akito-like lyrics; always taking things so extremely and seriously. Burn more, that's what I was born for... he's extremely dedicated and always pushing forward; even if he has nothing currently motivating him, he will keep burning on, and eventually find that fuel that will rekindle his flame, once again (sorry, I'm cheesy). He's such a good character... I love his dedication. Except when he overworks himself. He's a bit self-destructive. But it's also part of his charm? Gotta love characters with issues. Regardless, it kind of overtook Kashika as my favorite Akito commissioned song due to how good FUEL sounds, with it being more of my genre of song, even if, objectively, it's not as deep or passionate as Kashika... but they're pretty close in my rankings, tbh. I love FUEL!
2.1. Favorite Akito Covers and Another Vocals
To finish off the songs section, I'll briefly mention some of my favorite Akito covers: Aun no Beats (阿吽のビーツ, Aun no Beats) — What can I even say... Read my Aun no Beats essay? This song is wonderful. Extremely representative of Akito and Touya and their relationship; I explain it quite in-depth in the aforementioned essay. Read the lyrics! I hope we get the full version eventually. Please. Nene5 is produced by Hanyuu Maigo so... there is HOPE! Never Give Up Coping! Fragile (フラジール) — Quite a classic. They were singing this stuff right from release?! They're insane. Second Akito and Touya-only cover (with no Virtual Singer), distinction shared with Aun no Beats. Truly a special song. Very similar to Aun no Beats in that it sort of represents the break-up period Akito and Touya went through during main story. Read the lyrics. Garando (ガランド, Airhead) — There is something deeply evil going on in this song. My jaw dropped while reading the lyrics. Have I mentioned it yet? Read the lyrics. Seriously. Very insane song. Grew on me a lot after reading the lyrics. I wanted to do only my top three covers but I have to give a special mention to Ame to Petra (雨とペトラ, Rain and Petra); quite a wonderful song too. I really like how it sounds, Akito and Touya sound really good in it. Yet again: read the lyrics. These covers really do something to your brain when you read the lyrics and think how they represent the characters. Also yes they're all Akito and Touya covers
And finally my favorite Another Vocals:
Shunran (春嵐) — Initially released as a full group cover, it got an Akito Another Vocal some time later. While I did like the original cover, the Akito Another Vocal is possibly one of the best in the game. It's just... wow. One of the best things we've gotten in a long time. This song was meant for Akito and I'm so glad he got this. I wish the original cover had been Akito and Touya only, even though Kohane and An sound pretty nice in it and it also fits them a bit, but the Akito Another Vocal is good. If you're a bit crazy like me, you can hear Touya a bit as the background vocal in some parts. I'm not sure if it's just the mental illness or he's genuinely there... but does it really matter? Living my own truth.
RAD DOGS — Touya's first commissioned event song; it got an Akito and Touya Another Vocal (along with an An and Kohane version) less than two months after its release. This is actually the only Akito and Touya shared Another Vocal, so it's extra special. The fact both partner pairs got shared Another Vocals for this song is great. The original version is already really good (RAD DOGS is in my top 3 songs in the game), but the Akito and Touya version is extremely good. The fact my favorite Vivid BAD SQUAD commissioned song has this alternate version is so great... Akito and Touya sound wonderful together.
Mirai (ミライ) — Touya's second commissioned event song; it got an Akito Another Vocal a few months later, along with a Touya Another Vocal. I already talked about both this song and Gekkou (which I'll also talk about in a bit) and what they mean for Akito and Touya in my previous essay, but the fact Akito and Touya got Another Vocals at the same time for this song is great. Truly inseparable. Anyways, this is a very nice song... very beautiful. I like it a lot. And the Another Vocals are so, so good. While I have a weak point for Akito and always use it, Touya's is also quite nice. It makes me so happy to listen to Akito's Another Vocal while thinking about the song's lyrics... ehehe... Read the lyrics by the way... Touya's such a wonderful character. Special mention to Gekkou (月光), Akito's second commissioned event song, which I talked about just earlier. (It gets no MP3 file because there's a limit of three per Tumblr post. Sorry!) Just like Mirai, it got Akito and Touya Another Vocals (at the same time too... inseparable, I'm telling you!). I like Gekkou a lot; it has interesting lyrics, and it sounds so great. Wonderful song. Akito's Another Vocal is amazing, I really like how he sounds in this one. He really slays the song... (?) Also, as an extra part, some songs that I would like to see them get Akito Another Vocals: CRaZY (CR詠ZY) — Please, please, please. He hasn't gotten an Another Vocal for one of his commissioned songs since Gekkou. I'd love this one, he'd sound so great. FUEL (フューエル) — Same as above; I really like this song so I'd kill for an Akito Another Vocal. Will wait (im)patiently for this one. Would add a third one but I don't have a particular one I truly want. Maybe Kinmokusei (金木犀), since Akito sounds really nice in that one. Not much else to say here.
3. Akito relationships
(Disclaimer: Harsh opinions ahead.) To finish off, I'll talk a bit about various Akito relationships:
I don't care that much tbh. ... Do I even need to say anything? I've written so many essays about them. Check them out by the way...! Unsurprisingly, Akito and Touya is my favorite Akito relationship. Although, as I always say, I like this pairing first and foremost platonically, since that's what is presented in canon; however, a romantic interpretation for them makes a lot of sense considering how they act with each other in canon, and I believe is the only romantic relationship that makes sense for either of them. It feels like a natural step of their relationship, something that will eventually happen. They have insane chemistry, pretty much being made for each other, fated to be together. But yeah, this is the only Akito pairing I truly like in a romantic sense. As a canonpilled person, along with my personal sexuality headcanons, it's just the most and pretty much only natural romantic relationship for either of them... to me! (But I'm always right.) Anyways, I'll try to not bring up the romance part much. They have a great dynamic and relationship, and I already talked about it in multiple of my past essays. Even though it's "simple", and some people may find a regular relationship boring, it's just... a very natural relationship, already formed and established by the time the game's story starts, with their most important development happening in the Vivid BAD SQUAD main story itself. They are partners, but they are also each other's best friends. While there is a distinction between partner and best friend (seen in how An considers Haruka her best friend even now, despite also being partners with Kohane; and how Arata was upset at Souma for being called his "best friend"), I would say Akito and Touya are also best friends. They are everything to each other, the most important person to each other, and so on. Blah blah... You're the best partner I could ask for; I want to stand shoulder to shoulder with him for years to come; I'm never gonna team up with anyone other than you!... all that jazz! They want to be together so badly; stay with each other forever. The one and only partner they want to be with; completely irreplaceable; forever together. Never separate. They're crazy.
(I'll take the chance to talk about both An and Ken-san here, since... Ken-san has no other card illustration that he appears in, lol.) Akito and An have a fun platonic dynamic, I really like when they interact. Their bickering and competitiveness and the silly situations they get into are quite fun; they're both dumb as bricks, and it leads to funny moments, like their English classes together. However, it's absolutely ass romantically. It's just not good. To me, that's a gay man and a lesbian. The best I can accept is them trying dating in middle school when they were still figuring themselves out, and breaking up immediately because they realized they're homosexual. It's canonically established that they wouldn't be partners; neither was interested in being each other's partner, they never tried to be partners because they really didn't want to; though they were fine with working together to surpass RAD WEEKEND, since their interests aligned. They simply aren't interested in each other beyond friends that work together, and they are both a lot more focused on their respective partner (and being gay about them). It's just not a logical relationship, honestly. Either way. In short, it's my favorite platonic Akito relationship after Akito and Touya, but I just can't view it romantically in any way ever. It's extremely forced, and you have to actively ignore parts of canon or making up things (whether it's AUs, mischaracterizing, or simply changing canon), to make it work. On the other hand, there's Ken-san. Akito's relationship with Ken-san is really good. He's a big inspiration to Akito, and the one who gave him the dream of surpassing RAD WEEKEND, and so Akito really admires him, and is so thankful for everything that Ken-san did for him and contributed to his life. He's pretty much like a father figure to Akito, the one he couldn't really find in his own father. It's a very sweet relationship... BURN MY SOUL is legendary, really recommend reading it.
(^ This is literally the only card that features only Akito and Kohane... and Akito isn't even shown in full... and this card's from July 2022... that's how bad the state of Akito and Kohane's content together is.) Akito and Kohane is... a relationship that is barely developed. They genuinely barely get content together. Their interactions are kept to a minimum, and there isn't any flavor to them. It's a pretty bland relationship... so a romantic relationship is simply unfathomable; it's utterly forced and unnatural, and most of the time out of character. This pairing relies on mischaracterization and making up content or ignoring canon to make it work. It thrives on delusions. It's very forced, honestly. When even An and Touya, who historically hardly interacted in any way, and didn't get a meaningful conversation until Whip the wimp girl!!, now have more content than you, it's just... so dire. There is nothing in this relationship. Even Mafuyu's aquarium has more content than them. They literally only have their confrontations during Vivid BAD SQUAD main story, Akito barking at her because he thought she was half-hearted, and then her later standing up for herself and proving her resolve during her performance. And perhaps throwaway lines in various events, like Kohane telling Akito that she considers him a friend and will keep working with him during Find A Way Out, or Akito praising her after her solo performance during Kick it up a notch. And that's pretty much it. That's their most meaningful interactions in event stories... but I suppose that is more than enough food for some people? ... However, extreme hate aside, I would like to see them get a meaningful interaction eventually, just like An and Touya did. I expected it to happen in Rekindle the flame, and yet... the most they got is three lines; a "blink and you'll miss it" interaction. Either way, I think their relationship has potential. It could be a fun dynamic, considering their characters and personalities. I would like to see them deepen their friendship... that's really all I can say about them. May you get actual, meaningful content together, one day.
Akito and KAITO have a pretty funny relationship. Akito barely respected KAITO at first when they met in STRAY BAD DOG, finding him to be a man that couldn't really be that good at music due to how carefree and unserious he was, but KAITO turned out to be very skilled, teaching Akito a lesson that he shouldn't judge people by their appearance... despite making that same mistake with Kohane previously... and even though he hates being judged, himself, too... this is what I mean when I say that Akito slowly learns with each event and interaction. KAITO also appears in both THE POWER OF UNITY and Rekindle the flame, where he gives advice to Akito and shows him that, sometimes, the simplest answer is the solution; contrasting with Akito usually missing the big picture due to focusing on something (he's a quite stubborn boy). Akito starts slowly warming up to KAITO with time, realizing that, even though KAITO annoys him, and is very carefree and quirky, he gives good advice... occasionally. KAITO's actually my favorite Virtual Singer, and the VBS version is especifically my favorite KAITO in Project Sekai, so I'm quite happy that he interacts with my favorite character often. As an extra note, the area conversation between KAITO and Akito that came with Rekindle the flame was hilarious; I recommend checking it out. Overbearing, cheerful dog trying to get that grumpy cat to go along with him... so fun.
Akito's relationship with the Kagamine twins is fun... they're like his little siblings. He plays soccer with them and teaches them things like a big brother would. It's pretty cute. I really like Akito's FES card story, where Akito gets thrown into his Fragment Sekai forcefully and loses his memories, and the Kagamines follow him while he recklessly pushes forward, despite not remembering anything about himself at all. When he finally recovers his memories after recalling the words his partner and teammates told him during STRAY BAD DOG, the sandstorm clears up, and the Kagamines jump at him, happy that he's back to normal. This makes him burst out laughing, genuinely smiling alongside them. It was a really cute moment. There's also BREAK DOWN THE WALL, Vivid BAD SQUAD's World Link event, where the Kagamines explore the new Street Sekai area alongside Akito. I liked how they kept praising him and telling him that he's so cool for how far he has come and everything he has accomplished, since it's not something that just anybody would be able to do. This makes Akito compliment himself, for once, now able to accept his feelings and be kinder to himself. He's a cool guy, truly. A fun fact I quite like is that, canonically, the Kagamines manifested in the Street Sekai after Akito and Touya met for the first time... they're pretty much the physical representation of Akito and Touya's partnership. They were so crazy about each other and felt such a deep connection right off the bat that they spawned the Virtual Singers whose very concept is being two halves of a whole and being inseparable and always together. Which is kind of insane. The Kagamines are pretty good and fun... I like them. They bring out the big brother side out of Akito.
Similar to KAITO, VBS Luka is a pretty carefree and airheaded character. Although she interacts with him less than KAITO does, her interactions with Akito are pretty fun. The fact the Virtual Singers that have been in his unit events so far have been the carefree ones is funny, since they're pretty much the opposite of him, who's so reckless and stubborn. They provide a contrast to his character and also show him that people shouldn't be judged by their personality and appearance, since they're both quite talented despite how they act. When it comes to her interactions with Akito... she's not very good with expressing her thoughts, as the advice she tried to give to Akito during BURN MY SOUL was quite incomprehensible; but through her singing she was able to give Akito the advice she wanted to give him, which I quite like. Communicating through music... so nice. Her advice was vital for Akito to release his emotions and accept himself, so I'm very glad about this. I also liked how worried she was about Akito when he got into a fight with others during Find A Way Out, immediately rushing to Touya to call for help. Like a worried big sister... Truthfully, I don't have that much to say about Akito and Luka's relationship, but I felt I should add her because she has been in two of his five unit event focuses (the other three being KAITO). I like her dynamic with him because of the opposite personalities, so I would enjoy if she gets more interactions with him in the future.
Finally, there is Akito's sister, Ena. They didn't have the best relationship at the start of the game, but it has since warmed up a bit... although they still bicker like any pair of siblings would. I feel like they're the most realistic and relatable depiction of siblings out of all of the ones in the game. I quite like them. Something I particularly like is that they're quite similar, something that they probably hate (haha): from their taste in food, with both of them liking cheesecakes and pancakes and hating carrots; to their resolve in achieving their dreams despite their lack of skill and talent. They both have something that they want to improve and excel at, inspired by their own family members: with Ena giving the push to Akito to actually try music, despite his own doubts on whether he could take it seriously and dedicate his life to it; while Ena was inspired by their father and his work to pursue art, too. The main difference, however, is that Akito found someone (Ken-san) that motivated him to not drop his dream, teaching him to listen to his heart and do what he wanted to do; while Ena did not have such a motivational figure, and the one that was supposed to lead and support her (her own father) instead told her to give up on it and act like a terrible father figure, effectively ruining her life for a handful of years. I find the Shinonome siblings' relationship quite interesting in how, despite their hardships and bickering, they still support and watch over each other — the support and care that they couldn't find in their own father, who was supposed to guide and protect them, and instead sort of neglected them and even made their life worse, especially in Ena's case. There's a lot more things I could say about them but, basically, I like them both a lot. They're both in my top 3 characters, and they have a very interesting relationship: with each other, with their parents, and with other people, too. It's very interesting to think about their similarities, and the parallels in their storylines... they both need therapy I think.
To finish off this section, I would like to talk about some minor Akito relationships that I feel didn't warrant their own section, but that I still quite like: Tsukasa Tenma — They have a pretty funny dynamic and there is always some situation going on when they are both involved. I enjoy when they are in events together (which is actually an unpopular opinion for... many reasons, though I understand why others don't like it). What I like about them is that they're actually very similar people; it's sort of like, their core is the same but the personality varies. And their personalities clash despite being quite similar. I would actually like for them to get a slightly more serious event together because of that, although their silly shenanigans are fun too. Mizuki Akiyama — Similar to Tsukasa, they have a funny dynamic, with Mizuki often teasing Akito and calling him "otouto-kun" (little bro). They don't interact in events as often as Akito does with Tsukasa, however, but they still get into fun situations, like in The Gentleman Thief's Thrilling White Day!? and their chocolate factory visit turning into helping Tsukasa with his acting role. As Ena's little brother, considering how close Mizuki and Ena are, they have a quite interesting relationship. Would enjoy seeing them in events more. Airi Momoi — Despite technically having been acquainted for a while now, since Airi and Ena have known each other since little, Akito and Airi don't interact that often? Which is a shame. They are actually very similar characters (with Chase my IDEAL IDOL! being for Airi very close to the development Akito got in BURN MY SOUL), and it would be nice to see their actual interactions together. Something like a cat event would be nice... (personal wish) Nene Kusanagi — Pretty fun; it's funny how Nene is intimidated by Akito and how he changes between good boy personality and his actual personality. They're classmates now so they'll probably get into situations together more often. I hope they get more events together; Close game/OFFLINE and The Best Picture Wrap! were both quite fun.
Also, here is some relationships that I'd like to see happen eventually and/or for them to get more content together with Akito: Shiho Hinomori — I think they'd make a pretty fun duo; the interactions Shiho has had with Akito so far were entertaining (such as teasing him for being afraid of the zombie wolf disguise during Scream!? Welcome to the Wolf Forest!), and seeing that they're similar people, it could make for a fun event. As a personal wish, I would like to see Akito try playing Shiho's bass... bassist Akito is a dream of mine. It will happen. I believe in it. Mafuyu Asahina — Technically they've already been in a few events together, but their interactions weren't that deep... Considering they both have the "good child" facade thing, it could be entertaining to see what would happen if they were put in an event together where they genuinely interact. It's fun to think about. She and Akito are my favorite characters, so I would like for them to get content together eventually...! Although I mention just these two, I would like for Akito to interact with pretty much everyone that he hasn't interacted with yet; let him make new friends! I want to see new and fun interactions!! The recent mixed event Work Out and FLY! Muscle Training! was pretty good, since he interacted with Haruka, who he hadn't really interacted with before; and also, before that, with Honami in Rise as ONE!, leading to fun interactions with dogs.
4. Showing off a bit
To end this post, I'd like to show off a bit my Akito stuff:
This is my favorite custom profile. It's actually animated but Tumblr posts only allow one video per post so... yeah. Oh well. I'm pretty bad at custom profiles, but I put a lot of effort into this one and I'm quite happy with how it looks!!
My current Akito Character Rank... he reached 90 right on his birthday. I'm very happy...!
My highest Akito Kizuna Rank. Is this any surprise? Hopefully they hit 55 by the end of the year. My goal is to get Touya to CR66 and then their Kizuna Rank to 66 for that sweet Akitouya stamp.
And finally, my Akito lim card collection. (It's all of them!!) Eventually I'll MR all his birthday cards to MR5, I promise... when I have lots of spare pink fragments.
5. Conclusion
And that's it for the post! I love you Akito. You're such a wonderful and special character. I would die for you. Stop being mean to me please. Happy birthday, my beautiful son!! : ) Anyways, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this. It's a quite lighthearted post this time, to celebrate my favorite character's birthday. I will probably write an actual essay sometime soon, so look forward to that!!
#pjsekai#project sekai#akito shinonome#shinonome akito#vbs akito#bad dogs#aibou#aiboulove#aibouyaoi#akitoya#akitouya#HAPPY BIRTHDAY AKITO!!#my wonderful boy#gay orange cat
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You’ve mentioned it a few times but I’m actually really curious as to April’s reaction toward them shit-talking Donnie? Particularly the first time, but in general, too, because the only thing resembling that is her pressing the boys about Donnie not acting off unless something is wrong. We (obviously) only really see the curse from Donnie’s perspective, very occasionally one of the boys mention their perspective, but nothing from the outsiders! Splinter makes me curious too, but he only had his accidental gaslighting scene, so 🫠
the only indication that it was happening was that first phone call where she mentioned mikey saying some nasty things to her through text, and she was generally being very forgiving about it. "he was just venting" was probably something she attributed to MOST of their weird behavior about donnie, but i still think they held back around her at least a LITTLE because if it got too bad she would call it out. april wouldn't want to thought-police, and sometimes their complaints were more funny than they were harmful (oooh how she must regret laughing with them now, like donnie's undeniably who she's closest with out of the four but she doesn't take his shit so i could see her finding it funny and harmless... little does she know), but once they crossed a certain point she'd tell them they were just being vindictive and shitty. there's no way they haven't gone to her complaining about each other in the past, its inevitable that you're gonna have grievances when you live with someone and april's really the closest friend they've got, although she's not always up for putting up with it PFFT. i could also see her thinking they want advice, or giving solutions to their "problems" (because i think she'd find venting for the sake of it a little aggravating? very solution oriented person imo), and they straight up just lied to her and said they'd listen and then did nothing lmao.
really they all lead april and splinter on just like they did donnie, with all of their worst moves they planned around it and intentionally threw them off the trail. honestly when it came to things like that first phone call and the one on the rooftop, i could also see it as an intentional play to get april IN on it, although it didn't really. work lmfao, she could tell something was off, even if she didn't have reason to suspect the depth of it. i dont have reason to write from their POVs but they are both going through some shiiiit, they really got CONNED and they both feel so ashamed about it. they're doing what they can to rectify it now, but its causing a lot of self-doubt. i could see both of them being almost over-attentive after this is said and done. they both certainly feel like they were way too negligent.
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I in general do kind of headcanon that Tithonos being taken by Eos is part of why Laomedon was so monumentally stupid in his treatment of Poseidon and Apollo.
BUT IMAGINE the additional anger if one goes with Euripides' implied parentage in the Trojan Women, where Ganymede is a son of Laomedon as well. First one son is taken, then the other, and then he has to deal with these gods?
Like sure, divinely built wall, awesome, and yes, he did get compensation when it comes to Ganymede but - still.
And then.
And THEN
some fucking Achaean barbarian has the STOMACH to demand that same compensation he was given for his son, as payment for his aid and not something more reasonable. I mean. I'd tell Herakles to get packing when he tries to cash in on the horses too, then.
(Like, again, I headcanon that Herakles asking for the horses even in the regular situation where Tros is the father is still highly rude and far too much to ask/demand for his help. But it gains extra verve if Laomedon is the bereaved father, no matter that Ganymede becoming Zeus' cupbearer is an honour. You've still lost a son.)
#ganymede#laomedon#tithonus#greek myth thoughts#I don't generally think of Laomedon as very sympathetic#but I also think he had some reasons for acting as he did#both with Poseidon and Apollo (as stupid as that is) and Herakles#ESPECIALLY Herakles tbh#because if the man just rolls up like#'yeah i'll help. if you give me the divine horses that was given as compensation for Ganymede :)'#like#fuck off??? lmao the fucking NERVE
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Its really interesting that Jimmy’s chair is the one tilted away from the screen in this shot:
It’s indicative of how his and Jimmy’s dynamic was. He’s not staring ahead at the screen, he’s not paying attention to what they are doing. Curly is the only one looking forward. Jimmy quite literally couldn’t see the responsibility Curly had or was doing. Jimmy likely slacked off and avoided most of his duties. I mean the one time we know he pilots the Tulpar he steers it wrong and loses the team 4000 credits. Even in the positions they held objectively, Curly was always taking responsibility for Jimmy. Not to mention the “We can fix this” and only one chair at attention. Jimmy never had intentions to fix anything, throughout the game, throughout his entire relationship with Curly. Curly always fixed it? Why would it be any different here?
If he even took the slightest bit of responsibility, he would’ve stayed in the cockpit to see his plan through. In the end Curly did what Jimmy always expected him to do for him and took responsibility. Did what he always did and took responsibility at the wrong time…
#cross posted on twitter#I like think it’s insane how subtle some shots are but yeah#like he doesn’t even take the captains seat to try and crash the ship#the one time he took quote responsibility unquote he still did it from the inattentive side#and then ran from what he did and literally shielded himself from the consequences like closed the door and all like it’d be done quick#even if Curly didn’t run in we know it would’ve failed and everyone would’ve known#also I saw someone say that Jimmy assaulted Anya because he was trying to put a black mark on Curly’s record as captain#and I just can’t believe that because he didn’t want to be found out about it#like think about he can’t take responsibility and tries to avoid punishment you really think his ego would allow him to risk#his image and reputation just to get to Curly? he wants to drag curly down by using him as a ring on the ladder but why would he weaken it#first? he only has the job because of him and he’d know that like Jimmy is brash and done but his hateful acts are calculated in a way to#get to others and not back to him#I mean he crashes the ship cause this would go on his permanent record and it’s likely that Jimmy had never got caught for an offense this#socially or legally damning and that’s another reason he panicked so bad he’s clearly escalorty#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing
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Just to minimize my chances of being genuinely misunderstood OR deliberately misinterpreted, and crucified for something I don't think, How Dare You Say We Piss on the Poor website etc...I'm gonna say this right up top. I absolutely understand why people don't like Thessaly as a character, if anyone does completely unironically stan her as some kind of feminist hero who Did Nothing Wrong uwu, I personally see it as a bit of a red flag. I don't like terfs real or fictional. In a vacuum, I could even completely sympathize and agree with the people who want her cut.
HOWEVER.
It's really something to me to see people clamoring for her to be cut, because she carries and expressed an ugly indefensible prejudice (transphobia) in words towards (1) person. Meanwhile Hob fucking Gadling enacted one of the most violent forms of antiblack racism I can even think of against thousands no, millions of people, the ripple effects of which still affect billions more today. Just a little light idk, profiting off the fucking slave trade and had to be told by someone else that it was bad...and he's a fan favorite.
People are saying Thessally being Dream's love interest reflects badly on him or is somehow endorsement by the narrative (?!?!?!?!?!? Didn't she (SPOILER ALERT AS IF IT MATTERS BY NOW) help participate in his extended assisted suicide? She's not painted as a great person to me just another character what are y'all SMOKING whatever fine. It's fine this is fine.) But shipping Dream with Mr. Former Slaver is not only not verboten or frowned on widely in the fandom but its THEE most popular pairing by far. So...why the difference?
Like where are the same fans who are saying Thessaly shouldn't just be more clearly shown to be wrong, she shouldn't even be in the show at all when it comes to Hobert's crimes??? Yes, transphobia is indefensible. Isn't racism?
And I hear the cries of "it's fiction!!!" Already rallying (if anyone who needs to hear this even sees it lol) to which I say:
HORSESHIT. I KNOW you don't, deep down, really agree because if you did, why get upset about Thessaly being included??? Why does what she said to one person matter if it's Just Fiction You Guyze. Fictional characters are allowed to do bad things and fiction isn't reality sweaty....except when you only apply that standard to fictional racists you like and simp for, but fictional transphobes you don't are SO HARMFUL they shouldn't even be portrayed in fiction.
Like. Give me a big fat BREAK. This looks like bullshit, no? I'm sorry, but I'd love for someone to try and give any other explanation besides one personally offended you or hit home for you, and the other doesn't.
And if that bothers you or you feel like it says something negative about you...idk what you want me to say??? You can't control how other people perceive you and that's how people outside this majority-of-the-fandom bubble see it. You don't need to respond, I just wish and genuinely hope this gives you a moment to think about why fans who ARE bothered by both (and not just paying lip service to being bothered by the one but railing against the other) are so frustrated with people saying everyone is welcome but in practice only bending over backwards for the comfort and emotions of themselves, and people they can easily relate to.
You don't have to like Thessaly (I don't. I find her an interesting antagonist, I don't stan her. And frankly imo likability is not. the point of her character) but you'll pardon me for feeling more than a bit cynical and side eying people's motivations for what seems a...pretty obvious double standard, on what fictional crimes related to real world issues matter to y'all, and which clearly don't. Either actually bring the same energy to the table for fictional people who committed atrocities, even if against a group you're not part of and thus don't feel the need to empathize with, or just carry on, but accept that you don't have the SLIGHTEST room to talk about cutting characters who do immoral things. And you also need to accept that you look like a hypocrite when you do.
#thessaly#wanda the sandman#hob gadling#fandom racism#I could've cried sexism!!! Problematic Male vs Female Characters except 1) I don't actually think that's the main reason *here*#2) there are WAY better examples of that particular double standard in this fandom#also i can admit when I'm a bit of a hypocrite or was.#i used to dip my toes into the dreamling stuff too early on#but idk. It just got too sour seeing ppl whitewash (lol I know I'm a comedian)#what he did over and over. And I genuinely had started to wonder#if the show hadn't included that particular crime and I'd just imagined it from the comics because#my memory is shit sometimes and I guess I was naive. I *wanted* to believe someone would talk aboutit#if it had made it in. but ultimately i went back and checked and no#and seeing how the whole fandom behaving affected my non-white mutuals some of whom...#like these are my friends man or ppl I just respect and I can't just. Ignore their feelings and their pov#and act like they werent making points or it doesn't matter#like it's all just fun and games for everyone on the same terms. And seeing how easy it was#for everyone to ignore was so unsettling. I couldn't keep pretending it was just fiction and didn't affect anyone real#Call me a bully a t3rf apologist (fuck you and for the record. no)#a puritan or a Fancop (actually stop comparing#people disagreeing with you online to what cops do. For fucks sake you just make it look like nothing is really real to you outside fandom)#whatever man. Whatever helps you sleep. I'm just gonna block you#if you're clearly sticking your fingers in your ears. engaging with you is a waste of time and energy then#Hell I have sympathy for anyone who doesn't like thessaly#especially trans fans. Especially rn. But lbr that sympathy for a lot of the white trans/queer fans only goes one way!!!#never gets extended to anyone else's issues. Like THATSthe issue. And it's shitty!#(sorry this post is not about me in the confessional lol that's why I put this at the bottom#I just had feelings to get out and yes its my blog but i didn't want to clog the airways)
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#for context. a few weeks back i was playing on a fast respawn 2fort server#mostly because i just wanted to just. hang out somewhere without any real serious gameplay happening#that said. for the first few hours i was playing on there. was mostly playing gunslinger engineer and detonator pyro#and we had a good push up into their base but were stuck just at the entrance. with a heavy hold from the enemy team#but after a while. i just kinda got bored and wanted to just fuck about with the taunts and loadouts i had#first thing i did was play pyro and do the cheers taunt before getting on my bike and swerving a bunch as i drove#but i dont think anyone could tell thats what i was doing#so after a bit i just changed to scout. and started just riding my skateboard#(i also did the drinking and riding bit a few times but i eventually just ended up skateboarding around)#(one bit being me on the top of the bridge. doing the cheers taunt. getting on my board. and then skating off the bridge and killbinding)#so at some point. i kept getting stuck in place for some reason. like speficially on bumpy ground or... in the air#and the moment i got stuck in the air (for 30+ seconds mind you) i was just like ''my quantum board technique''#and from there. i just acted as if i was playing the newest Pro Skater game#saying stuff like ''i have to do manual ollie combo for 150000000 points''#or like ''i have to find grindrails on this level''#eventually found my way into the sewers and said something like ''IVE FOUND THE HALF PIPES''#before saying like ''man they really screwed up the physics since the last game''#a soldier on the other team was trying to find me the whole time saying ''wheres tony hawk''#specifically because he had a tony hawk avatar. and i only realized after he said something about it#anyway. after all that i skateboarded into a minisentry and died#and my last message was supposed to be ''my combo has ended'' but i ended up typing 'bombo'#and it made me laugh SO hard i couldnt backspace. and added on with ''my sweet bombo''#and then i left because i had nothing more to do there. my bombo had ended and i had to move on.
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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