#but I also don't really want them in my life if possible

[billloveshushu]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 02━ 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.

✦∘˚━ ℙ𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕔 𝔹𝕒𝕥𝕗𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕪 𝕩 𝔹𝕒𝕓𝕪𝕆ℂ.

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∘˚✧˙𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽✦•˚∘

✦( "" ) Thoughts (━) Dialogue✦∘•

English is not my original language, the translation was fone by Google Translate, so sorry for spelling mistakes.

Warning🚨: There will Be another OC in the story.

"I finally have a name!!"

Suyana Martha Wayne.

When she saw Bruce signing his name completing his civil registration with his mother's name, Suyana was very surprised and felt a strange feeling, she felt happy realizing that Bruce, now officially her adoptive father, liked her to the point of putting her deceased mother's name as his surname.

But she realized, it was really happening, she was now the adopted daughter of Bruce Wayne, from Batman the Dark Knight, now she was feeling such a big existential crisis, and she wasn't even a year old!

Also, when she heard Alfred or Bruce say the name Suyana, she felt a good feeling, it was as if it already belonged to her, it was nostalgic. Could this have also been her name in her past life? That would explain this feeling.

Anyway, Suyana gave up on remembering her past life. That night traumatized her in a way she would never forget. The space filled with blood and those overwhelming emotions were like a threatening warning from her own subconscious showing that if she remembered, there would be no turning back. It seems that her past life was not happy at all. Of course, curiosity arose, but she put all that aside.

“As the saying goes, Happy is he who does not know what he is, and unhappy is he who knows what he is … why do I know that? Well, it doesn’t matter.”

Sometimes she forgot that she was just a baby, many times she would find herself playing with her teddy bears or even biting her own foot and would wonder "What the hell am I doing?!"

It was possible to see that he was very tired, even when Alfred appeared to wake him up, he got up without complaining and just adjusted his neck, Suyana knew that Bruce used meditation to control fatigue, muscle pain and even a broken rib just to keep up appearances, but seeing it in person is scary and impressive at the same time.

Bruce asked Alfred to prepare the milk while he got the baby ready. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with Suyana today because last night, at the exact moment Batman arrived at the cave, the Justice League called him to say they had a mission and that they needed him. It was unknown how long this mission would last. Bruce read in an article that young babies, if they don't see their father figure much, end up forgetting about them.

He doesn't want that to happen so he will do everything he can to make this mission go faster, for now he will enjoy this moment with his daughter. Bruce came down the stairs with Suyane in his arms already dressed in a fuzzy jumpsuit, Alfred handed her the bottle and Bruce fed the baby, he watched her cheeks sway as she drank from the bottle like a squirrel.

He couldn't help but kiss her forehead, this was such a normal morning, it wasn't boring, it was more like a calming agent, she was like a calming agent after a chaotic day, no, a chaotic night, his muscles relaxed, leaning his back on the counter and he just looked at her, enjoying the silence of the morning.

Until Alfred enters the kitchen━ Sir, little miss's room is ready.

"What!? Seriously?"

Suyana swung her little feet excitedly, she saw Bruce ask a few more things about the room but decided to ignore it, taking so long to just renovate a baby's room was probably because of this security system, to save her mental health she decided not to know any more about it and just ignore it.

"Ridiculous paranoia, seriously"

Bruce had already noticed that Suyana had already finished her milk and placed the bottle on the counter right after he helped her burp.━They finished faster than I expected, sir. ━Alfred said.

Bruce wiped Suzana's mouth━ But of course, they are competent Alfred, I guarantee that in addition to being safe, the room is beautiful.

"I wonder how it turned out" Suyana wondered, she didn't know what the room looked like even though it was close to Bruce's room, Alfred always stayed away because of the dust, after the dust was gone it was time to decorate the room, Bruce wasn't a man of style and used what was necessary, so he didn't even know where to start.

Normally it was Alfred who did this, but he is already an elderly gentleman, so he can only take care of Suyana because she is quiet and well-behaved, which is worrying, but Dr. Leslie said that it was normal for some babies to behave like this, especially like Suyana.

So Bruce hired an interior designer, a woman who was quite nice, and when she arrived she just told him that she was going to transform the room to be worthy of a princess.

And she actually did it.

Suyana looked at the newly renovated room with wide eyes, the walls were a pastel pink color with flower designs, the floor was padded with a large rug and the furniture around was hand-customized with a beige color and an antique style, and the crib now sat near the window with a large veil made of satin around it.

It really looked like a little princess lived there, Bruce smiled with satisfaction, it was perfect for his little princess.

The princess in question was still perplexed but could not deny that the room was beautiful ━ Isn't it wonderful?━ said the girl smiling at Bruce who immediately activated his Wayne Playboy personality ━ Wonderful, just like you ━ then he kissed her hand leaving the girl blushing while she let out a few laughs, she tried to start more conversation with Bruce Wayne but he interrupted her.

— I would like to enjoy this moment with my daughter, so thank you very much for your service ━ Bruce said, shaking her hand and asked Alfred to take her to the front door.

━ Oh, of course, but if you want, you can call me later ━ She said as she was almost pushed by Alfred to the exit of the room.

Suyana looked at Bruce in amazement. He seemed like a completely different person, outgoing, lively and even seductive. But the moment the girl walked out the door, Bruce returned to normal, the normal that Suyana at least knew. “He could win an Oscar with that.”

Bruce turned his attention to Suyana calmly as if he hadn't changed personality a minute ago ━So Susu, did you like your new room?━ And he kissed her cheek making her let out a sweet baby laugh.

Suyana sometimes felt embarrassed by Bruce's display of affection, it's not every day that she is kissed by Batman himself, and that affectionate nickname 'Susu' came about after a fateful day when Suyana tried to say her name, it was the same day that Bruce signed his name on the documents, but she could only say ━ Su..su. Ha..su ah Susu!.

Bruce found this demonstration so cute that he started calling her Susu, even Alfred called her that sometimes, it's a cute nickname but she felt a little embarrassed remembering it, Suyana remembers that Batman was portrayed as a very cold person and that he didn't show much affection, in fact the bat family in general weren't used to showing affection, Suyana never really understood these dynamics, but seeing him show this affection for her even if sometimes silently still leaves her shocked.

Soon Alfred returned ━ Mr. Bruce, the league called again asking for your presence━ Bruce sighed and nodded indicating that he understood, he handed Suyana to Alfred and stroked her small forehead looking lovingly at her but became serious again and said ━ If I take too long Alfred, show her my photo once a day and make sure she won't forget me.

Alfred raised his eyebrow.━Mr. Bruce, I think you are worried too much.

— Preparation is never enough, you should know that by now Alfred ━ then he looked at Suyana — I'll be back soon.

Then he turned and left the room while Alfred and Suyana looked at him, it didn't even seem like he was going to leave for a Justice League mission, leaving the room normally as if he was going to work, well in some way it was work, Susu could only hope that he would be okay.

"Batman is acting strange" was what Nightwing thought as he looked at Gotham City from atop a building, still dark and melancholic exactly as he remembered, he came here personally to ask Bruce what was going on.

He tried first with Barbara, but even though he insisted, she didn't say anything, the other members also didn't care much when Dick talked about it, he didn't blame them, saying that Batman was acting strange was just another ordinary day, but Nightwing lived long enough with Batman to know a lot about his obsession with Gotham, if he could he would spend the whole night protecting the city, risking himself in every way almost like suicide.

But suddenly he changed, Batman started to be more careful and even avoided getting hurt, and that's not the most shocking part, he started to finish his patrols earlier, his methods of dealing with thieves started to be more brusque, and with villains he started to be more violent, as if he was angry with them for making him late.

At first Nightwing was even happy with this change, a lot of the time he worried about Bruce and his health, and he was irritated by the way Bruce didn't care about it, so he was relieved.

But that was until the Riddler's attack on Gotham.

This made Nightwing finally come here, it wasn't disclosed in the media but Batman literally beat the Riddler, in a way that hit all the fatal points and that would take a while for him to fully recover, so it was obvious, Batman wanted the Riddler to stay out of the plan so as not to get in his way.

Nightwing quickly thought of some plausible reason for Batman to act that way. Could it be that he wanted to focus on a more important mission? That he couldn't be distracted for even a second? A mission that required all of his attention. Would it be the Court of Owls? Or the Joker? It wouldn't be possible, since he's in Arkham Asylum. Would it be to save the world again with the Justice League?

Nightwing didn't know but he wouldn't stay out of it.

He prepared to jump but his body stopped, Nightwing looked down and realized how tall the building was, his vision began to distort and his breathing began to become labored, he only managed to calm down after moving away from the edge of the building.

Nightwing looked down at his trembling feathers, cursed loudly, and pushed his hair back with a sigh. It looked like he was going to have to use the stairs. After several steps down, someone opened the back door of the building, already dressed in his civilian clothes and adjusting his coat. Now without his mask, it was Dick Grayson.

Dick first thought about paying a visit to the mansion instead of going straight to the cave, it had been a while since he had been there, very busy with his duties with the Titans, protecting Bludhaven and he still had his job as a police officer who took a few days off to go to Gotham, and he still has his girlfriend... Dick came out of his thoughts then started his motorcycle and headed towards the mansion.

Driving at high speed, Dick saw the Leon lights of the city center slowly disappearing and giving way to the darkness where he was going. From afar he saw the mansion's gate already opening with automatic technology. Alfred certainly already knew he was coming.

He saw the old butler already standing in front of the mansion's door, Dick got off the motorcycle and went to greet Alfred with a handshake and one of his classic bear hugs ━ Alfred! It's been a while! Is everything okay?

━ Master Dick, I am surprised by your visit━ said Alfred, pulling out of the hug and looking at Dick with a raised eyebrow, blocking the main entrance to the mansion ━ I dare ask, what is your objective, Master Dick.

He sighs with a tired smile.━ Nothing escapes you, does it, Alfred? Well, I came after Bruce.”

Alfred immediately understood what he was saying, knowing that the first Robin must have already noticed Batman's strange changes, so Alfred left the entrance asking Dick to follow him into the mansion.

Right at the entrance, Dick noticed something different, the rooms in the mansion were more reinforced and protected than normal, seeing some sockets using protection, and corners of cabinets or tables with rubberized edges, before he went any deeper, Alfred spoke.

━ I'm sorry to tell you, Master Dick, but Mr. Bruce is not in the mansion at the moment.━ Dick looked at him confused and then asked ━ Where is he then?

━ With the Justice League, they called him for a mission, I can't say when he'll be back.━ Dick regretted Bruce's absence, looked around the room and noticed toys and stuffed animals scattered across the carpet, then a pop sounded in his head.

He pointed to a rattle toy with a trembling hand. ━ Alfred, what is that? ━ The butler sighed when he realized he could no longer distract Dick. ━ I thought the ideal moment would be with Mr. Bruce present, but it seems that is no longer possible.

━ Please Master Dick, come with me and I will explain everything ━ Alfred walked down the hall with Dick following behind him, while he tried not to believe his hypothesis, it was not possible that Bruce had adopted another child, right? He knows that Bruce has a serious problem in leaving his "nest" empty.

But it hasn't even been a month since Damián fought with Bruce and left home and he's already adopted someone else?! Dick thought he had already taken care of this but apparently not. Not that he didn't like being the older brother, but for everyone the family was already complete, everyone was already used to each other and suddenly adding a new member!?

He rubbed his eyebrow and whispered uneasily━ I just hope it's not that much of a problem━ Alfred, who could hear, just sighed, knowing that it would be complicated to deal with Dick like that.

Alfred stopped at a door and opened it, signaling for Dick to enter first. He looked at the room in shock, seeing that there was no child but a crib wrapped in a thin fabric. He pushed the fabric aside with his hand and stared in a daze at the little baby who was sleeping peacefully.

He turned sharply to Alfred ━ A baby!?

Alfred quickly told him to speak more quietly,━Master Dick! I understand your fear, but there's no point in shouting and waking the child.

Dick sighed even more with his hands on his face━ I know, I'm sorry... ━ and looked at the baby again, she was a cute baby, with plump, rosy cheeks and reddish hair, he realized now that her appearance is quite peculiar.

But now he couldn't focus on her cuteness, all he could think about was the reaction of the other family members. Would it be a problem if she was a new child, but a baby!? ━ How many people know about her? ━ Dick asked Alfred━ Only four people, Mr. Bruce, Barbara, me and you.

Dick took a deep breath and looked around the room━ We were hoping to announce it at family dinner but something unexpected happened━ Alfred said looking at Dick.

━ OK ok, I'm sorry for showing up by surprise... ━ He put his hands on his face and sighed, Dick calmer looked carefully at the room, it was beautiful and cute, with the flower details and pastel colors, it was even out of place from the rest of the mansion that had a colder and more rustic appearance, looking like a castle from ancient times.

They were silent for a minute until Dick spoke━ Damián won't be happy about this... And Jason? I don't even want to think about his reaction━ Dick could only think about that now, he didn't want to admit it but he came here thinking about finding an adventure or a mission to distract himself from his own problems but now he found even more problems.

His sudden fear of heights gets in the way of his daily patrols and missions, and many times the bandits take advantage of this to escape, and this happened more than once, Dick has never felt so incompetent in his life.

He still had his girlfriend Shawn Tsang, a beautiful, cool and intelligent girl and Dick is an idiot who doesn't know how to value her, because of his busy schedule he can't give her the attention she deserves and she gets very uncomfortable with it, sometimes she even thinks that Dick was cheating on her. Now "running away" like this, it really seems like he cheated on her.

Alfred, seeing Dick sink even deeper into his thoughts, decided to intervene by placing his hand on his shoulder, attracting his attention━ Master Dick, calm down, I know it seems like an irresponsible decision but it's not.

━Master Bruce thought a lot about it, so much so that only after a month he decided to adopt her━ Alfred said calming the situation, Dick turned and nodded that he understood, even with his problems he shouldn't blame an innocent baby for this━ You're right Alfred, I'm sorry for... acting like this.

The butler smiled satisfied with the answer, he suggested leaving the room so as not to wake the baby and talk better, before leaving Dick decided to look again at his new "little sister" but was surprised ━ Hmm, Alfred... I think she's already awake ━ He said pointing to the crib where the baby was staring at him, as if he had found a treasure, Her little eyes shone as she looked at him, it kind of scared him, it seemed like she knew who he was, but she kind of really knew.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!! Is that Dick Grayson!!?? Nightwing!!??"

The little baby was waving her arms towards Dick, who didn't know what to do with her excitement, and he is considered the most lively and sociable of the family. Alfred came to the rescue, taking the little one in his arms.━It seems she's already woken up...━ He said, caressing her little forehead. Even though he wasn't smiling, you could see the affection in his eyes.

Dick just looked surprised, because it was one of the few times he saw Alfred being affectionate and delicate with someone, and also with the butler in front of her, the baby tried to look at him again. Seeing how the baby was distressed trying to look at the stranger, Alfred turned to introduce them formally.

━Master Dick, I present to you little Miss Suyana━ He showed the baby, pulling away the cloth and making the light illuminate her little face, looking now with the light reflecting her red hair looking like fire and her light brown eyes, Dick thought━ She's so cute...━ Right, he was weak with children.

Alfred offered to hold Suzanne but because of his nervousness Dick was afraid of dropping her so he refused, he just got closer to her face and watched as the baby looked at him without even blinking, which was a little strange. But who could blame her? One of DC's most beloved characters was in front of her, Suzanne had to act like a strange fan, maybe that's one of the reasons why Bruce was so distant in the beginning, every time he passed by Suzanne would stare at him, like she's doing now.

"Wow! He's so handsome, Bruce is also that handsome! Is Dick really adopted? It seems like beauty is genetic!"

━Is she that quiet?━ Dick asked, worried about her silence. Alfred nodded. ━It seems that Susu is like that with new people.

━Susu? Is that her nickname? How cute! ━ Alfred apologized, embarrassed by his carelessness, Dick smiled impressed, usually Alfred ensured his education to the extreme, always calling them master, sir, boss and miss, for him to hesitate and call them by their nickname he must be quite used to her.

━And I thought I was the only one who created nicknames in this family━Dick tried to lift his face but Suyana stopped him by placing her little hand on his nose, wanting to look even more at his face, his eyes widened but then he laughed and held the little hand and was impressed by how soft it was, so he decided━I'll stay here for a few days, to get to know Susu better and also help with the patrols while B is away, who stayed to take care of Gotham?

━ Miss Kate, but any help is welcome ━ Alfred said, noticing that Dick was relieved to know he had some to do here. The butler sighed seeing the resemblance between father and son.

If she spent a week with Dick at the mansion, he is exactly as Suyana imagined, a ball of joy, always smiling and making lame jokes, helping Alfred whenever he could and taking part in the patrols at night, and with her he played the role of older brother.

But to Suyana, it seemed so superficial.

Maybe it wasn't with others, but with her it was. Every time they were in the same room, you could see that he felt uncomfortable around her, and he hid it with laughter and jokes and soon found a reason to leave.

━ Sorry Alfred, I have to go━ Dick said, adjusting his coat━ But already sir? You won't be staying for lunch?━ Dick made a sad face━ Sorry, it's urgent.

Alfred sighed but agreed that he understood ━ But wasn't it saying goodbye to the little one too? ━ Dick looked apprehensively at Suyana who was lying on the couch looking at him.

━ Sorry, it's urgent━ He looked away and closed the door, Suyana lowered her head a little sadly, now he was avoiding her, at least in the beginning Dick talked to her, maybe it was also her fault. Dick tried to join in with common baby games, but Suyana simply didn't react and just looked at him, it was even comical to see Dick making a thousand faces and trying to make the baby laugh, in the end he was a little embarrassed and didn't know how to interact with Suyana.

Suyana scolded herself for not acting like a normal baby at that moment, but it can't be just that, Dick must be dealing with a lot of things and she is a problem he doesn't want to deal with right now.

In some way this could be a preview of what the other members of the family will be like, the baby was reassured thinking that Bruce and Alfred's affection was enough, but a part of her was still saddened thinking about the possibility that Dick and the others wouldn't like her.

"In the life they lead, perhaps I am a misfortune"

For the first time Susu wanted Bruce to be there.

At the North Pole at that exact moment, in a cave camouflaged by the blizzard, a hand covered in a black glove pressed a remote control signaling that he was at the vigil point, Batman sighed tiredly and felt the cold even with his suit having heating technology.

He looked at the mountain with some indignation. The Justice League had been investigating Lex Luthor because he had been acting suspicious lately, until we found out that he had made an alliance with one of Wonder Woman's villains, so it was obvious what they planned to do, combine magic with LexCorp's technology.

That's why Batman is now investigating a "mountain", which is actually a secret laboratory, and the current job is to find out what they are planning, silently and without attracting attention, it would be very easy for Batman if it weren't for... ━ That's it, mate!

By Green Arrow, Batman sighed tiredly and turned to greet his companion on this mission━ Have you done your part?

━ Straight to the point, isn't it? But yes, I managed to shoot the target, now we just need to wait for the signal━ Oliver sat on the cold floor tiredly while Batman checked his batcave communicator once again and saw that there were no messages because of the bad signal, he hit the wall angrily.

It had been a week since Batman had been on this mission trying to find out what Luthor was planning and putting up with Green Arrow's irritating presence. During these days, he was always worrying or thinking about Suyana, which was new to him. This feeling of worry never occurred with his other children, as he calmed down thinking that they could manage on their own.

But Suyana is different.

At first her concern was calmed by Alfred's daily updates, reporting how she was, but when she arrived at the North Pole, to be more exact near this "mountain", the signal suddenly dropped, there are few things that make the signal of your technologies drop, something was happening and it is strong enough to block all local communications

Batman looked at the last message sent by Alfred which had a picture of Suyana sleeping with a stuffed animal and this gave him a small, unnoticed smile. Deep in the cave, Green Arrow looked curiously at Batman's actions. Somehow he felt a similarity in these behaviors, because he had also gone through this phase with his son.

━ What are you looking at there?━ Batman quickly hid the communicator and returned to his cold countenance━ Nothing of interest to you━ Green Arrow raised his arms in surrender━ Hey, calm down! I was just curious.

Batman raised his eyebrow in question━ What do you want to know?━ Oliver rolled his eyes at his old friend's distrust━ I just noticed that you've been acting strange on this whole mission, more rushed and irritated.

━ Are you saying I'm getting in the way of the mission? Green Arrow.

━ What!? No B! I'm just expressing my concern... as an old friend ━ After he said that, Bruce realized that Oliver wanted to talk as old friends rather than coworkers, he sighed knowing that he would probably regret it in the future ━ It's okay, I'm just in my head somewhere else.

━I know, look how you're not easy to open up to, let's do it like this, I'll tell you my concern at the moment and then you tell me yours, huh? ━ He smiled sideways, as if he had been very intelligent ━So it would be more of an exchange of information than a conversation, don't you think? ━ Before Batman could refuse this idiocy, Green Arrow spoke.

━ I'm worried about my wife taking care of our son alone. ━ Batman stopped immediately and looked at Oliver in surprise, who was smiling, knowing what he was thinking. Bruce knew that Oliver and Dinah had been married for a long time, he even attended the wedding, but he didn't know they had a son. ━ How did you two have a son? If I don't even find out... That year Black Canary spent recovering.

Years ago, Black Canary was seriously injured in a Justice League battle, so she spent a year away recovering with Oliver, who refused to leave her side. It was probably around this time that Dinah got pregnant. ━Yes, it was that year that she found out she was pregnant. At that time, the Justice League wasn't as united as it is today, so we planned to pretend she was injured, and that helped the pregnancy go unnoticed.

Green Arrow took a small photo that Batman couldn't see━ After that, everything changed... that child became our lives Batman━ He caressed the photo with a smile, then Batman asked━ Why did you tell me now? If you hid this until today, then you want this child to grow up away from the life of heroes, away from danger.

━ Because I noticed that you're like that too ━ Green Arrow pointed his finger at him mockingly ━ Anxious, irritated, worried and even checking your communicator all the time or just... simply upset that you're not there ━ Batman remained silent until he simply sat down next to him with a frown on his face.

The two remained silent until the bat spoke ━ She's still just a baby, small and fragile, how can I not worry?━ Oliver laughed again but without mockery━ You won't, you'll always be worried.

Oliver turned his head and asked ━ So you adopted another child?━ Bruce nodded ━ But I met her not in a good way.━ He still remembers, the intense fire and the blood on the floor, but he mainly regrets how he acted around Suyana in the beginning━ And are you going to tell how it was?━ Oliver asked but Batman remained silent ━ OK ok, I understand.

━ You know, I want my boy to grow up as a normal child, happy and without any worries, look how happy he was to get a dog ━ Green Arrow finally showed the photo he was carrying, revealing a boy of approximately four years old, smiling with the Siberian husky puppy in his arms, he had blond hair and green eyes just like Oliver's ━ Isn't he very cute? ━ Oliver asked proudly.

He doesn't know if it was out of pride or mere competition, Bruce secretly showed Suyana's photo in the statement and simply said: ━ She's cuter ━ Oliver was so shocked by Batman's childish demonstration that he started laughing a lot ━ Hahahahaha! Ha... but I disagree, mine is cuter, although yours is too.

Batman growled in anger and threw a Batarang at Green Arrow who dodged it, soon preparing himself with the fighting stance and catching one of his arrows ━ Wow!, are you seriously going to fight me just because you don't admit that your daughter is cuter?!━ Batman responded by catching another Batarang with a more irritated face than usual━ If you want to see this situation that way, then yes.

Green Arrow became even more irritated by Batman's shameless attitude and launched an arrow in his direction which he managed to dodge━ The loser will admit that the winner's son is cuter, closed? ━ Batman didn't respond but he moved forward and at the same time Oliver did too.

Just as the two idiots were about to fight over their disagreement over their children's cuteness, suddenly the ground shook and a blinding light appeared behind the two, the mountain had exploded ━ What!!??━ the two looked in shock at the mountain that was previously covered in snow, was now full of flames, the League's communicator started working again and Wonder Woman's urgent voice came out ━ Batman! Green arrow! An accident occurred and the machine exploded! Luthor is missing and the other is dead.

━ How did this happen!?━ Green Arrow shouted, and Wonder Woman replied ━ We don't know!! The explosion happened out of nowhere!

Batman analyzed the mountain and said ━ Hun, Wonder Woman, focus on saving as many people as possible from the facility. I'll summon Superman immediately to help, in the meantime, let's capture Luthor. ━ Batman hung up the call with Diana's statement, then with just a nod the two immediately started running towards the smoke.

Continued...

OH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!😫 I know it took me a long time to release the new chapter, and I apologize for that, most of the time was spent on this ending, if you didn't notice the new OC is Green Arrow's son with Black Canary. I don't know if they have children in the current comics but I haven't found any so far so if they do... apologies, but I did this because I wanted to highlight Bruce and Olive's friendship and them sharing something in common as old friends, I don't see that much lately in the comics. And I'll try to do the next chapter faster, I even bought a notebook just to write in at school!! The next one will be Suyana conquering her brother! I swear.（；´д｀）ゞ

Taglist: @proper-fox @kore-of-the-underworld @type-ink @mallowryblog @cruzerforce4256 @cxcilla @fantasyhopperhea @psysgr @hotdinoankles @bearlittlesworld @thatpersonnamedrook @bookwarm0-0 @nervousalpacalady @mircall4a @thegothamsiren @vxsire @butratherbutrather @1abi @alishii @umzugih @fadingenthusiastnightmare @yua-who @antov828 @seemeee3 @littlesweetbunnysworld @moon0goddess @ryudeiparine

[kedreeva]

What do you look for in your quail, structurally? What makes a major flaw that's an automatic cull (aside from things that are obviously incompatible with life or impair basic daily functions) vs a bird who might have some minor flaws but stays in the breeding flock vs your ideal?

I know a fair bit about horse and dog conformation but very little about the way birds are put together. I'm planning on getting quail sometime in the not-too-distant future and whilst I've done my research re: daily care (thank you for posting all you do about them! I've learned a lot from you and it's made me feel a lot more capable of sorting out quality information from poor information as I've been reading care guides, blogs, etc) I want to know more about what makes for a quality bird so I can ensure that when I do eventually get a male I'm breeding towards quality and not putting out more substandard BYB birds.

So, there's not really a "standard of perfection" for coturnix the way there are for, say, horses, or chickens, or dogs. They're a game bird. Right now as it stands, the only 'standard' officially for game birds is "if they are alive, they are perfect" because the point of a game bird is survival. There IS a group that are attempting to put out a standard of perfection for coturnix, but the club is a) really young, like a year old and b) paywalled. You can't see the SOP at all until you pay a $25 fee and... I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do that.

So, what you turn to in this instance is the wild type.

C. japonica

and on the ground:

and C. coturnix

And on the ground

Pretty much all the "coturnix" quail in the USA are hybrids of these two species (and even possibly others), as they were not kept well separated over the years.

If you want to breed to a standard of perfection for a game bird, then you breed toward its wild type- black beak, Red reds, gradient chest, somewhat slender body, clean markings, the ability to stand well on their legs (some coturnix get really stubby legs), no "roached" back, bigger wings, correct facial markings, etc.

If you just want to breed for HEALTH, then you want a nice smooth back, nice high legs that make it easy for them to walk around, a face that isn't smushed in on itself and also isn't so collapsed down that it becomes thin and needle like. Good feathering on your birds (especially the belly, which can suffer if the bird isn't standing up on its legs like it should). A good temperament (ie, not aggressive, not throwing itself senselessly at walls and stuff if you so much as look their way, etc) is a must for keeping them healthy, because it means the males won't overbreed/injure the hens, the hens won't pick on each other, and the birds won't injure themselves out of fear.

On the chicks, you will want to cull things like clubbed feet, powder down, crossed beaks, wry neck... pretty much anything that isn't a vigorous, healthy chick. You do NOT want to assist hatch eggs; the only except may be if you open the incubator and you see a current pip, and come back and it hasn't zipped in a few hours, as you may have caused that problem. But, assist hatching just creates weaker individuals. Personally i don't keep late-hatch birds for breeding (nothing over 18 days, and most of mine hatch at 16-17, so even 18 is pushing it for me), and I don't keep late-to-lay hens if I can help it (if they aren't laying by 12 weeks, they go, as they should be starting to lay by about 10 weeks).

On eggs, you typically don't want to hatch anything under 14g. That said, if you're starting with standards, none of your eggs will be that size. In that case, check the average weight of your eggs to determine a median weight, and then say okay, nothing below the median gets hatched. Re-assess when you find yourself able to set the majority of your eggs, to find the new median, until the majority of your eggs are over 14g. Anything above 20g has a fairly high possibility of being double yolked. You also want to keep up with egg shell quality; test strength by giving a relatively gentle squeeze between your pointer and thumb (over a sink or big bowl). A normal egg will be able to withstand a pretty good deal of pressure. Shells should be relatively bright, smooth, and shiny, not matte, not bumpy, not pale (heavy bloom, not enough protoporphyrin), not dark (too much protoporphyrin affects hatch rate). Egg shape should be fairly uniform, with a clear wide side and narrow side, without being misshapen (elongated, squashed, rippled, etc).

I hope that at least gets you started!

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Flower Moon in Scorpio ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Full Flower Moon this year was in Scorpio on May 12/13💐Themes of 'fear' are strong with this one! One way or another, old fears find their way back to creep up your spine, rattling every trauma bone in your body...all for you to really take a good one last look...and then release them all to the skies above, the earth below and the waters beyond🌊On that note... Of course, themes of 'karmic justice' are also strong with this FM!⚖️It was interesting that I heard this as the 'main channelling' of this Scorpio FM:

Whatever fear is creeping back in to your consciousness, realise that it serves a higher purpose for re-appearing at this current stage in your spiritual evolution. That fear might hold some information about what kinds of things you do truly value in this lifetime. The fear is showing you what you shouldn't want to perpetuate or let happen in your personal reality nomo. You see, the mastery of fear is the mastery of the wheel of your Ship! Acknowledging your fear and navigating strategically and calmly will make you wiser~🚢

-I'm young and unwise, so I really dunno what I've just channelled lmao-

On another note, I'm also hearing, to assist you in navigating or sorting out fears and anxiety in your mind/body, it helps to regroup first before you rush to take ANY action to eliminate/soothe that fear. You got that?🥶People who've been traumatised a lot most likely deal with a scattered mind, because we were 'forced' into observing, noticing and anticipating all kinds of possible doomsday scenarios☄️

This Full Flower Moon in Scorpio is inviting you to re-learn, again, to re-train your brains to be able to focus on just one good thing at a time, before you move on to the next good thing. Or at least, focus on that one important thing until it is at least half done, or 60-70% taken care of... Something of that nature🍍Pssst...

Don't you think that the advent of the Internet and social media has hijacked people's minds, making us more scattered in our focus because there's a lot of BG noises from...maybe...notifications...? Yeah, turn that shit off when you're needing to regroup is what I'm hearing! Back to primitivity(?) for a few hours a day doesn't sound so bad lmao

spirit: no more words by Hamasaki Ayumi

gnosis: Treating Matter with Loving Care: Marie Louise von Franz | The Jungian Aion

deck-bottom: XI Justice Rx, Gold Alchemist (Roger Bacon) & Priestess of Ritual

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Pile 1 – No More Fear of Losing Shit

d e a t h – 6 of Pentacles

You've been through a multitude of lack periods up until this year, it seems. I'm picking up on an aenergy signature that feels pure and childlike, like a faery. Due to extreme empathy and compassion, you'd allowed other people's lack mindsets, so to speak, to wrap around your mind and belief systems. Their beliefs about how difficult and effortful Life's achievements have got to be became your limitation as well, even if on the inside, you kinda knew Life didn't have to be that hard...

Up until this year, the transmutation of this typa belief system—again, transmutation, you weren't just eliminating this bs—has been the theme of your spiritual healing. Your karmic justice this season will be assuredly abundant, my darling! Security and stability for LYFE! Coz you've done so much with so little; now you can do anything with nothing! In effect, you ain't afraid nomo of losing shit—not things, not people, not time or opportunities, not even money or health—because...

p u r g a t o r y – 4 of Cups Rx

You simply know now, that whatever must transpire in this mortal realm, you're always gonna be good. You know you've got the power. So then, in this coming season, you'll see just how gooooood Life gets to be for you! You've done so wonderfully well to transmute the consciousness surrounding lack, hard work and hardship! From here onwards, your Life experiences are elevated. You'll know that with certainty because there ain't no mistaking your blessings now. They ain't shit in disguise nomo!

This Full Flower Moon in Scorpio is ushering in a new era of abundance for you that surrounds more than just the idea of money. Now, you will finally see and feel what security and stability look like. It could be in terms of relationships/communication, money and the ability to buy higher quality food or tissue (lmao), the ability to afford real pleasurable/luxury travels, etc. Your Life is regaining its colours that were dropped during survival and transmutation. This time around, more vibrant, more quality, with sanity.

'Now, money is safe with you and you're safe with money,' my fave YouTube reader said <3

r e b i r t h – Knight of Wands

Creation, creativity, fun times and good times, networking and socialising, maybe even partying and dating. These are some main themes/keywords for you this whole year. You've become the embodiment of the Empress herself—well, a smaller embodiment, maybe, but you're HER nevertheless. You'll see just how you turn heads whenever you enter a space. Your energy is becoming ever closer to being the aenergy of your Higher Self; this is who you were always meant to walk as <3

You're right now coming to understand, and accept, your true personal power. You've got this pure abundance aenergy that's making it easier to secure opportunities or charm the living shit out of people. You're the IT person! Everybody wants to serve and please you, they want to help you, buy you things, take you places and show you off to others who would only want to do the same! You may be finding yourself becoming sneakier or slickier... But, it's all just a Game, right? Ain't nothing evil about not showing your cards~

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Gold Geographer (John Dee) & Priestess of Purity

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Pile 2 – Two… Two… Duality Shifting and Balancing into Unity

d e a t h – 2 of Wands

Whoa, 'TWO' and 'DUALITY' are strong for this Pile TWO! I get that you may resonate heavy with having, at least, two people inside your mind—giving you counsel and being your voice of reason when things were tough or deeply confusing. This may have developed as a coping mechanism and to varying degrees, may be a milder manifestation of depersonalisation or multiple personalities? Well, you just needed to give yourself a good talking to! They're very likely just your Spirit Guides and/or Higher Self! <3

Many of you tuning into this as your main pile, I'm hearing that you're 'learning to live again'. You may be in the middle of being highly inspired by morning/night routine vlogs and some such, and right now giving yourself the permission to try some new things out, for your continued betterment. This may be a slow and gradual process whereby you're finding yourself occasionally overwhelmed by the smallest things/acts. That's perfectly understandable—trauma is stored in the body, after all.

p u r g a t o r y – 2 of Pentacles Rx

Some days, you may find your body totally crashing or collapsing after doing the bare minimum. Know that this is perfectly expected if your body and mind have been through multiple cycles of narc abuse, death magick attempts, and other kinds of traumatic events that you may resonate with. That body works so much to achieve 'regular' feats with what amount of trauma stored inside it. Be patient with yourself; love your body, love yourself, love your process, always <3

This period/phase of your Life is all about Integration. That's literally your main theme if this is your main pile. You're integrating the light and the dark, the trauma and the healing, the stupid and the wise, the wild and the in-control. You're becoming more whole, more deep, as a spiritual being having a Human experience. At this time, you may be feeling out of balance every now and then, but you're just learning to walk again before you can run steadily! You're going to a really good place, trust that~

r e b i r t h – II The High Priestess Rx

You may have felt like up until now, your whole entire Life is just a buzz of confusion. Like you never really knew what was going on, or you felt like events just took place and you weren't even an active participant in the drama of your Life's script. Strange, wasn't it? I'm not sure how to make sense of that myself, but with the High Priestess herself being in reverse, I'm getting that all of that confusion or not-knowingness or not being control thing is passing away.

You're actively dying and perishing to so many old cycles of misery and trauma, which explains the push and pull of, possibly, suicidal ideation or the sheer desire of giving up. Things may feel like they're fucking with your mind right now but trust your Spirit Guides when they say: 'You're actually being rebuilt, it's only natural there's a lot of clanking noises right now. Sorry. Bear with us just a little more~!' By the end of it all, there's a high chance you could be meeting a Soulmate, Destined Person, or even a Divine Counterpart <33

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei) & Priestess of Fertility

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Pile 3 – Your Gardens Nourished by Fiji Water!

d e a t h – XIV Temperance Rx

Wow, this is probably gonna be the greatest channelling I'll have ever done for a Moon PAC so far lmao But, it's because your aenergy is so PURE like shit, babe~ No, I mean, like seriously, some of you may have the recognition of your not having lived a perfectly innocent Life, but shut the fuck up, bitch—I know that you're a good person whose heart is simple: you just want to have a good time here, as much as possible without hurting anybody. Though sometimes, it's hard because Humans are weird anyway...

Perhaps it's because you've always been this way, that some kind of abundance has been quite hard to come by. This 'abundance' can be about money, but could also be about Love or cleanliness, or healthy relationships or whatever resonates, really. 'Mercy... Why is it love is never kind to me...?' lol Looking at this Major Arcana, the whole time, it wasn't that you couldn't manifest good shit for yourself; it was that on a Soul level, you always wanted the Fiji Water typa abundance...

p u r g a t o r y – King of Pentacles Rx

Your whole Life, most people had either gutter water or sewer water to offer you. As you grew older and learnt to respect and love yourself, you were beginning to manifest people and opportunities that offered you tap water, finally; and as you grew some more spiritually, now you were manifesting regular-but-fake ass bottled spring water, which in reality was just treated tap water. Your Soul couldn't sit with those typa 'abundance', you get it? Your conscious mind wanted to be OK with that; your Heart couldn't let you...

So then, you decided to work on creating your own channel for the real Fiji Water typa purity and freshness to flow towards the pond in your Heart. You, refused to drink from impure waters. Water here is literally the frequency of wealth, joy and happiness, prosperity and abundance~ When you see other people seemingly doing well with whatever money or relationships they have, they look OK drinking tap water, but that's not the quality your Soul would be OK with... You got that? <3

r e b i r t h – Ace of Pentacles Rx

So you see now, your 'delays'—especially in comparison to your peers' progress—were always your protection and blessing. In disguise? Not really. You probably just didn't know that you were 'working' spiritually to get only Fiji Water to nourish the gardens of your wealthy existence on Planet Earth. Naturally, it's about time all of that hard work bears fruit~ I don't even have to tell you anything; I'm sure you're already seeing your abundance—the pure kind—flow into your pond and spread throughout your gardens.

You worked so hard for all of this mechanism to be foolproof, leak-proof, quake-proof, theft-proof, siphon-proof, and all that stealing shit. You're good for Life, honey. Not regular good. Luxury water good on a spiritual level. Ain't that the best water any person could secure for themselves, huh? XD Karmic justice, is sweet and nutritious. You ain't getting toxic chems from your water source now; you're getting natural minerals what would ensure a happy, healthy Life for the rest of your days~★

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Silver Historian (Polydore Vergil) & Priestess of Energy

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[alltimecharlo]

I think a bodyswap au could be funny. Also kinda sweet if will is like damn is Mack always so sensitive to external stimuli and Mack is like omg not being able to fall asleep is so hard. They can bond by spending together helping the other learn hot to regulate their body. Also has the fun Omg I’m in my crushes body and he’s so hot but I have to be respectful vibes.

another fantastic idea that i would love love love to turn into a full length ao3 fic (maybe in the future!!!) but for now this was so fun :) fic under the cut!🩵

Will wakes up and immediately knows something is wrong.

Not just wrong—off. Like he’s got the wrong lens on, like the camera tilt of his whole life has shifted. The sheets are too scratchy. The pillow’s too soft. The air in the room feels cold in a weird way, like it’s touching skin he’s not used to wearing.

Also—he’s not in his room.

He bolts upright and—whoa. His center of gravity is off. His limbs are longer? Or maybe heavier? The second he moves, his knees knock against something, and when he looks down, his heart does a full stop.

Those aren’t his legs.

They’re Mack’s.

Will stares.

“What the fuck,” he whispers.

Across the room, there’s a groan, and Will’s body—the one that is supposed to be his—sits up, blinking blearily.

Mack stares at him. His own eyes. Will’s eyes. In his face.

“No,” Mack says flatly.

“Yeah,” Will croaks.

“Dude.”

“Dude.”

They stare at each other for a long moment. Then Mack—wearing Will—grabs the edge of the blanket and yanks it up over his head.

“I’m dreaming,” he says. "I have to be."

“Nope,” Will says, swinging his—Mack’s—legs off the bed. "I don't think this is a dream. Unless we're having the exact same one."

“Or a nightmare,” Mack mutters.

—

By some miracle (or possibly black magic), they make it through breakfast without raising suspicion. Will walks like a baby deer in skates for the first few minutes, and Mack grimaces every time Will slouches like he’s forgotten how to have a spine.

“You have, like, zero body awareness,” Mack hisses.

“I’m trying,” Will hisses back. “Do you know how weird it is that you can feel every seam in your socks?”

Mack frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Like, your whole body is just—sensitive. To everything. This shirt tag feels like sandpaper.”

“Oh.” Mack blinks. "That’s just normal."

“Jesus,” Will mutters.

Halfway through the day, Mack starts to droop.

“You good?” Will asks, trying to manage Mack’s facial expressions without looking like a cartoon.

“I don’t know how you sleep,” Mack says, rubbing at Will’s eyes. “Your brain just never… turns off?”

Will winces. “Yeah. Welcome to the inside of my head.”

“That sucks, man.”

“Tell me about it.”

They end up skipping their usual post-practice dinner with the guys. Too risky.

Back in Will’s hotel room, they sit cross-legged on the floor with Gatorades and room service fries between them. Mack’s in sweats that are a little too baggy. Will’s in shorts that hug Mack’s thighs in a way Will is trying very, very hard not to think about.

“I didn’t know you dealt with all that,” Mack says after a while. “Like, the sensory stuff.”

Will shrugs. “I didn’t know your body is basically a nerve ending.”

Mack laughs. “It’s not that bad.”

“You feel your laces every second you’re skating.”

“…Okay, maybe it’s that bad.”

They fall into a strange kind of rhythm—Will helping Mack settle in with meditation apps and white noise playlists, Mack teaching Will how to stretch his legs just right so the tightness in his hips goes away.

“You really don’t stretch enough,” Mack scolds.

Will snorts. “You sound like our trainer.”

“I sound like me. In your body. So you should listen.”

It’s weirdly intimate—learning each other like this. From the inside out.

And yeah, Will might be a little aware of how strong Mack’s hands are. How broad his shoulders feel. How expressive his face is when Will catches it in the mirror.

But he’s respectful.

He doesn’t linger.

…Okay, maybe he lingers once. For like, a second.

But only because he wants to understand. That’s all.

Mack, for his part, seems equally weird about how easily Will blushes. Every time someone compliments him—Will, in Mack’s body—he turns pink.

“Does this happen all the time?” Mack asks, flapping his hands at his own (Will’s) face.

“Yes,” Will groans. “And there’s nothing I can do about it.”

They don’t figure out how to fix the body swap for three days.

By the time they do, they’ve each got a whole new understanding of the other.

When they switch back, it’s a relief. But also—strangely bittersweet.

Will lies in bed that night and texts Mack:

u still feel the sock seams lol

A minute later:

Mack: yeah. but now i think of you every time it happens.

Will smiles into the dark.

Him too.

♡

[masoncantthinkofaname]

Hey Mason!! I love your posts here and tiktok videos so much! I try not to spam likes, but it’s honestly hard not to haha

I had a question that’s been on my mind, and I’m still kinda confused about this part because of 2 "clones" of the previous awareness that shifted here...

So when we shift, I get that we’re fully aware in our DR and that becomes our 3D reality. But what actually happens to our CR body? Does it just run on autopilot, or does another version of us shift into it, become a "clone" and take over?

I’ve heard of a couple people saying their “clone” took over their body after they shifted, and the wild part is, the clone even chats and makes posts saying they’re a clone! One of them even had a name to tell them apart. I remember the clone’s name was Rana, and it wasn’t the same awareness as before. And then the clone of another different person even said she woke up here as this identity because the previous awareness decided not to come back

That just really made me wonder what’s actually going on with our CR body when we shift because we're not aware of it anymore

Thanks in advance if you see this! :>

Hi! So I'm going to be completely honestly with you in this response.

Clones don't exist, at least not in the way you expect.

Let's start from the beginning. You are in your 3d, your own little bubble that projects a reality, and allows you to experience it. You only have one 3d. So there's one physical reality that exists at a time for you.

This means that, when you shift, this reality doesn't physically exist in that moment (in your experience). The reality is still there, but so is any other reality. It just exists, but it's not something you're experiencing.

Nothing happens to your crself, you're not on autopilot, you're not a different awareness, you're just you, living life like you would have in any other case, most likely not even aware that you shifted.

But that's where it gets complicated, because this all boils down to your assumptions and preferences. It's also where time ratios come from. When you're in your dr, and decide to come back, you just choose a reality like this one that you come back to. It means that you can specify exactly where you want to go back to, how much time passed there, what your self in this place did, etc. You're in a way, scripting for your cr.

Which is completely natural, you're never in the exact same reality. It's like choosing to go back to what aligns best with your expectations.

There is no clone, there's just you. When you shift, there's not another awareness of yourself in your body, you don't merge with one, or take its place. It's all you, your expectations, preferences and desires. You're shifting every second, and so is every other version of you.

Now what about people claiming they're a clone? I'm not going to say all of them are lying, it's their reality and experience as well, and anything is possible.

Myself, I've also had an experience when I started shifting more actively, everything aligned, and I woke up here, but I got so many signs about making it home that I just felt in my gut that another version of myself shifted to my dr and didn't come back. However, your beliefs create your reality, I can never be absolutely sure if it's the truth or if I made it my truth.

I can imagine there are some ''clones'' that similarly just feel like their other self shifted. Some might start to recognise patterns. But I also think a lot of people in 2020 weren't completely honest with their experiences.

I rarely shifted with 'time ratios,' but there was a time where I would intend for the me in the reality I'd come back to, to already have written down my experience. I did this maybe 5+ times, and it was weird remembering how I felt while I was here and writing about something I hadn't actually experienced yet in that moment, while also having the actual experience.

The first time I skipped time here, me in this reality literally told my best friend that I tried shifting but didn't succeed, before I came back, and realised I did, in fact, shift.

As you can see, there are a lot of possibilities and experiences, and because anything is possible, you can never be 100% sure who tells the truth and who doesn't. But clones themselves are just a term to understand the possibility to 'script' for this reality better!

[consistencynevermether]

Hello!!! I saw that did so much works on vere and I love all of them,they are the best vere fics!!! I love how you characterize vere and make him feel so in character.

And if you're still taking requests, can you do a headcanon or fic being in a relationship with vere or maybe doing a fic about a confession between vere and the MC. Like who would confess and how it would happen.

Anyway, have a good day and no pressure about doing this request if you're not up for it. You been doing such a good job of all your fics, and you're my fav vere x reader writer!!!! <3

Asidhasjaisdhflkasdh thank you, the fact that some people really like my silly lil vere fics means so much to me! I try to write Vere as in canon as possible, I'm so glad that comes across! I decided to do something a little different than normal and do headcanons instead of a full fic. Thank you for the ask! :D

Vere relationships headcanons:

The core of a romantic relationship with Vere would be based on loyalty and understanding. Vere would have to 100% trust you would never sell him out, or leave him (I feel like he lowkey has some trust issues left over from whatever situationship he and Ais had going on)

Despite how secretive he is, once you get into a relationship with Vere, communication is key. He needs to know the big things, like what the two of you will do once you're both free. Do you want to stay in Eridia? Get revenge on those who fucked you over? (he's a big fan of that one.) Start a new life somewhere with just the two of you? All options.

I think Vere would find himself willing to stay in Eridia, at least as a home base. At first, he'd just want to burn the synovium to the ground, not caring what happens to the surrounding city. But if you want, I think you can steer him away from that. He won't admit it, but there's few things he wouldn't do for you. Not limited to, actually giving a shit about this soggy marsh people dained to call a city. You had friends here, it was one of the safest places for humans, and he had memories with you in this city. All reasons he could find ways to think fondly of Eridia. 

He also wants to know about the little things, like where you're going or who you'll be meeting with if it's someone he doesn't know. There are a few hints in the demo that Vere is a “fell first” kind of man, and he holds onto the people he cares about tightly, only letting a select few get close. He's not trying to control you, he knows you can handle yourself. Despite this, you're still human. If something does happen to go wrong, he wants to know where you are and who you're with, so he can come find you if need be, and kill whoever is stupid enough to try and hurt you.

Speaking of other people, how many people know about your relationship will definitely change over time. If you start off together before he's free from the Sinobium, nobody can know about your relationship. Ais at most. But after he's free? You're going to have to physically stop him from making out with you in front of the Abbess. If you really don't want everyone to know, he’ll respect that. But if it's up to Vere? It'll be the most obvious thing in the city, and he has three major reasons for that

One: his pride. Once the Sinobium loses its control over him, he's free to be as chaotic and wild as he wants. What better way to say fuck you to the Sinobium by making it clear you and him are an item now. They wanted both of you for their little experiments, and now they get neither. 

Two: his nature. Vere naturally seems to gravitate to being a touchy person, even in public. Its not intentional, its instinct. He cant help that his tail wants to wrap around you, or that resting his head on your chest feels so nice. So even if you ask him to keep it on the down low, itll be a bit of an open secret.

Three: safety. Once again, you're a human. No matter how strong you are, how clever, how impressive your magic, how good your foresight is, there will always be a certain fragility to being a human that will always haunt him. Even if you're the strongest person around, one dagger into one of your vital organs, and you're gone, just like that. But if people know you're with him, then there will be an understanding; messing with you is bad for someone's long-term health. Specifically, their ability to keep breathing. 

Speaking of human fragility: absolutely not. Vere is not the type to just accept he only has less than 70 more years with you and thats it. He will not “carry on” or “find the joy in the world they left behind” or any of that bullshit,. He will find a way to make you just as immortal as he is; he will not be left behind again. Don't go dying on him, because he will drag you back from hell if he has too. 

While your home base can be Erida, Vere does want to explore the world again. Go back to the places he used to haunt, see new sights, anywhere that lets him know he's truly free of his chains. If you don't want to come along, he's 100% fine with that; he appreciates his alone time just as much as you do, but he definitely wants you to join him for a few trips. Now that the two of you are together, he wants you to know every aspect of him, all the good and bad parts. And trust, he absolutely wants you to do the same. It's fine if there are certain things you don't want to talk about, you can't keep secrets like your curse from him, not while in a relationship. 

A/N: i hope yall enjoyed! I had a few headcannons about vere confessing but i wasnt really sure wether to go tragic or humorus with them, so i decided to leave them out. Maybe ill go back to it one day lmao. Make sure to stay hydrated yall, peace out ✌️!!!!

[frost-eyed-autumn]

He gives a small, helpless shrug.

"Well you've got me there," he says about the first line that appears. "You're right. You are more capable than I think you should be, and I really don't like it."

It's a small bit of honesty in place of what he doesn't want to talk about. Not directly, at any rate, until he knows more. He's not exactly someone who likes to show leeriness, but in this case, he thinks that maybe its advantageous to wear some of his tension on his sleeve. If she's genuinely not here for dubious reasons she's pretending not to have, he thinks -- or maybe just hopes, at least -- that it'll sway things, but that's a gamble regardless of why she's actually here.

"The fact of the matter is, I keep my secrets for a reason, and I can't very well go spouting them off to any random I barely know who asks. But, let's say that my assumptions about where you come from are correct. That significantly raises the chances that this is all a pointless conversation and a farce that you already know more than you're letting on, which would be a problem for me and my organization. Moreover, that would make you a threat, and I think I've already made it pretty clear how I deal with threats."

Of course, he's not suddenly become unaware to the fact that he's subtly making his own while his old wounds haven't yet fully healed, and whether she knows it or not, there's also the fact that the last time he went toe-to-toe with a Transcendent, the only reason he wasn't dead and turned into a literal puppet under control of that Ability was because he had Dazai there to help get him out of that bind.

And all things considered, he wasn't going to put it past her that Neo might have more to her Ability that she wasn't showing, the same as Rimbaud had many more tricks than anyone knew about until the day he tried to kill Chuuya. Even the vague possibility of a repeat attempt on his life, or capture, didn't appeal to him in the least.

(Neo might think his paranoia was unreasonable after working together so well, but Rimbaud had likewise seemed very meek and unthreatening -- until he wasn't.)

Still, whether she thinks it a bluff or not, he still had enough confidence in his own skills to make veiled threats at all, something he was sure she was sharp enough to weigh.

Another sip of his drink, he sets the empty cup down and crosses one leg over the other.

"Of course, if you don't want to tell me, it's not like I can just force it out of you, but..."

He trails off for just a split second with a brief flash of distance, before he can complete that thought, because he knows there are some questions he'd been asked when he was younger that he hadn't appreciated in the least. Very simple questions, as innocuous as where were you born? He had thrown a man off a third floor balcony for that, at one time, because the question pissed him off so much, before he knew anything beyond waking up as a lab rat that had been set loose.

The thought that maybe he's treading into similar, dangerous waters with her is enough to make him hesitate, internally fighting over whether he's personalizing the exchange too much.

Finally, he gives another helpless shrug that they've just circled back around to another impasse, reaching to refill his tea cup.

"Well, tell me or don't. I guess it really doesn't matter in the end. If you're not a threat, then it's a moot point, and if you are, it'll be dealt with, same as any other. Whatever will happen will happen, regardless."

𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓, 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 this question, of all things. Honestly, she thought it would take him a lot longer to want to ask this again. Mostly because of how he's still so dead set on keeping his own secrets. It's a little funny, in a way; he wants to know, but he doesn't want to be known. Nakahara Chuuya wants to keep all his secrets, including the one about whatever it is that has his boss so certain he'll be fine within the week, when Neo's come to find that the expected healing time in this world for something like that is far, far longer.

Setting down the teacup she's picked up after taking a sip, Neo gives him a very mild look, and then tilts her head. Words appear like subtitles as she looks from her plate to him, pressing her lips into a thin line of- not disapproval, but tension. A clear indication that as Chuuya predicted, she's not exactly happy about the way he's chosen to start the conversation.

The word 'transcendent' gets a reaction out of her though- but it's a laugh, rather than anything else. Ah, a couple of letters off, but it sounds like it could be something close enough... or nothing like what she is at all. Really, there's only one way to know for certain, and it's to find out what he means... which may be easier said, she thinks, than done.

That's a long way of saying 'you're a lot more capable than I think you should be and I don't like it'. It's also a lot of demands for me to tell you all about me while you get to keep secrets.

Leaning back in her seat, she shifts, one leg folding over the other, arms crossing, palms cupping the opposite elbows.

So tell me, how exactly is any of that fair? If you want me to trust you enough to tell you who I am and where I'm from... Then I expect a little reciprocity first. Asking a lady for her secrets is quite the impolite thing to do, after all. You should at least offer up a trade.

Not that she thinks he will- and if he doesn't, she doesn't plan on answering. The how and why of who she is and how she got where she is are complicated things. Things she can't just write down or explain with nothing but gestures. They're stories that have to be told- not because she thinks the sound is necessary, but the intent is. Not understanding that is basically missing the point.

Despite her stubbornness on the matter, there's no irritation in her face. Only a kind of weariness. A resignation that implies she knows she's not getting out of here without telling him more than she really wants to- but also a determination to not be the only one spilling her guts.

[thewhumpcaretaker]

♡ Healthy, Realistic Caretaking ♡

These are some aspects of caretaking which are often overlooked but form a huge part of being supportive, other than just putting up with anything and everything all the time:

Honesty about where their own boundaries lie. Being willing to say what they really feel, even if it could upset whumpee. This makes whumpee feel trusted and also feel that Caretaker is trustworthy.

Consistency. They offer the same support whether whumpee is being "easy to handle" or lashing out. They make it clear what they are and are not willing to do from the beginning, and stick to it.

If the consistency can't be maintained, they apologize sincerely and make any possible repairs.

Risking rejection. Taking on the burden of being the one to ask, "Do you want to hang out?" "Are you okay?" etc. when they know whumpee might get defensive, or might just not want them around. Accepting the answer even if it isn't what they hoped for.

Exposing their own vulnerability. Talking about things that bother them, crying in front of whumpee, admitting the things they don't necessarily like about themself, etc.

Modeling healthy behaviors. Showing whumpee their techniques for getting through stressful situations, what a solid daily routine looks like, how to have a hard conversation, etc. Doing what they hope whumpee will one day be brave/well enough to do.

Taking care of themself first. Sleeping well, eating well, etc.

Forming a support network, for both themself and whumpee. Working with a team of carers if possible, and encouraging whumpee to make outside friends. Talking through their stresses and resentments related to caretaking with an outside party, rather than putting that burden on whumpee.

This is largely drawn from things that I have read about therapists and foster parents doing, as well as things that have helped me to help others in my own life.

[mintedwitcher]

Hello I have an ao3/fandom thought I think you might appreciate (sorry in advance for the long ramble in your inbox, I apparently have a lot of thoughts on this topic). I think this fandom (mostly the main 911 show, but I've seen it a bit for lone star too) conflates the 'critical' and 'bashing' concepts far too much which causes more drama and hurt feelings than is warranted.

To me, those are two different things - the concept of bashing is, to me, taking a behaviour and pushing it to its absolute extreme and seeing what results (e.g. Diaz family bashing fics where Helena and Ramon specifically want to have permanent custody of Christopher to keep him dependent on them). And don't get me wrong, this can be very fun when you're in the mood, much like a stupid horror film or a romcom!

Comparatively, at least to me, the idea of a 'critical' tag is exploring what a character actually does in canon in a way the show doesn't. So, to follow with our example, a Diaz family critical fic might explore the way Pepa is rude about Shannon within Chris' earshot, or that time Helena hired caterers and also did all the cooking herself, does that make sense?

I've been seeing a lot of 'Eddie bashing' fics and concepts in the last couple weeks, and honestly to me a lot of them aren't bashing in the way I understand the word - criticising Eddie for what he did with Kim and Marisol, or for the kitchen scene with Buck, or his 'mistakes' with Christopher, and exploring some realistic consequences of those canonical actions isn't character bashing to me (although I understand it might be to others)

I don't really know what my point is I just kinda thought you might get this and maybe have some thoughts of your own on it? I just think the fandom might be a nicer place if we separated out the two concepts a bit more sometimes ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

no I totally get you and I agree! "critical" and "bashing" are WORLDS apart, normally.

"critical" allows for growth. it acknowledges the problems (in Eddie's case: his treatment of women in his life, his treatment of Buck, his tendency to make decisions without consulting others, etc), but it doesn't exaggerate them. "critical" does not outright demonise poor behaviour, but it spotlights it, and narratively frames the problem AS a problem that should be solved.

"bashing" on the other hand, is often exaggerated. it makes no room for growth or redemption, the opportunities for either are often destroyed off the cuff. there is NO positive resolution when it comes to "bashing" fics because they're not meant to be used that way. they exist as catharsis for the fans who are angry/embittered/upset/hurt by a character or story arc. it is MEANT to be harsh and cruel and sometimes outright OOC, because the entire point of them is to bash the character and make them as irredeemable as possible, so when Bad Things Happen to that character, the audience is HAPPY about it.

this fandom is far from my first, but it is THE first I've been in where the line between "critical" and "bashing" has been so thoroughly blurred and often just ignored outright. I've seen people tagging "critical" posts/fics with "bashing" and vice versa, and it always frustrates me. these terms exist for a purpose. there is a difference between these terms for a purpose.

I think this confusion - not to play the generational card here - is mostly coming from gen z fans of the show. This is, for many of them, their first Big fandom, and it shows in the way they behave. there has been a disturbing trend that I've noticed with younger folks, especially recently, where any sort of criticism is viewed as "cancelling" or outright "bullying", when that's not the case at all. and so they've conflated this idea of criticism = cruelty and they've imposed it onto fandom content, ignoring fandom etiquette and rules that have been here for decades already, in order to accuse those of us who ARE "critical" of being bigoted or cruel.

there's also a strange rise in parasocialism, especially in this fandom, where some fans act as though these characters are real people and can be realistically hurt by the "critical" side of fandom. which to me is just baffling. they're not real. I could go right now and write a fic where Eddie has to gargle hot coals, and nothing would actually happen to anyone in real life. Hell, I could go and write a fic where Buck gets every single bone in his body shattered into dust, and still, nobody would actually be hurt. because he is fictional. he doesn't exist.

I'm getting off track.

the point is, yeah, "critical" and "bashing" are in the same neighbourhood of fandom content, but they're on totally different streets. "critical" is looking at the house being built and thinking "oh, not the best foundation for something that big". meanwhile "bashing" is down the block staring at a crackden infested with rats and black mold and saying "haha time to set it on FIRE!" you know what I mean?

[jaxrants]

So uhhh, little update on how things are going..

TW: slight vent, m*th mention, drug use, bad mom, bad guardians, age regression, jealousy, I think that's it, please let me know if not

So for those that don't know, I'm living with my grandparents on my stepdads side now because my mom had m*th in her system (again) when we went to court, I'm going to school now, but I sit in a computer room all day, so there really is no sense in me going when I can just do the work at home. My anxiety shit is getting a little better, then immediatly getting worse. My case worker has to give me a full psychological exam, sign me up for therapy, and just it's a whole lot of shit and the damn trauma assessment person is the one that's demanding all of this, so apparently I'm a whole lot more traumatized that I had originally thought.

Onto some things about me and Val:

I am getting more and more attached to her. I can't sleep unless we're otp, and most of the time, unless she hums to me I can't fall asleep. I might be a bit more of an age regressor than I had originally thought. I fully regressed to just baby talk a couple nights ago after a really rough anxiety attack. I'm so fucking happy she loves me. If she didn't, I don't know what I'd do. I'm so fucking happy with her (when my anxiety isn't being a bitch and causing questioning and shit) and I couldn't imagine my life without her. She graduates soon, and she's planning on finding work so that hopefully soon she'll be able to buy us a place and get me out of here. I plan on trying to help as soon as I possibly can. I have also realized just how jealous both me and Val can get too. She doesn't like any of my friends, and I don't like how she talks to one of them. Kassandra is someone who's been super nice to me, but I don't like her and Val talking. I worry Val will end up preferring her over me, as her and Kassandra are close, if not the exact same age, and I'm younger than both of them.

The whole sich with my dad:

He's still trying to get partial custody of me. He and my stepmom send me lots of gifts and stuff. He got me a computer and gave me 50 bucks for my birthday and miss sam just keeps buying me things. She just recently got me a whole lot of nail polish, a Cirkul thermos, and some other stuff. They're really cool.

Living with my grandparents:

It's honestly not all that fun. They constantly force me to go to school when I don't feel well (my voice was completely changed because of some sort of sickness and the still forced me to go), and I had a really bad panic attack at school, they still forced me to go back the next day. When we first got here, grandma had a TV from my uncle mike (from before he passed) and she stuck it in my sisters room at first, then gave it to me. Well, she took it last night because I don't leave my room often and because I don't let my sisters in here to watch it often. Like damn, I'm not being stengy, I'm just having a rough time and want to be alone. So I can no longer watch tv or listen to music when I'm playing like roblox and yandere sim on my computer (it makes the games laggy if I play it from my computer, and I use my phone to text Val, so I can't use it to listen to the music) and it essentially fucked up my entire system of listening to music/watching TV on it, playing/doing school work on my computer, and texting Val using my phone (or using my computer to text Val if I'm playing something on my phone)

School:

So far, I've made around about 10/15 "friends" (I don't know them all that well but say "Hi" if I see them) and lost 1 close friend that I made. (He was really creepy and touchy when I was going though that panic attack at school. At first, I thought that was just how he was with his friends, but it was later determined by his other friends that he was being really weird as he usually doesn't like being touched. He was like rubbing up and down my spine and my side but going just a little too far down. And he grabbed my face [in a way I'd only be comfortable with Val holding my face] and glanced down to my lips one time. I was honestly terrified he was going to try to kiss me. Both me and Val found it weird, and she no longer wanted me talking to him, so I don't).

I'm quite sure that's about everything. OH!! And I'm supposed to be being taken to get my hair cut and dyed here soon. We're doing black with like lilac or lavender, I haven't decided how I want the colors split yet, so if y'all have an idea or something, please lmk.

@purpleeggyboi @salem-the-puppet @blooming-skeleton @luciluck2046 @beecha @caretaleandotherstuff @evry1h8s-me

[timefall-if]

give me an R nsfw alphabet and MY LIFE IS YOURS

NSFW alphabet for R!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

R is not really big on aftercare unless they really like their partner. they'd be super cuddly with MC, but would get up for a smoke instead if it was anyone else.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

for R, they like their butt (even though it's small, they definitely like to show it off lol), their hair, and piercings! for others, they quite enjoy a nice tongue and back!

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

R would rather have their partner's cum on them (especially on their back and face) than the other way around, but is willing to do that from time to time as well if MC's into that.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

they've used an alcohol bottle before when pleasuring themselves! i'll leave the details to your imagination heh

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

very experienced! the most experienced out of all the ROs actually, so R definitely knows what they're doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

cowgirl/cowboy and doggy lowkey lol

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

definitely more humorous about it! R's here to have fun, and they want to make sure their partner is having fun too.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

carpet does match the drapes, though shaving down there is not R's top priority! they do keep themselves groomed to a minimum (think bikini line for both m!R and f!R) but they don't think about it too much.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

R is usually not very romantic. they like to let go and turn their brain off while having s/x. even with MC, it would take a while for R to be intimate in a direct way.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

almost every time after a party if they don't leave with someone, and no place is safe! bed, bathroom, desk, on the floor, in an alleyway. when there's a will there's a way!

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

here's a post with everyone's kinks ^^

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

any semi public place! R likes the thrill of having people around and possibly being caught, but they wouldn't want others to see their partner in a vulnerable state like that.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

being put in their place because R loves being bratty with their partner. they enjoy pushing buttons and getting on their nerves.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

R would try anything at least once i think! but a huge turn off is someone being pushy about s/x and intimacy, especially when it's a one night stand.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

prefers giving and people usually take them up on their offer, so they're really good at it too! won't refuse receiving it though heh.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

fast and passional, but if it keeps going for too long the pace can get a little sloppy.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

anytime, anywhere. right now, even!

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

super experimental and open to trying new things! like i said before, R would try most suggestions, and they actively enjoy experimenting and taking risks. if anything, they prefer it to doing it the same way every single time.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

R doesn't last very long at all, they finish pretty fast, but they can go for multiple rounds without issue.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

both m!R and f!R own a dildo and a vibrator, but the vibrator type depends on their genitalia, and they absolutely use them! they wouldn't use their toys on someone if they were a one night stand, but they would if they've seen each other multiple times.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

R likes to be teased more than to do the teasing, in bed at least. in day to day life, they enjoy teasing their partner more.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

so loud, no matter the place they're at. grunting, moaning, downright screaming. might have to cover their mouth lol.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

R has totally worn a vibrator in public before, no doubt about it!!

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

i feel like R very rarely wears underwear of any kind. they like it to be breezy everywhere. when they do wear underwear, they wear thongs for sure.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

R's s/x drive is definitely high, they get turned on very easily. it doesn't always last though!

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

depends! if it's after a party? out like a light. under normal circumstances? doesn't fall asleep as easily, maybe that's why they party and sleep around so often. what. no. who said that.

[sunnysam-my]

Okay, I'm back from my superfandom hiatus and have a big one for Sam that I never forgiven the writers for. So, Dean had a daughter… and Sam murdered her because… pure pettiness?

Emma was a biological child of Dean who appeared in S07E13. She was an Amazonian which meant she grew up to a teen in two days since birth. At the biological age of 16 she started growing normally. The Amazonians forced their babies to kill their fathers, but when Emma comes to Dean she explains she doesn't want to be a monster, in reality she is trying to bring his guard down but fails and Dean pulls out a gun. They talk about how they don't actually want to kill their family and Dean tries (quite successful) to convince her to ran away and live a normal life. This is when Sam comes in and despite explaining and protest just kill her with no mercy.

Why? Was it because she was still trying to attack them? Nope. Because he was angry Dean killed Sam's monster ex/friend who had murdered multiple people and would kill again in a heartbeat if her child asked for it (he did however spear the child who did nothing wrong). That is not me reading into it, that's literally the cannon explanation explicitly said in the episode. And you know what happens at the end? Sam is the one that's pissed and fucking Dean has to comfort and cheer him up! Dean who just had his bio child killed in front of him by Sam, meanwhile Sam literally is telling Dean that wasn't his child. In the end it's treated like Dean is in the wrong for mourning his own child and being upset with Sam because Sam keeps making exceptions on what monsters are allowed to live and Dean can't even talk to his own child? Yeah, hate that bullshit.

I think this really highlighted the worst of him. He's petty, he's self righteous, acts like he can do no wrong and expects everyone to agree, he acts like he's the only exception.

And that's just one of my biggest things against him. I absolutely hate how Sam not only constantly disregards Dean's trauma, especially from going to literal hell, he also mocks it. Like, a lot. He is really emotionally and verbally abusive IMO and this post sums it up pretty well.

Ending of S04E21 is enough already on its own to make me hate him. Because Sam has some weird savour complex he despise Dean for being chosen by Angels to save the world. I get the trauma of having demon blood and all that jazz, but he literally says he thinks Dean doesn't deserve and can't possibly save the world. Sam constantly acts like he knows better and is better than everyone while completely ignoring all criticisms, logical arguments and concerns from people around him. He gets pissed and hits Dean when he says Sam is turning himself into a monster because he doesn't trust Dean can stop Lilith (while also whining about Dean not trusting him), which was, you know, literally what was happening, Sam was turning into a demon. You know, you would hope he would get better, apologize and stop acting like this, but nope. This is never truly unpacked. Oh, and the cherry on was Sam being like "You don't know me, you never did" to the person who raised him and gave away his childhood and comfort to raise his brother who just beat him to a pulp. Person who knew exactly how to find said brother despite him being excellent at hiding. Again, this behaviour never really changed or was properly addressed.

I hate how many fans defend his behaviour with "Oh, well, he was under the influence of demon blood so it's basically like drug addiction and that means it doesn't make him a bad person!" WRONG! I don't give a fuck what you are addicted to, if you abuse me you are abusing me, period. Just because you were drunk when you fatally run over someone with your car doesn't change the fact that you killed them, which makes you a killer. Substance abuse and trauma are not valid excuses for abuse. How is that not common sense? Come on.

And there's just so so so much more. I just can't handle him anymore. I hate him so much with each new rewatch.

I know that this is technically still him sucking in relation to Dean but if he did this bs to anyone I would still hate him the same.

is there any people who hate dean or sam that can tell me why without comparing the two. like every anti-dean (or sam) post is like

“dEan hAs dOnE _____ And sAm WouLd nEvEr dO tHaT”

like let’s see some real hate!! tell me you hate dean or sam because they suck even out of relation to other each other!!!!

[eternitas]

I don't hate kids. I just fear them.

I fear them and I can not get along with them. It's less thir fault and more my incompetence. Children are honest to a fault. Many can not lie without giggling, many bluntly tell what they think without really thinking of what that might cause. I fear that. I fear the honesty and ruthlessness of a child telling me my faults. As excitable they are, the idea of them telling me I am not good enough is terrifying. It isn't their fault. They are new to this world, they just learn to form their thoughts into sentances, their opinions into words, but I am fragile. I am scared.

Kids are a part of everyday life. They exist and they always will. But I am already sensitive to sounds and stimuli. On my one free day on which I have energy, going into a store full of families with crying kids that don't want to be there is like a direct assault at my energy level. And when I watch these kids I can tell that most don't want to be there. They are bored, overstimulated themselves, they feel uncomfortable, they don't like it and they want the world to know. It's not their fault. They are just tiny human beings bound to bigger human beings who live in a world where it's impossible to find someone that can take care of their kids while they go shopping. I also understand that kids NEED to be socialized and brought into social spaces to learn about the world. What a supermarket is, or what a clothing store looks like. You need your child there to make sure what you pick out for them actually fits and they like it and aren't uncomfy. But it is still too much for everyone. Parents are stressed, they lose their temper, their children don't understand what's wrong and their confusion becomes more and more audiable.

And I am right in the middle unable to escape, because I need a new set of pants and today is the one day I have time and motivation to leave the house. And I instantly regret it.

I don't want children. The thought of something invading my body and slowly growing in there terrifies me. It makes me sick and my skin crawl. Everyone speaks of how hard and aweful pregnancies are, but they swear that as soon as you hold them, that it was all worth it and a completely new world opens up to you. You are a woman! you will finally be fullfiled!, I hear my mom say, as my body tenses and my heartbeat quickens. The thought makes me want to run away. And what if I don't love that thing that grew up inside of me? What then? This is a lifelong commitment. I will have to care and be responsible for it, I can't just give it away and absolve myself of all my responsibility for a new tiny human being. No I don't want children. And if I don't really want one, then I won't have one. I will not gamble for a possible epiphany of motherhood, because a child deserves more than a gamble. It deserves a gurantee. It deserves security.

I don't hate children. I don't even hate what I fear. I know spiders are important. They need to exist for the ecosystem, they have their place in this world. They are truly fascinating. But I don't want them near me. We can coexist but please not in the same space. It's too much for me. It makes me cry, it makes me shake, it makes my skin tingle, my thoughts race and crash.

I don't hate children. I know they need to exist in public spaces, I know that is good for them and society. But it's too much for me personally. And Explaining that to people is often so much. This post alone is longer than it should be. I don't hate children. I fear them, they are too much for me to handle and we do not get along.

So when someone asks what I think of children or working with them as my job, or even having them myself, all I can do is shrug and say:

"I don't like children."

And I know they will judge me.

[hermidetta]

she knows they don't mean it.

she knows they don't mean to sound short, clipped, even the faintest bit pained—she knows, but it had been the last thing bernadetta had ever wanted and it is her fault, it's hers. they laugh. not at her, but they should have. she suddenly wants to laugh at herself, too. it takes everything in her not to. absolutely everything.

"i... i told you."  bernadetta shakes her head and fidgets her knees like she isn't thankful they're already sitting down, or she might have crumpled.  "i-i don't want anything that you don't,"  she repeats, voice trembling just a little more than she'd like. just a little. because, once she's decided to be brave, the least she can do is see it through until she folds, until both her body and mind give out. there have been a handful of times in which she has done just that.

(once, when she almost drowned to save another friend who had hurt her on purpose. another time, when she got the scar on her neck that yuri redressed themself. because being afraid doesn't mean she can't still be brave. being afraid might just always be a part of what makes her bernadetta von varley, silly and absurd but sincere bernadetta von varley, and maybe that's also been something that saves her.)

"what i want..."  she trails off. does she even know, either? and if not, how could yuri possibly know if even bernadetta doesn't? but the answer feels easy.  "can't it just be for you to be happy? can't that be valuable enough?"

can it really be that simple again?  anybody would ask.

but can't it be, with her?

"i don't know your name, but you know mine. i don't know your name, but i know when you might be hurting, and nobody needs a name for that. i know how you take care of flowers, and i know that you showed me how much to water them because i cried really hard when i accidentally killed one of yours with too much."  almost as much as she had for him when she had tripped with those shears.  "i know that you're mean to yourself, and that sometimes you only feel pretty on the outside. i know that whenever i was scared and all alone, and tied down for my lessons... i remembered you. that there used to be someone as wonderful as you in the world"—even if i ruined that, she leaves hanging in the air, forever a guillotine over her neck—"and then the world felt a lot less scary. it just, i don't know... it felt like there could still be good things in it. what else could you have ever given me that mattered?"

all they've done is make her life better. a year and some change ago they saw the stupid, killable girl who almost got them killed and still decided to let her call them her friend again anyway. she held out her bleeding heart to them back then without expectation; they couldn't do the same, she still thanked them for it. she still thanks them for it now because don't they see? they don't need to bring down the walls they'd painstakingly built to keep themself alive, how could she do that to them? how could it be anything as simple as lust for her to see their lips and instead brush her affections against the imperfection she'd left on their skin? you've always been beautiful, i'm sorry for hurting you, thank you for still being here. thank you for still being here at the same time as me. she folds her hands over wherever their walls may chip, protecting the cracks even if she can't be inside the same way yuri's always protected others, protected their world that they think they can't be part of.

"you still take care of me, even though i don't deserve it. even though i don't have anything valuable for you. you think you haven't given me anything, but haven't you already?"  and she sounds sweet not because she realizes it, not because she desires anything in return, but because they make it so easy. she can tilt her head into yuri's line of vision again, blink up at them through violet lashes and search for those lilacs. she can do that for them. whatever it takes—she can be brave enough. for the both of them, if she has to. she wants to. what could go wrong, her heart whispers, except everything?

"you can just keep being you,"  she offers, and is brave enough again to give their hand a gentle squeeze.  "however you want to be, however you feel safe to be. that's enough. you're enough, always. okay? and, um... that's my embarrassing speech. and you don't have to say anything, because bernie of all people knows that talking is scary, but please don't laugh at me. a-at least until i'm out of earshot... a-and if you're mad at me and my big fat mouth, i can go... and... and..."

and.

*⚘ crimes one and two

⠀ continued. ⚘ ethereal ball 2025 ⠀

[biblically-accurate-dca]

KILL!!!!!!!!!

[shannonsketches]

something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle