#but I also don't feel the need to use neutral pronouns or put specific labels on myself

[sboochi]

It feels so liberating that Aziraphale and Crowley are allowed to not identify as male while still (usually) presenting as male and using male pronouns. I think it woke up something in me

[evilwriter37]

I have a question... how does one know they are trans? I've been questioning my gender identity lately (some days I look in the mirror and feel gender neutral, others I feel girl, which is the factory default) and I wanted to know how to figure that out?

For the record, you 10000000% don't have to answer if you don't want to.

You know, for me, it honestly took a lot of self exploration and a lot of label changing. I used the label genderfluid for a while. Then I realized, you know, my gender feels a little more concrete, but it’s not what I started with. Switched to nonbinary. I still consider myself nonbinary, though I’m more masculine presenting and use he/him pronouns.

But I had to ask myself: Is this truly what makes me happy? Was I happy as a cis girl/woman? And over and over the answer is no. I still question myself sometimes, or desire to go back into the closet, but that’s not me. I would be miserable.

But you also have to think of the euphoria, not the dysphoria. (And you don’t even need dysphoria to be trans.) I think euphoria is what defines it for me. Like, when it came to changing my name, and I realized I’d picked the one, it was like putting on a piece of clothing that fit perfectly. That’s who I was.

Transness for me has been about experimentation and playing. How do I feel about specific pronouns? Or a specific name? Or how I dress?

I also had a lot of help along the way. My sister @lifblogs has been incredibly supportive of my journey, along with my partner. My partner is amazing. They opened up a whole new way of living for me, and that really helped me come into and discover who I really was.

It’s okay if it takes time. It’s okay if it takes no time at all. Play with gender. It’s a spectrum. It’s also entirely made up. It’s the perfect place to play!

Wishing you the absolute best of luck, and don’t be afraid to ask more questions! I’m happy to help!

[disaster-magician]

Step 2 mc ramblings woo!! Um, some things about mcs feeling anxiety, depression, insecurity, and rebellion, but I don't think there's anything too heavy! I promise all of them feel better and do have SOME happy moments in step 2 haha

Here's their step 1 ramblings below if you'd like to check that out as well! 😊

Nova Grace "Gracie" Woods. They are questioning their gender and use They/She pronouns. Sprite is slightly edited to give her a second lobe piercing and make the headband go behind their bangs bc that bothered the shit outta me. (Check out my pinned post to see the absolutely perfect full body refs of her I commed from Sunny 🫶🏾💕)

She hides a lot of herself that they fear are childish, only really feeling able to be themselves around Tama and Qiu. She still enjoys cartoons and has a special interest in space, but has taken up band(Percussion! What loud instruments for someone so quiet, who would have guessed?) and writing as well as still being an avid reader. They've done a complete 180 on scary things as well, now loving horror movies and games. Those things frighten her much less than they did as a kid now that she's dealt with the way scarier world of high school and trying to fit in.

Her Qiu has long hair with both accessories, and Tama has short hair with the headband!

Still as shy and nervous as ever, Nova goes through life insecure and sure she's being judged on a scale she can't see. She's too short and too heavy, it's weird that they prefer ASL and writing notes over talking, embarrassing that she still likes "kid" shows(her favorite show of all time is Gravity Falls and they love that they live in Oregon too! They'd gladly dress up as Dipper with Tama as Mabel if that wasn't for babies...) and stuffed animals, her different colored eyes are freakish, and they're covered in acne. All these insecurities sometimes leave her overwhelmed, and she needs to run to her safe space in the forest to hide.

She and Tama are still best friends, they've gotten official bracelets that say so and everything! If nothing else, those two can always count on each other for comfort and friendship. As for Qiu... well, as a teenager they've realized just why they always made her heart beat faster. She's got it bad, and isn't quite sure what to do about it. Not confess, that's for sure. They can't stand the idea of losing Qiu as a friend and can't bring herself to consider there's even a chance they might just like her back. Hopefully they'll learn that it's okay to express her feelings and interests, and not to be so harsh on herself.

I haven't decided yet if I'll keep her as bffs and crushes with Tammy, change it so she's bffs with Qiu at this time, or have her be best friends with neither and keep it neutral on the friendship side. Oh, also I'm headcanoning that Tammy's ribbon is cranberry and Beck's headband is gold and glittery so they can have accessories in each other's hair colors <3

Annabeth "Beck" Hyyde. She only uses She/Her, but is fine with all terms. She hasn't put a label on her gender as of now.

Her Autumn has short hair with the earrings and Tammy has the long braid with the ribbon!

Beck is still that happy, energetic person she's always been, now just a whole foot taller(she's like, 5'10. If very tall was a height option I would pick that for her) and with double the hair(I imagine that it grows freakishly fast, probably down to her hips or something when it's down). She's also started to prefer going by Beck rather than Annabeth to most. Qiu sometimes calls her by her first name while Tamarack and her Mamá only use Annabeth. She will very quickly shut it down if anyone but Tammy tries to call her Annie though. That's reserved for favorite best friends only.

She still hasn't quite figured out that she has a crush on Tamarack yet, just knowing that she finds her more amazing than most and her heart always beats faster when they're together. It would take a miracle for this sweet, oblivious kid to realize her feelings at this age. At the very least, she needs someone to spell it out for her. Or maybe if a certain glittery haired neighbor confessed first..?

She's joined the high school soccer team and already stands out as an incredible and talented player. It makes sense, she's only been practicing since before she walk as her Mamá likes to say! Her athleticism, bright personality, and unique looks have made her kind of popular already, even if she doesn't realize it. She tries to be kind and open to everyone, but her two neighbors will always come first.

She knows Tammy and Autumn are having a hard time right now, and will always make time for them to listen to their rants or to distract them with something fun. Their problems are much bigger than her own after all, her issues are just small things like struggling to maintain Cs in school and still forgetting words in english sometimes(and maaaaybe she has a problem with her Mamá dating if that turns out to be true...), she can push through and stay upbeat and happy for everyone! If she doesn't, who will?

The class clown, a jokester, whatever you want to call him, Eli always has a joke or bad pun ready to make people laugh and lighten the mood. He's leaning in hard to his comic relief role and will drop everything to help others if need be. He's stopped caring about rules and being polite like he did as a kid, adults don't know anything anyway.

Elijah "Eli" Anderson. He still identifies as a boy and uses He/Him, but has started to question if that's completely right

His Qiu has long hair with the choker and Tam has the long braid with no accessories!

He cares about his best friend Qiu and Tam the most, though. He's spent hours trying to cheer them up when they're feeling bad and thinking about what he can do to help. His reckless altruism concerns his Ma, but trying to talk to him about it has only led to arguments and points of tension that he doesn't know how to heal. Why can't she see that he just wants to make others happy?? He's frustrated that they don't see eye to eye with this and it's lead to frequent arguments, even though he desperately wishes to get along with the only family he has.

He doesn't care about school anymore, or really anything he used to. Everything is so boring in this little town, he just can't bring himself to care or do anything most days. The only thing that seems to make him happy these days is playing video games, but it's not like he can do that for a living. Whatever, that's a problem for future Eli. He'd prefer to focus on others anyway, the happiness of his friends is much more important to him than his own.

Cass is...temperamental these days, to put it nicely. She responds with huffs or sarcastic responses almost exclusively, and good luck trying to get her to say anything nice about this stupid hellhole town. She's always been a little ornery and rebellious, but lately she seems almost nightmarish in her demeanor.

Cassiopeia "Cass" Aoki-Jones. She still identifies as a girl and exclusively uses She/Her. She's decided that "Cassie" is too babyish and will snap at anyone who still calls her that.

Currently, her Qiu has short hair with the choker and Tee has short hair with no accessories! Honestly, for her playthrough I'll probably let past choices determine the neighbor's looks.

She hates this small town more than ever. She hates her stupid mother who dragged her here. She hates school and skips as often as she can without getting caught, and is completely checked out when she is there. She hates her bright blue hair and insists on dyeing it different colors instead. She hates most of the adults too, with the exception of Mr. Yusuf. Even that relationship is pretty rocky, and she herself doesn't know what has to happen to make it a good day for her.

The only things that seem to make her smile anymore are ballet and practicing guitar, and she puts more effort into that than anything else. She's getting pretty good at them too, if she does say so herself! (Opal has noticed her starting to bake in secret, and that seems to make her happy too. She doesn't dare bring it up though, afraid that mentioning it will make her stop and lose that bit of joy.) Most days, she just locks herself in her room and practices or does nothing but avoid the world.

As angry as she feels at the world, spending time with Qiu or Tee does bring her some peace. She feels relieved that she has someone to talk with about gender stuff, or to complain about complicated parent relationships. Or to just talk about how hard being a teenager is. Cass can recognize now that her feelings towards both of them is something a little different than friendship, but doesn't dare bring it up. What if saying mushy stuff like that makes them hate her? No, it would be better to just not say anything so that she can keep their friendship, one of the few good things in her otherwise miserable life. Just another thing she'll keep bottled inside, good plan Cass.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas,

You seem like the sweetest person ever! I’ve followed you for a few months now and you respond to all these anons who are working out their identities and sexuality’s and I just feel like you’re so amazing for that!

That being said, I am also in your ask box for the same thing. I need help with working out my gender identity.

I saw your response to the ‘dancer anon’ (I think it was that one otherwise another anon) and you put a link which could help explain the difference between expression, identity etc.

So you seem quite resourceful.

I was wondering if you had any resources about pronouns and terms that people feel comfortable using.

For example, I am afab, I hate being called a girl but I like being called a sister. I hate being called a women or a lady, but in the future I would want to be a mother. Does this make sense?

Oh by the way bc I didn’t mention before. I know that I am not trans ftm. I think I’m somewhere in the non binary spectrum (still don’t know the exact term tho).

Like I think I go by genderqueer just bc I have no idea, but I do want to know the exact label and I’ve read through all definitions and stuff and nothing fits me!

Ok so I’m rambling now and don’t know what I’m talking about but baisically im asking if you have any helpful resources that I can look at with nouns/terms people use so that I can see what best fits me. Idk if this is silly or not, like honestly you don’t have to respond, but thanks for being the best!

Hi!

Of course I can give you some resources!

So here is a list of nonbinary identities that might work for you!

Here is the most extensive list of pronouns I could find. I'm sure there are more out there and some people choose to make up their own!

And here is a list of many gender-neutral terms to replace often-used gendered terms!

Remember, it's up to you what terms feel okay. I don't mind being called "wife" but I hate being called a "lady." It's okay to have specific things that are comfortable!

Also, this isn't silly! It's normal to explore your likes and dislikes and your identity.

<3 <3 <3

[littlest-bugz]

intro post

welcome to my blog!!!

My name is BUGZ! I'm a bodily 22 y/o multiply disabled, queer C-DID system! My pronouns are they/he/she, but I HIGHLY prefer masculine or neutral terms :]

This blog serves as my main hub for everything I like and do- art, writing, memes, fandom stuff and more! This blog is really a collection of a bunch of random posts, and for that reason, it's really cluttered! I also will post about DID and CDD adjacent posts!!!

get to know me more below the cut!

[byf also below cut]

before you follow. . .

Our account may not be fully SFW, but we never reblog or post pornographic material! I have a bad swearing problem, struggle with """adult""" issues [such as addiction], and due to my trauma, I have a hard time telling what is socially acceptable in regards for entirely being SFW. It's something I'm working on actively! The most explicit posts you will see are likely surrounding drugs and addiction. I prefer minors do not interact personally, but liking and reblogging is okay!

I do not engage in any sort of discourse. I seriously cannot be bothered, and a lot of discourse is chronically online anyways [sorry, not sorry]. If you really need labels to feel comfortable, I am anti-misinfo and anti-harassment. Anyone is allowed on my blog as long as you don't promote misinfo, harass others, partake in ANY form of bigotry, and are not a gross person [subjective to me].

Following that; I block very liberally! This is the reason I removed my DNI, actually. If I notice you're partaking in spreading misinfo, bigotry, spam me, or anything I just don't like, you go straight to the block chamber! I curate my space for me! Not to mention my old DNI didn't work entirely anyways.

BPD/NPD/HPD/ASPD havers are all welcome on our blog! If u believe in [any disorder] abuse, leave!!

WE ARE PRO-EDUCATED SELF DIAGNOSIS!!!

about us !

As I stated before, I'm a C-DID system! I state this pretty openly due to the fact it affects every aspect of my daily life- even my posting! PLUS I talk about my system a decent amount. I also am Autistic and have ADHD :] For obvious reasons, those also affect my daily life. I have a physical disability, and other disorders, but I won’t share those for personal reasons.

You can find our frequent fronters on pronouns.cc !! [link]

In terms of my queer Identity. . . We collectively identify as transmasc, bigender, panalterous, omni oriented aroaceflux, and ambiamorous! This is an agreed upon identity the entirety of The Crew and Co. and is essentially for the body itself! Most of the time, I just say I’m queer! Names, pronouns, genders and sexualities all vary from alter to alter individually.

On our page, you will find. . .

Lots of reblogs on random topics and hyperfixations

SOME political content [your warning]

System Content [mostly text posts and half-baked, lazy memes]

Rambling and Yapping

Cat and Bunny posts

Web weaves

Talk about worldbuilding, ocs, drawing and writing

. . . and a ton more!

i have a sideblog!

Wow, I never had thought I would have more than one blog, but I DO. Here's my sideblog :

@sum-silly-bugz -We make Weirdcore and Dreamcore edits!! you can find all of those here

. . . and probably more to come!

tags!

#important - important posts to us!

#the bugz speak - my original posts including my yapping,,, may not be very original tho LOL

#reblog time - My reblog tag!! Everything that gets reblogged should be under this, but I don't always remember.

#you asked we answered - My ask tag! Feel free to send in asks at anytime

#original userboxes/layouts/flags/ect - All of our original content divided into specifics! [ note: they are not all lumped together like that, just putting them all together for the sake of space, you can find most of them tagged in this post ]

#system posting - Our experiences on system hood as well as reblogs and other stuff! Was formerly 'system stuff', and I am notorious for not using this tag

#lps posting - I am/was an avid lps collector!! I reblog fanart and post original content [sometimes,,, but usually text posts]

#cat posting - I reblog a lot of cat pictures and art!! cats r a huge comfort for me

#bunny posting - Same reasoning as cats tbh!!

#writer posting - where I post all the writing content, such as memes and text posts,,, mainly memes, but also resources and ect

#art posting - where I put all the art text posts, especially memes, but also just general art we make

#vent posting - vent posts- block this tag if you aren't interested in seeing my vents!

#the hoard - I hoard and collect deco. If the links don't work for some reason, just click this tag

#sorry for yearning on main - sorry for yearning on main

more tba . . .

links!

deco collection - A hoard of all our deco, which includes stamps, blinkies and userboxes!! WARNING; FLASHING IMAGES, BRIGHT COLORS, AND MORE! PROCEED WITH CAUTION

pronouns.cc - has all of the alters that want to be public for our tumblr specifically. There are less on our website than here, so if you want to know everyone, go here!!

our website - has our frequent fronters, digital diary, art and comms, and more! It is still a WIP but it's to a point where I am comfortable sharing :]

art comms website - two of our hosts are artists and take comms- this is their site! comms are currently open, alwyas including these funky chibi heads

my ko-fi - consider donating to the cause of... me! I'm multiply disabled and unemployed [hopefully not for much longer]. If you like any of my original content and feel inclined to, drop a dollar or two here!

[my-strange-attraction]

>call yourself a label anarchist

>use incorrect pronouns for someone every chance you get

yeah that checks out. the act of degendering by using they/them is transphobic and is radfem rhetoric. You call other people TERFs without proof and yet you are the FIRST IN LINE to misgender someone and defend yourself with “oh but it’s gender neutral”. It is not when a person has specific pronouns!!! use👏 correct👏 pronouns👏 idiot👏

"every chance you get" Factually incorrect I did use he/him in my response to the ask that mentioned it, and I apologized! I messed up, I admit it. I am a human being! Mispronouning somebody once by accident does not a transphobe make, I should hope anyone if the queer community at all is aware of that, otherwise a lot more of us are transphobes than we thought (even actual trans people!).

Also factually incorrect that I called him a terf. I specifically said he wasn't one, and I honestly don't think he's even likely to be one in the future. He seems very genuinely supportive of trans people, which made me feel better when I first clicked on his profile. I was just pointing out that this is the kind of exclusionist thinking that terfs will absolutely latch onto to start a conversation and convince you that using the label of trans is hurting regular old queer people. That's why I called it a pipeline, not a terf dogwhistle.

I'm assuming because of the timing that you're also the person who called me a straight up liar for saying how queer my school is. I don't know why anyone would lie about that, I mean just being at any college you're going to be surrounded by queer people, especially if you are queer yourself. I wouldn't need to make up a fake number about my school to say I'm in college and my friends are all queer except for like five people.

It just happens to be one of the main selling points of my school that there is a majority queer population, so the percentage is higher (although I do want to reiterate that 70% is on the higher end of the figure, rather than the lower end like I implied in my first post where I mentioned it before I looked up the figures). Also my school is quite small so it's not as difficult to attain a higher percentage as it would be at a state school or ivy.

I would be happy to tell you all about my school in the spring after I graduate and get out of this place, but I was raised to be very wary of putting any information on the internet. I know it may surprise you, but cloudy is in fact just my screen name and not my real name. I'm really careful about this stuff.

Also it's just wild to me how many people have questioned my intelligence or called me stupid in this whole thing. I have never done that! I would never do that! It's one of the meanest things you can call somebody imo. Is it just that you get a rush from saying it? Does it make you feel morally superior? Or is it like a confirmation bias thing, like me being stupid confirms that my disagreeing with you is not due to something you should actually think about and consider but just because I'm obviously not very good at thinking things through?

Idk, I know it's the internet, I just think for a bunch of people who claim to be arguing for the liberation of queer people, you sure put down other queers a lot.

Although maybe you're not fighting for queer liberation, seeing as you want to police what words other people use to describe only themselves...

[cpunkbubby]

1, 8, and 10 for the ask game! -Ace 🦎

Multigender Ask Game

1) What are your genders? Either labels/terms or descriptions :)

I have 200+ genders, so I literally cannot list them all out. Unless I want this to go on forever and ever. Instead, I'll list my "main" labels and how I section my genders in my excel sheet (that actually hasn't been updated in like 2 years so I probably have up to 300 now)

My main main label is agender, which sounds... very ironic I know. "Epiphany, how do you not have a gender but are also multigender?? How do you have 200+ genders and also not have any?" I am silly, that's how.

I've identified as agender since middle school at age 10, and I'm 18 now. That's 8 years of being agender and, to be honest, I don't feel the need to "remove" the label. I am still agender, I don't have a gender, but even acknowledging my multigenderedness, I feel like the label is just a part of me now. Like, identifying as a term for so long that it feels weird to not use it.

Another main label I use is "adversus" which means "simultaneously a gender and genderless; typically both 100% and 0% of a gender at the same time, but the percentages can fluctuate to any degree the person with an adversus identity wishes" which... gestures to being multigender and agender.

I am 200+ genders and also I am none of them, all at the same time.

Other main labels are: male, genderqueer

genderfreak: An indignant reclaimation of marginalized gender identities being viewed and treated as freakish, degenerate aberrations

autigender: A term to describe how their gender can only be understood in the context of being autistic, when one's autism greatly affects one's gender, or how one experiences gender

Sentiogender: Any gender identity which is not necessarily a gender iself, but rather a descriptor for how one experiences their gender (ex. I experience my gender as a man would)

Separsique: An AUIN (autonomous in nature) gender, experienced by people who have scruntinized and deconstructed their gender so thoroughly that they can no longer put it back together.

Sentiogender is probably why I identify as agender & multigender. I'm not agender, I just experience my gender in the same way, but also I'm not multigender, I just experience my gender in the same way.

Though, I primarily use sentiogender to describe my identity as a man.

OTHER terms I use, that aren't inherently genders are:

Angential: An identity in which you feel uncomfortable [potentially dysphoric] with having any sort of genitalia at all, but do not mind gendered pronouns or having a gender label. You have a desire to be sexless, but not necessarily genderless.

Colligerean: Someone who's overall identity has so many components that they continuously collect terms they feel fits them, of which some feel that they will never have enough terms to describe their entire identity.

Mazeric: 2 definitions, but I use "Multigender. It can also describe someone who is multigender, but in a way that may not be able to be described in a more specific label, or is complicated."

I have a million more genders & even more labels that are my "mains", but it's very hard to shorten it down.

I section my hoard into 10 sections (though that will probably change once I update it): main labels, other, masc & male, neutral & agender & non binary, misc, warmth, unsafe, aesthetics, (un)dead, and kin.

I have a bunch of genders that have to do with heat, fire, arson, or the sun, hence the "warmth" section.

"Unsafe" refers to horror genders, violent genders, or genders that could be violent (like Hanakoal: a gender that feels rebellious; that's not inherently violent or unsafe, but it could be).

"Aesthetics" are any genders relating to aesthetics or subcultures, like gorecoric (gender linked to the gorecore aesthetic) or kandicoric (gender related to kandi), and colours, like gendercoccum (gender that is connected to shades of scarlet, maroon, and red).

My (un)dead section is obvious. Any gender relating to death, dying, being undead, or being a ghost. I also have abandoe (A gender similar to that of an abandoned house; could be dead/genderless or themes of being empty or intimidating) in there.

And Kin is mainly genders relating to my fictotypes, as my genders relating to my theriotypes (or other kintypes) are in other sections.

8) Are your genders more separate or blended together?

Both! My genders are primarily separated (see: separsique), but they were originally blended together, I just separated them myself. However, I also have genders that are blended together. It depends on the genders.

I also am boxgender (a form of polygender where you feel like different parts of your gender are in different ""boxes"" or ""sections""! The things in the boxes could be related to each other like all your fictogenders could be in one box, while your masc genders are in another, or they could be unrelated. For example a box could have balloon and honey themed genders even though they have nothing to do with each other. Could also have subsections/boxes inside your boxes.), so I have genders that are within the same box, but aren't necessarily blended together.

For example, I have a lot of (un)dead genders and they all kind of... blend together. But I have other genders, like my kin genders, that are separated and I can't blend them together.

BUT I also have genders like all my violent ones that are both blended and not. Like my cannibalistic genders are blended together, but they wouldn't be blended with my genders involving teeth or claws, despite them being in the same box.

10) Do you have any analogies you use to describe your genders?

Answered here!

[zombier-ose]

Coming Out

I'm mostly doing this because I need the practice of coming out about this and what better way than screaming into the void of Tumblr?

So, it took damn near a decade after figuring out I'm definitely trans somehow, but I finally figured out how.

I'm bigender, specifically a woman and a man simultaneously, I don't flow between them at all, never have.

I'm still called R-ose, that's the name I chose a few years ago after figuring out I'm trans in the first place. The quick story behind my name is I specifically wanted my initials to spell something cool, and it ended up being R-OSE (hyphenated double first name because I love those). I wanted all my individual names to be gender neutral and meaningful on their own, but they'd spell something feminine. Also I sign things as r-o, because double first name, which still works out because when i sign things as "r-o's [thing]" it's still read out loud as "Rose" so yknow. I really like my name. You can just spell it as Rose, I 100% don't mind if other people don't put in the hyphen, I just put a lot of work into my name so why not use it yknow?

As for pronouns, I use what I just call she/him pronouns, so like alternating she/her and he/him pronouns. My biggest hope is when it comes to gendered terms (king/queen, ma'am/sir, girl/boy, etc etc etc) everyone will just use whatever term comes to mind first, but switch between the she/her and he/him pronouns as you go.

God I really hope my friends will accept that, it's the biggest thing holding me back from coming out to them anyway, because it would really hurt for them to be like "yeah that's cool but your pronouns are weird" like dude. bro. fella. I KNOW people aren't used to them but it would truly make me happier than I've been in so many years. I've never had a good relationship with gender and pronouns, I just want a tiny morsel of gender euphoria if you could be so kind

anyways if you want to read the whole gender explanation story, i put it under the keep reading thing. : ) <3 - R-ose

For the past few years I had completely given up on figuring it out. Genderfluid didn't feel right but it's just what I'd tell people IRL so they wouldn't catch onto the DID thing. And if I'm nonbinary, why do I not relate to nonbinary people at all? Will I ever figure out my gender or is it all so difficult because I'm 99% sure I'm autistic? How do I feel SO MANY gender feelings but after almost 10 years I had gotten no closer to figuring out what fits?

I completely gave up. I wouldn't talk about gender with new people. If my friends told them I'm nonbinary I wouldn't care. If gender was relative to the conversation, I'd just say I was trans and never elaborate under any circumstance.

But I figured it out a few months ago! I'm bigender. specifically, I always experience being a woman and a man simultaneously, I don't flow between them at all. So while I'm technically nonbinary, like, under the umbrella of nonbinary, that's not my gender label.

I have this joke within myself that I used to think I was outside the gender binary, but turns out I'm the whole damn thing!

I'm not really comfortable getting into any online spaces about being bigender because as far as i've seen, a lot of outdated understandings and terms are used that really hit me weird. i hope that people come to realize that bigender literally just means you experience exactly 2 genders somehow and you don't have to switch between them like a genderfluid person would. I certainly don't, never have. it's such a simple identity, but for some reason people still really don't like it.

[max--phillips]

Hello!

I am sorry for coming on anon - I can resend this with my name (am a long time follower, back from s1 Mando times, in my late 20's), if you'd feel more comfortable answering this in private.

I have some nonbinary friends, but everyone's experience is different and I'd love your insight/opinion, if you have some.

Lately, I've been having Thoughts about gender. I've never felt particularly Connected to being a woman, I am just /me/. I wonder if I am so neutral to being called any pronouns, especially they/them, because I am terminally online and it doesn't really mean anything here, same way people will often say bro or queen in this gender non-specific way. Or because I am detached from my gender as a whole.

I'd love to experience how I'd feel about passing as someone whose gender is not immediately certain, but there are several problems: I am plus size and with heavy chest (I've never liked my body, but lately I loathe it more than ever and the thought of having less chest doesn't upset me), plus I have my own style which, ultimately, is instantly seen as quite feminine (embroidery, lace, intricate jewelry, some sparkle), especially paired with my chest and round baby face.

So, I sit here wondering just how to achieve that for a try-out. Should I ditch my style completely, though it feels /me/, and get some second hand clothes that would pass as masculine and try wearing them and see how that works? Binder feels like large investment for something I don't know if I will want to use long-term, we're in lockdown right now and I can't even buy a good sports bra that would genuinely flatten me down. Is there something I've not thought of that could help with this?

I've thought about switching to she/they pronouns, but my language doesn't even have singular they/them pronoun use so I feel like I'd be lying somehow, using it only online? Is that a common thing to do, when you're in language trap? And I wonder if it's not kind of like lying, if I never come out in real life and nothing about how I am irl changes, only one pronoun online. I am ace/aro-spec, so it's not that I'm trying to subconsciously squeeze into LGBTQIA+ spaces, but I cringe inwardly that someone might feel as if I'm just collecting labels. I have hard time defining my feelings/being firm about my experiences, even if something feels right.

This turned out longer than I anticipated, I've thought about sending this for several months now. Sorry for info dumping and barging in your inbox like that. Thank you for your time and consideration, no matter how much of this you read and answer to! - R

Heya! No worries. I know that a lot of this kind of stuff can be A Lot to talk about, so I totally understand. And I have no issue answering your questions!! And and, no need to apologize for infodumping in my inbox. All good! Onwards to the important stuff:

I totally relate to not really being connected to being a woman. I've said it before, but my only connection to "womanhood" is being a lesbian. Growing up I never let myself be put into a box; in fact in elementary school when the teachers would have kids get into a "boys" line and a "girls" line I would routinely get into the "boys" line because I guess I thought I was being rebellious or something but honestly, I was just gay & nb and didn't know sfldjdfg so, it's not necessarily something you get from being "terminally online." If you think back to before you were online, can you think of any times where gender labels didn't mean anything to you? I definitely think that in certain circles gendered language means less and less (like you said, "bro" and "queen" and "king" and all that stuff), but I feel like it's more of a symptom of more nonbinary people making themselves known and the general degendering of just... things in general that's been happening lately, though that can definitely make more people realize they might also be nb.

The beauty of gender and expression is that nonbinary doesn't have a "look" and, regarding your style, you can ABSOLUTELY do both. You can keep what you have, what you know you like, but also maybe go to a thrift store and pick up some clothes that look more masculine. Hell, even just going out and trying some stuff on without actually buying anything might give you a better idea of what you want to add to or change about your style, if anything. As for the binding thing: if and when you're able to, I definitely recommend getting a sports bra that might compress your chest situation some. If you can, ordering online might be helpful, but I don't know what the extent of your lockdown is. As for binding: whatever you do Do Not use ace bandages to bind please for the love of god, BUT, you can do something called open chest binding (here's a pretty good guide from a company that makes tape for that purpose) where you basically tape down your breasts in a very similar way to how traditional binders compress the tissue. It may be a cheaper option for you to look into. That being said, if you like how it looks... looking into a binder wouldn't be a bad idea! (Or even top surgery or a reduction!)

Using certain pronouns in one language and different ones in another is pretty common as far as I can tell. Nonetheless, using she/they online isn't lying. If anything, it's being as true to yourself as you can. And that's really what all of this is about, right? Being unabashedly you in the environment you find yourself in, and making the best of what you have. Like I said before; nonbinary doesn't have a look. Anyone can be nonbinary. And honestly, like, personally my outward appearance hasn't changed that much since I was in high school. I've always just sorta been that kid that wears jeans and a t-shirt and a hoodie, yknow? So making a change when you come out as nb is also not necessary.

I think my biggest piece of advice for you is this: fuck what anyone else thinks, and do what makes you happy. Sure, there are asswads on this website and around the internet who might think you're "collecting labels" or not valid or some ~special snowflake~ or whatever. Unfortunately there are always going to be assholes. But, if it makes you feel good, if it's more comfortable, if it does feel right, then chase that feeling and ignore the detractors. I know its easier said than done; I also historically have had issues with standing up for myself in situations where my pronouns are in question (and sometimes still do). But, if you make a space for yourself, even if its just online, you immediately start to become more comfortable with that part of yourself, and somewhere along the line it does, indeed, get easier. So, even if it's just online, even if you only wear your masc clothes in your bedroom alone, even if you never tell a single soul you know in real life about your gender... it doesn't make it any less real, and you should do what you can to make yourself happy.

If you think of anything else or have questions or anything, lemme know, I'm an open book 💖

[bangchanswolfpelt]

hello hi we're gonna go through this point by point (or something resembling that) and i'm not putting it under a cut because i am, quite frankly, sick of seeing this shit in fandom spaces. rip to everyone who followed me for smut, we have Opinions here actually

There's an issue with x readers when I read it. When it says, "gender neutral" some people use she/her pronouns instead. When writing a gender neutral fic you use they/them. It's an issue, why?

NOT ALL READERS ARE FEMALE!!

Your use of the word “female” right off the bat (and throughout this entire post) sure is an interesting choice. Like. Why was this the word you chose to use? Because, I don't actually know a whole lot of people who actually primarily identify as "female." I mean, you could use 'women,' but then you probably realized you’d be catching transwomen in that particular net. You could just say 'ciswomen,' but you probably realized that on some level that would sound… pretty misogynistic?

Does reinforcing the illusion of binary sex by directing your complaints at "females" make you feel like your complaints sound more objective and valid? Or did you feel like you needed to make this an 'us vs. them' scenario, with 'them' being ‘people whose tastes don’t align with yours’, so you just picked a word you felt couldn’t possibly apply to you or to people you consider similar enough to you?

I don't really care, you still sound wildly misogynistic and like you've been drinking the radfem gender essentialist koolaid either way.

We're gonna circle back around to the fact that you equate "neutrality" to 'they/them' pronouns, as well as the assumption that you have the right to tell anyone what or how to write in a bit.

There could be males, non-binaries, etc. reading a fic that says "gender neutral/gn" but then she/her is used. There could be trans men reading that and they have body dysphoria. That's a problem, especially when the author themselves meant no harm.

Speaking by experience, I use he/him pronouns. But I am not trans. It just makes me uncomfortable. I'm not saying to give hate or anything.

As a fic reader, you are responsible for your own well-being. If your dysphoria can be triggered by the language of something you’re reading, it’s your responsibility to check for that instead of relying solely on how an author labels their work—tags/warnings are a courtesy, they are not actually mandatory, and even authors that put active effort into tagging/warning for others’ needs are still likely to slip up and make mistakes or miss things.

It is not that hard to hit Ctrl+F to check for language you know you don’t want to encounter. Modern technology has a myriad of ways to avoid the exact discomfort you are complaining about, you just have to take some basic responsibility for your own online experience and use the tools available to you like a fucking adult.

Yeah, sure, you’re not here to “give hate,” but what ARE you actually here to do then? To saddle everyone else online with the responsibility of making sure YOUR preferences are catered to? Even if you aren't here to “give hate”, if you’re just here to be entitled and demanding, that's not actually any better.

If you use she/her it's automatically a female reader. Not gender neutral or anything. Gender neutral means it's welcomed for any gender even if it uses they/them. The reader is supposed to replace the pronouns.

This is super gross. It’s so incredibly fucking gross, I’m gonna borrow your over-the-top formatting to say

NOT ALL PEOPLE WHO USE “SHE/HER” PRONOUNS ARE FEMALE!!

I would like you to please, sit the fuck down and consider the irony in making a post whining about how fandom isn't inclusive enough for you specifically, while also making blanket statements that erase/ignore the identities of other people.

Moving on from you in your shame corner, what does "neutrality" actually look like? Why do you think that you, someone with as many biases as anyone else, have the right to decide what that is?

The idea that 'they/them' is an inherently neutral set of pronouns is just not true. The use of 'they/them' as neutral pronouns is specifically for when one had to refer to an individual whose pronouns they didn’t already know or when they were referring to a nebulous hypothetical person of indeterminate (like the hypothetical 'they' I am using in this sentence).

For many individuals, the use of 'they/them' is a deliberately gendered choice they make for themselves/the characters they write. For many other individuals, being referred to with 'they/them' pronouns is an uncomfortable and misgendering experience. When used for specific individuals, 'they/them' are no more inherently "neutral" than any other pronouns. Besides that, chasing some "neutral" ideal that works for everyone in reader fic is an unachievable goal because people will always have differing (sometimes even conflicting) needs and desires. Even fic that uses 'they/them' isn't actually for "any gender"—your misguided and useless idea of inclusivity excludes anyone who is uncomfortable with being referred to with 'they/them' pronouns.

Getting personal—as someone who writes fic and uses both 'they' and 'she' as personal pronouns, when I write using either set of pronouns (or any other pronouns), I am making a deliberate and gendered choice based on how I feel about what I am writing. Because—unless I am writing a commission or a gift for a friend—the fanfic that I write is for myself before it's for anyone else. As someone who reads fic and who identifies as agender/nonbinary, as someone who has a deeply uncomfortable and weird relationship to gender, I actually do not need or want gender to be scrubbed out of all writing. I will take a good story that doesn't align perfectly with my personal lived experience over a story that's had all it's specificity sanded down to utterly nondescript blandness any fucking day. Not every story is for everybody and that is fucking fine.

Assuming someone else’s fic is or should be for you is disgustingly entitled, and going on to make judgmental posts decreeing what people can or cannot write based on that assumption is incredibly self-absorbed and immature. You're not accomplishing anything worthwhile with your sad attempts at public shaming, no one is learning from or inspired by your insipid little temper tantrum.

An additional point: if the idea behind 'they/them' is to be able to replace the pronouns with the pronouns of your choice, then why does it even matter what pronouns a writer uses? Text replacement extensions don’t have a HARDER time replacing 'she/her' than 'they/them', WordReplace isn't going to get as mad about which pronouns a writer uses as you apparently will.

Stop putting "gender neutral/gn reader" and use she/her. Sometimes it makes me feel like that fanfiction is only for females and not for any other gender, and I know I'm not alone on this one.

“only for females and not for any other gender” I'm sorry, AGAIN, who the fuck is using “female” as a gender identity?

Also, hey!! Fun fact for you!! Fandom HAS historically been a space dominated by women, because women (along with queer people and people of color) have spent a very long time having their tastes ignored or derided by mainstream culture, so a not inconsiderable amount of fandom was fucking BUILT by people who (at some point in time at least) identified as women. Because women wanted to make/see creative works that catered to their interests and desires, so they rolled up their fuckin sleeves and made those works for themselves. BUT that doesn't mean that there's no room for people who aren't women—in fact, fandom has ALSO been a space where a lot of people who identified as women came to realize that they weren't women, it's been a place where people come to explore their sexual and gender identities in weird and wonderful and varied and often very specific ways—and the fact that in your call for "neutrality," you're flattening out the diversity of fandom into "females" and people-who-aren't-females?? just to pin your issues with fandom specifically on "females" seems extremely fucking telling to me, and again, really makes it sound like you've been subscribed to Gender Essentialist Weekly.

You know who fandom actually isn't for? People who don't know how to contribute. Fandom is not a restaurant, it's a potluck. You don't get to show up empty-handed and get mad when no one's interested in taking your order.

I notice that this post is the only post you have on your blog, OP. You know what would get you more of the kind of fic you want? Actually making the kind of fanworks you want to see, and showing people with tastes like yours that there’s space for it and interest in it.

Y’know, like everyone else who’s participated in fandom has.

Sometimes people just put it there just for it to get popular, and if you asked me I'd say that's messed up. Fortunately, not all gn readers are like this.

And if you say that there's barely any female reader fics out there's a ton. This whole post is about not using she/her for gn. So respectfully shut the fuck up. Search up a person for an x reader and there will be a ton of fem readers. So stop spouting bull shit.

I've seen more posts complaining about the state of "gender neutral" fic than I've seen posts/comments/messages complaining about "barely any female reader fics", which is zero(0). Maybe I've just been exceptionally fortunate, re: what comes across my screens, but considering I had to put my eyeballs on this post today, I don't think that's the case. I think this is bullshit.

Also, if there's a male reader and they say DNI for she/her and she/they and you still interact, what the fuck is wrong with you? Male readers BARELY get any fics with he/him, NON-BINARIES TOO! I'm jealous that you actually get some fics that use correct pronouns.

This is only tangential to the original point of your post, but—DNIs are not a replacement for taking responsibility for and enforcing your own personal boundaries, and expecting people to check every DNI of every blog they even so much as brush up against is just unrealistic, especially on a site where content spiderwebs out through tags and reblogs like it does on tumblr. Yes, people who deliberately cross other people's cross boundaries are assholes, but not everyone can be expected to immediately be aware of or care about your boundaries on the internet. Also, framing this as 'respect this specific group's boundaries because they don't get enough fic for themselves' is a weird fucking take, and your jealousy is irrelevant to the subject of whose boundaries should be respected.

(Not all females are like this and they've earned my respect. Go go females! Also, let's go, lesbians!)

The fact that you’re talking about “not all females” and “females” who have “earned [your] respect” reeks of misogyny. Putting a little rainbow fedora on it and following it up with a meme doesn't make it less obvious or less repulsive.

I'm so petty about those types of people that I want to write a fem reader and use all sorts of different pronouns throughout the fic but not she/her but I'm not.

DO THAT.

It would be miles more productive than making this post was, and I'd have some actual respect for you writing that, as opposed to this trite, performative excuse for a PSA that’s already been made a thousand times before and contributes absolutely nothing to fandom.

Please stop doing this. If you say gender neutral use they/them. Not, and never EVER use she/her instead.

Thank you.

You do not have the right to tell people how to write/tag their fic, and you do not have the right to make demands of people who are making and posting creative works as a hobby, for free. If you want a specific type of fic to exist in fandom, get off your high horse and start writing it yourself.

There's an issue with x readers when I read it. When it says, "gender neutral" some people use she/her pronouns instead. When writing a gender neutral fic you use they/them. It's an issue, why?

NOT ALL READERS ARE FEMALE!!

There could be males, non-binaries, etc. reading a fic that says "gender neutral/gn" but then she/her is used. There could be trans men reading that and they have body dysphoria. That's a problem, especially when the author themselves meant no harm.

Speaking by experience, I use he/him pronouns. But I am not trans. It just makes me uncomfortable. I'm not saying to give hate or anything.

If you use she/her it's automatically a female reader. Not gender neutral or anything. Gender neutral means it's welcomed for any gender even if it uses they/them. The reader is supposed to replace the pronouns.

Stop putting "gender neutral/gn reader" and use she/her. Sometimes it makes me feel like that fanfiction is only for females and not for any other gender, and I know I'm not alone on this one.

Sometimes people just put it there just for it to get popular, and if you asked me I'd say that's messed up. Fortunately, not all gn readers are like this.

And if you say that there's barely any female reader fics out there's a ton. This whole post is about not using she/her for gn. So respectfully shut the fuck up. Search up a person for an x reader and there will be a ton of fem readers. So stop spouting bull shit.

Also, if there's a male reader and they say DNI for she/her and she/they and you still interact, what the fuck is wrong with you? Male readers BARELY get any fics with he/him, NON-BINARIES TOO! I'm jealous that you actually get some fics that use correct pronouns.

(Not all females are like this and they've earned my respect. Go go females! Also, let's go, lesbians!)

I'm so petty about those types of people that I want to write a fem reader and use all sorts of different pronouns throughout the fic but not she/her but I'm not.

Please stop doing this. If you say gender neutral use they/them. Not, and never EVER use she/her instead.

Thank you.

[readbyred]

My name is Lee, and I would like a matchup for lsoh. Romantic, please.

I am androgynous, and have both masculine and feminine energy, as I identify as being gnc. I can't exactly explain what gender i am, as i dunno what label I'm most comfortable with. I use it/its pronouns though, and I'm bisexual! I am an infp type t, with a pisces sun, (though technically i am on the pisces-aries cusp due to being born on march 20th) aries moon, and Cancer rising. My favorite color is yellow (though it doesn't really relate to my overall vibe tbh) and my least favorite color is pink. When it comes to what i wear, I'm partial to neutral tones and masculine clothing unless I'm feeling specifically feminine. I have dark brown hair with bangs that usually cover my left eye. My eyes are hazel, and typically appear brown or dark green. I'm 5'2, and am somewhat chubby. I have a very round face, and my cheeks are very defined when my face isn't relaxed. My teeth are pretty sharp, to the point where I'd consider my canines and anything behind my canines fangs.

My hobbies consist of drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, sleeping, and watching old kid's movies. I know that's not many hobbies, but I don't get up to much.

I'm a cat person, with a preference for warm colors excluding neutrals. My favorite holiday is Halloween, and my favorite season is winter until it actually gets unbearably cold. I'm a night person and ambivert, and i consider myself to be pretty adaptable and friendly. I manage to be pretty intimidating in real life, for some reason. People like to make rumors about how I can be aggressive or violent, but I've barely ever physically fought with anybody outside of family.

I have ADHD, BPD, PTSD, and SAD, along with GAD and social anxiety. These can get in the way of a lot of my relationships and i do need lots of reassurance that people aren't mad at me or aren't thinking badly of me. I tend to withdraw if I'm upset, and need to process things. I don't typically leave the house unless it's a requirement, and i like chewing gum and bouncing my leg as my coping mechanisms. I'm pretty stubborn and have a short fuse, but if i really like someone it's hard to let go of them. I tend to fall in love with my friends on accident.

My most ideal traits in a partner:

Maybe someone who. Acts tough but is really just a big softie on the inside? Or maybe someone who is clingy but not aggressively or in the way a child would be, in the sense of the excessiveness. I need to be able to take care of someone, or I'll feel like a burden, but i also need them to listen to me ramble, and help me decide what I'm feeling. My thoughts are often jumbled, and i feel really intelligent until i speak to people. Definitely looking for a lot of cuddles and cute conversations. And definitely some adventures.

My most toxic traits happen to be my excessive stubbornness, sarcasm, and tendency for emotional extremes. I also have big issues with being direct about my boundaries and moods. I ignore red flags often, and i nag a lot. I try to be really adaptable while also being independent amd sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Honey, I don't want to sound rude but my matchups have been closed for a while now. And I don't recall putting lsoh on the matchup fandom list. Sorry for causing confusion

[whatwouldfrogsdo]

would you be able to tell us what your headcanons are for each character? (from the pride icons) i don't know all the flags off the top of my head! thanks :)

anonymous said:

what are the flags behind nursey in your pride icon?

anonymous said:

What are the flags you used for nursey and ransom in your pride icons?

Pride flags used:

Rainbow Flag (Bitty, Dex, George, Kent)

Bi (Holster, Ransom, Whiskey, Tango, Ford, Tater)

Pan (Jack, Lardo, Nursey)

Ace (Shitty)

Trans (Chowder, Whiskey)

Genderqueer (Tango)

Grey-A (Nursey)

Polyamory (Ransom)

From this post and this one. I’ll put my headcanons and a bit of chatter about them under a read more because it got pretty long.

Nursey: Panromantic (Pan flag in the heart) + Grey-Ace

(it was a while ago that I did his icon and only after I posted it and someone else asked what it was that I realized that this actually isn’t a universal flag, it was one someone made up a couple of years ago and hasn’t been normalized in the community, but it seems like the only one that has been is the Asexual one and honestly I think Nursey would love to have one that wasn’t the mainstream one and was a bit more specific to him. I do actually also headcanon Nursey as not really knowing where he stands on his own gender and thinking gender labels and the binary are complete bullshit but eventually just telling himself to chill over it constantly and not quite getting around to questioning if he is genderqueer/agender/what exactly. And because I had already started on the icons and would have to make their faces a lot smaller to be able to fit a third layer of flags on, I didn’t try, I simply went for 2)

Ransom: Bi + Polyamorous (Blue, Red and Black stripes with the pi sign)

I will go down with Poly!Ransom honestly. I know I’ve hinted at this in fics before, about him, March and April being together all three of them (somehow Bitty got the wrong end of the stick because March is more open about PDA and more likely to be at Samwell on weekends after volleyball season’s ended because she’s from CA and April is from MA and you never assume your bro is dating two girls at once). At that point (at Samwell) his relationship with Holster was bordering on queerplatonic, not that they labelled it as such, but then he moves to Boston with Holster and they’re both busy and suddenly getting down to Samwell at a time when March and April are free becomes difficult and- well he talks about that a bit in this fic (though bear in mind it was written before N crushed our dreams of NHL!Holster). I’m still not sure how I headcanon his endgame with Holster being, but Ransom probably finds someone else as well.

Holster: Bi

For the record in my fic Fresh (more about that later) when he says that he knows of 4 members of the SMH who are LGBTQIA+ he is one of those 4, and so is Ransom. Bros don’t keep their sexuality from each other, bro (but also, like, no need to tell the rest of the team, bro. Love them and all, but they don’t need to know this right now). He takes a long time to train himself out of the sports culture mindset of always only ever attempting to wheel girls, even after accepting with himself that he is into guys as well.

Jack and Lardo: Pan

I don’t have much explanation for Jack except for how I read it from canon, particularly the time he was telling Bitty about his past experiences. Lardo, also, I don’t have much explanation for except that’s just how I see her.

Shitty: Ace

Again this is one I don’t have much explanation for? But I see it anyway. One time he and Lardo had sex because they’re such close bros that if Shitty’s gonna feel comfortable with that with anyone when his libido is pretty high it would be Lardo, but afterwards they agreed that was the weirdest thing they’d ever done and went back to being queerplatonic bros.

Chowder: Trans

For more on this headcanon go and read Fresh. It’s still a WIP but it’s a lot easier to direct you over here than write out the millions of headcanons I have about how Chowder is trans.

Bitty, Dex, George and Kent: Gay

Obviously Bitty’s sexuality is canon (shout out to the one person who tagged their reblog of my icons with how pleasantly surprised they were at his until they remembered it was canon), and the other three are prominent enough in fanon as being gay that I probably don’t have to give this much explanation. George as a lesbian means a lot to me because with the ratio male:female in omgcp it’s so easy to end up shipping the few girls with have with guys in the comic (I mean. I’ve done that with Ford. And I do love any and all people in the fandom creating content where she is a wlw and having relationships with women) and especially when you throw canon relationships into the mix it leaves very little scope for having a lesbian character but George is there and she obviously has a wife? Isn’t that canon now? (It’s probably just fanon but still)

Tater: Bi

Tater going to America because of homophobia in Russia, and then finding his sanctuary with the Falconers with their Lesbian Assistant GM and even though he’s still not going to be out in the NHL, he just feels a lot safer and happier in general, and he wants Jack to know that they’ll have his back. But he’s still going to say that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, rather than a partner (gender neutral) because he is bi, he would date women, and he doesn’t want the media getting suspicious.

The Taddies: All bi; trans!Whiskey, Genderqueer!Tango

If it weren’t for the gender headcanons and aforementioned struggle with getting three flags onto the icons I might have put the polyamory flag on these three too because PolyTaddies or whatever they’re called in fandom are my jam. Which is also why they’re all bi (and nobody gonna try and tell me my girl Ford isn’t sapphic even if she’s in a relationship with a trans man and an enby). Tango’s pronouns change a lot, and the whole thing is more confusing for him than for anyone else in all honesty. (W: just stick to things that you can remember to respond to. T: People can use nouns as pronouns??? English is so cool. F: English is your mother tongue. T: But not my grandmother tongue?? Is that Spanish or Tagalog? I have two grandmothers. W: *facepalms*)

[conversationscripts]

Can you help me. I'm going to start therapy soon and I don't know anything about it and I'm really nervous. What Im worried about the most is explaining to my therapist that I'm nonbinary and go by a different name than on my birth certificate. It's important to me because I'm very uncomfortable being called the wrong name and pronouns and I don't know how to explain it if they don't know what nonbinary is. I don't want to end up having a breakdown over having to explain something that is small

So. First thing to remember is that therapists deal with this a lot. If you have a good therapist (you can specifically look for one that is versed in lgbt issues. this is a good website. Just put lgbt and whatever else you need into the search) they should need little explanation. So something as simple as this is often enough.

Them: Hi! It’s nice to meet you. I’m *their name*. 

You: It’s nice to meet you too, my name is *prefered name*. I understand that may be different from your records but it’s what I feel most comfortable with. I would also ask that you use *they/he/she/ze ect.* pronouns when referring to me. 

Them: Oh! Alright. Thank you for telling me. I’ll change my records. 

This is most likely the situation you would find yourself in. But there may be situations where you need to explain a bit more. 

Them: Hi! It’s nice to meet you. I’m *their name*.

You: It’s nice to meet you too, my name is *prefered name*. I understand that may be different from your records but it’s what I feel most comfortable with. I would also ask that you use *they/he/she/ze ect.* pronouns when referring to me.

Them: I’m sorry but I don’t understand what that means? 

You: Well, it means that I don’t identify with the gender I was assigned at birth. I feel very uncomfortable when those labels are attached to me and would prefer that you not refer to me using those words. 

*if non-binary* I don’t identify as male or female I’m *agender/bigender ect.* so I prefer neutral pronouns. 

It may be a good idea to give a small definiton of your identity and a sample sentence using your pronouns. 

You: So instead of saying “He is sitting in that chair” please say “They are sitting in that chair.”

Keep in mind that if they don’t know what non-binary means they are very unlikely to use your pronouns consistently don’t be afraid to correct them. 

Them: “So Sally, how was your day?”

You: I prefer the name Alex please. I had a really nice day…

Just correct swiftly and gently every time and it should stick after a while. 

Hope this helps you guys out!