#but I already GOT my very practical degree I just want to be able to say I have an MA when I’m writing my silly little books

[daviddcorenswet]

not sure what I was supposed to take away from bunny by mona awad but I’m fairly certain I wasn’t supposed to stay up well past midnight researching creative writing masters programs to apply to

[star-anise]

are we talking about broke therapists yet?

I've been out of things for a couple of years now, which is why I'm willing to talk about it, and maybe the pandemic has helped things a little, but holy shit the counselling and psychotherapy field is not equipped to help its practitioners in the gig economy.

Of all my interests and talents, I pursued a degree in psychology because being a therapist is supposed to be a safe, stable, well-paid job. Every therapist I met who was registered before 2008 worked and lived under that assumption. And oh boy are all the fee structures--registration, supervision, continuing education, conferences--set up for that scenario.

After getting my Master's, I struggled like hell to get a job. It was especially bad because to get my license, I needed a supervisor to take me on. To take me on, most supervisors wanted me to already have a caseload and client base. To get a caseload and client base, I needed a job.

Friends: Every single job I heard back on wanted me to have my license before I could even land an interview.

Professors and career advisors and professional development specialists all advised me very earnestly to just keep cold-calling people on the supervision list, and it began to feel a lot like my parents' friends telling me to hit the bricks and hand out resumes. That's what worked for them, right?

I finally got a supervisor who agreed to take me on, and I'd be able to use her clinic for advertising and workspace, and we were doing the paperwork to send in with my registration, when she called me up and said, "Is this job going to be your only source of income? If you're trying to depend on getting clients and building your practice for your basic needs, this is not going to work out. This has to be something you're doing on top of a basic salary. Okay, so you're not working anywhere else right now? I'm sorry, I can't move forward with this."

Even once I landed a supervisor and a job building my own private practice, I struggled. I have ADHD and am not great at self-promotion, so trying to do all my own advertising, scheduling, bookkeeping, billing, and records management (on top of counselling) was an enormous strain. One my bosses, supervisors, and other senior professionals watched with a slightly critical eye, but consoled me about because in their early days, their clinics had had business managers, receptionists, filing clerks, and accountants, and getting used to doing everything online yourself was a bit of a learning curve, wasn't it?

I counted my pennies very carefully, because I had to pay my supervisor roughly $180 for their services every 6 hours of in-person counselling I did. This meant that to break even I had to charge my clients an average of about $30 (plus room rental and service fees) an hour--and my clients, being people with complex trauma, were frequently poor, disabled, unemployed, and had no health benefits, so even $10 or $20 a session was a lot for them.

Maybe it would have been easier if I could have taken some of those nice comfortable organization positions where they find clients and funding for you and you work 40 hours a week and get benefits and a pension, but I had to be disabled into the bargain, so working 40 hours a week just isn't possible for me. I start passing out from stress and exhaustion. Older colleagues gave me serious-faced advice about approaching my employer and asking them for some flexibility and accommodation in my schedule, and I tried to explain across the gap between us that employers simply did not hire me if I made the slightest noise about the workload. They weren't going to invest in me as a person; they were hiring 40 units of work a week, and if I wouldn't do it there were a dozen applicants after me who would.

At one point I broke down enough to email my licensing body because the Annual General Meeting/Professional Development Conference was coming up, and I wanted to attend, but I could not produce $500 to do it with. Was there some kind of way I could attend anyway? I felt ashamed to have to ask, and then absolutely mortified when the response came from the organization president, who needed to personally sign off on me being too poor to attend the single most important event in my profession's calendar year.

I honestly felt so ashamed all the time at how I was apparently failing to be a successful therapist, failing to be rich and successful, and every time I mentioned it around mentors and bosses, I could feel myself shrinking from a person to a problem to be solved. My closest therapist-friends and I have reflected on how much more difficult, poorly-paid and underworked, our various career starts have been than we were ever warned about. About the classmates and coworkers who couldn't get disability exceptions when they fell behind in their registration requirements, or burned out and left the field, or dropped their registrations and took up as life coaches, or moved their whole family somewhere exceptionally remote or rural because it was the only good job available, or worked for some godforsaken app skirting the bounds of malpractice like BetterHelp.

I like those conversations, because I feel less like an absolute fuck-up in them. There's less "Hey Lis, you were so talented in grad school, I really admired you, what are you doing now?" "Oh, I, uh... am professionally disabled, so I get government benefits, and I... sell embroidery patterns on Etsy now."

My own therapist kept asking if and when I felt like going back to being a counsellor, and I finally told him: I don't, actually. I don't want to go back and do it like I was doing it before. It was a profession I loved to the depths of my soul, and it profoundly did not love me back. I can't even imagine what would have to change, in me or it, to make it have a space in it that could fit me.

All of which I was way too scared to admit to at the time, because the more I let people know I was struggling, the more they hinted that maybe I just wasn't in a place in my life where this was a job I could do, and I needed to take a little break and wait to come back until money and disability just weren't issues for me anymore.

Eventually my cups of doubt and exhaustion did overflow, and I quit. I'm here now, living a much different life. And at the very least, all my years of helping people in bad life situations set me up perfectly for my own. I already knew what form to fill out for financial assistance, which student clinics to access for mental health support, and which government agency would, if pressed, cough out pharmacy coverage for the genuinely destitute. It gave me that much.

I hope this is just me being in extraordinary circumstances, sitting at the intersections of a few different shitty life situations that most people skip right past. Because it's on one level comforting, but another deeply infuriating, if I'm not, and I've just missed it or we've just all been too afraid to admit it to each other.

[nyerusnova]

Glad to see that Tim being a giant Dick Grayson fanboy is finally being highlighted again, and sparking more discussion especially on their early relationship! (Please gimme more!!! I love them so much, augh!)

Probably as a result of that surge, there seems to be reciprocal chatter on the topic of how young Tim actually felt towards Jason, too. It's honestly pretty interesting, because it's more nuanced than it appears at first glance.

Which means it's very fun to dissect! ✨

There's a degree of subjectivity to keep in mind, because readers are going to have different interpretations of the same scenes, or will pull from entirely different scenes than one another to form their individual view on this topic. That's just how it is in comic book fandom, for many things! Regardless, in this case... if the scale ranges from the extreme of "Jason was Tim's Robin" to the other extreme of "Tim actually hated Jason [as Robin] or thought he was a loser that got himself killed" — the actual truth is closer to the middle, as is often the case.

At least, in my opinion.

Mainly I want to focus on those relatively early days with this post, to highlight Tim's initial(-ish) feelings towards his heroes, and touch on the point at which they really begin to change. This turned into a very long post, though. Brevity is beyond my skill, so grab snacks and water lol. Transcripts for each image will be posted at the very end under the cut.

So, the two storylines I want to cover are "Rite of Passage," which is rolls into "Identity Crisis." (NOT to be confused with the major crossover event "Identity Crisis™" which came years later, and is where Jack Drake dies.... But it sure is an interesting coincidence that Tim deals with the loss of each parent in two similarly named stories!) These take place before Tim is even Robin, and I'll be considering them as one arc for this post.

Detective Comics vol. 1 #618 (July, 1990) -- Pages 1 & 2

"When Gotham needed him, he was there. When the Batman needed him, he was there. He was a hero."

"One day, I'll be as good as Jason. One day I'll wear the suit."

To start off, we have this opening from "Rite of Passage." Tim is still in training here, mainly helping Bruce with minor stuff from the cave. His parents are off traveling, alive and well as of these next few pages. He's still bright-eyed and full of wonder. An extraordinarily weird but ultimately innocent kid.

So his view on Jason is positive and fairly simple: a hero, and someone to look up to as Robin. Clearly, Tim here doesn't think Jason was deficient in his role, either as a protector of Gotham or as Batman's trusted partner.

Moreover, Tim already held Dick in very high regard because he was amazingly skilled before he became Robin. To Tim, that's not something he'll ever be able to achieve. Meanwhile, Jason wasn't like that. He was a regular kid without crazy acrobatic training since practically birth. Yet he still went on to be a hero—which is obviously motivational for Tim who finds himself in similar shoes.

It's true that Tim only ever knew or thought of Jason as Robin, and idolized him in that regard. But that's kind of all that mattered to him at that point, because he was this kid who was utterly star-struck by his heroes. Even if he's technically aware of their shortcomings as people, it's overshadowed by the hero-worship.

It was kind of the same with Bruce as Batman at first. (Which was still enough for Tim to risk life and limb to help his beloved hero, before Bruce even knew his name.) Dick was the only one Tim had any sort of "personal" relationship with beforehand, so there is an extra level of attachment—and hence why it was the nidus for his obsession with Batman. Yet even then, it wasn't like he actually knew anything about Dick as a person until later. Until then, Tim's ideas of him were all he had, too. With Jason, Tim just didn't get to know him at any point before his return (oof), apart from what he heard over the years secondhand (also oof).

Ultimately, it's the loss of innocence—along with the ricocheting bullet that is the unresolved guilt of those around him—that begins to change Tim's perception. Not just of Jason, but of things in general.

Batman vol. 1 #455 (Oct., 1990) -- Page 13

"I know why they do it now. Why they put on the suits, and the masks, and go out into the night. They're angry, they're full of rage. They want to hit back."

Losing his mother was a major shift for Tim, obviously. This is right after the previous storyline, and Tim's had the worst week or two of his life (so far). His monologue here is a reference to what happened to both Dick and Jason. The unbearable pain of loss, the rage masking the grief underneath. And importantly, that he feels both of them were justified in their anger. (And Bruce too, indirectly.)

The major theme of the aptly named "Identity Crisis" is to mirror aspects of Dick and Jason and Tim's lives—to show how they converged onto the same tragic road. It's something that Tim notices early in the story, and was frightened by. Now, horrifically, it's become a part of him as well. His parents are gone, and he was entirely helpless to do anything about it. Dick was the same way, Jason was the same way. The cycle is repeated.

In particular, the part about him wanting to go to Haiti for revenge—for his mother—sort of struck me as being an intentional parallel to Jason and Ethiopia. It's a bit of a stretch, especially in isolation, so others may see it differently (e.g. the angry ramblings of a grieving child that does sound like something anyone might say). But it always stuck out to me because of how much Tim is compared directly to Jason in this arc. More on that below.

It's not something I can really give an accurate feel of because it's a lot of subtle things that begin to add up, so I'd encourage folks to read this arc themselves to see what I mean. (Or maybe you'll still disagree which is fine too lol.) Again, many things are in reference to both Dick and Jason in relation to Tim, but it's weighted more on Jason's side.

Batman vol. 1 #455 (Oct., 1990) -- Page 18

"You think my anger will boil over, the way Jason's did. I can assure you, it won't!"

Tim's grief has begun to pull away the veil of idealism that enshrouded his heroes in his mind. It doesn't apply only to Jason, but to the rest of them. Plus add the fact that Tim's keenly aware that he's being managed, even if the adults around him are careful to not outright say certain things. He still knows.

Bruce, Dick, and Alfred are all worried about Tim potentially turning into "another Jason." They (and mainly Bruce) caution Tim to not ignore his emotions, but they're still concerned that he may be overly eager to prove himself in order to cope, and could get hurt or killed as a result. While they aren't wrong for their caution—especially at how unsettlingly similar all the circumstances are—they aren't very subtle about the elephant in the room.

Imagine how that would affect Tim's perception of his predecessor, especially when he's in the midst of a traumatic event he hasn't had time to fully process. The negative association is pretty much inevitable.

Tim's known from day one that he's walking in Jason's shadow, and now it's become inescapable. Tim went from seeing Jason as a goal to reach, to feeling that unless he surpasses him, he wasn't going to be taken seriously by anyone. However, as of this arc, Tim doesn't even fully come to that point yet.

Batman vol. 1 #456 (Nov., 1990) -- Pages 14 & 15

"Drop-outs don't make it. And dead heroes are no use to anyone!"

It's really easy to take away "Tim totally thought Jason got himself killed" as the main thing here, but I think that's missing the forest for the trees.

First some context: Bruce has gone out on a mission to get Scarecrow, and expressly forbade Tim from doing any shenanigans. Meanwhile, Tim is grappling with wanting to prove himself and trying to help Bruce from the cave, all while trying to deal with his emotions. At some point, he falls asleep and ends up having like... exhaustion-grief hallucinations of Dick!Robin and Jason!Robin who confusingly caution yet encourage him. The main theme of this part is facing your fears.

Depending on how you want to interpret the intent of Jason's dialogue here, you could go several ways with it. Ranging from "writer's feelings towards Jason" to "a peek into Tim's mind as his fears manifest as visions of his heroes" or some mixture thereof.

Though Tim argues with Bruce that Batman needs a Robin, we're shown that Tim is understandably scared of joining Batman's "war." He's still not willing to let Bruce go it alone, though, and that's something he feels more strongly than his fear.

Meanwhile, hallucination!Jason's warnings are a lamentation of what happened to him in a way, but it actually exactly describes Tim's current situation even more so. Unlike Jason, Tim is under-trained, under-experienced, doesn't even have a suit of his own yet. But like Jason, he can't sit by and do nothing while someone he cares about is in danger. Tim knows that if he goes out there, he will probably get himself killed, and it will be his own fault. So he's about to disobey Batman's orders, and fly right into danger. If that got Jason killed, then Tim—who is in a way worse position experience-wise—has every chance of ending up the same.

Like... it's about Jason, but it's also about Tim. It's Tim's worst fears made manifest, via the representation of why he is even here in the first place (Jason's death).

That's my theory anyway, but perhaps this is an overly charitable reading of this scene on my end. (Not that I think that makes me wrong lol.) However given that Grant wrote both parts of this arc, and the beginning of which is especially favorable towards Jason, it certainly is something to ponder. I have a lot of thoughts on it I can't expand on here tbh but perhaps that'll be another post.

Anyway, returning to the point of the similarities vs differences between Tim and Jason: since this is the arc that solidified Tim as the next Robin in comic continuity, it makes sense that the writers really pushed the comparisons between the two of them, specifically. (Even though Dick was pretty similar, as going against Batman's orders is the Robin thing to do, it's not his shoes Tim is directly filling.) So making Tim's "debut" story arc mirror Jason's "swansong" is an obvious narrative choice.

To drive home the parallels, I wanted to include this panel from just a few pages prior to the "daydream":

Batman vol. 1 #456 (Nov., 1990) -- Page 9

"The suit is magic."

That so distressingly close to Jason's famous "being Robin gives me magic" line (Batman #385, page 6). Given all the previous context, it's hard for me to just dismiss it as pure coincidence. Even if it is, the point still stands. Tim is shown having the some of the same heartbreakingly naive views as Jason once did, right in front of Jason's memorial, just as he's about to go and run off into the night against orders.

I think that speaks for itself. There's a lot to take away from it, if you so choose. Especially given the context of that specific Jason arc.

Alright, back to the main course:

So in the end, Tim actually goes out in civvies and a ski mask because if he fails, then at least he wouldn't bring shame to Robin's legacy™. When he gets fear gassed saving Batman, it's once again both Dick and Jason that he hallucinates encouraging him to push past his fear. (Shout out to the fact that he's literally more afraid of tarnishing the legacy of Batman & Robin than he is of dying.... I'm sure this will not be a recurring thing for him in the future.)

Tim's ideology is shown to be similar to Jason's, and the actions Tim ultimately takes are similar to Jason's... but the outcome is different. And it really isn't just "Tim succeeded where Jason failed." At least, that's not what I took away from this. Rather, Tim had no reason to succeed any more than he had to fail, just that he did. Luck combined with caution because he knew what happened to his predecessor, and the fact that Batman was there to finish the job all made the difference.

You could say (and I know some will) that it's just classic Jason character assassination and the writers trying to implore readers that this new kid is different we promise pls don't hate us look how much better he is! But in this case, that feels like it undermines the whole point of this story. It doesn't fit with what the characters actually say.

Thus, we return to the question of how Tim felt towards his predecessor. And the answer is different from where we started, because Tim is different. Not that different though. Because even though at this point Tim—like all the adults around him—has probably attributed Jason "going off on his own" being what led to his death, Tim still thought of him as a hero to look up to. It's about Robin, first and foremost, yes. But Tim is fully aware of the people who made that suit mean what it does, because it's all intertwined.

Batman vol. 1 #457 (Dec., 1990) -- Page 20

"I mean--Dick made it into a symbol the whole world knows. Jason gave his life for it."

Even further, Tim thinks of it in terms of Jason having given his life for what he believed in, for the legacy that now falls to Tim. There's a sense of gravitas there. He's afraid of failing both the Robins who came before him.

Ultimately do I think Tim adored and loved Jason on the same level as Dick or something? No. It's not comparable. (Dick was like part of some of Tim's earliest memories and everything! They have a really unique bond ok.) Yet Tim was also far from thinking poorly of Jason so early on. Frankly, it seems that Tim thought of Jason as a noble hero and a cautionary tale. Yes he took risks and sometimes went too far, generally stuff that Tim doesn't want to repeat and all that. At the same time, Tim still saw him as someone whose legacy and memory was worth honoring.

It's complicated, which is why I like it so much—because it feels real. Having conflicting feelings towards someone is... so human. Especially someone you never got to know, yet who plays such an integral role in your life via the shadow of their death. How can you feel anything but complicated towards them?

It has to be said that, yes, Tim's views—even before Jason's return—change over the years. He becomes more jaded as a person and is surrounded by people who are even more jaded than him... and who often mention Jason as the "failed Robin." It's something that's hung over Tim's head all the damn time. The curse of the Robin mantle.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise that Tim's idea of him becomes more akin to "sounds like a skill issue" as the years go by. All bets are off after Jason's return, and the Titans Tower Incident™. At that point it's firmly "I am better than you, loser" lmao.

And... that's all without getting too into things like authorial intent and general "moods" of different DC writers towards Jason at a given point. Or retcons that played a role in his characterization and how other characters talk about him, depending on what "era" you're reading. That's way beyond the scope of this post though!

TLDR; even though young Tim Drake was obsessed with Dick Grayson as Robin, he still looked up to Jason Todd as well. He didn't think of Jason as a cringefail loser until later. :)

(image dialogue transcripts under cut ↓)

Dialogue Transcript for Image 1 (Detective Comics vol. 1 #618 -- Page 1):

Narration box (Tim): When Gotham needed him, he was there. When the Batman needed him, he was there. He was a hero.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 2 (Detective Comics vol. 1 #618 -- Page 2):

(Scene continued from previous page)

Narration box: But he was nothing special, really. Just a boy, who was taught--trained--brought to his full potential by someone who knew how. Just a boy... like me. I know I can do it. I know I can. One day I'll be as good as Jason. One day I'll wear the suit. One day I'll be a hero.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 3 (Batman vol. 1 #455 -- Page 13):

Tim: I hate him! I hate him! I know why they do it now. Why they put on the suits, and the masks, and go out into the night. They're angry. Full of rage. They want to hit back. They want to fill the hole that's burning inside them.

Bruce: There's more to it than that, son. Much more.

Tim: I know. It's just--I feel--like going to Haiti myself and strangling that creep with my bare hands!

Bruce: The Obeah Man will spend the rest of his life in a prison hospital. He's history. Forget him! But don't fight against your anger. It's natural. Accept it. Live with it. One day it'll be your friend.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 4 (Batman vol. 1 #455 -- Panels from page 18):

Tim: Because you think my mother's death has upset me too much. Well, it did. But I've taken your words to heart. I can cope. You think my anger will boil over, the way Jason's did. I can assure you, it won't. But that doesn't make any difference, does it? Why can't you have a little faith in me?

Dialogue Transcript for Image 5 (Batman vol. 1 #456 -- Page 14):

Narration box (Tim): Blast it! My head's starting to swim. I'm about ready to give up. I almost wish I'd never heard of Batman and Robin!

Vision Dick: Heroes never give up, Tim.

Vision Jason: You know that.

Tim: Dick--! Jason Todd!

Vision Dick: You're training to fight in a war, Tim. It'll last all your life. No matter what, you have to go on fighting.

Vision Jason: Drop-outs don't make it. And dead heroes are no use to anyone! I thought I knew better than Batman. I thought I could run before I could walk. I killed myself, Tim. Because I couldn't wait. Because I couldn't think it through.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 6 (Batman vol. 1 #456 -- Page 15):

(Scene continued from previous page)

Vision Dick: Think, Tim. Concentrate!

Vision Jason: You can do it.

Both: You can do it!

Tim, waking up: What--? Robin...?

Narration box (Tim): I must have been daydreaming. They're right, though. There's a solution to everything. I can find it! So here I go again... Whim. Caprice. Doing something without forethought.

Dialogue Transcript for Image 7 (Batman vol. 1 #456 -- Panel from page 9):

Narration box (Tim): The suit is magic. It gives you power. It hides your weakness. It makes you give it everything you've got. It makes you a hero. If only I could!

Dialogue Transcript for Image 8 (Batman vol. 1 #457 -- Page 20):

Bruce: Are you afraid of it?

Tim: No. It isn't fear. It's more... the suit carries so much history. I mean--Dick made it into a symbol the whole world knows. Jason gave his life for it. Failing them--what they fought so hard to build--that's what worries me!

Bruce: I appreciate that, Tim. That costume weighs a whole lot more than any symbol should... and I'd be failing you if I expected you to bear that weight. So... let me know what you think.

Narration box: A mask has a double edged, he said. It hides your own anxiety as it strikes fear into your enemy.

[maxsimagination]

𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 - 𝗮.𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗱𝘆

summary: yn goes on strike against the rfef but is bombarded with questions by the media at practice. alanna helps her through it.

-> !! tw for vilda and rubiales

𖦹 masterlist

𝗜 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗦𝗣𝗔𝗡𝗜𝗦𝗛 𝗕𝗢𝗥𝗡 and raised, it wasn't something i tried to hide. my friends knew it, my girlfriend knew it, the team knew it. unfortunately, the media knew it too, and when the world cup scandal happened and then the players returned to their home clubs, it was the perfect chance for the media to get their opinions.

but they didn't have a very friendly way of getting it.

i had been called up to the world cup, i'd played in it. i wouldn't have played if i knew about the corruption that the spanish federation held. and don't get me wrong i was stoked that we won, but i refused to celebrate the fact that vilda and rubiales won too. change needed to happen.

now i'd been called up to the national team again for the nations league. i was one of only three players who had stood by their decision and refused to play. mapi leon and patri guijarro the other two, who refused to play in the world cup.

i knew that they could revoke my license to play for club and country and they could fine me, but i didn't care. my manager and coach at man city knew of the situation and he was fully supportive of what i'd chosen to do.

most of my teammates knew of what was happening too, especially alanna. she was my girlfriend of two years, us having got together after only a couple months of knowing each other.

normally we'd drive me into practice or training together and we wouldn't have a problem with fans or media. but this morning i was at my own house and alanna wasn't giving me a ride. she had to pick up mary from somewhere and drive her into practice.

so i gathered my kit from its various places around the apartment and got ready. i grabbed my car keys from the hook and headed out.

i stopped off at the closest coffee shop on the way there, i needed to grab my morning coffee before functioning. when i pulled into the staff and players part of the parking lot, i knew something was up. there were more cars than usual here, especially in the normal parking and it had an overcrowded vibe to it.

i grabbed my kit from the back and had my coffee, phone and keys in my hands.

i saw alanna's car in the lot so i knew she was here already. before i could make it inside the training facility, i was being surrounded by people, mostly fans and media reporters. i quickly typed out a 'help' message to alannna and hoped she'd know to come out.

he reporters started throwing questions at me about the spanish football federation and why i wasn't playing. the fans just wanted to get photos.

i signed a couple of things and took a couple photos but the media kept asking and bugging me. they wouldn't stop, even when i tried to get in to train.

"yn! how do you feel about being called up again?"

"are you going back to play for spain?"

"why are you refusing to play, yn?"

only a couple of questions thrown at me were able to be heard, most of it was just people shouting and clamouring to get my attention. i didn't answer anything from the media, they were questions that already had answers to them.

i'd done an interview alongside mapi and patri when this first happened and we all answered questions to this degree.

i tried in vain to get inside the training facility again before checking my phone to see if alanna had gotten my message. she of course had, and there were a flurry of messages from her asking where i was and what happened. i shot one back just stating 'outside' and hoped to god that she'd come quickly.

thankfully she did and not even a minute later i was being dragged by the wrist away from the media and journalists and back into the safety of the facility and my girlfriend's arms. i breathed a sigh of relief as she hugged me.

"thankyou, i thought they'd eat me alive." alanna continued rubbing my back in comfort.

"they shouldn't even be here, it's a closed practice. are you okay? what did they say?"

"i'm ok, lans. they just kept throwing questions about the world cup and the federation at me. and shouting. there was so much shouting."

alanna hugged me again before she lead me inside and we set my stuff down.

"i am never letting you drive here yourself ever again. hempo can drive mary, they live close, i’m driving you. it will never happen again." my heart warms at her fierce words.

"you don't have to do that, i'll just get here early so they don't have a chance to get me."

"they shouldn't be here anyway. i'm coming with you, end of story." she raised her eyebrow at me, daring me to question her. i found it all funny how she reacted so i was smiling. "okay okay. you drive me to training. happy?"

"yes. very happy." she looked smug and very proud with herself and we joined the rest of the team in the locker room to get ready for practice.

[sagesskies]

ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴏᴏᴋᴍɪɴꜱᴛᴇʀ!

The farm is practically buried in snow. Everywhere I look, it's all white. Dad said he's worried about the animals. Richard told me he's more concerned about how we're going to shovel all that snow. We've made bet on how long it'll take. Richard thinks it'll only take two days. He's too confident. I'd say we'll need more than four. Though, I'm screwed if the farmhands are around… I wonder if it's too late to change my wager…

To [Name],

Anyways, how are you? I've heard that you're in law school right now. Good job! I think Richard was planning to do law too— that, or business. I could never tell what exactly the guy wanted to do. He just wanted to have more, and more.

Right now I'm still working at the farm. Though, I'll be honest- I'm kind of sick of the place. I love dad, and Richard is okay. But it's just the town that's the problem. I can never go outside without people staring at me.

You probably think I deserve it. You're right. But don't I also deserve to be able to go outside without having eyes on me at all times?

It's Christmas soon! Dad sent the rest of our family presents. All Richard and I got were new boots— Same thing he got us last year. No problem with a new pair. I just wish dad knew we'd like something else like, I don't know, maybe a new car? I've had my truck since high school, and it's a miracle it hasn't gone kaboom.

I've sent something along with the letter. Though, you probably already knew that. I'm not gonna say what it is (That'd ruin the surprise!!) but you'll definitely thank me when you see what it is. Or at least, feel some degree of appreciation.

Hope you have a happy holiday. Stay safe, and know I'll love you always. No matter how long it's been. Or what we've both done (And yes. Both. Don't pretend like you played no part in what happened.)

Yours,

Gabe

A very merry christmas to all of you! Apologies for my absence. There's really no excuse. I'm still accepting requests, though requests for sequels are up for debate.

On the subject of sequels- Will there be one for Gabe? I know I had the first one labelled as Part 1, and I do plan to provide it a Part 2, and I already have an ending in mind (As hinted in the letter) but I'm still trying to figure out a way to get there.

Again-- Merry Christmas to you all 💚

credits to @cafekitsune for the divider!

[kings-highway]

Hiya King! I’ve been making my way through a bunch of your fics recently (they are so good!!) I was wondering about your writing habits. How often do you write? Do you have writing exercises you do or do you mostly just work on fanfiction? How long have you been writing for? I am loving all the stuff of yours that I have read so far, so thank you for posting them~ (hope this wasn’t too many questions lol)

Hiya!!!!! Absolutely A-ok not too many questions at all I love answering questions so much!! I'll try not to ramble on forever and ever in my answer.

1. "How often I write" is a little hard to pin down. First, I need to explain that I have a desk job and I cover night shifts, so I actually do a lot of my writing in the downtime at work (sanctioned by my managers everything is ok it's permitted.) So due to being trapped at a computer screen and keyboard and not being able to leave for multiple hours, I tend to write... a lot more than I might on average. (Pretty sure this is the only reason I did any of the readings for degree ontime lmao). Typically, I am an all-or-nothing writer. If I have a free day, either the whole day is writing, or I don't even look at the document. I sort of go where the muse takes me in that way, which I know doesn't help for taking ideas for your own writing schedule, but it's the truth. I try not to be afraid of the long-quiet periods of writing, I always eventually get back to it.

2. Writing exercises? Fanfiction is my writing exercise! No, for real! Due to the relatively recent boom in people engaging with me and getting to play the role of the fanfiction author more and more it's sort of changing, but the reality is, I consider myself a writer outside of fanfiction more than I do any of my fanfic creations. Fanfiction has always been a writing exercise for me - original worldbuilding, original characters, original everything can be a lot of work, and I've found that writing fanfiction helps me crack out of some of my bad habits. Focus instead on stories, the actual beat and rhythm of my writing, foreshadowing and the actual prose. Of course, in some of my... newer works, my AUs and more fantasy ones this isn't as applicable (The End feels almost more like a standard original novel in terms of work for writing) BUT for me, fanfiction is "easy" - I don't have to decide how the characters act. Their personalities are already set - I don't have to decide the worldbuilding (usually), that was already decided. All I have to do is play in someone else's sandbox, so what's left is the foundational skills. If you can master writing in character for someone else's character, your ability to identify your own character's voices, what is needed to make someone sound different and unique from the other characters, how different archetypes fit together, it all becomes easier. And it frees up my brainpower to focus on playing with formatting techniques, and telling different stories, and learning what works and what doesn't when it comes to dialogue, scene setting. It's all in service of learning the trade. Hence why all my fanfiction is Haikyuu lmao... This isnt my natural writing state, I don't want to write for every single fandom I come across. Daichi has just become written equivalent of a crash test dummy for me. but a very important one - writing fanfiction got me out of a 2.5 year writing slump in which I basically never opened a page at all! So while it is very special to me, I tend to write fanfiction as a way of scrubbing my brain between original projects and to practice my skills rather than considering it my best writing. Hence why my fanfiction is almost entirely unedited. I ain't practicing those skills lmao. Otherwise... no other exercises. Writing with a buddy is always fun though. See who can get the most words done in however long.

3. "How long have I been writing" - literally, truly, genuinely, as long as I can remember. I don't say this like most people do, when they say "oh I've been writing/drawing/playing my whole life" when they really have just been casually interested and only started really trying recently - I have been writing my whole life. One of my earliest memories is of creating a stapled picture book I hand drew and writing that was a fairytale about me, my brother and my dad going on a fantasy adventure. I kept stapled pages of handwritten novels in my desk drawer - I used to get permission from my 3-5th grade teachers to skip recess and lunch and go down to the computer lab and work on a novel instead of going outside (got all my friends doing it too!), I finished my first 30k novel when I was twelve on my mother's work-assigned laptop (it was Warriors fanfiction.) I remember when my brother taught me when and how to do paragraph breaks, I remember him saying he wanted to write a novel and me going "that sounds so cool" and then never ever moving on even after he did. I could wax poetic about how writing is like air to me, and has been the only thing I have never doubted about myself in my life. Or, I could just admit that I'm a writing Nepobaby because my dad's worked in TV and Film as a writer and editor for pretty much his whole life so from the moment I started telling stories I've had the absolute best teacher and guide to bounce ideas off of for themes, story beats, plot structures. :p Anyway like a solid 2 decades at minimum.

Anyway thank you so so so so much for reading and liking my stuff, I hope this was satisfactory for answering questions even though I did end up going on and on. Thank you! Mentally giving you a nice soft-baked cookie of your flavour preference :) 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

xx

[andhumanslovedstories]

sorry if you’ve answered this before, but what made you go into nursing?

In 2016 Donald Trump got elected, which was not what I was expecting to happen and a bit of a disappointment, to put it very very lightly. I was 25 and basically been bumming around my parents' house working as a barista when me and Cyrus weren't traveling and living in a van. We had plans for the future, but they were more "where do we wanna live" rather than "what do you wanna do?" Once he got elected, it didn't feel right sticking to the same plan. I felt I had to do something different with my life, something that mattered and helped people and offset the harm that would come and that had already come.

So I thought about the stuff that I valued most (having a job that helps people, having a concrete positive effect and being able to see it, maintaining access to care, reproductive health, advocating for people who aren't in a position to effectively advocate for themselves, intersectional feminism), and I thought about the stuff that has always interested me intellectually (public health, narratives of caregiving and illness, the history of the AIDS epidemic, people I don't know anything about, how people behave in extraordinary moments, my mom and aunt's nursing stories), and I thought about a bunch of practical concerns (didn't want to take work home with me, good paycheck, good job security, a lot of different uses from one degree, I'd be able to get my nursing degree in an accelerated second degree program for very cheap if I arranged things right*, worst case scenario it would give me something to write about).

It also matters a lot that my mom is a nurse and so fucking passionate about nursing, and that I admire my mom tremendously. Meanwhile my aunt, who I also admire, was an ESL teacher in an underfunded district, and I saw how passionate she was as well, and I saw how much work she took home every night and weekend and how much of her personal money she poured into her work. Seeing the life of teachers up close eliminated teaching as a career course. So nursing made the most sense. I was in community college taking my pre-reqs by the time Trump was sworn into office.

I did home health nursing because that's what I could get hired for as a new grad, and now I do bedside hospital nursing because it pays more, it's easier to get time off, I get to talk to other people, and it gives me a lot of skills I can take to wherever I go to next. I've been a nurse now longer than I was in school to become a nurse, which was one of my most basic career goals, and I have a lovely apartment, and don't worry too much about day-to-day finances, and when I come home from work I'm usually proud of what I've done that day. And best of all, it's literally impossible for me to do my job from home. They can't make me. The patients aren't in my lovely apartment. On the whole, I'm very satisfied with how all this has been working out.

(*I'm very sorry to say the circumstances which allowed me to do this are basically unrepeatable for the layperson and rely heavily on your mother being a nursing school instructor, and your family being willing and able to support you as you completely cease making money so you can become a legal dependent again and be eligible for your parent's tuition reimbursement. I can offer no advice here, just gratitude to my parents for helping me out so much.)

[jakey-beefed-it]

I watched Alien: Romulus tonight, after having wanted to see it since it came out. Spoiler-free review: It's a B that could've been an A. Probably the best Alien movie since Aliens, definitely the best since Alien 3. It's at its best when it's doing it's own thing, and at its weakest when too directly trying to be "just like Alien/Aliens!". If I have one chief complaint, it's that it would benefit from a stronger 'less is more' approach than it takes. Spoilers below the cut.

So one problem I have is the timing. The alien's lifecycle, as established in other films, takes time. It's fast as hell compared to normal things, but on the order of hours and days rather than months and years, rather than minutes. They could've tossed in a single comment to the effect of "the scientists extracted the black goo compound and refined it, testing it on the facehuggers and whoops their lifecycle got sped WAY the fuck up" but they didn't so that's the realm of headcanon rather than text.

EDIT: rewatched it today and there is some commentary over how the xenomorph has a measure of control over its metabolism; the reason it's able to mature so rapidly and yet also shut down for long-term vacuum survival. It's not quite as apparent as I'd like but it definitely qualifies as offering at least some textual explanation so my above complaint is less 'this makes no internal sense' and more 'this strains my suspension of disbelief even more than the things' ability to grow to prodigious size without seemingly feeding on anything already did.'

Speaking of the black goo, yeah, it ties back into Prometheus (which I saw, and personally didn't much like) and Covenant (which I didn't see owing to not having much liked Prometheus). On the whole I don't know that this was the right move for the franchise, but the film mostly makes it work. The final monster being essentially a xenomorph/engineer hybrid was not a premise I was excited about and the stills I'd seen made it look kinda stupid, but in the actual execution, it is suitably unsettling/uncanny and imo it actually works.

There were a couple of nostalgia lines that made me roll my eyes pretty hard- when Andy rescues Rain toward the end by zero-g divebombing an oncoming xenomorph, shooting it and saying "get away from her" i was like "yeah great, good callback, good moment". When he then adds "...you bitch" I rolled my eyes. Didn't fit the moment or the character, was strictly there to reference a better moment in a better movie.

Which isn't to fault David Jonsson, who plays Andy extremely well. Due to synthetic fuckery he has basically 2, 2 and a half personalities throughout the film, and he does them all very very well. Stand-out performance IMO, would love to see him in more stuff.

Cailee Spaeny does a good job as Rain, there were a couple moments early on where I wasn't 100% convinced of her authenticity, but as the film wore on, I saw that it was an acting choice to make Rain a bit socially stunted, coming across as awkward.

None of the actors were bad at all, and while I have some ethical concerns with digitally resurrecting a cgi Ian Holm circa 1979, the effects were cromulent and whoever they got to do most of his voice work was quite good, and Rook made for a decent antagonist.

On the topic of 'less is more' I mentioned above, I really wish they'd used fewer aliens in a couple of the big set pieces. You don't need a dozen scrambling facehuggers to be terrifying, you honestly don't need more than one, but the pair of them from the scene with Ripley and Newt proves that 'one per endangered character' is a fine guideline. Likewise when they get to the hive section of the station, they could've kept it every bit as terrifying (and indeed probably more so) with fewer, stealthier aliens than they used.

EDIT: the things a lot of horror fans care most about that I didn't mention on my first pass. The SFX are great, very effective. I'm not sure to what degree they relied on practical effects but there's a much more tangible feel to a lot of things that are very hard to get with cgi. There are a couple of cgi moments that are less effective imo- the zero-g acid blood wasn't 100% convincing though it was by no means bad -but for the most part, it was all very convincing and suitably visceral for a franchise so thoroughly rooted in body horror. The deaths were gruesome in a franchise-appropriate way, for the most part, and people who watch horror movies with that as their priority should be reasonably satisfied. The lighting was dark in a good way- not so dark you couldn't see what the fuck was happening, but dark enough that the shadows were ominous and potentially hiding threats. Set design was flawless, no notes.

From a scientific standpoint, i didn't like how solid the rings were. Planetary rings are absolutely a feasible astronomical hazard one would want to avoid crashing into, but that's less to do with their status as what looked like a frozen sea of bumper-to-bumper icebergs, and more to do with their being composed of eighty fucktillion objects moving at orbital velocities which will absolutely shred any object moving perpindicularly (more or less) through them. This is admittedly a pretty nerdy quibble that most viewers won't give a shit about and I'm willing to mostly overlook it for the sake of the film but it did make me pull a scrunchy Kermit face.

My most minor complaint was the (in my opinion) overuse of the Weyland-Yutani name and logo. A single use of the logo would've been sufficient. Since the film's mission statement was basically a return to the whole cassette-futurism of the first two films, calling it simply 'the Company' would've gone a long way toward that.

Probably my most significant complaint pertains to misogyny. Like, okay, this is an Alien film, it's going to be chock-full of reproductive body horror, big creepy bio-mechanical genital-lookin stuff, etc. But of the four characters who die, both men die of 'being attacked by a full-grown alien'. One dies by being impaled by a phallic tail, so that's something, I guess. The other dies by getting whomped upside the head and falling into the stream of some acid pouring from a distinctly vaginal alien coccoon. He'd just rammed a phallic tazer thing into it though, so maybe it's some weird sort of payback if you want to psychoanalyze it. Both women, however, die due to alien pregnancy- one from a normal chestburster, the other killed by the weird uncanny human-alien-engineer monster her fetus turned into after she tried to save her own life by injecting the black goo. Not by its birth, despite the size of the coccoon thing she passes and the accompanying blood loss, but when it comes back and chomps on her a bit with its more eel-like pharyngial jaw. Which is also rather phallic now that i write it out like that. Meh.

EDIT: there's also a bit of unfortunate implications wrt race. Two points, outlined below.

The most obvious is that the artificial person owned by the company is a black man, but given that previous synths in the franchise have all been white actors (Ian Holm, Lance Henriksen, Winona Ryder, Michael Fassbender) it probably gets a bit of a pass. Only a bit of one, in that Andy is outright stated to be a more menial model than, say, Ash or Bishop given the designed role of 'mining colony asset' rather than 'science officer' or 'colonial marines assset' which has some unfortunate implications. I might have more to say on the matter if I myself was black, but I'll leave that to other reviewers.

The other thing is that the survivors are the white woman and her synthetic brother (played by a black man, as mentioned above). Which could be worse, for sure, but it doesn't sit entirely right with me that the brown guys (I couldn't speak to their specific ethnicity though I'd take a stab at 'mixed' with some white ancestry in there too) and the brown woman (definitely a latina) get killed off. As a mixed white/latino guy, I just wanna see a brown person survive the whole horror movie sometimes. I'm often disappointed. At least the director is a latino guy? It's something.

On the whole though, it's a pretty effective, decent Alien film that could've been a very effective, great Alien film if it had a bit more restraint. Your mileage may vary, of course, but in my opinion, the weaker elements don't wholly overwhelm the stronger ones, only dragging it down a peg or so.

[baby-brunette]

a spontaneous review of my perfume collection 🌹

i was about 14-15 when i picked up a bottle of Japanese cherry blossom from bath & body works. i practically wore it all the time & my fav thing about it was the way the glitter shimmered on my skin throughout the day. i haven't been to b&bw in a while so idk if they're even still making glittery perfumes. there's of course the floral notes but i remember it being kinda soapy too? like it kinda smelled like u just took a bubble bath with flower pedals lol. the memories aren't very clear but i get glimpses of summer camp, field trips, & when i & other girls wore wire cat ears, flower crowns & we popped the lenses out of shades cuz we liked to wear just the frame, y'all remember that right?

as for sweet cotton candy ( bodycology ) i don't remember buying it but i know for a fact i got it from walmart years ago. if japanese cherry blossom was in one hand, sweet cotton candy was in the other. idk why i took the sticker off tho. scc is almost sticky sweet, but not very overwhelming. i was stuck on these two for a good while as u can see i'm almost out. i refuse to use them now cuz jcb holds so many repressed memories & i scc has been discontinued by bodycology, they're very sentimental pieces to me.

i happened to find this one day & bought it on impulse. big mistake. it smells similar to the one i got from b&bw AT FIRST, but when it dries down its sweeter ( like splenda sweet, i hate splenda ) & the floral note fades quicker. also there's no glitter.. which is no fun. pretty bottle tho but i don't see myself wearing this anytime soon, it's not terrible just very bland & it's just not the same as the one from b&bw like i hoped it would be

i've made a post about this one already when i found it. i absolutely adore this scent, smells exactly like the one from bodycology. 🩷 it smells like pink sugar crystsls & it's not too sweet either. it's more like cotton candy ice cream rather than actually COTTON candy which is fine with me. btw i think this is perfect for bubblegum coquettes.

i got these years ago & i remember loving cupcake swirl at the time but it's just wayyy too sweet for me now. it's like disgustingly sweet which i guess is good if u like that kinda thing but i only wear it from time to time just to try to like it again lol. i tried giving it away to my friend but she didn't want it either. i think someone gave me cookie butter & it's also kinda strong but i like it.. it's slightly buttery like those Danish cookies. if i had to choose between the two i'd choose cookie butter, that's the one i used the most out of the two. unfortunately i haven't seen cookie butter anywhere since then. if i happen to come across more i'll definitely get s'more, i'm practically out. for some reason it reminds me of cool sunday mornings

ngl i saw my mutual post about this one in a mini haul & i went & got it. it smells lovely, sweet, floral, powdery. kinda reminds me of a night at the beach during a full moon, perhaps even a date night. this scent has an androgynous feel to it, i think it can be appreciated by coquettes & faunlets alike. now that i think about, maybe i'll get my bf to wear this... i think maybe dark or grunge coquettes would like this one

if u were around for Melanie Martinez's crybaby era but was never able to get her milk perfume ( i feel ur pain :ccc ), i think this a good replacement. i know i know, the notes are mainly powdery, not lactonic, but i think she'd wear this especially during that time, don't u agree? even the reputation this perfume has reminds me of melanie to a degree, not sm the slogan but the advertising & the way the models were dressed up ( also if there's anyone out there that has/had the crybaby milk perfume & u know of a perfume that's very similar PLEASE let me know.. ty :* )

i think this is the most recent one i got? i don't remember, but this is lovely. it's a fresh bouquet of lilies & jasmine & vanilla/syrup mix, i'm thinking more ethereal coquette with this one. this reminds me of marc jacobs commercials, it's what angels smell like. this is great if u want something sweet & simple.

strawberry pound cake is the scent i reach for the most as of right now, partly because my bf really likes it. you'll be walking around smelling like a strawberry pound cake of course, & who doesn't want that? while for me, strawberry pound cake is an everyday perfume, pretty as a peach is usually for occasions or when i'm dressed more mature/androgynous than usual. it's not everyday that i go around smelling like fresh fruits, but when i do, this is what i'll be wearing

this one isn't only the most eye catching of the bunch, it's also a classic coquette perfume that i'm so glad to have finally gotten my hands on. this is the most complex perfume i have so far. top notes are very sweet, fruity, mostly cherry, & at times can be nutty & smell of almond extract. needless to say, if u love the classic coquette look, this is a great finishing touch

last but not least, pink sugar! this one i find lasts the longest, i wore it to sleep last night & i woke up smelling just as good. this too is great for bubblegum coquettes & is great if u want a perfume that lasts all day. i swear i've used this exact same perfume even before japanese cherry blossom & sweet cotton candy. it was in one of those small roll on fragrance oil bottles. my mom bought it for me & i was so sad when i ran out. so glad i've finally reunited with this scent <3

[timetravelinator]

I saw this post today and it reminded me of something library related I want to talk about.

As someone with a bachelor's degree in English and as someone who's working on a Master's in Library Science, this is something I'm quite used to. And this exact belief is what makes me so upset about a lot of recent legislation in regards to librarianship. Take Arkansas's Act 372 from last year as an example. Act 372 makes it illegal for librarians to "knowingly" distribute "obscene material" to minors. But it does not define obscene material, and leaves things very open for people to challenge, say, frequently challenged material dealing with race and sexuality. But crucially, this act also overrode most libraries' current policies on book challenges. So previously and in general, most libraries would receive a challenge on a book, and that challenge would be taken to a committee including library personnel, usually a children's staff member specifically. Those people would read the book and determine if it should be banned, or honestly more commonly, relocated to the adult section. (Most librarians and adjacent personnel really want books to be available no matter what, and are pretty anti-censorship overall, so this is the more common answer.)

But under Act 372, if that process outlined above results in the book being kept where it is, the person challenging it can then go to the "governing body of the city or county" and appeal. The act states that the city or county's decision is "final."

So basically, what this means is that if a committee of librarians, aka people who have gotten that Master's Degree in Library Science, have taken the time and effort to learn the best practices of the field and become experts in it, some of whom also have doctorates or other specialized degrees in the field, if that committee of trained and certified librarians decides a book should stay on the shelf, but then a committee of people who work for the city the library is in and are in no way trained or knowledgeable about the best practices of librarianship, can then get this book removed from the shelves. And that decision will be final.

This act was added to the Arkansas constitution, but it hasn't actually taken effect, because a bunch of libraries got together to file an injunction. These libraries are going to court in December of this year (2024) to revisit this law and challenge Sections 1 (to ask them to define obscene material) and 5 (to ask them to reconsider having the city or county as the final say.) All there really is to do is support your local libraries.

And this isn't just an Arkansas problem. There's a similar bill in Alabama, California, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oklahoma again, Oklahoma one more time, and many more tracked by the American Library Association. I don't really have much of a call to action about it to end this post, because I don't really want to spread fear or make people think that if only they did something, this would all stop. All you really can do is support your libraries and call your local legislators if you're someone who's able to.

The point of this post isn't to make people afraid or mad at the state of the world or anything, it's just to complain, really, about the idea that there is literally already a system in place for people to challenge books and a fair committee of trained people ready to handle that. It's frustrating that people don't understand this is already a skilled trade that people spend time and money developing and creating a career in. And it's one thing when it's just a couple of people on the street telling you that you should just be a librarian with an English degree, but it's another entirely when it's legislation. And that's not even to mention that most of this legislation is also attacking diversity in books. But that's a whole other rant.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk!

[monstersandmaw]

Hey Ghosti! I just wanted to say I'm a part of your patreon, and I absolutely love you and your writing!! I am utterly OBSESSED with ShipMates, I love the dynamic between all of them. How each relationship is different yet equal. Anyways, I'm super glad I found you through Momolady and TheTravelerWrites because you have become one of my all-time favs!! I was just curious: If you could pick one thing you personally would love to write but haven't yet, what would that be?

(Also, as a plus-size bisexual woman, I love the inclusivity and the body representation in your masterlist!!)

I really needed this, so thank you so much! You made my whole night!! Thank you so so much for your support, on here and on Patreon. @momolady and @thetravelerwrites are incredible writers and wonderful human beings, so I'm really touched you found me via their amazing work!! (everyone go check them out too if you haven't already!!).

Thank you for saying that too about my masterlist - I feel like I write the same thing over and over (especially when people ask for more specific readers, when I tend to write gender/body neutral more than most others these days).

I'm not sure there's anything I haven't written yet in terms of general topics, because when I'm not doing commissions, I pretty much just write what I want to write and hope the people supporting me (on here for free and on Patreon) also continue to want to read it!! However, I have a few ideas for novels/stories that I've not had the time or the energy to dedicate to writing.

One (which @mongoose-king knows about and got very excited for when I mentioned it!) is a complete reworking of the first incarnation of the Citadel idea I had over on @weaverofthreads. I decided I wanted to change almost everything in that, except for the idea of magically bonding an elite soldier with a fully-qualified mage...

More on that below for anyone interested: (it's kinda long-winded!!):

Background:

(much of this is the same as the first incarnation of the first novel over on @weaverofthreads but a lot of it has also changed...!)

The Citadel is an ancient 'university'-type institution where mages are trained (going from novice, to apprentice, then journeyman, and full mage. To become a master (gender neutral), they must study further (like a PhD kind of vibe). The Citadel is also where Greycloaks are trained, separately from the mages/scholars. These are elite soldiers, and once a person has gained their Cloak, they can be employed by anyone from the Crown to anyone willing to pay enough to retain their services. It's extremely demanding, and the dropout rate is very high, and the final Proving (test/exam) for becoming a full Greycloak is very tough. Those who gain their Cloak usually find employment as personal bodyguards to the rich and influential among the Great Houses and merchants.

The Citadel has a tradition of bunking first year mages with first year Greycloaks (or 'squires') to foster friendship and respect between the two very different disciplines taking place on site. It's a practice which dates back to the days when there were more mages, and when Bonding was a much more common occurrence. The process of Bonding is the creation of a magical bond between two people, and while extremely intimate, it does not have to be romantic in nature. It's given the same reverence and significance as marriage, but it's not automatically assumed to be romantic. A married mage may also Bond a Greycloak, and vice versa.

The Bond gives the Greycloak heightened senses, enhanced endurance/stamina, and durability to withstand wounds that would kill anyone else, and it gives the mage a much greater pool of magic and strength from which to draw during rites/spellcasting (though this varies depending on the natural 'core' of each person. Every living being has some degree of magical 'reservoir' or 'battery' within them, but only mages are able to access it to create spells/rites, whereas most people cannot). However, the Bond allows you to feel the emotions of the other person as if they were your own, and you can always feel a 'pull' to them, so you could locate them anywhere in the world. It gets fainter with greater distance. It's possible to 'block' it, with a lot of mental effort and practice, but if the Bond is magically severed, both parties die, and if one party is killed, the other dies. Depending on the strength of the Bond, this can be instantly, or within a matter of hours, but it always ends in the death of the other. Because of the intimacy of the Bond's nature, and the permanent lack of privacy in your own head/heart, it's not actually that common a practice anymore.

Characters/Story premise:

Gil is a physically disabled necromancer who grew up in the dockland slums, and whose magic manifested later in his life (at 15) than it does for most mages (usually around 10 yrs old), and as a result of some pretty severe trauma. He was then brought by the mage who attended the scene to the Citadel, even though he was three years younger than the age when most students begin their studies. Mages are pretty rare in the population, so until then, individuals showing magical potential are usually apprenticed 1-1 with a master to cover the basics, and their fundamental/'school level' education is also covered. Mages taking apprentices have the costs covered by the Citadel, and not every mage is in a position to take an apprentice. Gil didn't have any education at all after the age of eight, so he had a lot of catching up to do, but the mage who took him under her wing saw to that, and he's a Bright Boi, so he caught up academically, if not socially. He was given special dispensation by the Archmage to live at the Citadel, so he's already familiar with the place by the time the story starts.

Meanwhile Tomas is the second son of a duke, is very privileged, and has been learning sword-craft and how to run an estate since he was pretty much able to walk. He trained with his mother's Bonded Greycloak, and is an accomplished horse rider too, but he soon discovers that he's still got a lot to learn if he wants to acquire his full Greycloak status like his older brother. However, Tomas is still affable and open-minded despite his background, and is intelligent and particularly interested in history, even if he's not the most academic overall.

The story I want to tell begins with Gil meeting Tomas at the start of Tomas' first term (oh my god they were roommates), and because Gil is socially inept and anxious, he makes a blunder and the two hardly speak for their entire first year. Their schedules are very different, so they basically only overlap to sleep. After their first year, squires are then housed together in the barracks, in a separate part of the Citadel grounds, and so Tomas doesn't interact with Gil at all. Eventually though, they do meet again, and Gil is a bit less awkward, and Tomas a bit braver, and they become friends...

There's a solstice ball, a visit to Tomas' country home, a spirit and a family in need of closure after a traumatic event, and some estranged family drama, and eventual falling head over heels in love.

The reason I haven't written more than a few chapters of it it is basically because I don't have a 'Big Bad' for them to face or a real story arc, other than this spirit that needs addressing. Tomas' mother is a mage who doesn't like necromancy (she has her reasons, but it's mostly just prejudice), so there's a bit of drama there, but with the story's first incarnation in Weaver of Threads, the two main characters were gonna go off on this huge adventure in search of a lost art of magic, but these two don't have that...

Anyway, that was probably WAY more than you were looking for when you asked what I'd write that I haven't already XD. I'm sorry!!

Thank you once again for your support on Patreon, and I'm so happy you found me via two truly excellent writers! Thank you x

[ssahotchnerr]

currently thinking about aaron reconnecting with an old friend he had back in college.

like, maybe they both met each other during their first year of college and they're both focused on the law path, but by senior year when aaron already has law school set up, reader takes a step back and decides she actually doesn't want to practice law. she still decides to finish school since she's so close to getting her degree, but she immediately enlists in the military once she's graduated.

and gosh i can totally imagine aaron and reader trying so, so hard to remain in contact because they got so close during their time in uni, but with aaron's time being taken up by studying and reader rising through the ranks it's get so hard

they're still able to send the occasional text, letter, and even a quick call here and there, but one day reader just stops responding. mail is sent back to aaron, calls are mysteriously dropped, and texts don't go through and he's just like, 'what happened' :(

flash forward years later to where maybe one day aaron is grabbing some coffee before going into work and on his way out he bumps into someone and at first he doesn't think much of it cause hey, it happens, but when the other person mumbles out a quick, "oops sorry about that!" his head just snaps up and he realizes that's it's you

and oh my god

the eye contact

the tension

everything

maybe reader stops him and offers her number yo explain everything (she got recruited into some secret task force and lost contact with practically everyone)

maybe aaron lunges forward and wraps her up into a hig because he missed her so much and he had always thought you were dead

maybe, just maybe, they're able to pick up where they left off and are perhaps able to *ahem* turn to a new page if you get what i mean (i'm cackling rn)

oh my gosh just the heartbreak </333 trying so hard to keep in touch- at first, it's easy. multiple letters every week, maybe the occasional call, and over time it just slowly starts to dwindle :( one letter a week turns into one a month, same happens to phone calls, and then it's just complete radio silence :(

and aaron tries so so hard to hold onto you, telling himself that one of these days, conversations will pick up like normal, things will go back to how they were used to be, and he stays hopeful for months. but once a year finally passes, and he still hasn't heard anything from you, he forces himself to move on :( he has no other choice, because it hurts and he doesn't want to put his heart through that any longer :(

but you often flash into his mind, all your past memories. your nights at school- studying in the library until the early morning hours, laughing over popcorn and a movie in his dorm room, you stealing all his college hoodies and him pretending he hates it when you do so- ugh but seeing you in his clothes smiling all teasingly at him- like HA whatcha going to do about it? :D ugh did things to him that he can't even put into words. that one kiss the two of you happened to share. he misses you more than anything, and you're classified as the one who got away.

and likewise, he's constantly on your mind. his dimpled smile, his laugh, his gorgeous brown eyes haunt you when you try to sleep at night. you would do anything to see him again, do anything to give him an explanation of why you disappeared and it wasn't intentional and you're so so sorry, but part of you fears that now that you're gone, he would want nothing to do with you. you still write him letters, you have a whole collection of them but keep them tucked away. it's all you wish you could talk to him about- what you've been doing, small things that happen during the day or cross your mind, countless ones explaining why you went quiet, your favorite parts about him, and how you've been so in love with him from the very very start that you don't even know what to do with yourself.

so then comes that day in the coffee shop. aaron is waiting patiently for his order to be made, you just got yours and are turning to leave, when you bump into him and he apologizes like he's the one at fault, the sweetest man :( the two of you make eye contact, realization hits, and everything just

stops.

both of you are speechless, and everyone else who was in the coffee shop seemingly disappear (aaron even completely misses his order being called) because the only thing you can do is focus on each other. it's almost like a dream, literally because both of you have dreamt about refinding each other, speaking everything that was unspoken into existence. but now that it's happening, neither of you know what to do.

the both of you move at the same time, throwing your arms around each other and not daring to let go. aaron's previous anger fills his chest up a bit - the anger that one day you were just gone, but he doesn't care in the slightest, because finally you're in his arms again. right where you belong. you're filled with a sadness too, because you know you owe him a reason, and you're a bit taken aback he embraced you to begin with, because he deserves to be mad.

ugh aaron mumbles "i missed you so bad" to which you reply "i can't believe it's you" <3333 before the two of you release each other. silence follows, because first, the two of you are still in shock. second, there's so so much that's unspoken and needs to be addressed. and again, neither of you can believe after so long, you've finally finally finally crossed paths again. and that you're both in love with each other.

aaron says something how he has to get going before he's late :( and you immediately offer your number, insisting that the two of you have to talk, which he wholeheartedly agrees.

hehe that very night the two of you get together for dinner, everything gets addressed, including the fact that both of you are completely and utterly in love with each other, even after all this time. and it's like the two of you were never separated to begin with, that nothing has changed.

the two of you finally get your blissfully happy ending <3

[lucabyte]

ADORE your Siffrin gender essay. I appreciate the focus on using direct lines from the game and providing references. You put into words well from what I saw in the game as well and explained it all really well.

Very sidenote from but hell yeah aroace Ash

*does a sick kickflip and high-fives you*

yeah evidence is swag i love evidence. I don't know how else to put it LMAOO. okay let me try and be coherent

I think as an OC creator first and foremost I interact with canon characters, especially of smaller works like this, with a very "what was the author intending? what did they want to tell me, the audience?" mindset.

I specify as like, as an OC creator because of like... I think its a dual-pronged thing.

I know what it's like to write a guy and try and imbue them with knowledge that i Have but they will never be able to just Say Aloud Via Their Mouths (because some characters will just never say some things), but that there's always evidence for the authorial intent SOMEWHERE if you can just triangulate enough pieces...

I have a big beautiful playground full of guys to project my identity unto whenever i want to (hits a larger than average number of my ocs with the aroace nonbinary beam) and that means both a. I come to (well-written) canon characters with a mindset that, oh thank god, they AREN'T mine. I get to use this to explore someone else's mindset, try and decenter my own experience, practice whatever empathy they are leading me to practice. and b. I've already learned that variety is the spice of Character Creation and i'm on the prowl for new things I haven't already made or seen. And amab NBs are not. Commonly seen. So I latched onto that motherfucker like a crocodile about to death roll him and started scouring for supporting evidence.

So yeah. I come at the text with I think, a slightly different angle than the usual "just playing in the fandom space for fun". which like. i AM having fun. i almost feel bad how much fun i'm having, sorry to my ocs who are collecting dust LOL. But it does mean I'm presumably coming at this from a weird angle to begin with, thus, my want to treat it like a more academic endeavour where I Cite my Sources and point out where I'm getting my ideas from.

I also like. haven't interacted with fandom at large for. a number of years. so my barometer on how much I have to explain myself is WACKY. this is what you get from only hanging out with lit and classic students who can't make a gay catboy without psychoanalysing them to the Nth degree. But again I'm having fun so we stay silly.

And i am SO glad that i wasnt the only person drawing these conclusions. Glad to see people immediately going "oh yeah i thought this!!" because like. i dont read other peoples meta. i had NO idea if this was just gonna like. go down like a lead balloon because I'd stepped on everyone's collective toes instead. Glad it does not seem to have in these first couple hours at least

also yeah sidenote god ash ketchum is so aroace. He's only got time for one partner and that's his pokemon partner motherfucker. No time for romance he's on that Seeing The Wonders Of The World Grindset. that complete blank nonreaction to being kissed by serena never fails to make me lose my shit thinking about it. sorry girl you have bet on the wrrrooooong ponyta

[alpaca-clouds]

How to get DnD to make money

As you might have noticed through the ramblings on how Hasbro is not really making money from DnD, how the DnD Lore is not accessible, and also lacks modern stories, I am thinking a lot on how Hasbro is mismanaging the franchise. And make no mistake: No, DnD is right now not really making money. In the earning reports for Hasbro DnD is listed under "other franchises", because it makes so little money, that it does not even earn its own little listing with a detailed breakdown. In fact, I would not be surprised if in 2023 Hasbro made more DnD-related money through the bit they got from the license on BG3, than they got from everything else.

So, yeah. No. DnD isn't really making money. Which is ironic. Because it is by far the most recognisable TTRPG franchise, the TTRPG with the most players, and close to something like mainstream in recent years. At least among younger folks: When I ask them on the street, a lot of them will at least be able to name me some playable races and classes. Even if they never have played before. Just because it is just everywhere in pop culture.

And the thing is: I have a master's degree in economics. I do know a bit about economics and about marketing and to be honest... I have no fucking clue what Hasbro and WotC are doing there.

I get, that they are planning on getting most money through DnD Beyond, which I do not think is that bad of an idea, given that yes, digital media usually makes more money than physical media. (Due to you not having to pay for printing and what not.) But DnD has one giant problem: It is a great platform. I love the character creation thing in there. But... also for everything else Roll20 is better. Because everything that DnD Beyond offers for money, Roll20 offers for free.

So, let me get out my economics hat and go a bit about what WotC could do to make DnD Beyond more viable - and to just make a bit more money with the franchise.

Please keep in mind: I am doing this from my economics point of view. There are going to be some things in there, that I would personally hate (like Rainbow Capitalism). But economically speaking... I think that they could make more money for WotC. And that without the kind of totally shady business practices they are using right now.

Why am I writing this on tumblr? Well, because I do not know where else to share those thougths.

The Issues with DnD Beyond

Alright. I think there are three major problems with DnD Beyond right now:

It puts certain things behind paywalls that Roll20 offers me for free.

It has no fucking information on the world and reasons to engage with it.

All things considered, the amount of stuff you can actually buy is very little - and most of it is fairly expensive.

First things first: I actually think that the subscripe prices are absolutely fair. It is not really that expensive and having played in campaigns with a DM who had the subscription, I would absolutely say: Those $3-6 are kinda fair, because what there is, is actually nice and nice looking.

However... Roll 20 offers most of the same functions (like the ability to use maps and stuff) for free. And there is just nothing WotC can do about this. Hence... They kinda need to up their game. Yeah, sure, their platform looks and plays better, but... a lot of people won't care.

Bonus is that all this information on items, monsters and what not that Roll 20 has for free, DnD Beyond wants your money for. And that is just... Look, I don't get why. That information is just out there. I am not going to pay for it.

On the lack of lore I already wrote a whole own essay, so I will spare you here.

And then there is the fact that... Actually even for the content you can pay for, there is a suprisingly small amount of stuff with little variety. Which is not good if you want to get it to make money.

So, let me go over DnD Beyond - and how you can make money with it.

DnD Beyond - The Content that should be Free

Let me start with the stuff that whoever makes the decisions at WotC/Hasbro will not like to hear: The stuff that should mostly be free.

Here I will say it once again: DnD Beyond needs a free wiki!

Gives players some basic information on the world. That is information on:

The physical world (that is landscapes, cities, different realms/planes)

How the magic world

A timeline with the major events

Important characters in the world

The gods and their worship

And what you would want to do is then on each of the pages put a "If you are interested in this, you might wanna buy X" and sell them adventures, one shots, shortstories and the like (more on this a bit further down). Get people hooked on events, cities, locations, NPCs and then offer them stuff on that. For the love of god, do not just expect players to do their own legwork to decide on what module they might wanna buy.

Additionally to this, I would take a page out of how the German publisher for Shadowrun does their marketing there: Have a monthly in-universe "newsletter" styled as a part of an in-universe newspaper to just introduce some in-universe events, which at times could also be used as a jumping off point for one shots and the like. (Look folks, there is a reason why the German publisher for Shadowrun is beloved even in the English fandom. How much they give on worldbuilding is part of it.)

And as much as whatever directors responsible will hate this: Yeah, fuck, make all the species and classes accessible for everyone. (With one caviat - but I will go into that later as well.) Because what you want is players to use DnD Beyond over Roll20.

This also means: Items and monster stats should be accessible over DnD Beyond without buying three different books. Because they are accessible on Roll20 and even outside of that... Look, it is not that hard to find. And given that it is fairly clear that they want DnD Beyond to be the main source of income in terms of DnD, they need to get people hooked on DnD Beyond over Roll20.

The Stuff that should come with Subscriptions

Alright, so let's talk about what I would put into the subscription model. I will not go what I would put under each tear. Because honestly, I have no clue.

For once, yes, I have complicated feelings on the map tool. Because the DnD Beyond tool is a lot better than the tool that Roll20 offers and as they are still working on it, I have no doubt that it will get even better in the future. So, yeah, it is... complicated. I get why it is behind the subscription, I do. But I am not entirely certain whether it is the right decision - for a reason I will get to shortly.

So, what I would put behind the Subscription - even though I would also offer everything of this in a short for one-time payment. Monthly content. (And yes, I am using the content word here, forgive me Patrick H. Williams.) That could be:

Little One-Shot adventures

Short stories and short comics

Maps

Like, technically they already have those "monthly perks", but... You know, right now it is mostly pretty pictures and other aesthetic. Give the people just a bit more stuff that would actually get them to play a more and interact with the world more.

Bonus points is, that in short stories, one shots and concepts you can easily test out ideas. (Like, heck, make a lot of more different genres within the setting. You can tell a crime mystery, a slice of life story, all sorts of stuff.)

Right now they are publishing some free one shots from time to time. Just do a bit more with that. It is a roleplaying game. Give people more reasons to interact with the world.

Because again, here is the thing: The world is the stuff you can actually sell. The simple game mechanics are not. For once game mechanics cannot be licensed, but also... Again, I know were to find it all for free!

In this I would also put something that is a bit more controversial: Use this to digitally distribute some of the older stuff from older editions. I know that Hasbro is like 100% against it. But here is the thing: They keep saying: "Oh yeah, not all of that is canon anymore." But they also do not bother to give us an idea what is canon and what not. So, great moment to clear this up, don't you think?

And given that I doubt that 20 years old books are the big sellers, they could just easily give away the e-books in the subscription as a little bonus.

How to actually fill up the Marketplace - Original Stuff

Alright, let's face another thing: All the lore books and adventures together in the DnD Beyond Marketplace together add up to a total worth of about $1200. Which, sure, if you are a fan wanting to buy it all, is a lot. But from a company perspective actually is not that much. Because here is the thing: Actually the production of those books is fairly expensive. Even if you only market them digitally.

Like, I do think that they would do better and go with the prices that Catalyst does with Shadowrun of $20-25, rather than the $29, but knowing how much financial overhead is there for those books, I can understand where the price comes from. Again, I am talking from an economic decision.

So, I say... Fill it up.

For example: Right now there is one set of maps sold in the market place. Which is a 20 maps strong collection. But it is literally the only maps-thing sold in that section of the market place. And maps are the one thing that literally every group will use in some place.

Which brings me back to why I think the use of the Map Tool should be free: Because then you can actually sell more maps. Sell single maps. Sell small collections of maps. Go with a low price of $1-2 per map, maybe $4-5 for the bigger or fancier maps. $10 for a collection of five maps.

Bonus: You can use those maps to also throw in fun little lore things.

And just... you know. Make a map for a temple each of each of the gods. Make some premade dungeon maps. Maps of certain canonical locations. City maps. You name it. Compared to other sorts of illustrations, maps can actually be fairly cheap.

Additionally: Just throw in little dungeon crawls as one shots. Depending on the amount of content in there, put in $3-8 per one dungeon crawl. Theme it nicely.

I love DMing DnD. I do. But I am frank with you: I hate designing dungeons. So, if I could buy a premade dungeon for $4, I would go: "Shut up and take my money!" Heck, I would probably also use it as a writing ressource and all of that.

In generally you can also sell some one shots here. Like, a one shot or two shot is actually not that expensive to produce. Which is why so many are given away for free. Sell them for again $3-8 depending on how much content there is.

Which brings me to short stories and comics.

I know what some might say: "But didn't that already kinda fail with League of Legends, like you spoke about last week?" Which, yeah. It did. But... I am also going to assume that in general the playerbase of DnD is way more interested in the lore, than the LoL crowd is interested in their respective lore. Because one game is all about storytelling, while the other is all about the gameplay.

And again: Short stories and one shot comics could be a good way to get people hooked onto the lore, which again might get them to invest into stuff like the adventures set in the world. And you can use them to try out ideas for what ends up to be fairly little in comparison to bigger stuff. Also, you can get more diverse writers and artist to do stuff for you, which looks good and might actually interest the wide diverse audience of your game.

How to actually fill up the Marketplace - Licensed stuff

Okay, let me talk about the no-brainer where by the love of all the gods I cannot figure out why the fuck WotC is not doing this. It is boggling my mind. I do not understand.

You remember the fucking drama with the OGL last year and how it bit them in the fucking ass? Yeah. Here is the thing, they did it the entire wrong way around. And honestly, I am not even sure whether now they can pull the intelligent version of this off, even though it is so fucking obvious. I mean, again. I do not understand. It is so stupid. If you know anything about the fucking internet.

Allow big content creators to sell supplementary material over your webshop and then take a cut from that. They do some of that with Critical Role, where they do sell some adventures from that franchise in their webshop. And from one other group too, I think.

But like... There are so many Actual Play groups and even other content creators (the entire Fool's Gold Campaign comes to mind with their millions of views on Youtube), that even have like their own self-produced lore books, adventures, one shots and other content.

And then there are of course just people who create additional rules, that currently can partly be shared over the homebrew system on DnD Beyond - but not be monetized, which sucks for the creators and for DnD Beyond.

I... I just do not get it. Rather than going: "Oh, you used DnD for this, now we change the OGL, so you'll have to give us money!", which went over as well as expected, they could have gone: "Hey, content creators. Great opportunity! You created additional moduls/adventures for DnD? Now you can officially sell it in our webshop at the page we want everyone to use! Of course we are gonna use a small cut for the hosting, marketing and moderation. But in return, you have access to a much wider audience!"

Like, it is so simple it is plain stupid that they didn't do that. I cannot fathom why they have never done this. I just cannot. I am sorry.

It would allow them to get a cut of the stuff they kinda want a cut from - while doing it in a way that is a lot more pro-community building.

And that is without mentioning that the entire OGL disaster has now several big Actual Play groups go and play with different systems. I heard that people are blaming Matt Mercer for it and like... No, this is entirely WotC's fault.

Speaking of Actual Plays

Okay, this leads me to the thingie where I also do not understand why they do not do it. Because they could license the living hell out of this. Do a fucking official Actual Play. Not on DnD Beyond, of course. Just... Somewhere. I do not really care where. Youtube, I guess.

While they host some one shots on their official twitch, so far they did not a big campaign thing officially as far as I am aware. And the concept is fairly simple: Follow the Critical Role formular. Get some voice actors on there. Bonus if you get a more diverse group than they have on Critical Role, that I also call "Critical Whiteness". (Note please: I do not actually like Critical Role for that reason among others. It is way too white for my taste. However, I cannot argue with success.)

And most importantly: Set that campaign in the official world, and do create and understanding with the DM that there is actually some meta-story progression with the lore. Again: The world is what they can license, so LICENSE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT!!!

With that you would also have some more characters that can work as access points into the world and the lore. You also can sell those campaigns, you can sell short stories and books, you can sell merchandise for this. Because as soon as that is the official group, yeah... You are the producers, you can get to make the money of it.

This is also something that falls under: "Why the hell are they not doing this?"

I mean, again, I am not the biggest fan of Critical Role, but technically WotC could also go: "Hey, do you wanna cooperate on the next campaign?" And jump off from that.

Or have the voice actors from BG3 cameo as their characters from that game. Folks would EAT THAT UP.

Some other assorted things

One, or two more things that I actually think they could do a bit more with... well, events and community stuff. And by using social media better, because... Look, the way WotC is kinda marketing the stuff is so 2000s in many regards. Like, use new media. Heck, use fucking TikTok. Which also might I note: They so desperately want to reach Gen Alpha. And I am honest with you, I have no fucking idea how to reach Gen Alpha. I don't. But a gut feelings tells me that TikTok might be a start.

See, I am following other franchises as well, and one thing that some do well is just got throw out some event related stuff. Make some pride month stuff. Sure, I hate Rainbow Capitalism, but sadly it works. And again, I am writing this under the idea of: "How to turn DnD Profitable."

Bring out some stuff to some other events. Like a Christmas thingie or something along those lines. Again, be it short stories, be it one shots, be it an Actual Play one shot on the Actual Play podcast THEY DESPERATELY SHOULD DO.

Also... They cannot learn the wrong lessons from BG3. Just because this one game they licensed out was lightning in a bottle, they cannot go and be: "Let's just rely on CRPGs to make us money." Because that can backfire really quickly.

[alaydabug2]

@sparklenarniawizard

Broken heart/Broken mind

Chapter Fifteen

(Human AU)

Sophie and Keefe met in the children's hospital when they were little. Because of how long they were confined to the four walls of the hospital, they became very close during their stay.

As the years pass, they wind up being in the same classroom together due to their physical conditions. This makes their bond deepen.

But are they able to handle when life gets tough, throwing problems and complications their way?

Sophie was sitting in the car on the way to the school. She was being dropped off at Keefe's first baseball game.

She said goodbye to her parents and made her way to the field. When she got there, she saw Keefe with the rest of the baseball team. He was standing with Biana's brother.

Fitz pounded on his helmet, then pointed to the plate. Keefe nodded and ran to be on deck.

Sophie stopped by the concession stand to buy some cheese fries and a Dr. Pepper. She picked the set of bleachers under the shade. It was close to ninety-five degrees out. She didn't understand how any of the players were able to handle it. She was already sweating.

As she waited for the game to start, a car swerved into a parking spot. A car that she recognized.

"Ro!" Sophie exclaimed. She waved her over.

Ro hurried over and sat next to her in the stands. "Hey, blondie. I would've been sooner, but work wouldn't let me out early. The game hasn't started yet, right?"

"Nope." She pointed to the field. "Just getting started."

She sighed in relief. "Good. I promised I'd be here. He was so excited to be able to be in the starting lineup. Where is he?"

Sophie grinned. "On deck right now."

She followed Ro's gaze to where Keefe was standing outside the dugout. He was practicing his swing, following the path of the balls the pitcher was practicing throwing.

The game started. Fitz was the first to bat. He hit the ball and made it to second. The crowd went wild. Then it was Keefe's turn. Sophie and Ro cheered as loud as they could.

Sophie knew that he was able to hit well, but she wasn't aware that he could hit it to the outfield! The center fielder missed the ball. That was what let Fitz make it to home base. Keefe followed after him, albeit much slower. Thankfully, how hard he hit it made up for the lost time.

"Holy crap!" Ro yelled. "Did you know he could do that?"

"No, I swear."

She saw him make it to the dug out with the widest smile on his face. The entire team was pounding on his helmet and clapping his back as he made it in. (A/n I do softball, and this is basically what happens when anyone hits a ball or makes a base. It's fun. 😂) Sophie peered over to the other team. They looked scared. As they should be.

When the game was over, she rushed over to him and threw her arms around his neck.  He was dirty from having to slide into third base during the fourth inning. They had won sixteen to ten.

"You did so good!" she told him.

"Thanks!" He looked a little red when he asked, "Do you want to come to the after game dinner?"

"Yeah, I'd love to. Lemme text my parents."

She quickly asked her mom if she could go with Keefe to the Mexican restaurant. She said that it was fine.

Ro kept giving Keefe a look. Sophie looked between the two, trying to figure out why. Ro turned to her. A suspicious grin spread across her her face. Ro opened her mouth to speak, but Keefe cut her off.

"Shouldn’t we get going?" he said hastily.

Ro rolled her eyes.

At the restaurant, her and Keefe sat with Biana and Fitz and the end of the table. She got a notification on her phone just as the food was coming out.

She checked it and found out if was Keefe posting on his snap story. At first it was just from the game. Then she saw herself in there. And Fitz. And Biana. They looked like they were being taken from underneath the table.

She nudged Keefe with her elbow. She raised an eyebrow at him when she showed him the pictures. He gave a guilty smile. She just laughed and playfully bumped her shoulder with his.

[thegodthief]

A year or two ago, I asked a very specific set of ancestors if they wanted anything specific for me to do that was within my ability to do. I had a flash vision of children greeting their elders in a formal way. They all said a particular set of syllables that made no sense to me whatsoever but the children were trying so hard and the elders were so forgiving about the flubs and blunders.

Yes, I acknowledged, I am like a child learning something new, but what was it that they wanted me to do? Another flash vision of seated elders, but now it was young adults who were addressing them, and it was the same set of syllables that the children were learning but now it was spoken more deliberately.

When the flash ended, I thought about what the two visions carried in common. Someone subordinate greeting someone superior, and using very specific words to do so.

But the sounds, while easy to mimic, made no sense to me. So I did a search for the phonetics of what I heard and the entire first page of search results was a very specific phrase that matched what I had heard syllable for syllable and even accounted for the different stressing between the children and the adults.

I wrote that down, practiced it, and at the next opportunity, used the phrase to their approval. Oh yea, that was a piece long missing that just slipped into place.

Unfortunately, because of how I found that information, I realized I didn't have enough education of the matter to pursue the source of the phrase any further. Too much plastic in this water and all the reliable headways were locked behind doors I would not be able to find, much less pass through. Okay, I already knew that I was way on the outskirts with this matter and accepted what I have.

And then, in a recent podcast, one of the commentators mentions a thing almost as a by-and-by, and in doing so explains exactly what I have been saying to my ancestors at least twice a day for the past two years. And explains where it's from.

Hold on. I gotta sit down. This means what? But then that means this. Hang on. I only have five pieces of an eight-thousand piece puzzle, what do you mean I have a corner in place?

I can't pursue that as if I just got my first adult tooth and now I need a steak to chew on. If I knock on that door, the price of entry will be a dedication that I will not be able to uphold much less attain. The outer requirements are pretty well known and the cost for just a glass of water is greater than I can give.

You come to me now, when I am like this?

The words I received from my ancestors is confirmation that I will not be able to dedicate myself to that matter as if I had been raised in that culture since birth. I haven't even been raised adjacent to it, and didn't know it was a thing until a decade ago. They don't want to see me captive to a process that would not be beneficial to me.

They want me to know about it.

They want me to know about it in the way that you don't need a medical degree to put a bandage on a scrape, but you know enough to know when to send the person to the clinic.

They want me to know about it in the way whipped cream and half-n-half can both be put in coffee but for different purposes.

They want me to know about it in the way that I won't be able to say that I am part of the thing, but that I will know enough of it to take care of myself.

This is not something that I will eventually be known for, they say. But having a secure foundation of knowledge in this thing will support me so I can do the things that I will be known for, they say. And that is more important, they say.

Okay. Let's see how this goes then. I have no idea where to start, other than sorting out first where to find a source of filtered water. All else will follow as it does.