#but Astarion actually kinda looks like he’s looking at Halsin

[transkingcobra]

Something something Halsin slowly backing you into a corner

[swordmaid]

finally done with this after REDOING IT .. like a fool. anyway. hag dip!!!!!!!

[trevisos]

sorry i have vampire the masquerade brain worms u can ignore this.

astarion is Obviously ventrue and as someone who grew up in a banite church i feel like xarrai should Also be ventrue but i feel like it would be insane to make them anything but toreador. but then i thought. maybe they are both ventrue trying to come off as toreador. absolutely the funniest shit on earth to imagine two different ventrue trying very hard to make everyone think they’re toreadors for two different reasons. LOL yep definitely here in the pursuit of beauty don’t mind me… :)

[alpaca-clouds]

Why I love Halsin

I really gotta talk about this right now. Because I kinda... Well... If you look at my fics, you might be forgiven to think that Astarion is my favorite companion in BG3. You might even think that, if you looked at my game data, given that I have him on my team most of the time.

And sure enough, Astarion is a lot of things for me. I do enjoy writing him, because he is just all the drama. And I do like his party banter, when you have him along.

However... My favorite companion is actually Halsin, even though I rarely have him on my active team (mostly because I cannot find a good gameplay dynamic with him - at least without shifting classes).

But as a character? In the way he is written? In the way he is shown? Fuck, I love him.

I think part of the reason is that he is a lot more centered in himself, than the Origin 6 companions are. Which is fair, given that he is a lot older than any of them - both if you adjust the ages and without it. (Sure, Astarion is not quite that far away, but he is also thanks his trauma and him being turned still fairly young.)

Within the game it is just nice to have someonw you can go to who will just listen to you. And that is what Halsin feels like to me, whenever I play it.

Especially as for the most part he does not have to be there. Like, sure, you help him get Thaniel back and all that, but other than everyone else he has absolutely no reason to come with you to Baldur's Gate. Especially given that he does not like the city a whole lot. He still will come with you, and he will fight at your side. And I love him for that.

And yeah. I was a bit hesitant to write about him so far. Mostly because he has so much backstory due to his age, and we do know so little about it. And I... I am always a bit hesitant to fill out too many gaps - and there are a lot of gaps.

But with all the challenges going on right now, I was at some point like: "Fuck it." And I started writing a bit more about him.

And I do want to write a bit more about him. Will probably do that with a lot of other challenges. And maybe will blog some more about Halsin Headcanons. We will see.

But yeah... Darn it. Most of all I just want a man like this to hug me, until my back cracks. Darn it.

[parvulous-writings]

Oooh, I have a request idea!! How about Gale, Halsin, Astarion and Wyll or Karlach (if that's not too many ;-;) with a modern S/O from our world that makes them try a bunch of food from this dimension. I'd love to see their reaction to trying Soda or other Carbonated Beverages, and naturally seeing everyone's reaction to canned food - especially the kind that stays in the exact shape of the can even after you dump it into a bowl 🤣

Just imagine giving them this bad boy and being like "Bon appetit!" :D

I like to think they'd be horrified 🥰 Thank you so much !!

Summary: I do love me a little whimsical AU, I can't lie - so this MAY go into the realms of silly, but you know what? It's going to be fun! It also may be a bit all over the place... but you know what I think it fits XD The scenario is kinda the same for all of them - I hope that's okay!

Warnings: Some are a bit shorter/longer than others! Other than that... I don't think there's anything!

Notes:  My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!  Original character list - please request for these too!

Gale

Out of everyone, Gale would probably be the most at-ease with you coming from another realm - he finds it absolutely fascinating.

He's asking questions all the time - is there magic in your universe? No?? What do you do, then??

You tell him about technology, and he is hooked. You start talking about electricity and immediately he's taking notes (mental or physical).

"I think I might actually have something you can try, Gale" you pull out of your pack a can of Coke (that somehow had survived the trip), and a tin of cranberry sauce that you had hoped to take home, before being whisked away to the land of Faerun. You offer him the can, and he just stares at it for a moment, observing it.

"And... what is this, exactly?" "It's a drink." "I fail to see how-" click "... Ah"

Isn't sure how the bubbles feel on his tongue - he almost spits out the drink the first mouthful he has. Doesn't mind the taste itself though - he would probably drink it flat, if he had the choice to.

"It's... Nice..." He seems mildly uncertain of this statement. "Though, I think I will stick to wine, and water..."

You telling him you can preserve food in metal near indefinitely? Pure 'teach me' moment. He will want to know EVERY secret on that front.

The tin of sauce confuses him. You tell him that it's sauce and he's eager to taste it - he's always on the look out for new flavours, as the self-declared cook in camp. Fish and potatoes can only keep you going for so long, until your tongue starts craving a new flavour.

When you present the unchanging... thing to him, he has no idea what to make of it. "That's... Not sauce. In fact, I don't even think that's edible - that looks like a health hazard."

He straight up refuses to use it that night, like he will not go near it, nor will he let it near the food.

Halsin

Halsin doesn't really talk about you being from another realm all that much - it doesn't overly concern him, now that you've got his trust.

He likes hearing stories of your life -even though you have to explain 90% of what you talk about to him, he's always eagerly listening to whatever you have to say.

Will not touch anything in a can - drink or otherwise.

"I... Do not feel right in trying this... my apologies."

You will not be able to convince him, whatever you try and do, he just... Doesn't want to listen to anything about that. If you keep trying to push him on the subject, he'll probably end up just walking away.

Though he's aware that preserving foods is probably a good idea for the long run, but after having heard the fizz from the can of coke? That's... A no go, for the time being.

Astarion

Astarion couldn't care less where you came from - so long as you're not going to stab him in the back, he's fine with you. You could be a crawling claw for all he cares - so long as you don't hurt him he really does not care.

Astarion doesn't typically eat anything other than his usual sanguine meals now that his affliction is out in the camp. This doesn't stop him from making snide comments on the food, though. And he makes especially snide comments when it comes to drinks - which he still partakes in quite happily.

"What do you mean... Fizzy?" His lips draw up slightly in a half-sneer, not being particularly drawn to the idea of... Whatever it was you were offering him. Though, he supposed, because it was you... He'd give it a go.

He manages to keep the beverage in his mouth after a sip, but the face he makes is beyond a grimace - clearly, he was not expecting that many bubbles.

Now when it came to the tinned sauce - or any tinned food for that matter... He'll simply laugh. "Now, I know we're short on supplies, darling, but... I don't think you'll get anyone to eat that." "Let me put it this way... If something like that was for my meal, I'd be running for the hills! ... And probably washing my mouth out with soap..."

"I am so glad I do not have to pretend I'm eating with you... Because that-" He points emphatically to the can-shaped food. "Would not, and will not, be going anywhere near my lips!"

Wyll

Wyll is curious about the realm you come from, but doesn't normally pry. He figures that, if you're going to reveal anything about your home land, you'll do it in your own time, when you're comfortable. If you start talking about your home and your life, Wyll will do the same, to show that he's not taking the conversation for granted.

Wyll actually LIKES carbonated beverages. He savours the feel on his tongue - it's like nothing else he's ever had before, and he's instantly wanting more. If you ever do figure out the realm-hopping thing, you'll have to bring him some more - possibly some different brands or flavours for him to try.

"So... These beverages... They can... Taste of flowers, and other delightful things?" Wyll hums pleasantly at this thought. "Well, I know we have... Similar things, here in Faerun, but I am most intrigued on your realms' flavours... As pleasant as it all can be, you can only handle so much of the same..."

Though canned food doesn't.... Really seem appealing to him, he'll still give it a good try! He's down to try any food at least once.

He's not keen on the appearance of the cranberry sauce, but he has some with some turkey you've roasted, and he's in love with the taste. Sure, the appearance could use some work, but beggars can't always be choosers - at least it tasted delicious!

Absolutely LOVES tinned vegetables. He's not sure why - he knows they've got a very different taste and texture to their fresher counterpart, but... There's just something about them that he can't get enough of. Tinned carrots especially.

If you give him the chance - and Gale for once isn't trying to make dinner - Wyll will try and find a way to include tinned foods. He will get everyone to like them, he's certain of it.

Karlach

Karlach LOVES hearing anything and everything about your home realm - from the mundane to the even mundane-r. You have a special tub to bathe in, not made from wood? And it has running water, like a river, that you can control?? That's one of the coolest things Karlach has heard of - and she longs for a way to try and bring that kind of plumbing to Faerun.

Karlach isn't fussed on the Coke can you offer her - she'll drink it, for sure, but if there's the option of another drink, then she'll probably opt for that first. Purely for the reason that it's a relatively new sensation compared to the other kinds of fizzy found in drinks across Faerun.

Like, fermentation has a kick, but in comparison, carbonation is a roar, that Karlach needs a little adjusting to - she has the best reaction out of the lot of them, I think.

"Whoo- that's... Hah, that's something, soldier... And how often do you drink this? Once a day? ... Several? Several cans of this a day?" She laughs quietly, shaking her head. "You're braver than me at some things, soldier."

However, when it comes to tinned food... She loves it. She's not even sure why - perhaps it's just the fact that she loves food. You show her the sauce first, and she doesn't even bat an eye at the fact that the sauce had retained the shape of the can. She sniffs at it, before just picking it up and taking a bite.

"A little sharp... But not bad!" Another bite. "You're meant to eat that with meat, Karlach," "Huh? .... Ah, well - still tastes good like this!"

She's not as fond of tinned veggies, but she'll still eat them. Normally dinner will now start with. "Aw, what? Don't we have anymore of that red stuff?"

[pendragon1400]

Since I am super sick with 101.4 fever I want to write about how each BG3 companion reacts to being sick!

Astarion: Constant complaints/whining. He is totally convinced that he will die of his illness and makes it everyone else's problem. Lays against the pillows on his bed like a tragic victorian heroine who won't last the night. If you ever read Howl's Moving Castle, it's that just somehow more melodramatic. Will calm down if romanced Tav snuggles him.

Gale: Doesn't want you to put up too much of a fuss. "I don't want to be a bother, but could I get some fever reducer please? The room is actively moving." Aware that he is sick, but that it's nothing serious and just needs rest, some medicine and fluids.

Karlach: Lays prone in her bed to the point that you have to come close to her to see if she is actually alive. Which makes you fall into the trap that sick Karlach grabs anything or anyone near her and holds it like a teddy bear and doesn't let go. This also gets you sick as well.

Wyll: Less dramatic than Astarion, but defiantly pitiful. Looks miserable, sounds miserable and just wants to wrap up in something soft and forget the world exists until his head stops aching.

Shadowheart: Hates being sick like REALLY HATES being sick. Gets really cranky, like you have to let her know BEFORE touching her cup that you are getting her more tea, or you will be stabbed.

Lae'zel: What illness? Unless she is half dizzy with fever she will deny it. Fever's make her kinda silly and goofy tho.

Jaheria: Denies she is sick until you find her passed out with her head on her desk, and you have to have Karlach help you get her to bed.

Minsc: Somehow doesn't get sick a lot. When he does, he goes straight to Jaheria for help.

Halsin: Less control over wild shape, feels guilty whenever you take care of him. Tries to tell you he's fine between coughing fits.

Minthara: Thinks she was poisoned at first, then starts plotting revenge on who got her sick in the first place.

[chaoticbardlady99]

Colored Seams (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: Cazador is dead and the Spawn were released to the Underdark. You and Astarion could not be happier in the days that follow in spite of the looming Netherbrain Threat. You decide to do both of your laundry when a tragedy occurs- you accidentally destroyed his blanket.

CW: Dead Dove, Panic attack symptoms, fluffy, suggestive content, no specific pronouns mentioned or character traits

Author Note: Nobody’s Fool and Floozy are going to be updated tomorrow :)

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated- thank you so much for reading 💜 pic is mine

Cazador is dead- well he’s been dead for a solid week now, but, with the nature of this adventure, that even feels like months ago.

Astarion sent the spawn to the Underdark, he remarked his grave, and his spirit seems lighter. He has a lot more pep in his step, jokes more easily, and he has been very, very into PDA. Lae’zel has even gone out of her way to remark on how affectionate he has been with you in public.

Astarion’s confidence in himself is still a work in progress, but it makes your heart sing to know that he is slowly beginning to heal and you promised, in spite of the lack of sun your future holds, that you will be by his side to support him every step of the way.

He’s been exceptionally physically affectionate- you are still sore from the last several days of him ‘indulging’ in his newfound freedom. The sheets are a mess, your clothes are a mess, his clothes are a mess, and you are not about to let either one of you go out in obviously sex stained clothing.

You had decided to wash yours and Astarion’s things while he begrudgingly helped Gale retrieve old tomes from Sorcerer Sundries- Rolan’s recent instatement has allowed for Gale to read just about every tomb in the massive magic shop.

Ever since everyone found out Astarion could use spider climb, they have been asking him for his help in various tasks- he charges everyone (minus you, of course).

Gale had actually dragged Astarion along because he is technically looking for a book on your behalf for Astarion. He doesn’t know, but you and Gale have already begun the search for a Ring of Sunwalking.

Astarion loves the sun so much and you want to be able to give it to him- you all do. You could not be more proud of him and you find you enjoy acts of services and gift giving when it comes to him. He has had so little for so long and no one was taking care of him or making him feel special. You are very thankful that you get to be the one who provides him with these experiences.

For now, you don’t have a gift so you are going to surprise him with clean clothes!

He usually does the laundry because you hate doing it (something he learned and just kinda picked up on). You told him he didn’t need to and you feel bad for being a nuisance, but he would just roll his eyes, kiss you, and saunter off in the direction of the wash tub or wait until you are asleep so you can’t fret about it.

Astarion is actually quite adorable in his laundry routine- he even has a bag specifically for laundry soaps and scents. The man is right- he really did miss his calling as a perfumer.

You started with both your clothes. You used herbs for scent, soap for cleanliness, and Halsin helped to dry them with Wind. You then moved onto your bed sheets.

However, you realize you made a horrific mistake after it’s far, far too late.

Astarion’s comfort blanket, his first and only item while under Cazador, was torn apart. It had gotten twisted inside the sheets and it already hadn’t been strong enough to begin with. You didn’t even know you threw it in with the rest! You would never do that on purpose! You know it has to be washed gently and carefully.

“Tav?”

You are crying, entirely unaware of the fact that Halsin is widely concerned as you stare in horror at the murder scene before you.

“I destroyed his blanket!” Your voice is strained and your eyes must look as crazy as you feel because Halsin is looking very concerned for you.

“I am sure he will under-“

You are hyperventilating- there is no rhyme or reason and it doesn’t seem to matter what Halsin says- your mind is spiraling a mile a minute into oblivion.

He is going to dump you- Gods he may even leave and that thought terrifies you more than anything else.

You feel your lungs collapse in your chest and you can’t breathe.

You just wanted to do something nice for him.

You rush back to your bed after a brief pit stop at your shared room (you were forced, Gale was tired of waking up to you and Astarion being ‘adults’)- and you have pulled out every piece of yarn you can find. The majority of the blanket is intact, but there are chunks that have been unraveled.

The yarn is a faded gray color and all you have is your favorite color of yarn and a passionate hatred for mending things. It’s thankfully the same consistency and thickness, but Withers only knows how much time and patience you have.

Back to the room you go.

It takes you a few moments to study the pattern, but you immediately begin your work. Your fingers are pricked and sore, unsteady and clumsy. You have never been the best sewer, knitter, etc. so you can only hope that it can make up for even the smallest bit of destruction.

You finish right as you hear his voice ring through the main room- he is heckling Gale about something and you feel like you may very well vomit.

You had moved your things to the corner, just in case, but you still aren’t prepared to face him. Your tears begin to fall again.

You destroyed his blanket.

You are shaking and there is a lump forming in your throat as you try to stop your tears, ready to face probably one of the worst moments on this journey thus far.

He walks into your shared room- all smiles, but his mood quickly changes when he notices all of your things are packed away and your cheeks are tear stained. He looks sick with worry and now you feel even worse.

“My love?” Astarion’s frantic voice makes your stomach turn, “my love- what did I do wrong? What is it? How can I fix this?”

He is already at your side- Astarion’s eyes are filled with unshed tears and he is going to reach for you, but you just hold out the blanket between you.

The silence in the room is deafening and when he takes it- you clasp your shaking hands together and stare at your feet.

Astarion certainly must hate you- there is no way he can forgive you for this.

“I-I was just trying to do our laundry,” you whisper, “and I didn’t realize your blanket was rolled up inside our sheets and it… it fell apart.

“I tried to fix it the best I could, but I- I already know this is unforgivable and I am so unbelievably sorry, Astarion, and I know we are definitely over after this, but please don’t leave. I don’t want you to get hurt or turned into a mindflayer and if it’s that painful, I will just leave and-“

You and your rambling mouth are engulfed in a massive hug that stuns you to your core and you feel cool lips press a gentle kiss to your temple.

You fall apart- all the fear and anxiety from the last few hours has finally hit you. You are struggling to contain yourself and self-regulation isn’t happening. Every abandonment wound you have ever had has been ripped open and left to bleed everywhere inside the room.

“I’m so sorry,” you are still a mess, “I am so so sorry, Astarion.”

“My Dear,” he pulls back, tilting your chin so you are looking at him, “it is okay. I forgive you.”

You blink a few times with your lower lip still trembling. Astarion’s smile is sad as he wipes away your tears and kisses the space around the corners of your mouth before placing one on the tip of your nose. He smiles brightly when your lips finally curve upward a bit.

“At the beginning of this journey, I think I would have been exceptionally mad,” he admits, “but, now? Well, my Love,” he smiles at the blanket in his hand, “I was considering getting rid of it- it’s a reminder of my past in a lot of ways I don’t wish to remember.

“It’s perfect now- it feels like it belongs to me again and not the person Cazador bullied me into being,” his eyes glow with happiness, “I also know you despise this kind of activity and doing laundry- I greatly appreciate you doing both for me this evening, my Dear.”

Your smile cracks open your face and your tears are now filled with relief. You hug him tightly and he holds you back- equally as relieved that it wasn’t a big deal.

And it’s not- Astarion genuinely isn’t all that upset about it. Sure it’s not ideal, but you know what no one has ever done for him before? Fix something of his they broke- or at the very least attempted to. He finds himself grinning like a moron at your clumsy stitching and he adores that your favorite color is brightening up the blanket much like you have brightened up his entire world.

Nor has anyone done his laundry! You did a really good job too.

“You are very good at laundry, my dear,” he muses, “maybe I need to have you teach me some time.”

He can hear you roll your eyes as you put away your items again. Astarion began making the bed- you in all of your panic had completely forgotten to do.

“Oh please- we both know it’s a miracle I didn’t turn everything pink again by accident!”

You had made the mistake of grabbing a red bottle thinking it was laundry soap (at the beginning of the journey, mind you) and your stuff looked ridiculous because the bottle had actually been dyed. Your hands looked like you had just come back from brutalizing someone. Astarion had been the one to help you reverse the horrid mistake.

“That is a positive,” he laughs, coming up behind you and admiring the way you smile in the mirror while he wraps his arms around you, “I am glad I won’t be in some blotchy reddish, pink attire.”

“We would be matching ALL THE TIME though.”

“That, my Love, did not make you dying my laundry pink anymore appealing.”

You throw your head back with laughter- your makeup has created lines down your neck with your tears and you still haven’t had a chance to bathe nor has Astarion.

Astarion plays with the hem of your pants and kisses along your neck.

“You know, practice does make perfect,” he murmurs against your thrumming pulse, “and cleaning another would certainly be good laundry practice.”

You hum in agreement, “that is a good point and I could certainly use the practice.”

“I would be more than happy to demonstrate- I have been told I am an excellent teacher.”

Your grin is wide and your eyes are blown wide with lust- it makes him incredibly satisfied to see you react to him in the mirror and knowing that only he can make you feel this way.

You grab his hand, pulling him towards the washroom.

“We best get started then. I am an eager pupil, after all.”

Astarion’s grin threatens to split open his face and he allows you to pull him along- throwing the blanket onto the bed so that you can mend yourselves together in a different kind of way.

[bat-connoisseur]

I turned your Baldurs Gate 3 characters into furries. Sorry. Actually no I'm not I won't pretend anymore.

General notes and specific species under the cut.

Astarion: He is a Ghost Bat! I like to think him being a vampire and being a bat are entirely unrelated, it's just a coincidence and he's honestly pretty mad about it. Ever since I first started playing bg3 I had him assigned as a Ghost Bat or a Spectral Bat in my brain, just arbitrarily, and I went for the former just because the colours work.

Gale: He's a Eurasian Lynx! I had to make him a cat. I just had to. And I trawled through the wikipedia pages for pretty much every type of cat and Lynx was about the only one that fit in my brain. The fluff kinda evokes his beard and hair I think, and I almost didn't have him have proper hair, just the fur, but in the end I wanted to be consistent about it so he got it. Peep the greying muzzle because mans is stressed and dying.

Karlach: She's a Bongo Antelope! I knew I wanted her to be some kind of large hooved mammal, because of the horns but also because their builds and general sturdiness really suit her I think. It was a tough pick, there's so many cool ones, and when sketching I was actually going to have her be a Mountain Nyala, but I changed my mind last minute just because the colours of the Bongo fit SO well. They're also my favourite antelope. Let me have this. She's so cool and she gets to be one of my favourite animals.

Lae'zel: She is a Pterosaur! My specific reference was Dorygnathus, but I was fairly loose on the details and so she doesn't super resemble them beyond the teeth and tail. I wanted her to be something prehistoric since the Gith are aliens or something (i dont know dnd lore that well), and so I wanted her to be in her own sort of category apart from the rest so, prehistoric! I considered making her a dinosaur but the idea of a Pterosaur just really appealed for whatever reason. Kind of parallels their dragon riding if they can fly, I suppose? And their Enhanced 10 Foot Vertical Leap.

Shadowheart: She's a Hare! Very specifically a Hare rather than a rabbit. Hopefully that comes across. I wasn't super sure what to do for her honestly, but in several scenes she has these big scared eyes, and she's generally just kind of having an awful time and being harmed by the gods for the whole game and I was like 'hey I know an animal that looks like it's been personally slighted by the gods' and so Shadowhare was born. There is a part of me that wishes I'd made her a cat for the warrior cats joke though.

Wyll: He's a Pine Marten! I just kind of got it in my head he should be a Mustelid of some kind, I'm not sure why, he just has that kind of vibe to me? Maybe it's the way he moves, maybe it's his skill at killing, maybe I'm just biassed because I love him and I love mustelids, who knows. I looked through em all and I didn't want one of the bigger sturdier ones like a Wolverine because. Strength stat of 8. So I went for one of my smaller favourites, the Pine Marten. The reason he's not an animal with horns naturally like Karlach is because I still wanted them to look out of place on him! I toyed with giving him wings (because they're cool) but ultimately didn't wanna stray toooo far from Pine Marten.

And that's all! Perhaps I'll get around to anthropomorphising the non origin characters, but who even knows. Halsin would almost be too easy. I could make Jaheria a cool ass fox or something though. Much to consider. If I do them then I'm gonna be doing my Tav Deimos and my Durge Lethe though. That's da law.

[atsadi-shenanigans]

FSBE 2 - That Fuckin Bitch

You find lost friends.

On AO3.

It is a dog. A bundle of white fur and a tail wagging so hard it circles in a loop as Scratch gives himself helicopter-butt.

Wyll drops to his knees the second the elevator stops and the dog throws himself at the horned man, tongue flapping, body wiggling, whining happily.

You don’t got much time to even notice all that before you’re bowled over by a big, feathered mass of an owlbear cub. Y’all been gone, what, a week? And then some? Yet the little dude lunges up so high he reaches your chin as he totters on his back legs.

He trills and squeals. His claws catch on your new armor (thank fuck for that armor) while he nibbles at everything he can reach.

“Sweetums,” you say. Bury your fingers in the soft feathers around his face and give him some good head-scritches. His ear tufts lift as his eyes sink shut.

“Oh, the druid didn’t die,” Astarion says.

The druid being Halsin, whose bear form shimmers and ripples with golden light as he shrinks down into a slightly smaller man. Elf. Whose body then goes loose in what you can only assume is relief.

“Oakfather be praised,” Halsin says. “I was beginning to worry.”

“Only beginning?” Wyll says with a cheeky smile.

Halsin’s return smile flickers, looking too tired. “You all did defeat a goblin camp and rescue the Emerald Grove. But the Underdark can be exceedingly dangerous in many different ways.”

“Ch'k,” Lae’zel all but spits. “I found no danger. Only the bloodsucker and the weakest istik received that honor.”

You…been called worse.

Halsin’s gaze darts to you. You lift a hand (the other still occupied with Sweetums). “We’re all fine. Just some critters.”

“And the drow,” Astarion says. “I managed to feast on several of them, and our darling leader crushed one to pieces with a boat.”

Halsin’s gaze turns to sharp worry.

“Oh please,” Karlach says. “I split a minotaur in half. And then Wyll and I got caught up in that fight between them dragons—”

“Oh, here we go,” Astarion says.

“I’m telling the truth! There was two dragons, but we didn’t know they were dragons at the time cause they were disguised as people—”

“Next you’ll tell everyone you stumbled into a vampire bar. Admit it, darling, we—” He slings an arm around your shoulders and hauls you close, much to Sweetums’ dismay. “—got to have all the fun.”

“There actually were two dragons,” Wyll says.

“Yeah! And a bunch of kobolds! But the gold dragon—”

Gale winces. Mutters, “Those are exceedingly rare. The likelihood of any of us coming across one, in the Underdark no less—”

“—she roasted all of them! Poof! Into ash!” Karlach finishes.

Halsin’s mouth opens. The shape of a question forms, but then he just looks at y’all.

“Is that a stew?” Shadowheart says.

A pot sits on a bed of coals next to a small fire. A savory, kinda tangy scent wafts through the air and y’all been on limited rations for the last fucking week.

“I, yes,” Halsin says. Steps to the side. “Yes, it is. Though it’s quite watery, and I doubt there’s enough for everyone.”

“Aha,” Gale says and reaches into his pack to pull out a sack of potatoes like a stage magician flourishing a baby bunny. “I do believe I may be able to assist with that.”

Away from caves and rivers, the monsters and murderers (well, the ones not in y’all’s group). Away from an active lava lake, and you could use a dinner, a massage, and then a coma.

So that’s when that fucking bitch Mizora pops in.

***

“I swear, the next time I see that streak of shit, I’m going to pinch her head off her fucking shoulders,” Karlach says. Makes the approximate motion of plucking off a fuzzy dandelion head.

You’d help her. Will help her, if you can think out how.

Wyll sits quietly next to the fire, Scratch between his legs, the dog’s head on his knee.

That fucking bitch. That ratfuck twat.

“This is the last job,” you say, like that’s gonna actually make it better. “Last one, and he’s done.”

That’s what y’all managed to negotiate. Last time, that bitch had fucked Wyll over in person. This time, she did it by way of a Star Wars hologram, and she’d sounded stressed. So you’d asked about it.

Which still wouldn’t’a done shit if Astarion hadn’t piped up. Apparently “magistrate” also meant some kinda lawyer?

So Wyll gets to Moonrise Towers, frees some poor fuck that bitch calls an asset, and he’s free. He’d thanked y’all, but now he sits quietly, and you can’t help but think of them first days off the farmstead. The first night, in Sasha’s bedroom at two in the morning, sitting on her couch watching the lights shift along the ceiling as cars drove by below.

It was noisy in the city. Though you’d later found out y’all was just in a suburb of a larger town. First time you ever went to Tulsa and saw an honest-to-god skyscraper, you got dizzy sitting there in the car.

You still refuse to enter one.

But that first night, you sat on that couch by yourself. You were free. You’d done it. You ran the fuck away. Turned your back on the lord and the Pastor and Mother.

You were the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the Earth. You were going to hell. No doubt. People who left went to hell. They succumbed to the voice of the devil, and they always knew you had the devil in you. That was why Mother was so hard on you. She was trying to help, trying to save you, and this was how you repaid her. You scurried off in the night like a coward. A traitor.

An apostate.

The worst thing anyone in the world could be, and you felt that ooze over your skin, sinking cold and sick into your stomach. Worse than some godless heathen liberal, you had seen the light of the lord. Had felt his presence. His grace. His love. And you flung it into the mud.

Stupid, evil, ungrateful girl. You betrayed them all.

You’d watched Sasha drive. Saw how her foot worked the pedal that made the truck go. The steering wheel, a knob for the lights. Girls didn’t drive, since their calling was on the farmstead and the work there, but you were always too deceitful for your own good.

Sasha had set her keys in a bowl on the kitchen table just through the door.

This place, this room with all the noise and the echoing thuds of footsteps tromping up nearby stairs, a girl’s voice echoing down the hall, it wasn’t for you. You didn’t know what half the things in that living room were for. Had never been alone like this. No bunk above yours, no sleeping girls around you. Just you.

Sasha had offered to sleep on the floor beside the couch she put you on. You’d assured her you were fine. You wanted to be alone.

Because you had the devil in you.

If you grabbed them keys and took that truck. If you went back now, right this second and begged forgiveness, they’d take you back. The prodigal daughter. The lord goes ever-searching for his lost flock.

There would be punishment. They would have to cleanse the sin that overwhelmed you, banish the devil’s temptations filling your mind. But you wouldn’t be alone like this. Wouldn’t be so stranded in an alien world, an alien life.

You surged up, bolted for the kitchen, and managed to reach the sink before you started to throw up.

“Hey,” you say, in Middle Narnia. Slide to a seat near Wyll.

He looks up. His smile is soft and warm. At first glance. But you know what to look for: the strain around the seams.

“Thank you again,” he says. Gives Scratch his namesake. The dog’s tail thumps against the ground.

“Wish I could’a done more,” you say.

Wyll hums. “She’s a sly one, that Mizora. Always finds a new way to get her claws into you.”

You get that, too. The lord goes ever-seeking his lost flock.

“You know everybody in camp wants to beat her ass for you, right?” you say. And boy howdy, this feels awkward as fuck. But when he looks to you, you know the man desperately needs to hear it. “We all care about you. You even got Astarion to jump in for you.”

That cracks the first hairline fracture into Wyll’s brittle mask.

“Ain’t none of us gonna stand back, Wyll. You ain’t all by yourself. You give the word, and we’ll jump her. Or what’s left after Karlach gets to her.”

“Fuck yeah!” Karlach, apparently in earshot, hollers. “I’ll scoop her lungs out her arsehole!”

Another crack. A trickle of genuine warmth spills out. Wyll nods. “I’ll keep that in mind. It’s just…being the Blade of Frontiers. All my magic comes through her. If…when I lose that. I’m not…not sure who I am. The man, and not the Blade. I want that contract gone, make no mistake. I’ve been leashed to that creature for far too long. It’s just…”

He looks at the hand not busy petting Scratch.

“You’ll find him,” you say. Hold his gaze when he lifts it. “You’ll have to build him, brick by brick. But you’ll build it, and from what I seen of your foundation, you’ll build him strong.”

There it goes. The mask shatters. Leaves Wyll, the man, soft and exposed.

“You really think so?” he says.

And that’s about as much vulnerability as you can handle. Still, man needs a reassurance, so you can’t go sprinting off past them temple doors.

“I mean, you can’t do no worse than what I managed,” you say.

To which he only raises an eyebrow, a sly twinkle gleaming in his eye. “Oh? You’ve bargained your way out of a warlock pact, have you?”

You ain’t never really shared yourself to any of them. Except Astarion, cause he went stomping through your memories with his fucking shoes still on. It ain’t something you ever really talk about. Not here, and not in your life before. Mostly cause people get weird with you afterward, and that never goes away. It taints you, once others know.

“Got raised in a bad group,” you say. “Real coercive shit. Got out later, and had to start my whole life over. It sucks. Real bad. But it’s doable.”

He nods slowly. Gives another half-smile and sighs. “Thank you. Truly. I’m glad to have been infested with a soul-consuming, monstrous parasite with you.”

You cannot help the bark of laughter. “Me too.”

Y’all finally settle in to actually eat the dinner that fucking bitch Mizora so rudely interrupted. And then makes plans to set out from this temple (or whatever it actually is, does Faerun have train stations?) come morning. Y’all are gonna be traipsing through a place called the Shadow-Cursed Lands, looking for the secret hideout of a fucking brainworm cult.

Peachy.

Which means y’all need to sleep.

Sweetums has been clinging like a cat to your legs the whole evening. Afternoon. You don’t honestly know. But he comes trotting and trilling after you as you set up your tent. You used to have a cat, Nugget, until he passed a year ago. Ain’t never had a dog (apartments don’t mix all that well with dogs, in your opinion).

You look at Sweetums. He flicks his ear tufts at you. So you lift the tent flap and the boy don’t even need instructions to go crawling in there.

Well hell. Forget dogs sleeping on the bed, you got yourself an owlbear. At least he don’t seem inclined to roll around in deer shit like most dogs you meet.

You start to duck in after him.

“Well,” a voice drawls. Astarion emerges from the shadows, where he must’a been lurking like an absolute fucking creeper.

You’re pretty wrung out on the fucks to give department just now. Can’t muster up enough adrenaline to jump, so you just kinda stare as the man leans back against a pillar.

“Shopping for a new lover already?” he says.

[justporo]

Since writing about Gale and Astarion trying to work together prepare a surprise for Tav I've been kinda thinking about how Astarion's relationship with the other companions would be. So I thought about some

Platonic headcanons about Astarion and his relationship with the companions

(I do hope I don't stray from events or things in the game, but be warned, I might go off the canon path and follow my own personal imaginations)

Gale and Astarion: ah, a love-hate relationship I'd imagine; do they piss each other off? The whole damn day. Do they respect each other and actually kinda like each other despite of how different they are mostly? Yes. Would they admit that to each other? Never, not over their dead bodies.

Halsin is someone Astarion actually deeply respects. Firstly because they are the oldest of the bunch and that makes for some mutual understanding. But Halsin also understands some of Astarion's struggles and traumas very well. And Astarion, although he probably wouldn't say this, admires the composed and caring way the druid has seemingly adopted to cope.

Shadowheart is kind of a hard nut to crack for Astarion. He doesn't get her, she won't let herself be charmed by the vampire and seems to make snide remarks about him whenever possible. He can kinda respect that last part. And once he finds out that she is rather prone to gossiping they can rather frequently be found sticking their heads together and making snide remarks together.

Jaheira also is someone Astarion can actually respect. She's done and achieved a lot in her life and seems to have never lost her bite (pun intended). Also he might be hurt at first by her brutal honesty that sees right through him and his play - but it turns out, he feels really seen by her.

Karlach and Astarion are just chaotic sibling energy all around. Karlach wants to try something? Astarion is right there spurring her on. Astarion is doing something stupid? Count on Karlach to call him out and afterwards laugh her ass off.

Wyll and Astarion might not be the biggest friends but they do find solace in talking about life in the Upper circles of Baldur's Gate. (Also Astarion has some admiration for Wyll's devotion but you can pry that fact from his cold dead hands)

Lae'zel and Astarion might not be awfully close in an emotional kind of way but they have deep mutual respect for each other. Lae'zel respects his lust for revenge, violence and blood. Astarion respects her pragmatic way that often involves having to cut down lots of enemies.

At first, Astarion doesn't really approve of Scratch's company. But the dog doesn't stop trying to get him to throw his ball. So, sometimes, when no one else is looking, the vampire can be seen playing with the stray (albeit wiping off the dog's spittle from the ball on Scratch's fur) and sometimes even scratching the creature behind its ear

Also can you imagine (and I might turn this into a drabble) how the companions would gossip about Tav and Astarion not being very subtle about their... fling? I'd love to see that.

[vole-mon-amour]

Thinking about Astarion shapeshifting into a cat. "I'm so tired. How do people do this all day?" Thinking about him riding on Halsin's shoulder and barely weighting anything to Halsin as a cat, and this way he doesn't actually have to walk all the way. Thinking about Astarion snuggling up on Halsin's shoulder or in the crook of his neck while Halsin maybe does some whittling. Bonus points if he manages to doze off while they're on the road. Halsin walks and Astarion sleeps.

And when it's battle time, thinking about Astarion being shapeshifted into a snow leopard or a white panther (or another large wild cat with deadly fangs and claws so that he can literally make their enemies bleed with a hit of his paw and overpower them with his body if it's something that needs to happen.) Four legs with sharp claws, fangs to rip apart the enemies' throats and a mighty tail that helps his balance.

Thinking about a shapeshifted bear and a domesticated, once feral cat sleeping on him. And maybe he's still feral, just not with Halsin. He can still bite and scratch and claw up someone's clothing and run away just as fast. He can still make others bleed—sometimes he means to because he doesn't like them that much, sometimes he just doesn't know his own strength.

Thinking about a shapeshifted bear and his boyfriend in a shape of an albino serval next to each other. Thinking how wild, yet beautiful they look together and how they both love just chilling in this form. How Astarion sometimes snuggles next to his bear—because Halsin loves that form, because he sometimes relaxes so much that he turns into his "natural" form and Astarion just embraces that.

I feel like an albino serval is definitely a shape that can suit Astarion very well (with maybe a white nose as well and red eyes so it matches his vampiric eyes). What a wonderful couple those two are.

P.S.: An au in which druids can turn others into animals, with some boundaries like turning them bc of a request or if it's their loved one so there's at least some restraint and completely strangers don't turn other complete strangers knot animals? A polymorph scroll that can turn another into an animal of their choose and not only a sheep?

Or maybe both. Both can also be good.

UPD: Kinda OOC/AU, but what if Astarion was a druid/could wildshift himself? Two boyfriends chilling. <3

[cuttleimagines]

𝙱𝚊𝚕𝚍𝚞𝚛'𝚜 𝙶𝚊𝚝𝚎 3 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜: 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚁𝚘𝚊𝚍 𝚁𝚊𝚐𝚎

𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚍 𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘��𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜?

Also yay! First post! <3

𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚞𝚙 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊 𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚘 𝚎𝚡𝚌𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚕𝚖𝚊𝚘𝚘

Contains: Astarion, Gale, Wyll, Shadowheart, Lae'zel, Karlach, Halsin, Minsc, Jahiera, and Minthara

BEST:

Minsc:

Minsc has literally no room for road rage and he knows it. He is by far the worst driver out of all the companions.

Not ONLY that, but he literally has a hamster therapist to bond with about the drivers around him

He’d see someone literally fucking street racing and have the most content face on

“Ah, Boo, he must be late for his appointment. I would’ve done the same in his shoes.🤷‍♂️”

Minsc is going below the speed limit all the time because honestly he’s just happy to be there.

If he ever gets hit he’ll settle for a quick conversation about trading insurances but will probably just get it fixed later and forget about it

People get mad at him but he’s so unbothered lmao

We love Minsc in this household he has the best non existent road rage.

Wyll:

Is strangely always calm at the wheel, a very courteous driver like Minsc but more softcore

waves at people to go even when he has the right of way so he gets pushed around a lot on the road lmao

The only way I can see him getting fed up is if it happens back to back and someone almost fucking kills him 😭 which is honestly the bottom of the fucking barrel

Honestly he just questions whether or not people actually USE their fucking mirrors to LOOK and SEE if anyone's there BEFORE they merge

Purposefully REFUSES to tailgate even a little bit because he can't be asked to rear end somebody because they brake-checked him.

It's very rare he ever reacts negatively at all, just kinda goes "Okay, people aren't always going to be the smartest, perhaps they're still learning."

Wyll, baby, they're driving a dingy pickup truck with a customized muffler 💀

Honestly if you ever ride passenger with this guy, you're probably gonna be getting mad FOR him because he just doesn't react to people genuinely being stupid on the road.

Overall, just a "get through it and move on" type of driver

Halsin:

If anyone's ever sitting passenger with him you're lucky because you get to fucking pass out on long car trips and not worry about whether or not mans is gonna fall asleep at the wheel or crash.

VERY good driver, probably the best out of all of the other companions

Type of person to flash at someone or wave at them if their gas door is open or something's falling off their car

Like Wyll, a pretty courteous driver, but gets a little annoyed if people don't give him the right of way when it's his turn

Does a little eyebrow quirk whenever someone cuts him off but ends up turning into an "I pity the new drivers of this generation" speech

If people are being dumb back to back he probably needs to pull over and just take a hot minute before getting back on the road

Overall, though, he tries to be civil and not let his anger get the better of him

Gale:

Is probably the funniest when it comes to the mild version of road rage

"I didn't realize turn signals were growing out of style, considering nobody seems to use them."

"Wow! Look how much progress you made!" He says to the car that sped past him only to get one car ahead in the busy lane

"The light is green, sir! You accelerate when the light turns green! A common mistake, I know!"

"Do you think this poor lad knows you yield to turn right on a red and don't wait for the light to turn green? The education system has most definitely gone downhill nowadays, let me tell you."

Talks a lot of shit and laughs while doing it, mainly just out of disbelief that, yes, people are genuinely this stupid.

If he genuinely gets upset, he's honestly more disappointed than anything else

God, he's such a fucking DAD

Pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance when someone tries to merge in his lane when he's in their blind spot

Overall, likes to bond with his passenger over how dumb other people are but won't usually go past that point.

Isn't really bothered by other people not knowing how to drive.

Karlach:

Okay bear with me I'm aware it's strange to see the literal barbarian of the party over here but hear me out

Karlach really only rages when people are dicks to innocents and to the people who tormented her. I can't see her getting mad unless she's in the passenger seat. Then it's going down.

She's the one getting mad for Wyll whenever he's driving.

Says "yikes" before she almost gets in a collision but is one of those women who are just quiet while desperately trying not to hit the other car

A PERFECT maneuverer, gets in that motherfucking parking spot no questions asked

She's kind of an "Anyway!" type of driver whenever people are stupid on the road. She can smell bad drivers and just speeds past them.

"Nope, not dealing with your shit today. Bye!"

The only reason she's lower than Gale is because she's got some hardcore road rage but only when she's not the one driving.

Because how in the hell are you gonna make my friend's driving experience bad?? I'll kill you??

Lae'zel:

Thinks everybody sucks at driving except her

And genuinely?? She is a very good driver, knows all the rules and is very aware of her surroundings

The reason why I don’t put Lae’zel in the worst category is because normally with her road rage, she’s typically the type to deal with it and move on.

I do also think that when it comes a time that people are idiots and she needs to try and get out of it alive, she’s much like Karlach and are radio silent during near-death situations.

Please, please keep in mind that that silence is temporary, though. If anyone DARES hit her car that she paid for on the road, they’re pulling over and having a nice little chat.

Nice as in getting their dick ripped off, sure.

“Now, you’re going to tell me exactly why you thought it would be a smart idea to blind me with your headlights and expect to not get collided.”

She’s verbally tearing them limb from limb, criticizing the driving school they went to, demanding the address of the DMV that gave them their damned license.

“Whoever gave you a passing grade must have a brain hemorrhage, truly. I cannot fathom the idiocy it takes to put someone like you anywhere near a vehicle.”

WORST:

Shadowheart:

Okay, yeah, she talks shit. She'll say it to their faces, and behind their backs.

Very chill driver otherwise and is just trying to get where she's trying to go

Like Halsin, she's also fairly safe, braking in advance if she sees shit and looking at both sides of a crosswalk to make sure some fuckwad isn't gonna sprint to the other side before she drives over it.

You don't usually see her road rage due to how accommodating she is in case of dumbasses but when she does she roasts the shit out of them

Racist when it comes to car makes and their drivers lmao

"Dodge Ram drivers are all the same, I swear." She'll grumble, flashing her lights at people who don't turn off their brights at night.

Total tailgater but only when she's alone.

"It wouldn't kill you to go the damned speed limit every once and a while, you know."

Definitely thinks she's the best driver out of all the companions

Whenever she has to pull to the side of the road after someone hit her they're shitting their pants

"I'm sorry I didn't see you--" "Oh, you didn't see me? Didn't see the bright-colored car directly beside you before you merged over? Are you sure your eyes are okay to drive with?"

Jahiera:

Literally will not shut the fuck up over how terrible this new generation is at driving

Any time she gets on the freeway it looks like she's looking in 15 directions at once every three seconds

Also a very good driver but definitely not accommodative for idiots on the road.

You WILL let her merge. Definitely a horn-honker.

It's so embarrassing because she'll honk her horn at fucking everything.

Someone goes first at a stop sign when it was her turn? Honk.

Someone turns left at an unprotected light when they're supposed to wait for her? Honk.

Someone misses their exit and goes off the road even though they weren't even in front of her? HONK.

She treats it like a damn wrong button.

If a car speeds past her only to end up one car in front of her, she'll physically put her hands up in confusion and go "WHAT WAS THE POINT???"

"All these young people with so many places to go. You'd think it would kill them to stop and smell the flowers every once and a while."

Minthara:

Lord help the fucking soul that pisses off Minthara on the road.

I theorize that Minthara is a very, very aggressive driver. She is the first one to speed off when the light turns green.

She’s the motherfucker behind you on the freeway with headlights full blast because you DARED to go the speed limit for 2 seconds.

Flashes her brights quick enough to kill someone with epilepsy at the wheel whenever they accidentally leave their brights on

I feel like it’s obvious at this point but Minthara isn’t vocal in her road rage. Her actions speak enough for her.

She’ll mutter shit under her breath but honestly it just sounds like she’s putting a damn hex on them.

Likes to drive with no music like the fucking sociopath she is

If someone hits her, she’ll brake check and give them a worse-looking car. She needs to have the last say.

Which, yes, she’s just like that one guy in the tiktok who speeds after a car that hit and ran him, screaming on the mic “HE HIT ME AND TRYNA LEAVE!!! HE HIT ME AND TRYNA LEAVEEEE!”

That is Minthara.

You WILL regret driving anywhere in her vicinity.

Astarion:

Such a motherfucking chaotic driver. His road rage isn't bad in the sense of yelling behind the wheel. The lengths he goes to prove a point are what put him down here.

For example, if someone's tailgating him, he'll stop. Not a mere brake check. A stop. And he'll get rear-ended, just to get that fucking insurance money.

He prefers an untouched car, don't get me wrong, but he welcomes people to be idiots on the road.

He's also the type to drive motorcyclists off the road.

"Oh, you like to go fast? I can go fast too. Here, let me demonstrate."

Type of person to write notes on people's parked cars about how much they suck at parking

Once he wrote a fake ticket for someone who parked in his favorite spot at a particular joint he frequents.

His insurance hates him 😭

Is so petty with his road rage

If you're on his ass when he's already going 10 over, guess what? We're going 10 under now. The whole time.

Flips people off if they're lucky

[roxyco-deliverygirl]

The only reason you don't like BG3 is because your bad at it

So! My main criticism of Baldurs Gate 3 is the story, for the most part I like the combat (which is the only thing you could be good or bad at) and as for weather I'm bad at the combat

Here's Morgana showing off my 100% achievements, including the foehammer achievement for completing the game in honour mode which is the hardest difficulty.

The overarching story is fine, it's a reason for you to go from point A to point B. You explore act 1 to find a healer for the tadpole, you go to moonrise in act 2 because that's where the tadpoles come from, you go to the city because that's where the Absolute is. It's passable, it does what it has to.

Act 1 is easily the best, all the quests feel like they lead naturally to each other. You have to go to the druids grove, in the grove you get told about the goblin camp and there are 2 ways to learn bout the swamp and a way to learn about the Gith in the mountain pass. And so on. Act 2 feels like it only has 2 or 3 real quests and a few optional boss fights standing like 10 feet apart from each other. Act 3 is better, but it does feel like a single street with dungeons on each side.

Companions are I think the worst, I don't like most of them. Astarion is a piece of shit and the correct choice is to stake him the first chance you get. Gale is honestly quite frustrating, imagine your girlfriend got shot so you decide to get really into building guns, and then get mad when she breaks up with you. Shadowheart has improved since last time I played, her story is like escaping a cult but she does get better across the story. Jaheira and Minsc are from the older balders gate games but in this one they feel pretty shit, Jaheira kills herself in moonrise tower 9 times out of 10, and you can only recruit Minsc on the one time that Jaheira survives. Halsin is alright and I think people getting mad about the bear sex is funny but it's kinda weird how early you meet him compared to when you can actually bring him into your party. Minthara is the same but at least she's an actual evil companion rather than a stupid one like Astarion. The companions I do really like though are Wyll, Karlach and Lae'zel. Wyll and Karlach are genuinly kind and heroic and the way they tie into the main story of act 3 is great. Lae'zel is a similar path to Shadowhearts story of escaping a cult but it's fleshed out so much more and actually has an impact on the larger story with freeing Orpheus.

My least favourite part of the game is the Emperor, he lies to the party constantly for the entire game, says that he's never lied to you, calls you a traitor for looking into other possibilities to save the world and then when you find another possibility he betrays you and joins the evil super brain. What's the point in any of what he did? If joining the absolute was an option that the emperor was willing to consider and go through with, then why was he trying so hard to fight against the absolute? And you can't convince him otherwise, like his plan to eat Orpheus and use that power to go into the final battle is not the only way. One of the options to go into the final battle is to free Orpheus and have a party member become a mind flayer, the only thing you need to succeed is Orpheus and a mind flayer, something we've had the entire time. Why is there no option to get the emperor and Orpheus to work together when that would work? He's a stupid character and I don't like him.

One thing that is a big criticism I have is the choices on what bugs and exploits to fix, over 7 majour patches they've repeatedly failed to fix infinite money exploits. But stuff like the broken elevator in the Shar temple in act 2 is still broken.

I did say that I like the combat, but tactician difficulty makes a lot of it less fun, legendary resistance is a very boring mechanic, a lot of the extra powers that bosses get are usually just frustrating rather than challenging. Mostly it's all right though, it was good to beat it.

Overall Baldurs Gate 3 is like, 6/10

The combat is good, the story and most of the characters are bad.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Let me tell you about my first time meeting Minthara and locking myself into the grove raid

I was having a chat with someone in the comments of my fanfic where I had told them I locked myself into the grove raid on my first run. They got really curious as to how I managed that. But, my response got a bit too long, so I figured I’d kinda do a bit of a writeup and reminisce about my first time playing Baldurs Gate 3 all the way back on Christmas Day and how I raided the grove with Minthara.

And oooo boi, where do I begin! Just a massive string of first time player who doesn’t know how to look, how to listen, or how to read. To start, never found Wyll in the grove (and when I eventually did he was big mad). I have no idea how I missed him. For some reason, my dumb ass also didn’t explore north of Blighted Village. So, I never found Karlach (and when I eventually did she was big mad). I went down to the swamp and Ethel just humiliated me, so I decided to go back until I was level 5 cause she was level 5. I never found Wood Woad so I never learned of the Shadow Druid stuff. I also never found the Underdark or Grymforge until exploring the goblin camp AFTER the raid so the only thing left for me to do was the grove.

Kagha wouldn’t talk to me cause she wanted me to go to Zevlor. I don’t know how I did it, but Zevlor wanted me to kill Kagha and just refused to talk to me when I said I wasn’t gonna kill Kagha. I also never found Mol so never got the quest to steal the idol.

So, all that was left was the goblin camp. Went downstairs to find the bear in the cage, I kinda figured it was Halsin. But, I think I picked the wrong dialogue options with the goblin kids and pissed off the bear. Long story short, bear got dead. All that was left was talking with Minthara and man she scared the absolute fucking shit outta me! When she told me to tell her where the grove was, I was literally too scared to tell her no and gave her the location. Don’t know bout you, but powerful and scary women can convince me to do just about anything! I felt awful, but it felt like it was the only way to progress the grove conflict.

Then I started the raid and saw that I still had the option to turn against her. I was so excited and thought “Yay! I can still save them AND I’ll have an army of tiefling and druids.” WRONG! I had 3 tieflings and only 1 was actually worth a damn and the druids slept through their big day. Minthara swept the floor with my ass, again, and again, and again. I tried that fight for 3 hours and Minthara won the fight every time. Mind you, I was severely under leveled and was doing the raid at level 3.

I may have found Withers, but didn’t know about respecing so Shadowheart was still in her default class of Trickery Domain (WHICH IS GARBAGE), Astarion who was an Arcane Trickster (WHICH IS GARBAGE), and Bae’zel who carried our asses as best as she could. And then there was me, a Rogue Assassin who loses her biggest advantage after round 1.

In typical drow fashion, she quite literally beat me into submission and I just said, “fuck it, I’mma join her.” Easiest fight in the game, didn’t break a sweat. When I talked to her in the inner sanctum, I genuinely felt nauseous to my stomach, but I decided I wasn’t gonna reload and was live with my choices, even if they’re stupid. I told Minthara that what we did was murder and we deserve to hang for it. Then she said “Look at me” and I was hooked. She has had me in her clutches ever since.

I did the goblin party and her and I went to the chapel. I figured I was gonna get a fade to black kinda sex scene. WRONG! It has got to be the most graphic and explicit sex scene I’ve seen in a game second to Cyberpunk. I was literally in shock the whole time. And then, afterwards, I cuddled with her and she wanted to talk about my feelings and I'm all "O.o, you're supposed to be evil?" The game may have been painting her as an evil character, but that moment showed that there was so much depth to her than just being an evil character. A moment most players will never see cause most don't raid the grove. I truly wasn’t expecting to see her again in Moonrise. And when I did, I knew I had to get her outta there no matter what.

Looking back on it now, it’s interesting for me to see how many things had to go wrong in order for me to end up raiding the grove. If I had found Karlach first, it wouldn’t have happened. If I found the Underdark/Grymforge first and leveled up a bit, wouldn’t have happened. If I freed Halsin, I probably would have killed the goblin leaders (including Minthara cause I did not know about the knock out method on my first play through) and the raid wouldn’t have happened. Hell, if I had thought to lower the difficulty to Explorer it wouldn’t have happened! But I didn’t get that big brain idea until the fight with Nere, well after the grove raid.

Minthara left such a massive impression on me because I did raid the grove. It really does make me think of her line “I would have just been another casualty in your crusade against the Absolute and no one would remember me.” If I did things right, that’s exactly who she would have been and probably would have been dead in most of my playthroughs. But, instead, I fucked everything up and she most certainly wasn’t a casualty and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget her. When meeting her in the goblin camp, never could I have imagined relating so much to a character. Out of all the companions, I relate to Minthara the most and Karlach comes a close second.

I don’t always raid the grove, but I will never kill her under any circumstance. Her and Shadowheart are the only two companions who have survived every playthough I’ve done and will survive every future runs cause I just cannot play this game without them. And it’s all because I was a chronic dumbass and raided the grove.

[cocomochicakes]

ASKING NON-BG3 FRIEND WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT THE COMPANIONS

So I asked my friend, who has NEVER played BG3, what they think about the characters based on watching my gameplay and clips from TikTok and this is what they said:

ASTARION

Moody brat, except he’s really sweet sometimes? But still a brat. Very hungry and wants to use Tav as a capri sun. He’s also a chaotic goose. Goostarian.

KARLACH

BEST GIRL BEST GIRL BEST GIRL! Heart of gold (and metal…and fire…) She’s a bimbo Barbarian, what’s not to love???? Also her broken horn is so cool. She’s so punk, I just wanna kiss her so bad.

HALSIN

Big horny bear man. I guess the dick is bigger in bear form??? Can Tav even fit that inside them??? Everybody loves Astarian imitating Halsin “enjoying the freedom of nature’s gifts.” Idk, Halsin scares me for some reason…? Maybe it’s the horndog thing. Horn…bear…?

WYLL

Nobody talks about this guy, so I have no idea who he is. Just your average Joe warlock who just wants a cup of coffee, I guess. I think he’s a monster hunter, though? He and Astarian sass each other.

LAE'ZAEL

Frog lady with a tiny nose. She wants to be dominated by Tav. I used to think she was ugly, but I actually think she’s cool looking in her own way. Makes the silly “CHUHK” sound with her tongue. People ship her with Shadowheart…?

SHADOWHEART

EMO EMO EMO!! She comes across as bratty to me. I saw a little bit of her story, and I think it’s cool that she defied her god, but yeah. Sucks to be abandoned by Mommy.

GALE

I heard somebody say once the boy likes to mansplain, so Gale left a sour taste in my mouth after that. Uhhh people say he’s autistic, too? In my friend’s play through, he had electric boots and was standing in ankle-deep water, and then went on to talk about books or something…? Also he’s the guy you meet in the beginning and you can slap his hand. I think that’s funny. His god groomed him, though, so that’s no good. Um…yeah, I think Gale standing in water with electric boots talking about books kinda sums up his character for me.

MINTHARA

I thought she was the Drow with the tainted blood, but she’s not. To recruit her, you gotta kill kids, and is it worth it? Some might say yes. I say that we lose Karlach for it, so no. It’s cool that she thanks you for not killing her. Gotta be some good angst there. I feel like most people just kill the Tieflings without thinking, so she’s probably a second play through kind of character.

☆☆BONUS☆☆

JAHEIRA

My friend said she’s coded Hispanic, so now I just imagine her making tacos and burritos in camp for the crew. (Is that racist…? Is it racist if I think she scolds people by hitting them with her shoe?) Mom of the camp, as told by my friend. Elder milf mommy elf. She can hit me with her shoe and I’d thank her and put it back on for her, and I hate feet.

MINSC

Burly Barbarian-looking dude with…a hamster…? I admire the ability of BG3 to make a barbarian with a hamster named Boo, and also make him attractive enough that people would want to romance him. Can you romance him? I feel like BG3 is just a dating sim with extra steps, so he’s *gotta* be dateable, right? Idk, I’d recruit him. I wanna pet his hamster.

[alpaca-clouds]

Multiamory Month

I posted yesterday about considering to participate in @polyamships' Multiamory Months with BG3 ships. And after going about my ships in the Polyam-Shippings Discord Server, I thought I could post them here, too.

Also, @missmacfire was like: "Oh, there are so many good triads." But here is the thing: I rarely do triads. And instead tend to end up with bigger polycules. Right now this looks like this.

So, my one polycule is this one.

(Halsin?) x Kantei x Tav x Astarion x Themberchaud

See, here is the thing. Like, obviously I shipped Astarion and Tav from playing the game. But my Tav has a lot of OC friends, because his thing is that he has friends. (Look, he is kinda a Shonen protagonist. He meets a random person and they gonna be best friends.) And hence I invented also Kantei as part of his found family. She is Tav's ex-girlfriend and still best friend. You can read more about her in A Scandal in Neverwinter. But writing her and Tav it became clear fairly quickly that those two very much still have feelings for each other.

On the other side we have the entire thing that is gonna sound like a fucking random crack ship. But, um, yeah, I am also shipping Astarion with Themberchaud. Something that is very much random, I know. But I swear, that ship actually makes a lot of sense.

And... I also know that Kantei absolutely is at some point gonna start courting Halsin. Because she is gonna see him and is gonna be: "OMG, big elf! Hot!"

Oh, and Kantei and Astarion have a very cute Queer-Platonic relationship. (They love to annoy the living hell out of each other.)

The other polyship I am gonna use for the challenge is this one:

Wyll x Karlach x Shadowheart x Lae'zel x Nocturne

I feel like I do not need to explain this one as much. Wyll and Karlach are fairly obvious from the game itself, as are Karlach and Shadowheart. I mean, if you have those three in your party at once they banter so much. I actually do believe that they are the trio with the most banter out of all characters.

Putting Lae'zel in with Karlach and Shadowheart is also fairly popular, though I for now have Lae'zel in the phase of figuring herself and her sexuality out still, after having grown up in a cult and only slowly going through what amounts to deprogramming. Hence she is fooling around but not quite comfortable to attach herself romantically.

While I have Wyll, Karlach and Shadowheart out adventuring together (in my headcanon Karlach is fixed, because fuck canon in that regard), with Lae'zel travelling along from time to time, but also venturing out on her own.

And... again, Nocturne and Shadowheart is... I mean, it is pretty much there.

I am quite honest with you. There is a good chance that both polycules will at some point attach to each other in some way at some point. Probably over Tav and/or Kantei.

And, look, I know how it is with real life polycules. You just... collect people. xD