#but 99% of bees do NOT fuck
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I should be in bed but why is the main euphemism for sex "the birds and the bees" when like 99% of bees don't fuck
#worker bees‚ which don't mate‚ make up most of the bee population#i can't speak for birds#but 99% of bees do NOT fuck#it's the queen and maybe a few drones#at least from what i remember
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idw bumblebee and prowl shouldve broke up bcs he wouldnt stop 𝚊sking prowl to pause his report for just one lil astrosec so he can change his various pastel colored pens while making his cute little aesthetically pretty for no reason & very time - consuming notes with big colorful fonts & cute designs real quick
also another thought abt annoying ass bb trying to make running a literal planet cotteque so he doesn't go crazy bcs hes now a politician when all he ever wanted was to deliver mail & smile & wave at bots who call him cute ---
bee: 𝚠heeljack, im so sorry about this but do you mind repeating the time-stakingly long introduction, instruments, research references, modules, hypothesis, counter thesis, procedures, analysis, second - retrial, results, & explanation that you just spent 700000 earth hours saying because i was busy drawing a cute little bee in the corner of my notes please :] ?
wheeljack:
idw bee trying to run a planet that fucking hates him is just rlly funny to me, especially since everyone views bee as the goody character who everyone loves & he views himself as that & then they finally win this consuming war & he can reap his rewards of being loved without holding a gun & no one fucking likes him. hes even getting on his own old team's nerves & not in the loveable scamp way but the get the fuck out of my face way
#everybody regarding bee during the war: aw cute lil guy! bringing some positivity to this cruel war!! his goofups are so sparkwarming#it's ok lil guy!! we will always support u at the end of the day bcs u remind us of our sparks inside & love is rea-#everybody regarding bee constantly fucking up on how to run a wholeass planet: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#he was just a scout trying to do his best to appease optimus and now hes a bitch still trying to appease optimus for some reason#wheeljack: so i set these tools aside to route a waste system whenever you're ready to establish that legally & ill get to bui-#bumblebee: CAN WE HAVE A TIME MACHINE SO I DONT K*LL MYSELF :D ??#wheeljack: ....... we need a waste system due to disturbed population disrespecting your rules & this planet is getting worse &#bumblebee: please primus wheeljack i Dont know what youre Saying i just want my DaMn tiMeMacHine so people will LiKe mE!!!!#wheeljack: im gonna kill you .#scout bee: grahh who does that guy think he is >:[ im gonna go kick his BUTT!!! being mean to my FRIEND! grah! TAKE THIS#wheeljack: haha no lil guy dont do that ull die lol lets reel back & go back to base to build some cool bombs instead YAYYY they will die :#not US! YAYYYY!!!#* they celebrate in guys who are desensitized to violence *#guys who are desensitized to violence now forced to govern a planet that hates violence but no one else is trusted to do it->#bee: WE NEED TO BUILD SODA FOUNTAINS EVERYWHERE SO PPL WILL STOP PREFERRING WAR CRIMINAL STARSCREAM OVER ME PLS#PLS JACK PLS 😸!!!!!#wheeljack: bumblebee i havent blown up a mech besides myself in so fucking long. im so fucking close.#when ur squad so fucked up the mentally ill undiagnosed ppl pleaser obsessed teachers pet bitch is the best choice#to run a planet bcs everyone else will bomb 99% of the populatjon and leave#bee stills bombs like 5% of it but it's ok bcs theyre decepticons & theyre bad guys & this is def not problematic thinking at all :)#<- literally murder#transformers idw#bumblebee#wheeljack#prowl#transformers#maccadam#tf idw
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Grinding games aren’t even fun but I’m obsessed with them
#stupid snake talk#it’s the only reason genshin impact is on my phone#I could not give a FUCK about the plot or the people#I don’t know a single thing happening in that game#but sometimes I’ll go in there and just do 15 quests because I love mindless tasks#I’ve also been rlly obsessed with bee swarm sim recently it’s 99% of the reason why I even have Roblox anymore
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Around 1000 words into this, we are struck with the realization that we could probably do matchups with any other HBG/BF pair to hone our action scene skills, and it might work.
We're also hit with the realization that we're like 90% sure that there's literally no way for Leif to lose against Sophodra, like, at all.
#we speak#bf x hbg#its because he doesnt keep his brain in his head and is only mildly inconvenienced by the loss of most major limbs#against the other members of tsm... vi wins because she is the bee equivalent of a woodchipper and has 99% ranged attacks#kabbu loses because he Does Not Have Options That Aren't Melee Attacks#we actually think that if you match leif up against any HBG character he Just Wins bc of the ice magic#and the fact that hes really bad at dying#kjdrira falls into the category of “would curb stomb literally anyone from hbg if allowed on an even playing field”#but then again kjdrira curb stomps most things bc they. cant fucking die#and if they cant kill it then given enough time they can steal their body#we could do kjdrira vs. vera with No Size Adjustment once we know more abt vera
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homestuck
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yami ai [yandere] - Hot Yandere Singles Near You
synopsis: you click on a random pop-up ad and are visited by weird smiling man in suit.
genre: pure crack (like fr), fluff, tbh there's not really a plot
word count: 4.4k
warnings: implied stalking
Isn’t insomnia just the worst? Like, seriously? What’s the point of being a human being with antiquated thoughts and impressive cognitive and motor skills when your brain fights you on the most basic stuff. For example, like sleeping!!
You must’ve refreshed YouTube and Twitter over a thousand times. Over 8 billion people in the world and there’s no new content anywhere? You groaned and jumped back over onto Twitter, silently praying and pleading for something new to show up on your feed. Maybe a wacky billionaire got eaten by a mob of homeless people or maybe a news article about a Floridian doing something gross and outrageous and virtually impossible.
But nope. Nothing.
Not a single thing piqued your interest. You groaned again and looked at the time on your dimly lit phone. It was past 2 a.m. and you were bored out of your mind. You then lazily clicked on Google and sighed.
‘Maybe someone posted a new fanfic over something…’ you hoped. And even if there wasn’t a new fic uploaded you’ll just read the old ones you favorited. Perhaps reading something might put you to sleep.
As you were scrolling through your favorite ship tags, you were startled by a pop up ad covering up 90% of the screen and flashing emojis.
“Ugh… seriously?” you groaned. “They should make ad-blockers on phones for this shit.” You squinted at the bright lettering emanating from your phone even though it was at the lowest brightness setting.
⚠️(99+) Hot Yandere Singles NEAR YOU⚠️
Yandere’s…? Singles? Near me?
The pop-up ad had flashing peach, cherry, and eggplant emojis with a water splash emoji at the end to signify… well, you’re not sure what it was trying to signify. On the sides of the ad, it showed pictures of very gorgeous men and women, all striking suggestive poses. Underneath the title was a small summary that read. ‘These lonely desperate yanderes wanna meet you! They’ll most likely find you anyway, but wouldn’t you rather be the honey to a bee instead of a fly? Try it NOW for FREE!! No hookups! No catfishes! No sign ups!’ Then below that were a few empty boxes to fill out requiring your personal information.
"..."
Was this a porn ad?!
No way at 2:45 in the freaking morning did you just get a porn pop-up ad while googling mafia au fanfiction. This has to be some kind of joke. Maybe it was prank and someone was just fucking with you. And how and why would there be 99+ yanderes in your area?! You couldn’t be surrounded by that many psychos. Could you? Whatever the case may be, it was now past 2 a.m. and as the rule of life states ‘Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.’. You don’t know if it was the lack of sleep or just reckless curiosity, but you gave your shoulders a shrug and mumbled a ‘fuck it’ as you put in your information. Your name, number, gender, age, preferred sex, email, and mailing address. As you clicked submit and continued scrolling, you gave very little thought about how this would go down.
On one hand, the ad turns out to be real and you get a partner out of this. Or
You get quartered, stalked, doxxed, and murdered like the dumbass you are for putting your personal info into a sketchy porno-like pop-up on Google.
Or, it turns out to be a prank and some asshole sitting in a basement has a good laugh at you.
Meh. You’ll deal with it in the morning.
*****
You were jolted awake with the sound of rapid knocking coming from your front door. You groaned into your pillow as you tried to ignore the person desperately wanting your attention from outside your apartment. You finally got some sleep only for it to get interrupted. Only minutes and minutes of continued knocking without any signs of letting up, you decide to get up and shoo away whoever it was. You wearily grabbed your phone to check the time.
8:02 a.m.
You huffed as you stormed towards the front door.
“If this a fucking Jehova’s Witness, I swear to god…” you grumbled. You swung open the door and threw the person a harsh glare, only to be met with popping sounds as confetti flew in your face.
“Good morning, my dear darling~!! Are you ready to begin on the road to happiness and love?” the stranger shouted a far too happy tone for 8 in the morning.
You took a step back in shock, fully awake as you waved and dusted the confetti from your face and hair. You looked the strange man up and down. He was smiling ear to ear and wore an expensive looking suit to warm for the summer weather. A briefcase stood right beside him along with dozens of other party poppers and a white plastic bag filled with brown bottles with oddly enough no labels on them. You looked at the man’s face. He was surprisingly attractive and without a single flaw anywhere. His hair was jet black and shined a very prominent gloss. You were honestly kind of embarrassed to be seen by him when you looked like such a mess. The man let out a chuckle.
“Oh my.” he said, gently putting his hand over his mouth with vague concern. “I hope I didn’t startle you too much. I probably should’ve sent you an email notifying you of the time I was coming. I’m sorry that must’ve been a troubling awakening.”
You quirked your eyebrow and took another step back, grabbing onto the doorknob so that you could slam it right in his face if things got too weird.
“And… you are?”
“Oh my, oh my. Where are my manners? How careless of me to assume.” The man bowed with a curtsy. “I am the ‘Matchmaker’. My job is to pair two people with their fated soulmate and give each of my clients their happily ever after. It’s very nice to meet you, (Y/N) (L/N).”
You felt a chill crawl down your spine. How’d this weirdo know your name?! You tried to close the door as fast as you could, but the ‘Matchmaker’ was even faster. He clicked his tongue at you, his smile unchanging, but his eyes seemed to harden his gentle tone.
“My, how rude. Is that any way to treat a guest?” He let out another chuckle. “You’ll never find love that way.”
“H-How did you know my name?” you stuttered.
Again, another chuckle. What was so funny? “My dear~. You gave it to me.”
What the hell was he talking about? How could you have given this creep your name? Was he a stalker? A junkie? Noticing the confusion on your face, the man spoke up again.
“Oh my dear. Do you really not remember?” he asked, tilting his head in feign innocence. “You filled out an ad to meet singles in your area. And here I am, coming to fulfill that ad.”
You eased up on the tension you had on the door and tilted your head in surprised confusion. “That was a real ad?”
The man stood up tall and smiled earnestly again. “Of course. However, you are the first person to actually fill out that ad. Really, this is more of a celebration to both of us.”
Huh, so the pop-up ad was real.
Not a prank.
And now there’s a psycho standing at your front door promising you a partner from an actual yandere.
“I honestly thought it was a prank. I mean… yanderes? Isn’t that just an anime thing?”
“Oh, I assure you my darling.” he said with a snide smirk. “Yanderes are real. And when they heard about signing up, it was like tossing chicken in a sea of alligators. All clamoring to be the first person to take a bite.”
Okay, gross but kind of sweet.
“May I come in?”
“Huh?”
“Well, my dear. It would be easier to come in and talk through the process of how this goes instead of standing here.”
“Oh, um… Suuuree-”
“Great! My my darling~. What a lovely home. Very well decorated.” The man quickly strided into your house and made himself comfortable in your living room, looking as if he was analyzing every detail about your house.
Richard Chase would’ve loved your dumbass.
You shut the door and followed him into your own apartment and offered him a seat on your couch. Might as well, right? You’ve gone this far and you're still alive.
“Umm…” you hesitantly shifted from one foot to another. “Do you… um… want some coffee maybe? Or tea? Maybe a glass of water? If you haven;t eaten breakfast yet, I whip you up something.”
Yeah, sure. Feed the man with only a title for a name and waltzed right into your house after showing up after you put in your personal information into a random pop-up ad at 3 a.m. promising you a happy life with hot single yanderes in your area. You are the pinnacle of human genius. The apex of natural selection. The creme de la creme of common sense. Charles Darwin would be so impressed.
“How thoughtful. Just coffee would be fine. Thank you.”
After brewing a quick pot, you sat across from the man facing him heads on and gently slid him his steaming cup. After a while of taking little sips in weird silence, he spoke up again.
“Before we continue, I’d just like to say: Thank you so much for applying for this wonderful opportunity!! Not many people would click on an ad requiring doxxing information to meet their soulmates! Again, congrats on being our number one willing client!”
“Willing client?” you asked.
“Well, of course! For some reason, humans seem to really love the idea of a yandere until there’s one standing on their front porch!” he laughed.
“Humans? I’m sorry. Are you not human, Mr…?”
“Ah ah! No need for formalities! Just ‘The Matchmaker’ or simply ‘Matchmaker’.
“Oh, so… you don’t have a true name? Or is that just a title?”
“Oh darling~.” he sang sweetly. “That’s none of anyone’s fucking business, is it?”
Your eyes widened and let out a nervous chuckle. “Okay, got it! Just Matchmaker. Lovely name. Adore it. In fact, I love when strange mysterious men only give a title for a name.” What the hell does that even mean? You had no idea what you were saying anymore.
“Heh, smart cookie.” He winked. “Shall we begin?”
“Um, yeah, so… how does this work exactly?” you finally asked.
“Simple, my dear darling. Think of this as an ordinary matchmaking appointment. I have a stack of potential soulmates all ready to meet you. I have the same information about them that I also have of you. Each potential soulmate also has a picture so if you don’t really feel up to meeting face-to-face just yet you can look over the picture and see who captures your heart.”
“Face-to-face? So these guys have my picture too?” “Of course! And might I say, those pictures don’t do you justice. In all my years in this business, I’ve never seen such an obsession and overload of potential soulmates for just one person.”
You lightly blushed. “I-I don’t know about that… I barely got any sleep last night so I probably look like a zombie right now…”
“Au contraire, Darling. You look absolutely stunning. If I weren’t such a professional I would burn all these forms and claim you as my one and only~.”
You felt your entire face flush red as the Matchmaker pierced your soul with his longing gaze. It felt like he was staring into your very essence – like he could read you like a book. You nervously cleared your throat and shifted your eyes away, hoping to bring down your blush.
“S-So! Um… should we get started?” you stuttered, internally kicking yourself for being so easily flustered by a couple of smooth words. Ted Bundy would’ve had a field day with your dumbass.
“Ready whenever you are, my dear.” The Matchmaker set his briefcase on your coffee table and pulled out a single form and slid it over towards you. “Let’s start off with an easy one.”
You looked at the form along with the picture of a very attractive man paperclipped to the paper. According to the form, his name is Hamazawa Akita. He was in his early 20’s, had a varying array of hobbies from hiking to scuba diving, and was very much in love with you.
“Well, what do you think?”
“Hm, well, he’s very cute. And very active.”
“Would you like to meet him?”
“Um, sure… is there a number I could call or…?”
“No need! We can bring him in right now.” The Matchmaker snapped his fingers and you whipped your head towards the front door where Akita strolled in, all smiles. You looked back over the Matchmaker. “Did I not lock my door? Wait. More importantly, how’d he get here?!”
The Matchmaker smiled. “My dear, when you’re in this business you pick up a few tricks.” He then turned his attention towards Akita who now stood in the middle of the living room. “No. 1 would you like to introduce yourself?”
Akita stood tall and his eyes seemed to beam directly at you. “My name is Hamazawa Akita. Ever since I saw your picture I’ve dreamed about sweeping you off your feet and claiming you all to myself!”
“So, like 8 hours ago?”
“Yes!! But those hours feel like years when being away from you.”
“Hmm.”
“So, what do you think? Are you feeling the butterflies?”
You looked up Akita up and down and your face twisted as if you’re deciding on whether or not to buy a car or a piece of clothing.
“Um, to be honest my guy. I’m not feeling it.”
“Huh?”
“Excuse me, my darling?”
“Weeeelllll…. I mean, don’t get me wrong! You’re very attractive and your words are sweet, but I don’t think I believe any of it. Like, you just admitted to wanting me all to yourself only 8 hours ago, but I don’t really feel anything. Not even a shiver.”
The Matchmaker and Akita both looked at each other like they weren’t really expecting that. With a quick wave of his hand, Akita slumped his shoulders and headed towards your front door. You shouted out an apology as the dejected suitor walked out.
“Well, I didn’t expect that. I don’t normally get such competent clients. At least those that get past kicking and screaming.” The Matchmaker grinned. You shrugged.
“I guess I just know what I like. All the anime I’ve watched kind of gives you that high standard of what makes a yandere a real yandere, y’know?”
He nodded. “I cannot agree more. Well, we have plenty more where that came from. Shall we continue?”
*****
Papers were strewn across your coffee table in an unorganized fashion as both you and your estranged guest were tired beyond belief. You had no idea how many hours had passed nor how many guests were in and out of your apartment. You’re honestly surprised none of your neighbors complained or called the police. Your apartment would’ve looked like a clown car if anyone had been watching from the outside. You honestly lost count after No. 256. You let out another yawn and laid on your side trying your best to keep your eyes open. Maybe 2 hours of sleep wasn’t enough for the multiple interviews you had to conduct today. Maybe your 9th grade biology teacher was right. Maybe you are going to die alone. A weary sigh brought you from your thoughts.
“My, my. You are definitely the most high standard client I’ve ever had. I didn’t think we’d get to the triple digits in just one day.”
You also sighed and sat up in your seat. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… All these guys are cute and all, but they’re all lacking something. They’re either too forceful or not forceful enough. Too wimpy or too strong. Or too obsessed or just incredibly so lovesick that I feel like they’d fall in love with just about anyone who’d be willing. Ugh, why can’t this be simpler like adopting an animal?” You groaned. You also hadn’t thought this would take this long. You didn’t really think of yourself as having high standards until today. Until today, you’d be happy with anyone close to you in age and with a heartbeat. Who knew picking out a yandere soulmate would be so challenging. And who knew that there’d be so many willing participants! The Matchmaker reached into his briefcase and pulled another stack of forms and slid them over to you. There must be at least over a hundred papers in front of you. How did he have so many?!
“How about we switch things up, hm? You’ll look over the papers and when you see someone that catches your eye, I’ll bring him in.” He made it sound like you were adopting a dog or a cat. But if this made it go any faster, you were willing to try.
After about 3 more stacks of papers, you were starting to lose hope and patience. When you got to the last few papers, you stopped dead in your tracks. Woah baby!
“Woah baby!” you exclaimed.
“Did you find someone you like?” The Matchmaker asked hopefully.
“Oh yeah. This guy.” You showed him the paper. He furrowed his brows a little.
“Are you sure? I don’t think I remember this man. His name and face don’t seem familiar.”
“Really? Maybe he’s a late entry or something?”
Matchmaker stroked his chin in thought. “I’ll go check it out. Be right back, dear. I’m very sorry for this inconvenience.”
You waved off his apology with a smile and he left your apartment. You then leaned back with a groan. You just wanted to find your ‘soulmate’ or whatever and move on with this day. You closed your eyes for a second and waited patiently for Matchmaker to come back.
Tap tap tap
Just like deja vu, you were awoken by rapid knocking. Except this time it wasn’t coming from your front door.
Tap tap tap tap
It sounds like it’s coming from… your window?
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
You quickly got up and walked towards your window and opened it.
“Woah!” You jumped back a little as you were met face to face with the man that you had picked out and that the Matchmaker went to go find.
‘Wow… he’s even cuter in person!!’
He let out a delicious chuckle and gave you a charming smile.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, darling~. Hehe, though I think that fear in your eyes was worth it. So adorable~.” For the second time today, a complete weirdo stranger has made you blush. Wait…
“Wait! I don’t have a balcony and I’m on the third floor. How’d you-?” You peeked over the window to see if he was pulling a Criss Angel.
“I have incredible grip strength~.” he winked.
“Oooh I’m sure~.” you swooned. For a weirdo, he was a smooth talking weirdo.
“Oh, I got these for you, sweetheart~.” He pulled himself up and sat on your windowsill and pulled out a bouquet of roughly cut flowers from behind him. You gasped and grabbed them, giving them a smell.
“These are my favorite!! How did you know? I don’t think that was one of the pieces of info required for the Matchmaker.” you asked.
The stranger chuckled. “Easy. I never filled out that stupid application.”
You looked up from your flowers and titled your head like a confused puppy.
“I already know everything about you. I don’t need a stupid piece of paper to tell me what I already know about you. Like, how I know that you have secret sweets hidden all throughout your room. Or that whenever you have a good day you love to sing Stray Kids.”
He inched closer to you as you backed up further into the room.
“You won’t eat frozen pizza, but every so often you eat a lobster roll from a food truck from Gary on Main St.. You have life destroying evidence of your boss that you’re planning on using on your last day. You’ve seen the Barbie movie 5 times. And…”
You felt your legs hit the couch and tried to keep yourself from falling onto your back like a defenseless turtle.
“Your favorite anime is… Dar-” You quickly covered the stranger’s mouth with a furious blush.
“I only watch it ironically!! I don’t love it! It’s not my favorite!” you quickly clarified. The gravity of the situation was made perfectly clear after that. This man really knew all about you. Honestly, you’re so loud that you’re pretty sure that people on the ground outside could hear you singing. And you don’t really pay attention to your surroundings so it's easy for someone to know that you eat from a food truck every other week at specific times. But, knowing your favorite secretly watched anime?
“W-Who… are you?” you stuttered. You’re pretty sure you already knew the answer.
He laughed and you felt his lips brush against your fingers. You blushed and tried to pull back, only to be stopped by his hands.
“Sweetie~. You already know who I am.” He grabbed the paper from the stack and put it next to his face. “See? I’m Yami Ai. Your soulmate.”
Before you could even process what was happening, you were gently pushed onto the couch with Yami hovering over you holding your hands beside your head. You couldn’t stop the blush erupting from your neck to your face. Your heart was beating way too fast and your stomach felt jumpy and queasy. Butterflies.
You cleared your throat. “Um… so, if you didn’t fill out a form then how come The Matchmaker had your profile and picture? And why didn’t you use the front door?”
Yami smirked and leaned in closer. “It’s pretty simple to pull off when your apartment does security checks on new guests entering the building.”
“But, my apartment doesn’t–” you stopped. “Ooooh… So you impersonated a security guard, slipped your profile and info into his briefcase, and were planning on showing up as one of the potential singles? That’s… convoluted. But, smart.” You shrugged. “And since you obviously knew which floor I was on and which window was mine, I assume you’ve been watching me for a while and were watching me last night when I couldn’t sleep?”
Yami laughed again. “You are so smart~. You really catch on quickly, don’t you?”
You shrugged again with a nervous smile. “W-Well, obviously not smart enough to not put in my personal info and have strange men come in and out of my apartment.”
Yami was quick to turn his gentle smile into a hard, harsh frown. His grip on your wrists grew tighter and you winced under the force he placed in you.
“You know, my darling. It’s partially my fault. If I hadn’t backed out and taken you that night, you’d never be in this situation. With those men eyeing you up and down like you were theirs. Having that smiling freak calling you ‘dear’ and ‘darling’ when only I can call you that. I was planning on getting rid of the competition, but you did that for me.”
Yami loosened his grip and lifted you up, staring into your eyes. You blushed again.
“Rejection after rejection. Some guys didn’t even get 2 words out before you turned away. Of course my darling would only want the most perfect man. Isn’t that right, darling~?”
“Hehehe~” you leaned in with a giggle. “You’re so sweet~.”
You are such a baby for flattery.
*****
“My dear darling, I’m so very sorry for the inconvenience. I didn’t mean to be gone for so long, but I could not find this person you–” Matchmaker explained, rushing in and stopping dead in his tracks when he saw both you and Yami, the man who left 30 minutes ago to go find, eating breakfast in the living room.
Sitting in his lap.
And feeding each other.
“Oh! Matchmaker!” you exclaimed, quickly swallowing your food. You didn’t notice Yami tightening his grip on your waist nor did you notice the cold glare and tense atmosphere enveloping the room. “Look who I found~.”
“I see…” he said hesitantly.
“He climbed up the building and came in through the window.”
“My~. How romantic~.” he sang. “So, I take it that you are satisfied with your soulmate? Or… do you wish to continue searching?” he asked teasingly. Before Yami could say anything, you quickly spoke again.
“Yep! I’m sure.” You ruffled Yami’s hair and nuzzled up against him. “I wouldn’t trade him for anyone else.” Yami hugged you closer to his chest as you giggled. “Plus, he makes the most amazing breakfast in the world, so extra points!” you cheered. You reached out towards the Matchmaker’s briefcase.
“Here you go! I put all the papers back in for you.”
Matchmaker quickly walked over and grabbed his briefcase along with your hand. “Well, my dear. It’s been an honor. You are truly the most remarkable and memorable client I have ever had.” he said with a bow and made his way towards the door. However, before leaving he chuckled and looked back at the both of you. “Although, it’s a shame,” he sighed. “Maybe if I had stayed, I would’ve snatched you up myself.”
And with a final loud laugh, The Matchmaker disappeared, but not before Yami stood up to lounge and attack the fleeting man like a guard dog. You snorted and caressed his face to calm him down. “Relax, Yami. He’s just joking.”
“Well, I hated his joke. Fuckin’ freak…” he grumbled. “And it’s Ai. You’re mine now. You should get used to calling each other by our first names.”
You smiled and leaned against him. “Okay, Ai. Whatever you say.”
“And if a man comes to the door, never EVER answer it, got it!”
“Mhm.”
“I’m serious, darling. I’ll gouge their eyes out right in front of you.”
“Yes sir.”
The rest of your life was going to be very interesting. Suck it, Ms. Braxton. I guess you’re the one dying alone. Because you have a yandere boyfriend! And she has gonorrhea. Bitch.
---
a/n: this is so shit. i'm so sorry that i've been MIA for a while. work has been pretty crazy and i haven't really felt much motivated to write. however, i'm trying to get back into it now. with this goofy shit. kind of a joke piece, but i needed to write something silly and not serious at all to relax. (also i've been writing since 4 a.m., so...) anyways, i'm going to try and update regulary or at least post something.
Here's my YouTube. I make anime playlists.
#male yandere#yandere male#yandere oc#yandere boy#yandere boyfriend#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x y/n#yandere x willing reader#x reader#yandere scenarios#yandere boyfriend scenario#yandere kinnie#my writing#long break#goofy ahh#anime playlist#youtube channel#youtuber#creative writing#crack post#fluff scenario#fluff fanfic#requests are open#requests open#oneshot#yandere anime boyfriend#yandere manga boy#please request
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What's your favorite fight in the show?
In RWBY? RWBY vs Ace Ops, no doubt. It's just amazing and it shows how smart team RWBY is and how that gets them the win rather than just going with strength/skill. Like the factors:
The taunting: Harriet and Elm are the clearly the most emotional members of the Ace Ops and very quick to anger, something that Ruby and Yang take into consideration and both of them provoke them with words, which makes the other two act without thinking. “We're the best Huntsmen in Atlas”, “You were, then you trained us” specifically was not only badass but also a genius response from Ruby's part. She then gets to run away and make sure Harriet for sure follows her, driving her away from their teams, which is the smartest move considering she's the only one who could handle Harriet's speed for a while. She then mostly proceeds to stay on the defense rather than straight up fighting her, and lets Harriet tire herself out.
Yang and Blake's team work: The Bees take on the Trees (lmao). At first it doesn't go well, trying to 1v1 and all, but they're both smart enough to see one clear thing: Vine and Elm, rather than working with each other, they keep disagreeing and arguing with each other. So, Blake and Yang decide to do the opposite: work together. 2v1. Take one out first and then the other one. And boy does it work, because the moment Vine is out the other Ace Ops are like "oh, shit" and they realize they're fighting Huntresses, and that they're not playing around. And that sets the tone for the rest of the fight. Then Elm falls hard too lmao.
Weiss VS Marrow: Marrow's semblance is very OP, but it works only on one direction at a time. Which means that the moment they left him against Weiss, the poor guy —who didn't even want to fight and was holding back— was already kind of fucked, because she happened to be the one RWBY member that could fully counteract his semblance with her own. Weiss simply pulled a Freezerburn on her own, creating mist that gave her time to summon (showing how much she'd grown from her fight against Vernal). Then she kept her Arma Gigas and herself and opposite sides. Marrow uses Stay on her? Arma Gigas will attack him. Marrow uses Stay on Arma Gigas? Weiss is free, now she can attack him. She turned the 1v1 into a 2v1, and considering Marrow really didn't wanna fight her or hurt her, it was clear he was going to lose the moment they left him with her.
Weiss and Ruby's team work: Ruby showed up to assist Weiss against Marrow. Instead of choosing to work against them together, Marrow and Harriet argue and disagree with each other, and then Ruby runs and drives Harriet away again in anger. Then, after Weiss has dealt with Marrow, she's the one that shows up to help Ruby again, and kind of takes Harriet out-- well, really, Harriet took herself out, but you know what I mean here. Despite fighting Marrow and Harriet separately (99% on purpose, they were definitely keeping them apart intentionally), Ruby and Weiss were still working together. Harriet and Marrow weren't, because Hare was too blinded by her rage to even consider collaborating with Marrow. Again, the taunting worked.
In any case, genius fight. Team RWBY won not for skills or because they were stronger. They won by using their brains and working together and proved that what they lacked in experience compared to the Ace Ops, they made up for it by being a much better team. That's why it's my fave.
#rwby#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#weiss schnee#ruby rose#rwby vs ace ops#ace ops#vine zeki#marrow amin#harriet bree#elm ederne
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yo why is it that like 99% of the time that "bees" are mentioned, the convo automatically goes to honeybees? other bees exist and are way cuter tbh? (also honeybees are fucking FINE do not even start. it's the native and solitary bees we need to worry about)
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Thoughts on Wasp? I like the idea of cats joining that turn out that the Clans aren’t great… but also it feels… weird? Like it seems like another “lazy cat bad” on some levels. I don’t mind him not joining the Clans but these “outsider learns they’re not fit for the Clans” things always give me a pause from the Erins. Also interested in how you would handle him!
Moonkitti's video on him is really well worded, if you haven't seen it yet. I do think he's different from the way that other books tend to portray outsiders in that they are saying that he was driven away by the xenophobia of the Clans... but.
They still make him extremely disinterested in Clan life while he's in ThunderClan. I think that was a massive blunder to write, if the thing they're trying to say is "XENOPHOBIA PREVENTS OTHERWISE ENTHUSIASTIC MIGRATION"
It would have hit harder if it was Wafflepaw who tried to run to RiverClan, got assaulted, and then didn't want to be a Clan cat anymore.
Wafflepaw WANTS to be a warrior. Wasp did not. It reads more like Wasp getting hate crime'd was a "last straw" more than THE reason why he won't stay.
That's where you're getting that vibe they're saying "lazy cat bad," imo. It's a bit different from usual, but it still seems like the narrative is saying that Wasp really didn't belong here anyway.
(no, Nightheart's moment where he looks at the camera and says "he could have been fine!" doesn't change that they showed, in their text, with the actions they wrote, that Wasp was not enjoying being part of the Clans anyway. If that was their intended thesis, their writing was sloppy.)
It feels especially weird that Bee didn't go with Frostpaw. Bee was the character with a lot more setup and that strange dream. A lot of people were confusing Bee and Wasp when the book first came out and I don't blame them.
Most importantly, you can't talk about Wasp without also mentioning one of THE worst lines I think has ever been written into a Warrior Cats book. The part where tigerHeartstar says, "Those cats who just committed a hate crime were perfectly good people before the evil dictator took over. If we kill the evil dictator, I'm sure they'll CHANGE BACK"
I'm still REELING. Fuck you MEAAAN "CHANGE BACK????" CHANGE BACK? LIKE BEING A BIGOT IS UNCOMFORTABLE SHOES???
CHANGE BACK... me bringing my evil dollars up to the villain store and exchanging it for racism coins... change back...
So when I get around to it, I'm going to evaluate if Wasp is even actually necessary in the form he's in. BB is already about xenophobia and bigotry and the harm it does. Frostpaw has no shortage of examples to witness what Thistle Law is, and what it does to those excluded from Clan Culture.
When I first made my Family Tree for RiverClan, I actually ended up making Splashstar's MOM, Havenpelt, an ex-rogue. I think seeing him order a hate crime against his own mother would be a LOT more impactful here, actually.
What Frostpaw DOES need is allies and friends. I'm already starting by expanding her little "DND Party," a word I'm using to affectionately refer to some cats who will be following her home from her pilgrimage to the Park. 99% chance that Nightheart is going to become a permanent member of this party, joining RiverClan at the end of ASC. Waffle will be another. She'll probably also pick up a Tribe cat.
Wasp will be on this party, but I won't decide what happens to them until I see what that last book has in store. Who knows, he might come back (though I hope not, run as far away from these ghouls as possible Wasp!!)
#asc spoilers#wasp#Wasp wc#warrior cats analysis#ThunderClan is NOT keeping Wafflepaw they couldn't even use Stormcloud!!!#So help me GOD I will REPURPOSE a name from somewhere and macgyver a son for Stormcloud who can take Waffle's roles in thunderclan#I REFUSE TO LET THIS SERIES FORGET STORMCLOUD#IM GIVING HIM SOOO MANY COOL THINGS IN BB WRAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
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A HUGE portion of the criticisms for BOTW and TOTK boil down to “there isnt (xyz) in this game like other games!” And the answer to it is almost always “yes there is, you are just ignoring it or actively avoiding it or willfully engaging in it in a way that is breaking it and then getting mad that it broke”
Like, if you want a tight 50 hour 3d zelda with a full ACTIVE PRESENT story and linear story/mechanical progression & big dungeons….just listen to what the game is telling you to do and inviting you to see when you see it and you will literally get a classic linear 3d zelda experience complete with “yes, we did infact have ONE PARTICULAR solution in mind for this puzzle!”, deep lore implications, extremely melodic and complex orchestral music, progression, & a zany cast of characters.
Both of these games are so much more than that though, and contains so much more content that people don’t see that meat and potatoes run because of their own choices and desire to break the game wins out over wanting to meet the game where its at. And to be fair, that is a major component to what these games are daring you to do. And you should engage with those, but if you really did want the classic experience, it should be obvious you should treat it like the OOT era games and it will LITERALLY provide that for you in neon blinking lights and guardrails.
I really do feel like these two games are sort of an exercise in discipline /listening /spotting subtly /recognizing things in their new shape as much as they are an invitation to explore experiment and fuck off, and people are mad that the option to break from the path exists at all because they dont have the control or desire or sight to focus in on whats being asked of them and they don’t want to accept the shape of what the game is working with.
I’m not saying these people are playing the game wrong, but the attitude and closed mindedness is the problem. it’s almost always the source of these kinds criticisms that want to present these games as empty repetitive experiences, when these two games give the entire franchise a run for its money on uniqueness and novelty and story depth and profoundness.
You went in for a bad time, didnt want to play, and got exactly what you worked for- a lame, monotonous level skip that jumps ahead of itself, disrespects the intention of the developers, and misses the point of very obviously and enticingly marked gametunnels they made for you.
Like, seriously here, both but totk especially is quite literally an on-rails CINEMATIC GAMEPLAY experience if you want it to be, it literally has a path that is like 99% laid out in such a way that you are directly on mine cart rails and jumping up and down on direct vertical pathways. The regions-to-temple pathways are about as much of a bee-line as you can get. The skylands & cave systems are effectively old oot era compartmentalized zones. Same with shrines. There are so many ways they have created pathways and say “GO THIS WAY” that if you ignore those and get lost its kinda on you for not being observant….. which has always been one of the top asks of the player required to beat a Zelda game.
The biggest difference between these two games and other 3-D Zelda’s is that it just has taken the roof and some walls off the design. It Lets you experience more in context to your journey at any given time and that gives you a lot of freedom and agency to break from the path or stay on your goals, and both enrich your experience and inform what links journey is going to be and how narratively/mechanically/progression cohesive it will be.
#totk#botw#zelda#game design#tears of the kingdom#breath of the wild#criticisms#environmental storytelling
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braindumping here. come into my study and sit down by the fire withbme. ill be busting my actual load under readmore preemptively bc i know im a wordy mf
also prefacing by lettin u know i dont know much about like. 24/7 Bee-DSMV dynamics / rules / established lore / meta decks etc. however i do think this makes me qualified to talk abt siffedloop in one because you know good and damn well they dont know shit OR fuck either. actually they prolly know even less. anyways
siffedloop can have little a 24/7 ds rship with a dynamic that makes both of them feel way more secure, reassured, and loved. as a treat. tbh kind of like an expansion pack to my Poasts from yday where i talkd abt loop claiming ownership of sif's body and soul in a fun and sexy way? i think it'd be good for loop, who lost everything they had inlcuding the person they used to be and their physical body.
like listen. we'll have to do a character analysis before we get to suckenfucken. edit this is 95% chara analysis i think i actually didnt even say a single sexy thing. ANYWAYS. i have locked the doors and windows listen to me. listen. loop has NOTHING. they lost everything they had, everything they were, all of their relationships, even the clothes off of their back that they've had for as far as they can remember. loop didnt get to keep anything they care about once they made the wish that made them into what they are now and created the current siffrin. the current siffrin who they helped escape the timeloop that destroyed them, even as they had to watch him get further than they couldve ever dreamed of, even as siffrin got everything that loop suffered for. died for. wished and destroyed themselves for. loop gave everything they had and were, and they got NOTHING for it!
so! the headspace situation vis a vis the Dynamic is that methinks it would give loop a good sense of security, satisfaction, and safety to get to Have / "own" something that is undeniably Theirs. that they have an indisputable right to have on all levels. since again, the current siffrin was made specifically to fulfill loop's wish. his body was created by the universe either using loop's own, or in loop's image at the very least. so!
and that's before getting into the fact that siffrin, as they themselves state, only managed to get out of the timeloop thanks to loop. he would have given up far before managing to get to where they needed to be without loop at best, and gotten frozen while being tormented by the manifestation of their Agonies for eternity in act 5 at worst. sif owes it all to loop and they very much know it! even more than loop does!
so! loop may not have their their cloak, hat, body, or old rship w their friends anymore, but they do have siffrin! not just that, but they have a right to siffrin, which would be soothing in on itself to loopie methinks.
on the siffrin side i think it would provide them frankly insane amount of comfort and security to be "owned" by someone who knows him inside and out (the canon selfcest enjoyerrrrrrrr). like they forced themselves to keep an iron grip on their emotions, reactions, and body during the loops for so long, under what they felt like was the threat of smth worse than death (perceived abandonment / disappointment). having someone who they love and trust, who thinks in a way that is very compatible w how he thinks (& whose thinking process does take into consideration 99% of the things he feels are relevant) that makes the decisions at the end of the day would be like heroine to that gay little neurotic prey animal i think.
like! i think just the knowledge that they dont have to make every decision, or control their behavior to Make Himself Palatable/Not Fuck Up Everything Irreversibly would be immensely relaxing and anxiety-easing to him. if loop owns their body, soul, and life (as is their right) then siffrin doesnt have to constantly be Alert and doing 486374 mental calculations at once to make the Right Decisions. (from actual decisions to super minor stuff like socializing bc keep in mind this is the guy who happily says he can just Kermit to redo a social interaction they think they Failed in like. act 2.)
ALSO siffrin tends to convince himself that theyre manipulating / forcing people into liking then or giving him what he wants (affection, friendship, touch, etc) and well. being in a rship dynamic where their partner has all the power and chooses if/when touch happens and to what extent would greatly reduce that anxiety for them. & loop as this partner knows sif's boundaries, wants and needs pretty well, along with being able to read them so well sif thought they might be able to read his mind.
lastly (for now) due to the sheer amount of trust this requires on both ends, imo the only person either of them would feel comfortable having this kind of rship dynamic with would be each other. THANK YOU FOR COMING (hheh) TO MY TED TALK
#by talos this got very very long whew. abyways im insane#im on the aroace specty and i think you can tell. this whole essay didnt even have a single mention of sex in it#despite spawning from a sex thing. listen to my ramblings boy#another hot post from me!#siffedloop#i dont even know what fucking cws id put in for this. if theres any lmk
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So, from day 11 of the event, I used ‘N’ from prompt 13 for the main gang from Mashle: Magic & Muscles! I’m excited to write for this fandom on here and hope anyone who knows the fandom enjoys the headcanons!
Netflix and chilling
Mash Burnedead
Okay, let’s not even lie to ourselves here. Mash is not even going to know what ‘Netflix and chill’ means, even if it existed in universe, which we’re just going to assume here that it does for the purpose of these headcanons.
For most of his life, Mash wasn’t raised around anyone but his pops and I really don’t see Regro giving Mash the whole birds and bees talk, much less getting down into the smuttiness behind Netflix and chill and things of that like. He likes his son’s innocence and always said he didn’t want to make Mash grow up too soon.
So really, until he started school at 15 and really heard a lot of the talk from other kid’s his age, I really don’t think Mash even knew what sex was. It takes him a while to catch up on all that honestly because, let’s be honest here, the boy had just a couple more important things to really concentrate on, like trying to avoid people finding out he didn’t have magic, then trying to avoid execution, then taking down his crazy megalomaniac bio dad. He was really just doing all that and trying to make friends.
I think Mash, even after he gets caught up on the whole sex and sexual attraction thing, remains very, very much an oblivious airhead at times. He’s not going to know someone wants a hookup or his partner wants sex if they just invite him for Netflix and chill time. He’s just going to think they wanna watch a movie with him, in which case he’s likely going to turn them down 99% of the time as he’s not a movie watcher. Has no interest in it.
I mean that literally. He will just plain out go ‘no thanks. Movies bore me,’ and will walk away because he has other things he wants to do or will go back to training or something else.
Hopefully the person he just unknowingly rejected has some very thick skin.
Dot Barrett
In stark contrast, Dot is definitely a man who knows what Netflix and chilling is. He’s dreamed of it for so long, but he doesn’t really have a lot of luck with the ladies and it’s not really something he gets invited to do.
Because Dot really does consider himself, and does go out of his way, to be a gentleman, even when attracted to someone and even if it’s actually really what he wants, he could never lower himself to be so uncouth as to invite someone to Netflix and chill with him. Even with a long-term sexual partner, he couldn’t really get himself to offer because it does, in his mind, feel a little disrespectful and he worries his partner would think he was only after them for the sex.
Dot’s a man who likes to put in the work to seduce someone he’s in a sexual relationship with, to put some romance into it. Even if he desperately wants that kind of fantasy hook-up, that purely sex driven thrill ride of a night, he could never be so brash.
He’d definitely take up the invitation if it was offered by someone who he thought was really attractive. He goes into it all excited. Like, sporting a half-chub the entire way to them excited. It’s going to be frigging amazing.
But he really just can’t help himself…he can’t just have sex be sex. It’s not something that really sits right with him. He shoots himself a little in the foot because, if it’s not someone he’s dating, he can’t just let go and just fuck them. He kind of shies away from a lot of physical contact and keeps trying to make conversation and get to know the person. Sure, he blushes and stammers a lot when they touch him, especially if they’re really forward about what they want and he almost loses his composure for a second, but in the end he just can’t go through with it.
Even in a dedicated relationship, the sex can’t be an instant thing. He ends up enjoying the cuddling, the quiet conversation, and the making out much too much and the movie’s probably been over by the time he and his partner even move past foreplay.
Lance Crown
Lance is fully aware of Netflix and chilling.
He’s received a lot of invites to do just that, how could he not know? And I do mean a lot. Despite some of his…quirks…he’s got that pretty face, plus the prestige and reputation. He gets a lot of offers and honestly, Netflix and chilling is pretty tame compared to more than a handful of them.
Someone has legit tried to entice him by telling him they would have his babies if he wanted to start trying right then and there, on a very public street, while starting to reach for their belt.
Too bad for everyone but Lance doesn’t really do hookups all that often. He’s really busy and when he does get free time, it’s almost exclusively given to Anna and his friends.
I also do think he would prefer a more committed sexual relationship over a hookup.
Even with that committed sexual relationship…his partner asks him to Netflix and chill and his answer is definitely going to be ‘with Anna in the house? You would want us to do such dirty things with my precious little sister in the house!’ and there would just be an argument.
As for why is Anna there? When is Anna not there? If Lance could, he would have his sister live with him forever.
When Anna is away though, Lance will bring up that Netflix and chill offer and say that they could do that. Or, better yet, they can just skip the Netflix and get right to the chill, since that’s what they’re both wanting anyway, isn’t it?
Finn Ames
Finn definitely knows what the term means. He’s familiar with it and understands the concept and everything, but the thought of using it on someone would never even cross his mind.
The boy stumbles and stammers even asking for the first time if he can kiss his partner. Even when he and his partner start having sex, he’s very considerate when it comes to trying to instigate it. He kind of reads their body language, makes subtle moves to show he’s really wanting to be physically intimate with them.
Finn has a very proper view of sex as a whole, honestly, where it’s something two people in love gift to each other, not just something you do because it feels good.
Good god, it feels good though and he’d be ashamed to admit how often he does think about it.
He’s the type to try to do extra things for his partner during the day so they have more time to relax and be more in the mood later, when his kisses and hesitant touches let them know what he would like, not the ‘wanna pretend to watch a movie together so I can get into your pants’ type of guy.
Lemon Irvine
Lemon blushes really hard when she hears the word ‘Netflix and chill’.
When the words are directed at her, her whole face becomes as red as a tomato.
Oh, and she also shows that she knows how to throw an impressive straight jab right into the suggester’s face.
Doesn’t matter if it’s just someone trying to come onto her that she isn’t in a relationship with or someone she’s kind of in love with.
Lemon is a delicate fucking maiden, okay. You treat delicate maidens gently and properly and you put some romance into getting into their pants. You don’t just ask them to fuck straight out like that, at least not to her.
She has no problems being sexual with the person she loves, but she does want there to be some romance to it or some sort of build-up, not just a completely ‘bro-dating’ trend like Netflix and chill.
#unrequested prompts#mashle magic and muscles#mashle#mash burnedead#lance crown#finn ames#dot barrett#lemon irvine#x reader#spicy headcanons#headcanons
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leaving bikeriders anon here again i’m going crazy over the back and forth constant neither of them saying anything out of nervousness of it all like of COURSE it would take them forever to actually get together there would have to be an honest to god crisis a completely off-kilter situation for them to get together they’re so bad at communicating. also have not been able to get the thought of them running into each other by chance at a bar across town and even though bucky showed up with people he just ends up at a table in the corner with gale the whole night. gale jokingly asks if john is even old enough to drink which turns into a whole thing where john suddenly has to prove to gale that he CAN drink and he IS old enough and is Definitely Worthy of gale’s attention. anyways!
HIII i'm still ON one about this too dw
exactly my goddd the back and forth would be physically painful to write/read honestly lol the flirtation and the sexual tension!!
ur so right smth absolutely wild would have to happen, or one of them would have to slip up, or there'd have to be an argument where feelings are blurted out in anger/hurt, orrrr, in relation to your idea at the end which i'm going clinically insane over bee tee dubs:
john is so offended by the insinuation that he's too young to drink even if gale's joking, made worse probably by gale throwing in a kid– "you old enough to be in here, kid?" with the corner of his mouth quirking up a bit.
john puffs his chest out and tries not to let the one beer he's had slur his words, goes "'course i am" all huffy, rolls his eyes, reaches for gale's full shot glass while holding determined eye contact and tips it back without a second thought, really has to clench his fist in his lap for a second when it threatens to come right back up, not used to anything quite so harsh.
it's not gale's intention to egg him on like that, john's just bristly, a messy college kid used to bulldozing his way through life, never turning down a bet or challenge, has maybe been watching a pretty girl hang off gale's other side on top of everything and wants to prove that he can be exciting and mature too.
john ends up drinking too much, taking whatever shots the others in gale's group pass him for their entertainment until gale shuts the next person who tries down with a pointed glare, slides the shot glass away before john can reach for it, says "alright, we're cutting you off" when john whines out a complaint, leaning heavily against gale's side.
the night ends with gale helping john out of the bar because john's friends leave long before he does. he gets john out to the parking lot out front, gets him situated on the back of his motorcycle, keeps a hand on his shoulder and asks where home is, and john's like, "oh, no, can't go home like this buck, dad'll gimme a shiner" and gale's jaw clenches hard, but it's not the time to get angry.
he's at a loss, because he's not gonna bring john home to an environment he's had a faint suspicion isn't the greatest since they met (however that might have been, that's shit for me to plot out later lol) but bringing him to his house seems like a bad idea, but he's also not sure what to do and john's friends don't seem the greatest to just leave him with a borderline stranger. so what else is there to do?
"am i gonna have to tie you to me, or are you gonna hold on tight?" he asks as he climbs on the bike in front of john, and john giggles out a "y'can tie me to wh'tever y'want," filter completely gone from how sloshed he is, and gale looks to the sky and says a silent prayer because jesus fucking christ. what.
i'm like 99% certain that alcohol would be involved in a feelings confession, probably that night when it slips out from john's lips, so drunk he doesn't even realize it. nothing would happen that night, because gale's trying to be a responsible adult and he wants to make sure john's not just saying shit, but he's also quite forward, so he'd bring it up in the morning after he's brought john a water and some painkillers, and john would go so red and he'd drop his head into his hands and whisper an "oh my god" because he can't believe he's slipped up so bad.
and then yk. feelings–talk ensues. john is so mortified, he wants to die. gale is so enamoured but trying to be realistic about things. etc etc i'll flesh it all out eventually when it's time to start writing it >:)
#leaving bikeriders au#<- for other posts set in this au/future fic <3#i already know this au is gonna be stuck in my brain for a while#i'm not gonna be able to shake it loose till i finish the dog fic and then get to writing this one lol#buck x bucky#buckbucky#johnslittlespoon asks#johnslittlespoon brainrot
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ʙʟᴜᴇ ʟᴏᴄᴋ ʙᴏʏꜱ ᴡ/ ᴀᴅʜᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ!!!
Headcanons
characters: Bachira, Chigiri, Isagi, Rin, Nagi and Kunigami (before wild card)
Manga spoilers? idk
Info: headcanons, NB reader, fluff, Rin and Kunigami might be a little ooc
requested? (no/yes) request status: open!
Warning: Meds…? and overstimulation/sensory overload
Note: This is heavily based on my own personal experiences being a neurodivergent person
Meguru Bachira!
He also has ADHD you cannot tell me otherwise.
He doesn’t take meds tho, but one time he did and everyone was so weirded out, he was more quiet than usual and wayyy less touchy, everyone in the team thought that he was angry at someone or something, once you explained that he took the adhd meds thats morning everything made sence. You two are the cutest couple! Both of you share the same hyperfixation over football and every time you stim wen you make a goal Bachira stims with you, he listens clearly every time you info dump about your favorite topic
Overstimulation/Sensory overload
Wen Bachira is over stimulated he gets irritated very easily, everything is too much for him, the lights are too bright, everything and everyone is loud, his monster keep yelling at his ear too, don’t try and go talk to him he will 99% tell you to leave him alone or fuck off and don’t touch him either, even the smallest touch make him angry. The best that you can do to help is get him away from the environment to somewhere quiet, give him a sweet, his favorite snack or drink and wrap him up on a heavy blanket if possible, wen he calmed down you can cover him on hugs and kisses.
He notices very quickly wen you are overstimulated, if he’s talking to someone and he notices that everything feels overwhelming to you he will end the conversation right on the spot, if you are okay with touch he will grab your hand and get you to somewhere quiet, will hug tightly if you let him, well teach you breathing exercises that his mother thought him wen he was little Wonce you have calmed down he will ask if you want to back, stay with him a little more or leave whatever the place that you guys are at.
“C’mon I’ll buy you a candy on the way back”
Hyoma Chigiri!
He thinks you are a little annoying at first, but quickly gets used to you and Bachira.
One time you took meds one time without telling him, you were unusually quiet got irritated very quickly and easily, he thought that you were mad at him he asked you all day what’s wrong, even wen you told him that nothing was wrong he wouldn’t believe you, once you told him that you took you meds that morning he told you to never take it again. He loves to hear you info dump about your favorite interest, will let you play with his hair wile you’re at it, he finds so adorable every time you stim wen you see something that you are really passionate about, he mimics you sometimes heh, you two are sooo adorable together you are constantly playing with his hair doesn’t matter what you two are doing.
Overstimulation/Sensory overload
He doesn’t know what’s wrong, suddenly you became unresponsive and really cranky, he will hold your hand all the time and ask you what’s wrong, you finally tell him that you want to go somewhere quiet as fast as possible, he quickly understands and if he is talking to someone he will politely end the conversation and get you somewhere quiet
He asks what he can do ti help, if you don’t respond he will let you pat his hair until you calmed down, once you did he asked what happened, you told him that everything was overwhelming, the lights were too bright, everything was loud, you explained what overstimulation was and he quickly understood.
“If that happen again, I will always be here for you”
Yoichi Isagi!
He hangout with Bachira for a wile, he thinks you are adorable!
You and the bee boy have to take turns to hug Isagi, often ends up in fights tho Bachira doesn't really know how to share, if you took meds he will obviously tell the difference everyone at the team can, but he doesn't put that much thought into it.
He loves wen you stim and do it with you too!
Mimicked you so many times that he started to do it do is so adorable, this also counts for verbal stimming. He will listen to you info dumping with a bright smile on his face.
Overstimulation/Sensory overload
Isagi helps Bachira wen he has overstim episodes, so he knows what to do, he will brings noise cancelling headphones with, fidget toys and snacks so that every time that you or Bachira start feeling overwhelmed he will hand them to you.
He looks like a single mother handing their child an ipad.
If they don't' work Isagi will drag you to a calmer place with less people, he will hold your hand and talk with you until you feel better.
"Hey its okay, I'll help you honey"
Itoshi Rin!
Rin thinks you are so fucking annoying.
You are constantly talking on his ear, can't sit still for 1 minute straight, if you take the meds one day he will find your behavior a little strange but will be pleased by it, you finely let him alone and stopped talking for once, wen you told him that you took the meds Rin told you to take it every day cuz you were annoying as fuck.
Wen you accidentally info dump next to him he does his best to ignore you, he finds it so annoying, and wen you stim too
He thinks is ridiculous.
Overstimulation/Sensory overload
Rin thinks you are just being over dramatic.
Until you start crying, but he doesn't ask what's wrong he just stares at you for a couple of times, you crying is so annoying to him wen anyone cry actually.
He will just stand there until you are done with you little show
"Can you stop? You are embarrassing yourself"
Seishiro Nagi!
“Where do you get all that energy?”
He doesn’t understand how you and Reo can still keep you eyes open after training, just seeing you run/jump around makes him even more tired but after some time he gets used to your loud and energetic personality, if you took meds he would find it strange that you are acting really quiet but wouldn’t get so bothered by it, wen Reo is not around you’ll have to carry him everywhere.
Nagi tries his best to not sleep wile you are info dumping, he doesn’t think the topic is boring not at all, your voice makes him sleepy but he’ll do his best to listen all that you have to say, will make you hyperfixate on his favorite game, he wants someone that he can play with
He likes to play solo but company never murdered someone
Nagi doesn’t get why you stim wen you are talk about something you like, he finds it cute, till one day he beat one of the hygienist scores in his game without even noticing he was stimming he had “developed” this habit after hanging out with you for a long time
Overstimulation/Sensory overload
He would immediately notice that something is wrong, you were avoiding eye contact, got irritated very fast and would refuse any kind of physical touch even the smallest ones, he would drag you away from the place you two were in to somewhere quiet and with less people
Nagi would let you borrow his earphones, so that you could listen to some music maybe play some games so that you could calm down, he wouldn’t say a word he would just sit next to you till you were fully okay, he would ask if everything was alright and if you wanted to leave and go home, his social battery was dying anyway
“Do you want to go home? I’m tired too”
Rensuke Kunigami!
He fucking loves you
Kunigami thinks you are so adorable, your energetic and loud personality you’re always really exited to train and practice he just can’t get enough of you!
He would love to hear you talk about your interests all day, wile his eating, training, practicing he wants to hear your voice all day.
If you took meds one day he would think that something was bothering you, he would ask all day if you were okay cuz you seem really quiet, until you told him that you had took the meds and that everything was okay he wouldn’t let you alone,, Kunigami loves wen you stim, is so adorable.
He would get fidget toys for you
He read so many articles and blogs about adhd he finds it really interesting and is looking forward to learning more about it <33
Overstimulation/Sensory overload
Like I said, he has read lots of stuff about adhd in the internet, overstimulation is one of them
Once he notices that everything is overwhelming to you and that you started being unresponsive, he quickly got you to somewhere quiet and calm and made you do some breathing exercises with him, he would get you your favorite snack or a plushie to help you calm down.
Thank you so much for reading! This took me a long time to write heh
Might do a part 2 with Karasu, Sae, Shidou, Kaiser, Reo and Kunigami (after wild card)
reblogs are appreciated <;33
#headcanon#adhd#adhd reader#blue lock x reader#blue lock bachira x reader#blue lock#blue lock headcanons#blue lock x you#blue lock x y/n#blue lock nagi#isagi yoichi#chigiri x reader#chigiri hyouma x reader#itoshi rin#rin x reader#kunigami x reader
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Why we want the world to end
Recently we are talking a lot about the end of the world, aren't we? Like, within a couple of weeks three leftist Youtube Channels made videos on the end of the world. Zoey Bee, Sophie from Mars and also Brows Held High. It is fair to say that it is a topic that seems kinda present on a lot of people's minds. Making me think about it quite a bit: Why are we talking about the end of the world so much?
It is kinda an evergreen topic, of course. I wrote a while back about historical apocalypses, that actually happened before. And yet, we are still here, aren't we?
Now, a week ago, a friend got me to watch the first episode of Zom 100 and... the answer is rather clear, right?
It's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.
The end of the world is an all-time topic for humans. But recently it has become more prevalent, it seems. And I think this is why. Because between the pandemic and the clearly noticable effects of climate change, most people have by now noticed that capitalism is not working.
Most of us are not happy with our jobs. Most of us want to do something that feels meaningful with our lives. Most of us want a change.
But dismantling capitalism seems almost impossible. More than that: Trying to stand up against it, is fucking scary. Because we know that they have all the power. Even though they are not really happy with it either, are they?
So, we kinda hope for the apocalypse to come. To free us from this system. To set us free. Because a lot of us imagine a world of fighting zombies a lot easier, than a world of dismantling capitalism. Because so many of us have been taken the ability to even imagine what a world without capitalism would even look like.
See Zom 100, where for the protagonist the zombie apocalypse kinda saves him, finally allowing him to actually live.
But... The world does not actually need to end. We actually can bring capitalism down. Because capitalism doesn't work without the workers. Because 99 are more than 1.
We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art, the art of words.
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Back with a lil TTTBU meta, here is all the mando'a words and phrases I've either found or I've made up for this fic! Let me know if you want a Togruti one as well for what I've found/made up!
(FYI some of this might be made up I honestly can't remember but like 99% is found from dictionaries online)
Words
aliit - family
ade - children
alor'ad - captain
al'verde - commander
dema'golka - monster
dini'la - insane
jetii - Jedi
naak - peace
ori'vod - older sibling
tebec - ammunition
vod - sibling (gender neutral)
vode - siblings (plural)
vod'ika - younger sibling
vor'e - thanks
Now onto the swears!
bantha-osik - bantha-shit
di'kut - idiot
haar'chack - damnit
haran - hell (literal, cosmic destruction)
jagyc - dick
kriff - general swear similar to fuck (I don't think this is actually mando'a however it pops up a lot so I am putting it hear)
mir'osik - smart shit
mir'sheb - smart ass
osik - shit
osik'la - shitty
osik'ika - little shit
osik'tengaara - shitshow
shab - fuck
shaba - fucking
shaba shebs - fucking ass
shaba'osik - fucking shit
shabbed - fucked
shabuir - motherfucker
sheb/shebs - ass
shebs'palon - asshole
Now with the sayings/sentences
This is where some things get a bit odd with me trying to sort out what words we have in the mando'a dictionary as well as congregations and configuration so they might not be 100% accurate!
ni'pel - I yield
osik’serim - shit aim
Sooran bic - suck it
Ni su’cuyi, gar kyr’adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum - I’m still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal (Daily remembrance of those passed on)
ori’buyce, kih’kovid - all helmet, no head
Copaani mirshmure’cye, mir’shebs - are you looking for a smack in the face smartasses
Aalar’gar jate - you feeling good?
Kriffing jetti bal'val jaro - Kriffing Jedi and their death wish
Ja'hailir gar'joha vod - Watch your language brother
Aliit ori’shya tal’din - family is more than blood
nutenni te shab’laam - shut the fuck up
Rangi an’be vala - To hell with all of them
Vore entye - Thank you
Ba’gedet’ye - you're welcome
shab'rud bal mar'eyir dayn - fuck around and find out
Ni ori'haat bah've Maker al'verde ni'mav kyr'amur gar nearest meh'gar vurel nari'ibac tug'yc - I swear to the Maker commander I will kill you myself if you ever do that again
Ash nas'nuhoy'laam ba'te dush'eso be'te haav - Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed
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There will def be more to come and I will likely need to make an updated one in a while but here we go for now!
tags! @snarkyfina @jarchvast-likearchvistbutthevast @bees-flowers
#the clone wars#star wars#the ties that bind us#fanfiction#mando'a#mandalorians#fictional language#this made me want to tear my hair out but enjoy#i have translations at the end of each chapter but its kind of nice to have it all here in one place#see's writes#sag's stuff
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