#but 90% of the time nobody cares /pos

[otsukare-katsukare]

about to say something very cringe but fortunately nobody will see it or care. it's kind of strange to be on a platform that's basically populated by the awkward weirdos who had no friends as children, the refuge of the outsiders, and still feel alone and alienated and like i need to perform well

[lefluoritesys]

A while ago, we decided that while we can make the body look more feminine or masculine depending on our preferences, we're going to take it as a separate being, a vessel for all of us to "decorate," rather than an extention of all of us.

Storytime. /ref

We, as any system, struggled with the fact that we all want to look more like ourselves in the inner world. The body never really felt like "ours" to any of us except for 2 people I'm not going to name (since that entire discussion about "why" and "who" is personal). We tried many ways of making it feel "more like us" via clothes, hairstyles, accessories, etc, but it didn't really work. There were also no genuinely helpful resources on how to feel better in the body as a system. Seemed like everybody was having the same struggle, and nobody knew what to do about it. Unless you could cosplay, obviously.

About a year ago, though, I, host, finally decided to dye our hair red and not tell anybody about it. I thought long and hard about it years before we even knew we had DID, then one thing led to another, and our hair was, officially, red. I honestly thought that I'm gonna get scolded for it, and nobody's gonna like it the way I do. 90% of us don't even have red hair in the inner world in the first place. But let me tell you, we looked pretty. Fabulous, even. That shade of red suits the body so much. And when other alters fronted? I saw them look in the mirror, get jumpscared for a second, then look closer at it, and their eyes lit up. They told me we looked adorable, pretty, handsome, beautiful, incredible, fashionable, fabulous.

But, most importantly, nobody said it looked like them. People said it looked like us.

It only then clicked that to semi-sokve our gender dysphoria, we could try to take the body as a separate being that we all collectively "possess." We still wore the clothes we liked, we even somehow got a bra that acted almost like a binder, we still have different clothing styles, accessories, etc. But we know that when we front, our mentality for dressing the body and being in the body is not "I wish that thing looked like me in the inner world" but "I possess this thing, and it's not me, but imma make it have unique attributes that both make it look pretty and feel more like me."

We don't have to have our inner form and inner abilities irl to feel comfortable in the body. We learned to accept it for what it is rather than try to change something that doesn't even really need to be changed. We have way more unique traits that just our appearance, like our hobbies, our accents, our personalities, our interests. The body exists as it is, and it may not allow us to look like ourselves, but it allows us to be ourselves. And that's the most important thing. There will still be days when we wished we could look more like ourselves, and body dysmorphia is not going away any time soon. But we, with our limited resources, with our incapability to drastically change the body or cosplay, with our disabilities, would rather accept it, nurse it, take care of it, and tell it that it's pretty rather than hate it for what it was created. The body didn't ask to be the way it is just as much as we didn't ask to be the way we are. We gotta cut it some slack. It's already been through many horrible things. We survived with it, not in it.

Will it work for every system? No. But it works for ours. /ref /pos

-host

[diaryformytravels]

#27 Orlando (Day 1)

For the first time in Blog history, it’s both J-Dawg, and the M-inator writing the same blog!!! We thought if only one person wrote it, it would drive them mental and it the end product, would be very similar to Auschwitz!!!

The alarm was set for 5:50, thus we woke at the crack at of dawn. We got ready and ate breakfast and were ready to go at 6:15am as agreed the previous night. Of course at this time, nobody else was ready. Fun fact, they tease Morgs for eating chocolate all the time, yet they gave Max a large chocolate muffin for breakfast. So off we set at 6:25am to be there at 6:30am to beat some of the crowds. Last night we told them that when we looked it up, it said we needed to be there no later than 90 minutes before the park opens at 7am. Of course there was no way we were gonna be able to get MMM to Hollywood Studios at 5:30am, so we told them that that is what the site said, but let’s try aim for 6:30 instead. They agreed and said it wouldn’t be that busy. Come 6:38am when we get dropped off, its is absolutely packed. Cue shocked faces from the hitler crew. 

We rushed into the park, getting our bags checked and Disney cards loaded with our ID’s to get into the park. We then hastily made our way to the entrance of the new Galaxy’s Edge Star Wars World, along with the other 7000 people. We figured out you could join a virtual queue that places you in a group for one of the busier rides, Rise of the Resistance. The queue opened at 7am, so everyone was ready to pounce on their phones at 6:59. J was in charge of doing this and he secured us with group 18, it then said it would notify us when to go board the rides queue. (There were over 130 groups, so this was a score, yay me!). 

First ride we did was called The Hollywood Tower, and was eerily similar to Gold Coasts ‘Tower of Terror’, we were unsure what the ride had in store, but before joining the queue, the spooky look of the tower had Max almost in tears, after a tantrum. Also someone kept farting horribly in the line, disgusting. The ride was quite fun and bit creepy, with lots of jumps and falls, but with only a single seatbelt keeping us in our chair, we questioned the safety behind this ride. 6/10.

Ride number 2 was our first Star Wars ride. It was called ‘Star Tours’ and was a 4D ride. It was pretty cool and was based on the most recent Star Wars movie. We were lead on a wild goose choose, by C3-PO and he was actually there with us in person 😉. 6/10.

We got our notification for Rise of the Resistance, and head straight on over for our third ride of the day. We asked how long the queue was, but they refused to give an answer every time, Michelle did not like this at all and whined a lot. The Star Wars world itself was really care and you could tell Disney went all out, and we were thinking the queue would be really cool with lots of Star Wars references in it. For the first 20 minutes it was quite disappointing, with some more feral farts, but then suddenly we were captured by the First Order and it was really funny, because the employees were pretending to be mean and yelling at everyone and insulting everyone, eg. Someone was leaning on the wall in the line and one of the First Order Captains came over and stared at him 10cm away from his face and said “Do you own this wall?” the guy replied laughing, “No...”, the captain replied quickly, “Then why are you touching it?”. It was very funny and everyone couldn't stop laughing. Then the ride actually begun and it was so much fun, it was kind of like transformers, but without the the 3D glasses, the effects were phenomenal and there were no obvious tracks of where we were going. The ride was us escaping a Star Destroyer and away from Kylo Ren. 9/10.

Next was the ‘Rock���n’Roll’ coaster, but before, Morgs and I decided to get a cookie because we were a bit peckish (it’s now 10:30am). As we got to the front of the line and ordered our two cookies, Max suddenly appears, “I want a cookie too”. Too late bucko! Ride was fun, same as the Paris one. 7.5/10.

By this stage Michelle was getting cranky because she hadn't had her coffee yet, so she went and lined up at Starbucks, and sent us two with Max to get a hotdog. The funny thing is, the hot dog stand was where we bought the cookies, right next to the rollercoaster, that we just left. Fuckwit. I took Max and Morgs had a look in Pandora, and bought herself a new ring. 

Next was a show!! Beauty and the Beast live! This was fantastically hilarious because of how shocking it was. The only 3 people who had mics could not sing, it was so bizarre. And again! The farts were here again! Is there a pattern forming? Morgs says 0/10. Jasper says 10/10. 

Then we went to another show. The Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular. This was a bit of a yawn and a boy show, surrounded by noisy, crying children. Before the show even started, we could taste yet another fart! If you haven’t caught on, Max has been letting them rip all day. He is without a doubt, the most disgusting creature to ever plague this earth. The show had volunteers from the audience and one was a plant and he started doing stunts and Morgs was shocked, until she figured it out. 3/10. Would have been 1/10 if not for the plant. 

Next was lunch! We had booked an Italian restaurant and headed there right after Indiana Jones. The food was pretty good, but I think the highlight was a text that Michelle got, and showed us, when Max went to the toilet by himself. The message read as follows:  “Mum are you there? Can I do a number 2, the bathroom is very clean. Respond fast” 

Now in the rain we made our way to some shops and did some browsing, then went to Toy Story Land. Max cracked the shits because we didn't wait 35 minutes to go on the kids roller coaster. 

Next on the cards was the other new Star Wars ride, The Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run. Again we had no idea what we were going into, but it was a 55 minute wait, so it must have been good. Max of course hated this idea and threw yet another tantrum, but luckily no more farts. The ride ended up being an interactive almost video game like ride, but still like a 4D ride. It was something else. So much fun, Max and Michelle were piloting, Morgs and I were shooting, and two randoms were the engineers. 9/10. 

By this stage we were all shutting down (4pm now), did some more shopping and then Mikko came and collected us and took us home for a rest before dinner at Disney Springs. 

Dinner was at a Mexican restaurant which had fantastic guacamole that reminded us of Zambreros ❤️. We played uno and then did a recon at the big shops there for when we purchase on Saturday. 15 minutes into looking at shops, Max cracked it because Mum wasn't letting him buy a $300 replica lightsaber. Since Max cracked...so did Mikko and he decided it was time to leave because he was ready to go now. We took our time in that store, and then Michelle informed them we were still going to Kate Spade, cue angry Fins. 

Now back at home on our new couch bed living the high life. Should be better nights sleep on this than the single-double bed. 

God bless, and Godspeed. 

M&J

[thedogsled]

Who Tube (Doctor Who YouTube) is hilariously terrible at the moment. You’ve got new fans being gatekept by old fans and then yelling at the old fans and then the old fans yelling back, people subtweeting each other on their channels “Some YouTubers, they know who they are”, people posting vicious rants as soon as episodes end--lots of really really toxic shit on both sides. Like. It’s hilarious--if you enjoy VERY thinly veiled misogyny on one side and blind adoration for progressiveness at the expense of decent writing on the other. If you listen to these people, it’s not very difficult to see where the canon schism between straight white “geek culture” males and anyone with a so labeled by said people SJW motivation come to blows. They both think the other side is just ignorant, and the constant lashing out is just. Wow. It’s really. Wow.

Saltiness ahead.

It frustrates me a lot, because I feel the show has been really hit and miss this season and the warring on YouTube is just another example of how you just can’t discuss this reasonably. It’s not all bad, but it’s certainly been far from all good. Some of it REALLY works, like for example Ryan’s dyspraxia and the decision to explore Yasmin’s character through her grandmother’s story, but some of it doesn’t. I was particularly dismayed today, spoilers, by James I being played through the lens of modern campness by Alan Cumming this week, turning the former monarch into a queer caricature (I know the guy most from his role in Spy Kids, Fegan Floop, which replays ENDLESSLY on british TV). I feel like a lot of the episodes of this season have been simply the characters thrown into chaos, bad guy is revealed to be an alien, then the Doctor gives a shockingly profound, emotional speech that makes you forget how awful some of the other parts were and you go away with ~feels~ and not much else, because all the endings are pulled out of the writer’s ass anyway. Just. That’s how I personally saltily feel about this show this season, like it’s been platforming for a bunch of different writers saying what they want to say about humanity through the Doctor’s mouth. Like she’s ceased to exist beyond her existence as that mouthpiece, and that in some ways the show has too. (just my opinion. anyway.)

But you can’t talk about this stuff. I find myself reading reviews and watching people who like the show and place no accountability on the show beyond being politically bold, and it drives me nuts. It doesn’t matter what form it comes in, so long as it’s pro-feminist, or it exposes people to history they might not have learned in class, or there’s a dude giving birth for 50% of the airtime. If I want to hear or discuss any challenge to those things, I find myself listening to purely negative reviews instead, and noping out when the person suddenly reveals halfway through that they believe that because men aged 18-40 is a big demographic, it only makes sense that they’re the group that are kowtowed to at every opportunity. Like wtf dudes, sorry you can’t hack that other people exist in the world and you aren’t being catered to 24/7 any more. Fuck off. So it’s no wonder the antis feel Doctor Who lovers are all SJWs and the pos!Who people are convinced that the antis are all racist misogynist fucks. (The showrunners do too afaik, and that isn’t helped at all by Chibnall and Jodie both being SO resistant to negativity that neither of them seem to be soliciting fan feedback that isn’t positive.) Is it hard to ask for objectivity, though? For something that comes down the middle? That isn’t racist and misogynistic, but maybe still cares about how the things we’re looking for in terms of representation are being handed to us? How about, at least, not having to listen to some people who are so entitled that they literally think that Jodie Whitaker shouldn’t have shot out any babies so that she can instead devote her entire life to making TV shows? (Seriously, I listened to one girl who thought that, and you could hear her contempt for people who have kids in every syllable.)

I’ve liked episodes of this season. The Kablam! episode was great, I only had minor complaints with the ep that I handwaved away because I felt like there was actually some dramatic tension. I liked episode 2 because it was idk. A fun adventurous romp and the characters all had flaws. I quite liked Rosa because it had the bones of something better, and that showed through in all the scenes where Rosa’s actress (Vinette Robinson, who was also in the Chibnall episode ‘42′, btw what nepotism how many british actors do you think there are?) interacted with the other characters. 

But they weren’t all perfect, at least to me. Maybe I’m a negative nelly, because everyone seems to be tripping over themselves to scream positivity about the show in their reviews, but I, personally, feel like much of it has fallen flat. When they did finally drop - as they’ve been avoiding for much of this season - the ‘If I was a bloke this wouldn’t have been a problem’ thing, it wasn’t even delivered with a great deal of gravity or purpose. Maybe some people think that was a good thing, I don’t know, but looking at the way sexism was handled in Timeless, for example, and hell, Sliders (which was a trashy 90s show about jumping between alternate realities; or Quantum Leap for that matter, which had Sam jump into the lives of women in the past and experience days in their lifetimes), it’s way past the era of TV to deliver that kind of line like it’s inconsequentially drawing attention to something nobody noticed before, you know? Why is the BBC always 100 years behind, despite playing like it’s the most progressive thing ever? Why do we let it, and say “Sure we’ll take it, that’s enough” instead of also insisting they tell GOOD stories, and not wave their hand and say aliens did it at the end of every episode? I get it’s a time traveling series but the aliens show up and then the doctor waves her magic wand and ~science~ and yes she quoted Arthur C Clarke but she can do that and be powerful and tell powerful stories that aren’t completely...halfhearted, and if you don’t have trumped up stupid bad guys you don’t have to have flimsy solutions for beating them at the end.

We SHOULD be seeing ourselves in the media we’re absorbing. I firmly believe that. I also think, though, that we’re entitled to be respected by that media as well, in that the stories we’re seeing that show US should be good stories. They shouldn’t be concentrating on making as many nods as possible to as many corners of culture as possible that it stops caring about the story it’s telling, because whatever politically correct points it scores will ensure people overlook its flaws. It’s disrespectul, and we shouldn’t allow it, because it means we’re nothing but a commodity, an unquestioning storyblind audience that just doesn’t care so long as our representation needs are getting catered to. That means we’ll keep getting more representation, but a lot of it will be shit, because no matter what we’ll throw up our hands and give it ten out of ten and rigorously defend it no matter what caricatures it throws in front of us.

We should demand better stories alongside our representation. Fandom is so powerful now that we’re being written for, because as a whole we aren’t objective. We engage in mass squeeing, we’re GREAT at giving positive feedback and high ratings like it’s our job to do it even if it’s undeserved (and arguably Who NEEDED that positive feedback this year) and best of all anyone who doesn’t agree can be written off as an angry white dude, or racist, or just ignorant. That’s good for ratings and good for clicks, and networks eat that stuff up because it makes them money. But that isn’t respect, and we shouldn’t be selling ourselves out for a bargain basement price.

That’s my last word on it for now. I’ll probably complain again next week, and I know I KNOW this isn’t a popular pov for people, but I’ve made my bed with that. For those of you who loved it, I’m glad for you. I’m mostly disappointed for myself. And I still think camp James I was fucking terrible but I already know people love him, so what do I know?

P.S. my tags are for my flist so they can blacklist properly, not to force my saltiness down the throats of other Who fans. You don’t have to agree with me. I just needed to vent.

[hihowareyawrites]

Young God - Ch 1

Cross Posted from my AO3

Guzma/Reader, 18+ (this chapter is SFW)

Summary: yet another guzma/reader story where you make him your new roommate and learn about his edgy past while becoming closer. spoilers for ultra sumo i guess since it's after the rainbow rocket arc and that's mentioned a few times.

Notes: Listen I know there are like a million and one Guzma/Reader things out there and 90% of them are angst Guzma-your-new-roomie style but that doesn't mean there can't be one million and two and I completely intend to saturate this market.The team here is just gonna be a rehash of my ultra sumo team, because I mean why write another when we all know these are basically self insert proxies lol...This is my first real time writing Guzma in a serious sense so hopefully it translated well lmfao. This was sort of a last minute thing I did since I read through all the ones on here and just played through Ultra SUMO, so if ya'll like it lmk and I'll keep at it while I'm inspired.The title was literally chosen by putting my Guzma playlist on shuffle and Young God by Halsey was the one that came up, so.

Sudden adverse weather in Alola wasn't common, but it wasn't unknown either. Ever since the wormholes had started cropping up, it wasn't unheard of for normally stable areas to suddenly experience weather extremes that would dissipate not long after and seem like they hadn't ever even occurred. It didn't matter where or when, and Alolan natives had quickly become incredibly capable of dealing with whatever came up.

So when a misplaced blizzard struck Melemele island, the residents acclimated to the weather surprisingly quickly. Truly, Alola was a region of adaptable people and pokemon, and you'd learned that very well since your moving from Kanto. Occasionally you missed your hometown of Lavender town, but your mom wasn't keen on the direction the municipal had taken. The demolition of the pokemon tower for... some radio tower? It was insulting. Alola was a region that would have never allowed for that, and since your mom already had family connections here (your dad's side was Kantonian), it just seemed appropriate to move away from a region that was forsaking tradition. Especially since you'd already been champion in Kanto and Johto, and now had recently been crowned champion of Alola; the opportunities seemed endless.

You sat in your living room watching the snow fall heavily on the tropical island, knowing that when conditions were a little safer, you'd be out searching for the wormhole and UB causing the disturbance to begin with. You were pulled from your thoughts when the phone rang, and you walked into the kitchen to take it off the hook and watch the screen, where your mom's face came on.

“Oh, I'm so glad you're home (y/n), I was worried you'd be out there in that mess!” She smiled, relieved, though she knew you were more than capable of taking care of yourself.

“Nah, I'm gonna wait until it gets a little easier to navigate before I head out.” You looked out the window to watch the white out conditions blow against the glass panes.

“That's good, you be safe. I just wanted to let you know that because of the weather, I'm going to be a bit late coming home- it probably won't be for another week or so. Will you be alright by yourself?” your mom smiled but you could see the concern in her eyes. Just below the view of the webcam, you could see her meowth's ears wiggle, listening to your voice.

"I'll be okay, I think the champion of Alola can handle a little snow... I've got my pokemon with me.” you held up a pokeball and smiled at your mom, her concern appreciated. She laughed.

“I thought so, I just wanted to make sure. There should be plenty of food there, but if you need anything, I'll be transferring some money into your account. Better safe than sorry!” You had told your mom more than a few times that she didn't need to help you out financially, being champion was an exceedingly well paying job, but she insisted on helping you anyway. You felt lucky to have such a compassionate parent.

“Thanks mom... don't worry about me, I'll be fine.”

“I'm glad to hear it! Well, your aunt and I are going to have some tea and go to bed. It's 10 PM here, but only 3 PM for you! Time zones sure are funny. If you need anything, you call me alright?”

“You got it mom, good night.”

“Goodnight honey.” And with that the screen clicked back to the screensaver of a voltorb floating across the screen and bouncing off the edges. You decided now would be as good a time as any to feed your hungry pokemon. Releasing them, your kitchen suddenly seemed a bit more cramped. Sylveon shook and trilled, affectionately rubbing against your leg. You patted her head affectionately. Some of them didn't take up too much space- raichu, sylveon and mienshao. But primarina, arcanine and malamar made it feel a bit cramped. Opening the cupboards you pulled out the food and started to divvy it up, only to find by the end you were scraping to distribute it evenly. And here you thought you were a bit more well stocked.

You knew your paycheck wouldn't clear until tomorrow, but luckily the amount your mom had transferred you had cleared; you'd never underestimate a mother's intuition to know when somethings needed. “Alright you guys, if we want to eat tomorrow I'm going to need to head to the store. Do you think you can all behave while I'm gone?” Your pokemon happily agreed. You were glad you'd trained such a reliable team.

Since she had finished eating first, you recalled sylveon to her pokeball to bring with you on the way to the store, in case of emergency. You never could be too careful.

It never ceased to amaze you how well charizard was able to navigate through the winds and weather like this, but you were thankful for it as you landed outside the Hau'oli city shopping district. You hurried inside, rubbing your hands together for warmth. Next time you'd be sure to dress warmer, you'd gotten too used to dressing for tropical weather.

People hurried about, purchasing last minute items quickly so they could get home before it got too bad, and you navigated the busy shops expertly until you'd gotten enough groceries for yourself and your pokemon to last at least another week or two. You thanked the cashier and stepped outside, ready to page charizard before deciding you would stop at the pokemon center before heading back to get a few last minute items only available there. It had lightened up a little but no considerable amount, so you were still in a hurry to get home. As you approached the telltale red and white building, you heard people arguing inside. No doubt some young trainers picking a fight with one another. You rolled your eyes and walked through the automatic doors of the pokemon hospital.

You were surprised when you were greeted with an empty center, all but the nurse and one other stood in the lobby. Even the shop keepers had left. You were about the turn to leave when you looked closer and realized you recognized the young man arguing with the nurse. You set your bags down on one of the public couches and decided to see if you could intervene here. After all, you did have some respect as the champion.

“I'm sorry, but as it stands we have limited resources with the pokemon we can keep here, we're just too full... and besides, the pokemon here are already injured. Inviting a violent, historically antagonistic pokemon here would only stress them out further. Please understand.” You frowned, unaccustomed to hearing a nurse find an excuse not to allow a pokemon into her care. While storms and the like did seem to book up the centers a lot quicker, normally she'd at least try to accommodate an injured pokemon somehow. You approached the two from behind, the nurse recognizing you but deciding to deal with one problem at a time. Though, you were more than a little certain if her first problem wasn't the former boss of a feared gang, maybe she might be a bit more lenient. Your former enemy took his hands from his pockets, still in his signature slouch.

“You ain't gotta stereotype him like that, just cuz' he's big and strong don't mean he's gonna hurt nobody. 'Sides, ain't it your job as a nurse to help all pokemon? You know bug pokemon don't do well in the cold- s'pecially blizzards n' all.” Even though he had a history of being violent or aggressive, you'd known well enough that didn't mean Guzma didn't care for his pokemon. No doubt his golisopod was having a hard time acclimating to this type of weather. “I ain't got nowhere to go in this weather, 'least he could have somewhere better to stay.” You cocked your head involuntarily at that. No where to stay? What about Po town?

“I'm sorry, we're just too full. You might try the center up a ways on route 2, I can't guarantee they're any better off, but it's worth a shot. I really need to get back to work now, good luck.” She seemed so quick to dismiss him, you guessed people still had ideas about former members of team skull, and certainly the guy who created the gang in the first place. Guzma shoved his hands back into his pockets.

“Tch. Figures.” He turned and seemed quite unexpected to see you, given he took a step back suddenly in surprise. “You..!!” Was he really about to fight right now? You only had one pokemon on you, even at his weakest you didn't know if you could beat him. You reached for your pokeball instinctively anyway; he seemed to notice. “Hey now, I ain't plannin' on fightin' you. Don't got time for that.” He shrugged with his hands still in his pockets and pushed past you. You felt a little guilty for assuming he'd immediately resort to violence, but it wasn't exactly uncharacteristic. Still, you didn't feel right not inquiring. The nurse seemed ready to ask if you needed assistance, but you waved at her and excused yourself, chasing after Guzma.

“Hey! Wait!” You called after him, noticing the bright red 'x' on the back if his black jacket. Guess he really was done with team skull. He stopped and only turned enough to see you over his shoulder.

“What? Now you wanna pick a fight? I told you I don't got time for that.” He was about to leave through the automatic doors when you reached out and grabbed the short sleeve of his jacket.

“You said you don't have anywhere to go...?” You couldn't help but look at him with concern. You'd been through a lot, with the ultra wormholes, team rainbow rocket... you knew he wasn't a bad guy, at least not anymore. After all, he'd helped you out more than a few times. You'd even go far enough to call him a friend before you called him an enemy, even if you hadn't seen him in a long time. He stopped, didn't pull away from you, but turned to face away.

“S'right. What's it to you?”

Were you really about to do this? Was this really a good idea? You asked yourself these things but before you could answer your own inner monologue you spoke.

“You could... stay at my place. It's not great out, and your pokemon- golisopod, could use the rest. I just bought a lot of pokemon food, and my mom's out of town for a while. It's not much but at least til this weather dies down.” The sleeve of his jacket was still in your grasp and you adjusted your fingers around it nervously. He was silent for a moment, considering your offer.

“Why? You ain't gotta debt to me. Go home girly.” He tried to pull away but your hand slipped down to grab his arm.

“Come on... don't be that way. I don't need to have a debt to help you... but if I did, think if it as thanks for helping with that rainbow rocket nonsense a while back. I'll make us some tapu cocoa.” You flashed a smile at him, though he couldn't see it turned away from you. He reached up and scratched the back of his black undercut with his arm that wasn't in your grasp and sighed heavily.

“You sure?” You let go of his arm and smiled.

“I insist.” He shrugged and turned to grin at you.

“Guess it would be rude 'a me to turn down your generosity, champ.” You turned to grab your bags from the couch, in the corner of your eye you saw the nurse give a brief look of disapproval before turning away when she saw you'd noticed. You hoisted up your groceries.

“Alright, let's hit the road.” You marched outside to be greeted with an even stronger gust of wind and snow than had been blowing before you left. You frowned, this was troublesome. You asked Guzma to hold your bags and he hurriedly complied. You tried to page charizard, but the signal wasn't going through. “What a mess, guess we'll have to walk it. You got an issue with that?” You looked back at him still holding your things.

“Me? I been through worse. I can handle this, s'no problem.” He seemed confident enough. You laughed at his words.

“Snow problem indeed.” You said to yourself, he didn't hear you. You reached out to take your bags back but he didn't return them to you.

“I got this, no big. Lead the way.” You smiled, thankful you didn't have to carry them. The walk back to route one was a little longer than you remembered, but you were able to manage. You hurriedly unlocked the door and motioned for him to go in first, since his hands were full.

“You can set those anywhere.” You followed soon after and turned and locked the door behind you. You didn't think you had anything to worry about, but better safe than sorry. A year ago you'd have locked your door to keep team skull out, and instead you were inviting the (former) leader in. You couldn't help but snicker at the irony.

“What's got you laughin?” You were removed from your thoughts when you remembered you weren't alone. You walked into the kitchen to go through the bags that Guzma had set on the counter for you. Your pokemon had dispersed into the house, but they were coming to greet you now that you were home.

“It's nothing, don't worry about it. While I put these away, why don't you say hello to everyone?” You rummaged through the bags while Guzma gave you a confused look.

“Everyone?” He questioned you, before turning to meet a wary arcanine, growling at him. He stumbled back. “W-whoa, hey now-” The large dog pokemon lived up to his reputation, and sniffed at the new guest, no doubt recognizing him from battles. Your other pokemon followed suit, giving you questioning glances and him aggressive warnings.

“Hey guys, don't worry about him. Be polite when we have guests over.” Your pokemon backed down at your order. Mienshao and malamar were more loners, and chose to sleep in your mothers room in her absence, returning back there after making sure the tall man in your kitchen wasn't a threat. Primarina and arcanine relaxed in your living room floor, while raichu hovered around you before deciding to snooze on top of the refrigerator. “Oh, I almost forgot.” You released sylveon from her pokeball, and she shook herself. More than any of your other pokemon, you could count on her to greet any trusted guests with friendliness. She approached the team skull leader before snaking her ribbon like appendages around his arm, which seemed to make him uncomfortable.

“Whats she doin that for?” He questioned you. You finished putting away the last of your groceries and pulled two mugs down to start on your promised tapu cocoa.

“Its just how she says hello! Here-” you reached into a jar on the counter and tossed him a pokebean. “try giving her one of these.” He looked at it in his hands for a moment before offering it to her in an open palm. The pink fox-like pokemon happily ate it then nuzzled his hand affectionately. He seemed to smile, genuinely.

“You singlehandedly handed my ass to me more than once, looks are real deceivin with fairy pokemon.” She seemed to take that as a compliment and trilled happily, before releasing his arm and trotting into your room to curl up on your bed. “You got a lotta cute pokemon.” You smiled.

“I love all my pokemon, but I would be lying if I said I didn't catch cute ones when I saw them.” You were happy, for one reason or another, that he appreciated your pokemon's aesthetics as much as you did. You finished making your drinks and picked up the mugs. “Hey, I got these as promised, come have a seat.” You walked into your living room and he followed you wordlessly. You sat on one end of your couch and handed him the mug, which he accepted with a brief 'thanks' before taking the spot directly opposite you on the other end. If you could pride yourself in anything, you made great tapu cocoa. You watched him stare into the cup for a while, both hands around it, as if he was trying to absorb all the warmth he could out of it. “So... what happened that you had nowhere to go?” You decided to break the silence, but immediately wished you'd picked a better topic to do so. You watched one set of his fingers thrum against the mug uncomfortably.

“It's a long story I guess.” You couldn't tell if he was avoiding the subject or prefacing it. You looked at the clock.

“It's only about 7:30... we have time. If you don't want to talk about it, I und-”

“It's not that. I just gotta image I gotta uphold I guess.” He cut you off, then finally decided to drink the cooling beverage in his hands. You watched him, and noticed for the first time how tired he really looked. “Po town, after everything that happened, I convinced the grunts they could do better than that. Kicked 'em all out, and they seem to be provin' me right.” It was true, you recognized a lot of the former team skill grunts around. A lot of them had part time jobs, were re-attempting island challenges, finally making an attempt to turn their lives around. “Plumes' is off doin her own thing. Since I had no use for it, I handed Po town over to that old guy, with the cats.” You knew he meant Nanu. “I dunno what he's doin with it now, but he said he'd take care of it.” You sipped at your cocoa while you listened to him talk. You didn't want to tell him aloud, but you were impressed with his maturity. Maybe you'd had him wrong back then.

“Why'd you give it up with nowhere to go though...” You still couldn't believe he'd just put himself out like that, he wasn't martyr.

“I did, at first, I guess. Things just didn't work out, that's all I gotta say about that.” He seemed adamantly unwilling to tell you why, and you didn't push the issue. Something about the way his hands tightened on the mug, and his eyes narrowed, you felt like you had no right to ask. You nodded and sipped your cocoa together in silence for a bit, before you suddenly gulped the rest of yours down.

“Hey, if you want, you can take a hot shower.” You said, standing up. He looked up at your sudden change in position. “It's cold out, and we just walked a ways... I thought maybe you'd like the chance to.” He stared into the mug still half full and reached to scratch the back of his neck with the other.

“Sure, if yer' offerin'.”

“Great. Finish that and-” as you said so, you watched him down the rest of the tapu cocoa like you had done earlier and reached up to hand you the now empty mug. “well, that takes care of that. I can't do much while the water in the shower is running, but tomorrow you can wash your clothes if you want.” He shrugged and you turned to walk away.

“Hey.” You heard him call out behind you and stopped, but didn't turn around. “Why you bein' so nice to me anyway? I ain't done nothin' to earn it.” Even though his tone played casual, behind it you could sense a tone of uncertainty and wariness, as if hospitality was a trap to him, that he didn't want to set off.

“I told you, it's not like I don't like you. Just be grateful I came by when I did. I'll be in bed when you get out, but I'll get some blankets and stuff for you.”

“Yeah, sure.” As you put the cups in the sink and ran the hot water you heard him get up from behind you and start down the hallway but stop. You laughed to yourself, sure he was confused which door to open and didn't want to invade the wrong one.

“Door on the right!” You called to him, and heard a faint 'thanks' in response. After you finished washing the cups and heard the water running, you made sure to grab blankets and pillows for the living room, and laid them out there. Only a few minutes later you were crawling into bed with the door shut, ready to sleep; you hadn't realized how tired you were. As you felt yourself falling asleep questions raced through your mind: was this a good idea? What kind of person had you invited into your home? What would people say? Should you tell your mom?

All valid, but they weren't things you were willing to entertain now as you heard the water turn off only just before you finally slipped asleep.

[latvian-parisienne]

Days 8&9 - Trust me, I’m a Latvian Parisian, not Spanish and not studying in Sweden

Too many parties and afterworks are affecting my writing schedule - if you arrive home past midnight and have lectures (or How to Get Away with Murder bingewatching) planned in the morning, it’s harder to find time. However, life in Paris is slowly starting to get simpler, easier and familiar. Guess what - I don’t need Google maps anymore to find my university! Even if I’m walking from Chatelet and just wandering around.

Also I guess I’m starting to look like a Parisian, because people more often are asking me to show the way to Louvre or the closest pharmacy, or explain what’s written in the menu (because I was speaking French at the moment). As a big surprise to me, I also know how to respond, because I really know the answers to their questions.

Other people still usually think I’m Spanish. Yes, I know that my tan has gone crazy this summer, but mostly this assumption is made because of my name. Nobody cares that probably every 5th girl in Latvia who is born starting from the end of 90s up to right now is called Marta, Martas are associated with Spain, Portugal or Latin America. And it gets even worse if you mention that you are from Stockholm School of Economics in Riga. Then you’re a Spaniard studying in Sweden.

A guy who was trying to persuade me to open up a bank account in a French bank because they would gift me 90 EUR for that (yeah, as if I as an Economics and Finance student believe that money comes for free and they do not have any hidden tricks underneath) asked me three times if I was from Alaska. Still have no clue why he thought so. After I explained him that I was from Latvia, he remember Aļona Ostapenko winning Roland Garros two years ago. They know about us and actually I very rarely feel that people have no clue where Latvia is. When they do not get it at first, it’s usually because of the different pronunciation. Spanish people tend not to understand it the most, because Lettonie, Latvia and Lettland does not work in their language. Other variations I simply don’t know.

On Wednesday Sciences Po organized the best event a Baltic person can wish for - a conference of speakers from all three Baltic countries who talked about the Baltic Way and how our countries have developed since then. A proud Latvian being, I went to the event and even gathered two French masters students to go with (one of them is passionate about Estonia, by the way). It was so inspiring to see so many people from different nations, different countries which have no relation to the Baltic states, sitting in a big auditorium and listening about our past. People care. People are interested. And although we are such a small country on the map of the world, it’s such a proud feeling to be one of us.

Actually, I still don’t feel like studying. French professors are allowing to write exams in English if we feel more comfortable in that language, one of the English subject professors literally said “relax, you will all pass, just don’t take this course seriously at all”, so I think it will be great. So yesterday I had a 5hour break between the lectures and I went to walk around the city. I decided that I was in the mood for some shopping so I walked to Chatelet shopping mall. Was it easy to find it? Not really. There is a big park with several signs showing where Louvre is but no signs of the shopping mall. Walked around for good 20 minutes until I found it. 

Did I buy something? No, because I understood that I as a typical girl need someone to assure me that the clothing item looks good on me and that I need to spend my money on it. But I went to Sephora. Two, to be precise. And no regrets about that!

A weird thing about alcohol in Paris is that strong alcohol is super expensive and beer in shops is not that cheap either. A can costs about starting from 2 EUR up. Ciders and wines on the other hand are cheap. You cannot buy a cider in a can as you are used to do in Riga, ciders are sold only in a big glass bottle starting from 3 EUR (which is a really great deal, in my opinion). Wine can also be quite cheap - I’ve seen bottles of 3 EUR, but French people say that it is definitely not one of the best. Wines at 6 EUR, however, are thought to be the most affordable and tasty ones. Probably will manage to test them out as well at some point.

[littlerosepose]

91 Questions!!!

I was tagged by @megatrashlord101, Thanks!! <3

Rules: Answer 91 statements and tag 20 people.

-Last-

1.Drink: Coconut water

2.Phone call: My mum

3. Text message: Dominos giving me a pizza coupon lmao nobody texts me

4. Song:  Somebody else by the 1975

5.Time you cried: Can’t remember... about a week ago maybe. but I’ve been on the brink of tears all day

-Have You-

6.Dated someone twice: No

7.Kissed someone and regretted it: yep

8.Being cheated on: kinda

9.Lost someone special: not exactly

10.Been depressed: for the past 3 years

11.Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope

-List 4 FAVORITE COLOURS-

12. Green

13.Pink

14.Blue

15.Purple

-IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU-

16.Made new friends: Yes.

17.Fallen out of love: yeah kinda

18.Laughed until you cried: no but I have cried until I laughed...

19.Found someone was talking about you: sorta yeah

20.Met someone, who changed you: absolutely

21.Found out who your friends are: yyep

22.Kissed someone on your facebook list: nope

-GENERAL-

23.How many facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them but not that well

24.Do you have any pets?: three dogs 

25:Do you want to change your name? kinda

26.What did you do for your last birthday: spent most of it alone

27.What time did you wake up? around 8:50

28.What were you doing at midnight last night: waiting for everyone to go to sleep

29.Name something you can’t wait for: my 18th

30.When was the last time you saw your mum: Today 

31.What is the one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I was happy

32.What are you listening to right now: the tv but I’m not watching it

33.Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah

34.Something that is getting on your nerves: My family not supporting me

35.Most visited website: Tumblr and netflix

-MORE QUESTION-

36.Mole/s: well I kinda have moles/freckles all over

37.Marks: stretch marks and a scar along my elbow on my left arm

38.Childhood dream: to become one of the tmnt

39.Hair colour: copper brown

40.Long or short: long

41.Do you have crush on someone: I think I do but I’m pretty sure nothing is going to happen bc it’s me lol

42.What do you like about yourself: My ability to fake being happy

43.Piercings: just my ears

44.Blood type: A pos i think

45.Nicknames: Rose Rosie - a friend gave me a few great ones that never fail to make me that little bit better

46.Relationship status: Single and very lonely

47. Zodiac: Aries

48.Pronouns: She/Her.

49. Favourite Tv Show: Brooklyn nine-nine i think

50.Tattoos: none 

51.Right or left hand: Right

52. Surgery: yeah

53. Hair dyed a different colour: no but I wanna

54.Sport: I wanna get back into swimming

55.Vacation: im on a short trip to Canberra rn. but my family doesn’t really do vacations

56.Pair of trainers: a $10 pair of target sneakers that have lasted me a good 3 years but look pretty sad

-More-

57.Eating: most things, but I probably wont complain if I don’t like it

58.Drinking: most things but I dont like hot drinks that much

59. Dream last night: nope

60.Want: To have people that care about me surrounding me/with me bc im lonely and very dependent on others emotionally

61.I’m about to: either watch netflix or cry/sleep

62.Waiting for: school to finish

63.Lips or eyes: eyes

64.Get married: if it was legal and I had a s/o that I felt strongly towards

65.Career: I want to be an animator... maybe?

66.Hugs or kisses: Both 

67.Shorter or taller: taller?

68.Older or younger: idk im the youngest in my group in school

69.Nice arms or nice stomach: arms definitely i want them biceps to FLEX BABY

70.Sensitive or loud: both dammit

71. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

72.Troublemaker or hesitant: bit of both

73.Kissed a stranger: sorta

74.Drank hard liquor: a sip

75.Lost glasses/contacts: No

76.Turned somebody down: Yeah but they weren’t being serious

77. Broken somebody’s heart: Maybe???

78.Had your heart broken: too many times

79.Been arrested: Nope

80.Cried when somebody died: Yep

81: Fallen for a friend:…ALL THE TIME

-Do you believe in-

82.Yourself: I wish

83.Miracles: Yeah, I mean my friends are all friggin magic

84. Love at first sight: to an extent but I wouldn’t call it love

85.Santa Claus: until I was five 

86.Kiss on the first date: still haven’t ever gotten to a proper date so like??

87.Angels: not really. but If they did I doubt they would be watching over us

88. Magic in a young girl’s heart: nah, but there’s a sorta magic in kids and people around us.

89.Current best friend’s name: ugh idk. I would call them my best friend but I have so many issues with friends right now and I cant tell if they hate me or what bc my brain is being stupid rn. but I do have someone I love that makes it a little easier.

90. Eye colour: Brown I guess

91. Favorite movie: idk 

I tag: anyone that reads this and is keen I guess... 

[imnotawriter-net]

my a-level experience

At this moment in time, I’m one exam away from the end of my high school life. As this chapter closes another one opens and I’m going to take a gap year and see where life takes me. Before I turn the page however, I want to look back at the past two years.

People say your high school years are the best years of your life. The glory days, the days they want to go back to. Maybe for some, I guess. High school, overall, is a blessing, I’m so glad I get to have an education and that through this system I’ve managed to make some friends for life. In a society where education is integral to your success and value in society, I am well aware of the privilege I have.  And yet... Here we are. The past two years have been the worst and best of my life. I got to visit Rome, the place my myth geek self has wanted to visit forever. I visited Italy for the first time the year before that, I met one of my favourite authors Tomi Adeyemi at a book signing. Even the small things like building new friendships and forming closer ones with the friends I already had were really special to me.

With my GCSE’s done, I was a really happy optimistic person. Two years on I had a massive breakdown sometime before Christmas, the pressure of exams and university had become a constricting chain on my chest. I think that was the real moment when I knew something was up, of course, I could see it before but I really felt it all come to the surface. I have never felt so upset as I felt in those dark winter months when failure became a name imprinted in my mind, burning bright whenever I shut my eyes. That time could have been a catalyst for me to get help but I didn’t. Although I felt lighter confessing how I felt, I began to bottle up my emotions and now I'm in the same position. I’ve never seen so many depressed people as in these two years of school. It’s heartbreaking to watch people slowly deteriorate, the world appears to lack colour as we struggle to put things into perspective, these grades we get have a ridiculous amount of impact on us whether we like to admit it or not.

Nobody should ever have to feel like that, just to get some grades. The only question I'm left with is why does the system work so badly and how can we fix it. This isn’t an isolated incident, people across the country are struggling to cope with A-Levels. The only thing I can take from these two years is a heightened sense of anxiety and detachment. It can’t be the norm for people to fall into such a low state in education. Education should be about real learning and developing ourselves for the better. Another thing, our society as a whole is tragically and catastrophically misled in thinking that creative careers should be disregarded and even looked down upon. A life in economics or science isn’t necessarily what people want or are most talented at. People instead of following their dreams, forgo their talents to pursue more accepted careers and we are worse off because of it.

A Levels are not the end of the world, and yet it can feel like it when these grades are pushed to be the only way people can be successful. Instead, maybe we should make ways to reform education making the emphasis on true understanding and collaboration rather than memorisation. Learning should be a stimulating and enjoyable experience rather than a constant reminder that you are below average grade wise.

If you are reading this and you are doing your A-Levels just know there is more to life. Although it seems like it is the only thing that matters, It isn't. Life is too short to put so much emphasis on gaining accepted scores. Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg both dropped out of college and look at their success, you are still in college and trying your best. Take care of yourself and your mental health first, 1 in 6 people experience mental health problems every year so you are not alone if you are struggling. Life is what you make of it I trust that you will be successful, you should trust in yourself too.

Need help? 

Contact

Papyrus - help for anyone under 35 struggling with mental health

helpline: 0800 068 41 41

papyrus-uk.org

Samaritans

24-hour helpline: 116 123 (freephone) jo@samaritans.org  samaritans.org Freepost RSRB-KKBY-CYJK, Chris, PO Box 90 90, Stirling, FK8 2SA. Emotional support for anyone feeling down, experiencing distress or struggling to cope.

- Jupiter

[deadcactuswalking]

I’M UPSET - THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2018

The popular music in America of 2018 was somehow both chaotic and dreary and monotonous as hell at the same time. Constant album bombs and additional rule changes to the charts made the Hot 100 increasingly irrelevant – as if it wasn’t already, and to be honest, I didn’t hate as much of it as I thought I would – in fact, I have since learned to appreciate what little upbeat pop gems we had this year instead of observing it as just a dark, moody year full of mindless egotistical trap-rap... which it definitely was, for the record, I mean, there’s a reason I talk about the UK Top 40 more because the US’ charts seemed a tad painful to keep up with, just going off of exhausted recounts I’ve seen on YouTube and Twitter this whole year. Am I going to preface this with anything more interesting? No, because frankly I don’t think 2018 really deserves it. Let’s just talk about some ground rules.

I am using the predicted year-end top 125 posted in the Pulse Music forum by MikesMusicReviews to determine what a “hit song of 2018” is. Songs that made it into the top 10 during the charting year (December 2017 to November 2018) count as well.

This is the worst list, and it will be posted first. Hopefully I can get the best list out soon, and the list that will count down my picks for the top 5 best and top 5 worst United Kingdom-exclusive hit songs will be out somewhere in the first quarter of the year, I imagine, but don’t expect it too soon.

If this comes out on a Sunday, REVIEWING THE CHARTS will be postponed, obviously.

Finally, this is simply my opinion and I don’t consider myself highly as a music critic. This is just a silly little hobby of mine. Nevertheless, we’re counting down...

THE TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2018

DISHONOURABLE MENTIONS

Now, let’s get rid of the Dishonourable Mentions first, before getting into the real stinkers, from most bearable to least bearable:

“Pray for Me” – Kendrick Lamar featuring the Weeknd – Actual Billboard Year-End Placement: #40 – Peak: #7

Yeah, I understand why a lot of people like this, and it’s really inoffensive for the most part, but that high-pitched vocalising really gets on my nerves.

“Love Lies” – Khalid and Normani – Year-End: #19 – Peak: #9

This is the worst Khalid song I’ve heard, mostly because the melody is so monotone. I like Normani on here, but ripping off the melody from a Post Malone song that was never good in the first place isn’t exactly the first thing I’d consider for my Love, Simon soundtrack hit.

“Bad at Love” – Halsey – Year-End: #27 – Peak: #5

I’m more forgiving of Halsey than I feel I should be because this one is... confusing, I guess, would be the best word for it? Maybe it’s just her vocals – I’ve never been a fan of how they sound in the first place, and they’re definitely strained on here.

“Beautiful” (remix) – Bazzi featuring Camila Cabello – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #30

Eh. Snoop Dogg and Pharrell did it better about a decade and a half ago.

“King’s Dead” – Kendrick Lamar and Jay Rock featuring Future and James Blake – Year-End: #79 – Peak: #21

This song exists to remind us that our dream collaborations we hope of are probably always going to not live up to our expectations. I love all of these guys separately, but they’re clearly negative influences on each other when they’re in a posse cut like this. If you want a better trap song featuring James Blake, check out Travis Scott’s “STOP TRYING TO BE GOD” with Kid Cudi.

Here are a few songs I have absolutely nothing to say about:

“I’m a Mess” – Bebe Rexha – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #35

“LOVE.” – Kendrick Lamar featuring Zacari – Year-End: #50 – Peak: #11

“Bartier Cardi” – Cardi B featuring 21 Savage – Year-End: #61 – Peak: #14

Here are a few songs I’d rather just avoid commenting on altogether:

“This is America” – Childish Gambino – Year-End: #51 – Peak: #1

“FEFE” – 6ix9ine and Nicki Minaj – Year-End: #31 – Peak: #3

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming:

“No Brainer” – DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo and Chance the Rapper – Year-End: #73 – Peak: #5

Justin Bieber saves this track, probably because he’s the only feature without some incredibly dumb lyrics.

I blow the brains out of your mind (ooh) / And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout physically (no) / I’m talkin’ ‘bout mentally – Quavo

Oh, and Chance’s verse is probably his worst, ever, but I am concerned specifically about why this woman is trying to choose between Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper and DJ Khaled’s two-year-old son.

“Boo’d Up” and “Trip” – Ella Mai – Year-End: #15 and #92 – Peak: #5 and #11

These are the exact same song and I have the exact same problems – Ella Mai is uninteresting, the chorus is mind-numbing and those 808s are out of place.

“Walk It Talk It” – Migos featuring Drake – Year-End: #43 – Peak: #10

I’m pretty sure this is like five minutes, and that’s not even the longest song I’ll be talking about in this list. Oh, yeah, and say hello to Drake because we’ll be seeing more of him soon.

“Never be the Same” – Camila Cabello – Year-End: #18 – Peak: #6

Really, this is only here because of that one part, but you know what part it is and it is atrocious.

“I Love It” – Kanye West and Lil Pump featuring Adele Givens – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #6

If this ends up on YANDHI then I think that’ll be the last straw with me in terms of Kanye. Yeah, all the Make America Great Again stuff is fine but if this ends up on YANDHI I am not sure if I can handle the betrayal.

“Roll in Peace” – Kodak Black featuring XXXTENTACION – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #31

You know, I actually really like this beat but Kodak sounds awful as always and X’s verse makes me want to punch a wall.

“All Girls are the Same” – Juice WRLD – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #41

Does this really count as a hit? I mean, I think it does, personally, and the predictions put this high enough, but the song doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page... not saying it deserves it at all.

“The Ringer” – Eminem – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #8

The phrase “chicken wang” is said twice on this song, and I’m afraid that’s about five times too many.

“Freaky Friday” – Lil Dicky and Chris Brown – Year-End: #55 – Peak: #8

I still absolutely despise this song and on my first draft of the list, this was actually in the top four, but I really do not care enough about Lil Dicky to rip into this. Also, Chris Brown was sentenced to jail for six months because he illegally owned a monkey, so I guess I get my justice in the end... although he probably won’t serve a day of that sentence.

“I’m Upset” – Drake – Year-End: #86 – Peak: #7

Man, Drake was so close to having four consecutive songs on this list. Yep, you just read that correctly, in fact:

#10

#10 – “In My Feelings” – Drake 

Produced by TrapMoneyBenny & Blaqnmild – from the album Scorpion – Year-End: #9 – Peak: #1 for ten weeks

#9

#9 – “Nonstop” – Drake 

Produced by Tay Keith – also from the album Scorpion – Year-End: #52 – Peak: #2

#8

#8 – “Yes Indeed” – Lil Baby featuring Drake 

Produced by Wheezy – from the album Harder than Ever – Year-End: #25 – Peak: #6

Listen, I don’t hate Drake at all. In fact, I think he’s very talented as a rapper, and he clearly has a lot of interesting musical visions, although he definitely needs someone like the Weeknd to fully realise them, because nobody was asking for a 90-minute, 25-track long double album from the dude, that landed all of his tracks on the Hot 100, meaning combining his album tracks as well as “Walk It Talk It” and “Yes Indeed” gave him over a quarter of the Hot 100 all to himself, which is just absolutely insane. I will be talking more about the album, and to an extent, “In My Feelings”, on my best list, but for now let’s just explain what’s wrong with these three songs, from least to most interesting, starting with what is technically a Lil Baby track, “Yes Indeed”. Now, who’s Lil Baby? Well, he tells you straight off the bat in his verse:

Wah-wah-wah, b****, I’m Lil Baby

Yeah. That’s how he ends it too, like that’s supposed to be the impressive final punchline of the verse before it goes into the hook, but it doesn’t work at all because it’s one of the weakest and most pathetic excuses for a punchline or witty line I’ve ever heard in rap. Wait, oh, I’ve misheard it?

Wah-wah-wah, b****, I’m the baby

Let’s just move on to Drake because I’m sick of this Young Thug clone (who, by the way, deserves way more success than he gets and especially way more than the two clowns that bit his style hard, whilst lacking all of the charisma and interesting characteristics and quirks Thugger had). I saw a comment on r/HipHopHeads that said the line that convinced them Lil Baby was the “real deal” was this line, from the song we’ve got on our list:

Cartier glasses, I won’t even peek at you / Yellow Ferrari like Pikachu

Does that wordplay sound any familiar to you? If it does, well...

My diamonds, they say, “Pikachu”, they say, “Pikachu” / I’m a boss, I walk through the club and just peek at you – Young Thug, “Picacho”

Yup. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about Lil Baby and in turn, the quality of this song, then I don’t know what will. Oh, and if you’re wondering about the beat to the song, I can’t tell you much about it because it’s so swamped out with bass that I can barely hear it. I’m pretty sure there’s a flute in there somewhere? I can’t really say, but what I can say is that Drake phoned this in clearly, because while he’s still better than Lil Baby, his verse transitions so abruptly into Baby. I swear, it’s like they made this in 10 minutes – and knowing rappers like Lil Baby, they probably did. Speaking of songs that are essentially just bass, I mean, that’s Tay Keith’s gimmick – he makes those simplistic bassy instrumentals that fuse trap skitters with classic Memphis rap, and he is actually pretty good at it, until you realise all of his beats sound the same, and never really work unless you’ve got the right rapper on it. Case in point, “Nonstop”. The main point of Tay Keith’s beats are that they are fast-paced, evil and menacing, hence they worked incredibly well with 21 Savage on Metro Boomin’s “Don’t Come Out the House”, especially when he brought in the whisper flow... however you cannot tell me with a straight face that Drake ever comes off in the way he intends, especially with this emotionless gangster image he’s playing up this year. Listen, he starts off the song by claiming he’s somehow original and unique for flipping a switch:

Look, I just flipped a switch (flipped, flipped) / I don’t know nobody else who doin’ this

I mean, apparently it’s about flipping from his calm and kind to his aggressive side, but that doesn’t make much sense considering the song before this one on the album is also rather a straight rapping track.

Bodies start to drop, ayy, hit the floor

Listen, man, the only body hitting the floor while you’re around is Jimmy if he accidentally steps out of wheelchair. Oh, and some of this is a subliminal Kanye diss, but their beef is confusing enough anyway, so just watch a Genius video or something, I’d rather focus on right after the verses, a Mack Daddy Ju sample comes in of just one line from one of his songs repeated and that’s apparently a chorus... yeah, no, this is immensely lazy. The only part where Drake tries here is in the second verse, and that’s not because his flow and delivery picks up and becomes Sheck Wes levels of energetic, no, it’s because he makes this corny pun that you know he’s secretly proud of.

Bills so big, I call ‘em Williams, for real

Although, we could have it worse – he could be trying too hard.

TrapMoneyBenny, this s*** got me in my feelings, yeah / Got to be real with it, yeah

The main problem with “In My Feelings” is how much it asks of the listener to take in at once without ever letting itself loose. I really enjoy glitchy and scattered music, and I think Drake and his producers are attempting to make a bounce record that is as all over the place as possible without any consideration for a cohesive melody or hook to grasp onto. It’s not like “Wonderful Christmastime” where the fact that everything is a hook makes the song endearing, but instead, the fact that everything is its own chorus makes it just irritating to listen to. Even when listening to McCartney’s trainwreck of a festive bop, you know what to focus on: that opening echoing synth line and Paul’s pathetically weak vocals. Drake? Well, he’s not sure, so he throws everything at the wall until he finds something that might stick and just runs with it – he finds three of those, and we’ll be deep-diving into what they are.

First of all, the actual chorus – everyone knows it, it’s the focal point of whatever dance challenge was involved in promoting this song. While the song seems to start minimally with a hypnotic piano line, it actually kind of tricks you and instead catapults some record scratches, aggressive vocal samples, a siren sound, 808s and Drake at you, when you’re not ready to appreciate any of it, but then Drake seems to kind of freestyle this kind of repetitive hook that he thinks is really good, but there’s these “let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” ad-libs that clutter everything, making the hook not as stable as Drake wants it to be. Remember those later. Drake soon ditches the chorus, instead going for a tension-raising verse where Drake just kind of rambles over a constantly-changing beat that just adds elements whenever they feel like it, before he starts a flow that works... until the hook just comes in again, because it’s the only thing that he can really grasp, before he gets interrupted by City Girls and their chopped-up vocals, which, admittedly, are pretty awesome isolated with just the jackhammer 808s, although then they chop up both the Magnolia Shawty sample that we heard before and the chorus at the same time and it just gets too much to keep up with. What do we focus on? Is Magnolia Shawty responding to Drake? Why is Lil Wayne here? Both of the samples kind of have an unhinged chemistry together but then Drake stops any of that from developing before the song gets too experimental, repeating the intro and letting some bongos come in or something, for no reason, until they fade out and leave just a sample from that Atlanta TV show? And that’s even cut off before it ends!

This song would work if it were an upbeat party jam but it’s just way too dark and quiet for that to work, instead it’s just an onslaught of elements that could potentially make a good song, but they’re so hastily put together that the final product is a mess of unfinished ideas, that somehow stayed at the top spot for ten weeks. Hell, this recount of the song’s events probably made no logical sense or cohesiveness because it’s way too much to reasonably keep up with and is always edging for a climax, like it’s one step closer to the edge and it’s about to break, but it just ends up repeating itself. At least this one’s kind of funny in its incompetence, unlike “Nonstop” which is painfully boring and “Yes Indeed” which is a waste of studio time. I seriously hope Lil Baby goes away next year because he adds nothing to already dystopian wastelands of instrumentals. Now we have spent way too much time talking about Drizzy. Let’s talk about someone else.

I’m just being real, my s*** look--

#7

Now, I see a lot of people bring up how the most popular artists of 2018 were “problematic” and awful people, and I mean, yeah, you’re right, but who cares? There have always been terrible and insensitive people in the music industry, because they’re going to be there in every sector of the industry, naturally. If they come to light, it’s mostly because with the Internet you have easier access than ever to someone’s mistakes, and with that becomes ever-growing popularity which, in all honesty, these people who complain about them are only perpetuating. And with that, I present to you Exhibit A:

N****s iffy, uh, blicky got the stiffy, uh

#7 – “GUMMO” – 6ix9ine 

Produced by Pi’erre Bourne – from the mixtape DAY69 – Year-End: #56 – Peak: #12

I don’t care what anyone says as a rebuttal because I am telling you a fact – the people who hate 6ix9ine are making him popular, you know it and he knows it. Sure, he may be locked up for a long time now, but that doesn’t really take away the 316 million views the video for this got off of some people legitimately enjoying this and a whole lot more of the memes. This kid ate more Skittles than his mum told him too once and starts throwing gang signs while repeating the N-word like it’s the word “the”, and since you guys thought that was funny, awful or disgusting, you are directly giving more attention and hence obviously more profit to a pedophile. It is clearly controversy and outrage that is taking this song to higher levels than just a Froggy Fresh-like situation (who, by the way, never charted this high, or at all), and I wouldn’t be complaining if the song was any good, but it really isn’t.

I’ve liked some of Tekashi’s stuff before, hell, I’ve even tried to defend my fondness towards tracks like “STOOPID” and “KIKA” on my weekly chart review show, but the reason those tracks work is because of how the production backs up 6ix9ine’s screaming or yelling delivery, with his simplistic flows being intensified due to how the instrumentals build up (also they have features to break the monotony). I may not be a fan of “TATI” or even “WAKA” all that much but even in songs like those you can tell he has a grip on this kind of sound and how he can make his aggressive and rough voice more tolerable against less intense but still powerful and propelled production. Since this is early in his career, however, he doesn’t yet understand how you cannot simply scream profanity and violent lyrical content over a Playboi Carti type-beat and call it a day. It doesn’t fit his style at all and I don’t get why at any point he could get this beat from Trippie Redd DM’ing him and think, “yeah, I can just yell over this and the beat will totally correlate!” The beat starts with a pretty hellish intro where 6ix9ine echoes before some gunshots, the classic “SCUM GANG!” catchphrase, and eventually the beat starts, with this high-pitched child sample saying “I’ll see y’all water, suu-woo!” – seriously, why can none of these rappers do an intro well this year? Oh, and the lyrical content is pretty disgusting, in fact, too disgusting for me to really put here, although, can we stop kicking women out of doors?

Man, that’s really all I use her for, then I kick her out the door

We don’t have any evidence to really believe this as parody or exaggeration, and Tekashi says this in a handful of other songs, so it’s safe to assume this is just violent and misogynistic, right? Sigh... Let’s just thank God this dude can’t release music for a while, unless, of course...

You know you like a n****’s Schmoney dance, you gon’ love a n**** when I swerve out – Bobby Schmurda on 6ix9ine’s “STOOPID”

Oh, no. Please, no.

Scum Gang...

#6

Oh, speaking of misogynists, here’s three dudes without a Wikipedia page and their more popular counterparts making a reggaeton song, and let’s naturally try and get rid of the language barrier here, by using a translation, but if I get any details wrong, I apologise, translations are never perfect. I don’t apologise for hating this lazy trash heap of a song though.

#6 - “Te Boté” (remix) – Nio García, Darell and Casper Mágico featuring Bad Bunny, Nicky Jam and Ozuna 

Produced by Young Mvrtino, Kronix Magical and Shorty Complete – Year-End: #81 – Peak: #36

This isn’t the last time you’ll see Latin pop on this list, but it’s definitely the last time you’ll see most of these names in your life because, seriously, who knows or cares about these guys? Ozuna, Nicky Jam and Bad Bunny make sense for the remix, but do you know who Darell is? After I tell you who he is, will you really still know who he is? Anyway, this song is six minutes and fifty-seven seconds of pure hell, although the most irritating part other than the beat is the 10 minutes at the start where every single one of them has to get their adlibs in, including Bad Bunny just spouting utter nonsense out of his mouth whenever possible, right before we get to the devil himself, Ozuna, who always, with no exception (trust me, we’ll get back to him later), sounds like a nasal child with a blocked nose who was told he had to make a reggaeton song in five minutes, so he just came in the booth and whined. We have a few sparse piano notes before the beat (that never really changes throughout all seven minutes, by the way, except for when it briefly drowns itself in reverb and has what sounds like an Audacity phaser effect on it for a few seconds each verse) and Ozuna really kick in. Unlike Trippie Redd’s more dynamic, flip-flopping style, Ozuna sticks to one perfect note and pitch for the whole chorus, honestly putting me on edge whenever he appears.

Hell, everyone gets to perform their own chorus, and you can just tell how much care was put into each performance just from that. Bad Bunny sounds tired but at least he’s putting effort into it. Darell is so bored and quiet that they put people loudly speaking over him in Spanish to help us not fall asleep, Casper the Friendly Ghost is autotuned to the point where he’s beyond human and instead he’s a cyborg whose owner bought the Spanish DLC, Nio Garcio barely exists and Nicky Jam is... actually okay. Yeah, him and Bad Bunny bring out pretty good choruses here, and I kind of appreciate Ozuna’s too, but instead of skipping right to the next song as if the last minute or so of just all six dudes talking and making ad-libs and gun sounds doesn’t exist, shall we look into what the translations of the lyrics have to say?

But I know that I kicked you out

Oh, come on, Ozuna—

I kicked you out of my life, and I kicked you out

So, from what I can gather, Ozuna broke up this woman and is phrasing it like it was a drug addiction and he’s kicking the habit. That’s kind of a cool concept, how is everyone else going to add to this unique story? Will they use different perspectives in the story, like acting as friends of the guy who’s dumping this woman? Ooh, I have an idea – will they all use a different drug to act as their metaphors in each verse? Now, that would be cool, but sadly, of course we’re not getting that. These people probably don’t have enough skill to wrap their arms around a concept anyway, and they wouldn’t care enough to go through with it anyway. Instead of going through all of these dudes individually, let’s just appreciate some lyrical highlights.

Baby, life is a cycle / What doesn’t serve me, I don’t recycle

You are the past and the past never comes back / Go to Hell (whoa), my body doesn’t need you (no)

Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you how bitter and melodramatic these dudes are, seriously, they have so much bile for their respective exes that it’s almost a joke. Like, I can’t take anything they say seriously to the point where I start to think it’s satire, but it feels genuine enough, even if they put “to hell you went” in the hook.

Bad Baby’s chorus is so mean, though, it pulls no punches and just insults the girl non-stop.

I kicked you out, I sacked you and let you go, I let you go / I sent you to Hell, I sent you / And I nailed your friend, I nailed her

Jesus... we don’t even know what any of these women do for all seven minutes and the only rapper who really tries to elaborate for more than a vague one-liner is Darrell, surprisingly, who tells us pretty clearly what happened.

With you, putting a condom on is a must / But I posted up in half-court, baby, like Rondo

I understand why there’s such an issue now, because Darrell has accidentally had a baby with this woman and is angry because...? Yeah, actually, why is he angry at her, specifically? He’s the one who didn’t put on any protection; surely you should be showing some respect. What, is Darrell angry that he’s not seeing his kid enough? You know, that’s fine, though, because it shows some kind of primal frustration at the woman, while as the song goes on, you realise that all these recounts are from the same person’s perspective, and they’re irrational before, but eventually, once we get to Nicky Jam’s verse, he’s just reminiscing on the good times and moving on.

I lie if I say I don’t miss it when I touched your skin / I lie if I say I don’t miss it when you called me at dawn

See? Maybe this song isn’t as awful as I thought – I mean it’s unlistenable, but much like “Freaky Friday” at least effort was put into making it interesting lyrically and focusing on storytelling, you know? I actually really like the gradual increase in maturity.

I take the chance of the remix with Ozuna to send you to Hell

...Never mind then.

Ra-ta-ta-ta!

#5

I really love how Young Thug uses his voice. I think he pushes himself to vocal limits whilst somehow sticking to the meter of the trap beat and it always works because he’s just off the beaten track enough for it to be weird and interesting but he never steps his foot outside of the comfort zone because when he experiments, well, he can make some grave mistakes, such as that hilariously awful song that samples “Rocket Man” by Elton John... but guys, what if we had two Young Thugs who didn’t push themselves vocally and don’t have any intriguing quirks, but somehow they got more popular and use the most basic, badly-mixed trap beats to ever be produced?

Run that back, Turbo

#5 – “Drip Too Hard” – Lil Baby and Gunna 

Produced by Turbo – from the album Drip Harder – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #4

I’d say, “Where do I even start with this?” but that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a lot to talk about, because there really is not anything I can say that I haven’t said before about Lil Baby, and Gunna is essentially the same person. Listen, every song these dudes make, on their own or on their collaborative mixtape, is just them pathetically flowing, often slightly off-beat, in their monotone and nasal delivery – with Lil Baby often preferring a falsetto over Gunna’s smoother, reverb-drowned voice – without having any interesting lyrics or actually good bars or punchlines. Typically, they don’t even have more than one notably awful lyric per song, so you always know what to expect from both the beat, usually either a simplistic piano melody or dreary guitar strumming under way too much bass and the typical skittering trap percussion, and the performers themselves.

Let me put it this way: this song is about 113 BPM but it feels like it goes half as fast, because of how the beat never changes or has any adjustments worth speaking of, Lil Baby drags on his autotuned bars like curtains in the morning (which is probably a better comparison than this guy could come up with) and Gunna is empty space on the track; seriously, the dude’s white noise except for the one line.

I feel like a child, I got boogers in the face

In fact, the lyrics are dumber but actually some of the most unique these dudes have come up with, although it does seem rather controlling throughout, if that makes any sense. Lil Baby takes that rap persona to the extreme and portrays himself as some nigh-unbeatable force that has everyone and everything doing only what he wishes them to.

Whenever I tell you to come, she comin’

Soon as I come back, she gettin’ slayed

Yeah, he uses very imperative, demanding words when it comes to providing for these women sexually, but he also gives her luxury as if it wasn’t anything to him.

You can get the biggest Chanel bag in the store if you want it

This wouldn’t be anything special if they weren’t so forceful about it in such an otherwise calm and, dare I say, ambient song? It just kind of fits into the background until Lil Baby gets oddly aggressive in his offbeat ramblings, especially in the chorus, where he threatens those who copy his style... oh, come on.

Every other night, another dollar gettin’ made

If you make a dollar every two days, you are in poverty. Oh, and I believe Gunna kind of tries to make some statement about racial issues briefly.

I don’t want your chain, young Gu-wunna not a slave

Dude, you’re wearing like four chains in the video, so I’m not sure if your point is valid here.

TSA harass me, so I took a private plane

Are you trying to say that you take a private plane because you’re being racially profiled by the TSA? I mean, they just perform more thorough checks on people with heavy loads of money and jewellery, is that the punchline? I’m not sure because he clearly uses “harass” to make it appear violent. It might be a stretch, but if there is any attempt at racial commentary here, it fails incredibly, as I’d expect from these two talentless hacks. Hopefully, this duo sinks into complete irrelevancy by 2020. It’s not like they care, as he says himself, they don’t read comments.

Do this all the time, this ain’t no surprise / Every other night, another movie getting made

Blech.

#4

This year (and last year to an extent), a lot of popular artists who made music that wasn’t rap or hip hop “flopped” for lack of a better word – essentially, pop icons failed to gain much chart longevity with either songs or albums in the past few years, making way for newer artists to stack up hits on hits, mostly because of how streaming is more important now than ever. I’ve listened to the full album by one of the former pop icons that fell this year, and I can tell you that most of it is fantastic, albeit perhaps unintentionally. Love songs dedicated to Justin Timberlake’s flannel are just kind of my thing, I guess.

#4 – “Filthy” – Justin Timberlake 

Produced by Timbaland, Justin Timberlake and Danja – from the album Man of the Woods – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #9

So this starts out as a rock song, and it’s kind of awesome, actually. That guitar riff is undeniable and pretty heavy, with Justin Timberlake’s vocals, although way too back in the mix for my liking are fitting, and we get this incredible build-up with the drums continuing to increase in speed and intensity. It’s insane, and we have no idea what will be at the end of it. It’s like a rollercoaster but you’re entirely blindfolded, so you expect a drop but where? When? Instead of the rollercoaster actually going down, however, you’re just pushed off the carriage very lightly and fall onto a cushion.

Yeah, that’s how the squelchy elastic robot-funk “wub-wub” synth bass wobble feels here. They’re so ugly and almost, wrong, if that makes any sense. Like they’re not supposed to sound like that. It reminds me of my own music that I make where I Paulstretch and add echoes to nonsense samples until it sounds disgusting enough, but this is a professional recording and hence, it’s a lazy excuse for making any interesting synth sounds as the main instrumental hook. Oh, yeah, and there’s not enough to really drown it, we just get a few searing siren synths, heavy female breathing and Justin himself, who is pretty awful, as I expected, vocally, because he just kind of talks rhythmically? I can’t call it rapping but it’s definitely not a real melody. The main thing that annoys me about this song is for the last minute and half, it’s a fantastic song. It finally lets itself go insane, as the searing siren synth starts to glitch out, you can barely hear Justin under the pitched-down echoing backing vocals (some of which sound like Eminem, honestly), and the wobble bass kind of dissipates, instead leading with that chopped-up guitar from earlier, before calming down and slowing down, fading out into a strong bass backing up a tropical landscape for uncredited vocalist Jessica Biel to speak over. It’s actually really cool for a brief period of time... but the song’s five minutes.

If you know what’s good...

He repeats this in the rock sections as if it’s leading up to something but it just ends up being an incomplete sentence as it abruptly goes from him screaming that to him “rapping” this line:

Haters gon’ say it’s fake... so real

This means nothing. Haters are going to say Justin Timberlake is fake, so you respond with “So real”. Isn’t that just a non-sequitur? Hell, it’s not even a sentence. Are you missing a “but it is” or “but I am”? Justin, actually, what’s with all the pointless rap references?

I guess I got my swagger back

Yeah, that’s from JAY-Z.

Your friends, my friends, and they ain’t leaving ‘till six in the morning

And that’s from Snoop Dogg, clearly. Is Justin trying to appeal to the modern teenage crowd who are into hip-hop by mentioning... old rap songs from aging rappers who are having an equally hard time trying to stay relevant? Man, and I thought Timbaland could help you, hell, he’s been working with Ski Mask the Slump God recently. Yeah, sorry, I love a lot of Justin’s other stuff and even Man of the Woods appealed to me in an odd way, but this is just a clunky, dated mess. That last 90 seconds should have been released as the lead single, even though it wouldn’t have been played on the radio – not like this was, anyway, and I’m glad it just came and went.

Look closer, through the trees. Do you see it?

#3

Now, let’s get into the true stinkers, the top three worst hit songs of one of the most dreadful years in pop music history I’ve ever experienced. All three of these songs are borderline unlistenable, so I might as well introduce them all at once, but, no, let’s go in on them one-by-one, starting with the last trap song that’ll end up on this list, and it’s by a guy who I’ve actually loved a lot of material from this year. You’ll see him twice or more on my best list, and I think he is a really talented singer and songwriter, with a knack for really catchy melodies, but... man, this song really fell apart, didn’t it?

#3 – “I Fall Apart” – Post Malone 

Produced by Illangelo – from the album Stoney – Year-End: #39 – Peak: #16

I like Post Malone, I really do, but when he’s at his worst, he is unbearable, especially because of how grating his voice can be when he warbles whilst drowned in both autotune and the immense reverb that he decides to use, in fact, I’m pretty sure all of his songs are 70% reverb effects – and lucky me, this song is basically just him moaning for painful stretches of time drowned in reverb, because that’s the chorus. It starts with multi-tracked Post Malones crooning the title before a slight piano comes in that is only there for seemingly no reason before the actual verse and guitar comes in, where Post Malone just kind of yells over a heavy acoustic guitar lick, with “yeah” ad-libs that make me think my headphones are broken with how far they are back into the mix. All the lyrics are just pure melodrama, but the pre-chorus where he’s “taking these shots like Novacane” show my main problem with the song. It tries to be an intense, heartbroken track, but it’s too quirky to work like that.

His diction is pretty bad, so he’s mostly strangely mumbling his shouted lines in a way that makes it able to hear but also painful because of his high-pitched, obviously very immature voice, and then the chorus comes in, with him shouting “oooh, I fall apart” over a way too upbeat drop, with rapid 808s that are deep and cover out any of the trap skitter, making any dark ideas with the drum pattern irrelevant and just completely inaudible, mostly because of the chirpy pitched-up vocal samples being sprayed over Post Malone’s simplistic melody with a reverb-coated delivery that is hard to listen to. Oh, and these light gliding pianos come in for the second verse, and then, we kind of find the main point of the song in that verse:

Feelin’ like I sold my soul / Devil in the form of whore, devil in the form of whore

This song is bipolar, and it’s not as intentional as it initially seems – you see, this primal release right here should be powerful because it is Post Malone at the breaking point, where he gives up trying to reason with himself, disregarding his ex after the break-up as the devil because of how heartbroken he is... it doesn’t work when the song is happy. The instrumental is chirpy and actually just kind of pretty, especially for 2018, with those nice kicks and the piano melody and vocal sample being way too high-pitched and light to really give off any “depressed” or “broken” vibe. It’s just an unfinished instrumental for Post Malone to whine over, and you know what, that could have been beautiful, but since we have no reason to believe this bipolar song structure is on purpose other than the bridge (which, admittedly, is actually pretty cool, but not enough to completely retcon my theory), we’re just here to observe Post Malone being a bit of a jerk towards someone we don’t know anything about. Like “Te Boté”, all we know is that they broke up and we’re supposed to feel sorry for the man. Yet “I Fall Apart” had kegs full of potential, and that outro with the swirling chiptune-like synth really should have been happening throughout the song, as that’s where the intentional juxtaposition is evident. Otherwise, it just sounds really unpleasant, but, hey, at least Post Malone isn’t that much of an awful human being. Sure, he’s said some stuff that turned me off him at first in a couple interviews, but overall he doesn’t seem too bad...

#2

Disclaimer – Some more sensitive topics will be touched on in this segment. If you feel like you will not be okay reading about you-know-who and his abuse charges, skip to #1 – skim-read if you wish, but definitely do not click the page I have linked in my explanation of why I do not like this song.

Okay, now, listen, I know people have been awful in the music industry before and I brought this up while talking about “GUMMO”. There have always been untalented, racist, sexist, problematic and insensitive people in any industry and there have been for decades, and they are now just becoming common knowledge because of how easy it is to spread information nowadays. I know I sound like an old crony saying that, but that’s how I feel looking at charts when I see names like Quando Rondo, Flipp Dinero and Calboy show up on the bottom half, like, who the hell are these people and why are they blowing up now? Well they’re all trap-rappers, of course, and they’re using the innovative musical platform laid down by people like 2 Chainz, Future and Travis Scott, and later SoundCloud rappers like Lil Uzi Vert, to finally get their time in the limelight, but they’re watering down that genre to the point where I believe we have reached “peak trap” and slowly with people like Playboi Carti I think we’re moving into an era of post-trap due to the oversaturation. I remember way back in 2016 when this dude first charted with this nonsensical title and I searched him up and found out he was, uh, well...

#2 – “changes” – XXXTENTACION 

Produced by John Cunningham – from the album ? – Year-End: #94 – Peak: #18

Yeah, okay, well, first of all, rest in peace to Jahseh Onfroy, okay, I was never a fan of him or his music but nobody showing potential and talent deserves to die that early, alright? Now that all that is out of the way, let’s talk about the song itself, which makes my blood boil. “changes” has a lot in common with a Bad Bunny track, “Amorfoda”, mostly in the fact that it’s just four piano notes being repeated and that’s the beat. There’s no drums, there’s no guitar, it’s just that and briefly some strings. “Amorfoda” is even more minimalistic as it’s just simply piano and Bad Bunny (as well as his ad-libs). On the track, Bad Bunny’s lyrics are oddly poetic, and his performance is constantly changing with his flow and delivery never really staying in one place throughout the one pretty long verse. This is helpful as it keeps the track interesting, as otherwise it’s just a barebones piano ballad with an above average vocalist singing a mumbled hook and an excruciatingly long, unintelligible verse. “changes” is just that, except there’s no verse... there’s just a bridge, which is one line repeated six times. The hook is four lines long, the beat is only two notes this time around, the one addition to the droning immature vocals from X and PnB Rock’s boring crooning is some weak, barely noticeable fake strings. Piano ballads work when there’s legitimate power, and the closest we get to that is X and PnB’s harmonised humming that still would have sounded better if you got Kid Cudi to do it. Seriously, if you ever need someone to hum on your song, get this dude.

So, we’ve established it’s cheap, lazy and pointless, as well as mind-numbingly repetitive. There’s only five lines that are repeated for all two minutes and two seconds. The song concept is clearly there but they have no idea how or where to run with it so they just keep on saying the lyrics they have for a while and release it as a lead single (without PnB Rock credited, I may add). If you’re wondering if I’m downplaying the song and there’s more to it, no, don’t kid yourself. It’s both of these dudes moaning over piano that X probably didn’t even play. Now, what about those five lines?

Mmm, baby, I don’t understand this / You’re changing, I can’t stand it

Can I have a “get out of talking about a dead man’s domestic abuse charges free” card, please? Okay, so, let’s not pretend he wasn’t an abuser, he admitted to “F’ing her up” in an audio recording that Pitchfork discovered, as well as, you know, stabbing nine people, as you do. This song is about how Geneva, his ex, is making it hard for HIM despite him being the one beating her. X doesn’t understand why Geneva is changing opinions and attitudes towards him after he injured her to the point where she needs a GoFundMe for surgery (pictures of her eye are out there!) whilst carrying a child, and he has the gall to play a victim complex, and of course it works on his gullible young fanbase.

My heart can’t take this damage

“My heart can’t take this damage”? Miss me with that sadboi poetry nonsense. Ugh. Let’s move on before I pop a blood vessel.

Mmm, baby, I don’t understand this

Good riddance.

#1

“changes” was my definite choice for #1 for a long time. If you recall when it showed up on the UK Top 40, I quite literally didn’t review it at all, and got someone else who loved the song to talk about it, in both respect for XXXTENTACION as he recently passed away at the time and to not spoil my list. At the end of the year, though, a song was released and I came to a conclusion: I can listen to “changes”. It is lazy, aggravating, has irritating lyrics and sounds unfinished... but I can hear it all the way through and not be all too bothered by it. Same goes for “In My Feelings” and “Freaky Friday”, they’re not long and they’re interesting enough, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re any good, and the reason why songs like “Te Boté”, “Drip Too Hard” or “Filthy” didn’t top this list is because there are parts I actually really appreciate in that song, and if anything I can laugh at it, even if they’re too long and they’re pathetic excuses for popular music. My #1 barely counts. It was in the top 40, sure, but at the tail-end of the year, and if anything, this is premature as it’s probably going to make 2019’s year-end list, but screw it, I have to get this out now. The worst hit song of 2018 is “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake featuring vocals from Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez.

#1 – “Taki Taki” – DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez 

Produced by DJ Snake – Year-End: N/A – Peak: #11

Now, “changes” makes my blood boil but really, at a musical standpoint, it’s competent enough. They’re on beat, both dudes can kind of sing, and the instrumental is inoffensive. “Taki Taki” is thre minutes and 36 seconds of absolute torture. We start with that hellish flute loop, which fades in at the start of the song and doesn’t change for the rest of the whole song, staying in the background for the track constantly, only getting pitched up in the chorus or “drop”, for added annoyance. The flute loop itself is painful and I don’t think I can really describe how much it gets on my nerves in words. It sounds like a rabbit with cavities playing a recorder, if you can picture that horrible image. Oh, and remember Ozuna? Well, he’s worse here. Not only does he sound like he recorded his own audio in his kitchen, but his nasal voice is aggravating. Something about the way he says fricatives makes me want to strangle a dolphin – which is fitting because that’s what he sounds like when he repeats the hook, “Taki Taki, rumba!” If you’re wondering what “Taki Taki” is, it means nothing. It means absolutely nothing. It is a nonsense word, but it does rhyme with several other words that Ozuna pronounces awfully, such as... well...

Booty explota como Nagasaki

The booty blows up like Nagasaki. Dude, how did this get through the executives? It reminds me of a Hoodrich Pablo Juan mixtape I heard where in the second track he just spurts out that broke people are gay or something and I question how the hell everyone in his label and heard that and thought, “yeah, that’s okay”. I know it’s Gucci Mane’s label in that case, so they don’t care, but this “Taki Taki” song was a major-label release by four of the biggest mega-stars in their own respective genres. How did this insensitive yet actually kind of hilariously awful reference to the 1945 Nagasaki atomic bombings slip through the cracks, man? Maybe it’s because Ozuna makes any person with sense’s skin crawl, so they just skipped his part. That’s reasonable – and understandable, I mean, I would to.

Hi Music Hi Flow

What’s with the producer tag for the dude who didn’t produce the song, Ozuna? What is the point of tagging this onto the drop? Oh, and Cardi B’s on here, and don’t get me wrong, I like Cardi but she is so non-descript on here.

I said, we should have a date / “Where?” At the Lamborghini store

How is this in any way a clever or unique punchline? This is just filler, and I don’t blame her – hell, I like Cardi for her delivery too but she’s not even that loud or energetic here so she needs something to back it up and, yeah, she just doesn’t. Someone on Twitter brought to my attention that it interpolates another Cardi B and Ozuna song, “La Modelo”, which is much better and leaves absolutely no reason to willingly listen to the song.

Oh, and in typical “Taki Taki” fashion, Cardi’s awfully mixed. What a surprise. It just sounds like Cardi DM’d DJ Snake a video of her rapping the verse with her kid Kulture crying in the background, so he took the audio from that and put it in Audacity’s “Noise Remover” function in order to remove the crying, making there a lot of awkwardly mixed moments that just sound like amateur hour, which DJ Snake shouldn’t be able to replicate at his level of stature and fame... but Selena Gomez’s verse? Oh, honey...

Careful when you come through my way

Is Selena Gomez trying to be intimidating? Because, uh, no. It’s not working, and never will.

My body-ody know how to play

Ugh, I’m not a fan of stuttering or repeating syllables to fill the meter, especially when they’re weak lines like this. It just feels so lazy, and Selena does it more than worse in her short verse.

And I-I-I know you need a taste

Oh, and why does she self-censor these three lines?

When I (OOH), you’re fallin’ in love / Give a little (OOH-OOH), get it well done / Dancing on my (OOH), make your girl want to run

Does Selena Gomez need to keep a squeaky-clean image? She had a video last year where she sensually chowed down on some lipstick, while a song called “Fetish” played. She can’t go back to the innocent Disney image after that, like, come on. If we cancel that out, then why isn’t Cardi censored? She gets away with saying stuff like this:

My piggy bank is hungry, my n****, you need to feed it / If the text ain’t freaky, I don’t wanna read it / And just to let you know, this punani is undefeated, ayy

Yet there’s not much that could really fit there. I figured the first bit was “shake my hips” or something, but does it have to be the same amount of syllables as the “ooh” that replaces it? If so, then that means the second “ooh” line is just nonsensical, unless it’s “hump-bump” or “bump-grind” because Selena Gomez wanted to reference R. Kelly or something. “When I...” What? Trip? Dance? Slip – as in slip off the panties? I don’t know, but seemingly none of these options seem worthy of even censoring, so I think we can call this lazy songwriting instead.

The “subtle” integrations of Spanish throughout her verse are pitiful, by the way.

Porque I am the party, yo soy fiesta / Blow out your candles, then have a siesta / They can try, pero no-one can stop me

I did barely a month of GCSE Spanish and I could write better Spanish bars than this. Also, what’s that last one?

They can try, pero no-one can stop me

Who’s stopping you from partying... or being the party, actually, as you specify?

I am the party, yo soy fiesta

If you’re wondering what “yo soy fiesta” means, it’s just essentially “I am the party” again. Yeah, if you don’t have a good line that rhymes, just give up and say it in Spanish. The worst line is easily the last one, though.

What my Taki Taki wants, yeah, my Taki Taki gets, uh

So, does this explain what “Taki Taki” is? Is it lust? Selena Gomez is supposedly so hot that she can get whatever her instinct is... that’s actually kind of a cool concept, so why is he said completely out of context in the chorus? Does it mean “My instinct is to dance” when they say “Taki Taki, rumba!”? “Rumba” is a dance, so it’s safe to assume that, right? Why are they making a reggaeton song feel like English comprehension? To be fair, however, Selena’s chorus does its job and is actually pretty decent, but then Ozuna comes in to ruin it all anyway, so who cares?

The reason this is above every song on this list is because it reeks of incompetence and is probably the song here that just sounds the worst all throughout its runtime, and all of this nonsense happens over a grating, neverending shrill flute loop, and, yeah, that pretty much explains why this song is the worst hit song this year, at least in my opinion. Hopefully that best list is coming soon, but for now, thank you for reading my incessant rambles about pop music and I’ll see you tomorrow on REVIEWING THE CHARTS. Bye!

Hi Music Hi Flow / Taki Taki / Taki Taki

deadcactuswalking

[underabr0kensky]

This is fucking long but people seem to like when I do these like surveys

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Honestly I’m not sure. It’s been quite a while. Probably Lila, but we don’t even talk anymore thankfully lol

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Outgoing normally. Sometimes I’m shy if I’m out of my element.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? OZGE. Fucking plane tickets are so expensive.

4. Are you easy to get along with? For the most part yeah, but if our views clash I can get kinda opinionated.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? She’d probably tuck me in and lie down with me and stroke my hair tbh. And maybe force me to drink water :P

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Anyone who is intelligent, artistic, creative, open-minded, inquisitive, and likes to have conversations.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Probably not an “official” relationship, but hey. :)

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Ahaha, she knows who she is.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope. I’m so open about it some people get uncomfortable though.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Ozge :). It was about serial killers haha

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Sammy burgers lol”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? I can’t pink really. But there’s one song by Takeo Ischi about yodeling to chickens that I’m pretty obsessed with.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Fucking yes. It’s really relaxing.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Luck, yes, sort of. Miracles not so much.

15. What good thing happened this summer? Well, the past summer was easily the worst of my life. But hopefully this one will be better.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Nah.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I think the universe is too fucking huge for us to be alone.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Nope, but I still remember her name.

19. Do you like bubble baths? Nah. Gimme a nice hot shower.

20. Do you like your neighbors? I don’t know them. But they have cows that I moo at sometimes.

21. What are you bad habits? Drinking, eating/drinking shitty food, and driving like a fucking maniac.

22. Where would you like to travel? Europe. Specifically Germany. Specifically Berlin. <3

23. Do you have trust issues? Holy shit, yeah.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Getting off fucking work.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My smile, I suppose. I don’t like it.

26. What do you do when you wake up? Curse god for giving me a job that gets me out of bed at 5 AM.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I’m cool with my skin tone.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Phil, Trey, Ozge, and Sasha.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yeah, usually after they cheated on me. Bitches.

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes I do.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yep. It’s tied into a half-pony right now.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Emma Stone and Emma Watson.

33. Spell your name with your chin. cvolnnberrt

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I’m into boxing, that’s really it. I like watching football though.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV. I barely watch TV anyway, I’d kill myself without music.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yep, a couple of times.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? I usually just let them go, silence is nice.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Reference the earlier question that asked what my “type” is or something to that effect. Lucky me, I know someone like that :)

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I don’t really have a favorite, but I go to Kroger a lot.

40. What do you want to do after high school? I haven’t been in high school since 2011, but back then I just wanted to go to college.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No, not everyone.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Probably that I’m tired, pissed off, or just sad.

43. Do you smile at strangers? Sometimes, if I’m in a good mood.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? That’s actually hard. Outer space, but I’d love to go to the ocean floor.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My alarm. And a certain person. :)

46. What are you paranoid about? Being alone/being replaced/someone getting bored/tired of me.

47. Have you ever been high? Yeah. I’m not really a fan.

48. Have you ever been drunk? I get drunk a fucking lot.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Nah. I haven’t done any super secret spy missions or anything.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black and red plaid.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yeah, a few times.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My fucking LOCATION.

53. Favourite makeup brand? I don’t wear makeup, son. I’m too cheap for that shit.

54. Favourite store? I dunno. Probably Hastings.

55. Favourite blog? @am-i-evil Seriously she makes really cool gifsets.

56. Favourite colour? Black.

57. Favourite food? Lasagna.

58. Last thing you ate? Mac and cheese.

59. First thing you ate this morning? PB+J.

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Yeah, I’ve won several spelling bees.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? I got in-school suspension a couple of times for skipping detentions that I got for skipping class. I skipped a lot. Fuck the po po.

62. Been arrested? For what? Nope. We almost got arrested for arson once though because we were tossing Lysol cans into a bonfire and watching them explode.

63. Ever been in love? Yeah, I have.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I liked her for like a year, she moved to another county and another school, we randomly ran into each other in Wal-Mart, and we went back to the garden section to talk and ended up kissing. I was 14.

65. Are you hungry right now? Nope, I just ate.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I like them as much as my best friends.

67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook, but I don’t really like either.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr motherfucker.

69. Are you watching tv right now? Nope.

70. Names of your bestfriends? Phil, Trey, Ozge.

71. Craving something? What? A trip to Germany and a shot of vodka.

72. What colour are your towels? Tan or grey.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yeah, I have a stuffed Grim Reaper and two stuffed cars.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Like 5.

75. Favourite animal? Cat. Or maybe snek.

76. What colour is your underwear? Right now I’m just wearing pajama shorts. No underwear, you pervert.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Heath bar.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Black.

80. What colour pants? Dark blue.

81. Favourite tv show? House M.D.

82. Favourite movie? Goodfellas.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? I don’t remember names. I’m not THAT big a fan.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Crush.

87. First person you talked to today? Ozge. :)

88. Last person you talked to today? Also Ozge.

89. Name a person you hate? Logan.

90. Name a person you love? Ozge.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? There always is.

92. In a fight with someone? Nah, not currently.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? None actually.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? I think 4.

95. Last movie you watched? The Rookie.

96. Favourite actress? Emma Watson.

97. Favourite actor? RDJ, Johnny Depp, or Leo DiCaprio.

98. Do you tan a lot? I do.

99. Have any pets? Nah, unfortunately.

100. How are you feeling? I’m good :)

101. Do you type fast? Yeah, 200+ words a minute last time I checked.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes, a few things.

103. Can you spell well? I have won spelling bees. I told you this.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yeah, of course I do.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yeah! They’re fun as fuck.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I have, unfortunately.

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Mhmm. It was interesting.

108. What should you be doing? Getting ready to pick my dad up.

109. Is something irritating you right now? Yes. It’s fucking hot.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? I do right now.

111. Do you have trust issues? You asked me this. This is why I have trust issues you piece of shit.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I honestly have no idea.

113. What was your childhood nickname? “Bob-o”

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yeah, many many times.

115. Do you play the Wii? Nope. I hate Nintendo.

116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes. The chicken yodeling.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yeah!

118. Do you like Chinese food? Sometimes. I’m picky about it.

119. Favourite book? Bag of Bones by Stephen King.

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Nope. I like it.

121. Are you mean? I can be if I’m pissed, but usually I’m nice or so I’m told.

122. Is cheating ever okay? Fucking no.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Hell no.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really, but I definitely believe in mutual attraction/chemistry at first sight.

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? Nah :)

127. What makes you happy? Music, Ozge, food, alcohol.

128. Would you change your name? Nope.

129. What your zodiac sign? Libra.

130. Do you like subway? It’s okay.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Well, I mean. I like her back. Soooo. I guess I’d do that.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Ozge. You asked me this too, fuckface.

133. Favourite lyrics right now? THE CHICKEN YODELING, DUDE

134. Can you count to one million? Yes, but fuck me I’d get bored.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Some stupid shit about my friend having a bad dream when he was rolling around drunk and being loud.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed. Fuck open doors.

137. How tall are you? 6′

138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy. Happy medium.

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette.

140. Summer or Winter? Summer. I fucking hate cold.

141. Night or Day? Night.

142. Favourite month? October.

143. Are you a vegetarian? Hell no, I am damn near a carnivore.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? White.

145. Tea or Coffee? Those are both gross.

146. Was today a good day? Yes it was.

147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers.

148. What’s your favourite quote? “I choose to live rather than just exist”

149. Do you believe in ghosts? I’d like to, but I’ve never had any proof.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “The Russian prisoners who had been incarcerated in this open-air camp were given no food or water.”

[porfirioenserafinakg73insur-blog]

Porsche boxster as first car?

Porsche boxster as first car?

one more thing, i went to work 6:30 am qnd went home with 300-750 at 7-8 or till it gets dark. just imagine getting that much from the first week of april till the last week of november. also, i had to commute to the really rich part of nw illinois to get this much. i stuck with it and was deticated so i ended up being the top of my class.

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SOURCES:

one more thing, i went to work 6:30 am qnd went home with 300-750 at 7-8 or till it gets dark. just imagine getting that much from the first week of april till the last week of november. also, i had to commute to the really rich part of nw illinois to get this much. i stuck with it and was deticated so i ended up being the top of my class.

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one more thing, i went to work 6:30 am qnd went home with 300-750 at 7-8 or till it gets dark. just imagine getting that much from the first week of april till the last week of november. also, i had to commute to the really rich part of nw illinois to get this much. i stuck with it and was deticated so i ended up being the top of my class.

[computersgravity-blog]

This is how cyber attackers stole £2.26m from Tesco Bank customers

Poor debit card security and a “series of errors” in reporting exacerbated an incident that could have been easily avoided.

The inner workings of a cyber attack against Tesco Bank which saw £2.26m stolen from 9,000 customers — and resulted in the bank being fined over £16.4m for the failings that allowed it to happen — have been revealed.

The Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) has hit the bank with a £16.4m fine and said Tesco Bank failed to “exercise due skill, care and diligence” in protecting current account holders against a cyber attack.

Almost two years on from the incident, the exact identity of the cyber criminals is still unknown, but the FCA’s newly published report into the Tesco Bank attack details how hackers were able to make off with over £2m over the course of 48 hours in November 2016.

The attack started at 02:00 on Saturday, 5 November 2016; by 04:00, Tesco Bank’s fraud analysis and detection system started sending automatic text messages to the bank’s personal current account holders asking them to call about “suspicious activity” on their accounts, which is how the bank itself first became aware of the attack.

SEE : HACKERS PLANTED CREDIT CARD STEALING MALWARE ON GOVERMENT PAYMENT SITES

As the fraud attempts increased, the calls quickly overwhelmed Tesco Bank’s fraud prevention line. Although Tesco Bank’s controls stopped almost 80 percent of the unauthorised transactions, the attack affected 8,261 out of 131,000 Tesco Bank personal current accounts.

The attackers most likely used an algorithm which generated authentic Tesco Bank debit card numbers and, using those virtual cards, they attempted to make thousands of unauthorised debit card transactions.

The FCA said Tesco Bank’s failures include the way in which the bank distributed debit card numbers and mistakes made in the reaction to the attack which meant that no action was taken for almost a day after the incident was first uncovered.

A number of deficiencies in the way Tesco Bank handled security left customers vulnerable to cyber attackers in an incident that was “largely avoidable”, said the FCA analysis of the incident which Tesco Bank had to this point been tight-lipped about — to the frustration of other financial institutions.

Poor design of Tesco Bank debit cards played a significant role in creating security vulnerabilities that led to thousands of customers having their accounts emptied. One of these involved the PAN numbers — the 16-digit card number sequence used to identify all debit cards.

Tesco Bank inadvertently issued debit cards with sequential PAN numbers. This increased the likelihood that the attackers would find the next PAN number in the sequence.

It took 21 hours after the attack began before Tesco Bank’s Fraud Strategy Team was informed about the incident.

SEE: – 91% OF CYBERSECURITY PROS FEAR  HACKERS WILL USE AI  TO ATTACK

Only after what the FCA describes as a “series of errors” — including Tesco Bank’s Financial Crime Operations Team sending an email to the wrong address, instead of making a phone call as procedure requires — was the fraud team made aware of the attack

In all that time, nothing had been done to stop the attacks, with fraudulent transactions continuing to siphon money from accounts as the bank received more and more calls from worried customers.

It was only once the Fraud Strategy Team had finally been alerted that some headway was made into countering the attack. It was found that the vast majority of transactions were coming from Brazil and were using a payment method known as ‘PoS 91’ — making transactions based on magnetic stripes that carry identifying information about the debit card.

This payment method is widely used outside of Europe and crucially doesn’t limit the value or number of transactions — and the number of successful attacks showed that the attackers had acquired the relevant PAN numbers.

Once PoS 91 was identified as the most frequently used channel for fraudulent transactions and Brazil as the location they were occurring, Tesco Bank’s Fraud Strategy Team put a rule in place to block those transactions from 1:48am on Sunday 6th November — almost a full 24 hours after the attack began.

But the trouble didn’t end there: errors were made in the implementation of this rule which made it ineffective — they used the Euro currency code instead of Brazil’s country code — and nobody noticed this until later.

As a result, the number of attempted transactions continued to rise, reaching 80,000 by Monday 7 November — with Tesco Bank blocking 90 percent of these.

In an effort to counter this, Tesco Bank brought in external experts to uncover the problem in fraud detection systems that allowed these transactions to go through — it turned out to be a coding error by Tesco Bank’s Financial Crime Operations Team which had been made when it originally programmed the fraud detection system.

By the time this was discovered, it was almost two days after the fraudulent transactions started and customers had lost a combined total of £2.26m to cyber criminals.

Overall, the FCA found that Tesco Bank failed to exercise due skill, care and diligence to the design and distribution of debit cards, configuring specific authentication and fraud detection rules or when taking appropriate action to prevent the foreseeable risk of fraud.

The FCA also criticised Tesco Bank for failing to react to the incident with “sufficient rigour, skill and urgency”.

As part of efforts to prevent fraudulent transactions, all 136,000 Tesco Bank current account holders had their accounts temporarily frozen, which the FCA report says caused many “embarrassment and inconvenience” when payments weren’t able to be made. Victims of the attack each had their accounts re-instated to the pre-attack balance and some even received compensation.

In the aftermath of the attack, Tesco Bank is now said to have put a “comprehensive programme and significant resources into the issues which made it vulnerable to attack”. However, when pressed on what these improvements are, Tesco Bank wouldn’t give details.

While Brazil has been described as the potential location of those behind the attack, two years on there’s still no information on who was behind the attack — and no arrests have been made.

 SOURCE

[dailyaudiobible]

08/12/2018 DAB Transcript

Nehemiah 3:15-5:15 , 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 , Psalms 32:1-11 , Proverbs 21:5-7

Today is the 12th day of August. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It's great to be here with you today as we cross the threshold into a brand-new, shiny, sparkly new week that nothing has happened yet. And we’re stepping into it and although we don't know everything that will happen this week we do know that our choices will add up to be what this week looked like. And, so, we’re out in front of them right now and we can choose to walk with God, which is what this the rhythm of the Scripture is all about, which why we come around the global campfire every day. So, we’re in a new week. We’ll read from the Good News Translation this week and we’ll pick up where we left off, Nehemiah chapter 3 verse 15 to 5 verse 13 today.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for this new threshold, this new week that we have just stepped into and we thank You. We thank You for the message that we find in Nehemiah, simply by watching his story, watching the way that he interacts and the way that he keeps his purpose clearly before him. And Father, we ask that You keep our purpose clearly before us as we walk through this week, guided by the power of Your Holy Spirit. Come Holy Spirit we pray. We love You, we worship You, we invite You, we need You. And, so, we open ourselves fully to Your guidance and leadership. Come Jesus we pray. In Your mighty name, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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The Prayer Wall lives there. The Daily Audio Bible Shop is there. So, check it out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage and I thank you for those who have clicked that link. If you are using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning Daily Audio Bible. This is Terry the Trucker. I want to say good morning to Brian and Jill and all the crew as I cruise through Nashville this morning. It’s 615, Thursday morning. I want to thank everyone for the continued prayers. I’m 90 something days drug-free. I still have a control issue with alcohol. Not near as bad as it was but I still have an issue with that. I want to call and tell everybody that I’m praying for you and was praying going through Nashville this morning. And it’s really increased my faith, my prayer life, having an opportunity to be able to pray for everyone and their needs. It’s an honor to be able to. You know, just when I think that nobody’s praying for me somebody calls in and says, I’m praying for you Terry the Trucker. It brings joy to my heart knowing I’m being prayed for. I’m heading home to Texas to spend the night and head back out. I’ll continue to pray and to continue to lift each and every one of you up to the Lord. You all have a blessed day.

Hey family. This is Tim in Tampa. I just want to lift up Angel in California. She’s having brain surgery and I just heard her request this morning. Father, we just lift our sister angel before You in Jesus name. And Lord I know that You are able to guide the surgeons. And Lord I pray that You would even just to something miraculous, so that when they get in there they do find that there is really nothing they need to do that’s serious. I just thank You so much for touching Angel and for helping her to get through this situation Lord. And just…we want to hear about full healing in Jesus name. And we just thank You for that Lord. I would just ask that You would also pray for me. I am a consultant, a businessman and sometimes it just gets…you kind of wonder what’s going on. I just cannot do this on my own. I give this whole business to the Lord every day. And just pray for me that I would find favor. It can get discouraging at times. And then sometimes there are great victories. It’s just kind of up and down. So, if you think about me here when you’re out and about doing your stuff, just let me up and just ask that the Lord would continue to guide this whole situation here and help me out. All right. Thanks a lot. You will have a great day. Take care.

Hi DAB family this is __ from the UK. This is a praise report and a prayer request. I’m asking for a prayer request for my friend Kim whose dad has been dying from cancer. They’ve given him a terminal illness and he’s only got maybe two months to live. He doesn’t know Christ but he has taken his granddaughter to church on multiple occasions. My friend doesn’t know Christ either and it would be wonderful for this to be used as an example to show God’s glory with a miraculous healing, which is __ we’re believing in. And a prayer for my friend Jenny whose father only died the other week. And is struggling with her life as she was very close to him. And he was also __. So, I ask for prayer for both of them. I’d also like to give a praise report for my daughter Jesmond. She’s still getting closer to the Lord and He has blessed her with her own flat and in a home that she is __. She’s really blessed and __ at work and so much more. So, thank you for your prayers and I ask you to continue praying. I keep praying for you all and listening to you all. I’m about a month and ½ behind the Daily Audio Bible but I still keep praying for the people that I listen to. So, you’re still getting prayed for now. __ the prayer requests. Thank you family. Bye-bye.

This is Lori from North Carolina, a first time caller. Today is Thursday, August 9th. I’m calling in for Angel from California who’s having brain surgery on Friday. I just wanted to share my story with you. I will be 57 years old next month but when I was 20 I lived in California and was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I underwent surgery but it turned out that the tumor was so tangled in my speech center that it couldn’t be removed. So, the surgeon just took a biopsy of the tumor, closed me back up, and set me up with hospice because I deemed terminal. But in the meantime, as I was preparing to die, the tumor sample was tested in the hospital and then sent to several labs around the country, but each time the results came back that the tumor was benign. I was kind of __. So, I underwent radiation to shrink the tumor because it was putting pressure on my brain and I had been healthy ever since. 37 years and counting. My surgeon wrote in my patient notes that there was no earthly explanation for this outcome and there wasn’t one. There was a divine explanation. The Saints were praying for me and the Lord healed me. So, to bring this story full circle, God had a beautiful surprise in store. Several years later I became one of the first DJs on K Love radio and ended up marrying one of my listeners. God brought the love of my life to be through my voice and I had a speech center in my brain where a tumor had once threatened my life. Now that’s redemption and our Father God is amazing. So, I’m praying for you Angel and I’m already praising God for your miracle outcome that no tumor will be found in you. By Jesus finished work on the cross you are just as healed as you are saved. By his stripes you were healed you are healed and you will be continually healed. And I can’t wait to hear your beautiful testimony my dear sister.

[thoughtfullyjollycollector-blog]

An Immovable Feast

An Immovable Feast

Panda Express will now present company with a reminder of their true good fortune - not the sort that sometimes is available in a cookie, but the sort that comes from the people who love, assist and encourage them on daily basis. That story featured a quote from Stephen P. Warne, vice president of service and assist for Datapoint POS, a degree-of-sale supplier that providers a large number of Cici’s areas. Espresso For Less was founded in Philadelphia as Coffee Serv Inc. The original company was started in 1976 as an office coffee supplier and since then they have grown to become the largest office provider in Philadelphia. One can easily perform a basic analysis by having a watch on information from sources counting financial data, financial reviews, company assets and market share. Not only that, however I gave them a D-, which now, after having them once more, I understand was being good.

If any of the chains was going to supply me three free pizzas, I am glad it was this one. She offers a free consultation, and when we discussed what I wanted she even took the time to explain that I could do all of it by myself if I selected. Would even be a fantastic treat to share with the hubby. One cannot even prepare a meal without this data - oh I forgot we're all eating at quick food eating places so nobody cooks. This information comes through prophecies, visions, and dreams that God particularly gives to a certain privileged group of individuals - on this case IHOP. Individuals with no faith at all most frequently resort to things which can be unheard of resembling killing themselves. I get just a few emails per week from individuals asking me to review products or submit numerous commercials on this blog, usually in change for something. Joes Crab Shack wiki When the little issues get performed, friends will notice it. Wild Issues embrace conventional appetizers reminiscent of spinach dip, onion rings and mozzarella sticks.

There's not sufficient soy or citrus ponzu dipping sauces to soften the tremendous thick coating of rice mixed with the dry imitation krab, agency mango sticks and cucumber. I've sufficient materials since my ebook “Building Private Leadership” to compile another ebook of related group and content. These commercials characteristic over exaggerated and comical violence with the underlining message that nobody's day is hard sufficient to cross up a Mike's. I did not permit for the possibility that chili with out beans may actually be any good. It's a filling sandwich, and tastes fairly rattling good when you cease about three/4's in. The cellphone rang at all three Evansville Spudz places. It looks as if Pei Wei should have already been providing sushi rolls just as most fast-casual Asian eateries do. They are not essentially the most engaging burgers, however then again in matters like this there is only one factor I care about: the style.

I reside close to Premier and have been been to many birthday events there. If in case you have ever wondered why there was so much fats in these dripping, gooey, crunchy treats (those words rarely go collectively) then now you recognize why. Why no cheese for the salad bar? Use Chuck E Cheese's location finder to see where your loopy-fun journey is going to take place. usalocator.org Debra Corbeil is one half of Canada's Adventure Couple along with her husband Dave Bouskill. Semi-fastened prices are these costs the place one component of the price is mounted and the other is variable. Chips, dips, and a heaping pile of wings are necessities for the soccer season. These pumps are used to send water to an area of the hydronic system when it is named for, or to maintain the flow of water in the system. Meat is cooked with mustard, pickles are added, further spread and grilled onions. It is amazing how every of your hubs has greater than 90 as its rating, you've got to put in writing a hub on how you do all of this.

Jody H.'s Review of Joes Crab Shack - Houston (1/5) on Yelp http://dld.bz/dFSUd

— Social N Houston (@SocialInHouston) June 8, 2015

Helpful hub. I feel emotional maturity is a very important high quality. The rub made me think of the flavor particles you'd see on Doritos. Is this a 2018 initiative, or is it something that you just think you possibly can hit this yr? Chromium supplements may be recognized for preventing breakouts and treating blemishes. For extra data in regards to the CiCi's Pizza franchise alternative, please visit www.cicispizza.com/franchising. Is it more profitable that method? Randi Zuckerberg envisions a future of built-in know-how--and that begins with parents embracing interactive tech for their kids in a wholesome method. The airport simply had a major innovation and Delta Airlines is adding more jobs. The 5,869 square-foot restaurant will seat more than 200 friends and can create more than 90 new jobs for the group. Parts located at a distance lower than 1km (zero,621miles) solely will likely be displayed.

[zealousbouquetcomputer-worl-blog]

An Immovable Feast

An Immovable Feast

Panda Express will now present company with a reminder of their true good fortune - not the type that usually comes in a cookie, however the sort that comes from the people who love, assist and encourage them every single day. That story featured a quote from Stephen P. Warne, vice president of service and support for Datapoint POS, a point-of-sale provider that providers a lot of Cici’s locations. Coffee For Much less was based in Philadelphia as Espresso Serv Inc. The unique firm was began in 1976 as an workplace espresso provider and since then they've grown to turn out to be the most important workplace supplier in Philadelphia. One can simply perform a fundamental evaluation by having an eye on information from sources counting monetary data, financial experiences, company belongings and market share. Not solely that, but I gave them a D-, which now, after having them again, I notice was being good.

If any of the chains was going to supply me three free pizzas, I'm glad it was this one. She offers a free session, and when we mentioned what I needed she even took the time to explain that I may do all of it on my own if I chose. Would even be a great deal with to share with the hubby. One can't even put together a meal without this information - oh I forgot we are all eating at fast food eating places so nobody cooks. This data comes by way of prophecies, visions, and desires that God specifically provides to a sure privileged group of people - on this case IHOP. Individuals with no faith in any respect most frequently resort to issues which might be unheard of akin to killing themselves. I get just a few emails per week from people asking me to evaluate merchandise or submit various ads on this blog, often in alternate for one thing. view When the little issues get executed, visitors will notice it. Wild Things include conventional appetizers such as spinach dip, onion rings and mozzarella sticks.

There's not sufficient soy or citrus ponzu dipping sauces to soften the tremendous thick coating of rice combined with the dry imitation krab, agency mango sticks and cucumber. I have sufficient material since my guide “Building Private Leadership” to compile another book of related group and content material. These commercials function over exaggerated and comical violence with the underlining message that no one's day is hard sufficient to move up a Mike's. I did not allow for the chance that chili with out beans might really be any good. It's a filling sandwich, and tastes pretty rattling good should you cease about three/four's in. The cellphone rang at all three Evansville Spudz areas. It looks like Pei Wei ought to have already been offering sushi rolls simply as most quick-informal Asian eateries do. They aren't probably the most attractive burgers, however then again in issues like this there is just one thing I care about: the taste.

I dwell near Premier and have been been to many birthday events there. You probably have ever puzzled why there was a lot fat in these dripping, gooey, crunchy treats (those words hardly ever go together) then now you know why. Why no cheese for the salad bar? Use Chuck E Cheese's location finder to see where your loopy-enjoyable adventure goes to take place. Debra Corbeil is one half of Canada's Adventure Couple together with her husband Dave Bouskill. Semi-fixed prices are those costs where one part of the fee is mounted and the other is variable. Chips, dips, and a heaping pile of wings are necessities for the soccer season. These pumps are used to send water to an space of the hydronic system when it is called for, or to keep the flow of water within the system. Meat is cooked with mustard, pickles are added, additional unfold and grilled onions. It's amazing how every of your hubs has more than 90 as its rating, you will have to jot down a hub on the way you do all of this.

Jody H.'s Review of Joes Crab Shack - Houston (1/5) on Yelp http://dld.bz/dFSUd

— Social N Houston (@SocialInHouston) June 8, 2015

Helpful hub. I feel emotional maturity is a very important quality. The rub made me think of the taste particles you'd see on Doritos. Is this a 2018 initiative, or is it something that you simply think you'll be able to hit this year? Chromium supplements can be known for preventing breakouts and treating blemishes. For extra info in regards to the CiCi's Pizza franchise opportunity, please visit www.cicispizza.com/franchising. rochelle georgia Is it extra worthwhile that means? Randi Zuckerberg envisions a future of built-in expertise--and that begins with parents embracing interactive tech for his or her kids in a wholesome method. The airport just had a serious innovation and Delta Airlines is adding more jobs. The 5,869 square-foot restaurant will seat more than 200 friends and will create greater than 90 new jobs for the neighborhood. Components situated at a distance less than 1km (0,621miles) only will be displayed.

[anglenews]

Premier League predictions: Lawro v Sting and his son

Angle News Sport’s football expert Mark Lawrenson is pitting his wits against a different guest each week this season. Lawro’s opponents for this weekend’s Premier League fixtures are Sting and his son Joe Sumner, who are both Newcastle fans. “Football played a big part in my life growing up in Wallsend,” Sting told Angle News Sport. “The last trophy we won was the Fairs Cup in 1969 and I went to a lot of our home games during that run. “Bobby Moncur was the captain and he was my hero – he still is. “My favourite players are from that era – people like Jim Iley, all those old people. Footballers always seemed much older than me, but now they seem like my children. It’s strange, it is just an age thing. “Winning the Fairs Cup is still the best moment I’ve had as a Newcastle fan – it was fantastic, but we need to win another trophy.” Joe also grew up as a Toon fanatic, although he admits he is not a Geordie like his dad. “You can tell from my voice that I grew up in north London, so it was a strange kind of cultural mix where all my friends were either Tottenham or Arsenal supporters,” he explained. “Most of them were Spurs fans so despite supporting Newcastle, who nobody else I knew cared about, I have sort of developed that Tottenham-style dislike of Arsenal – it is them I cannot stand losing to.” You can make your Premier League predictions now and compare them with those of Lawro and other fans by playing the Angle News Sport Predictor game. Premier League predictions – week 32 Result Lawro Sting & son SATURDAY Tottenham v Bournemouth x-x 3-0 3-1 Crystal Palace v Leicester City x-x 2-1 1-2 Everton v Burnley x-x 2-0 2-1 Stoke City v Hull City x-x 2-0 1-1 Sunderland v West Ham x-x 2-1 1-1 Watford v Swansea x-x 2-1 2-1 Southampton v Man City x-x 0-2 1-2 SUNDAY West Brom v Liverpool x-x 0-2 1-3 Man Utd v Chelsea x-x 0-2 1-2 MONDAY Middlesbrough v Arsenal x-x 0-2 2-2 A correct result (picking a win, draw or defeat) is worth 10 points. The exact score earns 40 points. LAWRO’S PREDICTIONS All kick-offs 15:00 BST unless otherwise stated. SATURDAY Tottenham v Bournemouth (12:30 BST) Tottenham just swatted Watford away last week to make it six league wins in a row and I cannot see Bournemouth stopping them from making it seven. The Cherries stayed unbeaten in March to climb away from the relegation zone and posed Chelsea a few problems in their last match, but I still watched that thinking that a Blues win was inevitable. It will be the same story against Spurs this time. Bournemouth are lively coming forward but under sustained pressure they do not look like they have enough defensively to hold out. Lawro’s prediction: 3-0 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 3-1 Crystal Palace v Leicester Crystal Palace have won five of their past six league games, which has given them a bit of breathing space between them and the bottom three. This is a good time for them to play Leicester, who are in between both legs of their Champions League quarter-final with Atletico Madrid. I thought the Foxes’ 1-0 defeat in Spain in the first leg was an OK result, but I would just be wary about them not having scored an away goal – if they concede next week, they are in trouble. Leicester manager Craig Shakespeare made lots of changes for their last league game, at Everton, with that match in Madrid in mind. They lost 4-2 at Goodison Park, and were so open. If they play the same way against Palace, they will get punished. Lawro’s prediction: 2-1 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 1-2 Everton v Burnley Burnley beat Everton at Turf Moor in October thanks to a last-minute goal but it is going to be extremely tough for them to repeat that on Saturday. Since suffering their only home league defeat of the season, against Liverpool in December, the Toffees have won seven league games in a row at Goodison Park, scoring 26 goals and conceding five. I think Everton’s excellent run will continue – and maybe Ross Barkley will deliver the knock-out blow. Lawro’s prediction: 2-0 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 2-1 Stoke City v Hull City Stoke are having a shocking time, with four straight defeats. I see them bouncing back with a win here, though, because Hull are just not the same force on the road. Only Burnley have a worse away record in the Premier League this season and the Tigers’ biggest problem is that it doesn’t seem too difficult for teams to beat them once they leave the KCOM Stadium. People are asking what is wrong with Stoke, but a couple of wins and they will be back in the fight for ninth place. Lawro’s prediction: 2-0 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 1-1 Sunderland v West Ham West Ham got the win they needed against Swansea last week and they are one of several sides who have got 36 points, and look like they are safe. Sunderland are obviously in a completely different situation at the bottom of the table, 10 points from safety. I actually think the Black Cats will win this game, because they are at home and it is basically the last throw of the dice. It is like a cup final for Sunderland because they have to win it. Like I have said before, though, they don’t just need one victory to save themselves now, they need three or four. Lawro’s prediction: 2-1 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 1-1 Watford v Swansea City Watford were torn apart by Spurs last time out, but they are another team that look like they already have enough points to be safe. The Hornets have won three and drawn one of their past five league games at Vicarage Road, and it is their home form that has kept them out of trouble. Swansea, in contrast, have lost their last five games on the road. It seems a long time since they were on the up, although if Fernando Llorente is fit enough to start then that would be a massive boost. It is hard to see Sunderland and Middlesbrough getting out of trouble so the final relegation spot is between Swansea and Hull. On current form, I’d back the Tigers to survive but there is time for that to change as well. Lawro’s prediction: 2-1 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 2-1 Southampton v Man City (17:30 BST) Southampton picked up a decent point when they came to the Etihad Stadium in October. They deserved it too. I predicted a 3-0 win for Manchester City over Hull last week, and would have been right if Claudio Bravo hadn’t let me down with his late mistake that allowed the Tigers to score. I am going for a City clean sheet again this time, though, and another victory. Lawro’s prediction: 0-2 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 1-2 SUNDAY West Brom v Liverpool (13:30 BST) Jurgen Klopp made a late change against Bournemouth that I thought actually helped the Cherries fight back for a point. Then he essentially left his front six out against Stoke, but at half-time of that game thought ‘woah, this isn’t right.’ He sent the cavalry on with the Potters ahead and it worked – the Reds won 2-1 and could have scored more in the end. Klopp will have to get his selection right this time but I fancy Liverpool to get a win here. West Brom have just started to struggle for goals again and, with no wins in four, there is a danger that their season could peter out. Lawro’s prediction: 0-2 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 1-3 Man Utd v Chelsea (16:00 BST) Manchester United are in action on Thursday in the Europa League and are struggling for numbers a little bit. Chelsea, meanwhile, have had the week off after their win at Bournemouth last weekend – this where not being in European competition makes a massive difference. With United boss Jose Mourinho saying his side’s best chance of making the Champions League is by winning the Europa League, you would expect him to play his strongest side against Anderlecht, who they play either side of this game. I was tempted to go for a draw but, because of United’s schedule, I am going to back Chelsea to take another step towards the title. Lawro’s prediction: 0-2 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 1-2 Sting was impressed to hear that Manchester United fans have used one of his songs for their chant about Henrikh Mkhitaryan. United fans sing “Whoa Mkhitaryan, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, he’s our midfield Armenian” to the tune of ‘Englishman in New York’. “I am very happy about that,” Sting said. “I like to see songs repossessed and refitted for different purposes. It is pretty good too. “As a songwriter I think it is extraordinary the way those chants go around a massive group of people, and suddenly they are all singing the same thing.” MONDAY Middlesbrough v Arsenal (20:00 BST) Arsenal were all over the place against Crystal Palace last time out, but Middlesbrough will not cause them anywhere near the same sort of problems. Palace and Boro are poles apart, and quite a few points apart now too. Laurent Koscielny and Petr Cech could be back from injury, which will help the Gunners at the back, but I would expect them to win this game anyway. Lawro’s prediction: 0-2 Sting & Joe’s prediction: 2-2 Lawro was speaking to Angle News Sport’s Chris Bevan. Lawro v Guests P32 W22 D0 L10 SCORE GUEST LEADERBOARD 150 Elis James 130 Boris Becker, James McAvoy, Tim Vine 120 Robbie Williams 110 Michael van Gerwen 100 Joe Clarke, Osi Umenyiora 92 Lawro (average after 32 weeks*) 90 Josh Franceschi, Goldie, Amy Macdonald, Colin Murray 80 David Gower, Loyle Carner, Nicole Scherzinger 70 Dave Bautista, Sam Burgess, Anthony Crolla, Athletico Mince 60 Rick Astley 50 Martin Kemp*, Charlie Sloth, Laura Kenny 40 Ed Balls 30 Michael Bisping, Blossoms, Full Time DEVILS*, American hip-hop duo Run The Jewels 20 Moeen Ali, Lloyd Griffith 10 Omid Djalili, CFC Fan TV* *Does not include scores from postponed games. Lawro’s best score: 140 points (week 22 v James McAvoy) Lawro’s worst score: 20 points (week 28, but only five games played so far) or 30 points (week four v Dave Bautista) +/- DENOTE POSITION DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LAWRO’S TABLE AND ACTUAL POSITION POS TEAM P W D L PTS +/- 1 Liverpool 32 22 10 0 76 +2 2 Chelsea 31 22 5 4 71 -1 3 Man City 31 21 8 2 71 +1 4 Man Utd 30 21 8 1 71 +1 5 Arsenal 30 19 9 2 66 +1 6 Leicester 31 20 6 5 66 +5 7 Tottenham 31 19 9 3 66 -5 8 Everton 32 8 17 7 41 -1 9 West Brom 32 10 10 12 40 -1 10 Crystal Palace 31 9 12 10 39 +6 11 West Ham 32 9 8 15 35 +3 12 Stoke 32 8 10 14 34 +1 13 Bournemouth 32 7 8 18 29 +2 14 Sunderland 31 7 7 17 28 +6 15 Burnley 32 5 11 16 26 -3 16 Watford 31 6 6 19 24 -6 17 Middlesbrough 31 4 8 19 20 +2 18 Southampton 30 4 8 18 20 -9 19 Swansea 32 4 7 21 19 -1 20 Hull 32 2 4 26 10 -3 How did Lawro do last time? From last week’s Premier League games, Lawro got five correct results, with no perfect scores, from 10 matches for a total of 50 points. He was beaten by singer-songwriter Amy Macdonald, who got seven correct results with no perfect scores, for a tally of 70 points. Total scores after week 32 Lawro 2,950 Guests 2,290 Share this: Source http://www.anglenews.com/2017/04/14/premier-league-predictions-lawro-v-sting-and-his-son/