#and i am conflicted cause obviously fake it till you make it

[thedogsled]

Who Tube (Doctor Who YouTube) is hilariously terrible at the moment. You’ve got new fans being gatekept by old fans and then yelling at the old fans and then the old fans yelling back, people subtweeting each other on their channels “Some YouTubers, they know who they are”, people posting vicious rants as soon as episodes end--lots of really really toxic shit on both sides. Like. It’s hilarious--if you enjoy VERY thinly veiled misogyny on one side and blind adoration for progressiveness at the expense of decent writing on the other. If you listen to these people, it’s not very difficult to see where the canon schism between straight white “geek culture” males and anyone with a so labeled by said people SJW motivation come to blows. They both think the other side is just ignorant, and the constant lashing out is just. Wow. It’s really. Wow.

Saltiness ahead.

It frustrates me a lot, because I feel the show has been really hit and miss this season and the warring on YouTube is just another example of how you just can’t discuss this reasonably. It’s not all bad, but it’s certainly been far from all good. Some of it REALLY works, like for example Ryan’s dyspraxia and the decision to explore Yasmin’s character through her grandmother’s story, but some of it doesn’t. I was particularly dismayed today, spoilers, by James I being played through the lens of modern campness by Alan Cumming this week, turning the former monarch into a queer caricature (I know the guy most from his role in Spy Kids, Fegan Floop, which replays ENDLESSLY on british TV). I feel like a lot of the episodes of this season have been simply the characters thrown into chaos, bad guy is revealed to be an alien, then the Doctor gives a shockingly profound, emotional speech that makes you forget how awful some of the other parts were and you go away with ~feels~ and not much else, because all the endings are pulled out of the writer’s ass anyway. Just. That’s how I personally saltily feel about this show this season, like it’s been platforming for a bunch of different writers saying what they want to say about humanity through the Doctor’s mouth. Like she’s ceased to exist beyond her existence as that mouthpiece, and that in some ways the show has too. (just my opinion. anyway.)

But you can’t talk about this stuff. I find myself reading reviews and watching people who like the show and place no accountability on the show beyond being politically bold, and it drives me nuts. It doesn’t matter what form it comes in, so long as it’s pro-feminist, or it exposes people to history they might not have learned in class, or there’s a dude giving birth for 50% of the airtime. If I want to hear or discuss any challenge to those things, I find myself listening to purely negative reviews instead, and noping out when the person suddenly reveals halfway through that they believe that because men aged 18-40 is a big demographic, it only makes sense that they’re the group that are kowtowed to at every opportunity. Like wtf dudes, sorry you can’t hack that other people exist in the world and you aren’t being catered to 24/7 any more. Fuck off. So it’s no wonder the antis feel Doctor Who lovers are all SJWs and the pos!Who people are convinced that the antis are all racist misogynist fucks. (The showrunners do too afaik, and that isn’t helped at all by Chibnall and Jodie both being SO resistant to negativity that neither of them seem to be soliciting fan feedback that isn’t positive.) Is it hard to ask for objectivity, though? For something that comes down the middle? That isn’t racist and misogynistic, but maybe still cares about how the things we’re looking for in terms of representation are being handed to us? How about, at least, not having to listen to some people who are so entitled that they literally think that Jodie Whitaker shouldn’t have shot out any babies so that she can instead devote her entire life to making TV shows? (Seriously, I listened to one girl who thought that, and you could hear her contempt for people who have kids in every syllable.)

I’ve liked episodes of this season. The Kablam! episode was great, I only had minor complaints with the ep that I handwaved away because I felt like there was actually some dramatic tension. I liked episode 2 because it was idk. A fun adventurous romp and the characters all had flaws. I quite liked Rosa because it had the bones of something better, and that showed through in all the scenes where Rosa’s actress (Vinette Robinson, who was also in the Chibnall episode ‘42′, btw what nepotism how many british actors do you think there are?) interacted with the other characters. 

But they weren’t all perfect, at least to me. Maybe I’m a negative nelly, because everyone seems to be tripping over themselves to scream positivity about the show in their reviews, but I, personally, feel like much of it has fallen flat. When they did finally drop - as they’ve been avoiding for much of this season - the ‘If I was a bloke this wouldn’t have been a problem’ thing, it wasn’t even delivered with a great deal of gravity or purpose. Maybe some people think that was a good thing, I don’t know, but looking at the way sexism was handled in Timeless, for example, and hell, Sliders (which was a trashy 90s show about jumping between alternate realities; or Quantum Leap for that matter, which had Sam jump into the lives of women in the past and experience days in their lifetimes), it’s way past the era of TV to deliver that kind of line like it’s inconsequentially drawing attention to something nobody noticed before, you know? Why is the BBC always 100 years behind, despite playing like it’s the most progressive thing ever? Why do we let it, and say “Sure we’ll take it, that’s enough” instead of also insisting they tell GOOD stories, and not wave their hand and say aliens did it at the end of every episode? I get it’s a time traveling series but the aliens show up and then the doctor waves her magic wand and ~science~ and yes she quoted Arthur C Clarke but she can do that and be powerful and tell powerful stories that aren’t completely...halfhearted, and if you don’t have trumped up stupid bad guys you don’t have to have flimsy solutions for beating them at the end.

We SHOULD be seeing ourselves in the media we’re absorbing. I firmly believe that. I also think, though, that we’re entitled to be respected by that media as well, in that the stories we’re seeing that show US should be good stories. They shouldn’t be concentrating on making as many nods as possible to as many corners of culture as possible that it stops caring about the story it’s telling, because whatever politically correct points it scores will ensure people overlook its flaws. It’s disrespectul, and we shouldn’t allow it, because it means we’re nothing but a commodity, an unquestioning storyblind audience that just doesn’t care so long as our representation needs are getting catered to. That means we’ll keep getting more representation, but a lot of it will be shit, because no matter what we’ll throw up our hands and give it ten out of ten and rigorously defend it no matter what caricatures it throws in front of us.

We should demand better stories alongside our representation. Fandom is so powerful now that we’re being written for, because as a whole we aren’t objective. We engage in mass squeeing, we’re GREAT at giving positive feedback and high ratings like it’s our job to do it even if it’s undeserved (and arguably Who NEEDED that positive feedback this year) and best of all anyone who doesn’t agree can be written off as an angry white dude, or racist, or just ignorant. That’s good for ratings and good for clicks, and networks eat that stuff up because it makes them money. But that isn’t respect, and we shouldn’t be selling ourselves out for a bargain basement price.

That’s my last word on it for now. I’ll probably complain again next week, and I know I KNOW this isn’t a popular pov for people, but I’ve made my bed with that. For those of you who loved it, I’m glad for you. I’m mostly disappointed for myself. And I still think camp James I was fucking terrible but I already know people love him, so what do I know?

P.S. my tags are for my flist so they can blacklist properly, not to force my saltiness down the throats of other Who fans. You don’t have to agree with me. I just needed to vent.

[hajime-isayama-official]

One main arguments I’ve seen from non Jewish and poc snk Stan’s and that will have that one token Jewish person or friend who says they are not offended and snk isn’t anti Semitic or Nazi propaganda. Or say well isayama isn’t a anti Korean racist or Japanese imperialist that’s all been proven fake blah blah blah. Even if it’s fake the series is still problematic stop using that one Jewish person who isn’t offended they don’t speak for all Jewish people obviously-part 1

Part 2 he also named miksasa after a imperial Japanese battle ship and dot pixels is based off of a Nazi Japanese imperialist I think? Same for Erwin I might be wrong that’s what I looked up. I’m personally not comfortable supporting the series anymore for valid reasons but it’s honestly so hard to find blogs like you who criticize the series and author I’ve only found a small amount of blogs who acknowledge the problematic aspects in both manga and anime unfortunately :(

Oh Anon, you get me going here.

Yes, Mikasa is named after a very successful battleship (it’s supposedly certain success if your manga has a character named after a battleship). 

Pixis was inspired by a Japanese imperial general. He died before WW2 tho. Anyway that sparked huge controversy with the Japanese fans, leading to hate messages towards Yams for years. 

German SNK Wiki claims Erwin was inspired by Erwin Rommel, a general in WW1 and WW2 who later turned against Hitler (it’s fine cause he wasn’t REALLY a Nazi, right? no.). Erwin’s Birthday is the death day of Erwin Rommel. However, since I can’t find a source I’d take that one with a grain of salt. The main Inspiration for Erwin as a character is Ozymandias from Watchmen. So only fictional mass murder for Erwin here lol

These points are already kinda icky, but can be ignored I guess. Of course SNK searches inspiration in military. It’s a series about literal Child Soldiers (which somehow is never a critic point on any anime/manga?!). However it’s also full of dogwhistles and even more uncomfortable references. 

My main points are the portrayal of grey-morality on the case of genocide and the way Isayama clearly draws inspiration from Nazi Germany when he portrays Marley. The latter is not per say problematic. Fullmetal Alchemist is also inspired by The Third Reich and carries a strong anti-imperalist and anti-nazi message. SNK however falls short on that till now. I am not Jewish myself, so I can obviously not determine what is antisemitic and only point out the obvious. Plus my knowledge of things is obviously limited so feel free to correct or join in. 

Isayama pretty much paints the Eldians as the Jews of this “mirror world” World War we witness since the time skip. This is clear by the imagery of the Ghettos he shows, the armbands the Eldians have to wear and much more (Short images search should do the job here). The coding of the Eldians as Jewish equivalent is complete with the Marleyan myth of Eldians ruling the world if no one does anything to hold them in control (aka every antisemitic conspiracy ever). But it doesn’t end there. We know from the manga that Paradis island is basically Madagaskar. 

The Nazis planned to deport about 4 million Polish Jews to Madagaskar in the 1940′s. That plan was shortlived and obviously never put into action for various reasons. So in SNK we have the scenario that the Eldians fled to Paradis in order to get an advantage over the Marleyans. The Eldians who are not on Paradis live in Ghettos on the mainland. That’s a weird coincidence, considering how many islands our big blue planet has. 

What I think is pretty bizarre is that Isayama distorts this by pairing this imo pretty obvious real live inspiration with references to Norse mythology. This is fucked up in so far that Norse mythology is so heavily appropriated by the Nazis that many runes are outlawed in Germany till today and showing interest in Norse mythology is still often associated with white supremacy (have a look at Neo-Nazi signs and see the pattern). Like, this combination of Norse and early 20th century German imagery isn’t even a dogwhistle anymore, it’s yelling “I SUCK NAZI DICK AND I LIKE IT”.  The references he uses are  especially Ymir and the paths, that can then be seen as the world tree Yggdrasil:

The tree connects the Eldians and the nine titans which share their number with the nine realms that Yggdrasil holds. There’s some more, tiny stuff, like Erwin being easily interpreted as a reference to the God Tyr (God of battle, who loses his right arm in the mouth of a beast) and Hanji to the God Odin (Losing an eye in a well in the pursuit of gaining knowledge and wisdom). Both of these Gods are probably the most appropriated by white supremacists. When Ymir first turns into a titan it is at castle Utgard. In Norse mythology Utgard is a place in Jotunheim, the realm of the Jotun who the giant Ymir is the first ancestor of.

In general the pairing of clear WW2 imagery and references to Norse mythology is a mixture that is VERY sketchy and should always make you suspicious. Especially since these two are not going together (as in Marley using references to Norse mythology), but against each other. So we have both sides (Marley and Eldia) associated with white supremacy. Another thing that I will never be over is that Zeke and Eren are obviously named in reference to the German words Sieg und Ehre (Victory and Honor) referencing white supremacist buzzwords. 

Then we have the issue that the main conflict is not with the Marley people, who are basically our mirrorworld Nazis. The conflict is AMONG the Eldians. Liberating the Eldians form the Marleyans is not even a thing, because we’re busy keeping two Eldians from practicing genocide/euthanasia on their own kind. So in this aspect Eldians are painted basically just as bad as Marleyans (and we have that “everyone is wrong in a war” Issue again). 

I think in the end Eren’s will to kill everyone will lead to Eldians and Marley people accepting their differences or whatever and leading to unision in the shared enemy (kind of already happens in the manga) and while I think that’s a possibly interesting way to go it’s imo not when one of those parties has been subjected to centuries of genocide by the other. Assistant says a good closure to the Norse Mythology theme would be the manga going for Ragnarök, so everyone, Marleyan and Eldian, dies, except for two people who start the world anew. After all anisemitism or in this case anti-eldian sentiment doesn’t just stop after a world war. I don’t really fuck with this bullshit we got in one of the recent chapters where this one Marley general was like “Oh no, they were only people after all”. Bro, your whole society is built on them not being people and all of that is gone in one day of crisis? *doubt.png* 

There’s obviously more to it than that and especially my understanding of the manga might be a bit off, since I don’t read it as attentively as I used to anymore. At this point I’m so fucking suspicious of this manga tbh. I doubt that we can come out of this with an anti-imperialist or anti-fascist message. 

This does of course not mean no one should read or watch the manga or anime. I read/watch it too as you see. But it’s always good to be critical of the media you consume and take concerns from others serious, when it comes to stuff like this. 

[legends-of-nisty]

Run from Home

Fandom: Fairytail

Ship Title: Gajevy/Gale

A.N.: Hello everyone. I missed writing so I wrote a thing. I don’t think it’s very good and the original idea ended up being lamer than I expected but I figured what the hell, might as well post it. So here ya go. Enjoy my garbage writing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fariytail or it’s characters

______________________

I stand to stretch in the middle of the inning and I have a grin on my face as I watch the clean up crew running with the dirt drags behind them, fixing the infield for the bottom of the seventh.

I love baseball, but more than that, I love watching baseball live. TV just doesn’t do justice to how big the stadium really is. You don’t feel the excitement either or smell the popcorn from the seller as they walk up and down the sections with a box full of the deliciously salty, buttery goodness. The crowd gets so into the game, watching on the jumbotron and listening to the pump up music from the organist. That’s got to be my favourite part too, the organ music. One of the old traditions from when baseball began that carried over to now. It’s got such a charm to it that I absolutely cannot get enough of.

I bounce on the balls of my feet as I finish my stretch, excited for the bottom of the inning, when I turn to my date.

-Who’s still sitting and playing on his phone.

Some of my excitement dies seeing him sitting there. Half the fun of going to see a baseball game is getting involved in the cheering and the other half is, obviously, watching the game, both of which he hasn’t participated in even a little bit.

I quietly sigh and sit back down, fixing my blue hair under my hat again as I had bumped it when I was stretching. I look over at him playing some sort of bird game on his screen and try to smile a bit.

“Hey, you know, it’s more fun to watch the game.” I say softly and he just waves me off then scowls when he dies in the game. I sigh a bit louder this time hoping he’ll take the hint but it doesn’t work and now I’m scowling as I lean on the armrest of the other seat beside me.

“The fuck you doin?” I blink and start realizing I’m tipping the cup that’s in the cupholder of the armrest and spilling its contents into the lap of the seat’s patron.

“I’m so sorry! I- I didn’t realize I was spilling.” I lean back quickly, blushing red as the large man starts to wipe off the liquid that I can now tell is beer. I cringe inwardly knowing that I just spilt a $8 drink.

“Let me buy you another one.” I say quickly as I finally look at the mans face. His expression is less than amused but it somehow doesn’t take away from the immediate attraction I feel for him, causing my blush to remain on my face. He has multiple piercings that shine in the sunlight from the open roof and he has on a baseball cap and a jersey, both with the logo of the Magnolia baseball team, the Fairies.

I manage to look away before it becomes too obvious that I’m staring. I busy myself with pulling my wallet out of my small shoulder bag.

“Excuse me!” I wave, catching the attention of the moving bartender walking down the aisle beside us.

“One beer please!” I shout over the crowd that is starting to get excited as our star batter is up at the plate to start the bottom of the inning.

The server nods and pours the beer into a plastic cup as the money gets passed down to him. The beer makes its way in a similar fashion back to us and when it arrives at the man his expression softens a bit.

“Thanks.” He says and that would seem to be the end of the exchange. I sit back quietly in my seat before I look over at my date who hasn’t changed position. My face falls as I try and fail to not think about how this was supposed to be a revitalizing date for our relationship. We, myself and Todd had been dating for over a year but he had become mean and kind of scary. The baseball game was my idea of trying to get him reinvested in my interest and maybe the relationship.

Shaking my head I try to forget about it and get back into the game, which proves to be difficult but I manage. When our team scores a homerun I jump up out of my seat to cheer and I bump into the man beside me as he was doing the same.

“Sorry.” I say still giggling from cheering and nods in acknowledgment and actually smiles back at me. My heart flutters in my chest as I look at him more closely, His hair is long but pulled into a ponytail at the back of his neck so it doesn’t interfere with his cap.

“I get a little too excited sometimes.” I say blushing and he shrugged.

“Ya paid ta be here might as well enjoy it. Not like that douchebag you brought with ya.” He says back nodding to Todd. I blink a bit surprised at how honest this stranger is being and part of me says I should be angry and defend Todd but another part of me, a bigger part of me, wants to agree.

Conflicted I offer a weak smile and shrug. “He’s not really into baseball.” I say attempting to defend him and the man in front of me snorts.

“Still being an asshole to his date.” He said, refocusing his attention on the game. I want to object further or perhaps get mad at this man but it would seem he doesn’t want to talk anymore and really what can I say in defense? Todd is being an asshole.

I lean back in my seat again and watch a little longer till the popcorn seller comes back and I nudge Todd’s arm a bit.

“Hey, do you think we could share a popcorn?” I ask sweetly, even reaching for my wallet so he knows he doesn’t have to pay and he just rolls his eyes.

“You really want to spend $50 on a stale bag of salt and butter?” He exaggerates and any hope I had for tonight being a good night after this deflates.

“Okay…” I say not hiding how dejected I am and he looks at me sharply.

“What!?” He says impatiently and I pull back shaking my head.

“Nothing.” I quickly say, faking a smile and he looks at me with that dangerous look he gets sometimes and then he’s looking back at his phone and has forgotten about me again.

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and then I sit quietly at his side, no longer cheering even when the Fairies score two runs.

I feel a nudge from my other side and I look over and the big man beside me is holding a bag of popcorn out to me.

“Here shorty.” He says. He’s not smiling but he’s blushing slightly and I can tell that he doesn’t often do this kind of thing.

“For me?” I asked surprised looking at the striped red and white bag. He nods and hands the bag over to me and I take it still a bit stunned.

“Thank you…” I say softly as I stare in awe at the bag. I feel a bit like an idiot but I haven’t had someone do something so nice for me since… since before I started dating my boyfriend beside me. He nods again and I look up at him but he’s no longer looking at me. He doesn't seem like one for conversation but I speak up once more.

“My name is Levy. Not shorty.” I smile a bit trying to get this man to talk to me since he seems so sweet despite his outward appearance. He glances at me and grins again causing butterflies to do backflips in my stomach. He is so handsome…

“Ya look more like a shorty ta me.” He teases and I pout my lip a bit but still with the hint of a smile.

“Gajeel.” He says extending a large hand towards me and I take it, shaking it slightly. He lets go and nods to the game.

“You been a fairies fan long?” He asks and I nod.

“All my life. I love baseball.” I grin and he smiles a bit.

“My old man taught me ta play. Brought me to a lotta games too.” He answers back before taking a sip of his beer.

I find myself smiling and when I look back at the field I see it’s the end of the inning. My eyes are drawn to the jumbotron that has the in between inning entertainment and I see the kiss cam show up and my smile gets wider.

One of my favourite filler entertainment is the kiss cam especially when they show an old couple.

I watch a few young lovers kiss and one middle aged couple and...

...And then I see my face.

My eyes go wide and I smile brightly even though I’m blushing.

“Todd! Todd!” I quickly turn to my date, gently shaking his arm. His phone slips from his hand and falls into his lap and he whirls on me, anger in his eyes.

“What the hell Levy!?” He snaps at me and I recoil, flinching as I wait for him to hit me, forgetting the kiss cam that has frozen on us.

“Oie! Asshole!” Todd looks up in time to see a beer being dumped on him. He sputters and stands up to try and get out of the way but the cup has already been emptied on his head. My eyes go wide and I spin to see Gajeel dropping the cup and leaning down towards me and before I know it his lips are on mine.

Shock fills me at the series of events that just happened but my heart is beating so fast in my chest from the kiss. It’s been so long since someone kissed me like this, soft and actually caring.

“What the fuck!” Todd’s yelling but I’m not paying him any attention, nor do I care that the kiss cam has now moved on, I’m still kissing Gajeel like we’ve been dating for months.

“Fuck you Levy! I’m out of here!” Todd snaps and I finally break away to look at him as he gathers up his stuff and my excitement from the kiss drops off and a feeling of dread and fear fills me. He pushes past the other fans that are watching the spectacle and I blush in embarrassment.

“Get fucked, asshole!” Gajeel shouts and I wince and look back at him, his eyes shift from my retreating boyfriend to me and at first he looks happy, glad that he got rid of him then his expression turns to confusion.

“What?” He says starting to look a bit unsure now.

“Sorry… I-I thought… Did ya not want a kiss? Ya know, for the camera?” He says starting to stutter as he explains himself.

“And he was being an asshole so I thought…” He trails off as I shake my head, smiling and eyes watering at once.

“N-no the kiss was fine, it’s just that… We uh.. We live together and I have to go home to him now.” I subconsciously rub at a bruise on my upper arm and I see the realization flash through him and Gajeel’s eyes light with a fire.

“You mean he…” He trails off as he realizes too the amount of people looking at us. He grits his teeth and stands up.

“Common, let’s get outta here. I’ll buy ya a coffee.” He says and I glance at the field, sad that the end of the game was ruined.

“I’ll buy ya another ticket since that asshole ruined this one for ya.” He says and I look back at him with watering eyes and nod.

“Okay” I say and I don’t intend on letting him buy me another ticket but I need to get out of here. I stand up too and shuffle past the other fans as we leave.

When we get to the aisle I stumble and he grabs my hand to steady me.

“Thanks.” I say awkwardly and he grunts, obviously still fuming, but he doesn’t let go of my hand.

____________________________

A.N.: Thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Feedback is always welcome and appreciated. If you have any comment or questions about this fanfic, another one I wrote, or just me in general feel free to contact me :)

I know this one was kinda bad but maybe I’ll continue it but maybe I won’t, In either case I hope to see all of you in the next fanfic!

[language-rxgers]

Best Boyfriend You’ve Never Had (Bucky x Reader)- Part 6

Summary: You and Bucky share a moment that completely affects your mindset, Bucky tries a pumpkin spice latte for the first time, and an unexpected visitor from your past may spell some trouble for the future...

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Reader, OFC Trish, OFC Catherine, OMC Thomas, {OMC Brandon, OMC Jesse, OMC Ben, OMC Mike, OMC Max}- mentioned, OMC Ryan

Warnings: angst, self-doubt, conflicting thoughts, maybe a few swears

Word Count: 3343

A/N: This took so long, I am soo sorry! Please enjoy, lovelies!

Masterlist

Part 5 (Previous) / Part 7

*not my gif, credit goes to the rightful owner*

Drumroll.

The moment seemed to last forever, the drumroll just rolling and rolling and rolling. However, instead of the giddiness and anticipation you should have been feeling, you only felt the crushing pressure welling up in your chest, every expectation and thought that had flown through your mind when it came to Bucky now whirling around like a rampant flurry in your head. It was too much, too much pressure for it to be perfect, too much pressure for it to lead to more, too much pressure for you to meet all of his own expectations. It was just too much.

Almost as if an electric shock had sparked between the two of you, you and Bucky sprang apart in almost perfect unison, both panting hard. “I’m sorry, Bucky, it’s too much pressure,” you started, but Bucky spoke at the same time as you.

“This is too intense!” You both met each other’s eyes, suddenly breaking into chuckles of relief. “So I’m not crazy for feeling like my brain is about to explode from the pressure?” Bucky gave you an apologetic grin. You pushed your hair out of your face, shaking your head.

“No, that was insane. It was just too much, y’know?” Bucky nodded in agreement. You ran your hands over your face.

“How about this,” the brunette started. “What if we just do it really quickly? Like a quick peck or something to get rid of the pressure?” You barked out a laugh.

“Like ripping off a Band-Aid?”

“Like ripping off a Band-Aid,” he agreed. “And then the pressure of the first kiss is gone, ‘cause we already had one. Don’t get me wrong, doll, I really want to kiss ya, but I want it to be easy and without pressure. I want it to be great.” A deep flush spread through your cheeks.

“Well, you certainly are a dedicated fake boyfriend.” You whispered it more to remind yourself that it was all for show, but it still reached Bucky’s ears. He spread a smile across his cheeks.

“Only the best for my girl,” he replied. You shook your head to clear your thoughts.

“Okay, let’s do this. We’ll do a quick kiss on the count of three. But maybe we just need to do more couple-y things, get into the swing of it first, before we can kiss more naturally. How about tomorrow we have a date-day. Go out in the city, get coffee, lunch, go shopping or something.”

Bucky nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Okay, here we go,” he placed his hands on your waist, taking a big breath and shimmying. You laughed.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting the ants outta my pants, let’s go.” You mouthed out an amused ‘okay’ at his initiative. “One,” he started.

“Two,” you continued.

“Three,” he finished, and the two of you swooped forward, meeting brilliantly with teeth on lips and noses knocking together. The two of you groaned in pain, hands flying to sore mouths. You felt shock shake through you. You’d expected something fleeting, too quick to remember, maybe a little chaste. This was worse than any first kiss you’d imagined with Bucky. “Oh, my God. That was the worst kiss I’ve ever given,” Bucky whispered. You chuckled. He composed himself again. “Retry.”

You shook your head in amusement, preparing yourself again.

“One, two, three.” You both leaned forward again, only to knock foreheads. “What the fuck?!” Bucky groaned out. “I’m sorry, doll, I swear that I can do better, I guess I’m just more nervous than I thought,” the blue-eyed soldier shook his head, an embarrassed smile gracing his lips. You put a hand on his arm.

“Don’t worry about it, Buck. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. I’m nervous too.” You felt a surge of courage swell in your chest, and you took a leap. “Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Just do it, Barnes.”

He chuckled, and his icy blue eyes disappeared under his long dark lashes as he closed his lids. You took a deep breath, placing a hand on his cheek and the other on his chest. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you leaned forward, closing your own eyes in the process.

Your lips met his in a gentle embrace, and in the moment you realized how long it had been since you’d kissed someone. You forgot how inexplicably wonderful it was, feeling soft lips moving against your own, sharing a breath, a thought, a moment frozen in time. You squeezed your eyes tighter shut before breaking away, feeling a rush of adrenaline shoot through your veins at your sudden boldness. Your lips still tingled with the feel of Bucky’s lips ghosted over yours, the slight scratch of his stubble and the press of his nose against your cheek. While the kiss had been unlike any you’d had before, the best part was immediately after, seeing Bucky’s lips slightly parted and eyes still closed in a daze. He was still leaning forward, and his hands were still on your waist, holding you as if he never wanted to let go.

You watched Bucky in anticipation, suddenly terrified that the kiss hadn’t been as beautiful for him as it had for you. “Wow…” he whispered. “I think you’re a lot better at this than I am, doll.” You breathed out a laugh, resting your head against his chest. “I definitely think that I’ll need some more practice.” You smacked his arm, laughing at your best friend as he circled his arms around you. “Okay,” he sighed. “I think this has been enough intensity for one day. What do you say we get settled in bed and watch a movie?” You smiled up at him.

“Sounds like a plan, Bucky-O-Boy.” As Bucky went to change in the bathroom across the hall, you replayed the kiss again in your head. You could feel yourself flushing, a giddy smile undying on your features as your fingers ghosted over your lips. Oh God, if you weren’t in deep before, you were six feet under by now.

“So, m’lady, where to on this fine day?” You hooked an arm with Bucky’s, strolling down the main streets of your hometown.

“Well, this is downtown from where I lived, so I didn’t come here too often growing up since it was such a hassle, but there is one café I always loved to visit when I was in this part of the city. They’ve got these unbelievable pastries, Bucky, you won’t believe it.” Your eyes took in the bustling downtown area around you as you spoke, feeling as though while it had obviously changed, the atmosphere was still as lively as ever. “And their hot chocolate is just to die for. Their coffee’s great too, but I’ve always personally been more of a chocolate fan. Anyways, we can go there for lunch- they had a really good tomato spinach panini sandwich when I still lived here, hopefully they still have them.” Bucky combed his gloved fingers through his hair, ruffling it a bit before tucking the loose strands behind his ear.

“That sounds great, doll. Lead me away.”

The café was still tucked in the small corner it had always been, between a bookstore and what had once been an antique store but was now a wedding dress shop, go figure. You snorted at the café’s new neighbour, walking up to the door. Bucky reached for the brass handle and pulled it open, jingling a bell inside. You thanked him as he stepped back and allowed you to enter first. When you first stepped in, your senses were comforted by the aroma of ground coffee beans and fresh baked pastries, the soft and calm chatter of patrons filling the atmosphere with a comforting separation from the busy streets outside. You and Bucky waited behind a short, stout woman who was ordering in front of you. Your eyes scanned the menu board above the counter, neat handwriting listing different beverages both hot and cold, sandwiches and desserts galore. Your attention was immediately drawn to their famous tomato spinach panini, which was now available with mozzarella cheese, which had you nearly salivating. You turned to Bucky, who was still expressively reading the menu, eyebrows shooting up in interest at certain options and furrowing at others.

He leaned towards you, frowning in confusion. “What’s a pumpkin spice latte?” He asked quietly, as if embarrassed that he didn’t know. You rubbed his arm absentmindedly as you explained.

“It’s a latte- espresso and steamed milk- that’s flavored with different spices that give it a fall-type pumpkin-y taste. Like cinnamon, nutmeg, so and so, and it’s topped with whipped cream and pumpkin purée. It’s a classic fall drink, everyone goes crazy for them because they’re seasonal. Unfortunately, it’s come to be branded a ‘white-girl drink’ which ruins the enjoyment of them because they’ve become so basic.”

Bucky pondered this information, shrugging. “I can be a basic white girl.” You burst out laughing, clutching your chest and stomach.

“Oh, you sweet smol bean, of course you can.” The till opened for you to order, and Bucky once again stepped back to let you order first. You smiled graciously and approached the counter, ordering a hot chocolate and tomato spinach panini with mozzarella cheese. Bucky then stepped up behind you.

“Hi, could I please have a pumpkin spice latte, a bacon tomato sandwich and a bear claw? Thank you.” You opened your wallet to pay when Bucky gasped dramatically and plucked the cash from your hand, shoving it back in your purse.

“What the hell are you doing? I’m treating my girl to lunch, that doesn’t really work very well when she thinks she’s gonna pay.” He took out his own wallet and handed the barista his money, dropping the change in the tips jar without a second thought. “Jeez, (Y/N), you’re gonna make me look bad here.”

You rolled your eyes, but you felt your heart flutter at his action- however minimal, it was very chivalrous. You found a table by the window and sat down, eagerly watching Bucky in anticipation. He raised an eyebrow at you. “What? Something on my face, doll? Because the last time I ate was at brunch this morning with your family, so if you’ve been letting me walk around like a jackass with syrup on my face all morning-“ you shook your head, laughing.

“No, I want to see your reaction when you try a PSL.” You made a goofy face as you used the slang ironically.

Bucky froze. “P-S-L?” He sounded out each letter, incredulous. “What the hell is that?”

“A pumpkin spice latte, dumbass. It’s what all the basic white girls call it, and if you’re gonna be basic, you gotta call it by its basic name.” The blue eyed soldier narrowed his eyes at you.

“Saying I’m getting a PSL sounds like I’m undergoing an invasive medical procedure. I’m drinking a pumpkin spice latte, not getting a lobotomy.” You pursed your lips and gestured for him to taste it. He rolled his eyes and brought the cup to his lips, sniffing it before taking a cautious sip. He smacked his lips tastefully a few times, as if tasting an aged wine, and then his faux-concentrating expression melted away into incredulity. “It’s like fall threw up in my mouth,” he said in disbelief, taking another sip. You laughed.

“So you like it?”

“Doll, I don’t even know, but I can’t stop drinking it.” You watched fondly as he took a deep sip, disregarding its hot temperature, and set it back down, revealing a frothy whipped cream moustache coating his upper lip and the tip of his nose. You chuckled, and his attention was turned to you. “What now?”

“Now you really do have something on your face, soldier,” you quipped. He groaned and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, removing most of the whipped cream save for the bit on his nose. You gestured to your own nose to show him where it still was, and he wiped just under it. You shook your head. “Here, may I?” He simply nodded, and you cupped the side of his face, swiping your thumb across the tip of his nose, wiping off the remaining whipped cream. You wiped off your thumb and took a sip of your hot chocolate before digging into your sandwich, completely oblivious to the adoring look in Bucky’s baby blue eyes.

Over the next week, you and Bucky went on outings every day, exploring different parts of the city. Bucky was never less than a gentleman, holding open doors, pulling out chairs, and always keeping an arm around you in the more questionable parts of town despite your familiarity with them. With each outing, you saw a different part of Bucky, like the cuts of a diamond, which all fit together perfectly to expose the man you now knew you loved. You couldn’t help it, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself it was just the wedding messing with your brain. But that excuse didn’t work too well considering the trip had only confirmed the feelings you’d already had festering inside since the day you’d met the blue-eyed brunette. His face showed more expression and feeling than you’d ever seen as you showed him the parts of the city that reflected who you were, and you saw more and more of the bright-eyed, free-spirited boy Steve had known him as before the ice.

Every time you closed your eyes, you experienced that kiss you’d shared in your room over and over again, and every time, all you felt was a comforting warmth you’d never known before, spreading through your veins right down to your toes. You wanted to kiss him again, so bad, just to see if there really had been a spark or if you had imagined it after building it up so much in your mind. You hadn’t kissed since then, but every now and then Bucky would plant a soft kiss in your hair or on your cheek while around your family.

(just to keep up the ruse)

(don’t get any ideas, (y/n/n) this is all just for show for him)

In the week leading up to your sister’s wedding, you were busier than ever helping her prepare, which meant you rarely had Bucky to yourself after lunch and before 7 in the evening. But he had settled in quite nicely with your family, getting on well with your father and Thomas. The three of them were often off doing “man bonding or whatever,” as your father so endearingly called it. Usually playing darts or pool in the garage- your dad’s man cave, working on your father’s ancient motorcycle, or helping Thomas finish some of the errands Catherine had assigned him. Thomas’s groomsmen, whom you’d met at brunch at the beginning of your visit, consisted of his three brothers, cousin and best friend, and were all nice enough but rambunctious as ever when together.

Bucky seemed to be slightly more wary of this group, often sticking closer to your side when you were all together. You caught on after the first few times he had done this, and you had a good idea as to why. Thomas’ younger twin brothers, Brandon and Jesse, were still very much bachelors and were quite the pranksters. However, the eldest brother, Ben, was happily married and every inch the father-figure of the family, and Thomas’ best friend Max had been around since they were kids, so they were quite good at keeping the twins in line. The wild card was the cousin, Mike, who was not only the instigator of many of the twins’ shenanigans, but was a playboy to boot.

It was hard to miss the way Bucky’s metal arm found its way around your waist whenever Mike was around, the way he’d shuffle his vibranium digits to catch the light and remind Mike to back off when he was being a little too charming with you. You, of course, thought it was hilarious the way Mike’s eyes would shift from smug to uneasy whenever the dark haired soldier did this, but you also found it intriguing that Bucky was acting this way in the first place. Mike’s flirting was harmless; Thomas had assured you that while he was naturally inclined to playfully flirt, it wasn’t serious and he respected that you were with Bucky. You had to give Buck props though, he was really killing the whole ‘jealous boyfriend’ thing. Last week’s ‘dates’ had certainly paid off for getting the fake relationship down to a T. This thought occurred to you with a fleeting reminder of the impermanence of this arrangement.

At this point, you were in so deep with these impossibly consuming feelings for Bucky that you longed for the end of the wedding. It was torture to be so close to him with that glass wall still keeping him out of your reach, a cruel reminder that for him it was still all for show. It wasn’t fun and games for you anymore, but you knew it was your fault in the first place. You never should have let your feelings for him get this far. You should have nipped it in the bud and conditioned yourself to see him as only your friend from the beginning. Now, here you were, faking yet another laugh as your father recounted a childhood memory to your family around the dinner table, Bucky’s warm and calloused hand gripping yours on the table between your dinner plates. How could his touch burn agonizingly hot and be so freezing cold at the same time?

The wedding was in two days, and all you could think about as you watched the blue eyed soldier take a sip of his water was how wonderful those lips had felt on your own last week. You chastised yourself. Why couldn’t you just let it go? It had been nothing but practice for Bucky, an exercise to really nail this fake relationship front. It was probably a distant memory in his mind by now, but for you it was the only thought in your head. You cleared your throat quietly as you took another bite of the lasagna you had helped your mother make that evening.

Your brain hurt

(two more days)

nearly as much as your heart, but you shoved it down and kept up your smile.

The doorbell rang as you all started cleaning up after dinner, and you sprang up from your seat to go answer it. “Oh, I think that’s Thomas’s friend from college, he said he’d be stopping by to say hi tonight,” Catherine called from the kitchen.

You unlocked the door and pulled it open, only to have the wind knocked out of you at who stood on the front porch. The bright hazel eyes, light freckles dancing across a soft-sculpted nose. It took you a moment to process the sight before you, having been certain you’d never see him again after the incident all those years ago.

“Ryan?” You breathed out. The man’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, full lips forming a hint of a smile.

“(Y/N), I didn’t expect to see you here. Thomas didn’t mention you were in town…” He let out a soft, hesitant laugh, almost apologetic, as if he were still apprehensive around you after all those years. “You look really beautiful. Well, you still do, you always did.”

You had no idea how to react to this. Here, standing in front of you, was the last man you had ever considered yourself to love.

(look how well that turned out)

The man who, right now, deserved a door in the face, if not more. But you steeled your expression, straightening your shoulders.

“Hi, Ryan. It’s been a while. Yeah, I flew in last week. It is my sister’s wedding after all. I didn’t know you knew Thomas.”

Ryan nodded, a few strands of light brown hair falling against his forehead. “Yeah, we went to college together. What a small world.”

What a small world indeed.

Part 5 / Part 7

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[50cyg]

My Taichi x Yamato Playlist

Disclaimer: anything I say in this post regarding Taichi and Yamato’s relationship is strictly my opinions even if I state it like it’s fact. Obviously, everyone views these two differently and won’t always agree with what I’m saying. Which is awesome, I welcome other people’s ideas and interpretations and also would love to hear about your Taiyama Playlists 😊

Follow you by Bring Me the Horizon

I actually found this song because of Taiyama. I kept seeing an image of the two of them holding hands with the caption

“So you can drag me through hell,

If it meant I could hold your hand”

And when I googled the line to find out where it was from, this song was the first thing to come up. I’m not sure if the creator of the post was referring to the song or if the lyrics originated from some other source but I still really feel like this song fits how I perceive Yamato to feel about Taichi. I really feel like after the end of Adventure Yamato would follow Taichi anywhere. I think a huge part of why he is angry with Taichi in Tri is because he wants Taichi to lead, he wants to follow him

Say Something by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

I feel like this song fits Yamato’s dilemma in Tri very well

Stay Away by Secondhand Serenade

I actually feel this one almost fits Yamato’s relationship with Takeru better but it’s on the back of my mind as a potential Taiyama song, specifically lines like

“You told me I should fight,  not be self destructive thinking I should go,  what do i know?”

Cause Taichi really doesn’t want Yamato to leave the group in episode 45

The way I loved you by Taylor Swift

Picture a male cover of this song where all the “Hes” are changed to “Shes” and you basically have my primary argument for why Taiyama is better than Sorato. Yamato’s POV obviously.

Monster by Katie Sky (I prefer the Nightcore version of this song)

I feel like this song works first and foremost as a Gabumon/Yamato song but I think it also works for Taichi/Yamato in Taichi’s POV

Water under the bridge – Adele

Does this one really need any explanation 😝 It works for either of their POVs

Battleships by Daughtry

I don’t feel this one needs much explanation either 😝

Can you hold me – NF ft. Britt Nicole

I think this song fits Yamato’s POV in Adventure rather well

Don’t let me down – The Chainsmokers ft. Daya (I prefer the cover of this song by Sam Tsui)

This song makes me think of Taichi’s POV between when Yamato leaves the group in episode 45 and returns in episode 51 (though I feel he was more certain that Yamato would come back so it’s not perfect but it still makes me think of them)

If I had you – Adam Lambert

I cannot explain this one… I just hear it and immediately think of Yamato and then start laughing, I have no idea why

Little things – One Direction

“Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me” yeah, I was sort of sold after the first line. But honestly, I just think this is a really cute song, especially since I feel like Yamato is obviously a pretty insecure person. Taichi’s POV

Say you won’t let go – James Arthur

Okay I fell so in love with this song the moment I heard it and I just love the lyrics so much and they make me think of so many of my favourite ships

Like just look at these lyrics they are so beautiful:

“You made me feel as though I was enough”

And the chorus just fits them so well, especially Yamato,

“I knew I loved you then But you'd never know 'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go I know I needed you But I never showed But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old Just say you won't let go Just say you won't let go”

And then,

“I wanna live with you Even when we're ghosts 'Cause you were always there for me When I needed you most I'm gonna love you 'til My lungs give out I promise till death we part Like in our vows So I wrote this song for you Now everybody knows That it's just you and me Until we're grey and old Just say you won't let go Just say you won't let go”

Just ah! it’s so wonderful

Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

This song plays really well into the feeling I have that Yamato and Taichi would, without hesitation, sacrifice themselves for each other. It’s also pretty perfect for them because of the fact that these two will always support each other in any way they know how.

The last few lines also play really well into the fact that they really care about each other but can also often cause each other a great amount of distress due to their conflicting personalities

“Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill And I know I'll be okay Though my skies are turning gray”

Also, the lead singers voice has always reminded me of Yamato’s English VA… but it’s probably just me

Fake wings (.hack//SIGN) (I like AmaLee’s cover of this song)

I don’t think I can explain this one… it’s sort of complicated because the reasons I feel it fits are heavily associated with my Digimon AU

Wherever you are – ONE OK ROCK

Just go listen to it/ read the English lyrics (though most of it is actually already in English haha)

Lovers by 7 (Naruto Shipuuden Opening 9)

The lyrics to this song fit them pretty perfectly, which isn’t that surprising considering they were written with another set of iconic rivals in mind. And obviously, it’s Taichi’s POV

Once in a Lifetime – Landon Austin

I really like the idea of these two as soulmates and this song fits so well with that concept. It works with either of their POVs

Also I love that the first two lines are “A summer rain is passing over, And it feels like a dream” which fits well with the fact that Adventure takes place during Summer and the Lyrics to Butterfly which discuss the world being a dream

Armor – Landon Austin

This song makes me think especially of Tri

“I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy After the war is won There's always the next one I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you”

Perfect by Hedley

I think of their fights when I hear this song. Also I feel it really fits both of them because they both strive so hard to be good people and strong people, better people and have a lot of self-doubt.

Lover Dearest by Marianas Trench

I don’t really feel this song fits them but I am in love with that amv (link in title)

Never Stop by SafetySuit

Okay so the first time I heard this song I immediately felt like this was Taichi’s love song to Yamato. There are so many lyrics in this song that make me think of specific scenes, I wish I had time to learn how to do AMVs

Say When by The Fray

Taichi’s POV, Taichi’s POV so hard hahaha Ok this song goes primarily with my AU where I see Taichi falling in love with Yamato basically at first sight, and actually even within the Adventure Universe I feel like Taichi fell first but didn’t realize it

Hold my Hand by The Fray

The Title kind of speak for itself. But like the lyrics really fit them, like all of the lyrics. Seriously just listen to these lyrics and tell me they don’t fit these two 100%